#maybe i'm just too optimistic
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Man if Marcy keeps ending up with like child protection services in all these fics over her parents being slightly distant then my parents should be in JAIL
#idk if I'm wording it correctly but this goes hand in hand with some posts I#I've made abt Marcy's parents not being super great but also not being like...#like i didn't imagine them as outright abusive or deserving of losing custody over her#and people kept reblogging them and tagging them as abuse?? 😭😭#like if THAT is abuse. then what the fuck what up at my house#c'mon! her parents growing to kinda hate her because they couldn't stand her personality and failing to fulfill her emotional needs#while still always making sure she always had her material needs met#and doing their best not to blow up at her#resulting in them always acting mildly annoyed towards her#is not *really* abuse. right? like that's just how pretty much every parent feels tbh#like i've never seen a parent who genuinely likes their kids. every parent i know is either sick of them or morbidly depressed#like wondering why the hell they chose this life for themselves#some parents are just better at being optimistic and focusing on the nice parts than others#but not all have the mental fortitude to smile through the disgust and resentment they feel all the time#which tbh is an inhumane thing to ask from a person. parents are humans too and there's only so much a person can repress#i'm convinced parents like the boonchuys only exist in fiction#i just imagine Marcy's parents as being average parents who just don't always have the patience a kid like Marcy needs#like over here my parents are breaking my assistive devices and spying on me while i'm in the bathroom and I never considered that abuse#i just used to drive them insaneeeee back in the day lol#just like with friends and couples. sometimes parents and their kids aren't meant for each other y'know? and maybe that's just Marcy's case#i do know that's my case#but strangers online are here crying abuse for less#so now i'm like. hehehehe. say what now#personal
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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Imma be honest after VLD fiasco seeing any actor with ship content gives me aneurysm.
I want anon to know It’s to get engagement and new fans. It’s fun but don’t look too much into this/genuine
Don't mention Voltron to me I'll have war flashbacks 😭
#i rewatched it recently btw#not the best decision#but yeah i usually just never pay much attention to what the cast says abt these things ngl#like it's nice they want to engage with the fandom and maybe they're genuine!#i like to believe they are bc i'm optimistic#but y'know don't get too attached to what they say idkkk#ask-bean!
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Just been on a first date that went so incredibly well. And now I'm faced with the question of when do I reveal that I am actually insane about the Marauders? 🤔
#its all jokes cause my date actually said they used to ship drarry#not to be a lesbian on main but the date did last several hours#and it could've lastest longer if we both didn't need to go#I'm feeling quite optimistic about this actually#lesbian#lesbian dating#its funny too cause I'm a Sharing person so my friends and my friends parents all knew about this date#and now i get to tell them all how well it went#we actually had to much to talk about the whole time#they bought the drinks and I so smoothly said I'd get the next one#and it's not just me cause they already said they wanna meet up again#okay I'll stop gushing now#maybe
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because I'm a top listener of Jorge on spotify (epic the musical is great bg music when you're making art okay) I got a secret video link and
youtube
this is Paris, right? This is Paris singing to Aphrodite about Helen, RIGHT??? am I hopelessly helen and paris pilled or is this not a (far in the future because Jorge said so lol) Illiad musical snippet???????? There's no indication that it's Epic the Musical related so. Surely????????????????
#capri talks#epic the musical#<- technically incorrect but also. how am I supposed to tag this.#please tell me I'm onto something here because no one in the comments is even discussing the song snippet in question lmao#jorge if you make a positive depiction of Paris and Helen and their relationship I will kiss your hand and thank you.#PLEASE let that be what this is because. This is actually pretty alright??? And sweet??????? And Nuanced maybe?????????#like my god. an actual mix of 'willingly in love with each other' and 'aphrodite is here to nudge things along'?? (I'm too optimistic lol)#jorge i'll forgive you for the helen slander in your cut songs if you've progressed as a musician I will.#I'm both happy and hesitant and because if he does go that direction... rip to my favourite tags. but that's a long time from now.#hopefully. not excited for more tags to be claimed by yet another musical lol.#do any of my tags make sense or did I just incoherently ramble for several minutes
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12 more days until Baldy Gate! 🥰🥰🩷🩷🥰🥰 What’s your take on Astarion romance! Bittersweet? Secretly deep down lovely? I expect a little pain, but long term affection if cards are played right. Thoughts?
Hello lovely, thank you for the ask 💖💖💕 I'm super excited for full release as well!
I'm not entirely sure I'm right, but my predictions are that there might be two Astarion romances depending on if its an evil or good aligned run, given that my pal had ended up with an Astarion with a different personality as a result of their neutral evil playthrough! I actually ascribe to the idea that hes a character who's an asshole in the beginning but that means his act 2/act 3 is more about deepening the bond, getting him to drop the act and trust you rather than any betrayal, or break up (whereas I'm CONVINCED Gale's romance has some kind of shady conflict bc it was so hard to challenge his views and opinions in act 1 dialogues, that man is on some kind of mission).
Anyway, I think a good playthrough is mostly going to be "dismantle the sad traumatised vampire's walls and give him therapy" until you get underneath the veneer of charisma to the real person underneath. As to whether it will be bittersweet, I actually think the only bittersweet decision will be around vampirism... even though I levelled the idea of a cure in one of my fics I assume you have to make him a master vampire at the culmination of whatever Cazador plot is going to happen. We know that there's the option to vamp Tav as well but I honestly think that'll be the evil playthrough option, so there will be bittersweet "oh no we're on different timelines!" energy, tempered by "so let's enjoy ourselves now" hedonism bc Astarion. So a "happily for now" ending I guess!
I honestly think both evil and good will end up with a longterm affection ending, just in one you're both terrible people (affectionate) and in the other he's vaguely reformed. It seems like they designed Astarion to be a pretty flexible companion who sticks around regardless of playstyle and I imagine his moral event horizon will be whether or not you kill Cazador rather than any main game decision, so maybe **he's** the ride or die??
I guess we will see if any of those guesses are right!!
#bg3#i dont have any authority and im preparing to be in fic hell the moment im proved wrong lol#astarion#asks!#maybe I'm just too optimistic but i think they know astarion is fan fave so they're going to push his content
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tbh I'm still holding onto hope that they'll animate sigma's backstory next season. idk maybe he'll have flashbacks as he's passed out after nikolai saves him, or he'll recall it in meursault in the "am i the only normal person in the room" scene. it just feels weird to skip it entirely as it gives him so much character and explains his internal conflict so i hope it really is a matter of just moving things around 😳
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I just don't really see them killing izzy next episode
Like i know it's pretty common in tv series for an antagonistic character to get a redemption arc and then to kill them off as a way to cap it off
But ofmd from the beginning has been subverting harmful tropes that queer audiences have had to deal with for decades, and i feel like killing izzy off now that he's finally happy after all the horrible things he's been through would feel like such a betrayal of the trust they've built with us over the course of these two seasons
#idk maybe i'm just being too optimistic?#but i don't think it fits with the storytelling decisions they've been making so far#ofmd s2#ofmd spoilers#spoiler talk
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I've discovered two secrets to actually make progress in a draft.
Do not reread anything already written. Looking back to check details or make small edits is fine. But do not under any circumstances fall into the trap of reading the scene. Time spent reading is time not spent writing. This is a construction project. You are not supposed to be reading this like a book. Trying to read it will make you disappointed that it's not a book yet. Keep forward momentum going at all costs.
You can put hyperlinks to other documents within a draft! So instead of cluttering up the draft with notes or scrambling to find a notes document, I can just put the link to the notes document at the end of the draft. So if I get stuck, I just click the button right there on the page and my freewriting page pops up. It's so seamless, and that stops me from losing focus.
#adventures in writing#every successful writing project is just me relearning sane habits#but it doesn't stop it from feeling good every time it happens#the tattercoats draft has now reached 5400 words#and i'm at the point where the last draft was at 4000 words#this is probably going to be around 10000 (maybe 12000) words#which is still too short to be a novel and too long to be a short#but i'm happy that i'm pushing myself to write longer and put in extra details#and now i'm past the point where i'm rewriting and will have to write new stuff#which will slow me down when i want to go faster#but i'm still pushing to maintain that forward momentum so i'm staying optimistic
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sometimes you think that you're starting to get your life together and then you forget to wear pants to class and then you go "maybe not"
#i wish i had an explanation#i was hanging around in an oversized tshirt. as i always do.#and i was like I'm gonna put on my shorts just before i leave the house.#BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS DO#me putting on my docs looking myself over in the mirror: yep. outfit complete#i mean. at least the tshirt is long enough that no one could tell? *sigh*#i have no words for myself at this point#can i be even more of a disaster? i don't think so#but maybe i'm being too optimistic#this is the second time it's happened too#tea's ramblings#my friends heard about it. now tumblr has to hear about it
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I can't decide whether the quality and scale of bg3 helps with managing my expectations for da4 or makes it worse 🤔
Like it's safe to assume da4 won't come anywhere near to bg3, which is a shame, but I'm also alright with that. It would be delusional to expect da4 to be a great game at this point, considering, but does it have to be? Nah. My optimistic hope is that it's better than dai. The bar is at dai's level. And if it's really disappointing, well, I'll still have bg3.
#my wishes for da4 are: a better combat system. better writing for the plot and the main quests specifically. and a smaller scale.#like I don't expect these to be great i just want them to be better than in dai lmfao#ykno maybe there's still time for bioware to take some inspo from larian too and make adjustments#larian only finished recording the last voice lines like last month and they continue to add qol tweaks#so given time and resources bioware can shape their game up too if they put their mind to it#anyway yeah I'm looking forward to da4 still but i have much healthier (lower lol) expectations for it now#while also being somewhat optimistic but if it turns out disappointing it won't come as a surprise either#I'm ready for whatever#vik.txt
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connecting to my culture by doing laundry on a monday while having red beans soaking on the counter
#i'm also making a king cake but mardi gras was last week#this one is just cos the two i made on tuesday weren't for us and i was too tired to make another until today lol#i have been actually almost entirely pain-free the last two days and i got to do all the chores today and i've been cleaning inside too#i feel human again#maybe i'm allowed to be optimistic finally
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i had my zoom meeting with maestro and the assistant conductor today to talk about the manager job and it all sounds okay to me (i'll feel more comfortable about the whole arrangement once i can come in and shadow the last two rehearsals this semester and get a feel for the job in person) but it's a little funny how frequently maestro kept assuring me that. well if it sounds like too much work or just not something i am capable of or even want to do it's okay no pressure he'll be fine without me it's totally up to me don't sign on if you aren't absolutely one hundred percent okay with it and even if it's too much let me know because we can adjust the duties and help you out it's okay. and also him being like the pay isn't that good i'm going to try to ask for more money to pay you and the assistant conductor and maybe partially fund you if you go on tour with us next summer but it really should be more pay than this i'm sorry anyway here's like seven other ways you can make a little extra cash through related jobs like arranging extra parts for the orchestra and subbing on english horn as needed and maybe i can find some money for you to write program notes also have you considered teaching at the local music school it's a good way to get your foot in the door and make a little extra on the side sorry it's not much i hope it's okay for you
#and the whole time i'm sitting there like Okay 👍 Thamks#i wanna talk about me#it's very endearing how much he seems to care about me. both my comfort with the responsibilities and the pay haha#he was even like You know maybe if you wanted to take conducting lessons.#(with the lowkey implication of 'you could be assistant conductor in a couple of years too and then i could pay you more LOL)#(and he kind of complained about how the hall and the organization have an assload of cash at their disposal they're just stingy with it ha)#i'm not in it for the money rn really. i mean obviously it would be nice haha#but i'm getting by okay rn with my fellowship and gigs#(and the fellowship means i'm hardly paying anything out of pocket for grad school which is certainly a huge help here haha)#i'm not doing it For The Exposure cause like. idk that sounds trite and also exposure to What. i've known maestro for eight years...#but it IS really good experience for me. a job handed to me by someone who knows and trusts in my work#in my target field of work. with a highly regarded youth orchestra at an amazing concert hall.#i'd be such a shithead to pass that opportunity up!!#it's not about only making a thousand bucks per concert cycle or whatever it's about the experience#and getting to put [redacted] concert hall on my cv. invaluable!!#anyway nervous but cautiously optimistic about next week i'm shadowing the last rehearsal before their december concert#i'll feel much better about the whole job and everything involved once i can experience it in person#i'm a 'learn by doing' kinda guy anyway
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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-randomly sees a screenshot of jamie and lily from the city of bones movie, where they seem to embody jace and clary, and am once again sad that we didn't get a city of ashes movie-
#like. to be clear. i KNOW that the city of bones movie has flaws--and i can tell you what they all are--but for me at least the positives#outweigh the negatives#and one of those things is that the cast really was perfect imo (and a lot of other people's opinions too)#though that's not to insult the shadowhunters cast at all of course. i think they're great and did the best with what they were give#i. personally. just don't really like shadowhunters because of how much they changed from the books#and even outside of that--if i ignored book to show comparisons--at least with the first season (the only one i watched) a lot of the#choices they were making with their own rules they were making didn't make a lot of sense. though i hear it gets better if season one so#maybe i should give it another chance sometime...#but back to city of ashes... i feel like. if city of bones had done well. city of ashes could have been better than city of bones and even#more book accurate (since that was some fans' issues with the first film) since the studio would have realized there was an audience there#and to take it more seriously. we've seen that kind of thing before. like with how the twilight movies actually became more book accurate#after the first film was a success#though that's not the world we live in of course. -sighs- oh well#maybe someday we'll get a really good and accurate tmi adaptation#i'm also looking forward to/cautiously optimistic about the the infernal devices show. PLEASE don't mess it up. PLEASE#that's my--and many--fans' favorite of the shadow world series. and it could/should be SO good. PLEASE!
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holy shit okay
IF I CAN STOP FREAKING OUT AND GET MY THOUGHTS DOWN FOR TWO SECONDS!! (major spoilers for chapter 109 below, stop reading now if you want to avoid them!)
I think that Sigma isn’t dead. Other than the fact that he’s not bleeding from the head like I believe (?) Fyodor’s past victims did, he was just hit with a shitton of information at once, and we already know that an information overload from his ability can make people faint. It happened to Atsushi already. I think he just fainted because of that overload, though of course he is still bleeding from his stab wound...
BUT UHHHHHHH DAZAI...................... I genuinely have no clue how he’s getting out of this. Like!! Thematically I don’t feel like Asagiri would kill him permanently, particularly not like this, but at the same time I’M SHAKEN HOW TF DO YOU COME BACK FROM A BULLET WOUND TO THE FOREHEAD... WHAT. I GENUINELY DID NOT SEE THAT COMING, AT ALL-
I have no clue where this manga is going. Love it though. 10/10 now back to me losing my mind!!!
#ooc#bsd spoilers //#bsd 109 spoilers //#i tagged for spoilers but putting a warning in the post too since i want to be extra careful#considering the uhh. potential deaths here...#but anyway SIGMA IS MY NUMBER ONE SO MAYBE I'M BEING WAY TOO OPTIMISTIC HERE#I JUST WANT TO BELIEVE OKAY......................#AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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