#maybe he is for sure on stage too but i can't tell because u know how *ahem* slime tutorials are

[pastelevie]

getting very emotional about the end of The Final Battle in this chili's tonight

i've been watching some videos and man i especially love how it is on rotating stages. the barricade slowly turning so you can see gavroche on the ground and enjolras hanging upside down from it, lying on top of the flag. it's just. damn. especially with the way the music swells with the same melody as "the summers die one by one". it really hits me, y'know

...and as i was typing this i realized how perfect it is that it's those two. the leader who filled everyone with hope for a better future and a child who is the perfect example of who they were fighting for. a heartbreaking snapshot of the rebellion and its failure

and. y'know what i'm already rambling lemme do it some more. i love the way javert comes in silently surveying everything. like yes he's looking for valjean but. he isn't heartless. did he wish death on each and every traitor? yeah. but it's different seeing a battlefield of dead schoolboys. schoolboys who, during his brief time as a spy and their prisoner, he saw hopeful and youthful and lively and courageous. he's absolutely mourning these lives cut short, even if only on the inside because they were traitors and his morals say they deserved it

it feels like... a first moment of softening. and it makes him letting valjean go just the littlest bit more emotional than it already was. because here's valjean who let him go. and i think he'd already let him go anyway because of that. but then he's got one of those schoolboys, still alive. i think, if there was any hardness left to him before that moment, marius was what washed the rest away. like i said, i think he would've let valjean go anyway, and valjean is of course the source of his subsequent crisis, but i think in that moment he did consider marius in the equation

[shalomniscient]

HI SEV! i’m the anon who cooked up that whole milf reader rahu idea thing AND IM SO GLAD U LIKED IT HAHSGAATA i was honestly shocked you chose to write a whole MEAL for that tho (appreciate and love you 🫶🏻)

but now it got me thinking…….how would reader’s son react to his mother dating his teacher? 🤔 i feel like he’d flip tf out cus i imagined him and rahu having a somewhat close relationship kinda like a friendship

(also i plan to req a lot more if thats okay! so can i be 🕯️anon? :3)

hiiiii !! ofc u can be 🕯️anon, glad to have u here !!

me personally, i view it through the lens of what would be funniest, and for me it manifests as reader's son is a little bit of a brat in university. he's a conventionally attractive young adult (he gets his looks from his mom) who by extension is popular, which is a quite a feat given his niche course. also a party animal, so people know his name around campus. hell, he might even be part of a frat LMAO all that combines into a young man with maybe too much of an inflated ego, who thinks he can get away with slacking in class. rahu doesn't stand for that shit, so the next time he turns in half-assed work she smacks it with a flat D, even after he submitted an appeal saying he was sick (he was hungover, rahu saw him passed out on a bench outside a frat house while she walked back from campus to your apartment).

so now he's beefing with the TA. which isn't ideal, because everyone else loves the TA (they think she's super fucking hot). he calls his mom, reader, to complain about her but she just laughs and tells him it's about time someone made him work a little. he's annoyed, but his mom sounds... happier? so he lets it slide, because despite his outward persona he loves his mom more than anything. which is also why, when she invites him over for dinner, he drops all party plans and heads right back home.

he helps reader in the kitchen as she preps for dinner, all the while talking shit about the new TA. there's an amused, knowing smile on his mom's face, and he feels a twinge of suspicion but ignores it. but when he turns around after washing his hands, who does he come face to face with?

the fucking TA.

rahu does her best to school her features into a poker face as she watches her most annoying student cycle through the five stages of grief at light speed. reader laughs from the dinner table, then calls them both to eat. it takes a while before he recovers from the initial shock, and for the rest of dinner he can't look rahu in the eyes.

of course, reader talks to him about it later, on the apartment balcony. it's a lot to take in, but in the end, he just asks his mom if rahu makes her happy, and when she answers yes, with a smile on her face he hasn't seen in years, there's not much he can do but accept it, really. despite it all, he wants her to be happy—and if that annoying TA is the one who gives that to her, then so be it.

but that's my take. yours is also very fun, methinks. it's a lot more dramatic i think, and rahu would be more careful around him even when they go out for drinks and such. she'd watch her words a lot, and make sure not to mention you too much or he might realize something's up.

i think in this scenario, the news would break by accident. maybe he decides to visit reader spontaneously one evening, and he lets himself in (because he has the keys) and who does he see cuddling his mom on the couch? rahu. like you said, he flips out initially, feeling a little betrayed and a little confused because his friend ?? has something going on with his mom ?? what the fuck ???? though i think it ends the same way, with reader talking to him privately and him relenting in the end because rahu makes her happy, and that's all he wants for his mom.

in both cases though, things get a little awkward between rahu and reader's son. but they work through it, both for reader's sake, because at the end of the day they both love her.

[takami-takami]

hii I love all ur posts and writing !! (bare with me english not my native language but talking with people helps)

just wanted to ask what do u think hawks would be like when thinking abt getting married, some people think he isnt that type of person more like douchebag / playboy etc but hes a sweetheart deep down considering everything that happened to him (and "mean!hawks" too IDK hes prob just a annoying tease in bed) anyways i was thinking about it earlier and i was like wtf would he do, im sure he would do it in private but other than that idk because the commission, planning, what are ur thoughts? maybe he would be really anxious thinking about it but he knows ur the one? nobody has written about this like for real ( i THINK) if u or someone else has tell me PLEASE. i"ve been thinking about it for a while (a Lil embarrassed ngl)

just asking what u think in general what he would do bc like said havent seen anyone talk about it

at the start of the relationship, he's probably like nervous to even be in one but after like 3 months or something he probably wants to be with you forever and never let u go, it would be a bit hard for him to plan it all out because he barely has anyone to talk about it other than you unless he hired someone which no.. i think because he wants to make it special from his heart + the commission giving him any time to do anything let alone a honey moon and blah ya know?

other than that im stumped no idea

(u can ignore idm !! )

(MHA season 6 episode 3 spoilers ahead!)

People say Hawks is a playboy, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He's such a sweetheart. Self sacrificing.

I think he falls hard. It is extremely difficult for him to trust, given not only his childhood, but his time with the commission, too. With the amount of undercover dirty work they made him do, there's no doubt they taught him from very young to trust no one. The message from his parents and the commission is clear: he can only trust himself.

But... We know Keigo still feels; so, so strongly. Dabi mocks him for it, mocks him because he can't stop himself from being "distracted by his emotions". Even when he knows what he's "supposed" to do in the Twice scene, he hesitates because it fucking hurts, he still feels pangs of empathy. Despite all he was taught about shutting off your emotions, that's something he still can't do completely, even if he ultimately decides to do the opposite of what he feels.

So. It would take a very, very long time for him to truly open up to you, much less recognize his feelings as romantic (he goes through a stage of denial, because he never saw himself actually being "selfish" and allowing himself a real relationship). But once he has his mind made up, and really makes that decision to be yours, he will not give that up for anything. He follows through to the end.

I think he always wanted to get married. Not in the way his parents did; he never did have a good example. But the way people on TV did, the way they wax poetic about in songs he never understood. He is definitely the marriage, soulmates kind of guy. He craves that slow, that domesticity, to protect.

You make such a good point that he wouldn't know what to do because he has no one to talk about it with... But he knows he wants it to be special. He would fret and fuss so hard about it being perfect, trying to impress you and stressing over it so badly.

Until one day, you grab his hand and tell him, "lets get married, right here. Right now." It doesn't have to be official to be entirely authentic and in love and you. To the backdrop of the dim light of a summer evening, under the flourescent glow of the string lights adorning your back porch, you have your first dance to the tune of the creaky wood beneath your feet. You dance to the tune of a love song he finally understands.

[aerodaltonimperial]

[ wrist ] a tender kiss on the inside of the partner's wrist, if u want <3

(SORRY AO3 IS DOWN, HAVE A FICLET)

The fucker's got Darby's legs tied together—with Darby's own belt, and maybe that's the worst part of all of this, really. The problem here is that Darby has always been complicit in his own downfall; having his own belt snug around his ankles is just the physical manifestation of it.

Jack's hands on him are warm, impossibly warm. He's always impossibly warm. He's gonna be the exploding star Darby blinds himself on, the eruption that sears Darby's bones to ash. Jack's arms shake with the exertion of keeping Darby aloft over the edge of the stage, but he hasn't let go yet.

He will. Darby knows he will—after all, one of them has to win this. Because that's how these things always works, isn't it? It's a god damn pay-per-view match. One of them has to fucking win.

The cameras are behind them, but the crowd is in front of them, and all Darby can see as Jack hauls him closer are the curls of Jack's hair. They slide against Darby's cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Jack whispers. The cheers and jeers will drown it out by the time the din hits the video. They're isolated behind the curtain of his hair, hidden away. They've always been hidden away, and Darby's so damn sick of it. "One of us has to win."

Darby stopped trying to win seven minutes ago.

"Jack," he tries. Everything gets stuck. He's never been good at forcing the right words out, and he's even worse here and now, with blood sticky on his face and his limbs bound. Jack's arms are trembling, but he doesn't let go. That's the thing about Jack, these days: he just won't let go, even when he should. Even when keeping his fingers tight is gonna drown them both.

This will destroy them both, because it already is. Because Darby already can't find the line anymore, can't tell if they've gone way too far. He's so damn caught up in this that he can't tell which way the sky hovers, and that's how he knows that Jack Perry is going to be the death of him, either tonight or later on.

Jack lifts Darby's taped hands. The left one is higher than the right, off-kilter, and Jack manages to find the skin left bare in the gap. He always manages to find the vulnerability. He presses his lips against Darby's skin, where Darby's blood pulses.

Fuck.

"I love you," Jack whispers, against the shell of Darby's ear. He's put all his cards on the table, and he's got a winning hand. His grip is shifting, changing; his muscles are coiling as they prepare to hoist Darby over the edge and onto the tables below.

Darby's never lost a coffin match, never even worried about coming close to losing one. He's gonna lose this one, though, and he's never been so sure of anything before.

As Jack pitches him sideways, into the air, and Darby braces for impact without any of his limbs to help break his fall, he just thinks how fitting it is that the one person he'll end up losing to is Jack. In truth, there was never any other way this match could have ended.

Jack will put him in the coffin and slam the lid, and later, he'll slink to Darby's room and mouth apologies into Darby's mottled flesh, and Darby will hear the echo of that final admission in his ears for weeks.

[gepardling]

ok FLUFF REQUEST TIME!! Gepard in a relationship with an actor(ess)!reader. I can imagine him trying his best to see every play and if he doesn't, he'll at least send flowers and whatnot. In regards to the reader, I believe they would understand and knows that he can't go to every single one of their plays. In short, I wanna see cute fluffy relationship scenarios or headcanons with these two on and off of work. Maybe a lil bonus if the two live together :3

on the stage, behind the stage w/ gepard.

desc. : unironically i think u can tell i read oshi no ko b4 writing dis, n im so happy i did bc i feel it gave me a new perspective on dis topic !! i didnt go angsty on it tho bc we need fluff in dis household. i wrote headcanons nd a short lil bonus fic 4 u dis time :) ( wc : 1k )

tags / cw : sfw, just fluff, gn!reader, reader is part of an acting troupe, just casual relationship things, not proofread

○ Gepard makes it his top priority to see most, if not all, of your shows. There have been many nights where he’s had to cut it close with his frontline duties, showing up just in time to witness the closing act. He always makes sure to bring flowers, your favorite kind, of course, and it’s always a HUGE bunch of them. Bonus points if he grew them himself!

○ There were times when you'd perform consecutive nights in a row, and your house would soon run out of space to keep all the bouquets Gepard delivered. But don’t worry, you would talk to him about it if you move in together. There really is no need for him to spend this much money on you! Yet he always insists, and one way or another, your house will be filled with flowers again.

○ Every one of his soldiers would know if you ever did a musical play because Gepard will not stop humming your solo after he heard it the first time. He also diligently memorizes the lines of your duets after you accidentally sang one together while cooking, and now he can't get enough of singing with you. You both get good practice too! It's a win-win.

○ Naturally, your acting career can be demanding. This makes both you and Gepard busy people who are rarely at home. It only makes those moments you get to spend some private time together all the more special, seeking solace in each other’s embrace as you momentarily escape your responsibilities.

○ Gepard understands how overwhelming your work can be, constantly dealing with other people, their opinions, and expectations of you. That being said, he doesn’t "abuse" his position as captain, per se. He may be a little biased when he’s quick to shut down any negative commentary people make about you, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

○ You don’t appreciate it when he hides those opinionated thoughts from you, but he's undeniably looking out for your mental health. Arguably, it’s slightly better this way too, and if you ever feel down or doubt yourself, he provides you with unwavering love and dedication.

○ He ensures you know that he’s not in love with you because of your talents or performance, but because he loves you for who you are. He greatly admires the passion you have and all the hours of hard work you put into acting, one of the many things that draw him to you.

○ Of course, life isn’t always perfect, and there are times when your schedules don’t align. If he has to leave for the frontlines before one of your concerts, he leaves you a letter of encouragement and a big bouquet on your dresser. He tries to see you before he has to leave as often as he can, but if you’re in dress rehearsals or learning a new script, there isn’t much he can do :((

○ On those rare occasions when he misses your performance before coming back home, there will always be a plate of warm food waiting for you, along with flowers or gifts that he personally gives you when you arrive or he picks you up from the theater, whichever comes first. He’s right by your side, listening intently as you recount the performance to him while you remove any remaining stage makeup.

○ This next one is purely food for thought, but if the acting troupe you’re with is relatively small and self-sufficient, Gepard would do his best to take up sewing to help you prepare or fix any costumes for performances. Sure, he breaks a ton of needles, and he’s probably not the best at it, but it’s cute that he tries so hard to lighten your workload while he’s just as busy himself...

You couldn’t help but nervously peak beyond the curtains, possibly the fifth time that night. The lights that shone on the stage glared so bright that everything beyond it seemed to melt into a sea of darkness, the faces of the audience obscured by the void. The final act of the show was about to come to a close, possibly the pinnacle of your acting career, but Gepard was still nowhere to be seen. 

Tonight was the last performance of this play, and Gepard, despite promising to be there for the first show, was still missing. A stagehand tapping on your shoulder brought your mind back from the shadows, and you realized you had been biting your nails unconsciously. With only two more minutes before stepping on stage, you needed to clear your mind for a good performance.

You pushed aside negative thoughts and swallowed your doubts, preparing yourself to step onto the stage. The scene required you to portray relief and joy as the protagonist reunites with their estranged lover after a challenging journey. However, an emptiness lingered in your heart, making it harder to wear the mask.

As the curtains rose, you squinted slightly against the blinding lights. The deafening roar of the audience rang painfully in your ears. Yet, as a professional, you knew you had to play the part. With one last gulp, you forced yourself into character, banishing any wavering nerves from your voice.

Just moments before the climax of the scene, a distant shuffling in the back of the theater caught your attention. Through the haze of darkness, you could vaguely make out the figure of a person who had just arrived. Your heart surged with relief when you realized it was none other than Gepard. His disheveled hair and slightly worn uniform were evidence of his haste.

When his eyes met yours, the light returned to your gaze, and your heart soared. If not for the arrival of your fellow actor on set, you might have forgotten your lines. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, and your genuine excitement upon seeing Gepard seamlessly merged with your character's emotions. You delivered a flawless performance, wrapping up the night with an encore.

You couldn't wait to find Gepard backstage, and you rushed to the lobby, barely out of your costume. The force and speed of your hug nearly threw him off balance, and he had to hold the bouquet at a distance to protect it. You scolded him for making you worry, and he simply nodded apologetically, soothingly rubbing your back. When you finally pulled away, he handed you the bouquet and planted a sweet kiss on your lips.

"I told you I'd be here," he whispered, intertwining his free hand with yours. Gepard always followed through on his promises, no matter what. 

unfortunately the title is the name of a genshin quest (lol !!) never quite felt a piece come 2 me as easy as dis 1. absolutely in love w/ the request !! the dark part of my mind kept screaming "what if geppie doesn't arrive" but of course he would !!! he wouldn't miss it 4 the world...

[mrs-monaghan]

Hi just dropping by to say that jk is the gayest gay to have ever gayed and people who think he's straight are delulu thx bye

Gay JK. Let's talk about gay Jungkook during SEVEN. 😂 Josè Ochoa on YT is the one who pointed this out when he reacted to the MV but did u see JK twerking? On the official MV? 🤭

No, but listen. Wbk that this man looooooves to twerk. I mean....

He's done it in another official MV before...

I love this one sm but I really wish Jimin had noticed 🤭

Straight Jungkook shamelessly twerking for his man. I wonder if he's done the same for Jimin in them Calvins 🤔

Moving on... this is definitely a favourite of mine. Mans proper vibrates on fucking stage like what!?!?! 👁👃🏽👁 That's hetero JK for ya 🤭

How many straight men do you know who twerk this much? C'mon now. 🤭🤭 And he's good at it too! 🔥

Anygays, that's exhibit one. He he hee... Okay for what I'm about to say next, I'd like to remind people of this post I made. I know it sounds like I'm joking but birch, I'm damn serious. 😒

Disclaimer: The following is just what I noticed. You don't have to see what I see. Please form your own conclusions.

Also warning: my friends hated me for showing them this but I had way too much fun with it and now u get to suffer too 🤭🤭🤭 sorry not sorry 😂

So here we go. More proof of gay JK. Our lovely Kookie did awesome on that performance video and I have been enjoying watching and rewatching. So this is something I picked up on. 😂🤭 Once again I'm so sorry 🙈

When watching for the umpteenth time i noticed JK checking out Mr. Beard thrice here. When I tell you I was shooketh 😳 I can't see hot beard's ass very well but JK sure can 😂😂

When I showed this to my friends, one of them told me about black guy here. JK checks him out too when he sings every hour. So she was like; its part of the choreo Shaz stop it! And I was like okay. 🙌🏽

But as i continued to watch the video, guess what happened? Mr. Beard is now on JK's other side when it happens again!! Here he checks out hot beard guy when he sings Tuesday and then does again at the end when he sings seven days a week.

Now hear me out 🙌🏽 I'm not insinuating anything. Y'all now I'm deep in this Jikook shit. I'm just saying JK was checking out hot beard dancer. Which is no bd of course he's just looking. People joke around and call JK Jiminsexual because while we have seen Jimin thirst over other people here and there, we have never seen JK do this. Ever. Even other members like RM, Suga, Jhope and V have all been caught in 4k. But all these years and JK we have nothing. The only person we see JK checking out is Jimin. So forgive me if I was fascinated. 😂😂 Especially coz it kept fucking happening. I mean look at this!! When he runs back his eyes are on beard dancer's ass as he sings night after night 🤭🤭 Lastly, there is a part where JK shakes his dancers hands. Now watch him shake the other dancer's hand first, (i think its Brian) then watch him shake beard's hand and then smile back at him.

Why was it only Mr. Beard that got a smile? 😡 I don't think i like Mr. Beard and I hope he gets fired 😂😂😂🤣 Guys, I just thought this was really funny is all. And fascinating if I'm being honest because this isn't the norm for JK. Or maybe I'm just a nut job that need to go to bed.. who knows? 😆

Oh wait, hold up.

I just realised something. If Jimin watches this and sees what I see then JK will definitely be in trouble. Now, they've been at this xes thing for 9 years so JK should be a pro by now, right? So maybe the times when he's limping is because he gets punished for misbehaving and so Jimin goes a bit harder than usual which prevents JK from walking properly?

Or sitting down. 😳

I cracked the case y'all. 😂😂

Anyway anon.. what a long winded way to agree with you. Yes. JK is super gay! Like, super, duper gay. 💯

[nampeung]

U-KISS is back

I am obsessed with them and I feel like an island with the only Kiss Me left at times, but I will hype these men forever! If you don't know U-KISS yet, they're a 2nd gen K-Pop boygroup and If you want to stay around, I will tell you some stuff about them. If someone is genuinely interested in getting to know them, I can tell you pretty much ALL the tea, ups and downs and link you some of their stuff.

But let me get into this music video first! Their title track this time is called 'Stay with me'!

It's a slower track than I imagined, but I really love that we're going slower this time. The music video looks very simple, since it's only shot in one place, but I love every aspect of it! We have three different light settings, amazing costumes, a dance to die for and for most of the video I get to see and admire their beautiful faces and dance, without any shaky camera!! ALL THUMBS UP! WELL DONE!

I imagine that they saved a bit of money on the music video this time, since tango music is not exactly big and I'm not sure how well The Great Escape did last year. But they gave us TWO music videos this time and showed us that they're amazing idols who can keep us seated with just them and dancing. The amazing things can be better shown in gifs or by watching the actual video, so I recommend just paying attention to the dance. They put so much effort into the choreography, especially the part in the beginning, the timing is amazing. What I love most are the differen lights. We go from this:

To this:

It's such a ltitle change, but they show us their faces and at the same time have a bit of darker, cool, mysterious light. The next setting is when Kiseop goes from this:

To this blue setting of light:

And I love that they used Kiseop for this set of light first, because you can see them best with the contrast and light, but at the same time, you see how absolutely STUNNING Kiseop is.

I also love the costumes. I know they look simple and maybe a bit too loose, but I know that half of them like it that way. A word of appreciation: Hoon and Eli have enjoyed their private life a lot, but for this comeback they've been hitting the gym hardcore! Eli looks so good with the black hair and the outfit. I didn't like Hoon's hair at first, but styled like this and with his fierce singing I am thankful that the stylist knows better than me (I still miss his longer hair, though :') ) Xander is gorgeous as ALWAYS. I just love him, guys. I can't help it. Kiseop couldn't look bad if he tried to. And Soohyun... I love him. He has this princely look about him. I love his hair color and the cut, I love the outfit and how it fits. I love his thighs. To be honest, he lost a bit of weight? His thighs always were bigger and while we know he sometimes felt bad about it, I absolutely loved it. His pants jus sat best and he had an ass in any jeans. I loved (and still do love) that about him. Our handsome leader. <3

If you're knew to U-KISS: Hi! This is for you! In the pic above, from left to right we're seeing: Eli, Kiseop, Soohyun, Hoon and Alexander. Here I've listed the current members for you with some random information thrown in!

Soohyun (1989) - our beloved leader and main vocal Leader has always been there and sworn to always be there. His back has carried U-KISS to where it is now, all on his own. I won't go into too much detail, but this guy went and mended a broken group so that WE FANS would have a wonderful 15th anniversary. Now they're back to 5 members and I will forever adore, love and support Soohyun. His voice is perfection, no matter if live or on record, even when he's sick. During one of the concerts I attended, he kept disappearing from stage and soon later asked fans if it was okay if he sang sitting down because he didn't feel too well. I nearly dragged him of the stage myself, but he insisted on staying on stage and singnig for us. Because how can we have a concert without one of the main vocals ;_; He deserves all our love so much. Please love on him. <3 (I have TONS of other stories, write 1 in the comments to hear more XD)

Hoon (1991) - main vocalist Hoon was added later to the group (it was DRAMA back then, believe me) but I REGRET NOTHING BECAUSE I LOVE THIS MAN, OK? He has been my fave since then, he has the softest voice and it works so well with Soohyun. He works so hard and LOOK AT HIS LEGS. an always shows love to Kiss Me. I'm 100% sure Soohyun raised him to be like that because he talks like Soohyun, treasures us like Soohyun and is just in general kind of the "mom" of the group. When Soohyun went to the military, he was the substitute and kept the group together, I'm very sure. <3 He is married and just had his first baby, so I really appreciate that they are doing a comeback in this time!!

Kiseop (1991) - Ullzang, dancer and songwriter Our beauty of the group was added as just that: beauty of the group. But I remember he had this heartbreaking story where he just wanted to get a chance to be an idol because he wanted to be one, so they added a 7th member, after U-KISS had already debuted as a 6-member-group. ANYWAY... U-KISS is nothing without Kiseop. He wrote FLY, one of my all time favorite songs by U-KISS. He is my Kishibi and cutie. Hug him. (He is also married to a beautiful lady! <3)

Eli (1991) - rapper Once upon a time we called him pigeon, because he could do the impression of one. He is the funny guy, the rapper, he can speak English and Chinese and knows how to act. He was married and has a son! Our boy once left U-KISS and went back to America, but when Soohyun asked them to come back for the 15th anniversary, he showed up and I love that he stayed after that. I simply love him so much, he adds so much sound to the group. I missed him. I'm also so proud of everything he does.

Alexander (1988) - I don't even know, he's everything 🥺 Xander is MY MAN and he might say 100 times that he's too old for all of this, I think he's AMAZING and I NEED HIM in U-KISS! He was one of the main members who suddenly were kicked out of the group by the agency to be exchanged for 2 new members. (told you, there's a lot of tea in this group...) Well, Xander is a man of god and has the BIGGEST heart ever. He did some acting after that, had a solo song. He did many projects and he works a lot for arirang, since he is fluent in Korean and English. When I say he has the biggest heart, I mean it, because he showed up when Soohyun called and he is here now with us, blessing us with his existence. You have to imagine, he didn't do much idol work since 2011 (!!!) and he simply came back for us Kiss Me. When I tell you I cried happy tears when he was revealed for the 15th anniv comeback, I mean it literally. If I had a bit more budget, I would have flown over there for the anniversary concert. I still haven't seen him perform live T_T Anyways, he is amazing.

[stxrvel]

the 5 stages of (my) life

summary: he was everything. there was no before or after him. it was just him.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: i think 7k?

warnings: thoughts of loneliness, depersonalisation, mention of depressive symptoms, a lot of bad words at some point, implicit descriptions of sex. i wrote this to be pure angst, idk if i got it, we'll see, you'll tell me.

note: i was watching Grey's Anatomy today and a specific episode about a couple inspired me to write this. it's too inspired by that so thank you Grey's! i don't know if i got the angst i wanted, i hope i did. i actually wrote this just with suffering on my mind. anyway, hope yall like it!! (English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes!) also, I uploaded this at half past one in the morning so I didn't have time to edit the quotation marks, but tomorrow night I'll make the text look much nicer!

thank u for reading!

You never thought things would go this far.

"I'm not going to stand here and watch you risk your life because you're incapable of expressing your feelings. I'm not worth being put through this."

"You're talking about my fucking life! Why do you want to take control of all the shit I do now? Fuck you."

"I can't believe how fucking insane you've become."

You never thought things would get worse like this.

"I gave up a lot of things for you and you know it!"

"You make it sound like I forced you to. I never asked you to give up your life for me!"

"Exactly, that's the damn problem! You've never asked me to do anything, you've never asked me to do anything, I've just done all this stuff on my own trying to cope with a relationship that's become… one-sided!"

You had heard for a long time how a great many people had said that their best relationships had started with a flame. You couldn't count on the fingers of your hands the number of times you've heard someone say that the best relationship is the one that is always alive, where they keep the flame burning.

But what if it's not a flame? What if it all started with a fire?

You'd heard a lot of things about love, about life, about attachment, but you'd never really experienced it, and you couldn't know how, with the lifestyle you led, your reactions would be when you finally had one. Although, honestly, you didn't expect to ever have one after so many disappointments and abandonments; however, there was one thing that was common about love, that you had heard everyone say: it comes when you least expect it.

But the moment came and, after that event, you considered that your life had only five stages. Only five truly remarkable things that had brought you to the eternal extreme of misery. There was nothing before, there was nothing after. There was only him.

1

You had seen that man, by far, about seven times in the last month. He had a stern look on his face, as if he was in a constant staring match with someone inside his head, or as if he was someone completely drained of emotion, who had lived and felt too much and was tired of it.

Or maybe he was just unfriendly.

Every time you went to therapy, within the last four weeks, you met that man.

The two of you always waited, sitting across from each other in the narrow hallway, trying fiercely to avoid each other's gazes. Or well, you tried not to meet his too much, sometimes it really felt too heavy. Then he would be called first and, more often than not, he would come striding out with his hands clasped. If his vibe was too strong for the session, your therapist never tried to point it out. When he left, the doctor would appear behind him with her typical half-smile calling you by your last name, even though you had asked her not to do so several times.

The other times, which were not so common, the man actually took the time to look serene. You even thought you saw him give you a nod in greeting once, but you couldn't be completely sure of that.

You had never spoken to each other, you were just two strangers who happened to be in the same place at the same time of day at certain times of the week. Still, sometimes, when his eyes met yours, you felt like you were looking into a mirror.

Anyway, you had never spoken to each other, until one day you decided to change that, just because what was the worst that could happen?

"After a while it feels like you have no reason to come, don't you think?"

The man turned his head, and it was the first time he saw you out of volition. His clear eyes moved in an almost imperceptible way, analysing something about you, your face, your clothes, your posture. He looked like a predator ready to strike, but he didn't count on you being a very, very chill gazelle.

"I don't know if you can relate, but it's been really hard for me to come these last few times. I think my only motivation is to come here to have a battle with you of who can go the longest without seeing the other for 30 minutes even though our feet are almost touching?"

You thought you heard a snort in response. Mmm, it wasn't much, but worse was nothing.

"You could just not come," he replied, more crudely than you expected, actually surprising you because you didn't expect him to even pay attention to you.

"Yes, I could," you agreed with him, your gaze drifting to the white tiles, "Anyway, I don't have someone who really cares that I'm okay."

You twisted your lips in a very conformist gesture, and dismissed your attempt at conversation as a failure. Indeed, what was the worst that could happen? That the man would think you were pitiful. But what does it matter? He is a stranger. He's the only person you see regularly besides your therapist. Why should you care that the conversation didn't work? You shouldn't expect the opposite. At some point he'll stop going, he can't be as bad as you. When you least expect it, it will just be you in that narrow hallway again.

"Therapy can be very counterproductive for people who are alone."

You looked up when the man spoke again. You didn't know if you were seeing wrong, but his gaze wasn't as hard as before. He seemed… sympathetic.

"If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone when we wait in this hallway."

You didn't answer him. You watched him as if he were a fly swatted on a wall. You didn't know what to say. What was that supposed to be? Words of support? From a stranger? And what was supposed to be a response to them? That man had flipped the table on you, catching you off guard, and that didn't make you feel very good.

You watched him even after a while in silence, when he had already looked away, his head was down and he had focused on other things. You didn't know what your scrutiny was about; you didn't know whether you were looking for a lie or a mockery, a truth or a ruse. You didn't even know what it was all about. But what does it matter anyway? He's a stranger. He's a stranger sharing that narrow corridor with you. A stranger. A stranger who gave you a few words of support. A stranger. It's a stranger. He is a person.

You shook your head, suddenly regaining your composure. You ran your hands over the fabric of your trousers several times, up and down, down and up. Constantly. About ten times.

You didn't know if it was just you, but you felt suddenly obfuscated in that corridor. As if the walls had invisible hands closing around your throat.

You didn't really know much. You only knew that after the doctor called the man, James, you would never again take the liberty of speaking to strangers as if they were acquaintances, especially those in therapy.

But your mind went blank when James stood up and, before he left, looked at you as if it was something he had planned to do. As if he really wanted to do it. As if he had intended to…

No.

No more.

2

It didn't work.

Of course, it goes without saying that it didn't work.

How could it work? You saw him at least twice a week. And you were weak. Too weak. Too weak. Extremely and potentially vulnerable to suddenly hitting people who gave you a little affection and understanding. You were vulnerable to hitting people. You were vulnerable to ending up in therapy. You were vulnerable.

So what didn't work? Trying to limit your conversations with James to looks. Over the next three weeks, he seemed to have made it his mission to try to keep you company. Did he have any idea how uncomfortable that was for you? But you weren't going to tell him, how could you? Apparently the man wasn't a grumpy, mean looks machine, he was definitely a person who was getting some therapy. He was a person who understood your situation because he had to go through it himself. He was a person. He was a stranger.

Mostly, at that moment, you remembered the conversation that had led you to be in that coffee shop. It was strange. You felt alien to yourself, to your surroundings, but you tried to keep your mind enlightened so you wouldn't freak out.

"You look different."

"We saw each other three days ago."

James twisted his lips. "That's no excuse for not noticing that you look different."

You took a deep breath.

"You really made it your business to talk about something every time we see each other. Did you get tired of me beating you in the staring duels?"

"I'm just trying to get you back in therapy."

"By harassing me with questions?"

"By turning me into a person who cares."

You frowned. The constant knot in your chest was starting to become more and more unbearable. You felt the food from that morning in your throat.

"You'll get the opposite."

James pursed his lips and held up his hands.

"Hey, are you doing anything on Saturday?"

That had been the first time. Yes. Completely out of the loop, somehow you'd agreed the first time. And maybe it wasn't as bad as you'd hoped. Or maybe it was. You had no idea. Just as you had no idea how you had ended up in the same situation for the fifth time.

Fifth time? My goodness.

"You're particularly quiet today," James' face suddenly materialised in front of you.

At what fucking point had he arrived?

"I'm always quiet."

"Not as quiet as today. Are you okay?"

"What are we doing?" you blurted out suddenly. You didn't even process the words in your head until you saw the man's face contort in confusion.

"What are we doing?" James repeated your question, "We're having coffee in a coffee shop."

"You're a top notch clown, you know that?"

The man let out a laugh, and you watched his shoulders move in time with his breaths.

"We're just sharing time. Don't freak out."

"Sharing time?"

"Yes, sharing time."

"I don't think I've shared time with someone in a long time."

"That's not bad. It's good to share time with yourself."

You twisted your lips. You stared at the bubbles in your coffee, still steaming on the table.

"I had to learn to share time with myself," you looked up to see him with his head cocked to one side, a gesture you had learned to associate with his absolute attention to your words. "You've shared time with yourself?"

James nodded.

"All the time, to tell you the truth. I can barely escape myself."

You smiled at him. The constant knot in his chest seemed to have subsided for now.

"I guess we both got to learn."

The man raised his glass of black coffee, tilting his head, "It's the hazards of the job."

Yes, that was definitely what it had to be about. The things that constantly occupied you outside of coffee shops and therapy. Of the things that occupied your head so that you didn't delve into your intrusive thoughts, even though sometimes they seemed to come alive and present themselves in the faces of the people you saw in your daily life.

Undoubtedly it must have been because of that night job. It wasn't a job you loved, it was a job you imposed on yourself to try to make yourself feel better at night when you were trying to sleep. It was a duty. It was a task you couldn't refuse. Too many people had already died for you to give up. You had nothing left.

Many people said it was the job of a vigilante; other people said it was the job of a criminal. In the end, what did it really matter as long as it left you with a clear conscience?

Your therapist knew, but you didn't know if James knew. If he was aware of it and preferred to overlook it to have coffee with you. Or if he knew and preferred to ignore it so as not to ruin things. Or if he knew and pretended he didn't so you wouldn't notice he was doing it all out of pity. Or if he didn't know.

Honestly, you didn't know which was worse.

Sometimes you thought things were better when you were just strangers in a narrow hallway. Sometimes you thought it would be better if you didn't have to make an emotional commitment to him, even though you knew you were already doing it; unconsciously you were doing it.

You had always believed that it was better to be alone. Not to have company. Not to share time with someone you could potentially lose. It was easier to get the job done when you got home and didn't have to answer a text or remember that there's someone waiting for you to text them that you got home safe and sound.

"Hey, don't overthink it."

James' voice broke your concentration. You focused your gaze on his face, suddenly feeling oblivious to the whole scenario.

"You don't have to give it a name, or even think about it. If you really, from the bottom of you, didn't want any kind of company, don't you think you wouldn't have come the first time I asked you?"

"Are you saying this is what I want?"

"I'm saying that you're a person who's used to being alone, but you don't have to be if you don't want to be."

"You're an enigma."

James smiled. "Thank you. I think the same about you."

But it was true what he'd said, you were thinking too much. One of the things your therapist kept telling you was to try to stop living in your head. Acknowledge your surroundings, feel every sensation and take in every possible smell.

It was difficult when the reason you wanted to be in your head all the time was the same reason that all your senses were perceiving at the same time.

But you tried. You felt the wood of the table and the warmth of the coffee cup, you took in the smell of caffeine and James's perfume, a little piney and citrusy, you savoured the coffee left in your mouth from the last time you took a sip. Slowly you tried to bring yourself back to that moment, to focus on your present and, sadly, to acknowledge that you were in a coffee shop with James Barnes.

It was something you constantly shied away from. To acknowledge that you spent time with him. With him. That he deliberately chose to spend his time with you. That you, intentionally, decided to spend your time with him. With the one who started out as a stranger. A person. A friend. A…

No.

3

It had been a while since you had decided to stop closing yourself off to all the possibilities life had to offer. Sometimes you didn't recognise how you got to that point, but other times you felt something close to pride for allowing yourself to go that far. And, really, it could have been one of the best or one of the worst decisions you had ever made in your life.

You spent weeks trying to deny James coming into your life, but the moment you opened the door to him, you had only gone up.

You didn't know you missed the company of a friend on sleepless nights and confessions. You didn't know you longed for the warmth of a lover until hours passed and you couldn't tear yourself away from each other. You didn't know you wasted time denying the feeling. You didn't know that you needed to take a few days off from the exhausting work you had set for yourself. You didn't even know that the work was exhausting.

When you were able to recognise all those things, you were also able to recognise that you had been living life on the edge. You were constantly exposed to everything before you met James. Exposed to danger, to death, to loneliness. You were living too fast because you felt you had no time, that at any moment you would run out of time and you wouldn't have done enough.

And then you finally decided to give yourself a break. From everything. Absolutely everything. Everything.

You moved in with James.

Yeah, definitely.

You took turns shopping. You took turns doing the dirty dishes. You took turns cleaning the flat. It felt like perfect harmony; like suddenly everything was in its place and it seemed like nothing could go wrong from that point on.

"Wait, wait!" you exclaimed with laughter. You moved your body off the bed, the peach-coloured sheet covering your body. You tried to stretch to reach for your mobile phone on the nightstand but James' hands around your waist prevented you from moving too much.

"You can answer that when we're done," the man purred, his hands straining, but not too hard, to pull you back onto the bed.

"Hold on a moment, James Barnes," you mumbled back, when you finally reached for the mobile phone and let out a triumphant laugh.

Vanessa Lennox, you read on the screen, as you felt James cling to your back.

"It's Vanessa," you told him as you unlocked the phone to check her messages.

"Vanessa texts you all the time."

"I know."

"All the time."

"That I know."

"These nights are supposed to be for us. She's not asking you out, is she?"

"No, no, she's…"

I'm in trouble. Can you come over?

"She's all right."

I can't, but I'll write to Tommy. He told me he was watching today, he must be near where you are.

"Are you sure?" you felt James' breath on the back of your neck, as his lips began to touch the most sensitive parts of your back.

"Yes…" you replied in a whisper. "She's going to be fine."

"Then stop turning your back on me," James spoke, his breath colliding against the small of your back. You arched unconsciously. "Look at me."

You inhaled air sharply, leaving the mobile phone locked to the side of the bed. You let James's hands guide your movements until you were trapped in his arms, his chest pressed against your back.

"You're bossy sometimes, has anyone ever told you that?"

"Only you, to be honest."

"Yeah, sure you have," you smiled incredulously.

You stirred until you could stand face to face with the man you shared a bed with every night. His light eyes quickly met yours, and his hands squeezed each side of your waist.

It was getting a little chilly. There were nights when you didn't know how you could stand to be so long without clothes under those sheets. It was easier for James, the weather didn't affect him as much as it did you at the moment. You shivered as a chill ran through your whole body, from the tips of your toes to the crown of your head. You pulled your body close to his, settling your head where his neck and shoulder met.

"Maybe the window is open," you heard him say.

"You know I always close the windows all over the flat before I go to bed."

"Okay, then we'd better figure out a way to get you warm."

As he finished speaking, the man moved, lowering himself from his position until his head was at the same level as yours. His eyes smiled at you as your teeth unconsciously flickered from the cold your body felt. His mouth also stretched into a smile, one of the many smiles you had learned to love. It was a very homely smile. The kind of smile that only you could see, that only you could see, that only you could see. It was a very domestic smile. It was the smile.

"Do you want me to get the other sheet?"

"No," you answered quickly. "I'm fine. We can proceed."

James let out a laugh. His eyes grew small from the flex of his cheeks as he laughed. You saw every flex and line of his face and it was like a balm to your mind.

It wasn't long before the man, in the midst of his smile and that feeling of ecstasy, brought his face close to yours and kissed you as if he hadn't kissed you in years.

Kissing James was like touching heaven. It was like being at peace after years of constant war. It was a great, vast, calm ocean. It was the absolute silence of tranquillity. It was like a great rest after years and years of travel. With his kisses you could begin to believe that you would never be alone again. With his kisses you didn't feel alone. With his kisses you believed it was possible to never be alone again. With his kisses you lost the fear of accepting him unconditionally in your life.

With his kisses, you lost the fear of loving him.

You loved the way he cradled the side of your face when he kissed you, every time, without fail. You loved the way he would start slow, soft, so tender, then fill you with passion and control your mouth without weariness or fatigue. You loved the way he then moved his hands all over your waist to the curve of your buttocks, as if he was admiring every millimetre of your skin through his touch. You loved the way he made love to you afterwards, sometimes so subtle and sometimes so out of control.

To have James was to have the best of everything at the same time.

"Are you getting up early tomorrow?" James asked as he pulled away from you. When you saw his eyes, his pupils were dilated and his breathing resembled yours: quickened and eager.

"No."

"Good."

He kissed you hard.

"Because you're not leaving this bed until Sunday."

4

James had begun to accept occasional missions that Fury gave him. You never agreed. No matter when or where they asked you, you would never have agreed to it. But clearly you couldn't just keep him in the flat until the idea was out of his head. You had thought about it a few times, but… no.

You tried to adjust to the fact that he wouldn't be around as much as before, but it was very difficult. It felt as if you had been given the most delicious candy in the whole world, left to treasure it, to savour it a little at a time, to get used to having it next to you, only to have it ripped away from you without warning, totally unprepared, leaving you to realise that everything was really out of your control. You didn't have the candy in your domain, you had been allowed to have the candy and then it was taken away from you.

"Try to concentrate," you heard Vanessa's voice.

You looked up to find her watching you from the roof of the building across the street. You felt a strong desire to rip the communicator from your ear and stomp it to dust with your boot. It was strange. It was a feeling of constant anger that you didn't know how to control. You were constantly angry except when James came to the flat.

"I'm focused."

"You better be," Tommy spoke up, "because my life depends on it."

"You shut your mouth and focus on not losing sight of the target."

"Vanessa, remind me why I agreed to do this."

"Because you're a great friend who supports absolutely everything we do."

Friend. At what point did you start to consider someone a friend? James was your friend. You thought you considered him that. Your partner. Your friend. James was your boyfriend.

"And you're totally unconditional to us."

A friend is unconditional. James is your friend. He's your partner. Friend. James is unconditional to you?

"I have to start working on my boundaries."

"No, our friend needs to start working on her temper. She doesn't get the required amount of sex a day and she's already starting to freak out."

You frowned.

"So you consider your friend's problems to boil down to sex alone?" you snapped at Vanessa, not avoiding the sour tone with which your words came out. You couldn't help but take it personally. Was that being an unconditional friend? Or being a friend?

"No," she replied quickly, "You know I didn't mean it that way. I was joking."

You hummed a nod, downplaying the words. Playing it all down. Because it didn't really matter, it was so silly to get angry about it. And it was very strange for you to get angry about it. You didn't even used to have relationships close enough to allow yourself to get angry about something they said about you. That was the big example of why you didn't do it.

"The target is moving. He's heading for the nest," Tommy spoke again, his serene tone bringing you back to the topic that was truly important. "Do you see him, Vanessa?"

"Got it."

"Good. Just move into the room towards… Wow, who's that? Who the hell's in there?"

"Damn," Vanessa mumbled.

"Wait a minute."

"We can't wait that long."

"I know," Tommy exclaimed, and from his exasperated tone you could imagine how he was running his hands through his hair repeatedly.

"What the hell do we do, Thomas?"

"I told you to wait!"

"We can't wait, dammit!"

"Wait."

"Thomas, I'm going to-"

"Hold on."

You peered through your binoculars. The large panes of glass surrounding the flat where the target was located didn't let you see much inside. The room the man was in was not as well lit, but you had gone in well prepared.

Finally you could see what the others were seeing. The man had entered the room he was supposed to enter, but there was another man in there with him. And, as far as you could see, they had made themselves comfortable. It didn't look like the other man was going to leave any time soon.

"Let's do it," you spoke, breaking the silence, giving voice to the only option they had that neither of the other two wanted to say.

"Are you insane?" Tommy exclaimed through his teeth.

"We don't have a choice. We declare it a red zone and end the mission."

"We don't even know who that man is," Vanessa interjected, her voice unsteady as she was unable to acknowledge that you were right, hesitating because you were running out of time.

"That's what the red zone is all about."

There was a moment of silence. You knew they were both considering it, the idea had been in their heads since the man entered the room, but their moral compass was much stronger than yours.

"He could be an innocent person," Tommy tried to justify not making that decision.

"How innocent can he be sitting there with the target?"

"And how do we know he's guilty?" Tommy exclaimed back.

"We're wasting more time discussing this," Vanessa spoke again, and you could breathe in her deep inhale before she said, "I think we should do it, Tommy."

The man cursed through his teeth.

You looked through the binoculars again, and both men were still inside the room.

You heard a beep on the communicator and then a steady static. Someone had changed the channel.

"I'm relieving myself as mission leader. You're in charge," it was Tommy.

"What?"

"I can't do this."

"Thomas…"

"I can't make this decision. Just… just do it."

You heard the beeping again and then it was Vanessa saying, "Thomas, what the hell are we going to do?"

"Vanessa, aim for the target," you ordered as you began to open the case next to you, just in case a situation like that arose.

"What?"

"This mission has been declared a red zone. We're going to proceed according to protocol."

The woman didn't speak again.

Nor did she say anything when you had climbed down from the rooftops and found yourselves in an alleyway in the middle of the buildings. You were waiting for Thomas, your guns already stowed in the van.

"He relieved himself," Vanessa spoke after a while, and though it sounded like she wanted to ask a question, it sounded like a statement.

"Yes."

Vanessa shook her head in an affirmative gesture. She didn't say anything else. She leaned against the concrete wall with a blank stare.

Your mobile phone rang inside the van.

"Is that Thomas?" your companion asked.

You moved closer to look at the device's screen.

James.

"No."

You took the mobile phone and moved away from the woman's figure, further down the alley. Your heart was racing, it was out of control. You had been waiting for that call for days. You had spent sleepless nights waiting for one measly message. You had taken hundreds of missions just so you wouldn't have to endure sleeping in a bed alone. You felt like your body had been frozen until that moment, until that call, and finally….

"James? Are you here yet?"

A woman called your name on the other end of the line.

"Bucky arrived a couple of hours ago."

Your feet stopped walking.

"And the mission went well?"

Silence.

A beeping and constant muttering was all that answered you on the line.

"Is James okay?"

"He's stable. He suffered some injuries. We lost communication with him in the last few days and we thought that…"

You couldn't quite remember when you had arrived at the old Avengers Complex. Your body moved automatically and your vision was so blurred that you had no idea how you could get through the crowd without bumping into someone. It was all very strange. You spent months convincing yourself that it would never happen again. Ever since James accepted those damn missions, you spent weeks trying to convince yourself that nothing would ever go wrong. That his kisses would always be there. His reunion kisses were the best, they were a wellspring of calm that washed away all the anxiety that consumed you alive during the days when you couldn't hear from him.

You had already made up your mind that it would never happen again. He promised you that it wouldn't happen, that you wouldn't have to relive that heartbreaking feeling one more time.

And he broke it.

You wanted to be relieved to see him. You wanted to be happy to know he was alive. Bruised, but alive. You wanted to hold him, to stay with him and never let him go again. But you just stood there in front of his stretcher. And he didn't try to make you come closer either. He saw it in your eyes, you knew it. He knew it.

Seeing him on that gurney made you angry. It aroused your anger that this man had broken the promise he sealed with so many kisses. You felt so much disappointment that your chest had become a bottomless void of a feeling of impersonality. You didn't want to be there. You didn't want to go through it. You preferred to think that you could overlook it. You should overlook it. Why didn't you overlook it? You could live in ignorance, pretend to be the perfect girlfriend. Everything could be easier for both of you, for you, if you just ignored all those feelings and took this situation as a normal person would.

But your knees gave way to your tears and crashed to the floor. From the corner of the room, you could see your body shake in uncontrollable weeping. You didn't know why it hurt so much, if he was alive. You didn't know the reason for the agonising pain, if he was there. And yet, your face contracted in incalculable pain. It was as if he had died on that stretcher. It was as if you had been called to come and acknowledge his corpse.

And you knew James knew, because he hadn't said anything since you arrived. He had done nothing but watch you.

There, from the corner of the room, you could see him crying with you.

He knew.

You knew it.

5

The mission was simple.

Infiltrate, seduce, accompany, lull, kill.

But simple doesn't always end easy.

Since James had returned to the flat, he had vowed never to go out on any mission again, under any circumstances. And, indeed, he was keeping that promise. He was spending as much time at home as before.

But you weren't.

Every time James tried to talk to you about that mission where he might have died, you went into a kind of shell where you shut yourself off from all communication and fled from that place to one where you felt more at ease. More in control.

You got so tired of running away that you decided to start investing that time in something that would actually pay off. You started accepting missions with Thomas more often than before.

You knew James was trying to understand you, he was trying as hard and as willing as he could. Sometimes you would arrive and there would be dinner for you in the fridge or in the microwave. Sometimes you'd see your clothes piled in a corner of the yard suddenly neatly folded and smelling decent. Sometimes you'd walk into the bedroom and find little presents on top of the nightstand, right next to your side of the bed.

You knew James was trying.

But you also knew he was getting tired.

Weeks passed since you first came in and he was waiting for you sitting on the couch. It was a very hectic night, with too many questions and not enough answers. Sometimes you arrived and the flat was lonely. Sometimes you arrived and there was no food. Sometimes you arrived and there was only screaming.

But it was easier that way. You'd already felt what it was like to almost lose him, you'd already experienced that overwhelming emotion that had been with you so much in the past, and you knew, beforehand, that if it happened with James, there was no way you'd get out of it alive, so it was easier this way.

So it was easier that way. He'd walk away on his own, you'd forget about him, and you wouldn't have to suffer if he ever died.

Die.

James would die one day.

But not a day when he was with you.

So yes, you did spend a lot of time away from home.

Maybe you really should have thought twice before deciding that this was the best option.

You knew you dreaded James' death, and the loneliness that followed his passing.

But you had no idea how panicked you would be at the thought of your own death, after meeting him.

Because you would forget him, and that would be fairly easy for you, but he wouldn't forget you. And he would suffer, much more than he was suffering since you didn't come home.

"What the hell happened?" you remembered hearing a voice.

You couldn't be too aware of your surroundings lately.

"It was a simple mission," you heard another male voice.

"It was supposed to go well. She was supposed to call us if things got complicated."

You remembered little of being in the hospital.

You remembered a lot of James sitting in an armchair next to your gurney.

You remembered a lot of his silence.

You also remembered when, some days, you were awakened by his cries and had to pretend to be asleep so as not to interfere with his suffering. Because, ever since that accident happened, ever since you could remember what happened after that, James had become wary of his feelings. He wasn't as expressive as he used to be. And you didn't have the slightest idea what to do.

You couldn't believe that before you could get to the point where you could tell how each other was doing just by listening to each other's breathing, and after that you couldn't even meet each other's eyes by accident.

You were two strangers again.

You were losing him. You knew it. Every day that you went without doing something, without talking to him, without showing a hint of remorse for what you'd done, was a day closer to being completely alone again.

And you didn't even show it, but it was painful. Seeing him shut down like that, seeing him lose the sparkle in his eyes when he looked at you, realising that he lost the will to try… knowing that you took away his will… it was all too much.

Really, you never thought things would get this bad.

"What are you doing?"

You didn't think they had gotten this bad, until one day you came to the flat and saw a suitcase in the room full of his clothes.

"I'm tired."

Those were the first words he'd spoken to you in days.

"And I don't have to put up with this anymore. So I'm leaving."

You knew it was going to happen, but for him to say it like that…

"You're leaving?"

James turned to look at you. His icy expression paralysed you.

"Are you still surprised?" he blurted out gruffly, and continued packing his clothes.

You just stood there in the doorframe, watching him move as fast as if he had a coal-fired engine in his chest. As if he couldn't wait for the moment when he could finally get out of there.

"Really…" he spoke suddenly, "You've really gone weeks, weeks, without speaking to me no matter how many times I've tried to talk to you, and you decide to do it now just because you're watching me leave? That's what I needed to do to get you to react?"

You didn't answer, you just watched him, your mind blank. He was angry. Irate, rather. And you knew he was absolutely right, but you couldn't do anything about it. You couldn't do anything about it because things were going your way. If James went away, if he went away hating you, he wouldn't suffer in the future when you died and you could forget him in peace. That was the best thing. The only good thing you could do for him: keep him away from you.

"Don't you think I deserve an explanation?"

Yes, you do.

"No."

"No?" he repeated incredulously. "I know I made a mistake. I made a mistake in accepting those missions. I told you, I did it countless times. And yet, all those countless times you chose to turn your back on me."

The man watched you, his eyes filled with pent-up emotions that he finally allowed to overflow.

"I tried to understand you. I really did. I gave you your space. I tried to do whatever you needed because I knew it was hard for you, but it was like… trying to water a cactus daily. Everything I did seemed to have the opposite effect."

You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry, I was overcome with fear and panic. I got carried away. Please don't go.

"You didn't even give yourself a chance to listen to me. Not once. Do you have any idea how all that made me feel?"

Yes, you must have felt very lonely. Abandoned. Despised by me. It was my fault. I shouldn't have let it all go so far.

"Do you want me to call a taxi?"

Of all the things you longed to say, that was the only thing your mind allowed to come out of your mouth.

You saw him sketch the sternest look of disbelief you'd ever seen. But you also saw pain, extreme pain at the rejection of your words.

"Are you fucking kidding me? How can you be so cynical?" James exclaimed, his face contorted in anger and helplessness. You cringed a little at the shout but didn't move away from him as he came striding towards you in long strides. "Tell me, did you even care about me? At any point in this… relationship, was anything you gave me real?"

You half-opened your lips to answer, but could not formulate the sentences you knew would comfort his heart.

Yes, absolutely everything was real, all my love and suffering was real.

James walked away, and you didn't know if it was possible that his face could look even more downcast.

Your hands were shaking with helplessness. He was still there. You could still try to save him. Why didn't you? Why? Why? Why?

"How can you be so fucking expressionless? How can you not be in pain… for this? How?"

"You're going to be fine," the words escaped your mouth before your mind could process it.

The man turned to look at you.

"You really are…" he raised his hand and gripped it tightly, swallowing his words and turning back towards the wardrobe to start throwing his things into the suitcase.

Suddenly, he let out a scream. And then a cry.

"I swear, if you'd just tell me no, I'd stay."

He looked at you. His tear-filled eyes met yours and you knew that would be an image that would haunt you to death.

"I would stay… I really would, but… I still can't believe you are so foolish. The first thing you did when you left that hospital was to go back to another mission. How could you care so little about your life? How could you care any less that I care about your life?"

I care about my life even more since you're in it. Don't go.

"It's just work," is what you replied.

"No, no, no…" James hummed with laughter, but his face lacked grace. "I'm definitely not going to stand here just watching you risk your life because you're incapable of expressing your feelings. I'm not worth being put through this."

"It's my life, James."

"But you made me part of your life! I'm here! We're supposed to share our lives together. Why is it only about you now?"

"It's supposed to be my choices…"

"But why can't I be a part of them?" James exclaimed loudly. Your mind clouded over, and even though all you wanted to do was apologise from there until the end of time, you had too much pent up anger because of that very inability to say what you truly thought.

You're right, I am unable to express my feelings. I am sorry. Don't go away.

"You're talking about my fucking life! Why do you want to be in control of all the shit I do now? Fuck you!"

"I'm not trying to control anything, goddamn it! I just need to know…"

"No! You don't need to know anything. You don't need to know anything about me. We're here and you're packing your bag. You have no right to know anything."

James let out a snort.

"We're here and you still can't talk to me. I can't believe how bloody insane you've become."

"Just go."

Don't go.

"This is bullshit."

James finished throwing all of his clothes into the suitcase. You watched his every move, every flex of his body, every grimace on his face, every flick of his hair, how his fingers clutched at the things he took, how his scowl didn't lessen one bit. You watched and watched. It was all you could do.

You leaned against the doorframe and watched him take his anger and pain out on his clothes and his suitcase. It gave you a strange kind of feeling to see him like that, something that felt mildly familiar but you couldn't put a name to it. You wanted to turn things back. If you could turn back time you would, and every single thing that went wrong you would fix.

But would you really? Did the problem really go back to when things with James started to go wrong? The problem was you. You were the problem. You couldn't talk, you could only think, you could only repress, you could only suffer. Only you, you and you. Only you because you were alone, because you had always been alone and there was no reason to believe that could change. James lied to you, that was the reason he was leaving and you had no reason to stop him. He had to go. If he didn't want to go through that, he shouldn't have lied in the first place. If he didn't want to go through that, he shouldn't have asked you out in the first place. He shouldn't have met you. He shouldn't have spent time with you. You shouldn't have stopped him.

Stop him.

You should stop him.

James closed the suitcase.

"I did too much for this relationship. I gave up too much for both of us. I gave up everything I was for this relationship. I gave up too much for you and you know it!"

You narrowed your eyes and began to approach him in rapid strides. He towered over you by several inches, and there was a time when you loved that, but now you hated that he could see you that way. He had always seen you that way. So small…

"You say that as if I forced you. I never asked you to give up your life for me!"

"Exactly, that's the damn problem! You've never asked me to do anything, I've just done all this stuff on my own trying to cope with a relationship that's become… one-sided!"

You walked away.

"Just… leave now."

Please leave before I tie you to this flat and never let you leave again.

He wanted to say something else. You knew he wanted to say something else. It was obvious he hadn't said half the things he wanted to say. But he didn't.

He took his suitcase and left.

He really left.

He walked past you, not caring that the brush of his shoulder against yours almost made you fall. He passed you and walked straight to the exit, slamming the door hard on his way out.

He was gone. He was gone. He was finally gone. He was really gone.

Now you were alone. You were alone again. That's what you wanted, wasn't it? You'd done a lot of things in the last few months to make him go away, and he was finally gone… but then why weren't you satisfied?

Why did you want to run after him? Why did you want to go and kiss him? Why did you want to stop him and beg him to forgive you?

Who did he think he was to deserve that after what he had done?

But… what had he done?

No.

What had you done?

[inkedmyths]

S2: E1 "In My Time of Dying"

Brought to you by hi, I'm not dead, just very sleepy a lot because of school. Finally answered all those anons, now an episode. Just for you guys.

This episode featuring: Dean's on strike 2 with the near death nonsense, Sam's psychic-ing needs work, don't fear the reaper, and Certified Dad Moments

Woooo recap

[ Kayla: CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOON ]

WHSHSHSH THE RADIO GOING as they're like half dead in the car

Oop there goes the demon

Oh no the poor guy that was posessed

RIP Sam is the only one still conscious

Morning sleeping beauty

Hm. Maybe? Creepy empty hospital? Whats up here

[ Silas: color theory ]

Is Dean having one of them out of body experiences

HE SURE IS I CALLED IT

Cmon Sam aren't you psychic

[ Anniss snickers, having apparently forgotten what this guy gets up too. Yeah Sam's just sort of psychic and it's only relevant like half the time. ]

Dean's standing here like AAA IM RIGHT HERE GODDAMMIT

Sooo true Sam but like yeah it is important

Protection since they might be attacked at any time

Dean (out of body) judging their Dad

OH NO THE CAR

Whshshsgsgsv where's Dean is he going MY CARRR

Ohhh Sam are u projecting onto the car

Ohh Bobby knows someth too... what are they hidiiing

Dean is like I WANT TO BE ACTUALLY AWAKE THIS ISN'T FAIR

Oooough hes yelling at his dad... who can't hear him........

UH OH

Somethin zoomed by

Is Dean gonna have to outrun Death or someth... who dis

Hmmmmm thats not good

UH OHH

Oh they are fighting and now Dean can't intervene

OH Dean can knock stuff around!!

WJSHSH DEAN

Uh oh Dean

OH NO

Bitch slap it bitch slap it

Oh Sam is picking up on somthing now!

Okay so there is something haunting the hospital

Dean is going to literally be fighting for his life

Oh someone else is stuck like this!! Hi Tessa! Out of body funtime party! Trying not to die!

Oh whatcha grabbin Sam?

Whshshs now we are just vibing as out-of-body spirits

Oh the spooky! The evil spooky!

Hmmm

Whatcha got there Sam are u gonna put it on Dean to try and talk to him

WAIT DOES HE HAVE

HAHAHAHAHHAA

OUIJA BOARD THATS SO FUNNY

Dean is so offended and put off

"Hunt"

"Reaper"

Hough

:(

Uh oh John is Gone

Ur a terrible father sir

[ Crepe says this is his highest point in being a father, which is terribly ominous. ]

Just a little light Demon Summoning

U h O h

ohhhhh

John buddy what the hell. Literally! Lol. Since we're summoning shit

Hello Demon(s)

MAKE A DEAL?

I don't like this but I guess we have to start somewheeeere

"You can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that" wjshsj love functional families

"We were just starting to be brothers again" AUGH :((

WHSHSHS SHES JUST GIVING HIM THE STAGES OF GRIEF

Damn this is heavy

A Warrior's Death

Ohh. OH THATS HOW ANGRY SPIRITS ARE BORN..... Wough.........

The Colt for Dean.......

Hm? Sam and the other children? Whats the deallll

[ Crepe and Melon are hyping up the upcoming Father Moment. ]

Oh no! Oh boy! Im a fear!

I kind of like this Reaper tbh she's just. Nice. Talking people through their deaths.

[ Crepe says they all do that. ]

Yeah I guess the last one was leashed and pissed about it

OH NO

what the fuck

The doctor: Hm well thats fucking bizarre

Dean doesn't remember????

"Except this pit in my stomache saying something's wrong..."

Hm

Hmm

John: (apologizes and asks not to fight)

Sam: Are you good?? You okay???

(The answer is no)

GOD. Being about to die is one helluva wakeup call. BASTARD

Dean: ??? Fear?? Worried??? Dad what?????

Oh hes telling him someth

???

Dramatically drops the coffee

Howd u drop it upright

Time of death 10:41 AM

Well damn!

Great start to season 2: Dads fuckin dead!

---

I guess that's one hell of a way to kick things off for the season, but damn. Like, after all that work they put into trying to find their dad, then trying to help him, save him... and he dies anyways. So Dean can live.

Crepe and Melon spent several more messages just roasting the hell out of John Winchester, which, while it's probably fair, rather took away from the emotion of the scene LMAO

So uh. Gonna be interesting to see how they go forward from here and what their goal will be.

So. Dad Winchester is dead, the Colt has been taken by That Specific Demon alongside its last bullet, and Dean and Sam are here and traumatized. Interesting.

[wench-and-jezebel]

Dark Angel Reaction: The Kidz are Aiight

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

Oh god😕ew [What a way to start]

LINTLICKER!!! ITS BEEN A WHILE

JEEZ

Seee this is the part where he seems to not care.  Like oh I love them …. But I’ll also let them die to find the others

[btw um.  Remember how I've mentioned the whole.  PsyOps thing.  That I've mentioned.  Occasionally.  because... this is PsyOps.]  OH SHIT not the laser to the eyeeeee!?!?  Blech

Is this a different Zach?  Like a recast?  [No, I don't think.  He's just.  Ragged]  He looks different 🤣

Is this real or is he losing it?  Or is this part of what they’re doing?  [Do you really think I'm gonna tell you that?  :)]  Rude

Ah, I see

Ew, creepy smile

[I like her pants]

Ma’am.  That.  Doesn’t seem… Sanitary.  

WAIT!  Is this the gif?!  [Yes.]  ISSS THE GIF!  [*sigh* you’ve found another mouse, I see]

This is sweet  [This is true!  The cane thing was kinda cute too]  I KNOWWW 😭😭

[Bruh, the first thing he's gonna have to do with the feeling in his feet is clean the grit from between his toes laksdjf]  🤣🤣🤣 so true

☠️☠️☠️☠️

Again. KENDRA WHYYY

[They both pulling the 80s romcom obsess-over-the-outfit montage]  I’m loving this

☠️☠️☠️ the what is what sir

[Oop- leg shaving?!?!?!  Damn]  🤣🤣🤣  [Things are serious]

ACK I KNEW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN

["Friendship" Bruh, Logan, you lie]  ☠️☠️☠️

Zach ded

WOT?  THE TOMBSTONES!  THE DISrespect

See this is why I don’t like you Lintlicker

Nope! Ack!

Oh.  That-  [Digging himself out of the grave went better for him than it did for Dean ngl]  That was easier… yeah

Is the dr helping or is this a set up  [Nah, I think he was helping?]  Okay good  [I think we saw him hold Zach's hand earlier]  Awwww  [I don’t know for sure though]

You know what this means… Dr gonna die

Friends don’t need candles Logan  [:)))]

Aww  

“So.” Awkwarddddd  🙂

When are we doing another NCIS!?!  I need someTony now lollll  [asdlkfjasldkfj we can do it soonnnn]

Poor Logan  [Getting stood up for incest vibes]  Logan: Zach?!? 💕💕

[Y'all, I'm not liking this parallelinggggg]  

Oh hello (annoying) Max. I was wondering when you'd show up

Bet Max is thinking “well shit… maybe Logan was right”

[Okay, sorry, but... Acting = 3/10, film staging = 1/10, overall judgement = bad]  “Oooooowuwuwuuuwuu”  That’s the noises that face makes.  Like… Suck it up ☠️☠️☠️  [And did I mention the incest vibes suck]  Yea.  They do

Yes, let’s get in this cave and scream.  Genius

["It's different with you" Ummmm See?!?!?!]  Um  ["How could I forget-" oh god]  Huh.  [“-one single thing about you”]  Ewwwww

– – –

Jezebel: *sigh* Aight, let’s see… We got another not much has happened yet episode.  Except I met PsyOp, or however it’s spelled

Wench: PsyOps.  And it's a department, not a person alksjdflkdsajf  

Jezebel: You shush! I know

Wench: But yeah

Jezebel: And the whole laser in the eye is *sigh*

Wench: So recall that I've told you that Alec's been there a good three times :)

Jezebel: Poor doctor guy tho! Like he did not deserve that… just to help the guy in love with his own sister (and maybe her “not boyfriend” too… it’s complicated)

Wench: I'm still not fully certain whether doctor guy was aboveboard btw.  I can't remember, sorry.  And I wouldn't spoil if I did anyway, so hah!

Jezebel: But alas Max and Logan were being cute and I finally got to see the waterside scene irl 💕💕

Wench: I swear, we're gonna find out later that you've actually watched this entire show through gif form.  It's just two seasons of the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme

Jezebel: The “not” date was adorable, but, also, I’m sorry Logan…  if that chicken sat in the oven (while it was off) long enough to have cooked fully…. She’s spoiled.  Manticore ain’t gonna be able to get Max if she dies from Salmonella

Wench: lkasjdf

Jezebel: And then its all thwarted by pre-Zachinator ‘cause he nneeeeedsss Max

Wench: Ugh. Like... it'd be different (maybe) if they were in different units, but, as it is. No. She and Zach are too fraternal to be anything but incestuous. It's about the vibes and theirs are. nop.

Jezebel: And, of course, anything for Zach. So I got a good heaping taste of the Max I hear so much about 

Wench: This is true!  You get proof @witchy-writer-lady and I aren't insane!

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣

Wench: Thoughts on their... *cough cough* dynamic?

Jezebel: Yes.  EW.  And that’s it!  That’s the thought. 

Wench: And that’s all for midpoint!

– – –

[Once again, btw.  WHAT IS IT WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS GETTING TO LOOK DISHEVELED]  🤣🤣🤣 This is fair

The flashback thing tho

[“It’s been a long time since I let my guard down long enough to sleep”  Buddy, you slept for two seconds wtf you mean]

Sooo i thought he was just a physical therapist  [I think he is?]  Oh.  He sometimes seems to be more  [alksjdf idk for sure, sorry]

Also, buddy has horrible timing

[Poor Logan, competing with his brother-in-law for romantic attentions... betcha he never expected to have to deal with that]

The cane looming in the background like the serial killer, scary music and all

Twassss a set up

[Real subtle there, undercover guy]  Yeah, lol… Like y’all know they’re senses are heightened

The doctor’s alive!  You dog!

[Y'all.  Why are you sending Ordinaries after two transgenics alsdkjf  They're begging to get their asses kicked]  🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Zach looking over at Logan like "shit, he's got his legs back; now I've got no chance!"]  Zach’s like oh hello  [Oh, shit, "no chance" with which one?!!? Askdjf] 🤣🤣 [See, normally, I’d make a joke about “Logan has two hands” but the incest is keeping me from being able to]  ☠️☠️☠️ True.  Solution: Alec’s gonna come and he’s gonna be like… Welp, I’ve run out of hands… sorry, Zach.

☠️☠️  [The bitchiness is a family trait]

Poor Logan   [I knowwww.  But at least she apologized this time]

[Oh, no, not Normal's excessive patriotism showing up already]  ☠️☠️☠️  He called him a weenie

Sir, you don’t get to call them your kids, you bastaddd.  Lintlicker!

[Um, I'm sorry, that does not qualify as hair that looks "like she hasn't cut it since we escaped" aslkdfj]  🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Very true  [I swear that looked, like.  Shoulder-length]  Maybe it grows slow

[Okay, a little past shoulder length, but still.  Not nine years or whatever]

Does she die?  [Not answeringgggg]

Lintlicker’s Angels over here

Long gaze

[I find it kinda funny that her s2 mantra is "don't lose track of your family because I did and I regretted it ever since" and yet she legit Does Not Stay With Them despite many opportunities to do so]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Your “kids”

[Be concerned about this committee btw.  And about who this "she" is]  Ooooof  [They're not talking about executing the order]

[Um.  "She looks just like I remembered"  BITCH WOT.  Y'ALL WERE NINE]

That. Was.  *sigh*  Really adorable  [I knowwwww]

[She's kinda clueless missing that tbh.  Thought she was a supersoldier with keen senses alkdsjf]  Right  [How tf are you missing this]  Like… Ma’am  [THE VEIN IN HIS FACE IS HIGHLY VISIBLE]  *sigh*

Oooooop let me go talk in circles  [Not the monologues aksdjf]  On the skyscraper

[“Maybe it’s something in the way I’m made or something”  IT'S NOT IN THE WAY YOU'RE MADE, MA'AM, IT'S YOU!  YOU SUCK]  🤣🤣🤣🤣

– – – 

Jezebel: The ending had less happen then the beginning.  Minus the rescue, but like… We should have met the sister way sooner.  That was so rushed.  Like oooop here’s a new sibling!  Who you shall see for .05 secs!  Then she’s off to Canada!

Wench: Accurate assessment

Jezebel: But poor Logan

Wench: You're starting to see the Big Drama btw

Jezebel: Back to candle lit transfusions

Wench: Nom: dinner-I mean, what?

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣

Wench: Also, Max looking so annoyed at him was so funny.  Like, ma'am, he is literally holding onto the counter for dear life to stay upright.  And you're bitchy about him not letting you stay for salad.

Jezebel: I KNOW!  And like after the cute little see for yourself, why would he just switch up like that???  Ma’am.  How can you be so genetically enhanced.  And so stupid.  At the same time?

Wench: And it's not even answering nature vs nurture because they "nurtured" the observant side of her but clearly that paid zero dividends lakdsjf

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wench: Max legit just goes: yeah, no, nature and nurture have got nothing on my particular brand of sheer stupidity #girlpower

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣 I just don’t understand

Wench: You haven't even met Alec yet *sigh*  He puts her so far to shame.  ALSO.  To be fair!  s2 has a whole host of different transgenics and they're literally all better than Max.  Joshua is amazing, Mole is great, and BIGGS.  I love Biggs.  He's in one episode but he and Alec have chef's kiss camaraderie.  

Jezebel: Also!  For my final point of the reaction: that is not how you look at your sister.  And done!

[ajaxhearts]

chapters, c. tartaglia

what's up bestays !!!!!! so i'm posting this because i had a little out-of-the-blue-writing-sesh at 3 in the morning since i was bored. i was so tired i couldnt bare another page saurrrr.... ANYWAYZ! hope you enjoy, love u guys <3

----------------------------------------------

Chapter 1 Page 1: Without A Crush

Hellaur, it’s me. Writing this again… 

Day idontevenwannaknowanymore without a crush, and boy it still is as boring as it was before. Sure I have some fun occasionally, but that’s only when I’m doing random stuff or if I’m out with my friends. Besides that, basically my life is boring. All my friends seem to have someone they admire or like. Makes me feel like I’m the boring one in my group. Anyway, I hope someday I’ll find someone like that.

Signed, Y/N.

-

Chapter 1 Page 2: Cutie?

Hi, BIG NEWS!

OMG! I'm finally in the Fatui Harbingers.. took me way too long and a lot of effort.. BUT BESIDES THAT, I saw someone at HQ and he was admittedly, kinda handsome.

I never paid much attention to this guy but after I focused on him for like, a few seconds; I realized how this guy was sorta attractive… in a sense. BUT! I wouldn’t say it’s a crush… not for long, probs. Maybe it’ll just pass.

Sincerely, Y/N.

-

Chapter 1 Page 3: In Denial

HI SO UHM, IT’S ME, AGAIN!!!!!

I can’t stop looking at him during training or when I'm in meetings. We just got partnered up for missions, too! I don’t honestly know what I’m feeling right now but it definitely can’t and won’t be a crush...

Stressed, Y/N.

-

Chapter 1 Page 4: No Longer In Denial…?

How do I even begin?

I can’t stop thinking about him and lately, I was called to stay after a meeting to talk with Signora about… my attention span during our meetings. She mentioned how I always seem like I have something on my mind; or someone. I OBVIOUSLY didn’t tell her ANYTHING but I think she's onto me, god. So that made me assess myself.. and I’m 50% sure this is a crush now… when I thought it could have never been.

Confused, Y/N.

-

Chapter 1 Page 5: Acceptance Stage

Okay, well hi. 

I think I have to accept the fact that I have a crush. My friends mentioned to me a few hours ago that I would always talk about him. No matter where we are, anytime, and what we would be doing. Even when we were just talking, APPARENTLY I’d always find a way to bring the topic back to him. GOD WHEN WILL THIS BE OVER. But yep, I think your beloved Y/N has a crush now.

Unbelievably, Y/N.

-

Chapter 1 Page 6: Friends?

HEY UHM HI HELLO.

HE WALKED UP TO ME EARLIER AND SAID IF HE WANTED TO BE MORE THAN JUST ACQUAINTANCES AND I FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but I obviously said yes…….. So now we're friends, hopefully we'll grow closer?

SCREAMING, Y/N.

-

Chapter 1 Page 7: More..

HeYYyyyYYyy!!!

So I learned more about what he likes, what he dislikes, his hobbies, and more. I learned that his favorite color was blue, which is cute BTW!!!!!! because I like blue too.. hehe. Moving on, I found out he was a new Harbinger while I was still under training. He mentioned that he’s met me before but I had a hard trouble remembering. Now, I’m slowly getting to know the guy here and there.

Better than ever, Y/N.

–

Chapter 1 Page 8: Fallen?

Where do I start..?

For Morax's sake, he's so handsome. I can't even over exaggerate that! His hair looks absolutely perfect and soft.. His eyes are so endearing! He's got the humor that one needs in a guy. He's even better in battle but holy mama, when I see him battle, he looks so focused. His hair falls so freely and his face has utter determination. Ugh! I've been admiring him too much lately..

With love, Y/N.

-

Chapter 1 Page 9: Drew My Attention.

Getting to know the guy, he's very interesting.

We've talked about a few things while on missions, from how we came to wanting to be a Harbinger, to the reason why we decided to pursue our wants. He's quite the guy, there's a lot to him. More than I thought he'd have.

Intrigued, Y/N.

-

Chapter 1 Page 10: Close Call

So, right now, I'm being risky and writing while I'm on a mission with him.

Honestly, after working with him for a while, I've really seen how dedicated he is to accomplishing missions assigned to him. Though, it's a different story when he's in battle. He's so into it, like it's the only thing he lives for, he loves the heat of the battle, his eyes somehow.. sparkle. Yes, he's good at fighting but he always comes back to camp with wounds all over him. It sucks seeing him like that but it's what he's used to. Some part of me really wants to help him and pro-

-

Chapter 1 Page 11: Phew!

Sorry, almost got caught by the very guy himself.

He came rushing into camp asking for me to come with him. We went off to investigate the other camps present around us. Of course, he had wounds all over him; but there was nothing I could do. So, I followed him and our investigation went on. Were back at camp and he's fast asleep. Anyway, today was a long day.

Tired, Y/N.

----------------------------------------------

semi-part 2 here.

[petitebonnie]

♡ FNAF 1 x reader ♡

@getcharlotted ( A request from you, I hope you enjoy it! And the rest of the readers ^^ ♡)

Characters: Bonnie

Includes: warm fluffy content ♡

Bonnie is the fluffiest one out of the whole group. His fur felt like silk against your fingers. Since you cleaned the animatronics so much and he had so much fur, you'd make sure to clean him really well.

He would ask you to get him a grape scent or blueberry scent body soap. Bonnie loved smelling good for you. Sometimes, if u rubbed the right spot like scratched under his chin or played with his overly fluffy ears- his foot would thump rapidly against the floor.

He would go in a trance once your hands met his tummy. Bonnie really enjoyed your touch anywhere on his body. One time, you touched his tail - made him jolt, and he broke the stages wooden floor -

Hehe, accidents.

Bonnie gets really stressed. Kids are always touching, pulling at his fur or asking him to play songs he has never heard of - nor was it programmed to know.

He really just needs to lie down, relax, and have you caress his fluffy cheeks. Telling him everything will be okay, and you'll be by his side forever.

His favorite place for you to massage him is his chest and shoulders.

When you two are alone at the stage, you sit behind him and rub his shoulders. It's like touching a fluffy cloud over and over again. He gets very shy when he groans in pleasure. It just comes out.

You love sitting behind him because you get to see his fluffy tail wag uncontrollably with happiness. When you massage his chest, he is a flustered mess. He can't look u in the eyes whenever u squish or squeeze his chest. Rubbing his ribs feels nice for him, too.

Unfortunately for you, he discovers he is a possessive type. It wasn't hard. He would uncomfortablely stare at guests or co-workers you know of.

But besides that-

You love brushing out his fur. It gets messy sometimes since the kids mess with it so much. You always put bows or make funny hair do's.

But the most stressful days Bonnie has ks when he malfunctions. He hates being touched by other people who don't really care about fixing him. He gets real aggressive whenever a female touches him, especially.

He knows they just want a paycheck- but it bothers him when they rip or damage his fur - he tries to keep it nice and tidy for you. So it gets him so upset.

After long hours in the Parts and Service room, you are there to fix and cuddle him. You two cuddle in his room all the time, which is in a very dark purple room. A very dim light of purple lights and fluffy purple blankts- he spoons you a lot, but dont be shy to ask him to be the little spoon!

When he is the big spoon (most of the time), he always wraps his arms around you, sometimes squishing some squishy parts of you~ maybe your breasts a bit.

But it feels so nice, you spend most of your nights here to sleep. You get scared by the smallest things, but he will always have an open door for you whenever u get scared or need company.

♡ Which is every day with Bonnie ♡

[delusional-mishaps]

Ok, here we go- Dust, Killer, Horror, Cross, Passive Nightmare and Dream please. S/o takes them on a date (but wont tell them where cause its a suprise!), And when they get there, it's a nice comfy restuarant by the beach? Nothing fancy, but basically like grillbys but with the occasional person going on stage and singing some songs. (And if S/o knows the song, they sing their heart out) Thank you!

hmmmmg bad guy sanses make me weak in the lnees thank u for the request :O)

passive's is to be read as platonic!!!

Vendetta:

why'd you bring him to a BEACHSIDE restaurant,,,, the dust he finds in crevices between his bones is already too much, now there's SAND??? regardless of how nice out it is, he'll make sure the two of you aren't seated on the patio. at least the food is good and greasy, and he guesses the music is nice even if half the people going up to sing are drunk off their asses. honestly, even if you sing, he won't be paying too much attention. he'd either be drunk, or halfway trying to make it. at least he can ignore the feeling of sand between his bones when he's absolutely smashed. have fun taking care of a drunk angry little man. at least he gives you more kisses when he's drunk <33

Aero:

DAAAMN this is nice. the food, the atmosphere, the location. how long have you known of this place and didn't tell him? he's been missing out!! mf will be up on that stage all night singing his metaphorical lungs out. hell, he'll be dragging you up to sing a duet or two or five with him. he's stealing the show. eventually he'll settle down and you two can actually eat and talk. he'll have to get one more song out of you before you two leave, though

Pisces:

he'll get overstimulated by the noise/singing really easily, especially if it's busy, so you'll find yourself ordering the food and taking it to eat it on the beach. the serenity of the quiet beach waves lapping at the sand, mixed with the gentle glow of the sun reflecting off of it. were it noon-ish, he'd prefer you two sit away from crowds, maybe under any trees if there are any for the shade to protect your skin. if it were closer to the evening, the beach would be nearly-empty aside from a few people either packing up to leave, or taking the cliche "walk along the beach", but they won't bother you too much. he'd prefer, then, to sit closer to the water, so he could watch it flow in and out, washing over the sand. it's nice, just the two of you, the faint sound of too-loud music from the restaurant still faintly drifting over so you could hear it, but it wasn't bothersome.

Vex:

he doesn't even care where the date is, he gets all blushy regardless. you're taking time out of your day to just??? put it towards him??? to hang out with him???? it always makes him feel so loved. you could ask him over for a "movie date" and he'll get excited and his soul will pound. so when you take him out somewhere???? he feels like he's about to combust. and the beach??? is so pretty???? can you two sit outside actually? the best time to go would be to watch the sunset, when the light is reflecting off the water so beautifully, almost a mirror image of what's above in the sky. maybe you sneak away while he's admiring the sight and sing some cheesy, slow love song that catches his attention solely because it's your voice singing it and he turns to look at you and your eyes meet and he feels like he's falling in love with you all over again oh my god this is so cheesy im so sorry can you tell i have a favourite??

Grimm (Passive):

the boingy skrunkle. spinky slumbc. scrimblo. motherfucker has never been to a beach so he's abandoning his shoes (and you) to run around in the hot sand. forget the restaurant, hope you brought towels with you because he's gonna wanna sun tan (even if he can't tan). eventually, he will get hungry (or you bugged him enough to get food BAKNEOF) and the two of you can finally eat. he's not exactly a fan of greasy foods, so he'll maybe just get a basket of yam fries and call that good enough. he's also WAY too shy to ever go on stage to sing, but he'll quietly cheer for you if you go up! he'd like to go again some time, saying he enjoyed his time with you, but you secret know he just likes the beach and wants to properly visit it instead of the restaurant

Sunny:

also not the biggest fan of greasy foods. also doesn't particularly need to eat, so he'll maybe pick a few fries off of your meal and that's it for him. were you to sing anything, he'd happily sing along with you if he knew the lyrics. if not, he'd just watch you lovingly. you're a great s/o, you know? he's happy you chose him. he's happy he can make you happy. he'll probably get sappy and start spouting lovey dovey words and express his gratitude to you just for... just for loving him. for caring about him and taking him out despite not needing to.

[stealanity]

더보이즈 ✩ THE BOYZ REACTION : to their s/o asking for another kpop group member's number.

genre : fluff, maybe a tiny little angst

a/n : since my 3 top bg are performing together (I CLEARLY WANT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW) aka enha, txt & tbz, i wanted to write this reaction! hope u will like it!

상연 ✩ sangyeon

don't understand why you came to him all lovey dovey

with doe eyes and big big smile on your pretty lips

don't understand either why you're so clingy suddenly

then the fateful question : « what do you need? »

smile when your pretty hands come to rest on his cheeks

« baby please, do me a favor, ask for heeseung's number for me before your collab stage.. »

but frowns at your sudden question

don't understand why you need heeseung's number so bad

his heart helps a little in his chest, imagining the worst

maybe he wasn't good enough for you?

seeing the worry in his eyes made you regret your request

so you come gently strew his face with butterfly kisses, whispering little i love yous in his ear

« sangyeon, heeseung just looked kind and nice. you don't have to worry, the man i love is you and only you. »

can't hide his smile and the blush on his cheeks

camouflaging his face in the crook of your neck after positively nodding his head

제이콥 ✩ jacob

« cobie, can i ask you something? »

too bad, you knew he would never tell you no

even for the silliest things

the precious angel in him always made him accept

« sure honey, whats up? »

when you asked him in a small voice, enhypen jake's number, he thought he misheard

then he asked you to repeat, confirming that you had just asked for the number of a boy other than him

but it didn't bother him more than that, just nodding his head

even though he didn't understand why you wanted jake's number

he understood even less when you came to cling to him, kissing his cheek

when he seemed completely lost

« what was that for? »

the smile on your lips warmed his heart, making him want to hug you, like a teddy bear

« just to remind you that, just because i'm asking for another boy's number, doesn't mean i'm looking for something else. i have you, and you are perfect to me, i don't need anything else. »

and he felt like he was falling in love with you again, smiling like a fool

영훈 ✩ younghoon

you were quietly in the living room

watching tv with him

zapping to find something interesting

when you stumbled upon the show presented by the prettiest mc : park sunghoon

younghoon, not interested, kept changing the channel until he heard you moan and steal the remote

he suddenly felt very interested in the program

and you too, which made him roll his eyes

« honey, can you ask sunghoon's number for me? he looks so cool and cute, i want to talk to him. »

your question made him bugger, making him frown as he pivoted his face towards you

« why do you want his number? not like you want him to be your friend or something. »

you shrug your shoulders, your eyes riveted on the screen, tilting your head slightly

« he's tall, cute and handsome. totally my type. »

a shocked laugh left his lips, falsely offended by your words, a wounded hand against his heart

« i'm also tall, cute and handsome. »

slip his arms around you after that, pulling you against him as a little hint of jealousy dawned in him

feel his heart melt in his chest when your eyes land on his

your fingers playing with the strands of his ebony hair

« yes, i know. that's what i said : totally my type. »

and then a small kiss on his cheek

making him realise that you're truly the love of his life

현재 ✩ hyunjae

« and why the hell do you want jay's number? »

he felt deeply attacked and shocked for you to dare ask him for the number of another boy

even more if it is someone other than his group's members

acts like a dramaqueen, placing his hand against his heart, mimicking fainting on the sofa

fake crying when you dare to answer him that jay has a better dress style than him

and above all that he looks cooler

proceed to sulk in your bedroom, hugging a pillow against him with his lips in pout

he was jealous, but he would never admit it

he's still jealous, even when you climb on the bed to come around his waist with your arms, resting your chin against his shoulder

« you should go cuddle jay, not me. »

moan in pain when your hand crashes violently against the back of his head

ready to retort, until you silence him by kissing him, making the tips of his ears blush

« he may be cooler than you, but he will never be you. you're my loser lover. »

can't help but want to punch you so hard and kiss you so bad at the same time

주연 ✩ juyeon

« juyeon, can you come here? »

when you ask for something

juyeon can't help but make all your wishes come true

whatever it is, he will do anything to satisfy you

but this time, your request left him perplexed

« why do you want yeonjun's number? »

shrugging your shoulders, you looked up at him for a few seconds

trying to cover up the smirk emerging on your lips

« mhhh.. have you seen his aotm performance? he's amazing, i can't help but watch it on repeat. » (true fact honestly)

and currently, he frowns again

because why the hell you watch yeonjun's aotm, when you should watch his

he feels disappointed, crossing his arms against his chest while clearing his throat

as you try so hard to keep from laughing

« and what about my atom? do you like it as much as yeonjun's? »

feels even more disappointed and betrayed when you said no, shrugging your shoulders

but don't notice when you get up to walk towards him, putting your hands on his cheeks

lifting his head to look at you, smiling tenderly

« yours? i love it even more lee juyeon, you're amazing, and you will always be my favorite. »

케빈 ✩ kevin

he looked disoriented, when you jumped on his bed so early in the morning

when you should be peacefully asleep

but no, you had to scroll on twitter, finding new pictures of hueningkai

making you hop on the bed, your hands hanging on his arm

« i absolutely need you ask hueningkai his number for me, i need it. »

raising an eyebrow laughing, he ends up taking your hands off his arm, almost knocking you out of bed

which did not prevent you from continuing to whine for hyuka's number

« why do you need it so bad anyway. »

rolling your eyes coming to stick to him, pretending to think

« i mean, look at him. he's handsome and supra funny. »

he couldn't believe his ears, raising his arms to the sky

asking beyonce what he could have done wrong to deserve this

« dude, i'm literally your handsome and funny boyfriend. »

looking up at him, you nodded, giving him the most beautiful smile

« ahh, you're right. you have something he doesn't have. »

looking at you with a victorious smile, he bulged his chest

« what? charisma? »

a bulged chest which you hastened to bang, give a flick to his forehead

« foolishness. »

뉴 ✩ chanhee

« jungwon's number? but.. since when do you have a thing for jungwon? i through your bias was sunoo. »

in fact, chanhee was right

maybe you had a penchant for sunoo's infectious smile

but that was before your heart was taken by jungwon's smile

with pouty lips, you begin to say : « yes but.. yang jungwon' smile.. »

rolling his eyes, chanhee played with your hair, bored because of this conversation

he was not jealous, at least not too much

because you used to talk about other people together

but he can't stand the fact that another smile than his

could make you ask your boyfriend for another boy's number

unbelievable !

sighing lightly, before you lift your head to him

chanhee offered you the sweetest of his smiles

the one that capsized your heart and blushed your cheeks

and you come to peck his lips once or twice, snuggling in his comforting arms

« nevermind, forget what i asked you. »

raising an eyebrow, chanhee gently stroked your arm with his fingertips

« why? you know, i don't mind asking him. »

but you shook your head negatively, camouflaging your face in the crook of his neck

« no, no need. the only smile that matters to me is yours. »

making his heart beat 300 miles an hour

큐 ✩ changmin

« can i may know why? »

changmin definitely couldn't believe what you just asked him

did you really just ask him for the number of his favorite mc?

aka choi soobin?

« nothing in particular, he just looks funny, and sweet, and fucking handsome. and t a l l. »

pretend to yawn when you tell him this, going back to his occupations

and even when you beg him lightly he refuses

no he said, and when you ask him why

he answers : « because soobin is mine. »

and you're the one in shock now, pretending to sulk

but at least now you won't ask for the number of any other boy than him

because deep down, changmin was just extremely jealous

which made him come and take you in his arms, placing a kiss on your shoulder

turning you around, coming to put a million kisses on his face

« maybe soobin is yours, but you, you are mine and only mine. »

he couldn't help laughing, before smiling tenderly at you, placing a kiss on your forehead

« i am completely and totally just yours. »

finally, you were the one who was jealous now

주학년 ✩ haknyeon

« uh? »

he seemed lost when you asked him for taehyun's number

blinking several times trying to realize if this was all real

but when he asks you why, you suddenly seemed dreamy

your chin stuck in the palm of your hand

« for several reasons : he looks funny, cute and surrounded by good vibes. it just seems to be nice to hang out with. and more important point.. »

sliding your hands in front of your chest, your eyes looked big while miming the bulging muscles of his torso

« this. »

haknyeon looked suddenly shocked, the tips of his ears blushing

as you watched him out of the corner of your eye, scrutinizing his reactions

he was way too cute, observing his own torso

that you got up to come the back hug, placing a kiss on the bridge of his jaw

« you know.. i also have a bulging chest. »

his remark making you laugh, you nodded positively

as he swiveled towards you, giving you the opportunity to let your chin rest on his chest, as you smiled at him

« i know, and this torso will always be my favorite. and the boy who has it. »

선우 ✩ sunwoo

when he feels your body collaspe on his back

he feels really happy to have his baby hugging him

but when he heard you sigh incessantly

he understood that you had something to ask him

so he swiveled, now finding himself on his back, you lying on him

« what do you want. »

a smile appeared on your lips, as you assumed an innocent look, which made him raise an eyebrow

« my cute little boba boyfriend, could you ask for enhypen's sunoo number, for your cute little soulmate? »

raises his eyebrows even more after that, a nervous, mocking laugh escaping his pretty lips

because he thought you were joking

when you weren't

« wait, you're serious? »

seeing the serious way you looked at him, he understood that you were serious

then a jealousy invaded his whole body, crossing his arms against his chest

« why? you already have a sunwoo in your life, isn't it enough for you? »

a crystalline laugh left your lips, which made the tips of sunwoo's ears blush despite the pout on his lips

that you hastened to kiss, before resting your chin on his hand

« he's just cute, but of course, you're cuter than him. and above all, i'm in love with you, dumbass, not with him. »

에릭 ✩ eric

you were both quietly installed in the living room

you working on your homework while he relaxed himself, playing the console

when you remembered that tweet you saw this morning

continuing to do your homework, your voice suddenly distracted him from his game

his head swiveling towards you with a shocked expression

« and why do you need beomgyu's number? »

he was not jealous, or at least not yet

but when you shrug your shoulders

replying that beomgyu looked really funny and always in a good mood

he felt his stomach tighten

and you see out of the corner of your eye, his pouty lips, tearing you a sweet smile, melting your heart

« hmm.. yea sure.. »

his voice sounded so sad all of a sudden, that you bothered to leave the table to sit on his lap

kissing his cheek tenderly, hanging your arms around his neck

« look at your sad face, are you jealous? »

he looked away, just wrapping his warm arms around your waist

a little laugh left your lips, stroking his hair softly while whispering

« you're the sunshine of my life, eric. no one will ever replace you. not even choi beomgyu. »

tbz main masterlist !

permanent taglist : @deputyjuyeon @sunfics @changminurheart @littleaprilcherryblossom @junjungsunwoo @wooyoung-a @from-xero @chareadingpurposes @allyg-onz @carolnina55 @zvae @i6swoo @changmin-wrlds @99outros @pockyandme

[ficsforeren]

Hey bbyyyy I’m loving all your hcs they’re so cute. I am curious tho, do you have any for the day the baby is born like the when the reader tells him that she thinks she’s going into labor in the worst possible place lol, or maybe she’s at home and he’s out then he gets a call from her saying her water just broke and he’s like O H MY SHIT WTF. Also where he gets to hold his baby for the first time and the reader is just looking at him like 🥺

OK SORRY IF THAT WAS TOO MUCH BUT IF YOU DONT WANNA WRITE THEM ITS OKAY. LOVE U

Aawww thank you so much, love ❤️❤️❤️

oh man, you better hope you don't go into labor when he's on stage because I think the second rockstar!eren hears about the news, he's just going to panic. and not just panicking in the way that he's like shaking his manager by the shoulder and shouts, "Levi! Can you send someone to her place now?! She's alone, I need her to be safe—please, please make sure she's okay or I'm not gonna finish this fucking show for you, I swear to God, I won't!"

But more like his brain just completely stops working for a moment when he hears a nurse calling him on your behalf, letting him know that you're in labor (he was about to go on stage in ten minutes and he went to his phone to make a quick call so you could wish him good luck but instead, he got a call from the hospital). With his bass still hanging on his back, he mumbles incoherently, his thoughts are running too fast for his mouth to say the words. "I gotta... I need to... She's having a baby..."

He can barely function but he's already making his way to the nearest exit door. Levi catches him on time and asks "What the fuck are you doing?! You're live in five minutes!" and Eren goes into a frenzy, his chest suffocating, his eyes opened wide. Gripping the other man tightly by the shoulders, he says, "I'm having a baby-—LEVI, I'M HAVING A FUCKING BABY—WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO?!?!?!" and it takes like three men to calm him down.

But if he's there with you when you're going into labor, he'll try his best to keep himself composed no matter how anxious and worried and terrified he is inside. He'll hold you by the hand, with another one wrapped around your waist protectively as he helps you stand from the bed. He sees that your water just broke, drenching your dress and he's about to pass out from the sight but he stays strong. "Baby? Baby, you're going to be okay. I'm taking you to the hospital now, all right?" He kisses your temple before he guides you to the front door. "You'll be safe. You're not alone, I'm gonna be with you all the time. You hear me? We'll get through this together."

and when he gets to hold the baby for the first time?

Eren goes still for a good whole minute, just watching the way the baby is sleeping in his arms. She's so little, so fragile and his heart squeezes at the sight. You keep your smile to yourself as you see the way he's biting his lower lip to hold back his tears, afraid that if he cries, he's going to wake the baby. He holds her close, so close to his heart and he grits his teeth to keep himself silent. The sight of it makes you melt inside and you ask him, "What should we name her?"

Eren sniffles, taking a moment to himself to suppress his sobs. He turns to you when he's sure he's calm enough to speak. "I don't know... I really can't think about anything right now..." He chuckles softly, still gazing at the baby with his eyes full of wonder. "I can't believe we made this... Look at her... She's so perfect..."

He then takes a seat on the edge of your hospital bed. Still lying down, you wipe the tears away from his cheek with your thumb. Eren laughs once, a bit embarrassed. He tilts his head to kiss your palm, sighing into your touch.

"How about Irene?"

"Irene..." Eren unconsciously repeats as he stares at the baby. His little girl moves slightly, her tiny lips almost forming a smile. "I think she likes it..." He titters. "Irene..." He bends his head down, lips brushing against the baby's head. "I will love you so much, Irene..."

Your heart warms. "She'll love you so much too."

He turns to you, looking like he's falling in love with you all over again. "Thank you..."

"For what?"

"For making me the happiest man in the world." He leans in to kiss your lips. "I love you."

[toaswife]

𝓑𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓯𝓮𝓬𝓽 𝓕𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻

- 𝑮𝒖𝒚 𝑨𝒗𝒂𝒓𝒊 𝑿 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

Characters -

𝑳𝒖𝒄𝒊𝒇𝒆𝒓 - The first Child ( Mum's fav also called as Lil guy because he looks like guy)

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 - The Second child who was born recently

𝑵𝒂𝒓𝒂 - MC

𝑮𝒖𝒚 - ML

𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒆: 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒈𝒖𝒚'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒘"

The story starts in a dramatic way"

"Guy wanted a girl as his first child but it's A boy!

Guy : seriously 😒

Mc : It's not my fault

Guy : it's ok we'll try again

Mc : 👁️👄👁️ now!?Guy : nah let's *sigh* ugh wait Mc : Yea like maybe 7 years Guy : 👁️👄👁️💔 I .. I wait no i thought it's until he's walking

Mc : what obvi no I want my child to be grown enough that he can look after himself because I don't want him thinking he didn't get loved by us enough

Guy : f*ck this I want a girl!!!!"

"It's been 9 Years since Lucifer was born I am reading this book I received from qelsum it's a book on how to raise a daughter well I do hate him but I am grateful to him for this book it's really informative"

"Well he does have the knowledge afterall he grew up surrounding girls, he shouldn't have a problem dealing with a girl"

"Nara is in the last stage of pregnancy and and her delivery could be any time I for one have been curiously waiting"

"According to nara she told me it's a girl I am really happy because she was very sure it is"

The door opens I suddenly close my book and put it in the drawer

Nara : "Guy what are u doing?"Guy : " I should be asking that? you shouldn't be here taking rest is important "Nara : "I just came to see u, Well I know but I can't alway stay at the same place right"

Guy: " Still If you need anything Just call Me I would come right?"

Nara : "yeah But I can't alway relay on you I just came to check on little guy"Guy : " You worry way too much about him"

Nara : I can't help it.

Guy : anyways it's lunch time let's go Nara : okay Are u sure I ask her about the gender?

Nara : Yes, it's not like u guys have a Ultrasound test if u want a valid proof that is

Guy : A what?

Nara : A Ultrasound test is a type of test where the machine scans the Belly and shows u the baby in the moniter, it tells the health condition of the baby and the gender.

Guy : the human realm is indeed quite forward when it comes to Machines

I'll tell Nara to rest in the room while I'll bring her lunch

I go to the dining hall only to run into queen toria she is the third Consort queen and the mother of Zev, She is nicest one after mom

"Good Afternoon Your majesty"

"Good afternoon Guy.

you must be eagerly waiting for your daughter""I am indeed"

Guy : I have a favor To Ask You Your Majesty, Can you give me some tips on raising a daughter u have a Lil sis right and u know how to raise one?

Toria : sure, you have changed alot Guy.Guy : Well

Toria : Not that I blame you It's Probably Love's doing

Guy : Well I did because of Nara so I guess your right..Toria : alright back to the topic

Never scold ur daughter even if they do something wrong because they have a fragile heart and take things to their heart and always be kind and teach them the right way to do things even if they do it wrongly and they can be very demanding of course Guy : no issues I shall give them what she wants, Thanks

Roc : now what am I seeing here?

Guy: just some tips for my daughter

Roc : well u have grown up huh?

Guy : I did a long time ago

Toria : anyways that's so sweet of you to want a daughter

"Reminds me of your dad and mom they both wanted a daughter but sadly your mom died before that could happen"

"Oh" I said Because I didn't knew about it dad said he only wanted a boy so I'm suprised

Toria : Suprised at how I know this? It's because your dad and I are childhood friends I never expected to marry him

Guy : You did?

Toria : Yes I was A close Family friend and was close to your mom too I always supported her, but I never expected this, lts because of rahm all she cared was his attention and roc got irritated with her behaviour, Your dad is very partial to your mom which is probably why he doesn't like her, so he requested my family to marry him and he's been nice to me but I'm still sorry for thisGuy : I don't blame you plus it's not your fault, thanks for telling me

Toria : take good care of nara!

That Evening Nara said she was feeling pain and so I took her to the delivery room After An hour all the princes gather and we all wait Together It's midnight and I'm still waiting it's been way too long. When Lucifer was born it took 2 hours but Now I can't even count how many hours have gone by.

The doctor comes out with a grim expression, He tell us a shocking news"Your majesty I'm so sorry to tell but you have to choose between the child or the mother"

"What! I exclaimed is there no other way? What kind of doctor you are if you can't save the queen?"

"I'm So Sorry Your Majesty, Her Highness is barely able to stay awake and she has lost alot of blood the child is taking Alot of time to come out it's either u choose or u lose both of them Please we are trying our best right now"

''I can't believe this It's like a nightmare, You aren't serious are u?" it's like I'm on the verge of crying"

Tears start well to up in my eyes, Toa notices this"I'm going outside I have some work I'll comeback once I'm done" said Toa He signals the other princes too

It's nice that they are being considerate but now's not the time I don't care if they see me the way I am all matters is Nara That's when I See Toria and dad come Toria : Guy I think u need to understand her situation, not to mention she's a human her body runs on the terms of blood and it's necessary to her unlike us magic plays a vital role for us but for her it's her blood and heart not the magic

Guy : ....

Roc : I understand your pain guy I have gone through this but you have to accept this

Guy : ... "I'm at a loss for words the dream child I wanted could be here but her mom won't I can always get a baby girl but her mom won't, she's rare I love her I can't lose her she's way too important for me to lose, I just wanted a daughter because she'd look like her mom and I'd have two wonderful women infront of my eyes and enjoy this feeling but looks like it won't come true""For A moment I Could Understand Dad's Pain Which is probably why he lost his hope on love and told me woman are not important they are just a burden to us, Well I disagree But it feels like I can understand what he went through"

"That's when the princes return and look at me I have made my decision it's Nara I want to protect her, I gave my answer to the doctor"

Much to my surprise just after 5 min I hear a baby crying I'm shocked! What happened to nara... No it's not possible they can't do this!?

I immediately run inside the room and I can hear dad telling me not to but how can I not I love her I can't lose her This can't happen I won't let her!I rush inside to see her lying there with the most innocent face as I go next to her my tears start to fall on her pink cheeks and I say "Nara I love You Please Don't leave me! Forget about asking a daughter I won't ask u for anything please just come back to me don't leave me I can't live without you! You've become a vital part of my life, Please I'm begging you Nara!"

"My tears keep on falling that's when Nara opens her eyes And Suprise colours my face the doctor comes and tells me she fainted due to exhaustion And I feel embarrassed"

"The doctor tells me that The baby had a wonderful timing if she hadn't come out then they had to actually do it I'm soo happy that she's fine and the woman I love is fine"

"To be honest I feel like I have gone through sadness and happiness at the same time"

The princes congratulate me and the doctor comes asking all the princes to give blood for mc and I did of course I'm so happy that they did this for her I'm never gonna put her through this again I've learnt that You should cherish what u have sometimes it's good to take risk but not always"It's been A few months now from that day I am reading my book as usual while Nara is breastfeeding my baby girl"

Nara and I discussed the names for her we came with two names 1. Genevieve 2.GislleAlthough I would go for the first one the second one could be a nickname as well

Mc : I'm still thinking about another child

Guy : don't u dare I've already was on the verge to lose u i can't take anymore risks

Mc : seriously 😒Guy : yes that's it if u want another kid we can adopt there are many poor kids we can help them

Mc : 😒Well Your daughter is just like soo stubborn that she didn't come out until I was ont he verge of dying hmph

Guy : .... Well leave it will you Genevieve starts crying suddenly that's when I take her to the balcony

Nara : guy it's dangerous don't stand on the edge hold her tightly ok?

Guy : You worry alot I know I'm being very careful ( In fact I'm nervous I'm trying my best to hold her gently to make sure she doesn't feel hurt)"Look at the sky, she's stops crying immediately as I speak in a gentle tone it's pretty right? She replies ayayaahh Haha It's cute although she can't talk I feel like I can understand her very well"

~Meanwhile ~

Roc : Lucifer I'm tired Lucifer: grandfather I'm bored can u tell me more STORIES

ROC : ugh what did I get myself into geez if not for that baby

Lucifer: what are u talking tell me A STORY NOW!

Roc : right why don't we go look after ur sis Lucifer: sure ( a nice way to change topic not that I care my sis matters afterall)

Guy : dad what are u doing here?

Roc : came to look after my baby

Guy : when did she became ur baby huh?Roc : well I'll look after her u can look after Lucifer

Nara : right it's time for my boy to sleep mumma will tell ya a story

Lucifer: yess

Guy : how about we both look after her? Nara : well then good luck looking after my girl

Roc : i don't need luck I'll make her happy

Guy : u? Hah let's have compitition who makes my baby smile wins

Roc : sure!

Then here we have guy doing belly dance to make her laugh 😂 but doesn't work Roc trying make weird faces doesn't work either

Meanwhile

After 10 Mins

Lucifer: Maa I can't sleep without Genevieve.Nara: Oh alright let's go get her.

Nara : let me peek inside and see what they are doing!

Nara: 👁️👄👁️huh what are they doing??Laughing internally 😂Omg what did i just see i should never leave this father and son alone

That's when Lucifer enter the room

Guy : huh u haven't slept?

Lucifer: well I wanted to sleep besides my lil sis soo i came to take her, what are u guys doing acting like crazy

Nara : looks like they were trying to make her smile

Guy and Roc : .....

Lucifer: that's it? Imma show u how it's done! Lucifer goes near her and starts shaking her toy and teddy bear she immediately starts smiling

Lucifer: see it's that simple can't believe i actually saw u guys behaving like that are u guys really a royalty?

Nara : bursts into laughter

Guy and Roc : It's NOT SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT! Guy : How long have u been here Nara

Nara : well I've seen everything

Guy and roc 👁️👄👁️

Roc : well.... Im tired I'm leaving bye..Guy : huh dad wait it's u who started this...

Nara: "smirks" nice belly dance 😏

Guy : ......Lucifer: dad should go and perform infront of everyone hahah

Guy : shut up! After both the kids sleep

Nara : ahaha I Still can't believe what u just did!

Guy : would you shut up already I'm not gonna let you sleep today as your punishment!

Nara : Huh? I was just joking it's was funny so... Guy : yeah Funny imma show u what it means to not sleep

Nara : uh shit now what .....

Guy : You aren't going anywhere that's for sure "scary smirk"

Nara : Uh looks like I'm doomed!

Guy : huh you aren't laughing anymore?Nara : well it's you well.... Nevermind I'm sleeping

Guy : as if I'll let you?

Nara : Looks Like I can't escape, Fine

Guy : Well Look at U Nara : WhateverThat's how they spent their night.

~ To be Continued ~

𝑩𝒐𝒏𝒖𝒔 : Nara Gets Pregnant Again after 9 years When Genevieve Turns 9 although Unexpected Guy was surprised and he didn't want anymore kids but Nara said she wouldn't mind although guy was scared he knew she'll be fine which is why he allowed it, In her last stage the belly swells way larger than before which guy gets suspicious of, On the day of delivery Guy is blessed with a pair of Twins which could explain why her belly was bigger than before The pair of Twins are A Boy And A Girl! Guy's happiness knows no bounds and Nara is very happy While the older siblings are happy to look after the kids this story will told at later time.For Now Thanks This is the first Court Of Darkness FF I wrote, Thanks Again for the support!

Love Writer NK 💜