#maybe ill probably print like 4 or 3 of these bad boys

[enchanted-twisted-dream]

🎠🎠Let’s Ride the Merry-go-Round🎠🎠

A (not so quick) piece I did based around this little cardigan I found. That background was a PAIN. Also, if you’re wondering why there’s a big ol’ watermark there, it’s because I plan on making this a print! ...Hopefully. I’m...not sure just yet. Depends how much I hate it in an hour.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Weight of Their Worlds

Switch AU

I’ve been neglecting JJ in this AU. Ironic, considering he’s my favorite out of the normal boys fjhaskld So he gets his own story! That’s great! There’s also a little bit about Schneep in here, but it’s mostly JJ. Let’s check in on him, see what’s been going on with him in this AU, how he’s interacting with other people and going about his life. This one is a long one, boys and girls and other, but I really like how it turned out.

More of this AU found here

The alarm went off at eight o’clock am. The beeping had been ramped up in volume, something that Jameson suddenly very much regretted. He also regretted that he’d set his alarm clock on his bookshelf across the room, instead of the nightstand right next to him. He groaned and rolled over, briefly considering throwing a magic bolt at the clock to shut it up, but instead stood up and walked over to turn it off. He sighed. Well, he was awake now.

Normally, JJ was more of a morning person than a late waker. But he hadn’t been sleeping well lately. Last night, the last he’d glanced at the glowing digital numbers of the clock, it was 3:45 am. And he remembered waking up a couple times, too. He was probably nervous about what he had planned today. 

Which reminded him. He needed to get ready. He went through the drawers and found a set of clothes for the day, then went downstairs. While heating up a cinnamon roll for breakfast, he jotted a note down for Marvin, explaining where he would be all day:

Sorry, I won’t be around all day. I have that meeting with another magician at nine, that one I told you about a few days ago. Then I’m going to go visit a few people and study at the library. I have rehearsal starting at 4:30, you can come watch if you want. See you later! -JJ

He hoped that would help. Marvin hated being out of the loop.

After that, it was a half hour to get ready, and another half hour to take the car and drive to the park, where he’d be meeting...someone. He wasn’t sure what they would look like. About two weeks ago, he’d reached out to the ABIM—the organization that functioned as a loose government for magicians. He didn’t know much about them, having only interacted with them maybe once or twice. But...well, things were starting to look bad. Jackie had been missing for six months. He hadn’t had any luck scrying for Jackie’s location, and there were no signs of Distorter to go off of, either. He hadn’t seen Anti in person in a few weeks, Schneep was being evasive as well, and Marvin...well, he wasn’t exactly talking about what was going on with him, but Jameson could hear him and his nightmares through the floorboards.

So of course, Jameson had to do something about this. He couldn’t just let everything fall apart. He had to make sure the others were alright, had to find some way to help fix everything. But at this point, he couldn’t do it on his own. Which is why he reached out to the ABIM, hoping other magicians would have some sort of advice. A week ago, they’d gotten back to him, saying they would send a representative out to talk.

Which was why he was in the park right now, walking around the perimeter of the small pond, looking for someone. The park was pretty empty at nine in the morning, on a cloudy weekday, so it was easy to see the only other person around. She spotted him at the same moment, waving him over to a bench sitting by the pond’s shore.

“So. You’re Mr. Jameson Jackson, then?” She asked, eyes scanning him as he approached.

“Yes. And who are you?” He scanned her in turn. She wasn’t too unusual, he supposed. Well, she stood out a bit because of her red hair and green eyes, a rare combination. But her jeans, T-shirt, and zip-up hoodie didn’t seem too magical to him.

“My name’s Aoife Kelley,” she said. “I’m part of the Magi, which is a subdivision of ABIM. How’re you doing?”

“I’m fine, I suppose. You?”

“Good. Here, let’s sit.” Aoife gestured to the wrought-iron bench. Once JJ sat down, she did as well. “Now, then. To business.” She muttered a few words, and reached forward. Her eyes flared golden yellow, and her hand disappeared, like she’d slid it into a pocket in the air. JJ jumped in alarm, then stared in fascination. He’d never seen a spell like this before. Aoife’s hand pulled back, suddenly holding a blue binder. She flipped it open. “I’m going to just ask you a few questions, see if we have your information right.”

JJ nodded. “Alright.”

“Your name’s Jameson Daniel Jackson. Male. British nationality, Caucasian race. Twenty-seven years old, birthday October 31st, 1990.”

“Yes, that’s all correct.”

“Elemental magic with an ice/water focus, as well as a lesser healing ability. You work as a stage magician?” Aoife raised an eyebrow at that last part.

“Yes.” JJ tried not to squirm. Ironically, he didn’t like being the center of attention. At least, not on such an...individual level. “If you’re going to lecture me about the dangers of using magic on stage, I’ve already heard it from one of you. I’m being cautious.”

Aoife grinned. “Well, alright, if you’re sure.” She looked back at the file. “There’s no history of magic in your family, nor is there a history of mental illness in you or your bloodline.”

That last part was a bit odd. “Yes, that’s right.” JJ coughed awkwardly. “Are...can we get to the purpose of this meeting? I’d planned to meet up with someone else after this.”

“Oh. Yes, right.” Aoife flipped the binder close. “Sorry to keep you.”

“No, it’s fine, it’s not too pressing.” JJ shrugged. “I just...this is a...rather pressing situation I’m in, and I would really appreciate any advice you have on the matter.”

Aoife’s brows scrunched together. “Well, y’see. That’s the problem.”

Jameson felt his heart stop. “What do you mean?”

“This...creature, that you say is following you. That took one of your friends...” Aoife bit her lip. “We...don’t have any records of something like it.”

Jameson could only stare at her. “I’m sorry?”

“We don’t have any records of it.” She opened the binder again, pulling out a piece of paper. Jameson recognized it. It was a printed-out copy of the letter he’d sent to the ABIM online. Because surprisingly enough, the magical organization had an official website. Aoife scanned through the typed words. “It’s something that appears to be human, but with that head injury, it can’t be a living human. And its array of powers...being able to confuse people, sometimes directly control them, and otherwise make it so the mind doesn’t register it as existing...” She tucked the letter back in the binder. “...we don’t have anything like that in our files.”

“Tha—that’s impossible,” Jameson said softly. “You must have something in there. Maybe something buried deep—”

“Yeah, I checked all our records,” Aoife said firmly. “My permissions are pretty high-up, I have access to everything. And I couldn’t find anything like this. Oh sure, there are records of undead that fit the physical description, and some creatures with similar powers, but nothing that fits.” Aoife paused. “I have to ask...are you sure this thing is really out there?”

“Am I sure?” Jameson asked, incredulous. “Am I sure?! He kidnapped one of my friends and poisoned another! Convinced one of them to walk out into moving traffic! My housemate has nightmares about him that wake him up screa—” Jameson took a deep breath, clenching his fists in an effort to calm down. “We’ve all seen it. Of course we’re sure.”

“Alright. Alright.” Aoife raised her hands, as if in surrender. “I believe you. But, well...some of the others don’t.”

“Some of the others?” Jameson repeated, eyes narrowing.

“Yes,” Aoife confirmed. “It’s a big group, and your request for aid got passed around a lot, looking for someone to help. Some of them think you’re making it up, some of them think you’re mistaken...a few of them think you’ve lost your marbles.” Suddenly the question about history of mental illness made more sense. “But the fact of the matter is, we just...we’ve never heard of anything like this before.”

“Why would I make it up?” Jameson asked quietly.

Aoife shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think you are. But not everyone does. If you could show some sort of proof, it would be helpful.”

“Oh, do you want me to take a picture of him, next time I see it?” JJ drawled. “In between the moments of me fighting for my friends’ lives and free wills?”

“I don’t know,” Aoife said quietly. She stood up, tucking the binder under her arm. “Look, I’m sorry, but until there’s some sort of evidence...we really can’t help you.”

Jameson shot to his feet as well. “Then why did you even agree to meet with me in the first place?”

“Well, it would be rude to just dismiss you in an email,” Aoife said calmly. “Impersonal, you know?” Her voice softened a bit. “Look, I want to help, but I can’t as long as we don’t know what this is. We just need something to show that this...what you’re saying it is. And if it is, then...well...” She pauses. “Then we’ve never seen anything like this before. And we’ll need time. And information.” She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a small, rectangular piece of wood. She held it out to JJ, who took it silently. Looking down at it, he saw a phone number burned into the wood surface. “This is my personal cell, call me when you’ve...got something. Okay?” She waited for him to nod, then smiled. “Be seeing you.” And without another word, she left.

Jameson stared down at the wooden card, then tucked it into his pocket. He watched Aoife walk away, until she was out of the park and out of the sight. Then he turned, let out a cry of frustration, and kicked a rock out onto the surface of the pond. Where it landed, ripples turned the water a bright, glowing blue that slowly faded away.

He shook his head, making an effort to breathe slowly and deeply. If they’ve never heard of anything like Distorter before, it made sense that they needed proof. Just to make sure he wasn’t pranking them or anything. But god, was it frustrating. What was he supposed to do?! When and how was he supposed to get evidence that Distorter existed?! The gray man hadn’t been seen in months! Not to mention, part of him wondered how much help the other magicians could really be, if they’ve never seen anything like Distorter before. All that meant...all that meant was that they were dealing with a threat unlike anything before. Jameson shivered.

No, he’d...he’d figure it out. He had to. Maybe he could modify some of the mind protection spells he found, so they could ward a specific place? Maybe work them into some sort of offensive spell? Or he could put a little more effort into the tracking spells, if he just tried a little more he was sure he could find Jackie.

JJ headed out of the park and back towards his car. He’d planned to do the studying after he got all his visits for the day done, but his mind was already brewing. He could adjust the schedule a bit. Time to head to the library.

———————

The clock read 9:34am, a fact which surprised Schneep when he looked at it.

Didn’t it say 12 just a few minutes ago? No, there had been a 3:40 in that interim somewhere. Or was it 6?

You really should go to sleep.

Schneep shook his head. “No, I’m fine. Shut up.”

There was a figure hovering in the corner of his eyes. You’re going to kill yourself before you get anything done.

You weren’t supposed to acknowledge it. Schneep knew this. But it was a little hard to ignore it when it looked like one of your friends. Still, he didn’t answer this time, instead backing up to get a full view of the map he’d taped up on the wall. He used to have this entirely digital, but he’d tried printing in all out on paper, see if that helped. The map was littered with push pins, strings tying together locations to newspaper articles he’d found and taped to the wall. He was aware this looked like a crazy conspiracy board, but it was sort of helping.

The figure hovered closer. It looked close enough to reach out and touch, peering over his shoulder. Is it going to help? You look terrible. Is it really worth it?

“Yes,” Schneep breathed, leaning on the back of the couch. “Yes, if I can find you. It’s worth it.”

There was a knock at the apartment’s door. Schneep jumped, trying to back up but somehow managing to fall over the back of the sofa instead. Who was at the door? Who came to see him? Was it him, the gray man, coming to finish the job?

Another knock. “Dude, I can and I will pick your lock, let me in.”

He knew that voice, he realized, standing up. But was that proof? What if it was someone pretending to be him?

Oh, too late, the handle was rattling. The door opened to reveal Anti, who entered and closed the door behind him. He looked around the apartment, whistling. “This place is bigger mess than the room of a nine-year-old who refuses to clean. What’s up, Volt?” He paused. “You look terrible.”

I told you.

“Thank you,” Schneep muttered. “What are you doing here?”

“Um, I just...” Anti looked around the area again. “I was in the neighborhood. Why do you have a serial killer board up on your wall?”

“Shut up,” Schneep snapped. He put his hands on his hips and looked over the wall. “I am trying to figure things out. It is a new approach.”

“Uh-huh.” Anti’s eyes darted over the wall. “Figure what kind of things out?”

“You know what I mean! Anything, everything!” Schneep began pacing the length of his living area. On the edges of his vision, there was a shadow of a red hoodie, of big round glasses and brown hair. Is it worth it? Is it going to work? “It will work,” Schneep insisted. “I-I can find you.”

“Um...” Anti glanced around the apartment. “Who’re you talking to?”

Shit, no. Anti couldn’t know. Not now. Schneep really didn’t feel like being analyzed by Mr. Psychology-Is-My-Hobby. He whirled around, pointing at the wall. “I am keeping track of everything, everything odd in the last few years. Is very strange, you see? There are a high number of disappearances, and of accidents in the city. More so than in other cities.” He felt his eye twitching, a tiny pulse in his lid. He ignored it. “It is no wonder the police have been no help in finding him, they are useless at this!”

“Really?” Anti looked over the newspaper articles, taking in all the headlines. “You think maybe it’s...you know, all been him?”

“Possibly, possibly.”

This isn’t going to work. The shadow was whispering in his ear. You’re slowly dying over this, and it’s not worth it. Can you really find me? You haven’t had success so far.

Schneep waved in the direction of the shadow, as if trying to clear it. “Shut up.”

“I wasn’t saying anything,” Anti said, looking at him skeptically. “You...did you go to sleep last night?”

Apparently not. Or maybe the clocks were lying to him. Schneep almost sat down on the sofa, but he knew if he did that, he wouldn’t want to stand up and keep working. And that was the most important thing. Keep working. He had to succeed eventually. “Anti,” he said. “Can you do something?”

“Uh, depends on what it is.”

“Where have you been?” Schneep asked. “I have not seen you in, mmm, a couple of months now. Not outside of text.”

Anti shifted uncomfortably, rubbing his neck. “Well. Y’know. Been busy. Is...is that what you wanted me to do? Answer the question?”

What question? Wait, what? What was happening? Schneep shook his head. “No. I am sorry, I got distracted. I wanted to know if you could...I do not know, do something to keep me thinking.”

Anti took a step back. “Um, what?”

“Like one of those stories you like,” Schneep said. “Those spooky ones you tell. Tell one of those, I want to think about something else for a while.” The shadow stood beside him. “But I do not want to think of nothing.”

“Uh. Sure, I guess.” Anti flung himself down on the nearest armchair. “I can think of one you haven’t heard yet. You gonna sit down?”

“No.”

“Well, uh. Alright, then.” Anti bit his lip, thinking. “I could tell you the story about the house on Aspen Street.”

Schneep blinked. “I think you have mentioned that before. But I do not remember it.”

“Yeah, I think I’ve talked about it.” Anti flashed a grin. “But I always got stopped from talking about it, by Jackson and Jac—” He cut himself off. “Well, I can do it now.”

“Why would they stop you from talking about it?”

“I guess it could be kind of freaky. I mean, it starts with a true story.” Anti sat up straight. “Five years ago, we all turned on the evening news to a shocking story. A family of four had been found dead. Tragic enough in itself, but things start to become even bleaker once you heard the rest.”

Schneep sat down on the sofa. He gestured for Anti to continue.

Anti’s eyes lit up. “The house was 68 Aspen Street. For years, it had been home to a mother, a father, a son, and a daughter. It had been a happy place, a haven. But things started to crack and fall apart. The parents began arguing. About what, we don’t know. Maybe it was money, or bad habits, or the kids, or anything else that could drive two people apart. But drive them apart it did. And eventually the mother couldn’t handle it anymore. She took the kids and left, filing for divorce. It went through, of course, and the father was left alone in the house that had once been full of loved ones.”

“Now, the details of what happened next are hard to fudge out. We know that the kids visited their father on the weekends, and that they were the only people he saw regularly. The father was fired from his job, and had no luck finding anything new. The neighbors stopped seeing him, as he stayed in the house almost every day. He became a recluse who only really lived for his family. A family that was seeing him less and less.”

“One spring day, the kids and their mother disappeared. The police investigated the father, of course, but they found no evidence that he was involved in any way. Until a week later. A neighbor called the authorities, saying she heard gunshots. Four of them, to be precise. Three close together, and one a little bit after. It came from the house on Aspen Street. When the police arrived, they found the whole family. Dead. The father was still holding a handgun.”

Anti paused. “And from there? Well, stories like that tend to linger. Sad spirits refuse to leave. They say the house on Aspen Street is haunted by the family. People who live there tend to get in accidents. And those who get out before the accidents kill them, they always report hearing voices, having things move when they aren’t there...and seeing the figures of the family. Watching. Waiting.”

The apartment was silent. Then Schneep suddenly took a deep breath. “That is a...that is a very sad story,” he whispered.

“Yeah. It is.” Anti said nothing else. The events spoke for themselves.

“You are very good at scaring people, Anti, your voice can be quite...eerie,” Schneep said.

“Thanks.” Anti grinned. “Now. You should go to sleep.”

“Maybe I will. But not if you are here.” Schneep stood up, and pointed at the door. “So, out.”

“Okay, fine.” Anti started to leave, but paused just before reaching the door. He turned around. “Are...are you doing...?” He seemed to have trouble asking the question he really wanted to.

“I am fine,” Schneep insisted.

“You’re going to go to sleep now, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re...you feel...you’re...?”

“Yes, I am fine. Now leave.”

Anti seemed to hesitate, but he opened the door and left, closing it behind him.

Once he was gone, Schneep sighed. He turned to look back at the wall. Something about that story...something was niggling at his mind. He walked up to the map, grabbed a spare push pin, and pushed it into the paper, right at 68 Aspen Street.

You really think this’ll help? It won’t.

“Shut up,” Schneep muttered. “You are not here now, Jackie. You are somewhere else. And I will find you, and bring you back. I...” He leaned his head against the wall. “I promise.”

———————

JJ lost track of time in the library. He meant to only stay there until twelve, but when he next checked the time on his phone, it was 1:30. He immediately cleaned up, reshelving the books. He had to be sure to do it himself. After all, these weren’t normal books. They were spell books, hidden in part of the library’s reference section for any magician to use if they wished. Well, as long as the magician was registered with the ABIM, since they were the people who allowed someone to see through the concealing ward around the books.

He was...tired. He’d spent about of of his time practicing the spells he read about, hidden in a nook on the second floor of the library. And four and a half hours of consistent magic use was...draining. But it didn’t matter. He had more to do.

A short drive later, JJ parked in the driveway of a familiar house. He grabbed the tupperware container he’d had sitting in the car since he left that morning, climbed out, walked up to the threshold, and rang the doorbell. A short while later, the door was opened...by seemingly nobody. JJ looked down. “Oh. Hello, Michelle.”

“Hi Uncle JJ,” Michelle said. “Are you looking for Dad? He’s not here.”

“No, I-I know.” JJ tried to smile. It came out smaller than he intended. Of course Jackie wasn’t here. “I’m looking for your ren.”

“Oh. Okay.” Michelle darted back into the room, leaving the door open. “Ren! Uncle JJ is here! He wants to see you!”

JJ walked inside. The living room looked the same as ever. Except for the coat rack by the door. The white coat hanging from one of its hooks had a bit more dust.

Rama appeared from down the hallway. “Thanks for getting the door, Michelle,” they said, ruffling their daughter’s hair. Then they looked up at JJ. “Good to see you again, Jameson.”

“Good to see you too,” Jameson nodded. He showed off the tupperware container he was holding. “I made cake. Thought you’d want some.”

“Oh. Thanks.”  Rama brushed a strand of their hair behind their ear. They hadn’t been wearing the red beanie they used to lately. “C’mon, let’s go in the kitchen.”

Jameson nodded. He shut the door behind him and followed Rama to the house’s kitchen. He set the container on the counter while Rama pulled open the silverware drawer and took out a couple forks. “Here,” they handed one to JJ.

“Oh, no, I mean thank you, but I-I already have some at home,” Jameson stammered. “This is for you.”

Rama nodded, putting one of the forks back. They peeled the lid off the tupperware and took out one of the slices inside, putting it on a plate already sitting on the counter. “So. Is this the part of the visit where you ask me how we’re doing?”

Jameson paused. “It can be.”

“Well...I guess we’re as okay as possible.” Rama plunged the fork into the cake slice. “Nothing much has changed since you last visited. Which I appreciate, by the way, you checking in.”

“It’s no problem.” Jameson smiled sadly.

Rama chuckled. There were dark bags under their dark eyes. “Does Michelle still say the same thing when she opens the door?”

“Yes,” Jameson said softly. ‘Are you looking for Dad? He’s not here.’ “How is she?”

“I don’t know.” Rama shook their head. “I’m worried about her, you know. The effect this could have on her, especially if...” They stop. They’d been toying with a part of the cake slice, and they finally put it in their mouth. They swallowed visibly. “The police aren’t giving us updates anymore. The last time they showed up, the detective lady said that, statistically, the longer someone is missing, the more likely it is that they’re...” They trailed off. Then they shook their head, a determined set to their face. “Jackieboy is a fighter. He’s always been tougher than people give him credit for, including himself.”

“He really is.” Jameson nodded in agreement. “People often mistake kindness for weakness. But he’s not weak at all.”

Rama looked...reassured by that. They looked down at their cake slice. “Did you know...that his birthday was last week?”

Jameson was silent for a moment. “..yes,” he whispered. July 10th.

Rama nodded, as if that’s all they wanted. “Well, thank you for the cake.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m sure you have much else to do today.”

He did, but that didn’t matter. “I can stay longer, if you want.”

“No, no, you go ahead,” Rama waved. “This has been nice, and...and thank you.”

“Alright, if you’re sure.” Jameson headed for the door. “Anything else you need?”

Rama smiled. “No. That’s enough.”

Jameson nodded, and without anything else, he left.

Once outside, he leaned back against the closed door and let out a long, long breath. It felt like there was something pressing down on his spine, making his head want to dip forward. Or maybe it was on his head itself. Or somewhere inside it. But he couldn’t let it happen. He had more to do. It was 1:52, he only had three and a half hours left before rehearsal. Plenty of time for his last visit, but maybe once that was done he could squeeze in another bout of studying. Maybe he could find some sort of spell that would lighten someone’s mood, if only for a little. Or a potion, that would be better. He could learn how potions work, if it could help them. He could do it. He could do it.

Jameson bit back a yawn as he got back in the car. It wouldn’t be too far a drive.

Fifteen minutes later, JJ was knocking on the door to Schneep’s apartment. There was no answer. He waited for another minute, then knocked again. He heard something fall over. “Um...Henrik? Are you doing okay in there?”

The door opened. Schneep was standing in the doorway, his hair wild, his shirt rumpled and with some sort of spill staining the blue material. He was wearing one of his electrical gloves, the ones that would shock someone upon contact, and judging by the wide-eyed look on his face, he was prepared to use it. But he relaxed a bit upon seeing Jameson. “Oh. Is you.”

“Yes, it’s me.” JJ tried to peer around Schneep into the apartment. “Can I come in?”

Schneep muttered something, but stood aside, letting Jameson enter.

JJ paused, taking in the map and pins on the wall. “That’s...new,” he said slowly.

“I am trying a new approach to finding things,” Schneep explained. “What are you doing here?”

Jameson spun to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“What are you doing here? Why are you here? What is your point?” Schneep pressed. “I am having many visitors today, first Anti, then you. What is it? Are you two having a plan?”

“Whoa, hang on, slow down.” JJ raised his hands. “I just wanted to check on you. I haven’t seen you in...in a while, now. I wanted to see how you were doing.”

“Well. I am doing fine, so you can go now.” Schneep turned his back to Jameson, walking up to the map. “Shut it.”

“I...I don’t think I said anything?” Jameson said, confused.

Schneep shook his head. “I know. Anyway, you can go now.”

Jameson stayed where he was. “Henrik...” His voice was soft. “Did you sleep...at all, recently?”

“What is with you people asking me that?!” Schneep suddenly yelled, pounding his fist against the wall. “I am fine!”

“That wasn’t my question.” Jameson approached Schneep, stopping within arm’s length. “You...you don’t look good.”

Schneep blinked idly. Dark circles, pale skin, a bit thin...it wasn’t a pretty picture. “Wie spät ist es?” He asked.

“I...I don’t know what you just said,” JJ confessed. “What is spät?”

“What time is it?” Schneep clarified.

Jameson looked at the wall-mounted clock. “It’s ten past two.”

Schneep’s eyes widened briefly, but then he covered it up. “I see.”

“Did you wake up early?” Jameson pressed. “Or...did you not go to sleep at all?”

“You also look like you did not sleep well, what does it matter?” Schneep’s eyes flicked to the side for a moment. “Nein.”

“We’re not talking about me right now, that doesn’t matter,” Jameson said dismissively. “Schneep, are you okay?”

His eyes flicked to the side again. “I am fine, you do not need to keep asking. Perhaps I am tired, but that is all. I have been drinking coffee, it is fine.”

“Of course you have,” Jameson muttered under his breath. “Henrik, you should really go to sleep. Take a nap.”

“I can’t.” Schneep looked at the map. “I am working on things.”

“They’ll still be here when you wake up.”

“You do not know that.”

That was...an odd reaction. “Of course I do.” JJ tried for a laugh. “Things don’t just disappear.”

Schneep didn’t answer, his eyes scanning the map while occasionally flickering to the side, as if he was seeing something move in his peripheral vision.

Jameson stepped forward and placed his hand on Schneep’s shoulder. “Henrik—”

Schneep suddenly screamed. He grabbed Jameson by the wrist, still wearing his electric glove. The shock it sent through Jameson’s body was enough to stun him, so he couldn’t react when Schneep then flipped him over. He landed on the ground with an oof-inducing thump, his head solidly hitting the back of the sofa. He slumped, dazed.

“Mein Gott, Jameson, I-I am sorry!” Schneep was still standing, hand covering his mouth. He pulled off the electric glove and threw it over to the desk, where it landed. “I-I did not mean—! I thought—Jackie—”

“Jackie...?” Jameson sat up, rubbing the back of his head. “What about Jackie?”

“I-I-I—” Schneep was shaking. “I thought he touched me! I thought it was mehr als ein Schatten! I—!”

“Henrik.” Jameson climbed to his feet, using the sofa as support. “Jackie’s not here.”

And Schneep suddenly started crying. “I know that! I know he is not here, but he is! A-and I do not want—! I do not want to stop seeing him!”

Jameson shook his head, bewildered. “Henrik, what are you talking about?”

Schneep buried his face in his hands. “I have been forgetting medication recently, it is making everything confusing!”

“You’re on medication? Hey, it’s okay.” Schneep had fallen to the floor, landing hard on his knees. Jameson knelt beside him. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll help. What’s wrong?”

Schneep grabbed Jameson’s arm. “I did not tell you,” he gasped in between tears. “I d-do not tell anyone. I told Marvin one time, I-I thought he would understand. I do not want anyone to thi-think the worst of me. I would never hurt anyone! Th-these things I see are not dangerous! He knows, the Distorter knows, he pokes fun at me, likes to make his illusions because he knows reality is alrea—sometimes I cannot tell—!”

“Hey, calm down, take deep breaths. I’ll do it with you. In for four...hold for seven...out for eight...in...hold...out...in...hold...out...” It took a few minutes for Schneep to get calm. Once he was fine, Jameson asked, “So...you take some kind of medication?”

Schneep nodded.

“And without it, you see things?”

Another nod.

“And you’ve been forgetting it, so you’re seeing Jackie?”

And another.

“Alright. I understand now.” Jameson nodded. “Henrik...there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I know,” Schneep whispered. “But I am worried others do not know that. That they will think I am...” He trailed off.

“Well, I think you’re a good person. You’re smart, and stubborn, and sarcastic, and...other adjectives that begin with S.” Jameson smiled when that got a laugh out of Schneep. “And this doesn’t change any of that.”

Tears started to gather in Schneep’s eyes again. He buried his face in Jameson’s shirt. 

“See? It’s okay. It’s all okay.” For a moment they were silent. Then Jameson said, “I think you should go to bed now. But not before taking that medication you’ve been missing.”

Schneep nodded. “Stay with me, a while?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll stay with you.”

He had time to.

——————— 

Jameson arrived at the theatre for rehearsal. He had not been expecting to spend an extra two hours at Schneep’s apartment, but he wasn’t about to leave while his friend was upset. Even if that friend had fallen asleep within fifteen minutes and hadn’t shown any signs of waking up in all the two hours he was there.

Jameson paused before entering the theatre, leaning against the wall. A few deep breaths. He was tired. God, he was tired. The weight was pressing down, not on his spine or his head, but directly on his mind. But he had to go to rehearsal. Everyone was expecting him. He couldn’t skip one. He couldn’t let down all the crew members that needed to run through everything. And if they missed one, that could delay the show and disappoint the audience. He couldn’t do that. He had to show up. Run through the show. It was only another three hours. He could do it.

It was not encouraging when his stage manager Darla greeted him with a “Where have you been?! You’re ten minutes late!”

“Things came up,” Jameson said. “Now are we ready to start?”

“Yeah, of course.” Darla nodded. “You left your cape and mask here last time, we brought them out, check with Ryan.”

“Got it.” He...hadn’t actually realized he’d left his mask and cape at the theatre. Well it was a good thing the others had found it, and he hadn’t had to drive back home, look for it, not find it, only to drive back and find his stuff already here. He would hate to waste everyone’s time.

Things went smoothly for the first hour. But it was when they all reconvened after a ten-minute break that things started to turn for the worse. For whatever reason, the lights wouldn’t work, and the techies took twenty minutes to figure out the problem. Just when they thought it was fixed, the main spotlight flickered and died. “It’s fine, we’ll just run it without that one,” Jameson said, sighing. He blinked, lingering in the darkness for a while, before opening them and returning to the busy world.

Then he was having trouble remembering his planned lines. True, being a magician didn’t involve nearly as much memorization as being a stage actor, but it was still more than most people thought. Not to mention, it often involved more timing, as you had to get the line to match up perfectly with the trick or it loses all dramatic effect.

Oh yes, the tricks. Jameson’s tricks were a clever combination of real magic and stage magic, a fine balance between the two. Of course, the crew didn’t know about the real magic. They just thought it was some wonderful light tricks and digital effects. So when they magic came out strained, because Jameson had spent three hours trying out new spells earlier that day and was a little lower on energy, that meant the rehearsal was delayed for an entire half hour while the crew tried to fix technical devices that didn’t actually work. Guilt was curdling in Jameson’s stomach. He was making everyone stay late.

And indeed, the time was 8:23 pm and it didn’t look like the rehearsal was anywhere close to being finished. Jameson squeezed his eyes shut, feeling tears start to well. No, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. Sure, he was tired and his head felt heavy with the events of the day. It didn’t matter. These things weren’t important. What was important was everyone else’s thoughts and feelings. Not his.

“Alright, one more time!” Darla called out. “Start from the levitation trick!”

That trick was...well, tricky. Levitation magic didn’t come naturally to him. Jameson took a deep breath, adjusted his mask, and shouted, “Ready!”

The objects he was levitating—just wooden cubes for now, probably to be replaced with something else in the actual show—were placed on the tables around the stage. Jameson blinked sweat out of his eyes, trying to focus. He chanted the words under his breath, feeling the strain of magic. Like trying to stretch a barely-used muscle after you’d already been working out for half an hour. Focus. Concentrate. Watch the blue magic float around the target, watch them wobble, then lift, slowly, trembling in the air—

“It snapped!”

“Backdrop’s coming down!”

“Watch out!”

The shouts snapped him out of concentration, sending the cubes crashing to the ground. Jameson whirled around to see the painted backdrop crashing down as well, landing just a few feet from him. He stared at it where it landed. The shouts of the crew members faded into buzzing background noise.

He could fix this.

He could fix it, he could help.

It was alright.

It was fine, he could help.

He could—

He felt his heart burning cold.

Tears slipped from his eyes, from under his mask, only to freeze the moment they left his face, shattering on the floor.

The buzzing background noise was growing louder, louder, it was a storm inside his head, thoughts whirling in a whiteout of feelings he couldn’t name, he was tired, he was so so tired, tired of this, tired of everything—

A blizzard exploded on the stage.

Wind howled, blue chips of cold magic swirling around him in a storm, a storm, a storm. Beneath his feet the wood of the stage groaned as the temperature dropped, glowing icicles of freezing magic jabbing from the ground. He’d fallen to his hands and knees. All he could see was blue and white and blue and white and blue and white—

Someone was shouting. He was vaguely aware of the sound through the screaming gales in his mind. The magic storm swirled taller, reaching the lights above and freezing their bulbs until they burst.

Someone was in front of him. He could see their shape in the fog of the magic flakes. They grabbed him by the arms, started shaking. He didn’t respond. Just stared. Tears were still slipping down, freezing his mask to his face.

Slowly, a voice started to pierce the winds. “—Jems! You can’ keep t’is up, you’ll hurt someone! Yourself, too! Jems! Look at me!”

Jameson’s eyes focused on the someone in front of him. A familiar face. Marvin. “Are you alrigh’, Jems?” he asked.

And Jameson shook his head.

“What’s wrong? Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

He shook his head again. How was he supposed to say so much? How was he supposed to explain about how he was being crushed? Crushed first by Jackie going missing, by Distorter being out there and ready to fuck with them at any time, and the other magicians wouldn’t or couldn’t help, so he had to do it on his own, he had to make sure his friends were safe from this creature, he had to learn some way to keep him at bay, and he had to be there for everyone else, had to listen to all their problems, had to make breakfast in the morning after Marvin had another nightmare, had to bring food and anything that could help to Rama and Michelle who’d just lost a husband and a father who might not come back, had to figure out what was wrong with Anti, had to check on Schneep because he was in danger of working himself to death while being attacked by his own mind, he had to do all this and it was crushing him, it was killing him, he couldn’t handle everyone’s problems as well as his own, couldn’t hold their grief and his too, but it didn’t matter didn’t matter shouldn’t matter should it matter? couldn’t matter in the face of all—

Oh. Oh, Marvin was hugging him. He was shivering, in the face of this cold storm coming from Jameson, but he was still hugging him. There was frost forming on his jacket, but he wasn’t leaving.

Jameson leaned his head on Marvin’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around his friend. His shoulders started to shake. But the storm died down, ice covering the stage melted into nothing. Things were warm again.

“We’re goin' to go home,” Marvin said in a voice that left no room for argument. “We’re goin' to go home. And we’ll relax tonight, and tomorrow, too.”

Jameson started to shake his head. He couldn’t let Marvin worry about him—

“Yes, we are.” Marvin stood up, still holding Jameson close. “You do a lot for others, Jems. Let someone else do somet’ing for you.”

That...that sounded really nice. Jameson grabbed the fabric of Marvin’s jacket, clinging to it. He nodded.

“Alrigh’. Let’s go. C’mon, one step at a time.”

One step at a time.

They took the bus back, since Marvin wouldn’t let JJ drive. Once home, Marvin tried to cook. He did better than expected. They turned on the television in the living room, with Marvin in his usual chair and JJ lying on the sofa, underneath a blanket. The cat took the opportunity to fall asleep on him. And eventually, JJ found he was drifting off as well.

Maybe...maybe it did matter.

Maybe he should let it matter.

JJ fell asleep, feeling warmer now knowing that there would be others still there when he woke up.

[sepiadice]

DiceJar 0 END: what could have been...

Being completed ghosted for a scheduled session once again, I suppose I should finally face the facts and call the campaign. Which is, of course, very disappointing.

-

Let’s review the experiments I attempted in this campaign.

Experiment 1: Using a published module/adventure.[1]

I thought I might gain some valuable insight by analyzing a ‘professional’ product. By using an adventure I’d previously played myself, I’d hoped my experiences would smooth out my figuring out how to run it. Eventually, I learned the value of bullet pointed action plans, because the formatting of Crypt of the Everflame was not good for skimming, as vital information was hidden in the middle of information texts so I’d miss it during the game if I didn’t make sure to call, say, dice roll mechanics for going down a slippery hillside. It also meant I could look ahead and edit out rooms and mechanics that didn’t move the story of dungeon.

So, this experiment was technically a success, even if the lesson I took away was ‘modules don’t work well with my improv style, but provides inspiration sometimes.’ More on that later.

Experiment 2: Get a group to meet regularly.

So I’ve been wanting to do an actual play show since… well, before Critical Role and The Adventure Zone made it cool. For that, I need players willing to collaborate and also respect call time. As you can easily conclude from the time stamps, I couldn’t manage that, even when a freaking pandemic swept in and made being home for online sessions theoretically easier![2] Admittedly, my work schedule is not exactly ideal, as my Saturdays are permanently called for, and my Sundays are a wild ride of inconsistency, while my peers are moving to more conventional work life.

So, the experiment failed, and to a degree that I doubt a career or just schedule change would help. I did learn that a biweekly schedule works well for me, since I can spend the off week on planning, and still have time for my pre- and post-performance need to separate thoroughly and enter a neutral state.[3]

Experiment 3: Finish a dang narrative arc.

Ha ha. This also failed! Couldn’t get to the end of the dungeon. Welp.

Other lessons learned

I don’t online play well! Just get distracted by other internet tabs. It’s not as bad when I GM, since the stress of running the game keeps me more focused, but both the Curse of Strahd campaign I quietly quit[4] and IndigoDie’s Troika session[5] showed that I’m a garbage player online. Possibly an adoption of webcams and faces would assist, but I can’t ask for that.

People still hard! Still haven’t figured out how to get anyone invested. Can’t really be upset at the silent cancellations because I’m technically doing that with Curse of Strahd, and thus would be a hypocrite.

-

What was planned!

It’s only fair I give some amount of closure.

Session three ended with Bean dying, and there wasn’t a narratively consistent way to introduce a new party member…

Well, I guess if NavyDie consented to playing a bandit, or rewriting the scared dungeon prepper the party skipped…

What I decided was thus:

Bean's eyes open. The sharp pain of the punctures and tears, and the slow ache of liquid passing through those openings are gone, as is much of the world's color. The torches and other sources of light shine blue.

His companions are gathered around him, their mouths moving as if speaking, but Bean hears nothing.

For some reason, Bean feels at peace with this. This is correct.

Footsteps echo from the stairs, growing louder. A figure emerges from the floor below. When it enters the light, at first it is blurry, like many images projected upon the same space. Within the time that Bean's now still heart would have beat, the many silhouettes fade, leaving one form: Bean's father, though not the frail man Bean saw before he left Kassen, nor how bean's father looked before he was ravaged by illness, but the impossibly tall, strong, noble figure that Bean remembers his father being.

Though this man's smile has none of the warmth, and his eyes glow with an eldritch light.

"Seems you've come to some misfortune, Bernard Dipp," says this Mr. Dipp-who-is-not-Bean's-father. "Would you like some help with that?"

This mysterious fiend would become Bean’s patron for a level of Warlock, and ride around his head for the foreseeable future, threatening death if Bean didn’t do as ordered. You know, an excuse for Bean to continue adventuring instead of taking over the family farm.

As for where this fiend came from… well, I easily adapted that into the dungeon’s lore.

Kassen, whose visage is all over the crypt, is not the only one entombed within. There are also those who perished alongside him during his final battle, as well as those who perished facing him in the final battle. This includes Asar, who once adventured with Kassen until the two became bitter enemies or whatever, ending when Asar lead the charge against Kassen.

Anyways, an amount of time ago, bandits stumbled upon Kassen’s Crypt and started looting, and disturbed the coffins, looting a pair of medallions.

Here’s my adjustment: the medallions are now artifacts sealing away a fiend, and reuniting them freed him, whose presence radiated enough necromantic energies and roused Asar, who was deeply offended to be interred in a shrine to his enemy. Stupid, egotistical Kassen. Let’s channel this necromantic magic laying away and get some skeletal minions and kill those who bother me.

Which wasn’t great for the bandits, then later the advance party from Kassen, sent to make the trial safe for the youths. Blood was spilled. It wasn’t great.

Then our heroes arrived, and (hypothetically) resolved matters. Kassen’s ghost would then appear, thank the party, probably convey embarrassment at how the place is decorated, and grant boons to the party[6] before sending them on their way with a lit lantern.

Back in town, a grand celebration would turn somber as word of what happened in the tomb occurred, by it would be mixed and a feast would still be held.

The module ends with someone inviting the party to join the Pathfinder Society, but I’d cut that.

As for the fiend? Well, he’s transferred his tether from the amulets to Bean, so now he can ride the boy to wherever.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything particularly exciting planned for the others, as Bean was the only one who I got the opportunity to saddle with a commitment.

IndigoDie quit anyways.

Delilah I could motivate with eagerness to be free of her parents.

Yot… is a mercenary, so maybe Delilah could’ve paid him.

I could’ve figured something out if the players insisted on continuing with their characters. That would’ve been a discussion for after the module was completed.[7]

-

Moving forward!

So DiceJar waits evermore. I don’t want to admit that it’s an implausible goal, but I’m not in a great headspace about it. I still crave role-playing, but I think I’ll wait for someone to start their own campaign, or I guess see if I get a turn-over of my friend group.

NavyDie mentioned wanting to try a Powered by the Apocalypse system, and it’s only fair I actually try the mechanics before completely writing the rule set off.[8]

The next experiments I want to run when I return to behind the GM screen relates to system: Savage Worlds (once the most recent edition is back in print) as I search for a generic system that fits my needs, and Ryuutama, because Ryuutama just looks fun.

But… I don’t know what to do from here.

Until next time, may your dice (and whatever dice governs me) make things interesting.

-

[1] The correct terminology isa matter of pointless debate. [2] Charisma and Constitution are obviously my dumb stats. [3] Not sure my meaning is conveyed correctly. I’ll probably nail it down in a future write-up. [4] The group was too large, and after IndigoDie quit there were insufficient participants I knew and was comfortable performing with. [5] Which didn’t get a write-up because I didn’t have anything of substance to say. [6] Which, in the original Pathfinder, was something the each player can evoke for a temporary stat bonus, but in 5e I was going to change to a free Inspiration recharge. [7] Though I would not send them to Last Wall. It would’ve been time for me to spin off to my own stuff, and Last Wall… is not something that needs to be repeated. [8] I’ve never heard an Actual Play where Powered by the Apocalypse wasn’t either a hindrance or irrelevant.

[she-is-tim]

I love hating you | Elu enemies to lovers AU | Ch.10

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 6.5, 7, 8, 9

Lucas is an angry, closeted and frustrated gay teenager, while Eliott is the handsome, smart and popular guy in school. They hate each other… but not forever.

It’s not your fault, it’s mine

Lucas started to get sick of all the teasing he got after that terrible party. Yes, he got totally wasted and yes, he totally embarrassed himself, but at least he remembered basically nothing of it. He didn’t needed others to tell him or remind him of what stupid stuff he had done that night. Thank god Eliott was avoiding the topic most of the time. First Lucas got worried that he crossed a boundary he shouldn’t have that night, but his boyfriend seemed to act normal with him. He was soft, touchy and flirty. 

They were a couple for almost two weeks now, things seemed to go really well for them. Sometimes they were together for a whole day, kissing and cuddling in bed, sometimes they were out in the park with the boys. It was wonderful, something Lucas had never experienced before. Sadly during the first week of spring break, Lucille decided to come back, she wanted to spend more time with her brother, which was understandable since Eliott had a bad depression not long ago. Still now they had no place to go for privacy, since Lucas only had a pull-out couch in the flatshare and Lucille stayed at Eliott’s place of course. 

It was a nice and sunny tuesday afternoon in the park. Lucille just arrived this morning, so the boys haven’t seen each other all day, they had to catch up on the missed out time. They weren’t alone though, both the boys and girls were there, chilling on blankets, listening to music and eating the sandwiches Manon made for everyone. Lucas and Eliott was a bit further, leaning to a tree, the short boy sitting between his boyfriend’s legs, back resting on his warm chest. His fingers were tracing on the veins that were showing through Eliott’s arms that were wrapped around him. It was a nice and pure moment. 

Lucas rolled his eyes when he saw what Yann posted. He was so busy studying his boyfriend’s beautiful hands, that he didn’t notice him taking a picture of them. Eliott on the other hand was really happy and already asked Yann to send him the picture in private.

“What do you want with it?” Lucas asked, slightly looking up at the tall boy, still laying in his arms.

“I wanna save these pictures for the future, maybe even print them at some point.” he answered with a happy smile. “Imagine a whole wall full of photos of us.” 

“A whole fucking wall?” Lucas raised his eyebrows. 

“Of course.” Eliott smirked and kissed his forehead. “Wouldn’t you like that?”

“A few framed pictures on the piano and the wall is more than enough for me.” he chuckled and pressed his lips on Eliott’s hand softly. “I like your drawings on the wall more.” 

“You are way too perfect for me.” Eliott mumbled, burying his face into Lucas’ fluffy hair, sniffing it a little. “You really like my drawings?” 

“If I had a room, I’d put your drawings all over the walls.” he said honestly, rubbing Eliott’s hand with his thumb. “They are amazing.”

“You are amazing.” he chuckled, squeezing him softly. “You wanna do something this weekend?” he asked after a few moments of silence.

“Of course, but no parties.” he frowned which made his boyfriend giggle. 

“We can both agree on that we won’t go to parties in the near future.” he said softly, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek. “I was thinking of something chill.”

“Like what? We can’t hang out at your place and everyone will be home at the flatshare too.” he said a bit worried. It was so annoying that they had no privacy during the spring break. 

“I’ll figure it out.” he promised and gave a soft kiss on the boy’s hair. “I wanna spoil your sweet butt.” he added that made Lucas laugh.

“I accept that, anytime.” 

Lucas first met Lucille at a coffee shop, on Thursday noon. He was really nervous since Eliott told him through text that his sister wanted to meet him. He barely could sleep and spent the whole morning going through his clothes and trying to decide which would fit best to meet your boyfriend’s sister. He basically drove Mika crazy yet once again, until Manon, god bless her soul, interrupted them and told Lucas to wear his grey long sleeve shirt with black jeans and his navy blue hoodie. The boy kissed her on the cheek before he put on those clothings and left. 

Eliott gave him a place and time to meet, but he haven’t texted since then. He actually really missed his boyfriend, even if they spent most days together, it was a real torture to be apart. But he was also really nervous, trying not to bite his nails off while waiting in front of the coffee shop. It was a nice and cozy place, he had been here only once, when he had a morning date with Eliott before classes last week. 

He had been there for only like ten minutes or so, when he saw them crossing the street. Even if he stopped walking around, his feet kept bumping on the ground and his hands were shaking, so he hid it behind his back. Both of them were tall, their hair had the same color and their face was wildly similar to one another. The most obvious difference was that the girl walked like a model, head held up, back straight, flawless moves with confidence, while Eliott had his hands shoved into the pockets of his pants, back hunched slightly, movements a little clumsy. Lucas still felt like his boyfriend was the most perfect and gorgeous human being on the earth. 

 “Hey, you look great.” Eliott said with a happy smile when they were close enough to Lucas, kissing him on the cheek, not on the lips. Noted. 

Hey, thanks.” he said softly and looked at Lucille now. She had a smile plastered to her face, but her eyes were screaming murder. The boy swallowed and held his hand out, hoping that it won’t be sweaty. “Hey, I’m Lucas, nice to meet you.”

“Lucille Demaury.” she said on a calm tone and grabbed his hand, shaking it just for a few seconds and pulling back. Eliott seemed to be happy.

“Okay, let’s go inside.” he said, grabbing both of their hands and walking into the coffee shop. They sat down into a nice booth, the siblings on one side and Lucas on the other side. He was really nervous that he couldn’t hold Eliott’s hand under the table at least, but this was an important part for their relationship to keep going. 

Eliott decided to get themselves coffee and some bakery, so he got up and walked away, leaving his boyfriend alone with his very angry looking sister. They were sitting in awkward silence for probably a whole minute, before Lucille decided to speak finally. 

“Listen, I don’t know how much Eliott told you about himself, but I won’t let anyone ever hurt him again.” she said seriously and Lucas had to swallow his nervousness to defend himself and his feelings for Eliott.

“He told me a lot of things, because he trusts me.” the boy started to speak with shocking confidence. “I know about his illness, I know about Sophie... He trusts me because he knows I trust him too.” he said seriously, looking into the girls eyes. Lucille accepted his challenge, staring right into his soul.

“Don’t be so cocky just because he shared some stories with you.” she said bitterly. “He is much more complex than that.”

“And I don’t care.” Lucas said a bit louder than he should be, so he took a deep breath. Lucille closed her mouth, deciding not to say anything to this and crossed her arms in anticipation. “Eliott is the person I care for the most, i told him things I never told anyone, I have feelings for him that I never ever experienced in my life and not you or anyone else can take this away from me now. If I have to fight for him, then so be it.” he said, determined look on his face. He could saw the ghost of a smile on the girl’s face before Eliott came back with two espressos and one latte for Lucas, also carrying croissants and some cinnamon rolls. 

“Sorry it took so long, but there was a few people in front of me.” he said and hopped down next to his sister with a bright smile on his face.

“Don’t worry, we had a nice conversation here with Lucas.” Lucille said, surprising the boy with an actual smile. “Right?”

“Y-yeah.” Lucas nodded quickly, adding sugar to his latte and sipping it slowly. 

“What were you talking about?” Eliott asked excitedly, he was happy that his sister was acting normal.

“Nothing special just yet. I was about to ask Lucas if he has any hobbies.” Lucille said on a soft tone and the short boy couldn’t decide it if it was real or fake. 

“Not much, actually.” Lucas shrugged. “I play piano, but other than that I have no special talents, like Eliott.” he said, flashing a soft smile at his boyfriend.

“Piano? Really?” Lucille raised her perfectly curving eyebrows.

“He is really good.” Eliott said proudly. “He even played some on the piano in my apartment.” 

“I needed to fix it a little, but otherwise he’s got a very nice instrument.” Lucas said honestly. “It’s a pleasure to play for him.”

“And he is an S student.” Eliott added with a wide smile, which made Lucas just a little bit embarrassed.

“It’s not a big deal, I’m better with numbers than with words.” the boy shrugged, trying to look cool about it, but he was watching Lucille to see her reaction.

“It’s interesting how you guys have nothing in common. I mean Eliott is an artist, has a really bad taste in music...”

“Okay, cut it off, Lucille.” Eliott said suddenly with clear irritation in his voice, turning his head at his sister. “What are you trying to say with all this?” he asked seriously. Lucille crossed her arms yet again and looked at him too, eyes narrowed. Lucas was fidgeting a little, hoping that they are not gonna fight because of him. 

“I’m saying that I don’t think this can work well.” she said it out now, being completely honest. “I won’t let you get your heart broken again.” 

“Oh, shut up! I was 15, when Sophie left me! I learned from it, and what I have with Lucas is nothing like that. This is so much more and I know he feels the same way.” he said seriously and the boy was really concerned now that they talked about him like he wasn’t even there. 

“I’m not saying this isn’t real, but you are volunerable...”

“Don’t talk like that about him.” Lucas started suddenly, surprising the siblings and also getting both of their attention. “Eliott is not more volunerable than anyone else. Yes, he is probably more sensitive, but he is just a human being like you or me.” he said seriously, looking into the girl’s eyes. “I am with him, because I know who he is and he also knows who I am. We doesn’t need anything else.”

Both of them were speechless after this, so Lucas tried to read the expressions on their faces. Eliott was just proud and happy, he had that beautiful smile and sparkles in his eyes. On the contrary, Lucille seemed impressed, a soft smile appearing on her face. She took a deep breath, drinking her coffee slowly before talking again.

“Okay, I kinda like him.” she said, glancing at Lucas over the edge of her coffee cup. The boy felt his cheeks turning red and he looked at his hands on his lap, fidgeting a little.

“Thanks.” he mumbled.

The rest of the day went on pretty well. Drinking coffee, eating baked goods, talking about casual stuff. Lucas told her about his parents spliting up, just slightly mentioning his mother’s problems, not really wanting to get into the topic too deep. Lucille asked about school, told some childhood stories about Eliott just to embarrass her brother. They laughed and had fun. 

When it got late, Eliott and Lucas said goodbye to each other. Some soft kisses, whispered words, then the older boy left with his sister, while Lucas also headed home, feeling much better now. As much as he was afraid of meeting Lucille, things went on quite well. They even exchanged numbers, while Eliott went to the bathroom, so they can get in touch if anything happens. Always prepared for the worst. 

After that both of the boys were busy, Eliott spending time with his sister and Lucas finally visiting his mother again. Sadly she wasn’t in the right condition just yet, so he decided to leave the boyfriend talk for another time. But he still enjoyed talking to her, even if she was mumbling bible verses randomly in the middle of the conversation. They had dinner together and walked in the park too, watching people passing by. 

When the evening came, Lucas was extremely tired, just wanting to eat and sleep. He made himself a cheese toast, since he barely had anything in the fridge or the cabinet and it looked like Manon hadn’t cooked. He sat down on the couch, watching some boring tv show, while munching on his sandwich. He got a little startled when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. It took him a few seconds to get it out without getting it dirty and he checked his messages. His heart started to flip-flop in his chest when he saw that Eliott texted him.

srodulv I have a surprise for you on saturday

lucallemant What kind of surprise? 

srodulv You’ll see It’s gonna be romantic

lucallemant I can’t wait I miss you so much

srodulv I miss you too

lucallemant Saturday when?

srodulv 17h30, I’ll go and pick you up at the flat Be your pretty self like always, no need for fancy clothing, okay? 

lucallemant Okay, I am really excited now Tell me where are we going!

srodulv That would ruin the surprise Be patient

lucallemant Fiiiine

srodulv ;)

On saturday Eliott arrived in time, welcoming his boyfriend with a long, passionate kiss. They were doing that for a few minutes, but then they had to break apart. The tall one walked to the road with Lucas, getting into a taxi with him. The short boy was concerned now, since they usually took bus or metro if they had to go somewhere. When he asked Eliott about it, he said that tonight is special, so he let it slide. He seemed to be more happy and touchy than usual, keeping his hands on his boyfriends thigh as they were in the taxi. They shared a few kisses, not being too affectionate in case the driver isn’t a tolerant person, but he said nothing. When they stopped at a fancy hotel, the boys got out and Eliott paid for the ride.

Lucas was too busy looking at the gigantic building in front of him. It looked wonderful, the entrance was huge, people walking in and out like ants. His boyfriend hugged him from behind, kissing his cheek softly. 

“Do you like it?” he asked.

“This was your surprise?” he looked at him still in awe. 

“Yes, we needed a place to be alone and this is perfect.” he said softly and kissed his boyfriend’s neck softly. “We can do so many things tonight...” he whispered into his ear which made the short boy shiver.

“Eliott...”

His mouth were quickly covered with the tall boy’s lips, pulling him into a long, passionate kiss right there in the middle of the street. Lucas wrapped his arms around Eliott’s neck, melting into his hold happily, enjoying the kiss, until his boyfriend pulled back and walked into the hotel with him. They were both giggling and smiling on the way up to their room. When they had the chance to be alone in the elevator, it was impossible for them to not makeout. 

The room was huge, with a big bed in it. Lucas could see the Eiffel Tower from the balcony, which was just breathtaking. He hugged Eliott happily, kissing him wildly. It was so incredible that he was standing in a fancy hotel, in a probably really expensive suite with a person he loved more than anything. He wanted to say it so badly. I love you. It’s a simple thing, but he felt like it’s not the time for it just yet. 

They sat down to a nice table that had candles and a boquet of flowers on it. Eliott opened a bottle of champagne, pouring some into glasses, giving one to his sweet boy. Lucas smiled happily, he never experienced such a romantic moment before in his life, so he wanted to save this moment in his memory forever. There were some cheese, ham, crisps, olives and tomato slices on plates in front of them.

“This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me.” Lucas said softly, grabbing his boyfriend’s hand that was resting on the table, intertwining their fingers. Eliott smiled at him softly.

“All I wanted is to make you happy and feel special. Because you are.” he said honestly, bringing their hands up to his face, kissing Lucas’ fingers. The boy blushed a little.

“I feel special for sure.” he mumbled and took a sip of his drink. “This is a really good champage.”

“Right? I chose it myself.” the tall boy said proudly, drinking some from his own glass. 

“Perfect choice indeed.” he chuckled and now grabbed a piece of camembert, placing in his mouth and enjoying the taste of the creamy cheese. He didn’t even notice that he was making inappropriate sounds until he looked at Eliott, who seemed to be really turned on by it. His face suddenly felt really hot. 

“Does that camembert taste so good?” he asked, eyes looking darker, focusing on the short boy’s mouth now. Lucas couldn’t help, but swallow and run his tongue over his bottom lip.

“You wanna taste it?” he asked, grabbing another piece and he opened his mouth, slightly sticking his tongue out to place the cheese on it. 

Eliott took a deep breath, predator smile appearing on his face as he leant forward, taking Lucas’ tongue between his lips, sucking off the camembert and then leaning back, chewing on it. The boy was speechless, just staring at his stunning boyfriend with a lovestruck gaze. Then it was Eliott’s turn, he placed a piece of ham on his tongue, waiting for his boyfriend to take it. Lucas never thought that a small piece of meat can be so intimidating, but his mouth started to water up. He swallowed before getting up from his chair, leaning forward. He parted his lips, taking Eliott’s tongue between them, sucking off the ham slowly, while they stared at each other intensely. 

Lucas slowly, really slowly pulled back, settling on his chair, feeling just a little bit uncomfortable in his pants. He swallowed the ham, eyes still locked with Eliott’s, who decided to lick his lips and shine him the most seducing smile he had ever seen. He decided to drink from his champagne now, trying to hide his blush, but then his boyfriend pulled out a joint from the pocket of his shirt, lighting it. He smirked as he took a drag from it, blowing out a cloud of smoke

“Fuck...” that was all that left Lucas’ mouth, but it was enough to make the tall boy look satisfied, raising his eyebrows to challenge him while inhaling more smoke.

Lucas decided to end this game right now, so he got up from his chair, walking to Eliott’s side and gently pushing away the table so he could sit down on his lap. The tall boy smirked, still keeping in the smoke until Lucas leant closer, their mouth just an inch away, lips parting. Eliott placed his hand on the back of the boy’s neck and blew the smoke into his mouth. When he was done, he leant his forehead on Lucas’ and sighed. The short one slowly exhaled, letting their faces be covered by the smoke for a few seconds.

It didn’t take long for them to end up in bed, clothes lying on the floor everywhere. Their kisses were wild, their touches were demanding, their voices were full of passion and need. Hands running up and down on sweaty skin. Moanings filling up the silence of the room, alongside some naughty noises their bodies made as they got more and more intimate. Eliott was extra careful knowing that this was Lucas’ first time, he wanted it to be special and painless. He did everything to make his boy relaxed, preparing him until he was basically begging for him to put it in. 

When they connected both physically and emotionally, Lucas felt like he’s seeing the stars. Waves of emotions were running through his body, making him shiver. This was the most intimate and sensual moment he ever experienced in his life. He only felt pain for a short amount of time, but then all was gone and the only thing he felt was pure pleasure. Their kisses were sloppy, sometimes teeth bumping into teeth, nails scratching soft skin. 

Lucas was laying in bed, the blanket only covering the lower half of his body, smiling like an idiot. Eliott was sitting not far from him, the other end of their blanket wrapped around his waist as he was drinking champagne staight from the bottle. He seems really happy, smile basically glued to his face.

“I really love this place.” he mumbled, looking at his boyfriend fondly. “I wish we could afford this more often.” 

“We can, we just gotta rob a bank.” Eliott said, smirking wildly. “Actually I can make the plan for that. You can be the distraction while I sneak in and get all the money we need.” he continued, which made Lucas a bit confused. 

“What are you talking about?” he tilted his head. 

“We could wear masks, I can be a raccoon and you could be a cute hedgehog.” he continued, ignoring the boy’s question. “Wouldn’t that be great?” he asked smirking. “Then we would be running away with the money and get married somewhere far from here.” he giggled and took a gulp from the champagne.

“We’re getting married?” he asked now, trying not to focus on the weird stuff.

“Of course.” Eliott answered quickly now. “I’m sure there are many Lucas and Eliott that are already married in parallel universes.” he smirked and laid down next to Lucas, rubbing his nose on his cheek. “Right?”

“Yeah, I’m sure there are a lot.” he said smiling now.

“Fuck...” Eliott mumbled, taking a bigger sip from the bottle, it was almost empty. “We should die tonight then.” he mumbled, looking at the ceiling for a moment and then back at Lucas with a smile. “While we’re at our peak.” he added. Now Lucas felt a little uneasy, pulling back to look down at the boy laying next to him.

“Why are you saying that?” he asked worried, but Eliott flashed him a soft smile, putting the bottle down, wrapping his arms around him and rubbing his nose into his neck.

“I’m kidding.” he said giggling. “I’m kidding.” he repeated when he saw that Lucas is still not smiling and planted a kiss on his neck.

It got late, the sun was setting outside when Lucas woke up. He was alone in the bed, so he turned around, still half asleep. He felt better when he saw that Eliott was sitting by the bed, staring at him. His sleepy mind couldn’t really focus on the weirdness of the situation, he just loved to be around this beautiful person, so he rubbed his eyes a little and smiled at him. 

“Don’t you wanna sleep?” he mumbled, Eliott let a weak smile appear on his face.

“I can’t sleep when there’s such a hot guy in the bed with me.” he said on a soft tone, which made Lucas smile. 

He was too tired to continue this, so he just closed his eyes and let the sleep take over him for now. Next time he woke up, he heard noises coming not far from him. He slowly opened his eyes to see Eliott roaming in the room naked, like a headless chicken. When he noticed that his boyfriend woke up, he ran to him, giving him a sloppy, wet kiss, then he headed to the door. 

“Where are you going?” Lucas asked, not entirely sure if this was reality or just a crazy dream. 

“I’ll go and get something to drink. I’m so thirsty.” he said, opening the door. “Go back to sleep.” he said softly and walked out, still naked.

The upcoming minute was like an eternity until Lucas’ brain realized what was happening. He jumped out of bed in a second and wrapped the blanket around himself, running to the door. He looked out to the hallway, calling for his boyfriend, but he was already gone. He tried not to panic, to remember the things he read on the internet. 

After he put on some clothes, he grabbed Eliott’s and left the room, shoving the key into the backpocket of his jeans. He left the building and looked around for the boy, while he also called the police. It was almost midnight, not too cold, but it wasn’t a good time to run around on the streets, and his fear of Eliott getting hurt just grew bigger. When he explained the situation to the tired officer on the other side of the line, he was hesitating. Tears were running down his cheeks, panic starting to take over his brain. He needed someone to help him handle this situation, so he decided to call Lucille.

“What happened?” was the first thing she asked when she picket up the phone, her voice still sounding sleepy.

“We were in a hotel... he is naked... He ran away, he said he wanted to get something to drink.” he sobbed, holding Eliott’s clothes tightly in his arms. “I already called the police... but I don’t know where he went.” he mumbled, trying to calm himself down, but his mind didn’t stop showing him horrible pictures of his boyfriend being beaten up because he’s naked or getting hit by a car. He shook his head and sighed.

“Okay, it was a good move calling the police.” she said, trying to sound calm, but she was just as upset as the boy. “Send me the address of the hotel, I’ll be right there.” 

“I will.” he mumbled, still looking around on the streets, like he was hoping that Eliott will come back to him on his own. After he sent the message he slid his phone back to his jean pocket now, waiting for Lucille.

When he snapped back to reality, he knew something bad happened. He was sitting on a steel chair, wrapped in a blanket, but he wasn’t wearing anything under. His body felt cold, but sweaty at the same time, it was disgusting. Eliott wanted to just rip off his skin and threw it away. His last memory was Lucas, sleeping in bed next to him like an angel he is. He was playing with his hair... then full cut. His mind went blank and now he was here, what looked like a police station, sitting by a desk in a small office. No one else was with him, but he heard voices from the hallway through the door. He could see shadows out there through the blurry window. His stomach twisted and he had to slap his hand over his mouth to hold back a gag. His whole body was shivering, his feet hurt, but not more than his heart when he noticed a familiar voice. A third shadow appeared in front of the door, smaller than the other two with long, crazy hair. He felt like he can’t breathe, putting a hand over his chest, looking around when he noticed a paper bag that probably had some baked goods in it not long ago. He grabbed it, letting the blanket slip off of his shoulders in the process. He lifted to his mouth and started inhaling and exhaling into the bag, slowly normalizing his breathing. 

He startled when someone opened the door, peeking inside. He was scared just for a second, then he noticed it was Lucille. She looked exhausted, like she haven’t slept all night. Eliott wanted to know what was the time, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. A soft smile appeared on the girl’s face when she noticed that her brother was conscious again. There was an angry voice talking to her from outside, so she lookd back and answered quietly, so Eliott can’t hear them. She then turned back, squinting her eyes a little. 

“You don’t have to speak now.” she started softly. “Lucas wants to see you, do you want him to come in?” she asked carefully, studying the expressions on the boy’s face. Eliott felt a strong shiver going through his body and he really wanted to get rid of his skin now. He pulled back the blanket over him and shook his head quickly. He can’t let him to see him in a ondition like this. It was already embarrassing and terrifying enough that all this happened in the presence of his boyfriend. Lucas must be scared and he can’t blame him. This is not what he deserves. He deserves a boyfriend who won’t snap in the middle of the night, leaving naked and then end up in a police station. 

He felt streaks of warm tears going down on his cheeks, his chest kept hurting, making it hard to breathe. Lucille already pulled her head back, closing the door behind her. The loud argument from outside were getting on his nerves, making him feel even more bad. Lucas’ voice sounded worried and scared from what he could here, cracking sometimes when he was sobbing. Eliott could feel his heart breaking into millions of pieces. He did this, Lucas, his soft and caring boy was crying and yelling because of him, because of what he was. He deserved better, someone who is not crazy, like Eliott. 

After long agonizing moments that seemed like hours Lucille entered the room with an officer. He looked nice, smiling softly at Eliott, handing some papers and clothes to his sister before leaving them alone. He looked up, seeing the redness now in Lucille’s eyes which just made his guilt dig deeper inside him, eating up everything. She had a small smile on her face, but it was just her lips, her eyes were filled with worries.

“How are you?” she asked softly, holding the paper and clothes to her chest. 

“I feel like shit.” Eliott responded, voice slightly hoarse. 

“You wanna get dressed?” she glanced at the stuff in her hands and then back at her brother. Eliott slowly nodded and took the clothes from her now. 

It was hard to get up, letting the blanket fall back on the little chair he was sitting on. Lucille turned around, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable in the situation and he was really glad for the gesture. After long minutes of struggling, Eliott was standing there wearing black socks, dakr blue sweatpants, a grey shirt and a black hoodie. He had no idea where these came from, but almost everything was his size. When he got ready, he softly touched Lucille’s arm, not wanting to talk. She nodded, wrapping her arm around Eliott’s waist, walking out of the office with him.

Lucas was back at the apartment, walking up and down in the living room, grabbing his hair, pulling it just a little to keep himself awake. He was up since midnight and it was already nine in the morning. Mika and Manon were in the kitchen, drinking coffee and tea. They didn’t ask anything, seeing that the boy was too upset to talk to them and he was really glad for their understanding, because he was sure that all he could do at the moment is scream at the first person that talks to him. 

He already texted Sofiane, Idriss and Lucille multiple times, but got no response. On the station the girl told Lucas that Eliott didn’t wanted to see him, it broke his heart and he was arguing with her for almost ten minutes, but then he decided to leave. Since then he regretted his choice multiple times. He shouldn’t leave his boyfriend in times like this, he must feel that Lucas abandoned him. He was scared and worried about him, not knowing what to do with himself. 

He jumped when he heard the buzzing of his phone from the direction of the coffee table. He had put it there earlier to stop himself from texting to everyone that could give him information on Eliott. He grabbed it faster than lightning, unlocking it to see who texted him. His heart skipped a beat when he saw that it was in fact an SMS from Eliott himself.

From Eliott I think we should stop seeing each other for a while. I am sorry that I scared you, but I need time to recover and being around you wouldn’t help with that. I hope you understand. It’s not your fault, it’s mine.

In that exact moment Lucas’ heart broke into pieces.

[hymn2000]

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Alternate Ending to Avengers Endgame - for snarkofstark - C4

Alternate ending to Endgame, aka The Film That Should Not Be Named. This was done mostly to the headcanons @snarkofstark sent me about what happens (should have happened) at the end of Endgame. I have put my own twists on it, as per the first chapters disclaimer.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3

You can also find me on AO3

@snarkofstark I’m so sorry for the delay in updating! Hope you enjoy the chapter regardless (also I completely forgot about your nanotech support headcanon until after I’d written most of this, so what Tony makes is a little different. Hope that’s ok!)

Warnings/themes: alternate ending, illness, injury, PTSD (mentioned), family, recovery, hospital stuff, general mental health stuff

Chapter 4 - Maybe You’ll Get A Replacement

-

Peter swallowed. Tony probably hadn’t meant it, but it sounded like he was placing the responsibility of this aid on his shoulders. 

“Hey, lend me your hand” Tony said. “No, the right one”

Peter held his arm out, and let Tony take hold of it. He watched him take out a black marker and start drawing an outline on him. 

“I think your idea is better” Tony said, sketching in supports. “It’ll be better than clunking around in an Iron Man gauntlet. Maybe not as cool, but more practical. It’ll be easier to fix and modify if it’s just this, too. Kinda like a skeleton, right? Or a spiders web”

Peter didn’t say anything. He looked at the blueprint taking shape on his arm. It looked pretty cool, and the idea was sound - but he did wonder if it would actually work. He’d seen Tony get cross about his bad arm a lot while he was in hospital, and Peter didn’t know enough about the medical side of his condition to know whether he’d ever recover properly. But what he did know, was that if this product - this prosthesis, as it were - failed, well, Peter didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Tony’s anger again. 

-

The sound of the door opening made Peter jump. Pepper took one look at the ink on his skin, and folded her arms over her chest.

“What are you doing?”

“Planning” Tony said. “We’ve found a better design for my thing”

“Peter, why don’t you go and have a bath and try to wash all that ink off?”

Peter knew it wasn’t really a suggestion, and he got up obediently.

“Wait, wait” Tony said, grabbing Peter’s arm. “I need to take pictures first, and then I can make a 3D simulation of it. We’ll start 3D printing it later, or at least a prototype, ok?”

Peter nodded, and let Tony take photos of his arm from all angles. 

“Thanks, kiddo. You’d better run now”

Peter did, leaving Tony and Pepper together. Tony shrugged at Pepper.

“What’s that face for?”

“You remember that conversation we had about doing your physio?”

“I do do my physio” Tony said. “But my way is better and quicker”

“Oh really?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve stopped believing in me after all these years”

Pepper sighed, going over and winding her arms round him, resting her chin on his shoulder. 

“I want you to get better. I want you to be happy, but I also think maybe you putting all your efforts into ‘fixing’ your arm isn’t the best use of your time” she said. “I love you, Tony, but I can’t let you, let this, consume you. Can’t you step back, focus on the family, and on the kid while he’s here?”

“I love you too, Pep... But I want to be able to lift my little girl up in both arms, and I want to be able to work again, properly” he said. “I can’t fix the scars, but I can sort my arm out. I just need some time to get it right”

“You always have to be so stubborn, don’t you?” she sighed. “I’m not going to be able to change your mind about this, am I?”

“I’m not putting myself above you and Morgan. You’re my priority, but this little replacement thing, this prosthetic - if you will - it’s good for all of us, right?”

“I know why you’re doing this” she said. “But do you really think getting the kid involved in making this thing is a good idea?”

“Peter’s a smart kid. He’ll be able to help do the fiddly bits and stuff that my hand can’t manage right now. He likes this kinda stuff; it’ll be fine. We’ll get this done, and then we can get on with domestic bliss, just us, here”

“That isn’t really what I meant” Pepper said. Tony didn’t respond. “Take a break. Go and get something to eat”

“I’m not hungry”

“I didn’t ask”

Tony laughed slightly. “Alright, alright. Where’s Morgan?”

“Eating. She’s the only sensible person in this household” 

“God knows where she gets it from” Tony said, knowing full well. He stood up. “Fine, I’ll take a break, if it’ll make you feel better”

“Good. Now go and eat”

-

Morgan looked up when her father came into the kitchen.

“Are you in trouble?”

“You betcha, kiddo” Tony said, sticking a slice of bread into the toaster. 

“Where’s Peter? Is he in trouble too?”

“Nearly” Tony said. “Don’t worry about him; he’s just having a bath. Hey, do you want a biscuit?”

“I’ve already had one”

“Well, have another” Tony said, finding the packet and giving her one. “Just don’t tell mum, or we’ll both be in trouble”

Morgan giggled, and put a finger to her lips, silently promising to stay quiet.

“That’s my girl” Tony smiled fondly. “So, is your school back in session now you’ve had lunch?”

Morgan shook her head. “No more school. I’m gonna play something else”

“Oh yeah, what are you gonna play?”

“I don’t know yet. Bikes, probably”

She sounded so serious that Tony couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sorry, sorry!” he said, throwing his hands up in defence at the little glare she fixed him with. “Bikes. Very good idea”

“Can you make it light up?”

“Your bike? Sure, I can give it a go, modify the wheel spikes a bit, add a bit of flare, maybe make it so you can see a picture when the wheels are spinning. You’ll help design it, right?”

“Yep! Set it on fire!”

“Woah, woah, that’s a bit far” Tony chuckled. “We’re not turning it into a weapon. A light up bike is good enough for now. I’ve got a whole bunch of stuff knocking about that could work. We’ll work on it some time”

“I’ll hold you to that” 

Tony laughed, and gave her a little hug. She was a funny kid.

-

For a while, Tony managed to forget about the modification for his arm. He spent the afternoon with Morgan, planning the lighting work for her bike, and then messing about outside. The weather was mild, so there was no stopping them. Peter joined them later on. He was more active than Tony, and closer to Morgan’s speed. It was good having both kids together. Peter still happily did whatever Morgan asked, smiling and singing silly old childrens songs to make her laugh. In the middle of one of their games, Tony stopped and thought to himself just how good it was to be out of hospital, to have all this space to himself and the people he loved. Sure, things weren’t perfect, but they were getting pretty damn close.

-

After Morgan had gone to bed, Tony wheeled her bike into his work space, and sat down to start making the lighting modifications for the wheels. They’d brainstormed lots of ideas, but Morgan had eventually decided on a simple daisy-type flower, yellow in the middle, with pink petals, and a green border. A very cute, little-girly idea, and one Tony was sure would be simple to execute. 

Peter had asked for a slab of strong wood, and he sat at the other end of the workbench, working away.

“What’cha working on there, kiddo?” Tony asked. “Didn’t know you were into woodwork”

“Well, we do a little bit at school, but that’s it, really” he shook his head slightly. “Have you got some heavy duty rope knocking about?”

“Uhh, I think there’s some out in the shed. Should be, anyway” Tony said.

They both worked quietly for a while, the sounds of their work tools being their soundtrack. Peter finished sizing his creation. He sanded the edges, and bore a good sized hole on the short sides of the rectangular block of wood. He filed the inside of the holes, and carved grooves around the edges of the block, making a dented outline on the top surface. 

“What are you making?” Tony asked.

“Hm? Oh. Um... Well, I told Morgan I’d make her a swing”

Tony looked up. “Oh?”

“Yeah. We were talking a bit when we were messing about on the trees. They’d be perfect for it, yknow. I thought I could knock one together pretty easily, just wood, and then rope to tie it to the tree” Peter said. “Uhhh, I don’t suppose you’ve got a book on knots anywhere? I wanna make sure I use the safest one”

“Not as far as I know. You might just have to google it” Tony said. “That girl! She’s got you wrapped round her little finger already!”

“That’s what Pepper said” Peter smiled. “She’s sweet. I like her...”

“But..?”

Peter shrugged. “I’m still getting my head around the fact that you’ve got a daughter, yknow. The whole, being gone for five years without realising it, it’s a funny one”

“Yeah, I can imagine. Still, we’re all here. We can get back to normal - or, whatever ‘normal’ is!” 

Peter glanced up at him. “Have you got a burny tool?”

“What, a soldering iron?”

“No, like, one of those burny tools you can use to write things with. I don’t know what they’re called”

“Ooh. It’s pyrography, isn’t it? I think they’re literally just called pyrography wood burning tools” Tony said. “I’ve got one somewhere, I’m sure of it”

He stopped what he was doing and started rummaging through his work bench drawers. Peter waited patiently. Tony found the old tool buried at the bottom. He turned it over in his hands before handing it to the boy.

“I’d maybe practice on some old wood first. Don’t burn yourself”

“I won’t. Thanks, Mr Stark”

Peter spent a while practising. Tony watched him, and he got up when he put the tool to the swing seat. He kept a safe distance, but kept a close eye on what he was doing. Peter’s writing was a little shaky, and darker in some places where he’d pressed harder, and lighter in others where he hadn’t pressed quite so hard, but that didn’t matter. For Morgan, from your friend Peter, it read, and he’d burnt a lopsided little heart into the wood after his name. He put the wood burner down, and Tony reached out and ruffled his hair, much to Peter’s surprise.

“She’ll love it” Tony smiled. 

Peter smiled a little nervously. “You really think she’ll like it? I know it’s a bit amateur, and not really like the kind of swing you can buy”

“It doesn’t matter: it looks good. No one else will have one like that. We can put it up tonight, and it’ll be a surprise for her in the morning”

“Ok!”

Tony squeezed his shoulder. “Let’s find some rope and look up some knots, kiddo”

-

Putting the swing up took longer than expected, but after a lot of redoing of knots and readjusting of ropes, they got it hanging evenly on the strongest tree, close to the den. 

“There! Done!” Peter said, feeling quite proud of himself.

“You should test it”

“Uh... ok” Peter sat on the swing. It didn’t fall down, which was a good sign.

“Have a swing, then”

Peter shifted awkwardly. “I feel silly”

“Get up a minute”

Peter did. Tony sat on the swing, and pulled Peter onto his lap. 

“Hey! Wait, I don’t want to hurt you!” Peter said, feeling his face flushing.

“You’re not that heavy, kid, don’t worry” Tony said, putting an arm round his waist to keep him there. “Hey, if this thing can hold us two, it can definitely hold Morgan”

“Yeah, I guess so” Peter said.

Peter didn’t dare move. He was actually sat on Tony Stark’s lap. Wow. He felt a little awkward, but, truth be told, he quite liked it. Tony always felt like a safe person to be with, and this was another one of those nice, safe, moments.

“Still, better to test it properly” Tony said, kicking off to put the swing into motion. 

It held up well, which they both suspected it would. It was strong and secure. It felt like any other swing now. Tony gradually brought the swing back to a standstill. 

“I think it’ll be fine” he said, slowly releasing Peter.

Peter got up, and Tony did too. They both looked at the swing. Tony gave Peter a playful punch on the shoulder.

“Good work, kid. Now all I need to do is finish the bike lights, and she’ll be well away”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, cool. Can I help?”

“Sure. You can do all the fiddly boring bits for me”

Tony put an arm round Peter’s shoulders, and lead him back to the house.

-

Pepper watched Morgan riding her bike around with flowers lighting up on the wheels, and turned to Tony.

“You spoil her, you know”

“Well, what can I say? I’ve always been good with the ladies” 

“You’re an idiot” Pepper said, kissing him gently. “It does look good, I’ll give you that”

“She likes it. That’s all that matters”

“How long did it take?”

“A few hours” Tony shrugged. “Peter did the fiddly bits for me, otherwise it would’ve been longer”

-

Tony sat on the new swing, Morgan on his lap, kicking against the floor to keep the swing going.

“You can go pretty high on these things once you know how” Tony said. 

“What if I go too high and go right over the branch?”

“I don’t think there’s too much risk of that” Tony said, resting his head against hers. “You don’t have to go high if it scares you. You can swing just how you like”

“It’s a good swing” Morgan said.

“Yeah, Peter’s done well”

“I like the heart he drew. And the little message”

“Cute, right?”

“He’s my friend” Morgan said, putting her hands over her fathers. “But you’re my friend more”

Tony paused, and kissed her on the temple. “You’re my friend too”

Morgan craned her head to look at him. “Best friends?”

Tony smiled. “The best friends ever”

-

Peter felt like Tony’s plans for the arm support had been put on the back burner, so it was a bit of a surprise when Tony laid the blueprints out in front of him at the work bench that evening. 

“So, this is where we got to the other night. And this is where I got to while you were with Pepper” he produced the 3D printed skeleton of the support they’d designed. “I’ve been tweaking it, but it’s still fitted to you, not me. Here”

Peter took it, looking it over. it was a lot lighter than it looked. It looked a little funny, but it looked smooth, sleek, almost like a finished product. As he looked closer, he could see evidence of the electrics and adjustments Tony had made. 

“Stick it on. You’ll be able to tell me what it’s like. Morgan put it on but it was too big for her, of course. She said it looked cool anyway, so that’s high praise” he said. “Go on, put it on. Tell me how it feels”

“Is it switched on?”

“Just squeeze that bit at the back of the wrist. I’ll make it an auto thing later, but this is just the prototype, so it’s just a button” 

Peter squeezed it, feeling the button click, and then slipped it onto his hand. It felt a lot better than the gauntlet. It was light, and more comfortable. The bit near the inner elbow cut in a bit, but it didn’t seem like anything that couldn’t be easily fixed.

“Well, move your hand about a bit, then” Tony said, getting a little impatient.

Peter did as he was asked, moving his wrists, moving his thumb and each finger individually, clenching and unclenching his fists, pinching his fingers together and crossing them. The resistance on the gauntlet version had been very obvious and distracting, but it was so much better on this. He could feel the support, feel the aid in moving and stabilising his fingers, especially when using pincer grip, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It did judder a little bit in places, probably due to it being a rush job, but it felt good. Promising. 

Peter relayed all of this feedback to Tony, and Tony’s lips twitched, and he soon smiled.

“We’re on the right track, kiddo” he said. “We’ll tune it up, and then we’ll practice with strength and stuff before we make one for me, ok?”

“Well, ok, but... I don’t think we can test strength with me”

“Right, why not?”

���Well, uh... With all due respect, Mr Stark, I’m not the one who can’t heavy lift with one hand”

Tony was quiet for a moment. “Ok, good point. Well, we can fine tune all the rest of it on you, and then we’ll work on the strength when we’ve made one to fit me”

Peter nodded. “Sorry”

“Don’t be: you’re not wrong. Anyway, just show me where it needs adjusting by the elbow. We can sort that first, and then we’ll start on the inner mechanisms. I might need to use your hands for some of it”

“Ok. So, just this bit here? And maybe take some of the like, lines? Lines, yeah, from over the elbow bone, and like, just have it as a loop over the outlines, maybe with a band round that bit of the upper arm, if you need extra support to keep it on. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I get you. What do you think for the colour, anyway? Should we try to make a clear or flesh tone one?”

Peter thought for a moment. “Flesh tone would look weird, and I don’t think you could make a clear one: it’d just show all the inner workings. I think the black looks fine. I mean, as long as it works, that’s the main bit, right? I don’t think it matters if it’s noticeable. Lots of mobility aids are...”

“Yeah, ok, we’ll stick with the black. So, sounds like it’s working already, so that’s a good sign. I think we can get this prototype done tonight, and we’ll start on mine tomorrow. How’s that sound?”

“Ambitious” Peter said. “But considering you managed to get all of this done in like, three hours, I think it’s doable, especially with two of us” 

“Good answer. Right, just a second” he went out to the kitchen, returning hardly a minute later and handing a litre bottle of pop to Peter, and keeping another for himself. “Ok, stick the stereo on, and let’s get to work”

-

‘Ambitious but doable’ ended up being the correct assumption. It was hard going, and sometimes Peter found it hard explaining the issues to be fixed properly, but the music in the background helped then along in calm workmanship, and eventually, the prototype was finished. They both looked at the plastic mesh, Peter flexing his arm and testing it again. 

“You know, once you’re used to it, it looks kinda cool” he said. “Shall I try the weights again?”

“Sure” Tony said.

Peter spent a little while messing with the dumbbells. Even though he didn’t have the weakness that Tony had, they’d worked out that there was a definite difference between lifting heavy objects with and without the support of the prototype, and they thought it was a fairly good basis for working out strength. 

“I think that’s enough testing” Tony said.

Peter put the dumbbells down. “Well, you were right in saying it could be finished tonight”

“Yeah, I was, wasn’t I?” he put an arm round the boys shoulders, and couldn’t help but laugh happily. “We’ve done it, kiddo! We’re another step - no, another leap - closer to fixing my bad arm! I’ll be back to my old self before you know it”

Peter still agreed with Pepper; that maybe this support wasn’t the best way to go, and that maybe Tony should just focus on his physio and on his family, but he couldn’t very well tell him that, and he certainly couldn’t shoot him down in his moment of triumph. So, he just grinned at him.

“It’s a pretty cool thing! I’m kinda, well, I’m pretty happy with how it’s turned out”

“You should be proud, kiddo. Couldn’t’ve done it without you” Tony gave him a quick squeeze. “Ok, it’s late, and I’ve got a feeling my lovely wife might like some company. Let’s call it a night in here”

“Ok, yeah, it’s getting pretty late” Peter said, slipping the prototype off his arm and putting it back into it’s lockable box. “I don’t think I could work much more tonight”

“It’s been a long one. Why don’t you head on up to bed? Can’t have you burning out” Tony said. 

“That does sound pretty tempting. Thanks, Mr Stark”

“Still always so formal” Tony said, shaking his head fondly. “Go on, then. Goodnight, kiddo” 

“Goodnight. See you in the morning”

-

Tony was in good spirits all day, arguably the best he’d been in since getting out of hospital. They all had a good day, and that evening, after Morgan had gone to bed, Peter had finished talking to May on the phone, and Pepper had settled in front of the telly with a glass of wine, Tony grabbed the boy and took him back to the workbench. 

“Right, let’s resize this digital blueprint and get my support done, ok?”

“Ok. Did you make notes of all the fixings and stuff?”

“Yeah, I uploaded everything onto this file, and scribbled a bunch of notes after you’d gone to bed last night. Barely took a minute. Right”

Peter watched Tony playing with the projected blueprint, sizing it to his own arm and adjusting it where necessary. It didn’t take him too long to perfect the sizing, and send it to the 3D printer.

“Ok” Tony said, sitting back while it was printing, and grabbing a notebook. “We’ve worked out all the mechanisms, all the fixings, so we know exactly what we’re doing. Here, take this list, get out everything we need”

“Sure thing, Mr Stark” 

Peter obediently took the list, reading it over.

“Um, Mr Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we put some music on? It’s easier to concentrate with background music”

Tony smiled. “Sure thing, kiddo. I’ve got something you’ll like”

Peter looked at him. They never really talked about music. The only thing Peter could remember telling him in the last few weeks was that he’d recently gotten into Elton John. Tony pressed play on his music - and it was obvious he’d remembered what Peter had said.

Hey kids, shake it loose together The spotlight's hitting something That's been known to change the weather, We'll kill the fatted calf tonight So stick around, You're gonna hear electric music Solid walls of sound

Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet Oooh but they're so spaced out, B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets, Oh but they're weird and they're wonderful Oh Bennie she's really keen

She's got electric boots, a mohair suit You know I read it in a magazine, B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets

-

Peter felt good. Tony was happy - or at least if not truly happy, then at least contented, and hopeful. Peter went and made them both a mug of coffee while the 3D printer was still working away, but they barely had a few mouthfuls before both mugs were left to go cold. 

Tony was right: they knew what they were doing now. The guesswork was gone out of it. Peter wore the prototype, just because it felt like the right thing to do. They worked together on each part of the plastic webbing, installing everything exactly as it had been on the prototype. It was incredibly complex doing all the electrics from scratch, and Peter was glad he didn’t have to do it alone, as it felt like it was way above his skill level. Tony saw his hesitation, and kept encouraging him, demonstrating some of it, talking him through everything and congratulating every completed section. 

Even with Tony’s instruction and Peter’s dexterity, it took a good hour and three-quarters to finish, but at least it was done. Peter pieced together the sections of the support, and then stayed with it in his hands, touching the inner supports and the smooth plastic. He looked up at Tony, and carefully held it out to him.

“It’ll work” Peter said, seeing his hesitation. “Mine works, and it’s just the prototype. This one will be fine too. And if it’s not, you can always blame me”

Tony laughed slightly. “You’re a funny kid, you know”

“Yeah, you say that a lot”

Tony smiled at him, took the support from him, and slipped it onto his arm. He adjusted it a little, making it sit properly. He clenched and unclenched his fist. It didn’t feel any different. It was still an effort, and it still felt juddery and funny. He frowned, and Peter carefully reached across, squeezing the button at the wrist of the support to turn it on. 

“I’ll get that sensor put in some time” Tony said, choosing to laugh at himself for forgetting something so simple. “Ok, moment of truth”

He took a deep breath, and clenched his fist again. He paused, unclenched his fist, spread his fingers, crossed them over each other, tapped his finger tips against his thumb. It felt a bit weird - but effortless. He straightened his arm, and bent it again. It was... fine. It wasn’t a huge effort. He could feel the supports of the aid working, and he was grateful that he could. It definitely worked. He just had a couple more things to test.

“Hey, Pete?” he said. “Do me a favour: go and get a plate and a bag of Skittles out of the cupboard in the kitchen”

“Morgan won’t be happy” 

“We’ll get her more. This is important”

“Ok” Peter went and got the Skittles and plate, and went back to Tony.

“Good. Right, I need to test something”

“Pincer grip?” Peter guessed, opening the Skittles and pouring them onto the plate.

“Exactly. It’s been very hit and miss since that whole infinity gauntlet business” Tony said. “And much more miss than hit. You’ve probably noticed”

“Yeah...” Peter watched him for a little while. “How does it feel?”

“It’s funny, because as much as I hate the whole thing, I must’ve gotten used to having a knackered arm” he said. “This feels weird, but it feels like - well, I think it’ll take some getting used to... Pass me one of those dumbbells”

Peter wasn’t so sure. Still, he did as he was asked, carefully choosing one of the lighter ones. Tony shook his head.

“No, give me one of the heavier ones”

“Are you sure that-”

“Do as you’re told”

He sounded so much like a dad that Peter was visibly taken aback. He picked up one of the heavier dumbbells, and put it in Tony’s right hand.

“You can let go now, kiddo. I’ve got this”

Peter bit his lower lip, and let go. Tony held the dumbbell for a while, turning his wrist, and then doing a slow bicep curl. He held the weight by his shoulder for a moment, and then lowered it. He managed a few quicker, controlled curls with ease, and he started laughing.

“It works! Oh god, it actually works! We’ve done it!” he grinned at Peter. “It works!”

Peter didn’t know what to say, so he stayed quiet. Tony put the weight down on the workbench, and stood up.

“It works!” he repeated, throwing his arms round Peter. “I knew we could do it! I said you’d help fix me, and you have! We’ve done it!”

Peter hugged him back, suddenly hit with the realisation. “So it feels ok?”

“It feels great!” Tony held him at arms length. “This is- oh my god, I don’t even know what to say! It’s always felt like such a hopeless concept, but now here we are, and it works, and I can pick up Skittles without having to concentrate for all I’m worth, and I can lift weights without my arm giving out! Oh god, this is just- I need to tell Pepper! Pepper!!!”

He let go of Peter, rushing off to find Pepper, and knocking over a mug of cold coffee as he did so. Peter stood there for a moment, not sure what to do, but opting for cleaning up instead of following Tony. He didn’t want to get in the way.

-

When Peter went through to the living room, Tony was still rambling excitedly to Pepper, demonstrating his new artificial strength and dexterity for her. He was trembling, his eyes watering with the adrenaline and happiness and pure relief of this triumph. Pepper had turned the telly off, giving him her undivided attention, sharing in his glory, asking him questions and trying not to let her own relief get out of hand. Maybe her relief was for a different reason, but it was there nevertheless - and seeing her husband smiling like he was had turned into such a rare occurrence, and it was simply beautiful to see.

Tony grinned at Peter as he cautiously approached.

“This is your work as well as mine, kiddo! You should be proud. I’m proud, I’m proud of us, I’m proud of you! Come here, I bet I can pick you up now!”

“Umm, we haven’t really modified the strength for you properly yet” Peter said, stepping closer. “Shouldn’t we stick with weights for a while?”

“When did this kid get so serious?” Tony said, smiling at Pepper. “Let’s give it a go. Humour me, right?”

“I’m still not sure” Peter said, but Tony’s smile was infectious, and he couldn’t help smiling too.

“Right, good. So, your legs are obviously gonna be the lighter bit, so I want them over my left arm, so stand this way, and-”

“Mr Stark, w-”

“Shush, ok, let’s do this”

“Tony” Pepper said, smiling at him. “Don’t overdo it”

“It’s be out of character if I didn’t” Tony said, and before anyone could protest further, he scooped Peter off the ground, bridal-style.

For half a second there, it was fine. But then Tony’s bad arm gave out, and as he was still holding onto the boy, he fell with him. Pepper winced as they crashed onto the living room floor, landing in a heap. Peter shook his head, as though shaking the shock of the situation off.

“Mr Stark, are you ok?!”

“I’m fine, kiddo” Tony said, pushing himself up and sitting back on his heels. He grinned at Peter, and at Pepper. “I’m good. Ok, so we need to sort out and work on the strength, but we’re getting there!”

“I told you not to overdo it” Pepper said, and she knelt in front of him on the floor and kissed him hard.

Peter made a point of turning his head away while they kissed. It was a proper kiss, too: a proper film-star, madly-in-love, kiss. They held onto each other, and Pepper could feel the strength in Tony’s right hand. His aid - support, prosthetic, whatever it was - it worked. Maybe it wasn’t perfect yet, but it worked. Tony needed that: not just for his arm, but for his peace of mind. It was another step closer to recovery. It wasn’t conventional, but that didn’t matter.

“We’ve got an audience, remember” Pepper said, after slowly breaking the kiss.

“You make it easy to forget” Tony smiled, his eyes glowing with love as he looked at her. 

Pepper smiled and shook her head, looking at Peter.

“You ok there?”

Peter nodded. “I’m fine”

“Hey, what’s up?” Tony said, noticing how he was cradling his arm.

“Hm? Oh... Uh, you kinda landed on my wrist. It’s fine though!” he quickly added.

“Let me see” Tony carefully took hold of him, and Peter sucked his breath. “Sorry, kiddo”

“It’s nothing, honestly”

“Wiggle your fingers for me... Now move your wrist, like, in a circle” Tony told him. “Ok, well, it might hurt, but it’s not broken”

“Yeah, I said it was fine” Peter said, trying to smile reassuringly. “I’m fine”

“We should still get you some ice” Pepper said, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

“Pep’s right, kiddo. Come on, kitchen. Don’t worry; I won’t try to carry you this time”

Peter couldn’t help laughing, and Pepper did too. He was still the same old Tony, no matter what.

-

Tony made them all a drink and they spent a good while sat at the kitchen table. Peter didn’t seem phased by the ice pack around his wrist, and continued to smile.

“So, have you got a name for it?” Pepper asked. “This whole mixing between aid, support, thing, or whatever, is getting a bit confusing even for me”

“You know, I was so busy making it, I didn’t even think about names” Tony said. “Any ideas, kid?”

“Umm... I’ll have to have a think” Peter said. “It does need a name though, I agree with that. I keep getting mixed up with what to call it as well”

Tony laughed slightly. “Right, let’s have a think. See if we can find something that means something”

They were all quiet for a few moments, sipping their drinks and thinking.

“A.S?” Pepper suggested, not sounding overly convinced with the idea.

“Simple enough” Tony said. “Could work. Kid, what have you got?”

“I’ll be honest, the only thing coming to mind is ‘handy gadget’, and I don’t think that’s so great”

Tony and Pepper laughed at him, shaking their heads.

“I think it needs a name with meaning, even if it’s not necessarily descriptive like A.S would be” Tony said. 

“Newbie?” Peter said awkwardly. “Signifying a new start?”

“It’s a decent idea: I can see where you’re coming from. I think you should have a say, anyway: you came up with the webbing design, and we built it together. We got to this point together...”

They all went quiet again. They’d left the music playing in the other room, and part of a song drifted through the door. 

And if there comes a time, Guns and gates no longer hold you in, And if you're free to make a choice, Just look towards the west and find a friend

Tony and Peter looked at each other, and as their eyes met, they both knew exactly what the other was thinking. Pepper looked at them.

“What?” she said.

“We know what to call the arm support thing” Tony said. 

“Oh. What?”

Peter and Tony smiled at each other.

“Nikita”

*

[sweetkiwi-vt]

Creepypasta OC

Pablo and Lilly #digitalart #creepypasta

About the characters:

Both are related.

The man in the chair is called Pablo...

No wait.

I'll just let them speak.

Lilly:

Hello!

My name is Lilly Ork and I'm 4 years old.

I like pandas and bears, because they are really cute!

I also like listening to my papa. He always gives me something fun to do!

I don't like lemons. They make me want to throw up, also I don’t like chilies, but I like cakes! Papa doesn’t let me to eat them so much though.

I don’t have a mama or grandpa and grandma. I saw papa kill them.

I don’t go to school either. Papa said that that's a bad idea.

Daddy told me that when I was little I met my grandma and grandpa once. They didn’t like me, when I asked about my mommy he said she didn’t like me either!

I didn’t mind it though. As long as papa gives me Pat's on the head and buys me new toys every time an old one gets dirty I don’t mind!

I have long brown hair made in pigtails, with such cute pink ribbons I took from a girlie I saw on the street. She got really mad at me, her mommy too. So papa took her out that night! Then he gave me the ribbons!

I wear a really pretty one piece dress with paws print on it! Papa bought me that dress recently, but from being nice white color it turned red, the brown. When I asked my papa about it, he told me that red color changes to brown when dry. I think I missed a part then.

One day I got really sick, my eye was really itchy, so papa and I went to see a doctor.

Papa then told me that I had Heterochromia. I'm not sure what that means. He gave me an eyepatch to hide one of my eyes.

I have a story on that too. Little while ago I got lost in a supermarket. Papa and I were out shopping for trash bags and something to eat. An old lady found me there. She told me I have beautiful eyes. Apparently I have one green and one blue eye.

Papa was mad at me for going off on my own, but he praised me for finding another annoying victim.

I don’t speak much, papa doesn’t like noise, so I'm quiet. I don’t really like to speak either. Now that I think about it, I don’t like hearing other people talk. Papa always talks to me and with me but I don’t hate it. Because its papa.

When I'm alone with papa and not haunting annoying people, we usually draw and collect things. I like doing that!

It's really fun to collect rocks and then draw on them!

What I dislike to do is talking with older men. They always look weirdly at me. My papa too dislikes them.

I cant read or write but papa is teaching me!

I can now read headlines of newspapers alone!

I really like my teddy bear. This is 3rd one already.

Kill?

I like to give poison to people my papa points out to me.

I usually walk to a person papa doesn’t like and then lead them astray!

Then my papa strangles them!

If not that, then I put white poisonous powder I have in my teddy bear.

People don’t suspect anything. That's weird.

Well it was nice talking to you!

Papa is behind you though. His eyes are telling me that both of us were quiet annoying and noisy just now!

Good bye! It was nice talking to you!

Eren:

My name is Eren Ork. I am 24 years old, a collage drop out and orphan.

Well not to then full extent, as you will hear later on, I killed my mother, father and step brother.

Why?

Because I was bored and they were all annoying.

That's what I hate the most, annoying people.

This is my story. It's not short but well, listen to it while you still can.

I've been alone since I can remember.

I grew up in a rich family.

"Next heir of our cooperation"

"He is so smart he can do anything."

Well, I would've stayed if my mother wasn’t a cunt like she was.

She would force me to study and made me spend my hours watching my father work.

Maybe because she wasn't even sure if I was my father's child.

As far as I know, I'm a single child. An only son of the CEO, and like I said only one who can actually take over the company.

So I was adored and respected to some point.

I learned how to act.

Sing.

How to play a piano.

And how to hate my family.

I never went to actual school. Other then my mother's abuse in a way, I was always alone. So when I turned 12.

I discovered something really amusing.

"We are reporting. The several killings that have been going on. As the reporters from the scene are reporting. In this small house, like you can see. We found multiple bodies. Their skin was used as a canvas, is what the policeman are stating. It is still..."

My face was glued to the screen.

The fact, that someone could do something like that, amused me. It seemed interasting. I wanted to try it.

But...

"What are you doing?! Aren’t you supposed to study?!" My mother was screaming at me from the door to my room. She's so loud and annoying.

"Get away from that. Damien! Take that thing out of my son's room!" So loud.

"You move away from that thing!" She stomped next to me, and grabbed me for my arm and pulled me up.

"Let me go, you loud hag." Is what I told her.

She just frowned and slapped me.

I felt it, I wanted to return her the same favor. But my father was behind her.

"Just what do you think you are doing?!"

That night, they fought through the whole night.

I just thought.

"Oh. This is fun"

For the 1st time in my whole life I found something fun. Yes, the 1st time.

Due to my actions and absence, my father bought me a cat. It was loud so I killed it. Then the dog, then the hamster, then they just gave up on buying me pets. I would always think of some reason on how they died. I couldn't tell them I liked how when they kinda screamed.

So, when the tutors would come in...

I would make them turn away.

Leaving my father and mother the only other option to educate me.

Boarding school.

When I was 15. I got sent into the boarding school. It was a private school, which are usually boarding schools. Unlike other rich boys I was thrilled to get sent into one.

I was away from that annoying mother. But...

Now there were some adults with no real status giving me orders...

So annoying.

It wasn't an only boys school so.

"Hey Pablo is kind of handsome?"

"I know right. His brown hair and eyes are so special!"

To let you know. I have dark brown hair and green eyes. I was told a lot that my Emerald like eyes resemble my mother's, never saw her in color, and my hair kind of resembles my father's. That's why they probably suspect me not being an true Ork, but a bastard child of some sort. And my build, well it was normal. I had height, but I wasn't anything special really. So...

"Ahhh. I wonder how would be to date him." "His family cant reach mine though" I never understand those girls.

So they are annoying.

I want them to go away.

"Hey" I spoke in a normal tone. I didn't want to let them know I'm pissed off. More like "They are giving me a headache."

"Oh sorry." The girls looked at me surprised. Only one of them spoke.

They had sad faces on. I couldn't care less. I would like to see them all cry. Maybe I could mess with them for a bit.

I could only grin on that idea. The fact I didn't think of something like that for so long....

So by the time I was about to graduate. I was considered popular in my school.

People would want to talk to me.

For the first time in my whole life, what my bitch of mother thought me paid off.

I was popular, I had fun ruining people's lives.

Until I mention the rest. For the whole 4 years I haven't visited my mother or father. I couldn't stand idea of them.

I haven't seen them or talked to them for 3 or 4 years. My boarding school didn’t allow parent visits, so I saw them at the day of graduation for the 1st time after 3 years.

"God. You've grown so much Pablo." My mother was standing in front of me. When I was 14 I was still looking up at her, now I have to look down to be able to follow her. She had her hand on my cheek. She was crying. I still didn’t understand it. She was also annoying. But during my time here. Other then good grades and popularity. I gained ability to fake my feelings quiet easily.

Not that I felt any.

I just smiled at my mother. "You've gotten older mother.".

"Well aren’t you mister obvious."

My father was staring at me from the side. He had a grown on his face.

You asshole.

What so I don't take after you anymore so you get all cold with me.

After the graduation ceremony. I returned home. And started collage.

In collage it was the same as high school. This time it wasn't a private school. My father's business was falling apart.

He also held a grudge against me never visiting home.

Like I care.

In collage, I met an interesting girl.

She was from a poor family and liked me.

So we started dating.

It was a good way for me to try out discovering "love".

Since it seems like my mother is planning something. Just to be ready.

One day, she called me drunk and came to visit her.

And we slept together.

And then, the bitch disappeared.

She dare disappear after using my body.

And year later, she appeared. But this time she had a baby with her.

An ugly worm.

BITCH.

Ahh

Annoying.

Annoying.

Annoying. Annoying.

They are all annoying.

She gave the brat to me and left again. Like hell.

"What the hell?! Just what do you think you just did?!" Screamed my mother at me as I was left in a hallway, door just closed with 2 month old baby in my hands.

Tch.

"Now no one would want to wed you! You idiot chil--" next thing I knew was that my grip was on my mother's neck. "You are so annoying and loud. Another word and Ill snap that God damn neck of yours." I let her down.

Baby was just looking at me, she didn't cry. Just stared. That took my interest.

"I will be in my room."

"Pablo! Get back here!" I walked away listening to my mother scream my name as I went up the stairs to my room.

I was 20 when I got my daughter in my hands.

Pretty young.

She was the only quiet one. She cried first few months until she turned one. After that she didn't cry almost at all.

My father and mother didn’t like Lilly one bit. So when she turned one I dropped out of collage and was kicked out of my house.

I saved money over the course of my birthdays from age 18 to 20 and had enough money to get myself a apartment and small job.

.

.

.

Hah.

You think that's the end of my story?

Of course not.

When Lilly turned 2.

I went back to my house. Just to show Lilly her family.

There I met, a boy. He was around 10 years old. Heh. My parents adopted another child. To rise him as their company's successor.

Hahahaha.

Apparently, my father's company got big after I left.

They didn't even bother to tell me, to visit their only son.

I put Lilly down and snapped.

I killed my whole family that night. Oh how?

Simply by strangling them all to death, wouldn't be enough? Well that’s right.

Despite them being worse the horse crap. They did let me in the house.

We were invited to dinner every weekend. So I thought of a better way to kill my family.

I purchased a slow killing poison, I made Lilly put some in my father's tea when he was playing with her. For my mother, when I was showing her off my cooking skills, I cur her wrist open. I could just grin as she bled out. How did I not get found out? Because I had Lilly with me. I would go out of the kitchen "to fetch something" while Lilly would be in kitchen for a little while then start crying or scream. My plan went just as expected.

My father collapsed after being drugged for weeks on the poison, and my mother would be killed in a matter of hour.

All that was left was to get rid of evidence and then act as if I know nothing.

That day staff was out of the house. So Lilly didn’t have to scream or cry. There was a main butler and maid, but they didn't really care, being occupied in their own business.

So I just gave my mother sleeping pills. She probably overdosed. And the fiasco with my father went as planned.

So my dirty Step Brother, he too was a sleep. All that was left was to...

Bam. Put the house on fire. That's what I did. And...

"The big cooperation of the Ork family has fell under, due to the whole family's death. The whole house was burned to the ground by, how it seems, a mistake from one of maids. She used the fire lamp trying to light the rock over in the kitchen, burning the whole house down. Fire started in the kitchen  making the staff fall unconscious due to the smoke. When the family noticed the fire it was already too late."

I was staring at the screen with grin on my face. Lilly in my lap looking at the screen. Lilly was smiling,

The first words she every said were papa.

After that she never spoke again.

She was smiling this time and seemed really exited. "Papa! We do that again?!" Didn’t expect her to react that way.

"Did you find that fun?"

Lilly nodded at my question.

She is truly my daughter.

I put my hand on her head.

"Of course, well kill lots and lots of annoying people again."

"Yes!"

And so

My killing spree as a Black Demon began. Yes. My nickname is only black. I wonder who is the worst in our duo? I gave my precious angel a teddy bear, in teddy bear there was poison. Every time we go to kill.... We are always ready.

Hope you liked them. I'm planning on changing their names , but I don’t now in what.

If you have a suggestion please do tell me.

[affectiondeficitdisorder]

A Star Is Born-Again

As I predicted, A STAR IS BORN is a blockbuster hit, never mind the fact that it sends a terrible message to all the potential love addicts out there. (See my previous blog post on the subject here.) But I can’t be too hard on Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. After all, my whole life I’ve been given horrible messages from star-crossed onscreen romances – messages that might not damage a reasonable person, but can send an unreasonable obsessive like myself pursuing a bad idea straight to the gates of insanity or death.

I’m not blaming the movies; much of this is in the eye of the beholder. One person can watch LEAVING LAS VEGAS and swear off drinking; another sits through the same screening and decides to grow up to be Nicolas Cage’s suicidal alcoholic or Elizabeth Shue’s self-destructive prostitute. Because they’re so, you know, tragic and misunderstood. And sexy; don’t forget sexy. 

Here, then, is a litany of cinematic woe for those unable to control and enjoy their love lives. The list is weighted for blockbusters and recent releases, because I only had so much space and it was too depressing to consider watching every Doris Day-Rock Hudson movie ever made. Feel free to chime in with your particular favorite.

Caution: Some spoilers ahead, but my guess is you’ve probably seen these movies already, maybe more than once. (Also note, a version of this column was previously printed in Substance Magazine.)

1. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934) A rebellious heiress and an out-of-work newspaperman fall for each other while she’s running away to elope with another man. “I don’t know very much about him, except that I love him,” says rich girl Claudette Colbert about penniless reporter Clark Gable. I still adore this movie classic, but I did finally figure out that relationships work better when you’re actually acquainted with the person.

2. LOVE STORY (1970) A rich boy and a poor girl fall in love as Harvard undergrads; he defies his family to marry her. Their perfect life is cut short by her fatal illness. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” young Ali McGraw tells young Ryan O’Neal, because if you truly love someone you will never hurt or disappoint them in the first place. This is a terrible lesson to teach a love addict; we already expect you to read our minds and then resent you when you can’t.

3. PRETTY WOMAN (1990) A wealthy businessman hires a prostitute to pose as his girlfriend at a social event, then falls in love with her. In the original script, the tart-with-a-heart (Julia Roberts) was tossed back onto the street when her hooker duties were over, and Richard Gere’s part was going to be played by Danny DeVito. But no, you want the fairy tale….

4. REALITY BITES (1994) A recent college grad has to decide between her erratic, creative housemate and an ardent, stable television executive. When someone tells you, “I may do mean things, and I may hurt you, and I may run away without your permission, and you may hate me forever…” believe them. They know themselves better than you do. Run. Even if he looks like Ethan Hawke, or she looks like Winona Ryder.

5. JERRY MAGUIRE (1996) A single mom and a volatile football player are the only ones who stand by a once-successful sports agent. “You complete me,” Tom Cruise tells Renee Zellweger. Oh, please. We are not half-people, flopping around the planet waiting for some perfect puzzle piece to make us whole. That way lies madness.

6. SIX DAYS SEVEN NIGHTS (1998) A Manhattan fashion journalist is stranded on a South Pacific island with a crusty bush pilot; danger and romance ensue. The Harrison Ford part in this opposites-attract romantic adventure has been played by everyone from Humphrey Bogart to Keanu Reeves. They all represent the fantasy fixer-upper. But how will Anne Heche’s thirtysomething magazine editor really feel in 10 years, stuck with a 66-year-old boyfriend and no running water?

7. ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (2004) Joel and Clementine try to heal their broken hearts by literally forgetting about one another. There’s a phenomenon in recovery known as “euphoric recall.” The idea is that we only remember the good things about drinking and using, never the bad. Substitute “failed relationship” for “drinking and using,” and you’ve got yourself a Jim Carrey/Kate Winslet movie.

8. THE NOTEBOOK (2004) An elderly man reads to an Alzheimer’s patient out of a notebook. It’s the love story of a rich girl and a poor boy in 1940’s South Carolina. We all desire the devotion Gena Rowlands enjoys after 60 years of marriage. Sadly, your deliciously dramatic, obsessive, rebellious adolescent-type relationship generally burns out long before that. Ryan Gosling is no more likely to grow up to be James Garner than a red Ferrari is going to grow up into a reliable pick-up truck.

9. CRAZY STUPID LOVE (2011) A jilted husband asks a notorious womanizer to teach him how to pick up chicks, not realizing the guy has picked up his own daughter. This time, Ryan Gosling is a player. Always has been a player. Gives player lessons to other men. But one deep-and-meaningful night with Emma Stone and he instantly turns into the loyal lover you long for. In AA terms, that’s called denial: “Yes, but… this time, it will be different!”

10. SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK (2012) An ex-mental patient, hoping to reunite with his estranged wife, falls for a beautiful but disturbed young widow. No, pairing a depressive sex addict (Jennifer Lawrence) with a bipolar love addict (Bradley Cooper) does not make them both all better. Trust me; I’ve been there.

[lewis-faith]

Trip 2. Day 4 started off with transporting 2 families from one hotel another. Someone who is rather generous or just has the right connections is putting them up in a country club just 5 mins from their previously very basic surroundings. The person who met us also donated a few hundred Zlotys of food vouchers to help us feed the Ukrainians. Although they will be fed at the country club this only started in the evening so I offered to take them for lunch. Being a bit remote the only option was a very well known fast food chain that I was last in about 10 years ago. It was fast but not all that cheap, especially by Polish standards, anyway it did the job and everyone seemed happy enough.

Our Warsaw coordinator has fallen ill so it is now mostly myself and Nick setting up things in Warsaw and dealing various jobs that turn up.

After lunch I took Visal and Inne and their kids back to the visa office for another round of the UK visa lottery. I also brought along another family who needed biometrics for a 6 month year old baby. The rest of the baby's family has had visas for a while and they have been dealing with lots mixed messages about the baby. First it didn't need biometrics, then it did, then it didn't etc, etc. Why a 6 month old baby needs biometrics taking in an emergency situation I will never know. They at least finished within an hour and I took them back to the hotel.

Hours later Visal and Inne were finished. Earlier I had learned that Inne's sons visa was there but his date of birth was incorrect so the visa was voided. Really so defeating to have mistakes like that cause such problems, we have no idea how long it will take to resolve, maybe another week or even longer. More expense and time for us to look after them when they could have been flying to the UK today.

Sadly even worse was Visal's day. He has been waiting 6 weeks for his family's visas and only one boy has be left to get his, for around a week. Visal checks every day, waiting 2-3 hours in the visa office with his kids. I went to pick them up and he was very emotional to finally have the final visa in his hands. But we had to break the bad news that a single letter in the boys surname was wrong, thus voiding the visa. Maybe we could have tried sending him through customs, but it probably would have been even more stressful to get that far and be turned away. So like Inne he again has an unknown wait infront of him.

I spoke to an English man at the visa office who was advising Visal. He tells me the visas are typed out by hand before being printed, and apparently nothing is crosschecked, so this explains the large proportion of issues we are witnessing. It's one thing having an unnecessarily convoluted entry system, adding into that human error that is then rigidly enforced just leads to total misery for the refugees and creates a huge backlog that prevents us taking on anymore people. It is really beyond words how bad it is.

After dropping the families back to their hotel we went back to our hotel and bumped into Mike who was dropping off some people.  They were going to be leaving Poland the next day. One of them was a lady I had helped secure pet passports for some weeks ago, it was nice to see her again especially with the end of the halfway house situation in sight.

[falconsandfishes]

platonic relationship

i have a bone to pick with plato. see the socratic method is basically the scene in montynpython in which a woman is weighed against a peice of wood to determine if she is a witch. and this is pretty much also the measurement system women use for me judge a cardio junkie by his ability to withstand smoke fumes. ive been up all night listening to eminem because i wish that i had the mysogny that he had because logically i should be mad at these females who lie to me but apparently developmentally theyre limited. 

so pretty much i just want my neck not to hurt and my side and platonic love isn really the kind which could support my lumbar spine but if you think im angry you are right and maybe if i rhyme my brain will work this time and ill finally be able to explain was never targeted at my objects of affections at all i like to walk around the mall see a cutie with a skirt on and she sees me looking at her tells her grandmother to leave her there because this place looks fun as she smiles at me there comes abu my friend who judges me and judges you and as i stare at her i can tell she wants me too probably more emotionally mature than my mom and a virgin with her skirt on and its workun but i have the confidence of a plastic bag floating in the wind shes cheesing while i hide behind her even though shes 4 11 and im 6 4 and because he was there i didnt pass because i dont cross paths but even thinking about having a girlfriend makes him mad. if shes too young for me i would have figured that out but it doesnt help that no matter how young or how old even the weather lady im told shes not right for me so will you make up your mind please can someone define maturity because apparently there is a reverse correlation between it and age and socrates was no sage im not really impressed that he drank poison similarly i smoke weed which takes me back to age three and birthday parties then i think about how much my life failed but only because everyone always stood in front of me. so snitch on me when i talk to you when youre in front of me at your desk and say your story about butterflies is the best begging middle and end. meawhile i havent even gotten to the first page of my legend of the sword it had a much more compliated plot which was cut off. then tell me i didnt count to tenthousand while you were listening to the teacher say the is spelled t h e and put me in a remedial reading class with a bunch of girls and address us as the girls so we can read books about a mouse who lives with his family in a house but if girls and boys are the same how can you explain i was the only one in that group to be bumped up to the advanced on by 2nd grade. i guess reading the encylopedia of animals wasnt a wase memorized their latin names bufo sativa phylobates. so by third grade i was getting so good at math that they took me out of class and had me testing material meant for 5th graders and it was really lame how can i explain all the flaws in the system to all the other people who were also ruined by it.

finally one girl who was definitely old enough for me waved at me when i looked at her and i got a boner and walked over to the ladies at the tea shop who looked at me with a disgusted look on their faces then some gangster looking dude older than i am replaces me with his hand on her shoulder.

before i was 18 i could beat up my dad and ever since then i knew not many people in my generation had much of a chance against me but i looked so thin they were not understanding. high iq causing depression have anothe smoke session even though you have athsma everyone remember to complain that i prefer to get high off one big hit i stayed in high school till i graduated but i left.

unfortunately with brain damage i could still make straight as which made me think i was ok gpa jumping above 3.68 when i only show up an agerage of 3 days.

practice your sky hook do your pushups get embaressed when an asian princess sees you do them 20 hanlaps perfect form and im not even a jock wow id better stop. next thing the girl i like is sitting on my lap in class telling me she likes me back shes sitting on my desk shes rubbing my face my life isnt gay justnsaynsomehing and youll get laid.

nah ill let some kid with adhd steal her seat and ill help him with math instead because i didnt tell her this but im alread braindead. my soul probably died with my pet lizard or my kitten perhaps it was internet addiction. 

what makes you think youll be make it as a porn star? you know im hot. well maybe i just didnt want you to act like a slut. i still remember the blonde who waves at me and smiled my freshman year it was clear that the world was my oyster the only problem was i couldn make my own choices.

i wanted to be an actor but i was so good at acting nobody got it. was so good at debating everyone liked to argue. was so succinct couldnt get the last word. so fast nobody would pass me the ball so dominant in wrestling i had to pretend i couldnt win just to have a friend.

pretty much i feel like the last cro magonon stuck on an island without charlotte saisselin bounce baby bounce three story house you look so cute in a blouse. hey look theres charlottes stalker i think il wave my arms around.

bounce baby is a reference to eigth grade i was watching a 100 meter race and then some black guy said that she never raced again. weed turned her from a goth into a wigger and after that i figured id become one too but it wasnt till 2009 i started to dress like you. what happened was i got some clothes from olympia sports to wear as warmups on the basketball court and to work as a salesman i shaved my head smiled knowing i was dead but still i couldnt even say i wanted to kiss  girl without that not being cool enough for my nephew and her bowl broke too

it fell from her car on the pavement and she said that he didnt even get to hit it.

so now im living in my dads room on the floor and finally my back isnt sore i have a well paying job im away from mom i have iron lungs and dad still doesnt approve because now i play too much basketball.

hi im interested in going to california. i meant connecticut but califonia will do since its warm there. sure steve come on out west but read the fine print your 20s are dead.

prove you wrong shame on me. dont prove you wrong brag proudly. stay out west and let your dad die. watch him act like an asshole at home back east one more time. your reward for having surived on the street for years as a middle clas kid

your friend says he thought you were dead. by the way he has this girlfriend in connectiut. oh you were the one who set him up with her? theres a whole website or three centered around her? 

better get you to spend your money on heroin and make you seem like a jerk in front of my dad. my excuse is im skitzophrenic.

all because my dad shamed me for growing up even crazier than him. thats why i called up my friend and asked him to date my girlfriend. 

there must have been something in those amphetamines which made me keep stopping at her house. i found them up on the shelf years after i tried to spill them out.

it was the first time an adult had ever called me immature. he also said my handwriting was bad and i needed a cure. talking to him i began to get red where even to begin? i have a lot of prblems at home and this isnt fair. see my dad camps in the yard and gets drunk watches us through windows andmy sister punches me in the head. mom pretty much works till shes in bed.

every day she watches the same soap opera and oprah which i record for her on tape. my sisters friends call me gay so i go over and play with the kids from the other neighorhood all day. 

one of them listens to a lot of eminem. his favorite song is if you dont like it you can suck my dick. hes in reform school and proud to be off his meds. when i talk about biking down a steep hill and blending into traffic he thinks i meannliterall blend in.

two gay twin brothers end of the road honor roll kids. play baseball and have alcoholic parents. hey ill tell the girl steve likes he likes her then she will never talk to him again. accept his chalenge to a fight and he will bang my head into a tree which is the same thing i did to another kid who tried to jump me but got sperated from his friends. 

refuse to dance with the only girl in middle school who has hips. make fun of the girls intelligence who sits next to you in math and has giant tits. refuse to eat candy off the first girls tounge then your science teacher who pushed pills on you flips on the tv its 911

stare at a girl all day and say you dont like her. girls think youre gay if you have a boner. telll me a calculator doesnt mattrer for a test but i do worse without one. make a flag pencil it isnt cool enough for the other kids.

sit with the retarded kids timmy and jimmy. watch nick all night fresh prince and bill cosby.

your sister wont stop torturing you so hold her at knife point. buy knives at school try to resell them and for the first time ever the kids you sold them to ge caught witth knives.

stay in the program with three teachers who gave up on you. one leaves to become a dean suddenly your grades go up. kids are jealous because you dont do homework. girls smile at you knowing that your test scores are high despite that.

throw shotput as far as a high school kid without any exercise or practice. run around the track dozens of times in pants you still arent good enough yet.

go to an alternative program reluctantly in high school its sort of like jail. everyone smells like cigarettes the air is stale. this isnt good for you but we will make you think if you leave you will fail.

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveys 062.

What battery percentage is your phone on right now? It’s at 55%

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Yeppppppppppp

Who did you last talk to and what did you say? i sent a comma to kile. I can’t communicate to him anymore but it’s kind of my way of saying I’m here presently and available to read your messages. it probably annoys him and I should stop. 

What's your favourite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yes. many times.

How far do you live from New York City? uhhhhh google says 12.5 hours. not too bad.

How often do you talk to your parents? mom usually every day. dad maybe 2x a year

What was the weather like in your town today? lets google. it was 92 today

Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? talk to me goose, comin’ in hot, that’s ridiculous, sup homie

How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? ehgghghg

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah, many times.

What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? serendipity 

What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? I would say John

Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily, but every couple days.

What accent do you have? midwestern.

What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? It varies. usually a tree scent of some sort

Have you ever dated a model? No.

What's the best job you've ever had? hmm. babysitting an infant for like 2 hours 3x a week and making like 260 bucks a week.

How about the worst? nannying for a family where the dad was constantly trying to hit on me.

Do you have naturally straight hair? No, pretty curly.

What is your ultimate goal in life? To continuously find beauty in every day 

Have you ever visited someone in prison? nope

What months were you and your siblings born in? july, august, august, january

Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? ahahhahahaha ummm a few of them. i am often in a “forgot your password?” situation

What are your three favourite vegetables? broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes

How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? its SEVERELY decreased since not being on my phone with kile. looking at my phone usually brings me sadness, because i seldom have any word from him. so I just leave it alone.

When was the last time you had a blocked nose? idk.. 5-6 months ago

Who is your favourite comedian? I am not really sure, I dont follow many comedians

What colour are the socks you're wearing today? havent worn any yet

What did you have for dinner last night? steak

What was the last concert you went to? I want to say relient k

Are you an ugly crier? not really no

What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? I’m on vacation so the scent is like a lavendarish scent which is not my style at all.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? kind of. -.- not by choice.

Who do you live with? mom & gram

What letter does your street name begin with? numbers

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely I do.

When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? A few weeks ago.

What's your favourite Popsicle flavour? blue

Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? i havent got a clue. I never go on FB

Do you have any injuries at the moment? yes. one of which is my shoulder and its reallyyyyyyy bugging me

Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? the eye dr i used to go to was both opthamologist and optometrist so yes

Do you own any animal print clothes? oh probably.

Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? im tall. I would, maybe it’d be less off-putting to others

When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? gosh, like a week ago.

Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? just the same ones ive watched for years

Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? uhhh, no I can’t say I have. 

Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place? somewhat.

What's your favourite sweet treat to bake? my infamous cookies

Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested? ill be real honest, I am so slow to fall for someone that it takes some time for me.

What did you have for breakfast today? toast (gf) and eggs

Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Sweet

Do you like chick-flicks? heck���n yea

Have you ever taken an acting class? no. not interested

When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? yesterday

How often do you use Youtube? seldom. 

What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween? i dont really do that.

Are you ignoring anyone right now? yeah :( </3

How do you usually style your hair? It’s always up in a messy bun. especially with the heat. but I might chop it off this fall idk.

Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope. i wonder if kile will ever get his

Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? more times than I could count.

When was the last time you used a stove? tonight with a GF zucchini pizza

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? mushrooms

Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m laying on my bed.

How many hours per week do you typically work? --

What was the last pill or tablet you took? probably headache meds or tummy meds on the day of my flight

How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? like 1.4 miles

Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope.

Who was the last person you complimented? uhhh maybe a sibling

Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty? I WISH

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? im trying not to, but im not successful yet

The age old question: dogs or cats? STOP ASKING ME TO MAKE A DECISION ON THIS

When was the last time you saw your best friend? ugh. i don’t think ill ever see him. He sent me a picture today, it was really nice to see his face.

Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? nope.

Are you tired right now? eh, not terribly.

Do you like spring rolls? I do.

What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? street

How many purses or handbags do you own? like 5

Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? no. some of them I never ever developed relationships with because their parents hated my dad.

Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear? Yeah gahhhh i hate that

When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? uhhh yesterday I think

What's your favourite type of curry? None.

Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? not often

Have you ever had casual sex? Noooooooo. not my thing

What was the last thing you paid for with cash? clothes

What's the last letter of your middle name? h

If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer? Nope. I hardly answer for numbers I know

How long is your hair? middle of my back

What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that? Millie. I didn’t have anything to do with that, I was a baby.

Do you drink diet or regular soda? diet. I don’t like the taste of regular.

Have you ever been to Europe? No, but I’d love to go.

Do you worry about your own health? I try not to.

Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? family. 

Can you smell anything right now? Not at the moment, no

How old were you when you got your first cell phone? I was 18 or 19

When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? ooo boy, its been a minute. I need new shoes, and I also need to get rid of old shoes.

Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? not at all. maybe I need to revisit them.

Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yep yep

Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? colder always.

How tall are your highest heels? I have like 4″ heels but I shouldn’t be wearing them anymore

What's your favourite flavour of frosting? omfg i want frosting so bad. any flavor

When did you wake up today? I fell asleep around 430am and then woke up around 545 my time. 

Do you change your appearance often? I mean, hair color yeah.

What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb? Green

How many people do you work with? --

What was the last thing you ate? piece of chocolate.

Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? either this or sleeping

Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? people have definitely made comments about my weight before. just leave me aloneeeeeeeeee.

---- i wish i really was the most important thing on the planet to you. :( maybe then you’d have picked me? </3

[foundcarcosa]

ccxi.

1. Do your parents ever encourage you to hang out with people that you don’t like? >> He was invested in me making black friends. I wasn’t as interested in that when I was a teenager. I didn’t dislike them, I just didn’t have anything in common with the (alarmingly few) other black kids in my high school at the time. But by this time in my life, I think I understand what he was trying to do. It just didn’t work.

2. Would you think it was odd if someone got fabric paint to decorate their underwear? >> Well, sure, but I’m not one to judge.

3. Do you ever stalk old friends? >> Nah.

4. What year was your worst school picture taken? >> The one I remember best was in ninth grade.

5. What made it the worst? >> I... really don’t know what my face was doing. But I must forgive myself. That was a very tumultuous time in my life.

6. Do you think you could count all the freckles on your body? >> I don’t have any.

7. Do you ever crave a good cuddling? >> Sure.

8. Which of your friends has the coolest siblings? >> ---

9. Are you ever greedy? >> Sure.

10. How much would you pay someone if you never had to go to school again? >> You don’t have to pay me to do what I was already planning on doing.

11. Would you like to be home schooled? >> The opportunity for that is long past, but I want to unschool any child I raise.

12. Would you like to go to an all girls [or if you’re a boy then all boys] school? >> I wouldn’t want to go to any gender-segregated school.

13. Why or why not? >> I don’t see the purpose of dividing a student body based upon... well, the students’ bodies.

14. Is your school’s band any good? >> ---

15. Do you have a favorite lyric from any song >> I have a lot of favourites, but let me see if I can pull one up at random... Ah. “My soul brings tears to angelic eyes” is still a favourite of mine (God Called in Sick Today, AFI). Unfortunately, I just noticed that for some reason half of my digital copy of Black Sails in the Sunset is just... missing. So now I have to download a new copy, but TPB never completely recovered the seeder-ship that it used to have, so I’m stuck on “connecting to peers 0.0%”. :/

16. Who is the biggest attention whore that you know? >> I mean, probably someone in the Cluster B Discord.

17. Is your life no longer enjoyable? >> False.

18. Did you get to see your friends as often as you would have liked to? >> Aside from Sparrow, my entire social circle is online, so I guess I see them as often as they log in.

19. Does orange sherbet sound good right now? >> Not really.

20. Would black hair look good or bad on you? >> I’m sure it’d look fine on me. I’d prefer something more complementary to my colouring, though.

21. Are you on anyone’s hero box on myspace? >> ---

22. Who has the biggest eyes that you know of? >> I’m not sure.

23. Do your wrists ever hurt from typing too much >> No, surprisingly. Probably because I’ve been typing since I was very small.

24. What can you imagine as being the worst thing that could happen to you right now? >> Me falling violently -- like ER-level -- ill at any point today.

25. How many times did you go swimming this summer >> Zero.

26. Have you ever been to a hard rock cafe? >> I’ve been to the one in Times Square, back in 2006. I found it to be a sad sort of place -- overpriced and terribly commercial, lacking in personality. I’d rather go to literally any trashy bar on the LES. Or Duff’s, which boasts an extensive hard-rock history. 27. When was the last time someone called your cell-phone and you didn’t know them? >> The other day. I think it’s still people calling for whomever had this number before me. I haven’t even set up my voicemail on this phone yet because no one calls for me and I don’t feel like getting holiday-related voicemails meant for that other person.

28. Do you hate it when people overuse the phrase ‘lol?’ >> No.

29. Do you ever have those weird little dreams where you’re like half awake? >> Yes, all the time.

30. Do you ever push your pillow off the bed? >> No.

31. What’s more important to you living it up or getting good grades? >> ---

32. What do you think of little children? Annoying as hell or cute? >> I’m pretty fond of children, even when they’re annoying. I imagine it’d be a little different if said child was mine, since I’d never get a break. :p

33. Is there any song that makes you think of your dad? >> Anything by Marvin Gaye, since that’s his favourite singer. (I can honestly see why, his songs are timeless and his voice is lovely.)

34. Do you ever look for comfort in surveys? >> Not really. Mostly for space to think.

35. Do you like frogs? >> Sure, they’re neat as hell.

36. Have you had any really bad experiences while plucking your eyebrows? >> No.

37. Who of your friends acts the most like a prep? >> Can anyone even be a prep once they’ve long passed adolescence...

38. Is the whole prep thing overrated anyway? >> Probably. I wouldn’t know.

39. What’s up with Fergie’s song Big Girls Don’t Cry? >> I don’t know, I’m not familiar with that song.

40. Is it hard to stay friends with someone when one of your close friends hates them? >> It’s difficult when the hating friend doesn’t want anyone else to hang out with said hated friend, or when hating!friend trash-talks hated!friend all the time. When your social circle is closer to a single circle than a venn diagram (or two separate circles), it becomes messy after a while.

41. Have you ever read The Outsiders? >> I read almost all of it sometime in high school, then I dropped it and never picked it back up again. Maybe one day I’ll give it a try again, but it’s not a priority.

42. What did you think of it? >> I guess I didn’t much care for it, since I never finished it.

43. What does your backpack/messenger bag/whatever you use for school look like? >> I don’t go to school, but I have three backpacks. One is a tiny black Jansport for carrying small things hands-free, one is a tropical-print regular-sized backpack for carrying Normandy when I take it places, and the third is a heavy-duty black laptop bag (that one was for Heimdall, which is a fair bit bigger than Normandy).

44. Where did you last go shopping at? >> Meijer.

45. Would it be weird if a person’s real name was Cheeto? >> Well, sure.

46. Is there anyone you want to give a hug to? >> Aside from Xibalbans, I’m not sure. I haven’t initiated a hug in a very long time.

47. What is the difference between giving and receiving a hug? >> Initiation. Also, a hug you give is definitely one you desire. A hug you receive sometimes is just one you tolerate, lol.

48. What are you listening to right now? >> Christmas Canon Rock, Trans-Siberian Orchestra. God, I’m so hype for tonight. (I didn’t choose that song on purpose, though, iTunes is on shuffle.)

49. Do any of your friends have the same name as any of your family members? >> I mean, maybe. 50. Have you seen Talladega Nights? >> Yes.

51. If so what was your favorite scene in it? >> For some reason, “shut up, you little pot-licker, or I’ll put you in the microwave” is a line that punched me right in the funny bone, so I still remember it. I haven’t seen the movie in years, though, so I don’t remember any other favourite parts. I should rewatch it and see if I still find it as funny as I did.

52. How often do you paint your nails? >> Not very often. High effort, low return (the varnish starts chipping pretty fast because of how often and to what ends I use my hands). I might do them today.

53. Have you ever taken a picture of you kissing someone? >> Sure.

54. If you are one of those people who’s always single do you ever long for someone to sit around and take pictures of while kissing? >> ---

55. Can I buy you a ‘drank?’ >> ---

56. If you know what song I’m referring to, why do you think T-Pain says drank and not drink? >> Dialect.

57. How come boys never take surveys? >> They do. Just not as often, I suppose. I wouldn’t know why.

58. What is the last thing you did on powerpoint? >> ---

59. Do your grandparents know what myspace is? >> ---

60. When’s the last time you sprinted? >> I don’t remember.

[janyolski]

Fic: The One With The Dog Mom and The Hot Vet

Chapter 4: The One Where Their Worlds Get Smaller

Link to the whole story on FFN | AO3  | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Summary: AU. Cosima is a crazy loving dog mom and Delphine is a crazy hot veterinarian. Cosima is also super gay. Other characters make pop in!

Cosima hums and taps her boots on the tiled floors of the clinic/hospital lobby. She was asked to wait outside as the doctor finishes her tests on the sick puppy, so they can finally find out what caused the illness.

Delphine walks out after Cosima finishes humming half of "Distant Travelers" by Mike Love (which in her mind she insists that the song was in no way inspired by her meeting the magnificent Dr. Cormier). The doctor takes off her gloves and addresses the pet owner as she stands.

"Well, Ms. Niehaus…"

Delphine starts before she was interrupted by the brunette.

"Just Cosima is fine."

Delphine nods and smiles.

"Yes, well… Cosima. I'm happy to tell you that it is definitely not the parvo virus."

Cosima exhales a sigh of relief, although she hasn't really been worried and upset since the doctor arrived.

"However, Pancho has some form of food poisoning. Did he ingest anything potentially poisonous, in the last 24 hours?"

Cosima's eyes widen and she racks her brain for any possible scenario that her beloved pup could have eaten anything to make him this ill.

"I, uh… I… No. No, there's just no way. His space is clear and I've only ever fed him dog food, treats, and boiled vegetables that are healthy for dogs. His sitters also strictly follows the list of things he can eat. It's just not possible."

Delphine purses her lips and also thinks of situations she can suggest to help the once again distraught pet owner.

"Well, did you change anything in his diet recently? Like the brand or type of dog food you feed him?"

Cosima looks at the doctor as if a lightbulb went off in her head.

"Actually, yeah. The grocery store at the corner ran out of lamb-flavored dry puppy food. I bought him pork-flavored ones instead. He started vomiting a little after he ate earlier."

"Ah. Pancho is most probably allergic to pork, then. Dogs, especially puppies, can vomit and have diarrhea from eating food they are allergic to and be considered food poisoning."

The pet owner slaps a hand to her face which surprises the doctor.

"Damn. So stupid!"

Delphine touches Cosima's shoulder and rubs her thumb over it briefly, trying to comfort her. This is an uncharacteristically soft gesture from the usually professional doctor.

"Well, it's not your fault. He is just allergic to pork. Like how some humans are just allergic to peanuts. You don't know it until you get sick."

Cosima nods, her scientific brain kicking in knowing that the doctor is a hundred percent correct. She still somehow feels at fault, however, because she was the one who fed her pup the cause for his illness.

The doctor hands her the prescription.

"This is the medication you need to give him and just keep him on an IV for all the fluids he lost. You can take him home soon."

Cosima smiles and accepts the piece of paper, looking down to hide another growing blush. She appreciated the doctor's attempts at comforting her.

"Alright. Thanks, doc."

"You're welcome. Bring him in again if there are any other problems. My phone number and the clinic's are also printed there. Au revoir."

Cosima thinks she has now developed a thing for french women; specifically, hot french women in fields of science. She's glad and thankful that she actually listened in French class in high school and that she doesn't sound like a cawing parrot trying to impress the doctor when she speaks french.

"Au revoir, Dr. Cormier."

"Heeeyy, Mrs. S!"

Cosima greets the Irish woman who was behind the cash register at the grocery the woman owned. The young woman moves to give the older woman a big hug. The hug is returned in equal warmth.

"Oh, hello, chicken! And hello to you, Pancho."

The older woman gives the puppy a good rub under the chin, making his tail wag and his hind leg thump. The pet owner chuckles.

"We're just here on a quick evening trip to pick up some dog food. Got any more lamb?"

"Yes, we do. I told Benjamin to never forget to restock it again. Wouldn't want to get Pancho here to get sick again, now, would we?"

Mrs. S. smiles warmly at her, looks at Pancho, then suddenly remembers something.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, love, that Kira and I adopted a dog three weeks ago."

Upon hearing this, Cosima's eyes lit up like christmas lights.

"No way! What's his name? When can Pancho and I meet him?"

The irish woman laughed. Of course, nothing makes Cosima happier and giddier than puppies and dogs.

"His name is Babu. We rescued him actually. You remember our neighbors that moved out? Well, they left him behind, tied to his dog house, without food or water."

"Oh no…"

"We suddenly heard howling and it was so faint we weren't sure what it was. Kira told me she had a bad feeling and convinced me to check it. The poor boy was weak and hungry when we found him, all alone there."

Cosima's heart breaks for the poor dog.

"I can't believe people can be so cruel."

"Yeah. We took him to the vet immediately. He's recovering right now and has a better appetite."

Cosima smiles.

"That's great. Maybe I can drop Pancho one day and it can be a playdate."

Mrs. S. chuckles.

"Sounds like a great idea."

"Okay, Mrs. S, I better let you get back to work. A grocery store won't run itself."

Mrs. S nods and expels a breath..

"That it doesn't, chicken. That it doesn't."

[books-on-the-brain]

So I used to read a whole bunch, but then I took a small break so that I could have an actual social life. Now I'm trying to get back into it but I've tried to... I just can't get into it. Do you have any suggestions of what I could do to get back into wanting to read more?

bI relate to this SO. MUCH. It’s always hard to find a good reading/life balance, since reading can often be a very isolating activity. It’s also really difficult around this time of year for younger readers, too, since a lot of us are getting back into the swing of it with school and such and find that we have much less time to be reading what we want. So without further ado…

How I cure “reader’s block”/being in a book rut!!!

1) First of all, there’s literally no shame in reading something because it’s short and you know you can get through it, or reading something you might consider a “beach read.” If it’s less daunting for you to pick up a 70-page romance novella than Tolstoy that is perfectly!!! okay!!! What matters is that you’re still reading and it’s making you happy, not that you have gained all the answers to the universe by reading a dry and endless classic.

2) Another good option is to reread something you know you really love/want to revisit. I find it’s typically easier to read something for the second or third time and if it’s been a while, then you’ll still be surprised by little things here and there and get the warm nostalgia fuzzies. For me, one of my old favorites to revisit is Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I always read it at the beginning of the summer when I’m switching from all academic reading to personal reading (f i n a l l y) because I’m familiar enough with the story that it goes pretty quickly, but I still really love it.

3) In a similar vein, I find it really fun when I don’t want to sit down and read seriously to go back to some of my old favorites from childhood! For example, I loved the Deltora books by Emily Rodda when I was a kid and had some fun the other day going back through some of them and reminiscing. It has the potential to remind you of your love for stories and also in my case, it reminded my why I fell in love with fantasy at a young age and why I’m still so passionate about it! Reading children’s/middle grade/YA books is always acceptable and so much fun at any age.

4) This Barnes and Noble Reader article also suggests reading about books if you can’t actually read a book. As they explain it, find book blogs (like those on tumblr!) that speak to your interests and get you excited about picking up books. Other people’s enthusiasm goes a long way in encouraging you to also pick up a book to read!

5) If you can, find other avid readers and friends who you feel comfortable sitting in silence with! One of my favorite memories ever is sitting on my friend’s back porch and trading the books of the KARE First Love manga series back and forth. We played peaceful music in the background and so we were spending time as friends AND getting reading done. This lead us to discuss our favorite scenes and how we felt about certain translations (literally just because we like how to guy asked the main girl out in the online scantalation better than the printed book rip). But we ended up really getting into this series that in all honesty is kind of silly (despite the soft spot I have in my heart for it) and we joke about it all the time. Reading and socializing in one!

6) And speaking of manga…it’s always a great bridge for getting back into reading when it’s been a while, as are graphic novels! If you haven’t ever tried manga or graphic novels and don’t think it’s your rap at least give them a chance! I thought I hated them until I read Fullmetal Alchemist and fell in l o v e! You’re getting a story and doing some reading, but the pictures really help to ease you in so that you’re not necessarily devoting the same attention that you would be with a novel that’s just pages of text. As such, each volume is pretty quick depending on how long you linger on the drawings. If you already do love manga/graphic novels, then try picking up a new series you’ve been interesting in or rereading a series you already know you like!

Here are some graphic novel recommendations!

Nimona by Noelle Stevenson (a story that does a fun take on the idea of the “bad guy” - it actually gave me way more feels than expected, and I loved the art style)

The new Ms. Marvel series written by G. Willow Wilson and illustrated by Adrian Alphona (so do not confuse this with the old Ms. Marvel, this one is better in my opinion because our hero is your average teenage Muslim girl living in Jersey City and it’s refreshing, amazing, adds diversity to the typically white/male dominated world of superheroes, and I am unabashedly in love with one of the main characters, Bruno)

Umbrella Academy written by Gerard Way and illustrated by Gabriel Ba (this does another more twisted/dark take on the idea of the superhero story, if that’s something more up your alley. It’s the first book of a series I’ve really been loving lately, plus I trust Gerard Way’s taste in comics unequivocally and he wrote it so that’s a yes in my book!)

American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang (the intertwining stories of an American-Chinese boy trying to figure out his place in the world and the Monkey King of Chinese fable)

I did not include a special section for manga recommendations because most of what I read is probably not the sort of stuff to dive into after having reader’s block. Overall, the realm of shoujo might be a good place to look (things like Skip Beat!, Blue Spring Ride, Fruits Basket, and Kimi ni Todoke. Ouran High School Host Club and Dengeki Daisy were ones I really enjoyed too.)I also recently read Orange which is a fairly short series and easy to read - I loved it but major depression/suicide/mental illness tws there.In terms of shonen, Hunter x Hunter would be a good one because not only is it amazing, but it’s broken up into shorter yet very distinct story arcs which I feel would be easier if you’re trying to get back into reading. If someone has some more recs tho, please add!

7) Another variation of manga/graphic novels is online webtoons, which are basically digitized comics. I have recently discovered them and think they’re the best. things. ever. If you’re like me and you have a horrible habit of lying in bed scrolling absently through your phone before going to bed and after waking up, this might be good for you. I have slowly been replacing my mindless Facebook scrolling with scrolling through webtoons, which has been so amazing for my mental health! My favorite app is literally just called Webtoon or maybe Line Webtoon (the icon in the app store is a green speech bubble that says “Webtoon”).

For most webtoons, chapters are generally pretty short so it doesn’t take a lot of focus but once again, you’re still reading, and you’re still getting a good story, all while laying fetal position like you might while scrolling through Facebook or texting people before bed. Not to mention you’re supporting amazingly talented artists/individuals who are oftentimes not published and doing this for fun or with the hopes of eventually being published, so you can say you followed them from the start! Also since they update only a few times a week, it gives you something to look forward to on random days.

Here are my favorite story-oriented webtoons currently:

Assassin Roommate by Monica Gallagher. Super cute and quirky romance with a great female lead, also really great in terms of body diversity, and LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON I LOOK FORWARD TO TUESDAYS, THE DREADFUL DAY AFTER MONDAY

My Dear Cold-Blooded King by limelight. Just started this but it seems pretty cool??? The author has paired up with a musician so all the chapters have music which is lit af if I do say so myself

Silk and Briar by paragoing-paragon. I think this is on hiatus but it’s shaping up to be a brilliantly-constructed fantasy story with some crazy twists and turns

instantmiso’s stuff is also really popular (Where Tangents Meet and Siren’s Lament). It’s not as much up my alley as it is pretty fluffy romance and I’m not crazy about the writing, but she is an incredibly talented artist and has great music with her chapters. Her stuff is super good for an easy read without a ton of brain power/commitment, but I say that with immense respect for her talent and abilities! 

Cheese in the Trap by soonkki. This was also made into a K-Drama so I read the series and threw a little watch-party with some of my friends from my Korean class! Super good series and another great way to enjoy reading AND be social!

Here are the webtoons that are more “Sunday newspaper funnies”               style, where each chapter is a mini story:

Bluechair by Shen (this is WILDLY popular and I totally see why!!! These are hilarious and have cheered me up on many a rough night!!!)

Sapphie: The One-Eyed Cat by joho (feel-good, cute comic about cats that’s also pretty funny. I shamelessly read like a hundred chapters in one sitting.)

If none of this is appealing to you, there is always the audio option! If the actual act of your eyes scanning the page is difficult because you can’t focus on anything, there are a lot of options in this realm!

8) Local libraries usually have an audiobook section that is deeply neglected, but holds some secret treasures! Whenever I go on roadtrips, I always pick up two or three before I head out. They’re also perfect for when you do mindless tasks like sorting/folding laundry, walking a dog if you have one, waiting in long lines, or on your commute to and from school or work or any other similar activities. 

What’s cool is you can search for audiobooks based both on books you actually want to read, and whoever is narrating it. I know Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz had a super popular audiobook because Lin Manuel Miranda narrated it. If you want to pay, Audible is one of the most popular paid platforms for audiobooks. I haven’t personally used it, but it seems to be quite successful. One way or another, audiobooks are a good way to get back into reading without having to budget extra time to sit down with a book.

9) Podcasts can also help if you haven’t already explored those and are open to! Not all podcasts are TED talks, or political debates, or generally academic, or whatever they are stereotyped as. There are a ton that feel just like audiobooks, or at the very least like a play without any visuals. There’s a script and there’s a story and I know it’s helped me ease back into a mindset that preps me for reading because much like audiobooks you can listen to them all the time (I do so while cooking dinner and walking to classes) and it helps your mind switch from reality to the world of a story with relative ease if that makes sense. I’m pretty new to podcasts myself so don’t have a ton to recommend, but here’s what I’ve been enjoying….

Podcasts to look into:

Anything written by Mac Rogers. That includes The Message, Afterlife, and Steal the Stars. Personally, I like Steal the Stars and The Message more that Afterlife. They’re all sci-fi stories that are generally told from one perspective but you get to know amazing characters and I was not expecting the twists and turns. And Steal the Stars is still coming out so jump on the bandwagon now lol

The Adventure Zone from Justin, Travis and Griffin McElroy at My Brother, My Brother and Me (another podcast which I have not listened to). The Adventure Zone is actually them playing Dungeons and Dragons, but they’re funny as all get out (the last place I lived had a communal kitchen for dozens of people and I was always laughing like and idiot while listening to this and making dinner and I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was nuts). Eventually the Dungeon Master gets super into the story telling and they script some of it with cool music. It’s really amazing and has a nice balance between story/characters but also the element of “real people” as they’re a bunch of brothers and they’re dad all just having fun. It’s a good bridge to getting back into reading.

Welcome to Nightvale is always a classic. It’s a bit trippy for me but tons of people enjoy it. The same team also produced a podcast called Alice Isn’t Dead. I honestly know nothing about it but one of my friends always raves about it, so it has his vote!

10) And okay so here’s my last suggestion. It might feel like a bit of a cop-out because I guess it kind of is, but it often works for me. So here it is. Sometimes it just helps to sit down and remember why you like to read in the first place. The fact that you’re actively trying to get back into it isn’t meaningless. It’s a very willful decision. So what is driving you? Maybe it’s because…

reading is an escape or a way for you to cope with difficult things in your life. This can be anything from mental illness, to school/work stress, to relationship dissatisfaction, difficult family or economic situations. Maybe you just are bored of our planet earth. Sometimes you might just need to be transported into another world for whatever reason and that is totally okay.

or reading inspires you to live your best life. Maybe there’s some character in a book you love that you look up to and aspire to be. Remember that passion you had when you were first getting to know that character, and that sense of being understood or finding a role model. Maybe you want to go on an adventure as wild as that character went on and that’s your idea of living your best life. Whatever the reason is, this sort of inspiration is a powerful emotion that books make us feel and sometimes that’s also a good reason to reread a book that’s inspired you.

and I don’t know, maybe you’re a writer yourself and you draw inspiration from reading in that sense. The more you read, the more you learn about what sort of writing you like and don’t like, and you grow stronger in your craft. Good readers help make good writers (but also don’t take that to mean that if you happen to be a writer and you’ve been in a book rut for a long time that you own skills are waning. we all get in book ruts and that’s okay. maybe it’s time to seek out a new source of inspiration in a different genre or new writer)

or perhaps you simply love stories. Maybe you breathe stories like other people breathe air and you can’t imagine that side of you not existing. If you’re one of these people, that makes reader’s block twice as hard. But that doesn’t mean that if you’re not turning pages that you’re not absorbing stories. Take it slowly and ease back into it with things I already mentioned like podcasts and webtoons.

One way or another, you’ll find your way back. Maybe this post will spark something. Maybe it won’t, and it will take another few months for you to really feel gungho about reading again. That’s all okay. Take your time. Enjoy being with friends and other activities. Do what’s healthiest and what works best for you. And eventually you’ll get back to reading a ton. However it happens, I wish you the best of luck!

[televinita]

Reading Triage

All-new and fully updated since the last triage post. Maybe if I hype the books to myself in a public way, they will STOP DISAPPOINTING ME.

(In no particular order, which makes the second word of my title a lie)

The Little Bookstore of Big Stone Gap: A Memoir of Friendship, Community, and the Uncommon Pleasure of a Good Book: I first checked this out 3 years ago, ran out of time and/or wasn’t quite in the right mood for it then, but always meant to go back. I’m definitely in the mood to read about opening a bookstore in a small town right now...

[verdict: 5-stars-amazing]

Freshman Year and Other Unnatural Disasters - Meredith Zeitlin: OK, this is probably a 3-star read, but the good kind of 3 stars --light and cute. I’m really into thinking about people entering high school right now, kinda wishing I was back in that stage, so this is the headspace I want to be in.

[verdict: accurate]

Sophomore Year is Greek to Me - Meredith Zeitlin: Same, but this one is set in Greece, and summer is a fun time to imagine being there (even though that’s not when she goes). Comparisons to Anna and the French Kiss have already poisoned the well (am not a fan of the former), but maybe it will surprise me!

[verdict: see previous book, but this one was better[

Plague Land - Alex Scarrow: I’m always down for plague apocalypses! Except when I’m not. So I might not get to this one after all, but perhaps a desire for a thriller will strike. ...unless it’s a trilogy. Then I am less willing to commit.

[verdict:  super enjoyable! i also read the sequel immediately, and would have finished the trilogy except book 3 was just published this year and local library does not have it.]

Mariam Sharma Hits The Road - Sheba Karim: Lured by the bright cover, I came for the road trip aspect. Unsure if conversations about sexuality and/or cultural/religious identity will overwhelm  it. Pretty leery that they will. Reviews are not promising, but oftentimes people are morally outraged about things that I don’t notice. The same things can still annoy me for different reasons, though.

[verdict: threw it out after 5-10 pages. full of obnoxiousness]

The Opposite of Love - Sarah Lynn Scheerger: High potential for hurt/comfort: good! 272 pages of small print: bad. I am lazy, yo. It would help if I could figure out which teen characters from TV I would like to cast in this. Why do I literally always forget everyone except the kids from Glee when I need them for books, and remember them only when it’s too late?

...d’ya think I could run this with O.C.? Ryan/Marissa? I need a “wild child” rebellious girl I won’t hate and a considerate boy with abusive/drunk/absent parents from the wrong side of the tracks. I’m liking this hypothetical character slate, but I also truly cannot remember a single other fictional teen right now, so.

(update: Southern CA setting and the guy’s best friend with a “house that feels like home” is Jewish. You are not even slightly putting me off here.)

(update 2: maybe not, w/ repeatedly being reminded the guy is 200 pounds and suggestion that the girl is not white, but that’s okay, I’m into the characters on their own merit now.)

[FINAL VERDICT: um, it was all the hurt/comfort I could have desired and I immediately bought the $1 copy off the library’s sale shelf after reading]

Girl Online On Tour - Zoe Sugg: I enjoyed the first book last year more than I expected, and as my heart was filling with hate @ the mediocre books last week, I decided that finally continuing this trilogy (I had to order it via ILL) would at least make reading fun again. Reviews are...not promising on its ability to continue to deliver the best aspect, Brooklyn Boy and their romance, but it should still hit at least 3 stars and be fun enough.

[verdict: continued the 4-star streak and was super enjoyable! book 3 is where it faltered, but even that was still enjoyable.]

POTENTIAL FUTURE TITLES IF ALL OF THE ABOVE FAIL ME

[Blanket verdict: as of 10/22, I only got around to reading the last two. Summerlost was crap -- thankfully I did NOT suffer the audio -- and Hooked was, I think, worth it, but also put me into a second reading slump when it took me over a week to finish pushing through; the latter half is better than the first]

-The Geography of Lost Things - Jessica Brody (I’m still in the breathless anticipation stage and happy there, but if this isn’t 4 stars with potential to go up I will be shocked)

-The Wonder of Us - Kim Culbertson (will have to order via ILL)

The Possibility of Now - Kim Culbertson

-Tokyo Heist - Diana Renn (loved her last armchair vacation thriller, just not sure if Japan is the country I want to be in)

-Hooked - Catherine Greenman (a reread, perhaps setting myself up for disappointment as I rated it 3 stars before, but I can’t remember anything except that it REALLY feels like that cannot be right and I would like it more now)

- Summerlost - Ally Condie (oooh, also available as an audiobook!)

[namjoonchronicles]

Tumbleweed, Her #16 - [BAP] Noir!Au

The Good Side; Private Investigator: Jung Daehyun

It must have been the coffee. It must have been the... coffees.

Daehyun is having a painful headache and the smell coming out of the cigarette isn't helping the pain to subside, heck, it worsens it. Or maybe he had been thinking too much.

Maybe he has been been thinking a bit too much.

Now, he has find out that, (1) Youngjae is indeed a psychiatric patient, with the tendency to miss his needed doses, (2) Junhong is your little brother, (3) Yongguk is your ex lover who happens to be a policemen and has a twin brother who is on the wrong side of the law, (4) Jongup had just broke you and the Congressmen’s son is warded for a confidential reason.

Luckily for Daehyun, confidential things don’t stay confidential very long, for him. With his sweet persuasion and sugar coated words, he was able to sneak into medication record shelf with the help of the pretty pharmacist that happened to be Youngjae’s cohort mate.

“Psychosis. Manic depression. Hallucination. Post-traumatic disorder. Suicidal tendencies.”

The list goes on. And there wasn’t any written explanation. Daehyun rests his head on the metal cabinet that keeps medical records of all patients treated here. “If Himchan is not responsible for the death of her father, why would he be suffering all these?” Daehyun closed files with Himchan’s name on them and noticed something rather different about his files, compared to the others. His files had a red thumb print on the upper right hand side of the flap. He pulls out another file, and there’s isn’t any thumbprint. And another, and another, and...Another. Finding no other clues, and running out of time...He enquired attractive pharmacist.

She fixed her glasses while reviewing a patient’s diagnosis and drug intake. Amongst the few that she looked into, were drug compliance. With one glance, Daehyun knew that it was Youngjae’s.

Zero compliance. Tendency to miss dosage. Is assertive to towards any enquiries about his drugs or illness.

“Is it possible to have patients’ whose medical records are completely bogus?” She repeated the question Daehyun asked, “...Yes. Absolutely yes. I’ve never seen one because I’m new in these field, but the possibilities  of that happening, yes...I’d say yes. Especially to patients with powerful family backgrounds. Or patients who became enemies to these family backgrounds. There are cases of which patients suddenly disappeared and we weren’t allowed to speak about it.”

She propped an elbow and rested her chin on the heel of her palm, “...Not even their bodies or why they died are written black and white. They just… disappeared. Police reports would conclude it as ‘Inconclusive’, and close the case. And no one will ever know what happened to them.” Daehyun blinks and let those words sink. He would know more of that. He knows it’s happening, but unsure to whom. Most probably the files that contained Himchan’s past is abolished, or destroyed. And with the power Himchan’s parent’s had, it would have been an easy task. And Daehyun had to make a choice.

Whether to go down this road and take the risk to lose his life, or, to leave this path and start anew in a different county.

Daehyun walked to Junhong’s room, thinking that he’d find him there, but Junhong was waiting by Youngjae’s. Daehyun took a peek through the gap between the door and saw you laughing with Youngjae. Youngjae’s sitting on the middle of the bed, with the IV drip still attached on his right hand, and you were sitting on the chair, propping an elbow, nodding. “She hasn’t smiled that for awhile.” Daehyun thought, comparing the looks of your face of then and now. Junhong giggled short, looking to his lap. “You’re in normal clothes, are you leaving the hospital?” Daehyun sat next to Junhong, patting his knees like an older brother would to a boy.

“I’m waiting for her. We’re supposed to take a walk at the nearby amusement park… I need to talk to her about something.” Junhong dropped his gaze, and Daehyun knew that it must have been something to do with the life Junhong has had. Daehyun started off with a big sigh, and he said, “...There’s no easy way to say this but Junhong, before you decide to stay with Lee Jaehan, you have to understand--”

“--I know what she plans to do.” Junhong dashed, and with an unreadable expression on her face, he proceeds, “...But me being in the clan ensures her safety.”

Daehyun contorted his face, “...Why do you say that? Jongup will be there too, to protect her. She’s had lovers on both side of the law, she’s an impenetrable fortress…” Daehyun laughs it off, but Junhong didn’t join him. “No, Lee Jaehan is a possessive man. There’s no way Jongup wouldn’t inherit his father monstrosity. She should have never involved with Jongup. And that’s all you need to know.” Junhong sternly said and stood up.

Daehyun caught Junhong’s wrist, “But if you tell her you aren’t leaving the clan, you’ll break her heart.” Daehyun darted his eyes and maintained eye contact to Junhong’s, “...you have no idea what she went through to get here.”

Junhong yanked his arm away, “I’ve lived 19 years without her. I can live another 19, no sweat. And so can she.”

Youngjae’s door creaked open and you walked out, “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go… oh hey Daehyun! I promised Junhong we’ll be out at the park today.” You patted Junhong’s chest, “Talk to you later?”

Daehyun watched you leave with your brother, but he can’t shake this uneasy feeling. “But. Jongup is Jaehan’s son? Jaehan who covered the mess Himchan’s father made? If Himchan’s father killed her father, and asked Jaehan to hide the body, that means she’s dating… someone she shouldn’t be loving.”

Nineteen years is a long time, and it can sever any relationship anyone has had. Family, or not. As Daehyun grew suspicious towards Junhong’s questionable intention, he couldn’t help thinking that maybe you could change his mind. Junhong is way too young to ruin his life. Even though he didn’t choose this life, he still had the rights to leave when he had the chance to.

Junhong appeared to be awkward at the beginning of the walk, you noticed. “Loosen up. You’re acting as if it was your first time walking in the sunlight.” You linked your arm around Junhong’s. “It’s… rejuvenating. And it’s comfortable.” Junhong shyly said. “You talked as if it was a bad thing.” You leaned your head on his upper arm, briefly. If everyone didn’t know any better, you two looked like lovers instead of siblings.

When you live in an environment where you’re constantly frightened, comfort seems like a lie, a non existent. You taught yourself to adapt in constant misery, thinking that peace is a metaphor. That was what is Junhong’s mind.

“You said you wanted to talk to me about something. What was it?” You asked, patting the seat next to you as you unwrap the burger you bought for Junhong and you. You took a small bite while Junhong reared his mouth and took a huge chunk of it. “Slowly, boy. You’re going to get indigestion.” You handed him a drinking bottle. He gulped them down to half. The lake was tattered with family with toddlers, riding on small wooden boats with paddles and everything. It was an adorable sight.

How very unlikely for you to have such experience when you were young. Junhong noticed your envious eyes. “What was our childhood like?” He asked.

At first you smiled. And then it melts away. “It was unbelievable.”

“We had two mansions.” You reminisce.

You really did. Your parents had everything. It was a very matriarch family. And together, you lived with your grandmother. Grandmother had a lot of money. She had a lot of friends. She had a lot of cars too. You were so privileged, that you thought going to dinner with the president’s family was the norm. Pearls, white gold and expensive rings, was what your mother wore every time she’s out. Your father dresses like the next king. Your grandmother dresses like the queen. That’s what they call her.

When Junhong was born, everything starts to waver.

It was premature to start blaming a newborn for shits that happened, but soon grandmother was unfazed. She was heavily endorsed on superstitious thoughts. You heard her yell towards mother one day, and her words were so scary, it haunts you to your sleep, “...I told you that the presence of a male in this family is unacceptable! Get rid of it.”

Turns out, you were not the only one who heard what grandmother spoke of. In your memory, grandmother was no longer a lovable figure who would give you the world, she’s a wretched being who would go all out to make sure her visions come true. But taking the life of a baby? That. That was...unacceptable. You could see your father’s face the next night, and you couldn’t forget how worried he looked.

Sometimes, you caught him staring at your baby brother with pity in his eyes and then he’ll search for your mother in the room of expensive looking strangers, and then, he’ll bit his lips together. You wondered if he ever talked to your mother about it.

He did. He did talked to your mother.

But all they did was scream.

At that age, you had to decide which side you’re own. You loved Junhong. He’s your baby brother, how could you not?

One day, in the middle of the night, your father carried Junhong out of his cradle, in a stormy weather, and he ran out. He knew that if he hadn’t done so, Junhong would die in his own grandmother’s hand. For a week, you didn’t see your father and never knew their whereabout. But suddenly, your mother packed her things, as well as your fathers’ and yours, and then you escaped that mansion. Grandmother was left alone on her blood throne. And her dying will, she wrote;

“This power is descended to me from my beloved husband. The power corrupted me, and I had to die this way. We are all cursed, you and I. God has taken my husband away because of all the lives I’ve taken. And because of that, God has taken my family from me. And if I were to name my heir…” The lawyer froze. He contorted his face, and set the will away. “She left the will without naming an heir.”

And it sets everything on fire.

The mansion was confiscated, stolen by a fellow clan. A number of the organized crime families, rejoiced over her death. They’ve taken over her territory and shamelessly slaughtered her men. And they taunted your family. The first year, when Junhong was a year old, was the worst. They broke into your little apartment numerous times. Your father couldn’t find a job despite having a degree. Your mother was shunned away before she could even stepped in. The world had turned dull and grey, and you found it suffocating.

Father turned to a friend. A lawyer.

Got a job as a driver. But as a driver, he couldn’t make much, so he worked double job. Even on weekends. Father came home one night, and left to buy some apples. But for some reason, he didn’t come back. “Where’s dad, mom?” There’s a glint in your mother’s eyes that you could never forget. Her teary eyes fell on Junhong who was sleeping on the floor, on a thin mattress. She didn’t answer and all she did was gave out soft grunts, clenching her fist until crescents started to form in her inner palm. And then there’s a banging on the door.

You curled to your mother’s leg. Mom didn’t move. Junhong started to cry. “They’ve come for us.” She breathed.

The front door was ambushed by a number of men. She stayed still. A gun pointed to her head, and the baby was taken away. “Why are you doing this.” She cried, to the man leading the chaos. “You couldn’t have raise this kid even if you wanted to.” He said, in an eerie calm. “I’m doing this for your own good. Instead of having two, you’ll have to raise only one.”

. . .

Junhong contorted his face. “Ever thought of calling the cops?” You giggled, and fixed his hair a little. “We were once a family of crime, which cop would be crazy enough to be on our side of the story? It’s hard to be clean, when you’re raised in the dirt.” You looked far into the distant ahead, and the sky started to turn orange. “Do you love Jongup?” Junhong asked, looking at you, studying your face.

“And if I say yes, would you hate me?” You replied. “Jongup is a dangerous man. You shouldn’t be around him.” Junhon shakes his head as he drops his head. “I think it’s unfair to Jongup for you to say this. What if he’s exactly like you? You said, you were raised together,” you rubbed his back with your hand, assuring, “...don’t worry, I’ve made more than enough to buy you and him, out of the clan. You will soon be free.”

Junhong shakes his head some more.

“Do you know why Jongup is raised the way he did?” Junhong added a pause, something changed in his eyes and it struck you, “He was his father’s son. ...he was trained to be more than just an assassin. And before he turned 20, he has killed more. He is a ruthless murderer and I want you out of his life.” Junhong said.

“He was only doing what he’s been told to.” You emphasized.

“...He could kill his own mother, killing you wouldn’t be a problem. So that why, sister. That’s why I beg you to not buy me out of the clan, because if I’m out, it’ll be difficult to control Jongup. As you can see, I’m the only one who is on the same level as him.”

Daehyun walks into Himchan’s VIP ward undetected. It didn’t look like a ward, it looked like a freaking hotel room. No one was in the room, but there’s medical files on the table, next to an voice recorder. Daehyun pushed away the record slightly and took the voice recorder. He played the last file it recorded.

“May 27th, 2017. Kim Himchan.” A voice Daehyun presumed to be the psychiatrist. “It was odd for you to call in for a meeting in this short notice.”

“...Sorry, I was… I needed to tell someone about these ideas, I had. I know father wouldn’t bother.” That’s Himchan’s voice, the exact voice he heard when he first contacted Daehyun for a job with a great pay, way before he realized that he could be recognised through it. “...I had a fantasy, an ideal life, if you will,...” he paused, “...about a girl with amazing hair, and a great smile, whose’ heart is mine, and no one else.”

“Tell me more about this fantasy.” The doctor said.

“...I. Sometimes, I had more than one. I like it when they smile.” Daehyun flinched to the sound of the door but there’s no one there. Daehyun made a copy of everything in that recorder and took pictures of the files on that table. Then he fled the scene. He got into his car and accompanied by a cup of coffee, he started plugging in earphone and skim through the pictures he took earlier.

“Kim Himchan. May 10th. Sudden email, calling for a meeting. Voice seemed distressed, however, when in person, seems calm and overtly smiling.” The psychiatrist commented. “To what do I owe this visit?” He asked and Himchan was heard, chuckling, “...I found a girl. She was hella pretty. She smiled at me and I took her home. I loved her. But she wouldn’t stay.”

“Wouldn’t stay?” “She said she wants to leave.” “Then what did you do?” “I made her stay.”

“You made her stay? How did you do that?” “I chained her to the bed.”

Daehyun yanked his earphone out of his ear, fearing what he has heard. It became clear to him that Himchan may not be as normal as he appeared to be.

Next: Part 17

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: Hilda

Turns out, when they order a full cour worth of standard-length episodes, Netflix’s original content is good! Who’d’ve guessed?

Anyways, Hilda excited a few twitter-ers I follow, my brother, and a friend attempted to force me to binge it with him.[1] So I was obliged.

I even bought the first book afterwards! You can just stick with the show. More charming art and writing.

My summary ruling: it’s good! Watch it! My favorite (actual) Netflix Original. Go watch it, then come read my ramble.

Do it.

Anyways, spoilers and weird tangents follows.

Hilda is a Netflix Original children’s animated show about Hilda, a blue-haired girl and self-described Adventurer living in a world of myth and magic, who finds herself more at home in the wilderness and woods than the city. However, after the events of the pilot, she and her mother’s cabin is destroyed and they move to Trolsberg, where Hilda must adapt to the life of a normal English(?)[2] schoolchild, while using her knowledge of Beasts and powers of Empathy to resolve the episodic conflicts. Hilda makes two human friends (A boy and a girl, as per the laws of party composition), learns to love her new environment, and joins the most sinister of organizations…

A Youth Scouting Program.

Otherwise… it’s a slice of life tale set in a world where magic and trolls and other fantastical elements are blase.

Which is exactly my jam.[3]

Although, I must confess, while Hilda’s very endearing, the mythical beings that enter her life are dripping with personality, and Hilda’s mother is a good balance of supportive and concerned, the human friends, David and Frida, were somewhat… lacking.

Frida is the typical perfectionist archetype, who dives into utter selfish hypocrisy near the end of the season, which takes her from generic trope to actually unlikeable.

David… has a bug on him? He’s the scaredy cat, but he’s got no meat to his personality to gnaw on. He’s just there. Remove him and, outside inciting a few incidents, nothing would be lost.

Which is a bad delivery when one of the themes of the show is making a home and finding wonder wherever you are when the mundane world of Trolsberg is just… so dull, even down to the human members of the main cast.

Like, yes, obviously the fantastic elements will steal the show, but I’d still like to enjoy the company of the two friend characters. Instead, it’s always a case of ‘Oh, you’re here too, David? Good for you, mate. Uh… Hilda doing anything interesting?’

And Frida… ugh, Frida. So, up until her and Hilda’s big falling out near the end of the season, her prideful nature was a pretty good conflict engine. Then we find out that, unbeknownst to her, a ghost had been tidying up her room while she slept, so Frida just assumed that… bedrooms were like that? A silly conclusion, but magic is a very real property, so not impossible. Her friends tease her, and then try to get her ghost back.

Which leads to Hilda volunteering herself and her friends to wrestle a ghost which… is actually the most unconventional conflict resolution I’ve seen in a ghost plotline, so good on them.

But when that doesn’t fix Frida’s sudden loss of a ghost maid, Frida gets mad because her friends were teasing her and Hilda apparently keeps dragging her friends into magical adventures.

Having double checked, there was one (1) previous plot driven by Hilda’s choices having negative consequences on others (and it wasn’t even actively to Frida’s detriment). The rest are Hilda fixing external conflicts.

Basically, Frida is 100% in the wrong, and does nothing to redeem herself.

The real charm comes with the world of the fantastic. And how, in the world of Hilda, Dark is not Evil.

Yyeeessss.

Finally.

I have been campaigning for this for so long. There is no ‘Evil Magic’ or ‘Dark influences’ or inherent badness.

Just conflicts in Orange and Blue morality, and attempts to compromise.

Hilda literally uses dark magic in an episode to help her friends, and the aesop isn’t ‘don’t fiddle in the workings of fate’ but ‘read the full instructions and fine print, ya dork,’ an important lesson in this age of Terms of Service and job applications that require personal information, and other contracts we stumble through and sign blindly.

One of the most consistently helpful adults is a goth librarian who is totally a witch and probably all up in necromancy considering she knows where bodies are buried to suspicious specifics. And no one calls her morals to question because Gothbrarian is just cool.

Heck, it constantly calls you to question ‘how things have always been’. There’s no established canon that isn’t given nuance.

Trolls[5] don’t actively seek to harm humans, merely to get bells off their nose or recover their babies.

Elves, introduced as bureaucracy-loving nerds to a member, have a rogue faction who are sick of paperwork.

The Woodman… is a snarky plotter who doesn’t respect boundaries, but I love him so he gets a pass.[6]

Darkness and the unknown are portrayed as another facet of the world. It’s not necessarily an ill, just something to be approached with caution and a genuine desire to learn.

Which isn’t to say there aren’t dangers, of course. Trolls are physically imposing and resent humans for hunting them and harassing them with bells. Marra do sneak into homes to inflict terrorizing nightmares upon sleeping victims and laugh about it with their friends later. Even the Black Hound of the last two episodes, a giant adorable dog trying to find his home, did canonically eat three people and had to be ordered to spit them out.

So, be cautious, but, as seen with the Nisse subplot, don’t take conventional wisdom and rumor as the absolute truth.

It’s a great world with well written morals for kids and adults, and I eagerly await the next season. Hopefully, by then, Frida and David can be given more involved personalities, and the human citizens of Trolsberg more fun things to do than fill the scene and be utterly mundane. There’s a lot to fire the imagination and a desire to explore and research, and all while being genuinely witty!

Thank you for reading! Please consider checking out my other works, like other reviews, my webcomic, or the first couple of chapters of a webnovel (chapters 0 + 1 free on my Patreon, which you should consider supporting). Even set up a Ko-Fi it’s that’s more your speed. Until next time…

Kataal kataal.

[1] Which was very rude, Jason. I already said it was next on my watch list, I actually enjoy an amount of solitude when watching stuff. Gives me more control. [2] At least, they’ve all got British Accents. Despite the show being produced in Canada… and apparently set in Scandinavia-landia… [3] There’s even a few puppies! Plus clever writing.[4] [4] Just missing Japan and cute women with glasses from this checklist. Maybe season 2? [5] Who, like in Discworld, are creatures of living stone. [6] Woodman is the best.