#matter of fact let him say he doesn’t care about her dad or smth

[starlooove]

A lot of y’all see Miles as “one of the good ones” and it shows

[luveline]

omg jade!! this just popped into my head but do u think u could write smth ab roan gettin a tinyyyy bit jealous when reader gives attention to another kid? pls feel free to ignore if u dont like it hehe j smth i thought ab! ily!!

this request is from october I'm so sorry it took this long, thank you for requesting, ily ♥︎ fem!reader

Eddie’s friend Gareth has two kids. 

Twin boys, they hang off of him one to each arm and might be the cutest kids you’ve ever seen that aren’t Roan. One is much, much cuddlier than the other, and when he climbs into your lap you really, honestly can’t say no. He’s practically a baby still, two and half years old and chatty without real words. 

When he strokes your face with your hand, you look over his little head at Eddie where he’s sitting at the same picnic table and pout at him. 

“You want one?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. 

You rub the back of the baby’s head, hand stroking over fine, sandy brown hair. “Stop it.”

It’s a very cheeky joke considering you and Eddie haven’t been together that long. And besides, you think he might have his work cut out for him with his own baby girl, he doesn’t need another right now. 

Said baby girl has taken to holding your hand basically everywhere you go. You adore Roan and if she wants to hold your hand whenever she sees you, it’s an improvement from her wanting to always be carried. She’d been holding your hand five minutes ago before she proclaimed her need to pee. 

She emerges from the house and into the garden with her little hands dripping and Eddie beckons her over. You can hear their hushed conversation as he wipes her hands dry with his t-shirt. 

“Did you flush?” he asks quietly.

“Yeah, daddy.”

“Did you wipe the right way?”

She looks a little embarrassed, and then that embarrassment gets eaten by Munson rage. “Yeah, dad.”

Eddie only laughs. “Okay, alright. Thanks, mini me. Kiss for a job well done?”

Roan gives him a quick kiss and then throws her gaze to you. You watch what looks to be excitement shrivel up and dissolve into dust, her eyes widened and then pinched with hurt. 

“What’s the matter, baby?” you ask, hand splayed over the small back of your newfound charge. 

She doesn’t talk to you. Roan turns on her heel and climbs straight into Eddie’s lap, small thighs either side of his waist and face falling into his t-shirt. He’s as confused as you are, dropping his face down closer to hers and murmuring something too quiet to hear. Her tiny black bunches bounce as she shakes her head. 

He tucks a loose curl behind her ear. “Tell me, sweetheart,” he says gently. 

Roan pushes her face deeper into his chest and sighs. 

You’re at that stage of knowing and loving Roan where all of her upsets still feel huge to you. Eddie, having experienced her change in emotion every single day of her life, is much less affected. Not any less loving, or any less caring, but he doesn’t get so stressed. He pats her little back for what’s left of his friends garden party, and you say goodbye to your clinger when it’s time for their nap. 

“Let’s go home, should we?” Eddie asks gently, forehead tapped against Roan’s. 

She grumbles irritably and Eddie picks her up, her face quickly hidden in his neck. When all the goodbyes have been exchanged you follow him back to his car, nibbling your lip intermittently. Roan isn’t prone to being quiet like this unless she’s sick or tired, and it’s hours from bedtime, so she has to be sick. 

"She's not warm," Eddie tells you. 

"Do you feel sick?" you ask her anyways, not because you don't believe Eddie's capabilities as a dad, but for your own peace of mind — you don't like worrying about Roan. It gnaws at you. 

She doesn't speak to you. In fact, she doesn't speak to you for hours. Not when you get home, not at the dinner table, and not during cartoons before bed. She doesn't hug you goodnight, and that's when Eddie gives a knowing, amused snort. 

"What?" you ask, pulling your gaze from her retreating back to him. "What's funny? Your baby doesn't like me anymore, this is the opposite of funny." 

"She's just jealous." You scoot away from him. He pulls you back in with an eye roll. "Not of me, dork. Of Henry." 

You blink. "Gareth's kid?" 

"Yes." His head lolls lazily to the side, and his smile is more a smirk than anything else. "Come on, sweet thing. Use your brain." 

You would glare at him if the cogs weren't turning in your head. "Well, what do I do?" You stand up. "I gotta say sorry." 

Eddie catches your hand. When you look at him, he shakes his head. You love and hate how smug he is as a dad, how he simultaneously knows all the answers but has to call Wayne at least once a week with some whacky question. 

"What?" 

"You don't have to say sorry to her for hugging another kid, just… explain that she's your favourite." 

"She is my favourite." 

"I know."

You look down the hall and then back to your boyfriend. "Will you come with me?" 

"Always." Eddie gets up, and you hold hands all the way to Roan's bedroom, though the slim hallway makes it difficult. 

He knocks on Roan's door. "Babe?"

"Daddy?" 

He pushes open the door. Roan isn't sleeping, she usually doesn't until Eddie comes in to tuck her into bed and kiss her goodnight. She's sitting by the bottom of the bed with her big paper sketchbook and a crayon in hand, but she hasn't drawn anything yet. She drops the crayon and looks up at you both suspiciously. 

"Y/N wants to talk to you. Do you wanna sit in the bed together?" he asks her. 

She nods. Too soon, Eddie's pulling his hand out of yours and scooping Roan up deftly, and he climbs into her tiny princess bed with little hesitation. She looks small in his lap. 

You sit gingerly opposite. 

Eddie gives you an encouraging smile, worming his thumb into the palm of her hand. 

"Roan," you start, awkward because Eddie's listening, hesitant because you don't wanna mess this up. You decide to go for the straightforward approach. "You know you're my favourite girl, yeah?" 

She glares at you. 

Not what you'd been expecting. 

You try again. "I… I love you very much. Like, so much it squeezes out of me when you hug me, and you gotta push it all back in for me." 

An inkling of a smile appears. She loves that game, and she's stronger than she looks. It really does feel like she's squeezing all the air from your lungs sometimes. 

"And-" You continue, prompted by Eddie's voracious nodding. "And even though sometimes other boys and girls want to give me a hug, none of them ever give me hugs as good as yours. I just want you to know that your hugs are my favourite." 

Roan leans back heavy into Eddie's chest. He kisses the top of her head unthinking, lips hidden by her dark brown curls. 

Then, his lips move down to her ear, and he says, in his professional parenting voice that's all soft and warm, "I know you were unhappy when Y/N gave baby Henry a cuddle, but just 'cause she gave him a hug doesn't mean she can't give you one too. And ignoring people isn't something we like to do, is it?" 

Roan frowns at him. "But she was holding my hand first." 

"I know. You gotta share her, though. Like right now, you're in my lap, and Y/N isn't complaining. Maybe she wants to be in my lap, or maybe she wants you in hers." 

You take the queue. "I miss my goodnight hug," you say, hands moving forward. You pout at her. "Please, Roan."

You wouldn't force Roan into a hug if you didn't think she wanted one. You're right, thankfully, and Roan stands up, wobbling across the mattress in her pink pyjamas and straight into your chest. 

You curl your arms around her too tight and send Eddie your most thankful, loving look as Roan snuggles your neck. 

"Missed you, princess," you murmur, hand creeping up her back to play in the soft ends of her hair. 

You hug. Roan turns to mush, boneless, limp, every word for it, putty in your hands. Eddie had told you once that he thinks she likes your hugs because you're so soft. 

He wiggles his eyebrows. "Think about it," he whispers. "You could have two of her. Three." 

You close your eyes so you don't have to look at him, flustered but so happy you end up laughing. 

"Kiss?" you ask Roan. 

She nods. You cover her in kisses, every inch of her perfect face. 

[hangovercurse]

Missing You

Part ii of the Without You series: Y/N tries to cope with what happened between her and Colson

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, Colson being a dick (again.. sorry), and sad boi hours ft. my boi Pete

A/N: I’m so sorry. This was only supposed to be one part but it was too long for just one so... here you go. I apologize in advance.

Word Count: 1389

| i | iii | iv | v | vi |

masterlist

You leaned against the wall next to the door, not quite trusting yourself to drive yet. You sniffled as the reality of the situation set in, your mind replaying the events upstairs. You brought your hand to your mouth, trying to muffle the sobs that overtook your body.

The door next to you opened and you prepared yourself for who might come through, knowing full well that Colson would not come chasing you. Luckily, it was Pete, probably the only person on Earth that you could talk to at the moment.

He took one look at your face before pulling you into his arms, holding you as you sobbed. Your body gave out from underneath you, and he held you as the pair of you slid to the patio floor. You curled your knees to your chest, leaning into Pete.

“You don’t have to, but if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” Pete whispered. You simply nodded into his shoulder, trying to build up the courage to speak.

When you finally could talk your voice came out in choppy sentences interrupted with occasional sobs. “He- he said that I- that I was the reason Megan left.” You paused, sniffling. “And then he said that I- I mean…” You couldn’t bring yourself to say it, so you just let out a sob.

Pete’s hand was running through your hair, trying to bring you comfort. You slowed your breathing down and got to a point where you weren’t crying as hard. “He said I mean nothing to him.” You finally whispered. Pete almost didn’t hear it, and part of him wished he hadn’t. You sounded so broken and he didn’t know that anyone other than Colson could fix you.

“I don’t think he meant that. He’s just angry and you happened to be in a bad place at a bad time.”

“I think he did. You didn’t see him. It was almost like he was enjoying it. Like the fact that I was in pain made him happy.” You moved your arms to wrap around Pete, seeking comfort from the memories. “And he- he hurt me.” Pete tensed up and you were quick to continue, “he didn’t mean to but, he wouldn’t let go of me. No matter how much I pushed him and told him to get off of me he wouldn’t move and I was so- I was so scared.”  

More tears fell from your eyes as Pete’s grip around you tightened. “Let me take you home Y/N. I don’t think this is a good place for you to be and I don’t think you’re in any state to drive.”

You nodded as he began to stand up, pulling you with him. You wiped your tears on your sleeve, taking a deep breath in. “I’m sorry.” You whispered, looking downwards. “I shouldn’t- Colson’s your friend you should be taking care of him. It wasn’t fair of me to put all that on you. I’m sorry.”

You looked up at Pete, who had a confused expression on his face. “Y/N, you’re my friend too, okay? Colson’s being a dick right now, he doesn’t deserve people taking care of him right now. You do.” You nodded, looking back down, “And just so you know, you’re not a burden. I can see those little wheels turning in your head telling you that you are. You’re not.”

“Thanks Pete.” You mumble into his shoulder as he embraces you in a hug.

 It had been a week since your big fight with Colson and he still hadn’t reached out. No apology, no calls, not even a drunk text.

You’d decided that Colson really had meant what he said.

For the past week, you’d been a mess. You barely left your bed, much less your house. Pete stayed over the first night, afraid you would do something stupid, but you made him leave the next day. Rook and Slim both tried to come by, but you didn’t answer the door.

You hadn’t answered your phone for a week, which made you feel worse because now all your friends were worrying about you. But you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to anyone.

Surprisingly, however, you’d been sober all week. Every substance you could think of felt sacred to him. You couldn’t smoke weed because you used to smoke weed with Colson. You couldn’t drink because you used to drink with Colson. It was like everything in your life was attached to him.

In a way, it was worse than a break-up. It was worse than him rejecting you. Colson had been a part of you for so long, he was attached to every piece of you. You weren’t you without him. But now you had to figure out how to be just that.

After the seventh day, you decided you should answer your phone. At least let Pete know that you’re okay. Scrolling through the messages he’d left you over the past few days made you feel guilty. He had been really worried about you. So, you sent him a text.

I’m alive, don’t worry. Just trying to figure my shit out. Sorry for worrying you.

You sent a similar message to Rook, who had been trying to reach you all week. While you were scrolling through your messages you couldn’t help but open the last message you’d sent to Colson.

He’d had a date with Megan that night and sent you a picture of what he was wearing, asking if he looked weird. You, of course, told him no.

You look fine, loser. Have fun with Megan!

Somehow the message just made you angry. You had tried so hard to be supportive, even when it broke your heart. You were nice to her, friendly even. You would have never tried to sabotage their relationship, you’d never get between them, no matter how you felt for Colson.

You backed out of the message chain. You saw Casie’s picture below his and figured you owed it to her to text.

Hey Case. You doing ok?

The typing symbol appeared, and then her message came through.

Not really. Dad’s been really mad the past couple of days. He’s barely left his room. Where have you been?!?

You sighed, a sad smile on your face at her innocence.

Cols and I got into a fight. I don’t think I’ll be coming around for a little while, sweetheart.

Don’t worry about your dad, he’ll get better soon. Have you talked to him?

Your heart sank at the thought of not seeing Casie. She was like your own daughter, you adored her. And now you might lose her and Colson.

Not really. Idk what to say.

You thought for a moment about how to respond.

Hmm. Maybe ask him if he’s feeling better? Or smth like that.

Casie gave the thumbs up reaction and didn’t respond afterwards, so you assumed the conversation was over.

 Another week passed. You had finally been able to get some work done from home, but you still felt like shit.

Baze and Slim came by to drop off groceries much to your protest, saying they figured you hadn’t left the house and needed food. Though you hated them treating you like you were fragile, you appreciated the sentiment.

Casie never texted you back, so you assumed Colson told her not to text you or she had decided not to on her own accord. Either way the thought made you sick to your stomach.

Work was a welcome distraction from your mind. You could easily throw yourself into small projects and forget about the world for a few hours at a time. And that’s exactly what you were doing. Sitting on the couch, laptop in your lap, typing away.

Today had been a surprisingly good day. You woke up and felt a sliver of motivation, which you were currently running with. You felt like the grey cloud over your head was finally starting to go away.

You heard a sound at your front door, which made you curious and also a bit nervous. Then you heard a key turning in the keyhole, a click following the turn. You were in the middle of wondering “who the hell has a key to my house?” when the door opened, revealing a distraught 6 foot 4 blond man.

“Colson?”

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I'm surprised people see Tadashi as the victim in his relationship with Ainosuke, when it's Tadashi the one who time and time again takes away Ainosuke's agency, without being able to see that he is throwing him unto unhappiness. I can't help but think that if Tadashi was not working at Shindo's house, Ainosuke would have maybe left or broke with the family. But he can't do that if he wants the relationship with Tadashi going on, seing how Tadashi is set on enforcing the family rules...

Hmm.. I def agree with the fact that Tadashi is not what most fandom makes out of him, my man (I mean, Adam’s man) is a 100% Slytherin. But I disagree with blaming him for this, after all the revealed info. The environment they were both raised in made their situation complicated.

I like Tadashi a lot, he’s probably my fav thing about this anime, bc he’s a dark horse, and I’m once again surprised, that so little ppl see him for who he really is, portraying him as an innocent puppy, which he is definitely not.

Now to why I think both Tadashi and Adam are victims of the dad and aunties in this situation. 

We can of course say “if only they told each other how they really feel...”, but like we can say it about any love story really. Every author knows it’s no fun. The truth is that yes, they both hurt each other, and yes, if they were honest about their feelings things would’ve been different, but as I’ve already wrote under that “toxic” commentary on YT, lets look at the whole situation from both of their point of views:

We know that Adam when he was little always treated Tadashi as an equal, he never ever thought of him as someone lower than him and after their fall out, the only reason for this “harsh” treatment (well, besides their confirmed kink) was that Adam tried to get a reaction out of him, so Tadashi would stand up for himself, bc Ainosuke got mad about Tadashi caving to his dad’s wishes and abandoning him, when he needed him the most. 

But now, knowing the fact that Tadashi was his dad’s secretary and was under his control, let’s see it from his perspective: Tadashi wanted to stay by Adam’s side, Adam’s dad implied that if Tadashi did say smth, he’s gonna be.. well, dismissed and they won’t see each other ever again. That’s what caused Tadashi to stay silent in that moment. Ainosuke instead saw this as a “he’s not on my side” thing, well, because. Tadashi won’t tell him his problem, bc dad and aunties control everything, so even if he does tell him, what a teen would do really? He didn’t have any powers back then to make his dad do anything. 

And that’s when it all gone to shit, since they both were hurt for their own reasons. It’s easy to say leave the family, but 1stly nobody explained to Adam still that he’s physically and psychologically abused by his family, he sees it as them “loving him” and sadly also loves them, bc nobody told him, that love wasn’t supposed to be like that really. He definitely feels that smth is not right and feels emotionally exhausted there bc of this treatment, but did he ever consider leaving? I really don’t think so. He feels obligated to be worthy of a family, who “loves” him.

Do you think, for example, that Akashi Seijuro hates his dad for what he did to him? No. Does he understand that he wasn’t at fault for what happened to him and that his dad instead of comforting his child after his mother’s death, who was his only safe haven, made everything worse? I don’t think he does. Like his mom gave him basketball, an escape from all that family’s obligations and strictness. After her death, it was the only thing left that brought him joy, but his dad ruined even that, saying that if he’s gonna be bad at it/lose, he’d take it away from him too. Does Akashi see this as emotional abuse? No, he sees it like “well, I have to be the best bc I was born in such powerful family, so if my dad says that I must be best at everything, then I must.”

I personally hate such parents a lot. To me it doesn’t matter if Adam’s dad didn’t know about aunties hitting his child. Like if he was too busy to notice this and have no time for his kid and made his childhood miserable, it doesn’t make it any better really. 

Same as with Akashi’s dad. Some are like “he was probably also grieving about his wife”. Emm? He was like this from the beginning, bc he treated Akashi not as his son, but as his heir. And yes, that’s different things. Same with Endeavor and Todoroki. Your child is not your post production thing.

2ndly they were too young, even if they knew about each others feelings and he didn’t feel obligated and told everyone to fuck off, they’d be on the streets now, but also Adam’s dad doesn’t seem like a guy who’d leave them alone really. Also eloping seems very romantic, but I don’t think it is, esp when you’re teens. Did you want him to sell some expensive watch and go live on Hawaii or smth? Bc finding a decent job there would be difficult at this age, esp with everyone knowing who your dad is. Chen Ke from “Antidote” survived bc he was 27 and had connections and some great friends. Adam was in high school, where would he go exactly?

Now let’s go back to now. Obviously all this time it didn’t even cross Tadashi’s mind that for Ainosuke he comes first and that he would throw everyone under the bus to make Tadashi stay with him. As we see at the end, he legit believed that Adam was planning to send him to jail and didn’t get that he said it just to shaken he up and that he knew who he’d set up for this from the beginning. 

To Adam obviously it doesn’t matter whether they’re in a quarrel or not, he would never him go. Yes, he’s mad at him, he’s angry and hurt, but Tadashi’s still the person he needs the most, he’s still the person who brightens his days, even tho he deliberately behaves like he annoys him. He always looks at him and looks at him and looks at him, but then hisses smth to hurt him. Bc he knows that he needs him, but he also hates that he needs him, bc he thinks it’s unrequited.

And that’s how their classic romance goes in hellish circles. No one wants to talk as usual. Adam is mad Tadashi is like that bc his dad turned him into a slave with no opinion, while Tadashi is scared that Adam would be taken away from him bc of his ugly family. 

Now I still think that no one and I mean no one can take Tadashi from Adam now, he is his precious. So my plan is... if Tadashi made aunties do smth against him or to get rid of him, aunties will go for sure. The problem is Tadashi still doesn’t get that he comes first, so we’re stuck in this hell still.

So anyways, my point is Adam’s heart basically sings “you got a hold of me, don’t even know your power” to Tadashi, but he doesn’t hear it, bc of his insecurities, the way he was raised and his status. But yes, he holds all the power. He’s both Adam’s sanity and insanity. No matter how cheesy it sounds he was basically his only ray of sunshine in the darkness, if you take it away, that’s what it leads to, that’s why Ainosuke-sama needs more ppl who care for him. I don’t want anyone to die next time, just cause Tadashi and Adam fought about where to put their new couch lmao. I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. And kill the aunties, pls seriously, we need to be free.

Also ppl need to remember that like lots of animes/characters are parcially inspired by some other animes/characters, also the chosen seiyuus are also very important, there are lots of stuff like jokes and references, that creators use, from characters being fully inspired by smth like “Assassination classroom” characters based on KNB, to little stuff like Levi dressed in Akashi’s uniform in chibi AOT bc Hiroshi Kamiya. Utsumi already said before stuff like she sometimes think of a perfect voice for the character and then fully forms him, we also know her clear love for sports animes. So yes, I doubt Tadashi/Kuroko thing is a coincidence and even tho someone was like “zone? is this knb or smth?” I was like no, zone is actually a common thing in sports, even tho most associate it with KNB including me, it’s not like its their invention, but there were things inspired by this for sure, and from other sports animes too and no, I don’t mean the basic sports anime tropes, I mean, like way too specific things, some character designes, too. And yes, Langa appearence and personality wise is a rinharu child for real, I can literally split his scenes in “that’s Haru”, “that’s Rin”.

That’s why I’ve said that this situation in fandom reminds me of Kuroko/Akashi situation a lot, bc same as here in KNB ppl for some reason automatically thought that Kuroko is this innocent sheep and Akashi is the wolf (but also like it was Akashi who chose to dress as red riding hood, while Kuroko was a wolf lmao), not even seeing who is in reality more dangerous and who can easily control who. It just buffles me bc it’s not some deep analisys really. I mean once again there’s a reason for the saying that the sub holds all the power over the dom. 

And like just bc someone yells or threatens ppl constantly doesn’t necessarily mean he is a psycopatic killer, and just bc someone is quiet and doe-eyed, doesn’t mean he isn’t. I didn’t think we needed to explain this to someone, but aparently we do?

And it honestly kills me just how superficially ppl are watching things these days. It really gives me war flashbacks to stuff like the last mdzs s1 episode, where ppl started to comment things like “how LZ can be so heartless” lmao. Or that anonymous ask “do you think haru misses rin?”. Like you don’t see thing at all? Grey substance no needed, while watching things?

P.S. I also would die to see Adam vs Tadashi race just bc I for some reason can bet all my money, that it’s the same situation as with Akashi refusing to ankle break Kuroko, no matter how mad he is. I just can’t imagine Ainosuke hitting Tadashi in the face with a board. Like 100% sure he wouldn’t even try tbh.

[thompsborn]

do you have any spare ironhusbands or sambucky headcanons?

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

oh my god okay i’ve been so fucking wrapped up in both ironhusbands and sambucky and absolutely nothing else for WEEKS because of tfatws (obviously if you have seen my endless spam of reblogs but can you BLAME ME) and the portal closed has ironhusbands so i’ve been just. oh my god i am happily drowning in this and them and i do not need nor want air. ok.

also these are all hc’s based just in canon not au, and lol warning this got so long help me, though my brain is so scrambled from tfatws finale that all sambucky thoughts are scrambled and jumbled so i wasn't able to coordinate them as well as ironhusbands so the ironhusbands section is definitely longer pfighf i'm so sorry i'm like this

ironhusbands:

when they met at mit tony didnt know shit. like. like nothing. he didnt know a single god damn thing about anything. like he was a genius he could solve any equation given to him and baffled professors when he was handed like two supposedly impossible equations to this fuckin fourteen year old and he just looked at them with like a mcdonalds burger or some shit hanging out of his mouth and just answered them no problem, but he was still such a hopeless idiot, and rhodey, also a genius attending as a sixteen year old, had to teach him the basics of life, like. making toast. tony how do NOT know how to make toast. its TOAST. you put it in the TOASTER. have you NEVER SEEN A—OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FUCKING CATCH IT ON FIRE—

he does not perfect the clearly impossible task of making toast until he is 17 and rhodey buys him a cake to celebrate the momentous occasion even though tony went though 528 toasters

you are gold by the national parks. thats it. thats all i have to say. listen to the song and look up the lyrics. you’ll get it.

and also paper planes by jon bellion but specifically for after rhodey tells tony he’s gonna join the air force and tony is worried but doesnt know how to show it and they have like a chill night in and all tony can think about is how stupid he is and how he’s such a coward because he cant get himself to tell rhodey that hi!! i love u!! and im scared to lose u and that you’ll get hurt and maybe die or smth!!

when rhodey finds out about how tony was raised (going with mcu, where tony wasnt physically abused but more emotionally neglected and ignored by howard and always talked down to and compared to others and wasnt treated like he was worthy and never was told he was loved and everything like that) he gets PISSED. like he is MONUMENTALLY angry. and it takes YEARS for him to find out about this too. and it actually puts a bit of a strain on their friendship for awhile when they meet too

like rhodey knows about the starks obviously and he assumes tony is going to be this obnoxious arrogant rich boy asshole and is so not looking forward to being roommates but he was raised to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but tony was raised to be wary of everyone and keep his walls up and his emotions in shackles because whatever he shows can be used against him, so they clash, you know? they dont fight or anything but theres tension bc it isnt right and they dont get each other.

rhodey tries to be nice and tony doesnt understand nice because his only example of nice is jarvis and his mom and even then his mom and jarvis are always off with his dad so he barely sees them so its still rare for him to experience the nice of them so he doesnt know how to be around someone nice all the time, and so he gets defensive and thinks about how howard drilled it into him to be wary and he thinks maybe rhodey isnt ACTUALLY nice but someone PRETENDING to be

and rhodey starts to feel justified in assuming the worst about tony stark because tony is all cold and distant and rude and is about to stop the keeping an open mind thing about a month into their first year but then he comes back to their dorm early from class one day and tony doesnt come in so rhodey is just standing there and watches for a minute as tony sits there staring down at his twenty sixth attempt at a letter he wants to send his mom becauss he knows his mom likes letters even though he could just call but they havent really called him (howards fault but he’s fourteen still and its hard to rationalize that howards busy life and controlling thumb extends past his son) and rhodey is just confused because tony just suddenly sighs and sniffles a bit and murmurs “this is so stupid” and crumbles up the paper and throws it in the garbage and rhodey cant help but peer into it and barely sees the words hey mom scribbled at the top and that. that. hm. okay.

so rhodey keeps trying because he wasnt supposed to see that but he did and now he kind of has a feeling that maybe tony isnt all that cold and distant and rude as he seems, maybe he just doesnt really know how to be any different, so he thinks about all the subtle little ways that his family has shown him they care about him and starts to invite tony to go get food or to study together even though neither of them really need to study or to help each other with assignments or just anything thats mundane enough to not raise suspicion but still starts to open the door and make tony relax around him just that little bit and then before tony realizes it the end of their first year is there and theyre like friends or something and it hits him that he’s gonna miss rhodey.

for the first time ever there’s someone other than his mom and jarvis that he’s actually going to miss.

rhodey grins at him and says that they’ll be roommates again next year because they have to be and that the summer will be over before they know it and the sentiment is nice but tony spends the summer alone wandering around a house too big and empty after being in a dorm that’s small and has a friend.

but rhodey doesn’t know this. like he knows that tony isn’t the kind of guy he originally assumed but he doesn’t know that he’s literally ignored and neglected and like emotionally and sometimes verbally abused so he’s kind of surprised when the next year begins and they DO end up being roommates again (because tony kind of asked his mom, on a rare day when he got to see her and howard wasnt around, to get mit to make sure they could be) and tony just HUGS him like its been years and they’ve known each other forever but he goes with it and hugs him back because maybe tony’s just more affectionate once he gets to know someone and rhodey is okay w that.

they get closer as the years go by and they graduate from mit together and they’re BEST friends and at the end of the year rhodey invites tony to spend new years eve w his family but tony cant bc howard is having some kind of gala starting at 5 because hes weird and dumb and tony hates it and he also isnt given the option of not going even though he doesnt want to but the entire way there howard drills into him about not fucking up and berates him for all the times he has in the past and when they get there tony is already just not feeling it so he’s like nope!! no!! i simply cannot!!

so he goes in and finds an exit thats in the back and he leaves and finds a fucking payphone of all things and he has rhodeys home number memorized for years now and he calls and someone he doesnt knoe answers and theres music in the background and voices and tony’s entire stomach is in his throat and his heart is sunken into his twisted gut because he just wanted one night where maybe he could smile next to his parents and feel like he fit with them but he couldnt have that and he asks to talk to rhodey and then he is and asks if its too late to accept his invite and rhodey is like yeah of course do u need my address bc its still only 5 pm and its a 2 hour drive between south philadelphia and manhattan so he’d make it with plenty of time before it got to midnight so yay

and tony is like. oh. hm. i dont know how to drive actually. that was a thing that no one ever thought to teach me even though i asked about it about ten million times. and rhodey is used to tony not knowing how to do things that most people their age can (see: the toast) and plus its not uncommon for people from new york to not drive anyway so he doesnt think anything of it and instead asks for tony’s address to come pick him up instead and they’d still make it back by like 9-9:30 so that would work too

and thats when tony is like. well.

about that.

he might be calling from a payphone.

on a random street corner.

and its kind of raining. and he’s cold. and he’s a bit dulled out from everything so he doesn’t really think about the fact that admitting this is going to lead to having to explain what happened and also why and that is happens often. but that doesnt matter because he kind of just wants to be with his best friend and not back at that gala with his dad right now.

rhodey is like,,, ok. ok. wheres a coffee shop nearby u can wait in. and tony thankfully is by a 24 hour one and tells him the name and the street corner its closest to and rhodey is like i’ll be there asap and tony goes and he waits.

a two hour drive turns into an hour and a half because rhodey is Worried™

but when he walks in tony goes from being all dulled out to being all HOLY SHIT because rhodey has a SPLIT LIP and he’s like WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK WHAT

and rhodey’s like no no its good my uncle was having fun and trying to wrestle with me and he accidentally elbowed me its all good man dont worry about it

tony isnt used to accidentally being hurt tho so he’s still like hmmm but he takes rhodeys word on it and they head out and tony wont say what happened or why he was calling from a payphone ?? which btw tony literally only was able to do bc there happened to be dropped change on the ground because boy would not have change on him ok, but rhodeys like alright lets go with this for now

so they gets to the rhodes house and it is in full swing with family and extended family and adopted family bc they are 100% the family that just adopts the neighborhood kids and the people who have no one else and like ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends even after the relationship ends bc they still are family despite not dating whoever it was they had been dating in order to be introduced to them so its a LOT of people and tony is like. this is semi familiar in terms a lot of people but this is NOTHING like what he has ever seen before holy fucking SHIT

rhodey is just like oh u have a small family then? so ur used to smaller gatherings?

and tonys like wtf are gatherings

and rhodey is starting to get a feel for what might be wrong but just takes tony inside to get him changed because he’s not spending new years eve at the rhodes house in a fucking expensive suit ok

tony is completely out of his element and like he’s not the only white guy there bc again the rhodes adopt people and those people are of every race and nationally you can imagine but he just isnt used to the vibe there are people laughing and sitting close together and playing games and theres music playing but not like classy music its music people can dance to and are dancing to and the food isnt the food he’s used to at galas and shit and nothing is what he’s used to and he just sticks to rhodey’s side like a fucking lost puppy and tries his best not to look like an idiot when rhodey introduces him to people and a lot of them know who he is but dont judge him or assume shit about him bc obviously if he’s friends w rhodey then he’s a good guy and they want to know him and thats enough

but tony is v overwhelmed bc what the FUCK IS HAPPENING this is nothing like anything he has ever experienced EVER

so eventually rhodey can tell he’s getting overwhelmed and takes him inside and lets him have a breather and then asks him about whats going in and thats when rhodey learns about what tonys life at home is really like and. anger.

SO MUCH anger

because not only has every single assumption he has ever made about tony been proven wrong, but now he knows that the best person he knows has never been treated the way he deserves and has never known a true home and comfort and love and safety and

and he’s gonna fix it

and this is the first step

so he takes tony back out and they’re still just friends but this is the day they both quietly realize they might kind of definitely like each other as more because tony is still so confused by the fact that what he knows isnt the normal and overwhelmed by how much there is and how different it is but rhodey holds his hand as a grounding point and whenever it might be too much they move off to the side where they arent completely gone but its less hectic and a bit more quiet and its just nice

tony goes to rhodeys house for every holiday despite whatever howard says

rhodey decks howard the only time they ever meet before tonys parents die and he has the most shit eating grin on his face afterwards that tony cant help but lose his shit laughing his ass off

anyway i didnt mean to ramble for so long about that specific idea so i’ll end the ironhusbands ramble with this one last thought, which is as follows:

rhodey gets hurt in the air force at some point, and it isnt that bad tbh but he does have to go the hospital and shit and gets stitches or whatever idk i dont know what specifically happens i just think it’d be just bad enough that it takes him a few weeks to be able to go back to work but he’s not like OH GOD HURT yk?

but like stated above tony was scared and worried when rhodey told him he was gonna go into the air force so he hears about this and they’re probably like almost 30 at this point because they’re dumb and it takes them forever to get their heads out of their asses (i say this even though in the portal closed it takes them even longer but i digress) rhodey has like his mon his sister his niece visiting him and they were worried but they know hes fine so theyre just talking and in a good mood and then—

door slams open. tony stark enter stage left. disheveled suit, fresh from a meeting he definitely was not supposed to leave, having flown in from maibu the second he heard and then had happy drive him and then got impatient because of traffic and ended up sprinting like ten blocks while happy was like what the FUCK

of course rhodeys family are well aware that these idiots are desperately in love with each other so they’re just like lol ok and just leave the room while tony starts fretting over him like he’s about to die himself if he doesnt know if rhodey is okay and rhodey is like tony tony dude tones stop tony im okay tony stop it

until finally tony just fucking breaks down like full on tears in his eyes voice cracking hands clasped as he leans against rhodeys bed and tells him that he was so scared and he is so scared all the time whenever rhodey is out there because all he can think about is losing him and him getting hurt or dying and it’s maddening and this is when they get their heads out of their asses and kiss for the first time

(irony at its finest bc later when they are married and tony becomes iron man rhodey refuses to not have a suit of his own because if tony is going out there in a metal flying tin can then he isn’t going alone and wow what a power couple)

sambucky:

firstly i’m going to go post tfatws, but i’ll make a bullet point before going into it so if you wanna read up until that point you can but most of this will be random little headcanons based post tfatws

also it isnt like a whole plotline thing like the ironhusbands ones ended up being these ones are more random and kinda all over the place but loosely connected

update from after writing this: i lied

let me start by saying my interpretation of why they are the way they are in civil war is because of steve

thats not saying steve is the bad guy i mean to say that they’re jealous of each other because they thought that THEY were steve’s best friend who the fuck is THIS guy i dont want him here go away

children. they are children.

which i find very funny to imagine from sams pov because he literally is a licensed therapist and would 100% recognize why he’s acting how he is but he’s petty enough to do it anyway

and also he literally was helping steve track bucky down but i like to imagine that sam didnt think they’d ever really find him again and it’d just make him and steve like super mega best friends or something because hes a CHILD

and then from bucky’s pov steve goes through all this trouble to find him and protect him and then this random guy is acting like steve’s best friend and gets to sit in the front seat ??? bullshit. absolutely bullshit. worst thing ever. so stupid.

its so funny to me okay its SO funny

its like that schoolyard thing where your friend makes another friend and you hate it so much that you do something stupid like color on their drawing or put gum in their hair or whatever but they’re adults with 1. super soldier serum or 2. a superhero reputation/avengers status and suit with wings. so thats a thing.

post civil war i dont think they get much yk. because bucky is out in cryo and team cap is on the run and i doubt theyre able to return to wakanda much, if at all, and then it’s infinity war and then it’s endgame and after endgame there’s the aftermath and the aftermath is a mess

i like to think they have some moments before tfatws though. not many but enough for that slight foundation thats we can kind of see in episode 2 yk.

okay NOW it gets into post tfatws so!!

SO post tfatws everything is different because now they not only have spent all this time together, but they understand each other in a way that they didn’t before. in a way no one ever has. not even steve, who may have known them before, but he isn’t here anymore and he wouldn’t understand who they are now vs who they were before and it’s different.

bucky finds comfort in sam’s home town. sam finds comfort in watching bucky find a home there and he doesnt know why.

also sam treats redwing like a puppy and lets him fly around on his own and gets pet and stuff and bucky acts annoyed but the longer it happens you can tell he’s like “oh my god why is this thing endearing”

bucky has nightmares and sam knows this but bucky doesnt know that sam also has nightmares until one night when they’re still in sams home town and they’re staying on the boat because sams nephews are having a sleepover with some friends and they didnt want to get in the way or smth idk i just want an excuse for them to be on the boat and somewhat secluded from people but bucky already woke up from his nightmare and is out on the deck to get some fresh out and then oop

sam havin a nightmare too

because fucking of COURSE sam has nightmares he has been through some shit too!! not being able to catch riley and everything that happened since meeting steve and thanos and he turned to dust alone in the bushes ok like yes everyone that died were traumatized undoubtedly (peter my baby boy baby im so sorry that you got the worst of it) but bucky was around people but sam was laying on the ground and probably just watched his hands as he disappeared and he was alone and like. jesus christ ok.

and then steve trusted him with every weight and everything that comes with the shield not knowing how much more the shield has when he gave it to a black man and just like he has nightmares everyone in marvel does its a fact

but bucky finds out like this and he is shocked even though he realizes he probably should have been able to guess that this is a thing and he knows so much more about sam now than he ever did but this is how he learns more. he learns about riley. he learns so much.

sometimes bucky has those like “oh shit” moments where he’s like “maybe i was kind of a dick to someone who didnt deserve it” and he already had one of those with sam about the shield but he has another one because he assumed shit about sam when they were being all childish and jealous about someone else being friends with steve but like fuck

steve and sam probably got it

the not catching someone. the way it felt to try and to reach out and to miss and to have to choice but to watch as they fell.

what’s different is that steve got bucky back. he got to have that relief, eventually, even if there was the pain of knowing bucky had been taken by hydra, but at least he knew bucky had made it.

sam didn’t have that. riley didnt make it.

therefore, bucky has his “oh shit”

and bucky was already going soft around the edges with sam (as clearly seen in the last two episodes of tfatws, ESPECIALLY the finale because like did tou SEEZ ALL THE HEART EYES oh my GOD) but it’s this that really makes something in him melt and he just. he loses the last remnants of whatever tension or resentment or whatever negative feeling he may have been clutching onto.

there wasnt much left. but now theres none. now its all washed away.

its gone, and he gets it.

sam is a licensed therapist and he knew the reason he was being all dumb and childish and jealous with bucky was because steve had another best friend but also because steve’s other best friend was the guy that had been a big factor in how him and steve understood each other and how they bonded and it

it had kind of felt like they lost part of that when they found bucky again in civil war and he kind of wanted to blame bucky for it even though he didnt actually blame him at all so all it translated to was that dumb kind of jealous thing instead

but now it’s just them. its sam and bucky and it isnt steve and it isnt about steve and it shouldnt be because its about them. its about the boat and the water and the way they sit and watch the waves while the silence settles over them and the way that bucky says, “im sorry.”

its the way sam says, “me too.”

and bucky says, “you dont have to be.”

its the way they stay there until sarah comes to get them for breakfast and sams nephews convince them to play with them and their friends and the world is still shit and there is so much to do but

but its this and its them and that can wait

it can wait

they can take their time if they want to

maybe they’ve earned that much, at least

(it isn't a fast development because they're a complicated pair and there's so much to the two of them that need to figured out individually before they can even realize how well they work together, but the steps are so much easier knowing that they have the other in their corner and bucky knows that sam's home town is a place he's welcome to go and sam helps him make his own dreary little apartment into something that feels real and tangible with a bed and a couch and when they've become something that resembles stable and they've found a balance and they're okay, that's when they realize that maybe they can try for the more that sometimes bubbles under their skin and that they started to think about the more they spend time together. the warmth that sam feels every time he sees bucky playing games with his nephew and the smile that bucky has to fight to hide and still can't fully suppress when sam stands tall and proud with the shield in its rightful place, and it takes time, it takes work, it takes carefully placed bricks to build the foundation they need, but they get there, and when they do...

when they do, they're already happy, and it just makes them happier, and that's what makes it so much better.

that's what makes it worth the wait.)

[maxdark158]

HEAR ME OUT - I’VE GOT AN AU IDEA

Okay, so I have too much on my plate with Demon in Gotham, the sequel, and my and @slytherinsheashire ‘s baby so I can’t write this au out as a story but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head so if any of you write this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tag me

Daminette endgame (through really can work with any ship in the maribat fandom)

So I know in most Daminette AUs we hate on Adrien because of his flaws in canon (which I am not against)

BUUUUT au where there was no love interest for Adrien/Chat Noir and Ladybug/Marinette to begin with, so they were Best Friends, and still are when Damian comes in

Like he is protective because That's My BFF but he's reasonable and not in love with her

He also actually has her back with Lila. He can't stand up stand up to her (because abusive father) but he hangs out with Marinette whenever he can and they make fun of Lila together when she can't hear them and he is passive-aggressive with her a lot

He likes Damian but by Rule of Best Friends he does threaten him if he hurts his BFF

Alya is still a jerk but Adrien is passive (agreste)sive with her too about fact-checking

Also, Alya totally thinks Mari liked Adrien and doesn’t listen to Mari saying no

CN completely hates Lila btw because not only is she lying about Red Best Friend but she's bullying Pink Best Friend and while Adrien has to be nice CN doesn't!

A mental image: Adrien telling Lila she looks pretty, "today," before running off before she picks up on the insult

He also as CN takes his job more seriously and only banters on patrol and such. He didn't at first but LB took him aside and explained why she was annoyed and he stopped – because that’s what you do when your BFF asks you to!!

When the reveal happens Adrien is like, "you are my mega ultra best friend now"

Because I don't really ship Adrien with anyone but Mari I HC that in this au he's aro ace. If you ship him with someone he can just not be interested in Mari (gaydrien is also an option) but the rest of this will continue as if he is aro ace, change as needed if you write differently

He and Mari are the closest two BFFs can be but she and Damian are the ones with romantic feelings and such

Adrien is actually the one who suggests giving the Fox to Damian when Alya shows no signs on improving

He’s just the bestest of best friends and he never feels like Mari owes him anything and he gives terrible dating advice and they’re just! Best Friends!!

He also recognizes his dad as abusive and is trying to better himself while being under his father’s thumb. He’s essentially counting down the days to freedom at this point

Gabriel is Adrien-phobic, sexuality included. Adrien hasn’t come out to him and he never plans to

A quick list of episode fixes in random order--

Stoneheart – is the same up until they ‘fall in love’ CN is just super excited to have someone as awesome as LB as a friend. Mari doesn’t fall in love but she is a bit awkward with her new BFF at first

Stormy Weather – Alya, Manon, and Marinette all went to the park to bring Adrien a snack in stormy weather because he complained about his diet

CN banters, doesn’t flirt, stops bantering around Copycat when LB asks if he can focus on work when there is an akuma

Horrificator – Adrien was anti kiss no matter who the actress was. Nino, realizing he was making his bro uncomfortable, forgoes the kiss completely, despite Alya suddenly pushing for it once Marinette was volunteered as the lead girl

Animan – Adrien asked Mari if she had a crush on anyone first, because he didn’t want to put her in a situation where she was accidentally leading Nino on. All four of them end up going to the zoo together as planned but Mari locked Alya and Nino in the cage because Alya was annoying her about a ‘crush’ on Adrien

Dark Cupid – LB was venting about Alya trying to get her to confess her nonexistent crush and CN was ranting about ppl sending him letters without even knowing him or his sexuality. He teared up in his rant (when mentioning his father probs) and she hugged him and he saw Dark Cupid and shielded her. She kissed his cheek to break the spell

Prime Queen – Chamack was pushy with them being a couple but they both outright denied it and declared themselves best friends and only that. Mari, resident Bi, came out as lesbian as LB to throw ppl off her trail and make pushy shippers stop. CN hesitated about coming out as ace and, in private, told him he didn’t have to

Volpina – Adrien realized Lila was flirting and shut her down right away, saying he wasn’t interested. Marinette happened to be in the library at the time and she and Tikki saw her steal the book. As LB she confronted Lila about stealing and asked for it back. LB calmly and politely told her not to lie – Lila still gets akumatized. Because Adrien shut Lila down pre-superhero lie CN isn’t suspicious, LB is

Collector – When LB says Gabriel is HM, CN takes a moment to breathe before getting ready to fight. After the akuma he asks if HM can akumatize himself, and they both decide to start tracking akuma when they can

Gamer – lucky charm scene still happens, no romantic connotations to anything. Same with Befana

Bubbler – LB changes the music because Adrien looked so uncomfortable – not out of jealousy. Adrien sees her stitched name in the fabric and asks her privately. This is what starts him on the road of growing independent from his father’s abuse and lack of care

Rogercop – Adrien doesn’t even call his father. He doesn’t want him there and he wouldn’t come anyway, so he doesn’t try. However, he does use the ‘gotta call my father’ excuse to try and help Plagg out of the bracelet

Simon Says – Adrien accepts the hug from his father bug tells Plagg that it would have been warmer to hug a statue after, and he almost wishes his father hadn’t tainted the memory of hugs as a child. The ‘she looks like you’ scene still happens but it’s platonic. Adrien is bouncing and excited in all the Ladrien scenes because BEST FRIEND! RIGHT THERE!!!

Gigantian – the girls don’t do the date thing and are just doing each others’ hair for fun. Alya keeps insisting that Mari do something about her ‘crush’ but the other girls take Marinette’s side and she quits arguing while she’s ahead. Adrien wanders off which is how the akuma glances off Gorilla, then Mari pretends to be sick in the bathroom while going out to become LB

Glaciator – Marinette is upset because her BFF can’t go but she doesn’t get mad so no akuma

Gorilla – Marinette doesn’t really like the commercial because it doesn’t really fit the pun-loving dork that is her BFF but she still manages to be late to the pool then runs around with her BFF in her PJs which she isn’t embarrassed about. She gets mad on Adrien’s behalf when ppl call her his gf

Captain Hardrock – Mari gets a bit of a crush on Luka, Adrien 100% teases her and gives her bad dating advice

Syren – Adrien is upset that he’s out of the loop, but LB told him that she CAN’T tell him and it isn’t her choice to so he doesn’t throw a fit. He does detransform to talk out his feelings with Plagg but he doesn’t threaten to remove the ring or anything

Troublemaker, she has photos of all her classmates on her wall (she actually has the most of Juleka as proof of her picture curse being broken) and she has all her classmates’ schedules because class pres

Reverser – Nathaniel actually apologizes. Like that’s my only change tbh. I ship them but the writers should have included an apology scene, that’s on them (I fully believe Nathaniel apologized but the writers didn’t care enough to include it so f them)

Frozer – they all go to the rink as friends. Adrien invited Kagami for fun and they’re both trying to help Mari with Luka. Kagaminette friendship from that episode onward

Catalyst and Mayura – Alya’s headstrong-ness and Nino’s willingness to do what she says is what brings them down, to show their flaws beforehand. Chloe’s redemption isn’t thrown away like in canon so she has gotten better. CN recognizes his father’s voice but doesn’t react to it because he doesn’t want to expose himself. After Hero’s Day, he tells LB he knows who HM is and accidentally spills his identity – but she doesn't care at the moment because her BFF needs a hug. He doesn’t know LB’s identity but she knows his

Timebreaker, Evillustrator, Mr. Pidgeon, Darkblade, Princess Fragrance, The Mime, Pixelator, Guitar Villain, Reflecta, Kung Food, The Puppeteer, Antibug, Riposte, Robostus, Dark Owl, Sapotis, Gorilla, Frightningale, Zombizou, Queen Wasp, Maledictator, Anansi, Style Queen, and Despair Bear are the same just no lovesquare romance

Chameleon – Adrien doesn’t say the bull about the High Road, because he reconizes Lila is hurting Marinette. “But look at it this way – Ladybug calmly asked her to stop lying. I calmly asked her to stop lying. She gets akumatized no matter what. I think exposing her would just get us more trouble. We should stand up for ourselves, of course, but let the others realize for themselves that she’s a liar. Or at least wait until Hawkmoth is defeated before you expose her. Then she won’t get any superpowers out of it.”

At some point after that Mari says smth that LB said and he realizes who she is but that’s up to the writer to decide because then Damian Wayne enters the scene!

So Mari knows who HM is but she doesn’t know where to begin with that information so she asks Tikki for help. Tikki says one of her previous LBs are still alive and Mari contacts Hippolyta with magic

Hippolyta contacts Wonder Woman and WW realizes this may be better suited to someone who knows humans better so she passes the message along to Bruce

Bruce sighs and rubs his temple. He decides to send Damian

BTW time is actually passing through these episodes so everyone is about a month-ish apart so Mari is 15 almost 16 and Adrien is 16 now

Bruce sends Damian to help them with the final takedown of HM and Mayura

Now, some funny convos with BFF Adrienette

oooOOOooo

Alya: Marinette is being such a jerk to Lila!

Adrien: Huh. Marinette is almost never a jerk unless it's someone like Chloe.

Alya: W-Well she clearly changed!

Adrien: If you say so. I'm assuming you saw this yourself?

Later

Adrien: UGH! Alya has like become Lila's most loyal follower I swear, this is so annoying

Marinette, patting his back: you're being a brave soldier, facing that every day

Adrien: I just wish she'd stop putting her hands on me. I'm literally wearing the aromantic and asexual flags! I'm not interested!

Marinette; I think Kim noticed. He was looking at the situation and went to talk to Miss Bustier.

Adrien: Oh thank the kwami. Enough about me though. Tell me about this cutie from Gotham you like?

oooOOOooo

Adrien: UGHH I have to take Lila to this gala AGAIN!!

Marinette; I'm going too, Damian invited me.

Adrien: THANK THE KWAMI I'll ditch Lila as soon as possible. Your boyfriend is fully willing to roast without his dad disowning him, right?

Marinette: one, we aren't dating yet, and two, yes

Adrien: YES!! Also, Mari don't kid you two will date soon I know these things

oooOOOooo

Adrien's love advice is almost always, "just tell him you love him," because he doesn't understand how nerve-wracking it is. Or he steals a confession scene idea from an anime or fanfic, depends on the situation

Marinette: How should I confess to Damian??

Adrien: Just do it?? Walk right up to him and say you love him. Easy peasy!

Marinette: you do not understand how much I Can Not do that

Adrien: ... alright, plan B is you start working at a coffee shop-

[dastardlydandelion]

i’ve seen quite a bit of meta floating around abt sam’s situation vs tory’s and how that enhances their rivalry but i’ve seen v little abt how how fighting itself means different things to them and how i personally think that rly shows itself in the school brawl so i’m going to babble on abt that for a min.

so to recap what most ppl already pinned down: tory and sam’s beef isn’t just about miguel. far from. tbvh i’d ever argue it’s mostly *not* about miguel but he factors into the situation so strongly bc miguel is the *one* thing tory had that (at the time) sam didn’t. it isn’t just abt him, it’s abt what he represents. it’s abt sam seemingly (re)staking her claim to one of the only good things in tory’s life. from tory’s perspective she has very little in contrast to sam. sam lives in wealthy encino, has her own car, a membership at a country club, and participates in karate bc she’s a legacy child and to do so is at her leisure. her dad has his own personal dojo she can practice in whenever she wants and oh yeah, her lessons are free bc her dad is her sensei. sam who could easily afford karate lessons doesn’t even have to, her dad actually jumps at the chance to give them to her.

tory has to work for everything that’s hers and then some, supporting a mother with frail health and taking care of her bby brother. tory’s life is more precarious and vulnerable than sam’s bc of her financial and living situation, and frankly, she needs self-defense skills more than sam does. remember when she’s at the store with aisha and describes to her how some perv tried to grab her, a move she then blocked? how she stabbed him in the face with her duster/bracelet??

i feel like the gravity of that is lost on most ppl bc in context, tory’s almost bragging abt it and showing off a lil bit. and why wouldn’t she?? she thinks aisha is a badass, she saw her breaking boards blindfolded!!! she thinks aisha is cool and she wants aisha to think she’s cool too, so she’s telling her smth abt herself that she correctly feels aisha would admire. but context aside, it’s v scary and sad that tory was in a situation where she had to do that.

tory had kickboxing training even before she joined cobra kai. going off some of her dialogue to miguel, abt how some ppl in this world have to fight for everything they have, i’m going to assume her safety applies here. given that her financial situation is so precarious, i don’t think tory would’ve taken kickboxing classes unless she felt like she had to. like— don’t get me wrong, tory clearly enjoys fighting. it’s prolly a good way to relieve all the stress she’s under, having head of household responsibilities at 16/17. but we see in s3 when her mom can’t rly work anymore and therefore she has to work even more herself, tory leaves the dojo specifically bc she can’t afford lessons. so that leads me to believe that even if tory enjoys fighting, she wouldn’t spend money on it unless doing so was of necessity to her.

tory does not live in a world of stability. her mother’s health is precarious and unstable. her financial situation is precarious and unstable. even working two jobs she didn’t have enough to cover rent. it was so, so heartbreaking but u could see it in her eyes that she was considering the landlord’s offer. she was considering sleeping with some gross ass adult man who berated and belittled her just to have the stability of a home. imho she would’ve done it if kreese didn’t handle the situation (and he definitely didn’t do so for selfless reasons, but that’s another matter entirely so i’m not gonna go into that).

sam, on the other hand, doesn’t just have stability, she has luxury. again, the big house, her own car, wealthy, supportive, healthy parents who have the time and the means to be there for her and provide her with whatever she wants, let alone needs. fighting is v different for sam. from sam’s perspective, karate is meditation. karate is a way to find balance, to center yourself and spiritually connect with your body. karate is recreation and sport, tournaments where rules ensure everyone’s safety at the end of the day and fighting with honor scores u points while fighting with dishonor gets u disqualified. where fighting with honor is “fair” and fighting without honor is “dirty.” 

now, i know sam *theoretically* understands karate from the self-defense perspective too. bc she’s heard daniel’s stories. bc she used it against kyler when he made her uncomfortable. bc she and robby got into it at the mall to come to demetri’s defense, thereby actively protecting another person. but sam does not have daniel’s lived experiences of struggling with poverty or being put into harm’s way as gravely as daniel was in his youth (at least not until the school brawl, i’m getting there). sam never had to stab a pervert in the face bc he predated upon her and grabbed her. sam did face bullying, yes, but as hurtful as being slut-shamed on the internet is, her safety was not threatened in that situation the way tory’s safety has been threatened, nor the way her father’s safety was threatened in his youth.

i definitely think the context of their situations influences how each thinks of fighting. tory intimately understands fighting for survival in a way sam does not, in a way sam simply cannot relate to. tory doesn’t adhere to the rules the way sam does bc rules have never done shit for her. actually, the rules themselves keep her down, her mother got fired from her job at the restaurant precisely bc she was bringing home leftovers to feed her hungry children. tory has no reason to distinguish between dishonorable fighting and honorable fighting bc at the end of the day, fighting is a necessity for tory in a way that it is not a necessity for sam. tory doesn’t fight to win points or to meditate, or to spiritually connect with her body. tory fights for self-preservation.

from sam’s perspective, tory fights “dirty.” from tory’s perspective, sam lives in a fantasy world where there’s some kind of manufactured distinction between fighting “fair” and “dirty” only for those who have the security and luxury to made that very distinction. to tory, fighting is fighting and that’s that. to sam, fighting is a discipline, an art, a tradition, and is meant to be practiced with a level of etiquette shown to your opponent. bc that’s what tory is to sam, an opponent. but sam isn’t an opponent to tory— she’s an enemy. these are not the same things.

i think the way tory and sam understand fighting really rears its head in the school brawl. tory’s had it with sam, she’s had beef with her since the moment sam accused her of stealing and it reaches its tipping point during the party bc first, sam beats her in the drinking competition, embarrassing her in front of everyone, and then she goes and kisses miguel. who isn’t just tory’s bf, but one of the only good things in her life at that moment.

on top of that, like, okay, tory is v aware miguel used to date sam. so when she’s dating miguel herself, i think she does take a kind of satisfaction in that, in knowing she’s “taken” miguel from the pretty, privileged princess who has everything else, pretty privileged princess who once accused her of stealing and would then go on to mock and ridicule her. i think it increases the sting for tory when sam follows up beating her in the contest with kissing miguel not just bc she’s hurt, but bc it’s an added slap in the face that sam “reclaimed” this one good thing tory thought she’d managed to “take” from her.

come the school brawl and sam is aware tory’s angry. tory announces on the damn loud speaker she’s coming for her, prolly to embarrass her in front of everyone the way sam embarrassed her the night before. fight ensues and they’re matching each other p well, i’d say tory mostly retains the upper hand bc she had the element of offense on her side while sam’s blows were primarily defensive…it’s slightly in tory’s favor but rly could go either way until the point where tory breaks out the spiked knuckle duster/bracelet.

if u look at sam’s face after tory puts it on, like…she’s shocked. she’s frightened. she was not anticipating that at all. tory on the other hand, has a mocking expression and from her tone, i kind of think she’s reveling in sam’s reaction. bc tory knows full well sam has never had to fight the way she has. sam’s never actually had her safety compromised so it’s like. utterly incomprehensible to her the moment it happens. 

tory is the first person who has ever actually threatened sam’s safety and tory knows that, and she relishes it. from tory’s perspective, sam is just as foolish as she is pampered, and she gets to be the one to snatch sam’s sense of security away from her the moment she introduces a weapon to the situation and shows sam; ‘no, this isn’t just a karate match. i actually want to hurt you, and i am going to use whatever i have to do that.��

and…i think she was just trying to hurt sam, personally. ik a lot of the ck fandom thinks tory wanted to kill sam. and i actually think sam herself thinks tory wanted to kill her bc of the visceral reaction she has to tory afterwards. sam has ptsd after the school brawl and it’s not just bc of tory, it’s clearly also bc of what happened to miguel. what robby did to miguel out of anger, anger not created by— but definitely inflamed by —the fact miguel and sam shared a smooch. but sam also has nightmares of tory trying to kill her and it’s tory’s voice that makes her freeze up during the fight at the laser tag place.

i think sam also inevitably associates tory with what happened to miguel, bc while robby, not tory kicked him over the railing, it was tory who started the brawl. and miguel went upstairs specifically bc he was trying to get tory off of sam. he followed them up there bc he was tryna calm tory down. so i think that’s also why sam is so shook by tory after, that inevitable association with miguel’s fall/coma. but i defo think bc tory was the first person who ever actually threatened sam’s safety for real, sam felt like tory was going to kill her. and to be fair, when tory gets sam on the floor and yanks her hair back, it appears that she’s doing so specifically to expose her face/throat area as she pulls her opposite arm back to stab.

sooo with that i 100% understand why so much of the ck fandom and sam herself would think tory was tryna kill her, but i personally don’t think that. i think she was trying to scar her face. i think tory might have specifically been aiming for the mouth bc she wanted to punish sam for the kiss. stabbing/slicing her mouth would be targeting a place on sam specifically associated with the incident that pushed tory’s anger over the edge.

i also think it’s entirely probable tory was just unleashing all of her built up stress on sam during that fight. tory was more aggressive not just bc she’s the one more pissed off but bc her nerves are fucking fried. she throws all of her negative emotions in the brawl and she has infinitely more of those than sam, created by her precarious and fraught living situation wherein she’s had to endure much more hardship than sam and she’s constantly on her guard, fully aware of how fragile any semblance of stability she manages to carve out for herself/her family is. while sam, on the other hand, gets to live in what must appear to tory as this soft, fuzzy fantasy world where mom and dad take care of all the important stuff and sam doesn’t have to worry abt a thing.

i maintain that i don’t believe tory was tryna kill sam, but i do believe she rly wanted to hurt her. and she did…sam is hospitalized after the fight. tory goes back to cobra kai to train for the next one. bc that’s what tory’s life is, one fight after the next. she doesn’t have the luxury of treating karate as a means for meditation or recreation like sam does. and i truly think that impacts that dynamic more than often given credit for.

[dickytwister]

HEY do you maybe have like an oc page or could you tell me something about all your ocs because i'm Interested and you have my full attention :eyes:

AHSJDKGLHL that's so sweet i'm nfjghl???? i don't have an oc page bc i'm the embodiment of an old man being given an iphone after 50 years of using a rotary phone but !!! i can yell abt them a bit aaa thank you for asking abt them 🥺🥺💚

i put everything under the cut bc dear god i have a lot to say abt my kids and i'm not gonna make everyone scroll through that HHHHHH haw 🤠🤠

elliot fletcher

- he's my deputy in fc5!! he's from waverly in iowa and he's just...very tired nfjfkhl give my poor man a break

- everytime his radio crackles he ages 10 years and if it's john talking add another 10 years

- he keeps the three heralds alive but he doesn't care abt joseph <3

- gets in trouble bc he's impulsive af nfjghl when jacob is close to the cage?? ram his face in the bars. when john leans like rlly close in the confession scene?? headbutt 😌🙏🏼

- the only people who know abt his past are earl, grace, faith and john, the rest just kinda speculate and elliot lets them believe what they want bc not only does he rlly not want ppl to know the actual truth, it's also very funny to listen to the stuff they can come up with

- speaking of faith he often seeks her for advice and sometimes they get high together and he gets teary eyed bc she's just... very nice to him and when all you see everyday is violence it's overwhelming to be shown a little bit of kindness 🥲🙏🏼

- he's in love with john but also he'd kick him across the county if he could but also he'd give his life for him

- after the bombs and all he unlocks his final form and becomes A Husband™, complete with a beard, a scarf and bad jokes that make john want to officially marry him so he can divorce his ass

- fun fact i came up with the name elliot fletcher bc i thought it sounded neat but recently i found out there's a trans actor called elliot fletcher too??? like what were the odds ngl that's so cool

carter quill

- this is my character in the marvel dnd game my brother is dming!!

- his parents are peter quill and kitty pryde and he inherited his mom's powers (so he can become immaterial and stuff uwu) and his dad's tiny pebble brain~

- he grew up on a ship with the guardians so his family is just... a bunch of uncles, one of which is a tree

- he's part of an initiative called the peacekeepers with isaaq cage (luke cage's and jessica jones' son), finneas "zorn" reeves (brock rumlow's and sinthea shmidt's son), lu "highway star" khan (the mandarin's son), alexis "hex" pythagoras (doctor strange's protégé) and ev-lin (ronan the destroyer's daughter who also happens to be carter's bully when they were 11 HHHHHH)

- everyone agrees that carter is just... a puppy. a little labrador. so overexcited. head empty. he doesn't know what's going on but he's having fun with his friends and that's what matters <3

- he died once and went to hell for like 66 years bc he held a bomb while it was exploding but he got better and he doesn't remember most of his time in hell but also he's a lil traumatised

- he wears cute skirts sometimes and also froggie themed clothes 🥰🥰 he's terrible at applying nail polish and it ends up smudged most of the time bc he can't sit still for more than two minutes without going insane but he still likes it

- he has a pet bird called ink!! he thought it was a nice name bc his last name is quill so u know,,, ink,,, quill,,,, he inherited his dad's terrible humor also

- he's fruity and has a big fat crush on one of his teammates 😳😳👉🏼👈🏼

- he strictly refuses to kill, so he uses stunt energy guns and a three section staff to fight!! he accidentally killed someone once and threw up

- he knows asl and is fluent in it!! he's also very bad at reading measurements when cooking (and reading in general) so he relies on their proto-ai, dadji, to help him cook and he listens to audiobooks a lot!!

- idk what else to say abt him except like two games ago he was in the hospital bc lu got hurt and he wanted to get him muffins from a coffee shop across the streets but he panicked when faced with the selection so he bought one of each and came back to the hospital room with like,,,, twenty muffins

- i found this pic of his face claim and it honestly just radiates his vibe so here have it

thorgran galvish

- he's my dwarf enchanter from another homebrew dnd game!! in this universe (and maybe others idk shit abt actual dnd HHHH forgive me) enchanter dwarves are lowkey enslaved bc of their rare link with magic

- thorgran blew up a wall and ran away to the surface so now he's a fugitive and he's constantly on the run uwu trust issues ensue

- he loves the sky so much?? especially at night?? he knows abt constellations, but he thinks they're just whatever you see in the stars and doesn't know there are like,,, actual constellations so he sits on the roof of a tall building sometimes and finds his own constellations

- he also tries to draw them but he rlly sucks at it aslkdsgl that doesn't stop him from filling his journal with little stars and drawings!!

- during my very first game with him he found his rival, who turned out to be a 16 years old teenager?? millennial/gen z rivalry

- agh i don't have much abt him yet bc i've only just started to play him but he's my beefiest boy and also a dilf 🥰🥰

theadric "elder" montajay

- yet another character from the same universe as thorgran, but this time it's a funky little halfling bard

- his instrument is the violin!! he tried every other instrument and his mom was very supportive despite how bad he was at all of them. his community was raided and his father died, so he inherited his violin and that turned out to be the only instrument he could play

- took his love of the economy to the next level when he decided to fuck every gang leader he could find to control their operations and ruin their organizations so the money they hoarded could be put back in circulation

- accidentally fell in love with a half-orc gang leader and was abt to tell him the truth abt what he was doing but was exposed by the first person he'd cheated so he had to run without explaining himself to his lover smh ://

- "i don't wanna fall in the slutty bard cliché," i say before immediately giving elder the tightest leather pants and opening his shirt to show his majestic chest hair.

- surprisingly good with kids?? anyone younger than him who looks sad becomes His Child and he turns into a lil mama, tasting the food of an inn first to assure it's not poisoned, giving hugs, soft shit like that ngl he's just a mom 😔😔

- we abandoned the game he was in but we left off when he'd just escaped a dwarven prison with his new child and others owo anyway slutty bard with chest hair?? that's just the witcher's jaskier

scylla

- my gay pirate lady!! i don't have much abt her either bc AAA BRAINROT but !!! i still love her very much

- she's a hybrid between a human and a psaarinch (fish folks in our homebrew universe uwu) and she looks very human except she has like shark abilities?? she can smell blood, taste with her skin, breathe underwater for like two hours or smth, sharper teeth,,

- she started off as a privateer but like what was the kingdom gonna do?? track her down to make sure everything she did was legal?? nah man she got that sweet fleet and became a pirate

- she beats men up in inns and gives their wives a good time <3

- she's very close to her crew and they're kinda just a big family

- she fights with those s-shaped staffs?? but they're actually blades ngfhl she's very agile and looks like she's dancing when she's actually fighting

- fun fact she's my second shark oc the first one was called maito and she was a yellow lantern in a dc game we did (the main difference between them is that maito loved men while scylla is very much a lesbian 😌🙏🏼)

i have like so many more of them but that's already such a long post and i don't wanna do too much NGL if u wanna know more hmu i'll yell some more 😎😎🙏🏼🙏🏼

[lost-in-the-spectrum]

How did I get my diagnosis for the Asperger-Synrome?

Hello Folks,

I hope you are doing well and hopefully this post will help some people out there with… whatever they need help in.

Today I’d like to tell you the story of how I actually got to my Asperger diagnosis: How did I know that there could be smth like that? How was the assessment? This post could help some people with getting prepared for an assessment like that, it could also help with even figuring out how to get to an assessment like that tho. All things which I am describing and writing in that post is only about me. These are experiences which I made and that doesn’t mean that you’re about to make the same experiences at all. Never mind if bad or good experiences ... don’t let this story unsettle you!

So... Everything started with meeting dad’s girlfriend for the first time. It was after a long search for a place to stay at. I was forced to be homeless for, I guess 6 months – luckily not longer – because me and my sister didn’t come along very well and my mother died 2013 which took my only home away from me. I also had a weird relationship to my other relatives which is the reason why I absolutely couldn’t imagine to live with them. And in addition, I couldn’t expect from the few friends I had that time that they take me to their homes and try to, you know... support me with food and all that stuff. They all had their own problems and at the same time they all haven’t had money either, especially not for a second person to feed.

So I had no other choice. My dad picked me up at my sister’s house and we both drove all the long way to Berlin, where he lived with his girlfriend. The story between us three is very difficult and private. Let’s say it at this way: Living with my mum became kinda impossible for my dad which is why he has chosen an other woman he could imagine to live with. Yes, I know, first I was furious about that decision too but after talking with my dad I could understand his point. Just to make that point clear that there is no reason to dislike him for the choices he had to make, also for himself. Anyway his girlfriend was a hard thing for me. I didn’t want to have an other woman except my mum by dad’s side and in general I was always scared of meeting her because I have never met her in my life before... and she has been in dad’s life since I was about five years old. So when we arrived at their apartment and ringed she opened the door for us. First of all: She didn’t look like I have imagined. I saw few photos of her somewhere as a kid – and thought she’d be only a good friend of dad... I was naive – and on these photos, I think, she looked a bit different. I was a little surprised, she too. But not because she didn’t know that I am coming – she did know – later she told me that she was stunned by my beauty and she was honest and serious about that thought she had. She also told me that she was scared too to meet me for the first time. She actually expected me to hate her by first sight because she knows what kind of role she’s playing in my life. I was nervous of meeting her for the first time but I’d never have been mean to her, never mind what kind of role or position she is having in my life.

We spent some time together, not only to get to know her better but also because I kinda liked her, at least for the first moments we had together. We talked a lot and went up to the bakery to bring some bread for the morning. We have done that together for many times so that I could see where to go and one morning she told me to bring the bread. So I did, I mean, we have walked that way for three times! I should know where the place is. Well, I didn't.

I walked the way I remembered but suddenly the streets and surrounding looked a little different to me. Or no, they didn't. It was the same as before but I couldn't find the way we both walked together. My “inner navigation” was so bad all of sudden, I didn't even know that it apparently was. So I went to the wrong bakery where the bread we always used to buy was a little more expensive. I was so overdone with that that I didn't care. I bought 5 breads for us, two for dad, two for her and only one for me. We all used to have two breads for the morning but I couldn't afford the second one for me. When I came back I told her my issue and explained that I didn't know where to go so I bought the bread in that bakery where I was. I was disappointed and upset and I didn't hide it. I never really do. She was understanding or at least not angry at all, she just said that we can go the way again or she tries to explain me the way. In the next times I found the right bakery but I seriously needed a self drawn map to find it … even though we have been walking there for three times.

Then one evening, she made some dinner- stuffed paprika with beef and rice and a really nice tomato sauce – and we started talking again about the issue I had. She started telling me that she thinks I could have a kind of disorder which I should already have had since the age of at least five.* She asked me then: 'Have you ever heard of the Asperger-Syndrome?” I of course said that I've never heard about that and asked what it is supposed to be. 'It is Autism or at least one of the many sorts of in the spectrum.' First I thought she's kidding me and in fact annoyed that I have got so many issues with things so that she called me like that or seriously thinks I should be autistic because I seem to be unable to do things. I thought she was offending me because all I knew about these people to that time is that they have a special or even strange behaviour. Also I mixed all these people up and have put them in one box because that is all I heard about them. I didn't know better. Then before I could ask if she's serious she already started telling me why she thinks like that: The way I talk, the fact that I never or barely looked in her eyes while we talked, the fact that I had that issue with finding the way which is actually a simple one – yes, it was... - and my talent and passion for drawing comics and illustrations in a really little time and almost totally perfectly. In addition the things my dad told her, how I was as a little kid and that I had problems to find the one or other friend at school as I never wanted to play with other kids in the kindergarten... she told me that all these things are very familiar to her. She is French-, English-, and German teacher and at the same time she worked half time in the school psychology to test children if they are gifted or having special problems with certain exercises and subjects. She has met many children there and some of them where autistic and behaved almost exactly like me. She also told me what's typical for that syndrome and the more she told me the more I recognized myself in her description. I was surprised and confused, nobody has ever told me about that before, no one ever mentioned that I could have it. I was only the antisocial, bad behaving kid – fun fact: bad behaving because I didn't always say thank you to someone – and many people didn't like me for that. She told me that we could make an online testing first before we start to maybe contact someone who's an expert in it. I agreed, what could go wrong? And I really wanted to know.

So, we made the online test which includes some general questions about my behaviour and “attitude” and the result told us: there is a high possibility for me to have the Asperger-Syndrome. It wasn't to 100% sure that I have it but it was a reason to contact that one person who's an expert in it and who could tell if I have. So dad's girlfriend contacted him and made an appointment. Unfortunately I was meant to wait over a year to get an appointment there and to finally figure out what's wrong with me. We didn't want to wait so we paid... and then we had an appointment just one week later.

We drove to Potsdam near Berlin where the person lived. We met him at his house – yes, where he lived and had his private life – and introduced ourselves, told him that we made this appointment with him because we think I could have the Asperger-Syndrome. And then he started to test me in different tasks. First of all I had to answer some several questions on a piece of paper. How do I feel in certain situations, what are my interests and hobbies, in which things I am absolutely not interested in even though these things are normally interesting to people at my age. I also had to watch pictures of human eyes to tell if these are happy, sad, angry or else. Then he asked my father about my childhood and if there was any special behaviour those days. Dad told what the matter was: I haven't had many friends, spent a lot of time alone in my room drawing comics for almost 2 hours because without that I got nervous and also aggressive. I needed this to feel comfortable. I had a strong imagination and fantasy, could create adventurous stories in a short time and when I was little – about 5 years old – I walked around with a little piece of paper or a small straw of wheat and talked to it or had conversations with it. Sometimes I even created conversations between two personalities, some kind of role play and all in my mind. People kept saying that this isn't a point because little kids mostly have a huge imagination in playing but the way I imagined was special and maybe a little odd. He also mentioned that on some days at my age 'now' – so eighteen those days – I've been sitting at the computer for about three hours – on some days less or even more – playing The Sims 3 creating crazy characters and building crazy houses. The way my dad told him seemed worried and I had such a feeling that my dad tried to convince that man to tell me that this isn't normal and I should stop that. But the man didn't say anything about it. He just wrote it down for the results if I've got the syndrome or not. The  assessment was made of talking and answering to questions on a paper including some “riddles” I had to solute. And at the end of it – after six hours including a little break in between – the man told us that he'll check my answers out. He wasn't sure if I really got it but he could tell that he thinks I may got an attention disorder which prevents me to be focused all the time and which makes me easy to get distracted. And so we left the place and got prepared to wait for the results... until today.

Yes, you read correctly: I haven't got the results by that man until today and the appointment at his place was already about six years ago. Getting a diagnosis never lasts that long so we've tried to contact this man for many times. Not only my dad and his girlfriend but also doctors and psychologists later. Never got an answer and never got the diagnosis if there even was one.

Before this the relationship between me and dad's girlfriend got worse and dad and her began to argue really often. I didn't know if this happened more often than I realized and if they already argued before I came around but I felt kinda uneasy and even a little guilty for that. I also have an insecure personality disorder which makes me often and easily think to be guilty in many things even though it's not the truth. The arguing lasted pretty long and I realized it was probably because of me just like I thought. One time I passed their bed room and just by accident I listened and heard what she said about me. She said since I've been there they argue really often and that I might be the reason for it. I felt very bad for it and that situation got worse.

Later my dad apparently decided to leave with me. He planned to live at his brother's place with me as long as we try to figure out what to do next. The late afternoon before we left, dad's girlfriend sat at the table in the kitchen and she was sad, crying of course. I joined her and before I could ask what the matter is – I mean I knew it but yet I wanted to ask – she just looked into my eyes, furious, sad, disappointed, that's what I could tell because there wasn't anything to misunderstand in that look... she told me again, that dad is gonna leave her for me and I just replied that I am sorry for that, feeling guilty and that I never meant to make that happen.

She just said: 'Well I can't take that feeling of guilt away from you. And I don't want to. If I have to suffer, you should suffer too.'

Those words were very hard. They hurt me and made me feel like a huge mistake. I started thinking many thinks because... I wasn't just depressive. I was suicidal. And that feeling got stronger after hearing this. My dad gave me my suitcase and took his own one. We went downstairs and put them into the car. Then we left.

Some time ago I got a kind of 'legal guardian ', a very nice woman who took care of formal things and who also took a look on my money on my bank account. Her job was it to support me with all these things in life. My dad told her about the disaster we were in and that it's an emergency. So the woman did her best and found a place for me to stay at: A 'social psychological' commune for young people with depressions and other conditions – like me. This commune was in Kiel. My dad and I drove to that place for an introducing meeting to get to know the commune. It was a very nice place, the house was kind of 'JugendStil', so pretty vintage but also modern in either way. The educators there and also the Chef of the commune, a woman at the age of about 35 I guess, were totally nice to me. They noticed the emergency and understood why it was so important to me to finally get help. They met me as a very skinny, depressive person who was tired of life and being. I moved there and had finally the chance to be able to build up an own life.

Living in this commune I also found a psychologist there where I mentioned my Asperger-Syndrome which people think I could have. She started to contact the man in Potsdam too, even twice, as did my 'legal guardian '. No success, no answer, neither to the phone nor to the mail address. But it was certain that we need this diagnosis to maybe find the right therapy for me. So my psychologist contacted an other woman who is also making  assessments   like that. She came around one day and met me, started the assessment. But this  assessment was different. This time my dad wasn't there to tell how I was a child. I repeated the things he told the man in Potsdam and answered to some questions the woman asked me. About my attitude, behaviour and so on. Actually the same but without testing sheets. At the same time she had a white board next to her and explained me what the Asperger-Syndrome actually is, how differently 'our' brain works in contrast to people without the syndrome. That was pretty interesting and something the man in Potsdam didn't do. I got tested in it and at the same time  I learned what it actually is. I also gave permission to be filmed while she's testing me. I still have the video here and it's so weird to see how I looked those days. Much more different than now.

At the end of it all she told me: 'Well, you indeed got it. There is no doubt.' I was happy but confused at the same time. How is it possible that a person who is known for  assessments  like that wasn't sure about my syndrome but this woman who got the same knowledge has no doubts that I'm having it?

I then finally got my diagnosis that day and to be honest: I had a feeling that my life would turn into a better and more confident one because I finally knew who I am.

So Folks, that's my story how I got the diagnosis. It's a pretty long text but I needed to tell you everything what happened to finally get the explanation of who and what I am. You see, the way to this diagnosis can be very long and complicated. The man hasn't given me my diagnosis yet until today, there for I got it from an other person at the same day where I got tested and it was obviously clear that I have it.

Maybe you're prepared now if you should ever want to get tested and as I've already said: This is only my story. It could be that you'll get an appointment much quicker than me and that you get your diagnosis just some days or weeks later – not like with that man who has never given me this until today – maybe you also get the result on the same day as I got from that woman. Just be sure and think about these things before you try to get an appointment: Do you really need it because you want to know what's wrong with you? Because you need special help which you can only get if you have that diagnosis? Would it help you or others to understand you? Or do you actually have no issues with it so that it doesn't matter? Think about these questions before you go on a probably exhausting journey as me, prepare yourself and listen to what your heart needs. My heart needed an explanation for my personality to realize that it's not because of me people got problems with my personality. It's because of them because they have never taken the time to figure out what kind of person I am.

Just saying: There are many people who love the way I am. I seem to be a cool person, not as crap as some idiots tried to make me think.

Have a good day, friends! See you later!

[transbonmoved]

some things that piss me off sm abt saisai’s post: Asian culture by no means has ever supported hitting kids. Sure, a little jokey slap on the back or a pinch but never that giant swing of an arm I should know I’m from South India which is more aggressive to kids than in Japan. My mother has said some horrible things to me and that is never excused but she always apologizes, same with my father. In fact, Japanese culture promotes extra special treatment of kids to a certain age. (1/?)

sure maybe mitsuki didn’t slap around her son as much as endeavor. but what she said to him about the kidnapping? there’s backstory there and you can tell, it’s bad. that’s probably why he’s always wanting to be better bc his mom has never had enough from him. (that’s actually really asian right there, but not to the extent of actual child abuse). Bakugou is a spoiled brat but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t abused. He was amazing to everyone but his mom, that’s what it seems. Dads not great either

and let’s be real, if mitsuki was a guy the entire ~fandom~ would be all over bakugou’s tragic past and sad sob story which goes to show the sexism there too. women aren’t inherently good and pure!! and he didn’t even fucking do anything abt todorokis past he was a big dick abt it in fact.

honestly theres so many layers to saisais take on the matter, but smth thats been REALLY grating on me is also the comment on it somehow being normal in japanese households. i couldnt find in her bio or anything if saisai is white, but either way, shes trying to say that abuse is acceptable in a non-white culture & due to it she doesnt care about the situation. saying “its normal there” is basically saying that if it were a white kid you would care. i originally described it as softcore racism i think? but the more you look under the surface its just unapologetic, especially how shes blocking everyone who disagrees with her.

the way ppl are talking about mitsuki too is very transparent. people are all for shitting on endeavor- rightfully so, but when a mother lays a hand on her child the same way all of the sudden theres excuses. of course this stems from the misogyny of forcing women into the nurturing role & basically only seeing them as that, and it being seen as funny when a woman hurts a man bc the men are always supposed to be in charge, but i digress. even if she didnt smack him she still called him a little bitch & blamed katsuki for his kidnappings! thats still emotional abuse! victim blaming your own goddamn kid, and i doubt thats intentional but it makes the connection to katsuki feeling like its his fault for all mights retirement. he blames things out of his control on himself, which, when meeting mitsuki, makes perfect sense. as always, ppl are under the assumption that if you arent always miserable, or always thinking/talking about it, you werent abused. 

its easy to buy todorokis abuse bc his experiences of abuse have been the center of his character, even baring a scar due to not only his dads but his moms abuse (which, interestingly enough, lots of ppl dont think she was abusive either, lots of bnha moms get free passes it seems). todoroki is a reserved character that often seems to dissociate so of course people will buy into endeavor being an awful person, hes not someone as quirky as katsuki. the narrative also frames endeavor in an obviously evil light, while mitsukis abuse is framed in a comedic light, which i already mentioned why ppl think thats funny.

you could really just go on and on forever about all the bullshit saisai & others are bringing up

[opulvnts-blog]

the war is over ??  the day is Finally here ?? ( vine kid vc ) sup fuCKERS ! . im sahar, 20, est n’ i suck major ass tbh and i have nothin’ interesting to say abt myself except that i’ve eaten chocolate chip cookies three times in one week and i hope i choke one day , and i love everything about sad movies .  !!! god now since this rp is open ill die for ur mfing characters, fuck me up with them plots . plz like this and come and plot w me ,   u won’t regrat plotting wit me cuz i’ll show u a good time boo boos . ps . i wrote this at 4 am so y’all better tell me smth nice about kennedy or im fucking done . ily all .. 

shes a vegan. wont tell anyone bc she vv reserved . like if u asked how are u she will say smth like ‘ fuck ouuta here fucking fuckboi ‘ and like whenever u get her very pissed off she will say fuck in every single sentence . like ‘ yo dude what the fuck ?? what in the actual fuck are u fucking kidding fucking piece of shit oh my fucking gof fuck bitch” she’s not a bitch or anything she just … toO MUCH ! she also thinks of herself as superior . at times, she can even come across as sickly sweet or just kind in general . SHES incredibly wise and have good judgement when it comes to the people in their lives or the situation at hand. they may not necessarily be too book smart but it’s definitely balanced out by the extent of their street smart/wise. if she’s got an opinion, you can guarantee she’s going to voice it to the highest of volumes. it doesn’t matter whether you’ve known her for 10 years or are complete strangers on the street, she won’t hesitate to share her opinion on the matter. especially if she disagrees with yours. she’s assertive, awfully blunt and arrogant. 

HERE ARE SOME VINES THAT I ASSOCIATE WITH KENNEDY :  HERE  . HERE. HERE ANDHERE  

OK NOW OFF TO HER BIO !

her dad was a very quiet man who was soft and kind and just a goof and she was… the opposite. they got along great when she was a kid but as soon as her teenage years came she just turned into a rebellious ball of shit tbh. her dad could not handle her, even tho he tried his best. he wasn’t the yelling type at all and he’d try to make her realize she was a handful thru calm words but KENNEDY was just yolo. she wasn’t good in school. absolutely sucked at math and any science. didn’t kno the difference between geometry and algebra until 8th grade, thought she was doing the same shit. basically every science is the same. but !! she was v good in english class. like, that was her only good subject besides PE bc she was sporty as fuck and got way too intense about it also she was lowkey a bully but only bullied boys because she felt a strong need to make them suffer and she has a lot of good memories about it  jhdjsdns

 JHGDFGHSYCTG like deadass would beat guys up and be like cOME ON MY GRANDMA COULD FUCKNG TAKE U !!! she would make them m i s e r a b l e things were always kind of tense between kennedy and her mom they never really got along ??? her mom rlly resent kennedy for who she is  even though kennedy really mfing tries to be a good person for her mom to accept who she is as a person.

things got a little better  when kennedy was 6 and her little brother mikkel was born. except………things only got worse a few years later?? there was an accident where mikkel got hit by a car when kennedy was walking him home from school.obviously the entire family was grief-stricken. they just lost their 6 year old son. it was awful. kennedy’s mom blamed herself, kennedy blamed herself and her dad blamed kennedy too. they moved around a lot after their son, kennedy’s brother died,, to different states but never out of the us and it was like none of them could rly talk about it with each other either. her parents started to fight a lot and they each had different ways of dealing with their grief. her mom went out on some crisis and had a string of affairs , while her dad turned to alcohol and abuse to deal with his grief.

her dad left her mom, after the incident. her mom got rlly fucked up like she will go to parties and act like she was 18. kennedy  lived with her mother who appeared to be involved in a few crimes . kennedy appeared to be more responsible than her mother at this point lmao . they got into a car accident under the influence of them celebrating her mother’s birthday. kennedy wasn’t the one driving, but she switched seats with her mother so she wouldn’t get in any more trouble which led to kennedy going to jail for a but bc she was underage .

the cops were like well shes has no one speical so lets leave her with her dad . her dad rlly couldn’t take care of kennedy because well .. he was a mess. he was always pass out on the couch with beer stains on his shirt and a pizza box on the floor.  mia was basically an accident/surprise to her father. he had no desire whatsoever to have kids after her brother’s incident.

 sometimes kennedy would come to school with bruises on her face. she remembers the snatches of convos between girls warning each other to steer clear of the leach, and wonder what they would say if she told them that everytime her father gets drunk she’s not sure being her father’s daughter will grant her immunity. She knew people could tell with one glance, one look, one simple instant. It was her eyes. Despite the thick makeup, they were still dark-rimmed., haunted, and sad. Most of all though, they were familiar. The fact that we were in front of hundreds of strangers changed nothing at all. She spent a summer with those same eyes-scared, lost, confused-staring back at herself. Anyone she was close with would have known them anywhere. she couldn’t sleep at night knowing that her parents will abuse her for anything that she will do. she spent countless of nights staying up, making sure that she wouldn’t have any slip ups in the morning when she woke up

 she spent the rest of her senior year shut off from the world as she grieved not only her brother, but the girl she used to be. she’d always been expected to go on to university & do something that would make a hell of a lot of money, but as her classmates got busy filling out their college applications, she holed up in the school’s auto-shop, learning how to work on cars.a few months after graduation, her grandfather passed ( of natural causes, thank god ) & she received a hefty inheritance. her classmates and teachers, lmao,  watched in horror as their precious gem of a daughter shelled out thousands of dollars to purchase her own garage, with plans to become a mechanic. she's not rich,  but she does have her own money . gives her a opportunity to say ‘at least i got here all by myself and not with mommy’s or daddy’s money’ heh…. 

kennedy  is somewhat emotionally stunted. her remaining friends from high school have all gone their separate ways & she hardly speaks to any of them. she’s dabbled in a romantic relationship here or there, but most of them have ended badly. basically? she’s a disaster. 

[voltronprompted]

Falling

In which the war is over and the paladins come back to Earth (Voltron is no longer needed)

or

The paladins (and others) come home to find they may have lost their most important thing back on Earth.

Huge disclaimer: Just angst. 

Also, this is just me writing down my ideas as they come so I may or may not actually write this out as a story.

Keith

Honestly, it'd be hard to find something for Keith, maybe a place he frequented or something, idk or he knows that he'll come back to nothing so he doesn't really expect to feel any sort of despair when he just goes back to his shack but he finds it really difficult to even leave the castle once they arrive back on Earth because...well, because when he was on Earth, he was a drop out. He dropped out (or was kicked out, I can't remember for sure) of the Garrison, and after he left the Garrison he had the motive, the curiosity of what that thing (which ended up being the blue lion) was that gave him any real motive and he felt so useful, he felt alive for an actual reason when he became the red paladin, when he was chosen to be the new leader in place of shiro (no matter how much he didn't want it, he still felt like he had a purpose, which was to save the universe from the Galra), even when he joined the Blade of Marmora because for once he felt like he'd finally found where he belonged but now the war is over, the Blade of Marmora no longer are rebelling agains the Galra because they're not a threat anymore, and neither is Voltron so when he stands in the doorway separating him from the grounds of Earth and the clean floors of the castle he hesitates and it takes him so long to finally step out of the castle because oh god I have nothing waiting for me, I know this but I really have nothing waiting for me, no purpose, no reason to live and he just stands there, in front of the castle, not even a foot away, but facing away from it with the most lost look on his face because do I even have a reason to live anymore? The answer is, no, he really doesn't. So, only 3 centimeters away from the castle, he falls to his knees, his face in his hands and he can't stop shaking because the tears won't stop dripping out of his eyes despite him promising himself no, I said I wouldn't cry! before they even arrived on earth because now he really doesn't have anything waiting for him back at earth; no home, no family, and no purpose.

Lance

Lance is easy. He goes home expecting to find the open arms of his family but all he finds are strangers in the place he used to call "home" to tell him that the previous homeowners slowly deteriorated from the loss of their son, the light of their lives, and were officially announced missing approximately a year after his own disappearance and up to this day there are still no leads, not a single one, as to what might have happened to them and that just hurts because he was so excited to just come home and in his mind, on his way to his "home" he'd been thinking about everything he'd tell his family and oh boy I have so much to tell you guys, just you wait! but there's no one to tell these amazing stories to, no one to introduce his amazing friends, new and old, to, there's just no one, there is no one there waiting for me and it hurts it just hurts because ever since the day he'd found Blue all he'd wanted was contact, contact with his family so he could tell them I'm safe, I'm sound, and gosh I have so much, just so many things to say and Lance realizes he's repeating the same thing over and over again even in his head and he can't stop the tears from falling as he just keeps repeating I have so many things to say, I have so much to tell you and at some point he's not even sure if he's thinking it or saying it out loud but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter who's looking at him weirdly, it doesn't matter who's worriedly-or maybe they weren't worried at all, just annoyed because who ever cared about me anyway?-backing away from him, it just it doesn't matter because even if it did, who would he have to tell? Not his missing family, that's for sure.

Here’s another take on Lance’s loss back on Earth :)

Pidge feat. Matt

Pidge and Matt (unfortunately they were too late for their father, sam) go back home, expecting to surprise their (probably) mourning mother with their open arms and just their existence (surpise, we’re alive! sorry for disappearing without a single word or trace and leaving you worried and thinking you’re alone for over a year!) but they find out she fell into major depression from the loss of her family and either commited suicide or died from broken heart syndrome only a few days ago so their house is still theirs and they can't bring themselves to sell their house because there are just so many things they can’t let go of, not yet, not ever, so they live there but every time they walk down the stairs or they come down to eat breakfast, the smell of familiar food reminds them of their mother's cooking, how she'd always kiss them on their foreheads before they left for work/school regardless of how much they'd protest as they came of age and they just fall into their own kind of depression because if only we could've told her, if only we could've let her know that we're alive, we're safe, that we'll come back, if only we’d come sooner because they both know if they had come just a few days earlier their mother would still be alive, would still be making them breakfast that smells good enough to wake them up from their sleep, would still be giving them her daily forehead pecks before they left and they mourn the loss of their mother who they can't help but feel died because of them, and died thinking only the worst, with no one by her side.

Hunk

Hunk will also be hard, considering there's not much about his background known...since he likes cooking so much, maybe his favorite bakery or restaurant or something is closed down and reconstructing for a different shop or just closed down and the lights are off, the doors are blocked with wood that's been nailed onto it so no one can go in and it's just gone, it's there but it's gone (so close yet so far) and at first it doesn't affect Hunk as much besides the fact that “aw, I used to like eating there...guess I'll have to find a new place" but no matter how many "new places" he goes to it's just, it's just not the same it doesn't taste right, maybe this salad is just a little too sweet or this steak tastes just a little too bland and it's not enough but it's enough to make him reminisce back to when he'd go to that cafe/restaurant to have a nice meal with his friends (Lance and Pidge) after a tough day at the Garrison or just when he'd want to treat himself out or when he's feeling a little down, no especially when he's feeling a little (probably a lot if he's going alone) down the food always was able to cheer him right back up but no it's gone, it's gone now and it won't come back, it's never coming back oh god what have I done? and he knows it's not my fault the place closed down but it feels like it is because he was gone for so long, he wasn't there to protect it, and even if he couldn't, at least he could have been there when it closed down, he could have talked to the owner, asked them for their recipe, something just be right there but he couldn't, he was gone saving the damn universe from the stupid Galra and tears well up in his eyes as he's eating the steak that's just a little too bland because oh god, why me? why me why did the yellow lion have to choose me? and after a moment of crying he sets his fork and knife down, pays for the meal, and leaves with the steak just a little too bland left on his plate, almost looking untouched because he just doesn't have an appetite anymore and he trudges his way home, no Lance to cheer him up with his annoying (but Hunk never thought it was annoying, it was always amusing to watch him try to land one) flirting because he's mourning the disappearance of his family, no Pidge to distract him with her love for the technoligical advancements of the castle because she's still with Matt, trying so desperately not to blame themselves for the death of their mother but they know it's futile because in the end, it really was them that killed their mother, and no Shiro to give him that dad-smile he seems to have no trouble giving his friends when he knows they need a bit of cheering up because he's dealing with his own things, and Hunk realizes oh god, I have no friends, no one cares about me, they've all disappeared...just like the restaurant/cafe did and it takes all of his remaining, yet small amount of, willpower to stop himself from just jumping in front of the fast moving vehicle that zoomed past him because it's just a restaurant, why am I acting like this? There's always a new place but no, there isn't a new place. There is no replacement. It's just gone, and gone is one thing Hunk thinks cooking will never fix.

Shiro

ugh Shiro is hard too bloody hell I mean he's already lost so much the only thing I can think of him mourning is the fact that he doesn't have a home at all to go back to because out of the five of them, he's been gone the longest so not only does he have no family to wait for him (cus most likely he was single when he left for the Kerberos mission and not much is known about his family so it's safe to say they're just out of the picture, gone, nada) and now he also has no home because if anything it's probably been sold to some other family or smth because no one is going to wait 2+ years (let alone one) for a missing man to pay his bills let's be real so he has no family, no home, and honestly, besides the paladins probably no friends so he just mourns for himself, for the lack of a home to go back to, for the lack of open arms waiting for him regardless of who it is, for just being gone for so long that no one remembers him and oh god heartbreak okay nevermind I guess Shiro's is pretty easy to write.

Allura

I can write one for Allura too (if I write for Allura then I am most dEFINITELY writing one for Coran too cus ain't nobody gonna skip out on Coran Coran the gorgeous man) I guess but since Allura isn't from Earth (she's from Altea, duh) and she's already lost everything (except Coran Coran the gorgeous man, which, is really the only reason she was able to remain sane and alive after waking up ten thousand years subsequent to the destruction of her home because in all honestly, if she was left alone, if she woke up to find out she was the only Altean alive, that oh god, not even Coran survived then let's be real, she'd have broken) so I guess the only thing she really has left to lose is Coran and the paladins whom she'll admit she's found a safe spot for them in her heart that she knows nothing will replace and nothing can replace and so when they finally arrive back on Earth after their hard fought war, Allura expects them all to be happy, to go back to their familes with happy tears in their eyes and the last thing she expects is for all of them to look lost, to feel despair, to not know what to do with their lives, to feel so much loss over such an easily replaceable thing but that's exactly what she witnesses happening and she just can't stop the feeling of her heart being ripped out of her skin as she watches Keith just kinda deteriorate in front of the castle, not even able to get 3 centimeters away from the platform, as she watches Lance's face full of excitement, hope, and longing turn into something she could only describe as something her face probably looked like when she found out Altea is gone, her home is gone, her father is gone when he found out his family is nowhere to be found, as she listens to Matt's and Pidge's cries for their lost mother, as she sees hunk's disappointment turn into loss, as she witnesses Shiro's strong demeanor crumble away to reveal the broken man he's become and no matter how much Coran coaxes her, telling her otherwise, she can't help but think it's my fault, it's my fault they're all feeling like this, if only I hadn't forced them into becoming paladins, if only I hadn't told them they're the universe's only hope, if only I wasn't so hung up on my own stupid loss then they wouldn't be like this, they wouldn't feel so lost, so depressed, so gone and her own feet betray her, making her buckle down to her knees despite being a princess who's spent a lot of her life learning about standing up straight and proper manners, no, right now all she can do is cry on her knees in the middle of the lounge of the castle where she can remember all the paladins sitting, relaxed and laughing at their own earthly jokes that she's learned over time, wishing, begging to turn back time so they wouldn't feel the way they all do now.

Coran

Okay well I guess since I made one for Allura I'll have to go on to Coran Coran the gorgeous man...this is gonna be hard considering besides his obnoxious personality (and mustache) I really don’t know much about him but we do know that Lance is his favorite paladin so when they return to Earth he's all excited to meet Lance's family who he's sure are as wonderful and excellent as his favorite paladin is only to find they're not even there and the blue paladin is falling, breaking before his own eyes and he can't bring himself to say anything because what could I say to someone who just lost his entire family? and he thinks it's best that he says nothing because eventually Lance will get over it but Lance doesn't get over it (duh) and if anything Lance falls deeper and deeper into the darkness until eventually he's just not there anymore, he's not dead, no Lance didn't-couldn’t-commit suicide because despite everything he just can't bring himself kill himself because he's so scared even though he feels-or knows-he has every right to, no, every reason to but he just can't, he's just so scared, and that only adds more pain to him and Coran watches this, still keeping his obnoxious mouth shut (for once) because what could I possibly do to make a mourning child feel better? and he can only bring himself to try to be positive, leading him to think that Lance is probably (hopefully) the only one having this much of a hard time so he goes to Allura only to find oh no she's not doing any better than his favorite paladin is because she's blaming, she's blaming herself, she's blamed herself so much that now she is convinced that the fault of the paladins' despair is her fault and no matter how much Coran tries to remind her, no, no dear child, sweet child it is not your fault, please, please stop blaming yourself, please, just please stop crying and when she buckles down to her knees that's when realization hits Coran like a boulder that's fallen off a cliff that no matter how much he tries to lie to himself saying everything will get better with time because bloody hell despite his strongest attempts to ignore it, to just not believe in it time won't solve anything, nothing will get better, and worst of all, it'll just keep getting worse, and worse, and worse...being the oldest adult among them he tries, oh god he tries so hard not to fall with them, because as the adult I must be the helping hand to pull them up and out of this darkness but how can he be the helping hand when he's the one pulling them down? so he stops trying, he stops foldering his own feelings away, he just stops and...well that's it. he stops...really, in this situation what could he really do? though it's been years, Coran has never truly had the time to mourn the loss of Altea, he never truly had the time to mourn the loss of his own family that he knows for a fact perished along with his previous home what with fighting the war against the Galra and all and with it having been past over a year since he'd woken up from that pod and immediately went into fighting stance against his favorite paladin he'd assumed well it's been such a long time, I must have moved on but seeing the paladins, seeing his favorite paladin, seeing Allura broken into a mess-most indubitably the effect of having fallen and landing hard into the darkness-brings back all the grieving he'd missed out on and he begins to think maybe, just maybe if only King Alfor hadn't put me in that pod beside Allura I could have done something to help time figure out the many issues it can not solve and maybe, just maybe, these paladins would not have broken, would not have fallen into this darkness in the first place.