#maybe i haven't scrolled too far in the dash?

[britishchick09]

when phantom closed last year i hoped they'd tour before coming back to broadway...

and i just might be right!!! :D

[lemoncrushh]

This is why I haven't been writing...

This got long, but I had to say it.

The lack of feedback has always been something writers struggle with, at least in the ten years I've been on tumblr. It's nothing new. But it feels like instead of improving, it's gotten even worse.

Years ago, I had a long-time mutual bash me for complaining about it, calling me entitled. I was upset about it then, but here's the thing...I am entitled. And so is every other writer on here. We are all entitled to a little feedback and interaction. That's what we're here for.

I understand the drought we're in without any new Harry content. But I would think that would bring even more readers. Instead, it's crickets. There are a handful of popular writers on here who constantly receive asks and get interaction, and I am in no way saying they don't deserve it. They absolutely do. But the rest of us do too.

Writing fanfiction is not a job. We do this shit for free. But it's still as time-consuming as a real job. And to only get likes with very few random reblogs here and there is very disheartening. We are content creators. I understand tumblr may not be like other apps and websites, but it's still content. And likes here mean nothing. It's not like on tikok or instagram where the algorithm somehow keeps track of likes. On tumblr it doesn't mean shit. Your like is not going to make my post show up on someone else's dash. The only way to get content shared on this app is to actually SHARE IT. That's what the reblog button is for.

Imagine how a content creator on any other platform would feel if they got no feedback. If nobody was interacting with them, they would probably get their feelings hurt and eventually pack it in. That is now I feel now. Tbh, I can't believe I've been here this long. If this were a job or a relationship, and I was telling someone else about how long I've been doing this with little to no reciprocation...they would shake their heads at me and tell me I was a fucking fool and I needed to get out of this situation.

Am I getting on my high horse? Damn right I am. I have been biting my tongue for far too long. I have made so many excuses over the years...that fic was too personal and didn't appeal to the mass audience, that fic was an AU and not everyone likes AUs, that fic was too long and most tumblr readers don't read chaptered fics, that fic had such-and-such trope that readers don't like, there are too many writers here now, nobody reads that kind of fic anymore they only want smut, that fic was too smutty, you're just too old and nobody likes you anymore...yes I've told myself all of it. And maybe I'll never really know why you guys don't like my fics or why you won't interact with me. All I know is I'm sick of trying.

I had - and actually still HAVE - loads of ideas for Harry fics. I am honestly so sad that I may never write them. But I just can't bring myself to get motivated and excited to write something when nobody gives a damn.

This definitely turned into a rant, but it's how I feel. I used to really like it on here, but that joy is long gone. Things really changed after the pandemic, and the newer fans don't seem to use tumblr the way we used to - and the older fans like me have mostly left or only pop in sporadically when something happens.

I was never here for likes. I'm bored just scrolling through pictures. Fandom to me was all about interaction and about finding people who loved the thing you loved. Nobody here gives a shit anymore.

I love Harry Styles. And tbh I still love fanfiction. I'm not deleting my blog because I deleted my heart-attack-harry one I'd had for years back in 2021, and I regretted it. This one will remain. And I'll still pop in now and then to read. But my heart is just not in the writing anymore.

Court

[moonlightdancer26]

I'm an ex-marauders fan at this point, but haven't yet worked up the nerve to leave :( Wish me luck.

The marauders fandom promises acceptance and tolerance and lighthearted fun, but as soon as Severus comes up, the previously rosy atmosphere turns downright ugly. I've seen so many marauders fans posting or reblogging about how “your trauma is valid”, how “intentions don’t matter if you hurt someone”, and how “apologies don’t count if they’re coupled with an excuse”… who also go out of their way to justify the ‘prank’ because Sirius didn’t /mean/ to almost kill Snape, and how it’s really all Snape’s fault, and why can’t he get over it already since the marauders clearly became better people (even though Snape never received any kind of apology or any indication that they regretted their behavior)?

And these posts live side by side on their dash? Idk just needed to vent as i figure out where to go next in this fandom (or maybe another one altogether)...

WTF THIS ASK WAS FROM SEPTEMBER 😭😭 I’M SO SORRY I SWEAR I’VE BEEN SO EXCITED TO ANSWER YOUR ASK BUT I GOT TOO BUSY AND ALWAYS POSTPONED IT 😭

Anyway, I totally wish you luck anon. It’s hard switching fandoms and building up the courage to “move to the other side,” but I can tell you that it is 100% worth it when you realise how much the Snapedom differs from the Marauders fandom! As someone who’s been in the fandom for many years, seen what both sides are like, and has a bunch of friends (both online and irl) who don’t always share the same opinion, I can safely say that we are generally far more accepting of different opinions than the Marauders fandom. We tend to steer clear of them because they’re.. very persistent about their opinions and find it amusing to purposefully mistag their anti-Snape posts or to scroll through pro-Snape/anti-Marauders tags and attack the posters. But if you’re not like that and you can accept not always agreeing with friends or fandom members, then we’ll welcome you with open arms <3

And honestly I agree, I’ve seen Marauder stans make excellent and detailed analyses of their favourite characters and articulate their arguments greatly. But then all that reading comprehension shoots out the window when it comes to Snape, and you suddenly see them brush him off as nothing more than a “obsessed incel nazi” and call it a day. I’ve seen similar things happen with Snape fans as well, and I completely understand how you feel.

All I can say is: Just leave the Marauders fandom. Either announce it with a post and say that you no longer wish to be in the Marauders fandom or want to switch to the Snape fandom. Or if you want, you can create another blog altogether. The important thing is that you do it now and get it over with, because simply reading your ask and knowing how it’s negatively affecting you really upsets me. This ask was sent around 2 months ago, so I hope that by now you’ve done something about it, but if you haven’t, this is what I think about the whole situation. I wish you the best ❤️❤️ and if you, or anyone else who’s struggling with anything similar, want to DM me and talk about this, don’t hesitate to do so.

[meowzfordayz]

Hey!!!! I saw you on my dash and did a little scroll down through your blog, congrats on making progress through your to-do list!

1) saw that you're playing Stardew Valley, i was OBSESSED with Stardew for the longest, even dragged my boyfriend into it 😂 I have so many different farmers it's not even funny, bc even with rabbit's feet i feel awful about hurting their little pixelly hearts by dating multiple romanceables at once lol. I've married Shane, Penny, Alex, Harvey, and Sebastian iirc. I actually divorced seb to marry harvey 🫣 But I've gone through everyone's heart events except for Elliott and Maru. (maybe emily too but i like. vaguely remember her 8 heart event. same for sam) Fave bachelor is a tossup between Alex and Harvey, fave bachelorette is a tossup between Penny and Leah. I just love that game so much 😩

2) how's your knee doing? saw someone else as about it, glad to hear it's getting better. didn't get to scroll back far enough to see what happened to it 😭 buuuuut good to hear recovery is going well!!!

That's it really, been working on my screentime again so I haven't been on tumblr a lot lately (tiktok is my main time sink. 24 hrs in one week is just. SO MUCH.) I hope life's been treating you well!! my life is still hectic as always (my son has been sick on and off for the past 2 months, and my mother in law is causing TONS of drama. but my ankle is getting better! i can stand for like 2-4 hrs without pain!).

Hope you have a wonderful day/night!!

Courtney !!!!! 😭😍 M’always happy when you pop up in my notifs. 🥺💞

I eventually want to have one of each type of farm, but am fixated on my OG farm atm; I’ve barely even touched Ginger Island! 😆 I’ve enjoyed getting to know/romancing all of the villagers, but gravitate toward (in alphabetical order) Abigail, Elliott, Haley, Harvey, Sam, and Sebastian the most. ☺️ My irl bf’s def more of an Alex/Sam combo tho (golden retriever vibes). 😅💘

I sprained my knee a couple weeks ago. 🥴 It’s healed pretty well for basic movement, but I can’t rock climb on it super hard yet (can’t put much downforce into/onto it). 🥲

I’m proud of you for managing your screen time! 😁 I don’t do such a great job at that myself. 🙃 Sending you and your son get-well-soon vibes 💝 (yay for progress + less pain 🥳), and your MIL fuck-off-soon vibes. 🫢

M’off to sleep ~imminently (hopefully); may we both sleep well and sweet! ⭐️🌙

[ronin-deactivated19851026]

so i've been extremely overwhelmed by....... i guess everything online lmao, it's really hard to focus on things when you're constantly bombarded with things you don't really need at the moment

i'm trying to get back into journaling but damn it's so hard. i know my head isn't empty, i spawn walls of texts almost daily, but my mind goes blank when i'm in front of an open notebook because i don't know what's truly worthy of writing down? it's kind of like with drawing at this point. i'm stuck with the art block because i don't know what's worthy of drawing. and guess what made me feel this way? the social media lmfao. i hate that literally every idea i consider cool i never depict because my brain immediately goes like, "who cares about this?", "this won't get noticed and also you're too late, so don't be cringe", etc

i hate this so much idk. anyway, i think i'm going to make a list of things to focus on, both personal projects/artistic inspirations and fandom related ones. i do have things i overfixate on for years, so why am i letting myself be distracted by some random content ideas that only matter to me for like a day or two...?

i should also start limiting inspirations in general, looking at my folder rn and realizing that there are just WAY TOO MANY things i want to incorporate into my work and it really overwhelms me. reminds me of various artists saying that "less is more" and holy crap i should start limiting myself. this is something i slowly started to realize on my own when i did some pixel art, which is limited already due to its nature, with some color palettes instead of randomly staring at a color wheel for half an hour, not being able to decide which one to use.

also i found out about artfol, social media for artists, and so far it seems promising? haven't tried it yet, maybe i will upload some stuff there later. also maybe i'll finally sort everything here on tunglr dot com and make a separate art blog and will use this one as my "main"-diary-esque blog where i won't post much. it's not like i'm on here anyway, my dash feels overwhelming so i don't even scroll past 3-4 posts a day anymore on here. i'm tired of social media. it doesn't feel personal anymore, it's not fun, not interesting...

fomo effect used to fuck me up before something clicked and i stopped scrolling things. because due to nature of the modern internet, i have more chances of stumbling across useful/interesting information if i just keep scrolling through junk. since as you know, google is dead anyway, shit is hard to find these days, and indeed, every cool thing i managed to find was through random braindead scrolling (post 2016 i mean, i miss mid 2000s era when stuff was actually GOOGLEABLE and you didn't need to scroll long ass feed to stumble across cool things, you could get there at your own pace while just surfing the web). so the habit was made worse by "damn what if i miss some obscure post that features obscure cool thing that will matter to me once i get to know it??" but i'm just so fucking exhausted... everything i love about the internet because so dormant, niche even. the internet, as i define it, is dead to me. it's really heartbreaking

[princessconsuelapark]

Signed on to tumblr and your 'of course it doesn't feel right' post was the first thing on my dash. I was immediately like 'uh oh,' then scrolled down to the tag you used and saw it was trending and went 'UH OH' and then clicked on it to see what the hell was happening. So. Uh. Thanks for breaking the news to me, I guess. Feels weird to say I'm sorry for your loss when it's a celebrity, but... it's still a loss. And your grief is real. Sending sympathy.

god, I'm so sorry. I'm still in the shock phase I think? there was a bit of anger earlier, but just kinda feeling numb right now.

I don't know what's the best way to receive news like this.... is there a best way? my mum phoned me to check up on me while I was at the gym and I haven't even seen it yet. she saw it and thought of me and wanted to see if I was okay. god. for a second for whatever reason I thought she meant Liam Gallagher. it felt so far away from a real actual possibility that I didn't understand what she was saying. and then all I could think to do is to finish my workout because what else can you do ?? then the bbc news notification came through and i just kept doing my workout and did not click on it. I have so many thoughts and emotions and none of them really truly meaningful or comprehensible. muted every related word on twitter because I already saw opinions and takes i did not want to see. saw some more after muting every related word. thankfully people on here have been nothing but lovely and gentle and wise. I love us and what we all built together so much.

thanks so much for messaging. so sorry you found out from me, although maybe I'm a little bit glad you didn't find out some other way. sending all the love.

you're so right, it shouldn't feel as meaningful as it does, but of course it is, because I never met him, but he was right here on my screen for so so long and so close to me in so many ways. sorry for your loss too. hope you know all you're feeling right now is completely valid ❤️ much love.

[pendulum-sonata]

@blueeyeswhitegarden replied to your post “@blueeyeswhitegarden replied to your post “This is...”:

It turns out that I did just miss your post since I think it was made shortly after I started going through my dash that night. I have heard from another person I follow about posts disappearing on their dash, so that may be related to this issue. I primarily use Tumblr through my laptop, but I haven't noticed anything strange on my end yet.

Ah, that makes sense, having something that only affects certain users also seems like a very on brand thing, because let's be honest if this was affecting the whole user-base, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have lasted a day before there was already some post with at least 10k notes complaining about it. So far I only found a handful of users who this has also been affecting, and are just as confused as I am.

Even so, I can't help but think if there may be more, and maybe they haven't noticed because not all us scroll as far back as I do, or may follow so many people, that they don't notice? Also, some people may have thought I was referring to the "where you left last time?" when I'm just talking about scrolling down, because funnily enough using that function CAN take me farther back, but if I can't see the previous post to that, it's of no use to me ;-;

Although I should warn you, this is happening to me both in the app, and the desktop site, even a mobile browser or a different version of the app makes no difference, which leads to believe it a deeper problem, it wouldn't surprise me if it starts affecting more people too.

It's also worth noting, that @staff and @support have indeed stopped their communication with me, I haven't received any more answers :/

@blueeyeswhitegarden replied to your post “This is so dumb: Remember that I made a post 2...”:

That's really strange. I somehow missed this post yesterday. I don't know if that was from issue on my dash or if I just missed it while scrolling late last night. There have been times where my dash doesn't load or stops loading before I get to where I left off, but I haven't noticed anything lately. No surprise that the staff haven't been too helpful sadly.

​It's likely you missed it because of this, and specifically this started happening with the update of Jun 19th, everything was fine before that. But even trying to install a previous version of the app doesn't help, which I kinda expected it since it's also happening in desktop, but was worth the try :'D

Now both @staff and @support simply stopped answering, or idk, the only thing I hope this is just some sort of mistake they are trying to fix and not something they actually meant to do.

[belleta]

The Forest - Part One

Consists: Supernatural, SKZ as different SN creatures, adventure, romance, drama, action, ......still trying to figure out all the details....lol XD

"Come on Y/N!", I was racing around the house. Trying to make sure I had everything for this trip. "Omg Y/N, let's GO~!" I swear to the universe she's going to thank me later. " I'm coming child!" I screamed back. Alrighty I just need my retainer. I bounded up the stairs and glided down the hallway with my cotton socks. Bursting into my room, I quickly scanned it for the sparkly emerald case. I caught sight of it out of the corner of my eye, "Boom!" I ran forward and snatched it off my windowsill. While leaping for my door, I paused and turned back to what I call my sanctuary. Call me paranoid but I'm kinda afraid of camping in the middle of the woods. Ever since I watched "The Blair Witch Project", I've been creeped.

It doesn't help that Jazzy forced us to watch the film, previous to this morning. I was drifting in the fairy floss clouds of my mind when a loud honk poured water on them. I sucked in a breath, blowing raspberries. Padding back over to my bedside, I grabbed my Ice Bear plushie. Giving it a quick squeeze and finally deciding that he's coming with me. Galloping back through the house, I made it out, locked the door and hopped in the back seat like a spring rabbit. "What took you so long?" I gazed up through my fringe at my girl bestie Jazmine. She had long beautiful honey blonde hair, and a mousy nose. Her blue eyes were alike with pebbles under a lake, with cheeks connected by a dash of light freckles. "I swear I just aged waiting for you" and Danny, our guy bestie. I've been best friends with Danny, since 3rd grade. Jazzy moved over during the 5th grade. All three of us have been with each other through thick and thin. Daniel was Hawaiian Japanese descent, had perfect colorful nails and absolutely gorgeous eye makeup. We were all dressed in casual, comfy clothes for the trip. Jazmine, or Jazzy as people call her, as the oldest. She was driving Danny's dad's truck. It was spacious and definitely was fit for the environment. Danny, second eldest was in shotgun and I, being the "baby", was in the back. "I was just making sure I have everything." The two rolled their eyes. Danny looked back at me "Girl, you need to chill. We've got everything and more" the boy stated. "I know, I know.....I'm just paranoid, you know.....being in the woods for a week" I looked down at my feet and played with my fingers to cover my embarressedness. "Awww, is the baby scared", Jazzy giggled, imitating a child. I swatted at her, "Let's just...finally go" I grumbled, reaching inside my bag to pull out my headphones. "Fine" they answered teasingly. While Jazzy was pulling out, I fastened myself and slid my headphones on. Bluetoothing them and unlocking my phone, I scrolled through my YouTube Music playlist finding the one named 'Bell Mix'. After that, I went back to the truffula trees and fairy floss. Just listening to my music and thinking about things. There were a couple times, where I thought I might get sick, but I had remembered my motion sickness bracelets. In your face! It's better to set out a little later, rather than having our vehicle reeking of my insides. 2 or 3 hours went by, or something. I'm not really sure, my brain doesn't really have a sense of time when I'm inside of it. We stopped to use the bathroom, get food and fuel at a gas station, maybe 2 hours away from the forest. "Can I, can I, can I, can I PLEASE?!?" I had been begging Jazzy to let me buy a bag of Haribo for 10 minutes now, and she was starting to break. I'm very persuasive as you find out, and I happen to be a very prominent weakness to many throughout my life. She finally gave in and I bounced away to the candy isle with glee and happily picked out a bag, promising to share. Jazzy just rolled her eyes and paid for our things. We trotted back to the car and continued our journey. It was nearing the end of 2pm when we finally arrived at the edge of the forest. It's lushes were absolutely perfectly splendid. The road continued for a hot minute, until it gave away to dirt and rocks. We didn't want to stray too far from the dirt road, so we slowly kept moving in until I suddenly exclaimed at the sight of a pretty little clearing. It had a few little bushes marking the edges, thick but soft looking grass, and a little dirt patch at one side that should be perfect for a firepit. We pulled over to take a look around, flattening a few bushes in the process. As soon as the truck came to a stop I shoved the door open and sprung down onto the flourishing forest floor. The first thing I did was take a deep breath to soak in the sweet scent of the untouched earth. I reached up, stretching and cracking a few of my bones in the process. Then I raced through the trees and undergrowth, toward the beautiful glade. It felt so nice to get away from civilization, I had always loved

getting away like this. Being able to recharge away from annoying people and sounds, my fears of the night were long forgotten. I was two steps away from the grass when I suddenly tripped over something. Tumbling forward and scratching my cheek. I landed on my face, but on the bright side it was luckily with no rocks around. The dirt however spared me at nothing, crawling into my fresh scrapes, was a sharp and quick stinging as I grabbed my face. "Seriously Y/N, we haven't even completely left the car yet and you've already managed to hurt yourself" Jazzy declared. Danny chimed in, "Did you hurt yourself at all?". Quickly inspecting myself, I responded "Yes, a tiny bit on my cheek, hands and knees", I could hear them muttering to themselves about how reckless I was sometimes. They started toward me and as I waited for them to catch up, I decided to look around and figure out where to put things for these next few days. While ogling the decently wide stretch that was conveniently shielded by a mighty sugar maple. I thought I saw something in the undergrowth a few meters away from me. I grabbed my glasses and narrowed my eyes, but right when I thought I saw whatever it was, two flashes shot in the opposite direction between the ferns and disappeared. They were kinda hidden but I could sorta make out one of the shapes was darker and slightly bigger. The other was a little bit easier but still was difficult, it was kinda brown, or maybe reddish? At that moment I felt two hands on my shoulders, "Let me see", it was Jazzy. She inspected my injury. "It'll be fine, just wash it off", "Okie-Dokie-Artichokie", she laughed and ruffled my hair. I gazed back at where I saw the two shapes but not even the bushes were still moving. "Hey!" I cocked my head back to the voice "Can you help me?" Danny was struggling to unpack from the back. "Sure thing Danny-O" I quickly stood up, maybe a little too quick. My vision went funny and I almost stumbled. "Oh my god Y/N! Be careful!" Jazzy scolded, "My bad!" I was a little all over the place at the moment. Finally we were on this trip! I mean, I waited 6 months for this and it's finally here! I'm not all childish, I'm actually very 4D. I'm just really excited okay? I more carefully walked back to the truck, where Danny was struggling to keep ahold of what appeared to be the tent. Over the course of the next hour and a half we set up everything. Goofing around and laughing. Danny had been pulling too hard on our sleeping bags, to wedge them out of the trunk. And had accidentally fallen onto the slightly wet dirt, causing a very prominent brown streak across his gray sweatpants and sky blue tie dye hoodie. I was currently on my way to find the stream that is supposably close by, with a screenshot of google maps and a compass. Service wasn't exactly a 5 star out here, but I didn't mind too much. I brought a portable WiFi router with me, so if Jason Vorhees just decided to pull one, we could call for help. Every so often I would hang a wooden heart ornament on one of the tree's branches, so if this was the correct way then we would never get lost. Also so that I didn't get lost right now. I had been making these last night, for these exact reasons. I swear only dumb people don't mark their surroundings, this is one of the main reasons why people disappear and are never found or get lost. There are no traces of where they've been, like these fruit loops really-...... After about another 20 meters I started hearing the sounds of water. It became louder and louder really quickly. Is there a waterfall here? I pondered, while quickening my pace with curiosity. 35 seconds later I came across a thinning in the trees and beyond a clear water stream. I finally broke out of the shelter provided from the thick leaves, the sun kissed my skin with it's warm touch. I looked around and sure enough, there was a small waterfall that looked straight out of a fairytale. It had multiple uneven levels, with smoothed boulders everywhere. And to top it all off, it had little water plants scattered around it. Absolutely

beautiful.... I scanned around and spotted a few giant boulders poking into the stream. I carefully picked my way over to them, clutching onto Danny's muddy clothes. Hopping onto the sunlight warmed stones, I positioned myself perfectly so that I could reach the water but wouldn't fall in. I reached into my pocket for my zip lock of natural soap, of course I didn't want to hurt this literally untouched land. I leaned down to dunk the fabric into the stream's crystal-like water and kneaded the brown smudge. It was decently cold, just perfect for a stream. I turned back to the small bag with a green bar wrapped with brown paper and a little herb decoration. I unzipped it and reached for a tiny hand towel I brought with me so that I would have a better grip on the soap, even if I got wet. After dunking the clothes in I took the bar of soap and swiped it all over. I dipped it into the water once to help the bubble come, then I started aggressively rubbing it. Once the outfit was foaming with suds, I slapped it into the brook. Holding onto the sleeve I rub it harshly all over to get the stains out. It was relatively still easy because the events of cause were only moments before. I was starting to disappear into my thoughts, getting deeper and deeper and deeper....... And just then a crash and from the trees, followed by snarls and barks. I was so lost in my thought that this jolted me into the canal. The water suddenly became ice cold, my scream had been washed away. A surge of water filled my lungs from the way my mouth was open to yelp. I could still hear the sounds of fighting every so often, when I would surface. My head was hurting, my skin was stinging and my lungs were screaming. Someone.....please help..... It was hurting so much, I was trying not to panic. So I could find the surface and get back to shore. I would break through it's crisp arctic clutches every so often and would cry out for help but then get cut off by the now frosty darkness. I was giving up to the stream and submitting to the coldness. Letting it swallow me whole. I was numb, I couldn't feel my body being thrown around anymore, Is this how my story ends? No! I don't want to! I still have things to do! I need to graduate, and find my passion! I need to find a man who will love me as much as I do! I need to birth young and care for them! I want to grow old with my partner happily! I can't die yet! I just can't! But it was just so cold. I had stopped moving violently, so I guess I had been poured into a lake or something. I didn't care anymore. My blood felt frozen, I couldn't even bend a finger. That's when I felt a force near me, it parted the waters. Moving me in a different direction with its power. Then not long after I felt something grab hold of me in an awkward way. I was starting to be pulled into another direction, as the water streamed around, parting to let me and whatever that was saving me through. Then I broke through the surface and that was the last thing I felt before slipping into a comfy unconsciousness.

[thedreamingscorpio]

Personal 4

Okay so I'm feeling really chatty today, have good energy levels, and don't feel the urge to cry, and so I noticed how I want to talk and share and my blog is messy, also that I'm in a sorta transformative stage right now, the knowledge that if I happen to get a college, we'll be shifting by this time next month and that I have to do a crash course in driving in the meantime, it's... Daunting.

I may be talking a lot lot from now on, also just noticed how cute the word lot is, also this is a grammatical blunder, distracted again, but anyway, I love you all so so much and it gives me comfort knowing that even though people present around me physically may not always get me and my brand of weird, I can rant here, get mushy and go on obnoxiously long speeches about my new hyper fixation. This is me, my antics, my thoughts, a substitute to the personal diary I never write in for over 20 days, the ups and downs of my every day, my love for things new and fascinating, me being an idiot, and my tears.

For your sake and mine, I'll be tagging things appropriately from now on, maybe create navigation? Idk, but yeah I will bring some structure into this, so you can read what and if you want to and not shove it down your throat. You see I remember tagging things, but then I'm like wait let me find that particular cat and just keep on scrolling endlessly and I'll be like, oh here it is, my friend will glance over expectantly, and then I'll be like oh no it's not that one, but still so cute, but you wanted the one with the crazy claws, lemme find it and it'll keep looping over like a gif every day. Don't want that to happen.

Also, I'll tag things because I tend to get way too emotional over nothing sometimes, like drying my childhood napkin, or how I read all of wiki over fruit bats, right down to the gore when I encounter one at 1 at night, you'll know if I fainted when seeing a cadaver for the first time or not(I soo want to tbh, I've never fainted ever, but then they gotta make the lab full of pillows and cushioned floors and for the floor to give off this wonderful scent to mask the formalin), or if I get locked into a bathroom, or maybe I won't get a college again(don't want that happening, am 99% sure it won't, got my OMR and all, but yeah I'm a skeptic so...)

But really I love love love it here, I can really talk about my utter inability to maintain/perform(Idk what's right?) small talk, why I don't want to meet my friends, even though they're super angry because of this very reason because I feel like I'll dampen their moods with mine, how I'm just scared of the most random things in general and sometimes feel like I want to go on a trek without phones and for the road to lead the way and we can talk like Robert Frost about the road not taken, or how and where it would've led us if we did, how I have simply too much energy sometimes(like today and then I go on writing such disgustingly long paragraphs, which either you haven't read in the first place, left midway or are still reading and thinking about my idiosyncrasies and have sighed around 4 times by now, or are wondering just why is this on your dash at all), in any case, I appreciate you to the depths of infinity(okay invalid) and am thankful for meeting you.

I think I'll finally check my mail now, call up the friend I want to talk to for about 15 days now but am putting off, answer my asks and actually get to some work, something I prefer to imagine about all day rather than getting to it.

Just in case you are wondering, why not make a personal blog, it's just that I'm too attached to my main and that I have a tendency to spiral into the dark and deep beyond what is considered a healthy amount, don't want to end up creating a gloomy space for me to get lost in, I'm flickering a lot since the past couple of days and so I'll try and keep everything as separate as possible.

I immensely appreciate your time and effort if you did get this far and I hope you have a great day ahead!

[sagenivydragonfly]

🌌Wolf Child🌌

(scroll down for story)

Not having a family is harder than you think. Having to watch other children receive presents and hugs from their parents. Its the little things, like watching families ice skate or seeing then get icecream and the laughing. Its the laughing that bothers me the most. I don't think I've really laughed in my entire life. I've tried before. What came out was a ghost of happiness, of real joy. Just an eery sound that brought a shiver to my shoulders and uneasiness to my mind. My hands clung to the cold rails of the ice rink. I couldn't afford to go in. I just watched no money. No anything. Just the clothes on my back. Id managed to swipe them from a donation bin. Tan skinny jeans and boots two sizes to small. The only thing I liked about my clothes was my coat. A blue denim jacket lined with fleece and little yellow buttons with matching yellow pockets. The boots dug into my toes almost telling me what everything told me, "You've been here too long, No one wants to here. Time to leave. I gazed at the families holding hands one last time and walked away. I don't know where I was going. Just away.I was adopted and for a short while I had a family. My parents dumped me when was 10. Id always had issues with anger. They decided it was a good reason to get rid of me. Parentless again. Ive been living on my own for a while stealing and begging for food and clothes. Im not old enough for a job being 12. So until then im here. I was knocked out of my daze by a sign. The town line. Id walked too far. Ahead of me was forest. I stood for a while trying to figure out where to go next. For some reason I walked forward. So dumb. I noticed the trees slowly getting darker their leaves were harder to make out individually. I keep walking. Suddenly I snap out of it and realize what Ive done. Nightfall. I can barely see my hand in front of me. I panic. I don't know the way back let alone where I am. I can hear my heart pounding I run. My breathing ragged. I need to get out. Faster faster! I push on. Miles and miles, the sheer force of adrenaline and will to live forcing my body on. I feel im about to pass out. Then out of no where Thump! I hit something! Wait something hit me! Im on the ground now. Looming over me is a form. I hear a growl and from above something wet and slimy drips onto my face. The gaping maw closes over my shoulder. I claw and scream hit and kick but im too exhausted to fight anyone "No! No! No..."I let it consume me I pass out.

I hear sounds but they sound faint and watery my head feels like its under water. I try to move. My head throbs. I groan. I force my eyes open. I look up. Trees are above me and I hear birbs chirping. Where am I? This isn't the city. I sit up dizzy and disoriented. Im in the spot I was last night. I jolt to attention. That thing...from last night what was it? Was it real was it a dream? I move my arm and yell out. My coat is on the ground next to me my shirt is torn. I move the fabric to expose a few scabbed over punctures in my left shoulder. It was defiantly real. I try to stand up. I wobble. "Ugh" I gather my coat and put it on. At least I still have this. I pick a direction and I begin walking. My stomach growls. I haven't eaten in 2 days. Maybe ill starve. That wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I stop. Leaves are crinkling. Its not me. Something runs near, only a few trees away. I can't see through the thickness of the forest. Fear. I dash off. My hunger overtakes me. Im not as fast as before. Im weak and tired. I have nothing left. I stop. Keeling over and wheezing. I almost choke my guts out breathing so hard. Finally it doesn't hurt to break I stand up. No. I look straight into the eyes of a Grey wolf. I freeze. No where to go now. Nowhere to hid. A deer in the open. Almost begging to be eaten. He doesn't move. I look panic in my eyes. He doesn't look angry but he doesn't look away. A menacing stare. Could melt ice with that gaze. I look away. He sits. I try to slowly back away. He growls. I stop. He stops growling. I sit. We look at eachother. Im confused on what to do and scared about being eaten alive. He yawns. I being and idiot scoot towards him. He cocks his head. He doesn't know what I am. I wonder what hes alone. Hes not the biggest wolf but hes not small. Hes dark grey with black guard hairs. Yellowy amber eyes cunning and sharp. But something about his eyes now are soft and inviting. I suddenly want to touch his fur. I reach my hand out. He looks at me and does nothing. I begin to lower my hand. He shoves his muzzle into my hand. Im shocked. Hes soft. I gently pet his muzzle. I look at his eyes again. He respects me it seems. Im still going to be careful. We spend the rest of the day walking and sitting infront of eachother. I wonder why he didn't eat me in the first place. Was he lonely? Im lonely. Wheres his family. Its dark again. Im scared. What is in this forest. I instinctively grab onto him. He makes a noise. A nonthretaning noise. I rest my hand on his back and let him lead. We come to a clearing. I think he sleeps here. There's a tree with a hole at the base. He leads me there and I follow him inside. The floor is dirt and smooth. He turns around 3 times and curls up in a corner I do the same and laugh. I cover my mouth. A real laugh. Im astonished. A wolf made me laugh. I giggle and close my eyes, drifting to sleep.

Morning. The birds are chirping again. I look for the wolf. Hes standing in the clearing. He needs a name. So do i. I sit next to him and study him. He sniffs some Wild Thyme. "Aha!" he looks up questioning me. I point at him "Thyme!" he sniffs the thyme again. My stomach growls. He runs off. I get worried. I wait 30 min. He comes back with a squirrel. He sets it down infront of me. I look at him. Im silent for a few min. I finally give in a start tearing of chunks of meat and stuffing it on my mouth. There's barely any taste. But food is food.

Over the next few days Thyme and i become good friends. He hunts and I spot his prey from up in a tree. Thyme gave me a wolf name it kinda sounds like "Aaaaaru!" I laugh all the time now.

Years have passed and I still live here. Ive outgrown everything except my coat an pants. Im 15 now old enough to work. Thyme showed me the way back to the city a along time ago. I never wanted to go back. I say goodbye and that ill come back.

I walk down the main street. Things have changed. Its been 3 years after all. I go to the donation box. I freeze. There in the pile is a fuzzy wolf hat with paw gloves attached. The same color as Thymes coat. I snatch it immediately. "Hey.Hey!you can't take from there!" I don't even see whose yelling. I ran before I could look i put it on my head. Im homeless anyways. I ran to the other side of town. Sliding down the wall onto the ground I sit. "Hey you." I turn around. "Youre fast" "me?" she nods. "Thanks?" I nervously reply. "You got the legs on ya that you could deliver my baked goods to the customers in the knick of time! Would ya like a job missy?" "uh...Oh! Yes yes definatly!" "Come on in then! Oh by the way what's your name?" Oh crap I don't have one. "Uh...uh...Aaru?" she nods. I take a deep breath and begin a normalish life.

It has been a year since I last saw Thyme. I went back a month later but he wasnt there. I walked the whole forest and he was gone. I screamed the name of my best friend and brother and only family as loud as I could. Nothing. Now I walk through that forest for the millionth time. I sit by the clearing and the tree with the hole. I rest my weary legs. I hold my arms out and cry pretending he was there. I felt him but it wasnt real. I cried into his fur and sobbed against his chest. I opened my eyes. I stared into the eyes of my old friend. He was missing a part of his front leg, he was covered in battle scars and he looked like he had been to hell and back. I didn't care. I had my family. But I hadnt even begun to realize what happened to him. Finding out may be to gruesome

For now we wait in eachother arms. Two wolves

A family

🌌A pack🌌

I really worked hard on this so if anyone reads it im so happy, but also surprised cause its suuuuuper long aaa 🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌

[sanfielle]

i haven't scrolled far down the dash so if you already mentioned it i'm sorry but do you have a courier character and if so please can i see them

mine is a ghost person their name is october they travel with lily and ed-e they use a laer and they want to kill father elijah more than anything

OCTOBER IS A REALLY FUN NAME esp for a fallout protag given when the bombs dropepd hehehe. i have multiple specifically for fnv though depending on whichever run i do/use... i havent drawn any yet unfortuantely but i can break down their basic traits and stuff ^_^ jfc im putting these under acut because im babbling a lot here

INDEPENDENT RUN (i do this most often just naturally tbh): thimble, she/her, latino/native (in my head. fnv does only do latino. sniffles), usually primarily an agility + charisma build. shes usually a little wishy-washy/hard to count on given she gets so easily distracted by a million things but she does have a moral code she manages to stick to. usually has good or neutral karma - she does think the wasteland should belong to those who actually live there but also she steals like anything not nailed down too just out of habit so LOL. usual companions are cassidy + rex.

NCR RUN: carly, she/her, white, usually a perception + intelligence build. in my head her lore is that she wanted to be a doctor of some kind prior to the courier life but never found the means to do so, and now that shes here she wants to save as many lives as possible and feels the NCR is the way to do that even if its not exactly... agreeable... very much a sort of 'world is black and white' type of gal. usual companions are boone + ED-E.

LEGION RUN: i will disclaim with i hate legion runs the most aside from the fact that legion sucks they are just so fucking hard to do givwn you have to wait SO LONG before you can actually get into doing legion stuff in game. and it makes half the map hate you. SO i havent actually thought about this one too long since ive only run legon maybe twice... but so farrrrrr --- magnus, he/him, white, strength + perception build. of all my couriers this is the hardest hitter and alsousually the stupidest (or tied with thimble). i don't think he totally buys into legion's shit but he also knows ncr and house won't be able to maintain the entire wasteland here so. yknow. never occurrs to him that he can just go independent. usual companion is only ED-E, he doesnt see a point beyond it since he can handle anything that comes his way (in his head at least. lol)

HOUSE RUN: richard, he/him, black, intelligence + charisma build. think of every single smarmy businessman youve ever seen rolled into one. hes like if saul goodman from brba could wield a gun but worse because he really likes to show off about it all. house just makes the most sense to him since his mindset is just every man for himself, adn if you make it to the strip, you belong on the strip, and thus have earned it. fuck everything else! usual companions are veronica + rex. he thinks he can male manipulate veronica into letting him at the BOS bunkers supplies to sell for tons of caps </3.

anyway liek i said i havent drawn them ever because im just very lazy but they are fun to think about so maybe someday i will. sniffles

[halekingsourwolf]

I guess there's TW news??? I just scrolled far enough down my dash to see gifs - I'm so disconnected from cannon I had no idea. I haven't watched the show in a while, but wtf is up with sc*lia? Have they like, ever talked to each other?? Gahhhhhh gross. But at least this will refuel the sterek shippers (I hope)!

lol yup! You’re probably caught up on this point but yeah, new trailer, old characters, a lot of fandom flailing in both positive and negative directions. I think we’re all a little worn out at this point just from all the emotions, but I’ve already seen some new gifsets and I’m sure a ton of ficlets, headcanons, and general fandoming will be happening soon enough!

As for that other ship… yeah, I really can’t comment. I don’t know anything about their interactions so even though it seems very “pair off the spares” to me (everyone else in the pack is officially dating each other at this point, right? They’re the only single ones so I guess they have to get together *rolls eyes*) maybe it makes sense. Either way… I can’t really think too much about her it.