#maybe he actually said he spent WEEKS on it and he's going to write 10 tv plays a year from now on who knows

[dreamings-free]

Louis about LT3

a summary UPDATED 6/10/24

Sep 2022 first time Louis mentions a 3rd album. Louis is quoted in Euphoria Magazine saying: “Ideally, I’d like to try and write the next record before I go on tour next year. I want to do something similar to what I’ve done this past year.” (but from what we know now it seems it didn't play out that way..)

Sep 14th 2022 Louis leaves a comment on Faith In The Future co-writer Nico Rebscher's instagram post about Out Of My System saying "Can’t wait to do more on the next album!"

Jan 2023 Louis is on holiday in Cabo, Mexico and is spotted travelling with his guitar - maybe in case inspiration strikes!?

Feb 22nd 2023 Louis is seen "a tiny village with a recording studio in it". A few days later both Louis and Matt Vines likes an instagram post by Faith In The Future co-writer David Sneddon captioned "Spent the week at @ angelicstudiouk with friends and heroes." Another FITF co-writer Theo Hutchcraft is seen in one of the photos.

May 11th 2023 Louis tweets: "Also probably shouldn’t mention this so early in the process but I’m feeling really confident creatively, just finished a week of writing and it was unbelievable. Exciting!"

May 13th 2023 When asked about the next album at the LA screening of All Of Those Voices, he answered: “I recently just started, yeah. The majority have been my own, but some of the lyrics is less direct, so it’s maybe not quite as specifically about me but,I felt really fulfilled, the last couple of writing sessions I’ve done have been really, really good.”

Nov 23rd 2023 Louis gets asked about album 3 at the Rolling Stone UK Awards and is quoted saying: “It’s funny, I wrote maybe 4 or 5 tunes in one of the breaks of the tour legs, and actually, I just wanna spend a bit of time. I’m really excited for those songs, but I don’t know when the next records gonna come and the thing about me is when I start writing, I’m just desperate to release things as soon as a possible, so I wanna take a bit of time on this record. So when that might be, who knows.” He also talks a bit about potential collaborators and mentions DMA'S.

Jan 20th 2024 Louis follows producer James Ellis Ford who has worked with Arctic Monkey, Gorillaz and many, many more.

Jan 24th 2024 When asked in a twitter Q&A if he has "a concept in mind already for the next album?" his answer was: "Started drawing the outline in my head". He also told fans asking at the meet 'n' greet in Jakarta that it would be "soon, in my context of the word" 😜

Mar 30th 2024 At the Tecate Pa'l Norte press conference he said: “At the moment, um— to be honest, I haven’t really— the question was what I listen to which is a slightly different thing but; I haven’t really given the next record real thought yet. Obviously it’s been on my mind. But in terms of conceptually, or even finding references, I’m not really at that point yet because I’ve done a lot of touring— just kind of getting that out of the way before I really start thinking about that proper.”

April 4th 2024 He told Chilean radio station Bio Bio: “I have written a couple of songs, but when I was writing them I wasn’t thinking about what they would be for a new album, they were just written to give me something to write and not put pressure on those songs. But I think I will start the work on a new album at the end of this year, maybe.” futher elaborating to Radio Disney Chile: “The good thing about this record is I’m gonna have plenty of time to experiment and with that it gives you plenty of room to just kind of find where the edges of the record live. So yeah I’m looking forward to getting into the process, but like I said I’ve been loving touring at the moment so just been kind of sticking to that.”.

He also told Paraguayan radio station HEI Now: “Of course there’ll be a new album. When? I’m not overly sure. I think I’ll probably start writing at the end of the year. I just wanna let as much life in first and then I can really start emoting and writing.”

June 2024 In the FITF tour LatAm recap video posted to Louis’ instagram 25/6 he says: “At some point I gotta think about the next record, but.. I’m a bit scared of that, truthfully right now, feel like I’ve been enjoying the success of Faith in The Future for.. quite a while. And yes, it’s been the pressure of the shows but I delivered what I think was a good record and a record that was successful. So now going into the next cycle it’s a little bit.. a little bit tentative going into it. I know that’ll change once I get off the road and really start thinking about the essence of the record and the concept of the record and stuff like that. But right now.. yeah, I’m just thinking about the festivals, I’m excited for those.” (he also talks - in past tense about playing in Mexico City and about the upcoming Away From Home Festival, so we can assume this interview was done somewhere in early June)

August 4th 2024 Responding to a fan sign at Santander Music Festival that said "How close R we to the next album 1-5?" showing three - possibly four? - fingers! meaning the album is 3/5 (or 4/5?) done!

Oct 4th 2024 curious activity across Louis' socials; on twitter the header image was changed from the Louis Tomlinson : Live album graphic to just the cover image and the Faith In The Futuretweet was unpinned (like it was on Louis' insta 9/9). on Louis' instagram the bio text was cleared and the link to louist.lnk.to/live was also removed.

Oct 6th 2024 Louis replies to a fan on twitter asking if new music is coming with "Only been off tour 2 minutes. The next record is going to be my best yet but need chance to let life in first!"

tbc...

[avatar-anna]

Rumors

so...i've had this concept rattling around in my brain, but i had no idea how to write it, so i used pictures instead. i definitely want to do more, but tumnlr only allows 10 pictures a post, so here's to hoping i remember to come back to this in the future!

yourinstagram

liked by taylorswift and 67,530 others

yourinstagram: had a very cool dude over today to make even cooler music

yoursistersinstagram: you let someone in the bat cave?!

y/nfan5: possible collab on the new album?

yourinstagram: more like i was helping someone with theirs ;))

harrystyles: Thank you for having me. X.

harryfan3: HARRY???

harryfan7: omgomgomgomgomg

y/nfan1: pls god let us have a harry and y/n collab on his next album i NEED it

harrystyles

liked by gemmastyles, yourinstagram and 2,233,781 others

harrystyles: HS3. Coming soon.

harryfan8: NEW ALBUM ALERT

harryfan11: HARRY YOU CANT JUST DROP SOMETHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT A RELEASE DATE

harryfan4: this has to be what he was working on with y/n right?

y/nfan3: i need them both on a song together

yourinstagram: had fun late night talking with you xx

y/nfan9: i'm sorry wHAT

harryfan5: is this flirting this sounds like flirting

harryfan13: honestly...here for it

y/nupdates

liked by harryfan7 and 4,320 others

y/nupdates: Y/n in a video for Vogue recently!

"A lot of people ask me how Harry Styles ended up recording at my house when we'd virtually never crossed paths before. It was actually Taylor (Swift) who kind of set the whole thing up. They spoke at the Grammys last year and she apparently gave him my number so we could work together...He called and asked if I was available to help with his album at all. At the time I was on the road, then working on stuff for the band, and it just kind of went back and forth for a few months while we tried to line up our schedules. Then I was done touring, but I was kind of in a weird state in life where I didn't want to leave the house or hang out with anyone. And I remember making up excuses because I wasn't really up to making myself presentable to a whole team of people I'd never met before and having our first meeting be this huge thing. I'd basically built it all up in my head about how our ideas would clash and we wouldn't get along and I just kept telling him maybe some other time. Long story short, Harry showed up at my place a week later by himself with just a guitar, a notebook, and my favorite takeout order. We spent the whole day together working on a bunch of different stuff from themes to genres of music to sampling and mixing. And writing. Lots and lots of writing. And now he's a dear friend. He's so sweet and so talented. I wish him all the best with the new album."

y/nfan8: ok i'm glad it worked out and everything but imagine a virtual stranger showing up to your HOUSE?? like she said no and he basically forced her to write his album for her

y/nfan4: that's so real of her tbh to not want to leave her house

y/nfan2: y/n is notoriously introverted it makes sense

harryfan13: girl...

y/nfan7: i don't think it was that serious. and if she really didn't want him there she could've said no

harryfan13: and y/n literally called him a friend?? stop trying to start shit that doesn't exist

y/nfan7: of COURSE mother brought them together

harryfan17: i can't believe that's what harry and taylor were talking about in the video!

harryfan2: chill harry doesn't need to be in a relationship with every woman he's associated with

harryfan4: wait but wasn't y/n at that grammys too?

harryfan9: it was still covid it's possible their paths didn't cross

y/nfan19: wait what if he was too shy to go up to her??😭

harryfan4: i love that they're writing besties now but i think they'd be so cute together 🥹

hsupdates

liked by harryfan4 and 10,343 others

hsupdates: Harry about Y/n L/n for Rolling Stone:

"I've always admired (Y/n's) work. She and her band are incredibly talented, and are just so passionate about creating music. I wanted that same energy for my third album, the freedom to make whatever I want without any reservations, and I knew Y/n was the perfect addition to the team. It took some convincing, but once we kind of got started, we couldn't stop. As we've gotten to know each other these past few months, I not only respect her as a musician, but for the person she is as well. Her soul is one of a kind, and I feel like my album would be so different without her on it. So now not only do I have an album that I'm proud of and love, but I got an extraordinary friend out of it too."

harryfan9: so this is what people mean when they say platonic soulmates

y/nfan12: all we've gotten is crumbs and i'm already in love with their friendship. and the album of course

y/nfan2: i'm so interested to hear this album now. if y/n is on it it has to be good

harryfan3: "her soul is one of a kind?" if that's harry as a friend i don't think i can handle boyfriendrry😭

y/nfan7: i'm holding out hope for them honestly🤞🏼🤞🏼

liked by harrystyles and 23,724 others

yourinstagram

yourinstagram: you've fallen from the sky down to me, i see it in your face, i'm relief, i'm your summer girl

y/nfan17: shut up are those song lyrics??

yourbandinstagram: the tears behind your dark sunglasses, the fears inside your heart as deep as gashes🎶🎶

y/nfan17: HOLY SHIT those ARE lyrics!

y/nfan6: haven't even heard the song and i know the girls have done it again

harryfan4: could it...could it be about harry?

y/nfan8: you're grasping at straws

harryfan12: are they? they've been spotted together all over LA

harrystyles: ☀️☀️

y/nfan8: as friends. friends can hang out can't they?

harryfan3: new music from harry AND y/n? we're about to be fed y'all

harryfan10: THEY REALLY ARE BESTIES

y/nfan2: i bet they collaborated on this song together

Interviewer (I): What's one memory or experience you can share from making this album? Any trips to Japan or Jamaica?

Harry (H): We stayed in Los Angeles mostly for this one. But erm...in terms of a specific memory...I would say that while I was working with Y/n, one of the tracks was actually inspired by her cat.

I: Really?

H: Yeah. Whenever it did something to annoy Y/n, which was quite often, she'd call her a little freak. The song's obviously not about the cat, but the phrase was in my head and yeah. Things just kind of...snowballed from there.

I: The sound that Y/n's band has is more rock centric, a similar sound to your first album. Is that what we can expect for your third studio album?

I: You've become quite close to Y/n L/n it seems like.

H: Not necessarily. Y/n and I collaborated, but she also let me take the reins in terms of sound. She had opinions of course and we would bounce ideas off of each other...but she really just followed my lead and supported the vision I had. She is playing a majority of the instruments on the album, though.

H: It's hard not to.

I: How so?

I: It sounds like you could go on for quite some time about her.

H: She's just cool, you know? I was kind of intimidated when we met for the first time. She's quiet, but you never forget that she's in the room, you just want to go over and talk to her. Of course once you meet her she's incredibly kind and not at all intimidating, but still like chill and stuff. The first time we met we sat for an hour just talking about music we enjoyed and live shows we wanted to attend and things we learned while in lockdown. She's just effortlessly cool. An old soul, I guess. And somehow she translates that into her music. Her sisters, too. They're all just first-rate musicians.

H: Sorry. I kind of gushed for a minute there.

H: And the band. They're just so talented, you know?

harrystyles

liked by jeffazoff and 4,211,323 others

harrystyles: From start to finish, making this album has been such an incredible journey. It was so fun to try new things sonically while also making something that I'm one hundred percent proud of. I've never felt more myself while making music than I did while creating this album for all of you, and I have so many people to thank for that. Hopefully you know who you are. I love, love, love you.

harryfan16: 😭😭😭😭😭

harris_reed: little angel👼

harryfan3: WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU

yourinstagram: congratulations h. you deserve it.💐💐💐

harrystyles: I couldn't have done it without you💐

yourinstagram

liked by yourbandinstagram and 53,089 others

yourinstagram: for one night and one night only...but in all seriousness shout out to my friend and his incredible album. happy to have been a part of the magic :)))

harryfan13: HAPPY HARRY DAY!!!

harryfan4: is she in ny??

y/nfan7: yes! she was spotted with harry before the show today

harryfan9: they're literally so cute i love their friendship

harrystyles: You made the magic happen. Thank you for everything. X.

harryfan3: they're so...

y/nfan2: i genuinely think they like fucking with us bc i legitimately can't tell if they're dating or not

y/nfan7: at this point i don't even care i love whatever they're doing they both just seem so happy to be besties/lovers/collaborators and i love that for them

harryfan5: ^^

y/nupdates

liked by harryfan10 and 3,742 others

y/nupdates: Y/n performing Keep Driving onstage with Harry in NYC tonight at ONO!

y/nupdates: When he introduced her, he said: "Tonight is special in a lot of ways. I'm sharing my album with you for the first time, my family's here, my friends are here, and...a very good friend of mine is here to play a song with me tonight. This album wouldn't have been possible without her, so please give her as much love as you've given me. Y/n L/n, everybody!"

harryfan4: stop they're so close it hurts😭

y/nfan7: i was there they were staring at each other and smiling the whole time!

harryfan12: that's the one where he says choke her with a sea view!?

y/nfan7: YES AND I SWEAR HIS SMILE GOT BIGGER WHEN HE SANG THAT PART AND LOOKED AT HER LIKE HE FULLY HAD TO TURN AROUND TO LOOK AT HER BC SHE WAS PLAYING THE DRUMS

harryfan3: i'm choosing to believe they're in love idc what anyone else says

hs/ynupdates

hs/ynupdates: Harry, Y/n, and her sisters in New York after ONO tonight! Apparently Harry and Y/n were standing and walking very close to each other. Like arms wrapped around each other close.

harryfan2: that could literally mean anything tho. they're good friends why wouldn't they walk next to each other?

y/nfan14: i feel like they don't know if they're dating or not at this point😅

y/nfan8: her sisters are so unserious i love it

y/nfan5: i love that they all showed up for harry🥹

yourbandinstagram

liked by taylorswift, harrystyles and 710,225 others

yourbandinstagram: Thanks for having us, London!

y/nfan1: i can't believe i got to see harry and y/n perform in ONE NIGHT

harryfan3: sending my love and my tears to everyone who got to experience this historic night

harrystyles: Thank you for taking the time to share the stage with me. X.

yourbandfan2: how do y'all always look so good 😭

I: So you opened for Harry Styles a few weeks ago and performed a song with him in New York.

Y/n: My sisters and I did, yeah.

I: How did that come about? Did your team call his team? Or was it more casual than that?

Y/n: Oh, definitely more casual. I think we were just hanging out together one morning and he kind of just suggested it. No bells and whistles or anything like that.

I: So can we expect (Your band) to join Harry on his upcoming tour, then?

Y/n: I don't think so. We're working on putting out a record of our own at the moment, but we do want to get back out on the road soon, but I will definitely be attending more of his shows in the future.

I: And what can we expect from this upcoming record? Did Harry help you the way you helped him out?

Y/n: I've sent him a couple things to listen to, and I value his opinion a lot, both as a friend and as an artist. He also showed me a couple records recently which kind of influenced how I approached some of the songs sonically. He's got a huge vinyl collection at his house. I'm honestly kind of jealous.

I: There's been some rumors running around that you and Harry are in a romantic relationship. Would you like to put any of those rumors to rest?

Y/n: I could see where people might think that. Harry's very affectionate by nature, and over the last couple of months we've become very close. He's not just someone I admire in the music industry, but as a person in general. I feel incredibly lucky to call him a friend. And a close one, at that.

I: So just a friend then?

Y/n: Yeah. Yeah, just a friend.

[vioartemis]

Friends?

(Wednesday Addams x fem! reader)

Summary: One day, in the library, you catch Wednesday's attention... Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 Warnings: none a/n: expect a part 2, not proof read, it was in my drafts for like 3months now so I can't guaranty it's not awful (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

Wednesday pushed the library’s door and directly walked to the aisle she knew had the books she needed. After 10 minutes spent in said aisle, she let out a frustrated sigh; she couldn’t find the books, which meant someone either borrowed them already -which was unlikely, or the librarian forgot to put them back on the shelves.

Either way, it annoyed her.

Now she had to talk to the librarian to ask if the books were here, and it would probably take longer than necessary.

When she arrived at the desk with a blank expression, the woman was writing something on her computer, not sparing Wednesday a glance.

“I would like to borrow some books.” She said through gritted teeth, causing the librarian to look up

“What books?”

Wednesday put a piece of paper with the references of the books on the desk as an answer.

“Botanical curses & poisons, and The supernatural” the woman read out loud “You’re lucky, they’ve just got returned”

Wednesday raised an eyebrow. Even if she did think it could’ve happened, she was still surprised. She didn’t actually think anyone else would ever borrow these books. It wasn’t common seeing someone read that kind of books -or read at all. And usually Nevermore students only read the books in the school’s library.

She didn’t hear the door while she was in the aisle, which meant the person was still there. Maybe she had found a classmate with the same interests as her? Which didn’t mean she would try to befriend them, but it was always good to know.

“If you’re looking for the girl, she’s in the aisles over there” the librarian said, as she had already put the books on the desk

Wednesday looked at her, a frown on her face, but nodded once and grabbed the books.

She then walked to the aisles the woman talked about. And here you were, looking at the books on the shelves, reading the back of one while holding another in your arms; Royal art of poison. Wednesday had read that book before, she recognize it was a good one.

Her attention then shifted on your face, even if she could only see your profile. She was sure she never saw you at Nevermore. She usually had a good memory for that kind of things, so maybe you didn’t have classes in common.

After looking you up and down, she walked out of the building to go back to Nevermore.

On the way there, she couldn’t help but think if she had seen you in the hallways, she would’ve never thought you would read this type of books.

<><><><> ♡ <><><><>

The following week, Wednesday tried to find you in the school. Unconsciously at first, as she didn’t really care, but then it became more and more important to her as she couldn’t seem to see you. That frustrated her. You had to be somewhere.

And yet she couldn’t find you.

She always got what she wanted, it was unusual for her to ‘fail’. So naturally, she decided to go back to the library.

When she did, she wandered in the aisles, looking for you. Unsuccessfully. It was like you didn’t even exist.

She felt like she was losing her mind, and it wasn’t as fun as she anticipated.

Just as she was about to go back in the aisle she saw you in for the first time, she saw Thing out of the corner of her eye. He was pointing a nearby aisle, signaling you were in there.

You were indeed in the aisle, looking at the books on the shelf in front of you. Venomous was already in your hands. A book about earth’s deadliest creatures… Wednesday thought.

Then your hand rose up to pick up another book; The Black Dahlia.

Now Wednesday was really interested by you. She never met anyone who knew about her favorite unsolved murder case, let alone read about it.

She took some step closer to you and grabbed a book on the shelf.

“You might as well read this one, if you’re interested in the Black Dahlia case.” she said as she handed you the book

You gave her a surprised look, not expecting anyone to recommend you any books in that section, let alone about this case.

“Oh, thanks” you grabbed the book “Do you know much about this case?”

“Of course, for it is my favorite unsolved murder. How come you know about it?”

“I saw a documentary on tv yesterday. Just thought I’d read some more about it. It seems to be a very interesting case” you explained

“Indeed.” A little pause “So what are you? Werewolf? Siren? Psychic?”

You frowned, confused as to why she would ask that.

“Are you from Nevermore?” you asked

“Are you not?”

You shook your head.

“I’m at Jericho High, sadly”

“‘Sadly’?”

You nodded.

“There’s a bunch of idiots there. Like- a whole bunch. I don’t really fit in. They’re all about social medias, hating on outcasts for no reason”

Wednesday looked at you, waiting for you to continue and explain yourself.

“I prefer books, even if I have to admit that scrolling on Pinterest while listening to music can be addicting. As for outcasts… I’ve always been interested in them, especially vampires. But I mean- every ‘class’ of outcasts I read about was interesting”

The raven took a moment to think about what you just said.

“It’s unusual to see a normie who doesn’t hate outcasts. Are you sure you’re a normie?”

“Pretty sure, yeah”

She looked you up and down after that, analyzing you. You seemed to be honest, she didn’t sense any hostility coming from you.

The following days, Wednesday caught herself thinking about your conversation, and by extension, about you. As much as it pained her to admit, something in you attracted her. Or at least made her ant to know more about you, which led her to the library once again.

This time, you were sitting at a table, reading another book about poisonous plants, some other books stacked next to you.

“Are you planning to murder someone?” she asked as she sat on the chair facing you

“Holy shit…! Do you make a habit out of scaring people?” you asked, half joking, a hand on your chest after her voice made you jump

“It’s more of a hobby. Who is going to be your victim?”

“No one!” you chuckled, once your heartbeat calmed down a bit “I’m just trying to find information about Aconitum, like where it grows, etc”

“Why?”

“I want to experiment with it myself, simple curiosity” you shrug

So you did want to poison someone. Interesting. She thought.

“No, no, I can guess what you’re thinking. I’m not trying to kill anyone. But you never know when that kind of information can be useful”

“Indeed.” she nodded, even if she was a bit disappointed

“And if I did want to kill someone, I would probably use something else like Nightshade or the Nerium Oleander -but I’d have to find some first” you added “Anyways, I need to go, I have class… See you later, maybe?”

Wednesday looked at you as you packed your things and left the library, not without putting the books back on their shelves. You definitely had a little something that made her look forward to the next time she would be in your company. That thought surprised her; she usually wasn’t one to seek others’ company.

She stayed sat at the table for a few minutes, lost in thoughts, before standing up almost abruptly. She walked to the door and was about to leave, when the librarian called her.

“Hey, wait a sec!”

Wednesday turned to face the woman who got out from behind her desk. She handed something.

“What is that?”

“A micro-cassette recorder. It must have fallen from your friend’s bag when she left. I thought you could give it back to her”

“She’s not my friend.” Wednesday said blankly but took the object anyways

The librarian rolled her eyes at the smaller girl and went back to her desk while Wednesday left the library, putting your recorder in her backpack.

“What’s that?”

Wednesday looked up from her typewriter; Enid was holding the recorder.

“A micro-cassette recorder.” she simply said “Put it back where it was, Enid.”

“Oooh what are you doing with it? Recording podcasts? I thought your thing was novels” the blonde continued, not listening

“‘My thing’ is novels.”

“Then what’s on this recorder?”

Before the raven could say anything else, the werewolf pressed the play button.

“Okay… Is it recording? Ah, yes, the numbers are moving. Okay okay… um… Where do I even start? God I must look so dumb talking to that thing… Anyways. Uh… Day 1 of research on outcasts, I guess? Is that how they do in movies?”

The recorder stopped playing, for Wednesday had pressed the button again, taking it from Enid’s hands.

“Whose voice is that? It’s not yours”

“Of course not. It’s…” she paused, looking for the right words “… it belongs to someone I met at the library.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about her?? I want to know everything!”

“There’s nothing to say.”

“Why do you have her recorder then?”

“She forgot it. I just keep it until I can give it back.”

“Hmhm, sure”

Enid said with a big smile, before going back to her activities: laying on her bed and scroll on Instagram, probably. The other girl watched her do so, then went back to her writing, putting the recorder on her desk.

After half an hour of peaceful writing, she heard Enid tell her she was going in Yoko’s dorm for whatever gossip session they had every week. From the corner of her eye, Wednesday saw the recorder move closer to her.

Thing was pushing it in her direction.

“What is it?”

“Don’t you want to hear more?” Thing signed

“I wouldn’t like it if anyone read my novel without asking me first.”

“But you’re curious”

“… Of course.”

“Listen to it then! Maybe you’ll be able to help her. She seems nice, she won’t get upset” Thing signed quickly, almost as curious as Wednesday to hear your research

“Fine. Give it to me.”

Thing pushed the recorder further so she could grab it. She did, and pressed play again, but not after a glance at Thing.

“A word to Enid and I’ll snap all your fingers.”

“Hmhm… so I borrowed this book in Jericho’s library about outcasts -I’m surprised they have books about that considering the way they see them. I think it was a pretty interesting book!”

Wednesday listened to what you had to say on that book, then fast-forwarded to a bit later on the record.

“… lost count of the days at this point. It’s crazy how I can’t find anything more than what I already read! It’s like normies’ knowledge about outcast is only the basics -not to say the clichés. God, I wish I was at Nevermore. I’m sure they have sooo much more books there. Not only about outcasts, but about poisonous plants as well!”

The raven was about to stop listening when you started speaking again.

“Oh, yesterday, I met a girl at the library! She advised me to read a certain book about The Black Dahlia case. She said she was from Nevermore. Well, she didn’t deny it. I wonder what’s her gift… But it’s a weird question to ask, isn’t it? I bet she knows lots of outcasts if she studies there…  of course she does, what I am even saying?”

The record stopped by itself after that.

Wednesday had the tiniest smile on her face. You were smart, that she had noticed when you first talked, yet hearing you speak freely like that made you sound so clumsy. You were passionate, that was for sure.

“Thing, do you think you can find her quickly?”

A knock on your bedroom window caught your attention. Your stopped what you were doing and opened it. To your surprise, a hand -without a body- ran (?) in your room.

You looked at it, mouth agape, certainly not expecting that.

“Hi…?” you said hesitantly

The hand stopped on your desk and starting signing.

“I uh… don’t speak sign language… sorry”

The hand paused, as if it was sighing.

“You can… hear me?” you asked, surprised

It gave you a thumbs up as an answer, before showing its palm to you. A message was written on it with a marker: ‘You forgot your recorder at the library. Call me.’ Followed by a phone number.

 “Thank you”

You said while typing the number on your phone, before calling it.

On the other side, Wednesday was waiting in front of Enid’s computer. She remembered how to use it from last time Enid told her. When she saw you were calling, she pressed the spacebar to pick up.

She certainly didn’t expect to see you with Thing on your shoulder.

“Hi!” you said with a smile “So you found my recorder? I was afraid someone random found it…” you paused “Your room is… more colorful that I would’ve imagined”

“It’s my roommate’s side.” Wednesday frowned, a bit offended you could think she would decorate her room this way

“Oh. What does your side looks like then?”

She turned Enid’s computer to show you -quite proudly.

“Ohh it’s nice! Wait- you have a typewriter?? That’s so cool! Like the overall decoration”

Thing typed lightly on your shoulder.

“Oh, yes, sorry. He’d like me to drive him back to Nevermore. Which I can understand, it’s a bit far away… So, we were wondering if you could open a window or something? I don’t think your principal would appreciate if someone from outside came without permission”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. Let’s say it’s for keeping my recorder safe, that way we’re even” you smiled

Wednesday nodded, and said she would open their window, just before your parents called you from downstairs, asking who you were talking to. While you were answering them, Thing gave the raven a thumbs up.

Of course it was your plan all along, bringing her here… she thought, a slight smile forming on her lips again. Well played.

After going out by your bedroom window, took your bike, put Thing in the little basket attached to the handlebar, and started making your way to Nevermore. On the way there, you talked with Thing; he used your phone to type and made it read the text out loud so you could hear.

When you arrived at Nevermore’s gate, you left your bike against the low wall near the entrance. To your surprise, the gate wasn’t closed -which was a good thing. You got on the school’s territory, walking silently to the school itself.

You had only ever seen it in pictures, and you had to admit, it was way cooler to see it for real.

Thing tapped your shoulder, bringing you back to reality, and pointing at a big round window with a metallic spider web on it. It was probably the dorm you had to reach.

“You could’ve told me it was on the fourth floor…”

You examined the architecture of the school, before cracking your knuckles and starting to climb.

“If I fall… I hope I won’t break too many bones”

After what seemed like an eternity, and three times almost falling, you finally reached the balcony. You took a moment to lay there, catching your breath, Thing patting your arm reassuringly.

He then disappeared inside and came back with the raven right as you were standing back up.

“Thing said you were hurt.” Wednesday said, her eyes shifting from your face to your hands, bruised by the climbing

“Oh, it’s okay. I’ve done rock-climbing with my parents before, I’m used to it”

“… If you say so.” she paused, and handed you your recorder

“I almost forgot about it” you chuckled, taking it from her hands and putting it in a pocket of your vest “Thank you”

Wednesday nodded. You did the same, as a goodbye, and were ready to go back home, when she spoke again.

“If you want more books about outcasts or something else…” she stepped forward and gave you a piece of paper “… let me know.”

You took the paper and opened it. Another phone number. You had guessed the previous one wasn’t hers, and according to what Thing told you, she never used the phone some guy gifted her.

You smiled and put the paper in your pocket.

“Thank you”

You were about to leave, but you remembered something.

“You never told me your name”

“Neither did you.”

“I’m Y/n. Y/n L/n”

“Wednesday. Wednesday Addams.”

“It was nice seeing you, Wednesday” you smiled “It’s probably going to sound weird… But I enjoy your presence, I feel understood. I hope we’ll be good friends. Anyways, good night!”

With that, you climbed down the wall, disappearing from her field of view.

Wednesday looked at the sky; it was dark, lots of clouds, but the moon was still visible behind them. It even illuminated the raven’s face.

Thing tapped in her direction.

“I only tolerate her presence. Don’t imagine things.”

More tapping, and what looked like he was rolling his eyes.

“One more word and you’re locked in the drawer until I decide otherwise.”

Thing saw it as the sign to go back inside, not wanting to risk it.

When she was alone on the balcony, Wednesday’s eyes shifted to your small form while you were getting on your way home.

Her little smile was back, that smile which was so unusual to see on her face, that only the people she really cared about ever saw.

Friends, hm? I suppose that’s what we are.

[Next part]

[pixeldistractions]

I said I wanted an adventure:

And oh boy, life delivered. Sadly, it won’t be the airplane adventure we were planning. That’s going to be postponed for a little while.

Warning: walls of text and real-life shit. (Serious wall of text, I’m not even joking.)

Long story short, hubby was laid off from the job that has kept us in a cushy living for the past fifteen years, the job that has given me the luxury of being 85% a stay-at-home mom to both of my kids in their younger years. We kind of saw it coming, and we’re not totally scared. He got a severance package and health insurance for six months. On my end, my books don’t make much money, but I’m telling you, I am a squirrel when it comes to money, mine and his, and I’m not bad at investing. We’ll be okay for a bit.

So, I’m not scared. Yet. But wow, how things can change in the blink of an eye.

For one, we’ll probably move. I don’t know where. The timing is kind of miraculous, with one child graduated and one not yet in kindergarten, we’re free to go wherever we please right now. It was never my dream to move to northern Virginia in the first place. It’s hot and muggy here, and the people are transient, snobby, and kind of boring. My vote is to move back home to Michigan, but when it comes to the bottom line, we gotta pay the bills, so we’ll go wherever he finds work next. He is talented and I know he’ll find work again, but where and what and for how much is up in the air. All I know is northern Virginia is expensive af and we can’t stay here for long if he’s not earning what he did before.

And I don’t really want him to take another corporate job? Not now, in our forties, having spent ALL of our fucks. I’m not sorry he did that kind of work before, because it was a good financial decision for our family, but it wasn’t always fun. He found it stressful and soulless. Unlimited vacation time, haha, as long as you keep your nose to the grindstone and keep your lips ready for the ass-kissing. Anyway.

So we could be elsewhere, and that would be totally okay by me. I don’t want to stay here. I want to move back home to Michigan. My heart sings for it. My whole family is there. The lakes, the forests, the arts, the farms. I’d cash out our investments to buy some land and a modest house in as much cash as we can. And I’ll have some chickens and goats and tomato plants (because it’s the only thing I could ever get to grow). It’s not out of the question. On the other hand, sometimes families in our situation try and try and are still out of work after a couple years, and that nest egg chips away and dwindles to nothing, especially now and especially in the tech field like he is with layoffs everywhere, especially after 6 months when health insurance premiums come due. Yay, America!

So, I don’t know anything about my future right now. Is that scary, or exciting? Both maybe? For now, for the next few months/year, I don’t think very much will change on my end except the timing. I was talking a couple weeks ago about feeling the call to get back to publication writing. I was planning to get serious about it soon, and very serious about it next school year when my youngest is in full-day kindergarten. (He has one more year of preschool first.) But, hey, I guess maybe now would be a better time to hustle some fiction for cash? Granted, I’m still mostly a full-time caregiver to a four-year-old with needs, and those short preschool days fly by. Also considering sick days and snow days, little kids aren’t actually in school very much at all. But I am itching to get back to work, I’m feeling that call, and now it’s also more of a necessity that I work smart (for money) with my little 10-15 hours a week of free time.

As for the state of my blogs and sims stories… Well, it was a pure luxury to be able to sit on my butt and work on Sims stories when my kid went to preschool for three hours a day, 3-5 days a week. It was a privilege—one that I have now lost. Life happens, and things change. It is what it is. And now it’s not really responsible for me to spend all of my free time writing stories of this scope for freebies.

Boxes and Squares is only halfway finished, and the second half is just as large as the first. It took me over a year to complete what I have so far. And where we’re at now, it’s such a special part of the story, an important turning point and the culmination of a lot of things. I was very much looking forward to it. But it’s also LONG. Simming the whole thing would take a lot of time that I don’t have to spend anymore. But I think I’ve come up with a way to not totally quit.

I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I always hoped to bring this story to books someday. I always wondered if it might be better suited to the general book fiction/literary market. It’s floundering here on Simblr. Five, dear, beloved people were reading it. I love you guys. But why did it never catch on in all this time? I could never really figure out why it was so invisible here. Maybe the pictures were ugly. Maybe the conflict was too tame. Not enough vampires? Not enough guns or murder? Never learned to use ReShade properly? Does my breath stink? Maybe I don’t really want to know the answer in the end.

It’s meant for other things, if anything at all. Maybe nothing at all, but who knows. Maybe it’ll find its niche someday elsewhere. I love this story (why, oh why do I love it so?), and I can’t quit it. I couldn’t quit if I tried. The story of these wandering misfits is so personal and interesting to me, and I need to see it through to the end.

I have to say, with certainty now, I’ll finish it out in books. I’ve already started tinkering with the first few chapters of a newly imagined beginning. And oh, it’s sparkling! It begins with a reimagined work field trip scene, with Jordan and Maria on a soggy farm in the cold rain. I don’t know if it’ll do well in the general book market, but I can say I have had fun drafting it here and I will have fun finishing it out in books. I always wanted to try a series format story in books. It’s looking like it’ll be about 8-9 novella/short-novel sized chunks. Anyone who was reading here will get free ebook copies, of course. Hell, if I ever meet you in person, I’d hand you a signed paperback, too. Shipping fees are a bitch, though, or else I’d mail them.

As I’ve been picking at these book drafts the past couple weeks, I’m quickly remembering how freeing it is to write in full text. Not having to compromise my vision according to what I might be able to do in game or with poses, not having to fight with game glitches and crashes and broken mods before I can even begin the work. The words do as I tell them to, and nothing is off limits if I have the words to describe it! Returning to that feels quite magical. I might be a little rusty at this after so many years away, but I remember how it goes. Muscle memory, decades of practice, so much trial and error under my belt already. I know what I’m doing here. It’s comfortable and it’s good.

But I was so excited to share book 5. I really, truly was. It contains some of my favorite scenes in the whole story! I’m sad to leave the story hanging where it is, even though, perhaps, if you look at it just right, chapter 4.5 did offer some resolution for the story to land on.

So, to the five of you who were reading my story and do care, thank you for reading this thing! Your likes and comments meant the world to me as I poured my heart and soul into this quiet little story. And I hope this compromise will work for everyone. And if it doesn’t, I’m sorry.

Which is not to say I’m going to abandon the sims entirely. I’ve been playing sims since 2003 and writing sims stories since 2008. I love seeing my characters and their world visually. In a way, it’s been an outlet for the sad reality that I’ll never be able to draw a graphic novel, lol!

So you’ll still see my sims from time to time. Updates won’t come as frequently as I was able to do before. It will look different, but I’d love to keep my timeline puttering along, if I can. You’ll see gameplay shenanigans and maybe some mini stories. Even B&S characters, you’ll still see them on here, going about their lives. I couldn’t stop it if I tried. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be playing my sims just as I have since I discovered Sims 1. And maybe in a couple years, when my youngest is in school full time and our financial situation will have hopefully settled, I might be able to do another hefty sims story again. But for now, things will be different. Life happens, and things change.

I’m still going to finish “Miserable Ghost Story,” too, which is a traditional stand-alone novel. And I have many more WIPs than that to finish. I have another old dear novel that I’ve been picking at for 20 years that I’d like to see the light of day sometime. I have a couple more spin-offs from the EWTF and F&B set, too. It’s in my best interest to buckle down and finish all the WIPs I can. I have so many of them, after all. Earn three bucks a copy, invest it and turn it into ten. That’s my game. I was a finance major in college for a hot minute before I became an English major. I can be artsy-fartsy and business-minded all at once.

All this to say, regretfully, stories will not return in mid-August as I had planned. But they will return eventually, in some shape or form, as soon as I can settle my brain from the spinning. And, I guess, update my game and mods for the new pack.

And if there’s any luck in the world, maybe next year I’ll be living on Lake Michigan, writing my stories, taking care of my kids and acres of property and maybe some goats. Goat cheese and romance novels, isn’t that the dream? Graciously accepting any prayers or well wishes, please and thank you!

[writing-till-i-am-dead]

Laigan oneshot - Date night

Recommended by Only_Stxr on AO3 <3

When Logan and Aiden had started dating, no one expected it. The two didn’t really hang out or talk to specifically just each other when they were all as a group. 

However, as it turns out, the two have been texting a lot. Even calling, something Logan is terrified to do. 

Calling wasn’t so scary with Aiden, though. They like to face time and Aiden just rambles while Logan does some studying. It’s nice. 

“And that’s why banana candy doesn’t taste like actual bananas!” Aiden said, concluding a hyperspecific topic he knows a strange amount of details on. 

“Interesting! Didn’t know you knew so much about horticulture. Maybe you should work for my grandparents.”

“If I could see more of you, sure!”

Logan went quiet. 

“Logan, are you flustered again?”

“Um… s-so, how’s your homework going?”

“Finished it all already.”

Logan chuckled. “Where do you get the time?”

“Magic.”

“Ha..”

The two go silent for a moment, only filled by the writing of Logan’s fountain pen.

“So, Starshine, are you busy tomorrow?”

Logan snorted at the nickname. Aiden had started calling him that when they watched the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The name just kind of stuck. 

“Tomorrow? Um.. I’m working at my grandparents’ shop from 11-4. Why?”

“I wanna have a date!”

Logan jolted from his desk so fast that papers fell. “A date?”

“Ya! A proper one! We haven’t gotten to do that yet.”

“I…” He fiddled with the strings of his pajama pants. “Where would we go..?”

“The amusement park I was thinking!”

“Oh.. like.. rollercoasters, or..?”

“YEA!”

“Oh..”

“Don’t worry. I’ll let you hold my hand so you won’t get scared.”

“Aha.. all right. As long as we go on the ferris wheel.”

“Of course!”

There was a pause before Aiden speaks. 

“So, I’ll see you at 4:30 tomorrow?”

“Ya. I’ll see you.”

“Prepare to have lots of toys won for you!”

“Aiden, my stuffed animal collection is already huge!” Logan said, laughing. 

“Well, tell them to prepare for some new friends.”

He snorted. “Good night Aiden. I’ll see you in the phantom world.”

“Hardly,” he whined. “Too busy fighting and stuff.”

“Go to sleep.”

“Fine.”

Logan hung up because he knew that if he waited for Aiden to do it, they’d be on the phone for another 10 hours. 

Aiden was definitely right about them not getting to hang out in the phantom world. But that’s not too surprising. It’s always like this. Aiden usually has to do checkups on the base and Logan has to do patrols. 

“So, you and Logan are dating?” Taylor asks, walking with Aiden. 

“Yep! 3 weeks and 4 days!”

“That’s so cute! I had no idea you guys liked each other!”

“Well, yknow, Logan’s pretty shy and I’m respectful enough to not embarrass him.”

“Aww. You can be sweet when you want to, Aiden.”

“I’m always sweet!”

The two continued with their jobs and eventually the next day came. Logan was up bright and early like he always was. Went on his morning walk, feeding the neighborhood cats, making breakfast for his grandparents, and getting ready for his work. His normal morning routine. 

Aiden was awake ever since he woke from the phantom world. He rarely ever falls back asleep after that. He played Minecraft until the sun came through. Ben had walked in on him and gave him a concerned look before bringing him to the living room to have him do morning stretches with him. Ben did these every morning. Then Aiden ate the sugariest cereal ever to get his day started and debated opening a Red Bull, but decided not to yet. 

Then he spent the rest of his day being stuck in waiting mode. That’s his struggle. Everytime he’s doing something later in the day, he has trouble doing anything else. All he can do is really stare at the clock. 5 minutes feel like 5 hours and it’s like being stuck in limbo. 

He tried to pass the time by playing GTA and Call of Duty, but he still checked the clock every 10 minutes. 

Finally, it got to 4:00. He changed out of his pajamas, which he had been wearing all day, into a black t shirt, jeans, converse, and a hoodie.

“Hey, Ben, I’m going to be heading out!” Aiden said as he started walking to the door. 

Ben got up and stopped him. 

“Huh? What?” Aiden looked confused, tilting his head.

Ben pulled out a box of chocolates and then handed Aiden a note. 

At least give your date a gift. 

Aiden laughed, taking them. “I was going to win him tons of prizes.. but, chocolates aren’t a bad idea. Thanks, Ben.”

He then started walking to the amusement park. One of the perks from moving from the city to a small town? You can walk everywhere. And enjoy the scenery too! Lots of trees and grass. Neighbors already had Halloween decorations hung up. It was cool to see it all. It wasn’t something he was used to. 

He finally reached the amusement park and there he saw Logan in the front. He was wearing a cobalt blue sweater that made him look so huggable. Then again, Logan always looked huggable. And the best part is that Logan lets him hug him!

So, the first thing he did was wrap his arms around him, startling Logan who had not seen Aiden. 

“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” he said, grasping at his heart. 

“Hey to you too, Starshine!”

Logan shook his head and stopped shaking from the scare. “I got you your ticket,” he said, handing it to Aiden. 

“Thanks! And I got you chocolate!”

“Oh.. thanks.”

“What? What’s the face?”

“Just.. wasn’t expecting it. Now I feel bad. I didn’t get you anything.”

“You gave me your presence. That’s good enough.”

The two grasped hands and went in. 

“Oh wow.. it absolutely packed,” Logan said, trying to sound like he’s joking but his voice is still very tense.

“Ya, no kidding. Cmon, let’s look for the shortest line!”

“Ah, w-wait!”

Aiden dragged Logan off to explore the fairgrounds. 

“C-can we stop running?” Logan exclaimed. 

“Huh?” Aiden came to a sudden halt; causing Logan to crash into him, the two nearly falling. 

“Sorry!” Aiden said, laughing his ass off as he smooshed Logan’s face with his hands. “You’re not hurt, right?”

“No.. I’m fine,” Logan says awkwardly. 

“Kay!”

He glances over and see a booth selling some AWESOME stuffed animals. Huge, fluffy ones. 

“Oh. My. Gosh. Logan, I’m gonna win you that prize!” 

Logan follows his finger and sees him pointing toward a giant shark stuffed animal. It was actually kind of perfect. It was really derpy looking. Plus, Aiden and Logan have both been hyperfixating on ocean life recently, going in long rambles about what they had learned and theories about the deep. 

“Um.. ok,” Logan said, smiling excitedly as he followed Aiden to the booth. 

They stood in line for a couple of minutes, during those minutes, Aiden did cool hand tricks, like clasping his hands, bringing his middle fingers downs, and twisting his hands. Logan laughed. It was such a simple trick, yet Aiden’s face was so silly as he did it that he couldn’t help but find it hilarious. Aiden always managed to make things really funny. 

Finally, it was their turn. Aiden slapped a dollar onto the table and picked up the water gun. “Ok, lemme just..” Aiden took a moment to finally aim and shot the water into the clown’s mouth, the balloon slowly filling up. But Aiden’s hands had trouble staying still, causing him to get off track and eventually he ran out of time. 

“Huh?! No!! Let me try again!”

Aiden tried at least 3 more times, failing those as well. 

“Nooooo!!!”

“Sir,” said the man at the booth. “Please hurry up and give someone else a turn.”

“Nooooo!”

Logan smiles nervously and places a dollar on the stand. “May I try?”

The man shrugs. “Go on ahead, kid.”

Logan picks up the water gun and closes one eye as he aims. Once he finds the perfect position, his muscles completely locked together, the only thing that moved was when his finger pulled the trigger, the water shooting straight forward, not moving at all. 

The balloon popped right before the alarm. 

“Hey, good job,” said the man.  “Which prize do you want?”

“I’ll take the shark.”

Once Logan was handed the shark, he turned to Aiden, smiling. Aiden’s jaw was on the floor and blushing like an idiot. “I.. always forget how good an aim you are,” Aiden says after composing himself, taking the shark and burying his face into it. “So soft!!”

Logan laughs. “Where do you wanna go now?”

Aiden’s eyes shone and he smiled mischievously. “Roller. Coaster.”

“Oh dear.”

“It’s ok! I’ll make sure you can stay safe and sound!”

“That’s.. not exactly the point.”

“Haha, cmon!!”

The two got in line for a rollercoaster that was called the FUCK YOU IF YOU’RE SCARED OF ROLLERCOASTERS, BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T RIDE THIS ONE, YOU’RE LAME AS HELL. 

The name of it definitely made Logan not feel great about himself. 

“Uh, sir, you can’t go on with such a big stuffed animal,” said the ride operator. 

Aiden hissed, actually hissed, which made Logan snort, and pressed the shark to his chest. 

“It goes where I go.”

“Well.. since it’s the size of a human, you and your buddy will have to go in two different seats.”

“H-huh?!” they both exclaimed. 

The ride operator shrugged and Aiden hesitated before reluctantly handing it to her. “Guard it with your life,” he said in a threatening tone, which actually managed to freak the operator out a little. 

The two got in their seat, Logan shaking and grabbing Aiden’s arm. 

“This is going to be so fun!” Aiden said at the same time as Logan said, “This is going to be terrifying!”

The speaker went over some rules to stay safe on the ride, then there was a count down, then started to slowly move. 

Logan began breathing fast, shaking uncontrollably. Fuck. He’s literally fought against demonic-like creatures. Why is this affecting him so bad?

He felt Aiden squeeze his hand. “It’ll be ok, Starshine,” he says before giving him a big, toothy smile. 

Logan squeezed Aiden’s hand so hard, Aiden was sure he would have some broken bones. 

Finally, they reached the peak. Logan sucked in a sharp breath and screamed as they dove down at top speeds. 

Aiden was whooping and cheering and laughing, throwing his hands into the air while still holding Logan’s hand. 

The wind was overwhelming and Logan used his other hand to keep his glasses in place. Fuck, he should’ve taken them off before getting on!

Once the ride came to a stop, Aiden was laughing and kicking his legs giddily. “Oh my gosh, that was awesome!!”

He hopped off and helped Logan get off; who was shaking like a leaf. “You ok, Lo?” he asks, laughing, concerned. 

“You owe me a Ferris wheel ride..” he grumbles, looking down and trying not to throw up. 

“Haha! Yes, I do. Cmon. Let’s go get something to eat, first.”

“Hnghhh…”

Aiden retrieved his shark and they went over to the food court. 

“Oh, it all smells so good!”

“Hmmmm…” Logan whimpers slightly, the idea of eating sounds awful. 

“You good?”

“I just need to.. sit down..”

“Right..” They sat down at a bench, Aiden rubbing Logan’s back while Logan had his face buried in his hands. 

“You feeling any better?” Aiden asks. 

Logan shakes his head, his face buried in the stuffed animal.

Aiden nearly frowned, but stopped himself. “Wait here.”

He got up and quickly ran to a booth. It was just a ball throw to knock over some cans. Easy as hell. “Um, here,” Aiden says, putting some money on the stands. He won with ease, knocking over every can. 

“I want that toy,” Aiden says. 

As he walked off, he also stopped to grab a water. 

When he comes back, he spots Logan. 

“Hey, Starshine..”

“Hm?” Logan looked up. Aiden handed him a water, which he quickly downed. 

“I also got you this.” He held up the stuffed down. A star with a pair of sunglasses on. 

“Pffft.. silly,” Logan says, taking the toy and squeezing it. 

“Does it make you feel better?”

“I think the water is making me feel better.”

“Aaaand the toy?”

He snorted. “And the toy.”

Aiden ruffles Logan’s hair and Logan finally starts to feel better. “Let’s go on the Ferris wheel,” he says, standing up. 

Aiden takes the shark plushie and nods. “Kay!”

They walked through the fair grounds and got in line. 

“I think our stuffed toys are dating,” Aiden says confidently. “They are super in love.”

“They don’t even have names, Aiden.”

“Ok.. mine is… CHAZ!”

“Chaz the shark? All right. And I’ll name mine.. Spock!”

Aiden laughs. “Of course.”

Finally it was their turn. Aiden decided that one side of the Ferris wheel, the stuffed animals could have that bench. 

“Like they’re on a date!”

Logan ducks his head and smiles a little. “You’re just doing that so we can sit on the same bench, aren’t you?”

“Haha.. I am not slick, huh?”

“Not really,” he says, laughing. 

The two sat next to each other, Aiden hugging Logan tightly. Logan rests in the hug for a moment before twisting a little to look out the window. 

“Not many stars..” he murmurs. “Curse you light pollution..”

Aiden also looks out the window. He notices Logan’s disappointment. “Is that why you wanted to go in the Ferris wheel? To star gaze?”

“Maybe.. it sounded romantic.”

“Hmmm…” Aiden rests his chin on Logan’s shoulder, looking out the window on his side before turning to look out his own. By the lights from the fair were too bright. He squints, trying his best to find something before jumping up. “Logan! Logan!”

“Huh?”

Logan turns and looks at the sky through Aiden’s window. 

“I don’t see anything..”

“A shooting star!!”

Logan squints and then spots it before smiling. “That’s.. a plane, Aiden.”

“Oh..” Aiden looks down, smiling but clearly embarrassed. 

Logan leans in and kisses his temple. 

“Nice try, though.”

“O-oh!” Aiden exclaims, not expecting the kiss. “That was..” He rubs the spot. “A very welcome surprise.”

Logan smiles shyly and the two grasp hands. Logan liked how Aiden could be so casual sometimes. He knew that Aiden was probably screaming on the inside, but he was able to remain somewhat level headed for Logan’s sake.. somewhat. Logan could feel Aiden shaking from buried excitement. 

“Hey.. Aiden. Wanna come to my place?”

“Huh?”

“We can watch Interstellar! I’ve been wanting to get you to watch it.”

“Ya, sure! I’d love to.. wow.. it’ll be the first time we’ll be hanging out at one of our places alone. Excitinggggg!” he says, shaking Logan by the shoulder. 

The ride comes to an end and they grabbed their stuffed animals and stepped off. “The air has really cooled off,” Logan said, shivering slightly. “Guess it is that time of year. Should’ve worn a thicker sweater.”

“I have been waiting my whole life for this.”

“Huh?” Logan turns to Aiden to ask what he was talking about but his eyes widened when he saw him removing his hoodie. 

“What are you doing?! You’re gonna catch a cold!”

“I’m durable, remember?”

“Aiden, seriously. I’ll be fine.”

Aiden shakes his head and puts it on Logan. “There we go.”

“Are you not cold?”

“Lo, I’m like a heater. It’s a Clark family trait. I’ll be fine.”

“Fine.. at least hold my hand to keep those warm.”

“Ohhh, that was smooth,” Aiden says, taking Logan’s hand. 

“I wasn’t even trying to be smooth.. I guess I just got lucky.”

The two grasp hands and began to walk to Logan’s place. 

“Hey.. Lo.”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for dating me.”

“Um… y-you’re welcome?”

“I really mean it! I didn’t realize I was so into nerdy guys! You’ve opened my eyes!”

Logan snorts and shoves his shoulder into Aiden’s. “Stoppppp.”

They look at the Halloween decorations of the neighboring houses. 

“What’ll you dress as for Halloween?” Aiden asks. 

“Probably Spock..”

“You and Star Trek.”

“What’ll you be?”

“I was thinking of dressing as a phantom.”

“Seriously?! Why?”

“I think it’s a total power move.”

“Oooof course.”

When they reached Logan’s house, Logan put a finger to his mouth. “Be sure to just be as quiet as you can. My grandparents like to go to bed early.”

“Kay.” But they both knew Aiden probably would shout at least 10 times during the movie. He has no volume control. 

The two entered Logan’s room and Aiden was awestruck. Fairy lights, star stickers, a huge bed covered in blankets, stuffed animals, and pillows, posters covering the walls and a whole glass jar filled with fancy pens (Logan likes collecting fancy pens). 

“This is the greatest room I have ever seen in my life.”

Logan laughs and grabs his laptop. He sits on the bed and pauses for a moment. “Wait.. are we going to cuddle?”

Aiden tilts his head and chuckles. “Ummm.. I thought that was the plan?”

“I-I didn’t even think about it! I just wanted to watch the movie and unwind!”

“Do you not want to cuddle?” Aiden asked, failing to hide his disappointment. Physical touch is his love language. 

“Yes? No? I-I don’t.. I-“

Aiden cut him off by plopping himself on top of him, knocking the wind out of him. 

“Took too long to answer,” he declares. 

Logan freezes for a moment before realizing just how warm Aiden was. “You really are like a heater!”

“Told ya!”

Logan manages to loosen up a little, pulling the movie up and the two wrapping up in the blankets. Aiden was a total blanket hog, but Logan had tons of blankets, so it worked out. 

Aiden was talking through the whole movie, which made Logan a bit sad. 

He’s not interested in it.. he thought. 

But then Aiden started making comments and theories on the movie, damn near getting the entire ending right. 

“Are you.. enjoying the movie?” Logan asks. 

“Huh? Ya! It’s cool!!”

“Ok… cool.”

Once the movie concluded, Logan found himself crying. He always cried when watching this movie. Aiden was hugging the shark plushie and looked at the star stickers on the ceiling. “Cool movie! ….What now?”

“Um.. do you wanna watch Star Trek: Next Generation..? We don’t have to! I know I you probably don’t wanna watch any more of my nerd space stuff, but-“

“I wanna watch it.”

“…ok.. cool..”

They turned on the show and Logan finally was relaxed enough to lean back. The entirety through the movie, he had been sitting up. But he’s starting to feel fine now. Loose. 

While an episode was running, Logan turns his head to Aiden. “Hm.. your eye bags.. they’re pretty heavy..” he notes. “Do you sleep?”

“Uhhh.. ya? All the time. How else do I get to the phantom world?”

“You know that doesn’t count.. besides that.”

“Um… nooooooo….”

Logan pouts a little. Aiden’s never seen him pout. 

“Take them out.”

“Huh?”

“Your contacts. Take them out.”

“What? Why?”

“You’re going to sleep early.”

“Whaaaaaat?”

“Do it.”

Aiden hesitates before relenting. It was hard to say no when Logan was so serious and stern. He took them out and he had to squint at the screen to see it. 

Logan closes the laptop and rests his head against Aiden’s chest, his glasses smooshing against him. 

“Aren’t you going to take your glasses off?” Aiden asks smugly. 

“Hm.. right.. I always forget.”

“Hypocrite,” he says playfully. 

Logan places them on his nightstand. Aiden wrapped his arms around him, the two shifting a bit to get comfortable in the blankets because there were just so many. 

Once they finally got comfortable, Aiden started doing this weird thing where we rubbed his legs together like a grasshopper. 

“What’re you doing?” Logan asks quietly, chuckling. 

“It’s comfy!”

He shrugs. “If you say so. I just think it’s because you can’t sit still.”

“That too.”

Aiden buries his face into Logan’s hair, relaxing a bit. He actually started to get tired. Heavy eyelids, yawning, brain becoming static, everything. And everything is soft, and warm, and nice. And not.. lonely. Not a screen buzzing in his face and a cold empty room. 

He wasn’t alone.. and that was the last thought he had before he actually fell asleep… He fell asleep. 

[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N Series CH 10 -> CH 11

"He's a pretty good cuddle buddy." "I'm glad he can bring you some comfort."

Tagging: @roryculkinluvr @thatsthewrongwallcraig @icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06 @shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver @ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999

Jack spent the majority of the day hanging out with Ace. He didn't have it in him to work on his writing today. All he wanted to do was stay active long enough that he would be able to sleep through the night like he had last night. He didn't see himself being able to actually get it up twice in one week so physical exhaustion the manual labor route was all he could do.

Ace was actually really obedient off leash. He ran him around the backyard, playing catch with him using one of his dad's old tennis balls. He shuffled under his feet almost tripping him a few times as he re-arranged new furniture upstairs. He even watched Jack exercise, or at least a poor, uncoordinated workout with a few smoke breaks mixed into it. He knew he would eventually have to quit but he hadn't planned on it being any time soon.

By the time they had eaten, showered and retired to bed, Ace was snuggled next to Jack the moment he flopped down on the bed. He hadn't realized what time it was but the ping of his phone startled him.

Y/N: Hey you're probably sleeping already but I just wanted to give you a heads up that we're back home and I will pick Ace up in the morning.

Jack frowned knowing he was going to lose his bed buddy but his stomach jilted with excitement knowing Y/n was home.

Jack: You didn't wake me. Ace and I just laid down, did you want me to bring him home now?

Jack waited for another message but the phone started ringing, making Ace jump.

"Hey, I can get dressed and bring him to you-"

"No no don't get up. I'm too exhausted to deal with his excitement tonight so he can stay as long you're okay with it." Y/n sounded tired.

"Yeah we'll be fine tonight." Jack reassured.

"Oh I have no doubts." Y/n chuckled.

"Yeah he's a pretty good cuddle buddy." Jack gave him a squeeze.

"I'm glad he can bring you some comfort." Y/n's smile came through the phone as Jack got comfortable.

"How's your mom doing?" Jack asked genuinely curious.

"She's doing a lot better. She was asking about Ace and I told her you were taking care of him so she may want to meet you. She's big on giving people flowers but I reminded her that you might not be a flowers guy." Y/n said making Jack chuckle.

"She doesn't need to do that. I mean I can appreciate some flowers but she's been through enough. No need to garden on my account." Jack felt relaxed talking to Y/n. He felt like the only other person he could talk to like this was Shanda except he never cared to see her naked.

"Well maybe you'll get lucky and I'll bring you more coffee and breakfast." Y/n offered.

"That would be nice but the way my sleep schedule is, I may still be knocked out at 11AM." Jack rubbed at his face and could hear her click her tongue against her teeth.

"Must be nice! I wish I could sleep in." She teased.

"Trust me, I would love to have a normal sleep schedule but my medications have other plans." Jack glanced over at the pill bottle on the nightstand.

"Your meds giving you a hard time?" Y/n asked concerned.

"Nothing I can't live with I guess. Just never being able to sleep or eat right." Jack's chuckle made Y/n frown.

"Oh so just those two life necessities? You know, you're allowed to try different meds to counteract some of those side effects. You should really talk to your doctor about some of those side effects messing with you." Y/n sincerely cared about Jack not feeling well. He chalked it up to her being a nurse.

"Nah he already knows. Plus I've recently had a surprising change that I'm afraid I might lose if I start a new medication." Jack spoke so freely that he felt himself getting slightly hard just at the mention of what happened last night.

"Oh yeah? That's great. Big change like more energy or small change like your body doesn't ache as much. I know muscle spasms are a bitch." Her knowledge of medication side effects might be useful if he would just accept the help.

"Um...well I was able to get an erection for the first time in a year." Jack laughed earning a whistle through the phone.

"Whoa whoa whoa, that's great but it's only a big change if you were able to finish..." Y/n waited for his answer and his silence made them both erupt in laughter.

"Jack Thurlow, you absolute slut! Congratulations on a long suffering orgasm." Y/n practically sang. Jack couldn't help but wonder what she would think if she knew she had a hand in it, no pun intended.

"Thank you. No one was more surprised than me but it helped me sleep so it was definitely a win." Jack sighed giving his chub a slight rub.

"As great as that is, you should still consider some alternatives or additives. Cumming is wonderful but being able to eat with nausea and sleep without interruption only makes that even better." Y/n's suggest didn't fall on deaf ears.

"I will consider talking to my doc about some changes if you promise to bring me a breakfast burrito tomorrow." Jack smiled knowing she was returning it on the other end of the line.

"Deal. Now put your pants back on! No jerking off on or near my dog you horny nerd." Jack's laugh was straight from the belly. He hadn't laughed so hard in longer than he could remember.

"I make no promises." Jack joked.

"Goodnight Jack." Y/n laughed into the phone.

"Goodnight." He hung the phone up and noticed he was still smiling even after placing the phone on the nightstand. Ace stared at him for a few moments and Jack reached out to scratch his head.

"She's not so bad, Ace. Not so bad at all." Jack snuggled down behind Ace ready to fall asleep clutching the pup. He wasn't sure if he was actually exhausted or if his brain was ready to shut down just so he could get to morning faster.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Knubbler hcs (Fluff alphabet edition)

Ik I just posted a fluff list to do with CRP characters last post but I also wanna do it with Knubbler because this fucker has been on my mine for WEEKS and I gotta feed my fellow dick enjoyers

Obvious heads up on heavy hc stuff since we don't have much on this dude RAAAAAAAH + still developing my hcs

Long since its A-Z, not proof read and I wrote this in one sitting I need to be put down

Attraction-

Torn between wanting to say he has high standards but I'm a dickface shipper sooo (/lh)

I can't explain it but I feel like he'd be into the feistier people; more dominant and outspoken, that sort of thing, ballsy. Also balancing with being chill so it's not just. Constant energy

Balance, you know

Appearance wise? I'm stumped tbh so maybe I'll revisit this later some day

Bonding-

While he enjoys dragging you around and spoiling you (getting into that for D + G), he does enjoy time spent at home with you! Knubblers always been the type of person to sit by a fire reading a book with a glass of wine; in a robe of course

At least he does to me

Calm stuff like that is a must

Oh how I crave domestic life hcs with this man

Cuddling-

I don't have PDA on this list so imma let it be said, this man loves affection, giving and receiving. Absolutely adores being all over you at all times and not at all afraid to show you off

Going to the actual prompt he doesnt care if you're larger or smaller than him, if you sprawl yourself over his chest he will melt!!!! Hold each other!!!

Dates-

This man is going to pour so much money into these dates

Could just be because we saw him take Abigail out to dinner but my brain defaults to restuarant dates, but otherwise I feel he's also a museum enjoyer (historical, art, ect)

Emotion-

Of course since this for reader insert stuff I can't exactly say who's more emotional so we're relying on Knubbler

I feel like. He's moderate, based on his interactions with Dethklok

He's patient by a considerable amount but has his limits

Absolutely pours his heart and guts out to you when hes drunk, though, not that he doesnt already shower you with compliments and affirmations

Wanna put him at a 6.5/10 when sober, and solid 8/10 when drunk

Family-

He doesn't strike me as the type to want kids, honestly, not that he has anything against them though, it's simply not what he wants

I saw someone hc a while back that he would have a bunch of siblings and I'm HARD agreeing on that + adding my own thing that hes an uncle

Need to write a silly fic where he's assigned as babysitter for a day (I desperately need more solo/knubbler centered stuff)

Gift Giving-

Nearly every week or so he will buy you something from flowers to jewelry to stuffed animals to fancy chocolates to really anything

If you so much as mention vaguely wanting something hes pulling out his wallet

This dude is likely loaded (based on working for Dethklok and being successful prior judging by the newspapers at the end of episode 2) so he's not afraid to drop some cash for you

As for receiving gifts he doesn't hold you to the same standard regardless of your income but he would be thrilled with anything you give him, I feel like hes a jewelry guy but maybe that's just because I like drawing him with rings

I feel like he'd go bonkers for baked good though

Harsh-

You guys may butt heads but you guys probably wouldn't argue too much outside of the basic disagreements that happen in every relationship!! Usually apologies for lashing out (if he does that in that particular argument) but will refuse to apologize if there's an actual problem that needs to be addressed (if said problem is on your end)

King of compromises (learned trait from working with bands me thinks)

Injury-

Depends on the severity

Knows very very basic first aid (cleaning, applying pressure if it's an open bleeding wound, cool water if it's a burn, ect) but more than that he's lost

Swearing and a bit of panic if it's something more serious, this is true for if hes the one hurt as well

If you're the one hurt hes going to hover all over you. Oh nooo please dont tell him hes your savior/hero, please don't make him reel good for pampering you oh NOOOOOOO (stares)

If hes the ome hurt hes going to bask in the attention if he needs to be taken care of, hypes up splinters/j

This stuff also applies to sickness

Jealousy-

Oh this is one jealous motherfucker. He will *glare* with those red pin prick robotic eyes of his

If someone's flirting with you he will saunter over and wrap an arm around you, loudly and sharply calls you babe to get the point across

^Kinda cliche but I feel like this man is a sucker for tropes

But if you're like actively uncomfortable I think he might have to intervene

See: his criminal record and the fact he "knows people who can 'take care of someone'", whether he'd actually follow through depends

Kisses-

Recieving he loves when you kiss his face; mouth, cheeks, nose

Giving, really everything is fair game if you give the go ahead; has a particular fixation on your hands (backs and knuckles), cheeks, and neck

Love anything from quick pecks to full on make out sessions

Love Language-

Physical touch and gift giving! Sometimes the gift giving can get intense since hes so ready to treat you like royalty but he doesnt mean anything malicious by it

As for receiving he has a soft spot for affirmations

Marriage-

He goes either way I think, but leans further to no marriage

That doesn't mean hes any less committed to you, though

You guys probably get matching rings even if there isn't a ceremony or legal thing, I think

No-

A deal breaker is like. If you're genuinely a bad person or a threat to his career

Like theres a difference between the shit Dethklok gets into and what you would have to do for him to cut you off full stop

Though I'm stumped on what exactly would call for that outside of being a genuinely horrible person, maybe I'll revisit this later

Oddity-

His laugh is the first thing I can think of. While I think the original is silly and cute in its own way, I'm kinda glad they changed it in the movie

He laughs at his own jokes and has a killer hair routine he follows religiously. Shitty innuendos, too. I am not going to let this man live down the hot dog thing and I KNOW it ain't a one off thing there is no way, this man gets no bitches (using Nathan's "you're horrible with women" comment as leverage)

Outside of that I dont think there's many quirks or habits that are worth mentioning

Petnames-

By law he has to call you Baby/Babe but I can also see him saying Hon/Honey, maybe even Sweetheart

Loves being called things like Dear and Darling

Question-

Loves coming to you to ask if you wanna give a second opinion on something hes working on, work related or not! Hes more than confident in his skills regarding sound engineering, but he likes getting the attention and time from you

Risk-

Skipping this because I'm truly stumped on trying to figure out how far hes willing to go in a relationship in terms of taking risks

SHH-

Has a few secrets, ranging from personal stuff to things that ultimately don't concern you

And that's okay, as long as it's not anything that can screw you or the relationship over, privacy is necessary

Probably has a lot of secrets surrounding dumb or embarrassing stuff hes done before and during the relationship

Tunes-

Obligatory I have a funky sense of music and while I want to choose a song that fits the time period of the main show to the decades before I'm a bit lost. Also I dont generally listen to love songs/songs that can be passed off as ones if you squint. So you guys get 2 songs that give me knubbler x (reader/oc insert) vibes

And

Upset-

When Knubbler is upset he shuts himself off and tries to get over whatever funk hes in, usually a glass or two is involved

Occasionally he'll seek you out for comfort or validation

If you're the one upset he's already lending you an ear and offering a shoulder to lean on (metaphorically and literally), gets mad on your behalf if someone upset you and offers solutions if it was something else

I like to think that you guys dedicate nights for venting and unloading on drama and bullshit. Like two gossiping moms

Valentine-

He is not holding back

You wake up to breakfast and gifts. He takes you out all day for shopping, you guys come home to get ready for dinner and a movie

Things definitely get.. intimate

But this is a SFW blog so I am not going to elaborate

Wedding-

If there is a wedding you guys make sure it's straight out of a storybook; dream wedding basically

Since he's not too worried about getting married I'd assume it makes sense that he lends most the power to you when it comes to decorating

Xray-

Urges you to communicate your feelings outwardly and verbally since hes not a mind reader, but he does pick up on certain behaviors to give him a general idea of how you're feeling

He doesn't want to push too hard, though, so he tries to offer an environment where there's open communication

Yearning-

Stealing this from my friend but hc that Knubbler actually would not know how to react to someone genuinely having an interest in him, at least in the beginning

Like he knows he's not the ugliest or the most horrible person but he doesnt think hes a heartthrob

So when you come along and actually get him to sit and settle down with someone he kinda. Doesn't know how to feel about being on his own/seperated

Like he can still function but hes finding himself thinking about you a lot; from wondering how your day is to things he wants to tell you when you guys are reunited

Zzz-

As mentioned before he loves cuddling so be ready for him to hold onto you

Prefers soft and light covers compared to heavier ones

Probably yoinks the blanket while he's sleeping

Probably snores

Bonus hc I think his robo eyes can be taken out, like for charging and he has a lil case for them. Has a sleeping mask so nothing gets into his sockets + he understands how it looks to others (especially if they wake up half asleep in the dark and arent used to the empty sockets yet)

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Guess what I did last night, everyone? I performed stand-up in a club for the first time! I’d done five nights at pub open mics, which I can quickly summarize as:

- July 26: Go to a pub night with my brother, who’s been performing comedy for years. They have about eight scheduled comedians, plus a “lotto spot”, where literally anyone can put their name in a pitcher and they draw one out and that person can perform. The lotto is mostly used by comedians who aren’t on the bill, but turn up to watch, and throw their name in on the off chance that they’ll get stage time. It’s also sometimes used by new comedians who haven’t established themselves enough to get booked spots when they ask for them, but they can build up some cred by doing lotto spots. It is not generally used by random members of the audience, but it technically could be.

I wasn’t quite a completely random member of the audience. I’d been going to open mic comedy nights at a different pub, which ran every Thursday, for a few months. Just going to watch, but often enough so I had an idea of how they work and who performs at these things. And my brother’s been doing it for thirteen years, early in his career I used to go see him all the time. And I had written some stuff down, practiced saying it out loud a few times, thought maybe I’d try performing someday. But had no concrete plans to start at any specific time.

Then I went with my brother to a night at a different pub from the one where I normally went, he convinced me to put my name in the lotto, just to try, it probably won’t get picked. Obviously it did get picked. I think there were about ten names in that pitcher, I’m still not 100% convinced my name really did get picked, I think my brother might have told the comedians that this is his sister’s name, if they want to see his sister try comedy then just call that name out regardless of what paper is drawn. But I have no proof.

Anyway, I did it. I talked for about six minutes. I said the things I had written down and tried out in my bedroom. It was less terrifying than I’d expected. The crowd laughed quite a bit, but only because I’d said at the beginning that I have never done this before and didn’t expect my name to get picked so they were all being nice. But it was fun. It was a huge adrenaline rush. Afterward I got drunk with comedians.

- That was a Monday. Three days later, I go out to the regular pub open mic night that I’d been going to for ages on Thursdays. Turns out the guy who runs that night was at the other pub on Monday and saw me there. After the comedy show ends, he goes up to me at the bar and asks if I want to be on the bill in two weeks time. I say yes. Get very excited for my first time on an actual bill, not just going up with the lotto.

- August 10: I perform at the Thursday night. I’m incredibly nervous. I have spent two weeks refining my material, figuring I can do a better job if I actually properly write a set for a specific day, rather than just get up unexpectedly and say some stuff I’d only vaguely planned. It’s definitely better this way. It goes quite well.

- Some other day in late August: I go back to the Thursday comedy place just to watch. I put my name in the lotto, thinking there’s no way it’ll get called again, may as well just do that, but I’m just here to watch. My brother is hosting. He’s just had a breakup and is messing around with the crowd so much that it distracted me from doing any mental preparation. My name gets called from the lotto. I go up unexpectedly. I can’t remember most of what I was going to say. I panic and stutter a lot. It’s fucking horrible. I get off stage and want to hide under my bed forever. After, my brother tells me it wasn’t quite as bad as I thought. But still. Not great. I have just moved to the suburbs to housesit for a few months, making it hard to get downtown where the comedy venues are anyway, so I don’t go back for a while.

- Early October: I go back to the Thursday pub night, just to watch. It’s an exciting night and inspires me to try again. I go through the proper process this time, of going on their Facebook page to request a spot for the following Thursday. I get one.

- October 12: On this Thursday, I show up and try something slightly different. The previous nights, I had just told one story for six minutes. This time, I trim that story and add a separate bit at the beginning. I am, again, very nervous, with the fear that maybe I just happened to have only one funny story in me but can’t actually write good stuff generally so the other bit will fail.

It doesn’t. Both bits go great. This feels like my best one yet. I leave happy and excited and wanting to do it again. I go back on Facebook and request a spot at the other pub that runs on Monday nights for the next week. I get it.

I also email one a local comedy club. There are three comedy clubs in the city, and those are where the “proper comedy” happens. New and established comedians alike work out their material at pub nights like the Monday and Thursday ones, so that they can perform at clubs. At the club amateur nights, where no one gets paid but if you do enough of them then you’ll get noticed by the owners and maybe get to go on the pro nights, where people do get paid. Multiple people had told me I should sign up for a club amateur night, but I’d been too nervous until that point. Then, however, I send an email to the designated address requesting a spot in November (that’s how it works – you email the club on the fifteen of one month to see if they’ll give you a spot at any of the amateur Mondays the following month).

- October 23: I perform at the Monday night pub. Do the same two bits as before. They go okay. At this time I remember them, I’m not up there panicking and stuttering. They just don’t get as much from the crowd, and the more they go badly, the more I doubt myself and then don’t perform as well. Afterward, my brother tells me my stuff was good, and not to feel bad because the crowd didn’t laugh much at anyone who was on that night.

I am sufficiently demoralized to think maybe I won’t go back for a bit, at least not until December when I go back to living at my own place downtown and it’s easier to get to these places. However, this plan falls apart in November, when I receive an email telling me my request for a club spot has been granted, I can perform at the club’s amateur night on Monday, November 13. I am terrified.

- For about four days before the night of November 13, particularly all day at work on November 13: I am fucking terrified. Going to a club to perform material that didn’t go well last time.

- November 13: I arrive at the comedy club. See the sign that reminds me the audience has paid $10 to get in. None of the pub nights cost money for the audience. So this will be my first time performing to people who have paid money so if I’m terrible then I am personally wasting their money as well as their time. There is an actual stage (a very low one, but still). They turn out the lights and put a spotlight on the performer. They play entrance music and everything. It is much more intimidating than a pub night.

I’m on third. The host is a comedian I very much like, doing stuff that I think is funny, but the audience isn’t laughing. The first guy up is an established pro comedian whom I also like (and used to run a school wrestling team with him in 2015, actually, but that’s another story), he also doesn’t do great. I talk to my brother, who’s on later in the bill than I am. He warns me that this crowd seems quiet in general, so I shouldn’t feel bad if they don’t laugh much at me either, I should be mentally prepared for that. I pace around the back being very nervous.

- November 13: Guys it went so fucking well! I did my two bits, I remembered everything, I think I said it in all the right order and did it right. And it worked! They laughed! Afterward multiple came and told me I did well! I was not mentally prepared for how you can’t see the audience if you’re in a spotlight and they’re in the dark, that threw me off, also the light hurt my eyes a bit, but once I was used to it I realized that not seeing the audience is slightly easier. It was good! It was so good and I’m so happy.

I have to say thank you, again, to my Tumblr friends @my-excellent-bicycle, who listened to the stuff I'd recorded alone in bedroom early in the year and told me what was good in it, because the bit he said was good is what became the first bit I performed. The second bit I ran by @lastweeksshirttonight, who was also super kind and supportive and helpful with advice. And, you know, I never would have tried without having comedy Tumblr in general. I am still a bit high on the adrenaline of how exciting that was.

...I feel like I should clarify, again, that all I actually did was sign up for an amateur night and do six minutes. It was the bar area in the basement, not even the proper club room, which is upstairs. It was not particularly objectively impressive. But subjectively, I'm really fucking excited about it.

[boinin]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks @redrocketpanda for tagging! ❤️

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

Just three! All from this year.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

64,235

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Blue Lock presently.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

Skewed given I published two just last week, but at time of writing it was:

Cassis Orange (132)

The Witch With Sunlight in His Hair (19) and

Between us and the trees (16)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do my best to!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None of them... yet. 😈 But chapter 7 of Cassis Orange has the angstiest cliffhanger I've ever written.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

My latest, Between us and the trees!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Never; everyone's been very positive and lovely.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, but nothing I've published. Yet...

I like porn with plot/porn with feelings, so there's usually a lot of set-up. For me, there has to be a reason the characters are getting together. It's payoff for something.

I'm fairly vanilla in terms of the actual smut, but my writing tends to focus on the sensations the POV character is experiencing, as well as their desire for their partner. All five senses get utilised!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope! But never say never...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. What's the longest you've ever spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

I started working out a plot for Cassis Orange on 18 March this year. So it's been eightish months at time of posting. Reasonable for a longfic that'll end up around 80,000 words long.

For The Witch With Sunlight in his Hair, I'd been sitting and thinking about the idea for a couple of months. The actual writing took maybe two or three writing sessions, the editing just one, beyond the pre-posting review. Overall, I think it was finished within a fortnight?

This is unfortunately as quick as it gets for me 🥲

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not outside incorporating suggestions from beta reading. It sounds fun, but co-writing involves a lot of trust and understanding between the writing partners. I'm wary about the pitfalls personally. That said, I co-wrote original fiction once or twice during college in a low stakes setting, it was good fun!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I'm actually not a massive shipper outside bllk! Hard to believe, I know. Anyway, it's Kunigiri.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

*checks list* this is depressing. I have a lot of WIPs.

There's an angst fic I started, which is set after the ending of the third rounds of NEL matches. The hook is Chigiri gets injured by Shidou, leading to a reconciliation with Kunigami, but the anger he experiences creates additional motivation for him to go kick Shidou's ass.

My drive for this one was tied to figuring out Kunigami's deal. I'm unlikely to return to this one, given how the manga is progressing.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Horrible thing to ask a writer! We're too stuck in our heads to be objective. But here goes.

I think my best strengths are writing dialogue and characterisation. For Cassis Orange, I've heard frequently from readers that my versions of early thirties Kunigami/Chigiri feel authentic to their canon personalities.

Description is another thing I handle OK, thanks to my own need to be able to visualise the characters and setting from my writing. I also have a decent knack for foreshadowing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

For me, it's writing action. A lot of my work involves characters' inner monologues, or conversations between them which drive the plot. Basically, not a lot happens. It's something I'd like to improve on.

I'm also a maximalist author. If an idea could be executed in 1,000 words by another author, expect 3,000 words from me. Drabbles are anathema. Not necessarily a problem, but this tendency does make it difficulty for me to actually finish my WIPs/ideas when the initial novelty wears out.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It can be a nice detail—but the need to translate foreign dialogue for the reader can be clunky. It breaks immersion more often than not.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Blue Lock!

I also dabbled in writing for Persona 5 prior to getting into football Squid Game this year, but never got further than making notes/outlines.

What's the thing I'm most likely to write fic for next? I'm really vibing with Undead Unluck this season, and there's barely fics for it on Ao3. If I continue to enjoy the world and the characters, and get hit with inspiration, I might write something for it. But for now, Blue Lock is keeping me busy.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Cassis Orange is my first and favourite child 🥹 I can't wait to wrap up this story over the next couple of months—it's been a journey, as someone new to fanfiction writing, and as a Kunigiri stan.

I have a few fic writer buddies here, so I'll leave this open to anyone who reads this/follows me: if you'd like to have a go at this, please do! You can put me down as the tagger.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s1e1 pilot (w. eric kripke)

(this is a rewatch, so spoilers abound)

because my brain is jacked up, i'm weirdly anxious about rewatching the show even though that's been The Plan for months. i watched 15x20 a week (plus) ago and every time i think about starting over at the pilot and writing them up proper like i did around s4-5 onward, my chest kind of clenches up and i look for literally anything else to do. i am worried about having feelings that i'm not prepared to deal with. which is fucking ridiculous.

hold onto your butts, this is gonna be a long fucking post

i've mentioned before that babies in peril is my number 1 hard stop on media -- i stopped watching killing eve mid-episode because of one and never went back to it (i intended to but never happened, brain weasels make everything hard.) so i know the very first time i tried to watch spn (several years ago) i almost turned it off because of little baby sam. that first attempt at watching i wasn't actually fully paying attention, i had it on while i was doing other things and so i missed all the character stuff and only saw it as kind of a mid horror schlocky situation so i never finished the first season back then. when i gave it another go in early 2023, i was giving it my full attention.

one thing this show always got? the cutest, happiest, sweetest babies. 10/10 would recommend

already freaking out how young everyone is and happy clean shaven john is extra wild

demon growl sound effect / padalecki's accent & jerk bitch moment

hey, it's the first instance of the demon growl noise when mary's burning on the ceiling! ooh i'm gonna be even more insufferable about the musical score and sound effects now that i'm listening for it from the jump

also i have called padalecki's accent/speech pattern the crispy r based on some tiktok i heard describing it that way - i associate it with california (but these clips are almost the opposite where the R is getting almost eliminated but not in the boston accent way), and i'd say maybe it was a choice but i think he spoke this way in gilmore girls too? but anyway, his Rs are just very different and it's a very particular and kind of subtle accent that definitely doesn't carry through the entire series ("bear it" in the second clip, the "sorry" in the third). i mentioned it when they had a clip of a moment from 1x10 as well in the pre-ep recap for 5x09

really well done and effective effects on that fire in the nursery

♥️💔

so this picture made it out of the lawrence fire (it was on mary's nightstand) but not the stanford one? i don't recall it being in the collection

i never really understood where sam was supposed to be timeline-wise in college, other than he must not have graduated because it was october? so there's me googling when you take the LSAT. so he could have (assuming it hasn't changed that much since 2005) taken it in june or october of the calendar year before he graduated. all right so that makes sense now that i think about it for more than 30 seconds. so he didn't finish his last year really of his bachelor's. and he's 22. i think in that alex irvine john winchester diary novel thing (don't think that that's considered canon but that's a whole other can of worms), it said sam graduated high school at 19 instead of 18 so i think that would make things line up (someone made a timeline that also includes everything in that novel but the post is loudly wncest dni so i won't link it). i do know it was just a mistake that the pilot said sam had been gone 2 years.

the ever useful canon discrepancies article at superwiki:

One of the most frequently debated potential canon discrepancies. Here are the facts: - In the 1.01 Pilot, Sam is about to be interviewed for law school, which could work on the assumption that he's just about to finish a bachelor degree (4 years). Dean also says that he hasn't spoken to Sam in "nearly two years." - In 1.03 Dead in the Water, Dean tells Sam that he spent "Every day for two years with Dad, while you were going to pep rallies." - In 1.07 Hook Man, Dean says "So this is how you spent four good years of your life, huh?" when they are researching in the library. - The original promo dates Mary's death to September 13, 1985, consistent with Sam being twenty and having been at Stanford for two years but out of step with everything else in the series. Eric Kripke acknowledged during a panel at the 2006 William S. Paley Television Festival that they made a mistake in the script -- initially Sam was meant to be 20, then they aged him up to 22, but neglected to change Dean's line from "two years" to "four years." Therefore, it may have been the creators' intention that Sam has been at college for four years.

this is gonna take me approximately forever to rewatch episodes 🤪

keeping my eye out for hands for drawing. have a general idea of getting something early seasons to go in the set with the 15x20 hands.

SAM Yeah? When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45. DEAN Well, what was he supposed to do? SAM I was nine years old! He was supposed to say, don't be afraid of the dark.

classic john

SAM Yeah, I know, but still. The way we grew up, after Mom was killed, and Dad's obsession to find the thing that killed her. SAM But we still haven't found the damn thing. So we kill everything we can find. DEAN We save a lot of people doing it, too.

one thing i'm thinking about is how i definitely was under the impression that they really didn't know any other hunters until they start getting mentioned here and there (dropping bits of backstory about working jobs with xyz while sam was at school etc), and that they barely knew anything about demons. so i'm curious to see how much of that is me misremembering

SAM You think Mom would have wanted this for us? The weapon training, and melting the silver into bullets? Man, Dean, we were raised like warriors. DEAN So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? SAM No. Not normal. Safe. DEAN And that's why you ran away. SAM I was just going to college. It was Dad who said if I was gonna go I should stay gone. And that's what I'm doing.

classic john x2. i know it's the pilot, i know they're bombing us with backstory like they need to, but i'm just like. everything about this ends up being pretty essential to understanding them and how they were raised it's so much 😩

DEAN I can't do this alone. SAM Yes you can. DEAN Yeah, well, I don't want to.

excuse me while my heart breaks into little bits. i knew that line in 15x20 was a callback to this, and it was heartbreaking then too. well actually it makes feel slightly ill rereading that scene from the finale. too emotionally invested

DEAN It started happening more and more, so Dad went to go dig around. That was about three weeks ago. I hadn't heard from him since, which is bad enough. DEAN Then I get this voicemail yesterday. He presses play. The recording is staticky and the signal was clearly breaking up. JOHN Dean...something big is starting to happen...I need to try and figure out what's going on. It may... Be very careful, Dean. We're all in danger.

so he coulda like. told dean he was ditching him for his safety in this sketchy vague voicemail, but then of course we wouldn't have them chasing him down with quite the same mystery. it's just kind of comical.

like this post puts it:

spn season 1 is so funny. they made the main plot line finding sam and dean’s missing father. but like. the guys not missing. he’s just avoiding them.

i'm sure (i hope???) every rewatch post isn't going to turn into a dissertation like this. good grief

hey. i was gonna mention that music was quite inoffensive and not bad at all and was about give old jay a pat on the back, but no! it's christopher lennertz lol. my ear always knows. so that's the originator of the demon growl sound

SAM It's the greatest hits of mullet rock. DEAN Well, house rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. SAM You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old. SAM It's Sam, okay?

i mean so many classic interactions i can't handle it. also, real shame netflix didn't/wouldn't get the licensing for the music originally aired. i have the blurays but i'm down a functional bluray player so here i am, watching on netflix with shitty replacement music yet again. that scene should have had ramblin man and back in black. travesty. back when they splashed out for the good licensed music (and i usually was on board with lennertz's selections)

the comment about them being a little young for federal marshals (also in their kinda scruffy clothes lol) and wikipedia says:

Marshals Service hiring is competitive and comparable to the selection process for Special Agent positions in agencies with similar duties. Typically fewer than five percent of qualified applicants are hired [citation needed] and must possess at a minimum a four-year bachelor's degree or competitive work experience (which is usually three or more years at a local or state police department).

so i mean, sounds like it's doable! barely. (i'm not even halfway through the episode lol)

stepping on dean's foot, smacking sam's head. very good sibling stuff

meanwhile we're gonna pop jackles in some bomb ass golden hour lighting so we can get his pretty, pretty face looking even prettier. lighting doesn't match any other part of the scene, but if you can get them lit up in it, we're using it!

SHERIFF Can I help you boys? DEAN No, sir, we were just leaving. As the FBI AGENTS walk past DEAN, he nods at each of them. DEAN Agent Mulder. Agent Scully.

respect to the og (that was the show of my youth and my forever otp and also my first impression of sam and dean's relationship was mid-run mulder and scully)

s1e1 r.d. call as sheriff pierce / the x-files s1e18 as sheriff daniels

oh! and this sheriff was a sheriff in an xfiles episode, that's even better! that's brilliant. love to see it

those jeans and before dean had his signature logger boots which i didn't apparently really notice until s6

DEAN Yeah, Troy told us about you. We're his uncles. I'm Dean, this is Sammy.

uncles??? lol

another thing i remember really liking is these random girls aren't like.. tv pretty makeup. they're just random gothy girls with stark harsh eye makeup and lipstick and matte heavier foundation. like real people do! it just makes it feel more grounded in reality to me when not everyone's makeup is tv-perfect

y'all. look at this! so i have talked a lot about the computer stuff, whenever there's a screen (in any show i'm watching) i'll pause and check out the veracity. teen wolf had laughably fake web page mockups. and one thing i do recall noticing in this episode was real webpage urls! and even in the printouts which comes later. which they did not do consistently in spn seasons after this at all until much later

classic. truly. more smacks and shoves. it's okay, sammy. i also am a little bit of a control freak especially when it comes to computer stuff. JUST LET ME DO IT.

DEAN Monday. Right. The interview. SAM Yeah. DEAN Yeah, I forgot. You're really serious about this, aren't you? You think you're just going to become some lawyer? Marry your girl? SAM Maybe. Why not? DEAN Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know about the things you've done? SAM No, and she's not ever going to know. DEAN Well, that's healthy. You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are.

dean's got a point there. which reminds me, did blurry wife know the truth? i remember there was some blurb about the story behind sam's kid having the anti-possession tattoo

wiki to the rescue

Though Sam's son has an anti-possession tattoo on his arm, there are no other signs of hunting in Sam's life after he leaves the Bunker. Jared confirmed at the November StageIt panel that Sam has not been hunting "in honor of Dean" because Dean wouldn't have wanted him to, but that Sam did tell his son about hunting and about his Uncle Dean, and that the decision to get the tattoo was Dean II's.

so probably yes?

(hands)

SAM And who's that? DEAN You're one of us. SAM No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life. DEAN You have a responsibility to— SAM To Dad? And his crusade? If it weren't for pictures I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like. And what difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, Mom's gone. And she isn't coming back.

oh, sam. these early days he was chafing so hard against what other people wanted him to do. also relatable. and if only we knew about mary🥴

sam enjoying dean's predicament

SAM Salt, cat's eye shells…he was worried. Trying to keep something from coming in.

cat's eye shells?? don't think that ever got mentioned again

LOL okay, so the url isn't perfect 😂 missing forward slashes and no underscores in domain names, but they tried!!

huh. another family picture i don't recall seeing again. kind of backwards, longer brown hair on supposedly dean and short lighter hair on supposedly sam

so did dean grab john's leather jacket at this point? since he showered and changed in john's motel room. i hadn't thought about that. huh

SAM You can't kill me. I'm not unfaithful. I've never been! CONSTANCE You will be. Just hold me.

i know this comes up in fic periodically but i don't think that went anywhere, like the cat's eye shells

LOL i didn't remember that the woman in white resolution was her ghostly murdered children conveniently take her out

DEAN Hey, if we shag ass we could make it by morning. SAM Dean, I, um... DEAN You're not going. SAM The interview's in like, ten hours. I gotta be there. DEAN Yeah. Yeah, whatever. I'll take you home.

there's so many moments in this episode that i've seen in gifs and didn't realize were all from the pilot. but it's really interesting to me to see how like.. the show really kind of pushed how much dean needed/wanted sam and sam was resisting, and how i think it really set up dean as the more "likeable" character initially, along with showing off his pretty face and charm and all that. on a brain-characterization level, i always relate more to sam but i was definitely charmed by dean initially.

SAM Call me if you find him? SAM And maybe I can meet up with you later, huh? DEAN Yeah, all right. DEAN Sam? DEAN You know, we made a hell of a team back there. SAM Yeah.

the only thing that i think makes this episode not quite paced right is how they crammed jess dying at the end and the we've got work to do thing. it felt really rushed and slapped on. but other than that, what a great pilot. ranks up there with the hannibal pilot

[hockeyboysimagines]

The girl with the broken smile

Chapter 2

Warnings: angst, some language, lots of crying and mentions of cheating/STD’s.

I’m having too much fun writing for him. Hope you enjoy. Keep a lookout for some updates in the coming days!!

I’m sorry but he’s so funny🤣🤣🤣

“What a sap.” Travis mumbled as he watched Nolan leave the room to take a phone call from Sawyer.

“Oh leave him alone.” Nash said from her spot on the recliner “I think it’s kind of sweet.”

“If by sweet you mean pathetic. He’s practically drowning in his own drool and she’s not even here yet. Can you imagine what he’s gonna be like in a few weeks.”

“They’re just friends Trav.”

“Yeah.” He scoffed using his fingers to air quote “Just friends my ass.”

“Are we talking about Nolan or your ass.”

“Nolan is an ass. But that’s besides the point. If he likes her why doesn’t he just say so.” As Travis said it he realized how dumb he sounded to himself. Here he was, sitting at his kitchen island preaching about being honest when it came to feelings, while he himself harbored elephant sized feelings for his own best friend who was seated 10 feet away.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged “Maybe he’s afraid she doesn’t feel the same or something. A lot of people don’t say how they feel for that reason.”

“Well that’s just dumb. Why would she reject him?”

“Maybe she thinks they’re really “just friends” Nash said also air quoting. Before Travis could answer Nolan stepped back inside, cheeks pink and turned to them.

“Sorry that was-“

“Oh we know. That virginal blush all over your cheeks tells us it was “Just your friend.” Travis said, adding an air quote. Nolan scowled and glanced at Nash.

“How is “Just your friend” Sawyer?” Nash asked, air quoting also.

“She’s fine and this whole air quotes thing is starting to “piss me off.” He said raising his hands to quote himself. But he was smiling.

“When’s she coming anyways?” Travis asked reaching for the orange juice.

“3 weeks.”

“And how many teammates did you beat up and tell to stay away from her?” Nash asked.

“I haven’t beaten anyone up….”

“But you did tell every to stay away from her?”

Nolan opened his mouth to speak and then slowly closed it looking at his feet.

Travis was snickering and shaking his head “Your such a nerd Pat.”

Nolan waved him off and left a little while later, leaving Nash alone with Travis.

It had been just over 2 weeks since she’d become his new roommate and he had thus far shot down any mention of her getting her own place. He’d come up with every excuse in the book, and even went so far as to buy a fuck ton of plants, insisting she needed to continue to live there to water them. He suspected she was on to him, but it was so nice having her back he didn’t want to chance letting her go again.

Her company and everything that came with it made his apartment feel warm and fuzzy, and he hadn’t stopped smiling since she got there. She was at every game, and it just felt so good to have her around again, and the best part was that Justin had left her alone.

She’d gotten into the house to get the last few items she’d left there, and other than him telling her to come get her mail as it came, he hadn’t even attempted to get in contact with her.

Though it was for the best, Travis could tell that it hurt her. He hadn’t begged, pleaded, promised to change. He didn’t put up a fight to keep her or win her back. In fact, he’d let her go so easily it was almost like he’d never been a part of her life at all.

Sometimes late at night Travis could hear her crying, but he never asked her about it because if she wanted him to know she would come to him. He spent most of those nights lying awake, thinking about that night they’d slept in the same bed.

He really would have risked it if she’d asked him to. He thought for just a moment that maybe she would try to kiss him, and was mildly disappointed when she didn’t, but in the end he was actually glad now that it didn’t happen. While he wanted nothing more than for her to like him that way, he wanted it to be when she was clear headed and she wanted it to happen as much as he did. Not when she was heartbroken about some dumbass who never appreciated how amazing she was.

He had vowed to her, himself and anyone who would listen long enough, that he would never EVER let that happen again. He had stood idly by because he didn’t want to make a wave, and terrible things had happened. But that wouldn’t happen again.

She was lying on her side across the loveseat with her arm propped under her head. Her eyes were closed, and there was a comfortable silence for a few minutes until she spoke.

“Hey Trav?” She glanced up at him through her lashes and smiled a little “Thanks for everything.”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me you know.”

“I know, but I wouldn’t make it through all this without you.”

He felt a few butterflies fluttering around and he smiled “You know I’m always here for you. No matter what happens.”

“You have no idea how much that means to me. Really. It’s good to know that I didn’t completely alienate you after all this time.”

“Never. I just figured you were happy and I didn’t want to ruin that. But that was wrong of me and I should have done more.”

She pursed her lips but shook her head “Nah. I wouldn’t have ever admitted there might have been a problem. My head was so far up my own ass I can’t even believe I was so dumb.”

“Your not dumb.”

“I was though. Now that I’m clearheaded I can see how dumb I was. That wasn’t love, that was manipulation at its finest.”

“Its okay Nash. I’m just glad your back.” He smiled broadly at her, and for a small moment she felt a sensation in her stomach she never had before.

One of the first things she’d noticed about Travis was his smile. It was wide, genuine and lit up his whole face every time she saw it. It never occurred to her that his smile was always extra wide, extra bright, and extra genuine when it was aimed at her. But the more time she spent with him and around her forgotten friend group, the more she noticed the little things.

He hung on her every word. He always listened to what she was talking about like he was trying to memorize everything she was saying and imprint it into his brain. He was never far from her, always within arms length. She had always chalked it up to their closeness, and now it seemed like Travis was constantly shielding her from the world, which she figured had something to do with Justin.

He’d held her hand every step of the way through her round of antibiotics, the tears, and her eventual emergence back into her old life. She felt good, better than she had in a really long time. She had missed her friends more than she realized, and was so thankful for everything they’d done to help her since she moved out.

Libby, Joel, Carter, Kevin and Nolan in particular had been there for all of it, and she would never be able to repay them for their strength and kindness they’d showed her at what she was sure would be the lowest point in her life.

“I have practice early.” Travis said offhandedly, jarring her from her thoughts “So I’ll be gone most of the morning. I figured maybe you’d want to meet up with Libby so Beezer said she would text you about it.”

Nash had noticed that since her split with Justin, Travis never left her alone for a long time. When he wasn’t around, he made sure someone else was. While Nash loved and appreciated him for it, she also didn’t want him to feel obligated to have her being constantly babysat.

“Sure. But you know I’d be okay here alone right?”

“Nash you’ve been alone for too long. You need people around you who love you. And Libby loves you….maybe even more than she loves Beezer. And that’s a fuck ton of love.”

Nash cracked a smile and laughed “I guess your right. Okay, lunch it is.”

**********

“So do you-“

“No.”

Libby threw the straw wrapper at her and made a face “I didn’t even ask my question yet.” They were seated in a small restaurant, just the two of them. It was mostly empty, allowing them to speak freely and without filters.

“I already know what your going to say and the answer is no.”

Libby stared at her from across the table until it made her uncomfortable and she looked up “Okay fine. What’s your question?”

“Is something happening between you and Travis?”

“No. Why would there be?”

“I don’t know that’s why I’m asking. I mean you guys are living together now, and it just seems like you two have gotten really close.”

“We’ve always been really close.”

“No.” Libby smiled and shook her head “Not like this. Do you share a bed?”

Nash felt her face get red, which was something that didn’t happen very often “No. I use the spare room for your information.”

“But you have shared a bed before?” She questioned, eyes flicking up to meet hers as she sipped at her water.

“No-well yeah I mean-once.”

“And nothing happened?”

“No it was the night-the night I found out about the Chlamydia. No funny business.”

“So that’s the only reason it didn’t happen then. Got it.”

“What are you-“

“Travis told Joel that that’s why he was chasing Justin through the house shirtless when we got there. Because Justin walked in on you guys in bed together.”

Nash pursed her lips “Well yeah but we were just sleeping. Justin took it out of context.”

“But you didn’t correct him.” Libby said slyly over her menu, eyes narrowing as a smile crept across her face “So maybe nothing happened, but that doesn’t mean you don’t wish it did.”

“I don’t honestly. I love Travis but that would really change things between us, and I just got him back and I’m too afraid to even think about that. Travis came over because I didn’t know what to do when I got the test result.”

“You know none of this is your fault right? And I hope you aren’t blaming yourself. There is literally nothing you or anyone can do to stop a guy from cheating.” Libby had an apologetic look on her face from across the table. Next to Travis and Carter, she was her closest friend during this process of untangling her life from Justin’s. While the others were supportive and there for her whenever she needed, conversations about Chlamydia weren’t ones she wanted to have with the guys. Not even Carter.

“I know. But I feel like I should have seen it coming, and I’m a little embarrassed.”

“I get what you mean but you shouldn’t be. To be honest, none of us really liked him to begin with, but we put up with him because we love you. Now that he’s gone, things feel normal again.”

“Agreed. It used to make me so sad, I felt like I missed out on so much while my head was shoved up my own ass.”

“Don’t say that. He’s a manipulator Nash, and that’s what they do.”

Nash smiled “Your pretty smart Lib. Did you know that?”

“Of course I am. I’ve been doing two sets of homework since the 8th grade, I better be smart.”she smiled a little and stirred the ice in her drink “So you really don’t think there could ever be anything between you and him?”

“I guess I can’t say never, because anything could happen but I don’t think he sees me that way. I mean we’re best friends, and changing that would be crazy right?”

Libby smiled and leaned back in her chair “I think I’m the wrong person to ask that. I don’t think it’s crazy at all. Who would take better care of you then Travis? Besides me of course, but sadly I’m not available. Though Joel has been pissing me off lately so I -“

“Shutup.” Nash said laughing.

Libby smiled “It’s so good to see you so happy again.” She reached across the table and squeezed her hand “And about Travis, don’t count him out. He might surprise you.”

***********

“So when are you making your move buddy.” Kevin asked as they packed up their gear to go home.

“What move?”

He knew what he meant of course, but to acknowledge it in front of Kevin meant that he was thinking of making a move. He was sure the guys knew how he felt about Nash, so he wasn’t embarrassed but he also wasn’t admitting it out loud. They were dumb, but they weren’t that dumb. Sometimes Travis wondered how they could see it but Nash couldn’t.

“Come on.” Joel said rolling his eyes “You guys are playing house now. Nothing is going on between you?”

“No it’s not.”

“Why? Because she seems to be pretty happy without Justin. This is your chance to slide into his place.”

“Nothing’s happening.” Travis said simply with a shrug “I only just got her back. I’m not ready to scare her away again.”

Nolan glanced at him and then cleared his throat “Leave him alone guys. He’s in a tough spot.”

“You would know.” Joel said giggling as he stood and stretched.

“Yeah you would too.” Carter said as he stuffed his clothes in his bag.

“I do know.” Joel said “Which is why I’m telling him that he should come clean to her. Do you know how long I could have been with Libby if I hadn’t pulled a Travis or a Nolan? Years bro. Years.”

Nolan glared at him “What? Leave me out of this.”

“Oh please.” Joel rolled his eyes, and chucked a ball of tape at him “Don’t even start. A girl is literally uprooting her life to come and move here to be closer to you and she’s just your friend?”

“Yes.”

“Ha. If that’s your story.” Joel said with a scoff. Nolan and Travis looked at each other, speechless before Joel spoke again “All I’m saying is take it from a guy who knows. If you keep waiting, someone is gonna take your spot.” He turned and left, leaving Travis with Nolan and Carter. It was quiet for a minute before Nolan announced he was leaving, two spots of pink high on his cheeks. Carter was staring at Travis as Nolan left through the locker room doors.

“What do you-what do you think?” He finally asked Carter. If there was anyone who was as close or maybe even closer to Nash besides Libby, it was Carter. They’d become almost instant friends, and he knew for a fact she confided in Carter about things she didn’t tell him. Carter pursed his lips and looked at the wall opposite them.

“Well. I guess it doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what she thinks. I know you like her, and I would be willing to bet she feels the same deep down, but-“ he thought for a second before he continued “What Justin did to her is going to take a while to heal from. He really messed her up.”

“I know. I didn’t know it was that bad.”

“I didn’t know either. I know things weren’t healthy, but she never told me the extent of it.” Travis sighed and then frowned “Don’t blame yourself. There’s nothing we could have done.” Carter said shaking his head.

“I know I just-if I had-never mind.”

Carter smiled a little “This is a tough conversation for me. I don’t know anything about love, but I think you should just take it slow with her ya know? If you feel that way about her that is. She’s been through a lot.”

“I know. And that’s why I’m just happy being her friend for now I guess.”

“And what happens if it’s only “For now” forever?” Carter asked, leaning forward a little “What then?”

“I don’t-I don’t really know. Hopefully we never get there yeah?”

**********

Nash thought about what Libby said for the rest of the day. She had been so infatuated with Justin that she’d never even thought about Travis that way. Now that Justin wasn’t clouding her mind, she realized that Travis had always been kinder and more attentive than he had ever been.

He was there for her no matter what, even when she wasn’t always there for him. The number of times she’d been made to cancel plans, or ignore texts, or even blow him off when they did have plans hurt her to even think about. While he didn’t blame her, she blamed herself.

She’d been a terrible best friend, and she would spend the rest of her life feeling bad about it, and trying to make it up to him, and while it was easy to blame it all on Justin, it was her fault too. He had been controlling, but she’d allowed him to do it and it was wrong. Travis was in her life before him, and though she’d refused to give him up Justin still cut him out as much as he could.

But that was over now.

She watched him as he moved across the room, talking about practice and how annoying Nolan was being about Sawyer. She was listening to him, but her mind was elsewhere.

“So anyways.” He said sitting down opposite her with a huff “What do you wanna do today? I was thinking maybe we go out for dinner, if you want to that is?”

She didn’t, but his hopeful smile was slowly changing her mind.

“Sure.” She said sitting up and stretching “I need some time to get ready and change though.”

She left the room, changed, fixed her hair and then followed him out the door, and together they drove to the place Travis had picked.

“I’m starving.” He complained “All that drooling Nolan’s been doing made me lose my appetite earlier.”

Nash giggled and moved around him to walk through the door as he held it open for her. When they were seated she folded her hands in front of her.

“So I’ve been thinking. Maybe I should get my own place soonish.”

He looked crestfallen, menu out in front of him “Wh-why?”

“No reason really, I just feel bad taking up space in your apartment.”

“You’re not taking up any space.”

“I am though. An entire room of space, and what about your privacy? When you go out with the guys don’t you ever wanna bring girls home?”

“No.” He said simply, eyes still holding hers.

“Why?”

He pursed his lips “Because I just don’t. We only just started to hang out again, I’m going to take advantage of spending this time with you.”

She smiled a little and sighed “I don’t want to leave, I just feel bad inconveniencing your life.”

“You could never be an inconvenience and you know it. Stay a while. I’m fine with it.”

The waitress came to ask their order, and flirted shamelessly with Travis. Nash looked a little offended when she left.

“That was bold.”

“What was?”

“The waitress. I mean I was right here and she was basically trying to get you to bang her on the table.”

“Was she? I didn’t even notice. I’m spending time with my best friend. That’s what’s important.”

Nash frowned but didn’t say anything more as they fell into easy conversation. But the more she thought about it, and started paying attention the more she realized that since she met him, she’d never seen Travis show any romantic interest in a girl. In fact she’d never seen him show any interest in a girl ever. He was always polite and friendly, but never flirtatious. Now whatever happened when he went home to Ontario she wasn’t sure, and she didn’t really wanna know, but while he was in Philly he was celibate. To her knowledge anyway.

And it wasn’t like he didn’t have options. She saw the way girls looked at him, batting their eyelashes and smiling like lunatics. But he never took the bait. Not even once.

“So are you looking forward to meeting Nolan’s girlfriend?” He asked as they ate.

“Yeah I think it’ll be good for him. But I don’t think she’s his girlfriend.”

“Not yet you mean. They’ll be here without parental supervision, which means pants off dance off.”

“Stop it.” She said biting back a laugh “Nolan doesn’t dance you know that. As far as the pants part, idk does he even know what a girl is?”

Travis’s smile faltered just a minute and he shook his head “No, I mean I don’t think he’s been with anyone since he’s been here. But that’s his business.”

She frowned “So has he been? Not that it matters, because he’s single but I would be very surprised if he was.”

“Uh. I don’t really know. He loves Sawyer, and he would never wanna hurt her. He is single, and I’m sure if he has hooked up with anyone he would regret it.”

He wouldn’t be telling her of course about what he knew. What Nolan did in Philly was Nolan’s business, but he had sworn Travis to secrecy about it. While Nolan was single, Travis knew that all Sawyer would have to do was ask and he would be with her in a second. The idea that some dumb girl he’d hooked up with, might jeopardize his relationship with a girl he was clearly in love with sent Nolan into a panic. Travis had assured him that he would take it to the grave, because he sympathized with him. He knew what it felt like to walk on glass for a girl you loved.

“Anyways I-“

But Nash’s expression made him stop speaking. He knew that look. He turned slowly and saw Justin standing in the doorway of the restaurant with a girl, presumably the one he’d cheated with or one of them. Travis could feel rage as Justin spotted them, and a large smug smile spread across his face.

Nash’s face was white as a ghost, eyes unfocused and brimming with tears. Justin nodded his head at her and looped his arms around the girls shoulders.

“That’s it.” Travis growled “I’m taking that mother fucker out-“

“No!” Nash said reaching across the table to grab his arm “Stop, let’s just leave okay?”

Travis was breathing hard through his nose as the waitress brought their check and he stood up sharply, chair screeching across the floor. In order to leave they had to pass Justin and Nash thought for a second she might vomit. He looked up as they passed before he said one simple word.

“Slut.”

Travis nearly knocked her over in his haste to lunge at him, grabbing a fistful of Justin’s shirt before yanking him out of the chair. The girl looked alarmed as she too stood up. Nash quickly grabbed Travis’s arm, panicked remembering that even Kevin couldn’t hold Travis back, and there would be no way she could.

“Travis. Travis.” She said hurriedly, pulling on his arm as he ragdolled Justin a few times. The few other patrons had turned at the commotion and some even came over to help, but when he turned to look at her, he let out a breath and released Justin, shoving him away.

“You aren’t worth it. Stay the fuck away from her.” He said pointing at him.

Nash tossed money at the girl behind the counter not staying to get the change as she followed Travis outside and into the car. His arms were shaking and he didn’t say a word the whole ride home, and when they entered the apartment they went to their respective rooms without talking.

After a while Nash laid down and closed her eyes, tears sliding across her nose and down on to her bed spread. The city lights were throwing shadows across her bedroom as she laid there crying. Some nights she drifted off to sleep easy, and others she seemed to lay awake for hours. On those nights she could usually be found sobbing until she couldn’t anymore.

She put on a brave face for her friends, and it was almost good enough to fool them. She sniffled a little holding in a particularly brutal sob, so to not alert Travis, who’s room was right across the hall. She didn’t hear any noises coming from it, so she assumed he was either sleeping or didn’t want to be bothered. A loud breath came out of her mouth and she gave a big shudder.

It was hard to feel both heartbroken and relieved and to feel guilty about both of those emotions. She might not have been so sad if Justin had made more of an effort to get her back. While she would never be with him again, it made her wonder if she had always just been a toy to him. As if being cheated on wasn’t painful enough, not being fought for was crushing. He acted like she’d never even existed, like she was so insignificant to him that he could just throw her away like that.

It hurt.

It felt like a knife was cutting into her chest the more she thought about it, slicing away and making her bleed. It was hard to breathe, as she sobbed again, gripping the blanket. She wanted nothing more than to scream and cry but she couldn’t get the noise out.

“Nash?”

She sat up a little and found Travis, standing in her doorway.

“Oh Nash.” He was across the room and had her in his arms before she could even register he was in there.

She lost it.

Big fat tears rolled down her face as her sobs came full force. Travis sighed from somewhere above her and rested his chin on the top of her head.

“I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve any of this.” He said quietly, hand moving up and down her back “This is so wrong.”

She couldn’t formulate words, just sobs in response as he continued to rub her back and whisper words of encouragement until she started to calm down.

She lifted her head up and met his eye, realizing how close his face was to hers. He lifted a hand up to let it rest on her cheek, eyes moving over his face.

“Nash I-“

A horn blared outside startling her, and she leaned back wiping under her eyes, but he stayed in his spot.

“Sorry Trav. I just lost it for a second there. Thanks.” She chuckled a little as she stood, folding her arms across her chest.

He was staring at the floor and nodded slowly “Sure.”

He stood and walked towards the door, turning to look at her one last time before he closed it behind him.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Just gonna talk about my current WIP

... and life. Because this is a nice cozy place where I can do that and only one of you knows me IRL.

So, in July, I was laid off. Well, my team was laid off. One of the many casualties in the "who needs DEI" wave. I can't even be particularly mad about it because that job was horrible. I dreaded work every day and I'm pretty sure that had I stayed, my health would have suffered more than it already had.

Then came the burnout. That shit hit me like a freight train. I've spent the majority of the last 2.5 months trying to give myself space to rest as much as possible (while also job hunting because I'm not exactly in a position that I can just BE unemployed). And y'all, rest is hard. Like really hard. But we're working on it.

While I 100% view this as a time I can and must rest, it also feels like an opportunity to actually focus on writing.

Hell, if I'm being honest, it feels like the universe went, "You said you would do this if you only had time to dedicate to it. Here you go." Now I've just gotta do the thing. Which... is also hard.

I've had several WIPs bubbling away for years now. Ones I've shared with folks, ones people ask me about. But the one I'm focusing on right now I haven't shared with anyone.

It's too personal, but not in a way that folks would assume. It's not autobiographical (though it is set just outside of Boston, where I'm now calling home) or anything of that sort. It's simply that I'm so in love with the two main characters I'm nervous to say anything about the story to folks close to me until it's finished.

But no one is likely to see this so I'm gonna share a bit here:

Toni. Bless Toni. She's a little me and probably a little you too. The definition of someone running toward something even though far too many people think she's running away. She is a woman who refuses to accept good enough and deals with the repercussions of that--especially as a fat woman (a through line in most of my femme MCs). In her case, she chose to end a relationship with a man most people considered a catch--ya know a catch who thought he could convince her to have a baby she said she didn't want--and move across the country rather than allow herself to stay in a situation that made her miserable. Now, alone--save for her best friend a few towns over--she's rebuilding her life and unpacking the baggage that says she's unreasonable and unreliable for choosing her happiness.

And y'all... Cillian. Lord. He's a local boy--complete with that Bahston accent--and built like a tank. Everyone around him can see how golden his heart is, not because he wears it on his sleeve but because he has an aura of goodness that is almost impossible to miss. Were you to tell him that, he'd tell you you're full of shit. The thing about Cillian is that he's the kind of good that comes from going through hell. In his case, hell was literal war. Now, 10 years out of the military and 8 sober, he's still reconciling with parts of himself he'd rather bury. Think a little Bucky Barnes with a dash of Frank Castle and then the rest, well the rest is just Cillian: The boy who should have been a musician, not a soldier. The man who runs his family's bar and escapes to his property in New Hampshire when the world is too much. The 6'2" 275lb brick of muscle that collects floral robes and buys expensive sheets and falls so in love with a gorgeous plus size powerhouse of a woman that it undoes him a little.

I love them. I love how they're going to open up with one another, to allow the other to see the parts of them that are still bleeding and know that it will be ok.

(They also fuck like rockstars so there's that.)

I'm still working on the first draft, but I think I can have it done in the next couple of weeks. From there, revisions and then MAYBE eyes that aren't mine.

Hopefully, someone other than me cares about their slow conversations, the softness of their fall, the low stakes but high emotion of it all.

-sigh-

Anyway. That's been my world of late. Thanks for being the void tumblr.

Love ya.

[deadendsave]

Delilah Hodges’ Journal (1)

1: Today is my 15th birthday. My mom gave me this journal, she said it’s important to document our lives. A few people at the camp gave me some books, and Quinn gave me a pet rock because I’ve been talking to her nonstop about how much I want a dog. Not the same, but at least rocks can’t get sick. I named him Pebbles and I’m gonna cherish him forever.

2: Ooo Lilahhh I’m snooping through your journal! It’s not like I’m sitting beside you and you gave me permission to write this or anything. I’m glad you love pebbles! I spent a long time sorting through rocks to find him, and he was the best one. We should start taking him on walks so everyone at camp thinks we’re even more annoying than they already do. Happy birthday! I love you so much. - Quinn

3: One of the books I got for my birthday was about aquatic life. The ocean is so cool I wish I was a marine biologist. People from the old times only explored about 10% of the ocean. You’d think they would’ve explored way more than that, but I guess this ocean is pretty big. P.S. whales are my new biggest fear. They’re HUGE.

4: Fact from my book: Tho giant pacific octopus has 3 hearts and 9 brains. It can also change color to blend in with its surroundings because of special pigment cells called chromatophores. Weird.

5: Dad said I’m almost old enough to go out on supply runs, but I need to learn how to hunt first so I can protect myself against the sick. Yeah, right. He’s tried to teach me how to shoot before, I SUCKED. Like that time he lined up cans for me to practice my aim, and I missed every shot. I don’t even like guns. The sound hurts my ears. He’s taking me out to the woods tomorrow to hunt, but I don’t think I have it in me to hurt an animal. The thought of it makes me queasy.

6: Dad took me hunting, we walked around the woods for a while before we found anything. But then we saw a deer in the distance. He handed me his rifle, and i aimed and shot. I missed, and it ran off. I felt so bad for failing, I tried my best and it still wasn’t good enough. I felt even worse for scaring the deer. My dad looked so disappointed. I hate hunting.

7: Nothing I do is EVER good enough for my dad. Sorry I’m not some killing machine survivalist expert like you and mom are. Our camp is secure, I’ve never been in that much real danger. They got to experience the world before the sick, I didn’t. They get to go far away from camp, I’m just stuck here.

8: I love my mom. She’s actually nice to me. I feel comfortable around her. When I’m around my dad I’m always on edge. But it’s upsetting that she never defends me or tells my dad to stop when he’s screaming at me for not being able to do something. She just acts like it’s nothing and tells me he just wants me to do better so I’ll be safe. Yeah, right. He just likes to use me as a way to let all of his anger out.

9: Quinn told me she had to show me something in the woods. She’s always sneaking off. I was kinda scared without an adult, but it wasn’t that far. She told me I need to not be such a wimp and be more adventurous. I’m glad I went because we got to see little baby robins, they had just hatched. Quinn’s been monitoring them for a few weeks waiting to surprise me. On our way back, she tripped over something and cut her knee up really bad. She’s very clumsy.

10: Here’s another fact from my book: Stingrays have a protective layer of mucus that shields them from diseases. If only humans had that. Maybe the world would still be in tact.

11: Took Pebbles on a walk like Quinn suggested. We do a lot of dumb things to keep ourselves entertained. Everyone else is worrying about supplies and food and killing the sick. My mom said she wants me to have a somewhat normal life before I have to start worrying about those things too. I guess considering how shitty the world is, I’ve got it pretty good.

12: The camp’s doctor said Quinn has an infection from the cuts on her knee, and there’s no antibiotics left. The doctor looked worried. Everyone’s been out on runs looking for some medicine for her, no luck so far.

13: Just realized one of the books I got for my birthday was a steamy romance novel. Ew. I don’t think Judy realized that when she gave it to me. Yikes. I have no interest in “finding love” romantically. It’s just not something I really care about. I don’t think I’ve even had a crush on anyone before. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.

14: Quinn’s getting worse. She’s been resting a lot, which is super unusual for her. Usually she’s got so much energy she can’t stay still. It’s upsetting to see her like this. She said her whole body hurts and she keeps feeling like something bad is gonna happen. I’ve never heard her say she was scared of anything until now.

15: My parents took me swimming in the lake today. I guess they could tell I’ve been sad. It wasn’t the same without Quinn. I wish there was something I could do for her. I miss when we were little and we would pretend to be mermaids. She needs to get better soon.

16: Today Quinn was reading me one of my books, but when she talked it just sounded like gibberish. It freaked me out a little. I thought she was just trying to be funny at first. She’s also got a really foggy memory right now. She couldn’t even remember the birds for a minute. Guess it’s the fever. I read to her instead.

17: My mom went on a supply run with some other people from camp. Still, no antibiotics. But they did find some things from the old times. Mom gave me a puzzle. I’m gonna show it to Quinn tomorrow, hopefully she feels well enough to work on it with me. Mom said some some pieces might be missing but we could use our imagination to fill in the gaps.

18: Quinn didn’t feel good today. She’s still getting worse. She fell asleep beside me while we were working on the puzzle so I ended up doing it alone. She was breathing weird. When she woke up she didn’t even talk, just held my hand. It felt clammy. I waited until her parents came back to their tent to head back to mine. I told her I loved her and I’d see her tomorrow. She just slightly smiled. It broke my heart a little.

19: This morning I woke up to go see Quinn, but my mom stopped me before I could leave. She had been crying, I knew something was off. I had a pit in my stomach. She hugged me and told me to sit down. She said Quinn’s body had been ravaged by the infection, and without any medicine to fight it off, she went into septic shock. I didn’t fully understand what that meant, so I tried to leave and go see her. My mom stopped me once again. “Baby she’s gone. She’s not in pain anymore.”

20: I couldn’t process what she just told me. I felt frozen. It was like every bad feeling I could possibly experience hit me all at once. I broke down and my mom held me tight. My body wouldn’t stop shaking. All of these emotions were physically hurting me. I’ve never lost anybody this close to me. Quinn and I were best friends before we could even talk. I don’t know what life is like without her, I don’t wanna know. We were always supposed to be together.

21: Today is the day of her burial, but I don’t know if I have the strength to go. I don’t want my last memory of her to be her lifeless body being put in the dirt. Everything hurts right now. I’ve heard plenty of people talking about losing someone they loved. I knew what grief was, but I never fully understood just how fucking awful it felt. My chest burns. I’m sad and I’m confused and I’m angry. Quinn was a good person. She didn’t deserve this. She deserved to live. We’re only 15, why would something so bad happen to someone as good as her?

22: Everyone else gets to move on and I’m just stuck here, consumed by the grief. I finally worked up the courage to go to Quinn’s tent. I talked to her mom and she let me keep some of her things. I could see the pain in her eyes. I know her parents are hurting just as bad as I am. The guilt I’m feeling is unbearable. It was my fault that Quinn’s died. If she wouldn’t never taken me to see the baby birds she would still be alive. The only person that could make me feel better right now is gone.

23: It’s only been a few days since Quinn’s burial, but people are already asking me if I’m okay. Clearly, I’m not. How could they expect me to be? My best friend is dead and her death was preventable. I miss her so much. The thought of forgetting her face or the sound of her voice terrifies me. I don’t want to forget her, and I don’t want to move on.

24: She’s been gone for 11 days now. I decided to make a memorial for Quinn myself. I went into the woods and dug a shallow hole just deep enough to fit some of the things her mom had given me. I keep talking to her out loud like she can hear me. I don’t care if it makes me look crazy. I sat at her makeshift grave and told her she shouldn’t have been so clumsy. Jokes don’t feel the same anymore though.

25: As I sat on the ground staring at the grave, everything started to feel more real. She’s never coming back. She’s gone. Forever. I cried and i cried and I cried until my body couldn’t make tears anymore. My face felt hot and my head started to hurt. I eventually stood up and decided to go check on the baby birds. They were still there, chirping and flapping their tiny wings, preparing to leave the nest. I felt a bittersweet sense of comfort watching them. It kinda felt like she was there, watching them with me.

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Not Freytag's pyramid~~.

That's stolen from a corrupted version of Antigone's diagram.

Why do I know this one to be correct and it's on Wikipedia? Because I read the whole of and tortured myself for a week reading Freytag's book Dies Tecniks Des Dramas, which for the record, is terrible, terrible on women, racism, ethnocentricism and is pretty much a mind trip into reading pre-facist propaganda as it worships Wagner's Opera.

Freytag, much like Aristotle before him is basically worshipping and justfying Wagner's Opera which was pro-German propaganda. He said EVERYONE was inferior to German drama. He went on about this at length, going so far as saying English suck ass (in a lot, lot more words whole entire diatribes of this) and the ONLY decent English ever had in his estimation was Shakespeare.

In summary, he's what you call a grade A asshole. He thought women couldn't write for shit, which is why he chose Aristotle, and he got EVERYTHING about Greek plays wrong.

And then he called Christianity the greatest religion in the world... which is how he came up with that diagram, with wrong and assumed facts about Wagner's opera, Aristotle and Shakepeare.

He also didn't promote conflict.

BTW, that's also not Hero's Journey.

You're missing the misogynistic original version of it. C'mon, put in the part where Joseph Campbell was too lazy to look up Xiqu, and thought women were either there to sleep with the hero or support him, nothing else, and then got into an argument with one of his students that the female student created her own version, even though that too, is ethnocentric media imperialism.

Don't be lazy and just take the first diagram you can find on google, because those diagrams are WRONG. Read the original work and then reel like I did at how terrible these people are, and then QUESTION the foundation of if we should be adhering to thee story structures which were extensibly invented in the 20th century (because no one follows Aristotle, the 5-act which is NOT Shakespeare in origin and is kinda lost to history, honestly, and Freytag.). Or you could just read my long, long research into the origin here: https://kimyoonmiauthor.com/post/641948278831874048/worldwide-story-structures

I've spent what? 4-5 years trying to back trace this awful thing and getting pummeled by loads of racism, sexism, while the industry worships white cis (mostly het) abled men, while ignoring the contributions of women, People of color and other minorities about story structure and I, personally, don't think that's right. We need to restore the *toehr* people and their thoughts to their rightful places and say things like, "Discovery is a valid story driver." And qichengzhuanhe is super awesome and at least 10 times older than the supposed corrupted three act story structure, which isn't really any one person these days but the worst version of telephone game ever.

Does this mean the final diagram made up of all of these different people acting like authorities without citations is "useless" no, but knowing the history of stry structure itself, I think it empowering so you know you hae a *choice* and that choice is important.

Reading the original works gives you a sense of time and plae and how things can change over time, such as where did the development part come into play into story structure, who was arguing what, and should we question it? Give yourself empowerment.

Maybe the Conflict-filled three act story structure is far better for say... horror and thrillers since it gives everyone anxiety when done right, which as I point out is great for a capitalist society. But maybe realization, discovery, self discovery, etc are better for things like romance. OMG, he actually reads Natsume Soseki, I think I'm in love.

Maybe a morality tale needs to be in Sci-fi as it looks at political issues--how do you pull that off? Silas Mariner could help. Knowing that other story drivers and story structures exist is empowering to the average writer.

Plot structure btw, I found much later is also ethnocentric and probably a after-19th century idea.

Culture need not be static. And often culture lies to you. And in this case it's a big fat lie because it's mostly holding up men who hate women and other minorities and the question for everyone is... should we stand for that when the majority of the industry are women who don't hate everyone else? Do you want to go around saying how horrible Gertrude Stein is, or rag on Black people as being "savage" or just go full on racist and religiously intolerant by saying other story structures are not valid?

There's Chaistic, for example, which is used in Jewish lore. Why not have some fun and PLAY? Isn't that what creativity is for? And if by chance people feel threatened by this and goes all Highlander on you, "There can be only one." I have to point out oppressing and saying only white men are right about everything is a terrible way to conduct business. Also, for the love of what's Holy, and for the sake of artists DO CITATIONS. I know it's tradition to not do citations on writing advice, but damn, those white men gave me a headache. And people should get credit for their ideas and work.

I bother with citations and tell when I have a new idea and where my ideas come from because I have a ense of legacy, which, BTW, doubled after I did this project and all of the white men didn't do citations and everyone else did. The more privileged you are, the less you think you have to cite say, Octavia Butler? Screw you, white uncitation men. BTW, It's a trip to read Freytag back to back with Polti. I do cite Freytag for being an asshole in full, BTW.

Let's talk about story structure.

Fabricating the narrative structure of your story can be difficult, and it can be helpful to use already known and well-established story structures as a sort of blueprint to guide you along the way. Before we delve into a few of the more popular ones, however, what exactly does this term entail?

Story structure refers to the framework or organization of a narrative. It is typically divided into key elements such as exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution, and serves as the skeleton upon which the plot, characters, and themes are built. It provides a roadmap of sorts for the progression of events and emotional arcs within a story.

Freytag's Pyramid:

Also known as a five-act structure, this is pretty much your standard story structure that you likely learned in English class at some point. It looks something like this:

Exposition: Introduces the characters, setting, and basic situation of the story.

Inciting Incident: The event that sets the main conflict of the story in motion, often disrupting the status quo for the protagonist.

Rising Action: Series of events that build tension and escalate the conflict, leading toward the story's climax.

Climax: The highest point of tension or the turning point in the story, where the conflict reaches its peak and the outcome is decided.

Falling Action: Events that occur as a result of the climax, leading towards the resolution and tying up loose ends.

Resolution (or Denouement): The final outcome of the story, where the conflict is resolved, and any remaining questions or conflicts are addressed, providing closure for the audience.

Though the overuse of this story structure may be seen as a downside, it's used so much for a reason. Its intuitive structure provides a reliable framework for writers to build upon, ensuring clear progression and emotional resonance in their stories and drawing everything to a resolution that is satisfactory for the readers.

The Fichtean Curve:

The Fichtean Curve is characterised by a gradual rise in tension and conflict, leading to a climactic peak, followed by a swift resolution. It emphasises the building of suspense and intensity throughout the narrative, following a pattern of escalating crises leading to a climax representing the peak of the protagonist's struggle, then a swift resolution.

Initial Crisis: The story begins with a significant event or problem that immediately grabs the audience's attention, setting the plot in motion.

Escalating Crises: Additional challenges or complications arise, intensifying the protagonist's struggles and increasing the stakes.

Climax: The tension reaches its peak as the protagonist confronts the central obstacle or makes a crucial decision.

Swift Resolution: Following the climax, conflicts are rapidly resolved, often with a sudden shift or revelation, bringing closure to the narrative. Note that all loose ends may not be tied by the end, and that's completely fine as long as it works in your story—leaving some room for speculation or suspense can be intriguing.

The Hero’s Journey:

The Hero's Journey follows a protagonist through a transformative adventure. It outlines their journey from ordinary life into the unknown, encountering challenges, allies, and adversaries along the way, ultimately leading to personal growth and a return to the familiar world with newfound wisdom or treasures.

Call to Adventure: The hero receives a summons or challenge that disrupts their ordinary life.

Refusal of the Call: Initially, the hero may resist or hesitate in accepting the adventure.

Meeting the Mentor: The hero encounters a wise mentor who provides guidance and assistance.

Crossing the Threshold: The hero leaves their familiar world and enters the unknown, facing the challenges of the journey.

Trials and Tests: Along the journey, the hero faces various obstacles and adversaries that test their skills and resolve.

Approach to the Inmost Cave: The hero approaches the central conflict or their deepest fears.

The Ordeal: The hero faces their greatest challenge, often confronting the main antagonist or undergoing a significant transformation.

Reward: After overcoming the ordeal, the hero receives a reward, such as treasure, knowledge, or inner growth.

The Road Back: The hero begins the journey back to their ordinary world, encountering final obstacles or confrontations.

Resurrection: The hero faces one final test or ordeal that solidifies their transformation.

Return with the Elixir: The hero returns to the ordinary world, bringing back the lessons learned or treasures gained to benefit themselves or others.

Exploring these different story structures reveals the intricate paths characters traverse in their journeys. Each framework provides a blueprint for crafting engaging narratives that captivate audiences. Understanding these underlying structures can help gain an array of tools to create unforgettable tales that resonate with audiences of all kind.

Happy writing! Hope this was helpful ❤

[baekhvuns]

Omggg, Baeksy IT'S MEEEE DV ANON! 💖💖💖💖 I fell off the face of the earth, but I have returned. I see you haven't been very active on here either, but what did I miss, how are things, fill me in!? Except the obvious misery... I meant to message you a few times and actually sent an ask a few months ago, but shit glitched and it didn't go through so I gave up 😭 but the news about Lewis made me think of you. Lmao one of my friend's is in shambles she'll have to support Ferrari after years of hating on them. Been there, done that I remember when I got into Griezmann just to find out he played for Atletico then he went to Barca, ahhsajhshsjdhsjaj man hates me so much!!! Or when Fabregas left Arsenal for Barca etc....

A lot happened to me, but nothing much had changed at the same time, hopefully 2024 will be a bit better. 😬

In the meantime I went to the US for some reason, lol, I also went to Vancouver and actually wanted to message you then, but forgot... then I spent some time in Thailand and Korea. Now I'm back in London, but going to Seoul next week for a few months, because of a job. Which I'm kinda excited for, but also not really ashdhsshshshhsn. Potentially I may move there for longer, but we will see...

As for kpop I'm kinda in and out you know? I actually got into some other artists, so I'm not really up to date with Ateez anymore, it's pretty sad, but they don't really bring me joy anymore. I still love Hwa and check on him from time to time, I miss my hardcore Shinestar era :( but it lasted really long so I'm surprised. Maybe I'll be back one day, unfortunately Ateez's recent releases just don't hit and I'm sick and fucking tired of KQ :/ Buuuuut I've been on the roll with kpop concerts, so I feel like I'm more of an irl kpop enjoyer rather than online one if that makes sense.

That's it for my TMI for now <3

WHAT THE FUCK

Omggg, Baeksy IT'S MEEEE DV ANON! 💖💖💖💖 I fell off the face of the earth, but I have returned. I see you haven't been very active on here either, but what did I miss, how are things, fill me in!? Except the obvious misery... I meant to message you a few times and actually sent an ask a few months ago, but shit glitched and it didn't go through so I gave up 😭 but the news about Lewis made me think of you. Lmao one of my friend's is in shambles she'll have to support Ferrari after years of hating on them. Been there, done that I remember when I got into Griezmann just to find out he played for Atletico then he went to Barca, ahhsajhshsjdhsjaj man hates me so much!!! Or when Fabregas left Arsenal for Barca etc....

I JUST LET A SCREAM OUT

WHAT THE FUCK WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

I AM. FBQKDBWMDBWKDHWK SCREAMING. I THOUGHT YOUD ACTUALLY NEVER COME BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THE WAY I SAW YOUR ASK AND HAD TO REFRESH BECAUSE NO MF WAY

hOW are you omg??? HOW ARE YOU! how was it been, WHERE have you been 😭😭 how was your travels!! things here are plain boring! in and out of kpop and trying to write something </3 you left for so long that im nearing my graduation this is ridiculous kvjvkckc i also re watched a bunch of 2000’s romcoms and kept thinking of u 😭

omg the lewis news, i woke up to it and it fucked with my mind a bit. like wdym he’s going ferarri? this is like messi going madrid and ronaldo going to barca??? LMFAOOOO YOUR FRIEND HAS TO FORCE HERSELF TO FORZA FERARRI EVERY WEEKEND im so excited but confused for his move, it’s time ferrari brings back the black fireproof just for ham. the mercedes must’ve been absolute shit for him to be sign it with ferrari & earn 100 million? FUCK?

this move is so iconic i can’t fully grasp it,,, anon u have to see him at silvertone in that red car in 2025 PLEASE I BEG! griezmann really said uno reverse on you 😭 & hello klopp is leaving ??? 10 years really coming to and end huh 😭

A lot happened to me, but nothing much had changed at the same time, hopefully 2024 will be a bit better. 😬

we need a ppt doc, pdf, of how things went for you! how was your travels and everything!!! hopping 2024 is good for u and u earn lots <3 i heard it’s a capricorn year so??? 🫡

In the meantime I went to the US for some reason, lol, I also went to Vancouver and actually wanted to message you then, but forgot... then I spent some time in Thailand and Korea. Now I'm back in London, but going to Seoul next week for a few months, because of a job. Which I'm kinda excited for, but also not really ashdhsshshshhsn. Potentially I may move there for longer, but we will see...

you went where.

vancouver.

oh.

and you forgot to text me about it.

how dare you.

for all i know. we would’ve crossed paths unknowingly.

wow. i just paced around my room after reading this.

anon omg you should see the devastation on my face when you said you came here HOW DARE YOU! TRAITOR 🔫 WOW IM SO WORKED UP RN HOW DARE YOU BDQKDKWBDKABDDN WHERE DID U GO IN VAN

oooo a new job in sk?? that is so cool, now u can see yuta on the streets often 😭😭 hope you have a good time there!!!

As for kpop I'm kinda in and out you know? I actually got into some other artists, so I'm not really up to date with Ateez anymore, it's pretty sad, but they don't really bring me joy anymore. I still love Hwa and check on him from time to time, I miss my hardcore Shinestar era :( but it lasted really long so I'm surprised. Maybe I'll be back one day, unfortunately Ateez's recent releases just don't hit and I'm sick and fucking tired of KQ :/ Buuuuut I've been on the roll with kpop concerts, so I feel like I'm more of an irl kpop enjoyer rather than online one if that makes sense. /// That's it for my TMI for now <3

i actually kind of second this,, ive also been in and out of it. song releases just don’t hit anymore from everyone, so my interest is fading. i also miss being a shinestar but i think i got out of it, i just have no interest in it anymore (actually had a small ick that made me go insane but it’s okay now) 😭😭 did/currently going thru a soft yunho phase but like you i haven’t been keeping up with them neither do they show up on my tl often! but concerts are something ill be attending! yeah it totally makes sense! i think a lot the in and out also has to do with the lack of interesting music or just good music in general. WHICH CONCERTS DID YOU GO TOOO?

also anon, i know you said u came here but didn’t shoot me a text about it 🔫 im fortunately and hopefully going for a field school in your england in the coming next year! where i WILL shoot a text unlike someone here 🧍🏻‍♀️ill be going to england first and hopefully touring around europe for a bit! & ill def ask u for places to go to as a first timer!

[z-h-i-e]

New Year Fanfic Asks - Part 2/5

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

Technically, the next thing I’d like to get done is something written under my secret pseudonym (secret in that few know it’s my, not so secret in that I’ve not been secret over the fact I do write under multiple names), so I can’t really say what that project is.  But, I can talk about the second on the list item – in 2011, I wrote a fic titled Beautiful Oblivion, and I have had different manifestations of things that could be sequels or prequels, and I think I have something specific enough to run with. 

7. Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers?

I tend to be very open and available. I can’t always read whole stories; I try to look at snippets when something comes up.  The reality of the situation is that for the most part, I write the content I want to read and I don’t go actively looking for things.  I do a fair number of presentations each year, not just for fandom creators, some of these are live groups in the county I live in or other online events. I suspect I’m probably going to be increasing the amount of that type of content that I create and share. I’d actually like to try to get some how-to videos out there, I just have to take the time to look at options and see what would work the best. 

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

I don’t think I have a lot of fear – and I think Werewelves was evidence of that. What I am in the process of doing is weaving the additional content into Werewelves that was only written on the side and not originally included in the paths of the story, and that is I suppose what would be called the wolf-on-wolf action of Finrod and Edrahil both in wolf form, aka, my furry indulgence pathways. I have a lot of tucked away stories in my head about Finrod in wolf form, but since, again, I’m writing for myself, and sharing when I think there are others who are interested, I have found that one of the biggest not allowed categories in the Tolkien fandom is no longer coming to the door and seeing ‘no slash allowed’ but coming to the door and seeing ‘no furries no exceptions’ (and strangely enough, more of that comes from places that are super welcoming to LGBTQIA+ stories, but I don’t have the time/energy/desire to bring up the irony of disallowing fur culture when once upon a time, other groups were biased against what said group now encourages–but, I was made aware in the 90s by fellows furs that we’d probably be the last outlier, so I am 0% surprised). All that to say, if I thought I’d find other people who were interested in Finwoofs escapades in Valinor, I’d potentially write them out, but until then, I’ll just think about the adventures he has when he has a tail and floof. A lot.  

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January?

I am trying really hard to get at least one story onto AO3 each day that is not currently there.  I have said I would do this many years running, New Year’s Resolution and all that – and then, I 0% follow through.  I’m doing okay this year, but goodness, am I procrastinating my ass off (case in point - I’m already on question 9 here). I don’t know what it is about posting older content – maybe it’s just that I want this to be the forever home, and I’m still not entirely convinced that there won’t be something to come after AO3, or perhaps that I’m worried that a time will come when AO3 decides it will police content, and I still remember all the time I spent on fanfiction.net, and galadrhim.net, and faerie, and all the other fandom websites, only to have them poof.

10. Will you keep a record of all the fics you write and/or post this year?

LMAO. I can’t even keep track of what I have for WIPs, or the titles of things I’ve written. I come across stories on a regular basis in my email or on some random site somewhere I forgot about that I entirely forgot I wrote. Short answer: It’s not looking likely. I hit 1K stories somewhere between 2006 and 2007; it’s anyone’s guess what’s out there these days, where it is, what it’s named, and if I’ll even find it again. What I really need is a fanfiction secretary to round up my stories and get them into one place together and since that’s not looking likely, if I can at least get them shuffled onto AO3, that will be a win.