#maybe I don't idk I'd have to try it first
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joe-willow · 11 hours ago
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Why are people even writting with ai this is, this is like one of the most stupid thing ever. first of all, this isn't writting at all, this is just lazyness, and moreover disrespect to the art, whether We're writting à fanfiction or à book.
My philosophy teacher made me realize à lot of things about books/writting in general. My second thing is that writting is a Journey, yeah, even if you're writting some bl, romance or whatever, you will put your LIFE into that shit because it UOUR story it comes from your mind and you want it to be real to ksjmsbmsvl come to life to express yourself your idea you you your thing hour vision idk, and even if in the end you hate what you made you put in this increible efforts to make your textile sense and who knows, maybe someone will like it, or not, whatever, you made it you went through it. You did it you're done it you should be proud so I agree, people using ai to writte thing are WEAK. And for writting fanfics ?????? This is even worse. Yall using ai for this don't even know what are fanfics that's crazy
And lastly, unpopular opinion apparently, considering my classmates opinion on using ai, using ai for homework is STUPID. Like why would you do this. I understand that you can hate working for school/teachers and homework but like. Why. This is stupid. Just use your mind, you can come up with insane things yk. Just take some time I swear
And yeah some of you will tell me "oh but I had no time" YEAH FR ME TOO how many times do you think i gave homworks late ? Or not a all ? A LIT OF TIMES. yall need to assume that you didn't do your work and if you didn't have the tume, like, its ok ?????? I mean bro No need to use ai try something even if you only have one 1h left for an essay ig that giving your teacher something made by YOU even if It's hella rushes is better than using ai that will write the most boring shit ever + no sources + you just dont want to think + like oh my god yeah thinking is gonna hurt you + being able to think is literally what defines a human being
anyway, all this to say that ai SUCKS and isn't. And will never. Be a tool. Or a from of art. My ART TEACHER told me one day that I should try to use ai for my works as a tool. Do you understand to what we've cone to. What the hell is wrong with her. Does she consider art as something commercial or that must be done ? Art is you. It's none of the others business. ART IS YOU and I do not mean that you are art. And I don't think we can consider everything we create as art. You're not art. It's you will of creating something that expresses you, in any kind of way possible of what this could mean that will define your creations as art. Art is expressing. ai comes up with the most fifting things for your words, that's all. Ai can't do art. What it does is not art it's not a tool it's pure shit
If I went further, I'd say that no one is an artist (yeah even the people we consider as artists) and that at the same time evryone could possibly be an artist. Artist is not a job its not supposed to bring you money I'm losing my words and I'm really going off topic i already was off topic so much oh my god. Also random thought but art has no tools
Im maybe exaggerating a little bit. But ai sucks anyway. That's all.
no way ppl are using ai to write ao3. what happened to being a tortured writer. what happened to blood on the page. what happened to the ao3 curse. people used to get run over, have their houses burned down, break their entire spines and they still put in the work to finish a chapter. fuck you, using ai. y’all are weak
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shocked-collar · 2 days ago
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We’ve got Ren, we’ve got Law… Now could we get advice for writing Strade? Thank you in advance!!! Love your writing so much!!! :33 <3
YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY GONNA MAKE ME EXPLODE.
erm. cough. ung.
im actually not that. happy or confident in the way i write strade. idk what it is, so,,,, take this one with,, a LOT more than a grain of salt.
AGAIN, OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER, I'm not Gato and only she truly knows her characters and I am just throwing out my personal interpretation.
Strade, unlike Ren and Lawrence doesn't have many rules at all. In fact, he only has three, MAYBE four when I write him.
First one being that he's impulsive and does what he wants when he wants. It really is just that simple for him. He has preferences though, so that means he's predictable if you know him and therefore less terrifying. He can also be easily swayed into a different direction, but his mind can change just as quickly.
Second one is that he's very, very smart, but not intelligent. He's so incredibly egotistical and prideful that thinking of flaws in his system isn't even an idea to him. He would know this structure is flawless! He built it! Additionally, Strade's often too caught up in the moment to actually check on your restraints, but it's not exactly hard to miss them either. It's up to fate, essentially. This goes for your wounds as well! Good luck!
Third rule is dedicated to Strade's ego. He values his sense of self above all else. He'll do anything to anyone and will try pretty much anything once, unless it puts him in a submissive or small position. Embarrassment is a feeling that man can NOT stomach. It makes him flee as soon as he possibly can- though embarrassing him is not easy to do as his pride is stronger than a steel wall.
And I said MAYBE four rules because this one can be included in the first one, but- Strade acts on impulse. Whatever he wants he gets, and that is sometimes something kind. He can be kind. Absolutely not in large amounts and it's not common, but it can happen! Sometimes he gets fuzzy and feels his sad little captive needs a shower, or perhaps a sweet treat to raise those spirits. Aside from treating his captives, he's also a pretty sweet guy when out and about. Does favors for his neighbors because he has the skills and likes the validation. He also gets off on being a good person in the eyes of strangers because he knows that they don't know what happens at home.
It's all about moods. Strade doesn't have some secret dark-side, it's all the same dude. Like when I sit down to draw vs sit down to write, I'm still me, I'm just writing or drawing. This is his ideology. That being said, Strade likes to live as one whole unit when he has a captive unless he's in a specific mood to be a big bad guy. He'll come down and ask how you're feeling sometimes. He'll bring a plate just to sit with you and complain about his day, or fucking Janice from the store, thinking she gets ALL the baby-pink yarn. He doesn't even knit, he just knew she was hogging it all so he took a skein. You wanna skein of baby-pink yarn??? Boom, you have one now. I'd say he's a pretty decent guy when you don't have his target on your back, which makes it all so much sadder.
Furthermore, he almost never feels bad about his actions, but there is a single night perhaps once every year where he'll stare at his ceiling wondering if he can be fixed. It is very quickly snuffed out by his fucking NEED to defend himself TO himself, but the seed is planted there nonetheless. What's the point of living if you're not enjoying the gift of life? It's not a privilege, it's a right, and if you wasted yours by finding yourself in his basement, oh-fucking-well. That's on you.
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phelia-on-main · 3 days ago
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Aight, so the WxS stranded on a desert island event was cool and all, but I kinda want to write a more realistic scenario / really put them into a survival situation. Like, weeks to months on that island.
Shousuke starts off injured from the crash, the others have minor scratches and bruises and stuff. Emu sprains her ankle when she falls into the tunnel, and the others have to come up with a way to get her out. Tsukasa touches some poisonous plants and gets a rash. He also sees some really big bugs and almost had a panic attack. They can't get the bananas because Emu can barely stand. They try throwing rocks at the bananas, but can't get them down. Robo-Nene has to defend Shousuke from a flock of birds (probably seagulls, if they would actually be in that location). They have Robo-Nene identify the plants and berries they brought, and several of them turn out to be poisonous. They still have a decent amount of food for the first night.
They end up sunburned after the first day. Tsukasa's phone is dead, and Robo-Nene is at low battery. Shousuke passes out after spending the whole night trying to fix the radio. The next expedition is only Rui, Tsukasa, and Nene, since Emu and Shousuke aren't in good shape to enter the jungle.
A few days pass, and it dawns on the group they might not be found. Shousuke has the radio in a semi operational state, but through the static, they don't know if their calls are going through. They try not to lose hope, but they also finally construct an SOS sign.
Idk, maybe this is just an excuse for Wondasho whump. Maybe this is me procrastinating on other fics. But it is an idea I'd love to pursue at some point.
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forsakenwitchery · 2 days ago
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bts of these photos Aemond: ElvenDen Helaena by me
I know that gifs look weirdly cropped, that's because no one was looking how vids were recording, and it's a miracle some bts are salvageble at least as far as heads go. even without the necks. :c
still cute tho. and not-so-cute, the 2nd one will forever be whoa in gif or photo form for me.
My cosplay tags:
Photos, gifs, videos from costests/cos shoots/cons
Inprogresses (costumes, 3d printing etc)
since it's my blog and I can talk at length about anything, here's a story of how I came to ship Helaemond TL;DR: fanarts and actors. & my anti S2 / Condal & Hess musings again. Wasn't planning on venting, but TG treatment still makes me so mad that I can't do one without the other.
Okay so my friend kept telling me her friend looks a lot like Aemond. I've met him once before this costest at the elven photo planner & he really does, but I still wasn't fully prepared for how uncanny it will be in costest. 😹 It's uncanny to be point it's CRAZY especially as up close as in the gifs above. Y'all are not ready for the full cosplay.
ANYWAY. So I sort of started thinking who among HotD characters I could try putting together for a costest for this to make sense. Alicent was out of the question since I don't look like her at all, and with me tending to look younger than I am, it would have looked even weirder than in the show. Eventually, I was choosing between Hel and Alys. I didn't ship Helaemond at the time, and we had no stills of Alys back then, so Hel seemed like an easier choice, plus I had my Dany wig.
And then I realized people actually shipped them, and at first I was like, 'huh'? Since they barely had any scenes and whatnot. Not that the greens had a lot of scenes together even back then. I wasn't particularly in the fandom, too thank god, I wish I could unsee some TB's hot takes. ANYWAY. I genuinely wasn't planning for this costest to be shipping galore at first, because I didn't know this was even a thing. Then I started looking up the fanarts and started to see the appeal. xD No joke, it legit happened when I was looking for references in a span of a few days. Then I saw how Ewan and Phia were hyping them up for S2 and talking about them in S1, and I was fully on board... Only for S2 to turn out to be so underwelming and character assassinating for all the greens blacks too, I really liked Rhaenyra in S1 and it's insane how much of a nothing sandwich she is after S2. By the time we shot the costest right before S2 finale, I had so little hope we'll get anything. Or more like. I knew we still haven't seen the scenes Phia and Ewan were talking about, so I knew we were getting something, just probably something that will simultaneously shit on Aemond and the ship since TG can't have nice things or feel anything but disdain for one another per S2 aside from Alicent and Hel because they aren't male therefore can be nice to each other. And at that point, I was so invested that I'm in my delulu land now, surrounded by my plans to do Helaemond justice in the best way I can. With maybe some side plans to try gathering the whole TG to ya know. Annoy people who hate them even more. xD Jokes aside, I'd really love to do that, I'd love to at least shoot Targtower kids as, you know, not hating each other. Shippery or not, doesn't matter. I'd just really like to do some wholesome green things, but yeah atm we're just Hel, Aemond & Alicent, and tbh I don't think it's possible to find an Aegon over here. I tried reaching out to my friend in another city, but got more of a 'no', than 'yes' answer, so idk where to find Aegon unfortunately.
I might eventually do Alys since my face works for both Hel and Alys & I can pull off one hell of a bitchface I'm actually surprised how I somehow come off so soft as Hel, but I have a feeling the show will make her TB she practically already is, and since Aemond is the eViLeSt person to ever evil in Westeros per Condal & Hess aka the only character making sense amids ongoing war with magic medieval nukes ffs, and doesn't deserve good things... I don't see a universe in which Alysmond will be really inspiring, not fucked up from the get go. I don't trust them. At all. So like. Giant question mark there. Helaemond priority. Fuck this show. Like if I had the resources to, I'd honestly shoot a bunch of scenes, not just photos. Hell, I'd reshoot S2, TB included, lol. But my ass is broke and I'm doing both mine and Aemond's cosplays so. 🤷🏼‍♀️
'Cause not that they haven't fucked up Helaemond… Or Alicent's relationships with her sons... Every single relationship of the greens went down the drain so fast it's like. The. Fuck? No, seriously, it still enrages me Hel helped Daemon of all people?? And seemed to almost wish Aemond would just drop dead right there. ANYHOW yeah… Yeah. I legit have so many ideas. I love using props and all that, and with her needlework, love for bugs & her overall tragic story (plus the dreamer storyline on the show the show doesn't touch like AT ALL), I want to do so much!
TL;DR again: the fandom made me do it. Just like the fandom made me dislike TB a lot. Or more like, the loudest TB stans with double standarts and zero understanding of how Westeros and people in it should function. And that it's not real world and no one is 'coded' anything related to our world or politics (or at least they shouldn't be no matter how much Condal & Hess try to push contemporary problems into the show to pat themselves on the back).
I realize there are dubious people on both sides of the fandom, but really not even Condal & Hess can make people like or dislike characters as much as their stans can. Oh also, WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE EVEN SIDES. They literally pitted the fandom against each other, it's so sick and twisted and all sorts of fucked up.
Back to Condal & Hess, them trying to sink TG so much made me sympathize even with those on it I didn't care about at first, like Criston, and simultaniosly dislike the Saint-RhaeRhae side and it's vicious vocal part of the fanbase... I even liked Daemyra in S1, but after S2 I don't want to touch anything or anyone related to her with a ten-foot pole. Even tho I still like some characters on TB, they just ruined everyone. To some extent on both sides, but for TG I sort of want to do things in support of them and in spite of Condal & Hess. Thereas for TB... After S1 I was thinking of cosplaying Rhae, but LMAO NO. Just no.
Tagged this with all the anti tags I mention, so don't come at me, I don't have time, and do have a block list. You can argue with the wall or those who want to argue. If you can't disagree with someone & be civil about it, it's not my problem.
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tj-crochets · 4 months ago
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Hey y'all what do you know about using yarn punch needles for rug making? I keep seeing them and I am intrigued
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reinedeslys-central · 8 months ago
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when it's been so long since you've read a fic that you forget about it and you find it in the search tags and start reading it again
and it's great, if a little familiar, but you've read a lot of these sorts of fics bc you like this tag a lot, so you assume it's nothing
but then the deja vu starts adding up and you start to wonder
and then moments before the great big Plot Twist Reveal happens you're suddenly like ah hell this is the bloody sundial fic again isn't it
smh this has to be the fourth time yet
#not that I don't love that fic bc I do#but also this is quite funny to me#have I made this post already? I don't remember#mdzs fic#time travel fix it#I love that tag#iceberg tags under see all#bc sm of the fandoms I'm in have such messed-up backstories that it works#it's funny. like for the media that doesn't have as dark backstories ttfi doesn't really make sense (although time loop might!!)#mdzs and st go perfectly with it as does hp (ew)#pjo not as much bc the big bad stuff (for the most part) happens much further down the line in canon than in the first few chapters#like. b99 and idk descendants of the sun or haikyuu wouldn't really work#ik it doesn't HAVE TO but I've also noticed this trend where ttfi is more common in fandoms where it's somehow plausible by the magic syste#haikyuu just does not have that magic system lol (for example)#whereas jjk? maybe. aot? probably not physically/magically but it's got such a messy timeline that at this point why not honestly#tbf the second time I read that fic I did get legitimately surprised by the plot twist#pjo#percy jackson#stranger things#atla? maybe. like it would be weird but still sorta plausible using spirit shenanigans#hp and mdzs by way of their 'hard' magic system side - wards/arrays and the like#pjo by the gods ig?? so kinda like atla with the deus ex machina and not exactly soft nor hard side of their magic systems#cinematic universes? depends but for the marvel ones it's plausible for studio ghibli idek man for kpop music videos sometimes.#not tagging hp lol#terfs dni#like literally if you've made it this far down my notes already if you're a TERF please just fuck off or block me or smth#anyway anyone know about monsta x?#they have time travel literally baked into their concept so I bet there's time travel fix it tropes over in that fandom#I don't really touch rpf these days so idk#if you have any good recs you can argue for I'd be willing to try them ig?
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thespacesay · 6 months ago
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brought to you by me hosting a friend for two days who grew up in the same cultural region, and tbh will not be invited again.
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moonchild-in-blue · 9 months ago
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Oh.
#according to facebook memories (why do i even have that still??) 12 years ago today i saw Linkin Park for the first time 🥺#in a few days it'll be 10 years since the last time i saw them#and. hm. there's a lot that surfaced this days since clancy dropped and i'm a bit more emotional / sensitive than usual#and this is. well. making me extremely sad.#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it#i wonder how 14 yo me would've reacted if she knew.#they were my first gig ever! i remember the 2nd song was given up and the people around us started moshing pretty hard.#so much that my shoe came off and my dad had to shield me while i crawled and looked for it hahaha#it was so fun! i didn't really know that was a thing#that day was the first time they played Lies Greed Misery - it had been released just the day before#my videos are SO blurry but i still have them all saved 🥹#idk i've been in some typa mood these past days. not necessarily bad at all but.#me and a couple friends had a very important conversation 2 nights ago which was GOOD but. the bad thing about letting everything bottle up#is that once you spill it's hard to deal with. and yeah this is. idk. i'm just venting here like. ignore me.#it's just really hard for me. i miss him terribly and i'm really scared for myself because i *know* i'm back in the loop#and it feels so hopeless sometimes. maybe this is super silly but i'm so thankful that Clancy came out now because OH BOY i need it#maybe it's not the best strategy to put so much faith? importance? in like. music and other people but#man. i genuinely don't know if i'd be here if not for certain songs/artists etc#idk I'm rambling lol. i might delete this later#probably. maybe. i try not to talk too much about this here because i tend to deal alone but. sometimes it's nice to send things to the void#anyways. support your favs. talk to your friends - even if you much rather not. don't be like me and let things rot inside.#🤍#darya talks to herself
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seventh-district · 5 months ago
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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keeps-ache · 4 months ago
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buttered noodles 💫💛🍜
#just me hi#it's just a Lot of butter cuz i don't like having pasta sauce w/ parmesan (something wrong w/ that idk hfbshv) so :3#i was thinking of putting garlic in it but idk if that would be good... do i wanna take the risk.. i mean you can't really go wrong with#garlic... Hmmmm....#//oh yea i am definitely gonna switch up my main blog theme ehe :3#and maybe my rb blog's theme too cuz i liked it when the colours were matching lol#maaaybe to blue.. i don't remember if i've ever had a blue theme so this might be the first blue theme ehe :3#i just like to have an Image for the banner so i need to figure out what i'd like that to be.. hmnmnmnmnm!#//alright you know what i'm gonna put garlic in this one second lolll#okay i put black pepper and garlic in it's not too bad :)#prolly shoulda put more salt in too cuz i'm craving it. salt <3#/having spaghetti cuz the meal is actually supposed to be eggs and i cannot have that lol#some people are upset about this! like my dad. and my brother who is making the food lmfsh#i didn't know food was being made i am innocent in this !! probably anyway#like nobody is more displeased by this than me dude. i wish people could actually like. describe what some foods taste like so that i could#actually see why they like them#but you ask and they say 'what are you talking about? it's just egg' but 'Just Egg' SUCKS dude what is Your Egg like. pretty please kfshvjg#and grapefruit? grapefuit sucks but my mom likes it and i can't understand Why#and i wanna ask what it's actually like and why she likes it but she only says 'idk it's good with salt' what does that MEAN#how does the taste change?? how would you describe it before that ? clearly it was good enough before the salt or you wouldn't have tried i#with that!! i just wanna know !!!!!#dark chocolate ?? Please ??? do you like the taste of restrained anger and resentment cuz that's what it tastes like lmao ???#Coffee ??????? i can't understand coffee without a bajillion tons of sugar (+ other things) masking the taste how do you. Deal#not even deal- Enjoy !! how are you enjoying it !!! Why !!!! and why does everyone think i'm trying to convince them it's bad when i ask#LMAO--#like i'm not trying to say it's bad i'm trying to figure out how it's good please. Please Man lmfvshjfvhgfks#okay so clearly i have thoughts on all that LMfvshgjhfs#bitter stuff sucks and i barely like sour stuff Sometimes. food is all around good though so lol 👍#//alr i'm gonna. [starts scooching away]#i am almost out of tags (rip unlimited tags i miss you so bad hfsvh <3) edit: i ran out LMFVHS ; TOODLES !!
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kdranime · 11 days ago
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#single's inferno#tehwan is so fucking awkward like he's just standing there and I can feel the awkwardness through the screen it's like he's just so uncomf💀#aah poor minseol she's so cute🤣 youjin is so cute too#finally jeongsu is showing a side I'm actually liking with youjin lol I wasn't expecting this#also didn't expect to like junseo and sian so much agh but what about theo#I don't think dongho likes haelin he definitely likes arin#never thought I'd feel bad for jeonsu but his face after he saw sian leaning on junseo wow made me feel sad also why did sian come in first#minseollllllll my girl I was cheering for you lmao😭#also I was sure junseo only saw minseol as a younger sister but after he said she was on his mind during paradise and was shouting tips at#her during the game I'm like? maybe not? probably yes but maybe not? lol#I was right ofc junseo doesn't like minseol aaaaah poor girl and aaah whoaa I can't believe sian turned theo down#he's also sweet and kind why didn't she go for him instead of jeongsu😩#anyway if it's between junseo and jeongsu than I reaaaaaaaaaaaally hope it's junseo bc jeongsu and sian were so boring together#or maybe she will still choose theo in the end? lmao I don't think so but you never know#between theo and junseo I'm thorn between junseo and jeongsu JUNSEO PLEASE OH GOSH PLEASE#even if junseo just saw minseol as a cute younger friend I still liked their friendship#ah seriously you can't make men feel comfortable and be friendly cause they take you for granted#you have to make them feel NERVOUS taylor swift is a psyho but maybe she was right when she said men only want love if it's torture🤣#I'm joking..... partially..... sian still probably made him a little nervous and I think ppl are a little too extreme about junseo#he's rough but he even said he's gonna try to be more gentle to sian and he didn't give minseol fake hopes he was very straightforward#but still nice#now that it's just two episodes till the end I think there was no couple or contestant that I was super into this season#in season two I loved seulki and dex so much and season three there was hajeong and gwanhee even tho I hated gwanhee sometimes#season 1 I liked jia and her puppy (forgot his name lmao) but it wasn't that special same with theo and minseol#so theory going around is that taehwan only went on the show to promote his job... and honestly I know a lot of ppl probably do this but at#at least they fake well? lmao that's why he is so weird and was so desperate to go to paradise with jiyeon bc he HAD TO TALK ABOUT HIS JOB#also he couldn't connect with anyone and was acting like a mf robot#I love that everyone was enjoying him oh he's such a green flag but I was right about him all along dude seriously creeps me out Idk why bu#I have a sixth sense for these things
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the---hermit · 10 months ago
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I am going through a mild reading slump and of course my brain is trying to convince me to reread the lord of the rings
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peachykcqt · 2 months ago
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Want to respect boundaries first and foremost. Two questions. Are you into creampie/breeding kinks and is it ok to send you dirty sexy messages of things I would love to do with you and to you, of course within your boundaries? (:
😭 maybe this isnt how you intended for your message to come across, but this is like. the weirdest way to go about asking that. why are you on anon? do you even follow me? do i follow you? why not just dm me? was the goal to make me have to respond publicly? how am i supposed to know if i'm ok with you sending me "dirty sexy messages" if i don't even know a single thing abt you??? are you a minor? are you 85 years old? are you a cishet guy? sorry nonee, but im gonna pass :/
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talkorsomething · 8 months ago
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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gentlethorns · 4 months ago
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you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?
#she bork#it's not even that i'm tired of fighting necessarily. clearly. if i was i wouldn't miss it. i think i miss being ABLE to fight. now i just#don't feel like i have the grit i used to have. i'm not sure if it's bc i'm healthier mentally or bc my energy has just dissipated over time#but i miss taking hit after hit (metaphorically) and wiping the blood from my lip and standing again and raising my fists. i don't do that#anymore. and again even if it's bc i'm healthier i'm not sure it's a good thing that that stubbornness and grit is gone. is it automatically#better to seek the path of least resistance? i'm not sure.#maybe it's learned helplessness? idk i mean logically one person can only suffer so much before they learn it's better not to fight or that#fighting isn't even always possible. but i've always struggled. i've always gone head-first into these things and white-knuckled it and made#it through even if only w self-violence (which was often remarked upon as self-discipline). now i feel like i just flounder and flop and cry#like a fish w a wailing voice on the dock as it loses its breath. i really do think it's partially bc i'm sane now but somewhere inside me#that crazy flame still dances. and ik that bc from time to time i still feel the heat against the sides of the glass. maybe it's a lack of#confidence. maybe it's that ik now that it's impossible to hate yourself into a different better shape (both physically and mentally). but#it was so exciting to try. if i'm miserable regardless i'd at least rather be having fun.#furthermore it could also be that my chaos is no longer external. a lot of what i have going on is internal/physical and it's a daily thing.#fighting daily is a lot harder than fighting through my shitty relationship or that one season of volleyball that destroyed me mentally lol#(ik that sounds ridiculous but it was pretty fucking bad). i'm no longer fighting against other people or external circumstances that i feel#a need to prove myself against. i'm fighting my own body which has proven a tougher match than anticipated. bc how can i? i live here. i#cannot will my body to function. i can swim against the currents of my illness and often do. but that's less glamorous than punching walls#and running for miles like i used to. i want to break a hand. i want to run three miles in half an hour. i want to doll myself up for a#dance and spend the whole night driving w the windows down strung out on a cocktail of cortisol and dopamine. i want to live in the eye of#the hurricane again. and i never will. and it's good but i think it's made me soft.
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luvsavos · 1 year ago
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random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently
#mar.txt#it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one#maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get#maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important.#maybe it's just the all-consuming,gaping hole of loneliness within me#idk.#i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it#feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction#a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro,but willing to be in a relationship provided the other#person isn't bothered by them being aro,bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings#i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the#only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of#actually caring#'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things#because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they#could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting)#and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends#the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to#me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance#i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad.#to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much.#i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's#most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love,yeah? ha.#maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships,#those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have.#anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the#burden of feeling such intense,suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly.#i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.
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