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mrfunnybonearchives · 8 years ago

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A drabble companion piece to this wonderful artwork for the equally wonderful @maximum-overboner . We heard about your recent trials in life, so hopefully, these little gifts can put on a smile on your sweet face!

Papyrus stared at his computer screen, fingers hovered over the keyboard, trembling just slightly in hesitation. This was it. The big moment. He had wanted to be a real writer, to make an impact, to have fans. He had them now, and one of them—his biggest fan—needed him. Needed his stories! His fantastical tales of pleasure and brilliant escapism! After all this fan had done for him, he couldn’t let them down. He just couldn’t!

There was only one thing to do.

He had to write them a saucy fiction of their own.

With a deep breath (because all REAL writers took deep, dramatic breaths before every masterpiece), Papyrus adjusted the hip beanie on his skull, and got to work.

‘IT WAS AN AVERAGE DAY IN THE CITY OF COCKSWORTH.’

Oh. Maybe average was the wrong word. Good things weren’t average. They were great! Like Papyrus! He quickly typed away to correct the error.

BUT NOT IN THE BORING WAY! IN THE “THINGS ARE REALLY NICE BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE HANDSOME AND FAMOUS DR.PEPYRUS” KIND OF WAY! AFTER ALL, HE WAS VERY SENSUAL AND BRILLIANT AND SAVED AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE A DAY WITH HIS FANTASTIC ABILITY TO MAKE SEX. 10 ON SATURDAYS! WOWIE!’

That was a pretty impressive number, he thought. People could have sex that many times a day, right? Oh well, he’d look all of that up later.

‘HE COULD TAKE ON ANY CASE! BIG BOOBIES, SMALL BOOBIES, BOUNCY BUMS OR EVEN REALLY BIG MUSCLES! EVERYONE AGREED THAT THE GREAT DR.PEPYRUS COULD CURE ANYONE. ANYONE, EXCEPT...HER.’

This, this was good. He was building suspense. Surely, his readers would be leaning in right about now, holding their breath in anticipation! Papyrus really had become a great classic novelist! Someone they would probably teach his books in classes. Adult classes. Filled with beautiful, sexy people who would find his book equally beautiful and sexy.

‘YES. HER. THE BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED...OVERBONER!’

His fan had a weird pen-name, but it would have to do, for the sake of the story.

‘SHE WAS TOO FANTASTIC FOR ANY ONE MAN TO CONTAIN. MANY HAD TRIED AND FAILED IN THE PRESENCE OF SUCH MAGNIFICENCE! IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO RESIST HER VOLUPTUOUS CURVES AND LIMPID POOLS OF’—

Papyrus paused. He didn’t actually know what his fan looked like, which was a challenge. But one he was willing to face! He would just have to improvise, that was all.

—’COLORED EYES. ALLURINGLY COLORED EYES, IN FACT, AND HER SWEET SUGARED LIPS, WHICH WERE SWEET BECAUSE SHE HAD JUST EATEN A DONUT AND GOT SUGAR ON THEM, HENCE THE PHRASE. AND HER HARI! HER HAIR FELL DOWN IN CASCADING WAVES, BUT NOT NECESSARILY LONG WAVES, THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SHORT WAVES, TOO. REGARDLESS, THEY CASCADED, AND GLISTENED ALL SHINY LIKE HUMAN HAIR DID IN THOSE FANCY SHAMPOO COMMERCIALS.’

Yes, that would be fantastic imagery! The thought of his fan in the shower, however, made Papyrus a bit nervous. In a nice way. He took a sip of his organic environmentally-responsible coffee (because real writers also always drank coffee) to calm his nerves. He had to focus, after all! Even if the idea of water droplets dripping down his fans back, her eyes closed in a serene expression while the shower drizzled over her soft, pretty body, was a very, VERY nice thought—

No! He had to focus! He had a job to do!

‘DR.PEPYRUS KNEW THAT SHE WOULDN’T BE JUST LIKE ANY OTHER PATIENT, OH NO! SHE WAS SPECIAL, AND SO WOULD NEED SPECIAL, PENIS VARIETY TREATMENT! HE DECIDED THAT HE COULDN’T JUST SHOW UP IN HIS REGULAR LAB COAT FOR THEIR APPOINTMENT. HE HAD TO WEAR SOMETHING DASHING! DARING! SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE HER REALIZE THAT HE WAS ALSO AS GREAT AS HER AND THAT THEY COULD HAVE REALLY, REALLY GREAT SEX TO FIX EVERYTHING THAT WAS WRONG!’

‘HE KNEW EXACTLY WHICH OUTFIT TO CHOOSE: A SHORT AND TIGHT BLACK DRESS, FISH NET STOCKINGS (VERY SEXY!), HIGH-HEELS THAT WERE VERY FLATTERING FOR HIS LEGS AND, OF COURSE, HIS LAB COAT! BECAUSE EVERY HANDSOME AND SENSUAL DOCTORS WORE THEIR LAB COATS! IT WAS A SAFETY PRECAUTION AFTER ALL. AND DR.PEPYRUS WAS ALWAYS VERY SAFE AND FOLLOWED THE RULES! UNLIKE HIS LAZY BROTHER.’

Uh oh. Papyrus couldn’t remember if he’d ever mentioned Dr.Pepyrus having a brother. Maybe that was something that could be explored more in another sequel, but for now, he wanted to make sure the story stayed on track.

‘BUT WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM. WE’RE TALKING ABOUT OVERBONER AND DR.PEPYRUS. GETTING BACK TO THEM, WHEN THE TALL, DEVIOUSLY GOOD LOOKING SKELETON DOCTOR WALKED INTO THE ROOM, HIS JAW DROPPED! METAPHORICALLY OF COURSE. IT COULDN’T ACTUALLY UNHINGE, BECAUSE THAT WASN’T VERY SEXY. UNLESS IT IS, IN WHICH CASE, HE CAN! BUT HE DIDN’T HERE.’

‘ANYWAY, IT DROPPED BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN DR.PEPYRUS’S LIFE...HE WAS IN LOVE!’

Wowie! What a plot twist! To think, his character, the carefully developed Dr.Pepyrus, had found his true love! Papyrus was almost moved to sentimental tears.

‘YES! IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT! AS SOON AS OVERBONER SAW HIM IN HIS VERY FLATTERING DRESS AND HEELS, SHE HAD TO HAVE HIM RIGHT AWAY! IT WAS THE SAME FOR DR.PEPYRUS, IT FELT LIKE A BIG HOLE HAD BEEN FILLED INSIDE HIS CHEST, LIKE HOW A PENIS WOULD FILL A VAGINA, AND THAT IT WOULD POP OPEN FROM BEING SO FULL! ‘SHE GIGGLED. IT WAS THE SOUND OF ANGELS PLAYING TINY INSTRUMENTS, BECAUSE THE ANGELS WERE TINY TOO, AND CHUBBY, WITH LITTLE HEART ARROWS ON THEIR BACK LIKE THE HUMANS DRAW ON VALENTINES DAY. DR.PEPYRUS DIDN’T WASTE ANY TIME. IT WAS HARD TO GET ON ONE KNEE IN HEELS SO HE LIFTED HIS LEG INSTEAD, PUSHING HIS DRESS UP IN A VERY CLASSY BUT APPEALING MANNER.’

“OVERBONER!” HE GASPED! “I’VE NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE YOU BEFORE! AND I’VE MET LOTS OF HUMANS! I NEVER WANT TO BE WITHOUT YOU EVER AGAIN. WILL YOU MARRY ME?’

“BUT YOU’RE A SKELETON!” OVERBONER GASPED TOO, BUT MORE DAINTILY. “THE LAW FORBADES US TO MARRY!”

Oh, this was so tragic! These two characters obviously loved each other and had fantastic chemistry, but social constraints would forever try to keep them apart. Papyrus could no longer stop the tears from welling up in his sockets. He wiped them with a fancy handkerchief he kept for these precise moments. This had to be his best work yet! It would probably get made into a movie, and win lots of Oscars. Maybe he’d become a movie star after this, and he could be both a talented writer AND actor. A double whammy!

“I DON’T GIVE A HECK ABOUT THE LAW! WE’LL RUN AWAY AND GET MARRIED...TO PLUTO!”

OVERBONER GASPED; AGAIN! “THE PLANET?”

“I DON’T KNOW, THERE’S STILL SOME DEBATE OVER THAT, BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER WHEN YOU’RE MY WHOLE WORLD ANYWAY!”

THAT WAS A VERY SMOOTH LINE, AND OVERBONER WAS INSTANTLY SWOONED! SHE HAD TO FAN HERSELF, BECAUSE THE DR.PEPYRUS WAS SIMPLY TOO HOT!

“OH, DR.PEPYRUS! YOU’RE SIMPLY TOO HOT!”

SEE?

“I WOULD LOVE TO MARRY YOU, BUT YOU SEE...I CAN’T.”

Papyrus took a deep breath, relishing this moment. This would be it, this would be the scene that his fans talked about for years to come. What drama! What a twist! How on earth could she say no to the Great Dr.Pepyrus?

His readers would be sitting on the edge of their seat! He would get letters covered in adoration scented tears of how moved and emotional his writing had made them! That poor Steven guy wasn’t going to be such a popular writer after this. Maybe Papyrus should send him some flowers to make amends.

“BUT OVERBONER, MY LOVE! WHY NOT?” DR.PEPYRUS LOOKED VERY HURT. UNDERSTANDABLY HURT. YOU DO NOT TURN DOWN THE SKELETON! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

OVERBONER LOOKED AWAY IN DRAMATIC SHAME. “THE TRUTH IS...I’M A VIRIGN! AND IN THE CITY OF COCKSWORTH, IT’S AGAINST THE LAW FOR A VIRGIN TO GET MARRIED!”

IT WAS TRUE. DR.PEPYRUS HAS FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT. ONLY BECAUSE HE HAD A LOT OF OTHER THINGS ON HIS PLATE, OF COURSE, HE DIDN’T NORMALLY FORGET THINGS. HE WAS VERY INTELLIGENT. VERY DOCTOR-Y.

AND AS A DOCTOR, HE KNEW JUST WHAT TO DO!

“NEVER FEAR, MY DEAR!” DR.PEPYRUS THREW OVERBONER ONTO THE LUXURIOUS ROMANTIC BED THAT WAS FOR SOME REASON IN THE EXAM ROOM, AND SMILED IN A WAY THAT MADE OVERBONER WEAK IN THE KNEES. WHICH WAS OK, BECAUSE SHE WAS LAYING DOWN AT THIS POINT, ANYWAY.

“FOR YOU SEE, I HAVE A PHD IN VIRGINS! I’LL CURE YOU, AND THEN WE’LL GET MARRIED, AND HAVE MORE SEX AFTER THAT! DO YOU WANT KIDS? HOW MANY? WE MIGHT HAVE TO ADOPT. NEVERMIND, WE’LL TALK ABOUT THAT LATER!”

“OH, YES!” OVERBONER CRIED, SPREADING HER LEGS AND THROWING HER ARMS AROUND THE STRONG SHOULDERS OF DR.PEPYRUS. “KISS ME NOW! THEN TAKE ME TO YOUR ISLAND OASIS OF PLEASURE!”

“OK!”

AND SO, THEY’

“heh. phd. good one, paps.”

Papyrus jumped, startled by his brothers’ sudden appearance, and tried to push the shorter skeleton away. “SANS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO READ OVER MY SHOULDER ANYMORE! THIS IS FOR A FAN, DON’T LOOK!”

Sans, to his credit, did little to actually move.

“aw, s’nice of ya. how does it end?”

“I CAN’T TELL YOU THAT! IT WOULD RUIN THE SURPRISE!”

A shrug, and Sans leaned against the desk, making himself comfortable. “fair enough. guess i can read it for myself.”

“NO! ARGH.” Papyrus huffed and folded his arms. He considered his options, and supposed that, if it was JUST Sans, he would spoil the ending a bit. Just to get him to leave. “FINE, FINE, I’LL TELL YOU! THEY HAVE A PASSIONATE NIGHT OF...UH...PASSION, AND THEN GET MARRIED THE NEXT MORNING IN A ROSE GARDEN. SHE WEARS A REALLY PRETTY DRESS!! AND SO DOES THE GREAT DR.PEPYRUS!! BECAUSE HE DESVERES TO LOOK VERY PRETTY, TOO. THEY STAY HAPPILY MARRIED FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES AND HAVE TWO CHILDREN, ONE WHO’S NAMED DR.PEPYRUS JR!”

“cute.” Sans nodded, his grin stretching along the edges in amusement. He jutted a thumb towards the computer screen. “what about the other kid? what’s their name?”

“...SAMS.”

There was a pause. The moment stretched between them, Sans staring with an infuriatingly casual expression, and for a moment Papyrus was tempted to take the name back. Had it been weird to name a character somewhat after his own brother? He squirmed a little in his seat. It wasn’t supposed to be weird! It just felt right! A Papyrus always needed a Sans, and so Dr.Pepyrus Jr needed a Sams!

Oh! Maybe it was because Sams wasn’t a Doctor, too. That could be fixed. Maybe he could be the nurse! Papyrus opened his mouth to let his brother know he would rectify the mistake, but Sans began to chuckling before he ever had the chance.

“that’s, uh...heh, paps, that’s a real nice choice. dr.pepyrus jr and sams, eh? bet they’ll take that city by storm.”

“THEY WILL!” Papyrus beamed, bouncing just a little. “THEY’LL HAVE ALL SORTS OF ADVENTURES! THEY’LL WORK TOGETHER, AND BUILD SNOWMEN—”

“and misspell the sign on a librarby?”

“THAT WAS ONE TIME SANS!”

Another chuckle. Sans gave his brothers shoulders a little pat. “it’ll be great. sure she’ll love it.”

“OF COURSE SHE WILL! IT’S FROM ME, AFTER ALL!”

And with that, Papyrus went back to work.

#drabble #gift #fanfiction of a fanfiction #wild ;)#maximum-overboner

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