#maudie and ezra

[personinthepalace]

Inbestigators reunion!! Look at how much they have grown 🥺

From Aston Droomer’s instagram

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

lemme preface by saying that this is very unserious and the writers definitely didn't make mr. mcgillick this way on purpose

with that being said, he is not a good principal and he's not a good person

he's one of those adults who don't respect kids but want the kids to respect him. this can be seen in a couple episodes: the case of the curious new girl and the case of the unhappy camper

curious new girl: mr. mcgillick accuses ezra of stealing ava's money and once it's proven that he didn't, mr. mcgillick's 'apology' is a quick "im sorry i thought you did [it]." he also spends a lot of his screen time talking down to ezra and only really assigned him to look after maudie solely to get him to stop talking

unhappy camper: mr. mcgillick accuses kyle of destroying his phone and refuses to hear kyle out. after archie confesses to him (offscreen) he basically just lets kyle know that he's off the hook and while he does apologize, he spent half of the episode making snide remarks at kyle and ostracizing him from the class (aka ACTING LIKE A CHILD)

he's so useless as a principal as seen in a handful of episodes (it's the same flaw in each so i won't list them) but whenever someone gets in trouble at the school he always says that he'll have a little "chat" with them. WHAT IS A CHAT GOING TO DO? ALL THIS CRIME HAS BEEN HAPPENING AT THIS SCHOOL, IT'S NOT GONNA STOP BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING CHATS *ahem* anyway

it's also suspicious how different mr. mcgillick's energy is toward different kids (in a race kind of way). in the case of the curious new girl, when maudie cut him off and talked over him, she was allowed to while ezra was semi-insulted when he talked over him. many times in the show, when the white students get in trouble, they usually just get one of his famous chats or a calm reaction (ex: mario in the case of the exciting excursion, archie in the case of the unhappy camper, and caitlin in the case of the perplexing painting)

but that calmness sort of goes away with the non-white children (ex: ezra in the case of the curious new girl, kyle in the case of the unhappy camper, and kyle in the case of the burgled bags) granted that last example kinda doesn't fit cause kyle wasn't in trouble in that one but mr. mcgillick still was not that nice to him

so yeah those are some reasons that i don't like henry mcgillick

like i said, this isn't that serious but i think about this show very often and i have many things to say about many different characters so thanks for asking!!

i am a proud mr. mcgillick anti

if anyone who actually knows what "the inbestigators" is cares to know why, i'd be happy to reblog this with reasons but i know that the show doesn't really have a following on here so i decided not to put them (so that im not just ranting to no one)

[ao3feed-jonmartin]

The InBESTigators and the Case of the Monstrous Mannequins

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/lGrWLcg by 5000BeesInATrenchcoat, PrairieDawn A trip to London goes horribly awry for the InBESTigators when Maudie's father is kidnapped by the Circus of the Other and the kids are left to depend on the dysfunctional Magnus Archives crew. Dr. Brian Miller struggles to keep his unfortunate patient and fellow captive, Jonathan Sims alive in hopes that they will be rescued.   Crossover. Mixed script and narrative format. Intended to be accessible fandom-blind. Words: 2488, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The InBESTigators (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F, M/M Characters: Maudie Miller, Brian Miller, Ava Andrikides, Ezra Banks, Kyle Klimson, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Martin Blackwood, Basira Hussain, Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Melanie King, Elias Bouchard | Jonah Magnus Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Georgie Barker/Melanie King Additional Tags: Set in Episodes 99-101 | Circus of the Other Kidnapped Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Canon-Typical The Stranger Content (The Magnus Archives), Canon-Typical The Beholding Content (The Magnus Archives), Canon Typical Cupcakes, Whump, Scarier than InBestigators source material, Autistic Maudie, ADHD Kyle (can it be Kyle otherwise?), Autistic Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Tim Stoker Has ADHD (The Magnus Archives) read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/lGrWLcg

[prairiedawn]

Would love to hear about InBESTigators!

The InBESTigators and the Case of the Monstrous Mannequins is a crossover of the Magnus Archives and an Australian children's program starring four grade schoolers who solve small scale, mundane mysteries around their neighborhood and school. They are adorable. Maudie has a Sherlock Holmes like intellect with an autistic directness underlying a kind, gentle soul. Ezra, Kyle, and Ava round out the group, providing technical support, comic relief and action skills, and social acumen and cupcakes. The Magnus Archives is a five season cosmic horror podcast with a story arc that leads inevitably to the end of the world as we know it. In this story, Jonathan Sims has just been kidnapped by Evil Mannequin ringmaster Nikola--and has become deathly ill. Maudie's father, a physician who is visiting London with the children, is taken to keep Jon alive, and the children are cursed to be forgotten by everyone who has ever known them. Shenanigans ensue. Combining them is quite a lift, but I have the help of the newest ficwriter in the family, @5000-bees-in-a-trenchcoat. Bees write the script-style portions of the work, and I write the narrative sections.

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

Neomi Baker | Neta Boaziz Morelli | Neta Epstein | Netanel Maskelchi | Netiv Nave Maayan | Nevo Arad | Nir Forti | Nir Madmon | Nir Nikita Popov | Nira Ronen | Nirel Zini | Nissim Levi | Nitikorn Sae Wang | Nitzan Goldenberg | Nitzan Rahum | Niv Aivas | Niv Raviv | Niv Tel Tzur | Nizan Libstein | Noa Englander | Noa Farage | Noa Glasberg | Noa Hiel | Noa Zander | Noah Hershkowitz | Noam Elyakim | Noam Liel Efraim | Noam Rabia | Noam Shai | Noam Shalon | Norel Mansouri | Noy Aviv | Noy Maudi | Noy Tiferet Za’afrani | Noya Dan | Noya Sharabi | Nurit Berger | Odaya Swisa | Oded Abergil | Ofek Aton | Ofek Kimhi | Ofek Rabia | Ofer Ron | Ofer Udi | Ofir Tzarfati | Ofra Keidar | Ohad Cohen | Oleg Lipschitz | Olga Naomi Romashkin | Omer Hermesh | Omer Siman Tov | Omer Zadikevitch | Omri Ahrak | Omri Lavi | Omri Ram | Or Akuni | Or Tasa | Or Ziv | Orel Abuhazera | Orel Pesso | Oren Aharon Vaknin | Oren Goldin | Oren Haim Ben Hemo | Ori Danino | Ori Tchernichovsky | Ori Yaish | Oriah Litman | Orión Hernández Radoux | Orit Sela Svirsky | Oriya Litman Ricardo | Orly Schwartzman Pinko | Oron Beilin | Oron Bira | Ortal Bobets Ben Ayun | Ossama Abu Issa | Ossama Abu Madiam | Oz Moshe Ezra | Padam Thapa | Papontanei Pongkrueh | Pathay Kiyatissek | Patnibin Maxwell | Patti Kiatisk | Paul Vincent Castelvi | Permutter Daniel Vadai | Pessia (Pessi) Cohen | Petro Bosko | Phichit Najan | Phirun Thanonphim | Phithak Tholaeng | Phongphat Suchat | Pongsatorn Khunsree | Prof. Sergei Gridskol | Rabbi Binyamin Rahamim | Rabbi Elimelech Wasserman | Rafael Fahimi | Raffi Mordo | Raffi Svisrsky | Rahel Rachel Deb | Raj Kumar Swarnakar | Rajan Fulara | Ram Sela | Ram Shalom | Ran Itamati | Ran Shefer | Ravid Arie Katz | Raz Bukobza | Raz Mizrahi | Refale Meir Maskelchi

These are the names of just a few of the victims of October 7, those murdered by the horde of Nazi savages from Gaza, or those kidnapped and imprisoned within that moral sewer.

On October 6, all of these people were alive and minding their own business. They were living their own lives. Islamic terrorists from Gaza took that all away from them, leaving a permanent scar on their communities and the entire nation of Israel.

More names will be coming up soon.

[wulfricnavy]

Saw this and remembered you haha!

OH YOOOOO, WHATTTT

They looks so cool!! Ezra went from cartoon smart boy to wattpad smart boy, lmao-

And look at Kyle!! Dude has 'coolest guy at school' vibes!! And Maudie and Ava!!

Dude, I miss the show so much 😭😭

[deathboytm]

on god watch inbestigators on netflix for wholesome 10 year olds solving mysteries content 

[puriette-archived]

AND,,, here are the big list of names that we have (there's so many so there might be repeating ones but here you go <3): scooter, brick, casper, jack, crew, casey, arcade, alistair, billiards, landline, elias, silas, adrian, link, valentine, august, beau, marlow, francis, sardonyx, marion, laurence, blip, shutter, pierrot, wake, jamie, angel, piper, harley, paris, caspian, reverend, percival, reagan, nocturn, oracle, augury, helix, gabe, galileo, gale, geo, gyro, gizmo, orion, scorpius, canis, cygnus, corvus, draco, leo, perseus, hydra, betelgeuse, felis, apollyon, puffin, portia, valerian, florian, snapdragon, longhorn, cicada, juliet, toad, cricket, pretzel, chalcedony, carcass, bastion, catacomb, carrion, hunter's moon, ouzel, blackbird, pallid, plenilune, varmint, viol, orchid, mantis, eventide, armory , zealot, lacrimosa, argos, camisado, versailles, alexander, apollo, alcinder, august, elias, julius/jules, knight, valor, leonidas, lionel, pheonix, roman, titus, victor, percival, raegan, carnival, pierrot, dallas, crew, fin, august, val/valentine, jace, orca, gale, sam, squid, leif, sage, caspian, ajax, otto, april, alva, scout, quinn, briar, chalcedony, carcass, otis, bastion, catacomb, carrion, hunter's moon, ouzel, blackbird, pallid, plenilune, varmint, viol, orchid, mantis, eventide, armory, zealot, lacrimosa, argos, camisado, versailles, galileo, gambit, billiards, polybius, arcade, dallas, paris, rome, cable, crew, roo, alois, alastair, caspian, orca, adrian, anchor, dune, crew, erasmus, galiot, heron, landline, twain, gamecube, mechanism, sweepstakes, sundial, archibald, jello, circle, adobe, orwell, pompeii, andromeda, hailey, sirius, stardust, satellite, solar flare, sunspot, waning, titan, keiper, rover, orbit, dipper, ursa, hercules, constellation, belt, rings of fire, red storm, fog, crypt, cloud, frost, hail, daze, dream, drowze, haze, solar, nova, moon, moonwake, floral, rustle, clover, aesthete, splash, poe, bard, stanza, accius, byron, dante, edgar, virgil, wilde, verse, ballad, sonnet, anaphora, lyric, muse, amadeus, tybalt, eldric, alois, beryl, elliot, jasper, sawyer, oslo, raegan, ronan, casper, boris, bruno, chess, arcade, randy, drew, max, landline, browser, mug, cappucino (cino), tulip, mortimer, wilfred, barnaby, sonny, monty, colton, sawyer, cooper, landon, finn, cody, hayden, ashton, miles, arlo, jasper, oscar, ezra, milo, everett, rhys, silas, soren, beckett, river, felix, theo, elliot, william, bowie, baxtor, jax, jay, kaz, magic, alphie, millie, valerie, versailles, paris, jackie, rue, rose, fiore, callie, oliver, francis, charlie, jamie, reese, landline, battery (or battery acid), keyboard, gravel, vault, raegan, nemesis, jasper, sylvester, mars, calamity, valentine, francis , paris, charlie , sticker, pretzel, puffin, junction, chalcedony, dial, cuckoo, alastor, static, livewire, rex, eva, sandie, bouncer, florida, salem, asterisk, lucielle, luminare, cassandra, casanova, alastor, arwen, casimir, dorian, kato, cato, morrigan, basil, anise, cassia, ellis, lennon, xephrys, phineas, theon, castiel, edmond, eldrich, aero, genevieve, gwenivere, aislinn, cordelia, gaia, hera, elsa, ada, ezra, gale, gael, beau, alfred, ackerly, otto, otis, augustine, doris, iris, ida, esther, josephine, alma, beatrix, elsie, effie, alistair, leon, percival, gilbert, atlas, auden, audin, adonis, maynard, hadrian, celia, maude, maudie, rumble, ranger, alistair, aristocracy, delegate, podium, loverboy, cupid’s arrow, lovesick, lovestruck, painted hearts, rose, jaime, reid, rodney, gregg, fang, jock, laurens, pierre, cinn, markus, xander, zane, chartreuse, bumples, RGB, chroma key, the pencil of the earth, palooza, puppet pin, prelude, sizzle, breakfast, clearance, bozo, plasticine, megara, ophelia, delaney, vincent, melinda, seren, cassiopia, darling, griffyn

[espopstar]

Hehe The InBESTigators is great I like it. Little mystery kids. And Maudie’s a girlboss, she’s my favorite. I also really like Ezra. None of you know what I’m talking about but this is my one exception for preferring animation. It’s not like a comfort but close I like it a whole lot.

[starzels]

The show "the inbestigators" on Netflix should get more hype.

Like, the characters on that kid's TV show to me, was well written and nice!

Kyle is one of the sporty kid who likes sports but isn't that smart.

Ezra is a smart kid, but still acts like a kid.

Ava is that one loyal/trustworthy and fun friend who loves glitter and cupcakes.

Maudie is literally the kid that acts like a grown up detective in a child body.

WHY IS nobody paying actual attention to this show? (You know what? I'm probably just going to write more stuff about them in the future)

[personinthepalace]

Maudie and Ezra [Be Your Guy by DynaMIGHT] - The Inbestigators

Updated version of my first ever fanvid! Also happy (early) birthday to The Inbestigators!!

[airandangels]

I'm watching Australian children's TV again, because why not, and Ezra in The InBESTigators just had a rather delightful line.

"I think sometimes I get tongue-tied around Maudie because she's so smart... Either that or I panic, because I'm not used to the pressure of being taller than someone."

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

AUGUST PICKS!

And we’re back with another month wrap up! August involved a lot of TV watching (as per usual), but I feel like I watched a lot of things I’ve already talked about before (ex: The 100, Violetta). So it was a little bit harder to feature some new titles. I felt accomplished this month because I finished quite a few series. So, without further ado...let’s do this!

Spoilers!! But you knew that already :) 

..

...

......

So I know I’ve spoken about some of these shows A LOT recently, but I still had to include them in this wrap up because they were a good amount of the month. (Even if they feel like they were so long ago.) 

CURSED

This book to screen adaptation on Netflix following Nimue (AKA the Lady of the Lake) re-invents the King Arthur myth. It was an entertaining and enjoyable watch that makes me hope there’s a second season. There were certain parts that bothered me and I wish some characters had more time on screen, but as someone who likes King Arthur and fantasy TV I’d recommend it. 3/5 for me. 

For more on my thoughts regarding the show check out my earlier post: **Spoilers** Featuring Cursed

DC’S STARGIRL

A show that I’ve often been documenting my reviews/feelings after watching each episode. (That’s how you can tell IT’S THAT GOOD.) While it was a bit slow in the beginning (mainly because of it having the quality of being on a streaming service-ending on a cliffhanger for you to binge the next episode immediately kind of feel), it picked up and has easily become one of my favorites for the year. (YEAH...I KNOW. I SAID YEAR.) You can check out my page for more specific reactions in my posts, but here are some of the moments that stick out to me the most when I think about season 1.  

I can’t wait for season 2!!

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

June doesn’t feel like that long ago, but because I started season 1 two months ago (and because of the world of quarantine) it feels like a long time ago. Especially when this show is only 18-20 episodes that are each about 20/25 minutes. For me, I enjoyed season 1, but not as much as seasons 2 and 3. I definitely watched the first season slower because of this. Once the Ba Sing Se plot happened I was very invested. I enjoyed most of Book 2 in the Earth Kingdom before this, but Ba Sing Se was definitely the best. I was so impressed that they put that into a kid show. Then again, there’s so much in this show that is well done and brings up such relevant issues to a younger audience. I loved following Aang, Katara and Sakka and enjoyed Toph’s addition to Team Avatar. Overall I think Uncle Iroh is my favorite character in the show. I loved all the wisdom he had and how he saw the best in Zuko the entire time. Their team up was great and I am so happy he got his tea shop in the end. His escape from prison was amazing. I love a good redemption arc and from the start was excited to see Prince Zuko’s (it’s one of the ‘spoilers’ I knew going in). I think it was really well done and I liked how they showed him struggling with it. The last agni kai between Zuko and Azula was such a beautiful scene and the music score behind it was so chilling. I love how they chose a slow, instrumental song to play in the background. It’s not what I was expecting and it was such an awesome choice. Overall, I really liked the music and have added it to my writing playlist. I’m really glad I decided to watch Avatar the Last Airbender. 

From one binged show starting in June to another....

VIOLETTA SEASON 2

It’s crazy; you don’t think 80 episodes would go by that fast, but they do. Once you hit episode 50, I just zip by the rest in the season. So many of the plots get SO GOOD, you can’t help but watch so many episodes back to back (to back). For season 2, episode 75 was one of my favorites for the whole season. I love how some of the cast actually got to go to Madrid. (Even the intro music changed when they were there.) Diego really grew on me. I loved the added plot of discovering who his dad is! Feels very telenovela. Gregorio’s reaction was priceless-such great acting-and I loved how much it has changed his character so far. I’m excited to see where he is headed for season 3. 

Leonetta forever! The reason they weren’t together was a bit weak, but I get they needed the love triangle. Overall the Leon/Violetta/Diego love triangle was a lot stronger than season 1′s (in my opinion). It felt better developed. I enjoyed a lot of the couples this season. Frederico and Ludi are a pair I didn’t know I wanted till it happened. Olga and Ramallo actually got a kiss!!! I loved hearing Ramallo talk about how Olga is the only woman in his life. So rare to see such emotions from him. Fran and Leon’s friendship was adorable. I loved their moments in Madrid. She was their #1 shipper. I know in the beginning I said there wasn’t a lot of music and performances, but as the season progressed we definitely got a lot of new songs (which I cannot stop singing). I miss my time at the Studio and hope the third season will be streaming on Disney Plus soon. I heard it could be September 18th so fingers crossed!! 

THE INBESTIGATORS

Filling the void that was left by Little Lunch (and produced by the same studio) is the InBESTigators! A show that follows 4 elementary students who live in Australia and solve mysteries. One of the things I really loved about Little Lunch was how serious they made really trivial, kid-like things sound. I have often described it as an Office-like children’s show, where they talk about their problems directly to the camera and give several ‘Jim’ stares and glances to the camera. With the InBESTigators it’s a similar set up where our four sleuths, Ezra, Maudie, Ava and Kyle, relay a mystery they solved directly to us the viewer, while we watch in flashback. All of the mysteries are typical things that could happen in school or home; from overwatering a neighbor’s prize-winning flowers, packages getting stolen, a lost notebook or catching a cheater during a test. All of the kids are entertaining and funny. They each have a different dynamic that brings something to the team. Currently two of the seasons are on Netflix, and there will be a third season (but who knows when it will be filmed-I’m just happy it will eventually happen). 

If you’re looking for a fun/light-hearted watch look no further. You’ll have a good time. 

UNITED WE FALL

This ABC sitcom fits well on the network and like it would be on Friday nights, but has a stronger day in airing thanks to the pandemic. I hadn’t really heard much about the show and then BAM it was advertised. It felt like the network had it in its back pocket. Nevertheless, I am really enjoying it. The actors have a nice dynamic and it is very funny and relatable. I like how it represents a family with two different cultural backgrounds, but doesn’t make that the main focus of the show. Instead it is discussed naturally. Overall, I don’t know how many people know about it, so I wanted to share it as one of my picks for the month and suggest you watch it if you are looking for something both funny and optimistic. 

DOUBLING DOWN WITH THE DERRICOS

I LOVE this family! As TLC is a network with predictable choices in TV shows, one about a family with multiples does not seem shocking. However, this is not your average family with multiples. At the start of the show, Karen and Deon have a total of 11 children (with only two of them being what they called ‘singletons’). They have twins, quints, and another set of twins (that would have been triplets). Her last three pregnancies were multiples and then she becomes pregnant with triplets. AGAIN! This family is considered a miracle because she had no IVF or anything like that for her conceptions. I love watching them because they seem like a great group to be apart of. They are what the epitome of family should be like. There is so much love. I know when my family watches the show we are all so impressed by how well behaved all of the kids are. People with half the amount of kids often have trouble teaching them to behave. I highly suggest giving the Derricos a watch. New episodes are now airing on TLC. 

SOME LAST MINUTE ADDS....

I know Ben Platt’s concert has been available on Netflix for a while now, but I just got the chance to watch it this month. It was SOOO GOOD and I was upset when it was over. It felt so fast! I had already added a lot of his songs to my playlists, and after watching added the last few I had missed. Now I’ve been listening non-stop. I loved how his concert welcomed us so much into his personal life. The added stories in-between songs helped to see why he created that specific one. Watching the concert was a fun time and something you should consider if you are feeling down during quarantine. 

Every Saturday night we try to watch a movie while we eat dinner. It’s become a new tradition since quarantine began and we were unable to go out to eat or to the movies. This week Jojo Rabbit was the pick. Going into the film, I didn’t know much expect, but that it was a comedy and I assumed a satire. What I didn’t expect was how dark of a turn it would take. It’s amazing how a film can have you laughing uncontrollably at the start and then have you crying at the end. This is definitely a film I could see analyzing in a film studies class. There was so much foreshadowing and moments where so much more was going on then what was shown on the surface. I think it did a great job making the viewer think not only about the time in which it was supposed to take place, but also our current world. I know it’s a good movie when it still has me thinking about it days later. I even did some research into it after watching. Definitely can understand the hype about it and will watch it again in the future. 

When I was putting this list together I was just starting to watch Umbrella Academy. I know, I’m late to the party, but with the newest season coming out this summer I knew it was now or never. (I just had to finish some of the other stuff I was watching first.) Currently, I only have 1 episode left in the first season and am really enjoying it. I was pretty good about spoilers going into it, so a lot of it was new to me. I made some theories on who I thought would be the cause of the apocalypse and so far I am right. I am very interested to see how this season ends and get into the next one because I heard that the majority of people liked that one more. I’ll have a more detailed review in my September Picks, I’m sure of it!  

[inyourflesh]

Les conseils beauté du professeur Lazare #5

Bonjour mes petites chéries, bonjour mes petits choux !

Docteur Lo(v)gan m’a fait venir, pour cette fois. Oui oui ! Vous avez bien lu ! Il m’a demandé expressément d’intervenir sur son réseau à LUI ! Et pourquoi ? Eh bien, pardi… Pour parler de lui ! Ce moment ultime devait arriver ! Mais ça n’en est pas moins jouissif que de recevoir une requête de ce Dieu vivant ! Et quoi de mieux que votre bon petit diable pour s’en charger ? C’est parti… Traitons ensemble le problème que rencontre notre bon vieux Carter.

Mais avant de commencer, analysons la problématique de notre hôte : « Je me permets de vous écrire aujourd'hui parce que je suis totalement désespéré. Il y a quelques années encore, j'étais un fantasme vivant, entouré d'une immense cour pleine de femmes prêtes à tout pour attirer mon attention. On rêvait de moi la nuit et ma seule présence suffisait à transformer une assemblée de femmes en cascade. J'ai choisi la plus jeune et la plus souple d'entre elles pour devenir ma femelle officielle (malgré ce qu'on raconte, je suis un homme intelligent), mais elle vient malheureusement de décéder... Je pensais qu'à l'heure de me retrouver veuf, mes prétendantes redoubleraient d'efforts pour me réconforter, mais il s'avère que suite à la propagation de rumeurs disant que je suis maudit et que quiconque ose s'offrir à moi risque de mourir dans d'atroces souffrances, plus aucune demoiselle n'ose lever les yeux dans ma direction... Un bon ami m'a donc conseillé de me tourner vers vous, disant qu'un petit relooking motiverait les troupes de mes admiratrices et m'aiderait à trouver la future madame Carter ! Je remets donc mon destin entre vos mains. Aidez-moi, pitié, ma défunte femelle n'a pas pu me satisfaire alors qu'elle était gravement malade, cela fait donc plusieurs semaines que je retiens tout et mes nerfs commencent à lâcher !! » Bla bla bla… Tout ce que j’ai lu, c’est « Pourquoi lorsque j’ai une femme en cloque, soit je perds le gniard, soit je perds ma femme ? » pas vous ? Bon… Trève de mauvaise foi, on va s’y mettre et y aller ce coup-ci par découpe chirurgienne : Ezrouille ? Rapporte-moi la scie à métaux s’il te plaît

Logan, qu’est-ce-que c’est comme concept ?

Logan est le juste mélange entre un hawaiien et un char d’assaut. Mais attention, pas de mazout ! Vu son tempérament, on tourne au 95 ! Dans le genre « je défonce des portes ouvertes », on est sur un sommet ! Chef de Fort Hope, et ayant une Aston Martin DB4. Ouai, c’est important, on dit que les voitures sont la première chose qu’une femme regarde chez un homme. Non ? Dîtes moi que c’est vrai, par pitié ! Je trimbale ma Chevrolet Corvette C1 de 62 exprès pour ça ! Peu importe… Logan c’est aussi un père de… Beaucoup d’enfants, si on en juge le tas de mômes qui vivent chez lui. Si ce ne sont pas les siens, il peut remercier les services sociaux de ne pas avoir survécu à l’apocalypse. Mécano de carrière, la seule chose qu’il ne sait pas retaper c’est son petit cœur meurtri.

Il y a quelques années encore, j'étais un fantasme vivant… 

On va d’abord s’arrêter sur ce point : les choses ont changé, Loganouchou ? Mais oui, bien sûr, qu’elles ont changé. Pourquoi ? Je me réserve de parler de ta tignasse pour plus tard. Je vais te dire ce qui freine cette meute de femmes en chaleur dès ton arrivée : ton prénom. Suis-je le seul à le penser ? Tu as un prénom de bagnole mon grand. Et pas de la luxueuse ou de la sportive ! Non non… Celle qui ne fait que t’emmener au travail pour gagner un salaire de miséreux et permettre à ta conjointe de se payer du maquillage lowcost.

On est tombé loin de Jean-Luc Chevrolet, ou de Bernard Maserati ! On est du Logan Dacia ! De quoi vite en refroidir plus d’une. Ou d’un. Oui, mon chou, tu as bien lu ! Certains se mettaient à écrire des fanfiction yaoi sur toi ! Mais pourquoi seulement maintenant, me diras-tu ? Eh bien pour la simple est bonne raison que je l’ai décrété ! Depuis quand dois-je avoir un regard objectif appuyé d’arguments concrets ? Je suis Lazare, mon chou, le maître de la décadence et de la connerie humaine ! Pardon, je dois en remettre un à sa place… : Ezra tu n’as pas pu faire ce tatouage ! Tu dépasse quand tu colories sur les gens ! Celui-ci est bien fait ! Oui… Oui, c’est ça, continues de t’entraîner pour me faire un mojito. Merci. J'ai choisi la plus jeune et la plus souple d'entre elles[…]mais elle vient malheureusement de décéder. Premièrement, es-tu sûr qu’elle t’était fidèle ? Je pense que tu n’es pas sans savoir qu’elle a été très très proche d’un certain Traeger, pas le passé. N���a-t-elle pas elle aussi perdu de ce fantasme pour toi ? Ensuite, ta malédiction. Eh oui ! Tu es maudis, mon chou. Et ce n’est pas un sort de pacotille qui transforme un poufsouffle en canard boiteux, mais plus de celles qui transforme un « Pousse ! Souffle ! » en « Repose en paix ! » Quand ce n’est pas la dame qui y passe, c’est le morveux. Dans les deux cas, ça refroidi aussi. Dans le sens figuré comme propre… Je pense que ces dames n’ont ni envie de mourir, ni envie de voir leur progéniture y passer. Certes, je ne comprendrais jamais cet attachement à des petits… Quoi ? Trop loin ? Tu as raison Ezra, je m’arrête là. On va dire qu’elle ne supporte pas de voir ce truc mignon sorti de leur entrailles y passer aussi. On ne va pas s’attarder sur ce point, je pense que tu en as déjà bien conscience. Toutefois, on va chercher comment y remédier : les préservatifs ! Eh oui ! Si madame n’est pas enceinte, elle ne risque rien, pas vrai ? Et s’il n’y a pas de mômes à léguer à la faucheuse, alors il n’y a pas de deuil ! Donc… Je te conseille fortement de t’intéresser à une nouvelle marque post-apocalyptique : Sinex. Oui, Ezra, c’est la contraction de Sinead Alex. Non, Ezra, je n’ai pas dit d’utiliser leurs boyaux… Mais repose ce couteau ! On ne va pas les étriper maintenant ! Elles viennent d’arriver ! Fichtre ! Je perds contrairement le contrôle sur ce jeune… Sans transition, la suite !

Je remets donc mon destin entre vos mains. Mon chou, ce n’est pas ton destin que tu dois mettre entre mes mains. C’est autre chose que tu devrais mettre entre les tiennes ! Oh oui, je pense bien à ça, Ezra ! Quoi ? Comment ça ta main est trop grande ?... Je… On passe à la suite, pas la peine de m’attarder sur ce point. Le mot de la fin ? Sans rire, c’est tout ? Rien de plus ? Non, non, non ! Ce n’est pas possible que ça s’arrête maintenant ! j’ai promis au début que je parlerai de sa tignasse ! Ezra, je ne pensais pas dire ça un jour… Tatoue moi un autre sous-titre, et que ça saute ! Le mot de la fin? J'en ai pas encore fini! Merci mon chou… Donc… Tu pense avoir perdu ton sex-appeal avec le décès de ton épouse et la confirmation de ta malédiction ? Je te propose un autre point de vue : ça va trop vite entre vous. Je ne sais pas qui est encore la future madame Carter, mais je suggère qu’elle s’appelle Pilar. Quoi ? Carter Pilar est un très bon jeu de mot… Peu importe ! Tu viens d’enterrer ta rousse, et tu veux déjà passer à la suite. C’est beaucoup trop tôt ! Et ce ne sont pas les paroles d’une pucelle réticente pour sa première fois… Il a fallu te marquer au fer rouge sur tes fesses que tu n’étais plus disponible sur le marché pour calmer les ardeurs de certaines. Il faut du temps pour que ça cicatrice et qu’on ne voit plus écrit « Propriété de Joy Carter » ! 

Mais j’ai une question… On l’a déjà survolé dans l’ancien article et un peu plus haut… Es-tu sûr que tu aies conservé ton sex-appeal même avec ta dame ? Pourquoi s’est-elle beaucoup rapprochée de ce cher Dédé, à tel point que tu parviennes à douter de ton lien paternel avec l’enfant qu’elle a mis au monde ? Même si ce sont sur les dires de Joshua, n’était-ce pas quelque chose que tu t’attendais déjà à entendre ? Le terrain n’y était-il pas favorable ? Carter l’infidèle L’infidélité potentielle de ton épousailles met en évidence une chose : l’es-tu toi-même ? Une rumeur n’aurait-elle pas couru à une époque ? Non pas que rester aussi proche de ton ex soit un problème, mais c’est quand même méga super suspect ! Peut-on parler de risque de Julieto-récidive probable ? Un zizi en sursis de tromperie ? Harvey ? Une suggestion ? Un… Un touche-pipi non tolérable ? On va t’accorder le bénéfice du doute mon grand, pas sûr que tu aies souvent vu le loup. Mais l’idée est là, en effet !... Non… Non Ezra… Pas un Zizicoptère dans un autre héliport là c’est… Non… Rhabille toi, mon petit. Et je ne parlais pas de ta taille générale, si tu vois ce que je veux dire… On s’éloigne du sujet, les enfants ! Concentrez-vous ! Reprenons… Donc une épée de Damoclès sur la rouquine. Et partager sa maison avec sa meilleure amie… C’est bon pour les années facultés ! Après ça devient super gênant ! Est-ce-que cette complexité émotionnello-partouzaire est un terrain favorable pour débuter une nouvelle relation ? Je ne pense pas ! On potasse la tignasse ! L’heure a sonné ! C’est le moment de causer sérieusement d’un risque sanitaire planant sur Fort Hope… Que dis-je ! Avec ton nouveau service d’import-export de poux fournis par les treillis, c’est tout le commonwealth qui est menacé ! Ta pilosité ! Si l’Head&Shoulders pouvait suffire il fut un temps, il y a fort longtemps qu’on n’en remplit plus les rayons. Plus de shampoing digne de ce nom. Et concernant ta barbe de mâle alpha, à part t’appliquer un peu d’after-chèvre de production Gladys, qui est loin d’être incontestable comme solution, tu n’as plus l’opportunité de l’entretenir comme il se doit. Ma suggestion ? On coup tout, chef ! Sortez le sabre à kébab, supplément salade-tomate-oignon, il ne faut pas faire dans la dentelle avec Carterlosité ! 

Le mot de la fin ? Oui ! On y est !

Pour conclure, je résumerai qu’il ne suffit pas d’être un ours bourré de charme et de testostérone pour attirer toutes les donzelles du quartier. Pour retrouver l’amour, il faut faire une réelle campagne de promotion. Avertir la populace que Logan est dans la place. Parler à leur cœur avant de parler à leur… Non Ezra, je ne peux pas lire ça… Tu vas devoir agir comme un jeune prépubère cherchant sa proie pour l’accompagner au bal de promotion. L’amour ne tombe pas tout cuit ! Alors au boulot ! Et vire moi ces sacs à patates qui te servent de vêtements ! Il est temps de passer au costard, mon grand !

Je pense que c’est une conclusion parfaite ! Lo(v)gan, je vous rends l’antenne et fichtre… Merci de m’avoir confié votre cas. Je me sens tout… Vous savez, très cher, je ne risque pas de tomber enceinte ! Si vous voulez, nous pouvons envisager de…

On n’est pas là pour ça, tout à fait Ezra ! J’attends la prochaine victime, en attendant… Protégez vous grâce à nos nouveaux préservatifs SINEX, partenaires de cette émission !

A vous les studios ! Cordialement, Lazare. PS : Cet article est de l’humour de second degré et avant tout de l’auto-dérision envers Lazare et son joueur.

[zhumeimv]

The InBESTigators Season 1 Trailer Fandango Family

The InBESTigators Season 1 Trailer Fandango Family

Date: 2019-07-31 21:23:55

[aoa id=’0′][dn_wp_yt_youtube_source type=”101″ id=”gKI9dIhG3ww”][/aoa]

Check out the new The InBESTigators Season 1 Trailer! Let us know what you think in the comments below.

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US Air Date: August 9, 2019 Starring: Abby Bergman, Anna Cooke, Aston Droomer

[personinthepalace]

Ezra: Maudie, hole punch.

Maudie: I don't have a hole punch.

Ezra: Maudie, stamp.

Maudie: Why would I have a stamp??

Ezra: Do you at least have scissors???

Maudie: Ezra, I'm a girl. Not a pencil case.