#maybe it's bc it's an effort I wouldn't spend for anyone

[ntrider]

one fear/dream of mine is someone putting extreme amounts of effort just to learn something for me and not letting me know until they're well into it.

it's like, genuinely scary to think about someone putting time of a lot of their days into something just to like. impress you. or be able to spend time with you in something you didn't expect them to.

love is 10 read books about something something everyone's read that story right

[joelsbeard]

Domestic pre-outbreak!joel /no outbreak!joel hc's bc I can't stop thinking about my lil pookie bear

He loves whenever you take the time to make meals for him and sarah because he's always so busy and never has time to make anything. Not to mention his cooking skills aren't exactly the best, so its a godsend once you and him move in together and you start cooking for your man. For once in his life he consistently goes to work without bringing some shitty sandwich or getting fast food for lunch, and sometimes you'll even throw in a cute little note (or maybe not so cute 😈) that'll have him blushing for the rest of the day. You eventually start getting really good at packing him and Sarah's lunches, and she loves the adorable notes you leave for her and cute animal tooth picks you give her for her fruit. If you have extra time you'll even cut her food into cute little shapes or have a themed lunch like a bunny-shaped sandwich and fruits cut into flowers. If you have leftovers you give them to Joel and he opens it wanting to cry knowing that you put so much effort into making his little girl the cutest lunches. Sometimes his other crew members will notice his lunches with little rice panda bears or other cute things and they'll give him shit for it but it just makes him feel even luckier to be with someone like you.

One time he opens his lunch and finds a particularly spicy note and he has a hard on for the rest of the day :) and then he rushes through his tasks after lunch so he can get home to you faster and rail the shit out of you :)

One day you're in his car looking in his glovebox for something and you find all of the notes you've written him for his lunches, and he tells you he likes to keep all of them to read them especially if he's having a bad day or a hard time at work and needs to get through the day.

Even though he may not be the best cook (aside from a mean mac n cheese or fried chicken) he definitely beats you at grilling. No one makes brisket or steak as good as he does, as a Texan dad it's in his blood.

Although he always gets home tired after a long day of work, you're always there to greet him by running up to him and attacking him with kisses, saying "I missed you so much" and more often than not you'll already have dinner prepared, and he finally gets the time to sit down with you and his daughter for dinner most days of the week and you get to spend some quality time as a family.

Every time he sees you interact with Sarah he's so happy that you're such a great mom to her, he can't think of anyone better to take care of his baby girl

Sarah becomes your little helper when you cook or bake sometimes, and Joel will walk into the kitchen seeing you two giggling as you're making some brownies or some other dessert that Sarah requested, and you can never say no to her cute little face. Every time you go to prepare something she always says she wants to help, and she loves learning from you because you're such a patient teacher.

Sometimes you and Sarah like to let Joel sleep in more than usual on the weekends to give his body some rest after a long week a work, and you'll make him breakfast in bed. He pretends not to hear Sarah giggling as you two walk into your room and “surprise” him with a tray of an elaborate breakfast, and you tell him Sarah did such a great job helping make his coffee and pancakes.

The way this ended up being mostly about food was not planned haha but you know what they say, a key to a man's heart is through his stomach ;) and who wouldn't want to cook and bake for this man, no wonder he's always feeling like shit he never has any time or money to make nutritious meals for himself :(

[wife]

i feel... sad i haven't made any close friends this year but idk it is what it is. i'm glad i have my boyfriend because if it wasn't for him i wouldn't have anyone who like, frequently thought about me & actively wanted to spend time with me. everyone has people they're friends w and they spend time with those ppl. and i'm not one if them. i just want to be important enough that ppl think abt me & enjoy spending time with me enough that they want to keep doing it.

i know ive made lots of posts abt how i know i need to put in the effort even if its not rly reciprocated & eventually it will be but it just gets... rly tiring bc its not like im a super confident social brave person who feels fine always being the one to reach out. i just know i have to do it otherwise ppl won't talk to me. other ppl always tell me they're bad at msging first or making plans but then they can make friends with so many other ppl so maybe i'm just not worth it. idk i don't want to be self-deprecating or guilt people. but this happens all the time so the problem must be me. but i think i've been just dragging myself thru trying to make friends w people telling myself it's normal for people not to care about me, but it's literally not and i'm not supposed to feel miserable.

i don't really mind not having friends bc i'm pretty used to that. but it makes me miserable to keep trying and failing. so i genuinely do think it's healthier for me to just stop msging ppl first & let things be & if someone likes me enough to pursue a friendship w me then great. if not then i'm still content anyway

[7ndipity]

I saw that ask and poll about who was going to marry first, and I immediately thought to that short period of time everyone was convinced Namjoon was married and had kids.

That's not the reason I chose him tho. I did because I think he'd find "the one" first. Or better said he will make "the one" out of the person he chooses. He'll be so madly in love with this person that he doesn't care anymore. He decides that they're the one rather than waiting for some sort of specific reason or sign of the universe. I think Tae and maybe JK would wait for such a sign. That's also why I think Tae specifically will be the last one to marry. He'd be very picky in who he chooses to marry? He won't date much either because he dates to marry, and not to break up. So if he doesn't see marriage potential, he's not putting time and effort in dating you. (I am totally not projecting here or anything 🙄😂)

Jk would also want to wait for a sign but I think he would feel it more than that it's a sign from the universe. Almost like an epiphany? You'd be doing karaoke at home and you'd be singing and he'd look at you and as if he was just punched in the face with his feelings realises you're the one he wants to mary and spend the rest of his life doing karaoke in the living room.

Jin I think would be kind of traditional in the sense it'd be just like the movies? He finds a partner, spends some time dating, can't really imagine his life with someone else, decides to go for it and propose. Be engaged for a while, have a wonderful wedding, and start the rest of his life with you. No fuss, it just happens naturally.

You wouldn't even be surprised when Hobi announces his engagement. He was always raving about them and was fantasising about marrying them early on the relationship. So no one bats an eye and just asks when the wedding is planned so they can keep the date free.

I somehow think people would be surprised to hear when Jimin is going to get married? I feel like he wouldn't make a big deal out of the relationship with you. Like he would casually announce he has a partner, and then casually bring them out for dinner to meet the gang. Everything is just kind of casual? Very romantic still tho. He'd pull out their chair at the dinner and have his arm on the back of their seat. It just looks like they've been together for forever. The engagement and wedding would have the same vibe.

Okay last but definitely not least. Yoongi would be a bit of a combination of Jin, Namjoon & Jimin? It's a very domestic relationship. Also not a lot of fuss, but like Namjoon, he'd decide that the person he loves will be the one for him. He'd ask for help planning the proposal because he wants to surprise you and be very romantic, some may even say cheesy. So that might be a big thing, but in the way that he'd have a picnic in the park with fairy lights from Hobi and Jin helped with cooking all the meals and the maknae line would make sure everything looks cosy and soft and warm. Namjoon would help with preparing a "speech" when Yoongi wants propose. During the engagement and the planning of the wedding he'd be the person to back everything his partner wants and he would glare daggers at anyone saying they can't have what they wanted. Also the only person not to be afraid or too intimidated to reign you back in with the plans or tell you no. As long as he gets what he wants for the wedding (ie have the boys be his best men and maybe have Holly as flower dog), he's good with anything you want. He's whipped like that

Omg I love this!😭

I agree with you on most points, except maybe on Tae being the last to marry? Mainly bc I kinda see him having a similar epiphany moment like you described with Jk where the two of you are doing something simple or domestic together, like having dinner and talking abt your day, and he would just sorta realize that this is what he wants forever. You and him, together in that moment, are his sign.

And although he loves the idea of the big, romantic proposal(and he might still do that later, once he gets a ring), I think he would end up just saying it, right then and there, while the feeling is still strong in his mind, just "I want to marry you."

[buddiebeginz]

Would not tuning into the re-airing help? Like if they don’t get viewership on that episode do you think it would steer them in a direction away from BT? I’m so scared that all the positive attention that ship gets means that Tim is going to just give up on buddie and that sixe years of development and buildup is going to be flushed down the drain because of the people who jumped ship… would it be any good to just ignore the ep re-airing altogether? I’m already planning on not tuning in bc I’m going to be working at that time, but maybe trying to rally buddie fans together to boycott the ep and then get buddie trending on twitter?

I really don’t know if I will be able to handle Oliver posting anything about this though… it would really feel like a nail in the coffin for us to me

I don't think they're reairing the episode as some tribute to B/T. They've been reairing the s7 eps (since the season ended) so I think that's mainly why they're showing that one again. It also refreshes people's memories of what happened in the previous season leading up to s8.

I get why you and other Buddie fans are nervous going into s8 but I really wish you guys would calm down a little. Everything is pointing towards Buddie going canon. I know a lot of us have been waiting years for this to happen so I get being afraid to to hope and be let down. I know it sucks we didn't get more solid confirmation of Buck and Eddie's feelings in s7 but we still got sooo much.

If Tim wasn't invested in Buddie trust me you'd know. When you compare s7 to s5/6 you can see how drastically different the show is handling Buddie now. When Kristen was running things she made it clear that she was not on board with Buddie ever being a couple and you could see that with how little time together they had in those seasons especially compared to how much time was put into Buck and Taylor in s5.

Now compare that to B/T and how little time Tim allotted for them and how they were given next to no development. And what development they did have consisted of T*mmy being a dick most of the time. Meanwhile Buddie were in almost every single episode in s7 and with some really important scenes that further cemented their relationship.

I know that the B*mmy stans are loud and a lot of them make it a point to try and rub it in our face that their ship is canon and how they think ours never will be. The thing is they do that because deep down they know their ship isn't going to last. If they didn't think Buddie ever stood a chance and they thought the show was really putting effort into B/T they wouldn't care so much about things like us seeing Eddie as queer.

Back to 7x04 though. I don't think anyone should boycott it. That ep was about so much more than T*mmy. It was about Buck realizing he's attracted to guys and that he can act on that attraction. It was also heavily centered around Buck's feelings for Eddie and that's not a coincidence. It's not a misread or a mistake that Buck spends the whole episode where we finally learn he's bi all about Eddie and then ends up kissing a guy who we're told is basically a lesser version of Eddie.

7x04 was meant as Buck's bi awakening but also to give us a glimpse into how strongly Buck feels for Eddie. What I believe was meant to happen was by the end of the season we would have at least had indisputable confirmation of Buck's feelings for Eddie. That didn't happen though I think because they got picked up for s8 and decided to hold off on moving forward with Buddie until s8, when they'd have more time to flesh out their story. None the less 7x04 is still an important Buddie episode.

No one has to rewatch when it airs and I get it if people don't want to watch Buck with T*mmy but I still think people should rewatch the rest of the episode again at some point. If for nothing else than just to see how much it wasn't about T*mmy or B/T it was about Buddie.

This is why I made the post I did about getting something trending for Buddie when the ep airs. Because the episode is about Buddie. But also I'm sure B*mmy stans will be online showing their support for B/T. We need to be on social media more making it clear to Tim and ABC how our fandom isn't going anywhere and the love for Buddie is stronger than ever.

[vacantgodling]

oh we're putting your ocs in situations? EXCELLENT. i love them. let's do this

12 for hya (sorry hya ily) and then also 24 for piper! mayhaps :3c

HEWWOOOOO THANK YOU <3

12. Your character has to spend a whole day out in nature. What kind of terrain do they choose to go to, and what do they get up to?

PFFF RIP he really hates being out in... untamed nature. i say this because he doesn't inherently dislike nature, he just prefers if its in a well maintained garden or something like that not just like. out in the woods.

BUT assuming this question pertains to being out in the woods--so in that case, hya is finding somewhere relatively relaxed (ie: a clearing, by a brook/stream/river) and he's parking it. just absolutely doing fuck all. surprising everyone, he may either (1) sunbathe -- if he's by the water or (2) work out. i think he has worked out in secret by going into secluded sections in nature to do so, and while he doesn't Like working out and he doesn't Like being in the woods, it is something to do and so i can see him doing that until he was allowed to leave. but don't tell anyone i told u he works out even tho its obvious that he does LMAO. he likes to appear mysterious and effortless even though its clear he puts in effort. no one just knows when. or how. lmao.

24. Your character has been challenged to a duel by a skilled fighter. What incentive would convince them to accept? How would they prepare for the fight? Do you think they would win? (bonus: which other character do you think the challenger could be?)

welp it wouldn't be hard to convince her because piper NEVER turns down a fight. ever. every fight anyone ever challenges her to, she is absolutely doing it. its not really a 'moral code' or anything, she just likes fighting generally and sees every fight as a way to learn more and improve herself. she wouldn't really prepare for a fight (it is Slight cockiness, but also just because she's someone who just kinda. does stuff on the fly and the best way for her to learn since she's not really a formal per se training girly is to just let whatever happens happen and she'll adapt as shit comes).

whether or not pipes would win is based on an number of factors; she actually has a pretty healthy win lose streak. if its any person who relies more on tactics than brute strength its kind of a toss up because pipes is ABSOLUTELY a "keep beating them until they're a pulp" kind of fighter. so if you're crafty you can MAYBE get her to play into your hand a bit, but if you're just someone who needs time to conjure spells or something then it's the definition of "i won the wizard fight without knowing magic bc i just punched the guy." however if you're quick with magic or just fast in general, it might pose a problem for her. this being bc she wields an axe and tends to do wide, broad, heavy hitting attacks. which: not great if you get hit. but if you can dodge her attacks then you'll probably be able to best her. she isn't slow by any means, she can definitely lead people on by overextending to give them a false sense of security before having her own little "phase 2" of a battle to throw her opponent way off; but that kind of strategy is only something she learned from sparring with saith and keevan. so tl;dr, it can be a fair if challenging fight and tbh whatever experience someone has will determine if they win or lose. pipes is usually a good sport about it, unless you piss her off.

the people piper spars with the most are the aforementioned, keevan and saith; and this is because after she fails her guild exam the first time, she meets the two of them and they literally train her in a LOT of shit for like a year to help her pass the exam the second time (piper was an orphan and literally has no formal training in fucking ANYTHING). usually saith bc he is also keevan's protege, so saith was more the "practice dummy" for keevan's teachings. however, san and piper also fight (not spar. they are always fighting) a lot. and because they have such different fighting styles their battles get veryyyy uhhhhh inchresting lmao.

[bylertruther]

random thought, but i feel like putting all of the blame on karen for the fact tht mike doesn't open up to her is a little ...................... (insert vague hand motion here bc i can't think of a fitting, not-childish eloquent word) ????

yes she's the parent and yes she does have to make the effort to create an environment where he feels welcome to share and talk to her, but karen cannot force mike to open up. mike doesn't respond well to his parents being overbearing and honestly he doesn't react well to ANYONE coming at him head-on no matter how close they are to him.

mike needs to come to people on his own terms when he's ready and collected himself. and karen knows that! she literally says that to ted when ted offers to go talk to him in s1 because they know will's death and disappearance is hard on him. and no i don't think they should've taken away his toys aka doled out a punishment when mike wasn't cooperating in s2, because that's simply Not how you handle such a situation, but they did it because they thought well if us being "soft" isn't working then maybe us putting our foot down will get through to him. it's not like they did it bc they thought to themselves "lmao fuck that guy 🖕".

and even though mike doesn't seek support through verbal means like nancy does, he does seek comfort from her through physical affection! and karen does give it to him! whenever he feels like he's lost will, he goes to her and breaks down in her arms and she drops everything to go hold him.

the point is that when mike does go to her, she's there. they all care about and love each other in that family, including ted. karen and ted are not plot-involved parents like joyce and hopper are, and we're not going to get a deep dive into any of the other families unless it's relevant to the plot. ... as we've literally already seen before?

and ted is the way he is because he's written as the kind of father that spends all day at work to provide for his family and gets home and just wants to watch tv and eat dinner and go to sleep and repeat that ad nauseam for the rest of his life bc tht's just what you do and you only have so much energy (smth smth silly little play). i'm not saying he's father of the year and no one should ever comment on his involvement with his kids, but... that's just his role to play in this story.

he's clueless abt the crazy shit that goes down in hawkins the same way that everyone else is clueless abt it but that doesn't make him a bad guy lol. there's purposeful juxtaposition of him chillin' watching the news cover everything up while joyce and hopper and the kids are out there losing their minds almost dying fighting monsters saving the world etc etc. it's supposed to be comical. he lives here and he has no idea what's really happening, unlike us and the central characters of the show.

not every family has to look or act like the byers or sinclair family to be Good. you can try your best to get someone to talk to you, but they're not going to do it if they don't want to. mike is a hothead that doesn't often share or even totally understand what he's feeling, and if he does, he rarely opens up all the way. he still keeps certain things to himself and only reveals just enough to achieve his goals. it's mainly when he's apologizing over something big that he manages to be open, and that isn't even something that happens often or outside of a situation that necessitates it.

and the whole "not knowing exactly where your kids are, but knowing they're with their friends somewhere and that they'll be home later tonight" isn't a sign of abuse or that they don't care. that's what life was like before the technology that we have now, and that level of freedom was the POINT. it's a big part of WHY the duffers chose the eighties. such a story wouldn't work with our current technology. that isn't even an experience exclusive to those that are 30+ or whatever. i'm in my twenties and i remember my childhood being like that.

like. i don't think it's as black and white of an issue as some people suggest. the wheelers haven't been perfect parents, but they're not malicious and they do love their children, even if they clearly don't always understand them. saying that karen and ted don't care about or love their children and that they're on the same level of neglect as lonnie is just... i mean. what?

[noxcorvorum]

On the topic of sandworms

(dune part 2 spoilers kindof)

@the-void-has-questions speculative biology <3

Anyone else questioning how sandworms work in dune?

I mean, they call like 7 to one location at least twice in the second movie, which just isn't how megafauna work

You simply aren't going to get more than one megafauna in such a small area, much less 7 hanging around in close enough range to feel the thumpers spaced like a small dune part each, especially since they're described as territorial (the fremen at the water of life area says that there can't be more than one in each sand pool or else they'll fight)

Also do the fremen have to be constantly making thumpers bc they seem pretty single use, it seems like the sandworm either eats it or the thumper gets buried in its wake

Also what do they eat??? It seems like they would expend a lot of energy moving around like they do, and I don't think we've seen any sort of fauna that could sustain that on arrakis besides *maybe* the spiders and centipedes stilgar mentioned (granted it's been a while since I've read the book and I only read the first one so. yeah)

They could be getting some kind of nutrient from something in the sand, like metals??? Or something???? (It's scifi idk) But the kind of teeth they have doesn't feel suited to that kind of thing, unless they use it as a filter like whales with baleen? And anyway that's kinda disproven with the fact that they're attracted to the vibrations of footsteps, thumpers, etc so to me it has to be some kind of fauna

And why let themselves be steered? They could just go underground/roll and shake the disturbance off, unless the thing the hooks do by lifting up a flap of skin would then cause sand to get inside and be an irritant, but they spend most of their time underground anyway, and the way theyre kind of segmented to have armor but also allow turns makes me think they would kind of get sand everywhere anyway so ???

(I think sandworm pearls/something similar could be a cool concept but now that I think about it idk how that would work bc it's under the skin and not inside like it would be in a clam but I digress)

Do they have some sort of. infinite energy source??? We never see any of them eat any kind of large prey, just piles of bodies and perhaps live humans, and with the speed at which they move through the sand (a substance notorious for being at least slightly difficult to move quickly through), And with the way they comply with the fremen hitching rides, they would have to have an extremely efficient way of using nutrients/energy to be able to keep that up

---------

Ok after some googling (sandworm Wikipedia page)

they're whales. (kinda)

They apparently eat "sand plankton" and the teeth filter it out of the sand

The way they get steered is that the worms turn to that the exposed skin underneath the lifted segment is on the top so it doesn't get sand in it

Also water is really poisonous to them which is interesting so they prefer not to eat live humans

The big one that Paul called in part 2 was apparently at least 1.5 miles/2.4 km long

Actually wait I'm not done.

The fremen learned how to sandwalk from watching the desert fauna not get eaten by sandworms. What fauna did they watch?? The only creatures on arrakis mentioned in the movies and what I recall from the first book are humans, sandworms, kangaroo mice, and the centipedes/spiders

The kangaroo mice are too small to make strong enough vibrations and too small to be worth the effort of hunting, so they wouldn't need to walk in a specific way

The bugs seem to me like they'd be underground most of the time and when theyre aboveground probably hostile to humans so not much chance for the fremen to watch what they do

How do sandworms propel themselves? They aren't corkscrewing or inching, and they don't have limbs to burrow with

I fear it is the "the sand is going directly through their bodies" explanation.

What eats the kangaroo mice? The giant bugs?

What do the kangaroo mice eat? The damn Sand Plankton?

Where do the fremen get materials for all their gear? Wouldn't mining for the metal make vibrations that would tip off the sandworms? Do they just. steal it from the atreides/harkonnens?

Tldr: please god I want more worldbuilding what is happening biologically on this planet

[sparklymilks]

last night i was thinking how the NHS treated me whenever i was dim enough to ask for help for my madness + just getting like more and more angry remembering it lmfao

i actually think that severing myself from like the idea of "help" and "psychiatry" and "CBT" and "mental health" has been more beneficial to my QOL than literally anything the NHS ever did for me, so im at peace w/ it on the whole, however there were some real highlights:

me sitting sobbing my eyes out in a small room w/ two strangers begging them to Please Help, and receiving a letter a few weeks later saying i wasn't ill enough for any help + i was on my own

being diagnosed w/ BPD (a big regret i have - once i cann afford to spend £250 on a psych visit im going to try and get that scrubbed off my record bc at the time of diagnosis like ~8 years ago i was naive enough to think that a diagnosis that wasn't depression or anxiety would force the NHS into giving me "help". however, obviously, as you all know, a BPD diagnosis is the 2020s equivalent of Female Hysteria

i was offered a round of CBT (classic) but there was an 18m waiting list and in that 18m i was diagnosed w/ the BPD. so i had a conversation w/ them in which they were like "we can only do the anxiety/depression, if you talk about anything BPD-ish we'll terminate you"

went to the minor injuries unit after a particularly bad self-harm session + was not asked any questions about how i was doing mentally, they didnt check i was safe, they didnt ask me if i was gonna be ok at home lol, they just cleaned me / bandaged me / sent me home again (tbh idk what id rather they did tbh like. i dont want to be sectioned - i was just kind of astonished by the lack of pretence at caring how i was doing)

in the last-ditch effort i made to get some "help" i told my (beloved! none of this is his fault) GP that if he had anything going i'd be willing to give it a shot. he told me there was this local unit opening up for "personality disorders" and that given i was motivated + all that shit i would be a perfect fit for it. (at this time i was already leery of the BPD label but i was still thinking like: maybe it will actually open THIS door to "treatment") i said to him: i know for a fact they will not accept me. you're welcome to try, but i am 100% sure that they will find a reason to reject me as a patient. and he was like no no no! haha why wouldn't they :) i'll send them a personal email about you! and they'll take you on my reccommendation! and i was like lol ok roy. anyway yeah of course they didnt accept me - as i told him they wouldnt - and he was so shocked and upset during that conversation where he told me this - and i was just like totally unemotional like "i told you this would happen" and he was like just so shocked about it all (honestly idk why, as a doctor, he must see the carnage, but whatever) and just like "my god - you were right" (yeah no shit roy) and yeah that was just the moment i was like alright im never doing any of this shit again, never ever.

to be honest my suggestion to anyone in a similar situation is to read up on antipsychiatry lmfao (shout out to bananapeppers for forcing it into my eyeballs via tumblr) bc it really changed my mindset for the better. that's probably quite a bleak sentiment to end a post about psychiatry on but uh. i dont know what to say otherwise. i don't believe in "mental healthcare" anymore like i rly dont. im doing 100x better now that i refuse to talk to doctors about my madness. there is no moral to this post

ETA: from @bananapeppers herself: "for anyone reading this who may be interested, this is an England-based antipsychiatry organization that I recommend: Campaign for Psychiatric Abolition ( https://linktr.ee/cpabolition)"

[that-gay-jedi]

I know they already can't even meet the bar of understanding usable hours but I wish the healthcare system, my work, insurance, and the government understood that even my usable hours aren't quite as usable as a nondisabled person's tbh.

Like if we set a benchmark of a healthy person at their physical and mental best performing a task as 100, with 110 being slightly too much effort, 125 being dangerously overexerting yourself and 150 being Icarus just felt the wax re-melt, then me performing the same task at my best is never above like 90-95 bc there's a portion of my focus is that is distracted for as long as I'm in pain (which barring a miracle is gonna be the rest of my life) and a portion of my patience and endurance my brain will always have to spend on coping, and a portion of physical energy my body will always have to spend on surviving the adverse conditions chronic illness creates, and there's literally no amount of motivation, treatment, good work habits nor anything else on this earth that's ever going to change that because I'm not holding anything back, I'm giving everything I have and everything I have is 90% of what that guy over at the next desk has.

And like, from the way the people who are my contacts from these systems talk to me I know the immediate response is "So overdo it slightly and get that 100 from where a healthy person would get 110" but that only works for a day. If I try to give the equivalent of 110 daily then the 90 I can offer at my best goes down to like 65 by day 3 and it's only downhill from there. Even if I put my work before literally everything to the point that I'd be proud to be found dead in my office chair if it meant taking one more call, you'd only be able to get at maximum maybe 2-3 weeks out of me before I had truly and absolutely nothing left to give anyone, including myself, ever again.

In effect, my employer simply cannot extract the same amount of value-for-labour out of me as from other people because my laundry list of medical problems already extracted some. In perpetuity. No stick, no carrot, no gun to my head, no amount of biopsychosocial clear cutting or strip mining is ever going to change that. Can't take what isn't there.

I've long since accepted what I can and cannot do (what other choice do I have? I can't hate myself into being magically cured, and frankly I wouldn't if I could. I refuse to hate myself for anyone or anything ever again), but the work mindset the people I have to interact with from these systems subscribe to is incapable of accepting anything gracefully. What do you mean you're not going to get better? Sounds like you're just not doing everything you possibly can (surely there has to be some rabbit you can pull out of a hat if we just make you desperate enough). What do you mean you can't give 110% every day? What do you mean there are consequences?

To try to get everything out of me when I don't even have all of it is a form of magical thinking, it's blood from a stone, and yet these motherfuckers are so completely convinced. If capitalism is a church, they're the preacher who tells you the reason you still need your mobility aid(s) is that you're not praying hard enough. Reality isn't real to them, greed and toxic positivity are all they understand.

And I don't fucking know how to get through to these people who unfortunately, through an interconnected series of bureaucracies and policies, hold my future in their hands. I don't know how to make them understand it when they're so determined not to.

[shirogane-oushirou]

Heyooooo!!! I really wanna learn more about your f/os, so I'm gonna ask 🍫, ⚔️ and📱 for anyone you wanna answer for hehe :3

( @verykissablepixels )

AAAAA, thank you so much reffie!!! 😭 sorry it took a little while to answer kjsndfjk -- i decided, though i'm still DEEPLY in ren brainrot hell, that i miss talking about my main man oushirou... so i answered for both of them hehe ^^

🍫 Does your f/o have a favorite candy bar?:

REN: i think both versions of him would prefer something with just a bit of crunch and some other sweet ingredient to match the chocolate, like butterfinger or twix!! he keeps a bag of mini-size bars in his room so he can grab one when he needs a little pick-me-up.

OUSHIROU: not to be all ERMMM 🤓 about this one with him but i imagine he'd be more into like... nice, flavored chocolates? he wouldn't turn his nose up at normal candy bars, but he grew up a RICH household and, if buying for himself, he'd spend more money to get something nicer with more subtle flavors.

...that being said, there is a scene in his "in winter" route where he stays behind at seigetsu after a chocolate hunt? event? for valentines day to find and take any leftover chocolates, so if it's FREE he'll take what he can get no matter the flavor and no matter the effort KJNSDKFJN.

⚔️ If your f/o were a D&D character, what would their class be?:

(i'm not a dnd girlie, so i'm basing all of this on simple descriptions of the classes and a "tag yourself as a dnd class" meme lmao ;;; )

REN: he seems like an artificer! even though r!ren didn't go into the medical profession, he has the same creativity and ingenuity that makes doc!ren so good at his job.

(and he LOVES dnd. he wasn't able to play often as a kid due to his strict upbringing, but doc!ren occasionally joins one-off campaigns online when he has the energy, and r!ren plays with a couple of people from work when their off days line up.)

OUSHIROU: sorcerer! he comes from a family of very successful, very wealthy practitioners of western fortune telling, and he absolutely inherited the gift. 👍🏻

📱 What’s your f/o’s phone wallpaper?:

REN: not to be cheesy, but he'd 100% have a selfie of the two of us being goofy together as his lock screen. doc!ren would use a simple geometric design with a lowkey color palette for his home screen, while r!ren uses a louder, maybe more neon palette with a more complex pattern.

OUSHIROU: he'd also have a selfie of the two of us on the lock screen (though the composition would be more intentional lmao), but his home screen would probably be a flat color for utility's sake; he'd need to be able to flip through apps quickly to take notes, do research, take quick photos of things he doesn't plan to include in his articles but still needs to reference at some point, etc, and he doesn't want a distracting background to slow him down.

he probably WOULD, however, choose a NICE flat color and then fully customize his multiple screens with widgets, dividers, etc... partially to organize his apps for ease of use, and partially bc he can't make it NOT look nice, no no no, he needs his phone to be both useful AND ~*~aesthetically pleasing~*~ 😤

[xhatake]

anyways here's why people are strange by the doors applies to Kakashi. i feel like during the time right before/right after he leaves anbu kakashi is left feeling like an outsider looking in. he feels like he's got a reputation for being sort of a weirdo & feels super isolated about it. Plus i think this speaks to a few other habits he picks up.

during this time i think he spends a lot of time in low-key bars, gripping his drink for dear life & watching the people around him interact. he always sort of drifts on the outside of whatever is going on socially & wonders what people think of him. it's not something he'd really worried about for a long time because he assumed he would die before it mattered? plus i think he would assume during this time that his perception of himself was how other people saw him too. he hates himself for killing rin of course, he hates himself for cutting himself off from his friends, he's stuck in a loop of self-desprication that makes him paranoid as to how others view him.

a part of him wants to step out of his bubble on his own but ordering a drink drains his social battery hard enough let alone partaking in whatever is going on. He'll hang out until someone offers to buy his next drink or he goes home. He'll occasionally ask someone for a light if he can't find his, though he wouldn't be caught dead without a lighter BCS then he would have to ask someone for a light.

i think this habit also drives him to find connection in sex vs. connection. someone buys him a drink, he gets to feeling a little more alright about interracting with them, he ends up following them home & being gone before sunrise. he prefers to be a face in the crowd, a forgotten name in spirit whether or not he will be. ( he is kakashi of the sharingan, after all it's not like he's just going to be forggotten every time ) but regardless of that he still feels like the connection is immediately forgotten??? whether or not op forgets. which isn't very cash money of him but he was so wrapped up in his whole world & his perception of it that he really doesn't care whether or not he's hurting other peoples' feelings in the process.

he feels he's deeply misunderstood in this as well, though he's not. he focuses a little too much on his own loneliness during this time to acknowledge others' loneliness to the same degree. i think the time between him leaving anbu & him becoming a teacher is full of a lot of self-destructive thoughts & behavior.

i like to think that he has some sort of (brief) relationship with someone he may have met in anbu during this time but he second-guesses himself at every turn, denying his natural inclination towards romance & instead kind of hurting the person he's with. i think a lot of what happens is a lapse of communication, an imposed distance between he & his love interest. he doesn't make the effort to strengthen the bond, instead expecting it to just happen. he's just not healthy enough to deal with his own thoughts & emotions, let alone anyone else's.

Gai is really the best influence in his life at this time though because his enthusiasn for life is infectious, whether or not kakashi will admit it. Gai broadening his perspective is actually what drives him to reassess how he treats people. Gai helps Kakashi understand that the whole village is just as wounded as Kakashi is individually, thus making it a little easier to adjust his perspective of things. His kindness inspires kakashi to be kinder himself, whether or not he knows how to do that at first.

but yeah people are strange has me thinking about kakashi getting stuck in his own head & maybe not always treating people because of that. though his perception is actively changing throughout the events of naruto, it's not until the timeskip that kakashi takes the actual initiative to be better.

[linphd]

monoma x fem!reader | hateful sex [comfort] [3/3]

neito monoma x reader

female reader

When (Y/N) comes back from a fight with huge scars, nobody is able to cheer her up. Thus, they call Neito.

warning : kinda angsty themes, insecurities.

for those who didn't read the smuts but want to read the comfort : know that neito and (y/n) used to hate each other and actually ended up having hateful sex, throughout their 1st year. during their 2nd year, it wasn't a secret anymore bc they actually got closer and closer, and have to stop denying they love each other!!!

That fight was the worst one (Y/N) had ever gotten into. It was because she was still Rock Lock's intern, she had to fight alongside him. But the yakuzas were too strong for her. She came out of there alive, but she had blood all over her body. She had been fighting with that one drunk guy with knives, and he cut her deep enough for him to severe big veins and arteries. She swore there was that one cut she could see her bone through.

        After being healed by Recovery Girl and spending some days at the hospital -she didn't want anyone to visit her, and as scary as she was, people respected her choice and only texted her, so only her parents visited her- she went back to the dorms and stayed in her room.

Many of her friends walked to her, tried to talk to her. But (Y/N) didn't reply. She could tell that they would stare at her scars, because according to her, they were the most noticeable thing on her body, despite them being hidden under her clothes.

         She had even ignored her texts, for days. Sometimes, her friends would catch her going to the bathroom or taking something to eat from the fridge, but she wouldn't talk to them a lot. Of course, every time Mina or Momo would start a conversation, (Y/N) would reply. But that was it, and it had been like that for a whole week.

       But that night, (Y/N) had forgotten her phone on a counter in the kitchen, as she had made some effort and had eaten with a few friends of her -still not wanting her whole class to see her. The girls only wanted to give it back to her, but it buzzed. Thus, Mina and Ochaco thought it was a great idea to see who it was, Mina knowing the girl's password.

neito

your periods are way too long

(y/n)

stfu

neito

just tell me what's wrong then 🙄 is it because of your fight with the villain? you told me you were okay

(y/n)

I was at the hospital but now I'm back I'm just tired

neito

so you WERE HURT WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME

(y/n)

I told you I'm okay I'm at the dorms rn I just didn't talk cause I was tired

neito

sleep then maybe I'll walk by 😏

(y/n)

please don't

and stop with that emoji

*NEW* : neito

you chose to like me so you have to like the emojis

         ''I'm actually quite shocked that she didn't give him a shitty nickname.'' Mina said. ''Girls, don't look. I'm going to give her back her phone.'' Momo said, taking the phone off Ochaco's hands and walking to (Y/N)'s room. The brunette knocked, and as she heard a hum, she opened the door. ''(Y/N), you forgot your phone.'' Her friend was turning her back to her, her body under the sheets of her bed. She was watching some random show on her computer, but Momo wanted her to feel better. She had noticed a tiny scar on her cheek, maybe it had some implication in her state of mind ?

''Do you want me... to call Monoma ?'' The brunette asked, out of the blue. And even if (Y/N) stayed silent at first, she ended up saying : ''You know what ? Yeah. Please call him.'' She replied. Maybe she was too scared to call someone herself. Momo nodded, and actually used the girl's phone to call him, before settling it back on a table next to the bed. Then, she walked out, not wanting to bother (Y/N) more than she had already done.

A few minutes after, Neito arrived, not even minding to knock at the door -but still carefully locking it after. When he saw (Y/N) all wrapped in her blankets, the blonde took off his shoes before jumping on the bed. He was back from a training, so he had the U.A sports outfit on. ''What's so wrong you wouldn't talk to anyone for days ?'' He asked, his usual smile on. (Y/N) heavily sighed, and sat up, pushing the blankets. Thus, Neito moved to sit further on the bed, so she could have the space she was trying to have.

The girl started to take off her shirt, making him giggle. ''Naked already ? I thought you were tired.'' He said. However, as he noticed the look she gave him, he immediately regretted it and his smile faded, his eyes focusing on her skin now that her shirt was gone. Then he saw them ; the scars. They were enormous, and obviously weren't done healing. ''Don't you have bandages to put on it ?'' Neito only asked. He didn't care she had scars ; but why wasn't she taking care of them ?! ''Yeah but... when I put the bandages I remember I have them.'' She said.

        Slowly, the blonde touched and traced his fingers gently around one of the scars, making her hiss. ''Does it hurt ?'' He asked. ''Obviously !'' He scoffed. ''That's why we use bandages, dumbass.'' He said. But (Y/N) didn't reply. She looked like she was about to cry, but she didn't. Instead, she actually gave him everything they needed to heal her scars. As Neito started to disinfect them, he wondered why she was so sad about it. ''What's wrong with those, anyway ?'' He asked, not even thinking about teasing her and give her his crazy smile he would always give. Even a smirk didn't cross his mind.

         ''I'm gonna have them forever ! If I ever get outside in a swimsuit or something, it'll be the first thing people will notice !'' The girl replied. ''So what ? Heroes have scars. It shows that they fight. We should respect heroes with scars, they did that to themselves to protect civilians.'' It wasn't really the words that surprised (Y/N) -even though they were surprisingly wise and kind- but it was the fact that Neito Monoma had been the one pronouncing them.

          She remained quiet during the whole thing. When the blonde was finally done wrapping the bandages around her, she put back on her pyjamas top. ''What do you want to do ? What were you watching ?'' He asked, settling himself on her bed. ''A show, but we can put on a movie.'' She said, getting under the blankets just as he had. (Y/N) quickly put a random movie on her computer before turning to hug Neito. He chuckled at the gesture and hugged her back, resting his cheek against her head.

         ''What do you want to do, hm ?'' He asked. ''Just hug and stay quiet.'' She replied. They did remain quiet for a few minutes, only hearing each other breathing. ''I hate the scars cause I already don't like much how my body is, and now if I have big ass scars to catch everyone's attention, it's gonna get even worse. And people will pity me for it, heroes don't get pity ! It's the worst thing that could've happened !'' She whispered, feeling her tears falling on the boy's chest.

       However, Neito reacted the only way he could ; by mocking her. ''That's not very a way to stay quiet.'' He said. But actually, it made (Y/N) burst out laughing. ''Oh my God, I was confessing something !'' she said, looking at him, smiling. But suddenly, her smile faded. She cupped his cheeks, looking deep into his eyes. ''What ?'' He whispered. ''I think I don't hate you anymore. You won't want to see me again if that's the case, right ? If I hated you I wouldn't want you here, but I know it's not the case cause I'm scared that you won't talk to me anymore !'' She said, sniffling.

        The blonde only rolled his eyes. ''(Y/N), I stopped hating you the first time I slept in your bed instead of going back to my dorm.'' He said, in a casual tone. It made the girl gasp. ''So it stopped being hateful sex a while ago ! Why didn't you tell me ?!'' She asked, actually confused if she had to laugh or not -some giggles escaped her mouth, then. Her reaction made the blonde mirror her action and giggle, actually caressing her cheek once he had calmed down.

        ''Cause I like those little sessions we have together. I would be so sad if you don't want anyone to see your body ever again only because of some scars. If you heal them well, they'll disappear a lot. And Eri can help, right ?'' he asked referring to the girl (Y/N) and the others had rescued from that terrible fight. She remained silent, only gulping and staring at him. ''Do you know how much I actually love you ?'' He asked, out of the blue. It only made her blink. ''I never wanted to tell you cause I wanted you to say it first. I'm not weak enough to admit it first. But you need to hear it, right ?'' He asked.

         And as soon as he said so, (Y/N) forgot about her scars. He didn't care about them, was even saying positive things about them, right ? She wasn't going to make love -it was considered this now- with anyone else, right ? She knew they had a love-hate relationship. All this time, she had hoped those little kisses and hugs here and there meant something. Thus, as he comforted her and accepted to give up on his ego only for her to feel better, she knew it wasn't the hate speaking.

        And at this moment, she couldn't love him more. Maybe they could finally admit they loved each other, and stop making their classmates roll their eyes at their denial. Maybe they could still have hateful sex, but love each other once it was over. It had worked during all this time, right ? They obviously loved each other whenever they were done, and it worked, despite them denying it, right ?

          Cause as much as (Y/N) wanted to hate herself at the fact she would date the rival of her class, she couldn't, as he had been the only one she was looking for during her breakdown. That meant he was home to her. He was her emotional support. Even if they wanted to kill each other most of the time. ''Fucking loser, you admitted it first.'' (Y/N) said, before bursting out laughing. And even if it was because her scars weren't healed yet, Neito was going to win the pillow fight by fucking destroying her. She deserved him, calling him a loser and laughing at his face ! But yeah... they could still hate each other. They could just admit it a bit less, now.

kind of AU where they fought the yakuzas in 2nd year

[llycaons]

I'm spending time with a very old and beloved friend and she keeps showing me old episodes of elementary and I'm just remembering how little I like this show help the copaganda and also it's just very boring and unpleasant to watch and I dont like anyones acting except lucy liu 😭 plus this episode has fiona, the autistic woman, and I personally really do not like how shes introduced since it seems overly clinical and tell dont show and I'm kind of uncomfortable with how they're treating her? and why wouldn't sherlock or joan (who was a doctor) know what autism is? theres a more natural way to work that in.

like. having an explicitly autistic character onscreen is extremely rare and I appreciate the effort but...idk maybe with more screentime we'll see more of her as a person and not as a token NA person who literally is scripted to say 'my brain works differently than yours does' with the implication that her brain also works differently from the audience's NT brain and this ep is not for NA ppl but education/entertainment for NT ppl like you know what I know what it is. It's very alienating. the audience is told 'this person is DIFFERENT' and maybe sherlock is implied also to be but thats not an approach I personally like bc to me it feels very much like the perspective is NT (in this episode) so it ends up doing the opposite of normalizing neurodiversity. but maybe in the next episode with sherlock that'll change! and I'd be interested in hearing other ND ppls thoughts on this character since characters like her are incredibly rare still

[arodrwho]

i'm just. i'm so tired

every time i think maybe i deserve to live, maybe i'm not a garbage person, maybe i'm okay, i remember something else that i did wrong, something that means i haven't changed at all really, something that means i'm disgusting and should die

and i'm really tired of feeling that i'm disgusting and should die. like. super tired. ultra tired

i just wanna believe i'm allowed to live for once. i wanna think i'm not gonna constantly hurt people if i bend my stupid rules. i wanna think i don't have to constantly watch myself to be sure i'm not doing something monstrous or creepy

i wanna just. be a person

i've been saying for ages that i don't want to be a person bc i'm so bad at it, but really i wanna be a person so bad. just a person. not some awful thing pretending to be a person, which is what i feel like most of the time

someone just pretending. something just pretending. tricking everybody into thinking i'm one of them but really i'm not. i'm something a little to the left

something without real emotions, without real concern for others, without proper morals or compassion or substance or--any of it. something that's trying but is never gonna be quite there, bc it's not in me to get there

and to an extent i've always felt like this, but spending 2.5 years convinced i was a monster certainly didn't help? and all the many things i've done wrong since along similar lines don't help either, esp. bc one of the main ways i coped was telling myself that it was years ago and i'd never do the thing again and i'd made rules to make sure of it

and then i bent those rules just a little, reasoning that it couldn't hurt anyone, and then i bent them too much and did similar things and something that maybe was effectively the exact same even though it maybe wasn't but maybe it was. and so it feels like i did do it again and it makes me want to scream because that was my effort to Be A Person and i fucked it up

fucked it right the hell up

so i'm just kinda--

i wish i didn't make so many bad choices. i wish i deserved to live. i wish, i wish, i wish. like fucking pinnochio. wish i was a real person

a real person wouldn't make these choices. a real person wouldn't be so terrible. a real person wouldn't have to try so goddamn hard a real person wouldn't have to watch themself a real person would care more a real person wouldn't have to fake emotions a real person a real person a real person--

and it's stupid of course because real people do make bad choices and do have to try to make better ones and do have to put effort into caring and etc. etc. etc. and i know that, objectively

but it just. feels really bad that i'm like this, is the thing. it feels really fucking bad.

and i just want it to stop. i want to wake up one day and just--not feel horrible! i wanna feel like a person. i wanna feel like i'm not pretending, like i'm important and worth something and not irredeemable garbage doomed to keep making awful creepy choices forever. i want--

you know?

i just want.

but it feels so far out of reach. every time i get close, i remember something and i'm like. oh cool. so i'm still garbage, cool. of course i am

and i'm so tired of it. i'm so, so tired of it

[lesenbyan]

Sometimes I really do feel like I've lost most if not all of my ability to communicate with people bc I'm so frequently misunderstood by everyone into being this rude and/or uncaring bitch despite it being clear to me when I do and don't care and I do my best to signal in the societal Correct ways and it just doesn't work. I spend so much time these days agonizing over words and wording and second guessing myself and asking if things make sense to a degree that feels disproportionate to anyone's efforts to understand or meet me halfway. To the point where I keep looking up the communication issues common with psychosis bc I know it runs in the family, but every time I just decide that I'm stupid or Suddenly Bad At Talking and it's making me so tired.

It'd be one thing if it was a consistent issue with One Person. But it's an issue with everyone I talk to on any kind of regular basis from friends to coworkers to customers and all it's doing is causing Conflicts and making me feel miserable for talking when I also literally physically can not not talk all the god damn time. It's frustrating and demoralizing to be trying so hard and for it to just. Never work. Like clearly it's a me issue! Otherwise it wouldn't be so universal. Which makes it mine to fix. But it's so frustrating, why do I have to keep trying harder and harder in order to exist correctly as I get older and everything gets more and more fucked up in my head and body? Can't I just stop trying sometime? I'm already so fucking exhausted. I thought I'd feel better after sleeping and I just feel worse.

I just miss the days when I could say things to people and not have to second guess my wording or mannerisms while talking. Or maybe I've always been like this and just no one told me before, I don't know. But I'm tired and I miss being able to just be casual when talking.