#maybe i should write poetry instead of venting out loud | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

arimendoza · 5 years ago

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to the anon who asked this: It’s loving cedric diggory hours in my brain so I’d love to read you venting your headcanons about him?? What do you think about his childhood and family and friends and what happened to them after (because Cursed Child isn’t canon)

tumblr deleted ur ask RIGHT as i posted it and im so sorry i hope u still see this bc i love it so much thank u for giving me an excuse to write about my favorite character :(((

i have a lot of feelings about cedric diggory

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it’s always been one of my biggest headcanons that cedric is a slytherin secondary

we see him as being kind. he is kind. and good. and brave. but he’s also ambitious, driven, resourceful. cedric diggory is a strong leader. but his determination is a double-edged sword, and his ambition can become ruthless:

"i thought you were gonna let it get me." / "for a second there i thought the same."

so kind, yet with this underlying, almost desperate self preservation and ambition that he might not even realize isn't his

“he could have been anything.” but what does that mean? what did he want? or was he too busy thinking of what everyone else wanted?

because this is cedric diggory as we see him: composed, polite, the ideal and ultimate gentleman. intelligent, compassionate, reliable. powerful, intuitive, handsome. perfect.

but imagine, just imagine the intense pressure, the expectations, the constant delivery he feels he owes to people who perceive him as all those things, and then some.

this is largely because of how i see him growing up

amos diggory was nothing if not proud. so he did everything to transfer all that pride onto his only son:

private tutoring, gruelling flying lessons (all theory of course, though as soon as his father deemed him old enough, tested his natural instinct on a broom), and limited free time made for a clever boy, if not a lonely one

he didn’t see anyone outside of his immediate family much. they preferred to keep to themselves.

but he definitely saw all the other kids outside his bedroom window, laughing and playing and so free. sometimes he thinks about asking his dad if he could join them

but he can see the disappointed shake of the head, hear the “you were made for better things, my boy. greater things than playing pretend.”

and his mother, for all her kindness, he could never bring himself to ask. she never expressed direct expectations the way his father did. but cedric was clever. she didn’t have to say it out loud for him to know.

so he works. and perseveres. quietly and alone, until he goes to hogwarts

growing up, he wonders if perhaps playing pretend was all he was ever good at

he pretends his father is proud of him being sorted into hufflepuff

the letter he received was not scathing, but just had enough subtle disappointment in it that it crushed him.

he didn’t tell his father he was a hatstall. that he chose hufflepuff, in the end. in a way

“you’d do well in any house, you know. be anyone.” the hat had said

i just want to be myself.

“oh my dear boy. you don’t even know who that is yet”

he pretends he wants to be a Seeker.

also a fairly popular headcanon, but i do think cedric was aware he was not made to be one because of how he’s built, but did it because “Seekers get all the glory, son. and it’s always worth the glory, isn’t it?”

he becomes Seeker. he’s praised for his fast swerves. he tells no one how much pain it gives him to execute them. he practices day and night anyway

he becomes captain. it should make him happy, and he is. it makes his dad proud too, but his shoulders sag just a little lower as another weight is placed on them

he pretends he doesn’t care for art (“it’s silly, son. there are better things, more practical things.”)

but cedric loves poetry, the abstract. it’s why his favorite and best subject is charms

he meets a ravenclaw boy who likes to write poetry as well. they bumped into each other in the library in what was both their ‘favorite spot’

he plays quidditch too, thinks he has a shot at captain

cedric diggory and roger davies became fast friends

two sides of the same coin, really. handsome, intelligent, athletic. but a bit lonely, reserved. their silence is taken for cockiness, sometimes

the main difference? roger doesn’t much care for other people’s opinions. it’s where he and cedric clash, where most of their arguments stem from. but they do help each other grow because of it

he pretends he doesn’t need friends, but makes them anyway

his father always stressed the importance of good connections, for networking and all that. and even from a young age it was clear that cedric was charming. a natural silver-tongue. he could probably make people fall at his feet, should he have wanted.

but as much as cedric cared about his own reputation, he never much cared for status, and always saw the good in others. or tried to, at least

so he and roger became close. roger introduced him to cho chang. she was pretty, also reserved, also liked quidditch. seeker

he also grew close to hecate oakham and bhavana patel from his house. hecate was often alone, in her own head. she gave cedric fresh perspective and listened, always. he did his best to do the same.

bhavana liked spending time in the greenhouse. it’s also one of cedric’s go-to places to think, clear his head.

his father thought he could perhaps do better. cedric thinks he’s struck gold.

cedric loved his friends so much, and he thought then that this is the closest he’s ever felt to understanding, and being understood

although he could never fully drop the facade in front of them, he let them see him at his worst: his disappointment, his anger (when cedric is angry, he doesn’t show it, preferring to repress and then possibly write it out later. but when he’s angry, he’s angry, piercing. ruthless and relentless, words coming out in passionate outbursts, as if the air was crackling around him from wild magic. people would have called it uncharacteristic of him, but did they ever really know him well enough to think so?)

still, he would say these were the best friends he’s ever had. the best time he’s ever had. he was happy

and then he meets harry, properly, and he’s both elated and so, so afraid. he pretends it doesn’t matter.

(he pretends he wasn’t absolutely hit with guilt after winning that one match. first, because he felt like he didn’t deserve it. second, because people think he didn’t deserve it. that on any other day, his hard work would never amount to anything next to natural talent. third, because even after all of this, a part of him was still glad he ended up catching the snitch)

(he pretends he didn’t ask to see harry when he was at the hospital wing after that disastrous match with the dementors either)

he pretends he’s fearless. that he wants to join the tournament

he’s already a prefect. quidditch captain, on the way to head boy. why not eternal glory? it’s worth it, isn’t it? everyone thinks he could do it. everyone thinks he could win. everyone thinks he should

“you don’t have to, ced.” roger says.

“no, i do.”

he hopes the goblet doesn’t spew out his name. it does. he smiles, goes up. takes his place.

“good luck.” roger yells at him, concern in his eyes

he pretends he doesn’t know what their exchange really means

“dragons. that’s the first task.” i’m worried about you

“why are you telling me this?” worry about yourself, too

harry moves to leave. cedric pulls him back. harry stares at his hand. is this when you ask?

“the badges. i’ve asked them not to wear them.” are you okay? i care about you.

“don’t worry about it.” i guess not. but thank you.

he and cho pretend they want to go to the ball together

his father, of course, is elated. pretty, smart, athletic, from a good family.

she stares wistfully at hermione granger throughout the entire champions’ dance

cedric catches harry’s eye. it was like a million snitches were whizzing around in his stomach. not like how it was with roger, at first. this was so much stronger.

he pretends he tells harry about the egg only because it’s good sportsmanship. but harry is done pretending.

when cedric goes to congratulate him for tying for first place, harry kisses him

roger smiles knowingly when he he sees cedric at the library, absolutely beaming

but there was still that part of cedric, that voice in his head that tells him he’ll ruin it, that he doesn’t deserve it. it asks him, worst of all, will you still be happy, even with your father’s disappointment?

so when does cedric diggory not pretend?

when he writes, and shares his writing with his friends

when he laughs so hard he snorts

when he’s flying. not for quidditch, but for fun

when he kisses harry back

when he says ‘together.’

when he tells harry to stay back

(he pretends he was ready to die)

so this is cedric diggory as we deserve to have known him: flawed and good. imperfect and kind. conflicted and brave

he could have been anything, but we didn’t see him live long enough for even him to figure out what it was he really wanted to be, who he wanted to be.

the only comfort we have is, in his final weeks, those final moments, he could tell himself he was finally, finally proud of the person he was becoming

he hopes history will think the same

BONUS:

roger, cho, hecate, bhavana, and of course harry mourned him. quietly, but together

roger

his first real friend. his best friend. he saw cedric the most, physically and emotionally. he thought maybe one day he’d get to see all of him, his flaws and his grievances and his silliness. he’d like to think so. he will never know, now.

people thought he’d honor cedric through quidditch, or something of the sort.

he wrote instead. he wrote for himself, for cedric. eternalized through writing.

every year he’d write something for cedric’s birthday, go to his grave and read it out to him

he’s scared of the day he runs out of memories. wishes they could still make more.

but as he tells cedric of his life now, his hardships and his triumphs and how much he misses him, he thinks he’s doing his best.

in this own, sad way, cedric is still with him. this is how they will make memories.

cho

cho cries, has a hard time sleeping. dark circles, bloodshot eyes, his death affects her the most physically. she ignores the whispers, the confused stares at her emotional turmoil. but she has always been confident with her feelings, saw no shame in expressing them.

her performance falls in quidditch.

she remembers Seeking matches with him and later with harry, the way they’d laugh and how bright cedric’s smile had been

flying hadn’t been the same since. she hopes one day it will be.

next to roger, she visits cedric the most.

hecate

no one besides their circle of friends knew it, but cedric diggory was clumsy

she remembers the way he bumped into her when he was walking through the grounds, realizing he tripped over his robe

sorry he had said. i was lost in thought

he looked like he had a lot on his mind then, as if he expected her to laugh at him.

funny, she had replied. i’m quite the same. are you headed to the lake?

and she remembers them sitting there. in comfortable silence, in easy conversation.

now she sits alone, cries silent tears, watches them run and spill and imagines them to merge with the lake

bhavana

cedric was knowledgeable about plants, but his skill at taking care of them was...questionable

she caught him, in the greenhouse, monologuing to himself

she remembered him stopping abruptly, coughing shyly. but she only laughed, said your secret’s safe with me

so she plants in memory of him, watches them grow and bloom the way he never can, now, treats them with the utmost care she wishes others had with him

harry

harry stays angry for a long time

the nightmares come every night, except this time, he doesn’t wake up in cedric’s arms

he couldn’t bring himself to visit his grave. not yet. he doesn’t know when yet, or if he ever could.

cedric diggory is harry’s first real loss.

he could have saved him. if he had never let cedric take the cup, if he had recognized the place faster, if he just got cedric to not move forward for the sake of his protection.

this was harry’s new everyday, the what ifs running through his mind at every waking moment. and sometimes he hears a laugh, sees the way someone’s smile is crooked, a snippet of a song and everything is familiar and foreign and he aches and aches. and his heart breaks a little more

and it wasn’t love, not yet. but harry remembers the way they looked at each other, the way they smiled and laughed and played and kissed and were

it could have been love, and harry wonders if he’ll ever feel that way again

so he forms the DA, in cedric’s memory. meets with roger and cho and hecate and bhavana. they all stare at cedric’s picture in the room. haunted

and harry strives to do better. to be better.

(“who’s cedric? your boyfriend?” he was)

amos diggory mourned loudly. part of him resented harry, but only because the other part of him couldn’t help but think all of this was his fault, and his fault alone

if he pressured his son a little less, let him live as he wanted, and love as he wanted

if he spent more time with cedric

if he said the words “i love you” more often, told him “i am proud of you, always.”

but he tells himself cedric must know. cedric had to have known

he doesn’t speak to cedric’s friends. tries to forget about harry potter

a hollow shell of a man, mourning for a son he never really knew.

he hopes history will treat cedric kinder than he ever did.

#cedric diggory #harry potter #hedric #hp #reposting bc my tumblr glitched and deleted the ask im CRYIGN #usergeets #userblair #useremma #uservioleta #usertessa #userbrienne #userjamie #madelinosjournal #userliyah #usersimone #anon i hope u see this still i love u sm #headcanon #hp meta

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bluucliiffoord · 4 years ago

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Lullabies

full on mysme trash rn,,, def not my first time writing mysme oneshots but my first time actually posting them. just wanted to share this,,, wrote it as a vent story? or prologue of a story at least.

inspired directly by the line of all time low's classing song, Lullabies ( hence why it's gonna be the story title :33) .

i'll see you in my dreams

lowercase intended and here y'all go

BUT ANYWAY

spoiler/s: seven's real name uwu

‘it's not even 3am but i'm already lonely.’

it wasn't unsual for melancholy to strike during the late hours of the night. that was normal. almost everyone you knew experienced it at least once in their lifetime. and you were experiencing it right now. however, if you had to feel lonely, you'd prefer to succumb to the unwanted feeling during the ungodly hours of 2 or 3 am.

why? it seemed more romantic— more aesthetic to stare at the ceiling during those hours, continuously wondering why the fuck were you feeling this or to grab a pen and some paper and try to write poetry so you could distract yourself from whatever it was that caused this.

feeling lonely at 11pm seemed so... so pathetic to you. after all, there was still a chatroom that needed to be opened a whole lot of minutes later. maybe that could ease the consistent emptiness you felt in your chest.

you sighed, letting your eyes wander to the upper left corner of your phone. the corner of your lips curled into a curt grin at the sight of the time.

11:11pm.

23:11.

they say that if you made a wish during this time, it'll come true. of course, you knew that that was nothing but pure superstition spread by hopeless people that continued to believe that making wishes to a certain time would make your deepest, most desired wish come true, but hey, loneliness was a dick and you wanted it to stop visiting you ever so often. so, as a desperate attempt to stop being lonely— you tried.

you closed your eyes and tightened your grip on your phone. you racked your brain, trying to determine which wish to make.

‘should i wish for my loneliness to stop annoying me or should i wish the people that made less lonely be real?’

you bit your inner cheek. you went for the latter. well, something like the latter. you closed your eyes tighter and whispered, “i wish i was in the mystic messenger universe.”

the moment those words left your lips, it dawned on you how ridiculous that wish was. you snickered as you opened your eyes. a crestfallen smile settled on your lips while the hands that held your phone dropped to your chest.

you sighed, looking up at the ceiling. were you really that lonely?

perhaps.

how lonely do you even have to be to wish to be stuck inside the universe of your favourite otome game where the characters care deeply for you and love you for who you are, are real?

‘a whole fucking lot.’

you placed your arms on top of your face in an attempt to drown out the long, loud groan of frustration that erupted from you. you sighed before removing your arms from your face, and grabbed your phone. you checked the time once again.

11:13pm.

only twenty eight minutes before the final chatroom for day ten of seven's route would open. after that, you could finally get a good night's sleep. that was, if the circumstances allowed it. sleep never came easy to you.

now you kinda regretted the wish you made. instead of that beyond ridiculous, desperate as fuck wish, maybe you should've settled for something more realistic— something more attainable. perhaps you should've just wished for yourself to fall asleep easily and have sweet dreams where the mystic messenger characters were real for the rest of your lonely life.

••••

you fell asleep the minute you closed your eyes. awesome but the temporary bliss of nothingness proved to be short lived. you were awakened by a gush of wind hitting your face.

you gasped upon opening your eyes. white. everything you saw was white and hazy. everything seemed to be put in some sort of filter which made your surroundings glow with a tinge of red and a dark hue of blue.

you blinked, trying to process whatever it is you were witnessing wherever it is you were. the horizon seemed to be blocked by fluffy clouds as a light breeze blew your hair back. your skin felt like it was being kissed by the early morning sunbeams.

your feet stood on something that felt like grass, but when you looked down, there was no grass. just white concrete that was oddly soft.

everything was white. even the dress you wore was white. huh, that was odd. you were one hundred percent sure that you went to sleep wearing an old baggy shirt and a pair of worn out sweatpants and, not this white, frilly sundress.

you let your hand travel through the fabric of the dress you wore. it was soft and felt light. you looked up and began to get curious.

you stared at the ‘sky,’ but there was no sky. or at least something that looked like the sky you were used to. when you looked up, the colour white greeted you.

wherever you are seemed to be like a void like state. but somehow, it felt like you were in a field. the imaginary grass on your feet, the continuous light breeze that made your hair messy, and the warmth radiating on your skin.

curious, you took a cautious step forward. the world didn't break apart, neither did the floor you stood on. maybe... it was safe? you took another step, testing the waters. and again, nothing. and another test because you just didn't trust your surroundings. and again, nothing.

you let out a sigh and deemed it was safe for you to explore this place you were stuck in. as you walked, nothing seemed to change. white, hazy walls still surrounded you. it also seemed that you never got close to the horizon.

it was weird. this was weird. but what was even weirder was the fact you heard someone call your name. but to be honest, you were unsure if you should be frightened or be glad that someone was with you in this bizarre place.

the voice came from behind you. whoever it was seemed to be far, you could tell by how low and faint the voice was when you heard it.

so you turned, ready to take another step when you heard your name again. you froze. it seemed nearer than before. the voice sounded familiar. you couldn't exactly pinpoint why it did, but it was. it also felt like... like home.

you took a step before making a run for it. you didn't understood the need to run but your body told you to run and your brain simply followed. as you ran, something or someone began to form in your peripheral vision.

you slowed your pace until your running became slow steps towards the person. he had his back turned to you. his clothes were also white. the contrast to his white get up was his red, tousled hair.

‘red hair,’ you thought, tilting your head as you stepped closer to the man.

“y/n,” he said, turning to face you. a warm smile on his face as your eyes grew wide.

‘no... no way.’

you stood there frozen, unable to process what you saw in front of you. saeyoung... you weren't mistaken. this had to be him. the red hair, the stripped glasses, that voice that was very much imprinted in your brain due to the numerous times you had called him in and outside his route.

he stood in front of you with a bright, welcoming smile on his face. you were in shock that you couldn't even reciprocate the smile. your mouth hung open a little while your hands kept frozen at your side.

his eyes examined you. his smile never left as he began to clear the space between the two of you.

“you'll see me in your dreams,” he said, extending his hand for you to accept. “i'll— we'll be waiting for you.”

his smile was still warm and welcoming as ever. however, you still felt reluctant. but you threw that shook the doubt away and buried it deep within yourself. slowly, you reached for his hand.

the minute that you accepted the handshake, you couldn't even marvel at how soft yet rough his hand was when light began to glow from your hands, followed by what seemed like a supernova.

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bamiiib · 7 years ago

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Tate - Darkness.

pairing: tate langdon x natalia pearce(oc)

genre/warnings: angst, descriptive scene of suicide and self harm. words: 6178

summary: before his imprisonment to the murder house, and before all of his heinous crimes, tate used to be in love with a girl named natalia. she made him see the brightness in things, and she was his little light. it was until all good was taken away from him, where his little light began to dim away, and darkness consumed him..

note: yikes this is some depressing sh*t you’re about to read here. also i would like to add possible spoiler alerts if you are new to american horror story. i’m pretty proud of this writing as i had to go real depressing here but enjoy! if you are easily triggered by things such as suicide or self harm however, please do not read—but don’t worry, more one shots will be coming along here in tumblr!

Everyone thinks that I am a monster. Some even think that I am the human embodiment of Satan himself. Instead of the human that I am, they think that I am some blood thirsty demon. They’re not wrong, but everyone has their breaking points, right?

Of course, everything that comes in life, it comes with a reason and ends with a lesson. Maybe she was my reason, but I don’t remember my lesson.

The bible states that the Devil was a fallen angel, and that he used to be God’s favorite, so what happened that turned him into such a fearful beast in which he was no longer allowed in heaven? What happened to me, that turned me into the monster that I am best known for?

All these questions, all that come with little to no answers, and despite my endless, and desperate search for something—anything—I found nothing. I wasn’t surprised though, because I was told that monsters like me never get second chances at happiness again.

So what was my exact breaking point you may be wondering? It was when I met my reason. My happiness, my only light through all the darkness, and my love. It took me losing her, because I couldn’t be there due to my own selfish needs that caused me to fall.

We didn’t have much in our lives, to where we would always talk to each other about the stories hidden under the scars on our pale wrists, and despite the depressing, sob stories that came with the scars, we still managed to laugh as if it were no big deal. Living in Earth was hell, but when she came into my life, she showed me something besides darkness and sorrow. She brought me something everyone told me I’d never feel. She brought me love.

The year was 1993, just one year before I chose to do the unthinkable, and to do the most despicable act I could’ve ever done in which I knew was wrong. It was the year before my happiness was taken away from me, in which I had met her.

She was the next door neighbor, and despite her parents being annoyingly joyful and welcoming, there was something different about her. Something in which I knew was unique from every other. Despite her dark exterior, I got closer to her and we instantly clicked.

Finally, someone whom I could relate to, right? Someone who’d look at me and think that I am an actual decent human being rather than some freak, loner kid who sits at the corner of class with mommy issues just because she’s sucking off every guy who rings our goddamn doorbell.

I grew a connection with Natalia, and before I could realize it myself—I fell in love with her. She was the light to my darkness, and she made me see the world in a different way in which it made it a lot more bearable.

Slowly, I found the reflective glint in the blade to slowly begin to fade away, as the lines of crimson designed delicately on my pale skin stopped. Although I still wore longsleeves, Natalia looked at me and smiled as if she were proud of me. She gave me more reasons to live, and everyday I wanted to see her in which I did.

Everything seemed to perfect, right? Evidently, you’d believe that I’d love her to the extent in which we’d continue dating, and then I’d propose, we get married and have babies. That’s it, right? We get our happily ever after in which I had read in those cheap children tales. True, I wished to grow old with her, and possibly even raise our own little peculiar family together, however… something or someone made it sure that I would never be gifted with a beautiful image such as that, and decided to take it all away from me.

To take away every bit of happiness and hope I had left in this filthy place. Although I knew it were to happen soon, I was never actually prepared for when it were to come—to be more specific, how exactly it were to happen.

We were sitting together on the rooftop of a tall building in which I knew the secret entrance to. We’d always go there every day to get a little smoke or two, and just talk about our lives. Heck, sometimes I’d even steal a little kiss or two from her, as we’d just vent to each other on how miserable life usually is.

Sometimes, Natalia would like to get all poetic with me, and begin to just spit out random verses of poetry, or even make up some verses herself. Just listening to her voice was enough to make me smile—so I’d always find it a blessing just to be able to hear that hypnotizing voice, as she speaks so beautifully.

Then again, whatever she says always sounds so beautiful to me… especially when she tells me how much she loves me. I watch her as she takes out a small white stick, placing it against her lips as she leans towards me with a smug grin. Chuckling in response, I nod my head and take out my lighter, hovering the dancing flames against the cigarette and watch it ignite as she moves back, but I was quick to respond and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me as we watch as the sun slowly begins to set.

It was a tradition we did before going back home where we’d kiss each other goodnight and go to our respected homes. Although sometimes I wish I could just stay with her, maybe even run away with her or move in with her so we can lie in the same bed, just so I can wake up and the first thing I’d see would be her beautiful face, and hear that enchanting voice.

Probably why it made a future with Natalia sound so exciting… I’d dream about it everyday. I snap back into reality, to the sounds of her sweet voice once more as it mixes into a giggle, and all I could do was tilt my head in confusion.

“You’re daydreaming again Tate… what has you smiling so much?” She said, followed by another giggle as I sigh but decided to laugh as well and shake my head, kissing her cheek softly the second she moved the cigarette to her side.

“Just how much I love you, that’s all.” I stated, as Natalia smiled, turning to my direction as she pulled me in a deep, but gentle kiss. It was until she let out a sigh, turning back to stare at the sky as it was decorated in beautiful stars, tilting her head slightly as she put out the little flame the cigarette contained before pushing a strand of her brunette hair behind her ear.

There it was again, that distant look in her eye, I knew she was thinking of something, but never could I ever find out what exactly it was. “I like birds…” She whispered softly, as I chuckle lowly, arching an eyebrow and kept my arm tightly around her waist.

“Why’s that?” I asked, as she turned to look at me, then back at the sky as we watched birds casually fly around us. “Because they can fly away when things get too crazy…” Her voice seemed different… and although I’d usually laugh at her strange remark, all I could do was stare with worry.

I sigh, but nod in response and place my chin against her shoulder. “Yeah… I like birds too.” I whisper in response, as she rested her head right above mine. “One day, I’m going to disappear, Tate. And when I do, I’ll turn into a bird, and I’ll be able to fly wherever I want to freely.” I frown the moment those words escaped her lips… because it sounded as if she was going to leave me.

Yet, when I feel that tight grip on my hand that was placed gently around her waist, I sigh in peace. I just had to trust her… she wouldn’t leave me. She was all I had. It was just Natalia and I. We didn’t need anyone else, because it was always just us against the world… right?

Ever since that night though, Natalia has been iffy. We’d walk together to school, but she didn’t talk. When we’d sneak out to go eat some actual food rather than the crap they served in the cafeteria—Natalia didn’t make any suggestions on what we should eat and when we actually did show up to the restaurant, she didn’t even touch her food.

The distant look in her eye would appear frequently, and just seeing her like that, it crushed my heart. She looked hurt… but why? Was I not good enough? Was it something that I had done? Although I didn’t want to think much of it, I couldn’t help it… as this side of her lasted for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only about two weeks.

She isolated herself completely, and slowly Natalia stopped coming to school. The only time she’d ever come out of the house was to go to the building rooftop, and over to my house to hang out. She stopped sleeping, and for that I couldn’t find it in me to rest either, and she seemed to have find comfort in my home, where we’d hang out in my bedroom, lying down next to each other as I’d hug her, whisper into her ear ‘till she found sleep.

I knew something was wrong with my little light… but it took me too long to realize that the light was dimming before she too gave into the darkness. It was the 9th day in which she didn’t go to school, and in which she refused to even step foot into her home.

She refused to tell me anything, and so I had to take actions into my own hands and decided to find out what happened. It didn’t take much for me to see the distance that her parents had, and why she’d always come to my house before 10 o’clock.

Her father would return with the stumbling footsteps of a drunk, and her mother stands there, yelling at him, and out of nowhere you could hear the loud sound of a ‘SLAP’, and the woman falls to the floor, crying as the man falls on the couch, and passes out.

Natalia’s family was falling apart… but why wouldn’t she tell me? Night fell pretty quickly, and there we sat on the edge of the tall building as always, awaiting for the sun to rest in which the moon shall rise and decorate the empty sky with it’s beautiful stars that always reflected in Natalia’s hazel eyes.

She was getting thinner, avoiding whatever plate arrived in the corner of her eye. Her once beautiful hazel eyes, tainted with the dark circles that followed under them. It angered me, it set my blood to boil to think as to why her family could be so selfish and do this to her. It wasn’t fair for Natalia… she didn’t deserve this, and yet she was taking it alone.

I had been lost in my own little world for a moment or two, thinking as to what I could possibly do in this situation, staring at the cars below us as they only looked like tiny little ants. Snapping out of it myself, I turn to look at Natalia as she too had seemed to have been lost in her fucked up Wonderland, with a cigarette dangling from her pinkish lips.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Nat?” I finally spoke up after an eternity of silence, causing her head to snap towards my direction with wide eyes. “What are you talking about…?” She whispered gently, as my heart trembled in despair knowing how much pain she must’ve endured, and yet how strong she looked… I admired Natalia. But I also didn’t like the fact that even though she’s so strong, she feels the need to keep everything to herself, almost as if my entire presence was nothing but a nuisance to her.

“Y’know you can’t fool me Nat. It didn’t take long for me to find out about what happens at night… when your dad comes home. Drunk; and your mom has to deal with him, as they fight. Both verbally and physically.” I scoff, disgusting by the thought of how selfish people truly are, even to the people who don’t deserve it. “Why didn’t you tell me Nat… I’m here for you. I’ll always be here… if that’s what you want.” I whisper, moving my hand towards hers that rested against the concrete, only to watch her move it away frantically with a small gasp escaping her lips.

Jumping back on the floor, Natalia looked at me with wide eyes, and it wasn’t much until the tears started to roll down her porcelain cheeks, as her tears reflected in the moonlight. All the pieces began to click, my eyes widened, and my heart dropped. “Natalia… did something happened in that house…?” I asked, getting up and slowly made my way towards her, but kept my distance in case the action seemed too sudden enough to scare her.

Natalia’s eyes widened, and the tears grew stronger until she fell on her knees, breaking down completely as I was quick to react, practically throwing myself to her and managed to hold her before her knees could even make contact with the rough pavement.

I hugged her tightly, as she gripped onto my jacket, feeling her tears stain the fabric as it seeped through the cloth, and I could feel the warm tears gently touch my cold skin. “Tate… I-I’m so sorry… h-he… oh God.” She whispered, and right off the bat I could easily identify that tone in her voice. For it was a tone I also spoke in. Fear.

I couldn’t bare myself to even hear what else she was going to say… for I knew already what happened. The bastard touched her… and by the way I had to hold her—it was so gentle. Not only did he touch her in that way… but he beat her. I moved myself enough to see her face, and looked at the large bruise formed on her cheek, and my jaw clenched.

He’s going to pay… he hurt her. I promised her that no one was going to hurt her. He’s going to regret ever laying a fucking finger on her. Despite the anger boiling in my veins, I managed to calm myself down, for Natalia was too much in a broken state, and I let her cry into my shoulder.

Although… I’d have to get back to that old man, so he pays for what he did to my light. The night was only getting older, and I knew that Natalia had to get some rest. I snuck her into my house, refusing for her to even step foot on the damn lawn of her own, as she sat still on the edge of my bed, looking down at her hands rested on her lap with a hard stare.

I sigh and sit next to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissed her head gently. Now we really were alike… both with parent issues, and both falling into the darkness. But there was no way that I was going to let Natalia endure all the pain that I had to endure. She deserves to live happily, and although I didn’t have much to offer… I know that I had to do everything that I can to give her that happiness.

“C’mon… let’s sleep. We don’t have to go to school tomorrow, we can just hang out in my room. Okay?” I said with a smile, watching her every move as she sniffled, and nodded.

I curl my lips in a tight line, and ran my thumb against her freezing skin, and wiped her tears away. “And please, no more crying… okay, my light?” I said, looking at Natalia as she heaved a sigh, but managed to give me the smallest smile, and nodded once more before lying down next to me in which I wrapped my arms around her tightly, kissing her head as her back was facing me, and like every night, I begun to whisper into her ear about the most randomest things ‘till her eyes drooped, and she found sleep.

My dreams followed me once more, and there it was again. My happy future, where me and Natalia sit there together on those rocking chairs we found to be lame but fun. We were old, and the rings on our fingers shone brightly, and there she sat, looking my way with a wide grin as she whispered the words I find so addicting when she says it. “I love you.” Her voice would echo, as I close my eyes in peace.

Yet, someone invaded my dreams. They had tainted my dream. I open my eyes, and next thing I knew, I found myself standing in an empty garden that contained nothing but black roses. Those were the type of flowers I always got Natalia… as she’d happily accept them with a wide smile on her face.

Other than those flowers, nothing but empty grass followed. My eyebrows furrowed, and as I begin to walk, I find myself stumbling on something as I quickly jump back, and slowly looked down to see what exactly it was… only to find out that what I saw… was something I never wanted to see.

A tombstone—and the name, it sent a chill down my spine, and tears to form around my eyes. ‘Here lies, Natalia Pearce. 1978-1993’ My eyes widen, and my heart was sent to drop before I fell on my knees, touching the cold stone with my trembling hands.

I open my mouth, but before I could scream… I woke up. I shot straight up, sitting down on the bed as I look around with wide eyes and heavy breathing. My entire being was shaking, and I could feel my own sweat trickle down my skin. Looking around, I sigh in relief that it was nothing more but a dream, but when I lie back down and throw my arm at the direction in which Natalia was laying in, my arm had fell on nothing more but the white sheets.

“Natalia…?” I sit back up in a panic, wondering as to where she could’ve gone… as she always waits until the morning to go back home, but would always make sure that I was awake to kiss me goodbye before going back home. I didn’t hesitate to get up, and began to inspect my room, checking the windows only to see that they were locked.

Could she have possibly gone downstairs to go get something to eat…? No, Natalia wouldn’t even lift a finger to touch a damn burger if she wanted to lately. My heart was sent skyrocketing, but I had to remain calm… she had to be okay. She is okay… right?

I open the door of my bedroom, looking around at the empty house as my mother had gone with Addy grocery shopping. Where could have Natalia gone? Despite the fact that I knew I had to remain calm—I couldn’t help but panic deep down to think that possibly that sick bastard who is her father got a hold of her. I sigh, trying to find a calm pulse once more until my ears seemed to have picked up something coming from the bathroom.

I heard the faucet running, and not from the sink, but from the bathtub. I arch an eyebrow, slowly walking towards the white door, but before I could take any further action, my feet sensed the cold water as I jump slightly, glancing down to see water seeping through the door.

I couldn’t stop the rapid heartbeats or the trembling sensation, as I slowly place a hand against the doorknob. “Natalia, you in here?” I said, and attempted to turn the knob, but my eyes widened in surprise to be stopped at the realization that it was locked.

“Natalia, are you okay?” I knock, fearful as to why she would possibly lock the door when it was just us in the house until I could hear faint sobbing through the door, and my stomach just dropped.

“Natalia?! Natalia open the door! NATALIA!” I shout in panic, aware of all of her history, and what she is capable of doing to herself. Tears were already beginning to blur my vision, before I began to slam all of my body weight against the cheap wood in attempts to break the door open, all while screaming endlessly for Natalia to open the damn door.

“NATALIA!” I shouted once more, throwing myself at the door once more as the hinges finally broke, and I went in the room stumbling from all the water flooding the room. “Natalia what happened, why’d you lock the d—” I stop mid-sentence, turning around and from the sight before me, my eyes widened, and instantly… the tears came rushing down as if a dam inside my head had broke.

Besides the faint drips of the faucet, silence followed… as there Natalia sat. In the tub, wearing a raven black dress, the tips of her brunette hair dripping with the water, and her arms… hanging on the edge of the tub, as I could hear the clink of the metal blade falling against the white tile. And the blood… there was so much… blood.

“NATALIA!!!” I shouted with all my might, rushing towards her, mumbling over and over ‘no, no, no’. I took her out of the tub as she collapsed onto my lap, as I held onto her tightly, looking at her wrists with wide eyes as the cuts were too deep, and it wasn’t going to be long until my light would dim, and fall into the darkness.

However, I could still hear her soft weeping, as she looked up at me with a weakened smile, bringing a trembling hand against my cheek, as my breath hitched, but quickly moved my hand to touch her cold ones.

“I-I love you… Tate. Now… I can be free, like the birds…” She whispered, but I shook my head, refusing of even the thought of letting her go. “What have you done… you can’t die Natalia… you promised me.” I whisper shakily, holding onto her arm tightly, ignoring the fact entirely that I was now covered in her own blood, as the water was beginning to stain in her crimson.

Staring into those once bright hazel eyes, I watched as the vibrant color in them slowly begun to dull… and the gentle grip she had on my cheek weakened, before it slipped completely away from my hand, and fell right on her side. My breath hitched, and the tears wouldn’t stop pouring.

Grabbing her gently by the shoulders, I gently shook her, whispering her name gently in attempts to wake her up. She’s asleep… this is a joke, right? Some cruel, sick joke she decided to pull on me. Right?! She didn’t move, and I shook her again, and again, and again.

I shut my eyes, shaking my head over and over, as I pull Natalia’s limp body close to mine, rocking back and forth in the bloody bathroom. “You can’t die Natalia… you promised me… YOU PROMISED ME DAMMIT! WAKE UP! PLEASE! YOU’RE ALL THAT I HAVE!” I shouted, whimpering under my breath as all I could do was hold her close to me, stroking her brunette hair gently as I brought her face close to mine, as I pressed my lips against hers, only to break down to feel her lips that were once so warm, now so cold…

I sniffle, and force a small laugh. “Even like this you still look so peaceful and beautiful…” I whisper shakily, continuing my rocking as I refused to let go of her frail body, as if my life depended on it.

And just like that—my every bit of happiness, and my every bit of hope, died along with my light. When mama arrived, she didn’t seem so happy, as she looked down at me holding onto Natalia’s helpless body close to my own in tears.

The glint in her eye, I knew that she must’ve thought I was pathetic—but I was way past the point of caring, for nothing mattered more than losing my only love. However, when she took her away from my prying arms, I refused to let my mother take her away, for I knew where she was going to put Natalia, in which my own brother had been lied on as well during his moment of passing.

I tried fighting with her, refusing to let Natalia live in darkness. She deserved better, and she deserved to live in the light in which she was supposed to live in. Nonetheless, it was no match for me to fight against my mother, for I knew what she could do if I were to do the slightest wrong move.

She was the devil itself… until I took in that place for her not long after Natalia’s tragic death. The monster that I so desperately have been keeping imprisoned in chains and shackles within the darkness was slowly seeping its way past my consciousness, and past the point of me being able to control it any longer.

I knew I could hurt anyone I wanted to, and I knew exactly how to depending on the situation. I could torture someone for an entire week if I wished, but I chose not to… and it only took the tiniest bit of light to keep that monster hidden beneath the depths of my fucked up mind.

It took Natalia walking into my life with ease to make those visions stop. But the moment when I opened that bathroom door, and saw her body lying helplessly in the bathtub filled with water and blood, it was too late for me, and it wasn’t going to be long until my demons come out.

I just hope that one day, she’ll forgive me for the despicable acts I will commit. Then again… I’ll never regret doing the very first one, as it gave me a sense of adrenaline, and joy to watch that pathetic old man fall so easily under my grasp.

Mama would try to convince me in going outside of my bedroom, but it was for her own selfish needs because she wanted to be alone with a man so she can go back to her whore-ish behavior in sucking the guy off, make him leave, and wait for the next sucker to ring our doorbell.

My sleeping schedule was all fucked up, to where I believed that I didn’t need it anymore, and the scars… they all were starting to come back. Yet, what killed me the most besides all the pain I was enduring, was seeing her out of all people.

I knew she tried hard staying in the shadows, because if I were to see her in the house, it’d crush me knowing that she is prisoner to it. One night, as I was staring at my pale, scabbed wrists, I couldn’t help but think of that night. All the cuts on her own wrist, all decorated in heavy crimson trailing vertically from her wrist all the way towards her forearm.

It killed me knowing that I could’ve done something. Just one move and maybe she could’ve still been alive… with me. “Tate… please don’t do this.” A voice whispered, breaking me out of my endless thoughts of guilt and tragedy, and if it weren’t God playing tricks on my mind I could’ve sworn it was her… Natalia.

Her voice still sounding as sweet as honey, and as chilling as the midnight sky. My eyes widen, and by instinct I dropped the blade that I held so close to my already bleeding skin. I felt her presence… and it wasn’t much until through my vision blurred with tears, she came in sight right in front of me, holding my arms as she knelt down and stared down at the scars before sucking the blood that already seeped out of the cuts to prevent more from coming out.

She sighed, bringing my hands together as she kissed them gently, then looking up at me as the tears had already found its way past my cheeks. “I miss you…” I whisper shakily, my lip beginning to quiver as I found my entire body trembling.

Natalia smiled, got up as she trapped me in her arms in a warm, yet empty embrace. It felt as if nothing but the mere wind had been around me, and as I raised my hand to touch her soft skin, it was colder than ice itself. “I chose to do this to myself, Tate… none of it is your fault. Please, don’t do anything reckless. For me… please.” She whispered, but I couldn’t bring myself to do this, to allow those sick, cruel, and filthy people who made her suffer continue living as if nothing wrong happened to them.

I shook my head, breaking myself from her grip as I look down at her, as she watched with wide eyes, but her face seemed entirely deadpanned. “I’m sorry Natalia,” My voice trailed off, glancing down at my black trench coat and hood, as I quickly reached for it, slipping it on with ease as I looked down at my pillow, throwing it to the side to reveal a pistol as I didn’t hesitate to grab it, “but I have to do this.”

I finish off, hearing Natalia’s endless pleas and begs for me not to do anything, but before she could even do anything else, I was far enough for her not to follow me, as I watched as she gripped onto the gates, looking at me with a face of fear—yet disappointment.

It took just that tiny conversation for me to unleash the monster, and to release it from the chains and shackles. Whenever I left the house would that monster take over, and would the Devil get a taste of power in Earth, as it felt as if he took over my body the second I’d feel a pistol in my hand, or when I’d hear those painful screams of innocent people, in which I couldn’t help myself but feel a rush of satisfaction.

I was doing it for her. For Natalia. I’m going to get rid of everyone who ever made her sad, for anyone who bullied her or caused her to hurt herself. Most importantly, I’m going to get rid of the people responsible for her death… and it was until a year later, Natalia stopped showing herself towards me, but I knew she was watching over me, as she watched me arm my guns, reach for my trench coat, and painted my face of a skull.

She was always a smart girl to know what my intentions were, and even though on that day she chose to show herself to me, I was past the point of forgiving anyone. I was past the point of even listening to her consideration of creating peace, when she was one who always said that she wanted to kill all the people she despised.

I’m only making her wish come true. She should be grateful! Natalia tried her best to keep me in the house, to keep those guns from leaving the property, but if there’s something a certain spirit taught me, I can make any spirit go away if I just close my eyes, and tell them to go away… however I never expected to ever tell the one I desperately needed in my life to leave just like that.

And so she did… and when I walked towards that school in which we both attended, everyone looked at me strangely, but despite the many different faces, the only one I saw was hers. Everywhere I looked, Natalia stood there in all beauty. I knew it was my mind tricking me into doing the “right thing”, if that even existed anymore… and just like that, the school went down in flames and bullets, taking down any student who got in my way, and eliminating the ones who ever made a beautiful face such as Natalia’s cry.

Yet deep down… I hope she could forgive me for my actions, but it wasn’t long until the police showed up the next day, all aiming their guns at me as I could hear my mama cry and beg for them to stop, thinking that I was to surrender myself.

Out of all the reasons that came into my life, I learned my lessons. Natalia was my reason, and my lesson was to continue to live for her in happiness and love. Yet when I lost her, the only lesson I seemed to have learned was that I had to do whatever I could… so I could be with her.

Romantic, right? Kind of like Romeo and Juliet. It was always a nice thought to think of at moments like this, when the SWAT would be glaring at you with cold eyes enough to freeze you with their red lasers pointed at you from their guns surrounding you.

Anyone would be scared at this moment, and would easily give in just to live… but me? I’m not like everyone. I’m different, and so was Natalia. Losing her was the most terrifying experience I have ever had, so everything else I did didn’t bother to phase me.

Killing her dead beat dad, shooting up that school filled with her bullies, and most importantly… for what I was about to do. I looked around at the many officers watching my each and every move, and as I continued to glance around, Natalia seemed to have revealed herself once more, standing in front of an officer although I knew that they couldn’t see her, for the only one she wanted to reveal herself to was me.

“Tate… don’t do this.” She whispered gently, echoing in my ears as I gently close my eyes, and in my head I managed to whisper right back to her. “I’m sorry, Natalia. I promised you that no one would ever hurt you, and I broke that promise. I deserve this.”

Once I opened my eyes… she was gone, and that gave me enough motivation to do it now. I smirk mischievously, teasing them as I brought my hand towards my head in the shape of a gun, and motioned shooting myself with it, as I whispered under my breath a soft “Boom.”

They watched, lowering their guns the slightest, as I quickly jumped towards my bed, grabbing the pistol I kept hidden under the pillow until all the gunshots went off… as my white sheets were stained in blood, and everything was beginning to blur as I fell on the floor, and an officer came to my side, asking as to why I did what I had done.

I looked at him with cold eyes, stuttering under my breath as if to give him an answer, but what was the fun in that? My last breath was wasted in a laugh, and just like that, everything went black.

I like birds too… because they can fly away whenever things get too crazy.

My spirit lied in the house, as I walk around like a hopeless, lost dog. “Why’d you do it Tate…” Her voice echoed around the empty rooms, until her figure appeared in front of mine, looking at me with disbelief.

“I’m psychotic. People like me aren’t meant to be in love, it’s just how things are. Everything good in the world must die, right? That’s why you… went through what you did. You were my good Natalia, but fate played a cruel trick on me, and took you away.” Natalia sighed, hearing my voice as she brought a hand up to my cheek, as I easily melted under the touch, placing my own hand above hers and began to cry in her hold.

“I have to disappear Tate. From you at least… what you’ve done, I just can’t forgive you for it. I’ll always love you Tate. I’m sorry and… goodbye.” I felt her lips press against my own, but as I open my eyes, nothing but an empty basement followed, and in darkness I fell in once more.

This time though… I were to live in it alone, and unable to fly away like the birds we wanted to be.

#american horror murder house #american horror story #american horror story tate #tate langdon #evan peters #angst

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