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olicitymckono · 1 year ago

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Let Me Go

Hi guys. Have a new Charles Leclerc story up. I hope you enjoy it. All mistakes are my own. I prefer longer stories but if you prefer separate parts then let me know ☺️

Trigger warning for mention of SA.

LET ME GO

Being in love with your brother’s best friend is not always the ideal scenario. A scenario Y/N Fontaine only knew too well. Her brother Riley was best friends with Charles Leclerc having lived next door to the Leclerc family their whole lives. Y/N was about two years younger then the boys and was extremely close to her brother and to Charles, but she knew that he only saw her as a little sister. Riley and Charles were both charming, sweet guys and plenty of girls threw themselves at the two guys. Y/N loved spending time at the track with the two as Charles raced around and Riley tinkered with the karts. As they got older Y/Ns crush on the Leclerc boy only grew but she never told anyone about her feelings except one, her best friend Chloe Dupont. She had been the one to keep Y/n realistic about Charles and her feelings for the boy. She had shown y/n that the future F1 star only cared about her in a platonic way and as far as y/n was concerned that was good enough for her.

Bounding down the stairs of her house y/n was excited as she was on her way to spend the day with her best friends. She stopped as she past the living room on her way to the door when her brother called her name. “Hey guys,” she smiled. Riley, Charles and their other two friends Pierre Gasly and Dean Monet were seated around the long table clearly in the middle of something important.

Pierre got up and crossed the room to give her a hug. “Hey Petal.”

Hugging him back tightly y/n chuckled at the nickname. “Hey Gasly.” She noticed Charles was looking at her and she felt her cheeks grow warm but she simply smile at him before turning to her brother. “What’s up Ry?”

“Where you off to?”

“We have to finish planning for the school dance. Its only a few weeks away.”

Dean shifted in his chair, “You have a date yet?”

All the guys turned to look at the young Frenchman except Charles. He kept his eyes on her.

Riley raised an eyebrow at his friend who just shrugged his shoulders.

“Umm I have to go or I’ll be late. But I’ll see you later.” y/n moved over to her brother and kissed his cheek. Pierre had gone back to his chair but as he passed her he tapped his cheek. She rolled her eyes before kissing his as well. She looked at Charles who too tap his cheek, she quickly walked over and repeated the action. It did not go unnoticed though that y/n had not done the same with Dean. Maybe it was simply the fact that he had embarrassed her but the reality was that he creeped her out. Ever since she had turned 17 a year ago, the older blond boy had begun paying too much attention to her and not in a good way. He had even tried to kiss her in the bathroom at Riley’s 18th birthday party, something she had never told any of the other guys. With a final goodbye she left the boys to work on whatever it was they were doing.

The girls were currently sitting in Chloe’s room papers laying everywhere. Planning a dance was a lot harder then they had anticipated but it was fun. Y/n and another girl were talking about some designs and Chloe had gone off to the bathroom when the latter’s phone buzzed next to them on the bed. Y/n glanced quickly before taking a second longer look. Why was Charles sending her friend messages. She grabbed the phone and read the message that was opened on the lock screen.

“Gonna be a little late in picking u up 2morrow.”

Confused y/n opened her friend’s phone as they knew each others passcodes. She clicked on the chat between Chloe and Charles, realising that the two of them were an item. She looked up as Chloe entered the room. The other girl saw the look on her friend’s face and the phone in her hand. “Y/n,” she started but was interrupted.

“How long?”

“A month.”

Y/n nodded getting up and grabbing her things.

“Where are you going?” Chloe demanded.

“What’s going on?” Abigail asked looking between the two.

Y/n ignored the girl, just looking at her friend. “You’ve been seeing each other for a month but how long have you been hiding your feelings from me? Have you been laughing behind my back about my “stupid little crush.”

“Its not like that.”

“Oh really?” she asked hands on hips. “Tell me them Chloe how is it?”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “You want the truth? Fine! Do you really think that a guy like Charles would ever be interested in you? You’re a nerd, you’re on the plumper side and he’s your brother’s best friend. If he wanted you he would have made a move already and not fallen for me. You’re out of his league y/n. It’s time you realise that.”

“Well at least I realised now what kind of friend you really are.” y/n threw her bag onto her shoulder and headed for the door. “Good luck Abbey.”

As soon as she got home she could hear the boys in the lounge watching something on the TV. She quickly and quietly made her way upstairs so as not to face them. But as she reach her bedroom door, the last person she wanted to see came out the bathroom.

“Hey.”

“Hi Charles,” she responded quickly without looking at him and opened her door, quickly closing it behind her and climbing on her bed, wrapping her arms around her legs.

There was a gentle knock before the door opened. “Cherie?” He walked inside and gentle closed the door behind him. Seeing how she was sitting concerned him, so he made his way over and sat down next to her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.” She kept her head down so he wouldn’t see that she had been crying.

“Look at me, please?”

She shook her head, “I’m fine Charles. Can you please just go?”

He reached out his hand and tried to lift her chin, “Please tell me what’s wrong.” She looked up at him and tried to give him a smile in hopes it would convince him but he could see that she had been crying. He pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. “Why have you been crying?”

“It’s nothing just something stupid.”

“Cherie..” he began but she pulled a way and stood up.

“I’m ok Charles, you don’t have to worry about me,” she wiped her eyes trying to get ride of the evidence of her tears

He stood up and walked closer to her placing his hand against her cheek. “I’m always going to worry about you. I care about you.”

“I’ll be ok. You should get back to the others before they come looking for you.”

He tilted his head slightly and gave her a piercing look that made her drop her eyes. She stepped away from him, going to her desk and opening her laptop before sitting down.

Charles sighed, knowing her well enough he knew she wasn’t going to tell him. He was just going to have to give her time, but he was determined to find out what going on. “You know I’m here.” She nodded. “Ok.”

She heard him leave and only once the door had closed did she allow herself to breakdown again.

For the next several weeks Charles couldn’t help but notice that she was different. None of the others noticed but he did. She seemed to almost be avoiding him but when he asked Riley why she was never around he simply replied that she was busy with finals and college applications. He knew it wasn’t that though, it was something else but he knew with summer coming up he would have time with her. Both their families had planned a vacation together in Corsica and he knew that if she was on a boat in the middle of the sea, she wouldn’t be able to run away. However unbeknownst to Charles y/n was about to change the plans.

One afternoon after school y/n visited her mother and Pascale at the hair salon, excitement in her eyes.

“What has got you looking so happy my love?” Amelie Fontaine asked her daughter.

The young girl reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope. “Maman look at this.”

Amelie put down the hairdryer she had in her hand and took the envelope. She took out the papers and read through the documents. She looked back at her daughter once she was finished. “Egypt? For the summer?”

Y/n nodded. “Professor Shuzman will be chaperoning with a few other teachers. Maman it’s an amazing opportunity. Can you image all the historical things they might found?”

She saw the look on her daughter’s eyes, “ You really want to go?” y/n nodded. “What about our vacation? Riley and Charles head back to racing after. It really is the only free time they get.”

“I know Maman but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Its a historical dig that they are inviting the most promising students to join. This will add to my college applications. And it’s only for three weeks. I join you guys for the last week.”

“I don’t know y/n.”

“Please Maman?”

Finally Amelie agreed. How could she deny her daughter when she was so excited. Y/n screeched in happiness before throwing her arms around her mother.

“However, you are telling your brother.”

“Thank you Maman,” she replied nodded her head.

A few weeks later summer was just starting and y/n was busy doing some last minute packing. It felt a bit weird that she and her family were leaving but were going opposite ways. Them to Corsica and her to Egypt. Riley had been a bit sad when she had told him but was extremely proud of his little sister who also had graduated top of her grade and would be starting University soon. Charles on the other hand was not happy she wasn’t going to be there. He had been looking forward to spending time with her especially since she had been so distant. But there really wasn’t much he could do about it. He decided to invite Chloe to join and she had been more than happy to accept. He had noticed that the two girls no longer spoke and he figured that maybe he could get some answers from his girlfriend. As far as he was concerned though, this was going to be a long summer, too long without her.

Cairo was more amazing then she had imagined. So much history right at her fingertips. The three weeks had flown by far too quickly for her and she was sad to be leaving. Another reason was named Chris. He was an American student who also happened to be the son of the man in charge of the dig. He and Y/n had gotten pretty close over the three weeks. He was charming and funny and not to mention attractive. But what drew him to y/n was his passion for history, much like herself.

“Hey y/n.”

She was currently sitting at a coffee shop in the airport while she waited for her flight. She looked up from her book and found herself looking at the very man she had been thinking of, “Hey Chris.”

“May I?” he indicated to the chair next to her. She nodded. “What times your flight?”

She looked at her watch, “About an hour.”

“I can’t believe that you’re already going home. It’s not going to be the same without you here.”

“I wish I could stay but Uni starts soon and I know if I don’t spend some of the holiday with my family they will kill me.”

He chuckled, “Its nice having a family that’s so close.” She nodded. “Can I...I mean do you think I could maybe come visit you?”

She smiled brightly, “I’d really like that.”

She stood at the marina waiting for her brother to pick her up so she could join the family on board Charles’ boat but as she saw the little speedboat approaching the dock, she noticed that it wasn’t Riley at the wheel but Charles. She felt her heart skip a beat at the site of the brunette racer. She had hoped that by being away from him would have magically changed her feelings but she was wrong. On the boat the young man was also feeling something different. As he saw her standing there in a knee length yellow sundress, Charles realised just how much he had missed her. Chloe had only been able to spend the first week with them but even then he hadn’t really enjoyed the company, his mind always thinking about the beautiful girl in front of him. He smiled at her as he pulled the boat to a stop. He reached out his hand and grabbed hers lightly, helping her onto the boat.

“Thanks.”

He hugged her tightly and kissed her head lightly. “ Hi Cherie.”

She returned the hug feeling like this is where she belonged but made sure to not hold on too long. “Hi. Where’s Ry?”

“I volunteered to come fetch you,” he waited for her to sit before starting the boat.

“Why?” she cocked her head.

“I missed you.”

That simple statement sent butterflies erupting in her belly. But she knew not to take it to serious. He meant he missed his friend. “How’s Chloe?”

He shrugged. “Okay I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Haven’t really seen or spoken to her since she went back to Monaco.”

She nodded.

They chatted for awhile about Egypt and everything she had gotten up to. He could listen to her for hours. The way her face would light up when she’d talk about anything she was passionate about, made him smile. Soon the sun was starting to set and they had a little bit further to go when he had an idea. “Do you want to drive for a bit?”

She looked up at him in surprise. “Last time anyone let me drive I almost ended up on the deck of some Americans yacht.”

He chuckled. “Nothing but open water for a bit. Besides I’m right here.”

Biting her lip softly she thought for a minute before nodding her head. She got up and moves closer to the wheel. He stepped back and allowed her to grab the wheel while he stood close behind. He placed his hands over hers on the wheel and she felt her skin burn. She gulped. “Nice and easy Cherie.”

She could feel his breath against her skin and Goosebumps erupted. It felt like time had stopped, his body pressed against her back. Charles was feeling the sparks too. Her skin under his hands, the temptation to run his fingers along her skin, to press his lips against her exposed neck, her perfume intoxicating. He felt himself leaning closer, lips hovering above the skin when he felt her pull away. “You should take over.”

He watched her walk back over and sit down, not looking at him but he could see her cheeks were flushed. They rode in silence for the remainder of the trip and as soon as they got to his boat she was gone in a flash. She didn’t even wait for him to help her off, afraid of what she felt for him. He sighed watching her drift away from him into her mother’s arms.

A Few weeks later

The first few races of the session had not been what Charles had been hoping for. For some reason he had thought that maybe just maybe Ferrari had got over their shit show of a year and making progress. Boy was he wrong. The strategies were even worse than before and both he and Carlos were struggling. Not to mention that he and Chloe had broken up and fans were abuzz with the news that just a few days after breaking up with the girl he had started to hang out with another of their friends Charlotte. She was a nice girl and they had alot of fun. But one thing that didn’t sit well with him was the fact that y/n had become even more distant from him. She had seemed hurt when he and Charlotte got close but tried hard not to show it.

Speaking of the young girl she had been hurt when he had started seeing Charlotte but not surprised. Chloe had been right when she said that he would never see her as anything other then he’s best friends sister. So she did what she had to, focused on school and had made a decision to go out with guys who actually wanted to be around her. It was currently a non race week and even though she had been hoping to spend some time with her big brother, Riley had to go off to the Red bull factory with Max. As his race engineer Max respected and highly trusted Riley’s opinion. So y/n had decided to head home after class, order some pizza and enjoy her favourite movie. She had just gotten to her apartment and had taken off her shoes when she heard a knock at her door. As soon as she opened it she knew she had made a mistake. He shouldn’t be here, in fact she wasn’t even sure how he knew where she lived. She tried to close the door but he was stronger then her, forcing his way in he slammed the door behind him. Before she had a chance to cry for help he struck her across the face. She tried to run to her room, she could lock herself in and call the police but he grabbed her from behind, placing his hand over her mouth. “Not a sound, or it’s gonna hurt a lot more.” He shoved her to the bedroom and pushed her hard on the bed. She tried to fight him but he hit her again hard enough to taste blood. He reached under her dress and ripped off her underwear before shoving it in her mouth. He pulled off his belt and climbed on top of her grabbing her hands together and tying it together with the belt. She didn’t want to give up but he was so much stronger than her, feeling the tears rolling down her face as he ripped open her dress from the top y/n couldn’t stop the inevitable from happening as he forced himself on her.

As soon as he was done he got off her and pulled up his jeans. He leaned over her and undid the belt before putting it back on. Her face was covered in blood and bruises were starting to form. He leaned down again grabbing her chin forcefully and kissed her, she had no energy to pull away but once he released her chin she turned herself over away from him. “Tell anyone and I’ll make it a regular thing.” And then he left. He left her laying there on the bed, broken. It hurt when she moved but she forced herself to get up. She gingerly made her way to the closet and grabbed the longest jacket she had and pulled it on. As easily as she could she made her way down to the garage, thankfully not running in to anyone and found her car.

“Miss Fontaine are you sure there is no one we can call?” a young nurse asked as the doctor examined her. She had made her way to the hospital and was now been questioned by both the hospital staff and the police. She told them everything, everything except who had attacked her. She felt humiliated and violated, just wanting it to be over but more than anything she didn’t want anyone to know especially her family.

Dr Wiseman stood up, she was an older lady about her mom’s age and she had a sympathetic look on her face. “Y/n I’ve got all the evidence I need and will make sure the detectives get it. Katie over here can help you take a shower now if you want?” Y/n shook her head. “Ok. Katie,” she turned to the nurse. “Can you get some clean scrubs for y/n to change into?”

“Sure.”

“Also please ask the detective to come on in.”

She nodded before heading for the door.

“Can I use the bathroom?”

“Of course. Let me help you up “ the older woman took her hand and gently pulled her up.

While y/n was in the bathroom the girl’s phone started ringing. The Dr ignored it the first time it rang but when Katie returned with the clean scrubs the phone rang again and this time Katie answered.

“Hello?”

“Hello?” the man’s voice sounded hesitant. “Im looking for y/n?”

“She is currently with the Doctor but who can say called?”

“Doctor? What happened? Is she ok?”

“I’m really sorry but I can’t share information but I can get her to call you when she is done.”

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there soon.” The man didn’t wait to hear anything before he put down the phone.

Y/n came out the bathroom and sat back down on the bed. “Can I go home now?”

“We need to wait for the Dr to come back. And I know that the police have a few more questions. But soon.”

Several more minutes passed before the Dr returned, by then the police had finished up with her and had promised to keep her updated on their progress, she had just nodded, numbness setting in. As the Dr was talking to her Charles burst through the door. “Cherie.”

“Excuse me sir but you can’t just walk in here, no matter how famous you are.”

“I’m sorry Doctor but she’s family.” He didn’t take his eyes off her and walked closer.

“What are you doing here? Better yet how did you know I was here?” y/n asked. She didn’t want him there, she didn’t want anyone there.

“I called you. Someone said you were with a doctor and this is the only hospital around.”

“Would you like him to leave?” Dr Wiseman asked her.

“Its ok. I just want to go home.”

“Well I really would prefer you to stay over night. You are going to be in some pain. And I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I’ll be ok.”

“She’s going to stay with me.” Charles replied at the same time.

Y/n looked up at him, “I’ll be fine.”

“No arguments. I’ll look after her Dr.”

Dr Wiseman looked between the two before settling her eyes on the young girl. “Its your choice.”

“Its fine.”

“Okay, I’ll get the discharge papers and your medication. Mr Leclerc may I have a word outside please?”

“Ok.”

She waited till they were outside the door before speaking. “I can’t share with you what has happened I’m sure you can understand. She has been through something traumatic and I really don’t want her alone but she might not be ready to talk or want to be touched. So don’t force the issue. Just get her to relax.”

“You don’t have to worry Dr. I’ll take care of her.”

She nodded, “I’ll be back. Oh and Mr Leclerc?”

“Yes?”

“As much as she wants to go home, it might not be the best place right now.”

“Understood.”

The drive back to his apartment was silent, he had an idea of what had happened to her and it made his blood boil. The idea of someone touching her without her permission made him see red. He hat d seeing her like this so small and fragile. But he heard what the doctor had said and didn’t ask anything. He would wait for her. As he pulled up to his apartment she finally spoke. “Why are we here?”

He parked the car and turned off the engine before turning to her, “I told you, you’re staying with me.”

“I want to go home Charles.”

“Cherie, is that really where you want to be right now?”

She took a deep breathe before shaking her head, “No. He was there.”

He slowly reached out a hand so as not to scare her. “You’re safe here.”

“I know.” She pulled her hand away and climbed out the car. Once they had reached his apartment, she asked if she could take a shower. He grabbed one of his hoodies and a pair of track pants for her to wear when she got out. While she was on there he ordered some food and her favourite ice cream. He had just put down the phone when he heard it. He raced towards the bathroom and opened the door. She was sitting in the shower knees up to her chest, crying loud, heart-breaking tears as the hot water ran down on her. Without a second thought he opened the door switched off the water and pulled her into his arms. Right now neither cared nor noticed that she was naked as she buried her face into his chest and let the tears fall. “Please don’t tell them. Please don’t tell anyone.” She begged.

“Its ok Cherie, I won’t tell anyone. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. No one will ever hurt you again.”

After getting her and himself dried up, he had helped her get dress and for the first time saw the bruises. If he got his hands on the bastard that had done this, he was going to kill him. They ate dinner together and they were sitting in the lounge watching a movie when he felt her head slide down. He looked over at her and saw that she had fallen asleep. He grabbed a blanket from top of the sofa and shifted slightly so that her head was on his lap. He threw the blanket over her and gentle started stroking her head. He heard his phone ping and picked it up.

“Hey Cha. Do you want to come over?”

It was Charlotte and he knew his answer right away. There was no way he was going to leave the side of the girl who was currently using his lap as a pillow.

“I can’t. Maybe another time.”

It had been several days since the incident, Charles had pretty much taken care of her, taking her to her apartment to get some clean clothes but he wouldn’t let her stay there. He had gradually gotten her to open up and tell him what had happened but she never said who it was. There was a part of him that thought she knew who her attacker was but he never pressed too much. Neither did he press her to tell her brother when he had called a few days ago. Charles had to leave for the French grand Prix and he had convinced her to come with him. He believed it would do her some good and with her currently doing classes online it was a win win. He got to have her close by and she got out of the city. Riley had been happy to hear she was coming if not a bit confused as to why his sister and best friend were spending so much time together without him. Charlotte too had not been thrilled with the Monégasque as he was spending less and less time with her, something y/n brought up on the jet.

“I don’t know y/n. I guess it’s still new and I’m still easing into the relationship.”

“Please tell me it’s not because of me.”

He chuckled, “I like spending time with you. But no that isn’t the reason.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m a big girl. Can’t hide away for ever.”

“I know, believe me. I like having you close though.”

Those words made her stomach flip but she didn’t harp on it. “You should have brought Charlotte with you.”

“And I would have if I wanted too. Truth?”

“Please.”

“She is a bit of a distraction out there.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t mean in a sexual way. I just mean that she wants the spotlight on her and it’s distracting when I’m trying to focus on the car and the race while she’s making us do photos and things. You always let me vent and go through things with me, even though Riley is on the opposite team.”

“She shrugged, “I like talking stats with you and the cars. You know I love Formula 1 almost as much as you and Ry.”

“Exactly. Sometimes I feel like Charlotte is only with me for the fame. She never showed much interest before I joined Ferrari.”

“Maybe she’s still trying to navigate things herself. It cant be easy having all your fans constantly commenting on everything she does.”

“My fans aren’t that bad. They love you.”

“Because I’m not competition.” He cocked his brow so she continued. “Even though they might not actually have a chance with you, many fans still think they could.”

“Why would you think you’re not competition?”

She shook her head, “Point is maybe just give her some time.”

“Don’t avoid the question.”

She simply gave him a small smile and placed her earphones on her head, shutting him out.

As soon as they had landed in France y/n had been engulfed by the drivers. It had been a while since she had last seen them and most if not all the drivers loved her. Max had quickly swept her away after media day much to Charles’ dismay. Seeing her laughing and so carefree was both a blessing and a curse to him. He was happy she was starting to move on from the rape but he didn’t like that she was so close to Max or any either guy for that matter. Even though he knew he had no right, he had Charlotte after all. A few of them were currently chatting outside the garage when Charles noticed the change in y/n. She suddenly got really quiet and he noticed that she started fidgeting with her fingers, something she had done at the hospital. But it was her eyes that spoke volumes, she looked scared. The look only intensified as his friend Dean Monet approached. She shuffled closer to him, something she had done unconsciously. But that was when things clicked into place.

“Hey guys,” Dean greeted, his eyes landing on y/n.

It happened in a split second, Charles without hesitation drew his hand back and punched Dean hard in the face. Both Mac and Riley grabbed Charles holding him back as he tried to lunge forward. All he knew was that he had to make sure Dean hurt.

“Charles, come on man! What’s gotten into you?” Riley pleaded with his friend.

“Let me go!”

“Not till you calm down.”

Pierre was trying to help Dean who now had what looked like a broken nose.

A couple of guys came out the garage at the commotion. Several more guys had to try and hold Charles back as he broke free from Max and Riley and went for the other guy again.

“Charles!” It was only the sound of her voice that made him stop. He looked at her and saw that she was crying.

“I want him arrested!”

“Arrested? For what?” Riley asked.

Charles didn’t answer, he had promised her but he didn’t need to say anything because she did. “He raped me.”

Riley slowly turned to his sister, “What?”

Pierre stepped away from Dean fist clenched. Max told one of the mechanics to get security.

“I’m sorry Ry. I didn’t want to tell you.”

Dean stared at her blood running down his nose. “She’s lying.”

“Really?” Charles made a move towards him but she placed a hand on his arm stopping him. “Wanna explain the bruises and the hospital report?”

“She wanted it. Liked it rough.”

“You bastard.”

This time it was the mechanics who had to hold back the drivers as Riley, Pierre and Max tried to climb into the guy. But thankfully security showed up and took Dean inside to wait for the police.

“We should go inside, you can use my driver room, its closest.” Max offered. Riley nodded before waiting for his sister to follow Max.

Max closed the door behind the three giving them some privacy. Riley watched as his sister sat down. She didn’t look at him. “Don’t all talk at once.”

Charles replied, “Not mine to share.”

“Y/n?” Riley crouched down in front of her, his hands on her knees. “Talk to me.”

“It was a few weeks ago. You were with Max at the factory. He showed up and forced his way in.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have come home. Does Maman know?”

She shook her head. “No one knew. Except Charles.”

Riley turned to his friend, “And tell me how is it that you know? And you didn’t tell me.”

“I asked him not to.” He turned back to her. “I was ashamed.”

“Of what?”

“He’s your friend and....”

“And what?”

She sighed. “I could have maybe done something to prevent this “

“Cherie it wasn’t your fault.”

Riley got up from the floor and sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Charles is right. You can’t blame yourself.”

“He tried before.”

“What?” both guys asked at the same time.

“At your 18th birthday party. I came out the bathroom and he was there. He cornered me in the room and tried to kiss me. A few other times he would touch me when I’d walk past even though he knew I didn’t like it.”

“You should have told me. This whole time that asshole has been around you.”

“I know. And I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise. There is nothing to be sorry about.” He hugged her tight. “Charles, your turn.”

“I called her that night. Wanted to see if she wanted to grab some pizza. One of the nurses answered. I raced over there, just need to make sure she was okay. When I got there I knew something bad had happened. But mate my concern was on her, I didn’t even think to call you and then she made me promise not to tell anyone.”

“But we’ve seen Dean. Why now only?”

“I didn’t know it was him till today.”

“Charles can you give me a Riley a minute?” y/n asked.

“Sure.”

When he was gone, y/n turned to her brother. “Don’t be mad at him. He’s been amazing.”

“I’m not mad at him. I just wish that I could have been there with you. But I’m glad you didn’t go through this alone. I take it that’s why you and Charles have be n hanging out so much.” He nudged her shoulder with a wink.

“Meaning?”

“Nothing.”

She rolled her eyes. “I really am sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. You gonna tell Maman?”

“I really don’t want to. You know how she can be. She’ll make me come stay with her.”

“Cant believe your still at home. You’re tougher then you seem.”

“Actually...”

“What?”

“I’ve kinda been staying with Charles.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep, seems like he is as bad as Maman.”

“He cares about you. More than you realise.”

She stood up. “I guess I have to talk to the police now.”

He nodded, “Ill be right there.”

As soon as she was done with the police y/n went in search of Charles but he was no where to be seen. “Hey Pierre, you seen Charles?”

The French man shook his head, “Not since...you know. Are you ok?”

“Not the highlight of my day but I’ll be ok.”

“Good. I’m really sorry that happened to you.”

She smiled at him before giving him a hug. “Well I’m glad that I have you guys.”

“Always Cherie.”

When she left Pierre and walked through the paddock, she could feel eyes on her and she knew that people were probably talking about what happened and it made her feel uncomfortable. She popped her brother a message and made her way to the hotel. Since Charles had pretty much insisted on them sharing a room, she figured she would see him later and find out how he had knew about Dean. She had put on a brave face and dealt with everything but the truth was she was exhausted and just wanted to be alone. As soon as she got to the hotel she found Charles sitting at the table with a bag of ice pressed against his right hand. He looked up at the sound of the door closing.

“Hey,” he got up and walked over to her.

“Hi. I looked for you at the paddock.”

He nodded. “Andrea thought it would be better if I came back here. I was done with everything and I needed to cool down and clear my head. I wanted to wait for you though.”

She reached out and moved the ice bag away from his hand and grimaced at the bruises that was forming. “Sit. We should put some ointment on that hand.”

He turned to look at his hand. “Its ok. Doesn’t even hurt.”

“Now yes but you’ll feel it tomorrow. Sit.”

He sat down while she went and grabbed a first aid kit out of the bathroom. Placing it down on the counter, she turned his chair around so that he was facing her. As she began to clean up his hand she asked the question that was on her mind. “Charles, how did you know?”

“You.”

“What do you mean?”

“When he got there I saw you change. Your eyes especially.”

She looked up at him, her green eyes meeting his brown. “When I saw him it made me think of that night.”

He took hold of her hand and drew her closer to him, putting her between his legs. “I had a feeling that you knew the guy and seeing that fear in your eyes, I knew it was him. I wanted to kill him Cherie.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Even after what he did?”

“I wouldn’t want you or anyone to ruin your lives for me. It’s not worth it.” She stepped back from him and reached for the ice bag taking it to the sink.

He got up and walked over to her making her turn around. He placed a hand on her cheek, “I’d risk it all for you.” He had her trapped between his body and the sink. And just like early when he had hit Dean, he allowed his instinct to take over. Not taking his eyes off hers he leant down and kissed her.

At first she was surprised but just as quickly she responded. His hand that was not on her face moved down to her waist. He pushed his tongue against her lips asking for permission which she gladly allowed. His phone began to ring braking the spell. He tried to ignore it but she pushed against him. “It might be important.”

He sighed before grabbing the phone. “Its Charlotte.”

“Answer it.”

“Y/n.”

“Its ok.”

He declined the call only for it to start ringing again. Y/n moved out the room grabbing the first aid kit as she did. He reluctantly answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey Cha. I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it?”

“Come down to the lobby.”

“You’re here?” he asked looking up as y/n walked back into the room. She looked back at him hearing what he said.

“Surprise!”

Y/n smiled sadly at him before walking out the door. Kissing Charles had been a mistake. He had a girlfriend and Charlotte was a friend. They had gotten caught up in the emotions of the day that was all it was. She heard him call her name as she got on the elevator but she didn’t stop or turn back.

She went over to Pierre and Kika’s room. Ever since Pierre and Kika had started dating she and Y/n had become close friends so as soon as she had met up with her friend they had gone out drinking. Some of the other drivers joined them and as if the universe had fucked her over enough, Charles and Charlotte were among them. She pretended that nothing had happened even though Charles kept looking at her.

Sitting across from her was Logan Sargent one of the Williams drivers. He leaned over, “Hey y/n, would you like to dance?”

“Yes I would.”

As she got up and took Logan’s outstretched hand, she glanced at Charles. Charlotte was basically in his lap chatting to Kika but he was just looking at y/n. She turned away as Logan led her to the dance floor.

Turns out Logan is quite a charming, funny guy and y/n was having fun. At least as much as she could have. After a few dances she leaned up so that he could hear her over the music and excused herself to the bathroom. When she came back Logan was no where to be seen. She walked over to Alex, Logan’s teammate and friend. “Hey, you know where Logan went?”

“He left with some girl.”

“Oh.” That was weird. She thought they had been having fun. She grabbed her jacket and left sending Kika a message so she wouldn’t worry.

Race day arrived and excitement was in the air. Max was on pole as usual and Lewis Hamilton was in second. Charles had managed third place and the top three were looking good. Y/n was currently sitting with Kika in the alpine hospitality ready for the race. She hadn’t spoken to Charles since the kiss and had successfully managed to avoid him. Didn’t hurt that he was too preoccupied with his girlfriend. Logan on the other hand she had seen a few times and every time it seemed like he was avoiding her. She made a note to try and talk to him after the race.

After a predictable but not uneventful race with a few dnfs and two safety cars Max won the French grand Prix with Lewis and Carlos rounding off the podium positions. Charles had had a bad pit stop and Xavier had stuffed up the strategies causing him to finish in 8th. She knew he was pissed and half of her wanted to go to him but he had Charlotte and she needed to respect that. It was only a few hours later once the track was clear and teams were making their way out did y/n manage to talk to Logan. Turns out Charles had told him to stay away from her. Now she was the one that was pissed. She called the airline and booked the first ticket back home before heading to the hotel to grab her stuff.

A few weeks later everyone had gathered at the Fontaine home to celebrate Amelie’s birthday. It was the first time y/n and Charles had seen each other since France. She was sitting upstairs after dinner on the balcony when he came looking for her. He lifted her legs off the couch and sat down next to her, placing her legs on his lap. “Hey you.”

“Charles.” She hates how his hands on her thighs made her skin burn.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“Been busy with school.”

“There’s something else.”

She tried to move her legs to get up but he wouldn’t let her. “You threatened Logan.”

“I didn’t threaten him. I merely.....”

“Told him to stay away from me.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Why did you kiss me?”

He sighed softly. “Because I love you.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

This time when she moved he let her. “You love me, like a sister?” He shook his head. She got up. “How long?”

“Always.”

“Then why are you dating my friends?”

He ran a hand over his face conflicted. “Because it’s easier.”

“So I’m hard to love?”

“No,” he stood up too. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then just exactly what do you mean Charles!”

“I’m bad at relationships. I always fined ways to screw it up. Dating other girls is easier because when I inevitably screw up I can walk away and if they never want to see me again it’ll be ok. But I can’t lose you. I need you in my life. You’re the one person I don’t want to ever lose.”

“So what? You just never take a chance?”

“I can’t.”

“So you lied.”

“I’m sorry?” he asked.

“That night, when we kissed, you said you’d risk it all for me.”

“I can’t risk you. My career, everything else but not you.”

She brushed away the tears that were falling. “Then you have to let me go.”

He tried to get closer to her but she moved away. “Please Cherie. Don’t do this.”

“It’s not fair Charles. You can’t expect me to sit around and watch you be happy with another girl when I’ve been in love with you for so long. And then get jealous when some other guy actually wants to be with me.”

“I want to be with you..”

“But you can’t. I know I heard you!” she snapped. She turned her back towards him and looked out at the night sky, trying to stop the tears.

Charles reached out and touched her back. “Y/n, I know you don’t understand but I need you to know that I love you, more than anyone in the world. I’m just not good for you.”

“Ok. You’ve made your decision one j have no say in apparently. Because if I did, I would tell you that I don’t care about anything other then you. I want to be with you but I can’t change your mind. So o have to move on and you have to let me.”

He turned her around. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” She kissed his cheek lightly. “Good night Charles.”

She walked away leaving him to ask himself, “What have I done?”

Days turned into weeks since they last talked and it was having an effect on both of them. Charles had been having trouble concentrating on his races and y/n was spending all her time either at school or at home. It wasnt till Kika showed up one day and dragged her out to dinner that y/n finally left her apartment. While they were out she was surprised to run into Chris, her American friend from Egypt. He was in Monaco for to teach a few class at the university which turned out included hers. The two of them spent more time together over the next few days and y/n found herself not thinking so much about Charles. She missed him but she had to go on and when Chris asked her out on a date, she had accepted. She took things slow with Chris but over the weeks she grew closer to him and soon enough he became her boyfriend. It was at y/n’ surprise birthday party that her boyfriend and Charles met for the first time. It hurt seeing her with someone else. He hates how Chris made her laugh and smile. The way he got to touch her and hold her. He knew it was his own fault.

Miami was the turning point for Charles. She was there with him, he had seen them in the Red Bull paddock. She had seen Charles and smiled at him in greeting which made his heart leap but when he saw Chris lean down and kiss her before going off somewhere he took a chance. “Hey Cherie.”

“Hi Charles. How are you?”

“I’ve been better. I miss you.”

“Don’t.”

“I...”

“No Charles. Good luck today.” She left him standing there alone once again heart broken.

A third of the way through the race Charles landed up in the barrier. It was a pretty bad crash but thankfully he was able to get out the car unscathed. For a minute though y/n’ had felt her heart in her throat. The thought of something happening to him was hard to bear. She was debating whether or not she should go down to him when he brother came over to her. The race had been red flagged and everyone was waiting for a restart. “Y/n, he needs you.”

She got up and excused herself before making her way over to the Ferrari garage. Andrea let out a sigh of relief when he saw her. “Drivers room,” was all he needed to say. She knocked softly on the door.

“Go away!”

“Charlie it’s me.”

A few seconds later she heard the door unlock and when he opened it she could see tears in his eyes. She walked in and pulled him close wrapping her arms around him. “I’m a failure.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes I am. I can’t do this anymore.”

She pushed back a little so she could look at him. “Charles don’t talk like that. You can bounce back. Accidents happen and the season is still fresh.”

“It’s not the race I’m talking about.”

“Oh.” She let him go and went to sit down.

He closed the door before sitting down next to her. “I know you told me to let you go, but baby I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“You have Charlotte and I’m with Chris.”

“We broke up.”

“When?”

“After your birthday. She’s suspected for a while that I had feelings for you. But after seeing you and Chris together, I was mad. Not at you,” he grabbed her hand and started rubbing his thumb over the skin. “Mad at myself because I knew that it could have been us. We argued, well she started yelling at me and I just ended it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. She’s not you.”

“You can’t do that. You can’t flirt with me. I said you can’t be with me.”

“I was wrong. I want you and I need you.”

“I have a boyfriend Charles.”

“Does he make you feel the way I do?”

“That’s not fair.” She said getting up.

He got up to and pulled her close. “Tell me you don’t love me, that I have lost any chance with you and I will let you go.”

“Charles,”

He began to lean in and brushed his lips against hers. She didn’t push him away. But when someone knocked on his door she quickly rushed out the room. “Fuck!”

That night as he lay in the bed his mind trying to figure out how he had stuffed things up, he contemplated calling her. He had tried to find her after the race but she and Chris had left as soon as it was over. He finally settled on sending her a message.

“Please can we talk?”

She read it quite quick but never responded. He groaned before throwing the phone down on the bed. He grabbed a pillow and placed it over his head as he let out another frustrated moan when he heard a knock on his door. He throw it down and climbed off the bed. He really did not feel like visitors. He was shocked to see her standing there. She didn’t say anything, she simply closed the distance and pulled him into a kiss. He responded by wrapping his arms around her waist and picking her up, closing the door with his foot.

Clothes scattered around the room, they were laying in his bed wrapped on each other. “You wanted to talk?” she asked laying on his chest in a way that she could look at him.

He brushed some of her messy hair out her face. “You’re here.”

“I broke up with Chris after the race.”

“You did?” he smirked.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Did you mean it? That you want to be with me?”

“Every word baby.”

“So we’re an us now?”

“Now and forever. No chance in hell you’re going anywhere. In fact your not leaving this bed for at least the next 24 hours.”

“Really? And how ever shall I pass the time.”

“I have a few ideas,” he grinned before rolling them over and pinning her to the bed. He kissed her lips before slowly making his way down her neck stopping at each of her breast making sure to apply a lot of pressure on her nipples making her squirm. As he suck and licked them she felt his hand travel down her body reaching for her still sensitive nub and began rubbing circles. She arched her back at the sensation. “You think your ready for round two?” he asked as he slowly pushed his finger inside her.

“Yes,” she gasped.

He moved his lips down her body till he was in line with her pussy. He looked back at her one last time before lowering his head and running his tongue along her sex. The sound she made, made him excited, he knew that was a sound he would never get tired of hearing. And hopefully the neighbours wouldn’t complain too much.

#charles leclerc x reader #f1 x reader

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fnamarkipliers · 1 year ago

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1st fanfic topic: markimoo

WARNING! VERY LARGE AMOUNTS OF MARKIMOO and cussing so... I just got this account and my birthday is 2morrow so, it kinda includes that theme too! Have fun!😊

You look around trying to find a dress for your birthday party that your friend decided to surprise you with last second (hate when that happens 🙄). You rush frantically through your apartment looking for a dress. You decide to just go in your jeans and Yankees T-shirt after your brain told you, "fuck it. just go in what you're wearing."

After a little bit of indecisivness (idek if that's a word!) you check the time to see that you're 20 minutes late already. TO YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY! You panic and rush out of the apartment and get in your car.

You finally arrived. You look too see only your friend and your crush, Mark, standing there. You frantically apologize and ask your friend why it was only her and Mark (btw your friend here has been dating Mark for a while now). Your mind starts rushing to conclusions

You: "was I so late they left?"

Y/F/N: "No silly! You know you're the not only one that can miss out on stuff!"

You're kinda used to getting confused on her wording because she has a weird disorder that causes her to not talk very well. She also never got the chance to fix that as a kid since nobody would really help her out with it.

You start to process her words for a second until you finally understand what she was saying.

You: "oh so... it wasn't my fault?"

Y/F/N: "no of course not!"

Your pretty surprised at the fact that she actually said that without messing up. You give Mark a thankful smile when you realize that he was the one helping her out with that.

Mark slowly turns around now holding a box with a ribbon on top. You smile at them for a second before Mark reaches out to hand you the box. Your friend looks at Mark like a helpless child that just got stuck on a math equation. She then mouthes the word "oh" when she realizes that it was the present they got you.

Y/F/N: "can we go to your house to open the present?"

You: "Ya! Sure!"

You know for a fact that your house is a mess but you know her house ain't any better so you just shrug it off. She stares at you as Mark walks away to put the box in his car to take to your house. You start to head over to your car just now noticing how cold it was out here. You look back at your friend, looking like she thought it was summer.

You: "how are you not cold?"

Y/F/N: "what do you mean? Im kinda hot now that think I 'bout it!"

You: "you're in a tank top in late November."

Y/F/N: "So, what's your point?"

You shiver in the cold.

You: "THAT TECHNICALLY MEANS ITS WINTER ALREADY!"

Y/F/N: "geez calm down!"

You stare at the ground just now noticing that Mark was standing there listening to you guys bicker about how cold it was outside. You shiver again and this time Mark softly hooks a coat on your shoulder.

Mark: "See! Now we're all happy!"

You finally give him a small smile and head to your car just focusing on the fact that Mark, your forever crush, just hung a coat on your shoulder.

You grab the door handle and start to faintly hear Y/F/N yelling at Mark. You don't like to eavesdrop but when it includes your bff and her bf it's basically a requirement to eavesdrop!

Y/F/N: "WHY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!

Mark: "babe, calm down she was just cold ok?"

Y/F/N: "OH SO NOW I SHOULD NOW ASSUME THAT IF GIRL ANY GETS COLD YOU CAN BE ALL LOVEY ON HER!"

You now realize that their talking about you. You get in your car slamming the door so you can't hear her screaming at Mark.

You cry and cry until your eyes almost look like their bleeding. Then you hear your car door open. You look over to see Mark standing there with a bloody nose.

You: "did she..."

Mark: "punch me? Ya! Did she break up with me just because I was just trying to be nice? Yep! Maybe she was right..."

You: "right about what?"

Silence.

You: "Mark, you know it's... better to talk to people about this stuff."

Mark: "she... said that... oh nevermind! What the fuck was I thinking!"

You: "well... um since you aren't tel-"

He stops you mid sentence.

Mark: "SHE WAS RIGHT! I LOVE YOU NOT HER! WHY THE FUCK DID I LOVE HER! WHY IM I JUST THE STUPID IDIOT THAT HOOKS UP WITH JERKS LIKE HER!"

You start crying.

Mark: "oh my god I'm sorry I-I didn't mean to-"

You: "I love you too Mark."

Mark: "oh! Umm... I think she's leaving..."

You: "what...?"

Mark: "well... I kinda, maybe, sorta left your birthday present in her car and now have no way to get home... Great!"

You: "what's your definition of 'great'?"

Mark: "well if you say yes to my next question... Then, well... Nevermind."

You: "what's the question?"

Mark, smiling takes your hand and intertwined it with his smiling.

"do you want to be my NEW gf?"

You: "yes Mark. Yes I do."

Mark hugs you and kisses you on the head.

#markiplier #fanfic

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numberposting · 2 years ago

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Birthday comes 2 a CLOSE....ate good foods hung out with my siblinges and pet a pupy. :3 what else could a birthday boy ever want!!!!!

Mayb 2morrow I'll set up one of those video -sharing-with-friends thangs (like rabb.it but like one of the alternatives) n I will subject whoever shows up to Media <3

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vampireqrow-moved · 4 years ago

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um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

#if u have follow up questions ill probably answer them 2morrow #if u ask something just be nice its my birthday 🙄🙄#anyways time to tag this lol !#pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #q slur #long post #my post #ask to tag maybe??

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meeraria · 5 years ago

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Hii, I'm so shy asking this but I read somewhere you have a list of upstead moments, would you share it with me? If it's not too much 🙈

I am very sorry I just saw this!! I hope you haven’t sent this a long time ago. I’ve finished the last season recently but I haven’t done this one yet. and pls don’t be shy!! I am so happy you asked. not many people like them.

I don’t have time stamps just some shorthand notes to remind me of the scene. and every instance they call each other by their names (I had this idea to gif them or make a video etc.) but all the moments are in chronological order so if you see the third moment before the first one when you’re watching an episode that means you skipped the first two. the list is under the cut.

ps. there might be some other moments that I liked that are not necessarily upstead.

4x21 first time at the back of a van

4x22 jay on haileys desk

erin is the one who calls her hailey for the first time

4x23 hailey meets will

hailey looks after jay when he leaves

5x01 jay touches hailey on the shoulder for bust

hailey calls him jay for the first time, to Kev and Ruz

look at each other at the hospital

if you need anything

deleted scene: jay I got your back. he is quick to escape her. pats her back. she respects. he’s with his brother

5x02 looks at jay when he starts lying to suspect

sits on her desk

jay checks out hailey in the interrogation room

jay calls him upton. for the first time

5x03 they open doors to cupboard at the same time

butchers blade-look to each other

5x04 sb assumes hailey is ruzek’s gf

stops a witness from prosecuting ruzek

ruzek calls her hailey cause he thinks she’s gonna snitch, jay tries to stop him

5x05 hailey puts her hand on jay’s shoulder jay looks and she recants

they save the kids look at each other

5x06 Le Snob (he’s not in love yet-doesnt look at her)

jay brings her jacket

mcgrady you run the log hailey they look at each other

their hands touch when jay gives her the camera

j: is this really about the case? h:see u 2morrow

jay(grabs her shoulder): u sure u ok? let me know if you need anything

how’supton? jay: idunno

5x07 look at each other to open door

voight: you got a take hailey? neutral

microphone up (first time saying jay 2hisface)

looks at hailey so she’d start the fight

iknowwhathesaw, was what u said true. jay is pissed

first fight: voight says hailey. she denies jay’s request

jayx4 points the gun at her

hailey calls him, he rolls eyes

5x08 first time calls her hailey (don’t need no babysitter)

5x09 hailey texts him, rolls eyes

I’ll stay with the suspect hailey

big potato talk (she’s driving)

flirty let’s check out his alibi

he looked at her and then they look at each other but it’s fast (questioning junkie)

they take a selfie, he puts arm around her she wants to but stops herself

5x10* camila episode

introduces her as hailey - but she’s gay

we’re gonna talk about her, now (calls her jay) I’m fine lie.

you can’t talk to her - jay you’re not thinking straight

thinks she betrayed her

“back off jay”

looks at him over camila’s shoulder

they look at each other - after camilla’s dismissal

hailey is worried about him

she threatens camilla, saying I - his real name is jay x2

5x11 if you’re not serious I need a new partner (shoulder tap)

he wants back to therapy cause of ultimatum

5x12 “jay come back.” platt’s birthday (shoulder punch)- lookateachother

he uses her desk like he doesn’t have one

she pushes jays back to get to voight

they’re hiding together

5x13 look at each other at restaurant

how’s therapy going?

“jay!” - spots the suspects

5x14 flag dispute

look each other when they get shots fired

sits on hailey’s desk

I used to be a soldier-looks at hailey x2

she admires that he respects the kneeler

5x15 she puts arm on his shoulder

sits on hailey’s desk about q

italian guy flirting, women are more loyal then men

jay, you got her?

5x16 bomb-she falls down he grabs her

he sitting on her desk

cF(6x13) calls her to ask about voight

5x17 he’s sitting on her desk

uh-oh i just saw a rat arm tap

5x18* titus episode: jay also calls adam ruz?

how do u know this guy?

looks after she explains

i pitch jay as a potential buyer

you look like a real couple

hailey, thought he bit but

you were hailey’s case officer, she’s my partner

hailey, we gotta talk about this, did he rape you

i can handle this jay- I said the same thing u called me out (shoulder tap)

touches her arm, booth notices

he asked me if i slept with her,

hailey you’re way too emotional

jay: me too. hailey’s solid,hailey’s gonna callme

he reaches for his gun when booth gets handsy with her

5 time hailey, please (grabs her shoulder)

looks after her when arresting

comes to her house, hailey u got him

two deletes scenes: therapy is over

you’re incredibly aloof about your private life

5x19 sitting on hailey’s desk, gives her jacket

looks at homeless jay

saves her life, you good? good.

5x20 look at each other during shootout

talk about erin

5x21 he and kevin fight and she calms them

h:I just talked to halstead

sarge if you need sth - she’s same to everyone

he’s sitting on her desk

5x22 hank x trudy hug (personal ship)

jay comes back from crying grabs her shoulder, she grabs his hand

jay sits on her desk

deleted scene: pushes her out of line of fire

6x01 trudy comes to see hank (personal ship)

“jay�� go be undercover junkie

gets his jacket to him

6x02 look at each other in morgue

she uses his computer

she looks at him worried before they go busting

damn it jay. jay, I almost shot you

need me to talk to u. I don’t need anything jay.

innocent man, jay. second fight? keeps looking at him

jay, back off. she pushes him hard, grabs his chest

she grabs his arm to pull him back

“you’re too close jay” I’m done being your punching bag -his eyes never leave her

he’s shot, she’s distressed jay x 4 (she checks his body)

Hailey, I’m sorry. touches his knee as she gets up then cries

deleted scene jay I thought you were with will, pats arm working this case?

6x03 halstead calls her. she slept with adam

I gotta meet jay

you’re like never late. he looks at her after she dismisses him

checks to see if she follows

gonna grab halstead and dig in

look at each other

6x04 greets her when nobody notices

she gets the suspect by jumping on him (gay moment for me)

ready? eye contact

6x05 she knows how to handle idiots

makes way for her like the first time they met

I don’t care if we’re sleeping 2gether talk to voight (to adam) LOVE HER

6x06* voight learns about upzek

i dont do violence

adam undermines her, she gets angry

look at each other when talking to voight

keeps looking at jay when he talks

hailey we gotta talk. I confirmed his alibi

hailey you did what you have to, she cries to him about her guilt adam interrupts.

nothing good comes from workplace romance (he has some feelings?)

even when he’s debriefing; he looks at hailey. adam doesn’t

I know u don’t wanna talk about it flirting. she’s sad

tries to explain to adam: this halstead thing

6x07* looks at him when they’re listening to wire

he wants to help kev, she grabs his arm to stop

legally blind witness flirting

bomb goes off - are u ok? grabs her

va is dead, she checks on him, he look at her. all with eyes

pushes her in the room, through her shoulder

u got me? yeah.

burqa woman incident. jay x2 , hold on. hailey x7, stop

we’re not mind readers hailey. *whispering softly you’re not in war anymore*

look at each other, in the interview

she doesn’t believe the guy he does.

sits on her desk

introduces her as upton to racist woman

save the commentary and scroll look

this thing between us. I screwed up hailey. I have bias (her hand on his shoulder)

looks at her when they walk (feelings maybe?)

6x08 u know she’s with me right?

adam compliments, jay looks at her

steals a pen from him in the background when antonio is on the phone

kev’s suspect calls her out look each other.

kev asks to talk to snitch, she taps jay to leave

6x09 when adam talks about commitment she gets scared

jay calls everyone by surnames except “hailey”

flying blind is fun flirting

“jay” spotted a camera

sweeps the house, touches her arm

suspect pushes her, he catches her and adam punches

she dresses kim’s vest (gay shriek)

6x10* hailey, come on x2

she’s angry. looks at him. he look to voight

voight: trudy. ride with me to the scene (personal)

asks his opinion on ruzek and iad.

he catches upzek. she’s upset he saw.

“a guy I’m dating upzek talk with voight”

we’re always gonna be good talk

6x11 kelton comes. look at each other.

6x12* he gets agitated, she supports him with her looks, he checks for support

“jay you allright” kelton denied funds. hailey, we got him rn.

looks at the bus stop. supporting love. looks.

she catches him over the body “jay, you ok?” hailey arrived after me.

she’s angry and he looks at her.she leaves he stays. head salute.

hailey, what’s up. jay you went dark. is that what you think? jay…

voight warns him. she’s worried behind.

she looks you ok? he looks yes go. first nonverbal.

voight compliments him.

long week. u can’t right every wrong “jay”. flirting then adam calls. go..

6x13 surveillance flirting about kev

what the hell look at her

6x14 kim catches upzek

she gets kidnapped he’s worried

he’s ok with voight’s tactics cause she’s missing

he fights with ruzek.

she’s proud of kim. (personal)

ruzek goes to kim first.

he stands up when he sees her. he’s so sad and angry

she checks jay. he’s upset

6x15* he’s talking to her on the phone

check if he’s coming behind her

pushes back her chair to sit on her desk

“Hailey he’s headed to you” “squad advise my partner ” x 2

upton are you copying? copy jay are you ok? hailey he’s armed.

jay! we’re coming in!

you good? yeah you? yeah

she’s driving

jay we’re good. “do what your ladyfriend tell you to do”

looks at her before he gets out

they look at each other, he says no she listens

she keeps checking on him, he assures her after

he has a hunch, she supports him. he thanks with eyes, she says np with eyes

he defends his hunch, she silently supports him. then look at each other for thx

eyes talk: come with me? right now? ok?

suspect says he’ll snitch, they look at each other we got it

I’ll follow you blind talk. (she half-confessed her feelings to him)

6x16 “sarge what you don’t let me and hailey go?” “hailey?” and gets her jacket

I’m halstead and she’s upton.

I’ll catch up with you, forearm grip

he waited at the entrance

serial killer talks to her, he gets nervous

runs to the car/him, “I got Hailey”

6x17 sitting on her desk

looks at her, checking out buildings

“oh yeah good one” arm pat

looks at her when she’s not looking and looks away when she turns

throws usb to him, he catches

they judge the juvie guy together

voight offers himself to suspect he checks her face to see what she thinks

they look at each other this time when they been judgey

6x18 sitting on her desk

hands on her desk when she’s not there like it’s his :)

6x19 towering over her while she looks at the footage

jay! blue buick

she tries to help the victim and looks at jay to see if she can he looks no

she supports kim no qs ask when kim barges in, normally follows the rules

ruzek keeps checking on kim-believes her immediately like jay and hailey

he was sitting on her desk since before hank came in

6x20 she doesn’t wanna meet ruzek’s family?? i dunno

pats her arm after she’s shot at

they shadow ruzek but she calls it off. jay doesn’t interfere & looks the whole time

ruzek wants answers he tries to cover and supports her and tell ruz to let it go

ruz thinks it’s cause of burzek but it’s not.

“jay talked to”

she holds off the op he’s worried a little in the car.

upstead communicate silently and without questioning

she checks on jay while he fights the suspect

she questions her relationship with adam, platt says if he’s not the one end it

she breaks up with ruzek, and admits they’re not the one for each other

6x21 she’s a bit cocky to the suspect and he smiles a little whilst he turns???

TRUDY AND HANK what could have been

they sit at their desk together

“hailey tell the port supervisor…”

6x22* voight explains the plan, they look at each other worried

he breaks into the car so fast she flirting

“jay you close”

she crashes to save him

“I’m going where you go” they’re both surprised he said it

he protects her first when they’re shot at in the van, ‘we’re good“

she looks at her happily when there’s a lead

they arrest their shooter together, “me and my partner”

he’s pressured, she notices. “you’ll forget about me” “hailey” never.

he want to confess sth but she stops him?

adam kisses platt :)

he’s sitting on her desk

#ask #rrrogah-taylaa #rrrogah taylaa #upstead #chicago pd #my post

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