#maybe i'll make them a bit smaller next time lol

[monsob-6667]

love this fella. the haubaus

[marshallpupfan]

Marshall Merchandise Update! (4-30-24)

You know, I often try to find new ways to open these posts, instead of the usual "it's been a while" and whatnot. I tend to fall back on that anyway, since I'm never sure how to change it up otherwise. So... uh... hey, it's been a while since I've posted one of these, huh?

Guess I'll change it up a little by taking the picture on my desk. You'll get to see most of the little figurines I have around my monitor. Might just give you a peek at other favorite animated characters of mine. :)

First off, this Valentines Day-themed plush! I kept hoping for it to show up at my Walmart, but it never did, strangely enough. I was only able to find it on Amazon. I wonder why?

This plush is actually very similar to five I already own, except Marshall's holding something different, of course. Unlike the other Valentines plush dolls, in which one has him holding a Valentines letter while the other's two hearts linked together, this one has him holding onto a heart with a paw print on it. Pawsome!

I'll admit, I keep hoping they'll branch out and make some based on other holidays and whatnot. How about Marshall or Chase holding a four-leaf clover for St. Patrick's Day? A harvest cornucopia for Thanksgiving? Something for New Year's? Fourth of July? The ideas are there, I dare say. Maybe someday, who knows.

Next up is another plush, which is quite similar to the above, only it's half the size and Easter-themed! Unless I'm mistaken, this is the first time they've made smaller versions of this particular plush style, although the idea itself isn't new to PAW Patrol merchandise. Also like the above plush, I wasn't able to find it in stores, either. It, too was purchased off of Amazon. They also made one of Chase and Skye, and because they wouldn't sell them separately...

... I now own all three. Ah well, that's not so bad. Only one will find a spot on my shelves though... er, eventually. I've been lazy and haven't found a place for the last six items I purchased. Someday, I swear! 😅

Last, but not least, this Marshall squirt gun from "SAMBRO"! This, I believe, is a brand new item that released just this year... and, unless I'm mistaken, it's currently only available in the UK! Yup, it's another imported item! A good friend seen this at one of her stores and knew I'd want it, and since my birthday's coming up soon, she sent it to me as a gift! I've already thanked her, but she'll likely see this post, so I'll say it again. Thank you so much! 😃

That's all for now! From what I've heard, Rescue Wheels merchandise will finally release in the United States around June, so of course, you know I'll have my eyes peeled for those! Then again, I might have to wait a bit, since I've been collecting other things lately (non-PAW Patrol stuff), and that's been taking a chunk of my money. I think I collect a little too much sometimes... but given it's stuff I enjoy a lot, it's all been worth it so far. lol

[magicbeansprout]

I've been busy with schoolwork, so hadn't found the time to post these, but I found my stylus earlier this month! Only took me 6 months to find it 🙂. Here's some Ribbon and Diamond related stuff I drew a bit earlier in the month after finding it.

I ramble a lot here, so details on these characters are under the cut if you wanna hear me infodump about my characters and comic stuff.

First up are the fairies Bow and Tie, who help Ribbon and Diamond respectively. I'm really proud of the names, as goofy as they are. They match one another and each corelate to the respective magical girls they assist, as ribbons can be tied into bows, and neckties are diamond-shaped. Their colors and design specifics aren't set in stone, but they'll be made of fairly simple shapes so they can be drawn easily. Maybe I'll make them fully different colors from Ribbon and Diamond, with Tie being a yellow-green and Bow being lavender or another purple. Not sure though because I really like Bow with that shade of pink hair.

Next up, still on the topic of fairies, is this character whose outfit might seem familiar. (to those that have seen the singular drawing from 2? years ago of a character wearing this, this one's for you) I like how the character's personal colors look, but the colors on the outfit were kinda chosen randomly so I'll definitely be playing around with those some more. I've been wanting to rework the story of the witches, and the King is the one who's needed the most work. This is a possible concept I'm going to play around with. I don't think the proportions of the fullbody drawing will be the King's actual appearance as a fairy, looks kinda splatoon-esque lol, but since this outfit was intended for a human-sized character, I need to draw an awkward middle stage as I work to simplify the outfit for a smaller character, like a reversed Pokémon. I also think i'll be changing King's pronouns from she/her to he/him (or another combo with he/him). King still considers himself a gal gender identity-wise, but that's what he goes by and others call him. I know in Chinese and Japanese there are some masculine, pretentious? (not exactly pretentious but, like "I'm really cool/great"), personal pronouns or ways of referring to oneself. I'd think if you translated his dialogue into one of those languages or any languages that have something similar, he'd be using those in his speech. I only sorta know two languages besides English, but I definitely want to improve on them, since there are a lot of language specific jokes or gags you can play with in writing. (Plus, obviously just using the languages to talk to people lol) As you can see near the bottom, the King can also take on a human form, albeit with some slightly pointed ears. He's a lot stronger than fairies like Bow and Tie, and can maintain a human form for a very long time should he desire. I'm considering making there be different types/kinds of fairies who have different capabilities, i'll be playing around with those concepts some later. There's definitely a lot more to work with for the King. He doesn't have a proper name yet, yes even after 5 years, this is a normal pace for writing characters actually. Feel free to leave me any name suggestions for him. For reference, the other witches are:

Jo (Josephine) - the Joker. Her suit is clover (clubs, whatever) ♣️

- Her name starts with similar sounds to her witch alias, simple as.

Paige - the Jack. Her suit is hearts, which she shares with her sister. 🖤🤍 <- her hearts are drawn as half and half, kinda like a broken heart. She's the youngest of the witches and is still going through her emo phase.

- her name comes from an alternate name for the Jack in (i believe) some tarot decks, the Page.

Valentine - the Queen. Her suit is hearts, which she shares with her sister. ❤️

- Valentine, hearts, you get it.

[auspicious-voice]

A Post about the Future of AUSPICIOUS VOICE

Hi, I thought of making this post as I've been going to making changes to what I'd like to do with this project in the future.

If you're interested, read more under the cut. Nothing too bad and all, I promise. It'll be split into sections, and this might be the last time I'll address this for now.

Change in Vocalsynth-related Activities

As I've had a more sporadic schedule with uploading UTAU media, I've been developing more non-vsynth related interests that I find to be more enjoyable than just using plain old UTAU. It's been helping me branch out of UTAU quite a bit, really.

Covers

I've already stated in a previous post that I wouldn't be uploading covers every week and that I would upload whenever I can (on a sporadic basis), but now I've decided that starting next year (2024), I would like to make the effort to upload something once in a while - if I have the energy for it. At best I could be uploading something once a month, but I don't know. Making covers takes a lot of energy out of me nowadays and it is isn't really fun just working on them non-stop. The me from 5 years ago would've had more time and energy to pump out more covers, but I just can't really afford having that taking up so much of my time now.

Much like my recent uploads, if I were to upload a new cover next year, it will most likely be complete with art and a PV to go along with it. I've been practicing simple mograph using Alight Motion and After Effects in my free time, so maybe that'll be an advantage :)

Anniversary Uploads

The tradition of making video uploads celebrating my UTAUs' anniversaries will still be up and about, and I have plans for Maria and Mario's 9th and 10th anniversaries, especially the latter. The only anniversary I missed was in 2018, when it was 3 years since Maria and Mario were released to the public.

They might just be simple PVs at this point, but what I'd like to do is try to update Maria and Mario's fullbody artwork for their 9th anniversary, and maybe special designs for anniversary purposes. I've been meaning to make a retrospective post, but that'll come before their 10th anniversary.

And after their 10th anniversary, I will still upload anniversary covers because at that point that might the only UTAU-related thing I'll ever upload LOL.

Community Activity

When I was really active in the UTAU community, much of my community interaction was through Twitter. I don't use Twitter anymore for the sake of my wellbeing, and with that my interactions with the community significantly decreased over time. I only talk to a select number of people in the community at this point, mostly on Discord. Any inquiries about this project are to be sent to my e-mail, preferably over DMs.

Of course when it comes to YouTube and BiliBili uploads, I try to heart and reply to peoples' comments - while I am not able to reply to all comments, I appreciate them nonetheless. So my community activity is pretty much minimal at this point, and you'll probably just catch me working on animatics, OC projects, and other kinds of things that I enjoy doing apart from UTAU - if you're into that kind of thing that is.

UTAU as a Hobby

This one's a doozy, I guess.

Truth be told, I'm falling out of UTAU for the past couple of months. It's not that I find it boring - from making voicebanks to covers - it's just that I don't have the time and energy to use it anymore. In fact, it's more like a waste of my time when I could be working on other passion projects. When I first started out in 2014, I couldn't imagine myself falling out of the hobby anytime soon, but that's becoming even more of a reality.

Well, UTAU will end up being a smaller hobby of mine because my love for vocalsynths still goes strong - in terms of songs that is. I find myself finding new producers whose works I actually enjoy listening to instead of just hopping on cover and voicebank usage bandwagons because that's the Hot New Thing going around. I'll probably be that one person who just compiles a playlist of vocalsynth songs I like and then listen to them like there's no tomorrow. Maybe some cover inspiration will come out of that, or something.

As for new hobbies and interests that I've picked up... Keyboards is one small hobby that I'm interested in! I have my own custom keyboard that I modded but I'll have to lube the switches in the future. And new interests are mostly mecha/robot related, but to be fair the first media I ever consumed had to do SOMETHING with mecha, so it did...come full circle.

So with that being said, with old hobbies of mine becoming either irrelevant or something I'd like to indulge in (but not as much), the new interests and hobbies that I've picked up are something I'm more invested in. 2023 has been a pretty weird year in a good way, I guess.

Project Plans

No, I won't be shelving this project next year. It will still be alive and well, it's just that the activity on this project will be smaller than ever.

Voicebank Development and Status

I won't be quitting voicebank development just yet; Maria and Mario's DiffSinger voicebanks are currently in development for God knows how long, but I've been working on them at my own pace and my free time. I think it is safe to say that once I release these voicebanks, I'll be done with voicebank development once and for all, only working on small maintenance updates if I have to. Much like making covers, making voicebanks takes a lot of time and energy to devote to.

I want to make Maria and Mario's DiffSinger voicebanks sound good, and so far I'm about halfway done with recording Mario's dataset as of writing this post. Maria's dataset progress will start next year, hopefully. I'll try and figure out the whole multispeaker schtick but GOD Colab does hate me.

Maria and Mario will still be available for download, and I don't think I will discontinue them anytime soon. I would love to see them being used in all sorts of audiovisual work even when I'm not actively working on this project.

New Voicebanks...?

As Maria and Mario are the only UTAUs associated with this project, I don't have any plans adding new UTAUs. When I first started this project in 2014, it was all about Maria and Mario and how much I wanted to make lots of song covers with them - mostly the songs that I loved.

I did have plans for adding in new UTAUs for this project, but that won't be the case anymore. Devoting my time and energy to two UTAUs is already enough.

Site Updates

I won't be updating this site as much from this point, simple as that. I'm satisfied with the way this site looks, so no needless site revamping!!

The only times I will post here are when I upload a new cover, so no fan content promos and all, unfortunately.

Signing Off

So this will be my last post about the future of AUSPICIOUS VOICE. It'll be a smaller project compared to my other ones, and once I'm finished with Maria and Mario's DiffSinger voicebanks, they'll be the last voicebanks I'll ever release for them. Cover uploads will come by once in a while (or once a month if I feel like it), and this site will see very few updates. Also anniversary uploads are still a thing, and my interactions with the community are still at a minimum. And Maria and Mario are still available for download. :)

With that being said, UTAU's one hell of a ride, but I'm at that point where I'm devoting my time towards other things that are worth my time and energy. Out with UTAU (for like the most part), and in with OCs, animatics, and other bits of media I like doing best!

See you later,

- HIRA

[canmom]

...tumblr won't let me edit that tagline, rip

I haven't put an update on there for a bit so I thought I'd put up a current WIP and an update on all the different irons in the canmom fire. there's maybe a few too many but I don't seem to be able to live any other way, thanks "ey dee aitch dee" ^^'

next year I really wanna learn to scope things better, shut off the perfectionism, and get finished pieces out more often. too many times I've started on something overly ambitious and then run out of hyperfocus juice and it's died on the vine. making The Tale of the Little Witch with Yuri really underlined how satisfying it is to actually finish something, and I'm looking forward to when we're able to release that on YT. so, short term, I want to dust off the various dead WIPs and put the absolute bare minimum necessary to get them out the door in some form, and longer term I wanna get into a habit of smaller, more manageable projects (even if they're part of a larger thing).

I want to get back into art streams too! that's part of the point of this vtuber project (besides doing collabs with other vtubers, and learning about an interesting technology). if all goes well, the viRtua canm0ms (it's a working name lol) will be running a lot of creative streams - drawing, 3D graphics, and music. more updates on that later.

animation night may or may not happen tonight, i've done unwise things with sleep again, if it does i'll let you know.

if you're celebrating any holidays today, hope ya have a good one!!!

[abstractlantern]

Massive devlog update 2!

Alright, I finally got around to making this! This is a continuation of my last update, which you can find here . Without further ado, let's start where we last stopped.

Here are separate areas of the building. They're a little plain for now, but I plan on fleshing them out a little bit in the future.

You can save your game at the well! This is what's behind the main building. Once again, I think it looks nice *for now*, but I plan on changing it later.

A cute little secret area! That's it for this part of the game, though, so let's move forward.

Just realized I forgot to add a way back into the compound area /)_-

But that doesn't matter because now we have a battle tutorial!

The tutorial goes on, and it's probably way longer than necessary tbh (>w<) The basic battle mechanics are explained, it isn't too hard to grasp considering it's just the basic RPGM 2003 system. I'm not smart enough to come up with a unique battle style lol.

I did take a little bit of inspiration from OFF and added an ability that lets you get a better look at your opponents.

The tutorial goes on to explain what the sigil next to his name means. Basically, every enemy that appears in game will have a special sigil next to their name notifying what their "aspect" is. Aspects are just bootlegged pokemon types, lmao. The current aspects are Glass, Blood, Light, and Sight. That info doesn't make a lot of sense on its own, but it's aaaaall gonna be incorporated into the lore.

We are now out here in the desert! Fun fact about the desert, when I played through the game to get these screenshots, I got lost. I then realized 500x500 was maybe a bit big for a map. I've since made it a lot smaller, and it's way less easy to get lost now.

The desert is very big. And there are lots of different things you can find. Like these fun, perfectly uniform human skulls!

But that's enough messing around. To get out of the desert, you just need to find statues like these and then follow the path down.

Now they can have a cute little campfire.

Woo, we made it to the end of the desert! And to the end of the Tumblr picture limit. There's still a good amount of stuff after this point, but it might be a little while before I make another update. I'm gonna start my new job in a couple of days, so I'm gonna spend most of my time preparing for that and getting used to my new routine. I'll still be working on the game when I can, though.

See y'all later ^w^!

[pumpkin-spike18]

✨WEEKLY PROGRESS 2023 #5 & #6✨

I swear biweekly updates won't become a trend. 😥

Weekly Progress 2023 #5

Finished programing SYVNH Demo 2.0!

Finished first draft of EKL script

Updated CG Gallery

Went through lint failures and fixed those

Sent to playtesters, did some fixes

Drafted announcements and tweets

Weekly Progress 2023 #6

Updated screenshots

Released Demo 2.0

Scheduled a month of tweets

Advertised on discord/reddit

Added release to Yan Jam 2023

Answered a few comments

Whee~ I reached the lighted station in the middle of the tunnel 😌 I'll be taking a break here before moving on.

So what's next?

For Stuck in a Yandere Visual Novel... HELP!!:

First things first, I think there are a few things in Demo 2.0 that I want to update as soon as I can (which may be mid to late March, earliest). Things currently on my list is:

Updating the smaller sprites by the textbox to be on the right layer 😅 Have any of you tried to save when one of those were on screen? Don't, please lol The issue with fixing that is that I hardcoded that in and it's spread throughout the script so I'll have to manually go in and fix that.

Updating a new voice channel to separate the SFX and the Voice sounds. This one was a result of myself having a brainfart as I started coding and mixed up the channels. I also misunderstood how the built in voice channel is normally used so I'll have to do a bit more research/testing to make sure everything works right.

Adding in a quick way for the player to delete certain persistents.

Finishing that last BG that you didn't see updated compared to Demo 1.0. No not the one on the date.

Maybe a few art updates

And then after that, I'll make a plan for the release of the final part of the game. Or I might do that first next week since I like making guides. The general ending(s) for the full story had long been decided since I first came up with the idea for the game. However, the details and path to that has changed slightly. I did not think certain things through until I started writing the script in Demo 1.0 and Demo 2.0 so some details need to be ironed out.

I also might need to find an editor for the full story. I'm not sure yet. I'm actually not very confident in my ideas and Smoke really helped me out during the release of Demo 1.0. During Demo 2.0, Mamep was gracious enough to take time out to do proofreading, but no in depth editing was performed. So I don't know yet how that'll proceed for the full game.

For everything else:

It's still early in 2023, but I'm told myself NO GAME JAMS. Yeah, guess who was prepared to break that back in mid-January and finished writing a whole new script for a game? EKL (Exorcist Killing Lie) mentioned above in Weekly Progress #5 might be a project submitted for Battle Action Fantasy VN Jam, which I am also helping hosting! Let's get lots more shounen-esque battle VNs out there!

I also have a pre-existing project which I will be doing the programming for. We're hoping to work on that once again for Otome Jam. That will likely take precedence over any other VN jams I participate in.

Of course, alongside that are some paused projects I had on-going prior to working on SYVNH: Pre-Make and There's a Clown in my Attic!! All the sprite art for these two projects are already finished so I do hope to finish both games this year.

And like every good indie vndev out there, I have a 20 page list of games I want to make. Of those, I've two where writing has started. I don't plan on announcing anything for that until the scripts have finished. (One of them are already at 9k words... 😥)

...And for the far, far off future. I have two more ideas that would be the same genre as SYVNH (BL + transmigration/isekai). Though I haven't a clue yet if they'd be better as VNs, KNs, or even as a light novel. 2023 is still a long time. We'll see soon~

[goat-yells-at-everything]

The orange lump is Rosie. Lol

We had a decent night. I think I'm gonna switch places with Rosie cuse it was hard to stretch my legs out all the way on the short side.

Sparta came and went through the night. I didnt wana deal with the litter box this time around so I didnt close us in totally. The big tub i have was a bit too big to keep inside the tent. I planned to get another one a little smaller to put dry food in so I'll use that as our "table" instead and keep this outside with the cooler.

I'm gonna look for some kind of legless chair for inside. Maybe an armadillo (arm pillow) cuse having no actual polls in the tent means there isn't much stability and sitting here last night made my back ACH so badly.

The bed wasn't bad to sleep on. Actually about the same as my old twin mattress so thats a plus. Mom says we have some of those interlocking foam tiles so im gonna dig them out and that should make it even better pluse easier on my knees coming in and out of the tent.

And I dont actually have to crawl around inside. The middle has an almost 5 foot ceiling so still about a foot shorter than my full hight but still bigger than any other tent we've had (besides our old 2 room tent my brother lost years ago).

All in all it was a decent first night of the dry run. A few tweaks and we should be good to go for next weekend.

[femme-foucault]

I am not angry at that student in the last post btw, but he does actually have the honor of being the one student who did get under my skin for a few seconds....and then actually now it's pretty funny because of what happened next.

I preface I would not go into teaching if I did not genuinely like and respect myself. Even the girl who I probably should have started marking absent because she was being too cruel to other students and I should have just not tried to Make Everyone Get On Well I don't hate or even dislike, just kick myself for not handling it better because I was less authoritative. I don't even dislike this kid it's just maybe one of the weirdest and not-funny-but-kinda funny student evals I have ever had. There is a lottttt of context leading up to it but in the sake of anonymity, I am omitting it all. I'll just say no I don't think he was neurodirvergent, definitely had energy to have an internship in another which was fine it was a remote class and I don't blame him for being psyched about it even if he went without a mask in a public airport but this was a bit of a doozy.

First of all, I think this is the only student I have ever met who passed a class in a subject that, by the way, is MANDATORY for ALL students in this university to pass. You can test out of the lower level one but not this one. Not this subject in particular, but one with an extensive writing component. It's a writing intensive class. That is why it is called a writing intensive class. Hey look, I hated algebra but I didn't take it out on my algebra teacher. I'm kinda used to some students just not seeing why they need to take the course and don't take it personally though actually contrary to what you'd think, the pre-med kids, the engineers, computer science people...yeah I may be a tech person but I don't go too much into that in an intro class and we had all majors. So I get not wanting to take a core class but I don't....think he actually ever truly understood what an argument was vs an opinion. That was day 1. And no, he was not stupid. I think it had to be deliberate.

He accused me falsely of showing up to class drunk. I was sober at the time bc I was on some new meds that I didn't mix with alcohol and I would never do that anyway. He also admitted "I have no proof."Now, I definitely showed up to class TIRED and drinking a lot of coffee and not wearing make up. But sure, someone who looks like a woman doesn't wear make up

HOWEVER I found out from three other instructors all of THEM were also falsely accused for the same thing so I guess that's just the thing they think they can say? Finding out students falsely accuse professors of being under the influence to Report to the Manager is sad...was that the thing they did on Reddit?

....but the punchline is, someone I know this happened to....is a devout Mormon. Lol.

He said that I was discriminating against him for trying to use Joe Rogan as a peer-reviewed source. I know you skipped half the classes because you were in LA or something (not depression or anything). But we literally went over this. I actually meet with my students in office hours one on one several times a semester to talk with them about the project of that semester's unit and talk about revising it for the larger essay, which is longer and is graded more strictly. And if you didn't turn in the smaller essay, well you might lose some points off your overall grade, but I encourage them to come in anyway even if it's a rough draft so we can brainstorm together and come up with an outline and I can give suggestions and most of them take me up on it. It is so labor-intensive, and I did it four times this class, not three. Again -- it was NOT a depressive issue and he was pretty clear about that.

The one thing this kid said that I admit got on my nerves is he felt I was not giving him a good grade because I politically disagreed with him. Actually aside from liking Joe Rogan I don't even remember him talking about politics, I think he just jumped to assumptions bc queer trans and assigned Ta-Nehisi Coates and Trish Roberts-Miller and Umberto Eco. But the reason that annoyed me is actually I have gotten along very well with conservative students. I am not kidding. It's different than with adults because 1) you are in a position of power over them as an instructor you should not abuse unless they threaten you in some way 2) many students who come to college conservatives begin to ask questions about the world around them in new and interesting ways. You cannot make anyone change, but shutting them down when you are in a unique position of authority is not productive either. Besides, I would never abuse my position as a teacher to arbitrarily down grade someone who met all the assignment parameters. I guess if you don't see how I give feedback and a lot of feedback for revision behind closed doors you wouldn't know that but that did actually get on my nerves. Not because I care about what a guy who I think genuinely does not understand the concept of an argument (in a rhetorical sense) despite ostensibly taking a course about them for reasons that I really don't think are related to intelligence (he was having some internship or something and that's fine, I had part time jobs, a lot of my students' do, so it wasn't that or stress). It annoys me when people won't take responsibility for their own actions and assume if they aren't succeeding at something that it HAS to be someone else Out to Get Him.

So yes, a student did actually get under my skin for a minute but not because I care what he thinks about me or thought anyone would take that seriously, but even though no one would believe that for a number of reasons (there was a LOT of other awful shit in that eval....and I haven't gotten to the punchline yet)....it was more about just not really having much patience for that kinda thin-skinnedness and paranoia. There is a bigotry level I suspect too, but who knows? Then I realized that's a teaching lesson that you just can't care about That One Student when you got tons of emails thanking you for the class.

The punchline, however, and the reason I knew that I was okay when he complained that it was "impossible" to pass this class and I was "making it hard on purpose" (Yes, because I have a chance to share the subject I love and find important to a young audience and therefore I am going to....not do that? Look I know some teachers don't care about teaching but I do. I want you to get something useful...). That "no one likes it and is doing well in it" which I assume he said bc he knew I knew they had a GroupChat. It was very deliberately "ooooh I am bringing up we all hate the professor in the group chat?"

Which didn't work because....

I know that is not true bc while I don't read their GroupChat I did have a good relationship with most of the students in that class. I do feel like it was a depressing course to teach online but it's COVID so we were limited but I always find more balanced feedback from students who fall in between the extremes to be most useful and they don't fill evals out :(

"No one likes it because no one is doing well and it's too hard" doesn't hold up even on paper because....

....I gave out more A's in that class than I ever have before or since. I have a few theories why. It was NOT because I did a curve. I don't believe in curves UNLESS I think I made a mistake or something too hard and that's only happened twice (and once I guess was more COVID's fault than mine but still). I didn't need to. They all knocked it out of the park. It was a AWFUL semester bc of COVID. So much suffering and pain and yeah I know it wasn't fun to learn an interactive thing online so I actually understand the mixed reviews. But yeah, if you are going to accuse someone of making it hard on purpose and then high school "the group chat hates you because it's too hard" and I KNOW that is not the case than Reddit needs to come up with a different thing to say to a teacher you don't like.

Now how do I explain that without sounding...like this

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Rambling, food + body things

I'm making granola, probably way too much of it, it's so high cal that I don't even want to look at the numbers haha but it's gonna be like power food to get me through the day, I'll eat it with plain yogurt, it'll be fine 😅

I'm nervous about going back to work, heavy manual labor in the Texas heat, I haven't built a stage since April, I'm gonna be so out of shape strength-wise, I've been good about walking regularly but I haven't really been carrying heavy things lately, and I've gotten used to mild temps so it's gonna be hard to transition back to heat in the 90s... Good news is I'm 10 lbs skinnier, I got some new shorts for work today that aren't as short as the other ones so maybe the guys won't be looking at my butt all day, hopefully if I can manage to drive 8h each for the next 3 days I can get to Texas a day early so I can get used to the heat and buy groceries.

We're supposed to have a full size fridge and a kitchenette in the hotel room so I'm gonna be able to get actual food and not just eat out every day, I'm thinking yogurt+granola for breakfast, salad and veggies and whatever veg protein catering is serving for lunch, banana for an afternoon snack, and then easy protein foods for dinner like cottage cheese, lentil soups, etc.

Would love to be 105 or under the next time I step on a scale but I also have to prioritize health + body functions above that right now, but if I can at least maintain weight and energy levels that's fine ?? I guess ?? Idk I technically hit my goal weight for the year and I have a history of immediately gaining once the ultimate goal is reached so I'm just gonna see how it goes, don't overthink it, drink electrolytes and eat protein and don't eat crazy junk food -> actually I'm rewriting that sentence bc the new ultimate goal for this year is officially 103 so the plan is to maintain if I must but continue on my journey at the first opportunity :)

Motivation:

thinking about how confident I feel when I'm skinny, being cute and dancing everywhere and existing comfortably in my body; just casually looking skinny in every scenario and photo, taking goofy pics and looking cute instead of awkward; sitting on things and not worrying if my thighs look fat, wearing a crop top and not worrying about bloating after a meal, doing tasks at work in awkward positions but looking cute and fit while doing it, not constantly adjusting my clothes all the time bc everything just sits better;

working at hula, making a good first impression on the art team there, working on cool projects and using my creative/technical skills, learning new things but looking cute rather than clueless; and then show days, wearing cute outfits, swimming in the river, being cold at night and bundling up in cozy clothes, dancing with strangers, floating around like a mysterious woodland creature, confidence to make new friends and explore past my comfort zone

going out in rave clothes for show days in orlando, dancing and cuddling with L and feeling extra tiny next to him, also just seeing him again I know he's gonna pick me up and swirl me around lol would be nice to feel so tiny while that happens :) I finally got myself a set of real earplugs (last time he gave me his and then dragged me to a techno show hahaha) so I feel ready to go out and actually participate this time; also working with the art team over there, they were really snooty last year but it'd be cool to come in all skinny and confident and helpful this year and just radiate good vibes over them;

I gotta start trying a little harder with my work outfits this year, sometimes they look kinda grungy or like dad working in the yard vibes, but I'm trying to elevate my look just a lil bit and being skinny is definitely going to help. Less sweat, smaller thighs/legs, stronger + more visible muscles, looking better in short shorts and crop tops even though I've still been wearing them this whole time lol, big tshirts and longer shorts also look better; wearing bright colors and patterns and tie dye, all of it looks better when you're skinny;

My face looks so much cuter when I'm thinner; skinny hands and wrists on the steering wheel; muscles actually visible in my legs and arms and abs; bones ofc but they kind of get in the way at work, my hipbones are gonna be so bruised after one day; but cheekbones, collarbones, wrist bones, shin bones, shoulder bones, spine... Actually my spine also gets bruised when we have a long standby and I lean up against something hard for too long.

You get the idea. I know I've been saying how skinny I feel like basically since I started losing again which is funny but it's nice to be under 110 officially, it's like a whole new level of skinny :) can we lose another 5 lbs in the next 4-5 weeks?? Maybe, there's gonna be a lot of exercise, hot weather, no one paying attention to what I'm eating or wanting to share food with me, skinny roommate so I can't just snack all night without feeling weird... Could work out!

(God and then I'm going from TX to Florida and I actually can't wait to be so skinny and weigh myself on the stupid giant scales at Publix lmfao that's gonna be so fun)

[the-firebird69]

ТБшник на стройке ч.2 #softroofs #софтруфс

Hey Mike

Zues Hera

I guess I can hire your companies not doing very good at it he says it's really kind of stupid you can build them and we get in there probably the same percentage and we don't feel anything you know that's stupid and they just work real well we have to defend him against idiots

So you said the latter part and I think I might hire them this is such a pain in the ass I got to know how to do anything and they're exhausted and then you got monkeys on there I think I'll call him up

Mike tew

I think you're right it's a waste of time he said look there goes all their work it was one less building to worry about and for Christ said what a piece of s*** and the idiots build the building next to a wrong and it pushed it over it's going to be just like the allegiant sunseeker and put the Port Charlotte it's true too that broke during the hurricane we checked the statement and it's cracked you should probably start doing that so we're probably going to hire your companies and we know which ones we think and yeah that's fun

Mac daddy

Yeah we suck ever noticing something everybody's going after this for some reason I wonder what that is Mac you know

Trump

I know what it is you forced your way into the laundromat and he told you not to

Zues Hera

Yeah I guess so everyone's sick of that s*** you know I'm a very annoying person and some people can't take it and these two take it the wrong way and I keep doing it and people won't let me stop and yeah one of those people so goodbye they say

Trump

So he's trying to interrupt and have it so people won't call our companies cuz he doesn't want to see people build stuff and then the saboteurs and they ruined this building and they're going to jail and they're not bothering with court

Thor Freya

Yeah it blue and I can be a cm he's right too the same percentage or less and they have to defend it same as they always do anyways they come in and build it like a day and it's the right stuff and it stays up during hurricanes tornadoes earthquakes I got to tell you where like really kind of not doing anything this is tested on one building it looks like rebarc or some weird s*** like that and I agree that's a good idea

Bob Marsh

Hahaha LOL it's Reebok but he said it kind of funny but that's how Bob Marley speaks is Boston educated but we are going to try one building probably each and see how it goes it says make it a little bigger one so we can bring in a team and I get that and we use different people we don't use Justice so it'll be Max on there there are people some foreigners some minority murloc and some bja no trumps we get that too

Mike tew

And we might do it too and they don't care now they want to so and ends up being slightly mixed we're going to call them up

Bja

Olympus

So you can call us up and just take some money what's the point we have the same percentage of people there and so on so I called them up and I want to do a test they have plans for certain ones and we're going to try and do that and put it into approval process we really need it right now and this way to do it real quick I looked into those container things and it hard to get approved here so it makes it obsolete and he says that you look at Major projects and that's one thing you want to do that it's just like a wood frame method and we can do concrete later cuz it's harder to get to get and more political and they take a lot more time to approve it and we can put up a ton of it real quick and he says he's got the whole thing mastered so I did do that too and it's a lot less money and it takes a little bit of less time not much but yeah it's fast as hell and strong as hell and so they said they can go on as soon as you get a permit and I'm going to try and get a permit it's my area so I should just permit it I guess this is just a test and we don't hold it like Trump does so maybe you should do like a smaller one to see if you hold it like the idiot and I went ahead and did that somewhere else but that's good

Brad

We're actually getting customers because of what's going on right here and these videos and people want to test so we're going to go ahead and do it

Thor Freya

They have huge construction companies and they're rolling to do this teeny thing belt it out and probably a couple days and be ridiculous and then they leave

Mac daddy I'm going to go ahead and do it right here cuz this is terrible he said it takes him a while but not that long it's like a month versus 6 months or 3 months that's good

We have this program rolling and just going to help so I'm going to print

Olympus

We like it Hera Zeus

[sadlittlestray]

health vent

i'm very lucky i found a good PT literally 60 seconds from where i live who understands and respects CFS and is willing to learn about hEDS and help me with increasing my joint stability so i don't constantly pull things out of place standing stock still and maybe reduce my hip/knee pain etc. etc. but at the same time we still haven't found a good balance between making progress vs. triggering PEM and my health in general is taking a very bad turn since starting PT :( my POTS symptoms are a lot worse than they were before even though i'm working to increase my cardio endurance (verrry slowly... there will be someone three times my age just flyin by on the elliptical next to me without much perceived trouble meanwhile i can't go above 3 MPH (average walking speed for adults) without my heart rate exceeding 200 BPM right away and triggering my asthma and it still gets that high by the time i've done 5 minutes at that speed lol). in general my fatigue is the worst it's been in years. i've had to start using more aids to get anything done (cane, shower chair, impact mats, ergonomic kitchen tools, using chairs more often) and lately i can't even eat the few things i keep in the house that i can a) afford b) tolerate and c) prepare reliably. i've always had to eat slow but lately i've had to take several hours to eat meals that i used to take maybe 30 minutes to eat before (and those are the things that are most agreeable to my stomach) because my motility issues are so much worse than they ever have been, eating more than a couple bites makes me feel fucking awful but i also feel worse when i haven't eaten obviously. and i've started noticing that sometimes meals will cause my heart to start racing, though i haven't been able to pin down a pattern so i'm not sure what the cause is yet or if it's even anything i can control. my sensory issues are so much worse, too - it's gotten better with age to an extent, but i've also worked really hard to challenge myself to periodically try things i've not liked in the past and i've expanded my horizons quite a bit. but lately i've been averse to foods that are normally fine so much that it causes me full-body pain until it's out of my mouth so a lot of times i've gone to prepare something i normally eat and not only does it hurt digestive-ways but also sensory-ways so i can't eat it at all (or have to spend even more time picking out whatever is causing the problem and be on edge the whole time that i missed something). i had overwhelming sensory issues as a kid but i think i forgot just how viscerally bad it was lol. re: the motility issues i need to start eating smaller meals more frequently but that's even more time preparing things and i can't currently realistically afford many ready-to-eat foods that i can actually tolerate, everything i can scrape together needs to be prepared in some way (even if with just microwaving or boiling water or chucking it in a rice cooker). i can't even go to the store by myself anymore and i know i'll figure it out but with the few hours and little energy i have to do anything and the unreliability of whether or not i can drive anywhere myself (used to be like two or three times a month i would spend my best energy days to drive to the store, i've gone to the store one (1) time since starting PT in december) this is a bigger task than it should be and with everything else going on i feel like i'm in freefall... i'm very grateful i finally have a foothold to get into a doctor's office much less get them to maybe listen a little sometimes if they're nice and they feel like it. but it's been 13 years since i've been saying something's *really* wrong and while i've done my best to make peace with my body and health it's still just a lot to deal with sometimes

[meowmeowbeepy]

Wow here are some updates no one asked for

I just caught up on previous blog posts. I am sorry the last two seemed more like tweets. Here are some historical happenings since last true post (mostly I've been doing book and podcast reviews lol?)

I went to NY w/ Benny which was fun. I was so incredibly pleased w/ myself that he actually LIKED it. Lots of touristy things that we all must do at least once in this life... Next time we go back we will be more slow paced. I liked the hotel A LOT. It's great to stay in 1 central place when traveling. I know I'll have made it in life if my future hotels on vacations are nice as balls and convenient and no compromise! He liked the MET the most. I felt bad bc I was not doing well that day (abrupt #3 iykyk and hungry and feet hurt). Something I like abt Ben: he never makes me feel bad when I actually am being a problem. I cannot say I am as gracious towards crankypants. I liked the ferry ride to the Statue of Liberty! Specifically the Statue of Liberty. The island was not crowded, and we were the first group there so it was an ideal situation and felt whimsical for an iconic landmark. I also really liked seeing friends Clur and Corn. It was so nice and energetic for the limited time I had. But the most soul filling ofc was bringing Benny to grandparents. I appreciate my auntie sm for being the best (albeit crazy) caretaker of grandparents (also crazy). Family becomes everything and continues to speed up up up up in importance as we age. Our social worlds will get smaller.. not worse! Just infrequent! But family is home. That's how I can describe the feeling anyways. My translation abilities were better than I thought... Also, I knew they were old but I never felt they were any older than other grandparents. But after this trip, I could SEE and I really felt that they are getting far older than average/normal. So I treasure and am thankful for that. I hope they will be here for much longer. So much time has gone by since I was a little college kid staying majorly w/ them "upstate" and venturing towards Manhattan. Now, I don't think I could do that haha. I am such a princess haha.

Before we went to NY me, daddy, and Benny went to a Rockets game. It was perfectly fun and something I know my daddy will treasure a lot. He likes that kinda stuff.

I thought December was going to be a huge flop/slow month for HAs but it ended up being ok. January tho... extreme flop lols. But I guess I have one more week to turn it around? Doubt I can realistically. I wonder if I am not as motivated as I was when I first started :( But idunno. I think about the ethics and morals of different HA levels way more than I used to? Or at least deeper than I used to so maybe that is affecting me? I also think I am more realistic than before- I used to give my 500% and was blind to a person who probably wouldn't follow through. Now, I can see it early on and it doesn't disappoint as much I guess. Probably not good. Also, the salary drama I've recently become privy to was a weird thing to experience in my career. I didn't get TMJ from it lol and feel pretty neutral overall. But hoping the best... for all.. and for me. If I could say 1 thing I am really bleh to: the tracking and KPI of my office. The higher ups are VERY nice... but what's going to happen when my numbers aren't as good for an entire year as maybe they were Sept-Oct. But I won't be too negative, realistically I know things will ebb and flow without any change in me.

Ok last one. We got a new doggy! Born 3/21/2020... Barney! He's so sweetums and so much more DOG than Toby was. Barney is just a wee bit mischievous but it is overpowered by his loyalty and desire to be close to humans. Toby was very mischievous and not super affectionate or needy, tho very loyal w/out shame lol. (Ex. does not want love from anyone but my mom.. esp Joann) Barney is pretty sweet to all. Joann has announced that he is HER dog, which makes sense. AND I don't mind. I just want a little doggy adjacent. She is basically holding him hostage in her room which I think is funny bc his personality probably will do well w/ that. Vs. Toby hated her for that. God blessed us w/ Barney though. He is so gentle and baby that he will be a good second dog to people who VERY HONESTLY have not fully moved on from Toby. And probably never will (not in a super bad way) but he was more than a dog lollll so dramatic.

K bye

[0thsense]

11/5/2023

Back from glorious nippon. To be honest it was definitely a fun trip. It made me realize just how starved I've been of human interaction in general this past year. I have a whirlwind of thoughts I'd like to put down so lets get started.

I brought up IQ and online tests to Michael and Reggie, but more to Michael in particular. They both seemed to not have had much prior interest in them, which slightly surprised me from a basal part of my mind since I'm interested in them. But I know that I have way more interest than normal. Michael tried them and scored surprisingly high, getting 138 on one diagnostic. Since that is about what I get, and I previously thought I had higher IQ to be honest, it was a little surprising. It makes me think that what I previously thought were larger gaps between me and others might actually be much smaller. I'm also suspecting more and more that I'm not actually smarter than others to the extent that I think.

What is the difference then? Is it simply personal bias that I especially notice the times when I seem smarter> Or is it some sort of strangeness I have with a tendency to analyze everything? Hard to say I suppose. I was unable to tease anything out of Reggie about insecurities relating to intelligence and other things that I've long suspected he had. Even at the onsen we didn't really open up that much, despite my efforts.

My mood was definitely very good overall on the trip, and definitely a large part of that was being off my meds. I'm kind of torn on whether I should continue meds at this point. Maybe I just need to drink coffee every time I need to focus. That's probably what my parents did, given they drank 8 cups of coffee a day or something absurd like that. I'm definitely more fun and quirky when I'm not on them, and I'm even trying to stay off of them to see what happens for a bit now that I'm back.

Another thing I've looked a bit into recently is attachment styles. I think I maybe fearful avoidant, due to being scared of my parents when I was young. I think that's the one that's the worst. Another thing to blame on my parents kappa. I don't really know how to fix it other than just trying to force myself to trust others. It's really hard for me I've realized, and this is probably part of the reason why I've always thought about being so self sufficient.

I brought this up to the girl I went on a date with a week before the japan trip. this transition was awkward lol. That date kinda sucked, it was just really boring. Oh well I guess. I don't really have much thoughts on it even though in theory it's something exciting. I'll try to stay active on Hinge I guess for more excitement with some new pictures from Japan but I'm trying to not expect too much.

I was happy with how my fitness helped during the whole Japan trip. I think I had the most stamina and energy throughout the trip. Japanese girls are really cute ngl. I wish I was still at the age where it was more socially acceptable to just be into girls all the time. I hate that I grew up in church and had such warped ideas coming out of it.

I guess I should write some actual exposition about the trip. Reggie did say he started keeping a daily journal where he just writes what happened, and doesn't really go into further thought or detail like I try to do. I kind of assumed that other journalers would also follow my style but I guess I'm wrong? maybe? Reggie probably isn't an exception here. Am I weird for actually thinking about everything? Probably. But nobody would admit that they're a shallow thinker, it's one of the things where there's infinite ways to cope yourself into believing that you think about things just as much as the next guy.

I wonder if others also have thoughts relating kimonos to flowers blooming. I hope that doesn't come off as misogynistic. I wonder where I would be the misogyny scale. Of course I'd like to believe I'd be really low but who knows? I can't read other people's or my own mind on these things. When I got boba with Ned I accidentally gendered a nonspecified secretary as "she" and I think that bothered Ned even though I caught it and corrected myself. I feel like that's unfair of him. When someone talks about a secretary helping David Shaw out do people really not imagine a mental scene where the secretary has a gender? I guess I didn't possess the faculties and awareness to gender them only in my hypothetical mental scene and shake that off when back to talking about them in the realm of only the information actually presented. Maybe this is the non-misogyny skill I need to practice. It does make me feel a little mad though.

Oh yea I've been experimenting with trying to actually feel my emotions. I might have mentioned this in a past blog but I'm actually trying to feel the anger and sadness I've bubbled up for far too long. I think it's sort of working? In the sense that sometimes I do think I'm feeling angry or sad profoundly. I'm not sure if feeling them helps at all though. My mood right now is pretty good randomly. I sure hope it doesn't go back down to the dumps again.

The food and views in Japan were excellent. I don't really have much more to say about it.

I predict everything and the things that I remember are the things that deviate most from what I've predicted. Wow that sounds so edgy. Surely I remember things that were really good or really bad even if I predicted them. Like even if I predicted a view to be really good would I not be struck by how good it is? Or maybe that's the thing. It's impossible to truly predict nature's beauty without actually seeing it. That would be nice if that were true. Will I remember the views of Japan? Maybe if I convince myself they were special enough, which I think I partly have already. Same with the food.

[pyjamaenzel]

DiY framing job for the needlepoint piece I picked up a while back.

I have a weird set of skills that come in handy at odd times...I actually worked as a framer for a while before my current job. the frame i picked up on clearance because it was the only thing i could find that had remotely the right proportions. It was originally for 3 6x4 photos and painted this terrible desaturated brown. luckily the glass was all one piece and the two wood bits partitioning off the photo spots were just glued in so i was able to break them off with my hands, lol. That left unpainted spots, however, so on a whim i assaulted it with acetone and the ugly paint came right off and you could see the wood grain. It now looks more like it was deliberately stained.

The mat i cut freehand with a box cutter and ruler so it doesn't have a proper bevel but i want to get a real mat cutter someday.

in terms of mounting the piece, when i dismantled the wallet it turned out it had been done on what was basically netting and was very fragile. So after washing it i carefully squared it off and sewed it down to a piece of muslin so i could stretch it properly.

I want to make a proper tutorial for this, but the way i learned to mount embroidery/cross stitch is actually not that difficult to learn. You just need foam core (preferably acid free) and straight pins. (the all metal kind with flat heads.)

you cut the foam core a bit bigger than your mat opening (if the piece has very small borders, then give yourself at least 1/2" of fabric all the way around) or slightly smaller than your frame if there's no mat. Then you pin the edges of the fabric to the side of the foamcore all the way around. If your piece resists being squared off you may have to reposition the pins several times.

it should look something like this. make sure the tips of the pins are buried in the foamcore and not poking out the back or into the piece itself.

spacing wise just do as may pins as you need to get the fabric tight. If it's Aida cloth you may need to make sure to pin the intersections of the fibers to make sure the pin heads don't slip through the holes in the cloth.

I'll be framing my own embroidery next so I'll be able to take more step by step photos of the mounting process. (maybe a video.)

[tj-crochets]

Tj, there's In-N-Out in Texas, but it's trash compared to Cali. Stick to Whataburger and save yourself the disappointment.!

If you like camping or just nature stuff, Turner Falls is beautiful! We used to drive up from TX when I was a kid.

Thank you!! That is very good to know. I gotta admit I’m kind of excited to learn all the cool places to go in a new state and all the good food options. Like, that’s one of my favorite things about visiting my grandma in Georgia. I think once was enough times to feed alligators, though lol