#may revisit these and polish them up a bit later but today is not that day

[limewashedup]

princesses & knights

[mysticalrunawayprincess]

Everything He Ever Wanted

Hi Guys! This is a new Jay Park fanfic I’m working on (because we are in a serious shortage and us girls need our fantasy fix!) Its about Jay falling in love and wanting to settle down, and all the headache and heartache that ensues (cue lots of angst, sexy times and love :P). I post the stories on Wattpad as I’m not sure if I’d be able to post the full story on here (Tumblr guidelines and stuff) but I am going to be posting the first chapter here and then every time I publish a new chapter I’ll post the links for you to read. The story is for 18ANDOVER! If you are not 18 this story isn’t for you (sorry). And Jay if you are reading this: its pure fantastical fiction! I don’t mean to embarrass or cast aspersions on you in any kind of way. If you are reading this (PLEASE dont lol), I hope I did your fantasy character justice :P. For the rest of you, happy reading!

Oh BTW: New Chapters every Friday, but you get this one a day early just because I love y’all!!! xxxxxxxxxx

1. Home Is Where The Heart was

An exhausted sigh left Jay's lips in a rush, as he entered through the  open door and dropped his bags on the heated marble flooring.

Having been away on tour for 6 weeks Jay had a lot of bags to carry; all heavy, all full of laundry.

He paused and took a breath in, savouring the smell of home, the smell of Her.

She  hadn't been home in a long time. This was no longer to be Her home;  hell it hadn't even been Her "home" for longer than a few weeks, most of  which she had spent elsewhere (or rather somewhere else). But since She  had been the last person in the house before Jay had left for the tour,  Her scent still lingered. And it was this scent that invaded Jay's  senses, coiling around his synapses and holding them at ransom as his  mind cast back to the last moment he saw Her.

Jay stood watching   Her leave through the polished glass doors of his office building, Her   words still ringing in his ears like a death knell, "We can't do this   any more Jay, I have to go back and live my life..." She took a pause   here, her perfectly soft and plump lips quivering momentarily, almost as  if to hold Her back from completing the sentence,"... and you have to live yours."

Now the thing is, when Jay first saw Her walk  through the doors; Her soft hair in which he loved to bury his face now  framing Her face in a twist-out that beautifully rippled in the light  breeze of the evening night air as She stepped through the glass door,  his heart had soared and swooped the same way it did every day since the  very first day he had seen Her.

His face broke into an  unstoppable smile as he outstretched his arms to embrace Her,   automatically breathing in Her scent as She stepped into his embrace,   clinging to him as though She would be otherwise flung into the furthest  reaches of space.

Jay hadn't noticed the shine of unshed tears  demanding to be released. He hadn't noticed the taxi outside, and he  certainly didn't know that it was taking Her to the airport.

He was oh-so blissfully unaware of  all of these little details.

She had been going back and forth with this for weeks, months even, ever  since  their relationship had first begun showing signs of becoming  more serious (unbeknownst to Jay). And try as She might, She knew this  couldn't work; there were too many moving parts, too many things to  consider and too many sacrifices to be made. She thought it best that  She end this now before it got too serious and whilst they were still  able to at least salvage some sort of friendship from the wreckage.

Noticing She was lost in thought, Jay nudged Her, asking if She were OK.

Now  on the way over here, She had already told herself  that She wasn't  going to cry and do the whole melodramatic stuff; that She was going to  keep it light and factual and hoped he would understand.

And so  when She quickly lifted Her head to meet his eye, Her face had already  settled into a bright and easy smile, belying the ton of bricks that She  was about to drop onto the smitten and unsuspecting Jay Park.

Now,  as he watched Her leave after begging Her to reconsider ("... you don't  have to do this..."). His heart beat harder with every step She took   to the waiting cab outside. He was frozen helpless, unable to stop this  series of Very Unfortunate and Fucked Up Events.

He watched the taxi drive away, taking with it the only piece of true happiness that he had ever felt in a long, long time.

And he had let it happen.

BZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The  vibration of Jay's phone broke him out of his reverie with a snap. He  thrust his hand into his pocket and pulled it out, glancing at the  screen as he made his way to the kitchen.

BZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

He paused with his hand on the handle of the refrigerator, his thumb hovering indecisively over the phone screen.

BZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

He  rolled his eyes and pressed the green button, putting the phone to his  ear at the same time as he pulled open the refrigerator door.

"Heeeeeyyyyyy  bro, whatcha doin'?" the gravelly voice of Jay's business partner Mike  came through the phone as vivid as if he were standing in the room,  rather than 5,000 miles away.

"Hey, Mike" Jay chuckled. "Not much, just got back."

"How was the tour?"

"Yeah it was good. The guys killed as usual," said Jay, into an empty fridge.

"Did you get any numbers?" Jay could practically hear the Cheshire Cat smile on Mike's face as he asked this question.

He  sighed as he closed the refrigerator door and made his way to the  living room. "No I didn't get any numbers Mike" Jay said, plopping down  dejectedly onto his plush sofa, allowing his head to fall back, eyes  staring straight at the ceiling.

"Jay, you are really wasting your unlimited pussy allowance, man!"  groaned Mike. Jay chuckled in response, closing his eyes and wearily  raising a hand to rub them. "Dude you should be literally DROWNING in  pussy!"

"I'm too busy for all that extra shit, Mike." Jay sighed.

"Extra  shit? Dude." Mike was all seriousness now, leaving a pause so pregnant  that it caused Jay to sit up and open his eyes. "You are never, too  tired, for pussy!" Jay fell back into his original position, another  exhausted sigh leaving his lips as he landed except this time, he had a  little smile on his face.

Mike's dry humour was a welcome salve right now anyway.

"Plus, Jay; I'm married."

"I know Mike."

"So that means I'm living vicariously through you, my dude!"

"Mike-"

"Look,  forget about all that anyway" Mike interrupted Jay, sensing he was not  perhaps his usual playful self and wondering if he had perhaps struck a  nerve.

Mike was quite intuitive, even if he sometimes came off as  oblivious. In his world, he found that feigning ignorance can sometimes  be a better strategy around people, especially when dealing with the  types of sensitive and high-flying businessmen he was used to dealing  with on a daily basis.

Or when his friend had something - or  someone - on his mind that may need to be discussed away over copious  amounts of alcohol sometime in the near-future.

"Remember you  have the interview with Vogue Korea about the new AOMG site and app,"  said Mike making a mental note to revisit this again at a later time.

"Yeah" sighed Jay gratefully, thankful for the change in subject. "When is it again?"

"Friday. 9.30AM"

Jay pulled his phone away from his ear and checked the screen. The interview would be in three days time.

"Cool, my assistant already has the details anyway. I'll check my emails to see when the car will be arriving."

"Sweet. Hit me up later, so we can talk a bit about the Nike deal. But until then; GET SOME SLEEP."

Click

Mike ended the call.

Jay  allowed the phone to slide from his ear onto the sofa next to him,  bringing both hands up to gently rub his face before dropping his head  back and allowing his arms to drop onto the sofa back. The huge floor to  ceiling windows directly opposite bathed him in the light of the  setting sun, as he allowed his exhausted and aching body to sink deeper  into his seat.

As his mind drifted, he remembered a particular  evening spent on this same sofa during a thunderstorm not too long after  he had first met Her. In fact, there were many evenings he remembered  being spent on this sofa (not all of them as innocent as the particular  evening he currently had in mind however, but all of them just as  enjoyable).

Sharing one of those huge soft furry blankets that  She loved so much, with a low fire burning in the marble wood-burning  fireplace to the right of them.

She had been drinking Jack  Daniel's, and he had been drinking soju, both just talking to and laughing with each other in an atmosphere of comfortability, while   outside torrential rain pounded against the monolithic windows and   brilliant forks of lightening spilt the charcoal grey and roiling sky,   causing occasional rolls of thunder which reverberated throughout the   building.

The dichotomy of the chaos on one side of the window pane, versus the serenity on the other hadn't been lost on either of them.

Every  now again She would interrupt the freely-flowing conversation to point  out a particularly spectacular lightning strike or a close roll of  thunder would make Jay jump, which he would then try to disguise by  acting as though he was just moving positions on the couch or picking  up/putting down his glass (which She very politely acted like She did  not notice, or turned away to hide Her smile - which he had gratefully   appreciated).

Her being in Jay's house had been perfectly  innocent at the time, having being introduced through his artist Jarv  Dee, Jay had innately felt at ease around Her. She had an easy-going and  relaxed nature, with a quick wit and genuine smile. He became further  intrigued when he found out that She was a full-stack developer and  promptly discussed possibly working together on something some time.  Which is how the new AMOG website and H1gher app came about.8

That was exactly one year ago from today and 5 months from the day She ripped out Jay's heart and stomped all over it.

"We can't do this Jay..."

Her words echoed around his head like a death knell.

Jay  had spent every waking moment carefully analysing every detail of their  interactions - every facial expression, every vocal inflection - in the  hopes of being able to at least understand WHY She had done this.

Did he say something - do something - to scare her off?

How, when things were going so good between them, could she just end everything and leave so suddenly?

Jay  was aware that he was getting older but, he hadn't really ever thought  of what the future would look like for him and who he would want to  settle down with. The kind of jet-setting lifestyle Jay led meant he had  the luxury of being able to avoid thinking about such things under the  guise of being "too busy".  And with the fast life Jay led, the women he  came across had been just as fast.

That is until he had met Her.

Meeting Her had made him truly question his life dynamic, made him want to change his dynamic.

Made  him think about when would be the time to put down the mic for good and  step back to make way for the younger artists coming up behind him?

Jay  had almost single-handedly built an entire musical empire in a foreign  land, which meant he really had to think about who it was he wanted to  share that with.

A thought he had never needed to have before Her.

She  had awakened something in him that he had been confident was dormant,  something which he had convinced his concerned parents and nagging  brother he wasn't quite ready for.

She made him think more of the life after. After all the parties, interviews, world travelling, and screaming fans.

Of the life he lived when he was just Jay, the dorky kid from Seattle.

Who did he want to come home to? Who did he want waiting for him when the lights had faded and the music stopped?

The  morning after the lightening storm had been the first time Jay had  woken up to Her. They had fallen asleep where they sat in Jay's plush  sofa, having spent the evening bonding over their respective careers,  old 90s RnB and alcohol. Seeing her head resting upon the opposite  armrest of his sofa, the golden rays of the early morning sun  illuminating the golden undertones of Her skin, made something inside  him sing. He knew he liked having Her around, liked hearing Her voice,  liked knowing she was OK.

He loved being in her presence, hearing Her laugh, seeing Her focused frown whilst She was working.

He loved smelling Her, breathing Her in whenever he could.

He loved hearing Her footsteps on his hardwood floor.

He hated not knowing why it went wrong.

But  in just a few days the H1gher app and new AOMG website was due to go  live, meaning She would be coming back to Korea for the launch.

Meaning She and Jay would be in each other's company for the first time since Her departure.

Meaning Jay would not only have to face Her, but once She left he'd have to relive the pain of her leaving all over again.

Jay groaned inwardly.

This should be fun, he thought humourlessly.

Jay reached for his phone beside him and dialled an all too familiar number.

"Hello?" Came the answer down the line.

"Hey, is she free?"

"Good evening, Mr Park. Yes she is free. Regular timing?"

Jay let out a barely audible sigh, his 1000th in the 45 minutes he'd been home. He wouldn't need too long. "Yeah."

"She will arrive in 30 minutes."

Jay ended the call.

He  stood and made his way to his drinks cabinet, pouring himself some  Hennessey before walking over to the window to take a sip, surveying the  evening sky and awaiting his visitor.

The objective of the visit was purely for the purposes of release.

And as Jay's buzzer rang twenty-five minutes later, he knew that's all anyone who wasn't Her could offer him.

[weshallc]

BERNS NIGHT (Revisited) 

Call the Midwife AU Crown Jewels fic (this one actually has Bernie in! She must have been in panto or something in January missed a few chapters)

CHAPTER FOUR: There In Thy Scanty Mantle Clad.

“There, in Thy Scanty Mantle Clad, Thy Snawie Bosom Sunward Spread.” To a Mountain Daisy by Robert Burns 1786

"I Hear Your Footsteps in the Streets, it Won't Be Long Until We Meet. It's Obvious." Oblivious by Aztec Camera 1983

 “Ouch, be careful!”

“Well stand still, Paddy,” Trixie scolded, “and I won’t accidentally prick you.”

“Is this really necessary?” whined the publican, not for the first time that hour.

“You want it the right length, don’t you?” admonished the determined dressmaker.

“That’s too short.” Paddy grumbled, swaying unsteadily on the rickety foot stool.

“No, it’s not.”

Patsy interrupted the squabbling confirming the kilt should hang from the top of the hip and finish at the top of the knee.

“This one is too high.” Paddy fiddled with the waistband.

“No, it’s not! It sits at the navel.” Getting up from her knees, Trixie playfully poked Paddy in the belly button.

The temporary male model wasn’t amused, and Delia felt some sympathy. “Right Doc, take it off now, so Chummy can alter it.”

Paddy hopped off the footstool, the green and blue checked woollen garment swaying around his thighs. He grabbed his jeans and headed out of Patsy’s studio towards the downstairs loo. Patsy, Delia and Trixie didn’t wait until he had closed the door behind him before they burst into giggles.

 Saturday 25th January 2020

Bernie wouldn’t want anyone to accuse her of being ungrateful, but she would have much rather spent her birthday at work. To be back in Poplar-on-Tweaven working behind the bar with Paddy rather than traipsing around Newcastle city centre with Trixie.

Saturday’s were usually fun at the Crown. Sundays you could always predict to be busy, due to the temptation of Violet’s Sunday lunches and the let’s have a nice day in the country crowd. Saturday’s were more unpredictable a lot depending on whether there was a match on. The football crowd had made Bernie nervous at first, but she had taken her lead from Val, who seemed to know the right mix between flirting and being one of the lads. She even surprised herself with her knowledge of the offside-rule and recognising a few players when they came in during the off-season.

“So, what about this one?” Trixie’s irritated voice broke through Bernie’s wistfulness. They were standing in Fenwick’s department store. Her friend was holding up a black mini dress bearing a large faint gold and red criss-cross pattern.

“Isn’t it a bit tartanie?” Bernie screwed up her nose.

Trixie tried very hard not to give anything away. “What’s wrong with tartan, your Scottish, don’t you just love tartan?”

Bernie bit her lip and tried to keep a level of calmness in her voice, “I am not that kinda Scottish.”

Trixie clanged the hanger back onto the rail in frustration. Bernie felt a twinge of guilt for exasperating her well-meaning friend.

“I will probably just wear my good jeans and a sparkly top, Trixie.” Bernie tried to reassure, with little success.

“But, Paddy is taking you out somewhere nice tonight, surely you want to look the part?”

Bernie took a deep breath, “The part?...the part of Paddy’s date! I am thinking jeans and a nice wee top will do just fine, Trixie.”

 It was several hours later, Bernie was looking at herself in the oak Cheval mirror in the corner of her bedroom. The little black dress with the red and gold criss-crosses did look quite nice on and it did have pockets, so that was a bonus. She heaved up her 40 denier black tights one last time. Why did they never make the small, small enough? She smiled, knowing if Chummy were in the room she would ask why they didn’t make extra large, extra enough.

A frown reflected back at her as she fiddled with her hair. Trixie had insisted on styling it with a mountain of product she had brought back from Boots. As a result, it now seemed to flick out in all directions. The would-be stylist had been very pleased with the finished article, and Bernie had smiled and made positive noises. She really wanted to put a brush through it and tie it back in a scrunchie like she did most days. Trixie’s sixth sense clicked in and she growled, “Leave it.”

They set out, tottering the short distance from Bernie’s cottage to the Crown Inn. Arm-in-arm, more for stability than out of friendship. Trixie in nine months of living just outside of Poplar had still not mastered walking on cobbles in heels. Bernie more used to ankle boots and trainers had let Trixie talk her into buying a pair of black below-the-knee boots in the January sales. Until today, the labels hadn’t been removed. She was convinced the young saleswoman and her friend had been in collusion. Eventually the overwhelming smell of leather, shoe polish and sweaty feet on an empty stomach had rendered the usually stubborn Bernie vulnerable. Well-honed sales techniques and Trixie’s promise of a Greggs’ vegan sausage roll to offset the purchase of leather eventually triumphed. These boots were definitely not made for walking, Bernie decided. She was however glad of the extra fabric as the north wind whistled around her shorter than usual hem line.

As if sensing her friend's awkwardness, Trixie squeezed her arm a little more tightly. “You look amazing, just don’t scuff those killer, fuck-me boots on the cobbles.”

This warning unsurprisingly had the opposite effect than intended, as Bernie stuttered to an abrupt halt and dropped her friend's arm.

“What?” Bernie shrieked in horror. Trixie grabbed back hold of her stabilizer and dragged her along, laughing so infectiously that Bernie couldn’t help but succumb.

“Why are you so tarted up anyway for a night in the Crown?”

“It’s your birthday and I thought you would be having a drink before heading off with Paddy. Just because it is a country pub doesn’t mean everyone has to always wear wellies and a jumper with a hole in it.”

Bernie’s mock indignation at Trixie’s jibe resulted in a snort as she tried to hold in a laugh. They were still sniggering as Trixie lunged forward and steadied herself by slapping her hand heavily against the inn’s bay window. She pulled herself up and then slapped her hand against the window one more time. Bernie, who was still giggling, just shrugged at her friend's clumsy behaviour.

“Bit slippy there, have to tell Paddy about that.” Trixie straightened up and smiled nervously.

“OK.” Bernie nodded somewhat bemused as she pushed open the large wooden doors of the old inn.

 Bernie later couldn’t recall if it was her eyes that first alerted her that something was different; the darkness giving the game away. Or it could have been her ears as they picked up the deep drone of the bagpipes. Maybe it was neither. Her skin tingling with goosebumps was more than likely the first sign that all was not as it should be.

After that initial physical reaction, her mind seemed to give up trying to make any sense of anything. It all became a blur. She remembered Trixie pushing her in the back and into the bar and placing something around her shoulders. There had definitely been cheering and then a very tuneless rendition of Happy Birthday accompanied by the bagpipes and a small band.

The pipes - bashful Kevin and his wee dog. At first she had thought Paddy or somebody had bought her a pet for her birthday. The poor wee thing was used to sitting and looking cute outside the town hall. Raising a paw every time someone dropped a coin in Kev’s mug. The animal had become a little overwhelmed by the commotion and sheer volume of people. Realizing that the lady who had just come through the door must be somehow responsible for the change in ambience; he could not resist jumping up at the new arrival with great enthusiasm. His owner was horrified, but unsure what was more important; to reprimand his charge or keep playing. Fortunately, the situation was resolved when a large pair of hands gently scooped up the tiny mongrel and calmed him down by whispering in his ear and letting him lick his face.

Bernie remembered Violet telling Reggie to take the excited guest through the back for a biscuit. The commotion had given Bernie time to take it all in, the low lighting, the table centres made up of thistles and blue and purple hyacinths, each with a thick white candle, flames dancing a jig on every table. The black, royal blue and red tartan tablecloths and a larger trestle table covered with a different checked pattern, a lighter blue and green with gold.

Bernie wasn’t given long to take it all in, as she was overwhelmed by hugs and kisses. Mostly from people she knew like the Noakes’, Fred, Jane, Phyllis and Julia along with a few she didn’t know, which was a bit disconcerting. Along with the displays of affection, cards and packages that were also pressed into her. Finding it very difficult to accept all the hugs from her friends and free herself from those who weren’t, Bernie found it impossible to balance all the gifts too. Fortunately Trixie had been prepared for this and took on the role of a lady-in-waiting, as if Bernie had suddenly been crowned the Princess of Poplar. The village's newest resident relished her role as best friend, relieving Bernie of her burdens as swiftly as she received them. Trixie may have had a colourful life, but she did like to be of use.

It was Val who finally rescued her from the wall of wellwishers. Taking Bernie by the hand, she took her behind the bar and up the stairs to the living accommodation. “Are you ready for your present?”

Exasperated by the recent unexpected events and not knowing what to expect next, Bernie just shrugged her shoulders. Secretly she was enjoying the calm of the Turner flat and not being the centre of attention. Val gave her a quick squeeze and told her, “Happy birthday, chick.” Opening the door to Paddy’s living room she added winking,

“You’re welcome.”

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: Epic Rap Battles of History

In September of 2010, a series began that would spend the decade growing, expanding, improving, and even attracting controversy: Epic Rap Battles of History. The concept is simple - take two characters from history or pop culture and have them get into a rap battle where every single line is loaded with clever allusions to the participants. From there, it can go in really any direction - rappers can jump into the middle of a battle, rappers can team up, battles can be heavily skewed in one direction… there’s a lot of variance.

Watching the series grow into something as impressive and well-done as it is nowadays has been quite an experience. The first battle, “John Lennon vs Bill O’Reilly,” is honestly pretty bad by today’s standards, with a weak beat, poor costumes, bad impressions, and just a general lack of polish. But it did have something to it, something that would come to light as more and more episodes were released - Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist really had a knack for rapping. I think the best part of the series over the past ten years is watching them go from the green rappers in that original video to incredibly talented and clever writers, singers, and actors, delivering stellar performances left and right in the more recent seasons.

With their first decade behind them, I’ve decided to go season by season and look at what worked and what didn’t as the show grew and evolved. I give an overview of each season, talk about some of the strengths and weaknesses they exhibited, and then go over the best and worst characters and battles of each season.

So, as the announcer says at the end of every intro... BEGIN!!!

Season 1

It’s hard to totally hate this season, but boy is it hard to love it. This was their first season, and their first batch of battles, so I think a little leeway needs to be given here; it’s clear they’re trying to find their footing and see what works and what doesn’t in terms of matchup and characterization. This leads to a lot of the battles of season one feeling really weird in hindsight, with the infamous “Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny” being the most standout example.

However, that’s just the most notable bit of wonkiness; there are plenty more decisions and matchups that really seem baffling in hindsight. One of the biggest ones is when Peter portrayed Lady Gaga in a rap battle against Sarah Palin of all people. This leads to a lot of the jokes Palin lobs being a bit more uncomfortable than they would have been if a woman played Gaga; this is notably the only time a female character has been portrayed by a man to this date. 

Beyond that some of the matchups are just really nonsensical or rely too much on outdated memes. The worst offender in both regards is probably “Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris,” which features Peter delivering one of his greatest performances in the series as Lincoln against a Lloyd-portrayed Norris who does nothing but spout “Chuck Norris Facts” thst we’re tired and unfunny even back in 2010. Likewise, Vince Offer popping up as backup for Billy Mays is pretty of-the-time, but that battle is actually good so it gets a pass. 

Still, there are a lot more battles that do work or at least show a lot of promise. Look no further than the second battle in the series and the one that put them on the map, “Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader.” While it’s a bit basic lyrically and not quite up to the later standards of the series, it’s easy to see why this became as big as it did. Zack Sherwin and George Watsky get their first guest spots here as Einstein and Shakespeare respectively, and both of them kill it in their roles, with the former even being part of one of the season’s best battles. It’s definitely easy to see why these two are the most reoccurring guest stars in the series. 

Ultimately, season one is uneven and experimental, but shows a lot of promise. I think the datedness of some of the battles, particularly in regards to the ones featuring characters like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga; using these two in particular so early in their careers really robbed us, particularly in the case of Bieber, whose decade-long downward spiral would have made for some really interesting disses. Then there are characters like Mr. Rogers and Genghis Khan, who are just wasted on completely mismatched opponents. There is good stuff here, but it lacks the polish later battles would have, making it hard to recommend revisiting this one. I’d say that with a few notable exceptions, you can safely skip this season.

Best Battle: “Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking” is probably the best battle of the sesaon; while the original Hitler/Vader battle is iconic, this one was one of the more clever early battles and if nothing else gave us the first Zach Sherwin performance and an awesome and faithful rendition of Hawking.

Worst Battle: “Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.” As if it could be anything else.

Best Characters: 

Lloyd: Abe Lincoln, despite being in one of the weaker battles of the season, immediately cemented himself as one of Peter’s best characters, and it definitely helps he has some pretty hard and creative disses, particularly his line involving Chuck Norris crying his cancer-curing tears on his filmography. It’s no wonder Lincoln is the only president who keeps coming back.

Peter: Darth Vader became one of the most iconic characters in the first few seasons for a reason, and despite his weaker lines here than in his sequels, he still manages to be as cool and intimidating as Darth Vader in a rap battle should be.

Guest: Albert Einstein was Zach Sherwin’s first appearance in the series, and what a first appearance it is! It really isn’t a shock he has been invited back time and time again, as he is an absolute blast in this battle.

Worst Characters: 

Lloyd: Chuck Norris is the clear loser in terms of Lloyd’s characters this season. He’s nothing but a string of tired memes, and offers no insight into Norris at all. Frankly it would have been nice if they ripped into Norris harder, seeing as he’s a right-winger, homophobe, and Trump supporter. Portraying him as some cool, unstoppable force really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Peter: Lady Gaga, hands down, and it’s not that hard a decision. She was portrayed terribly and it really is a shame they didn’t wait until later in her career to use her, because there is so much more interesting things to say about her now than back when they made the rap battle and the most interesting things to riff on were the stupid rumors that she was a hermaphrodite and her weird outfits.

Guest: Alex Farnham’s Justin Bieber is whiny, obnoxious, gets few good lines, and is more than a little mean-spirited; keep in mind, this was made early in Bieber’s career, when his only crime was being a kid with a music career who made songs some people hated. It just seems cruel, and considering how he would turn out a few years later, a world of missed opportunity… but that’s par for the course for season one.

Season 2

Season two was the proverbial “growing the beard�� moment for the series. Coming out a month after season one, the new episodes already seemed bigger and more polished, starting off strong with a rematch between Hitler and Vader more epic than the original. Things continued solidly until the season peaked with the masterpiece that is “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.” That battle was a huge game changer, and took the series to new heights, heights the rest of the season after struggled to meet. 

The big problem is that about half of the battles post-“Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates” are incredibly forgettable or even bad. “Doc Brown vs Doctor Who” is on the forgettable side, as is the first-ever election battle, which pitted Obama up against Mitt Romney. Romney alone should tell you why this battle is so forgettable; it’s a battle you really had to be there in the moment for, and is frankly a good argument as to why election battles should not be done. It’s not awful by any means, but it really isn’t memorable or relevant.

On the bad side, we have “Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury,” “Batman Vs Sherlock Holmes,” and the infamous “Adam vs Eve.” The former two mostly suffer from awful characterization, with Sinatra being set up in the same way Justin Bieber was to be the clear loser. There’s nothing wrong with a curbstomp rap battle obviously, but considering how Sinatra is NOT a reviled figure like Bieber, this one goes over very poorly. Batman on the other hand mainly suffers from being horribly characterized and having extremely repetitive verses, with both his verses basically reiterating the same points. Neither battle is godawful, but they don’t really make good cases for themselves.

Then there is “Adam vs Eve.” This battle is widely regarded as the worst battle of not only the season, but THE ENTIRE SERIES. There is a very good reason for that: this battle is a massive departure from the style and tone of the series. Adam and Eve here represent stereotypical sitcom man and woman; there are very few Biblical references and the whole thing is very one-sided in Eve’s favor, with the battle basically ending with Adam apologizing for calling Eve a bitch… after she spent the past few minutes insulting his sexual prowess and penis size. There are a lot of double standards here, and it would only have been worse if God’s planned cameo was kept in, where he unambiguously sides with Eve.

But let’s not pretend like these are more than exceptions that prove the rule. Season two is remarkably solid, to the point where some battles have aged far better than you would expect. The prime example of this is “Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe;” at the time derided by audiences as just a battle consisting of nothing but slut-shaming, looking back it is a very strong yet lighthearted entry between two incredibly intense battles that has a great beat, clever lines, and strong performances from the two ladies. There are a couple of other underrated gems of the season but this one takes the cake.

The season is notable for a lot of big firsts. This is the first season to nab mainstream celebrities as guests, getting Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Snoop Dogg himself to portray Gandhi, MLK, and Moses, respectively. Unsurprisingly the battles featuring them are some of the very best of the season. It’s also the first season with a woman vs woman battle where both characters are portrayed by women, to much better results than the previous one. It’s the first season to have a two-on-two battle, with the second battle of the season featuring the Mario Bros battling the Wright brothers. 

The biggest first however was the new style introduced in the finale: the Royale. This style of battle is basically a one on one to start, with each rapper getting one verse and then after the second rapper’s verse a third party barged in to school them, followed by a fourth and then a fifth. This first one featured famous figures from Russian history: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, and it is fun and hilarious, though Putin’s portrayal is definitely a product of its time and clearly made before people realized how evil he is.

This season also has some notable missed opportunities unique to it. The first is that there is a whole scrapped battle that was even teased in the trailer for season two, which would have had Hillary Clinton rapping against King Henry VIII. Peter and Lloyd were disappointed with how the audio came out and so permanently shelved it, though the audio is available online. It would have been interesting to see how it would have turned out, though the audio does not paint the best picture and the battle likely would have been forgettable. Still, it would have been interesting to have both parties in the 2016 election battle be returning rappers. 

The second is that, to date, season two is the only season to use video game characters, with Mario, Luigi, and Master Chief being the sole representatives of the art form. This gets weirder with every passing year, as video games continue to become more mainstream and characters like Solid Snake, Samus, Phoenix Wright, Lara Croft, and Kratos continue to be popular suggestions for battles. It just feels like a lot of opportunities are being missed, though there’s always hope now that fans have more say than ever.

Overall, season two was a big, confident stride forward for the series. While there are a few stingers and forgettable battles here and there, the majority live up to the title of the series. I’d say that, moreso than season one, this is a great starting point for the series, This season marks the beginning of what I’d like to call the Golden Age, and I would say there are very few episodes here you should skip.

Best Battle: “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” which is not as easy a decision as it seems considering the quality of the season overall. Still, this one probably holds up the best out of all of the episodes, with the rhymes, flow, disses, and beat all being legendary and the surprise interjection from HAL 9000 being nothing short of awesome.

Worst Battle: “Adam vs Eve,” which again, is probably also the worst battle of the entire series.

Best Character: 

Lloyd: Gorbachev is the winner here. He’s just a funny, goofy ditz of a Russian leader, and he definitely schools all of the other arguing Russians. His beat is unique and a lot of fun, which definitely helps him stand out even more. 

Peter: Peter has a lot of great roles this season, but it’s hard to not give the win to Santa, because Peter was able to hold his own against SNOOP DOGG. Speaking of which...

Guest: Snoop Dogg’s Moses is the standout in a season with no shortage of cool guests. I mean, come on, it’s Snoop 

Worst Character:

Lloyd: Adam, hands down, and keep in mind Lloyd also played the now-irrelevant Mitt Romney this season. Adam sucked so bad a bland politician outdid him.

Peter: I’m not sure who told Peter to play Batman like that, but… yeah. Batman sucks here. I hope they bring him back and do him justice someday.

Guest: Jenna Marbles is completely wasted as Eve. 

Season 3

Out of the three Golden Age seasons (2 - 4), I think season three is the most uneven and messy. While there are obviously some great battles here - it is part of the Golden Age after all - there are a lot of bad and awkward battles, or at the very least there aren’t as many great battles to make the bad ones seem less egregious. The tone is set by the season opener, the third and final battle between Hitler and Vader which despite a cool Boba Fett cameo ends up feeling underwhelming and boring. 

The real issue with this season is that, while there aren’t too many genuinely bad battles this season, even the good ones feel a bit off. For the bad, we have “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc,” which wastes one of history’s most badass woman against a flash-in-the-pan pop star; this battle has very few defenders, and gave woman back woman rap battles even more (undeserved) flack. To the season’s credit it doesn’t really get worse, and the only other weak battles are “George Washington vs William Wallace” (which not only conflates the fictionalized version of Wallace from Braveheart with the real one, but makes George Washington way more boring than he should be) and “Rick Grimes vs Walter White” (which feels like a ratings grab riding off of the coattails of two popular shows, though Lloyd really kills it as Walt).

For the good ones, a lot are held back from the lofty greatness of season two’s best by disappointing flaws. “Superman vs Goku” is fun and performs the miracle of making Ray William Johnson cool for two minutes, but it just feels way too short, especially considering the massive histories of the characters. The finale has a similar issue with shortness; “Artists vs Turtles” pits the TMNT against their namesakes, and the first verse and beat are fantastic, but the turtles get absolutely shafted on lyrics and the whole battle comes off as feeling uneven. This wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a four-on-Four battle. “Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe” is so close to being great, as it has fantastic lyrics and a great Watsky performance, but Zach Sherwin chose a weird, raspy voice for King that brings the battle down a bit. It’s kind of sad that a battle between ERB’s two most popular guests is hampered by such an odd choice.

Still, when the season is great, it is GREAT. Key and Peele return, this time playing MICHAEL Jordan and Muhammed Ali respectively, and they kill it. Weird Al shows up playing Isaac Newton and, as expected, is amazing in his battle against Bill Nye. And the series introduces a new, very interesting type of rap battle - the story battle/gauntlet battle. Basically, there is one consistent rapper, and they rap against multiple opponents in succession, usually with some sort of storyline. And what better story to turn into a rap battle than A Christmas Carol? Scrooge goes up against Donald Trump, J.P. Morgan, Kanye West, and the Grim Reaper to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Season three is definitely a good season, and the weaker battles are still worth a listen even if they do have some issues; the only one I’d say is unlistenably bad is “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” due to how offensive the wasting of Joan is. I feel like people listening to this season will have wildly different opinions on which battles are good, bad, and great, so even if it feels a bit wonky there’s no denying it’s worth a listen.

Best Battle: “Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge” is a real game changer, and is not only fantastic, but as its only use of profanity is censored you can reasonably play this at a holiday party! If you ever need your quick fix of the Dickens classic, this is the way to get it, as this is remarkably faithful and very good at condensing the story into a rap battle.

Worst Battle: “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” is just absolutely unforgivable; Joan deserved a more fitting opponent than Cyrus. Katniss was often a suggested opponent, but I feel like even that would be bad, as Katniss has faded from the cultural consciousness over time unlike someone like Harry Potter. Still, Joan deserved way better than to be wasted for some throwaway curbstomp battle.

Best Characters: 

Lloyd: Lloyd shows how good it feels to be a gangster with his portrayal of Al Capone, which manages to elevate the battle a bit higher despite the rather cheesy (but not bad) portrayal of Blackbeard opposite him.

Peter: Death, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, is utterly chilling, devoid of humor, and delivers one of the most legitimately terrifying verses in the series. This is why this ghost doesn’t usually get to speak in adaptations - because not only is he utterly terrifying, he steals the whole show. Peter really killed it with this one.

Guest: A lot of good guests popped in this season, but only one of them was Weird Al as Sir Isaac Newton. His flow is incredible, showing he has come a long way from “I Can’t Watch This.”  He even gets a fast rap segment where he gets to show off his “Hardware Store” skills.

Worst Characters: 

As uneven as the season felt, Peter and Lloyd actually managed to stay remarkably consistent; Lloyd didn’t play any character I can say was ‘bad’ by any stretch. For a given value of “worst,” Peter’s Donald Trump just pales in comparison to Lloyd’s a couple seasons later. But again, as uneven as the season was, Peter and Lloyd really didn’t do bad. This is the point where the duo really began to come into their own and develop as performers, with them rarely turning in a bad performance from here on out. 

The guest, on the other hand... Michelle Glavan’s Miley suffers from the same problems Bieber did two seasons prior - except her battle feels less like a funny curbstomp battle and more like they actually tried to make Miley Cyrus on the same level as ST. JOAN OF ARC.

Season 4

This is, without a doubt, the absolute best season of ERB. This is when they truly found their groove, knew what they were doing, and did nothing but pump out hit after hit after hit. It’s to the point where there is really only one bad battle in the season, and it’s not nearly as offensive as previous season’s stinkers.

Right out the gate this season proved itself by ditching the old tradition of Hitler and Vader and instead delivering up a highly requested matchup - in this case the Ghostbusters and the Mythbusters. The real treat isn’t merely the pitch-perfect portrayals, but the appearance at the end by the B Team and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which cemented this as a fantastic and unique opening. From here, it was almost nothing but fantastic battles until the midseason finale, which was a battle royale of film directors.

Many argued that the season lost steam upon coming back from break, as “Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted” was a bit underwhelming as a return, but from there the season picked up with the criminally underrated “David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini” and then continuing up with the quality, the season peaking with “Eastern Philisophers vs Western Philosophers,” a fantastic showdown between some of the greatest thinkers of history. Somehow “Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar” kept up the pace, but I will say the season faltered a bit at the ending. 

While “Jim Henson vs Stan Lee” is not bad, and is especially sweet and heartwarming in light of Stan Lee’s death, the use of Walt Disney as a soulless supervillain representing the monopolistic tendencies of his company and not the man himself is a rather contentious choice. It doesn’t help that the battle feels a lot more mellow and peaceful, which mostly has to do with the two men battling. It frankly feels like this should have been the midseason opener and the philosopher battle should have been the finale, since the latter battle feels a lot more epic and climactic. 

The only truly bad battle of the season is, unfortunately, “Oprah vs Ellen,” which did nothing to alleviate the stigma of women characters in rap battles. I feel like the major issue with this one is that Oprah just has terrible lines and delivery, with some of her lines having painfully forced rhymes. Not helping is that it came hot on the heels of “Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter,” one of the best battles of season four’s first half.

Still, that’s a small blip on this season’s radar. To wrap things up on a more positive note, this season features perhaps the most unique battle in the franchise: “Zeus vs Thor.” Not only is it the only battle between deities so far, it is also the only battle animated entirely with Legos. It not only helps it stand out due to its unique style, it makes the battle more timeless and not prone to aging poorly in terms of visuals. It’s just overall a showcase of the brilliance of Peter and Lloyd - which is really something that can be said of the whole season.

This is, once again, the very best season of the show. It’s almost nothing but incredible, fantastic works from start to finish. Even the couple of battles that I feel are a bit weak tend to have some good stuff going for them. This was really where the series was at the top of its game, and I genuinely feel that there was nowhere they could go from here but down… and down they did go.

Best Battle: In a season full of fantastic battles, the gold medal still undoubtedly must go to the philosopher battle. The awesome beat! Laozi beatboxing! Nietzsche! It’s really something special.

Worst Battle: “Oprah vs Ellen,” for the reasons stated above. It’s not even so much that it’s bad as it is really underwhelming and filled with awkward lines, but it does stick out as notably poor in an otherwise stellar season.

Best Characters: 

Lloyd: This is another Stellar season for Peter and Lloyd; it’s hard to pick just one great performance, but Lloyd voicing Stay Puft is certainly a hilarious treat.

Peter: Peter’s portrayal of Julius Caesar is one of the best showcases of his acting talents this season. I’d say it’s tied with Robocop, who Peter also knocks out of the park.

Guest: This season was absolutely stellar in regards to guests, so honestly picking the best is really a tossup. A personal favorite of mine is Dan Bull’s Jack the Ripper, who is equal parts chilling and entertaining.

Worst Character: It could only be Oprah, what with her painful rhymes and poor verses. That being said, she’s probably the only rapper I could stretch to call bad this season, as Peter and Lloyd has no bad showings and the other guests were pretty great.

Season 5

Welcome to the Dark Age. Season five is without a doubt the most divisive season of the series, and I do feel that that is a bit unwarranted because there are some truly fantastic battles here, probably more than there were in Golden Age seasons like three. The major issue with this season is not really a problem with the battles themselves, but a two-pronged meta problem: burnout, and the toxic fanbase.

The burnout was a long time coming. Peter and Lloyd had been doing ERB nonstop for half the decade at the point this season came out, and as the finale of the season, a rematch between Peter and Lloyd, showed the two were tired, frustrated, and hitting walls in terms of creativity. They obviously loved the series - there was still plenty of passion, creativity, and wit in the battles - but they needed a break, especially since Peter had recently become a father. 

The other issue was far less predictable. When the 2010s began, making fun of Nazis and conservative ideology was cool, fun, and pretty much what anyone with a functioning brain was doing. But over the 2010s, a lot of radicalization began occurring due to social media and its ability to give platforms to awful people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Nazis, alt-right, conservatives, anti-SJWs, they all started building up over the decade and trying to wage a culture-wide war on sensitivity and empathy, instead trying to convince others that the plight of those who are disadvantaged due to how the ruling class structured society is not worth addressing and that things are fine the way they are. Trump’s depressingly successful presidential campaign did nothing but embolden and strengthen the resolve of these creeps, and that kind of leads into the three most contentious battles of the season - “Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson,” “Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton,” and “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner.”

“Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson” got a lot of flack for seemingly being one-sided in Douglass’ favor, with him almost solely attacking Jefferson for his owning of slaves and not really establishing himself well. While the battle isn’t particularly engaging and I didn’t really come out feeling like I learned much about Douglass, a lot of the criticisms at the time seemed more focused on being angry that this battle addressed that slavery was actually a thing at all and that the battle watered things down to “Jefferson bad!” This is of course disregarding that even Douglass admits in his final verse that Jefferson did a lot for the country, but that we need to address the bad parts of him more than we do. Still, this was small potatoes compared to the latter two battles.

These two battles are what made Pete and Lloyd really pause due to the negative reactions both battles garnered. The election battle received a lot of criticism for seemingly having a “left-wing bias,” as despite it following a similar structure to the previous presidential election battle, Lincoln’s appearance was a lot more focused on berating and abusing Trump. One needs to keep in mind though that Trump had already definitively shown he was a racist, misogynistic scumbag at this point in the presidential race, all of his lines were based on things he actually said, and he was pretty much the strongest rapper in the battle, getting in a lot of good disses. The battle is only “one-sided” in the minds of people who want to be angry at everything; it’s no more one sided than any of the Hitler and Vader fights, it just so happens that one combatant is more evil than the other and so deserves more abuse. 

“Banner vs Jenner” seemed to get flack almost entirely due to its acknowledgment that trans people exist. I will be the first to admit that Caitlin Jenner is not really the best person to be using to push a pro-LGBT+ message, especially considering her political leanings, but the fact remains that there was a massive influx of transphobic comments in regards to the battle, mostly with very tired “The connection is they are Bruces who turn into monsters Lol” jokes. This drowned out a lot of legitimate criticisms of the battle - namely, that Jenner got to ramble on for several bars in her second verse while Hulk barely got to get in any good jabs. It’s even more disappointing because the first verses for both rappers was fantastic, and the second half of the battle looked to be shaping into something great… and then Jenner rambled on and on and on. But it was hard to find much constructive criticism because there was just so much hate and tasteless comments. Stuff like that upset Peter and Lloyd, as they had assumed their fanbase was more progressive and forward-thinking, but with how the internet works, they severely misjudged the kinds of people who had infested their fanbase. 

It really is a shame that those battles tend to overshadow the entire season five conversation, because boy are there some really great battles here. There’s underrated gems like the overhated “Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder,” strong female rappers like Julia Child in her battle against Gordon Ramsay, long-requested matchups like “James Bond vs Austin Powers,” and even a great story battle with “Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great,” which has Ivan murdering his way through historical figures with “The Great” in their titles. It’s a lot of fun, and Peter’s performance as Ivan is a showcase of his talents.

However, the season’s greatest contribution to the series is most definitely the penultimate battle, which is “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill.” This might very well be the most epic battle in the series: the ever-popular announcer for ERB’s news jumping in to battle the only man in history who could possibly be ballsy enough to stand up to him. It’s to the point where even as the battle ends, the two are still roughly on even footing and it’s hard to say who won. If this had been the season finale, or even the series finale if they had decided not to continue, things would be perfect.

This season is overshadowed by controversy, and it really isn’t totally fair. Most of the controversy is around the guys trying to be more progressive and for punching hard at Trump but not Clinton, and while I can’t say I love the results (the controversial battles are definitely the weakest of the season) it really shouldn’t be held against them for trying to be socially conscious and they certainly should not be shamed, berated, or told to leave politics out of their battles (rap is an inherently personal genre, so politics are always going to find a way in, especially if the characters they’re portraying are, you know, politicians). I think a lot of great battles are overlooked, all because of the more controversial ones, and that’s a real shame, because this is a solid season only held back by the controversy it found itself mired in due to the state of the internet at the time.

Best Battle: “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill,” naturally.

Worst Battle: “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner,” though it entirely comes down to how the second half of the battle was handled; having this be the battle was not in itself a bad idea, and was actually pretty clever. The poor, lopsided battle biased in the favor of a character who is a terrible person in real life simply because they’re trans (or at least that’s kind of the vibe the episode gives) really doesn’t help. Frankly I wish they had given the first trans character in the series honor to someone more worthy, like the Wachowski sisters.

Best Character: 

Lloyd: Teddy Roosevelt is the obvious choice, but I almost feel like it’s cheating since he is a mainstay on the channel. If we discount him, Frederick the Great is the clear winner for stealing a whole battle in twelve bars.

Peter: It’s honestly a tie between Austin Powers and Ivan the Terrible. Peter really rocked it with his performances in this season, and those two are some of his best roles ever.

Guest: In one of the most out-there yet awesome guest spots ever, we have T-Pain as Stevie Wonder, ditching the auto tune and delivering sick rhymes while tastefully portraying Stevie’s blindness.

Worst Character: Once again, Peter and Lloyd manage not to put in any bad performances, which really is a testament to how far they’ve come as entertainers.That only leaves one spot, the guest, and it really has to go to the elephant in the room: No Shame’s Caitlin Jenner.

I don’t really blame No Shame here; because she had the unenviable position of playing Jenner in the first place; Jenner is not exactly a beloved figure in the LGBT+ community or otherwise, and while it is cool they got a trans rapper to play a trans character, I feel like backlash here was inevitable just because of who it was.

What doesn’t help is that Jenner rambles on for a ludicrous amount of bars, getting in way more disses than Hulk did and not having any of her negative qualities addressed, which is especially baffling considering her real life political leanings and manslaughter charge being ripe for mockery. It ultimately comes off as tokenism, like they were trying to force a win for the first trans character by handicapping her opponent and ignoring her flaws, which ultimately backfired as most people give the win to Banner/Hulk as opposed to Jenner.

I really hope ERB does a trans character again, because there are plenty of interesting trans people throughout history, but I really hope they avoid the pitfalls Jenner fell into and make it a fair and balanced rap battle.

Season 6

After a hiatus that lasted through 2017 and until the end of 2018, the boys dropped a bonus battle to show they were coming back. And lo and behold, in the spring of 2019 season six dropped! While it is only half over by the decade’s end, one thing is for sure: Peter and Lloyd are back in top form.

The battles this time around seem to be a lot of highly requested matchups, which is not a huge shock - I believe certain tiers of donors who support them get a direct line to speak to the people behind ERB. It’s to the point where Robin Williams appearing in the comedian battle Royale was not the original plan, but he was so highly requested they added him in. Continuing the trend of popular requests opening seasons, this one kicks off with the long-awaited “Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.” It’s clear how much their lyricism has improved, and the visuals in the battle are incredible, setting the bar high for the season.

Most of the battles in the first half sadly don’t try and go for creative backgrounds, sadly; only “Joker vs Pennywise” and “Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” really do interesting stuff with their backgrounds. Still, the other battles make up for it in other ways, typically with deft lyricism and great flow. In fact, even though not all the battles are top-tier, it’s telling that the weakest battle so far is “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud,” which only suffers because of how repetitive the disses get, especially on Freud’s end - Teresa’s flow and disses hit hard, Freud has a solid second verse, and the best is very fun. The worst thing I can say about it is that it feels like a holdover from season two, and considering this has been a matchup they’ve wanted to do for a long time, it wouldn’t shock me if it is.

The production values are astounding, and the overall visuals are the best in the series, but alas there are some hiccups. Freddy Krueger and Thanos in particular look a bit off; their battles are obviously not bad, but the costumes leave something to be desired, though considering these guys aren’t a multimillion dollar film studio it’s fair to cut a little bit of slack. What can’t be excused, however. Is the constant use of outdated memes, the worst offender being a reference to “What Does the Fox Say” in the rap battle between Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes (Side note: it is absolutely hilarious that Guy Fawkes and Joker both debuted in this season, considering… well… this). Almost every battle so far this season has contained a dated visual or lyrical reference, though they don’t really ruin the battles.

Overall, the season is extremely good so far, and showcases perfectly how far Peter and Lloyd have come since that first rap battle between John Lennon and Bill O’Reilly. The flows, the beats, the lyrics, the costumes… it’s all so good now. Long gone are the awkward days of the early seasons, and the burnout that was evident in season five is truly gone. These guys are having fun again, and I look forward to the rest of this season in 2020.

Best Battle: So far this season has almost been nothing but smashes, but perhaps their greatest accomplishment is “The Joker vs Pennywise,” which manages to play off the relevancy of both killer clowns while giving us some of Peter and Lloyd’s best performances to date, with Peter in particular doing a phenomenal Mark Hamill impression. The battle is also a bit longer than usual, with each rapper getting three verses, allowing them to cram in numerous references. Joker is definitely the wittier and funnier rapper, but Pennywise has a much better flow, which honestly plays to their actor’s strengths. This is my personal favorite battle of the series.

“Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” is honestly tied, as it also plays off the duo’s strengths and is very fun with an energetic, badass beat.

Worst Battle: A lot of people point to “Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula” for its slow pace and goofier take on Dracula, or “Ronald Mcdonald vs The Burger King” for being recycled from their “Flash in the Pan Hip Hop Conflicts of Nowadays” side series with very little in the way of improved lyrics. On both counts I disagree; I think both are good battles, with the latter being one of my favorites due to how goofy it is. So far, though, the battle that was the biggest disappointment was “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud.” This was one a long time coming, but the payoff isn’t quite worth it. Most of the jokes on Freud’s side are incredibly repetitive, and in general his flow is weak compared to Teresa, who just absolutely kills it with creative and witty deliveries. It leads to this weird feeling of Freud being a season one character in terms of quality, which is a real shame. 

Best Character: 

Lloyd: Lloyd just oozes the charisma of Steve Irwin and Robin Williams when he plays them, easily making them the standout performances of this half of season six.

Peter: Peter brings his A-game as Joker, as mentioned above, but he also manages to be incredibly chilling and awesome as J. Robert Oppenheimer, easily outdoing Thanos in their rap battle. Oh snap!

Guest: This is a season of ties, it looks like, cuz Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers and Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby really change the tone of the comedian royale for the better. Cosby barely gets any lines, mind you, and spends most of the battle drugged and getting abused by Tohn’s Joan Rivers, but there’s just something hilarious about the ERB guys getting Uncle Ruckus to play a drugged-out Cosby. As for Rivers, she’s just perfect.

Worst Character: Visually, Thanos is not the best, and lyrically, Freud isn’t great, but I don’t think either of them deserves to be called ‘the worst.’ So far, this season has managed to avoid any overt stinkers.

And so we come to a close. Ten years of rap battles, ten years of growing and improvement, ten years of a rollercoaster ride of quality… it really is amazing that Peter and Lloyd have consistently managed to come back to this series and find new ways to breathe life into it. Considering their more recent videos, I can only hope they keep up this level of quality into the next decade. Here’s to another ten years of ERB!

…

Oh, alright, I’ll talk about the bonus battles. So far, there have been two: “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” came out between seasons four and five, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” came out a few months before season six kicked off to show us all that, yes, the boys were back, and they weren’t messing around. Both battles are pretty indicative of the time period they were made; “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” has that extremely high level of quality in terms of writing and characterization that season four did, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” has the sort of rejuvenated, fresh feeling the season six battles have. I will say I much prefer the former than the latter, as the latter does at least somewhat come off as an attempt to recapture the glory of “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” only with two far less charismatic inventors, but it’s still pretty fun and clever in its own right. “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” is, without a doubt, one of their best battles ever, and does justice to two of the most beloved ensemble darkhorses in all of media. I can only hope any bonus battles in the future are up to these two in terms of quality.

Now with all that said… here’s to another decade of ERB! May they only continue to grow and improve in the 2020s!

[ayankun]

yalright let’s do this

AGENTS OF SHIELD SEASON ONE REWATCH COMPLETE BREAKDOWN MEGAPOST

hella spoilers for the entire canon up through season 5, but not 6 because I only saw it the once and am having a hard time remembering ANYthing about it.

I cannot determine specifically what it was about this season that caused to be branded “literal garbage” in my mind-hole for seven years.

Best guesses:

there’s some cheesy stuff that probably didn’t sit well with me at the time, and, at the time, there was no way of knowing that that kind of stuff was going to be ultimately eradicated

there’s some good stuff, like character stuff and plot stuff, but it didn’t successfully implant positive emotional responses in my brain-hole, leading me to be frustrated/offended at its own self-importance

there’s some stuff that just Doesn’t Work.  I won’t call anybody out, but there are some main side characters whose casting, in my opinion, leaves much to be desired.  when it comes to acting ability, I feel that it’s important to have the ranges of your entire cast match each other.  if you’re gonna hire B-listers, at least make sure they’re ALL B-listers.  if you’re gonna splurge and get some S-tier talent, pleeeeease don’t embarrass the B-listers by thinking you’re doing them a favor by including them on your project.  Understood, this opinion is highly subjective and I can’t expect everyone in front or behind the screen to buy into it, but it’s definitely a pet peeve of mine that causes strong reactions in me*

some of the plots are tired and/or straight up boring.  I got through them easily this time through because I was able to focus on the things I like, which is largely character interactions and re-learning the backstory for stuff that I know will continue to be important later on.  imagine listening to your grandpa’s stories about his life, but instead of telling you the cool stories about going to the moon or whatever, he’s telling you in great detail about the time he got his shoelaces stuck on like, a rusty nail sticking out of a fence.  It’s not a great story but it does explain why his mom only bought him velcro shoes after that and one time when they were trying on shoes in the store a couple of years later, some other kid started making fun of him for having velcro shoes and long story short your grandpa’s relationship with that kid is what got him interested in astrophysics and also he married that kid twenty-five years later -- but right now the story is specifically about spending forty minutes trying not to get tetanus.

Now that I’m older and wiser, what really surprised me throughout, though, was that not only was I not having any type of reaction that validated my “literal garbage” classification, I was noticing that there was A Lot of stuff that ticked a lot of boxes.

I’m talking technical stuff, the textbook basic filmmaking stuff, the stuff that I subjectively find objectively “Good” because it means that creative decisions were made with intent and were also executed proficiently enough to make that intent clear.

I’m talking SYMMETRICAL NARRATIVE which has to be one of my all-time favorite techniques, one that I personally use a lot, and I’m very biased in responding favorably when I see it, so I think ultimately this is a huge reason why this season cannot be classified as garbage this time around.  Because it shows that they cared!  It shows that they had A Plan!  It’s an emotionally satisfying technique that can be used to great effect when tipping the audience off to how far we’ve come from where we started.  It creates this nice tidy structural loop which I find very appealing.

Just real quick, you see this in individual episodes or even scenes, too.  Here’s a classic A+ example from episode 2:

Simmons has given Skye a bottle of water as a gag because that’s what happens on planes, and that bit is a set up to this bit, where Coulson is talking about how he rebuilt the Bus from the “studs up” and it demands to be treated with kid gloves; ergo:

Only to have the thing completely wrecked over the course of the episode.  In the denouement, “just starting to warm up to this place,” Coulson says ruefully, righting a broken glass as if that will put the plane back together; Skye immediately tosses a coaster down and moves the glass on top of it.

As a callback, it juxtaposes the starting-state and ending-state in your mind and highlights the contrast between the two.  And it’s also a nice character-building beat where you, the audience, get to observe Skye’s character in that she remembers a trivial detail that happened to be important to Coulson.  You also get to see Coulson observing the same, and you understand a little bit more about both of them.  *chef’s kiss*

So this is a pretty powerful and common technique, and I guess you could say that any well-resolved narrative is by definition going to recall you to the specifics of how it started.  Like ep 1 we start with Mike and Ace, their call and response “what are we/we’re a team,” and an understanding of Mike’s desire to be his kid’s guardian and hero and his desperate search for the tools that will allow him to become that.  In the finale, we see the pay off where Ace (via Skye) reminds Mike of this motivation, and Mike is finally in the position to protect his kid by taking out the Big Bad.

But I don’t want to go through the list to demonstrate that everyone’s character arcs likewise left them in a thematically resolved position relative to where they started.  Obviously this is an expectation of all (well structured) narratives. 

(And I don’t really mean to talk about callbacks themselves, such as Fitz’s obsession with monkeys or May’s repeated demand of “don’t call me that.”)

Stuff that only comes up at the beginning and the end.  Here’s the kind of symmetry that I mean:

Skye’s use of GPS encryption and the location of the diner where she first meets Mike.  Both topics come up in ep 1, and are revisited in ep 20 when she’s stalling for time against Ward and brings him to the diner by telling him that it’s the GPS coordinates necessary for decrypting the drive.  It says, last time you were here, Skye, you were living out of a van and fangirling over people with superpowers; now you’re an official agent of SHIELD (fun while it lasted, anyway) and you’re currently doublecrossing your own doublecrosser who was directly responsible for transforming you into the competent spy you are today.

Same thing: the only time we see Lola fly is at the end of ep 1, when Coulson and Skye are heading back to the Bus, and in ep 20 when Coulson rescues Skye from off the Bus.

Ep 2: 0-8-4.  We’re introduced to the very first object with the titular designation, and Simmons idly wonders “imagine what it would do to a person.”  Ep 22, it’s used to evaporate Garrett.  Same ep, we also meet the little, what even is it, that dendrotoxin EMP (??? I don’t recall whether the gadget is named) that Ward uses, and Coulson uses it in ep 17 to incapacitate Garrett.

Similarly, all the cool alien gadgets we spent the first few episodes gathering and locking up, including that first 0-8-4, are all broken out into the wrong hands in ep 18.

Also in ep 2 we are introduced to the idea of being thrown out of the airplane and Skye & co specifically prevent Ward from being sucked out.  We’re introduced to the concept of Coulson’s cellist!  Fury also makes a cameo (”talkin to me about authority”) ! 

It’s a little later on, but ep 6 has Simmons jumping out the plane, and Ward proving his Good Teammate status by jumping out after her (while Fitz is struggling on his way to do the same).  Ep 21, Ward boots FitzSimmons out the plane, and in ep 22 Fitz finally has the chance to properly save Simmons himself.

Ep 19 Coulson has a chance to save his cellist (again)

Ep 22, Fury comes back all Deus ex Machina and relinquishes authority of SHIELD directly to Coulson.

There’s also some dialogue recycled on purpose to make a point, like Fitz-Simmons introductory scene is recreated almost verbatim in ep 21:

Ep 2, talking to Skye about his mission vs ep 18 talking to Raina about his mission

(gotta admit, the man took this role seriously.  check out that cheekbone game he achieved in such a short time)

And again, Ep 1 Ward vs Ep 18 Ward.  They even framed it the same!!

All this to say, Season 1 is Structurally Sound and it has my blessing.

Now let’s move on to the list of things I liked that surprised me:

It’s pretty well polished, visually.  Joss Whedon’s veteran control of the director’s chair is readily apparent in the pilot, setting the visual tone for the series.  There are some made-for-tv shots over the course of the season, sure, and the least impressive compositions tend to involve CGI backdrops, but they do make the most of their interior sets and work hard to dress up various LA locations to, er, inspire the idea of the international scope of the show.  In my last update, I talked about ep 8 The Well in the context of Quality Directing, so it definitely goes above and beyond the basic shot-reverse shot when it wants to.

Ward.  Just for the record, I think Brett Dalton is great at his job and really brought exactly what they wanted to this character.  Eps 1 and 2 are a little shaky and stiff, but everyone’s performances are, as they let these characters coalesce around them.  I remember not liking Ward when I was watching this live, and honestly I think this was intentional.  He’s that character that you expect that you’re expected to like, you know, the traditional cocky savior type that lots of those fancy heroes are.  But because he’s so tropey in his characterization, you’re just ... over it?  And then when they flip the script and you’re supposed to hate him -- WOW.  It’s like two Christmases at once.  They took something you were already doing and rewarded you for it.

I’m not unaware of the “redeem grant ward” phenomenon.  I’m aware that the character had fans who were honestly drawn to and appreciative of the character before that persona was revealed to be a lie.

And honestly, it’s not that I like OR dislike Ward at all.  As a person.  It’s annoying that he’s a cocky bad-boy.  But it’s sweet when he plays nice with Simmons.  It’s embarrassing that he and May have “a thing.”  But it’s cathartic when he opens up to Skye about his past.  And Then, the sequence where we know he’s Hydra but Skye doesn’t.  And Then, the sequence where Skye knows he’s Hydra but he doesn’t.  And Then, his weird yucky confusion where he still wants to pursue something with Skye or doesn’t want to put down puppy-dog-eyed Fitz.

As a character, Ward is a great character.  His set up is so bland that the twist does appear to come out of nowhere, but on a rewatch all the groundwork is there.  His characterization as a baddie is enthralling.  I’m forecasting into season 2 a bit, but you want to follow his nefarious exploits just as much as you want to see his ex-friends smash his face in.  Brett Dalton played it right, A+ good job.  It makes Framework!Ward just that much more of a beautiful thing, to get to see what it would have been like if the Season 1 persona had actually been the man.

Also as covered in the last update, I was really very pleased to see how much character work was being done in this season.  Because I only watch and rewatch starting from the second season, there are important plot points that I’d been grudgingly attributing to this season about which I’d forgotten the specifics, such as, what’s the deal with Gravitonium, howcome we hate Ward so much, where did they get that memory-torture-machine, why are you acting like I recognize Titus Welliver’s character?  What surprised me was how much of a focus there is on character development as well.  A lot of good origin story stuff, like how green FitzSimmons is and how soft and good-hearted Skye is and all the reasons we respect and trust May and all the reasons we would follow Coulson to the ends of the earth.  Watching a found family start to put down roots is worth it, too, ten times out of ten.

The tie-in stuff wasn’t as overstated and stifling as I remembered it being.  They were allowed quite a long leash even this far back.  Centipede is based on Extremis, but helms a a unique narrative.  The Asgardians-of-the-week are just MacGuffins for driving character stories.  Turns out all of SHIELD has been Hydra all along!  Sucks to be you, a show about the Agents of SHIELD ... oh wait, Daddy MCU’s insane twist is mirrored in the DNA of your team’s composition AND baked into your overall season arc?  Well then.  Carry on!

Engaging with Season 1 explicitly as a prequel is a powerful thing.  First time through, I had the distinct realization that “too much of a good thing” was at play regarding Coulson.  He’s everybody’s favorite MCU character in 2013, hands down, but ... getting intimate with him for 40 minutes a week really waters down his mysterious G-man appeal.  BUT.  After spending six+ years with the man, Season 1!Coulson is a precursor to the 3-dimensional Director you’ll fall in love with, rather than a distortion of the one-liner MCU!Coulson you thought you wanted.

So what’s next!  Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and here all all the things I associate with AoS that were not present in Season 1:

Robot hand.

DaISy JoHnsOn

AGENT/DIRECTOR MACK where is he I need him

Fitz’s facial hair

Their underground SSR base with the exposed brick, I miss that place all the time

Hive, Bobbi*, Hunter, Kyle MacLachlan, Maveth (everything** about Seasons 2 and 3, really).  Robbie Reyes.  Aida and Kasius!!  I know these things are temporary, but they’re so important to the best bits and I love them.

Getting to see episode after episode where there are scenes at a time containing a majority (up to 100%) of women and/or POC characters with executive agency, and none of those characters are token or temporary but were placed there with intent to normalize a diversified cast.

My absolute favorite episode of all time, 4x15 Self Control.

Things I am not looking forward to:

**Lincoln.  I’ve seen these seasons four times and just now I had to google his name because I wasn’t sure it wasn’t Logan.  He’s garbage and I’m glad he’s dead.  Other opinions are available.

Misc. Thoughts

*I said I wouldn’t name names but Adrianne Palicki is a C-lister who can swing a B+ if the stars align. I love Bobbi, though, especially the way the character’s reputation precedes her, how her adorableness complements her badassness.  In fact, the character’s a great foil to May, who is also a badass lady and S-tier agent but has a completely different approach to being those things.  Bobbi’s a reminder that badassness and aloofness are not correlated at all.  Also there’s a headcanon out there that she’s non-binary (one of the reasons she prefers Bobbi over Barbara) and that is a concept I can get behind.  Bobbi’s perfect and I’ll fight you if you don’t agree.

Poor Trip!!!!!!!  When you always start from Season 2, he’s really just a flash in the pan, there and gone.  I’ve always been like, “well, he didn’t really have a home here, no carved-out niche, so I guess getting Coulson’d and becoming something to avenge is the best a character like him is gonna get.”  But now that I see that he comes late to the game as a literal stand in for Ward, his story is that much sadder.  He was never intended to BE a character.  He’s introduced with Garrett as a pawn/distraction during this arc’s who-is-Hydra shell game, he’s kept to demonstrate what kind of friend and agent Ward should have been, his defining character trait as a gentle flirt only serves as a catalyst for Fitz’s coming to terms with his feelings for Simmons.  The poor guy is just a walking plot point, up until the bitter end.  :<

I had entirely forgotten and/or never tracked the fact that Fury put together Coulson’s team specifically to monitor him after project T.A.H.I.T.I.  I’d forgotten the distrust Coulson has for May after he perceives that she has betrayed him by being a part of this.  It’s a season-specific reveal that is literally never mentioned again.  It’s important to the fabric of the narrative of that particular arc, offering up May alongside Ward and Trip as fodder for the aforementioned shell game, but the true inciting incident of this entire show just gets swept under the rug and ceases to matter.  I’m kind of :/ about that.

When you’re bi and non-binary, you’ll get a lot of mileage out of wanting to be/be with Daisy and/or Fitz, don’t judge me

In conclusion, Season 1 is the opposite of literal garbage, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is my favorite show and my favorite MCU movie, Daisy Johnson is my favorite Marvel superhero (not related to Season 1 but still true), and nobody had better spoil Season 7 for me pleaAAASE don’t let it happen.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

#1yrago Mother American Night: John Perry Barlow's posthumous memoir

John Perry Barlow lived many lives: small-time Wyoming Republican operative (and regional campaign director for Dick Cheney!), junior lyricist for the Grateful Dead, father-figure to John Kennedy Jr, co-founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, inspirational culture hero for the likes of Aaron Swartz and Ed Snowden (and, not incidentally, me), semi-successful biofuels entrepreneur... He died this year, shortly after completing his memoir Mother American Night, and many commenters have noted that Barlow comes across as a kind of counterculture cyberculture Zelig, present at so many pivotal moments in our culture, and that's true, but that's not what I got from my read of the book -- instead, I came to know someone I counted as a friend much better, and realized that every flaw and very virtue he exhibited in his interpersonal dealings stemmed from the flaws and virtues of his relationship with himself.

The first thing I noticed in reading Mother American Night was Barlow's voice. Literally. I listened to the audiobook, ably read by Ray Porter. When I started listening, I thought, That guy sounds a little like Barlow, but it's not like he's doing impressions or anything.. Ten minutes later, I was like, "Holy shit, the ghost of John Perry Barlow is in my earbuds." It wasn't Porter's voice so much as Barlow's words -- his incredibly gift with language, combined with his habit of manicuring his anaecdotes to a carefully calculated rough-hewn perfection, shining through with unmistakable glory. Barlow is one of the world's great storytellers, and his ability to spin a yarn was one of the secrets of his success, letting him tunnel through his readers' eyeballs and straight into their brains, grabbing them and winning them over to his team, and then to his team's cause.

The second thing I notice about Mother American Night was that Barlow was sure settling a lot of scores in the early chapters. Sure, we were meeting his parents and various Republican operators and the Dead and their retinue and experiencing them in all their variegated virtues and failings, but Barlow also had some sharp knives for those (mostly) long-dead friends and relatives, and he wasn't afraid to slip them in. Barlow's barbs have the air of long-mulled grievances, honed to perfection, waiting for an opportune moment to be unsheathed.

As beautifully turned as his phrases were in these early chapters, as much as he made you feel these half-century-old disappointments and sorrows, they also felt...unworthy. Petty, even.

And then Barlow drops the other shoe: while in one chapter he might be excoriating his father or Bob Weir or Jerry Garcia, a couple chapters later he's revisiting them with enormous affection -- often spilling details that are every bit as intimate and revealing as the dirt he had revealed a few chapters back. He lands these one-two punches with incredible grace and insight, and it changes the whole nature of the enterprise, from a well-told memoir with some bits in dubious taste to a revelation about Barlow's enormous affection for the people in his life -- not despite their myriad failings, but because of them.

Then the other other shoe drops: because Barlow is meting out the same treatment to himself that he's subjecting everyone else in the Barlowsphere to. He's incredibly hard on himself, and also fully aware of his prodigious virtues and accomplishments. His treatment of himself is just as uneven (and sometimes unfair) as his treatment of everyone else is: some sins that shouldn't be readily forgiven are swept under the rug (in himself and others, Barlow is extremely willing to forgive sexual objectification, provided it is carried off with some kind of panache) while other human frailties are held up as examples of moral failings. Barlow's writing in a very brave and very revelatory way here.

Though Barlow dwells on the highs and lows of many famous personages here, the most incredible (literal) bombshells are not celebrity gossip: they're things about Barlow that he never revealed to a soul -- for example, that he once planned and nearly executed a suicide bomb attack on Harvard Square with the intention of awakening people to a kind of unnameable dread that he believes was the motivation for Charles Manson (even more incredibly, he says that the administration at Wesleyan -- who headed him off before he could blow himself up and commit mass murder -- hushed up the whole incident, stuck him in an institution on thorazine for a couple of weeks, then let him finish the school year with no further incident).

Other reviewers have discussed the details of Barlow's memoir-- the tragic loss of his true love, a woman who died of an unsuspected genetic disorder during a transcontinental flight, his brief dalliance with Anita Hill, and more. I found these stories fascinating; I had been on the periphery of many of them, encountering Barlow in various locales around the world and getting fragmentary versions of the story (we once slowly traversed the width of Black Rock City while he explained his intention to start a second family with a young woman he planned to marry) -- getting the polished, final versions, with the punchlines that hadn't happened yet, made the whole Barlow situation a lot more linear and causal.

But for all that this is an essential, beautifully written book that is full of humor and tragedy and revelation, it's not perfect. As it reaches its final act -- everything from the founding of EFF onward -- it takes on a rushed aspect. Barlow was dying by then, and may have known that he was running out of time, or it may just be that the earlier material had been polished by many repetitions by one of the world's great raconteurs. I would have liked to hear as much about Ed Snowden as I did about despicable roadies for the Grateful Dead, and if Barlow were alive today and I was his editor, I'd tell him to add 25% to this book by fleshing out the last 25% of his life.

But Barlow's dead, and hardly a day goes by that I don't think of him. Listening to this audiobook made me feel like I was walking the playa with him again, spinning out stories, debating, laughing, catching him defaulting to gnomic utterances when he started losing an argument and calling him on it, to his enormous delight... I miss him very much, and I'm so glad that he left us this book; it makes me sad to learn that he was as hard on himself as he was, and also happy to know that in his clearer moments, he knew just how much he meant to all of his friends.

Mother American Night: My Life in Crazy Times Hardcover [John Perry Barlow and Robert Greenfield/Crown]

https://boingboing.net/2018/06/21/grateful-dead.html

[merriammusicinc]

12 Great Jazz Piano Songs That Are Easy to Learn

Jazz piano songs are smooth and soulful pieces of music. But that's no reason to be intimidated by the genre. Here are some easy and beautiful jazz songs you can learn on the piano.

Are you new to piano but are beyond the beginner stages?

You're probably interested in learning advanced songs. If you're a fan of jazz sheet music, you may think learning jazz piano songs is difficult. But there are great jazz piano songs for all piano players to learn.

There are certain jazz songs that are easy piano play and are remembered by everyone. You can easily jam them yourself and team up with other musicians to play them. And of course, these songs are extremely fun to play.

Whether you're taking jazz piano lessons or are self-taught, here are the 12 jazz piano songs you should learn now. These songs will improve your piano playing skills while you learn your favorite jazz songs, watch a few of the piano tutorial videos to help you out a bit.

1. Snow White - "Someday My Prince Will Come"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0nfWH4jaTs You probably know this song from the Disney movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. But this song was reinvented in jazz form by many jazz musicians.

You can easily take the vocal leads and convert them to the piano, such as what Chick Corea did.

The striking feature of this song is the melody. But hearing the Disney version, you can tell the varying notes isn't an easy song to sing. Therefore, it's quite difficult to play on the piano.

The lead melodies captivate anyone who hears this song. But unlike the Disney song, the jazz piano version gives this song more complexity. This makes this song fun but challenging.

2. Ella Fitzgerald - "All the Things You Are"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJFYjnCdRcM If you're unsure where to start with jazz piano, always start with the classics. "All the Things You Are" is a perfect starting piece. Dating back to 1939, this song was played by Jerome Kern.

This song is the epitome of classic jazz composition. Chord progressions and other dynamic changes make this song challenging. But everything flows so naturally, so it's complex yet beautiful.

Most beginners find the intro difficult. But once you get past the challenging beginning, you get a better feel for the song. After you practice this song, the chord changes and other dynamics make more sense.

3. Herbie Hancock - "Dolphin Dance"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AJrR7QSoJA

You can't say "jazz piano legends" without mentioning Herbie Hancock. This is why his tune "Dolphin Dance" is on this list. Hancock is an influential pianist for his complex but individualistic writing style.

This song goes through a variety of chord changes but always manages to keep its melody. You're completely hooked throughout the song because it's unpredictable. There are also many intricate parts and parts that slow down.

Practicing this song not only enhances your piano playing skills but also improves your songwriting.

4. Bill Evans - "Waltz for Debbie"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cx9qDO-KEhw

"Waltz for Debbie" is one of the most beautiful jazz piano pieces in history.

Performed by Bill Evans, this song is a classic. This song is perfect for a beginner and is constantly revisited by expert pianists.

This song doesn't do anything too complex but the song is enjoyable enough to play. The secret is the tune. The tune is so strong that it sticks with you. This makes this song easy to get stuck in your head so you'll recognize each note.

Last but not least, this song is still fresh today. This is why Evans was such a notable pianist for his time. This song is an example of modern jazz.

5. Thelonious Monk - "Round Midnight"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YGMJpmJJVc Thelonious Monk is one of the most influential jazz pianists and composers.

"Round Midnight" is one of his most well-known songs. This song has been covered by just about every great jazz pianist. And it's a perfect song to learn on piano.

"Round Midnight" isn't as complex as other jazz piano songs. It has a strong melody that you can easily follow. This song is very calm but has enough complexities to challenge a beginner piano player.

From the beginning to the end of the song, "Round Midnight" follows a distinctive but infectious tune. After playing this song, you can understand how Monk has influenced many pianists.

6. Red Garland - "On a Clear Day"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7usQX54PiGA This song is recommended for beginner jazz pianists because it isn't your traditional jazz song. There's a lot of swing influence that makes this song a lot of fun to play. The swing influence gives this classic tune a fun and upbeat vibe.

Legendary jazz pianist Red Garland performs this song and is a timeless tune.

The groove of the rhythm section and the fun piano melodies makes this song intoxicating.

This song is relatively simple to play but is fun enough for advanced jazz pianists.

This song is easy to learn for beginners but is challenging enough to improve their skill.

7. Ray Brown Trio - "Sweet Georgia Brown"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzgwaOXAyJM Back in 1925, Ray Brown Trio performed "Sweet Georgia Brown" with Gene Harris on piano. This song gives jazz its classic sound but makes the genre more fun.

Even with a dominating rhythm section, Harris' piano melodies stand out. This song is completely upbeat but still relaxing. It's an easy song to play but it's easy to get sucked into the song as you play.

The piano parts are polished and you'll feel great as you learn to play this song.

In this song, Harris uses piano styles from swing, gospel and blues to create a unique feeling. This makes "Sweet Georgia Brown" one of the most unique songs in jazz. If you want to excel as a jazz pianist, this song is a must.

8. Duke Ellington - "Take the "A" Train"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhsIgOuoIhw The famous jazz standard "Take the "A" Train" was written by Billy Strayhorn, and was performed by Duke Ellington, who regularly performed it with his orchestra.

This song was also recorded by countless other artists, including Ella Fitzgerald. The song is about the new subway in New York in the 1930s!

9. Dave Brubeck - "Take Five"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeXPhL4LyuQ This song was composed by Paul Desmond for the Dave Brubeck Quartet during 1959, in which he uses saxophone. Two years later it became a surprise hit and the biggest-selling jazz single ever.

The quartet recorded the tune in two takes, and when it was done, Paul Desmond thought the song was a throwaway — so much so that he once joked about using his entire share of royalties from the song to buy a new electric shaver. The title "Take Five" was Brubeck's idea which became the A side of a 45 record.

10. Erroll Garner - "Misty"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxZYy-XZrb4 The pianist and composer who came to fame during what is often called the swing era of Jazz in the 1940s was Erroll Garner with his style of piano playing encapsulated the stride technique of earlier pianists but it was Garner’s abundant virtuosity and lyrical fluency that characterized his performances.

Misty is a jazz standard written in 1954 by pianist Erroll Garner. He composed it as an instrumental on the traditional 32-bar format and recorded it for the album Contrasts (1955).

11. Duke Ellington - "Satin Doll"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pS-khqMGNo This song was also written by  Duke Ellington last 1953.  Its chord progression is well known for its unusual use of chords and opening with a ii-V-I turnaround.

Duke Ellington used "Satin Doll" as the closing number in most of his concerts. Wherein it makes as a modest hit, entering the pop charts in June and rising to number twenty-seven.

12. Joseph Kosma - "Autumn Leaves"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iX_NbXQcho This is a 1945 popular song and jazz standard composed by Joseph Kosma with original lyrics by Jacques Prévert in French, and later by Johnny Mercer in English.

This song was listed as a number 1 best-seller in the US Billboard charts of 1955 by an instrumental version of the pianist Roger Williams.

Time to Learn These Jazz Piano Songs

If you want a unique challenge to your piano playing abilities, learning jazz piano is an enjoyable way to improve your piano skills. If you're unsure which songs you should learn, these jazz songs are perfect for any piano player to learn. Jazz piano makes ample use of improvisation, polyrhythms, syncopation and swung note, as well as aspects of European harmony, American popular music, the brass band tradition, and African musical elements such as blue notes and ragtime.

These songs are all fun to play but offer unique challenges. They're well-rounded and can help you improve on many areas of piano playing. From complex chord progressions to simple melodies, all of these songs are different but amazing.

Do you need piano lessons? Take a look at our piano lessons.

More Jazz Piano Songs

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[covidcorrespondence-blog]

The Perimeter

What is it about our society that makes us feel like lack of productivity is somehow sinful? I am so deeply guilty of this. I’ve thought this many times over the last weeks of living in the perimeter. The Perimeter. The mile that contains me. It’s probably less than a mile; I’ve never been terribly good at translating measurements. A mile seems small enough yet large enough to contain several lives.

Several days too I’ve woken up completely unable to gauge where I am or what the hell it is I am supposed to do with myself. I keep experiencing these waves of complete exhaustion – I don’t know where they’re coming from, but my best guess would be a decade of work and relentless productivity. For what?

Containment.

This fucking containment.

I graduated at the rear end of a crisis (for some), the belly of it (for others). I remember clearly this lull of uselessness, the way lack of purpose (whatever that means) totally destroyed me.

I needed to go from productive to more productive; better, shinier, ‘stand-out’, exceptional, brighter… more… employable. Employability was everything I thought about. It was everything my graduating class thought about. I wonder what those 30-year olds who lived through the crisis thought back then. Did it make them stop in their tracks and revisit their life plan, polish their ‘employability’? But, also, this is an entirely different crisis and, largely, I couldn’t give a shit about my employability right now. Isn’t that ridiculous? Comical even? One graduate on the blog lamented that she has spent the last five years completing her PhD only to be doing so in the midst of the worst economic crisis of our time. I felt for her. Very much so. I think often about what it would be like to be so scared of the future, in a totally different way than in 2008. Then, we were frightened about empty bank accounts. Today, we are frightened about body counts. That sort of fear never leaves you. It is the sort of fear people who run carry with them in their eyes. Things we only watched in documentaries or on the news.

I grabbed my baby, packed all of her things, and took her to safety. I did it in the comfort planes have to offer, with passports that allowed me to take her to ‘safety’. I said goodbye to a life with her that I myself did not know I was saying goodbye to. I cried as we closed the door of the apartment. Maybe I knew subconsciously that these would be the closing of a life and the start of another.  Sometimes I want to be grateful; other times I want to be angry. I am angry. I’ve wasted so much time worrying about wasting time.

Waste. I hate waste. It’s incredible that this moment for the world came at this exact moment in my life. This moment where I had to choose to live or to live for. I have begrudgingly learnt that those are two very different things. On the Camino, we carried underwear, t-shirts and a change of shorts, headphones and pen and paper. What we needed most is water and food. I had little money. I forgot to remind myself that that is the most alive I have ever felt armed with nothing but a change of underwear.

All I had in my bag coming to Denmark was a change of underwear. The world reminded me that, really, that’s all I need to live. Water and food, I would get too. There you go.

It is not some much being on The Perimeter that bothers me or the slowness. It’s the sharing space with people I wouldn’t otherwise choose to share space with. Maybe this would have been better in absolute solitude or just with Freya. No, no. It wouldn’t. How could I know? I try not to muse about different scenarios because what’s the point? I am here and I am healing. I wonder what shape the world will take, Lou, and I fear that I have no say in it. I’ve battled the word ‘potential’ for so long, but I have never really gotten to answer: potential to do what? Does it matter, though?

I called Chris. We kissed all night once when I was 17 years old. I remember sitting on the staircase in the dorm room waiting for him to pass by and say hello; I remember him playing his fiddle in the common room and looking up to him from the floor where I sat cross-legged. Then, I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The most exotic - this American boy. He played me Americana, Folk and Bluegrass. My world, in one night, tore open. I feel like I can go to that room and walk to it in my memory even fourteen years later. I created a Gmail account to talk to him. He walked me through it. Sitting at my monstrous desktop computer under my Manchester United curtains, I would wake up at odd hours to catch him online before that was even really a thing for us simple folk in Europe. 

I asked him whether he feels less creative in isolation. He skipped straight to saying he is playing less. Creativity to him means music. We stopped and talked about why that is. He is obviously a very creative person; incredibly literate. You’re right, that is weird. What do we see as our ‘creative’? I go to art, for some reason, or writing. Art is a bit of an odd one because I don’t feel that, at any point in my life, I could have been a great artist… or probably a great anything. I can write better than I can paint but not better than I can sing. So, bit odd that my first thought is: you haven’t painted anything and are therefore not being terribly creative. Back to Chris. He said he will explore that thought. Chris likes to explore things I like that very much about him. He is curious and free. The latter not so much physically now given the situation in American and piling coffins. Every concert he has had booked this year has basically been cancelled. If he weren’t financially savvy, owing to moving to Nashville in the middle of the financial crisis from Washington with very little, he would be one of the thousands of artists who would be in big trouble about now. Art is so indispensable (always) and especially in times like this. But how do you measure ‘productivity’ in art? Where does it fit in to our Victorian and Protestant work ethic? This is what this is… outdated. I doubt we will learn. Next year may be the year he gets to do his creativity again. 

I’ve been working at weeding the garden. I smiled a little when I heard him say that.

He has this porch that looks out over the garden. It is wild-ish and raw. Nothing particularly curated as far as I can see. It is strange to think of his hands as associated to anything else but playing the violin. I associate his hands with sound not grass. We talk about purpose being a dangerous thing in these times where not fulfilling our supposed purposes (is that a word?) is the only thing we can feasibly do. It’s strange to hear him adapt to this new reality and use his body to do other things and survive. Our way of bunkering up is opening up. That is also a wonderful thing, right? Seeking space to survive.

Creativity is trying to find new ways to experience this lockdown, we agree towards the end of our phone-call. We check in daily with one another as much as we can. He is my community and in so many ways, after 14 years of this – meeting only once briefly in Brooklyn – he has been the most constant presence in my life.

I have been sleeping off the mornings. The day feels shorter this way.

I will walk now in The Perimeter.

[ofseaandsky]

New Fic - The Ties That Bind

A/N:

So this is something I’ve spent a few months now writing and polishing. It’s long, nearly 100K words at this point. I don’t have a number for how many chapters yet, because I’m still working out how I’m planning on splitting them up. It’s 90% done at this point which is why I’m comfortable starting to post it and I will finish it. It’s a slow burn because that’s the only way I see it ever really happening between these two. There will be smut later and apparently once they start, they don’t seem to want to stop, so there’s that. But I emphasize again, it’s a slow burn, there is quite a bit to get through before they get to that point.

Things I have decided to ignore:

1.     Science (insofar as Raven’s extra time buying solution wouldn’t work, but the show is pretty relaxed on how science works, so, sorry)

2.     Raven’s brain issue (it was a bit difficult to write in, but in theory it could be still happening in the background, but it’s not really relevant to the story so if you want to think she’s had it and solved it as she did on the show, that’s fine too. I’ve just not included it in the story)

3.     Translations of Azgedasleng/Trigedasleng (basically because I’m a bit lazy and I couldn’t get it to work naturally

4.     A couple of other thing which I won’t mention because Spoilers!

It’s set in 4x08 and goes off canon from that point forward. It’s unbeta’d so any mistakes are mine and I’m sorry. I try and catch them all, but it’s not always easy. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Clarke stared at the empty spot where the destroyed radiation chamber had once sat. There was no trace of it apart from a few glittering shards of glass on the ground and scuff marks from where it had caught the floor as Roan and Miller had pushed it out of the room. An empty broken tomb of possibilities no one could stand to look at any longer. Especially Clarke.

She was still furious at her mother for her impulsive decision that had essentially destroyed their last hope. Abby was already packing up the last of her supplies, preparing to return to Polis, an urgent call from Kane prompting her into action. Clarke had no idea what had rattled her so much, but the discussion had been had behind closed doors and she had been too busy reconciling the events of the previous day to snoop.

Clarke couldn’t shake the shiver of discomfort that raced through her bones like an electric shock. She rubbed her arms to ward of the chill trying to force life back into her extremities but the heavy weight of failure and the sharp, bitter taste in the back of her throat filled her veins with ice as she thought back to the grounder’s last painful jerks and spasms as he spewed black blood like an oil geyser. She wasn’t sure what made the shard of self-hatred twist deep in her heart more: the death of the morally questionable man or her own half-failure in part due to her mother’s fear. She had never felt less like a leader than she did today. The weight of responsibility over so many lives was dragging her down to the ground, the gravity of it all pulling her down and making it hard to straighten her spine and continue standing tall.

Roan approached, dressed once more in leather and furs, sword strapped at his side. She watched him as he moved toward her with determination she envied, confident in himself and what they were doing. Or had tried to do. He had extended that faith to her and she felt shame burn deep at how little she deserved his earlier praise. He didn’t swagger with false confidence; it was part of the set of his bones. He moved like he knew he could part the seas and expected everyone else to acknowledge it. He moved like a king.

“Ready?” he asked and she nodded physically trying to shake herself from her thoughts.  

It was time to move forward and hope that they would find something in the next week. If not, there was nothing left. They would all die. She couldn’t hold his gaze but felt him watching her closely as she cast her eyes about the room. She wanted so desperately to feel a measure of the hope she’d had when she plunged the needle in her arm. She knew that had been the right thing to do, but it had all been for nothing.

“I just want to say goodbye to Raven,” she said and he followed quietly behind her, standing a distance away. He was still a little awed at the technology the bunker housed but hid it well, especially to those who didn’t know him well. Clarke had seen the brief flicker of pride on his face as she pulled the needle from her arm and thought she may read him better than many. Like recognized like after all.

“We’re heading back to Polis,” Clarke said, walking up behind her friend as she furiously scanned the data on the screens before her. She looked over at the world map; a series of bright red squares highlighting all the known locations of nuclear power stations and was overwhelmed by the visual representation of what was to come. Death didn’t come quietly it seemed. It raged against them and had the audacity to brandish its colors as it rode toward them.

“Yeah, okay,” the dark-haired mechanic said, not looking up.

Clarke sighed. She didn’t want to leave on such bad terms. There had been no other choice but to test nightblood the way they did, but she knew it had brought back memories that Raven was none too happy to revisit. Too many people died at Mount Weather for the sake of the human race. Too many more would die soon and she was helpless to stop it and too angry to mourn what was to come.

Raven turned to Clarke abruptly; she looked equal parts disappointed and proud. It was an expression that would have looked odd on anyone else. She studied her friend for a long moment, before rolling her eyes and pulling her into a hug. Clarke gripped her tightly, relieved in the small show of forgiveness.

“I found a way to redirect the existing solar power grid structure to continue cooling the reactor cores on this continent,” she said gruffly pulling back from her gently.

“What does that mean?” Clarke asked and just like that the spark that had been extinguished was flickering again deep behind her sternum.

“Another two months before radiation levels get unlivable,” Raven said, a little excitement flowing into her words. “Depending on the jet stream and how quickly levels rise in Russia.”

“That’s amazing,” Clarke sagged with relief. She looked over to where Roan waited by the staircase and surprised him with a dazzling smile. He frowned at her, but the corner of his mouth turned up just a fraction.

“It won’t mean anything unless we can find a solution,” the mechanic snapped, glaring at her with a hard look. “One that doesn’t involve any more human experimentation.”

“We will do everything we can. We’ll find a way,” Clarke said with a nod and just like that the steel returned to her spine. She needed a minute to think. Two months. They would surely be able to find something in two months.

“I’ll let you know if I find anything else,” the anger had drained from Raven’s tone and Clarke shot her a small smile.

“Thank you,” the blonde said. “If anyone can, it’s you Rae.”

Raven nodded and turned back to the monitor before her, dismissing Clarke to continue searching through the data. Nightblood may still offer a solution if only they could tweak the formula. And Clarke had already given a bone marrow samples for them to work with when Luna once again refused. It may not be perfect, but there was a chance. There was a little spring in her step as she joined Roan at the foot of the stairs.

“Our resident genius bought us two more months,” she grinned up at the king, her mouth still stuck in a stupidly wide grin. His eyes shot over her shoulder to look at where Raven was pointedly ignoring them, the quirk of his lips expanding into what could passably be called a smile. There was a twinkle in his eye that wasn’t there before and Clarke would have bet it was hope.

It was time to head back to Polis.

 The little optimism Clarke had left Raven with had all but been destroyed as she watched the warrior king stare down Indra and her fellow tribal leaders. The groundwork was being laid for a war no one could afford to fight. She wondered at what cruel joke was being played on her and their fellow survivors. She wanted to scream and rip the world apart with her rage. She felt it vibrating fiercely in her hands and had to clench her fists to make them stop shaking.

“We talked,” Roan said, looking at her significantly before he turned and left the bunker. She couldn’t stomach watching him leave.

Clarke felt bile make a home at the back of her throat once more. Her heart was shaking in her chest, fury at the unfairness of the fates conspiring against her making her want to explode and shower the world in her pitch and gore. This was not the end; she refused to let it be. She would rage against the coming darkness. She would not go gently into the night and let her people, grounders and Skaikru alike, slaughter each other when they could work together. Not this time.

“Indra,” Clarke turned to her sometime ally. “You cannot seriously want a war instead of the chance to survive!”

“It is the way it must be, Wanheda,” the other woman squared her shoulders and made to turn and walk away.

“Is there anything that can be done? Apart from war?” Clarke didn’t like the defeated edge her tone had. “You know that at best this will kill as many of your people as it will theirs. Probably more.”

“It is our way,” she repeated, but there was a flicker of doubt on her face. Clarke hadn’t even shared the extended timeline with anyone save Roan. Not even her mother knew. She would hold fast to that information until the very end.

“If there was someone that could unite the clans behind them?” Clarke pressed, casting a look at the warriors behind her.

“There is no longer a Commander to lead our people,” a bearded man said gruffly.

“I know,” she said urgently. “I’m begging you please, attend one more summit, with all the clans. If no agreement can be reached there, you can go to war.”

“I fail to see what that will accomplish,” Indra said eyes already burning with the promise of violence and war.

“Maybe nothing,” Clarke said, frustrated. “But if nothing else it will get more of your people in place to fight.”

“And more of theirs,” a woman interjected. The warriors looked firm in their resolve. Clarke thought quickly, they needed a leader not a child begging on their knees.

“You will need Skaikru to help you live in this bunker,” she changed tactics, it was time to pull out her Wanheda persona. “The tech is too complicated for you to learn. You will not survive without us, not in the time we have left.”

“You are willing to sacrifice your own people for Azgeda?” Indra asked appalled, but there was the slightest crack in her tone that spoke of uncertainty.

“I gave my word and I want everyone to see reason,” she said, her voice strong, shoulders thrown back, face cold and blank. “I am willing to do what it takes for everyone to survive. You will need Azgeda when that bunker door opens.”

“We will never need Azgeda,” a large man scoffed dangerously, spitting on the ground by his feet. But Indra watched her intrigued and the blonde pressed on.

“When that bunker door opens,” Clarke continued, staring down each of the Trikru warriors present, letting the righteous fire burning in her belly to shine through her eyes. “There will be nuclear winter. We may not see the sun clearly for years. The land will be cold and harsh, beyond anything you have seen. Beyond anything most of the clans have known to survive. Except Azgeda.”

“Why should we believe anything you say, Wanheda?” the same warrior from before took a challenging step forward.

“Because I want us all to survive,” she said firmly. “It is what I have always wanted us to do. Build a future together. Help each other. Survive together. It is what my father died for. If it comes to it, it is what I will die for. I was willing to just hours ago.”

Clarke stood tall, facing them as she would a whole army of warriors. Indra looked at her for a long moment, and she knew she was being evaluated. Dark eyes roamed over her face and Clarke held her breath with her chin raised and blue eyes filled with determination.

“If King Roan will call the summit,” she said slowly, ignoring the rumble of disagreement behind her.  “Trikru will attend.”

“That is all I ask,” Clarke said and left the bunker as quickly as she could manage. Now she just had to convince Roan to try one more time. As soon as she cleared the bunker doors she shook the tremors from her limbs and flexed her fingers. She was shaking but used the adrenaline of the half won fight to drive her up the stairs to the king’s chambers.

 “Wanheda kom Skaikru,” a guard announced as she entered the king’s chambers. Clarke had been surprised she hadn’t met with any resistance when she asked to speak to Roan. Echo glared at her as she entered and Clarke thought she saw Roan’s shoulders drop with a sigh. She wasn’t sure why that made her stomach clench in sympathy.

“What do you want, Clarke?” he said, pressing his hands down on the table. “I am preparing for war.”

He sounded more defeated than she had ever heard him as he stared down at a table filled with parchment and maps, hands heavy on the edge of the table. Clarke knew he wanted to work together but the look in his eyes as he faced the Trikru warriors and her own people when they reached the outskirts of Polis was one she would relieve for a long time. It had cut deeply into her though she did the best to warn him. She wouldn’t claim to feel as betrayed as he did, but she was certainly not running into the waiting arms of Skaikru any time soon.

“I have come to ask you to call the summit,” she said, eyeing Echo as the warrior scoffed. Her beautiful features were twisted in anger and her eyes were hot with rage and suppressed violence. It was obvious she didn’t like or trust Clarke and was just looking for an excuse to unleash her violence.

“The king will not place himself in such a position,” she said venomously, a hand on her sword. Her body was coiled like a snake ready to strike. The only thing that kept Clarke’s well-deserved fear of her in check was the deep loyalty Echo had displayed time and time again. She wouldn’t strike without the order and Clarke still trusted Roan.

“Echo,” Roan interjected after a moment. “Let her speak.”

Clarke maintained eye contact with Echo as she fell back. She wished she were having this discussion with Roan alone, but it appeared he was not about to offer her that trust. She supposed she couldn’t blame him all things considered, but the pang of hurt didn’t come as a surprise.

“I convinced Indra to bring Trikru to the summit,” Clarke explained, approaching him. “She promised she would come and hear us out.”

“Us?” the king straightened and turned toward her. His blue eyes were guarded and cold and glittered like ice.

“Yes, us,” she emphasized. “We are in this together. And you know it.”

“We tried talking,” he crossed his arms over his chest, the leather of his jacket creaking with the movement. He looked imposing and untouchable and Clarke swallowed against the knot of fear in her throat. She tried to focus on the faith that he had always seemed to extend her; she just had to find a way to encourage it.

“I need you to try one more time,” she said, reaching forward to lay a hand on his crossed arms. She saw Echo move closer and her eyes wearily flickered over to where she stood.

“I don’t have time for this,” he said. “And you are in no position to ask it of me.”

“I never betrayed you,” she said, feeling her heart race behind her sternum and allowed a little of her fear of him to slip into her expression. “I stood by you and honored our agreement. No one told me about the bunker. They lied to me because they knew I would never stand for it.”

“I believe you, it is why you are free now, but your people do not inspire my faith,” he trailed off, implication hanging heavily in the air, but didn’t back away.

 She felt the heat of him under her hand and recalled the feel of his body pressed against her back, cold knife to her throat, as she trusted him to hold his hands steady. The last whispered ‘run’ before he pulled her behind him, attempting to grant her escape while knowingly sacrificing himself. She focused on the memory and leaned closer.

“They pursued a dream and found the only help available,” she emphasized. “And Jaha thinks he has more power than he does.”

“That does not reassure me, Clarke,” he countered, arms flexing and firm under her touch.

“I risked my life to save yours, because I have faith in you,” she said softly, trying for a little privacy for her confession. “I would have given it up in that radiation chamber, too to save us all. I trusted you then and I still trust you now. Please, give this one more chance.”

His eyes glittered down at her, his brows drawn in a harsh frown, making his features even sharper. She felt the puff of his breath against her face as he watched her silently, evaluating. The heat radiating off of him made her want to both press closer to stave off her fear-borne chills and step away knowing she was encroaching too close into his personal space. Too close to the fire in him that drew her in so strongly and called to a part of her she hardly knew. She waited silently heart thumping heavily in her chest.

“Please, Roan,” she pleaded softly, squeezing his forearm gently, and his eyes softened just a fraction. “I swear if this doesn’t work, I won’t stand in the way of your war. And when you win, I will convince Skaikru to help you survive in that bunker. But that is not the way I want to do this. And I don’t think you do either.”

The silence hung heavily in the room after her promise. She hadn’t meant to play to his pride, but she didn’t doubt Azgeda would easily defeat Trikru and take the bunker. They outnumbered Trikru nearly five to one from what she had seen but it wouldn’t make for an easy survival in the confines of the bunker. There needed to be trust between the survivors otherwise they may end up killing each other before a year was up.

“Call the summit,” he instructed, Echo visibly balked as if she had been physically struck, but nodded and left them alone in the room. “Either way this discussion ends tonight.”

“Thank you,” she said as her breath left her in a great rush of relief and removed her hand from him. He watched her take a step back with a look that seemed to cut straight through her. One she was growing familiar with from the stoic king.

“Your Chancellor may attend if you do,” Roan continued, moving back to the table. He turned to lean his back against it and faced her in a way that was probably meant to be casual, but there was nothing casual about the king of the Ice Nation.

“I will,” she agreed, unsure what to say now that she found herself alone with the dark haired man.

“How do you plan to convince them?” He asked, challenging her with a raised brow.

“I’ll tell them everything we know about praimfaya, the probable timeline, that we have hopes that nightblood will be a workable solution, the room we have in the bunker,” she said, wondering what he was really asking. She had nothing else to offer, and could only hope that the clans would be willing to work together. It was the only way to guarantee that the human race would have a hope of making it through what was coming.

“And when they want to declare war on each other for the bunker?” Roan prodded, and she realized he had already run through probable scenarios in his head.

“I hope they will understand that they need each other,” she answered defiantly, knowing she was being naïve. He was watching her still, his eyes flashing enigmatically at her impassioned responses.

“The clans will need more than your words, Clarke,” he admonished softly, but not gently. “We cannot abandon our ways for yours because you wish it.”

“I’m expecting everyone to see reason,” she argued. “Surely they will once we tell them what we can offer. Skaikru has the knowledge to survive in the bunker, but each clan has knowledge that will help us after.”

“And they will understand that they need Skaikru, but no other, and even then they could kill you all once they learn how to operate the technology.  They will work together if you give them reason to trust in the Coalition. They cannot feel that they are sacrificing their own people to do what Skaikru or Azgeda or Trikru want. They need to feel they are a part of the plan, an essential part holding the whole together,” he continued, watching her.

“Working together is the only way humanity stands a chance. They are an essential part based on that alone. War will not solve anything at this point. We can offer an equal share of space in the bunker, we may even find more in the time we have left,” she said and thought back to the folded piece of paper tucked away in her belongings that burned her fingers every time they strayed over the already worn edges. She would not back down from this, it was too important. Surely, she could get through to at least one person.

“You never listen, Wanheda,” he exhaled in a rare show of irritation; the dismissive use of her title evidence of how far she was pushing his patience.

“I am listening!” she said, frustrated, taking the last remaining steps so she stood right in front of him. “I have been doing nothing but listen, we need to act! We can’t keep talking circles around each other. We have weeks left, maybe a couple of months if we’re lucky.”

“I agree,” he said, not phased by her sudden proximity. “And by allowing some concession to our ways the ambassadors will listen and choose those best suited for surviving what is coming. It would ensure humanity’s best chance at survival. And those who choose not to will be left to their fate.”

“What do you suggest?” she asked finally, and was rewarded with a small smile. This was the concession he had been waiting for.

“The clans will require blood,” he answered simply, sitting up a little straighter now that he knew he had her attention.

“More bloodshed?” Clarke asked, repulsed. “That is what we’re trying to avoid.”

“Blood oaths, Clarke,” he interrupted her before she could start venting her frustration. He held up the palm of his right hand where the wound from their initial oath was still pink and barely healed. Her own hand twinged in sympathy of their shared pain.

“Oaths?” she asked, frowning.

“And strategic marriage alliances,” he added and Clarke was hard pressed to define the look in his eyes. It seemed she had been too early to deem herself at all competent at reading him.

“Marriages?” She didn’t know what marriages would do to keep the peace but if a few marriages between the clans would ensure survival it seemed a small price to pay.

“Between kru people of similar standing that connect the clans who agree to the alliance,” he added, watching her mind work through the problem. “It would require a week of celebration, which I know you will object to, but it is the only way I see the clans coming to an accord.”

Clarke desperately wanted to object and had to forcibly bite down on her tongue to stop herself. Roan was watching her closely, an air of nonchalance that was a little too unaffected. She may not know every look he leveled on her, but after spending time with the reluctant monarch she felt she had started to understand when there was more behind his words. He had already weighted the merits of the other strategies and found this one to be the one most likely to work that much was becoming obvious. He had been silent most of the trip back to Polis, and Clarke had assumed that had been mainly due to her mother’s presence in the back of the rover, but maybe he had been running through probabilities.

“And this would unite the clans? Enough to buy us the time we need to prepare? Find a way to share that bunker?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Yes,” he replied.

“So we arrange a few marriages to intermix the clans, have a big party and that’s that?” she couldn’t help the disbelief that slipped into her tone as she folded her arms across her chest. Roan straightened to tower over her. She raised her chin to maintain eye contact.

“If you are trying to insult me it won’t work, Wanheda. Especially so soon after you’ve admitted you trust me. I don’t take such declarations lightly. Marriage is uncommon for many clans and basically unheard of between kru, this would bind them to each other by blood. Blood bonds are sacred and held above all else,” he explained, his voice a low rumble and face blank.

“And how do we decide who enters into these arranged marriages?” she asked, turning the problem over in her mind. She already knew it would be unpopular with Skaikru but desperate times called for desperate measures.

“Anyone entering these alliances must be willing. Your clan becomes their clan. Their clan becomes yours. It is no small burden to bear,” he looked over her shoulder briefly before returning his gaze to hers.

“So we bring this proposal to the summit and see who is willing,” she nodded, conceding to take a step back. “Those who are will be offered nightblood, if we get that solution to work, and any resources we manage to find, including the bunker, evenly distributed between the different krus.”

“That is acceptable,” he stated, placing the bone coronet on his dark hair, resuming the persona of King of Azgeda once more. A mask fell over his features as his eyes shuttered and sharpened. It made him look so much colder and she shivered under his scrutiny. A sharp knock on the door signaled the Summit was assembled.

“Who will you need from Skaikru? And how many?” she asked as she turned to leave. “We do not have an established monarchy or a warrior hierarchy.”

“I would think that at least one would be obvious, Wanheda,” he replied, his cold mask slipping into a smirk as he donned his cloak in preparation for the meeting with the gathered leaders and ambassadors.

Clarke slowly froze in shock, realizing the implication of the words immediately. She would be top of the list for her people, another in a long line of sacrifices she continued to make since that overheard conversation between her parents. It felt like time slowed and stilled, the world around her sharpening as the air was sucked out of her lungs. She wasn’t one to let others fly into battle on her behalf, but a part of her, a deep secret part of her, shuddered at the thought of politically motivated marriage especially since odds were she would never have met her groom to be before. The thought made her stomach twist and she focused on the scuffed toes of her boots.

“And who holds similar standing to the Commander of Death?” she spat the question, not daring to meet his eyes in fear of seeing humour, or worse, pity in them.

“I would suggest perhaps only a king,” Roan replied, an edge to his tone she couldn’t understand. When her head shot up in surprise to look at him, all she saw was his back as he left his chamber for the ambassador’s summit in the throne room. She felt like she knew less than she had going in but knew that something monumental had shifted. She only hoped it was in the right direction.

“Oh, shit,” she whispered, doing her best to school her features into the indifferent mask of the Wanheda when it felt like the floor had disappeared from under her feet. She trusted Roan, didn’t she? Suddenly she wasn’t so sure.

[componentplanet]

Best Games for Laptops and Low-End PCs in 2020

When I first became interested in computers, the idea of gaming on a low-end laptop or desktop was a contradiction in terms. Your options were: Intel, if you could afford them, AMD if you needed a cheaper but good-enough option, and Cyrix if you hated yourself. In the modern era, we aren’t nearly so constrained. Modern games target every type of device and form factor, making it comparatively easy to find titles to play.

We’ve rounded up some of the better ones below.

In this list of our favorites, we’ve tried to blend a mixture of modern titles and a handful of older classics. If you’ve been gaming for a number of years, we strongly suggest Googling “best games of X,” to remind yourself what hidden gems you might have missed the first time around. A game that required a midrange PC to play in 2011 likely runs just fine on an integrated GPU in 2019, especially if you’ve got an Ice Lake-based notebook or Ryzen Mobile 4000-based laptop. Integrated graphics don’t have to mean unplayable games.

The PC gaming news cycle often doesn’t serve the interests of the larger PC gaming community when it comes to game discovery. This is particularly and sadly true for low-end gamers. Lost in the endless churn of new titles is the fact that there are literally thousands of amazing PC titles released long before you bought your system. Don’t be afraid to go digging for gems you might have missed in previous generations.

One way to express a love of PC gaming is certainly by investing lots of money in gaming hardware, but it’s certainly not the only one. What matters isn’t the amount of money you can plow into the hobby, or how new the games are, but whether you enjoy them.

This time around, I’ve added a “Runs on” listing to give the minimum specs for the game. I cannot guarantee how good the experience at the minimum spec is, but this way you can eyeball games and get a sense of whether your hardware can run them.

All games should be assumed to require Windows 7 or above unless specifically stated otherwise.

Poly Bridge

Your Inner Civil Engineer Requires: Pentium 4 2GHz, 2GB of RAM, GeForce 7200 GS, 150MB of storage.

Poly Bridge is a great puzzle game, somewhat in the tradition of now-ancient titles like The Incredible Machine. In this case, you must design bridges that can carry a certain number of vehicles while also coming in under budget. These two simple goals can be difficult to achieve in later levels (there are more than 60), since the game adds various hazards and the need to deploy construction techniques I’m fairly certain the Army Corps of Engineers does not approve of.

The game recently got a sequel (which I haven’t played yet). Reviews of it seem a bit less enthused than for Poly Bridge, with one noting it felt more like an expansion pack to the original. It is, however, excellently rated on Steam.

Disco Elysium:

Stagger Drunkenly at an Adequate Frame Rate: Intel Core 2 Duo, 2GB RAM, 20GB HDD space, 512MB graphics card.

In Disco Elysium, you’re an alcohol-and-drug-abusing amnesiac detective who has been hired to solve a murder mystery. This sort of thing happens so often in games, you’d think there’d be some kind of agency in charge of ensuring would-be detectives still knew their own names.

As you work to solve a murder you’ll remember things about yourself as well and have access to a system of traits with which to flesh out your character. There are 24 skills in the game, and they all have an impact on how the game evolves. Pick the wrong (or right) ones, and you may end up arguing with yourself over the correct course of action. It won Game of the Year from several publications, and it’ll run on 14-year-old hardware.

Mutant Year Zero: Road to Eden

Search for Scrap On: Core i5-760, Phenom II X4 965, GTX 580 / AMD Radeon 7870 HD, 6GB RAM, 8GB HDD.

This XCOM-meets-Fallout title is based on the tabletop Mutant Year Zero game. If you’ve played the modern XCOM games, you’ll be familiar with most of the gameplay elements, though Mutant Year Zero gives you direct control of your squad outside of combat and fuses XCOM’s gameplay with some light RPG elements.

The worst thing we can say about Mutant Year Zero is that you’ll have to do some Googling to figure out which buttons are tied to which keyboard functions. The game’s plot and post-apocalyptic setting recall the best parts of Fallout, and while the game isn’t as deep as one of those sprawling titles, it still feels like a spiritual sequel. Mutant Year Zero: Road to Eden feels a bit like a “AA” game, for lack of a better phrase. Reasonably well-polished with solid aspirations, but you won’t mistake it for a 400-hour dungeon crawler.

World of Warcraft Classic

Visit Beautiful Molten Core if You Own: Is your PC literally old enough to vote? No? You’re fine. Officially, Core 2 Duo E6600 or AMD Phenom X3 8750, 8800 GT or Radeon HD 4850, or Intel HD Graphics 4000. Unofficially, you can run probably run Classic on less. I’ve tested it on a 2015 Razer Blade Stealth with Intel 520 HD graphics and the frame rate was high enough to make me think there’s some headroom in those already-low-end graphics options. Interestingly, WoW Classic isn’t listed as requiring a DX11 GPU.

Lakeshire, Redridge Mountains. Left is Retail, right is Classic.

Revisit a simpler time, when an MMO that largely takes place outside and requires you to congregate with large groups of people didn’t feel fantastical (at least not for those reasons). WoW Classic is everything you loved (or hated) about original World of Warcraft. I’m a biased fan, to be clear, but just because I’m biased doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

It’s World of Warcraft: Classic, which is to say, #NoChanges (except for a few of the changes, but really, there aren’t that many).  There’s a lot to love in the original version of Blizzard’s MMO classic, especially if you like games of this era in the first place. It may use the modern WoW engine, but Blizzard re-used original WoW’s textures and assets. The result is a game that runs just fine on a low-end PC, including Carrizo-powered AMD ultrabooks and Intel integrated graphics.

Alternately, you could pick up Runescape Classic, which literally runs on mobile phones now. Your move, Blizzard.

Untitled Goose Game

Chase People Like an A****** With: Core 2 Duo 8500, Nvidia GeForce 510, 4GB of RAM, 820MB storage. The 510 is a bottom-end card from 2011, which means midrange or high-end cards from 2011. As long as your GPU can handle DX11, you’re fine.

Untitled Goose Game challenges you to find the Canadian goose inside yourself. Yup. This is a game about being an unrepentant asshole. Since the joys of honking and flapping don’t require a high-end PC, Untitled Goose Game is another game that’ll run on just about any toaster you can drag out of storage.

Honk. Flap. Steal objects, trick humans, annoy pets, wash, rinse, and repeat if necessary. It’s a brilliant game for people turned off by “typical” titles looking for a silly, funny, low-key experience.

Arkham City

Soars Through Gotham On: Any dual-core CPU at 2.4GHz or more, Nvidia 8800 GT or AMD Radeon 3850, 2GB of RAM. Supports Windows XP.

I’m sticking with Arkham City in this update, rather than moving on to one of the newer titles. Arkham Asylum is, to be sure, still an excellent game, and it runs on an even lower-spec system than Arkham City. But between the two of them, Arkham City is the better overall Batman game. Batman’s overall bag of tricks gets polished and AC offers you playing time as characters like Catwoman, with her own distinct moveset and animation style.

Arkham City feels as though it genuinely captures what it would be like to “be” Batman, with a clever twist on why you face a never-ending army of thugs. If you want to find out if you’re going to like the Arkham game series, I’d say this is the best one to try. If you need something even gentler on system specs, try the original Arkham Asylum.

Into the Breach

Calculate Strategic Micro-combat Using: Any 1.7GHz CPU, 1GB of RAM, 300MB storage, and an Intel HD 3000 IGP.

Into the Breach is a turn-based strategy game that takes place on small maps of 8×8 grids. From the makers of FTL, Into the Breach challenges you to beat back waves of attackers in turn-based combat. There are no XCOM-style probability fields to deal with here — you get full transparency into what actions will be taken by both your own characters and the enemies you engage with.

Into the Breach launched in 2018, but it’s still winning recognition for its unique approach to turn-based combat today. Definitely worth checking out, if you’re looking for some turn-based combat options.

West of Loathing

Spittoon-and Snake-Themed Exploration Needs: An Nvidia GeForce 7200 GS, Core 2 Duo 7400, 2GB of RAM, and 4GB of storage. Runs on Windows XP SP2+.

West of Loathing is a “graphical” adventure game that could run on a Lite-Brite. Don’t let the black-and-white stick-based graphics fool you — under the hood is a classic adventure game with RPG elements, killer clowns, demon cows, snake oil salesman, and a heap of spittoons to dig through in search of loot. The dialog is laugh-out-loud funny and the game’s irreverent humor recalls the best adventure game writing of earlier eras.

West of Loathing came out at the end of 2017, but it’s still a top pick if you need a game that runs on anything and offers some genuine laugh-out-loud moments.

Stardew Valley

Want to Farm Crops and Help People? You’ll Need: Any CPU at 2GHz or more, any GPU with at least 256MB of RAM and SM 3.0 support, 2GB of RAM and 500MB of storage.

Stardew Valley was heavily inspired by the Harvest Moon series of video games but adds its own spin on the concept. Explore Pelican Town, make friends, fall in love, and restore your grandfather’s farm to health in a gentle, open-ended title that will tease your curiosity as opposed to yanking you hither and yon with frantic quest demands.

Stardew Valley received a major endgame update last fall in Patch 1.4, with new monsters, fish ponds, a new mystery to solve, various bug-fixes, quality-of-life improvements, and similar updates. Multiplayer support is also now available.

Cuphead

Visit the Era of Classic Animation (and Try Not to Die) if You’ve Got: An Intel Core 2 Duo E8400, AMD Athlon 64 X2 6000+, 2GB of RAM, Nvidia GeForce 9600 GT / AMD Radeon HD 3870, 20GB HDD space. Only needs DirectX 9.0c support, but still requires Windows 7.

Cuphead’s visual aesthetic is truly unique — it’s the only game we’ve ever seen that mimics the “rubber hose” animation style of the early 1930s in a frenetic 2D game. You’ll need sharp reflexes to beat the game, but not much in the way of PC horsepower.

Cuphead is a great game for someone looking for a game you might fairly call “Nintendo hard,” particularly if they enjoy its animation.

Minecraft

Fend off Creepers and Illigers With: A Core i3 3210 or A8-7600, 4GB of RAM, 180-1GB HDD space, Intel HD 4000 or AMD’s Radeon R5 family, and a 1024×768 display.

The open-world sandbox of Minecraft has been used to create everything from 1:1 scale models of the starship Enterprise to functional (if simple) CPUs. In between, there’s an easily accessible game with a rich crafting system, dangerous mobs, and huge worlds to explore. If your ideas of gameplay run more towards “give me a big space and lots of tools,” and less towards coherent narrative and story-driven play, you may find Minecraft much to your liking.

That doesn’t actually tell you nearly enough about Minecraft, a game that’s inspired millions of people to spend billions of hours stacking blocks on top of each other. Minecraft is a phenomenal crafting and building game.

Orcs Must Die, Orcs Must Die 2

Revisit the Simple Joy of Spring-Loaded Traps and Acid Bombs: Any dual-core CPU at 2GHz or above, a GeForce 6800 or ATI Radeon x1950 with 256GB of RAM, 2GB of RAM, and at least 256MB of VRAM. Supports Windows XP.

I recommend both, but OMD2 is definitely the better game.

Orcs Must Die and Orcs Must Die 2 are some of our favorite titles for mindless slaughtery goodness and have a permanent space on my hard drive. This hybrid tower-defense/action game tasks you with burning, blasting, freezing, smashing, dissolving, shooting, and generally wreaking mayhem against wave after wave of orcs, trolls, ogres, and other various bad guys. It’s easy to learn and sometimes surprisingly difficult to master.

OMD excels at offering a variety of fun ways to slaughter monsters in quick succession. Spring-loaded traps that hurl creatures through the air? Check. Acid sprayers and arrow traps? Check. Trinkets to transform you into a massive ogre, hurl fireballs, or turn orcs into chickens? Check.

Darkest Dungeon

Explore Your Ancestor’s Darkest Secrets: 2GB of RAM, a GPU capable of supporting OpenGL 3.2 (released in 2009), 2GB of storage. 1080p, 16:9 displays recommended.

Darkest Dungeon is a 2D, side-scrolling dungeon crawler with a side helping of Lovecraftian horror (hold the racism) and a mental health management simulator. As your heroes wind their way through the stygian abyss, they’ll face the dripping claws and rasping moans of the eons-damned creatures that dwell beyond the stars. Safeguard them carefully, or you’ll find the abyss staring back at you when you least expect it…

Darkest Dungeon can be legitimately annoying, but if you love mods like “Longest War” for XCOM, this series is a treasure. DD doesn’t pull punches, and if you think you’ve figured the game out, that probably means there’s a DLC or difficulty level waiting to kneecap you around the corner.

So that’s our list. Feel free to chime in with your own. What older games or titles still have a cherished spot on your hard drive, and what games do you find yourself returning to, long after they’ve supposedly been surpassed by more recent releases?

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from ExtremeTechExtremeTech https://www.extremetech.com/gaming/269774-best-games-you-can-play-on-laptops-and-low-end-pcs from Blogger http://componentplanet.blogspot.com/2020/07/best-games-for-laptops-and-low-end-pcs.html

[thelifeofmeabookworm]

Hi everyone I’m so excited to be part of the blog tour for The Spring Girls by Anna Todd a retelling of OMG Little Women my favourite movie/book!

Below you’ll find a short excerpt and all the links you’ll need to go find out more.

Four sisters desperately seeking the blueprints to life—the modern-day retelling of Louise May Alcott’s Little Women like only Anna Todd (After, Imagines) could do.

The Spring Girls—Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy—are a force of nature on the New Orleans military base where they live. As different as they are, with their father on tour in Iraq and their mother hiding something, their fears are very much the same. Struggling to build lives they can be proud of and that will lift them out of their humble station in life, one year will determine all that their futures can become.

The oldest, Meg, will be an officer’s wife and enter military society like so many of the women she admires. If her passion—and her reputation—don’t derail her.

Beth, the workhorse of the family, is afraid to leave the house, is afraid she’ll never figure out who she really is.

Jo just wants out. Wishing she could skip to graduation, she dreams of a life in New York City and a career in journalism where she can impact the world. Nothing can stop her—not even love.

And Amy, the youngest, is watching all her sisters, learning from how they handle themselves. For better or worse.

With plenty of sass, romance, and drama, The Spring Girls revisits Louisa May Alcott’s classic Little Women, and brings its themes of love, war, class, adolescence, and family into the language of the twenty-first century.

Excerpt:

Meet the Springs

Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,”

Jo declared from her spot on the rug.

She sat at the feet of her oldest sister, Meg. Jo’s long brown

hair was unruly, as it always was. She was my strong girl. She

was the only one of my girls who didn’t hog the bathroom. Her

delicate fingers, the black polish on their nails chipped, picked

at the frayed edges of the Afghan rug under her folded legs.

The hand-woven black-and-red textile had once been bright and

beautiful, and I remembered when my husband had sent it to

our house back in Texas from his former post in Kandahar, Afghanistan.

In my head, Denise’s scratchy voice reminds me to use

proper military lingo: my husband’s FOB in Kandahar. The biggest

forward operating base in Afghanistan, she would also necessarily

add. Denise was always on my case. Come to think of

it, she even had comments about the rug when I got it. She said

he could have sent it to the base and paid no fee.

None of that mattered to my girls. From the moment it arrived,

they loved that rug as much as I did. When I ripped open

the package from their dad, who had been living across the

world for the past eight months, the girls—particularly Jo—

were excited to own such a beautiful, culture-filled treasure

from the other side of the world. Meg loved that we now had

a lavish handcrafted object in our simple home. She was my

most materialistic daughter, but I always knew that if I tried

to teach her right, she would use her love of shiny things to do

something magical and worthwhile with her life. Amy was too

young to really care about the rug, and of course Beth knew

it was coming because her daddy knew that she was the only

Spring Girl who could be trusted to keep the secret. Plus, on

a more practical level, since Beth was basically homeschooled,

Frank knew she could watch out for it. Later, he explained to

me that he wanted to mail the package straight home so that

we could be treated with the rug as a surprise on our doorstep,

rather than as a pickup chore on the base. I’m not sure if I told

Denise that she would understand.

Of late, our beautiful rug wasn’t as beautiful anymore.

Dirty shoes and heavy bodies had worn it down, and the colors

blended into a mud brown that I tried my best to clean, but the

color just wouldn’t come back.

We loved it not one bit less.

Read Today!   Amazon:  iBooks:  Barnes & Noble: Kobo: Google Play:  Add to your Goodreads:

Meet Anna Todd:

Anna Todd is the New York Times and #1 internationally bestselling author of the After series. Hailed by Cosmopolitan as “the biggest literary phenomenon of her generation,” Anna began her literary career on the social storytelling platform Wattpad. Serialized on Wattpad in 2013, After has over 1.5 billion reads on the site. The print edition, published in 2014 by Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, has over 15 million copies in circulation, has been published in over 30 languages and is a #1 bestseller in Italy, Germany, France and Spain.

A native of Ohio, Anna was a voracious reader all her life, citing Pride & Prejudice, Wuthering Heights and Fifty Shades of Grey as some of her favorites. In 2012, after discovering the world of fanfiction for fandoms like Twilight, The Vampire Diaries, The Mortal Instruments, Anna began writing as a way of continuing the stories she so loved from fanfiction community.

Connect with Anna:

Facebook:  Twitter:  Instagram: Stay up to date with Anna by signing up for her newsletter here: and here:

[symbianosgames]

Game Developer magazine's Brandon Sheffield reflects on what designers can learn from their first video game loves. (Originally printed in Game Developer's March issue, available now.)

They say you're forever dating your first love. Not literally, of course, but the early patterns set by your first relationship, and the relationships of your parents, tend to strongly influence how you approach love and relationships for many years to come.

I wonder: Is the same true for games? Do those early games we played in our formative years influence what we now perceive as "good" and "bad" in interactive media? Do they influence how we design games? I submit that they may.

Let's think about a series like Dark Souls/Demon's Souls. These games are punishing, require rather exacting inputs from players, and have somewhat fiddly controls that require getting used to. That sounds like a nice recipe for a failure stew. So why did these games succeed?

One of the praises you often see from reviewers is that the series reminds them of the glory days of Japanese console and arcade games, which were built with much the same recipe. It's like a new love affair with an old flame - the same problems as always, yet sweetly, lovingly familiar. Japanese publication Dengeki said of Demon's Souls, "Fans of old-school games will shed tears of joy." IGN reviewer Sam Bishop echoed the sentiment, saying, "Those that can remember the good ol' days when games taught through the highly effective use of intense punishment and a heavy price for not playing it carefully should scoop this up instantly."

But what about people who didn't grow up with that experience? What about those who are more used to frequent checkpoints, and the game providing a full experience to blaze through in one go, rather than in halting steps? For them, the game is a harder sell, which is why Sony passed on publishing Demon's Souls in the West, and core-oriented niche publisher Atlus had to step up and do it instead.

For Demon's Souls, its link to the past helped it succeed. But perhaps the reverse can also happen: Our personal game heritages could, at times, make us slaves to our past interests. For example, I tend to like games that are interesting, but flawed. To me, a glitch in an otherwise super-polished Call of Duty is extremely glaring and illusion-shattering, but I'll happily forgive poor graphics and the occasional invisible wall in a game like Nier, which stabs out in all directions with new ideas. If a game tries hard to do something different, I'll forgive its faults - and if I want to be a designer who makes games that are good at making money, this preference for different-but-flawed could hold me back from making games with commercial appeal.

With this thought in mind, I decided to dissect my own past as a player to see what influence it might have had on my current interests.

My history is a bit odd - I went from the 2600 and Intellivision (which were already old when I got them, but they were affordable!), to the TurboGrafx-16, which I saved up for months to afford. And this is the console that informed my early days as a player of games.

The Valis series, for example, is not very well known, but I played it to death. It's an action, platforming, hack-and-slash affair that stars a high school girl, out to save the world, with a sword taking on a horde of monsters. Pretty standard fare for the 1990s.

You could jump, perform a sword attack, use magic (and could power up both of these attacks), walk, and roll. I replayed Valis III recently, and I noticed something about those rolls that may have influenced my current interests and design habits. Rolling allows the player to travel for a set distance, both under obstacles and across gaps. But this distance is such that, at times, beginning a roll just a few pixels one way or the other means life or death in a difficult platforming section. On top of that, the platforms themselves can occasionally have dressings that don't count as area you can stand on.

This is most likely something one would want to avoid in the modern era, because it feels like the game has tricked you, when you've clearly made the roll visually, but it's counted as a death. Less obvious, though, is the triumph you feel after defeating that particularly difficult section. It's as though you've succeeded in spite of the game's efforts to thwart you. You are actually fighting against the game itself, which we're generally told not to do - but in a modern game like Demon's Souls, it makes the thrill of victory that much more compelling.

There is a lesson here for me as a designer: I can sometimes focus too much on making things smooth for a player in the immediate term, versus their long-term experience.

I won't bore you with my history as a player, but revisiting these old game-loves continually revealed patterns in my current thinking. For instance, Bonk's Revenge's somewhat mystical and alchemic systems helped drive me to chase the elusive beast that is emergent gameplay in a simple game world. But is that my white whale? That pursuit has, at times, led to feature bloat (which is exactly what happened in the subsequent Bonk installment, incidentally).

Just to make sure I wasn't the only one who's influenced by his past, I asked my friends Tim Rogers of Action Button Entertainment and Frank Cifaldi of Gamasutra.com, with whom I record a weekly podcast (which is also called insert credit), to talk a bit about their formative games, and found them similarly branded by past experience.

For Cifaldi, it was The Secret of Monkey Island, which gave him the first glimpse of a full, living interactive game world. This colored his interest in games for years to come; when he was young, he made adventure games in HyperCard, and later, when he was working at GameTap, he made an interactive community adventure game called Captain McGrandpa.

Rogers, meanwhile, thinks Super Mario Bros. 3 is the best game ever made. SMB3 is very much about precision and timing of jumps and reactions, but also about secrets - warps, hidden passageways, and coin boxes in the sky. It's no wonder, then, that the first game he directed (ZiGGURAT for iOS) is a deceptively simple game about timing, precision, and nothing else - aside from the occasional secret.

For your human relationship problems, you can go to a therapist - but they'll just reflect back what you already know. I highly recommend you take a self-analysis approach to your game history. Going back and dissecting those early learnings can help you grow past your earliest ideas of what a game is, or can be, because while most lessons will be good, some will be bad as well.

The musical platformer Sound Shapes is an interesting case study: If you read the postmortem in the December 2012 issue of Game Developer, you'll see that the game's mastermind, Jon Mak, said, "I don't like platformers, or level editors, but in the back of my mind they made sense." He also added, "That was a thing that we learned: We couldn't achieve our design goals with what we would do naturally."

So here is an example of developers playing against their type, and against their early imprint. This worked well, and brought Sound Shapes to critical acclaim, and many IGF nominations. But at the same time, is it any wonder that (sorry, Jon) the game just doesn't feel like a solid platformer? It feels like an interactive music toy where platforming happens to be the mechanic to drive progress. Without the music element, this would not be a loving homage to the platforming genre.

There are lessons in our past for all of us. Try it out on yourself; think about the first game that really grabbed you. Maybe it's the first game that compelled you to keep coming back, aiming for a perfect score; maybe it's the first game that made you feel like games were a living world; maybe it's the first game that let you play against another player.

Revisit these games with new eyes. While playing them, think about the jump distances for platformers, or how you start a drift in a racing game, and how long that drift lasts. Think about the level progression in RPGs, or the score multipliers in a shooter. How has your current work reinforced those old ideas? How have they strayed? Should you be more critical of those old ideas? It's an interesting exercise which can yield some surprising results. Even if you don't come away with something practical, you may have an easier time explaining why you prefer to sink hours into Minecraft over Skyrim - or the reverse.

The kids of today expect autosaving, persistence, checkpoints, and massive interactivity on a Minecraft scale. And they're not wrong to expect it! That's what they grew up with, and that is to some extent the future of entertainment. But when they grow up, what will they expect from games? What will their first love affair teach them to love and hate?

Getting closer to the now, what about kids who grew up with the Nintendo 64? The precise magic of GoldenEye 64 has never been properly revisited. What of a child who grew up with the Dreamcast? Is anyone serving her needs?

I'm not suggesting we need to mine the past and prey on nostalgia. But attempting to serve similar experiences to those people felt in their youth - in new and modern products - can be a valuable goal. Nobody wants to play a new game that's exactly like GoldenEye 64. They want to play a game that feels like how they remember GoldenEye 64 at the time they were playing it. With a little self-analysis, and a careful study of these bygone eras of games, you might just get at that mystical and elusive feeling.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

#1yrago Mother American Night: John Perry Barlow's posthumous memoir

John Perry Barlow lived many lives: small-time Wyoming Republican operative (and regional campaign director for Dick Cheney!), junior lyricist for the Grateful Dead, father-figure to John Kennedy Jr, co-founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, inspirational culture hero for the likes of Aaron Swartz and Ed Snowden (and, not incidentally, me), semi-successful biofuels entrepreneur... He died this year, shortly after completing his memoir Mother American Night, and many commenters have noted that Barlow comes across as a kind of counterculture cyberculture Zelig, present at so many pivotal moments in our culture, and that's true, but that's not what I got from my read of the book -- instead, I came to know someone I counted as a friend much better, and realized that every flaw and very virtue he exhibited in his interpersonal dealings stemmed from the flaws and virtues of his relationship with himself.

The first thing I noticed in reading Mother American Night was Barlow's voice. Literally. I listened to the audiobook, ably read by Ray Porter. When I started listening, I thought, That guy sounds a little like Barlow, but it's not like he's doing impressions or anything.. Ten minutes later, I was like, "Holy shit, the ghost of John Perry Barlow is in my earbuds." It wasn't Porter's voice so much as Barlow's words -- his incredibly gift with language, combined with his habit of manicuring his anaecdotes to a carefully calculated rough-hewn perfection, shining through with unmistakable glory. Barlow is one of the world's great storytellers, and his ability to spin a yarn was one of the secrets of his success, letting him tunnel through his readers' eyeballs and straight into their brains, grabbing them and winning them over to his team, and then to his team's cause.

The second thing I notice about Mother American Night was that Barlow was sure settling a lot of scores in the early chapters. Sure, we were meeting his parents and various Republican operators and the Dead and their retinue and experiencing them in all their variegated virtues and failings, but Barlow also had some sharp knives for those (mostly) long-dead friends and relatives, and he wasn't afraid to slip them in. Barlow's barbs have the air of long-mulled grievances, honed to perfection, waiting for an opportune moment to be unsheathed.

As beautifully turned as his phrases were in these early chapters, as much as he made you feel these half-century-old disappointments and sorrows, they also felt...unworthy. Petty, even.

And then Barlow drops the other shoe: while in one chapter he might be excoriating his father or Bob Weir or Jerry Garcia, a couple chapters later he's revisiting them with enormous affection -- often spilling details that are every bit as intimate and revealing as the dirt he had revealed a few chapters back. He lands these one-two punches with incredible grace and insight, and it changes the whole nature of the enterprise, from a well-told memoir with some bits in dubious taste to a revelation about Barlow's enormous affection for the people in his life -- not despite their myriad failings, but because of them.

Then the other other shoe drops: because Barlow is meting out the same treatment to himself that he's subjecting everyone else in the Barlowsphere to. He's incredibly hard on himself, and also fully aware of his prodigious virtues and accomplishments. His treatment of himself is just as uneven (and sometimes unfair) as his treatment of everyone else is: some sins that shouldn't be readily forgiven are swept under the rug (in himself and others, Barlow is extremely willing to forgive sexual objectification, provided it is carried off with some kind of panache) while other human frailties are held up as examples of moral failings. Barlow's writing in a very brave and very revelatory way here.

Though Barlow dwells on the highs and lows of many famous personages here, the most incredible (literal) bombshells are not celebrity gossip: they're things about Barlow that he never revealed to a soul -- for example, that he once planned and nearly executed a suicide bomb attack on Harvard Square with the intention of awakening people to a kind of unnameable dread that he believes was the motivation for Charles Manson (even more incredibly, he says that the administration at Wesleyan -- who headed him off before he could blow himself up and commit mass murder -- hushed up the whole incident, stuck him in an institution on thorazine for a couple of weeks, then let him finish the school year with no further incident).

Other reviewers have discussed the details of Barlow's memoir-- the tragic loss of his true love, a woman who died of an unsuspected genetic disorder during a transcontinental flight, his brief dalliance with Anita Hill, and more. I found these stories fascinating; I had been on the periphery of many of them, encountering Barlow in various locales around the world and getting fragmentary versions of the story (we once slowly traversed the width of Black Rock City while he explained his intention to start a second family with a young woman he planned to marry) -- getting the polished, final versions, with the punchlines that hadn't happened yet, made the whole Barlow situation a lot more linear and causal.

But for all that this is an essential, beautifully written book that is full of humor and tragedy and revelation, it's not perfect. As it reaches its final act -- everything from the founding of EFF onward -- it takes on a rushed aspect. Barlow was dying by then, and may have known that he was running out of time, or it may just be that the earlier material had been polished by many repetitions by one of the world's great raconteurs. I would have liked to hear as much about Ed Snowden as I did about despicable roadies for the Grateful Dead, and if Barlow were alive today and I was his editor, I'd tell him to add 25% to this book by fleshing out the last 25% of his life.

But Barlow's dead, and hardly a day goes by that I don't think of him. Listening to this audiobook made me feel like I was walking the playa with him again, spinning out stories, debating, laughing, catching him defaulting to gnomic utterances when he started losing an argument and calling him on it, to his enormous delight... I miss him very much, and I'm so glad that he left us this book; it makes me sad to learn that he was as hard on himself as he was, and also happy to know that in his clearer moments, he knew just how much he meant to all of his friends.

Mother American Night: My Life in Crazy Times Hardcover [John Perry Barlow and Robert Greenfield/Crown]

https://boingboing.net/2018/06/21/grateful-dead.html

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12 Great Jazz Piano Songs That Are Easy to Learn

Jazz piano songs are smooth and soulful pieces of music. But that's no reason to be intimidated by the genre. Here are some easy and beautiful jazz songs you can learn on the piano.

Are you new to piano but are beyond the beginner stages?

You're probably interested in learning advanced songs. If you're a fan of jazz sheet music, you may think learning jazz piano songs is difficult. But there are great jazz piano songs for all piano players to learn.

There are certain jazz songs that are easy piano play and are remembered by everyone. You can easily jam them yourself and team up with other musicians to play them. And of course, these songs are extremely fun to play.

Whether you're taking jazz piano lessons or are self-taught, here are the 12 jazz piano songs you should learn now. These songs will improve your piano playing skills while you learn your favorite jazz songs, watch a few of the piano tutorial videos to help you out a bit.

1. Snow White - "Someday My Prince Will Come"

You probably know this song from the Disney movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. But this song was reinvented in jazz form by many jazz musicians.

You can easily take the vocal leads and convert them to the piano, such as what Chick Corea did.

The striking feature of this song is the melody. But hearing the Disney version, you can tell the varying notes isn't an easy song to sing. Therefore, it's quite difficult to play on the piano.

The lead melodies captivate anyone who hears this song. But unlike the Disney song, the jazz piano version gives this song more complexity. This makes this song fun but challenging.

2. Ella Fitzgerald - "All the Things You Are"

If you're unsure where to start with jazz piano, always start with the classics. "All the Things You Are" is a perfect starting piece. Dating back to 1939, this song was played by Jerome Kern.

This song is the epitome of classic jazz composition. Chord progressions and other dynamic changes make this song challenging. But everything flows so naturally, so it's complex yet beautiful.

Most beginners find the intro difficult. But once you get past the challenging beginning, you get a better feel for the song. After you practice this song, the chord changes and other dynamics make more sense.

3. Herbie Hancock - "Dolphin Dance"

You can't say "jazz piano legends" without mentioning Herbie Hancock. This is why his tune "Dolphin Dance" is on this list. Hancock is an influential pianist for his complex but individualistic writing style.

This song goes through a variety of chord changes but always manages to keep its melody. You're completely hooked throughout the song because it's unpredictable. There are also many intricate parts and parts that slow down.

Practicing this song not only enhances your piano playing skills but also improves your songwriting.

4. Bill Evans - "Waltz for Debbie"

"Waltz for Debbie" is one of the most beautiful jazz piano pieces in history.

Performed by Bill Evans, this song is a classic. This song is perfect for a beginner and is constantly revisited by expert pianists.

This song doesn't do anything too complex but the song is enjoyable enough to play. The secret is the tune. The tune is so strong that it sticks with you. This makes this song easy to get stuck in your head so you'll recognize each note.

Last but not least, this song is still fresh today. This is why Evans was such a notable pianist for his time. This song is an example of modern jazz.

5. Thelonious Monk - "Round Midnight"

Thelonious Monk is one of the most influential jazz pianists and composers.

"Round Midnight" is one of his most well-known songs. This song has been covered by just about every great jazz pianist. And it's a perfect song to learn on piano.

"Round Midnight" isn't as complex as other jazz piano songs. It has a strong melody that you can easily follow. This song is very calm but has enough complexities to challenge a beginner piano player.

From the beginning to the end of the song, "Round Midnight" follows a distinctive but infectious tune. After playing this song, you can understand how Monk has influenced many pianists.

6. Red Garland - "On a Clear Day"

This song is recommended for beginner jazz pianists because it isn't your traditional jazz song. There's a lot of swing influence that makes this song a lot of fun to play. The swing influence gives this classic tune a fun and upbeat vibe.

Legendary jazz pianist Red Garland performs this song and is a timeless tune.

The groove of the rhythm section and the fun piano melodies makes this song intoxicating.

This song is relatively simple to play but is fun enough for advanced jazz pianists.

This song is easy to learn for beginners but is challenging enough to improve their skill.

7. Ray Brown Trio - "Sweet Georgia Brown"

Back in 1925, Ray Brown Trio performed "Sweet Georgia Brown" with Gene Harris on piano. This song gives jazz its classic sound but makes the genre more fun.

Even with a dominating rhythm section, Harris' piano melodies stand out. This song is completely upbeat but still relaxing. It's an easy song to play but it's easy to get sucked into the song as you play.

The piano parts are polished and you'll feel great as you learn to play this song.

In this song, Harris uses piano styles from swing, gospel and blues to create a unique feeling. This makes "Sweet Georgia Brown" one of the most unique songs in jazz. If you want to excel as a jazz pianist, this song is a must.

8. Duke Ellington - "Take the "A" Train"

The famous jazz standard "Take the "A" Train" was written by Billy Strayhorn, and was performed by Duke Ellington, who regularly performed it with his orchestra.

This song was also recorded by countless other artists, including Ella Fitzgerald. The song is about the new subway in New York in the 1930s!

9. Dave Brubeck - "Take Five"

This song was composed by Paul Desmond for the Dave Brubeck Quartet during 1959, in which he uses saxophone. Two years later it became a surprise hit and the biggest-selling jazz single ever.

The quartet recorded the tune in two takes, and when it was done, Paul Desmond thought the song was a throwaway — so much so that he once joked about using his entire share of royalties from the song to buy a new electric shaver. The title "Take Five" was Brubeck's idea which became the A side of a 45 record.

10. Erroll Garner - "Misty"

The pianist and composer who came to fame during what is often called the swing era of Jazz in the 1940s was Erroll Garner with his style of piano playing encapsulated the stride technique of earlier pianists but it was Garner’s abundant virtuosity and lyrical fluency that characterized his performances.

Misty is a jazz standard written in 1954 by pianist Erroll Garner. He composed it as an instrumental on the traditional 32-bar format and recorded it for the album Contrasts (1955).

11. Duke Ellington - "Satin Doll"

This song was also written by  Duke Ellington last 1953.  Its chord progression is well known for its unusual use of chords and opening with a ii-V-I turnaround.

Duke Ellington used "Satin Doll" as the closing number in most of his concerts. Wherein it makes as a modest hit, entering the pop charts in June and rising to number twenty-seven.

12. Joseph Kosma - "Autumn Leaves"

This is a 1945 popular song and jazz standard composed by Joseph Kosma with original lyrics by Jacques Prévert in French, and later by Johnny Mercer in English.

This song was listed as a number 1 best-seller in the US Billboard charts of 1955 by an instrumental version of the pianist Roger Williams.

Time to Learn These Jazz Piano Songs

If you want a unique challenge to your piano playing abilities, learning jazz piano is an enjoyable way to improve your piano skills. If you're unsure which songs you should learn, these jazz songs are perfect for any piano player to learn. Jazz piano makes ample use of improvisation, polyrhythms, syncopation and swung note, as well as aspects of European harmony, American popular music, the brass band tradition, and African musical elements such as blue notes and ragtime.

These songs are all fun to play but offer unique challenges. They're well-rounded and can help you improve on many areas of piano playing. From complex chord progressions to simple melodies, all of these songs are different but amazing.

Do you need piano lessons? Take a look at our piano lessons.

More Jazz Piano Songs

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