#maybe i should just. extreme restrict until my body cant take it and i have no choice but to admit somewhere

[whsprings]

.

[90sclub]

7 Days Of Fright - Blood Splatter

Pairing: Lee Heesung x gender neutral! Reader

Description: y/n is dragged to a haunted asylum by heesung.

Genre: Horror

Word count: ??? it’s a lot

Warning: Possession, Scary scenes, Fluff at the end i guess . suspense , plot twist , blood

Author’s note: nothing to be said

“I dare you guys to go there”

You and a few of your friends stood in front of one of the most haunted places in the country, Gonjiam Asylum. It was very creepy especially since it was nearly 12 am. You guys had to come during the night because it’s restricted to go here.

And there would’ve been someone guarding it. You looked at your friend who was beside you. “Uh... heesung i don’t think this is a good idea” You spoke looking very worried at your friend who was also the person who dragged you here.

“why not, are you scared?” he asked

“Of course...not” you murmured looking away from him and walked towards your friend group. They were busting chatting away as if there wasn’t a abandoned asylum in front of them. One of them turned to you and looked at you.

“ Are you going to go inside?”

It suddenly got silent and all eyes were on you. Panicking you shouted a yes. Which was a HUGE mistake. The others looked pleased with your respond for some reason. 

To be honest, they weren’t actually your friends but you counted them as such since they were friends with heesung. He was the only friend you had so you didn’t want to feel left out.

“ Then what are we waiting for y/n, let’s go” shouted your friend. He yet again, dragged you inside the place. It was very spooky especially at night. You didn’t know why it was a good idea

The others were following behind. They look scared and didn’t seem to know how to hide it. As you and heesung were walking, you kept hearing weird noises and seeing shadow figures pass by a flash every thing you passed a empty corridor or room.

As you guys continued to explore the place, everyone except you loosened abit. They started to act less scared and had a good idea of splitting up into smaller groups inside of being together.

“Who thought it was a good idea to split up, that’s how bad things happen... especially in horror movies” you gulped. Heesung kept quiet as he looked around. It was awkward since he wasn’t talking to you the whole time. He seemed so focused at the surroundings he didn’t pay attention to you.

He was acting as if he wasn’t scared at all. Maybe he’s probably good at hiding it. But for you... what gave it all away to him was that your hands were trembling as you held the flashlight.

Heesung looked at you with a worried look. You shared the same look for some reason. He sneakily held your hand, squeezing it to try to relieve your nerves. You guys continued to walk until he stopped next to a opened door.

“What is it?” you asked.

He said nothing again and went inside the room, closing the door. You looked at him with question. After a few seconds, there was footsteps followed by chattering. It was the voice of 2 of heesung’s friends.

“You heard that scream right?

“ Yeah i did, what do you think it was ?”

“ Maybe it was a ghost”

“Pfft... As if gh-”

The person who was talking didn’t even finish the sentence. It was just silent now. ‘what happened?’ you thought. Looking at heesung, you tried to speak but he silenced you with his finger.

“Shhh...”

The air was starting to get tense. You tried to calm down but in the inside you were freaking out. Heesung got closer to you and held your hand again.

“what is it?” you whispered.

“I think there’s something outside the door.”

Once he said that, your face turned pale. ‘What does he mean by that?’ you thought. After a few minutes of standing in plain silence, he went towards the old door and pushed his ear against it. As he continued to listen to nothing, you began to look around the room.

It was quite big and there was things scattered on the floor. It looked like a medical room, since there was a table with straps and tons on things on the shelf. You continued to wonder the room, carley examining everything.

BANG!

The door heesung was up against began to shake. You jumped at the sudden sound looking towards the door. Heesung signaled you to move backwards. Without thinking, you obeyed him, not knowing what will come out the shaking door.

...

It suddenly stopped. You were against the windows, shaking. The door shined against the soft moonlight that came through the windows. You decided to hold heesung’s hand, trying to get the soft squeeze he gave you before.

Seeing what you tried to hint at him, he gave you the squeeze you slowly grew to love. Even though, it was the second time he did it. His ears were turning red and time passed by that he held your hand.

BURST!

The door flew open, small wood frames flying through the air. Some of them hit your forearm. You hissed in pain and you held your arm. Heesung leaped in front of you protectively.

You looked towards the door and saw that it was one of his friends. But his eyes, they were pitch black. You weren’t that religious but you were sure it meant that he was possessed by a entity.

“Heesung!” Yelled the possessed boy.

“Come back with me...Your father needs you!”

Anyone could literally choke on how thick the atmosphere was. You were trying to think what the demon boy meant, but was interrupted by heesung.

“I already told him i’m not going to go back with him, why does he keep insisting”

Never in your life, have you heard your beloved friend yell at anyone. You were still left hanging since you had no idea what they were talking about.

“y/n...” Heesung looked at you softly, the complete opposite of what he was a second ago.

“Go back home”

“What! why?” you asked him.

“ Ah... i see what’s going on”

You looked at were the voice came from. The “friend” smirked and laughed. Heesung looked at you, his face filled with guilt and worry.

“Why don’t you explain yourself to y/n...she deserved to know who you really are” a smirk plastered on his face again.

“know what?” you questioned while looking at heesung.

Your vision became blurry and soon turned into blackness, and what seems forever, you open your eyes again. You were terrified as you just seen your life flashed before your eyes. There was another person behind the wall next to the door, hidden in plain sight that you didn’t even notice. It leaped at you making your body slide against the wall behind you

“NO! let them go!” heesung yelled, his voice changing into something more sinister than his usual soft voice.

You can feel as if your skin is burning hot but you’re too scared to open your eyes. The body that’s on top on you begins to fall to your side. And to the result, you see heesung covered blood that’s splattered on his face and shirt.

The pain continues to grow and you yell in agony. Heesung kneels down towards you and caresses your face. He smiled and takes your hand, making you sit against the wall.

It was quiet. After everything that went on you didn’t expect there to be silence. You look behind him and noticed that the possessed friend of his is laying down on the ground. Motionless and blood pooling around him.

“What happened when i blacked out?”

“ I took care of the person who tried to hurt you, y/n” he smiled lightly.

“But...but he was just possessed and-“ you mumbled.

He shushed you again. He stood up and lend you his hand so you can stand up. He pulled you into a tight hug, pushing your head towards his chest. You weren’t happy let’s just say. He smelled like blood, and now you probably do too. The blood that he had on was now left stains on your shirt.

“Come on let’s go...” he began to walk towards the corridor. You looked around the room seeing that the body that was on you before is also in a pool of blood.

“Heesung i’m not gonna go with you until you tell me what happened... and what you are?”

He paced around the room, pushing his hair back. He sighed, and tried to think if he should be honest or come up with a lie.

“I tried to protect myself from my possessed friend and he fell onto a piece of broken glass that was on the floor. And for the other guy... I don’t know he just fell to the ground.”

You looked at him with intensity, trying to see if he’s lying or not. You didn’t want to argue as to want happened, so you took his word.

“Okay... i believe you Heesung”

He smiled and you smiled back. You were extremely tired and it was a long night. You took your phone out of your pocket and checked the time. It was currently 3:58am, meaning that you spent nearly 4 hours at this hectic place.

“Come on y/n let’s go”

He took your hand and led you towards the corridor and after awhile you guys found the exit. It was a cold night and the moon light shined through the trees seeping onto your skin

Heesung and you continue to walk towards gate that surrounded the perimeter of the asylum and jumped it. Leaving behind everything that happened recently and went to the nearest place.

‘i wonder what happened to the others?’ you thought.

The friends that you came with inside the abandoned building were left on the floor, blood pooling their motionless bodies. A man stood with pride lurking over the bodies.

“Find my son and make sure he comes back this time, HE CANT KEEP RUNNING AWAY FROM ME. I wouldn’t let him, even if that means that i have to kill everyone that crossed paths with him. Understood!” the man yelled at the others that stood near the door.

“Yes sir! and with that the 2 men that once stood with the mysterious man are now out the door.

He chuckled and laughed as the moon shined on his face.

If only Heesung and y/n knew what’s going to come.

author’s note: This is my very first looooong fanfic i ever wrote and i’m proud... even thought i don’t write a lot but it’s mostly because i am insecure about it 🙈 i was very excited about writing this and yeahhh :)) i have no idea how much i wrote it’s a lot...ok i’ll stop so hopefully you liked it and please continue to support me

~ peace and love elle 🪐

[shoutoismybaby]

Enouement- Ch 1

Pregnant!Reader X Bakusquad boy (He is a secret until next chapter! Can you guess who it is?)

Enouement- The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.

Hi! This is inspired by all of those unexpected pregnancy AU’s that I love reading, but it always made me sad they were only a one-shot, so I turned it into a chaptered series! I hope you enjoy and tell me who you think the boyfriend is!

(also special thanks to @liliesoftherain for helping me with this story, a true MVP that you should follow)

masterlist/ part2

***

This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was a one-time thing, an accident. After being together for 2 years you both had finally turned 18 and decided it was time to take the next step in your relationship. You didn’t think that this would happen. You were careful every time after, neither of you thought that this would be the outcome of a one-time thing. He COULDN’T know this was the outcome, he couldn’t know that there was any outcome at all.

But there was, and it sat there in your shaking hands, a small test with two lines. Tears welled up in your eyes as you muttered to yourself about how this couldn’t be happening. You were on winter break, graduation was only 3 months away!

Could you hide it until then? You could only be about 2 months now, so no way that would be possible. Should you even hide it in the first place? Could you even take care of a baby? Did you want to give up your dreams of being a hero for a baby? And what about…

No. You couldn’t do that to him. You could never ruin his dream, a baby would set him back so far. He would never be able to forgive you. Even if he did, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself. Not only that but he totally was not mature enough to even think about being a parent. Those thoughts only left you with one option, abortion. You knew you couldn’t talk to your parents about it, or you felt like you couldn’t anyway. They would be so disappointed in you. Not only that an abortion sounded so terrifying to you.

Would they have to reach inside of you? Suck the baby out?

The thought of it made you nauseous.

“(Y/n), you alright?” you heard your mother’s voice from outside the door, “you’ve been in there for a while.”

“You having diarrhea?” Your dad laughed, and you hear the ‘ow’ that left his mouth after being elbowed by your mom. You quickly wiped your eyes and tried to clear your throat,

“Yeah,” you tried to figure out an excuse, “I was um, just fixing my hair.”

The last few days of winter break went by pretty smoothly, though you couldn’t help but feel like puking every time you thought of the test you had buried into your trashcan. Going back to the dorms was nowhere near easy, however, morning sickness hit you hard and excusing yourself from class in time to run to the bathroom was one of the most difficult things you had ever accomplished. Luckily for you, no one seemed suspicious of your changing behavior. In fact, your boyfriend just thought your increased appetite was cute. Part of it was probably due to being in different classes, you used to hate being in class 3-b, but at the moment it was giving you the time away from your boyfriend that you feared would reveal your secret.

“Hey, (Y/n), you okay?” your boyfriend’s happy voice broke through your thoughts. “You’ve been spaced out a lot recently.”

“Yeah I’m okay,” you tried to bring yourself back to the present, “it’s just that even though it’s only been a couple of weeks since break I’m already worried about our final.”

It wasn’t a lie. While you were worried about the exam, your biggest fear wasn’t about knowing the answers. No, you were terrified at the thought of not being able to take it in the first place.

“What do you mean, you've got nothing to worry about babe!” His chipper attitude brought a much-needed smile to your face.

“Yeah, you’re like totally smart!” Mina agreed, the rest of the Bakusquad you spent most time out of class with made various noises in agreement. 

“Thanks, guys, but I’m more worried about the application portion. I heard the teachers won’t be wearing any restrictions thi-” Your phone buzzing on the table cut you off. Your boyfriend picked it up for you,

“It’s your mom,” he said, handing it over. You stood up and ruffled his hair gently,

“I’ll be back,” You answered the call once you stepped out of the cafeteria, “Hey mom, what's up?”

“Hey honey, I just have a question.” Her voice sounded shaky and a nervousness built up in your stomach.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Your father and I just decided to get started on some cleaning, he wanted to beat the neighbors to spring cleaning, you know how he is.” Her laugh didn’t comfort you as much as it usually would.

“Yeah,” was the only way you could respond. You could tell that she was upset, but what was it about. “Is dad okay?”

“He went into your room to get your trash today.”

Your heart sunk.

“Mom I-”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Her voice broke and tears sprung up into your eyes. 

“I was scared! I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me, it was an accident and I didn’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do!” Your voice sounded strangled as you struggled to not sob in the middle of the hallway.

“Honey if you have this baby,  your hero career will be ruined. You might not even be able to graduate at this point.”

“I know that,” you sniffled and wiped at your watering eyes.

“But Does your boyfriend?” It was a reasonable question but it caused a sharp pain to shoot through your chest.

“No,” You walked over to the window to watch the snowfall outside,

“(Y/n), you need to tell him,” Obviously you knew that, but you just couldn’t.

“He’ll hate me! I just- I don’t… I don’t want the baby. I want to be a hero, and I can’t ruin his life like that.” You could hear her sigh as you wiped at your eyes.

“Listen, I’m going to pick you up from school, and we will figure out what to do okay?” You could only mutter in agreement before wiping your eyes some more. You turned away from the windows and back to the doors of the cafeteria only to let out a startled gasp. Standing in front of the doors was The Bakugou Katsuki.

“B-Bakugou, I don’t know what you think you heard but I can assure you it’s definitely not what it seems li-”

“You’re pregnant?” His eyes were blown wide open, and while you had seen him shocked in battle before, you had never seen him look so agape. Your once loose grip on your phone tightened to the point your hand ached in protest. The soft fabric of your shirt as you held the device close to your chest did little to comfort you as you began to shake.

“No, it’s not like that, I just..” Your grip on your phone slackened and your arms dropped to your sides, Bakugou wasn’t going to believe whatever shitty excuse you came up with, so you gave up.

“You’re fucking pregnant.” His eyes pierced through you and you couldn’t help but look down at the ground in shame.

“Yeah,” Your headshot up along with your hands, phone abandoned in your pocket, “but you cant tell! No one can know.”

“You’re not going to tell him?” His brows furrowed now, looking deeper to how you were used to seeing his face,

“Who knows what he would do if he found out! Hate me, leave me, give up on his dream to take care of the-” You pause, some part of you can not bring yourself to say the word once again. The whole situation was already too real for you. “I just need to deal with it by myself, then it won’t matter and everything can go back to feeling normal!”

“Is that what you want?” His voice was uncharacteristically gentle,

“What are you talking about, what do you mean?” You scrunch your face in confusion. Not only did you have no idea what you were going to do, but now Bakugou was acting weird. As the blonde moved to open his mouth he was cut off by the bell. You both knew that your conversation would have to end there as people were about to walk through the door, and the relief caused your body to slacken.

The rest of the day went by pretty fast, other than hero training which really wore you out. You walked as slowly as possible to avoid seeing your parent’s faces again. You knew they would be in the parking lot of the cafe across the street, and they would be so disappointed in you. So you lingered about once school ended, spending some extra time hanging out with the Bakusquad. You were trying to be as normal as you could, but that unwavering stare you felt on your back just made your nerves skyrocket. You wanted to say you were being paranoid, you really did, that Bakugou glared at everyone. Yet the longer he looked the more unease you felt that wasn’t one of his normal stares

Would he ruin everything for you? He understood that this wasn’t his place to tell right? Plus, when had the Bakugou Katsuki ever cared about things that weren’t supposed to involve him? Still, he did what he wanted when he wanted, and that was that. His extremely strong set of morals is what guided him in life, despite what some liked to believe. He was definitely going to let your secret spill. If he did that then..

Oh god, you needed to get rid of this baby. It could ruin everything you worked for, and you couldn't imagine living without your boyfriend by your side. He was such a happy guy who lit up every room he walked into. His smile was contagious and he always knew how to cheer you up. This time though, you knew that this was something you would have to deal with without him, even though you hated the idea of keeping a secret as big as this. You two were so honest with each other, you were open books the other could read at any moment. But if he knew about the baby..

You must have cradled your stomach without thinking because everyone started looking at you weirdly,

“Is your stomach upset (Y/n)?” Your boyfriend was at your side, concerned for you as always. You wondered if he could tell something was wrong.

“Maybe you should head home and rest, we can’t afford you getting sick!” The group agreed with Mina, and strangely that included Bakugou.

“Yeah, you should go home to your parents.” He grumbled the others teased him about caring for you, but you saw the look in his eyes. You knew what he was thinking.

With that, you turned and headed towards the gates of UA high.

***

Please tell me your thoughts, I love feedback! And maybe if enough people like it ill create a tag list?? Now that we’ve reached the end, do you know who the boyfriend is?

[cellard0ors]

Anonymous prompt request: Fordwest with “let me go”

Maybe not as good as the first time I wrote it (*side-eyes shitty tumblr app on android), but still pleased overall. Another excuse to be horny on main. Warnings for light bondage, language, and public (kinda/not really) sexiness…

“Let me go,” Preston murmurs unconvincingly against Ford’s lips.

“Hrm, I think not,” Ford returns in a soft purr as he kisses Preston again, his tongue plunging deeply into the other man’s mouth. The sweater normally knotted about Preston’s shoulders is currently being used to keep Preston’s arms bound back behind his office chair.

At first, Ford had been worried Preston wouldn’t be into this idea, as well as worried that the position might be too restrictive or painful. But once assured that everything was perfectly fine and suitable, he’d begun to have real fun, crawling upon Preston’s lap, his legs spread on either side of him. His hands cup each side of his face, fingertips trailing through his dark hair, mussing it, even as the pads of his thumbs play along his cheekbones.

Preston, for his part, answers Ford’s questing tongue with his own, a muted moan escaping him as heat flushes throughout every vein in his body. He’s supposed to be working. This is his job. He’s in his office. But with the knowledge that the door is locked and Ford is on him, practically riding him, well…

And as if to punctuate that fact, Ford grinds his hips down, moving in a lurid display that accentuates the feeling of his plush ass against Preston’s rapidly growing erection. Another sound, this one a heartier groan, escapes Preston mid-kiss and his arms strain against his bonds. Suddenly he feels Ford smiling against his mouth and, with the thought that two can play this game, Preston cants his hips upwards. Hard.

The mimic of the sexual act catches Ford off guard and he whimpers, his grip in Preston’s hair tightening, and now it’s Preston’s turn to smile. He draws back enough to huff against his mouth, “Thought you were with your brother today…”

“He’s working,” Ford returns softly, their lips still touching, his eyes glazed with lust, “Thought you knew…”

“Mmm, and you couldn’t do this with him, I take it?”

“Hard to do in front of a bunch of contractors…”

“I see.”

“…besides, wanna do this with you.”

Preston’s heart flutters at the declaration, “Really?”

Ford nods and they haven’t really ever stopped kissing, working the words in between, “Love you too, remember?”

“I do,” he returns passionately, breathlessly, their lips parting enough so that he can nose his way over to the left side of Ford’s neck, licking and sucking there, making Ford’s head knock back, a sound of pure pleasure escaping him at the action, “But I like hearing you say it. Seeing you demonstrate it…”

Ford’s hips move again, rising and falling in their own display, another recreation and Christ, Preston’s pants are growing tight. He suddenly hates his khakis more than he’s ever hated anything. He draws away from Ford’s neck, falling back against his chair and his palms are sweating, wrists fighting against what holds them back.

Again, Ford can feel the struggle, and again he seems beyond pleased. Chuckling darkly as he croons, “Problem?”

“Wretch,” Preston returns smartly and breathes in through his nose, “You are making me into a stereotype, dear. I’ve never thought of myself as the Christian Grey type, yet here I am.”

“You’re nothing like him. He’s a lousy character. Obsessive, controlling-”

“Not hearing much different, to be honest.”

“Oh, you’re different,” Ford promises and he really hasn’t stopped moving, undulating against Preston, and he’s panting now and Preston whines his name because if this keeps up…

What is it with the Pines twins and getting him worked up at his location of employment? First there was the heated affair with Stanley in this building’s elevator and now Stanford here in his office. Soon no place will be safe. Everywhere he goes will be a reminder of what he has waiting at home for him. Two brothers who love nothing more than to bring him to the pinnacle of ecstasy.

There’s softer things too, of course. Love, companionship, a sense of family. Nice, simple things that make his life stable and worth living. Things that are not entangled in hormones and primal carnality. But, to be fair, it seems to be that that they bring to his work. Not lunch dates and friendly visits, no, it’s this.

He’s not certain what it is about his work that makes the Pines brothers so…amorous, but apparently it’s an infliction neither can fight. Not that he has much room to talk. He does allow these things to happen. His heaving breathing has joined alongside Ford’s and his forehead is coated in a fine sheen of sweat as he starts answering Ford’s actions with his own, thrusting upwards and god, yes, he feels rather…rather close…

The phone rings.

The shrill sound of it makes Preston freeze, blood going cold. Ford stops as well, but while he has a look of momentary alarm, it drops, becoming something…truly wicked. Coy even, as he kisses Preston deeply again before drawing back to say wetly against his mouth, “It’s just the phone…they can’t see us…”

“They can’t-?” Preston foolishly starts and then Ford, the absolute devil, bends back enough to click the speaker on. The phone comes to life, a voice ringing out, “Mr. Northwest?”

The wide eyed look Preston shoots Ford must be terribly comical, because Ford slaps both hands over his mouth to stifle his laughter, and he just looks so goddamned pleased with himself. He’s still on Preston’s lap. Preston’s hands are tied behind his back. Preston…Preston is aroused. His dick at full mast and a voice he doesn’t recognize is talking to him from his phone’s speaker!

“Mr. Northwest, are you there?”

The sheer audacity! The-the gall! The look Preston now gives Ford would whither most people. Ford? Ford just falls forward, burying his face into the right side of Preston’s neck and the smile Preston feels there, the smile right against his skin. The little minx! The scapegrace! The-!

“I think we may have a bad connection…”

“No,” Preston manages awkwardly, even though, honestly, he should just let the call die, he finds himself answering, “I’m-I’m here…”

“Oh! Good! Okay, well, this is Mark Barnett? From accounting? I just wanted to let you know those invoices are complete and headed your way via e-mail. You told us in the last meeting that you wanted to be notified the moment they were on their way, so”

“Ah, yes, yes, I-I remember…” Preston manages and he’s being licked. Ford is licking him. The silky point of Ford’s tongue trails along one corded side of Preston’s neck and rises to his earlobe. An earlobe that disappears into the hot cavern of Ford’s mouth. Teeth gently scrap the tender flesh as Preston sighs dreamily, “Th-thank you for-ahh-for getting-getting back to muh-me as-as I requested.”

The last word comes out extremely shaky and broken because now, not only is Ford sucking his earlobe, but he’s moving again. Jesus, the feel of him. He’s rubbing and pushing, shifting himself downwards, and Preston’s been inside Ford before. He knows what it’s like to be buried deep within him and even with their clothes separating them, this is too much, too much of a reminder.

Preston mouths ‘fuck’, the muscles in his throat twisting, wrists pulling so hard against the sweater he worries he’ll somehow tear the fabric and he wants this all to be over, to be different. He wants the bonds gone, he wants their clothes gone, he wants Ford face down on his desk and for his hands to be grabbing fistfuls of his curved, full hips as he empties himself in-!

“Are you alright, sir?”

Preston knows he sounds strangled even as, thankfully, Ford pauses, as if curious to hear what will happen next, “Pardon?”

“You sound…strange…”

“Do-uh-do I?”

“Yes. Sort of…throaty…”

While it’s a relief Ford is no longer trying to bring him to the brink, it’s just as vexing to know that Ford’s body is now shaking, trembling, from glee. Preston swallows a lot of air before returning primly, “Yes, I, ah, I’m afraid I might be coming down with something.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Mr. Northwest! I hope you get better soon.”

“Yes, thank you and thank you again for your hard work. Goodbye.” He doesn’t need to look at Ford for his lover to take the hint, the last word spoken with such steely authority that Ford obeys, bending back to click the speaker off and conclude the call.

Laughter ripples out of Stanford even as Preston’s voice rises, “You absolute monster!”

If anything this just makes Ford laugh harder, his arms wrapping around himself, and it’s amazing he hasn’t fallen back to roll around on the floor. He’s close to hysterical at what just transpired and Preston glares at him, “Just wait until we get home!”

Ford wipes away some tears, “Ahahaha-ha-ha-ho-home?”

Preston makes a sound of assent, “When I tell your brother…”

“Oh? You’re not going to get your own revenge?”

“I will,” Preston promises, “But your brother? He’s the master of this sort of thing, is he not? And with my help? Why…just imagine…”

Ford gulps and it’s clear that he hadn’t given that thought. His two lovers…plotting against him…

He tries a contrite look, but currently it doesn’t sit well with him at all, “C’mon, Pres, I was just playing around…”

“And so shall I,” he intones ominously, “And so shall he…”

“Pres…”

“And so,” Preston edges up and sneaks in a kiss, “Shall we…”

[sugarcanestock]

classroom 5

I can’t stand Takoda, every time he speaks, no matter how kind the words may be, all I can think is how much better off we would be without him. It wasn’t always this way though, I suppose at first I rather liked him, but that was then and this is now, and now he’s infuriating. He could simply breath, and I'm ready to slit his throat.   Oak grove isn’t a normal school, it’s a special school for equally special people. Everyone there is either retarded, autistic, suicidal, or some criminal. I’m no exception, I am so dead inside you can smell the rotting rom a mile away. The staff here are usually just as special as the students, although a very few of them are normal, never the good kind of normal.   The staff at the oak grove have the patience of absolute saints, at least the good ones. I’ve seen some staff watch a kid running around breaking things and causing a ruckus, but his staff didn’t so much as flinch. She just asked him if he wanted a break, he said yes and that was that. Its not uncommon to hear screaming and someone banging on the walls, usually we just lock the door and continue the lesson. The teachers must be some other kind of being, despite the horrible way some of the students treat them, they continue with a smile.I have asked them why they stay, being so under payed, and mistreated, they usually say how they want to help us and describe the joy it brings them when we get better.   But some of these staff are so far up your ass you can’t even share something with your friends without it being confiscated. Mrs. Janine everyone hates her, until she brings some snack into class, even then the love doesn’t last long. She is the one I call ‘rule hitler’ you can take what you will with that. Mrs. Star isn’t so bad, but she is certainly too religious, same with Janine, I feel like I’m suffocating in all that stupid Christian mumbo jumbo. Mrs. Star was in the music industry and she just must talk about it constantly and tell you how she ‘sang for this person’ and ‘wrote for this person’ and’ blah blah blah’. She’s got an ok singing voice, but she’s very energetic, too much for me. she is trying to write a tv show script, but her writing works better for an 80’s game show. If she could just stop sucking jesus’s dick for one second, maybe I could stand her better. Mrs. Janine likes to butt her way into our conversations about how we hate god, trying to fill us with the lies she eats every Sunday.

  Not a Satan worshiper, don’t even believe in Satan, certainly don’t worship him. But I have nothing against him, he seems like a chill dude, way better than that god prick.Since god created everything right? And he makes no mistakes? Then he created Satan and wanted him to be evil. Also if satan punishes us for being bad, doesn’t that make him good?     My class is small, smaller than my old school. My old school had over 30,000 students. This one, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even have 100. Everyone knows each other, and there is no way of getting out of all the drama. That’s one of the many things I hate about this school, I don’t give a hairless rats ass about who insulted who.   In my class there is Marissa, the school thot. But she’s cool I don’t mind her. She recently had a girlfriend, I thought they were rather cute together. Though I think it was Marissa's longest relationship, all good things must come to an end, and just before their two-month anniversary it did. I'm glad though, I am friends with her ex, and I didn’t want her to be cheated on, Marissa certainly isn't above that.     Then there is Maria, she’s not my favorite, I think she is a little too conceded for my taste. But she cute, but way too focused on how she looks, and her nails. I think if she spent just a little less time on her looks, and worked on her education, she really could do great things.     There is also sorelle I’ve known her for awhile. She once said she wanted to be referred to as a guy and called Grayson, but I’m not sure if she still wants to since she doesn’t respond to it, and no one calls her that. Her and Maria are friends with Marissa, but they are jealous of each other, they always spread rumors about each other. Marissa is rather daft, and usually doesn’t know who to side with, so she picks both, each one on a different day.     Then we’ve got the fat ass of the class, not that I think being fat is an issue, it’s just being that fat isn’t healthy. He’s extremely annoying, and he gets pissed off with the simples little jokes. He also loves to infuriate me, and he’s far too big to fight. His name is Andrew, he’s a sports fan, I hate sports they're so boring and pointless, unless you play them, but only freaks watch sports.   There’s the two love birds of our class, scratch that the two love birds of the whole school. Sean and Catherine. I greatly prefer Catherine’s company, since she isn’t as intense. She is rather timid and usually keeps to herself, but Sean helps her come out of her shell. She listens to bands like pierce the veil, and stuff like that. I too am emo, well I guess I’m more goth, but I prefer Rusty cage, and my chemical romance. They both are giant weebs, and are constantly playing Pokémon on their ds’s, I mean they are dorm so there’s not much else to do. Dorm of course means, they live here at the school, but its less like a collage and more like a residential everything is restricted, you cant even have paper.   Alex who I like the best, he’s very quiet and his stomach is a black hole. I swear I’ve never seen him turn down food, he has a part in the school Christmas play, as a hungry elf, just constantly eating. He is polite and has never caused me any issues, so I try to treat him the same.   Allie who is new to the dorms. A sweet soul with a bit of a mischievous glint. Marissa and sorelle don’t like her cause she takes things without asking, she thinks she’s being cute but she really is just being rude. I don’t particularly mind her though, I think she just needs some lessons in manners, and someone needs to teach her to stop making up stories. She tried to tell me she was some animal whisperer, I acted as if I believed her but I saw right through her bs, she does that a lot, make up stories about herself to look cool, I think it’s a bit childish.   I suppose now I Must once again talk about Takoda, oh how just his very name makes my blood boil, so stupid, the retarted Dakoda. I once said one of his middle names (yes he has more than one) was dumb and he started crying, then gave me an essay about what all his names meant, of course I told him I didn’t care and he loudly exclaimed.

“Fuck you!” with tears running down his face, and a shaking voice. It makes me laugh to this day, what a little bitch.

At first he seemed charming and funny, but that was before I knew what a good joke was. And the creep was caught masturbating in the girls bathroom, that’s why he’s here. What a freak. He tries to tell people he was caught fucking a trans person, as if any trans person would like a total joke like him. he has no fashion sense, he wears cargo shorts and t-shirts everyday. And if you think there's nothing wrong with that, and or you do that, there is something wrong with you. He laughs at and tells the dumbest jokes, he genuinely still finds cat memes hilarious, you know the ones.

“can I haz cheeseburger.” he even keeps a book of them, he tried to say he babysat, but I saw him looking through it and laughing, what a loser.

. He also makes racist jokes, then we call him out for it, and he can’t take it he’ll get all pissy. One time we made him cry, just for calling him out for being a racist, what a loser. He said that a black guy on the tv looked like the only black student we have in our class, they looked nothing alike other that the fact that they were both black. And he has the audacity, to say that I of all people can’t take a joke, when I give him shit. Anyway, what a prick, right?

But then who am I? just some judgmental bitch, right? Well that may be true there surprisingly more to me than that. I’m mute so that should already tell you how weird I must be. But it gets better, I’m punk/goth it depends on the day. And I’m hella suicidal, and depressed. I am schizophrenic and always paranoid, but it affects me less now that I want to die. There’s nothing else really interesting with me other than the fact that I have large breasts, so I’m a big titty goth bitch.

The day starts off completely normal, if you asked me, I would say it’s too normal. I swear I haven't even heard a single person screaming. Mr. Higgans our bubbly, sweet teacher. What a saint, he began our math lesson.

“alright, so you each have your notebooks, right?” no one in the class verbally responded, but a few of us nodded, including me. I flip to a random page and start writing out the equasions on a blank page.

“alright, Evlyn do you know what page you’re doing?” I nodded and promptly began working, it was simple enough, just regular find the slope of a line. Something seemed off, the hall was quiet, I have been at this school for long enough to know that prolonged silence is not good. I swiftly get out of my seat, Mrs.. Janine as nosey as ever, is out of hers just as fast. When I reach for the door handle she quickly interjects.

“where are you going?” I tell her to piss off, by flailing my hand in a dismissive motion. She needs to learn to mind her own damn business. Grabbing the door handle, I get a horrible sense of dread, but I push past it anyway.

Pushing the door open, all I see is a yellow gloved hand and a dirty, green rag. Without a second to process, I am being held against a tall, strong body, I can hear screaming, and I watch as other masked figures flood in. the second I realize what is happening, I am struggling, kicking, punching, and fighting to hold my breath. But it’s only a matter of time before I must breath in.

[safe-sane-thin-blog]

READ ME

About myself and this blog

My person and personal background

Im 28 years old and live in the EU. Im 170cm / 5′7 in hight and currently weigh 55kg / 121lbs.

I suffered from Anorexia nearly my whole teenager years until I was about 20. In this time my lowest weight was 48kg / 105lbs and though I never reached an underweight that would make a hospitalisation necessary or put my life in real danger I was really, really sick because of my ED (I still have a heart insufficiency from this time). Sometimes I fasted for two weeks, and I mean zero calorie fasting (only water and supplements). Most times I ate between 200 and 600kcal a day. And I was pretty active in various sports, swimming, riding, volleyball, basketball and fencing each once a week (no workout besides that except sports in school, I never really was into excessive exercising). I was dizzy all the time, I took tons of caffeine and ephedrine to keep myself from passing out constantly (didnt always work), my hair fell out, my skin was dry, my heart was weak because of constant malnutrition and the huge amounts of ephedrine I took. If I would have continued this way I would be dead by now, Im absolutely sure of that.

As you can see Im not which means I didnt continue this way. I cant really explain how I recovered. I had a therapist since I was 14 but not because of ED, it was about other problems. I never sought help, I never got an official treatment for my ED, it was just me who understood I cant go on like this and changed my way. Important: This ist not how it usually works - in 99% of all cases you DO need professional help to successfully fight a ED and I recommend to reach out for such help! Im just telling my own personal story here and this is how it was for me, kind of a miracle.

I started being a vegetarian when I was 18 (not because of my ED but other reasons) and moved (far) away from home, and this was the point my ED started to fade somehow. It took about two years to “fully” (not really as you will read later but pretty much) recover and it wasnt easy but it worked. I slowly stopped counting calories, not from one day to the other but over a year. It wouldnt be true to tell you I began eating healthy, I didnt, but I started eating more and somehow over these two years I managed to not think about it constantly. I could finally eat without this voice in my head telling me that this is bad, that I should feel guilty, that I will become fat.

I studied medicine at an european university at this time which made it easier for me. I didnt finish it, I only studied for three years and then had to quit due to some other mental illnesses but it was long enough to give me some deeper insight of the human body, how it works, what it needs, what it can endure and what it cant. This helped.

I lived like this until half a year ago (January 2017), then my ED came back to me… I suffered from heavy depression all these years and had to take some strong medication which made me gain a lot of weight. Suddenly I was as “heavy” as never before - I weighed 70kg / 155lbs. I somehow learned to live with a “normal” body but I couldnt stand this, this was “fat”. It isnt, I know that, but obviously my ED was never really gone since for me personally it was and I couldnt help thinking again about losing weight, calories, food etc.

This was when my “second” ED started, which is still with me right now. I want to lose weight again, I want to go back to my lowest weight of 48kg / 105lbs, I do count calories again, I do keep record of everything I eat and drink, I do need my scale every day, I do fast sometimes, I do restrict myself. BUT I didnt and dont want to take the same path I took 15 years ago, I dont want to make myself this sick again (and by the way I also just can’t without dying because of the mentioned heart insufficiency) so I tried to find a way to live with my ED as healthy as possible. Which I do now! Important: An ED is never ever “healthy”, theres no way you will be healthy while having an ED. Its in the nature of things, an eating disorder is an eating -disorder-, a sickness, and a very serious one! But there are ways to live healthier than just starving yourself to death. And still losing weight. I think I found a way and I want to share it with you!

What this blog is (not) about

This blog does promote something! First of all: Eating disorders are extremely dangerous, stay away from this shit at all cost! Second: If you already did develop an ED, try to live through it as safe as possible. There is a way to do this, I promise! I know that some people suffering from EDs are just “too sick” to follow this way, that not everybody can survive this illness, that not everybody is able to stay safe - thats not pessimism, thats not telling you you cant do it (quite the opposite), thats just a sad fact. But Im sure a lot of people can do it, they just dont know it and how it works. And this is what this blog is about.

This blog is about how to survive an ED. Its about how to cope with an ED in the most healthy way possible. It is, of course, about losing weight and getting thin as well - otherwise it wouldnt be about EDs. But it is about how to do this in the most “sane” way (a contradiction, I know… thats life, thats people).

This blog is NOT a “Thinspo Blog”. You may find some pictures of bodies I consider beautiful on my Likes page and maybe these will serve the purpose of thinspo to some but this is not what this is about! If you are looking for thinspo, please look somewhere else.

This blog is a journal of my way to cope with my ED and hopefully a source of information as well to some of you about how to stay safe with an ED. And a place for you to ask questions if you have some.

This blog is not for people who do not have an eating disorder and just want to lose weight. Losing weight and having an ED are two totally different things and, believe me, if you do not have one you do not want one! If you just want to lose weight in a healthy way please read (post coming soon) in which I show you a healthy way to lose weight and then leave this blog. This is just for you protection.

On this blog I will share with you what I eat and how much I lose. I lost 15kg / 33lbs in the last 5.5 months. For many of you this might sound pretty slow but thats how it works, losing weight relatively “sane”. There just is no way to lose it faster than this without extremely weakening your body (which is not safe).

On this blog I will share information about what the human body needs to stay alive and to function. About what you have to do to not die! Also what you have to do to lose weight, but without starving yourself.

I dont expect that all of you follow my way, or are able to follow it. If you just cant help (wanting) losing faster, fasting longer, eating less, I wont say “Youre doing it wrong”, I will still be with you and try to show you that it can be different and hope you will understand some day. But if you just dont want to try to stay safe, I cant help you and you are wrong at this place. This is no clinic/therapy, I am no doctor. I cant save you all, Im sorry.

I hope to reach as many of you as possible and if I, by sharing my own way, just save one single person from a terrible fate its worth it.

If you have any questions about EDs, nutrition, medical stuff, whatever about how to stay safe with an ED, just send me an ask.