#maybe ill do an update at the end of next year to see if ive read them or not?!

[cardinalvalentino]

[ID: nine book covers, the titles and authors of the books are listed below. end ID.]

i was tagged by @gabriestat to post some books i hope to read in 2025 <3<3 this is in no way a comprehensive list hahaha and as usual i will probably end up reading only some of these, but this is how im feeling right now december 26th :)

heres the titles and authors cause the pictures are probably 3 pixels tall and 1 pixel wide: martyr! by kaveh akbar; missoula by jon krakauer; inherent vice by thomas pynchon; the bone clocks by david mitchell; a dictionary of maqiao by han shaogong; no shortcuts to the top by ed viesturs; le mie montagne (my mountains) by walter bonatti; the worst journey in the world by apsley cherry-garrard; down and out in paris and london by george orwell.

tagging @birsalmasajt @thepromisedbride @perfectblve @immortalsins @westerberg @guangchuans if you feel like it <3

[speakofthedebbie]

you (read: i) asked so you shall recieve: radioapple fic recs august 2024 update!!

the following are the ones from the last post w/some minor changes (think: misspellings and even more osas praising) (sorry for the re-tags!!):

Bedtime Rituals to Try out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis

just yes. thousand times yes. so basically my boy luci has some sleep troubles and that somehow leads to a qpr with al look its been a while ok just read it

Managerial Liberties by the same fella

these two tags explain it pretty well

something that sticks out to me about this is that charlie is actually (reasonably) cold to adam and like. im actually surprised with how little ive seen that. i mean i dont think id be exactly buddy-buddy with my besties killer either. only 4 chaps as of writing but already looking to be a radioapple classic. has the same vibe as bedtime rituals, but it is NOT a sequel

devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss

also just yes. basically a really not cool joke evolves into a blossoming romance because why wouldnt it. (man if i had a nickel for every radioapple fic that had a masquerade that was sabotaged by the vees- *gets shot bc i cant mention osas yet*)

i’ll hold you close (i’ll stay the course) by the same fella

the entire time i was just going "yas king! put that egotistical flatscreen in his place!!". basically luci reminds the overlords who he is and vox shows he can be more of a threat than he lets on.

ykw fuck it just the entire series (i didnt mention i would give anything to not give a shit (but i do) and my perfect rock bottom (my beautiful trauma) because the first one sounded a lil too angsty and ive gotten enough of that from other sources [pointedly glares at Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love {also coming up later!}] and the second is (mostly) smut

Of Saints and Sinners by the forever amazing @morningstarwrites!! (if you see this i have a serious question: is this your first time ever writing a fic? because how do you get so much right the first time- [not even beginners luck could explain this level of skill])

if youre even half the radioapple fanatic i am and havent read this, literally what are you doing?? i could sing its praises until my death bed but ill hold off so i can explain whats happening. basically after burning down a meeting room several times, luci and al make a deal ("not a deal!", luci laments to the void): they will attempt to be civil and maybe even friendly, with some daily compliments sprinkled along the way, and by the end luci will owe al a favour. whats the favour? read it yourself dammit! seriously, 10/10, i foam at the mouth every friday

Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love by Starlit_Rainfall (no tumblr in sight, so AO3) (i. urgfgh. what happened. i was just smiling over the fluff while crossing to go to school. where did it go. where did it gooooo)

if thats anything to go by, the last few chapters have been rough. the fluff feels so far away that i cant even explain what happens. luci was waxing poetic about swimming in maple syrup for al, i remember that much. lilith is particularly an asshole even tho we havent seen her yet (or maybe we have. idr, mightve chatted with al) also emily is there (fallen) and has a lil smth to do with als and liliths deal. if you read it, warning for the gut punch of angst that starts chap 32 "She/Her" (though the chapter before that, "Should Alastor Know By Now?" ends pretty rough too)

Freely We Serve by @romanaxe

i dont remember how i managed to stumble upon this but im having a great time. basically alastor is a new sinner fresh in hell (but time doesnt matter and the whole cast is still here) and thinks "what better way to gain power than be the personal assistant of the heartbroken king of hell!" features a 6-7 (rosies words) year old charlie and a morally dubious lilith (also i loved eepy al X3)

A Family Forged in Hellfire by Green_Ghostwriter (once again, no Tumblr, so AO3)

this ones a bit newer (10 chaps), is so far mostly exposition and the slowburn pot hasnt even been put on the stove, but as just a hazbin fic in general i see the potential. basically its a 1920s(30s?) au where heaven decides little charlie doesnt deserve to be raised in hell and is sent to earth with a "foster" family where her actions in life will determine witch realm she will return to after death. her "parents", al and mimzy, are given false memories so they can claim the girl as their own and gee i wasnt kidding when i said it was a lot of exposition. erm honestly explaining anymore would tech be spoiling so go read it!!

The Red Thread That Binds Us by @scun-gilli

{{future me prefacing this by saying i have no idea where i was going with yesterdays thought process, all you need to know from it was im on chapter 27. also scungilli your comment is making me very worried 😟 well theres no mcd tag so im sure itll fine, right? RIGHT, SCUNGILLI??}}

basically its a king x kings guard au where al and luci grow up together and only grow closer after a. certain life event for al (its fine guys trust :)) [she said, like a liar]) then al is sent off for royal guard training school (ik its not called that i forgor 😭) but dw he comes back. just watch out for graphic depictions of injuries (i think thats this fic) angst and a sneaky eve bc radioapple fics are allergic to happiness (or maybe im not looking hard enough lol) (also im really tempted to make the friendship bracelets they had 👀)

somewhere down the line by kj_crwm (AO3 link)

this one starts off as human!alastor/lucifer but by the middle(?) its just regular radioapple. basically al is encountered by luci while finishing off a job who agrees to keep quiet. luci just keeps on showing up, reveals hes the devil to which al us just like "lol ok" and eventually they get in a relationship (ooh lala 👀) but they break up after saying some hurtful things to each other (oh nono 👀) with luci promising al they will never cross paths again. if you watched the show then well. you know that doesnt happen 😂 most human!al radioapple have al summon him (no hate to them) so this was an interesting change of pace

new recs below!! ↓↓

Alastor and Lucifer do whatever the Hell this is (series) by Vagabond_Sloth (personally asked, no Tumblr, but they might make one 👀)

i know this is radioapple fic rec post but... *cough* Husk and Angel do a Romance for some soft huskerdust *cough* anyway- basically, a perplexing flower arrangement leads to a blossoming something between the resident radio demon and king of hell. seriously, its some good shit, and the author is really nice!

A Compliment A Day by @decembercamiecherries

spinning this around in my head at all times

basically, a classic "charlie makes al and luci compliment each other as a bonding excessive" but it does not disappoint (check out her other three radioapple fics too)

a lovely night (lalaland is that you??) and pancakes, small talk by @mirotic_chess (X Twitter account)

in a lovely night they do a lil dancey dancey and in pancakes, small talk luci makes some pancakes!!

Sin and Sentiment and Time On My Hands by demon_fawn (supposed Tumblr leads to a dead end)

oh my god future debs here and i am so fucking tired of doing these descriptions but. um. the plot for sin and sentiment def seems very interesting and time on my hands is an incomplete (but good!) attempt at radioapple week. hmm not sure if they still post bc the most recent update was july 12th

honestly just every radioapple fic by @otoshigo (i think ive read all but Forbidden Fruit of the Poisonous Tree)

if you look underneath the little island that is radioapple, on god otoshigo is one of the creators holding it up. all 19 (yes, 19. we eatin good tonight [excluding forbidden fruit]) of their radioapple fics are fantastic, buuut if i had to recommend anything specific: A Guide to the Care and Maintenance of the King of Hell (fuck count furfur!) and The Devil's Trip to the Big Apple

not to continue the trend, but basically anything by @thief-of-eggs (even the singular huskerdust) but personal recommendations: Trust and Hair Pets and Let Me Be Your Shelter (sickfics 🔛🔝)

idk if youll catch me doing the descriptions for these anymore shit was exhausting

tagging time!!!! (i want to end it all)

[activesplooger]

Progress Update on some WIPS! + teasers! :) | Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT | Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader | His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox

a few days ago i posted a screenshot of some WIPS, and i thought I’d give a progress update! + teasers! i promise im working on everything guys i just want everything to be quality :) ive also been quite busy so, yeah!

Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT 1/2 DONE

About halfway done! Maybe a lil less than halfway? So far I’ve gotten a lot of the exposition out of the way and im starting to get onto the dirty little smutty part ;) its taking awhile bc ive been busy ALSOO smut is hard asf to write and writing deer themed smut is even harder! lmao guys the amount of deer mating season research ive done is crazy im definitely on some type of watch list now bc of my weird search history lol. I’ve gotten a lot done though! Should be out soon, I’ll let you guys know when itll be out when I get more of it done! A teaser is on my page if u wanna see it!

Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader

i dont rlly have an exact fraction amount for how much is done lol. i promise i didnt forget about it guys 🙏 i have the whole story pretty much planned out! all the scenes and stuff i want to include (+ the ending duh) are all written down! perchance ill do a bigger teaser tmrw idk sometime this wknd maybeee. I have all the scenes planned out and ik how the whole story is gonna go i just have to articulate it into words and spice it up! :) stay tuned!!

teaser!:

“The Vee's empire grew exponentially and are now the three top overlords in hell. You still worked for Vox, however, your job description changed over the next few years. A lot changed over the next few years…. You went from being introduced as “This is Y/N, my friend and assistant!” to “This is an employee of mine, she won’t be a bother.”.”

this whole paragraph is subject to change, i wouldve done a bigger teaser but im just so unsure about the other paragraphs i might literally delete it all and redo them and i dont wanna edge u guys like that lol.

His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox

OK THIS ONES SO RANDOM BUT LEMME COOK LMAO. this one has SO MUCH BUT ITS NOT EVEN CLOSE LOL. its gonna be like pretty smutty i think like toxic sweater electrocute my fukin pussy type smut. its gonna be a big one bc im trying not to make it into different parts but that might change. its gonna be a fat minute till it comes out im just chipping away at it every once in awhile 4 fun! :))

teaser!:

“Yes, dear,” Vox gestures to Papermint standing idly in a corner, “This one over here will also be my assistant. You’ll handle the more personal needs of mine while Papermint handles more business related needs.”

“I see…”

Vox, completely entranced by you, puts your resume down and extends a hand out to you across the desk, “Well, that’s all I really need! Congratulations! You got the job!”. Winning sound effects could be heard from Vox’s speakers as he congratulates you.

“Oh! I-Is that it..? No questions..?”

“Nope, I’ve seen enough- Actually, what size are you?”

“Uh… Why?”

“For your uniform, of course!”

(this is also subject to change btw! im slowly doing it its just kind of a fun lil random thing i like to do when i need a break or just feel like it)

—

stay tuned folks! if u wanna be tagged for any of these lmk in the replies!

[jils-things]

hi again :] so ive decided to take a hiatus for a month until feb 16. i have more work to do in school which extends to me trying work immersion (which is basically internship) so that means ill continue to be away here. i still lurk around my friends' content though just without saying too much because itll drag me back into scrolling excessively lmao. (i will happily respond to them when I'm free) i also appreciate the nice words sent to me as i left for a bit, truly happy to read it!

commissions are sluggish admittedly, but i was able to make some drafts this week. that's all i can update on

to end it on a light note, i'd like to try out on the secret drawing box! saw this last year but haven't had the time to try it... ive dropped a few doodles from my mutuals' blogs and maybe ill sneak more if i can :] anyway, here!

thanks for reading! see you next month 💚

[omophagic-beast]

alright lets talk ttrpg goals for 2023! this post is about games im writing that i want to finish this year, ill make another one for games i want to play in 2023.

i have. so many half finished games. in fact i even have several games that are written!! they just need to be laid out and put out there. so heres the goals and the order for said goals

1- Record Collection 2K23, and the yet-unnamed game for it that ive been writing up over the past few weeks. part tarot-driven game, part... play? there’s stage directions in there in any case

its based off the four wind albums by the Oh Hellos, later on the two characters in the play only talk to eachother via lyrics from each album, moving through the seasons as they move through their story.

ofc i want to finish this one during the jam, which means by the end of january. very much pushing myself to just Get It Out There and not worry so much about it being exactly what i want, because i can always come back and update it later. its horribly (affectionate) self indulgent already so to b clear i am writing this game for Me, so the only person who needs to like it at any point is Me :3

2- There Is An Anger Inside Of You. ive been noodling at this game for over a year now, with the creation date on the word doc being may of 2021. its done!!! its finished, i swear to god, i just need to lay it out, and i already know how im going to do that i just need to *grabs myself by the shoulders* fucking do it

its a game about being angry when youre not able to express it, the struggle of keeping your anger under wraps being played out as a rather unfair game of chess. and i am going to get it out by the end of february.

3- The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused, a hack of For The Queen based on the short story The Lady or The Tiger. its another one that is currently completely written out, but rather than laying it out and getting it out there my goal with this one is to get it formatted for playtesting. its a three player game, players taking on the role of either The Lady, The Tiger, or The Accused, and answering the prompts as such. i really love it, but it needs to be played by people and revised before ill feel comfortable declaring it finished.

also, i want to actually crowdfund and print this one, with art and editing and maybe some pretty extras and such. so my goal is to start playtesting it by my birthday, the 17th of march. after that... im not sure! crowdfunding it by the end of the year would be wild i think, since, in true For The Queen style, id love to get a gaggle of artists to draw Princess cards for it, and that takes time! so the goal is more to have it ready for crowdfunding by the end of this year, and if that happens sooner then thats cool and good!

4- Someones Simple Book of Spells Volume One: Paper. This one is also FULLY WRITTEN *sounds of agony in the distance* i just need to LAY IT OUT

and honestly since i already know how i want to lay it out lets put this one for the end of april. yes this is pretty much a game a month for the next bit but theyre all SO CLOSEEEE to being done anyways its just that final push, i could accomplish most of these goals in a weekend if i just did it so. im going to!! do it!!!

5- ok finally, one thats actually not almost finished, its The Center of the Known Universe. a small anthology of games originally started for the weird west jam but never finished.

its got some of my favorite concepts ive ever thought of though, a game about aliens freezing time in a small western town and LARPing as cowboys, two wild west wizards battling it out at high noon, a game about supernatural cowboys falling in love while experiencing all the seasons of the desert, and more. its a love letter to the small desert town i currently live in, and i want to see it come into being. im going to give myself the summer for this, lets say the goal is to have the full first draft written by september. i also would love for this one to go into print, so a secondary goal is to have it ready to crowdfund in time for ZineMonth 2024, so february of next year.

i think thats probably all the projects i can set goals for this year, october-december is always very busy for me so im not gonna set anything besides the two i want to get ready for crowdfunding in 2024, though i do have several other half written games lying about (looks nervously at my over-4000 word “ttrpg ideas” doc).

maybe ill get into the swing of actually finishing games and get to them as well! but if not thats just fine :3

you can always find all my games over on the Grey Jay Games itch.io page, and i may make a sideblog just for GJG, but for the moment all game news and stuff from me will be right here @resident-corvid​

[randomcontentdude]

GOD THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GET POSTED OVER A WEEK AGO AND IT NEVER LEFT MY DRAFTS

hello gorgeous people from the internet, it is a bit late on Sunday night, but I dint want to leave the weekend without talking to you and updating you on my life. We left off in me having GG blonde on delivered and me having a conference starting the next morning.

First the conference, It is a model united nations, and im not going to get into much detail because I don't want to, too bad for you. I was participating as Mexico in World trade organization, the topic was the grain market. Academically, I am a very experienced UN delegate, I usually am the most experienced(not the best under any circumstance) delegate in the room in advanced committees, no surprise I was too in an intermediate one. I started by beefing the USA just because and then just working with her because I was Mexico, ofc I had to. There were a few things that annoyed me about the committee like the people being clueless and the lack of format or them throwing all my work away. But anyways, I dont feel like talking about this right now, cause ive discussed this at extent multiple times and im not in the mood anymore, maybe tomorrow ill talk about it to leave a record. I liked wearing a suit after so long, and my coat and all, it felt nice. This specific conference is not my fave, it's my least actually. The debate was nice this year but the campus of this uni is super super far and in a very bad state imo, so its not too enjoyable, apart from that, I feel like the overall vibe is not the best. I went just to debate, no parties and skipped the ceremonies. I went because I knew I was going to bump onto people I love from previous conferences. I didn't make friends this conference, but earlier this year I went to this advanced committee(I’m coming back the next morning) and met a lot of people that have become my closest friends in the MUN circle, so I went to see them.

I’m transitioning to new hair products and I’m not loving the results, I guess I have to still get used to the proper amounts, but it’s not responding as id expect them to. Idk if I mentioned this but one of my suits dirty half from being stored for long half for having gotten lost in a forest in it (that’s for another recap). That’s annoying, I don’t have any groceries and I’ve been feeding off the same meal for the last like 4 days (💀💀💀) but I’ll make it work.

Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. I asked Friday afternoon (couldn’t wait until Saturday) how the Kebab was, and he didn’t answer…and then he didn’t…and he never answered to that. So at this point I had two options: ignore his existence until the day that I die or not give two flying fucks about it. So I decided to not give fucks and text him anyways, so I asked him if he was doing sumn in the afternoon (on Sunday) to which he answered that he wasn’t sure but that he sure was going to the climbing gym. Then I told him I was going downtown to run some errands if case he wanted to keep me company. This is when he mentioned his friend was over and I was like “omg, he did mention he was going to be hosting a friend coming from abroad” so now I feel less bad about the kebab thing cause lol he was busy. So ended up meeting his friend and I think he got like super jealous? Idk I could just see it in his face it was super hilarious and satisfying to see his face, as my friends would say, his face had subtitles. So GG blonde’s friend had striking blue grey eyes, huge eyelashes, super tall, etc. the brunette and improved version of GG blonde basically, I am an objective man, I can tell when someone is super handsome and he was, it didn’t help that he was basically shirtless too which was super hilarious for me and I pointed it out at some point and we all had a laugh with it. However, I didn’t feel attracted to him, I liked him, as friends, he was super nice and we had to things in common. At first I was super shy cause that’s me, but later on we got onto talking about dying our hair and we actually did the same high school program that is basically a sect so immediately the conversation got fluid and we started kicking it off. Gg blonde was not understanding anything of what was going on and he was not super happy about it. At some point he mentioned where he was studying and it turns out it’s my second top pick for exchange destinations next year. By the time we were leaving I asked for his instagram in case I end up in his city as we had agreed earlier. When I asked for it GG blonde looked so defeated honestly, he said “I don’t even think I have your instagram”, my plans had come to completion, I had his instagram which was one of my goals and he was also like upset? About the whole situation.

Ig he likes my attention and I like giving it to him, I like spending time with him and I still think he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, even if some of his tattoos are a little ugly. I think he realised he doesn’t want to share me? Or that he likes being liked by me and just wouldn’t admit it? Idk but I was just cracking my ass off after I left cause he looked so JELOUS. I also dropped so many pieces of info to his friend and gg blonde seemed really surprised about it, but he never asked me about much so ig he never really got to know me in much depth, my life is quite interesting actually and it would’ve been super fun for him to know more about it, but he never made the effort so now he’s ought to pay the price. Idk idk idk, I’m very happy with this situation and I can’t wait to see if he mentions something relating to this next time we see each other. Probably will be along this week. I’ll keep you updated

[corpsecollegeattendee]

sometimes i mention something i saw throughout the day that seemed particularly thought provoking and 9/10 times he just doesnt quite get what im getting at because im not getting at anything, just noticing.

for example, i had just finished prossessing some remains for a guy who i noticed shared his first name with a kid i was friends with as a kid (i hadnt mentioned that, but also this childhood friend was one who i couldnt see after out moms stopped being hanging out when we were not even double digits bc his mom had some drug problems that my mom didnt want around me and my sister, but i have seen maybe one or two updates on what hes up to from his grandma in the last 10 years but i generally know nothing about what hes up to now and im guessing its pretty mutual) and out of curiosity i peek into some of the other papers we have for him and see that he was 19, maybe 9-10 months older than i am, cause of death veing blunt force trauma to the everywhere (mosy likely a crash). while i was wiping the dust off the outside of his urn and gathering his papers to set him out to be collected, i glance at the paperwork for the lady in the refrigerator waiting patiently to be cremated next; she was 101, born in 1923, older than i think i can even conceive growing to be.

when i mentioned these two people to my boss he saw no correlation

and i dont know, they dont have anything to do with each other inherently but to just be in a room with the ashes of a kid hardly older than i was and the body of a woman that was born in 19-fucking-23, it is a distinct feeling i think, at least this first time. a life ended at the age ill be in 10 months, and a life that went on longer than any relative ive ever heard of myself having, two wildly different people who it was my job to end the journey of, sending them both off as the same thing, a box of ash. i found it thought provoking. at least a little.

[areallybadwriter]

9/24

found the will to provide an update. got inspired whilst reading through my past posts and decided it would do me some good. and jesus christ, the last couple of posts have a lot of run-ons. i need some more practice obviously.

the city is doing me quite well at the moment. i had a brief stint of absolute disdain for my everyday life when i was unemployed and still adjusting to one of the biggest life changes a human being can experience. there was this period of feeling terrible about my self (physicality-wise) which im presuming is because its a new territory full of new people - a lot more people at that. a lot more people that i shouldn't value their passerby opinions but i do anyways. im getting over it now and am starting to like myself again but boy did i slip for a minute. ive been exploring new places, whether it be food or entertainment, which has provided me a sense of understanding of this place i live in. my friend and i were actually discussing how the city still felt a little weird to reside in, still enough foreignness to give off warning signs at times. we decided we hadn't sat at enough coffeeshops by ourselves yet, or we hadn't gotten enough groceries. i try to remember what moving from my hometown to my college town felt like but i don't recall the same amount of difficulty to adjust. i think in time i will feel better about it, maybe when the weather or just the general business of this place has chewed me up and spit me out a bit. i do hope that the winter is kind.

i had this past weekend off of work so i decided to take the train to this cute lakeside town where my very best friend (who ive known since i was 15) who now lives thousands of miles away was visiting her family's cottage. the train was gorgeous and ive never felt such excitement at the chance of listening to my music, sketching a little, and sitting in my own two seater on a train taking me to the beach. i thought of it as something so valuable i think i would only take someone who i truly love on there. to show them. they kicked us off halfway through to exit the train and board a bus to resume the rest of the trip because there was construction on the tracks. that part wasn't as fun, but i quickly arrived at my destination and had a wonderful less-than-24-hours with my best friend. the cottage her family owns has been in the family for many, many years and they've kept it pretty much the same. its an untouched but well-lived part of history and i basically foam at the mouth with adoration every time im there. its all lace and florals and carved wooden floors. we had a bonfire on the beach the night i arrived and all shared barbecue chicken pizza from this place down the road. her and i split a bottle of chianti and got a little tipsy, while her family talked and laughed amongst themselves. being away from home and familiarity for awhile, it felt really good to stretch out on the beach with all of them. it really filled the void of loneliness and missing my family. we took the train back into the city the next day after we drank coffee and ate breakfast casserole on the beach as the sailboats went by. it was a gorgeous little break and im glad i got to see her at the beginning and end of her trip. we plan on me visiting her next or both of us meeting somewhere in the middle.

one of my other best friends from high school (who is in the same friend group as the girl mentioned above) had a psychotic episode this past week and is most likely in an inpatient mental facility currently. she was my roommate up until i moved to the city and she is still living in our college town, now with her little sister and another bestie from that friend group. while we lived together throughout the years, she definitely had episodes and mentally ill tendencies (honestly, we all did) and it had gotten worse in the recent years. she had finally found some good therapy and some good meds that seemed to be doing wonders for her but i believe she went off of them, thus entering another episode. she was texting complete nonsense to a few of us in an aged group chat and from what i heard, didn't recognize her own sister and ended up calling the cops on herself. i hate being far away and not being able to help more and not being more informed on the situation. i just hope that she gets the inpatient help that she's needed for quite a long time and can get to the bottom of some of these issues. i think its interesting how many of us in the friend group have had psychotic episodes. i don't think i have personally experienced an episode exactly like that but there's something to be said about people forming friend groups around shared feelings and similar mental states.

wyoming is coming to visit me in a couple weeks. we are going to a late-night concert and then hopefully hanging out for awhile the next day. he has not been to my place in the city yet, which i think he will enjoy. the last time we were in the city together it ushered in a new era of how we interacted with each other (in a very positive light imo) so i hope this trip will provide us the same. there's something to be said about neither of us knowing many places or people up here. it lacks years of memories like our hometown so we are rid of burdens and guilt we may have experienced otherwise. maybe our purest forms. ive had a couple revelations about him recently as i haven't seen him in person in awhile and can think more clearly without constant thoughts of how our last time seeing each other was or something. the latest one was that i think i like him a lot more than he likes me. it absolutely stewed the last few days and it was hard to even talk to him over the phone because i kept reminding myself of the heartbreak. we had a conversation weeks ago about being able to love things or people and how both of us were scared that we had never actually done that. talked about how maybe every relationship up until this point had felt faked at times. we both related on these things, but he never clarified whether these feelings applied to our relationship as well. for me, unsurprisingly, it has been the most genuine connection ive ever had and there's never been a need or feeling to fake anything. and i know for a fact i love him. can just tell, and honestly ive felt it from sixteen and on. its something that freaked me out years ago but so much time has wilted the panic of it all. what scares me now is the investment of care ive put into it all, and with that comes certain moments of absolute uncertainty on whether he feels the same at all (especially if we've recently had a conversation about being able to love other people or he's in one of his distant periods). i think seeing him in person and spending that amount of alone time with him will mend some things and hopefully give me insight on how to proceed with the relationship. although at the end of the day, i know he will always be around somehow.

saved this is drafts and forgot what i was going to say next so to post it goes.

xoxo anonymous

[lostacelonnie]

Whoops i lost track of this one my bad. Discord messaging is so much easier with the notification staying there. Anyways. Hell yeah getting to be not near people you do lnt vibe with is the best love that for you. Ah yeah gulls will just be an asshole about anything so at least they gave warning? Still dont like em though. Australian magpies are probably worse. Thanks! I adore german & it just. Having very specific words for things. So im excited to dig into that. Oh i didnt know that but honestly not surprised by it. Another piece of history from nazi germany to add to stuff i know. History was never my like. Favorite subject but i try to study it where i can. Its important. Mobile gave me bronya finally so its goin well & seele is coming back in 1.4 so maybe ill be able to get her & bronya both. Though i find it weird that we're heading back to belobog already? I havent even finished the next story part yet though. I havent used fire trailblazer much yet but will when i have more of her eidolons. Theyre both real fun rcg was short so i beat it quick still workin on dredge. Ill let you know how rain world goes for sure. Oh very nice. I finally did mine into purple & it looks really good im gonna keep up on it i think. Ive been breaking off from both to play other stuff but 4.1 fontaine is still fun to explore i love it. Cant wait for furina to drop. Oh shit history exam i hope that went well for you.i will say bronya is nice to have especially with kafka. Give her a turn boost to get her follow up action back works real nice. Damn that is. So much stuff but sounds so worth it. For all the merch & the choker who doesnt love a good choker

OH ITS OK IT APPEARS THAT SO HAVE I. AHHH. IM SORRY. schools been a Lot lately [7 tests this week......] and im going to alicante next week so its probably not gonna get easier for me to respond soon..... and oh yeah it totally is. i ❤ discord cos i can at least give ppl Signs Of Life instead of silence. anyways. THANK YOU!! ive been having a lot of fun with the new group lately its great. and yeah they really are ajdkfkjfj im Thankful for the warning yeah. and also that not even a single gull tried to steal my food. ooh tell me ab it i havent heard any australian magpie horror stories...... and yeah as i said. german is Such a nice language, i esp agree with the words bc theyre just. Great. love em. but yeah didnt have much luck in my previous years of learning it. and oh well the more you know!! honestly it was never MY favorite either bc, even tho ive always found it interesting, i just. could never remember anything. but honestly now that im on hist-geo its really growing on me ahdjfkkgj. probably also because i have a cool teacher. AND HEY CONGRATS ON THE BRONYA and good luck with getting seele!!! i have Not opened star rail even once recently [<- was only playing the game to get wolfie and kafka] so idrk whats been happening. have fun tho!! fire trailblazer IS good with her eidolons but tbh i just never had the energy to build her. and ah epic!!!!!! and yes please do keep me updated if you end up playing rain world!!!!!! its sooooo good its so good. AND AHHH NICE!!!! i want to do mine purple someday but i have a pretty dark natural hair color so id have to bleach it and i dont really Wanna Do That yet. and fair ahsjfkfk ive actually been playing genshin More recently, at least when i have time. which is not often. IM ALSO SO SO SO EXCITED FOR FURINA I HAVE LIKE 170 WISHES SAVED ALREADY................... anyway!!! it did actually!!!! but were doing pretty easy material rn so well see how it goes in the future ajdjhfjg....... it is what it is. and ah yeah that does sound like a pretty good team actually...... and yeah it def was!!!!! havent gotten a chance to wear the choker out yet [<- scared of old ladies on the bus] nut im Going To

[gibbearish]

to give a little more info without spoiling it, it's about a foundation employee who was caught for espionage and was given the choice between termination (which in SCP world means death) or joining the Surrealistics Department, and he chose the latter. so now we follow him going through his first day on the new job!:))))! and i should clarify, you may be able to get it w/o the post, i def wasnt tho so jic lol

some other rapid fire faves, declassified recommended or not:

there is no antimemetics division - this one is an entire story arc but i can't not list it, its about anomalies whose whole thing is making people be unable to remember them and it rewired my brain. if you only want one sample chunk though, "introductory antimemetics" stands entirely on its own and is sosososo good

3519 - a highly transmissible disease that makes people believe the world will end on may 5th, and suicide beforehand would be better. you might feel confused by the wall of containment updates before the description and timeline but i promise its important to read it in order, just take it slow and really try to parse what these containment updates must mean about how the disease is progressing

3449 - a highly transmissible disease that makes people make typos. its way more than it sounds but literally anything else would be spoiling it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just whenever you think youve reached the end keep clicking the next iteration button

1733 - a recording of a football game, the inhabitants of which are alive and are aware they are stuck inside an inescapable loop, and get more and more freaked out every time the tape is replayed. gets very graphic jsyk

1459 - well its. you see what it is. what this one does is it generates a puppy. and then. it uh. it. well you see. it. hm. you'll see. just, also very graphic. the ten mile long experiment log takes it from horrifying to ridiculously funny, i still feel bad for recommending it though

1346 - scary hallway

073 & 076 - IM SO SORRY TO ANYONE WHO BELIEVED ME WHEN I SAID TO START PROJECT PARAGON WITH 072 AND 073 i got the numbers wrong:((( but anyways. cain and abel. read these then go to the project paragon hub. or if you need more to hook you in, do 343 then 4840 then 6666 THEN hit up the hub. oh and scp 1000 is an important part too. and REDACTED PER PROTOCOL 4000-ESHU (you'll understand why its named different dw. irl it also goes by scp 4000). im pretty sure all of those are linked in the hub in one way or another tho so dw

4514 - knife that kills people (pay close attention to everything in the experiment logs)

2922 - ahhhh corbenic. very interesting (afaik incomplete) arc about where humans go when we die. after this you go to the project galahad hub to continue, also hit up 3922 it is extremely funny. from what i remember 1346... might? be linked to this somehow? but i could never find more about it, maybe ill stumble into it later tho thats how it tends to go

5935 - another one that i think needs the declassified post after to really get it and can't really be explained without spoiling it, its v cool though.

3288 - haha dude how fucked up would the hapsburgs get if they went underground and kept Doing Their Thing for like. hundreds of years? pretty fucked up right? (so fucking graphic dude. listen to every single one of those tws it puts up they are not jokes)

835 - scary human vore coral (also so fucking graphic, once again listen to the tws)

033 - Secret Undiscovered Number that breaks things if you use it because our tech is all based on the Wrong Math

2718 - GO BACK AND READ 4514 IM SERIOUS. DON'T LET YOUR EYES DRIFT DOWN AND READ THE NEXT BIT FIRST or do if you want, personally spoilers dont ruin things for me usually so you don't have to. it will however be way better that way around i pinky promise

lalalalalalalalalalala

anyways 2718 is death. like, death itself. one of the least graphic but by far most unsettling versions imo, and ive seen a lot of people say the same, like. its one of those ones that you stumble on and go ohhhh right this is a HORROR horror site. if you like it tho, definitely follow it up with the End Of Death (you see now?) canon. this one is super graphic though jsyk. i dont remember if theyre supposed to be linked or if i just happened to read them right next to each other and mistook them as the same canon but w/e both are excellent and they mesh very well thematically even if they aren't. but for real though, that first one WILL stick with you forever so if you're even a little queasy about death and Unsure About The AfterWards i would recommend skipping these, your brain does not need extra ammunition to scare you with abt that lol

4051 - MAJORLY fucking sad one about a kid who can make portals. if youre confused by the 350-PROMETHEAN notes and the therapy session notes search up the declassified post. not directly graphic but. its absence makes its shape visible regardless

6113 - scp of trans your gender. has false endings, youll know youve made it once you see a "handwritten" note followed by 3 pictures of a lake

2316 - everyones heard "you do not recognize the bodies in the water," but did you know theres more past that? start at Not Fade Away and click the link at the bottom to come back to 2316, click every superscript¹ < like that, and once you hit ⁶, highlight /everything/ past that, especially the blank parts. or if youre on pc just ctrl+a. you'll figure it out from there

lily's proposal - i mentioned this in the tags of another post but the scp-001 spot is kept open so that different writers can use it as they need for their individual canons, and this proposal is really cool and gentle

that's all the ones i can think of right now 👍 if you read these because of this post you should tell me what you thought of them

also if anyone wants an example of an INSANELY good scp that you almost certainly cannot understand without reading the declassified post, 5145 is so fuckin cool

[haeroniel-doliet]

A lil updates and thoughts going on rn! Mostly about art again :') putting it under read more tho bc it got away from me again all rambly lmao

Hooo wheee! Life has been a little busy huh. Finally going to work again even if it is pretty much part time, other hobbies im keeping up with, trying to keep up on life admin and its going almost well! Shame im realizing i havent worked on my drawings in well over a month now 😅

Part of me is slightly dreading going back to them rn bc ive spent hours and hours on them already and they still need many hours before i post them....

You know that one guy on like tiktok/youtube shorts whos a really friendly old artist with a hobbit hole studio and does like 1hr paintings that look incredible? Obviously i dont expect myself being rusty and also not with years and years of experience to do the same but wouldn't that be the dream? To be able to just create and be done and happy with it in just an hour or a few and move on. How sad it is how many things i have started and not finished, outting in hours and hours where it doesnt really make even a super significant difference.

Also its that dinluke positivity week thing (god i hope this doesnt show up in the tag lmao sorry) i was really hyped months ago thinking its great prompts and great time to partake in my favourite fandom especially before february 2023 inevitably changes the scene in some way! But all of a sudden mid november is here and thats kinda terrifying! I have no clear idea for any of them, nothing im like desperate to draw and my current drawing doesnt really fit them either. Im thinking maybe i should try like, giving myself idk 2 hrs max to just make something beginning to end and if i hate it its ok i dont have to post it. But maybe i will and it could be fun! Sure i am too tired to properly do anything but idk, even making one post could give me excitement and hype for things i used to enjoy and something that isnt just real life and like job related.

To be fair i could also go for the much more guaranteed dopamine boost and play a video game ive been thinking of playing again for months. Sure i dunno which to choose and im not like super inclined to anything even tho i would like to play multiple of them again, just playing alone is a little boring i guess.

The more i spend just overthinking the quicker my sunday will be over and ill have to do next week and god knows ill be busy!! I should try drawing bc its there floating in my mind and could be easier to slip in into the day routine to do a little here and there rather than like, playing skyrim for 30 mins loll. Or oblivion bc for some reason ive been missing it. Or battlefront, even tho that is really hard to play without really trying my hardest and getting readjusted to the pace of it

Alright ok im gonna set up my digital art stuff, im gonna challenge myself to sketch something on theme for all the prompts and see what ends up catching my attention. If i can do 1 or even a couple of them thatd be really really neat!

[hello-yue-here]

thank you @chiptrillino for tagging me in a wip game!

not quite sure what the rules are but based off of your AMAZING POST OF ART WIPS (check it out here yall chip is so talented) ive decided to just share some parts of my writing wips that i rlly like because i cannot draw whatsoever lmao

enjoy some lil snippets hehe

from heart don't stand a chance:

"Zuko couldn’t get over her eyes. She was looking past the camera towards the man who took it. Zuko could see clear as day the love she held for Sokka in her gaze.

It was a perfect moment that Sokka had captured. No wonder held it with him at all times. If someone had looked at Zuko like that, he’d never want to see anything again.

As he took in the photograph, Sokka sat next to him in silence. His hand was clutching the ring around his neck again in his fist, pressing it close to his mouth as he peered over Zuko’s shoulder to look. Zuko turned to him to compliment the picture and saw a sad fondness lingering in his eyes."

this is a scene i wrote a while ago thats gonna appear in a much later chapter. but yeah. more yue angst for you guys im so sorry.

from i love you (and that's all i really know):

"Mister Sokka," a little voice wishpered in his ear as he felt tiny pokes on his cheek, "Wake up Mister Sokka."

"Good morning to you too Izumi," Sokka responded wearily as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked towards the little girl who was standing on her tippy toes to see over the edge of the bed and poke his face until he rose.

She smiled at him once she realized he was awake.

"Can we have pancakes?" She asked shyly, hiding her mouth just below the edge of the bed as she looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

That look was going to be dangerous for him later on, he could aready tell.

"Sure thing, Izumi, just let me sleep for five more minutes, mkay?" He asked as he shut his eyes again. He was exhausted from last nights events, and the sun had barely risen. How did Zuko do this?"

this is a scene from the next chapter of this fic. so much sokka and izumi bonding you guys are gonna explode hehehe.

from cherry (the mailee fic i wont shut up about that is now a whopping 19 pages):

"Mai never had to guess with Ty Lee. She always knew when Ty Lee was happy about something because she would use an obnoxious amount of exclamation points. She would send gifs of people or cartoons making outlandish expressions whenever she wanted to react to Mai’s text with a specific facial expression. Sometimes Ty Lee would even send voice memos whenever her thoughts became too long, or she got too excited about a story that her fingers couldn’t type as fast as she could speak."

hehe i love mailee.

from yours (the mailee sorority fic that i promise i did not forget about):

"Mai lifted her head off the pillow again and met Zuko’s eyes. She studied his impassive expression, trying to figure out if he was joking or not. He did seem like he missed Mai and Azula, so maybe he did really just want to catch up with them.

But Mai wasn’t going to give up a golden opportunity like this.

“Tell us everything about the boy toy as well and you’ve got yourself a deal,” Mai said.

Zuko rolled his eyes and sighed, “Ugh, fine. And his name is Sokka by the way.”

“Nuance. You also have to wake up Azula.”

“No chance in hell,” Zuko scoffed, “You’re the roommate and her fellow ‘pong princess,’ wake-up duty is all yours.”

“If she murders me, it’s your fault. She’s a bitch when she’s hungover.”

“Whatever you say, Mai,” Zuko grinned before returning back to his phone."

i have decided that zuko is a little shit for this fic and no one can stop me.

from Where'd All the Time Go? (the yuekka fic that i have severe writers block with that i also promis i have not forgotten about):

"“Sokka I really think you need to take a moment and-”

“I am fine Aang, I don’t have time for a feelings talk right now. Right now I need to find the fucking chief of this damn place.” His words came out harsher than he meant, but he didn’t have the time to dwell on that.

Before Sokka could run off again to continue his search, a hand grabbed his arm. One of Arnook’s advisors, Malina, had started dragging him towards the podium.

“Do you not realize how late you are for this Sokka? The ceremony was supposed to begin with your speech nearly an hour ago-” she hissed at him as she pulled him along through the crowd.

“Malina I’m sorry but I really need to speak with Arnook it is urgent-”

“This damn speech of yours is what’s urgent right now Sokka, you can speak with Arnook later but the guests are getting antsy so you need to give your speech right. Now.”

“But-”

“Now.”

Maline shoved Sokka towards the podium and suddenly all eyes were on him. Every guest in attendance had their focus solely on Sokka."

homeboy is stressed in this scene. things are slowly going to shit in this chapter. i promise i will update this before the end of the year. i swear. im so sorry.

from a currently untitled jetko/sukka boiling rock fic:

"“Oh good, you survived after all,” She said in a mocking tone.

Jet didn’t answer. He knew anything he said would be used against him. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know what was happening. But he would be damned if he showed that weakness in front of the fire nation.

“I was told you were more talkative than this,” the girl mused. There was something familiar about her, “my informants were very detailed when discussing your little teashop romance.”

I knew it. Jet snarled in his mind, That bastard betrayed me."

i want this fic to be a little darker but idk how good i am at writing darker fics because i love fluff and humor too much. this could be good angst practice for me.

from a toph and sokka fic that i wrote a while back to help me cope w some shit that i dont know if ill ever post:

"“Sokka? Are you still there?” Toph asked, the slightest hint of concern began to slip into their voice

“Tell me a story,” he was trembling. Despite all of his efforts to sound calm, he knew his voice came out trembling and scratchy and pathetic-

“Is everything okay? You don’t sound too hot,” Toph said through the phone.

Breathe, Sokka, breathe. You don’t want them to be worried, you just need to calm down.

“Please, Toph, I just,” he said through shaky breaths that weren’t nearly deep enough for him to be getting enough oxygen, “I just need a distraction. I just need to hear your voice okay?”"

nonbinary toph anyone?

from a 10 things i hate about you kataang and zukka au:

"“What? Something on my face?” the guy asked deadpanned. He rubbed at his scar as if he were wiping off a smudge of mustard, and Aang’s face went pale.

“Stop scaring the sophomores Zuko, this one’s new. He won’t get your… humor… just yet,” Ms. Wu said as she waved Aang off again.

“I’m hurt that you’d imply I’m not funny, Wu. I’m hilarious,” the senior, Zuko, said as he walked past Aang.

Aang let out a sigh of relief knowing that this Zuko guy didn’t seem all that offended by his awkwardness, and darted out of the room."

zuko is a little shit part 2. the amount of sarcasm i have dripping off of heath ledger zuko is glorious. let zuko be a little shit. i havent added to this in months but when i finish some of my other wips i cant wait to get back to this.

i have more wips and drafts saved but none of them have anything juicy or funny or interesting yet because all of them are like less than three pages so far

but yeah, heres a good chunk of sneaky peakys from my wips!

I hope you liked them!

anyone who wants to do this can totally go for it. imma tag @ambykinns @lumities and @flowers-inthepieshop (only if you all want too!!) because this was fun :)

[du0tine]

well, fuck.

this isn’t great. frankly its horrible.

it’s never fun being suspended so high in the air with the harsh winds blowing roughly in your direction forcing you to seek shelter against the icy and snowy mixture of rock that sits atop the towering mountain.

to be honest, had it been any other day this would’ve been thrilling. being up here in harsh conditions, struggling to hold on and testing my mental and physical capabilities would’ve been so much fucking fun.

but there are days where you just imagine the rope that holds you up so high, snapping and slicing against a sharp piece of rock as you plummet to your death. the sky is the last thing you see, the butterflies in your stomach going mad from the sudden drop and you can’t help but think, “im going to die.”

most people, in this case: climbers that is, don’t want to die. they understand the risks, they know that given what they do things are bound to happen and im someone who understands that concept very well. but some of us are just so desensitized to the point that death feels like nothing, we’re used to losing team mates, friends and lovers. i just didn’t understand why i wanted for it to happen to me so much.

climbing is a large part of my life amongst other things; friends, family and other significant factors. all pieces both large and small that factor into what i call my life, something that i can’t help but be grateful for. but sometimes i realize life is fleeting. i realize just how short it is and sometimes i realize that, you know what? im okay with dying. whether it be today, tomorrow or the day after, i understand that death is inevitable and sometimes i just yearn for it to happen a little faster.

it often comes and goes, starting with tears and ending with cold, blank and rather monotone eyes gazing into the emptiness. i don’t know what it feels like exactly, the physicality is easy to understand but when i have to put into words its too hard. but it feel freezing cold, isolation hurts, solitude is pain. im all alone with nothing and no one and in fact, i do think im alone despite everything.

i just know im alone.

i have so many people in my life but it’s hard for me to understand why they’re here, it becomes difficult for me to keep them in my life. i find it hard to continue to speak with lifelong friends, keep in touch with cousins and other family. my parents and siblings (my brothers only being 3 & 5) being the only people i can speak to without feeling so choked up.

i speak to people ive met here (tumblr) but it never goes past a few conversations that occur from time to time and to those i do talk consistently with i can’t help but feel like i annoy. sometimes people reach out to me for advice, for guidance and of course, i aid them. it only pains me a little to never be asked if im okay in return but whatever right? as long as the people are happy, then im happy.

here in nepal, it’s been nice. people are nice. the way of life is one that no one takes for granted and it makes me feel out of place, like a spoiled brat who just yearns so much to escape but i try my best to just take a deep breath and indulge. the buddhist culture here makes me understand the ways of life, living alongside other climbers and watching sherpas dance to the tune of death, twisting around and just barely sneaking past almost every time.

despite how beautiful it is with the towering peaks, glaciers and fields of luscious green grass. death holds a strong presence here, one that’s covered by the tourism and clusters of climbers. but one that’s never ignored, everything being worshipped. pooja ceremonies being held for safe journeys and honouring the beautiful land, the mother of it all with offerings. mother nature is honoured and yet, she still plucks us one by one.

last year on my winter expedition i met a boy, well a man. someone who was 12 years older than me, someone i grew to have feelings for that in fact were reciprocated. despite seeming inappropriate, it was all consensual, it was positive and perfect. there was no dirty intention behind it and despite the large age gap it quickly flourished into a sweet, relationship but i found myself growing distant.

we were both sponsored by the same company which is how we met, the both of us being skiers and climbers. people who understood the dangers of venturing out into the wild, knowing what it meant to leave it all behind and pursue your wildest dreams.

he was perfect for me and yet, i broke up with him while living in nepal. i didn’t know why i did at first and it took me a lot of thinking. a lot of time being alone and realizing that throughout my whole life id been accustomed to supporting myself, knowing that there was no one else for me but me. perhaps it was the mixture of dreadful trauma id faced when i was younger, things i never told anyone, things that i only now realize just how bad they were.

regardless, the past is the past and i know i can’t let it hold me down and yet it’s just so hard to keep living when you know just how gravely you’ve been damaged. but i always tell myself that there’s someone out there who’s got it worse, someone who hasn’t stopped suffering from the day they’ve been brought into this world and until this very day.

like them i also wander the earth and yet i have an advantage, one that i should never take for granted and that being that everything that had happened, is over. i shouldn’t let it bring me down and ruin all the good things i have now.

so anyways, what lead to me ultimately breaking down was when i found myself like i mentioned before climbing upwards, fifteen pitches ahead in the air with my team around me. belayed upwards as i find myself freezing momentarily when the snow from above comes falling down, raining down on me as the wind whips me in the face.

it felt so cold, i couldn’t help but press my forehead against the wall and look downwards at my dangling feet. my hands were numb, my ice pick wedged into the snow and ice, my toes just barely warm. i just found myself observing how far away the ground was from where i hung. the distance from where i spiralled about to the ground was like how disconnected i felt from the earth. physically i am here but mentally im lost. where am i? i don’t know, maybe ill know someday? but what if i just don’t try anymore and let it all go, the place im in isn’t a bad place to die in fact, it’s beautiful.

but i can’t let myself plummet to the ground in front of people i know, i can’t traumatize them. i can’t be selfish and hurt others, id already done it once and that was to the man i loved.

pushing forwards we finished climbing, taking in the air at the top and looking down at everything. feeling like we were in fact on top of the world when really this was only one of the peaks we decided to acclimatize to in preparation for the everest/lhotse push that would happen in the next two months.

the feeling was the same as always, a feeling of satisfaction. you feel unstoppable at the top of the mountain, like there’s nothing and no one in your path and yet for the first time i felt anxious.

i felt like i was going to throw up. it didn’t feel great to be up here, i didn’t know why at that moment but when we began rappelling downwards i couldn’t help but think about how cold hearted i was for breaking up with him. there was no reason for me to do so and yet, i just did. it wasn’t right and it took me sometime to realize why. i needed to make sure i could at least put in the effort to do something.

the trek back to base camp was agonizing. i felt like i couldn’t breath properly, falling out of tune with my surroundings and just marching forwards. my team looking like blobs of colourful parkas. silently i felt myself weeping and just feeling like shit. i hated this.

it was embarrassing, i always made sure to peel myself apart and cry when there was no one around and yet here i was crying with people i knew and got to know around me. one of my leaders, who was a single mom that was a total badass in the mountains and one of the best ski mountaineer ive met (she’s also my team lead) spotted me falling apart and staggered behind to talk things out with me and i began to find comfort in consolidating in someone.

this was something i never even did with my own mother. this was the first time i looked for guidance in someone who’d lived longer than me and understood how grief, sadness and just a clusterfuck of emotions works.

with every step i took i slowly pieced the answers i needed for my puzzle piece and now here i am sitting inside my tent typing this foolish rant. my fingers lingering over the call button of the contact id for my ex boyfriend.

i think ill call him and apologize.

it’ll be a good first step.

update: things have been solved (relationship wise) but i don’t feel too good mentally nor physically. unfortunately, i received heartbreaking news that my bestfriend passed away and i feel lost. i don’t know what’s going on, what’s going to happen and i just feel guilty and pathetic. despite that comment, the less people see this the better, it’s not good energy and it’s just negatively going to affect others but i can’t dip without an explanation.

things are on a queue.

[lady-imperatrix]

late night rambling cuz why not

time to dive of what i remember of tf2 fandom over the years

tldr: fandom is alright. fandom also ruined a few things to me

---------

sort of luckily, it seems like the fandom itself didn’t ruin the franchise. i still love a lot of things about tf2. but oh man, the fandom...oh the fandom. it can turn into a dumpster fire sometimes. but also that’s fandoms in general

now to go to the point, this is my experience in general, most of the time it’s what I’ve witnessed mostly on tumblr

let’s start with the classes

Scout

oh boi there is a lot. i guess i could describe it as the fandom’s beloved fuckboi punching bag. i saw a fuck ton of people kinning scout. being very loud that scout is 110% trans. I’ve seen so many fanart of trans scout. and of course the fucking..popular ship that is speeding bullet. 😅 also saw many that sees scout as a soft uwu boi. there’s also the usual obnoxious (it’s on point though) scouts with the pink and green coloured cosmetics. Another on point thing is how dumb scout is

Soldier

first off, rest in peace rick may. i love that the fandom mourn for the beloved patriotic mercenary class. i did and do adore that people made him goofy in a lot of times. and i really love the fanart of him and zhanna. i also liked helmet party a bit. i sadly hardly saw brotp type of art of him and demo. overall i guess the overly patriotic is on point? i don’t get the stupidity part of soldier though

Pyro

😅 where to start, there is a lot of mixed stuffs that i’ve seen. firstly what i do like is that pyro is confirmed to be a man under that mysterious suit. although active players deny heavily and say it’s a woman or gender unknown. even though canon comics say it’s a guy. least fav is when people do pyro as oversized infant/toddler. but like you do you. idk if its to satisfy your fetishes. luckily i saw wonderful pyro ocs.

Demoman

overall very loved mercenary! :D least favourite is when demo is done that he is passed out drunk or so drunk that he is dumb. i like casual demo the most. most of the time i see positive stuffs about demo, and i seem to always miss the drama that seem to plague him. i also feel like he is easily a forgettable one

Heavy

fandom’s mascot and fandom’s fav big softy big bro. canon heavy he has a facade to protect his family. sadly or maybe on point? a handful of time he is portrayed dumb. but he is a big bro softy. there are many other things i could add but i feel like i’d start something really bad

Engineer

to describe what the fandom thinks of him: the one that takes care of everyone. i do like the fatherly figure the fandom does of him. although i feel like people forget that engineer can be very serious but choose not to. the edgy headcanon stories for his mechanic hand though is crazy lol

Medic

the slut for all of the team. from early days ive mostly seen medic smut. a lot of which involves with heavy. i did like the change of pace when classic heavy came into frame. smut aside, a lot of crazy experiments and his unruly nature of medical stuffs.

Sniper

a shit ton of smut and lovely art of sniperspy. a lot of piss jokes as well. not enough of him sleeping though. there was a lot of lovely art of him alone though. i adored the occasional bush medicine. when it came to commissioned art, there was a lot of edgy stuffs

Spy

people are horny for the french man­. the fanservice that valve does just fuels it. fandom has been supportive of dad!spy. a lot of what ive remember is handful seen spy as hoity toity and “mon dieu why me“ type of thing. and my god valve broke spy fandom with that proud of you scene.

---

onto other characters

Saxton Hale

so. much. bara. hyper. smut. I’ve only seen on occasion that it wasn’t like fetish based. it was when an update either comic or video came along. to meme about. i like the character but fandom kinda ruined him for me 😅

Miss Pauling

man i miss the days of the ship art of pauling and scout. or that miss pauling is ace. there was rare smut of her and administrator. i liked art of her with spy being casual friends. now these days is ship art of pauling and zhanna. and a lot of people are so fucking rabid of her being a lesbian (not confirmed by valve but you do you) that if you ship her with any man, you’re a homophobic trash. like god damn let people enjoy things

Classic Heavy

at some point it was a lot of people’s fav asshole. fav horrible person to love. the ship art with medic. I’m not sure what the hell happened for people to go silent on him.

next it’s the ships

oh the ships. ship wars, and rare pairs. so many possibilities. people kinda respected other people’s ships. and then as tumblr do, tf2 got plagued of “ZOMG IF YOU SHIP X AND Y THEN YOU’RE A HOMOPHOBIC PRICK! FUCK YOU AND I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL AND OH IF YOU SHIP THIS MERC WITH THIS MERC THEN YOU’RE A VILE PIECE OF SHIT FOR SHIPPING ABUSIVE THINGS“

...BOI...calm your tits down. if the content triggers you in any sort of way, why the flying fucks did you even look it up? why haven’t you blacklisted so you wouldn’t even see the ship? wouldn’t see the trigger content? why the fuck did you look it up? is it an excuse to bully an innocent person over fictional characters? because then you’re the asshole in this. they’re not harming anyone with smut art. unless it’s illegal things then, pretty harmless.

i’ll end it here. I miss some content creators cuz the fandom decided to go witch hunt on some of them. some of them never deserved the harassment and left traumatized.

I’ve been on the sidelines most of the time and seem to have dodged a handful of drama. but it’s unfortunate to witness some of it happen. and i think ill stay on the sidelines. cuz ive learned trying to interact with people would lead to unfortunate events. so i just want to enjoy things

[calamitousrpgarchive]

SIGN UPS ARE NOW CLOSED

The roster’s updated; ring names pinned to the front of the SR as sign up slips make their way into waiting hands. Most are voluntary, nobody questions when a couple of slips come in from a single person, an entry is an entry.

The slots are filled quickly, name after name streams in and the chosen champions give themselves a few days to prepare, every behind the scenes arrangement is made and on SRS day, the champions find that they’re treated like royalty. There’s unfamiliar faces leading those nominated to decorated tunnels that surround the sandy ring itself. An armoury offered with the exact amount of requested equipment – large trunks with the champions’ names are found as the weapons housing.

Inside, the order of events –

Before it can be read, a rumble from the Slaughter Ring’s caves has everyone looking up, for a moment, it’s mistaken as the crowd outside roaring and jeering to see blood. It still could be, the energy of the Slaughter Ring carries right across the North; one of the most anticipated events of the year always brings the crowds. But this rumbling is closer, like a train reverberating up the tunnels at an unrelenting speed.

Some of those with more adept senses are already backing out of the armoury – shaken for just a moment before there’s an echoing whisper that reaches the champion’s ears:

                       “Here’s your warm-up before the first round, champions.”

And the Southside ceiling collapses, no chance to process the recognisable tone when the competitors are finding any exit they can as rocks from above threaten to come down and crush them; jagged, purposeful chunks of stone that intend to do a little more than harm.

As fast as it comes, its over.

If adrenaline wasn’t already running through the veins of every champion, it certainly is now; glances are thrown suspiciously in every direction, most are looking for those who didn’t make it out; there’s less bodies standing there in the wings of the ring. SRS organisers are near enough rushing at them, checking for casualties, ushering the designated groups to their private wings organised in factions before they are to put feet on the sand.

Everyone that’s still holding their match roster notices – as if by magic, those missing and likely beneath the rubble of the armoury are also absent the fight line-up. (It doesn’t take a genius to work out how organised a sabotage it had been.) Everyone has their own theories; perhaps an eradication of those districts attempting to put additional champions in their ranks, though, something darker sits in the minds of some where they swear they’ve heard the ghost-like voice before.

There’s eight names struck out; casualties before even the SRS has begun. Most bring the champion count down from the usual four and at a slight disadvantage as a group – however two names stand out above the rest; if only for their notoriety:

Prince Quintus “The Pirate” Zander of the Forgotten and Tranterdor ‘Troy’ “The Lover Man” Dazzoth of the Dominion.

Mourning isn’t an agenda within the Slaughter Ring and its likely that their names would be announced as losses at the end of the SRS. Only the Champions seem to be aware of the tragic accident that sets up the Slasher for a questionable start.

Another voice cuts through the Slaughter Ring, this time, from overhead speakers:

Welcome to the one-hundred and twenty-first Slaughter Ring Slasher, citizens of Calamity. We apologise for the delay, but Round One shall begin shortly, above you you’ll find the line-up, alongside the standings for how each Champion is pitted; we promised you blood; we always deliver. 

A pause, a shuffle on the speakers, before:

There has been a slight change to the Champions, but nothing to worry about, the Knockout’s will commence forthwith. [END] Static silences the voice.

Tradition stands; the Knockouts, a head-to-head, show of strength that acts as an opener – one rule; get your opponent to concede, if they don’t, then knockout is putting it kindly.

Bring on the blood.

ROUND ONE

I. Valerie “The Mistress” Sylla vs. Aslyn “Chaos Wolf” Bishop II. Lorelai “The Missing Half” Mackie vs.  Josiah “The Ill-Advised” Maxwell III. Corvina “The Hellcat” Alkera vs. Demitri “Honeypot”  IV. Cardelle “Ace of Spades” Mackie vs. Liliana “Khanivore” Solar  V. Max “The Valkyrie” Roper vs. Ariel “Atlantis” Tarren VI. Boone “The Unawakened” Morris vs. Axel “Thor” Reyes VII. Dayanara “The Piranha Queen” Lighcrest vs. Esme “Scarlet Witch” Darcy VIII. Bram “Mac Rhys” Mackie vs. Jack “Legendary” Davenport IX. Garrett “The Dark Wolf” Kaelstrom vs. Ragnar “Fenrir’s Claw” Lothbrok  X. Izyk “The Exiled” Vissar vs. Azarius “The Souleater” XI. Kondor “The Trident” Tarren vs. Ripley “The Ripper” Bell  XII. Jasper “The Daring Chicken” Dalton vs. Alistair “Adonis” Adams XIII. Oberyn “The Viper” Cortes vs. Azagi “The Fury” Rabaz XIV. Mike “The Mad Wolf” Fothergill vs. Evan “The Hurricane”  XV. Jake “The King’s Guard” Juarez vs. Lobo “Sad Moon Moon” Vasquez XVI. Hazel “The Vigilante” Warren vs. Rhysand “Star Boy” Darkwood

The names are called in order, I - XVI and is the fastest way to determine who makes it to Round Two. The Crowds are cheering and the Champions who didn’t sign themselves up to begin with are less than happy about the forced participation since their names are already plastered bold across the callboard. 

Bets are being placed; Kochba is being slid into all the conman’s hands and wars have every ability to be waged on the sands. The losses earlier in the night sit unpleasant in the back of the Champion’s minds, a strange occurrence that reminds how dangerous the SRS is; how easy life can be taken, even for immortals. There’s no way someone in the ring planned the sabotage; cheating their way to victory this year?

Eradicating the competition and leaving district representatives short Champions; less to defeat, but those who were there, know that everyone in the backrooms were accounted for; as at equal risk; suicidal to cave a room in with those responsible within it, surely?

The SRS is only fun, right, Champions? 

Better get ready to R U M B L E....

ADMIN NOTE: SRS day is HERE. Everyone who wants to be is gathered in the Slaughter Ring; the ringside seats are packed, there’s bustling from every angle, all trying to get the best view of the sandy ring itself, the Champions are in the wings preparing to watch; front row seats to their comrades and competitors fights. Heat and tension as the anticipation hits peak for them. 

Champions can thread their fights, discuss in your pairs results or if you want that randomised too, please let us know, we’ll dice roll success/fails on hits/punches or whatever your pairing lead to! Or, you know, if your Champion retreats/runs and is deemed a coward. Whatever. ;) You can also thread being in the Champion wings with other Champs whilst you wait for your fight to go. 

Then of course, everyone else in attendance can spectate, discuss around the ring, maybe ponder why the standings suddenly changed and names went missing dun dun dunnnn. But everyone will eventually notice that there is uneven champion reps due to the accident as they look at who’s left in the ring. This justifies why there’s extra champs in other districts... to you know... fill numbers... suspend your disbelief... 

Any questions, please let us know! Also, update us on victors for the next rounds (and you know, if ... they’re still fight-able...), we’ll open up the event discord channel again as we do during events and you can discuss and place your bets ooc on people too if you want. All for fun y’all, we love you, peace ! 

R.I.P. Troy & Quintus. (We’re off to a good start with Nova at the reigns.)

This next part (round) will drop 18TH FEBRUARY 18:00GMT ! Please keep us updated with where you’re at results wise by then, or if you need more time! 

[garlicgladiator]

A look back at my art this year

I figured i’d take a look at some of my favorite artworks this year. I think i’ve improved a ton from last year (tho i wasnt posting my art back then)

they’ll be in chronological order so no rankings here (oh and its gonna be super long so ill put it under a read more)

1. my first ever collaboration (with @jasmineon), it turned out great and i made a friend :D (x)

2. despite the whole forgot-the-beard thing i still really like this (x)

3. experimented w/ softer shading and it turned out real nice (plus you can never go wrong with jj). (x)

4. using markers to create something that requires really clean lines and flat colours was a mistake. but all’s well that ends well i guess. (x)

5. if tumblr fucks up the timing of the gif again i stg- (x)

6. these ego portraits (marvin and jj especially), aka me deciding i actually really liked that new style. (x)

7.  this. this fucking thing. (the updated version). (x)

8. why am i like this (x)

9. i really like this one and it got pretty popular so i mean i see this as an absolute win. (x)

10. pure self-indulgence. i love wings. (x)

11. its @jasmineon again but this time i drew her oc Peregrine bc got damn do i love her and her wings (x)

12. MEMEnto mori (x)

13. thanks @quagswag-the-great for requesting what is now my lockscreen (x)

14. THIS. IM FUCKIN. LOVE THIS ONE. POSSIBLY MY FAVORITE ONE OF THEM ALL. (x)

15. last but not least, my colouring of @huffle-dork‘s lineart! (x)

if you made it all the way through congratulations you get,, uhh,, a crisp high five. why do a nice short one when i could do this lmao.

joking aside tho, i’m really proud of the progress ive made this year and i hope next year will be just as good! and thanks to @quagswag-the-great, @i-maybe-exist, @kukurami​, @beebmo​, @throughthedoomdays​, @jasmineon, @scribbleknit-camera​, @huffletrax​, @bupine​, and @redraspberrycats​​ for wanting to be on my taglist!