#maybe i’m just being entitled as someone who’s never read any of the dragon age books or comics and doesn’t particularly want to

[eye-of-yelough]

dragon age stopped being good when the settings were no longer limited to one country

i think ultimately i’m just thinking about how. okay. skyrim came out in 2011. gta 5 came out in 2013. inquisition came out in 2014. why is it taking 10+ years to make a follow up game. i would be so much happier with a game with mid graphics and a mid soundtrack, that’s geographically small, but with a good story and good characters, every 3 years. than whatever the top video game developers seem to think gamers want. every game does not need to be Bigger and Grander and Higher Fantasy than the last. i just want a coherent story

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight ch 5

Gawyn tries his hand at a murder mystery and relationship negotiation, Graendal tries her hand at wolf-hunting, and Moridin is, as ever, a Situation.

Chapter 5: Writings

Gawyn? Must we? Though there’s a Forsaken chapter icon so I hold out some hope for this chapter.

And Sleete’s back, it would seem. And okay Gawyn your description of him is rather detailed and lingers lovingly on his ruggedness, grace, and cheekbones. Maybe you should ask him out and leave Egwene alone.

Oh, I see; we’re doing a murder mystery. Mesaana? Is that you?

“Do you really think you’ll find anything the sisters did not, Trakand?” Chubain asked, folding his arms.

“I’m looking for different things,” Gawyn said

Sorry Gawyn, but I don’t think you’ll find any critical thinking skills beneath that rug. You never know, though! Or maybe it’s hiding that sense of purpose you left behind in Andor?

Jokes aside, I think I know what’s going on here: we’re setting up a murder mystery so that Gawyn can solve it where no one else could and, in doing so, redeem himself in Egwene’s and I suppose theoretically the reader’s eyes as well.

Meh. It feels a little contrived, but that might just be because my patience with Gawyn ran out a book or two ago.

Or maybe because he was actually more interesting to me, in a kind of character-study sense, when he was falling, and I’m just not that interested in watching him rise.

[The guards] weren’t as antagonistic towards [Sleete] as they tended to be towards Gawyn. He still hadn’t figured out why they were like that with him.

Wow, Gawyn, I wonder why that could possibly be. Maybe because Sleete’s a Warder and also doesn’t go about antagonising the Amyrlin Seat and demanding to be let into places and annoying everyone within earshot? And also changing sides several times – and okay, yes, Gawyn picked the ‘right’ side in the end, but from the perspective of the guards… really, Gawyn? You can’t think why they might not like you?

At least he can figure out that this is probably not the Black Ajah’s work.

Why did nobody sense channelling from the places where the women were killed?

So this still fits with it being Mesaana but it reminds me of something that I’ve wondered about a few times: if Mesaana is masquerading as an Aes Sedai, how does no one notice her strength, if she’s not hiding her ability, or the fact that she apparently can’t channel, if she is? Or is it possible to partially mask the ability to channel?

When Egwene had told Gawyn he could visit the scenes of the murders if he wished, he’d asked if he could bring Sleete with him.

Good first date ideas: visit a murder scene!

(To be fair that’s basically the plot of most crime dramas, so)

True, he didn’t know much about gateways yet, and people could reportedly make them hang above the ground so they didn’t cut anything. But why would the Black Ajah care about that?

Because not all villains like to chew scenery? It’s awfully gristly, you know.

Also to avoid leaving evidence and make forensics harder. Come on, Gawyn, you’re going to have to step up your detective game a little bit here.

I am with Gawyn, though, on feeling itchy at the thought of setting up a desk that seats you with your back towards the door. How are you supposed to tab away from the embarrassing fanfic you’re writing on the shared family computer in time when someone can just walk in and see your screen? Clearly this Aes Sedai did not grow up in the early 2000s.

Aes Sedai, for all their cunning, sometimes seemed to have remarkably underdeveloped senses of self-preservation.

Gawyn. Please. No one in this series has a functioning sense of self-preservation, with the possible exception of Moghedien.

���But why kill with a knife?” Gawyn said. All four had been killed that way.

Ah. Not Mesaana, then; sounds more like one of the Seanchan bloodknives has thus far avoided notice or death. So we are setting up a victory for Gawyn. Fine. If we must.

Sleete thus far actually seems better at thinking things through and generally playing the detective game, but no doubt Gawyn’s going to get by on instinct and ‘it just doesn’t feel right’. Yes, I am probably being too hard on him. No I don’t care.

A part of him thought that if he could aid Egwene in this, maybe she would soften towards him. Perhaps forgive him for rescuing her from the Tower during the Seanchan attack.

Well, you’re in luck, Gawyn; that seems to be exactly what this narrative arc is being set up for.

Chubain really doesn’t like him. Shame, Chubain; he thinks you’re handsome.

Insufferable man! Gawyn thought. Does he have to be so dismissive towards me? I should—

No. Gawyn forced himself to keep his temper. Once, that hadn’t been nearly so hard.

Why was Chubain so hostile towards him? Gawyn found himself wondering how his mother would have handled such a man as this.

Character growth!

Seriously, though, this is a step in the right direction for Gawyn. To be able to think past that sense of anger and…entitlement, I suppose. To take a step back and think about the situation from another perspective, and think about how best to handle it, rather than just pressing forward with his first instinct. And to consider the wisdom of others who have experience in dealing with things like this, and learn from them.

Though he segues straight into blind rage over Rand al’Thor, Dragon Reborn and murderer extraordinaire, so we’ve still got a little ways to go.

In his heart, Gawyn wanted to meet al’Thor with sword in hand and ram steel through him

Pretty sure that’s not a euphemism.

Also, Ishamael tried that once. Didn’t work out too well for him. Not sure you’d fare any better.

Light! Gawyn thought as Chubain shot him a hostile glance. He thinks I’m trying to take his position.

The triumph of critical thinking! Okay okay, I give Gawyn a lot of shit, but this is the sort of thing he’s not actually bad at, when he takes half a second to do it. It’s just that for the majority of the last several books he’s been jumping to premature conclusions and acting on them without a second thought, assuming he knows best, refusing to listen to others or consider their perspectives, and trying to play his role as he thinks it should be, rather than as it is.

Gawyn’s reasonably clever and reasonably perceptive and generally reasonably competent; his downfall is that he thought he knew his place in the world, and the world didn’t comply. He was the fairytale prince, the noble hero, brother to a future queen and loyal to his oaths and son of a great nation and he knew how all of that fit together, knew his place in it, understood and embraced it.

Only this isn’t his story, and the world went ‘nope, fuck you’ and he’s spent the last several books scrambling to find his footing and not quite understanding that the world isn’t reading from the same script he was handed at age four.

(I think I’ve said elsewhere that it’s like he’s reading, say, Romeo’s lines in a production of The Tempest, and not understanding why nothing makes sense).

Gawyn could have been First Prince of the Sword—should have been First Prince of the Sword—leader of Andor’s armies and protector of the Queen.

And yet, you’re not. How lightly you take that broken oath, Gawyn.

Also, he thinks that makes it laughable that he would want Chubain’s position, but let’s continue to look at it from someone else’s perspective. The man who should have been First Prince of the Sword for some reason isn’t, and you have no idea why, and now he��s here doing some kind of independent investigation and trying to talk to the Amyrlin at every opportunity, having deserted an opposing force that he was commanding. Wouldn’t you be a little confused as to what he actually wants? He clearly doesn’t want the role you assumed he’d hold, so who’s to say he doesn’t want yours?

To give him credit, though, he handles the ensuing conversation with Chubain rather well. Keeps his temper, makes it clear without shaming Chubain that he’s not interested in usurping his role, and thanks Chubain graciously as a way of basically saying ‘I submit to your authority here, or at least I will recognise it and not challenge it’. Well done.

“I don’t think this is the work of the Black Ajah,” Gawyn said. “I think it might be a Grey Man, or some other kind of assassin.”

Yeah I think you’re actually right. Or close, anyway. My money’s on Bloodknives.

Especially now that Sleete’s found a scrap of black silk. What is this, Cluedo?

“I think this is more proof. I mean, it seems odd that nobody has actually seen these Black sisters. We’re making a lot of assumptions.”

Since when has that ever stopped you?

Egwene’s clearly still giving Gawyn something of the cold shoulder, and Gawyn’s being somewhat petulant about it and no, Gawyn, letting Hattori bond you in order to make Egwene jealous is probably not a wise move, but you know that.

It had not been easy to decide to give up Andor—not to mention the Younglings—for her. Yet she still refused to bond him.

Yeah, funny thing about choosing to make sacrifices for someone: if they haven’t asked it of you, it doesn’t actually entitle you to anything in return. A measure of respect or thanks, perhaps, but beyond that, they were your choices, Gawyn, and that’s kind of the point here.

Silviana’s clearly running interference for Egwene, telling Gawyn to wait while she writes a letter which probably means trying to teach him patience and what it actually means to date the Amyrlin.

Egwene saw him. She kept her face Aes Sedai serene—she’d grown good at that so quickly—and he found himself feeling awkward.

Good. You should.

Gawyn’s pursuit of Egwene just makes me want to hit my head against a wall repeatedly, in no small part because I’ve been on the receiving end of something similar and it is Not Fun.

Then again Egwene actually likes Gawyn, which… Egwene you could do so much better. But fine. Sure. Whatever. Sigh.

“Burn me, Egwene. Do you have to show me the Amyrlin every time we speak? Once in a while, can’t I see Egwene?”

“I show you the Amyrlin,” Egwene said, “because you refuse to accept her. Once you do so, perhaps we can move beyond that.”

YES. DRAG HIM.

But, my delight in this aside, this is exactly the point Gawyn needs to get through his head. She is the Amyrlin, and he has to actually understand that, and right now he still… doesn’t. I mean okay, being in a relationship with someone like a head of state is probably not exactly easy, but this is important water to be able to navigate. She is the Amyrlin, and he has to understand that sometimes that’s who she needs to be, and that he doesn’t get to ignore that just because he also knows Egwene. He needs to understand where those boundaries are between Egwene and Amyrlin, public and private, lines he can cross and lines he can’t, and when and how and where. Is that fair? Eh, maybe, maybe not. But it’s the reality, and if he can’t deal with it then maybe dating the Amyrlin Seat is not for him.

“Light! You’ve learned to talk like one of them.”

“That’s because I am one of them,” she said.

He still doesn’t get it. This isn’t just an act she’s putting on for fun, or something she can drop whenever she pleases. He doesn’t get all-hours access to Egwene al’Vere of Emond’s Field, because her role means she can’t be that all the time. She isn’t just that anymore. That’s what she’s trying to tell him here: just as Rand is both himself and Lews Therin, shepherd and Dragon Reborn, both and not separate, she is Egwene al’Vere the girl he first met but also the Amyrlin Seat, innkeeper’s daughter and Aes Sedai. That’s a part of her now, not just decoration (and not a distinct personality she can toggle on and off).

Gawyn sees her as playing a role, when in reality she is that role. And you know what they say: if you love someone you have to accept them for who they are. Or something like that. I wouldn’t know.

“I accept you,” Gawyn said. “I do, Egwene.”

Oh, if saying it made it so.

“But isn’t it important to have people who know you for yourself and not the title?”

Yes. Critically so. But you’re still missing a key part of that: it’s important to have people who know her for herself, but who also understand the title, and understand the necessity of it, and what it means for her.

Like Nynaeve and Elayne: they accept her authority as Amyrlin, and know that when she gives them commands as Amrylin to Aes Sedai, it doesn’t impinge on their friendship. And they also know that there are times to be her friend, and times not to be.

It’s about balance: the point of having people who know her for herself is to have an anchor, a steadying force. But Gawyn doesn’t see the balance; he’s just looking at a single part of her and trying to make that into the whole.

And again: it’s not easy! This is not going to be a simple relationship to navigate! But it’s not going to work if he can’t respect her day job that actually demands quite a lot of her and is sort of a little bit important and sometimes means he’s going to have to take a step back and let her be Amyrlin.

Right now, though, he’s still acting as if… as if he knows better. Which has kind of been the tone of their relationship all along, and is probably part of why it grates on me so much. He listens when he wants to, but as soon as he thinks he knows better he just ignores her. And so even this point he makes comes across as a form of entitlement: ‘play at Amyrlin, but I Know Better, so you should keep me around’.

(Also, how much does he really know her for herself? For one thing they never actually spent much time together, and for another he continually underestimates her, questions her judgement, sides against her because he doesn’t realise she’s not just a helpless child caught up in politics…I could go on).

Anyway. Point being: you still have to accept the title.

Her face softened. “You aren’t ready yet, Gawyn. I’m sorry.”

He set his jaw. Don’t overreact, he told himself. “Very well. Then, about the assassinations.”

Okay, credit where it’s due: this is exactly the right response.

Because this is, in effect, treating her like the Amyrlin. This is listening to her, much as he doesn’t like what he hears. Rather than pushing back again with hollow claims of accepting her, rather than saying ‘I am too ready’, he accepts, however grudgingly, the chastisement and also the framing of the conversation. She is speaking to him as Amyrlin, and so he pushes everything else aside and responds in kind.

Which is exactly the point she’s been trying to make, so… we’ll go ahead and call it progress.

And now he’s rewarded narratively by getting to make a point she apparently hasn’t considered: that there aren’t enough Warders given they’re heading into the Last Battle.

“The choosing and keeping of a Warder is a very personal and intimate decision. No woman should be forced to it.”

“Well,” Gawyn said, refusing to be intimidated, “the choice to go to war is very ‘personal’ and ‘intimate’ as well—yet all across the land, men are called into it. Sometimes, feelings aren’t as important as survival.”

I have…very mixed feelings on this particular argument, and kind of don’t want to go into that right now because I know a can of worms when I see one, but it sets my teeth on edge a bit.

I also don’t want Gawyn to get to score any points right now just because he managed to react the right way one time, but I can accept that this is, in fact, petty of me.

Egwene is less petty than I am and says she’ll consider it.

And I have to say, the two of them are actually navigating this whole conversation rather well. Gawyn’s trying his best to interact with her as the Amyrlin Seat, and Egwene, probably because of that, is answering his questions as much as she can. They’re establishing a working relationship, basically; they can work on their personal one next.

“You’re keeping secrets,” he said. “Not just from me. From the entire Tower.”

“Secrets are needed sometimes, Gawyn.”

“Can’t you trust me with them?” He hesitated. “I’m worried that the assassin will come for you, Egwene.”

Okay that’s toeing the line a bit, but again, he at least asks for her trust here now, rather than demanding it. Expresses his concerns, but in a way that feels more like open communication than like ‘I know best’.

And that earns him a measure of that trust, moments later:

“One of the Forsaken is in the White Tower.”

True, but I actually think Egwene is perhaps mistaken about her being the assassin. Which again annoys me because I’m petty and don’t want Gawyn to be right where she’s wrong, but hey at least I acknowledge it, right?

Point being, Gawyn, that you have to earn the trust you’re asking for, but you’re on the right track, and so you get a part of it.

And she even explains a bit of why she’s keeping it secret. This is the most openly and honestly these two have communicated with each other in… uh… ever. Round of applause.

Light, a Forsaken in the Tower seemed more plausible than Egwene being the Amyrlin Seat!

Damn it Gawyn, you were doing so well. This is the kind of thinking you need to train yourself out of. This is exactly what Egwene is referring to when she says you don’t accept her as Amyrlin. Yes, she was an unlikely appointee to that seat. Yes, she’s young and wasn’t even Aes Sedai when she was raised. Yes, it’s hard to believe. But you need to get past that now, because this just comes across as… incredibly condescending, honestly.

“For now, there is something I need of you.”

“If it is within my power, Egwene.” He took a step towards her. “You know that.”

“Is that so?” she asked dryly. “Very well. I want you to stop guarding my door at night.”

“What? Egwene, no!”

She shook her head. “You see? Your first reaction is to challenge me.”

“It  is the duty of a Warder to offer challenge, in private, where his Aes Sedai is concerned!” Hammar had taught him that.

“You are not my Warder, Gawyn.”

That brought him up short.

YES. GOOD.

It is… a rather excellent demonstration of her point. They’ve made some progress here, but this… she makes an open request and he immediately promises anything in his power. But then, Gawyn’s made other promises before, and doesn’t exactly have a perfect track record of keeping them, when it comes down to it.

What he means is: ‘if it is within my power, and if I want to’.

His challenging of her request is almost secondary; the real issue here is that he says one thing (‘if it is within my power’) but immediately shows that he doesn’t actually mean it. Just as he says he accepts her as Amyrlin, but when it comes down to it, he still doesn’t. And that’s the part that erodes trust; that’s the part that means he’s not ready.

A challenge to that request—or perhaps a question as to why she’s asking it—is not completely out of line here. Like, leaving aside the question of whether or not Egwene needs a guard, or of whether he should get to guard her door when she hasn’t actually asked him to, if he hadn’t promised blindly to do whatever she asks, it would be more or less fair to ask why, before agreeing.

But he doesn’t. He makes that empty promise—so like his empty words that he does accept her as Amyrlin, really, I swear—and then immediately goes back on it. Shows that he’ll only actually listen to her when it suits him, and that he still thinks he’s free to do whatever the fuck he wants when he thinks He Knows Better. That he doesn’t actually trust her, or listen to her, when he doesn’t want to.

Turns out Egwene is literally setting herself up as bait, hence not wanting a guard. And again, challenging her on that is, I think, fair. It’s a pretty big risk! It is arguably kind of reckless! And that’s the sort of thing he could and should be able to do as someone who (supposedly) knows her as more than just Amyrlin: say ‘are you sure’ and ‘I don’t like this’.

That’s not the problem. The problem is that he doesn’t approach it that way at all: he approaches it with a blank-cheque promise that he then pulls back as soon as he realises what she’s actually asking, because in his view he only needs to listen to her when he wants to.

It's not a good look, Gawyn.

“Exposing myself is only one of my plans—and you are right, it is dangerous. But my precautions have been extensive.”

“I don’t like it at all.”

“Your approval is not required.” She eyed him. “You will have to trust me.”

“I do trust you,” he said.

“All I ask is that you show it for once.”

That’s pretty much it. It’s easy to say ‘I trust you’ or ‘I accept you’ or ‘anything within my power’. But those words have to mean something, and unfortunately he’s shown that they don’t. And so in this case she needs to see that he can obey her as Amyrlin, because this is a plan she is making as Amyrlin.

And Gawyn, you’d probably be better able to protect her if you demonstrated that trust once in a while, because then she’d know she can let you in on her plans without worrying about you going rogue and doing something against them. Then she’d know she can actually rely on you. Then your challenges – if you’re no longer challenging everything she says – would probably carry more weight, because she’d know they’re not just coming from a place of ‘I know better and I’m not listening’.

Well. They’ll get there. Maybe.

***

Over to Egwene now, which means I have to deal with the fact that she does actually like him and feels emotions and things when he’s around. Why, Egwene? Why?

That passion of his was entrancing

Trust me, it’s vastly overrated.

And it was important that she have people she could rely upon to contradict her, in private. People who knew her as Egwene, rather than the Amyrlin.

But Gawyn was too loose, too untrusting, yet.

That’s kind of what I was getting at. Because it is sort of ironic: he wants to be let into her confidence and be able to protect her and challenge her—and they’re both right that she needs people to do that! But she has to be able to trust him, and has to know that he understands her and her role, in order for him to be able to do that in a meaningful way. She has to know that it’s not just him refusing to listen, or not understanding what her role as Amyrlin actually demands of her. And has to know that she can trust his judgement when it comes down to it, and weigh up how he feels for her as Egwene vs what she needs as Amyrlin.

She looked over her letter to the new King of Tear, explaining that Rand was threatening to break the seals. Her plan to stop him would depend on her gathering support from people he trusted.

Ha. Speaking of trust. I am certain the placement of this is entirely intentional.

I’m still rather uneasy about this, but I also think there’s a decent chance that it’s not so far from what Rand actually expects or even wants. Because even if her intention right now is to ‘stop’ him, if she can get all the rulers behind her and get everyone to the right place at the right time…

But it could also go so badly. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those razor-edge kinds of moments, where the world hangs in the balance and the thing that will tip it one way or another is whether or not Egwene and Rand can in the end trust one another.

***

Oh hey it’s Graendal! Is this my reward for putting up with Gawyn? (For a certain definition of ‘putting up with’…)

Poor Graendal, having to make due with a mere cavern, in which she’s still managing to lounge on a silk chaise. I weep for you, really, I do.

Moridin stood inside his black stone palace.

YES! GOOD! MORIDIN!

Er. I mean. Oh no, scary, evil, bad. Listen, I love him.

“Aran’gar is dead, lost to us—and after the Great Lord transmigrated her soul the last time. One might think you are making a habit of this sort of thing, Graendal.”

THE CHOSEN DWINDLE, DEMANDRED. BECAUSE GRAENDAL FOUND A SNIPER RIFLE.

Anyway, whatever Moridin is here for, it’s not to play Graendal’s games. Sorry, Graendal; you’re good but he’s kind of… quite literally operating on an entirely different level here.

He’s a bit more…direct here than he usually is, and I can’t tell if that’s just Sanderson or if it’s because he’s bored of these petty games he has to play with the others and impatient with them and it’s time to move things into position for the ending so he doesn’t have time to deal with their bullshit. Probably a bit of both.

“Moridin, don’t you see? How will Lews Therin react to what he has done? Destroying an entire fortress, a miniature city of its own, with hundreds of occupants? Killing innocents to reach his goal? Will that sit easily within him?”

Moridin hesitated. No, he had not considered that.

But I wonder: did he?

Graendal is…not wrong, here, in what Natrin’s Barrow very nearly did to Rand. Did do, really; he was so close to the edge there at the end, repressing everything because if he allowed himself to feel the reality of it, it would break him. And so it drove him, ultimately, to Dragonmount, and nearly to destroying the world.

Graendal and Semirhage did their parts very, very well in that regard, even if Graendal is er… playing up how intentional it was on her side. It’s just that, at the last, Rand understood something deeper.

But how much of that whole process did Moridin himself feel? He and Rand are linked, after all, and I’m all but certain some of his existential despair crossed that link to Rand, so could he feel Rand’s suppression of emotions, and his anger and despair and everything else that threatened to overwhelm him? (Or is Moridin all too familiar with that, or simply too practiced at his own form of apathy, to even feel it as a difference?)

‘He must know pain of heart’, Moridin said; I don’t think he is as naïve here as Graendal seems to believe.

And still, I have to wonder if he felt anything, anything at all, of Rand’s remembrance of hope on Dragonmount. Or if, as the Betrayer of Hope, that is too far lost to him.

She could vaguely remember what it had been like, taking those first few steps towards the Shadow. Had she ever felt that foolish pain? Yes, unfortunately.

DAMN IT you can’t just TEASE me with things like this! That’s rude! It’s unfair! I need this story now! This is where I live! Turning points and the pain of them and your logic destroyed you, didn’t it and crossing thresholds that lead too far and losing yourself along the way but reforging something else until that loss no longer hurts and and and

But others of them had taken different paths to the Shadow, including Ishamael.

YOUR LOGIC DESTROYED YOU, DIDN’T IT.

CALLED FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF EVERYTHING.

BETRAYER OF HOPE.

(Did you betray hope or did it betray you).

I’m fine.

She could see the memories, so distant, in Moridin’s eyes. Once, she had not been sure who this man was, but now she was. The face was different, but the soul the same. Yes, he knew exactly what al’Thor was feeling.

Yeah. That. He… very much does, I think, and maybe even more so than you realise. (But if he can know the anguish why can he not know the hope—).

Also the face was different, but the soul the same is pretty and reminds me of men wear many names, many faces; different faces yet always the same man except that in this context there’s a sadness to it: as if that soul, that self, is something he cannot escape. Which, of course, seems to be exactly what Moridin himself believes: that so long as the Wheel turns, this is his fate. To be the Betrayer, the Shadow’s Champion, the one whose role is always to fight, always to oppose, and always to fall. The one for whom there is no hope except nothingness, and so that is his goal.

And it’s so close to Rand’s thoughts, there on Dragonmount just before that moment of epiphany. Why keep fighting, if all it means is another fight? What does it matter? It will only demand his soul and his self and his life over and over, and the Light’s victory only means another battle and the Shadow’s victory means annihilation so why even try?

Rand, in the end, has love and enough light to draw him back. The hint of a promise of a future that will come, even if he does not live to see it this time around. He has something – though he has had to struggle to see it – that he is fighting for. What is Moridin (Ishamael, Elan) fighting for? What does he have left to fight for? Nothing – for him there is nothing but darkness and despair and perhaps, if he is lucky, the nothingness of oblivion. For him there is no promise – and perhaps not even a memory – of Light. This is how he sees it, this is his role, and he does not see an alternative.

And so once again I have to wonder if he felt anything at all when Rand stood on Dragonmount and remembered the hope that Elan once betrayed. Perhaps not.

Sorry. I just. This is where I live and Moridin is a Situation for me and we all just have to accept that.

Anyway, Moridin may or may not be able to communicate – or at least be communicated to – directly by the Great Lord, so that’s a thing.

And Graendal’s going after Perrin now. Everyone’s set on a Perrin Aybara collision course this book, it would seem. Better get your levelling up done quickly, Perrin; she’s not exactly an easy opponent.

“He’s important,” Graendal said. “The prophecies—”

“I know the prophecies,” Moridin said softly.

Oh, and how. Knows them, knows—or certainly knows what he believes to be—his own role in them. And sees in them no way out, except the annihilation of everything.

Moridin’s not too confident in Graendal’s ability to take down Perrin.

And also has an entire storage unit full of objects of Power. That’s…interesting and terrifying, and I am keeping careful track of the mentioned inventory.

A dreamspike? That sounds…ominous, and also very much like something suited to a Perrin-centric storyline. So that should be fun.

It also comes with a very clear warning to not use it against Moridin or the others, and I’d recommend sticking to that advice, Graendal, because he will destroy you.

Then again, if he gets his way and you all achieve your victory, that will destroy you too. So, you know. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Oh and Slayer as well! Buy one object of power, get one wildcard villain free!

That voice of his… it sounded, just faintly, like that of the Great Lord.

Are his eyes on fire yet though?

But it would seem both Champions have well and truly been chosen, and invested with their power now. Rand can make crops grow with a thought and warp the air to light around him and hold a room in thrall; Moridin can speak with and almost as the Great Lord and wield the True Power and orchestrate annihilation.

“If you do succeed, the Great Lord will be pleased. Very pleased. That which has been granted you in sparseness will be heaped upon you in glory.”

She licked her dry lips. In front of her, Moridin’s expression grew distant.

Distant as those promises are empty, for I don’t think there will be any rewards or glory in the aftermath of a true success for the Great Lord. All that will remain is chaos, forever. And still, none of the Chosen but Moridin seem to quite…get that. Selfishness, Verin said, and it blinds them here.

(Which is not to say Moridin is free of that selfishness; I just think what he wants is…different).

Oh hey dark prophecies.

“They have long been known to me,” Moridin said softly, still studying the book. “But not to many others, not even the Chosen. The women and men who spoke these were isolated and held alone. The Light must never know of these words. We know of their prophecies, but they will never know all of ours.”

(But what do these prophecies say of you, Moridin? Or what do they demand?)

Interesting to have these referenced now, though, especially when we don’t actually get any of the actual text of them. Where do these come from? Are the like the Prophecies of the Light: true, but not always in the way they seem to mean, and not a guarantee but merely a possibility?

“But this…” she said, rereading the passage. “This says Aybara will die!”

“There can be many interpretations of any prophecy,” Moridin said. “But yes. This Foretelling promises that Aybara will die by our hand.”

Hm. Which of course immediately makes me think it absolutely does not promise that, but it’s a little annoying to have this as a kind of… supposed-to-be-ominous foreshadowing without actually having anything of the wording there to pick apart and see what it might really mean. That’s where the fun of a lot of the other prophecies and fortellings and viewings lies: in knowing it doesn’t always mean what the characters think it does, and trying to look at it from another angle.

Whereas here, all I can really say is ‘okay Perrin’s probably not going to die by their hand’ but I don’t get to have any reasoning or justification or ‘oh, maybe it means this’ other than ‘that doesn’t feel like where the story is going’.

Meh, oh well.

Next (ToM ch 6) Previous (ToM ch 4)

[migleefulmoments]

Cassie: "Nonnie, I do get where you're coming from. I think C just realizes D is worth it and I do believe, in my heart of hearts, it won't always be this way." If your bf is choosing to live a fake life and expects you to just go along with it for X number of years, he is not worth it. I don't care if he is Darren Criss or any other attractive famous man, no person on Earth is worth the heartache that ccChris has probably been through whilst watching his "hubby" constantly choose fame over him.

Cassie’s answer really blew me away. She’s has chugged down all of Abby’s Kool-Aid and she’s fully buying into Abby’s juvenile ideas about relationships, sacrificing for love, and the power of love. THE 5 have clearly read Twilight one too many times! Everything they know about love, they learned from Bella and Edward who taught them with the idea that love is all-consuming, that there is no sacrifice that is too much as long as he loves you, and that in the end, happily ever will save the day. 

You’re right, there are a lot of scenarios where love is not enough and you have to walk away for your own mental or emotional well being. Sometimes it is an abusive partner making bad ccchoices and sometimes it is a wonderful partner whose future no longer looks like yours. One of my favorite Youtubers just announced she split with her husband 2 years ago and kept it a secret- even wearing her rings in the first half of this video! They broke up simply because they reached a point where they realized there was a fundamental difference in what they each wanted in life and the relationship couldn’t go forward (she wouldn’t say what that was). My husband’s cousin got divorced after her husband realized he wanted to be a dad and she wasn’t interested in children. Another YouTuber I watch called off their engagement after they realized she wanted a picket fence on a cul-de-sac and he wanted to a cave in the middle of nowhere (he was dead serious).  Their goals were incompatible and asking one to compromise wasn’t fair or healthy. ccDarren chose fame over ccChris and their relationship. ccDarren is unwilling to risk his position in Hollywood in order to openly love ccChris. He is so caught up in being THE actor, musician, and executive producer Darren Criss, that he married a woman he despises and spends all his time with her. She enjoys the lifestyle his fame has provided for him while ccChris has to hide in the rafters and scurry around ccDarren’s life completely unseen. ccDarren is incapable -or unwilling -to rid himself of his toxic team whose main goal is to “ccruin him” and by extension, ccChris. I don’t believe that the same man who gave this interview would choose to stay in a relationship where his feelings and needs always come second to ccDarren’s career.  Spending 1:00 am-7:00 am spooning the night away is hardly compensation for having to keep their relationship hidden and standing by while his lover lives his life with another person. Scurring in the dark and in disguise certainly isn’t enough to keep a relationship alive and healthy for 10 years.

(My comments are in italics below)

************************************************************************************************ 

Anonymous asked: I love Cc, but I just can’t imagine C agreeing with all this and if he did, my heart still hurts for him.

cassie1022 answered: Nonnie, you’re more than entitled to your opinion. I, respectfully, disagree. C is not a victim in all of this. He made a conscious and willing decision to stand with D. He’s just as culpable in all of this as D is and he’s tried to show that on more than one occasion. I’m not heartbroken for C and I don’t think he would want us to be. At the end of the day, he has a love most people only dream about. Many people perceive C as being the more fragile of the two, and I think that’s a grave mistake. C’s the glue that holds them together. He’s always had to fend for himself and the world wasn’t always kind to him. D grew up in this seemingly perfect little world where he trusted everyone and thought people were mostly good and that’s part of why he’s in this situation. (Cassie et. al believe that love makes it all ok and that ccChris chose to stay so making him as culpable as ccDarren. It’s an interesting theory- basically, she’s saying that anyone who is an abusive relationship is culpable for the abuse because they chose to stay in the relationship. This is a dangerous and harmful belief because it ignores all of the barriers that keep people in abusive relationships- lack of money, lack of a safe place to go, fearing for their lives if they leave, low self-esteem from the abuse-to name just a few. I realize that Cassie is just turning ccChris staying in an abusive relationship into ccconfirmation bias, but she’s speaking to a lot of young people who don’t understand that and are learning that they should always stay because love makes everything ok.  “At the end of the day, he has a love most people only dream about.” Besides the fact that that kind of love exists in fanfiction and Twilight, I am gobsmacked that a middle-aged adult would imagine she knows this about Chris Colfer’s love life. The most Chris has ever said about his love life is to say tell a young fan that his dedication was to his boyfriend, to acknowledge to Andy Cohen that he had a boyfriend, and to acknowledge to Sandra Bernhart that Will was his boyfriend. Oh, and he said several times that he was not in a relationship with Darren. To believe he has a “love that most people only dream about” she would have to fabricate every detail single details she thinks she knows.  That is not the behavior of a healthy adult.   Big strong ccChris who went through hell and came out so strong that nothing touches him now. He’s the “glue that holds them together” and the “Captain of the ship” even though he’s literally being ignored while ccDarren lives a very full life with Mia by his side. Poor widdle, innocent ccDarren who grew up wealthy and since wealthy people live perfect lives and everyone around them is kind, he never learned who to trust. Gag)  

flowersintheattic254 You only have to watch the impact theory interview to see what drives C. C is strong and he stands up for those who are marginalized. C is tough and stronger than people give home credit for and he’s loyal too. (See the video and my transcript below. Notice that Chris never mentions his love life in any of the statements that Flowers believes are 100% about his relationships) 

notes-from-nowhere:

I agree with @flowersintheattic254. This is such a good interview

Anonymous asked: I guess it makes sense that C’s the rock. I guess it’s just me thinking that since C’s out and proud, he deserves the same from his partner. But as you said, D was too trusting and I guess C is his strength, keeping him from giving up on everything shitty he’s going through. (Such a good little minion, repeating everything she’s groomed to believe) 

Cassie: Nonnie, I do get where you’re coming from. I think C just realizes D is worth it and I do believe, in my heart of hearts, it won’t always be this way.

**************************************************

I listened to Chris’s interview and he was asked about ambition:

Chris: ... I was really good at playing that character (Kurt).  People really do think I was playing myself and although we were experiencing very very similar things, I was very different from that character.  I was much more cynical than that character.

Tom: In fact, I am glad you brought that up. I heard in an interview someone asked you if you were a character in Game of Thrones and you said ‘I want to say that I would be the Mother of Dragons but I think I am actually Cersei’. 

Chris: I‘m sorry but she is a woman who knows what she wants and she goes out and she gets it. Her methods-her strategy- is a little questionable but I just love any woman with a drive. I remember when I was in my senior year of high school I was chosen to put on my own show. It’s called the senior show.  Every year one senior in the drama class got selected to basically put on whatever they want and usually they would put on an SNL-type variety sketch kind of show, but I was like “Nope I’m writing a musical” and I gender-reversed Sweeny Todd and called it Shirley Todd so I could be Mrs. Lovett so I was Mr. Lovett.  Because we were all seniors, no one wanted to do it and I ended up blackmailing all of them to be in it.  It was a great show. 

Tom: Walk me through how that drive and ambition has manifested in your life. Is that something you value in yourself? Is that something that you’re skeptical of in yourself because when you answer that question- and I fully understand that was a little tongue-in-cheek, but when you say “I fear that I’m actually Cersei” is there part of you that is very cognizant that there is a line that you can cross with drive and ambition or...

Chris: Oh I think so, I think that ambition is so much a part of who I am-maybe to a fault- but I’ve never got to the point where I was so ambitions that I was causing harm. I think growing up, ambition and hope and goals and dreams was literally all that I had. My family didn’t have money and I wasn’t good looking and I wasn’t athletic, I could act and I could sing, I could write but there aren’t many areas for you to do that when you are a young person- at least when I was a young person they weren’t. So I think my ambition sort of just became my imaginary friend. It was a survival tool, it wasn’t narcissism, it was survival. 

Tom: In that, I can be somewhere else, I can be bigger than this, I can go places was that the sort of your savor mechanism?

Chris: Yeah, I think it was  Making a treasure map to a life that was better than what the life I was in currently. That is what it was for me.  Hence, why I also identify so much with fantasy and superheroes and Greek mythology and literature it was all part of ...yeah, I always use fictitious people as my examples of getting somewhere.

---------

Chris: To go back to what you said about bullying, I’m in a weird place right now because I played a bullied kid on national television, you know for 20 million people a week watched me get pushed into lockers and thrown on floors and called “a faggot” called “queer”... all these negative things and I experienced all that myself in real life.  I really let people know that was one of the reasons why people connected to my performance because it was coming from such a real place and I let people know i was bullied horribly when I was a kid. I was bullied so horribly in middle school that my mom pulled me out of school and homeschooled me because the harassment got so severe.  But I’m at his weird place right now that I feel like I’m so not a victim anymore ...that I kind of- maybe it’s my ego- I don’t know, but I get tired of being associated with someone who is bullied because I don’t allow that to happen anymore. At all! I’m proud of where I’m at now because the minute I see someone who tries to take advantage of me or isn’t kind... I have the option to walk away now- which I didn't when I was a kid. But I feel like I have to stop talking about it because I’ve told millions and millions of kids around the world that it is something you get to leave behind.  Because of my circumstances, I don’t get to leave it behind because I’m always asked about it and it’s a good thing to talk about because it’s still going on but as a certain point, I feel like I’m doing the kids who look up to me a disservice when I keep talking about it becuase it does-maybe for them-  seem like it doesn’t leave me. Does that make sense?

Tom: If this was the last words that you speak on the subject of being bullied what would you say that was your process to close that chapter.. to feel good about yourself.  I’m definitely putting words in your mouth, being born in some way where that is not who you are anymore? 

Chris: It is really about just knowing that you get to move on from it. That is the thing... adolescence is the toughest time in your life because you have no freedom but you have all this responsibility. You are expected to make adult decision but you don’t get the benefits of being an adult and you’re literally trapped in an environment- high school- unless you are homeschooled. You have no control of who you are around and probably the lesson or the bridge that I crossed in my life that has given me the most relief is knowing that I don’t have to be in any environment that I do not want to be in. I think that would be the message that I would give to kids who are being bullied. But also the world is full of assholes. Bullies, they do go away at a certain point, but there will always be people in your life that you don’t like, that are mean and rude and when you do go through a period of harassment- especially when you are young- you do learn how to overcome that and how to maybe have inner peace but you can’t ever control the world around you but you do learn a lot of good communications skills. I think. 

Chris makes it very clear that he is NOT Kurt

Chris identifies with a character who knows what she wants and goes out and gets it. That is very different from ccChris who is sitting back and accepting that he is not a priority for 10 years and counting. 

Ambition and drive are very important to Chris- ccChris is allowing Darren to drive the relationship.  Darren is getting everything he wants while Chris continues to make all of the sacrifices.  

Chris is adamant that he will not be bullied every again and that he will wake away from anyone taking advantage of him. The cc fandom heard this and saw it as confirmation bias because he is still in a ccrelationship with ccDarren aka he doesn’t see the relationship as being abusive or that he’s being taken advantage of therefore ccChris just confirmed CrissCofler is real and that ccChris is in control. 

The final paragraph is once again confirmation bias- Chris no longer has to be in an environment he doesn’t want to be in- hence he’s happy with ccDarren. By saying that people are still assholes, he confirmed that Ryan Murphy, Mia and Darren’s team are all assholes but he’s in control now and it doesn’t let them ruin his life.. 

[dramioneasks]

HP FESTS: KyoDreamsFests

In Another Life 2018:

Land and Leaf by In_Dreams - T, 3 chapters - As the crown prince of the faerie realm of Timbervale, Draco is used to expectations. But he wasn't expecting a visitor to the realm to turn his life upside down. Dramione High Fantasy AU.

Treasures Untold by CourtingInsanity - E, 2 chapters - Draco Malfoy finds himself shipwrecked and injured in the hands of a less-than-thrilled Hermione Granger. The deserted island may not be large enough to house both of their egos, or the inevitable weight of their building sexual tension.

Kukulkan by I_was_BOTWP - T, one-shot - A drought has wreaked havoc on their land and their way of life. As the rulers and priests push their society to the brink with ever-escalating demands for sacrifices in order to appease the gods, a young woman questions the very foundations of her people's beliefs. Alternate Universe Dramione - takes place as the Mayan civilization in and around Chichen Itza begins to crumble (circa 1000CE).

Wild Mountain Thyme by frecklesandbroomsticks - T, one-shot - In 17th century Scotland, two head-strong magic users compete to win a coveted spot on the high council.Alternately known as that one time Hermione and Draco engaged in a vicious battle for supremacy, nearly destroying the castle in their determination to reign victorious over the other.Thanks to RoryEgg for being amazingly supportive and helpful with this. She is the bee's knees.Title taken from "Wild Mountain Thyme." My favorite is an instrumental version by Edward Gerhard and is what I listened to on repeat while writing.

The Adventures of Hermione & Draco by Frumpologist - T, one-shot -Hermione Granger is forever at odds with her annoyingly handsome coworker, Draco Malfoy. If their frenemies relationship isn’t enough already, Malfoy is up for a prestigious award at work that Hermione has been busting her arse to win. Her very career rests on the next story she covers and she’s determined to unmask the long-hidden identity of their local neighborhood superhero, The Dragon.

Return by mhcalamas - T, 5 chapters - It might not be much, but her family is proud of their periodical publishing house. There’s no way Hermione Granger will let The Daily Telegraph force them out, but she might need a benefactor to fight them off. A tale of Fate, loss and love.

Coldfire by RoryEgg - not rated, one-shot - Hermione needs to get across the shores. She's had visions of the Iceman, and knows that he is destined to die there unless she follows him there and keeps him from being murdered. DRAMIONE VIKING AU

The Making of Draco Malfoy: Love, War, & Marzipan by bionically - G, 5 chapters - Meet the Honourable Mr. Draco Malfoy, rich, entitled, and bored, and the adventures that just might turn him into a reluctant hero. Regency England AU featuring the Napoleonic Wars.

Rejecting the Gods by slytherindramaqueen - T, one-shot - Hermione, the kingdom’s princess, starts to show signs of magical abilities. The royal sorcerer, Lucius Malfoy isn’t keen to teach her, but his son Draco, being discovered as a magic practitioner himself, is about to begin lessons of his own.

Hootin by MykEsprit - T, one-shot - For generations, the Malfoys and the Grangers have been fighting over the village of Hootin. With the death of Lord Granger and with Lord Malfoy being away at war, it is up to their heirs to end the feud.

Sky of Dragons by BoredRavenvlaw620 - G, one-shot - Life as a king’s knight is a pretty cushy affair, until a neighboring kingdom introduces dragons into their army. Maybe it’s time to get out. Written for the In Another Life Fest.

To the Stars By Hard Ways by Maloreiy - T, WIP - Captain Hermione Granger and the Gryffindor crew of the Fortuna Major have been assigned a very special intergalactic mission. Unfortunately, that mission comes along with the company of some Slytherin officers, including the massively irritating blond git known as Commander Draco Malfoy.

Unraveling by DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns - T, one-shot - Unraveling someone's mindset was serious business. Was it too late to change her mind?

The Sight Of A Warrior by Rosella_Burgundy - M, WIP - Viking AU: All young Vikings are taught the stories of Norse history. But what happens when a young pair stumble into an epic situation of their own?

Forge by Hystaracal - not rated, 7 chapters - In the aftermath of a cataclysmic new regime, Draco and Hermione traverse the distance between persecution and revolution.

The Price of Freedom by Kyonomiko - T, 3 chapters - Near death and fear bring the lost Malfoy heir to England. Lady Hermione Granger makes it almost painful to stay.

'Even Though I'm a Thief and Pirate' by fandomfairytales - E, 7 chapters - Port Royal, Jamaica, 1687 is a harsh place for those who do not agree with the fact of life that is the slave trade. Plantation owners treat men like cattle and those who find it barbaric are forced to accept there is little they can do to change it.Hermione Granger, a healer by trade, simply cannot sit idly by while good people suffer under the orders of men like Lucius Malfoy, or his lackeys; so she hatches a plan, to spirit as many as she can to safety in the dead of night.Naturally, things do not go according to plan and on the path to escape, she commits her first act of piracy; simultaneously losing and stealing a heart during a fortunate encounter with Draco Malfoy, heir to his father's fortune but perhaps not his views. Magic, Mythology and the Wizarding world cast; fused with the classic film Captain Blood (1935). Plenty of romance and adventure on the high seas with villainous pirates and mystical sea creatures making mischief for our intrepid couple & crew.

Regarding Jane by Pronunciation_Hermy_One - M, 2 chapters - AU: Hermione Longbottom nee Granger barely escaped the life of crime she was born into as the daughter of the head of the Granger Family, finding protection with Neville Longbottom, the only family more powerful. But when her husband is murdered and all fingers point toward her, can a face from the past she thought long gone save them both? 

Submerged by crochetaway - M, one-shot - Hermione Granger is excited to finally meet with the leader of the Mermish population in the English Channel. But when she gets down there, everything goes wrong. Who will she discover when she's down there? And what will she do to get back home?

Cherchez La Femme by Felgia_Starr - M, 3 chapters - Draco attempts to move on after a terrible tragedy. He ignores his father’s letters from France and travels to the States. He claims he wants to start a new, normal life with a new, normal identity, far away from all the guns and gangs his father has put him in, so why does he choose to go to Chicago of all places?

Stranded or Why is it so F****** Cold on this Planet? by savedprincess85 - T, one-shot - Future Space AU/No Magic: Draco and Hermione crash into a planet, injured, and a snowstorm is brewing. What happens while waiting for it to pass? Read and Find out! :)

A Touch That Never Hurts by JuweWright - T, 7 chapters - When Draco Malfoy, a gentleman in Victorian London, finds he has a half-sister, he decides to take her into his custody. To make the move easier for little Livia, one of the workers from the orphanage, a young woman called Hermione Granger, finds herself as the child's companion. But Miss Granger isn't just any girl and Mr Malfoy isn't just any gentleman...

To Live and Die in LA by IRisEaGLeS - T, 11 chapters - Film Noir AU. With the death of his partner, Draco Malfoy is forced into a world previously unknown to him - something dark and sinister lay underground. Something that only a mysterious dame can show him and bring in the light.

Heart of Winter by Prisioux - E, 3 chapters -  A cold that froze the Wizarding World and a tragedy that took their children... Hermione and Draco, despite their past, joined Harry and Luna on a suicide mission in hopes of saving their world - but will they survive long enough to see Spring come again ? Prompt: Ice Age.

It Beats For You by CordeliaOllivander - G, one-shot - Princess Hermione Granger has two choices for a husband, and she wants neither one. Her heart wants Draco, the only one she's ever felt herself around, but being from a rival King's kingdom makes it impossible for her to be with him.Draco Malfoy has loved her since the moment they met. When his mother sent him away to live with Sirius Black to avoid their evil King, Draco never imagined a happy life. Now, he has everything he wants, except for her.Will Hermione follow her heart and chose Draco, or will she honor her Father's wishes and marry the one he chose?

Of Monsters and Men by MrsRen - M, 6 chapters - Following the grisly discovery that London is being haunted by a serial killer, Hermione Granger finds herself with a stalker that blurs the line between reality and horror. Draco Malfoy is assigned to protect her, but with every twist and turn, she wonders if fate will let her out alive.

The Light in the Grey by chefke - E, 3 chapters - After the death of her parents, Hermione Granger is now a lowly peasant at the mercy of the Church. When they discover her Wiccan secret, what will she do to stay alive and will it be enough to save her from the grey-eyed monster intent on ravishing her?

This fest is ongoing.

[talesofealdancynedom]

Morgan and Emilia’s family portrait; things escalate quickly when magic is involved.

Familiars and fairy robes not included. From Left to Right: Cadence, Morgan, Calliope, Emilia, Patrick, and Artemis.

Tale 18: Patrick Monabellan & the Paladins (chapter 4 - Take Me 4/4) part 3. Stories of True Love

none

Patrick put his feet up on the raw wood table, holding up empty tin tea ware and mead cups. Holly was holding on to consciousness, as his warmth, and the still evening, made her sleepy. Patrick continued his story, where he left off:

The reason father never took our family out much, was because his attempts at letting his children not be mages, if they chose, was futile. Like he knew we would all live in magic forests like him someday. Subjected to the same treatment wizards gave mages and fey, as him and his friends. Yet, father wanted us to have choices and chances, like he didn’t when he was our age. Father let all four of his children know what life outside a magic forest for a mage; and what many people think of old magic. Everyone in Pepperidge told us about the terrible acts wizards committed out of fear; not to dissimilar to scared fey. I was informed as to why: For some reason, once commoners had magic, they deemed us unnecessary. Perhaps, it was because mages were once forced into war against our peaceful nature, and have invincible fairy robes. Or maybe it’s our incredible abilities to heal, conjure, create mythical arms, and befriend fey as grand as dragons and royal wolves. These wizards have malice and hate, as they do not know and feel magic the same way. they are inspired by its wonder, and some, it’s power. To be rich, have clean water, make fire, and silk, with just a diagram or wand. But mages can do those things like breathing. wizards are ungrateful and hateful towards the very people born with a different sort of talent, who gave them their the ability to love magic alongside mages.

But those were just tales from historical books. My family lived on, and loved, Tiberius Gate too much to imagine any other life. The wizards were as kind as fey there; making father’s warnings but wives tales. The choice was nice though. I must say, here in Grand Snow, you know better; mages are too peaceful and enthralled in magic to feel malice, or dream of using it as a weapon. Father fought for the world to see mages as we are; and succeeded for the most part. Yet, he was still protective of us. He had seen and read too much of the ways of common folk. It would appear mages fear wizards as much as they feared us. The fact someone might hurt his friends and family, gave Father a lot of anxiety. More then the perils he might hiself.

Father was already a very anxious person; diagnosed with many things I believe. He didn’t talk about treatment much. At the time, Father’s catastrophizing only made him jitter more as the trip progressed. He held up remarkably well. I, as a child, had forgotten to consider father’s emotions and fears about my safety. That night I snuck out of the hotel, in a big city for the first time, I was in a state of awe in the presence of a paladin. I got caught in the chase. Thus, I was so disappointed when the paladins arrested me. When I said who my father was, in hopes they would take me back to my parents, they became panicked and took me to the nearest magic security office. I protested like an entitled child, by bragging that I was a mage paladin in training. They didn’t care; they put Orion in the trunk. They put. My familiar. In the confined, dark, dirty, compartment behind a vehicle. That was so illegal; mistreating a familiar I mean…. I could feel myself losing respect.

Back at the inn, Cadence was as light sleeper, and eventually noticed I had run off. Usually, a family friend would take me in, and scold me; but the Capitol was huge, and had no familiar faces. Cadence swiftly reported my absence to our father, who used a bonding charm on his eagle familiar, Icarus, to search for me. My parents must have been so scared; their child, could be lost, kidnapped or dead. Even if father tried to calm his thoughts, he easily caved to his fears; when he had fear. I’ve seen father stay serene while wizards cast hex fire at him, and it washes of over his fairy robes like he was water proof. But other lives at stake; that’s what really scared him. In desperation, my father went to the magic security station to seek assistance. Icarus couldn’t find me, because I was inside the paladin’s car. Eagle eye’s views can’t see through rooves.

My father was a sweating exhausted mess, when he dashed in with Icarus on his shoulder. It took him a minute to see me in the main area. I had been there only a few minutes. I was sitting under a flickering light, in a disintegrating lobby’s plastic chair, brooding with a half full bag of contraband candy. I was hugging Orion. A familiar is honestly a best friend magic user’s make. They feel our emotions and sensations, and we feel theirs. There is nothing like hugging a familiar; it’s like hugging yourself in your time of need when you are most alone. I was crying silently, because I couldn’t believe the paladins were going to take me into government custody. I was bound in the car, with enchanted rope that burned, and they had threatened to use potions on me because I was ‘dangerous’. To me, that wasn’t something heroes do. It made me not want to be a paladin anymore. I wasn’t illegal contraband; I was a child who was lost. I only noticed father when I heard him run quickly to my aid.

“You scared me to death! Where were you?” he whispered.

“I don’t think I can be a paladin” I whimpered. “I met these ones, and they said mages can’t go to the academy, or work for the counsel. Because we’re dangerous. And they threatened me, and bound me, even though I’m innocent. They even put Orion in a cage. If being a paladin outside of the village means being mean, abusing magic, and threatening mages; I don’t want to be one. I don’t even want to imagine how they treat fey.” I said; beginning to sob. Surrounded by the safety and joy of magic, and the dream of using it for peace, I could not grasp the idea that I was dangerous and hated. Or that magic could be used to threaten and hurt people and fey.

“Am I dangerous dad? Are we dangerous?” I asked looking at him. He was kneeling to my level, whipping the tears off my face. He dove in, to embrace me and Orion.

“No Patrick, we’re not. their focusing on magic, and it’s not magic that’s bad, it’s the people who abuse it. However, people still don’t understand what mages do, because they whipped us out, and made nefarious legends about us. We protect, inform, study and aid people; like they do in their magical professions.” He said, He lifted me out of the chair and took my hand. “I warned you how different it is outside of Pepperidge, and I understand living in a small town, makes big things seem distant; I brought you here with me to see it safely. And I work hard, so you don’t have to experience things like this. I’m sorry. That said, you can’t just run off into a city at night; not even adults do that.” Father said.

“What am I going to do know?” I murmured, as he signed some papers.

“You should still follow your dreams. I’m not going to stop you, or control you like my parents did. And don’t let people like those corrupt paladins, tell you how to feel about the world. Lots of people did that to me, but I held on, and eventually I was in a safe place; I got a supportive home that let me follow my dreams. My dreams are to give you that; everyone that.” father sighed. “Now, no more running off at night ok? You’re not a paladin yet.” He snapped. He looked so tired. His voice sounded like it was filled with genuine sorrow; As if I had reminded him of something painful. It tapered with the crackle of justified anger.

Before me and my father left, the chief paladin approached us at the front desk. Father and son, with familiars, in pajamas, looking so pitifully sad his bias almost budged for a second.

“You must be Morgan Cynedom, this boy’s father I presume? We found him stalking us. Talented detective you’ve bred. Keep your kind away from the people of the Capitol. I don’t care about your lectures, or if our lead paladin is one of you; I can’t confirm you’re not a threat. Call me old fashioned. To think what he may have done to my men.” He scorned, gesturing at me. I was a quarter his size. Father stood up to confront him, glowing as if about to go dark in his rage. Which would have teleported us to the shadow veil, so bless he had years of therapy. But I had never seen him so livid.

“He’s eight. He hasn’t even been to magic school. There is no way a child could be of any caliber to damage anything. Particularly full-grown paladins. Mages or not. Look at him, he’s an adorable wolf puppy who was playing around in the streets for a game. We live in a small village that isn’t full of people like you. He didn’t know any better. I was scared sick, and not because of a predator, but because people like you are in this city.” He snapped. Father grabbed me by the hand again, and stormed out of the station. We jumped onto Icarus, and headed back to the inn.

I have never felt so guilty in my life. Paladins, who I aspired to be like, were bigots; and I had burdened my whole family. Just because I wanted to play a little game. But when I was riding Icarus that night, with my dad, I realized my embarrassing father was a hero; and he never left his library or fought dragons. Father loved me, and had done nothing but try to make me happy, and I neglected that. It made me want to be more like that kind of paladin; one that is unwavering, calm, and kind, in the face of threats. Someone that knows magic’s value, and appreciates it. I wanted to be a paladin that lives somewhere small, and doesn’t always need a sword or mystic rope to save people. There is more to being a magic protector then that.

It still felt like my dreams were destroyed. The innocent way I saw the world shattered; It felt like a big deal at the time. I think my parents could tell. I was not scolded as bad as I had thought I deserved. Instead, father asked if I wanted to sleep with him and mom that night. I was still small enough my dad could carry me into their room. Mother was on the bed in tears. She was not easy to break. I learned my lesson. My father handed me to her, and she rocked me in her arms. I had begun to settle, and cling to her. In the moment, I was unaware that what had happened to me was actually really scary.

“What happened honey?”  Mother asked.

“The paladins were bad men, and I’m too dangerous to be the kind of knight I want to be. They were so scary, mom. What if when I grow up, they’re right, and I am dangerous? Or I turn out like them? Dad say’s I shouldn’t give up, but I’m really sad.” I whispered, curling up between my parents under the bed.

“That’s too bad,” She said. “They just don’t know that you’d make an awesome addition to their pack. Even if your sad, you’ve learned something; what not to be like. As you said, you are still so young; I’m sure you can have more dreams, or even achieve that one. I had to adjust my life plans more times than I’d like to admit. Sometimes, things don’t turn out to be the way you imagined; but it turns out to be ok.” Mother whispered, turning off the lamp. Her comforting words rested my mind nearly enough to sleep. That was some genuinely good advice I’ve held onto. I had one last question for dad, he had all the answers;

“Dad, what is it called when a mage does what a paladin does?” I said nodding off. But he didn’t answer, because by then, we were asleep. The next morning, I answered it myself. Melida was a mage, and we all called her a paladin; because she was one. Amadeus was Paladin, and my dad was a seer, and Ouroboros is heartmann; just like the Wizards who do those jobs too, with their type of magic. There isn’t any difference at all. It wasn’t me; it was people who didn’t know that because of bedtime stories.

              Holly was almost asleep, nuzzling into Patrick’s tunic. He was falling asleep too; The story made him feel comfortable about being in Grand Snow again. He liked that he followed his parent’s advice.

“Mother didn’t give ups sleeping potions on the way home.” Patrick snickered.

“I don’t want to hear that one yet, I don’t think I’ll stay awake for It.” Holly said. She had wrapped her arms around him. “I like that you’re still that boy.” she added.

“How so?” He laughed.

“You got the job of your dreams, and didn’t give up. You’re a paladin; using your gifts well. Your eyes still sparkle at the sight of magic, even though you see it every day. Wandering the slopes for fun, even at night, like you always did. You are somewhere that isn’t quite what you imagined ten years ago, but that’s ok. I loved that story. I wonder if your father worries about you. Even when he knows your here.” She said. “maybe not. I think you’re wrong; he doesn’t sound like a dork at all. He sounds brave, smart, and kind.”

“I don’t think father worries either; we write. I visit through the Dragon Gate, which leads into the shadow veil where time and distance is meaningless. The door to my home in Tiberius Gate, is right there in the center of the magical either, for any mage to use. Though I’m not aloud too… Because I need to protect you.”  he whispered calmly. It felt good to be ok with how things turned out. It felt good to remember something that was bad, that is now beautiful and warm.

TABLE OF CONTENTS --->

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[lady-thor-foster]

A Little Too Much // Steve x Reader

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Inhuman!Reader, Clint Barton x Inhuman!Reader (platonic) Word Count: 2k+ Warning: Severe angst, mentions of self-harm (nothing explicit), brief mentions of torture at the hands of HYDRA (in passing, nothing too explicit), talks of depression, fluff, language. Please do not read this if you could possibly be squicked or triggered by any of the above.

Summary: Reader has never been one to talk about her pain with others, always opting to handle everything on her own. What happens when everything becomes too much to handle alone?

A/N: I’m choosing not to tag anyone in this because this story is incredibly personal and I needed to write in order to help me work through some things I’m dealing with. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading.

Inspiration: “A Little Too Much” ~ Shawn Mendes

“She would always tell herself she could do this, She would use no help it would be just fine, But when it got hard she would lose her focus, So take my hand and we'll be alright,

And she knew that she would be okay, So she didn't let it get in her way…”

“I’ve had worse,” you always said, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Steve was never sure if he should be proud or worried that you never revealed the true extent of your injuries after a mission. You were quiet, reserved. He’d never even heard you complain about anything. You were a damn fine agent, arguably one of the best he’d ever had the luxury of training with, but no one knew much about you beyond what was available in your file. To everyone else, you were just like their beloved Cap: A hero. Heroes never broke.

You were a master at keeping a titanium grip on your emotions. You were forced to learn at an early age that people rarely cared about how you were truly feeling, just how you made them feel. Gaining the ability to sense emotions and manipulate them after your Terrigenesis only served to further your distrust of other’s motives.  Your circle of trust was all but nonexistent. Beyond Clint, you had no one. Despite how often you were there for everyone else, how often you served as a ‘therapist’ for everyone else, you couldn’t remember the last time anyone was truly there for you. Was anyone ever truly there for you? Was anyone ever truly there for anyone?

So, you learned how to create your mask of emotional stability. You learned how to smile even when you were screaming in agony. You learned how to laugh despite the death you carried in your soul. You learned how to seem to care despite the hollowness of your heart. You learned how to be what everyone expected of you despite the cost to you. It was the only way you knew how to survive.

Even when you’d been taken by HYDRA, nothing they concocted could ever match the misery you’d spent your whole life living with. Even when they shattered every bone in your legs, you never screamed. Even after three impossibly long weeks suffering at the cruel hands of your physical tormentors, you never even shed a tear. It’s impossible to break what had already been shattered.  

Steve knew. Steve recognized the façade you wore because it was one he wore himself. Steve could see the anguish in your eyes despite the blinding smile on your face. Steve could hear the echoing screams of undiluted distress behind your voice every time you laughed. Steve could see you. You didn’t believe anyone would notice, but Steve could see you.

He didn’t know how he could approach you. No one, other than Clint (and that was just barely), knew you outside of your sterling reputation. No one knew the person behind the name. He longed to someone you could trust further than a partner on a mission. He longed to help you realize you weren’t as alone as your mind made you believe. He longed to give you the love you were long overdue to receive. You kept yourself guarded better than any fortress he’d ever seen. God be willing, he hoped one day you’d choose to let him behind your walls and maybe, just maybe, into your heart.

When the Avengers rescued you from your captors, you were the living embodiment of numbness for months. Naturally, everyone expected you to be sullen and withdrawn after your ordeal so when you ‘bounced back’ rather quickly, Steve took notice. What should have taken you at the very least a year of recovery only took a handful of months. Sure, your innate accelerated healing gifted to you by your Kree ancestors helped you along, but even then, the rate of your recovery was unprecedented.

“Can you believe that [Y/n]? She’s a superhuman! She’s a real champion!” the agents said about you.

‘Champion’. That’s what they called you. [Y/n] [Y/l/n]. Code name: Champion. Your successes in the field, your rapid rise through the ranks, your reputation as an agent and a person meant people idolized you. They put you on a pedestal you could feel beneath the very ground you walked on. Living up to their expectations was more than stifling. You were drowning on land under the well-intended words of the people around you. But you could never let them see.

You never let them see how you fought your hardest to breathe unencumbered every time you closed your bedroom door behind you. You never let them see the silent sobs that racked your body as you succumbed against your will to the demons lashing your very soul in wicked amusement. You never let them hear the screams that ravaged your throat while you fought your monsters to just survive.  You never let them notice the scars that littered your body as you tried so fucking hard to get the malignant thoughts determined to make a permanent home in your mind to finally, finally give you some peace. You were their Champion. You were their knight who slayed the dragons and protected the kingdom. You were their light in the dark when the shadows decided it was time to play. You, like Steven Grant Rogers, were their Captain in a war you would never be free of. You could never let them see.

It was a strange sight to see Steve leaving small gifts at your door. Clint, the closest thing you had to a best friend, smiled to himself as he watched the large, yet surprisingly nimble man leave a small basket filled with snacks, comics and what he suspected to be a mix tape from his hideout. Could the good Captain have a crush? 

Clint waited semi anxiously for you to return from your meeting to see the gift Steve left. He too knew that you’d changed irrevocably after your rescue from HYDRA. He also knew that you’d never open up about it until you absolutely had no choice. So, he’d taken to keeping an eye on you from a far if you decided you needed someone to help you. You never knew, and he was okay with that.

To say that you were stunned to find a small gift basket lying in front of your suite door was the understatement of the century. You initially suspected Clint, but he was more prone to leaving ‘gifts’ attached to your wall via a well-placed arrow. It was his way of loving you from afar. Crouching down, you were shocked even further to see the patient scrawl on an envelope from your commanding officer: Steve Rogers. You picked the basket up gently and headed into your suite; a rare curiosity had taken root. Further inspection revealed 4 of your favorite snack bars (how did he even know?), the latest editions of a comic series you swore no one could have ever seen you read and a cassette tape entitled “When things are too much”. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes in surprise and gratitude. For the first time since you could ever remember, someone had made an effort to be kind to you without ulterior motives. It was such a foreign emotion, gratitude, that it actually took you several minutes to recognize what it was. Sliding the tape into your cassette player, you braced yourself for the praising words of your Captain. What you heard was completely unexpected.

“[Y/n]…uh, hi,” Steve stuttered, clearing his throat, “I’m not really sure how to go about this, actually. I would have told you in person, but you are a surprisingly hard person to pin down.” You chuckle softly at this; a self-defense mechanism developed in your early years.

“Anyway…the reason I’m making this tape is because I wanted to let you know that I want to be here for you. I want you to know that you’re not alone. I understand what you’re going through,” his voice continues. You scoff at his words. How could he understand?

“I know you’re probably rolling your eyes in that adorable way of yours, but it’s true. Not many people know the burden of being a hero like you and I do. Despite the kind words of grateful people, it’s hard to find a moment to breathe and just exist beyond the symbol they’ve turned you into.

It’s hard to be yourself when literally every single person around you is expecting you, pressuring you, to be some idealized version of yourself that you have to fight every damn day just to even reach. God, even when I’m alone at home in my underwear for crying out loud, I’m still goddamn Captain America. Now don’t get me wrong; I love being your Captain. I love protecting the people I care about but sometimes I just need a damn minute to just be Steve.

I know you know what it’s like to never be able to fail. I know you understand how impossible it is to be anything beyond your code name. Shit, I’m probably rambling by now, aren’t I? I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I understand. And if it ever gets to be too much, I’m here. I’m here, [Y/n] and I’m not going anywhere.” You could hear Steve fumbling with the buttons for a moment before the tape clicked off. At some point during his speech, you’d started crying. Relief flooded through your body when you felt the sheer sincerity in his words; he understood.

You should have put it together sooner, really. If anyone understood the burden of reputation and expectations, it was Steve Rogers. Your shoulders shook as you hugged your body in a feeble attempt to keep yourself together. His words echoing in your ears unlocked the floodgates you’d once firmly locked yourself behind. Falling to your knees, mournful sobs echoed through your suite. You couldn’t keep it contained anymore.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” you called out weakly.

“Yes, miss?” the A.I. replied softly.

“Get Steve, please.”

“Right away, miss.”

Steve was in the middle of a debriefing when F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerted him to your request. He didn’t even hesitate to put Director Fury aside to rush to your side.

“We’re not done with this, Rogers,” Fury stated, half annoyed and half concerned. He too recognized the signs of depression you exhibited. You never let it get in the way of your job so he never pressed you about it. He was no stranger to mental illness.

“I understand sir, but right now, someone more important needs me.”

“Fine. Go tend to her.” Before Fury had even clicked off the conference call, Steve was racing to you. A pit nestled in his stomach as every single one of his instincts screamed that you were in trouble. He hardly even noticed the people he narrowly missed crashing into during his frantic dash through the halls. He always wanted you to let him in, but not like this. Never like this.

As per your request, the A.I. allowed Steve access to your chambers the moment the showed up outside the door. He was pained to find you in a corner, curled into yourself, sobbing profusely.

“[Y/n],” he called gently. You lifted your head to see Steve crouched in front of you, palms out in an attempt to ease you into accepting his presence.

“I can’t do it anymore, Steve,” you murmured, “I can’t hold it together by myself anymore.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” You watched warily as he slowly inched closer to your huddled figured. He kept his eyes on yours, palms outstretched. It was almost like approaching a nervous animal.

“I’m not okay. I don’t think I’ve ever been okay.”

“I know darlin’. I know.”

“What’s wrong with me, Steve?”

“Absolutely nothing,” he assured you, “you just need a little help, that’s all.” He saw you stiffen when you noticed his hands were mere centimeters from yours. Freezing in place, he waited until you relaxed and met his eyes again.

“Will you help me?” you whispered.

“Sweetheart, I’ll do anything you ask me to,” he promised.

You weren’t sure if it was the sincerity in his voice or the tenderness he was unknowingly projecting, but you could feel the walls around your heart weaken. So you reached out for his outstretched hand, grasping firmly. Steve’s reassuring and comforting grip was a life raft to your hurricane. It was time to stop braving this storm alone. 

End.

[empresstress13]

OC Questions!!!

I was tagged by @dragynfox the wonderful! 

I’ve only talk a very little about any of my OC characters on here because I’m shy about them. The few mentions have been from Dragon Age and since that’s my current obsession it’s what will be appearing here as well! I kind of winged this - sorry if it seems disjointed!  

I’ll go ahead and start at the beginning with 2 of my wardens: Surana and Tabris - both originally inseparable troublemakers of the Denerim Alienage! Surana is my “canon” HoF . . . but I head-canon that Tabris manages to somehow survive everything and they manage to reunite in Denerim.

1. What is your name?

BT: *smiling sweetly* Beatrix Tabris! Bea to my friends and Death to my enemies, think 'bout which category you’d prefer to be in.  

NS: *does not look up from a large tome she’s reading*

2. No seriously, what is your name?

BT: *poking Surana*. . . . Nara. . . . NARA! 

NS: *still not looking up* What, Bea? 

BT: *rolls her eyes, before responding in a sing-song voice* civilized people introduce themselves! 

NS:*turning a page* well, since we’re just a dangerous elvhen mage and an impudent alienage thief then there is no point! 

BT:*snatches the tome before dancing out of NS’s reach* ah-ah-ah~! Be a dear and introduce yourself to our lovely new friends, won’t you?

NS: *raising a brow* well, if my lady of shadows insists! I am Nehnara. Nehnara Surana. *sends a minor shock at Beatrix, who gasps and drops the tome which Nehnara promptly picks up*

BT: Andraste’s flammable ass! Shite, that stings, you friggin’ piss-bucket! 

3. Do you know why you were called that?

NS: Presumably my parents were partial to the name. 

BT: *rubbing her side* since she sucks the joy out of things, her da thought they’d at least put some joy in her name . . . hmmmm, Nehn?

NS: My, my, my! Someone’s picked up some knowledge!

BT: See! Even outside of your fancy-pants circle we sometimes learn things! 

NS: *actually smiling* well . . .you were always a quick study. 

4. Are you single or taken?

BT: *with an innocent expression* Taken? Taken where?

NS: *snorts* Don’t be falsely obtuse. It doesn’t suit you; they would like to know about you and your chantry sister.

BT: You’re the one who introduced us! Besides, wouldn’t you rather speak of your pretty, witty crow?

NS: *smiles coyly* Are you asking for details?

BT: Admit it: you have a soft spot for us sneaky types!

NS: ...Perhaps. 

5. Do you have any abilities or powers?

NS: *cocks head* one could say so. . . . 

BT: HAH! And false Modesty doesn’t suit you! Prodigy of Kinloch Hold! Mage of the Circle! Hero of Ferelden! Commander of the Grey! Arlessa of Amarathi-

NS: That last one has nothing to do with abilities or power-

BT: Now you’re bein’ dull, sparky-fingers, political power totally-

NS: AND FURTHERMORE, considering the average Circle mage I very much doubt that’s much of a title to take pride i-

BT: Aaaaand now we see why false modesty doesn’t suit you, besides all that magic stuff seems plenty powerful to us normal folk. 

NS: “Us normal folk” from the Shadow of Denerim? Spymaster of Amarathine? The Dancing Blade? Slayer of evil shem lordlings who were never taught to keep their hands to themselves? 

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

BT: Mary what now? 

NS: . . . ? These questions are going from slightly annoying and inconvenient to downright inane. 

7. What is your eye color?

NS: . . . . absolutely INANE. 

BT: *flutters eyelashes* will you write me sonnets to my . . .what is the phrase? Cerulean orbs? 

8. How about your hair color?

NS: *sighs* My eyes are hazel. My hair is auburn. 

BT: She’s a ginger alright!

NS: AUBURN. 

BT: *winks* I’m a brunette. 

9. Have you any family members?

NS: . . . . inane and personal I see. 

BT: *gently placing a hand on Nehnara’s shoulder* It’s not uncommon to lose relatives to bigotry and harsh conditions . . . I’m lucky enough to still have my da and cousins . . . but we’ve all lost someone. 

NS: *glaring* Those who were mine just also happen to all be dead. That enough for you? Move on. 

10. I see… what about pets?

BT: C’mere girl!

NS: *whistles* Phaelan! 

*Two mabari war-hounds and several puppies come bounding towards the interviewer. . .I’d brace myself if I were you.*

NS: My hound imprinted on me during the Blight. Named Phaelan . . .aft. . .after my father. 

BT: *pulling Nehnara into cuddles with the mabari* And this is Blossom; Nara introduced me to her! As well as their pups: Linmi, Tulip, and Duncan!  

11. Tell me about something you don’t like.

NS: *deadpans* Inane questions. And those who ask them.

BT: *her smile suddenly turning sharp* Entitled little pricks. That sort usually finds they have very little good coming to ‘em. *smile returning to normal* Nara also dislikes onions and hot weather! 

NS: I do better with heat than I use to . . . I seem to recall that you dislike tomato juice. Not tomatoes, just the juice.

BT: ‘Cuz it’s gross! 

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

BT: I really enjoy music! Leliana has been teaching me how to play the lute! Oh! And since I’ve left Denerim I’ve taken to collecting and pressing flowers! 

NS: Actually, luckily enough, I do in fact enjoy the study of magic-

BT: And of history, and languages, and science, and politics, an-

NS: Yes, thank you for that insightful clarification. I’ve also been working with Bea on picking up by old slight of hand and lockpicking skills . . . 

BT: And then laughing as your lover fails to pick locks you could open with ease!

13. Ever hurt someone before?

*both start laughing*

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

BT: *still giggling* w. . wait. . . are you seriously asking that?

NS: *smirking and shaking her head* I’m the Warden Commander of Ferelden, and she’s my spymaster in Amarathine. . . what do you think? 

15. What kind of animal are you?

BT: *laughter cuts off abruptly* . . . beggin’ yer pardon; wot? 

NS: *snorts* The dangerous kind.

16. Name one of your worst habits.

BT: She has a tendency to be rude and grouchy. Also, she’s a slob. And she forget’s to eat or sleep! Swear I’m more of a caretaker than a spymaster! 

NS: She’s an obnoxious busybody. Probably why she makes such a good spymaster AND caretaker. Guess I’ll keep her around. 

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

BT: *points at Nehnara*

NS: *smacks her hand away* Stop that! . . . I suppose we’ve both done relatively well for ourselves besides everything this Maker forsaken world has thrown at us. 

BT: Honestly - and I think we’d both say this - we’ve been lucky enough to have been raised by pretty fantastic people. They had their flaws, but, without them we wouldn’t be who we are today. All respect to Cyrion, Adaia, Misyl, and Phaelan! 

NS: . . . well said. 

18. Sexual orientation?

BT: *winks* All are welcome! . . . well were welcome - rather not piss off Leli! 

NS: Why are you so interested in absolutely ridiculous trivia? I’m more interested in the person’s character than what’s between their legs. 

BT: Yeah, but you seem pretty attached to what’s between Zevran’s-

NS: Indeed. 

19. Do you go to school?

NS: . . . I was educated in Kinloch Hold, if that’s what you mean. Though I gained more knowledge from personal study in the libraries than from my teachers. . . . though to be fair there were several competent instructors.

BT: My mum taught me before she was killed. 

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids someday?

BT: ooooh! Maybe Leli and I can take in some of the orphans in Amaranthine! Get a big ol’ house, piss-off the shem neighbors-

NS: Your lover is in fact Human as well.

BT: -get a few more dogs and nugs-

NS: The dogs will eat Leliana’s nugs. 

BT: - train them up a bit -

NS: Are you speaking of the dogs, the nugs, or the children?

BT: Be one, big, cozy family! Well loved and protected! 

NS: *snorts* It sounds rather noisy and messy. Terrifying. 

21. What are you most afraid of?

NS: The child, dog, and nug infested house that Bea is apparently planning on inhabiting. 

BT: You faced demons and darkspawn and all manner of nastiness, and you’re telling me your afraid of a lil’ noise and mess? 

NS: From children or animals that you raise? Yes. 

22. What do you usually wear?

BT: Well, I do like a lil’ bit of pretty or shiny here and there, but overall I dress for practicality. Mistress Fancy-mage over here is the one who has a penchant for dressin’ up! 

NS: I do like fine things. I admit it. 

23. Do you love someone?

NS: . . . Did we not already cover this question? I suppose it is possible to be in a relationship without love, but I do in fact care quite deeply for Zevran. It may have taken awhile to sort things between us, but there you are. 

BT: I think you’re gettin’ better at this speakin’ on emotions thing.

NS: Shut it.

BT: I love my Leli very much! *side-hugs Nehnara* and I love this grump like the sister I never had! 

NS: *blushes* ugh. Yes, yes, I care for you too.

BT: Me, her, and Shianni use to create all sorts of mischief! Drove Soris right up the wall!

24. What class are you?

NS: . . . class? As in . . . what sort of mage I am? I’ll admit I’ve dabbled in different fields quite a bit, but I’m particularly skilled at Spirit and Entropy. I’ve also studied the ancient skills of an Arcane Warrior. 

BT: And she can turn into a spider! 

NS: *sighs* Yes. I also picked up some shape-shifting my Morrigan. 

BT: I never did get to really meet that bird. . . heh, bird. Leli’s been trying to teach me some bard skills!

25. How many friends do you have?

BT: Surprisingly lots! Nara tries to be anti-social, but somehow she just attracts them like flies! Guess what they say about vinegar and honey just ain’t true. 

NS: . . . I think you’re definition of “friend” may be off. Someone who you are acquainted with who hasn’t yet tried to kill you is not automatically a “friend”. 

BT: Of course not! You’ve got a very close friend who HAS tried to kill you after all! 

NS: Ugh. Besides we have plenty more enemies.

BT: Keeps things interesting!

26. Thoughts on pie?

BT: Berry filled pies are a bit of a weakness of mine! But Nara here-

NS: Please don’t start.

BT: Nara can put some pies AWAY. Sweet pies, savory pies, pies she just filched from the cart down the street! I grant you I don’t think she’s had to steal pies recently. . . 

NS: No. I haven’t. 

BT: It’s funny, for someone who can forget to eat AT mealtime, you sure do love your food! 

NS: As with clothing and finery - I do enjoy the finer things when it comes to food and drink . . . I’m just not great at time management. 

27. Favorite drink?

NS: Honey wine.

BT: Any wine! 

28. What’s your favorite place?

NS: Not Kinloch Hold. 

BT: pffffft!

NS: . . . I haven’t felt particularly attached to any location in a long time. There are some places I’d like to visit though. 

BT: Gettin’ your parent’s wanderlust are ya? 

29. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

NS: Lake. 

BT: Ha! Either! 

30. Are you interested in anyone?

NS: How many variations on this will you be asking? 

BT: This one does seem to becoming repetitive? Unless you mean like person of interest? Like under suspicion? There’s a list somewhere . .  . 

31. What’s your bra size?

BT: My what size? 

NS: Bra? . . . . Please ask sensical questions or let’s end this. 

32. Well, what’s your type?

NS: Oh for the love of . . . ! 

BT: Bwhahahahaha! 

33. And what attracts you?

BT: *still laughing* You are really curious, aren’t you? 

NS: *sighs* . . . Fine. Cleverness. Thoughtfulness. Adaptability. Flexibility. 

BT: *smirks* Flexiblity you say?

NS: Shut. It. 

BT: Hahaha! Someone I can have fun with is attractive to me. Someone who is caring as well. 

34. Any fetishes?

NS:Why do I even bother? How is this any of your business? 

BT: Ooooh! Well, Leli and I were just discussing this thing they apparently do in Orlai-

NS: Please don’t. 

BT: And I had a friend who worked at the Pearl who taught me how t-

NS: This is really more than I want to know. Does Cyrion know you were being taught skills from the Pearl? 

BT: Don’t see how that’s Da’s business! 

NS: *rolls eyes* Yes. I have fetishes. I have a very satisfactory sex life. I don’t see how it’s pertinent to this interview however. 

BT: You don’t want to tell us more about Zev’s flexibility?

NS: No. I don’t. 

BT: Hah! As for me, I’ll try almost anything once! Have a hard-limit on physical bondage though . . . 

35. Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive?

BT: *winks* I’m a switch. 

NS: I am not by nature a particularly submissive individual. That holds true in all aspects of my life. 

36. Camping indoor or outdoors?

NS: I believe that I’ve done enough outdoors camping to last a life time. Unfortunately I doubt it will end anytime soon.

BT: Both can be lots of fun in the right company! 

37. Are you wanting the quiz to end?

NS: Quite. If you will excuse us we’re both quite busy individuals. 

BT: *with a final wink and smirk* Catch you later! Don’t do anything that’ll have to knife you for! 

I’m not sure who has done this already, but I’ll tag @thema-sal-shiral, @wardsarefunctioning, @extravagantlies, @fadedforyou, @thranduilsausage, @elfsplaining, @circadian-rhythm, and @love-in-nature. If you’re already done this or don’t have the time feel free to skip! :)