#maybe ill discuss the origins one day

[peachii-nitenite]

Much Needed Support (sfw-suggestive content) Part 1

JayVik x Reader Ramble

Idea: You’ve been overworking. Your aches and pains worsen by the day, and you can’t seem to tough it out like you used to… there’s only two people you really trust to help. 4.8k wordcount

Content: reader with feminine pronouns, sexual tension, fluff, partial nudity, boys getting shy about said nudity, mutual pining, self-doubt, idiots in love, getting sick, friends to lovers, discussions on medical neglect, mentions of chronic pain, descriptions of chronic pain (slightly implied hand kink???)

Very self indulgent selfiship coded x reader with a reader with scoliosis and joint issues to help me deal with feelings about own deterioration and struggles with findin a doc who’ll listen lol 🥲

Side note- this ended up much longer than I originally planned 😅 so this might end up being like 3 parts with MAYBE some spice ^v^

-You are a student at the academy in the arts and humanities department, a year below Jayce and Viktor, and you have worked your ass off to get here.

-You and Viktor have always gotten along; you were both from Zaun, both scholarship students, and both passionate about your work.

-Viktor introduced you to Jayce shortly after they partnered up, and the three of you become nearly inseparable.

-despite not even sharing a major, you found yourself in the lab during most of your free time, bantering and tossing ideas around, or sometimes quietly working on your own projects.

-for as long as Viktor’s known you, you’ve been energetic and passionate, but recently you’ve been acting a bit differently. Quieter, more despondent. You visited less frequently, and you seemed constantly exhausted.

-the change was gradual, how you seemed a bit more sluggish, had been walking a bit more slowly, movements a bit more calculated. And then one day, you tripped on the stairs while heading to the lab, a sharp pain having shot through your knee.

-you shrugged it off, insisting that you were fine and that it was just a bit slippery, but both of them could tell something was up.

-Jayce was actually the first to notice: how you constantly adjusted your gait, how you would wince at times when standing up, how you consistently had to correct your posture. Something was causing you pain, and you were trying to hide it.

-you were stubborn, and fiercely independent, and as such they were deterred from prying too much

-Viktor was the one who pointed out another clue: your clothes were always long and baggy, as if you were trying to hide something bulky beneath it. He could have even sworn seeing you looking a bit longer than usual at his leg brace one morning.

-in spite of how stubborn you were, they still cherished you greatly. which meant they could not allow you to go on like that,

-and all while they were brainstorming how to breach the topic, you were getting worse.

-the pain made it hard to sleep, the dull aching of the muscles around your spine needling you awake any time you began to drift off. You could feel you knees grinding and creaking with every step up the stairs. Your homemade remedies and exercises could only do so much to help, and you can only take so many pain pills a day.

-you were sick of being dismissed by upper city doctors, who claimed you were “too young” to have such issues, or chalked it up to stress or poor exercise. You had been dealing with these things since you were a child. But you were always told when you grew up, you would get better; stronger even. Now in your twenties, you look back bitterly, having only gotten weaker.

-you had a pair of simple, worn out compression braces for your knees. It had been patched and reinforced so many times that they were god awful to look at, not to mention the embarrassment you felt simply having to keep using them after all this time. They were easily covered up by the long skirts and baggy pants you usually wore.

-aside from that, you had an old, ill fitting corset that you used to attempt some semblance of support for your back. But it was all becoming too much. You had to get help, and soon, before it got even worse.

-as much as you didn't want to burden them, you had no other ideas left.

-right when you came to visit, both of them were already there, discussing the situation.

-perhaps it was the fatigue that made you finally cave, or maybe it was the longing to feel less alone in your pain. Regardless, you found yourself shuffling into the lab with all the energy of a cadaver.

—

“Is it really our place to ask though? If she’s being secretive, maybe there’s a deeper reason…” Jayce was pacing, tossing ideas back and forth in his head. “I mean, isn’t it a bit rude to just…ask out of the blue?” He sighs. “You may have a point, but we know her, Jayce” Viktor rose from his seat, interrupting the path of his partner’s pacing to place a reassuring hand on his arm.

“I…I know, I just-“

He was cut of by the sound of the door creaking open. Speak of the devil.

You looked tired, dark circles much more prominent than usual, and there seemed to be a touch of…anxiety?

“…hey guys. Been a minute.” You smiled weakly as you walked toward them. They looked between each other, as if trying to will the other to say something first. But before either of them could, you spoke up.

“I….you know I hate to ask but… I need your help”

“Of course! You know we’d do anything to help you out, what’s wrong?” Jayce pipes up, smoothly steering you toward a chair. Viktor quietly observes how you slump in relief, despite your posture remaining oddly stiff.

“I…well, uh….” You hang your head and sigh, as you struggle to get the words out “…do you know any good doctors? Preferably unbiased ones?” You muster a dry chuckle. They both furrow their brows in concern. “Of course, but what seems to be the issue?” Viktor chimes in, coming over to stand closer to you. You sigh, eyes once again lingering on his brace and his cane. “It…well it may just be easier to show you.”

You adjust yourself in the chair, and begin pulling up the hem of your long skirt. The two men freeze- you can tell they’re caught off guard by their faces as you do, and you can’t help but laugh a little. You bunch it up in your lap and their eyes land on your patchwork braces. Viktor’s eyes soften sympathetically, and you look away.

“…how long?” He steps closer to get a better look, and the proximity flusters you a bit. Jayce, follows suit, kneeling in front of you. You can them actively going into scientist mode, as you affectionately called it; eyes scanning and assessing your handiwork- or rather, the *failure*of your handiwork. You hesitate with your answer for a moment, eyes flitting between your two friends. There was nothing but sincere concern in their eyes, and you almost felt a bit guilty for not talking to them sooner.

“…not really sure, probably since I was a kid…but it’s only been getting worse. The damn things barely seem to work these days” you grumble, shifting your weight in discomfort. “And I…well I’d show you my back brace too but uh…that can probably wait” you trailed off, face getting warm at the mere thought of having to take your shirt off in front to the two men. You almost swore you saw a tinge of pink to Viktor’s ears as he cleared his throat, but perhaps it was just the light.

“Well, we’re not doctors….but if you don’t mind, would you let us have a closer look?” Jayce asks earnestly as he looks up at you, and you nod. He quickly clears a spot for you on the work table, and gestures for you to hop up. You hesitate for a moment, wearily eyeing the two of them before situating yourself on the table.

If there’s one thing to be said about those two, it’s that they’re efficient. After having you remove your old braces, they immediately set to work sketching, brainstorming, and most importantly- assessing your condition. They ask you more about your condition: is the pain sharp or dull? What tasks or activities aggravate it? How long has it been worsening? Do you take any medications for the pain? Do you have a diagnosis?

Much to your embarrassment the answers were difficult to muster. Most doctors topside would scoff, say you looked healthy enough and that you were too young for such issues, and send you on your way without so much as an exam. “Perhaps you aren’t active enough” or “it’s likely just stress” were the most common responses. This much attention being paid toward you was…odd almost. Refreshing, comforting even, but odd nonetheless.

“Y'know, for a while I was convinced I was just being dramatic… that’s what my last doctor said anyways. So it’s nice to be taken seriously for once!” You beamed as Viktor took notes. At those words, however, his pencil abruptly stopped. Jayce also looked up from the diagram he was sketching with a furrowed brow.

“I’m sorry…your doctor said what?” Viktor inquired, his tone tight and clipped. It quickly dawned on you that you had never seen him look so angry before, let alone on your behalf. It almost made you want to shrink away from that piercing gaze. Instead, you blinked, slowly repeating yourself before elaborating.

“Uh…yeah. My doctor wouldn’t give me a diagnosis or refer me elsewhere, and instead just recommended more exercise…” you scoff mirthlessly at the memory, how you felt so foolish and alone in that office under the doctor’s condescending gaze.

“…needless to say, I don’t see him anymore, aha…ha” you try to fill the silence with an awkward laugh, but neither of them laugh with you.

“And this… happens often? You’re dismissed like that?” Jayce asks, eyes fixed on your legs. It was strange for you to see the two of them so tense, especially on your behalf. You nodded, with a dejected grimace.

“…they usually think someone like me is after painkillers, so I get it- I really do. And it’s true that it’s odd for someone my age to be…well, like this-“ you gesture vaguely to yourself and to your discarded braces with a bitter expression.

“But… I just can’t tough it out like I used to. Even if I am being dramatic” you sigh, the mere act of explaining your situation only furthering your fatigue. “I…I’m sorry, didn’t mean to upset you with my sob story-“

“Don’t apologize.” Viktor cuts you off, his voice gentle, but firm. “Never apologize for this. It was wrong of them to neglect you.” He sets down his notepad next to you on the table, eyeing your old braces with disdain. “I know all too well what it is like. So do not apologize for seeking a solution to your pain.” His tone went soft, gentler than you’d ever heard him. There was none of the usual sass or clinical edge to his words, and in turn it made you feel softer as well. It reminded you why you had come for their help in the first place.

These were your friends- and they would do anything to help you.

“Vik is right. We’re not mad at you, we’re mad at those idiot doctors for not doing their jobs!” Jayce chimes in. It makes you smile, despite the odd urge to cry. Instead of risking tears by attempting to respond, you simply nodded once more. “Once we’re done in here I’ll get you the contact info for my doctor. She’s good at what she does, and Viktor’s been to her a few times. Sounds good?”

You smile, your unease slowly ebbing away

“Yeah, sounds like a plan!”

“So, let’s get to work shall we?”

—

-The two men quickly resumed their work with a new fervor. A prototype sketch was done within the hour, and all that was left before the first draft could be made was the measurements. You knew this part might be a tad awkward. What you did not know, is how unbothered the two of them were when it came to personal space while they were in “work mode”.

-You sat on the table, skirt hiked up to your mid thighs as the two of them sat before you with a measuring tape and a pad of paper, delicately handling each leg as they measured. And soon enough , they began to bicker over the design.

-and you quickly learned that your friends were very hands on with their brainstorming.

“It does not need to be that long, her condition is much different than mine, so the brace must be different as well!” Long fingers slid up your calf, resting just under your knee, gently holding it higher as if to show Jayce his error. “The brace should end here, not there” he asserted, drawing invisible lines over your shin and a few inches above your knee. It took a lot of willpower not to shudder at the sensation. “Any longer and it would be bulky and cumbersome, which is what we are seeking to avoid”

Viktor’s hands were cold, and rougher than you expected, no doubt from years of tinkering and inventing. You were not going to lie to yourself and say you hadn’t stared at them before, as he wrote or worked on prototypes. You also couldn’t say you hadn’t thought about them more…intimately either. How they would feel on your bare skin. But as he drew his invisible schematic on your leg, all your curiosities were answered as you let out a small gasp.

The feeling was nice. A little too nice.

He stopped instantly, looking up with worry.

“I am sorry, did I hurt you? I will be gentler…”

“Ah! N-no I’m fine! Your…uh…your hands are just a bit cold…” you manage to stammer out. There was no way in hell you could tell him the real reason.

“Apologies… I didn’t think about that…” he sheepishly put your leg back down and returned to his notes. Once you were free from the tantalizing sensation of his fingers tracing your skin, you were quickly shackled once more by the feeling of Jayce’s hand cupping your other leg.

“I get that it’s different V, but I’m trying to be practical for day to day wear. If it’s too short, it’ll keep sliding out of place throughout the day! It should start here and end here. So that it’s less likely to ride up or down during the course of the day.”

You could barely process what he was saying, as you were too fixated on the fact that his hand; his very warm hand that was nearly large enough to wrap around your calf, was now resting dangerously high on your leg, just below where you had gathered your skirt into your lap. Any higher and he’d be properly groping your thigh.

Jayce’s hands were rough as well, with quite a few prominent calluses and healed scrapes. The sensation of his palm on the sensitive skin of your thigh sent electricity through your nerves-tingly and warm.

And again. You’d be a liar if you claimed you’d never thought about it. But in a situation like this, sleep deprived and fatigued as you were, it was much more difficult to ignore that fact. The reality of his hands on you made your head spin.

Remain calm. Remain professional.

These are your friends. They are just trying to help.

Damn them for being so pretty

“Well, what do you think?”

“Yes, which do you like better?”

The questions snapped you out of your internal crisis.

“Huh? Oh, right! Uh….” It was difficult to form an answer with the both of them looking up at you so expectantly.

“Is…is there no middle ground? Maybe a m-mix of both?” You offer feebly. They look between each other competitively, before looking once more at their individual notes, and then back to you.

“I…suppose it could be done.” Was all Viktor was able to concede. Knowing how particular he could be, it was the best Jayce was going to get.

“Sorry if we got carried away…you know how we get” Jayce chuckled. “But now that that is out of the way, we can take a look at your back brace now.” He began absentmindedly caressing your leg with his thumb, a reassuring gesture no doubt. Viktor was doing something similar, his hand back under the crook of your knee. But the sensation, and the proximity made you tense up as you averted your gaze.

For a split second, confusion crossed his face-before he realized what he was doing. Jayce abruptly stood up, pulling his hand away. Now it was his turn to chuckle awkwardly, gesturing to Viktor to release your other leg as well. Viktor blinked, looking between you and Jayce, before looking down at the somewhat intimate position the two of you were currently in. He quickly followed suit, scooting his chair back and busying his hands with more notetaking, his ears definitely pink this time.

-you decided to promptly disregard their reactions. You were friends after all! Surely there was nothing else going on right? Anyone would get a little flustered in that kind of position. Your friends didn’t see you like that…right?

-besides, you could’ve sworn they had something going on with each other anyways…

-to remain productive (and totally not because you couldn’t look them in the eye) you got off of the table and promptly told them to turn around so you could get your sweater off

-they quickly complied, and the room was quiet aside from the rustling of clothes.

-not having a proper back brace, you had modified an old underbust corset with additional boning. But now you were starting to outgrow it once again, and there’s only so many times you could take it out before needing to find a new one.

-all you really wore beneath it was a thin slip so that the corset wouldn’t chafe your skin, but it was so flimsy you might as well have just been topless

And there you stood, hands on the table, under the white light of the overhead lamp. You shuddered as the cold air of the lab set in, and your own overthinking sent goosebumps over your exposed skin.

be normal. this is normal.

"Alright, now hurry up I'm getting cold-" you hiss, breaking the silence. You do not turn around, but you can feel their gaze on you; a moment of hesitation before you hear them approach. They are assessing you, yes, but there was something else beneath that as the two scientists raked their eyes over you: something you couldn’t quite place.

Viktor breaks the silence first, clearing his throat. Your eyes are still fixed on the table, the sudden sound causing you to flinch ever so slightly. You hope neither of them noticed. “Well…the design could definitely be worse, I can see where you tried to improve upon it…”

there was a but coming at the end of that sentence. You could feel it.

“But, In the long run it may end up doing more harm than good, considering the state of the garment itself…” he gently taps the row of tattered lacing running down the back. You nod, willing your voice not to crack. “So- what should we do? It’s all I can really afford at the moment…”

“Don’t worry about that- we’re more worried about making sure whatever we come up with is comfortable” Jayce chimes in, retrieving his measuring tape and notepad once more.

“Now, I need you to stand with your back as straight as possible for a moment, can you do that?” You nod, and you can feel him directly behind you as you straighten up. It’s uncomfortable, and you hear a few soft, telltale cracks as you do it. You groan quietly, and you feel him still for a moment.

“…don’t worry about it, just do what you gotta do.” You mumble, shifting your weight between your feet.

“Ah-uh- right! Right…” he laughs it off as he proceeds with his measurements and notes, quick, methodical, and very gentle. Every so often, skin would brush skin, his warm touch would linger, and you became increasingly aware of just how warm he was behind you: like a human space heater. It would be so easy in your exhausted state to simply lean back and melt into his chest, to bask in the warmth amidst the cold air of the lab and fall blissfully asleep.

Instead, with every ounce of composure you had, you avoided dozing off or leaning back. You could feel your eyes getting heavier before the deep timbre of Jayce’s voice brought you back.

“Alright, that’s done. You can rest now.”

You immediately slouch with a sluggish sigh, and you can nearly hear the furrowing of brows and the concerned expressions occurring behind you.

“We can stop if you are too fatigued, we should have enough to get started…” Viktor offered up, now nearly as close as Jayce was. You shook your head, taking a deep breath.

“No, no, I’m fine! It’s better to get this all over with now and save you both the trouble! So what next, huh?” You dredge up any remaining scraps of what could be perceived as enthusiasm as you turn your head to smile at Viktor.

The prospect of doing this again on a different day was already increasing your heartrate to an uncomfortable degree. Believe it or not; being examined by your two incredibly handsome scientist friends while half naked was something very anxiety inducing . Especially when you’ve been ignoring your growing feelings for said aforementioned handsome scientist friends. You felt awful for these thoughts and feelings, of course you did. So what better way to deal with this dilemma than to get it over with as quickly as possible. Right?

Wrong.

“Well, the last thing we really need is uh… well.” Jayce cleared his throat, carefully choosing his next words. “We’d want to get a look at your spine without your brace on, and take a few final measurements…”

Wrong. Dead wrong.

“… you need me to take it off?” You forced a nonchalant tone, unsure if it was convincing.

“Right. The measurements with it on will be slightly skewed since it is ill fitting in the first place…” Viktor added, a twinge of anxiety to his explanation. “But of course, only if you are comfortable doing so!” He quickly added. You began to spiral

Would it be weird to say yes? It would be more awkward if I refuse right? We’re all friends, this is fine! This is in a completely clinical context as well, so-

“Sure. No worries, uh-just… gimme a sec?” You blurted out before overthinking further, your hands leaving the table to fumble with the front closure of the corset. Your friends immediately averted their gaze, but did not completely turn around. Rather than dwelling on it, you focused on trying to get the busks open, before realizing you had laced it a bit tighter than usual that morning, thus making it a bit more difficult to get out of. You would need help. Great. You sigh.

“Uh… could one of you unlace me? It’s harder to get out of like this….”

The quiet that follows makes you cringe, and sets you a bit on edge, before Viktor pipes up behind you.

“Y-yes just a second”

You soon feel his cool hands against your back, nimble fingers finding the messy knot that kept your laces tight and marking short work of it. All three of you were quiet; no banter, no chatting, no bickering. Just the soft sound of laces being pulled through worn down grommets. Once it was loosened, you let out a breath it felt like you had been holding for a lifetime, slouching a bit as your back screamed at you.

Viktor leaned next to you, softly murmuring as he reassuringly placed a hand on your back. “Is that better?” His voice was low, soft, and held a bit of…restraint? You hoped the heat rising to your face wasn’t too noticeable, as the innocent action sent forth a troubling warmth in your gut. Not unpleasant, far from it. But troubling, given the circumstance.

“Mhm… y-yeah that’s better. Thank you” you murmured back, forcing your attention towards getting your corset off. The busks unhooked with ease as you shrugged off the patchwork garment, as well as your undershirt. As it fell to the floor, you instinctively moved to stretch, now free from the compression of your brace. A series of loud pops and cracks ring out into the lab as you did so, causing you to sigh in a unique mixture of relief and ache that you had grown accustomed to.

Once you had finished, you realized two things:

One: you were now completely topless in front of your two best friends

Two: neither of them had looked away this time.

Which could totally mean nothing

Upon this realization you kept your eyes forward, standing up as straight as you could once more, finding balance on the table.

“…well? go on, g-go ahead and look” you commanded weakly. Swallowing the anticipation that came with not being able to see them. Whose hands would you feel now? Whose breath would tickle your ear? You blamed your lack of sleep for how much your mind was wandering.

You felt a warm finger trace slowly down your spine, down from the nape of your neck, past your shoulder blades, before stopping and slowing down even further, following the unnatural curve that ended toward the middle of your back. It was Jayce, you realized. And a part of you was flustered even further now knowing you could tell it was him by just the feeling of his hands.

There was low murmuring, the sound of pencil on paper, and then Viktor’s hand, tracing from the bottom of your spine through your skirt, to the middle of you back before also stopping.

“…you’re too quiet. It’s unsettling” you manage to quip, starting to feel exposed under the bright light.

“…it’s your spine. You should’ve been fitted with a brace ages ago” Viktor finishes tracing his line up your back “a proper one, no offense to your handiwork of course.” He clarified.

“That bad huh?” You huff, wincing at the implication. You had known there was an issue for years now. But all you could do was your best in terms of treatment and preventative care. Every time it had crossed your mind to get checked out, you heard the condescending doctor’s voice echoing inside your skull: “you’re being dramatic.”

“Luckily, It seems manageable with a proper brace, and you already stretch and exercise, yes?” Viktor inquired behind you, his hand now resting on your shoulder. You hummed affirmatively, as you let yourself slouch once more. You knew it only contributed to your poor posture, but the temporary relief was worth it momentarily. The urge to fall asleep right then and there was overwhelming, even despite the cold. You could feel both of them shuffle back a bit as you did.

“Sorry, sorry! Did we take too long? Are you cold?” Jayce apologizes as he tries to get you warm again, picking up your sweater and getting it right-sides-out again. You let out a sleepy mumble as you reach back for it, turning toward him with your hand out.

Turning toward him.

After a few seconds of facing them with your hand out, and being confused as to why they were just standing there, avoiding your gaze, cheeks getting redder by the second; it hit you.

“Oh-oh shit! sorry, sorry, my bad-” you snatch up your sweater and quickly yank it on and you apologize profusely and so quickly that the words were barely recognizable.

Well, you were wide awake now.

You start rambling, trying to cram how you were cold and sleep deprived and achy all into the world’s fastest sentence as you got yourself together, gathering up your discarded braces. The only thing stopping you from bolting out of the door was the grinding of your now fully unsupported knees. You winced as you pitifully shuffled back to your chair, moving to put the braces back on.

The air was thick with…something.

It wasn’t quite tension, and although being a bit awkward it wasn’t quite full on embarrassment either. But it was something, and it was intense.

“….I’ll get going then…“ you murmur, standing on unsteady legs. Except now you weren’t sure if you were unsteady because of the pain, or because of the dizzying memory of their hands on your skin.

For a moment, your fatigue catches up to you; your legs feel like static and your vision blurs around the edges. Before you even have the chance to stumble, Jayce’s arms are around you.

“Easy there! Just give us a second, we’ll get you back to your dorm okay?”

“But-“ you were cut off by the sound of Viktor shushing you and guiding you over to a couch in the corner of the lab. The two men eyed you with a seriousness that felt strange in comparison to your usual lighthearted interactions. But it was oddly comforting now, as you let yourself sink into the plush sofa

“Rest for a while, you don’t have any more classes today, right?” It was less of a question and more of a reminder, as he retrieved a blanket to drape over you. You really had no say in the matter, and the couch was so comfortable….

You felt relieved, cared for, and so so very sleepy...

So you fell asleep.

Once you were certifiably slumbering, your two impromptu caregivers let out shuddering breaths they hadn't realized they were holding, exchanging knowing glances.

Little did you know, they had been struggling just as much as you, if not more.

"....Let's get back to work." Viktor mumbled, forcing his eyes away from your relaxed form on the couch. He gripped his cane tightly as he turned away, retrieving his notes. Upon noticing Jayce hadn't moved yet, he huffed at having to repeat himself.

"Jayce."

"Right! sorry..." Jayce nodded, slowly backtracking to the main worktable. Couldn't help the deja vu that hit him as he remembered your topless form leaning against it, illuminated under the overhead light. He groaned and shook his head.

"Heaven knows we need the distraction."

--------

tadaaa*~~~ took me long enough! p2 will be up relatively soon, i just needed to stop nitpicking.

part two will be primarily from the boys' POV!

[twst-drabbles]

Malleus 18

Summary: You show Malleus your form, in exchange for being able to explore his. An equal exchange. You are a danger and a tempter in turn. Malleus could never hate you, no matter how much his body wished for him to run from you.

(I had a lot of fun with this. Please enjoy, my audience!!)

Whenever Malleus looks at you, he always feels as though he's looking at the empty part of the night sky.

You occupy space, and in his vision, you color the world as anyone else does. But when he recalls those moments, when he's just about to go to sleep and dream of older days, Malleus would always remember you, your presence, and the way your very being just seemed to sap the color away.

Perhaps there was something wrong with him, because, as he so heard from wayward whispers and Lilia himself, there wasn't a spark of magic in you. There was nothing in you that would affect his memory. Maybe it was simple boredom or some illness affecting him?

…the feeling didn't fade. He finally met you in the middle of the night, outside a dorm he thought long abandoned.

He felt you more than he saw you. When he went to that dorm, he felt that comforting silence, then it was… well, not ripped away but unveiled? As though one is gently taking off a table cloth to put away. It took some time for Malleus to figure it out to be your eyes. Your attention.

Did you know that people have this odd habit of being quieter at night? They whisper in the dark, lower their voices as though not wanting to disturb anyone, even though there is no one near. People, regardless of their origins, are the slight touch different at night, and Malleus is no exception. At night, he looks not towards people, but towards the wind, to the night sky above, and to the ruins to give him that solitary comfort that's simply deeper at night than during the day.

When he met you, your voice was clear. You were still in your uniform, and there wasn't a hint of grogginess that comes with staying up this late. You didn't look to ground to keep track of your steps despite all lack of light. You walked to him, not with confidence but with a casual gait. Almost lackadaisical, as though there was nothing in the world that can bring you harm, other than death by sheer boredom.

But when he talked to you, exchanged greetings with you with all the manners befitting of him, you had felt human. Before your first words, the strangeness of you almost made Malleus forget himself, he very nearly thought you to be another fae. All his instincts point to you being something other than human, but fae you were certainly not.

And so he had said, What are you? Because, by all means, you appear to me as nothing more than a human being. But, that's not quite correct, is it?

You are, and you aren't. But, if you need a definitive answer, then the answer is ultimately yes, I'm human. At least, for now.

Then, as though some missing piece finally slotted itself into place, Malleus felt small. The moon cast you a normal shadow, but something in Malleus told him that this was wrong. That there should be more, but there wasn't. You wouldn't elaborate further, and he wouldn't give out his name.

As such, he parted.

When he walked away, he couldn't find that lonely comfort again. Sleep did not come to him that night. No matter how he adjusted his curtains, the weight of your gaze simply didn't fade.

There was fear and there was reverence when people would whisper your name. It was a strange feeling for Malleus, certainly. To think that he would find you at the center of it all, when it would normally be him. Strange caution in his gut aside, Malleus never thought your reputation would elevate itself to something infamous within this college.

Oh course, what choice did he have other than to bring it up? A wondrous topic to discuss, no? And besides, while there was this itch settling in the back of his head, it was easy enough to ignore. After all, you are a new… companion. Not quite friend, but companion.

It seems you have many of these students on edge. Mind telling me your tales? If you have any to share, that is.

There wasn't a twitch to your face, your smile ever serene, ever stable. A rarely changing thing.

Should I tell you, or should I show you?

Oh my.

Perhaps it was simply the secret veil of night, or the weight of which you place in your tone, but there was a slight thrill that went up the back of his neck. It made his scalp tingle, even.

But, at the time, he said no. A part of him wasn't quite ready yet. And, quite frankly, he didn't wish to set himself up for disappointment. But, he will admit…

There was an overblot that I took care of. It seemed I scared quite the number of people. I save them, and I damned them in turn.

Your vagueness left him wanting more. But there is this unspoken deal you both have. So long as he refuses to give out his identity, you, in turn, will only give the barest of details. He cannot make demands of you, so long as this stands.

And so all he can do is dream and wait for the next night to come.

I find comfort in you, you know?

Another night, another series of topics, with mostly Malleus recounting a particular set of ruins with the most exquisite set of gargoyles he's ever seen. Highly likely enchanted by someone to weather the natural forces of nature. How could he not talk about the clear love put into them?

Words clogged his throat. Comfort. How… warm, that tone of yours was. How fond that smile of yours was. The constant weight of your gaze turned just the slightest bit lighter.

There was only a glimpse.

A cold had broke past the natural protections of his clothing and poisonous magic, and settled deep inside his marrow. His blood rushed through his body too loudly, and the colors surrounded his view dimmed, warped, and ripped.

There was the sound of broken glass, a hiss that shot through his head and left behind a horrid headache.

Malleus pushed on, because if nothing else, his magic is more than enough to take care of anything. It was his crown, his birthright.

There was only a glimpse, and that was enough for his vision to be cut in half. Night, from a pinprick, cut out part of your back. It followed a jagged path, expanding fast past the limits of your human body, consuming the space around you as though fungus upon wet wood.

It didn't matter that it was air, all it wanted to do was consume. Consume the air, consume your body, consume the sky, and consume the mirrors.

The sounds around him rushed to you, as though unable to resist your pull, leaving behind only the mess of static in his ears.

There was only you, pulsing in the vague shape of a human being, all in swirling colors, near nauseating colors.

Malleus blinked, and all was well. Everything had settled. The students slowly got up from the floor, nursing injuries and headaches alike, but happy to be alive. And you… were untouched. Clothes not so much as wrinkled.

And when it was over, when the conversations upon the stage of VDC had settled down, Malleus turned to you and said.

Show me. When night comes for us once more, show me.

You smiled and laughed.

Of course, Malleus Draconia.

"Come on," you chuckled against his skin, breathe brushing against the little hairs on his neck, standing them on end, "aren't you supposed to be royalty? Isn't patience something you ought to have?"

"Even you--" Malleus cut off with a hiss when you wrapped your tendrils tighter around the base of his tail, lovingly stroking the side scales with your palms. Firm, your tendrils are firm as they slide and take in every little crevice in his scales. Firm, and like fluid at the same time without leaving behind residue. "Even you have to understand that I have limits. Must I keep my eyes closed?"

Your touch practically sparks his skin, and his every instinct is warning him to open his eyes and spot the danger. The stiffness in his spine tells him he's about to fall and land on the ground. All while swimming in the vast muteness of his suppressed magic.

We can't have any accidents, now can we?

"You hear that fuzziness in your ears?" you traced his neck as white noise buzzed, both far away, yet blanketing him as though a bubble, "The way I sound as though I exist in all spaces, and the way I speak as though I'm coming from your heart? Don't open your eyes, Malleus. Otherwise, you might dissolve into me."

Dissolve, in the same way your back drew in all those colors, and mixed it into yourself, became a part of yourself for a small moment. Malleus wishes to see it, even though his body broke out in a sweat at what might happen.

"Is that," he swallowed, "such a horrible thing? Didn't you say you would show me?"

"Does showing mean you have to witness with your eyes?" A tendril wrapped over his ankle and slipped through the leg opening. You caressed the back of his knee, and Malleus's fingers broke through the wood of the wall behind him. "Careful there. I'm showing you, through all your other senses other than sight."

"Other senses?" Malleus managed to breathe out, "then… what of taste?"

You overwhelm his touch with electric touches, fill his smell with the scent of you, and play his hearing. What of taste? Will he regret this? Well, it doesn't matter. Malleus is curious and he has no intention of curbing it.

"Oh, aren't you a sweetheart?" Your voice was concentrated to a single point, right over his left ear. "Well then, lift your head up, dear prince."

There was an ever-shifting noise beneath the static, like flesh constantly adjusting itself, like blood flowing and popping it's large bubbles.

"How bold of you, making demands of me like this, knowing full well who I am." There was no hatred in his tone, only heated amusement. Malleus lifted his chin, and he almost curled into himself when you pressed your lips against his. You were gentle, almost painfully so as though you were guiding him. You had almost your entire being tied up around him, and you're kissing him as though he's nothing more than faint-hearted fae.

And that makes his fingers curl deeper into the wall of your dorm.

"How," that was close, Malleus's voice almost pitched. How unbecoming of someone such as him, "How cruel of you, to kiss me as though I'm fragile glass."

"Because I know that would affect you most. You know how I am." You chuckled against his lips, stroking his neck in such a way he had no choice but to relax back into them. "Again?" you asked.

He licked his dry lips and answered, "Again. This small taste isn't enough."

"Alright, be careful not to destroy my wall, alright?" you swiped a thumb over his lips, practically hearing the widening smile on your face.

"I'll be more care--" You silence him with the blissful magic of a kiss, tenderly moving against him, coaxing him to relax into a shivering pile of scales. You pulled back and Malleus was ashamed in how desperate he was when he chased after you. "Wait--"

You tilted his chin and stole his breathe once again, fingers slipping past his collar, tendrils wrapping up higher and higher until they're poking at the scales on his thighs. You trailed a hand over his shoulder, down his arm, and guided his fingers to lock with your own.

"Is this better?" You asked, pulling away from his surely reddened lips.

"Y-yes." Malleus tightly clung to your fingers.

[sirenjose]

Orpheus' 2nd Character Day Letter

If the purpose of the loan had to do with a clinic and hospital, that implies the loan was likely due to someone being ill or injured. For the wealthy obviously implies who the borrower was.

Considering this is Orpheus' letter, and we know the DeRoss couple was "wealthy" (based on the original Oletus Manor backstory, comments Alice makes, Burke and Bonbon's deductions, and Orpheus' tale, especially with how the massacre to some extent had to do with greed), the DeRoss couple were likely the borrowers. That and it specifically has the context of the time of the "incident" based on the Oletus Family massacre. This matches with the Borrower (likely Dennis, especially as the line about the borrower uses the word "him") being deceased, and his family also being deceased (his wife) or missing (Alice).

If Dennis was the borrower, it seems likely he acquired the loan for someone in his family, meaning the purpose of the loan was 1 of them. In Time of Reunion, 1 of the lines Orpheus hears talks about the mother's (Dennis' wife and Alice's mother) condition worsening. Ergo, she was who the loan was for.

This lines up with a page from the artbook, which actually discusses Dennis' wife's affliction:

Dear ◼︎︎

Your wife's lung cancer is getting worse again and you need to implement more advanced treatment.

Unless you pay for her medical care as soon as possible, we cannot do anything for her.

◼︎︎ Doctor, 1887

Then there's the question of the lender. Based on the mention of "advanced treatment", it's likely the loan was quite large and thus the lender must've been similarly wealthy, especially if even someone of the DeRoss couple's wealth couldn't afford it. Of course, someone we know that is wealthy and has ties to the DeRoss couple, my first thought is the Barriere family.

First to mind is Count Barriere, who we know is very wealthy, is tied to shady happenings, had a signature on the same page as Dennis, and we know he gives out loans based on the IOU owned by someone with the signature "D" that he wants Lily to reclaim. It's not guaranteed to be him though, not to mention the IOU Lily is after is still to be paid and is tied to "Mediterranean Development" and a copy of Orfeo, while the loan in this letter was "repaid 2 weeks after the tragedy".

We know it can't be Lily's father, Reger, but Reger was said to only be the 2nd son. So it's possible maybe the 1st son gave out this loan. The only reference to a Barriere that isn't confirmed to be Count Barriere is from Freddy's 4th letter, which references a "Keogh & Barriere law office". Though it may feel a bit odd if the co-partner for the law office referenced here is the one that has been imprisoned for so long. It's possible the 1st son isn't related to this law office, but he still could have given the loan.

Though it'd also be curious if the 1st son was tied to this law office and the lender for this loan considering Freddy, a financial advisor, in that case would be connected via both his 4th letter and his mention in Orpheus' 2nd letter.

There's also how Freddy's background mentions a "failed lawsuit" in his past. If Freddy is his the lender's lawyer, I wonder if this could be the "failed lawsuit" from Freddy's past (especially if it happened at least 5 years ago). He should still be his lawyer even if Freddy lost the lawsuit and couldn't prevent his client from being imprisoned. And if his client were a Barriere, maybe that could tie at least somewhat to why after this failed lawsuit Freddy's life seemed to decline after, based on after that case Freddy was said to be "toiling away at a menial job with a pathetic wage". With someone as high up as the Barriere family, it's possible he could've suffered some sort of punishment or something for being unable to prevent him from being imprisoned.

This is just a bunch of my current thoughts, so who knows what's right.

I do find it curious the loan was paid 2 weeks after the tragedy. I wonder if either someone paid it off for Dennis, or if maybe the manor was seized and used to pay it off, and thus potentially how it could then be bought by Manus, and then later bought by Orpheus.

As for the loan being signed 6 months before the massacre, I do admit I wonder if it's possible it is connected somehow someway to why the massacre happened at all (which I still wonder if Barriere helped cause).

Though if Dennis was wealthy, was he just having trouble paying for his wife's treatment because it was a very expensive treatment, or I wonder if people stealing from his manor (based on Bonbon's deduction 4 that implies Orpheus's parents, maybe helped by Orpheus himself or not, were taking "valuable items" from the manor due to their greed) was causing Dennis enough trouble that he was forced to ask for a loan rather than be able to pay himself. If so, I wonder if that was on purpose to pressure Dennis (to what end, I don't know. Why was it important for all of this to happen if so?), but maybe I'm thinking too hard again.

(Doing this at all because I enjoyed having an actually interesting letter for once, compared to what we're getting for people's 5th character days, enough to talk again. Will see how I continue to feel. Still taking it easy)

[mandos-mind-trick]

Stella

Summary: You never thought it would happen. It wasn't supposed to, but it did. You're on the run from the Empire, pregnant with Crosshair's child. Feelings come to light and you get the chance to live your dream life both with the man you love, and your child's father.

Pairing: Hunter x reader, previous Crosshair x reader

Warnings: Pregnancy, unplanned pregnancy, brief discussions of abortion, mentions of a casual relationship, lots of discussion of pregnancy related stuff, lots of feelings, repressed feelings, description of labor but nothing graphic, may cause baby fever, brief mention of PTSD, major AU, kind of a crappy ending.

A/N: This was originally a very early version of how Midnight was gonna play out and I decided to change it and make it it's own story. I was going to post this for Father's Day but I just couldn't get a good feel for it that day and so I'm posting it a few days late. I'd also like to say I've never given birth, I based most of this off of what I learned going through my landlords pregnancy while she still lived with us.

Part 2 here

MASTERLIST

It comes out of nowhere. 

The nausea, the uncontrollable vomiting. The smells. You know they don’t smell good. Getting them to shower is like trying to brush a tooka. You had quickly grown accustomed to the sweaty man stench that permeated the air in the ship, only noticing it when it got exceedingly bad. 

Now it’s almost unbearable. 

You groan, pressing your head back into the wall behind you. Every little movement of the ship is sending your stomach rolling, but there’s nothing left in it to puke back up. You’re exhausted, but the thought of sleep is so far from your mind. 

“Are you...alright?” The gentle hand on your shoulder is almost too much. 

Sweet, sweet Hunter always looking out for you. 

“Don’t feel good.” You murmur, your words almost a slur in an attempt to move as little as possible. The last thing you need is to puke again. 

He moves away from you, speaking quietly with someone. You crack your eyes open as the presence returns, this one a little different. You jerk back as a datapad is thrust in your face, your hand weakly batting at Tech’s arm. 

“Body temperature is normal.” He says, moving the datapad down as he scans your body. “No sign of any respiratory distress either.” He lowers the datapad as you smack his arm again. 

“‘M fine.” You murmur, curling up in a ball. “Nauseous.” 

“Yes, it’s likely just a stomach ailment.” Tech says, moving to stand. “Bacteria related, from either food or contaminated water.” 

“But we eat the same food.” Wrecker says, listening in on the conversation. 

“Yes, but we were designed to be resistant to most common illnesses that nat-borns can be ailed with. They pass through us with hardly any symptoms.” Tech says. 

“Lucky you.” You murmur, leaning your head against the wall. It’s cold and feels nice against your skin. 

“She’ll be fine in a day.” Tech says, unconcerned as always. 

***

You are not fine. 

Your stomach had settled a bit later that day, enough to eat a ration bar and chug some water. You’d gotten some sleep, at least for a few hours. 

Then you’d puked through the landing on Ord Mantell. 

You drag your feet as you follow the guys to Cid’s, exhausted from the constant sickness. You lean against the bar, considering downing a bottle to either knock you out or at least give you an excuse to be puking your guts out. 

“I want you to stay here.” Hunter says, pulling you aside. “No offense, but you’re not exactly in the best shape.” 

You nod. “No complaints. I don’t think I’d want to go anyway.” 

“Omega is staying too.” He says. 

“Oh good. Maybe she can kick some ass at dejarik again.” You jest. 

A smile pulls at Hunter’s mouth. You’re still making jokes which is a good sign. “Keep an eye on her.” 

You wave your hand. “Yeah, yeah. I’m not going anywhere.” 

You slump over towards one of the booths, stretching out on it. 

Your eyes snap open as something hits the table in front of you. You look up blearily, seeing a cup sitting there. “What is that?” You slur, pushing yourself to sit up. 

“Water.” Cid says. “The kid says you need it.” 

“Thanks.” You murmur, shocked she’s not charging you for it. 

“What’s the matter with you anyway, sassy?” Cid asks. 

“Been sick to my stomach the last couple days.” You say, taking a sip of the water. It’s room temperature, likely from the tap, but it’s still water. “Tech said it's probably some bacteria. Something I ate.” 

“You sure you’re not pregnant?” 

You sit up a little straighter, the fog clearing. You stare at Cid, wide eyed. “What?” 

Cid shrugs. “I just figured, cute thing like you cooped up on a ship with a bunch of men...” She begins walking away. “They’re a bunch of fools if they haven’t even tried.” 

They have.

Successfully.

It started because you hated each other. Crosshair pushed your buttons more than anyone you’d ever met. He enjoyed it, pushing you to the point you were seeing red. He rarely ever saw consequences, Hunter stepping in before you could break his teeth or rearrange his face. 

You hated him. He was rude, crass, and downright mean to you for literally no reason other than things that were out of your control. You hadn’t chosen to be added to their squad. In fact, you would have preferred literally anything else. They weren’t unkind, well, most of them weren’t, you just weren’t happy about being cooped up in a far too small space with four, eventually five, men. 

Something shifted after you quite literally saved their asses. The 100% success rate would have been broken had you not been there to save the day. 

That was the first time you and Crosshair fucked. 

He had been seething, more so at his own failure and you having to be the one that saved the day, than anything else. You had wound up pinned to the fresher wall, his hips slamming into yours as his teeth drew blood on your neck and shoulders and his fingers left bruises on your hips. 

It became something after that. 

Hate fucking turned into just fucking which turned into...something. 

You wouldn’t call it love, at least not to him. You’re not sure he’s capable of that much. Lust, perhaps, was a better word. 

You fucked after every mission. Even between missions. You fucked in the fresher, in the bunks, even once in his bunk on Kamino. 

You felt bad for Hunter, but he never complained. 

He’d been the one to hold you while you cried endlessly about Crosshair’s betrayal. When you’d shut down, going through the basic emotions because a switch had been flipped in Crosshair and he’d turned into someone else. Someone who didn’t care. 

You’re still not over it, but at least you can ignore the pain now. 

Or, you thought you could. 

It couldn’t be possible. You both had implants. It was supposed to be impossible. 

It would have been...right before Kaller. 

That only makes it so much worse. 

****

Your hands are shaking as you make your way down the street. You had left Omega with Cid, not telling her where you were going, but she probably knew. You hadn’t even thought it could be a possibility. The symptoms checked out, though. The nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to stimuli. All the stereotypical signs you knew of. 

You hope to the Maker it’s some sort of bacteria, some foreign parasite slowly eating your insides. 

The clinic isn’t difficult to find. It’s tucked away in a corner, inconspicuous, unless you’re looking for it. You had considered going to the medical center, but you couldn’t trust they wouldn’t report you to the Empire. You had to be on some sort of wanted list now. 

So you had sought out a rather sketchy private clinic, paying upfront. You’re led back into a small room with old medical equipment. You take a seat on the table, anxiously awaiting the doctor’s arrival. 

An older woman steps into the room, giving you a quick once over. You probably look like most of her clientele. Young, desperate, nervous. You tell her why you’re there, the symptoms you’ve been experiencing. She instructs you to lay on the table, doing a quick scan head to toe. You stare at the screen, watching the results pop up. 

“There.” She points at a small dot in your uterus. “There’s a fetus, all right.” 

She zooms in, showing the small, deformed looking thing that could barely be described as human-like. Tears blur your vision for a moment and you hastily blink them back. 

“But...but how? We both have the...the implant.” You ask. 

“Implants are only 99% effective.” She answers. “They work most of the time, but then there’s still that 1%. If the conditions are right, viable pregnancy is still possible.” She studies the scan. “I’d say you’re about 8 weeks in. Still well within the realm of a safe termination, if that’s what you want.” 

You should. You can’t raise a child. Even if circumstances were different, you’re by no means capable of taking care of another human being. But...this is Crosshair’s baby. This may be the only part of him you ever get to see again. Can you really throw him away so easily like this? 

“I...I don’t know.” You whisper, staring at the screen still. 

“Well, I’ll remove your implant while you decide. Keeping it in any longer runs the risk of harm to the fetus. Replacing it will be easy.” You barely feel it, the quick cut and pull and then the cold bacta spray. You’ve gone numb. “Think on it.” She says, patting your shoulder. “Come back if you decide.” 

You walk out of the clinic in a daze. You’re not sure where you’re going, the world around you spinning. You’re pregnant. You’re pregnant with Crosshair’s baby. There’s a baby inside you. You feel like you may be sick. 

***

You’re not sure where you are. You’ve been wandering. You’re not even sure how long. You’re half dazed and lost. Even if you had been in your right mind, you’re not sure you could have found your way back now. You should stop, you should sit down, find a map, anyone that can point you where to go. 

You can’t stop walking. 

If you stop moving, you’ll have to feel. 

You don’t want to feel. 

You nearly walk straight into someone’s chest, a strong hand grips your arm to keep you standing. Your name is being called, drawing you from your dazed state. You look up, meeting a familiar pair of brown eyes. 

“Echo.” You say, blinking in surprise. 

It must be far later than you thought. 

“I’ve located her.” He says into his comm, looking you over. “She appears unhurt.” He holds you at arm length again, staring down at you. “What could you possibly be doing clear across town?” 

“I’m...what?” You look around. You don’t recognize anything. 

He pulls you slightly closer, looking at your eyes, checking your head. “No head injury that I can see. Cid said you left on an errand. You’ve been gone for hours.” 

“Oh.” Is all you can say. 

“Hunter is not pleased.” 

The words bring tears to your eyes. Of course he’s not. You’re in for a brutal reprimanding when you return. You’re not sure you can handle it. You don’t have much of a choice as Tech all but pulls you along behind him in the streets, leading you back towards the spaceport. 

At least Cid wouldn’t have to bear witness to your reprimanding. 

You’re already in tears by the time you’re climbing the steps to the Marauder, the others already back. Hunter turns on you as soon as you enter, his face stern and eyes practically blazing. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” He snaps, stomping towards you. “Running off alone like that, wandering around the city unprotected. You put all of us at risk being that careless!” 

“Hunter,” Echo warns, taking a step closer to the angry clone, but Hunter ignores him. 

“You can’t keep making these stupid mistakes. What if you had been seen? What if something had happened? You left Omega alone, wandered off somewhere doing what? What was so important that you selfishly put all of us at risk?” 

You can’t help it. You deserve the reprimanding for being so careless, but you still can’t help it. The tears come, flooding down your cheeks and dripping onto the floor of the Marauder. A sob tears from your lips, your body folding in on itself as you cry. 

Hunter and the others blink in surprise. You never cry. Not all the times you’d been injured, not when you watched the regs shoot General Billaba, not when Crosshair had betrayed all of you. You wanted to. You desperately wanted to cry over Crosshair, over losing everything, but you hadn’t. 

Now everything comes out at once. 

“I’m pregnant.” You sob, squeezing your eyes shut, hoping it might stop the tears. It doesn’t. They still keep falling. 

The Marauder is still in stunned silence. Your legs threaten to give out, Tech guiding you into one of the seats. You bury your face in your hands, unable to stop the tears from falling. 

Echo puts a gentle hand on your shoulder, kneeling down next to you. “It’s Crosshair’s, isn’t it?” 

You nod, inhaling shakily. “Eight weeks. Right before Kaller.” 

“But you both have implants.” Echo says. “That should be impossible.” 

“Technically the implants are only 99% effective. Though the chance is small, there’s still a chance of pregnancy even with both parties being protected.” Tech says. “We’ll need to remove the implant if you intend on seeing the pregnancy through.” 

“Are you going to keep it?” Echo asks. 

“I don’t know.” You sigh. “I shouldn’t. I can’t raise a baby in this. It’s too dangerous. The Empire and bounty hunters chasing us, the dangerous missions we’re being sent on. We live on a ship that’s too small for us already, I can’t have a baby in here. I shouldn’t.” 

“But...it’s Crosshair’s.” Echo says, voicing the unspoken.

You curl in on yourself again, wrapping your arms around yourself. You’re not sure you’re ready to let Crosshair go yet. 

“I think you should take some time. Consider your options.” Echo says. 

“We don’t have time.” You croak. “I can’t go on missions like this.” 

“We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” Hunter finally says. “I think we all need to get some sleep.” 

He at least has the heart to look guilty. 

***

You can’t sleep. 

You had ensured them you were fine on the floor still, at least for now. You knew you weren’t going to sleep, so the thought of taking one of their spots is too much. You’re not sure what you’re going to do. You don’t want to terminate the pregnancy, but you may not have a choice. You can always leave, go off on your own. You don’t want to, though. The boys are like family now. 

You rise from the floor, heading towards the front of the ship. Hunter is in the cockpit, having stayed up to keep watch. You’re still in the dock on Ord Mantell, and the ship is locked and secured, but still he insisted on staying up. 

You sit in the pilot’s seat, not bothering to announce yourself. He knows. He probably knew you weren’t sleeping. 

It’s quiet between you two for a few moments. You’re both staring out the viewport, refusing to look at each other. 

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier.” He finally says, glancing at you. “I had no idea.” 

“You couldn’t have known.” You say. “Cid was the one that suggested it. When I told her I was sick she immediately asked if I was pregnant. I had to know. I went to some backdoor clinic. Somewhere that wouldn’t ask questions.” 

“Do you want to keep it?” He asks. 

“It’s a baby, Hunter.” You chastise. Over the last few hours, you’d been thinking more and more about the fact there’s an actual human growing inside of you.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” 

You finally look at him, meeting his gaze. It's the serious look you recognize, the look of a Sergeant worried about one of the soldiers under his command. But there's something deeper. Something more under that gaze. 

"The smart thing is to terminate. You know that and I know that." You say. "Before the war, I never thought about having children. I never considered it. I never wanted it. But then Omega came into our lives and...I started to think maybe I do want a family. Maybe I do want children." You look back out the viewport. "I don't want to keep the baby just because of Crosshair. That wouldn't be fair." You shake your head. "The war's over. If the situation had been different, I would have gone back to my life and had to decide what comes next. Maybe...maybe I want to settle down. Maybe I want kids and a house and a boring job. I don’t want to leave, but...Hunter I’m tired.” You turn to look at him again. 

“I know.” He says. The look is still there in his eyes. He knows. He knows better than any of them. “It’s your decision. Whatever you decide to do, you know we’ll support you completely. I think you’ll make a great mother.” 

You smile, leaning your head back against the seat. “Thanks. In my daydreams about my life, I’m not a single mother, but I guess some things don’t happen in the order you expect them to.” 

“Crosshair isn’t the...paternal type.” Hunter says. “Even if he knew...” 

You shake your head. “Crosshair wasn’t ever part of those daydreams.” He looks at you in surprise, but your gaze is out the viewport again. “I know he didn’t love me. I don’t even think he liked me. We fucked because it was easy. Stress relief. I...I don’t think I loved him either. He...He was rough. He hurt me sometimes, but I never said anything. I know he needed it, and it was easy to pretend with him.” You lift one of your legs, resting your heel on the edge of the seat. “I...I liked someone else when I first joined. But they were unattainable, and Crosshair just...jumped right in. I don’t regret it. I knew it would end when the war did. I just never thought I’d be here.” 

“I don’t think any of us did.” Hunter says. “None of us could have guessed what was going to happen two months ago. I never knew how you felt about Crosshair. I thought...maybe he was the one you liked. I could hear your heart rate pick up, the way your breathing quickened, I could smell the sweat, see and hear every little nervous twitch and shift. I thought it was about him. I tried not to let it bother me. I shouldn’t have...I would have been decommissioned if anyone just heard my thoughts.” 

You turn the seat, staring at him wide eyed. Your heart is pounding harder than it was a moment ago. “Hunter...” 

“I was in love with you from the first time we met. You already knew our names, knew all about us. You...cared. Kriff, I wanted to tell you. I wanted to confess, but I knew it was a risk. Then Crosshair...I had to accept that you didn’t feel the same way.” 

Tears pool in your eyes once more as you stare at him. Had he felt the same way? Had he been willing all this time, even after you had fallen in bed with Crosshair to forget? 

Hunter moves from the copilot seat, kneeling in front of you. “I’ll find us a place, somewhere safe to settle down. Someplace you can have your house and your family and Omega can be a kid. Just tell me that I’m the one in that daydream.” 

A tear slides down your cheek as you stare at him. “You can be.” 

He cups your face, brushing the tear from your cheek. “Can I kiss you?” 

You nod, closing your eyes as he leans in. The kiss is soft, hesitant but you can feel the emotion behind it. All those times he’d had to lay there, all those times he’d been forced to listen to you and Crosshair and he never said anything. 

He wraps his arms around you, tugging you onto the edge of the seat. You feel tears prick your eyes once more. He shushes you, pressing small kisses against your lips. 

“Hunter.” You quietly sob, trying to pull away. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He says, pulling you against his chest. “I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt, but I thought you were happy and that’s all I ever wanted. I could live with it, so long as you were happy.” 

You cling to him tighter, clutching onto the edges of his armor. You hate crying. You hate it, but you can’t stop. “Stupid pregnancy hormones.” You cry. “I hate this.” 

“It’s alright.” He says, rubbing your back. “We’ll get through this.” 

His words don’t help, only making you cry harder. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve the whole galaxy, cyare.” He says, kissing the side of your head. “While I can’t give all that to you, I’ll give you what I can.” 

***

You don’t get your chance to find your new home right away. 

Instead you find yourselves back on Kamino. You had avoided all of the action, Hunter refusing to allow you to join them. 

You stand on the landing platform, staring at Crosshair. It’s been weeks since you’ve seen him. The last time, he’d been so willing to kill you for the Empire. You also hadn’t known at that time that you were pregnant. 

You walk up to him, staring hard at him. He glares at you, not unusual for him. He was being stubborn, determined not to come with you despite the Empire having just tried to kill all of you. You know they don’t care. However loyal he is, he’ll never be anything but expendable to them, just like to the Republic. 

“Crosshair,” You hate the way your voice wavers. “I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant and it’s yours.” 

His glare hardens, staring hard at you. He knows you’re not lying, at least about being pregnant. You’re beginning to show, hardly more than a small bump but it’s very noticeable that it hadn’t been there before. 

“You deserve to know that what happened between us was nothing more than physical.” You continue. “I never really had true feelings for you. I don’t expect you to be with me. I don’t expect you to even be a parent to this child, but they deserve to have you in their life, and you deserve to be in theirs. So march your ass over there and get on that ship.” You point behind you at the ship. 

He narrows his eyes at you. “Why would I want to do that?” 

“Don’t be a prick, you know damn well that the Empire doesn’t care about you. You’re expendable to them, just like you were to the Republic.” You curse the tears gathering in your eyes. “Your brothers love you, Crosshair. Yes, they left and I can attest to the fact they regret it. Get your ass on that ship now before I have Wrecker come out here and drag you on board.” 

He continues to glare at you for a moment before his shoulders sag a bit. You know you’ve gotten to him, but you don’t back down, even as he walks past you. He climbs the steps to the ship slowly, passing Hunter as he goes. Hunter puts a hand on your back, and you feel a bit of a weight come off your shoulders. Crosshair’s back and safe, and you’re all dead in the Empire’s eyes. 

***

You put a hand on your stomach, breathing for a moment. The pressure is getting worse, something you can no longer ignore. You push yourself to stand, making your way towards the fresher. 

“Again?” Crosshair asks as you pass the couch. 

“Well, if your child would stop kicking me in the bladder, I wouldn’t have to go so much.” You snap, though you’re not so much angry as annoyed. 

It’s been nine months since that fateful day before Kaller, nine months since your lives had changed and fallen apart. You’ve been working hard to piece your lives back together slowly. It will never go back to being the same, and you all know that. 

Finding this planet has been a lifesaver. Far off the beaten track, filled with nothing but farmlands, it hadn’t been hard to decide this was your new home. You had found an abandoned, worn down place and fixed it up, making it your own. Tech had built more than enough rooms, but they had quickly realized sleeping alone was a lot harder when you’d had someone around you your entire life. 

Wrecker had quickly moved into Tech’s room, both of them usually keeping different sleep schedules, and Tech usually passed out hard enough Wrecker’s snoring didn’t bother him. Crosshair had moved into Echo’s room silently, both of them still plagued by nightmares. Omega was the only one thrilled to have her own room, and a real bed. 

Of course, you and Hunter had taken the largest room, which had quickly become stuffed with things for the baby. 

You knew the change had been a bit jarring for Crosshair. Even if he hadn’t felt much of anything for you, you hadn’t missed the jealousy that had crossed his face whenever you and Hunter were close. He never said anything, he never acted on anything, just silently brooding as he usually did. 

Things changed when you’d held him one night, his head in your lap, fingers laced with his as he shivered through another nightmare. Something shifted between you two, an understanding. Even though you weren’t involved physically with each other any more, he was still the father of your child. You still cared for him and wanted him around. 

You were in love with Hunter, but you still cared about Crosshair. 

It had come so easily, the love and affection between you and Hunter. He loved your unborn child like she was his, even if she was technically his brother’s baby. Tech had proudly jumped in, correcting you that since they were clones, technically the baby could genetically be all of theirs. Of course, with Crosshair’s enhancements, it was uncertain how much they would affect the baby, how much of those enhancements would pass on to offspring. 

That only made you worry, and it often kept you up at night. Would something like their accelerated growth pass on? It was hard enough coming to terms that you would likely outlive all of them. You can’t stand the thought of outliving your children too. 

You sink down on the couch next to Crosshair after finishing in the fresher. He passes a sideways glance at you before going back to whatever he was doing on his datapad. You let out a sigh, stretching your legs out. Your feet and ankles are swollen, something you’ve come to terms with. They’re always swollen, always aching. Something’s always hurting. 

Being pregnant certainly had its ups and downs. Did you regret it? No, but you couldn’t wait for it to be over. Of course, once it was over, there was an entirely new battle to face. You’d have a newborn baby, another human entirely reliant on you to care for them. That idea scared you more than actual childbirth. 

You lean your head back, relaxing on the couch in the quiet of the house. Wrecker, Tech, and Echo were in the barn working on some upgrades before the harvest season. Hunter had gone into town to pick up Omega from a friend’s house. It was just you and Crosshair, both of you happy to sit in silence. 

You’re nearly asleep when the door opens, Omega and Hunter coming in. Omega is talking about something animatedly, Hunter only halfway listening.

“Why don’t you go get cleaned up then you can help start dinner.” He says, steering her down the hallway. He bends down, kissing the top of your head. “Feeling alright, cyare?” He murmurs, leaning over the back of the couch. 

You open your eyes, smiling up at him. “Yeah. But if I have to visit the ‘fresher one more time because this baby is kicking me in the bladder, I might scream.” 

He chuckles lightly, kissing your forehead. “She’s going to be a fighter.” 

“She already is. She’s been beating me up for six months.” You pout. “I can’t wait until she’s here.” 

“Tech says any day now. If she’s not here in two weeks, we may have to consider inducing.” 

You make a face. “I’d rather not. It’s bad enough Tech is going to be the third member of this squad to see my vagina.” 

Crosshair’s shoulders shake as he laughs silently. 

“We might as well invite Wrecker and Echo in, make it a full set.” You push yourself up from the couch. “Everyone gets to see my vagina.” You start making your way down the hall. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to scream in the ‘fresher.” 

***

You can’t sleep. It’s early, the sky still dark out the window. Hunter is awake too, his arms wrapped around you, cradling your stomach. She’s been moving a lot, every time you’d settled and gotten close enough to rest, she’d move again, pushing on some organ inside you. 

You’d given up on sleeping. Hunter had snoozed for a bit, but he’d been awake most of the night too. He had told you not only could he hear her heartbeat, but he could also hear her moving. It freaked you out, and you can only imagine how he feels. His nose is pressed against your neck, inhaling deeply. 

“Are you smelling me?” You ask quietly. It wasn’t unusual, he smelled you more than what most would consider normal, but you knew with his senses he could pick up even the smallest change if he focused. 

“I think it’s going to happen soon.” He says, kissing your shoulder. “She sounds different.” 

You sigh. “I hope so. I can’t stand this waiting.” 

You’d lost your mucus plug a week ago. Tech had said she could come at any time now. AZI’s predicted due date was technically tomorrow, but if you didn’t go into labor by next week, Tech said you’d need to be induced. 

You were hoping that was not going to be needed. You’ve been having some light cramping since yesterday, but nothing substantial. 

You smooth your hands over your stomach, breathing out a sigh. “Come on, baby girl. I know you want out as much as I want you out.” You push yourself up to sit, rubbing your eyes. “Hunter?” He grunts in response. “Will you get me some of the leftover meat from last night?” 

You can practically hear his smile as he pushes himself up. “You want some fruit too?” 

“No, just the meat.” 

He gets up, heading down the hall to the kitchen. He had grown used to your strange cravings quickly, keeping many things on hand just in case. There was never any waste, as Wrecker would eat anything and everything you didn’t want. You move to the rocking chair in the corner, hoping you can get her to settle enough that you can get some sleep. Once you go into labor, you know sleep will be impossible. 

Half the day passes and there’s no sign yet. The cramps have started to increase a bit, getting more uncomfortable than painful. Hunter sticks close, watching and waiting. He’s hovering a bit, but you know it’s just what he’s going to do. 

You spend a lot of the day on the couch, trying to relax and sleep as much as possible. You get up every so often, stretching your legs. You’re in the kitchen when it happens, something wet leaking down your thighs. 

“Well, either this is very embarrassing, or my water just broke.” You say. 

Chaos erupts, both Hunter and Tech trying to see. Omega is jumping excitedly as Echo tries to contain her, poor Wrecker looking around confused. Crosshair is the only calm one, seated at the table. The only movement he makes is moving the toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other. 

You move into the bedroom as planned, having refused Tech’s offer to give birth in his lab. It was much more sterile, he insisted, but you wanted to be comfortable. This was already going to be awful, the least you could get was some comfort. 

The contractions begin to get stronger into the night, most of what you had to do now was more waiting. At least things were moving. Sometime in the next two days the baby would come. You shift through various positions sitting and standing, just trying to be comfortable through the contractions. Tech and Hunter wait patiently, Hunter helping support you when needed. AZI does regular scans, checking on the baby’s progress, making sure she’s not in distress. 

The only thing that’s missing is Crosshair.

You wanted him to be present for the birth, since this was his daughter. He deserved to see the birth of his child. Even if he wanted nothing to do with her, he deserved to see her be born. 

“Go tell Crosshair to get his toothpick chewing ass in here.” You grit out after another contraction. They’re getting closer and closer together, the time getting closer and closer. 

Hunter steps out, leaving you leaning against the side of the bed. He returns shortly after, Crosshair stepping in. Whatever Hunter had said, it had motivated him without much of an argument. 

You wave him over, leaning against his chest. “I’m gonna kill you after this.” You murmur, wrapping your arms around him. “This sucks.” 

He wisely keeps his mouth shut, wrapping his arms around you. You squeeze him as another contraction tears through you, the night getting later and later. 

It’s not until early in the morning when it happens. Hunter sits behind you, propping you up and supporting you. Crosshair kneels beside the bed, holding your hand as you push. Tech kneels at the end of the bed, AZI keeping a live scan to make sure everything is going fine. 

You’re half delirious, weak and exhausted as you bring your daughter into the world. Tech lays her on your chest, getting the warm rags to clean her off. Tears blur your vision as you listen to her cry, letting go of Hunter and Crosshair to hold her. She’s so small, so delicate. You can hardly believe it’s happened, it’s finally over. 

Tech has to practically pry her from your arms to check her over and clean her up, Hunter helping clean you up. He and Crosshair get you settled in bed, Tech bundling your daughter in a blanket before passing her off to you. 

You hold her, staring down at her in awe. You can hardly believe she’s really here, your baby is finally here with you. She’s so tiny and pink, with a shock of white hair on top of her head. You smile, tears rolling down your cheeks as you stare at her. 

“She’s so beautiful.” You whisper, holding her close. “You made a beautiful baby, Crosshair.”

“I think that’s all you.” He says, moving closer to you as Hunter all but shoves him closer. 

You smile. “Would you like to hold her?” 

He blinks at you for a moment. You shift, offering her over. He takes her hesitantly, like he’s scared of breaking her. You adjust her in his arms, making sure they’re both comfortable. He stares down at her for a long time, like he can’t believe he really made her, like she’s not real. 

You smile, watching him as his eyes soften a bit, his finger lifting to trace her cheek. She opens her eyes, staring up at him. They look like little shining stars, and you hope they’ll be brown like his. 

“Have you thought of a name?” Tech asks, cleaning up the rest of the mess. 

You had discussed it with both Hunter and Crosshair, the latter being less enthusiastic about having to choose. You wanted his input, even if he was positive he wanted nothing to do with raising her. 

“Stella.” Crosshair answers, still staring down at her face. 

You had brought that name forward as an option, adding it to the neverending list of possibilities. You had decided to wait to officially choose, wanting one that would match her perfectly. 

You glance at Hunter and he gives a small nod. “Stella it is.” 

Hunter wraps his arms around you, letting you lean against his chest. “Get some rest, mesh’la.” He says, kissing your head. “You did a lot of work. She’s in good hands.” 

Crosshair glances up at Hunter, Hunter giving him a reassuring smile. Maybe he does want to be part of her life after all. 

Taglist:

@bobaprint, @star-trekker-0013, @rosechi, @lune-de-miel-au-paradis

[kaddyssammlung]

Okay. Let's do this mister Vessel (or whoever posted this. Sometimes I think it's you hiding in the main account. Hiding in plain sight...right?! XD ) More under the cut because of mental health things and I also write down how I found "it" out. You get what I mean.

Beginning of 2023 YouTube kept showing me reactions to Sleep Token's the Summoning. So I decided to listen to that song. I had checked them out in 2020 already but I did not really get them back then. And I am still beating myself up over this. But whatever....

I recognized that name but was not really aware of the fact that I had already seen “The Offering” from them. Back then I was confused by the lyrics.

So I listened to The Summoning and also Chokehold. All of this was in January of 2023 but I don't remember an exact date.

My brother and I share the same taste in music and we both liked those two songs. I remember driving to work with him and having wild discussions about the songs and especially their sound. They do sound so different and they still sound so different then any other band that I know. I really, really, really liked their music. My obsession came online fast at that point. I preordered “Take Me Back To Eden” because I wanted to have the CD as soon as it got released. Meanwhile I started to dive into all of their all songs. I read the name “The Summoning” again and remembered that I had heard that way back. I read the lyrics again and started to kind of understand them.

Not long, only a few days after having found them, my brother was like “have you heard who is behind that band?” I did not even care that much about it, so I said no. My brother also did not really know but he just told me what he knew. The same day YouTube suggested a song to me with a thumbnail that showed a shy-looking guy with a guitar. Sometimes you only look at something and know right away. So yeah....I watched that video and read the comments....

I never really thought about that in a sense that: it makes no difference to me. It never has. I have basically always known who they were ever since finding them. It was meant to be in a way.

I started to slowly get into the fandom. I felt weird and disconnected at that time. I really liked their lyrics and their lyrics spoke to me. They also reminded me of my own mental health issues. But at the same time I noticed themes of hope and getting stronger and leaving the past behind and growing strong through suffering. Or other spiritual themes. I was hoping to find peeps in that fandom that are like me and that get what I say, even the “weird topics” such as spirituality. I read through reddit (the normal big because the “other one” did not even exist back then) and also discord and well..hmm...maybe I was a bit disappointed. All of this surface-level shallow stuff XD. I don't mean this as an offense it's just what it felt like. So I decided to share some insight and long story short: it turned ugly on discord fast.

But I always had my little tumblr. Fun fact: I've been on tumblr since its existence. I have deleted my original tumblr a long time ago. It was a “romanticizing mental illness / being pro ana” type of blog. Then I had a recovery blog, fitgirl inspiration blog, Children of Bodom fanblog (that I still have) anyway.

None of those were what this is. I don't just mean this in regards to Sleep Token but more in general.

So...Discord almost destroyed this fandom for me but I did not let it happen. I mean it's also my mental health that got in the way.

Two years back I fell into the biggest whole that I've been in since a long time. This whole childhood sa topic and I had just swallowed down. But something in the lyrics always reminded me of not resolved trauma. So...finally coming out of this. Thanks to Vessel and his lyrics and also my need to explain those lyrics. In the summer of 2023 I found Kerry. She has a video that talks about “The Gods” and Vessel sings about “The Gods” and I wanted to know who the f* “the Gods” were so I started to get into her content.

A journey.....a weird journey ever since January of 2023 and strange synchronicity and all kinds of other things have lead to where I am now. 2025.....the era of truth has begun (it has something to do with spirituality again and nothing with that fandom). Let's see what I can say in a year. I don't know yet.

So...

Thank you :)

[howlingmoonrise]

Hi! Same anon here! Don't worry I barely sent the ask like a day ago :P

Thank you for giving such a detailed answer! I gotta say, I never considered the Ds to be akin to plants (I did think of them being the chinese equivalent to kamis tho, I think the term was xia?) but I can see what you mean by that, maybe like trees? I like the idea of sentient sacred trees taking on human forms, wouldn’t it be cool if the "real" Tsuki-hime was one of their kind?

In a less serious note, when I read the plant part, my dumb ass brain started to think about Trigun, and Vash as a plant being in his universe with completely opposed ideology to the Ds, the one of unwavering love and faith in humanity despite most humans in Trigun being far worse than any of the literal evil ones in PSOH, and what would happen if they ever met :'D

Also, do you have any theories on why our D was sick and apparently needed a transplant of some sort? Personally I always thought that he may have been born "flawed" either due to their kind's equivalent to genetic degradation on their biology, or alternatively a literal manifestation of the ideals conflict between Sofu D and Papa D? Both?

Sorry if I ask too many questions, I had no idea PSOH had a surviving fandom until the 7seas announcement!!

huh. you know. i was fairly sure the term kami had been mentioned in at least one of the translations but i just checked the last two chapters in both and apparently not? though the el dorado chapter seems to confirm the meaning if not the name when it mentions the touch of a "dying god" and accepts d's blood, at a minimum; i'm not sure if the japanese original text uses the word "kami" either, but it's possible.

anyway, i've been kind of going with the assumption that they're something similar to that - not exactly gods in the western divinity sense, but more like beings of the land. i probably absorbed the term kami in regards to the Ds from fandom, but now that you mention it, it doesn't make all that much sense since he's chinese. the term in question in chinese seems to be "shen" (written with the same character) but it doesn't appear to be an exact equivalent in terms of meaning. i'll have to look more into it!

yeah the plant thing for me comes from several occasions generally associated with d and life/death (as mentioned before, the gattolotto extra, d entering a state of despair, d's blood turning into rare plants when he's running from vesca, d being taken over by plants when falling into despair, the plant core of the papasplosion) and also from the hilarity of leon only ever getting anywhere with a lady if they're plants (as per the flowers and the detective extras) and d lowkey also being one and following this trend 😂 though that latter bit is more the shipper goggles than anything lmfao

BUT!!! MORE IMPORTANTLY!!!! *rubs hands together* you fool! you just activated my trap card when it comes to talking about d's illness and all issues surrounding it! i love discussing this topic and poking fun at the tokyopop translation and putting up a murderboard full of red string for theories!

okay so the first thing you need to know is that the tokyopop translation took some. liberties. and is not entirely accurate. they seem to paint papa as far more of a villain and sofu as far more of a saint than they are, for one, and an important implication about d's health kinda goes in the wrong direction based on this. as such, if you only read the tp translation, you may be caught off-guard by some of what i'll say below.

once again under the cut because i'm a rambler!

things we know about d's illness:

needs sugar to keep from getting faint/dizzy

extremely low endurance at times (which makes leon think that he might have a heart condition) that either triggers or is triggered by his illness, as per the dragon chapter

may or may not be related to his eye (either as a symptom or a cause)

some sort of pain attack is involved? in the donor chapter we see him hover his hand in front of his throat, though it might be while it's in motion to go elsewhere, such as his heart (the dragon chapter has both the highlights near the throat, but the hand placed by his heart/lungs)

papa mentions to the pseudo-sister that d's body was "born incomplete" - whether this is true, he thought it was true (more on this below), or it was a simplification for her sake (as she had the mentality of a child) is not clear

d apparently is lacking several things, or they are in the process of failing (also as per the donor chapter). THAT BEING SAID, there is an interesting point here

needs sugar to keep from getting faint/dizzy

may or may not be associated with his eye

some sort of pain attack is involved? in the donor chapter we see him hover his hand in front of his throat

the illness has been present for at least several years, presumably for as long as d can remember (though not necessarily from birth; more on this later)

papa has been studying and trying to cure this illness also for years

after d drinks a "medicine" processed from the orangutan hybrid's body the symptoms seem to stop - i'm pointing this out as more of a curiosity thing, because on other occasions d couldn't as much as eat fish flakes without some ominous remarks about his bloodlust almost awakening again or something of the sort (you'll excuse me if i don't go looking for this particular quote right now)

papa mentions to the pseudo-sister that d's body was "born incomplete" - whether this is true, he thought it was true (more on this below), or it was a simplification for her sake (as she had the mentality of a child) is not clear

d's body had several things apparently lacking or in the process of failing (also as per the donor chapter). THAT BEING SAID, there is an interesting point here

this post from one of tumblr user @chaikat's psoh liveblogging japanese translation notes (several of which you'll see me mention at other times in this post because the info in there is just THAT crunchy) points out the following:

When Nue Erh says she’ll give D what he lacks, the part where she says “my eyes” in the eng version is actually specifically “this eye” in the jp version.

keep this quote in mind for a bit!

and now, back to the revelations of the final chapters!

aka, the panels that give me fucking brainworms:

uh??? hello??? one could understand that endless asexual reproduction of the same being through centuries would eventually result in mutations, and in fact it was under this assumption that i laboured when i first read psoh, but this conversation points to a different cause entirely, originating from sofu's interference.

doesn't help that the tokyopop version is wildly different, too:

tokyopop's version doesn't seem have anything to do with either d's illness or eye whatsoever, alas 😬 and considering several of their past instances of mistranslations and ad-libbing on this manga, i'm far less likely to believe their version of events.

another detail i didn't notice on my first go-arounds: the fact that the first words sofu d says in response to papa's accusation imply that the undertaking of q-chan's form took a sacrifice, and that this is related to d's eye. it took me this other translation notes liveblog post to realize that the two things were connected, since there's an entire other page with side-comments in the middle breaking up the dialogue flow.

ANOTHER most excellent thing that chaikat's commentary brings up and that i haven't seen on either translation is that sofu specifically mentions using the eye, or the term yorishiro:

(small text above Grandpa D): I borrowed one eye for the yorishiro.

i cannot claim to be even remotely close to an expert on shintoism, so here's a quote from wikipedia (which might or might not be correct) regarding yorishiro:

Yorishiro were conceived to attract the kami and then give them a physical space to occupy to make them accessible to human beings for ceremonies

i'm not sure if sofu d used it as this exact purpose, or if there's any sort of tradition in manga to lend it a slightly different meaning (jshk for example uses it as an artifact that stores the powers of the being connected to it, and something similar to this would make some sense to me here since he's shifting into a different form and putting his powers/presence away). either way, sofu has definitely used at least a portion of d's body for his own purposes without consent, so we cannot discard him using more.

*puts tinfoil hat on* it is at this point i bring up our precious orangutan sister's words again! she's listing the things she was made to replace in d's body, with the specificity of one singular eye. coincidence? i think not! i'm not entirely sure i agree that she means the left eye as considered in chaikat's post, but as an exercise let's think up the motivations for both possibilities:

replacing the left eye (purple, papa's colour): implies that the eye that was interfered with by sofu has bypassed the illness, and d's original one remains imperfect and bound to deteriorate; implies also that papa/sister know that the right eye is not a concern when it comes to d's health situation, which does track with papa's later accusation

replacing the right eye (gold, sofu's colour): implies that something is wrong with that eye, in ways that go far beyond the bounds of d's illness, since the original one would be okay to leave as-is; since papa is aware that the gold eye was caused by sofu, it would make sense to want to replace it due to both his resentment for sofu and concern for d

it is also worth mentioning that sofu never seems to have devoted any time to trying to cure d's illness, unlike papa (who was deemed incapable of raising a child by sofu, which may or may not be true), and that his reaction to the death of both his son and stray animals in a forest fire is to not even blink twice.

sofu having removed d from papa's care, mixed with d having mismatched eyes as a child under sofu's care, and the fact that we don't really see a mention of q-chan being around at that time make me poke interestedly at sofu d - because even if you buy that he *checks notes* only traded his grandson's eye to turn into a tiny cute creature in order to keep an eye (heh) on him, that doesn't really... track with the timeline of when he actually left d alone and had cause to become q-chan? which makes me wonder what sofu's actual use for the eye was, since he presumably had it since d was around-ish maybe five years old. (remember me saying "for as long as d can remember, though not necessarily from birth"? yeah.)

does this mean that he caused the illness? probably not, but fun to think about in connection to everything else! especially because the main point i'd expect d to ask when papa mentions the mutations/changes resulting from the inumerous replications of the d line would be his ?now-cured? illness, but what he does actually ask about is his eyes, despite papa and sofu - supposedly perfect clones - also having eyes that differ from the other (papa's being purple, sofu's being gold). one would think the illness would be the priority, but no! unless the two things are connected, and-- *continues to add red string to the murderboard*

anyway this is the theory i find the most fun to play with!

slightly less unhinged ones would probably be just. you know. normal replication mutations and genetic degeneration and stuff? or if you go with the tokyopop translations and i remember correctly, there are some implications that papa experimented on d before sofu took him away, but take that with a grain of salt. another thing that comes to mind is also the alice/daughter chapter, where after several generations the resulting rabbits were killed by the sugar and stuff consumed by the original generation - it could also be something like that, because since they're clones their bodies wouldn't have changed to adapt to the times, different foods, different air quality, etc, which would translate into poison for the newest generations.

i hope i didn't go too far down the theory rabbit hole, oops! 😂

[seasonsofcapri]

Seasons of Capri 2023: Cycles & Circles - Masterlist!

Thanks to everyone who participated in the fest this year and made it such a success. Scroll down for the full masterlist, but here's a quick summary of what we did this year:

Fics submitted: 14

Fanart submitted: 3

Total number of words written: over 198,000, including four works in the 10,000-20,000 word range, and three that broke 30,000

We're so grateful to everyone who signed up and made all this incredible art. We couldn't do it without your love for these characters and this fandom! ❤️

And now, here are all of the wonderful creations for this year's fest:

Sexual Intercourse by antivillain

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.3k

Damen's healthy enough to engage in sexual intercourse. Laurent is (emotionally) healthy enough to tease Damen mercilessly for being so awkward and uncomfortable discussing the matter with Paschal. Paschal is not paid enough.

Tie Me Down, Set Me Free by @kiseopingu

Fic | 14.3k | Damen/Laurent

When Damen gets hired by his family's sworn rival to help track the man's younger brother, he doesn't expect the road to lead him to familiar places, and familiar faces. As for Laurent, his path to freedom is clear. It's only a matter of creating an opportunity to reach it.

As past and present slowly merge, both Damen and Laurent are forced to contend with their truths, whether they want to or not.

Jokeste’s Journey by @vmcgmidlifecrisis

Fic | Jokaste/OFC | 4.3k

Jokaste travels north, meets (original character) Drifa and gets some sexy fulfilment.

Beautiful, Beloved, Strong by bluehair

Fic | Erasmus/Kallias Erasmus/Torveld | 1.5k

My prompt for The Seasons of Capri Fest 2023 was: "Kallias schemes to save Erasmus with no hope of seeing him again--until one day, he does." Hope I did it justice! Because Kallias really would do anything for love.

Returning by flightinflame

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.4k

Damen knew the return to Arles would be hard for Laurent. He had not considered that it would be hard for himself.

The Stand-In Wedding Planner and the Obstinate Baker by penstrikesmidnight

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.8k

Auguste's wedding planner has decided to go on vacation a week before his wedding, leaving Laurent, the best man, to make sure everything is taken care of. If that's not enough, Laurent has to deal with an obstinate baker who seems intent on making his job as hard as possible.

There is absolutely no chemistry between them. At all.

Heat by @linecrosser

Art | Auguste/Laurent | Digital

While in the middle of a campaign in Delfeur with his older brother, the Crown Prince of Vere, Laurent goes into his first (late) heat at age 17 (totally triggered by the presence of Damen, the stupidly handsome Crown Prince of Akeilos). There are very few things more dangerous than having an Omega in heat while camping in enemy territory, and it's too late now for suppressants. Leaving Laurent to ride out the heat on his own would mean leaving it last for three days or more. Auguste has no option but to help Laurent through it by himself, so it will last no longer than a couple hours.

Red (like our spilled blood) by @pijulle

Fic | Kastor/Laurent Damen/Laurent Auguste/OFC | 39.6k

Akielos and Vere are at war, but maybe marrying the princess of Vere would help the two country finds a common ground - "The prince!" Auguste shouts. "Laurent is a prince!"

Star Crossed by @hephaest1on

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 35.2k

A story of Laurent Capulet and Damen Montague. A tale based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, of lovers who suffer because their families are feuding. A modern AU that leans on the themes and actions in Shakespeare's original play and plays on the issues young lovers face in a world where gossip is news.

if only to dream of you by @nv-md

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.4k

During negotiations with the Vaskians and Patrans, Laurent falls ill and Damen must leave him to lead their newly-forged kingdom.

After a week of quiet suffering, Damen returns to their bedchambers and attends his husband.

Ruin Your Salvation, Ruin Your Mind by pretend_i_dont_exist

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 10.2k

"I do not understand. I thought we had a truce, so I came here for peace." His voice had grown hard and dangerous. "Why?"

Silence for a moment. "You killed my brother. ------- Laurent has suffered a lot since his brother's death, but he survived to his wedding day, and he's looking forward to a quiet life with a man he appreciates. New life, new him, he decides to invite his brother' killer to the wedding to talk and make peace with himself (by murdering the guy).

In Another Life by @mosrael

Fic | Halvik/Jokaste | 43.8k

Jokaste is the pearl of Ios–beautiful, intelligent, revered–and the consort of the most powerful man in Akielos… Or so she thinks. When her chosen lover’s power is corrupted and usurped by a foreign faction, Jokaste must make the hardest decision of her life: remain in Akielos and meet a perilous fate–one she had a hand in crafting–or flee to seek her future elsewhere.

Or: when getting kidnapped, then kidnapped again turns out to be the best possible thing that could happen to a girl.

antidote by @banananamilks

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.7k

Auguste survives Marlas, but Damen still becomes our captive prince. Actually all three princes are kind of the captive prince. oops

Soldier, Poet, King by @bluebutter-art

Art | Damen/Laurent | Digital

Two years after the bells had rung, both Akielos and Vere celebrate the wedding of their two Kings, which coincidentally falls on Vere's Annual Autumn Festival.

Chasing Meridians; Or 26,00 Miles to Home by @not-a-coral-snake

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 17k

Laurent lives a life of quiet routine, until the day a few ill-chosen words, his uncle's malice, and his own inability to back down from a challenge see him wagering half his fortune on an impossible journey to the ends of the earth and back. Happily, or perhaps unhappily, his newly-hired valet is making the journey with him and has plenty of opinions about where they should go, what they should do, and de Vere himself.

An Around the World in Eighty Days au.

At the Drop of a Veil by @seekthemist

Fic | Damen /Laurent | 19.1k

The Battle of Marlas could have brought the relationship between Vere and Akielos to a breaking point, but it didn't. As the peace treaty is finally signed, King Aleron has a very clear idea of how to ensure the agreement is truly felt.

"Since the formal establishment of Vere and Akielos as independent reigns, there had been twelve peace treaties. The Peace of Marlas, signed by King Aleron and Theomedes-Exalted before the beginning of autumn, would be the thirteenth.

The thirteenth peace would not go down in the history of the Kingdom as an abject failure. Not if Laurent could help it."

By the Waterfall by @captaindamianos

Art | Damen/Laurent | Digital

Laurent is the god of winter, Damen is the god of summer. They only ever overlap in spring and fall. Is their love story doomed forever?

Don’t forget to kudos and comment to show our wonderful creators your love!

❤️ your mods!

[sancta-seraphina]

Can yo u talk about some of the changes please? Just curious! but only if their not too spoilery

Hi anon,

I want to start this by saying I really did love the old 2019 version of Holiest. I think it's better now, but I loved that original version.

Actually, the longevity of the project is something a lot of people might not know about, so I wouldn't mind commenting on that, but after I answer the question.

About the chapters themselves:

One of the immediate changes for previous readers is that the entirety of the first chapter has been rewritten. It is much longer.

Chapters 2 through 5 have been reworked to accommodate for the removal of some characters (a separate topic).

Chapters 6, 7, and 8... I decided I didn't like, so those have been rewritten too. The content itself stayed the same. I just didn't like the writing, I felt it no longer reflected my writing style. I kept some things where I could suffer them, though. They also have some sparkly new scenes, which I will talk about below.

Chapter 9 is currently planned to be the same, however, I may just decide that I hate it. In which case, it will suffer the same fate as 6, 7, and 8 (same content, just rewritten).

As mentioned, a huge change was the removal of some of the characters who were, in my opinion, complicating and distracting from the story. This also included reducing the number of POVs (some scenes were simply rewritten to be from a different POV). Currently we have Lucifer as the main POV of the story for obvious reasons, with other scenes from the POV of Beelzebub, Jehoel, and newly, Metatron. The only thing that upsets me about this is that those characters who were removed were female, and my cast does not satisfy me in terms of having a lot of female characters.

Metatron is another significant change. Previously, he was only in three (3) scenes in the entire story, because I didn't actually need him until the last chapters despite him being so important (unlike The Harrowing, where he has a prominent role, Lord save us). But Metatron became really popular on my instagram, so I decided to work in more scenes with him and also to write from his POV [which you can get a preview of in today's excerpt].

The plot? Is the same. The worldbuilding? Also the same.

The map? I'm ignoring it (by which I mean procrastinating), BUT I've also made additional maps for the novel that can be previewed on my [patreon]. The illustrations? Uh, are not going to be the same and I'm kicking myself for it.

The method of publication? Totally different, it's no longer free—it's going to be a physical book now.

Anyways I hope that answered your question without spoiling too much.

The other thing that I wanted to discuss is the longevity of the project.

Although I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself right now to get the novel back out there, Holiest is nothing new, both to my long-term followers (hello to anyone who knew me in grad school or earlier, and also to all those who re-followed me upon changing blogs), and also to my life in general. It didn't have a name until 2016 or 2017 (I forget which), but my main character, yes I'm talking about Lucifer, literally dates back to 2007 and I still have my first drawing of him with that timestamp. Maybe I'll be brave enough to share it one day.

And the story has always had the same themes, even from its beginning days in '07, '08, and '09: with a heavy emphasis on mental illness/psychosis (of the devil in particular), angels in Hell, and Revelation-inspired visions/hallucinations.

As mentioned, the novel itself was completed in 2018 (I did not write during college/grad school due to lack of time, and I graduated in 2015. I do have endless artworks of the characters from throughout my time in college) and I began publishing in August of 2019. Also my patreon itself dates back to 2017.

But I like to take my time when creating, don't outsource my illustrations to others (please understand how much time art takes), and I am a company dancer in a ballet. So yes, it has been over five years now since first putting it online.

Anyways, although it's been updated, it is not changing in terms of what it is, it has been here for a VERY long time (which others can attest to), and it is also NOT going away.

[honey-minded-hivemind]

Ooooooo, Pray tell, what are your thoughts for the DarkDinosquadAU?

Lamb Anon

Hi 🐑 Anon!! I'm glad to hear from you again!

Okay, so my idea for it goes something like this:

Reader, who was likely the member of the squad (the main AU one, with Scott, Rogue, Remy, and Pietro, plus Logan as their good raptor teacher), to struggle the most with accepting their situation and forging friendships withe everyone (a bit like Caruso, kinda, from the original show), ends up leaving for a bit. You know, the angry walk and rant about how they aren't okay or happy with what's going on... (It's in almost every 2000s kids heroes'tv shows...) Yet they end up caught, by scientists or hunters or someone who wants to pick apart their dinosaur form and more or less kill them to do so... Maybe Reader kept the teams secrets from them, or maybe Reader led them away from the team, so as to save or spare them... Either way...

Reader ends up hurt. The bad kind of hurt.

Maybe they had to fight a hunter. Maybe the scientists experimented on them. Or some strange mix of those options... Reader ends up rescued just in time by their team (plus one p*ssed-off Logan), and is taken back to their base/lighthouse...

Reader is taken care of while they're asleep (think Leonardo from TMNT after getting hurt, where they all went to the farm/barn...). They eventually wake up, and go through the process of getting back on their feet, but not without having a few heart-to-heart discussions with each team member, about how they don't hate them, they never did... they just were scared, of being rejected and about being a dinosaur and how they were the smallest/weakest member... And they all forgive each other, assure Reader, and life seems to move on...

Except a few weeks to about a month later, Reader starts to show symptoms of something.

They all think it's a small cold or fever at first. But it doesn't go away... They keep an eye on it, and while it doesn't affect their efforts on keeping the town safe from Victor, the more time that passes, the worse it gets. Ultimately, Reader starts coughing something up... Yet it isn't regular bile or vomit or puss or blood... It's... No one is sure what it is. It appears black, almost like oil or ink... yet it has the same viscosity of ink or bile... It's disturbing. Logan starts running tests, trying to figure out what the h*ll is going on, but it isn't any illness or poison that modern or ancient medicines know of. It's something new. And from what the tests point to... Reader is slowly being poisoned from the inside out. The substance, whatever it is, feeds off of them and whatever they digest/ingest, and keeps spreading to living tissues. It seems to destroy everything it touches, devouring it or rotting it, leaving behind the black residue...

So Reader only has a few months left.

Logan does what he can, but it doesn't change anything. Reader accepts what's happening to them, as that's the only thing they can do, they believe. And the others...?

When they find out that Logan has done all he can... they decide to turn to Victor. He's their enemy, yes. He wants to turn animals and humans and plants back to prehistoric times, yes. He's scary, dangerous, and could hurt them, yes. But he's their last option... So with that, they get in contact with him, without Reader's or Logan's knowledge, ready to try a new approach...

Reader does what they can to enjoy the time they have left, yet with each passing week, then each month, it only gets worse. Coughing up more and more of the black bile, growing weaker and pained... It hurts, what they're going through, but they'll try to stay for as long as they can.

One night, they start to feel worse, more drowsy and tired and sick... They ask if Logan can stay with them until it's over... He does.

Yet after a day, Reader is unresponsive...

They aren't dead, not yet, but he's staying by them until it's over, even if it takes months...

The others, who have spent the last few months secretly getting the help of Victor and trying to come to grips with the choice they've made, find them like that. They'd only been gone a day or so, giving a few samples of the residue to their new mentor/ally... And now Reader isn't waking up, and Logan isn't leaving them until they're gone. They try to say they have an idea, if he'll listen... Yet when they say who they think they should go to, who they should bring Reader to, he grows worried. Upset. Because he doesn't trust his brother, and he can't guarantee he'd help them, or even not betray them...

But they weren't going to take no for an answer... And out from the shadows comes his brother, the last person he thinks should be there. He tries to say something... but then he's fading out, a small sting in his shoulder...

Victor takes all of them in, and while he doesn't find a cure, he finds something to stave off the illness for the moment. Once it's given to Reader, they wake up in a few days...

And now they have to face the fact they're trapped, Logan is sedated, their friends aren't with them, and the last person- well, dinosaur- they want to be near is the one who's keeping them there... and taking care of them, all of them, for some reason...

(And this is where I'm at a crossroads as to what path to take. Also, Victor would never kill any of them or eat them or hurt them, but he's not letting Reader or Logan leave, and while he and the others are working together, he still doesn't plan to let them leave, either, should they change their minds... He wants to keep them all alive, happy, even... But it seems he has a few humans to get rid of... Starting with the one/s who almost killed one of his and his brother's nestlings...)

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

Can u tell us more abt how hyness sucks ass

(tw:abuse discussion)

listen man im just saying.kumazaki spent a whole interview talking abt how he had been neglecting the cult n prioritizing his revenge plans over their survival far before they found the heart, n then the heart INFLUENCED him off of the darkness he had gathered inside of himself bc he was never a good person, n the pause screen dialogue he has w zan has him literally pick continuing the rituals he knows is making him violent over her safety, n like.isnt that way more interesting.why do ppl want him to be this poor guy who was sooo nice n good n perfect n never wanted any of this to happen.like no actually he v much did want this.he chose to continue this fully aware it was making him abusive.his "corruption" is literally in bouts resembling violent anger way more than say, sectonias corruption that was genuinely beyond her control or understanding.i just dont get where ppl got this idea.is it just bc its easier to swallow "he definitely did not want to be abusing his implied adoptive children!!!" over "yeah no he knew it was happening n decided physical abuse wasnt worth drawing a line over", like the jp version refers to his charisma in one of zans pause screens w a term specifically made for the charisma cult leaders have Hes A Literal Cult Leader Guys.hes not gonna be this sweet nice person his followers claim he is even if he originally v early in was worshipping innocently.which is usually what any religious leader turned cultist goes through.like they dont wake up one day like "oh i think ill start worshipping evil style!"

n like yeah the post game art never touches on that n its lame bc they spent sm setting up this darker story n then go "nah" w the extra mode.but even then were getting all that from the point of view of his indoctrinated followers so who knows man maybe theyll do smth cool in the future if the cults ever relevant again (n yes the twitter extra art but listen.sectonias alive in there n singing on TV its not canon stuff twitter is set in a beautiful universe where nothing bad ever happened)

TL DR if you want "poor amnesiac father who loved his daughter yet was beyond his understanding corrupted into going evil n uncaring towards her" i heavily suggest you try some of this older stuff called max profit haltmann theres sm more interesting stuff one can do w hyness n the v obvious signs hes not supposed to be taken as a great dude

[yuuricino]

the phantom's game

wow okay, this fic has A LOT of lore. if you don't want to read a fic with a plot full of Plot and Slow Burn then this isn't the fic for you. alternatively, if you're looking for a fic that reads like it should be shoved in the recesses of a dingy library then this might be the fic for you?

masterlist

the fic:

the phantom's game will be incredibly slow in the beginning because it's basically remus just getting his footing in the world of literature and it's building up to the main plot.

this fic will also be written in three parts (but it will be put all together as one fic in case you want to download it or whatever, it also makes reading easier i think) or at least that's the aim. it may end up being more than three (maybe four MAYBE) and the word count aim is around 100k to 120k words. ideally the fic was to have around 40/50 chapters but as of now im really uncertain about the length (even though i know how it ends lol) because, and im such a nerd for this, but i ended up doing some math about fic chapter length compared to the original work and so far ive gathered that for every 1 chapter in the original work i have 2 chapters for my fic and an additional 1.5k words. it took me forever to work that out please clap. counting words in a book is hard.

and also

i feel like it's a testament to the dedication im putting into this fic 😔

the point of view might change from third to first person after part one, which may be a bit confusing so im putting a pin in this idea for now as im not even close to part two (let me know what you think about this!)

characters/relationships

this fic is written from the perspective of remus lupin and the main pairing is wolfstar (remus/sirius). main characters are remus, leo ferox (from the fanfiction all the young dudes), and sirius black. other characters are barty crouch jr, lily evans and her father who is an oc; maurice evans and other characters will be added as i write because i cba to actually flesh it out rn (and also i dont want to spoil). there are also minor relationships that are discussed.

trigger warnings/content warnings:

there are quite a few things that happen in this fic that id like to forewarn you of should you decide to read it. there are discussions of abusive parents, substance abuse and violence. in one of the chapters there will be some dubious consent, drugging, there will be descriptions of murder and violence as well as discussions around mental illness and homophobia. discussions/mentions of suicide!!!!

i will be adding on as the fic goes because i know there is stuff that ive missed.

why am i doing this???

i largely wrote this fic because i got high on meds and some other stuff it was wacko and i had absolutely nothing to do. id completely given up in trying to recover my old zombie apocalypse fic (it's a long story) and i really wanted something that i was familiar with not just because i liked the complex and the idea but because i knew it. iykwim?

it's based on a book i read when i was fifteen that got me out of the second largest reading slump in my life and basically catapulted me into the genre of fantasy realism and the whole dark/chaotic academia scene. i also decided that i would continue writing it after my beta @thestrawberryapologist showed interest in it.

another reason why i continued it rather than trying to piece together a nonexistent zombie apocalypse fic was because i have recommended this book COUNTLESS times but it seems no one i recommended it to seemed to like it.

so this is me saying, very passive aggressively, that the plot IS GOOD :(

i smashed the original book in like 2 days and ive been thinking about it for four years straight. i haven't even gotten to reading the other parts of the series because im still hooked on how THIS specific one was written.

its also a really fun (and for me) a new look into the characters because ive really never written anything this detailed before. the plot is a rollercoaster and you HAVE to stay on your toes with the the original work and i would really really like to reflect that onto my writing.

this is also the first time since i was 15/16 that ive properly attempted anything full length with the means to actually finish it off.

when is it going to be finished?

that's a good question. and one i don't know the answer to. it took me 2 months to get to chapter 4 so... it may take a year or two or 6 months dude but it's gonna be long and it's gonna be full

please don't be shy to ask me about it (though that doesn't mean im inclined to spoil it — which i won't!)

[ceiling-karasu]

I had a dream about one of the OCs I made a while ago (also murder mystery theater).

I know back in March I was discussing different AUs and OCs I could use for future projects, and I had a few issues with one that made me think I should axe that project, so I kind of put them on the wayside. (And hey, since we have been talking about neglecting certain OCs...)

My first problem was that I had four (fifth route scientist path absolutely not) different directions the AU hedgehog could go, but each way would require the OC to have a different personality and backstory. I wound up calling them Omelas, Yossarian (like Catch-22), POW, and Victorian mystery illness as placeholder names. Actual names would come much later. The other issue is that I later found out someone else had some similar ideas, but the ideas for each are different so I think it should be fine.

Either way, it was just a little too complicated to be viable, I thought.

But I had a dream this week that made me realize I could do all of the backstories and plots, if I split the one hedgehog into four different characters with intertwining stories.

Also, much more Flower Hill corruption than I originally had planned, but works out better.

It is kind of long, and only has basic ideas I want for the plot, so I'll put it under a read more.

Omelas

Some Flower Hill generals (or other high ranking position in the army) secretly invade some villages outside the borders of Flower Hill and abduct hedgehogs to pad their numbers. After all, the weasels will run out of bodies at some point, so they might as well throw some bodies that are not from Flower Hill at them.

Omelas is the child of a Korean/Ainu style village in which children are raised communally (and maybe girls aren’t given names until marriage, that is a regional thing in the past), and the hedgehog in question is just treated as an 'extra burden' since they are female. The area itself speaks a specific language dialect since it has been remote for generations, but the village head has been discouraging that.

The young hedgehogs are taken by the generals and sergeants, who mark them as Flower Hill hedgehogs trying to escape conscription, so no one asks many questions, especially since many of them can't give proper names, so other soldiers think they are lying. The military leaders involved get large bonuses for capturing deserters, as well as for how many conscripts they have under them, so two birds one stone.

Eventually, most of the other non Flower Hill hedgehogs die in battle, while the survivors plan rebellions behind the scenes.

Omelas, possibly as part of a ploy by the group to 'send a message,' causes a scene including destruction and threatening Flower Hill in the other dialect one day, that gets herself in trouble. The military police during the trial finds absolutely no record of her existing in Flower Hill before the army, which backs up the stories that had been going around, uncovering the corruption. The investigation unit that has to come in realizes that they now have an international incident on their hands if anyone finds out, and also if the records have been falsified, then there are an untold number of angry foreign hedgehogs planning a rebellion, and they don't know where they are.

Omelas is sent to work on a farm as punishment for the incident she caused, and also to keep them out of the way while Flower Hill tries to figure out what to do about the abductions (probably nothing, most of them are dead anyway, and it could be easier for the others to be written off as weasel sympathizers and ‘gotten rid of’), especially since the villages no longer consider the missing hedgehogs their own.

I kind of want her to be named after a mushroom. I really like the name Enoki/Enokitake, but that is a Japanese word, and it is Pine Mushrooms (songi beoseot) that are the major delicacy in North Korea, so I have to work on that.

But either way, she hates Flower Hill from the bottom of her heart, but also knows the weasels would kill her, so she has to bide her time and hope the rest of the survivors do their part.

Yossarian:

A young hedgehog from a family where each member has an impressive military career, especially in sniping (almost wondering if she should be related to Wonsi, my other hedgehog OC from a sniper family, but those AU ideas are not connected). When she was young, she found a sick and starving mouse child who had crossed the border and tries to help them, only for a squirrel friend a few years older than her to murder the child for being one of the enemy. Everyone praised the squirrel (possibly because they thought they might be next), who later went on to be a squad leader/general, which makes Yossarian question Flower Hill and why everyone outside needs to die, especially if they are too weak to be an issue. She doesn’t question the war or conscription in general, though, just why she has to do it.

Since she is an excellent sniper during conscription, her term limits keeps getting raised, and she is put in an 'exception' group. Like in Catch-22, this group can only end the conscription if they go on a set amount of missions, but that number keeps getting raised whenever they near the cap.

The leader of the group (I don't know military terms and commander seems to be wrong here) is the squirrel friend, who offers to let her out if she marries him in a televised wedding to show off Flower Hill's unity. At some point he forges paperwork saying that everyone in the unit has decided to stay in the military full time for another two years (have not decided if the 'exception group' explanation was a lie he came up with). Most of the group is happy that they did not have to waste the time filling out the paperwork, but others fall into depression, disrupting the unity of the unit.

Thus, Yossarian feels trapped and resents Flower Hill, while also feeling very protective of the few squad-mates she likes, and starts sniping enemy mice and weasels in the shoulders, in such a way that they can never hold guns again, but can still otherwise work. This earns her a reputation with the Weasel Unit. Killing someone brings no joy, but she finds it disturbing how excited she gets to wound someone, since it means they can finally be free, as she wishes to be.

But what would she even do outside of the army? Be a farmer? That would be disgraceful for the family, but can they really see themselves as being a part of the military or marrying the squirrel forever?

Finally, Yossarian snaps and assaults the commanders themselves when they call her in to send her on a long mission, screaming about the lies and false paperwork, which surprises and confuses them (also the squad mates who thought she was happy), because would have assumed she would be happy to work for Flower Hill in that way (oh, but there are a few like her every now and then, but they usually wash out earlier), but yes, that squirrel should not have done that.

He only gets a slap on the wrist, and Yossarian is 'diagnosed' with combat fatigue and stress due to expectations, but still needs to be punished, and is sentenced to work on a farm.

Meanwhile, a small investigation is started.

POW

A failed squirrel scout who gets captured and is a POW for a while before being rescued. But it is assumed he must have talked or turned, and is sent to a detention/re education facility instead to figure out what information they gave (he gave nothing). The detention facility actually does worse than what the weasels did to him, emotionally at least. Flower Hill was supposed to care about him, but they have completely betrayed him, and are not giving his injuries proper medical attention. Also, he is really afraid to go back out, considering everything he had gone through. Even the friends who are allowed to visit look at him as if they think he is weak and pathetic somehow.

He is not actually supposed to be in the detention facility. His commanding officer was a nepotism hire who accidentally gave him the wrong information, and then forged evidence of him being turning traitor to cover up his mistakes. Or maybe was even bribed by the weasel unit to give him over, and the rescue is a ‘problem’ for whatever deals he has going on if anyone looks too closely at the capture. No one in the facility questions the paperwork, though, and don’t explain anything to the squirrel.

This can go two ways:

POW eventually goes into sepsis from the injuries (maybe appendicitis, although really just humans, monkeys, possums, and rabbits who get that but hey, fiction?), and is only saved by the his old drill Sargent who was brought in to scream about what a disgrace he was, but recognized he was dying. That, or the facility gets raided by the Weasel Unit, and some enemy soldiers recognize him and appear so genuinely concerned about his health that he accidentally confesses and answers all their questions. Maybe both.

Or, he agrees to go back out on another mission so he can leave the facility. The handlers falsify some records to say he is fully retrained and recovered, but upon joining up with the Weasel Unit in disguise, has a panic attack and goes catatonic, which combined with his other health issues, freaks out the mice. The doctors turn out to be his original interrogators, who send him back because his reappearance in such a way actually answers the majority of the questions they had been asking about Flower Hill the first time they captured him, so they have no need of him anymore.

The workers could actually be fired or jailed for what they did to him, so they write it off as him developing sympathies for the enemy and helping them (perhaps albeit under duress) which nets him a labor sentence on a farm (especially if they spin it as he somehow brought the weasel unit to attack the facility and let them in). But his physical injuries linger, making it difficult for him to work, and there may be quite a few mental issues involved, which only gets worse as actual investigations begin and find him at the center of the turmoil. Also the drill Sargent starts asking a lot of questions.

Victorian Mystery Disease.

Basically a hedgehog with a failure to thrive issue. They have been sickly since birth with some sort of fatigue disorder, which everyone assumes is laziness. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot move very far without feeling exhausted and slowing down. Maybe some chronic pain issues as well.

Eventually he gets diagnosed as a malingerer, and as punishment to 'fix him,' he is sent to a farm to labor as punishment.

He is very upset about this, and has been frustrated his entire life with his inability to be 'normal,’ like everyone else.

Honestly, I’m kind of thinking Fibromyalgia. I’d didn’t expect to find this term when looking up symptoms as I was about to post, I was going to leave it open ended or give them regular anemia problems.

Murder Mystery

As I said in the original post, The idea for all of this came from when I was playing The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog the day it came out (those actual playtime segments were really stressful and made my mind jump around), and I did want a train to be involved at some point.

Which serves as a good meeting point for the characters, while they are being transported to the farm. They can't exit the train, so they are mostly allowed to roam free.

So, it could start en media res, which each of the four accidentally getting drunk at different points and bemoaning their problems. (Omelas because her guard suggested she tries a drink because she will never get the chance again, Yossarian to drown the stress and shame, POW to steady his nerves because he saw Weasel Unit soldiers, and Vic because it was an accident).

A bartender has the most horrifying night of his life, making him question his habits of getting strangers drunk to listen to their life stories, and briefly reconsider his alliance to Flower Hill.

A foreign reporter has the most fascinating day of her life.

The Poirot style international detective is very concerned.

Meanwhile, the train tracks have been switched, stranding the train in the snow, while several prominent people on board are murdered one by one, and the four are some of the prime suspects...

The Farm

The original plan was for the farm to be at the ocean. But that would provide too many opportunities to escape (although weasel unit infiltration would be easier). I am actually thinking of making the punishment farm be in Dol Jogagga, the rock carving/sculpting village I made up. After all, the sculptures are important for international relations, so they could use some help with the farms.

And they were roommates.

The four live in one small farmhouse together and farm what they can. They are told that if they can manage a certain amount of harvest several times in a row, then they can go back to the rest of Flower Hill.

They dislike each other either for being foreign or for being weak, but eventually heal and unlearn propaganda, maybe. Which is the opposite of what was supposed to happen.

So, basic farming, recovery, and slice of life in this village. Dol Jogagga is protected with enough sentries that there is almost no way to escape without them noticing. But they are remote enough to not stigmatize the laborers like the rest of Flower Hill. In fact, they are a little suspicious of the commanders, and can feel sympathy for the four, so are relatively nice to them, and try and help the best they can. Also remote enough to have their own dialect as well, which the four sometimes accidentally use, to the amusement of the villagers.

Maybe some enemies to lovers with Omelas and Yossarian. POW and Vic can just vibe as roommates and try and fix/understand their illnesses together.

Omelas learns that life does not have to be a tragedy and starts to relax a bit. Maybe starts growing mushrooms and starts a successful business. Everyone else learns to find farming very relaxing.

The corrupt investigative officers and other officers realize that the four are actually enjoying themselves, and people are asking too many questions, but cannot change the punishments because it turns out they got kickbacks from them in the first place. Plus, changing the punishments would bring even more suspicion upon everyone involved in the corruption plots, so they try and trick them into leaving on occasion.

Corrupt investigative officers/military police keep coming by to try and make the four confess to something since otherwise they know too much. Maybe sometimes Weasel Unit scouts do sneak into the village and shenanigans ensure.

Anyway, thanks to the hurricane, it has been raining for days here, and some parts of my area have been evacuated. I'm uphill, at least.

But it had me dreaming that it was a hazy, pleasantly humid, raining midday afternoon. The type of day when the chores are done, and there is not much to do. The hedgehogs and squirrel are cuddled up at the entrance way of the house, either drinking tea or mushroom soju, sliding door opened. In the distance, one of the nosy and aggressive investigators has arrived to harass them again, but since it was an unsanctioned visit, did not know the exact house, and are falling into muddy fields, getting further and further away.

It was very relaxing.

[ihaveforgortoomany]

(Ok I did say I would go back to Global posting but there is not much to say right now without CN spoilers so)

(Also once its out Ill give a day before I will revamp any previous 1.9 posts with everything translated)

Alright then.

Talking about everything we know lore wise about a certain 2.2 character, and discussion on who they are.

Ok its Kimberely (and/ or) Anjo Nala.

The post that introduces Kimberely refers to a supernatural spy called Mata Hari, who was executed by a soldier in Paris. The post also introduces that she has an identical sister, Nana Hari whose whereabout are unknown following the arrest of her sister.

In 2.0 Kimberely is introduced to being stored/ trapped in the toy robot originally in the Foundation until a certain time taken by Eternity, then given to the Preacher and released to stop Joe, and afterwards robot ends in the possession of a Manus footsoldier. Its clear whoever has the robot can control her to an extent ( as seen in the 2.2 trailer, if she didn't have any ability to resist the control Vertin probably would have been immediately stabbed not strangled).

In 2.1 story she answers to Ms Grace (Kayla? idk yet) and ends up in Tuesday's motel as part of Manus Vindicate (notably I think she says shes apart of the Manus, not the Order of Enlightenment). Here she is noticably more terrified, jumpy and anxious and immediately escapes when cornered by Argus and Vertin. She doesn't turn into the giant furry boss thing in 2.0 (maybe since it was an enclosed space?) and that she is in the possession of the robot.

That leads us to 2.2.

Currently it is in debate whether Kimberely or Anjo Nala are the same person, people speculate they are actually the identical twins as mentioned in the post, the vas seem the same and appearance wise looks the same.

Thing is the post seems explicit that one of the twins had been executed (again this is translated so likely there might be misconceptions here) and that one of them had disappeared following the death of their twin. Unless Mata had survived, I theorise Anjo Nala and Kimberely are in fact the same person, after the death of her twin was trapped in the robot for sometime until the events of 2.0. She could be easily pretending to be her twin if anything.

Why say they are the same person?

(Again we don't exactly know what type of arcanist they are)

But the robot in 2.2 (left) is the same as the robot in 2.0 (right)

Unless both sisters were stored in identical robots then Im wrong.

I see it going two ways:

One - They are separate individuals who both fall to the control of the robot, then there are two identical robots for two twins

Two - To evade capture after the execution of her sister, Kimberely/ Anjo Nala was stored in the robot for sometime until released by the Preacher.

As for her story in 2.2 that is speculation, if she had already met Vertin in 2.1 then the hesitation to kill her may come from hesitation to kill someone who had been nice to her briefly/ or hesitation to kill someone who was innocent or a literal child.

Likely Vertin gets the robot by the end of 2.2 and Anjo Nala joins the suitcase.

(I will speculate on the Manus maybe later) (I did say I was gonna do Global posting but not much to say and its better for global players to be surprised lol)

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: The Odd Squad UK Gadget-Making Competition Video

I was originally going to make this into a longer post where I discuss Odd Squad UK more in-depth, but to keep things simple (and to avoid frying my brain), I'm going to keep this and another post separated. They will be linked, though, so keep an eye out for an edit and a reblog in the coming months.

We got a first taste of OSUK a little over a week ago, and with it came quite a few things to dissect. Because Season 2 can't be the only season that gets something UK-exclusive that never made its way to the States and never will. Curl up, try to cry, cry anyway.

Join me below the break as I make a Thanksgiving feast out of mere crumbs. Or try to, anyway.

Those of you who have been in the loop might have seen the BTS photos of the UK Headquarters on Instagram. This is what I can safely assume is the bullpen, going by the seal, the desk on the right with some kind of a green form, and...well I mean fuckin' look at it.

As you can see, it's an incredibly stark difference from the Headquarters seen in the past three seasons, though this one looks similar to S1 and S2's, for, y'know, obvious reasons. It actually looks more like something you'd see in some kind of a government building, like your local city hall or the DMV, than anything else.

There's not even any sliding doors either! Which is...well, I mean I watched Season 3, this surprises me next to none.

Take it all in...take it in...

...You took it in? Goood, goooooood. Moving on.

"NOT SO ANDROGYNOUS NOW IS SHE. HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, BITCHES."

-- The CBBC, probably, maybe

Anyway, this is our first look at a living, moving, breathing Captain Oooooooooooooh whoa what the FUCK is at the end of her ropes? Are...are those knitting needles? Stabby-stabs?

I'm...what even are those?

Okay, okay, someone else can answer that. I'm moreso interested in the smartwatch she's wearing, because Oprah and other Directors in the past haven't worn smartwatches. That, combined with how nautical she looks, donning upper clothing usually reserved for male Directors, and having a unique title, makes her have a rather unique appearance.

"Orwell, I am giving a speech. What do you want."

"Someone stole your copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."

"Damn it!"

Jokes aside, we now get to the second newly-debuted living breathing moving character of this very short video: Orwell, a Security agent who's about as cheerful as someone whose entire family got run over by Cybertrucks. I don't know if I ever made this joke in any public form before, but in promotional images, he reminds me of Fin Tutuola and...well, with this video, the comparison just launched itself outta my head. Just a lil'. Not a whole lot. Only a lil'.

Yeeeeeah...I'm starting to see how this is poorly edited. Captain O's and Orwell's voices coming through two different audio channels instead of the same one, no BGM in the beginning...this weird-ass cut to Ozzie...I mean I don't expect high quality, but come now. For one of the first promotional things for Odd Squad UK, you'd think they'd do better.

...

This is just a regular-ass home, isn't it. Lookit that Backrooms-esque kitchen there. Lookit the hypnosis wheel ta- no seriously, whose home is this, and if it's Ozzie's, why? And if it's Headquarters...again, why?

I do appreciate the tea set, though. The tea set is to the UK what sharing actors is to Canada. Don't do it, don't get tax credits.

"The Mondays? In my Christian Headquarters?! Inconceivable! Blasphemous!"

No but seriously, this is the most unserious shit I have ever seen from Odd Squad as a franchise, and that is genuinely saying something. The Mondays isn't an odd disease. It's not an odd illness that will grant you extra limbs or make your blood turn blue. It's what everybody who has ever worked a paid job a single day in their life goes through.

*takes off the glasses* You're not boostin' my confidence, BBC.

"It doesn't matter what we seem to do. We can't put a smile on his face."

I'M AN ADUUUUUUUUULT!!!

WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, JACKASS!!

(...Who the hell said McDonald's?)

*slaps on helmet*

Mmmmmmmmmhm. Strap in, human beings. This is where the real shit gets even realer.

So as you can see, Ozzie isn't in his Investigation agent suit here. Promotional material has shown that he's in that suit pretty much all the time, and given how Orli doesn't appear in this video, it's safe to say that we can plop it into the pre-series era.

This specific department had people in the fandom theorizing for the longest time about what it was. Was it a new look for the Creature department? An updated piece of clothing from the Mobile Unit department? A new department enti- oh shit, wait, that's actually it, isn't it.

Yeah, so if you look at the wings on the hexagon symbol there, it's clear to see that this is some kind of a flight department. I'm just going to quote part of the official show synopsis here, so you folks can get a view of what I'm trying to get at:

Not to worry, brand-new agents Orli and Ozzie are on the case. Their job is to solve the toughest and oddest cases now wreaking havoc across the land, sea, and sky (and even that hard-to-reach area behind the couch cushions).

I might as well spit out a theory (one of few, believe you me) that have been spinning in my mind like a nuked rotisserie chicken clinging to life ever since Odd Squad UK was officially announced as a project.

*deep breath*

Okay. So. You guys know Captain O. Loves nautical things. Looks the part. Has assistants who look like sailors.

What if -- and hear me out for a moment -- what if she has a boat? One that can travel across the sea and across the sky?

For land, that's what the tubes are for. That's a nonissue. But for missions that involve going out onto open water or going high into the sky...that's what the boat is for. And if you have a boat that goes up into the sky, you're gonna need some agents who deal in flight matters.

Headcanon accepted. If you hear screaming at any point this fall, assume it's me.

*long exhale*

See, with Odd Squad, child actors can be hit-or-miss. Some, like Dalila Bela and Millie Davis, knock their roles right outta the park, sometimes even going beyond their abilities and really getting into character (for those two specifically, Olive and Oprah are relatable to their personalities as actors, so it makes things easier). Some are okay -- they're neither good nor bad. And some just don't have the range.

The kid playing Orwell here...is on the latter end.

I get it. It's a video out of a twelve "testing the waters for another season or series" episodes of a UK-based spinoff series in a franchise that keeps going nose-down. I shouldn't go in expecting top-notch quality. I'm setting the bar low, as are a host of other people. And I have absolutely no disrespect against the kid who plays Orwell, because for God sakes, I have standards. But twelve episodes of stiff, the-script-might-as-well-be-in-the-damn-hands-when-filming acting like this is gonna be really hard to stomach, especially since Orwell is a main character.

Getting back to gooder things: this "yeeeeeeah, obviously" bit made me laugh harder than it should've. There is no customer service persona for Orwell here. Concept is foreign to him.

Onom is, unfortunately, not in this episode. However, I do appreciate that the Lab is just as eccentric as he is. Not even Precinct 13579's Lab was this crazy!

(And if you're wondering who Onom is: he's the brother of the Pokemon Snom.)

(...No, I'm kidding. He's our Science man for this series. The gods are returning to their roots.)

this video is about viewers making a gadget

orwell grabs a gadget for absolutely no reason other than by proxy

If this is giving a hint to contest entrants, they sure are being vague as hell about it.

If this is not giving a hint to contest entrants, Orwell's taking the gadget like it's the thing that made Onom go vamoosh in the first place.

...

Hold up-

Wake up? Drank.

Feel sad? Drank.

Go to work? Drank.

Get paid jack shit? Drank.

Take a shower? Drank (with the tea bag you showered yourself with).

Last season, they didn't commit enough to a whole entire newspaper page and had to use Lorem ipsum text.

This series, they have someone write words on a paper that are actually read.

I don't know, guys, that says a hell of a lot of things quality-wise.

I see Onom's leaning real damn hard into the Oona archetype, because you can bet your damn asses she would pull this shit on Olympia, Otis, and Oprah with absolutely no remorse.

...No, let me correct myself: she has pulled this shit on them with absolutely no remorse. And fuck it, she'll do it again.

They were probably expecting people to react like Captain O here.

In reality, my body folded in on itself so hard the local urgent care place became a 24/7 business.

...I'm starting to realize what that one person said about OSUK making references to past seasons/series now. I laughed it off. I said "in 12 episodes, that'll never happen."

But it did.

And it will haunt me so.

The Emergency Un-Monday Protocol is the Odd Squad version of workplaces telling you "we're like a family".

It's an unneeded red flag that fucks people over royally.

0/10, sweet summer child didn't even try.

Let's be honest here: if Ozzie encapsulates the reaction you should have when listening to this left-audio-channel-only, bobbin-n-weavin', lip-syncing-does-not-exist bit, then that's...not really a good sign.

Oooohoho no. I'm not the gal to turn to, kiddos. Not when I get the Mondays every goddamn day of the week.

...You're pointing at a person who feels crushing depression every time she walks into a Target, what are you doing-

...God damn it, this eyebrow-raising makes me cackle. It's so unexpected.

Honestly, I might be asking too much of a series that has the episode span of 70% of anime, but I want more fourth-wall-breaking moments like this. Keep the meta alive!

"But please, no Slime-inators. I just washed my hair."

Ozzie's been to one too many Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards for his liking.

That, or he's taking after Otis and his "regular hair".

AH!! AAAAAAAAAHH!! YOU CAN SEE ALEXANDER CRACK A SMILE THERE!! I SAW IT!! I GOT MY GLASSES ON SUCKERS, I CAN SEE THAT SHIT.

Terrible audio balancing aside...and the terrible timing of the logo bouncing...

...Oh wow, that's the other logo. The secondary one. Kinda cool!

----------------------------------------

So overall, this was...a rather disappointing first taste. Whether this sets the standard for the series remains to be seen, but I'm not all too hopeful. Maybe the September results video will see things improve.

That being said, the characters are at least pretty engaging thus far. I'll need to see them in action a little more to make any final decisions, though.

Like I said in the beginning, I'll be putting out a Seren's Study about OSUK when we get more info on it. I'm aiming for August, but it might come out in September when the results video does. We'll see.

For now, thanks for reading. If you want to see the video for yourself, it's here:

[mathlann]

Heinrix :3

How I feel about this character

Uhh....I will link [here] for a much longer answer on how I feel about that man and my answer later down the line, but he is a ragged chew toy to me. He's genuinely such a good microcosm of the role of "privileged" psykers in the Imperium and all the identity issues that come with that and also the inherent cross-purposes between the State Power of the Inquisition and the Frontier Authority of Rogue Traders. And I say this as an expression of love: I want him to fuck off and out of the airlock.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Heinrix x Cas but only in the way that is toxic, or in an AU where they have different jobs that aren't at each other's throats. I know I only ever seem to post mean about him but I genuinely was almost swayed by the allure of the No Jealousy mod.

Heinrix x My Mutuals' Rogue Traders 💕

Heinrix x Therapy (20 year minimum)

And ofc, I am a Heinrizhai hatefuck truther from day 1 so...its not romance but I ship it. I think they could defeat Slaanesh.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

If Heinrix and Marazhai can't fuck nasty I need them to at least kill each other.

Heinrix and Abelard are a fun duo. I'm a firm believer that Heinrix is only maybe behind Abelard by a few decades at most. They have the kind of energy that says they've both been found sleeping with their arms crossed in front of the Cogitators while watching the Space!Blood Bowl.

Heinrix and Jae can hang as well but only when he's chill and not being a cop about it. I honestly would love to hear them talk religion. He needs some of her "chill out about The Exalted One" energy.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Okay, I've spent too long on this answer so, linked post for more controversial thoughts but the current Bugbear chewing on my mind is that I feel like the fandom kind of treats him being in the Ordo Xenos as just like...a job that has no bearing on his character outside that he's a workaholic about it. And that does so much disservice to the analysis of his character as an institution man™.

Like we cannot discuss Heinrix's Mercy path and inner iconoclast core without acknowledging that his development there is intimately tied to his struggles as a psyker within the framework of the Imperium's Dogma. Which, if he was a member of the Ordo Hereticus or Malleus, would be smooth sailing. But he's Ordo Xenos, which notably has not much to do with his issues as a psyker. Plus, Aeldari are people too, and the narrative I feel is pretty intentional with showing how Heinrix's xenophobia is more often than not wrong. And not even to say "Aeldari are always right" but rather Heinrix follows a pattern emblematic of the Imperium's xenos policy that values short-sighted blanket mistrust and paranoia of slights real and imagined, that often agitates and makes situations worse especially when it comes to harms ultimately originating with other humans. And so you can't discuss the ways Heinrix shows or feels mercy towards someone like Emelina, without discussing the people he actively chooses to not to extend those feelings towards. And I feel like that gets swept under the rug because a lot of the notable incidents involve Marazhai the Instigator and Yrliet, the local Bitch Eating Crackers, and so for reasons fair and not, a lot of the fandom is predisposed to seeing them as unreliable or deserving of ill treatment for their behavior in ways that don't get applied to the humans.

And honestly, if I had the time to soapbox about it I'd argue that the issues of Heinrix's job-dependence, impotent anger at his circumstances, and self-loathing are all things that make him a perfect match for the Ordo Xenos because it allows him to channel those feelings onto creatures and populations* that Dogma has taught him are unambiguously good to harm! That's intrinsic to the character to me tbh.

*Creatures and populations here acknowledging that not all xenos are "people" in the way that can be reasoned with but Aeldari are and that's who the game deals with.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

On the silly side: DLC where if you follow Heinrix's advice on how to handle the Drukhari, the Ordo Malleus shows up to try to beat your/Heinrix's ass. Genuinely they are having such a bad couple of months/years on a Dogmatic Rogue Trader run lmao.

On the serious side: Okay I'm conflicted about this because Heinrix xenophobia is such a core part of his character but also I do wish, especially if you romance him, the game acknowledged how out of pocket he gets if you keep the xenos? Because he absolutely is overstepping both your rights as Rogue Trader and Calcazar's orders to let you be. Like, if you decide to keep Marazhai, as is your God-Emperor-given right, he will use words with you that cannot be found in the Lectitio Divinitatus, but outside telling him "no" in the moment you never really get to address his behavior. I've said it in the past in another post but the fact that romanced!Heinrix will apologize to you for having sex but not for repeatedly undermining your orders...in front of your retinue and crew....insane man. Owlcat let me shake him.

[morocosmos]

FFXIVWrite 2024 Day 30 - Two Heads Are Better Than One

Masterlist Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV Characters/Pairings: Guydelot Thildonnet, Sanson Smyth, Original Female Character (mentioned) Rating: Gen Additional Notes: Continues from this.

The door shuts not-so-gently, and Yezih’s footfalls are hurried as she leaves. Just like that. The air settles into a familiar calm; Guydelot pulls out his harp.

“So what's the word, Chief?” He lays back down on the couch, plucking a few notes and looking at Sanson. The other man's hands have threaded together in a loose grip, his thumbs tapping lightly as he deliberates.

“She was sincere enough,” Sanson answers. “And I do not doubt her skill with a lance. She joined the guild only a few moons after I did — not exceptional, by any means, but a fine enough fighter by the time I left to join the Twin Adder.” 

Guydelot's ears perk up in interest. “Oh? If I’d known just how relevant Yezih was to that part of your life, I would’ve asked more questions.”

“Yezih came here to discuss joining the unit, not so that you could badger her about my past,” Sanson counters. Guydelot can see the rest of his thoughts in the way his brow scrunches up. “And you needn’t have scrutinised her so. She was incredibly nervous — almost intimidated,” Sanson says, sounding perplexed. “Though I cannot imagine why.”

“She was trying her darndest to impress you,” Guydelot casually answers for him, scoffing in part because he doesn’t think much of folks who do that, but also because he’d been plucking out the beginnings of a tune that he’s been trying to figure out for days. He gives up and sets the harp down. “I reckon she’s made of the same stiff, stern stuff as you, just a few notches more high strung.”

“Do you think so?” Sanson takes a moment to ponder the thought, before shaking his head. “Regardless, it would be strategically sensible to add another lancer into the unit. The groundwork of our training regimen already takes such things into consideration.”

“And you’d have someone to lighten the load.” Guydelot isn’t the type to nag, but he is aware of just how much Sanson already has on his plate, being the unit’s captain as well as the only lancer in the group. He isn’t going to see his dream fulfilled if he runs himself into the ground first.

“I suppose, yes.” Sanson pauses, and there’s a hint of doubt in his voice. “My main concerns are that her desire to work with Rema takes precedence, and that she wasn’t wholly truthful about why she’s so keen to join the unit.” He frowns. “She could be…confrontational at times, back at the guild. Snapping at the slightest insult or ill remark, especially when it concerned Rema or her family.”

Guydelot hums. “But maybe that’s why having her and Rema together ain’t such a bad thing? If they’ve truly been thick as thieves since they were little, that might keep her focused on what matters.” And maybe it is him playing favourites, but it’s also precisely the sort of bond that would strengthen their newest bard’s songs — Lothaire and Ceanan have more technical expertise and camaraderie, but Rema has more soul than the both of them combined. Someone she cares for would be just the thing to bring out her true potential. “Two heads are better than one and all.” He favours Sanson with a smile. “Kind of like us, eh?”

Sanson shakes his head, but the corners of his mouth tilt upwards; Guydelot takes it as a victory. “Anyroad, there’s no need to decide until we have a better measure of her. A practical exercise would be just the thing, one that incorporates the unit’s existing members…”

Guydelot knows what Sanson will be doing the rest of the day. He takes up the harp again — may as well try to salvage that tune one last time.