#matthew u r so dear 2 me

[seokmatthewz]

matthew tweets that don't feel real

[mlem2460]

TC Notes

Livin' in the Overflow

Part 4

Optimism is not an option, it's an order

Michael Todd

does the time u spend w God last past the time u spend w God?

ur personal time w God should overflow into other parts of ur life

sidebar: i had Jesus tell me to shut up in a convo 1time & it felt very rude (completely deserved & i realized i was bein a hypocritical bish & He had me go back to apologize, but still....)

overflow = whatever u need, already there & available when u need it

I'm living in the overflow

the thought of order can become overwhelming

u dont need to get it all together, u just need to take a step in the right direction

journey w Jesus bout progression, not perfection

Philippians 4:8 NLT

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.

optimism is not an option, its an order

order don't happen in ur hands first, it happens in ur head

ur actions follow ur mindset

the church needs to be more optimistic; cause it aint an option, its an order

\\\ optimism = hopeful & confident bout the future/successful outcome of an something \\\

change of scenery w the same thoughts just give u a new tent for the same circus 🤡

if God came down in person to tell u His plan for u, would ur own thoughts kill the message before it could be received?

ur thoughts can be the assassination to ur ascension 

dont let ur thoughts kill what God spoke life into

Phil 4:8 NLT

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.

ur thought life is ur responsibility & priority

part of living in the overflow, is already thinking in the overflow

u wanna get ur life in order so u can live in the overflow? start w optimism

this is not personality based

God has given us emotions & u r allowed to feel

but do not fix ur thoughts somewhere u dont want to be

do not fix ur thoughts somewhere/on something that u do not want to become ur life

\\\ God's not gonna fix ur thoughts \\\

supernatural optimism is not empty positivity

how can u have faith for something, if u dont first hope fpr it?

perfected pessimism doesnt protect u fr disappointment

there r people who have lost the fuel for faith, because they have stopped hoping

Hebrews 11:1 KJV

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:6 NIV

Matthew 18:19-20

the church needs hope to fuel faith for miracles

it may not happen, but without hope? it cannot happen

Philippians 4:8 AMP

Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God's word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

God knows us & He knows we become drained focusing on things not of Him

ur faith walk is gonna require ur own discipline

at salvation God renews ur heart, but u still have the same brain

take responsibility for the thoughts/area that is hurting/harming u

or nothing changes

God's people: get ur hopes up

God's never needed us to hold up His name

if u do get disappointed? He can handle that

if it aint happen for u? kno He got a reason

ur mind is ur house & home

have u taken care of ur home?

would u tolerate intruders in ur home?

2 Corinthians 10:5 NKJV

...casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought i to captivity to the obedience of Christ,...

do not let ur thoughts kill the life God breathes into u & ur life

u cant stop a bird fr flying over ur head, but u can stop it fr making a nest there

i aint gon focus on the negative, but the everyday blessings & future promises

cast ur cares

fix ur thoughts

\\\ ur life becomes the fruit of ur thoughts \\\

my life today is the fruit of the thoughts i've constantly & consistently visited thru the past

\\\ the enemy would love to turn ur mind into a trap house \\\

lack of maintenance of ur mine (home) will allow the deterioration of it

a pretty house of the outside can still have rot on the inside

my God is a Restorer

if i welcome Him, He can renovate my home to restore its former glory

squatter laws: some places have passed laws that allow people that stay in an unattended property long enough to claim it as their own

u paid for it & u own it, but didnt take care of it & now someone who's been there so long can display rightful ownership of it

not another day in this mind

i have the mind of Christ

i have thoughts that glorify God & bring me into my purpose

[blackkudos]

Todrick Hall

Todrick Hall (born April 4, 1985) is an American singer, songwriter, actor, director, choreographer and YouTuber. He first gained national attention on the 9th season of the reality singing competition American Idol, where he made it to the semi-finals. Following this, he amassed a following on YouTube with multiple viral videos including original songs, parodies, and skits. A documentary series about his video-making process titled Todrick aired on MTV in 2015.

Starting with season 8, Hall became a resident choreographer on RuPaul's Drag Race, and occasional judge. From 2016 to 2017, Hall starred as Lola in Kinky Boots on Broadway. Later in 2017, he began appearances as Billy Flynn in Chicago on Broadway and the West End.

As a singer-songwriter he has released three studio albums, including the visual albums Straight Outta Oz (2016) and Forbidden (2018).

Early life

Todrick Hall was born in Plainview, Texas, on April 4, 1985. His family consists of his mother, father, one brother, and a stepfather. He knew he was different, he liked playing with dolls, and worried if they would still accept him if he turned out to be one of those gay people they made fun of on television. Hall began studying ballet at nine-years-old, and later worked with Fantasia in The Color Purple. He came out as gay to his family when he was fifteen; it took them a few years to accept. He also appeared in Disney's Beauty and the Beast, the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, and performed with Royal Caribbean, Holland America Line, and Walt Disney Parks and Resorts.

Career

2009–2010: American Idol

On August 24, 2009, Hall auditioned to the ninth season of American Idol in Dallas, Texas. He sang a self-composed song mentioning the judges – Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, and guest judge Joe Jonas – to plead his case for inclusion in the program. All four judges approved of his participation; he went into Hollywood week and eventually the semi-finals. In the Top 24, he sang Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" and in the Top 20, he performed Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do with It". He was eliminated in the Top 16 on 11 March 2010 after his rendition of Queen's "Somebody to Love;" he was one of four contestants eliminated in that round, and thus ranked between 13th and 16th overall.

2011–2013: Career growth and YouTube fame

Hall joined YouTube on May 27, 2006, and posted his first video to the site, a performance of "It's Hard to Say Goodbye", in 2008. In following years, his audience has grown considerably: as of June, 2019, Hall currently has 3.1 million subscribers on YouTube, and as of March 2018, his videos have been viewed 531.9 million times. Hall's videos include several of his own original songs and music videos, choreographed flash mobs for Ariana Grande and Beyoncé performed in an actual Target store, (the latter of which Beyoncé personally recognized Hall for), musical collaborations with Pentatonix, and personal updates.

In May 2011, he released a video audition for the third season of Glee titled "I Wanna Be on Glee", for possible inclusion in the show. Though the video was popular, Hall was not cast in the program.In November 2013, Virgin America produced a pop-music safety video directed by Jon M. Chu with music by Jean-Yves Decornet. Hall wrote the song and lyrics and starred in the video.

In December 2013, Hall released a Christmas album entitled Dear Santa, with covers of "This Christmas" and "Sleigh Bells", produced by wiidope as well as original songs "So Cold" and "SplitsOnXmasTrees".

2014–2015: Pop Star High and Todrick docuseries

From April 1 to May 13, 2014, Hall released an eight episode web series on his YouTube channel called Pop Star High. The series takes place in a world where all of the most famous Pop Stars of our day all went to high school together. The series portrays and parodies pop stars like Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj, Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, Taylor Swift, Ne-Yo, Kanye West, Eminem, Jay-Z, and Tyga, and draws on the tropes of high school comedy movies. The soundtrack for the series was released on April 1, 2014.

On October 22, 2014, MTV announced Todrick, a docuseries following Hall, would premiere in 2015. On 20 December 2014, Hall produced and appeared in a commercial for the series and featured other celebrities' holiday wishes. Eight episodes of the docuseries were ordered and aired throughout 2015. The soundtrack for the show was released on October 13, 2015.

In October 2015, he was picked as Elvis Duran's Artist of the Month and was featured on NBC's Today show hosted by Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb and broadcast nationally where he performed live his single "Wind It Up".

2016–2017: Straight Outta Oz, Broadway, and RuPaul's Drag Race

Hall appeared as a guest judge on the eighth season of RuPaul's Drag Race; the episode, which featured a Wizard of Oz-inspired challenge, first aired on April 11, 2016. Hall reappeared as a full-time judge for RuPaul's Drag Race: All Stars 2 later in 2016 and again for the ninth season aired throughout 2017.

Along with Drag Race, Hall frequently appeared on Logo TV's game show Gay for Play Game Show Starring RuPaul alongside other celebrities. A second Season of Gay for Play is expected.

On June 23, 2016, Todrick self-released his second album, Straight Outta Oz. Straight Outta Oz is a visual concept album that uses the imagery of The Wizard of Oz to explore Todrick's own life and rise to fame. The project's first video was posted to YouTube on June 23, 2016 as well. Shortly thereafter, Hall announced the Straight Outta Oz Tour to promote the album. The tour originally ran between July 7, and August 12, 2016 in the United States and Canada.

The Straight Outta Oz Tour was interrupted by Hall's casting in the Broadway musical Kinky Boots. Hall starred as Lola, a drag queen cabaret performer. Hall's performance was well received by critics. He performed as Lola from November 1, 2016, to March 1, 2017.

The Straight Outta Oz Tour was revived in 2017 and ran between March 30, and June 5, in various North American, European, and Australian locations. It was accompanied by an expanded deluxe edition that included songs that were featured on the tour but not on the original version of the album. Additionally, the album included an extended version and new video for "Wrong Bitch" featuring Bob the Drag Queen, and a rerecorded version of Todrick's previous single "Low" featuring RuPaul.

In August 2017, he had a cameo as a back-up dancer in the music video for Taylor Swift's song, "Look What You Made Me Do".

From November 30, 2017, to January 14, 2018, played Billy Flynn in a limited engagement role in Chicago. During his tenure, the show had its best-grossing week in its 21-year Broadway history.

In December he released the documentary film Behind the Curtain about the production behind Straight Outta Oz. It was screened in select theatres and later released on home video. Later that month he had a guest appearance in the Bob's Burgers Season 8 episode "The Bleakening" as drag queen Miss Triple-Xmas (or Cleavage to Beaver) performing the song "Twinkly Lights". He also released a medley of covers of songs from the Pitch Perfect film series that was featured on the Pitch Perfect 3 Special Edition soundtrack.

2018–present: Forbidden, Haus Party & The Greatest Dancer

In March 2018 he announced his new visual album follow-up to Straight Outta Oz called Forbidden. It was released on March 27, 2018. To promote the album, Hall embarked on Forbidden: The Tour across the United States, Europe, Asia, Australia, and New Zealand.

On May 15, 2019, Hall revealed that he will be releasing a trilogy of extended plays to be released across the next six months. The first EP, Haus Party, Pt. 1, was released on May 23, 2019. The first single "Glitter" was released with the album pre-order on May 16, 2019. It also featured Hall's first big hit "Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels." The EPs will be supported by the Haus Party World Tour. While it was originally announced that Part Two would be released in July followed by Party Three in September 2019, the release of Haus Party, Pt. 2 was delayed to September 19, 2019.. It was supported by the singles "Wig", "Fag", and "Dripeesha" (featuring Tiffany Haddish). Part Three was originally announced to be released on October 30, 2019, then November 27. It was put up for pre-order on January 10, 2020 with two singles available, "Blue" and "Pink Dreams", and an announced release date of February 14, 2020. However, this was later pushed back to May 1, 2020.

On June 17, 2019, Hall appeared in the music video for singer-songwriter Taylor Swift's song "You Need to Calm Down"; he co-executive produced the video with Swift. On June 19, 2019, Hall announced that he will be returning to Broadway to play Ogie Anhorn in the musical Waitress opposite friend Colleen Ballinger, who will be making her Broadway debut as Dawn Williams from August 20 until September 15.

In August 2019 he joined the panel of Dance Captains for the second series of The Greatest Dancer alongside the other Dance Captains Cheryl, Oti Mabuse and Matthew Morrison. The series aired on BBC One in January 2020.

Artistry

Hall is a baritenor with a soulful, expressive voice, including falsetto; in addition to a singer, Hall is also a rapper. The genre of his works include R&B, pop, hip hop, neo-soul, funk, and musical theatre. Many of his lyrics include elements of social commentary, such as gun violence in and against black communities in "Water Guns" (featuring Jordin Sparks), acceptance of interracial relationships in "Color" (featuring Jay Armstrong Johnson) and queer culture; Hall writes and produces much of his own music with Jeeve Ducornet and wiidope. Hall also posts musical tributes to his favorite musical artists such as Beyoncé, Rihanna, and Taylor Swift. These tributes feature elaborately-produced mashups of the artists' songs sung by Hall.

Hall's music videos often feature extravagant production value not typically associated with artists outside major labels. Hall's videos often include bespoke costumes and urban fashion, elaborate sets, and extensive choreography, much of which is designed or created by Hall himself. He frequently directs his own videos as well. As part of his style, many of Hall's music videos include drag as a central component, either featuring Hall in drag himself or famous drag queens including RuPaul, Bob the Drag Queen, Willam Belli, and Alaska Thunderfuck, among others.

Personal life

He came out as gay at the age of fifteen.

[luvneedsnosyt]

My Favorite Albums of 2020 So Far

Here is my list of my favorite albums half-way through 2020

You can find my list of my favorite albums of 2019 here And my list of my favorite EPs of 2019 here

My Monthly top albums lists from 2020: January, February, March, April, May

Keep in mind I didn’t include albums released after June 12th on this list

Honorable Mention:

Blanche - EMPIRE Genre: Indie Pop

Proof: Empire / Till We Collide

Caroline Rose - Superstar Genre: Synth-Pop

Proof: Nothing’s Impossible / Someone New

Deante’ Hitchcock - BETTER Genre: Hip Hop

Proof: I Remember / I Got Money Now (Feat. J.I.D.)

dvsn - A Muse In Her Feelings Genre: R&B / neo-Soul

Proof: Dangerous City (Feat. Ty Dolla $ign & Buju Banton) / A Muse

Grimes - Miss Anthropocene Genre: Synth Pop / Electronic

Proof: Violence (w/ i_o) / idoru // Bonus: We Appreciate Power (BloodPop Remix) Feat. HANA

Halsey - Manic Genre: alt-R&B / Pop

Proof: You should be sad / Without Me // Bonus: Marshmello & Halsey - Be Kind / You should be sad (Tiësto Remix) / Graveyard (Axwell Remix) / Without Me (ILLENIUM Remix)

Illenium - ASCEND (Remixes) Genre: Electronic / Dance

Proof: Good Things Fall Apart (3LAU Remix) w/ Jon Bellion / In Your Arms (Alan Walker Remix) w/ X Ambassadors

Jason Ross - 1000 Faces //   1000 Faces (Remixes) Genre: Electronic / Dance

Proof: One That Got Away (w/ Dabin & Dylan Matthew) / 1000 Faces (w/ Dia Frampton) //  Known You Before (Trivecta Remix) Feat. Emilie Brandt / Shelter (No Mana Remix) Feat. Melanie Fontana

KAYTRANADA - BUBBA Genre: alt-R&B / House

Proof: 10% (Feat. Kali Uchis) / Need It (Feat. Masego)

Lady Gaga - Chromatica Genre: Pop / Dance

Proof: Stupid Love / Replay

Låpsley - Through Water Genre: Indie Pop / Electronic

Proof: Ligne 3 / Womxn

Loote - heart eyes EP Genre: Indie Pop

Proof: This is How U Feel / All The Fucking Time // Bonus: teamwork., Loote & John K - Wasted Summer

Matoma - RYTME EP Genre: Electronic / House / Dance

Proof: Don’t Stop The Rhythm (Feat. Bryn Christopher) / Beside You (w/ Captain Cuts Feat. Georgia Ku) // Bonus: The Bender (The Him Remix) (w/ Brando) / Time To Go

Seven Lions - Find Another Way EP Genre: Electronic / Dance / Trance

Proof: Only Now (Feat. Tyler Graves) / Another Way (w/ April Bender) // Bonus: 3LAU - Tokyo (Seven Lions Remix) Feat. XIRA / Abaxis , Dimibo & Seven Lions - Half Of It

The Strokes - The New Abnormal Genre: Alternative / Rock

Proof: Brooklyn Bridge To Chorus / Not The Same Anymore

Tchami - Born Again / Buenos Aires EP Genre: Electronic / House / Dance

Proof: Buenos Aires / Proud (Feat. Daecolm) // Bonus: Proud (Steffan City Remix) Feat. Daecolm / Ghosts (Vowed Remix) Feat. Hana

We Are The City - RIP Genre: Rock / Alternative

Proof: Killer B-Side Music / Saint Peter

The List:

15. Alina Baraz - It Was Divine Genre: R&B / Soul

Proof: Morocco (Feat. 6LACK) / Endlessly / Off The Grid (Feat. Khalid) / More Than Enough

14. Harry Styles - Fine Line Genre: Alternative / Indie Pop

Proof: Watermelon Sugar / Adore You / Lights Up / Fine Line

13. Krewella - zer0 // zer0 (The Remixes Pt. 1) EP // zer0 (The Remixes Pt. 2) EP Genre: Electronic / Synth-Pop / Dance

Proof: Good On You (Feat. Nucleya) / Anxiety (Feat. Arrested Youth) / Ghost / Greenlights // Good On You (MOTi Remix) Feat. Nucleya / Greenlights (MADGRRL Remix) // Anxiety (Prince Fox Remix) Feat. Arrested Youth / Like We (BEAUZ Remix) Feat. Yung Baby & Alaya

12. iamnotshane - iamnotshane EP Genre: alt-R&B / Electronic

Proof: Afterlife / Security / Perfect / Right Now // Bonus: Afterlife (Michael Calfan Remix) / Perfect (Thomas Gold Remix) / Right Now (jackLNDN Remix)

11. Jack Garrett - Love, Death & Dancing Genre: R&B / Pop / Electronic

Proof: Time / Return Them To The One / Better / Circles

10. Charli XCX - how i’m feeling now Genre: Synth Pop / Dance

Proof: forever / enemy / i finally understand / anthems // Bonus: claws (Whethan Remix)

9. Buscabulla - Regresa Genre: Latin / Pop / Dance

Proof: Vàmono / El Aproeto / Mío / NTE

8. Purity Ring - WOMB Genre: Synth Pop

Proof: pink lightening / i like the devil / vehemence / stardew

7. Run The Jewels - RTJ4 Genre: Hip Hop

Proof: yankee and the brave (ep. 4) / JU$T (Feat. Pharrell WIlliams & Zach de la Rocha) / the ground below / a few words from the firing squad (radiation)

6. Shallou - Magical Thinking Genre: Electronic / Future Bass

Proof: Forget / Mutual Love (Feat. Zachary Knowles) / Older (Feat. Daya) / Good Together (Feat. Ashe) // Bonus: Older (Felix Cartel Remix) Feat. Daya / I Leave Again (w/ Petit Biscuit) / Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler - you were good to me (Shallou Remix)

5. The Weeknd - After Hours //  After Hours (Remixes) EP Genre: alt-R&B

Proof: Heartless / Blinding Lights / In Your Eyes / After Hours // Blinding Lights (Chromatics Remix) Feat. Johnny Jewel / After Hours (The Blaze Remix) // Bonus: Blinding Lights (Major Lazer Remix)

4. Jonah Mutono - GERG Genre: alt-R&B / Soul

Proof: Shoulders / If You Mean It / The Low / Circulation

3. Phantogram - Ceremony Genre: Synth-Pop

Proof: Dear God / In A Spiral / Pedestal / Let Me Down

2. Childish Gambino - 3.15.20 Genre: Hip Hop / alt-R&B

Proof: Alogrhythm / Time (Feat. Ariana Grande) / 19.10 / 42.26

1. Tame Impala - The Slow Rush Genre: Synth-Pop / Alternative

Proof: Borderline / Breathe Deeper / Lost in Yesterday / It Might Be Time // Bonus: It Might Be Time (Louis The Child Bootleg)

Others:

Good: A Boogie wit da Hoodie - Artist 2.0, AceMoMa - A New Dawn [HOA007], Ada Lea - woman, here EP, Adrian Younge & Ali Shaeed Muhammad - Jazz Is Dead 001, Active Child - In Another Life, Aesop Rock - Freedom Finger [Music from the Game], Agnes Obel - Myopia, Alec Benjamin - These Two Windows, Alexandra Savior - The Archer, Allan Kingdom - Iddtfm EP, Allan Rayman - Christian, Allie X - Cape God, ALMA - Have You Seen Her?, Amber Liu - Rogue Rogue EP, Amber Liu - X EP, Andy Shauf - The Neon Skyline, Anna Burch - If You’re Dreaming, Anna Calvi - Hunted EP, Ant Saunders - BUBBLE EP, April - New Conditions EP, Ari Lennox - Shea Butter Baby (Remix EP), Arin Ray - Phases II EP, Atmosphere - Whenever, Audrey Mika - 5 A.M. EP, AWOLNATION - Angel Miners & the Lightning Riders, Bad Bunny - LAS QUE NO IBAN A SALIR, Baril - One More Rush EP, Baths - Pop Music / False B-Sides II, Banoffee - Look at Us Now Dad, Beach Bunny - Honeymoon, Becca Stevens - Wonderbloom, Best Coast - Always Tomorrow, Big Gigantic - Free Your Mind, Bishop Nehru - Nehruvian Tuesdays: Vol, 1, Bombay Bicycle Club - Everything Else Has Gone Wrong, Bongeziwe Mabandla - iimini, Boniface - Boniface, BOSCO - Some Day This Will All Make Sense EP, Brandon Banks - STATIC EP, Brent Faiyaz - Fuck The World, Bring Me the Horizon - Music to Listen to~Dance to~Blaze to~Pray to~Feed to~Sleep to~Talk to~Grind to~Trip to~Breathe to~Help to~Hurt to~Scroll to~Roll to~Love to~Hate to~Learn Too~Plot to~Play to~Be to~Feel to~Breed to~Sweat to~Dream to~Hide to~Live to~Die to~Go To EP, Buddy & Kent Jamz - Janktape Vol. 1, Calvin Harris - Love Regenerator 1 EP, Calvin Harris - Love Regenerator 2 EP, Calvin Harris - Love Regenerator 3 EP, Calvin Harris & Eli Brown - Moving EP, Cam’ron - Purple Haze 2, Caribou - Suddenly, Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated Side B, Car Seat Headrest - Making a Door Less Open, Charlotte de Witte - Return to Nowhere EP, Chelsea Cutler - How To Be Human, Chloe x Halle - Ungodly Hour, Christian Paul - Christian Paul EP, Christine and the Queens - La vita nuova EP, Chromeo - Quarantine Casanova EP, Clap! Clap! - Liquid Portraits, Cleo Sol - Rose in the Dark, Conor Matthews - Balloons EP, D Smoke - Bad Habits, DaBaby - BLAME IT ON BABY, Daecolm - Figur£$, Dan Deacon - Mystic Familiar, Day Wave - Crush EP, Delacey - Black Coffee, Delta Heavy - Only in Dreams (Remixes), Denzel Curry - UNLOCKED [Mixtape], Destroyer - How We Met, Diana Gordon - Wasted Youth, Dijon - How Do You Feel About Getting Married? EP, Diplo - Diplo Presents Thomas Wesley Chapter 1: Snake Oil, Dirty Projectors - Windows Open EP, Disclosure - Ecstasy EP, DJ BORING - Like Water EP, dj poolboi - it’s good to hear your voice, DJ Snake - Carte Blanche (Deluxe), Drake - Dark Lane Demo Tapes, DRAMA - Dance Without Me, Dreamville - Revenge of the Dreamers III : Director’s Cut, Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia, Dua Saleh - Rosetta EP, Duke Dumont - Duality, Ebenezer - Bad Romantic II EP, Echosmith - Lonely Generation, EDEN - no future, Ekali - A World Away, Elah Hale - Room 206 EP, Ellie Winter - Yeah, No. EP, Empress Of - I’m Your Empress Of, Eric Bellinger - Hor D’oeuvres, Ethan Gruska - En Garde, Everything Is Recorded - FRIDAY FOREVER, Example - Some Nights Last For Days, Fiona Apple - Fetch The Bolt Cutters, Flatbush Zombies - now, more than ever EP, flora cash - Baby, It’s Okay, Four Tet - Sixteen Oceans, Fractures - EP III, Fred again.. - Actual Life EP, Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist - Alfredo, Free Nationals - Free Nationals, Gabrielle Aplin - Dear Happy, Galantis - Church, Gengahr - Sanctuary, Georgia - Seeking Thrills, Gil Scott-Heron & Makaya McCraven - We’re New Again: A Reimagine by Makaya McCraven, Giveon - TAKE TIME, The Glitch Mob - Chemicals EP, GRiZ - bangers[5].zip EP, Grouplove - The Healer, GUM - Out In The World, Half Waif - The Caretaker, Hailee Steinfeld - Half Written Story EP, HAWA - the ONE, Hayley Kiyoko - I’m Too Sensitive For This Shit EP, Hayley Williams - Petals for Armor, Hayley Williams - Petals For Armor I EP, Hinds - The Prettiest Curse, HMLTD - West of Eden, Icarus - Unfold, Incubus - Trust Falls (Side B) EP, i_o - NRG 444 EP, Isaia Huron - Libbie, iyla - OTHER WAYS TO VENT, J Balvin - Colores, Jack Garrett - Love, Death & Dancing (Vol. 1) EP, Jack Garrett - Love, Death & Dancing (Vol. 2) EP,  JACKBOYS & Travis Scott - JACKBOYS EP, Jacob Latimore - C3, Jadakiss - Ignatius, Jade Novah - Stages, James Smith - An EP, Japan, Man - Cautious EP, Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - Reunions, Jauz - Dangerous Waters EP, Jay Electronica - A Written Testimony, Jeremy Zucker - love is not dying, Jessie Reyez - BEFORE LOVE CAME TO KILL US, Jhené Aiko - Chilombo, Jody Wisteernoff - Story of Light EP, JoJo - good to know, Joyner Lucas - ADHD, JOYRYDE - Brave, JP Saxe - Hold It Together EP, Justin Bieber - Changes, Kali Uchis - TO FEEL ALIVE EP, Kamaiyah - Got It Made, Kaskade - Redux 004 EP, Katie Gately - Loom, K CAMP - Kiss 5, Kehlani - It Was Good Until It Wasn’t, Kevin Ross - Audacity, Vol 1 EP, Kiana Ledé - KIKI, Kid Krow - Conan Gray, King Princess - Cheap Queen (Deluxe), Khushi - Strange Seasons, Khruangbin & Leon Bridges - Texas Sun EP, KIRBY - Sis. EP, K. Michelle - All Monsters Are Human, Knxwledge - 1998, Kodaline - One Day at a Time, Kygo - Golden Hour, Lane 8 - Brightest Lights, LA Priest - GENE, La Roux - Supervision, Laura Marling - Song For Our Daughter, Lauren Auder - two caves in EP, Lauv - ~how i’m feeling~, Lil Wayne - Funeral, Little Dragon - New Me, Same Us, Little Simz - Drop 6 EP, LL Cool J - Authentic, Long Beach Dub Allstars - Long Beach Dub Allstars, Lonr. - Land of Nothing Real, LOONY - JOYRiDE EP, Loud Luxury - Nights Like This EP, Louis Tomlinson - Walls, Lucky Daye - Painted (Deluxe Edition), Luke James - to feel love/d, Lupe Fiasco - Chill Spotlight EP, Mac Miller - Circles, Mahalia - Isolation Tapes EP, MAITA - Best Wishes, Major Lazer - Soca Storm EP, Mala Rodriguez - MALA, Manatee Commune - Crescent Lake EP, Mason Maynard - Lookin’ At Me EP, Medasin - RIPPLS, Megan Thee Stallion - Suga, Mick Jenkins - The Circus EP, Midwife - Forever, Mija - Desert Trash, MILCK - Into Gold EP, Moaning - Uneasy Laughter, Model Man - Beta Songs EP, Moses Sumner - græ, Mourning [A] BLKstar - The Cycle, Mura Masa - R.Y.C., mxmtoon - dawn, Nada Surf - Never Not Together, Naeem - Startisha,  Nap Eyes - Snapshot of a Beginner, Nathaniel Rateliff - And It’s Still Alright, NNAMDÏ - BRAT, Noah Cyrus - THE END OF EVERYTHING EP, No Mana - Secret Level, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds - Blue Moon Rising EP, Norah Jones - Pick Me Up off the Floor, Ohmme - Fantasize Your Ghost, Oh Wonder - No One Else Can Wear The Crown, Okay Kaya - Watch This Liquid Pour Itself, Omar S - You Want, Orion Sun - Hold Space For Me, The Overcoats - The Fight, PARTYNEXTDOOR - PARTYMOBILE, Perfume Genius - Set My Heart on Fire Immediately, Pet Shop Boys - Hotspot, Photay - Waking Hours, Pictish Trail - Thumb World, POLIÇA - When We Stay Alive, Poppy - I Disagree, Poolside - Low Season, Porches - Ricky Music, Post Animal - Forward Motion Godyssey, The Professionals (Madlib & Oh No) - The Professionals, Princess Nokia - Everything Is Beautiful, Princess Nokia - Everything Sucks, Pure X - Pure X, RAC - BOY, Ratboys - Printer’s Devil, Raveena - Moonstone EP, Real Estate - The Main Thing, Recondite - Dwell, renforshort - teenage angst EP, Ric Wilson & Terrace Martin - They Call Me Disco EP, Rileyy Lanez - Beautiful Mistakes EP, Rina Sawayama - SAWAYAMA, Riz Ahmed - The Long Goodbye, RJD2 - The Fun Ones, Robinson - Watching You EP, Ro James - MANTIC, Royce da 5’9” - The Allegory, Roy Woods - Dem Times EP, rum.gold - aiMless EP, Russ - SHAKE THE SNOW GLOBE, Ryan Beatty - Dreaming of David, Sam Lee - Oh Wow, San Fermin - The Cormorant I & II, SAYGRACE - The Defining Moments of SAYGRACE: Girlhood, Fuckboys & Situationlists, Sea Wolf - Through A Dark Wood, Selena Gomez - Rare, Sérgio Mendez - In the Key of Joy, Shabazz Palaces - The Don of Diamond Dreams, Shakey Graves - Look Alive EP, Ship Wrek - Mirror Mirror EP, Shoffy - Flash, Shopping - All or Nothing, Sleepy Hallow - Sleepy Hallow Presents: Sleepy For President, Slowly Slowly - Race Car Blues, Smino - She Already Decided [Mixtape], Soccer Mommy - Color Theory, Son Little - Aloha, Sorry - 925, Spacey Jane - Sunlight, Spencer Brown - Stream of Consciousness, Steve Aoki - Neon Future IV, Steve Spacek - House, Stormzy - Heavy Is The Head, STRFKR - Future Past Life, Striking Matches - Night EP, Subtronics - Scream Saver EP, Surfaces - Horizons, $uicideboy$ - Stop Staring at the Shadows, Sweaton Klank - Good Days, Sweet Whirl - How Much Works, Swing Ting - 100 Dances, Tank - While You Wait EP, Tate McRae - all the things i never said EP, TOKiMONSTA - Oasis Nocturno, Tom Misch & Yussef Dayes - What Kinda Music, TOPS - I Feel Alive, TORRES - Silver Tongue, Tory Lanez - The New Toronto 3, TeaMarr - Before I Spill Myself, Tech N9ne - Enterfear, Tech N9ne - ENTERFEAR Level 2 EP, Tennis - Swimmer, Tiësto - The London Sessions, Tink - Hopeless Romantic, Thao & The Get Down Stay Down - Temple, The-Dream - SXTPA, Theophilus London - Bebay, Thundercat - It Is What It Is, Tokio Myers - BLACK DAWN EP , Tourist - Wild (Remixes) EP, Trivecta - Everyday EP, T.R.U. & 2 Chainz - No Face No Chase, Two Feet - Pink, Tycho - Simulcast, T3 - Mr. Fantastic EP, Various Artists - Bad Boys For Life Soundtrack, Various Artists - Birds is Pray: The Album, Various Artists - Ophelia Presents: Advent Volume 1, Various Artists - The Turning (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Varsity - Fine Forever, Vistas - Everything Changes in the End, Vundabar - Either Light, Vybz Kartel - To Tanesha, Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud, WENS - Lemoncholy EP, William Black - Pages (The Remixes), Wiz Khalifa - The Saga of Wiz Khalifa, Wolf Parade - Thin Mind, X Ambassador - Belong EP, xylø - The Ganglands of My Heart EP, Yaeji - WHAT WE DREW 우리가 그려왔던, Yellow Claw - Never Dies, Yo Gotti - Untrapped, Youngr - Memories, Yumi Zouma - Truth or Consequences, Yves Tumor - Heaven To a Tortured Mind, Zeds Dead - We Are Deadbeats (Vol. 4), Zsela - Ache of Victory EP, 070 Shake - Modus Vivendi, The 1975 - Notes On A Conditional Form, 5 Seconds of Summer - CALM

Meh: ARTHUR - Hair of the Dog, The Black Lips - Sing in a World That’s Falling Apart,  Bruno Major - To Let A Good Thing Die, Don Toliver - Heaven Or Hell, Eminem - Music To Be Murdered By, Frances Quinlan - Likewise, Future - High On Life, iann dior - I’m Gone, Jaunt - All In One, Jeezy - Twenty/20 Pyrex Vision EP, Lil Baby - My Turn, Lil Uzi Vert - Eternal Atake, Lil Uzi Vert - LUV vs. The World 2, Liquid Stranger - Ascension EP, Masiwei & Higher Brothers - Prince Charming, MHYSA - Navaeh, Nicolas Jaar - Cenizas, Rich The Kid - BOSS MAN, Social Club Misfits - MOOD // DOOM

[thepoetoaster]

POSSESSED

Baltimore, Maryland October 2019

Chapter 1.

The rain was sobbing uncontrollably and inside I felt the same. Everything was grey and bleak except for the colorful neon screensaver of my phone that lit up every time Matt texted me.  I never meant to become reduced to this state of sadness, loneliness and despair.

But every time I stepped outside the revolving door of the hotel I was living in, whatever energy reserves and hope I had mustered up in my solitude rapidly depleted and I felt like throwing myself into the harbor. Not that I ever would, but looking around at the society which I became increasingly more isolated from, that was how I felt.

My name is Michaela. I’m 28 and work as an investment advisor for a prestigious bank over the internet. That’s my daytime personality, anyways. The way I pay the bills. Deep inside I know I am an artist, a spiritualist, but that part of me only comes out in very rare circles.

It seems as if my life is always separated by a sense of polarizing contrast, eternally opposing forces. There is the daytime version of myself I show to the world; successful, smart, kind. There is a hidden part that is much more sinister. I feel a sense of cynical animosity towards the human race and society regularly. I express this through the art I never show anyone except my friends on the Other Side.

Yes, I am a spiritual medium, although not professionally.  It started in my childhood when I realized I was not like the other children.  While they played kickball and dolls, I wandered into the woods alone, talking to my imaginary friends who I later realized were so much more than imaginary.  How did I know this?

Well, sometimes they told me things that they knew about this life - things that I nor any mortal would have anyway of knowing if not for some supernatural power intervening. And their words always turned out to be true, so I learned to trust the voices in my head that were so much more than just voices.

And what great friends they were! I found the spirits kinder, wiser, and more understanding than the mortals who were caught up in trivial things like gossiping and sports. Most of them, anyways. There were the rare beings I became close with that always kept my head above the Earth somehow.  Always the eccentrics, the strange ones. They were the only ones I found interesting, who improved upon the sweet stillness of my solitude.

One such person was my friend and lover, Matt. Although lately, I must say the relationship has been leaning more towards friendship — the romantic parts of our life are rather complicated. For starters, he’s been married to another woman for years, although their relationship is turbulent and he’s very quick to come to me for comfort when things don’t go his way.

But oh, how I adore him! He is dark, mysterious, intelligent, not to mention handsome.  He is one of the few people on this Earth that I connect with and we have an explosive chemistry. But I always get the sense that there’s something missing between us, that there’s something that’s just not right. I can’t stand the fact that he always chooses his wife over me, like I’m some kind of afterthought and not worth the same love and attention as she is. But I tolerate it, because I have I no one else — and look forward to his text correspondences vehemently, as he is a light in my dark, oftentimes seemingly hopeless world.

In the present, I’m sitting in the armchair in my hotel room that overlooks the city streets, drinking hot ginger and lemon tea while reading “Favorite Poems of Emily Dickinson”. I’m waiting for Matt to text back, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t hear from him until 2 in the morning, at which point I will be fast asleep.

I prefer hotel living for many reasons. Mainly, I can never seem to make myself settle down in any one place. My work as an investment banker is done mainly over the internet except for the rare face-to-face meetings with customers and company business trips.  So when I’m not working, you could say I’m something of a vagabond, always traveling from city to city, making my home wherever the wind takes me.

I love the cleanliness and orderliness of hotel living; the permanently fresh sheets, the modern decorations, the shampoo and conditioner samples. It reminds me of a comforting time in my rather difficult childhood, in which a house fire forced my family into staying at a Holiday Inn for several weeks. I relished the experience, sharing a room with my twin brother, and have very fond memories of continental breakfasts and jumping from bed to bed, pretending the floor is hot lava.

In my current room there was a portrait of a lovely, hefty singer perched above the desk where I do my work. I suddenly wished I had her life and started to feel very lonely all of a sudden, looking out my window at all the people walking down below, in groups of friends or with a romantic partner. Although I despised the society, at times I felt almost envious of the way others seemed to fit in and find their place so easily. I was forever a misfit, alone in a universe of my own making with no one there to listen to my innermost thoughts.

Except for the spirits, that is.

I grew weary of the feeling and reached for my Ouija board to see who was available to talk. Normally it was one of my main 3 friends - Claire, Stephen or Sharon.  We did have other visitors come through at times, however.  Today was one of those times.

I took the board out of the box, put it on my lap, and when I placed my fingers on the planchette it started moving almost immediately to spell out the words “HELLO LOVE”.

“Well, hello love to you to,” I said, “and who may I ask am I speaking with?”

“DAMIAN,” it said.

“Hi Damian! I’m Michaela,”

“I KNOW,” he said, “SILENT MODE”

“What?” I replied, and at that moment I received a text from Matt.

“NEXT,” said Damian, “HE’S A FUCKBOY,”

“Um, I’m sorry? Matt and I are very close friends,” I said, although he did have a point.

“NEXT,” he repeated, then “PICK ME INSTEAD.”

And against my will I felt a warm sensation rising up from my stomach to my chest to my cheeks.

That very same moment, there was a loud knock on the door. “Housekeeping!”

“Oh, okay! One moment,” I responded, suddenly needing some air.  I put the board back in the box and slid it under the mattress before quickly slipping on my my shoes and raincoat for a stroll through the gloomy Baltimore streets.

“What r u doing?” The text from Matt read.

“Going for a walk - hbu?” I responded

“Let’s meet at Gangster Vegan,” he said, and I replied with an “OK - see you in 10” and began the journey by foot through the harbor and into historic Federal Hill.

The whole time I was walking, I couldn’t shake the feeling of Damian’s presence. In fact, I could have sworn I felt fingers lovingly grazing the back of my neck; a light whisper in my ear.

When I got to to the all natural vegan eatery, Matt was unsurprisingly yelling at the cashier.

“What do you mean you don’t carry Spirulina!? What kind of establishment is this?!” The poor cashier gave me a look of utter desperation and I took that as my cue to jump in.  

“Matt! Oh, darling, it’s so good to see you!” He turned around and the anger on his faced appeared to soften, but only a fraction.

“Oh, Michaela, what a relief to see someone with half a brain,” he snapped, turning around to give the cashier a dirty look, who looked thoroughly annoyed.

“Okay, let’s get out of here…,” I replied and we started walking through the city streets that were lit up by neon lights.

Before I could even begin to strike up a conversation, Matt suddenly stopped walking on the sidewalk to read a text message from his wife, Cindy.  “GOD DAMN IT!” He shrieked.

“What is it?”

“THAT BITCH!” He dramatically kicked a fire hydrant, stubbing his toe in the process.

What is wrong with him? I heard a voice clearly whisper in my head.

“HOW DARE SHE!”

“Are you okay, Matt?”

“NO, I AM NOT OKAY!” By this point everyone else on the street had their heads craned to witness the spectacle that was his meltdown.

“Deep breaths, Matt…”

“It’s Cindy,” we started walking again by the harbor, “we were supposed to meet at her apartment later tonight,”

I thought he was coming home with you? The voice whispered.

“I thought you were coming back to the hotel with me?” I said

“Michaela,” he said and turned to me, “you know I love you as a dear friend, but Cindy is my wife. And we were supposed to meet tonight, and she canceled on me because she HAS PLANS WITH HER FRIENDS.” He looked exasperated. I just stared and looked at him silently, not knowing how to reply.

“Well… maybe she really does have plans with her friends?”

“Oh no, Mickey. No. She’s fucking some other guy. I just know it.”

The hypocrisy is unbelievable! The voice said.

“Umm… well, maybe you should just let it go! We can have a great night back at my place…”

“I don’t think so. I’m gonna let this whore have a piece of my mind.”

At that moment, his phone mysteriously flew out of his hands and into the harbor.

And I heard that voice laughing in my head.

By that time, we were almost back at the hotel.  Matt was just staring there in shock, and I felt similarly. Then he fell to his knees and started sobbing uncontrollably.

“JUST GO, MICKEY…”

I silently obliged and walked back to my room, suddenly drained by Matt and his shenanigans. As my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep almost immediately. In that brief state between wakefulness and dreams I swore I felt Damian’s arms around me.

Chapter 2.

I woke up early, around 6:30AM, to the sound of my phone ringing - it was an unknown caller.

“Hello?” I answered groggily.

“Hello, Baltimore Police. Is this Michaela Young?”

“Yes,” I replied, a wave of worry washing over me, “what is it?”

“It’s about Matthew Gregory. He was found dead in the harbor last night.”  

A wave of shock and disbelief washed over me and I heard that voice in my head, laughing maniacally.

“Oh my god,” I said, speechless.

“We’re going to need you to come down to the station immediately,”

After I got back from the station, I collapsed on my bed, emotionally exhausted. I decided to turn to my ouija board for comfort from my friends from the spirit world.

HELLO, MY LOVE, the board spelled out almost instantly.

“Is this Claire?” I asked.

DAMIAN, it spelled. I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.

“I’m very upset, Damian. My friend and lover Matt was found dead in the river this morning. They ruled it as a suicide but I’m not so sure. He was erratic but I don’t think he was suicidal.”

I’M SURE HIS WIFE IS UPSET, he said sarcastically.

By this point tears were streaming down my face. “That doesn’t help!” MATT DIDN’T KNOW YOU, he said, NOT LIKE I DO.

“What do you know about me?” A small gleam of hope flickered in my heart like a lighter. Was it possible that there was an entity in this universe that was capable of understanding me?

This is easier, said the voice I thought I had been imagining before.

I know much about you, Michaela…

“Like what?” I asked.

You’re a financial advisor by day, but it’s slowly eating away at your soul.  You’re an artist - deep down, you know it, I know it. And. You’re also a witch.

“Go on,” I said, my heart beating quicker at this point.

You didn’t have things easy growing up - dysfunctional family dynamics, absent father, and a string of abusive relationships as you got older.

My heart was pounding rapidly at this point.

“How do you know all this about me, Damian?”

I know a lot about you, Michaela. That’s all you need to know. I am capable of loving you in ways no mortal could ever fathom.  All you need do is surrender to me.

“I’m not in a place to surrender to anyone right now, Damian. My lover just threw himself into the harbor.”

Understandable, he said.  Well you just rest up, my love, and I’m sure things will work out for the best.

“Okay,” I said, and fell asleep with the energy of Damian’s love surrounding me.

Chapter 3.

At work the next day I was unable to focus on anything. I was midway through my lunch break when I heard Damian say, what do you say we leave this place tomorrow, my love?

“For where?” I asked.

Morocco, he said. I want to show you the way the sand dunes look in the desert when the sun rises. I want to show you the architecture, the culture, the food.  

I suddenly felt excited at the idea - running away with this entity - leaving my past behind. It felt like a scene out of a fairy tale - only real.

Next thing I knew, Damian was singing “Come Fly with Me,” by Frank Sinatra in my head and I burst out laughing, overflowing with joy and feeling lucky that I had finally found someone who understood me, who eased the loneliness within me, who reminded me of what it was to laugh.

You’re very beautiful, you know, he said in a drawling, seductive voice.

“Save it for Morocco,” I said playfully, my heart feeling like a hot air balloon.

Before I knew it, we were on a plane together, falling for each other quicker by the minute. Well, I was on a plane, you have to remember.  Damian was a nonphysical entity, which made our relationship - strange, you could say, to put things mildly.

But I had never been one for normalcy to begin with.  In fact, it was my personal philosophy to shun anything that would be considered mildly normal by society’s standards.

And so our love took off the same way as the airplane.

When we arrived in Morocco, we spent long evenings under the desert sky, numbering the stars in the milky way, soaking up the serenity of the sand dunes. During the days we toured the city of Marrakesh, basking in the colors, the architecture, the geometric patterns on the walls. The culture was fascinating to me but more fascinating was Damian.

He told me of his life in the underworld and I was amazed at how much we had in common with one another. I grew to believe that there was some kind of mystical force pulling us together, and we could consciously resist it all we wanted, but no matter what that eternal longing would pull us back into each other’s reality, one way or another.

It was the romance of a lifetime.  

———-

That’s the way things always start out, don’t they? For all of the eternal longing that existed between us, there was no denying that we didn’t always agree on everything. Just normal couple things, right?

But nevertheless, I wanted no one else. No other entity. I had finally found someone who understood the very depths of my soul; that’s not something I could ever let go of easily. And let go was something I never wanted to happen; of this I made Damian aware.

“What are the options for our future, Damian?” You can let me possess you, he whispered seductively in my ear.

I laughed and said, “What, you don’t think I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that’s not a good idea?”

I’m not like other demons, he said convincingly.

“You are rather sweet for a demon,” I said, laughing.

It’s decided, then. Let’s go somewhere special to make it happen.

“Where were you thinking?”

You decide.

“I’ll have to think about it and get back to you.

Absolutely, my love.

And with that he vanished into the night before I had a chance to say another word and I was left alone, once more.

————

My stomach was lurching at the thought of being possessed by Damian.  Just the normal cold feet experience, right?  Why should I be worried? He’s most certainly unlike any entity I’ve ever encountered before.  Knowing, powerful, kind, intelligent…and that’s the thing you’re supposed to do when you’re my age right? Submit and allow yourself to be possessed.

I had always shirked away from the idea of marriage for just that reason. I didn’t want to ever belong to anyone except myself and the universe. The idea of being some man’s “property” made me want to vomit.  Changing your last name to his to totally seal the deal. The patriarchy was something I’ve always rebelled against, so why was I questioning whether or not I wanted to be possessed by Damian?

Loneliness. I was aching inside and needed someone to fill that emptiness within me. Someone who understood me.  No human man had ever truly understood me before. I hardly even understood me. I rarely took the time to understand myself with how busy I was with my work and traveling, always running from something, it seems. Running from my past, from myself.

But as it turns out, they’re right when they say everywhere you go take yourself with you.

And take myself with me I did indeed, to Malibu, with Damian.  For our wedding — or rather, Possession — day.

——————

Chapter 4.

The warm pink sunset cast a dreamy glow over the pacific ocean as Damian and I stood on the shore together.

“So - how exactly do we go about this? I don’t exactly think you could find a priest would would willingly perform a possession,”

Relax, my darling, my bride, Damian said. All you have to do is surrender to me.

And without giving it another thought, I sat down on the white sand cross legged, and closed my eyes.

The next thing I knew I was in my mind, but I was not alone. There was another presence there.

Wow, the sunset sure looks beautiful through your eyes, said Damian.

“Yeah, it does,” I said, happy that I could share this moment with someone else.

We sat there together for awhile, celebrating our oneness. Basking in the blissful sensation of belonging to another. I thought my heart would explode from joy.

As the sun went down and the stars began to come out, Damian asked if I wanted to go to Hawaii for our “honeymoon”, and I obliged, in a dreamy, romantic trance.

————-

Palm trees. Crystal clear waters. Long days and slow nights spent wrapped up in Damian. Listening to his tales of the underworld.

Our love grew deeper in those weeks than it ever had before. It’s hard to express the feelings of deep spiritual oneness that we shared. There really are no words for it, except sinking deep into an ocean of pure peace and love that washes over you and makes you feel that everything’s alright, that everything’s happening exactly as it should.

—————

PHILADELPHIA, PA

Like all good things, the honeymoon eventually did end as my work beckoned me once more.  Damian did not like when I had to work.  Even though he was right there with me the whole time, it upset him that I was unable to give him my full attention, even for a second.

“Oh, stop acting like a child,” I said teasingly. “You know I’m all yours and you’ll have every ounce of my attention once I’m finished with my work,”

Yes, darling, he said.  But sometimes I wish you would let me take care of you, so you wouldn’t have to put such strain on yourself.

“You know I love working, Damian,” I said, although it wasn’t fully true. “It gives me a sense of purpose and allows me to be independent and free in this world.”  That much was true, at least.

Does it really, though? Aren’t there other passions, other goals you would rather be working towards?

“Well you know I would rather be an artist, but that’s not a very fiscally responsible thing for me to do at this point in my life,” I said.

Let me take care of you, he said again, and then I didn’t hear from him for a while.

———-

The next day, however, I got a phone call from my boss.  

“Michaela, this is your boss, Mr. Richard Wadd. I must inform you that I’m letting you go from the company.  I don’t really have a good reason, other than the fact that my fragile male ego is threatened by your superior intelligence, and I’m the one in power, so there’s nothing you can do about it. Goodbye.”

Damian was very quick to comfort me.

You know, love, there are certain benefits to having a demon as a spouse, he said.

“Oh do share,” I said, needing comfort now more than ever.

Close your eyes, he whispered, and as I did I began to receive visions; information, otherworldly knowledge, flashes of events.

Do you want me to take care of your boss for you? He said.

In my fuming, trance-like stupor, I nodded half-heartedly.

Good, he said. It is done.  

——————

For the second time in the past year I was awoken to the sound of the police calling, beckoning me down to the station. My boss had been murdered, and they had evidence of my fingerprints at the crime scene.

I felt myself go white.  There’s no way I was capable of murdering my boss.  Sure I had fantasized about it as many do, but now he was dead and they had evidence linking me to the crime.  Where was Damian? He was oddly silent this morning; I hadn’t heard a peep from him since last night.

“Damian,” I pleaded, “Damian, are you there?”

Nothing.

I felt sick and needed a minute to catch a breather before heading to the police station.  That’s when the visions started and it came back to me.

I was walking through Spruce Street Harbor Park, but it was more Damian than me. In fact, it was all Damian. I was barely there except as a witness observing my own body moving without my control.

The door to the apartment of my boss’ row house was locked, but somehow I had a supernatural strength that was able to twist the doorknob right off the handle.

The only thing I remember after that was a blur of screaming, blood, me begging Damian to stop, and my boss begging for his life.

————————-

“How could you, Damian?” I said, shaking.

It needed to be done.  Now, let’s leave town before the police catch us!

“You’re insane! You literally murdered my boss!”

That’s where you’re wrong, my love… WE murdered your boss. And as far as the police know, YOU murdered your boss.  

“DAMIAN-,” I screamed, but it was futile.  Next thing I knew I felt very dizzy all of a sudden and collapsed onto my bed as if I was black out drunk.

——————-

Everything was black for a very long time, and I had no consciousness of anything except an unending void of nothingness. I had an awareness that I was not in my body, and was very possibly dead.

Then everything turned light, and I was speeding through a vortex.

Ah, a tunnel of light! I thought. I really am dead!

Well, this isn’t so bad, I thought, as I sped along.  There was no more pain, no more drudgery of existence, no more, oh, what was his name… Damian!

As soon as I thought of him, the speeding stopped and I was in what appeared to be an endless meadow, with fields of swaying poppies of all different colors.  It felt surreal and dreamlike, and there was a total sense of peace that washed over everything.

As I was taking it all in, a being of light started to approach me from a distance. I felt a total sense of unconditional love emanating from her.

“Michaela,” said the being, who I figured must have been an angel as I saw her jewel encrusted wings swaying back and forth, “you have made a terrible mistake in allowing Damian possess you.”

“Who are you?” I wondered out loud,

“I am Cassiel, your guardian Angel.  And we are here because you are in grave danger.” “I guess letting myself be possessed by a demon wasn’t such a bright idea after all.”

“No kidding!” She said, then laughed lightly, clearly trying to evade hurting my feelings.

But then she gazed into my eyes with a deep understanding and compassion, as if she could see straight through my soul and knew me better than I knew myself.

“You were lonely, lacking in self-love. You let your demons from your past overcome you.  But it’s okay now, because I’m here to help.  I’m going to show you how to reclaim your inner light and overcome Damian.”

“I killed someone, Cassiel,” I said, tears streaming down my face.

“No, Damian did it.  And that will be taken care of. You must see now that there is so much in God’s hands - so much going on behind the scenes that you are unaware of.  But we ultimately have your back.  Your angels, your spirit guides, Source, the entire universe is secretly conspiring in your favor.”

“I don’t understand how they could allow all of this to happen to me then, Cassiel,”

“Michaela,” she said softly, “everyone has free will and must answer for the consequences of their actions. Karma catches up with everyone.  But ultimately, everyone is forgiven for their deeds after they have worked through their karma and regained memory of their divinity.”

“So what happens next?”

“You’re going to be sent back to your body.  By this point, Damian’s strength will make it hard for you to let go of his possession.  But you must not give up or lose faith, Michaela. There is a light within you that is stronger than any force of evil that has ever been.  And that’s the force of self-love. You must see that you are worthy and that love never leaves you, even when you are on your own.”

“That’s something that I’ve always struggled with.” “I know. And you are certainly not the only one.  So many, if not all of your species’ problems are rooted in this lack of love.  But it is infinite and existing everywhere, if only you will open your heart and allow yourself to tap into it.”

“So what does that have to do with exorcising Damian?”

“Allow the light to possess you instead,” she said, and with that, everything went black again.

————————

When I regained consciousness and flew back in my body once more, I was seated on an airplane next to the window, with a cocktail and an upscale looking meal in front of me.

Welcome back, my love, Damian said.

“Hi,” I said, in a fog.

Your dinner is waiting for you.

“Nice!” I said warily, “Where are we going?”

My dear, he said, we are bound for Paris. We are going to start a new life, you and me.

“A clean break!” Being powerless, I was just going along with him at this point.

Yes, he said, and laughed lightly

Once we touched down in Paris, I felt a renewed sense of hope and vigor. Because of the possession, I was able to fluently speak French. I had been here before when I was younger once, when the past that haunted me now was more of a present, everyday reality. I wanted to think that I was in a better place now, but given the fact that I was possessed by a literal demon, it was hard to say.

Now Michaela, my love, said Damian, while we are here, I will have some commitments to attend to in the underworld. I trust that you will be able to manage for several days at a time without me.

“I will do my best,” I said, like the dutiful wife I was pretending to be.

I know you need me, and are nothing without me except a lonely, blubbering mess.

“Okay,” I said. What an ass. “Can’t wait until you get back!”

———————-

With Damian gone, I felt like I could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

I spent long afternoon strolling through ancient cobblestone streets and evenings sitting on terraces, drinking wine and people watching. As I rode the metro and wandered in and out of several boutiques, an awareness started to wash over me.

And that was this feeling of total contentedness and peace - with just me, on my own.  No more loneliness, no more aching inside.  It felt as if I had a clean slate, a barren soil that was fertile enough to foster my growing sense of self-love and independence.

I met some very interesting people.  One afternoon as I was strolling alongside the Seine I saw a painter and was inspired by his lifestyle. He made ends meet by waiting tables at night and spent of the rest of his time devoting his life to art.

There were some people who were in a much worse state. Many homeless people and I saw myself in them.  My heart reached out to the invisible who had demons of their own they had yet to overcome and I wanted nothing more to help them.

I was exploring Notre Dame cathedral when Damian finally returned.

What are you doing here? His voice sounded very sinister.

“Sightseeing,” I replied casually.

Get out of this building at once, he hissed.

Apparently I didn’t have a say in the matter as my feet began to move on their own.

What do you say we have a picnic in the park underneath the Eiffel Tower, ma cherie?

The thought made me queasy but I agreed.

As we were sitting underneath the Eiffel Tower, there was an awkward pause.

You’re awfully quiet, Michaela.

“Sorry, I’m just soaking it all in. The twinkling lights, this lovely picnic you’ve prepared - it’s every girl’s dream!” And as I was saying it, I realized a part of me still meant it.  After all the progress I’d made on my own, I realized I was lucky to be sharing this moment with another entity, even if he was a demon.

Yes, my love, he said. And there will be many more such moments to come. I’m never letting you go!

That made me feel nauseous and I seemed to snapped out of it a bit.

“Damian, I don’t know about that. We killed someone! We can’t keep running from that forever.”

I could feel his temper starting to rise.

So what are you suggesting, Mickey? Turning ourselves into the police? They’ll never believe you. They’ll think you’re insane if you tell them the truth. And you’ll be locked behind bars for the rest of your life. I’m your only hope at a good life.

After he said that, something within me started to fall apart at the seams. I was no longer sure of myself, sure of where I began and where Damian ended. I felt so controlled and like I had no way out of this relationship. I could only go along with it and hope for the best.

I remembered what the angel Cassiel told me and wondered whether what she said was true or not.  Something within me told me her words rang true. Suddenly I had a very strong urge to expunge Damian and everything about him from my being. I needed an exorcist, a priest, but although I had a strong sense of spirituality I was not a religious person and didn’t think going to one would work. No, something within me knew the answer. And I knew I could wait no longer to rid myself of this demon forever.

But I needed evidence of Damian’s murder. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life behind bars for a crime I did not commit. He was right in saying that no one would ever believe me. I needed proof that I was truly possessed by a demon.

And that was how I found myself at the PIOP, or Paranormal Investigators of Paris.

———

Of course, I had to wait until Damian was away at work for several days in the underworld. The PIOP referred me to a renowned shaman who performed exorcisms at Notre Dame Cathedral. I corresponded to the shaman via email and told her about my case.  She said it sounded like a doozy alright, and that I should think of a way to trick Damian into planning a date at the cathedral where the exorcism could be performed.

That night when Damian returned, I turned on the charm and told him I had a special date planned for us tonight in Paris. He was exhilarated about it! First we went out to a fancy vegan restaurant for one final goodbye dinner.  For the first time he opened up to me about some of his experiences in Hell.

So I said to him, in Lucifer’s name, you musn’t use that torture device! It’s from the 18th century.  We’re so much more humane than that now. Get the Tiger Bench.

“My woke demon,” I said, Damian too wrapped up in his story to catch the sarcasm.

As he rambled on about his day in literal Hell, I wondered once more how I had ever let myself get in this situation. Sure, I had trauma from my past. Dysfunctional family. I remember growing up my mom would throw dishes at our heads when she was in one of her rages. Absent father. A string of loser boyfriends who treated me like nothing. I wanted so badly to be loved and understood that I was willing to settle for anyone giving me any attention, filling the place that was supposed to be occupied by my father. And of course, the mental health issues that plagued me from perpetually feeling like an outsider in this society. It’s no wonder I let myself become possessed by a demon.

But no more, I decided in that instant. I was healing and had gotten to a place where I didn’t need anyone’s love except my own. Everyday was a chance to start over, to pursue my dreams and visions, to become someone great.  And to become that person, I needed to let go of my past. I needed to let go of my demons.

I needed to let go of Damian.

After the waiter brought us the check, and Damian was still rambling about his day, I said, “Hey, D, sorry to interrupt your story,” yeah, so sorry, “but there’s something I really wanted to check out at the Notre Dame Cathedral. I know you have an aversion to that place, and churches in general, but it will only be for a moment.”

Damian paused his story abruptly. If demons had hackles, you could almost feel his being raised.

Michaela, he said in a seething tone, I would really we rather not. Couldn’t we go to the catacombs instead?

“Oh, it will only be for a minute, sweetie,” I said, “I want to see the home of Quasimodo. And I know how much you love the song ‘Hellfire’!”

He seemed like he was starting to warm up to the idea.

Yes, that is one of my favorites, he said, and preceded to burst into song. You can be the Esmerelda to my Frodo!

Too far, I thought. “Okay, that’s enough!” I said, and we both laughed. There were some parts of being possessed by him I was going to miss, which is why what I was about to do wasn’t going to be easy.

But it wasn’t enough to stop me — us — from riding the metro to the Notre Dame Cathedral.

For the final time.

Chapter 5. When we walked inside, I was amazed once more by the stunning architecture of the cathedral.  But even my amazement at the light shining through the stained glass couldn’t stop the nervousness creeping up in within me for the act we were about to undergo.

I could feel Damian’s discomfort and itchiness to leave. Can we go now? He hissed. “Of course,” I said assuredly, “but first I want to see the gargoyles.”

Damian let out a roar of rage but agreed, very reluctantly.

As we were climbing the spiral stairs up to the top of the tower, there was a hidden door  where I knew the shaman would be waiting, with camcorders from the PIOP to capture video evidence that I was truly possessed and shouldn’t be held responsible for my boss’ murder.  The shaman would also be able to testify as a witness.

“Oh, look, Damian, a hidden passageway!”

We ducked through the door and the shaman quickly slammed it shut.

NO! He screamed. YOU BITCH! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!

But it was too late for Damian. I lied down on the gurney and as I was strapped to the table, Damian started thrashing and wailing about. The shaman starting waving her arms and reciting latin incantations and I started reciting a few affirmations of my own:

“I am enough. I am whole. I am loved and lovable, without or without you.  I am enough. I am whole…” and as I repeated these words, I felt an immense, golden light rising up from within me, covering my aura and I knew that Damian and all the demons from my past could no longer energetically occupy the same space as this light.

And before I knew it, it was all over.

———————

Things were different after that. I was determined to make it as an artist, even it it meant taking a pay cut.  Being possessed by Damian taught me a lot, and I truly began to understood what Cassiel meant when she said that everything is happening in divine order, for our highest good.

For the time being I was working in a bar in Buffalo, NY, renting a small house and working on building my dreams during the day.  I still had enough saved from my previous role as an investment banker that I didn’t have anything financially to worry about for a while, but enjoyed spending my evenings at the bar.  It was funky and had a cool atmosphere that attracted a bohemian crowd.  During the day I worked on creating music and photography. I dreamed of one day being a speaker and sharing the experiences I had, and more importantly how I had overcome them.  I wanted to give back more than anything.

One night while I was working there was a very handsome musician playing at the open mic. He was very well mannered and we had an in depth, philosophical conversation about the nature of the universe. Before he left we exchanged contact information, and I had a good feeling about it, but I was in no hurry to rush into another relationship.

For now I was just enjoying my own company, fulfilling my passions, working towards turning my dreams into reality and making the world a better place.

For me, that was enough.

I was enough.

I had always been enough.

[honeyhesharrystyles]

THE NUT CASE    |      CHAPTER 1     |    GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT

+ D E T E C T I V E   H A R R Y    S T Y L E S

Cold.  That's all I felt as I trudged through the snow that covered the ground  in front of my house. The sound of my phone ringing is what was heard  through the quiet of the night. It's been ringing all day, pissing me  off more and more. I inhaled a slow breath, and exhaled, the cold air  instantly making it look like a cloud of smoke. Snatching my phone out  of my pocket, I opened the door to my car and snapped into the phone  with a voice like venom, "Styles."

"H-Harry?" a small voice whispered.

My brows furrowed, the bitterness in my voice quickly being replaced with concern. "Gem?"

When  I turned my car on, the soft voice of Billy Joel began coming out of  the radio and I shut my door, hopefully stopping the cold from making my  nose and cheeks any redder.

"Harry... J-Jake... H-He's... He's not getting any better. S-so.. they took him. Harry, they took him."

I sighed sadly for Jake, my once strong and happy brother in law. "Where Gem? Where did they take him?"

"Orange  County's Mental Hospital. I-I'm... I'm here now, but they won't let me  see him harry and I-" she let out a loud sob, not able to finish her  sentence.

"Okay, Okay, listen Gem. I'm on my way just- Just stay there alright. I'm sure they'd let us in if I speak with them."

Plugging  the keys in the ignition, I turned the car on and was slightly calmed  by the soft purr of my engine. Backing out of my drive way was pretty  hard to do at night and I cringed as I heard the sound of a trash can  hitting the ground. Ignoring it and telling myself Maria would pick it  up when she came over, I finally backed out of my driveway and drove  off, listening to the sound of my older sister's heart shattering over  and over again the longer she waited for news on her husband.

+

"Harry?"  was the first thing I heard as I stepped through the doors of the  hospital. And then came the trembling arms that wrapped themselves  around my neck.

I rubbed my sisters back, whispering calming things into her ear.

She  pulled away and sniffled, watching me with watery eyes. "They took him  about 2 hours ago and- and i've been begging the lady upfront to let me  see him but she's been ignoring me and I don't know what to do Harry,  I-"

"Okay shhh. Let me handle this."

My boots clicked   against the ground as I walked up to the lady, smirking as her blue eyes  met my green ones and she visibly tensed up as I got closer. "Excuse   me, Miss? My older sister an I would really like to see someone very   close to us. Is it possible you can give me his room number?"

She gulped. "U-Uh, I... S-Sure... What would h-his name be?"

"Jake  Bryan." Her red nails tapped against the keyboard quickly as she  searched the computer for Jake. I noticed the way she kept looking up at  me and the way she'd blush when I caught her looking. She was cute. I  don't understand how someone like her could give anybody a hard time.  "U-um... I'm sorry sir but Jake Bryan has been announced unstable and  isn't allowed any v-visitors until-" She squinted at the screen and  pursed her lips. "Until December 30th."

Behind me, I could hear Gemma's sharp intake of breath. I knew it would be a matter of time   before the sobbing started up again and the thing i hate most in this   fucked up world is seeing my older sister cry.

I smiled back at  the woman, putting on my most charming smile I used mostly on female   witnesses who don't want to confess. "Listen. We really need to see   someone very important to us. Would you please let us through? We'll be in and out. I promise."

She stared at me for a second longer,  finally agreeing after I bit my lip nervously. I did a small victory  cheer as she walked in the back room to grab a key for Jake's room. A  small scoff came from my right and I looked down to see my sister  staring at me in disbelief. "How the hell??"

I laughed quietly  as the nurse walked back into the room, flicking her wrist as a gesture   for us to follow her. Walking through the halls of a Mental Hospital   should freak me out but it didn't. I've been through way to many cases   that are far worse than the things happening here. From mutilated bodies  to the remains of someone who has been set on fire. But walking through  these halls still make me feel for the souls that lost their way.

"Okay."  The nurse said, stopping in front of a door that read 'ROOM 310' in bold  letters. "He's in here. But if someone comes by and you guys get in  trouble, it's your fault." She snapped. We nodded and she turned the  lock. The click of the lock sounded and signaled us that the door was  open as the nurse nodded at us and walked away, leaving us to see Jake  ourselves.

When we walked in, Gem and I expected the worst, but  instead we found Jake sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. It  snapped up instantly at the sound of Gemma's shaking voice. "Jake?? Oh  my god.."

Gem ran towards him as the two embraced, both holding  on each other for dear life as I strode over to the bed and stood  against the bed frame.

"Gemma..." Jake sighed into her shoulder.  She pulled away, allowing him to speak clearly. "I-I'm sorry babe I  just... I keep hearing the explosions a-and the screams- Oh my god  Gemma, the fucking screams. They sound so painful." A lone tear slid  down Jake's face, dripping off of his chin and splashing onto the gown  that the hospital gave him. "A-And it hurts so fucking bad to know  that... I could have saved them. B-But I was weak- I let them die Gemma,  it's my fault-"

She shook her head, pulling him back into her  chest, crying with him. "No baby, it's not. You tried your best. You did  what you could."

I frowned and immediately felt like I was  intruding on a personal moment so I quietly excused my self from the  room and left the two of them to sort things out. I shut the door with a  soft click and walked down those halls again with a heavy heart. Seeing  Jake like that is so weird to me. He was strong. He was okay. But now  he's broken. Jumping at even the smallest thud. As I passed the desk of  the lady from earlier, I heard her snapping at someone. I guess I was  wrong about her not being able to hurt someone.

Chuckling at my  little revelation, I sat down in a seat in the lobby, waiting for Gemma  to come out with news. My phone buzzed in my pocked for the millionth  time and I finally gave in, picking it up and answering it.

"Styles!" I snapped.

"Harry, where the hell have you been all day?" Niall, my best friend, asked.

"Is that any of your damn business?" I said, rolling my eyes.

He laughed. Of course he laughed.

"Guess not. But hey, guess what?"

"What Niall. What can possibly be so important that you've called me 400 times today?"

"Well. Chief Liam found out about you and Pam."

"WHAT?"  I sneered. Pam is one of my co-workers. She's annoying, she's loud and  she's rude. But she's a good fuck, and we'd been going at it in my  office almost every chance we got.

"Yep." He said popping the P.  My anger began to fuel up even more as I heard Niall crunching on some  crisps, rather loudly might I add, in my fucking ear. "I came into the  station today and saw him yelling at her. When he got finished, I went  up to her to ask her what happened, and she just spilled everything.  Apparently, the station camera's caught you outside of your office."

"Fucking  hell. I thought I was careful. Shit, Liam's going to kill me." I told  him, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Alright, when I get back, we have  to-" I was cut off as a woman sat in the row of seats across me. "Uh,   Niall... I'm gonna call you back." I told him, hanging up before he   could reply.

She was short and very small. Her hair was long and  ginger. The red veins in the white of her eyes and the bags under them  told me that she wasn't getting any sleep. And her pale skin also told  me that she didn't go out much. The cuts and bruises on her lips told me  that she bit them a lot, maybe out of nervous habit? And the white  scrubs she had on told me she was a patient.

It took me a while   before I realized who she was. Everybody at the station talked about her  a lot, and there was even talk about her case re-opening and one of us  being assigned to it.

"Hello..." I said slowly, studying her, my fingers twitching as if automatically wanting to reach for my gun.

"Hi." She whispered, staring right at me.

"Can I help you?"

"Why do people always ask that?" She said, tilting her head at me.

I gulped and cleared my throat. "What-"

"Why do people always say 'Can I help you', when they know that they have no intentions of helping anyone but themselves."

I stared at her weirdly and looked around, searching for a nurse, then darting my eyes back to her. "I'm... I'm not sure."

"Well if you're not sure, then why'd you say it silly?"

I looked down at my watch, then back at the corridor where my sister was. "Um, I have to go-"

"Wait!"  she exclaimed, making me jump as I stared down at her with my knees  bent, about to stand up. "I'm.. I'm sorry if that was weird, I just....  I'm not good at this."

I sat back down in my seat, straightening up and clearing my throat again. "Good at what?"

"Talking.  I mean, I don't really get out much because of the rules here. They're  so strict, you know? And it's hard because I've been stuck inside  these walls for 13 years and I'm becoming very claustrophobic. What's  changed out there? Did they finally finish that amusement park they were  opening downtown? What about milkshakes, do milkshakes still exist?  God, what i'd do for a chocolate and fudge mil-"

"You're rambling." I told her, stifling my smirk as I saw her blush and drop her head.

"Sorry, I-"

"Scarlett  Rose!" Someone called, making us both look away and over at an older  woman rushing towards us. Scarlett stood up quickly, looking down at the   floor with guilt written all over her features. "What are you doing out of your room? You know you're not allowed!"

She flicked her  head up, her fiery orange hair flicking out of her face at the gesture.  "I'm sorry nurse Matthews. But I got bored-"

"Yeah, but you  could get us BOTH in trouble for being out here." The nurse then glanced  over at me, smiling softly. "I'm sorry if she caused you any trouble."

I  nodded once, watching her drag Scarlett away. I watched as she looked  back over her shoulder, green connecting with brown for a moment as she  disappeared behind the double doors that led to that corridor and left. I  looked back down in my hand, after feeling my phone vibrate as a text  from Pam came through.

But I didn't get the chance to read it  because when I looked up, I saw Gemma coming from the hall, a small  happy smile on her face. I forgot about the text from Pam and addressed  my tear free sister.

"So?" I asked.

"He says he's okay  for now. They're feeding him properly and he's soon going to get scrubs   too. He also introduced me to his nurse, Ronnie. Ronnie told me that for  now, I can only make hour calls to him but in a month or so, I'll be   able to visit him regularly." She told me with her eyes shining.

I smiled widely. "That's great Gem."

Gemma  and I walked out together, the cold hitting us and making us pull our  coats tighter against our body for warmth. As I walked towards my car,  Gem spoke again. "Uh Harry? Is it alright if you drop me off at my  house? I took the bus here."

I nodded and gestured for her to  get in. When we got in the car, I turned the heater on and shut the  door, blowing into my hands to warm them up.

Gemma and I sat in   silence as both of us got lost in our thoughts. I should have been   thinking about chief liam finding out about Pam and I's secret affair,   or the fact that I still need to buy a new laptop after the coffee   incident yesterday, or even that fucking trash bin I knocked over   tonight but the only thing that was plaguing my mind at the moment was   the rambling ginger, and her innocent brown eyes.

[feysandfeels]

2, 10, 18!

I adore you, you beautiful queen!

2.which ancient civilization were you obsessed with as a kid?

I've always been into ancient civilizations, so you'll excuse me, Liz dear if I mention my top five (six).

I was an ancient Greece and Rome girl. My parents bought me the Odyssey for kids and the Metamorphosis and I was hooked! I always felt quite drawn to their culture and religion. I still do and I can't wait to do an Hellenic world tour and visit the temples and the ruins of Troy and all that.

But I also loved the Aztec and Mayan civilizations. I would literally sell my liver to see Tenochtitlan back in its heyday, and do a full driving tour of the Yucatan peninsula revisiting all the Mayans left behind. My senior year trip to Cancun was a party and drunk fest and I feel I need to go back lol.

Finally I love love love love love que Celts and the Egyptians. They are much more of a mystery to me but jesus fuck I spent hours and hours and hours studying and learning about them when I was younger. Literally I want to learn some celtic languages because they are stunning. And well Egypt, there was a time I could name all the deities in their pantheon... with some effort I still can.

10.if you could go to dinner with three (3) people, living dead or fictional, who would it be?

Normally for this question I always go for the intelectual answers like this author or this performer or this historical figure...but imma just simp here

Rhysand, obviously I will pick the love of my life.

Matthew Daddario, the person who most closely resembles rhys irl for me and the other non fictional love of my life

Will Turner, my man is fine a fuck and the og love of my life

I want to spend my dinner being adored and flirting thank you very much.

18.quick, you’re drunk and shoved on stage for karaoke, what song do you pick?

Man I haven't done much karaoke in my life, but I think it would be R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys... or or or or Super Bass since I can rap that in my sleep

Liz’s ask game

[mylifeinshowtunes]

BOOTYLEGS (updated nov 22 2021)

Hello! Here’s a list of my bootlegs. They are all video, the ones which are audio are specified. 

If there’s only the title of the show then I don’t know which cast it is (sorry). 

I’m willing to gift these but  trading is appreciated! 

If I gift you a bootleg PLEASE consider donating something to my Ko-Fi, I’m putting away some money for University, and your donation no matter how small can really help me out!

If we are trading send me your list and I would appreciate it if you sent your bootleg first. 

If you want any of these MESSAGE ME, also be nice, i won’t give you anything if you are rude so please keep that in mind. 

I might not always be able to answer, so just wait, if more than 2 days pass write again. 

PLEASE be specific about the bootlegs you want. 

*All shows starting with “the” are under the letter T*

Thank you :)

[TITLE OF SHOW]

unknown cast 

&JULIET

West End Cast - november 2019

21 CHUMP STREET

21 Chump Street - Brooklyn Academy of Music (June 7th, 2014) - Original Cast

A CHORUS LINE

A Chorus Line (2006 Broadway revival, opening night)

A GENTLEMAN'S GUIDE TO LOVE AND MURDER

Broadway 11.3.13

A MIDSUMMER’S NIGHT DREAM

2013 PROSHOT Globe

Bridge Theatre NTL

A NEW BRAIN 

2015 cast

1998 cast

A VERY POTTER MUSICAL 

A VERY POTTER SEQUEL

A VERY POTTER SENIOR YEAR

AMADEUS

National Theatre Live (2016) PROSHOT

AMELIE

Original Broadway Cast

AMERICAN IDIOT

AMERICAN IDIOT | Los Angeles | Full Show PROSHOT

Broadway 2017 cast

AMERICAN PSYCHO

unknown cast

ANASTASIA

Anastasia OBC (Hartford Stage, off Broadway)

Anastasia on BROADWAY

ANGLES IN AMERICA 

National Theatre Proshot version

2003 mini series

ASSASSINS

Original Broadway Cast

AVENUE Q

OBC

BANDSTAND

On Broadway, unknown cast

Bandstand - Fatham Events

BARE: A POP OPERA

Off Broadway cast

BAT OUT OF HELL

West End version july 2017

West End (with Alex Thomas Smith as Tink)

BE MORE CHILL 

AUDIO bootleg

The play (Chicago at the Griffin theater), THIS IS NOT A BOOTLEG OF THE MUSICAL VERSION

Be More Chill UNCG Workshop (NOT OBC AND NOT COMPLETE)

INCOMPLETE bootleg of the musical (first 35 minutes)

ORIGINAL BROADWAY CAST

AUDIO revival (11.10.17)

AUDIO Australian Premiere Cast

BEETLEJUICE

Beetlejuice - 09-2019- BROADWAY CAST

closer view

Beetle juice play original cast (7•27•19) ( 1080 X 1920 ) [Missing Girl Scout Song]

Beetlejuice with Presley Ryan

Beetlejuice with Will Blum

BENT

Los Angeles, CA (Center Theatre Group), 8th August 2015

BILLY ELLIOT

Billy Elliot (Chicago 2010) Tommy Batchelor

Billy Elliot the Musical Live PROSHOT

BOMBSHELL

NBC cast reunion 2020

CABARET

alan cumming 1998

Cabaret (Emma Stone)

Cabaret Adam Pascal.

CAROLINE OR CHANGE

West End cast December 2018

CARRIE THE MUSICAL

Carrie the Musical- 2012 Off-Broadway Revival

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Broadway OBC

Charlie Mezzanine OBC

charlie broadway Audio First Preview

CHICAGO

AUDIO, Chicago (12/3/17) featuring Todrick Hall as Billy Flynn (link in text)Cast: Leigh Zimmerman- Velma Kelly, Charolette d'Amboise- Roxie Hart, Brian O'Brien- Fred Casely, Peter Nelson- Sergent Fogarty, Raymon Bokhour- Amos Hart, Nicole Bridgewater- Liz, Gabrielle McClinton- Annie, Donna Marie Ashbury- June, Tonya Wathen- Hunyak, Robyn Hurder- Mona, LaVon Fisher Wilson- Matron "Mama" Morton, Todrick Hall- Billy Flynn, R. Lowe- Mary Sunshine, Beth Johnson Nicely- Go-To-Hell-Kitty, Michael Scirrotto- Harry/ The Jury, Jason Patrick Sands- Doctor, Denny Paschall- Aaron, Barrett Martin- Bailiff, James T. Lane- The Judge, Barrett Martin- Court Clerk

COME FROM AWAY

OBC

Broadway Proshot 2021

COMPANY

West End Production AUDIO, February 25, 2019 - Rosalie Craig (Bobbie), Patti LuPone (Joanne), Mel Giedroyc (Sarah), Jonathan Bailey (Jamie), George Blagden (PJ), Ashley Campbell (Peter), Richard Fleeshman (Andy), Alex Gaumond (Paul), Richard Henders (David), Ben Lewis (Larry), Daisy Maywood (Susan), Jennifer Saayeng (Jenny), Matthew Seadon-Young (Theo), Grant Neal (u/s Harry).

DEAR EVAN HANSEN

Broadway OBC

OBC HD version (ACT ONE ONLY)

AUDIO with MLB as Evan Hansen (7-12-17)

AUDIO Colton Ryan as Evan Hansen

AUDIO 7.19.17 (MLB as Evan, Colton as Jared, Garrett as Heidi)

AUDIO 7-30.17 MLB DEH

AUDIO, DEH PREVIEWS WASHINGTON DC (slight changes to songs, should be OBC) 

AUDIO, MLB AS CONNOR (first act cuts off after Sincerely Me, second act complete)

AUDIO, MLB as Evan, Olivia as Zoe, and Garrett as Heidi

AUDIO, second stage audio

AUDIO, Ben Platt last show

AUDIO, Colton Ryan and Olivia Puckett 

AUDIO, Lisa Brescia Cynthia 8-3-17

AUDIO, Noah Galvin

9.30.18 Taylor Trensch (Laura Dreyfuss, Alex Boniello, Lisa Brescia, JLT, Phoenix Best, Asa Somers, Sky Lakota Lynch 

Taylor Trensch Broadway (Mallory Betchel, Alex Boniello, Lisa Brescia, JLT, Michael Park, Phoenix Best, Sky Lynch): 

 JANUARY 2020 Broadway Cast (Jordan Fisher)

DIANA

Netflix Proshot 2021

ELEGIES

2003 off Broadway

ELISABETH DAS MUSICAL

Elisabeth das Musical Wien 2005 English Subtitles

EUGENIUS!

West end Proshot

EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT JAMIE

AUDIO west end 21.11.17

PROSHOT version 

Amazon Prime movie 2021

FALSETTOS

Proshot version (with audio fixed, i also have a subbed version)

Frontal view

Side/up view

Falsettoland - Original Off Broadway Cast

Falsettos LA1993OBC(Jason played by Sivan Cotel)

Falsettos Lincoln Center Revival National Tour April 19th 2019 Cast: Max Von Essen (Marvin), Nick Adams (Whizzer),Eden Espinosa (Trina),Nick Blaemire (Mendel),Thatcher Jacobs (Jason), Bryonha Marie Parham (Charlotte),Audrey Cardwell (Cordelia) Notes: Pretty much the full show. Missing the last 15 mins of Act Two. Ends at the Bar Mitzvah Scene. Occasional head blocking the right of the stage. (thegr8ststarofall master)

AUDIO Falsettos Oct 1, 2016 (Today4uTomorrow4Netflix’s Master)

AUDIO 08 January 2017 - Closing night

AUDIO 1/6/17 (Peyton Lusk u/s Jason from Making a Home)

WEST END video Septemebr 2019

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF

 AUDIO, fiddler on the roof revival (jessica vosk understudy for golde starting in act 2)

FIRST DATE

OBC 

FLEABAG

NTL 2019 production PROSHOT

FRANKENSTEIN

NTL PROSHOT with Johnny Lee Miller as The Creature

NTL PROSHOT with Benedict Cumberbatch as The Creature

FROZEN

Live at the Hyperion (FIRST SHOWING) [THIS IS NOT A BROADWAY PRODUCTION]

AUDIO: Frozen (Denver) First Preview (August 17 2017)

DENVER 8.17.17 (USED TO BE NFT)

FUN HOME

Victor Garden Theatre Proshot

FUNNY GIRL

Funny Girl with Stephanie J.Block 

GHOST QUARTER

Ghost Quartet at the McKittrick Hotel, Jan. 12, 2015.

GIGI

GROUNDHOG DAY

OBC 

first preview (set breaks)

HADESTOWN

AUDIO, Edmonton, secon preview 

AUDIO, Hadestown (audio, Off-Broadway)

VIDEO of West End Production at National Theatre

Broadway Preview

Broadway January 2020

HAIRSPRAY 

Hairspray with Andrew Rannells

Hairspray Live (12/07/16)! Cast: Maddie Baillio (Tracy Turnblad), Dove Cameron (Amber von Tussle), Kristin Chenoweth (Velma von Tussle), Garrett Clayton (Link Larkin), Billy Eichner (Rob Barker),  Harvey Fierstein (Edna Turnblad), Sean Hayes (Mr. Pinky), Ariana Grande (Penny Pingleton),  Derek Hough (Corny Collins), Jennifer Hudson (Motormouth Maybelle), Shahadi Wright Joseph (Little Inez), Andrea Martin (Prudy Pingleton), Rosie O'Donnell (Health Ed Teacher),  Ephraim Sykes (Seeweed J. Stubbs), Martin Short (Wilbur Turnblad)

Hairspray with Aaron Tveit

HAMILTON

Hamilton OBC (I also have a version eng subbed, and one with ita sub)

Hamilton OBC filmed from stalls

Hamildoc

Drunk History full episode with Lin

Hamilton Chicago

AUDIO Hamilton with Jon Rua (for cast details message me)

Hamilton with Andrew Rannells (FIRST ACT ONLY)

AUDIO 08/16/2017 - Los Angeles - Michael Luwoye (Alexander Hamilton), Solea Pfeiffer (Eliza Schuyler), Joshua Henry (Aaron Burr), Emmy Raver-Lampman (Angelica Schuyler), Isaiah Johnson (George Washington), Jordan Donica (Lafayette/Jefferson), Mathenee Treco (Mulligan/Madison), Rubén J. Carbajal (Laurens/Philip Hamilton), Amber Iman (Peggy Schuyler/Maria Reynolds), Rory O'Malley (King George)

AUDIO ANDREW RANNELLS (What Comes Next and I Know Him)

HAMILTON TOUR 2017 (VOB, It’s the one which used to be NFT)

AUDIO, Hamilton Tour Cast (Oct 6, 2017)

Hamilton West End November 2018 Cast: Sifiso Mazibuko (s/b Alexander Hamilton), Rachelle Ann Go (Eliza Hamilton), Giles Terera (Aaron Burr), Rachel John (Angelica Hamilton), Obioma Ugoala (George Washington), Jason Pennycooke (Marquis de Lafayette/Thomas Jefferson), Tarinn Callender (Hercules Mulligan/James Madison), Cleve September (John Laurens/Philip Hamilton), Christine Allado (Peggy Schuyler/Maria Reynolds), Michael Gibson (King George III), Jade Albertsen, Johnny Bishop, Leslie Garcia Bowman, Jon Scott Clark, Kelly Downing, Gregory Haney, Leah Hill, Waylon Jacobs, Miriam-Teak Lee, Phoebe Liberty, Gabriel Mokake (Ensemble)

DISNEY PLUS PROSHOT (also with Italian subs)

HAMLET 

 National Theatre, Andrew Scott (PROSHOT)

The Globe 2018 PROSHOT

HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD

april 2017 bootleg

Broadway (undated)

Broadway April 2019

HEATHERS

Heathers the Musical (New Version-proshoot)

I also have another version found on youtube

heathers oobc

AUDIO, Heathers with Thomas Sanders 

Heathers | West End | 2018/11/24 Closing Night

West End July 2021 (Christina Bennington as Veronica)

HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH

Andrew Rannells

Andrew Rannells (better quality)

Neil Patrick Harris

Lena Hall

Off-Broadway

Anthony Rapp

Darren Criss

Michael C. Hall

Hedwig Lena Hall (25-11-16) 

AUDIO: Andrew Rannell's birthday show

AUDIO: Hedwig Andrew’s closing night 10-12-14

Andrew Rannells 21-08-15

Andrew Rannells 30-08-15

John Cameron Mitchell 2015 Proshot

HELLO AGAIN

2017 movie version 

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

Daniel Radcliffe

IF/THEN

If-Then (Broadway preview performance)

IN THE HEIGHTS

low quality proshot

obc

IN TROUSERS

IN TROUSERS TRINITY COLLEGE PRODUCTION 1992

INDECENT

Indecent- 08-03-17 Pro-Shot

INTO THE WOODS

Into The Woods(OBC PROSHOT)

JAGGED LITTLE PILL

Broadway AUDIO Broadway November 2019

JERSEY BOYS

Andrew Rannells 12/22/07, FIRST 15 MINUTES ARE MISSING 

JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR

2018 PROSHOT Concert

JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT

The film

JULIUS CAESAR

NTL 2018 PROSHOT

KING LEAR

King Lear (Donmar Warehouse NT), PROSHOT (Derek Jacobi)

KINKY BOOTS

Kinky boots (unidentified cast)

Kinky Boots 2017 with Brendon Urie (starts at Sex is in the heel)

PROSHOT by BroadwayHD

AUDIO, with Brendon Urie as Charlie (Opening Night)

AUDIO, with Todrick Hall as Lola

OBC VIDEO Stark Sands (Charlie Price), Billy Porter (Lola), Annaleigh Ashford (Lauren), Lena Hall (Nicola), Andy Kelso (Harry), Stephen Berger (Mr. Price), Eugene Barry-Hill (Simon Sr.), Daniel Sherman (Don), Marcus Neville (George), Tory Ross (Pat), Jennifer Perry (Trish), John Jeffrey Martin (Richard Bailey), Adinah Alexander (Milan Stage Manager), Caroline Bowman (Maggie), Sebastian Hedges Thomas (Young Charlie), Marquise Neal (Young Lola)

LAZARUS

Original Cast Proshot

LEGALLY BLONDE

Legally Blonde The Musical -MTV (Christian Borle) proshot [I also have it with english subtitles]

Legally Blonde - February 24th 2007 - San Francisco, CA (it should be OBC, it features Christian Borle)

Legally Blonde - September 16th, 2007 (I think it’s OBC)

Legally Blonde | 2007/10/25 | Broadway | VOB [no smalls] | MEGA

Becky Gulsvig (Elle u/s), Andy Karl (Emmett u/s), Richard Blake, Kate Shindle, Michael Rupert, Orfeh, Nikki Snelson, Haven Burton, Asmeret Ghebremichael, Tracy Jai Edwards, Matthew Risch (Kyle/Dewey u/s), Rod Harrelson (Grandmaster Chad/Carlos u/s), Cara Cooper (u/s). Note: Starts in the middle of "Omigod You Guys."

LES MIS

Les Miserables (2014 Broadway Revival)

AUDIO BOOTLEG, current west end cast (summer 2017)

les mis BRASIL CAST

les mis london cast 2010-11 (Samantha Barks as Eponine)

Les mis with Carrie Hope Fletcher (London 19th September 2013)

AUDIO Les Mis west end (2017 09 02) [NFT]

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS

AUDIO Little Shop of Horrors Pasadena Playhouse 9/17/19 (first preview) Cast: George Salazar (Seymour), Mj Rodriguez (Audrey), Amber Riley (Audrey II), Kevin Chamberlin (Mr. Mushnik), Matthew Wilkas (Dr. Orin Scrivello), Brittany Campbell (Ronnette), Tickwanya Jones (Chiffon), Cheyenne Isabel Wells (Crystal)

Little Shop of Horrors, Menier Chocolate Factory production. UK Tour, 2009.

LOVE IN HATE NATION

Original Off Broadway Cast

LOVE NEVER DIES

Ramin Karimloo, Sierra Boggess, Joseph Milson, April 29, 2010; London (Pre-Changes)

Australian cast 2011, PROSHOT

MARY POPPINS

AUDIO Mary Poppins - Christian Borle

MATILDA

Matilda Broadway (Queen Lesli)

ME AND MY GIRL

Christian Borle and Laura Michelle Kelly

MEAN GIRLS

HQ broadway 

July 4, 2018 BROADWAY

AUDIO, Mean Girls - DC First Preview 10-31-17 (opening night))

MEDEA

National Theatre Live 2014 PROSHOT

MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG

merrily we roll along encores 2012 (Lin Manuel Miranda)

MISS SAIGON

Miss Saigon.25th Anniversary.2016 (proshot)

MOULIN ROUGE

Boston cast

MOZART DAS MUSICAL

Budapest 2003 Proshot Cast: Wolfgang: Dolhai Attila, Constanze Weber: Szinetár Dóra, Colloredo: Szabó P. Szilveszter, Nannerl Mozart: Janza Kata, Leopold Mozart: Földes Tamás, Waldstätten bárónő: Polyák Lilla

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

Proshot with David Tennant and Catherine Tate

NATASHA, PIERRE AND THE GREAT COMET OF 1812

OBC

OBC HD VIDEO FROM DECEMBER

AUDIO, closing night (9.3.2017)

AUDIO Demo Album Dave Malloy (Pierre), Phillipa Soo (Natasha), Brittain Ashford (Sonya), Grace McLean (Marya), Lucas Steele, Amber Gray, Nick Choksi, Blake DeLong, Gelsey Bell, Paul Pinto

Demo songs including If He Were Here Now, Prologue, Natasha Lost, Charming, Letters, Sonya Alone tracked, mp3

AUDIO Natasha, Pierre & the Great Comet of 1812 25/03/2017, Broadway   Josh Groban (Pierre), Denée Benton (Natasha), Brittain Ashford (Sonya), Grace McLean (Marya D), Blaine Alden Krauss (u/s Anatole), Amber Gray (Hélène), Nick Choksi (Dolokhov), Nicholas Belton (Andrey/Bolkonsky), Gelsey Bell (Mary/Maid Servant/Opera Singer), Paul Pinto (Balaga/Servant/Opera Singer) [* The master was sitting in the orchestra right next to the curvy walkway so you can hear footsteps/stomping (and Hélène during the Abduction)! Includes the BC/EFA speech by Josh Groban and Denée Benton.] Tracked, mp3

AUDIO Natasha, Pierre & the Great Comet of 1812 05/05/2017, Broadway  Dave Malloy (t/r Pierre), Denee Benton (Natasha), Brittain Ashford (Sonya), Gelsey Bell (Mary/Maidservant/Opera Singer), Nicholas Belton(Andrey/Bolkonsky), Nick Chokski (Dolokhov), Amber Gray (Helene), Grace McLean (Marya D), Nick Gaswirth (u/s Balaga/Servant/Opera Singer), Lucas Steele (Anatole), Reed Luplau (Opera Dancer), Mary Page Nance (Opera Dancer), Sumayya Ali, Courtney Bassett, Josh Canfield, Kennedy Caughell, Ken Clark, Lulu Fall, Ashley Perez Flanagan, Alex Gibson, Billy Joe Klessling, Reed Luplau, Brandt Martinez, Andrew Mayer, Mary Page Nance, Shoba Narayan, Azudi Onyejekwe, Celia Mei Rubin, Heath Saunders, Cathryn Wake, Katrina Yaukey, Lauren Zakrin(Ensemble)

AUDIO Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 03/01/2016, A.R.T Denée Benton (Natasha), ​Scott Stangland (Pierre), Lucas Steele (Anatole), Brittain Ashford (Sonya), Gelsey Bell (Mary/Maid Servant/Opera Singer), Nick Choksi (Dolokhov), Lilli Cooper (Helene), Nicholas Belton (Bolkonsky/Andrey), Paul Pinto (Balaga/Servant/Opera Singer), Sumayya Ali, Courtney Bassett, Josh Canfield, Ken Clark, Erica Dorfler, Daniel Emond, Lulu Fall, Ashley Pérez Flanagan, Nick Gaswirth, Azudi Onyejekwe, Pearl Rhein, Heath Saunders, Katrina Yaukey, Lauren Zakrin

AUDIO Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 22/08/2017, broadway  Scott Stangland (Pierre), Denée Benton, Brittain Ashford, Grace McLean, Lucas Steele, Kennedy Caughell (Helene), Nick Choksi, Nicholas Belton, Gelsey Bell, Paul Pinto untracked, m4a

Closing night highlights

AUGUST 13, 2017 OAK 

Dave Malloy and Shoba Narayan

U/S for Pierre, Scott Stangland

NEWSIES

Proshot version

AUDIO BOOTLEG (pretty good quality, unknown cast)

Newsies (OBC, MIKE FAIST)

corey and kara (-finale)| MIKE FAIST, better quality

AUDIO Mike Faist as Jack Kelly

AUDIO Newsies Italia Audio (November 7, 2015) - (Note: This is all in Italian!) Cast: Flavio Gismondi (Jack Kelly), Roberto Tarsi (David Baum), Giula Fabbri (Katherine), Simone Leonardi (Joseph Pulitzer), Simona Patitucci (Edda Esposito), Andrea Fazio (Gruccia)

NEXT TO NORMAL

Next to Normal Broadway - last performance of Alice Ripley, Jennifer Damiano, and Brian d'Arcy James

Next to Normal US Tour - Original Tour Cast (Los Angeles)

NINE

2003 Broadway revival [Antonio Banderas, Chita Rivera, Laura Benanti, Mary Stuart Masterson, Jane Krakowski]

NOTRE DAME DE PARIS

Proshot with english subs

ONCE ON THIS ISLAND

Once On This Island 1118 matinee

PETER AND THE STARCATCHER

Peter and the Starcatcher (Christian Borle) 

PETER PAN

1998/1999 broadway cast [-peter pan: cathy rigby -captain hook/mr darling: paul schoeffler -mrs darling: barbara McCulloh -wendy darling: elisa sagardia -tiger lily: dana solimando -michael darling: drake english -john darling: barry cavanagh -smee: michael nostrand]

PETER PAN GOES WRONG

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

- May 17, 2014 Cast: Norm Lewis, Sierra Boggess, Jeremy Hays, Laird Mackintosh, Tim Jerome, Ellen Harvey, Heather Hill, Christian Sebek, Deanna Doyle

The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall

London 1995 proshot (Ethan Freeman, Jill Washington, Simon Bowman)

Broadway 1988 (Michael Crawford, Sarah Brightman, Steve Barton)

POKÉMON LIVE

with the wonderful Andrew Rannells

RATATUILLE 

The TikTok  musical 

RENT

Rent (2008 Live on Broadway), PROSHOT, ALSO SUBBED

Rent (OBC Opening Night)

Rent (OBC  5th anniversary reuninion)

RENT 08-06-10 (Aaron Tveit)

No Day But Today  - The Story of Rent (documentary)

Rent opening night documentary

AUDIO, 20th anniversary

Rent (Bruce Haasl, Mike Spee)

AUDIO, Rent 10/25/97 Ahmanson Theater, Los Angeles (NPH as Mark)

10th anniversary reunion OBC

20th anniversary tour FIRST ACT ONLY (12/9/2016)

Rent Tour, LA, 1998-01-09 (NEIL PATRICK HARRIS AS MARK)

AUDIO Rent - 1997-06-10 - BWY

RENT LIVE 2019

RENT Manchester Production 2021 PROSHOT 

ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW

Rocky Horror 04-20-01

ROMEO AND JULIET

R&I Lily and Robert PROSHOT

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD

National Theatre Live 2017 PROSHOT

SALOME

National Theatre Live 2017 PROSHOT

SISTER ACT

Sister Act OBC ( 2 april 2011)

SIX

AUDIO SiX London 15th January 2018 10pm

LONDON CAST

SOHO CINDERS

off west end oct 2019, Luke Bayer and Ben Darcy

SOMETHING ROTTEN!

OBC (BROADWAY PREVIEW) 

OBC PREVIEW March 28, 2015

Something Rotten - 2016-06-20 (Rob McClure)

Something Rotten Tour Cincinnati - 2017

AUDIO Something Rotten 3/22/16 - Andre Ward (Minstrel), David Beach (Brother Jeremiah), Kate Reinders (Portia), Christian Borle (William Shakespeare), Brian d'Arcy James (Nick Bottom), Eric Sciotto (u/s Nigel Bottom), Edward Hibbert (Lord Clapham/Master of Justice), Gerry Vichi (Shylock), Marisha Wallace (u/s Bea), David Hibbard, Brad Oscar (Nostradamus)

Will Chase, Rob McClure

SPAMALOT

Spamalot  2005 Full Show Original Production (with Christian Borle)

SPAMILTON

Off broadway (12.31.16)

SPONGEBOB THE MUSICAL

Chicago

AUDIO, SPONGEBOB OBC BROADWAY (minus Nick and Carlos, Plankton and Krabs)

BROADWAY NOVEMBER 2017

SPRING AWAKENING

OBC 

sa may 18 2008 (should be the last show with OBC)

Deaf West Presents Spring Awakening

sa  deaf west 10/18/2015 

sa 11-29-06

SWEENEY TODD

Sweeney Todd OBC (PROSHOT)

2014 Revival (christian Borle) PROSHOT

TANZ DER VAMPIRE

Berlin production with english subtitles 

THE 25TH ANNUAL PUTNAM COUNTY SPELLING BEE

 THE BOOK OF MORMON

OBC (I also have it with subtitles)

OBC from balcony

Ben Platt 

London

Workshop

Kj Hippensteel as Elder Price (first part is missing, starts at their arrival in Africa)

Book of Mormon Jumamosi (2nd national tour, Cody Jamison Strand)

Cody J Strand, David Larson

AUDIO: Kj Hippensteel as Elder Price on Broadway

AUDIO: West End (Kj Hippensteel, Cody Jamison Strand)

AUDIO: The Book of Mormon (London 10-19-16e)

AUDIO: West end (KJ HIPPENSTEEL, CODY JAMISON STRAND, STEVEN WEBB)

BOM AUSTRALIA (not complete bootleg, just clips)

BOM US TOUR (Gavin Creel and Jared Gertner)

BOM AUDIO 15.04.2015 (NIC ROULEAU, BRIAN SEARS, DENÉE BENTON)

BOM AUDIO WESTEND Book of Mormon (KJ Hippensteel/Cody Jamison Strand) (6th Oct 2017)

BOM AUDIO west end September 9 2017 (the u/s for Cunningham is on, message me for cast info)

BOM WEST END (jan 3rd 2018)

THE CHER SHOW

Pre-Broadway Chicago July 13, 2018

Broadway (undated)

THE COLOR PURPLE

Revival cast

THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHTIME

proshot

OBC

THE DROWSY CHAPERONE

The Drowsy Chaperone OBC

THE GRINNING MAN

West End Video (most of act one, parts of act 2)

Bristol Old Vic Proshot

THE LIGHTNING THIEF 

TLT off-broadway 2017 cast

Lightning Thief - August 20, 2014 Off-Broadway - Percy Jackson: Eric Meyers, Grover: Jordan Stanley, Annabeth: Kristin Stokes, Mr Brunner/Chiron/Poseidon/Hades: Graham Stevens, Sally/Clarisse/Thalia/Mrs Dodds: Zakiya Young, Luke/Ares/Mr D/Charon/Gabe: Parker Drown

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE

Royal Shakespeare Company PROSHOT

THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD 

revival

THE PRODUCERS

2005 Film with Eng Subs

THE PROM

PREVIEWS CAST

The Prom - Broadway - February 2, 2019

THE SOUND OF MUSIC

Proshot 2018

THE VIEW FROM UPSTAIRS

Audio

THE VOTE

The Vote (07 May 2015)

TICK, TICK…BOOM!

Tick Tick BOOM 09-18-01

Tick, Tick...Boom! (Original Off-Broadway Cast) 

TOOTSIE

11th September 2018, pre-Broadway, Chicago Production

TUCK EVERLASTING 

BROADWAY

TWELFTH NIGHT

NTL PROSHOT

URINETOWN

 Urinetown The Musical - Entire Show - Studio Players

VICTOR/VICTORIA

VICTOR/VICTORIA 2001 production

WAITING FOR GODOT

november 2013 b-way (McKellen, Stewart)

WAITRESS

OBC (not sure though)

Betsy Wolfe 

Jessie Mueller

AUDIO June 21, 2017 Matinee show Cast: Betsy Wolfe (Jenna), Charity Angél Dawson (Becky), Caitlin Houlahan (Dawn), Eric Anderson (Cal), Dakin Matthews (Joe), Joe Tippett (Earl), Molly Hager (Mother), Matt DeAngelis (Father), Dayna Jarae Dantzler (s/b Nurse Norma), Chris Diamantopoulos (Dr. Pomatter), Christopher Fitzgerald (Ogie), Stephanie Torns (Francine), Ella Dane Morgan (Lulu), Ensemble: Kayla Davion, Matt DeAngelis, Thay Floyd, Molly Hager, Dayna Jarae Dantzler, Jeremy Morse, Stephanie Torns 

AUDIO Betsy Wolfe, Jason Mraz

BETSY WOLFE 06.29.2017 (VOB, It’s the one which used to be NFT)

WAITRESS featuring JEREMY JORDAN and SHOSHANA BEAN 

WAITRESS featuring Colleen Ballinger

WE WILL ROCK YOU

2003 proshot (?) version

WEST SIDE STORY

West Side Story starring Matt Smith

WHO’S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF

NTL PROSHOT

WICKED

OBC

Wicked OBC pre bway 10 11 03

Wicked OBC (Idina Menzel last show)

WICKED OBC (Idina gets injured, comes up in the end in a red tracksuit)

Donna Vivino

04.09.2010, NYC, Mandy Gonzalez, Katie Rose Clarke

Aaron Tveit

Eden Espinosa, Megan HIlty (megan's last show)

Wicked (Laurel Harris, Kara Lindsay)

Stephanie J.Block

Wicked Annaleigh Ashford

Teal Wicks, Adam Lambert

October 29th, 2015 2nd National Tour - VOB + smalls Mary Kate Morrissey (s/b Elphaba), Carrie St. Louis (Glinda), Jake Boyd (Fiyero), Liana Hunt (Nessarose), Wendy Worthington (Madame Morrible), Stuart Zagnit (The Wizard). Lee Slobotikin (Boq), Chad Jennings (Dr. Dillamond) Notes: Filmed from orchestra but follows the action very well. MKM slays as Elphaba. There’s an audience member near the master in act two that yells a few drunk remarks, earning some laughs from the audience.

DUTCH WICKED: closing night (willemijn verkaik and keet deel)

GERMAN WICKED: Oberhausen 27th February 2011

YERMA

proshot with Billie Piper

YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN

Young Frankenstein November 10th, 2007, Broadway VOB (Cast: Roger Bart, Christopher Fitzgerald, Sutton Foster, Andrea Martin, Shuler Hensley, Megan Mullally

OTHER:

OTHER:

AUDIO Andrew Rannells Live From Lincoln Center 12.20 7.30pm show

Andy Mientus Cabaret London

The Jonathan Larson Project at 54 Below 2018

WANTS:

Any BOM bootleg I don't have, especially anything with Kj Hippensteel as Price, Cody Jamison Strand as Cunningham and Steven Webb as Mckinley.

Wicked with Alice Fearn as Elphaba and Sophie Evans as Glinda

Any recent Charlie And The Chocolate Factory bootlegs with Christian Borle

Any recent DEH

Any VENICE boot

Anything with Christian Borle

WEST END boot of SOHO CINDERS

WEST END boot of RENT 2021

[bisexualraplines]

my oscar picks lol

BEST FILM: “Call Me by Your Name” “Darkest Hour” “Dunkirk” “Get Out” (balances comedy and psychological thriller sequences AMAZINGLY and the performances were INCREDIBLE and jordan peele is a genius and please god let him have this??) “Lady Bird” (WEEPS!!! FOREVER!!!) “Phantom Thread” “The Post” “The Shape of Water” (LIFE CHANGING. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FILME I HAVE EVER SEEN AND MY EYES HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH) “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

Lead Actor: (maybe the daniel’s will combine their powers and take out gary?)

Timothée Chalamet, “Call Me by Your Name” Daniel Day-Lewis, “Phantom Thread” (let my poor man have this. HE QUIT ACTING. HE DIDN’T DIE FOR THIS) Daniel Kaluuya, “Get Out” (an outstanding performance. let him finally win please??) Gary Oldman, “Darkest Hour” Denzel Washington, “Roman J. Israel, Esq.”

Lead Actress:

Sally Hawkins, “The Shape of Water” Frances McDormand, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” Margot Robbie, “I, Tonya” Saoirse Ronan, “Lady Bird” (sher-shaw is excellent but saying she had a better performance than sally or margot is just silly) Meryl Streep, “The Post”

Supporting Actor:

Willem Dafoe, “The Florida Project” (this movie gave me the FEELS) Woody Harrelson, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” Richard Jenkins, “The Shape of Water” Christopher Plummer, “All the Money in the World” Sam Rockwell, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” (see normally i’d be rooting for my man sam but i just can’t if he’s in that…. Filme…)

Supporting Actress:

Mary J. Blige, “Mudbound” Allison Janney, “I, Tonya” (this actress annoys me lol) Lesley Manville, “Phantom Thread” (i haven’t seen it yet oops) Laurie Metcalf, “Lady Bird” Octavia Spencer, “The Shape of Water”

Director: (SPLIT THE OSCAR INTO FOUR PIECES!!!!! do it COWARDS)

“Dunkirk,” Christopher Nolan (see i love nolan but dunkirk was so mediocre i’m sorry) “Get Out,” Jordan Peele “Lady Bird,” Greta Gerwig “Phantom Thread,” Paul Thomas Anderson “The Shape of Water,” Guillermo del Toro

Animated Feature: (it haunts me that i will have to hear the following words: oscar nominated filme….. boss baby)

“The Boss Baby,” Tom McGrath, Ramsey Ann Naito “The Breadwinner,” Nora Twomey, Anthony Leo “Coco,” Lee Unkrich, Darla K. Anderson “Ferdinand,” Carlos Saldanha “Loving Vincent,” Dorota Kobiela, Hugh Welchman, Sean Bobbitt, Ivan Mactaggart, Hugh Welchman

Animated Short:

“Dear Basketball,” Glen Keane, Kobe Bryant “Garden Party,” Victor Caire, Gabriel Grapperon “Lou,” Dave Mullins, Dana Murray “Negative Space,” Max Porter, Ru Kuwahata “Revolting Rhymes,” Jakob Schuh, Jan Lachauer

Adapted Screenplay: (lol i’m biased)

“Call Me by Your Name,” James Ivory “The Disaster Artist,” Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber “Logan,” Scott Frank & James Mangold and Michael Green (x kids that are also mexican immigrants gang up to kill a man named donald?? dad logan and his killer daughter whom i love and cherish??? xavier’s entire performance in this filme is award worthy on its own??? yes please) “Molly’s Game,” Aaron Sorkin “Mudbound,” Virgil Williams and Dee Rees (should’ve replaced dunkirk for best picture to be honest)

Original Screenplay:

“The Big Sick,” Emily V. Gordon & Kumail Nanjiani “Get Out,” Jordan Peele “Lady Bird,” Greta Gerwig “The Shape of Water,” Guillermo del Toro, Vanessa Taylor “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Martin McDonagh (lol)

Cinematography:

“Blade Runner 2049,” Roger Deakins (IT��S WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!!) “Darkest Hour,” Bruno Delbonnel “Dunkirk,” Hoyte van Hoytema “Mudbound,” Rachel Morrison “The Shape of Water,” Dan Laustsen

Best Documentary Feature: (I HAVEN’T SEEN ANY OF THESE AOFKO)

“Abacus: Small Enough to Jail,” Steve James, Mark Mitten, Julie Goldman “Faces Places,” JR, Agnès Varda, Rosalie Varda “Icarus,” Bryan Fogel, Dan Cogan “Last Men in Aleppo,” Feras Fayyad, Kareem Abeed, Soren Steen Jepersen “Strong Island,” Yance Ford, Joslyn Barnes

Best Documentary Short Subject: (OR THESE…)

“Edith+Eddie,” Laura Checkoway, Thomas Lee Wright “Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405,” Frank Stiefel “Heroin(e),” Elaine McMillion Sheldon, Kerrin Sheldon “Knife Skills,” Thomas Lennon “Traffic Stop,” Kate Davis, David Heilbroner

Best Live Action Short Film: (OR THESE……….)

“DeKalb Elementary,” Reed Van Dyk “The Eleven O’Clock,” Derin Seale, Josh Lawson “My Nephew Emmett,” Kevin Wilson, Jr. “The Silent Child,” Chris Overton, Rachel Shenton “Watu Wote/All of Us,” Katja Benrath, Tobias Rosen

Best Foreign Language Film: (…….. or these…)

“A Fantastic Woman” (Chile) “The Insult” (Lebanon) “Loveless” (Russia) “On Body and Soul (Hungary) “The Square” (Sweden)

Film Editing:

“Baby Driver,” Jonathan Amos, Paul Machliss “Dunkirk,” Lee Smith (ok admittedly the editing in this filme was top notch, so) “I, Tonya,” Tatiana S. Riegel (hey look its my name) “The Shape of Water,” Sidney Wolinsky (i’m rooting for this filme regardless of the category lol) “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Jon Gregory

Sound Editing:

“Baby Driver,” Julian Slater (purely bc of the song beat being synchronized with the gunshots/action scenes cos.. what the Fuck) “Blade Runner 2049,” Mark Mangini, Theo Green “Dunkirk,” Alex Gibson, Richard King “The Shape of Water,” Nathan Robitaille, Nelson Ferreira “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” Ren Klyce, Matthew Wood

Sound Mixing:

“Baby Driver,” Mary H. Ellis, Julian Slater, Tim Cavagin (same as above lol) “Blade Runner 2049,” Mac Ruth, Ron Bartlett, Doug Hephill “Dunkirk,” Mark Weingarten, Gregg Landaker, Gary A. Rizzo “The Shape of Water,” Glen Gauthier, Christian Cooke, Brad Zoern “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” Stuart Wilson, Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick

Production Design:

“Beauty and the Beast,” Sarah Greenwood; Katie Spencer “Blade Runner 2049,” Dennis Gassner, Alessandra Querzola “Darkest Hour,” Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer “Dunkirk,” Nathan Crowley, Gary Fettis “The Shape of Water,” Paul D. Austerberry, Jeffrey A. Melvin, Shane Vieau

Original Score:

“Dunkirk,” Hans Zimmer (TICKTICKTICKETICKETIKCIRTKI) “Phantom Thread,” Jonny Greenwood (LOL ISN’T HE FROM RADIOHEAD??? anyways i haven’t seen this yet but i’m rooting for you anyway?) “The Shape of Water,” Alexandre Desplat (alexandre desplat is my MANS) “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” John Williams (lol as if) “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Carter Burwell

Original Song:

“Mighty River” from “Mudbound,” Mary J. Blige “Mystery of Love” from “Call Me by Your Name,” Sufjan Stevens (i love u sadjam and i;m sorry) “Remember Me” from “Coco,” Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez (COCO!!!!!!!!!!!) “Stand Up for Something” from “Marshall,” Diane Warren, Common “This Is Me” from “The Greatest Showman,” Benj Pasek, Justin Paul

Costume Design:

“Beauty and the Beast,” Jacqueline Durran “Darkest Hour,” Jacqueline Durran “Phantom Thread,” Mark Bridges (going with this for my man ddl and pta and cause i don’t really care about the others too much) “The Shape of Water,” Luis Sequeira “Victoria and Abdul,” Consolata Boyle

Visual Effects:

“Blade Runner 2049,” John Nelson, Paul Lambert, Richard R. Hoover, Gerd Nefzer “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2,” Christopher Townsend, Guy Williams, Jonathan Fawkner, Dan Sudick (ok this was nominated but not ragnarok?? racism!) “Kong: Skull Island,” Stephen Rosenbaum, Jeff White, Scott Benza, Mike Meinardus “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,”  Ben Morris, Mike Mulholland, Chris Corbould, Neal Scanlan “War for the Planet of the Apes,” Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, Daniel Barrett, Joel Whist

[seokmatthewz]

SEOK MATTHEW ✧ SAY MY NAME ✧ BOYS PLANET EP.10

↳ #jiwoong1stwin

[riverdamien]

The Worst Treachery of All

The Worst Treachery of All

Matthew26:14-25

A Litany for the Coronavirus

.

Out of the Depths We Cry Out to You in the Face of the Coronavirus

Creator God of the universe, God of a thousand names and faces, divine source of health and wholeness, whose compassion embraces the entire community of Earth: behold your fearful people all over the world as we confront the coronavirus. Out of the depths we cry to you, O God. Holy God, hear our voices. Let your ear be attentive to our cries (Psalm 130:1-2, adapted) as we pray for all who may be affected by the virus:

For all health caregivers – nurses, physicians, aides, EMTs, paramedics, technicians and therapists; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For hospital and nursing home medical staff, assistants, and housekeepers who have close contact with patients and for the patients themselves; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For all who travel for their daily work over land and sea and through the air—flight attendants, pilots, ship captains and sailors, bus drivers, passengers and long distance truck drivers; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For all who handle money—bankers, supermarket, village market and convenience store cashiers; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For all who pump gas and serve customers at Interstate rest areas; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For restaurant workers—bartenders, coffee shop baristas, cooks, servers, chefs, and dishwashers; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For hospitality workers–hotel and motel receptionists, servers and housekeepers; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For daycare center staff who cuddle and comfort children and for all children; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For teachers and professors, coaches and cafeteria workers at schools and universities across the world and students everywhere; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For the homeless huddling for warmth over steam grates and under urban bridges; out of the depths, O God–

We cry to you. Protect them.

For the poor, the lonely, the vulnerable, migrants, and the isolated elderly who have no protectors; out of the depths, O God–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For clergy and people who eat the bread of life, drink from the common cup and pass the sign of peace; out of the depths–

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For all who have tested positive, all who are waiting for test results, and all who are quarantined; out of the depths—

We cry out to you. Protect them.

For all who have already died of the coronavirus, now free from pain and suffering. May the God of hope carry them all the way home, and comfort their families and friends; out of the depths—

We cry out to you. Protect them.

Loving God, hasten the day when the virus will have run its course; quicken scientists to develop medications and vaccines; call out the best instincts of your people—love, neighborliness, compassion, and a sense of caring for every member of your beloved community on Earth. We pray out of the depths to you, O God of hope, whom we call Jesus, Allah, YHWH, Divine Mystery.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Our photo above is one of my going away  gift from the  women in my last church. . They have all joined that Great Cloud of Witnesses. The meaning is it was given to me at a time of betrayal and much pain. The quilt serves as a reminder of  their love, and devotion. The quilt is a reminder of being held in the prayers and the esteem of these women, and as one told me "of my gifts".

    On this Wednesday of Holy Week we read  from Matthew 26: 14-25:

 14 eThen one of the twelve, whose name was fJudas Iscariot, went to the chief priests 15 and said, “What will you give me if I deliver him over to you?” And they gpaid him hthirty pieces of silver. 16 And from that moment he sought an opportunity ito betray him.

The Passover with the Disciples

17 jNow on kthe first day of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Where will you have us prepare for you to eat the Passover?” 18 He said, “Go into the city to a certain man and say to him, l‘The Teacher says, mMy time is at hand. I will keep the Passover at your house with my disciples.’ ” 19 And the disciples did as Jesus had directed them, and they prepared the Passover.

20 nWhen it was evening, he reclined at table with the twelve.2 21 And as they were eating, ohe said, “Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” 22 And they were very sorrowful and began to say to him one after another, “Is it I, Lord?” 23 He answered, p“He who has dipped his hand in the dish with me will betray me. 24 The Son of Man goes qas it is written of him, but rwoe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! sIt would have been better for that man if he had not been born.” 25 Judas, who would betray him, answered, “Is it I, tRabbi?” He said to him, u“You have said so.”

    Dante in his word the  Divine Comedy, the lowest level of hell is reserved for those people who commit treachery against someone who  practices unselfish love, which is the closest we humans can get to the love of God.

    The story of Judas is a terrible warning that anytime we sell  out what we ought to hold dear we commit a hideous sin.

    Whenever. trust is betrayed or  the innocent are treated as bargaining chips, or human relationships become "transaction al" rather than grounded in the respect we owe them. Judas lives again.

    In this time of crisis we need to be aware that Judas lives within each of us, waiting to manifest himself in our indifference toward our friends, and especially the homeless.  Indifference destroys. Let us be open to the     Christ who calls us to love God and our neighbor and during the next few days I invite you to pray the above litany.  Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

-------------------------------------------------------

Fr. River Damien Sims, sfw, D.Min., D.S.T.

415-305-2124

www.temenos.org

[sandiegodjstaci]

Brooke & Mark's Fist-Pumpin' Luce Loft Wedding

Brooke & Mark's Fist-Pumpin' Luce Loft Wedding

Of all the San Diego DJs calling America’s finest city home, Brooke & Mark chose DJ Staci to rock their Luce Loft wedding on Friday, December 28, 2018. The following write-up is based on San Diego DJ Staci’s crazy organized & detailed outline for this Luce Loft wedding.

  LUCE LOFT WEDDING CEREMONY

Prelude ➔ Piano

Wedding Party Processional ➔ Piano

Bride’s Processional ➔ Canon in D

Recessional ➔ Signed Sealed Delivered, I’m Yours – Stevie Wonder

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci

THE COCKTAIL HOUR & DINNER MUSIC

While San Diego DJ Staci offers couples pre-set cocktail & dinner playlists to choose from, Brooke & Mark opted to hand-select their background music for their Luce Loft wedding.

Cocktail Music ➔ Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Tony Bennett, Nat King Cole, Elvis, Everly Brothers, Michael Buble, Temptations, Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac, Sam Cooke, Johnny Hartman, Chris Stapelton, Little Big Town, Ed Sheehan

Dinner Music ➔ Sinatra, Madonna, Louis Prima, Sam Smith, Dave Matthews, Foreigner, Drifters, Pink, Bruno Mars, Backstreet Boys, The Outfield (Your Love), Electric Love (Borns), Closer (Chainsmokers), Prince

  LUCE LOFT WEDDING RECEPTION

MC Welcome ➔ “Good evening! Welcome to Brooke & Mark‘s wedding reception!!! I am the Master of Ceremonies, DJ Staci. Please take your seats so we can officially welcome our guests of honor. Be sure to post your photos today with #SheelyHalby. If you need to charge your devices, I do have a mini charging station up here including some universal chargers.

“Ladies & gentlemen, put your hands together for the introduction of the wedding party…

Grand Entrance ➔

1. The Dynasty Intro Instrumental — Jay Z ➔ Give it up for Groomsman Chris H & Bridesmaid Julia B!!!

2. Dirt Road Anthem, Jason Aldean ➔ Show some love to Groomsman Matthew H & Bridesmaid Natalie K!!!

3. Welcome to the Party (from Deadpool) ➔ Please welcome Man of Honor Gabriel B & Best Man Michael H!!!

4. Freaks – Timmy Trumpet ➔ “They met on February 13, 2016. Together they enjoy Yoga, walking their dog, hiking, working out, dining out, & cuddling. They are planning a trip to Cabo for their honeymoon. Ladies & gentlemen, get on your feet to welcome–for the FIRST TIME EVER–Mr. and Mrs. Mark H!!!

➔ First Dance ➔ Nothing Can Change this Love – Sam Cooke ➔ fade early: yes…about 2:02 ➔ “On February 11, 2018, Mark & Brooke had reached the end of a hike. They were taking some photos over-looking the nearby waterfall. Mark turned to Brooke and said, ‘Can I ask you a serious question?’ Brooke rolled her eyes because Mark often said that exact phrase and what followed was never a serious question. She reluctantly replied, ‘What?’ Mark then got down on one knee & took a ring out of his pocket. ‘Will you marry me?,’ he said. She never did reply yes because she was too busy gasping, gawking, and tearing up as Mark slid the ring on her finger. And now we welcome Mr. and Mrs. Halby to the dance floor for their first dance as husband and wife.”

➔ Newlywed Brief Welcome/Thank You Speech 

5:45pm ➔ Meal Served: Buffet ➔ Dismiss tables: no

➔ Toasts ➔ whatever the guests are already drinking ➔ “Ladies & gentlemen, I hope you are enjoying your meals. May I have your attention please for the toasts? Welcome our first speaker:

➔ Father of the Bride, Jack S

➔ Father of the Groom, Anthony H

➔ Brooke’s Man of Honor & Best Friend, Gabriel B

➔ Mark’s roommate for 19 years…or should I say “womb-mate”…Michael H

*Toasting Notes: For both fathers…if it turns to politics or goes over 8 min, turn mic off

➔ Mother-Son Dance ➔ Close your Eyes – Michael Buble’ ➔ fade early: yes ➔ “About his mom, Mark says: ‘I really do believe most women couldn’t do what my mom did and be as successful at it as she was. At one point, she was raising 5 children under the age of 5. All of us survived and none of us are in jail. It’s incredible. She really was born to be a mother…and is damn good at one of the most important jobs in the world. My mom has the perfect combination of tenacity and vigor mixed with love, affection, and compassion.’ Let’s welcome Mark & his mother, Charlene H, to the dance floor to share a special dance.”

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci

  ➔ Father-Daughter Dance ➔ The Way You Look Tonight- Steve Tyrell ➔ fade early: Yes ➔ “About her dad, Brooke says, ‘I have so many wonderful memories with my dad. Growing up every Sunday, he would take my brother and I somewhere fun. It was generally the Wild Animal Park, the zoo, Sea World, or the movies. Growing up, I always looked forward to Sunday knowing I would be able to spend quality time with my Dad and eat extra junk food. My dad taught me: early to bed, early to rise…makes a man happy, wealth, and wise. Now let’s welcome Brooke & her father, Jack S, to the dance floor.”

➔ Group Photo on Dance Floor

➔ Open Dancing

7:30/8:00pm ➔ Garter Removal ➔ Between the Sheets Isley Brothers

➔ Garter Toss ➔ Eye of the Tiger 

➔ Bouquet Toss (with football) ➔ Foxy Lady Jimmi Hendrix

➔ Longest Married Couple Dance ➔ Al Green, Let’s Stay Together

➔ Open Dancing

10:27 ➔ Last Dance ➔ Save the Last Dance for Me – Drifters

BROOKE & MARK’S DANCE MUSIC RECIPE

Dance Music Rating ➔ R- or X-rated (uncensored songs containing swear words)

Play A Lot ➔ Top 40/Pop, 90s R&B/Boy Bands/Pop, Hip Hop/R&B, Oldies

Play A Few ➔ 80s Pop/Rock/New Wave, Danceable Rap, Big Band/Rat Pack, Electronic Dance Music, 70s/Classic Rock, Slow Dances

♥ M U S T – P L A Y S ♥

Ass Hypnotized – TJR, Jerk It – Thunderheist, Dura – Daddy Yankee, Calabria – Enur, Reggatronic – Swing Savage Island, Pep Rally – Missy Elliot, Anaconda – Nicki Minaj, Drop that Kitty – Ty Dollar Sign, Al Jolsen The Anniversary Song (for Mark’s dad)

♥ P L A Y – I F – Y O U – C A N ♥

Bailar – Deorro

♥ D O – N O T – P L A Y S ♥

Limbo, Chicken Dance, Macarena, YMCA, Celebration – Kool & Gang

  LUCE LOFT WEDDING FLOOR PLAN

  SAN DIEGO WEDDING VENDOR LIST

Here is the amazing team of San Diego wedding vendors I had the pleasure of working with on this Luce Loft wedding:

Venue ➔  Luce Loft

DJ/MC/Lighting ➔  DJ Staci, the Track Star

Catering ➔  San Diego Taco Company (hands down–best Taco catering in San Diego IMO)

Photography  ➔  Hoami from Dear Darling Photography

Flowers  ➔  Alpine Garden & Gifts

  Again, I was honored to be the one and only San Diego wedding DJ Brooke & Mark trusted with their Luce Loft wedding. Thank you!

Follow me

  Like DJ Staci's vibe? Get instant access to her San Diego wedding DJ pricing here!

  GIVE IT TO ME BABY

[carriefisherscokenail]

1-102 >:)

there’s so much raw energy in that face i feel like im being physically forced to do this

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?it was my mom so i hope so 

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?im eighteen so yes sir

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?every waking moment of my life

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?i smile at every single person i make eye contact with

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?im pretty sure 

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?i heard deepthroat and i thought of santa claus

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?jean jacket and pj pants

8. How often do you listen to music?every day

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans for sure

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?this question is literally so funny

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?depends on the day honestly

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?yes 

13. What about ‘R’?also yes

14. Can you drive a stick shift?i can hardly drive a normal car

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?i care way too much

16. Are you going out of town soon?i mean im goin to calgs tmrw if that counts

17. When was the last time you cried?saturday night

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?yes

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?probably not

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?yes i love my friends

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.its christmas i love christmas

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?im a lesbian

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?noooo

24. What are you sitting on right now?my bed 

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?my friends who i also love

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?december has done a number on me 

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?colby 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?ive been sick for the past 30 years

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?probably target

30. Does anyone hate you?you betcha

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?when isn’t there

32. Do you like watching scary movies?love em

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?never ever

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2016 for sure

35. Did you have a dream last night?yes and it was super fucked up 

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?today

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?i have no idea

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?well i THOUGHT SO but people love to play w my emotions 

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?i don’t know

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?yeah it was pretty good

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?i think so?? 

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?yes literally in 8 hours 

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?yes i think

44. What’s the best part about school?playing fun games like let’s see how long i can hide in my car and smoke before administration catches me and testing to see if they will REALLY not let me walk the stage for missing too many classes

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?yes 

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?it’s not 1986 we have phones now

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?all the damm time

48. Were you single over the last summer?nope

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?not even a lil 

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?no i lov him

52. Are you nice to everyone?i try to be

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?i never expect to like anybody 

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?uh people who can’t have problems 

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?it depends on what im hiding

56. Do you think you like someone?sure do!!!

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?i don’t think so 

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?girls usually

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?every single one of them.

60. Do you hate anyone?yes god yes

61. How’s your heart?ready to be harvested and sold

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?yell heah

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?no

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?everyone

65. Are your toenails painted pink?no

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?well every single other person ive kissed in the past month has DONE ME DIRTY so probably

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?i hope not dear god

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?no i own belts

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?colby

70. How do you look right now?like a rat

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?im a libra

72. Can you commit to one person?yeah

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?yeah

74. Have you ever felt replaced?once again yeah

75. Did you wake up cranky?im always in a bad mood

76. Are you a jealous person?eh it depends

77. Are relationships ever worth it?of course jesus christ who the hell wrote these tell them to break up with their damn boyfriend

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?santa 

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?see above

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

going boxing day shopping

81. Last person you cried in front of?colby AGAIN 

82. Is there someone you will never forget?a billion people

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?i don’t think she gives a shit abt me

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?praying and reading scripture

85. Are you over your past?never babey

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?im a lesbian

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?yes maam

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?we ended on good terms buddy boy

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?probably??

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?god u have no idea

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?god willing

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?yeh

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?no

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?i wasn’t 

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?i was

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?i mean she’s pretty but ive known her since i was an infant so

97. Who do you have texts from?rogers telling me ive gone over my data limit

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?i’d brush it off babey thats what i do

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?yes

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?a can of pepsi

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?nope

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?all the time

[atttitudeofgratitude]

SATURDAY, November 11th, 2017

- [x] ✝️✝️

- [x] LOVE ❤️

At least I don’t have to do laundry!

- [x] Daily Word 

MY BODY

- [x] Meditate 😌💨

- [x] 😍

- [x] Journal 📚📖🖊📝

- [x] COLORING!🖍

- [x] Happier 2017!

- [x] MOVE 🏃🏼‍♀️

- [x] PAGE EIGHT!

Dumbledore vs. Voldemort!

“Felt that Jo spirit! 😎💖 “

— R

“I love you, have a blessed day”

— My Lizzette 😇

“yes you are so hardworking n $mart u got nothing to worry about”

— Libby!

“Jo, you have no idea how much I️ needed this!! You are God’s way of taking care of me and I️ am so BLESSED!!”

— Shelbi!!

Marissa!❤️

BRAIN!

- [x] 53:07!

- [x] DANCING!🎶👯😍😊❤️✨

☺️💨

- [x] STRENGTH 💪🏽

- [x] STRETCHING

- [x] YOGA 🤸🏼‍♀️

Watching movies! For CLASS!

** STOP BEING INTIMIDATED!!

The Word For You Today

Journey!

MARISSA!❤️

- [x] “Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Renew a loyal spirit within me.”

— Psalms‬ ‭51:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

- [x] BE GRATEFUL 🙏🏽🙌🏽✝️

- [x] LOVE MYSELF 😍❤

- [x] SLEEP 😴💤

✝️ Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit.

‭‭— 3 John‬ ‭1:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Healing

I GIVE THANKS FOR THE LIFE OF GOD WITHIN THAT HEALS AND RENEWS MY BODY.

My body is created for healing and renewal,

as my cells are constantly regenerated and replaced.

Each one of those cells contains the blueprint of my divine heritage.

As The Quest shares,

“We have the very mind and nature of the Creator of the universe in every cell of our bodies!

Just as the DNA in our cells contains the blueprint of our physical characteristics,

it also contains the blueprint of our divinity.

Not a cell of our bodies is without the imprint of the Creator.”

** Knowing this awakens a sense of gratitude, awe, and wonder

that urges me to take care of my body temple

and to treat it as the amazing creation it is.

I give thanks for the life of God within that heals and renews my body.

✝️ The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light.

— Matthew 6:22

[seokmatthewz]

SEOK MATTHEW ✧ BOYS PLANET EP.1

[seokmatthewz]

mutuals appreciation! write heart-felt messages to some of your mutuals (or even ones you haven't talked to yet!) and tag them, BUT don't tell them which message is their, let them guess! after you're done, send this to 1 mutual you want to get a message from!

oh god okay this is very nice and sweet in theory KLDSLD but tragically i am perhaps the person with the most anxiety in the world ever and not telling people which message is for who for whatever reason feels like it would probably kill me so i think instead i will write some silly little notes for my mutuals but tag them directly or else i may die KLFCDSL sorry i cannot play the game properly i am not built like that kldskddsfkl but thank u nonetheless!!!! <3<3

@berryjaellie millie my lovely dearest fairytual who i adore and keep in my pocket it has been a joy interacting with u more thru twt these days be it to bicker or yell loudly or pester u abt matthew or hanbin as always i perpetually hope we can continue to interact more ily mwah!! thank u so much for sending me random little raccoon vids and associating me with cute things that i do not deserve u r so dear 2 me <3

@winxys paula my fucked up little meow meow there is nobody on this website who i would enjoy being the mortal enemy of more (even though with every passing day it seems like we are becoming 🤢friends🤢) as we continue to lose our minds over bbangiz crumbs and whatever onlyoneof are doing at most points in time. i know things have been rough for you lately and i really do hope they get better! here's to hoping zb1 don't debut with noise !!

@chwejongho i am not sure if u use tumblr at all lately (i believe u dont much) but it wld feel deeply wrong and incorrect to leave u off of one of these kaz dearest my boy my best friend my platonic soulmate u have put up with so much from me in these past few months (not to mention these past few years we've been friends) because i am a nuisance who never shuts up so thank you so much for putting up with my hours worth of instagram voice messages about how i was worried about matthew during boys planet even though you didn't watch the show i very much appreciate that you are always a shoulder to cry on for me no matter what the circumstance, be it me being overdramatic about a man i don't know personally or something much more serious. i appreciate you so much no matter how much or little we are talking at any given moment and i am forever wishing you the best no matter what. i love you so much!!

@hyvnsuk gabi my fellow haotual i do not have a ton to say here but i am incredibly amused every single time we have a same brain moment these days it's so fun and cute dslsdfk you're always a joy to have on the dash and your content is so pretty!! i hope ur always doing well mwah!!

@jjanguri rin dearest!! i hope the air quality has improved where u are !! u r so sweet and wonderful and i hope we can interact more soon!!! mwah!!

@haob1n lovely maria!! thank u for all the sweet comments you leave in the tags of my gifsets i do not deserve ur kindness and i am so incredibly overjoyed every time u call me a matthew stan pillar (or something along those lines) KDSSKLD mwah i hope u are always well!!

@zeroze hope!!!! ik we have not interacted much but it is always so fun to briefly goof around w u in the replies of an ask u are so sweet and funny!!! i rlly hope we can talk more soon <3<3

also to all my zerosetuals in general pls feel free 2 chat with me!! i wld love 2 make some zerose friends hehe