#maybe im naive idk why im always so surprised by this stuff

[smute]

no one does parasocial relationships like bravo tv viewers. i mean really its my own fault for watching reality television in the first place but sometimes i'll have a particularly weak moment and decide to check out the relevant hashtags or subreddits and omg. its always such a shock. there is nothing like watching multiple seasons of a show thinking of someone as the villain only to discover that she's apparently the most popular member of the cast lmao

[thecherrygod]

man im 22 and im still fucked up bc of highschool

[sweetie-sire]

Ayo i wrote some hizzie garbage 🗑 im both sleep deprived and tired of life so whatevr have at it wolves.

Its not good so lol but this tag is dead af so idk

Also dodie is sad af

~i can finally see ~

"I dont understand how you always manage to choose her side josie" im enraged beyond what i thought i could ever possibly be and my naive idiot little sister doesnt manage to get it through her thick little skull. Mikaelson is gone.

"No lizzie YOU dont understand, shes just lost she needs us now more than ever! How can you not see that?!" Shes been at this for the past 20 minutes and quite frankly its getting old.

"Jo, all i see is our dearest dad finally finding out the prodigal daughter is just an evil coniving bitch" i see josie flinch at the dry humor but i no longer care.

~youre as fucked up as me~

Josie gets up and walks out of the room, before she exits she turns to me "I get that youre hurt lizzie but you need to remember why hope even resorted to this in the first place. She gave up her life and landons life just to make sure everyone else would be ok." I can see that bringing up landon hurts my sister there are tears in her eyes and im so tired of everyone bringing up deceased bird boy, since he will probably just find a way to come back anyway.

"Yeah well maybe we can go ask dad if we should forgive hope then!" I yell but shes already left and my snark is useless and i feel so frustrated i could tear my hair out.

~so how do we win?~

Josie has once again taken upon herself to go chasing after our long lost tribrid trying to find a way to help her or whatever. I know just the way to help hope.

Cleo sowande is my very own personal hero right now.

~brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth~

Im driving from dead end to dead end and all i can manage to think about is hopes stupid evil "im a Mikaelson fear me" face and scoff

The balls on this bitch.

I pull up on a trail i picked up and the feeling of this dive bar is more unsettling than the last. I walk in and instantly feel the need to relieve my stomach of its contents.

Theres body parts and blood everywhere. Some guys head chopped off by a pool table. Brutal i dont even know how nobody has been in here to clean up the mess. Oh a concealment spell nice to know she cares about some things i guess. She could have at least lit the place on fire.

~im sick of losing soulmates so where do we begin?~

"Why would i burn my own room down Lizzie"

"With my family history im not exactly immune to those issues. I would never say that stuff about you"

I scoff remembering that and for some reason the back of my throat feels tight.

Josie may be right she might need help, but i cant find it in me to see the same girl thats understanding and i have grown to begrudgingly tolerate to be the one leaving a trail of bodies up and down the coast.

She mauled my dad whats stopping her from doing the same to the rest of us.

And i might have grown to love her too but josie is too soft to do what needs to be done.

Someone has to stop her.

~time and hearts will wear us thin so which path will you take~

I dont know what the fuck possessed me to say that idiocy. Impending death? Minute insanity? I can see the little gears in her tiny evil head turning

Theres a spark of someone i used to know flicker through her eyes.

And i see it the moment the hurt flashes in her mind what she went through to get to this point. I see her intent

The resolve. To end me. What did i expect?

Some sick twisted voice in my head tells me to keep going and see if i can reach her.

I slowly try to approach her and my voice is cracking i dont even know what im saying anymore

I see it in her eyes whatever hope was left is gone

Ironic

Before she has a chance to snap and as soon as i feel her hands wrap around my neck i rush forward

I close my eyes and say fuck it.

God i must really be crazy.

Her lips are unmoving but still soft i must have caught her by surprise because im still alive so i press on and i can feel her reciprocrate for a second and theres relief in my heart that maybe this will all turn out ok. Due to an unconsensual kiss of all fucking things.

Its something i never really considered doing while i was on my way here but minute insanity must have won over my fried brain.

I sigh as i feel soft hands tighten around my neck and it all goes black

Thats going to be one awkward as fuck conversation when she realizes im not actually dead.

Whatever serves her right.

*insert dodie lyric cuz im cant be bothered to do it*

+ lizzie wakes up and is super cool about it while hope is a crying mess on the floor cuz she killed this bombshell and sassy lizzie is everything.

[lilietsblog]

sailor moon episode 23 (nephrite gets fucked over: THE FUCKENING)

so obviously, seeing how i am the embodiment of pure logic, the next post is a sailor moon liveblog (those episodes are downloading fuck my internet)

man this sure is long... goddammit why is Nephrite's arc so good...

so hey if this isn't the first episode of the two-episode nephrite redemption arc

...and i have a ridiculous theory

it was last episode that Usagi destroyed the spirit that possessed Naru and Princess Diamond, and I remember joking about it being Nephrite's not-smooth side

what if there's truth to it what if in the last episode Usagi literally destroyed a part of Nephrite's soul that was preventing him from ever empathizing with anyone

i don't LIKE this theory mind you. i much prefer the interpretation that he was genuinely lonely bc its just more human and interesting

but also fuck Nephrite?

idk

hi Tsukino Usagi <3 you absolutely look like a superheroine. like since the secret identity thing first appeared, the idea that the superhero looked like an ordinary person in everyday life was the entire point, no?

OH HEY NARU my poor child )= who knows exactly how bad a decision she is making but I guess romance

and Usagi <3 'you're such a child' ahaha Naru if you only knew 'mature romance' I love just how much Usagi doesn't buy this bullshit <3 oh my god she's such a child though it's beautiful her and Naru

and Naru doesn't expect Usagi to react negatively to Sanjoin <3

I love how absolutely different in... tone? the two girls are here? Usagi, the emotional and exaggerated and passionate and playful and entirely self-aware of how childish she is being. and Naru, all engrossed in her ~romantic mystique~

Usagi really is the grown-up of the two of them here )=

queen <3

aw look at this Rei is in favor of cutting all the knots and sharing all the information and I can't not agree with this approach but also look how SURPRISED Usagi is when Ami suggests that they listen to her. like. Usagi literally doesnt expect them to want to hear her opinion on dealing with HER OWN BEST FRIEND.

everyone pls stop treating Usagi like shit 2k17 shes a powerful queen and can live through this but also... can we not

...granted, she ends up not being able to formulate a single thought when asked, but the point stands

Luna literally fuck you Usagi was the one who brought up the problem to begin with this was never yours to manage ever

oh and Nephrite has already gone rogue at this point he was fucked already I wonder what he's even looking for the Silver Crystal for?

'Kunzite told you to come check on me, didn't he?'

point 1: Queen Beryl couldn't summon Nephrite point 2: Kunzite and Zoicite know where to find Nephrite easily I wonder if the queen knows about the second fact... also, Nephrite is hiding from the queen, but expects Kunzite to be checking on him this looks like the shitennou have their own thing and i am Interested

...and they were talking like grownups up until Nephrite told Zoicite he would GET THE BETTER OF HIM after this its just HIDOI!!! <3

I WILL RESTORE MY HONOR sure Zuko whatever you say you are worse at your job than Jadeite and that's saying something

SPOOKY STAR STUFF BLACK CRYSTAL

I can't believe i ever thought the demons were cool but the aesthetics of everything are still pretty as shit and I wish more anime was like this )=

I love how Nephrite has no clue how his own compass thingy even works

OH MY GOD FIRST SIGHTING OF KUNZITE ISN'T IT AND LOOK AT ZOICITE BEING THE DRAMA QUEEN WHAT A PERFECT OPEN MOUTH HIDOI LOOK <33333333333

'WE CAN JUST STEAL IT' 'YOU'RE A GENIUS' ...im pretty sure Zoicite has come up with this himself and just wanted to lead Kunzite to suggesting it himself nothing is not fucked up here <3

aww Usagi faced with tough dilemmas <3 and nobody appreciates how difficult the emotional stuff is

omfg Usagi can spot Mamoru's fuckery telepathically before she sees or hears him <3

I love how little patience she has for his BS

MAMORU omfg these three are kinda Pure all together <3 Usagi's Other Friends ...as little as The Fucker qualifies as a friend...

okay he does give some helpful advice here

awww omg adorable Usagi is hungry and orders a ton of food makign the guys uncomfortable SHE IS VERY AWARE OF THIS DONT WORRY ITS MY TREAT ALSO MORE FOOD

I love my wonderful queen

also its an interesting contrast to that one Rei episode where she tries to set up a date with Mamoru Usagi is much more willing to go with the flow and relies much more on the situation in the moment than on cliches and truisms she's ordering lots of food, she will pay

...we all know why she's perpetually out of allowance don't we

YUKI YOU GOTTA BELIEVE USAGI RIGHT INTO IT she just shouts it all out and runs away ...maybe it would have been better if you stayed. Naru looks like she's going to act stupid just to be contrary <3

aww she did pay attention though HE IS JUST SO GORGEOUS JFC

man she's so naive OUR HEARTS MUST BE LINKED TOGETHER

poor Naru's mom )=

man the lamp and the butterflies this fucking visual metaphor the anime is not trying to fuck around with illustrating what Nephrite is saying

OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS THIS IS AIMED AT LITTLE CHILDREN AND KNOWS EXACTLY HOW UNSUBTLE IT HAS TO BE TO GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS

man Nephrite is an expert in manipulation not particularly subtle but effective on his chosen target, as he always is

man this smirt the bug zapper what is subtle?

poor Naru's mom )= and she worries about what's happened to Naru <3 she's securely in her corner

I love the way this conversation is playing out in the bg while the visual is Usagi running <3

transform, not transform, whatever, not the point

Usagi is protecting Her People <3

man the aesthetic of Sailor Moon reigns in my heart still unchallenged

I'LL ARREST YOU ON A CHARGE OF ROMANTIC FRAUD I'D SAY USAGI WAS THINKING UP THIS LINE THE ENTIRE TIME SHE RAN BUT LET'S BE REAL HER TALENT FOR MAKING UP THIS SHIT ON THE FLY IS UNCHALLENGEABLE

man she is so soft and round I love her <3

ahaha when faced with a choice of upholding his lie or attacking Sailor Moon Nephrite doesn't hesistate <3 he knows his priorities and he cn always mend things with Naru

man and Usagi is out of it in the middle of the battle again it's like she snaps into and out of fight mode and when she's out her processing is just kinda frozen by all the terrible shit going on she needs time to reset and get her head in the game and normally, that's what Tuxedo Kamen does

but this time, here come the girls <3

Usagi is not operating without backup, and boy is she happy about this fact right now

the absolutely ridiculous length of the animation of Ami's attack and a like ten seconds pause between Bubble and (Beam) Spray jfc Rei's is nearly as bad but still a little faster

OMG HERE IS THAT MOMENT 'Sanjoin-sama!' 'I didn't know she was still there...' the moment when Naru, in Nephrite's mind, crosses the line from 'bystander to be fucked with' into 'me and mine'

...and then she literally jumps in the way of Sailor Moon's tiara which has to be up there in 10 stupidest things anyone's ever done like girl Sailor Moon is a superhero you know it as well as anyone Nephrite is not even protesting the accusations and he would probably have dodged again he's been pretty good at that but no in your mind, a romantic story is already playing out, and in it, you're the plucky heroine, the only one in the unlucky hero's corner oh girl <3

I love how slowly the tiara is flying there it's not even slo-mo Usagi and Naru have time to talk and react with normal speed but Nephrite doesn't move

I guess this is just an anime convention and it IS meant to be slo-mo it's really cute <3

and aw yis Usagi displays fine control over her attack like yeah she's panicking but she like... does manage to stop it successfully (BY ASKING IT NICELY) (I LOVE TSUKINO USAGI) (and she is really surprised that it worked)

"This girl cares for me..." dear Nephrite. EXACTLY HOW IS THIS A SURPRISE. like you've been... setting her up for precisely that for the last two episodes already, and the entirety of this one

I guess it's not that it's surprising, but that it's really sinking in that he's got someone in his corner, someone who wants to protect him, someone who just probably for real saved his life someone behind whose back he can be safe I love this shot a lot:

its just so good in getting across the emotional filling with composition <3

and Naru is still not finding anything weird in the way Sailor Moon says her name desperately 'Naru-chan...' I GUESS SHE'S A LITTLE DISTRACTED AT THE MOMENT

oh hey the Black Crystal lights up wasn't it Usagi's tears that ended up turning into the ginzuishou and she's crying right now so that makes sense I wonder if it highlighted Naru as someone who can make Usagi cry...

OMG AND NEPHRITE'S MIND GOES INTO A DIFFERENT DIRECTION ALTOGETHER NO WONDER ZOICITE KNEW EXACTLY HOW TO GET HIM 'Is it reacting to a kind heart? Sacrificing her own life to save another...' like yeah it's a more plausible theory than 'Sailor Moon's tears are the ginzuishou' but he looks so profoundly affected by the idea <3

'Is this what human love is?'

okay now I'm just wondering what the fuck is going on in the Dark Kingdom because there's only so much fun I can poke at this bundle of ridiculous and this looks like Nephrite is speaking from bitterly jaded experience rather than ignorance look at his face

'fuck the dark kingdom for being fucked up, fuck the humans for having it better, and fuck me for getting myself stuck in this situation' <33333333333333 (look at the eyebrrrowsss)

omfg the monster

omg Naru picking it up

AHAHAH AND IN THE MOMENT WHEN HE'S PROTECTING NARU AND THE CRYSTAL WHEN HIS ACTIONS MAKE TOTAL SENSE WHAT HE SAYS IS NARU'S NAME IN THAT SPLIT SECOND HE WASN'T THINKING OF THE CRYSTAL

man I just... no matter how much of a fucker he is, this is still compelling )=

OMG USAGI'S SHOCK THO I LOVE WHAT THIS ANIME DOES WITH ITS VISUALS

Naru just faints

AND NEPHRITE HIMSELF IS IN EQUAL AMOUNT OF SHOCK LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS MY BRAIN DOING THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL AND I DONT LIKE THIS

YOUR HANDS DID NOTHING WRONG DUDE THAT WAS A REASONABLE THING TO DO WHAT YOU NEED TO GLARE AT IS YOUR OWN MOUTH GRANTED THAT WOULD BE HARD TO DO WITHOUT A MIRROR PLEASE IMAGINE NEPHRITE FINDING A MIRROR JUST TO GLARE AT HIS OWN MOUTH IN IT WITH ME

seriously tho, he didn't even seem to realize that that was protecting the Black Crystal too, he just... didn't process that part. in his memory of his decision making process of that split second figures only Naru

<33333333333333

omg how pissed the demon is at Nephrite for BEING A TRAITOR AND DARING TO PROTECT A HUMAN

we get very few glimpses into what the Dark Kingdom is like and this is... interesting so much as just expressing care about a human is enough to be judged traitor... at least by this particular demon. might be just her tho

I love how thoroughly unimpressed Nephrite is with her attack like wow are you serious there

and Usagi steps in so we don't find out how the fight would have played out

look at this girl when she's had the moments of calm to get her bearings <3

oh and look at them standing around Naru all together! I'm not saying this is giving more fuel to my 'save Nephrite' Naru fanfiction urge but... it's totally giving more fuel to it a momentary ceasefire over a shared priority

and look at Usagi being visually obviously the leader... but also the most vulnerable and distracted one... and one being the reason for the other. Usagi is the one who has an avenue to act here, a motivation, someone who WILL initiate a ceasefire, and the girls stand over - and behind! - her as her bodyguards, for what might be the first time

they are deferring to her decision and backing her up fully

it would be really nice if this didn't come on the heels of a continuing storm of verbal abuse but o well i'll take what i get and so will Usagi

the leader purely because she isn't going to follow anyone else

AND HE GIVES HER BACK THE BAUBLE NOTICE HOW HE DIDN'T DO IT IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE REALIZED IT WAS USELESS IT JUST DIDN'T OCCUR TO HIM THAT IT WAS NARU'S PROPERTY AND HE SHOULD RETURN IT BUT NOW HE DOES BECAUSE CONCEPTS SUCH AS 'NARU IS A PERSON AND HER INTERESTS AND PROPERTY ARE A THING' HAVE APPEARED IN HIS MIND

and oh man I can't get enough of the visual moments in this

this doesnt get to be a moment Nephrite wordlessly shares with Naru this is a moment Nephrite wordlessly shares with Naru and a very pissed Usagi she is there, she is looking out for Naru, and she is not amused

queen <3

"Nephrite, why can't you be a little considerate of Naru's feelings?!"

this is interesting in how much Usagi is out of sync with Nephrite's arc here like there's the obivous answer that he has no reason to be and then there's the point that he just kind of was there's him barely just starting to figure out that Naru HAS feelings and the fact that this outburst at this point is more likely to set him back on this journey than help him along

Usagi is NOT here for his arc and nOT here for his bullshit she's here for Naru, and all logical reasoning, plot, character arcs and emotional subtleties of the manipulator can go to hell Usagi cuts straight to the point if Nephrite wants to be on the same playing field as her he damn well better live up to ALL of her standards fuck baby steps

AND THE GIRLS BACK HER UP WHICH IS BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE MORE AWARE THAN USAGI OF HOW LITTLE MOTIVATION NEPHRITE HAS TO BE CONSIDERATE OF NARU THEY AREN'T GIVING HIM THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT USAGI IS BUT THEY SHARE THE SENTIMENT AND THEY WORD THEIR STATEMENTS AS SUPPORT FOR USAGI AND HER POINT I LOVE THIS

oh my god tho 'obviously he doesn't have a heart!' and Nephrite makes a really ugly grimace and goes 'obviously you guys know nothing!' i wonder where that hurt him ...and he segues right into the ginzuishou helping the dark kingdom rule the world which is an adorable nonsequitur indicative of just how much of a war over priorities is going on in his head right now he's trying to convince HIMSELF that he doesn't care about Naru and he's successful-ish... for the moment

omg this is literally the first time the senshi hear about the ginzuishou isn't it let's hear if Luna knew about it 'it sounds familiar' apparently nope

SARAMADA HAHAHAHHA i love this dork

OH MY GOD USAGI <3 'stars, please, if Nephrite cares about Naru, don't let him do any more bad things' I just love everything about this Usagi is giving him the benefit of the doubt because she's just like that it's who she is (WE HAVE THAT IN COMMON) she also realizes that it's going to take fucking star intervention to have him not do any more bad things because caring about one person =/= not being a complete fucker

...

OH MY GOD

STARS RIGHT

AND NEPHRITE

AND LET'S BE REAL DYING AT THE END OF THE NEXT EPISODE IS THE ONLY WAY HE COULD END UP NOT DOING ANY MORE BAD THINGS

DID

DID STARS HEAR USAGI'S PLEA AND GUIDE NEPHRITE TO HIS DEATH SO IT COULD COME TRUE

IS THIS REDEMPTION EQUALS DEATH ENFORCED IN-UNIVERSE

IS USAGI'S HEARTFELT PLEA HERE THE REASON NEPHRITE DIES

THAT IS VERY THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE AND VERY HILARIOUS

look at this pure child who has no idea she's condemning him to death at this point <3

[skzmyuniverse]

Hello dear, could I request a ship with each unit of nct please? It would be great if you could include reasons why, but you don‘t have to ofc! I‘m an INTP/Scorpio and a very affectionate/soft/uwu person and I apparently even look soft and pure(?). I‘m basically the definition of the she attacc - but she also protecc meme since I‘m always ready to figHt others who hurt my loved ones and would do anything to protect and help others - even if it means that I‘d get hurt in the process. [1/3]

“Since alot of ppl are vv self-conscious, I love to shower everyone in affection and presents to show them how much I love them!! Idk, seeing others being happy just kind of makes me smile as well // Although I’m mentally strong, I’m physically pretty weak and also vv clumsy, kinda naive and get confused super easily which leads to everyone babying me alot (which i don‘t mind tbh lol).This is why one of my nicknames is „smol duckling“ as well, haha (might also be bc of my short height :“)) )[2/3]”

“My only talents are prbly falling asleep anywhere anytime ((and I get even more affectionate when im tired :““))) )), making bad puns and being either extremely smooth or being salty and roasting everyone ((w/ lob ofc)). I do enjoy sitting in cafés, going for walks, cooking and drawing tho-so basically anything chill.I also tend to make,,rlly weird noises?idk when something surprises me i just let out a short high pitched squeal for example. Thank you a lot and have a wonderful day, dear!! [3/3]”

Hello! My browser decided to crash just as I was about to post my response (2018 and I still have bad internet ffs) Anyway, I’m sorry for the late response!

Ok so this was a lot of information to take in but even better for me to work with. There’s so many people I would ship you with, having to choose just 3 was difficult haha.

The dreamies were easier for me to choose from so from NCT Dream I ship you with Renjun! I’m  not too good with star signs but my boy Renjun is a fellow Aries, he’s very... let’s say aggressive, with the members but he honestly loves them. Violently throwing his members to the floor and putting them in a headlock is just how the boy says “I love you” He’s always there for the other members especially Chenle! It’s less frequent now but he used to try to build Chenle’s confidence up when it came to speaking in Korean. I can see you two bonding over something as simple as a doodle he might’ve drawn. However although you guys have some similar personality traits there are also some opposite traits that you’d both have to come to love and understand. (bc I’m a sucker for opposites attract) Just imagine him laughing at your loud squeals (he’s now immune to high pitched squeals bc of Chenle *cough*) I’d see your ideal date as being something simple like watching movies together.

In NCT 127 I ship you with Yuta! Again I’m not good with star signs and this whole astrology stuff but I’d imagine there would be some clashes due to your scorpio nature. HOWEVER, you’re a soft person. Our Japanese prince would feel that it’s his duty as a “manly man” to protect soft you. As for the puns... well, he’ll get used to it haha. Since you’re incredibly clumsy he’d probably just say “ah seriously you’ll never change” whenever you trip or break something. The main reason I ship you with Yuta is because of your desire to make sure everyone is happy! It’s never easy to remember to take care of yourself when you’re busy taking care of others so I think that Yuta would be good at making sure you remember that you are also someone who needs to be taken care of.

Ok so for NCT U I had to do a bit more thinking, At first I thought Taeyong would be good but then I came to the conclusion that I ship you with Lucas! As a new member of NCT we have all come to realise that Lucas is just a complete meme. But underneath the “We gotta dream man!!!” exterior is actually someone who really cares for others. This lost member of NCT Dream would probably either laugh at your bad puns or go “ayeeeeee” for the longest time possible. I think it would be easy for you two to get along because you both seem to radiate happiness wherever you go. You two would probably go to a cafe only to realise that it would be better to goof around while taking a walk or go cook a meal instead. Ok maybe I’m waffling on a bit but you and Lucas would be a good match due to the fact you’d both just be really affectionate!!

This was terrible, I had to re write everything sorry!

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 10 - “MAYBE REPUTATION DOES PLAY A BIG PART IN THINGS?” - ED

Whew. SO someone has the other half of amity? I'm shook

I wanna vote this Eliza bich out so bad She's so BORING FUCK Be FUNNY perhaps

I'm really frustrated that I can't give more time to this game. Maybe once there's a couple less people I will be able to get a better idea of what's going on.

I gave Eliza my advantage 2 rounds ago. I don't know if I mentioned that.

I kind of want to work with Otto because they are really honest with me but I know Eliza doesn't trust them. Hopefully Geo can go next. I'll use all the power I have in this duo to try and get him out first.

I really love the BH5 alliance. They are all great people and the chat is always poppin'. I'm super curious to see who everyone is. Im really hoping they all stick with this 5 until f5. I'm also gonna try to keep Lucy and Gio and Lake close so I can tell where their votes are going. The plan is to get Otto out next because he told Lake he wants me out or I'm winning. I told BH5, and they immediately said, "Otto? Gotta go." They think it's unwise to align with Lake because he leaks plans, but he didn't leak the Kyle was the vote. Lake is a good egg to keep close, and I will as long as they will let me keep him. We have a live challenge of Cut the Rope tonight, and as long as Otto doesn't win, I'm fine with it. But hopefully everyone likes me enough to let me win? After all, I have the most friends, right? ;)

I really hope Eliza is okay, she's my dear :(

This is my first cut the rope. I'm anxious. Who do I come for first, Lake? Otto? Geo even? LUCY? Who knows? NOT I SAID THE PAYTON. NOT... I.

I know that my last confesssionals were cocky but thats cause i didnt know the truth. Otto is a fucking dick and i dont get why hes calling me melania. whoever you are i hope you get lost in whatever fucking space station you came you little good for nothing fat ass loser, theres no point in keeping you around if youre going to be rude af when all you do is sit around and raise your cholesterol level and know theres no point in continuing if theres nothing on youre resume and you're never going to win you little bitch so yuo might as well quit now before it gets even more uglier for you

IM SCREAMING BECAUSE LUCY AS THE OL. SHE WAS LITERALLY LIKE "I HAVENT EVEN HAD TIME TO FIND ~HALF~ AN IDOL" AND I WAS LIKE OMG THAT WAS SO SPECIFIC SHES GOTTA HAVE IT NOW I CAN USE HER AND IM DEAD IM SO DEAD

I'm trying to spice this game up i really am

I'm laughing so fucking hard

"Literally. Who." Otto talking about himself 2017

I dont know who these inatives are thinking they can say whatever the shit they want Otto and Lake can go kill themselves and I wouldnt bat an eye i literally hate them so much

ohhh SO Much is happening!! so i just found out payton has the other half of the amity IDOL AHHHH thank god. great news for me tbh. also this challenge is so enlightening, at least now i know where i stand... it seems like the minority is me, geo, otto and lake. i tried to test the waters about working with them to geo and he shut me down so fast, he's just obsessed with sticking with payton and ed when its pretty clear neither of us are in ed's top group. also ed always wins reward and now just won immunity and hmm... i just don't trust him! though he has been keeping me safe so far, i just have to keep looking like the poor little deer that needs them to guide me to safety every week.. otto just approached me about making a "big move" and like i want to so bad... but i literally am fucked if i lose the trust of payton or ed... and geo is obsessed with them so i don't think he'd be down for it either. the last two votes have gone exactly how i wanted them and in a perfect world melissa would go this week (am i gonna hold a grudge that she posted the closed flower? i sure am!) or even jill... people don't like lake or otto but they're just like irrelevant people that i might be able to use for a vote in my eyes so its too early to let them go, but i also sure will throw them right under the bus if i need to in order to stay another week! this is gonna be a tough vote. we'll see though.

me: about to dissect otto's argument

Otto: you bitching in the jill, eliza, and payton chat? me: thats stupid to call out in the tribe chat

Otto: why try to pick off outsiders me: cause of stuff like this

Otto: nobody talked to me about the vote, if so, they lied to me or they were voted me: apparently it's going to be Kyle Otto: (according to Lucy) *votes lucy*

Otto: i dont get messages from people in control of the game me: what is that supposed to mean you stupid bitch you can take control with people not in control!!

Otto: ill respect people who will make the end to talk to me me: fuck you

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

i dont get why im coming after otto now im a genuinely nice person

FIREWORKS.

Very pleasantly surprised at how that immunity went. I know I'm a colossal target after winning the last three rewards and now an immunity. I know everyone suspects I have an idol, even though I've only confirmed that fact to Payton and Melissa. But I'd argue I'm in a VERY good spot for now. Maybe the second-best in the game after Eliza.

I'm reasonably sure the vote is falling on Otto this week, and for me it's a great move. He's pleading that people get more self-interested and make a move, but that only makes sense for those who feel they're at the bottom. Me, I'm fully invested in the BH5. I think the rest are too. And I like my odds at F5. I can win comps if needed, I have an idol as a failsafe, and realistically I suspect Lucy and/or Payton will need to be idoled at F6 using their halves of the Amity idol. That's great news. Payton found out about Lucy's half-idol last night, and she's realistically the best person who could have had it, as far as leaving Payts and I with options.

So unfortunately for Otto and his 'big moves' approach, that makes me even more eager to boot him – not because he's inactive or because of his past sins, necessarily. More because he's being very clever about this. If anyone takes him up on it, or feels like they're at the bottom of the BH5, then suddenly my position is much more tenuous. And the longer they're  exposed to it, the more it might resonate with anyone who feels even slightly vulnerable.

And look, I'm not naive. I realize that Payton and I were late-comers to the alliance. And I'm probably the first target when we get down in numbers (or when we lose immunity, maybe. I'm not convinced anyone REALLY wants me in the F5 except Payton.) But I still think this is a good spot. I trust my instincts, and they're telling me that this group may very well bring me to 5 and try to cut me then. Likely flushing my idol before then, but still. If they do bring me to the F5, that's probably a mistake on their behalf. And if they do take me out before then, all the kudos in the world to them.

I really like where I stand with Payton (obviously,) Melissa and Eliza. I think I'm least tight with Jill, which is very surprising because I still think we're on great terms.

Man, I just love this alliance. I can't wait to find out who all these people are after the game, because they're a lot of fun.

I also really like Lucy and can't get over how clever she was about revealing her possession of the half idol to Payton. Payts asked if she'd found anything and she said "omg no i havent even had time to find HALF an idol." Like, that's REALLY smart. It wouldn't raise too many concerns or suspicions to anyone who didn't know that the Amity idol was halved, but to someone in the know, it's a subtle poke. Really clever. A great option – and I can't see Payton wanting to stick with BH5 to final five. So that gives us flexibility to make a move without forcing me to get my hands dirty.

This game is going a lot better than I could have hoped. Huh. Maybe reputation DOES play a big part in things?

I'm SO SCARED that Jill wants my head. She came for Melissa and that concerns me. I'm hoping light discussion of condiments will make her dislike me less.

If you're gonna kill a grape, ferment it and drink to its life cut short - Ed, 2k17

I'm this group of sinners not even being able to keep their alternative facts straight - Melissa, 2k17

BH5 is just ed and all his sister wives at this point

this vote! is so messy! everyone is throwing out fake names, eliza's throwing out geo's name to me and otto, but then payton's telling me the vote is still otto. i really really appreciate otto's desire to make a big move and i want it to work but it looks like the numbers just are not there. he's trying to get that big group to split themselves but its just not realistic...i think at like 8:45 I'm gonna tell otto that its him tonight and just :( feel sad for him for a minute because that alliance is already bigger and stronger than we thought :(. otto first wanted to do payton but i steered him away from that and now i think he's gonna go for jill, which honestly would be another move in my best interest but like i said. the numbers. just aren't there. unless he can pull some magic in the last few hours before tribal its not going to happen. my best bet next is to try and get closer with eliza/jill and warn them about how close payton/ed are and like dfkslsdkj just break up their weird power group sooner rather than later. on another note its super cute and nice to not have my name being thrown out for the first time in awhile :) i feel safe.....maybe that means this is the week i go home hmm.

i hate myself im screaming im leaving on my moms birthday bye bitches fuck you all sorry otto btw!!

i dont know what to believe, i dont want to leave today, i hate evryone rn cause idk whats happening and i cant trust no one, i shouldve just played more cutthroat fuck it all i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself, im leaving tonight

So I've got Payton, Lake, and Jill all telling me that Otto is going for me, sending me receipts, and I'm so so afraid I will be gone tonight. All it takes is for one of BH5 to flip and I'm gone. Or an idol. The plan is for BH5 plus Lake and Lucy to vote Otto, but I'm terrified of idols right now. Ah.. I'm just so afraid I can't even think right now

The names I've heard come up are KYLE, LUCY, and LAKE. Personally I'd want KYLE or LAKE out, but I'm not confident there are numbers there to get either of them out? I actually would really want KYLE out because I think targeting LUCY for "inactivity" is really boring and stupid because it doesn't push the game in a more fluid direction. Eliza apparently wants the FOUR people to pick off the SIX people until we're down to the core. She probably wants this because she'd win. I'm SLEEP!!! I think that is just so boring and stale and pointless and it's like... what's the point of playing if the plan is just to pick off the minority, and then pick off the people outside of the core alliance? Like shake it up... have some fun? Make some moves. Try to have a good time. If Eliza got to the end I'd probably vote for anyone that wasn't HER because she seems to be the one sort of leading that charge for this stale gameplay. Anyways. Whatever. I'm trying to talk more and have funny conversations with people so we all have a good time. But I don't think I'd get to the end because? I just don't have a tight alliance with anyone. But ALSO like.... it would make sense for people to take me to the end as a goat....  Moving forward I think my only/best option is to just.... win challenges! And every time I'm immune I can just.... TRY to shake things up to gain favour with the jury maybe? Idk.

WHEW I'm the moment when I forget I'm a 20 year old good girl from Massachusetts and jump head-first into the Discourse in the tribe chat. In a span of five minutes, I threw myself onto Team Wine and talked about shook white boys with a RuPaul obsession likeeeeeeeeeeeeee I probably should have just dropped a selfie while I was at it, I'm a damn mess. In other news Jill is rude, I deserved immunity, Otto is a disaster, no one trusts Ed, I might be working with Lake in a minute, no one remembers Geo exists but he still lost immunity first, and idk a Lucy but I still wanna thank her for that open flower last round that was real sweet of her. And Ed is right, "it's a dick, they're not that complicated" from the tribe chat really does need to be an episode title <3

So thinking about my conversation with Otto in the tribe chat last night, I am realizing something. The reason the alliance of 5 between Melissa, Eliza, Ed, Payton and myself is together is because we are all usually online for this. The others are not on as much and it's difficult to really plan votes with them. I don't even know how to talk to any of them about the votes because I don't usually talk to them and they don't talk to me. As ugly and boring as our 5 person alliance steam-rolling merge is, I think it may be my best chance. I am hoping that no one is going to try anything shady. I want to be the one to do shady things. F5 terrifies me because idk how it will go. I basically hope i can make it past that tribal and then I will be happy

Voting against Eliza's wishes.

But Jill deserves it.

I'm so mad. Fight me.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS TRIBAL IS A MESS. A HUGE, HUGE, MESS.

I am literally hyperventilating. Jill pretty much told Otto we know about his plans and if he has an idol, it's definitely being played. Payton and Ed say that if Otto plays an idol, Ed will play his idol on me. Im just so... why would Jill do that? If she winds up leaving because of this, I'm fine with it but.. I'm literally freaking out and I'm also trying to kill zombies right now and I just can't focus. If i need to play the simulation, I will