#maurice is NOT dumb and boring by any means

[strangewomanactuallylargebass]

Julien DID NOT just mock Maurice like that

[clay-cuttlefish]

Back to this. I got sidetracked jumping around the spreadsheet and adding some random stuff, but hopefully I should hit the first Renee appearances tomorrow. I also have to track down a version of Death in the Family that has the foreword - it's by Tot and mentions Vic, and was mentioned in the letter column for 28, so it should fit somewhere in this chunk of issues on the spreadsheet.

Question #18

Here he is! I love Ollie and Vic's dynamic. They are so fascinating and so annoying.

You know you've fucked up when Ollie's calling you a dumbass.

I like how much breathing room this issue has. They get a lot of space to talk and highlight each other, which is a great foundation for the later GA crossovers.

Of the unsubtle 80s anti-gun GA stuff I've read (which isn't a lot but it's more than 0) this is one of the less interesting bits. At least it's short.

The panel composition on this issue is really well done. Making two guys talking in a truck into a pair of pages that make me pause to take them in is impressive.

#19

Vic choosing to get the doll fixed is a really strong moment.

Overall, the way Augie is treated is surprisingly good? It's definitely played for creepiness at first, but he's just a guy living a surprisingly decent life for Hub City, Vic tries to actually help him and doesn't judge him for being delusional, and he ends up totally fine.

The parallel between Vic's mask and Myra's makeup, and her choice to discard it, is just. Waugh. She's just as dedicated to trying to figure out the right thing as he is, but she's not hiding any of it!

Myra kissing Maurice is still a very weird moment.

Detective Comics - Fables part 1

Spectacularly terrible opening, 0/10.

It's so weird to see the Penguin after this long of a stretch without supervillains. Yeah Talia shows up first but she's way less gimmicky and the page is pretty calm. He's here in full force with the monocle and bird jokes.

Shiva <333

I don't believe for a fucking second that asking Vic is the best way Shiva can think of to find Batman. I really like it, don't get me wrong. Vic's hacker exposition about making a post on the internet is hilarious, calling Batman Pointy-Ears is hilarious, "Matins" is such a Catholicism Moment, it's good stuff. I just think this is way less likely to work than going to Gotham and punching cops until Batman shows up.

Oh my god this is such a stupid villain plot. What do you mean it doesn't affect people with high testosterone. What do you mean Bruce already knows what it is. Why does Ra's have that. Why would that be the effect you choose for this story.

I'm sure this Bruce and Talia plot is better when read in context but it's still some excellent drama. Love them.

...gender?

Green Arrow - Fables part 2

The overarching plot of Fables isn't good, the O-Sensei is a boring Orientalist stereotype, but all of the subplots are very strong examples of why I care about each series. Scrap the whole O-Sensei thing in the first two issues and just have it be Shiva picking fights and finding people to help someone she knows and it'd be better.

Dinahollie <3

I love getting to see Shiva doing her thing. She's so chill, it's fun to see her in her element :)

Dinahshiva <3

Shiva loves to put some weird little freak in a situation and see if it makes them better or worse, and it sucks she doesn't get to do that anymore.

Question - Fables part 3

All of these issues have great looks for Shiva. Style icon.

Hey, Vic's terrible secret identity came back to bite him!

"Van der Waal's equation" isn't complete technobabble - the Van der Waal's force is a decent explanation for a multi-use adhesive, at least by comic book standards, and would explain why the mask never seems "sticky" and why the chemistry on getting it to stay is so finicky.

It's interesting that Vic doesn't even try to get Shiva to not kill people. He might be self-sacrificing, but he's not that dumb.

Oh my god Bruce you are such a dramatic bitch.

I kinda see what they were going for with the O-Sensei here, at least. Still think it'd be better if he wasn't a ridiculous legendary fighter.

Drowning motif! Shiva's perspective is so interesting - she's able to do anything she puts the effort into, and she expects that to be true of everyone else.

#20

The cover layout is unique this issue, which is a neat touch.

I always like that characters get to say stuff that's sort of dumb. Vic no-selling Myra's joke about boomerang rocks is a nice reminder that they do really like and feel comfortable around each other, even when things are rough.

Honestly not a ton to say about this issue. It makes its point well, I like it.

In the letter pages: the return of Hair Discourse.

#21

This plotline's back!

He just like me fr (misreading signals on a date, resisting the urge to deck his high school classmates)

Seriously though, it's nice to get a look into Vic's very normal problems. Not everything wrong with him is related to being the Question.

This is one of my favourite single issues. I can't quite put words on why - everything about it just works, and there's nothing about it that I want to pick at.

#22

Election Day is the best arc in the run.

The opening spread is full of excellent expressions - Wesley's really lean into the more distorted and exaggerated end of Cowan's art, while Myra's are all subtle, exhausted frustration. I appreciate that she's consistently drawn with sunken cheeks and eye bags.

Maurice getting to be serious is a strong moment. He's been a good source of banter for Myra before this, so having him get invested and take the consequences seriously is a good way to ground the stakes, and to give Myra someone who's genuinely on her side without having to rely on Vic.

It's interesting that Shiva pays close enough attention to what Vic's up to on a regular basis that she'd know who to send. Even when she's not around, she still gets to drive the story.

#23

This issue got me the first time I read it. The history flashback is a weird choice, but it sets the tone perfectly, and the time constantly being shown is a throwback to the first issue that makes it feel super tense. So much of the series has long time skips, waiting to heal or get phone calls or for anything to happen, but now every minute counts. The news reports punctuating it work so well.

Vic dropping everything when he reads Tot's name is so...

Myra goes off, and she damn well deserves it. The difference in how her expressions feel between this and the opening of #22 is a testament to Cowan's work.

The quoting of a line from five pages ago is maybe a little unnecessary. These panels would stand perfectly well on their own.

#24

It's hard to make a deus ex machina feel "earned", but if anything does, it's this.

Kind of a dumb thing but who tells this story with a beaver? I'm not losing it, right, it's the Scorpion and the Frog?

The historical flashback turning out in Myra's favor is a fantastic bit of subversion. When I first read this, I was certain that Wesley was going to shoot Myra during the blackout, and Dinsmore dying and Myra talking about how bad winning felt made me lower my guard and think he might kill himself publicly instead. Funny how that works.

I didn't catch what he meant until the next issue on my first read (in my defence, I'm not American) but wow Wesley's not subtle about his assassination plans to anyone. I mean, I caught that much, but he's really not subtle.

Myra and Vic's relationship makes me want to explode. I just want them to be happy together! Aaaaa!

#25

Everything happens so much. The pace just does not let up.

Vic falls into bad habits, again, but he does a better job staying focused and not letting the anger take over - it's good development.

Wesley's death is everything the shitty racist cop issue fails to be. He's a sad, awful little man with a broken moral compass and a lot of enablers, and he dies refusing to recognize it.

The letters column: a woman wrote in a while back about how male comic fans are creeps and Vic still has some personal growth to do when it comes to being less sexist, and some men are being freaks about it. These fuckers haven't changed in thirty years.

#26

If I ignore the part of my brain that hates this as a Riddler story and pretend he's an OC, it's a fine breather issue. Unfortunately I am bad at doing that.

Some very caricature-y guest art this issue. It's a neat look in some panels, and sometimes it's more subtle, but a lot of it is scrungled enough that I can't take what's happening seriously.

this is Vic and Tot in the car, to me

Love that Tot takes stopping Vic from self-destructing into his own hands, and that Vic bitches but doesn't do anything stupid to try and stop him.

The idea of Vic chewing out the Riddler with more difficult questions is an interesting idea, but I don't love the effect of him monologuing about a bunch of pretty standard ~deep~ questions and well known koans, and the Riddler just going "yeah i'm afraid of those" is dumb.

I dunno - it feels like a bit of a waste for the one time Vic faces an established villain to be so meh. I like Sphinx, at least, and the reappearance of the drowning motif is cool.

#27

The weirdest issue, I think.

I really like all the Vic sections, and I'm not opposed to meta shit, but this is pretty jarring. Tot's weird cousin and his racist magic is not helping the tone of the Ditko callback.

I like that Tot has a weird cousin who was a bad comic artist. He has connections outside of Vic, they're just also weird as hell.

The Ditko callback is great. "You gotta pull me up." "Why?", and then the slow drop before Vic grabs him? Mwah. Perfect. I'm a sucker for this shit. Even when he's falling into bad habits, he's still a better person than he used to be!

#28

Shiva :)

Vic responding to Tot telling him not to lie to himself by suddenly gaining sunglasses kills the mood a bit, but it's also very good. What is wrong with him.

Myra wakes up from a coma, ditches the hospital, and immediately makes a very risky plan. Good for her.

Everyone's in top form this issue, it's great.

[mccall-me-maurice]

Goddamn another long ass post, don’t ask me why

So as I’ve noticed, a lot of people have come to see or have even started shipping Mauram. And whether this is linked to me oR NOT i want to explain why I ship it, because apparently I haven’t done that yet. [Under the Cut]

okay so mauram is a ship name for maurice and sam. so canonically maurice is more of a jokester. he kicks sand in peoples faces and then acts like a fool to make them happy again. because while maurice may be a hunter and by technicality, a “savage”, he still feels empathy. he definitely follows jack, but clearly isn’t the smartest (ie the squid conversation) and while he enjoys being a hunter, he seems to be in it for more of the fun side of things and being a child. Sam is also more childish because he was younger at the time and is easily scared by stuff like the beastie or the fucken. man with a parachute. however, he joined the hunters by force and was tortured, and yet he still helped ralph, so he is by default, a less “savage” person canonically. however, if you jump into general headcanons regarding the two, the twins AND maurice are both very mischievous and pull pranks on people. their personalities are oddly similar to most people when creating traits for them because a) they’re not really described in the book all that much and b) when they are, their actions end up leading to a similar personality. usually the twins are considered smarter than maurice, seeing as in a lot of text posts hes the one cracking jokes that are pretty dumb or having a lack of knowledge. their headcanoned personalities match together so well because of their similarities and their differences, what maurice lacks, sam makes up for. theoretically it’s like two pieces of a puzzle if you dive into how people headcanon them.

CANONICALLY however, they have very limited to no interactions that are written but that’s because the book is from ralphs perspective, making ralph be the protagonist so you never really get to see any of the hunters interactions with the twins while they’re being tortured. Or even if maurice is there. but they were still alive and the question is why. because jack would gladly have them dead, two other people have died. and roger really doesn’t give a shit, let’s be real. he would gladly kill the twins AND they have enough hunters. so that means that theoretically, someone that jack trusted or at least would listen to had to speak up against killing them either because the hunters aren’t as mad as jack and roger or because there was an established relationship with the twins that made them feel sympathetic. and the only person who has nearly as much power over jack as roger is maurice, seen earlier in the book during hunting. maurice had to be the one to speak up about the twins because he’s the only one with enough leverage over jack to get him to convince roger that killing the twins is unnecessary, and they should be kept alive because they could be “useful” when in fact, they were not useful to the tribe because they helped ralph.

and in modern aus, the twins are usually still ralphs friends and maurice is jacks because there’s typically the split between the two as there was on the island. but most of the time, maurice isn’t really involved because it’s a jalph fic or a rogermon one and maurice just isn’t there. furthermore, maurice tends to be a second option to his friends canonically, most of them bothered by him unless he does something funny or is needed for work. guess what? so are the twins. and the boys played around a lot on the beach, so maurice and the twins more than likely had interactions that just weren’t mentioned.

Fics/ Headcanons

so the choir usually exists in modern/no island aus because they need simon to know the boys so he can be a good boy like simon usually does. the twins usually have some of the biggest vendettas against the choir in the fics i’ve read because the choir gets oddly physical with them. however when fights occur, jack gets ralph, roger gets simon ((if hes even being responsive)) and maurice usually takes the twins. also the twins are usually straight in the fics which i think is just a way of having internalised homophobia because they are. way too straight. nobody is that straight, you bring men up and they’re like HAHA ANYWAYS, WOMEN. in a lot of fics, eric is the one who has the worse anger for the choir and is like. super pissy at all of them. and to me it’s because sam sees himself in maurice a little bit due to their usual similarities and hes just more soft spoken and doesn’t want to confront anyone about it. which leads to the perfect setup for a crush on maurice that he doesn’t even realise is there because he was so caught up realising how similar they are and how much more popular and, in theory, better maurice is that instead of doing what he sees people like piggy or eric doing, which is saying “i wish i could be like the hunters and walk around like i own the place”, he doesn’t want to be like maurice, he wants to be with maurice. however, because of his usual internalised homophobia, he convinces himself that he wants to be maurice and talk like his friends do, but he doesn’t really use the same bitter language, as he’s usually written nicer and even though he’s mischievous, he’s the kinder hearted twin most times. so he obviously isn’t fond of the choir members, but he still wishes he was like them to an extent and everything just kind of falls into place logistically that he, at some point, has a crush on one of the choir members

so why maurice? why not ralph or someone else?

well because all of his friends had never displayed the amount of similarities to him that maurice had. and none of them had displayed the empathy maurice undoubtedly did in the scenarios where things got physical. maurice himself was canonically never as physical as everyone else. he never really hurt anyone that was serious and not a joke. while ralph was kind to him, ralph was very disinterested in people, which i don’t even need to delve into canon for that, he was bored of people like every other line. simon is very introverted and spends most time with ralph and the choir typically, not seen with the twins as often. and piggy himself is just whiny in an endearing way but doesn’t reflect sams own personality. and while people think “opposites attract” (ie ralph and jack or roger and simon), that isn’t always the case. and with how sam behaved and spent time around those who he matched up with personality wise, he would, in theory, only like people who have fragments of his mind in theirs. back to the pieces of a puzzle thing. they have to be pieces of the *same* puzzle, not different ones.

so what about maurice?

maurice’s decisions are influenced by the choir, because he follows them around a lot when it comes to making big choices. he’s less violent by nature and more joking so when his friends bully ralph’s, he probably doesn’t take it as seriously as he should. but he doesn’t really like being angry and that’s on canon, when he kicked sand into percival’s eyes then joked around to cheer him up. maurice doesn’t like other people feeling bad because of his own actions. so he’s probably nicer to ralph’s friends than anyone else just because he has a tough time handling consequences. which leads to his nicer personality meeting sams less aggressive to the choir vibe and even though he is less observant, he still notices how similar they are. and unlike sam, he wants to be *like* sam because he is less vibrant and less out there and blends into a crowd better. and deep down, he doesn’t want to be a “bully” because he still has a heart and empathy. however, the feeling of “i want to be him” switches over to “i want to be with him” once he starts really looking at sam’s actions more than he did before because of how much they could, and would, click with each other. but of course if he were to ever talk to anyone in the choir about it, he would face horrible consequences so he, in turn, gets worse with the teasing and while he doesn’t get physical, he gets meaner as a defence mechanism so nobody else finds out which is what could’ve happened canonically, as of his descent into savagery.

[emilyschoi]

Who you gonna call?

Of Ghosts, Time Travel and Hotels;; Part One. 

“Honey I’m home,” Emily’s head popped up as she heard her cousin downstairs. With a groan, she tried to sit up from her bed but ultimately failed. “Are you still not feeling well?” Daniel called out, as his footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs of the loft.

“Don’t come in!” Emily called out, well tried to, her mouth was dry and her throat was throbbing, her words came out as more of a hoarse whisper than a yell. “It might be contagious,” she coughed, falling back onto the bed, head spinning as she felt overwhelmed with dizziness.

“Em,” she heard Daniel say, now in the room. “We both know that isn’t the case, you always get sick around this time of year,” he said as she felt her bed dip signalling that he was sitting on her bed. “It’s been that way for the past five years,” he said placing a hand on her forehead causing her to open her eyes. “No fever,” he murmured. Emily hummed, thinking back to that faithful day five years caused her head to ache.

“How – how did today go?” Emily asked trying to change the subject away from her health.

“Boring, like don’t get me wrong I appreciate the tourism ad my agency had me do but you think with my face they could get me something better – you know I heard they are filming that new superhero film here,” he grumbled. “Anyway making honest money is no fun, my psychic business would have made double what I made today – and that would be on a bad day,” he ranted.

“Daniel –“ Emily shook her head, a chuckle escaping her lips. “You are coming across as a little ungrateful,” Emily pointed out.

“Please,” Daniel scoffed. “This is me being calm, imagine making me promote this godforsaken island, you know my beautiful face associated with this hell hole,” he said with a huff. “Next thing you know I’ll have to promote The Grand Royal Olivier with that bitch – Maurice?” he said with an eye roll.

“The horror,” Emily teased.

“Right,” Daniel agreed either ignoring the teasing or too caught up in his own rant to care. “I think it’s because everyone is focusing on that stupid island tradition – it’s so silly who even cares about a spring solstice these days,” he murmured. Emily nodded the throws of sleep were beginning to take hold. Daniel must have noticed because a second later he hummed, reaching over to ruffle her hair. “Right anyway I’ll go get us some dinner, you rest,” he said as Emily hummed, her eyes closing as the world went black.

Her eyes closed as she sucked in a deep breath trying to stop herself from making a noise, tears streamed down her face as she peeked out of the wardrobe door, praying to whatever god was listening that they wouldn’t find her. She winced as footsteps got closer and closer, muffled voices could be heard and then suddenly nothing. She moved to peak out the door hoping to see nothing but instead –

“Emily! Emily!” her eyes snapped open to see Daniel standing by her bed, a bag of takeout in his hand as he bounced up and down excitedly.

“What happened? Did you magically get scouted?” she asked rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Daniel you know better to trust anyone who says they are an modelling agent, you know they don’t come here after that one model who you know –“ she trailed off. It hurt Emily’s heart to think about the many horror stories that are linked to this island.

“Em we don’t talk about that,” he said seriously. “And even better,” Daniel grinned. “A boy, a cute boy, a cute boy who is apparently an idiot –“

“That is your type,” Emily interjected.

“It really is but like it’s even better, him and his friends are tourists here to hunt ghosts,” he grinned as Emily raised an eyebrow.

“I feel like I need an explanation here,” Emily said with a frown. “Why is it a good thing that he is an idiot ghost hunter?” she asked. Daniel’s taste had always been questionable, his latest fling with that European second-grade soccer play was enough to prove it but this was… odd, even for him.

“Because guess who is a local and a ‘medium’,” Daniel said with a grin. “Yes, that is right me!” he said clapping his hands together.

“You are pretending to be psychic again to hook up with some random guy,” Emily cocked an eyebrow as she sat up. “Daniel I don’t think this is the good news you think it is,” she pointed out. “And please tell me you didn’t get greasy food, I can already feel my stomach-turning,” she said looking at the plastic bag as if it has caused her a big offence.

“No sweetie, I got us some healthy organic food, got make sure my body is banging for when I eventually get banged by my ghost hunter – do you think those cameras are the ones that film in the dark?” he asked pausing. “That would be hot,” he said more to himself, or at least Emily hoped it was to himself.

“Are you trying to make me sick?” Emily asked as Daniel rolled his eyes.

“Cute ghost hunter boy has cute ghost hunter friends,” Daniel said sitting on the edge of her bed and unpacking the food. “I mean I would never let you hook up with them because you deserve the best but for eye candy purposes they have to be better than that Gideon guy,” he said pointedly.

“Dae!” Emily said scandalized. He knew better than to mention her crush, well former crush. She didn’t really know anymore, she held on to that crush or at least said she did to have some resemblance to a normal life.

“Just saying,” Daniel said opening a container and putting it in front of her, Emily eyed the salad as Daniel pushed it forward. “You need to eat something,” he instructed. “And back to ghost hunters anonymous, Sungjae – that’s my boy, says they are going to investigate the Olivier Hotel, I said i could get them in there,” he shrugged. “You want to –“

“No, and you shouldn’t either, you know better than to stay in that hotel,” she snapped interrupting him. “It’s not worth it Dae, not just to get laid by some stupid boy,” she said seriously.

“Em,” Daniel said softly, “It will be fine,” he said waving a hand dismissively. “We go to the hotel, I say I sense an evil presence there, they will already be searching for any sign because they are dumb, very cute, but dumb and scare themselves silly and I will either comfort my boy or he will comfort me because you know that evil spirit was a lot to take in,” Daniel faked a sob.

Emily glared at him purposely chomping down on a piece of lettuce with as much force as possible. “If it works maybe, it will stop people coming from that hotel,” Daniel added. “Like it would scare other tourists away?” he offered. Emily shook her head, nothing stopped the tourists from coming, so many bad things had happened there and instead of serving as a warning, it acted like a beacon drawing more people in.

“It will be fine, I will be fine trust me,” Daniel said. Emily looked away from a frown on her lips, she knew better than to believe that but if Daniel, her only family, was going to be an idiot and go to that hotel with a bunch of silly ghost hunters then she would have to drag her body out of bed and make sure he came back.

[polygamyff]

51.

Smiling at the picture Robyn sent me of Reign, I sweat her teeth are the cutest thing I have seen. The top ones of pushing through but the bottom two have come up so quick, I love to see it. I love Robyn sends me pictures of Reign while I am at work “Maurice! The meeting is now in session, can you hurry up” getting up from my seat, Ally stepped into my office and eye-balled me “I am here” closing my laptop and picking it up, I need to set up my team. I am practically taking over next week, well I already have but my dad hasn’t done his little ceremony yet “here I am, let’s go. Is Kellen here?” this is going to be interesting “yes, and so is Nalah. They are all waiting on you so come on” walking inside the meeting room “morning everyone, your boss is here. Don’t get all worried now” I am sure they hate me “morning Maurice” only one person said “whoever didn’t say morning is fired, so try again” pulling my chair out “be quiet and sit down” here is Nalah, ruining my moment “I should have done a separate meeting with Nalah, she is ruining my moment here” sitting down “so let’s get straight to it, shares have fallen. Why? And that is aimed at my account’s management, well anyone really. So, answer” I didn’t know shares fell, Ally told me “erm, I will answer so it’s seasonal. It fluctuates, this is normal. You are in the process of moving over from your dad to you, so sometimes it can happen. It’s nothing to worry about I can assure you sir” nodding my head “good, so let’s get to it. Kellen, he is my cousin as you all know. I am putting him on overseas, he will be in Tokyo. Alongside Nalah, but she will be there for a week. We need to really hurry this Tokyo hotel, I don’t want to spend too much time on it because as you know. I have other ventures, the Davenport apartments, they should be opening soon. And then the homes in New Jersey but we are in arguments with, you know who. That should be dealt with. So anyways, Kellen. You will be overseeing Tokyo, now I want to know you will be ok with that?” Kellen has lost so much weight, he has been stressing “I will be fine, I have worked alongside uncle. I will get it done” nodding my head “Nalah, you can help him” I am speeding up this meeting because I have a meet and greet with some kids, I mean I didn’t ask for this but Nalah and this program.

Throwing my laptop onto the couch in my office sighing out, the meeting lasted longer than I wanted “my brother” turning around “oh, Shawn” shaking his hand and then hugging him “it’s been weeks? What the hell? Are you upset with me” shaking my head stepping back “busy, I mind my own shit now. It’s about me and my family, so yeah. That is it” moving back from Shawn “yeah but a phone call, I called you and you text me back saying soon, that soon turned into weeks, why? I thought we was good” licking my bottom lip sighing out “look, it’s nothing to do with I hate you, I just have my own life. I am settled now, I am not in need of someone to watch me not die, but that don’t mean I am resentful of you dating my sister, ask Nalah she is chasing me” seeing Nalah walk into my office “I think Shawn misses you” rubbing my chin making my way around my desk as I sat down “I can tell, and I can’t be angry at that but I am just here and then back home. I am so settled right now, that is it. My home is always open to you but I go home to see my kid and my girl. And then when Robyn works, I am taking care of Reign so tell me, when do I get time to have fun. I am all out of that now, but I love you” Shawn looks really upset “I just feel like we ain’t close anymore, and no offence to Nalah but I couldn’t lose what we got and I just found it hard to come here, Nalah said just do it and say it. I miss you” I laughed lowly “that is emotional for you, if Nalah felt I was being a dick. She would say it, it’s just new for me. I have a routine and yes, I need to make time for others around me, but my door was never closed for you” Nalah is laughing “he goes, Jay took my place and I swear it made me laugh” it’s nice to see them both happy “maybe he has, I am joking. Look, this weekend we can do what you want yeah? Just me and you? Sexually” I smiled “nigga be quiet, can we just go and have our usual time?” I paused “usual? Nalah, you hear this, usual is Hollywood hill party?” I pointed at him “the amount of grovelling he has done and you equally with Robyn, I trust you both, but go and have fun together somewhere” Nalah shrugged “how about we go, Milan” I pointed at him “the friends are out there this weekend too, let’s do it. Boys trip” Shawn is happy, he was so sad about this and I didn’t mean to do it.

You know when they say don’t worry about the shares going down, I am worried because this is not a good thing “and this is where Maurice Davenport sits, let’s knock first” rolling my eyes, I guess this is them. Hearing the knock on the door “yeah, come in!” I shouted, I don’t know anything about this programme at all, not since I have kept away from it and Nalah took it under her wing “hey” Nalah said, smiling at her “so this is where Maurice spends most of his day, and luckily today he is in so come on in” seeing the college kids walk in “hi” they are so shy, it’s cute to see. Smiling at them “it’s the main dog, you remember me right!?” squinting my eyes at him “I know him, I know his girl” I think I do “uhm, you’re” I pointing at him “you’re Jason, the kid I met where Robyn helped out. You’re in New York” he walked over to my desk “hell yes, I got chosen. I work in your hotel. The Hilton” shaking his hand “wow, that is good. And they chose you?” he seems so happy about this “they said I could take your seat you see, I told y’all. I said it, I know this guy. Where is my girl Robyn? How is she? I miss her, she is so beautiful” standing up from my seat laughing “you’re funny and she’s well, she don’t miss you. And if you would like to all come in. Least there isn’t more then five here. Close the door” I pointed “and you stand down there” walking around my desk “let’s go around the room and get to know each other, let’s start off with you beautiful” pointing at the girl, her eyes widened “oh me?” she pointed “yes” I nodded “I’m Kayla” nodding my head “and what do you do, for free time?” I asked “nails, I can do my own nails” she showed me her hands “they are pretty, so do you also know this clown?” I pointed at Jason “he is in my class in college, I want to say Mr Maurice that your program chose me, paying for my scholarship, I thank you so much” smiling at her “I want my people to prosper, we do this for you. Seeing some talented young black kids not get somewhere because of money, I did this for you, and you all special that is why you received what you got. And coming here is a bonus, a break away and some fun, but what about you?” pointing at the next girl, it is good to see this.

Rolling my eyes at Jason “I am bored, anyways” Jason hit my arm laughing “you’re rude” clearing my throat “so tell us Maurice, boss man you tell us about you” Jason said “but you know me, what more do you want me to say? Ok, you ask me. What you want to know?” sitting on the edge of my desk “any question? You won’t whoop my ass question?” I shrugged “try me” crossing my arms across my chest “ok, I have a legit question. I heard you dated one of the Hadid sisters, and then you fucked with Chanel Iman and girls like that. What made you want to be with a regular girl? Like come on, these girls are beautiful, my Robyn is beautiful too but like you had these women and they famous” laughing as I looked at Nalah “I’ve always wanted to ask you this, like I have so many questions” this Jason kid is stupid “ain’t this supposed to be work related, and how the hell did you research that so well?” I am confused “I did a report on you, so I had yo research you so tell me” nodding my head slowly “well, I have met plenty of women. I have lost count, I have women saying remember me, I don’t. It’s not something you remember when you see people every day unless you’re my assistant then I will, I did technically kind of fuck with them, maybe I don’t know” I laughed “but Robyn gets me, she makes me laugh. It’s about that connection, it’s noting else. Robyn and I have a connection. So there, that is why. It’s nothing to do with famous or whatever, we have that connection now that question was dumb. You’re nosey” I pointed at him “can I ask?” Kayla raised her hand “sure” she better has a good question “how come Nalah never was the boss of the company. You are her younger brother or was it something she didn’t want?” that is a good question, blowing out air “so” I dragged out “I want to put this out there that I want you all to succeed, male or female so what it is. My dad, my grandparents or whatever made this rule, first born son has it. So, I was the first born son, so it came to me but that is not it anymore. If my daughter wants this then she can, or if she wants to be anything else she can. It was an incredibly old idea but Nalah has been the best sister with me, so that is why” I hope I explained myself well enough.

I am glad to be home, I mean it was nice seeing those kids and Jason, he’s funny but stupid “papa is home” opening the baby gate “Reign, daddy is home” I hate this baby gate “yes I am and it is papa thank you” closing the gate behind me “stop that shit, it’s ugly. Welcome home baby, come to us” taking my suit jacket off and throwing on the couch “hey Mi Amor, what you doing?” walking around the couch, the biggest smile on Reign’ face “come on” I stood with my arms open “come to papa” getting down on my knees “you going to give him a hug, go on baby” Robyn said, I want her to walk so bad “come here, look” getting my phone out from my pocket “I got this baby come” unlocking it, Reign is thinking. I know she is, she just needs to let go of the side of the table “come here” I know she wants to do it, I knew it. Shuffling closer to her, it may be a distance away from “da” she pointed at me “yes, da is here and wants hugs and lots of kisses from you come. Give papa a kiss” pointing at my cheek, she is so damn cute in her body suit with her fat little legs out “she might do it Maurice, oh my god” Robyn said in whisper “come, look” turning my phone to her, Reign is scared I can tell “oh my god” my eyes widened watching Reign let go of the side and took her first time with her arms held up “come on, come on!” she took another, after another, after another and I caught her before she fell “yay!!! Oh my god, Reign. You did it” I spat hugging her so close “I saw my baby walk” Robyn said, looking up at her being an emotional mess “you are the bravest baby, oh god. I am so proud of you Reign” she doesn’t understand the fuss, she wanted my phone “god, why am I even crying” Robyn said “she is growing up, I am so happy to have witnessed it. Like my heart” pressing a kiss to the top of her head “same, it’s emotional. I am shocked, like she was so ready for it but was scared” I honestly thought I would be crying but no, Robyn is. I am just so proud of her, Reign did it and I was here to see it.

Watching Reign on the floor clapping her hands while Mickey claps, she is responding to what he does now, but her screaming is driving me up the wall “here, this came in the post. Who’s wedding is it?” Robyn threw the card on my chest, picking it off of my chest “mhmmm, don’t know” Opening up the envelope “I have no idea who be getting married anyways” pulling the card out “it’s fancy too, looks like when your singing important documents” opening it up, I frowned looking at it. Getting up from my position sitting up “what is it?” Robyn asked “Reign, be quiet. It says together with their parents Marquis, Joy and Terry, Thomas request the pleasure of the company of Maurice Davenport and Robyn Willis to celebrate their wedding ceremony and” looking up at Robyn “it’s at the ballroom where I am having the ceremony for the business in California?” Robyn got up and snatched the card from me, what the hell is this. Picking up the envelope to check on the handwriting “this is my dad’ handwriting” checking inside the envelope, feeling a note in there and pulling it out and opening it up “so your dad did this, read that to me” Robyn said “Robyn and Maurice, I have heard many stories, many times, and many hours of the day on when you both will get married. It is always on hold, it is always on hold because of Maurice. He is a stupid boy, but my boy. This is my goodbye gift from me to you, this way I get to see my son get married, I know he is finally ready to be married to the woman he loves dearly. I want to do this wedding; all I need is for you both to turn up. Once you open this envelope I want you both to count down the days, I think I feel is if I leave it to you both, it will never happen. It is my time to make it right by him, so I Marquis Davenport invite you both to your wedding day, my gift to you both and Reign, my angel. Love dad” closing the note and looking at Robyn, she is just staring at me.

[hope-faith-love-abide]

So....I watched the live action Aladdin....and...

I actually liked it????

I mean, yeah, I would probably still say I prefer the original animation, but I still had a lot of fun with this adaptation. 

Because it DID actually feel like an adaptation, not a remake. They didn’t just redo the same movie with all the same exact shots and all the same exact lines. Yeah, they keep a lot of the same story and character beats, but they also change things up too. They switch them around, or they do a similar scene but in a different location or a little bit different context because of a new scene before it. And they don’t try so hard to keep everything the same as the original so the new stuff actually makes sense for this version.

There are still some things I didn’t like as much, but it wasn’t enough to ruin it for me. Still, I wanna talk about them, so I’ll just make a list.

Things I liked:

- Will Smith as the Genie was great. He definitely made the character his own, and it seems like he had a lot of fun doing it. He’s great in all the scenes that he’s in, and Friend Like Me was very well done.

- I also really like how they expand on Aladdin and Genie’s friendship. All of their scenes are fun to watch. (Except for maaaybe the scene with Aladdin as Prince Ali meeting the Sultan and Jasmine. I was torn between awkward giggling and major secondhand embarrassment during that scene. “And what are you hoping to buy?” “You.” Me: Oh nooooooo)

- I’m also pretty okay with the changes to Jasmine’s character - again, because they make it make sense for this version. I was ready to roll my eyes because of some screenshots I saw of some interviews before the movie came out where they act like they HAD to change Jasmine because she was just a princess stereotype or something because she never mentioned wanting to be Sultan or whatever (which is just...dumb, and I’m so very tired of Disney princess bashing but ANYWAY). The movie itself is what matters most when watching, not some dumb interviews, and so taking the movie in its own context, I enjoyed the arc Jasmine goes through. It works for this version of the character, and I’m really happy to be able to say that both Original Jasmine and New Jasmine are great.

- And of course I enjoy expanding on the relationship between Aladdin and Jasmine as well. Their scenes are fun. 

- The change to Iago being more of a normal bird is also fine. He still has some funny moments.

- It’s a small moment, but I like that after Aladdin goes back on his promise to set the Genie free, he returns to his old home and we get a new little reprise of One Jump Ahead. That was a nice touch.

- Also, I don’t know if it was intentional on the costume designer’s part, or if it’s just me over-thinking, but I think it’s kinda neat. Anyway, we know that the bracelets on Genie’s wrists are a symbol of his imprisonment to the lamp. He is not free to do whatever he wants whenever he wants; he is bound to his life of being stuck in a lamp and giving three wishes to whoever lets him out. 

Now, who else also has an important bracelet in this movie? Jasmine, the princess who is trapped in a life of rules and tradition, where questions and change are not allowed. She says herself she is not free to see the world. She, like Genie, is bound to a circumstance and situation she does not want to be in. 

Again, not sure if I’m just over-thinking too much, since Jasmine’s bracelet is something she cherishes since it was her mother’s. But still, I think it’s a nice parallel between the two.

Mixed like/dislike:

- The new song, Speechless, is really nice and I like it. But it does feel a little out of place to me. It doesn’t quite fit with the style of the original songs. But it’s fits well with Jasmine’s arc in this one, so I still enjoy it.

- Jafar is....meh? I don’t entirely hate the changes to his character. In fact, I like the idea of him formerly being a thief like Aladdin and somehow clawing his way up the hierarchy to gain more power and prestige. It’s an interesting parallel, and it adds nicely to Aladdin’s arc. But other than that, he’s really kind of...boring? Sure, the original Jafar isn’t really deep or anything, but he at least is a pretty intimidating and terrifying villain. This Jafar is just...a dude who doesn’t really show a lot of emotion. He’s not particularly scary or intimidating. 

- The Sultan is also kinda meh? It’s not terrible that they made him a little more serious of a character (makes more sense here than it did with live action Maurice tbh) (sorry I had to throw at least a little shade at the 2017 Beauty and the Beast remake at SOME point okay I am only human) 

I do like the scenes at the end with him and Jasmine, especially when you see him tearing up while watching her stand up to Jafar. It’s really sweet. 

Things I didn’t like:

- Wow, the Cave of Wonders really is dull in this one. Obviously they don’t need to make it exactly like the original, but making it just a motionless cave entrance is a huge downgrade. 

- I don’t really like that they change the line in the Prince Ali song from “Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see” to “Heard your princess was hot. Where is she?” Just.....why? The original line is still talking about her appearance (albeit in a nicer way), so she can still roll her eyes and walk away like she does in the original. So the change is dumb. 

- It does feel like in some moments they gloss over some things just because they know we’ve seen the original. I mostly noticed this in a few small moments, like Aladdin giving the kid his bag of dates. In the original, that moment is lingered on a little bit longer. He’s getting ready to eat, and then he sees the two kids. We get a few seconds to see him deciding on what to do, and so when he ultimately decides to give his food to the kids instead of keeping it for himself, it’s a strong moment that shows the audience the kind of person Aladdin is. Even after all that trouble just for a loaf of bread, he’s still willing to give it to someone else. (And the scene is made even better with the way Abu begrudgingly gives up his loaf of bread, which is also a great character moment for him.)

Of course, since this is an adaptation of the original, we know Aladdin already. And to be fair, it’s not entirely necessary in this version, since we get him meeting Jasmine before the moment with the kid happens, so it doesn’t have to be a big character moment. But it was just kinda funny to me that this version is just like “Okay, I just traded a necklace I stole for two bags of dates... Oh, there’s a kid here? Aw, okay, kiddo, here. Bye now!”

And then immediately after we get the scene with Aladdin and the pompous prince. Only here it also feels like it’s just kinda thrown in quickly since it was from the original. Aladdin and the snobby prince don’t really have any back and forth banter in this one though. Aladdin saves a kid from being run over, says a line, and then the prince is just like “Why are you talking to me? You’re worthless. Bye.” Like, c’mon, I love the line where Aladdin calls him a horse butt, why leave it out? lol

These are the two I remember the most, and obviously, I’m nitpicking a little bit here. Glossing over these scenes didn’t ruin the movie for me or anything. 

---

I think that’s it? That’s all I can think of right now. 

So yeah, I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed this film. I still wish they’d stop this live action trend, but at least this does show they ARE capable of making these good too when they actually try. A good production value means nothing if you’re just doing the exact same thing you already did. 

Make changes! Focus on the characters! Understand the characters! Have some fun! 

I know you’re capable of making good versions of these live action movies, Disney. So do that, please.

[extraneousdominomask]

a seven deadly sins post because i guess i’m still on my fullmetal alchemist kick

Wrath - Clockwerk Well, I mean, that one's obvious. Clockwerk could have had the acclaim he desired if he turned his considerable intellect toward constructive projects. Instead, blinded by his rage and hatred, he only destroys.

Pride - Neyla The only person Neyla holds in any regard whatsoever is Neyla. She rose out of poverty and obscurity through her strength, her wit, her ruthlessness - so why stop there? For a while, that momentum lasts, and she’s more and more convinced that no-one else is on her level. But it soon proves lonely at the top... also she fell. y’know, cause... pride goeth? and she- nevermind

Envy - Arpeggio Arpeggio’s earliest motivation was to have what others had that he lacked. From there, he set his sights on steadily larger, grander prizes; but at the end of it all, he was still just a little bird who couldn’t fly.

Greed - Dr M Envy would probably also fit, depending on his exact relationship to Conner, and considering the object of his greed (the Vault) rightfully belonged to someone else. But my own headcanon for ol’ Maurice is that a genuine need for money spiraled into something worse. He was never satisfied with what he gained, and that endless greed was what kept him close to a man he hated... even after that man died.

Lust - General Tsao Tsao claims to be motivated by a higher cause; maintaining and strengthening his precious bloodline. But he’s clearly not heartbroken about kidnapping a young woman and forcing her to marry him. 

Sloth - Raleigh bored frog does crimes

Gluttony - Dimitri Okay tbh I didn't quite understand the difference between "Greed" and "Gluttony", aside from maybe that the latter exclusively involves food, which would be dumb. Turns out Gluttony connotes wastefulness - you ate all that pie when there's so many people in the world with zero pie at all. You monster. "wasteful” isn’t a super intimidating character trait so i’m just giving this to dimitri, sc villain voted most likely to throw needlessly extravagant parties

[noexit-ff]

44. Part 2

Walking behind Chris making my way to our room, Chris has booked all of this so I don’t know what he has done “you want me to hold your bag for you” Chris asked looking behind him, smiling lightly at Chris shaking my head “this place is far out, I am tired of walking” we picked up the keys and we are still walking to the room “we are here baby, I wanted to get the best for us” watching Chris unlock the room door “I told some lies when I booked though, I mean they should have thought I am Chris Brown and we been married but no, they believed me” he pushed the door open “after you” he gestured, what has he done now. Looking down at the marble flooring “roses on the floor?” I chuckled “I said it’s our honeymoon, they believed it so they dumb as fuck” what is my husband like “I don’t know what they did though, I told you it’s a classy dick appointment like I said” following the line of roses “it’s sweet though Chris, I love when you do things like this. It’s romantic” looking around the bedroom “this is so nice” my smile grew “the bed is huge too, I am here for champagne though” placing my bag down and making my way to the bottle, I am going to open this now “no, wait” Chris held the bottle “don’t open it, we going out for some food first” pulling a face at Chris “really? I am not dressed for a meal, I still have what I wore for the game. I didn’t bring any dresses with me, why didn’t you say?” Chris shrugged, letting him place the champagne back in the bucket of ice “come, you look beautiful anyways” he held my hand pulling me back out of the room.

Chris has really thought this through “it’s so late, it’s only us two here” looking over at the beach front “I know, I paid them to keep it open for us” he said, I sighed out “it’s beautiful, the palm trees and the lights. You really making me the happiest wife in the world” I am going to give him a good night, he deserves “you deserve it, you deserve more than what I am doing. You gave me a whole new meaning like you said, I didn’t think when you told you was pregnant it would have changed me this way. I was a guy that was pretty lonely, I had nothing but the art I drew and people I paid for. I ain’t once thought of doing graffiti in our home, that’s our family home. Maurice has really changed me to be a whole different nigga, I just want to be at home. I don’t want trouble even though my past be chasing me, it’s still there but I am running, I will make it out of my past. I know it” Chris rubbed his chin, he has confused me now “how is your past still around? Why don’t I know this” Chris licked his lips smiling “I protect you Robyn, I don’t want that shit coming to you or making you think about me. Just some shit happened when I went to the studio a few days ago, you know. Sinko was there and I just felt like it was a set up.”

That stupid ass ex friend of his “you never admitted to what happened, you beat him didn’t you?” till this day he has never said it, I don’t know why he won’t say it “I did, I beat him. I was so angry, he was the guy that was setting me up, the same nigga that watched me take drugs, fucked myself over. I was just so mad, I beat him. It’s not a good thing but I did it, I don’t want to tell my wife I did that. I would do anything to protect you from any mess and stress. I am thinking on what to do but I don’t want to run away from them, I ain’t scared of them” he has only verified what I knew “I understand, I never liked the guy. Your other friends, they are stupid but not malicious. I felt it” I paused thinking “I used to cringe when I read about you being in these gangs, I prayed that nothing ever happened to you. I was angry at you but I never wanted to see you hurt, I don’t think you should hide like you said but you need to change everything he knew about you, every place you and him went too. Start from there” I will kill Sinko myself if anything happens to Chris “would you like to order now?” the waiter asked, let us do that now.

I keep staring at my phone, I want to ring my mom or Joyce to know about Junior but I got to trust them “this steak is nice you know” I said trying to side track my mind from my son and Chris and these people after him “you love having any meat in your mouth” Chris blurted out, my eyes widened as I blinked at him “wow! You know damn well the only meat I had in my mouth is yours. I didn’t have anything in my mouth” I corrected him “nah, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just saying” Chris does not think when he speaks “I was speaking about the steak Robyn, come on. I ain’t say it like that” he is such a liar “Chris, just stop. You’re making it worse, you did not mean steak at all. It’s like me saying you love having fish in your mouth” Chris tilted his head “let’s not” he said quickly “we both did shit but Adam, and the jew are two people that really got to me” sitting back in the chair “why? I mean with Drake. I did nothing with him, I didn’t even date him. You started talking to him at one point” Chris put his hands up “to get to you, you changed your number on me. I hate him because he threw it in my face, publicly he did it and you still ignored me. Y’all was having the time of your life at award shows, you threw it to my face. Then he took my chin and then you still fucked with him” Chris is getting ever so heated “it made money, I didn’t purposely do it. Drake was just fun but you got to understand you was in a really bad bubble, I saw everything but it happened and look at us now, just to add I never had any other meat in my mouth. I am rather picky with that” I had to add that because I am not some hoe like everyone wants to make me out to be.

Picking up Chris’ sneakers from the sand, it’s late at night and he wants to walk on the beach but has ran off to throw rocks in the water. Picking up my sneakers also and walking slowly along the beach, it looks so beautiful at night but also creepy “did you see how far it went?” Chris jogged back over to me “no, I was busy seeing the weird guy down there staring at us” Chris took his sneakers from me “come” Chris turned his back towards me “let me carry to your destination queen” side eyeing him, he leaned down further “come on, climb onto me” rolling my eyes “what if you can’t carry me? My thighs might crush your ribs with your skinny ass” I know for a fact I am thicker than I am “shut up, just get on top” he really wants me to, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs hooked around his waist. Chris stood up and grunted out “wow, put me down” I spat, Chris busted out laughing “I am joking, you’re good babe and I am sorry about earlier. On god I didn’t want you to feel that way” Chris apologising, look at him “it’s ok handsome, I just want to leave our past in the past, where it belongs” pressing a kiss to the back of Chris’ head “it does, I don’t think I would have settled down. I know for a fact I would be lost, the only love of my life is you” tightening my arms around his neck, my face pressing just against the side of his face “do I feel a little heavy? Admit to it please, I know I am” Chris just laughed “you have more meat on you which I love, my meaty wife” he is so stupid, meaty wife.

Chris finally put me down “yo, my back” Chris placed his hand on his back “wow, don’t play. That is fine, we won’t have sex” Chris ran ahead of me “noo, I am good look I am running” I knew it “yeah, yeah. Just open the door baby” getting my phone out from my pocket “your mom called me, it’s late over there. I hope they are ok” calling Joyce back, Chris held the door open for me as I walked into the room “I bet Junior is awake for me, he wants daddy talk” Chris said behind me “it’s ok sweetie, you shouldn’t have called back. He fell asleep now, he kept on crying and not drinking his milk. Monica and I was losing our minds but we put music videos on of you and Chris and he remained quiet and drank his milk and then fell asleep” I breathed out a sigh of relief “he is ok right? Not in pain or upset?” my poor baby boy “he is fine now, he felt content seeing you both on TV and even hearing your voices. It comes in handy” smiling wide “he is missing us, well I will leave you both to it. Thank you for being there for us and him” slapping Chris’ hand away, I won’t have him undress me just yet “it’s ok good night” smiling lightly “night” disconnecting the call “my baby boy misses us while his dad is busy undressing me” Chris does not care, he wants me in that bed “I just need the toilet, wait” Chris is like a dog with a bone.

Robyn needs to quit playing and just let me fuck unless she don’t want to fuck, I mean why not. I got roses, champagne, I took her out to eat, this is annoying and I am bored of looking at Instagram. I miss Robyn filling my timeline full of pictures of Maurice. I might just get naked and wait on the bed for her. Tapping on the camera “are you taking a shit!?” I half shouted “I ain’t about to give you anal ma’am? Come on Robyn!” she mad annoying and taking so long “you got the shits!?” I rather she just told me “shut up!!” she screamed back at me, flicking the camera to my face and pressing record, sighing out “currently in Hawaii, with a bed full of rose petals” picking some of the petals at the side of me “waiting for Robyn for ten minutes, she ain’t even come out of the bathroom, I have been waiting for this night for months!!! I love my son with all of my heart but I need it, and when you know your wife’ body is so good. On god Rihanna’ body is so bomb naked and she ain’t giving me shit. I am bored too, I will document part two if I don’t get any” stopping the recording and typing out out a caption ‘Don’t have babies!!!’ pressing send, we going back to LA if she playing with me like this. The bathroom door unlocked finally, the door flew open and she stepped out of the bathroom. The biggest grin grew on my face, my eyes flowed down Robyn’ body with the tightness growing in my pants.

Robyn placed her leg just above the arm rest on the chair “do you like my outfit?” she smiled leaning down allowing her hair to flow down, I feel ever so thirsty. Blinking my eyes as I licked my lips, she has freshly had her pussy waxed. The two piece set made from sheer lace, the bra quarter-cut cup which made her boobs pour out, they barely fit, the suspender thong which is crotchless which let me catch a glimpse of heaven, those heels finish it off perfectly “you should have said” my voice sounding hoarse “you was all screaming and shouting, now you’re quiet. Well surprise baby” she placed her leg down “I want you to sit on this, come here” she gestured me over, she ain’t got to tell me twice. Nearly tripping over myself as I got off the bed “calm down” I was about to kiss her “I said sit down, not kiss me” she is killing me inside, walking around the chair and sitting down silently.

She came to stand right in front of me, placing her hands on either side of the chair armrest. She leaned down so our faces were only inches apart, my eyes jetted down to her cleavage before returning to her face “you bought this for me?” I asked, she bit into her bottom lip and nodded “just for you” my eyes went to her teeth as they scrapped against her lip, my lips parted as a small groan escaped me, I want her so bad. she brought her right hand to my stomach and started to walk her fingers up my body with each of her words “this… is… all… for… you” she reached my collarbone, she only let her index finger touch my skin. She slipped it up to the centre of my throat and under my chin, she brought her mouth to mine, stopping just before she touched my lips “all for me” I whispered “for you” she said just against my lips.

Robyn moved back from me, she is so bad “where are you going?” I said through gritted teeth, just watching her booty cheeks jiggle, she grabbed the bottle of champagne “a little thirsty” she ripped the foil from the top “shiiiit, I am too thirsty, damn. You playing with me, you can’t be walking around and not allow me to get a piece of the cake” Robyn popped open the bottle, Robyn shrugged as she drank from the bottle. Her legs are so long, her thighs get thick as you travel up. Robyn walked over to me, placing her legs on either side of me as she sat on my lap. She placed her hand just under my chin “open up” opening my mouth and my eyes never leaving hers, she poured the contents into my mouth. She moved the bottle back and wrapped her arms around my neck, swallowing down the contents and placing my hands behind her back. Pressing a kiss to Robyn’ neck but she moved back from me “what are you in the mood for” she keep running away I am about to pin her ass down “your pussy on my face, that is what I want” I straight up said “so it’s my choice” she said totally ignoring what I am saying.

Robyn twirled back around “okay then” Aaliyah - Rock The Boat started playing, I am here for this because I didn’t think she was going to do anything at all. When Robyn finally walked her beautiful ass over to me she straddled my lap, with her hands on the back of the chair. She leaned forward, letting her breasts brush against my chest. She then turned and sat down fully on my lap, she leaned back so she is pressed against my chest and turned her face into my neck while her hips grind in slow motion. The friction of her ass against my erection felt so unbelievable good, dry humping never felt so great. My head went back, my eyes shut and his mouth dropped open in a moan. She swirled her hips in time with the music, she blew air across my neck and made me shiver. Grinding myself against her “I just want to be inside of you so badly” her crotch rubbing right against my erection, she slipped off of my lap and onto her knees.

I am not even going to speak a word because my wife knows what she is doing, it’s been so damn long that I am going to explode at her lips just pressing kisses against my tip. She curls her fingers around my member and opens her mouth wide, sticking her tongue out in the process, teasing the tip. My hands clenched into a fist as Robyn took me into her mouth, this feeling I yearned for so long. Robyn slides her lips down my length, trying to swallow me whole. Robyn gagged slightly when my dick hit the back of her throat and she tried to pull away, but I held her head firmly in place. Robyn looked up at me, her hazel eyes beginning to water from the strain and whines deep in her throat. The dick in her mouth twitches against the flat of her tongue, heavy and hot, until I allow Robyn to slowly pull away. She purposely leaves the head of my dick nestled between her lips, feeling her tongue swirl around me.

“Ah, Fuck Robyn” I moaned out, running my fingers through her hair. I thrust my hips gently into Robyn’ mouth, loosening her stroking hand around my base and sucking more softly. I moaned out loudly when I watch just how much Robyn’ lips stretch to take all of me in her mouth. Her lips are puffy and red, but the best part is the eye contact Robyn gives. Her hazel eyes are hooded and wide “oh fuck, I am going to cum” Robyn moaned around my member, stroking me as she sucked. Feeling my member tremor, my toes curl and I came into her mouth “oh my” I moaned out, Robyn still sucking my member as I came.

I am done with Robyn’ teasing ass, I want in “I’ll be nice” I mumbled as I leaned down and kissed Robyn’ lips, my tongue finding hers, tangling with it as my free hand went to her hair. Robyn tugged at my tee, pulling it up “I just want you inside of me now” Robyn said yanking my tee off “you sure don’t seem it at times” pecking Robyn’ lips as I moved down her neck, a smirk played on my face as her breath got caught in her throat. She is now feigning for it, Robyn’ breathing hitched as I barely did anything. I started sucking on her neck, my fingers slid inside of her core. I slowly thrust my finger in and out of her, as she arched her back. Moving back from her neck, slowly kissing down her neck. Pressing kisses onto her chest and reaching above her boobs, my finger still thrusting inside of her “Chris!” Robyn moaned out, sucking on the skin just above her boob, feeling Robyn’ hands on the side of my head looking up at her letting the skin between my lips go. Robyn pulled me up, latching her lips onto mine as we kissed.

I quickly bared her breasts “I have been after these for so long” I openly admitted, these are the biggest I have seen them “the booty jiggle and titty jiggle are a blessing” Robyn placed her hand over her mouth “stop it” she said “wait” placing my hands together looking up “thank you god for making Robyn’ boobs larger than life, I feel ever so spoilt with the meal I will be having” feeling Robyn yanking at my arm “I swear to god” I snorted laughing, leaning down and closing my lips over her nipple “don’t you dare bite me, I need releasing anyways” moving my head back staring at Robyn “what now?” I am amazed “that is legit milk? How? Why can’t this be a lifetime thing? I am in shock. This shit is sweet, nah. I am shocked” I am amazed that her boobs have milk in them “I need to have this on my cereal, damn Robyn” she is amazing “does it taste like Barbados?” Robyn questioned “better than Barbados, this is heaven. I feel like when I die and I go heaven, this is the milk I will be having” Robyn busted out laughing “I love you, oh god” she said through her laughter. I leaned down and sucked again while she laughed, running my tongue around to sweep up all of the hot liquid that flowed out. With a few more pulls, I swallowed the liquid down before flicking the tip of my tongue over her swollen bud.

Robyn pulled me down to kiss her, my tongue tangled with hers before slowly dancing down her neck and then back to her lips. Robyn moaned into my ear, her arm going around my neck. Wrapping her legs around my waist, rubbing herself against my member. My tip grazing against her clit “who’s being a tease now? Stop it” Robyn knows I am playing now “just wanted to get you back, I can see the frustration on your face though” without a warning I slowly slid into her groaning out as her walls closed around me instantly “daddy is back home” I mumbled as I held her gaze, slowly thrusting “you don’t even feel different, pussy popping back into action” Robyn yanked me down for a kiss to shut me up locking her legs around my hips driving me into her as deeply, I sped up my thrusts inside of her. Robyn’ lips moved back from mine, her head fell back as she moaned out. Kissing on Robyn’ neck as every stroke is causing Robyn to let out a scream, I drove into her faster and faster, sucking her neck, leaving marks on Robyn everywhere “fuck!” Robyn shouted out, her hand on my hip as I slowed my pace.

“My bad” I smirked at her, slowly thrusting into Robyn “it’s ok” she placed her hand on my neck “keep going” she said, leaning down kissing her lips, sucking onto the lower lip as I continued to slam into her. My one hand gripping her breast, squeezing and kneading, as the other hand held her hip still to keep Robyn from bucking her hips, making me cum before I was done satisfying her “flip us over” Robyn said after biting my bottom lip. Flipping us both over “what happened to you doing it?” she can usually do it “not tonight” I watched her from below “ok, I am going to enjoy this” my hands on Robyn’ hips and her ass as I thrusted into her as fast, I am going to cum but I don’t want too. Robyn let her hands roam over her body, groaning and moaning. Her tongue slowly sliding over her lips as she looked down at me, clenching my jaw “fuck, I’m gonna cum” I can’t hold off anymore, my dick began to throb and pulse inside of Robyn, she decided to clamp tightly around me “ah fuck Robyn” I moaned out, she is milking me completely, pulling Robyn down on top of me and wrapped my arms around her tightly, just holding Robyn there for a moment before looking into her eyes as I pressed a kiss to her lips “I love you” my dick is still throbbing “I love you too” she wiggled out of from under me “round two” I am riding you and you don’t move or I will leave you hard, Robyn about to torture me.

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’ ‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’ ‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’ ‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’ ‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’ ‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’ ‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’ ‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’ ‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’ ‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’ ‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’ ‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’ ‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’ ‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’ ‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’ ‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’ ‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’ ‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’ ‘  i’m pb&j -- petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’ ‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’ ‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’ ‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’ ‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’ ‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’ ‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’ ‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’ ‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’ ‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’ ‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’ ‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’ ‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’ ‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’ ‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’ ‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me???? 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only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’ ‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’ ‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’ ‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’ ‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’ ‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’ ‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’ ‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’ ‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’ ‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  you can start again anytime!  ’ ‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’ ‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’ ‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’ ‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’ ‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’ ‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’ ‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’ ‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’ ‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’ ‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’ ‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’ ‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’ ‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’ ‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’ ‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’ ‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’ ‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’ ‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’ ‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’ ‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’ ‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’ ‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’ ‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’ ‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’ ‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’ ‘  you son of a mumford!  ’ ‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’ ‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’ ‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’ ‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’ ‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’ ‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’ ‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’ ‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’ ‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’ ‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’ ‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’ ‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’ ‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’ ‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’ ‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’ ‘  i have a question for u: like are u done... like is it over?  ’ ‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’ ‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’ ‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’ ‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

[fourteenacross]

so, like, i know youre a busy person, but if you get time, could you write martha manning meeting the squad and maybe molly??? -Myah

At some vague point in the future, the gang is going to a conference in the UK where they’ll meet Martha and her girlfriend (and John’s ex and his fiancée), but that’s not for awhile yet.

In the meantime, here’s some other stuff.

*

“Look,” the boy on the other end of the phone says, “I wasn’t saying that was gonna keep me from doing it, just pointing out a fact.”

Martha bites back a smile. “Alex?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, hi,” he says. “Martha. Mattie. Can I call you Mattie? John always calls you Mattie. Or–John calls you Mattie when he’s not thinking about it. When he’s consciously starting a story about you he always goes, ‘My friend Martha,’ like this is the first time he’s mentioning you. Or–I guess also he’s making sure I’m not mixing you up with his sister? But. Anyway. Hi?”

“I really thought he was exaggerating how fast you talk,” she says. “It’s almost all he’s said about you, really. Normally I can’t get him to stop talking about his men, but he’s coy about you.” She stretches out on the settee--she can hear Jo banging around in the kitchen, impatient to go out and meet the rest of their friends.

Across the ocean, John’s Alexander is quiet for a moment. She’s rather sure this is an uncommon occurrence. “Really?”

“That’s how I knew how much he liked you,” she says. “He answered all of five questions before changing the subject to badger me about my love life. All I got is a picture and the fact that you’re loud and obnoxious and passionate and mean in all the same ways he is, but also very sweet.” 

“’Sweet?’”

“And he got all flushed and stammer-y when he said it. Believe me, I’ve comforted John through quite the parade of terrible boyfriends. He likes you.”

“I know,” Alex says. She can hear the smile in his voice, the tremor of happiness. “I love him a lot. Like...a lot. Like....”

“A lot?” she suggests.

He snorts. “That’s proof, okay? That’s solid proof of how much I love him: he’s literally the only thing in the fucking world that can leave me speechless. I wrote a fucking essay about the hurricane that destroyed the town I grew up in, I filled an angsty tween journal with my pain when my mom died, every new exciting discovery in my field gets thousands of words of dissection, but then this stupid, beautiful asshole steps in front of me and--bam! All I can do is stare and babble and make like...vague hand gestures.”

Martha knows from stammering and vague hand gestures. She glances, unconsciously, at the kitchen again. Jo is standing on a chair to rifle through a high cabinet, scowling with determination. Martha’s heart aches.

“So,” she says, pushing through her own troubles. “Tell me about you! Like I said, Johnny was vague and secretive.” He’s told her a little more than she’s letting on, but those conversations feel more private, for some reason. mattie i’m so fucking scared of how much i love him ive only known him for like a month and a half i think Im gonna throw up.

“Uh, I’m twenty-one. I’m in the same program as John. I’m an immigrant from a tiny island in the Caribbean that you’ve probably never heard of. You’ve seen pictures, so you know what I look like. I’m pretty smart. I think John has shitty taste in beer and I don’t know how he can stand to put those dumb sci-fi movies on when he’s working. Um, my favorite color is green?”

“Favorite novel?” she asks.

“Uh, To Kill a Mockingbird. Or maybe White Teeth? Or Oscar Wao? This is a hard question. Uh, John gave me The Doomsday Book, but I haven’t read it yet. He also gave me Guards! Guards! and told me if I don’t at least appreciate it, he has to break up with me, so I’ve been putting it off, to be honest.”

“Ugh, of course John wants you to start with Guards, he’s obsessed with Vimes. Ignore him, if you’ve never read any Pratchett, start with Equal Rites.”

“No, tell him to start with The Amazing Maurice!” Jo yells from the kitchen. “I mean--I’m not eavesdropping!”

“I barely followed any of that,” Alex says. “Is there someone else there?”

“Yeah,” Martha says, “my friend Jo is waiting for me to finish up so we can go meet some people. But she’s fine waiting until I’m done with you.”

“To a point!” Jo shouts, but she’s found whatever it was she was looking for in the top cabinet and seems distracted again.

“Anyway,” Martha continues, “favorite film?”

“I don’t know if I have one? I didn’t go to the movies a lot as a kid. Maybe...um--I feel like this is a test.”

“It is, to a certain degree,” Martha says. “Okay, we’ll let you pass on that one. Are you a big partier?”

“I like people, I like socializing. I don’t know that I like partying. We go out to the bar on Fridays and have a pretty good time. Sometimes we go dancing. As long as it doesn’t interfere with my work--I’m kind of a workaholic, but, you know. I make time for my friends. I make time for John. You know we’re already dating, right? And like...living together. And while I understand you’re close, I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna dump me if I don’t pass your test. Not that I wouldn’t get lost of he did dump me. I mean, unless he was doing one of those dumb self-sacrificing things he does when he’s depressed.”

And there’s the heart of it. He’s clearly seen what John can be like when he’s down and he’s still here and he’s pledging to stay through those times. That’s all Martha can really ask for. She’s an ocean away, he’s pushed away his family, and he’s all alone somewhere new. She needs to know there’s someone on his side. She needs to know that someone is taking care of him when he’s too bloody stubborn to take care of himself.

“Well, it’s fine because you’ve passed,” she tells him. “Your prize is taking care of Johnny when he’s being a pill.”

“That’s kind of a lousy prize, seeing as how I’m already doing it. But I also get him when he’s brilliant and excited, so I guess it evens out.”

“Brilliant,” Martha repeats. Her smile is downright giddy as she thinks back to all of the idiots John’s dated for the past five years.

“So brilliant,” Alex says. “And just--passionate. Brilliant and passionate and thoughtful and dedicated and...and...just...fucking radiant. He’s just--this is what I was saying, this is what I was telling you, I don’t have words, okay?”

“Okay,” Martha says, still smiling. “Well, it’s been lovely chatting with you, Alex, but I think my friend is going to disassemble my kitchen if we don’t leave for the pub soon.”

“Yeah, John should be done soon, I can hear him bitching at the doctor from here. Just one last thing--’Johnny?’”

“Did he tell you he covered for me when we were fifteen and pretended to be my boyfriend for a family visit?”

“No...”

Jo is tapping her foot impatiently by the door. They’re not even late yet, but that’s Jo--insufferable when she’s bored. Martha would strangle her if she wasn’t so pathetically smitten.

“Very quickly, then--my mother and grandmother were trying to set me up with an eligible boy back home. This was before I had even really admitted to myself that I was gay. So, while I was on the phone with them, panicked, John told me to tell them I already had a boyfriend, which I did, and then when they asked who it was and I panicked more, bless him, he pointed at himself and I told them it was him. Then, of course, when they came to visit for a family week a month or two later, we had to actually pretend to be together. Johnny was out to everyone, so there was a lot of bribery going on that week to keep other students quiet, and he was so very awkward, so everything was over the top.” Alex laughs and so does Jo, who’s leaning forward against the side of the couch to listen, now. “I called him ‘Johnny’ in this treacly voice and even after my parents went back to London, it stuck. It was a lifesaver, really--he even fell on his sword and kissed me a few times, which is what really confirmed my lesbianism. You don’t have a boy like that kissing you and feel vaguely disgusted if you’re even the least bit heterosexual.”

Alex laughs again. “Don’t I know it.”

“So, very long story short, he hated Johnny and declared that only ex-girlfriends get to call him that when Francis and some of our other friends started picking it up, which limits its usage to me.”

“Good to know,” Alex says. Then, “Hey, baby, you good to go?”

“I’ve got a script to fill, but fuck that, the ER visit’s gonna cost me enough as it is.” That’s John, unmistakably, and Martha misses him terribly all at once. 

“Don’t be an asshole.”

“It’s just pain stuff. It’s basically extra strength Advil, I’ll be fine without it.”

“Yeah, whatever, don’t think I’m not gonna call Mrs. W and get her opinion, because--”

“--are you on my phone?”

“Um.”

And then grunts and grappling and muttered curses and then, panicked, “Shit, Mattie?! How long have you been talking to him? What have you told him about me? What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, darling, Jo and I are late for drinks,” Martha says, grinning. “We can make up our FaceTime date tomorrow, yeah?”

“Mattie, I swear to fucking god--”

“I love you, Johnny!”

He’s still cursing when she hangs up. Jo’s staring at her, one-eyebrow raised, which gives her one last pang of missing John, who shares that genetic quirk.

“Does he get to give your girlfriends the same interrogation?” Jo asks.

“Well, I’ve not dated anyone seriously enough to find out, yet,” Martha says, grabbing her bag and shoving her mobile into the middle pocket. 

“I’m sure you will soon,” Jo says, squeezing her arm and leading the way out of the flat and down to the street.

“I’m sure I will,” Martha mutters glumly, watching Jo leave for one long, miserable second before she grabs her coat and follows.

[classicfilmfreak]

New Post has been published on http://www.classicfilmfreak.com/2018/04/05/20660/

The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) starring Richard Carlson, Julie Adams and Richard Denning

Clawing monster from a lost age strikes the Amazon’s forbidden depths!

Be a farmer or not, 1954 is a bumper crop—for horror movies.  Imagine, in a single year, the many delicious, delectable, diabolical—and sometimes dumb—exploits added to the distorted world of this particular genre.

Let’s see . . . among the “lower,” properly forgettable films of that year: Killers from Space, Monster from the Ocean Floor, Gog and Godzilla.  Deeper, deeper, at the murkiest bottom, the lower regions of nothingness: The Bowery Boys Meet the Monsters, Devil Girl from Mars, Monsters from the Rue Rogue and The Snow Creature.  But working quality upward, there’s light, and despite those who see a disreputable genre, some titles rise above that notoriety and become something more: The Mad Magician, Them! and The Naked Jungle.

And, in this year of 1954, what about The Creature from the Black Lagoon?  Where does it stand in this bubbling cauldron of hell-broth?  Some critics go so far as to endow the film with high praise indeed, that its creature, a resilient fish-man or gill-man—all monsters are “resilient,” just look at the armies which try to defeat them—belongs in the illustrious company of Dracula, the Frankenstein monster, the Wolf Man and the Mummy.

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Truly, Creature, along with its monster, is one of the most original horrors of the 1950s.

Whatever its status among the horror hierarchy, the idea for Creature comes from the fertile—or festered?—mind of William Alland.  If the name is unfamiliar, it shouldn’t be: he’s Mr. Thompson the reporter, usually seen in silhouette, who is in search of the meaning of “Rosebud,” the dying word of the egotistical newspaper tycoon in Orson Welles’ famous 1940 movie Citizen Kane.

Much more than a minor actor, Alland is better known as a producer of horror films—It Came from Outer Space (1953), This Island Earth (1955), Tarantula (1955), The Deadly Mantis (1957) and, of course, the creature feature under discussion.

Alland, a member of Welles’ Mercury Theatre on the Air, with a hand in the 1938 radio scare of a Martian invasion, War of the Worlds, attended one particular dinner party given by Welles.  Alland heard Mexican cinematographer Gabriel Figueroa (later an Oscar nominee for John Huston’s The Night of the Iguana, 1964) regale his audience with the legend of a half-fish, half-man creature that terrorized the Amazon River, emerging annually to possess a woman victim.

Alland had the idea, Maurice Zimm put it on paper and screenwriters Harry Essex and Arthur Ross converted it to screen.  And Jack Arnold, no stranger to directing other “creature” films, including his masterpiece The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957), directs Creature.

Composers Hans J. Salter, Henry Mancini and Herman Stein, along with some Universal stock footage—even a snip from 1941’s The Wolf Man—assemble an unexpectedly integrated score.  Beware, however, of that three-note “creature theme” on the flutter-tongue trumpets.  Even if it’s only a claw, the motif blares out each time the creature appears and so often the motif quickly becomes a boring nuisance long after any terror-striking effect has worn off.  Still, the three notes could be the most memorable of its kind since Franz Waxman’s five-note “monster theme” in The Bride of Frankenstein (1935).

Aside from some scenes shot in a water tank, most of the underwater photography was filmed by a second unit, over 2,000 miles from Hollywood, in the sparkling clear waters of Wakulla Springs, about fourteen miles south of Tallahassee, Florida.  One of the first films shot there was Tarzan’s New York Adventure (1938).

So it is to this spring, passing for the Upper Amazon, that a scientist, Dr. Carl Maia (Antonio Moreno, Captain from Castile, 1947, The Searchers, 1956), finds the fossilized remains of a scaly forearm and webbed claw-hand.

Not even three minutes into the film, the audience hears the three-note motif, fortissimo, and is teased, some might think prematurely, by, this time, a living claw-hand groping at the river bank.  Carl has his back turned to this, of course.

Carl returns to civilization and recruits three companions for an expedition—ichthyologist Dr. David Reed (Richard Carlson, It Came from Outer Space, etc.), the financial backer of this expedition, Mark Williams (Richard Denning, the governor in TV’s Hawaii Five-O, 1968-80), and David’s girlfriend, Kay (Julie Adams, The Private War of Major Benson, 1955), the requisite “female in danger”—the woman the creature is after in any horror film.

With tag-along scientist Dr. Thompson (Whit Bissell, Hud, 1963, Seven Days in May, 1964) aboard, they arrive by river trawler at Carl’s camp, only to find two of his aids dead.  The jovial captain of the “Rita” is Lucas (Nestor Paiva, Humoresque, 1946, Tarantula).

After finding no more fossils, David believes that any possible remains might have been washed down the river thousands of years ago, and in traveling further down the waterway they discover the black lagoon with its primeval forest rising from water’s edge.

Having noticed Kay, the creature has followed the trawler to the lagoon, establishing the beauty-and-the-beast premise, specifically King Kong (1933), the writers admitted source of their story.  After David and Mark have dived for rocks in the lagoon, Kay goes swimming and the fish-man, somehow unnoticed, swims along beneath and around her.

The creature later climbs aboard the “Rita” and kills some of Lucas’ crew before its capture and confinement in a bamboo cage.  When the scaly prisoner escapes, he mauls Thompson.  Kay tosses a lantern and, in flames, the creature jumps overboard.

David wants to end the expedition, but Mark is bent on capturing, or killing, the fish-man.  There are more struggles.  The “Rita” is locked in the lagoon by some loose logs moved by the creature and Mark is killed in an underwater fight with the aquatic adversary.

When Kay is kidnapped to a grotto by the fish-man, David, Carl and Lucas rescue her, but not before shooting the creature, which retreats into the lagoon.  The last shot of the film is of its body sinking limply to the bottom of the lagoon.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon, which seems, at least on first viewing, so unified creatively, contains at least six “doubles,” necessitated by the second unit work in distant Florida.  The credited “surface” director might be Jack Arnold, but for the underwater scenes it is James C. Havens.  Likewise, the Hollywood cinematographer, William E. Snyder, is replaced in Florida by Scotty Westbourne, using a then innovative underwater camera.  This was about the same time as Beneath the 12-Mile Reef (1953) and 20,000 Leagues under the Sea (1954), films known, at the time, for their spectacular underwater photography.

In Hollywood, lead actress Julie Adams is making her signature movie, while beneath the water, exhibiting acrobatic stunts and somersaults, is Ginger Stanley, then a performer at Florida’s Silver Springs tourist attraction.  In the swimming sequence between “Adams” (Stanley) and the fish-man, some critics have seen a highly erotic ballet, a “love dance,” intimations of sexual intercourse, albeit from a distance.

Aside from the water tank shots, actors Carlson and Denning are doubled in the lagoon sequences by two local college students hired for the occasion.  On the boat and getting in and out of the water, Carlson wears two air tanks, Denning only one, a distinction replicated by the stand-ins beneath the surface.

Even the fish-man leads two lives.  Stalking on the surface, climbing aboard the trawler, being set on fire or shot at, Ben Chapman is the creature; under the water it’s Ricou Browning, who, as a result of this filming experience, became a director, writer, producer and underwater cinematographer.

Milicent Patrick, supposedly the first woman animator at the Walt Disney Studios, designed the creature’s outfit, though Bud Westmore took unfair credit, as is so often the case with him.

With the fish-man only presumably dead in the end, the writers and producer left room for—that’s right!—a sequel, and not one but two.  Neither The Revenge of the Creature (1954) nor The Creature Walks Among Us (1956) is as good as the original, and although still another remake is rumored, so far the nearest to one is The Shape of Water (2017), which its director, Guillermo del Toro, said was inspired by the 1954 film.

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Butt Goal, Angry Winnipeg, And the Fat Trick

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Kris Versteeg – The Flames had their skills competition, and Versteeg was mic'd up while he chirped the competitors. And by chirped, we're saying he was just really mean to all of them.

The second star: The Fat Trick – Why yes, it's a thing, and the Hurricanes made it happen.

The first star: The Butt Goal – Don't laugh, it's not what it sounds like. This is a goal that was scored with somebody's butt. OK, maybe it's exactly what it sounds like.

Outrage of the week

The issue: Several members of the San Jose Sharks said a few mean things about Winnipeg in a since-deleted tweet. They called it cold and dark, and said Winnipeg was the worst NHL city to play in. The outrage: How dare you make fun of our wonderful city! Is it justified: Sure. Winnipeg isn't anyone's idea of paradise, but it's not a bad little town. And more importantly, making fun of a city is like making fun of a family—you're allowed to do it from within, but if you start throwing barbs as an outsider you can expect some pushback.

Fans and media in Winnipeg had a right to defend their turf, and they did. The best comeback came from Jets' coach Paul Maurice, who deadpanned a nice little monologue about how lucky NHL players are to play anywhere. It struck all the right notes, right down to the self-effacing frappuccino bit.

Good job, coach. And with that minor controversy resolved, we can move on to this week's Obscure Player, who has a Jets connection of his own based on the...

The outrage: Actually, we weren't done. Is it justified: Oh. Um, OK. Carry on then.

The outrage: Here are several local officials who would like to tell you how wonderful our city is! Even the province's premier felt the need to weigh in. Is it justified: Please don't do that. We don't need to bring the politicians into this. Besides, their whole "You're only mad because you lost" thing doesn't even work, since the Sharks players made their comments before the game was played. If you're going to insert yourself into a story that was already pretty much over, at least get your facts straight. Now can we move on?

The outrage: NO WE CANNOT BECAUSE THIS WILL NOT STAND! Is it justified: Sigh. Winnipeg, can we talk?

The Sharks thing was meant to be fun. Yeah, it came across a little over-the-top, and they got their wrists slapped for it. But that's all it was. And most Jets fans seemed to take it in that spirit. But a few of you are getting way too worked up over this. Everyone take a deep breath. Your city needs to chill out. [Checks weather forecast.] OK, poor choice of words. Your city needs to calm down.

Here's the thing: The Jets are good this year. Like, really freaking good. We don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves, but they could absolutely win the Stanley Cup. That's a big step for a team that hasn't won a single playoff game in six years, and it's nice to see some of the most patient fans in the league finally have something to get excited about.

But when you're a good team, a little bit of chirping comes with the territory. Some of it will be good-natured, some of it won't. But it's par for the course, and you need to be able to handle it. Remember last year when the Senators made an unexpected run to the Cup final, people who hadn't watched them every night tuned in and started calling them boring, and half the fan base had an embarrassing tantrum over it? Don't do that, Winnipeg.

The NHL is a weird league, where some markets—Chicago, Toronto, Pittsburgh, Montreal—are front and center all the time, whether they deserve it or not, and there's only a little bit of room left for the rest of the league. Teams like Winnipeg or Ottawa or a dozen others can fall through the cracks and end up being largely ignored for years. That's not fair, but it's how life works in the NHL.

But here's the thing—those teams that are in the spotlight get ripped on all the time. That's what hockey fans do. We're a bitter, angry bunch, and if we see anyone starting to get attention we go on the attack. Ask any Habs fan how much sympathy they're getting right now.

If you follow one of those center-stage teams, you're used to all this. But when you haven't had a taste of the spotlight in a while, it's easy enough to overreact.

So Winnipeg, let's consider this whole Sharks thing as a test run. Can you handle a little bit of heckling, cliched as it was, without taking the bait and melting down? Many of you passed. Some of you did not. And that's fine, since this will all be forgotten in a few days. But when it all happens again in April—and hopefully May and even June—the jabs are going to turn into uppercuts. The same old tired material about your team and your town will be trotted out, round after round. Please be the one fan base that can actually handle it with grace and good humor, instead of circling the wagons and having a group sulk. And tell the politicians to stay out of it.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

For today's player, let's travel back to a time before any mean Sharks sullied the pristine reputation of Winnipeg by picking a name off the roster that brought the city its most recent playoff win. That would mean heading all the way back to 1996. This week's obscure player is Darrin Shannon.

Shannon was best known for his days in Buffalo and then Winnipeg, and is not to be confused with Darryl Shannon, who was best known for his days in Winnipeg and then Buffalo. Darryl was his older brother (and for a time, his teammate in Winnipeg).

Darrin was picked by the Penguins as the fourth overall choice in the 1988 draft, part of a loaded first-round that included four players who'd go on to score well over 1,100 points. Three of those were taken a few picks after Shannon, including Teemu Selanne, Jeremy Roenick, and Rod Brind'Amour. Still, it's not like Shannon was a bad choice, at least compared to the two players who went after him, Daniel Dore and Scott Pearson. (Also picked in that first round: current Jets GM Kevin Cheveldayoff, who went 16th to the Islanders but never made the NHL.)

Shannon was traded just weeks into his pro career, going from Pittsburgh to Buffalo as the key piece in the Tom Barrasso trade. He played parts of four seasons in Buffalo, scoring just 10 goals, before being dealt to the Jets as part of a 1991 package deal for (first-ever obscure player) Dave McLlwain. He broke through as a Jet, scoring 20 goals in back-to-back seasons. And on April 26, 1996, he scored the opening goal in what to this day remains the last Winnipeg Jets playoff win.

That was pretty much his NHL peak. He'd head to Phoenix when the franchise relocated that summer and played two years there and another two in the minors before retiring. He managed 506 NHL games and 87 goals, and once got attacked by Bob Probert and lived to tell the tale. All told, not a bad career.

The NHL is Actually Going to Get Something Right

Lately, it seems like everyone is mad about offside review again. It's not the usual big-picture complaint—that the reviews take too long, are too broad in scope, and teach fans not to get excited about goals that might be wiped out. This time it's about a specific niche of terrible offside reviews: Those infuriating "skate in the air" calls.

The latest example came on Tuesday, and cost the Oilers the tying goal late in a must-win game in Nashville. The Predators already know all about the rule, since it cost them the opening goal in last year's Stanley Cup final. And the Devils lost a pair of crucial goals to the same rule in recent weeks.

To be clear, all of this year's calls have been right based on a strict reading of the rule as written. (The Cup final goal might be a different matter.) The rulebook says that if a player's skate is over the blueline but not touching the ice, he's offside. It might take forever, but the reviews generally get it right.

But it's an awful rule; offside is meant to keep teams from getting an advantage by entering the zone too early, and having a skate an inch off the ice doesn't help them do that. And you don't ever see the skate-in-the-air rule called in real time. You've never seen a play that looked offside get whistled down, then realized on replay that a guy's skate was hovering and thought "Wow, great call by the linesman." If you're like me, you didn't even know the rule existed until you the last year or so. It may be in the rulebook, but from a practical standpoint the skate-in-the-air rule is only ever applied to replay reviews.

So we've got a league that's desperate for more scoring, and they're taking goals off the board based on a technicality that everyone hates. It's the skate-in-the-crease debacle all over. This league never learns.

Or do they?

So there you go. The league is going to review the rule at the GMs meeting in March. Unlike so many issues plaguing the league, this one actually has an easy fix: A skate over the blueline is onside whether it's touching the ice or not. Treat the blueline like football's goal line. You just have to break the plane. Done.

It will be too late for the Oilers and Devils and last year's Predators and all the other teams that have lost perfectly valid goals to a dumb technicality. But it means the rule won't ruin a playoff series.

And sure, maybe you think I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe you're wondering if the league won't hem and haw and then kick the can down the road like they do for any rule change that doesn't involve Sean Avery. But this one is too easy. It's a slam dunk. There's no possible reason for anyone to object to making this simple change. Even these guys can't possibly screw this one up.

So congratulations in advance to the NHL for spotting an obvious problem and taking decisive action to fix it. That's what leadership looks like. Your fans thank you.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

So yeah, things are not going well for the Edmonton Oilers these days.

[Confetti falls from the sky along with a banner reading "This is the 10,000th time a Grab Bag section has started with that sentence."]

Not now, guys. This is serious stuff. The Oilers' season is flatlining, they sound like they're on the verge of major changes, and they've got an entire country gleefully shoveling dirt on them. It's tough times for Oiler fans. We need to cheer them up, with a reminder of better times.

Also, if those better times featured weird cowboys playing cards, that would be cool. Oh they do? Awesome, roll the tape.

We drop straight into the clip without any sort of background or context, which is just the way I like it. Instead, we get closeups of two burly cowboys smoking cigars and playing cards. The guy in red has no poker face and immediately reacts like he has a strong hand. But how strong?

It doesn't take us long to find out, since our two cowboys are playing that version of poker where you just immediately flip over your hand as soon as you look at it. I believe it's called Texas Look Man This Is Just a Hockey Game Intro We Don't Have All Day.

Checkered shirt guy is the first to the felt, and he shows a decent hand: Four aces, with a king kicker. I wonder if the director just thought that four aces was the best possible hand, or if he was genuinely trying to leave some room for suspense that Sheriff Red-Shirt had a straight flush. It's definitely the former, right?

Either way, it doesn't matter, because Red's smile makes it obvious that he's got something even better. He flips over…um…Mark Messier, Wayne Gretzky, Glenn Anderson, Grant Fuhr, and Jari Kurri. That's what we in the poker world know as "A full house of guys who are all going to be traded within the next three years".

Can we just point out how ridiculous it is that you could plausibly pick the five best Oiler players and leave out two-time Norris winner Paul Coffey?

Red rakes the pot, leaving Checkers shaking his head. I mean, yeah that's a bad beat, but you're playing cards with a deck that includes the 1986 O-Pee-Chee set. Try to get a read there, buddy.

A title slides into the frame: "The Leafs Face A Stacked Deck." Man, that was a long way to go for a pun. What kind of wordplay-loving monster could have been behind… oh hey, it's Ron MacLean!

Yes, it's a young MacLean, pulling hosting duties for CHCH. It's February 18, 1987, and the Oilers are facing the Maple Leafs. Now that we have our cowboy card games out of the way, it's on to the standard 1980s intro of swirling logos, a spinning puck, and laser beams slicing up a hockey rink. Don't act like your local broadcast was any different.

By the way, CHCH wasn't even a Toronto station. They were based out of Hamilton, but were the go-to destination for Toronto sports fans looking for hockey, The Red Green Show, or Billy Red Lyons. I have to be reminded every year when my parents' birthdays are, but I still remember that CHCH was channel 11 on our old television set.

MacLean informs us that the Oilers and Leafs have met 24 times in history, which seems low, right? But back then, teams in different divisions only played three times a year, so the math checks out. Because I know you're wondering: Today, the Leafs and Oilers have met exactly 100 times, and the Leafs have come back from that 5-15-4 start to hold a 49-43-8 edge. Don't say I never do research for you.

MacLean then launches into a full and complete list of every 1980s Maple Leafs highlight against the Oilers, which is to say Bill McCreary's open ice hit on Wayne Gretzky and the time Mirko Frycer scored four goals. We covered the first of those in this space a few years ago.

Next up is Rick Vaive, who is still missing his C. He tells us that the Oilers are "probably one of the best teams in the National Hockey League" and that Wayne Gretzky is "probably one of the best players in the league." I don't think "probably" means what you think it means, Rick.

MacLean sets up the game by telling us that the Oilers are coming off what their owner called their worst home loss in years. The final score in that one was, uh, 5-3. Yeah, the Oilers were pretty good.

We get a look at the standings in the Norris, which is bad, and the Smythe, which is good. How bad was the Norris? As MacLean mentions, the Maple Leafs are coming off a season where they finished with 57 points. They made the playoffs and won a round that year.

Finally, we get a look at our broadcast team of Peter Maher and Brad Selwood, and I swear to you I've rewound this part dozens of times and still can't tell if that's a still photo or a live shot.

And that does it for MacLean's intro. So how did the game turn out? Did the plucky young Maple Leafs manage to pull off the upset over the mighty Oilers' stacked deck? Um, yeah… about that.

Epilogue: Cowboy Red shot Checkers in the chest when he caught him trying to sneak a 1984 Topps near-mint Risto Siltanen out of his sleeve. He is still at large.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Butt Goal, Angry Winnipeg, And the Fat Trick published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[polygamyff]

41. Part 4

I didn’t notice that it’s actually very late, is it even safe to walk but Maurice says it is ok. He has gone to pay for the drinks that we had, I am honestly not over the fact Marquis is a dog, he really had three wives altogether, like why the fuck and what the fuck. And then he tried to pawn off Maurice to Naomi for his own personal dirty gain, he wanted to control Maurice. Like Marquis has some sick twisted love for Maurice, he wants Maurice to himself, he wants to have power over him and it’s weird. I am not happy, like he caused so much shit. Imagine being away from your child, he was a child. A four-year-old child in hospital holding another woman’ hand, he wanted Paula not his real mom, like I am shook. I can’t even comprehend this right now, so a three month old baby boy was taken to Spain, Marquis said nanny but lied, he had her lined up and then on top of that he let his second wife look after Joy’ son all the while he didn’t have any other children with Paula, then he had another with Joy again. He was fucking having sex with Joy clearly; I am mind blown by this. Joy legit lost Maurice, I feel like Maurice is upset with his real mother for this, but I always thought Joy had a sad life, I always felt like she was unhappy I get why, my god this is actually terrible “you done arguing in your mind?” Maurice said walking by me “oh, I am not arguing in my mind at all. I am just thinking to be honest; did you pay the guy?” I don’t know why I am asking this when I know he did “what else you think I did?” Maurice held the door open for me “I am not sure, but like honestly Maurice. Are you ok now?” I asked, I am asking because what happened in that bar was very deep, a lot of things were said between us both “erm, I am ok I guess. I just want you” Maurice grinned “me in what way? In your bed, heart or what?” I retorted, Maurice chuckled “you’re so annoying” I laughed wrapping my arm around his “you a feign, you like sex a lot” he is not wrong “well I think it was after Reign, maybe it’s your dick. I am not sure; I think it’s your dick” Maurice and I locked eyes and then laughed “so you think you can start being good? Can you start being mine?” that’s all I want from him “forever and always, I am just regretful of what I did. What I caused you, but I will fix it” I believe him, it’s so quiet walking around here. One minute it was busy of people, now it’s quiet but I didn’t realise the time at all “I wanted to say, you said something about you thought you was pregnant?” Maurice remembered what I said “I did, I felt it but I didn’t want to be because of the situation and I am not ready to be a mother again. I want to enjoy Reign, I feel like we aren’t able to do it because of our own issues, you know what I mean?” Maurice nodded his head “I got to do better for Reign too, what role model would I be to her? When she is able to see how I am, how I was and how we broke up, like you said. I broke up Reign’ family and that shit killed me, I remember it all and I ain’t going to do that, fuck that. I want a normal family and life, I want that. I ain’t going to do you wrong” I do believe him.

I can see the home from a distance, we are close by. It’s been a peaceful walk, I mean I got to hold his arm as we did walk “imagine that though, we wouldn’t have been together if I didn’t push for it” Maurice said “mhmm well I wasn’t interested, you was so miserable. I didn’t know your background so when I spoke to you, it was like wow this man is boring but nope, this old man is funny, sweet and caring. And then I fell for you so quick, like I couldn’t stop myself from falling for you more and more. It’s been eventful, way eventful. I mean it’s been a lot, I think the worst heartbreak was to find out you was married, I think that really broke me. I didn’t eat or sleep for a few days because I was so hurt. I was so in love with you Maurice so it did hurt me, you know” Maurice hummed to himself “I was devastated that you found out, Shawn said just let her go, let her go because what was there to explain. I am sorry for that too” I grinned “look at us thinking of the past, I think I just saw you cry and break down like that. I didn’t like it, I feel like” I sighed out “I feel like me and you are forever, I just want us to take it slow. It’s weird because Jacob doesn’t know me but he gave me the best advice yet, he doesn’t know this but he gave me the rush to get to you, but I think eventually we would have met, just this made it happen quicker” the home is so beautiful in Spain at night, I love to see it like this “I was giving you space, I was going to try and win your heart back. I am just so dumb, like no other woman is worth it. You the one, so yeah. Does this mean we sleeping in the same bed or nah?” side eyeing him “well, depends” I pouted my lips out “on?” Maurice said “on what you suggest?” I am such a feign, he is right “are you proposing sex?” he said, nodding my head “I am proposing you and me, having the best sex. Like we ain’t seen each other in a while sex” Maurice laughed “I see how it is, only if you peck my lips now?” god I love him “is that all it takes” we stopped walking “I am easy, when it comes to you” he said while leaning in for a kiss but for I pulled back “tell me this” placing my arm around his neck “tell me that I am yours, no girl will ever come above me” I want to hear it “I am forever yours Robyn and I don’t even want to lose you, trust me. I am not above you and I am not above you leaving me, I respect you” his lips crashed onto mine, a touch I have longed for so long. I felt emotion hit me, to have him in my arms again. The guy I love, he kept to his word, just a peck. I smiled against his lips before letting out a gentle sigh “you’re emotional?” he said “so are you” I retorted as I hugged him.

It was like Elena was awake for us to come back, that is so sweet “Te esperé! A qué hora llamas a esto? What time you call this” she said “I am sorry, I know you need to lock up, I am here now. Good night though” Maurice pulled my hand along “No seas demasiado ruidosa allí!” she half shouted, Maurice laughed “no, I won’t!” I would like to know what she said, “what did she say?” I said walking up the steps behind Maurice “she said don’t be too loud, I mean who told her such a thing” my phone started ringing “I need to check this” I said to Maurice as he let my hand go, digging into my pocket to get my phone out “I need to take this, it’s my mom” answering the call “hello” I said as I reached the top “Robbie! I am so happy to hear your voice, oh my god. Are you ok?” I breathed out smiling “I am ok mom, I am sorry for not calling you” Maurice yanked the sun hat from my head “I just don’t want you to hate me, you’re the only thing I got Robbie. But I got Reign, I just wanted to tell you that, she is a little emotional though. Has a lot to say but she is sleeping now, I can only tell you what she is like tomorrow but if she is still upset then you need to come back, what did I tell you about this travelling business, I don’t want that for her” walking into the bedroom with Maurice “I think I have made my decision mom, but if she is unsettled tomorrow then call me I will be back but we will talk when I come back on what I have decided” I have missed seeing Maurice’ body but with some actual meat on him “ok, well let me know when you do. I will leave you to it, good night” I will be having a good night “goodnight” disconnecting the call, trying to suppress my smile “am I seeing some skin?” I couldn’t help myself “it ain’t much but you know, better than skin and bones” he doesn’t understand how far he has come “you are right, and you look so well just let me see your dick, let me see if that grew” I laughed “wow! My dick always been big, liar!” walking around him just laughing.

Walking out of the bathroom in nothing but a white lace bra and thong set, Maurice stood up and undid his belt buckle and I don’t know why but that alone turned me on, I want him to fuck me so good. He met me half way around the bed, I gasped when he picked me up. Something I have missed in so long, I wrapped my legs around his waist “Maurice” I smiled down at him, his hands clasped the bottom of my ass, our lips pressed together, tongues flickering in each other’s mouths as he carried me. I moaned into the kiss; I have missed him so much. I have missed him holding me, no weaker Maurice, my strong man. I smiled against his lips as we broke away “I missed this, I missed you” Maurice licked my jaw line, Maurice made his way towards the bed “let me down” I want to do this for him.

Her saliva mixed in with my cum dripping down from the head of my length and I could feel her warm, rapid breath tickling my skin. Robyn stared up into my dark, hazy eyes as my own sweaty, naked body towered over her. My left hand gripped my dick, stroking my full length. Besides the sound of our rapid breathing declining, the room was silent. Silent and mostly dark. Our eyes were adjusted to the dim light. I jerked Robyn’ head back and ran the tip of my dick across her lips, she stuck her tongue out before opening her mouth wide enough for me to slide the head of my dick back in. She hummed out a moan as I filled her mouth and used the smooth flat of her tongue to please me, lapping it around the tip. I thrust my hips forward, slowly inching my dick deeper into her warm mouth. With my hand tangled in her hair I let out a load groan, and almost imploded when Robyn hummed out another moan against my dick. The vibrations coming deep from the back of her throat and traveling. Our eyes were still locked together while Robyn completely worshiped my dick with her mouth, her lips tugged on my dick while her tongue flickered along the tip to the base. Robyn placed her tongue against the roof of her mouth before pushing it forward and gently sucking down.

Slowly pulling back as she allowed my dick to slip from her lips and dangle in front of her, manoeuvring her neck around she placed light kisses along my length until she reached the small area where my dick and my balls met. Her tongue briefly licked there before her mouth claimed my balls, my breathing was becoming ragged. My heart was a beat away from exploding out of my chest, my blood was boiling at the nerve racking feeling that was her tongue pressed up against me. Digging my toes into the rug I stood on, I groaned out her name again. Robyn ran the tip of her curled tongue along the underside of my dick until she reached the head my dick and took me into her mouth again. I cupped the side of her face, holding her head in place. I clenched my eyes shut and my mouth fell open in a daze. My knees went weak as an electrifying sensation completely washed over me.

Breathing out slowly and pulled my softening dick out of Robyn’ mouth, I heaved as I panted. That was the hardest nut I have done in a while “it’s been so long” I feel emotional, I had to laugh and then bit on my bottom lip, she stood up. I walked into Robyn and her nipples pressed against my chest. I pressed my lips against hers, slow and sensual. I placed my hands around her neck as the kiss deepened and then running my tongue down the side of her neck all while gripping Robyn’ hip and, flipping her back against me “get on the bed, ass up” I said in her ear, it’s been a while for me but it’s going to be a quick nut, I just know it. Getting behind Robyn I jerked her waist towards me so that her ass was now pointed and arched up in the air. Robyn rested her head on the covers. Licking my lips looking at Robyn’ ass before spreading her ass cheeks apart, I moaned blissfully at the sight in front of me.

Her pussy was purring for attention and the way her sex glistened from behind, waiting for my length to pound inside of her made my knees buckle. Running my finger across her ass I brought my hand up and smacked her left cheek before repeating the same action with her right. A slight whimper slipped from Robyn’ lips, I roughly pressed my hand over her sex, rubbing my fingers against her sensitive centre. Her whole body curved towards me when I slid three fingers inside of her and flicked my thumb against her core, stroking in and out of her at a sluggish speed “Maurice!” Robyn moaned, rotating her sex on my fingers. Her walls clenched around me and her juices spilled down my hand. I plunged my fingers in deeper, Robyn whimpered with my fingers dancing along her walls before moving my hand back, I couldn’t resist but lick the juices from my fingers, she still taste so good.

I angled myself and sunk deep into her centre, I almost came right then and there as I felt her walls grip and snug me tightly. She squeezed her warmth around my dick and I forcefully bucked inside her, Robyn and I both moaned out in unison, I stilled my motion savouring the moment. I began pounding into her first slowly but then at speed, my right hand found it's place around the back of her neck, I rammed into her at full speed. One powerful toe curling, lip biting, eye rolling stroke after another. My balls slapped against her sex, Robyn’ moaned was in rhythm to my strokes, the sweet sound of her voice. Her yells and moans were beginning to falter, her voice slipping away from her as I kept up with my speed. Slowing down my strokes almost completely, I tiredly thrust into her at a slow pace. I spread her ass apart and watched my glistening dick move in and out of her. I picked up a little speed with one final stoke before catching her off guard and pounded into her fast and hard. She let out an ear-piercing scream, creaming around me and I couldn’t hold off I can’t do it, this is too much “fuck!” I spat as I came inside of her, slowing my thrusts breathing as I came hard. Pulling out of Robyn, she moved onto her as I stroked my dick with a smirk. Pulling Robyn to the edge of the bed and angling my dick to her opening again.

I opened my eyes and thought it was all a dream, it wasn’t. It happened and I couldn’t help but smile, I couldn’t have asked for a better blessing. Robyn and I in the same bed holding each other, my heart right now. She looks so at peace; I love to see her like this. I am not tired, we didn’t even close the blinds, fuck it but it’s early and I need to get ready for this skype interview, I agreed to it. Pressing a kiss to Robyn’ forehead as I got slowly slid out of bed, I am so happy. Like my dick feels free, I feel overjoyed. Like that is my baby, I love her so much and fuck, I just want her every day and every night. I near fell on the floor but caught myself, standing up. Fixing the covers on Robyn, my Bonita is so cute asleep so peacefully. She got what she wanted, she wanted dick. I mean she been wanting dick for a while now, god I love Robyn with my whole heart. Let me actually get dressed to go downstairs, I mean I don’t really want to do this, but I got too. Today is the day, it’s actually a big day for me to be honest.

Wating for the skype call to connect to my publicist, it’s taking it’s time. I am not sure if it is the connection here or there “good morning Mr Davenport, how are you?” she said, shifting in the seat “I am ok, how are you? I know, I was supposed to go to the interview in New York but I had to come to Spain, family matters but I will do this, for you of course” I said, she laughed “and you, we have a lot to celebrate, do you know that. Do you know how big this deal is? You need to stop acting so calm, you look so calm about this” I laughed “that is just me, I am shocked but it’s just me. So on your side, is everything ok? Do I look ok for the interview?” I asked “yeah you do, I have sent the questions on what they can ask, it’s quick but congratulations Maurice, it’s a big deal for you. You have had a lot of negative press in regards to your personal life but look at this, you have done something unimaginable, like you have made Davenport Hotels an even bigger company, this will make you the richest hotel owner, you do know that?” I grinned, I just don’t know what to say “and I can only thank my team, it’s been a slow process but thank you. I will catch you soon, we will meet up ok?” she nodded her head “we all will be watching, good luck” disconnecting the skype “morning” looking behind me “hey” I said looking behind me “sleepy head” she been sleeping for so long, she has the biggest smile on her face “feels good to be sucking a billionaires dick, you needed that” I laughed, she is something else “you deserve that, you deserved to have your dick sucked. I am so proud of you” Robyn came over to me “thank you baby” poking my lips out, she pecked my lips “is the interview now?” she asked “yeah, they will be connecting soon. Are you ok? You can’t stop smiling now” she looks so happy, turning back to look at my laptop “last night was special” Robyn touched my shoulder so I placed my hand over hers and then held her hand, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand “everyone keeps saying I am so calm, it’s because I ain’t backed up anymore” I am so calm about things, Robyn pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

[polygamyff]

39. Part 2

It’s just one of those things, meeting other family members is just tiresome and a judgemental parade and I have to do this. I don’t want too but how can I let Terry down, I mean we got a few hours left until we do but I am just thinking on it. I am a stubborn man; I refuse to get rid of the beard and cut my hair before the wedding because it will be a nice thing to do on the day so I will get my judgemental looks there. My sister is here again, Robyn and my sister are both whispering about some shit and I am sat here worrying about meeting these family members, Shawn is doing some business meeting in California so I can’t speak to him right now “what colour suit did you buy!?” Robyn shouted over to me “why?” I questioned “just want an idea that is all, tell me” I kind of forgot myself “oh yeah, light grey” looking over at her “ok, thanks. What’s wrong?” shaking my head “nothing” I want my sister to go so I can have Robyn to myself “hey there girl” Khaleesi jumped up on the couch “feeling sad too? Same” she laid next to me, she is a good dog. Stroking the top of her head, Reign is asleep for her nap and it’s like I got nothing to do when I do have work in New York but nothing here unless I go Santa Monica but I can’t “Maurice, can you come and get some shopping out from my trunk for me?” Terry has come back from her shopping trip “uh yeah, sure” getting up from the couch, Khaleesi also jumped up. Placing my feet in the slides and making my way out “Maurice, I want you to not wear sweat pants later, jeans and a shirt please” nodding my head making my way outside “thank you, I bought so much” smiling at her “it’s ok, I would have come with you. I am bored here, I got nothing else to do you see” making my way to the car “oh it’s ok, I just needed to get some diapers for Reign and things. Maurice I just wanted to say, that my dad. When you meet him, he will be very blunt. He doesn’t hold back. I don’t want him to offend you, but he is old, and nobody can stop him, but I have spoken to them. I have explained what you have and I can honestly say, you look better that you did so it’s ok” nodding my head “I just hate meeting family members, it’s all politics and they are never happy about something, you know” I chuckled “I understand, but don’t worry. We will be there for you, I am the calmest one there, so you lucky” I laughed nervously, this is great.

Walking back into the home with the most bags I can hold, I did feel like my hands were going to fall off “damn” dropping them on the floor “I have never seen Maurice hold bags before” Nalah said “wow, how domestic of you” pulling a face at Nalah “my hands hurt now” I am being dead ass “how dare you make him work, daddy would not be impressed” walking over to the dining table “well I am in Terry’ home, I obey by their rules. Dad taught me respect, maybe my nanny did. Not sure” pulling the chair out “oh nanny did? I’m Maurice and I had a nanny” Nalah think she is funny “you had private tutor; you laugh at me, but you had that. So, did y’all get a dress? Happy with it?” I asked, I never got to ask last night because I was too damn tired and I went to sleep early, I feel more vibrant now “very happy, Robyn looks so good. Girl spent up too, you better be up for it. What she is wearing under there” Nalah did a chef kiss, both Nalah and Robyn laughed “why, what are you wearing under it?” I asked, “you will find that out brother, once you take it off” oh they got a secret, shaking my head at them both “will I be surprised?” Nalah looked at Robyn “all I know is your sex drive better be turned on, like to the max because I am backed up” I grinned “I got you” Robyn is a feign, I know she been suffering all this time “how are you feeling anyways Maurice, Wade not said anything about Naomi and those papers?” shaking my head “if this goes public, the media will have my ass for it. So this all needs to be lowkey, I am marrying her without divorcing Naomi, yet. I mean I could get locked up for it, Wade said do it because I have the letter she stated and signed that she wanted me to be with Robyn but still be married to her, now if this comes out I could get in trouble but also not be in trouble because I have what Naomi signed, she allowed me to have another relationship, I would then have to pay a fee for marrying again to the court. I mean it’s worth it if I spend a few days in jail” Robyn’ face dropped “what?” I don’t think she knew that “why would that happen?” Robyn said, she really doesn’t know “because he’s doing bigamy, bigamy is not allowed. If this comes out, what he is saying is that if it comes out, he would be arrested but then released because of Naomi accepting the fact he is with you and she wanted to be married to him still, Wade said it’s fine so it’s fine. But he may still get arrested on it, but this may not leak out, because daddy is doing it and he can keep something a secret. So, it’s fine, don’t worry about it” Nalah said on my behalf “I don’t like this Maurice, don’t do it! We can wait” shaking my head “it’s fine, I want to marry you. Life is too short to wait for some bitch to divorce me, if Wade said it was risky he would have said it, don’t worry about it” I didn’t think Robyn would have known that, she is so simple at times “am I worth jail time?” Robyn said “yes you are” I am risking it for her “and people say romance is dead” Nalah said laughing, she thinks she is funny.

Robyn said I need to dress better, but she ain’t packed me shit but fucking sweatpants and tees “the fuck” throwing my tee on the floor of the bedroom, the bedroom door opened and I quickly leaned down and snatched it back off the floor before she saw. Robyn glared at me as she slowly closed the door behind her with Reign on her hip, the two most judgemental women in my life right now. Robyn placed Reign on the bed, propping her up with pillows and placing toys near her “erm, there is no jeans you packed?” I don’t know what she wants me to wear, like this shit is all her stuff “what is this I hear from Nalah, Shawn is taking you to Vegas? Why?” letting out an oh, I see why the sudden attitude change. Throwing my tee on the bed but it near hit Reign “sorry Mi Amor, erm I was going to speak to you about it, I mean like obviously ask you. I didn’t ask him to do anything, why is Nalah speaking for?” what is even her problem “that is not her problem, she was asking me if I wanted to do something, you know. She was being nice, and I goes no I don’t think we have the time but then apparently you are going Vegas? Last night of being single? I mean you’re practically married and lived a single life for years, why would you even ask me such a thing? This poker boys club themed night out, huh?” Shawn really told Nalah all of that “what are you exactly going to do there? When you have just got better” rubbing my face sighing out, Shawn is so dumb “you know I can still drink, smoke weed. You know I can, right?” Robyn frowned at me “Maurice! You are supposed to be living a better lifestyle, so go on ask me?” she is laughing “so you can just say no? You’re irrational, I can’t deal with you when you’re like this, so I will just go and buy myself some jeans to wear and a top tonight, I only have an hour left. I will meet you there” I stepped to the side and so did Robyn “you can’t keep running every time trouble comes your way, a little private party in Vegas. Oh, Maurice Davenport putting a party on, it’s funny. I have heard all about your parties, what stays in your party, stays just there. I don’t think so, no!” Robyn pointed at me “you look real insecure right now” I said “and I am willing to do this for the rest of my life with you, your dad just settled now. Took him years” walking around Robyn, she is irrational, and I can’t be bothered “I said no Maurice!” Robyn shouted at me.

Jogging down the steps, I didn’t want to take an Uber, but I have no choice “oh wait, Leon. You’re here, come. I need to go and get some clothes” he can drive me “thank god. I don’t need an Uber” Terry smiled at me “aww you don’t need to go and get new clothes” she said “I rather be out right now” she don’t understand “sure, let’s go” Leon jumped up from the couch “I guess you heard the shouting?” I knew she did, Terry smiled at me “that is all” she didn’t say anything but that “see you there, I will meet you at the food place” walking behind Leon to go out “hurry up, walk” I can hear Robyn coming down those steps “ok, ok. Negro I am walking” I had to push him out “wow! Maurice, you are better” closing the door behind me “you running from my friend, aren’t you? You are so rude” Leon laughed as he made his way to his car “you are in luck, I have the new Nissan, look at my baby” I don’t care, I just rather be in his car than an Uber, they question my life about everything  “it’s nice” I added, it’s nice for him.

I am glad to be out but there is going to be a time where I can’t run, I hope that never comes anytime soon “so why did Robyn scream I said no Maurice? Oh wait, was it the Vegas thing? I didn’t snitch, I swear. I said it was not my business” Leon didn’t snitch, good of him “my lovely sister did, maybe it was my fault I didn’t mention it but it’s annoying. You can give a woman your all and they still act like this. I don’t like how she acts insecure, talking about I know what you do at these parties. But I am with you, I am happy with you. I go out to have fun and that is it, the rest is history. I would never cheat on her, she gives me sex constantly, she loves me, she is beautiful and a self-respecting woman. Why would I want any other girl that is out there to just suck me dry and go, I don’t want it. I would go with my friends to have a laugh, that is it. My point is, she is acting insecure and I don’t like that. Look at what I am like with her and she does this, you tell me Leon why. I don’t like how she becomes irrational with it all too” I needed to vent and let it out “it must suck for you, to do all these things for her to make her not feel that and then she does, I think in general. Businessmen in high power have that name, women don’t care for Robyn or even your child to be fair. I think Robyn trusts you but not the women around you, they will do anything right?” nodding my head “and would women be there? You and I both know there will be” I didn’t confirm or deny that “I do think you are trustworthy, and you wouldn’t hurt her, but that is Robyn’ insecurity” sighing out shaking my head.

I do always like Balmain clothes, so I will just come here and hope for the best “hi, welcome. I’m Aniyah, do you need any help?” she is a pretty “erm” licking my lips “I guess? I mean you could help; I need jeans and a top. And shoes” she paused and smiled “ok, is this for general shopping or an event. Seems like you don’t care, and you just need something now?” I chuckled “I have to meet some new family members and I never packed anything, I am a busy man you see so I hopped on the jet and came here without anything fancy, so I came here. Then I came and saw you Aniyah, that is now going to help me. I trust you; you look like a lady that got style” she giggled “erm, wow. Oh ok, if you would like to wait for me in the seating area and I can get you things I would say you look good in, your size?” she asked “I trust your judgement” I smiled “come on Leon, let’s go and sit” looking over at Leon, his mouth is wide open “you” he said, pushing him along “oh my, I have never seen such a smooth talker. Oh my, the sex was dripping from your tone, you really got her panties wet, I understand Robyn’ concern” rolling my eyes “not you feeling insecure now” Leon is supposed to be for me “Maurice, I just saw it. The lip licking, the demeanour, the smile. You are a very attractive man, even like this. It’s just weird” Leon talks too much.

Stepping out of the dressing room “be honest Leon, the sweatshirt or this polo tee” turning to the mirror “mhmmm, they both look good actually” I think I do like the polo tee better, it does look better “mhmmm go for the Tee” Leon said “why don’t you buy both? You look great in both of them” turning around to Aniyah “you think?” I smiled at her “yeah, I mean you would look even better if you thought to shave” touching my beard “don’t you think the beard makes me look better? What if I like the beard” she shrugged “I mean I could get used to it?” I sniggered “used to it? Is this your way of saying you want my number? I mean you are pretty but I am engaged to be married” holding my hand up, she let out an oh “but like, what she don’t know won’t hurt” shaking my head “I am a faithful man” walking towards Leon “anyways, I will buy this outfit and the sweatshirt. Leon can you get the tags off from the back. We going to be late” the fact I still got it, I still can get the ladies “mhmmm you are going to be late, Robyn will not be pleased and she will blame me” looking over at Aniyah “you’re not from around here, I mean clearly not. Where are you from? I can’t put my finger on it because it just seems really mixed” I don’t think I have an accent “erm, I am from Texas. Also, Spain, I mean I was born in Texas but then I spent most of my time in Spain” she moaned out “oh so you speak Spanish then?” nodding my head “thank you Leon, so we going to put this through so we can go” Leon side eyed me, Leon is not impressed.

We are slightly late but honestly, I don’t want to go there but also Robyn hasn’t called me about anything anyways “Robyn text me to find out where we was and I said you was shopping still, well half of the time you flirted through it, I mean Robyn is my friend. I don’t like seeing that” I knew that “honestly, that is just me. I speak to everyone that way, females I mean. I don’t mean anything by it, it’s just how I get my business, women are easily pleased. I don’t care for these women I speak too, I only care for Robyn, stop being judgemental like her” they are so anal about me speaking to women, I barely do anything “I am not being judgemental, I just think you’re a very flirty man. I just think it comes with the territory, the job you have. Men in power I guess but I think maybe you could tone it down, or maybe Robyn could put you in a crisis again” Leon being dead ass too “wow, that is rude! Actually, don’t put that in her mind, but also don’t be snitching on me. I am not cheating on Robyn, I said I am engaged, I am not going out of my way to do any of that, I am happy with Robyn. I love her so there is nothing to worry about” I just don’t see the issue; I don’t see why she needs to even worry about me cheating because I would never.

I am very much nervous now, I am here and late so here we go “watch out for Gloria, the loud ass aunt. She harassed Robyn about finding a man and then she kind of knows who she is with, that time a while ago but she never got to meet you like sit down with you. So good luck with that” rolling my eye, Leon tells me now. I kind of remember that time I met some women in a restaurant but I don’t really remember them “you can go in first, seeing as I am like the main attraction in this bitch” walking in behind Leon, my phone pinged in my pocket and then again straight away. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, seeing Shawn has text me. Unlocking my phone and waiting for my message to open “come on” Leon said, stepping inside the restaurant slowly, tapping on the image Shawn sent me, I know this nigga has not done this stupid ass flyer that I am having a party where I have yet to say yes too, closing the picture “just a little poker night, just the boys my nigga. I am sending them this” I read out, I abruptly stopped to text him back.

To: Shawn

From: Maurice

You done told Nalah and she told Robyn! Now Robz is on my ass saying no, you setting this shit up that may not happen! I ain’t dealing with Robz like this, but also her attitude makes me want to go but I will have to let you know, just shut your mouth nigga. Nalah can’t keep her mouth shut bro, it makes it worse thinking I was planning on the low and now I am here with her family and Robz angry with me on top of that.

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Butt Goal, Angry Winnipeg, And the Fat Trick

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Kris Versteeg – The Flames had their skills competition, and Versteeg was mic'd up while he chirped the competitors. And by chirped, we're saying he was just really mean to all of them.

The second star: The Fat Trick – Why yes, it's a thing, and the Hurricanes made it happen.

The first star: The Butt Goal – Don't laugh, it's not what it sounds like. This is a goal that was scored with somebody's butt. OK, maybe it's exactly what it sounds like.

Outrage of the week

The issue: Several members of the San Jose Sharks said a few mean things about Winnipeg in a since-deleted tweet. They called it cold and dark, and said Winnipeg was the worst NHL city to play in. The outrage: How dare you make fun of our wonderful city! Is it justified: Sure. Winnipeg isn't anyone's idea of paradise, but it's not a bad little town. And more importantly, making fun of a city is like making fun of a family—you're allowed to do it from within, but if you start throwing barbs as an outsider you can expect some pushback.

Fans and media in Winnipeg had a right to defend their turf, and they did. The best comeback came from Jets' coach Paul Maurice, who deadpanned a nice little monologue about how lucky NHL players are to play anywhere. It struck all the right notes, right down to the self-effacing frappuccino bit.

Good job, coach. And with that minor controversy resolved, we can move on to this week's Obscure Player, who has a Jets connection of his own based on the...

The outrage: Actually, we weren't done. Is it justified: Oh. Um, OK. Carry on then.

The outrage: Here are several local officials who would like to tell you how wonderful our city is! Even the province's premier felt the need to weigh in. Is it justified: Please don't do that. We don't need to bring the politicians into this. Besides, their whole "You're only mad because you lost" thing doesn't even work, since the Sharks players made their comments before the game was played. If you're going to insert yourself into a story that was already pretty much over, at least get your facts straight. Now can we move on?

The outrage: NO WE CANNOT BECAUSE THIS WILL NOT STAND! Is it justified: Sigh. Winnipeg, can we talk?

The Sharks thing was meant to be fun. Yeah, it came across a little over-the-top, and they got their wrists slapped for it. But that's all it was. And most Jets fans seemed to take it in that spirit. But a few of you are getting way too worked up over this. Everyone take a deep breath. Your city needs to chill out. [Checks weather forecast.] OK, poor choice of words. Your city needs to calm down.

Here's the thing: The Jets are good this year. Like, really freaking good. We don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves, but they could absolutely win the Stanley Cup. That's a big step for a team that hasn't won a single playoff game in six years, and it's nice to see some of the most patient fans in the league finally have something to get excited about.

But when you're a good team, a little bit of chirping comes with the territory. Some of it will be good-natured, some of it won't. But it's par for the course, and you need to be able to handle it. Remember last year when the Senators made an unexpected run to the Cup final, people who hadn't watched them every night tuned in and started calling them boring, and half the fan base had an embarrassing tantrum over it? Don't do that, Winnipeg.

The NHL is a weird league, where some markets—Chicago, Toronto, Pittsburgh, Montreal—are front and center all the time, whether they deserve it or not, and there's only a little bit of room left for the rest of the league. Teams like Winnipeg or Ottawa or a dozen others can fall through the cracks and end up being largely ignored for years. That's not fair, but it's how life works in the NHL.

But here's the thing—those teams that are in the spotlight get ripped on all the time. That's what hockey fans do. We're a bitter, angry bunch, and if we see anyone starting to get attention we go on the attack. Ask any Habs fan how much sympathy they're getting right now.

If you follow one of those center-stage teams, you're used to all this. But when you haven't had a taste of the spotlight in a while, it's easy enough to overreact.

So Winnipeg, let's consider this whole Sharks thing as a test run. Can you handle a little bit of heckling, cliched as it was, without taking the bait and melting down? Many of you passed. Some of you did not. And that's fine, since this will all be forgotten in a few days. But when it all happens again in April—and hopefully May and even June—the jabs are going to turn into uppercuts. The same old tired material about your team and your town will be trotted out, round after round. Please be the one fan base that can actually handle it with grace and good humor, instead of circling the wagons and having a group sulk. And tell the politicians to stay out of it.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

For today's player, let's travel back to a time before any mean Sharks sullied the pristine reputation of Winnipeg by picking a name off the roster that brought the city its most recent playoff win. That would mean heading all the way back to 1996. This week's obscure player is Darrin Shannon.

Shannon was best known for his days in Buffalo and then Winnipeg, and is not to be confused with Darryl Shannon, who was best known for his days in Winnipeg and then Buffalo. Darryl was his older brother (and for a time, his teammate in Winnipeg).

Darrin was picked by the Penguins as the fourth overall choice in the 1988 draft, part of a loaded first-round that included four players who'd go on to score well over 1,100 points. Three of those were taken a few picks after Shannon, including Teemu Selanne, Jeremy Roenick, and Rod Brind'Amour. Still, it's not like Shannon was a bad choice, at least compared to the two players who went after him, Daniel Dore and Scott Pearson. (Also picked in that first round: current Jets GM Kevin Cheveldayoff, who went 16th to the Islanders but never made the NHL.)

Shannon was traded just weeks into his pro career, going from Pittsburgh to Buffalo as the key piece in the Tom Barrasso trade. He played parts of four seasons in Buffalo, scoring just 10 goals, before being dealt to the Jets as part of a 1991 package deal for (first-ever obscure player) Dave McLlwain. He broke through as a Jet, scoring 20 goals in back-to-back seasons. And on April 26, 1996, he scored the opening goal in what to this day remains the last Winnipeg Jets playoff win.

That was pretty much his NHL peak. He'd head to Phoenix when the franchise relocated that summer and played two years there and another two in the minors before retiring. He managed 506 NHL games and 87 goals, and once got attacked by Bob Probert and lived to tell the tale. All told, not a bad career.

The NHL is Actually Going to Get Something Right

Lately, it seems like everyone is mad about offside review again. It's not the usual big-picture complaint—that the reviews take too long, are too broad in scope, and teach fans not to get excited about goals that might be wiped out. This time it's about a specific niche of terrible offside reviews: Those infuriating "skate in the air" calls.

The latest example came on Tuesday, and cost the Oilers the tying goal late in a must-win game in Nashville. The Predators already know all about the rule, since it cost them the opening goal in last year's Stanley Cup final. And the Devils lost a pair of crucial goals to the same rule in recent weeks.

To be clear, all of this year's calls have been right based on a strict reading of the rule as written. (The Cup final goal might be a different matter.) The rulebook says that if a player's skate is over the blueline but not touching the ice, he's offside. It might take forever, but the reviews generally get it right.

But it's an awful rule; offside is meant to keep teams from getting an advantage by entering the zone too early, and having a skate an inch off the ice doesn't help them do that. And you don't ever see the skate-in-the-air rule called in real time. You've never seen a play that looked offside get whistled down, then realized on replay that a guy's skate was hovering and thought "Wow, great call by the linesman." If you're like me, you didn't even know the rule existed until you the last year or so. It may be in the rulebook, but from a practical standpoint the skate-in-the-air rule is only ever applied to replay reviews.

So we've got a league that's desperate for more scoring, and they're taking goals off the board based on a technicality that everyone hates. It's the skate-in-the-crease debacle all over. This league never learns.

Or do they?

So there you go. The league is going to review the rule at the GMs meeting in March. Unlike so many issues plaguing the league, this one actually has an easy fix: A skate over the blueline is onside whether it's touching the ice or not. Treat the blueline like football's goal line. You just have to break the plane. Done.

It will be too late for the Oilers and Devils and last year's Predators and all the other teams that have lost perfectly valid goals to a dumb technicality. But it means the rule won't ruin a playoff series.

And sure, maybe you think I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe you're wondering if the league won't hem and haw and then kick the can down the road like they do for any rule change that doesn't involve Sean Avery. But this one is too easy. It's a slam dunk. There's no possible reason for anyone to object to making this simple change. Even these guys can't possibly screw this one up.

So congratulations in advance to the NHL for spotting an obvious problem and taking decisive action to fix it. That's what leadership looks like. Your fans thank you.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

So yeah, things are not going well for the Edmonton Oilers these days.

[Confetti falls from the sky along with a banner reading "This is the 10,000th time a Grab Bag section has started with that sentence."]

Not now, guys. This is serious stuff. The Oilers' season is flatlining, they sound like they're on the verge of major changes, and they've got an entire country gleefully shoveling dirt on them. It's tough times for Oiler fans. We need to cheer them up, with a reminder of better times.

Also, if those better times featured weird cowboys playing cards, that would be cool. Oh they do? Awesome, roll the tape.

We drop straight into the clip without any sort of background or context, which is just the way I like it. Instead, we get closeups of two burly cowboys smoking cigars and playing cards. The guy in red has no poker face and immediately reacts like he has a strong hand. But how strong?

It doesn't take us long to find out, since our two cowboys are playing that version of poker where you just immediately flip over your hand as soon as you look at it. I believe it's called Texas Look Man This Is Just a Hockey Game Intro We Don't Have All Day.

Checkered shirt guy is the first to the felt, and he shows a decent hand: Four aces, with a king kicker. I wonder if the director just thought that four aces was the best possible hand, or if he was genuinely trying to leave some room for suspense that Sheriff Red-Shirt had a straight flush. It's definitely the former, right?

Either way, it doesn't matter, because Red's smile makes it obvious that he's got something even better. He flips over…um…Mark Messier, Wayne Gretzky, Glenn Anderson, Grant Fuhr, and Jari Kurri. That's what we in the poker world know as "A full house of guys who are all going to be traded within the next three years".

Can we just point out how ridiculous it is that you could plausibly pick the five best Oiler players and leave out two-time Norris winner Paul Coffey?

Red rakes the pot, leaving Checkers shaking his head. I mean, yeah that's a bad beat, but you're playing cards with a deck that includes the 1986 O-Pee-Chee set. Try to get a read there, buddy.

A title slides into the frame: "The Leafs Face A Stacked Deck." Man, that was a long way to go for a pun. What kind of wordplay-loving monster could have been behind… oh hey, it's Ron MacLean!

Yes, it's a young MacLean, pulling hosting duties for CHCH. It's February 18, 1987, and the Oilers are facing the Maple Leafs. Now that we have our cowboy card games out of the way, it's on to the standard 1980s intro of swirling logos, a spinning puck, and laser beams slicing up a hockey rink. Don't act like your local broadcast was any different.

By the way, CHCH wasn't even a Toronto station. They were based out of Hamilton, but were the go-to destination for Toronto sports fans looking for hockey, The Red Green Show, or Billy Red Lyons. I have to be reminded every year when my parents' birthdays are, but I still remember that CHCH was channel 11 on our old television set.

MacLean informs us that the Oilers and Leafs have met 24 times in history, which seems low, right? But back then, teams in different divisions only played three times a year, so the math checks out. Because I know you're wondering: Today, the Leafs and Oilers have met exactly 100 times, and the Leafs have come back from that 5-15-4 start to hold a 49-43-8 edge. Don't say I never do research for you.

MacLean then launches into a full and complete list of every 1980s Maple Leafs highlight against the Oilers, which is to say Bill McCreary's open ice hit on Wayne Gretzky and the time Mirko Frycer scored four goals. We covered the first of those in this space a few years ago.

Next up is Rick Vaive, who is still missing his C. He tells us that the Oilers are "probably one of the best teams in the National Hockey League" and that Wayne Gretzky is "probably one of the best players in the league." I don't think "probably" means what you think it means, Rick.

MacLean sets up the game by telling us that the Oilers are coming off what their owner called their worst home loss in years. The final score in that one was, uh, 5-3. Yeah, the Oilers were pretty good.

We get a look at the standings in the Norris, which is bad, and the Smythe, which is good. How bad was the Norris? As MacLean mentions, the Maple Leafs are coming off a season where they finished with 57 points. They made the playoffs and won a round that year.

Finally, we get a look at our broadcast team of Peter Maher and Brad Selwood, and I swear to you I've rewound this part dozens of times and still can't tell if that's a still photo or a live shot.

And that does it for MacLean's intro. So how did the game turn out? Did the plucky young Maple Leafs manage to pull off the upset over the mighty Oilers' stacked deck? Um, yeah… about that.

Epilogue: Cowboy Red shot Checkers in the chest when he caught him trying to sneak a 1984 Topps near-mint Risto Siltanen out of his sleeve. He is still at large.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Butt Goal, Angry Winnipeg, And the Fat Trick published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv