#max is also almost adopted at this point

[raapija]

Literally his kids fr fr 👨‍🦳🧑🧑🧑

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The reason you can’t buy a car is the same reason that your health insurer let hackers dox you

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

In 2017, Equifax suffered the worst data-breach in world history, leaking the deep, nonconsensual dossiers it had compiled on 148m Americans and 15m Britons, (and 19k Canadians) into the world, to form an immortal, undeletable reservoir of kompromat and premade identity-theft kits:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_Equifax_data_breach

Equifax knew the breach was coming. It wasn't just that their top execs liquidated their stock in Equifax before the announcement of the breach – it was also that they ignored years of increasingly urgent warnings from IT staff about the problems with their server security.

Things didn't improve after the breach. Indeed, the 2017 Equifax breach was the starting gun for a string of more breaches, because Equifax's servers didn't just have one fubared system – it was composed of pure, refined fubar. After one group of hackers breached the main Equifax system, other groups breached other Equifax systems, over and over, and over:

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/equifax-password-username-admin-lawsuit-201118316.html

Doesn't this remind you of Boeing? It reminds me of Boeing. The spectacular 737 Max failures in 2018 weren't the end of the scandal. They weren't even the scandal's start – they were the tipping point, the moment in which a long history of lethally defective planes "breached" from the world of aviation wonks and into the wider public consciousness:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_accidents_and_incidents_involving_the_Boeing_737

Just like with Equifax, the 737 Max disasters tipped Boeing into a string of increasingly grim catastrophes. Each fresh disaster landed with the grim inevitability of your general contractor texting you that he's just opened up your ceiling and discovered that all your joists had rotted out – and that he won't be able to deal with that until he deals with the termites he found last week, and that they'll have to wait until he gets to the cracks in the foundation slab from the week before, and that those will have to wait until he gets to the asbestos he just discovered in the walls.

Drip, drip, drip, as you realize that the most expensive thing you own – which is also the thing you had hoped to shelter for the rest of your life – isn't even a teardown, it's just a pure liability. Even if you razed the structure, you couldn't start over, because the soil is full of PCBs. It's not a toxic asset, because it's not an asset. It's just toxic.

Equifax isn't just a company: it's infrastructure. It started out as an engine for racial, political and sexual discrimination, paying snoops to collect gossip from nosy neighbors, which was assembled into vast warehouses full of binders that told bank officers which loan applicants should be denied for being queer, or leftists, or, you know, Black:

https://jacobin.com/2017/09/equifax-retail-credit-company-discrimination-loans

This witch-hunts-as-a-service morphed into an official part of the economy, the backbone of the credit industry, with a license to secretly destroy your life with haphazardly assembled "facts" about your life that you had the most minimal, grudging right to appeal (or even see). Turns out there are a lot of customers for this kind of service, and the capital markets showered Equifax with the cash needed to buy almost all of its rivals, in mergers that were waved through by a generation of Reaganomics-sedated antitrust regulators.

There's a direct line from that acquisition spree to the Equifax breach(es). First of all, companies like Equifax were early adopters of technology. They're a database company, so they were the crash-test dummies for ever generation of database. These bug-riddled, heavily patched systems were overlaid with subsequent layers of new tech, with new defects to be patched and then overlaid with the next generation.

These systems are intrinsically fragile, because things fall apart at the seams, and these systems are all seams. They are tech-debt personified. Now, every kind of enterprise will eventually reach this state if it keeps going long enough, but the early digitizers are the bow-wave of that coming infopocalypse, both because they got there first and because the bottom tiers of their systems are composed of layers of punchcards and COBOL, crumbling under the geological stresses of seventy years of subsequent technology.

The single best account of this phenomenon is the British Library's postmortem of their ransomware attack, which is also in the running for "best hard-eyed assessment of how fucked things are":

https://www.bl.uk/home/british-library-cyber-incident-review-8-march-2024.pdf

There's a reason libraries, cities, insurance companies, and other giant institutions keep getting breached: they started accumulating tech debt before anyone else, so they've got more asbestos in the walls, more sagging joists, more foundation cracks and more termites.

That was the starting point for Equifax – a company with a massive tech debt that it would struggle to pay down under the most ideal circumstances.

Then, Equifax deliberately made this situation infinitely worse through a series of mergers in which it bought dozens of other companies that all had their own version of this problem, and duct-taped their failing, fucked up IT systems to its own. The more seams an IT system has, the more brittle and insecure it is. Equifax deliberately added so many seams that you need to be able to visualized additional spatial dimensions to grasp them – they had fractal seams.

But wait, there's more! The reason to merge with your competitors is to create a monopoly position, and the value of a monopoly position is that it makes a company too big to fail, which makes it too big to jail, which makes it too big to care. Each Equifax acquisition took a piece off the game board, making it that much harder to replace Equifax if it fucked up. That, in turn, made it harder to punish Equifax if it fucked up. And that meant that Equifax didn't have to care if it fucked up.

Which is why the increasingly desperate pleas for more resources to shore up Equifax's crumbling IT and security infrastructure went unheeded. Top management could see that they were steaming directly into an iceberg, but they also knew that they had a guaranteed spot on the lifeboats, and that someone else would be responsible for fishing the dead passengers out of the sea. Why turn the wheel?

That's what happened to Boeing, too: the company acquired new layers of technical complexity by merging with rivals (principally McDonnell-Douglas), and then starved the departments that would have to deal with that complexity because it was being managed by execs whose driving passion was to run a company that was too big to care. Those execs then added more complexity by chasing lower costs by firing unionized, competent, senior staff and replacing them with untrained scabs in jurisdictions chosen for their lax labor and environmental enforcement regimes.

(The biggest difference was that Boeing once had a useful, high-quality product, whereas Equifax started off as an irredeemably terrible, if efficient, discrimination machine, and grew to become an equally terrible, but also ferociously incompetent, enterprise.)

This is the American story of the past four decades: accumulate tech debt, merge to monopoly, exponentially compound your tech debt by combining barely functional IT systems. Every corporate behemoth is locked in a race between the eventual discovery of its irreparable structural defects and its ability to become so enmeshed in our lives that we have to assume the costs of fixing those defects. It's a contest between "too rotten to stand" and "too big to care."

Remember last February, when we all discovered that there was a company called Change Healthcare, and that they were key to processing virtually every prescription filled in America? Remember how we discovered this? Change was hacked, went down, ransomed, and no one could fill a scrip in America for more than a week, until they paid the hackers $22m in Bitcoin?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2024_Change_Healthcare_ransomware_attack

How did we end up with Change Healthcare as the linchpin of the entire American prescription system? Well, first Unitedhealthcare became the largest health insurer in America by buying all its competitors in a series of mergers that comatose antitrust regulators failed to block. Then it combined all those other companies' IT systems into a cosmic-scale dog's breakfast that barely ran. Then it bought Change and used its monopoly power to ensure that every Rx ran through Change's servers, which were part of that asbestos-filled, termite-infested, crack-foundationed, sag-joisted teardown. Then, it got hacked.

United's execs are the kind of execs on a relentless quest to be too big to care, and so they don't care. Which is why their they had to subsequently announce that they had suffered a breach that turned the complete medical histories of one third of Americans into immortal Darknet kompromat that is – even now – being combined with breach data from Equifax and force-fed to the slaves in Cambodia and Laos's pig-butchering factories:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/01/politics/data-stolen-healthcare-hack/index.html

Those slaves are beaten, tortured, and punitively raped in compounds to force them to drain the life's savings of everyone in Canada, Australia, Singapore, the UK and Europe. Remember that they are downstream of the forseeable, inevitable IT failures of companies that set out to be too big to care that this was going to happen.

Failures like Ticketmaster's, which flushed 500 million users' personal information into the identity-theft mills just last month. Ticketmaster, you'll recall, grew to its current scale through (you guessed it), a series of mergers en route to "too big to care" status, that resulted in its IT systems being combined with those of Ticketron, Live Nation, and dozens of others:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/31/business/ticketmaster-hack-data-breach.html

But enough about that. Let's go car-shopping!

Good luck with that. There's a company you've never heard. It's called CDK Global. They provide "dealer management software." They are a monopolist. They got that way after being bought by a private equity fund called Brookfield. You can't complete a car purchase without their systems, and their systems have been hacked. No one can buy a car:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/27/business/cdk-global-cyber-attack-update/index.html

Writing for his BIG newsletter, Matt Stoller tells the all-too-familiar story of how CDK Global filled the walls of the nation's auto-dealers with the IT equivalent of termites and asbestos, and lays the blame where it belongs: with a legal and economics establishment that wanted it this way:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/a-supreme-court-justice-is-why-you

The CDK story follows the Equifax/Boeing/Change Healthcare/Ticketmaster pattern, but with an important difference. As CDK was amassing its monopoly power, one of its execs, Dan McCray, told a competitor, Authenticom founder Steve Cottrell that if he didn't sell to CDK that he would "fucking destroy" Authenticom by illegally colluding with the number two dealer management company Reynolds.

Rather than selling out, Cottrell blew the whistle, using Cottrell's own words to convince a district court that CDK had violated antitrust law. The court agreed, and ordered CDK and Reynolds – who controlled 90% of the market – to continue to allow Authenticom to participate in the DMS market.

Dealers cheered this on: CDK/Reynolds had been steadily hiking prices, while ingesting dealer data and using it to gouge the dealers on additional services, while denying dealers access to their own data. The services that Authenticom provided for $35/month cost $735/month from CDK/Reynolds (they justified this price hike by saying they needed the additional funds to cover the costs of increased information security!).

CDK/Reynolds appealed the judgment to the 7th Circuit, where a panel of economists weighed in. As Stoller writes, this panel included monopoly's most notorious (and well-compensated) cheerleader, Frank Easterbrook, and the "legendary" Democrat Diane Wood. They argued for CDK/Reynolds, demanding that the court release them from their obligations to share the market with Authenticom:

https://caselaw.findlaw.com/court/us-7th-circuit/1879150.html

The 7th Circuit bought the argument, overturning the lower court and paving the way for the CDK/Reynolds monopoly, which is how we ended up with one company's objectively shitty IT systems interwoven into the sale of every car, which meant that when Russian hackers looked at that crosseyed, it split wide open, allowing them to halt auto sales nationwide. What happens next is a near-certainty: CDK will pay a multimillion dollar ransom, and the hackers will reward them by breaching the personal details of everyone who's ever bought a car, and the slaves in Cambodian pig-butchering compounds will get a fresh supply of kompromat.

But on the plus side, the need to pay these huge ransoms is key to ensuring liquidity in the cryptocurrency markets, because ransoms are now the only nondiscretionary liability that can only be settled in crypto:

https://locusmag.com/2022/09/cory-doctorow-moneylike/

When the 7th Circuit set up every American car owner to be pig-butchered, they cited one of the most important cases in antitrust history: the 2004 unanimous Supreme Court decision in Verizon v Trinko:

https://www.oyez.org/cases/2003/02-682

Trinko was a case about whether antitrust law could force Verizon, a telcoms monopolist, to share its lines with competitors, something it had been ordered to do and then cheated on. The decision was written by Antonin Scalia, and without it, Big Tech would never have been able to form. Scalia and Trinko gave us the modern, too-big-to-care versions of Google, Meta, Apple, Microsoft and the other tech baronies.

In his Trinko opinion, Scalia said that "possessing monopoly power" and "charging monopoly prices" was "not unlawful" – rather, it was "an important element of the free-market system." Scalia – writing on behalf of a unanimous court! – said that fighting monopolists "may lessen the incentive for the monopolist…to invest in those economically beneficial facilities."

In other words, in order to prevent monopolists from being too big to care, we have to let them have monopolies. No wonder Trinko is the Zelig of shitty antitrust rulings, from the decision to dismiss the antitrust case against Facebook and Apple's defense in its own ongoing case:

https://www.ftc.gov/system/files/documents/cases/073_2021.06.28_mtd_order_memo.pdf

Trinko is the origin node of too big to care. It's the reason that our whole economy is now composed of "infrastructure" that is made of splitting seams, asbestos, termites and dry rot. It's the reason that the entire automotive sector became dependent on companies like Reynolds, whose billionaire owner intentionally and illegally destroyed evidence of his company's crimes, before going on to commit the largest tax fraud in American history:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/billionaire-robert-brockman-accused-of-biggest-tax-fraud-in-u-s-history-dies-at-81-11660226505

Trinko begs companies to become too big to care. It ensures that they will exponentially increase their IT debt while becoming structurally important to whole swathes of the US economy. It guarantees that they will underinvest in IT security. It is the soil in which pig butchering grew.

It's why you can't buy a car.

Now, I am fond of quoting Stein's Law at moments like this: "anything that can't go on forever will eventually stop." As Stoller writes, after two decades of unchallenged rule, Trinko is looking awfully shaky. It was substantially narrowed in 2023 by the 10th Circuit, which had been briefed by Biden's antitrust division:

https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca10/22-1164/22-1164-2023-08-21.html

And the cases of 2024 have something going for them that Trinko lacked in 2004: evidence of what a fucking disaster Trinko is. The wrongness of Trinko is so increasingly undeniable that there's a chance it will be overturned.

But it won't go down easy. As Stoller writes, Trinko didn't emerge from a vacuum: the economic theories that underpinned it come from some of the heroes of orthodox economics, like Joseph Schumpeter, who is positively worshipped. Schumpeter was antitrust's OG hater, who wrote extensively that antitrust law didn't need to exist because any harmful monopoly would be overturned by an inevitable market process dictated by iron laws of economics.

Schumpeter wrote that monopolies could only be sustained by "alertness and energy" – that there would never be a monopoly so secure that its owner became too big to care. But he went further, insisting that the promise of attaining a monopoly was key to investment in great new things, because monopolists had the economic power that let them plan and execute great feats of innovation.

The idea that monopolies are benevolent dictators has pervaded our economic tale for decades. Even today, critics who deplore Facebook and Google do so on the basis that they do not wield their power wisely (say, to stamp out harassment or disinformation). When confronted with the possibility of breaking up these companies or replacing them with smaller platforms, those critics recoil, insisting that without Big Tech's scale, no one will ever have the power to accomplish their goals:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/18/urban-wildlife-interface/#combustible-walled-gardens

But they misunderstand the relationship between corporate power and corporate conduct. The reason corporations accumulate power is so that they can be insulated from the consequences of the harms they wreak upon the rest of us. They don't inflict those harms out of sadism: rather, they do so in order to externalize the costs of running a good system, reaping the profits of scale while we pay its costs.

The only reason to accumulate corporate power is to grow too big to care. Any corporation that amasses enough power that it need not care about us will not care about it. You can't fix Facebook by replacing Zuck with a good unelected social media czar with total power over billions of peoples' lives. We need to abolish Zuck, not fix Zuck.

Zuck is not exceptional: there were a million sociopaths whom investors would have funded to monopolistic dominance if he had balked. A monopoly like Facebook has a Zuck-shaped hole at the top of its org chart, and only someone Zuck-shaped will ever fit through that hole.

Our whole economy is now composed of companies with sociopath-shaped holes at the tops of their org chart. The reason these companies can only be run by sociopaths is the same reason that they have become infrastructure that is crumbling due to sociopathic neglect. The reckless disregard for the risk of combining companies is the source of the market power these companies accumulated, and the market power let them neglect their systems to the point of collapse.

This is the system that Schumpeter, and Easterbrook, and Wood, and Scalia – and the entire Supreme Court of 2004 – set out to make. The fact that you can't buy a car is a feature, not a bug. The pig-butcherers, wallowing in an ocean of breach data, are a feature, not a bug. The point of the system was what it did: create unimaginable wealth for a tiny cohort of the worst people on Earth without regard to the collapse this would provoke, or the plight of those of us trapped and suffocating in the rubble.

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/28/dealer-management-software/#antonin-scalia-stole-your-car

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[httpsserene]

𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐚𝐥 | 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐚𝐥𝐛𝐨𝐧

summary: alex tries to bribe you into giving him a second chance. you accept the bribe—but, only because it will benefit the seals. definitely not because you want to see him again, or anything.

pairing: alex albon x seal specialist fem!black!reader

from, serene: almost had to split this final part into two! i hope y'all don't mind me hitting that max photo limit loll happy reading, loves xxx

⌕ prev | join taglist | feedback & requests | upcoming chapters | table of contents | seal you later toc ↻

messages • yn -> coral • twitter dm's • alex -> yn

messages • max please unmute us gc -> alex

twitter • alex_albon • messages • yn -> coral

twitter dm's • alex -> yn

messages • • max please unmute us gc -> alex • yn -> coral

twitter

instagram • williamsracing & pacificmmc • october 12th

liked by f1, georgerussell63, seallygirlyn, and 85,734 others

williamsracing alex had a wonderful time on his private tour of the pacific marine mammal center! thanks to yn ln for showing us around and letting us meet some seals and seal pups! you can watch the tour video on our youtube through the link in our bio as well as donating to the pacific marine mammal center to help them conserve our oceans and wildlife!

pacificmmc alex_albon seallygirlyn

view comments

alex_albon: it was incredible to see the important work being done everyday to maintain our oceans firsthand! even better to be able to adopt optimus prime, my seal son <3

➥ charlesleclerc: find an original character trait albono 😡🙄 ➥ user1: f1 has become the most unserious sport in the world. ➥ user2: are you not entertained???

pacificmmc: it was a pleasure to host alex, even though he threatened to kidnap some of our pups ;)

➥ alex_albon: can you blame me? look at their faces! ➥ francolapinto: i am jealous 🥺 ➥ seallygirlyn: silly franco ☺️ only boys who break strangers phones and run away are allowed to do the fun pr events! ➥ francolapinto: 😂😂😂

user4: omg!!! yn and alex met again??!!! watching the video rn

➥ user5: IM SCREAMINGGG ➥ user6: the seal puppies little noises i just wanna take a lil bite ➥ user7: cute agression was on 💯💯💯

user8: alex making more alex noises as he had to feed the seals slimy fish 💀💀💀

➥ seallygirlyn: i almost confused his noises with the pups lol! ➥ user8: omg hiiii! you're literally living my dream! i want to work in marine conservation efforts just like you! ➥ seallygirlyn: visit our website for more on marine science and programs around the world < 3 i still feel like i'm living in a dream every day haha

seallygirlyn: alex was a very attentive guest! and he didn't even break any property :)

➥ alex_albon: please let it go already !!! ➥ alex_albon: what more do you want from meeeeee 🫠😫 ➥ seallygirlyn: my lost seal photos ➥ user9: holding a grudge 🤝🏽 seallygirlyn

messages • alex -> yn

instagram • williamsracing • october 20th • austin ⚑

liked by 43,592 others

williamsracing double points finishes for our boys this weekend! i wonder if it has anything to do with the seally good luck charm alex had on his side of the garage?

view comments

williamsracing: funniest moment this weekend was alex almost missing sprint qualifying because he was too busy talking to seallygirlyn

➥ seallygirlyn: I AM SO SORRY WILLIAMS F1 TEAM 🤧 ➥ coral: PLEASE DON'T BAN US !!! I WOULD LIKE TO ATTEND MANY MORE RACES ➥ francolapinto: yes admin do not be mean coral was very sweet 😇 ➥ coral: hwat? ➥ user10: franco needs to be castrated PLA

alex_albon: i ALMOST missed sprint qualifying—everybody’s freaking out for no reason 🥱

➥ alex_albon: also can you blame me? she was talking to me about jellyfish and i lost track of time ➥ seallygirlyn: this is the 2nd most embarrassing day of my life😖😭😭😭 ➥ user11: what's the first? ➥ seallygirlyn: when alex told the entire internet i cried when my phone broke ➥ user12: valid 😪

user13: she's a disrespectful guest and didn't respect the team's or alex's time the entire weekend. she should not be allowed to return.

➥ alex_albon: when? ➥ user13: when what? ➥ alex_albon: when did anybody ask for your opinion 🤨

messages • alex -> yn

twitter

igstory • alex_albon just uploaded!

[caption1; the only thing i cheat on is a diet plan][caption2; pretty views in santa monica]

replies limited

seallygirlyn: it was such a beautiful view! alex_albon: beautiful girl too 😏 seallygirlyn: smooth 😅

logansargeant: dude "pretty views" was the best you could come up with alex_albon: what's wrong with that???? logansargeant: i forget how old you are sometimes

twitter • postseason

instagram • seallygirlyn • january 23rd

liked by 32,973 others

seallygirlyn after review from the board (five water pups) he's awarded my seal of approval x alex_albon

comments on this post have been limited.

alex_albon: the amount of fish i had to feed them to get this distinction was frightening 😰

seallygirlyn: should've watched where you were running the first time we met < 3 alex_albon: but if i never ran into you, would we have ended up here?

instagram • alex_albon • january 23rd

liked by 1,592,368 others

alex_albon sealed it with a kiss x

view comments

seallygirlyn: love you seally boy 🥰

➥ alex_albon: love you more seally girl 🧜🏾‍♀️

georgerussell63: i always believed in you mate 💪🏼

-alex_albon: i vividly recall you bullying me everyday until i asked her out ➥ georgerussell63: how does that contradict the statement i made 🧐🧐🧐

user14: where's the two barbie dogs dancing gif when you need it? so happy for you both!!!!

user15: the other formula one drivers do not need to use this relationship announcement as a guide. please do a soft launch or you risk being responsible for my heart failing.

➥ alex_albon: does nobody remember the posts on my story like three months ago 😔 ➥ user16: TWO PHOTOS on a STORY from THREE MONTHS ago is not a soft launch YOU ASSHOLE 🤬 ➥ seallygirlyn: i did tell him that we should've had a proper sl :/

logansargeant: now when do i get to meet her 😈

➥ alex_albon: never 🫡 ➥ seallygirlyn: next time your in cali! we named a pup after you at the center :))) ➥ logansargeant: alex if you screw up this relationship i will never forgive you

maxverstappen1: i hate puns 😾

➥ landonorris: man just sealabrate this good time with us mate ➥ maxverstappen1: i'm going to flip out ➥ oscarpiastri: i hope you know that was also a pun 😂

general taglist (ask to join):

@saintslewis/@cherry2stems/@lorarri/@mindless-rock/@biancathecool

@barnestatic/@darleneslane/@lovingaphroditesworld/@smoothopz/@vetteltea

@tallrock35/@spideybv28/@loomiscorpse/@hiireadstuff/@namgification

@gg-trini/@multi-fandom-rando/@landoslutmeout/@love-simon/@iloveyou3000morgan/

@rexit-mo/@oscahpastry/@sweatrevenge5436-blog/@bokutos-babyowl/@oliviah-25

@evermoreandroyalblue/@riveristhebest1/@xylinasdiary/@ashiekins/@flowergirl1134

@hearts4robs/@c-losur3/@bloodyymaryyy/@awritingtree/@lammys-thinking

@nikfigueiredo/@bbreezyxoxo

seal you later taglist (closed):

@poppysrin @everythingabby101 @mangotaitai/@sumlovesjude/@nichmeddar

@panicforspec @formulaal @tellybearryyyy @greywritesthings @daddyslittlevillain

© httpsserene 2024 — photos used from pinterest. do not re-upload.

[soleminisanction]

I've always really liked DC's in-house choice of referring to their various superhero groupings as "families," but it has gotten a little frustrating recently with people both in canon and in fandom seeming to forget that families aren't just a parental-unit-and-kids formation. They're complicated, and a lot of the DC families are too messy to fit into that neat little nuclear family mode.

Which is to say... here's some scattered thoughts/summaries about how these families are actually structured in canon, because I think it's interesting:

Supers -- The smaller, more traditional Superfamily (Clark, Lois, Kara, Kon, etc.) is a pretty traditional Midwestern nuclear family, with Jimmy Olsen filling the role of close family friend/goofy neighbor sidekick (in the Silver Age, he was Kara's would-be suitor) and Steel feeling more like part of Clark's personal circle of friends. The recent line up, though, with Jon, the twins, Kong and Nat? Starts to feel more like some old dynasty or noble house, complete with fostered foundlings and the Steels acting almost like knights under a noble's banner, possibly reflective of what the House of El would have been on Krypton.

Arrows -- Might currently be the closet to a traditional nuclear family structure. You've got Ollie and Dinah, their younger sisters, Ollie's adopted and biological children, and Ollie's granddaughter through Roy, plus by some counts Roy's co-parent and her sister as "in-laws." Bonnie and Cissie King-Jones are adjacent to but not technically "part" of the family, though I believe it's implied at one point that Ollie might also be Cissie's bio-dad. Pretty straightforward, these guys are actually family and they act like it, for good and ill.

Shazam Family -- Also a literal, actual family. Not originally, the original golden age "Marvel Family" was considerably more complicated and only Billy and Mary were full siblings, but nowadays the whole point of the modern Shazam family is that they're foster siblings united by familial love and that's fantastic. Meanwhile your average Black Adam story is 75% angsty family drama, 25% Egyptian mythology references.

Flashes -- Technically closer to three nuclear families (the Allens, the Wests and the Garricks; four if you include the Quicks), two of whom are united by marriage and all of whom are bound by the Speedforce, which, given its semi-spiritual connections to things like Speedster afterlives, can act almost like a religious force that connects them to the additional members like Avery, Circuit Breaker and Max as Bart's foster-dad. They're a big, sprawling tree with more cousins than siblings, the kind of family that functionally has a reunion every Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Lanterns -- Now these guys are the exception that proves my point about the whole 'family' thing not being straightforward. The lanterns aren't a family, they're a corps. Soldiers. Space cops. Comrades-in-arms. They respect each other, have each other's backs, might even like or care about each other, but those last two are optional, and they don't have the same kind of assumed obligations towards each other that a family would have. They're friends and co-workers, not family, but that doesn't mean their relationships are less significant, they're just different.

Wonders -- Roughly half of them are either one of Hippolyta's daughters (Diana, Donna, Nubia pre-Crisis) or related to them through the gods (Cassie), and the other half (Artemis, Yara, modern-age Nubia) use sister as a term of endearment more in a utopian lesbian commune kind of way. I think they brought Steve Trevor back recently? He's basically the Ken in this equation and perfectly fine with that role. None of which should be surprising if you've seen Professor Marston and the Wonder Women.

Bats -- This is the one that people get really wrong when they try to force it into a traditional family structure. Don't let WFA fool you, the Bats are and have always been way more a snarled mess of tangled interpersonal relationships than they've ever been a cohesive family. Whether Dick is Bruce's son or his brother depends on what era you're talking about, and the former reading is much more recent than you think -- as in "started cropping up in the early 2000s" recent. Barbara is both Cassandra's sister and her mother. Duke and Steph both have living parents and neither of them want or would ever dream of treating Bruce like their dad; Tim was the same way until his dad died. None of the Robins ever lived in the mansion together, nor did Cass. Babs considered Jean-Paul Valley her brother and Huntress is so close to Tim she once hallucinated him calling her Big Sister. They're a beautiful mess of people finding places where their broken edges fit together into something that works for them and trying to reduce it down to a cozy nuclear family is just so goddamn reductive and lazy.

Blue Beetles -- Are only tangentially related to each other. Seriously, they never even get direct mentoring, each one just takes over when the previous one dies and works on completely different rules from the other two. They're complete strangers bound by a legacy and that's honestly pretty fun.

Zataras -- There's only three of them and they're literally a father, daughter and cousin.

Martians -- Not really a family because there's only the two of them, but an interesting case where the two survivors of what was functionally a war of mutually assured destruction came together in an attempt to find some peace in the aftermath of what they'd lost.

Titans -- The JLA and JSA aren't really in the "family" category, but the Titans lean into it hard, mostly because they're a textbook found family. They don't mirror a nuclear family structure, they're simply a group of people who came together to form a mutual support network. They're the idealized college friends you grew into your own with, some of them childhood companions and others you only met once you leave home for the first time, but all of them friends that you manage to maintain contact with for life, with everyone coming back together even as you scatter and do your own things.

Young Justice -- Meanwhile, this team is the chaotic group of misfits you hung out with when you were a teenager, especially when you were just starting to be allowed to act without adult supervision. You drive each other crazy, none of you know you're all queer as fuck, and you'd fight a bear for any of them even if they asked you not to. They'd probably be insulted if you tried to call them a family. They come out here to get away from their families, thank you very much.

[mecachrome]

hi! @ anon here is my lando accent infodump lmao:

so like landos accent is an ancient secret scientists worldwide have been spending centuries trying to analyse... but im gonna try to sum it up to the best of my abilities

his accent definitely changed with both private school AND international karting / single seaters but what complicates the matter is that his accent was weird to begin with

so using the reference clips k already picked out bc theyre actually rly good:

lando starts off (as far as we know, obvs by the time we have interviews of him he was already heavily involved in karting) with a weird accent

the main building blocks are definitely standard southern / londony working class. but there's also a distinct bristolian twang: notice the "foinal" and "mah mayn competition" and "jamie caroloine" lol (beloved). that bristolian twang is the first thing that goes away once he goes to secondary & is pretty much imperceptible today which is incredibly tragic to me

aside from all that is the weird foreign quality which has stayed in his accent to varying degrees over the years: these sort of flat, almost south african sounding vowels

part of it is 100% his mum & flemish roots. like, the reason i mention south africa specifically is bc i rmbr multiple ppl throwing it out as a guess, & it makes a lot of sense to me considering the dutch influence on the ZA accent. theres also his dyslexia, which often makes him trip over sounds / unsure of some pronounciations / simplify words in his head, and im almost certain that also contributes to his vague 'foreign' tinges

BUT if it was just those things it rly wouldnt explain why it fluctuated sm over the years. like we leave 11 year lando off sounding slightly european, but by the time we return to him at his formula 1 debut in 2019 i see ppl in the comments genuinely unconvinced that hes even british. he pronounces small 'i' sounds as long (think "a-nee-thing") and 'a' sounds flattened almost into 'e's (think "beck" instead of "back"). my reference for plotting where landos accent is at has always been how he says the name max (convenient that hes had by now 2 championship rivals and a best friend with that name) because at its most exagerrated it almost sounds like "mex"

i think what happened to get him to that point was like. as soon as private school flattened the regional twang his accent became even more absorbent than it had been before, and hanging out with so many international people brought out the european aspects of his own accent as well as had him borrow a few of their pronounciations

in 2019-2020 he was either living with sacha fenestraz (french-argentinian, has subtle and imo very charming argentinian accent) or alone & struggled to reconnect with old friends, bc of first the pressures of his rookie year and then the pandemic. this all changed massively in 2021 - at work he got an EFL teammate, at home he had max move in with him, in his social life he started hanging out more with tom bale and connor hughes and british youtube circles. 2021 is also when his accent solidified way more as 'standard southern' & i think it makes sense considering everything

nowadays his accent still varies & still carries some shades of his unique foreign pronounciations but it rests pretty consistently at 'standard southern'. what pushes it into different directions a bit is probably hanging out w garrix & other dutch ppl, as well as him adopting maxf's horrible little habit of mimicry which has him either pulling out the bankai bulgarian even out of context or, on the opposite side, placing the completely incongruous 'bunda' and 'man' into his vocabulary. OH and the even more baffling occasional brummie touches, also from maxf

tldr lando does have the ambiguous euro accent but its a bit more complicated than just spending time in international circles bc i think he is predisposed to speaking like that

as an addendum bc the english class police will come for me: by working class i just mean not posh

HLKSDFHLH kira this is such a dense text i don't even need to add anything!!! i've also seen people be like >WHY DOES HE SOUND SOUTH AFRICAN??? which mildly amuses me but yes all of this makes sense! and omg sacha's accent is sooo fun to me, i remember watching this interview where he talks about it (answering in spanish while his parents spoke to him in french 😭) and identifying as more argentinian than his sister etc. it was very charming. anw tl;dr as you put it i think a lot of it is just him and maxf possessing a natural inclination toward mimicry and a wide social circle LOL

[mezzy303]

So I've been rereading skip beat from the beginning for the first time in uhhhhh almost 10 years and I'm going inSaNE over characterizations and development that I have to write it down

At this point I'm only at the Heel siblings arc so I haven't gotten to the Guam or Saena arcs which are very big for Kyoko and Ren's character development and healing which I haven't reread since those chapters came out

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Nakamura for basing Kyoko and Ren's childhood struggles and trauma on very real things that aren't often, if at all, dealt with in anime/manga and also writing them with utmost care (Not only do the traumas inform their personalities, but their healing arcs aren't just a one and done thing!! It's a very slow process) Like starting with Kyoko, her single mother neglected her so much that she was raised by a family friend. On top of that, nothing Kyoko did was ever good enough for her mother, and both of these things are so apparent in Kyoko's character. She attaches herself to fairytales and magic as an escapism and because she relates to stories like Cinderella. She literally cannot function if she messes up and no one criticizes her. She can't properly acknowledge her own talents and beauty without it being attached somehow to fairytales; she never quite believes shes good enough. Similarly, she didn't want to bother anyone with her troubles, so she always dealt with them alone/in private spaces. Pretty sure she also has lowkey abandonment issues. And this is all parental trauma!! Things she already has before the series starts and she gets so utterly heartbroken she swears off romantic love entirely so she can never get hurt the same way again.

(I don't think I'll ever get over how Kyoko told all this to Kuu and he was literally like I'm adopting you. Your mine now. Sorry I don't make the rules ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And Kuu going home to his wife like hey we got a new kid 😂 Like Kyoko freezing up when she made mistakes and then Kuu showing her love instead of reprimanding her makes me go 🥹😩💖✨😭💝 Kyoko getting all fluffy from head pats🥹🥹 But on the downside she literally can't bring herself to call him dad unless she's in acting mode sjdfhsf)

When I really consider it, I wonder if Kyoko really loved Sho as a person or like.... the idea of him. Like he was just a convenient guy via proximity bc Kyoko needed someone to be her "prince". We haven't been shown exactly why she fell in love, but it would explain why she stuck with dedicating herself to him despite his terrible personality and knowing he never saw her the same way. It's portrayed like the concept of hatsukoi in anime where its ✨pure✨and innocent✨It seems very idealistic. Whereas Kyoko's love for Ren is more mature. She sees every aspect of Ren and doesn't sugarcoat it, she sees him as he is (she does him up on a pedestal but partially bc she admires him but also as an extreme measure to protect her heart and hide her feelings imo)

And REN. trauma to the max. He had to deal with the hardships of making a name for himself when his parents are already famous, extreme racism from being biracial, his friend/mentor dying from an accident he unintentionally caused???? Like boy hates himself so much he's literally disassociating 24/7 he needs a fucking therapist. I get how being Ren has helped him in some capacity but he needs a professional asap. Though deep diving into this is so interesting because Ren/Kuon compartmentalized his issues and the parts that he hates about himself so much he created its own persona ("Dark Kuon"), to the point he's rarely ever just himself. And he buried it so deep that as soon as he cracked the lid open, those emotions just spilled out. He can't even allow himself to be happy, and when he does feel truly happy, his automatic response is acting nonchalant,,,,,,,,,,,, he didn't even realize he was doing it at first 😢

Also the symbolism with Ren's watch makes me go a little feral. I don't remember if it's originally his or Rick's but it obviously stopped when the latter died and Ren keeps it as a reminder of what happened and why he went to Japan. It's a weird item since it grounds him but also represents his heavy trauma, and I think having those two things in one kinda showcases Ren's unhealthy coping mechanisms (like grounding himself to something traumatic isn't... great...). But that scene where he realizes he took it off and he has a moment of whether it to keep it on as Cain Heel or not??? *clenches fist* it was so good. (To recap it, he had his watch so he wouldn't lose himself in the role of BJ and then forgot it in the bathroom after an unexpected trauma response) Ren narrates his thoughts as choosing between Rick or Kyoko but interpreting this, he's choosing whether to keep himself stuck in his past trauma or move forward and let himself be happy AKA stick with unhealthy coping mechanisms vs try something healthy and rely on people he trusts. Kyoko essentially becomes someone Ren grounds himself to 🥺 He still needs therapy though lmao. He's so mentally unstable in this arc,,,

As I'm writing this I'm seeing a parallel between Kyoko and Ren and how they both had an experience that completely and utterly broke them, and it was this that pushed them onto their current paths in showbiz. And they likely would never have met each other again if those things never happened (they had to lose themselves to find each other?? 😭). It's so funny to me that Ren is all like ThEiR fAtEs ArE iNtErTwInEd with Kyoko and Sho when you have to consider the fact that him and Kyoko meeting again was like. a chance in a billion. It was fate 😂

KyoRen is such a poetic ship to me. The fact that they're different people when they meet and don't recognize the other. How Ren starts falling in love AS SOON AS HE REALIZES KYOKO IS THE SAME GIRL HE MET (Ren being gray/demiromantic.... more at 5). Kyoko lowkey starting to crush on Ren when she witnesses a bit of his real personality. These two things happening around the same time??????? And Ren being SO afraid of being Kuon, his true self, because of his bad qualities, but Kyoko pulling out the good qualities without him fully realizing it?? (I'm 100% referring to Kuon being a mischievous little shit and I live for how he teases Kyoko) tbh they treat each other differently from other people without even realizing it lol. And Kyoko being surrounded by toxic and possessive men pursuing her, and Ren being anything BUT. Like my man is a gigantic green flag. He recognizes that he can't seriously pursue Kyoko bc she's a minor and he really tries his best to only be a friend and mentor in her life and keeping her trust and never crossing her boundaries despite the stereotypes of men being "unable to control themselves." Y'all take point this should be the standard at minimum☝️

I have to talk about Sho bc this boy is so fucking toxic but he makes such a fascinating character. As much as I hate how Kyoko got heartbroken in the way she did, I think it was necessary so that she could leave Sho's sorry ass and cut him out of her life. Seriously,,,, he took advantage of her and used her as a servant. she literally dropped out of school, moved to a different city, and took on two jobs for the sole purpose of helping his career and then he threw her away like a used rag (JUST THROW THE WHOLE MAN AWAY). And then he has the audacity to fall in love with her smh. Anyway the fascinating part about him to analyze is how he's so possessive of Kyoko. Like she was a mere fly in his life, but she was always his. Until she wasn't. And I think those twisted thoughts kinda morphed into feelings for Kyoko. Ig in a way he still cares about her, but it could never hide how toxic he is. Anyone who's like I don't care how this person thinks of me as long as I take up the biggest space in their heart is egotistical and narcissistic. BUT he and Kyoko bickering like siblings will always be funny. Like epitome of two people who've lived with each other for way too long so they know how the other ticks and also get on each other's nerves 😂😂Sho does makes a good foil for Ren though. Like he's basically everything Ren is not: immature, temperamental, possessive, vain, the list goes on. His only redeeming qualities as a character is providing good drama and humor and being an example of what Ren isn't.

Skip Beat is really a story about healing and learning to love yourself and letting others love you and Nakamura is such a good story teller 🥺

[danielriccixrdo]

“Is that my hoodie?”

Max Verstappen x female!driver

You finally finished unpacking. You brought a lot of things with you to Monaco.

“Did you finish?” you hear that voice coming from the door frame. It’s a voice you’ve known your whole life. It’s Max Verstappen, your best friend. You two have been best friends since you were in diapers. The 3-year difference never mattered for you since you always did everything together. He was your biggest fan, and you were his. You supported each other every step of the way. Since karting to now F1. You were with him when he won both his championships and it was only logical that you would move in with him in Monaco for your debut in F1. Specially because you were his new teammate.

“Yup. Just finished” you respond and lay in your bed.

“Shall we eat something?” he asks cheerfully, laying next to you and hugging you tightly.

“Sure, but you’re squeezing me” you complain. He shrugs without letting go.

“So, burgers and milkshakes from that place you like?” he asks. You just nod and surrender to his embrace.

Max was always sweet and thoughtful with you. He always remembered your favourite food, your favourite candy, favourite places… everything. And you loved that about him. You also treated him specially. You weren’t a particularly physical person. You didn’t like hugs very much, but with Max it was different. If he wanted a hug or a cuddle you were in to comfort your lion. Yup, you gave him the nickname when you were kids.

——————

Some weeks have passed since you moved in. You had adopted a golden retriever puppy called Simba, who travelled with you because he was your baby, and you couldn’t leave him.

Your first F1 race weekend was over. You had survived and scored some very good points, while proving that you didn’t get that seat just because you were Max’s best friend, as some people were saying.

Unlike Simba, who was very energetic after sleeping almost through the entire flight, you and Max were exhausted. So, you went for a shower while Max ordered something for dinner.

When you come downstairs you find Max sleeping on the couch, hugging Simba. Simba notices you and leaves Max, who complains about the furry baby’s absence, on the couch, and runs towards you. You pick him up when you hear the doorbell ring.

“I’ll get that” says Max with his hot sleepy voice (which you secretly loved) and gets up to go open the door.

You settle everything and sit for dinner. Halfway through you catch him staring, almost drooling over you, all lost in his thoughts.

“A penny for your thoughts” you say, chuckling. He looks at you very confused because he wasn’t paying attention.

“what’s wrong?” you finally ask.

“Nothing” he says, not really wanting to share his thoughts. “Is that my hoodie?” He changes the subject, looking at you with adoration.

“Maybe” you chuckle innocently expecting to make him smile and to avoid being told off for stealing his clothing. It works.

“It looks better on you” he smiles in a special way. In a way you have never seen before. It is nice, though. He has a cute sparkle in his eyes.

After dinner you guys go cuddle on the couch. Of course, Simba cuddles with you because he’s a baby. You catch Max staring once again.

“Enough! Tell me what’s wrong” you confront him using a more serious tone this time.

“You’re gorgeous” he says without taking his eyes off if you.

“Thanks?” you look at him a bit confused.

“I love you” he says, still staring, slowly leaning forward.

“I love you too, but what is this about?” you ask. He just leans forward and kisses you softly. You are a bit shocked at first. Your best friend is kissing you. It is something you have always wanted, and it is finally happening. So, you let yourself go and put you arms around his neck.

“I love you” he repeats without pulling away from you. “Would you like to be my girlfriend?” he asks softly. You look at him in awe. You had been waiting your whole life for him to say these words and now he was finally saying them.

“Yes Maxi, I do want to be your girlfriend. I love you” you finally answer to his question, and he kisses you again, pulling you even closer.

“Now you can steal all the hoodies you want” he smiles.

“I already do that” you laugh and melt into his embrace.

[stopaskinf]

“Boy I’m trying to catch myself, but I’m out of control”

Songs Ateez boys remind me of:

Summary:^ title explains it all

Genre: fluff, Ateez x fem reader

CW: Cursing in some of the songs, sexual themes in some songs

Word Count: I dead couldn’t bother 🙂‍↕️

A/N: Exhaustion has hit me like no other🙃🙃

Hongjoong:

🐿️I’ll Kill You- Summer Walker

🐿️Shameless- Camila Cabello

🐿️Woman- Harry Styles

This man is insane. I feel like Hongjoong’s love is incredibly intense. He doesn’t let people in, so the ones he does? They’re staying. He’s also shown himself as possessive, jealous, and lowkey obsessive. He’d keep you chained if he didn’t understand the importance of autonomy.

Additional songs: Rattlesnake- Tsar B

⭐️Enjoy the Silence - Depeche Mode

⭐️Insanely Jealous of You - The Soft Boys

Seonghwa:

🐰Boyfriend- Dove Cameron

🐰Slumber Party- Ashnikko

🐰If I was your Girlfriend- Prince

Ok, so Seonghwa is not beating the lesbian protector allegations. Seonghwa’s love feels magical. Most of these are WlW songs because Seonghwa feels like the type to know women intimately. He feels almost maternal in the way he loves you. You’re not sure if it’s on purpose or not.

Additional songs: Virgo- Stwo

⭐️Hidden Place- Bjork

Yunho:

🐶Dream Boy - waterparks

🐶Blueberry Eyes- Max

🐶Want You in my Room- Carly Rae Jepsen

Yunho is quite literally a golden retriever boyfriend. He’s the dream boy you make up when you think of a man you’d want. He’s the boy next door who you’ve known since you were kids playing house. He’s nice, sweet, caring, and he loves you wholeheartedly.

Additional song: Next Door- Amelia moore

Yeosang:

🍃Cloud 9- Beach bunny

🍃Dream Boy- Beach bunny

🍃Please Like Me- ASH

Yeosang is such a little guy. When Yeosang is in love he’s lowkey a simp. He wants to impress you. He wants you to compliment him and make him feel pretty, even if it embarrasses him. Although, as much as he wants to be babied, he’s nervous. He feels the need to prove himself even when you guys get together. You always let him know you appreciate his efforts.

Additional songs: Venus as a Boy- Bjork

⭐️Come to me- Bjork

Mingi:

🐣Aphrodite- Rini

🐣Come See Me- Teenear

🐣I Miss You- Bjork

Mingi is a clingy bastard. We’ve all seen the way he acts with Yunho. He acts that way with you, but 10x worse. He feels a tad bit like a hopeless romantic to me. I feel like he’s the type to think he manifested you because you’re exactly his ideal. This man worships you.

San:

🐱Water- Kehlani

🐱Too Much- Carly Rae Jepsen

🐱Kiss Me through the Phone- Soujia boy

San was a little hard to choose for. The thing about San’s love is that he’s no doubt devoted, but he’s also chaotic. Not so much as Wooyoung, but he can be a handful. His intensity and clinginess almost rival Mingi. Very much the type to throw himself into your personal space because he misses you. He wouldn’t die without you, but his life would be far, far worse.

Additional songs: Cheating with You- The correspondents

⭐️Don’t Bother Me- the Beatles

Wooyoung:

😜Violently Happy- Bjork

😜Deja Vu- Beyonce

😜Drunk in Love- Beyonce

Lord, this man. Wooyoung is as chaotic and complimentary in love as he is in everyday life. You’ve adopted an unruly child who loves you unconditionally. He’s another one where his love borders on obsession. Well, more of a hyperfixation. There will never be a moment where he shuts up about you. Everyone who knows Wooyoung knows about you at this point.

Additional song: Kiss- Prince

Jongho:

🧸Pagan Poetry- Bjork

🧸No Drug like me- Carly rae jepsen

🧸And I love Her- The Beatles

Jongho next to maybe Hongjoong or Seonghwa has the most intense feel. When Jongho is in love, it’s quiet, but he has so much inner turmoil. Another who feels it is hard to let people in. So, when he does, he kinda freaks out at the depth of his own emotions. However, that doesn’t deter him, if anything it emboldens him.

Additional song: When I’m 64- the Beatles

[shu-box-puns]

Ok, I have a question on dad!Tsu'tey. Do you think that Tsu'tey would allow Spider to lock his hair? And I say allow because clearly locks are not exactly an Omaticaya staple look, and the only other person to have locks in the clan is Jake. He spent the first half of the movie pretty unkept until he began to rally the clans as Toruk Makto and he had a gorgeous set of well decorated braids. Im assuming he locked his hair out of convinience, whilst Spider locks his hair to look like Jake. But with Tsu'tey as his dad, Im almost sure the man is caring for his hair as if it was his own. And Tsu'tey has always been so elegant. Every part of how he presents is carefully curated from his braids, to his adornments. So a part of me believes that Tsu'tey would insist on doing braids on Spider and is always on top of them the moment he grows them out (some people like to leave them to grow out a little. But with the way that Tsu'tey is, I feel like he likes his braids to always be tight). Another part of me says that after years of wrangling Spider to do his hair he decides to give it up and just let the kid lock the hair (all whilst giving Jake dirty looks cause how dare he influence his baby?) Also, Spider might just be tender-headed which makes the braiding process even more of a pain than it already was. I dont know, what do you think? You think Spider might still lean towards locks or instead have the staple Omaticaya braids to look like his papa?

I honestly couldn't have said it better myself. :D

I feel like innitially, Spider would go with the traditional Omaticaya braids like all the other kids his age. And of course Tsu'tey would definitely be on top of keeping said braids immaculate and decorated in any beads Spider picks out from Mo'at's collection.

And when Tsu'tey takes out his own hair for a wash and a rebraid, he would definitely take some time to let Spider practice his braiding skills on him - even if it turns out a horrendous mess or one strand is thicker than the others. I feel like he'd encourage Spider to do one of his front braids, which he will either leave braided by Spider or let Spider choose what beads he'll wear in them until the next rebraid.

In those early years, I feel that Spider would definitely want to look just like Tsu'tey. I can see him refusing to let Max or Norm come at him with the scissors whilst he's still living in the compound before Tsu'tey officially adopts him, because he wants to look like the hunter so bad. Of course, they let him begin growing out his hair for eventual braids, but the scientists have to convince Tsu'tey to give him a trim to tidy him up and stop the ends of Spider's hair from splitting - Spider will only let Tsu'tey near his hair at that point.

But I can also see Spider admiring Jake as an uncle and getting it in his head that he wants to look like Toruk Makto - which of course feels like a personal blow to Tsu'tey even though Spider doesn't mean it like that. Admittedly, Tsu'tey can see the appeal of a legendary warrior in contrast to an Olo'eyktan, but he's still a little hurt that he and Spider won't match anymore. But what his boy wants he gets, so he sucks it up and lets Spider get locks to look like Jake.

[inchidentally]

because apparently I can't stop being weird ! 🫠

(this is completely shipping goggles off btw and with the assumption that there's no point theorizing about these men's actual sexualities since a)male sports and b)required travel to countries where the penalty for homosexuality is death/imprisonment.)

I kind of love that we're all picking up on something new and indefinable with Lando and Oscar and it makes our hearts do a little squeeze without fully knowing why. I'm basically finding myself repeating everyone else's tags on landoscar gifsets. and it made me think about why and how Lando has had two main support systems in terms of friendships up til now. there's the F1 alphas/extroverts and then there are his childhood besties.

F1

so like every guy or group of guys I've seen with Carlos somehow admit he's in the alpha position and rotate around him as the leader. it's very much like Daniel even though Carlos and Daniel aren't much alike outside of that (Daniel makes noise to be the leader, Carlos just exists as a leader). for an ambivert like Lando, Carlos and Daniel are great places to be when he's getting pulled under. they're typical straight alpha types who don't believe in getting stuck in their heads or feelings (Carlos' 'mental health' ad basically being go to the gym and stay productive to not feel sad lol) and they exist in a kind of nonstop monologue. so little Lando can just bob along in the current and know that he'll laugh and forget whatever ails him. very much like what he needed Carlos for after the Mexico race when he looked so drained and ended up magically chipper again in Brazil (in reality bc of friendship and not a solid dicking down as I have tagged in a lot of places). or that private plane ride with Daniel where Lando looked twelve years old and so happy. Lando clearly needs to feel small again sometimes and these are the guys who can do that.

Childhood

Max F obviously has that role of truth-telling and soul-baring that honestly I could see Lando not being able to live without. the friend/soulmate you can't hide anything from. I'm absolutely projecting at this point as someone who feels verrrry simpatico with Lando's personality (as we're allowed to see it) but having that person who can love you while being honest and real with you is so SO SO needed. but! there are times when it's too much and they know that you need to just float for a while. I feel like there's that core group of guys in the Max F circle who are all to different degrees like this with Lando. they're much more his equals in power dynamic too.

Oscah??

I think this is where Oscar exists in like a third, unexplored space. he's been caught in 4K as a Lando fanboy but he's also got sleepy cat personality so you can only tell from the internet evidence and from the way his eyes track Lando every time they're in the same rough vicinity that he's still fairly starstruck.

to me it's like Oscar hasn't quite shaken the norm of watching Lando on his phone screen and he almost forgets that he's supposed to be the one interacting with Lando in the challenges etc.

now if you've watched the Prema content on YT you'll know that Oscar, while still sleepy and placid, absolutely knew how to play up for social media content. sure the pressure wasn't that high and he'd known some of those boys for years by then. but his timing was solid and he adopted a sarcastic voice-of-reason role to bounce off the other guys. but what's so endearing about the McLaren content is that Oscar has basically positioned himself as guest star in the Lando Show. it's like he's so relieved at how good Lando is at media content that he spends a lot of his role in it watching what Lando is doing. I'm serious when I say it seems like he forgets he's not watching Lando on a screen like he always used to.

I do however think it's a confident and conscious decision that he made to not even bother trying to be another Carlos or Daniel - or to try and copy paste a little of the banter he'll have seen Lando have in Quadrant videos. I really love that Oscar's said you know what I'm being me and it so happens I'm nothing like those other people in Lando's content.

but !! you know who's personality and sense of humor Oscar most resembles? Max F. dry humor, sleepy but can get riled up and fun when they're feeling it. sort of fondly exasperated with Lando a lot of the time. I loved the stream of Max watching the Most Likely To with Lando and Oscar because he sided with Oscar so many times and appreciated Oscar bringing up the birthday issue.

and I think that's where for Lando he's still pretty damn thrown by Oscar - not in a bad way, just still uncertain. Oscar doesn't fit with Lando's extroverted F1 world. Oscar's plenty friendly with the rest of the grid (and obv Logan) but he's choosing to largely go under the radar and he runs his social media very lowkey even during some of the major highs he's had his rookie season. he's there to race F1 cars and when that's over he's got a very good brain in his head and plenty of options. he doesn't have the same insecurities that a lot of the drivers admit to having. Lando can't rely on Oscar being a typical F1 driver to understand him.

to finally come around to some kind of point I think what we're seeing is Lando and Oscar tiptoeing around a friendship that would probably develop very fast and easily if it weren't for the F1 pressure and expectations. we're seeing Lando unusually flustered by how easy he gets Oscar's attention and how he seemingly can't annoy or inadvertently piss off Oscar even if he tries to wind him up in videos or if he gets lost in admiration for his own trophy while Oscar shrugs off his own P14 finish and smiles at Lando. I genuinely think that level of undemanding affection has Lando sort of squirmy in an adorable way.

and Oscar clearly went into the personal side of his relationship to Lando of just enjoying whatever he gets and not trying to be someone he isn't. rookie seasons are already so pressure packed and the drama with Alpine followed by the rough start McLaren had won't have helped. he's just trying to do his job and prove his place and honestly isn't bothering to hide that he's baffled and flustered at finding himself interacting with Lando Norris the way Carlos Sainz and Daniel Ricciardo were. it's easier to just let people see that Lando can wrap him around his finger.

when all the time, if they'd met via Max F or mutual non-F1 friends, Oscar would fold right into Lando's group like butter on toast. I think that's what we pick up on with either or both of them getting shy and crushing on each other like new best friends at school. F1 has picked them up and put a camera on them and we're watching them slowly learn if it's okay to put an arm around each other or sit very close or touch the other person's hair. because they know this is very Real FriendTM friend potential and they don't want to spook each other and their feelings could so easily be hurt if they thought the other person didn't want to be friends as much or if they'd turn their back on them in front of their other friends.

they're not interacting as Typical Blokes by horseplay or teasing or being loud and they're not Just Guys Bein Dudes using humor and sarcasm to figure out the pecking order.

most of the time they're so shy or Lando's in a mood and Oscar finds it adorable and they're watching each other so closely the whole time like this and aauuuuhhggggg it's so vulnerable and sweet.

that's how it feels to me anyway and why I'm so ???!!! watching them interact. and sidenote I'm so so glad Oscar is so steady and can celebrate Lando no matter what. bc Lando admits he struggles with that in turn and after the many times it's been tested it's clearly never going to be something that breaks them before they can continue to get closer <3

[adimouze]

In your opinion is this it? It’s definitely over? I want to be positive because the complete silence around Checo doesn’t sit right with me, but seeing Daniel like that reminds me a little bit of 2022, even if I think he knows what his future will look like. Now we have Ted and The Race “backing up” Danny and I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad sign. Red Bull literally fucked everything up

I don't think Ted/The Race backing Daniel up means anything, they would happily shit on his corpse again if it means more engagement I just think they were either 1) told or 2) realized that Daniel's stats aren't shit, in fact he's almost equal to Yuki in race results, and that pushing forward with an "out by COTA" narrative would look bad if Daniel isn't actually out by COTA. So if they start putting out softer statements like this they can say "oh well WE never believed the rumours!"

And honestly nonny, I can't begin to predict what RBR is doing so if they go insane and get rid of him by COTA nothing i say now would matter. BUT I do work in corporate law and (while i did have a mental breakdown over the rumours an hour ago) I don't personally think they can easily get rid of Daniel like that. Mainly because --

Idk if VISA is daniel's personal sponsor per se but they seem to have adopted him as a brand ambassador for the VCARB project. They probably would have clauses that require Daniel's presence at sponsor events and marketing. These are all guesses and idk if it's true for Daniel but usually the contracts I work with have these expectations. They would have PAID either VCARB or Daniel himself for his presence at these events. COTA would be one major event they definitely planned other sponsorship events for. Cash App would get a boost and they would need Daniel's face for it. It would incur them losses to have to sacrifice a name like Daniel Ricciardo for the rookie.

I know F1 contracts are apparently the flimsiest in the world, but Bayer did mention Daniel does not have any KPIs or performance clauses. It did backfire on him at Mclaren but I would expect his team to at least have some experience in avoiding this fate? But like, he isn't even racking up costs like Logan and in a dire skewed H2H. Like @danthropologie said, they have upgrades coming up that would need people who have used the previous upgrades and know how they work to properly utilise feedback in.

Also lol. Don't think even RBR itself would allow a midseason dump to Daniel at this stage. Prodigal sons would not be allowed to suffer such an indignity, especially if they want his goodwill back at some point? Yeah they definitely threw him to the wolves this weekend but...I personally don't think they would pull the rug on Daniel like that halfway through a season. They would at least let him tell people first so he/his team/RBR can capitalise.

He's a very good distraction from the Checo of it all right now. Daniel effectively removed the fact that RBR is failing, losing the constructors, Max is at risk of leaving from the news cycle. 2025 is another matter.

So yeah. Based on that, I personally don't think Daniel will get replaced. However I'm only a liddol person and I am biased so a lot of what I just said may be based on how I feel personally it should work out.

I'm worried for Daniel in 2025. But COTA? Not necessarily. Again I don't know shit. But I think a lot of thoughts.

[moonlitkilljoy]

michie ficrecs!

hi!! i saw @24-guy asking for michie fic recs for what to reread and figured i’d just post the fic rec list i made for my friends :-) i’m making my own post because it has some fics written by 24-guy and i’d feel really weird recommending those directly to zem, but i figured someone else might also be interested fjdjfnd

i've split this list into completed fics and ongoing fics for your viewing pleasure, otherwise they're in no particular order :] let me know if there's any mistakes or misattributions, i didn't get anyone to proof read this for me before posting ^^;

enjoy!

COMPLETED:

Max Jagerman's Socks by lab_trash / @lab-trash

"Max's socks start getting interesting, to the point where people actually notice. They don't even look like stuff he'd own, really."

~4k words, 1 chapter, rated T; pure fluff, 5+1 things, a really cute and cozy secret relationship fic

Dangling from the edge by Olive_of_Vanders / @oliveofvanders

"On that fateful day at the Waylon place, a certain weeb saved the bully."

~1.5k words, 1 chapter, rated T; richie saves max's life at the waylon place, plus bonus points for the uncle paul headcanon :] i actually stumbled upon this while trying to remember which fics i’ve been meaning to rec but it's VERY good so i just had to include it

Near Death Panick by lab_trash / @lab-trash

"Max and Richie panic when Max almost dies and they forget they aren't alone."

~2.5k words, 1 chapter, rated G; richie saves max's life at the waylon place, with added secret relationship <3 a delight to read

Hatchetfield's Finest Breadsticks by KairiTheMango / @kairithemang0

"Richie was unsure if he regretted agreeing to be Max's Algebra tutor just yet, however out of the kindness of his heart (and deep down his desire to spend more time with him) he chose to take the job. How hard could it be really? Just a few hours of extra math, it wouldn't hurt anyone."

~1.5k words, 1 chapter, rated G; a short and sweet tutoring fic!!! real neat

class of 2021 by hatchetscandal

"living it, ten years were just that—ten long years. but looking back, ten years is simply the blink of an eye. or the hatchetfield high school class of 2021 is celebrating their ten year reunion, and things have changed drastically in that time."

~4k words, 1 chapter, rated T; cute future class-reunion fic :]

Michie short series - What the fuck happened last night by bonezthewriter

"Richie wakes up in the bed of Max Jagerman one fateful day. Follow them as they develop their relationship; and themselves."

series: ~5.5k words total, 4 works (4 chapters total), no ratings except for the last work (rated T); possible cw for misunderstandings of a somewhat sexual nature, nothing actually happens but they sure do convince themselves it did

Lost and Found by 24_GUY / @24-guy

"A Canon Divergent AU with Michie secret dating and a lot of suffering for Richie. (Less suffering in the sequel, I'm determined to have a happy ending.)"

series: ~21.5k words total, 2 works (18 chapters total), all works rated T; hurt/comfort + secret relationship, THIS ONE IS SO GOOD. it explores richie’s grief at losing max in a really interesting way and then manages to work in a happy ending <3 cw/tw for detailed depictions of the different stages of grief (especially depression)

cause i can’t help it if you look like an angel by pixelprotag / @milgram

"max finds a pretty cool cosplayer online. halloween rolls around, and it turns out he goes to his school."

~1.5k words, 1 chapter, rated T; a really cute fic surrounding the idea of richie doing cosplay, plus another win for "paul is richie's uncle" truthers :P

Paul Matthews and his many children by ThatStar_Guy

"Paul acquires his first adopted son when his sister kicks out his nephew, Richie, because of his sexuality. Richie goes to Paul for help, and he and Emma are glad to provide it. He acquires his second adopted son when Tom perishes in an explosion. Tim, having no other family, comes to live with them. He acquires his first unofficial son when Pete starts spending every day at his house. He acquires his first unofficial daughter when Ruth also spends every minute at his house. He acquires his second unofficial daughter when Grace starts dating Ruth. He acquires his first blood daughter with Emma when they are 32. He acquires his first son in law when Richie marries Max at 20. He acquires his first unofficial daughter in law when Pete marries Steph at 22. He acquires his first grandchild when Richie and Max adopt at 24. He acquires his first and second unofficial grandkids when Pete and Steph are 25."

~3k words, 1 chapter, rated G; a "paul is richie’s uncle” fic taken to the extreme in the absolute BEST way possible. mostly paul centric and focused on paul/emma, with background richie/max, grace/ruth, and pete/steph as far as ships go. THIS ONE IS OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITES!!! lots of Black Friday references

r/TrueOffMyChest by lab_trash / @lab-trash

"I (21m) am in love with my roommate and former bully victim (20m)"

~3k words, 1 chapter, rated G; future fic, in-universe reddit post format. this ones clever and addresses just how shitty Max was in highschool

Maybe We Can Find A Home Here by 24_GUY / @24-guy

"Max confides in Ruth once, and gets a family out of it."

~3k words, 1 chapter, rated T; a really cute ruth and max friendship fic. words cannot express how much i adore it :3

UNFINISHED:

Won't you pray for me? by Whowillprayforyou / @whowillprayforyou

"Max Jägerman is as straight as a board, as per the norm with being who he is. King of the school, Star quarterback. He's got one weakness, Repressed nerds, and thankfully Grace chasity isn't letting up any time soon. Imagine his surprise when his focus shifts to a different not so repressed nerd, after a life changing event. Even more shocking, said nerd is Richard Lipschitz."

~17k words, 5 chapters, no rating as of posting; richie saves max’s life at the waylon house, slow burn ensues <3 i'm literally obsessed with this one

Zeek: The Fighting Nighthawk by lab_trash / @lab-trash

"Max strikes up conversation with their school mascot without knowing who's under the costume. Richie just goes with it, even through that massive anxiety… which fades so quickly for some reason. He learns so much about Max, and he'd never seen him so relaxed before. It's not so bad."

~9k words, 4 chapters, rated T as of posting; secret identity shenaniganery >:] I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH. it's probably one of my favorite npmd fics. plus, this one has the “trevor is richie’s twin” headcanon in a really prominent way which the author executes really well

Car Lights by 24_GUY / @24-guy

"When Richie takes Amanda - his best friend's daughter and his goddaughter - to the grocery store to fill their day, he least expects to run into Max Jägerman of all people."

~36k words, 18 chapters, rated T as of posting; future fic with background steph/pete and some really sweet ruth and max friendship moments :3 I FUCKING ADORE THIS ONE!!! another great twin headcanon piece as well. it should be noted that i've been a dancer for 15 years and this is somewhat of a dancer au, so i may be biased

Beanies by lab_trash / @lab-trash

"As soon as Max turned 16, his father began berating him to get a job so he could pay rent for his room. Actually, that’s a lie. It started a couple weeks before he turned 16. To “give him time.” He actually expected Max to have a job as soon as he was 16. It wasn’t so bad at first, since he didn’t have school and he could manage his part-time job and whatever sport practice he had going on at that time. But once the school year started… Max was always a bully. But in his junior year, he became a literal monster. OR: Max works at Beanies and accidentally sort of makes friends with a regular customer who just happens to be a nerd."

~16k words, 9 chapters, rated G as of posting; paul is richies uncle and theres a background focus on paul/emma. probably my all time favorite michie fic— lotta well thought out references to the other musicals. i've been rereading at least part of it every day for the last couple days, its just that good

thanks for reading!!

feel free to drop into my ask box to talk about any of these or just hatchetfield stuff in general ^w^ have a lovely day/night

[midnightsimpsstuff]

A LUNATIC'S BRIDE

Summary: You are Joker's new obsession even though you truly do not want him.

Word count: 1.6k

a/n: I just imagined this as I was listening to Gangsta by Kehlani and I got an idea so I hope you guys love it.

Being Bruce Wayne's assistant had its perks, but the perks started during your third year of working with him. That included allowing you max out his card on dresses to accompany him to galas, being seen with him in public, knowing he's batman, training because in a way you are now at threat.

It was a fun lifestyle, if you remove having to drive like a lunatic when paparazzi is getting out of hand, and babysitting his adopted and biological sons when he can't take care of them; which is very weird because Dick is older than you, or waking up at early hours of the day to go to his house and make sure he gets ready then the worst of all, obsessed villains that think getting you or getting rid of you is the only way Batman would love them and you would have to show your fighting skills that is always unfair because there are always more of them than you.

But the worst of all the lunatics has to be the Joker, you were terrified of him, mainly because he loved you, almost as much as he loved his 'Batsy' and he really loved his Batsy.

A little around the time he broke up with Harley Quinn was the time you began working with Bruce, and when he saw both of you standing together he 'didn't know who to choose from' he would tell you a couple months later when he first kidnapped you.

It got to the point when he is fighting batman he would say dumb shit like "Bring our wife with you next time" which you purposely decided the fact he called you his wife and only think about the fact he also called you Bruce Wayne's wife, but he was far to old for you sadly, both of them were actually but that didn't stop you from blushing the first few times and neither did it stop Joker from flirting with you every chance he got.

Maybe it's leaving flowers with a note at your front door, flowers that have a camera inside so he can watch you from where he is. Obviously Bruce also has gotten many of them, so when he found himself at your apartment waiting for you to get ready, he told you to throw them out and when you asked why, let's just say you never accepted flowers from anyone again when you received a text message from an unsaved number asking why you threw away his love for you.

You were walking on your own a couple of months after that, on your way to the Wayne manor, it was very early and Alfred wasn't available to carry you with the limousine so you had to walk. You forgot to take your guard dog with you so you were suffering your consequences when you were dragged into an alleyway by some weirdo touching you inappropriately saying something about boss saying they should see if you're good enough.

Luckily, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy had come to your rescue, immediately killing the man and befriending you but what Harley had told you was by far scarier than the sad predicament you just got into, "Girl, you have to protect yourself more, you know you are now the lunatic's bride. He might love you as much as he love his batsy."

You thanked them before rushing to work, this time in a cab, now with a borrowed gun from Ivy just incase the driver is also a worker from the Joker.

You were undeniably late for the day, you were supposed to wake up Bruce Wayne with Alfred as you brief him with what he is supposed to do and help him get dressed.

But when you had came, he was still in a towel, luckily done having his bath but not dressed, saying something about waiting for you because you always make him look his best.

As you were getting him ready, you two engaged in the short conversations you would usually have, and you realise it was your mistake entirely when you had spilled to Bruce about what had happened that morning and you knew it even more when you had to attend to Bruce's injuries from when he went to beat up Joker and felt worse when he had kidnapped you and beat you up the same way Batman had beat him. Although he tended to your scars after it didn't make it any better, especially because he wasn't being careful because you never told him where Harley was.

When Nightwing had come to save you, you were a shaking mess, he was happy you looked better than his brother did but he knew you were going to be scarred for life with what just happened, after beating up the Joker's henchmen he went away with you crying in his arms saying something about wanting to quit.

He reassured you all would be fine, but you both knew you weren't sure about it but you allowed him deceive you as you both scaled buildings before you finally found yourself in your home, still terrified and shaking you begged him to stay with you.

And you looked so shakined up that he couldn't refuse, that's when you both realised you had a lot in common and you two learned to enjoy each other's company.

Bruce let you take a break because he felt truly sorry for you and all the sixty days of that break you spent it with Dick, realising how fun he truly could be, simply enjoying you boths company.

He told you about his long-distance open relationship wife, Starfire, and you told him about the fact you don't date just fuck around from time to time.

That was the day you both first had sex with each other, it was great you'd both tell each other the next day, but when you find out Joker kidnapped Nightwing and tortured him a bit before Dick found a way to escape you both knew you could never do that again, but that didn't stop you.

You became even stronger by time went by, you and Dick began dating along the way, you felt bad for his wife that was on another planet entirely but when you finally met her she told you that it was perfectly fine that she was happy for you both.

But she had kissed you which was really weird but you found out it's just her way of communication and you had to fight the urge to not ask her to do it again because your dating her husband but when she kissed you again you knew your life was just crazy.

Joker kidnapped you that very day Starfire went back to her planet after you guy's platonic make out session and put laughing gas on you as he forcefully made out with you, he tried to rape you that very moment, he had began laying hickeys when Batman and Robin had come in and began beating him and his henchmen up.

Damian recognised you immediately and felt sympathy for one of the first times in his life, you didn't deserve this, his baby sitter, his kind of sister-in-law and his friend he brutally killed most of the henchmen leaving the others hurt.

Batman would scold him later that they were heroes and heroes don't kill, he wouldn't listen, throw in a "They deserved it" and go upstairs.

As your at home trying to heal, Harley and Ivy would come over and let you cry on their shoulders, you couldn't bring it in you to see Dick, but he understood.

Harley helped you get rid of the hickeys that had decided to not go, that reminded you of the pain you had just felt and you all would hug then cuddle while licking ice cream and watching a rom-com.

When you finally gained the courage to see Dick he engulfed you in a big hug and said he wasn't mad that it wasn't your fault, and it would make all the tears come back to you and he would comfort you to sleep before giving you hickeys of his own to help you forget.

Later on you would find out Bruce had sex with the Joker to get him off your tail it had worked and the Joker stopped disturbing you for such a long time that Dick was able to propose to you and you two were engaged when Joker came looking for you again.

This time you were ready though, as he tried to kidnap you with his disguises you shot him and walked away. Joker obviously didn't die but he knew he had ruined you for life and that was all he truly wanted.

For you to be ruined, for you to be corrupted and destroyed by him, and he laughed as his henchmen patched him off and he laughed when he got a life sentence for all the shit he had put you through.

He ended up escaping jail, of course he did but he never disturbed you again but he knew you would never forget him ever in your life.

And that was all he wanted, for his bride to be a lunatic, he gifted you flowers on your wedding day. Flowers that you burnt and you didn't know he was watching you burn them with a smile on your face but a smile on his face too. He had finally gotten what he wanted.

As he opened a random creepy book of his that he was gifted. "Burning flowers, a sign of love and devotion" he knew he had won, he knew he had gotten everything he could have ever wanted.

The good part of you.

[crying-fantasies]

Parenting group

Masterlist

How the whole trine is involved with Max and her development, because yes, everyone of them had a part on raising and forming her during her beautiful youth.

And, just like the title dictates, they go for something similar to a whole parenting group, I like the general HC where trines rise their young together not only to balance their resources but also for time and experience, every component of the trine giving their own experience (be it in battle, arts, politics, etc.) which in union will bring up a decent and respectable mech; now, this are TC, Sky and Star, and we all can agree they can't even choose something similar and most of the times it ends up with Starscream dragging the other two in what he believes it's the best course of action, each one of the members have their own views and objectives on how to raise Max and, even if Star wants it or not, you are also included since you're TC's prospect of conjunx or whatever.

The most important part, at least in their perspective while you were thinking about kindergartens that could take your child, was the necessity to give the little baby a fitting designation.

Thundercracker, as the mentor, obviously used his right to call her "Maxima", because he wished for her to live and experience all there is in this or any planet, professing such poetry while holding the infant on his servo, so, the other half of the name was open for the other two as you just called her "Max".

Did they get a raise out of it.

"Imperator Maxima"

"What's with that, Sky?"

"I saw it in a movie", TC laughed, goading Sky who just the other day said he found human movies lame, "there was this human femme, I want Maxima to be like that".

Starscream found out what Imperator meant, and he didn't like it, so via alien ZOOM he got his point, "I prefer Maxima Rex", of course, Starscream wasn't familiar with the term of "rex" or "T. Rex" since he didn't spend so much time on earth to begin with, Thundercracker, for a good moment, believed he was expressing his desire to call their youngling after one of the best detectives with four paws in all of TV history, Skywarp, for another part, found hilarious the choice while remembering the time Starscream was almost eaten alive by Grimlock, while the very one Star was denying anyone from having a title such of one of an emperor when he only got the title of ruler.

So Maxima Rex it was.

And you had another headache trying to put on the legal papers for it to really work, hearing the ruckus the other two did while being confronted by the sheer absurdity of human laws and how could it be possible for humanity to not allow their designations to be part of Maxima adoption certificate.

Humans were so barbaric, really.

"We'll teach her to fly one of those metal carcasses, she'll destroy all her enemies"

"She must grown more, her little pedes and servos won't reach the handle or whatever is inside properly"

"So slow! Mentoring such thing must show only the best results for all my invested time!"

Buster had to put her paw in silent understanding on your lap even if she didn't quite grasp your current situation, because of course humans and vosians got different points of view in parenting methods or what was important in every stage of life.

[pinkeoni]

Dustin’s Absent Father and the Effects on His Character

Here’s something I don’t think I’ve made before, it’s a Dustin analysis!

In season 2 we are introduced to Dustin’s mom, as well as the lack of Dustin’s father. It’s not hammered over the head or anything, but it’s there. We aren’t explicitly told what happened to him, and we don’t necessarily need to be told. There are plenty of kids who live in single parent households, and we don’t need to hear the details of this story to understand it. However, the show may be telling us in subtle ways how this effects Dustin, and also what exactly happened to him.

The absense of Dustin’s father seems to make him reach out to others as a replacement father, as well as want to become a good caregiver himself. He does both of these things in season 2, where he simultaneously becomes a adoptive father of D’Art as well as seeks out Steve Harrington as a surrogate father figure (whether he was conscious of this or not)

I think that Dustin’s dedication to D’Art may give some insight as to what happened to his father, or at least, how his father’s absence has affected him. When everyone is arguing about what to do with D’Art, Dustin blurts out this telling line:

I believe that this line may be a projection of Dustin’s personal experience when it came to his father. He promised that he would take care of Dustin, but ended up leaving and/or possibly even dying. Either way, he still left in some capacity and was unable to fulfill that promise.

Dustin says to Mike that he moved to Hawkins in the fourth grade, so I’m willing to bet that his father left and him and his mom moved because of this. This happens to families all the time where they have to relocate because a major source of income has left. We see this happen with Max and her mom in season 4 when they downsize after her step-father leaves. The Henderson’s do seem financially stable though, not as well off as the Wheelers or Sinclairs, but more money than the Byers or the Mayfeilds. I’m willing to bet that Claudia works too, based on her wardrobe. She often dresses in collared shirts and either pants or a skirt with tights underneath, outfits befitting of office-like job.

When Dustin interacts with Claudia, it feels a little different than how other characters like Mike or Will interact with their moms. He’s not as mama’s boy as Will is nor does he argue with her as much as Mike does with Karen. Their interactions are friend-like, almost as if Dustin views her as another one of his friends and less his mom. I think about the scene in the beginning of s2 where Dustin is searching for coins, and he makes weird noises to mock his mom. I’m about to make a wierd comparison, but their dynamic reminds me a little bit of Eric Cartman and his mom from South Park.

Now OBVIOUSLY Dustin is not mean towards or controlling of his mother like Cartman is, but both are single-mom and only child households, and Cartman also sometimes talks to his mom in a similar way that he would talk to his friends, while his mom is extremely loving and doting on him like Claudia is to Dustin. (Loose connection I know, but I’m trying to make a point 😭)

It’s almost like because of the lack of a strong male presence in the house, Dustin almost sees himself as equal with his mom. There isn’t another man that he sees as seperate from himself that establishes a power dynamic, if anything he sees himself the man of the house.

Dustin does however seek out that older male father figure, in both Steve and Eddie. Dustin goes to Steve as a bit of a last reaort, but I think he may have also subconsciously been seeking out and older male to protect him, similar to the role of a father. Off the bat, Steve's relationship with Dustin does begin pretty fatherly. Steve is giving Dustin dating advice, similar to how a parent might talk to their kid about dating. He then gives Dustin a ride to the Snow Ball, who has done his hair the way that Steve told him. We even see this right after we see Max’s mom helping her with her hair.

In season 3, their relationship shifts. Similar to how Dustin interacts with his mom, he now sees Steve as more of his friend rather than his father. He is on equal level with him. Their first interaction of the season is the two of them playing lightsaber with each other— their relationship has definitely shifted from father-son to big brother-little brother.

Dustin even gives dating advice to Steve now, except for the other way around. Dustin's status as a man with the girlfriend gives him a sense of superiority against the man who is effectively bitchless. However, I do think that Dustin is still seeking out that fatherly connection. Dustin goes to Steve after he has already been abandoned by the rest of his friends, something that was echoed with his real dad.

Once season 4 roles around, Dustin starts spending much more time with Eddie than he does with Steve, which is told to us through the dialogue. I think part of the reason why Dustin prefers Eddie over Steve is because Eddie is fulfilling the surrogate dad role better than Steve at this point. How is Eddie more fatherly than Steve? It's not that Eddie is more mature than Steve, but rather Eddie asserts a type of power in his relationship with both Dustin and Mike. He tells them that they are both his sheep and he is essentially their shepherd, or what could be interpreted in Dustin's mind as "You are my son, and I am your father." Eddie even dictates how they dress, what with the Hellfire shirts and whatnot. Eddie even uses the example of "Clothes that your mommy bought you at the goddamn Gap," creating another parent parallel. It’s similar to how Steve was instructing Dustin how to wear his hair.

I don't necessarily think that Mike sees Eddie as a dad but more as a role model that he wants to be like, which is shown through his hair and style shift that attempts to replicate Eddie. Dustin, however, DOES see him as a dad.

So then, if Dustin sees Eddie as replacement for his dad that left him, then that makes this scene all the more sad.

Which begs the question, did Dustin's real father die? There's no conclusive evidence (as far as I can tell) to suggest that he did, but there's also nothing to say that he didn't. If he did, it would definitely make Dustin experiencing the death of a father figure all the more tragic than it already was.

So what does this mean for Dustin's character going forward? I think that we might see a repeat of what happened in season 2, where Dustin steps into a caregiver like role. Not that he's going to get a new baby to replace D'Art, but rather he might assert himself as a protective figure, as to not lose anyone else to the Upside Down. Out of everyone, especially with his science knowledge and interest in research, that he would become the survivalist and the one most prepared to try and keep everyone safe, similar to a parent. No more failing anyone like D’Art, or losing anyone like his dad or Eddie.

[stoneyweezin]

when i think of a stereotypical stoner i think of pauly shore in encino man. like saying “don’t tax my gig so hardcore cruster” is my favorite thing in the world so… i present to you stoner!reader being adopted into the party (before argyle of course) and more than likely pissing off all the adults.

-

𝘋𝘖𝘕𝘛 𝘉𝘌 𝘚𝘜𝘊𝘏 𝘈 𝘚𝘘𝘜𝘈𝘙𝘌

not proofread

mentions of drug usage. reader is of age.

⋆⁺₊⋆☽⋆ ⋆☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆☽⋆ ⋆☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆☽⋆ ⋆☾⋆⁺₊⋆

first person to catch on to your antics was eddie.

he saw how you were the most functioning high person he’s ever seen.

specifically because his bud would have him pretty chilled out.

it was a dead giveaway after you all had basically fought in an alternate dimension and all you could say was

“these vibes are so grody.”

your tongue sticking out as you fake gagged

on the top side, they had entered the upside down through your closet, surprisingly. billy and steve standing watch, while simultaneously hating each other.

the room smelled like your favorite scent and weed.

steve knowing the smell all to well while it took billy a minute to catch on.

not really liking you or the party but mainly was in it to protect max and also himself from getting possessed again

he mainly didn’t like you because while he was in recovery you told him he looked like “sunshine in a bar”

whatever the hell that meant

but he took it wrong and from that point resented you and your stupid curly hair

speaking of your curly hair… you’d hide joints in it

eddie was jealous he hadn’t thought of it first

mainly picking into your fro hoping you had a spare, which resulted in you two slapping at each others hands like cats in an alleyway

joyce had pulled her humorous moments from you

enjoying how you panicked not so much compared to the rest of the group when things were getting hectic

hopper was sick and tired of you being an absolute ditz at times

you’d look at him with so much confusion when he’d speak, he felt his inner cop wanting out

“ hey hopper, my pal, i get you’re a narc but this is life or death here… i prefer going out with a lil kick in my system yeah?”

he couldn’t stand you and your teenage madness

el had her times where you made her laugh even though she was fighting for her life and others

“hear me out primo, you got some abilities nobody else has. now does that make us useful? not at all but we’ve got heart. we fight, you fight, it’s fair game.”

for some reason pep talks from a person buzzed out their mind was a lot more genuine

it was even once with billy, the brawn, didn’t want anyone to see him panicking about going into the creel house

feeling slight guilt about max being the target after all her trauma…

hence him almost dying

“you freaking out aren’t you?”

“fuck off.”

“hey don’t be so sharp! if it were up to me i’d have you smoked like a chimney but i get you’re struggling buddy.”

your hand would lazily lay on his shoulder as you two sat in front of the creel house

he’d lean into your hand unconsciously but ignoring the look on your face

when the earthquake happened, your house basically fell apart

steve offered you to stay in his house

his parents taking you in with crooked grins because of the fact you were clearly a stoner

it was nights after the earthquake where you’d lay on his floor and talk about everything

“i mean… el is pretty rad. she closed an entire gate to a world just because the chick was pissed creatures were fuckin with her friends.”

steve would nod as he watched you blabber

“if you had powers what would you have?”

your elbows would be at the edge of his bed, eyes gazing into his before his lips would go into a thoughtful flat line

“uh… i don’t know what’s that one power rogue has”

“that chick with the white piece in her hair? so a copycat”

“no not a copycat”

“soooo a copycat.”

you’d fall on the floor giggling at steve trying to save his reasoning

after everything you’d all often help out at the school, sometimes going out and looking for any survivors

obviously you and eddie would catch yourselves sparking up

billy wanting in but once in a blue moon, as well as steve.