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kingofpopmj · 5 months ago

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I'm The Light Of The World, I'll Feel Grand

June 24, 2009

Summary: Michael brings his wife and kids to work. He’s preparing for This Is It, his final tour, and his family can’t wait to watch in on rehearsals.

Pairings: Michael Jackson x Reader

Warnings: Family time, lots of fluff in the first half. The second half is a bit sad, but I wrote this based on what I feel Michael deserved from the world. This story is in a format that works if you only want to read the first half. (Stop reading at The Aftermath, if the sad part isn’t for you.)

*Y/N’s POV*

I smiled as I watched my husband struggling to untangle our daughter, Mavis’ leotard. There was so much tulle, his hands kept disappearing as he fought with the small clamps.

“Babe, do you need me to do it?”

“No, I got it.”

“Are you sure?” I teased.

“I am.” He winked at me, making me feel a rush of giddiness.

*flashback*

“Y/N? You haven’t said anything.”

“I’m not sure what to say. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“Neither was I, but here we are.”

“Are you sure?”

“Are you not?” He shot back.

“I am.”

*end of flashback*

“Mom!” Carver, our son’s voice carried through the house, I rushed down the hallway to his room. “He won’t give it back!” He pointed angrily at his younger brother.

“Idris, sweetie, give your brother his shoe.” I bit back a laugh, crossing my arms and leaning against the doorframe.

“He started it! Mom, he hid my pants!”

“Boys, we need to leave soon. Daddy has to be at work. Please finish getting ready. No more stealing each other’s clothing.”

“Fine.” Carver stretched, feeling around the top shelf of his bookcase, revealing blue jeans. “Trade?” The two boys quickly snatched their belongings and backed away from one another.

“Thank you.” I spun around, I had to finish getting ready myself and make breakfast, walking down the hallway I run into our daughter Sade, wearing my high heels. “What do we have here?”

“Hi mommy.” She giggled, she had her daddy’s smile. The perfect smile.

“How about we make a deal. You wear your own shoes and I’ll let you pick out anything of mommy’s to wear today.”

“Yes!” She kicked off my heels, sprinting over to my closet. “This one!”

“Yeah?” I saw the sparkly white clutch she selected. “This was a gift from your daddy, when he took me to the Grammy Awards with him.”

“Really?” Her eyes went wide, she loved hearing our stories.

“Yes.”

“When?” She asked excitedly, tugging at my arm, she pulled me over to the loveseat, waiting for more details.

“It was in 1984.”

“What’s this?” She pulled out a necklace. “Did daddy give this to you too?”

“Yes—”

“Tell me everything!” She interrupted me, kicking her feet happily.

*flashback*

“I got you something” Michael smiled, I love his smile.

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“Open it.” He was growing impatient. I knew he wanted to see my reaction to his gift.

“Oh— wow.” The box held inside of it the most beautiful clutch purse. It was white and had intricate beading all along the surface. It matched my dress perfectly. “Michael.” I was speechless. “It’s beautiful. Thank you so much.” I threw my arms around him. There was nothing I loved more than being in his arms.

“Y/N.” He pulled away, his hand reached up to my chin to look into my eyes. “Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

I stared at him blankly. I couldn’t explain how those words made me feel. Especially, coming from him. He was my everything and he didn’t even know it.

“You—”

“Yes. I love you.” He interrupted me, knowing exactly what I was thinking. He hated when I doubted myself.

“I love you.”

“Yeah?” He asked me with a nervous smile spreading across his face. I nodded quickly, leaning into his chest. “Look.” He pulled a locket out of his pocket, the shiny gold finish was stunning, but when I realized it was much more than that my heart began pounding faster.

“It’s our names.” My thumb glided over the engraving.

“Yes. I have a matching one.” He pointed to his chest, where it dangled, clipped to his blue bedazzled jacket. “And if you look on the other side, I left an open space.”

“For?”

“For our children’s names.”

“You really thought of everything.” I stated simply, trying to conceal the deep blush heating up my face. His words had such an effect on me. They always did.

“For you, I think of everything. I have a plan now.”

“Can I know the plan?”

“You’re going to be my wife one day. God willing we will have a big beautiful family. I’ll wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life.”

“That sounds like a wonderful plan.”

*end of flashback*

“Ta-da!” Michael cheered, entering the room with our daughter by his side.

“I want to be a ballerina too!” Sade pouted, seeing her twin sister dressed up and holding daddy’s hand was just too much.

“Come on. Let’s get you in your leotard and tiara your highness.” Michael held his hand out, which she gladly took.

“Mommy!” She turned around, pointing her little finger at me. “I want to hear the rest of the story later.” I nodded as she tiptoed out the room.

I took the opportunity to check on our eldest daughters, Naila and Kya. After checking their rooms, which turned out to be empty, I knew exactly where they were. I made my way downstairs, the smell of eggs hit me immediately.

“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite chefs.” I smiled, kissing them both on the top of their heads. “What are you preparing for us today?”

“I’m making pancakes, eggs and bacon. Ky is on smoothie duty.”

“It smells delicious. Do you need any help?”

“Can we pack lunches? So we can have a picnic in the arena like we used to when we were little?” Kya spoke, smiling nervously, tying her hair up.

“I love that idea. I’m not sure we have time to pack lunches. We can pick up—”

“Pizza?!”

“Yes.” My girls gave each other a high five before breaking out in a celebratory dance.

“Check this out!” Our youngest son, Johan ran into the kitchen with sock covered feet, spinning quickly then dropping to his knees.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself. Again.” Naila teased.

“Dad does it. He doesn’t get hurt.” He stood up, rubbing his knees discreetly.

“He’s a professional.” She shot back.

“Yeah, well— you’re a butt.”

“Okay, okay, apologize to your sister then go get some shoes on.” I hugged him, tickling his under arms.

“Sorry Naaillaaaaa.” He said through his laughter.

“Food is ready mom.”

“You should do the honors honey.” I moved to set the table as I saw a big smile spread across Naila’s face.

*Michael’s POV*

“Attention Jackson household, breakfast is ready you fools! Get downstairs now if you want to eat.” Naila announced from downstairs.

“Fools?” Mavis and Sade repeated confused, I bit my lip, shaking my head.

“She’s just teasing.”

“Daddy, can we dance with you today?”

“Yes, babygirl you can always dance with me.”

“I want to sing with you.”

“I’d love that.” I beamed at the idea of having them on stage with me. They made me so happy. “Now, let’s go eat! I’ll race you!” I took off down the hall.

“That’s not fair we got little legs!”

They were laughing, chasing me closely, I stopped at the stairs, holding their hands as we descended the steps.

“Hey babe.” I moved to kiss my wife. “Is everyone else down here?”

“Yes, you’re late.” Her hands rested on my chest, looking up at me with those beautiful eyes.

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to punish me later.” I whispered in her ear.

“Can you guys not?” Carver complained, covering his eyes.

“Look away kid.” I shot back, kissing Y/N’s cheek repeatedly, her giggles filling the kitchen.

Breakfast went smoothly. The kids were really excited for the day. We were all buckled up in the limousine we had for the day, when Johan spoke up.

“Daddy, are those guys gonna follow us again?” He was referring to the paparazzi. They get pretty intense sometimes.

“Yes, I’m sorry, it’ll only be for a little while.”

“Can I wear my wolf mask?”

“Of course.” Ever since I showed him the Thriller short film he’s been convinced he’s part werewolf. And, I just don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise.

Our driver turned the car on, moving down our long driveway, I watched as the tall gates opened slowly, the sun was shining brightly in a clear blue sky. It was a perfect day.

“Are all the backup singers and dancers going to be there?” Carver asked.

“Yes. The entire crew, so we will all be on our best behavior, correct?” I was met with eight smiles, nodding in agreement.

“I still say you should’ve let me sit in on the dancers auditions.”

“Why is that?”

“They’re really pretty.”

“The auditions were held to help find the best dancers for the job, not to find you a date.”

“Dad, two birds, one stone.”

“You sound like you’re Uncle Randy.” He lifted his chin, smiling brightly. “Yeah, that’s not a compliment.”

“Burn!” Naila clapped obnoxiously, she loves when I tease anyone but her.

My wife was seated next to me, holding my hand as we watched our kids joke around with each other. I never thought I’d have this. I’m a husband and a father. My most precious of dreams came true and I still struggle to believe it’s real.

“I love you.” I said to Y/N, bringing her hand to my lips.

“I love you.” She looked back at me, her stare still made me feel flustered. After all these years the effect she has on me has only grown stronger with each passing day. I don’t understand how it’s possible, but I’ve come to understand that with her, anything is possible.

Thankfully, when we arrived at the Staples Center the local police department had already enforced a barricade, so all we had to do was run inside. It felt like deja-vu, all of the musicians that I’ve worked with throughout my career, a few new faces, but, nonetheless, a bittersweet feeling.

“The kids are beautiful.” Siedah complimented, hugging Y/N and I. “They are so sweet. I’ve missed them.”

“Thank you.” Y/N replied, glancing at them as they danced around the stage.

“They were excited to see their Aunt Sid.”

“Good. It’s going to be so fun, all of us in London together.”

“They can’t wait. This is the first time for our youngest to see their dad perform, so I’m a little nervous.”

“Nothing to be nervous about.” Kenny Ortega cut in, clapping his hand on my shoulder. “The stage is set. Everything is perfect. There is one problem though.”

“What is it?”

“We don’t have anyone to test out the cherry picker.”

“Cherry picker!” One of the kids yelled as they all rushed over.

“Oh no.” Y/N looked at me nervously.

“Can we please come with you dad?” Johan begged, tugging at my shirt. “Please!”

I made eye contact with my wife, panicking over the fact that we completely forgot to talk this over. She shrugged, knowing they weren’t going to no for an answer.

“Okay, but one at a time.” She said sternly. “You have to be careful.”

“Awesome!” Our youngest twins celebrated.

“I want to go first!” Khari raised his hand.

“Hold on, I don’t want any fighting, you guys have to draw straws or something, make it fair.”

“Yes!” They scurried off and my wife laughed, shaking her head.

“I’m surprised you said yes.” I put my arm around her.

“Well, they were excited. Plus, I can’t exactly tell them they can’t do something I’ve done plenty of times.”

“Good point.”

“They’ll be with you, so they’ll be safe.”

“Exactly.”

“We used to ride it all the time, remember?”

“Yes dear, I remember that wasn’t all you rode.” I whispered flirtatiously against her cheek.

“Michael!” The whisper shouted, pinching my butt. “You’re so bad.”

“That was a good one. You’ve got to admit it.”

“Mhmm.” She smirked, leaning into my embrace.

Before I knew it, the kids were running back to us, screaming frantically that they were ready for the cherry picker.

Our eleven year old, Khari was first to accompany me. The biggest smile on his face the whole time. We waved down at Y/N, his siblings and the crew. Out of all the times I’ve ridden a cherry picker, which is many, nothing will ever top experiencing it with my kids. These are my favorite cherry picker moments.

“Will they have pizza in London?” Sade asked curiously, tomato sauce all over her face.

“Yes.”

“Cool.”

“I want to dance on stage with you and Uncles.” Mavis stated, that’s how she did things, she said what she wanted and didn’t asked questions.

“Maybe we can arrange that.” I smiled wide, pinching her cheek. Y/N looked at me surprised, but we always knew that the kids would be in the spotlight. We could only hold it off for so long.

“I’d get tickets to see that.” My wife clapped.

“My number one fan.” I leaned forward to kiss her, earning a few groans from our children.

“Dad, it was awesome! I can’t wait to see rehearsals again tomorrow.” Naila complimented.

“You really want to come again?”

“Yes.”

“Totally, there’s zombies here!” Khari yelled.

“Plus, Auntie Siedah gives us marshmallows when we do vocal warm ups with her.” Kya did her little happy dance, taking another bite of her cheesy bread.

“That would mean the world to me.” They mean the world to me. They are my world. They are the reason I wake up every morning with a smile on my face.

“Dad, you’re the coolest! I can’t wait until I can dance like you.” Mavis gave me a thumbs up.

“Thank you honey. And, you already do dance like me. All of you do. It’s in your DNA.”

“I’m getting better at my moonwalk, but you’re still the best.” Carver commented.

“You know, your mom is a pretty good dancer too.” I laughed loudly as my wife hid behind me while our kids screamed in surprise.

“Dad, you’ve never told us. What was it like before we were born? Touring?” Naila questioned, a nervous smile on her face.

“It was fun. Honestly, I’ve never loved touring, but a few things made it worth while.”

“Like what?”

“Luckily, I had your mom. She brought a lot of joy, she was always there for me and it was an added bonus to be able to travel the world with my favorite person.”

“Do you think— what if we— what if it’s not as fun with us there?”

“Are you crazy? It’ll be even better! The eight of you make everything better.” Y/N nodded along as I explained.

Today, was hands down the best rehearsals I’ve ever experienced. My family is definitely my good luck charm.

“You’re going to have some stunt doubles for tomorrow.” Y/N giggled, clearing her throat before finishing her announcement. “Please, put your hands together for Carver, Naila, Kya, Idris, Khari, Mavis, Sade and Johan, The Jacksons!”

She stepped aside, giving the kids space to run into the room, dressed in different clothing items inspired by my career. It left me absolutely speechless.

“Wow.”

“The costume department helped us out.” My wife said, walking over to sit beside me on the couch.

“Do I look cool dad?” Johan asked.

“Yes, you look better than me!” He was wearing a little white suit like the one I wore for Smooth Criminal. “Wow. You really surprised me”

“Good. It was tough to keep a secret.” Y/N said, leaning her head on my shoulder.

“I’m sleeping in this.” Sade said, she was wearing the black and white Thriller jacket.

“Sure.” I chuckled. “I’m not sure it’ll be that comfortable.”

“It looks cool. That’s what matters.” She snapped her fingers, grinning at her mother and I.

I sat back in awe, thanking god for the blessings in front of me. I couldn’t imagine my life without my babies. We spent another hour together, laughing and playing games until it was time for bed. I had to explain how important it was to get a full nights rest, especially on rehearsal days. I tucked in my kids, kissing them all on the forehead and reading short stories to our youngest before climbing into bed with my beautiful wife.

I couldn’t contain the happiness in my heart. The excitement of another day surrounded by love kept me awake. I prayed everyday could be like this. I love my wife. I love my kids.

I couldn’t wait for morning to come and wake up to the light from the sun rising.

Tomorrow was just a few hours away.

The Aftermath...

June 26th, 2009

*Y/N’s POV*

I sat in the living room, watching as Katherine, LaToya and Janet played outside with our younger children. They didn’t understand what was going on, I knew they’d start asking questions very soon. I was determined to be strong enough to explain it to them, but for now I had to fight to keep it together in front of them. I had to be strong.

“Mom, look dad is on the cover.” Our eldest twins, Naila and Carver, sat on either side of me, placing a newspaper in my lap. Kya and Idris followed behind, sitting at my feet. They were surrounding me with love and protection. Whether they knew it or not, they were my strength.

“You guys, you shouldn’t read—”

“It’s actually beautiful.” Naila cut me off softly. “They said a lot about dad. I didn’t even know half of it— I think you should read it too.” She sniffled, leaning her head on my shoulder. I quickly wrapped my arm around her.

“I haven’t read it— haven’t been able to get through it on my own. Can I read it out loud for us?” Carver squeezed my hand, passing his sister tissues.

“Yeah, I want to hear it.” Kya spoke, Idris nodding in agreement.

“Go ahead.” I whispered.

“That’s so cool. Dad really did all of that?” Carver questioned, leaning back into the couch.

“Yes, he did.”

“He always told us stories, but I thought he was joking, like when he said him and Auntie Janet filmed the Scream video in space.” Idris laughed sadly, playing with his shoelaces.

“He always told you guys the truth, however he did enjoy sprinkling in some jokes.” I smiled, looking down at the photo of the front page.

“Wait.” Kya spoke up, staring at us suspiciously. “Who’s the inside source?”

“Honey, that’s just something they say, it was probably dad’s people. Sometimes they have to speak to the media.”

“Oh.” She threw her hands in the air. “I thought I was breaking bread with a snitch.”

“There’s no snitches here. Relax. People are going to be very curious about you. All of you. This little piece of our lives might hold them off for a bit.”

“What do you mean?” Idris asked, judging from the confused looks I was getting, it was easy to assume they all needed clarification.

“Dad, he means so much to his fans. They are going to want to know you guys better. It’ll be overwhelming at times, but they mean well. Think of it this way, their love for dad is so pure, so powerful, there’s enough to go around. The way they care, support and protect him is being extended to you.”

“What about you?” Carver’s voice softened.

“I’m included.”

“Do we have to speak in front of everyone?” Naila questioned, her voice was a bit shaky.

“Yeah, are we all speaking at the— at dad’s— the event.” Kya finished, struggling to say memorial service. I understood.

“You don’t have to speak, I know it’s a lot to process right now, but if you want to, I’ll support that.”

July 7th, 2009

“Y/N?” I felt a hand on my shoulder, I blinked rapidly, trying to understand what was going on. Chris Tucker was standing in front of me, a sad smile on his face. “I’ll walk you up there.”

I took a moment to glance around, so many faces, some I knew some I didn’t. A sea of black wardrobe confirmed my nightmare. My eyes landed on Katherine, my mother-in-law. She stood up, her hand gently taking mine, pulling me into her.

“He’ll always be with you. He’ll always be able to hear you. This is for you— tell the world what he meant to you. He was more— he was special.” I thought to myself was that doesn’t feel right. It’s not right. “Tell them how much you loved my boy. How much he loved you and his babies. Do it for them.” I swallowed hard loved isn’t right. This is all wrong. She looked over at our children, her grandchildren. They each had a different expression on their face, each one unreadable.

This can’t be happening.

I took Chris’ arm, he’s godfather to our youngest and has been a dear friend of ours for many years. The short walk up the steps felt unbearable. The shine from the gold casket off to the side, calling for my attention, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t look.

“Can you stay?” I asked like a scared child.

“Of course.” He nodded, standing beside me.

My hand moving to touch the microphone briefly, the cold plastic sent a shock through my fingers— it’s real. This is real.

“Hello, thank you all for being here this morning.” I paused, turning my head slightly to see a giant screen displaying a picture of my husband. He’s smiling. I love his smile. I took that picture, in 1993. “My Michael— Michael.” I stopped again, taking a deep breath, before starting again. “My husband, Michael, the incredible man that gave me eight beautiful children and a lifetime of memories. My best friend.” My throat started closing up, so I took another deep breath. “Michael and I met when we were six years old. After weeks of shyly smiling and waving at one another. Finally, one of us built up the courage on a random Saturday afternoon, unfortunately, it wasn’t me.” I chuckled softly at the memory. “An incessant tapping came from my bedroom window. When I pushed back the curtains, I came face to face with the boy who lived across the street, he had a big grin on his face and he pointed to the latch. So, I quickly pushed the window open with his help, he titled his head as if to size me up, then asked, ‘You like water balloons?’ to which I crossed my arms and responded ‘You like water guns?’ he laughed, hard and his laugh, his sweet laugh, it was contagious.” I glanced down at our kids, trying like hell to keep it together. “We were inseparable from that point on.” I noticed our youngest Johan, hold his hand up as he kept his eyes locked on the screen behind me. I turned around to see a picture of Michael and I as teenagers. “That was our prom night. It took him ages to find the perfect tie to match my dress. Michael took me to my prom because he insisted I’d only have fun if I was with him. He was right. Many experiences in my life wouldn’t have been as memorable without Michael. He makes everything better.” I could feel him with me. I could feel him urging me to continue. “I knew I was in love with him, my heart knew before I did. We made a conscious decision, we chose one another long before understanding what that truly meant. He is my everything.” I closed my eyes, the pain in my heart brought my mind to an instant halt. My head hung low as I tried to find the strength to continue. A gentle applause filled my ears, leading me to believe I was daydreaming, until I felt a presence by my side, then someone took my hand. Nervously, I opened my eyes, seeing my children standing around me.

“We’re with you.” Carver spoke, hugging me tightly. “Can I speak after you? For dad.”

“Of course.”

“Me too.” Kya spoke.

“I want to tell daddy I love him.” Mavis stated.

“I want to talk to daddy too.” Johan reached up, silently asking for me to pick him up, so I did.

“Go ahead Carv.” He nodded, taking a deep breath while fixing his tie.

“Hello, my name is Carver, I’d like to thank every person in attendance today and those watching at home. The support from all over the world these past few days has meant a great deal to my family and I.” He fixed his tie once more, smiling down at the red band on his arm, just like his dad. “My dad, he’s many things to the world, but to me, he’s my hero. I was five years old when I first saw him perform. He was awesome. It was always unreal seeing him on stage, but I’ll never forget the first time. I think back to that day often and I could feel the emotions I felt as a five year old watching his hero. Although he’s an incredible talent, his dancing, singing, his everything. It’s just so incredible, so indescribable, but somehow, there is one thing he’s even better at. I don’t know how it’s possible to be this gifted in so many areas, but he is. He is an even better father than an entertainer. And I mean that in the best way possible. He’s untouchable in both fields. He’s the best dad. I love you dad and I miss you so much already.” Carver completed his speech, moving to stand next to me as Naila stepped forward.

“Hi, I’m Naila, thank for being here today to honor my father.” She was choking back tears, looking back at me for comfort, then continuing. “I wanted to say a few words about my dad. He was— is— he is so full of life. I just can’t talk about him in past tense. I just can’t. I refuse to. My dad, he’s always there for me, for all of us. My entire life, I’ve never gone a day without him. One of my favorite things about him is how much he taught us, he instilled the belief in us that knowledge is power and we should always be eager to learn. When I was six I started playing the piano, my dad was super excited about it, he used to joke about forming our own band with him and my siblings, although deep down I think he actually wanted it. I used to laugh along with him, telling him that would be embarrassing, but deep down I wanted nothing more than to play music with my dad— to hang out with him all the time. Even if it meant having to wear matching outfits like his Jackson 5 days. I’d do it. I’d do anything for him. Dad, thank you for everything— thank you for teaching me so much, loving me, being mom’s best friend, giving me seven siblings that are really annoying, but that I am very grateful for. I love you so much dad. I can’t wait to create music with you again someday. I love you.” She went to stand beside Chris, holding his hand and leaning into him.

I moved forward, Jo still in my arms, he was excited to speak.

“I’m Johan!” Our youngest yelled into the microphone, causing the crowd to laugh. “My dad is super cool, he makes the best scrambled eggs. He helped me paint my room blue and we built a tree house, so that’s cool too.” He smiled at me, looking more like his daddy by the second. “He taught me how to spin like him, play monopoly and floss.” He loved speaking into the microphone, so I let him keep going. “He tells the best stories. For my birthday this year, he told me I was half-werewolf, but it only happens when there’s a full moon. He showed me how to build the best forts out of pillows and sheets. It was super fun, we’d have slumber parties in the living room with all of us. It’s so fun, you should try it sometime. My dad said that he liked them, but slumber parties with mommy were even better.” I was shocked, the audience began laughing loudly, if only I realized before today that our youngest son was a natural comedian. “I love my daddy. I love him and I miss his hugs.” He turned to me, hugging my head. “Bye. I love you daddy. Mommy, I’m done. Do you think daddy heard me?” The microphone picked up his question. I assured him that he did a great job and daddy definitely heard.

“I’m Kya. I never understood who my dad was to the world, until a few months ago, when we watched him announce his This Is It Tour. He was really nervous, thinking the world forgot and moved on without him. I’m so glad this was one instance where he was completely wrong. Thousands of you showed up to see him, millions of you tuned into the broadcast and it put the biggest smile on his face. Dad had taken us to work with him, the day before—before he left us. That day, it’ll be my favorite day for the rest of my life.” She took a deep breath, turning to glance at us quickly, then staring at the bedazzled glove on her hand. “It was an entire day spent with the people I love most, my family. I’ll never laugh as much as I did that day. I’ll never sing and dance around the way I did that day. I’ll never be the same again because I’ll never understand why this happened. Why he was taken from us. Dad, I love you so much.” She spoke through the tears falling down her face. “I love you so much. You’re the best dad I could’ve asked for. I wish you were here.” She wiped her face. “There are so many memories with you that I’ll cherish forever. Especially, the ones of us dancing around the kitchen, waiting for our homemade cookies to be taken out of the oven. Dad, I promise I’ll try to make you proud. I’ll never forget you and I’ll never stop loving you. I love you.”

“I love you dad.” Idris said into the microphone with his eyes closed. “I promise to be the best I can be, like how you taught me. I’ll give mom extra hugs everyday for you.” His eyes still shut as he took a moment for himself. “I’m Idris by the way, my dad, he’s just the best. I hope that I’m at least half of who he was when I get older. The other half like my mom, because she’s the best too. She’s been really strong for us. I’m thankful that my dad met my mom a really long time ago when they were young. I’m happy that they made me. I’m happy that they’re my parents. Thank you. I love you dad. A lot.” I smiled timidly at his thoughtfulness, even though he called me old, it was a beautiful speech.

“Hi, I’m Khari.” He was staring intently at the banners hanging from the ceiling of the arena, pictures of his dad from different stages of his life. “I love my dad.” He spoke softly, tapping his fingers on the podium. “I don’t want to live in a world without him. I’ve never had to, but I already know it’s not the same. The world is better with him here.” He seemed to be playing a song in his head to help him get through his speech. “I don’t know what else to say. Dad, I love you. Thank you for being my dad.” Khari stepped down, grabbing the microphone to hold for his sister’s.

“I love you daddy.” Mavis smiled softly.

“I love you!” Sade added. “This much daddy.” She opened her arms wide, stretching them out as much as possible.

I hugged my kids tight, telling them how proud I was of each of them. How proud their daddy would be and how much their words meant to him. I knew I had more to say, but I accepted that I’ll never have enough time to say all I need to. I had to say more, even if it wasn’t everything, it was enough. For now, it was enough.

“Michael, I adore you. I always have, I always will. Thank you for coming into my life and making it better than I could have ever imagined. I thank you for giving me eight beautiful, amazing, perfect pieces of you. I wouldn’t be able to get through this without them. My best friend, my heart, my Michael, I love you.”

I stepped down from the podium, guiding my babies back to our seats. When I sat down, I felt relieved. Relieved that I spoke and that part was over, but that feeling didn’t last long. The pain of being without the love of my life and the fear of having to live life without him began to set in again.

“That was beautiful sunshine.” Katherine voice was usually soothing, but today it was broken.

“Mama Kay.” I smiled weakly, tears falling down my face. “Thank you, I love you.”

The rest of the service was a blur. I don’t remember the car ride home, but here we are.

“Mommy, can I sleep in your room tonight?” Johan asked sadly.

“Of course.”

“I want to sleep with you too.” Kya ran into me, wrapping her arms around my torso.

“I’d love that.”

“What if we—” Carver covered his face with his hand, his shoulders moving up and down. He slowly walked over to me, burying his face in my shoulder.

“It’s okay.” I said, holding back tears of my own.

“Can we build forts in the living room? So we can all spend the night together.” He added.

“Like a slumber party?” Mavis questioned.

“Kinda.” Carver replied. We all agreed to get ready for bed and meet again downstairs for bedtime.

Our bedroom was dark. I walked over to the bathroom, removing my jewelry until the only thing left was my engagement and wedding ring.

With small steps, I went to sit on our bed, never looking away from my rings.

*flashback*

“I’ve carried this ring around with me since I was eighteen.” He whispered. “It was the first big purchase I made, because for years I dreamt about it. I dreamt about you, about us.”

“In this moment, it doesn’t matter how long it took me not to be afraid. How long it took me to tell you I loved you. How long it took me to ask you to be my girl. I’ll kick myself for the rest of my life because of it, but I’ve learned so much from my stupidity as well— I don’t want to waste time. I refuse to waste another second.”

“Michael—”

“You need to know I never doubted my love for you. I was never unsure when it came to you. In fact, you’re the only thing I’ve ever been sure of. I only doubted myself— I was only unsure of myself because I never thought I’d be enough for you. I never thought I deserved you, I still don’t. If I wasn’t enough for you, nothing and no one else mattered— no one compares. I rather be alone. But, I’ve learned that it’s not about any of that. It’s about choosing one another, choosing to be enough and choosing to grow together.”

“You are enough, you’re more than enough.” I choked out.

“Because I’ve finally chosen to be enough.” He answered simply— confidently. “After years and years of pulling you in just to push you away, I’m choosing from now until my last moment on this earth— I choose you. My heart, my soul, my mind choose you. I’ve always been yours. This ring is just a formality at this point.” He quietly laughed. “Y/N, I love you, I love you so much. Will you marry me?”

Slowly, I knelt down in front of him, trying to compose myself enough to get any words out. Our eyes glassy, the sound of our breathing being taken over by sniffling as we reached out for each other with trembling hands.

“I adore you.” I cupped his face, leaning in to kiss him. The tears were falling down my face uncontrollably, causing the words to get stuck in my throat. “I love you. Michael, you’re everything. My everything. I love you so much. I’m yours. I always have been.”

“Is that a yes?” He spoke loudly, holding my face, his eyes frantically studying my expression.

“Y-yes!” My voice failing me as I answered him. Michael pulled me into him tightly, leaving kisses all over my face with intense speed.

"I was not expecting a proposal."

"I'm glad I could surprise you." He smiled, wiping my tears away with his thumb. "I should probably put this on you now. What do you think?" I nodded eagerly, holding out my shaky hand.

He brought my hand to his lips, leaving a kiss before sliding the ring on my finger. No words felt sufficient in describing how I was feeling. I felt his arms tighten around my waist lifting me off the floor, quickly I wrapped my legs around him, we took in the moment- this moment.

The thumping of his heartbeat, the scent of his aftershave, the smoothness of his skin, the curve of his lips. My focus moved from his lips to his eyes. He's looking back at me, adoringly, with that gaze that's reserved for only me. I'll never understand what I did to deserve him, but I know I'll never take him for granted.

*end of flashback*

I held my left hand to my chest, over my heart, it took me longer than expected to control my breathing again. I propped myself up on my elbow, looking at the other side of our bed, the empty side, his side.

I squeezed my eyes shut, imagining he was here with me.

“I love you.” My throat ached, but I pushed through the best I could. “My heart will always be yours. I promise to take care of the kids. I promise to raise them the right way and teach them all the values we planned to teach them together. I promise I’ll do my best everyday no matter how painful each day will be without you. I promise to never take these rings off. I promise—” I leaned my head on his pillow. “I promise I’ll always love you. I promise to keep going like you’d want me to until the day we reunite. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Then, for the first time since he left,

I heard Michael’s voice…

“Lovely, in all the ways I’ve pictured my life, you are always in it. You and I are inevitable. We are predestined. It’s in the stars. Everything in me chooses you. You are it. You’re the dream of all dreams. You’re my dream come true. I love you. I love you infinitely.”