#may you actually learn how to see other people’s feelings

[southpauz]

I am genuinely frightened for the future of America, its people, and every other country that America imposes itself upon.

Trump's administration falls under literally EVERY defining characteristic of Fascism.

Far-right conservatives have completely overtaken our mainstream media, forcibly silenced them, or bought them out so they can praise and sane-wash Trump over fear of retribution.

His administration is owned by the ultra wealthy who control all of our social media apps/sites. Every large corporation owner was in attendance at Trump's inauguration, sitting in FRONT of his cabinet. Tiktok is spreading pro-Trump propaganda, Zuckerberg intends to "remove factchecking" from Meta platforms (like Facebook and Instagram itself), and Bill Gates just said he had a fascinating talk with Trump recently and was impressed by him.

Elon Musk, the richest man in the world, bought Twitter and completely turned it into an alt-right misinformation machine that spews hatred over diversity and acceptance and directly impacted people's impression of the election which lead to Trump's victory. He changed the algorithm on Twitter to boost nazi, transphobic, racist rhetoric alongside retreating similar posts to his audience and changed the algorithm to suppress democratic posts.

After Trump's inauguration Elon was on stage and he gave an enthusiastic NAZI SALUTE. TWICE. ON TELEVISION.

They're targeting our education to keep us dumb and complacent little worker bees so we don't learn how to critically think and see through the propaganda and lies they spew.

They are targeting minorities, especially the trans community and undocumented immigrants, to make people fight a different "enemy" than the people ACTUALLY harming them: the 1%.

They are targeting women's right to their own bodily autonomy in order to keep making sure they keep having worker bees to keep making them more money and to foster a disdain for human rights in our population by linking our government to evangelical Christian morals.

We are in danger.

Please do your proper research and make sure you take your information from multiple sources, including primary sources like court and governmental documents, to prevent bias.

Please look into local programs, volunteer opportunities, and social gathering events so you can get to know your community better and help build more solidarity and safety.

Please keep your eyes open to help your neighbor who may be targeted by this administration. Make sure to should "LA MIGRA" if you spot any ICE vehicles to alert your undocumented friends and neighbors, and remember that police can't come into your home without a warrant and you have the right to remain silent.

Most importantly: DO NOT GIVE UP. It feels so hopeless, but the only thing that can make it worse is if we give up. Becoming compliant in advance only speeds up fascist takeovers.

Resist. Be careful. Care for one another. I love you guys.

Unless you voted for or currently support Trump. Go fuck yourselves you pieces of shit.

[uncle-fruity]

I appreciate everything OP said here, and so much of it rings true. And while we're on this topic, I wanna bring up something I've been mulling over that I think is related.

We have got to stop thinking of marginalized people as a monolith -- even when that homogenized version in our heads is mostly positive. What I mean is that not every trans person is a good person. Just like not every cis person is a bad person. There will be trans people who are uninformed, willfully ignorant, rude, mean, abusive, manipulative, misogynistic, hypocritical, and honestly pretty bad allies to anyone who they don't understand or don't like or who challenges their worldview. There will be cis people who are extremely well-read on the issues, understanding, supportive, encouraging, open-minded, willing to listen & learn, kind, respectful, dedicated transfeminists, and honestly some of the best allies you'll ever have.

There is this sort of underlying assumption that trans people will always understand each other better than anyone else, that we are safer with our own, but that's not always the case. It is fair to assume that trans people are more likely to connect with and understand each other, but it is (clearly, as demonstrated) not guaranteed.

That's because we are humans! Humans are messy, complex, often hypocritical, nuanced beings. We all have different experiences, surroundings, relationships, beliefs, and priorities that make us who we are. Gender is just one facet of the many many things that come together to make us wholly human. Being trans doesn't make you a good person; it makes you trans. And while being trans may give you valuable insight on gender dynamics and trans oppression via direct exposure, it does not automatically make you a scholar or expert on all trans experiences or the historical context that feminism & transfeminism is built on. That kind of information must be actively pursued if you want a fuller picture.

This is why I've been going off about critical thinking so much -- because if you aren't being critical about this, it gets very very easy to fall into a reactive and/or bigoted and/or narrow mindset, and that can be genuinely harmful to yourself and others if you're not careful. Especially on Tumblr, where someone could very easily misrepresent their identity to stir up shit and push transphobic rhetoric behind the mask of an assumed ally. Thinking critically is a vital tool to help us avoid being manipulated by a false or disingenuous narrative.

When we say, "Listen to trans people," we mean that you need to pay attention to a wide variety of trans people and what we're talking about -- because we will and do agree AND disagree with each other on a number of issues all the time. But the more of us you listen to and consider, the more likely you are to see patterns of oppression and common trans experiences that will broaden your worldview and help you make a better informed decision about what to believe or what to look further into or how to spot common anti-trans sentiments/dogwhistles. "Listen to trans people" is not followed by the secret phrase, "and thoughtlessly accept everything they say about trans issues." Anyone who demands that you agree with them without room for question or comment or criticism is trying to control the narrative. Even if there is good reason to believe someone knows their shit, it never hurts to dig deeper into the worldview someone is trying to get you to internalize before you do so.

So, with that in mind, I encourage everyone to really take stock of their priorities & values within activism and judge people on their actual behaviors & impact & quality of information they present, NOT just their stated identities. If something a fellow activist said feels uncomfortable or rubs up against your values, it's okay to examine that feeling and ask questions to figure out what's at the root of it. The trans women who act the way OP described are not representative of all trans women, nor are they necessarily our allies. The same goes for misogynistic & transmisogynistic trans men. Or trans people of any sort who subscribe to any flavor of gender/bioessentalist ideology. That isn't to say that we don't fight for their rights or support them when they fall victim to systemic violence or ignore their issues or give up on trying to educate & elevate where we can -- we are still fighting the patriarchy for everyone's benefit. But, critically, we also don't have to accept hateful rhetoric into our communities and theories just because the fuckos spouting it off are trans.

honestly, as a trans woman who's running a fairly 'popular' or whatever queer blog, i've noticed so much shit in the past 2 years and i'm just gonna lay it out for y'all. it's a new year. it's 2025. i do NOT wanna carry any more of this bullshit forward. i'm calling everything for what it is. if this pisses you off, unfollow or block and move on.

as someone else put it in the tags on one of my other posts:

i am sick and tired of not talking about extremely important queer conversation topics for the sake of "keeping the peace".

this is not giving trans women and transfemmes a better quality of life to attack literally every every and all trans men for being trans men. it's making people fucking scared shitless of us. i hope people realize this isn't helping improve the opinion other people have on trans women and transfemmes. it's making people absolutely fucking terrified to even exist around us, because we've gotten to the point where we're attacking literally everyone and anyone who says something we don't like. people are fucking terrified of talking around transfemmes and trans women and it's time we broke the silence on that.

other transfemmes and trans women: do you seriously, really want other trans people to be scared to death of you? do you really want other trans people to be absolutely fucking terrified to speak around you because they're scared of getting fucking yelled at? do you really want other trans people to be utterly terrified to speak up about their own trans issues for fear of being told they hate you? do you really want other people around you to feel utterly terrified to talk about anything queer related at all for fear of being corrected, looked down upon, or verbally harassed?

i am just completely done with this environment we've fostered where basically everyone is on pins and goddamn needles holding themselves back from having real, genuine, impactful, substantial conversations about gender because they're absolutely scared shitless of being called transmisogynistic and publicly cancelled and harassed at all times for saying something as simple as "trans men don't have it easy" or talking about how AFAB people can also be trans. it really does not take much at all to set people off on this website and start accusing people of being transmisogynists left right and center.

i'm not participating in this weird mind game anymore. i do not like how this is being used to control the narrative on transness and trans experiences.

i am done with having to walk on eggshells in every. single. conversation. we have about gender.

i am done with acting like talking about transmasculinity and transmanhood is somehow magically attacking and silencing trans women and transfemmes.

i am done with people having to tack on massive disclaimers saying that they're not attacking trans women and transfemmes just for talking about their experiences on just about every post people write about gender.

i feel like every conversation about gender on here has to be so fucking sterile and calculated and meticulously planned out and stripped of most of its contents in order to not immediately get slammed with a "oh so you hate trans women" or a "oh so you're transmisogynstic." it's fine to point out genuine transmisogyny, i'm not gonna say you have to put up with it when it's real, but can we acknowledge that people are leveraging the fear other people have of being called transmisogynistic to shut people up?

at this point it's being used as a scare tactic and i'm so over it. i loathe how accusing people of being transmisogynistic is a default insult. trans men can't make a post about transmasculinity without someone getting pissed off and calling them transmisogynistic. trans men can't talk about a goddamn thing without being told to shut up, for some reason? why is this happening? like literally why are you doing this? trans men can't talk about ANYTHING at this point. like they needed to be able to coin words for the specific types of oppression they face so they could talk about it, and instead they just get fucking yelled at and told they're being copycats and that the violence they faced wasn't real? what the actual hell is this accomplishing?

why are we acting like we own oppression and no one else can even come close to understanding what its like? come on now, we don't own the goddamn concept of oppression. we also don't own transness. i am sick to death of this idea that transfemininity and trans womanhood are the only "real" ways to be trans. we do not own the concept of transness. it's not just about us. "trans rights" applies to more than just us. it can't be about us all the time. WE are the ones being self centered right now. WE are the ones who are forcing the conversation to be about us in situations where it's completely and totally inappropriate.

we need to say it for what it is: we're fostering an environment where, at this point, only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk about anything queer related at this point. like can we call it for what it is? for some reason, trans men and transmascs aren't allowed to talk about trans manhood or transmasculinity at all. ever. they're not allowed to say a fucking peep. they have to shut up and listen to a trans woman explain it to them, because for some reason, the trans woman knows trans manhood better than the trans man. this is out of fucking control, we should not have trans women explaining trans manhood to other people unless they are also a trans man. this is just unacceptable. transfems attack transmascs who speak for transfems, and yet this is seen as good and the norm?

you are not cool if you hate trans men and misgender them on purpose. this isn't feminist. this isn't progressive. you're not getting back at the patriarchy- most trans men do not benefit from patriarchy and never will- you would understand this if you listened to them. instead of talking over and for trans men, and listening to people who talk over and for trans men, if you listened to trans men, the source, you'd understand that no, transmasculine lives are NOT easy and no, trans men do not instantly benefit from patriarchal society if at all, ever. if you listened you'd understand that T doesn't make people aggressive and hostile and evil. if you listened you'd understand that there are a lot of wonderful, loving trans men out there are who are not transmisogynistic just by virtue of existing.

nobody is saying that we want to you prioritize men over trans women when we talk about trans men's rights. we're not saying that we need to talk about men all the time and never talk about women, and that men are the only ones allowed to talk, now. we really have to let multiple people participate in conversations. we can't keep doing this thing where One Gender Has To Be Superior Over another. that's gender essentialism. why must you keep yourself trapped inside the binary like that? why are you so desperate to stay stuck inside of the machine that's trying to destroy you?

challenging someone else's transphobia is not being transphobic. challenging someone else's behavior is not hating them or their gender. criticism is not an attack on trans womanhood and transfemininity. transfemmes are trans women are not immune to criticism and we need to stop acting like we are. we're not. we've created an echo chamber where only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk right now and it's not transmisogynistic to point that out, because it's literally happening before our eyes.

if we're demanding that other people treat us better, why are we treating other people like shit in the process to get it?

stop silencing other people talking about other trans experiences. transfemininity and trans womanhood are not the only ways to be trans. stop forcing yourself into conversations you don't belong in. if you don't want trans men do that, don't do it as a trans woman. don't barge into conversations you have literally 0 stock in just to be rude and mean and make the conversation about trans women instead. let other people talk. this has gone on for way too long.

let. other. trans. people. talk. we shouldn't have let it get this bad. but i'm not letting it stay this bad. if you want to accuse people having genuine conversations about transness of being transmisogynistic just because they're not a trans woman, then feel free, i'm not gonna stop you, but i'm not listening to you. i don't care anymore. i'm sick to death of not being able to have REAL conversations on here because some people don't like being reminded that they are not the only people who suffer under cisheteronormative patriarchy. if you can't accept that you are not the only one who suffers under patriarchy and that men need to be liberated from patriarchy as well, then i'm not interested in having a conversation with you to begin with.

seriously, if any of this bothers you, please just block me. i'm not participating in these dumb ass little mind games anymore. i do not give a singular shit about offending people who think this behavior is okay. i spent way too long being afraid to speak up about real world issues because of shitty internet trolls. i don't give a fuck if someone you don't like speaking about their experiences hurts your feelings- you are the problem here.

this is affecting real people in real time and i care about that. i care about people, not stupid ideologies and fighting over who is or isn't "really trans". i care about people, not fighting over labels. open your mind and understand that is is about real ass people, and not just ideologies. trans men and mascs are real ass people. they're not antagonists made specifically to attack and piss off transfemmes and trans women. enough of this.

[loveemagicpeace]

North node in Pisces & South Node in Virgo🦋🧜🏼‍♀️☁️

Pisces is a signs that is the most dreamy, illusional. You can expect a lot of things to be very spiritual. People can talk a lot more about mental health and things that are not seen. You will be much more committed to your world and to believing in something you believe in more.

*Sparkles ,shiny things, ocean, crystals, magical things, cakes, nostalgia, just vibing alone by the river ,listening to the music, cute things, hugs, hopeless romantic things. *

Love that is expressed in a much more selfless way. During this time, you can meet many people with whom you share a more magical path. Soulmates type of vibes. Love can become different, unconditional and sacrificial. During this time, you can sacrifice more for the people you love. Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind type of love. Messy things, white dress with crystals. Having magical days. Connecting with your inner self, meditating, getting to know your subconscious. Sunsets & Sunrise. Magical path to stars. Finding imperfections in everything and loving it. With the North Node in Pisces, we're drawn to go deeper, beyond the obvious. Finding meaning in life is essential.

Feeling fulfilled and connected to the universe is incredibly important. Searching for answers beyond what's visible or measurable is a fundamental human drive. We are learning that it is okay not to have an answer, it is okay not to understand what is going on, it is okay not to know exactly where we are going. Just going with the flow - the fool (tarot card) journey. Things don't have to be logical or make any sense. Just you knowing and believing that this things exist it is enough. Believe in magic.

South node in Virgo

Forgetting what hard work feels like forgetting everything, not being perfect. Change the routine you have had so far and follow your body more closely. Give up the work you've been doing so far and take a new, better path. Wear something you feel comfortable in and don't wear something just to please others or to look good. Eat healthier foods. It will help you release the need to micromanage and over-analyze. This opens space for creativity and emotional connection. And there's no rush! Doing things more slowly.

In Virgo, the South Node's focus will be to clear up the path so we can actually make progress and navigate effectively. It could also mean exploring different approaches to diet and exercise. Instead, it encourages us to find ways of adjusting our lifestyle that feel natural and sustainable for our unique needs. We're likely to see shifts in how we run our lives and operate on a day-to-day basis.

The South Node in Virgo is an invitation to release the excessive need for control, perfectionism, and rigid planning, while still appreciating the value of order, organization, and effort. This combination of energies reflects a general inclination towards overthinking, overanalyzing, and overworrying. Ultimately, this transit teaches us to let go of impossible ideals and expectations, accept our humanness, and acknowledge the beauty in imperfection.

If u have nodes reversed

The nodes in reverse transit challenge you to revisit the lessons of your North Node (Virgo) while simultaneously confronting the patterns of your South Node (Pisces). Virgo north node in chart-Your soul's growth path is about practicality, organization, discernment, and service. You're here to refine your boundaries and embrace the material world, focusing on creating tangible results.

South Node in Pisces: Your comfort zone involves spirituality, imagination, escapism, and an emotional connection to the collective. In past lives (or earlier in this life), you may have avoided practical concerns or become too absorbed in dreams and emotions.

You might feel drawn to spiritual practices, artistic expression, or moments of surrender. This is an opportunity to reconnect with your intuitive side and integrate it into your life without losing your grounded focus. Your Virgo North Node lessons may temporarily take a backseat as you're asked to reflect on whether your pursuit of order and practicality is serving your highest good—or if it's become rigid or overbearing. Themes of sacrifice, forgiveness, and emotional boundaries may come up. Be cautious of falling back into self-sacrificing patterns (South Node in Pisces) but remain open to deep emotional connection. This is an ideal time to deepen meditation, explore creative outlets (like poetry, music, or painting), or connect with mystical experiences.

The nodes in reverse transit challenge you to revisit the lessons of your North Node (Virgo) while simultaneously confronting the patterns of your South Node (Pisces). Virgo north node in chart-Your soul's growth path is about practicality, organization, discernment, and service. You're here to refine your boundaries and embrace the material world, focusing on creating tangible results.

South Node in Pisces: Your comfort zone involves spirituality, imagination, escapism, and an emotional connection to the collective. In past lives (or earlier in this life), you may have avoided practical concerns or become too absorbed in dreams and emotions.

You might feel drawn to spiritual practices, artistic expression, or moments of surrender. This is an opportunity to reconnect with your intuitive side and integrate it into your life without losing your grounded focus. Your Virgo North Node lessons may temporarily take a backseat as you're asked to reflect on whether your pursuit of order and practicality is serving your highest good—or if it's become rigid or overbearing. Themes of sacrifice, forgiveness, and emotional boundaries may come up. Be cautious of falling back into self-sacrificing patterns (South Node in Pisces) but remain open to deep emotional connection. This is an ideal time to deepen meditation, explore creative outlets (like poetry, music, or painting), or connect with mystical experiences.

For Rising Signs

Aries Rising: The North Node in Pisces will activate your 12th house, urging you to embrace spiritual growth, solitude, and deep introspection. It's a time to let go of control and trust the unseen forces of the universe. The South Node in Virgo in your 6th house will challenge you to release perfectionism in your daily routines and work habits while balancing your need for practical organization with intuitive flow.

Taurus Rising: The North Node in Pisces highlights your 11th house, focusing on spiritual connections, dreams, and your role in the collective. You may feel drawn to compassionate friendships and humanitarian efforts. The South Node in Virgo in your 5th house asks you to release overcritical tendencies in your creative expression or love life and to embrace joy without judgment.

Gemini Rising: The North Node in Pisces will activate your 10th house, asking you to align your career with your higher purpose and to trust your intuition in professional matters. The South Node in Virgo in your 4th house invites you to let go of the need for control in family dynamics or home life and to create a balance between work and emotional grounding.

Cancer Rising: With the North Node in Pisces in your 9th house, you're encouraged to explore spiritual teachings, higher learning, and the bigger picture of life. Let your intuition guide you toward personal growth. The South Node in Virgo in your 3rd house asks you to release overthinking and excessive focus on small details in communication and daily interactions.

Leo Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 8th house brings transformation, deep emotional healing, and a focus on spiritual intimacy. You're encouraged to surrender to the mysteries of life and trust in rebirth. The South Node in Virgo in your 2nd house challenges you to let go of material security or overly analytical approaches to finances, focusing instead on emotional and spiritual wealth.

Virgo Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 7th house shifts your focus toward spiritual partnerships and relationships based on compassion and unconditional love. It's a time to open your heart and trust in deeper connections. The South Node in Virgo in your ist house asks you to release self-critical tendencies and embrace a more intuitive approach to your identity.

Libra Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 6th house brings attention to holistic healing, spiritual practices, and service to others. You're invited to align your daily routines with emotional and spiritual well-being. The South Node in Virgo in your 12th house urges you to release guilt, overthinking, and tendencies to self-sacrifice behind the scenes.

Scorpio Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 5th house encourages you to explore creativity, romance, and joy with a spiritual or imaginative touch. It's time to embrace vulnerability in self-expression. The South Node in Virgo in your 11th house challenges you to release overly critical judgments of your social circle and to embrace a more compassionate view of friendships and group dynamics.

Sagittarius Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 4th house highlights emotional healing, spiritual connection to your roots, and finding peace in your private life. It's a time to create a sanctuary for your soul. The South Node in Virgo in your 10th house asks you to let go of perfectionism in your career or public image and to prioritize inner fulfillment over external validation.

Capricorn Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 3rd house inspires intuitive communication, spiritual learning, and imaginative thinking. Trust your instincts in how you share ideas. The South Node in Virgo in your 9th house challenges you to release rigid belief systems or overanalyzing philosophical concepts, encouraging a more fluid approach to personal growth

Aquarius Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 2nd house invites you to align your values with compassion, spirituality, and emotional richness. It's a time to trust your intuition in financial matters. The South Node in Virgo in your 8th house encourages you to let go of obsessive control over shared resources or deep emotional entanglements and to embrace trust and flow.

Pisces Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 1st house calls you to embrace your spiritual identity, intuitive gifts, and compassionate leadership. It's a time of self-discovery and authenticity. The South Node in Virgo in your 7th house asks you to release overcritical tendencies in relationships and to allow partnerships to flow with grace and understanding.

-Rebekah🦋☁️🧜🏼‍♀️

[zoswriting]

❝shoto’s world.❞ ✧ ೃ༄

⤷ synopsis : cute (i hope) little shoto head canons

⤷ a/n : i think most of these probably are just the stereotypical shoto hcs, but with my own twist. i think. i hope. perchance?

⤷ warnings : fluff, absolutely not proofread whatsoever, i’m writing this at the ass-crack of dawn and my brain isn’t working (but it will always work enough for shoto), mentions of scars (second paragraph), g/n reader, age not specified—feel free to choose

➺ i think we all know how touch deprived this baby is. he needs physical touch, and he’s been needing it so desperately for years. he’d practically jump at any opportunity to touch you, or just be touched by you. although yes, he’s typically seen to be cold and distant to people, he is not like that with you. behind closed doors, this man is the clingiest thing ever. more often than not, you find yourself lying down on your bed with his head laying on your stomach, his arms tucked under your torso as he desperately tries to get closer to you.

➺ along those same lines, he’s a sucker for having his scars touched. not just the one on his eye, but every scar that can be seen. again, in bed, at night, whilst you try to fall asleep, you’ll find yourself tracing the familiar scarred tissue on his arms—which originated from countless villains and fights—with such precision, such tenderness, like you’re worried you’ll break him if you press too hard. and he loves it. it lulls him to sleep every time.

➺ his nicknames for you include the usual ‘love’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘darling’, anything cute, really. but, slap a ‘my’ in front of it? you’re melting, and he loves when you do. whenever he implements the nickname into your regular, day-to-day conversations, it’s like a reminder that you’re really his, and he’d like to keep it that way.

➺ you tease each other a lot for very silly stuff. for example, if he ever complains about something small, you’ll go ‘awh, poor thing”, and he’ll just glare at you and tease you back and say ‘yea? well, the other day, were you not just saying this?’ it’ll go on for a while. my guy will have receipts on stand-by; he’s very serious when it comes to being a tease.

➺ dear god, his death glare. literally pierces into your soul. for someone who’s usually so soft around you and the people he truly loves, you really do wonder how the hell he’s even capable of such an expression. but, then again, he is one of the strongest people you’ve ever met, so i guess it checks out. either way, one glare can get you to do his bidding in milliseconds. even just an eyebrow raise gets you rethinking whatever you said no to. he knows how to get you.

➺ if you have siblings, he won’t fully understand the whole ‘siblings are mean to each other as an act of love’ kind of thing. he may see you and your siblings insulting each other to no end, saying things that you’d probably get cancelled for if you said them in public, but he genuinely will not know it’s playful and in good heart (well, i’d hope… right?) and will defend you no matter what. he’ll go on a full tangent, too. your sibling insults your face? “don’t say that. i think you’ll find that their face is perfect, actually.” and will literally start analysing every single feature, pointing out why he thinks it’s so pretty. you have to tell him “sho, siblings do this all the time”, but the boy just doesn’t understand.

➺ i know a lot of people say he’s dense—which he is, don’t get me wrong—but i believe that with you, he’s starting to learn a little more about society. he’ll even quote random tiktok trends; you once found him on the phone to his brother saying “it’s giving material girl”, and you burst out laughing. he couldn’t figure out for the life of him what was wrong with what he said.

➺ the biggest gentleman there is. he’s got everything down to a t—the sidewalk rule, holding your hand, redirecting you if you’re about to bump into something, princess treatment, opens doors for you and gestures you inside first before he enters, even placing his hand on a corner when you bend down to pick something up. this man does not play about his love.

➺ will spoil you to no end. that’s it. no further explanation needed. even if you say time and time again you don’t actually need an item, you’re just looking at it for the sake of looking, he will buy. you’ll find it in your possession by the end of the day.

➺ similarly, he would definitely fund all of your interests with no hesitation. you like books? bam. you now have a library. you like to write? bam. he’s sorted out publishers. you like to draw? suddenly you have every art supply in the world. even the expensive stuff, he’ll go out of his way to make sure you have everything you want for your hobbies. you collect figurines but can’t afford to keep up with them because, jesus christ, they are expensive? no worries, he’s already bought all the ones you want without you even having a moment to think.

[deansapplepie]

Use me as you Wish

Summary: Catherine Greene’s life was upside down and Daryl’s hopes were shattered in a million pieces. They found some solace in each other that night.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Catherine Greene (OC)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: mentions about death, mentions of putting people down, mentions of sickness, smut, sex, unprotected p in v, cum eating (?), vulnerability, Cath is 30 yo. Slightly proof read, so may contain mistakes. Minors do not interact, 18+.

A/N: there’s been years I don’t write and OC and I don’t write in first person, so I’m somehow excited about it and anxious too. I wanted to create an OC again and I had this wish of writing a Greene character different from the ones I usually see on the stories and how I actually think would be a Hershel daughter in a relationship with Daryl and also how I think Hershel would have reacted. No Hershel here, but here is my Greene OC on this first piece of story. Also, nothing against other Greene readers or OCs I saw around, I just wanted to do mine.

I didn’t want this first story to be smut, but it looks like everything I touch becomes smut. 😅

I never believed the dead people walking around were actually sick, I saw sick people before. I saw my stepmom and step brother getting sick and eventually dying. Those were not them anymore but they looked like them and because of that I didn’t do anything when my dad locked them in the old barn. What could I do? We had no information about anything anymore so I just trusted whatever my father believe, who could be wiser than him at the moment? Later I learned the dead people should be put ‘dead’ again, but I would never have it in me to do that to ‘them’. I also didn’t do anything as he continued to lock neighbors and other ones that were found wandering around the farm. I couldn’t kill a chicken, would I ever be able to kill one of those creatures? I didn’t know how to shoot, I also didn’t know how to stab. Once, my dad tried to teach me how to kill a pig, I missed the heart and just put the poor thing into more suffering.

All that being said, the mixed feelings I had, when the group that came from Atlanta opened the barn and shoot one after the other, the neighbors and my family, could be easily explained. Well, some people could understand that at the same time I felt relieved they were put to rest and we didn’t had to worry with the danger, I also felt sorrow because if there was any hope they could be cured or brought back, it didn’t exist anymore.

After that so many things happened and I didn’t know exactly how but I remember one minute I was in the kitchen and the next I was standing in the middle of his camp a recipient with dinner in my hand, offering peace, maybe? Since they arrived I couldn’t take my eyes from him and he would haunt my thoughts night and day, like a teenage girl with a crush, but the thing was… I was far from this.

The curiosity brought me closer to him, or as close as he would allow me. I tried to help as much as I could about the girl they were looking for, I brought to them the things my dad allowed us to share with them, I helped taking care of him when he got injured. So we would talk, he was witty, sassy and grumpy. He was masculine, rustic and handsome. I was bewitched by him, and he didn’t even know he could do this.

“Watcha doing here?” I was startled by his voice, lost in my thoughts in the middle of his camp which he had changed for a place farther than everyone’s.

“I brought you dinner, you didn’t join us.” I answered calmly although I sensed the bitter tone in his voice.

“What? Did ya expect me to join you after all that happened and play house?” He towered me, the moonlight iluminated his skin… he was so handsome, but also could be intimidating. I constantly felt intimidated, but there was just something to him that kept me going on.

“I… I never expected it, Daryl. Never wanted you to act as if nothing happened. I know how much effort you put on it.”

“Yeah… why did ya hid the fact the girl was there all that time? Why didn’t ya say anything about the barn?” By that time he knew none of us knew Sophia was there, but I got it. He was upset. He was upset with me, I never said anything about the barn. That was something I knew. Something I could have shared.

“I was scared, ok? My dad said to not tell a thing! Do you think I ever felt comfortable having them so close?” My voice tone got higher for the first time.

“Didn’t seem uncomfortable ta me.” His eyes burned into mine, eyes so gentle before seamed able to make a hole into my soul at any moment.

“I was! It was so difficult knowing my stepmother and stepbrother were there. I couldn’t do anything for them.” I still remembered the day we locked them there.

“Could’ve put an end on this for them.” It’s so easy to say it when you’re Daryl Dixon.

“Could I? You saw how I shoot, you saw how I hold a knife all kind of wrongs! Do you think I could have done that and survived?” Our chests were pretty much against each other and how we got this close is still a mystery to me.

I could listen to his breath, loud and raged. I felt his chest every time he breathed. His warm breath fanned over my face and his blue eyes that bored into my brown ones had something that I couldn’t read this time. Was it understanding? Defiance? There was something else in it. “Cath…” The nickname rolled easy from his tongue it was the first time he didn’t called me Catherine or any other silly nickname he decided to use.

“Yes?” I answered breathlessly, the air had been stolen from my lungs, my eyes glued to his face, descended to his lips, the same lips I had seen my name rolling from.

My lips were parted as if they seek for air, his eyes descended to them and in the next moment I understood that when my nickname left his lips, that was an alert, a warning. I wouldn’t listen to it anyways. His lips crashed against mine, fervent, urgent, a surprise I was willing to reciprocate. All those days feeling bothered, flustered… the attraction I felt for him finally having the upper hand.

When I hit my back against a tree, I noticed we had walked and now his body pressed me to it. The recipient with his food? I had no idea where I lost it. One of his hands laid on my waist while the other grabbed my thigh lifting my leg and pressing our centers together.

“Tell me ta stop… tell me…” His lips hovered mine, so close but stopping the kiss completely.

“Daryl… use me.” The words I never expected saying left my lips. “Do everything you want, use me as you wish…” I murmured feverishly, I would be lying if I said he was the only one that was going to use someone. I was also using him, at that moment I just wanted to forget. Forget everything that happened earlier, forget my dad had disappeared, forget the state Beth was in the moment and to begin with… forget how angry he was at me when that conversation began.

He crashed his lips against mine again, my back pressioned against the tree. My legs locked around his waist and his fingers burried in the flash of my thighs, his hands were warn against my skin my dress skirt rising up. I put my arms around his neck and my finger locked around his short hair.

We stopped the kiss, gasping for air, but not for too long. He walked with me on his arms taking me to his tent and laying on the cot, not very delicately I must say, but at that moment I didn’t mind. I needed him. Fast. Raw. Primal.

I kicked my boots the faster I could. He took off my dress urgently, his eyes popping when he noticed I didn’t wear a bra. I sensed he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He immediately mouthed one of my breasts, nibbling it and swirling his tongue around the erected nipple, I caressed the back of his head pressing his face more against me. “Oh, Daryl…” I moaned, as he bit my skin harshly. That would definitely leave a mark, thankfully a hidden one. He changed his attention to the other one, it was delicious.

When I said he could use me, I thought he would do it, think only about him, but here he was making me feel so good. Maybe, he needed this and I had told him to use me as he wished, hadn’t I?

I heard the noise of his belt being unbuckled and excitement rushed through me. His mouth left my skin and before I had the chance of doing anything, or taking a peak at his hard cock, he got me in a sitting position. He was on his knees, sitting on his legs, and me? Well, he lifted me to sit on him, his hand descended to my clothed pussy, the anticipation consuming me… He put my panties aside and positioned his cock with my entrance going all the way in in just one swift movement. A loud cry left my lips while he groaned, almost painfully.

“Ya okay?” He asked, talking for the first time since we started.

“Yeah, just keep going. I need this, we need this.” I was so full all at once that it felt a little overwhelming but that’s how it was supposed to be. That’s what I wanted to feel.

He helped moving me up and down on him, he trusting his hips against mine. My lips encountered his one more time, I could never get enough of it. Our kiss muffled his groans and my moans, his hand grabbed firmly on my waist and thigh, his fingers imprinting on my soul.

His mouth descended to my jaw, my neck and went back to my breasts where he got back to his earlier work. Definitely a tits man, or maybe just a man that knew how to appreciate a women’s body because the way he grabbed my thighs and ass… I continued pressing his face against my skin, my hand on his nape locked on his short hair while our hips moved frantically against each other making the most sinful sounds.

I was close, that coil was building in my lower stomach and my walls contracted around him. “Daryl… I’m close…” I felt it could be at any moment.

“Come on, kitten. Let it go… cum fer me.” He said by my ear when he raised his face.

I crumbled in one big electrifying wave, my hips moving aimlessly, my head thrown back as my body convulsed against his. His voice muffled by my excited brain that couldn’t focus on anything but pleasure. His cock twitched inside me and that moment as a device I clicked back to reality as he lifted my body and hot spurts of his spending painted our torsos. That was probably the hottest thing I ever saw.

When he seamed that be back at his senses, he looked at my body taking in the mess we had done, and as ‘mess’ it could have many different interpretations. What was he thinking about? It was so difficult to know, till he moved and his hand made it’s way up my body ‘cleaning’ the cum he had let printed on me, just shove 2 fingers inside my mouth… which I cleaned, no questioning, just savoring the salty flavor of his seed mixed with our sweats. I just accept whatever he wanted from me, I told him to use me. Didn’t I?

He took a rag from somewhere inside his tent and cleaned our bodies, silent, no words and no harshness. Very delicate if compared to the way he manhandled me to whatever he wanted. When he finished putting my dress again and dressing his pants, I started to look for my boots and was stopped by him.

“Stay.” He said, freezing me in place. Again he surprised me, I never expected he would want me to stay. I never took him for a bad person or a man that would just throw away the women he conquered, but I new he had his boundaries and I wasn’t really expecting for that. He wanted comfort.

“Ok.” I answered and stopped looking for my boots and started looking for the place where we’d lay to sleep.

Daryl Dixon never stopped to amaze me.

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[lildrownedrat]

Not to start an argument, I completely understand and agree with your points in your posts! I just felt I could explain my point better. I don't/didn't want to take away from your point, just add my own two cents.

I have autism and ADHD, I just saw/felt that Taash related to my autism specific traits a lot more than my ADHD traits, personally. But I wouldn't argue if someone wanted to make the statement more general and say Taash is neurodivergent/ a good example of neurodivergent representation.

Yes, it's never explicitly stated that Taash is autistic but I saw a lot of my own story reflected in theirs that just isn't there in other characters. From the way they spoke and interacted with others, to things they mention in conversations with Rook and the other companions- like their trouble regulating their emotions, not remembering to do basic everyday tasks because their mind is occupied, feeling like they're just all together "wrong", having to sort through what's masking, what's you, and what everyone around you wants you to be. Often, good "representations" of neurodivergency aren't labeled as such. I think of examples like Katniss Everdeen and the Belcher Family. Many autistic people find that these characters just do a really great job at describing and portraying our perspective on things, unlike other characters. If a significant number of neurodivergent people are saying they see their story being told through Taash, I think there's some value in that.

I also see people criticize Taash using the same arguments they use against neurodivergent people in real life. "Taash is rude because they speak bluntly without a filter," but if you pay even a little bit of attention to them, you see they are actually really caring and sweet. "Taash is immature because they rely on their mother too much," but it's a lot of neurodivergent people's experience to need extra support from someone close to us. "Taash's dialogue is awkward," because they say things at the wrong time and don't always word it right. I just wanted to call this out because neurodivergent people are seeing how Taash is being discussed and for a character that shares a lot of our struggles, it's tiring.

Basically, what I'm saying is that I also didn't think Taash was an example of poor representation and I hate that that's a large majority of the opinions I see of them. I think they represented my story as an autistic, nonbinary, person of color very well. Their storyline wasn't about "fixing" how they talk to people, or telling them to get new interests- because these aren't character flaws, they're just traits and I LOVE that!

We just need to keep in mind the intersectionality of the stories being told through these characters. A neurotypical nonbinary person may not understand Taash's story, just like a white nonbinary person probably wouldn't relate to them as much. That doesn't mean they're a bad nonbinary representation.

I also think it's extremely important to point out that autistic people are resonating with them so that neurotypical people can learn more about what it means to be autistic.

(sorry for so many edits and revisions! Also sorry if there's any spelling of grammar mistakes. 😅 I'll try to fix them if I catch them)

I’ve kinda said this before and i’ll certainly say it again, taash is written incredibly well and accurately to the specific experience of being a 2nd-gen queer 22 yo. The way they talk, the awkwardness, the struggle to find words for queerness when you were never taught them in your first language and thus only know them in your second. They are the most accurate and well-written depiction i’ve ever seen of those experiences. However, most of you appear to a) not be queer, b) not be diasporic, and c) are not in your 20s, and thus have no concept of what those experiences are like and thus are criticizing writing around experiences you have no context for and no idea of how that should be written.

Like idk, i wouldn’t roll out the gate criticizing the writing of queer characters that grew up in fundamentalist christain households bc idk what that shit’s like. My parents are asian, they celebrate me getting an interview at los alamos, not getting a boyfriend. I’m fundamentally cannot tell you if that’s a well-written depiction bc i have little context for that.

[theambitiouswoman]

Do you have relationship advice for a woman in her mind 20s whose never dated? I have Muslim immigrant parents, social anxiety, trauma and some body image issues which has led me to just never try. I've been on one date that never went anywhere despite being 25. I want to start trying to date more seriously but I feel like I'm too old to start when everyone around me has been dating since they were teenagers, and some are even married and have kids. I feel like my lack of experience will be a red flag to people, and even if I lie about my experience, they'll probably figure out I'm lying once they see that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

Dating at 25 might feel late, but it’s not—everyone’s timeline is different, and starting now means you’re likely more self aware and intentional. Your lack of experience isn’t a red flag; it’s just part of your story. I know a lot of social circles where your limited relationship history basically makes you a trophy, a unicorn. So it is all about perspective. Any person who's interested in you wont look at this negatively, at all. And that is if they even care about your past history. The right person will value your honesty and authenticity, so there’s no need to lie. Instead, embrace vulnerability and say something like, “I am focusing on myself." I phrased it like that for a reason. You don't want to be an over eager girl anyway. Men love the hunt and a woman who is focused on herself is only going to make a guy more interested.

Start small to build confidence—practice conversations in low-pressure settings or join activities where you can meet people naturally. I would focus on casual, low pressure dates to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Not thinking about it going anywhere, just getting to know people. I say this because I am worried that with your limited experience, you might fall for mens lies or wont know how to navigate certain situations. Wouldn't want you to get hurt. This doesn't mean not to take yourself or your desire for relationships seriously!!!

Don’t compare yourself to others. Many who started dating young may not have the emotional clarity you’re developing now. Everyones journey is different. If i could do it all again, I would have 1000% waited to date later (was actually thinking about this a week ago). Focus on what you want in a partner and take your time. Dating is a skill, and every step—even awkward moments—helps you learn. You are beautiful, special and unique and not just anyone is worthy of you, so you shouldn't be in a hurry to make anyone your boyfriend either!! They have to earn you! :)

[naughtyneganjdm]

Threads of Desire: A Christmas to Remember - Chapter 6

Summary: Working one one one with Guy is not what Y/N expects it to be and when she leaves work, she has to come face to face with the decisions that she made the night before with Negan.

Characters: Negan Smith, the reader (OC), Guy, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61111030/chapters/159641806

Warnings: 18+, Swearing, Cheating, Angst, Smut, Heavy Touching, Oral etc.

Notes: Now that one of my other stories is finished, I will do my best to update this as much as I can so I can get it finished. Thanks to anyone that reads. Sorry life got so busy. If you want to read the other chapters, be sure to check them out here.

No sleep was something that Y/N had pretty much gotten used to over these last few days. By now? She was living on caffeine. Today she was surprised she could even keep her head up. After everything happened last night, Daryl had stayed over until it was time for her to start getting ready for work. So that meant the only sleep she got was between the time she crashed after getting home yesterday and when Negan came over.  Caffeine was pretty much her lifeline right now and she was incredibly thankful for it. Especially today since Guy had personally requested her to work one on one with him. That was a big surprise. For the last four years all she had been was Maggie’s sidekick. Now she was actually working with the owner of the company on a big project. It was shocking that Guy would even trust her touching something like this or respect her opinion at all. Being a glorified slave working under Maggie really didn’t give her the right to an opinion.

Yawning out, Y/N turned her head to gaze over at the clock on the wall of Guy’s office. While she was enjoying getting to work on what she was, it was getting pretty dark outside. It was a very long days’ worth of work. Surprisingly? Guy was very much dedicated completely to working today. Everything was very detailed, full of information to help her work efficiently and they made a decent team. By his actions, it felt like Guy was training her for a certain position and it was her first day on the job. If this was someone’s first day on the job though, they would have never had to work this much. This was a lot for someone who had been working in Maggie’s position for years. Someone who was just starting? If they didn’t know what Y/N did, they may have fallen on their face with everything Guy was throwing on them.

Getting to work with Guy today meant that it left Maggie all alone to herself. Amusingly enough, Y/N couldn’t think of the last time that Maggie had ever worked alone. Maybe in her first few weeks on the job before she got Y/N hired as her assistant? Regardless, Maggie was very startled when she learned today that Guy requested Y/N to work with him. Multiple times Maggie tried to insert herself into what they were doing, but Guy never allowed it. That didn’t stop Maggie from making her presence known when she would walk in multiple times during the day to see what they were working on.

Shaking her head, Y/N tried waking herself up enough to finish her work. Today Guy had started her day off with a coffee and breakfast that he bought for her. And when lunch came along, he got her another coffee with their lunch. Even with two coffees, she was doing her best to stay awake.

Shifting in her seat, she stole a quick look behind her to see that the office was completely dark except for the backup lights that remained on during the night. Considering how long they had been here? It was obvious that the two of them were the last people there. Maggie had gone home hours ago and she knew that because Maggie came in to tell them that. There was no longer any daylight coming in from the windows and Guy’s office was the only place on this floor that was lit up. Being alone with Guy certainly was a strange feeling, but it didn’t bother her all that much.

Turning back to her work, she straightened up her posture hoping that she didn’t appear to be bored. It was then she saw across from the large table in Guy’s office that he was staring out at her from the other end of it. His elbow was resting on the table with his hand holding his head up from where it was resting in his palm. Having his big, brown eyes locked on her made her nervous. When their eyes locked, he gave her a big smile and she returned the gesture with a smaller smile.  

“I think we need to add some more shots of espresso to your lattes when we get you them next time. Pump you up with caffeine. I expect my employees to keep going for as long as I need them,” Guy winked, adjusting his body to get more comfortable in the seat that he was in. Reaching for the pencil that was on the table, he started sketching at something again. Hopefully that wasn’t him upset with her.

“Sorry,” she frowned forcing herself to continue looking through the paperwork that Guy had given her about an upcoming show that they were having. “I just haven’t slept much over the last few days. I promise I’ll do better tomorrow.”

“You’re doing fine today,” Guy assured her keeping his focus centered in on his work, “If this is what you’re like on little to no sleep, I think we’ll be lucky to see you work well rested.”

“Thanks,” she was surprised to hear Guy say that, but she was going to take the compliment. Giving her a nod, Guy cleared his throat. Wiggling his finger at her, he motioned her to him. Standing up from where she was seated, she moved around the table and looked at the drawing that he had done. “This is for the winter collection?”

“It is,” Guy leaned back in his chair observing her gazing upon the drawing. “There is something that you don’t like about it.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” she began, biting down on her bottom lip realizing that she was stepping out of line. It wasn’t her place to give her opinion on things like this. “You know what? No. Never mind. It looks great. I’m sure when you make it, people will love it.”

“No, no…” Guy reached out to snatch her hand to pull her back toward his end of the table. Standing up, Guy forced her to take a seat in his chair. “If you think there is something I could do better, show me. I need a moment to stand anyways.”

“I don’t want to offend you, I just know it’s the main piece for the show and…” she started, a rush of liquid warmth flooding throughout her body with Guy hushing her. Shaking his head, he leaned forward to grab the pencil and handed it to her. “Can I talk it out with you first?”

“I’m listening,” he muttered, grunting out with him stretching out his body by raising his arms up in the air. The movement drew his shirt to lift to reveal his lower abdomen causing her to swallow down loudly. Forcing herself to look away, she started to anxiously erase at the parts of his design that she thought could use some work.

“I just think it’s very simple for something that was made by you. You like to stun and wow people. It was the thing that drew me to you from the start. It’s not that you go overboard, it’s just that you add something unique. Different. It’s what makes you…well you. It’s what let’s someone know they are wearing the Vixen brand.”

Pressing his hand in against the back of the seat and bracing his weight on the table beside the drawing, Guy watched her draw out what she was thinking when adding to his design. It made him smile when she seemed to get lost in her idea until the very end. And when she was done, she pushed the art before him with a nervous glance.

“If you hate it, that’s okay. It’s easy to erase and go back to what you want,” she thought aloud with Guy looking it over. Anxiety was eating away at her with the person she had admired most of her life finally getting a real look at her work. “I guess it’s kind of a nod to one of your original pieces from years ago. Just a little bit different. That was a piece for spring though, so we want something more…”

“Like this,” Guy commented with a firm nod of his head, sucking at his bottom lip. Moving over toward his desk he set the drawing down and gave her a thumbs up. “I’ll see what I can do. You keep surprising me. You know that?”

“In a good way, I hope,” she noted moving back over toward where she was sitting originally to get back to work on what she was doing before. Moving across the office, Guy sat on the edge of the table and motioned her to stop.

“Both yesterday and today I have been going out of my way to quiz you on what you know,” Guy explained to her, reaching up to brush his fingers through his dark hair. “And you haven’t missed a step. Not once. You know more about this company than I think Maggie does.”

Well, that was a true statement, but she didn’t know how honest she wanted to be with him, “I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Oh no, it’s very true,” Guy claimed, stroking his fingers down over the side of his chiseled jawline. “You know way too much for someone who is just a personal assistant. I mean, I know they say the nurses are better at the doctor’s job than the actual doctor, but this is a little too on the nose.”

Forcing herself to look down, she cleared her throat and attempted to reach for the work to finish again, but Guy pushed it back on the table. Outstretching his hand, he faintly grabbed her chin to get her to look up at him, “You really do admire the shit outta me, don’t you?”

“Maggie’s words?” she wondered with Guy giving her a firm nod, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “If you mean admire you in the way that you’re the whole reason I got into this business, then yeah. I do. I did.”

“Did?” he repeated the word with her sliding back in her chair and getting him to release her face in a way that wasn’t rude, just a way that showed she didn’t want to be touched like that right now.

“You’re kind of a dick,” she responded getting a deep rumble of a laugh to fall from Guy’s throat. That was probably too bold of a thing to say, especially since she had been working with him all day. “You haven’t looked at me once in four years. But suddenly you see me one night in Maggie’s apartment while you are fucking her and you end up liking my breasts. So now I’m okay?”

“Let’s work this out together,” his voice was deep, a rumble of a growl falling from his lips. In the moment his accent was quite thick and it made her sigh. She’d be a fool to say that Guy wasn’t attractive. He was. A lot of things about this man were very charming, but there was still that rage for him that she had. “Let me ask you this. What have you done in the last four years to make me notice you?”

“Exist?” she pointed out, her eyebrows full of emotion when she shifted uncomfortably before him in the seat. “Do you know how many times I passed you in the hallway or how many times you came into that office and you never saw me?”

“I don’t want to lie to you,” he began, thinking over what he was about to say and he threw his hands up in the air. “I’m not gonna hide it from you. I’m an asshole. I’m arrogant. I’m rude. I do think only a certain type of person deserves my time. But when you impress me, I will treat you very fucking well. I came from nothing, I worked my ass off to get here and I’ll be damned if someone tries to make me feel bad for that. Yes, I missed out on some incredible talent with you. I recognize that, but you accepted your position. If you would have come to me and talked to me. Maybe something would have happened.”

“Jesus,” she scoffed, looking away from Guy. It had a lump growing in her throat with how eerily familiar that sounded. “I have been hearing that kind of thing a lot lately.”

“It was a long time ago that I hired Maggie on. I like people that have influence over others and at the time I thought that was her. And I thought she had talent,” he rambled on, his voice growing rasp. “I’m assuming you applied at the same time and I was unimpressed by your resume. Or maybe I saw Maggie’s first and I stopped looking after Maggie’s. Did you ever think of that?”

After that comment? Yeah, she started to feel pretty stupid.

“What if I’m willing to give you the job I originally gave Maggie when she first started?” Guy offered up, simply shrugging his shoulders and sighing. “I’ll give you that empty office down the hall. It’s not as big as Maggie’s, but it is still nice. And I’ll sign you on with a higher pay than Maggie had originally.”

“Why?” she didn’t understand how all of a sudden Guy was willing to put himself out there and give her the one thing she had wanted for most of her life.

“Because you’ve impressed me and before you even suggest it’s because of your tits,” he interrupted her thought process, holding his finger up to motion her to wait. Moving around the table and back to his desk, he grabbed the drawing she helped him alter and set it down before her. “It’s not. Maggie saw this before she left. And she said nothing. You? You made it better. You have endless fucking knowledge of this company and you sat in the shittiest possible position for four years. So maybe I’m fucking impressed and willing to give you what it is you finally want.”

Swallowing down hard, she didn’t know what to say and it had Guy throwing his hands up again, “So, what’s your answer? If I’m willing to write up a contract, will you take the job?”

“When?” she breathed out, her eyes lifting as she adjusted again in her chair.

“I’ll have you keep working with me until the end of the year and then on the second, we’ll officially start you. I’ll start paying you now for it though,” Guy offered, lowering down to sit on the edge of the table again caressing his hands over his thighs. “I don’t know why you even look like you’re contemplating it. You would give yourself completely to me, right? And I mean in a workplace setting.”

“As much as I possibly can,” she agreed, nodding her head and tipping her head to the side when she considered her personal life. “While I would love to dedicate my entire life to things, I do have a daughter.”

“You have a…” Guy paused, his dark eyes growing big. “How did I not know that you have a daughter? What is your daughter’s name?”

“You didn’t know I existed five days ago,” she reminded him causing a dramatic roll of his eyes before he nodded with acknowledgement of her statement. “Her name is Jordyn. She’s eight years old and she comes first.”

“Jordyn? You mean like little Jordyn that runs around the office sometimes?” he muttered and it impressed her that Guy could even recognize a child in the office since he seemed so oblivious to the world around him. “You share a child with Maggie’s boyfriend?”

“Kind of,” she didn’t know how to answer that question, her chest aching at the thought. “Jordyn’s mom died when she was a baby and I’ve been taking care of her ever since. So while I’m not her biological mother, I’m…”

“Fuck that biological shit. My mother left me on the kitchen floor when I was two years old took off on me and I was raised by my stepmother who is more my mother than that bitch ever was,” Guy scoffed, waving his hand in the air dismissively. “Okay, then I understand. I will be understanding of you and your daughter. You have my word. I’ll work with you.”

Outstretching his hand, Guy held it before her and she knew that this was a big decision. There was the chance that Maggie could get angry with her, that Maggie would try to keep Jordyn away from her, but this was her dream. Leaning forward in the chair, she took Guy’s hand in hers and gave it a firm shake. With a faint smile, Guy released her and then headed over toward the desk to write a few things down.

“Okay, that’s enough work for today. Let me take you to dinner so we can celebrate your new job,” Guy offered reaching for his jacket to pull it on. Standing up from where she was seated, she headed for her belongings and started to put her jacket on too. “Do you like Italian food?”

“You’ve already bought me breakfast and lunch. Along with coffee,” she recalled with Guy stepping before her looking down upon her with his dark eyes. Amusement flooded his handsome features with her reminding him of all the things he had done for her today. “You want me to go home and sleep Guy. Tomorrow is Thursday. I have two more days of work to get through for you. And I haven’t slept all week.”

“Go to dinner with me, then you can go home and I’ll allow you to come in two hours late. How about that?” Guy stepped in close to her lowering his hands and making her nervous when he started to button her jacket together for her.

“You’re not my boss, Maggie is,” she reminded him of what the truth really was right now. “And I don’t think she’d be okay with that.”

“Well too damn bad. I’m Maggie’s boss which means I have the final say,” he nodded toward the door for her to leave. Grabbing her bag, she felt Guy’s hand pressing in over her lower back to lead her toward the elevator. It was strange walking through an empty office like this. Standing side by side with Guy felt awkward beneath the small amount of light that was still shining above them. Being this close to him had her heart hammering inside of her chest. Even though this was all still so nice, she couldn’t help but think of Negan’s warning yesterday about Guy wanting to have sex with her. And that might have been the only reason he was doing this. “I have to be honest with you about something. I lied. Maggie told me you applied on the night you came to her apartment. So yesterday I went back and found your resume. My assistant does a good job with filing things.”

That was a bizarre confession, especially since a few minutes ago he was acting like he didn’t even know that she applied, “And your resume was very impressive. Which does tell me I saw Maggie’s first. You had a hell of a recommendations list. All those professors backing you? Not one of them backed Maggie. Not even Negan Smith.”

“So you know his name?” she stammered, a smirk tugging at her features since he had only been referring to Negan as Maggie’s boyfriend. “Now do you know him for only being Maggie’s boyfriend or…”

“Everyone who is anyone knows who he is,” Guy stressed to her, giving her a quick glance from where she was standing. Moving forward, he pushed the button a few more times in irritation that the elevator wasn’t coming up faster. “I knew him from baseball and I knew of him from his work with the movies.”

“You hardly react when you see him,” she was impressed that Guy seemed to be a fan, but never showed it. “I would think you had no idea who he was if I had to make that kind of bet.”

“I can’t act like someone impresses me. It would look bad for me,” Guy admitted with a roll of his dark brown eyes. “Someone like me needs to pretend that they are the biggest person in the room. That’s just my attitude.”

“Maybe you can work a little on that,” she teased him drawing out another scoff from his lips. “Hey, people might like you better.”

“You’re a ball buster, you know that?” he smirked giving her an arch of his eyebrow. “The fact you let yourself be overshadowed for so long confuses me. You should have been walking into my office and demanding my attention. You would have gotten it if you let the real you shine through.”

“Good to know that my whole life I’ve been held back by not being too forward,” she noted realizing that it was a common thing everyone was telling her lately. An amused rumble fell from Guy with his handsome features locked on her. “Sorry.”

“No, I like the spiciness,” Guy explained, dropping his hands so that they were resting at his hips. “I do have a question though. And I hope it doesn’t offend you. Too much.”

“Oh boy,” she exhaled, finding herself entertained and preparing herself at the same time.

“Not once have you thrown yourself at me. We’ve been alone all day. And nothing,” Guy reminded her with a dramatic expression, tipping his head from side to side. “You didn’t even try to sneak in a grab here or there.”

“And neither did you,” she commented, clapping her hands together in a way that had Guy groaning under his breath in frustration. “I like working with you and we were just working. I want this job Guy. I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“I like working with you too,” Guy assured her, leaning forward and resting his shoulder against the wall. “But the question is still there. Why not make a move? Do you not find me attractive? Am I not your type?”

“Oh, you’re very much my type and you know you’re attractive. You use that to get what you want, which I applaud you for,” she responded, reaching out to place her hand in over his chest to pat over it in a playful manner. It had him flashing her a big smile that she knew in most cases she would be incredibly charmed by. “You’re hot. Your body is very nice. And if I met you in other circumstances, I would love to be fucked by you.”

“Jesus,” Guy slurred, his eyelids growing heavy with the way she just said that so straight forward. “I don’t understand what the problem is then. I’m attractive. You’re attractive. Why can’t two attractive people have sex?”

“You’re my boss,” she pointed out honestly finding herself wishing that the elevator would just make its way up to them. It was a few hours after what she assumed would be prime traffic time so she wasn’t understanding why it was taking so long. “That’s why?”

“Okay? And? We work good together. I bet we’d have good sex together,” Guy suggested, licking his lips and bobbing his head about. Most people would probably be offended by this point but she just found herself entertained with how hard he was trying. “Even today, we could have fucked on the desk and then got back to things. I can do that kind of thing.”

“I won’t lie to you Guy,” she began, stepping in closer to press her hand in over the side of his face. Unpredictably it made his eyes flutter to a close and she couldn’t believe she seemed to have that kind of effect on him at the moment. “I want you to respect me. And I want you to respect me for my work. Not because we had sex.”

Dragging her hand away, she went to hit the button a few more times with Guy’s dark brown eyes slowly fluttering to an open, “You were the person that I admired most going into this work. I’m flattered that you want to have sex with me and in most cases, I would jump at the idea. But I would rather be respected by you than fuck you.”

“God, you’re cute,” Guy scoffed, his nose wrinkling considering what she was saying. “I’m not just saying that because I am wildly attracted to you. I do respect you. The fact you haven’t slept with me? That says a lot. Usually most people I throw myself at don’t put up a fight.”

“I’m not surprised by that,” she chuckled, thankful that the elevator looked like it was starting to head up toward them. “You lay it on thick.”

“Maybe, but? I do mean it though. I will still respect you if we end up having sex,” Guy whispered causing her to burst out laughing. He laughed in response, throwing his hands up in the air as they spoke almost in a defense. “And I will still want you to work for me.”

“Do you just want to jerk off and come on my tits?” she inquired, her eyebrow arching in curiosity surprising him with her bluntness. “I mean, that’s what you focused pretty heavily on the other night in Maggie’s apartment.”

“You have nice breasts,” Guy defended himself, placing his hand firmly in over the center of his chest. “You can’t blame a guy for taking a shot at it.”

“I’ll accept the compliment,” she rolled her eyes nodding toward the elevator again. “But I don’t want to be like Maggie. I’m not going to let you come on my tits. No matter how hot the visual might be.”

“So you like the idea of me coming on your tits,” he commented getting a glare from her in response. “Okay, okay. You don’t have to be so sassy about it. But you telling me no? It just makes me want you so much more.”

“That’s typically how it goes,” she reasoned with Guy knowing that when someone had everything they had a hard time being denied when they finally were. She saw it with Maggie and she could see it with him. “You also had sex with Maggie by the way which really just makes me uncomfortable.”

“Now that is a lie,” Guy cracked with the doors opening up to the elevator. Holding his hand out, he let her get on the elevator first with her giving an odd expression. “You don’t care that I had sex with Maggie. I get there is some kind of thing going on between you and her, but if anything? If you really wanted to, I think your sex would be incredible because you’d have something to prove. To show me that you are better than her.”

“I am better than her,” she stammered, leaning back at her corner of the elevator. “I’m very good at what I do. I know my body well and I pay attention to details. Very well. If I rode your cock I would have you addicted to me, that’s how good I am.”

Some of the color drained from Guy’s face with his lips parting. Looking down toward his pants, Guy laughed and let out a tense breath, “And here I was thinking you were a good girl. You just made my dick hard by saying that. And you want me to act normal toward you? That shit just went out the window. I’m gonna picture you fucking riding the shit out of me all the time now. Every time I look at you.”

She couldn’t help laughing at the situation, he was throwing it out at her so she was just throwing it back at him using something similar that Daryl had told her the other night, “Thank you by the way.”

“For what? Getting an erection?” Guy grumbled under his breath, shoving his hands into his pockets to try to get the material pulled away from his body. “Or because I haven’t forced myself on you after that comment? Because if that’s the case, what’s the fun in that shit? I’d really much rather you wanting to do it.”

“No, not that,” she was quick to shake her head knowing that he was focusing pretty heavily still on the sex stuff. “You’ve actually really brought my self-esteem up. I wasn’t feeling too good about myself lately, but having someone as hot as you wanting to sleep with me? It’s kind of elevated things for me.”

“Oh, don’t tell people that I brought your self-esteem up. I might actually start to get known for being a good person,” Guy groaned, dramatically acting disgusted at the thought. “We need people to think I’m a bitchy asshole. It sells so much better than a nice, ego lifting person.”

“Wouldn’t want that,” she teased, shaking her head firmly. “You make me laugh. I think I should be offended by the things you say, but you make me laugh.”

“It’s because I’m good looking. If I was ugly and gross, you’d probably be offended,” Guy suggested throwing his hands up in the air getting a shocked expression from her. “Let’s be realistic here, I should have you running and getting me in trouble. But you’re one, too dedicated to this job and two, you’re flattered by it. You just told me that.”

“Did you go after Maggie this hard?” she couldn’t help but wonder getting a tiny laugh from Guy. “I assume the two of you are close.”

“No, I sleep with Maggie when I’m horny. Well, okay. No. I’m horny all the time. I sleep with Maggie when the opportunity presents itself and I have nothing else,” Guy explained to her, his head shaking as he spoke. “Maggie threw herself at me during something like what we just did together. I’m not going to turn away a blowjob by someone beautiful. You can call me an asshole for fucking around with someone who is dating another person, but I just don’t care. If someone wants to have sex with me and they are hot? As long as I have a condom or they do? I’m fucking ready to go. And even though Maggie is dating Mr. Smith there, I’m pretty sure she’s infatuated with that pizza boy. She only fucks me because she wants me to be in awe of her, but she’s just a fuck for me. I don’t view her as anything beyond that.”  

“That pizza boy?” she repeated what Guy had just said, her heart skipping a beat. What the hell did that mean?

“Yeah, the cute one that comes by all the time. Maggie is always buying pizza for the office just to see him,” Guy rambled on, waving his hand about when the elevator doors opened once they reached the main floor. “And no one really eats the pizza. Consider where we work honey. It’s obvious that it’s to get to see that cute boy.”

“I had no idea,” she admitted realizing that for once she didn’t pick up on the small details. Stepping forward, Guy placed his hand in over her lower back urging her forward out of the elevator. “I guess you have a better eye for detail than I do.”

“That’s why I’m the boss,” Guy winked, his fingers curling around her wrist to get her to stop. “So you do think I’m attractive though? For my ego.”

“Yes, I think you’re attractive,” she chuckled having his face flush over with red. “Why does the top fashion designer that used to be a model need me to tell them that they are good looking? You know you are.”

“Because you’re the only person crazy enough to tell me no,” Guy frowned, dropping his hands to his hips when he stood before her. “Okay. How about this? If you’re ever feeling incredibly depressed. I mean like…super, super down. We can pretend that you don’t work for me. You can show up at my apartment and we can spend hours having sex. I will happily work to make you feel better. It won’t change our working environment at all.”

“I’ll think about it,” she knew that it wasn’t going to be something that she would be brave enough to really do, but with Guy snapping his fingers at her, she knew that he saw it as hope. “It’s very unlikely you know.”

“Unlikely still means there is a chance,” he debated with a small laugh causing her to roll her eyes again. “And I promise it won’t change the fact I have respect for you and still want you to work for me. And the work environment thing…I mean, if you want to have sex in the bathrooms or something, that’d be kind of hot, but…”

“Enough,” she pushed at the center of his chest having his laugh growing since she was amused with his over-the-top antics. “You’re not what I pictured. You know that?”

“Right, you thought I was gay,” Guy responded, his eyebrow arching showing that he had heard her conversation with Maggie when they were at Maggie’s apartment. It had her stopping in her tracks, panicked when she realized that he knew that. “One thing I also have is incredible hearing.”

“I’m so sorry,” she was worried with how Guy would respond and he dramatically shook his head. “You heard all of that mess then. I’m sorry. You should have never heard all of that drama. And the things that were said about you.”

“Mhmm…” Guy smirked when she stopped to stare up at him. “I’m not offended that you thought I was gay Y/N. Most people probably assume that. I think Maggie did too until she saw me flirt with someone. I’m also aware why you won’t sleep with me. You know, beyond the whole wanting me to respect you thing.”

“And why is that?” she wondered, her heart skipping a beat when Guy pointed behind her. Looking over her shoulder, she let out a long exhale when she saw that Negan was sitting in the waiting area. Once they locked eyes, Negan stumbled to get up from the chair.

“You’re twitterpated with Maggie’s man,” Guy was quiet enough so that only she could hear him. “And I say fuck him. He wants to fuck you too. Look at the way he’s staring out at you with those puppy dog eyes. Desperate for your attention.”

“I don’t…” she shook her head, looking to Guy who gave her a smirk. “We’re just friends.”

“Right,” Guy smacked her ass as he stepped beyond her drawing out a tiny yelp from her. “We’ll take a raincheck on that dinner. Why don’t you go work your cowgirl skills on that man. And if you come in two hours late tomorrow, I’ll fully understand. I know what I would do if I were you right now and it would be to drain that beautiful man dry.”

“Guy!” she gasped at how forward he was being when he gave her a wink and headed for the doors.

Instead of responding, he just headed out of the building allowing Negan to approach her. Holding his cell phone at his side, Negan looked between her and then to the doors where Guy had left, “Negan? What are you doing here?”

“I uh…” Negan rubbed at the back of his neck showing the discomfort in his body. “I was waiting for you?”

“This long?” she replied with Negan giving her a small nod. Considering her work schedule normally would have had her getting off work hours ago, she wondered how long Negan had been sitting there waiting for her. “Why?”

“A few reasons really,” Negan began, his thick eyebrows bouncing up as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. “He didn’t…he didn’t hurt you, right? Like, force you to have sex or anything?”

“No, no he didn’t,” she promised him realizing that there was a genuine worry that Guy would have forcefully thrown himself on her. “We didn’t have sex. I won’t let that happen. I told you that.”

“I know you did,” Negan seemed shy in the moment, pulling his jacket closer to his body with him tipping his head back. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out and get a drink with me or something.  Maybe go somewhere to eat?”

“Why didn’t you just call me?” she wondered, realizing that she may have tried to end her workday earlier if Negan would have let her know that he was here. “You would have known I was working late and you wouldn’t have had to sit here that long.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t have answered,” Negan explained, his hazel eyes filled with an emotion she couldn’t read. After last night? He was probably right. Things were complicated now. They were no longer friends. They were something else. Two people who did something wrong. “Please? Can we just hang out and go somewhere?”

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea,” she admitted, wishing that she may have had warning to prepare herself for whatever she could say to Negan.

“Why not?” Negan frowned, his posture slouching forward with him visibly disappointed. “We’re friends. We should be able to hang out sometimes. Right? Just the two of us?”

“Because you’re Maggie’s boyfriend,” she reminded Negan hating to admit it, but it was true. There seemed to be a desperation in his features and she didn’t understand why. “Why are you suddenly so eager to spend time with me?”

“Why are you suddenly so eager to not want to spend time with me?” Negan threw that back out at her with her frowning. They were pretty much talking right now like what happened last night didn’t. And it made things weird. “We were so close for so long. Is it wrong for me to want that again? I just want the two of us to be close again. I miss you. I miss us.”

“And what about Maggie?” she brought up the elephant in the room. The thing that made all of this more complicated. “Doesn’t she want you home?”

“Maggie is supposed to meet up with her family tonight. So it doesn’t matter anyways,” Negan declared, reaching out to curl his fingers around her wrist loosely after she went to turn away from him. “Jordyn is spending the night at a friend’s house. And I want to spend my time with you. Please.”

“Damn it,” she cussed under her breath. With those big hazel eyes and the way his expression looked truthfully incredibly pathetic, she couldn’t tell him no. It was his way of begging and she always had a very hard time telling him no. “Fine. We can go somewhere to hang out and talk for a while. Just nothing too extensive, okay?”

“I saw a place right down the street. I’ve heard people talk about it a few times. I know you love Christmas and it’s like a sports bar that really decorated heavily for the holidays,” Negan’s fingers stretched out to hook with hers to lead her toward the door. Following him, she didn’t know how to react with him wanting to hold her hand while they walked. Right now would have been the perfect time for one of them to say something, but they didn’t. There were small flurries of snow falling from the sky as they walked down the busy street together. When they got to the place, Negan led her toward the door. From the outside they could tell that it was busy. But that was pretty normal for New York in general. Especially around the holidays. Stepping inside had the both of them pausing immediately to gaze upon the place they had just entered. Negan wasn’t wrong. It looked like the North Pole exploded and this was created. It was very much in your face and it had the both of them gazing upon the many decorations that people were up and out of their seats looking at. “Uhm, whoa.”

“You’re not kidding,” she knew that she liked Christmas, but this was very extensive. There were so many decorations hanging from the ceiling, covering the walls and set up on the floor that she was surprised there was any room at all. “Wow would be an understatement.”

“Well hello there, welcome to the jolliest place on Earth,” the host greeted them at the door and by the expression over the woman’s face they both could tell that she was sick of repeating that welcome. Reaching for something from behind the counter, she grabbed a set of reindeer antlers moving forward to place them on Y/N first. Lifting her eyes, she heard the antlers jangle from the bells that were hanging from them. Of course it was hilarious for Negan until the host put a set on him as well. Standing frozen at the entrance, she knew they were both debating if this was the place they should have been right now. “Would you like to sit downstairs today at one of the tables or would you like to go upstairs in the bar area?”

“Is upstairs quieter?” Negan wondered, his nose wrinkling when he looked around the first floor to see how many people were there with children climbing all over things. “Maybe there is an area that is a little more private for two people to be able to…talk?”

“Upstairs would certainly be that for you since it’s more adult themed,” the host waved them on, moving for the stairs with them both cautiously following her up them. “You will get the occasional person from downstairs wanting to come up to see the decorations up here, but a majority of them are downstairs. You’ll have a better time up here.”

Uncomfortably Negan cleared his throat with his eyes lifting to look up. Giant red ornaments were hanging above them and the stairs had garland covering them. The second floor was definitely the better place to be. Up here? There were more televisions than there were downstairs. She assumed on a game night this would be very busy, but since it wasn’t there were only a few stragglers around or people just looking at the decorations that remained on the second floor. Downstairs there were loads of families wanting to spend the holiday together. Up here? It seemed like most of the people were solo just getting off work wanting a drink and a place to relax. It felt like two completely different places. Except for the overabundance of decorations

Leading them toward the far corner of the bar area, the woman motioned them to take a seat. No one else was near them and if they were? They weren’t paying attention. Thankfully they were tucked away so they could have some peace.

Y/N was the first to sit after they took their jackets off and when Negan lowered himself down across from her, the bells on his antlers rang causing his cheeks to flush over with embarrassment. Laughing to herself, she reached out across the table to tap playfully at the bells. By doing that she received a glare from Negan that had her bursting out in laughter.

“It’s not funny,” Negan frowned, allowing her to continue to swat at the bells on the antlers. No one else on the second floor was wearing those fucking things so he didn’t know why the host put the antlers on them.

“Oh, it’s hilarious,” she corrected him, having a hell of a time. She was certain that she looked ridiculous, but she was getting a kick out of screwing with Negan. “Look at you. You look so cute with that on. You picked a great place. I’m glad I agreed to this.”

“I’m glad you’re having fun,” Negan scoffed with her reaching for her phone to pull it out to take a photo of Negan who just stared out at her. There was a strong red color in Negan’s cheeks showing that he was embarrassed. His dimples were prominent and she knew he didn’t want his photo taken, but she didn’t care. Multiple photos were snapped and it had Negan growling out under his breath. “Have you had enough?”

“Not yet,” she snickered, reaching out to grab his chin to give it a small shake. It had the antlers jangling again with her bursting out in laughter.

“You know you have them on too,” Negan reminded her, lifting his hand to flick at a bell that was on hers. “Who are you even showing those photos to? Why did you need so fucking many?”

“Oh, it’s for me and I plan to show Jordyn,” she answered with a bright smile, sweeping her thumb over Negan’s jawline. “You are adorable. You see, I’m nowhere near as embarrassed as you are. Your cheeks are so red. I’m used to making myself look like an idiot, but you? Nah. This has you all embarrassed and it’s cute.”

“Thank you,” Negan huffed, his eyebrows furrowing after she finally let go of his face. Snorting out, Negan rolled his eyes, but decided to keep the antlers on. Not because he wanted to, but because she seemed so fucking happy. In other circumstances, he may have taken them off, but with her so amused? He decided to keep them on. When the waiter came to the table, Negan grunted at the list of drinks that they gave them. It was very Christmas themed and at that point in time, he wasn’t in the mood for something that was overly, flavorful? “Can I just have a bottle of beer please? Something good.”

Ordering the same thing, Y/N observed that it seemed to make the waiter happy that he didn’t have to put on a big show for them. The way they were dressed there had her assuming that they were supposed to be Santa’s elves. This place was amusing to say the least. After he left, she turned her attention to the televisions that they had in there. Out of the corner of her eye, she could tell that Negan’s attention was fully on her while she was still taking everything in.

Tapping his hands against the top of the table, Negan wished she would have been focused on him again instead, “Why were you working so late tonight?”

“Guy wanted me to work with him personally,” she explained, accepting the bottle that the waiter brought for her first. Taking a sip of the drink, she didn’t even seem remotely bothered by the idea that she was working late. Clearing his throat, Negan got her to look at him and she shrugged. “What?”

“Just like that? Nothing more?” Negan thought about what both her and Maggie said with Guy wanting to have sex with her. How long he waited for her downstairs had him worried. Seeing so many people leave and knowing that Y/N was still working didn’t sit well with Negan. “He didn’t…force himself on you or anything?”

“No, I told you. And if he did try to force himself on me I would have knocked him on his ass. Don’t worry about it,” she waved her hand about in the air dismissively, but it wasn’t a thought that he so quickly wanted to let go of. Telling him not to worry only had him worrying more. “We’ve talked about things. He knows that I don’t want to sleep with him and he’s accepted it. Kind of.”

“Kind of?” Negan repeated, his throat tensing up at the idea of Y/N’s boss making it obvious that he wanted to sleep with her. Most people wouldn’t be this nonchalant about that kind of thing. Last night, when Negan showed up at Y/N’s place, he expected her to immediately accept the job offer he gave her. Not continue to stay in a work environment where she was being sexually harassed. “How do you deal with something like that?”

“You haven’t touched your drink,” she ignored the question, pointing toward the bottle that was in front of Negan. Avoiding answering him was the best option right now. Especially if Negan found out that she accepted a position that Guy had offered her. What was supposed to be a moment where the two of them hung out was becoming something where Negan was solely focused on her work relationship with Guy. That wasn’t something she wanted him to do. “Are you hungry? Do you want to order some food or something?”

“I don’t…” Negan paused, reaching out to place his hand in over hers to get her attention back on him when she started looking around the bar again. Frustration flooded throughout him and it was visible in the way that he looked at her. “I don’t understand. Why are you acting like nothing happened?”

“Because nothing happened. I just worked with him the whole time,” she promised him, but when she answered him he licked his lips uncomfortably and it was obvious that’s not what he meant.

“I meant with the two of us,” Negan corrected her original assumption of what he was asking her about. “You’re acting like yesterday didn’t happen. First with the changing room and then last night…”  

“Because I have to,” she swallowed down hard, drinking more of the beer that she had ordered. Suddenly, she felt like the room was severely hot around them. “I can’t focus on something that was an accident that shouldn’t have happened. I had been harassing you for over a day. I upset you. And you felt guilty. It’s okay. We both got tied up in a moment.”

“Your account of things are vastly different than mine,” Negan frowned, pushing his drink forward and leaning further back in his seat. There seemed to be so much on Negan’s mind that he wanted to talk about, but he was having a hard time getting it out. “All I keep thinking about is you. About the way that it felt inside of you…”

Choking, she set the bottle down and felt like the world was spinning around her with the way Negan’s eyes were on her.  Silence followed with Negan nodding his head. Suddenly she wished she was anywhere but here. Shifting in the seat, she tried to focus on one of the things that was on the television but realized that it was a commercial on pretty much every screen.

“Does it really help to talk about this?” she questioned, keeping her head down so she didn’t have to focus on him. “What is talking about this really going to do for either one of us other than make me feel worse about things?”

“Why worse? I would think this was something you would want,” Negan stammered, his throat tensing up when he looked around the room making sure that people were distracted. “After everything I’ve heard, I would think that you would be happy to have me this hooked on you.”

“You’re still dating Maggie, right?” she interrupted Negan’s thought process, having a rush of color flooding into his face. Just by that reaction, she didn’t need an answer. She chuckled shaking her head in disbelief. “You say one thing and your actions do another.”

“You’re acting like I spent a lot of time with Maggie and I didn’t. After everything, I went home and I checked to make sure that Jordyn was okay. Then I went and slept on the couch. I didn’t even go back into my bedroom,” Negan recalled what happened in their time apart from one another. “When I woke up in the morning, we maybe talked a few minutes before she left the place.”

“You don’t have to defend yourself for talking to your girlfriend,” she declared, shaking her head in disbelief that they were ever having this kind of conversation. “I just can’t think of things a certain way if you are still with her.”

“Okay, but hear me out for a second,” Negan pled with her, his right hand lifting from the table to wave it between the two of them. “I just need to know that if I do give this whole thing up, that you are willing to be in a relationship with me. That there is some kind of possibility between the two of us. That there is a future in this.”  

“Not with you dating Maggie,” her words were firm stressing to him the importance of that fact alone. “The problem I have with what happened last night Negan is that you didn’t want to be a cheater again. What happened between you and Lucille? You swore to never be that person again. But we started having sex last night Negan. We did something…”

“This is different,” Negan defended, the vein at the side of his neck bulging slightly. Hearing that felt like a copout and it had her scoffing. “It is different. When I was sleeping around on Lucille, I didn’t have feelings for the people I was cheating with. It was just something to do to make myself feel better. Whereas the two of us have a history. We have something here between us.”

“Since when?” she snapped hating to be so negative, but it was hard not to be. A large amount of color flooded into Negan’s face with him dropping his head down and huffing out. “My whole point Negan is that this thing with me? Cheating? It’s making you someone you never wanted to be.”

“Yeah, well…” Negan licked his lips, but what could he say to that? It was hard hiding things from her because she was probably the person that knew him the most. “I never said I was a good guy. You knew that. And you still wanted me. Right? You still want me, don’t you?”

“Negan,” she had a hard time approaching the subject feeling suddenly very much on the spot. “If this was happening four years ago? Yes, I would have been in heaven. But a few days ago I was listening to people tell me how in love you were with Maggie. If we do something? It will be just like when you were with Lucille. You’ll feel guilty about your affair and you won’t leave Maggie. You will just ghost me even more. And that? That scares me. Because if Maggie finds out, I could potentially lose everything with Jordyn because Maggie will be furious with you. Having an affair? It could take Jordyn away from me. And she’s everything to me.”

“Nothing is gonna take Jordyn away from you,” Negan persisted, his voice deep and raspy with the lines in his forehead creasing further. Hearing that she was scared of losing Jordyn had his chest aching at the thought of it. “Nothing.”

“Easier said than done,” she couldn’t help feeling emotional in the moment with the thought of no longer having Jordyn in her life. “I love your daughter.”

“And she loves you. I’m not separating the two of you,” Negan promised, his hand stretching out to cover hers. Being assured that she would never lose that bond was a good thing, but Negan had also told her a long time ago that they would always be incredibly close. So she didn’t know what to believe. Gradually pulling her hand away from Negan had him frowning. “And as far as comparing Maggie to Lucille? The love that I had for Lucille? It’s nowhere near the same thing. It’s not. I don’t feel guilty for what happened last night. I don’t.”

“Negan, I know you better than anyone. I know the way your brain thinks,” she circled her finger in his direction, having Negan drop his head down and the sound of the bells jangling drew a laugh from her throat. How was she supposed to keep this conversation serious with those damn antlers on Negan’s head? “Right now you may not be feeling guilty about what we did. Things are emotional right now. They are brand new so they feel addictive. You yearn for them. But eventually? Realization is going to hit you that you had a four-year relationship with Maggie. One you worked really hard on. So while you may feel good in the moment? These feelings you are having? They are going to die down.”

“No, no. I don’t think so,” Negan was being defiant with what she was saying, grunting when the sound of the bells came again when he shook his head. “If I would have had sex with you when I was married to Lucille? Yeah, it would have been bad. Both because of the abuse of power with the whole professor thing and…”

“Break up with Maggie and then we will talk,” she cut him off, her eyebrows bouncing up with Negan scoffing. Reaching for his phone, Negan started to type something out and she was quick to snag it. Looking to what he had up, she shook her head and let out a frustrated sound. “Were you really just going to dump her through text messages? You can’t do that.”

“I can. And I’m going to,” Negan countered reaching for his phone, but she was quick to pull it away from him. “Why can’t I? You wanted me to dump her. And I will. To prove to you what this means to me. I’ll do it right fucking now.”

“You need to think more clearly about this,” she suggested, lowering his phone down and keeping it in her hand. “This is a four-year relationship you have had. I saw the way you talked about Maggie. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“For the first time in a long fucking time, I’m thinking clearer than I ever have,” Negan reasoned with her, throwing his hands up and he looked stressed. “My eyes are open to the way things really are and it’s you I keep thinking about. Please stop being so fucking stubborn.”

“If you liked me as much as you claim to, why now?” she wanted an answer from Negan, who bit down hard on his bottom lip. “What’s so different now? Four years ago I would have been falling at your feet. I was at the end of my school year, so your whole I was a professor skit doesn’t work for me Negan. I think you’re high off an emotion because I was honest with you. And you’re fucking with me.”

“I’m not,” Negan defended himself, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. “I was stupid back then. We’ve already had this discussion. Last night…I realized what an idiot I was. A huge fucking idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking over the last few years. I just thought we were supposed to be friends. There were so many times I wanted to, but I was your professor and…”

“You slept with my best friend,” she dug that in, leaning further back in the seat that she was in. “I don’t care what you say. If you felt something for me, you wouldn’t have fucked Maggie.”

“I made a…” Negan realized that he was about to call Maggie a mistake which had him pausing to think about his words. But with how he was feeling right now? That’s how things felt. Because with all the thoughts he had been having, he was comparing how different his life would have been if he made the choice to pick Y/N instead of Maggie. And he realized his life would have been much better off in his opinion if he hadn’t allowed himself to fall for Maggie. “I made a mistake.”

“You don’t think that,” she half laughed and Negan hated that she was having a hard time even looking at him. “We shouldn’t even be having this kind of conversation when you are still with her.”

“You took my phone, so I can’t break up with her,” Negan scoffed, holding his hand out toward where his phone was.

“You don’t break up with someone over the phone or through text messages. Even though I can’t stand Maggie, that’s really fucked up,” she complained, her face scrunching up in disgust at the idea. “And if you break up through text and not in person, it lacks that personal connection. It needs to be done face to face. Because through text? Maggie will just come to you, guilt you and this will be the same conversation all over again.”

“I don’t understand. Do you want me to dump Maggie or not?” Negan thought aloud, confusion flooding his features. There was so much going on. She told him to dump Maggie, but when he went to do it, she stopped him. “Listen, all I keep thinking about is you, and after last night? After last night, all I want is you. I laid awake at night thinking about the small amount of time that I was in you. The way it felt to be wrapped up in your arms and the way you look at me.”

“I’ve always looked at you like this,” she reminded him with a saddened sound. “I probably looked at you better in those first four years. You say you wanted to sleep with me. Yet when you had the chance, it was Maggie you fell for. I just can’t stop thinking about you showing up with those flowers for her. And then showing up to see you sleeping with her…”

“I wish I could go back,” Negan struggled to find the right words, stuttering as he spoke. In this moment, it was hard to look at her. Because he knew that she was right. “I loved being around you. You made me so happy. It’s just Maggie made the first move and I fell for it. I hadn’t had sex in so long and I let my dick guide me.”

“Negan, the young girl inside of me wants to fall for this. Because that young girl? You were everything to her. And she would have done anything for you,” she recognized the person she had always been when it came to Negan, “but the way you looked at her? And the way you talked about her…”

Stopping herself from getting any more emotional about this whole thing, she stood up from the table and it had Negan sitting forward, “Where are you going?”

Tugging the antlers from her head, she set them down on top of the table and swallowed down hard, “I’m going to use the restroom. I need a moment.”

“Hey,” Negan called out to her, but she was quick to head in the other direction needing that time just to calm her emotions.

Following the signs to the restroom, she headed toward the bathroom that had a big photo of Mrs. Claus on the front of it. Considering the other had Santa on the door, she was pretty sure that she was heading to the right place. Pushing the door open made her stop in her tracks at what the inside of the bathroom looked like. String lights surrounded the top of it with decorations flooding the walls. Looking to the stalls, she saw that the doors were wrapped in paper with bows on them. There was no need for the bathroom to look like this, but it did. “Holy shit.”

The sound of the door pressing open was heard and she looked back over her shoulder to see that it was Negan entering the bathroom behind her, “Negan, Jesus. There was a time where I wanted this from you and now that I need space from you, I can’t get you to leave me the fuck alone.”

Stopping when he got to the center of the bathroom, Negan looked around the room with amusement at just how ridiculous it looked. It made both of them laugh even though it was a tense moment, “I know.”

Still, Negan said nothing. Which made her uncomfortable. Stepping forward had her stepping back until Negan had her cornered, “Negan?”

Lifting his hand, he dragged his fingers across her bare shoulder and down over the length of her arm. In that moment, his eyes never left hers. It had her shaking when he dragged his fingers back up over her shoulder.

“Please…” she didn’t know how to respond with Negan’s fingers grasping faintly at the strap of her dress. Pushing it down over her shoulder, Negan nervously licked his lips. Waiting for her to stop him just in case, he realized she wasn’t going to. Loosening the material allowed the front of her dress to drop down in over her breast revealing it to him. There was a vulnerability to her right now with her tremoring before him. Dragging his hand down over her shoulder toward her chest, Negan circled his thumb in over the nipple that was exposed. Arching her back forward closed the distance between the two of them. Negan’s eyelids grew heavy with want, his head dropping down for him to start pressing kisses over her shoulder. “You don’t want this.”

Hushing her had her whimpering with the vibration of it against her skin. Kissing down the same path his fingers traveled had her head tipping back against the corner of the wall. Each caress was wet, lingering and the warmth of his tongue flicked against her skin. The added sensation of his short beard scratching at her flesh felt amazing as his lips traveled between the valley of her breasts. Licking his lips, Negan tipped his head back palming at her breast. Stealing a quick glance at her, Negan hummed and pressed forward to kiss at the underside of her breast. Starting off with tiny kisses, they grew in strength as he continued peppering them over her flesh. Sticking out his tongue, he dragged it out flat against her skin having her purr at the sensation. Circling her nipple with the tip of his tongue had her breathing loudly, her fingers lifting up to caress at the back of his head. Once his lips surrounded her nipple it had her purring out, a moan following.

Forcing herself to look at him, she sank her fingers into his thick, dark hair. Watching him was something she truthfully didn’t want to miss. Panting, she felt a fire flooding through her veins with the way he looked. It seemed like he was enjoying himself while he teased her nipple into a taut bud. Varying between kisses, soft suckling and teases of his tongue. Pulling away with a wet sound, his lips parted while he worked to get the material of her dress down over her other breast. Quickly, his mouth covered her other breast pampering it just as he had done the other. Moans were escaping his throat, tickling at her flesh. All of this was driving her body to warm up rapidly. Her heart was hammering away inside of her chest.

“Negan,” she moaned out his name having him growl against her flesh, sucking tenderly at her nipple. Drawing her closer to him, Negan’s hands settled at her hips. Squeezing them firmly, he pulled his mouth from her body with his long eyelashes fluttering.

Dropping down to his knees in front of her, Negan kept his eyes locked on hers. Biting down on his bottom lip, his hands caressed over the backs of her legs massaging at her body. Dropping her hand down, her fingers swept in over Negan’s jawline with his head turning to kiss at the center of her palm. Tipping his head back, Negan growled out with her dragging her thumb out across his bottom lip.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” Negan slurred, his hands sliding further up toward her thighs. Pushing at the bottom of her dress, Negan worked it up toward her hips. Curling his fingers around the back of her thighs, he squeezed at the flesh that was there. Caressing further up, his hands palmed at her bottom before hooking his fingers into the hem of her panties. Unhurriedly pulling them down had her tremoring before him. Broken breaths were falling from her lips with his hazel eyes locked on hers. Getting her panties to her feet, Negan helped her step out of the material. Still not breaking his stare, Negan pushed her panties into his pocket and licked his lips. Finally dropping his eyes, he gazed upon her most private parts and it made him suck in a sharp breath of air. Sliding in closer to her, Negan started pressing kisses at her inner thigh. “If you want me to stop, just tell me…”

This is where she should have said something, but she didn’t. She liked the way the warmth of his mouth felt against her flesh. The way his short beard scratched faintly at her skin also felt incredible. Bracing one of her hands over his shoulders, she knew if she didn’t that her trembling legs might start to give out on her. There was something in the way that Negan’s hands were caressing at her thighs and her hips that could affect her more than anyone else had when they touched her.

Soon his kisses were moving in over her hips causing her to whimper. The warmth of his breath was lingering over her center with Negan gazing up at her again. Caressing in over her inner thigh, Negan allowed his hand to trail up toward her center. Palming in over her body had her tipping her head back with a small purr escaping her lips.

Leaning in, Negan faintly kissed at her body getting her to shudder upon the contact. Every kiss was teasing at first. Just testing the water of things. But soon his tongue flicked out against her flesh. Dragging the tip of it along the length of her sex had her tremoring against him. The sounds he made were the most delicious thing and it fueled him. Growling against her flesh had her hips arching up to him and he had to grab a firm hold of her to keep her in place. Crying out, her fingers sank deeply into his hair, her whole body tensing up when his tongue traveled the same path up and then down. Circling her clit before suckling at her sensitive folds.

Watching him pleasuring her had her heart skipping beats. Continuously he pressed wet kisses against her body, suckling at her flesh and teasing the length of his tongue over the areas he was learning had her reacting the most. It looked like Negan thoroughly enjoyed what he was doing, taking his time to build up the sensation of it all for her.

Humming against her flesh, Negan dragged the length of his tongue up her folds before teasing at her clit. Tenderly slurping at the sensitive bundle of nerves had her crying out. Pampering her flesh with wet kisses and skillful caresses of his tongue had her biting down on her moans in attempts to keep quiet. Lazily shaking his head side to side, he drew out z-shaped lines against her flesh drawing her to rock against his movements. Pulling back with a wet sound, his fingers lifted to caress at her flesh with his hazel eyes hungrily locking with hers. There was something about the way he looked at her that made her feel like the only woman in the world in that moment. His pupils were dilated, his lips wet and his breathing loud. Everything about this showed that he was enjoying what he was doing yet desperate to see how she looked.

The rough pads of his fingertips circled her clit before dragging down the length of her sex toward her heated center. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, Negan pressed a finger unhurriedly into her and it made him smirk with the undeniable moan that escaped her lips. Even though she was trying to hide it, she had a hard time with the length of his slender digit sliding into her warmth.

Even the way he smiled at her had the desire she felt for him growing. Starting to thrust his finger inside of her, Negan pressed forward to focus on her sensitive bundle of nerves with his talented mouth. Wet sounds were filling the small bathroom with him pleasuring her and soon he added a second finger inside of her.

Dropping her head back, her eyes slammed shut with how good everything felt. Maybe this was all so enhanced with the potential of them getting caught too. This was a busy place. It was very likely that someone could have come in at any time. Yet neither one of them seemed to care. Every motion of his mouth over her grew in strength with her tugging harder at his hair.

“That’s it,” Negan coached her with a deep rumble of a growl, his words vibrating against her flesh. A loud slurping sound followed having her thighs a trembling mess. Forcing herself to watch him, she could tell that he was actually finding pleasure in what he was doing with the way he was moaning against her body. Shaking his head from side to side, Negan’s long eyelashes fluttered to a close. Everything felt like it was spinning with a liquid warmth rushing to her core.

“Negan,” her fingers curled tighter into his hair when he got her to an orgasm between his fingers and his mouth having her a shaking mess against him.

Leaning back on his knees, Negan looked up at her with a proud expression. Licking his lips, Negan hummed when he pulled his fingers from her body and she let out a whimper. Starting to kiss up over the lengths of her abdomen, Negan suckled at her nipple before returning his mouth to hers. The taste of her lingered over his lips and she purred out with Negan’s tongue brushing against hers. By the way her legs felt, she wondered if Negan’s hands weren’t holding onto her if she would have been able to stand. Kiss after hungry kiss kept her worries from escaping her until she firmly grabbed a hold of Negan’s shirt and pushed him forward against the counter. Hissing out, Negan’s hazel eyes narrowed and a wicked smirk tugged at his handsome features.

Closing the distance between them, she palmed in over the center of Negan’s pants causing him to let out a deep rumble of a moan. His eyelids grew heavy with want as she swiftly started to undo his pants. How easily she managed to get the material apart surprised Negan. Reaching her hand inside, she stroked at his length realizing that he was completely rigid beneath her touch.

“This is what you do to me,” Negan informed her with a rumble of a growl, tipping his head back and sucking in a sharp breath when she started kissing over the side of his neck. Pressing his right hand back, Negan braced himself against the counter when she lowered down to her knees. Caressing at the back of her head with his left hand, Negan winced when she pulled him out of the tight confines of his pants. Stroking at his girthy length had Negan’s hips bouncing forward, panting at the way she confidently caressed at his body. “Fuck…”

Brazenly she leaned forward and started pressing wet kisses at the tip of Negan’s manhood enjoying the sounds he made when she did it. Dragging her tongue out across the slit had her collecting the taste of him, his hips bouncing forward toward her. While it would have been nice to drag things out, she knew that they were in the middle of a public bathroom. In a very, very busy place. All it would take was someone downstairs coming up here to go to a less busy bathroom.

Lifting her stare, she watched Negan’s reaction when she took the tip between her lips. A moan escaped him, the vein at his neck became more prominent and his eyes fluttered to a tight close. His fingers were stronger at the back of her neck sliding in over her scalp with the wet laps of her tongue at the length of his cock.

“Fucking hell,” Negan moaned out watching her bob her head over his erection returning the gesture of what he had done for her. Curling his fingers around the counter tighter, Negan could sense that his hands were shaking. There was a want to help guide her head over his length, but he was already enjoying what she was doing on her own. “That feels so fucking good.”

Her right hand was caressing the base of his erection, matching tempo with the movements her mouth made. Her other hand was over his waist, squeezing firmly at it. His heart was hammering in his chest, his body on fire with the sensations she was drawing up inside of him. Giving herself a moment to breathe, she pulled her head back and stroked her hand firmly over his throbbing length. Focusing on the sensitive tip had Negan swallowing down hard, humming out as she easily picked up on the sensitive areas.

Moving in closer to him, she dragged her tongue out across the area at the underside of his cock where the shaft and the tip met. The sound he released was so rewarding that she continued to focus on that area noticing that it had Negan tremoring. Starting to lap her tongue at the length of him caused his hips to bounce forward.

“Please,” Negan begged drawing forth a smirk from her when she took him back into the warmth of her mouth. Doing as he pleased, she worked to continue to pleasure him. With her left hand she palmed in over his lower abdomen beneath the material of his shirt while her right continued to pump over his cock in tempo with the movements her mouth made over him. Feeling him tensing up before her, she knew that he was close to coming. The sounds of his moans grew raspier as his hips bucked up toward her throat with her eyes coming to a tight close. The first line of his cum hit the back of her throat with him clinging tightly to her. Continuing to pleasure him, she swallowed down the rest of his release. A wet sound filled the air when she pulled her lips away from his twitching cock. “Fucking hell.”

Swallowing down hard, Negan reached for her and picked her up in his arms, quick to spin her. Lifting her up, he set her down on the counter and pulled her right to the edge of it. Licking his fingertips, he dropped his hand between her thighs caressing at her already sensitive flesh. Locking his eyes, Negan hovered his mouth in over hers with the warmth of her breath causing him to shudder.

“You are fucking incredible,” Negan slurred, his thumb on his free hand dragging out across her full, wet bottom lip. A loud sound caused the both of them to jump until she realized it was the sound of her phone going off. Scrambling to grab it had Negan reaching down to push himself back into his pants. Bringing her phone up, she felt her heart skip a beat seeing who it was an alert from. “What? What is it?”

“It’s Maggie,” she lowered the phone having Negan reaching for her phone so he could look at the text she sent.

“We need to talk,” Negan read it off and waved the phone about, his brow line creasing while she hastily fixed her clothing. By her body language, Negan could tell that she was starting to get ill at ease with what they had done. “Hey, hey. Calm down.”

“Negan, stop,” she demanded with him attempting to touch her. Holding her hands up she made sure to keep the distance between them. Her breathing was loud and her body was still incredibly hot. “What we’ve done? What we keep doing? I’m a horrible person.”

“No. No, you’re not,” Negan stressed to her, working his pants back together with a loud sigh. “You have loved me for a very long time and…”

“I’m making you cheat on someone. Someone I used to call my best friend,” she was overwhelmed with the idea hearing Negan’s breathing becoming uneven. “I never believed in this kind of shit. In fact,” she paused to think about how angry she got with Maggie for cheating on Negan. “I have torn into people for doing this kind of thing. I’m no better than them.”

“Hey,” Negan called out with her heading toward the door and he wrapped his fingers around her wrist to pull her back to him. Grasping her jaw between his thumb and index finger, he urged her to look at him. “Where are you going?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, reaching up to get Negan to lower his hand away from her face. “I can’t…I can’t do this Negan. I’ve got to go home. I’ve barely slept the last few days and I just need time alone.”

“Hey, please…” Negan pled with her, his hazel eyes visibly disappointed when she made her way to the door. “Everything I’ve said to you, I mean it.”

“I think you believe it now, but I need you to work out your shit first Negan,” she informed him, shaking her head and letting out a long sigh. “What we did today was wrong and you know that just as much as I do.”

----

Tags: @slutlanna976​ @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @pixelb4rbie @ibelongtonegan

@smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan

@redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted

@akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03

@sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf

@promiscuousbarnes @lanadelnegan @peachihellcat @dilfsandmartinis

[mscherub]

Right, so…you’re transported to a new world, and me being the science geek I am, I can’t help but think of all the bacteria you wouldn’t be accustomed to in Twisted Wonderland…so imagine how bad flu season would be, or just the spreading of sicknesses around the school in general

You better have a good immune system cause oml would it be put into overdrive. Anyways…here’s my twist on what the Ignyhide boys would do in order to be helpful in your recovery ❤️‍🩹

Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignyhide, Diasomnia

Warnings!:

Sickness, obviously

Mentions of vomiting, snot, etc

To start us off…

It’s flu season in Twisted Wonderland, well you call it the flu, they call it something else you don’t even bother to learn. With you’re immune so shot and not used to the illnesses that spread around, getting sick more often that you honestly should, you woke up with a headache. Ok…nothing too serious, but you thought it to be a good idea to just take some ibuprofen equivalent in their world and “thug it out,” which ultimately lead to your current situation. Currently, you’re in the infirmary, having passed out from a raging fever and a disgustingly congested respiratory system during PE and you’re bed ridden back at ramshackle, at least until your fever goes down. Sevens bless Grim and the ghosts as they try and get you things to feel better, but you need some sort of intervention, and here comes you’re favorite person at the right time. How do they help you out?

Idia (And platonic ortho):

First of all, good luck getting him to come out of his room, but if Ortho really really convinces him then you’ll have a chance. Ortho comes with, obviously, for Idia’s emotional state more so than yours…

Idia will sit with you in your room quietly on his tablet or any gaming devices he’s brought with him, sitting off in the armchair. He’ll spare you a glance every now and then but he’s a little out of his comfort zone right now. If he can have Grim for a little then that’ll be a bonus for him

Ortho will regularly check up on your temperature and set reminders on when you should take medicine. He’ll also search the internet for other remedies he can find or make to help alleviate the more severe symptoms you may have

Idia will try and pitch in, he’ll offer to share his sweet snacks, but of course if your feeling a bit finicky with the foods you eat at the moment then he’ll back off and try and go into recluse mode again, which then Ortho will take the initiative on food and get you whatever you want

Don’t worry about the assignments, Ortho and Idia have them covered, actually. Idia will do them without him even saying anything to you. A surprise for when you’re better

Ortho will work on disinfecting and waiting on you, getting blankets or pillows, whatever you need. He’ll also do a body scan to see what areas are affected the most…ehhh, a little invasive

After things calm down a bit, if you’re up for it, Idia will play games with you on whatever device or board game he has or can find

He’ll relax more that way and have fun himself. it’s hard being out of his comfort zone, but at least he’s just around you

Ortho is just happy he could get Idia out, especially to help you out. Ortho’s learning a lot about how to treat sick people now thanks to the data input you’ve provided him!

Sorry this one was a little shorter. I decided to group them up because I just couldn’t see Idia helping out by himself, lol. Thanks for reading, lovelies!

Btw, requests and asks are open!!! ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ

Master list

Please don’t steal or copy any of my work! You may, however, reblog if you’d want to!

Pictures are owned by Disney Twisted Wonderland but are edited by me :)

[derailedbydefault]

No, I am absolutely gonna haunt the narrative now. It is my turn. You had your run.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Just once, I would like to be able to have a conversation about my feelings with someone where they don't, at some point, start trying to explain to me why something happened such that they are either implying or outright stating I should stop having noticeable feelings at them about a thing and/or telling me that I'm wrong about how I feel and actually if I just understood this thing I would see that I'm being unreasonable to say I feel the way I do.

Just once, for someone's response to be "it sounds like you're feeling [insert thing, e.g hurt, sad, scared, tired, angry, etc], I'm sad that you are dealing with that." Not to take responsibility for my feelings! But for them to acknowledge that they're happening and might matter to me before they move on to whatever the fuck next thing they have to say is

[exopelagic]

DND IS SO FUCKING COOL

[kavehayati]

I honestly wish people cared more about depression and other issues rather than saying they care but scrutinise a person so horribly when they show symptoms associated with said condition 🧎‍♀️

[caelum-in-the-avatarverse]

Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available. 

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community. 

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company? 

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists. 

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom 

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

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“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits. 

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people. 

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it. 

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.

[charmedimsure]

A Welcome Distraction

pairing: Kang Dae-ho x reader

summary: Dae-ho helps you learn to play Gong-gi

word count: 1.5k

warnings: squid game stuff, but other than than just fluff

A/N: I got the rules of the game from watching the show, so they could be wrong. I think it's gender neutral but lmk if it's not so I can fix it

It looks like you're going to spend at least another day here. You're going to have to play at least one more game. Despite voting to leave, the majority of people disagreed with you, and now you're stuck here. You may be drowning in student loan debt, but at least your alive, and, if you've learned anything positive from this experience, it is that life is full of opportunities.

You take your food from the masked men and find a small space in between the beds where you can be alone. You don't think you can eat right now, so you put those to the side and sit on your knees, pulling five small stones out of your pocket. When you need is a distraction, and this game could do it.

Across the room, Dae-ho winces as Jung-bae hits him in the shoulder, almost making him drop his milk.

"What?" Dae-ho says, annoyed.

"You're staring," Jung-bae says. Dae-ho gives him a confused look, to which he nods his head in your direction.

Dae-ho looks down at his feet as he feels heat rise in his face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Jung-bae scoffs a laugh, looking at the former Marine. "Please. You cheered so loud when her team crossed the finish line I thought you're life was on the line, too." Jung-bae laughs at his own joke, Young-il laughing along.

Dae-ho rolls his eyes, finishing his milk and putting the carton down next to him. Sure he thinks you're cute, but this is no place for any of this stuff.

"You should talk to them," a quiet voice says. Dae-ho looks up to see Jun-hee looking at him.

Young-il nods. "She's right. We don't know how much longer we will be alive, you should speak now before you lose the chance."

Dae-ho looks back over at you. You're hunched over on the floor between beds, your back facing him. With a small surge of confidence, Dae-ho nods, standing up. He takes a few steps in your direction before second guessing himself, stopping in place. He nearly falls over as Jung-bae shoves him towards you.

As he gets closer to you, he can hear the sounds of something repeatedly hitting the hard floor, as well as soft curses coming from you.

"Are you alright?" he asks, standing by the entrance to the small alley between beds.

You gasp and look up at him, being too invested in what you were doing to notice someone coming up to you. Acting on instinct, you back yourself closer to the wall away from him.

Dae-ho puts his hands up. "I don't want to hurt you, just wanted to see what you were doing."

You take a look at his face and number. You remember seeing him yelling yesterday with his friend, as if he was a soldier. It had actually made you laugh, which was much needed in a place like this. You also thought he was kinda cute. Getting out of your defensive position, you shyly show him the small stones in your hand.

He furrows his brows and gets closer so he can have a better look, kneeling on the floor in front of you. He recognizes the rocks from the ground of the last game, but has no idea why you have them.

You see his confused look and sigh. "I was trying to play Gong-gi. I've never played before and it looked interesting." You let out a little laugh. "I'm not very good at it, though. I don't even know if I'm doing it right."

Dae-ho gives you a small smile. "I can show you, if you want."

You look up at him with wide eyes. "You know how to play?"

He grows a bit embarrassed and looks everywhere except for your face. "I have older sisters, we used to play when I was little."

Expecting you to laugh at him, he is surprised when you hold out the stones. He smiles and holds out his palm for you to place the rocks in, then moves back to make room between the two of you.

"You have to throw one of the pieces in the air as you grab the others, and you need to grab more as you go. You start with one each, then two, then three and one, then all four. After that, flip them onto the backside of your hand and catch them without flipping your hand over." He takes a deep breath as he rolls of the stones onto the floor. As nervous as he feels with you watching him, he knows he can do it. After all, he did just do it perfectly with guns pointed at him.

He quickly goes through the game, not dropping a single stone. When he makes the final catch and opens his palm for you to see, he finds your mouth open as you stare at his hand in awe.

"That was amazing," you say to him with a smile.

Dae-ho smiles and feels the heat rising to his face again. "You should see my sisters do it, they move so fast you can't even see what's happening," he chuckles, making you laugh. "Besides, I saw you do spinning top before. You wrapped it in seconds and got it to spin on the first try! I was always so bad at spinning top as a kid."

You smile shyly, feeling heat in your face. "It was my favorite game as a kid. I didn't have many toys, so I would play it for hours. I'd try to teach you, but I don't have a top."

Dae-ho smiles. "That's okay." He holds out his hand for you to take the stones. "You're turn to try."

You take the stones from him, scattering them onto the ground between you. You smile as you manage to get each singular one, but when you try to get two at once, you don't catch the stone in time. You let out a frustrated sigh, sitting back on your knees.

"You're doing good," Dae-ho reassures. "Try going for the ones that are closer together, and throw the stone a little higher to give you more time."

You nod at the advice and pick up the stones again. You get the first two, but lose it again as you try to get the second two. Though you get frustrated with yourself, Dae-ho never does, patiently watching you and giving you tips.

It takes more tries than you would like to admit, but you are finally able to make the final catch. You yell out in victory with a big smile on your face, and the man across from you does the same. You get a little shy as you see that your yells have got attention from the people around you, particularly that one judgmental old man who really has no right to judge anyone considering he has more debt than most people here combined.

When everyone looks away, you smile up at the man again as he hold him hand up for you to high-five.

"I feel so accomplished," you laugh, making him chuckle. "Thank you for helping me. It was nice to play a game and not have to worry for my life."

He smiles sadly. "I'm happy I could help. My name is Dae-ho."

You smile back at him and give him your name. "If we both get out of here, Dae-ho, I'll teach you how to get the top to spin every time."

"When," he says. You give him a confused look. "You said if we get out of here, but when we get out of here, I would like that very much."

You smile at him. "I'm looking forward to it."

Dae-ho spots your food sitting on the bed next to you and frowns. "You didn't eat?"

You look at it. "I wasn't hungry so I was saving it. I got so wrapped up in this game I forgot about it."

The man moves to get up. "I'll leave you to eat, then."

"You don't have to leave," you say quickly, making him stop and look at you. "I mean, I don't mind if you want to stay."

Dae-ho smiles and nods, sitting down again, this time next to you. As you eat, you both talk about yourselves, how you ended up here, your lives back home, anything that comes to mind.

"What are you going to do when you get out of here?" Dae-ho asks you when your food is long gone.

You sigh and shrug. "I'll pay off whatever debt that I can, but besides that, I really don't know." You look at him. "What about you?"

"I'll pay off my debts, too," he says. He takes a deep breath before looking at you, feeling his nerves rising. "I also think that I'd like to take you to dinner."

His nerves calm as he watches a smile slowly take over your face. "I'd like that."

Dae-ho smiles. "Then it's a date."

When it is time to go to sleep, Dae-ho can only think about how he is going to do everything he can to make sure the two of you get out of here alive.

[ubeb0nes]

HCs of Sevika in Love ఌ

Congrats champ, you bagged a baddie!

**Reader is fem!

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It's not that Sevika has crazy high standards. Her wants in a partner are actually very straightforward; it's just that most people lack the base integrity and self-accountability to even catch her attention in the first place

I really don't think she'd ever fall for anyone from Piltover, there's just too many generations of trauma accompanied by a life lived under their foot for her to get past. She loves Zaun too much to ever love anything to do with Piltover

That said, she's attracted to the ideals she associates with the Undercity; perseverance, strength (doesn't have to mean physical), adaptability and loyalty. If you have her love, you most certainly earned it bae

For her, it's probably an "oh shit"/"oh no" type of singular moment, when she realizes she's fallen in love

Either you got hurt or in some position where her true feelings were forced out of her, OR it's during an achingly soft moment where it's clear how loyal/devoted you are to her, and only her.

Absolutely spends months denying herself. She will try to distance, reasoning that you're both better off without the notion of love walling you in.

Zaun is no place for that, she thinks. She recalls Felicia and her husband, dying together on that bridge while a twenty-something year-old Sevika, at the time, watched them fall.

The pain to know you couldn't save your loved one in your final moments (even worse to leave two young children behind). She couldn't imagine it. Didn't want to. Sevika knew that her road would end at a violent last stop, and she didn't want you anywhere near that. She thinks about having met you in a different place.

…But she can't fully hide how she feels about you, not ever. She may oftentimes be rough and ruthless, but even at her worst moment Sevika isn't a cold individual. She's too passionate about you, cares too deeply for where you are and how you are

So when you show up at her apartment to yell at her for being so cruel, for shutting you out of her heart instead of being a grown-ass woman and telling you what the fuck you did wrong, she lets you.

She lets you yell until you've tired yourself out, and then she pulls you into that embrace you missed so much. You hit her shoulder or her chest, weakly, because you love her like crazy and never wanna actually hurt her, and tell her to fuck off.

"I didn't wanna push you away, dumbass," she'll say to you, softly, as she presses a kiss to your ear, "You think I don't want you with me all the time? To tell you I love you and shit without it coming back to bite us in the ass? Of course I do. Of course I do. I just… I don't know how. But I'm gonna fuckin' learn, doll. I promise."

"You… you love me? Really?" "Doll, I don't even let Silco talk to me like that." "You asshole-!"

You're mad, but not really. How can you be? You two will make this work, she already gave you her word.

It's more likely for you to move in with her than vice versa. She lets you go ham on adding your personality to her living space, she doesn't have any strong preferences besides cleanliness

Always says I love you before she goes to work. Just in case. If you mess with her and don't say it back, she will get up in arms about it within two seconds of silence

"I could die, you know." "Babe, I'm just joking!" "Do you see me laughing??"

Obviously, lets her drama queen side show more. She's just all-around looser once she confesses.

She makes sure you know how different you are from others, how special you are. Even her posture is different the moment you're within arm's reach

Body language and physicality are Sevika's main fluency. When in love, you notice the way she angles her body protectively around yours in public, or how she always urges you to link your arm with hers when you walk.

You notice that she almost looks… smaller at home. You realize this is on purpose. She makes herself less intimidating when it's just you, lowering herself to your level and opening her posture to you

At home, she likes kneeling by your side when you're sitting on the couch, checking you over or pressing slow kisses to your hands.

Devoted, devoted, devoted. She never wants you to forget.

Every time you call her name, she always stops what she's doing to give you her attention.

"Sevi?" "Yes, baby?" Every time. It's grounding for you both, in a way

Her henchmen become your henchmen. They know better than to say no to your requests for their help. (Ran is down for antics with you regardless!!)

People all over the Undercity start to recognize you as "Sevika's woman". Not her "girl", you garner too much respect for that

You are the only person Sevika answers to besides Silco. Her close circle teases her that you turn her into a little lovestruck puppy

It's really only them who are even capable of teasing her about this, because her changes in behavior are so minute but so important

She puts out her cigarillos when you sit down with her. She always shifts you over to her left side (the side most capable of protecting you). Her eyes start scanning the room more frequently than before you'd arrived.

She figures out over time that she was wrong. When she holds you against her while you sleep, and you grab her hand half-consciously to press kisses to her wrist, she knows you don't make her weak

When you whisper that you love her against her neck while you sway in the kitchen, moving to whatever music vibrates from the depths of her beloved city, she knows you don't make her weak

When you pull her back together without fail, remind her that she is more than just a grunt in a revolution, a soldier that can be replaced, she knows you don't make her weak

There isn't anything she wouldn't do to get back to you. She has to live long enough to know what a good life in a liberated Zaun looks like with you