#maybe i should be more clear though idk. shrug emoji

[marshmellowtea]

hey, sorry, i did read ur bio but im..... unclear what u mean specifically by "anti anti" and "pro ship/pro fiction"? sorry, the terms get thrown around a lot and its made me unclear what ppl mean when they use them since its used in such drastically different contexts. sorry to bother

it's alright, you're not bothering me. i was honestly kind of expecting an ask like this after making that post. i hope, anon, before you respond (if you respond) you hear me out for the whole post.

i'm gonna put this under a cut since i rambled, sorry. warning for some discussion of abuse

first off, i wanna say that while writing this response feels very weird and kind of nerve-wracking, this isn't information i've been trying to hide. i, perhaps foolishly, tend to assume that people who follow me have at least read my bio, even if they choose not to read my about page, and it's becoming increasingly obvious that this is just......not the case? and it's becoming a bit frustrating to inevitably receive backlash from people following me about views i've been open about having from the get-go, hence the vent post. sorry about that, though, there's better ways of handling that frustration, i know.

secondly, i'm pro ship as in......pro ship. all ships, no matter how tasteless, controversial, or disgusting i or anyone else might find them. i'm pro fiction in the same sense, but just in regards to fiction as a whole, both in and out of fandom. while i never fully identified as an anti, i definitely used to have views closer to that mindset, and i can confidently say that they have caused me a lot of harm in the long run. also, while i fully take accountability for the things i've said during those years, i also feel like in some sense i was enabled to be cruel to others while i was a part of that group. never full on hate campaigns, sure, but i've definitely said some nasty stuff to people, and i regret ever doing it, and i especially feel regret for ever feeling justified in doing it. it also bothers me that there were other anti-minded people in my circles who encouraged me, even, and assured me i was doing the right thing when i fucking wasn't.

while i don't think i can explain all of my reasons for my beliefs in this post alone—that would make this thing way longer than it already is—i want to mention that i don't disagree with the notion that fiction can have an affect on our reality, i just think it's more nuanced than a one-to-one correlation of "reading about [thing]=think [thing] is now good", and i also think since fandom is, well, fandom, people tend to overexaggerate its influence on people. if you've ever read a fic or watched a tv show and thought that they handled a certain subject poorly, or recognized that a certain trope they used was bigoted, or anything of that sort, then, well, congrats! you know exactly what i mean. fiction can certainly influence people's views, but i think it's more of a lack of education (sex education, education on the lived experiences of minorities, etc) that's the problem, rather than the fiction on its own.

i also HEAVILY dislike this notion that fiction causes or enables people to abuse—in the case of the former, that's taking responsibility from the abuser because it implies that fiction "made" them do it when it was really their choice to be cruel, and in the case of the latter, i really think it's the aforementioned lack of education and the lack of systems we have in place to support victims/challenge authority that's more of an issue. sure, fiction can absolutely be used to groom people for abuse, but so can candy, or sports, or money, or one on one time, a whole bunch of things are all potential tools and unfortunately, we can't ban everything that could potentially be used to harm someone. and besides, that's overlooking that properly tagged fic (i'm. very pro content warnings in addition to being anti censorship just to be clear) can actually help people realize they're being abused when they see their situations being reflected on the page in front of them that's clearly labeled as abuse.

those aren't my only reasons of course, but this is getting long already, so thank you for sticking with me if you've gotten to the end. if you're uncomfortable with me because of this, i understand, i just ask that you either quietly unfollow or block me, because i'm not afraid to report people for harassment. if you have any good-faith follow up questions, i'm free to answer those as well, i really don't mind.

[awkwardlittlepringle]

Queer ‘n Crazy

CHAPTER NINE

Hello, fellow Fanders!

I really hope y'all are doing okay, with the virus going around and everything. School just shut down where I live, and the gravity of the whole situation is just getting to me, really. I might release this chapter a day late, sorry about that; I'm just a bit shaken up. :)

Are you guys doing okay? You better be! If  you aren't just mention it and I'll give you a virtual hug. Here's a virtual hug, even if you don’t need it. 🤗

(Is that a hug emoji? IDK.)

ANYWAY, HERE'S THE CHAPTER!

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter 

WARNINGS: Swearing, obliviousness, nicknames, mention of suicide, depression, yelling, disaster gays, watching people when they sleep... I think that's it.

.................

"If you're sad, and depressed, cause your life's a fucking mess, if you're sad and you know it clap your-"

Virgil groaned, trying to will his heavy hand to rise. It wasn't working.

The tinkling tune kept playing, and Virgil, instead of turning it off, buried his head in his pillow instead. Usually he'd slap it off immediately, but Logan had suggested leaving it on the other side of the room in an effort to help Virgil get out of bed.

Needless to say, it didn't have the intended effect.

Virgil heard a noise from the other side of the room. "Turn that bloody thing off." Logan grumbled, shifting in his bed to squint at Virgil. Virgil poked his tongue out at him, before turning the other way and clamping his hands over his ears. Logan groaned into his pillow, before lifting his head and putting on his glasses.

Now able to actually see Virgil he glared at the teen, who was watching him with a smirk.

"If you're suicidal and you know it-"

"Why the hell did you make that you're alarm, you bitch." said Logan, cricking his neck. Virgil tossed the covers away from himself and sat up, rubbing his face. "Patton said to change it to If you're happy and you know it. I thought this would be more bareable."

"Well it clearly isn't." Logan scrunched up his nose -How the fuck is he so cute?- and yawned. "Turn it off..." "You do it, you're closer!" "It's your alarm!" Pretty irrefutable logic.

Virgil grimaced before dragging his unwilling feet to hit the frigid ground. You'd think carpet would be warmer. He trudged over to his dresser and grabbed his phone; dismissing the alarm. Upon doing so, he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror.

Almost subconciously, he hissed at his reflection. Gross.

He froze, shoulders hunching, and whirled around to face Logan. A bewildered expression graced the other's usually stoic features, accompanied by a heart-stoppingly hot smirk.

"Did you just hiss?" Oh shit he thinks you're a weirdo. Great job dumba- "That is adorable." Virgil started, heat rushing up his neck.

"What?" "I said, that is adorable." Logan's face softened as he gazed at Virgil. (Who was still frozen.) He thinks I'm cute? "How the hell is it cute?!" "I have no clue. How come you do it?" Virgil hunched in on himself, bewildered. "I dunno, why do you wanna know anyway?" "My roommate, who's already cat-like enough, hisses. It's only natural for me to be curious." "What do you mean, cat-like?"

"You sit on top of high surfaces, humm when you're pleased, are attracted to warmth, curl up when you sleep, you hiss-" "You watch me when I sleep?!" "I- uh-"

Logan began to stammer, his face turning a brilliant crimson. Despite his extensive vocabulary, he seemed lost for words. His sleep-shirt hung off his shoulder, and a dull light filtered through the gap in the curtains. It illuminated his pale skin and reflected off his glasses, casting a halo-like glow around his flustered figure. His bedhead was ruffled and sticking up awkwardly, and a beautiful blush dusted across his exposed collarbones and cheeks. His hand came up to cover his mouth as he avoided Virgil's gaze.

God, he's gorgeous.

Virgil felt his blush returning, and he snapped his open jaw closed. He turned back toward his mirror to see he was grinning. For once, it didn't look too bad on him.

"Uh, so, what class do we have first?" He watched Logan's reflection as he turned back to Virgil. "English." "Shit, I forgot to finish my draft." Virgil snatched his hairbrush off his dresser, running it through his bed-head frantically. Logan chuckled, stretching his arms out. "You can finish it at breakfast." "How long do we have 'till then?" said Virgil, now rummaging through his closet. "40 minutes."

"Okay." Virgil turned toward Logan. "I'm assuming you're gonna take a shower?" "Mhm. I honestly don't understand how you go without one." he said, finally getting out of bed. He grabbed a towel out of his chest. "Is it alright if I go first?" "Go ahead."

Half an hour later the two of them were rushing around, doing a few final checks. Well, at least Virgil was rushing around. "Are you sure I can finish it at breakfast?" Logan frowned. "I don't know, it's your writing." "I'm just editing." "Well then why wouldn't you?" He replied, straightening his tie. Virgil shrugged, grabbing his pencil case off his desk and shoving it into his bag.

"I dunno, Lo. I'm just a mess in general." "You're a pretty great mess, if I do say so myself." Warmth flooded through Virgil at the compliment, leaving him confused. This was the third time this morning he'd blushed because of Logan...

Logan, however, didn't seem to notice his roommates reaction. He grabbed his bag off of his desk before turning to Virgil. "I feel like I'm forgetting something..." said Virgil, ruffling through his bag. "Keys?" "Ah, right. Thanks, Logan." "No problem."

Just as Virgil was about to leave, he spotted an empty pill bottle on his desk. He grabbed it, before shoving it into his pocket. Logan shot a questioning look at Virgil as he joined him in the hallway.

"I'm seeing my phsyciatrist today, she said she was going to switch my meds. Wanted to know which ones I was taking." Logan nodded.

The two walked down the hallway in silence, enjoying each other's company. While it was peaceful, Virgil couldn't help but adress the slight giddiness that seemed to have settled in his chest. It was confusing; he had no reason to feel this way. It was a nice feeling, though. Kind of like he was floating.

He followed Logan down the hallway to an elevator, and stepped inside. As the doors closed, Logan asked-

"How come you didn't finish your draft?" Virgil shrugged. "I dunno, I just couldn't get it done." Logan frowned. "Weren't you staring at your computer screen for like 30 minutes last-" "Shhhhhh~!" Virgil held up a finger.

"What?" "You're ruining it." "What am I ruining, exactly?" "My excuse." The doors opened at the lobby, and the pair stepped out, and began walking to the doors.

"I'm just saying, you can't exactly tell Mrs Von that." Virgil scrunched up his nose. The two walked up to the sliding doors. Just as they cracked open, a familiar voice filtered through.

"Hey guys!!!!" Despite his confusion, Virgil found himself smiling.

Standing in the middle of the courtard was a grinning Roman, waving madly at them. Patton was with him, also waving, although in a much calmer manner. Logan exhaled as he adjusted his bag strap.

"Good morning you two." They joined the others in the courtyard, and the four of them began to walk toward the dining hall. This had become the usual routine for them. Each pair would come out about eight minutes before breakfast, wait for the other, and then they'd walk together.

"Have you guys finished your drafts for english?" "Yup." "Pretty much. I'm gonna look over it at breakfast, though." Virgil groaned. "I swear I'm the only one who isn't finished." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "How much do you have left?" asked Patton, falling into step beside him. "Just editing." "Well then you shouldn't have a problem, should you?" He said, smiling encouragingly. Virgil shrugged, looking away.

What if he didn't finish though? He was fine with being in trouble, but being called out in front of everyone was a high possibility, and certainly wasn't one he liked.

"C'mon, Virg!" Patton brushed his shoulder against Virgil's. "You'll be alright. All the teachers are understanding, they take illnesses into account, remember?" Virgil chuckled. "It sounds like you'rer talking about cancer." Virgil's eyes widened. "N-Not that I'm joking about cancer, of course- that's kind of stupid-" "Virgil, I know. Calm down." Patton linked his arm through Virgil's. It was a simple touch, but it certainly helped calm him.

"And anyway, I have something else to mention." Patton slowed his pace, tugging Virgil along with him. Virgil let out a small noise at the movement, before steadying himself and glancing at Patton, worried. Noticing Virgil's expression, Patton let out a small chuckle.

"Nothing bad I promise." Virgil raised an eyebrow, causing Patton to gasp. "How do you do that? You're like Doctor Who!" Virgil scoffed. "Hardly." "Anyway, I just wanted to ask... Are you good?" Virgil looked at strangely.   "Yeah~? I mean I haven't got worse since I got here-" "No no no, not like that. I mean, this morning, you looked kinda spaced out." Was it that noticable?

"I was? I didn't notice." "I'd like to make it clear that I don't believe that for a second."  Apparently Patton could see through him. "Tell me~! That is if you want to, of course." "I'd prefer not to." Patton pouted, but left it alone.

But now Virgil was even more confused. There isn't any reason for him not to tell Patton, so why didn't he tell him? Maybe to avoid sounding crazy?

"Hurry up, slowpokes!" Virgil looked up to see Roman watching them from around 20 feet away, tapping his foot impatiently. "At this rate all the hashbrowns will be gone." "They refill them, Roman." "Shut it, Calculator."

"Roman! What did I say about name calling!" Roman rolled his eyes. "Okay, dad." Patton grinned mischeviously. "That's right. You're all my kiddos now." Logan blinked.

"You're younger than me-" "Hush, Lolo. Respect your elders." "Roman what have you done." said Virgil jokingly. "We're gonna be late!" said Roman, grabbing Patton by the hand. "Accompany me, Padre!"

Logan watched the pair's retreating backs with a dumbstruck look.

"I have never been more confused in my life?" Virgil snickered at the look on his face, before grabbing his elbow. His skin tingled where it met Logan's. "Come on, Logan. If we leave them alone they'll probably find a way to burn the hall down.

"There are no fires lit in the hall?!"

................

Summary : Virgil and Logan are getting ready for bed, Virgil being a blushing gay mess the whole way. They meet the others in the courtyard, and walk to the dining hall. Patton notices that Virgil's spaced out today, to which he responds with "I didn't notice." It doesn't fool Patton though. Platonic Lamp shenanigins ensue, and Virgil is left wondering what the elated feeling in his chest is.

TAGS : 

@someone-idk-is-here

@true-chaotic-dumbass

@tired-babyboy 

@666frostwolf

If you wanna be added to the list, shoot me an ask. :)

[marvelandimagine]

Framework (Part Two)

Summary: Request - Bucky x reader songfic where he pushes her away and they break up but he’s miserable without her and it all ends in fluff and apologies

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word Count: 2,200

Author’s Note: This was literally the hardest chapter I’ve ever written idk why but I should probably start outlining instead of winging it 25/7 lol anywho sorry this took forever and hopefully p3 will come to my brain faster! / based on Framework by The Story So Far

Taglist: @firefly-in-darkness @emptynote @buckysgoddess

How’d this happen?

Found your way in

So distracting

Splitting me in half again

Can’t ever sever the ties I made

The knots are strong

The framework’s laid

No matter how many things I say

The tangible will always be what I crave

Six agonizing days pass, with Bucky coming to the conclusion that he actually can’t live with his decision. He feels like he’s drowning in regret, his anxiety is off the charts, and, plainly, he’s just fucking miserable.

Despite everything he said to you, to himself, to Sam, it’s become crystal clear that not having you in his life is hurting him way more than confronting his trust issues and fear of impermanence.

He misses you like hell. The scent of your clothes, the way you laugh, the warmth in your eyes and on your fingertips. How perfectly your bodies fit together, the way you gasp and growl his name. How you would hold him to your chest, tracing soothing patterns across his skin when he couldn’t stop shaking from the nightmares and the flashbacks. How funny and beautiful and kind you are. Even things that had irritated him, your reiterated suggestions of different therapies and mindfulness techniques (some that had helped you personally), how you never tried to hide rolling your eyes, you constantly misplacing your keys/phone/wallet and him finding it within seconds -- he missed it all. All of you, the good and bad, had somehow become woven into his being. He could sooner get rid of how he felt about you than get rid of himself.

He told himself he wouldn’t do it, but he’s been repeatedly checking your Instagram page, heart thudding each time as he anticipates seeing the pictures of the two of you together deleted -- or worse, seeing you with another guy’s arm wrapped around you. So far, though, there’s been nothing except a video post of your dog, Balto, howling and grinning at your TV screen when Ghost appears on the latest Game of Thrones. It just makes his heart ache more, that he chose to remove himself from these small, wonderful little moments in your life, and for what? 

He keeps staring at your number, his thumb hovering above the screen before he chucks the phone to the side, rubbing his eyes as he once again chickens out of contacting you. 

He reaches the breaking point when he starts reading back through old texts from around the time when you two first started dating. 

“I know we just said bye five minutes ago but I just wanted to say how happy I am that I met you. And you are definitely cuter than I am. That is all! Night, Buck.” And now the same blushing smile emoji that had him grinning from ear to ear makes his heart twinge.

“What the fuck did you do, Barnes?” he asks himself, letting the phone drop to his forehead with a dull thunk. 

He knows he wants—needs—you back, but he doesn’t know where to even begin. 

He sighs, grimacing as he rolls himself out of bed and trudges out toward the living room. There’s only one thing to do.

Bucky can already hear Sam’s voice emanating down the hall as he approaches:

“You call THAT avant garde?! That silhouette is as bland as toast. TOAST, Nina!”

Bucky sits himself down in the ottoman in the corner, careful not to walk in front of Sam — he thought he’d never hear the end of it when he accidentally blocked the screen during the last Grey’s Anatomy season finale.

“Project Runway again?” he asks, shaking his head.

“Hey, don’t you be getting all judgey now.” Sam smirks at Bucky, taking in his disheveled state. “You need to be jotting down notes, Kurt Cobain, wearing the same grungey-ass flannel three days in a row.”

Bucky shrugs.

“Not like I have anyone to impress.”

“You had someone to impress, but remember, you broke up with her, you cowardly fucking jackass.”

Bucky clenches his teeth as his scathing tone rattles in his head. He tries his best to ignore it and sound nonchalant as he swallows his pride to do something that normally sets his skin on edge: reach out to another person.

“Anyways, you busy?”

“Nah, I’ve had enough disappointment for today.” Sam grabs the remote, shutting off the screen and shifting to look at Bucky. “What’s up?”

Bucky exhales deeply, and he can practically feel the apprehension settling on his face, his habitual reluctance to open up kicking in.

“Um …” 

He bites the corner of his lip, trying to think over his words when his gut just wants him to yell, “I FUCKED UP please tell me how to get Y/N back.”

He’s spared having to, though, as Sam cuts through the silence:

“You want to get back together with Y/N, don’t you?”

Bucky stares at him.

“Is my misery that obvious?”

“Painfully.”

Despite his deadpan tone, the corner of Sam’s mouth twitches, and the two find themselves chuckling together. While he’ll never admit it to him, this is why Bucky views him as his best friend, why he trusts him -- he always knows how to make him laugh when he needs it. He knows Sam has his back.

Bucky shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

“So, what do I do?”

“Before I can try to answer that, you need to tell me why you broke up with her in the first place.”

Thought I’d burn the seams if they frayed

Thought I’d prove the point that I made

“I thought if I ended things, I’d be able to stop caring and feeling so vulnerable, I guess. That it’d be better for her, because she deserved better anyways, and maybe it’d be better for me … I don’t think I really believed that, deep down, but … I was scared. Scared of getting hurt, not being enough.” 

Bucky pauses and sighs, staring at the ground as he wrings his hands, running his flesh thumb back and forth over the smooth metal.

His voice is quiet, apprehensive.

“I was scared of how I felt about her.” 

Bucky glances up after a few moments of silence and is met with Sam looking at him more seriously than he can ever remember.

“Do you love her?”

Normally Bucky would flinch at such a direct question, but now, finally facing the consequences of keeping himself so guarded, he hesitates only for a fraction of a second before he nods, and it feels like a weight has left his chest in acknowledging how he feels.

He loves you. And he doesn’t have to run from that.

Sam nods back in response, running his hand along the dark stubble on his face as he begins in earnest.

“Look … you have a lot of regret in your life, right? I know it’s over things you didn’t choose, but now, you can choose. So what’s your choice gonna be? The way I see it, A) You can keep doing what you’re doing and let fear run you into the ground, or, B) you can tell that fear to go to hell, reach out to Y/N, buy her the nicest apology flowers you can, and tell her everything you just told me.”

“And if she tells me to go to hell?”

Sam sighs.

“I mean, she’s probably going to be pretty pissed at you —and rightfully so— but,” he pauses, his tone lightening, “God knows why, she seemed to really be into you. And nobody gets over a breakup that fast unless the relationship was already dead for awhile. You guys looked like you were solid until -”

“I blew everything to pieces, yeah.” 

Bucky sits quietly for a few seconds, pausing to sit and feel the knowing. The alignment in both his heart and mind, what he wants moving forward.

“I think choice B is the clear winner, here.” 

Sam waves his fist back and forth.

“Ding ding ding!”

Bucky nods.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his voice earnest as his eyes lock on Sam’s.

Sam’s returning smile is full of encouragement.

“Hey man, I got you. And I know this ain’t easy for you, opening up about stuff. Just know there’s always a seat at the VA group just waiting for your supersoldier ass to sit down, if you ever want to talk more.” 

 “Nah I’m-” Bucky physically stops himself from finishing his default “nah, I’m good for now, but thanks” response, because if he’s realized anything throughout this entire ordeal, it’s that he is most definitely not “good,” or at least not doing as good as he’d like to be.

“Yeah, ok, I’ll do it.”

“For real?”

Bucky exhales deeply, his sadness hanging on every syllable.

“With all this … I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t have acted the way I did with Y/N if I had started dealing with this sooner, getting more okay with talking and being honest with people,” he muses. “Like you said, if I really do want a normal life, I kinda need to find a better way to handle what’s going on in here,” he taps his temple and then his chest, “than just shutting people out.”

Incredulity is all over Sam’s face, coupled that something Bucky could swear looks like a glimmer of pride. 

“Wow, yeah, that’s great, that’s the kind of perspective that’ll help you move forward.” He grins. “You sure you’re feeling ok? This isn’t some fever-induced thing, right?” 

Bucky flips him off while Sam chuckles.

“Hilarious.”

“You know I’m playin.’” Sam nods vigorously. “Seriously, it’ll be good for you. Anyways, though, back to choice B.”

Bucky feels the rise and fall of his chest pick up in nervous anticipation, but he slides the phone out from the pocket of his jeans anyways, thumbs tapping away on its surface. 

“Hey. Can we meet up?” 

Before he can second guess himself, he hits send, promptly hurling the phone onto the opposite corner of the couch where Sam is perched.

“Watch it!”

“You tell me what she says back. I don’t wanna see it first.”

However long you’re gone, I will wait, I will wait.

And then an agonizing, crawling two hours pass, with Bucky finding himself unable to focus on the National Geographic moon landing documentary that would normally absorb him entirely, his eyes constantly straying from the screen to the phone sitting silently in the corner. You never took this long to answer a text when you were dating, so he knows you’re ignoring him.

“Maybe she blocked you and didn’t even see it.”

He’s just about to ask Sam for the phone back to message you on Instagram, past the point of caring how desperate he looks because it’s the truth, when it pings.

Sam snaps out from his half-napping state at the sound, stretching across the couch and grabbing the phone. He pulls a face and Bucky’s heart sinks -- Sam might as well have said “yikes” out loud.

“What’d she say?”

Sam looks at him with the tiniest bit of pity, tossing the phone back.

“Why.”

“Why? That’s it?” Bucky looks down at the screen in disbelief, and there it is, the one-word response.

“Yup.”

Bucky buries his head in the throw pillow closest to him, muffling his yell. 

“What do I even say to that?! She’s pissed off, and I don’t wanna do this over text.”

“You don’t have to do it all over text, but you gotta give her something. The last thing you said to her was that you wanted to break up, and now you want to see her. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to assume you want to get back together, but if you do, she wants you to know she’s still upset.” Sam shrugs. “You messed up, now you gotta work for it.”

Bucky takes the pillow off his face, grimacing.

“Goddammit.”

He takes a minute to craft his reply, staring down at the screen.

“Because you were right about everything. I never should have ended us, I’m an idiot and miss you like hell. I just want to talk.” He hits send and turns the phone over, heart thumping inside his chest.

Ten minutes pass before you answer:

“I’ll be home until 7, I have plans after.”

Bucky’s stomach drops as his brain conjures images of you dressed up but not for him, for some other guy, his metal hand clenching involuntarily.

“You don’t know that you don’t know that, c’mon. It’s only been six days.”

He replies immediately:

“Can I come see you at 5?”

“Ok.”

Even with the realization that it’s already 4:10 and he’s gonna have to haul ass to Adams Morgan while still finding the time to get you the nicest flowers he can, Bucky already feels lighter with hope. You agreed to see him. You’re giving him at least a fraction of a chance to put things back together. 

He flies up off the couch and takes off down the hall.

“I’m meeting her at her place at 5!”

Sam calls out to his retreating back, and Bucky allows himself a small smile.

“Hey, go get her. But you go shower first!”

[mooosicaldreamz]

please do a song by song review of lover i beg u

oh......u didn’t have to beg!!!! i’ll give it to you 4 FREE.

I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED: what i enjoy about this song is that it is fun and not especially mean, just like, shrug emoji. i think sometimes when ur in a relationship that is not especially amazing and you reach the point where you forget that you dated someone is the funniest thing and its such a strange moment. it’s a good tonesetter for the album, bc its so fun and chill and like, whatever. it has the same energy that i think we are never getting back together wanted to have. i LOVE the “i just forget what they were” breakdown. what a fun, bouncy song. easy listening to start the album. calvin harris rip.

CRUEL SUMMER: i love jack antanoff vERY much and have liked his work with fun. and as bleachers, and i think his production on lorde and taylor’s albums has been so wonderful. this song just reeks of him and it’s so like, ascendent, how it builds up and up into the chorus. i think it’s interesting that she reaches so high on the chorus. “summer’s a knife/i’m always waiting for you to cut to the bone/devils roll the dice/angels roll their eyes.” the breakdown is once again wonderful abt crying in the back of the cab on the way back from the bar - i feel like this album and its concept brings a much more natural version of taylor that i think has largely (and perhaps rightfully, considering the evolution of her fame and craft) been in hiding since probably red but maybe even since speak now. “I LOVE YOU AIN’T THAT THE WORST THING YOU EVER HEARD // HE LOOKS SO PRETTY LIKE A DEVIL” while she’s screaming it is more exuberant than ANYTHING on 1989 or rep (and i love both of those albums). 

LOVER: i love how sleepy soft this song is, i love how simple it is, and it’s made me cry like, six times. the wedding band sound is just, so fun and beautiful. it really makes me feel like i’m drunk, happy, and dancing really slow on an emptying dancefloor. i’m going to assume that was the vibe. it’s so soft. god it feels like a cloud. i enjoy how simple the lyrics are in this song, and how the words get to breathe and simmer. they take on a lot of meaning bc of how much space they’re given by the echo and by pacing. it’s so nice. i’ve gone back and forth on whether i like the wedding vows thing, but i think it might be nice. i love “swear to be overdramatic AND TRUE! to my lover”

THE MAN: the bumpy sound of the bass beat is really fun, and i think the song is a good bop, but it doesn’t say anything i don’t already know - but i think taylor bringing up the back end on the Woke train, trying to reach all those people who still aren’t totally sure about the gays or feminism but also think trump is terrible and are now reconsidering their life choices is a fine enough goal for her social justice initiatives. also i just realized she says “getting bitches and models” which she already does, you don’t have to pretend taylor

THE ARCHER: this song is sonic perfection the rolling synths the dreamy voice, the awful awful breakdown at the end of “they see right thru me / can you see right thru me / i see right thru me” “help me hold onto you” i just ... can’t handle this song. it’s perfect. i like the implication throughout this album that taylor is in Love, the big real kind, and i support her and joe bc i think it’s obvious their relationship has totally like, taken her to a new and good emotional space. anyway i like the implication that taylor fell in real, big Love and realized that love is still a fucking mess, like it doesn’t solve all the problems. “ALL OF MY HEROES DIE ALL ALONE” i mean come on. i hate her

I THINK HE KNOWS: this song is a bop “i think he knows his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it’s mine” is a stn move. the rumbly noise in the chorus and the synthy breakdown is a beast, it owns itself. there’s a real comfortable self-confidence that i, once again, maintain has been missing from taylor’s music up until now. also that moaning noise distracts me every time. “hand on my thigh/we can follow the sparks/i’ll drive” tAYLOR! inappropriate. i’ve seen some takes on this song that it’s not a fave, but it’s a fun song and people are wrong. there’s not one song on this album that i’m like this is bad in the way that i DO NOT like some songs on rep

MISS AMERICANA AND THE HEARTBREAK PRINCE: the first thing i thought when i heard this song is that it sounds like lana del rey. give it a re-listen, it does. sounds just like idk, “high by the beach” but it also rings a bell for me of electra heart era marina and the diamonds (like “teen idle”). i like this song a lot, even though it’s relatively oblique in my opinion on what it’s.....actually about. “you play stupid games / you win stupid prizes” is a great lyric in masterful taylor swift fashion bc it looks stupid when u write it on paper. i like the shouting breakdown thing that happens on the back end of the song with go/fight/win (OH I JUST GOT that, it’s like cheerleaders shouting). i’m a fan of it, but it’s an oddball on the tracklist.

PAPER RINGS: this song rings with a lot of red’s chaotic energies but with the adult sensibilities that she’s rolling with on this album. i love the sort of down-home shouty stuff happening on the verses, and the “kiss me once / kiss me twice / three times” bridge. it’s a good one. “i hate accidents/except when we went from friends to this” is a fun and good lyric. i LOVE the key change i LOVE the “wrap your arms around me baby boy” for some reason very much. 

CORNELIA STREET: i mean obviously this song is wonderful. i’ve seen much Discourse about this song being related to Kaylor which seems plausible. it’s clear that taylor wrote some of these songs in the present tense when they’re in the past, which i think is really interesting. i LOVE “jacket ‘round my shoulder is yours” what a good inversion of the phrase. i love the way that the phrase cornelia street breaks up the lines in a really weird way, because of how its syllables run. it’s a good song. it’s a soft boi

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: early frontrunner for my fave song!!!!! love the opening repeating noise, and the simple guitar plucks initially. taylor’s voice takes up front and center bc it isn’t especially altered/layered/echoed like it is in some other spots on the album. it has an amazing rolling pace on its verses that’s followed by the slower pace on the chorus. “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be okay and they say i don’t know” i am certain that this song is about karlie kloss and i will not accept any other possibilities i know she said it was about a movie but i don’t care. “my hips my heart my body my love / tryna find a part of me you didn’t touch” wow taylor god what a gifted lyricist i hate her

LONDON BOY: this song is fun. “i saw the dimples first / then i heard the accent” i love the rising effect on “walking on the afternoon” resetting with the horns. it’s just a song that makes you bob your head. she does sound like she’s throwing out as many english references as she possibly can which is amusing and i don’t know what the legs are on this song bc of that - it could come across as somewhat kitschy. but! also i’d like to start some discourse bc i think it’s CLEAR that taylor isn’t afraid of using pronouns or even very direct references to who she’s with (this song is basically an I LOVE JOE ALWYN shirt), and it makes it even more clear when she’s avoiding using pronouns or direct description. the two songs before this don’t do that in the same way that this song does. 1989 barely uses pronouns at all. i’m just saying. taylor is bi is what i’m saying.

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER: obviously this song is sad and it makes me cry i have no further commentary except that it’s a wonderful, simple song that has an excessively odd placement on this album following after london boy

FALSE GOD: this song is sexy! and interesting. the horns come back again, which is good and her voice is lower. honestly the line “the altar is my hips” is just..........a lot for me to compute. “i’m golden when you touch me / hell is when i fight with you” the bridges are really fun, sexy, soft. this song is like when lover ends and a song with a little more of a sultry feel comes on but ur still drunk so its a little sloppy.

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN: obviously this song ruined my life. it sent me to the heights of elation and then i sort of had a hangover on it but i’m back around on it guys! it’s a fun, fun, summery song. that chorus with the oh-oh is just .... pop perfection. the bumpy synth noise that goes ba-duh-duh-duh like it’s reverberating is absolutely perfect for the pacing of the song. it’s excessively well-crafted to the point of slickness. it should have been the lead single but what do i know about anything

AFTERGLOW: i know that i wasn’t supposed to be into i pinned your hands behind your back but i was so. this is a continuation of the theme of like, i’m in love but i’m still a mess!!! sorry :) i like this song but it does not inspire me. 

ME!: i don’t know why the exclamation point is there and it sounds much more like a brendon urie song than a taylor song, but it’s fun! i don’t hate it! i can see why it was picked as a lead single - to really illustrate the tonal change from rep to here, but still. spelling is fun, tho.

IT’S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND: this song is simple and so, so so sweet. i love the childhood friends to lovers narrative, and i just. like it. so much. it’s so sweet. and then obviously the horns come back for this one, but don’t overwhelm. this song is a good palette cleanser after the bombast of me!

DAYLIGHT: i tweeted about this but this song reminds me of clean and long live (particularly long live, it for some reason really sounds like that in my head). but i like that it really relates a feeling that i feel sometimes of like, my life was a mess and sometimes still is a mess but bc i’m in a stable and good relationship, things feel approachable, like, if everything goes wrong again, i’ll at least know for sure i have this, and i think this song sort of shows that off with the  “I don’t want to think about anything else.” it’s nice. it’s calm. i read an oral history today about the kanye storming the stage moment at the vma’s because it’s been 10 years since it happened - and i feel like this album and this song, in many ways, are a plateau on the meteoric catapult of taylor’s relationship with fame that really had started to run before that moment but certainly started rolling after that. i think this song is a demonstration of the growth that she’s gone through over the last ten years that we’ve all watched with such close attention. it makes me feel happy for her. i hope she gets to keep this the way it is. i’ve read that she thought for the longest time that this album would be called daylight and i’m honestly? not sure it shouldn’t be. but the vocal note at the end sort of draws it back thru.

it’s a good album. i think the back half of it doesn’t hang as tough all the way thru as the first half, but overall, i think it’s overall quality is better than reputation even though i think reputation, as a concept album, works very well. it’s a great evolution and a real, authentic thing. very impressive that she’s managed to produce four very different albums successively where as many artists don’t change that much from album to album. but i think that’s evidence of the work that’s gone into them, to be honest. death by a thousand cuts is my early fave. 

[mysteli]

drunk text (jake x mc)

A/N: I’m back after a loooonngg time and this fic exists thanks to @brightpinkpeppercorn. I’m not really sure what to think of but I’m still posting it. it’s more of a comedic piece. But I have more romantic shit coming in the future. Don’t worry!

Warning: innuendo, swearing 

Recommended music: idk

Words: 2066

PERMA TAG LIST: @brightpinkpeppercorn@cocomaxley@hopefulmoonobject@alesana45 @jellybean-marshmellow@mymandrake@regrettingnathan@dobie2112@princessstellaris@mechaspirit@skyila @mind-reader1  @xo-endlessmayhem-xo@sakaily@justboredtrash@regina-and-happiness@annekebbphotography. @endlessly-searching-for-you@reginasayeed@zigortega4life@eileendannie@diamondoasis@speedyoperarascalparty@emomoustache@lostlightningbug@endlesstaylormckenzie @alekai-sayeed@akrenich@vickypoo91@nitta-jaeguet@femmeshep @hayden-park@mkatschoicesblog

Prompt used: ““Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night”

Let me know if you wanna be tagged! 💗and let me know if the tags work because Tumblr is acting up.

Summary: A couple glasses of wine lead Michelle and Quinn into stealing Logan’s phone. What could possibly go wrong?

Masterlist

ENDLESS SUMMER FAN FICTION DRUNK TEXT

“Who wants more wine?!” Michelle questions in a high, obnoxious tone, her voice thick with energy and excitement.

Logan and Quinn had both volunteered to help Michelle start decorating her house as she prepares to move in with Sean. She’s been talking about how nervous she is to take the next step with him but she’s also aware of how amazing it’ll be to get more serious with the man she loves. Logan is a person as helpful as they come so of course she’d decide to help her out with the interior. Same could be said for Quinn but who ever clarified that the day had to be completely innocent?

Turns out they overestimated how long this would take to complete and they finished the entire living room in the space of six hours, which is very quick for an entire room. It looked pretty put together too, with everything in place aside from the stuff the moving van forget to bring over and just that stressed Michelle out a lot.

So, when they finished, Michelle suggested letting a little loose and she revealed a bottle of wine, which was downed fairly quickly. They promised that they’d only have one glass each. But one glass slowly turned into two, then three... then four... then five. Now they’re all completely wasted.

“Me, me, me!” Logan exclaims, snatching the bottle out of Michelle’s hand and taking a massive sip.

“Hey! It’s not all for you, Lo!” Michelle argues, snatching it back with force. Logan forms a challenging smirk in response, wiping the leftover liquid off her mouth.

“Oh come on! You have about five more bottles!”

“Sharing is caring, Logan.” Quinn chimes in, smiling appreciatively as Michelle hands her another glass.

“It’s 3am, Quinn, and we’re doing this. It’s clear we don’t care. Surprised the neighbours haven’t left an complaint.” Logan responds, folding her arms as she takes a seat on the floor. They’d been playing really childish games since 10pm that night. Games like truth or dare, never have I ever and would you rather. The standard teenager trash that they’d play in high school. Then they turned to karaoke, which was a guarantee for angry neighbours, right? Yet nothing came through.

Hell, Logan didn’t even realise she’d be here this long. And she had to lie to Jake about why she was staying over. Of course, she knew he’d just laugh it off if she said she’d been drinking all damn night. But she wasn’t in the mood for his teasing so she messaged him with a little white lie, claiming they hadn’t finished and were exhausted so she’d just stay over and finish off in the morning. He understood completely, telling her he loved her and hoping she’d have a goodnight.

How oddly nice of him.

“I’m bored. Are there any games we haven’t played?” Quinn wonders, turning to Michelle for an answer. She simply shrugs her shoulders in response, seating herself on the floor with the others in the awkward little circle they’d shaped.

Suddenly, a lightbulb goes off in Michelle’s head and her face lights up proudly. “We could drunk text someone.” She beams, lifting her arms high in the air and her glass rises with them, the action causing some liquid to plummet onto the carpet. “Shit. Good thing I’m getting new carpet.”

“Ooh! That sounds fun.” Quinn agrees, clapping her hands together excitedly. “What do you think, Lo?”

“Sure, I’m down for that.” Logan nods in agreement, though if she’d know how this would turn out, she would have said no. “Who do you wanna drunk text though?”

Michelle scans the room as she thinks of a possible victim to their game, a devious smile crossing her lips as her eyes land on where Logan’s phone lies on the floor. The perfect receiver for the situation.

Logan notices the way Michelle is looking at her and a wave of realisation washes over her. “No no no, Meech! You’re not drunk texting Jake.” She dismisses the idea and Michelle rolls her eyes in annoyance.

“Why not? It would be so funny.” Michelle points out and Quinn nods fiercely in agreement.

“No it wouldn’t! Jake would get pissed.” Logan counters their argument and shakes her head in denial. “Besides he’s probably asleep.”

“Even better.” Michelle mutters, snatching the phone off the floor before Logan can stop her. Logan only now regrets ever sharing her password with Michelle.

With a proud smirk, Michelle opens the phone and goes straight to messages, finding Jake’s name as the first one. Suddenly, she bursts out laughing when she notices something unusual in his contact name.

“Oh my god, Lo! Why is there a drooling emoji by his name?” Michelle mocks, her laughter only increasing the more words she gets out. Quinn quickly joins in on the giggles upon hearing that. “Aw, and a love heart. Cute.”

Logan hides her embarrassment by clapping her hands over her face. “Fuck off, Meech. Who knows what you have by Sean’s name?”

“Oh it’s just your standard hearts. You know, because I’m normal.” Michelle corrects, struggling to suppress her laughter. “Oh come on, Lo. Jake isn’t all that.”

“Well, you haven’t had him in bed like I have, huh Michelle?” Logan beams proudly, winking at Michelle, who looks like she’s on the verge of throwing up. Another idea pops into Michelle’s mind and Logan gets worried as she begins scrolling up. “What are you doing?”

“How about we look through your past conversations?” Michelle suggests, her malicious intentions clear but Logan knows just how to shut them down.

“Go ahead then. Keep scrolling if you want Jake’s dick embedded in your memory forever.” Logan retorts and instantly, Michelle is put off by the idea, her finger scrolling back down.

“Fine. You win that one. But we’re still drunk texting him.” Michelle clarifies, preparing to type something before turning to Quinn for suggestions. “Any ideas, Quinn?”

“I say, just start off by sending him a long ass heyyyyyy.” Quinn suggests and Michelle nods eagerly. “Any weird nicknames, Lo?”

Logan doesn’t respond, rolling her eyes in defeat. Clearly she’s just gonna accept that this is happening.

“Oh! Call him Princess.” Quinn exclaims, dancing with pride as she giggles with glee.

Michelle types out the message, adding a few extra emojis for good measure.

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Princess 🤤🥰❤️

“Threw in the drooling emoji so he knows it’s you, Lo.” Michelle points out, winking at an irritated Logan.

It takes a few minutes for Jake to reply, probably since he’s waking up from a slumber or something. Michelle and Quinn jump with eagerness and curiosity when the phone vibrates, signalling that a text has come through.

i thought it was my job to call you that darlin 😉

Michelle rolls her eyes at Jake’s response, hiding a mocking smirk. “Oh shit. One text in and he’s already hit us with the darlin’ crap.”

“And a winky face!” Quinn exclaims with forced shock. “Say something, Michelle!”

Well you’re a bootiful little princess sooo maybe that should be MYY job 🥺

Almost immediately, an offended response comes through.

Little?? 😂😂

Michelle is instantly confused by his reaction to her clearly mocking his masculinity. “Okay, so he reacts to being called little but is not offended by anything else?!”

“He’s just gonna laugh it off if you call him little.” Logan chimes in, shaking her head at how childish her friends are being right now.

“How do we piss him off then?”

“Like I’m gonna fucking tell you.” Logan denies, mimicking their mocking laughter.

Yes, little. You’re my little tiny babyyyyy 👶🤪

It takes a little longer for a response to come through this time. But when it does, it’s so worth the wait.

Are you drunk Princess???? 🤔

I thought you said you were sleeping early at Michelle’s.

Michelle reads the text aloud and that’s when Logan already can’t take it anymore. She rushes over and snatches back her phone before typing an apology to Jake.

Sorry baby. Michelle and Quinn stole my phone. 🙄

Logan moves to the other side of the room where Michelle and Quinn can’t sneak attack in order to get her phone back. Stressed, she runs a hand through her platinum hair as a response comes through.

Oh. Are they drunk???

Suddenly anxious that he’d find out she lied, she buries her face in the wall and curses under her breath, not sure how to respond to his question. In the distance, she can hear the snickers of Michelle and Quinn. Hell, Logan is still drunk herself so she doesn’t have complete control over herself right now.

No 🤫

Why did she have to add the emoji?! Why?

Pretty sure that means you’re hiding something princess 🤥

“Fuck!” Logan shouts as she gazes up at the ceiling hopelessly.

“Oh shit. Did Jake find out?” Quinn teases and Logan can’t hold back her frustration in that moment. In one swift motion, she takes off her shoe and tosses it at Quinn. The red head barely dodges it and her laughter only increases in reaction. “Nice shot.”

In the end, Logan just rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to her phone.

why would I lie to you?? you’re too pretty to be lied to 🥺

Oh shit. The drunk side of Logan is starting to really shine through.

yeahhhh you’re drunk too 😂damn i should’ve fucking known

Sure, he’s laughing about it. But it still fucking hurts that he found out this way. Thanks to Michelle and Quinn.

“Usually your fights turn to fucking so has it happened yet?” Michelle pipes up, only to receive a middle finger from Logan.

Out of nowhere, a phone call comes through from Jake and Logan freezes in place, unsure what to do.

“Oh wow. He’s calling you?” Quinn reacts, laughing igniting once more. “Better answer your loving husband.”

Logan sighs heavily before answering the phone, leaning against the wall as Jake’s muffled voice speaks through the call.

“Well, well, well, look who decided to get drunk and not invite me.”

Logan’s jaw drops at his reaction, not surprised with the constant teasing but more surprised by how little laughter is being expressed right now.

“Look, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have lied to you. I just wanted to avoid this.” Logan apologises, exhaling sharply after she speaks. She wipes the sweat that creases her forehead, unsure why she’s so nervous.

“Hey, it’s fine. Anything to have an excuse to talk to you is a good thing to me.”

Logan lets out a soothing sigh of relief, still haunted by the mocking laughter of Michelle and Quinn from the other side of the room. Jake appears to hear it too, judging by what he says next.

“Hey, darlin’. Put me on speaker for a moment.”

Logan grants his request and walks over to Michelle and Quinn with a newly found smirk on her face, countering the mischief on their expressions.

“Jake wants to say something.”

Michelle and Quinn listen out of curiosity to what Jake wishes to say.

“Yo, Chanel and Ariel.”

They both roll their eyes at the nicknames, their expressions of mockery finally falling.

“Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night.” Jake requests at calmly as he can and Michelle and Quinn burst out into laughter once again.

“Sure, pilot. We’re so sorry for interrupting your beauty sleep.”

Jake releases a frustrated huff and Logan knows he could lash out at both of them right here right now. Before he can say anything else, Logan turns off speaker phone and brings the device back to her ear.

“Now, now Jake. Let’s play nice, okay?” She tries to reason with him and he seems to obey, judging by the collected tone he speaks in next.

“Hmph. With them, I will. With you, I won’t.”

The husky tone of his voice and the innuendo behind his words leaves Logan breathless. An unexpected rush washes through her body in reaction.

“Well, you’re just gonna have to wait until I get home.”

“Or not. You could come home right now.”

Logan checks the time once more. 3:30am.

“Jake, it’s half past 3 in the morning.”

“I’ll come pick you up. Come on, darlin’. I’m sure right now you’d give anything to be away from Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.”

[littlehollyleaf]

Name ten favourite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.) 

Then tag ten people

Tagged (ages ago, whoops!) by @castiel-saved-me-from-myself 

(I’m sorry, I got distracted!)

1.Supernatural. Castiel.

Obviously. I may be out of the fandom now, but I’ve never loved a character as much as Cas, and probably never will.

2. Good Omens. Aziraphale.

Thought I’d put both my darling angels at the top :) I suspect that without Zira there to pave the way Castiel may not even have existed, so I love him double - for himself and for Cas as well :p 

While really quite different when it comes to their personalities (just think how Zira would SHUDDER at Cas’ trenchcoat), they share a lot of character traits and tropes (mini-series!Zira anyway, maybe less so in the book, or less obviously anyway), so, no surprise that I should adore them both. I’ve also said before, and I stand by it, that Aziraphale is sort of a combination of my favourite aspects of both Cas and Dean in one, with Cas’ struggle with Heaven/god and trying to be a good angel and finding he loves humanity/earth more, plus Dean’s whole ‘performing Dean’ thing and repression of queer feelings he is scared to admit to (out loud) because he believes they are somehow ‘wrong.’ 

...just to give a little insight into my feelings about these two that was neither needed nor asked for...

4. Hellblazer. NBC Constantine. Legends of Tomorrow. John Constantine. 

Aaaand the other guy I love twice because Cas, and indeed spn in general, kinda owe their existence to him. Though in turn his fabulous live action portrayal by Matt Ryan probably owes its existence to spn and Castiel’s popularity. So... there’s a weird ouroboros situation happening with my favs here that makes my head spin whenever I think about it, but I love it - stories within stories built on stories feeding off stories, which connects to wider themes of story and storytelling being vital and intrinsic to life and stuff.

Anyway, despite his wardrobe, Johnny is NOTHING LIKE CAS. He is, in fact, a lot like Dean. But I like him more. Maybe because he’s British :p He has the whole ‘repressing his feelings’ things, a bit like Zira, but it’s not because he thinks they are wrong, it’s more of a coping mechanism to deal with the constant tragedy/trauma his life/lifestyle/fate causes him to suffer. But whatever the reason, I like my characters facing that struggle :) (actually the British element is probably way more significant to my enjoyment of him than I’ve been fully aware of... that’s probably why I loved Zira so fast as well... obviously they are both a completely different class of British, literally, but the fact they ARE British is INTRINSIC to both their characters, and I guess a little, vaguely patriotic part of me is excited by that... :p)

4. Gotham. Edward Nygma.

Since I’ve started giving explanations - I love Eddie because he’s also got the whole ‘emotionally repressed’ / out of touch with (his) emotions thing going on (as seen in Zira and Cas), but with the addition of various geeky / ‘tech guy’ character traits that I also love.

5. Doctor Who (Classic). Vislor Turlough.

I waxed poetic once about how I liked Gotham’s Edward Nygma because he reminded me a bit of Turlough. That was early on in my Gotham days though and given how Eddie developed I don’t see as many similarities now. Turlough shares some of Eddie’s ‘dark’ traits however - self-centered, often lacking in empathy for others and nonplussed (sometimes even happy) to see them get into trouble or hurt. But ultimately his attempts to be self-serving and cowardly end up thwarted by him developing feelings for specific individuals despite his best efforts, which is what I enjoy about him (and actually that’s a lot like Eddie still, huh... their endgame’s are opposing though ofc - while Eddie goes on to embrace being a villain, Turlough gives up on villainy and even becomes a bit of a hero, now and then). Plus, Turlough is the ONLY Companion (IIRC?) to have joined the Doctor specifically in order to MURDER him and... idk, I just think that’s cool :P

6. Doctor Who (New). Donna Noble.

(I’m trying not to double up on fandoms/shows so I can cover more, but New and Classic Who count as different things, kinda, right...?)

Donna doesn’t really fit any of the character traits I’ve talked about above, though I guess her low self-esteem is something that all my other favs share in various ways (though it’s not such an EXPLICIT aspect of their characters and story arcs as it was for Donna I’d say). What I first loved about her was that after YEARS of New companions (and other randoms) being literally in love with the Doctor, she had a strictly platonic relationship with him. Yeah, I think maybe the show was a bit heavy-handed about it, but even so it came as a huge breath of fresh air and frankly a RELIEF to me. Not that I’m opposed to the Doctor having romantic/sexual  relationships, it was just that... coming from a childhood love of the Classic series where that just... didn’t happen (save a fleeting kiss in the TV Movie - which I actually enjoyed fyi!), it just... idk, was starting to stretch my credulity that EVERYONE seemed to be falling for him maybe? Or at least for me it was growing tiresome. So the fact she didn’t have that element to her character/story was a plus. Then I just adore how loud and brash she is when calling anyone, including the Doctor, out on their shit (I envy her that maybe). Plus I like the way she isn’t... traditional TV pretty, you know? (ie. young and slim, like a lot of other companions).

...or maybe I just like redheads *shrug emoji* 

7. Spartacus. Naevia.

(she has two actresses okay? and they both deserve kudos!)

Truth is I love FUCKING EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW. Spartacus is like... my PERFECT SHOW. There isn’t a single moment, a single plotline, a single character that I don’t enjoy. I have never even CONSIDERED looking up or writing fic because the finished product is completely satisfying exactly as it is. God. But I wanted it represented in this list so I had to pick someone!

Considering the time period there couldn’t really BE a ‘geeky, emotionally repressed with low self-esteem’ character :p BUT nearly ALL of the characters have the whole ‘struggle to understand/discover who they are’ thing and the ‘who I am and want to be is counter to who I’ve been told I am / should be’ arc, on account of the main cast being rebelling slaves (though the other characters are equally complex and compelling and I love them too - Lucy Lawless in particular is incredible!). Anyone who’s seen me blog about the show before might have thought I’d pick either Agron or Nasir as my favs, since I do like to squee over their romance. But whenever I think about the show it’s usually Naevia who I remember first, because her character arc/development just BLEW ME AWAY. She went from someone I’d kinda dismissed at first as a typical het love interest to a WARRIOR GODDESS and you SEE all the key moments of that growth, you FEEL it, it makes ALL THE SENSE. And her romance with Crixus, which again I was initially a bit dismissive of as a typical, sudden, weak het romance, grows into, imo, one of the deepest, most developed, most believable love stories in the show. So yeah. Naevia. Amazing.

8. Due South. Ray Vecchio. 

(he’s the guy not the dog - gifs were limited! ...also the dog is actually a wolf, it’s a whole thing... that doesn’t need exploring at this juncture)

Ray was my first TV crush :P He had a bit of a sidekick vibe to him I guess, which I like (lead characters tend not to interest me as much). He wasn’t ‘geeky’ exactly, but he def had the ‘trying to look/act cooler than I am’ thing going on... also an obsessive attachment to his vintage car... meanwhile his partner Benny was the stoic, ‘British, stiff upper lip, keep emotions in check’ one who was always trying to live up to the ideal persona dictated by his people/employers, in this case the Royal Canadian Mounted Police... HUH, so... it’s actually SUPER WEIRD that I ended up loving Cas and Zira over Dean and Crowley when it seems pretty clear suddenly that my first big fictional fav was CLEARLY the Dean-Crowley to Benny’s Cas-Zira......?? Ray was FUNNY in a way Dean and Crowley aren’t though, I think? He def filled a ‘comic relief’ slot on the regular and I liked that a lot (it also made his serious, angsty moments EXTRA serious and angsty, and extra angst is something I always love!)

9. The Librarians. Eve Baird.

Remember this little show? It was... is... sorta ridiculous. Not amazing. Based on some... very cheap, very OBVIOUS Indiana Jones rip-off films, that were also ridiculous and... not... great (the third one is the best, with an awesome performance by Stana Katic aka Kate Beckett as a vampire, but I digress). But... idek, I am EXTREMELY FOND of the series for some reason :p

There are a WHOLE BUNCH of characters that fit my ‘type’ more than Eve tbh... in fact... probably every.single.other.main.cast.member (save perhaps Jenkins?) shares the traits above that typically make a character my fav. But... EVE! I just... think she’s neat! ...maybe it’s BECAUSE all the others are main/lead characters that makes me gravitate towards her? In a cast where ‘geeky, socially awkward, struggles with emotions’ is the norm, Eve being the no-nonsense, socially competent, badass soldier type therefore becomes different and thus more interesting to me? Also, much like with Donna, I appreciate that she’s an older woman who gets to have a full character and plot of her own. There’s also something about her romance with Flynn that... makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jonathan Levinson.

(tumblr gif search failed me so I had to grab from elsewhere...)

Listen. Look. Okay. Buffy is pretty old school these days so, for anyone not in the know, as a character, originally, Jonathan... he wasn’t even a side character, he wasn’t even REOCCURRING, he was barely a background character. For several episodes he didn’t have a name and it wasn’t until several seasons after he became ‘Jonathan’ that he actually got a surname. Danny Strong was just an actor who happened to be occasionally on-hand when the script called for a random to have a line, until eventually that happened often enough for Joss to think ‘hey, you know what, let’s make this guy an actual part of the show...’ 

He got a couple of episodes focused on him in S03 and S04 respectively, but didn’t become a regular until S06 (and wasn’t in S05 AT ALL). Other than that he had a HANDFUL of ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moments here and there, not even full scenes for the most part, usually lasting no longer than the above gif.

I tell you all this so that when I say childhood me (well... somewhere between 12 and 14 years anyway) was OBSESSED with this character in the show, and I mean O B S E S S E D (to the point of spending hours painstakingly making VHS recordings purely of the episodes he was in), you understand how UTTERLY BIZARRE that was. Because this obsession pre-dated S06. Was, in fact, in full swing during the airing of his S04 episode - which was, like, a fucking DREAM COME TRUE for freakily obsessed me fyi, because the whole episode was constructed with him as the LEAD CHARACTER, because he’d performed a spell to make him super awesome. They even changed the title sequence to read ‘Jonathan’ instead of Buffy! And while other fans were no doubt just lol-ing at the random I was bouncing about on my sofa all ‘MY TIME HAS COME!’ and fucking SWOONING over seeing MY CHARACTER suddenly in the spotlight and getting to do crazy fun OOC shit like this -

Then when S06 rolled around and HE WAS A LEGIT REGULAR, omg, I was in HEAVEN! First TV boxset I ever bought that - Buffy S06 :P

So... yeah. A bit of a fav. Geeky. Outcast. Slowly grows more morally grey, what with that spell I mentioned and also the fact he was teamed with the ANTAGONISTS in S06. I guess you could say he was the beginning of a lot of my fav fictional character traits/tropes (though looking back - I think his ‘villainous’ teammates in S06, Andrew and Warren, are more my ‘type’ these days, and I did end up loving Andrew especially a whole damn lot, but at the time I’d been a Jonathan fangirl for so.fucking.long. there was just no chance anyone else in the show was ever gonna come close to my heart!)

THE END.

Sorry not sorry for the tmi. I got a bit too into this one.

Actually sorry I have so few women on the list :( Internalised misogyny/sexism is a real thing and I spent a lot of my life being... somewhat unfairly dismissive of female characters or at least prioritising male ones over them. I’m working on it.

Ten people is SO.MANY. to tag. But I might as well do this right this time, since I’ve come so far. But if you’d rather not play, no worries! <3

@enchantersnight @momecat @bold-sartorial-statement @vampirebillionaire @edwardnashtons @miss-olivia-cellophane @knightinpinkunderwear @supes9 @leaper182 @hamburgergod

Honourable mentions (because I CAN):

Gotham. Lucius Fox.

Gotham. Fish Mooney.

Gotham. Tabitha Galavan.

Doctor Who. The Doctor.

Doctor Who. The Master/Missy.

Supernatural. Hannah.

Supernatural. Naomi.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Andrew Wells.

[jazzypizzaz]

end of the year fic meme 2019

I’ve done this roundup the last several years since I started writing fic regularly, so I figured I should do it again this year even though I thought I barely wrote anything... *spoilers* not actually true!

statistics:  I wrote 8 fics this year, ~32k total words, which is less than 2018 but not actually by much?? still a decent amount. huh.  I knew I had only written a couple Star Trek fics, but I guess forgot that there was that month I wrote as much The Tick fic as I could. ten questions:

1. What’s your personal favorite thing you wrote this year?

Like a Jolt of Espresso to the Skin which is Arthur/Tick smut ^_^.  This pair is in LOVE and they are TENDER and they are HORNY for each other.  Write what you want to read I guess!

2. What’s your least favorite thing you wrote this year?

I actually feel rather strongly about everything I wrote this year!  I guess something feels like it could be better in Dark Horses of the Night (Arthur hurt/comfort), but I’m not sure what because I do like each element in it...*shrug emoji*

3. Which of your fics was most different from what you usually write?

Hmm.  Maybe all the Tick fics in that it wasn’t Star Trek?  But otherwise all the types of fics were pretty standard fare for what I write in general I think.  I suppose the thing I did somewhat differently than usual was the two time lapse / snapshots over a period of years fics -- Every Time We Kiss and Closing Time.

4. Which of your fics this year was most successful?

Kiss and Run (Arthur&Dot + Arthur/Tick).  It’s funny, it’s sweet, it makes me happy, it had good timing with the brief flash fandom... I’m happy people liked it because it was another one of those write-what-you-want-to-read fics.

5. Which of your fics do you wish was more successful? Hmmmmm idk I’m pretty happy with reception to all of them?  Untangled (Michael Burnham &/ Sylvia Tilly) has the fewest comments and kudos, but it’s also the most recently posted, rather short, and tbh I wrote it really fast so don’t have as much investment in its reception (though I do think it turned out rather good). 6. What’s your favorite piece of dialogue you wrote this year? from Every Time We Kiss, I like the amount of tension I infused into this exchange:

“It feels different than with Nerys,” Odo said slowly.

“Before you ask, it was too brief for me to diagnose your problem." Quark faced the shelf again and took his time finding a place for the orange bottle. He was having trouble concentrating on what the label said. His hand wouldn’t stop shaking. “The teaser was free but you’ll have to pay for the rest. If that wasn’t clear.”

The side of Odo’s mouth quirked. “Is that so.”

also while I’m (over)indulging myself, here’s this bit (cries forever THEY’RE IN LOVE):

“You’re the most disconcerting, paradoxical, beguiling solid I’ve ever met. No one else of any kind even compares.”

“Odo,” Quark breathes. “Here I thought I’d finally be rid of you.”

ALSO ALSO I adored coming up with Tick-isms, so i’ll highlight my favorites of those because the Tick! THE TICK!:

Kiss and Run

“Because when we kiss, it’s like our mouths are connected to each other’s hearts -- and elsewhere -- careening down a log flume on a one-way river to love. Like hugging, but wetter! Hugging with our mouths, and our hearts. And to that I say one thing -- splish splash.”

Like a Jolt of Espresso to the Skin

I always want to touch you, chum. You make me into a telephone wire, a crackling lifeline of expression shouted into the ether, electrocuting birds! You make me FEEL! The Arthur connection: it’s a jolt of espresso to the skin!

Dark Horses of the Night

There’s nothing that a hug can’t do! It’s the snake oil rhino horn cure that actually works. A panacea that tastes like pancetta! The shark’s fin that’s actually made of shark. Sharks can’t hug, but the Tick can! It’s all in the arms.

7. What’s your favorite piece of description or narration? ummm trying to balance action, comedy, and dialogue was a big challenge in Forever is a Skyscraper (Let’s Leap Together) (Tick/Arthur), but I like how it turned out, so I will say the dinosaur-fighting portion in that one.

this also isn’t necessarily description or narration, rather a combo of how all the elements fit together, but Closing Time (Julian/Quark) ??? *chef’s kiss* THE ANGST 8. Which fic this year was most fun to write? Tick-isms in general were really fun to play with.  also Giving Head (quodo) because boy oh boy do I love some dumb body horror smut. :3 9. If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be? my secret is....... if something bothers me I just go back and change it, propriety be damned. >_<  I think the ones I did that the most with were Every Time We Kiss (especially getting the ending right) and Kiss and Run (there wasn’t an actual kiss and run in the first posting??? idk yall).

10. What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year? *SHRUG EMOJI*  there’s still a couple partial drafts that I’d like to work on, but mostly my “goal” is just not to push myself to write if I’m not feeling inspired, particularly because I’m feeling sorta removed from fandom at the moment.  we’ll see!!!  ~anything could happen~

[suggestionsofthecaribbean]

Chat: Girls’ Night

Feat. @lizzyswann-turnersuggestions, @giselletortugasuggestions, @anamariasuggestions, & @angelicasuggestions

TL;DR: The girls of the reluctant Jack Sparrow Rescue Mission join for a night of drinking wine, dragging Jack, and offering advice on each other’s love lives whether it’s been asked after or not.  

Come to see Angelica and Anamaria become the hottest it couple of the Caribbean, learn Elizabeth’s true feelings on James Norrington and discover a truly horrifying secret only Giselle can impart...

Elizabeth had never hosted a party.  She had been the guest of honor at a few parties her father had thrown for her birthday, and that when she was younger - when she was old enough to host her own parties, her friends had largely moved or married out of Port Royal society.  Too proud to ask either James or Giselle for advice this time on how to adapt Port Royal party customs to a quartet of cool pirates, she decided on several basic necessities: food; drink, both alcoholic and otherwise; some kind of rag in case there was a spill; the potential props in order to play games, but kept out of the way so that no one felt obligated; company (so adieu, Captain Norrington, girls only); and, naturally, rules.  She was explaining that to the first arrivals on the scene. Elizabeth (to whom it may concern): Teasing is tolerated, bullying is not.  If you want to behave like one of the men you can go sit with them if you like.  I will be very clear on this point: if anyone wakes in the morning with something written on her head, so help me God, we will find the culprit and we will dunk her."  [mood shifting out of Pirate King mode] ...But I think that covers it.[Giselle puts her hand up] Giselle: Can we write elsewhere? Angelica: Can we write on the guys if/when they fall asleep? Ana: I was gonna suggest no writing on people without permission but I’m in if we are writing on the guys. Elizabeth: [pointing at Giselle] Excellent question! No. [pointing at Angelica, then Ana] Hang on a minute. What guys are going to be here? Angelica: Not here, on the rest of the ship. We can sneak out when it gets dark Elizabeth: I dunno if that's really covered by the all-girl-party rules.  I was just sort of thinking of establishing ground rules - ground here being my cabin.  Outside of it you can do what you like, can't you? Angelica: That sounds fair Angelica: Also I brought wine, if anyone's interested [Giselle gives a thumbs up, already getting into the snacks] Ana: Works for me! And I’ll take a glass. Angelica, pouring wine for Ana: So what do you usually do on a girl's night? Giselle, mouth stuffed full: Not have sex with men. Elizabeth: [poker face] Ana: It was rare we’d ever have one, but I grew up with four older sisters. We would talk shit about the boys around town, do each other’s hair sometimes, drink. Angelica: That sounds lovely Angelica: and not having sex with men can definitely be accomplished Elizabeth: ...yeah, mostly gossip and drink.  Discuss - [cough] - discuss anything you're not supposed to be discussing in mixed company. Angelica: it's okay you can say sex life Angelica: how's the former navy man? [Giselle manifests popcorn] [Anamaria chokes on her drink trying not to laugh] [Angelica sips wine] Elizabeth: [turning red] ..... as he is your captain, I don't know if it would be, hm, civil to discuss it- Angelica: how about we all tell each other a secret, to make things fair for poor lizzie? Giselle: Well it's not like we can't hear it Elizabeth: [loudly whispering] GISELLE Ana: Can’t say I’m not disappointed to not hear that gossip, but we don’t all have to talk about anything we’re not comfortable with. This is supposed to be a fun night, no stress. Ana: Or men. Which is like the same thing. Angelica: cheers to that Elizabeth: [takes a  big swallow of wine and elects to stay silent] Giselle: Well, in terms of secrets, I'm willing to share some Angelica: Oh? Giselle: [takes a delicate sip of wine] i was once part a group of ladies brought in to entertain some fancy pirate lords Elizabeth: [leaning in from where she's decided to sit] Anyone i know? Ana: [gets comfortable, grinning] Oh God here we go! Angelica: I fear the worst Giselle: i think i'm the only one what can claim to have undone both jack sparrow AND his father Elizabeth: Angelica: That might be the worst sentence I've ever heard, are you okay sweetie? Giselle: a bit itchy sometimes but overall alright Angelica: I can imagine Ana: I have no words. I kind of want to high five you and also forget I ever heard that. Angelica: I second that Ana: Does Jack know?? Giselle: don't think they talk much Giselle: kinda want to see his face when he finds out Ana: That’s exactly what I was thinking Angelica: I brought him up once and jack straight up left Angelica: just walked out Ana: Oh. I’ve only ever heard stories about his father, but never from him... Elizabeth: If it's not too forward - how do you know Jack? Angelica: Let's just say it's his fault that I'm not a nun anymore Ana: He DIDN’T. Of course he did. Elizabeth: [unintentionally melodramatic hand-pressed-to-heart reaction] Angelica: I learned the hard way that Spanish monasteries take chastity very seriously Elizabeth: ... I am so sorry. Ana: I swear to God he ruins everything he comes across. [rolls eyes and takes a drink] Elizabeth: I don't have anything even comparable to that, but he did try to trade my hus- [winces, collects herself] He tried to trade my ex-husband to Davy Jones to free his own soul.  And lied to me about it the whole time, letting me think he was doing everything in his power to save the man i loved, who had been cruelly forced into service by Jones.  He was just using all of us to get to the heart of Davy Jones, and he didn't care what became of us along the way. Ana: I...I’m so sorry you were treated that way. He can be a complete bastard. Sometimes he even takes pride in it...but I can’t imagine he’s proud of all that. That doesn’t make what he did any better though. Giselle: ………we should leave him to rot Ana: I sometimes wonder why we don’t. He owes me a debt, at least, is what I say my reason is for going after him. Elizabeth: ...Beckett's got warrants for our - I mean mine, Will's and James' - executions... all because we helped Jack out of his own. Elizabeth: I don't know, I guess if he just dies somewhere it's like it was all for nothing. Angelica: And I thought he fucked my life up Angelica: Are you guys okay? Elizabeth: I'm the Pirate King. I'm fine. [hesitates and chews on her lower lip] ... I don't know about James so much. Angelica: Well he's got the bastard himself pursuing him despite everything Angelica: Can't be much fun Angelica: why are we even talking about him, I thought this was girl's night?Angelica: Can't we shift the conversation to something more uplifting Elizabeth: I mean, it's certainly an icebreaker - he's the one thing we all have in common. Ana: Can you imagine how terrified he’s going to be when he comes back to find we’re all friends? Angelica: God you're right about that Angelica: Must be his worst nightmare Ana: We have to scare the SHIT out of him! Angelica: Honestly the only thing that he'd find worse than this would be if we were dating or something Angelica: So I think we're good to go Ana: [winks] Line up, I’ve got two secret admirers already. Elizabeth: [turns extremely red at that one and crams pretzels into her mouth] Angelica: That you do, any updates on that by the way? Ana: No. One’s a naval officer but it’s not James obviously so who even knows. And the other one’s part of the crew, but God knows who it is. Angelica: Yeah I have no clue to be honest Angelica: What do the rest of you think? Elizabeth: [shrugs broadly] As you put it, Anamaria, I've never had a secret admirer, and I don't know the first thing about them. Ana: Alright. But you or James probably know the crew better than I do, so if you ever have a theory let me know. Angelica: This is like a mystery novel Elizabeth: The real mystery is how any of these men learned how to write poetically. Angelica: How do we know if it's a man? Angelica: I mean the naval officer, obviously Giselle: [defensively] nehemiah's a poet! what with his hashtags and quips Elizabeth: [patting her on the arm] Yes, but he's not writing Anamaria, because he's taken. Giselle: [glances between anamaria and angelica, stuffing popcorn in her mouth - SHE HAS THEORIES] Angelica: [sips wine] I'm just saying Ana: I mean it’s either a guy or one of us, if they’re on the crew. Or they could be lying. Angelica: If it's jack I'm going to throw myself in the sea Ana: Pfffft he would have his work cut out for him if he tried. And it doesn’t seem to be his ghost messages so I think I’m in the clear Angelica: Oh that's right he does That Giselle: you should look for hidden messages Giselle: like them emoji Elizabeth: Like, the emojis being clues to the identity of the sender? Giselle: yes! we're all pirates, we're supposed to do hidden clues and such Angelica: idk guys this doesn't look like it could lead to anything Angelica: pretty normal looking if you ask me Giselle: it's a star Giselle: stars shine bright in the night Giselle: so do…… lighthouses!! it's a lighthouse keeper!!! Elizabeth: [wanting to preserve Giselle's feelings but not on board with this] I think it might just be an emoji they think is very nice. Elizabeth: Maybe you should ask Nehemiah! He knows, I'm sure, lots about emojis. Angelica: do we know any lighthouse keepers? Angelica: It sounds like a Solid theory to me Ana: I’m gonna agree with Elizabeth on this one Elizabeth: If they haven't conveyed their identity yet, I'm sure they have a good reason. Angelica: They might be scared or something idk Elizabeth: When my - it took Will a long time to tell me he loved me.  He had to be sure how I felt about him.  There was... It doesn't matter anymore. Nevermind. Angelica: Aw hun, you don't have to think about that Angelica: Do you want some wine? Elizabeth: Thanks, but I should probably watch how much I drink. Angelica: Fair enough, that means it's more for me Elizabeth: ...anyway. They'll tell you when they're ready, I know it. Angelica: Let's hope they do Elizabeth: They just want to be sure she'll accept them for who they are. Angelica: Oh yes I'm sure Angelica: If you got to choose, who would you want them to be, ana? Ana: I wouldn’t even know, I was always working with family, or just working so much I hardly cared. Never really thought about love. Ana: My dad left my mom when I was really young so I guess I just never thought it was worth enough to go looking for love. I haven’t been unhappy without romance. [shrugs] Angelica: I understand that, though in my experience that's just something that men do Elizabeth: [chatting w giselle about james' clothes lol] Angelica: No offense to you two, liz, Giselle Angelica: I'm sure your boys are fine Elizabeth: ...yeah, I'm usually the guilty party. Angelica: Oh really? Elizabeth: .... Exited an engagement to get engaged to someone else. Annulled that marriage to get with someone else again.  [beat] ...Kissed Jack during the second engagement. But it was to kill him, so, you know.[avoiding everyone's eyes] And.... even in a good place, I still think about other people. It's. [huff] It's confusing. Angelica: Maybe you're just not meant for monogamy? I've met plenty of people who made alternatives work Elizabeth: [mumbling] I don't think that's it. Giselle: i feel like it's okay to kiss someone outside your engagement if it means jack sparrow dies Angelica: Oh I'm totally with you on that one Giselle: but aside from that, i'm happy with how slow things are going with nehemiah - ain't never met anyone what didn't want to get my knickers off as quick as they could Angelica: But from what I can tell, that's not always the case is it? Ana: One of my older sisters used to say she was “window shopping”—she didn’t feel bad about looking at attractive men as long as she didn’t “make a purchase” while she was with another. Angelica: That's quite the philosophy, and completely understandable Elizabeth: .....Or attractive women. Angelica: Oh cheers to that Angelica: Being attracted to women is 90% of my life honestly Elizabeth: [peeping up at her in relief, and also... more relief] So that's - that's completely normal? Angelica: I mean if you ask me, it totally is Angelica: Maybe you should ask your man if he's up for a threesome? That way you could get in touch with some ladies Elizabeth: [COLORING] That's not really- nevermind. Angelica: It’s not for everyone, I get that Ana: [lets out a breath] I hadn’t even noticed that I found women attractive until someone thought to ask. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Giselle: i mean, threesomes are alright, i ain't never had a problem being with the ladies, but you had to share the money after… Angelica: Thought threesomes would cost extra? Giselle: they do Giselle: they do Giselle: i just don't like sharing my money Angelica: fair enough Elizabeth: [laughs out loud] Ana: [chuckling] I mean, you earned it, I get that. Angelica: [nodding in agreement] You worked hard Elizabeth: ...Giselle, have you ever been in love?  Before Nehemiah, I mean. Giselle: love's a bit of a fool's game in my old line of work, y'know? they start askin for free what you can charge ten shillins for Elizabeth: What'd you charge Jack? Angelica: I could have charged him?? Giselle: [huffs quite loudly and mutters into her wine] not enough considerin Ana: If I’d charged him he probably would’ve stolen it back anyway. Angelica: That's true Angelica: He's tricky like that Angelica: did he leave anything behind when he passed away btw? Anamaria: Whatever, I was using him for sex right back, would’ve evened out if he didn’t take my boat Elizabeth: I don't know how, but I heard Tia Dalma has what's left of him. Ana: Did someone loot the body? Angelica: Isn't she the swamp witch? Feels a little weird to leave a dead body with her Elizabeth: .... was it. Was it any good? Ana: ...I don’t like to talk about it because I hate admitting that it was. He doesn’t need to know that. Elizabeth: [presses her hands over her mouth and lets out a little squeal]  I want to know about it though! Elizabeth: I'm the only woman here who hasn't- you know. Angelica: [nodding] I'm not saying it was worth it but all I'm saying is that his mouth is good for more than talking Angelica: The mustache does tickle tho Elizabeth: [is gonna die] Ana: ...yeah I’m gonna pass that question off to Angelica and Giselle. I only ever did it the once anyway. Angelica: For the record I'd like to inform you all that I'm better than him Elizabeth: [moves her hands from covering her mouth to just burying her entire face in her palms] Angelica: I do hope your little navy man takes good care of you sweetheart Angelica: I always say that if he won't go down on you he's not worth your time Elizabeth: [muffled groan] Angelica: [sips wine] Ana: We could be your wingmen if you need it? I can’t tell if you’re embarrassed or upset because your face is covered. Angelica: I can make a powerpoint if you want Angelica: to show james Ana: He seems in love enough he’d probably do whatever to please you. Elizabeth: [pulling her hands down, composing herself immediately, after a moment to sniff as though she was on the verge of crying] I'm good. It's - we're good. Thank you. Elizabeth: [glances at Anamaria with a particularly fond smile at her statement that James looooves her] [because aww] Angelica: Eating ya girl out is part of being in love, everyone knows this Angelica: Just fyi if anyone here is thinking of dating me Elizabeth: [lifts just one hand to hier brow to make it out like she's scratching her temple but is really just momentarily avoiding Angelica's eyes] Angelica: [sips wine] Ana: Maybe if I did date someone the secret admirers would finally speak up about who they were.. Angelica: That might be uh, that could work maybe possibly Ana: I wouldn’t want to use someone like that, though. I dunno, stupid idea. Elizabeth: [hands end up clasped over her mouth again, but she doesn't say anything much] Angelica: I mean I could help you, if you want Angelica: That's what friends are for, right? Ana: What, like, fake date? You’d be okay with that? Angelica: Yeah, totally! :) If it helps us find the admirer then any tactic is good Angelica: plus it might scare jack Ana: That WOULD be hilarious. I mean, if you’re sure you’re okay with it, it’s worth a shot? Angelica: I don't see why not :)))) as long as you're comfortable with it Ana: Alright. I’m sorry I’ll probably be pretty awkward, I haven’t been in a relationship in ages Angelica: Oh no I'm sure you'll do great ️Angelica: So uh Angelica: Do we announce it? Ana: I guess so...? Elizabeth what did you do when you and James started seeing each other? Elizabeth: I... don't know that there's anything to compare to this. Angelica: If we want the admirer to see it we can't be discreet, right? Ana: I guess not, I just don’t really know what to post. It’s not like tumblr has a relationship status thing Elizabeth: Oh, hell. [laughs, albeit a little tensely] Elizabeth: Actually.  I think that's nearly the same as this. Ana: [concerned] Elizabeth, are you alright? Elizabeth: I'm fine.  There's just a whole lot of irony going around. Angelica: If you talk about it, maybe you'll feel better? Elizabeth: What's any of you know about James and I? Angelica: Not much, but if we knew more then we might be able to help you Angelica: We just want what's best for you darling Ana: I know you two are very close, he cares about you a lot. That’s about it. Elizabeth: Uh. Well. Elizabeth: James proposed to me in Port Royal the day I was first abducted by pirates.  I accepted him after he rescued me later, but I was in love with somebody else and he let me go. Elizabeth: I didn't mean to end my entire marriage for him.  I wish I could say I did.  But it just sort of happened when Will and I met up and I told him how I was feeling. Elizabeth: Then, you know, James showed up in Tortuga and they tried to lynch him.  I put a stop to that, and - more or less, people thought I was getting some... Use out of him.  So yeah. Elizabeth: [back to business] Same as you, pretty much.  We faked it really.  I was only keeping him in my room since I thought somebody might try to finish hanging him if they got him alone. Angelica: So it was a bit of a coincidence, is what you're saying? Elizabeth: A huge one! Imagine if he'd showed up just a little earlier than I did. I'd have been too late. Angelica: Oh yeah he'd be dead af Ana: So are you saying it’s still kinda fake now? Elizabeth: It's pretty real now.  I just don't know where it's going. Angelica: Well are you happy? Do you love him? Elizabeth: I'm. I'm not sure. Elizabeth: I'm not sure if I've ever really been in love. Elizabeth: [covers her eyes again as though she's getting a headache] Let's not talk about me. Angelica: No but sweetie, we need to solve this Angelica: You look like it's really eating you up [she puts her arms around liz] Elizabeth: [groans, inwardly, outwardly, globally, spiritually, on the astral plane, etc] Elizabeth: I've said I love him, but I don't know what I feel. Except guilt! I feel so much guilt! Angelica: I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but you might need some time to work on yourself darling Angelica: I'm not necessarily saying you should call things quits completely, but it sounds like this could end up being bad for both you and James Elizabeth: I can't do that to him.  I was just talking to him about us. Angelica: Listen, you can't move things too fast if you're not sure about this. Whatever you decide to do, that's one point I cannot stress enough Ana: Sorting through your emotions on your own time, either by yourself or with people you’re comfortable with, doesn’t mean you have to leave James behind, or even go on a break. Elizabeth: Angelica, if i took that advice, I would be on an island in the Caribbean somewhere, starving. With Jack Sparrow. Elizabeth: I've spent the last three years of my life moving too fast. Angelica: Then maybe it's time to calm down a little. Focus on your career or something Elizabeth: But I do care about him. Elizabeth: And it's not Jack that ruined his life, it's me. I did that. Elizabeth: He let Jack go because I stepped in and asked him. Elizabeth: Hell. If I had married him, he might not have chased Jack into a hurricane, either. Elizabeth: I owe him a lot.  And he needs my protection - he worked for Beckett for a year and no one trusts him. Angelica: Sweetie, you can't be in a relationship just because you feel like you owe the guy something. That's not healthy and certainly not fair to him Angelica: With your position I'm sure you can grant him some form of protection, as for what you owe him there are other ways to pay that debt off Elizabeth: [a little stubbornly] It's not the only reason. It's part of the reason. Angelica: A reason still, you should never feel like you owe a significant other anything Angelica: How would you feel if it were the other way around? Elizabeth: If James felt that he owed me? Angelica: exactly Elizabeth: I think he does feel that he owes me. Angelica: Then that's no good either Elizabeth: [desperately] Do we really have to talk about this? Angelica: If it's making you uncomfortable then we don't have to, but I do think you should talk to someone about this Elizabeth: There's nothing to talk about. Angelica: [shrugging] if you say so... Elizabeth: [crossing her arms, but thankfully not evoking either pirate king or captain status to get her way, just sulking] I do. Angelica: Yeah I can tell :) Ana: Well I might be shit at relationship advice but I’m fantastic at changing the subject. We ranted about Jack already but we haven’t dragged Beckett? Angelica: The only thing I know about him is that he's short and a Bitch Giselle: short and obsessed with himself - we all, 'cept cap'n swann, ree-gret-ah-blee have a kom-man-al-ihtee with him Angelica: Oh really? And with that, Girls’ Night amiably returned to slumber-party standards: subjects were changed, wine was had by all, and eventually men’s faces were defaced with mysterious sigils such as approximations of the eggplant emoji and the exotic incantation only known as DEEZ NUTS... and what horrors it summons, none yet live who can speak of it.

[tayegi]

New Rules Ch. 1 (m)

fratboy!Jungkook smut/angst

Word Count: 12,623

"Jeon Jungkook just friend requested me on facebook. Huh."

"What?" Your roommate snaps up in her seat, frozen for a split second, before she's rushing across the room to throw herself on your bed, "Are you serious?!"

You nod and numbly show her your laptop, where the little notification glows in the corner of your screen, "What does he want from me?"

"I have no clue," Mijoo says with genuine bewilderment, "Have you ever even spoken to him before?"

"He's in my writing seminar," you explain, "It's an 8 am class, so I see him about once every two weeks when he turns in assignments."

Mijoo's lips twitch at that description, "Typical Jeon."

"Yup. And I wouldn't have noticed either, but it's a small class, and the girls always go crazy preening themselves on the day our papers are due… I nearly suffocated in their perfume last time. Such a nuisance… Seriously, what does he want from me?"

"I really can't think of anything," Mijoo says as she scratches her head, "Have you posted a bikini photo recently?"

"Pssht. Not where my future employers can find me."

"Hmm. Maybe your profile photo has a lot of cleavage?"

"I'm wearing a raincoat!"

"Then I really don't know why he would've friended you."

The two of you frown at each other in mutual perplexity for a few seconds, before you shrug, "Oh well, who cares? I'm going to reject his friend request."

"Wait, what? ___, no!" Mijoo screeches, diving to grab your wrist before you can click the little "delete request" button.

"Huh? What's wrong?" You ask in confusion as you try to shake your hand out of her reach.

"You can't just reject Jeon Jungkook's friend request!"

"What? Why not? Should I block him too?"

"No! What's wrong with you?!" She exclaims in distress.

"What do you mean?" you ask, taken aback by her dramatic reaction.

"This is the Jeon Jungkook, ___. Aka youngest member of the varsity soccer team and the hottest guy in beta tau sigma—potentially the hottest guy in the entire Greek system. How could you possibly not accept his friend request?!"

"When have you cared about something as superficial as that?" You complain as you attempt to reach for the keypad again, "So what? Big whoop."

But Mijoo screeches like a banshee and tackles you onto the bed when you try to reject again, "I'm not joking, ___, you have to accept! What if this is your chance with him? Jungkook doesn't go around friending any old girl."

"I bet he does," you grumble, "It says here that he has over a thousand facebook friends."

"Still, this could be your chance!"

"I don't want a chance with him! I don't want to catch whatever nasty diseases he reeks of."

"___, come on!" Mijoo is practically whining at this point, "Think of all the cool beta tau sigma parties we'll be invited to!"

"When have I ever given a fuck about frat— wait… oh my god…" you gasp, eyes widening as you suddenly realize your best friend's motivation, "You're only interested because of Park Jimin!"

"Hmm? Jimin? What about him?" She coyly feigns obliviousness.

"Don't you try to lie to me. Everyone knows that Jimin and Jungkook are practically joined at the hip."

"Oh are they?" She continues to play pretend, "I didn't notice."

"Bullshit!" you cry out, "Who the fuck do you think you're kidding, woman? Can you get more obvious without tattooing 'Park Jimin' on your ass? It's obvious he owns it anyways."

Mijoo flushes at that and instantly dives across the bed to lunge for you, "Shut up!" She exclaims, trying to strangle you with her dainty hands while you roll around howling with laughter. "Ugh! You're so immature!"

"And you're about as subtle as a flying brick," you chortle, "Mijoo and Jimin sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n—"

"Oh my god!" She shrieks, jumping on you to slap a hand over your mouth, "Someone might hear you! How are you so ridiculously immature?!"

You giggle at her embarrassment, and quickly loop your arms around her neck to calm her down, "Okay, I'll accept his request."

"It's okay if you don't," Mijoo huffs, ego clearly bruised by your teasing, "I really couldn't care one way or the other."

"Too late, I already accepted!" You brightly exclaim as you hit the little button. Then your face abruptly drops, "Mijoo… Why does this kid have so many shirtless selfies?!"

Hey.

You stare at the single word on your screen for a long time, trying to make sense of the three little characters. Why would Jeon Jungkook send you this a mere ten minutes after you accepted his friend request? It's almost like he was waiting for your response…

Should you respond back? Or wait for Mijoo to get back from class? She literally just walked out the sorority's front door a minute ago. It wouldn't be too late to chase after her… But you don't want her to stress over such a little thing. She's highstrung enough as it is. No, the logical course of action is to just wait for Mijoo to come home and give you guidance.

Um… you there?

You frown in disapproval, surprised by the audacity of this practical stranger to double message you, when you realize that Jungkook can see if you've read his messages. Cold sweat slides down your spine at the thought of leaving Jimin's best friend on read. Forget waiting for Mijoo. She'll forgive you later.

Yeah, you quickly type back, what's up?

I've just seen you around my writing seminar… And I was just wondering if you knew when the poetry assignment was due?

Your brow furrows. Is he just beating around the bush right now? Or does he actually want the assignment? Oh. It's due next week.

Really? K. thanks.

You pause again as you re-read his casual response. What do you do now? How can you possibly salvage this situation and spark up a conversation that will hopefully lead to Mijoo and Jimin? But it seems hopeless at this point, unless you ask straight up and embarrass Mijoo. Sighing with disappointment, you send him a lackluster thumb's up emoji.

After a second, you see that he's read your response. Shrugging, you're about to log out of facebook and open up your homework for the night, when you suddenly see three dots pop up on the bottom of the chat box followed by a Jungkook is typing…

Pleasantly surprised, you abandon all thoughts of homework as you flop to a more comfortable position on your belly, curious to see what he might say. Clearly, he's not interested in the homework. His absence since the start of the semester was evidence enough. He's also trying to play cupid, but both of you are too awkward to say it outright.

Hey, idk about you, but this poetry assignment makes no sense to me. Wanna meet up and talk about it?

You snort at the audacity of his words. It sounds like he's asking you out. Anyone else would spend some time skirting around the issue, out of respect for you, and embarrassment about any potential rejection. But this fuckboi clearly isn't used to any woman saying no to him. You're tempted to reject his offer, just for vindictive satisfaction. But, alas, you must do this for your beloved Mijoo.

Sure. You message him back, every bit as nonchalant in tone as he is. Just tell me the time and place.

The next day, you find yourself sitting at a café by yourself, idly swirling your spoon around in your cappuccino as you glance at the clock for the hundredth time. Jeon Jungkook is late… as expected. It's your fault really for expecting the fuckboi to show up on time on a Friday morning. You'd be surprised if he showed at all. BTS is notorious for their thirsty Thursday parties after all…

You're about to resign yourself to your unfortunate fate and pack up your things for the day when a handsome, dark-haired man suddenly bursts in on the scene. Heads turn in interest at his approach in the small café, then lower again in disappointment when it becomes obvious that he's with you.

"Sorry I'm late," Jungkook greets you with a disarming smile as he slips into the seat across from you.

You moodily stir your lukewarm coffee as you try to choke back your feelings of annoyance. With that face of his, this kid probably thinks he can get away with anything. You'd love to teach him a lesson, but now is neither the time nor place for that. "It's fine," you say through gritted teeth.

"There was a huge clean-up effort at the beta tau sigma house," Jungkook explains as he flags down the waiter for an Americano, "It took us hours to get all the foam out of the living room… It was seriously wild," he laughs.

It's like this kid is a walking cliché of the world's most basic fuckboi. And of course, he doesn't seem the least bit hungover. "Hmm," you say, feigning interest as you take a sip of your coffee, "That sounds cool."

"It really was. You should've come."

"Ah, I wasn't invited."

"Really? Ok, here's me inviting you for next time."

Is this guy really so loose with his invitations that he'd freely allow a practical stranger in his house? "Thanks," you politely smile, "I might just take you up on that offer."

"Yeah, anytime. And if you have any friends who want to tag along, you're all more than welcome… You have a roommate, right?"

Ah, here it comes… "Yeah, Mijoo," you say.

"Oh right. That's her name. You should bring her as well," he smoothly says, as though he honestly thought you were too stupid to catch on.

"Right. I will."

There's a moment of awkward silence as the two of you smile stiffly at each other. Then Jungkook clears his throat loudly and busies himself with digging through his bag, "So, about that poetry assignment… Um… It's pretty easy, huh?"

You raise an eyebrow, "I thought you said you didn't get it?" You could've made this easy for him and played along with his pretenses… But you were getting a little fed up and wanted to cut this short.

"Oh… right… Er—it seems easy, but it's actually confusing…" He says, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

"How is it confusing?" you ask, placing more pressure on the young man with morbid curiosity.

"You know how poetry is… With the rhyming and all that jazz."

"Jungkook… You do know the assignment is free verse rhyme, right?"

There's a beat of silence where he stares at you with wide eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights. Clearly, he's not used to people calling him out on his bluffs, and he doesn't know how to react.

So you simply roll your eyes, "Alright, cut the bullshit, Jeon. I know you didn't ask me here to talk about free verse poetry."

Jungkook gulps, "Ah… you knew?"

"You're not very subtle… But that's an issue for another day. So how are we going to get Mijoo and Jimin together?"

The handsome young man visibly relaxes at your words, all the tension immediately dissipating from his rigid posture, "Oh thank god," he sighs deeply, slumping over on the table in relief.

You laugh at his dramatic reaction, "When you messaged me so out of the blue, I thought for sure you wanted to strategize to get them together. But instead, you kept beating around the bush."

"I should've just come clean… The best friend of your best friend's crush," Jungkook wryly comments, "Guess we're partners in crime for this?"

"Yep. This timid flirting shit has been going on for too damn long. I'll blow my brains next time Mijoo stresses about one of Jimin's ambiguous texts."

"Dude. You do not even want to hear about the shit I go through whenever Mijoo decides to hug him or smile especially cutely or whatever crap at him. He goes on these long rants where he basically just argues with himself for hours. It's like a one-man filibuster."

You snort at the description, "Tell me about it. I just bought new noise-canceling headphones. Something needs to be done."

"Agreed. Do you have any ideas of what we can do?"

You stop to think for a moment. "…You got any more of those foam parties?"

The next weekend, you and Jungkook set your plan into motion. It's simple to the point of absurdity: you'll get the two of them drunk, then lock them in an enclosed space. Easy, peasey, case closed…

Except you didn't expect Mijoo to put up such a struggle.

"Pleaseee, Mijoo?" you whine, draping yourself all over her.

Your roommate simply flips a page in her book, "Not tonight," she tells you, "I'm really not in the mood."

"Oh, come on," you complain, "We didn't do anything this whole week!"

"Hmm. Wanna go catch a movie or something then?" She asks.

"No, I want to go the party! Why go to a boring old movie when we can dance and get free drinks?"

At that, Mijoo looks up in surprise, "I thought you were just kidding when you said you wanted to go to a BTS party, but you're serious?"

"Of course!" you exclaim, trying to play it cool, "It sounds fun."

"Really? A frat party sounds fun to you, miss ice queen?"

A bead of sweat rolls down your spine, "Uh… Yes…?"

At this, Mijoo slams her book down and turns to give you her full, undivided attention, "You want to go to a frat party? Wearing an uncomfortable, skintight dress with your face covered in makeup? Surrounded by gross fuckbois who'll stare at you like a piece of meat? Really?"

"… I'll wear pants."

Mijoo shakes her pretty head and laughs, "No, babe. If you're dragging me to this, I get to pick what you wear."

You consider it for a few moments. It is so tempting to call this off and delve in bed for the rest of the night. But you've got to do this for her own sake. "…Fine," you finally sigh, "But I get to do my own makeup."

"Only if you partner with me for beer pong."

Your face falls, "Kim Mijoo, you know as fucking well as I do that beer pong is just an excuse for gross little fuckbois to stroke their egos in such an inane competition and get defenseless girls drunk!"

Mijoo presses a finger to your lips to shut you up, "Shh. Just tell me right now if you'll accept my conditions… I refuse to go out with you tonight unless you wear one of my dresses and play beer bong with me."

On any other day, you would've kicked her ass for such ridiculous requests. But at that moment, your phone buzzes. You glance down at the screen and aren't surprised to find yet another text from Jungkook: Where the hell r u?

You turn back to Mijoo and choke down your dignity, "Ok, I'll do it."

Your roommate's eyes bulge at your unexpected submission, "Seriously, what has gotten into you?! Why are you acting so weird?"

"W-weird?" you stutter, palms slippery with sweat when it becomes apparent that she's catching on, "How so?"

But at that moment, your phone starts buzzing again. This time, you can't hide as quickly and Mijoo gasps out loud when she reads the name flashing across the screen. "Jungkook…? ___, why is Jeon Jungkook calling you right now?"

Fuck! How did you get found out so quickly? This is almost pathetic. "I… I can explain!" you stammer.

But Mijoo simply shakes her head, practically trembling with anger, "___, I cannot fucking believe you! I am your best friend!"

"I'm sorry!" you exclaim, rushing up to beg her for forgiveness, "I was doing this for your sake!"

"Really? How the fuck is lying to me about your relationship with Jeon Jungkook for my sake?!"

"I'm really sorry! I just—wait… what?"

"I seriously cannot believe you, bitch!" She exclaims, "How long have the two of you been fucking?"

"We… we… what?"

"You should've told me as soon as it happened," she whines, childishly slapping you in the side, "I knew he wouldn't have facebooked you for no reason!"

"I… I'm sorry, Mijoo," you awkwardly say, "I was just… embarrassed?" And that part isn't a lie.

"It's fine," she gruffly says, "I forgive you… But the next time you keep something from me, I'll kick your ass, got it?"

You hurriedly nod your head, "Yes, ma'am!"

"Good. Now let me go raid Jisoo's closet," she says, mentioning the sorority president.

"Wait, Jisoo?" you ask in surprise, "Why?"

"She went shopping last weekend and bought this incredible new leather dress… This is Jeon Jungkook we're talking about, babe. If you want more than just a one-night stand, then my silly old dresses aren't going to cut it. We're gonna need something sluttier."

You somehow stifle the urge to gag and force a smile instead, "You first, honey."

"Jungkook!" you cry out when you spot him lounging around the bar area, pouring himself a shot. He nearly spills the alcohol all over himself in surprise when you abruptly swing your arms around his neck in an uncharacteristic display of affection. "She thinks we're fucking," you hiss into his ear.

"What?" he whispers back, flinching under your rough embrace.

"Just play along!"

And then you step back with a forced laugh, "It's so good to see you again. Jungkook, this is my roommate, Mijoo. Mijoo this is my… uh… classmate, Jungkook."

"Nice to meet you," Jungkook says, politely taking her hand.

"You as well. I've heard… so much about you," Mijoo says with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows.

"Is that so?" Jungkook awkwardly scratches the back of his head, "Only good things, I hope?"

Mijoo simply smirks, "I'm sure ___ will tell you all about it later… Doesn't she look great tonight?"

"Huh? What—oh," his eyes widen when he looks down and takes in your appearance for the first time. You stiffen under his scrutiny as he suddenly rakes his eyes up and down your figure. You're wearing that ridiculous skintight leather minidress borrowed from Jisoo, and your face flushes with heat when Jungkook's eyes dip to your cleavage for a second too long. He smiles when his eyes meet yours again, "She looks incredible."

Mijoo looks like that cat that ate the canary, the way she beams at the two of you, "I'll give you two a minute to talk…"

"Wait no!" You and Jungkook both shout out at the same time.

The pretty brunette girl jumps in surprise, "Uh… What's up?"

You freeze, but luckily Jungkook comes to your rescue, "You need to take a shot!" He blurts out, "House rules."

Mijoo looks a bit baffled, but smiles, nevertheless, "Oh, ok sure."

Jungkook quickly snags the bottle off the table to pour a round of shots. You smile and clink your glass against theirs in an obligatory fashion, but your eyes are rapidly scanning the room for an excuse to keep her here. You barely taste the cheap vodka as you knock it back, and it nearly comes shooting out of your nose as you notice your salvation with a cry of excitement.

"Ah! Let's play beer pong!" you exclaim, pointing excitedly at the red solo cups stacked on a long table in the center of the room.

"That's a great idea!" Jungkook agrees, catching onto your idea, "I'll grab a couple of beers."

As soon as he's gone, you grab onto Mijoo's sleeve, holding her in place, "Play with us."

"What?" her eyes widen, "But don't you want to play with him alone?"

You shake your head, "It'd be more fun if we played with partners."

"Oh… well, okay. But I don't have a partner…"

"Just give me a minute," you say, then run into the kitchen after Jungkook. He's kneeling at the foot of the fridge, loading beer cans in his arms, and relaxes at the sight of you.

"Good thinking with the beer pong," he says as he hands you a few cans, "We've gotta keep her here, no matter what it takes."

"When is Jimin coming?"

"Our dispenser broke last week, so he's on an ice run with some guys," Jungkook says, anxiously checking his phone, "By the way… What are you wearing?"

"Ah, Mijoo bullied me into it," you say, tugging at the short hem of the leather with spite, "It was the only way I could convince her to go!"

"Well, please thank her for me."

You shoot him a dirty look, "Pervert."

"What? I'm just stating a fact. You look good." Jungkook licks his lips as his eyes peruse the length of your body again, "Really good."

"Yah, my eyes are up here," you complain, grabbing him by the chin and forcing his gaze up. "Stop getting distracted, Casanova. Where is your roommate?"

"I don't know what's taking him so long," Jungkook frowns, "He should be back any—oh thank fucking god," he curses in relief when the front door opens up, revealing a handsome blonde man struggling with a bag of ice.

Jungkook runs forward to plop the beers on the table, then grabs Jimin by the collar of the shirt to haul him forward, "There you are, bro!" He exclaims loudly, "Thank god you're back! We need a fourth player for beer pong."

"Wait, Jungkook, the ice! I need to—" But his voice trails off when he sees Mijoo standing at one end of the table. "O-oh. Mijoo. I didn't know you were going to be here. Hi."

His awkward bow has Mijoo automatically bowing back, and the gesture is so out of place at a crowded frat party that it's laughable. Jungkook seems at a loss for what to do, so you hurry over to rescue him.

"Oi, Jimin!" You greet him with over the top enthusiasm, "What a coincidence running into you! How are you?"

"Great. I'm just—"

"Here to save us in our predicament?" you answer for him, "Bless you, Jimin! We really appreciate it!"

"W-what? I didn't—"

"Awesome!" Jungkook shouts out, "Jimin, be a bro and start setting up those cups over there with Mijoo. ___ and I can take it on this side."

"Wait, don't you want to partner with me, ___?" Mijoo calls out in confusion from the other end of the table.

"Nah, you girls always do that," Jungkook shrugs her off, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, "Why don't we mix things up?"

"That's a great idea, Jungkook!" you say with unnecessary fervor, "Since we just so happen to be standing next to each other right now, why don't we partner up?"

"Yeah, that seems convenient," he agrees, playing up your ploy, "So Jimin, do you mind partnering with Mijoo so she's not on her own?"

What kind of jerk would he look like if he refused? Jimin instantly nods his head up and down, "Yeah, that would be fine."

He hurries over to join Mijoo with another awkward bow, but even from where you stand, you can see the way his face lights up in the most radiant of smiles. And even when Mijoo turns her back to start filling the cups with beer, he continues to stare at her with an almost awestruck expression on his face.

Your heart tightens painfully in your chest. He looks so good tonight, with his honey blonde hair mused off his forehead and his navy shirt loosened a few buttons to reveal the smooth skin of his collarbones, creating a soft and effortless look. Mijoo, with her silky teal dress, matches him perfectly. She looks so unbelievably sweet and beautiful that it seems like the two of them have walked straight off the page of any fairytale storybook. They make such a beautiful couple.

A warm hand on your lower back makes you jerk back into reality. You look up to find Jungkook frowning at you, "Hey, you okay?"

You don't respond for a moment, blinking at the gorgeous pair across the table from you. But then the hand on your back crawls down lower. "Ah, Jungkook!" you screech, jumping away from him to slap his wandering hand off of your ass.

The dark-haired man looks genuinely puzzled by your reaction, "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" You spit back at him, "You just grabbed my ass!"

"I thought you said you told everyone we were sleeping together," he says with a raised eyebrow, "I'm just trying to keep up the act."

His explanation does make sense… Though you highly suspect him of ulterior motives. "Fine," you reluctantly relent, "But don't squeeze it!"

"Of course not," he easily agrees, "I would never treat a work of art with such disrespect," and to emphasize his words, he slides his hand over the curve of your ass again.

You roll your eyes, "Gross." But nevertheless, you allow him to keep his hand put.

It doesn't go unnoticed by your competitors on the other side of the table. Jimin lets out a loud wolf whistle while Mijoo laughs heartily and shoots you a thumb's up, "Are you lovebirds ready?" She calls from across the table.

"Yep! Get ready to drink your heart out, roomie!" you yell back.

Jimin laughs, "What's the bet?"

You turn to whisper in Jungkook's ear, "We have to get them drunk."

"Alright. But let's make it sexy, too."

"Body shots?"

"I like the way you think, babe."

"Alright, it's settled!" you exclaim, breaking out of your impromptu huddle with Jungkook to address your competitors, "Loser has to take a body shot off their partner!"

"Wait, what?" Jimin calls back in surprise.

"___! We're already drinking a shit ton of beer!" Mijoo complains loudly.

Jungkook sticks his tongue out at them, "You scared, children?"

Jimin stiffens under the insult, "No way. You're on! But winner gets to set up the shots."

"Perfect. I'm going to stick a shot glass up her vagina for Jimin to get to," you whisper in Jungkook's ear.

He blinks once, "You are kind of disgusting… I think I like you."

"Since you lovebirds are so distracted, I guess we'll go first," Mijoo calls out with a laugh.

"Bring it on, little girl!" You yell back.

She shoots you a dirty look before tossing the pingpong ball… The splashing sound of the ball hitting the beer in the cup makes the smile slide off your face. Mijoo whoops with excitement and happily high-fives a beaming Jimin.

Your heart drops to your stomach, "Jungkook, please tell me you're good at this game…"

"I'm the undefeated champ of BTS!" He proudly exclaims, "Don't worry, babe. We've got this."

You hesitantly smile back, "Alright. If you say so…"

Less than fifteen minutes later, you're horrified to find a single cup hovering on the edge of your side of the table while half a dozen remain on Mijoo and Jimin's side.

"I thought you were a beer pong champ," you angrily hiss at Jungkook.

"Hey! I made four of the shots!"

"And missed the other seven."

He glares at you, "And how many did you make, princess?"

You scowl back, "Yeah, but I didn't claim to be a beer pong god, now did I?"

"Stop it. You're making me lose my focus," he says as he squints at the row of red solo cups, pingpong ball in hand.

"Who cares? There's no way you can get six cups in a row while they get none. It's over, kid."

"Will you just shut up?" He gripes, dropping his hand to his side as he turns to face you.

Across the table, Mijoo and Jimin heartily boo him, "Just give it up, Jeon!"

"You guys suck!"

"I don't!" Jungkook defends himself, "___ is just bringing me down!"

You glower at that, "When we lose, I'm going to make you take the shot out of my asshole."

"You know I'd only enjoy that, sweet cheeks."

Your mouth drops in indignation, "Jeon Jungkook!"

But he's already turned back to your competition with faux swagger, "Hey guys, have you ever heard of the movie The Comeback Kid?" He cockily calls out.

Jimin and Mijoo exchange a perplexed look, "The what?"

Jungkook's mouth curls into an arrogant smile as he aims for the circle of red solo cups remaining on their side of the table, "The Comeback—oh fuck!" He curses loudly as the pingpong ball hits the rim of the middle cup before bouncing away.

Jimin and Mijoo burst into laughter at his expense, "What was that?!"

The dark-haired man sheepishly rubs the back of his head, "That went more smoothly in my mind."

At his side, you bury your face in your hands and wail, "We're ruined!"

"Ok, it's my turn!" Mijoo cries out, "If I make this, then you guys lose."

"You're not going to make it," you shoot back, waving your hand back and forth in front of the remaining red solo cup on your side in an attempt to distract her, "You're going to choke, girl!"

"Choke, choke, choke!" Jungkook helpfully chants next to you.

Mijoo rolls her eyes, "You guys are so immature," and with that, she tosses the pingpong ball with a perfect flick of her wrist.

All four of you are dead silent as you watch the little white ball soar through the air in slow motion. The ball hits the rim for a moment, spinning…

Then it falls over and plops into the beer.

"I fucked up," Jungkook whispers in a small voice.

You can only groan softly in response as you pluck the pingpong ball out and down the remaining cup of beer, "You shouldn't have made her angry…"

On the other end, Mijoo and Jimin whoop with excitement and Jimin lifts your roommate straight off her feet to swing her in a wide circle in an impromptu victory celebration. Her exuberant peals of laughter echo in your mind. They both look so happy…

"Here's your lime," Jungkook interrupts your musing.

You take the slice from him with a sigh, "How did we fuck up so hard?"

"Hey, at least it seems like they're bonding."

"… Do you think they'll forget about us? I drank so much that I think my body is more beer than water at this point."

"No way. It looks like they're scheming right now," Jungkook says, pointing over to where Mijoo whispers conspiratorially into Jimin's ear while the blonde man looks at you guys and laughs.

"… We are so fucked."

And true to your prediction, minutes later, Jimin's laying his roommate out across the table while Mijoo happily sprinkles salt on his bare chest. The two of them had forcibly divested him of his shirt moments ago, while you hid behind a group of sorority sisters on the dance floor, wondering if it was too late to make your escape.

Unfortunately, before you can turn and run, Mijoo spots you squatting in the shadow of a tall blonde girl, and weaves between the bodies on the dance floor to drag you out.

"Hurry, ___," Jimin laughingly calls you over, "Jungkook's probably really uncomfortable right now."

Still, you can't help but drag your feet as you reluctantly join them, "This is ridiculous," you grumble to yourself, "We're causing a scene!"

"Don't be a sore loser," Mijoo chides you, "This was your idea!"

"Yeah, but that's because I thought we would win!"

"Oh, come on, ___. Don't be like this," Jungkook complains loudly, "You should consider yourself lucky right now," he says, emphasizing his words with a flex of his abs.

You roll your eyes and shove the slice of lime in his mouth to shut him up, "Yeah yeah, whatever, pervert. Mijoo, hand me the shot." But she simply shakes her head and giggles. Frowning at her strange behavior, you turn to Jimin instead, "Yah. Gimme the tequila already so we can get this over with."

"Of course," Jimin sweetly obliges and takes the bottle to begin pouring. But to your utmost horror, he doesn't aim for the shot glass in your hand, but instead, the tawny skin of Jungkook's stomach.

Your jaw hangs as you watch the smooth amber liquid trickle to collect at his belly button and the muscled crevices of his abs. "You motherfuckers!"

"You better drink it all up or we'll pour out another one," Mijoo sweetly informs you, "And next time, we'll be taking off his pants."

"No, no, this is fine!" You hastily wave your hands at her, "Thank you for your generosity…" And then you make your way to stand at Jungkook's side, trying to ignore the way Mijoo and Jimin giggle and whisper amongst themselves as they watch you. Mijoo's probably filled Jimin's mind with nonsense about your nonexistent relationship with Jungkook… This whole scheme is failing miserably.

"Hurry and do it," Jungkook mumbles around a mouthful of lime.

You glare at him as you shove his legs apart to stand between them. Despite your best intention, he looks incredibly good half-naked and spread out for you, and you can't help the way your mouth waters. Of course this cocky fuckboi just had to have the body of a greek god. Fucking typical.

Sighing deeply, you lean down and demurely pick up a lick of salt from his clavicle using just the tip of your tongue… But then there's the overflowing tequila to take care of. Most of it is pooled in his belly button, which you quickly suck up. But there's plenty left spilled across his abs and trickling down the sides. Fuck you, Mijoo, you curse her bitterly in your head as you begin suckling lightly at his skin, trying your best to keep from using your tongue. But it's really hard to keep your concentration when his delicious abdominal muscles keep clenching underneath your light touch… You've never been in such close proximity to such defined abs before. It's fucking unfair.

You quickly finish up, wincing at the acidic taste of tequila in your mouth, then lean down to snag the lime from Jungkook's mouth. Mijoo and Jimin cheer you on the entire time, shouting at you to kiss him. Luckily, you aren't as drunk as you had feared, and you manage to successfully sink your teeth into the fruit without brushing his lips at all.

You pull back after a second and irritably spit the lime slice into your hand, "There, all done. Are you happy?"

The two of them seem disappointed by the clinical nature of the body shot. "Wait, Jungkook still has to do his!" Mijoo suddenly pipes up, expression brightening again.

Your beer pong partner slides off the table while slowly pulling his shirt back on, "I don't think ___ would be as pleased if you stripped her bare in front of everyone," he wryly comments, "Not that I'd mind, of course."

"Don't worry," Mijoo grins as she grabs your hand to shove you against the table, "I have an idea…"

A second later, Jimin is rubbing salt against the curve of your neck while Mijoo critically examines your cleavage, looking for the best spot to put the alcohol.

"Would you be really mad at me if I poured this all over your boobs?"

"Do you want to die?" you darkly mutter.

"Try her ass instead," Jungkook oh-so-helpfully pipes up.

You turn to chew him out as well, but at that moment, Jimin strokes his fingers through your hair, trying to brush off a bit of salt that has ended up there, and your voice dies in your throat at the feeling of his gentle fingers caressing your skull.

"The salt isn't sticking," he mumbles, mostly to himself. Then, to your surprise, he licks his fingers to moisten them, and smooths them under your jaw. The sensitive skin there immediately breaks into goosebumps, and you pray that the blonde man doesn't notice when he sprinkles on the salt.

"Ok, I guess we'll just have to deal with it here," Mijoo sighs as she gives up and sticks the shot glass between your breasts.

You're still too distracted by Jimin's fingers in your hair to pay any attention to the situation until Jungkook roughly shoves the blonde man aside, "Thanks for preparing her." And then he descends upon you, lips latching onto your neck with no preamble.

You gasp softly at the feeling of his hot mouth against your hyper-aroused skin. Unlike you, he has no sense of propriety as he greedily lays open-mouthed kisses against your neck, sucking harder than necessary to pick up the small scattering of salt. A hickie will surely form by the morning as an incessant reminder of this failed night.

"What are you doing, Jeon?" you groan when his mouth drifts too high, snagging your earlobe between his teeth and gently nipping in a way that has unspeakable sensations coursing down your spine.

"Hmm?" He flicks his tongue against your thoroughly bruised neck one last time before trailing kisses down your collarbones to your cleavage instead, where the shot glass nestles between your breasts.

Embarrassment colors your face red when you realize that Mijoo and Jimin are watching with identical pervy grins on their faces. Mijoo has been trying to get you laid since Freshman year, so her behavior is as you would have expected, but not Jimin's. When you first met the blonde man in your econ project group last year, you would've never imagined the kind, sincere man to be cheering on his fuckboi roommate as he messily slurps around your cleavage. You have no right to feel this way, but still, your heart sinks to your stomach.

At that moment, Jungkook pulls away from your chest to knock back the rest of the shot. He noisily smacks his lips before focusing his eyes on the lime slice in your mouth. You recognize that hungry expression on his face all too well, and move your head away right as he attacks. As a result, his lips only brush yours in the slightest of kisses before you pull back, leaving Jungkook to suck on the sour slice of fruit in annoyance.

"I want a rematch," you demand at once.

"Are you sure, ___?" Jimin laughs, "You only made one cup last time."

"That was just the practice round," you brush him off, "This is for real now."

"Well, I'm not sure if it's worth the trouble," Mijoo says, pretending to yawn, "It's so boring if we win every time."

Your eyes narrow at her cocky attitude, "Why? You scared you'll get beat this time?"

She raises an eyebrow, "Not in the least."

"Fine. Then care to make another wager?"

"Sure. But this time, we get to pick the punishment."

"Oh, you're so on."

"But let me warn you, roomie: this time, the punishment will be twice as bad… Still care to play with us? Even though it's obvious the two of you will lose?" Mijoo asks, eyeing you and Jungkook unimpressed.

You hesitate, suddenly nervous about the ordeal. It would obviously make more sense to change the game to something you and Jungkook have a chance at winning. But before you can pitch this idea, Jungkook suddenly jumps to action.

"That's a great idea!"

Unsurprisingly, you find yourself locked in a closet with Jungkook less than half an hour later, two shots of tequila resting on the ground between you.

"This fucking sucks."

"You didn't make a single cup this time, ___... How is it possible that you got even worse?" Jungkook quips as he folds his long legs underneath himself in the cramped space.

You flinch when his legs brush yours, "I was counting on you, partner."

"Well, we definitely failed… Do you think they're at least bonding by laughing at us?"

"I never knew you were a silver linings kind of guy, Jungkook," you say with a wry smile.

"Hey, you've gotta make the best of what you have… speaking of which… since everyone thinks we're making out in here anyways… Do you think we should just—?"

"No."

"Buzzkill," Jungkook sighs before checking his phone for the time, "We still have six minutes to go. How am I supposed to kill the time then?"

"Silent reflection on all your past misdoings?" You sarcastically offer.

"Somehow I feel like making out would be a lot more fun," he says as he slowly runs his tongue over his bottom lip.

"Do you only ever think with your dick?" you groan, "You definitely weren't like this when we met up at the coffee shop. Otherwise I would've never proposed this team up! What happened to you?"

"To me? I think you mean what happened to you. You definitely were not this hot when we met up two days ago. Trust me. I would've noticed."

"Men are such simple creatures," you roll your eyes, "All it takes is a bit of makeup and cleavage, and you're drooling all over yourselves."

"What, am I supposed to lie and say that I'm seduced by your charming personality?" Jungkook snorts, "It's not like I'm asking for your hand in marriage here, sweetheart."

"Well, at least you're honest," you say with a ghost of a smile on your face, "You're a bit better than all the other fuckbois."

"I'm way better," he insists, indignant at the comparison, "I won't feed you lies and lead you on just to get in your pants. I'm upfront about what I want."

"And what exactly is that?"

He flashes you a brilliant smile that has you momentarily reeling, "To have a good time."

"Gross," you say, but you can't help but laugh.

He takes that as a good sign and pushes forward to test his luck, "I'm going to be blunt, ___. You look fucking hot in that dress and I'm incredibly attracted to you. If you wanna have a bit of fun tonight, then I promise I won't let you down."

You don't doubt his words. Jeon Jungkook is infamous, not only among his frat brothers, but across the entire campus for his alleged sexual prowess. And even if he wasn't great in bed, well, he's gorgeous. You saw how he looked shirtless, with his abs glistening from the liquid pooling across his stomach and chest. You'd be lucky to even lay your hands on this god-like man.

You shake your head with a laugh and press a shot of tequila to his hand, "Shut up and drink your shot."

Jungkook sighs deeply as he accepts the drink, "I'm disappointed, but not surprised. I'm not your type, am I?"

You watch as he knocks back the drink with a smack of his lips. He clearly has experience in drinking the harsh, astringent alcohol. "How could you tell?" You pick up your own shot glass, only to realize that there's nothing in the small supply closet to chase it down with, "Damn, do you have a chaser or something?"

But as you search around the closet, Jungkook suddenly reaches over to snatch the shot glass from your hand. Before you can question him, he slams your shot of tequila back as well. You watch his thick adam's apple bob in his throat in bewilderment, "Hey, what was that for?"

Jungkook winces as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand then tosses the empty glass aside, "You've been drinking a lot, ___. Don't want you to get too wasted."

"I'm only buzzed," you complain, "What is this sudden bout of consideration? You're not seriously trying to pretend to be a gentleman, are you?"

"Nope. I just don't want you drunk… So you'll be in the right mindset to give me consent at the end of the night," he says, emphasizing his bold statement with a smug grin.

Your jaw drops, "You cocky ass motherfucker!"

He laughs at your dramatic response, "Yeah, yeah. I know what you're going to say. It's never gonna happen because I'm not your type, huh?"

"Damn right."

"Well, since your roommate is snatching up Jimin, it looks like I'm all you have left."

Your blood runs cold at his unexpected statement, "Wait… what did you say?"

"Jimin," Jungkook repeats, cocking his head to the side as he examines your reaction, "He's your type, isn't he?"

"What would make you say that?" You ask in a subdued voice, trying your best not to reveal any emotion.

"I saw the way you were looking at him. Like you wanted to eat him up… It's the same way I look at you, probably," he laughs, "He's totally your style."

"Park Jimin is cute and extremely kind," you admit in a quiet voice, "But my best friend likes him. So it's pointless to dwell upon the impossible."

"Huh… So you like the cute type? I can be cute, too," Jungkook insists with a little pout.

The breath that you had been holding whooshes out at once. You can't help but laugh at his statement, "You don't know how to give up, do you?"

He grins back, about to offer an undoubtedly perverted response, when the door suddenly bursts open, "Surpriseee—oh wait. Mijoo, they're not fooling around."

"What?!" Your roommate bounces up to glance over Jimin's shoulder in surprise, "What the hell guys?!"

You irritably rise to your feet before pulling Jungkook along with you, "Come on, let's get out of here. I need another drink." Then you rudely brush between the two of them and haul Jungkook by the hand to the bar.

The frat party is in full swing at this point, every inch and crevice of the house jammed to the max with people, making it almost impossible to move. To conserve space, Jungkook molds himself to your backside, hands splayed on your hips to guide you. "Ugh, there's too many people here," you say in annoyance, "I bet you're all out of alcohol too."

"Yeah, probably… Wait, I know! Jimin and I have a stash in our room."

You glance over your shoulder to flash him a look of suspicion, "This isn't just an excuse to get me alone in your room, is it?"

"Of course not! How could you possibly think that of me?" Jungkook asks, clutching his chest in faux indignation, "… though if you did want to do something other than drink, I wouldn't complain…"

"Shut up, playboy, and get me a drink."

"Yes, ma'am."

Moments later, the two of you sit side by side on his bed, sipping lukewarm beers, as you try to re-strategize.

"Are you any good at card games?" You ask Jungkook.

"I have the worst luck," he says, "What about something more simple? Truth or dare?"

"I think they'd see through our ruse at once," you sigh, "What about quarters?"

"If you can't bounce a pingpong ball, I highly doubt you can bounce a quarter," Jungkook laughs.

You bristle at that, "Fine, you got any hot ideas then, beer pong champ?"

"Things are getting pretty heated on the dance floor," he says, peeking out of the half-open door, "We should get them to grind together."

"Mijoo can't dance for shit," you sigh, "We're ruined… And now the whole world is going to think that we're fucking."

"You say it like that's a bad thing," he retorts.

"It is. I don't want to be seen as easy… In fact… If anyone catches us in here, they might get the wrong idea…" and with that, you get up to close the door.

"___, wait!" Jungkook calls out, grabbing you by the wrist before you can get up.

You look down at him in confusion, "What?"

"Don't shut the door! Are you crazy?"

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"Wait… Do you seriously not know how these doors work?" He asks, staring at you incredulously.

"What do you mean?"

"Ah, now it's becoming clear that you're not used to the frat scene… ___, all the houses on this row were constructed in the early 1900s. Most of the infrastructure has been reinforced, but there are some parts of the houses that are completely untouched."

"Yeah. So what?"

"That means these doors are from like 1920."

"So are they messed up? Do they not work?"

"They do, but they're just weird. For the bedrooms, they lock from the outside."

"From the outside? Really?"

Jungkook nods his head, "Yeah. That's why during a large party like this, we've got to be more careful. Who knows what kind of drunk people could stumble around, messing with the door knobs? We could accidentally get locked in. It's happened more than enough times."

"Isn't there a key?"

"There's a master key with Namjoon," he says, referencing the frat president, "But it's so noisy in here, it could take hours before anyone finds out that someone's trapped."

"Ah, ok. Thanks for warning me, then. I don't know what I'd do if we were stuck here together for hours," you say with a shiver of disgust.

"Hmm. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad…" Jungkook thoughtfully muses, "We'd be so bored, we'd have no choice but to hook up…"

You glance at him warily, "Don't get any ideas in that filthy mind of yours, Jeon."

"Of course not," he sweetly replies, "But you have to admit that getting locked up here together seems like the perfect setup to any ridiculous chick flick… hey wait a minute…" he says, a frown forming on his handsome face as a new thought occurs to him.

The epiphany hits you at almost the precise same time. Your eyes widen comically and you dive forward to grab Jungkook's hand, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Fuck yeah!"

"Jimin, Mijoo, you guys have got to see this!" Jungkook exclaims, ushering them up the stairs.

"Wait what? Jungkookie, what's going on?" Jimin asks in utter bewilderment.

"No time to explain, just hurry!"

"___?" Mijoo calls your name in confusion, "What's this about?"

But you hurriedly shush her and push her forward with both hands, "Shush, I'll explain later!" And with that, you and Jungkook forcibly throw your roommates into the bedroom.

"Why are we here, Jungkook?" Jimin asks, glancing around their shared bedroom in confusion.

But Jungkook only grins devilishly at the older man. "Sorry, Mijoo!" you yell out before you slam the door shut in their faces.

The two of them burst into hysterics at once, charging at the door and fumbling with the knob, but it doesn't budge. Through the wall, you can hear their angry curses and threats, but you and Jungkook hold firm.

"Wow, that was easy," you say as you high-five the dark-haired man.

"Yeah, we should've just done that from the start."

"Good job, partner in crime!" You beam. Then you pause. "Wait. Now what?"

Jungkook blinks twice before responding, "I don't know…"

"Huh… I guess we wait?" You suggest, awkwardly lowering to the ground to make yourself comfortable.

"I guess we do," Jungkook says, plopping to the ground as well and resting his back against the door.

"Oh, she's very creative with her insults," you remark as you listen to Mijoo liken your entire family lineage to swines, up to your ancestors' ancestors.

Jungkook is receiving the same treatment right next to you, "And how is being a beefcake an insult, Park Jimin?!"

"Come on, Jungkook," you say, offering him your hand, "Let's just leave them alone."

"Wait, what?!" Mijoo's muffled scream comes from behind the door, "If you dare fucking leave me trapped in here, I swear to god I'm going to fucking—"

But you and Jungkook have already walked away.

"Do you think it's been enough time?" you ask, half an hour and another failed game of beer pong, later.

Jungkook hiccups, clearly suffering from the backlash of one too many beers, before responding, "Probably not… They have months of sexual tension to work out… Knowing those nerds, they're probably going to talk about their feelings until dawn."

"Still, we should check on them," you say, gnawing on your bottom lip with concern, "What if something's happened to them?"

"Ah, it'll defeat the purpose if we let them escape now," Jungkook protests, "And they'll probably be too embarrassed to ever talk again."

"Ok, then we won't let them out. Just let me poke my head in there and make sure they're breathing, okay?" you persuade him.

"Alright… Fine," he reluctantly agrees, "But get ready to run as soon as they see us."

"I'm quick, don't worry," you assure him as the two of you climb up the stairs to the bedroom he shares with Jimin.

"Ok… But if Mijoo escapes and kicks your ass… I won't be held accountable."

You shoot him a dirty look, "Just worry about your own ass, Jeon. Jimin's a lot stronger than Mijoo… Speaking of which… Why aren't they fighting their way out?" You ask as you stop and press your ear to the door.

"Huh?" Confused, Jungkook leans over you to listen in as well, but he's also met with silence. "What do you think's going on in there?"

"No clue… They couldn't have escaped, right?"

"No way," Jungkook vehemently shakes his head, "And if they did, we wouldn't be alive right now."

"That's true," you say, pressing your ear closer to the wood, "Then what could they be doing? Do you think they fell asleep?"

"That's possible."

"Ok, I'm going to open the door a crack. Get ready to run, Jeon."

He nods, immediately sinking into a crouching position, "Got it."

You take a deep breath for strength, then slowly twist the lock on the handle, trying to make as little noise as possible as to not set the expecting couple on the other side off. You're almost positive that they're lurking on the other side of the door, just waiting for the opportune moment to spring. You gulp, then carefully twist the door knob open.

With your heart pounding in your chest, you push the door forward a few inches—just enough to get a glimpse of what lies within. Then your heart slides to an abrupt stop.

Mijoo and Jimin are sitting side by side on the bed. Her hands are demurely folded in her lap and his are bunched up in the bedding. There's a modest space between their bodies, and at first glance, one might mistake this as a platonic encounter. But there's no misinterpreting the way Jimin's plush pink lips caress Mijoo's in the sweetest of kisses.

If feels like your heart has dropped to your feet, and you stumble back a few steps, nearly crashing into an equally as shocked Jungkook.

"Holy fuck," he whispers, "These nerds are making out!"

You quickly slap a hand over Jungkook's mouth, terrified that he might disrupt them, "Shut up," you whisper, dragging him far away from your roommates.

"I can't believe our plan actually worked!" Jungkook exclaims as soon as you remove your hand from his mouth.

"Yeah," is your quiet response.

"Damn, we should've just done this in the first place!"

"Mm maybe."

"But seriously though. I would have never imagined these squares to make out in public without a marriage contract or something," he laughs, "Do you think they're gonna be an official thing soon?"

"Most likely," you say, barely paying attention to him anymore as you pull up your phone to call an uber.

"Wait, are you going somewhere, ___?" Jungkook asks, picking up on your distraction at once.

"Yeah. It looks like Mijoo's keeping herself busy, so I'll go home alone," you say, praying that you've managed to keep the bitterness out of your tone.

"Alright. Let's go then."

That unexpected statement makes you stop in your tracks, "What are you talking about? Jungkook, what makes you think that you're invited?"

He gives you a pointed look, "Are you forgetting that Jimin and I are roommates? I have nobly sacrificed my room to get my bro laid. And now I have nowhere to go. The least you can do is let me crash in your room."

You pause for a moment, "Won't there be empty room in this house?"

"During a party?" he snorts, "Good luck not stumbling across an orgy in every crevice."

"What about a couch?"

"Are you kidding me?! Look at those nasty kids dry humping on it right now," he says, wildly gesturing across the room, "What kind of diseases will I catch?!"

"Fine," you sigh, in no mood to argue with him for a moment longer, "But you're sleeping on the floor."

His irritation instantly dissipates as he smiles widely, "Fine by me."

"Don't you dare make a sound until we're in my room," you warn him outside the sorority house as you fish for your key.

"Doesn't everyone already think that we're hooking up?" he points out, "What's the big deal?"

"It's not everyone. Only Mijoo thinks so. I don't want to be the talk of the entire sorority."

"Why would this be such a scandal?" he continues to argue, "I haven't slept with anyone in this sorority! …Well… at least I don't think I have…" he pauses to scratch his head in confusion.

"See? This is exactly why I don't want those rumors about us to spread."

"And what's wrong with those rumors? It's the twenty-first century. Your worth as a woman isn't defined by your purity or whatever bullshit. And I'm not as bad as you make me out to be!"

You ignore him, "Just stay silent," you warn him, and with that, you unlock the door and pull him inside.

It's a little past two in the morning, so unsurprisingly, the sorority house is dark and as silent as a grave. This is in stark contrast with the obnoxious frat party with the overflowing beer kegs and the neon strobe lights, and you feel like you can finally breathe again. Rolling out your sore shoulders, you tiredly lead Jungkook up the stairs and into the room you share with Mijoo.

"Do you need to shower?" you ask Jungkook as you lock the door behind you.

"Yes, please! You didn't do that body shot very well, and I still have tequila all over my stomach. I should wash it off… Unless you want to-?"

You throw a towel in his face before he can complete his undoubtedly perverted sentence, "The bathroom's through that door on the right. You're lucky my suite mates are out of town this weekend. Or else you'd give everyone a heart attack."

"You girls get your own in-suite bathroom?" he repeats in shock, "Why did I rush BTS? I would happily be a sister for this luxury."

You're too worn out to dignify that with an answer, "My shower caddy is on the nightstand."

It's not until he's gone until you finally realize how alone you are. The beta tau sigma frat house was crammed with partiers and you couldn't hear your own voice over the obnoxiously loud music. The entire time, you were too busy running around with Jungkook trying to strategize to even collect your thoughts. But now… In the silent house with all your sorority sisters dead asleep…

Your ears ring with echoes of the booming music from the party, and the bitter taste of tequila lingers on your tongue, but you suddenly feel acutely sober. And in the empty room, all pent up emotions finally spill over. You roll over to bury your face in the pillows on your bed as you try to straighten out your unstable whirlwind of feelings.

For the past month, you've been thinking up of strategies to get Mijoo and Jimin together. You had thought that you matured—that your love for your best friend was stronger than any selfish concern for yourself. You had somehow convinced yourself of your own superiority over any petty human emotions. But unfortunately, you aren't the altruistic saint you wish you could be. You suffer from the same human emotions that plague everyone. And they aren't pretty.

The feeling that stands out the most is jealousy. The boy who you have liked for the past year… slipped between your fingers like sand. Not that you stood a chance. A man like Jimin… Such a genuine, loving soul. People like you don't deserve him. He's meant for goddesses like Mijoo. Girls who command the attention of any room they walk into. Girls who inspire art and ardent love songs. It's illogical for you to even feel jealous. You weren't even a player on the field—you were a stagehand, watching the play unfold from a distance and never able to join.

Despite what the artists and poets claim, the world works in a logical way. It's a simple mathematical formula. Girls like Mijoo end up with their princes. And you remain a bitter stepsister, helpless but to watch their happily ever after from a distance. One that you'll never achieve.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion, but not nearly as strong as anguish. Because this isn't Mijoo's fault. How could she have known that you had wanted Jimin since the moment you set eyes on him? How could she have imagined that a bitter wrench like yourself could desire something so above your level? It's not her fault that you weren't good enough… You're happy for her. You really are. She's your best friend and she deserves the best… But what about you?

The feeling of helplessness bubbles up your throat, and suddenly you can't breathe. The dress you've borrowed is too tight. The excessive makeup you've plastered on your face to pretend to be someone else, someone better, feels suffocating. You grab the wipes off your dresser and immediately start scrubbing at your face, wincing when salty tears flood the fabric along with your heavy makeup.

As soon as you finish, you gasp for air, then yank at the zipper on the back of your dress. It's not until the leather pools at your feet that you can breathe again.

And that's how Jungkook finds you, decked in just your underwear gasping for breath on your bed.

"Damn," he says, taken aback by the visuals, but unable to keep from checking you out, "Is this how you usually go to bed?"

Your head snaps up at his approach. He's standing in the middle of your room, shamelessly naked except for the towel slung haphazardly across his hips.

"Are you sure you want me to sleep on the floor?" he asks, running a hand through his wet hair so that beads of water slide down his collars to his prominent abdominal muscles, "You look awfully cold in that bed all by yourself, babe."

Your skin bristles at his sexually suggestive words. You had no issue brushing off his come-ons all evening. But now… with you in such a vulnerable position…

Here is a man who actually wants you. Not you, but your body, a little voice in the back of your head reminds you. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that someone might actually desire you… And not just anyone. This is the man that makes all the girls in your writing seminar giggle and whisper to themselves when he walks into the room. Women would kill themselves to get at him and he wants you. Not in the way you want… But at this point, you don't care.

"Jungkook," you whisper as you rise to your feet. His eyes immediately scan the exposed skin of your chest and thighs.

"Mmm?" he says with a lascivious lick of his lips.

You cross the room in three long strides, startling him with your sudden approach, "Okay," you sigh as you rest your hands on his bare stomach. You watch with interest as his muscles flex under your light touch, "Let's do it."

Jungkook's eyes bulge, "W-wait what? Are you serious?"

At that, you slip your hand under his towel and abruptly grab his dick, "Does it sound like I'm joking?"

The dark-haired man gulps at that, his adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat, "I… ___, what's gotten into you?" He looks a bit worried, but can't help but instantly harden in your hand.

You brush off his concern as you stroke his growing length, examining the way his pupils dilate and his breathing stutters, "Go lie down on the bed."

So startled by your unexpected dominance, Jungkook instinctively obeys, irritably untying the towel from his waist and flinging it across the room before flopping onto the mattress. "This is insane," he laughs, running a hand through his damp hair as he waits for you to join him.

You pluck a condom out of the nightstand, and shimmy out of your underwear before crawling onto the bed after him.

"I can't believe this is actually happening," Jungkook marvels as he sits up to reach for you.

You grab his wrist before he can make contact, "Just lie down and wait a minute."

Confused, Jungkook slowly lies back down, but props himself up on his elbows so that he can watch you, "___... you're not some kind of weird sadist, are you?" he asks, playfully trying to make light of the situation.

But you simply shoot him another glare, "Just shut up and hold still." And with that, you grab his dick again, giving him an impromptu handjob to keep him complacent as you prepare the condom.

"Oh god," he groans, "Your hands are fucking amazing."

His compliment sparks warmth in your hollow chest. You hastily roll the condom on, then reach for the bottle of lube from your top drawer to coat him in the slick fluid. Jungkook openly moans his appreciation the entire time, clearly still buzzed from too many tequila shots and disinhibited. In the morning, he might be embarrassed about how vocal he was in bed, but for now, you will relish this treat.

Once he's lubricated from base to tip, you quickly straddle him and position his tip to your entrance. Before you can sit down, a hand grabs your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

"Wait, ___, I haven't even touched you yet," Jungkook says in a hushed whisper, his brow furrowing in concern, "Why don't you let me go down on—oh fuck!" his words break off into a strangled cry when you abruptly drop down, taking his full length in one fell swoop.

He feels so thick inside of you that for a moment, the hole in your chest is filled. It's been so long since you've last had sex that you can't move for a few seconds, needing the extra time to adjust.

"I thought I wasn't your type, huh?" Jungkook's playful voice breaks the brief moment of silence, "What happened to that, ___?"

Your mouth twists in annoyance. Right when you were getting into it, he had to ruin things. "Shut up," you growl before lifting your hips and violently slamming down on him.

His cocky attitude dissipates at once, replaced entirely by desperation as his hands shoot out to grab your hips. Your hard pace falters at the feeling of his fingers digging into your soft skin. He tries to guide your motions, hands molding to your ass as he slows down your rapid speed and instead making your thrusts slower, deeper. His strength is otherworldly, and within seconds, he's practically doing all the work himself, raising and lowering you on his dick like you're a mere ragdoll in his hands. That won't do.

The copious amount of beer and tequila you've consumed tonight makes it difficult to think, but once you've come to your senses, you hastily slap his hands off of you. He looks confused and makes a motion as if to reach for you again, so you quickly weave your fingers between his and lock your joined hands on either side of his head. When you lean all of your weight onto your interlocked hands, you have him trapped on the mattress, and regain control of the situation.

Using his hands as leverage, you forgo the leisurely strokes he prefers and ride him with vigor, determined to get off as quickly as possible. Your pace turns shallow and rapid-fire when you find that one spot that has his dick brushing your g-spot and his pelvis grinding into your clit with every stroke.

Jungkook manages to get his moaning under control, but can't prevent the ragged, staccato quality of his breathing. His harsh pants and muffled grunts sound so sexy and he feels so delicious filling you up to the brim that if you close your eyes, you can almost imagine that he is someone else. So you squeeze your eyes shut as tightly as you can, focusing all of your attention on the feeling of complete fullness in your core.

It feels so fucking good that you never want it to stop. You wish you could cling onto this feeling forever so you'll never feel empty again.

But at that moment, Jungkook unexpectedly shifts his hips so that he slams directly into your g-spot. You pause for a moment, stunned by the explosion of pleasure that bursts across your senses. You tether on the line for a moment, fighting it back, but it's too late, and your climax washes over you like a wave.

Jungkook gasps at the feeling of you tightening around him, and before you can stop him, he pulls his hands out of your tight grip to grab your hips. With a half dozen more desperate surges forward into your heat, he groans deeply and releases into the condom.

It takes you a full minute to recover from your high. Then you roll off of him to flop lifelessly on the bed. Both of you wince when his spent length slips out of your heat. As soon as he leaves your body, the empty feeling encroaches again. You press both hands tightly to your chest, but it does nothing to fill the void.

"Wow, that was great," Jungkook says as he leisurely stretches his arms above his head before disposing of the condom.

You say nothing in response, gazing aimlessly at Mijoo's empty bed across the room.

Jungkook pauses in scavenging for his abandoned clothing to frown at you, "Are you okay?"

You cringe when he suddenly rejoins you on the bed, arms surrounding your waist to pull you against him in an unexpected hug. Somehow, this feels more intimate than sex. You would've never expected a player like Jungkook to engage in this kind of post-coital skinship.

"Ugh, please don't tell me you're a cuddler," you grumble as you twist in his embrace.

"I'm not," he denies, but the way he buries his nose in your hair says otherwise, "And don't think about asking me to stay the night, because I'm not that kind of guy."

You grimace at the very thought, "I don't even want you here right now. But I thought you needed somewhere to sleep?"

He grins at that, "I thought you knew me better than to take anything I said seriously?"

"Ugh. I should've known… All you fuckboys are the same."

He chuckles at your reaction, "Just give me a kiss and I'll leave."

You hurriedly twist your head to the side before his lips can make contact with yours, "Gross."

"We just fucked, and you think a kiss is gross?" Jungkook asks incredulously.

"Yeah. Don't kiss me," you say, irritably shoving at his shoulder to try to create distance between the two of you.

Jungkook snorts as he obediently rolls out of your bed, "I thought girls liked this kind of touchy feely bullshit. You're so weird."

"I do like it, but not from you," you shoot back.

"Ouch, babe," he says with a shake of his head as he tugs on his boxers and jeans, "What does Jimin have that I don't?"

He means it in a teasing way. He's not serious… There's no way he knows how close to home his comment hit. But still… you can't help but bristle in response, "Manners."

Jungkook bursts into laughter at the insult, "I'm really not the bad guy you make me out to be. If you'd get to know me, you'd see that."

"I don't want to get to know you," is your blunt response.

Jungkook's smile widens, "I'm glad that we're on the same page, then," he says as he slips his shirt over his head, "I won't call you."

"Good," you retort as you watch him slip his phone into his pocket and walk out the door without a second glance, "I'm blocking your number."

He lets you have the last word as he shakes his head in amusement and closes the door behind him. And then you're all alone in the empty room, left wondering what Mijoo and Jimin are doing on the other side of town.

A/N: So this chapter might be longer than any full length fic i’ve ever written... Yikes. 

As always, please don’t ask me about updates! You’ll find out more about the plot and the reason for the title in the following chapters ^^

But I definitely recommend that you listen to New Rules by Dua Lipa and download the podcast “Just Sex” by NPR Hidden Brain. They are what inspired this fic! 

[sutterbabe]

#1 Nathan Bastian

Can you do a Nathan Bastian one with a shy reader who’s really good friends with Mikey and he’s really supportive of her but then they’re out with Nate and she thinks he probably hates her because she never talks to him but then someone makes fun of her and Mikey AND NATE are super defensive of her idk you can finish it

warnings: language

song suggestion of the day: to be with you by the honey trees

You’d known Michael McLeod for a long time. Too long in fact, seeing as he knew exactly how to get you to do anything. You had reserved today as your ‘me’ day. Nothing but watching Netflix and doing nothing. That was until Mikey had called a couple of hours ago and persuaded you to come out with him. Well, him and a couple of teammates. Usually you would have straight up declined, but it was Mikey and that kid knew more about you than you cared to admit. So here you are, dressed in jeans and a hoodie and really not looking forward to leaving the house, anxiety festering away in the pit of your stomach. The doorbell rang and you were prepared to tell Mikey that you really weren’t feeling up to it today and maybe if you could go out another day with a smaller group of people. Only, when you opened it, it wasn’t Mikey. Instead it was his partner in crime, Nathan Bastian, who (you might add) you found way too attractive to ever admit out loud. He was tall and funny and oh god, you could die right there.

“Hey,” Nate greeted with a friendly grin. You desperately wanted to run and hide before you said something insanely stupid to embarrass yourself but at the same time you were definitely not going to do that because then he’d think you were crazy and.. dear god you hope he hasn’t noticed you’ve been staring at him in complete silence for the past minute. You swallowed and glanced anywhere but at Nate. “Mikey’s in the car.”

You nodded gently and waited awkwardly for him to move first. He did after a moment of awkward silence and you hotfooted it to the car to escape the awkwardness. 

“Hey, Y/N.” Mikey greeted from the drivers seat, glancing at you through the rearview mirror. He pouted at your expression. “Don’t give me that look, it’s just Nater.”

Speaking of Nate, the boy slid into the passengers side beside Mikey with another infectious grin. You glanced at Mikey. Today was going to kill you.

“Why am I always your plus one to these things?” you whispered, sidling up to mikey as he followed Nate inside the bowling alley where a couple of other steelheads were already milling around. 

“Because: a) you need to get out more, b) it makes me look like i have friends and c) maybe i actually enjoy having you around because you’re my friend.” Mikey replied.

You huffed gently. "Only for you," you murmured. Mikey looked pretty pleased with himself at that.

A couple of guys greeted you when you arrived with Nate and Mikey but other than that, you didn't really speak much to anyone. The team was going bowling and Mikey had told you that he would take you to get food afterward. You weren't the best at bowling, nor were you the worst. Mostly you preferred to watch quietly as the boys, and whoever they'd brought with them, talked to each other. To be honest you'd never been very good with people, it took you a bit to warm up to them and big groups really weren't your thing so you were pretty content doing what you were doing.

"Hey." Nate greeted as he sat beside you. "French fry?" He offered. You shook your head gently. God he probably thought you hated him or something. “You’re pretty good.” Nate told you, gesturing to the scoreboard with a nod of his head, causing you to flush gently. 

“Thanks.” you mumbled quietly as Mikey finally extracted himself from conversation and made his way over.

“Hey, you ready to get going?” He questioned you waited for Nate to say yes before you nodded, standing to follow the boys out to the car.

"I told you, it'd be fine." Mikey piped up, wrapping his arms round yours and nate’s shoulders. You shrugged gently.

“Yeah, you did really well.” Nate chimed in, making you flush again. He was being awfully nice to you and you weren’t really sure why.

"okay, where to?" Mikey questioned as he slid into the driver’s seat. You shrugged lightly. “Ice cream? Donuts? Chipotle?”

You ended up at the food court in one of the malls nearby and, between the three of you, ended up a varied assortment of sushi, coffee, burritos and fruit smoothies. The three of you were sat at one of the tables by the edge of the foodcourt, with you laughing gently about whatever Nate had just chirped Mikey on, when you spotted a couple of people from your school making their way over. You were quick to leave, with the excuse of taking rubbish to the bin. It wasn’t that people at school were particularly mean to you, you weren’t bullied but you were sort of terrified that maybe everyone just talked about you behind your back instead. Plus, you didn’t want to give yourself a reason to be bullied. The people you’d seen approaching Nate and Mikey were always trying to be all buddy-buddy with the hockey team but you’d heard some awful things they had said about other people and really didn’t want to be involved with them at all. As such, you took as much time walking back to the table as you could, not wanting to seem like a loner, milling round the bins because that was sure to attract attention. Unfortunately, the people were still talking to the boy when you got back, so you sat down at an empty table, a couple of seats away to wait until the coast was clear, fiddling on your phone so it looked like you actually had friends. You texted Mikey one of the square emojis, which was your code to let him know you were uncomfortable, so he wouldn’t wonder why you hadn’t come back yet.

“Y/N?” You heard one of the guys from your school say. “Oh, that Carrie chick.”

“What?” Mikey questioned sharply, making you glance over.

“Relax, it’s a joke. Everyone calls her carrie. you know, like the movie. She’ll murder us in our sleep.” another guy laughed. “What’s her problem anyway, Mikey?”

“More like, what’s your problem?” Nate retorted in a murmur that you were to far away to catch.

“Sorry?”

“Well it seems like you’ve got a problem with her. She’s never done anything to you.” MIkey added with a glare. “I think you guys should leave.”

“I’m just saying, she should loosen up a little. No one likes a girl who doesn’t smile. Always looks like she hates doing anything, too scared to open her mouth.”

You heard a humourless laugh of disbelief. “Does saying shit like that make you feel good about yourself? Can you even sink any lower? You heard mikey, I think you should go.” Nate snapped, standing to leave.

The car ride was uncomfortably quiet, you weren’t sure if the boys knew if you’d heard or not and you were still rolling over the way that Nate had become so defensive of you, even though you’d hardly spoken three words to him. Like ever.

“Do you think I’m too quiet?” you spoke up.

Mikey and Nate glanced at each other before turning their attention back to you.

“You know I don’t.” Mikey assured you as Nate nodded in agreement. 

“Those guys were just assholes.”

You shrugged half-heartedly at Nate’s words, causing Mikey to sigh. “It doesn’t matter what they think anyway. They aren’t worth your time.”

Nate’s mouth was fixed in a hard line as he glared out the window. “Let’s just get you home, huh?”

“Apple?” Mikey questioned from your kitchen as you watched him rummage around from your seat on the kitchen bench, Nate leaning against the cool laminate beside you. You dodged a little as Mikey threw Nate a piece of fruit. “What do you wanna do? Watch netflix or something?” Mikey suggested. You shrugged in response and Mikey nodded, making his way back into the other room as you slid off the countertop. You couldn’t help but grin as you sat down next to Nate and Mikey as Mikey flicked through netflix for something to watch. 

“Thanks,” you murmured.

“For what?” Nate questioned.

You flushed and ducked your head a little in embarrassment. “For sticking up for me... You guys didn’t have to do that.”

“Bullshit.” Mikey muttered. “’course we did, We’re you’re friends.”

You shrugged again. “I guess. But still...”

Mikey grinned, nudging your side. “Ice cream? Always cheers you up.” He offered, walking back to the kitchen to search through your freezer, making you chuckle a little.

You glanced up as you watched Nate move his hand to cover yours. “Do people say that stuff a lot?”

You shrugged. “Sometimes.”

“do you believe them?”he questioned softly. You hesitated, not sure where this was going, before shaking your head gently. “Then why does it get to you?”

You sighed, and felt him squeeze your hand gently. “Because I’m scared other people will.”

Nate was silent for a moment. “Do you think Mikey believes them? Do you think I believe them?” he sounded disbelieving.

“No! Yes- I don’t know!” You threw your hands up exasperatedly. “What if I do? Okay? What if you and Mikey and everyone else, thinks that? What if you’re just too polite to say it to my face?”

Nate caught your wrists to stop your frantic gesturing. “Do you really think that?” he questioned, staring at you. “Do you really believe that?”

“Maybe I do.” You retorted. “You wouldn’t tell me either way.”

Without warning, Nate lurched forward, kissing you fiercely as your back hit the couch. When he finally pulled back, leaving you wide-eyed and breathless, he pressed his forehead to yours, staring you right in the eyes. “If you think that, then they’ve won and I won’t let them do that.” he murmured quietly, finally letting go of your wrists and moving to sit up. You were quick to cup his face and kiss him again, to which he had no complaints.

[vixen-vangogh]

polyvore banned this for some reason (i cannot figure out what i need to censor for it to be posted though?? i tried even the most conservative of censorings)

so here’s what i was posting in the descrip instead

hey everybody i aged ! i am 23 years old by the standards of the gregorian calendar. differs with other calendars and planets but idrk the exchange rate of time too well

-

i talked to one of my other roommates about talking to the roommate who has been really flip floppy and ignorant about whether she's actually moving out or not

and idk i'm just really relieved that those of us staying are on the same page

like that one roommate who we're asking to leave yelled at me some really ableist stuff because she had some issues with the temperature being like a couple degrees off from room temperature (as in, like 25 degrees celsius was what it was set to - altho not what it actually was) and she had her upstairs window open in -40 degrees with the wind chill and it made our entire home freezing because i guess? for some reason ?? she needs the temperature to be like 0 degrees?? or something???

my body doesn't thermoregulate very well because i have POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) and generally deal w adrenal fatigue because of anxiety and panic and all that other stuff with trauma. the other roommates were also cold though and were trying to blow warm air into their hands etc and we have our windows covered in plastic wrap because windows don't provide enough insulation.

and then when i told her the only reason the heat is so high is because she has her window open and she lied and said it wasn't but after that 'conversation' (she blocked me on fb after yelling so like, it's not like much of that was actually double sided or civil) the temperature got way warmer thru the day almost like she shut her window when she got caught

[hand on chin, thinking emoji]

but anyway she's 27 and the rest of us are 19, 22 and 23 and she is acting like she's 12

i just want her to tell me concretely when she is moving out so i can make accommodations and stop having other people go around just because she literally blocked me on facebook making it impossible for us to communicate

(i don't have a phone contract and haven't in about 2 years because it's just.... a lot of money and organization and planning and i cannot guarantee my money any given day if it were to automatically come out of my account. that and i can't deal with talking on the phone because of anxiety and stuff.)

(it occurred to me somewhat recently though that you can use TTY on my particular device though so I might look into seeing if there's some way to get a pay as you go thing?)

--

i've been trying to rewire my mind whenever bad memories surface that I know i am to blame for how things happened.

from "i hate myself"

to

"i forgive myself" "i feel remorse about this" "i have grown" "i was a child" (and this includes times when i was a child in the sense that i was legally an adult but still a child in terms of my own personal growth and sense of self) "i accept that this happened." "feeling so guilty this way now will not make me a better person. i am already a better person now."

etc

i've tried a lot of different tactics to dealing with these things over the years and every now and again something i try will work or help and that is one of those things. :)

obviously i'm not ~cured~ but it's !! not the point? i'm not ever going to be cured because i have always been like this to a degree, and it would appear it's hereditary to some degree. (which i wouldn't have known about but - i was talking to my aunt the other day and we're actually on the same medications ... which is ?? pretty interesting how these things work out.) (i've never met anyone who was on the exact same meds as me, just folks who had the same meds one at a time or at some point now or in the past. just people who i could talk to about it and not necessarily people who are on the same meds as me.)

-

by talking to my aunt i don't mean to imply that i've got family really in my life still - but two of my paternal aunts and one of my cousins are on my facebook because i do trust them to a degree and they aren't exactly close with my dad anyway. (my dad sucks - i've been taken to calling him Cryptid Dad because it's a fun joke about how he presumably exists but I haven't seen him in years and only get an email a few times a year)

--

i've also gotten ridiculously into genealogy. like so hardcore into genealogy. it's extremely interesting and i have literally traced so many of my ancestors back as far as the H/uns of the Steppe and am absolutely baffled about that. granted, it wasn't necessarily my own research that put that together myself, but because at some point in the middle ages there was royalty in my lineage and if there's any famous families that have that so researched, it's royal families.

so like once i made that connection it was smooth sailing.

i've also found a bunch of Huguenot ancestors, which is pretty neat because honestly? i'd never heard of the Huguenots at all before wikitree was like "[ancestor name] was a Huguenot"

which is neat to think about and research

i'm also related to a captain john wood who was in the usa continental army during the revolutionary war and then after being held in a quebec d/ungeon for 4 years, decided he wanted to be canadian instead

his descendants got land from both sides. because apparently he helped both sides significantly enough for that.

i also feel like it's very important to know and learn about the very specific land thefts my ancestors took part in so that i can better name and advocate for the specific indigenous peoples today working hard to reclaim that land.

everyone always pulls the whole "but those were my ancestors not me" stuff but like??

you know our ancestors did it because they thought this was what we would have wanted right? because they thought some regressive stuff about "the future of the white rac/e" etc

and it worked because we're like what we are today.

don't you think we should like, idk, overthrow all of that? don't you think there's maybe more to renouncing your ancestors ? like maybe renouncing all the horrific things they did (consciously or unaware) that made it so ultimately there still exists extreme deprivation today that benefits us very directly

idk yeah

also genetics are very wild because i did take one of those ancestry dna tests over a year ago and uploading it to GEDmatch said there was Steppe DNA markers in there which. is ???? something I thought was a fluke or mistake until I got to literally the pre 1000s CE and found that there the H/uns were.

same for the Netherlands and areas around that because I guess a bunch of my ancestors were the original white pe/ople to come to NY

and Anatolia - that was because the H/uns too I think but I'm still not totally clear.

anyway it's some really interesting stuff and everytime I discover something I am left with dozens of new questions.

i'm also learning about isotope analyses and what that's about because i guess based on the atoms and stuff people have in their bodies you can tell where they've been, where they grew up, if they've migrated a lot recently, etc.

idk everything is ! way more interesting than i thought it was in high school.

i wish i had better science teachers back in the day and also like, that someone thought 'hey that kid is taking an hour longer than everyone else to complete their work.... ever think.... maybe there's a learning disability at work here?'

but because i was scraping up alright grades and wasn't much of a rebel as a kiddo they just shrugged it off. i think also, from what i understand, teachers and so on like to sort kids into categories where they say that ADHD and ADD and autis/m etc shows up differently in different genders (rather than just differently in different people, like would make more sense) and thus certain kids get diagnosed and others don't and it has some gender biases where people end up saying "boys are more likely to have ADHD" and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

like no, that's not true. that's not how the human brain works. you just think this way so you ignore certain kids and certain symptoms and it's just going to continue swaying the way you say because your initial base research was ignorant and biased

--

i feel really proud of myself for knowing the things i know despite being a dropout and not completing more than like, a year and a half of university and a year of college

i hate feeling this way but it's tied in way too much to my ego.

i need to let this go and acknowledge that i am incredibly intelligent and it's just that i transcend and cannot be measured or contained within the standards that were outlined this way.