#maybe don't make digs at their personality when you're trying to criticize their opinions?

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

this youtuber who was the target of several transphobic harassment campaigns made a video that had some admittedly bad takes on a character i like. guys remember i DON'T support harassing this person even if i disagree with them. now watch my "debunking" video that's twice the runtime of their initial video.

a third of it's just me playing their video clip by clip. and most of the rest is me pausing between clips to call them stupid/accuse them of being bigoted for poor wording/make similarly bad faith takes but it's in favor of the character this time so it's right. also i'm gonna misgender them for the whole video and like all the comments on my video which make personal attacks on/misgenders them as well.

oh but do NOT harass this person. i'm going to make more videos "debunking" their other videos that i haven't watched. that's my only plan for this channel's foreseeable future. but that's only because i disagree with their OPINIONS. the digs against them as a person are just funny jokes! remember to leave a comment on this person's original video telling them how much their video sucks! i LOVE aligning myself with the "i won't respect your pronouns if i don't respect you" crowd!

[pygmi-says-hi]

writing experiences - criticism

you're gonna get critiques. you might be asked to give critiques. sometimes it hurts when someone is insensitive about their delivery or says something that hurts your feelings. sometimes you might feel stressed with the pressure of critiquing someone else's work.

it's okay! it doesn't have to be scary! I'll explain some ways to be respectful and to deal with disrespect.

How to critique nicely:

stick to what you know. If you are searching for something to critique on, don't! If you don't see anything, say so. Don't try to find mistakes when you're not sure. that's misleading and it could end up being rude. If you know what you're seeing needs work, say so. if not, recommend a beta reader/critic who might. misinformation is often unkind.

Understand what they're asking of you. If the author only wants advice on a specific paragraph, don't give them advice on the whole page. If the author is only looking for spellcheck, don't comment on the plot. That's overstepping the boundary. Stick to what they gave you.

Ask questions! if you read a piece of dialogue that makes you go "wtf??" ask about it! clarify, 'hey, what did you want to convey here?' so that the advice you give is relevant to their story and not your opinion.

your personal opinion is not always the objective. If you're asked to critique a romance story, don't say something critical 'just because you hate romance'. That's not the point.

Understand the theme and reason they've written what they wrote. If it's satirical and supposed to be a dig at racial stereotypes, don't get hung up on 'yo you wrote that guy racist as hell.' yeah, that's the point. If they write a story from the point of a schizophrenic with no concept of time? There's a reason why the sequence is all jumbled.

Compliment sandwich is always a nice format, but try these too!

yes, and - 'i like this, maybe add this too?'

good, better, best - find something that needs work, a good example, and the best example in their work.

Engage about the work! Ask questions, add comments, let them gush about their story. The more you know, the more helpful your advice will be.

How to receive unwarranted criticism:

it sucks, guys, I know.

Does this person matter? Does the opinion of their comment have any relevance to the story?

Are they trying to be mean? Then the answer is no.

let them know respectfully. Don't respond with your own insult, that does nothing. Just say, "hey, I don't need input on this, thanks." and move on. Or, don't react and block them.

How to receive criticism that is warranted but might be upsetting:

What are they really saying? It might be hard to hear your favorite scene isn't very good. Really look into it, don't take it at face value. Reread the scene with their comments in mind. Does what they say make sense? Can you see where they're coming from? If not, disregard it.

you don't have to listen to everything. pick and choose. If someone suggests something that you think, 'hey, yeah, I get that, I'll fix it.' Do it! if somebody suggests something that you think 'nah, maybe not that direction," don't! You are not obligated to do anything.

Don't give up. It's okay to get critical feedback! Nothing is ever perfect. You are still a good writer and your story deserves to be told.

Talk with the critic! Ask why they felt that way, maybe if they have any ideas beyond what you asked for. get familiar with each other; it'll feel more like a friend than a mean teacher.

xox love you!

[rise-my-angel]

Hi, I hope this isn’t a weird thing to say but as a Jonsa shipper, I really appreciate your criticism of Jonsa. I obviously don’t agree with those particular takes but it’s really refreshing to see someone with genuine good faith takes on why you don’t like the ship. Some of your anti-Jonsa takes actually gave me a lot of food for thought. So I just wanted to say thank you.

My goal was never to change anyone's minds who ships it, or really even tell them to consider another point of view. It mostly started with me making comments how I dislike it, when I started to get a lot of push back for it, when back then my opinion was simply "I don't ship that, the incest makes me uncomfortable."

So I ended up having to dig deeper to explain more of why, and that gave me more perspective on why i dislike it even more and I simply found the desire to express that. I think everyone has valid reasons for disliking ships and the right to explain why, but I also think everyone has the right to ship whatever they want for whatever reasons.

Personally disagreeing with why or why not we agree or don't agree on a ship is totally fine, because for everything I've said, I've never seen you act aggressive or unreasonable about those different opinions. We never went to the other trying to argue why you're or I am wrong, because at the end of the day, we just see it differently and we don't feel the need to argue about it, and thats what I enjoy.

I'm fine with people shipping it and I've heard people out for why they ship things I dislike as they've heard me out. I only point out where and why I disagree but I always say I get where they're coming from.

My issue was always specific parts of those shippers who insist it is canon and I am in the wrong for thinking otherwise, or I am blind and stupid or willingly ignoring things, when I simply don't see what they see. Which like, you heard my points out, and you don't see what I see, but that's okay. I've always made those posts targeted towards those people who come into my inbox on anon and get very rude and aggressive towards me about my posts, when I do tag them as anti posts, because I think if seeing those posts is that upseeting, I wouldn't want someone to read them. But they do, and they still come to me very angry about my own views and I just don't get it.

There's tons of ships in this series I dislike, but I get where people who do ship it are coming from. But, I think it's healthy to express why we dislike something as much as it is to express why we do like it. It's just a balance, and I've never had any issues with you being a jonsa shipper.

It's the mentality of, they disagree with me, and so they feel the need to come to me personally and argue with me that I'm wrong, when really, I make posts about why I dislike ships like jonsa, because I know other people who feel that way but don't want to make those posts, because it can attract negative attention. So I'm fine with making the posts, because I see the people who agree but maybe don't want to say it. It's why I don't go onto jonsa posts and disagree, because clearly those posts aren't made for me, so I have no reason to go to them with my complaints.

I like the idea of we all just make out own posts disagreeing, without personally attacking the other or going to their inbox on anon to argue when normally, none of us want to come here and argue.

Though, I'm glad you don't totally hate me for my posts because I do thoroughly enjoy your blog, and sometimes jonsas's can conflict my dislike for the ship, as me hating Sansa, and I'm always sitting here like "wait no", considering how often I can rewatch the early seasons and how much I love almost all of Sansa's Kings Landing scenes. Sometimes I also get called a jonerys shipper which is even worse, considering I talk down about that 90% more then jonsa.

Basically, its totally not weird you saying this, I'm just glad my posts haven't put you off completely, because I enjoy you and your posts quite a lot. I never aim to try and drive people away from my stuff, I just know sometimes I am more vocal about my dislikes then others, because I know the topics some people are a bit too nervous to post about, usually surrounding popular ships.

I don't want to attack the shippers personally, im mostly trying to just echo opinions I see other people too nervous to post, knowing the backlash can sometimes be a lot to handle. So, hopefully you havent felt that way, because personal attacks isnt my actual goal.

Sometimes I just sound that way, because despite being formal in my posts, I can also sound eccentric and inflammatory in the tags when that is usually just for exaggerated joking sake to offset the essay I usually just wrote.

[super-hero-confessions]

I'll never understand why some people are so insecure in their tastes that they have to take opposition and claim supremacy to what they consider 'other'.

Shipping wars. Marvel vs. DC. Comics vs. Film.

Obviously, not exclusive to fiction. But a perfect example of where the worst of it starts.

I understand when something warrants actual criticism or a closer look. Fandom bullshit and bullying should always be called out. Having a fave in and of itself is understandable. But at the end of the day, this shit is supposed to be and remain fictional and it's just so ridiculous how hypocritical these people don't even realize they are.

And here's a crazy ass concept.

Why not both??

I swear these are the same type of people to think you have to choose between anal or oral. But like... you have options. You can enjoy all of them in some capacity or another and still have your faves, that is an option too.

I swear though, the acting like tween fangirls and throwing a fit or having to take a serious dig at something that isn't your absolute fave because you can't cope with your own insecurity doesn't make you look any better.

It's called being petty and childish.

Dismissive and disrespectful too when the thing that gets thrown constant digs may cover extremely important subject matter that deserves a second look more than people could possibly know. Case in point for example but not limited to?

The Boys comics.

Let me just tell you, it is just wonderful to know how little people actually care about one of the biggest detriments to human life the world has ever seen so much so that they would do exactly what the show and books criticize.

Just go, "haha, supe go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" for the show or exclusively fawn over the actors while denying or ignoring the important stuff cause porn I guess and let the rest be swept under the rug.

Because we should always blame the soldiers and veterans instead of the war profiteers and mercenaries that have kids sign contracts before they know what they're getting into and who they're really fighting for, right?

This coming from someone who has preferences and faves. Because guess what? You can like more than one thing and even have fandom discourse and discussion. You can even have reasons to not prefer something that are valid.

But when you pretend those reasons and opinions are more valid than someone who has put in the time and effort and research without a second thought? Or deny the experiences of someone who has because you couldn't be bothered to pay enough attention?

Instead of just accepting that you have a preference, that's okay, and you shouldn't have to put something down to justify your preference?

You're part of the problem. And you don't even realize it.

Fandom, like what you like. Enjoy and have fun. But please grow up and learn to be serious when appropriate instead of horrifically dismissive or taking everything as a personal attack.

Fictional stuff especially is way less important than real life stuff. Bullying should not be happening over fiction. And we should be taking the messages from the media we consume as a reason to do better and try our best to listen and learn.

And maybe don't listen to the 500 different peoples' opinions about a comic not a single one of them has bothered to actually legitimately read or even make a vague attempt to understand.

The world could be a better place.

[theskyexists]

You know what I think is so....there's such a pseudo respect for science on this website specifically but - just like in many societies generally - only when it speaks with authority. And yeah, the scientific method is how we're trying to find out truth about things, so we can base our decisions on this truth. At one point - you're gonna have to speak with some authority based on the research that has been done. But. So many people - in society and on this website - have not studied to become scientists. They have not learned about the scientific method. So all they see is apparently - science as authority. But science as authority is a consensus. 'Consensus' reached by multiple individual scientists who are no longer in major disagreement because so much research has been done that it SEEMS LIKE we're on to something. And yet, even then, everything may turn out to be wrong. Because people have been fabricating results for example (happened really seriously within the field of psychology) or because it turned out that most studies' methods or assumptions were less rigorous or accurate than desirable (lookin askance at economics) or the classic paradigm shift in physics where some whole new set of ideas topples earlier ones. It seems like we've reached a pretty solid idea of things. But when is that point? Very few people have been taught to recognise it. Which requires actually reading/scanning studies. Or at least good summaries. Getting a sense of what the landscape of ideas is. What are major theories and assumptions and results? (In uni, you get handed this in a course). More importantly, what is missing?? Once you go digging into any subject it generally turns out there's more gaps in understanding and especially empirical results WITH good methods than what's actually known. In uni, you're taught to recognise how researchers might have fucked up (at least, they attempt to teach this). What's solid stuff? What's rigorous research? What is valid and reliable? When is something TRUE? Here comes my personal opinion: if there's not 3- 10 citations behind a statement then you're knitting a web of maybes together. Actually it's NOT just my personal opinion, it's a major problem in scholarship and science that scientists are NOT reproducing studies because they are not rewarded for it - when the scientific method REQUIRES reproduction of results for any kind of robust 'truth' to emerge.

But most people are simply 100% not taught about HOW our societies make truth (emerge) - or rather how scientists should be doing this. They are delivered truth by the authority: science. But the nature of the scientific process delivers differing narratives, theories, hypotheses, especially until a kind of consensus is reached. So people take one study and run with it. Or 7 wildly differing studies which seem to be about the same thing but really aren't. And that's not even non-uni-educated people only, I've seen plenty of paper-publishing people knit their stuff together that way. Sometimes that's all the information there is! But though scientists are taught to point to the sources of information for statements they make - that doesn't mean that everything published is Fact. Most discussions of results would acknowledge this strenuously. Still, they're often cited that way if it suits the narrative of the paper pointing at them.

My point? Wish people would be MORE skeptical of 'science'. What? I hear you ask? More crazies who don't listen to reason? No - I just wish more people would have access to and the means to and the desire to and have respect for doing one's own research with the scientific method as FALLIBLE BUT ENDLESSLY SELF- ADJUSTING TRUTH-SEEKING MECHANISM in the backs of their minds. Which means reading. Literally just means reading, and staying critical, and recognising when things are not nearly ready to be called TRUTH yet at all and when things ARE ready to be called TRUTH (looking at climate change and its human causes and the major consensus on this).

What I mean is - again - wish people would actually read studies. Wish this was a thing taught to every child in secondary school. Otherwise you get people pointing at 30 studies about completely different arguments / completely different scope that lead back to about three studies of actual results eventually which didn't have amazing methods. And that's TRUTH and anyone who denied this Substantiated Common Sense is a moral idiot. Maybe let's do some rigorous testing first and then some pilots.

[ivyblossom]

you okay? haven't seen you around these parts lately?

Hello, anon, how kind of you to notice my absence and ask, that's so sweet of you!

I have been visiting family, and then I was at an in-person professional conference, one that I was in charge for planning, which was a little high-stakes-y and a bit stressful (it went GREAT, all well there), so I was stuck in real world stuff for a while. All good.

But then there's this fannish stuff that has me a bit...well.

I'm treading a little more carefully with my fannish life because of some twitter drama that had nothing to do with me. It wasn't about me in any way whatsoever, and I'm overreacting, but it flashed the possibility of a creator (or creator-adjacent) discussion about how shitty it is that we sillies write fanfiction that they don't like or approve of, and my heart honestly can't take it. I pretend I'm thick-skinned about this stuff, and I wish I were, but I'm really not. Even a hint that things are going in that direction makes me feel sick. So I throw words at it in the hopes that that will protect me. Which probably does the opposite.

Writing fanfiction feels great to me. I love doing it, I love interacting with other fans and getting into deep conversations about characters and voice and emotions and big, moral decision-making and all that stuff, it feels very honest and genuine to me. It feels like we use these stories as tools to communicate about something much bigger, that we're digging into parts of ourselves that are really foundational and otherwise unrevealed. Like, the shared language of stories gives us these amazing tools to talk about things and experience things that it's hard to get at otherwise. It feels like you're suddenly able to communicate with a group of people you didn't know existed before, in a language you didn't know you understood, and those people see you and get you in a way you've never experienced before. It's a cool thing. I always come away from it a different person, and I'd say a better one.

So when people I admire laugh at us in that particular way, you know the one, it really hits me hard.

This is a really vulnerable place to me. I don't know if I've ever fully appreciated how much that's true. Fandom is a pseudonymous trust fall in the oddest way. And hitting the ground is probably the inevitable result, but I keep climbing back up again anyway.

I never considered whether, as a fan, I want some kind of pat on the head from creators. That makes no sense, but maybe I do. What a weird way to go about getting acknowledgement, eh? The things we do to ourselves.

The first time I wrote fanfiction it was a form of criticism. I definitely didn't want a thumbs up from JK Rowling. I couldn't have cared less what she thought of what we were doing. She was always an anti-role model for me rather than someone whose good opinion I wanted. I had no desire for creator approval there.

I wrote Sherlock fics because of the unspoken parts, the parts that lay beneath the words. The first time I wrote a Sherlock fic it was because I was impressed with Sherlock's voice and I thought it would be impossible to use it as a narrator, which of course prompted me to try. I also thought this unemotional character would be so much more appealing to me personally if he had a secret and powerful emotional life, which I could project into unemotional behaviour and could always believe was there even if it never appeared on screen. I wouldn't have said this at the time, but in retrospect I think I did want Steven Moffat in particular to know that I, nameless me, wrote a story out of admiration for the construction of those characters, and that I did a pretty okay job of using that toolset for an amateur. I must have wanted that somehow, even though that's not a reasonable or possible thing to get. Something like, pat pat "You did okay, little fan, well done, keep working at it, you're getting there!" That's pretty silly, isn't it, but I think I probably would have loved a generalized nod like that. Some part of me wanted to be seen, I guess? By people who's work I admired? I guess that's not so weird.

This time, with Our Flag Means Death, I just love the story, I love the characters, I love the writing and the voices, everything, I didn't want to change or add anything at all, I just wanted to write something that's a sort of love letter and a heartfelt squee, because I think this thing is beautiful, and I felt like we were getting a general YAY WE LOVE YOU TOO WE LOVE WHAT YOU CREATE IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE AND ADMIRATION WE SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE I SEE YOU vibe back, and that felt scarily nice. I guess I fear getting what I want, because it's all so vulnerable, and what if I believe it and I feel buoyed by it and I go more vulnerable in my fannish way, and then it turns out to be all a big joke and a lie? Then I feel stupid and really hurt.

I shouldn't let people I don't know, and who don't even know I exist, hurt me. And yet somehow, I keep standing up for this bizarre trust fall. Perhaps I am just a sucker for punishment. Pedestals are bad for everyone. I need to stop putting people on them. I should stop finding ways to hit the ground myself at the feet of them!

You asked how I'm doing, and I guess I could have just said, "Oh, fine," but no, I bought you a pint and sat you down and told you the whole damn story, didn't I. Thanks for listening. Do you need another pint? I certainly owe you one at this point.

[miraculouscontent]

I'm hoping this isn't some vague rant about you and your tags. I don't think you were trying to be racist or anything.

lol yeah, certainly not. Making that tag (if that's what they're talking about anyway; for context, it was concerning what Alya did in "Risk" and my tag was "#ALYA YOU HAD ONE JOB") a race issue is silly in the first place when the whole thing we've been talking about literally this whole season was that we were upset at the fact that Alya was handed Marinette's identity instead of having to realize first that there were limits to how far Marinette would go for her crush (ignoring Alya's role as well in that because we'd be here for like an hour otherwise, but basically, Marinette has wanted to give up multiple times and Alya has been against it, thus making it eyeroll-worthy when Alya chides Marinette for her behavior while not taking any personal responsibility herself).

Marinette digging her heels this deep in on the Lila subject should've set off red flags on The Journalist over here. Like--Marinette is friends with Kagami to the point where Alya thought Marinette was being stupid by wanting to comfort Kagami after her break-up with Adrien when Alya wanted to force Adrienette instead (and then she wonders why/complains when Marinette goes after Adrien so hard :\).

And yet, even when Alya was handed the free pass of "hey, Marinette obviously has a reason to hate Lila which you should know because it's in your interview," Alya maintains the "Alya Knows Best" mindset and apparently can't even tell when her friend is telling the truth about something she's genuinely concerned about. That's what I mean; her "job" - as in, like, literal job superhero-wise - is the guardian's understudy and Rena Furtive, but despite knowing Marinette's identity it literally means nothing to her because "clearly this is just about her being jealous of Lila" (just saying, maybe they shouldn't be friends then if Alya thinks Marinette would lie like that?).

I dislike Alya so strongly because of her personality - no, not "the black best friend," I recall white characters in past shows I watched who fell into similar spots with me - is one I've always despised, and I think it's unfair to immediately make it a race issue. We've all had experiences and there are people who may be biased towards [x] or [y] type of character because they dealt with a bad sort of that type in their past. People shouldn't be afraid to speak up about how they feel about a character simply because they don't want people coming after them and making it an issue of skin tone rather than personality.

Alya being the Black Best Friend is a writing issue and that's a separate discussion. At the end of the day, what she does, did, and will do is still part of the person she is in the show. She also gets off scot-free for stuff and/or gets rewarded where Marinette would've gotten punished. Being the Black Best Friend does not exempt her from criticism (not saying that's anyone's point, just throwing it out there as a statement), and acting like anyone who takes issues with Alya's actions in "Risk" must be viewing it through race (which--if we're going there, Adrien is like--the whitest character in the show and I can't stand him) just creates an environment where people are scared to express their opinions on fictional characters because they don't want to offend people who could go off at a single tag that hasn't even been elaborated on yet.

I've gone into detail over and over and over again on why I don't like Alya and why her type of character just doesn't appeal to me (in fact, most of the girl squad I don't like that much). I, nor anyone else, should have to sit here and have to validate our own opinion by talking about past experiences/personal stuff that are none of anyone else's business. It's a black-and-white view of looking at things to say that "if you're critical of this, then the only reason must be because--" instead of stepping back to think that there could be something deeper. This is the internet where no one knows anyone's age, race, orientation, and so on without it being stated outright.

I get it. Representation is important and it sucks when someone's representation is either written terribly or treated terribly, and even if they're a bad character it can be harder to dislike them because there's a connection there that has to be cut first. I'm all in favor of attacking the writing and criticizing the choices made in the show's creation, but a character is a character who won't thank you for your protection nor suffer if you don't. No one's obligated to defend any character because they don't actually exist. I just encourage that they be defended for their character, not their color.

Here's the thing: the Miraculous writers basically can't write ANYONE. Girls, black people, whoever. The characters are inconsistent, they can go from likable to absolute scum within the span of an episode or two, and things just get worse when going behind the scenes. We can talk all day about who's getting the better deal out of things (i.e: who gets punished more, who gets a pass versus who doesn't, who gets tormented the most for the writers' amusement, etc.) but it's never going to end because it is an opinion, and boiling things down to race (whether out of genuine concern or otherwise) without an understanding of where the person is coming from helps no one and forces said person into an awkward spot where they're in a lose-lose situation no matter what they say.

It's a claim that's just near-impossible to fight back against, and all the actual hard work and effort people put into detailing why they felt a certain way just gets thrown out the window.

(Also, I don't even think I said anything about Nino at all so I'm not positive they're talking about me or purposefully lumping Nino and Alya together because they're black and assuming my opinion of the two is the same for the same reason, which is... yeah.)

(Also also, nitpick, but I don't like how they classify Marinette solely as "white" when she's half-Chinese. Again, nitpick and I know she's white-passing but I just have a thing about people calling part-white people white as if the rest of them doesn't matter.)

[gothicprep]

i saw some pretty ghastly shit on my dash last night, and i have nothing better to do than to weigh in. but instead of naming names, i'm going to try to toe the line and redact some specifics & paraphrase while trying to represent this as fairly as possible. take my word for it when i say i got my hands dirty enough to get the full picture on this.

person a makes a post that says something to the effect of "it's wrong to e-stalk someone with the express purpose of sexually shaming them for a callout post. if someone is circulating a post that's saying 'this person is into omegaverse? it's that disgusting?', in my opinion, OP is significantly less safe to be around than the subject of the post. most of the time this happens, it's targeting a trans woman, and this is good enough reason to be more critical about this practice"

before i move on here, it's important to point out that this sort of thing happens so often online that it's impossible to look like a statement like that and definitively say it's referencing something specific. i think the most egregious example of this i can think of relating to a callout here is five years back where a nontrivial amount of the post was. like. screenshots of sexually explicit conversations between 14-15 year old users. and that's just tumblr. not even getting into the far slimier versions of this on kiwifarms, 4chan, or if you really want to turn back the clock, encyclopedia dramatica or something awful.

the post makes the rounds and is intercepted by person b, who does some mental calculus and deduces that it was made in reference to a large callout post that was going around. unfortunately i have not been able to dig the post up for the life of me because everyone who's been talking about this situation has been vague about this, but the gist is that it had several people on it an the broader theme was extreme sexual creepiness – race play, noncon, pedophilia, and bestiality included in the mix. person b expresses surprise that person a apparently sided with racists, and people who sexually assault children or animals, but concludes that person a is a cis white woman and "they're usually all three".

person a gets angry about this for reasons that i think don't need to be elaborated on. "this statement could be applied to this call out, therefore it definitely is, and person a is defending these people specifically and she's doing it because she's like them". both are doubling down. person b is also saying that person a was the mod on an anti social justice blog in '14. there is no evidence for this, other than the blog having a mod from the same country as her, with the same nickname, which is very, very flimsy grounds.

so, what exactly happened here? A doesn't mention any of that stuff in the post. omegaverse, maybe you could make some kind of case for if you're reading the post as "defending omegaverse" rather than "condemning sexual harassment". but i don't think racism and sexual abuse apologia is an entirely fair thing to extrapolate, even if omegaverse is the given example and it's a dubious trope. especially because the big call out wasn't about the omegaverse, right?

the short answer is i'm not sure what B was doing here, but i feel like her response being to try and dig up dirt on A's online past, and deferring to something speculative and unsubstantiated when she can't readily do that is a massive call for concern.

but all that out of the way, i want to talk a little bit about how situations like these are good examples of how frivolously extremely serious allegations can be thrown around.

for one, making a joke about "well most of the people in this demographic group fuck children and pets anyway" doesn't really seem like the kind of shit you say if you take abuse seriously by any real measure. but it gets worse.

do you guys want to know why conservatives are really fond of casting gay & trans people as pedophiles and child groomers? it's because it's very, very common for people to be okay with violence against people who sexually abuse children, and feel urgently enough about this that they're willing to turn a bit of a blind eye to forgoing due process in support of that, due to the weight of it. their goal is to tap into that same justified anger and visceral disgust and weaponize it against a group they dislike. so seeing B react to A's post highlighting that this sort of cyberstalking tends to hurt trans women the most with "well white women tend to be pedophiles, amongst other things" strikes me as very, very reckless advocacy. and that's me being a lot more generous than they deserve.

also:

you could apply this vague post to a callout –> she's probably a creep in the same way they are –> *additional accusation based on extremely circumstantial events*

you can follow how this has a way of calling into suspect the original allegations in the callout, right? if this vague statement about a common instance online can be used to suggest that someone is a pedophile, how exactly was that determined for the other people involved in this? did someone come forward and say "this older user put me in some very uncomfortable sexual situations" or was it a similar situation of "i read their post in the worst possible light"? we understand that it's extremely dangerous to create a boy who cried wolf situation with stuff like this, right?

there have been plenty of bunk callouts on here. some cases like the lesbian makeup application photo, which was just complete shit. or the mitski sex trafficking debacle, that was the unfortunate result of a user having a psychosis episode – even though they later told people over and over again that they had written it while hallucinating and it still kept circulating. surely we need to have some kind of vetting process? but many situations of abuse are not going to have a paper trail, which complicates things.

what to do, then? i guess something like this, it's worth your time to dive into posts that have more of a gossipy "they said a bad thing" tone and figure out why it something is being said/if it's a fair interpretation of events. as for things where this isn't an option, i truly don't have any ideas.

either way, the kind of internet conduct where you just assume the worst possible faith at all time isn't keeping anyone safer.

[thedreadvampy]

As an ace arospec person, I don't think your first post about Martin was aphobic. But the way you just keep digging yourself into a hole is the real issue. When you first saw people had issues with your comments, you could have just made a post that said "I'm sorry that my wording implied that being aspec is infantilizing. It wasn't my intention, aspec people are valid" or something like that. But you just kept going and now you're speaking on things you have no real authority on (qprs etc.) 1/2

and you're constantly playing the victim card which is really infuriating when aspec people are just trying to educate you and figure out if you can be trusted. And maybe that comes off as rude but you don't know how many times I've looked up to someone or enjoyed their content and then found out they're aphobic. "I lost my dad i lost my snake i don't know where I'm at housing wise AND i somehow managed to start more fights while i wasn't looking." Just apologize and stop dragging this on. 2/2

---------------------------

Hm. No?

Every time something blows up, I get two rounds of people in my inbox, half of whom are angry that I'm not answering their questions and half of whom are angry that I am. I am not "playing the victim card," because I'm not having a bad time because people are criticising me and I wouldn't be having Not A Bad Time if they weren't, if you scroll back in my blog prior to the last week you may notice this is Not New. This is however my fucking blog, which I maintain specifically because I need somewhere to put things that are overwhelming me or sick in my head, so ex-fucking-scuse me if I say "haha I'm having a Bad Time" when haha I'm having a Bad Time. I haven't said and nor do I mean "I'm having a bad time so nobody's allowed to criticise me" or "I'm having a bad time And It's Your Fault," the only reason I have ever connected the two things is to say "I'm having a Bad Time which is why I'm being a bit slow off the mark answering messages about this, but I'm not ignoring them"

No, I'm not gonna fucking apologise for eventually caving and answering a question I have repeatedly said "no I don't think it's my place to speak on that so I'm not going to" after people have repeatedly demanded I Answer To The Anonymous Jury. Jesus fucking Christ like I'm not up here at my podium giving a speech on My Opinion On QPRs unasked I literally. have been repeatedly told I'm being shitty and evasive for days for Not Unequivocally Stating My Position On Ace Issues so nah son I'm not going to now feel like it's a great imposition by me to answer that question.

And no, I've said this before and I'll say it again, an apology is literally meaningful only as a commitment to action and I'm not comfortable or willing to make a show of apologetics in order to appease people or avoid criticism. I will not say "I'm sorry that my wording implied that being ace is infantilising" because, given that, once again, I at no point even mentioned infantilising and only mentioned aro/ace identity to say that it wasn't what I was talking about, I don't think my wording did imply that. I'm open to being proved wrong but literally so far nobody's even explained how they read it that way, so no, I'm not fucking sorry that I ~implied that being ace is infantilising~ because as far as I'm concerned I Did Not Do That. and I won't be sorry for it until someone can point me to where the fuck I did that and I can identify what I did wrong and what change is needed. Am I sorry that people have been hurt? Definitely. Am I sorry if people don't feel safe interacting with me? Very much so. But I'm not going to ~say sorry and move on~ because that would be hollow, performative and dishonest.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Tori Amos quotes

- Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.

- I think that people who can't believe in fairies aren't worth knowing.

- I know I'm an acquired taste - I'm anchovies. And not everybody wants those hairy little things.

- Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes.

- I have so many different personalities in me and I still feel lonely.

- The violence between women is unbelievable.

- I'm too wacky for most weirdos. Who am I to judge?

- If they keep crashing stuff into the moon, the moon's gonna get pissed off, and the tides'll change, and all the women'll start PMS-ing together. Then you guys are going to fucking regret it.

- If you really want a challenge, just deal with yourself.

- I don't see myself as weird, I just see myself as honest.

- I see the dream and I see the nightmare, and I believe you can't have the dream without the nightmare.

- Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much.

- Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.

- On some of my darkest days, Lucifer's the one who comes and gives me an ice cream.

- Most people would rather be sheep than stand on their own with antlers on.

- The sense of loss is such a tricky one, because we always feel like our worth is tied up into stuff that we have, not that our worth can grow with things we are willing to lose.

- When you've got the virgin and the whore sitting next to each other, they're likely to judge each other harshly.

- I think you have to know who you are.

- Get to know the monster that lives in your soul.

- Dive deep into your soul and explore it.

- I don’t want to renounce my dark side.

- The truth has always held an enormous interest for me.

- Healing for me is being able to sit next to the butcher and say 'Yes, I’m sitting next to the butcher now,' instead of saying 'there is no butcher'.

- This is very simple in the world of chicks; some are hoochies, some are not, and some should never try to be.

- We don't often see our own stories. Good artists are the ones that whisper our own stories back to us.

- Music is about all of your senses, not just hearing.

- Again, we go back to the power of words and how they can make you feel. They bring liberation or stagnation, they're chains.

- You don't have to apologize for growing and learning and changing your mind.

- Music has an alchemical quality.

- Certain relationships can just wear you down.

- Containment of your opinion is a must if you are going to nurture an artist's development.

- It's a good thing I'm curious, because sometimes I just research how a soccer player kicks a ball and the impact it has on his foot. I haven't used this yet, but I might.

- But over the years you can cultivate hate for the art you love.

- I don’t believe anyone’s story is boring. Every story has value because it belongs only to you.

- Sometimes I fantasize backstage about how people do their laundry. Woolite? Mixed-color loads? Do they fold? Do they press? Do they Shout it out? And the thing that kills me—do their whites come out dingy?

- Our generation has an incredible amount of realism, yet at the same time it loves to complain and not really change.

- We like our pain. And we’re packaging it, and we’re selling it.

- Festivals or radio shows can be the heavyweight championships of arrogantly detached clusterfucks.

- People who are addicted to power can live on the same street or attend the same school as us or even play on the world stage.

- None of us are this light and dark fantasy. What's dark to you may be light to me and vice versa.

- I don't think that many performers necessarily want to see their audience empowered. I think a lot of performers, no different from priests, need the hierarchy.

- Modern, celebrity-driven entertainment turns the stage into an altar, and so many celebrities refuse to be removed from those altars once they manage to ascend.

- All storytellers, all troubadours worth their salt knew their myths.

- The Sídh's historical myth is the source of the bastardized concept of a fairy—as if anyone gives a rat's ass.

- The problem with Christianity is, they think everything is about outside forces, good and evil. There's not a lot of inner work encouraged.

- Over the last few hours I've allowed myself to feel defeated, and just like she said if you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, maybe you won't be afraid of that feeling anymore.

- I'm the queen of the nerds.

- Don't give up. Don't listen to these foolish critics that are so small minded they don't get it tonight.

- Sometimes listening to music can motivate you.

- I think even in a good marriage, especially if you stay together long enough, there are going to be events that happen.

- An ounce of breast milk is even more potent than the finest tequila.

- Music is always a reflection of what's going on in the hearts and minds of the culture.

- Many people lock a part of themselves away. It's a bit sacred.

- I've always seen the songs as having a consciousness.

- Our world is a huge mess right now, and not big enough for masses of intolerant people.

- We are all fairies living underneath a leaf of a lily pad.

- That is some funky-fresh, pop lockin' shit.

- If I saw someone destroy a piano I'd fuckin' kill 'em. Wouldn't think twice.

- I experiment with things that are usually an internal experience, because that's just what excites me. And yes, it does sometimes give me visions.

- Some of those trips were eighteen hours long and I'll never forget, once I ended up sitting by the bush trying to ask the flowers why they didn't like me. It's like, Why can't I be your friend?

- You might not like my story because I'm not gonna tell you how it ends yet, and you need to travel it with me.

- I just imagined a huge juicy vagina coming out of the sky, raining blood over all those racist, misogynist fuckers.

- You can't control your popularity

- If you can't create physical life, you find a life force. If that's in music, that's in music.

- I started to find this deep, primitive rhythm, and I started to move to it.

-I held hands with sorrow, and I danced with her, and we giggled a bit

- I usually get myself into situations that cause sparks.

- I love feeling alive, I love walking out in the cold in my bare feet and feeling the ice on my toes.

- For the most part, pianos are female to me.

- Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it.

- In our minds, love and lust are really separated.

- I think all the boys that write the screaming stuff would write the best love songs

- When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people?

- Guys would sleep with a bicycle if it had the right color lip gloss on. They have no shame. They're like bull elks in a field.

- Your worst enemies are made when you ignore people.

- It's as if the horses have come to take us back, to descend, to find the dark side. By dark I mean what's hidden, not necessarily satanic.

- There's room for everybody on the planet to be creative and conscious if you are your own person. If you're trying to be like somebody else, then there is isn't.

- Sometimes you have to do what you don't like to get to where you want to be.

- You know that saying, bad things don't happen to good people? That's a lie.

- I'm not a habit, I'm a lifestyle.

- There are a lot of hidden nerds.

- People who become the front runners often used to be outcasts or loners.

- Um, don't get me wrong because I love boys, it's just that sometimes we don't need you.

- There are only ten ideas under the sun. What makes the difference is how you spice them.

- So I'm in Virginia, and I had crabs--I keep saying that! I had crab sickness, I had eaten bad crabs in Maryland!

- I'm a winter girl; I like coming out when things are desolate and everybody's ready to slit their wrists.

- You can only be you. A lot of times it's never enough for people.

- I've never played the guitar, except throwing it against the wall cause it was pissed off I couldn't play it.

- Truly, I was a sweetheart when I was little, like the Honeysuckle Faery. Sweet-pea. But sweet-peas are not popular after second grade. Sweet-peas become nerds really fast.

- I really enjoy having a giggle with a friend, but then someone crosses my line, then I don't really take it lightly.

- I sometimes forget I'm not 7'2" and a Viking.

- A boundary was crossed. And maybe I drew a boundary, consciously.

- It was a bit violent, a bit sexual.

- When nothing makes sense, music seems to come and bring me a margarita and sit down with me.

- You don't have to justify everything. Being pissed off is just absolutely okay.

- There is a level of the vampire in me, which is OK.

- It hurts me when a woman doesn't come through for me, more than a man.

- I'm a grown woman. I've earned my experiences, my scars.

- What is an angel but a ghost in drag?

- I'm beginning to accept and love the parts of me, of women that I was trained to hate all my life.

- People can be so vicious toward the imaginary world and it saddens me. You kill a lot of little people's dreams that way.

- Even if you don't read history or you aren't interested in anything that happened before the '60s, there are reasons why we think the way we do.

- That's how the story goes but I don't believe the story.

- I would find myself either the lovey-doveyest-woviest sweet pea, or a mad-woman.

- I believe in eating.

- You can't change what happened. And nobody's asking you to forgive.

- Why be afraid of these cuddly, soft, adorable things?

- I have good days. Like if I get really good coffee ice cream with just the right amount of chocolate syrup.

- A lot of people see themselves as victims, even when you have to stand in line for ice cream.

- It's so difficult to be critical of children because they need to discover themselves. We're always telling them, "No, the tree has green leaves!"

- I'm tired of being a rebel. Now I just want to be me.

- When things get really empty for me, empty in my outer life, in my inner life, the music world, the songs come across galaxies to find me.

- Do you know what it's like to be a girl and have blood running down your legs and think that you're dying, just because no one's told you that's what happens? It's horrible.

- An angel's face is tricky to wear constantly.

- Mess with me and you will not survive.

- I think that happiness is when you can let yourself feel every emotion you want at any time instead of being a lying little fuck.

- I'm not into this dieting thing.

- The cross has been used as a weapon, as it has been used against all women throughout the ages. And that's the greatest evil of all.

- I think you've got to find a giggle somewhere in stuff that would scare the poop outta ya.

- A cornflake girl is Wonderbread whereas a raisin girl is whole wheat bread.

- I would like to think I'm a raisin girl, because in my mind they're more open minded. Cornflake girls are totally self centered, don't care about anything or anybody.

- I like butter and the people who like butter."

- I'm known as that girl who has tea with the Devil.

- I'm not afraid of sadness.

- Everybody has creativity and each person has it in a different way. Some people aren't musical, some musicians can't even think about painting or gardening. There's so many different ways to be creative.

- I wanna be burned, definitely burned, like the witches.

- Give the kids tools, so they can go build their own houses; not the blueprint of what the houses should be.

- Look at me now. I'm breast feeding pigs.

- I wish I had more of a sense of humor.

- I can be so hard on people.

- If somebody's being a jerk, I would like to go wee on their head. And then I do that, mentally.

- The people on the internet know more about what I am doing than I do. Like, they will say that I am going to be in this mall on this day, and sure enough, I am there!

- I'm like a lioness who kills her own prey and no one else has to kill for her. But if some other lioness comes to me and says "I just got a good prey, do you want a piece?" I can say "of course" - and the other way around.

- There are things that I would disagree with Jesus about, and I feel really good about that.

- History has recorded some pretty nasty things that have happened to people. I think we remember. I think it's in our cells and I think it can still hurt sometimes."

- I don't believe in the saying that it all happens for the best, it's just not appropriate.

- Of course I believe in past lives, I mean, three quarters of the human race believes this, it's not like a great new thought here.

- I use innocence in my demeanor like a Venus flytrap.

- I do like to talk about things no one wants to hear at the dinner table.

- I'm not interested in being a really nice person; I want to be a creative, responsible person that's balanced.

- Boys are cute but food is cuter

- Do any of you dream about crocodiles?

-I know I dream about crocodiles. I'm obsessed with them.

- If people can't see things from the other side that's not my problem, it's theirs.

- I think I give equal time in my hatred, right?

- Sometimes I'm mad at some guy, sometimes I'm mad at some girl, and sometimes I'm totally loving some guy, so and sometimes I'm loving some girl.

_ Well, Pele is the volcano goddess and I thought of like, um, sacrificing some of the boys in my life to her but then I decided that that wasn't really a very good idea.

- Anger originates from envy and outrage, not being seen, not being heard.

- We don't know where souls go when they die. We don't know a lot of things. We didn't create the planets. We didn't do this all by ourselves. So, therefore, why wouldn't there be a creative force if it can create humans and planets?

- I've been hanging out with some of the Hell's Angels in England. They're some of the sweetest people I've ever met.

- Real friends have to be understanding of each other, and their faults.

- I think I'm really hard to get to know on a personal level.

- Thailand is calling me.

- People I see laughing all the time, check for razor blades in their anal-force underwear, because it's just a little lie.

- I'm not interested in taking drugs. I do hallucinogens once in a while for journey experiences.

- I hear the wine. It's like a structure. I see it as a piece. I hear it before I taste it. It's calling me. And then I start to hear it when I'm tasting it.

- Not that I use crystal suppositories, I'm not New Age.

- A peach tree says, 'Some of me will be juicy and some of me will be dry I'm not growing for you; I grow because that's what I do.' You always hear some person complain about how dry their peach is and the peach says, 'It's not our fault you have no understanding on the proper use for dry peaches.'

- My theory is that women were the Mona Lisas for a long time and now men are Mona Lisas with little goatees. They are our muses.

- If you're gonna tell a story, you have to grow into the head of the rapist as well as the raped.

- He was a lite sneeze, and not the flu. Most boys would like to think they're the flu, wouldn't they? But they're really just a achoo.

- If you call me an airy-fairy new age hippy waif, I will cut your penis off.

- It's a double-edged sword and if you pretend you don't want it you're a liar and that is going to rip your soul to pieces.

- I'm always dreaming that these bulls are chasing me. Half the time I don't get away - I almost get over the fence, and then they gore me.

- I believe in energy, everything is energy. And therefore sometimes magic can be created if somebody is open to letting energy do what it does, instead of being so cynical, that you miss magic happening.

- I feel like a work really has many sides to it when people have such extreme reactions. When a work is greeted with just, 'Oh, you know, it's nice', then it's not affecting people. So love it or hate it, that's okay.

- I am a real believer in looking at pain and taking it out shopping.

- The music is the magic carpet that other things take naps on.

- I just try to strip myself, peel myself like an onion. At different layers I discover stuff.

- Why is the world where it is? It's so deep-rooted, if we really start looking, and we might not like what we find. But I think we have to, we have to ask the questions.

- I'm beyond the fury of youth.

- I love young women who are angry. They're wild mustangs.

- I didn't want her looking and hearing me and thinking, "Oh my God, that's a scary lady!"

- They felt that it was detrimental material for their children and that it was blasphemous.

- They've decided they kinda' have you figured out.

- My nightmares are so bad, that I mostly reject it when my friends want to take me to a cinema to watch a horror movie. Then I say, "No, thank you. I will dream in a few hours."

- I don't know of anybody who's gonna be fulfilled if they get hit by a bus. You have to surrender to that eternal need to be fulfilled.

- How do you know I'm not having a margarita with Jesus tonight at 10 o'clock?

- Let's be honest, religion has not supported women and men exploring all sorts of their sides, their unconscious. It has not been supportive of, you know, go into the places without shame, without blame, without judgment, and just let yourself really see what's cooking in there.

- I think human beings are so much more capable of what they told us we're capable of.

- Anyone can attend yoga, kabbalah classes, church, lectures by the 'Dalai Lama', yada, yada, yada - but can you be present for your life, and live with the way you treat other people?

- Only a few people should have a "greatest hits". I'm not one of those people.

- I feel like our leaders have hijacked America's personality, and taken her to personality plastic surgery school. And they decided this is who she is.

- The playground is the biggest war-zone in the world.

- You have to read visionaries to have visions.

- They squash the baby bird because their bird got squashed.

- I love reading. I'll read the first sentence and if it makes sense to me I pick it up.

- It's ridiculous saying there's only one true faith, it's like saying there's only one map to get you up the mountain. I want to see those other maps, man.

- I kinda have all the aspects of my personality round one table for spaghetti.

- If it's too loud, turn it up.

- I was doing drugs with a South American shaman, and I really did visit the devil and, well, I had a journey.

- There is no passion without broken crockery.

- You have to ask, how could a nation nearly vote in somebody who isn't qualified for the job?

- We're living in a frightening time and I wish people would wake up and realise they're surrendering their civil liberties.

- Who wouldn't want to shag a queen?

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I'm a bit embarrassed to ask this. Have you ever read a fic that, stylistically, it's beautiful, linguistically it's tight, and it's obvious the author poured their whole self into constructing the plot, crafting the world, and nailing down the characterizations, but... You just don't get it? Like, perhaps there's some insight you're missing, and it's almost there, you think maybe you're close to getting what the author is trying to portray, but you just can't make the connection necessary?

(Embarrassed nonny continued) You even reread to make sure you didn’t skip anything, but it’s like it just seems that something missing? Or that you’re the one missing something vital? So you go to the comments to see if anyone else is confused, but all you see are lovely, supportive compliments about how beautiful the story is (and it is), or how heartwrenching it is (usually so). But you seem to be the only one not getting it?

(Embarrassed nonny cont. again) Is it destructive to let the author know that I think a story is beautiful in it’s telling, but that I don’t quite understand it? I don’t want to offend the author, who has clearly worked very hard, and I appreciate them so much. But, I want to understand the story they’re telling, even if I’m the only one not getting it. If that even makes any sense. P.S.- thanks for always taking time to listen to fandom woes and fielding requests. You’re a champion! ❤

Hi Nonny!

First of all, there’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about! Stories are partly about authorial intent, and partly about reader interpretation; no two people will interpret a story the same, and no author SHOULD expect a reader to interpret their story exactly as the author intended. SHERLOCK is a perfect example of this (the writers SAY they meant it to be one thing and literally the ENTIRE FANDOM is divided on what’s actually being shown on screen), or if you want to be more classical, the works of Shakespeare as well.

In fact, Shakespeare is a perfect example of your problem: I love Shakespeare: it’s beautifully written, it sounds lovely to the ear, and it invokes imagery based on how someone interprets it. But I sure as heck have NO idea what I read until someone explained it to me, or how I SHOULD have interpreted it (which, is oxymoronic to my point, I know…). Only after I hear how someone else interpreted the work, I can then RE-READ a work and begin to understand what was meant by it, and then develop my own interpretations. 

I’ve read a few fics by a couple authors in this fandom where I LOVED their writing, but I had NO idea what was happening until I re-read the fics… it’s a reading comprehension thing with me, I’m sure (my brain tends to move a bit quicker than I can read and talk, and in turn it also tends to wander when my eyes aren’t going fast enough, LOL), but a lot of times, if I just read a fic a second time I can then grasp the words my brain omitted the first time and then really enjoy and love the fic. I hate that about me, but that’s how my brain works… Perhaps it may be the same with your brain? If a fic is well written and you enjoyed it but just had some comprehension issues, perhaps a second read-through will help you as it has done with me :)

So, now to answer your question: if after reading a fic, and you don’t understand it, is it okay to ask the authorial intent of the story? Unfortunately, there is no yes-or-no answer to this question, Lovely, as every author is different. Personally – and this is just for me speaking, and what I would do or what I would not mind if I were the author – I think it’s alright, so long as you are respectful to them! Dig around their user pages and you can often find ways to interact with the author outside of their fics, or information about whether or not they want to read criticism etc. on their stories. If an author doesn’t want any interaction, they’ll be very clear about it, but most authors have ways to get in touch with them, so to ME that’s a saying “hey, if you have any questions, here’s how to get a hold of me!”. 

If they have a Tumblr with asks turned on, you can even do it like you have done for me here; write exactly what you mentioned, just tweak a few things: Mention how much you love their prose and their storytelling, and you can really feel how much love they put into the story. You found it interesting, though you’re unclear on a few parts. Ask them kindly how they intended for an audience to read it. Many creators appreciate honesty when talking about their works, so just be honest and say that you didn’t understand something and wouldn’t mind a bit of clarification about something. They can’t fault you for not understanding something, and if they do, well… I find that rather ableist, in my opinion: That’s like telling someone with dyslexia to just stop mixing up letters, or someone who’s native language isn’t English to just learn one of the most complex languages in the world with so many structure rules that make no sense half the time…. *shrugs* It’s harsh of me to say, I am sorry about that, writers, but reading comprehension doesn’t come easily for everyone.

ANYWAY, back to my point: An author, so long as you are respectful (and maybe peppering in some compliments and praise never hurts either… a lot of us creative-types have praise kinks) and don’t throw a backhanded compliment (like don’t say: “Your work is so amazing! Though I think you should make it easier for people to understand it, your words are too complex”), they will be more than happy to write out their intent for the story. Let them know it’s YOU who’s not understanding (so, “I have trouble understanding this part” as opposed to “you should make this work easier to read for everyone”… make the onus on YOU). DON’T be demanding (like, don’t say something that can be interpreted as “it’s YOUR responsibility to cater to MY need to understand”), and be patient for a reply.

You can see why this isn’t an easy yes-or-no answer, LOL. 

Essentially, kindness begets kindness, and respect begets respect. And –  this isn’t an attack on you personally with regards to this ask, because I know my audience are adorably shy beans – it might be a show of good faith and intentions to stay off anon when you ask your question; it shows the author that you aren’t being malicious, just simply a smol bean who loves stories and want to learn more about theirs. BUT, it IS okay to stay on-anon if you are shy / worried about not the author but other people interpreting it the wrong way, just make sure you tailor your question to the author in a respectful way that it comes across as respect. Perhaps something like this:

Hi, [author]! I really love your story, [story title]! It’s well-written and I can really tell how much you love this story and how much soul you put into it. I just had a question for you with regards to [name concern here]. [state question here]. I have trouble sometimes with [reading comprehension, English/language, dyslexia, etc.], and I would love to know what your ideas and thought process was for [character, plot point, situation, etc.]. Understanding what the author intended really helps me enjoy the stories even more than I already did, and your thoughts would be really helpful for when I re-read your story! Thank you so much for your time, and thank you for blessing us with this beautiful story!

Or something like that, LOL. And if you genuinely aren’t a native-language speaker, let them know that it’s not your first language so you’re just honestly not grasping a colloquialism that’s common in English but not in, say, German. It’s more common than you think! I’ve had people ask me in private before about a phrase I’ve written or about how they should interpret a meta of mine; I’ve never taken insult upon it, and in fact I love helping people understand my work so that they can enjoy other peoples’ content in the future. 

As an additional thought I just had, I think a good example of fandom-understanding-authors is, actually, the @johnlockficclub; every couple months or so we read new stories, and then at the end of the story, we ask authors our questions about their intent of the stories, and in turn the author gets an interesting (I hope) insight into how various people interpreted their stories. Even during the live-chats leading up to the author q-and-a, we all see how we each interpreted certain sections of the chapters we read that week, and see various viewpoints we never considered. So I think that is a wonderful way to see authorial intent vs. reader interpretation, and as far as I know, all the authors we’ve “interviewed” loved just getting that kind of feedback for their stories. You should join in on at least the author interviews just to see how they go and give you some ideas on how an author will take feedback. It’s so fascinating to me!

Just a fun little anecdote that oftentimes, it is a positive experience for an author because most of them love to talk about their stories – their stories are their children, and they care deeply for them, because it’s a part of them, and it’s an expression of their love. They WANT you to understand and enjoy their work. It’s a cyclical thing: if you understand their children so you can love them too, then they will love their fanbase and will want to continue to write since they received feedback that was validating to them that they produce work that people enjoy and want to know more about. 

Finally, I’d love for some authors to weigh in on their thoughts about this; would you be offended if someone loved your story but would want your clarification on some things, or want to know how you intended for the audience to perceive it? Please let us know!

Sorry this answer was so long, but I hope it helps!

P.S. Aww, you’re far too kind, Nonny! me. XD

[anothershadeofpurple]

You're sort of an E-Celebrity. The meta that you and Alabama miles created was once mentioned in a tweet by T.V something. Do you sometimes worry about the influence you have on people's minds, given today's social climate, and the laziness of others? Do you get scared that people can bend, if they don't use their minds? Or do you not worry about that sort of thing because you feel like people should be responsible for their perception? How do you do this? How does shady do what she does?

Hey Anon,

I both think that people are responsible for their own perception and that I have a responsibility to present myself in a truthful way. Everything you ever read is colored by the perspective and the worldview of the author. Even something like Wikipedia with multiple authors will simply give you a truth based on the most prevalent worldview - or the publicly accepted worldview - at that point in time. Truth shifts with perspective. Critical thinking is something that develops. If you’re lucky you have people guiding you, if not, maybe you get burned before you get smart. That’s how we learn and it’s an evolving process for the rest of our lives. As a writer you cannot write for everyone. You can’t meet everyone at their level and you cannot choose your audience or what it uses your writing for. You can try to reach a specific audience, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be successful. If you publish anything on some level you have to accept that your words will be misunderstood, taken out of context and used to prove the opposite of what you’re trying to say. The alternative is silence.

I have a few things that I do that are ethical decisions connected to this. As I mentioned before, everything anyone ever writes is colored. What I try to do is to show you my goggles. Our goggles are made out of our social class, culture, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity… and just generally all of our life experiences. Imagine it as if I am wearing green goggles and I am describing you the world in green, because that’s how I see everything. What I try to do in order for people to read me critically is to pull back and also describe the frame of these green goggles from time to time on top of the reality I see. 

In practice, that means I will often use “I”-messages. “I think this…”, “I feel…”, “…at least that’s how I see it.”. It’s an invitation for people to be aware of subjectivity. It’s encouragement to ‘do as I do’ and not ‘as I say’. Analyze, think, feel for yourself. Sometimes I’ll include anecdotes and personal experiences, which serves to inform, but it also shows emotional involvement that again, might color my perspective. It’s something I consciously include. 

Dumb positivity is another way to be more objective. They are another description of the goggles. It means ‘in this post I am specifically looking at the queer subtext and the queer reading’. In every other case where the subtext in a tv show doesn’t specifically relate to homosexuality we could be sure that foreshadowing is really foreshadowing and that symbolism will become meaningful in text. The only reason we can’t be sure in the case of Once Upon a Time is because at some point in history queer subtext was divorced from main text to tell secret stories, cause it was the only thing we were allowed. Every story has subtext, it’s a general storytelling tool. We live in a strange time where it could be either. We’re starting to see more queer stories told openly and at the same time this historical storytelling device lives on and is still being used. Dumb positivity is about not having to repeat this awareness of history in every post. It’s about not reminding or focusing on the reason why we got here in the first place - discrimination and homophobia - but on the validity of our stories regardless of how they are told.

The other choice I make is to try and never shame people or be disrespectful toward people who have different opinions. Making people feel ashamed - for example by calling them stupid or naive - causes people to stop focusing on what is being said. Instead they will be digging in their personal history to defend who they are. Or they will stop talking to you or to anyone, but they won’t change their minds. I know when I am personally under attack the first reflex is emotional, it’s about self protection, so why would that be different for others? It seems counter-productive if what you’re after is a meaningful exchange of perspective.

Similarly, even if I get very negative messages I will still try and look at what they are saying and wonder if there is truth there, wonder if they have a point. I seek out other parts of the fandom and try to understand their point of view. I won’t always publicly address this, but it’s something I use to check myself. I try to face my shadow. Of course it is nice to be read, to get feedback, to have people ask you questions. To be po-pu-la-a-ar. Of course there is ego involved. I think the only thing you can do is to be aware of this and to try and correct yourself if you find out if it interferes with your being truthful.

Last but not least, I do take into account the context of where I am writing. Say I would have arrived in this fandom and I hadn’t seen anyone mentioning the possibility of queer baiting or criticize the problematic aspects of the show… I probably would have. Right now there is plenty of criticism and everyone is aware of the possibility of queer baiting. The information is there and I can’t imagine people who have been around for a while haven’t been exposed to all the different views and they are choosing what resonates with them. So it’s also a matter of this blog not happening in a vacuum.

The part that seems to confuse people most about my blog - or where some seem to think I’m lying for popularity or attention - is that I genuinely believe it is more likely than not that they’ll make the romantic subtext between Emma & Regina text eventually. I think anyone who has read, engaged with and understood OperationOUT completely, understands where I am coming from. However, many people are angry about the show - for good reason - so I am not actively going to invite people to invest their time and energy in reading about a show they hate just so they can understand me. What I can’t do is lie about my perceptions of the show just because it’s somehow perceived less shameful to be wrong when you were being cynical. I think I’d rather be fearless, truthful and wrong then.

Does that answer your questions?

PS: I have no knowledge of our meta ever being tweeted by… someone at TV something. Do you have a link? 

[fair-fae]

I know that someone lied about a suicide attempt, serious injury, and being in critical condition, and frankly, that's all I need to know. You're going to accuse me of calling out strangers (how could I and why would I???) when you are here trying to pass judgement on me when you don't follow me, have never spoken with me, and obviously know very little about the situation? You're telling me not to state my opinion on my own blog meanwhile you're here with your condescending, holier-than-thou attitude on my post trying to impose your own opinions (that you hypocritically don't even practice yourself) here on me?

I'm not "hiding" anything. I intentionally did not provide a name, links, or other identifying information because, believe it or not, everything in the world is not a "call out" and I did not want someone who is obviously mentally unwell getting hate from anyone who saw a single post and knew nothing else of the situation to be able to form their own opinion on the matter. I have stated this explicitly on another post I made on the subject; perhaps you'd know that if you practiced what you preach about knowing people and having evidence.

Orrrr maybe that wouldn't matter anyway since you're just here spewing made up nonsense to try to make me look bad and you look good. How is me reblogging a post my friend made about being frustrated with people not knowing rehashed mechanics me helping people who asked in dungeons and then making "snide remarks behind their back?" No one asked for help (that was kind of, you know, outright stated in the discussion of the post you're trying to sling mud about), me tamely venting about anonymous strangers on my own blog isn't "behind" anyone's back.

This post has not been reblogged for days, hence why I said it had been silent. Someone either linked it to you, or you went digging somewhere, and either way, you choosing to respond long after the fact is on no one but you, and is little help to the person you're trying to whiteknight who has been doing all they can to wipe any evidence of their lies.

Yes, that's right--evidence. There has been plenty of it. You not having seen it before posts were deleted or not having done your research and swooping in with the assumption that I'm as ignorant of how things have played out as you are is not my problem. Just because you haven't been privy to it doesn't mean no one else has.

Now spare yourself my vitriol and toxic attitude and fuck off, peace.

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