#maybe it’s just a hallmark of the showrunners or directors!

[landwriter]

dead boy detectives is a show whose shortcomings and strengths make total sense when you think of it as a comic on tv, ie terribly goofy expository dialogue that sounds way better when you picture it in comic book font with every other word bolded, panel-paced conversation as our heroes figure out something very obvious, fun enormous monster set pieces that used up all the cgi budget which is why all the rooftop shots look Like That, incredible snap zooms and smash cuts in montages that hit exactly like comic panels, and side characters with bland or brilliant characterization that seems to hinge on the metric of ‘how much cunt did the actor put into their line readings’

[matchstickdolly]

Lucifer 5B: Cutting off Touch to Spite Your Fans

Spoiler warning: This post assumes you've watched all of Lucifer, season 5, part B.

CW: There's plenty I like about season 5, but this is a negative post. I know not everyone is up for negativity about the things they love. I also generally avoid it and (try to) keep my mouth shut about things I don’t like in most spaces. It’s good etiquette. But this is my space, and I have thoughts specifically about purity culture and the treatment of sexuality and trauma in fiction. You’ve been warned!

---

I'm a professional writer (not in TV). I've worked with enough bad clients, editors, and other writers to recognize some hallmark behaviors in how both Fox and Netflix gave Lucifer's writers incredibly difficult, unfair, and frankly weird situations to create through.

Fox did them dirty, interfering and ordering too many eps in S3. Netflix did them dirty, ordering 10 eps for S4 when it clearly needed ~13. Then Netflix ordered 10 "final" eps for S5—then, just kidding(!), 6 more after they'd done their writing for the 10. (What the fuck?) And then Netflix ordered 10 more for a "final-final" S6 after the writers had done their best to tell their whole story in S5. (MORE what the fuck.)

Talk about whiplash for creators, and half of those who consume content don't even care to understand such creative pain.

So, there are problems on multiple fronts. There's much I'll forgive writers, accordingly. I go into most shows expecting plotting/pacing issues. I look, instead, for characters and relationships that will triumph over those issues.

Heart is what the show Lucifer has always had in spades, both in its characters and in the immensely committed, wonderful ways the actors have tried to realize the characters' humor, love, trauma, and—most importantly—struggle to find healing. Yet, when given the opportunity to show health alongside another in a relationship, the writers/directors of 5B chose to remove most sexual humor and physical intimacy from their female lead and bi/pan characters to, I feel, sanitize them and troll fans. What happened?

Well, for one, say hi to showrunner Joe Henderson bragging about how the writers decided to be colossal dicks to the fans who helped secure their jobs:

From CBR's 'Lucifer Showrunner Joe Henderson Dissects Season 5B's Chaos'

Have we not suffered sidelined/repressed female characters, "bury your gays," and, oh, Chloe fucking a serial killer enough? Must we also say hello to neutered relationships once characters find stable love (whether same or opposite sex)? The result of withdrawing more sexual humor and physical intimacy from paired characters is an uncomfortable suggestion that they're reformed by "pure" love—more chaste and aloof, more acceptable in polite society. This is only done to end-game committed relationships.*

The writers seem to think they're edging the viewers, but the reality is they're taking traumatized minority characters who rejoiced in sexual freedom, but lacked and craved an emotional connection, and showing they can't have both, or, if they find both, it will never last. They've taken hypersexual characters and said, here, even they can have the love and commitment they desire, but some physical intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, is what they must trade for it.

There's always one more case, phone call, or coincidence interrupting intimacy. Traumas or deaths deserving emotional and physical comfort go on to receive none or only one aspect. Done sometimes, it's fine. Done always, it's sick. Dan dies, and there's no hugging? Really?†

Don't craft characters who crave a full range of emotional and physical intimacy, only to rob them of related scenes every chance you get. That's not complexity. That's bad writing. To even achieve this in 5B, they must squash banter and sideline their female lead yet again.

What a gift to purity culture, which tells us to be more palatable by bottling and buttoning up. That sex should be taboo, but violence glorified. That there is no heated desire among "Good Women," that sexual minorities of all genders shouldn't experience it much at all.

5A is so good. At the very least, it's on the right path (clearly, since the plot payoff from 5x01 to 5x16 is great). It shows a couple working through difficulties and trauma, toward each other emotionally and physically. It even pokes fun at people who think an established relationship means the death of romantic and sexual appeal (a tired and hugely sexist trope). And then... And then 5B reverses that, pretending established relationships are barely physical during emotional struggle and that the honeymoon phase doesn't exist. It robs characters of joy and comfort through physical intimacy when they need it to move through or push beyond trauma.

It's telling that so many fan wishes for Deckerstar are about healing touch and existing in each other's spaces: amending Chloe's spicy PDA history with Cain, Chloe caring for Lucifer's wings, soft family scenes a la Monopoly night and shared meals, morning-afters, etc. Reasonable fans aren't asking for porn; they're asking for connection and humanity. They're asking for writers not to forget characters (and, yes, including hypersexual characters) on their way from Point A to Point B.

That 5B lacks these things isn't a "tee-hee frustrating" slow burn or a cockblock. It is, in so many scenes, excising from characters a core part of what nearly every human and fictional monster craves. And it's a slap in the face to the "found family" trope. When you remove or tamp down a casual physical intimacy that was previously there, characters and their relationships fall flat, even if only partially. They become blunt weapons creators wield against watchers or readers begging for scraps of warmth.

Minorities shouldn't be killed off with ease, and they shouldn't be stifled with ease, either.‡ And maybe there shouldn't be deep trauma driving a wedge in a romantic relationship if you're not going to explore it through that relationship, too—physical intimacy included.

I'm still reserving some judgment. I loved the family drama and the end. (Although, again, where was the physical intimacy? No intimacy when Chloe or Lucifer return from the dead? Really?) I see where they could do awesome things, and could have done more if not for network BS.

But I no longer trust Lucifer's writers and directors. They thought S5 was the end. And what they gave us of Deckerstar, of the relationship that symbolizes health and healing in their fictional world, is this: cold distance. And they got a kick out of doing it, apparently.

If this is a "love letter" to me as a fan, I'm burning it. I can only hope S6 course corrects. If not, the writers who made these choices shouldn't write sexual minority and/or traumatized characters again. If you don't understand most of us, you should stop fucking using us.

---

* If you don't believe me about the differences between casual/short-term relationships and end-game relationships in Lucifer, go back and look at how Lucifer and Maze are with strangers in all the other seasons. Look at Chloe's sex dream, her propositioning of Lucifer in a library, her sex with Pierce in the evidence closet. Look at how much physical intimacy there is between Lucifer and Eve, and then between Eve and Maze (if only as a ploy). Across seasons, there are sex/kink jokes and scenes galore.

Compare this to how these same characters are portrayed when with their end-game loves. Notice the gentle pecks on the lips and the huge general drop in sexual humor between 5A and 5B. How boring. Where's the spice these characters had? Also, give me a damn break. Buttoning up in a relationship is contrary to four and a half seasons of emotional character work that's been communicating security in our relationships is personally freeing.

† I'm not just talking about sexual intimacy in this post, though that is a big part of it because of the characters. 5B lacked crucial found family scenes, too.

Chloe should have been at God's family dinner, but being so would have prevented more ham-fisted angst. Chloe never even has a one-on-one with God, probably because that would demand a straight answer about her miracle status, which I would guess will be used to drive yet another wedge between her and Lucifer next season, but we'll see.

In multiple before- and after-work scenes, there was no reason for Lucifer and Chloe to be apart more, even, than they were in S1 and S2. Monopoly night was in S3, for crying out loud. Most horrifying of all? No one touches Chloe after Dan's death, but Trixie. Meanwhile, Linda, Amenadiel, Ella, Maze, and Lucifer all receive physical comfort. No wonder Chloe's tired of being strong.

‡ If you don't think it's offensive that they stuffed all their wlw content for two hypersexual characters into a few clunky, irrational, and chaste scenes that rushed I love yous, a marriage-like proposal, and the mention of soulmates, I don't know what to tell you other than get off my lawn.

[docmurph12]

Ok review time. And remember, there is no war in Ba Sing Se.

My next request comes from my very good friend. The last time he and I sat down and tried to watch this was after we cleared through every episode of the animated series this movie was based on. We didnt get through ten minutes. So this was a fun, frustrating challenge. For those noticing, yes this is a retroactive review, instead of a "live" one. Reason for this is that as a fan it would be really difficult to be as objective as possible (given I already know this thing to be really bad) if I was distracted.

So what I know going in is that Shyamalan had a couple big flops and that he picked out this series to be his resurrection, thinking going the large scale epic route would be beneficial to his career. What happened was a ruthlessly infamous flop that resulted in nearly 6 years of silence, jokes, and memes prior to "Split" bringing Shyamalan back to relevance again.

First of all, this film could literally have been directed by anyone. Looking back at my review for Aladdin, I recall saying that I was shocked to find out it was directed by Guy Richey, because all of his hallmark signatures were missing. Same story here; The Last Airbender feels like a basic level cookie cutter epic filmmaking school project. Everything that makes a Shyamalan film is gone, which is crazy because the levity that makes ATLA (the acronym I'll use for the show going forward) is gone too. I have always said that as a director your job is to take what is written (which in this case was written by Shyamalan as well) and use your style to create a visual aspect that compliments the story told by the dialogue and events. Think of this writer/director relationship like one in comics between the writer and the artist. The artist is selected because stylistically he matches what is needed for the story. Great example of a good match is Sin City (picked because of loudness of its specific style). That story doesnt get told the same way or with the same impact with different color palettes, camera work, or actor direction. The Last Airbender is missing everything that gives a person a reason to select a specific director, especially one known for work in small scale supernatural thrillers.

The writing is.....super bad. There are a couple simple tools I like to use to identify if a film has scripting issues as opposed to anything else. First, is the dialogue done in a way that feels contextually natural? Do real people talk this way or is it written like shlockey, overly dramatic stage dialogue (think the Star Wars prequel trilogy)? Second, how easy is the story to follow? Are there gaping plot holes? Is it subtle with a good surprise? Does it hit you in the face with a story shovel with a handle made of heavy handed expositional dialogue?

Lastly, how hard are the actors trying to act around your script? Is it a good film where great performances outweigh poor to middling dialogue (Batman V Superman), or is it Bloodrayne? I've said enough on that, you get the point. That said, I am not sure the actors could have been saved by a better script. The cast was very poorly selected. Insensitive at worst (though I genuinely think the brown dude that insisted on the specific and coincidentally white folk he picked probably DIDN'T have a whitewashing agenda given what he said prior to release), out of touch with the source material at best, picking the virtual unknowns that he did really didnt pan out for him. The kid cast as Aang (pronounced AAng, goddamnit, not ONG, more on that later) got the role because he looks like the character, kind of, and only had a week of acting school worth of experience prior to filming the movie. Let's just say it definitely showed.

I am not sure TOTALLY crucifying the cast is entirely fair, so let's move the witch hunt to almost everything else. There is some good though, I promise so hang in there.

I really hope the editor got sent back to school. The purpose of editing is to make a cut that not only maintains but heightens interest in what you are watching. Cutting the fat in order to get to the point while not giving the movie away. Sometimes that means giving more than a 90 minute cut (which Shyamalan has taken at least partial responsibility for in this case) in order to preserve the story. There are scenes where the continuity from one cut to the next doesnt match up. Like consecutive cuts in one scene with massive distances traveled between cuts and even in at least one case a partial or complete costume change. It's extremely jarring. Something else about cuts--generally you cut to another angle or scene because the film requires you to in order to display more information that you wouldn't get in one single long cut. Usually a film has choppy cuts in it because the scene requires an character to do something the actor can't, or because the director or editor are bad at their job. The story, or sometimes in lucky cases just one scene, suffers as a result of bad or needless cuts. This is the case here. The strange thing is there are truly WONDERFUL long cuts of fight scenes that really suck you in, but the wierd juxtaposition between great non-editing and strange and bad editing really kicks you in the head. Enough on that. On to the next.

I did NOT see this movie in 3d. I understand that the conversion was really bad, but that said what I CAN speak to is the VFX. This film, with the exception of the lighting, was pretty well put together in terms of effects. There were really only a couple issues that were glaring in terms of VFX, but by and large it wasnt awful. There are definitely newer films that look worse. In standard. I dont know about 3d.

I think the thing that makes this film more frustrating than anything is that there are things about this movie I love. They are few and far between, but I really do love them. The intro was a really neat callback to the series intro to each episode. Then the movie happens. Then, the flying bison appears!! Then more movie. Then, a scene where Aang (not Awng) uses the glider in his staff. Then more movie. Then, all the practical martial arts, then, yet more movie. It's like this the entire way. Best comparison here? Green Lantern. It's like the Shyamalan said, "Hey, I like this and need a career boost.", then proceeded to cherry pick things from a beloved series and then ham and egged a movie with a confusing plot that absolutely requires you to be super familiar with the source material. There are a lot of assumptions made by characters in the movie that made sense given background provided by the show, but make absolutely none if you are going in blind. "Those are air bending tattoos, and I think he might be the avatar, despite he fact that I havent seen him bend anything and airbenders havent even been seen in over 100 years! Before my time!" Fucking come on. Throw the newcomers here a bone man.

The long story short here is I guess in spite of the casting decisions, editing, and direction, a good script could have made at least a fun movie. This movie should not have made it past script in the form we all saw it though, and it makes one wonder how much pressure was on everyone involved (almost all of it internally applied, Shyamalan did this project almost entirely on his own volition and cast a bunch of almost unknowns with the exception of maybe Cliff Curtis, so of course they said yes) to join in and take part in this without asking questions. Its upsetting to know the original showrunners were as ostracized as they were on this thing.

I dont see myself going back. Yes there were things that made me smile a little, but the film as a whole is so overwhelmingly bad in the face of those things it is just not worth it. I AM however going to go and rewatch the series with my wife and the kids for their first time, and maybe as a result of having to sit through this war crime of a film adaptation.

Final Verdict? I give it a D-. Purely out of respect for the very small handful of things I did appreciate. Next up?? The Lobster. Really looking forward to that one.

[efnewsservice]

April 13, 2018

Lana Parrilla interview pre 7.17

For this Friday’s episode of Once Upon a Time (ABC, 8/7c), original cast member Lana Parrilla found herself behind as well as in front of the camera.

Making her directorial debut, Parrilla helped bring to life a revamped tale of Hansel and Gretel, the former of which we now know to be Hyperion Heights’ Candy Killer. Her first foray into directing also of course came in the nick of time, with just six episodes left in the fantasy drama’s run.

Once Upon a Time: 10 Questions for the Series FinaleLaunch Gallery

Here, in TVLine’s last of so many Q&As over the years with Parrilla, she details how directing played right into her personal wheelhouse, before reflecting — Kleenex alert! — on the end of her reign as Regina fka the Evil Queen.

TVLINE | I have every faith that you went into this so incredibly prepared, but even so, was there anything that surprised you about your directing debut experience? I mean, I guess what surprised me was I had no idea how much actually goes into making a television show, or a movie, or any sort of production in our industry. I didn’t realize how many times we were going to read the script every single day, with every department, and go through every single detail of it. And I actually really enjoyed that part of it, because I am so detail oriented, and breaking stuff down on that level was a good percentage of the homework. I really, really appreciated how thorough every department was and how detailed everything was. I’d been wearing the actor’s hat for so long, I had no idea there was so much that went into it. Now having worn the director’s hat, I love it. It’s right up my alley. Prep is one of my favorite things to do, so it was really aligned with my process.

TVLINE | What’s a specific level of detail that the director gets involved in that we regular folk might not even consider? It varies because, as they say, film is the director’s medium, TV is a producer’s medium and stage is the actor’s medium. But what really surprised me was how open my producers were to my ideas — and I came with a lot of ’em. Especially with the gingerbread house and how I wanted the children to look, ideas for Rebecca [Mader]’s look and what happens at the midpoint in the script, and the energy and vibe I was looking for. And also visually what I wanted — color schemes, etcetera, the ambiance and the feel of a place, working with the art department…. I didn’t think that I was going to have as much input, but on Once Upon a Time they trusted me with the creative process more than I thought they would, and I was really taken by that. And very grateful.

TVLINE | Were there any specific directing challenges for this episode? Any stunt work or effects-driven scenes? Chilton Crane, who plays our Blind Witch, is an older woman, and there was a stunt that she had to perform. I was a bit concerned about her athleticism, whether this was something she had ever done before…. I envisioned the Blind Witch leaping into the air and landing in front of the Wicked Witch and holding a candy cane, threatening to stab her, and I wasn’t sure if Chilton could actually do that. I designed this whole stunt in my head and worked with the coordinator, and while there were a few little things we had to shift, at the end of the day it came together really, really well. I was very pleased, and very impressed with Chilton. She did an incredible job and really hung in there. A total trouper!

TVLINE | As we saw last week, “it’s personal” between Hansel and Zelena. Is that what these flashbacks are about? Yes, yes. There is a history there which you will see, while we also flash forward to Hansel seeking his revenge.

TVLINE | Henry of course has been abducted. Who all gets involved in that rescue operation? Well, there’s a few things happening there. The audience knows who the Candy Killer is, but a lot of us still don’t. Regina/Roni and Zelena/Kelly are working together to stop the Candy Killer, and then you also have the other side of it — our detectives are also on the hunt. Rebecca and I have teamed up like Lucy and Ethel. [Laughs] Or maybe we’re a little more Cagney and Lacey!

TVLINE | When I was on set, to hear Rose Reynolds say “Candy Killah” in her English accent, you almost want to meet the guy. She makes it sound adorable. She’s such a cutie! I love the girls.

TVLINE | I saw the video (embedded above) where you gave a speech to the fans gathered in Steveston watching filming [of Storybrooke scenes], and it was so wonderful. What specifically moved you to do that? It was my last scene in Steveston [British Columbia], and I was walking over to the green room when I saw this wall of fans. I just stood there for a minute to take it all in, and I felt so thankful and blessed that over the years we’ve had them follow us and be there to love and support us. Sometimes it can be an issue when we’re filming — sometimes we have to shift them around, etcetera — but to have a following like that is really special. I don’t know when that will happen again in my career, so I really wanted to take the time to acknowledge them and thank them. There are a lot of people who come from out of town, from all over the world, they’ve been saving all year to be there and get a glimpse of one of us…. I just thought it was really important to show my gratitude.

TVLINE | Regina has been such a hallmark role for you. Has there been a moment over the past couple of weeks where it really hit you that this was coming to an end? There have been several. Several, several. In fact, there was one just a few hours ago when I called [co-showrunner] Eddy [Kitsis] at the office on the lot, and on my phone it says “Once,” so I thought, “I’m going to have to delete this number at some point!” — and it hit me again. It has come in waves, and it has been very strange, because it’s so unknown. This has been such a huge part of my life for seven years — Vancouver, the show, the character – so it feels like a big, big loss, a big shift and change. It’s going to take some time to adjust.

I’ve had moments where I was really, really, really down, super-sad and emotional about it, and really felt like, “Oh my God, what’s next? What happens after this?” And I still have moments where I feel that way, but now I’m focused on the positive, which is: How lucky are we to have a show 22 episodes, sometimes 23, run for seven years? That doesn’t happen anymore, and I’m just really grateful.

[aion-rsa]

The How I Met Your Father Idea is Good, Actually

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

At first, it admittedly seems like a bad late April Fool’s prank. Alas, it is not. 

Per Deadline, Hulu today announced that it had commissioned a full-season, 10-episode order for a sequel to the hit CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother. To switch things up a bit, this iteration will be called How I Met Your Father and will star Hilary Duff (Lizzie McGuire) as Sophie, a woman in the future who is telling her son the story of how she met his father. 

The new series comes from This Is Us showrunners and Love, Victor creators Isaac Aptaker and Elizabeth Berger. HIMYM creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas are onboard as producers, as is Duff in addition to holding down the starring role. 

“I’ve been incredibly lucky in my career to play some wonderful characters and I’m looking forward to taking on the role of Sophie,” Duff said in a statement. “As a huge fan of How I Met Your Mother, I’m honored and even a little nervous that Carter and Craig would trust me with the sequel of their baby. Isaac and Elizabeth are brilliant, and I can’t wait to work alongside them and all of their genius. Just fangirling over here getting to join the Hulu Originals and 20th families. I realize these are big shoes to fill and I’m excited to slip my 6 ½’s in there!”

One could be forgiven for reacting to this news with annoyance or even outright horror. It has all the hallmarks of only the most creatively bankrupt decisions. A studio has taken a well-liked property, changed precisely one noun in the title, and tried to repackage it to you as new. That’s not even to mention the fact that HIMYM has a toxic legacy thanks to a deservedly loathed series finale. 

But if we try to put aside all the baggage for a moment, maybe we can appreciate that this idea might actually be…good?

Or at least I think it might be. And so too did American actress, director, visionary, celestial being Greta Gerwig. Real terminally online TV heads will recall that this isn’t the first time a studio has attempted to grab the low-hanging fruit of “How I Met Your (Insert Parent Here).” Back in 2014, just as the original show was wrapping up, CBS commissioned a frustratingly titled spinoff called How I Met Your Dad (why they chose “Dad” other “Father” in that title will never make sense) with Gerwig set to write and star.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Though How I Met Your Dad came before Gerwig wrote and directed 2017’s Lady Bird or 2019’s Little Women, she was already an indie cinema darling with an iconic role in 2012’s Frances Ha under her belt. To put it simply, even in 2014, Greta Gerwig was very comfortably above this material. But she signed up for it anyway and the show actually made it pretty far into production! Look at this footage from the actual pilot:

OMG, it was. With Greta Gerwig as the lead. #HowIMetYourMother #HowIMetYourFather pic.twitter.com/KWDET5q165

— Laura ลอร'า 劳拉 (@lsirikul) April 21, 2021

And get a load of this amazing DVD screener box art, highlighting a surprisingly excellent cast:

Time to break out this DVD for another watch? pic.twitter.com/ibmDe0gFc6

— Michael Schneider (@franklinavenue) April 21, 2021

Despite being a transparent money and zeitgeist grab and premiering so soon after HIMYM’s terrible finale, How I Met Your Dad made it pretty far all things considered. And I suspect it made it so far for the same reason that the project has popped up once again: it’s a good idea. 

Before losing steam at the end, How I Met Your Mother was really a charming sitcom. That is largely due to the talent of its cast and appeal of its characters (yes, even Ted Mosby) but it’s also due to the strength of its core premise. How I Met Your Mother was a show about the present (roughly 2005 through 2014) told from the perspective of the future. 

By narrating his own story years in the future (2030, which is scarily now only nine years away), Ted Mosby (voiced by Bob Saget) got to edit and tailor his story to his will. This meant cutting out some less savory aspects for children to hear (sandwiches instead of marijuana) or casting himself as the hero when he was the villain. 

How I Met Your Mother’s main narrative of five young friends finding themselves in the big city was often relatable and entertaining, but it was that meta narrative of a story being told from a flawed memory that made it truly compelling. To a certain extent, we are merely the stories we tell about ourselves to other people. And that’s what How I Met Your Mother was all about. 

Shows about (usually white) friends in New York City are an inescapable part of the TV landscape. From Seinfeld to Friends to Girls, they are simply never going to go away as long as there is television and as long as there is New York City. If they’re to be a fact of life, they might as well come along with narrative devices as creative and flexible as HIMYM’s. 

Now another group of talented folks will have the chance to pick up that narrative device and run with it. Aptaker and Berger are very capable television storytellers, as evidenced by their previous work. Duff is an appealing presence and has outlasted the stigma of Disney child stardom for a reason. Together, they’ve earned the opportunity to tell a new story with a familiar framing device.

And if none of that is convincing, just remember that if an idea is good enough for Greta Gerwig, it’s good enough for all of us.

The post The How I Met Your Father Idea is Good, Actually appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3dBXGw4

[bibliophileiz]

Review of Devil’s Bargain: Or, The Only Villain I like This Season is Sister Jo

Continuing my pattern of reviewing b*cklemming episodes as a coping mechanism, here are my thoughts on Supernatural’s latest episode “Devil’s Bargain.” 

Sister Jo

I admit, I got worried when I saw that first overly-sexual grace draining scene, but overall I liked Sister Jo/Anael -- if for no other reason than that it gives Season 13 an actual good villain. (Also apparently there’s a nine-year’s-long fandom theory Anna is the angel Anael? I had no idea.) Now if all those testosteroned bozos would clear the stage for her, we might have a cool showdown at the end of the season.

She’s kind of a Crowley 2.0 in that she understands the art of manipulation and surviving by her wits. I have no doubt she could play both sides easily. There’s still some cagey dialogue, no doubt -- Jo using the phrase “cost efficient” right after saying she’s a pretty good businesswoman made me roll my eyes. But given how badly b*cklemming ran Crowley’s character into the ground last season, I’m surprised Anael’s as well written as she is. I’d love to see her go toe to toe with a newly-powered-up Rowena

I’d also love to see a scene between Anael and Cas in which Anael’s “negotiating” the return of “the king of heaven’s son.” She’s reading it like a hostage situation and Cas is reading it like she’s betrayed heaven by propelling Lucifer to the throne. It will also be very interesting to see how Cas, in that circumstance, would react to learning of Lucifer’s promise to restore the angels’ wings.

Speaking of....

The angels

If those six angels kneeling before the throne at the end are the only angels left, then I’m actually all for the angels (sans Cas) getting their wings back. I’ve felt for a while the angels are kind of toothless now. Remember when Cas was so terrifying back in Season 4 that one demon wouldn't even say his name, just called him “the end?” It was chilling.

If you still have a whole host of angels left, bringing the wings back would feel kind of old hat. But if there are only a handful left and most of those have wings because they’re serving Lucifer, that makes them a threat again without just rehashing old plots. And I especially like the idea of Anael flashing her wings at Cas and his truck.

Ketch

Why, why, why is Ketch back? WHY?

Also, why does he keep bringing the same dumb deal to the Winchesters? “Let’s work together! Huzzah!” He actually says “huzzah!” Cas knocking him out was my favorite part of the episode. If only he had stayed in the trunk.

Asmodeus has more confusing powers

Did Asmodeus mind-whammy Donatello? I feel like maybe he did, but I’m not going to lie, I stopped paying attention to the scene as soon as I realized it was between Donatello and Asmodeus (read: immediately). I vaguely remember thinking he did something I’ve never seen a Prince of Hell do before but I was concentrating really hard on CandyCrush, so who knows?

Who’s on first?

I did not ... understand the motel scene.

So ... Sam, Dean, and Cas corner Anael outside the motel and she leads them back to her and Lucifer’s motel room. She knocks on the motel door and Lucifer answers, only for Dean and Sam to step into the room.

Lucifer then turns around and walks to the back of the room, only to have his way blocked ... by Cas.

Who just appeared. Magically.

Where did Cas come from? Is there a door in the back of the motel room? Where does it lead to? Did Lucifer and Anael get adjoining rooms? Why did they need two rooms? They don’t sleep, and they seemed to be having pillow talk on one shared bed anyway. Does the door lead to a balcony? Did Cas climb up the balcony? Why didn’t we get to see that?

But wait, there’s more. While Lucifer is distracted torturing Team Free Will, Ketch bursts in and throws ... something ... that flashes in a way that would be dramatic and impressive if this were Friends, but instead is kind of a letdown in a show where flashing stuff usually means someone’s about to die because the flashing thing doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t affect Lucifer or Anael, who fly away, but it also doesn’t seem to affect, you know, any of the other three people in the room.

What was it? What was it supposed to do? Kill Lucifer? Incapacitate Lucifer? In that case, why doesn’t it kill or incapacitate Sam and Dean? Does it only work on angels? If so, why doesn’t it kill or incapacitate Cas?

How did Ketch even get out of the trunk? This is the only question anyone in the episode thinks to ask, and the answer is: “I’m Ketch.”

Well ok then.

Roller Skate Girl and Cake Boy

The meet cute at the beginning gave me serious Charmed vibes, probably because my dad saw it and commented the woman looked like Phoebe Halliwell. Anyway, I kind of want to see b*cklemming try and write a Hallmark movie now. I’d drunk-watch the hell out of that movie.

Donatello

At least there’s a point to him being back this time even if he was the most forgettable part of the episode.

Also, when Kevin gets to our world, what’s going to happen? Will he and Donatello both be prophets? Will their powers cancel each other out? Will one be The One and Only prophet and the other go back to being a normal nerd? The people demand answers!

Dean and Cas are married

Dean and Cas aggressively apologizing to each other is my jam. Also I loved the “We’re boned” “Epically” exchange, followed by Sam’s WTF face.

Magical Maguffin

Oh, we have an archangel blade now? Nice to have heard of that before. Who names these things?

I mean, we do already have a weapon that kills archangels. You know, the Lance of Michael, the one specifically created to kill an archangel, wielded by an archangel, and which is currently in the custody of our dashing heroes?There would have actually been a point to bringing Ketch back if he told Asmodeus about the lance, given Mary told him about it last season. And then there would have been a point to Asmodeus if he disguised himself as Cas or someting and snuck into the bunker to take it. But that would have been an effective use of the villains, and we can’t have that.

Of course, we all know why the archangel blade was really introduced....

The one we’ve been waiting for

The archangel Gabriel -- our world’s version of him -- is back.

So ... on the one hand, of all the “dead” characters to bring back, Gabriel is one of the ones who makes the most sense, given the way he died is a way we now know archangels don’t really die. (Unless I’m remembering wrong. Doesn’t Lucifer stab him with an angel blade?) On the other hand ....

Yeah, that’s too many characters back and too much plot twisting.

Admittedly, I was never personally invested in Gabriel. I like the character fine, and I think Richard Speight Jr. is a great director and actor and seems to be a sweet person. I was totally on board for an AU version of him hanging out with AU Cas or AU Michael. But I was happy for our version to stay dead.

Now, if it were Charlie who came back, I would be throwing confetti, doing back flips, and excusing whatever plot gymnastics it took to make that happen, so I understand the jubilation of Gabriel’s biggest fans, and if one of the two people reading this are in that number, I am happy for you guys, I really am.

But I am also very, very worried about where the season’s going because it’s more than halway over and we have the following to wrap up:

- Jack’s sinister (ish) powers and his attempts to control them. - AU Michael’s plan to invade. - Ketch’s unnecessary double agent plot. - Asmodeus’ attempts to seduce Jack to the Dark Side and take over Hell. - Lucifer’s takeover of Heaven and attempts to win over his son. - Possibly the angels’ wings coming back. - Possibly Rowena’s power-up. - Run-of-the-mill Monster of the Week episodes, like the Scooby Doo one we’ve got coming up.

And now the showrunners want to throw Gabriel and an assassination plot into the mix?

It’s just a lot. And it’s the fifth -- count ‘em, fifth -- “dead” character to come back this season. It’s starting to feel like Game of Thrones or a really weird soap opera.

I feel like the showrunners are just throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks and I don’t know how they plan to weave it all  together. I guess they could save Rowena’s plot (incidentally the only one I really care about) for Season 14 and/or Wayward Sisters (neither of which have been greenlit yet as far as I know) which narrows it down a little but ... only a little.

The only way I can see it coming together is if the three separate archangel camps -- Camp Michael (AU angels), Camp Lucifer (Anael and remaining angels), and Camp Gabriel (Asmodeus, Ketch, and the demons) -- all come for Jack at once, and the Winchesters have to scramble to protect Jack and help him wield his powers against all of them.

Which is a cool idea on paper, but still a lot to juggle. Here’s to hoping Dabb and Co. can pull it off.