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branwendaughterofllyr · 3 days ago

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I waited almost half a year, and it was worth every second! This chapter is amazing! I want to kidnap you and make you write this all the time! Not kidding!

Right from the start, there’s a prophecy, and it seems likely that the main character is Oldgon. At first, I thought it was Aemond, but Helaena’s dream is about the sea, not a lake, and it doesn’t match Lucerys either. The mention of ‘blood-colored coral’ reminded me of Oldgon’s red symbolism—is he going to die at Storm’s End? I’m looking forward to it (sorry, Oldgon). Helaena instinctively knows the Red Spring has come, and Little Aegon’s dream is heartbreaking. Crush that cheese now, Aegon. Does he have a touch of prophecy like his sister? As a Helaegon shipper, I’m delighted (though in the story, they feel more like close siblings than lovers. Alicent probably sensed this too, which is why she opposed their marriage. She may have preferred that ridiculous idea of marrying Oldgon because of this).

Both Alicent and Alyssa endure painful separations; it seems the Red Spring has already arrived for them, with blood flowing in many ways. When Helaena sees her second blood, her nightmare will come true. Yes, that’s what I wanted from Blood and Cheese in the show! A nightmare!

The tansy story reflects a hidden disdain for Rhaenyra and shows her crumbling. Please, stop sharing things no one wants to know, Rhaenyra. The way you write her reminds me of a young version of Milly’s portrayal. I love Emma D’Arcy, but their version is a bit too gloomy. I can imagine Rhaenyra crying in front of Alyssa in their version.

Our goth girl, Alyssa, has a solid grasp of medieval politics. Yes, the necessary performance! Jace seems to miss the point, and Aemond is just jealous of Jace, yet these boys need to understand the importance of this play-acting more than anyone. You believe Sara Snow is real, right? Little Aegon is tired of this performance, and honestly, I can’t blame him. Poor kid.

Helaena’s necklace! The necklace! Fuck you, Viserys! Fuck you, Condal!

Alyssa could’ve been a septa; it would’ve been the most educational path for a medieval woman, though a very Andal-ish path. (Yes, I’m mocking Daemon here. The frustrating thing about him is his unresolved feelings for Elinor. Is it that hard to apologize and pay your respects? Yeah, that’s just who he is.)

Daemon, the highlight of this chapter, is truly impressive. I don’t mean to compare, but in some fics, he’s either a baby-eating monster or a Harlequin romance hero with too much charm. You captured the Daemon I know: a proud, violent, immature man who both loves and despises his kin. Laena, by his side, is the cheerful, relaxed mediator who softens situations (though her Targaryen nature shows in her talk with Alyssa—let’s be honest, who else but a Targaryen would marry Daemon?). I’m not a Daemon fan, but if Matt Smith could play your version, I’d die happy. He truly embodies the Rogue Prince.

I don’t want to take Viserys’s side, but Oldgon is acting like a child. I understand his unresolved trauma and anger (the heir for a day crossed a line), but claiming not to be part of the Dance while making enemies? What a fool.

Alicent… It’s heartbreaking to watch her. She does everything to protect her children, yet loses them because of it. She sends Daeron away for safety, leads Aegon and Helaena to an unhappy life(Dreamfyre omg) and is alienated (Little Aegon, don’t feel too bad; this crazy family is all miserable). And Aemond has always been distant from her (even if he’d hate to admit it—typical Andals aren’t like you, you dragonist). That leaves Oldgon and Alyssa (Did I forget Viserys? Haha). Oldgon is lost in love like a true Targaryen, and Alyssa is drowning in her own gloom and frustration. Alicent really needs a friend. Her empathy for the young girl in the scene with Alyssa was touching. Alicent was an unhappy girl, but she’s a good adult, doing her best.

Our goth girl is getting darker. Contrary to my first impression, Aemond and Alyssa seem to be forming quite a dark goth couple (I initially imagined her personality would be more like Laena’s). Alyssa is smart, understands the storm at the core of this, but doesn’t have the power to stop the game. She sees the unfair system, marriage expectations for women, and knows the future Dance ahead, but she’s helpless. Little Aegon, though not as perceptive as her, also feels this powerless dread. Watching these teenage kids try to deal with their helpless fear, Aegon’s rebellion and Alyssa’s melancholy, is so sad—no one understands them. She’s a bit like Elisabeth in the musical (I’m not sure if they perform it in your country, since I know you’re living in the US). Even if you race beyond the horizon, there’s no freedom; society haunts you like a ghost. Jaehaerys recognized this and could use it (and did so to his Targaryen children with no freedom). Sadly, Alyssa isn’t in his position. She can’t even control her father’s marriage. Oldgon, you idiot! (I don’t hate him; he’s just a typical man, as you said).

What Aemond did to Alyssa surprised me; I read it as jealousy. This poor boy seems quite taken with the goth girl, while she’s deciding whether to join the Vale war. Good luck, Aemond. And to be honest, Alyssa doesn’t seem good for your mental health. The same goes for you, Laena. Your brother and his wife probably aren’t going to be any good for your life. Don’t help them…

My overall thought is this: You must have gone through a lot writing this chapter. Capturing the calm before the storm (Driftmark) is tough, especially with so many unhappy Targaryens involved. But you’ve done a brilliant job. You’ve shown that the Dance wasn’t a one-night accident, that all our fools were playing their parts long before. Now I’m waiting for the impending storm! (Not trying to rush you—I know you’re in a busy season, and you need mental recovery. But if next chapter delays due to you, Donald T, watch out!)

I literally screamed a little out loud when I saw this come into my inbox this morning.

I had immense about of fun writing the prophecy for this chapter! I decided a while ago to embrace George's idea of dragon dreams, which are rife with strange imagery and are actual dreams, and I was heavily inspired by The Tempest when I wrote up this one.

Full fathom five thy father lies; Of his bones are coral made; Those are pearls that were his eyes: Nothing of him that doth fade, But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange. Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell: Ding-dong. Hark! now I hear them,—ding-dong, bell.

This is probably one of my favourite bits of descriptive writing of all time, and I had to give it a homage!

Is the prophecy about Oldgon? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ My lips are sealed, but I think we should all add this to the conspiracy board! I am going to level with y’all, Aeg II’s dream was not intended to be a work of prophecy at all, it’s based on a weird dream I had once, unrelated to B&C, lol. And yeah, I think Helaegon works best for me as a tragic brother-sister pait that should be teasing each other and sending each other silly christmas cards, but instead they are forced into a sexual relationship that makes them utterly miserable. And on the Helaena-Oldgon match (blegh, I felt so gross writing that up), I will say that I am actually playing the unreliable historicity of F&B. Remember, Alicent has never proposed such a thing on screen (the page?). I also purposefully reused almost the exact same language that F&B used to described Daemon and Rhaenyra's relationship when she was a young girl, which was- well, the Targaryens are constantly blurring family lines and one uncle's doting is another's grooming. (anyone spot the jade tiara?)

And poor Alicent and Alyssa, neither of them are having a good time. Helaena was right, spring is not going to be what Alyssa hoped at all. It's just blood, all the way down.

I actually thought a lot about how I wanted to deal with the birth of Joffrey. In the book, he came along right after Lucerys, but in the show, there was a pretty massive gap between the two. Considering the bad luck of Rhaenyra's mother and both of her grandmother's in childbirth, particularly Alyssa T on her third go after surviving two succesful pregancies, I imagined Rhaenyra as being leery of giving birth. As such, she was using the best form of birth control she could, moon tea. But moon tea and other herbal remedies are unreliable, pronce to over or underdosing and their side effects can be dangerous and even deadly. Both tansy and pennyroyal overdosing can result in liver failure, and the jaundice Rhaenyra was experiencing was a warning sign of that happening to her. Hence why she stopped using it for a while, and ended up with an oops baby. Fun fact, desserts, mainly puddings, were flavoured with tansy during the medieval and Elizabethan period leading to many people mildly poisoning themselves with the herbs. A young girl like Alyssa would have been familiar with tansy as a culinary herb rather than a abortificent, and also why Rhaenyra would be able to obtain the ingredients of moon tea fairly easily. The judgement Rhaenyra would face for using moon tea is not something I agree with, but it would be viewed negatively in world and associated with sex workers and adultery, and Alyssa would have been exposed to the misogynstic prejudice surronding such things. I do plan in later chapters to delve more into these sort of things, since I think moon tea is often used as a get out of pregnancy free card in fics, when it does have its dangers and risks. (I want to spoil my plans, but all I'll say is that Septa Alla is involved in such things as herblore and midwifery)

I think of Alyssa as a fairly astute child, and Oldgon is of the opinion that every day is “take your daughter to work” day if you are brave enough, so she’s really been immersed in the business of court politics for years now. And she takes pleasure in the game of it at this point, and the "rules" that are part of it. This mainly goes over Aemond and Jace's heads at this time, but Jace is teachable! He can learn! He grows up into a fairly politically astute young man! And lil Aegon is already so over it all, he'd rather dress in motley at this point.

I am SOOOOO glad someone noticed the necklace, I was literally googling what it looked like as I was writing this chapter, and I was like... oh? Wonder if I can add backstory to that!

Alyssa actually could have enjoyed septahood if she realized the relative independence and freedom of learning it could bring her, but all the septas she knows are non-controversial ones who very much toe the line, like Septa Victaria. And Septa Victaria is pretty damn boring. (Again, I don't want to spoil, but Septa Alla and her cohort offellow septas will be appearing later in the story, and they are heavily inspired by the likes of Hildegarde von Bingen and St. Radegund and other highly educated women who used relgious life as an escape from marriage and motherhood. Of course, some of them end tragically anyway, like Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz.) And also Oldgon doesn't Alyssa to move into a motherhouse and take a vow of silence and never talk to him again (Always the worst case scenario with this man).

I also will say that Daemon has his own thoughts on Elinor, and they will be mentioned in the future, but actually? He was not so nearly as hostile to her as Alicent. I headcanon a lot of Daemon's beef with Alicent as the result of her being Otto's daughter, and Elinor had nothing to do with any of that, lol.

I agonized so much over Daemon, because I know so many people were eagerly anticipating him. I really hope he lived up to all the hype. Even though he's far from my favourite, he can come across as deeply charming when he wants to, and deeply unsettling when he wants to set people off-kilter. I joke about Laena being his manic pixie dream girl, but she genuinely did seem to match his energy in a way that was more positive for Daemon, and I felt pretty sad for her character that the show chose to cut it all out and make it clear she was his second choice and she knew it.

And Daemon's appearance definately made Oldgon regress quite a bit, into the quiet little boy he used to be. Older brothers can do it you, and you it's bad with Viserys is rightfully scolding you for acting like a little baby.

And Alicent to be is such a lonely figure, especially during this time of her life. It's a loneliness that can't be fixed by simple company, bc she is surrounded by be her children and other women her age, but she cannot truly be herself or confide any of them. Really, sending Daeron off to foster is for the best, both politically and for Daeron's development, but that's cold comfort when her baby is on the opposite of the continent. I think Alicent, especially in my fic, is defined as an outsider in the midst of the Targaryens, and she is constantly reminded of that by even her own children who have their father's colouring and are riding dragons. Even Aemond, who I personally headcanon her being indulgent towards because he was " said to be half the size of his elder brother, but twice as fierce," which I decided to take as him possibly being premature, and a small, fragile baby that she coddled and let get away with much more than her first son, Aegon. Even Oldgon, who is very well-meaning and genuinely fond of her, is busy in his own life and he's never quite been able to grasp her struggled. I think she recognizes a bit of her own unhappy childhood in Alyssa, and she tries her best to be an example and a comfort at once.

Yes, Aemond and Alyssa are giving off very dark vibes even at their tender ages, and while I do enjoy Laena immensely, I decided to take more cues from Alys Rivers, Aemond's canon lover. And also, I love a witchy woman, I cannot lie. She is being slowly crushed under the rules and expectations of her society, especially in regards to how her gender limits her, but she can't do anything about it, and is doing her best to wiggle around it in small ways, and learn to manage within the confines. I actually really like the musical Elisabeth! I've never seen in it person, but I'm big into musical theater, and I've seen several of the taped peformances. I'm partial to the Hungarian costuming for Der Tod, lol. Kitsch is probably my favorite song, it is a bop! I am thrilled by the comparison, even though it’s not something I had in mind while writing! The morbid self-obsession combined with moments of an outgoing personality! I love the comparison! I think it really suits Alyssa!

I think Aemond has a lot of feelings bound up in his relationship with Alyssa that he’s not mature enough to understand or deal with, and there jealousy was definitely involved his “prank.” I think even as a child, there’s a sort of callousness to both book and show Aemond. Like, it takes a special kind of nasty to tell another kid you hope they die screaming like their father. I think it's safe to extrapolate that Aemond struggles with empathy to a certain degree, and he was perhaps genuinely a little startled Alyssa was so frightened, because he didn't find it particular scary himself. (and also he was a tad mad at her. He's not a very nice child, is he, lol)

Someone free Laena! She's too good for her mess! She needs to be sipping pina coladas in Pentos right now, not trying to fix Laenor and Rhaenyra's problems!

I am so glad to have this chapter done, and it was an important one, but I am sooooo ready to move onto the Red Spring, the Fire at Harrenhal, and Driftmark. The next two chapters are going to be back to back Aegon PoV covering those events, and I really don't want to a canon rehash, so I need to think about all the changes I want to make. To tell the truth, some of the dialogue from Driftmark is some of the earliest stuff I have written, and I need to update it to fit the changes in the story and also because I do think my writing has improved since then! (this chapter was meant to feature Otto as well, but it just wasn't working, so I cut all his scenes and had Gwayne come get Daeron instead. The next chapters will have us seeing more of Daemon, Larys, Corlys, and Rhaenys! (I love Rhaenys, I'm so glad to be writing her again)

#branwen answers #a poison tree #WHAT AN AMAZING MESSAGE I AM BLOWN AWAY

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dbenfordworks · 2 years ago

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Performances & other incidents

Contact: [email protected]

See also: http://douglasbenford.org.uk

Sound gallery: http://douglassoundgallery.tumblr.com

Bandcamp: https://dbenford.bandcamp.com/music

Further links at bottom of page

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2023

December

- Performance as part of a trio with Mirei Ya and Chris Hill at the Frank Chickens’ Merry Mini Ura Matsuri, St Mary’s Old Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Performance as part of a trio with Chris Hill and James O’Sullivan at Matt Atkins’ 50th birthday event, Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Trio performance with Iris Colomb and Tom Ward at a Lion Heart production event, The Royal Albert pub, New Cross, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Steve Beresford, Faradina Afifi, Charlotte Keeffe, Julien Woods and George Garford at Longfield Hall, Camberwell, London, UK

- The Ambrosia Rasputin radio show on Resonance FM this month had two programmes with pieces involving Douglas Benford aired. Firstly, a performance by Maggie Nicols, Isidora Edwards, Alex Paxton, Hyelim Kim and Douglas Benford, and then also a piece by Mandhira De Sara, John Edwards, Hannah Marshall and Douglas Benford from their bandcamp album, see links below.

November

- Trio performance with Verity Lane and N.O. Moore at Soundhunt (part of Cambridge Jazz Festival), Thrive cafe, Cambridge, UK

- Attended and performed at the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Eddie Prevost, Nathan Moore, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, Jessica St Bruno, Chris Hill, Ed Lucas and Romuald Wadych.

- Performances as part of a quintet with Maggie Nicols, Alex Paxton, Hyelim Kim and Isidora Edwards at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Steve Beresford, Faradina Afifi (with poetry by Bettina Schroeder & Roger Huddle), Sue Lynch, Jonny Martin and Benjy Sandler at St Mary’s Old Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Duo performance with Dee Byrne at a Lion Heart production event, The Royal Albert pub, New Cross, London, UK

October

- Attended and performed at the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Eddie Prevost, Nathan Moore, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, John Eyles, Gina Fergione, Jessica St Bruno, Ian Wadley, and Mirei Ya

- Performances as part of a quartet with Emily Shapiro, Sofia Vaisman-Maturana, Abe Mamet, Maya Leigh-Rosenwasser at The Intimate Space, St Mary’s Tower, Hornsey Village, London, UK

- The Ambrosia Rasputin radio show on Resonance FM airs an excerpt of ‘Cascade Study Team’ from the Bandcamp album by Douglas Benford, Emily Shapiro, N.O. Moore and Clive Bell - https://www.mixcloud.com/Resonance/the-ambrosia-rasputin-show-15-oct-2023/

- Performances as part of a quartet with Sue Lynch, Dave Fowler and Noah Berrie at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as part of a trio with Verity Lane and Eddie Prevost at Ad Lib, Open Ealing, Ealing, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Steve Beresford, Chris Killick, Olga Ksendzovska, Aurelie Freoua and Martin Hackett at St Mary’s Old Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

September

- Performances as part of a trio with Lucy Strauss and Alan Wilkinson at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Attended and performed three times this month at the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Eddie Prevost, Nathan Moore, Tilly Coulton, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, John Eyles, Tony Hardy-Bick, Tansy Spinks, Chris Hill, Verity Lane, Noah Berrie, Soeine, Samuele Albani, Alan Newcombe, James O’Sullivan, Ed Shipsey, Ross Lambert, Keisuke Matsui, Ian Wadley, Benjy Sandler, Andrea Bolzoni and Mirei Ya

- Performances as part of quartet with Ariséma Tekle, Robert Finegan & James O’Sullivan at Finch Cafe, London Fields, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Charlotte Keeffe, Olga Ksendzovska, Dee Byrne, Gustavia Clayton Marucci and Phil Minton at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

August

- Attended and performed twice this month at the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Eddie Prevost, Nathan Moore, Noah Berrie, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, Tony Hardy-Bick, Ian Wadley, Chris Hill, Tansy Spinks, Alan Newcombe, Keisuke Matsui, Will Clark, Mirie Ya and Ross Lambert

- Duo performance with Pascal Marzan at a private party celebrating Sylvia Hallet’s birthday

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra, with conductions by Steve Beresford, Charlotte Keefe, Noel Taylor, Julian Woods, Ashley Wales, Maggie Nicols, Faradina Afifi, Aurelie Freoua, Rowland Sutherland, Orphy Robinson at Cafe Oto, Dalston, London, UK

July

- Performances as a part of a quartet with Caroline Kraabel, Julia Doyle and Tom Ward at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Keyboard contribution to Jackson Burton & Ash Reid’s performance at an Associates pop group dedication event, Cafe Oto, Dalston, London, UK

- Trio performance with Charlotte Keeffe and Tom Jackson at a Lion Heart production event, The Royal Albert pub, New Cross, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Steve Beresford, Faradena Afifi, Olga Ksendzovska, Martin Hackett and Dave Tucker at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

June

- A trailer for a documentary film on artist Calum Storrie, to be released later in 2023, is released, featuring co-compositions and performances by Douglas Benford - https://youtu.be/wRHhQ6ojaT4

youtube

- Performances as a part of a quartet with Jamie Coleman, Florence Uniacke and Daniel Thompson at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as part of Confront Recordings’ The Seen twentieth anniversary alongside Regan Bowering, Phil Durrant, Graham MacKeachan, Paul Khimasia Morgan, Cath Roberts, Matt Atkins, Bill Thompson, David Toop and Mark Wastell at Hundred Years gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Attended and performed at the London Improvisation Workshop three times this month at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Keisuke Matsui, Noah Berrie, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, Paul Margree, Tony Hardy-Bick, Chris Hill, Alan Newcombe, Tansy Spinks, Ian Wadley and Tom Mills.

- The Ambrosia Rasputin radio show on Resonance FM airs the piece ‘Smashed Dimensions’ by Douglas Benford, Otto Willberg and Phil Durrant (from the bandcamp ‘Stolen Embers’) - https://www.mixcloud.com/Resonance/the-ambrosia-rasputin-show-11-june-2023/

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Steve Beresford/Faradena Afifi, Adrian Northover, Ashley Wales w. Iris Colomb, Dee Byrne and Julian Woods w. George Garford at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Performance as a member of Multiple Melodicas alongside Steve Beresford, David Grundy and Georgina Brett at Cafe Oto, Dalston, London, UK

May

- Performances at a celebration of Emily Shapiro's birthday with Emily Suzanne Shapiro, Devon Osamu Tipp, Jo De Hulsters, Sofia Vaisman Maturana and Laura Beardsmore at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances with Marks Sanders and Verity Lane as part of ‘Drawn Into Sound’, with graphic scores by Calum Storrie and Livia Garcia at Cafe Oto, Dalston, London, UK

- Performances as a part of a quartet with Sylvia Hallett, Ecka Mordecai and Roland Ramanan at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Attended and performed this month with the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Eddie Prevost, Tony Hardy-Bick, Lucy Strauss, Chris Hill, Ross Lambert, Verity Lane, Regan Bowering, James O’Sullivan, Mirie Ya, Andrew Ciccone, Noah Berrie and N. O. Moore

- Recording session at the Hundred Years gallery, Hoxton, London, UK with Graham MacKeacham, Keisuke Matsui and Regan Bowering

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Steve Beresford, Faradena Afifi, Adrian Northover, Ashley Wales, Olga Ksendzovska, Philip Wachsmann and Aurelie Freoua at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Performance with Chris Hill, Iris Colomb, Crystal Ma and others at Babble & Squeak, Hundred Years gallery, Hoxton, UK

April

- Performances of Phil Morton’s 50:50 timer project alongside Phil Morton & the Oxford Improvisers (inc Mark Browne, Martin Hackett and others), and London-based improvisers Chris Hill, John Eyles, Iris Colomb, Pat Moochy, Lucky Liguori, Alan Newcombe and others at South Oxford Community Centre, Oxford, UK

- Attended and performed on two occasions this month with the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Eddie Prevost, David Grundy, John Eyles, Oscar Leyens, Tony Hardy-Bick, Tom Mills, Jordan Muscatello, Lucy Strauss, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, Armin Sturm, Chris Hill, Ross Lambert, Ed Shipsey, Alex Dalchecco, Tansy Spinks, Angus Paget, Faidon Pap, Helen Dimos, Sacha Kahirand and N. O. Moore

- Performances of Phil Morton’s 50:50 timer project alongside Phil Morton, Chris Hill, John Eyles, Ed Shipsey, Iris Colomb, Kostas Chondros, Pat Moochy, Martin Hackett, Lucky Liguori, Theo Finkel, James O’Sullivan, Hywel Jones and Matt Atkins at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as a part of a quartet with David Toop, Regan Bowering and Andrea Bolzoni at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performance as a member of Multiple Melodicas alongside Steve Beresford, Martin Hackett, David Grundy and Georgina Brett at Water Into Beer, Brockley, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Steve Beresford, Olga Ksendzovska, Faradena Afifi, Ashley Wales, Martin Hackett and Aurelie Freoua at St Mary’s Old Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

March

- Attended and performed with the London Improvisation Workshop three times this month at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Alan Newcombe, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, David Grundy, Chris Hill, Regan Bowering, Jamie Coleman, Ed Shipsey, Lydia Swift, Mirei Ya, Theo Wigens, Helen Dimos, Florence Uniacke, John Eyles, Andrew Ciccone, Noah Berrie, Pat Moonchy, Ian Wradley, Lucky Liguori, Ross Lambert, Tony Hardie-Bick, Oscar Leyens, Jordan Muscatello, Jack Dove, Tansy Spinks, Crystal Ma and Keisuke Matsui

- Performances as a trio with Marjolaine Charbin & Dominic Lash at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- The Ambrosia Rasputin radio show airs the Hundred Years gallery event celebrating Maggie Nicols 75th Birthday including a group piece with Douglas Benford - [see the link above for the complete progamme]

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Steve Beresford (w. text by Brian Eley), Faradena Afifi, Dee Byrne, Ashley Wales, Loz Speyer and Aurelie Freoua at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Lengthy review of three releases (‘Plays LemonMelons’, ‘Taking A Quiet Road’ and a Lonely Impulse Collective piece) by Douglas Benford in the March 2023 issue of the Wire magazine, print edition, by Brian Morton. “Benford quite deliberately goes anywhere…quietly rapt….comfortably absorbed and absorbing”

- Duo performance with Benedict Taylor and group performance with Adrian Northover, Sue Lynch, Adam Bohman, Benedict Taylor, Georgina Brett, Daniel Thompson and Vid Drasler at a Lion Heart production event, The Royal Albert pub, New Cross, London, UK

February

- Performances as a quartet with Steve Noble, Adam Bohman & Dee Byrne at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

youtube

- Performance at Maggie Nichols’ 75th Birthday event and gallery fundraiser with Emmanuelle Waeckerle, Nicky Heinen, Caroline Kraabel, Mark Wastell and Phil Durrant at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK (see YouTube clip above)

- Performances of Phil Morton’s 50:50 timer project alongside Phil Morton, Chris Hill, John Eyles, Regan Bowering, David Grundy, Ed Shipsey, Tom Mills, Kostas Chondros, Pat Moochy, James Malone, Alan Newcombe and others at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- The Ambrosia Rasputin radio show airs the piece ‘Ramparts’ by Douglas Benford, Isadora Edwards and Adrian Northover (from the bandcamp album by them) - [link above for whole radio show]

- Duo performance with Cath Roberts at Boat-Ting, Embankment/Temple, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by David Leahy, Adrian Northover, Dee Byrne, Ashley Wales and Martin Hackett at St Mary’s Old Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

January

- Attended and performed with the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Eddie Prevost, James O’Sullivan, Tom Mills, Nathan Moore, Ross Lambert, Chris Hill, Alan Newcombe, Emmanuelle Waeckerle and Kostas Chondros

- Performance as a trio with Isidora Edwards and Adrian Northover at the Horse Impro Club, The Glitch, Waterloo, London, UK

- The Ambrosia Rasputin radio show had two different programmes featuring firstly most of the Mopomoso Xmas event included the duo by Andrea Bolzoni and Douglas Benford - https://www.mixcloud.com/Resonance/the-ambrosia-rasputin-show-15-jan-2023/ - and secondly most of the Hundred Years gallery winter solstice event including the duo of Verity Lane and Douglas Benford - https://www.mixcloud.com/Resonance/the-ambrosia-rasputin-show-22-jan-2023/

- Performances as a quartet with Emily Shapiro, N. O. Moore & Clive Bell at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Recording session at the Hundred Years gallery, Hoxton, London, UK with Graham MacKeacham and Regan Bowering

Continued below…

#Youtube

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radiofreeskaro · 1 year ago

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Radio Free Skaro #931 - Across the Whoniverse

Radio Free Skaro #931 - Across the Whoniverse - #DoctorWho news roundup! - Tales of the TARDIS! - Adventures Across Space and Time with Paul Booth, Joy Piedmont, Matt Hills, Tansy Rayner Roberts!

http://traffic.libsyn.com/freyburg/rfs931.mp3 Download MP3 It’s time for some Tales…of the TARDIS, as the Three Who Rule were thoroughly charmed by a nostalgia bomb measuring several megatons with appearances by former Doctors, companions and a Metebelis crystal! There’s also a tidal wave of news including SFX magazine’s many articles including interviews with RTD, David Tennant and Phil…

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backtothestart02 · 4 years ago

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My TV & Movie Ships

(more to be added as I think of them)

TV Ships:

Gossip Girl – Chuck/Blair, Dan/Serena, Nate/Vanessa, Carter/Serena, Jenny/Damien, Rufus/Lily, Ivy/Max

One Tree Hill – Nathan/Haley, Lucas/Peyton, Jake/Peyton, Brooke/Julian

The Vampire Diaries – Damon/Elena, Klaus/Caroline, Stefan/Katherine, Damon/Katherine, Jeremy/Vicki, Jeremy/Bonnie, Stefan/Caroline, Matt/Caroline, Elijah/Katherine

The Originals – Elijah/Hayley, Klaus/Cami, Kol/Davina, Hope/Roman

Legacies – Hope/Landon, Raf/Josie, MG/Lizzie

Once Upon a Time – Snow/Charming, Rumple/Belle, Neal/Emma, Philip/Aurora, Robin/Regina

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland – Will/Ana, Alice/Cyrus

Revenge – Daniel/Emily, Charlotte/Declan

The Secret Circle – Adam/Cassie, Nick/Melissa, Faye/Jake, Faye/Lee

Into the Badlands – Ryder/Jade, MK/Tilda

The Shannara Chronicles – Wil/Eretria, Amberle/Lorin, Bandon/Catania

This is Us – Jack/Rebecca, Randall/Beth, Kate/Toby, Kevin/Sophie, Kevin/Sloane, Kevin/Olivia

Single Parents – Will/Angie, Poppy/Douglas

Manifest – Jared/Mich

The Resident – Conrad/Nic

Riverdale – Betty/Jughead, Archie/Veronica

Mayans M.C. – EZ/Emily, Angel/Adelita

American Gods – Shadow/Laura

God Friended Me – Miles/Cara, Rakesh/Jaya

Roswell, New Mexico – Liz/Max, Michael/Maria

The Flash – Barry/Iris, Ronnie/Caitlin, Wally/Jesse, Cisco/Cynthia, Barry/Patty, Zoom/Black Siren

Legends of Tomorrow – Sara/Leonard, Ray/Nora, Nate/Zari 1.0

Supergirl – James/Kara

Constantine – John/Zed

Smallville – Clark/Lana, Chloe/Oliver

7th Heaven – Lucy/Kevin, Simon/Cecilia

Full House – Jesse/Becky

Stranger Things – Nancy/Steve, Mike/Eleven

The White Queen – Edward/Elizabeth, Richard/Anne

Poldark – Ross/Elizabeth

Great Expectations (2011) – Pip/Estella

And Then There Were None – Vera/Philip

Life Unexpected – Lux/Jones, Lux/Sam

Teen Wolf – Scott/Allison, Stiles/Lydia, Scott/Malia, Liam/Hayden

The 100 – Clarke/Finn, Clarke/Bellamy

90210 – Liam/Annie, Liam/Naomi, Dixon/Silver, Navid/Adrianna, Annie/Ethan, Annie/Jasper, Dixon/Ivy, Max/Naomi, Kelly/Ryan, Naomi/Austin, Ivy/Raj, Annie/Riley

Elementary – Sherlock/Joan

Everwood – Ephram/Amy, Bright/Hannah

Friends – Ross/Rachel, Chandler/Monica, Mike/Phoebe

Reign – Mary/Francis, Kenna/Bash, Greer/Leith, Leith/Claude, Greer/James

Law and Order: SVU – Elliot/Olivia

Scrubs – JD/Elliot, Turk/Carla

Pretty Little Liars - Spencer/Toby

Cloak & Dagger - Ty/Tandy, Ty/Evita

Batwoman - Alice/Ocean

iZombie - Liv/Major, Ravi/Payton, Liv/Lowell

Hart of Dixie - Zoe/Wade, Lemon/Lavon, George/Tansy, Lemon/Peter

Still Star-Crossed - Benvolio/Rosaline, Escalus/Rosaline

Gilmore Girls - Rory/Jess

...

Movie Ships:

Star Wars – Anakin/Padme, Han/Leia

Lord of the Rings – Aragorn/Arwen, Faramir/Eowyn, Sam/Rosie

The Hobbit – Legolas/Tauriel

The Day After Tomorrow – Sam/Laura

Sweet Home Alabama – Melanie/Jake

The Wedding Planner – Mary/Steve

Life As We Know It – Holly/Eric

The Lake House – Alex/Kate

The Village – Ivy/Lucius

Spiderman – Peter/Mary Jane

The Notebook – Noah/Allie

The Ring – Noah/Rachel

Titanic – Rose/Jack

Pompeii – Milo/Cassia

Romeo & Juliet (2013) – Romeo/Juliet

Mirror, Mirror – Snow White/Prince Alcott

A Walk to Remember – Jamie/Landon

Chasing Liberty – Anna/Ben, Alan/Cynthia

It – Bill/Beverly

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before – Peter/Lara Jean

In the Heart of the Sea – Owen/Peggy

The Host – Jared/Melanie, Ian/Wanda

He’s Just Not That Into You – Gigi/Alex

The Longest Ride – Luke/Sophia, Ira/Ruth

A Beautiful Mind – John/Alicia

The Legend of Tarzan – Tarzan/Jane

Pirates of the Caribbean – Will/Elizabeth

Red Riding Hood – Henry/Valerie

Safe Haven – Katie/Alex

The Woman in Black 2 – Eve/Harry

Woman in Gold – Maria/Fritz

Jurassic World - Owen/Claire

Hitch - Hitch/Sara, Albert/Allegra

The Mummy - Rick/Evie

Age of Adaline - Adaline/William

Far From the Madding Crowd - Gabriel/Bathsheba

Everything, Everything - Maddy/Olly

5th Wave - Cassie/Ben

If I Stay - Mia/Adam

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies - Darcy/Elizabeth

Enola Holmes - Enola/Tewkesbury

The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes - Coriolanus/Lucy Gray

#about me #tv ships #movie ships #tbc

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persephoneprice · 4 months ago

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surname suggestion time!

matte tansy or matte anthanasia?? the tansy plant is a symbol of immortality but also means "i declare against you"... a declaration of war, if you will. it's also a toxic plant!

matte tansy

eddie my friend u are brilliant and i love u

#asks #thank you!!!#matte tansy #you are my hero btw

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years ago

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Gateway Drug | Part Eighty

Words: 3.1K

Warning(s): Explicit language, substance abuse, verbal abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @edwardtriggerhandzz @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @liith-ium @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @ytwahsog @scarecrowmax @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @cruecifymesixx @meetthesixxter @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg @girlnight-terror

@fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @blowinmeupwithherlove @xrosegoldwolfx @mylifeisjustafeverdream @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze @reigns420 @sixxseconds2love @leatherandheels @dogmom2014 @allyouneedislove-mp3 @n0-self-c0ntro1 @viinceneil

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

My dad always used to tell me, "wisdom is being young enough to get away with doing something stupid, but still knowing better."

I never paid any attention to it because I didn't have any stupid decisions lined up at the age of eight. Or thirteen. Or sixteen...I guess because I never experienced the art of bad decision making and their damnable consequences, all of that pent up stupidity broke loose when I was seventeen and didn't slow down until I was in my thirties.

Young enough to get away with doing something stupid…

"What the hell are you thinking, Duff?" His older brother yells.

I'm listening with my ear pressed to the door, waiting in the hallway outside of Duff's apartment...trying not to be too mortifiedly embarrassed.

"Matt, it's—"

"—You're fooling around with a married woman, Duff, I know exactly what it is!" He yells.

"They're getting divorced, Matt, alright? It's not like I'm-I'm just sleeping with her for the hell of it!"

"She's getting out of a six year relationship and getting a divorce at twenty-three, Duff, don't you fucking think the reasonable thing for you to do is back off and let her actually process that before having sex with her?!"

"It's not like I'm taking advantage of her! I'm not! She loves me—"

"—She's lost! She's vulnerable! She's confused! She'd fall in love with any bone head that was a good guy right now!" He shouts at him. "What are you thinking, Duff? I mean, honestly, what the hell are you fucking thinking?"

"I-I don't know!"

"What the fuck happens if the media gets ahold of this? If mom finds out that her son is getting hot n' heavy in cars in dark parking lots with a married girl!"

It's quiet for a second.

"I would explain that they're getting divorced, and—"

"—Bullshit. You know what she'd say? 'Married is married until divorce is finalized'." He states.

"I think mom would be pretty understanding, Matt. I don't think she'd judge me like you are or try to talk me out of it."

"You sound like dad right now, you know that? Just fucking like him." He cuts. "And it's bullshit because I know you aren't anything like dad which is why I'm so stumped right now."

"It's not that big of a deal." Duff argues.

"Has she filed yet?" Matt asks next, not skipping a beat.

"W-What?"

"Has he filed yet? Have they filed yet?"

"I don't know—it's not my fucking business."

"So you're just sleeping with her and you don't even know if they're even splitting up at this point? Of course not because she probably doesn't even know what she wants!"

"She told me she's gonna divorce him." Duff tells him, certainty in his tone.

"Well, actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words, don't they?" Matt fires at him.

...but still knowing better.

The door opens quickly and I pretend I wasn't listening, taking a few steps back as Matt storms out, giving me a second glance before walking down the hallway to the stairs.

I peek into the apartment to see Duff pacing, not paying any attention to me still being out here.

I take a breath before heading after him.

"Matt," I say when I get to the parking lot as he goes to his car, "wait."

"You don't owe me an explanation about it, sweetheart, it's between me and my brother." He tells me calmly, getting into his car.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I ask him, catching my breath, before he can close the door.

He looks at me for a second.

"Do you? Or a wife or a boyfriend or something?"

"I have a girlfriend." He tells me.

"How long have you been with your girlfriend?"

"Like, almost a year, now." He replies, not seeing the point of telling me this.

"I bet you're really good to your girlfriend, Matt." I say, and he slowly catches on, sighing a little.

"I try to be."

"Nikki wasn't good to me. For years. While he was killing himself with drugs, he was killing me with how he treated me and how he acted and when you really love somebody you sit and make excuses for them to make however they're killing you seem justified, and it's not. It never is." I explain, a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. "And you don't realize it until one day you're watching a woman you loved and trusted tell the world she's been having an affair with your husband. And then those rose lenses shatter and it's clear. You've spent years of your life giving everything to someone who would probably trade you for an ounce of smack if he ran out." I sniffle. "I really loved him, and you're right, I do still love him. I do. But I also know I'd rather die than willingly throw myself back into that hell. I haven't filed yet, but I am going to when he gets back from Japan. And I do love Duff, and he's a very, very good man. I don't know the situation with you guys' father and it's not my business, but whoever and whatever your dad is...your brother is the farthest thing from it. And I know you are, too, just from the way Duff's always spoke of you and your siblings. I'm sorry for the trouble, and I know you're just trying to look out for him, but you need to be proud of him. Not for what you saw earlier, but just for the fact he's a really great person in a city filled with selfish pricks. You need to be proud of him, and he needs to hear that you're proud of him."

He lets out another breath, processing what I'm saying, nodding again.

"Have a good night." He mumbles to me, shutting the door, and I let out a breath and head back upstairs, seeing Duff stopped pacing and eventually just plopped onto the couch.

He looks at me when I come back in, his eyes sad, a solemn look on his face.

"I'm sorry if you heard any of that." He says to me and I sit down on the couch beside him.

"It's okay. He's just trying to look out for you, you know?"

"I know but he doesn't even know the half of it." He sighs. "And I'm not acting like my dad because if I were I'd be sleeping with anything in a skirt and leaving my wife to deal with my eight kids.

He tells me lowly, hurt in his voice.

I try to find the humor in it, nudging his side.

"You have a wife and eight kids?" I ask, smiling a little and he looks at me, his lips tugging at the corners.

"No," his lips crack the smallest of smiles for a moment, "but even if I did I wouldn't treat them like shit." He adds.

My hand comes up to discreetly brush against my stomach.

"Your brother just wants the best for you." I tell him.

"Who cares? It's not his or anybody else's business." He replies, leaning back, rubbing his forehead.

"I love you." I offer, hoping the words make him relax a little.

He huffs out a breath, finally looking at me, his hand grabbing mine, pressing it to his lips.

I did love him, just not the way I thought I did. I mean, when I was in love with Nikki, it was evident to everybody. I looked at him like I worshipped the ground he walked on—because I nearly did. With Duff, people had to ask me whether I really loved him or not. I always thought it was because we were moving so fast that it seemed abnormal, but in photos when Duff and I were together it was obvious he and I had no fucking clue what we were doing. We were happy with each other, and loved each other, but it was like we both subconsciously knew we weren't going to workout. At least we eventually accepted it.

I could've divorced Nikki, eventually married Duff, anyway, and made the same bizarre decision that Tansy and Axl made to divorce twice before finally getting married a third time, years later, when their shit was together—because even if Duff and I did get married, we wouldn't have made it through the early 90s.

A couple mornings later, I'm going back to my house since the coast is clear from Nikki since he left for Japan.

Checking the mail, I furrow my brows as I'm sorting through the bills, randomly seeing an envelope with my name on it.

I take the mail inside and open my letter.

"What the hell?" I mumble, looking at a couple hundred dollar bills.

Then it hits me.

"Hello?" Karen's voice on the other end of the phone, chipper as ever.

"Why the hell am I getting sketchy money from Elektra?" I ask.

"It's from 'Wild Side', Viv." She explains. "Because Nikki credited you as one of the writers, remember? They couldn't write you a check because it's under the table." She adds.

"Under the table?"

"To avoid—"

"—Well, I don't want it." I state.

"Viv, you're getting a divorce. I'd keep every dime I could, honestly." She advises.

"Karen, that's no…" I trail off, my mind running a mile a minute, piecing it together. "What time is it in Japan?"

"Uhm, like, 2:00a.m. maybe?"

"Where are they staying?"

"Vivian—"

"—I need to talk to Doc. Where are they staying?"

I didn't want to talk to Doc. Don't ask me how I managed to harass my estranged husband from 16 time zones away, but, I did.

"You knew you were gonna divorce me, you piece of shit, that's why you credited me so I'd get money to cover divorce court!" I accuse viciously.

"I don't fuckin' know what you've been smoking, Vivian, but you sound insane right now!" He fires back.

"What I've been smoking? What the fuck have you been smoking, Nikki?! Huh?!"

"Have you been sleeping, Vivian?! You're being fucking psychotic!"

"I'll get on a flight and show you fucking psychotic, asshole, you set me up and then left the fucking country!"

"I credited you as a joke—I didn't think they'd actually take it serious and send you part of the royalties!"

"Bullshit! You and Vanity planned for her to tell everybody about your bullshit with each other, knowing I'd leave you and file for divorce so you could be together!"

"If I was that fucking mean, Vivian, I wouldn't have credited you so you wouldn't have gotten paid shit, you crazy bitch!" He insists. "And take your goddamn medication!"

He hangs up and I roll my jaw before throwing the phone.

I could've killed him had I felt like flying to Japan.

"Then he tells me I'm being psychotic!" I vent to Izzy over the sound of the vacuum.

"Well, were you?!" He asks me and I cut the vacuum off.

"No, I wasn't. I just called him out on his bullshit because he loves to think I'm stupid."

"What exactly did you say to him?"

"That he credited me so I'd get money, that I'd probably put toward paying for a divorce."

"That's not too bad." He furrows his brows a little.

"Exactly. Not to mention the fact I know he's still seeing Vanity and the whole plan was to tell the world they were engaged, knowing I'd leave him, so they could finally publicly be together."

He looks at me funny, before asking, "d-did you tell him that?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, you lost me, Viv."

"What?"

"That's complete bullshit." He states.

"How?"

"How? Viv, the man is on a horse-sized dose of heroin on a daily basis—and the crack he would smoke with Vanity—do you think either of them had the energy or mental compacity to conduct a plan like that?"

"They had the energy to fuck each other, so, my perception of how much they were able to do under the influence has no limits at this point." I argue.

"I think pregnancy has you cuckoo for cocoa puffs." He mumbles.

"Izzy, I'm being serious." I hiss.

"I am, too, Viv." He tells me. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a complete asshole, but I just don't see Nikki high as a fucking kite coming up with this elaborate plan to leave you so he can be with his side piece while simultaneously deciding he wants you to be financially stable enough to withstand a divorce. He's a mean fucker. If he wanted to leave you, he would tell you to fuck off and file the same day without giving a flat fuck if you could afford it or not." He says. "And he's not seeing Vanity. There's no way she'd keep her mouth shut if they were still together."

"She managed to keep her mouth shut about it for over a year." I grumble.

"Yeah, because she was probably hoping he'd leave you for her."

I stop what I'm doing and look at him.

"Do you think he would've if she didn't tell everybody about it?" I ask next.

"I don't know, Viv." He answers honestly.

"Would you?"

He glances at me, serious for a moment, before the hint of a smile tugs at his lips.

"Never in a million years." He says and I smile a little. "Would you leave me for Duff?"

I pretend to think for a second.

"Depends on who's better in bed." I reply with the response I expected from him and he just blinks at me.

"Fuck you." He says and I laugh, eventually getting quiet, really thinking about what I said the last time we spoke.

"I'm not gonna do that to Duff." I say to him and he just looks off for a second.

"What made you change your mind?"

"He really loves me, Izzy."

"Yeah, he does." He shifts on his feet.

"Do you think...like, if him and me stay together…" I don't have to finish it, he already knows where I'm going.

"I think it'll be great for the first several months because it always is." Izzy replies. "But once the new wears off and things get more clear…"

"...Yeah."

NIKKI

"Jesus fucking Christ."

I beat the phone against the wall so the crazy bitch can't call here again.

"Two o'clock in the morning and she's making a long distance call just to gnaw my balls over something I didn't even fucking do? And bringing Vanity back up? What the fuck's her problem?

So, she got money for her credit, oh well. Plenty of people wouldn't necessarily mind seeing a couple hundred dollars for them in their mailbox but of course her ungrateful ass can't even be thankful for it." I hiss to myself pacing my room. "Cunt." I add, grabbing my bottle of wine from the TV stand, taking a big swig of it.

"Fuck her." I state next. "Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her...fuck," I take my wedding band off and throw it at hard at I can at the mirror in the corner of the room, on the wall, "her!" I yell when it makes impact, taking a step back, and another, falling flat on my ass.

I don't have the energy to get up, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling.

Just like my dad.

Just like my mom.

She just fucking left me...and I made her.

"Fuck her." I refuse to admit aloud it's my fault because it's not.

Sure, I fucked Vanity, I cheated on her first, but that doesn't give her the excuse to do the same to me.

"Fuck her." I repeat again.

I kept trying to convince myself I hated her. The truth was I hated myself, and was just trying to get that frustration out by turning on her.

It was easy to do when I imagined her under Duff while I was across the world, suffering, telling myself repeatedly she didn't give a shit about me.

She was probably thinking of me under a random groupie the entire time I was gone, and I don't blame her. I stayed under random groupies any other time, so why would Japan be any different? Especially after she and I were separated and had no obligations to each other.

I didn't have sex in Japan, honestly. I couldn't. I was too fucked up. I would try to, but it just wouldn't go over too well. My body was give out from abuse, my hands were scabbed from picking, my skin ate up with track marks, my face was sallow.

Fans would tell me they were worried I had the flu and I'd laugh it off and promise I was okay, then go to my room and stay locked in there until I absolutely had to leave.

I was on smack, constantly, to the point I wasn't even high but just shooting smack as maintenance, which served as a good excuse when a big magazine reporter came to Japan to talk to me and the guys about the tour and when the topic of Vanity came up…

I try to keep from rolling my jaw as the loser starts his question cautiously, testing the waters to see if I'm going to cut him off and tell him to ask another question or fuck off, or if I'm okay with it.

I remember Vivian's bullshit idea about me and Vanity wanting her to find out about the affair so she'd leave and we could be together.

Why the fuck would I go through that much shit just to be with someone like Vanity?

Leaving Vivian to be with Vanity is like leaving the frying pan to hop into the fire dick-first.

With this in mind as, "so, who is she to you?" finally leaves his mouth in reference to Vanity, pen in hand, ready to jot my answer and spread it around America the second it leave my lips, I pretend to think for a moment, and finally reply, "she was my fiancée."

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc #gateway drug

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kujarojotu · 9 months ago

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Do Azura or Tansy have jobs at the library like Amity?

No, but Azura occasionally helps Raine with their music lessons while Tansy occasionally helps Matt out with construction (mainly moving heavy materials).

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rarebritney · 5 years ago

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Ahh I love the photo you just posted! Would you take us through your current skincare/makeup routine? :)

thank you! um basically this time of year i layer oils and moisturizers like crazy because I have eczema! and I need exfoliants that don’t irritate my skin but still brighten and help with congested pores. Haven’t been experimenting with different cleansers but i recently picked up elf’s “super tone” becaus it shares many ingredients with pixie glow tonic and is infinitely cheaper. It’s basically a glycolic acid treatment with aloe and lemon peel oil. It smells strongly of lemons, but I haven’t had any redness or irritation to it, and it seems to work well, so I’m going to continue using it a few times a week! After that I put on a base layer of Cosrx snail mucin from my collarbones to my hairline and let it sink in while I get dressed. after that I put on a single drop of acure blue tansy night oil, which I recently discovered. It was $12 and outperforms the most expensive oils I’ve ever used. After putting it on my face feels velvety soft and moist for hours. it seems to somehow refine the texture of my skin and the effects last all day! I slather my neck in embroylisse, pat a little on my cheeks (don’t need too much moisture after the blue tansy oil). I throw on some mascara (milk makeup kush), blush (kaja mochi pop in spoils of Mars, et al.) and lip stain (Lancôme matte shaker or tony moly) and I’m done. recently I haven’t been wearing any makeup on my face besides blush and concealer on a zit here or there! I use glossier future dew as a highlight on my cheekbones and nose. If I want to be über dewy I’ll use it all over, concentrating on the apples of my cheeks, nose bridge and eyelids!

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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 years ago

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2019 Hugo Award finalists announced

The 2019 Hugo Award nominees have been announced; the Hugos will be presented this summer at the 2019 World Science Fiction Convention in Dublin, Ireland.

Normally, I find that I've read and reviewed a huge slice of the year's finalists, but this year is different; I've done a lot less reading lately, partly because I wrote two books in 2018 and partly because the new EU Copyright Directive ate my life for about 10 months in the past year.

I was a little sad to be so far behind the curve when I saw the new list, but then I realized that this meant that I had a bunch of really exciting books to add to my to-be-read pile!

One notable inclusion: the Archive of Our Own fanfic archive -- a project of the Organization for Transformative Works (for whose advisory board I volunteer) -- is up for "Best Related Work."

Congrats to all the nominees!

Best Novel * The Calculating Stars, by Mary Robinette Kowal (Tor) * Record of a Spaceborn Few, by Becky Chambers (Hodder & Stoughton / Harper Voyager) * Revenant Gun, by Yoon Ha Lee (Solaris) * Space Opera, by Catherynne M. Valente (Saga) * Spinning Silver, by Naomi Novik (Del Rey / Macmillan) * Trail of Lightning, by Rebecca Roanhorse (Saga)

Best Novella * Artificial Condition, by Martha Wells (Tor.com Publishing) * Beneath the Sugar Sky, by Seanan McGuire (Tor.com Publishing) * Binti: The Night Masquerade, by Nnedi Okorafor (Tor.com Publishing) * The Black God’s Drums, by P. Djèlí Clark (Tor.com Publishing) * Gods, Monsters, and the Lucky Peach, by Kelly Robson (Tor.com Publishing) * The Tea Master and the Detective, by Aliette de Bodard (Subterranean Press / JABberwocky Literary Agency)

Best Novelette * “If at First You Don’t Succeed, Try, Try Again,” by Zen Cho (B&N Sci-Fi and Fantasy Blog, 29 November 2018) * “The Last Banquet of Temporal Confections,” by Tina Connolly (Tor.com, 11 July 2018) * “Nine Last Days on Planet Earth,” by Daryl Gregory (Tor.com, 19 September 2018) * The Only Harmless Great Thing, by Brooke Bolander (Tor.com Publishing) * “The Thing About Ghost Stories,” by Naomi Kritzer (Uncanny Magazine 25, November- December 2018) * “When We Were Starless,” by Simone Heller (Clarkesworld 145, October 2018)

Best Short Story * “The Court Magician,” by Sarah Pinsker (Lightspeed, January 2018) * “The Rose MacGregor Drinking and Admiration Society,” by T. Kingfisher (Uncanny Magazine 25, November-December 2018) * “The Secret Lives of the Nine Negro Teeth of George Washington,” by P. Djèlí Clark (Fireside Magazine, February 2018) * “STET,” by Sarah Gailey (Fireside Magazine, October 2018) * “The Tale of the Three Beautiful Raptor Sisters, and the Prince Who Was Made of Meat,” by Brooke Bolander (Uncanny Magazine 23, July-August 2018) * “A Witch’s Guide to Escape: A Practical Compendium of Portal Fantasies,” by Alix E. Harrow (Apex Magazine, February 2018)

Best Series * The Centenal Cycle, by Malka Older (Tor) * The Laundry Files, by Charles Stross (most recently Tor.com Publishing/Orbit) * Machineries of Empire, by Yoon Ha Lee (Solaris) * The October Daye Series, by Seanan McGuire (most recently DAW) * The Universe of Xuya, by Aliette de Bodard (most recently Subterranean Press) * Wayfarers, by Becky Chambers (Hodder & Stoughton / Harper Voyager)

Best Related Work * Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works * Astounding: John W. Campbell, Isaac Asimov, Robert A. Heinlein, L. Ron Hubbard, and the Golden Age of Science Fiction, by Alec Nevala-Lee (Dey Street Books) * The Hobbit Duology (documentary in three parts), written and edited by Lindsay Ellis and Angelina Meehan (YouTube) * An Informal History of the Hugos: A Personal Look Back at the Hugo Awards, 1953- 2000, by Jo Walton (Tor) * www.mexicanxinitiative.com: The Mexicanx Initiative Experience at Worldcon 76 (Julia Rios, Libia Brenda, Pablo Defendini, John Picacio) * Ursula K. Le Guin: Conversations on Writing, by Ursula K. Le Guin with David Naimon (Tin House Books)

Best Graphic Story * Abbott, written by Saladin Ahmed, art by Sami Kivelä, colours by Jason Wordie, letters by Jim Campbell (BOOM! Studios) * Black Panther: Long Live the King, written by Nnedi Okorafor and Aaron Covington, art by André Lima Araújo, Mario Del Pennino and Tana Ford (Marvel) * Monstress, Volume 3: Haven, written by Marjorie Liu, art by Sana Takeda (Image Comics) * On a Sunbeam, by Tillie Walden (First Second) * Paper Girls, Volume 4, written by Brian K. Vaughan, art by Cliff Chiang, colours by Matt Wilson, letters by Jared K. Fletcher (Image Comics) * Saga, Volume 9, written by Brian K. Vaughan, art by Fiona Staples (Image Comics)

Best Dramatic Presentation, Long Form * Annihilation, directed and written for the screen by Alex Garland, based on the novel by Jeff VanderMeer (Paramount Pictures / Skydance) * Avengers: Infinity War, screenplay by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, directed by Anthony Russo and Joe Russo (Marvel Studios) * Black Panther, written by Ryan Coogler and Joe Robert Cole, directed by Ryan Coogler (Marvel Studios) * A Quiet Place, screenplay by Scott Beck, John Krasinski and Bryan Woods, directed by John Krasinski (Platinum Dunes / Sunday Night) * Sorry to Bother You, written and directed by Boots Riley (Annapurna Pictures) * Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, screenplay by Phil Lord and Rodney Rothman, directed by Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey and Rodney Rothman (Sony)

Best Dramatic Presentation, Short Form * The Expanse: “Abaddon’s Gate,” written by Daniel Abraham, Ty Franck and Naren Shankar, directed by Simon Cellan Jones (Penguin in a Parka / Alcon Entertainment) * Doctor Who: “Demons of the Punjab,” written by Vinay Patel, directed by Jamie Childs (BBC) * Dirty Computer, written by Janelle Monáe, directed by Andrew Donoho and Chuck Lightning (Wondaland Arts Society / Bad Boy Records / Atlantic Records) * The Good Place: “Janet(s),” written by Josh Siegal & Dylan Morgan, directed by Morgan Sackett (NBC) * The Good Place: “Jeremy Bearimy,” written by Megan Amram, directed by Trent O’Donnell (NBC) * Doctor Who: “Rosa,” written by Malorie Blackman and Chris Chibnall, directed by Mark Tonderai (BBC)

Best Professional Editor, Short Form * Neil Clarke * Gardner Dozois * Lee Harris * Julia Rios * Lynne M. Thomas and Michael Damian Thomas * E. Catherine Tobler

Best Professional Editor, Long Form * Sheila E. Gilbert * Anne Lesley Groell * Beth Meacham * Diana Pho * Gillian Redfearn * Navah Wolfe

Best Professional Artist * Galen Dara * Jaime Jones * Victo Ngai * John Picacio * Yuko Shimizu * Charles Vess

Best Semiprozine * Beneath Ceaseless Skies, editor-in-chief and publisher Scott H. Andrews * Fireside Magazine, edited by Julia Rios, managing editor Elsa Sjunneson-Henry, social coordinator Meg Frank, special features editor Tanya DePass, founding editor Brian White, publisher and art director Pablo Defendini * FIYAH Magazine of Black Speculative Fiction, executive editors Troy L. Wiggins and DaVaun Sanders, editors L.D. Lewis, Brandon O’Brien, Kaleb Russell, Danny Lore, and Brent Lambert * Shimmer, publisher Beth Wodzinski, senior editor E. Catherine Tobler * Strange Horizons, edited by Jane Crowley, Kate Dollarhyde, Vanessa Rose Phin, Vajra Chandrasekera, Romie Stott, Maureen Kincaid Speller, and the Strange Horizons Staff * Uncanny Magazine, publishers/editors-in-chief Lynne M. Thomas and Michael Damian Thomas, managing editor Michi Trota, podcast producers Erika Ensign and Steven Schapansky, Disabled People Destroy Science Fiction Special Issue editors-in-chief Elsa Sjunneson-Henry and Dominik Parisien

Best Fanzine * Galactic Journey, founder Gideon Marcus, editor Janice Marcus * Journey Planet, edited by Team Journey Planet * Lady Business, editors Ira, Jodie, KJ, Renay & Susan * nerds of a feather, flock together, editors Joe Sherry, Vance Kotrla and The G * Quick Sip Reviews, editor Charles Payseur * Rocket Stack Rank, editors Greg Hullender and Eric Wong

Best Fancast * Be the Serpent, presented by Alexandra Rowland, Freya Marske and Jennifer Mace * The Coode Street Podcast, presented by Jonathan Strahan and Gary K. Wolfe * Fangirl Happy Hour, hosted by Ana Grilo and Renay Williams * Galactic Suburbia, hosted by Alisa Krasnostein, Alexandra Pierce, and Tansy Rayner Roberts, produced by Andrew Finch * Our Opinions Are Correct, hosted by Annalee Newitz and Charlie Jane Anders * The Skiffy and Fanty Show, produced by Jen Zink and Shaun Duke, hosted by the Skiffy and Fanty Crew

Best Fan Writer * Foz Meadows * James Davis Nicoll * Charles Payseur * Elsa Sjunneson-Henry * Alasdair Stuart * Bogi Takács

Best Fan Artist * Sara Felix * Grace P. Fong * Meg Frank * Ariela Housman * Likhain (Mia Sereno) * Spring Schoenhuth

Best Art Book * The Books of Earthsea: The Complete Illustrated Edition, illustrated by Charles Vess, written by Ursula K. Le Guin (Saga Press /Gollancz) * Daydreamer’s Journey: The Art of Julie Dillon, by Julie Dillon (self-published) * Dungeons & Dragons Art & Arcana: A Visual History, by Michael Witwer, Kyle Newman, Jon Peterson, Sam Witwer (Ten Speed Press) * Spectrum 25: The Best in Contemporary Fantastic Art, ed. John Fleskes (Flesk Publications) * Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse – The Art of the Movie, by Ramin Zahed (Titan Books) * Tolkien: Maker of Middle-earth, ed. Catherine McIlwaine (Bodleian Library)

John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer * Katherine Arden (2nd year of eligibility) * S.A. Chakraborty (2nd year of eligibility) * R.F. Kuang (1st year of eligibility) * Jeannette Ng (2nd year of eligibility) * Vina Jie-Min Prasad (2nd year of eligibility) * Rivers Solomon (2nd year of eligibility)

Lodestar Award for Best Young Adult Book * The Belles, by Dhonielle Clayton (Freeform / Gollancz) * Children of Blood and Bone, by Tomi Adeyemi (Henry Holt / Macmillan Children’s Books) * The Cruel Prince, by Holly Black (Little, Brown / Hot Key Books) * Dread Nation, by Justina Ireland (Balzer + Bray) * The Invasion, by Peadar O’Guilin (David Fickling Books / Scholastic) * Tess of the Road, by Rachel Hartman (Random House / Penguin Teen)

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