#maybe feed him some almonds from the palm of my hand

[dopposhusband]

Other parts of the PV that aren’t Matenrou

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

How bout a fic a levi x civilian baker? Reader finds him intimidating at first but as time goes by she get to know him and slowly falls in love with levi. Likes his cleanfreakiness, obsession with tea, his gentleness, how he treats his comrades etc. Reader sees his softer side, hidden under the gruffiness and glares. The setting could be scouts relaxing in a small bakery x teashop every dayoff they get and/or reader donates bread for the scouts? Just a peaceful love story❤ with funny banters❤

This has been in my inbox for months but I only now found some inspiration to write it (I'm basically baking stuff every single day so maybe that's why) anon, if you're still out there I'm sorry for the long wait, I hope this is what you wanted.

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Tags: fluff, canonverse

Loaves of Love

It all started with a young brunette soldier who had been awestruck by your shop's enamoring display. With her shaky hands and her oily teenage skin pressed against the shiny glass while a streak of drool run down her face.

You had been waxing some tables to start the day with, your feet much swollen and numb by the long standing position when you noticed her; big, round brown eyes that were swooning over the loaf of garlic bread you had placed at the shelf on display were blinking rapidly between you and the object of her desire. She seemed to ignore the voices that we calling out to her as she was fixated on the streaks of smoke that danced in the air, rubbing a tiny area in the glass as if she longed to caress the loaf like a lover.

You couldn't help but crack a smile.

If there was one word that could be used to describe the bakery shop you were working for that word would be 'delicious'.

Or so you wanted to believe.

Your uncle, the owner of the shop and a top baker in Trost, had poured a lot of money to it's renovation after the store was trashed by the breachinf of the walls. It was profoundly evident element in the store that could be found anywhere from the elegant stalls and shelves that were filled with different types of bread and numerous plates of traditional pastries, to the most divine and fine glass that shone on every large window.

The wooden floors were polished to perfection, and twice a day at that, by your uncle's command, and all the tables at the restroom area of the store were cleaned meticulously every single morning. It was a necessary policy of your uncle's; a clean store attracted more customers which meant more income, and thus more independent financial stability for you through a bigger wage. One that you didn't have to split in half with your brother.

Until that day came though, you were stuck with scrubbing and waxing the tables each and every morning.

Wiping down the excess residue of wax, you eyed your brother, noticing how he was setting up loaves of bread neatfully over the caramel brown baskets, carefully making sure he didn't mix up the different breadths of bread. You brother noticed, smiling at you in return and you pointed out to the young brunette whou wouldn't seem to get her face off of your display window.

"She's cute."

"Oh my god Beau, she must be so young you gross little shit."

"The scouts have had their income reduced once again." He announced. "That's why the poor girl is drooling. They're looking for a new bakery to take up their orders too."

"Oh."

"Yeah and uncle said we should do it."

You gave a hard eye with puckered lips to your brother as he voiced that, letting a long sigh escape you. He replied with a side smileand brought his hands to his hair, shipping his locks back before searching for the little hair band in the pocket of his apron. By the time you laid eyes on the small brunette, you noticed that her friends we're accompanying her. You pressed your lips together as you eyed the group of teens, half smiling at them in any case they could see you through the glass. One of them shook his head to the side, shyly blushing as his wide eyes were instantly hidden by his blond bangs.

The were all oggling the display with eyes as wide as the brunettes, You guessed, as your brother had said that they must have been rather hungry; Scouts never really have a big budget nonetheless, and your heart skipped a beat at the paleness on the teenagers' faces, the mere thought of them not having eaten anything for breakfast was more fearful than looking a Titan in the eye.

So, by setting down your table waxing kit, you wiped your hands at your apron and rushed to the small stall that your brother was leaning on.

"Beau, do me a favor and step aside please." You spoke as you marched to him and the hem of your skirt flapped over your ankles.

"Wait, what?"

"I'm feeding the kids."

"(Y/n), they're not stray dogs you know."

"Fine giving them some bread, whatever." You scoffed.

"Uncle's gonna be mad."

"As if I care. I didn't ask to be a baker and work here, plus less loaves means it's on demand."

Your brother sighed at you and slowly shook his head a couple of times. You didn't miss the sly smile that he hid once he burried his face to the palm of his hand, just like he didn't miss the cooking of your eyebrow as you smirked victoriously at him. Taking a complete turn to the opposite direction from the one you were facing you pushed your brother aside and kneeled down to the shelves on the inside of that cashier stall where numerous tote bags laid, folded neatly, ready to accommodate any of your costumer's orders.

You quickly grabbed one, and jounced it open in the air.

Your eyes shot to the teens that still stood before the display, now trying to pull their friend away from it, and hurriedly grabbed a few medium sized loaves in your hands. Once you filled the bag with more loaves than the number of teens you took a quick turn again, your feet stomping the mahogany tiles of the floor underneath you.

"Hello!" Your costumer friendly cheerful voice chatted.

"Ah agagagagagaga!" The brunette from before panicked as she turned to you, her hands stood confused before her chest.

"Hey miss" The tallest of the group, an ashy blond boy, spoke back to you. "We're sorry were standing here like bunch of idiots-"

"Speak for your self Jean! I feel in love with that loaf!"

"Sasha stop being such a glutton!" A girl with ebony hair spoke.

"Oh no it's fine, I just got these for you."

With steady hands a compressee smile on your face you extended the bag to Sasha's direction, the material flapping as it hung from your grip. Sasha's eyes shit wide open, they glimmered with tension and her mouth fell agape as she went to scream at you. Another boy, one with a buzzcut, quickly got his hands on her, linking his elbows inside hers as he wiggled his right palm to her mouth, ready to stop whatever sound the girl wanted to utter.

"Thank you! Please don't give food to Sasha so bluntly, she will bite your hand off." The ashy blonde told you and took a grip of the beige straps of the tote bag. His hand wiggled inside, grabbing a small loaf and he brought it to his nose to smell it before placing it into Sasha's hands.

"You bastars, did you just smell something that was a gift?"

"It smelled good Eren." The boy greeted his teeth.

"Not very accepting of you, she's giving us their most popular bread and the first thing you do is smell it?"

"You've been very annoying today Eren don't test me."

"Eren?" You said, shaking your head in disbelief "Eren Yeager? As in the kid who can turn into a Titan?"

Eren oggled his eyes in yours, marching a foot forward so he could come into a better view and opened his mouth to speak by flapping his lips together. You couldn't help but let out a giggle as you watched Jean roll his eyes at him before taking a step back and tapping Connie's shoulders in order to tell him to unhand Sasha. Any other group of teens would have annoyed you, but these young scouts in particular were known faces of the front lines and over the newspapers at some occasions. You couldn't really hold a grudge to teenagers with issues bigger than yours, you gave them that.

"Yes I am that-"

"Brats."

"I am that brat, what?"

Eren looked around in confusion, questionimg the words that had just left his mouth. You chuckled at him briefly, closing your eyes in the funny of the situation before shooting them open once again as you laid them on the person who had spoke over Eren.

Captain Levi. You almost gasped absurdly loud at the realisation.

Raven hair that shone with a strobe under the early morning light, a porcelain complecion to contrast it, a heart shaped face and narrow almond eyes with thick lashes, a nose that looked like it had been sculped by gods with uttmost delicacy and thin, a pair assymetrical lips that were pressed into a pout. He truly looked better that anyone you had even seen from up close and you found yourself choking with unsaid words as his gunmetal gaze was fixed on you.

"Are you the owner of the store?" He said bluntly, the question reminding you more of a statement.

"Ah, I'm, I'm not! My uncle is and-"

"See I told you he intimidates women!" Connie whispered to Sasha as she stuffed another bite of garlic bread into her mouth, earning a sharp glare from the captain. The duo burst in laughter shortly after the captain turned his gaze from them and you watched as he rolled his eyes at them while digging his lips under his teeth to sink them in his mouth.

"Speak up, my nails don't exactly smell like what you want to say."

You eyed him in confusion, struck by the bluntness of his sarcasm. Still you managed to gather your thoughts with a single inhale. "My uncle is the owner of the bakery, feel free to come in, I'll give fetch him."

"Hm"

With a nod the short man agreed to your proposal, fixing the waist height camel jacket on his chest. It was the beginning of a warm day in Trost, that was for sure and you could see the soldiers around you tense inside their attire slighty. The captain bored his eyes into yours once again as you gestured you to get into the store before him.

Sighing, you entered the the store, giving your brother a wide eyed look before with an awkward smile that vanished in a matter of seconds. You quickly checked to see that the group of teens were lazing out of the bakery, not bothering to follow their captain, as they chit chat they with each other quite loudly.

"Hi, have a seat captain, what can we get you? Something to drink? Or eat? " Your brother greeted from behind the stall, giving the gloomy captain an ear to ear grin.

"Just black tea. Unsweetened."

The captain waved off his hand as he took a seat on a dim lit table and you noticed as his body sank in the chair momentarily. A soft smile over came your features as you stared at him, taking in his bulky form as streaks of light peaked over him, inevitably bathing him in warm morning colors. His finger traced over the table, rubbing softly in a small area as if reluctantly inspecting it.

Of course, you were aware of his antics; many fellow shop owners would compete on who would get to provide captain Levi with his cleaning supplies on his monthly stroll around the town to shop necessities. His mania with cleaning was something that probably unbeknownst to him was a big thing for anyone to his service or even swooning fangirls.

Oh, he had a few of them.

Now, you could see why.

He stood so gloomyon his own, carrying such a mysterious aura around him. With his sleek hand holding the side of his face while being balled up in a tight fist, with his navy gray button down shirt and the knee length boots. Despite being as short as most people said, a fact you were trying to get in your head, because you've only seen him from afar and on his horse, he was still rather bulky, with thighs that were barely restrained by the straps of his gear. With biceps that flexed tight in his jacket.

Shoot, he kind if was a little dreamy, you weren't going to lie.

"Are you going to fetch our uncle or shall I give you a day off to drool over the captain?"

Oh, your brother was always quick to call you out on the bare minimum.

"Fine, fine. I'm off. By the walls."

Okay, yeah, so what if you found the captain a little dreamy, it wasn't going to hurt anyone.

.....

Thinking about your cleaning routine you had concluded that at this point you didn't know if this bakery smelled like the delicious fluffiness of freshly baked bread or sanitary products. People really seemed to compliment you on both nevertheless, whether on individual or collective level. You were simply happy about how most seemed to enjoy their experience at your bakery.

Most, but mostly him.

Captain Levi of the Scouts. He was a regular at your shop for, give or take, three months now. And you couldn't be more happy about it.

Just like today, he was usually dropping by on Mondays, each and every time with a new book in hand, dressed in casually formal attires, that mostly consisted of the same onyx suit and a dress shirt that sat too tight on his petrocals. Your brother would tease you afterwards, making snarkly comments about how you were flirting shamelessly with him, and you'd brush him off with a reply on how unresponsive the man was to anything.

Not convinced with the silly things you told yourself, you brother stood with his back against the bread shelves, grinning victoriously as the little bell of the store rang when the mighty captain slipped inside the store silently. You shit him a glare, a harsh furrowed glare before eyeing the apron that was hanging right next to him. Catching the signal, your brother grabbed the article and rouched it in his hands before tossing it to you.

"The usual?" You smiled slightly at Levi.

"Mhm"

Setting the apron over the bust of your dress, you drag your hands over the cotton front, pinching a few if the ruffles to perfection, then lowering your hands to the small of your back to idle with the straps of the waist in order to tie them in the perfect bow. The heels of your shoes clapped over the mahogany tiles of the floor as you run to the small kitchenette behind that cashier stall, just a few meters away from where your brother stood.

You bent down, then back up, examining the hangers in the area with a cocked eyebrow. Just where were your oven gloves?

"His apple pie is here," You brother said and you clapped a hand over your mouth "I took it out of the oven while you were drooling at him."

"No, oh my god! Is it baked?"

"Would I taken it out if it wasn't?"

You didn't reply. Instead, you chose to fixate your attention at the jars of tea that rested on the top shelf of the kitchenette. The choices weren't many, of course, your store wasn't exactly a tea shop or a coffee shop, the small variety of beverages you had only existed in order to help people digest their pastries better. Nothing too fancy. Yet, for Levi, you had spent days collecting some of the chamomile outside your house, you had tried drying red forests fruits, hell you had even tried making jasmine tea for him.

And for what?

Maybe the look on his face when you'd present him with a new tea blend was all the satisfaction you could use. Actually, that was the only thing it should be; the happiness of a service worker as their costumer enjoyed consuming their product, the fact that it made them come back, maybe the fact that despite not liking sweets they welcomed your pastries without objection.

But it wasn't just that. You knew, your brother knew, maybe even Levi knew and he pitied you.

You had fallen in love with Captain Levi. You had tried your best to supress it, to put it in a box, lock it and dig a hole twenty feet under the ground and bury it so light wouldn't see it again. Him and you weren't possible and you were more than aware ever since the very first day. Still, you had found him becoming so familiar to you in the little times you had seen him that you felt like you couldn't help yourself.

"Are you going to stand there for long? The kettle has been whistling for a long while now."

"Uhh, yes, yeah."

Shaking your thoughts out of your head you fixed your eyes on the whistling kettle. You took another step closer to it and since there wasn't any heat protecting glove in sight, you grabbed the length of your apron in your hand before wrapping your palm around the mettalic handle. You poured the hot water carefully into a large porcelain teapot, through the small almond tea brew that you had previously arranged onto the infuser.

"Don't have that face..."

"What face?" You asked nonchalantly and places the teapot on a tray, right next to the small pot of apple pie.

"You know.. the face... the I'm sad about my boyfriend face."

"I don't have that face." You snarled "and he's not my boyfriend. Shut up before he can hear you."

Walking to a glass shielded cupboard, you slid the little door open and grabbed a matching cup to the teapot, setting it too onto the tray. From the corner of your eye you watched as your brother sighed and shook his head disappointed in you, but you brushed it off quickly; you just wanted to give Levi his order, you'd have all day to endure your brother's teasing after the man of your desire left.

"Hello"

Levi's eyes shimmered as light splashed onto them; the little blue circles on the outer edge of his irises shone a different hue today, one that didn't accentuate the darkness of his eyebags, though it still was enigh to merge with how soft his time was to you.

"Hi" You pressed your lips together "here you go, almond tea and your apple pie."

"Ah, ye-yes, the apple, the apple pie."

Was he, by any chance, stuttering?

You glanced to the left and then to the right, then back to Levi again. Pressing your hand to his forehead didn't seem like a good idea, mostly because you respected his personal space and also because the man was quite fond of being obsessed over cleaningness and maybe your hands weren't clean enough for his standards. Or it could also be that you were overall too awestruck to do anything other than lean down closer to him, bum popping in the air, as your knees remained unbent.

"Is everything alright Captain?"

Had you been dense, you would have missed the way his eyes were magnetized by the action, and consequentially get back to your standing position. Levi quickly cleared his throat though and closed his eyes, brushing the happening off as if it had never happened.

"Yes, I'm, I'm good, just a little" He cough again "Isn't it a bit warm here?"

"Ah, yes, I mean it is a furnace. Anyways I'll leave you to your book."

"No you're welcome to-" Levi begun and his hand traced over the black leather cover of the book.

"What was that?"

"I said, you're welcome. And call me Levi, cut the shitty formalities."

As you turned on your heels to walk to your brother, you felt your heart skip not one, but numerous beats. Quickly, you left the tray on the counter before your brother and rushed to the back room of the store, desperate to hide the embarrassing joy you were feeling. You squatted down on a dim lit spot just behind a few sacks of flour and buried your face in your hands.

Nonetheless you sighed, setting your gaze at one sack of flour before you that was filled to the top, hoping the the neat white color would help you calm down. Why did it have to even be like this? With a deep sigh you put your hands over your knees and unbent them, your body willingly standing up as you wiped your eyebrow with the flat of your palm.

Your head was probably throbbing just as much as your heart.

You felt guilty that you experienced such emotions in the first place. You had been too eager to wear your heart upon your sleeve when it came to Levi that you ignored that most of your interactions rolled as awkwardly as this one.

Maybe that's why he stuttered.

Maybe he even had someone he had feelings for just like you had for him.

Maybe..

Maybe...

Maybe....

You kept repeating the word inside your head until it became a mushy pile of goo that stuck to a crevice of your mind and prevented it from functioning correctly. All you knew was that you had to finish baking the weekly amount loaves the scouts had ordered you. And that's what you set as your task. With your uncle nowhere near the store at this -ungodly for him- hour you walked to the enormous tin in which he kept the dough you were looking for.

All you had to do was shape it into loaves and bake it. Easy and soul mending.

It should be something that could keep your mind off of him for a long while.

.....

The sun shone a bright orange as it spilled from the small windows of the room, bathing the the enormous amount of loaves you had baked as they rested inside the deckles you had placed them in. The warmth of this evening was beyond bearable and combined with the heat of the furnace you could feel your cheeks going numb to the excessive heat.

A droplet of sweat run down your forehead, lukewarm as it was when it formed to the top of your hairline, freshening up a little ribbon over your skin. With the back of your hand covered by the edge of your apron you wiped it away, leaving your skin complaining over the harsh, erratic movement.

"I think your boyfriend is waiting for you."

You turned your head to your left when you heard the tomed down voice. Your brother, was leaning against doorframe of the workshop, his hands crossed and pressed sturdily across his chest, his hip pressing against the casing of the door. There was this warm expression all over his face, that little teasing glimmer that flickeres in his eyes as the light of the sunset painted him orange as well.

"For the last time," You furrowed your brows and looked away. "he's not my boyfriend. And he's free to stay here for as long as he wants."

"Please with how slow things between him and you are going I'm going to have to ask him to ask for your hand in marriage."

Just what you needed.

"Beau. No."

"(Y/n). Yes." He smiled at you once you rolled your eyes "Anyways, he's waiting to help you get the loaves to the Scouts Headquarters. Because I have a date to attend to."

You didn't speak, you didn't even throw your brother a glance as the words left his mouth. You simply furrowed your brows together painfully over your shut eyes and puckered your lips. Your hands reached to your bum, wiping down any residue of flour to the pleats of your skirt ithout giving it a second thought.

"Fine. I hope this isn't one of your match making tricks."

Your brother smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. You already knew what his answer was going to be.

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

....

The big wooden table that hung from the balcony above it read "Uncle Ben's leather goods" in a big, cursive font, and by the looks of it, Levi had stopped by to retrieve something commissioned for him by his squad. You curiously peaked once or twice inside the store, as you leaned over the cart, the tips of your fingers rubbing lines along the thick wooden borders.

Had you taken the shortcut you had suggested the trip to the headquarters was no more than ten minutes. This evening though, since you were accompanied by the captain himself, taking a shortcut wasn't exactly a preferable option in your agenta, thus, you hadn't insisted on it.

When he finally exited the store with a tote bag hanging from his shoulder you realised you hadn't spent a lot of time waiting for him, still the little commotion in your heart begged you to cease every single moment you had alone with him

"Okay, time to head off to the headquarters" You said with a soft smile.

Levi hummed in response and walked to the back side of the cart. With steady hands he pressed onto it, his fingers flexing onto the metallic handles. He hung his head low, his shaggy bangs waving over his eyes a little before he turned his head again to look at you. Gunmetal orbs fell into yours with serenity, blinking ever so slowly.

"You seem to be into reading, Levi." You said, your eyes being the first ones to look away.

"Ah, yes, I couldn't enjoy reading in the past thus I am doing so now."

You found yourself in loss of words for the thousandth time this evening. You didn't know what exactly you had to say to that, seeing you had heard rumors about him being a former thug, though in your best judgment that would be an intensitive subject to bring up. Immediately, your brother came to your mind, he would not hesitate to pester you for days you if you didn't make any progress over crush now, would he?

Maybe asking for his favorite literature genre was the way to go with this.

"What's your favorite gen-"

"Can I tell you somethin-"

Levi blinked his eyes rapidly into yours and you giggled slightly at his confused face. The ravenette stared back and forth between the two of you with puckered lips, wondering who shall speak first.

"Go ahead Levi."

"The almond tea you're serving me is rather good. Care to tell me how to make it on my own?"

A shy smile came over you, still you felt the need to conceal it. You could see the headquarters peaking from the other buildings in the background, the cobblestone color of the building contrasting the violet of the sky only ever so slightly. You didn't have that much time left with Levi and that was a fact, so now wasn't the time to get all shy.

"I'll bring you a jar next week then. Just a small one though, or not!"

"No?" Levi said and cocked an eye brow at you.

His eyes were fixated on you again, his features bearing a soft expression that you couldn't exactly pinpoint, still it spread a little warmth inside you. Instinctively you run your eyes over your outfit. The only thing you found was as perfect as it was when you left your house in the morning was the top of your dress. You slightly fixed the cord that was holding the corset part of your dress tied, tucking it into where it had escaped from.

You didn't let him know you caught him staring, but by the way he was looking at you, maybe he didn't have a certain someone among the scouts.

Or were you just seeing what you wanted?

"Of course not, I'm not about to lose a regular at my store."

"A regular huh?" Levi questioned with that nasal undertone of his

You looked at the sky before you went to answer him. The evening breeze smeeled wondrously, mixed with the mouth watering aroma of the slightly season with garlic and poppy seeds bread, you could even say it was heavenly. The air wasn't as heavy and awkward as you had expected, rather, Levi was in a somewhat playful mood if you could place it correctly.

It struck you that he might have been like that because he was feeling the change in the atmosphere as well.

"Would you like to be more than a regular?" You paused "shoot never mind that"

"What was that? More than a regular?"

"Yes, a super regular!" You smiled slyly.

"If you keep spurting entertaining crap like that more often I might be tempted to become one."

Without realising it, you found yourself gaining confidence over the little territory you had conquered in the captain's mind. Every step you took that lead ultimately led you to the Headquarters was a proof of that. Levi seemed to be as bummed as you, he seemed to be flustered like a teen whose date had ended, you could see it now for some reason.

And when it came to you, your feet weren't shaky anymore, your voice wasn't the squeaky polite voice you'd put on for strangers. This was the first time in a long while where you felt like you could be yourself in Levi's presence and you couldn't help but hope there would be more instances like this.

"Here we are."

"Yes, here we are." Levi sighed, turning his face to look at you.

"I uhm, I'll help you get those in."

"No need to, I'll have the brats sweat for it, I haven't tortured them in a long while."

You couldn't help but laugh a little at that comment, though the bubbling sound died down immediately, bowing before the reality of your current situation. Your stroll around Trost had come to end. What an unfair way for your little walk to die.

Nevertheless your chest rose and fell as you looked at Levi, your heart pulping hard inside your chest. Heat rushed just under your skin, stinging you in millions of places at once as you contemplated on what to say next. You were going to speak, and very soon at that, just omge you found the words to do so.

"I'd like to see you again." You spoke, though you doubted this was the right choice of words.

"You see me every single week."

"Not like that!"

"Tch, then?" He clicked his tongue.

Your stomach turned. It twisted and turned and tied itself in a horrid knot; you couldn't just not panic. At his cocked brow, the little press of his lips, the way his eyes remained narrowed as the glared at you. On no, this was your doom for being bold before, wasn't it?

"Like this, but, without the bread."

You didn't miss the way his eyes softened at your words, frankly because it was a rather beautiful sight. The little creases of his eyes overlaoped each other, narrowing his gaze with a mellow tint that was gone as soon as you blinked. It only made you feel like you shouldn't blink again as to not miss his small reactions.

"Hmh, that can be arranged."

Honestly, you couldn't wait until then.

Taglist: @sasageyowrites @ackermans-freedom-inc @melancholicmonologue @ladyofpandemonium @levisbrat25 @hawkssnugget @berrijam @lzrers @levisbrat25 @callmepromise

[rosafione]

"Come Closer."

title; How Far Will I Fall, 'Till You Catch Me In your Arms

pairing; xiao x reader

desc; you never really lacked the guts for these kinds of things, but before everything else, you valued his feelings, and most of all, his consent. in the end, it still takes two to tango.

a/n; xiao drabble xiao drabble xiao drabbleee now, he might be ooc, im not sure, but this is mostly just an hc if you guys are close— to an extent muahahahahaha

Time was at a standstill for a certain young adeptus.

For someone who's lived a millennia, you'd think two months would only feel like a second. Before, Xiao would not deny the frequency of those moments— of loneliness, and melancholy; Of time spent watching the Guyun Stone Forest and awaiting his time to strike.

Every day that passed was one spent with his guard high, back then.

And yet now, those moments seemed as if they existed in a far different time. A time before the Traveler plunged Osial into the ocean, stripping them of their adeptal duties and eliminating a cause for Liyue to seek their guidance.

Though possibly the greatest disparity from that time could be that.. It was a time before you— before he had you by his side.

You were a mortal, one he considers to be above average, yet a mortal, nonetheless. You still had times where your humanity catches up to you, and you are left vulnerable in the hands of the evil that lurks among the lands of Tevyat.

Xiao met you at your weakest; But he watched you grow into your shell.

It wasn't as if he regarded you with any special fondness. At first. You were no different from any other mortal that walked Liyue— a fragile creature he was tasked to protect, and a being he needed to steer clear off, lest he harm you with his adeptal energy. (Death from the sheer force of it was no stranger to him. He does not want to carry another human's death on his shoulders.)

Xiao had a complicated relationship with the mortal realm. It was not disdain he harbored for humans, only vigilance and curiosity.

Their realm and the adepti's were two worlds apart.

What differed you from the mortals is that you crossed that distance. And somehow, you stood before him, right in the in between.

He wonders how you do it; You've always been unyielding in his presence. He knows you are aware of his prowess, but every time he looks at you, there is nothing but fondness and adoration he sees in your ancient gaze.

You offered him Almond Tofu almost every day. It makes him anticipate your troubles, yet you do no else other than indulge him in small chats, and silly escort commissions into the mountains or the forest. At times, you'd just watch him feed on your offerings.

He knew it was a bribe, the Almond Tofu. You did it almost everyday— Until you didn't have to.

At some point, Xiao stopped denying your presence. He's warned you enough— He respected you enough to know that you were an adult, and you could think for yourself. And though the moments you'd offer him were memories worthy to look back on, he dares not seek you out.

But he didn't have to. You always came to him first.

His relationship with you only grew from there. It was no earth-shattering occurrence, that's for sure. It was a parasite that he didn't know had been rooting itself into his being so deeply that he cannot bring himself to part with it.

Though if not a shocking event, it was still a crushing revelation.

"Good day, Xiao."

The lady-in-charge, Verr, seemed to be searching for something before her gaze flitted back to his. "No Y/N today?"

"Y/N is off to the harbour for a few days," he'd answered instinctively as he walked to the usual table prepared for him near the kitchen.

"And you didn't come with?"

His slit brows raise in confusion. "Why would I?"

"Oh dear, my apologies. I just figured—" a bashful chuckle leaves her— "Since I see you guys together all the time."

He frowns at the memory. It was a realization that started his resolve to put some distance, yet it was also the beginning of your.. lengthy travels.

When your few days became a few weeks, his resolve easily yielded to his eagerness in meeting you once more.

-

Time used to pass by swiftly, but nowadays, a year spent with you feels as if he had already spent half of his life.

He sighs, shaking his head at himself. "Reduced to just standing around. How absurd."

"If you think standing around was such an absurd concept then why do you still reject the idea of travelling with me?"

The familiar voice wills him to rip his gaze away from the scenery.

He knows it is yours— your steps, your scent, your weight, your presence. Xiao feels you the moment you stepped into the inn. Yet he does not move, run, nor show any sign of the buzz that vibrates from inside his chest.

Yet when he sees you, you are beautiful, safe. Ephemeral.

He forgets every aching minute he's spent in the eight weeks you were not in his vicinity.

Time runs again.

Still, everything about you is slow; The way you walk carefully to his side, the way you drag your fond gaze from his, to the scenery before you.. The way your hair flows and dances with the evening breeze.

He knows. The wind has always favored you.

"Ever since meeting the Traveler, all you've talked about is travelling," he chose to say.

"With you."

"What?" he frowns.

"I mean that yes, all I've talked about is travelling—" you chuckle bashfully, averting your eyes away from his— "That is, travelling.. But with you."

His eyes widen, then hardening with a purse of his lips, before he turns to glare into the distance. "My answer will not change. I cannot leave Liyue."

"And my reply is the same," you sigh. "The place does not matter. As long as we'd be together."

It is a sensitive topic, and an inevitable taboo.

There was a line neither of you should ever cross— a line he's put there himself, and one he disdains all the same.

Silence ensues. It is a frequent occurrence, ever since you first brought up the prospect of adventuring. Stubborn and troublesome. Xiao finds himself needing to track back in conversations just to figure you out.

Mortals were such complex creatures.

And yet it was so easy for you to read him like an open book. Or so he assumes. You always knew how you'd deal with him. Even Xiao knows that it is no easy feat.

"You're always like this," he grumbles.

You do not answer, and he settles for the tranquility, all the tension leaving his body; And for once, after two months, he felt as if he could actually breathe.

He wonders how much longer he'd be stuck in this area of torment and bliss. Wonders how much longer he'll continue to drag you into it.

Wonders when you'll snap and just leave him all together.

He frowns grumpily at the thought.

-

"Can I?" you ask.

Xiao looks into your eyes— swirling hues that didn't return his gaze, far focused on a lower part of his face. His lips, he realizes. Your gaze had been focused on his lips.

The epiphany wills a streak of crimson to rise to the tips of his ears, and his own focus is stolen away by the pink appendage that wets your lips.

"Your question is incomplete," he says instead, feigning ignorance.

Shaking his head, Xiao crosses his arms and forces himself to concentrate on your eyes. Only on your eyes.

Maybe then, he wouldn't get so distracted.

"Regardless of how your question would go, I don't understand why you need my opinion," he huffs, grumbling. "It's your body. You would know it best."

You press your lips together. A gentle, bashful smile spreading on your face as a fond look emerges in your eyes. "My apologies," you chuckle. "It was the wrong question to ask."

He faces you to narrow his eyes at your suspicious behavior, but he's far too distracted by the way your hand lifts, trailing from the side of his neck to gently cup his cheek, and his breath hitches, eyes widening.

Warmth radiated from your touch. Xiao knows better than to reject such touches any longer when with you. So he leans into it, presses his head closer to your palm, closing his eyes and exhaling in surrender.

"What i meant to ask was," he opens his eyes to look at you.

Your gazes clash. They meld and melt into each other as you slowly raise yourself closer and closer — or perhaps it was him who'd been leaning down.

The hand that traces the tattoo on his right arm, as well as the other that caresses his face with an aching gentleness, reels him in. enthralls him. It lures him into succumbing to your presence, and his body goes through that familiar feeling of softening under your touch.

"May I?" you whisper.

Suddenly, you are leaning in more eagerly— more determined, as if with a clear intent in mind. He thinks he understands your words enough now, swirling in his mind, goes through consideration, and the one practical response he could muster with his focus in a jumble is to deny you permission.

He gulps soundly; He can't bring himself to.

Xiao thinks this is it, watching you move in as he struggles to keep his eyes from fluttering shut. He thinks it would be this moment— this moment in which he dooms the unspoken rule between mortals and adepti. Dooms the contract he's worked so hard to fulfill in service of Lord Morax, now Zhong Li. He'd doom your friendship, or whatever it is you've offered him up to this point.

Yet even then.. Even then, he doesn't say no.

He stays quiet; Waiting. Wanting.

It's funny— the mortal language, how one could switch out a letter, and a word would seem that much different.

It was true, nonetheless.

Xiao waits. Xiao wants.

He wants the closeness, the intimacy— the affection you provide. He wants your lips to meet his just to know if it is as soft as the rest of you is. He wants to see if a kiss— curious, like a child— truly lives up to the countless tales told by the experienced. He wants to know.. If you will give him those answers.

His amber eyes meet yours. He does not breathe, as if doing so would scare you away. As if doing anything would give you a response he does not want to give.

It is enough. Your noses bump for a second, his eyes fluttering closed; Your scent wafts from beneath his nose, crisp burning incense, molded into the fresh smell of the forest that is brought about by the wind.

He curves into you, a single thought shaking him to the core, making him tremble - so utterly pathetic.

'Please..'

Your lips do not meet.

And suddenly, there is too much air between you and him.

Xiao opens his eyes to see you trailing back, fidgety— you looked like a walking contradiction, twitching fingers trying to cross the distance, gaze darting between looking away or staring regretfully at his lips.

There was a crimson hue staining your cheeks, he noticed.

"Why.." he whispers, then catches himself.

The inside of his chest strains from all the emotions he has to keep hidden— all the emotions he has to keep denying.

Disappointment. Loneliness. Exhaustion. Desperation.

Xiao wants.

-

You couldn't believe you almost kissed him.

It was a heavy violation of contract— not that you two had ever agreed to one, but it was an unspoken compromise. It was a truth you both knew, yet continued to ignore.

So that this— whatever this was, could survive.

Archons, you almost laid it all to waste!

(Either way, any decision would still leave you with regrets, had you continued or pulled away.)

"Ah, would you look at that!" you laughed out loud in a panic, perhaps to cover up the tense atmosphere. "I did it again! I asked a question without completing it, yeah? Guess it's a really bad habit on mine!"

Xiao does not answer. You spare him a look. And you wish you hadn't.

He looks dejected, disappointment and frustration showing through his slit eyebrows and wide eyes.

As if your choice was a surprise to him.

As if he wanted you to continue.

As if.

You couldn't deny you wanted it, too. Whatever he could give you. And, more.

You mentally scold yourself, knowing you're already stretching Xiao's patience with your friendship as it is.

You have to remind yourself that Xiao is immortal, and no matter how humane he may seem, you cannot trouble him with matters such as the turmoil in your heart.

It's really hard to say anything, when all the thoughts that circle in your head is how wonderful he is. How amazing he makes you feel. How he is all you've ever wanted for the whole year since you've realized you'd developed a certain affection for him.

"Sorry, Xiao," you say, throat tightening with bubbles of emotions threatening to spill. "I should.. Go away, for some time."

( And the first thing Xiao thinks is to dejectedly reply 'Again.?' )

"No," he says all too quickly, detaching from the banister.

"No?" you echo, confused. "N-no what?"

"Stay," he says, but it is not a command. Not from the adeptus. It is a soft request; A wavering plea that reaches to you soul.

"Where?" you ask. 'How far?'

"Here," he whispers now. "With me."

You push your luck, craving just a bit more patience from Xiao.

"Close?"

You could see Xiao consider. His eyes showing his heart, but his silence showing his mind.

He gives in.

"Close."

That day was the nearest you've peered, held and embraced Xiao's soul, moving closer, and softly leaning your forehead on his, clenching onto the white fabric of his shirt as he loosely wraps an arm around your waist— under the watchful eyes of the night sky.

There is still a distance that Xiao dares not cross.

And for now, maybe it's enough.

[icequeenbae]

Girl, I’m Your Catnip (m) | BBH

Pairing: wolf!Baekhyun x caracal!Reader

Hybrid AU, slice of life, some fluff, PWP, smut

Warnings: altered mental state (in a way?), Baek snapped, rough sex, unprotected sex, overstimulation, knotting, cross-breeding?

Word Count: ~3.4k

Summary: You’d been pretty stressed at work lately, so your boyfriend decided to bring something special to help you unwind.

© Please do not copy/ post on other platforms without permission.

Author’s note: I’m back with... Catnip. Seriously. I’m not even a cat person 😅 This was something quick and out of the blue. But I really enjoy hybrid aus, and this is definitely not the first or the last one I’ve written… It’s quite different from my other stories so far (pls read the warnings). Expect minimal plot (minimal… for me) and lots of feral sex unconventional stress relief lmao P.S. Thanks to @baekshoney​ for being quick at reading through when I come at her with these, even when they’re out of her comfort zone <3

It’d been weeks since you came home early enough to really hang out with Baekhyun. The closing phase of your project lasted longer than anticipated, and it was taking a great toll on you, both physically and mentally. Working long hours was one thing, but the atmosphere was not the greatest either. A couple cutthroat colleagues kept compromising the team’s integrity, creating additional stress for the hardworking and meticulous people like you. There was literally no time to deal with the internal drama while you had a deadline approaching fast.

Luckily enough, your significant other was most understanding during this time. Running you a bubble bath to soak in for twenty minutes after especially tough days, feeding you delicious late-night dinners… Or holding you in a tight lock of his arms when you broke down right at the threshold from exhaustion and nerves. He went as far as doing all the chores and grocery shopping by himself, which left you feeling rather guilty for not being able to reciprocate his care. What kind of shitty girlfriend were you? The constant nagging of the inner voice in the back of your head was making the anxiety grow.

Although Baekhyun assured you time and time again that it was fine, you kept insisting that you were going to make it up to him. Which nearly made you cry on the spot. Your usual way of giving back was making him a nice dinner, organizing a cozy movie night with his favorite snacks, or even bringing your favorite almond oil to give him a relaxing massage. All of those scenarios inevitably ended with the two of you tangled up in bed till indecent hours of the morning, having a whole lot of steamy sex. These days, however, you were unable to recuperate and loosen up enough to do any of it. You’d not been intimate with your partner for at least three weeks, and while he was a complete sweetheart (he usually was) about it, that made you feel even more burdensome to him.

So much so, that you promised your boyfriend to get drunk the first night following submission of the presentation, to take the edge off, and simply allow him to do whatever he wanted with you. Baekhyun insisted that he didn’t have much use of you while shitfaced, and would rather have you well-rested and enjoying the process. Still, you were set on having no more delays, so you informed him that you’d finally be free from the project this Friday, and he should be pouring champagne for you as you walk through the door. Taking his previous comments into consideration, you ruled out the hard liquor and decided to only get heavily tipsy. Being horribly drunk did not seem like an arousing option you should be presenting your overly patient and caring boyfriend with.

Come Friday, as you finally submitted your presentation, you texted Baekhyun at least two hours in advance that you were definitely on track to spend the evening with him. Fortunately for you, he was going to come home a bit late, so you even had a head start to do all of the necessary preparations. That’s to say, you were stuck in the bathroom for over an hour and a half. You were ecstatic to finally have enough time to groom properly – your caracal nature always called for it. Pleased with how smooth and refreshed your skin looked after the long-awaited pampering, you exited the bathroom to go pick your poison for tonight.

You were so ready to get your drinks and relinquish all control to Baekhyun that you got startled when you saw him already heading towards you.

‘Oh! I didn’t hear you come in,’ you chirped.

‘Are you already drunk?’ He sniffed the air, shaking his head. ‘I guess not. You smell good,’ he smiled as you reached him and wrapped your arms around his neck with all the feline grace you had in you.

‘I really missed you,’ you purred as his warm hand settled on the small of your back comfortably.

His scent made you want to rub your face on him, to get more of it on you. How terribly you must’ve missed him! In the beginning, it took you a bit to get used to the notorious ‘smell of a dog’ inevitably coming off of him. But you’d strangely grown to like it a lot, despite being the very whimsical wild cat hybrid that you were. Now, however, you’d stayed away for a while, and the scent lingering on his skin seemed so pleasant that you wanted to cover your entire body in it. But then again, it’d been so long that the desire to pounce him mixed with the fear of not being able to do well. What if you took longer to get ready now? Or to come? What if you couldn’t make him come? Surely you needed to take good care of him to repay all the weeks he’d been an angel for your sake.

‘I missed having you all to myself too, honey,’ he smiled crookedly, leaning in to give you a kiss. ‘You seem a bit tense,’ he noted when you swerved your short tail with slight agitation. ‘If it’s about sex, I told you we don’t have t-’

‘I want to!’ You quickly interrupted. ‘I don’t want to wait anymore, Baekhyunie. Just a little help to relax my stressed mind and body is all I need. Then we’ll get to it.’

Baekhyun sighed, shaking his head, allowing you to pull him back into your bedroom.

‘Doesn’t your head always hurt after you drink?’

‘It’s worth it,’ you replied firmly and turned to him. ‘Let’s just treat it as a celebration. I’ll bring the bottle here.’

He grabbed your wrist swiftly, before you took another step towards the door.

‘I-’ he looked away, tail stilling as he was considering something. ‘I have another idea, actually. You trust me, right?’

Giving him a curious look, you nodded. Of course, you trusted him; more than anyone in the world, more than yourself at times. Although he was a ‘big bad wolf’ (still, only bad enough to eat the last slice of his absolute favorite Hawaiian pizza while you weren’t looking), and your relationship wasn’t very ‘likely’… He’d managed to charm you, and you’d been together for a long time since. And your wolf’s embrace made you feel so tiny and secure, that you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else at this point, all initial reservations evaporated.

‘We can try something else. Something that shouldn’t be as toxic as drinking, but also have you release the tension and relax. I got it on my way here,’ he began, making you even more interested in what it was.

Taking notice of your stare, he continued.

‘Um- I just need to be sure that you want this. Your unbiased decision. Like I said, we don’t have to f-’

‘Don’t feel bad about it, making it up to you will make me happy,’ you raised an open palm in front of his chest when he tried to protest. ‘If it can help me make you feel good, whatever it is, I trust you. I missed being… close to you.’

He chewed on his lip, and nodded.

‘Alright. I’ll use the bathroom for a sec, and you can get on the bed, okay?’

Somewhat surprised that he didn’t tell you what exactly he was planning, you complied, lying down on your belly to wait for him. It took him a few unbearably long minutes, during which you stared the door down, tail swinging impatiently. He made minimal sound after the water was turned off, so you had no idea what was happening in there.

‘Babe, need some help in there?’ You offered and sat up just as the door flew open.

He emerged from the bathroom shirtless, sporting nothing but sweatpants. His skin was shimmering slightly, and you licked your lips at the sight of his lean torso. All of the events and worries of the past few weeks were instantly forgotten.

‘Took you long enough,’ you mumbled grumpily. ‘What were you doing in there?’

He tilted his head to the side, a textbook sign of puppy confusion.

‘Do you… notice anything?’

You pouted, unsure as to what you were supposed to notice. He looked the same. A bit freshened up and half-undressed, but still the same.

‘Ah- maybe it doesn’t work on you,’ he scratched the back of his head sheepishly, halting an arm’s length away. ‘My bad.’

‘What doesn’t wo-’ as he turned around to supposedly walk back to the bathroom, it hit you.

Oh, it hit you, indeed.

Before you could think, you gripped his wrist to prevent him from moving away.

‘W-what- is-’ you stuttered, pulse suddenly escalating.

Baekhyun gulped at the sight of your dilated, almost shaking pupils. You tugged him closer after you moved up to the edge of the bed. The scent that penetrated your nostrils almost took you out.

‘What is that?’ You finally managed, swallowing the saliva that was rapidly collecting in your mouth.

Jerking him forward, you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck.

‘Do you like it?’

You didn’t answer, too busy running your tongue over his collarbone with a long groan. Without even noticing the death grip you had on him, you dragged him onto the bed as you swallowed his scent and tasted his delectable skin, going increasingly mad from the sweetness.

‘What is this, Baekhyun,’ you sobbed, covering his chest in frenzied kisses, while the burning arousal made your insides constrict. ‘Oh god- I want all of you. On me. And- in me. Oh fuck,’ you were almost feverish as you pushed him in the chest to get him to lie back, and ripped his sweatpants off without a second thought.

‘Y/N, slow down,’ your boyfriend warned, and you didn’t care.

You wanted that taste in your mouth again, the one that was all Baekhyun, but sweeter, more intense. Nibbling on the gentle skin under his belly button, you quickly found your way down to his balls. Whimpering at the addicting taste, you took one in your mouth, playing with it diligently, sucking and licking, while your boyfriend stirred underneath and reached for your hair to get it out of the way. Your tongue on his most sensitive spots quickly made him harden, and you waited no more than necessary to stuff his entire cock in your mouth.

At that, you both moaned.

Frantically bobbing your head, you sucked harshly on it, making him thicken further. You shoved it in your mouth almost aggressively, choking on him, chasing the feeling that lingered in your throat after your nose met his smooth skin. He prepared too.

Swallowing around him, you groaned as you kept moving your head, spit mixing with precum and collecting at the corners of your mouth.

‘Fuck, kitten- you’d be mute tomorrow if you keep at it,’ Baekhyun gritted, pulling you off of his dick by the hair.

You wailed, like a cat being dragged by its tail, and clawed at his thigh for interrupting. His pained grunt went unnoticed since you immediately moved on to exploring the taut skin of his stomach all the way up to his pecs. Rubbing your face onto it, tonguing his abs and his nipples, you shuddered as the dreamy haze of desire surrounded you like mist.

It would’ve definitely been scary had Baekhyun not prepared in advance. Still, seeing you this out of your mind for him was nothing like he expected.

‘Please fuck me,’ you muttered into his sternum after ripping the last of your clothes off. ‘Scent me, come inside me, knot me. Make me raw. I don’t care. I want you,’ you sobbed, gnawing on his shoulder impatiently as his arms pulled you closer.

‘Don’t fret, you know I’m gonna take good care of you, baby,’ you jolted as his fingers slid between your wet lips to check.

Your arousal was already dripping out, so Baekhyun mercifully spared you any additional foreplay, simply sinking you down on his cock.

‘Agh!’ Your inner walls instantly contracted around him. ‘Yes, yes,’ you mouthed into his neck, licking at it as he bottomed out again and again.

Unable to hold back, you responded to his movement by slamming your pelvis down onto his repeatedly, with enough force to hurt, so he had to brace you by the hips to prevent you from injuring yourself. The smell of your overwhelming arousal made his mind blurry too, so he kept watching you with heavy-lidded eyes while you bounced on him like your life depended on it.

Scratching at his skin, you kept whining for your boyfriend to get closer, to scent you. He finally gave in, biting down on your neck gently to distract you and then flipping you onto your back promptly. Ignoring the feral hiss that escaped your mouth, he leaned forward to grant you full skin to skin contact while his hips continued jerking in and out of you.

Your mind went blank from the building pleasure. It was filling your entire being with desperate anticipation, the taste, the smell, all of the sensory feedback was elevated. Only your vision seemed impaired since you couldn’t blink away the thickening red fog of lust.

The divine smell was all over your skin now, and Baekhyun’s pelvis was almost glued to yours, grazing over your clit with every sway of his hips. He growled at how slick it felt between your bodies, and how deliciously lewd the sounds of him fucking you were. He knew the essential oil he used didn’t have much effect on him, only felines could fall under its spell. But he hadn’t been intimate with you for a long while now, and, frankly, he’d never seen you like this before. You were absolutely wild underneath him, clawing at his back like an angry cat, moaning and whining so loudly, it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight. He’d never heard you sound like this, so irrepressible and untamed, and it was incredibly sexy. In a way, it triggered his more primal side to take control.

Suddenly feeling the power he had over you, he angled his hips and rammed into you, skin slapping your puffy lips repeatedly as you cried out in despair.

‘I’m not gonna stop,’ he leaned in and growled almost animalistically into your ear. ‘Before I ruin your little hole. You’ve been on the edge there for a while, haven’t you, kitten?’

Reveling in the mewl you responded with, he slid two fingers into your mouth and kept talking.

‘All helpless and needy underneath me. Entirely at my mercy,’ he pressed down on your tongue, making your throat relax to accommodate. ‘Do you enjoy being destroyed?’

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as your orgasm hit. A muffled scream drowned out by his palm almost made his own release hit him, but Baekhyun had other plans.

Pulling out for a few seconds, he wiped away the sweat that was dripping from his forehead to his eyes, and rolled your limp body over. Allowing you a few seconds to cool down, he gripped his rock-hard flesh at the base and landed a sharp slap onto your supple ass cheek.

‘Baek,’ you squealed, registering the shuffling behind. ‘Wait- no,’ protesting weakly, as he got on top of you again. You took notice of the way his dick was nestled snugly between your bodies and guessed his intention.

‘You didn’t think we were done, did you, baby?’ He gave your ear a long lick, causing you to shiver.

‘B- Baekhyunie,’ you puled pathetically, still too overwhelmed. ‘I can’t-’

The sentence was drowned out by his growl. Your state pushed him too far to just stop now.

‘You’ll comply and come again, all while I load you up, got it?’ He slipped back inside, testing your body’s response.

As expected, you were still soaked from your previous activities, so he ignored the instant jolt of your body. It wasn’t something you did often, overstimulation, but your partner knew he could make you come like this if he hurried up, so that was exactly his plan.

‘No,’ you whined capriciously, your cat instincts making you protest against the intrusion while too sensitive. Your tail patted against Baekhyun’s side relentlessly, although most of it was trapped between you.

‘I can make you,’ he rolled his hips, knowing that in a few minutes you would beg him to make you come again, even though it seemed more like torture now.

‘Ah it hurts!’ You cried out, latching onto his thigh, claws out.

‘Oh, so you’re gonna be like that?’ He growled lower, making you hiss in a natural response and draw blood with your sharp nails.

He licked a sensitive spot between your shoulder blades as a warning.

‘Don’t make me do this,’ he snarled, but you kept trying to shove him off of you. ‘Okay, you fucking got it.’

Baekhyun snapped, locking his sharp teeth on your withers – the magical spot on your spine, just below the neck; your feline heritage. Instantly, your fingers grew weak and you whined feebly as his hips moved again. He picked up his pace gradually, readjusting your thighs to have more of a room to increase amplitude. You trembled helplessly, pinned down his weight and wailing into the pillow as his determined ministrations had the anticipation build once again. With the discomfort you initially had subsiding, you’d given up on the attempts to escape your lover.

Feeling the tight pulsation around his flesh, Baekhyun released your skin and started licking over the teeth marks right away.

‘That’s more like it,’ he hummed in your ear as you whined pathetically, feeling your eyes water from the intensity of the impending release. ‘I’m going to fill you up. Yes- come like this,’ he urged, intertwining his fingers with yours, and you could not disobey.

‘Baek-’ you squealed, your entire body shuddering underneath him as your muscles contracted once again from a mind-blowing wave of pleasure.

He delivered a few more quick, shallow thrusts before his hips stuttered and he moaned lowly as thick warmth flooded your insides.

You felt full and content, the fogginess of your mind clearing up slowly. Belatedly you realized that he actually knotted you – something he didn’t do often since you weren’t the same species (or trying for a baby at this point). But it felt good, and your walls were still pulsating around him, electricity jolting through you with every gentle lick of Baekhyun’s tongue over the spot where his teeth had left a reddish mark.

‘Mhm,’ you hummed, and Baekhyun shifted his weight to his elbows.

‘Sorry, I got a bit carried away,’ he admitted, planting soft kisses along your spine.

‘It was great,’ you yawned, noting casually. ‘You knotted me.’

‘Yeah, it will deflate soon,’ he rubbed his face between your shoulder blades affectionately, and you squirmed. ‘Does anything hurt? How are you feeling?’

‘Um- no, nothing hurts. At least not yet,’ you chucked, assuming that the soreness would come tomorrow. ‘I’m just exhausted. And still a bit… dazed?’

‘Yeah, I think it’s all evaporated from my skin. Or licked off,’ he snickered. ‘Still smell the remnants of it in the air, but to me it’s not as prominent as your arousal.’

‘What was it, actually?’

‘You didn’t get it?’ Baekhyun laughed, finally slipping out and rolling off to the side, allowing you to glance at him. ‘Catnip. I got a little roll-on thingy with the essential oil. Didn’t realize it’s that strong though.’

‘Are you serious?’ You smacked him on the top of the head in a very feline way. ‘That thing is like a drug for cats!’

‘It’s safe. You were under supervision, and it has no lasting effects. And it’s not addictive,’ he clarified. ‘I consulted.’

‘Always prepared, aren’t you?’ Smiling, you shoved him in the chest. ‘I can’t believe you drugged me with catnip to fuck me. Tsk, what a jerk you are,’ you purred, scolding him.

‘Don’t act like we’re not doing this again soon,’ Baekhyun smirked, planting a quick kiss to the tip of your nose.

‘I’m so going to get you for this, Baek. I will!’ You threatened, allowing him to sneakily drag his tongue over your lower lip in a playful apology lick before you pushed him away to yawn again.

‘I’ll be waiting,’ he chuckled and moved closer again to stroke your back tenderly. ‘Just have some rest first, kitten.’

A/N: Whew, my first hybrid au posted 🤗 I hope you guys love the multi-faceted wolf!Baekhyunie haha Let me know whether he was different from what you’d expected. And I’m still encouraging you to share your thoughts on what kind of aus / tropes you enjoy 😊 It’s always interesting to find out what my readers like. Thank you for sticking around and welcome to the blog if you’re new!

[zeldas-cigarrette]

Hiii! I so enjoy your writing so I was wondering would you like to write one for me? The reader is eating a snack, maybe tea and biscuits and Vinnie T is under the table waiting for food. She can’t resist those puppy eyes so she gives him some crumbs. She knows tho that Zelda, always tell her not to spoil him all the time. So I was just wondering what could happen if they two get busted while doing so, but in the end Zelda can’t really scold the two cuz she thinks they are just so adorable as they get along so well? Thank you so much xx

Heyy<3 Thank you so much and I hope you like it:) sorry for the delay !!

Snack time.

After an exhausting night shift at the hospital, you were looking forward to coming home and have breakfast or just a quick snack before going to bed. It was still early when you arrived at the Spellman Mortuary, you weren’t sure if Zelda was up yet or if she was still sound asleep underneath the comforting covers of her bed. With a soft creak, the door opens and the smell of herbs surround you. It was a sign that the younger Spellman sister was already on her feet, preparing everything for the day. You were tired and it was hard for you to keep your eyes open, this occurred often when you were bound to spend your night at the hospital.

„Good Morning Darling, just sit down I’ve already prepared something,” Hilda said and pointed to the table. „Good Morning,” it was a tired mumble but the blonde Brit smiled knowingly. The little brown dog was licking in his bowl, eager to get every possible crumb in his belly. When Vinnie spotted you sitting on a chair, he excitedly wiggled over to you and jumped in ecstasy. Zelda’s familiar grew to your heart and you adored him to pieces. It was hard to resist giving him food because every time his brown eyes widened when you just took a bite from anything. Zelda always kept a close eye on what he gets, she didn’t want him to be spoiled. Though you always found a way to snuck something under the table for him.

Hilda placed tea and a small plate filled with biscuits in front of you before giving you the last nudge. The woman was busy, she had to be at Dr. C’s book store in ten. The morning sun decided to peek through the clouds and light up the sky. Vinnie T’s head rested on your thigh since he jumped up from the chair next to you. It seemed as if his eyes pierced through the biscuit in your hand. „You’ll get something when I’m done,” you whispered caressing his fur. He seemed to understand at first when he averted his eyes from the little morning snack, but just minutes later his eyes were fixed on the almond cookie again. The looks he gave the biscuit in your hands ached your heart. You broke off a small piece from it and let him lick the tiny crumbled from out of your hand. Vinnie growled in response. A small chuckle left your throat before you repeated the procedure. He licked your hands until there was nothing left, though his tongue often searched for hidden crumbles between your fingers. „Okay, little one, last piece and don’t tell Zelda,” you hummed and sprinkled the last few crumbs in the palm of your hands. „Tell me what?” a Sharp Voice from behind startled you.

Your head jolted in her direction, „Nothing my love,” your voice pitched. „You were feeding Vinnie again, weren’t you?” „No, what are you trying to say?” you scoffed, „I’d never ever feed him my biscuits.” The redhead only shook her head in disbelief. „Didn’t I tell you to not spoil him?” „I don’t remember,” you sweetly hummed and took a bite of the cookie. As said, it was hard to resist Vinnie’s longing eyes for anything edible, so you gave in. „Vinnie get off the chair,” Zelda demanded and in under a second, the little brown dog was back on the floor, whining. „I told you, a million times, correct me if I’m wrong, that he does get enough food and does not need any meals in between,” your girlfriend explained sitting down on the chair where Vinnie had rested. „Come on Zelds, it was barely a meal. Just small crumbs and you know how his eyes light up when he gets little treats,” you explained and took her hand. „You’re too good for this world,” the older woman sighed and turned her gaze on her familiar. „I know,” you replied sarcastically, earning a playful nudge in the side.

„I’ll go get some sleep Zelds,,” you yawned, covering your mouth with your hand, „I love you.” A spark appeared in both her green eyes, „I love you too, get some rest,” her voice turned soft and the witch placed a soft kiss on your temple. You left the room with Vinnie who was eager to catch up your pace.

[whump-town]

Kittens

I wrote something along these lines as an idea a while ago and I finished it now in-between breaks I’ve allowed myself between an essay I have to write. I figured it’s not my best but no one gets hurt and Hotch talks to a cat for the majority of it so it’s not that bad

The creaking of the old floorboards stops Hotch from going down the hall and checking to make sure Jack is up. He stands for a moment at the mouth of the hallway, listening to Jack curse and mumble under his breath. Most of which, he can’t hear but there are dips in Jack’s voice which allow for only certain words to float their way down to him.

“Where-- that little motherfu-- he’s going to-- shit, shit, shit--”

Hotch huffs a little laugh, a chuckle that makes no more than the whisper of a breath of noise leaving his mouth. Parenting doesn’t make much sense and Hotch is certain he’s probably supposed to say something to Jack about the cursing but to his credit, Jack hasn’t spoken like that in Hotch’s presence. Plus, it would make him a hypocrite to get too frustrated over it. He cursed at sixteen and he still does. He also smoked and got into all kinds of trouble and, as far as he knows, the most Jack gets into on a Saturday night is too many energy drinks and a new book.

As curious as Hotch is about whatever it is that Jack is fussing with, Hotch has to get breakfast ready. He turns and starts to walk to the kitchen. That’s where he’s headed when he sees something small and orange bolts ahead of him. Glancing over his shoulder, in the direction it had come from, Hotch finds nothing. Just the light peeking out from behind Jack’s door.

Hmm. Odd.

Hotch continues down the hall, looking around the floor as he goes. Trying to see what it was and where it went. Until he gets to the kitchen. “Oh,” Hotch raises an eyebrow at the kitten he finds sniffing the floor near the oven. A tiny orange kitten. He picks it up, observing it as he turns it around to inspect the tiny thing.

It looks up and him and gives a little irritated meow.

“You must be motherfucker,” Hotch says, rubbing a finger over its head. “I think Jack is looking for you.” Hotch smiles as the kitten purs, pushing its head under his finger for more. He indulges it and, he has to admit, the thing is cute. He doesn’t mind it. “Are you hungry?”

He goes to the fridge and inspects the findings… slim pickings. “Cats are lactose intolerant, right?” He looks down as the kitten squirms his arms. Rolling over it attacks his fingers but cradled to his chest it’s safe. “I don’t know anything about cats.” He’s never had any pets. Haley had an old dog named Bailey when they first got together. A border collie her father bought for her birthday years before from a farmer in town.

Growing up in the country he’d seen plenty of stray cats and dogs but he’d never had his own. There was a porch cat he used to feed bread to but his father scared it off and kicked it once. Hotch had looked so much like his father that the cat wouldn’t come to him anymore after that incident. That was probably for the best.

“Here,” Hotch finally settles. He pulls the almond milk out of the fridge, setting it on the counter. He adds the container of blueberries beside it. “I’m having oatmeal but I reckon you can probably have almond milk, right?” With a frown, he makes a mental note to ask Emily or Garcia about that. One of them is bound to know. For now, a little almond milk is probably fine. It doesn’t have milk in it but he wants to be certain.

Taking a bowl out of the cupboard, he hums and reaches over for the measuring cups. He’s been making oatmeal for years so he’s mastered the eyeballing it technique. However, the half-cup measuring cup is the perfect size for him to use as a bowl for the kitten.

“Has Jack got you any food?” he asks placing the kitten on the counter. He pours a little almond milk in the half-cup and smirks when the kitten takes to it immediately. “Well… you probably wouldn’t drink that if it wasn’t good for you, right?” Probably… well, maybe.

This feels exactly like when they brought Jack home. He and Haley had been terrified of every little thing. They were constantly calling someone about something. He can easily call Emily or Garcia but… he’s an adult, he can handle a kitten.

“Stay,” he orders stepping away from the counter to grab a pan. The kitten doesn’t move just stands contently where it is drinking the almond milk. Hotch gets the oatmeal going, keeping an eye on the kitten out of the corner of his eye. “You’re hungry,” he notes, with a tilt of his head. And when it looks up at him, almond milk all over its face, there’s no way he can deny how cute it is.

His oatmeal doesn’t take that long to make and distracted with watching the kitten it’s a nice easy pace. Bowl of oatmeal in his palm, angry kitten trying to escape from where it’s tucked between his chest and forearm, and the little cup of almond milk pinched between his fingers he sits down at the kitchen table. “What has he named you?” Hotch asks, settling it all down on the table. It occurs to him it could be a little strange to let the cat on the table but it is a cat so if it sticks around he assumes there will be lots of table sitting.

Hotch can’t remember what book Jack was reading last week-- which is chronologically his best guess at when his little friend here made its way into the house. With hindsight, he can recall Jack having been just a little more distant with him, secretive. Jack is also significant with his decisions so maybe Hotch should think more along the lines of Jack’s favorite books, not his most recent reads. Then again maybe Jack hasn’t named the cat or he chose something out of a song or a movie.

Looking up as he hears Jack’s door creak open, he scowls back down at his lap. The kitten having stretched up at his chest and bats at one of the buttons on his shirt. He taps its little paw warningly, just enough to jar it a little, and judging from the look he receives this little warning tapis nothing something it was expecting.

“Hey, dad.”

Hotch looks up and hums back, nothing unusual because he certainly isn’t going to give up the advantage he has right now. His son is a snarky little shit -- purely Emily’s doing -- and Hotch rarely gets moments where he comes out ahead of whatever jokes Jack (or Emily) can make at his expense.

Jack comes around and nods his head, timidly going about making himself some cereal. Hotch doesn’t comment on his son’s socks -- one is teal with bright, highlighters yellow bananas and the other is beige with pink polka dots. Hotch had given up on Jack and socks. Jack gets a little thrill out of this rebellion and Hotch should just be happy that it’s not worse.

The two of them really have nothing in common. Jack loves science and math (Hotch has to use a calculator for simple multiplication). Hotch prefers for each of his books to look like they have never even been read (Jack has so many sticky notes in his copy that Fahrenheit 451 that it looks silly). Jack refuses to carry around a planner and writes everything down on the back of his hand (Hotch has multiple planners and color codes things in delicate details).

“Oh.” Jack turns with his cereal in his hands and sees the kitten in his father’s lap. That bright orange over his black dress pants. Jack knew his father wouldn’t be mad -- he can count on one hand the number of times he has seen Hotch angry. Though, he knows what he’s done wasn’t the right course to take. He’s not so sure what to do now, he hadn’t planned this far ahead.

Hotch hums again, nodding his head.

Jack looks down at the floor and timidly takes his seat across from his father at the table. Tucking his legs underneath himself to avoid hitting Hotch’s much longer stretched-out legs. Normally, he wouldn’t think twice about hitting his dad’s legs but today he’s sensing he should probably consider his actions a little more. “Am in trouble?”

Hotch raises an eyebrow and looks away from the kitten to his Jack. He’s looking down at his cereal, playing with it so he can avoid looking at Hotch. Jack’s never really been in trouble. Hotch is a little too lenient at times but even Jessica is pretty bad for that. Even so, Jack has turned out pretty okay, he’s still a kid (16 isn’t that grown, despite that being the age Hotch’s father kicked him out at -- well sent him to boarding school but that was only after he spent a month couch surfing and sleeping in a shitty tent he stole).

“No.” It’s a cat and he’s not mad and Hotch doesn’t see just yet where he could make this a learning opportunity so… he’s not going to make it a big deal. It’s hard, in situations like these, to know where normal discipline comes into play. His own father would have beat him senseless or locked him out of the house for a week, maybe longer.

“Oh.”

Hotch frowns, “do you think you should be?” He doesn’t mean it to bait Jack, he means it honestly. There isn’t a right answer.

Jack shrugs, “I mean, I don’t know.” Jack is aware that his father isn’t like most dads but they’re in a unique situation, the two of them. “You should probably lecture me about something, right? I mean, I don’t think I’ll be sneaking in any more cats but that’s not as a result of any lecture. I certainly wouldn’t do it with a dog.”

So maybe not a lesson learned but still sounds like there’s no point acknowledged. “Okay,” Hotch reasons. It sounds fair. “Well, next time we talk this sort of thing over, okay? I respect you and your decisions and so I ask for your opinions on things, right? I need you to respect my opinions.”

Jack nods.

“So, any names?”

[famouskittychild]

Star Wars Fun in the Sun

vol 1 - At the beach

This is my gift (vol 1) for @milfsyndullas in the Fun in the Sun gift exchange hosted on @starwarsfandomfests ! Thank you@lilhawkeye3 for organising this ☺️

Couldn't choose between two ideas so I wrote them both. This one is with Padme and Sabe on a nice day at a Naboo beach ^^

AO3

The village was still quiet this early in the morning. The fresh fragrance of baking breads wafted on the wind through the steep streets. The girls had woken up with the sun and packed lightly for a day at the beach, putting on their bathing suits under their clothes. They picked one of the many inviting, small shops at random and had a light breakfast of caf and pastries. From sitting higher up on the hill, they could see over the rooftops all the way to the open water of the lake and to the opposite shore.

Their usual daily program would be sailing over the lake and exploring some of the villages dotted along the shores, and that’s what they did the past few days. But this morning was promised to be unusually windy, if still warm, with bright sunshine in the afternoon. They were both capable with the boat but maybe this would have been pushing it on open water. Sabe was cautious, even if Padme war ready to take on the challenge. Also despite being on holiday, so far every day was busy, even if it was the relaxing kind and not work related busy. So Sabe told her darling Padme that she was working hard enough and she needs a day when she does nothing. No senatoring, no learning of local customs, no meeting with people. Just splashing about in the water, eating, and laying on the sun. Maybe some hand-holding and cuddling too.

“How about kissing? Am I allowed to kiss you today, or is that considered a job?” she teased Sabe over their breakfast. “As your girlfriend, it is my duty, if we think about it.”

“If it feels like duty than we need some serious talk.” Sabe looked back at her over the rim of her cup. “About your workload and you taking things too seriously.”

“Me? Taking things seriously? Never!” Padme defended her conduct, and stuck her pinky finger out and away from her cup as she took a sip. “Correction. Its not my duty, it is my privilege.”

“That’s better” nodded Sabe gracefully, as if accepting a formal apology. Then they both giggled. “Remember! No work today. Just fun with your girl.”

Padme blew a kiss to her over her pastry.

 Most of the beaches were either open to the public with infrastructure built around them, or were privately owned, secluded bays. This one was neither. It was out of the way between two villages, hard to get there by boat, and just generally not worth the effort it took to travel there on speeders or on foot when there were so many, more convenient opportunities too. It was perfect for them for this very reason.

“What if someone is already there?” Padme asked.

“You mean, others might be just as clever as us?”

“No way, but they could’ve bumped into the place by accident.”

“Yes, true. In that case, I think we should quietly move away and look for another place?”

They agreed to walk to the next village if that was the case and visit that small restaurant there they’d been once already and promised themselves to go back.

 The beach was empty. It was barely more than a cove in the cliffs, the footpath to it winding through rocks. Padme’s local bodyguard left them with her speeder after checking around and took up a sentry post higher on the steep hillside. She was good at her job, and the girls knew she’ll take a position where she sees all the pathways towards them whilst not seeing them personally to give them as much privacy as possible. Their sentry droid was stationed lower, hidden by a bush, keeping an eye on the girls a bit more closely, ready to report any threats or if one of them would be in distress.

 They laid down their towels on the soft sand and put their bags on them to stop them from blowing away, then stripped off their shirts and dresses to run into the water. Their enthusiasm was a bit curbed when the cold water hit them higher and higher on their bodies with every step. They had to stop once they were stomach deep in to breath through the cold. Once they were used to that, they took another step - just to have to repeat the process until they were shoulder deep in water.

“I forgot it’s this cold in the morning” Sabe stuttered, and Padme nodded vigorously, teeth clattering.

 They swam in the quiet little bay until they were exhausted. It was windy enough in this corner, backed by steeper cliffs, to make the surface of the lake frilly with crescent waves large enough to play with them. They flopped onto them belly first and let the water roll away under them, dropping into a valley; then they waited for the next crest to lift them up again with a help of a leg kick. When they got too exhausted and hungry to carry on, they waded out of the water.

Reaching the sandy shore, they run to their towels and wrapped themselves in them tightly, sitting close to each other until they dried off enough for the shivering to stop. Then they opened the basket that had all the fresh foods they bought that morning: spelt bread, almond cheese, tomatoes, fruits; and ate while chatting. Padme dug her toes into the ground, enjoying the soft sand between them. Then she flicked her toes up, tossing the sand into the air and watched where the fine grains would land. She repeated the game, Sabe smiling at her.

“I like it when you’re playful” she told Padme, tilting her head that she rested on her pulled up knees towards her. Padme looked down at her, face softening as she took in Sabe’s dreamy expression.

“I’m not playing, I’m conducting an experiment” she smiled coyly, remembering their conversation from the morning. Sabe took the teasing good-heartedly. Raising an eyebrow, she grinned back to Padme, her tone lacking real admonishment.

“No. Work. Today.” Padme blew another kiss to her.

   They almost missed the gelaati float in the afternoon. Luckily they noticed the melody drifting towards them and could hail it just in time. Padme waved with both arms and yelled from the waist-deep water while Sabe waded to the shore to hail them. Usually it was manned by a droid, but this one was seemed to be driven by a humanoid. The driver waved back at them and lowered the float. It looked like it was modified from an old speeder, not purpose-made than most, and was painted with blue and white stripes. It hovered as close to them on the pathway as safety regulations allowed.

The driver waited patiently whilst the girls grabbed their towels and purses and made their way up on the hillside.

“Thank you for your patience, sir, and a good day to you as well.” Padme greeted him, slightly winded.

“And a good day to you, ladies. What can I serve you with?”

Now that was a good question. Most floats had a good selection of goods, and this one in particular was dripping with all the different foods and drinks. Caf’s of different types - some made the local way, some imported and advertised as being from Coruscant. They skipped over those without a second thought. There were ice creams of course, in bowls and in cones and on sticks; the soft airy types that came with trade and the local, much more dense gelaati that gave the name to the type of moving dessert shops like this. There were also fruit cones, roasted vegetables in little containers, chilled cheeses, and bread rolls kept warm in earthenware pots to round out the selection.

Since they had already eaten their lunch, they decided on some desserts. Padme choose the iced caf and Sabe got a dozen of her favourite flower waffles.

The girls walked back to the beach, chatting, the wind tousling their hair. They plopped down on their towels then stretched their legs and dug their toes into the soft sand as they got ready to eat their respective treats. They always choose different, be it food or drinks, and they always had the other have the first taste of whatever they had bought or ordered. Sabe tried the caf with the scoop of gelaati.

“Warm and cold together? I’ll never understand. But it’s nice enough.” Sabe put down the bowl whilst she waited for Padme who broke off a piece of one of the crunchy circles. Her lips were coated with the powdered sugar from the top of the waffle, and she held a palm under her chin to catch any stray crumbs.

“This one’s good too, even if it should be softer” she gave her verdict with a wink. She thought about popping the remaining bite-sized piece into her mouth, than changed her mind and offered it to Sabe. She leaned closer and let Padme feed it to her, than gave her her bowl. And after a moment of thought, a light kiss too.

Than they broke into giggles, lips sticky with powdered sugar, and cuddled as the waves lapped up to the shore.

[timextoxhajima]

HOSTIS, Chapter XVII.5: Inevitabilis, Inevitable

HOSTIS PLAYLIST: WONHO - LOSING YOU

Previous Chapter (XVII: Et Universum Parallel)

Member: Lee Hyunjae (tbz) 

Genre (by chapter): drama, angst

Category: Short Novel/Long Series

Dana’s A/N: this is a special piece written by @vxstarlightxv​ who has been feeding me ideas to fuel this story. i did not write this chapter, i only merely proof-read it/gave her tips etc, but otherwise the beauty of this chapter will never be able to be my own original work.

P.S: if you’re emotional, please keep a box of tissues with you 

“there is no escape from you, not now, not ever. you are inevitable.”

The day the kids at school start calling you Ares is the day Hyunjae loses faith in humanity. You are a spineless, low-life coward, who hardly deserves to be bestowed with the same title as himself. Yet here you are, acting as though you were worth being on the same plane as him.

He hates you. Oh god, he truly does.

He remembers the way you fucked him over so well and thoroughly, and in front of the whole school that too. Granted, he may have screwed with your equipment, but maybe if you didn’t suck so bad you wouldn’t have failed.

Blaming him for your shortcomings. How typical.

But showing Minhee ​that picture of the accidental kiss (that meant ​nothing​) for the sole purpose of destroying his relationship? That was a bitch move right there. So he has no regrets when he posts a cleverly edited picture of your lab teacher with his girlfriend. None at all. In fact, the sight of your tears when that himbo Younghoon dumps you is something that brings him delight.

His heart definitely did not twist when he saw you cry, because he definitely does not care. You hurt him, and it’s only fair that you’re hurting too.

Nonetheless, he is pleasantly surprised at how fast you bounce back. His breakup with Minhee was a huge watery mess, and he cannot help his grudging admiration for your strength when you power through your own with Younghoon.

It is only admiration, for he definitely still hates you.

When the time comes to choose a medical school, he chooses the one that seems the furthest away from you. But fate hates him, so after 4 years of respite, he is dumped back on your doorstep as your fellow intern in the neurology department.

Of all the fucky coincidences.

~~~

Ares is a brutal god. He is the fire of war, wild and relentless.

Hyunjae is furious when he finds out you’ve stolen his report, but he’s not surprised. Not when he would’ve done the same thing. Then again, he was kind of hoping you would leave him alone. Naturally, you’ve done the opposite. He wonders if his emotional response is a little… disproportionate, given the situation, but he’s not going to let you fuck him over like this and escape unscathed. He isn’t a fucking pussy, your thoughts on the matter be damned.

Silly little kitten. Put your paws in the fire, and watch the heat bubble your skin.

He is simmering as he bangs on your door. He hears you screaming some nonsense about your mother, but he’s too pissed to process anything. You open the door, face falling as you see him. He cannot help but reach out a hand and grab you by your pretty throat.

He shoves you into the house, fuelled by the magnitude of his anger. You’ve hurt his pride, made a fool out of him in front of Dr Kim. He wants to shred you to pieces, get you on your knees and rip the apologies from your mouth.

Tonight you will understand why the other gods fear the wrath of Ares.

 ~~~

Hyunjae replays the encounter in his head as he drives home. He has never once considered you as anything but an enemy. But today, something of seismic proportion has shifted in your dynamic.

The flutter of your lips against his, like butterfly wings on a flower. The warmth of your chest against his in a tight alcove, hiding from Dr Shin. The way you felt when you took him in, the way you cried when he hit every single spot that made your toes curl. The way you purred when he called you kitten and mewled as you fell apart on his cock.

In retrospect, he hopes that he didn’t hurt you. He usually likes to stick around for aftercare, but he didn’t want to ruin your pride even more. You’d already been dealt with a devastating blow, and he didn’t want to make it worse, regardless of how big of a dick you think he is.

(Ring, ring)

The sharp blare of his ringtone shatters the silence of his ride home. He glances at the screen, smiling when he sees the caller id.

“What’s up, Juyeonie? Are you finally back?” Hyunjae is thrilled to hear his best friend’s voice. Juyeon is very busy these days, being a commercial pilot and all, so these rare moments they have with each other are more precious than gold.

“Hey, hyung! Yes I am! On that note, are you free next Friday? Let’s get drinks and catch up!” Juyeon sounds so eager and hopeful that Hyunjae can’t help but say yes, no matter how packed his schedule might be. The rest of the conversation proceeds pleasantly, and he is happy to forget the day’s drama.

It is only when he reaches home that he realises that the thought of you has never quite left his head.

~~~

“So what happened? The last I heard, she left you high and dry in JFK.” 

He watches as feline eyes crinkle with delight at his question. His friend launches into a happy tirade about his mystery girl, going on and on about fate and chance encounters and love lost and found. Hyunjae listens carefully, admiring the way Juyeon has changed. He wonders for a moment if he'll ever experience something as profound as Juyeon has, will ever wake up one day knowing that his heart sits in the palms of another person, and will not fear the idea.

The image of your eyes dancing with wicked laughter arises unbidden, and it punches the breath out of him.

He is jostled out of his thoughts when a hand lands on his thigh. It is so abrupt, so sudden that he all but jumps out of his skin.

“Long time no see, stranger.”

Choi Minhee is standing in front of him, batting her mascara-painted eyelashes at him seductively. She is as pretty as ever, with her delicate collarbones and anime-girl eyes.

But she is not you.

The thought is so dreadful and unsettling that he cannot help but flirt with her the whole night in order to get it out of his head.

When have you become anything but an annoyance, anything but a pest that’s been shoved down his throat?

It is pleasant, talking to someone who he hasn’t met in a long time. He remembers her fondly, despite how miserable their parting was. Minhee is soft and kind, a gentle cherry-blossom compared to your ever-burning inferno. She complements him well (not perfectly, because only ​one​person does), and for a second he feels white-hot annoyance at you for fucking him over in this regard. Hyunjae cannot help but wonder if they would have been married by now had you not intervened with that photo. Would they be living the white-picket fence dream? What would their kids have looked like?

All he can see are children with your ash-brown hair and his almond eyes. The image causes his gut to clench so tightly that he wonders if something inside him might have cracked open.

“Have you and Y/N gotten together yet? I figured that after we broke up the two of you would end up going out. You were always kinda obsessed with each other.” The question jolts him out of his reverie. Juyeon, who has been listening politely so far, decides to insert himself into the conversation.

“Yeah, hyung. The two of you have always had something special, right? What was that stupid nickname we gave you? Paris and Helen?”

The irony is not lost to him. Enemies, being compared to the two greatest lovers of all time. A face that launched a thousand ships, a blaze of love that destroyed a nation. Only fools succumb to Aphrodite, the cruelest of the divine hosts.

“Ares and Ares. And for fuck’s sake, I will never be attracted to that hag. You won’t believe what she did at work last week-”

Hyunjae misses the knowing look Minhee and Juyeon exchange. He’s only seeing you.

~~~

If there is one thing that Hyunjae hates, it is surprises. So he really, really hates it when he sees you flirting with the intern as though ​he ​doesn’t exist.

The day had actually started off pretty well. He came into work feeling all pleased with himself. Not only did he break you down, but he also figured out a solid way to keep you in line. You were reacting beautifully to his taunts, and seeing you unable to walk made something vicious inside him preen.

And then, before he can breathe, you are making stupid cow-eyes at the snot-faced little intern as though he created entire galaxies in your honour.

How dare you, honestly? You’re wearing ​his ​hickeys on your neck, limping and ​sore because ​he​ripped you apart last night. How can you even ​think​of flirting with another man? Are you doing this on purpose, to get some semblance of power back?

This is not jealousy. It definitely is NOT jealousy because that would mean he would have to be attracted to your hideous hag face. No, it was an issue of pride. And no, he definitely was not deluding himself right now.

Nonetheless, watching Eric help you into his car after work makes him want to vomit.

~~~

It is the party incident that truly knocks it into his head. He spends the entire night seething over your flirtations with Eric, with even ​Sangyeon. He glares at you, but you pretend to not see, and it shoves him off the edge.

Why won’t you look at him? A room full of people, but you are the only one he sees. So why aren’t you seeing him too?

He reminds you that night, who is the only one who knows how to pick you apart, snap you in half. He reminds you who is the only one who can make your body thrum and vibrate, who is the only one who can coax tears from your eyes and pleasured sobs from your throat. But he is also tender with you after, because under that diamond-hard exterior is a heart wrapped in silks and satin. Hurting you is the last thing he wants to do.

It is only when he wakes up alone in the morning that he realises that maybe, just maybe, he wishes he could see you in his bed again, hair spilled across the sheets as your breathing slowly evens out into slumber. He wants to coo over your keening wails, drink the moans from your mouth.

A thought, fleeting and profound, surfaces.

He wants you to be his.

~~~

He goes to work on Sunday with iron resolve. He has spent the entirety of Saturday thinking hard about you, and the relationship you shared with him. The line between obsession and infatuation is a thin one, one that the two of you have been dancing on for 10 whole years. When did his foot slip? When did the late nights plotting revenge mutate into candied dreams of your lips, of your body, singing for him?

But of course, who else could it be? You have always been, will always be, his forever other half.

Ares and Ares, locked in their death dance. But when did Ares become Aphrodite? War has become Love, and Love has become War.

Somewhere along the way, something has gone wrong. At some point or the other, he has forgotten the hatred that sizzled through him like blazing poison. He has forgotten that you are annoying, that you are competitive, and that you get revenge in the sleaziest ways possible. He has forgotten everything, because all that remains is the way your smile looks like a flashing ray of sunlight, like a tendril of shimmering starlight. All that remains is the sound of your wind chime laughter, the softness of your small hands on his heated skin. All that remains is the memory of how good you are for him, how addictive the juxtaposition between your submissive sweetness in bed and your fiery heat outside of it is.

So he decides that he is going to make you his. Granted, the order of things was completely wrong, but he would fix it. He would cook you dinner, press kisses onto your cherry mouth, and then love you till morning comes. And then he would repeat it every day, till the day the two of you are cradled in the eternal embrace of death.

Surely, surely you reciprocate his feelings? How can you not, when your body weeps for him the way it does?

He likes to think you do, when he admires the way your eyes flutter closed when he steals kisses in the pantry. He likes to think you do, when you stay four hours past your shift and order takeaway for him. He likes to think you do, when you dangle Eric in front of him in order to get him to fuck you ​hard,​just the way you like it.

You are his, now.

~~~

Hyunjae’s love for you grows like tender flowers. It starts off small, but grows into something lovely and heartbreaking. You have carved your way into him, nestling against the walls of his heart and beseeching him to let you in with your stupid almond eyes.

He loves your stupid almond eyes.

He is on a cloud these days, brimming with affection that lights up his every step. He never considered himself to be one of those annoying, lovey-dovey honeymooners, but he can definitely see where they get their joy from.

Lovers alone wear sunlight.

You become his greatest delight. When you are around, even dust seems to sparkle like a thousand tiny diamonds. He loves waking up with you, your eyes half lidded and neck covered in his marks. He loves to see you in his clothes, smelling of his body wash, smelling of ​him.

(He has an extra special fondness for the days in which you are soft and pliant, allowing him to dress you like a doll. It makes his internal organs feel like they are tumbling over each other, and it makes him a little giddy. He loves taking care of you.)

But if he really had to pick a moment, he supposes he loves you most when you are with your patients, hands calm and steady and strong. It reminds him of everything beautiful there is about his profession, and he cannot get enough.

You are beautiful, in all the ways there are to be beautiful. You race through him like lightning, and he is sucked further into your orbit everyday. You carry his heart with you (inside yours), and you are never without it.

So he is overflowing with love when he picks you up and tastes your peach-covered mouth. He is overflowing with love when you smile at him with a sort of lightness that he's never quite seen directed at him before. He is overflowing with love as he goes to your favourite cafe one day to pick up the chowder you never stop talking about. Tonight, he will ask you to be his girlfriend, make this tentative little dance official.

Perhaps that is why the pain is so exquisite when he sees you with Younghoon, and hears you talking about Eric with such tenderness in your eyes.

“​He’s super enthusiastic and there’s just something about him that’s so... comforting. I see him and I think about nothing but sunshine and warmth and laughter. He’s just... so cheerful, compared to whatever i’ve been used to.​​” Something inside him shatters into a million jagged pieces when he hears the words, and every breath becomes as a blood-drenched ordeal.

Sunshine and warmth and laughter. Sunshine and warmth and laughter. Sunshine and warmth and laughter. The words ring like alarm bells.

Fool. Naive, hopeless fool. You were never really his, were you? You might be the light by which his spirit is born, you might be his sun, moon and stars, but he? He is your nothing. He is the shadow that is birthed of your radiance, forever connected and forever forgotten.

Is this is why storms are named after people? You have destroyed him in the sweetest of ways. Is this taste of heartbreak? Rust coats his tastebuds. Is this how tears are born? The agony is magnificent and all-encompassing. There is nothing left for him here. He has never been enough, never will be.

He leaves quietly, chowder forgotten.

~~~

It is truly repulsive, the fact that he can see what you adore about Eric. The intern is strong and sweet, kind in all the ways Hyunjae is not. He is soft and mellow, and will cool your scalding tantrums with gentle words. He will not stir up the embers of your fury the way Hyunjae does, hoping for a reaction. He will be tender with you, gently laying you out and coaxing your body to sing. He will not be harsh and hard and possessive like Hyunjae, claiming you with bites and bruises and writing his possession into your blood.

He has been measured, and he has been found lacking. Eric is the perfect Hephaesthus, a sweet spring dandelion, and it is no surprise that Zeus will give you to him.

Aphrodite never belonged to Ares, after all.

“Hey, Eric! Do you have a moment?” By some miracle, his voice doesn’t crack.

“Hey, hyung! What can I do for you?” Eric is as mirthful as ever, and Hyunjae wishes they weren’t fighting over the same girl because he might actually ​like the​ intern otherwise.

“Have you gotten Y/N’s number yet?” He pauses to watch the bashful amusement dance across the intern’s face, and waits for the head shake he knows is coming. “Well, you didn’t hear it from me, but she’s very into you. So here’s her number, and make sure you call her, alright?” The teasing lilt he’s going for comes off more as a hoarse croak, and he realises belatedly that he really needs to be less of a shit actor.

“Thank you so much, hyung! But hey, don’t you hate Y/N? Why are you helping her out?” The intern offers him a cheeky grin, and all Hyunjae wants to do is knock his teeth out. But he’s a ​professional,​so he offers Eric a tight smile (read: grimace) and says “Well, maybe I’m hoping you’ll distract her from work so that I’ll get the promotion first.” He tosses a wink in for good measure, before reaching out to ruffle Eric’s hair with a certain sadistic pleasure.

That’s thirty minutes in the bathroom gone down the drain. But that’s what he gets for stealing Hyunjae’s girl.

Of course, because Eric is quite literally an angel who can apparently do no wrong, he gives Hyunjae a sweet smile and rolls away happily in his chair, high off his excitement at finally getting the girl he’s been after for ​ages.

And then Hyunjae is left alone to drown in self-loathing.

Hyunjae is clearly a masochist who likes to hurt himself, so that’s why he decides to tell you to meet him at the carpark after work. One last time, he’ll be the one to drive you home, the one who kisses you goodnight.

He promises he’ll let you go after this.

~~~

The car ride is as quiet as ever. You enjoy being left alone with your thoughts, and Hyunjae isn’t about to interrupt you when he’s being pummeled by his own.

The Japanese once made up a fictional disease to describe the horrors of unrequited love. They call it ​Hanahaki​, in which flowers grow in the lungs of the victims, causing them to cough up petals when they suffer from one-sided love.

He supposes that it is the exact feeling that he feels now. His love for you coils in his chest, choking leaves and thorns that crush his internal organs. It is rooted so deep that it might never leave, killing him softly but surely. The petals tickle his throat in an insidious kiss as he chokes on his desire for you, their softness a poisonous taunt of your lips against his, a feeling he might never know again.

“Are you okay?” Your voice is a balm to his wounded heart.

Of course he’s not okay. He’s in love with you, but you’re not in love with him. He knows that he is nothing without you, and that knowledge is somehow everything.

All this time he wanted to make you his, but you have made him yours.

He cannot form words, so he looks at you, really, really looks at you. He memorises the contours of your face, the slender bone of your nose, the tilt of your eyes, the exact shade of red your lips are. He'll hold every little detail close, remember the last night you're his and his alone, because tomorrow Eric will ask you out and his Aphrodite will never be his again.

He wants to pretend like the sudden moisture in his eyes is surprising, but he can't lie to himself anymore.

Liar, liar. Ares is a liar.

Is this how Lucifer felt when he fell from heaven? You are life, you are life and light and everything bright. And he is cold, dark and alone. He has fallen from grace, and all that is left are the coiling tendrils of hubris keeping his spine straight and gluing the shattered pieces of his heart together. He is heartbroken, but he will clench his teeth and grit through it. Your joy is worth it. His ego won't let him fall apart. He's stronger than this. Isn't he?

Break my heart. Break it into a thousand pieces and then some. It was only ever yours to break anyways.

“Why wouldn’t I be? Anyways, we’re here now. Get out already.” Your scoff is musical. He is aching and he is broken, so he does not have the strength to resist the screaming in his head to steal one last kiss from you. He luxuriates in the feeling of your petal-soft lips against his, before pulling away reluctantly.

Everything is more beautiful because the two of you are doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. You will never share this moment again.

“Goodbye, kitten.”

The words are far more permanent than he likes. You don’t hear them.

His tears run as he pulls out of your driveway. He allows himself one last look at you, confusion blossoming on the face he once swore was hideous but now haunts his every moment.

Love is fire. It burns as much as it warms, and he is the poor fool who allowed himself to get scarred.

~~~

Crossing the line from enemies to lovers was a wheeling drop of ecstasy and biting kisses. Crossing the line from lovers back to co-workers is a study in heartbreak, and Hyunjae doesn't know how much longer he can handle it.

How do I forget you? I've tasted your secrets on my lips and drank the whispers of your body. You are the weakness in my bones and the hollowness in my lungs. How do I cleave my soul from yours, when you are the drum that my heart beats to?

It is an awful sort of pain, feeling his chest cave in when he watches Eric roll over to you from his cubicle. You find him cute, it's obvious from the way your eyes crinkle like little stars when you regard him.

Look at me. Look only at me.

You look up, searching for his eyes like you’ve heard his prayer. You're expecting jealousy, disdain, fury. You're expecting him to drag you to the pantry, to call you ​kitten ​and kiss you till you bleed. But Hyunjae has no more poison to offer you. He is empty, and all he can do is give you a blank look. He hopes you will be happy, silently wishing you the best.

Hephaestus gets Aphrodite, and all Ares can do is watch. Bloody, brutal Ares is never the winner.

His lack of response throws you off. By now, you are used to his hissy fits, his seething rages. But who is he? What right does he have? You are not his to rage over, or his to claim. You might wear his marks on your neck, but you are definitely not ​his.

How he wishes you were. But wishes are like pixie dust, and this is no fairytale.

The rest of the day is agonising. His body is so keenly attuned to yours now, and he doesn’t know how to rewire himself. He keeps a cool distance from you, but every molecule in his being roars in fury at the forced detachment.

He misses you already.

You continue to press him, trying to push his buttons and rile him up. Hyunjae studiously ignores you, hoping his coldness will further fray the ropes holding up the fragile bridge of a relationship that the two of you have developed. You are looking at him with a strange mix of anger, disdain and annoyance. For a second, he thinks he might even see-

Is that? Could it be? Longing? Do you miss him like he misses you?

Wishful thinking. That’s what it is. But it hurts so bad that he decides that he’s just going to avoid you from now on, until he finds a more appropriate coping mechanism than simply crying like a toddler when he can’t get his way.

Maybe he should call Minhee, and try to rekindle-

He cuts the thought off before it dredges up more painful memories. All he can see when he thinks of Minhee are the one-thousand-and-one different ways you exceed her.

You’re fiercer, with more spine. You don’t give in as easily. You’re not afraid to fight with him. You have a kinder heart. You are so much smarter. Your lips are softer. Your hand fits into his so much more perfectly. You are lovely in all the ways she never was, never will be.

It is a numbing, novocaine relief when Dr Choi summons him for rounds. If Hyunjae is left for even a second longer with his thoughts, he might just spiral into a pit of depressed longing and self pity that he might never emerge from.

Mighty Ares, on his knees. Aphrodite’s laughter perfumes the air, irresistible and menacing.

~~~

He is on his final round when he meets Mrs Kang. The kind, old lady takes one look at him, eyes lighting up with knowledge that he wishes she wasn’t able to glean so easily.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Well he doesn’t, but the words explode out of his bleeding heart like ink spilling on ivory pages.

“I... I thought that it would be okay, that I could forget and let go and that it would all be fine and good but then… I saw her--” his voice cracks miserably as a lump etches itself into his throat. His heart is racing, and every inhale feels like swallowing glass shards.

“I saw her and something went terribly wrong because I couldn’t forget and my heart was remembering and I felt like I was dying but I couldn’t do anything because all I want is for her to be happy and I know that happiness isn’t with me and I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT.”

Mrs Kang is silent, regarding him with a look he can’t quite decipher. He takes it as an invitation to continue.

“I wish I was him. I wish I was the one who could make her smile, make her laugh. But I’m angry, I’m jealous and I’m immature. I’m overly competitive, and I don’t know how to lose graciously. When I’m pissed, I do stupid, radical things.”

Silence. Inside, outside. It is deafening.

“Why would she want me? I don’t deserve her, and knowing that I’ll have to live my life watching her in another man’s arms is ripping me apart.”

He’s breathing hard, like he just ran a marathon. It’s a terrifying prospect, facing his feelings head on. Until now, they were swirling around his head in an ugly tangle of emotion. Verbalising them, hearing them out loud, is painful and cathartic at once. But he’s already feeling like a pathetic little sap. He wonders if you would sneer at him if you heard. Is this what it feels like to lose? Is this how you felt, lifetimes ago, on your sofa? The two of you have always been push and pull, a forever impasse. But today, you’ve finally shoved him off balance.

Who is the stronger Ares now? Your kisses are his kryptonite.

A hand comes to rest over his.

“Love always finds a way. I know you’re feeling hopeless now, but know that if you are meant for each other, you will always find your way back,” Mrs Kang finishes with a gentle smile. The pretty words do not reassure him.

If only love was as perfect as love seems to be, if only his flaws and broken edges could be hidden away. But this is a dream that will never come to life, a flower that will never grow to bloom.

She does not know who it is that he is fighting with, who it is that is slipping away from him with every passing second. She thinks that it will be okay, but she does not know that Ares has no mercy. He expects none from you. Nonetheless, he gives her a watery grin in return before standing up to complete his rounds. He may have lost, but he has enough composure to know better than to break in public.

It is a monumental effort, holding it together.

Hyunjae makes it to the lift in peace, stepping in through the shiny doors and slamming the button for the fifth floor. When they slide open, the sight before him makes his heart drop like a wineglass.

You and Eric are standing across him, hand in hand. Eric’s foot is tapping impatiently, eager to drag you off to wherever he was taking you for dinner.

For a second, he loses control over his emotions. Agony crumples his face, and you, because you’re just that smart and just that perceptive, register it. He doesn’t have the heart to pretend anymore.

Hyunjae brushes past the two of you, ignoring your questioning look, ignoring Eric’s cheerful greeting, and most importantly ignoring the writhing in his chest. He goes straight for his briefcase and shoves his belongings in, flicking the lights off and rushing to the carpark. He does not want to see anyone. He does not want to process anything.

He is empty. So, so empty, and hollow. The void inside him threatens to consume him whole.

The moment he reaches home, he goes straight to his spirits. There’s a bottle of whiskey sitting in the top most shelf of his kitchen, a birthday gift from his father. He pulls it down, slamming the glass decanter onto the kitchen counter, and the pressure nearly cracks it open.

He remembers the sight of you pressed up against this very counter, squirming under his ministrations. He remembers your lips fall open in a sigh, and then to beg. He remembers standing between your thighs, feeding you and then licking cream off your lips. Memories swirl through his head, cutting through his ribcage and slicing his heart open.

He doesn’t bother to grab a glass, pouring the scorching liquid down his throat. It claws at him, and he welcomes the pain.

Love is cruel, love is cold. When it kills, it does it slow.

He knows the tears are coming. The pressure has been building in his head for the last twenty-four hours. They fall as he walks over to the living room, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

The mirror you clutched when you moaned wretchedly, promising him that HE was the only one who could ever ruin you this way.

He lifts the bottle, forcing himself to look his reflection in the eye as he drinks a toast to Eric. ​Here’s to you, buddy.

His reflection sneers back, bloodshot and desolate. A half of a whole, incomplete. This is what he is without you.

Hyunjae sinks to the ground, bottle thumping down on the carpet. It rolls once, twice, and rivulets of alcohol splash across the floor. Another memory lunges up.

There is nothing more striking than red on white. Blood on snow. Wine on cream skin, tracing paths his eager tongue follows. A hiss of anger that softens into a sigh.

The sofa smells like you. The study smells like you. You are everywhere, and it breaks him, tearing a wail of grief out of his chest.

One day, the smell of you will fade. You will slip between his fingers like the wisp of a dream, and all he will be left with is the recollection of the fleeting seconds you were his and his alone.

Too much. This is too much. He cannot think, he cannot see, he cannot ​breathe,​without being haunted by you. You are in every orifice, in every nook and cranny and cell. You are in the water of his blood and in the porous hollows of his bones. You are in the fibre between his atoms, you are in the electricity racing across his neurons. 

There is no escape from you, not now, not ever.

You are inevitable.

(Knock, knock)

It takes him a moment to realise that the pounding is not from the blood rushing in his head, but from someone impatiently banging on his door. He picks himself off the floor, not bothering to fix his appearance.

By now, you must be in Eric’s arms. He would kiss you softly, like summer rain. You would sigh into his lips, and he would look at you like you hung the moon. He would take you home, and press more kisses into your silk skin as he whispers his love. One day, he would get on one knee and present you with a diamond. You would say yes, because Eric is sunshine and warmth and laughter. Sunshine. Warmth. Laughter.

This, this is what you deserve. Not him, not his twisted mess of anger and jealousy. He is a stinging scorpion, and you deserve more than his petty poisons. But his heart still lurches at the thought of you, nestled into Eric.

The gods have always feared Aphrodite more than Ares. He thinks he can finally understand why.

He swings the door open, and once again forgets how to breathe, forgets how to think, forgets that he kinda hates you but now kinda loves you because there you are, raindrops glistening in your eyelashes, and you eclipse every star in the sky. There is nothing but you and you alone, and his withered little heart is shooting to life because ​that’s just what you do to him. There’s so much he wants to say, so many thoughts tumbling through his head. But he’s a frightful, useless coward, so all that flies out of his mouth is:

“Why the fuck are you--”

And then your lips are cushioned against his, kissing the venom out of him. He cannot help the sigh he breathes into your mouth at the way your body slots so perfectly against his.

Home, home is in your arms. He has been running all his life, and you have always been his only destination.

Tears slip out, hot and fast, washing the festering wound inside him clean. The cracked pieces of his soul begin to lift up and fuse together.

The light of a thousand suns slices through the void in him, and the darkness melts like ice on a hot summer day.

He is shuddering, wrecked by the sheer ​force​ of the emotions in him. But you are holding him tight, so very tight. He hopes you will never let him go. ​Never ever, ever let him go.

He is yours, and you are his. Where he ends, you begin and where you end, he begins. There is nothing else, no one else, because there was never anyone for him but you. Love not at first sight, or even the second, but at last sight and at ever and ever sight.

When you finally pull away to murmur the words he would have never even dreamed of hearing from you, it’s like starlight is filling the dusty hollows of his chest, sewing the pieces that have fallen apart back into the tapestry that is you. He is surprised, he really is, but something inside him has always known, has always clung to the hope that you would choose him, despite everything.

All that matters, is that you’ve come back to him. You are the only truth he’s ever known.

~~~ 

Later in the evening, when the two of you are spent from your love-making and coiled so tightly that your breaths have become one, Hyunjae takes a moment to contemplate the situation. You have won this competition between the two of you. You have planted yourself as first in his life, and for once (​and of course, the only time ever, because he is still going to get that damn promotion before you)​, he is happy to cede to you. This is what love is, to break and to be broken, to be full and to be empty, to win and to lose. He would have it no other way. All that he is, and all that he will be, center around the axis that is you.

Do you feel like this too? Like your heart is bursting from the seams?

You sigh in your sleep, seemingly agreeing. He loves you so much, it hurts. But there is one final thing to do.

He lifts his head to the stars, who have been waiting for this collision of souls for a long, long time.

Thank you, he whispers.

And for once, Zeus smiles down on his Ares.

ENDING THOUGHTS:

First of all, a very big thank you to everyone who made it to the end!! This piece has been a wild, emotional ride from start to finish and I understand that the sudden change in style can be jarring for some. As such, I am very grateful to everyone who took the time to read it :)

Hyunjae has always been a very complicated character. We’ve seen him through Y/N’s eyes for the last 17 or so chapters, and she is definitely not the most reliable of narrators. Many of her thoughts regarding his actions and motivations are shadowed by her own negative emotions, and he has come off as a rather poisonous character, except for the rare moments of tenderness he seems to show. Hopefully this will help you get a glimpse into Hyunjae’s psyche, in a way that is untainted by Y/N. I’ve seen many of your asks about Hyunjae and his behaviour, and perhaps you will see this as a sort of redemption for him, in the sense that he is so much deeper and complex than the seething neanderthal Y/N sees him as.

Writing this was a challenge nonetheless, and I think we should all be very grateful to Dana for powering through Y/N and Hyunjae’s story, given how much of a hot mess this couple is! It’s very hard to write an enemies-to-lovers fic without it coming off as corny and shallow, and she had the double struggle of writing that dynamic in a medical setting. The fact that we’re all whipped for these two is testament to her brilliant writing, so let’s all say a big thank you for that :))

Before I end, I’d like to pay homage to some of the writers that have inspired this fic. Reading through, you will see quotes inspired by the likes of Nabokov, Cummings and Homer. If I’m not wrong, there’s a little bit of Sarah J Maas and Caitlyn Siehl in there as well. And of course, who can forget the little bits of mythology peeking out here and there? If you happened to notice these references, feel free to scream in Dana’s ask box! It’ll be fun to read your thoughts :)

Once again, a very big thank you for following Hostis so devotedly, and showering Dana with your love. I hope you’ll continue to give her all your love and support the rest of her works.

(P.S Did anyone notice Pilot! Juyeon? If you didn’t, you should 1000% check out his story too, here.)

Love Always,

V

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter XVIII: Renuntiatio

[taetaespeaches]

“I have a feeling this isn’t going to be your typical friendship.”

hoseok x reader (or oc) genre: fluff word count: 3K

a/n: We’re kicking off Hobi’s birthday week with this fic of how he and his partner start their eventual relationship. This fic is based on the song “So Far so Good” by Gabrielle Aplin. Also, the pet name Petal starts here. So yeah, I hope you enjoy and thanks for reading! :)) 

And happy birthday Sunshine Hobi!!!! 

HIS chair was turned away from where you sat on his sofa, only the side of his face visible to you as he glowed in the monitor’s light.

You found yourself admiring his profile as well as the way he paused his work on his song every once in a while to eat a spoonful of the McDonald’s chocolate milkshake you had brought him ten minutes earlier. Hit with a sudden urge to touch him and be close to him, you approached his chair quietly, accidentally startling him into a jump and yelp when your arms wrapped around his neck.

“Oh my god,” Hoseok breathed out in relief at the realization it was just you, his eyes still blown wide as he looked to his side to watch the smile appear on your face.

“I’m sorry,” you giggled. “I just thought you might want some strawberry.” You held your shake in front of him, causing him to scoff as his lips curved into a smile. “Here,” you scooped a spoonful, feeding your boyfriend.

After swallowing the ice cream, he turned his chair to face you. “Did you really want to give me some of your shake or did you just want mine?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

You smirked in response as you set your cup down and reached for his, simply shrugging. “Friends share, right?” Your boyfriend giggled as he wrapped an arm around the back of your legs, tugging you down to sit on his lap. You easily complied, sitting sideways across his thighs. Taking another bite of the chocolate shake, you flashed him a close-mouthed smile as he shook his head in feigned disappointment.

Reaching to put the milkshake down on his desk, you turned to face him, wrapping an arm around the back of his neck as you allowed your fingers to toy with the ends of his hair.

“How’s the song coming along?” You asked him just before leaning in and kissing his chin.

“It’s good,” he smiled at your affections. You cradled his jaw in your palm as you pressed another kiss to his cheek. “The third verse is almost done so it’s coming along,” he added, though with a bit of distraction as you placed a kiss to the edge of your mouth.

“I’m glad to hear—” you were cut off by Hoseok connecting his mouth to yours in a lingering kiss. Pulling away just the slightest bit, you looked at his eyes as his scanned your features affectionately. His eyes had a beautiful almond shape and the prettiest love bands that padded his lower lid.

“You know, I forgot how good these shakes are,” he said as he stared at your lips. “It’s been a while since we last had them.”

“I was feeling nostalgic,” you whispered, making his gaze lift to meet yours. When his orbs found yours, the corners of his eyes wrinkled adorably, reminding you of why that smile won you over in the first place just over a year earlier.

At first you didn’t notice him. Walking into the room, you weren’t really sure who you were looking for, but it definitely wasn’t him. Your friend and her partner were somewhere at the party, but you weren’t as concerned with them as you were with the “blind date” they were setting you up with.

They assured you that, “if you just give it a chance you’ll love him!” You had your doubts, but you decided to humor them. You chose a spot against the wall as you scanned the room. There was a large group of people all swarmed together and you were ready to pass over it, not interested in whatever that was all about, however you then spotted him.  

He carried himself with so much confidence it was almost boastful and it always drove you nuts. And the way he basked in how people flocked to him, well, you weren’t impressed.

His group’s song was playing when he first made eye contact with you, his eyes catching you for a moment as he scanned the crowded room before quickly doing a double take. His orbs locked on yours and he nodded at you with a cocky smirk. On instinct, you rolled your eyes. One of his eyebrows quirked as a smile spread across his face, amused by your disgust.

When he started walking toward you, you crossed your arms over your chest, staring him down. “Hey there wallflower,” He called out to you when he was still a few feet away. “Always with that eye roll huh?”

“Yeah, well, catching a girl’s eyes and nodding at her while your song is playing is a bit eye roll inducing, don’t you think, Hobi?”

He laughed loudly, his jovial face actually looking quite adorable. “Yeah,” he beamed. “Yeah it is.”

“Please tell me you’re not my blind date,” you groaned.

“Well considering I’m being set up with a blind date tonight as well, I would say the probability that I am it is pretty high,” he smirked. “Lucky you.”

“Ha,” you looked away from him. “I would rather jump off that balcony than spend the evening with you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” he gave a tight smile.

You and Hoseok shared mutual friends, and therefore, you had spent time together at a few parties and lunches here and there. He wasn’t exactly your enemy but neither of you were very fond of each other, and you both made that very known. You thought he was arrogant and obnoxious, and though he never outright said so, you were pretty sure he thought you were boring and uptight.

“You attracted quite the crowd, shouldn’t you be entertaining them?” You nodded toward the group of people who were currently staring at your date and you.

Hoseok spared them a quick glance before stepping in front of you so he was facing you with his back to the crowd. “They’re not interested in me, they just want to meet J-Hope,” he chuckled dryly. “Hell, Petal, you know me better than they do.”

It was a brief moment of vulnerability on his part but the look in his eyes struck something within you that made you feel genuinely sympathetic for Hoseok. “Petal?” You asked, holding back a smile.

He simply shrugged, holding back his own grin. “I don’t know you’re pretty, you’re a wallflower, it’s fitting.”

Your jaw dropped in feigned surprise as you teasingly cooed, “you think I’m pretty?”

Hoseok simply giggled and gave you a questioning look as if to say duh. “Of course I do.” The seriousness of which he spoke the compliment had you fiercely blushing as you looked away from him again in an attempt to hide your face.

When you turned toward him once your blush was under control, you found him wearing a sweet smile as he watched you. The corners of his eyes crinkled with the upturn of his lips and it was the prettiest feature you’d ever seen on a person. Fuck. No matter how much you disliked Hoseok, you would be lying if you said you weren’t attracted to him.

He stuck his hands in his pockets as he stared into your eyes. “Look, I know I haven’t made the best first impression, or second, or third, or seventh even,” he started, making you have to hold back a smile, “but, this is kind of lame,” he gestured to the room. “Wanna head out and go get a milkshake or something?”

Your eyes stayed locked on his for a moment, and for the first time you realized how truly kind he looked. “A milkshake?”

“Yeah,” he smiled nervously. It was your first time ever seeing him nervous. “There’s a McDonald’s down the street.”

Your jaw dropped a little before you noted, “You know, they do have the best shakes.”

His eyes widened in surprise as he nodded. “Right?!”

“To die for.”

“I don’t know about you, but this feels like fate to me,” he grinned happily. “Should we go then?”

You slowly pulled your eyes from the beautiful man to scan the room. When your eyes met his again, he was still smiling. Wow, that smile.

For the first time, you returned the smile, nodding. “I can’t believe I’m leaving a party with Jung Hoseok.”

Hoseok giggled as he led the way out of the room. “I know, aren’t we supposed to be nemeses or something?” He teased.

“Something like that,” you joked as you stepped out onto the sidewalk. The sky was dark but Hoseok was illuminated under the glow of the streetlights. You always knew how handsome he was but seeing him then with the wind tousling his hair just slightly as he looked at you with a face of pure happiness, you found it difficult to pull your eyes from him.

That was when you realized it was charisma. You had mistaken it for arrogance. Confidence? Oh yeah, tons of it. But he wasn’t necessarily cocky. Well, maybe just a little.

“What’s your favorite Mickey D’s shake?” You asked and as he prepared to answer, you held up your hand. “Be warned, there is definitely a right answer to this.”

“Strawberry and chocolate are the best,” he grinned as you both began walking toward the fast food restaurant. You peered over at him and he laughed at your shocked expression. “What?”

You quickly shook your head, looking forward once more. “I just think you may be on to something with this whole fate thing.”

You snuck a glance at him to see the smile gracing his features. As you walked, you fell into a comfortable silence, the sound of the cars driving past filling the space. Curiosity got the better of you, however, causing you to ask, “so, you don’t like parties like those?”  

He hummed in thought. “Believe it or not, I don’t actually love all that attention,” he laughed, but the comment flooded you with guilt. “It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s just, you feel almost like a commodity, or a plaything. People just want your attention, they don’t care about knowing you.”  

“That must be annoying.” You realized he was probably pretty used to being judged on personas and first appearances. Even you judged him before knowing him.

“Yeah, I mean, the good outweighs the bad,” he shrugged, and you had a feeling he was pretty used to shrugging his problems away. You figured he would stop sharing at that point, but he continued on as he opened the door to the McDonald’s. “You just rarely get to really know people, ya know? They see J-Hope, not Hoseok.”

“Right,” you replied thoughtfully as you stepped inside, Hoseok following behind you.

You ordered a strawberry shake and Hoseok ordered the chocolate. When you tried to pay, he pushed your hands away. “My treat.”

Cocking your head at him, you crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m paying next time then.”

Hoseok smiled wide at that— the possibility of a next time. “Deal.”

As he went to sit down at a table, you grabbed his hand, leading him outside. “What are we doing?” He asked as he trailed behind you, allowing you to drag him toward the street.

“It’s a nice night out.” With that you sat down on the curb, patting the spot next to you. Hoseok sat down with you, observing you as you both ate your milkshakes.

“So, what you were saying before,” you started, your tone becoming more serious. “Is it tiring being J-Hope?” You both were surprised by how easy it was to talk about such topics as identity.

“No,” he quickly responded, shaking his head. “Not tiring. I mean, I am that person, J-Hope is at the center of me. It’s just,” he trailed off.

“I can imagine you can never have a bad day.”

Hoseok’s gaze locked on you as he studied your features. Slowly, he nodded. “Yeah. It feels that way sometimes.”

As he stared at you, you reached for his milkshake, stealing it from his hands. “Hey,” he protested as you shoveled a spoon full of the treat into your mouth.

“What? Friends share.”

“Friends?” His expression was gentle and curious. Almost nervous again.

“Well, we could be,” you smiled, Hoseok mirroring your grin. “But not sharing your milkshake is not how you start friendships.”

Hoseok scoffed as he reached for your strawberry one that sat on the sidewalk next to you. “Fine, we’ll share.”

“Watch the attitude, Hoseok,” you said pointing your spoon at him. “You’re in a probationary period.” He smiled in amusement as he held his arms up in feigned defense.

You both fell into thoughtful silence, staring at cars as they passed by. “So, who is Hoseok?”

He smiled at you as he leaned forward a bit, opening his mouth expectantly. You let out a scoff as you shoved a spoonful of the chocolate shake into his mouth. After swallowing the treat, he stayed close to you, his eyes tracing over your features. “I would love for you to get to know me.” You bit your lip as you nodded. “And I want to know more about you too,” he told you, his eyes locking on your own as if they were portals to your soul. “I don’t know a lot yet beyond the fact that you have superior taste in milkshakes and possible friends,” he teased making you laugh wholeheartedly. “So far so good,” he added.

“That’s really all there is to know,” you brushed him off. “I’m not all that interesting.”  

“Bullshit,” he smiled. “I have a feeling you’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met.” His gaze turned soft yet intense and you felt stunned.

“What, since when?” You asked in shock.

“What do you mean since when? I’ve always found you fascinating,” he informed you. “You just never gave me the time of day.”

“Seriously?” You looked at Hoseok in shock as he nodded with wide eyes. “I always thought that you found me boring and—”

“Fuck no, are you kidding? How could I ever think that?” He cut you off. “Jesus, Petal, do you have any idea that you light up every room you walk into?” At that, you rolled your eyes and he threw his head back in laughter. “There’s that eye roll again.”

“Yeah, well, you keep earning it,” you laughed.

“I never hated you,” he assured you.

Nodding, you gave him an apologetic smile. “I wouldn’t say I ever hated you, but,” you trailed off.

“Yeah, I know.”

“I just thought you were arrogant,” you explained.

“Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself,” he chuckled. “It’s hard to get to know a person if they won’t let you see the real them.”

“Yeah, well, it’s also hard to get to know a person if you refuse to look past the persona they wear. So, I’m sorry,” you leaned toward him, nudging your nose against his shoulder.

He simply shook his head, brushing your apology off. He then sighed as he slumped his head toward the ground and rolled it toward you to look up at your face. “I don’t want this night to end,” he confessed, catching you off guard.

“I don’t either.”

“I would invite you to my place, but, I have six other dudes coming in and out of there. I mean, I would invite you over just to continue talking. Probationary friends,” he smiled. “I don’t want to mess that up.”  

You giggled, nodding in response. “Of course.” You paused a moment. “Six dudes huh? Any of them single?” You joked.

“Hey,” Hoseok bumped his shoulder against yours in protest as he held back a laugh. You observed him for a moment as you decided whether or not you should invite him to your apartment. What were you wanting out of this night?

“Well, I would invite you to my place, but,” you paused as you decided whether you should be blunt with him. “I’m trying really fucking hard to be your friend first.”

Hoseok smirked, holding back a large smile as he nodded. “Friends first,” he told you, sticking his hand out for you to shake. When you shook it, he locked his eyes on yours and suddenly the handshake felt a little too friendly.

You weren’t sure who leaned in first, but suddenly your lips were nearly brushing against Hoseok’s as your gazes fell to each other’s mouths. “Is this ok?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” you whispered, though neither of you moved apart.

“Friends don’t kiss, do they?”

You smiled at his comment as you shook your head. “No, not really. But I have a feeling this isn’t going to be your typical friendship.”

It was Hobi’s turn to smile as he placed a hand on your jaw. “I’m gonna kiss you now, ok, Petal?”

“Ok,” you responded just before he pressed his lips to yours, your mouths opening against each other’s almost instantly.

As cars drove past, you both were completely consumed by each other, Hoseok scooting even closer to you as his other hand came up to hold onto the other side of your face, deepening the kiss. Your hand gripped his wrist as you responded easily to his touch.

Staring at him as you sat on his lap in his studio, he tilted his head in thought. “What’s on your mind, Petal?”

It was in that moment, in the blink of an eye that you realized this was forever. He was forever. 

“I can’t imagine a world without you,” you responded. “I’m just so lucky.” Hoseok grinned warmly, leaning forward to press a kiss to your nose.

“Yeah?” He teased making you smile.

“Remember when I used to think you were awful?” you reminded him with a giggle, Hobi laughing with you.

“I think your exact word choice was arrogant and obnoxious.”

“So half true,” you teased, Hoseok shaking his head as he giggled. “We’ve come so far.”

Attaching his mouth to yours again, he couldn’t help but smile into the meeting. “So far so good,” he mumbled against your lips as his hand found the back of your head, fingers threading into your hair as he deepened the kiss.  

[the-shadow-master]

                           TWO PARTS OF THE SAME SOUL

A very Jily fanfiction

*

"Padfoot, this is honestly such a terrible idea," James said, with a slight hint of a smile of affection towards his best friend.

"Oh, you noticed?" Remus impatiently asked, rolling his eyes. "I should be working on my Transfiguration homework instead of doing... Well, this."

"I should be working on my anything instead of doing this," James sighed, feeling exhausted and too sleepy to even exist. The only positive thing about Padfoot's idea that James could see at this moment, was the following: Lily Evans on the other side of the room, the most beautiful girl James has ever seen, with her hair tied up in a messy bun, and almond-shaped, bright green eyes that narrowed due to concentration and strong determination. The left corner of her lips twisted into a smile, and James felt his heart skipping a beat. She is so beautiful, he thought desperately. How am I even supposed to focus, when she's standing right there, bewitching me, enchanting me, making me fall in love with her, over and over again?

"For the sake of Merlin's shiny and gorgeous beard, Marauders, stop being such party breakers, that is not what you are made for! This is fun! Come on, look at me again!" Sirius snapped, then pulled out his own wand. He thought about hugging Remus, James, and Peter, he remembered their laugh. Sirius thought about the enthralling, gawky smile of his younger brother. Then he smiled, and exclaimed: Expecto Patronum!

There it was: playful, enormous, magnificent, shiny - a dog. Everyone in the room stopped doing what they were doing, in order to see his Patronus running across the Common Room. Sirius felt as if he was going to cry, he was so touched. I might still possess emotions, regardless of what my mother says, he thought, feeling a lump in his throat.

"He is beautiful, Padfoot," Remus said, with a gentle, calming touch in his voice. And oh boy, how much Sirius needed to hear these exact words! 

"Bloody show-off, that's what you are," James muttered to himself.

Sirius smiled even brighter. "Thank you, Moony. And shut up Prongs! Let's see yours now. Let's see everyone's! If I can do it, so can all of you! I promise."

That was easier said than done. They were all trying so hard. A whole bunch of them spent several hours after midnight, right there in warm and cozy Common Room, in an effort to make Sirius proud of them. Just a group of fifteen-year-olds, attempting to produce magic far beyond their ability. Sirius always had ideas that couldn't come true easily.

James looked around the Common Room. Marlene McKinnon was staring daggers into Sirius, far too angry to cast any Charm, let alone to produce a Patronus, while Mary Macdonald's face became tomato red. Alice Fortescue and Frank Longbottom stopped pretending they were participating an hour ago, and they just sat in one armchair, holding hands and talking casually. Peter and Remus were cheering for each other, but James suddenly forgot what he was even doing.

Lily Evans turned around, like she managed to feel his eyes on her. "What's the matter, Potter?” she arched an eyebrow. “Too afraid to try?"

"No.", James replied sharply. She raised both of her eyebrows, and James blushed. "Are you?"

"Of course not," Lily answered, suddenly looking angry. She is so beautiful when she was angry, James thought. And when she is happy. And sad. And sleepy...

"Why don't you do it, then?" James asked, with a smile on his face. Lily frowned. And she is also beautiful when she is frowning, James added.

"Very well, then," Lily finally said. "But I'm warning you - I think I got the hang of this."

"Consider me warned," James winked, and she sighed conciliatory. Then she bit her lip, trying to focus. James felt his heart skipping a beat yet again. He couldn't help it. She wasn't just beautiful, she was also funny, and kind, and smart. She was amazing! And James? He was absolutely in love with her. He was in love with her from the moment he figured out what being in love means. Maybe even longer - he just wasn't aware of that fact before.

Lily seemed as if she wasn't there with all of them. And in her mind, she wasn't. A very pleasant memory came across her mind and managed to surprise her. Remembering it, Lily felt as if she was flying, far, far away. The thing that crossed her mind happened during the summer. It was an extremely warm, sunny day, and she inexplicably ran into James Potter himself. She was shocked, and all she wanted to do is to run away, but what he was doing was so odd that she couldn't help but come closer. He was on his knees, holding a handful of hazelnuts. As she was approaching, she noticed that they are the same color as his eyes. She swallowed hard and painfully because her tongue proved to be useless. She felt mesmerized. James Potter has incredible eyes, she suddenly thought. Who knew?

Before she ran away as far as possible from there, she gathered all her courage and cleared her throat. "Hello, Potter. What are you doing?"

The effect was momentary. James winced, and then he pointed dazed look straight into her. He seemed overwhelmed with shock. Lily glanced at him, struggling with feelings she didn't even know she was capable of feeling, let alone capable of recognizing them. Really amazing eyes, indeed, she thought.

"Evans!" he shouted. "Wow! I mean... It's so good to see y... How are you?"

"I'm good, thank you.", Lily kindly said. "And you?"

"Nice. Good. Yeah.", James seemed as confused as Lily felt. For several moments, the silence was awkward, and they just stood there, looking at each other as if they were seeing each other for the first time in their lives.

"I didn't mean to frighten you," Lily said.

"Frighten? Me? No. I'm not frightened," he replied. His voice was thin and squeaky. It was so awkward.

"You didn't tell me what you were doing," Lily finally said.

"Oh!" James shouted once more. "Well, Evans, I'm trying to lure a squirrel."

"Why?" Lily demanded to know. Really, why? Of all the things James Potter could possibly be doing... Like, what the heck?

"Have you ever touched a squirrel?" James answered her question with a question.

"Well... No," Lily gave him a puzzled reply. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"That's why you're asking. Squirrels are amazing! They are so cute and tiny and..." he suddenly stopped talking. She was looking at him with a smile, and she was sure that's what confused him. But she couldn't help it. It was her first time seeing him so excited over small things, and he was too adorable! She didn't even know he could ever be like that. All she ever knew about him was that he was a spoiled brat and an extremely arrogant and selfish young man. But, as it turned out, James Potter was also capable of being adorable and cute. Adorable cutie with amazing eyes, Lily thought. Who knew?

"Anyways..." James shyly said. "This little fella who is hiding in the bushes came straight into my palm in order to take some hazelnuts. Then he scared himself away, or I scared him off, I have no idea. I'm trying to make him come back."

"Oh," Lily said. James Potter and a squirrel. And exactly when she thought this day couldn't become any more weirder. "That's actually... Kind of adorable."

"You think?" he said absently: "Am I adorable, or the squirrel?"

"Both of you," she heard herself saying before she could stop the words to come out of her mouth.

"Really?" James seemed shocked. So was she. Lily couldn't believe she had said that! She felt extreme heat in her cheeks, filled with shame. She really managed to make a fool of herself! But then, James added: "People were calling me all sorts of names, but never have they called me adorable. I feel flattered, Lily, thank you."

Lily smiled. "Well... You're welcome."

"Do you want to try?", James asked suddenly.

"What? To feed the squirrel?" Lily nervously asked. "Why would I want to try?"

"Because it's fun. Wait a minute... Are you afraid of squirrels?", James seemed astonished.

"No!" Lily exclaimed, too little too fast. "I just... I don't know. I've never been close to one."

"They say there's a first time for everything," James winked at her.

"Who says that?", Lily derisively replied.

"I have no idea. But come here."

James lay down on his stomach, and Lily caught herself doing the exact same thing as he was doing. His shoulder was touching hers. She turned her face towards him. His face was so close, and she moved her sight across it, absorbing every detail: his hazelnut eyes, lips that seemed to be very soft, his messy hair... He looked at her as if he could peek right into her soul. She couldn't even describe to herself how he made her feel. But she had to admit one thing: James Potter was really handsome.

He blinked, just like he was waking up from some kind of trans, and then he gently took her hand, placed one hazelnut onto her palm, withdrew her hand forward, and whispered: "Try not to move. Be very, very still."

It seemed like they were waiting for hours, but it was very pleasant waiting in silence with James Potter. It was surprisingly pleasant just being here with him, and quiet. Then, their patience paid off. Little squirrel carefully came to them. The little one was really careful and worried, but in the end, it jumped onto her palm, grabbed the hazelnut, and then run away, back into the bushes. Lily was stunned. Her eyes were wide open, and she suddenly realized she was biting her lip. What she didn't realize, was that James Potter didn't even take a look at the squirrel. He looked straight into her, completely hypnotized.

"That...Was... Amazing!" Lily exclaimed, and rolled herself onto her back. She was laughing so much. "It's too adorable to even exist!"

"Told you so," James shrugged. "Hey, Evans?"

"Yes?", she replied cautiously. Now what?

James reached out for his backpack and opened it. "I picked up this one for my mother. Surprisingly, she absolutely adores lilies. I wanted to give this to her, but... Here, I want you to have it."

He took out a lily flower out of his backpack and gave it to her. She instinctively took it, too surprised to even think about it. The flower was so beautiful. It was big, red and with a white rim.

"It's beautiful. Thank you," Lily said.

"My mother always says all lilies are beautiful.", James replied, then cautiously added. "And I agree."

Lily smirked. "Flattery will get you everywhere."

They both giggled.

*

And that's what came onto Lily's mind when she pointed her wand in an imaginary spot and  said with strong determination: Expecto Patronum!

Her lips separated in surprise when a graceful and beautiful doe jumped from the top of her wand and started galloping across the Common Room. Lily was extremely touched and looked at her Patronus with a lot of gentle affection. Everyone gathered to look at it. Even Alice and Frank stopped doing what they were doing in order to admire Lily's Patronus. She smiled proudly. And then, out of the blue, James said, looking agitated: "You think that was awesome? I can do it as well."

"Then do it," Lily impatiently replied, feeling annoyed because he interrupted her. "Don't just stand there talking about it."

"I will do it, Evans," James said. He stood there beside her, frowned at her, and then decided to focus. James gathered every atom of his strength and determination. He let his mind wander, and the same memory came to him. He held onto the same event as Lily, only he remembered it differently. He caught himself thinking about her green eyes, looking into him as if they are capable of seeing his very soul. He remembered her laugh, gentle touch of her shoulder, and the way her hair spread across the grass when she rolled herself onto her back. He remembered her gaze, as she reached to take a lily flower from him, while rays of sunshine gently caressed her face. All he could remember is her. And he smiled. Expecto Patronum!

And there it was. Shiny and enormous, looking strong, wild and proud – a deer!

The whole Common Room went silent. It seemed like no one even breathed or blinked. A doe... And a deer.

Lily and James looked at each other, and a deer caught up with a doe way above all of them. At that moment, no one existed in this world, no one but the two of them. They both seemed shocked more than ever. But there was something else they finally realized. There was something more.

"James," she mumbled, confused, at the same time when he whispered: "Lily."

"Oh, wow.", Sirius suddenly said. "This became awkward."

"Shut it, Black," Marlene suddenly said: "This is adorable!"

"Adorable, for sure," Sirius confirmed. "And still awkward. But you all have one thing to admit."

“Now what?" Remus asked, staring into two Patronuses with a smirk on his face.

"I. AM. A. BLOODY. GENIUS!" Sirius enthusiastically exclaimed.

Lily and James didn't hear a thing. They were ignorant of their surroundings. The only thing they were doing was staring into each other's eyes, too fascinated to look away. And the world was silent and empty. Nothing was really present, besides one thing. In Lily's mind, the only existing and real thing in this world was James Potter. And in his mind... The only existing and real thing in this world was Lily Evans.

[404fmdhaon]

creative claims verifications — downtown baby

summary: a song written for some random npc he meets in berlin. warnings: none (written semi-drunk, don’t read). wc: 1825 (not including lyrics or dates)

(sometime in 2014).

bc’s buildings never feel as hallowed out as it does on early morning sunrises.

no windows, the studio’s only a place for show when passing bodies become the cleaning ladies peeking through the window in raps on the door (he shakes his head, two fingers in the air that screams: not today, another day). his body hovers over a guitar, fixed inside the pocket of his arms — a guitar he’s touched for the first time in months. and in hindsight, he really doesn’t know how to play.

yet, he tries when the first strings pluck something melancholic. no chords, it’s a string of repetition that sing the odes to a lonely night inside a studio. when he gets home? he has no recollection — home becomes this safe space with the couch already engrained ready to swallow him whole when exhaustion takes its toll.

first, it comes in steadiness where the guitars free-fall into a gentle lull. he imagines sundays to be like this — the poise of something standard, just constant. deserted places inside a studio, he thinks it’s near habitual when his body stumbles into the room he’s deemed his. 

second, comes when the pace quickens and the sting on his fingertips give rise to the heat and layer of rouge. call him a sadist, he presses harder — the force of visceral pain giving into the emptiness he’s filled himself with. there’s nothing more that gives into the loneliness he doesn’t feel anymore. the numbness of an aching phantom pain, music that no longer yanks out the fervor it once did, and what he craves most is the overarching freedom of music in full revolt. the blaring sounds of speakers and not so much the meager tones that barely encase the hums of the strings.

yet, he plays on. presses record when the strings become nothing but a broken record of the same three notes. it’s repetition when a mind’s at a halt, already encased and engrained in another thought — the thought of another song trapped inside the walls of his hard drive. still, he just continues.

and when his mind rids the instrument at play, the second coming of something bland ensues. he pulls out his keyboard, a few clicks into logic. (he’s a creature of habit, and he’s the first to admit). so, when the settings already surmise a standardization of kickdrums in base, he fidgets. lets his fingers assemble the baselines of something old — a kickdrum that plays off-beat in the hums of the guitar. 

looming. eerie — call it an effect of the time of day or an effect of laziness, his mind already wanders into the restlessness of his feet tapping along and a head already in sync eating, feeding into the music that lies in his bones. (here, he wonders — selling out, was it worth it at all? now, is this just a time for broken hopes and wasted hours?). 

talentless is how he sees himself. pitiful in the way he doesn’t try out creativity for the punches of something new that rides with the harmonies of the chart — pavlov’s dog, and he’s only been trained with the act of self-criticism wrapped up in false bravado for sake of others. shitty beat, a shit simplicity. nobody buys it, not when he’s sitting inside a company that slaughters him for food.

sell out for the masses, he’s accepted the notion many times before. but he still presses on.

presses on when the third cue comes in the safe haven of keys — the keyboard, and he realizes, he’s been a fucking fraud all along. classically trained in each and every term of hours invested into hakwons, and all he manages is a bare four key press tampering with a simple flit of keys. there’s a progression that ensues near the end, and he knows this is a dead beat only hinders the effects of too many hours torn and dry. his fingers scratch his head, a distaste in perfection leaving him to leave the blue screen then and there with a steady force pulling him back onto the sofa.

palms on his head — he closes his eyes. sleep is for the weak, and in this case — he’s so fucking weak.

—

(sometime in 2016).

he meets her on a sunday.

some rusty pub in downtown berlin — berlin the scene of nightlife and non-stop parade of underground pubs. (gyujeong gives in when he’s guised inside the anonymity of a foreign country). 

he steps outside for an air, free from the clouds of smoke that engulf his lung inside. yet, when he’s out away from a manager and the incessant patterns of clubs gone haywire, he manages to balance a cigarette between his lips. hands dug deep into the pockets, patting and salvaging a lighter no longer there — he groans, lets his eyes flicker to a girl in a pink wig, curved lips that speak: i’ve been watching you.

she’s pretty. almond shaped eyes and a killer smile between the smoldering cigarette, dressed inside nothing more than the rags of yesterday. he shoots her a look, narrowed eyes. her footsteps follow off-beat with the booming speakers of the club, and her hands raise a light.

“you’re welcome.” she says, the coyness in her voice unavoidable. she wears bravado like he’s never seen, and he arches a brow in question.

“i didn’t say thank you.”

“you should.”

“no.” 

“i’m celine.”

“that’s not your real name.”

his own cigarette burns on, ash collecting in the ends. his fingers curve across the thin stick, tapping it away as his eyes stare deadly into hers. she’s intoxicating, her aura is. no alcohol, only the thrumming steadiness of nicotine running in his veins, yet he’s brought to a halt of words when curiosity takes over.

-

the night ends early morning monday when he stumbles in past too many glasses of wine and the taste of sin resting upon his tongue. his hands reach for a pen, the hotel notepad shuffled in the side. he realizes, is this love? or is this a dazed dream into a figment he’s lost into the night.

yet, he writes of her.

you’re my downtown baby your eyes are the stars of the night you’re the dream i wanna dream of every night baby without you i can’t do this anymore.

he writes for the confidence she walks in when it becomes intoxicating into his lungs — each shared conversation of make believe and maybes, the future uncertain. (he asked for her number, she said : room 628). 

he writes for each lapse of laughter caught up in the weariness of alcohol sitting on his tongue, his hands wrapped in hers engulfed in the scent of smoke-tainted clementines and vanilla. she tells him he’s delirious underneath french wine and berlin stars, and he tells her she doesn’t know him.

she never knew him, he never knew her.

but what he thinks of is tomorrow, and the time that ticks against their fleeting memories.

“don’t think this is forever.”

“i don’t.”

“good. today and tomorrow.”

“number 628, 6 pm.”

he envisions her slender arms and some german movie indecipherable to his cause — what he craves most is the skin on skin contact that comes when his lips inch closer to hers, only to barely graze the surface of silent mutters. (he drowns in her, he has. he will).

but physical magnetism dies when she parts her mouth. 

elbow to floor, palm to head, he stares — collects each trace of her into his memories to splurge out now. from the faux mole drawn underneath her eyebrows and the dimple that dips in when gutentag gets exchanged for bonjour. he loses himself in her, gives her a piece of his soul when she purses her lips alluring her in each step of the way.

let’s watch a movie then drink all night long let’s light a cigarette and talk all night long.

gyujeong knows, time is uncertain. not when the pen writes more permanencies than the fleeting words she gives. and what she’s given him becomes a timepiece of tonight and the hope for tomorrow. half-dazed, he lights another cigarette — the lighter that becomes the image of her. smoke in the air, she’s her downtown berlin. the taste of a new city he’ll never stretch anew.

a one time piece into escapism, he gives into her. gives into every touch and every word, breathing in the pieces till he dries his mind empty and blank — it’s lost, he’s lost. they’re lost, and she’s still floating high above while he remains stationed into the anonymity he loses the second berlin becomes a wasted touch of nostalgia.

—

(sometimes in 2016).

insomnia hits him like a train wreck.

not when he’s in the dorms lounging inside the room he canvases as his makeshift studio, but when he’s inside the same walls of a studio. the cacophony of marred notes and juxtaposed instruments no longer providing the safe haven they once were.

creative stump.

he calls it when his head tilts, and the straw balances between his mouth. one sip, americano doesn’t jolt him awake, no. it steadies the curse for mouth clicks into a dead hard drive he hasn’t touched in years.

one dated: 2014, he opens. finds the beat once satiated with sell-out written all over it and a mind that breathes in the beats he once deemed helpless. it’s the same noise of the simple guitar rift and steady baseline. the punch comes from the piano inside the ghostly repetitions. 

but he opens it up, and it’s the jostle of berlin sitting underneath his skin, unable to forget. he remembers it all with the notes sprawled out in front of him.

downtown baby.

the mic’s already in place and he realizes — those are the only words he has left to give to the woman who’s given him it all.

he sings the first few chorus in the beginning. the first take’s too gritty, and he realizes her touch is far from that — it ripples at the surface, lingers. when it stays too long of fragile fingers carding through his hair, and the softer laughter that comes from the cheap shots of “your hair feels like my golden retriever back home.”

so, he goes with take eight when it becomes a mirage of roughness laced with the drag of his voice — uncertainty comes in tone, the apprehension that embeds inside the chorus when he sings. never polished, imperfect inside each polished frame of smiles and whispers wrapped up in a pink wig.

verses continue, and he doesn’t find satisfaction — not with the first, tenth or twentieth take. it’s too fine tuned to his status quo. and he’s never been ruthless nor a crippling force when it comes to her, no. he’s been the one that disarms, falls back into the trap of tongue-tied merciless confusions.

so, he gives that to her.

gives it in when his voice perches back to drag of singing rap, the lyrics conspicuous in a punch of early-morning mania. perhaps, he doesn’t know what incoherencies come from mind at bay, just the after effects of jaded yesterdays.

[jjba-hell]

Fate and Fortune

Part 17.

You can find part 16 here for a refresher but the rest of the story is under the fate and fortune tag.

Moots :3 @fyre23 @risottoneroo

Getting a bit darker for this one with some familial trauma, hospitals, morgues and needles and such. Very Vera centered- the boys will be back real soon though- like I might double post to keep the story moving soon.

Arriving at the hospital she only agreed to the blood transfusion- her blood pressure getting a few concerned eye widenings from the nurses. But if there was one place she hated being in, it was a hospital. Especially in the state she was in.

The transfusion had just finished and the nurse was coming in with a gown and a drip.

“No.” She practically sprung up, pressing into the little hole in her right arm with the cotton ball taped to it. “I’m not staying the night.”

“Ma’am, do I need to fetch your guardian?”

“Is that a threat?” Vera almost hissed at the disinterested little nurse. Lucky for her Avdol came into the room with just a bandage around his neck. She figured she had healed him quick enough to avoid anything serious.

“I know you hate it-“ Avdol started with palms facing her as he approached her.

“No Avdol, I’m not staying.”

“Your blood pressure was too low- we’re gonna need to keep you for observation.” The nurse turned to Avdol as she spoke the next part. “Can we offer a sedative to help ease her hysteria?”

Vera’s jaw dropped. “A sedative-? Why you!” She lunged straight into Avdol’s arm- not that it was her intention.

“Vera! As soon as you get the green light, I’ll take you away myself but we can’t risk it at this point! We’ve come too far.”

He sternly put her back down beside the hospital bed- her gaze avoiding his own intense golden one. She never could argue with him.

“Fine, but you can forget the gown.”

He smiled, folding his arms in front of his chest. “I’ll have Jotaro bring you an overnight bag in about half an hour, would that be more agreeable?”

“I’d appreciate that, thank you.” She sat back down on the bed to let the nurse jab the needle into her arm and leave her be for the night.

Jotaro had only swung by briefly with her overnight bag in hand.

He watched as she fed her connected arm through her tank top before taking the bag from the hook and feeding it through the same shirt.

“You move pretty well for someone who was nearly limb locked in the car.” He grumbled from his seat across the room.

“Might have been the blood- I feel fine now.”

He only hummed in agreement as she crawled into the crinkling hospital bed patting the bed beside her.

“I can’t. They wouldn’t even let me in to drop your stuff off, let alone stay past visiting hours.

Her head dropped against the pillow in frustration- groaning. “Fuck.”

Vera hopped back up onto her feet and pulled the drip with her as she walked over to Jotaro with his elbows on his knees.

He rose up as she got closer, bending down to give her a kiss on her forehead- a gesture that would have shocked her if she didn’t know it was his way of leveling with her- Vera seemed to mellow out under such tender physical gestures, even if it wasn’t necessarily his first choice.

“I’ll be back by morning.” Was all he could say as he gave her hand one final squeeze before leaving the room.

“Good night.”

With a reluctant sigh she crawled back into bed.

In a sense the fever that hit her a few hours later brought relief to her- somewhat. The intensity of a stand fever could never compare to a regular fever. So when she shot out of the hospital bed at 3am as if she was on fire, it came as no surprise to her mind as her body searched for relief- any kind of relief.

Vera ripped the needle from her arm and on shaky legs pushed the hospital door open to a very dark and very empty hallway. Her own feet betrayed her and with an ugly thud she acquainted herself with the floor- which gave her just a temporary cooling relief for the heat but she needed more.

Maybe it was hallucinations of her own muddled mind but the sight of her mother at the end of the hallway... it sparked a strange sense of excitement.

“Mom?” Her voice came out raspy and distorted to her own ears. Her dad’s face peaked just a bit behind her mother’s raven hair- the two looking at her fondly, as if she was a silly child in the play park, as if they were trying to get her to come back home.

“Dad?” She stumbled up to her feet, using the wall to get closer to what she knew was probably a mirage.

“Come on, angel. You don’t have all the time in the world.” Her dad spoke softly but just as she had gotten close enough to fall into their arms they walked off down a different hallway.

“Don’t strain yourself too much, Vera.” Her mother called back but how could she listen when all she wanted was to hold them one more time. The chance was right in front of her, right now! When would she ever get the chance again so while clutching the walls for support she ran after them.

Three more hallways, down two flights of stairs and one more hallways- she pushed past the swinging doors to what she could only in that moment puzzle together was the very reason she dreaded being in the hospital- the morgue.

“This one’s empty, angel. It might be a bit intense but it should help you think more clearly.”

Was it a stand attack? She wasn’t sure anymore. But when her hand gripped the metal door lock and opened, the cold flowing from the freezer hitting her body seemed too welcoming to ignore. She slid the tray out only about half way to climb on and slide herself back in.

The relief she felt was almost instant the second her skin met the metal table and then enveloped as she slid in.

Her breath seemed to come easier, so she turned on her stomach- keeping her hand on the edge of the door so she could still leave when she woke up from the fever dream.

And a fever dream it was. Soon as her head lolled down against her own arm and her eyes slid shut she was thrown into the little sun room she and her parents would have breakfast in. Sitting on the slightly uncomfortable little chair as she stared down at her bowl of granola and dried fruits. Beside her, her parents had their favorite breakfasts laid out in front of them. Her mom- avocado toast. And her dad- eggs Benedict.

When her mom spoke she spoke with a voice not just her own- “Vera.”

At the sound of her name she gave a deep breathe in, still not moving her eyes as the my fixated on the almond among her granola. “Do you blame yourself?” Her mother asked again.

Vera’s gaze lazily lifted up to meet her mother’s gaze. “What?”

“Well it’s quite common in this situation for a survivor to feel a kind of... guilt, angel.” Her father spoke in the same voice- multiples with only his recognizable to her.

“What situation?” Was she supposed to feel guilty for climbing into the morgue freezer?

Her father smiled warmly at her, as if the answer was so simple. “The accident.”

As if to prove a point, a warm liquid dropped onto her lap and in panic she looked over at her mom- who was slumped over the now empty table- her throat bleeding out once more and her dad not too different.

Vera shot up from her seat and tried to scurry away, falling over her own chair in panic. Why couldn’t she close her eyes? “Why are you haunting me?” She whimpered- her hands shaking as she tried to bite back her tears. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry I let them disturb your peace! I’m sorry I wasn’t there to take care of you! I’m sorry I didn’t bury you properly!”

The tears blurred her vision just enough for her to blink them away and when she opened them again- the tiled sun room was gone and the three of them was knelt down in the middle of the desert- a scale between them. After a moment she realized she was on one side of the scale with her parents on the other- gaping holes in their chests.

“We had found peace the first time we were buried, my angel.” She looked between her parents, both of their throats scarred but healed at least- Vera’s heart sat stubbornly in her throat.

The answer to the first question they had asked her finally came to mind and with a few breaths, trying to steady herself she answered. “It was my fault. I was supposed to take care of you! It’s my fault you’re dead in the first place!” She clawed into her knees, tears falling onto her striped pajama shorts. “I was weak and useless and I’ve been getting stronger for what? When all of this is over- regardless of outcome- I won’t ever be able to see you again. I’d give anything just for you hold me again.”

Vera felt like a child throwing a tantrum. Her parents were long gone and here she was, screaming at the figments of her own imagination- as if they could change the despair in her heart.

The sand beneath her legs seemed to shift and change once more and the comforting touch of her mother- so accurate she’d swear it was real- came to rest on her shoulder, soon joined by her father’s.

She had wished for an embrace so bad and they had complied. Her mom stroked her hair as her dad held them all close- the warmth being so welcoming.

“You have to stop blaming yourself, angel. You have to let go.”

Vera hid her face in the crook of her mother’s neck. “I miss you so much, how can you ask something like that of me?”

“You have to stop binding yourself to this pain, Vera. You need to stop looking back.” Her father squeezed them in tight a bit more.

That moment, she could have stayed in forever, travel in the underworld surrounded by their love. But the ground gave out all around them- wherever they were and not before long she had slipped from their grasp and said goodbye for the very last time.

With a jerk on impact in her dream she twitched herself awake in the freezer. Her fever was still raging but there was no way she was going to endure it in a morgue.

Four in the morning she had called a cab and asked to stop at the convenience store outside the hotel. The world spun as she got out of the car and picked up four bags of ice which she paid with whatever cash she could find in her pocket.

In the cab she slipped a few ice cubes into the back of her shirt on quietly suckled on one in her mouth as the cabby drove- the confused look he gave as he watched her bring a cold hand to the back of her neck.

After paying for the cab and booking in at the front desk she pried the plastic bags of ice open and poured it into the bathtub. Thankfully it was a fancy hotel and she didn’t have to worry about a dirty tub. The cold water hadn’t even started to float the ice before Vera laid her back down on the ice and let the water creep up behind her.

The ice felt like it was melting fat too quickly against the rampant fever overtaking her body. She let the water run until her head was floating in the surface along the ice- closing the taps with a sigh.

At least this round felt easier. The pain and heat were intense but she had just enough control to try and focus on keeping herself alive. It seemed bizarre still, though- having a second stand fever? Someone with two stands was absolutely improbable... so was it Fortune? Were they- changing?

Vera lifted her head just enough to look at the time on the wall clock across the hotel room.

4:55.

Cool, five minutes. She promised herself she’d submerge herself for just five minutes- she’d managed this time before.

The cold enveloping her skin truly was soothing- she couldn’t help but wonder if her body enjoyed this ease of aches and pains when Avdol would dip her into the water like this- the first time round.

Her mind wandered around the sight of her parents’ gaping chests. Of course- her father had been a believer of the ancient faith. Her mother converted not long after they had met- even if her catholic roots still affected her view of the world- she was pretty sure there weren’t angels in Egyptian faith. At least they were together. Hearts weighed by Anubis and sent off to their afterlife... at least they were together.

What would weigh heavy on her heart? Would it be Enya’s blood on her hands? Would it be the loneliness she had become so well acquainted with in the cold rainy dorm room at the boarding school? Would it be the guilt and grief of missing her parents?

Let go.

It seemed so simple. To just let it all go.

“I have been letting go.”

The voice in her head sounded so much like her own. But the ones echoing behind it most certainly wasn’t you. “You’ve been running, Vera. Forgetting, not forgiving.”

The voice made her realize- she hadn’t been keeping count of how long it had been since her head was submerged. But when she tried to break the surface of the water- her forehead met with a layer of ice. It can’t be. She opened her eyes to look at the frosted surface of the water above her but the bathtub had suddenly become so much deeper. In the darkness seeming to stretch to the bottom of the ocean behind her, the rune symbols on Fortune’s dials glowed an ominous red.

“Why do you run?”

“Because the past can’t.”

They didn’t answer. But a sinking feeling around her right leg started to drag her down. Instinctually- she kicked and flailed her limbs to stay closer to the surface- unavailable as it was.

“Only you can remove the chains, Vera.”

The red runes became swallowed by darkness as her arms grew tired and Fortune watched her get dragged down.

It felt like she was sinking forever as she eventually gave up. Was it really that easy? What would happen if she reached the bottom? Would the water in her lungs become real and some reaper would come pick her up? Would they take the ball and chain with her?

The chains seemed so loose- maybe just a quick slip away from freedom.

But why bother? What was out there that she’d miss? The warm chai Avdol brewed on Sunday mornings? Would she be able to leave the boarding school after her graduation anyway?

Hugs. She’d miss the hugs. Even from Mr Joestar. Smoke break shenanigans with Polnareff. The looming safety of Jotaro’s presence behind her. Kakyoin’s gentle hand holds. It had only been what? A month since she’d even started to experience these things. How would it feel... once it was all over and the ball and chain was gone? Was it enough to find out?

If she could sigh, she would have. But instead she curled up a bit, unhooked the loose chain around her right ankle and let herself float.

Her hands broke the surface of the water first- the ice gone as quickly as it was there. Her breath came easy- as if she didn’t feel like she was drowning. Crisp and refreshing, very reminiscent to that same time she had woken from the first fever. When the cold shot right through to her bones, she knew the fever was over.

Her eyes slid open to meet Fortune standing beside the bathtub- a bit different from what they usually looked like with the new displayed dial in the center of their collarbone.

“I see why you don’t talk.” Vera laughed to herself, sinking a bit back into the water to lay her head on the edge of the bath.

Coincidentally her eyes met with the clock on the wall she had looked at before going under...

4:55.

“I guess that’s what the new dial is for.”

[minghaoss-archive]

4 o'clock • Johnny Suh(m)

warnings : mentions of depression, suicide, self harm, smut.

summary : Johnny's saved you quite a few times, with that smile of his, with that goofy laugh of his, he's your sitting mate, he's your note collector, he's your friend, he's the fashion major who's gotten your lousy dark outfits together for stupid parties, he's your saviour, Johnny saves you-truly in every meaning-because one night, he saves your life too.

You seep into your bed, your body felt like it had the weight of a bag of bricks, you were anchored to your sheets, sweat glossing over your body. Why did depression had to be like this? Will you ever be happy? You were so tired of this feeling, this never ending cycle where you'd always end up being unhappy. Maybe tonight's the night, you decide, tonight's the night you'd stop being this damn sad. You had that dream again, where you're afloat, all alone and you're trying to drown but you don't run out of breath. Dreams have a weird way of terrorizing one's peace of mind. You felt unlovable in your skin, fingers grazing up against the half healed slits on your wrists from so many times before,you've been in this situation so many times before.

Did you really have to recollect the horrendous mistakes you made in middle school? Couldn't you forgive yourself? Did you really have to read all of the things you were told online? It's been years. You're an adult hung up on something that has passed so long ago. Bullying- is a really heavy word-one of your friends said to you once, this is how kids behave she'd told you. So it looked more reasonable to blame yourself instead. It was your fault you were hurt, it was a voice in your head who'd hurt you, not anyone else's. The problem is rooted from you, so you conclude that it's best if you remove it.

A noise that goes unregistered by you hauls you out of your ruminations. Your phone rings, vibrating on the bedside table, you feel like your head's underwater, the buzzing of your phone pushing you to grab onto it, the orange glow of the screen reading, Johnny. You smile at the name, you love him, from the first day he'd cracked some lame joke, from the day you'd seen his eyes light up when he'd talk about 50's fashion, Johnny's saved you quite a few times, be it from angry professors or loud parties, he was your drunken nights' caretaker, your savior and perhaps, your only friend, the person who'd make you genuinely happy, with him, you could forget that you were suffering from an eon long depression. With him, you could believe in love. You wished to tell him how much you liked him but unfortunately, he'd never know. He'd never hear your voice after this call.

You pick up the phone, "Hey, how's my favorite dwarf?" He breathes, you can hear him smile, you think about all the nights you'd spent together in your apartment, with rented movies and stolen hawaiian pizza from the job you'd taken at a pizza parlor because it was his favorite, you'd remembered how Johnny designed you a beautiful shirt on your birthday. You thought about how much you're going to miss Johnny, and how much he's going to miss you. It's not fair-taking away his friend like that- you can picture him finding out you've killed yourself, shocked at the paleness of you, wondering what he missed-how he could've saved you. It isn't fair to him, you think, but then again, nothing is ever fair. You were a burden to him, taking up his love, his time, and you needed to go. You bite your lip to mask the sound of you crying as tears well up in your eyes, your vision blurring.

"y/n?" He calls, his voice coated with genuine concern, you choke out uncontrollably, and by now, Johnny can tell you're crying. "hey, what's wrong? What is it? Where are you? I'm coming over with your favorite chocolate chip cookies, that's why I called, tell me when I get there if you don't want to now, what's wrong? What happened?" He bombards you with questions, "Goodbye, Johnny, I-I love you." You croak, hearing him shuffle with car keys.

You had to be fast, you think, so you hang up before the honey sweet tone of Johnny Suh's voice makes you retreat from your pursuit.

It'll take Johnny a solid 15 minutes to get your place, so you take your sweet time. Bleeding to death is a bit too messy, you think, ideas filling up your heavy head when you watch your bathtub. You put on a black dress, color your lips a rosy red, as you fill your bathtub up, put on Perry Como's 'Killing Me Softly', you dance to yourself, eyes shut close as tears kiss your face, you watch the blue sky getting splattered on with dark ink of black black clouds-goodbye, world, you think.

Strumming my pain with her fingers, singing my life with her words.

Your toes curl at the coolness of the icy water of the bathtub, as you unlocked the door to your apartment, making sure Johnny has no trouble in finding you in your lifeless body, you lay down, slightly afloat, like you were in your dream and you try to drown just like, how you did in your dream, pressing your body to the bottom of the tub, you hear a faint call of your name, the loud sound of a door being pushed open, you're drowning, just like you dreamt except now, you really do lose breath, your vision blurs,

Killing me softly with her song, killing me softly with her song.

It happens so fast, you have a flash of what being a child was like, the faint memory of your mother's soft smile, I'm sorry, mom, for breaking your heart, you think, the voices in your head dying out with you.

.....

Your eyes shoot open and you cough out a fistful of water, your wet body plastered to the bathroom floor. Johnny's looking down at you, with his eyes reddened, he sighs, his arched cupid's bow resigning into an expressionless purse. He pushes himself away from your body, his back pressed up against one of the bathroom walls. You turn your head to him, words disappearing at the back of your throat, guilt rushing over, as you look at Johnny, his soft brown glistening, the happiness in them seized as he looks back at you.

"I thought you died," he croaks, and you sob, you sob and sob, your heart out, Johnny picks you up, and cradles you to his chest.

You hold him close, you're alive, you feel alive, he makes you want to be alive, with the rapid beat of his heart, a heart that's wrapped around yours. You're both pouring each other's emotions into one another, you feel the ache in your body dying away. "I love you." He says, kissing your forehead, you're not sure how he means it, but you don't question it. He's always been your savior. He's always saved you and tonight, he's saved your life.

........

Johnny looks over to you in the passenger seat, you're in one of his shirts that he'd left when he was going over to your place for a movie night.

He'd decided that he couldn't trust you with yourself, and brought you out, bought you your favorite dark chocolate frappe, and frozen yogurt. He plays Daniel Caesar's 'Get You', as he taps the steering wheel, humming to himself.

He's driving you to his place in silence, the apartment a foreign one as you've never been there before. "Johnny," he hums, his eyes widening at the one thing you've said since after he's found you.

"Sing to me." You say, placing your palms against his thigh, Johnny watches you smile at him, and he feels like his heart might beat out of his ribcage, he's really the reason behind your smile, he can hardly believe it. "I will,when we get home, sweetheart." You melt into the seat, with the nickname on his tongue dissolving like butter on a hot pan, he mirrors you, grinning so wide that he fears his face might hurt.

....

Johnny's apartment is arranged, a little too arranged and prim- perfect in monochrome colors, except that wall of his where he's painted a picture of a drying river, there's the smell of cologne and something sweet like almond in his apartment, Johnny still has Daniel Caesar's entire Freudian album booming through his speakers, you drink in the whole apartment, you've never seen this side of him, the most unfamiliar thing in his room being a grand piano, record labels of different bands, and Johnny's fashion magazines, a framed cloth on which he's designing a white dress,you assume for his class project or something.

A pleasing smell of delicious pasta wafts the air, Johnny hums along to the music as he cooks, you watch him sway his hips, holding a spatula up for a mic as you lean on to the doorway of his kitchen, you smile at him, snorting when he hits the imaginary notes with the beats of his feet. Johnny turns to you and grins, "I'm almost done." He says, urging you to go into the living room. That's where his table sits.

You're at the loss of appetite, feeling yourself full from the frappe, you never imagined the after blow of your survival would be so sweet, that Johnny reciprocate your love for him, you whine when he comes to the table with the meal.

He stabs the pretty looking penne with his fork, nearing you as if he were to feed you, "I'm not hungry. You eat." You giggle when he furrows his eyebrows together in false anger.

When he doesn't relent, you bite into the spoonful of pasta, sighing and melting into his cooking. "Delicious right?" He asks, beaming as he gets to feeding you and himself.

After dinner, Johnny reaches a hand out for you, "A dance?" You nod vehemently, your much smaller frame pressed into his enormous one as he rests his palm against the small of your back, your arms around his neck. You feel your heart beat and so does he.

Thank you for saving my life. The song plays in the background, you press your cheek to Johnny's chest, he shares your rapid heart beats, you wonder what would've happened if you really drowned, who would dance with you tonight? Who would take care of you? You're thankful as the tenderness of Johnny's body pressed to yours spread all over your body, you want to tell him that you can feel him in your rushing blood, your love for him coursing through your veins like adernaline, the scent of his rain and almond milk self paralyzes you to your core but Johnny speaks up first. "I owe you a song." He says, plopping down in front of his piano as you sit above your weight supported by your feet, he plays your favorite, La Vien En Rose, he sings, his fingers dancing over the keys of the piano deftly, you watch him, in his white shirt, his broad shoulders dancing along to the rhythm of his piece. You watch his rosy mouth move to the words he utters. He has a weird way of pacifying you, when he opens his mouth to utter a lyric, you get to your feet, hold Johnny's face in your hands and kiss him- he's stopped in his speech, half lyric

Your gut feels like a hundred butterflies have exploded in it when he kisses you back, he stands, much taller than you, his arms pulling you close to him as he grins at you, you back away a little when he leans in in reflex, "Let me kiss you properly,dummie," you giggle, and let Johnny cradle your face before he kisses you. His mouth tastes of cherry wine, his tongue licking into your mouth, drinking you whole. Your palms rest on his stomach as your feet back up and you end up clanking the piano keys with a clink.

Johnny holds you by your hips, sitting you atop of the instrument as he slots in between your legs, when you rattle with his belt, attempting to pull it off, he pulls away from you, catching his breath as his forehead presses up against yours. "We could do something else. Are you sure you're okay? Do you really want this?-"

You cut him off with a kiss, now that you've had a taste of having him, you can't stop till he's yours entirely. "Johnny, I want this. I want you." He groans at your response, grabbing your thighs and wrapping them around your waist as he carries you to his bedroom.

Johnny strips you, little by little, kissing your shoulder, your scars, his fingers consuming every bit of you, carving you newly like a precious clay piece. You reach over his collar and bring your mouth to his, Johnny takes this as a sign to take his shirt off, holding your ankles to his shoulders, "Fuck," he swears, when he slips into you. Your nails dig into his back as his name falls off of your lips like a mellifluous song. His thrusts are are soft, his hands all over you, as if he were scared to let go. You can feel him in your stomach, full to the brim. You feel him twitch, every bend of you intermingled in him. "You're so beautiful," he tells you in between moans, and for the first time, you really believe it.

In the narrow sliver of moonlight reaching his face, you can tell that Johnny's cheeks are tainted a cherry pink, he sighs out your name, your high chasing the pace of his thrusts, as you clench around him, you drive him to reach his climax.

Johnny slows down his pace, his bottom lip drawn into his mouth, when you whimper his name, he feels like that must be the end of it, but when he's met with the beautiful sight of your brows scrunched up in oversensitivity, he lets loose, pumping his cum into your core, "I love you," he says, only to hear you repeat it.

That's the night you go to bed with Johnny, sleep invading your body from the after effect of your late night activity.

That night you dream of drowning again, except you're learning to swim, and you dream of the drying river which was painted on Johnny's wall. You dream of Johnny, pulling the anchor out of your spine and hauling you out of bed.

When you're awake in the middle of the night, the dry feeling of being afraid is absent, Johnny, in his sleep, pulls you to him with one of his hands, his arms wrapped securely around your waist. Your back is pressed up against his front and you smile to yourself.

Johnny's saved you a million times and each time, you'd let him.

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

Home For The Holidays

Summary: “Oh, don’t remind me.” Ray frowned, setting his knitting aside. His mother was due for a visit because she’d been dying to see his new apartment. And though the roommate was expected…she did not know he’d been dating his roommate since Junior Year of high school. Which was a long time to not know about something considering they were both Juniors in College these days. 

{Chapter 2 is a flashback to how Ray & Pete got together in High School}

{I know I said the next chapters would be posted to my 2nd King account BUT something went wrong with my drafts on that account??? IDK but it’s an issue}

(I turned this request into a full fic, oops.)

Chapter 2 : Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days of Summer

Words: 14,897

Ships: Gavries. Stephen King’s ‘The Long Walk’.

 ~~~~{Some years before the afternoon of Mrs. Garraty’s visit}~~~~

{September}

An old blue ford pulled into the tortured looking parking lot in the early morning, with the stamina plucked straight from a small, tired dog after a hard run. A bright and painful sun-glare lingered on his mothers rear-view mirror and irritated the boy’s bleary morning eyes. He became increasingly aware of the pile of books on his lap just as it became too late. Opening the passenger side door, they toppled off their jean seat and slapped the dark pavement. Behind him, his mother gasped as any doting mother would. He elected to ignore the sound as his fingers curled around the tiny student ID card, nails scratching unpleasantly on the yellow space-line.  

GARRATY RAYMOND DAVIS

POWNAL MAINE

JUNIOR

ID NUMBER: 49801

Go Tigers!

Collecting his things, he made to turn to his mother who was sat plum-still in the drivers seat with and half-grin. He was somewhat able to deny the fact that she was weary of his growing age. All mothers were for their children. Be it because of fear of losing moments with them or because it shined light on the underlying fact that they too were growing older than they wanted to be. He expected his mother thought a little of both. Just then, he noticed the little wrinkled lines around that oh-so familiar smile. It was a little unsettling.

“I’ll walk home afterwards. So you don’t have to make the journey back out.” He said a little sarcastically. Mrs. Garraty widened the smile and handed him his forgotten schedule. That tightness returned to her expression and Garraty felt inclined to say something about it. “It’s just junior year, mom.” He shrugged. Truly, sometimes he felt as if he couldn’t get older fast enough. Time moved so slow these days that he swore he was perpetually young.

“Well I don’t like it.” She frowned, shifting the car into reverse but still remaining frozen in the lot as she gave her son the once-over.

“Mom.” He returned the frown, hoping his tone would give her the hint that it was time to go which turned out to be a success. He looked over the retreating car-roof and lightly observed the others that were littering the parking lot. His eyes fell on a boy with dark hair exiting his own car. He stood slack against the door, elbow propped atop as he took in the school. His expression was tired but what really drew Garraty in was the large white scar marking his cheek. He did not recognize him from his previous years at the school but he figured he should’ve just going off the distinct way he stood.

The man held his attention for a few moments but as high school was full of odd peers, Garraty’s eyes fell elsewhere. The chosen sight was a slightly hunched over blonde kid who was bopping his way towards the school doors with an oddly blank expression. As he was staring at the kid, he failed to comprehend just where he was heading. The kid had no problem shoving past Garraty to make that point while his expression twisted to something of amusement.

“Might wanna cover your books soon!” was the sentence Garraty thought he’d heard as he rubbed his arm and the guy passed him. He scoffed at the ambiguous and strange thing to say and was about to question his hearing when a droplet of rain splashed delicately on his skin. The rain falling above him quickly increased it’s speed and immediately began to drench him. The blonde kid got under the ledge of the school building safely and without a single drop on him.

A frustrated yet small growl passed Garraty’s lips as the guy pulled a Ziploc bag of sandwiches from his jacket pocket and really went in for a large bite. He cringed a little at the sight before shaking himself a little and making his way to the building.

                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The excitement didn’t stop there. Garraty managed to get through his first three classes with no lasting effects other than the growing bags under his eyes and syllabus pages he’ll never read.

However, he did encounter that blonde guy a couple more times. Each time unsettled Garraty more but he kept finding himself waiting for the next one with some kind of mixture of eagerness and disdain. He brushed it off for a few minutes as he trudged down the hall.

His favorite part of school days was the time he spent lingering at his locker. He’d discovered the idea of bringing himself a snack to stash inside his locker at the beginning of the day would feed him for at least the rest of the day. It was a minimal joy to have amidst the passing days of agonizing work and annoying people. It was a small tradition he’d carried from Freshman year and he didn’t see an end in sight.

Jan, the miracle he got to call his girlfriend, always thought it was a little odd. She’d twitch her nose in that classic way whenever he’d reach in the metal locker and snack on something. He could almost hear her thought each time she shook her head, ‘Boys’. It was the same look she got when he was bored to death on Sunday afternoons and went about strolling through the Sears in their town mall. Or maybe that look was more about boredom...considering she just trailed around with him.  

Jan had transferred to another school in their district just before their Sophomore year due to a small move. That had been an incredible bummer. He was embarrassed to say they’d acted as if it were the end of the world. Like going to a school a bit farther away would mean they’d never get so see each other again. He rolled his eyes.

They had decided to throw her a big send off party which consisted of a small summer campfire in celebration with five or six friends....well more like Jan’s friends. Garraty had never been too great at keeping friends.

He’d had his first taste of alcohol that night...which sounded lame. But it had been Jan’s first time too and that was comforting. He’d been teased relentlessly by most of the guy’s there because it was apparently a race for guys to start drinking as soon as possible. Jan got the pass because she was a girl. The complications of differences in the way men & women were treated on such trivial things, like drinking or sex, was annoying to Garraty.

Garraty reached his hand in his locker for another handful of his snack for the day, peanut M&Ms. He’d been told they were a boring candy but he actually liked them...Hell, he liked Almond Joys too and those never got a good enough reputation. It was a crime, wasn’t it? Peanut M&Ms were far too underrated and had a certain edge over the other flavors, at least he thought so-

“Hey Garraty.”

Shit! Garraty must have jumped eight feet into the air from pure shock. He banged his head on the edge of his locker and let out a few choice swears as he rubbed the sore spot.

He turned and faced what he’d expected yet feared. The blonde guy. This time he was smiling in a friendly way. “How do you know my name?” Garraty scowled, still rubbing the back of his head like a child.

“I know a lot of things you don’t, Ray.” He grinned and Garraty literally felt his fight or flight senses igniting deep in his gut. But they instantly relaxed as the boy laughed joyfully. “I’m just kidding man. I passed by that photo of the swim team from last year and you're in it with your name listed. Relax.” He reached out to pat Garraty’s shoulder, who instantly pulled back a little.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a little creepy....?”

“You can call me Stebbins. And yes.” He shrugged, seemingly immune to the insult. “Can I have an M&M?”

Garraty rolled his eyes and was tempted to say no but he took a few in his hand and water-falled them into Stebbin’s pooled palms before really thinking twice about how much he had left. “Knock yourself out.” He lowered his voice to a bored tone. He turned back to actually start getting his books together for his next few classes but he could tell Stebbins hadn’t left by the sound of his crunching.

“You wanna go to Denny’s after school?”

What?

“What?” Garraty was probably never going to understand this guy. That is if he ever hung out with him again and he planned not to. “No, I don’t wanna go to Denny’s with you.” He almost let out a small laugh at the sheer oddity of the moment. Stebbins once again didn’t seem to be phased at all. He continued to munch on his newly acquired snack and shrugged. He felt like questioning the guy a little more but when the bell rang, he was gone before the sound even ended.

It was a little spooky. Garraty chuckled and pushed another M&M passed his lips. Yet very interesting...

                               ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a long school day, Ray was ready to split like a banana...or whatever the hell that saying was. He got to experience the luxury of missing his last period, gym class, to hang-out in the office to straighten up some things so his mind wondered who might be sharing that class with him.

Garraty had planned on paying Jan a good, long call after he got home but decided he didn’t much want to. He suspected she was staying after for some club or something anyway...but he wasn’t sure. He never was one for talking over his whole day. He thought it was sort of pointless but Jan had some appreciation for it. She was into things like that.

Girls did a number on his brain. He could never completely wrap his mind around them. His least favorite thing he’d ever tried to understand was the thing where they said one thing but meant something entirely different.

He recalled one afternoon where he and Jan were sitting around his home with a couple of her friends and she’d made a joke about his small feet. He’d simply retaliated with a joke about her big feet. Boy....had that been a mistake.

Jan had told him she was just fine which he foolishly believed. She froze him out for a solid two days before he apologized. It was confusing.

And he fell into that trap more than just often. So he was sort of glad that he wouldn’t have to work his way through her maze of conversation for a little while longer.

He strolled down the hall slowly with thoughts of peanut M&M’s dancing in his head. His locker was luckily at the tail end of the hallway, only requiring one neighbor who he had yet to meet.

Just as he was entering his combination he felt a presence behind him. He took in some air and wouldn’t you know it-?

“Who's tripping down the streets of the city

Smilin' at everybody she sees....”

Garraty heard muffled music first, he almost didn’t want to turn around. Maybe he could get away with just bolting down the hall. He might’ve actually done that too if it weren’t for the small side of him that kind of wanted to know what the guy had to say this time.

His shoes squeaked in time with the clicking of Stebbin’s mouth, a smile now large on his face. He had the funkiest, most out-dated pair of huge headphones basically pillowing his head and the music just poured out. ‘Might as well just play it out-loud.’ Garraty rolled his eyes and leaned back on the lockers.

“Is there something I can help you with?”

Stebbins expression didn’t change at all, that smile still plastered on his face. It was funny for a couple seconds before it started to feel like he was looking into his soul or some shit. Garraty’s skin crawled uncomfortably- “What?”

Stebbins finally clued him on what was going on. The asshole hadn’t heard him at all so he knocked the man’s headphones off (a little rougher than he usually was with people). “What do you want?”

The headphones slid down his sweaty neck and sat still against his skin, the music still seeping through. The sound quality was that of a walkie-talkie. Garraty had been a huge fan of those as a kid but they didn’t serve much of a purpose when you had no one to play with on the other end.

“Denny’s, remember?” He scoffed and rolled his eyes. He proceeded to shove his locker closed for him before starting off down the hall without even checking to see if Garraty would follow. It irked the man just the same as it entertained him. So he stomped over towards the blonde’s side. His body language seemingly pulled directly from an upset child. Arms crossed and angry smirk across his face. “I’m gonna get pancakes, what about you? I probably wouldn’t order the grits because they’re no good. IHop’s are better but the rest of their menu leaves a lot to be desired-”

“This is gonna work a lot better if you start talking about why you invited me instead of what you’re going to eat.” Garraty swallowed the lump in his throat and continued his steady pace to keep by the guy’s side.

Stebbins expression turned into a look of superior confusion, which was odd. He pulled at the green sleeves of his jacket and burrowed his hands inside. “I figured it was pretty obvious?” He spoke in the form of a question but there seemed to be an ulterior motive of that being a general statement that Garraty was just supposed to nod along to.

“Obviously, It’s not.” He shrugged and dodged the pointy shoulders of his classmates.

Stebbins let out an amused chuckle as the chilly air hit them both on the way passed the doors. The school year was just beginning but the air was already beginning to crisp as if Autumn wanted to drop by earlier than scheduled. Stebbins rubbed the pad of his finger under his eye and grinned. “This is a date.”

Garraty snapped his head to his side and almost took a tumble from the huge crack in the sidewalk. “Dude, what the fuck? This is not a date.”

The happy energy within the stranger didn’t take any hit from the harsh tone. He actually seemed quite pleased.

“I’m not-...” Garraty slid his hand from the pocket of his jacket to gesture but found that due to embarrassment...he could only let it hang there. Stebbins shot one eyebrow up as if daring him to continue the path traveled by most high school dicks and that one History teacher. “I’m not gay. I have a girlfriend, man.”

Stebbins hummed and curled his fingers around the passenger side door handle of what Ray assumed was his car. “Ok, so you have a girlfriend. Sorry. We can still go to Denny’s as friends though. I don’t think they’ll mind much.” The guy laughed and didn’t seem to be embarrassed at all by his assumption and it’s subsequent rejection which kinda irked Ray.

But he still allowed the Stebbins character to hold the door open for him and drive him to a Breakfast joint in the middle of the afternoon.

                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sherry baby (Sherry baby)

Sherry can you come out tonight...”

There was a small drop of syrup peeking from the corner of Stebbins smile as he thumped his spoon against his mug. He was absolutely blissed out which Ray found easy to believe considering the food that had just been placed in front of him was looking....for lack of better words...mouthwatering.

Ray slurped down some of his orange juice through the thin blue straw and rolled his lips together, finding them filmy and with bits of his dry skin caught up in the orange remnants. “What made you think I was gay?” Ray spit out the word like it was the biggest insult to him in the world.

Stebbins glanced up, some of his blonde strands falling in front of his eyes. If this were the sixties, the kid would not be let into Disneyland with a hair-style like that. “Ahh, well. To be perfectly honest, just took a chance.” He shrugged with a comical grin which became a smirk when he saw how unsatisfied that answer made his new friend.

“Ok fine. I saw you checking out that guy in the parking lot.” He licked his spoon clean of the...egg juice which it had been previously slimed with and Ray scowled. Part of it was the disgust.

“I wasn’t checking out any guy in the parking lot-!”

“It’s fine, Raymond. You say it’s so, I’ll take that word.” Stebbins leaned back against the bench and smiled.

Something in that expression suggested ‘Hell yeah, I’ll take it free. I just won’t buy it, that’s for sure.’ Ray frowned even deeper.

“His name’s McVries. Peter McVries.”

“Ok...” Ray rolled his eyes and shrugged because he couldn’t care less. Stebbins didn’t care a lick about that fact though and kept egging him on.

“He’s in our gym class-”

“Shit. We share that class?” Ray frowned and noticed a flash of hurt in Stebbins eyes when he rolled them that time so he bit his lip with regret.

“We do. And with McVries too-”

“I don’t give a shit, Stebbins.” Ray scowled, growing more and more heated by the minute. The blonde was starting at him with something of recognition which pissed him off further. His eyes bore down on Garraty yet somehow remained pleasant and gentle. They thirsted for something from him and Ray thought if he focused hard enough that he might hear a suckling sound. ‘Brain juice’ Ray thought with a morbid little chuckle. ‘Slurp it down with a straw buddy but don’t even think about sending it back if the pink chunks are too large’

One brow quirked up and started wrinkling Stebbins forehead.

‘Don’t chew, swallow them hole, huh?’ Ray paused. The voice that had bounced that in his brain did not sound like his own rather....  

“You gonna finish that meat, Ray?” Stebbins tilted his chin towards the side-order plate of bacon. Garraty surprised himself by gagging at the sight of food which by all means, was just the same as it had always been. But something about it now...might as well have been a pile of sewer muck. ‘Slurp it down Ray! Loosen the ol’ throat and suck it down.’ That voice maybe sounded like his own.

Garraty shoved the plate to Stebbins, intending to knock it off the table and maybe into a sweaty pile on the lap of his purple pants but it was nowhere close enough to the edge. His companion only followed the dishware with his eyes flushed in amusement. “Fuck off.” Ray started to shove his way out of the booth chair but Stebbins managed to looked surprised enough that Ray realized he may be overreacting.

“What, are you a vegetarian?” He chuckled and took a large bite of one piece.

Ray pathetically shook his head ‘no’ and sat back to take a long swig of his coffee. The bacon was no longer dressed in gross costume but all Ray’s appetite fled his body quicker than it had during that week long food poisoning incident in the 6th grade.

Bot something bothered him whenever the waitress-Sheila-would pass them up and find he’d eaten next to nothing off his plate. Ray felt it was important that she like him so no-he didn’t eat any meat. He just stuck the the grits which tasted no better than licking the pavement outside but Shelia seemed satisfied. How polite of Ray. He might even please her some more by puking it up all over her shoes. ‘How big were her feet?’, he wondered.

“We got off one the wrong foot, Ray-”

‘How big were Stebbins?’ Garraty shuffled in his seat and restrained himself from looking just under the table.

“I’d say so.” Ray mumbled.

“So let’s hit the brakes on this, huh?” Stebbins smiled and the corners of his lips picked up kinda like a smirk. “You go on and leave. I’ll pay for the meal and see ya in school tomorrow.” He mock-saluted and Ray hesitated for a few seconds.

“Shouldn’t I...?” Ray reached into his wallet but Stebbins rolled his eyes.

“I asked. I was irritating. It’s only fair.” He laughed in a tone so odd and weirdly-charming.

Ray mock-saluted back and got outta there as fast as his feet would take him.

                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jan played that Eddie Rabbitt 45′ over and over at nausea. The sound stayed comfortably between herself and the walls of her pink bedroom. But her parents could always tell whenever it was ‘a Rainy Night’ by the expression she had coming through the door after a school day. She was easy to read-which Garraty just seemed to be naive to.

There was a sharp patterned 3-knock routine on her door that warmed her heart. She bounced to it and welcomed her boyfriend into the bedroom, making sure to leave the door open 3-inches though...they never really did all that much. Some girls in her class had already been around the corner and down the block but herself...

Jan picked at the end of her sleeve and rolled her lips into a thin line. “What’s buggin’ you? And don’t try to deny it, you’re doing that funny dance.” She giggled and pointed to her guy’s fast-feet. Ray glanced down and froze in place atop her soft-tan carpet.

He recalled that one day last Summer when he & Jan had gone down to the beach with some of her gal-pals. Her long blonde had hair hit her waist and danced just above the fine line of her yellow bikini (not polka-dotted, mind you). Ray wasn’t even sure if the girl had gotten it wet once. ‘Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer...’ an old tune played in back of his head. The giggle bunch had buried him in the sand.

‘Just fill your basket full of sandwiches and weenies...’ He had a friend once. They took off their clothes-Ray swallowed and mustered up a grin for Jan.

They had buried him in the sand. The juvenile fun had covered up the twitch of interest he’d felt below his waist when-...the man with the sodas went past-

They had buried him in the sand.

Ray shook his head. “Just had a weird day, s’all.” He shrugged and hoped for Jan to take the bait.

She pursed her lips, considering it. “Did I miss your call or did you just show up here instead?”

Ray smiled and Jan grinned back. From there, they sunk into conversations of their first days and swapped fun anecdotes about their teachers or classmates. Though Ray didn’t dare open his mouth about anything to do with Stebbins.

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bitter and disgusting taste of Tuesday morning was sitting uncomfortably at the back of Ray's throat as he trotted down his steps. He took a long sip of the coffee his mother had made for him to wash the unwanted taste down. He jetted down the pavement and began his long walk to school. Sore feet be damned, he’d rather walk than be driven by his mother everyday.

Jan, bless her sweet heart, had received a car for her big sixteenth birthday. He’d been quite jealous for a bit after that before he realized just how much he liked being a passenger. He could freely doze off with the company of the fuzzy scenery behind the glass without doing any of the work. It was nice. And it wasn’t as if he desperately needed one in the small-town where everything he needed was basically walking distance.

The end of summer was bleeding into a cool autumn. Colors were beginning to darken and the skies would soon be gray. But for now, they were trapped in the between stages. The air was attempting to stick onto the last bit of heat there was, leaving it syrupy with little pockets of chill breaking through. Uncomfortable was the best way to describe it really.

Ray trudged his way through the syrup and let it smother his memory of his Pancake breakfast with Stebbins.

But as luck would have it, when Ray was pretty close to school, Stebbins came around from a block over. He was slightly hunched over which seemed to just be his natural position. It made Ray wonder what kind of mother the dude might have, didn’t she ever advise him to ‘Sit up straight or you’ll never get a date...’? Which was the funny little rhyme his own mother had sing-songed to him when he was young.

The blonde drifted closer and It was then that Ray got a good look at what the guy was wearing. An old tie-dyed shirt from some summer camp he must’ve gone too (He didn’t look the type but Ray stared momentarily at the disastrous handwriting those kids had signed their names with on the fabric) . And a purple jacket sat nicely on his shoulders. “I can see you dressed up.”

The lesser of two evils, he decided, was just to keep conversation with the guy. Stebbins cocked his head to the side and looked down at his own outfit. “It’s not mine.” He shrugged.

The response wasn’t totally abnormal...but something seemed vaguely threatening and obscure about it. Ray took another swig of cold coffee and nodded slowly. “Cool.”

With that, he turned on his heels and started on the last bit of the way to their school. Stebbins looked ahead for a few seconds before he started trailing after him. “You got anymore of those peanut M&M’s in your locker, Raymond?” He asked behind some odd suckling sounds.

Ray turned to discover that under the bright morning sun and just a few feet from the school, Stebbins was sucking on his sleeve like a child. What else did his mom neglect to teach him? “Sure I do, but if you’re gonna be hanging around me can you please do so without that...” He pointed to the sleeve between the guy’s teeth. “I don’t wanna listen to the sound of your spit.” Ray shrugged and climbed up the steps of the school building.

Stebbins slid the purple fabric out of his mouth and happily followed behind him. “By the way, don’t you have a car? Why are you walking?” Ray quirked a brow and spoke even though he wasn’t too sure Stebbins was even still behind him.  

“I do. But the car I’ve been using was my mom’s. Mine’s been in the shop...not for much longer though. You’ll know it when you see it.” Stebbin’s giggled which was oddly chilled. Ray rolled his eyes but continued on until he could clear the path to his locker and shove a handful of his snack into the blonde’s open palms.

Stebbin’s water-falled them into his wide mouth and tilted his chin back down for a departing grin. “See ya in gym, Ray.”

Again, with the wind, Stebbins was off into the crowd of classmates. Ray stared after him for a few seconds before throwing back his own handful and getting ready for first period.

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another uneventful day was mostly over for Ray apart from this gym class that had him a bit worried. Just as he assumed, Stebbins approached the doors in a record time to match his own.

“Don’t worry, I can catch you up on what you missed yesterday-”

“I doubt it was anything important.” Ray rolled his eyes again, knowing the first week of the class was spent doing mostly nothing but sitting on the bleachers and waiting for uniforms and locks.

Stebbins tilted his chin up and hiked his bag further up his back as they strolled across the shiny floor. He caught Ray’s endearingly absent expression as he made his way over with him. However his admiration of such was interrupted when he slowly passed the last lonesome looking bench of the bleachers and got a good kick around his hip. He whipped his head around without making a sound of shock and saw the outstretched shoe of some classmate who was asleep.

He came closer to take a look only to have the guy jump up from where his ass was planted in-between the first and second benches, Stebbins wasn’t at all scared but he did step back to make room and knocked right into poor, currently absent-minded & oblivious Ray. They both tumbled straight for the hard gym floor underneath them.

That was until the man shot up and used his shockingly amazing and convenient reflex skills to grab for one of their arms.

And it worked. Mostly…

Stebbins popped right back up so Ray took the fall for the both of them. Stebbins grinded his teeth together in horror as Ray hit the ground. And the man tightened his grip around his forearm on reflex.

“Hey Kid!…You ok?” Peter McVries’s voice was familiar for Stebbins and it carried over his shoulder to Ray specifically. Stebbins shook from his grip and pulled Ray up who was pretty bouncy for someone who just fell right onto the floor in-front of his new class.

“I’m good, thanks.” Ray shrugged and grinned at him to let him know he didn’t need to worry, not that that would stop him. He then sharply took in all that was the guy from the parking lot once again...McVries as Stebbins called him over breakfast food yesterday.

McVries looked Ray up and down and shifted his weight from one foot to another. “What’s a fine looking guy like you doin’ hanging around him?” The man asked as he tilted his chin towards Stebbins. Though it seemed to be in playful gesture. Ray found himself a little flustered as he tried to collect himself. 

“-I have a name. It’s Stebbins, if your small-mind can recall? And I’m right here. Thanks.” The blonde narrowed his eyes but didn’t look too irritated though there was something there that Ray couldn’t dissect. 

“That’s a hell of a way to say thanks for saving you from tasting the dirty gym floor.” McVries halfheartedly scowled as he fiddled his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“Yeah, my hero. It was just my friend here who got the taste of the bottoms of our sneakers, huh? You also caused the accident if you remember correctly.” He said smartly, tilting his head and smirking.

McVries spared a quick look over to the guy but drifted his eye-line right back to Ray, without any hesitation. It was oddly personal for a first meeting. But Ray kinda figured that the man might just be a personal kinda guy. Lopsided and slanty described his stature and his grin. Grin-not smile. No, what McVries gave away could only be described as a grin. “What’s your name?” 

Ray felt a tad bit heated under his gaze and briefly remembered a time at which he was 14 years old and demanding for more freedom in the home. It was subconscious second nature for him to be a brat at that tender age. His mother was practically mortified or maybe appalled at his behavior. ‘Remember your name before you act like that. You’re putting that behavior onto this family-’

“Garraty.” He spoke without thinking much. “-Ray. Ray Garraty.” He quickly added while feeling a little sick to his stomach. 

“Peter McVries.” He stuck out his hand, Ray looked down at the shadow it casted before taking it into his shaking grip. 

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray was fiddling with the new gym lock on the Thursday of the much colder week. Fingers pressed into the metal and swirled the dial around. 

Since last Tuesday, Stebbins had kept some distance which Ray thought he would enjoy. But alas, the dude seemed to trigger some deep interest inside him that he didn’t know existed. He quirked a brow and spun that funky dial again. It was nothing weird-just....Stebbins was quite a show. And school was sort of boring without him traipsing around behind his back and sneaking around. 

“Hey stranger.” 

Ray turned and found one Art Baker. He’d found a friend in the guy the other day when he let him borrow his gym shoes. They happened to be the same size and there was no way he’d make a habit of sitting out...that was too dangerous a power for Ray to obtain again. Sophomore year...well, he’d almost never participated. 

Ol’ Art, one of two people to share this area of the locker room with Ray, had no problem with that at all. He simply offered up his own grass-stained shoes with a slightly freckled smile. 

“-Stand on you tip-toes, punch me in the dick and maybe I’ll feel something then!” The wicked laughter of his other locker hall neighbor came from near the entrance of the room. Peter McVries came from around the corner and stopped just short of Ray’s open locker. He’d be an idiot to think so but it seemed as if he hadn’t been expecting his prompt classmate to be there yet. 

“What are you yellin’ about?” Art shoved his left foot into his shoe and rested his palms on his knees. 

McVries shook his head and curled his hand over Ray’s locker door, turning a smile in his direction. “Barko-Bitch over there-” He paused to tip his chin over his left shoulder. His voice was loud enough to carry the lame-ass insult over a few rows of lockers. Ray chuckled. “Thinks he can put up a fight and I was just tellin’ him that he could barely reach my-” 

Pete paused, eyes shifting a little in Ray’s direction again, before he gestured to his crotch...area. Art burst into loud laughter...boy’s laughter as Jan called it. It was always loud and more rambunctious than the situation earned. But Ray liked it....a lot. Boy’s laughter...was just more pleasing to the ear, they always meant it 100%. Jan just giggled. 

“The dude’s...” Pete bumped Ray’s arm and waved his hand just below his waist with a large smile. “Short.” 

“I gathered.” He bumped back and slid his shirt from his locker. 

Art and Pete’s talk dissolved into the background of Ray’s focus as he realized that today he’d have to fully change in front of his only two locker-hall buddies which he’d been purposely avoiding by coming early. 

He peeked behind him and swallowed. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t changed in front of dudes before, several years of previous gym classes proved such. But there were always more people and loud distracting conversations. Something about it just being the three of them....wigged him out. 

So he quickly shoved his body into the gym uniform and slammed his locker-shut, turning to lean back on it. He intended to wait for his two sorta friends out of sheer politeness. What he didn’t count on (Because he could really be an idiot sometimes) was the fact that they’d be changing too. 

Art was mostly done, all that Ray caught was the last slip of the skin on his waist while the red shorts climbed high enough to rest. But Pete...

Well, the man was standing there in his underwear maintaining a hardy round of boys laughter with Art....pants around his ankles. He slowly lifted one leg to pull his foot free from the cuff but paused to enhance his reply to Art with a wild hand-gesture. ‘They took off their clothes...’

Ray swallowed and ignored the familiar yet odd feeling of a twitch-‘They had buried him in the sand...’

He heaved his eyes away and broke for the gym-door at the other end of the hall. He didn’t much care if the abrupt exit was noticed because all that was getting to class. Nothing else. 

As it turned out, Gym provided him with an excellent distraction. The whole class was trudging it’s way outside almost as soon as attendance was over. 

“The weather today is like...did you ever see the movie where that babysitter girl is getting stalked by that dude....?” Stebbins started his first conversation with Ray in some days as the class marched the lawn towards the track. The bitter chill had warmed slightly but that was about all he could say about it. 

“Can you be more specific? There’s more movies like that than you may think.” Ray laughed, shaking his head. 

“I know that. I’m thinking.” Stebbins rolled his eyes. “He’s got the white mask and he falls out the window at the end?” He poked Ray’s arm. 

Ray paused when the class took the field and crossed his arms, taking a long deep breath of that crisp Fall air. “’Halloween’. Are you trying to say it looks like the movie ‘Halloween’ outside? Cause you could just say it’s starting to really feel like fall out-or you know, something else normal like that?” 

Stebbins rolled his eyes. “I wanted to be specific-” 

“And relate it to a movie where a dude stalks and tries to murder someone?” Ray chuckled and moved to look at their teacher. Stebbins smiled but fell silent after that, sticking to Ray’s left. 

The Mile Run. That’s what today was all about. 

Ray frowned and looked around him at some of their classmates groaning. Though a few of them started stretching as if they took it seriously. He scoffed and fell into a strut with his little buddy (apparently). “I can’t imagine you running-”

“Do you imagine me often, Ray?” Stebbins smirked and was only rewarded with a hard stomp onto his foot. “Ow! Shit.” He hopped after him but before he could catch up again, one Peter McVries approached Ray with the brightest of smiles and slid into a stride matching his. 

Stebbins scowled lightly but took a new position. 

When the coach blew the whistle, Ray did not break out into a gentle and comfortable beginning speed like he might’ve when he used to do track. He shivered thinking about that damn sport. This time he just put one foot in front of the other and mindlessly strolled while hoping the chilly four laps would just be a nice way to end the school day. 

A few other people were walking along just the same including Stebbins who was just a ways behind them, slacked forward with hands deep into his pockets per usual. Ray was so busy looking behind himself at the blonde that he tripped on his own feet and stumbled just the slightest. 

McVries seemed to be the only one to notice because he threw a special smile. “You better be careful, Ray. If you fall, I won’t pick you up. I’m really committed to winning...” He slapped his palm against his chest to convey genuine meaning to his statement and then gestured to the large open space between the two of them and the majority of the class that was actually running.

Ray grinned. “I’m truly threatened, McVries.” He chuckled. 

Pete felt his stomach tighten at the sound and shook his head. “You’d better be, boy.” He nudged Ray’s arm gently and started on a little faster. “People ain’t always gonna be so nice to you about their agendas as I am.” The dark haired boy was now walking backwards and turning Ray’s mind upside down.

“What are you on about?” Ray narrowed his eyes and followed him with confusion and something close to puppy-like curiousness. 

“People live and learn but you're still learning, Ray. Your peers just might try and crush you without so much as a warning. Now me? I have the decency to say this...-” Pete stopped in place and Ray nearly bumped into his chest. 

Astoundingly close to his sort-of friend and nervous as ever, Ray swallowed. 

“I’m gonna leave you in my dust, Garraty. This mile is all mine.” Pete broke into a mad little chuckle and turned off, jogging up to Art Baker and starting conversation with him. Ray stayed still in his spot, eyebrow raised and ready to just keep walking on alone in confusion. However, instead he found himself taking off with built up track speed to pass the two of his friends. 

The rambunctious Boy’s laughter couldn’t help but slip past his lips when he heard the thundering slap’s of Pete’s sneakers approach his back. 

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I'm tired, Ray.” Pete’s voice was husky and very close to Ray’s ear which he strangely didn’t mind. They’d both slowed all the way back to a peaceful walking pace very shortly after their racing burst. Remaining at each other’s side. 

“It’s your own damn fault for starting a race-” The man paused when he glanced behind him and saw that his friend had stopped in the middle of the track. Some of their classmates passing him. “What are you doing-?”

“I’m gonna take a little rest. Sit down a little, you go on without me.” Pete was being mighty dramatic and laughing as he did so. His hand waved out in front of his body. “I think you can win this thing, Ray. Win it for the both of us?” McVries stepped a bit closer before squatting and hitting his ass to the ground. 

Ray strolled on over with a smile. “We’re both a lap behind everyone but Stebbins...-” He broke to observe his odd friend “Who’s pace is remarkably and unnervingly slow.” 

Ray had that simple and carefree grin on his face which he sported so casually. It was no wonder all of Pete’s attention was right back onto the young man. He kicked his shoe and dipped his chin down like he was being shy before running his tongue across his lips. ‘It almost played off as if it were a move?’ Pete tried to think against but Ray’s moistened lips parted just slightly and the fall afternoon breeze ricocheted throughout his body which just had to make him tilt his chin to the sky. The smooth skin of his neck now exposed to the suggestive heat- 

“Get up, you lazy asshole.” Was all Ray said before turning away and starting his long walk again. He pulled back sharply and quickly from that slow moment with a refreshing amount of pleasure.

It nearly gave Pete whiplash as he was sent reeling. He let go of some of his heaviest breaths and stared up at the crisp sky for a few minutes, willing himself to look away from Ray’s retreating back as he fell deeply in love with him. No exaggeration. He never exaggerated!- A dopey smile took over his face when he heaved himself up and went after him. 

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{November} 

The sun bounced flattering light over the glittering peach roof of the car which was seating Jan as she hung her legs over the front, brushing them against the grill. Stubbornly but patiently she waited. She threw open her book and clicked her tongue. The glossy pages easily flipped and flung from her fingers. She smacked a page down, gliding a finger down the spine and landing it happily on top of the black and white fuzzy photo of herself & Ray which was her favorite bookmark. She smiled to herself and snapped the book closed, laying it over her lap. 

She only picked his head up when he heard the slapping of shoes on the sidewalk in front of the school and sure enough, Ray was bopping down the pavement. He was twirling his house keys on his finger and clutching his books in the other. “Saturday night I'd like to make my girl but right now I can't make ends meet...-” Ray mumbled quietly in his sing song voice. He caught sight of Jan’s annoyed eyes and flashed her a bright grin, slowing the twirling keys to a stop.

“You’re ten minutes late.” She reminded him with a twitch of her nose. Ray gritted his teeth and back-handed his own pocket while he attempted to shove his hand inside. 

“How mad are they-?” He tipped his chin towards the home in-which her kind parents were probably stewing over early-dinner.

“My parents?” She repeated in a mocking tone and hopped off her vehicle. “Mildly inconvenienced at best.” She finished with a gentle smile and crossed her arms. “But this is the sixth time Ray. What’s going on?” 

Ray sniffled in the cold and shrugged his shoulders, re-positioning his heavy green plaid coat. It was freezing these days. Jan puffed her cheeks with a passive aggressive and shook her head. “Soup might be cold but you can fill up on the sides-” She gestured for him to start on inside.  

“I was with Art Baker, he’s a classmate. We just lost track of time-”

Jan put on that hurtful smile again and Ray was 100% certain she thought it was passing for genuine joy. “This isn’t a confessional, Ray. This is my front lawn. We took our homecoming pictures here, remember? If you’re still interested in the idea that you have to confess this event to me like I’m accusing you of something, maybe you can unload it to our sad-sack Santa blow-mold. He’s in charge of that ol’ list, ain’t he?” She clicked her tongue and slapped the head of the decoration gently before strolling past him and entering her home. 

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Can you stop screaming so I can give you the directions?” Pete mumbled miserably in the passengers seat of his Mother’s car. He was trying desperately to sink into the material of the seat and ignore the horrid expression on her face. It helped to rub his palm harder into his eyes, it earned him the fuzzy kind of vision that usually only got when he was drunk. The different kind of streetlights bled together and he could almost pretend he was in any other situation.

“I’m not screaming. Trust me, you’d know the difference if I was-”

His mother paused just time to catch Pete mouthing those words along with her in a mocking gesture.

She did one of those half-chuckles of disappointment and tightened his hands on the steering wheel. Pete wanted nothing more than to escape the scene entirely. It wasn’t fun to admit but he was highly embarrassed and angry with himself just the same as he was pissed at him. He shuffled in his chair and lifted his legs to tuck them under his body. His knees hit the door with a loud thump which sounded eerily close to an angry reaction and maybe it was. For a few painful seconds, it made the air even more awkward.

Pete did not often fight with either of his parents. Their little family actually got on quite well. Sure, they had their moments here and there but for most of his young life, he’d known nothing but love from them. He took no pleasure in participating in such a trivial fight but he was a little pissed.

“Don’t make this into a fit, Peter.”

“I’m seventeen, Mom.” He spit. “I’m not having a fucking fit.” He dug into the bag at his feet and pulled it onto his lap. Logically, he could get out of the car so much faster if he could gather all of his crap ahead of the parking lot cruise.

“You sure about that? Because to me, it looks as if my seventeen year old is pouting in my car-”

Pete leaned over and turned the radio back to F.M. to avoid conversation even further and block out whatever she was gonna say next.

The car rolled to a complete stop at the next red-light. Pete’s head thumped softly against the headrest, nails dragging painfully hard into his lip.

“Pete, sweetheart. I work, is all. This is a huge waste of my time-” She glanced at her son. Her face softened slightly and she sighed. 

“Eyes on the road, mom. If we get into a car accident, that’d be on your head.” Pete pursed his lips and frowned as he curled his body forward. “What would your co-workers think, huh?” He put on a scandalized voice and felt a little sick to his stomach when she gripped the wheel harder.

It was a shit thing to say but it had also been a shit thing to hear. Part of him knew very well that his mother was only trying to protect him from shit but it still burned when her first concern to the situation of him staying out late with a boy seemed to be the thoughts of her co-workers. 

And ok so, the boy might’ve been her boss's son and they may have engaged in a...make-out session in the back of his car in a store parking-lot. And he also may have left his head-lights on for the entire 3-hours they were in there and his car proceeded to die. 

But it still hurt a little to come out that way and to have a punishment overshadow any kind of reaction. 

“I want you out of my car right now.” She mumbled mostly to herself but he couldn’t help but notice they’d slowly turned onto a quiet side-street. There weren’t many passing vehicles and an open sidewalk wasn’t far from his view.

“Fine.” he reached out and grabbed the passenger door handle and cracked it back, sending the thing flying outwards. He attempted to unbuckle but there wasn’t much more he could do to escape after his mother swung her arm over his body and reached for the door handle.

The car swerved but luckily the road was completely empty. The tires skidded, wind blew heavily and for a moment Pete thought he might actually fall out. But the car door banged closed next to him and made him jump as he recovered from sensory overload.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” His mother screamed as soon as he centered the car and pulled into the video store parking lot.

Peter McVries really hated himself in that moment and felt his eyes water. “I didn’t want things to happen this way...” He frowned and watched his dear mom soften again as she pulled into an empty spot. 

She shifted the car into park and rubbed her palm into her forehead. “Me neither, Peter.” She spared him a glance and gently reached out to pat his knee. “We can discuss this further at home. I love you and have a good day at work.” 

McVries nodded and slowly crept out of the vehicle, hoping he wasn’t edging it too close to late. He pushed the heavy doors and slid the red visor onto his head. The neon lights buzzed as he steadied his hands and regained his way of walking with purpose. He held firmly onto that argument though. There was no way that was leaving his mind anytime soon.

Hank Olson was standing at the counter and carefully stacking a useless tower of DVD cases, tongue edging out the corner of his grin. 

“Oooh, look at you.” Pete couldn’t help but chuckle and playfully clap as he passed the scene even though Hank was clearly trying to avoid distraction. “Good job.” He whistled when the man leveled the tower higher with a copy of ‘E.T.’

Hank peeked around the DVD’s and rolled his eyes. “You have a box of discs to clean-”

Pete frowned but observed the empty box at the foot of Hank’s counter and took a longer look at DVD mountain, giggling. “Is that them?” He slung his thumb out to point. 

Hank nodded. “Yup.” And with agile swiftness, he pushed his palm forward and knocked all the DVD’s down. Some of them landed in the box as they were supposed to but others thumped against the old green carpet. 

“Oh, you give me hell, Olson.” McVries shook his head, casually kicked some discs off his feet and bent down to gather the loose ones. He tossed them in the box and hiked it up to rest on his hip while he walked into the back room.

Most of his work day these days consisted of wiping down discs with a little spray bottle of cleaner one by one. Then he stocked the shelves and repeated the process. He truly didn’t mind the busy-work because it was low-effort and he got the back-room to himself for a good chunk of the day. Olson or Abraham usually operated the main desk and dealt with customers more often. So Pete couldn’t complain except to express that his own wasted potential was starting to unnerve him. 

He was dragging the blue cloth down a scratchy copy of ‘The Big Chill’ when Hank swung around the doorway with a wide grin. “Stebbins and that funny dude you always talk about are here. Thought you might wanna say a quick hello.” He smirked. Pete flung the DVD back into his box and happily shoved past his co-worker. He stopped right behind the main desk and...

Sure enough, in the stuffy old building stood his funky blonde friend and one Ray Garraty. They were browsing the selection of ‘classics’ and bickering softly as they walked. 

McVries raised his arms in mock defeat and smirked with genuine joy. “I don’t have the strength for this guy today. Nope. Olson, you take care of him.” he playfully shook his head and turned away to call-out to Hank, who sauntered over to him with an annoyed face. It seemed that he didn’t care for Pete’s little ‘play’. 

Ray looked up and caught Pete’s eye when he shouted and only returned the boyish smirk. He handed two films over to Stebbins and slowly glided past McVries, bumping his side, and trying not to chuckle. 

As Hank rung up the guys choice of two movies, Pete and Ray seemed to communicate over his shoulders. He could tell by the way Ray lazily shot up the finger with a glowing smile. Hank shared an annoyed look with Stebbins. He also seemed to hate witnessing this interaction. 

“Dirty Dancing, Ray?” Pete giggled and waved one of the DVD’s around before Hank could hand it over to his customer. 

Garraty rolled his eyes. “Movie night with my girlfriend, Pete.” He ripped the movie out of his friends hand and smirked. 

“Oh I’m not knocking it, Ray-darling. You’re mistaken. I love Dirty Dancing.” McVries shoved Hank a little as he laid his forearms on the counter to lean in closer. 

His friend was about to open his mouth again when Stebbins stole the moment from the clueless pair by smacking the DVD out of Ray’s palm and catching it in the air. “I’m leaving with both movies if you’re planning on staying to finish this conversation, Ray.” He smirked and walked out of the building. 

Ray sighed, crossing his arms. “See ya at school tomorrow, Pete.” He glanced back at the dark haired man and gifted him one of those magical grins. 

When he walked out of his little store, McVries slid his arms further down the counter and sighed, a sound of joyful music. “Isn’t he somethin’?” 

Hank rolled his eyes and smacked the back of Pete’s head as he fled the room. 

                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray was curled up on the bleachers of the school, picking apart an orange and trying to keep the torn up peel pieces curled up in his spare hand. It was too windy to put them down anywhere.

He wouldn’t usually spend a Saturday on school grounds but the special exception today was the dread of hanging with Jan. He bit into the orange and juice slid down in tiny drops down the side of his chin. Catching it with his tongue proved useless so he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

“Hey, Ray.”

Ray looked up, the orange juice dripped down his chin and his cheeks turned slightly rosy. Without thinking too much, he sucked the liquid off his finger as he stood and walked over to the edge of the row he’d been sitting on. McVries was standing in the grass, arms resting on the slanted railing of the bleachers and his admiring face was completely missed on Ray. He glanced up and accidentally made a tiny popping sound as he slid his pointer finger from his mouth.

“That’s real cute.” McVries rolled his eyes like he was disgusted and Ray leaned on the railing from the other side, a beautiful smile on his face. “Y’know, I figured we'd be seeing a lot more of each other.” Pete waved his hand out and let it fall.

Ray rolled his lips together and laughed. “How do you figure that...?” 

“Well, now that you know I have a job...I was thinking you might drop Stebbins as best friend and promote me. You know, because you get to mooch off of me.” He spoke so very casually and with a large grin on his face. 

Ray rolled his eyes. “I’m not so shallow.” 

Pete slowly shifted his body and flung himself over the railing so that he could be next to the guy. “Maybe not BUT I would spoil ya, been told I’m a true nurturer.” He smirked and Ray just had to giggle.

“By who?” He wiped his mouth again, those orange peels still curled up in his fist. 

“Lots of people.” Pete looked fake-offended but nonetheless, swiped the handful of garbage from Ray. He slowly dragged his fingers down the man’s curled palm and felt that wonderful sense of body-heat as the orange peels now pooled in his fist. He tossed them in the can over the other side of the railing and leaned back with an eager smile. 

Somehow, Ray found the strength to pull his hand away with lightening speed. His wrist leaving the odd place of Pete’s upturned and sweaty hand which it had found strange comfort in. Abrupt and startling, it did not go unnoticed by his friend. “You think Stebbins is my best friend?” 

The question sounded a lot like an accusation that Pete hadn’t expected. So he just let the confusion roll off his shoulders in a shrug. “Is he not?”

Ray looked off in thought and retraced his steps since the first day of the school year. Imagery did suggest such sweet invested time with the blonde weirdo who preferred to add trail mix to his popcorn on movie nights and once dawned a pearl necklace with his pajamas. Ray rolled his eyes at that silly memory. But Stebbins had also tried to take him on a date once...

Ray bit his lip and pulled at his thinning jacket. “We’re not that close or anything.”  ‘They had buried him in-...’ He scratched at his forearm which felt as if it were clotting up with wads of wet sand, breaking through skin. 

Pete shrugged again and adjusted the bag on his shoulder. He looked ready to part ways. 

“If anything, I’m the closest to Jan.” Ray suddenly burst and watched as Pete jumped a little. “She’s my girlfriend.” He nodded his head and attempted to play it cool but judging by Pete’s face...it came off odd. 

McVries paused momentarily and scratched under his chin. “Oh? I didn’t know you had a girl, Garraty my boy.” He chuckled though it seemed rather clouded with a husk in his tone. He jumped down some of the bleacher steps and looked off towards the field. “She pretty?” 

Ray opened his mouth and shut it a few times. “Yeah-yes, she is.” He chuckled and followed after his friend.

“Lucky you. You should tell me about her sometime...” Pete nodded and slowly started backing away once his feet hit the ground. “Anyway, I should go-”

Ray was suddenly very aware of the fact that he didn’t want Pete to leave. “I think she might be breaking up with me though.”

McVries stumbled a little and quirked a brow. “Oh-?”

“Because I’m pretty shitty at relationships, according to her.” Ray added. Pete’s face paled a little bit as he tried to gather something to say but before he could open his mouth- “I don’t make time for her and I don’t satisfy her in bed...-” He trailed off, red in the face because how in the hell did this just start coming out of his mouth? 

Pete choked on his spit

“I was late to a dinner with her parents the other night.” Ray figured he might as well go on. “But I make great small-talk so she gave me a pass, right? But then she wanted to fool around, y’know?-In her room. But see-...she’s got this little window in there with a light-up Santa face.” Ray shook his head with something like disgust. “I told her I couldn’t do anything with his face staring at us.”

“SO, she moved it and tried to get back into it. But I could tell she was mad so I lost the spirit and-...” Ray read the utter shock on Pete’s face and finally felt he could laugh at the situation which had been causing him intense stress lately. 

It finally made it funny. He didn’t know if that was good or bad. But he started to giggle. “I slept on her bedroom floor and the Santa head was curled up to my left, unplugged and all...sad....” He started to lean over the railing as he collapsed with laughter. Pete looked almost disturbed at his out-burst, not that Ray could see now.

“Oh, it’s so....it’s...-oh it really isn’t funny, sorry.” Ray stood up straight again and tried to collect himself. He held in the rest of his laughter and wiped the bit of tears in his eyes. There was a moment where neither of them spoke and Ray felt that was probably due to the painfully odd outburst he’d just had in-front of someone he didn’t know all that well.

“Could’ve had me fooled there for a second.” McVries said as he finally climbed back up the steps and planted his feat next to Luke’s on the bleachers. A cool breeze blew past them while he got a good honest look at the man. ‘Yeah, it really wasn’t funny, not a bit to Ray’. Pete wasn’t all that sure what to do so he sighed slowly and shoved a hand in his pocket while the other gently directed Ray to sit down. “So, we’re not laughing about it anymore...how are we feeling now?”

Ray curled up on the bench and shrugged. “I like Christmas a lot less now.” 

“How much do you like this Jan girl?” Pete ignored the dumb joke and found a sincere question that Ray didn’t really want to answer. 

“A lot.” It was true. He did love Jan. 

Pete’s gentle smile twitched a little but he quickly pushed it away. “Then...talk to her and get back on her nice list, huh?” He pushed their arms together and Ray giggled a sweet gentle sound which made his heart skip lightly. 

                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{December}

The jolly fat man had around a good three weeks before he had to slide down every family’s chimney. But his decapitated head was still laying all slanted against the wall and on Jan’s bedroom carpet. 

The long cord trailed after it miserably and Ray poked at the prongs with disinterest and a lack of entertainment. Jan was on her bed, faced with piles of homework she wanted to get done as quickly as possible. But it seemed to Ray that she was subconsciously stalling by inviting him over for the day. 

Slowly, he rose from her floor and opened her window. As soon as he got the thing all the way open, he laid his forearms across the ledge and sighed. Sucking in his breath and attempting to relax. The record Jan had picked out was fuzzing as Ray leaned his head back and let the frozen air pass his lips in rings. It was the Beatles...he thought maybe it was a greatest hits ditty. Ray always pegged his girl as a ‘Please Please Me.’ kinda chick. ‘Yeah, if Jan were to be any Beatles album, that’d be her alright’. 

The warm sunlight was bouncing off the crevices of Jan’s lounge pillows and Ray leaned farther out so it could dust across his cheeks. He was mouthing his inner thoughts slowly and drawing out the words carefully. The moment was unspoiled and sweet, the wind was blowing in few small bursts that curled his baby hairs to his temple. 

His curled knee brushed against Santa so he wrapped his hand around the edges of small light-bulbs and waved it in the air. “You want me to hang this back up?”

Jan picked up her chin where wispy baby-hairs sat plastered to skin from what Ray guessed to be stress-sweat. Her hum was light and breathy but provided no stable answer until she managed to actually shove away her work pile over and crawl closer to the side of her bed. “Nah. Just leave him there.” 

Something about that answer unsettled Ray. But he left the decoration on the floor all the same and slowly took a place next to her on the fluffy pink blanket. Jan laid across the length on her belly and blinked up at him with a sense of nostalgia and meek appreciation. It carried her into the next position; sitting up with her folded legs sorta opening a little to support Ray as she shifted closer.  

“Are you bored with this relationship?” She asked, eyebrow raised but no clear aggression in the tone. But Ray still felt like it was some sort of trap so he shook his head. 

“No.”

Jan licked her lips and leaned all her body weight on her flattened palm behind her with a sigh. “I wanna have a Christmas party, over break-” She made gentle eye contact and smiled. “Small. And with our friends.”

Ray stopped himself from rolling his eyes at the use of the words ‘our friends’. 

“You could invite some people from school, if you’d like. You must have made some new friends since I left.” She giggled which threw him for a loop because that would almost make the party worth it. 

“Sounds fun.” 

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{December, three days before Winter Break}

Ray leaned against the stage in the gym and watched Stebbins and McVries chase each other around with a basketball which neither of them seemed to realize was for shooting into the basket. Instead, they were dribbling it illegally and chucking it at their heads. 

It was probably the most active Ray had even witnessed Stebbins being. But he seemed strangely satisfied whenever he could shove McVries a little lately. 

Pete, was happily skipping and galloping away on his fit looking legs that Ray couldn’t help but observe when they were only covered by loose gym shorts. 

The red shorts were paired with a thick looking green sweater instead of the usual school shirt. There was an old & peeling iron-on patch of Frank Sinatra, which Ray recognized by the name above his head. The piece of clothing looked as if it were just lifted from a Grandmother’s closest. 

“What do you guys say? There’s gonna be food and-”

Pete stumbled but caught himself and the basketball that Stebbins pitched his way but slid across the gym floor on his knees anyway. “You know, I’d do anything for you, Ray-Baby, but I got a date on that Friday.” 

Pete hauled himself up and dribbled to himself as Stebbins paused and looked his friend over. 

“I’ll go-” Stebbins started only to get cut off by Ray approaching Pete and stealing the ball. 

“Date? What unlucky girl said yes to you?” He chuckled but his throat felt mighty tight for some odd reason. 

Pete smiled and stole the ball back, bouncing it around with no real goal other than to just keep it away from his friend. He was silent for a couple minutes which left Stebbins time to burn dangerous holes into the back of his head with annoyed eyes. “Eric is borrowing his pop’s car and we’re gonna cruise or something.”

Ray froze in his place. “A guy?” 

This question didn’t seem to bother Pete in the slightest, he just kept on playing and even started shooting towards the basket. “He’s the son of my mom’s boss. Which didn’t go over to well with her but we talked. She’s cool for now.” 

The basketball flew right past Ray’s frozen stare and into Stebbins open hands. The blonde’s expression faded from anger to genuine appreciation. “You’re into that?” He asked, a smile easing onto his face. 

Pete nodded. “Yeah. I don’t eat all my vegetables at dinner, my bedroom’s a mess, some people say I look like my dad and....” Pete paused but not because of hesitation, no. He just wanted to stretch this out as he glanced at Ray. “I’m into that. I’m bi.” 

With that, the teacher blew his whistle, Pete winked and shuffled off towards the locker room doors. Stebbins watched him with a mixture of amusement and interest. 

"Isn't that nice?" He chuckled and tossed the basketball Ray's way only for him to jump away instead of catching. "Am I still invited?" 

Ray watched the ball dribble itself towards the corner of the gym and nodded. "Yeah. See ya at Jan's."

His walk didn't suggest anger but the emotion was so overwhelming that Stebbins had to roll his eyes. 

                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{December, party night} 

Jan had a friend back in the sixth grade, a sweet and kind Irish girl who taught her how to make brownies and how to sneak snacks into the movie theater. Tonight she copied the brownie recipe the best she could from her old memory stacks but with an added touch of crushed candy canes. 

They were laid out atop a decorative Holiday plate that Ray’s mother gifted her last Christmas. She hoped at least one guest might pick and choose from the collection of treats which sat under a shining galaxy of colorful string-lights, in the kitchen where Fiona taught brownie mix and later betrayal. 

Her eyes lingered on the snacks as Ray mindlessly rubbed the tips of his fingers up and down her back and made small-talk with their friends. She could hear how uninterested he really was through the tone of his voice but he just kept on. Ray would probably do anything she asked him to. 

Good Ol’ Ray and Jan. Surely, there was a couple like them in every suburban high school. Living life without a chaperone and getting french fries from the place along the busy street; cause the town’s small enough that there’s no need to be specific. They make all the old folks go ‘look at the handsome couple’ as they share a Vanilla Cone in a car she got as a gift. 

Except it was the turn of the season and the Vanilla Cone was now 1 Hot Chocolate because Ray couldn’t splurge on two with his minimum payment. The radio poured Christmas tunes out but it took all Jan’s strength to get that plain song by The Knack out of her head. 

Ray glanced up at her and smiled, everything around him blurring because it truly had that power over her still. But visions of Santa’s decapitated head in her bedroom danced in her mind to a soundtrack of ‘Good girls don't, Good girls don't, but I do...'

“Can you get me some iced tea?” She blurted to her boyfriend who seemed rather perky about a chance to escape this conversation. 

“Sure thing.” Ray hopped up, patting her arm and took off for the kitchen. 

:

:

:

Stebbins was making toast in Jan’s kitchen when Ray entered and fetched himself an empty glass. He turned with his blonde boy brightness which gave him a false sense of sweetness every-time Ray glanced at him. 

“So, you didn’t make her up after all.” He chuckled, taking a bite from pure burnt to Hell bread. 

Ray chuckled and filled the glass up with tea, getting ready to leave. “Come introduce yourself to my little group, Stebbins.” He was highly aware that this sudden eagerness was mostly just to break away some of the tension he had with Jan’s friends. But he also did want to see if they’d kick the same kick outta this dude that he did. Stebbins had surely grown on him since they’d first met. 

So he dragged his friend over to Jan’s group and handed over the cool drink which she could drink comfortably since the heat was on. 

“Jan, this is Stebbins. Remember I told you about him?” Ray stuck his thumb out behind him to point at the blonde, who was sharing a secret smile with the floor before glancing up and shaking the girl’s hand. 

Their group politely chatted Stebbins up and Ray was very much enjoying it until the front door let in some new guests, including a very familiar man who’d refused his invitation-

“-Charlie Rich. ‘The Most Beautiful Girl’, that was your Grandmothers favorite song, wasn’t it-?” Stebbins had just asked a laughing Jan as Ray excused himself and fled for the door. He had no way of knowing that the look of annoyed jealousy was mirrored in Stebbins just the same as it was in Jan. 

:

:

:

Peter McVries was leaning against the wall in the little room just past the front door, where all the shoes were lined up. There was another beautiful row of string-lights above his head that glittered all sorts of colors over his skin like freckles. 

Ray strolled over, trying not to let the eagerness slip so obviously onto his expression. “Look what the cat dragged in-” Pete smiled adoringly at that comment and looked off. “What happened to...Eric?” 

Pete swallowed and rubbed a curled finger under his chin. “He got...-” He looked back and sighed. “Eh, no use in stretching the truth, huh? Eric was a real drab and I was missin’ my friends. Wondered how the party was.” He shrugged like it was that simple but Ray found his heart bounced at the sentence. “Eric was fine for some filler company but you’re my favorite boy in town, Ray-baby.” 

Any of the words Ray was planning on saying were currently sticking in his throat. “Why-...um...why do you say things like that to me?” 

Pete froze, as if he hadn’t been expecting Ray to actually acknowledge that weird thing between them. The moment of panic fled quickly and was replaced with his easy-going smile. “Oh, Ray...” He started, eyes looking large and fragile. “Here you are again.” Was how he finished and with the instant relief of a man just done running 10 miles. Those words just fell from his lips and laid over him like sweet honey. They were nonsense to Ray...he wasn’t sure what that could possibly mean but they meant something. That much could be gathered by the way Pete looked so pained yet sincerely loving. It made Ray heat up a little...

‘They'd buried him in the sand...’ popped back into Ray’s mind. He coughed. “Want to meet Jan?”

Pete shrugged his jacket off and nodded. “Love to.” He dropped the subject so easily, with only a flicker of pain that Ray might have usually missed but due to his hyper-nerves he picked up. It broke something in him. Something that Ray desperately tried to hold together until Santa’s shitty decapitated head scared him off of sex from his girlfriend for the final time. 

“You have a crush on me...” 

Pete paused before turning sharply on his heels and making easy eye contact. “Since we’re blurting this out now...-” Pete chuckled. “More than that Ray, I’m in love with you.”   

Ray would have fainted if he weren’t so damn locked up from nerves. But Pete, looked nothing short of melancholy. His smile was still there but was probably causing a great deal of pain to keep. He shrugged, tongue poking out of the corner of his soft smile. “Yeah. That’s out there now.” there was a giggle and a cough to cover up the hiccup. 

The air grew thick but it didn’t seem to bother him. “Anyway, I don’t expect you to say it back to me, obviously. Hell, it’s idiotic for me to say considering we’ve only known each for a short time.” He broke for strained laughter. “But I feel my shit, Ray. I know that it’s for a fact. You... ” He shrugged again and quickly moved to nudge Ray on the shoulder. Their eyes met and Pete’s were slightly watery and serious.

“I didn’t plan on saying this to you...ever. You know? You’ve got your gal and Jan’s...she’s lucky and a sweet girl from what you’ve said. My feelings for you have no place in your life. But since you said it first...” Pete chuckled.

Ray’s face probably read as horrified...which might not be far from the truth. He thought of Jimmy Owens and the man on the beach that day which felt so long ago. Santa’s dumb face lit up in his head, as if it had been finally plugged back in and hung up against his mind’s window. 

Quietly. Ray took Pete’s wrist and calmly dragged him to the back coat room area of Jan’s home. He closed the door behind them and sighed against the wood. It was breathy and hot, dripping with sweet relief that he wasn’t aware had been burning in his lower stomach for ages. 

“I need to try something...” Ray stepped forward and Pete looked heart-flatteringly shy for probably the first time ever. “I just have to know and...you-...I trust you so...” he paused, looking up with his beautiful eyes. 

“Will you be there for me? Please?” 

Oh how that broke Peter McVries into a million pieces. This boy...well, he was going to be the death of him. This sweet, sweet boy. “Oh honey.” 

Ray blushed a sweet shade of red and tried to look less hysterical. 

“Oh, I don’t give half-a-damn if you decide to forget me tomorrow, Ray-baby. You deserve a kiss from someone who fucking loves you more than anything in this world. I’m gonna give that to you, if you’d like?” Pete licked his lips and tried not crumble when Ray nodded and approached him. “I want you to feel how much you’re loved. I don’t think your girl Jan is doin’ that.” 

Ray didn’t answer but pulled Pete closer and waited. 

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{January, returning from Winter Break}

After the party, Ray didn’t see much of Stebbins, Jan or Pete. They all seemed to keep a careful distance from him but Ray found the space comforting. 

It would break in gym class of course, where Pete & Stebbins would be waiting for him. Ray’s chest thumped at the thought of facing the first boy he’d ever fully ‘made-out’ with in his entire life and he was sure that Pete wouldn’t make this easy on him. 

But Pete acted as normal as ever. If anything, Stebbins was out of sorts. The blonde kept away from the pair and when the time came to go back to change, he darted off before they could question him. 

It wasn’t until this time that Pete reached out and gestured for Ray to sit with him on the bleachers. It hit Ray with a mixture of fear and eagerness. A sharp burn ran down from his stomach to his thighs as he sat down. 

“So...”

“So.” Ray repeated, not wanting to speak first. Pete rolled his eyes fondly when he realized this and immediately took over. 

“Listen Ray. About the party-”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Pete. I-...it was a mistake. I have Jan and I’m not...not into that.” 

The air between them got thick and Pete nodded. “Ray...I didn’t expect you to love or even like me back, ok?” He paused to watch the man nod before continuing. “I don’t want to pry into your personal life, not my style, but you dragged me into this when you made-out with me, Ray-baby.” 

Ray opened his mouth but was not quick enough. 

“It’s a journey of self-punishment, way you’re going with Jan. It’s only hurting yourself and her in the long run. It ain’t me...I accept that, Ray...” Pete’s voice strained at that comment. “But the experimenting won’t stop with me either. You’re guilty for hurting the girl you think you love but you’re not really ashamed either. I’m not the exception, I’m not reason that you went astray....you’re not satisfied because...-” 

“I’m not that way.” Ray interrupted, finding his voice which was now harsh and hurt. 

“It’s not an insult, Ray...I just don’t wanna see ya hurt cause I damn well love you in my stupid little way, ok?” Pete looked away and maybe let out a few loose tears which horrified Ray to think about. “And I-...”

“Just because I told you shit about my relationship on the bleachers that day, does not mean you know anything about me & Jan, asshole.” Ray stood and tried to run off to the locker room but found his feet to be asleep and weak. 

“Ok. Listen, I don’t want to be that asshole, Ray. Trust me. I can’t tell you what you are. You have to figure that out for yourself. I know that. But-...” 

Ray spun around again and glared down at Pete with pure rage. “Really? If you knew that, I don’t think you’d be here telling me that I’m gay just because you got off on our kiss at the party, ok?” Ray screamed and surprised the both of them. 

But Pete, being Pete, just nodded and shrugged. 

“What is with this shit, man? First Stebbins assumed this shit from me and tried to put the moves on me and now you. NO- wait...” Ray broke off into that hysterical bitter laughter from weeks ago; it scared Pete a little. “It really started with damn Jimmy Owens. And then the...fucking hard-on I got from looking at some dude on the beach-HA! Thank God I was buried in fucking SAND! Or else my friends would have seen it in my trunks. Isn’t that pathetic, Pete? They buried me in the sand and saved me from letting my girlfriend know that a dude with sodas turned me on in a way that even she couldn’t; bikini and all!” Ray fell back onto the bleachers, clutching his stomach. 

“Roll out Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days Of Summer, Pete!” He wiped his eyes and finally began to slow on that nervous laughter. “Fuck, I’m confused.” 

Pete felt his stomach twist and his heart drop. He slowly scooted closer and laid his hand over the boy’s shoulder gently. “Ray-”

“You said you wouldn’t care if I wanted to forget about the kissing, at the party. What if that’s what I wanted?” Ray glanced up through glassy eyes. 

“I meant it. I wouldn’t try to stop ya, Ray. I just don’t think our friendship would go on...you know, it’d be very painful for me.” Pete giggled but his friend did not.

Ray and Pete remained utterly silent for a while and thanked anyone that would listen for the miracle of no interruption. They had the gym all to themselves for some odd reason. Pete tried to treasure this short bit of time he had to be close to Ray because soon it would all be over. 

“Fuck. I’m gay.” Ray mumbled miserably into Pete’s shoulder and his friend tried not to burst into happy tears. Instead, McVries gently turned his head and sighed. 

“You sure?”

“I gotta tell, Jan. I-...I don’t want to do that Pete.” He continued to sound like he was on the edge of tears which broke Pete’s heart a little. He too knew this struggle all too well. His own coming out had been a journey of confusion and fright but a happy ending of acceptance indeed. “She won’t be mad, you think?” He chuckled because he was joking but somehow Ray found the dumb hope in the question to make it far too real. 

All Pete wanted to do was comfort the man, make him coffee and tell him everything would be alright. But he couldn’t do that and he shouldn’t. Not only did he already have a problem with coddling Ray but it was not wise to make promises to him that he wasn’t sure would go exactly the way Ray wanted. Pete had faith that this would not be the end of the world for him. But there was no doubt that with a mess like the one they’d made it would put a hard strain within their circle of relationships.

“I’ll be seeing her after school and I don’t want to tell her but I have to...” Ray looked utterly exhausted at the thought. “I’m not a very strong person on my own, Pete.” He looked up and seemed to suggest an idea that was in Pete’s opinion, awful. 

“Bullshit, Ray-baby. You’re strong as Hell.” Pete smiled and gently shook him. “But you do understand that I can't come with you, don’t you?” He tilted his chin down a little and his brow raised as if to counter it.

“I just think you’ll be able to-”

“This is something you have to do on your own.” He spoke softly in hopes Ray would hear him out. The thing Pete quickly learned about Ray in these short months was that when he felt he’d done something wrong, he desperately craved for someone to be on his side. So he wouldn’t be alone in his thinking. The man was an expert in punishing himself whether he was aware of it or not. And there was a comfort he took in having someone to lean on during the strenuous events following a mistake. 

“You think my being there will deflect some of the attention off of you and that I will be able help you better if I was with you.” Pete spoke the reasons for Ray, who opened his mouth to explain just why that was truthful and the right thing to do.

“I’ve intruded on your relationship enough as it is, Ray. I’m sorry but you’ll have to do this one alone.” He grabbed the boy’s hands and gently rubbed the pad of his thumbs over his soft skin. “This ain’t my fight.” 

Ray sighed but seemed to accept this as a fact. “But...You love me?” 

McVries took his hands away and licked his lips. “I’m so in love with you, Ray. But...You’re gonna need some time to figure things out.” He paused. “And I don’t even know that you have actual feelings for me, sadly. Could’ve just been sexual frustration that made you make-out with me and I won’t say that I hated it.” Pete chuckled but gently flicked some hair from Ray’s face. 

Ray frowned, looking very tired and sad. “I always thought Jan and I had...like movie love... or that we were like Jack & Diane, you know? From that song?” 

“And you don’t feel that way anymore?”

“In a way.” He shrugged, suddenly looking very pained. It was a look that Pete knew had been on his face several times when he was knee-deep in the questioning phase. 

“Yeah, it’s movie love. I’ll admit it.” He waved his hand out and Pete opened his mouth but never got a word out. “Just not the kind I thought. I like Jan because I think I’m supposed to.” He half-whispered that to himself and Pete nearly felt like he was intruding.

“I think...” He spoke with an earnestly kind voice. “I really think you should talk to Jan as soon as possible.”

Ray glanced up at him again. His eyes were filled with anger and confusion. “Do I have to?” He rubbed his hand against his forehead.

“If you really feel that way, then yeah.” McVries sighed and slid a little closer again. He softly shoved his shoulder and took more of the space next to Ray who was too busy to really care.

“It was Jimmy.” Ray mumbled, miserably.

“What?”

“Jimmy Owens. My old friend when I was little..we took our clothes off....” Ray shrugged before thinking to explain. “I think maybe...that was my first real clue.” 

Pete nodded with wide eyes and tried not to think too hard about that weird burst of information. 

Raymond Garraty was under his arm now and Peter McVries felt a flicker of hope that one day...very soon...they could be something special together. He was so far gone on this kid that it was unbelievable and maybe he kissed Ray so the guy would feel some real love...but Pete felt a little spark back from Ray. 

Maybe it wasn’t love quite yet but....soon? 

[inneedofsomehope]

Monsta X OT7~ Kitty Cat {1}

Pairing: Hybrid!reader X OT7

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse. If you are vegetarian, there is a notice of eating meat. I’m sorry 

`\(o_o)/`

Words: 2K

A/N: Hi, so I’ve decided on writing a Monsta X fanfic. I really love them and well, haven’t been member of the monbebe’s for very long. So bear with me please.

[Part 2 ]

‘Get out, you stupid mutt!’ your owner screamed at you right before pushing you out of the door, into the cold rain. The rain prickling at your wounds, and your broken body stumbling and falling to the ground. Fat tears streamed over your cheeks as your palms scratched over the cement. ‘Don’t you dare to ever come back!’ You sniffled and stood up straight, ignoring the ache in your body, walking away from the terrible place you had called home for the past years. ‘As if I’d want to come back...’ you muttered to yourself. 

After stumbling down the streets for a while, you entered a small alley. The roof of the buildings on both sides was hanging a bit over, providing you a bit of shelter from the pouring rain. Your teeth were chattering and you tried to keep yourself warm by wrapping your skimpy jacket around yourself, tail keeping the thing in place. As you started to doze off, you could hear a group of people approach. You tried to make yourself as small as possible, to prevent them from seeing you, laying your ears flat against your head and tucking your head between your knees. 

As the group stepped out of the club, they grumbled in irritation. It was pouring and they had to walk a couple of blocks home. Hyungwon, being the only smart one, had brought a water repellent jacket. He smiled and stuck out his tongue. ‘I told you it was going to rain!’ As they walked down the street, towards their apartment, Hyungwon caught a whimper, or so he thought. He walked towards the dark alley, where he thought he heard it and peered through the dark. As he squinted his eyes, trying to see more, he saw something move. 

‘Hey guys, I think there is someone over there,’ he yelled towards the others, starting to approach the place where he saw the moving. ‘It’s probably nothing. A cat or rat or something,’ Kihyun yelled back, wanting to head home as soon as possible. ‘I don’t think it’s an animal...’ Slowly Hyungwon stepped closer, eying the alley suspiciously. 

As he finally made out the silhouette of a person, they lashed out, scratching him and making a run for it. Before you could make it far, you bumped into a strong chest. Strong arms wrapping themselves around your fighting figure, grabbing your wrists so you couldn’t do more damage. In blind panic you tried to bite and scratch everything you could, but the person holding you was way to strong, you were no mach for them. ‘Calm down now, we won’t hurt you,’ the voice of the person behind you was very muscular, making you do the opposite of calming down. ‘Help! Please someone, help me!’ you screeched as loud as you could, trashing around even wilder. 

‘Wonho, you’ve got to help me, she’s slipping out of my grasp.’ Soon a second pair of arms wrapped themselves around you. A sense of warmth and calmness came over you as the other person pinched a certain spot in your neck, making you fall in a soft slumber. 

You were floating on a cloud. Or at least, it felt like it. A soft purr left your mouth as you wrapped yourself deeper in the soft blankets. 

Wait...

Blankets?

‘I think she is a cat hybrid.’ 

‘No shit sherlock!’ 

‘Shh... You’ll wake her up.’ 

‘I think she’s already awake, look at her moving ears and tail.’ 

‘Step back, maybe she’ll lash out again.’ 

A lot of voices surrounded you, making you confused and scared. You could feel your breathing quicken and your heartbeat speed up. You squeezed your eyes shut and wrapped your tail around yourself, trying to shield yourself from all the voices. ‘Guys, I think you are scaring her,’ as the sixth voice entered your hearing, you could also smell a delicious smell. As on cue your stomach started to growl, making you blush a deep shade of red as the guys in the room started to laugh. ‘Get out you dorks so I can feed her,’ the same voice said and you could hear the others leave. As the room went quiet, you slowly lifted your tail and the blankets, revealing the man sitting on the edge of the bed. As you looked over the appearance of the man, you couldn’t help but notice his lean figure, square chin, plump lips and those woodsy brown eyes. Involuntary you blushed and quickly averted your eyes towards the food that he had brought. 

‘I don’t know what kind of food you like, but I brought you some bulgogi (Korean beef dish), some vegetables and rice.’ Your mouth watered as you eyed the tender flesh. It had been a long time since you had eaten a good dish, but you couldn’t help but be hesitant as you slowly reached for the chopsticks. ‘Don’t be shy, it’s all yours,’ the man smiled softly and shoved the tray full of food towards you. As you saw the sincerity in his eyes, you didn't hesitate to shove all the meat in your mouth, almost choking in the process. ‘Hey, woah. Slow down! There is enough food,’ Hyungwon said, a surprised expression on his face, which soon turned into a concerned one, ‘how long has it been since you’ve eaten a proper meal?’ Slowly chewing on your meat, you thought about it. You shook your head and shrugged. ‘I can’t remember.’ Hyungwon closed his eyes and sighed. He had a feeling that you hadn’t had a good home before. He shook his head, making you eye fall on the bondage in his neck. You slowly brought your hand up to it and touched it, ‘This is my fault, isn’t it?’ you said with a small voice, scared of your punishment. ‘Yes, but don’t worry about it. I understand that I approached you too quick,’ Hyungwon saw the panic in your eyes and softly grabbed your hands, squeezing them in a reassuring way. ‘You are not mad? You are not going to punish me?’ 

‘You are safe here... Me nor any of the others will hurt you.’ 

A lump formed itself in your throat. You had never known any kindness in your life and it was so different from what you were used to. ‘I am so sorry for hurting you...’ Hyungwon smiled softly, knowing that you had never meant to hurt him in the first place. You weren’t a vicious creature. 

‘When you are finished eating, I can take you to introduce yourself to the others. I’m Hyungwon, and you?’ 

‘That would be nice. I’m Y/N.’ 

After you had finished the food, you stepped out of the bed, noticing that you weren’t wearing your original clothes, but a t-shirt that was two or three sizes too big and a way too big pair of sweatpants. A red blush covered your neck and cheeks and you bit your lip, ‘who eh... changed me?’ At your flustered state Hyungwon laughed. ‘None of the guys, our next door neighbor is a woman. We asked her, because we didn’t want to invade your personal space.’ You smiled softly and grabbed Hyungwon’s hand as you followed him to, what you supposed, the living room. As you left the room behind, you could hear and feel the loud and busy atmosphere that the other boys left around. You shrunk a bit and hid behind Hyungwon.

‘Guys calm down and let me introduce you to Y/N,’ Hyungwon said and softly pushed you away from behind him. ‘Hi, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you all. I am very sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you so far,’ you said in a quiet voice, bowing with you nose almost touching your knees, ears reaching the ground. Hyungwon reached for your chin and lifted your posture. ‘I already told you not to worry about it. It happens and any of us would be scared too if we were approached by seven unknown men.’ The other six men shook their heads, giving you soft smiles and reassuring nods. Slowly you let your body relax and you smiled warily. 

The first one to come up to you was a very tall, handsome man with a sharp chin and soft features. His wide shoulders and strong figure made him look like a giant teddy bear. He had a small mouth, but very soft and plump looking lips, accompanied by a cute nose and small almond shaped eyes. ‘I am Shownu, the eldest of the group,’ his voice was masculine and you almost didn’t catch what he was saying due to staring to his appearance too much. Once you caught yourself staring, you blushed fifty shades of red and bowed once again. ‘It is a pleasure meeting you Shownu.’ 

After he introduced himself, the other following quickly, making it hard for you to remember all of their names, but you would be gone in a quick while anyway. When they all had introduced themselves and went to sit down to talk some more and hang out, you felt very uncomfortable, not knowing what their boundaries were and what you could and could not do, so after standing a while, you took a seat on the floor, next to the couch. 

‘Why are you sitting on the ground when there is plenty of space on one of the couches or chairs?’ asked Minhyuk, raising an eyebrow. 

‘I didn’t think you are ok with me sitting in the same position as you...’ 

A sour look dawned on the faces of the men, not believing what they just heard. 

‘Of course we are ok with it! You are human too,’ Hyungwon said with a thick voice, ‘What happened to you? If I may ask...’ 

You were very confused by now. You didn’t knew that humans could be nice and you didn’t know how to act on it. So instead of answering the question you stood up quickly, ‘I think it’s time for me to go home... Thank you for your kindness and the food.’ 

‘It didn’t seem like you had a home to begin with.’ Minhyuk his words hit you hard as you had forgotten your situation being with these handsome men. 

‘You can stay with us tonight and tomorrow and search for a good home for you. If we can not find you something, we will take you to the hybrid shelter the day after tomorrow,’ Shownu said, standing up and yawning. ‘Also I think it is time for me to go to bed, as it is half past four. Changkyun, can she sleep in your room. You have the most space and an extra bed.’ 

‘Yes of course she can stay in my room,’ the guy named Changkyun said and smiled friendly in your way. ‘Are you tired? I’ll show you my room and in which bed you can sleep.’ 

Changkyun stood up and beckoned for you to follow him. You quickly obeyed and followed the handsome man to a door at the end of the hallway. ‘This is my room, sorry if it’s a bit messy, but I wasn’t really expecting guests,’ he laughed and opened the door. The strong smell of man and cologne hit your sensitive nose and it took a while for you to get used to it. ‘Is...’ you hesitated, was it appropriate to ask something of someone that had already done so much for you? 

‘What is it?’ 

‘Well.. Is it Ok to open a window?’ you asked shyly, fidgeting with your hands. 

You heard Changkyun’s footsteps approach you and you embraced yourself for the impact of a punch or a hit, but instead a pair of soft fingers lifted your chin, making you look up into Changkyun his soft brown eyes. 

‘I don’t know what you have been through and how your previous owners treated you, but we won’t hurt you and you don’t have to be afraid all the time. It is ok to ask something so normal. You don’t have to tell me or any of the others what you have been through, we won’t push you, but please don’t be scared anymore. You are safe.’

You felt a sting in your heart at his soft words, eyes filling with tears and soft sniffles filling the room. In a matter of seconds a pair of strong warm arms were wrapped around you, making you let go of your hold back tears and cry in the arms of a total stranger, yet feeling so comfortable as you had known him your whole life. 

[mellicose]

That Woman Over There - Chapter 24

A You Me and Him Fix-it Fic

Rating: Teen, for some mature themes

Word count: 3323

Warnings: none

Summary: ~ Set after the birth of Monty, Olivia’s baby ~ A dear friend of Olivia comes to visit for a week, and she disturbs the fragile peace between her, Alex, and John.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7| Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 |

He looked at Connie with adoration.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one passing out after sex?” he whispered in her ear, then kissed her cheek.

“Stereotype,” she muttered, and rolled over to lay her head on his chest. Soon, she was snoring.

He gently inserted her mouthguard, and went down the stairs to the kitchen. He wondered whether he should make them a romantic dinner. He looked in his fridge for something to cook, but there wasn’t much in there. He’d been busy in the last week, and grocery shopping was the furthest thing from his mind.

He poured himself a glass of almond milk and squirted chocolate in it. It was one of his favorite tea time treats. As he savored it, he noticed the light on in Olivia’s kitchen. His sense told him not to bother her. But he couldn’t avoid her like she was the one who had done something wrong. Also, he missed Monty.

He ran across the back yard. He knocked on her door, bracing himself for possible verbal abuse. She wasn’t that type of woman usually, but maybe he deserved it.

She saw him and opened the door. She was silent, but her energy wasn’t negative.

“Hey, John. We're getting our things together. We’re going to gran’s house, aren’t we?” she said to Monty, who whizzed by in his walker.

“JUN!” He yelled, and waved his hands to be picked up.

“You’re going to your ma’s?” he said. He bounced Monty in his arms, and the baby tucked his head into his neck and smacked a kiss there.

“Sweet boy,” he said, and kissed the top of his head. “Have you had foods yet?” he whispered to him. He was a bit low energy.

“I haven’t had time to properly feed him something when he woke from his nap,” Olivia said. She folded clean laundry and put it into a large wheelie suitcase.

“How about some spaghetti?” he said to the baby. “With butter?” Monty didn’t like tomatoes.

The baby pursed up his mouth. “Mmmmm.” He looked exactly like Liv.

“Mmmmm,” he repeated, and nuzzled him. “Yum.”

He confidently went into the cupboards for the pasta and the pot, and put the water on the stove to boil. He carried the baby into the living room and sat down.

“Thanks for feeding Monty,” she said, folding a blouse and shoving it into her overstuffed suitcase.

“Have you eaten today?” he said.

Her mouth was in a straight line, and she was entirely too pale. “Now that I think about it, not really. Just tea and cigarettes.”

“Let me make you something before you go. It doesn’t have to be pasta.” Monty crawled out of his lap and to his toys on the corner.

She gave him a bruised look. He stood up to check on the water, and she threw down the pair of jeans she was folding and put her arms arounds him, hard. He gasped. It was the first time she had ever hugged so hard.

“Livvie,” he said, using the nickname he rarely used. She sniffed into his chest, and her shoulders shook. Even her tears were quiet. He held her closer.

“It’s over, John. She’s gone,” she said.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he said. She pulled away, and patted his chest.

“I’ve cried so much in the last few hours my eyes hurt,” she said. “I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do, though. It’s terrifying.”

“What’s happening at your parent’s?” he said. He went to put the pasta in the boiling water.

“Closure, I think.” She sat down. “I’ll have to bite the bullet since they told me I rushed into things-”

He chuckled. “If 10 months is rushing it, I’m going light speed,” he said. “Anyway, please continue.”

Olivia bit her lip. “She told me I should’ve let her go the first time, when I was pregnant. They offered to let me stay there until I was ready to get back to work, but I refused their help. Then, of course, there was that nosy weirdo coming around to bother me all the time,” she said, and gave him a crooked smile.

“Any old excuse to visit a posh house,” he said.

Monty threw something that made a discordant tinkling sound. He wanted attention. John held out his arms for him, but instead of crawling, he pulled himself up by a large stuffed animal and stood there, staring at him intently.

“Uh-oh. You doing a dirty?” he said, and chuckled. The boy huffed as if insulted he would poop in such an august position.

“Don’t you be posh about it. If you gotta go, you gotta go,” John said.

“Tak,” Monty said indignantly. It was a nonsense word, but it felt a lot like hush. He pooched out his lips and flexed his chubby toes.

“You’ll make sure Alex is okay when she comes back and doesn’t see me?” Olivia said. He sighed. She bit her lip. “She told me what happened today.”

He crossed his legs and remained silent.

“She also told me what you said,” she said, searching his face. “About Monty and I.” He curled into himself. She put her hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t know we meant that much to you.”

“Of course you do,” he said, taking her hand. “You’re like family. I love both of you.” She let him hold her hand. After such a horrible day, it felt good. She remembered again that men provide a different kind of warmth than women, but it was no less necessary. She discovered it young with her father, but since she wasn’t attracted to men, it had slipped her mind. She squeezed back. “You changed my life.”

“You keep saying that, but I fail to see how,” she said. Her tone was gentle.

“I was a sad, lonely involuntary bachelor. Knowing you reset my mentality about what relationships with women could be.”

She sighed and looked away. He ran away to take the pasta off the boil. “Are you sure you don’t want anything, Liv? You should eat something. You’re feeding Monty.”

“A tomato sandwich, then?” she said, walking into the kitchen. He smiled.

“How does Monty hate tomatoes so much? You eat them like apples.”

“I suppose the father isn’t partial,” she said, and shrugged. “It’s so strange I don’t know things like that. I know his IQ and what hereditary diseases don’t run in his family, but not whether he bites his tongue when he’s concentrating. It’s a mystery.”

He drained the mushy noodles, and cut them into bite-sized pieces. “Would it be rude if I asked how it goes?”

“How what goes?”

“The process,” he whispered. He put a pat of butter on the hot noodles. Monty wobbled by on unsteady legs.

“Are you asking about a biology lesson?” Olivia said, suppressing a smile.

“No – I mean, I know how everything works, in nature. But do they bring a cup of … you know what and shoot it up there?” Monty fell on his bottom, and quietly pulled himself up with a kitchen chair.

“More or less. With insemination, the magic of procreation happens in an aseptic examination room with a deep breath, a prayer to your deity of choice, and a turkey baster.”

“Romantic,” he said, stirring the butter into the pasta. With a grunt, Monty pushed off and walked to his high chair.

“And you did it all alone,” he said, shaking his head.

“Does a doctor count? They suggested that I bring a partner to help make the way easier for the swimmers,” she said. “But that was a no-go.”

“Eh?” John said.”Make the way?”

“You know,” she said. “Fool around. Apparently, arousal ups the chances of conception.”

“Oh,” he said. He went into the refrigerator, and found some mashed squash for the boy. He dumped it in the still-hot pasta pot. “If I add some fried sage, you’d be eating as well as a prince,” he said. It was too silent.

“Where’d you go, boy?” he said.

He made a sound from the living room. When they looked, he stood by the window, holding the sill. He held his head high.

“Jun,” he said with finality. And he took a few perfect steps to the desk.

Olivia and John looked at each other, eyes narrowed.

“In the kitchen,” John said. He walked his fingers across his palm.

“Did we miss his first steps while talking about insemination?” she said incredulously.

Monty screamed to get their attention back. Then, he bit his little tongue, and walked to the sofa.

“Uh?” he said, looking at them. They started to laugh.

“My sweet, clever boy!” she said. She knelt to hug and kiss him. “Walking around like the lord of the manor. Do it again for mum,” she said. Both of them pulled their phones out. Olivia walked by the door. “Walk to mummy,” she said. He smiled, squared up, and took the wobbling steps to her legs.

They burst into fresh cheers. Monty squealed along. They kissed him until his cheeks were rose, and Olivia posted the short video on her Facebook.

“You’re gonna have to baby proof everything at your parent’s house now,” he said as he put the baby in his high chair.

“Why does he wait until you’re around to do these things?” she said, smiling. “You’re a good luck charm.”

“It’s chance,” he said. “This has been a week of milestones.”

“He really loves you. You’ll come to visit the house, right?”

He put down Monty’s food and held her hand again. “Of course. You’ll have cream tea ready for me on the patio?”

“You’re insufferable,” she said, smiling.

His smile faded. “I hope you know that regardless of what happened, you can count on me. For anything. You say the word, and it’s done.”

Just a year ago, she would’ve slapped him silly, thinking him a disingenuous twat. But so much had changed.

“I know,” she said. One last question pricked at her. He sat down and blew gently on the squash. Monty slapped the tray, eager to eat.

“John…” She sat down beside him. “You loved her,” she said, searching his gaze. “Alex. I knew it, since I love her.”

He tied the giant plastic bib and handed Monty his special spoon. “Do your worst, mate,” he said. Monty giggled and dug in. He rose to get him his sippy cup. Olivia wondered whether he would say something. When Monty had his juice, he sat closer to her.

“My love was selfish,” he said.

“Isn’t most love, though?” Olivia said.

“I don’t know. It’s jealous, sometimes. Selfishness hints at something else.”

“You said at mother’s that you loved her, at first sight. Although it felt like a punch to the chest, I recognized the feeling in myself. That’s how I knew it was real.”

“After 13 years of Mara, my perceptions were a bit skewed,” he said. He opened his mouth, then hesitated.

“At this point, you can’t hurt me much more,” she said. “Speak.”

“She shines. It’s something about the way she doesn’t care about what anyone thinks. Being around her is like getting carte blanche to be yourself too. It’s addictive,” he said.

“I suppose,” she said. He made a good point. It was also the first thing she noticed about her. At first, it was charming. As time passed, it grated on her nerves, since it started to feel like callousness.

“After a decade of being cowed into misery, it was a change,” he said. “There’s no silence with her. No mystery. Everything’s right there in the open.”

“Yeah,” she said.

Monty coughed, and they both turned to him. He took a deep drink of his sippy cup and kept working on his noodles.

“I wanted her, Olivia. I was honest with you about that. Really honest. I knew you were together, but it didn’t matter to me. And when the opportunity presented itself, I took what I could get.” She sniffed. He wiped squash from Monty’s cheeks. “I wasn’t always that kind of man. It’s not what I was taught, but I was angry at all the world and I didn’t care who I hurt to get what I felt I deserved.”

“Her and I weren’t married,” Olivia said. 

“I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but it wasn’t about you two. It never was. It was about me, and what I wanted.”

“That’s love,” she said.

He tilted his head.”I hate to quote Holy Writ, but love is selfless. Sometimes to a fault. Like, irritatingly so,” he said, thinking back on all he endured for Mara. And, given the opportunity, all he would endure for Connie.

“I dunno,” she said. “I think the first symptom of love is clinging on to what you love, no matter the cost.”

“Perhaps, but I don’t think it counts if the person you love isn’t clinging just as hard to you,” he said. “That only counts if you’re battling together against outside circumstances. Not if, internally, your desires are at odds.”

She gave him a surprised look. He was much wiser than he let on.

“I wanted her,” he repeated. “But when I got to know all of you, the selfishness faded into something real.”

“I don’t understand how it works,” she said. She knew she was possibly being obtuse, but she had to know.

“It’s almost as if you’re upset I rejected her,” he said, his brow high.

She shrugged. “You won. After all this time, she chose you.”

“She wants me, yes,” he said. Monty threw his sippy cup to the floor and whimpered. He was done. “Are you sensing a pattern?” John’s face began to transform. There was hurt there now, clear as day. “I got a taste of my own medicine, and it was mighty bitter,” he said.

Olivia took off Monty’s bib and cleaned him with a wet wipe.

“I don’t get it.” She went upstairs to prepare a bath for Monty. He stared from the landing. “You can come up,” she said. He followed her like a wraith to the bathroom. Monty squealed. He loved bath time. She started a bath, and threw in the little ducky with the thermometer on it. The baby stood by the tub and did his bath dance, beautifully oblivious of what was going on around him. John sat on the lip of the tub and patted his head.

“I recognized the look, even before she told me,” he said. “It was the same eyes you and I had for her.”

She pulled off Monty’s clothes. He sighed happily when she took off his diaper. He rubbed his bare bottom pensively and waited for the water to be ready.

It took a couple of beats for what he said to sink in. She sighed.

“You get me now?” he said gently. She put her hands in the water and swirled some baby soap into it. Monty raised his arms, and she put him in the bath seat. He giggled and splashed around. She handed him a cup printed with cartoon sea animals. He put it under the water, then poured it over his own head. He took a whooping breath, then laughed.

She washed his hair, working the berry-scented suds through hair nearly as pale as the bubbles. He cooed with irritation, but didn’t fidget. John walked to the stairs.

“Don’t go. We’ll be right down,” she said. She put her hand over his eyes and rinsed his hair. He went into the kitchen and began to clean up. As he scraped the remains of the spaghetti into the trash, he realized how much things were going to change. The idyll was over.

His bedroom light came on, and the blinds shivered. Connie stuck out her tongue at him. 

He texted her. I’m fixing things with Olivia. I’ll be there in a moment.

His phone buzzed. You actually wrote all those words out? Ilysm

I don’t do the omg brb roflcopter thing.

Yr fingers r gonna b sore then 

She disappeared from the window.

I can’t wait. Have a drink on me until I text you. We’re almost done.

K

She appeared at his kitchen window, wearing a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. She waved a beer bottle at him. He blew her a kiss. She bit her lip, then lifted up the shirt and jiggled for him. He put his hand over his heart.

Saucy wench.

For you always 

She pressed the cold bottle to her nipple.

That’s gorgeous. 

He leaned over the sink and blew her a kiss.

“Anyone walking by can see you two,” Olivia said.

“Holy mother of balls,” he said, twisting around. Connie dipped out of view. Monty was brushed, sweet smelling, and in his pajamas. He sat down quickly to hide his semi, but he still blushed. “Sorry.”

Olivia shrugged. “I’m leaving. I don’t care about what the neighbors think anymore. I was watching out for you.” She sat down. “What about my sandwich?”

“Of course,” he said, bursting into action.

She put Monty in the walker, and he began to run back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. He found a crusty loaf in the bread box, but she stopped him. “It has to be soft bread, or it will crush the tomato when I bite into it and make a mess.”

“Ah,” he said, and grabbed the pan loaf bread that Alex preferred. “Butter or mayonnaise?”

“Mayonnaise. Butter’s not terribly good cold,” she said. He let himself be directed. “Cut the tomato thick. The slices have to have some body.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. He felt traces of Connie in her.

“Spread both slices of bread with the mayo,” she said, looking over her shoulder. “And after, cover them with very thin slices of cheddar. Last goes the tomato, with generous grind of black pepper and salt.”

He went through the steps, then cut the crusts from the bread. “Do you prefer squares or triangles?” he said.

“Triangles, remember?” she said.

He put the plate in front of her and sat down. She bit into a corner and sighed. Monty ran by and giggled. She picked up a small plushie on the tray of Monty’s walker, and threw it at the kitchen window.

“Eh?” he said as it flew over his shoulder.

“Connie’s making funny faces at me,” she said, and smiled.

He turned and blew her a kiss. She pointed at Olivia, then mimicked biting into a sandwich. She pulled up her shirt and sucked in her belly until the slats of her ribs showed. Hungry. Olivia stuck out her tongue and took another bite. Her eyes focused on John.

“You’re right,” she said finally. “I held on too tight. I suppose I wouldn’t have had to hold on at all if it was right.” She put her hand over his. “I’m sorry. For vilifying you.”

“I was a twat for a bit. I don’t blame you.”

“But you’re not one anymore. Most days,” she said, and smiled at him. “We’ll drive out tomorrow after Connie’s taxi. I will send a van for the desk. Will you watch the house if Alex decides to stay with her mum?”

The corners of his lips trembled. It was all too real. He hugged her tight.

“Alright, alright. We won’t be far. In any case, it’s looking like I’m just the first to move on,” she said, patting his back. When he pointed up, Connie was looking at them through the door. Olivia waved her in. John opened his arms to her, but she walked by and stole the other half of the sandwich.

“Nice,” John said.

“What? I love you, but I’m starving,” she said through a squishy mouthful of bread.

“John, can I order a couple more?” Olivia said.

“Coming right up,” he said, and stood with a smile.