#maybe i'm getting one in that second (european) drop he talked about

[im-goin-mad]

thanks boo!! black river kult just help me get over a yearslong crush on you

[dsireland86]

OMG if you are willing could you do a Craig Reynolds x fem reader and i was thinking maybe like a Roommate to lover thing for them and he has like a sudden realization of his feeling maybe seeing her talk to Nick or Matt?

I apologize to the Anon who requested this a while ago. Life gets in the way a lot sometimes.

Roommates

Tags: @philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @theanarchymuse95 @thisbicc @lma1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @thefallenangel @fadingintothegrey

Craig pulled into the parking garage of his flat from another long day at the studio. One more successful podcast down, two more to go before tour started for him and his band "The Stray", so knocking these things out were critical in order for him to put all of his effort into practice and rehearsals.

Checking his phone on the way up the lift, Craig noticed the text he received from one of his American friends, Folio, telling him that he and his band were headed over his way on their latest tour and wanted to catch up. Craig was excited as he quickly wrote out his response in a massive 'hell yes, brother' before hitting send.

He entered the flat, closing the door behind him and locking it. He tossed his keys on the end table and removed his jacket, dropping it on the couch as his phone vibrated in his pocket. He checked it, immediately chuckling at Folio's response.

"Such a little fucker, that one is," he muttered while typing.

"Who is?"

Craig looked up and saw his roommate of the last year, walking out from the kitchen. Y/N looked amazing as ever: her hair piled up on top of her head, her favorite apron hanging around her neck, and a curious look on her beautiful face. He smiled the moment he saw her, frozen where he stood.

"Craig," she called out, grinning at him. Y/N had such a pretty smile, one of the prettiest he'd ever seen.

"What? Oh, sorry," he apologized, shaking himself out of his daze, smiling back at her.

Lately, Craig found himself getting this odd nervous feeling in his chest and would occasionally get lost in thought whenever she was around him. The times they'd spend together, cooking up a meal or binge watching t.v. were turning into some of his favorite things to do, and he couldn't understand why. She'd been here for over a year already. Nothing had changed. Had it?

"Anywayyyy," Y/N laughed, "who's the 'little fucker'," nodding towards the phone in his hand.

"Oh, just a friend from America. He and his band are coming here for the start of their European tour, and wanted to catch up. Just an inside joke he reminded me of that had me laughing."

"Oh cool, what band is he in?"

"Just a small metalcore band. You've probably never heard of them since you don't really listen to that kind of stuff," Craig shrugged, bracing himself with his large hand on the back of the couch. His eyes followed her, unable to look away for a second. What the fuck was happening to him?

Y/N began to straighten the blankets and pillows on the opposite side of the cough frowning the moment she noticed Craig's jacket tossed into the pile of fluff. His focus took a detour, paying more attention to the way her brow creased and lips pressed into a thin line at whatever had her distracted. She was perfectly adorable in all the right ways.

"What's wrong?"

"Your jacket doesn't go there, Craig," she scolded.

"What?" Craig straightened up looking around him, confused.

"There, on the couch," she implied, nodding towards the garment in question.

He realized quickly what she was talking about, grabbing his jacket immediately. He didn't like the feeling of being scolded by someone like Y/N. She made him feel bad, like he'd disappointed her, and that was something he never wanted to do.

"I'll just, uh, I'll just take it to my room, mum," he joked, grinning the moment her eyes lit up from her smile.

"That's not what I was aiming for," Y/N muttered quietly.

Craig laughed, walking around the couch and pulled her into a hug.

"Awe, I'm only kidding! I appreciate everything you do around here, keeping things tidy and in order. God, I hope you never plan to move out. This place would go to shit for sure if you did."

When they parted, Y/N cheeks held the perfect shade of pink.

"You're blushing," he pointed out, caressing her cheek softly as he looked down at her.

"Am I?" She brought her hands to her cheeks, covering the proof of her embarrassment.

"Yeah, that's alright, though. I like that color red. It looks lovely on you."

Slowly, Y/N looked up at Craig, still encased in his arms, and smiled softly. His heart was racing the longer he held her. And the longer she stared into his eyes, the more he realized he wanted to desperately kiss her. Just then, his phone vibrated in his pocket, killing the mood instantly. Y/N flew out of his arms, taking a step back.

"Fuck me," he sighed, watching her nervously play with her fingers, refusing to look up at him. He pulled out his phone, pissed that it was a call he actually had to answer.

As he talked, Craig watched as Y/N finished tidying the living area and wandered back into the kitchen. He cursed silently to himself for having to kill the moment between the two of them, vowing to himself to make up for embarrassing her in any way that he might have.

A few weeks later, Craig was meeting with Folio and Matt, at a local pub. While everyone enjoyed a few drinks and some food, they spent the next few hours catching up on life, music and touring.

"So you'll be over here for a while then. No plans of going back to the States anytime soon?"

Folio shook his head. "No, not yet. We have a six week lineup, so things will be busy." His eyes quickly darted behind Craig, to the girl who'd just walked in, distracting him.

"Earth to Folio," Craig laughed, kicking him from under the table, while Matt nudged his shoulder.

"What? Sorry. What did you say," Folio apologized.

"What are you looking at?" Craig asked?

"Yeah, what's up, Folio?" Matt asked, taking a sip of his water.

"Nothing," Folio lied, lowering his head to hide his slight embarrassment. "That girl over there just got my attention for a second. Anyway, what were you saying?"

"What girl?" Craig's head snapped around, looking behind him.

"Are you talking about her?" Matt said, flicking his head at the bar?"

"Oh her!?" Craig shouted. "Oh that's Y/N. She's my roommate. Has been for about a year now," he informed, turning back around and taking a huge gulp of his beer.

"You have a roommate now?" Folio asked,brows creasing.

"Wow, wow, wow, wait, you have a girl roommate, now?" Matt corrected.

"Shut the fuck up," Craig laughed playfully. "What's it matter if she's a girl? We're friends."

"Hmmm... friends? With benefits?" Matt teased, grabbing a handful of fries.

"Fuck off, Dierkes! It's not like that," Craig scolded, jokingly.

"Dude, she's fucking hot," Folio added, taking a sip of his beer, unable to keep his eyes of her.

A restless feeling began to grow in the pit of Craig's stomach.

"Oh, you think so, huh," he asked, rubbing his fingers over the scruff on his chin.

"Yeah, she is pretty cute," Matt added, eyes peering over Craig's shoulder.

"Huh. Well, she lives with me not you, so the two of you can fuck off and leave us alone," Craig joked, nervously laughing hoping to drop the conversation of how hot and cute the three of them thought Y/N was. Not that he didn't notice. For days now, ever since that night in the apartment where he found himself longing to kiss her, he'd started noticing little things about Y/N that he hadn't before; things he ached to touch and feel.

"Hey!"

Craig's knee slammed into the table, startled by her hand on his shoulder and the sound of her sweet voice.

"Bloody hell!"

"Oh my gosh, Craig are you okay!" Y/N cried, covering her mouth with her hands to hide her amusement.

"Yeah man, what the fuck," Folio teased, picking up his empty beer bottle that fell over.

"Motherfucker that hurt," Craig cursed, rubbing his knee under the table."

"I bet it did. Did I scare you?" Y/N asked, taking the empty seat next to him.

Craig tossed his head around. "Yeah, a little," he chuckled, finally looking up at her. God she looked stunning. Her long hair cascaded over her shoulders and down her back, highlighting the color of her eyes. It was right then, especially knowing that other guys were looking at her the way he felt for her on the inside, that Craig realized the truth. He was falling for her; hard and fast.

Y/N tossed her back, laughing about something in the story Matt and Folio were telling her. Something about the way she was involved with his two friends sitting across from them was making him jealous. He found himself clenching his jaw multiple times or balling his hand into a fist beneath the table to keep from laying it on her thigh. He had a sudden possessive feeling for her that he didn't have when he walked into the bar tonight.

"Hey, Craig, you alright, brother?" Folio asked, dragging him from his thoughts. Y/N looked over at him and smiled, tucking some hair behind her hair.

"You okay? You got really quiet," she said sweetly.

Craig nodded, reassuring her with his most convincing smile, which didn't work.

"What is it?" She asked, furrowing her brows in concern. Her hand made its way over to his knee, sending electrifying shivers down his spine. Her touch felt different tonight compared to all the other times before, and the gleam in her eyes seemed to sparkle for him a little brighter.

Craig reached over and laid his hand over hers, watching the way her expression lightened and a small smile appeared on her lips that she moistened with her tongue. He was one hundred percent fucked. There was no way he'd be able to do "just friends with her" anymore.

"Come on," he said, jumping up from the table and grabbing her by the hand. "We need to talk."

"Okay," she agreed, startled by Craig's sudden outburst. He led her outside, the coolness of the Scottish weather hitting her quickly.

"Craig, what is this all,"

"I fucking like you, alright? I like you. A lot. Like more than friends like you."

He stared at her, searching her face for any sign of emotion. He found plenty, they were just all mixed, making him think maybe he should elaborate more so she'd understand.

"Okay, look," he said, liking his parched lips. "I didn't realize how much you affect me, how your presence affects me. It's like," Craig ran his hands over his head, rubbing the top out of frustration.

"Every time you walk away from me, I feel empty. When we're not doing something together like cooking or watching t.v., I can't keep my mind off you, wondering what it is you're doing or if you're safe. I thought," he paused, feeling relieved when he noticed the slight grin on her face.

"I thought it was nothing until tonight. Knowing that Matt and Folio both think you're hot and mentioned something about getting your fucking number, it just did something to me. I don't know. I just... fuck," Craig sighed, exhaling hard.

Y/N moved in closer to him, playfully tugging at his shirt. Craig's heart was pounding against his chest and he was pretty sure she could hear it, given how close she was to him. Her chest was almost flush against his.

"Matt and Folio think I'm hot?" she asked, making Craig's heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" he cried, moving away from her.

"I'm kidding! Craig, I'm kidding," she laughed, grabbing him by his arm and pulling him back over to her. "I'm really kidding," she reiterated, picking at his shirt again, this time peering up at him through her long lashes, making his heart beat quicken again.

"I knew that," he lied, partially grinning.

"No you didn't," she giggled, shaking her head moving closer to him.

Craig slipped a finger beneath her chin and raised her face to look at him. This time he didn't hesitate. Leaning down, he gently laid his lips on hers, lingering there for a moment just to see what would happen. She threw her arms around his neck, leaning into the kiss, and pressing her body hard against him. His hands found her hips, quickly trailing them to her waist and wrapping his arms around her, securing her body tightly against him.

Their kiss deepened, turning into a heated battle of hungry tongues and needy hands. Y/N was even better at all of it than Craig imagined. The longer he held her, the more he felt her melt into him and it made him so damn crazy about her. They parted, both of them out of breath and disoriented about what just happened.

"I'm guessing you feel the same?" Craig asked quietly, lacing their fingers together.

"Mmmm, no, I just wanted to see what it felt like to kiss you. Also, can I still give Folio and Matt my number?"

"Oh fucking,"

"I'm kidding," Y/N laughed, pulling him back down for another kiss.

"You really have to stop doing that, if we're going to try and make this thing work between us," he muttered, laying his forehead against hers.

"Why? It keeps you on your toes," she grinned leaning into his kiss.

"Oh God, is that how this relationship is going to go; you always keeping me on my toes, stressed out and worried all the time?"

Y/N laughed again, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Maybe. I guess we'll see."

"I guess so," Craig smiled, gathering her up into his arms and holding her close.

[luvbug724]

sits next to you :) the thing about kevjeanee housekeeping/accounting is that while kevin is not dyslexic like jeanee i fear that he is not good at math either..... i think he's probably Better at it than jean and renee but he's not of much help i don't think........ last year i overpaid my credit card at least four times because im bad at math so i think kevin would be like that. they trust him and he's basically giving their money for free to the bank. jean (grew up poor in my mind) would be furious. but if they put their three thinking heads together they can surely come up with something!

i like chronic migraines for jean i think he's very bruised bird shot from the sky etc no matter what nothing really works for him........ and he can do something dramatic like drop to the floor like an unwound doll and put his head on kevins or renees lap..... and its ok because puppies do these things....!! in a way i think the most fun of kevjeanee is the potential for hovering + doting for jean it presents because its like two of his biggest supporters. (kicks feet) i also think jean and renee are also two people i can see kevin going easier on/excusing for so its cute to me to think about... renee spacing out in practice and kevin being like well she's trying very hard. or jeremy calling in and saying jean beat up another striker and kevins like he's working on it :) you know? you do know user luvbug724 you have to

also re: kevrenee mass together ITS CUTE... i think sometimes the fandom at large um i guess doesnt really think much about renee's relationship to religion but i feel like another one of the foxes (and especially kevin maybe... in my heart) being there with her would make her very happy. i hope when its ash wednesday she approaches him in practice and puts ash on his gay little forehead :) i hope all the old ladies think they're dating or getting married soon and have no idea of the jezabel in california waiting for them (jean)

kevin fucking up their taxes. HILARIOUS. kevin the loves of your life just want their tax returns please. what the fuck do you mean they owe a million dollars can you do the math again please. this is what jeanee get for trusting a history major with their money.

KEVRENEE DOTING ON JEAN YES YES YES. jean i think will be the type of athlete who is constantly at the trainer bc. you know. the mafia may kill him if he can't play exy ugh i hate when that happens but he has to stay in good shape even though he's dealing with So many longterm injuries. when kevin and jean are pro the moment jean leaves a game renee is already in the med room to hear what the doctor has to say and kevin's there as soon as the game is over.

kevin going easier on jean and renee........ I KNOW I SWEAR I DO. its very cute. how can you blame him? renee looks very cute when she's distracted i'm sure.

kevin and renee walking in late to practice with ashes.... mein gott......................................

the idea of ppl seeing kevrenee and not knowing theres a second european man in the picture is so funny. "renee, darling, when are you and your man going to get hitched?" "oh, i'm already married :)" she's the talk of the next church potluck. martha SWEARS she saw her with a different man with a face tattoo last christmas, but agnes says there's no way renee would cheat on her husband with a face tattoo with ANOTHER man with a face tattoo. kevin must have just gotten a haircut or something. they agree to never talk about it again.

[stereax]

Hi , i see you always posting news and stuff about every team amd i’m new to hockey and want to know more about the sport and the teams so do you know how could i do that or what should i watch?? ^^

Hi there anon!!! Nice to meet you :) I'd love to impart a little wisdom on you!

Unfortunately, you're going to have to be a little more specific here.

Are you primarily interested in the NHL? (Or do you want to follow minor leagues in the Americas such as the AHL, or the major junior leagues such as the CHL or USHL, or would you prefer European hockey leagues like the Swiss NL, German DEL, or Russian KHL?)

Do you want to follow one team extremely closely or have several favorites you track? (Like personally, I specialize in Devils hockey and can tell you way too much about it, but I track most of the teams of the NHL to some extent so I can analyze and discuss them if prompted to. Some people only really care about one team; others choose to enjoy one team from each division, for example, so as to always be rooting for someone.)

Do you prefer the analytical side of hockey or would you rather follow the narratives? (Cap structures, rulebooks, drafts, and all that can get quite complex but they're super rewarding - at least for me personally. Other fans choose not to worry too much about the analytics and prefer just to watch the games and enjoy the narratives of teams.)

Personally, I picked up a TON of knowledge from my Discord friend groups. TheBrattPack, noted Devils Twitter user, has a Discord server and it was a MAJOR reason I fell so in love with hockey. Great people, great atmosphere. Another Discord server I really like is the Reddit Panthers server - I don't know its invite status, but a Cats friend shot me the link because one of the people there livestreams the games a solid 90 seconds before my high seas sites. Really nice and welcoming community as well.

Another place to learn hockey is YouTube. Steve Dangle, who recently left SportsNet, is one of my personal favorites - his Dang-Its and Hat-Picks videos are really good to show you some of the things considered Really Bad and Really Good. He also has LFR (Leafs Fan Reaction) where he goes over every Leafs game and points out highlights and lowlights. There's also The Hockey Guy (Shannon) who talks about everything NHL - he is really strong breadthwise to learn about many teams and their strengths (and he does videos for every game), but depthwise you might want to look at other sources. If you want funny, try UrinatingTree's NHL videos - his commentary is hysterical.

Even here on Tumblr, though, there are a couple of super informative blogs. I'd like to think I'm one of them, and you can always drop in my inbox with questions! No question is "stupid", really; we all have to start somewhere. @nhlupdate is really good for general updates on the league and questions, and I recently discovered @reavenedges-lies as well - Ren has some great takes and analysis on the sport, and even taught me a thing or two about goaltender interference :).

But yeah, I think that's the basics of it. See what you're looking for in your hockey fandom and go from there. I can't answer what you should watch without knowing what you're interested in - what teams catch your eye? You might root for a local team, a team who has players you like, or even just pick a logo and go from there. Every team is unique and has its own strengths and challenges. You might find, for instance, that rooting for a team like the Flyers, who are entering a rebuild and won't be successful for a few years, is unrewarding. On the other hand, maybe you want to choose an underdog and avoid a team like the Oilers for that reason. It's all up to you. So let me know what team(s) you're interested in and we can go from there!

[j-stcrm]

gottagofastpietro​:

Pietro had expected the dumbfounded look – he really didn’t think Johnny realized what he was doing half the time. “It’s like you forget you’re absurdly beautiful. How’s that for a stupid new adjective, huh?” Pietro was still teasing, because he was tipsy and his sense of balance was off. He hadn’t realized that Johnny was tipping in the other direction, not until he pulled back in Pietro’s arms. Pietro scowled at that, and the accusation in Johnny’s tone. “I didn’t say you were, I just said you – Look, I’m European and I still don’t kiss my friends on the cheek,” he said ruefully. His voice dropped down a notch, teasing lilt lost in favor of the sharp, clipped words. “Of course you don’t. I can point to five guys out there who would be shocked you’re taken and three girls who think they can get your number even if you are. I was trying to be funny about it, засранец.” It slipped out, slurring into the rest of his words. Well shit. He thought it was going to be funny, and the more he drank the funnier it became, and funny was better than pissed off, but now he was pissed off anyway. Johnny left not long after, and Pietro stormed off to sulk by the entrance.

That’s how he had the pure dumb luck to be near Captain Carter. They worked together, stealthily at first and then with wild, reckless abandon to get people out. It was exhilarating and he wasn’t in the thick of the battle, wasn’t throwing himself at blasters and bad guys just to feel something. His only focus was helping, getting people out. Getting everyone out, keeping them together, reuniting them with loved ones. It was a good feeling. A stupid good feeling, and when the chaos wound down (too soon? too quick, even for him?), Pietro glanced around to catch Johnny’s eye. He hadn’t seen him the whole fight, but after something like this their little spat earlier wouldn’t mean anything. It’s going to be fine, he remembered thinking. Just before his eyes landed on the stretcher. Johnny’s body laying across it. Oxygen mask pressed to his face, held there by straps. His eyes clsoed.

Pietro didn’t scream like Thor had. But his knees buckled, and he might’ve fallen if Carter hadn’t caught him. He didn’t remember saying anything to her, but he must have, or maybe she just understood. He wanted to speed down to the medical wing, but his limbs were too heavy with dread, he could barely lift them. Carter got him there, steered him towards Johnny’s room. He was sitting up now, and Pietro felt a thousand emotions wash over him at once. He could speed again, and did, was next to Johnny in half a breath. “I saw you with the mask, and I – I didn’t. Пиздец, I just. We had that stupid fight, and then I saw you like that, and it’s –” He let out an irritable huff, that might’ve been a choked back sob, and reached for Johnny’s hand. “What happened, firefly?”

"There's five guys and three girls out there who either have no idea I'm with someone or think they can get with me even if they know," Johnny repeated, just looking at his boyfriend. He rolled his eyes and stood up, nodding to his glass. "Say that again to yourself when you sober up. Sounds more like you're accusing me of something I'm not doing rather than being funny, Pietro," Johnny retorted, his annoyance evident. He looked at him for a second longer, before walking off, deciding it was better for him to cool down and Pietro to clear his head enough.

He intended to find Pietro a few minutes later, but never got a chance to. Everything happened quickly after that. Johnny was talking to Diana one second, and the next he found himself up against a Hydra agent that eventually used some method that temporarily disabled his powers, making it feel like oxygen was being deprived from him. He was sitting up in the middle of the hospital bed when he saw Pietro come in. Still holding the oxygen mask to his face, he took a deep breath before lowering it. “Baby,” he started, knowing it had probably looked a lot worse than it actually was. “Stop. Calm down.” Johnny reached forward with his free hand, taking Pietro’s. “I’m okay. The assholes did something to me so I couldn’t use my powers. Or fucking breathe, apparently.” Looking up at Pietro, Johnny sighed, seeing the guilt and concern all over his face. "It looked worse than it was, P.” Johnny gently slid his free hand behind Pietro's neck, drawing him closer until their lips met. “I promise you, I'm fine."

[ballet-symphonie]

MT Q+A

Have you heard any updates in Maria Khoreva’s injury? Her posts on IG are getting very cryptic and concerning. Definitely a lack of giving updates. While injuries to dancers are very personal, there seems to be something “off” about this. It would be such a shame if this is career-ending.

It is hard to know her status, as I never know when the content she's posting was filmed. Some of it feels decently recent so it looks like she's dancing again in some capacity but I'm really not sure? Most 'in the know' people on Russian SNS have been very tight-lipped as well about her recovery. I am glad to see her taking her time, if nothing else, I want to see her dancing again but only when she's ready.

Ale, you once mentioned you'd like to see Anastasia Lukina getting another shot at Giselle after her debut as Medora. I saw that recently she did perform as Giselle for the first time since her debut in Le Corsaire, so I'm curious to know your thoughts on her latest performance and also if it was accepted well by the audience.

I saw very little honestly, most of the clips I saw from that performance were almost exclusively Stepin's solos. If she was bad, I'm sure she would have been badmouthed as she has been in the past (and if she did a disaster then she likely would have been given lots of false pity). I think it's far more likely she was decently mediocre and that the Russian audience was far more distracted by Nagahisa's returning Giselle :(

I feel like I can’t enjoy May Nagahisa like I used to do before the war. I really liked her and was happy to support her career, but I really can’t defend her decision to go back, is there any explanation? I don’t believe she didn’t have any good offers from other companies

I find it hard to believe that she didn't have any other offers and I also feel differently about her now that she's gone back. Like why did you leave in the first place then? So spineless! Regardless, she's a leading soloist with a versatile repertoire, a diploma from a reputable school, and an excellent following. She is a bit short for some European companies, but it's difficult for me to blame everything on her height. I'm confident she had options if she wanted them. Why Caxieta didn't get her head on straight and get her to stay in Amsterdam is beyond me. I am also very curious to know what the Japanese ballet community has to say about her currently.

Thoughts on Alina Somova? Sometimes I feel like there are things that no one can dance better than her, but other times I feel like something is bothering me. I don't know... she confuses me.

She has her good roles and she has her bad roles like everyone else, but the difference between her 'floor' and her 'celing' is larger than most ballerinas IMO. I have a friend who studied at VBA (forgeiner obviously) and was invited to watch her rehearsals from time to time by Somova's coach, Tatyana Terekhova. He would sometimes leave rehearsals flabbergasted and terrified for Alina, she had looked completely out of sorts, falling all over the place. But that night at the theatre, his jaw would drop, every pirouette was perfect and every balance was held. Of course, sometimes the opposite happened, she was too good in rehearsal but a disaster on stage.

For what it's worth, he thinks she could dance the Queen of the Dryads part in her sleep.

Is Alina Somova still with the Mariinsky or has she left Russia?

She is still listed as part of the company but is keeping a very low profile and is not performing often.

Maybe it is just me, but it doesn't make sense imo why in a theatre as competitive as MT with so many EXCELLENT dancers, Nuikina is a second soloist. At this moment, when so many gorgeous girls (and especially men but this is another story, don't get me started) are waiting for promotions, I feel like she is the only one which I consider as totally overated, talking on her rank.

Well, there's a reason why she hasn't been getting nearly as many debuts recently...

[linaseraphina13]

Hi! So since I'm stuck in quarantine and getting my diploma today, I have decided to somehow try and fix the hot mess known as Magisterium! Do you have any significant plot holes that you would like to have fixed, please?

Oh god, you don’t even know what you’ve started here.

1.) The European mages. I know I keep talking about this, but it drives me absolutely WILD how much potential they had with this plot point. Like, I guess we sort of understand WHY europe hates makars so much (thanks maugris you funky little necromancer) but I want to know what lengths they’ve gone to keep makars from popping up throughout the years. Like, do they believe Makars are evil by nature? Are they executed as soon as they’re discovered? What if it’s a child who doesn’t know how to control their powers? What if there’s a whole separate community of Makars out there who stay hidden from the rest of the mages? What if one of them defected, escaped to America, and had a child right before they were hunted down and executed? What if that child was Aaron? Like--there’s SO MUCH you could do with the concept of mages from other countries/continents having different laws and beliefs than the magisterium. And there’s so many ways you can tie it back to the main plot!!! AND THEY JUST?? DIDN’T??

2.) Speaking of, FUCKING?? AARON?? HELLO?? We have no backstory for him. Nothing. There were hints in like the first three books that MAYBE he wasn’t fully telling the truth about his father and MAYBE there was more going on there, but they dropped that like a hot potato the second he got killed off in TBK. It was like “Oh, he’s dead now, so even though he’s a main character and we have every intention to resurrect him, we’re not going to elaborate on who he is and how he came to be that way. But look! Call and Tamara kiss!” Like, NO I don’t CARE give me Aaron’s sad angsty gay backstory bc I KNOW he has one you cowards

3.) Maugris. That whole bullshit, while I understand the drama™ of waiting until the last book to reveal it, was SUCH a copout. Like, they really should’ve introduced it towards the middle of the books (maybe instead of Aaron dying hmmm) because while it was pretty exciting and plot-twisty, it was at the END of the whole series, so they didn’t get a chance to really flesh it out? It was like, “Boom, everything you thought about Constantine/Call was a lie all along, everything the main plot has been building up to has been completely turned on its head, aaaaaand now the book is over”. Like. Sis. You expect me to believe Callum Hunt is just vibing as a 20 something college student with a centuries old demon thing in the back of his head? Like, is he not going to GET RID OF IT? They could’ve made a whole separate book on Call, Tamara, and Aaron (and Jasper too I guess) trying to find some ancient ritual to get rid of Maugris forever (and perhaps travelling to Europe to find some Ancient Texts™)) but noooo they had to save it for last bc each book has to have a plot twist apparently.

4.) The people who were born as chaos ridden. I specifically remember someone talking about the animals in the forest outside the magisterium and how there were some, like Havoc, born as chaos ridden (which literally doesn’t make sense bc they’re dead but go off ig) and that this could happen with humans too? Or something like that? Idk I think Tamara said it in the first book but like how fucking wild would it be to be birthed from a corpse? And weren’t they implying that Call might’ve been born a chaos ridden too? Like before the whole Constantine Madden thing at the end of TIT I could’ve sworn that’s what they were aiming for. Idk I feel like they shouldn’t have mentioned it if they weren’t planning on going anywhere with that, even though it fundamentally makes absolutely no sense.

5.) (this is the last one bc this is getting really long) I would desperately like to know more about mage society. Especially in other countries and whatnot. Like, I don’t remember if this is mentioned, but what do mages do to make money? Are they able to sell their creations to other mages? Are there designated areas where mages can come together for events? Like some sort of shopping center? I mean, they have schools. They have colleges. Surely they have other secret establishments scattered around the world. And I would also like to know more about the whole magic system. I know it’s based off of the elements, so it’s not like Harry Potter where they have magic words and enchantments and potions and whatnot, but it would be cool if there were more arcane elements you wouldn’t necessarily think of, like “blood” or “soul”. Imagine how fucking insane the series would’ve gotten if there were mages out there who could use soul magic. Or mages who used crazy blood rituals to make sacrifices and summon demons and shit. SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL.

Anyway, congrats on your diploma! Sorry this got so out of hand, I just have a lot of feelings for this series and no one to talk about it with 💀

[sirro85-blog]

Dark Horses: 1

Humans are unusual, in most other races the classification of attractiveness is simple. In the Flet it was size, the larger males and females were deemed more desirable. Amongst the Rhul the more colourful the skin the more attractive the potential mate, I could go on. With humans however it appears to be personal choice or perhaps I should say preference as humans don't get to choose who they find attractive.

Captain Becca was drawn to, in her words, "muscle bound dickheads" while Knickers preferred men who were less heavily muscled but extremely well groomed and Barbie preferred what she referred to as "pretty boys".

These three women were themselves all considered attractive but were physically all different (note that they were all of white European descent so their appearance was not as varied as humans can be) Becca was tall and had a slender build beneath her muscled frame. The two Cassidies Knickers and Barbie were very different in appearance. Knickers was slim and lightly built with delicate features; Barbie was named for her appearance, full figured with almost impossible proportions she was named for the old child's toy she so resembled.

Most fascinating to me was the response these physical appearances drew from others.

The soft "tock" "crack" of a snooker cue knocking two balls together was the background noise of the conversation as Becca watched Knickers clean up the table.

"I dunno, he's really handsome Knix but do you really want a guy that takes longer to get ready than you do?" They were discussing the liaison they were meeting with, one that Knickers had expressed appreciation of.

"Well now I know why Kovac always looks so rough, he's only got the time it takes for you to apply that one brand of eyeliner and put on some heels," laughed Barbie.

"Yeah but at least with Kovac, you know he can go all night," said Knickers in a knowing voice.

"How would you know?" Snapped Becca a little defensive.

"Oh not first hand but you forget I used to share a wall with Kovac, boy has stamina," Knickers and Barbie laughed at Becca's face.

"Well, you're not wrong," the Captain admitted grudgingly.

"At least you two get some eye candy, you don't see many of my type out here," Barbie said sulkily.

"We'll be back in Pelcar-3 soon enough and we'll all have something to look at," Becca said.

"Speaking of eye-candy, Bex somthin' for you to enjoy," Knickers said nodding to the bar.

Looking up Becca saw what Knickers was talking about, 12 soldiers of the Earth Defence Corps had just walked in.

"To look at maybe, I prefer my meatheads to be able to think...well now I do."

"No danger of that with this lot, they're not just EDC they're marines" muttered Barbie, she looked nervous.

The Earth Defence Corps was a partly private enterprise set up on earth when certain individuals and countries rejected the decision by the UN to entrust their military power to the Galactic Council. The EDC were founded to defend earth but since their inception has started to be used for "furthering the human cause" this usually meant trouble was close behind. Worst of all were the EDC marines the shocktroops of the corps, they viewed themselves as highly trained elites but most former UN troops called them "cannon fodder" and spoke of them with derision.

"That's game," said Knickers.

"That's me v Barbie to see who sucks more," said Becca.

"We all know that's your title sweet," said Barbie a little nastily.

"Being good at snooker is a legacy of a misspent youth," replied Becca haughtily.

"Right and we all know you spent your teenage years flat on your back with your ankles on your forehead." Knickers heckled, Barbie laughed so hard she spilled her drink.

Becca pouted and then glanced at the EDC soldiers, "where's Kovac and Wolf?"

"Relax Kovac won't let Wolf start a bar fight, he's responsible remember," Barbie said gesturing two tables over where the two men also played snooker.

"Sure, sober Kovac is responsible but let's not forget Bottle-of-Rum-Kovac is a mischievous deviant who takes great delight in upsetting people like local security forces, the Galactic Defence Air Command and the Korlax Dominion." Becca cautioned.

"True, Fun-Kovac would definitely enjoy embarrassing the EDC," Knickers agreed.

"You shouldn't call it Fun-Kovac, maybe Troubl-" Becca was cut off when one of the EDC marines pressed his groin against Barbie's backside as she bent over to take her shot.

As so often happened when humans grew violent I could not follow the flow of actions but one moment Barbie was bent over the snooker table and the marine was pressed up behind her and then Barbie was standing, the marine was face down on the table with the pool cue was jammed into the marine's throat turning him a purple colour and Barbie had a grip of the man's wrist, twisting it at a funny angle.

"Now I can only assume that as I found this hand in my skirt that it somehow belongs to me," Barbie said calmly into the sudden silence of the snooker hall. "Now I'm willing to return this hand perfectly undamaged if you promise to take it away and not bother me again...whimper pathetically if you agree."

Around the table a crowd had gathered, several EDC marines moved to help their friend but Wolf and Kovac were quick to block their way.

Barbie's victim stayed silent for a few more seconds before she applied a little more pressure to his arm and a wail escaped the marine's lips. "Good, all settled then," said Barbie and she shoved the marine away from her so he sprawled onto the floor, he received a kick to the rump as he struggled to his feet.

The marine regained his feet and nurses his arm for a moment before turning to regard the smaller woman before him. He appeared to gain some swagger back when he realised he was several inches taller and significantly heavier than Barbie.

He swore at Barbie and moved as if to grab her but she moved quicker, the snooker cue snapped out striking him in the throat and then as he staggered back Barbie connected a kick to the groin hard enough to lift him from the ground.

Chaos broke out, Kovac planted his forehead into the nearest marine and Wolf brought his drinking utensil into the face of his opponent. Knickers threw the snooker balls at the four marines approaching from the farside of the table, driving them back.

Becca backed up hurriedly as two marines closed on her. She staggered and flung up two hands, the marines paused, "wait, wait for God's sake these are 6 inch heels," and then delivered a kick to the closest marine's head that caught his jaw and snapped his head to the right and he dropped to the floor insensate, "even I need to get my balance right in these damn things," she said as the other marine rushed her. Becca fell back onto a table pulled both legs in and then kicked out hard, her left foot ineffectively struck the marine's arm but her right caught his thigh, her narrow heel puncturing his flesh and causing him to fall, Becca's swinging left foot caught him under the chin.

Wolf hurdled the snooker table to land crossbody on four marines sending them all sprawling, Barbie and Knickers had both used snooker cues to good effect beating two attackers down. Kovac was facing one more marine who appeared to be the leader, he eyed Kovac then drew a large knife from his belt. Kovac cast around for a weapon and realising nothing useful was near him stepped back and to his left putting an overturned stool between him and his armed opponent.

"Its a shame there isn't a fruit bowl here, you'd be amazed at what I can do with a pineapple," remarked Kovac.

The marine looked a little confused as Kovac edged back further muttering, "even a banana in a pinch," Kovac looked past the marine to the barman, "got any fruit?" He called.

"Fruit won't help," growled the marine.

"It'll keep you distracted," said Kovac as Becca hit the marine with a stool.

Only Wolf was still fighting, he was a blur of fists and feet as he pounded all four marines at once. Seeing his friends watching he stepped back, "take your friends and get out," he yelled gesturing at the various supine marines in the snooker hall, the bloodied marines gathered up their more unfortunate members and delarted.

Kovac paid for the damages and the friends left the bar.

"It's possible that we may live to regret upsetting the EDC," Wolf said as the five of them arrived at their rooms.

"God knows they regret pissing off Barbie," Kovac said.

"What are they doing this far out?" Wolf insisted.

"At a guess...The new colony on planet 1D.F7 will need security with its proximity to the Xhost controlled space. I think they're here for that."

"1D.F7? I'm no good with designations," Becca asked.

"They're calling it Thresh-28 as it's technically part of the Thresh system."

"That's a huge contract, it's going to be a major hub for this regions expansion, the Galactic Council won't employ EDC troops for that." Becca said.

"My guess...they will if the EDC are doing it cheap, and they will, they'll do it to get their foot in the door so they can take a pop at the Xhost, they haven't forgiven them for the incident with the Saturn defences. Once the EDC rile the Xhost up the Galactic Council will be forced to involve themselves to protect the Thresh and Galun systems. "

"Great so they're here looking for a fight and Barbie gave them one, good job Babs you saved the galaxy," Knickers laughed.

"Goodnight Knickers, Barbie, goodnight Captain," Kovac said steering Becca through the door to their rooms.

Humans unlike many races have the ability to overlook rational facts and logic and to trust opinions and their preferred versions of events to reality. Often they convince themselves that these alternative views are the "true" facts, such creatures would certainly be capable of starting a war over pride and imagined offence but I did not truly believe that even the EDC would look to provoke a war with the Xhost fanatics.

[unicornprincessinthetardis]

My (often relatively reasonable) dad: ...so Enoch Powell was right, what he said has happened.

Me: and you don't think maybe he could've said it without inciting racial hatred and literally saying that in time the rivers might run with the blood of 'native' British people because of immigration, do you?

My dad: no, you're being ridiculous, it had to be said, and there really are areas of cities that are majority black or Muslim now so he was right in his predictions, and it didn't change how things were anyway

Me: *goes away to calm down and read up on the 'Rivers of Blood' speech*

[I already knew some of this but here's a précis for those unfamiliar: in April 1968, in Wolverhampton, UK, a Conservative MP, Enoch Powell, made a speech, about the proposed 'Race Relations Bill' (which subsequently made it illegal to refuse housing/ employment/public services to people on the grounds of race/colour/ ethnic & national origins).

The speech was strongly anti-immigrant, calling for 'voluntary re-emigration' and for moves to be made to stem the tide of immigration, else Britain would be 'overrun' and sooner or later white British people would find themselves fully second-class citizens, and that in some ways they already were. He also talked about a "tragic and intractable phenomenon which we watch with horror on the other side of the Atlantic", which I take to mean immigration in the USA to the similar end of white people no longer being in charge - which in 1968 was so far from the truth, and just horrible baseless fear-mongering, playing on people’s xenophobia and racist prejudice - and compared pro-immigration/anti-discrimination newspapers to the ones that had denied and hid the rise of fascism and threat of war in the 1930s. Plus, he talked about a constituent of his, a woman who lived on a street that had become occupied by mostly black people, who lost her white lodgers and complained to the council for a tax rate reduction because she wouldn't take black tenants, and instead basically got told not to be racist, and presented it as a bad thing that she'd been treated like that.

The speech's common name comes from a phrase he quoted from the Aenid (because he was also a Cambridge-educated classics scholar), 'I seem to see "the River Tiber foaming with much blood"', although he just called it 'the Birmingham speech' and seemed to be surprised by the uproar he caused.]

Me (to self): So it didn't change things did it? How do you explain the attacks against nonwhite people where the attackers literally shouted his name and repeated his rhetoric? Oh, they would definitely have happened if he hadn't made that speech, wouldn't they? And the British people of foreign descent who were so afraid they might be removed from their lives just for not being white they always had cases packed to go? And the fact that experts says he set back progress in 'race relations' by about ten years and legitimised being racist/anti-immigrant in the same way UKIP and some pro-Brexit types have done within the last few years here (fun fact: immediately after the Brexit vote, people were being racially and physically abusive to visibly Muslim and/or South Asian people, telling them to leave because of Brexit, which was of course extreme nonsense because their presence would be nothing to do with the EU, and more likely the British Empire and the Commonwealth, but they were doing it because it seemed suddenly okay to be openly racist, because Nigel Farage and his ilk, and a legally non-binding vote surrounded in lies, said so) and others have done elsewhere, in the US and Europe and Brazil and so many other places.

Powell was interviewed about the speech in 1977 and stood by his views, said that because the immigration figures were higher than those he had been 'laughed at' about in his speech, he was right and now governments didn't want to deal with the "problem", were passing it off to future generations and it would go on until there was a civil war!

He also said he wasn't a 'racialist' (racist) because he believed a "'racialist' is a person who believes in the inherent inferiority of one race of mankind to another, and who acts and speaks in that belief" so he was in fact "a racialist in reverse" as he regarded "many of the peoples in India as being superior in many respects—intellectually, for example, and in other respects—to Europeans." (I mean, I know I can't hold him to our standards but a) that's still racism and b) he did think that mankind was divided into very distinct, probably biologically so, races, which, yes, normal for the time, but the whole 'each with different qualities and ways in which they were better than others' is iffy)

Me: *goes back to Dad to make my point and definitely not get upset* So here are some things that literally happened as a consequence of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech...

So even if he was correct to say what he did (I mean, he wasn't but you have to tiptoe around Dad and I had points to make), he shouldn't have said it the way he did

My dad: so you think the truth should be suppressed? You're only looking at this from one perspective (he thinks he knows better because he was alive at the time and my brother and I weren't despite the fact that we're both into politics and history and, y'know, not into scapegoating, behaving oddly, and laying blame because people are different to us - he and mum also have issues with trans people and we're trying so hard to change their views/behaviours but I'm not sure it's working & that's a whole different story) and there are these areas that really are Muslim-only (because informal lending and wanting to keep the community together is such a crime, right?) and they don't integrate and want to impose Sharia law (only he couldn't remember what it was called right then) and you don't know what it's like (he is an engineer surveyor and travels all over to inspect boilers and cooling systems and all sorts of stuff, and this includes into majority-Black or -Asian (Muslim and otherwise) areas in Birmingham - which is not a no-go area for non-Muslims, I'm a deeply agnostic white woman, it's my nearest big city and I wish I went there more often but it's tricky as I don't drive, public transport is bad/inconvenient, and I have no friends to go with except depression and anxiety [which are worse 'friends' than the ones that I found out only liked me in high school because I always had sweets and snacks at lunch so when I got braces and my mouth hurt too much to eat much of anything which meant I certainly didn't have snacks, they dropped me pretty quickly] so apparently he's the expert on all such matters)

What I wish I'd said: *staying very calm* well, and that's your opinion, I'm going, I've got sewing to finish *leaves*

What actually happened:

Me: have you considered that they are able to buy up areas like that because white people leave because of their prejudice against the 'influx'?

Dad: they buy up great areas because they buy in groups (I think this refers to a sort of community lending thing to be compliant with various parts of Islam? [Please correct me if I'm wrong] which is effectively what building societies/credit unions were, at least to begin with, and he doesn't take issue with those) and want to stay together. Why do they do that? Sikhs don't do that, they buy big houses and aren't bothered about being close together.

Me: different religious ethoses? I don't know... But you do know that they people who want the UK to be a caliphate ruled by Sharia law are just a minority, and that most Muslims would not want that at all, just like you?

Dad: but they still do want it, and it could happen, if there was a charismatic leader,

Me: *incredulous* you know it's about as likely for that to actually happen as for strictly Orthodox Jewish people to be able to make this country into another Israel, right? Besides, there are the police, and the armed forces, and intelligence agencies, not to mention the Government and civil service (thought I'd got a win there, he hates the unchanging upper-class-public-school-Oxbridge nature of the people who effectively really run the government, constant no matter the leaning of the elected party, but no) who have a vested interest in preserving themselves in their current state so would be able to stop anything like that

Dad: yes, but the cutting of funding to police and public services means they might not be able to stop it (I realise now that he's oddly economically left-wing but also really quite socially conservative in some ways)

Me: *getting angry* but it's still an absolute minority, most Muslims would be horrified if it really did happen, and have you ever considered that maybe they wouldn't be so ill-disposed to us and to integration if we didn't demand it of them the moment that they arrive, demand that they assimilate or go away (he often uses the phrase "yes, but they're in somebody else's country, they should make an effort") and maybe young people wouldn't be so easily radicalised and people generally mistrust the people who don't try to understand them, you know, want them to change everything about themselves (for instance, Dad is violently opposed to the burqa etc and not really a fan of the hijab - still doesn't get that it's a choice and people can do what they want because apparently 'anyone could be wearing one of those things' - burqas/niqabs, I presume - and that it must all be forced because who would possibly choose to dress like that - I have half a mind to show him those sites about Christian modest dressing (one was a shop and a lot of their range was pretty cute!) that I once found, just to see if that'll prove to him it is a choice thing) *tries to leave*

Dad: *angry* You stay there and listen to me! You're just looking at it from one perspective and that's not the truth, you're so biased and closed-minded, you only look at things your way!

Me: *furious* Really? Really? Am I? *Scoffs/incredulous exhalation* I'm closed-minded, am I?... *Storms out, shouts as I go* I'm not the one who said Enoch Powell was right!!

This is all heavily paraphrased, because I've been writing this for literal hours now and I was angry and don't remember well at the best of times, it may have been worse than how I'm writing it

Also, going to be tricky to patch up but right now I stand by what I said, because I know my perspective is limited, but at least I actually admit that and try to find out what people different to me think, rather than basing all my opinions and things on my own experiences which can't be universal, as he seems to

Other bs my dad said during the two conversations: "don't get so upset about it, it's only history" (which is bold, considering it was the 50th anniversary this year and he was literally 11 years old when it happened so probably saw/heard news coverage)... "Yes of course far right groups use 'Enoch was right' as a slogan, it doesn't mean anything"... Reiterating the 'nothing changed' thing multiple times... Dismissing the fact that Powell said there'd be a civil war because apparently just because the British/Europeans were aggressive conquerors anyone else who came in numbers anywhere would eventually have that aim and how ridiculous that view actually is... Dismissing the fact that Powell basically incited racial hatred and violence with the inclusion of an irrelevant Classical phrase which spread fear on all sides...

I could go on but I'm so tired and don't want to make myself more upset

I love my parents but I really don't like them very much lately but I don't know if I just put up with it or leave sooner or later and if I do leave I don't know where I'd go because no friends

Basically I'm so sorry for my parents' prejudices which I'm still trying to unlearn myself - I apologise wholeheartedly to all Muslim and Jewish people and honestly pretty much everyone they're prejudiced against

[trashmenace]

Tag Team Elimination Tournament Round Two

Soldier of Fortune (March 1985, v10n03)

From Wailing Wall to Hallowed Ground by Jim Graves

Learned a lot about the Vietnam Veterans Memorial - I didn't realize there were objections at the time to the bleakness of the Memorial Wall, as well as to the architect Maya Yin Ling for being born in Ohio. I tease, it was from racism, with Ross Perot calling her an "egg roll". They added a statute and a flagpole as part of a compromise, and it's questionable how much of the controversy was from veterans as a whole as opposed to some financial backers. This article is about the inauguration of the Three Soldiers statue.

Complete Man (February, 1967, v7n01)

Vietnam's Life-or-Death Rescue Daredevils by Emile C. Schurmacher

Quick handful of pages on helicopter rescues, evacuating wounded from fire zones.

Teen-Age Gangsters (1957)

Thrill Pills

Straight talk about goofballs. As silly as the parodies are, 1950s drug warnings are way sillier. Teens using barbiturates constantly get laid which somehow leads to car theft.

Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine (March 1983, v28n03)

Professor Kreller's Secret by Ingram Meyer

A romance author hires a pair of private detectives, one a grandma, to investigate her professor neighbor, who has guest visit but never leave. The professor drops dead on campus, they find newspaper clippings that the visitors are criminals who escaped justice, and they think the professor turned them into cats. This is introduced as a second act red herring, but the story just kinda ends with a "maybe he did turn them into cats...somehow". Feels like it was written for children.

Street & Smith's Mystery Magazine (May 1940,v06n01)

Too Many Ghosts by Maxwell Grant

Norgil the Magician investigates a murder in a haunted theater. Usual convoluted Scooby-Doo stuff.

Startling Detective Adventures (December 1937, v19n113)

Milwaukee's Passion Slayers and the Missing Schoolgirl

Two drifters rape and kill a teenage girl. Interesting to see some basic profiling, which was probably as effective as it is now. After conviction, the judge gives a speech about sterilization, which I'm sure has nothing to do with the culprits being Eastern European.

Savage Realms Monthly Volume 1 (January 2021)

The Festival of the Bull by Steve Dilks

Bohun, a warrior from an Africa stand-in, escapes a slave ship and lands in a Greco-Roman stand in, where he his captured, forced to fight a jaguar, and escapes. Solid enough, but after reading 70s historical fiction the recent stuff feels a bit PG-13 to me.

A couple of snoozers in this round, but Professor Kreller's Secret is giving me second thoughts about the entire shelf of AHMMs I've collected. Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine is eliminated.

[taco-calamitous]

Ha-HA! Have THIS long-ass shit on your page!

[wackiekebab]

Japanese teacher: so, how much do you guys know about the history of japan

Majority of the class: not much

Those special few: well........................japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it's "beautiful"

(ominus low E5 maybe?)in the year negative 1,000,000,000 (drop music, dead)japan might not have been here.

(resume music, mybe) in the year -40,000, it was here, and you could walk to it

and some people walked to it.

then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, (slosh sound) it became an island ,and now there's lots of "trees!" (brisk, short, up beat. airy.like maybe with a light high reverby string triad)because it's warmer.

so now there's people on the island, they're basically sort of hanging out (in between the mountains) eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology, like stones! and bowls! (groovy! they put like shoelaces on them or something)

[actually their technology was super sick. they had bows, and they knew how to fish, and there was plenty of food growing on trees all the time, it was great, but then it got colder and there was less food and less people and it was pretty sad.] cut

(ding, dong) (bell sound) it's the outside world, and they have technology from the future (flash "bronze age" on the screen in the corner somewhere).

like really good metal, and Crazy Rice Farms (exaggerate this visually, but not with vocal effects). now you can make a lot of rice, really really quickly.

(side note: (like, tint the screen and caption it as a side note) that means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food. (red)

which is something everybody needs tosurvive (epic reverb and matching graphic huge dramatic effect or whatever)

so that makes you king.

rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here, with these main kingdoms. eventually, This became the main main kingdom (yamato), in control of the entire land.

knock knock, get the door, it's religion.

it's buddhism, and Baekje wants you very badly to try it.

"please try this religion" said Soga. (baeklje was paying him to say this, i think) NO, said everybody.

"TRY IT" said soga.

NO said everybody, again. quieter this time.

and so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. (show 17 article constitution.)

eventually someone else took control of the government.(Prince Naka no Ōe and Nakatomi no Kamatari) and made some reforms. (taiko reforms). Like making the Government govern More (ritsuryo) and making the government more like china's government, which is a government thay governs more.

"Hi china," they said.

"Hi dipshit," said china

"Can you call us something other than dipshit?" Said japan

"Like what"

"How about sunrise land" said japan

And they stole some of China's alphabet to write a book about thmself. then write lots of poetry and art and another book about themself

then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died, and kept it in one place for a while . right here  (heia?? kyo) so they could make it bigger and stronger with like more offices and departments.

and they conquered the north, finally.  (show checking off checklist) (just) get that squared away

& they generally stopped talking to china, because the Chinese government was kind of falling apart at this point.

japan changed their writing system (kana) a little bit.

then they did more art, and poetry start to show examples)

(then clarify)

the rich people in the palace did art and poetry the poor people probably had to work

the art and poetry and writing got better and better, and the imperial palace was so busy doing art and fighting over the throne that they didn't really care about the rest of the country.

rich people in the suburbs had to hire Thugs to protect their shit

the thugs got more organized and became as powerful as the government. (right here, say where the headquarters is, and introduce terms "shogun" and/or "shogunate")

they let the emperor still be "emperor"  but the warriors were actually in control

Breaking news,  the mongols have invaded china.

"we've invaded china" said the mongols.  "please respect us, or else we might invade you as well."

"okay"  said japan (swords drawing, with sheath noise)

so the mongols came over, and tried to fight the Japanese.

on the first day, the Japanese did pretty well, and on the second day, the Mongols army was randomly destroyed by a tornado

the mongols said what the fuck and tried again.

this time, after 7 weeks of fighting, the mongols were randomly destroyed by another tornado.

the warriors were very excited, but very tired ......

then the Emperor overthrows the Shogunate, then the the shogunate overthrows him back and installs a different emperor, who makes the shogun shogun again,

now in Kyoto.

[so how's the economy right now?]

It's Great, actually! there's a lot of trade with Korea and China, things are going really great, thanks for asking.

AND THERE'S A LOT OF NEW ART, here are some of the types:

(list types)

it's time for Who's Going to be the Next Shogun?

usually it's the shoguns kid. but the shogun doesn't have a kid. so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. he says 'ok' but then the shogun has a kid.

SO NOW WHO IS IT GOING TO BE?

vote now on your phones.

and everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down.

the shogun actually didn't care, he was off somewhere doing poetry.

and the whole country began fighting for control of the country.

["FREE FOR ALL!" (sound clip from smashbros64) everyone is fighting. EVERYONE is fighting.] cut, replac with above line.

(can you show a map?)

(boat crash landing sound)

knock knock, it's europe. no, they're not here to Take Over (yet), they just want to sell some shit, like clocks. and GUNS (pan hard right with rev/delay jingle: and "jesus"

meanwhile, this clan is ready to win the free for all, but they are INTERCEPTED by somebody younger, crazier, and more talented (oda nobunaga)

he builds a castle Close to the city, but just far enough so that it won't catch on fire from drama. he is about halfway through conquering japan when

someone who works for him kills him. and then someone else who works for him kills them . and That guy finishes conquering japan.

and then he confiscated everybody's swords!

"and now i'm going to invade korea, and then hopefully China!" he said, and failed. and also died.

so ANOTHER GUY (tokugowa Ieyasu) took over (after fighting everyone else who wanted to take over)

and moved the capital to Edo, which seemed like a good strategy at the time, and he still let the "Emperor" in kyoto dress like an "Emperor"

the Tokugowa family continued to rule japan for a long time, and they were VERY strict. so strict they closed the country. no one can leave, and no one can come in. (sidenote)EXCEPT for the dutch, if they want to buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here (circle Dejima)

now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a LOT. business increased. schools were built. roads were built. everyone learned to read. books were published. there was art, poetry, plays, fashion,

and Dutch Studies.

people started to study european science from books they bought from the dutch. we're talkin geography, medicine, astronomy, languages, physics, and maybe even electricity (emphasize this with graphic swell and touch of audio. and full screen something .)

over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow d-

(interrupt the narration.)

(boom. big huge low drone note/drum hit. just show a huge freakin ship. and possibly an overlay of the united states flag at the time.

narrate a little more solemly this time)

knock knock. it's the united states. with Huge boats, with guns. gunboats.

"open .. the country. stop .. having it be closed." said the United States.

there was really nothing they could do. so they signed a contract that lets United Stats, Britain and Russia visit japan any time they want.

Choshu and Satsuma hated this. "that sucks." they said. "this SUCKS."

and they overthrew the shogunate, and somehow, made the Emperor the Emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed 'Eastern Capital' (Tokyo). they made a new government... which was a Lot More Western. (maybe show 'privy council' compared to british privy council?) in fact they hired hundreds of Westerners to help make the government more Western. they made a new constitution, that was .. pretty Western. (show a diagram of govt if you can, showing house of representatives, etc)

and a military that was pretty western. (show visually LARGE)

and do you know what else is western?

that's right, it's CONQUERING STUFF (visually large, but not so much in audio)

so what can we conquer? (map showing japan and surroundings)

(quick zoom to korea) Korea! they conquer korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, ... and then go "a little bit further" (liaodung peninsula) but Russia rushes in, out of nowhere, and says "stop, no, you can't take that. we were gonna .. build a railroad thru here, to .. try and get some warm water, ..

and Russia builds their railroad ... supervised by a shit-ton of soldiers, and then when the railroad was done, they downgraded to, (fake out decrease graphic, then immediately increase) a FUCKTON. did i say downgrade, i meant upgrade.

and Japan says "can you maybe chill". and russia says "how about maybe you chill." (maybe pointing finger appears on that word?)

(silent, black background.) japan is kind of scared of russia. you'll never guess who is also kind of scared of Russia. quick crossfade into spin around the world.) Great Britain

so Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together, so they can be A Little Less Scared Of Russia.

feeling confident, japan goes to war with russia, just for a moment (show actual time),

jingle: "it's time for world war 1" see movie 65

the World is about to Have A War. because, it's the 1900s, and Weapons are getting crazy, and all these Empires are excited to try them out on each other. (you can show diagram if you want)

meanwhile, japan has been enjoying conquering stuff, and wants MORE (huge, voracious emphasis.) and the next thing on their list is (show "to be conquered" checklist)

this part of China, (tsingdao) and lots of tiny islands .

All that stuff belongs to Germany.

which just had war declared on it by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being tresspassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France's ass because France is friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria/(hungary)'s ass, because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia's ass, because someone in serbia shot the leader of Austria's ass. er, actually he shot him in the head.

and Britain is currently friends with Japan. so you know what that means. (silent pause.) Duh, japan should invade all up in Germany's shit! which they wanted to do anyway.

so they call britain on the Tele(gram) to sort of ... Let Them Know .

and then they did it! and they also helped Britain a little, here and there, with some errands and stuff.

(classic ringing bell sound)

now the war is over, and Congratulations Japan! you technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the Negotiating Table! with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. and Yes, japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from germany.

you also get to join the post war Mega Alliance: the League Of Nations !!! jingle see movie 66

(spoken quicker, like fine print) who's mission statement is to Try Not To Take Over the World

The Great Depression (big low ominous slam, title screen, slowly growing multiple layer thing a la pineapple or mountain of regret)

(narated still over that ominous thing) the great depression is bad. and japan's economy is now crappy.

(break from ominous) but the military is is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria.

and the League of Nations is like

"no, don't do that, if you're in the league of nations your'e not supposed to take over the world!" (almost like Eric Wareheim 'i cant waeeaeit' sort of voice)

and japan said, "how bout i do anyway" jingle , see movie 71.mov

and japan invaded more and more and more and more of china, and was planning to invade the entire East. (show proposed map of greater east asia co prosperity sphere)

you've got mail" it's from Germany, the new leader of Germany. he has a cool mustache, and he's trying to take over the world and needs friends. (show text, quick letter type / crop reveal of the contents of email: "i am interested in taking over the world, and i was wondering if you could be my friend." this also got forwarded to Italy.

they all decided to be friends, because they had so much in common. (immediately fill table with 'trying to take over the world' and 'needs friends')

"it's time for world war 2" jingle movie 72.

Germany is invading the neighbors. then they invade the neighbors' neighbors. then the neighbors' neighbors' neighbors , who happened to be britain said 'holy shit' and the united states started helping britain, because they are "good friends" see movie 77.

and

started Not Helping japan (clearly indicate or caption somewhere on the screen that that means they stopped "selling oil"), because 'they're "friends and our friends are not friends" (tiny gap) "plus they're planning on invading the entire ocean" same mel. see movie 79.

the United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb. bigger than any other bomb, ever.

Just In Case (maybe like, real silent, plain text, full screen, background dimmed. real dead voc.) ( if you can really subtlely indicate Germany .... in the background. )

but they still haven't joined the war. war looks bad on TV, and united states is really starting to care about their image.

But then, japan spits on them ! in Hawaii, and challenges them to war. and they say Yes! and then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also.

so the United States goes to war in Europe (scale tip, germany flies off) and they help the gang chase germany back into germany, and then when they are done, they chase japan back into japan.

and they haven't used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on japan. (devastating explosion which stops all music.) (then after a medium pause , like 3 sec?) "they actually drop 2"

(longer pause, overwhelming silence / mushroom cloud, etc.)

(silent.)

(white flag appears, which says "ok, you win" no vocal here.)

United States installed a new government (show like install wizard or something, maybe even include process details like constitution, blah blah blah, etc) inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for big international businesses to do big international business, such as sell lots of cars, and electronics.

then the economy got worse and staed kinda bad, (show line graph of econ) but they continued to make great video games and cartoons.

Everyone: ....what the fu-???