#maybe i'll pick up disney+ for a while and finally watch all those shows that have been taunting me for a while now

[starstruckpurpledragon]

So after much thought I've decided that I'm gonna cancel Netflix. I don't watch it as much as I used to, I've got plenty of other stuff to watch, and the company has lost sight of its original mandate in order to chase profits.

I'm gonna let my membership renew one last month and watch a few things I'd been putting off and then at the end of February I'll be canceling. I'm not really sure when the new anti-password rules go into effect but a month gives me time to rewatch Sandman and finish TMNT and finally watch Wednesday.

And then if there's anything left on there I want to watch but haven't yet by the time the end of Feb rolls around? It won't be enough to keep me around.

And if I get asked why I'm canceling, I'm going to tell them their policies are classist. That the new anti-password sharing protocols are going to gut something that once brought families together over distance and turn it into something that creates an undo burden on families that, for whatever reason, can't live together in a single 'household'. They're making their service more restrictive, harder to use, and prohibitively expensive. And I will specifically tell them that since I'm dropping Netflix, I will be considering joining a different streaming service that I would not have subscribed to had I continued to subscribe to Netflix.

I want them to know that not only are they driving me away from their service, but they're driving me towards their competitors.

In chasing profit from new subscribers like it can only ever grow bigger, Netflix is killing itself. If the company wants new revenue, you know what would help? Selling dvds/bluerays/digital copies of its movies and tv shows. Exclusivity of it's newer stuff is great and all, but why not some of it's older originals? Someone who buys the first season of a show that's already complete on Netflix might just sign up for the service rather than wait for the rest of the seasons to come out. And for others it might not be enough to lure them to the platform, but they might just buy up the rest of the series over time as the rest of the seasons come available. That's still money in the company pockets. (Not to forget people who'd keep the streaming service but still buy personal copies of the media.)

But that kind of policy would actually make sense.

[thebookreader12345]

750 Followers Celebration - Q&A

Thank you so much for supporting me through this journey! You guys don't know how much this means to me. Every single one of you is amazing.

Below the cut are my answers to the questions that you all submitted.

Q: Do you think Jay is going to become Sergeant this season? A: There has been a lot of debate over this question because of the past few seasons and all of the "Easter eggs", like the sergeant exam poster hanging in the background of the show. In my opinion, I do not believe Jay will become Sergeant. Yet. I think it won't be until the beginning of next season because, if this is a possible storyline, I would expect that the producers and writers would make the finale of season 9 about Voight stepping down/getting promoted, etc.

Q: Did Chicago Justice deserve more episodes? A: I'm sort of split with this question. I loved the fact that there was a big episode involving Kevin, and they always included people from Med, Fire, and PD in some of the episodes. However, the whole plot of the episodes was kind of slow because it wasn't like they were police officers and could go out and chase suspects and arrest people and what not. Their job was just to gather the evidence and then present it in court. I think for many, the show fell flat because there wasn't much action, and part of me does agree with that, but the whole idea of the show itself was kind of cool.

Q: What would make you stop watching each Chicago show? A: This is a tough question because I've only ever dropped one show that I can think of, and it was only because the plotline got really dumb. Maybe if some major characters died in each show I'd stop watching it? But then again, I love the One Chicago universe so much that I don't think even that would stop me from watching. So yeah. I really don't know.

Q: Do you believe in magic? A: As much as I would love for magic to be real, I don't believe it is. But I feel like everyone thinks that way. Cause lets be honest, Harry Potter and Disney make magic look so cool. However, we all know deep down somewhere that it's almost impossible for certain things to be real, and magic just so happens to be one of them.

Q: Are you superstitious? A: I'm not the most superstitious person out there, but I do somewhat follow a few superstitions. Whenever I find a penny on the ground with heads facing up, I pick it up because I believe I'll get good luck. Doing the whole "fingers crossed" thing is something I do a lot. I believe you shouldn't open an umbrella in the house or else you'll receive bad luck. Broken mirrors are bad omens. Those are the top 4 I believe in, but other than that, I'm not really too superstitious.

Q: Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? A: I mean, I would hope so. I appreciate my level of smarts, and whenever my friends acknowledge them or compliment me on them it makes my day. However, with that, people think that I'm always only doing things to boost my intelligence. For example, I love to read. So whenever I say that I didn't do much over the weekend, people always assume that I read a bunch, when I really didn't. Or that I always study for tests or do homework like a week before it's do. That is not the case. But for the most part, I believe my perception of myself is the same as how other people perceive me.

Q: Who is your favorite couple on each One Chicago show? A: Okay, so for Med, there aren't really any couples at the moment besides Maggie and Ben, whom I love but they aren't my favorite, so I'm gonna pick a past couple. When I first started Med, Manstead was my prime ship, so I'll choose them. Will had been pining after Natalie for so long so I was glad when they finally got together. For Fire, it's gotta be Kelly and Stella. They were literally made for each other, and they support each other with everything. Also, they are so cute together and all of Firehouse 51 ships them as well! And for PD, while I do love Burzek, Upstead is my favorite ship at the moment. I've seen the connection between Hailey and Jay since season 5. You don't understand how angry I was in season 7 when Hailey was so close to confessing her feelings. So season 8 made me very happy when Jay and Hailey finally got together.

Q: Jay and Lindsey or Jay and Hailey? A: I respect everyone's opinions on this matter, so hopefully you all respect mine. I thought that Erin was almost toxic in a way for Jay. She continuously broke his heart when all he wanted to do was help him. But what really does it for me is that she left Chicago without telling him goodbye. Hailey, on the other hand, has pushed Jay to seek out help when he needed it, like when she recommended he take seeing a therapist seriously to help with his PTSD, and she is always there for him, no matter what. That's why I believe Hailey and Jay are the better pairing.

Q: Which character death got to you the most? A: There have been too many sad deaths in the One Chicago world. But if I had to pick one, I've gotta go with Otis on Chicago Fire. Otis was always one of my favorite characters, even way back when I watched Fire with my dad when it was first coming out. He was witty and funny, and his friendship with Cruz was everything. So, when I watched the episode where he died, I was full on balling. I had to pause the episode for 10 minutes because I couldn't stop.

Q: Who is your favorite character on each show and why? A: I'm gonna do favorite male and female character because I've got too many favorites from each show. On Med, my favorites are Will and Natalie. Will has been my favorite since day one, and I like that he will go out of his way to help patients, even if it means he could get in serious trouble. Natalie, even though she's not in the show, always pushes for the best of care for her patients, and whenever she dealt with kids it was always the sweetest thing. On Fire, I like Kelly and Sylvie. Kelly is so headstrong and driven, and he will do anything to protect the other members of Squad 3. Sylvie is such a hard worker and you can tell she is passionate about her job. I feel so bad that she's had to go through so many partners. On PD I love Jay and Hailey. Jay has not always been my favorite male character. Back when I watched the show for the first time, I adored Adam. However, I love that Jay has such good morals and is always pushing to do the right thing even when Voight disagreed. Now, it took a few episodes for me to warm up to Hailey, but after seeing her be so badass, it was hard not to like her.

Q: Where do you get inspiration for your stories?/How do you get inspiration when there's not a request? A: This question is always hard to answer because I really don't know. Most of the time I'm fulfilling requests sent in by you guys and I just write what comes to the top of my mind. If there are requests that are not requested and I come up with them on my own, chances are I saw the plot somewhere else, like in a book or show or movie, and I just tweaked it a bit to fit the One Chicago universe. Either that happens, or while I'm trying to fall asleep, I make up random scenarios in my head, and if I find one that I really like, I'll make a note of it on my phone so I don't forget it, and then I'll write about it.

Q: Do you think Brett and Casey are endgame? Why or why not? A: I'm gonna go with yes on this one. Now, Brettsey is not one of my top ships in the universe. However, they are cute together, and I've been expecting them to get together for a while. The two of them, even when Gabby was around, had a great relationship and always cared for each other. Plus, Matt jumped out of a firetruck to go help Sylvie when the ambulance flipped. He was willing to risk an injury just to make sure she was okay. And now that they are officially together in Chicago Fire, you can see that they really love and care for each other.

Q: What inspired you to start writing? A: I always seem to get this question whenever I do a q&a, but that's okay because I don't mind talking about it. I first got into stuff like this as a reader. Basically, I went on to Wattpad and Tumblr to read other people's stories. I had no intention of creating my own. And then, one day, I started imagining myself in some of the fandoms I was apart of, and I thought, "If I'm imagining myself in these fandoms, chances are others are too," and I began creating stories that followed the plots of movies and shows exactly, just adding Y/n in it. However, that got tiring after a while because I wasn't able to have much freedom because I was following a set script, and that's when I remembered I had a Tumblr account I never used. So, I revamped my account just a little bit and started posting story ideas I had that I couldn't post on Wattpad because either they didn't fit with the stories or they were for someone I didn't write for on Wattpad. And now, here we are. For anyone interested, I've posted this before but I'll post it again, my Wattpad handle is @Writer_Reader05.

Q: Jay or Will Halstead? A: I'm sorry, but I really can't choose between the two of them. I love them both so much. Will and Jay are two of my favorite characters in the whole One Chicago universe. While they do have some qualities that I'm not the fondest of, at the end of the day, I adore the both of them, and I could never choose between them.

Q: Who would you rather date: Jay or Will Halstead? A: Why do you guys do this to me? I love them both so much! But, if I have to choose, I'm gonna pick Jay. The only reason is because I like the characters in PD more than Med, so if I'm dating Jay, chances are I'm friends with Hailey and Adam and all of Intelligence. Will is just as awesome as Jay though and I feel like sometimes people sleep on that.

Q: Which of the requested fics you’ve written is your favorite? A: I think I'm gonna have to go with a Jay Halstead x reader I wrote titled Two Becomes Three. Something about the plot just makes me smile. And to think of Jay being a father......So yeah, while I have so many amazing requested fics thanks to you all, that one has to be one of my favorites.

Q: What’s your favorite series you’ve written so far? A: I love all of the series I have written. Something about creating a whole story that's more than just one part is always fun. If I have to pick one series, I'm gonna pick On the Loose. It was the first series I wrote on Tumblr and the plot of it is something I'm really proud of. However, From the Big Apple to the Windy City, Identity Loss, and Difference of Opinion are all amazing! The first two are finished series and the last one still has a few chapters left to go. Go check them out if you haven't already.

Q: What's your favorite imagine you've come up with and why? A: I don't have a lot of fics that are solely my ideas. Most of my stories have plots that were sent in by you all. However, if I had to pick a favorite out of my stories, it'd be Back Home for Christmas, a Halstead Sister fic I released when I was somewhat new to the platform. Something about writing sibling fics always makes me happy because I get to express the familial side to the characters.

Q: If you had to be roommates with 5 of your mutuals/fellow writers, who would you pick and why? A: I love all of my fellow writers/mutuals so much! I know how much work we put into whatever we post, and most of us are very active on this site. As for who I would pick to be my roommates, I'd choose @hereforhalstead @fighterkimburgess @halsteadlover @resanoona @sylviebrettsey because I feel like we'd all have great conversations, mainly over One Chicago. And every Wednesday night we'd all watch the episodes live together and experience them as a group and then freak out over what happened..........Now watch me fantasize about this all day.

Q: Do you listen to music when you write? A: It depends. On some days when I plan that I'm gonna write, then yes, I do put on some music. When there are days that I have a few minutes to spare, I don't put on music just because I'm only writing for a few minutes and I don't want to waste time. But mostly when I'm writing I do play music in the background.

Q: Do you know how your fics/stories end before you finish writing it? A: This is a really interesting question. The answer is no, I do not know how I'm gonna end a fic before I finish writing it. The only story I had a set ending for was my series On the Loose, but that one wasn't even fully planned out until I got a chapter or two in. Obviously, if I get a request that includes a set ending, like two characters get together or something like that, then I know what the ending will be. Otherwise, I have no clue.

Q: Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? A: You know, I can't say that I have. Everyone is different in their own way, and that's what makes us all unique. I would imagine if I did meet someone with a similar personality we'd get along because we'd basically be a carbon copy of each other, but who knows. Maybe our similar personalities would cause us to clash.

Q: Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? A: Not really. I know myself more than anyone else so I know what my limits are and when I've reached them. With people, on the other hand, I always feel like they can be doing more with themselves and their lives. So I do not hold myself to higher standards than others.

Thank you to all of you who sent in questions! I never thought I'd reach 750 followers on this platform. The only reason I have is all thanks to you wonderful people out there!

@winterberryfox @maximeevansblog @scarletsoldierrr @i-like-sparkly-things @dreamingmanip @soph0864 @ryliegh8 @lorenakaspersen @wanniiieeee @nevertoofarfromivar @securityfriendly-jay @pinkbay-love @stephie123

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 1/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Welp! I started this back in March. It was supposed to be a oneshot and then I realised it was 200 odd pages. Whoops! Another songfic based on music by Joji. This one is Gimme Love, which some of you would probably know, it was circling TikTok for a while. Anyway, more song fics to come!! I hope y'all enjoy! Stay safe in these crazy times!

TW: Mental health, panic attacks

1993

"OK, so you got your apple juice, your finger sandwiches, and grapes. And most importantly, you got your best outfit on. Ready?"

No. I wasn't ready. They were going to eat me up. I knew just by how the 3 bitches off to the side stared and laughed. One of them was swinging from the bus stop pole. It sounded evil, but I hoped she would have fallen over.

"No." I clung to my Mother.

"Brianna." She uttered. She was tired, already having dealt with this before leaving the house. And it didn't help that Grandpa only laughed instead of helping out.

"No!" I said louder, squeezing my tiny fists into her shoulders.

"Look. Everything will be fine. The day will fly in, trust me. And I'll be right here when you get off the bus later." Mom continued.

She gave me a kiss on the forehead and shook me off.

As she smoothed her skirt down, I stamped my foot in a huff. For me, this was the second most ultimate betrayal that had ever happened to me. My Mom was making me go to school. How dare she.

"I love you, girl. Be good and have a great day." Mom said before walking away. My gaze followed, feeling the faucet in my eyes turn on. I was prone to cry baby behaviour around this age.

Now that my Mom was gone, it was all game for the bitches.

"Awww, the little baby needs her Mommy." One of them cooed in her fake voice. "Didn't you know the pre-school bus picks up two hours later?"

"Yeah!" Another decided to join in, "And I bet that's not even your real Mommy."

"She is too!" I clenched my tiny fists at my side. This was half true. I was an adopted child, but to me, Roberta was the best Mother I could have ever asked for. And no one had the right to question that.

"No, she's not! Your real Mommy didn't want you 'cause you're ugly!"

"Yeah, look at your hair. It looks like a fur ball."

"And your clothes are obviously hand me downs."

I stamped my feet again. "That's it! I'm giving you the finger!" I flipped them off. I picked it up from Mom, from the many time's drivers pissed her off. When she'd warn me never to do that, I knew it had some sort of power to it.

But it did nothing. The girls just laughed even more. I had no defences; therefore, I was left helpless.

The bus pulled up, and I was last to get in. The girls warned almost everybody to watch out for the "girl with the weird hair".

I moved down the middle of the bus, my head moving from side to side, hoping to find a seat.

Everybody with a free seat either put their bags on the chairs or put their feet up. I wanted to snap, demanding that they let me sit. But the fear inside rendered me silent.

I was nearing the back, where the 3 girls sat. They smirked upon seeing my face, relishing in the fact I was on the verge of tears. All I wanted was to turn back, get off the bus and lock myself in my house.

But as if someone above heard my innermost thoughts, that's when I heard it.

"Do you need a seat?"

I looked towards the voice. And I froze. There she was, an absolute angel. She looked like a Disney Princess with her bright blonde hair and blue eyes.

I hesitated for a moment. But the bus began to move. So I sat down next to her.

"Hi," I said.

"Hey." Her eyes were observing me, looking me up and down. And I felt even more stunned. "You have funny hair."

"My Mommy says I have lovely hair," I replied in defence.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. I just never seen hair like that." The girl replied.

My hair wasn't even bad. I just had a massive head of untamed brown curls. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then again, I had never seen anyone with hair like hers. She looked like she had gone to a salon beforehand. "Your hair looks golden."

"Thank you." She smiled. "I'm Blair. My favourite colour is yellow, and I wanna be a singer when I grow up. How about you?"

"I'm Brianna. My favourite colour is pink. And...I wanna be a politician someday."

"What's a pola...polatichon?" Blair asked.

"A politician." I corrected her. "I don't know what they do. They just shout a lot. And that's what I want to do."

Blair had no idea what I was talking about, but she laughed anyway. And that made my heart skip a beat.

I felt something pelt the back of my head. I grabbed it, looking at the small rolled up bit of my paper in my hand. It was wet. I had just been spitballed for the first time.

Blair looked over her shoulder, and I did the same. It was the three bitches from the bus stop. They weren't even hiding their giggles.

"Not nice." Blair stuck her tongue out at them. Then, turning back around in her seat, she put her hand on mine. "Don't worry about them. I'm your friend, Brianna."

"Really?" My eyes brightened.

"Of course!"

As much as that statement had made my heart soar, how it made me feel like there was nothing to be afraid of…

It was the biggest lie I heard that day.

As soon as I got off the bus at the end of the day, I waved to Blair, unaware that she would be sitting with the 3 bitches the next day.

And then it went on for years, being that ugly girl with weird hair. And it didn't help that I needed glasses later in life.

But I wasn't completely alone. So let me tell you about Jujubee.

2020

"Hey, asshole! I'm pulling in there!"

Jujubee was hanging out the driver side window, flicking the indicator aggressively.

"Juju, can you just...not do that?" I asked, my eyes glued to my phone as I checked how many people had seen my Instagram story. It was a picture of the two of us, showing off our outfits that had been gifted from Alexander McQueen.

"And let that asshole steal my spot? Absolutely not." Jujubee protested. She flipped the guy off, only to receive the same gesture back at her. She wasn't prone to behaving like this. I usually found it absolutely hilarious how loud she could be.

Now, you're probably wondering - two well-dressed ladies in their Alexander McQueen outfits should be seated in the back of a limo, sipping champagne.

I wasn't a fan of limos. They only drew attention.

And with Jujubee hurling dog abuse at the other drivers, I was sure the attention would be on us.

But we made it to the event without any trouble.

Jujubee was hilarious, intentionally and unintentionally. I learned that all the way back on my second day of school. When it was clear to me that I wouldn't be friends with anyone else, I ventured off on my own, exploring the playground and looking for bugs. But, instead, I found her sitting alone in the sandbox.

"Leave me alone. I'm trying to dig to the centre of the Earth." She had said, blowing her shiny black hair out of her face.

I knew she would only reach the bottom of the pit, so I laughed, and I helped her dig. We had been inseparable since.

We grew up together, all the way through elementary, high school and college. And through those years, we had one thing in common - we were the weird ones. The kids who everyone bullied.

Ugh, I hated that word; bullied. It made me feel pathetic and helpless. Jujubee and I, however? We were far from pathetic and helpless. After all, how would we even be where we were if that was the case?

OK, maybe I was pathetic and helpless growing up. No, I was. I had just accepted all the name-calling, the shoving, the damage. Jujubee, on the other hand, would fight against it all.

But back to the current situation. We were now sitting at a table with the other project workers. Everyone was having a great time, and the event hadn't even really begun yet. They passed jokes around, talked about trials and tribulations, and I laughed along.

But I may as well have been alone as I was stuck in my own thoughts. How it was even possible, we were all gathered here for this moment.

I looked at Jujubee, sitting next to me, and felt an overwhelming need to hug the shit out of her. If it weren't for her being so encouraging, then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

"What's up?" She caught me staring.

I lowered my head for a moment, breathing a laugh out through my nostrils. I didn't want to get sappy with her, even though she deserved my gratitude. My best friend, my ride-or-die bitch. Lifting my head again, I smirked. "Nothing. I'm just glad you're on this team." I raised my glass to her before sipping the bubbling champagne.

"Proud of you bitch." Jujubee reaching over and squeezed my free hand.

I was proud of me too. Because, despite all of the shit I dealt with in school, here I was, the manager and director of this whole operation.

All of the hard work paid off - years of trials and tribulations, so many arguments and disagreements. We finally did it. We found a gateway to another world, a parallel universe, a portal in the middle of the space just waiting to be explored.

Of course, people doubted me. They said things like, "Well, it is a dream, all right." How could anyone blame them?

But here we were.

The speaker, Michelle, called me up onto the stage to receive a certificate, all encased in a glass frame. I exchanged air kisses with her and graciously took the award. Jujubee cheered me on as I stood up there, letting people take pictures.

And then came the obligatory speech.

I couldn't lie; I hated public speaking. It was always something I struggled with. But, I never backed down from one. I just liked to keep them short and sweet.

"Long story short, I had dreams, and I worked towards them. So, here I am, an example of the walking embodiment of success. And I thank each and every one of you, ladies and gentlemen. Have a great night."

Short and sweet. The crowd applauded.

Yes, I was told in the past that I'm arrogant, but I disagreed. I'd say confident. And there was nothing wrong with confidence. After all, there has been a stigma around that word. Doesn't it come from a sense of insecurity, the need to tear successful people down because you're afraid to strive towards your goals?

I deserved to feel this successful, for all those times I was laughed at and ridiculed. I look down on all those assholes and let them know that I made it.

I posed for pictures as I held my award, knowing they would be everywhere the next day; in the papers, magazines, the Internet.

This wasn't the first award I had received. I had a shelf full back home, along with all of my past badges. They reminded me that, once upon a time, I was just any other office worker with her yellow badge. And now here I was, the director of the project with my black badge working closely with the government.

I got off the stage and moved back to my chair. Jujubee rolled her eyes, but her smile remained.

"Where's the after-party?" I asked as the audience shifted their attention from me.

Sometimes I never understood how she put up with me. "Don't worry. I got us covered."

She wasn't lying. A few hours later, we were in the apartment of some other rich somebody. Music was bouncing off the walls, the speakers apparently on full blast.

The main lights were out, replaced with multicoloured LEDs dancing around the place. It was as if we were in our own private club.

Jujubee and I were in the crowd dancing, but because I was absolutely wasted, I lost her many times.

No need to panic, however. Jujubee wasn't a drinker. So she'd find me. She always did.

I really did feel sorry that she had to deal with all of my shenanigans.

"Juju, where the fuck are you??" I roared, not that it would do much. Midsummer Madness by 88RISING was blaring now. Starting to stress out now.

I grabbed a champagne flute as a waiter walked by.

"Brianna, I love the dress." A woman leaned over and shouted in my ear. I had met her before at another event, a fashion reporter if I remembered correctly.

"Thanks. It's Versaci."

As I said earlier, it was fucking Alexander McQueen. I was faded.

Somehow I ended up in the bathroom, throwing up all the alcohol I had consumed into the toilet. After I finished, I washed my mouth out, looked at my reflection and said, "Baby, you're a star."

And somehow, I made it back downstairs. I was searching for Jujubee but found someone else instead. And it was fucking Ed Sheeran.

"I love your new song." I lied.

"Which one?"

"The new one." I smiled. "Hey, Ed. You wanna be the first person to go through the portal?" I wrapped an arm around him.

He looked absolutely taken aback. "Of fucking course. My manager will be in touch."

I really hoped he was joking. Why the fuck had I even suggested it?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jujubee. My nerves settled, and I leaned closer to her. "Let's go outside."

I had no recollection of making it out to the balcony. The only thing I remembered happening before then was rambling to many strangers about how much I adored Jujubee.

A few other party attendees were outside too. I wanted to tell them how I didn't deserve Jujubee and that she was an angel. But she quickly steered me away.

I looked out over the city, a happy smile on my face.

"Are you having fun, baby girl?" Jujubee asked, using her favourite pet name for me. She sparked up a cigarette. I wanted to ask her for one, having gone from chain smoker to social smoker in recent years. But I was too distracted by the view.

"Yeah. I can feel it, Juju." I replied, looking at my hands. It was almost like I could actually feel it. The euphoric feeling of success running in my veins. "Good things are coming."

"Oh, I feel it too." Jujubee blew out the smoke and followed my gaze. "You know what? Your Grandpa was a great guy. And I know that he's proud of you."

My smile dropped. And I was silent.

I preferred to avoid speaking about things like this. Emotions weren't something I liked to deal with - another difference between Jujubee and me.

Just the year prior, we both went to see Midsommar. During the scene where the main character is having a breakdown on the ground surrounded by the Hargan woman screaming along with her, Jujubee was captivated. She looked almost like she wanted to scream along with them. And as she squeezed my hand and leaned over to me, she said, "I need someone to do that with me." I replied with a quiet, "Can't relate."

I'm not insensitive. I just feared emotions for two reasons.

1. They could be weaponised against me. And as much as I tried not to let the online hate get to me, I knew that if it ever became personal, then it would hit difficult.

2. The most important reason of all; a childhood full of breakdowns and too many emotions.

Jujubee nudged me. "You wanna go?"

I didn't want to. But I said, "Yeah. I'm...so drunk right now," and turned away from the city view.

"Can I be that annoying whore and ask if I can stay at your place?" Jujubee asked, taking my hand.

She didn't even need a reason. "Yes, you can."

We waded our way through the crowd, made for the door and left. And before I knew it, we were back at my place, lying in my bed. I loaned her a t-shirt to sleep in. I wanted to sleep in my Alexander McQueen. But Jujubee wouldn't let me.

We both lay there, facing the ceiling. I could already feel the oncoming suffering. Usually, I loved moments like these, when time became fluid, when I didn't have to worry about how I had even gotten home.

But my head was pounding, and the loud ringing in my ears was the cause. If I was bad now, I'd be dead by morning.

I could feel Jujubee's eyes on me, and I looked back at her. She was smiling, her brown eyes glimmering. "Almost there, girl."

Despite the pain I was in, I smiled back. I knew this whole thing, the thingy, the portal; it wasn't just my dream. It was hers too.

Fuck, I was hammered.

"Almost there," was all I could manage to say.

Jujubee turned on her side and treated me to some cuddly spooning. "OK, go to sleep, loser."

It was straining on my neck, but I kept my head turned, letting my eyes linger for a moment longer. God, I fucking loved that bitch. Nothing was ever going to come between us, and that made me the happiest.

I turned over, my back relaxing against her torso. Then, before giving in to my exhaustion, I checked my phone. The bright light made me squint at first. And the alcohol in my system didn't help matters.

I checked how many people had seen my story now. The number was blurry. So I aimlessly swiped notifications away.

But I stopped at one message in particular.

Blair: Hey Brianna! Long time no speak. I just wanted to say I saw pictures from your thing tonight. Congrats, girl! Look, I know you're probably super busy, but I'd love to have a catch up with you sometime.

"..." My eyes were wide. Now that was a name I hadn't heard in a long time.

1995

"Do you see Cassiopeia yet?" Juju whined.

I was trying my hardest to find it in the telescope. But the stars were all in clutters; there were so many. "No. I think I see the big dipper, though."

"Really? Let me have a turn!" Juju begged.

I pulled away from the telescope, allowing Juju her turn. Usually, I would have refused, only letting her use the scope after finding what I was looking for.

I really hadn't found the big dipper, but Juju bought it. "Wooooow. That's so cool."

"I know, right?" I smirked.

The backdoor opened, and Grandpa came out in his winter jacket, pj's and his signature slippers. "How many have you girls found now?"

He was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream. I cheered excitedly because Grandpa's hot chocolate was the best, and I'd fight anyone who tried to tell me otherwise.

"We found the big dipper. But that's it." Juju replied, sounding very much let down.

"Don't lose hope," Grandpa gave us our hot chocolate, "some are harder to find than others. I bet there are a lot more constellations out there that haven't even been discovered yet."

I sipped the hot drink, and I could feel it already warming me up. I was so tempted to take my gloves off and let the mug warm them up. But we promised my Mom we would stay wrapped up. "Do you think we could discover one?"

Grandpa took a seat on one of the old deck chairs. "Brianna, you can do anything you set your mind to. Anything is possible."

"One day, I wanna get into a rocket ship and fly away," I said, looking up at the night sky, imagining the scene in my head.

"Hey, Mr Caldwell, are there other people like us? Just looking up at the sky?" Juju asked, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

"That's an interesting question. I'd say yes, what with how nice the sky is tonight," Grandpa let his gaze trail up, the stars reflecting in his eyes, "But did you know, somewhere far, far away, there are two little girls who are exactly like you. They look the same, they talk the same and even have your names. And they are doing exactly what you're doing right now."

My brows knit in confusion, "what do you mean 'far far away?"

Grandpa looked down again, seeing how intrigued Juju and I was. "Let's just call it the other world. It's basically like our world, but...certain things are different. Like," he paused to think, "maybe cats bark and dogs meow. Or, maybe the sky is pink and not blue. Maybe you girls are actually older, and I'm the young one."

"Do horseys fly in the other world?" Juju asked with much optimism.

"Probably. I don't see why not." Grandpa shrugged.

I glanced up at the sky as if I would somehow just see it. Another world where life was somewhat better.

"Would my Mommy and Daddy have given me up in the other world?" I asked quietly.

Grandpa was silent. His lips were pursed, forming a tight line like there were words on the tip of his tongue that he knew he shouldn't say.

Juju hugged me from the side. I wanted to hug her back but didn't want to cry.

Her hold made me feel safe, so I offered her a half-smile.

Since my first day at school, when those cretins had tried to tell me Roberta wasn't my real Mom, it stuck with me. Yeah, I knew deep down those girls didn't know shit, and Roberta was the best Mother in the world, but I was only human.

As much as I loved my Mom, Grandpa and other family members, I just wanted to feel acceptance from my biological parents.

"Brianna, honey, whoever your family is in the other world, I'm sure they love you from the bottom of their hearts. Just like we do." Grandpa said. He extended his arms out, offering me a hug.

I didn't want it. But I knew I needed it.

That night, we didn't find any constellations. Not that it mattered. After my Grandpa went back inside, Juju and I were set on finding the other world instead.

And this interest went on for nearly a whole year.

It sounded dumb, but we would play games where we were our 'other world selves'. Juju lived in a house full of cats, and they were 'cutest cats in the whole country. So cute they won every pageant!'

And I lived in a huge mansion with my Mom, Grandpa, and my biological parents.

We collectively agreed that our other world selves were the prettiest girls in school, and we had tons of friends. We were so cool, we didn't even have to go to school.

Of course, this started a minor argument between us. Juju would always say, "how can we be the prettiest girls at school if we don't have to go to school??"

"Shut up, Juju! Anything is possible in the other world!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't make sense!"

All of it was so ridiculous. But we loved every minute of it.

I'll never forget the time we built a fort in the woods at the back of my house, and Juju stood under the archway and shouted. "I'm the queen of 'Other World'. Beware ye bastards who enter our domain!"

Then she got upset because she said a bad word and thought she had betrayed her parents.

A few minutes later, I fucked up.

"I, Brianna Caldwell, am the Queen of 'Other World'. I sit on this throne along with my best friend, Blair St Clair!"

Juju was even more upset now.

"Why is she your best friend?? I'm your best friend!" She began to cry.

"Jujubee, it's only pretend." I tried to reason with her.

"No, Brie-Brie. You're always talking about Blair! I know you would rather be best friends with her than me!"

"That's not true!"

"It is!" She wept. "She'll never be your friend, Brie-Brie. She doesn't even like you."

"Take that back!"

"No!"

My anger was bubbling beyond the boiling point. So I shoved her over. "Go away. Now!"

Juju ran off crying.

My teeth were grit, my fists clenched. For about 5 minutes, I stormed around the fort, screaming in anger and kicking the ground.

Mom was freaked out. She knew it was me screaming, so she came running. When she found me, she shouted at me for scaring the absolute fuck out of her.

This only pissed me off more. It took her 5 minutes to get me to chill out.

When I finally explained what happened, she told me it was OK and that we'd be friends again the next day.

It didn't help my mood, so she took me to the mall. It was a rare occasion for us to visit the place. We weren't the richest, what with Mom struggling to keep a job. She wasn't a lousy worker; someone else would just come along who was much more experienced. And without another parental figure to help out, it just meant not much money was being brought into the house.

But Mom decided we'd go to the toy store, and I'd find two dolls, one for me and one for Juju. I made sure they looked exactly like us. Well, considering the nice clothes and great hair, they were our other-selves.

And leaving the building, I was perched on Mom's shoulders, eating the biggest ice cream cone I had ever gotten, when I looked over at the jewellery shop. Two women were leaving the store, holding hands. They leaned in close to each other and kissed.

I just...stared as they smiled at each other, mesmerised by the adoration they so clearly shared.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Brianna, baby?"

"Why are those two ladies kissing?"

Mom cast a quick glance to where I was looking. "Oh. OK, first of all, don't stare. It's rude. But yeah, they're just two ladies in love with each other. That's all."

I looked away, just as she told me to do. "They're in love? I thought only boys and girls could be in love."

"I guess they're still telling you that in school, huh?" Mom quipped. "Well, I'll tell you this, but keep it on the down-low 'cause I don't want no parents coming and knocking on my door saying you're putting ideas into their kids' heads." She laughed. "The truth is; boys can fall in love with boys, and girls can fall in love with girls. You fall in love with whoever your heart tells you to, Brianna."

I nodded. "Uh, huh. OK, I understand." But then, it hit me. "Fuck."

"Brianna." Mom warned. She knew I was prone to sometimes spurting a few cuss words. But she only had herself to blame.

"Sorry, Mommy." And as we left the mall, my brain couldn't stop thinking about what had popped into my head.

Maybe, just maybe, I was in love with Blair.

My mind was taking me back to years prior, still in my first year of elementary school. It was coming up to Valentine's Day, and we all had to make a card for someone in the class. Bit of a weird activity for a bunch of kids who were more concerned if they were getting bikes for Christmas or not.

And I slaved over my card, making it yellow instead of the traditional pink colour, and drawing daisies all over it.

The message read, "You really deserve this. You're welcome." I've always been a poetic genius.

And instead of giving it to any of the boys, I insisted it went to Blair.

I had vague memories of that day. I only remembered her confused face as I handed it over.

I never received a card in return.

Of course, the other kids picked on me for it. But Juju had my back.

"You're all just jealous 'cause Brie-Brie's card is unique!" I remember her shouting.

But of course, they weren't jealous. This concept was foreign to them - a girl gifting another girl with a Valentine's Day gift. But then again, they just didn't know any better.

[gone4neow]

MIGHTY | ⓅⒸⓎ

c h a p t e r t e n

- park chanyeol x oc

- mulan rewrite [very loosely inspired by the disney version]

- warnings : cursing, dark themes, extreme violence

- work count : 2,970

previous chapter or next chapter

——————————————————————————

Eunyeong sat outside of the general's tent with Baekhyun next to her side. The moon was officially high in the sky, accompanied by all of its twinkling friends. The general and his second hand in command had decided to keep the mole hidden in the forest until night arrived. Then, the escorted him back to the general's tent to question him.

"What's taking so long?" Baekhyun whined with a pout apparent on his face. Eunyeong only glanced at him in response. She was feeling antsy herself after the day's events. It had been half an hour and there was no sign of any activity in the tent.

"Does your head feel okay?" The woman asked after a few seconds of silence passed.

Baekhyun gave a small sigh as he lifted his hand up to his head. "It doesn't hurt as much as it did earlier."

"Good," the woman hummed. "I'll make sure it never happens again."

Just as she finished speaking, the tent entrance flew open. The general stepped out in a rush, only pausing his movements when he saw the pair of soldiers sitting outside of his tent. His eyes narrowed in annoyance when he meet Eunyeong's eyes.

"He won't speak to us," the man explained.

"Of course not," the woman huffed in exhaustion as she picked at the grass beneath her. "The other two we brought back with us didn't say anything, either. These people are impressively silent."

The general stood with his hands resting on his hips. He looked off into the distance for a few moments, his eyebrows furrowed with concentration. Baekhyun complained about wanting to sleep as they sat there unsure of what to do next.

"Maybe you should just go sleep. I doubt anything exciting will happen tonight," the woman told the man. "Besides, you should get rest after what happened to you today anyways."

Baekhyun didn't smack the woman's hand away as she reach up and pushed his hair away from the scratch on his forehead. A deep frown rest on her face as she stared at the small injury.

"Goodnight," the general suddenly snapped. Both of the soldiers turned to look at the man who was staring down at them with a scowl.

"Uh," Baekhyun gave a nervous laugh. "Goodnight?"

"Go," the general instructed the man. Eunyeong watched as the tall man lifted his hand and pointed in the direction of the soldiers' tents. Baekhyun scrambled to his feet and bowed respectfully before he trotted off to sleep for the night. Eunyeong went to follow after him, but was stopped by a large hand wrapping around her forearm. She stopped and looked up, meeting the general's dark eyes as she did so.

"Not you," he told her. The woman's face contoured into an expression of confusion. The man dropped his hold on her arm before he ducked back into the tent. Eunyeong hesitated before she entered behind him.

Inside sat Kyungsoo and the mole. Kyungsoo was staring at the man with a glare so hateful that Eunyeong felt afraid to even breath in the same air as him. How the mole hadn't spoken up about anything yet was a mystery to her. One look from the intimidating man would have her spilling her entire catalog of secrets within seconds.

The mole turned to look when the general and soldier entered the tent. His eyes lit up at the sight of Eunyeong, before they quickly narrowed with anger. This didn't go undetected by Chanyeol.

"What's the interest with my soldier?" He asked bluntly. Eunyeong blinked in surprise. Kyungsoo looked over at her, his eyes scanning her as if trying to see what the mole saw.

"There's a rumor circling through our group about a tiny soldier who stole away our men," the man began. "And now we have reason to believe the same man took the general from us when we finally got our hands on him."

"Ah, you've made quite the name for yourself - haven't you?" Chanyeol asked Eunyeong as he poured himself a glass of wine. She stood rigidly next to the entrance of the tent with her hands laced together. Her thumbs chased once another nervously.

"I guess my first message made it back to everyone," Eunyeong awkwardly said with a small laugh. The general looked up at the woman with disbelief.

"Of course it did, you son of a bitch," the mole hissed. "Now those men will never be able to return to their families after what you did to them."

"And what about your men?" Eunyeong immediately bit back, her hands separating and curling into fists as she spoke. "Look at our men! Look at the graves we've had to dig because of you bastards!"

"Hey," the general called out softly to the woman. She found his eyes soon after and felt her tense muscles gradually relax. The man motioned for her to join him on the floor of the tent and so she did. When she was seated, he passed his glass of wine to her. Quickly, she emptied the entirety of the glass down her throat.

"Where is your group located?" Kyungsoo asked the mole. The man looked over at him with an expression of distaste.

"I told you I wasn't going to say anything," he answered with a bitterness to his voice.

"What if we reward you?" Kyungsoo suggested.

"No," the man said instantly. "I won't betray my people."

"Do you think your people really care about you?" Chanyeol asked the man.

"Of course they do. When they find out my identity has been given up then they'll come back to finish you all off," the man remarked with pride. The general snickered at this.

"You're delusional," he told the man. "You have no value to them now. You're as good to them as a broken blade."

"Shut up!" The man exclaimed angrily.

"In fact, they'll probably want to kill you more than any of us after you've failed your job," Chanyeol continued.

"I said shut up!"

"We can help you," Kyungsoo interjected. "If you give us the information we need then we can protect you from dying. We can help you get back to your family. Wouldn't that be nice?"

The man was silent now. His nostrils still flared with anger, but it was obvious that the men' s words was getting to him.

"You know," Eunyeong started. "We don't judge you for doing what you've done - you have to do what you have to do to survive."

The man looked over at the soldier right away. Eunyeong felt her heart quicken at the gaze in his eyes. A grin slowly formed on his face.

"When my people come for me, I'll show them to you directly. And while they rip you apart limb from limb, I'll watch and I'll laugh. And when I make it back home I'll tell everyone about how I helped burn a tiny little bastard who couldn't stay out of everyone's business," the man told the woman.

Eunyeong felt her stomach twist. For a moment she felt as if she were going to throw up from the visuals that ran through her mind, but she had to remind herself that the man was trying to get under her skin. Obviously he recognized her as the weakest in the room, which made her an easy target. If she wanted to win this she couldn't allow him to get under her skin so easily.

"Go ahead and fantasize about my death, but just remember that it's me with the blood of your men on my hands already. I'm not afraid of getting my hands a little more dirty if it means defeating corruption," the woman replied gravely. 

The man began to shake with rage at her words. Then, he began to throw his body wildly while shouting loudly. Within just a few seconds, Kyungsoo sat on top of the man and delivered two fatal blows that sent the man into unconsciousness. Finally, he was completely silent.

"Take him to the others," Chanyeol commanded the man. Kyungsoo obeyed without complaint. Eunyeong watched as he stood up and began dragging the man out of the tent.

"You have a way with words," the general noted quietly as he poured himself some more wine.

"I got a bit carried away," Eunyeong admitted, suddenly embarrassed for speaking the way she had. Her cheeks began to feel warm and she wasn't sure if it was due to her embarrassment or the wine she had consumed minutes ago.

"I was impressed," the general confessed. When the woman looked up at him, she saw a small smirk on his face. This prompted a smile to stretch across her face.

"Is there a reason you wanted me to stay behind tonight?" The woman wondered aloud after a few seconds passed.

The general glanced over at the woman, the smirk on his face long gone. His eyes scanned her face as if trying to understand her curiosity. "I figured the chances that he would speak would be better if you were here. Those who have emotionally wounded us are always the ones to get under our skin the easiest."

"Ah," the woman hummed. "That's clever. I'll have to remember that."

"Do you plan to be in this situation often?"

"You never know what tomorrow will bring."

That was the truth. When the next day arrived, the general announced that it was time to get a move on again. While the other soldiers packed up the camp and prepared to depart, Kyungsoo and Eunyeong snuck away into the forest with their newest prisoner. They planned to question the man, but knew it would be difficult to get any answers out of him.

"Are you guys serious?" The man scoffed as Kyungsoo pushed him to the ground. The sound of his knees hitting the fallen leaves on the ground emitted a crunching sound. Eunyeong realized only in that moment that summer was beginning to fade away.

"You think a guy with an expression like that on his face is ever anything but serious?" Eunyeong asked the man as she pointed over at Kyungsoo. She received a glare from both of the men in return.

"I'm not telling you bastards anything," the man spat angrily. Eunyeong and Kyungsoo shared a look of annoyance.

"We'll see," Kyungsoo told the man in a voice so calm that it was almost unsettling. His words made a sinister grin break out across the man's face.

"What are you going to do, kill me?" The man taunted. "Then you really won't get any information."

"Don't think of yourself so highly. We're going to end this war with or without your information. It's up to you whether you want to die now rather than later," Kyungsoo responded to the man.

Eunyeong watched the man closely as he contemplated his options. It was interesting to see someone so deranged from reality try to cope with a stressful situation. There was no doubt that he was struggling to keep up his act. When his eyes found hers watching him closely, his fake smile began to fall. The way his eyes instantly grew darker was a dead giveaway of his feelings towards the woman.

"Who's going to kill me?" He asked. "Do you think shorty's got it in him? Because I don't."

"Is that so?" Eunyeong asked in amusement.

"Yeah, that pretty little general would be a better option. Where is he anyways? Does he always let others do his dirty work for him?"

Eunyeong eyed the arrow that was still stuck through the man's hand and stopped herself from releasing a laugh. "Isn't your hand evidence enough that he's more than capable of doing it himself?"

"You always have something to say," the man snapped. "I can't wait till I'm free again. I'll make sure to strangle you myself. I've daydreamed about watching the life slip out of your eyes for the last two days!"

"Enough," Kyungsoo grunted as he kicked the man backwards. The man released a sharp breath of air as his back collided with the ground. Eunyeong watched as her senior stepped over the man and pressed his foot to the mole's throat.

"If you don't give us information in the next minute, I'll make sure you won't live to share another word with anyone," Kyungsoo threatened the man. Eunyeong felt goosebumps form on her skin.

In response, the man began to laugh - though the sound was more comparable to a wheeze than anything else. The woman thought he was completely insane as she watched his chest shake.

"You want information?" The man breathed out. "I'll only speak to the short one from now on."

"What?" Eunyeong asked in surprise as she met Kyungsoo's eyes. He removed his foot from the man's throat and walked over to the woman.

"Let's try it. You talk to him and see if he speaks. If he doesn't, try to scare him," the man told her in a low voice as he turned to watch the man on the ground breath harshly. The woman hesitantly nodded her head in agreement.

She walked over and looked down at the man. He stared up at her with wild eyes. If she looked close enough, she thought maybe she could see fear swimming in them. It was this small observation that made her frown. It was true, this man was this enemy, but she had never paid much mind to the fact that he was still very much human.

"I don't want to hurt you," she confessed to the man in a gentle voice as she crouched down next to him. "If you work with us then it'll be easier for you. If you're afraid of the other guys, I can promise my protection to you."

The man rolled eyes eyes at her words. "I don't want to be on your side. I'm fighting for my cause."

"Right... and that's clearly working out for you," she remarked.

"When we get rid of you then things will work out," the man said. The woman blinked with surprise at the way it sounded as if the man were convinced his words were true. He truly believed that she was the sole reason for the enemies' loss so far?

"You think too highly of me," she told the man. "I was simply in the wrong place at the right time."

"You'll be in the right place soon enough. Hell was made for bastards of your kind," the man hissed. It was Eunyeong's turn to roll her eyes.

"You make it hard to be polite," she commented with a sigh.

"Then don't be," the man commanded. "Show your true colors, you demon. I've already heard the stories. I know what you're like."

Eunyeong glanced up at Kyungsoo, who was watching the pair with intense eyes. Slowly she lifted her hand and let it hover over her dagger. Her eyes were silently asking Kyungsoo for permission to take it up a notch. When he realized, he gave her an affirmative nod.

"You really want to take it there?" The woman asked in that dark voice of hers. The shift in tone instantly got the man's attention.

"I'm beginning to think you don't have it in you. You a bluff. A fraud," the man pressed on. Eunyeong wrapped her hand around the handle of her dagger before swiftly removing it from its place. She brought it to the man's throat in such speed that it caught the man off guard. His eyes grew wide and he began to squirm.

"You heard Kyungsoo earlier," she cooed darkly. "If you don't want to bleed out on this forest floor on this beautiful morning, then I suggest you start speaking."

The three returned back to camp a few minutes later. The general caught them before they could officially step out of the forest. He scanned them for any signs of progress and found nothing out of the ordinary until his eyes landed on the prisoner's throat. There was a straight, bloody line that wasn't deep enough to threaten the man's life yet it was enough to alarm any onlookers.

"We got some information," Kyungsoo announced. The general nodded at the news before he turned his torso slightly and gave a sharp whistle. Right away, two soldiers came jogging up to the small crowd. Eunyeong listened as the general instructed the men to take the mole and dispose of him.

While the man spoke, she looked off towards camp at all the busy soldiers. She spotted Bakehyun talking to some of his friends. When he caught sight of her, a wide grin broke out on his face and he waved enthusiastically. Eunyeong stopped listening to the general and smiled while she gave a small, subtle wave in her friend's direction.

The sound of someone clearing their throat garnered the woman's attention. She looked over at the general, who was looking over his shoulder at Baekhyun. When he turned back to look at her, he had a disapproving look on his face.

"Sorry, sir," she quickly apologized while bowing over.

"If you're so eager to join him then perhaps you should excuse yourself," the man told her with a slight bitterness in his voice.

"No," she rushed out. "I would much rather go over the new information than to help pack up."

Kyungsoo couldn't help but snicker at the soldier's honesty. She felt her face flush at the way the general scowled at both her and his second hand in command.

"Your honesty is admirable," Kyungsoo commented, ignoring the way Chanyeol looked at him as he spoke. The woman smiled at his words. It was rare for Kyungsoo to be in such a light mood.

"Right," Chanyeol sighed with a roll of his eyes. "Let's go."

——————————————————————————

a / n : sorry again for the late post. not a whole lot of chanyeol in this chapter, but i really wanted to kind of explore the relation between kyungsoo and eunyeong. i think their personalities will really help both of them grow, even more so than any of the other relationships in this story. it’s important to have platonic relationships like that in life guys! anyways, hope everyone enjoys the new chapter. xx