#maybe I don't idk I'd have to try it first
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
the-kingshound · 2 days ago
Note
I loved the update just because it exists. I loved the bit with the mounts (especially Arthur's trying to ground MC) but my tiny bit of concrit is the "I know you're a mage" convo feels...shoehorned? Like we get the panic attack and Arthur just says he doesn't think the same way as Uther and it's just...It feels (imo) that the Hound once more just accepts Arthur at face value again? I loved the rewrite making the Hound more wary of Arthur, and this kinda felt like a slip? Idk it just feels like there could be...more there. Or perhaps Arthur will try to revisit the topic? Cause like idk about you but if I was just told "I don't want to do anything to you buuuuuut people in my court might," I'd feel threatened and like...I wouldn't believe a single word prior to the "my court might" part. Cause like the Hound is a political prisoner, the nobles (Our sister in law is amazing) made that clear, so it's just another chain Arthur is adding, a little "Be careful love, you don't know what SOMEONE might do if they found out you're a mage :) :)", you know?
And as someone who played as a Hound who is absolutely dreading this marriage (they literally feel like a prisoner) that whole thing kinda felt as if that wasn't an option? Like for example, the walking into the church thingy you have: I feel better, I'm not alone, and the "I am strong and proud" options, but no real option for...just numb? I personally just headcanoned the Hound was disassociated to the point they won't remember the day at all. (I kinda hope we might just get to breakdown with our brothers, or idk alone in the dark)
Also I forget, but is this a game where we have to rack up romance points to lock in? Or one we choose the route? Because I honestly didn't feel that my Hound would want to talk to anyone during what is (to them) a celebration of their collaring/house's defeat.
BUUUUT I truly do hope you take this as constructive. You won't please all of us, and you shouldn't try to. I love that you gave us even this and you are incredibly strong and lovely for pushing through everything. If I am out of line, feel free to ignore or tell me off and I'll just smash my Hound into a better mold for the story lol. After all, it is your story, tell it how you want.
I would really like to give you a long response to your very helpful feedback, but I fear I am lacking the energy to do so. I just want you to know that I hear you, and in truth you make really good points.
1) yeah I do admit I was getting close to burnout with writing in this update, and that scene in particular might have suffered for it. I'll revise it, and hopefully try to not make the interaction feel so jarring. (Note: did you try to pick the more... aggressive option? It goes in a different way, maybe it is less weird?)
2) you are totally right on the options for the marriage - especially because you can play a very numb MC. I'll either edit or add that option. Ohh and the breakdown with the siblings is peak idea. I'm writing that down.
3) as for the romance points: this game is focused strongly on MC. You can choose the pace of the relationship your Hound develops, and for romance, you need to first have some platonic points with said RO. Platonic means in this case that MC wants to spend time with them, and doesn't have to go further than what will become a lifelong friendship.
You do have to pick at least an option to have platonic points with a RO, but you won't get locked out of anything in this game. Every choice shapes your personal Hound's story, this is not a game that punishes you, or that is focused solely on romance.
Thank you for sending this in! This kind of feedback, especially if worded clearly and kindly lik you did, can be so helpful and I love getting it even if it makes me pause and rethink some things.
65 notes · View notes
my-autism-adhd-blog · 1 day ago
Note
So I am AuDHD, and I work part time. (I should also mention I have a generalized anxiety disorder and depression if that helps for context.) I'm already 30 now but I still live with my parents. I don't have or make enough money to move out. I know that if I attempted to work a full time job I'd just be in constant shutdown or burnout, and even if I somehow managed to survive at a job for like a month or so it would all eventually come tumbling down. My dad says I either need to work full time or learn a skill that pays more (I guess going to college? But that costs money too). I just don't know what to do, I've been applying for government aid for years now and they keep saying no. I'm not sure if you or anyone has any words of reassurance or help for this kind of thing, but I figured if anyone would understand it's other people who are autistic/ADHD etc. Idk, thinking about it stresses me out and I feel like I'm trapped no matter what I try to do, like there's no good ending. Sorry for the long ask btw 😅
Hi there,
I would try to work part time first and see where that goes. If it doesn’t go well, you can always go back to school and try to see what skills you’re good at and then search for a job.
This is coming from a person who has never had a job, so I barely know things about employment.
Maybe some of my followers have some tips or advice?
I’m sorry if I couldn’t answer your question. But I appreciate the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️
39 notes · View notes
riongeee · 1 day ago
Note
I lowk want to make a Sebek time travel fix-it fic but I don't know what to do with it :'^( Do you have any specific troupes/scenarios you would like to see?
Dhdidifjfjdjdj
Okay so, in this situation it's very dependant on where he time travels from. See most peoples immediate assumption would be after an overblot went wrong and he died or something or after the overblots in general.
But imagine this, things do go wrong in Malleus' or Grimms overblot, I'm thinking Yuu dies, maybe the first years. Regardless, Sebek doesn't. He lives on with the regrets of what he could have done differently and becomes a jaded old man. His relationship with Malleus is never the same, he just can't look at him the same way.
So when he finally passes on and wakes up as his younger self, he's: old, jaded and almost reminiscent of Baul-Sebek, not the loud Sebek of the past. Just think about it.
On the flip side, if you wanted to take the other approach of him going back while he's still young, it has so much angst potential. Because all the events will be fresh in his mind and he just can't quite look at anyone without getting sick.
If it's a young enough time travel (before Nrc) he stops hanging out with Silver and throws himself into training. Or he begins to hang out with Silver more but almost like a bodyguard, trying to see where he can change the future.
As for other people, like the first years, I'd just like to say. Imagine being friends with someone and then suddenly they don't know you, have no recollection of the memories you've made, the conversations you've had. It would sting.
For the overblot gang, it would be difficult, because Sebek want them to avoid overblot but the Riddle before overblot is so strict and how would he even go about talking to Leona or Jamil??? (Sebek taking over Yuus job as unpaid therapist arc?(making friends with the upper years and becoming their honorary sibling arc??? Idk just some food for thought))
Something else interesting to consider is whether Sebek would stay in the same dorm. Rook changed dorms after first year after all, what's to say that a Sebek that has gone through so much wouldn't change too(what potential dorm, I'll leave for you to think about).
Anyways this is just some ideas to play around with, main point is that you should definitely write the fic😼😼😼
Sebek needs more fics dedicated to him, he's not appreciated enough :'(
Dkjddjdjdj, anyways excited to see what you do with these (you don't have to use any of these just some fun ideas that have been swimming in my head, but I hope you like em<3)
23 notes · View notes
realest-nilou-kinnie · 3 days ago
Text
every single time i'm reading anything about him, fan fiction or not, and someone describes him as lazy, i can't help but blurt out loud to myself, "he's not lazy" and sort of roll my eyes. It's in his character bio in the game for crying out loud: he doesn't see the point in trying anymore because every time he has ever tried in his life, he has been shot down and shown that nothing he does will ever matter.
self-indulgent elaboration under the cut
also, i would argue that it's about as clear as can be that he is "rude" on purpose to push people away...because he knows he was born in a silver spoon in his mouth and thinks he doesn't deserve people being nice to him. of COURSE he is snarky and snappy when he gets the chance, he WANTS people to stay away from him. He does NOT, however, want them to talk behind his back, i dont think. We know it hurts him. He doesn't want them to whisper that he's dangerous and he could probably kill everyone within a 50 foot radius with his UM at a moment's notice. Which is true. I think he's afraid of that possibility (and I believe in the novel it's described as being a volatile spell that other second princes have been effectively cursed with, and that he could accidentally kill people around him. That's why he grew up overhearing the palace servants whispering about the spell as if it was already a known UM.)
I know we don't know how he got his scar yet, other than it being something he clearly doesn't want to remember, but I can't help but wonder how he first "got" his UM. It isn't one he developed like Azul did, for example. He was born with that being the UM he would one day manifest. I definitely have ideas about how he got his scar and how it could relate to the advent of a Unique Magic like his, but I DO NOT think he killed or seriously hurt someone. I think the King's Roar spell has been popping up in previous generations of the Sunset Savanah royal family in second-born sons, and the people know it can lay waste to everything around the user. Even the things the user didn't touch or mean to affect start to turn to sand, like the air. Idk i just think his magic hasn't killed someone but I think he and everyone around him knows it could. From past experience, if you will. So maybe he showed signs of it being his UM and people FREAKED out as if he killed someone. That can be really damaging for a kid.
With this in mind, how could it be any clearer that he is trying to push people away? Now, allow me to be a blatant Leona Kisser on main (joke intended, that's my sideblog @leona-kingscholar-kisser LOL), but....HE'S NOT EVEN DOING THAT GOOD OF A JOB OF PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY. BECAUSE HE ISN'T A NATURAL AT IT!!!!! 😭😭😭😭 I'm not saying he craves connection, yet, because i haven't seen his part in book 7, but he definitely is not just meanspirited. He doesn't enjoy pushing people away, he feels that he has no choice in order to not hurt others. Isn't that the most selfless thing of all?
Knowing how he was treated as a child during his formative years, I'd say every glimpse of kindness and generosity and selflessness and passion for life he shows is indicative of someone who is all of those things even more so than it would be for someone who had no adverse childhood experiences. To me, the fact that he is all these things even in the face of the agony he must feel looking in the mirror every day means he is an even better person than someone who only does the right thing to earn praise and be celebrated. Character is doing the right thing even when no one is watching and all that.
I literally could write 50 paragraphs about him with MLA citations, but here is what i mainly wished to impress upon the part of twstblr whom i think are a wee bit confused about his characterization:
examples of Leona not being a massive sack of shit:
he pretends not to notice when Ruggie steals jewelry from him just about daily, but he doesn't outright give it to him because that would be too philanthropic for his image. He lets Ruggie think he's getting away with it. He doesn't want a "thank you" because he thinks he doesn't deserve it
he lets Ruggie bring his own laundry to be washed together with Leona's, while giving him his credit card to buy the nicest detergent and anything else he might want to buy at the Mystery Shop
the reason he doesn't wear his uniform jacket isn't because he just wants to break the dress code or make a statement, it's probably because he gave it to Ruggie. Hence why Ruggie's jacket is massive on him.
he skips his classes because he already knows everything they're teaching. he always shows up for tests, meaning he does keep track of when they are.
- personal note: he had all the NRC-level material drilled into him from a younger age than most as a prince. That level of focus on academics takes away time in your youth that you feel like your peers are spending having fun and having social lives. If i were him, going to classes where everyone around him got to learn something for the first time that he had been forced to memorize years ago would be really hard. It might be a reminder of how he had to grow up too soon. I personally relate a lot to being faced with the reality that every other student in your class didn't have the same amount of academic pressure put on them that you did and wanting to just curl up and cry at your desk. Being in classes where you already know everything or where other kids clearly have a lot less pressure on them can make you feel even more alone and hopeless and unloved than you already felt. it makes you grieve all the weeks and years of feeling like a workhorse instead of a child that you'll never get back. So i guess in that way I'm biased towards him and I completely support him skipping class :'3
he only got held back because of missed attendance. here are two important notes about that, in my opinion:
- firstly, he obviously doesn't want to go home. he also feels unenthusiastic about the 4th year internships even though he's going to take one in his home country and hopes to make some positive changes using his ideas. Still, he knows it will not come with the recognition and appreciation from his family he wants. Even if his ideas for oil mining fracking 🤮 bring great economic growth and can feed the children starving like Ruggie was, I doubt his older brother would see Leona for what he is or praise him as things stand now. hopefully that will come later in the story
- secondly, he wants to be held back and stay at NRC another year so his dorm can win the Spelldrive tournament against Diasomnia. He literally says that's the reason he is so desperate to for HIS TEAM (not him) to win that he puts himself in the position to be the bad guy and make the hard decisions he thinks he has to in Book 2! With the actual Spelldrive team, it's slightly different because Malleus isn't involved. It's interesting. In his Spelldrive Uniform home screen dialogues, he says winning is more important than doing your best... because he thinks his team wouldn't be happy with coming in second even knowing they did their best. I think he is blinded by self-hatred. I don't think what he seems to think is actually true. I think Epel and Jack and Ace and all the Savanaclaw members who bawled their eyes out when they thought he was turned into a Tsum are just happy to receive guidance from him. That makes him different from Azul or Kalim or Idia as housewardens, for example. They literally cry lollll. He knows all his Spelldrive players and they literally never shut the fuck up about how good of a coach he is and how attentive he is to their strengths and weaknesses. He doesn't even try to change them! He doesn't insult or belittle Epel when he wants to train to aim better, he literally just compliments how he is a great player in other ways and tells him not to change a thing. For no reason, bitch. He's such a fucking softie.
he buys us a drink in one of his chats, saying he "knows how to reward good service 😒". oh come on bro you're not fooling anyone, you probably weren't even thirsty anyway
he only went to Playful Land to keep an eye on the underclassmen because he's always like that. smfh
finally, if you pay close attention, he's really only rude to people who disrespect him first. OR to people who try to drag him into annoying shenanigans he doesn't want to be involved with. if someone did all that to me during a depressive episode i'd bite their head off, too -- which is every day because i have major clinical treatment-resistant depression and i feel like i know how he feels. i get where he's coming from :( and then they all STILL call him lazy. that is so fucking mean and hurtful. he is doing what he can. he's just sick. he is enough.
okay that's all i can think of right now i just really wanted to elaborate because AHHHHHHH. AAUUGHHHHH. EEEEEUEUUUUUUUUUUAUAG HE IS NOT LAZY AND HES NOT A DICK HE JUST HATES HIMSELF AND NONE OF IT IS HIS FAULT
and while i'm on the subject, Leona is actually NOT lazy or arrogant or selfish at all but some of yall are not ready for that conversation lol
#sorry i just had a very similar childhood to him and it affected me in a similar way especially in high school#i was told i was all these negative things by my abuser who felt guilty for abusing me as a child and it me feel like i was those things#so i began trying to make it true jsut in a desperate attempt to understand why they hated me#it's not an uncommon phenomenon unfortunately#just another form of self sabotage because you don't think you deserve to be loved or liked because of something someone else did#i think a lot of people can relate to him in that way#because a lot of parents will be like GRRR WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS to their children#meanwhile the child in question is just growing up#like my sister in christ that is called adolescence#but yeah definitely a lot of people grow up with that self hatred ingrained in them#and it has been observed in therapeutic settings that children will often seek to make those insults true#he was told he scares people around him just by existing#and sometimes the hardest thing of all is to cope with the fact that you as a child have done nothing wrong but some adults will just hate u#if he was faced with having to accept that he DIDNT actually deserve to be scorned or draw 4 cards#best believe he's drawing 4 cards baby#UNO reference on the fanfic blog#i have to wake up for a doctors appointment in like 4 hours#life is cruel don't they know i just want to sleep away every day of my life and never face the world#Leona and I BOTH be like...I've seen enough#naps are life#🧸.txt#twisted wonderland#leona kingscholar#character analysis#YAPPING#twst
17 notes · View notes
tj-crochets · 2 months ago
Text
Hey y'all what do you know about using yarn punch needles for rug making? I keep seeing them and I am intrigued
7 notes · View notes
reinedeslys-central · 7 months ago
Text
when it's been so long since you've read a fic that you forget about it and you find it in the search tags and start reading it again
and it's great, if a little familiar, but you've read a lot of these sorts of fics bc you like this tag a lot, so you assume it's nothing
but then the deja vu starts adding up and you start to wonder
and then moments before the great big Plot Twist Reveal happens you're suddenly like ah hell this is the bloody sundial fic again isn't it
smh this has to be the fourth time yet
#not that I don't love that fic bc I do#but also this is quite funny to me#have I made this post already? I don't remember#mdzs fic#time travel fix it#I love that tag#iceberg tags under see all#bc sm of the fandoms I'm in have such messed-up backstories that it works#it's funny. like for the media that doesn't have as dark backstories ttfi doesn't really make sense (although time loop might!!)#mdzs and st go perfectly with it as does hp (ew)#pjo not as much bc the big bad stuff (for the most part) happens much further down the line in canon than in the first few chapters#like. b99 and idk descendants of the sun or haikyuu wouldn't really work#ik it doesn't HAVE TO but I've also noticed this trend where ttfi is more common in fandoms where it's somehow plausible by the magic syste#haikyuu just does not have that magic system lol (for example)#whereas jjk? maybe. aot? probably not physically/magically but it's got such a messy timeline that at this point why not honestly#tbf the second time I read that fic I did get legitimately surprised by the plot twist#pjo#percy jackson#stranger things#atla? maybe. like it would be weird but still sorta plausible using spirit shenanigans#hp and mdzs by way of their 'hard' magic system side - wards/arrays and the like#pjo by the gods ig?? so kinda like atla with the deus ex machina and not exactly soft nor hard side of their magic systems#cinematic universes? depends but for the marvel ones it's plausible for studio ghibli idek man for kpop music videos sometimes.#not tagging hp lol#terfs dni#like literally if you've made it this far down my notes already if you're a TERF please just fuck off or block me or smth#anyway anyone know about monsta x?#they have time travel literally baked into their concept so I bet there's time travel fix it tropes over in that fandom#I don't really touch rpf these days so idk#if you have any good recs you can argue for I'd be willing to try them ig?
28 notes · View notes
thespacesay · 4 months ago
Text
brought to you by me hosting a friend for two days who grew up in the same cultural region, and tbh will not be invited again.
11 notes · View notes
moonchild-in-blue · 8 months ago
Text
Oh.
#according to facebook memories (why do i even have that still??) 12 years ago today i saw Linkin Park for the first time 🥺#in a few days it'll be 10 years since the last time i saw them#and. hm. there's a lot that surfaced this days since clancy dropped and i'm a bit more emotional / sensitive than usual#and this is. well. making me extremely sad.#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it#i wonder how 14 yo me would've reacted if she knew.#they were my first gig ever! i remember the 2nd song was given up and the people around us started moshing pretty hard.#so much that my shoe came off and my dad had to shield me while i crawled and looked for it hahaha#it was so fun! i didn't really know that was a thing#that day was the first time they played Lies Greed Misery - it had been released just the day before#my videos are SO blurry but i still have them all saved 🥹#idk i've been in some typa mood these past days. not necessarily bad at all but.#me and a couple friends had a very important conversation 2 nights ago which was GOOD but. the bad thing about letting everything bottle up#is that once you spill it's hard to deal with. and yeah this is. idk. i'm just venting here like. ignore me.#it's just really hard for me. i miss him terribly and i'm really scared for myself because i *know* i'm back in the loop#and it feels so hopeless sometimes. maybe this is super silly but i'm so thankful that Clancy came out now because OH BOY i need it#maybe it's not the best strategy to put so much faith? importance? in like. music and other people but#man. i genuinely don't know if i'd be here if not for certain songs/artists etc#idk I'm rambling lol. i might delete this later#probably. maybe. i try not to talk too much about this here because i tend to deal alone but. sometimes it's nice to send things to the void#anyways. support your favs. talk to your friends - even if you much rather not. don't be like me and let things rot inside.#🤍#darya talks to herself
17 notes · View notes
seventh-district · 3 months ago
Text
again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
11 notes · View notes
keeps-ache · 2 months ago
Text
buttered noodles 💫💛🍜
#just me hi#it's just a Lot of butter cuz i don't like having pasta sauce w/ parmesan (something wrong w/ that idk hfbshv) so :3#i was thinking of putting garlic in it but idk if that would be good... do i wanna take the risk.. i mean you can't really go wrong with#garlic... Hmmmm....#//oh yea i am definitely gonna switch up my main blog theme ehe :3#and maybe my rb blog's theme too cuz i liked it when the colours were matching lol#maaaybe to blue.. i don't remember if i've ever had a blue theme so this might be the first blue theme ehe :3#i just like to have an Image for the banner so i need to figure out what i'd like that to be.. hmnmnmnmnm!#//alright you know what i'm gonna put garlic in this one second lolll#okay i put black pepper and garlic in it's not too bad :)#prolly shoulda put more salt in too cuz i'm craving it. salt <3#/having spaghetti cuz the meal is actually supposed to be eggs and i cannot have that lol#some people are upset about this! like my dad. and my brother who is making the food lmfsh#i didn't know food was being made i am innocent in this !! probably anyway#like nobody is more displeased by this than me dude. i wish people could actually like. describe what some foods taste like so that i could#actually see why they like them#but you ask and they say 'what are you talking about? it's just egg' but 'Just Egg' SUCKS dude what is Your Egg like. pretty please kfshvjg#and grapefruit? grapefuit sucks but my mom likes it and i can't understand Why#and i wanna ask what it's actually like and why she likes it but she only says 'idk it's good with salt' what does that MEAN#how does the taste change?? how would you describe it before that ? clearly it was good enough before the salt or you wouldn't have tried i#with that!! i just wanna know !!!!!#dark chocolate ?? Please ??? do you like the taste of restrained anger and resentment cuz that's what it tastes like lmao ???#Coffee ??????? i can't understand coffee without a bajillion tons of sugar (+ other things) masking the taste how do you. Deal#not even deal- Enjoy !! how are you enjoying it !!! Why !!!! and why does everyone think i'm trying to convince them it's bad when i ask#LMAO--#like i'm not trying to say it's bad i'm trying to figure out how it's good please. Please Man lmfvshjfvhgfks#okay so clearly i have thoughts on all that LMfvshgjhfs#bitter stuff sucks and i barely like sour stuff Sometimes. food is all around good though so lol 👍#//alr i'm gonna. [starts scooching away]#i am almost out of tags (rip unlimited tags i miss you so bad hfsvh <3) edit: i ran out LMFVHS ; TOODLES !!
6 notes · View notes
the---hermit · 8 months ago
Text
I am going through a mild reading slump and of course my brain is trying to convince me to reread the lord of the rings
17 notes · View notes
peachykcqt · 26 days ago
Note
Want to respect boundaries first and foremost. Two questions. Are you into creampie/breeding kinks and is it ok to send you dirty sexy messages of things I would love to do with you and to you, of course within your boundaries? (:
😭 maybe this isnt how you intended for your message to come across, but this is like. the weirdest way to go about asking that. why are you on anon? do you even follow me? do i follow you? why not just dm me? was the goal to make me have to respond publicly? how am i supposed to know if i'm ok with you sending me "dirty sexy messages" if i don't even know a single thing abt you??? are you a minor? are you 85 years old? are you a cishet guy? sorry nonee, but im gonna pass :/
4 notes · View notes
talkorsomething · 7 months ago
Text
want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
4 notes · View notes
gentlethorns · 2 months ago
Text
you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?
#she bork#it's not even that i'm tired of fighting necessarily. clearly. if i was i wouldn't miss it. i think i miss being ABLE to fight. now i just#don't feel like i have the grit i used to have. i'm not sure if it's bc i'm healthier mentally or bc my energy has just dissipated over time#but i miss taking hit after hit (metaphorically) and wiping the blood from my lip and standing again and raising my fists. i don't do that#anymore. and again even if it's bc i'm healthier i'm not sure it's a good thing that that stubbornness and grit is gone. is it automatically#better to seek the path of least resistance? i'm not sure.#maybe it's learned helplessness? idk i mean logically one person can only suffer so much before they learn it's better not to fight or that#fighting isn't even always possible. but i've always struggled. i've always gone head-first into these things and white-knuckled it and made#it through even if only w self-violence (which was often remarked upon as self-discipline). now i feel like i just flounder and flop and cry#like a fish w a wailing voice on the dock as it loses its breath. i really do think it's partially bc i'm sane now but somewhere inside me#that crazy flame still dances. and ik that bc from time to time i still feel the heat against the sides of the glass. maybe it's a lack of#confidence. maybe it's that ik now that it's impossible to hate yourself into a different better shape (both physically and mentally). but#it was so exciting to try. if i'm miserable regardless i'd at least rather be having fun.#furthermore it could also be that my chaos is no longer external. a lot of what i have going on is internal/physical and it's a daily thing.#fighting daily is a lot harder than fighting through my shitty relationship or that one season of volleyball that destroyed me mentally lol#(ik that sounds ridiculous but it was pretty fucking bad). i'm no longer fighting against other people or external circumstances that i feel#a need to prove myself against. i'm fighting my own body which has proven a tougher match than anticipated. bc how can i? i live here. i#cannot will my body to function. i can swim against the currents of my illness and often do. but that's less glamorous than punching walls#and running for miles like i used to. i want to break a hand. i want to run three miles in half an hour. i want to doll myself up for a#dance and spend the whole night driving w the windows down strung out on a cocktail of cortisol and dopamine. i want to live in the eye of#the hurricane again. and i never will. and it's good but i think it's made me soft.
4 notes · View notes
luvsavos · 1 year ago
Text
random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently
#mar.txt#it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one#maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get#maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important.#maybe it's just the all-consuming,gaping hole of loneliness within me#idk.#i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it#feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction#a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro,but willing to be in a relationship provided the other#person isn't bothered by them being aro,bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings#i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the#only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of#actually caring#'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things#because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they#could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting)#and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends#the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to#me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance#i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad.#to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much.#i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's#most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love,yeah? ha.#maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships,#those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have.#anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the#burden of feeling such intense,suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly.#i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.
8 notes · View notes
moongothic · 4 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Quick round-up of a few small projects; Scarf. It is a scarf. Used the remaining silk/wool yarn I had left from when our yarn store closed, the yarn was really thin so I ended up holding it double and yeah, got a really cute, comfy Halloween-y scarf. Very happy to have it. I do regret making the stripes as thick as I did, like they look cute but between that and me making the scarf a smidge too wide, I ended up having to cut the scarf shorter than I would've liked because I didn't have enough yarn to make it any longer- at least not with evenly sized stripes. Like had they been thinner I could've repeated the pattern a little longer, but oh well, it is what it is. With the scrap yarn I just made this ugly little neck warmer, and yeah, it'll keep my neck warm indoors.
And then, using the scrap yarns from the bleeding heart sweater, made a very Crimbus-y beanie. Sidenote but I did actually pre-wash the fucking red yarn before knitting this, because I did not want a repeat of the dye bleeding incident. But yeah, it's a beanie. Again, held the yarn double this time and I'm glad I did because oh, it made the beanie so soft. It is so comfy y'all, I can not wait for December so I can wear it. I still have more of that red yarn left though. No clue what I'm doing with it.
#Moon posting#Yarncraft Diary#Yarnblr#Knitblr#Knitting#Why yes you ARE getting two crafting posts in one day today#Look if my neck gets even a little cold I will end up with a sore throat in an instant. But nothing I own has a high collar/turtleneck#And I don't want to wear scarfs indoors that's just inconvenient for me#So the little neckwarmer actually works fine for me#Hilariously I did actually run out of the white Malabrigo when doing the rim of the beanie#And I was just gonna leave it the way it was but once I was done and looked at it... I just needed a white pompom SO BADLY#The hat looked so sad and miserable without one#So while I was getting the plushie stuffing I did end up getting one ball of like some Drops wool/alpaca yarn (it was on discount too)#Just so I'd have something to make the pompom with because. Yeah I had no white yarn in my stash beyond some thin cotton yarns#Which do not work for making pompoms. (Trust me I tried and ended up wasting yarn) (Used it for plushie stuffing but still)#The natural white of the Drops matches the Malabrigo perfectly though so you literally wouldn't be able to tell it's a different yarn#Like maybe if you looked closely you might notice the rim is knit double (so the actual yarn there is thinner) but that's it#IDK I know what I want my next actual knitting project to be but my scrap yarns are haunting me and I wanna use them up first...#And it is nice to do smaller projects like these from time to time#But also yeah I'm getting tired of trying to figure out What The Fuck To Make with small quantities of yarn
3 notes · View notes