#max: no ur an asshole and here's why u suck

[astrobei]

mike and goodbye my danish sweetheart mayhaps? 👁👁

yvie ur beautiful beautiful mind! u are so sick for this! *opens google docs*

Mike can’t pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but there was an undeniable shift— a split-second divergence during the summer of 1985 where everything changed for the worse.

Or, actually, he supposed he does know the exact moment it happened. It wasn’t even the whole awful business with Starcourt Mall that started it all, even though that was fresh enough in everyone’s minds for his mom to have put him in lockdown, effective the second the paramedics had looked him over and declared him free of everything except some cuts and some bruising and maybe a minor concussion. And sure, that sucked, but that left Mike confined to the four walls and basement of his house for at least the foreseeable future, which was maybe even worse.

Okay, not actually worse, because Mike considered himself to err a bit on the dramatic side, but Max had just watched her asshole stepbrother die in her arms, and Mike was dramatic but not totally off-the-rails insensitive, okay? And it was two weeks after the Starcourt Mall incident that it happened— him and Will and Lucas and Dustin splayed flat on their backs in the basement, fighting off the cloying summer heat with every portable fan and cold drink they could find in the house.

Mike and Will were lying side by side, their feet propped up onto the front cushions of the sofa, the table and chairs moved out of the way to make room. Mike was holding a cold can of Coke to his forehead, watching the hem of Will’s shorts wrinkle and flatten out as he readjusted his position for the hundredth time in the last fifteen minutes. Will was particularly antsy that day, even more restless and fidgety than normal, always readjusting his legs where they slipped and bumped into Mike’s, tapping his fingers against the floor, playing with the sticky cellophane wrapper of his third popsicle. Mike had just been opening his mouth to ask what was wrong, why Will had been so on edge and nervous all day, when Will blurted it out.

“I’m moving,” he said, staring straight up at the ceiling, unblinking.

Mike frowned, turning his head to the side to look at Will. “What?”

Behind them, out of sight, he heard a rustling noise as Lucas and Dustin also sat up. Will didn’t move.

“I’m moving,” he said again, this time quieter and less urgent, like he’d gotten something out of his system the first time, the nervous, fidgety thing that had been consuming him all day. Will took in a deep breath. “We’re moving,” he added, “all of us. Me and my mom and Jonathan and El— we’re moving to California.”

You could have heard a pin drop with how quiet it fell. Lucas had been talking to Dustin about something, trying out for some sports team— baseball, maybe basketball— but the two of them had gone silent too. Mike’s brain felt like how it did a lot in class, when he’d been too busy slipping notes back and forth to pay attention for ten minutes, and suddenly he was being called on to answer a question up on the board— reeling, processing on ten-times speed trying to catch up. Because Will was—

“California?” Lucas’ mouth had dropped open, eyes wide. “You’re moving to California?”

Will was still staring up at the ceiling. He nodded. “Yeah,” he said, and it came out barely over a whisper. “We leave in October.”

This time, it was Dustin’s turn. “October? But that’s— what about high school?”

Will took in another deep breath. Maybe Mike was imagining it, but it seemed a bit shaky, uncertain. “I’ll be going to high school there,” he said. “And I wasn’t supposed to— I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. My mom didn’t want me to, not until we sold the house and everything, but— I couldn’t not tell you guys.”

“You can’t move!” Lucas was saying. “You’re— you’re Will! We need you here!”

Dustin was saying something too, but Mike was starting to feel like he was listening to the whole conversation from under ten feet of water, their voices strange and distorted, seeing their mouths move with no words to match. Because there was no way Will was— Will couldn’t be—

“Mike?” They were all staring at him, and Mike realized that he hadn’t said anything since Will first said those awful, world-stopping words— I’m moving— and Mike’s entire world had, in fact, come to a screeching, juddering halt.

Dustin was looking at him, eyes wide and pleading, like Mike could somehow talk Will into staying, all on his own, as if this was his decision in the first place. “Aren’t you doing to say anything?”

Mike had nothing to say, and everything at the same time. He wanted to say a lot of things: how the air around him had started to feel frigid and hard to breathe, even at the mere thought of Will not being there anymore. How Will had seemingly existed in parallel to him since the first crystal-clear emergence of his memories from the murky haze of time. How he hadn’t quite processed the whole thing in the first place— I’m moving— and how California was all the way on the opposite side of the country, and couldn’t Joyce Byers move them to Indianapolis? Chicago? Even— even somewhere on the east coast, where Will would be in the same time zone as him and it wouldn’t feel like a piece of him got relocated, half a world away.

Suddenly, the floor of Mike’s basement seemed a lot less solid than before.

“California?” he said at last, his voice cracking on the last syllable, but for once, no one said anything. “You’re really moving?”

Will didn’t meet his eyes. He’d been avoiding Mike for the second half of the summer, saying he was too busy to come over unless the rest of the Party happened to be there. He didn’t want to play D&D with them anymore, either, begging out of Mike’s offers to start a new campaign. And Mike wasn’t an idiot— he knew why Will was avoiding him, knew there was an unspoken line that he’d crossed that night in his garage, knew that that was the sort of damaged trust that couldn’t be mended in a few weeks.

And, for a second, with Will picking determinedly at his fingernails instead of looking Mike in the eye, Mike wondered just how much Will had even protested when Joyce first brought up California.

It didn’t sink in when the For Sale sign went up, and it didn’t sink in when his mom knocked on his door to apologetically tell him the news— as if he didn’t already know— and it didn’t even sink in when the For Sale sign went down and a Sold sign went up, all enthusiastic yellow letters punctuated with an exclamation mark, as if this was something Mike should be happy about.

It didn’t sink in until an unseasonably warm weekend in October, when Mike had walked into the Byers’ house to find the walls stripped bare and Will’s room empty. And seemingly in an instant, all of the memories Mike had made in that twenty foot by twenty foot corner of Hawkins, Indiana came crashing down around him like a wave breaking on jagged rocky shores. Christmases at the Byers’, shared birthday parties and sleepovers, working their way through Will’s music collection, eating pudding on the floor of Will’s room at midnight, giggling hysterically through the chocolate smeared over their chins. All of it coming down, all at once.

El was kissing him, her teddy bear clutched tightly in her hand, and Mike felt sad, of course, but probably not as sad as he should have felt about El— who apparently was his girlfriend again— moving to the other side of the country.

And then Will Byers was putting his D&D set down on the donation bin, and he was looking Mike in the eyes for the first time in months, and something was settling deep into the hollows of Mike’s stomach, half-warm and giddy at Will smiling at him, half-soured with dread, because that’s when the last piece fell into place, and it finally sank in.

Will was leaving. Will was moving to California— forever. Will wasn’t going to come back.

Mike isn’t a total idiot, okay? He knows what this means— the sinking feeling that started overtaking his entire body from the second Will first said it— I’m moving— up until now, when it’s turned into something so all-encompassing that it feels like he’s in a constant state of freefall. That tug at his gut, the swooping sensation of the floor going insubstantial under your feet. Mike isn’t an idiot, and he knows what this means, and he’s trying to do something about it, but the phone line direct to the Byers’ house is busy for the sixth time in half as many days.

It’s only been a couple of weeks without the Byers here, but Mike can feel their absence like it’s a physical thing— a knife lodged firmly between his two smallest, most fragile ribs. He misses Joyce–  her warm smile and the way she would ruffle his hair absentmindedly when she walked by him, just like she did with Will. He misses El, of course, misses her sharp wit and her curiosity and her unyielding compassion for her friends, even if he doesn’t miss the rest of it– the boyfriend-girlfriend stuff, even if her letters come back signed Love, El, and even if looking at them makes something bitter and unpleasant rise up in the back of Mike’s throat. He supposes he even misses Jonathan, kind of, and even if Mike didn’t, Nancy would be missing him enough for both of them.

It’s Will, of course, that he misses the most, which should probably go without saying, but Mike finds himself saying it anyway– turning the words over in his mouth late at night, sleepless hours spent with his walkie turned to a channel he knows he’ll never hear Will on again. I miss Will, he thinks, except that doesn’t even come close to conveying the dense, astringent truth of it. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

And what stings even more is this: that he can’t say with any degree of certainty that Will misses him back. The summer of 1985 will go down in history as the summer Mike Wheeler was a bad friend, which is a truth that haunts him, on those same sleepless nights Mike spends tossing and turning, running his tongue over the jagged edges of the words he can’t even bring himself to say over the phone, on the rare occasion he can catch Will on the other end. Mike Wheeler is a lot of things– a coward, a liar. A fraud. A bad friend. Too late for things that matter.

He can’t blame Will for not wanting to talk to him, either. Maybe Will wants to hold onto the Mike that already exists in his mind– a kinder, more selfless version of him. One that didn’t hurt the people closest to him. One that was braver, one that wouldn’t have driven Will Byers out of his home in the pouring rain, one that wouldn’t have lied to his girlfriend, one that wouldn’t have lied to himself.

Mike dials the number again and waits, but the flutter of excitement in his stomach has long since died. He wonders what it might have been like if he hadn’t been too late. If he’d biked to Will Byers’ house earlier in the summer, like he did that night after their fight, and apologized. Properly and honestly— if he’d sat him down and just been honest. If he’d said sorry earlier, if they hadn’t spent the tentative remnants of summer dancing around one another, time that was already borrowed and running out like the last dregs in an hourglass. If Will hadn’t been too afraid to even look Mike in the eyes until the day he left. If he’d been better. A good friend. If he’d been everything Will used to see in him and nothing like the person holding the phone now. If he’d said something sooner. What would things have been like?

Will had probably been excited to go to California, Mike thinks. He’d probably been excited to start fresh, away from Mike. New friends– better friends. Friends who weren’t Mike. Friends who were anyone but Mike.

The line is busy again. Mike hangs up the phone and takes a deep, steadying breath in. He doesn’t know why he’s so upset. Will’s going to call him back when the phone is free, and they’ll talk.

It’s going to be fine.

[haruhey]

chronological thoughts of twd 11x18

- melissa mcbride intro 🫶🫶🫶

- omg daryl tribute

- also if this is how all the episodes start im gonna start getting annoyed fr fr

- MERCERRERRR AND CAROLLLLLL

- oh my fuck that slash was so scary

- omg daryl looks good with his bangs a lil swoopy

- yeahhh f bomb daryl

- omg carol 🫶

- OH MY GOD THAT MADE ME JUMP SIMPLY A ASTRONOMIC SLAY FROM DARYL DIXON

- carol looking back at pamela pls 😭

- oh but where r u going that knife is so nice bby come back

- ok but i think i would have done the same lance is so pathetic

- oh my god theyre making lance take the fall for sebastian what the fuck

- NOOO CAROL NO R U KIDDING ME

- “anybody else?” stares straight at daryl

- oh my god i knew lance would be a little shit hostage

- he just like me fr 🫶

- KILL HIM MERCER

- KILL HIM KILL HIM

- LANCE PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH

- omg pamela’s fit kinda fire ngl

- why is this scene so charged its making me so uncomfortable

- “friends and allies” pls they look like they wanna die

- omg celebrating corruption and nepotism!!

- EUGENE’S LITTLE RAT TAIL PLSSSSSS

- eugene pls this is so sad i want them to be happy pls

- OMG SHES GONNA KILL HIM IKTR IKTR

- caryl scene caryl scene caryl scene 🤞🤞🤞

- DAMN IT NO CARYL SCENE

- omg i forgot about oceanside

- omg girl talk❣️❣️

- oh

- oh um

- wow uh

- NOOO THEYRE TEARING UP NOT MY BBYGIRLS 😭😭😭

- TAKE HAPPINESS WHEREVER YOU CAN GET IT AND DONT EVER BE SORRY ABOUT IT 😭😭😭

- awww daryl and lydia 🫶🫶🫶

- i love them so much its crazy

- NOOO GRACIE AND AARON PLS SHES SO WORRIED ABOUT HER DAD

- omg denying the grimes legacy (dying)

- omg she really is michonne’s kid

- NOOO AARON CRYING AND LOOKING AT GRACIE PLS LET THEM BE HAPPY

- i love ezekiel so much ❤️

- is ezekiel still in love with carol thats so unfortunate

- AND AMERICA ITSELF?2!-?-?-?

- max should be president instead

- SEBASTIAN SUCKS SO BADDDDDD

- need him to die fr fr fr

- ugh fuck off i hate the miltons they need to die

- BITCH BOY CRYING

- this is giving me flashbacks to when i had to get a ultrasound of my uterus and they told me to drink a litre of water an hour beforehand and i almost pissed myself the second i felt the transducer press against my stomach

- nobody cares negan shut up ur like 67

- ewww they kissed that’s disgusting i do not wanna see that

- HIS VEST OMG

- been through war fr fr

- thats so sexy of him fr

- omg the siblings b scheming

- CARYL SCENES 🫶🫶🫶 OFC HE GOES TO HER FOR HELP 🫶🫶

- carol telling him not to compare himself to rick <3

- love them <3333

- omg r they going to see lance

- OH MY GOD MY PIECE OF SHIT LITTLE MAN❣️❣️

- lmao his dumb hand

- omg lance telling him to use his words

- why is every scene with lance so charged

- why is he soloing his sermon

- look at little coco she looks so cute 😭

- rosita’s shirt looks SO COMFY i need it

- JUDITH PLS

- oh god pls le

- OH MY GOD THEY KILLED THEM PLEASE RESPECT THE WORKERS OH MY GOD THATS SO FUCKED UP

- omg daryl here to pray 4 forgiveness

- yo jc u taking any suggestions

- OH OMG I FORGOT JUDITH

- why is he grunting so hard calm down daryl

- nooo his backstory pls

- no no no please im in too much of a fragile state to handle this

- daryl is literally just trying his best </3

- he needs a hug :(

- HE’S TRYING SO HARD PLEASE 😭😭😭

- every time sebastian comes on screen i throw up a lil

- kill him max kill him kill him

- she has so many hb pencils omg

- oh wait sebastian kinda served (minus the whole him being an asshole thing)

- oh serve max

- CARYL SCENE❣️❣️🫶

- OH MY GOS SHE RECORDED HIM I JUST REALIZED

- eugene’s little stupid cowboy hat 🫶

- um what in the wwe is going on here

- it’s giving woodbury fake walker fighting

- omg sebastian going off script

- OH NO OH NO OMG

- oh slayyyy max slayyyy

- OMG THE LOTTERY LMAOOO

- the shot of sebastian running through the crowd pls thats so funny

- WALKERS R U KIDDING ME

- wow rip to the commonwealth ig forever in out memory

- NO THEY GOT DEPERATED

- NOOOOOO NOOOOO FIND HER DARYL FIND HER

- GET OUT OF THERE JUDITH

- oh they found each other slay

- OHBMY GOD IS HE GONNA THROW MAX TO THAT WALKER

- oh thank god kill him fr fr

- let him die

- OH THANK GOD HE DIED IM SO HAPPY I COULD CRY

- he deserves this fuck him this is so slay of angela kang

- ??? LEAVE THEM ALONE???

- oh this is gonna be a slay season perhaps

- ngl the hand stabbing was kinda hot

- i also wrote about this happening in one of my fics so um am i actually angela kang

- THIS WAS SUCH A SLAY EPISODE FOR MAX FR

- yeah he does deserve a bloody end fuck him

[alicent-hightowers-spouse]

Omg so I know season four was released a while ago but I recently found my reaction notes to the first six episodes. And they’re really funny so I want to share them with you guys lmao.

My notes on Stranger Things

Before I begin:

-Byler no matter what

-Ronance no matter what

-please don’t let any main characters die 😭

-but if someone has to go make it Hopper please

-or at least just please don’t kill Robin or Max or Dustin or Will

-I want an open confession that either Will is gay or that he has a crush on Mike or both

-although I think it would be best if Mike was the one who confessed feelings first

-I already know I’m not prepared for this at all

-Future Cass, how r u feeling?

Edit: I was correct I was not prepared for that at all 😀

Episode One:

-THERES A WARNING IN THE DESCRIPTION?!

-Why is the lab so gay? 💀

-AYYY IS BRENNER VECNA?

-Don’t know who this boy is that BRENNER is manipulating but he has OCD 💀✋🏼

-Love him for that 🤪

-LMAO HE BE TELLING BRENNER THAT HIS DRAWING SUCKS

-I LOVE TEN PLS DONT KILL HIM

-😀

WHAT

-WHAT

-EL?! YOUVE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO BESTIE

-OMG WAIT IS BRENNER NOT A COMPLETELY TERRIBLE PERSON JGJRJRJ

-Ayo just noticed that Mileven and Jancy are together in the intro so they can’t actually be a couple because none of the other names are 😁🥰

-DAMN EL IS WHIPPED

-AYO JOHNATHAN SMOKING POT?!

-SUZIEEEE LOML YSSSSSSSSSSSE

-DUSTIN STOP PEER PRESSURING UR GF 😭

-BOOBIES HAHA

-I too love BOOBIES 💅❤️

-MAX MAX MAX MAX I LOVE U YESSSS

-Robin’s a trumpet player WHAT?!

-THE DUFFERS DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT BAND 🙄

-ROBIN IS A QUEEN AND TRUMPET PLAYERS ARE REDDIT USERS

-Do research next time besties

-AHYY I automatically approve Vickie because she plays clarinet.

-she can do no wrong 💅

-LUCAS?

-I mean get it bestie

-slay

-don’t know who this dude is but can he just shut up for a second he’s so annoying 💀

-WHAT?! DOLL?!

-Why the heck is this girl annoying Will?

-Omg why are these kids making fun of a dead person

-But LIEK Will SLAYYYY

-OMG Max 😭

-Does Chrissy have an ED 😟

-OMG someone save Chrissy

-AYO VECNA LEAVE CHRISSY ALONE

-EDDIE SUS

-NOT TAMMY LMAO

-ERICA YESSS

-WHAT WHAT WHAT JFJRIWJDJJFJDJJD OMG I- CRAZY ENDING

But like also I loved Chrissy why did she have to die 😭

Episode Two:

-I’m not buying it 🙄✋🏼

-Hopper SHOUKD not be alive but whatever

-PLEASE MIKE STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE AND GIVE WILL A HUG 😭

-Joyce is such a girl boss

-But Murray is so smart

-THE GUN TO PUNCH TRANSITION WAS SO CLEAN

-Poor Will 😭

-POOR ELEVEN OMG 😟

-AYO NANCYS HAIRCLIP ITS THE SAME AS THE GIRL THAT DANVED WITH WILL AND ITS FRUITY

-AYO BYLER IS DEF HAPPENONG THERES NO WAY ITS NOT AFTER THAT LMOA

-DAMN EL, but like Angela low key deserved that anyways lmao

-Damn VECNA be killing someone every episode

-AYO DINNER WITH MURRAY DINNER WITH MURRAY I HOPE HE SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT BYLER

-Please they literally just confirmed that Mike isn’t actually in love with El 💀

Episode Three:

-BAHHAHA WHY IS ELEVEN GETTING ARRESTED SO FUNNY TO ME PLEASE

-“experiment sexually”

-IF THIS ISNT A CONFIRMATION I-

-AYO ROBIN AND NANCY ROBIN AND NANCY OMG ITS HAPPENING AHHH

-This is some Saw shit right here 💀

-Lucas is an asshole I can’t believe that he’s ratting on Eddie 😒 and I loved him so much before this too 😞

-I TAKE IT BACK SLAY LUCAS SLAYYY

-NOOO MAXXX

Episode Four:

-BAHAHAH THE FROM

-NO BUT LIKE NAMCY AND ROBIN DO BE SLAYING

-ALSO SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE MAX SHE CANT DIE 😭

-NO BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE LUCAS’ REACTION SO BAD WHEN MAX TELLS HIM SHES DYING

-PLEASE I LOVE MAX

-YESSS ROBIN SLAYYY OMG SHE MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER THJRHT

-Ayo this season is violent and gory

-I hate Hopper but that was a very cool escape

-I swear that was so fruity OMG Byler is happening HDHRJ

-PLEASE NOT HOPPER NARUTO RUNNING

-AYO YURI IM ABOUT TO THROW HANDS HOW DARE HE KINDAP JOYCE AND MURRAY THE GIRLBOSS DUO 😡. when they wake up they’re gonna girlboss him so hard thta VECNA is gonna kill him by throwing the homophobic dog at him

-PLEASE WHY WAS THE BABY ON FIRE SO FUNNY TO ME

-MAX IS GETTING ME IN MY FEELS HELP

-STOP THE WHOLE TIME NDING SCENE I JUST- WOW FHJFJF

Episode Five:

-HELP THE WAY HE FLIPPED THE BED THRJRJR

-Death Note vibes 🤪💀

-No but also why does El dress like a Disney charactor 💀 so many layers

-HUHHHH MY JAW JUST DRIPPED

-nahhh THERES no way this crusty old guy is still kicking

-he probably died just from being knocked to the floor

-nah but I’m shitting bricks here what the duck is going on

-OMG OWENS I TRUSTED U WHYYYYY 😭

-Ok so this is a horrible situation for El BUT THE FACT THAT SHE LITERALLY DREW A PRIDE FLAG IS SNEDING ME 😭✋🏼

-This is making me feel like I’m on drugs for fr

-But this whole seaosn is giving me Hereditary vibes

-OMG WAIT A SECOND NO BECAUSE IM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS GOING EXACTLY HOW I PREDICTED AND ITS SO REAL THEIR ACTUALKT GONNA MAKE BYLER CANON OMG IFHJRJEJEJ

-ALSO I LOVE ARGYLE OMG YRS

-YO HOPPER THATS KINDA FRUITY BESTIE

-NOT THIS EPISODE MAKINB ME FEEL BAD FOR HOPPER

-also now I ship him with Enzo. Oops.

-no but seriously poor Chrissy 😭

-but also not her Mom being a Karen 😒

-PLEASE JOYCE AND MURRAY R BOTH SUCH GIRLBOSSES I LOVE THEM BOTH ONG

-I swear to god if this mother trucker messes with Eddie I’m going to throw hands

-OMG STEVE AND NANCY? STRVE AND NANCY?

-OMG THAT ALSO COULD BE A HUGE BYLER HINT (the Sherlock thing)

-LUMAX SUPEEIORITY LUMAX SUPERIORITY

-Joyce and Murray rlly do be slaying though 💅

-No but like was cutting her hair rlly nessecary 😭✋🏼

Episode Six:

-“Steve takes one for the team.” THE DUCK DOES THAT MRAN?!

-Jason r u stupid or dumb? Did u not hear Eddie screaming?! And you can’t beat the devil lmao 😭✋🏼

-Damn these bitches think they’re Miss Trunchbull or something 🧍‍♀️

-AYO MIKE IS WEARING THR INVERSE OF THE SHIRT FROM THE NOT POSSIBLE SCENE OMG BYLER BYLER BYLER BYLER CONFIRMED??!!!????

-OMG YES SUZIE SLAYYY

-QUEEN BAHVIOR

-THE MORE I WATCH THE MORE GIRLBOSS MURRAY AND JOYC GET

-POWER DUO SLAYY

-EHY DO THE PPL TRUST THE FOOD SO QUICKLY THEY ABOUT TO DIE 💀

-religious ppl r so dumb omg 💀

[theringers]

V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox

The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it

Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc

Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:

Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)

Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that

Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together

Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff

Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)

Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too

Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category

Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster

George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together

Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out

Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high

Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic

Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him

Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy

Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf

Notable alums:

Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)

Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you

Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm

Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history

Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)

Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic

Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu

i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.

LOOK! AT! THIS!

f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon

i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas

to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby

PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)

[ghost-in-the-hella]

19 with Victoria Chase and Chloe?

For whatever reason, I can’t seem to keep chaseprice stories short! Sorry this took so long, but I hope it’s worth it. I also immediately thought chaseprice when I saw that prompt (“According to this survey, most people agree you are, in fact, a gigantic asshole.”), so thanks for being on the same page with me there :) Unbeta’d and virtually unrevised despite how long it took me to write it, so please take it with a grain of salt.

Content warnings for misogynistic insults, underage drinking and drug use, and implied attempted sexual assault. Because teens in Arcadia Bay are awful to each other.

---

Chloe hasn’t seen Rachel since the first hour of the party. She stopped even getting texts from her about twenty minutes ago. She can already feel the familiar shapes of the argument they’re going to have tomorrow morning. Chloe will accuse Rachel of ditching her and ignoring her texts. Depending on how pissed she is, she might trot out the old dead horse about being abandoned by Max and flog that for a bit while Rachel fails to keep from rolling her eyes. Then Rachel will remind her about their agreement, that they’re both free agents and maybe if Chloe acted more like a free agent and less like a cuckolded wife she wouldn’t be so pissy all the time.

It’ll go back and forth for hours with Chloe whining about her abandonment issues and Rachel claiming that Chloe’s suffocating her, and at the end of it nothing will have changed. They’ll kiss and make up like they always do, but as soon as the next Vortex Club event comes around Rachel will insist on dragging Chloe and then she’ll ditch her in a crowd of people she hates and the whole cycle will start over again.

The whole thing is fucking exhausting, and Chloe’s sick of it. 

Not as sick as Victoria Chase is, though; damn. It’s a hell of a sight: the Queen Bitch of Blackwell teetering drunkenly on ill-advised high heels - possibly only still on her feet because of the bodies of people dancing around her - and looking like she’s contemplating puking in her purse. She looks awful. 

It would be more amusing if Rachel were there to make fun of her with Chloe. It would also be more amusing if it weren’t so painfully pathetic. Chloe’s way too sober to enjoy the sordid spectacle. Being the designated driver sucks ass, especially when the literal whole point of these parties is to get wasted. 

Chloe almost jumps out of her skin when her phone suddenly - finally - buzzes in her pocket.

Rachel: U still at the party?

Chloe scowls at her phone.

Chloe: of fucking course i am

Chloe: where else would i be??

Chloe: im ur fucking dd

Rachel: o right! Srry I already caught a ride

“Are you fucking kidding me!?”

Rachel: c u 2morro tho

Rachel: 2 whales date? Not 2 early tho

Rachel: this hangover’s gona be a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch

Rachel: luv u <3 <3 <3 xoxoxo

Rachel: xxx 

Rachel: ;P

Chloe buries her phone in her pocket, fuming. She can actually feel the anger rising off of her skin like steam. Obviously there’s no reason for her to continue being a designated driver if Rachel’s already fucked off with whatever Blackwell jock or cheerleader she’s decided to rail tonight. Chloe’s free to crash on the couch tonight with the rest of the drunk losers. Pass out in the bathtub maybe. There’s tons of booze in the kitchen; she should start there. Stoners are usually in the basement; they shouldn’t be hard to sniff out. Maybe if she’s lucky she’ll find the folks who’re always doing coke in some random bedroom or office and score a noseful. It’s not like she’s got classes in the morning. She can afford to live a little, as long as she’s not actually paying for it.

Chloe starts to push her way through the crowd to the kitchen.

“Watschh where yrr fffuckin goin…” slurs a messy but recognizable voice as a hand grips Chloe’s upper arm.

Jesus Christ, Victoria’s even more wasted than Chloe thought at first glance. Her hand on Chloe’s arm might be the only thing keeping her upright at the moment, which is the only reason why Chloe doesn’t immediately tear herself away. 

“Careful, Vicky; poverty might be contagious.” Chloe attempts to pry Victoria’s fingers from around her arm to no avail.

The idiot jock standing behind Victoria laughs at that, but Victoria just looks confused. And drunk. So very, very drunk.

“Ffffug you, Chhhloe,” Victoria slurs out.

Chloe raises an eyebrow. “Wow, you must be shitfaced. That was practically my real name!” She carefully shoves Victoria back off of her arm as the jock moves to steady Victoria by holding onto her waist.

“C’mon, babe,” he says, leaning close to her ear. He grins at Chloe and winks like he thinks she’s in on some kind of conspiracy with him, which immediately pisses Chloe off. “I’ve got it from here,” he informs her.

Victoria groans something inarticulate and tries to push the jock away, but she ends up just stumbling back into his stupidly broad chest. She really shouldn’t get so drunk and wear such high heels at the same time; clearly, it’s a dangerous combination.

“Dude, I don’t think she wants to go with you,” Chloe says as calmly as she can. She really doesn’t want to get involved. She wants to get drunk and stoned and so blitzed out of her mind that she forgets all about being pissed at Rachel. She doesn’t want to get sucked into whatever drama Victoria’s got brewing tonight. But she also really doesn’t want to watch a drunk girl get mauled by some entitled meathead, even if said drunk girl is a royal pain in her ass. 

“Nah, she’s good. Just needs some fresh air. C’mon, Tori, let’s go for a walk.”

“Don’ ffffuggin call me Tori,” Victoria growls, tugging her arm out of his too-firm grip and nearly falling right off her ridiculous and undoubtedly overpriced heels. “Iss Victoria.”

The creep ignores her and tugs on her arm again, toppling her into his body once more. “It’s cool,” he attempts to assure Chloe. “We’re friends. I’ll get her home safe.”

“She definitely doesn’t want to go with you. Let her go.”

“Dude, be cool! She’s just being a bitch. You know what Tori’s like.” He holds Victoria’s wrists to curtail her squirming.

“Fuggoff!”

Chloe cracks her knuckles loudly enough to get the jock’s attention. “I’ve got better things to do with my left hand tonight than break it on your nose, but if you don’t unhand her in the next five seconds I’ll do it anyway.”

That gives the jock pause, but he doesn’t look like he quite believes her. “You wouldn’t.”

Chloe shrugs. “If you don’t believe me, why don’t you ask Logan why his nose slants to the right? Although he’ll probably lie. Ask his ex-girlfriend; she’ll tell you the truth.”

---

As Chloe guides a stumbling and incessantly bitching Victoria through the dark toward her truck, she silently curses every decision in her life that led her to this moment. It’s actually not that different from drunk-walking Rachel home after a party, except that when Victoria keeps touching her boob it’s probably accidental. Probably.

“Where’ss Nathan?” Victoria whines, head lolling onto Chloe’s shoulder and smearing a healthy quantity of expensive makeup into her favorite Firewalk shirt. Which is fine. Not like Chloe can’t just steal another one next time they have a 2010 tour. Time travel’s a thing, right?

“I have no idea where Prescock is. Surprised he’s not doing shots out of your cleavage.”

Victoria’s trying to text, but she keeps almost dropping her phone. “Where are theese bisches?” Victoria grumbles as her manicured fingers jab and swipe at the screen of her phone with the dexterity of a toddler with two handfuls of butter. “Sposdt to be my frens…” 

Victoria’s entire focus is on her phone when it should really be on walking. Chloe tugs her upright and tries to steer her for the umpteenth time. “Can it wait til we’re in the truck at least?”

Victoria grinds to a halt and finally tears her eyes from her phone. “M’not gedding into that… that…” Victoria flails at Chloe’s truck and nearly falls over. “Deathtrap.”

“You had to get a tetanus shot to live in the dorms, right? You’ll be fine.” Chloe grips Victoria’s elbow with one hand to keep her upright and wrangles the passenger door open with the other. “Go on, get in.”

Victoria glares at Chloe foggily. “Are you khhidnappng me, Price?”

“...That’s a joke, right?”

Victoria whacks Chloe solidly in the sternum with her phone. “B’cause I’ll haf you know, my frens will put your assss in jail like that.” Victoria tries and fails to snap her fingers, then stares at them as if she cannot comprehend why they are not obeying her.

Chloe rubs at her sore sternum in annoyance. “Yeah, well, maybe your ‘frens’ should be the ones getting your drunk ass safely back to the dorms instead of abandoning you and letting random creepers paw at you. Then maybe I could get my drunk on in peace instead of wasting my weekend cleaning your puke out of my truck.”

Chloe’s expecting some pushback. Victoria hasn’t even touched her truck, much less puked in it. What she isn’t expecting is for Victoria to shove her phone in Chloe’s face. “You texx thm.” Victoria reaches for the door handle, yanks the door open, and unsteadily clambers into Chloe’s truck.

“Ow, what the fuck! You want me to text your friends?”

“Tell’m yer kidnappin me.”

“Uh, okay, no, I’m not doing that. But I can text your friends if there’s someone you’d rather get a ride with.”

Chloe carefully shuts Victoria’s door and walks around her truck to the driver’s side, thumbing through Victoria’s message history. She tries Nathan first, even though she can see that Victoria’s last ten messages to him have gone unanswered.

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Nathan: whothFUCKisthis

Victoria: a good samaritan. seriously tho your friend is halfway to passed out, can you help?

Nathan: fuckoffBITCH

Victoria: god why does victoria even like you?

She tries Courtney next.

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Courtney: I don’t know, can Victoria not call my boyfriend a MAN WHORE?

“We’re 0 for 2, Victoria. What’s the name of that blonde girl you’re always hanging around with?”

“Sweetie…”

“Um, what?”

“Goddddd you’re fuckn incomph-- incump-- incompetant. Sweet. T.”

“I have no idea what you’re-- Oh.” Jesus, the girl is literally in Victoria’s phone as Sweet-T. Gaaaaaaayyyy. 

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Sweet-T: Victoria? Victoria Chase?

Sweet-T: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Sweet-T: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sweet-T: Tell that bitch good luck. 

Sweet-T: Actually wait don’t.

Sweet-T: Tell her to choke.

Sweet-T: Btw Taylor lost her phone.

“Uhh, looks like ‘Sweet-T’ lost her phone. And it’s fallen into the hands of someone who completely hates your pretentious ass; no big surprise there.”

Chloe starts texting Victoria’s contacts at random as Victoria sulks. Most people don’t even respond. The responses she does get are… not encouraging.

Zach: sup biiiiiiiiiiitttcccccccchhhhhh yeah i’ll give vicky a ride ON MY DICK

Hayden: new fone who dis

Brooke: Who is this and how did you get my number? Don’t ever text me again.

Dana: I gott a ride w Jules srry

Juliet: Already back at the dorms. Good luck I guess. 

Logan: fukk that bisch wut

“Well, Victoria, looks like none of your friends are coming to help. So you can either let me give you a ride back to campus, or you can pass out on a couch inside and hope for the best.”

“What th hell djou say to them??”

“Just that you needed a safe ride to the dorms. That’s all.”

“Bullsshhhitt. You pissed them off.”

Chloe laughs out loud at that. “I pissed them off?? You pissed them off by being a gigantic asshole!”

“M’ noddan asshole.”

“Oh, no? Well…” Chloe holds up Victoria’s phone and waves it in front of her face. “According to this survey, most people agree you are, in fact, a gigantic asshole.”

Which is how Chloe ends up comforting a sobbing Victoria Chase in a stranger’s driveway and wishing she’d never been born.

---

Chloe: dude. Srsly. Fuck u for abandoning me at that fucking vc party.

Rachel: chloe?

Rachel: wat timesit?

Rachel: w happnd?

Chloe: its 3am

Chloe: and victoria FUCKING chase is passed out on me

Rachel: ur joking

Rachel: omg

Rachel: pls take a pic

Chloe: this isnt funny rach

Rachel: it’s fucking hilarious!

Chloe: its SAD.

Rachel: Wait so

Rachel: did you fuck her?

Chloe: WHAT????

Chloe: NO!!!!!

Rachel: Oh good bc I don’t think there’s enough bleach in the world to clean your soul after fucking victoria chase

Chloe: she’s drunk AF

Chloe: her friends ditched her 

Chloe: and i kinda called her an asshole

Chloe: so she cried on my shoulder until she passed out

Chloe: and now i’m trapped

Rachel: Poor baby.

Rachel: Chew your arm off?

Chloe: not funny.

Rachel: Again, totally funny.

Chloe: Srsly tho, what should i do???

Rachel: idk

Rachel: sneak out?

Chloe: we’re in my truck

Rachel: hahahahahahahaha

Rachel: of course you are

Rachel: so wake her bitch ass up!

---

Victoria Chase snores. Nothing in the world could have prepared Chloe for that knowledge. She also drools, which is unfortunate for the state of Chloe’s jacket. Not that it’s the cleanest thing in the world anyway, but still. It’s the principle of the thing.

Victoria’s normally immaculate hair is in a state of total chaotic disarray. At least half of her makeup is gone, and what remains is smeared artlessly all over her face. She smells like a brewery. Chloe’s arm has fallen asleep under the weight of her head. Chloe envies it. The sweet release of sleep would be infinitely preferable to the intense awkwardness of being conscious right now.

The moonlight paints Victoria’s face in delicate shades of pale, highlighting the refined angles of her cheekbone, her jawline, her nose. She’s snoring and drooling and messy and the most utterly awful person; it shouldn’t be possible for her to be beautiful in this moment.

And yet. And yet.

Chloe should shove her awake. She should push Victoria off her shoulder, buckle up both of their seatbelts, and deposit her safely back at the dorms (because even though Victoria’s an objectively horrible person, that doesn’t mean that Chloe is). Chloe should abandon ship, let Victoria sleep it off in the front of her truck while Chloe returns to the party and drinks until she can’t remember what Victoria looks like in the moonlight. Maybe if she drinks enough, by the time she’s sober enough to drive Victoria will have sobered up and found her own way home.

Victoria makes a sleepy sort of grumbling sound and shifts against Chloe’s shoulder, draping an arm over Chloe’s middle and snuggling close. Her hair tickles Chloe’s neck and jaw as it sticks out at peculiar angles, and Chloe wants to laugh or possibly die. There’s really nowhere else for Chloe’s arm to go, so it ends up wrapped around Victoria. Victoria lets out a sound that’s disturbingly close to a contented sigh.

“Hey... Vic?”

“Mphgmhm?”

“Um… Are you aware that you’re cuddling me like I’m your long-lost childhood teddy bear?”

“Grhmphgm.”

“Uh. ‘Kay. Long as you know.”

“Mphkm.” Victoria nuzzles into Chloe’s shoulder, squeezing her tighter. Chloe awkwardly pats her side and Victoria sighs again.

“Hey, uh… I’m sorry about what I said before. I mean, not about you being an asshole, ‘cause I’m not gonna lie. But about your friends. I’m… sure your friends do like you, really.”

Victoria shrugs a little, frowning delicately. “Dsnmttr. Sleeb.”

Sleep. Okay. That’s theoretically possible. Chloe’s slept in more uncomfortable positions in this very truck, after all. So she closes her eyes and rests her head against the back of her seat, and she listens to the steady rhythm of Victoria’s breathing until the world begins to fade into a comforting void.

Shit’s going to be awkward in the morning. But, well. That can wait until the morning.

[bamfcoyotetango]

Number 7, Chaleigh please. 😁

Oh gosh, this is so very late but the Muses ate the prompt and gave me this .

7. Fake Relationship AU

Hand In My Hand

Raleigh's in the middle of setting up the music for the piano when Hansen, their bartender for the night, cleared his throat behind Raleigh.

"You need help cutting the citrus?" He asked sympathetically.

All the bartenders hate citrus and Raleigh's pretty good with a knife.

The only problem was that Hansen didn't ask for help.

Like... Ever.

"Yeah, actually. I, err, I've been meanin' t' talk with you." Hansen relented, his broad shoulders slumping in a show of emotion Raleigh didn't expect.

"Oh?" Raleigh arranged the music and left the wide performance platform, careful to step over the wires the sound crew hid under the rich red carpet. "Any reason in particular?"

The other man handed over a knife, a cutting board and a bag of mixed citrus. "Look, I know I'm not... the most social."

Raleigh snorted at that, "No shit."

"Oi, fuck off yeah? I'm trying here." Hansen growled defensively before he sighed. "I've got a problem."

"... And you think I can fix it?" He countered dryly as he sliced the fruits into multi-colored discs. "I  know I'm the bar's handyman and all but uh, I normally don't fix people as a rule."

"Yes." The blunt honesty has Raleigh setting down his knife and turning to face Hansen. "Look, you're pretty enough that my Dad might be fooled inta thinkin' we're datin', alright? He knows I don't swing too often the other way and Mako's like my sister so I can't ask her an' the rest of the bartenders-"

Raleigh held up a hand and mulled it over, parsing out the basics of it in under two minutes. It wasn't exactly a secret that Raleigh appreciated multiple types of people. Hansen might've been a surly jerk but damn if he didn't fill out his bar polo shirt nicely. "You want me to date you... because your Dad is a hard ass?"

"Look, he's coming to visit in a few months an' he keeps a hairy eyeball on my social media, yeah? He knows when I'm not datin' and he gets all sad an' mopey like he didn't do a job 'n a half raising me. My old man wants to see me happy. So... are you in or what?" Hansen grumbled even as he rubbed at his nose.

Raleigh thought of his Maman, in remission, being overjoyed that her middle child finally found someone.

"I'll make you a deal," He allowed carefully, "if this is for your Dad, then it's also gotta be for my Maman. She's in remission and now she's tryin' to meddle in my love-life. You break her heart and I'll break your face. I'll pretend to date your ass for her sake if nothing else."

"What about...?"

Raleigh gritted his teeth and sucked in a calming breath. "Let's just say he's a bastard."

"... Oh. I guess we need to outline what's not okay to touch as a topic." Hansen pointed out.

"Yeah, might be a good idea." He admitted.

"For starters, don't ask about Mum and I won't ask about the rat bastard."

"Got it."

"By the way... M' name's Chuck." Chuck held out his hand and Raleigh shook it.

"Raleigh."

Chuck, for all of his asshole tendencies, was pretty decent with the whole dating thing.

Once Raleigh got past the scowl and the snark and the Alaskan-sized chip on his shoulder, that is.

He'd even bothered to ask Raleigh for his favorite flower (sunflowers) and had presented them with a scowl at the start of their next 'date'.

Somewhere along the way, dating Chuck had become less obligation and started to feel like... something Raleigh shouldn't enjoy as much as he did.

He shouldn't enjoy the under-the-breath quips that were so sarcastic that Raleigh actually cracked up laughing when he caught them.

He shouldn't sneak glances when Chuck closed his eyes and reveled in the wind coming off of the sea.

He shouldn't save a sunflower from each bouquet Chuck "remembered" to bring.

Raleigh spun a thick stem between his fingers and quietly admitted to himself that if he fell in love with Chuck, it might not be so bad.

It wasn't like the ginger bastard would ever return his feelings after all.

Raleigh was one of, it turned out, a lucky three people who had Chuck's phone number.

""So, Chuck hasn't called in and I have it on good authority that you're dating. I got the Kaidonovskies to cover his shift but could you do us all a huge favor and go check on him?"" Sergio asked. ""He's never done this before so I'm a little worried.""

"I'm on it, Serg. I'll let you know what's up, okay?" Raleigh hummed and then scrubbed a hand down his face as he texted Chuck.

  Raleigh: Where r u?

It took near five minutes for Chuck to respond, which was way longer than his usual five seconds.

  Chuck: m sick

  Chuck: don't come over

  Chuck: if I die u get my dog

He snorted, texting as he grabbed his jacket, his scarf and his washable surgical mask Mako had given him for his birthday.

  Raleigh: drama llama

Raleigh: Ur not gonna die

  Raleigh: I'm coming over

Chuck appeared to rouse at that.

  Chuck: NO

If Chuck thought he could out-stubborn Raleigh, he had another thing coming.

  Raleigh: YES

  Raleigh: I'm making you homemade soup

Raleigh: u giant wiener

Chuck didn't respond for several moments as if shocked that Raleigh would do something that nice.

Chuck: U need my address

  Chuck: Or did u expect to kno

  Chuck: where I live, u wanker

He did laugh at that, midway through testing a tomato with his fingers.

  Raleigh: I could ask Mako

  Raleigh: She'll provide the info

  Raleigh: with half the hassle that

  Raleigh: Ur giving me

  Raleigh: btw

  Raleigh: R u allergic to tomato?

His phone buzzed with the response as Raleigh finished grocery shopping.

  Chuck: no, not allergic to tomato

  Chuck: pick up some tissue

As though he sensed he was being a little rude, he followed it with another text.

  Chuck: ... pls?

Raleigh shook his head, flicked on his voice-to-text app and said, "Already on it period. Send."

Chuck sent the address and Raleigh pulled over into a gas station to input the address. He paused, contemplated labeling it 'U Grumpy Bastard' and then grinned at it occurred to him.

Chuck's address ended up as 'My Dumbass

An English bulldog sat in his way, Raleigh's arms aching as the grocery bags creaked.

"Uh, hi, pup. Could you do me a favor—"

"Max, get." Chuck rasped, poking his dog with his socked foot to let Raleigh into his apartment.

He toed off his boots out of habit and nudged them into a vaguely neat pile near the door.

Raleigh set all the bags down, found the trash can and the fridge and got to work.

By the time the tomato soup was bubbling on the stove, Chuck had been served eucalyptus tea, meds and tissues, in that order.

Raleigh absently texted Sergio as he watched his soup, keeping half an eye on a bemused and snuffling Chuck. He reigned in the urge to kiss the frown off of Chuck's face.

Chuck frowned and then wrote on the whiteboard Raleigh had brought from home.

'What? Do I have something in my face?'

"Nah. Just an old habit from when my sister was sick. She'd sneak off the couch and then get me sick cause she likes to cuddle when she's loopy on meds." He deflected as he poked at the soup.

The squeak of the marker was proceeded by Chuck gathering his blanket nest and sitting on the tall chair next to the counter.

'U have siblings?'

"Mm, two. Yancy's the oldest and Jazzy's the youngest. I'm the middle kiddo."

'Why tomato soup?'

"I'll have you know that Maman and my Mémé would skin me alive if I fed you anything else aside from this. It's supposed to be loaded with nutrients and good protein to help you get better." He countered with a raised brow.

'Meme??'

"French for Grandma. Maman is Mom." Raleigh explained. He pulled out the bacon, frowned and asked, "Where's your frying pan?"

'Under the stove.'

"... You don't cook, clearly, cause otherwise you'd know that that's the broiler, not a drawer. Also, these are really nice pans and it's a shame they don't get used more often." He talked mostly to himself but Chuck blew a raspberry from behind the covers. "It's true."

'Don't b rude. It's my space u know.'

"Supposed to be our space, remember? Shit, should I move in?" Raleigh asked and Chuck shook his head hard enough to negate that.

'NO.'

Chuck wrote quickly and then thrust it out as Raleigh patted the bacon to get the excess grease off.

'I'm already regretting asking u, alright? The last thing I need is to see u in ur undies. I bet u wear whities.'

"Hey! I wear boxer briefs, you jerk. Tightey-whities are soooo last season. Also, Jazz would murder me for that fashion crime. She's majoring in it and if I'm related to her, I'm gonna not cause her pain by dressing, and I quote, 'like a fisherman with no sense'. She's already tried to kill my sweaters, okay?" Raleigh grumbled as he dumped most of the bacon into the soup.

'Wait. Seriously?'

"Yeah, seriously."

'Ur jumpers r how I know it's u. No one else at the bar wears them like u do.' If Raleigh tilted it right, it might've been a compliment but Chuck didn't do those.

"Uhhhh, thanks, I think. Now, eat your soup and rest some more, alright?" Raleigh served up a decent bowl that would go down well with Chuck and reserved the rest of the soup in the pot, closing it with a lid. "Don't even think about ruining my soup by sticking it in the microwave. Heat it up on the stove on low." He looked at Max. "Do I need to take Max for a poop?"

'Probably. His lead's in the hall.'

Raleigh grabbed the red leash and Max was suddenly at his feet, butt wagging furiously.

He barely had room to tug on his boots.

"I'll be back! Finish that soup, Chuck!" The door closed with a clunk behind him. He laughed when Max tugged him down the street, barely giving him time to shrug on his jacket and wrap his scarf up the right way.

"Is that Max I hear?" Max boofed and somehow his butt wiggled even harder. "It is~" An older woman was sitting on the porch, her hands cradling a warm drink with a blanket in her lap. "Oh! You're not Chuck!"

"Ahh, no. He's sick," Raleigh mentioned with a shrug, his muscles straining as Max tugged on the leash in this woman's direction. "Max, pas maintenant*." He chided.

"You must be that friend of his."

"... Umm," Raleigh's face heated up as he thought about Chuck, who was probably miserably eating his soup and scrubbed at the back of his neck.

"Oh, I see. How long?" Her confidential tone made Raleigh want to combust from embarassment.

"Coupla months," he choked out, "Gotta go, ma'am, Max is, umm..."

"Go on. Chuck's got himself a keeper! You tell him Mrs. Gage said so, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Raleigh agreed as Max tugged on the leash again.

"Chuck, I swear to God that you've got the nosiest neighbors—" Raleigh froze at the sight of a man who could only be Chuck's Dad.

He let Max off the leash on autopilot after he closed the door, hanging it up like he'd seen it earlier. Raleigh kicked off his boots again and set them against the foyer frame, this time a great deal neater than they'd been before.

"You must be Raleigh," the man said as though he hadn't thrown their whole plan out of wack. "I'm Herc."

"Pleasure to meet you, sir." He let his manners take over, a smile on his face as he shook the offered hand. "Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?"

'Dad doesn't do tea.' When the whiteboard popped up from the couch, it seemed Chuck had retreated back with his blanket nest.

"Mm, coffee then?" Raleigh hummed as Herc looked between them. "Milk? Creamer?"

"Creamer, if you don't mind."

He busied himself preparing two cups of coffee and then dug into the supplies he'd organized on the counter, muttering to himself in Korean as he read the instructions for the citron tea he'd brought over.

"Coffee 'n creamer for us, tea for Chuck. Don't make that face. It's gonna feel nice and it's yuzu, vaguely lemony with honey." He sat next to Chuck, reaching to adjust the blankets and handing over the tea.

'Ur gonna get sick.'

"Mmm, yeah, probably. Do I look like I mind?" Raleigh pointed out as he gently pecked Chuck on the lips. Chuck grumbled wordlessly but snuggled closer as he drank his tea. He made a noise of surprise at the taste and looked at Raleigh with a wordless question. "So-Yi suggested it when I dropped by the bar. Y'know, half of them thought you got in a fight or dropped off the face of the planet. Being sick never even occurred to them."

'Liar.'

"No, that's what you get when literally three people have your number, you dumbass." He bickered back, looking up when a muffled laugh brought him back to their current situation.

Right.

Chuck's Dad.

"Y'know, I almost didn't believe my son when he said he was dating someone. He works hard and doesn't remember to leave time for himself but I can see he's in good hands with you." The pride Herc had for his son was clear in nearly every word he spoke.

"Yeah, well I could've said the same a while back. Chuck's sweet under like, fifteen layers of asshole, but you gotta have enough patience for the layers." Raleigh ribbed Chuck gently, letting himself touch instead of shying away from Chuck. They had to make this convincing—At least that was how he justified it to himself. "Mmm, you've got a fever." He told Chuck as he brushed the damp ginger hair away from Chuck's forehead.

'No shit, u wanker. What r u doing?'

Raleigh leaned in close and whispered his answer, "I'm being your boyfriend, hell practically the perfect one. The least your dumbass could do is play along, right?"

Chuck huffed at that and leaned into the casual touch. 'whatever. R we still doing that ice thing?'

"Like I'm gonna miss the chance to see you fall on your ass?" Raleigh teased. "We'll just have to reschedule for when you're better."

"I'll leave you two to be cutesy." Herc chuckled and Raleigh nearly face palmed.

They were totally—"Oh God, I'm the worst host-"

'Sorry Dad.'

"Don't be sorry. You two remind me of a better time." Herc only smiled at them and let himself out, nudging Max away from the door with his foot out of years of practice.

Raleigh practically turned the air blue with French curses before he sighed. "At least your Dad's convinced?"

"Why'd you kiss me?" Chuck's voice, as raspy as it was, caught his attention immediately.

"We're supposed to be dating. If I really was your boyfriend, I wouldn't let a cold keep me from kissing you. You were just so adorably grumpy," Raleigh replied before he caught what came out of his mouth. "I-I mean, I've gone and done it with my other relationships, y'know, so I thought you wouldn't mind—"

"Raleigh." Chuck's gaze cut off his voice faster than anything else. "Did you call me adorably grumpy?"

"No," he denied it quickly, valiantly trying to ignore how his face felt like it was on fire.

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Raleigh, I-"

"I think I might be in love with you." He blurted and then slapped both of his hands over his mouth in shock.

Oh he was so screwed; Chuck was going to break off their agreement, break up with him even though they weren't really dating and why did that thought hurt so much?

Raleigh made to stand, one foot planted on the floor when Chuck's hand shot out and grabbed the front of his sweater.

"I thought it was hopeless," Chuck coughed before he continued hoarsely. "that there was no way in a million years that sunshine personified would ever like me enough, but you said... You said you're in love with me."

Huh. Weren't they a match made in heaven; oblivious as hell until one of them confessed.

Raleigh settled back into the blankets and whispered, "'Sunshine personified'? Really?"

"Don't you start, Rahleigh."

"Well, since we're actually dating, there is a way to shut me up."

He was going to regret it later, he knew, but the feel of Chuck's tongue in his mouth over-rode the resignation of being sick right along with his boyfriend.

Mako only laughed when Raleigh whined about being sick.