#matt's stupid face and harry just like fucking perfection

[comfortwriting]

A Triwizard Baby Part 4 - F.W

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompt Masterlist

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Part 4 of my ‘Triwizard Baby’ mini-series, please read Parts 1, 2, and 3 if you haven’t already. Want to be tagged? Let me know!

Warnings: Swearing, Mention vomiting, and food/eating.

"Girls" you sighed, watching them finally stop jumping on their beds and dropping their pillows "There's something I need to tell you."

You and Angelina shared a glance, she knew and so did you - you were finally ready, to tell the truth. Hiding this - hiding the truth about you and Fred had caused you enough pain, and the longer you decided to hide this, the worse the pain would get.

"What is it?" Katie asked, already concerned, no longer giggly or excitable.

Staring and picking at your fingernails, you finally looked each of your friends in the eyes, your heart thumping in your chest with each breath.

"I'm ready to tell you" you sighed again "who the father is."

They all stayed silent except Matt's little sister, "who is it?" she asked quietly.

"Fred," you blurted out, unable to hide his name for much longer "Fred Weasley is the father."

"I've told you" Fred hissed "don't bloody speak to me!" he stormed in front of George, stamping his feet, furious his backstabbing brother would dare to even speak to him.

Fred was exhausted from sleeping in the room of requirement alone and no one to talk to, he was pissed off with his brother, frustrated that you weren't his and that everyone around him avoided him as if he had a curse. For the first time in his life, he left as if he had run out of luck.

George grabbed him by the arm "Freddie, please-"

"No!" Fred shoved George's grip off him "You're jealous, you always have been."

George opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't get a word in.

"You always have been, every girl I've been with, you've chased after when I'm done with them. You can't stand the fact I fucked her, and you've rubbed it in my face that you've knocked her up!" Fred's voice cracked "And I told you, I loved her!"

"Fred, I-"

"Do me a favour, Georgie, don't speak a word to me at the baby shower, unless you want a crib smashed against your stupid head!"

"Keep those eyes closed!" Angelina grinned, her hands covering your eyes as she walked you through the rented restaurant covered in banners, balloons, a buffet table and presents.

"I am!" you smirked, feeling slightly nervous, smelling the mouth-watering fruit juices and pies.

"Okay," Angelina smiled, removing her hands "open in three, two, one!"

Opening your eyes you looked across the huge room, your friends were all huddled together with party poppers, yelling "Surprise!" and pulling the string, confetti shooting across the room, Fred sat alone across the room, trying his hardest to show support and be happy for you, but his heartbreak was breaking through his persona better than he thought.

You were bombarded with presents for you and the baby: the new crib, clothes, socks, bottles, nappies, monitors, teddy bears, and blankets - you unwrapped everything which brought the biggest smile to your face and tears of happiness to your eyes.

Everyone made bets on whether you would have a girl or a boy, what time and day they would be born on, and how long the labour would be. Even you had to admit, you were having a good time and for the first time in a while, the smile on your face was genuine, not forced.

After hours of present opening, games, bets, and food, you and the girls cleaned up the confetti, empty plates and scrunched up wrapping paper. Fred slowly approached you and tapped you on the shoulder, turning around to look at him, your heart pained.

Tell him, everyone knows but him, just tell him!

"Freddie-"

"Y/N, can I have a moment?" he murmured.

The girls looked at the two of you standing in the middle of the room, they exchanged looks and nodded, leaving to give you both some privacy.

"I wanted to give this to you in private," Fred said softly, handing you a large faux dragon scale photo album "I ran out of time to wrap it, was up all night finishing it."

You stared down at the photo album and opened it, your heartbreaking with each turn of the page. Pictures of you and Fred throughout the years, followed by his little notes of when and where the picture was taken until you flicked to the empty pages, you stared up at him.

Tell him, now is a perfect time-

"Fred, please-"

"The blank pages are to fill with pictures of us and the baby," he said softly "that's if the father won't mind."

George entered the room again, not knowing his brother was still there.

"Y/N, I was thinking-" he stopped in his tracks, looking at his brother's face dropping.

"Congratulations, again." Fred walked away, pushing past his brother and out the door.

"They are Braxton Hicks, my dear." Madame Pomfrey waved her hand, helping you to your feet in the hospital wing.

Your hand rested on your bump "I'm sorry, what?"

After your little moment with Fred, your womb contracted and relaxed, disturbing your baby, causing it to lash out and kick against your tummy in discomfort from the contractions. You were frightened and sure you were going into labour and George rushed you to the hospital wing.

"Is she going to be okay?" George asked nervously.

"False labour pains" she replied "and if you go to the tournament tonight you'll be experiencing more of them!" she stressed.

"I can assure you I won't be doing backflips," you grumbled, "surely it will be safer for me if I sit down."

Madame Pomfrey held her nose up in the air, feeling slightly defeated "I can't stop you from going, but as long as you're sitting down and surrounded by a responsible group of friends, I don't see why you can't go."

"I'll take good care of her, I swear."

"Your brother couldn't!" Madame Pomfrey hissed "she's in this mess because of him, and I better not see you two back in here until that baby is ready!"

The loud band played along as everyone got seated high up in the stands, the girls on your left, and George on your right, you held onto his hand, still on edge from the sudden Braxton Hicks. You rested your head against his shoulder, Fred stared at the back of your head, his hands bunched into fists, regretting his decision to sit towards the back.

Everyone was on the edge of their seats, Fleur had failed, Krum evidently had too - now - it was between Cedric and Harry, the champion being a Hogwarts student was certain, but still, undecided whether that champion would belong to Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, like many others in the stands, your fingers and toes were crossed for Harry taking the win.

Out of nowhere, Cedric came stumbling out of the maze, covered in dirt, sweat, and blood, his shirt sticking to him and his hair ruffled, scratches across his delicate face. He crouched down, clearly out of breath, but so startled and shaken up that he was shaking and green in the face.

The crowd jumped to their feet, cheering for Harry and Gryffindor, holding their red banners and waving their flags in the air whilst Syltherin scowled and hid their faces in their hands.

"We need to go and see if he's alright!" Angelina panicked hearing Cho shriek, the girls got on their feet and hurried down the stairs, running out to Cedric who was now on his hands and knees on the grass, throwing up.

"Well, are you coming!?" Angelina asked George, holding out her hand.

George looked at you, he didn't want to leave you on your own and you knew it.

"Go," you reassured him "I'll be okay."

You watched Cedric gain the courage to speak, you tried to lip read but he was too far away for you to even make out a single word, but whatever he had said panicked the cheering girls and proud lads because now they were muttering, whispering and all appeared to be frightened and anxious, no longer in the mood to celebrate Harry's win.

Katie who didn't leave you behind shot a scowl at Fred who continued to stare at you, she moved closer to you whilst Angelina and George hurried back, horror across their faces.

"What's happened?" you panicked.

"It's Harry" George frowned "The cup, it was a portkey and he's gone, Cedric said-"

Angelina nudged George with her elbow, glaring at him and shaking her head "not now, George."

"No, what is it?" you demanded.

Just as George announced the news that the dark lord had returned, you felt major discomfort and a dull ache in your back and lower abdomen, along with the pressure that increased in your pelvic, you gripped onto your bump and winced.

"George!" you panicked "It's happening!"

The father of your baby watched as you went into labour, Katie and Angelina helped you to your feet as George hurried over to Madame Pomfrey, everyone around you started to panic and gave you all the room you needed to evacuate safely back into the hospital wing - the one place you didn't want to end up twice in one day.

Leaving you behind, George stared up at Fred who was sat as still as a statute, if you weren't going to tell him, George had to, he wouldn't allow his brother to miss the birth of his child.

George stumbled over to his brother and shook him angrily "I don't want to bloody argue but listen to me!"

"George, I told you-"

"You're the dad, alright!" George yelled, "She's having your baby, you need to get to the hospital wing now!"

"What are you on about?" Fred argued, not believing the word "are you seriously-"

"Think back to the party when you played truth or dare! Think for Merlin's sake!"

Fred shut his mouth and suddenly, his world began to spin so fast his heart could've stopped.

“I want you.” you breathed, pulling away from the kiss “I want you to fuck me like you do everyone else.”

“I want you too” Fred replied, taking your hand and fleeing from the party.

“Are you ready, Y/N?” Fred asked, pulling away from your breasts.

“Yes,” you breathed out, slurring slightly “I’m ready Freddie.”

The memories suddenly flashed before his eyes, the sight of your naked body beneath his, the two of you climaxing, Fred pulling out and falling into your arms, only to wake up the next morning in an empty bed that smelled of your hair and perfume. It reminded Fred that he had forgotten to put a condom on, George wasn't lying, he is the father of your child.

Fred's eye widened and he bolted from his brother, shoving everyone aside and sprinting for his life to the hospital wing, no one and nothing could stop him now.

The doors of the hospital wing swung open, laying in your bed, tears rolled down your face as the contractions worsened, Madame Pomfrey urging you to keep pushing. Fred pulls out a chair and sits beside you, holding your hand, comforting you, kissing your forehead and encouraging you.

You opened your mouth to speak: you wanted to say sorry, to tell him you loved him, you wanted to explain everything all at once, but you were unable to - the pain increasing, causing you to scream out, tears rolling down your face.

"Almost there Y/N, you're crowning!" Madame Pomfrey announced.

Fred planted another kiss on your sweaty forehead "keep pushing sweetheart," he said softly "you're doing so bloody well!"

Within a few moments, the sound of your babies cries rang out through the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey placed the baby in your arms, encouraging you to sit back and relax - but you couldn't you still had the urge to push.

"I need to push again, "you cried, gritting your teeth "I'm not done!"

Madame Pomfrey's mouth dropped, causing her to take the baby from your arms and handing the newborn to Fred.

"What's going on?" Fred panicked, gripping onto his child, already feeling the protectiveness kick in.

"There's another baby..."

"She's having twins?!"

Fred held the elder newborn in his arms whilst the younger and smaller newborn rested in yours, both of them just like their father; a full head of ginger hair.

"They're yours." you croaked, your. throat sore from all the screaming and crying.

Fred smiled, tears forming in his eyes as he rocked the baby in his arms "I know, they look just like me... their hairs..."

"I'm so sorry, Freddie, I didn't tell you because... because I didn't know what to do, you're my best friend and I've had feelings for you since the beginning and I felt as if you didn't feel the same, I thought that me forcing a child upon you would... would ruin what we had."

"Of course I feel the same," Fred replied "I just didn't know if you did."

The two of you went silent for a moment, the twins sleeping -  they were exhausted from being brought into the world earlier than expected.

"Do you still feel the same?" you asked Fred, staring into his pride-filled brown eyes.

He nodded "Yeah, do you?"

Everything you had ever wanted finally arrived, the children you were carrying - so eager and excited to meet, and the man of your dreams, finally on the same page as you - who had been in love with you for all this time.

You looked down at the baby in your arms and then back up at Fred, "I do too."

"Shall we have a fresh start?" Fred smiled "As parents and that."

You broke out into a light laugh and smiled "I'd like that, Freddie. I'd like that a lot."

There was another silence, it felt as if the world was sleeping.

"So, when can we make another one?" Fred winked.

"When we graduate from Hogwarts!-"

"Next year?" he raised an eyebrow.

"You didn't let me finish! We need to graduate, get stable jobs and have a house with enough room!"

"So next year then?" Fred smirked, still cradling the baby.

Your furrowed your brows, unsure whether or not he was bluffing.

"Okay then, since you're all confident, let's make a bet." You smirked back.

"If I win, we make another baby, if you win... we get married," Fred said softly as the baby opened his eyes and let out a cry.

"Alright," you agreed, taking your baby from Fred, trying to breastfeed "but what is your obsession with making another one?" you asked, "we've just had twins!"

Mr and Mrs Weasley were slowly approaching the hospital wing, George following not far behind.

"Yeah, which I've only just found out are mine!"

The hospital wing doors opened, Molly and Arthur standing in the doorway, staring at you, their son, and their grandchildren.

taglist: Taglist: @amourtentiaa @horrorxweasley @alwaysnforeverfangirl@reeophidian @inglourious-imagines @sebby-staan @onlyfreds@pandaxnienke @xmalfoyweasleyx @manuosorioh@cosmiccomicloverqueen @the-romanian-is-bae @fhhsposts@cavalinhox @purple-vodka-99 @simpforweasleys2@dracoismybabey @statellitespidey @xuminghaosworld @michael-loves-chickens @simpforweasleys2 @freddie-weaselbee @itsnottlilly

[purekesseltrash]

My Fic List

Whelp, decided I should do one of these.  I have mostly written for Hockey RPF and BNHA, as you have likely already seen!

My BNHA Fics

Bury Them Deep

- “Shouji Mezou's entire life has revolved around being a goalie and playing hockey since he was five years old. After being drafted in the third round in the NHL, Shouji has two more years of college before moving on to playing professional hockey like he's always wanted. Or at least like he always thought he wanted. An injury that ends his season throws him into a tailspin, forcing him to take a look at his life and how he is going to live it, especially after meeting his fascinating new goth history tutor.”

(This bad bitch is 81k total and is chock full of my red hot hockey takes and midwestern references.  I love it very much and it is a sweet baby.)

The Rooftop Necromancy series AKA my black metal band AU:

Downhill from Here 

- “ Hizashi just wants to tour the country with his best friends with their metal band in their shitty van like they've been planning for years. He'd successfully hidden his crush on one of them for years, after all, he would definitely be able to make this work and keep things fun and uncomplicated. Until Aizawa decided to start acting weird. “

(In which I take you all on a nostalgic trip to 2006-2008 metal culture and you can see the black metal love song that my dumb ass wrote.)

The Perfect Mistake

- “ It wasn't as though Hizashi had planned on breaking up with his boyfriend while they were on tour in a tiny cargo van with no room and no peace. He would have much rather preferred to do it when they were home and he could easily go and crawl back into his mom's basement. But he didn't have a choice. “

(As relationships tend to do, theirs goes through problems.)

Rooftop Necromancy

-"He���d even ended up leaning into the crowd when someone’s elbow had connected solidly with his nose and thrown him back. They’d gone quiet as Hizashi got himself up to his feet, ripped off his now bloody ‘Within Temptations’ tshirt from 2004, whipped his hair back from his face and screamed, “That’s what I’m FUCKING talking about.” into the mic.

They went wild for it, cheering as blood ran down his nose, past his mouth and dripped onto the stage, leaving him feeling like an otherworldly monster performing an occult ritual. Metal, he thought dazedly to himself, why in the fuck had he ever stopped doing metal."

(I hyperfocused so hard at the idea of Mic as a metal head that I wrote this in seven straight hours and WROTE THROUGH THE ATTEMPTED COUP ON DEMOCRACY WITHOUT KNOWING IT.  It’s a bit rough, but it’s got some good parts and it spawned the whole damn series.)

Hands Up

- "But of course he had, they had always been able to read each other and what they meant. That had often been their problem, if he was going to be honest."

(In which they figure their shit out.  Basically it was written when I was thinking alot about how my own mental health had evolved through the years.  It’s basically the story of two people who are both very good for each other and also very bad and how they deal with that.  It’s probably the most personally meaningful thing I’ve ever written.)

The other BNHA fics:

Waking Up With Ghosts

-"Hizashi opened his eyes to a world that belonged to ghosts. His headphones were gone and the gray, grimy world that he felt more than saw was muffled and still. This was bad, he hazily thought."

In which we follow Hizashi shortly after the events of 296. How he's found, how he finds out and how he has to tell.”

(I fished this one out of the garbage of my Google Docs because I’d written most of it and forgotten about it.  I dragged it out, prettied it up a little and threw it up on AO3.  It is by far my most well read BNHA fic, go figure.)

Leave Her Johnny

-”Captain Hizashi Yamada has combed the Seven Seas looking for the elusive smuggler Eraserhead. He has spent years searching for him, tracking his movements and trying to anticipate where he would be next. But he had never considered what would happen when he finally found him. “

(I wrote a paragraph of this and was immediately like ‘I MUST CREATE THIS’.  I take some chances writing wise in this as the whole thing is done in a Victorian Era ish style of writing.  But I think it’s effective and the ending is likely one of the best that I’ve ever managed.  I’m proud of it.)

Gold Rush

-”"That earned him a laugh and Mashirao’s smile made something in his chest ache, something that made him want to hurt. Why had he ever left?

“I’m really not,” Mashirao was saying but Shinsou just shook his head and kissed him once, twice and wished he could take the sunny afternoon and make it stay forever. Make it stay forever like Mashirao somehow had, while the neighborhood had adjusted without Hitoshi’s permission.

“You are,” he said, “And I love it.”

I love you, he should have said.  But as Mashirao’s eyes softened and the blonde pushed him back against the bed, Hitoshi knew he didn’t need to say it."

(You know how sometimes you listen to a Death Cab for Cutie song about gentrification over and over until a fic comes out?  Because that’s basically what happened here.)

Black Sun

‘"But then he remembered the way that Shouji had eaten the night after, one hand curled into his hair as he hung back in the corner. Shouji hid when something was wrong, like a wounded cat trying to find a dark place to either live or die and he was being released tomorrow. Now was the time to push or he’d find Shouji right back on his bed, staring at nothing."

Something happened to Shouji on the beach. Tokoyami is sure of it.‘

(Aaaaaand Death Cab for Cutie strikes again.  But heyo, my first published ShouToko and it is SOFTTTTT)

In the Far and Mighty West

Mic came closer and despite himself, Shouta could not find it in him to feel afraid. “You won’t understand, not really. I’ll try, though. I’m like Pecos Bill or Paul Bunyan or a jackalope or that fish that your friend caught that he swears he brought in but that you’ve never seen proof of. I’m the herd of dogies moving sweet and steady in the right direction, I’m no stragglers to worry about, I’m that perfect dog that’s there to keep them in line. I’m that group of good friends that you would kill for, I’m the woman who you’re dying to come home to, I’m that promised home of milk and honey. I’m Mic.”

Shouta stared at him dazedly and licked his lips, feeling drunk and stupid as he stared at the man. “You’re… magic?”

“I suppose you could call me that.”

(Cowboy!Erasermic.  Inspired heavily by American Gods and my own love of folk heroes.)

In Your Violence

- “'Mezou frowned, eyes narrowing. “Are you trying to say that you’re scared that I’ll be killed by having faith in you?”

“It would be in your best interest to stay away from me,” Fumikage finally said, his voice falling flat and quiet. “I am destined to be a monster.”

'Mezou gets the call he fears, the one that says that Fumikage has lost control again. But this time it's different, in more ways than one.”

(I listened to Silence by Marshmello until I went insane in this is the result.  Featuring some of my super depressing headcanons about Shouji!  But it’s not awful.)

My hockey fics that I still like:

Hufflepuff Halfwit  

- ““Zhenya, the wind is coming from the west, I will not remind you again. You shut that window before the house stinks of factories!” She snapped and Geno stared at the owl as though maybe it would know what to do. But instead, it had given a little hoot and wiggled inside, only to drop it’s letter on the counter.

He turned his head very slowly back to look at his mother, who had suddenly gone very quiet. “It… just showed up, Mama. And um. It brought a letter.” He waited again, looked back at the owl who had begun to nose at the pirozhkis in interest and then looked back at his mother with the best puppy dog eyes he had ever attempted. “Can I keep it?”

(This is a part of my hockey/Harry Potter au that still legitimately haunts my dreams.  It’s basically a Sid/Geno in Hogwarts but I really love the world building I got to do with Koldovstoretz, the Russian school of wizardry.  Don’t read ‘On the Word of a Slytherin’ though, I’m not as proud of that one.)

The Prince  

- “What the fuck.” Matt breathed out, sitting back heavily onto his hotel bed as he stared at his phone.

‘This is Henrik.’ The text read. ‘I would like to meet you. I will book a room in Pittsburgh at your convenience. Let me know what time will work for you.’  - 

(Listen, it’s Henrik Lundqvist/Matt Murray smut, I feel like that is novel and interesting and worth your attention.  I wax poetic on goalies in this, as you do.)

The Zoo of Toronto 

- “No one missed it when a massive porcupine had shuffled in between the reporters with a single minded focus, pushing media away until it was able to grip onto Phil’s suit pants and try to pull itself up. He hadn’t been able to do more then besides pick the animal up before it could shred his pants to shreds and walk out of the locker room before the decision had been made with the Toronto media.

Phil Kessel was guilty.” 

(Not gonna lie, this is probably my favorite of the hockey fics I’ve written.  And it’s Phil/Carl, which is never found anymore but it was a good pairing.)

[homeformyheart]

the antidote - m!raleigh carrera x mc (plat)

author’s note: follow-up to “hopeless.” i hope you enjoy!

copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. songs and lyrics owned by their respective creators. series/pairing: platinum – m!raleigh carrera x mc (cadence dorian) rating/warnings: 18+; swearing and smut; ns*w parts between the 🔥⚡ and ❄💧 icons word count: 2.9k based on/prompt: “love in the dark” by adele / “golden” by harry styles summary: cadence realizes raleigh stopped by her apartment late at night and decides to patch things up.

the antidote

raleigh lifted his head from his hands and winced at the pain in his neck. he slowly started massaging the side of his neck and glanced at his phone. it was almost midnight and he was almost positive that cadence wouldn’t still be out. maybe she went to matt’s instead. was she living with him? shit, he didn’t even stop to consider that she might not even live in this apartment anymore. maybe it really was hopeless. he rubbed his eyes and stood up to leave.

by the time he got back to his apartment, it was almost 1am. stupid late night construction on the bridge turned a 20 minute car ride into 40 and even though he really should just go to bed, he was going to polish off that bottle of mezcal he started and indulge (although some would call it torture) himself. he set his phone to cast to his tv and hit play on cadence’s video album. just for a moment, he wanted to pretend she was singing for him.

he made himself comfortable on the couch with his half-finished bottle of mezcal as his surround-sound speakers reverberated softly with cadence’s soulful voice; it was as though his home speaker set-up was tuned just for her. he poured himself a glass only to quickly drain it, so he poured himself another.

i can’t love you in the dark it feels like we’re oceans apart

ironically, or maybe not so ironically, raleigh was sitting in the dark, looking up at cadence’s beautiful, crying face on his enormous tv. god, she even somehow made crying look beautiful. for some reason, this song in particular hit closest to home for him. in a way, cadence was finally acknowledging that he was always dragging her down into his dark, self-destructive headspace and she needed more, she needed to be in the light so she could live the life she was meant for.

at the end of the song, raleigh switched off the tv and pulled up his recording app. he had been working on a song for months and had the track laid out but couldn’t seem to get the lyrics right. he grabbed his guitar from the other end of the couch and played a few warm-up chords. he really shouldn’t try to sing or record anything while drunk, but he’d deal with the mess in the morning.

as the opening track played in the background, he closed his eyes and recalled his favorite memory. they were sleeping in, with cadence using his arm as a pillow. the sun was starting to rise and beam through his penthouse windows, and raleigh shifted carefully onto his side so he could use cadence’s head to block out the sunlight hitting him directly in the face. as he was closing his eyes to sleep a little more, he noticed that the sun was leaving a golden hue around her head and body, making it seem like she was glowing.

cadence sighed and looked at her phone. it was almost midnight. he was probably out clubbing and hooking up with a model or something and cadence knew if she stayed here all night she would regret it. maybe she read him wrong. maybe he only wanted to know if she loved matt because he was angry she didn’t give him a heads up and not because he still had feelings for her. she requested a dryve before putting her shoes back on and heading back downstairs.

she raised her head tiredly when the driver stopped at her apartment and dragged her aching feet to the elevator and down the hallway to her unit. she stopped in front of her door, puzzled at the crumpled piece of clothing on the floor before picking it up. she held it up in front of her and recognized it as the maroon suit jacket raleigh was wearing earlier that evening. cadence smiled to herself as she changed out of her gown and let her hair down. maybe it wasn’t hopeless after all.

* * * * * raleigh groaned at the pinging noise from his phone indicating he was getting text messages. why didn’t he put his phone on silent? he reached over and was confused when his hand landed on pure air instead of his mattress or nightstand. he cracked an eye open and realized he fell asleep on the couch, which he was going to pay for later. raleigh sat up and stretched before grabbing his phone off the floor and opening his messages.

whatever hungover state he was in disappeared when he realized they were all from cadence.

cadence: [i assume this was a gift for me, but it doesn’t quite go with my dress]

she sent him a selfie of her wearing his jacket over her gold dress from last night. which meant she eventually did make it home. and that he left his jacket at her apartment like an idiot.

cadence: [actually, i think it looks better like this, but it’s a bit big don’t you think?]

his eyes widened when he saw the last message she sent, which was just a selfie of her wearing the jacket without a shirt underneath. she blocked out her face and the picture only showed the top half of her body, but it was enough to send blood rushing south and raleigh groaned again, rubbing his hands over his tired face. he was not sober enough to process this.

a knock on the door made his stomach suddenly drop with anxiety. he stood up and dragged his feet to the door, not bothering to check who it might be before opening it, only to have his jaw drop in surprise to see cadence. and of course, she looked absolutely perfect in a yellow romper, her long hair pulled back into a loose ponytail with wisps of hair framing her nervous face.

“hi,” she said, licking her lips nervously.

“hey,” was all raleigh could get out as he blinked rapidly to wake himself up.

“can i come in?” he nodded and stepped away from the door.

cadence followed and set her bag down before handing him an iced coffee and the breakfast burrito she grabbed on her way over. he looked at her quizzically but didn’t hesitate to start scarfing down the food.

“i figured you might be hungover and we didn’t get a chance to finish our conversation last night,” cadence said, shrugging nonchalantly to hide how nervous she was.

raleigh took a long sip of his coffee before answering, “how did you figure that?”

“because i know you, raleigh. even if you like to act like i don’t. also, clearly you came by my apartment last night given you left this there,” she said, taking out his jacket from her bag and folding it neatly on the kitchen table.

raleigh looked away and finished off his breakfast. “a crazy fan could’ve taken it from me while i was out last night and left it at your place,” he said, shrugging. he looked over at cadence with a smirk and chuckled at the same time she giggled at how ridiculous he sounded.

“so you were at my apartment while i was at yours,” cadence said. she waited a beat for it to click for raleigh; once she noticed the shift in his eyes and brow, she continued, “so, let’s talk.”

“you’re the one who didn’t answer my question,” raleigh pouted. he was not going to make this easy for her, hungover state or not.

cadence folded her hands in her lap. “okay… let’s talk about the real reason you didn’t want our relationship to be public.”

raleigh stopped drinking his coffee mid-sip. “you know the reason. i was trying to protect you – your reputation, your career – from being associated with me.”

“okay, let’s agree that is one reason, but i know there are other, more significant ones, raleigh,” cadence said, a little bit annoyed. “i have a whole team whose job it is to worry about my career and reputation; i didn’t need you to worry about that too, and you know it. so be honest with me for once.”

raleigh looked away from cadence and out at his living room, which illustrated how much of a mess he was last night, with his guitar sitting on the coffee table next to the empty bottle of mezcal and his clothes from last night strewn all over the floor.

“okay, i guess i’ll just tell you what i think until you’re ready to talk. i think you were afraid of getting hurt,” cadence started hesitantly. raleigh turned back to look at her and looked as though he was genuinely considering her words, giving her the courage to continue. “for some reason, you think you don’t deserve me, and instead of working to prove to me that you do, you decided, by yourself without consulting me, that some day i might realize i deserve better than you. and the thought of losing me scared you, so instead you protected yourself by hiding our relationship.”

“that doesn’t sound like me,” raleigh said, with a sharp edge to his voice. how dare she try to psycho-analyze him? but he knew, deep down, that she was right. he felt vulnerable and terrified and unprepared for the damage she could do to him if he let himself fall for her. so he kept her at a distance.

“i wouldn’t be so sure,” cadence said slyly, pulling out her phone and pressing play.

a familiar track started playing and raleigh’s eyes widened in panic.

“cadence, i miss you so much, baby,” raleigh heard his drunken self croon out and cringed. when and why the fuck had he sent this to cadence?

i know you were way too bright for me i'm hopeless, broken

raleigh buried his face in his hands. if it was possible to die of embarrassment, this would be his moment. he had finished the song drunkenly last night and thought he was merely recording it for himself, but he must’ve sent her a voice recording instead.

he didn’t think it was possible for cadence to get even cuter, but there she was, perched on his kitchen counter singing along with a grin so wide that his own face hurt from looking at her.

“when it ends, don’t wanna let you know,” cadence sang softly, “i don’t wanna be alone.” she leaned over and nudged raleigh’s elbow off the counter and gave him an adoring look.

he sighed before clearing his throat to sing along. “i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known,” he crooned, “loving you’s the antidote.”

the brilliant smile on her face almost made his humiliation worth it. almost. cadence put her phone back on silent and her eyes softened as she looked at him.

“raleigh – is that how you really felt?” raleigh could only nod sheepishly. “you do know i feel the same way?”

“what?”

cadence rolled her eyes. “come on, you’re raleigh carrera. thousands, if not tens of thousands, of fans would love to be with you and everyone always wonders why you’re with me, the boring, goody-two-shoes, pop star. i know what all the tabloids and your fans say, they all feel like you can do better.” cadence looked down at her lap, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “and they’re probably right.”

raleigh looked at her dumbfounded. surely, she wasn’t serious? did she really have no clue that she was the one who brings light to his life? and without it, he’d just drown in his own drunken stupor. he stood up abruptly, startling cadence slightly with the sound of the scraping chair as he walked around the kitchen table to her side of the kitchen counter.

“you have no idea what you do to me, do you cadence dorian?” he murmured, tilting his face upward so cadence could stare into his gorgeous eyes. “you are everything that is good, and light, and real in my life and i don’t deserve you.”

“well, maybe we deserve each other,” she retorted, amused.

raleigh smirked. “does that mean you don’t love matt?”

cadence rolled her eyes and wiggled her left hand in front of his face. “it was all publicity, baby. and maybe a little payback to get your attention.”

his eyes narrowed. “are you fucking kidding me?”

“you couldn’t stand to be in the same room with me, raleigh. it was actually matt’s idea and it worked, didn’t it? you were finally honest with me,” cadence said, pointedly. “you should be flattered, really.”

raleigh couldn’t help but fail at holding his smirk and broke out into a grin. “i love you.”

cadence felt her eyes get misty. “i love you too, raleigh. so much,” she leaned in and he met her halfway in a searing kiss full of longing, desire, and love.

🔥⚡🔥⚡

he stepped closer, nudging cadence’s knees apart so he could pull her flush against him. his hands ran up and down her back, settling on her thighs as he kissed her relentlessly, swallowing any sighs, gasps, or breaths she tried to take as he bit her lip, kissed her neck, sucked on her collarbone, and moved back up to her lips again.

“raleigh, please, i need more,” cadence gasped as his hands squeezed her butt. she tried to ground herself on his broad shoulders but his bare skin beneath her fingers felt as hot as she did at her core. raleigh let out a low growl and pulled back just far enough away so he could balance before he lifted her up off the counter.

he continued kissing her collarbone as he walked over to his bedroom, laying her gently down on the comforter. he massaged her breasts with one hand while searching for a zipper or way to take off her romper with the other.

“what the fuck is with this dress?” he said between kisses. “it is not giving me access to you.”

cadence laughed, that sweet, ringing laugh he missed so much. “it’s a romper, raleigh. you take it off all at once,” she said, doing her best to look seductively at him while untying the halter strap and lowering the zipper so he could pull the romper off her and throw it on the floor, followed by his sweatpants.

“don’t wear that stupid thing again,” he growled as he buried his head between her legs. cadence gasped at the sudden feel of raleigh’s tongue on her clit and fingers against her core, stoking the fire she felt before.

“i won’t, god, raleigh, that feels so good—i need you, now,” she whimpered, reaching down to grab his face and pull him up to her.

raleigh groaned and lined himself up at her entrance. he leaned down to kiss her deeply and watch with satisfaction at her face as he pinched her nipples and reached down to grab her ass. cadence impatiently locked her legs behind his and pulled him toward her, sighing with satisfaction once he was fully inside her.

“you feel so good, cadence,” raleigh growled, nipping at her bottom lip as he started thrusting slowly.

cadence lightly scratched his back up and down before settling her hands on his ass and grabbing them firmly. “faster, raleigh. please,” she didn’t care that she was begging, only that she wanted more of him.

raleigh started moving at an almost punishing pace, but cadence matched him thrust for thrust until she couldn’t take it anymore. she didn’t know where she ended and raleigh began. he filled all her senses - his touch, his kisses, until she couldn’t think of anything but him. she cried out his name as the pressure became almost unbearable and raleigh watched with awe at how radiant she looked coming apart in his arms. it didn’t take long before he followed suit, grunting her name and collapsing on top of her.

❄💧❄💧

“i love you,” cadence whispered, as raleigh slid off her and pulled her in to his side.

raleigh leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead. “i love you, too. i don’t know about you but i really need a nap. i stayed out really late last night waiting at my girlfriend’s apartment but she was a no-show.”

cadence let herself quietly internalize his words. “are you sure you’re ready? we’re going to do this together?”

he nodded. “i don’t want to be without you anymore. i can’t be without you, cadence.”

cadence hummed and curled her body into him even closer. “good. i’ll be your antidote.”

“you’re never going to let that go, are you?” he said, but without any real snark in his tone.

“nope, you’re stuck with me, raleigh carrera,” cadence murmured sleepily as raleigh pulled up the comforter to cover her shoulders.

he would take however long she was wiling to stick with him, because there was no doubt in his mind, he was head over heels in love with her. he looked down at cadence’s sleeping form, and for the first time in a long while, felt completely relaxed and content. as he felt his body slip into sleep, his last thought was about how much he was looking forward to waking up with light.

* * * * * mentions: @dulceghernandez; @thegreentwin; @kat-tia801; @the-unconquered-queen; @otherworldlypresents; @brycesgirl; @robintora;

[let-me-write-shit]

Like We Used To: 4

A/N: Hey guys! This story will continue if there’s demand for it, so let me know what you think so far! Love it? Hate it? Suggestions? Theories? Let’s talk! Your messages and feedback are super helpful and very much appreciated. 

[ONE] [TWO] [THREE]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER FOUR

Elizabeth felt a soft tickle on the bridge of her nose that forced her out of a deep sleep, making her aware of the depression in the bed beside her. Her eyes fluttered open and grinned when she saw Kate’s hazel eyes inches from hers.

“What time is it?” Elizabeth croaked, stretching her arms above her head.

“Almost nine,” Kate propped her head up in her hand with her elbow on the pillow “How was your night?”

Elizabeth eyed her best friend before snorting, knowing Kate all too well, “Go on, then. What do you really want to ask me?”

That was all Kate needed to hear, however, and she bolted up eagerly, “Lewis and I heard you and Harry talking last night. Well...we didn’t hear you, but we tried. Are you guys good now?”

Elizabeth smiled wider, partly amused with her best friend, but also relieved that her and Harry were able to talk last night and clear the air without everyone prying. She still felt slightly uneasy about being around him after so long, but comfortable enough to start being herself again.

“Yeah,” Elizabeth said, “We’re good.”

Kate stared at her for a second before asking, “So...did you kiss?”

“What?” Elizabeth shot up, eyes widened, “No we did not kiss. What’s with you?”

Kate scrunched her nose, “Dang it. Lewis and I were hoping you did. Uh...for the sake of the bet, of course.” she stammered. “Anyway. Come on down and keep me company. Heather and Lewis are making brunch for everyone. JJ and Owen went out for a run and everyone else is still sleeping.”

“Let me get this straight. You woke me up to ask me if I kissed Harry, but you let everyone else sleep in?”

“Exactly!” Kate beamed, kissing her friend’s cheek, “See ya down there!” she sang, jumping off the bed and traipsing out of the room.

Elizabeth shook her head and rubbed her eyes, slipping out of bed and into the bathroom. While brushing her teeth and running her fingers through her hair she couldn’t help but wonder how things were going to go today. Was it still going to be awkward around Harry? What about when this weekend was over? Will he hurt her again? Had her being emotional during their talk last night scared him off for good? Then again, he seemed to get pretty emotional too. 

She splashed her face with cold water and decided against changing her clothes just yet and headed to the hallway. As she reached the landing she noticed Harry rounding the steps that led to his room, making his way down as well. 

“Good morning,” Harry’s raspy voice sounded, tousling his disheveled hair while smiling at Elizabeth and catching up to her. His eyes were not all the way awake yet and his clothes were wrinkled from his sleep. 

“Morning!” She smiled back as they descended the steps together, following the smell of sausages to the large eat-in kitchen.

Harry took a deep breath and looked over towards Heather and Lewis who were at the kitchen island preparing sliced oranges and whipping up raw eggs. “Smells amazing!” He called over to them, “Need any help with the food?”

Lewis looked up at the sound of Harry’s voice, “Oh, good morning! Nah, mate, we’re alright with the food. But if you don’t mind bringing some plates to Kate on the back patio and grabbing yourself something to drink that would be helpful!”

Harry and Elizabeth nodded at each other and headed towards the cupboard. When Harry grabbed a bunch of plates she put a hand on his back. “What do you reckon? Coffee or tea?”

“Coffee, please.” 

She watched as he shuffled past her, plates in hand, towards the patio. Once he was outside she grabbed some mugs and set to work, relieved that it hadn’t felt awkward yet. So far so good.

When Elizabeth joined Kate and Harry at the large picnic bench on the patio they were in the middle of a conversation about the wedding speeches and something funny her dad said. Harry had thanked Elizabeth for the coffee and the three of them carried on conversing until Kate went inside to grab some cutlery and to see if her sister needed any more help. For a split second Elizabeth worried that it would start to get awkward with just the two of them, but she was instantly proved wrong as her and Harry continued talking about how creepy their rooms were at night and how excited they were for the lake and the BBQ later.

They were going on about the amount of food they planned on consuming when the sliding glass doors screeched open and Matt clambered out, yawning and plopping on the bench opposite of them.

“Alright, big shot. I need to warn you,” Matt joked, his playful and tired eyes looking at Harry, “I know back in the day you were Lizzy’s ‘defender’ or whatever. But since you decided to be all famous, the role was filled by the big guns here!” He finished, slapping his biceps hidden under his white long sleeve shirt.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, snorted, and looked over to Harry as he gave an amused chuckle and said, “I certainly did not mean to step on any toes.”

Matt nodded, graciously, “It’s fine, mate. Just don’t let me catch you doing any funny business.”

Harry laughed and turned to Elizabeth, “Heard that, Lizzy? We just can’t let him catch us.”

“So we shouldn’t tell him about our plans to meet at the docks tonight when everyone goes to sleep?” Elizabeth whispered, seriously, before cracking a smile. Both boys laughed.

Eventually everyone was up and on the patio eating breakfast together. Conversations were light and at some point, when everyone had finished eating, Heather had surprised them by bringing out an old picture book full of pictures from their time in junior and senior high. Everyone crowded around and gawked at how young they looked, sharing memories with their college friends about the story behind certain photos. Everyone started feeling nostalgic. Harry, more than most. He had even asked Heather if she could make copies of some of the pictures for him. She agreed.

Once the dishes were put away Heather and Owen decided to head to the market to grab some food for the barbecue while the rest of them got in their bathing suits to go in the lake. Elizabeth slipped into her white bandage-top bikini with tiny little flowers on it, pulled her hair into a messy ponytail, grabbed some sunnies and bounded for the door. On her way out she ran into Matt who had put on his swim trunks and was heading out, too. 

“Need a ride, m’lady?” He feigned an posh, old English accent and squatted down to offer her a piggyback ride.

“Don’t mind if I do!” giggled Elizabeth, jumping on.

On the way down to the dock Matt was trying to make her laugh by trotting like a horse, spinning her around, and weaving in and out of stray dandelions that scattered the yard causing Elizabeth to flop around on his back. She noticed everyone was already down there, blowing up the last of the inner tubes. Elizabeth’s laughter must have been loud enough to catch Celeste’s attention because she looked over and pointed up at them mumbling something that caused everyone else to look in their direction, amused.

“Be careful, Lizzy!” Kate called with slight sarcasm in her voice, “Matt’s only trying to make you laugh so he can sucker you in to kissing him!”

“You’re only saying that because you bet against them kissing this weekend,” Daisy retorted.

“Yeah, Kate. Don’t cock block” Matt smirked when he reached them, bending down so Elizabeth could jump off.

Elizabeth smacked Matt’s arm, “Stop buttering me up, weirdo. I’m not that easy.”

They all laughed and Elizabeth turned towards Harry who handed her an inflated inner tube. She took it with a grateful smile and then choked, eyes widening slightly and cheeks going red. She’s seen recent pictures of Harry with his shirt off, but his abs were much more prominent in person. She could now clearly see the detail in each one of his tattoos, and he had obviously been on a sunny vacation recently because he had a perfect sun-kissed tan which caused a very visible tan line at the band of his swimming trunks.

“You alright?” Harry smirked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Oh, yeah!” She shook her head, snapping back to reality just as Lewis shouted for everyone to jump in the lake.

There were yelps and hollers when everyone dove in. Even though the sun was shining and the weather was fairly warm, the water was freezing. 

“Fuck!” Jimmy cried, shaking the water off his face.

“Who’s stupid idea was it to go swimming in September?” Daisy spat, clutching onto her float and shivering. “Fuck this, I’m going to tan.”

“Yeah, I’m out,” Jimmy followed Daisy towards the patch of grass in between the lake and the patio.

The water stung at first, but after a few seconds Elizabeth could hardly notice. She looked over at Harry who was closest to her and paddled over, dragging  her float with her. She saw goosebumps on his arms and, as he climbed on to his inner tube, noticed his nipples were hard.  She blinked, forcing herself to snap out of it again.

“You’re not gonna bitch out, are you?” Elizabeth teased.

Harry finally managed to flip into his inner tube and with a lopsided smile said, “I never back down from a challenge”

“Oh, is that so?” She smirked, grabbing the bottom of his float and flipping it over. Harry’s arms flailed and he emitted a yelp as he smacked the water.

When he resurfaced, Harry did his best imitation of astonishment  before he thrust a tidal wave amount of water at her. This was the start of a war as Matt, Edward, Celeste, Lewis, and Kate all joined in. Someone was smart enough to bring a disposable camera because Daisy began taking pictures. The friends managed to get a few games of Marco Polo, Chicken, and Human Ring Toss before people started getting out.

After a while Lewis climbed out onto the docks and headed up towards Owen, who was back from the market with Heather, and helped him grill up some food for the barbecue. This made Elizabeth and Harry the last two in the water. Elizabeth rested her head back onto the edge of her inner tube and let the sun beam down on her face and chest, lightly kicking her toes in and out of the water. The sun wasn’t as harsh as it was earlier. If she had to guess, it was probably a little after 3 PM.

Her body jerked and felt her inner tube collide with something. She looked up to see that Harry had pulled her float closer to his and he held onto the handle of her float so she wouldn’t drift away. She saw his eyes linger in the direction of their friends that were spread across the lawn and then back to her. 

“I needed this,” he admitted.

Elizabeth nodded, understandingly, “I bet. Is it hard? Doing what you do?”

“It can be,” he shrugged, looking up at the sky. Water seeped onto his stomach and gathered at the fold of his belly button. “I love what I do, but the long hours and travel can sometimes be too much. Luckily I have a little more control over that now.”

Elizabeth paused for a second, and  then with genuinity she said, “I’m happy for you, Harry.”

Harry smiled affectionately at her and took her hand in his, squeezing it and caressing her knuckles with his thumb. The gesture was meant to say thanks, but he never let go. Elizabeth’s heart started to flutter.

Just as Harry was about to say something, an exasperated, “Oh, for fucks sake!” echoed. Harry and Elizabeth shot their attention over to the yard just in time to see Celeste grabbing Edward by the cheeks and smashing her lips onto his.

“Yes!” Yelled Jimmy and Daisy, high-fiving each other now that they were one step closer to winning the bet. 

Edward smirked over towards Jimmy and everyone laughed as she walked away grumbling, “Add this to the list of things that no one is allowed to mention again.”

Harry looked over at Elizabeth who was chuckling to herself in amusement. “You weren’t kidding when you said everyone was different now,” He said, grabbing her attention. “Celeste? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her show interest in anyone. She was always all about studying.”

Elizabeth nodded knowingly, “That changed when we met Edward in college. She became a lot more adventurous. The two of them like to act like they’re just friends, but we all know there’s something more there. I think they hooked up a lot more than they’ve admitted. I’ve caught them in some pretty suspicious situations.”

“Wow, good for her.” Harry pursed her lips, impressed, “ So, first it’s Kate and Lewis, then Celeste and Edward. What’s next? You and Matt?”

“Me and Matt?” Elizabeth snorted, propping her head up higher to get a better look at him. 

“Yeah,” Harry continued cooly, looking out onto the lake again, “You said you’ve kissed before. I never would have guessed that would happen, so I clearly don’t know you all as well as I thought I did. Like you said, a lot has changed, so I don’t much know about your love lives. Do you and him have some sort of secret love thing going on like Celeste and Edward do?”

Elizabeth searched his face to see if there was any flicker of emotion; a hint of him teasing, indifference, maybe even jealousy. It was hard to tell through his sunglasses. “No,” she relaxed back into her float, “That was a one-time-only thing.”

“Got it,” Harry shrugged, a slight hint of satisfaction in his voice. They sat there in silence.

“Hey!” Jimmy called from the edge of the docks, Kate beside him holding some towels, “If you two aren’t gonna kiss to help me win this bet, then do you mind coming out? The food is ready.”

Elizabeth blushed and looked over at Harry who’s cheeks went slightly pink. But that could have just been the sun. They both seemed to realize at the same time that they were still holding hands, so they quickly let go of each other.

“Coming!” Harry raised his hand with his head tilted down, to hide his embarrassed smirk.

Harry reached the dock seconds before Elizabeth and she watched as he lifted himself out of the water. The muscles on his shoulders and biceps tensed and water slowly dripped down his back. Once he was up he turned and offered a hand to Elizabeth, helping her out with a smile before taking his towel from Kate and heading up the lawn with Jimmy. 

Elizabeth sheepishly wrapped her towel around her body and whispered, “Shut it,” feeling Kate’s suggesting gaze.

“I’m just saying,” Kate said, walking slowly up the hill with her best friend, “there were sparks between you two in high school and I’m seeing sparks now.”

Elizabeth groaned, defensively, “Okay. I will admit that I might have had a crush on him back then. Do I find him attractive? Sure. Along with everyone else on the planet. But whatever this thing we have...friendship, or whatever...it’s not going anywhere. It didn’t happen back then, and it definitely won’t happen now. There’s too much history.”

Kate beamed excitedly, “I can’t believe after twelve years I finally got you to admit that you like him.”

“Liked,” Elizabeth corrected.

Kate rolled her eyes, “Yeah, whatever. We’ll see.”

When they reached the table Elizabeth grabbed a seat next to Matt and everyone began shoveling food onto their plates. Halfway through eating, Daisy had mentioned that she brought ‘Spill It’ and wanted to play after they finished cleaning up.

“What’s ‘Spill It’?” Harry swallowed his food.

“It’s a drinking game we made in college,” Owen informed, “It’s like a mashup of all those stupid teenage games like Truth or Dare and Never Have I ever. Stuff like that.”

“Except we made the cards, so it can get super raunchy,” Celeste warned.

This should be fun.

Keep Reading

[venii-vidii-vicii]

Thoughts on The Final Cut

TLDR; It was more like the final disappointment

So I played through the Final Cut and let's first address the elephant in the room...

The voice acting.

Yes, it was better before the Final Cut.

The voice acting changes were just terrible. I saw most people say the worse ones were Garte, Jean, and Cuno. Personally I was alright with Garte but I thought Jean was great! Cuno tho... Cuno was meh. I did not like him as much as the original VA

Being a Hardie Boy fan tho I was excited to see what they did with my boys! Let me tell you, the horror on my face when I first heard Titus's voice was unimaginable. Yes, it's deep... It's sexy. But I don't care about that. The voice just did not suit him. Titus is loud and rowdy and charming. Matt from Chapo trap house did a perfect job giving him those characterstics with his voice. Titus's new voice is just flat, slow, and boring. It does not strike me as a leader character voice.

You can disagree but I'll still think you're wrong lol.

I'm so thankful that the other Hardies have great VAs! Shanky's new VA suits him way better! He actually sounds like a fucking rat. And Eugene. Baby... Lovely Eugene. I love his VA even tho it's not what I expected it to be.

AND GLEN!!! GLEN'S VA WAS PERFECT! He sounds exactly like what a dumb fucking himbo would sound like! I love his VA so much thank you @/KeyboardKhan for doing my boy justice 🥺💜 (also Glen's VA is a singer so you know Glen passes every karaoke check ��😌)

I think his accent is adorable. The little turning "the" to "da" makes the way he says words hilarious to me "she wouldn't do dat" GOD! I love it.

Anyway, me fanboying about Glen aside...

Political quests... They're alright. Nothing memorable like the Phasmid. Played the communists quest. I liked it.

We also got new achievements!

I worked so hard for 2 days straight to get this stupid fucking Hardie achievement

Was it worth the pain and suffering in the end? It wasn't. If anything I was so disappointed and hurt by how you get this achievement. It's not even new content. :/ But whatever. Congrats to me I guess, being one of the 0.1% of people with this Achievement now.

Next up...

The final cut is so unbelievably buggy. I'm sure we all noticed that. The game is buggy af. There are a few harmless bugs like the cursor turning into the hand icon.

But the bugs that really pissed me off were the ones that got stuck in scenes. Ex: I got stuck in the church after helping Soona with her project cuz the scene wouldn't move on from the church shaking. That happened a few times and I was lucky I saved beforehand and didn't lose a lot of progress. Also happened to me with Ruby and during the Tribunal.

Also walking sometimes just doesn't work. I never even knew you could use the keyboard to move until one day Harry just wouldn't respond to mouse clicks at all so I had to use the keyboard to walk.

But the good news is they're rolling out patches to fix these bugs.

So in conclusion, was the final cut great?

I mean... It's alright. It's nothing grand. I'm glad they give you the option to play classic DE so you can turn off VA if you don't like it. And I'm sure the bugs will get patched so... Yeah. It wasn't what I hoped it would be but I can't fault ZA/UM for my own expectations. I appreciate what they did. Really. They're dedicated and it was great they even managed to do something like full voice acting during the pandemic.

The game is still great and I still love it!!

The good side is replaying the game reminded me how much I love the Hardie Boys. Ugh, those dumb fucks. I adore them. Aside from T, I think the VAs for all the other Hardies managed to make me fall even more in love with them. So much so I had to tell Glen's VA how much I love his performance. After a year of hyperfixating on these bunch, I really didn't expect I could love them more but here I am lol.

[certainglitterhologram]

Lysander Scamander and Lily Potter II

I have a feeling that growing up, Lily and Lysander were best friends. Lorcan was super, super, SUPER close friends with Lily, and obviously Lysander, since they are twins, (trust me on this,), but Lily and Lysander just shared a bond the tiniest bit stronger. 

Lily being an adventure seeking, adrenaline junky, while was Lysander, also adventure loving, but with limits. He knew his boundries and where to draw the line, but struggled to show that line to Lily, who would just jumped into every tree, every river, wanting to ride the hippogriff that she found in the woods behind the Scamander’s house. 

Lysander putting his head into his hands each time, saying “Lily. It’s dangerous. It could bite you, you could fall off, it could have rabies, fleas or something even worse. “

Lily rolling her eyes and attempting to do it anyway, running up to the hippogriff and almost getting trampled to death. Like Scorpius’ dad, but actually life threatening. 

After getting her out of there, Lysander smirked at her and said, “Don’t really wanna say I told you so, but....... *Pause* Oh who am I kidding, of course I do. Never tell me I’m wrong Lily, and expect to succeed in whatever dumb thing you’re doing. Lily just scoffing and said “I’m Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley’s daughter. The only reason I almost got trampled was obviously because the hippogriff sensed you behind that tree.”

Lysander, used to these egotistical comments, says “Oh yes, how could  I be so stupid. It’s not like I’m the great-grandson of Newt Scamander, or anything. And the situation we are talking about involves a damn hippogriff. “

 On the Hogwarts Express, Lily, Hugo, Lysander and Lorcan in the same compartment and a tall, lanky dark haired boy comes in. He introduced himself as Matthew Corner, and Lysander, being the best with people, gets up and politely introduces himself, and introduced the others.

Matt is immediately liked by everyone in the compartment, and they form their own little quintet, bonding over candy and pranks in the compartment. 

When Albus and James come in to check on Lily, she just giggles and waves, before redirecting her attention to Lorcan, who had eaten one of those cool sweets that make you grow features of an animal, that Hugo had brought on the train.

The Sorting Ceremony went as expected, really.

Matthew, was one of the first, and had barely sat on the stool, before the hat shouted “RAVENCLAW”

Hugo went next. He was on the stool for a long time with that hat on his head. Not enough to be a hat stall, but just enough to be notably long, before the hat yelled “HU-GRYFFINDOR!”

When Lily was called, she sashayed up to the stool, with an overwhelming amount of confidence, and James yelled “YES, LILS! WHOO!”. The hat suprisingly sat there for a while, debating between Slytherin and Gryffindor, before ultimately deciding on Gryffindor. 

Lysander had a feeling of dread at that moment. He did have seperation anxiety from Lorcan, just a mild case, but enough to make him dread the thought of them being in different houses. He hadn’t thought of it until that moment, becuase Lorcan and him were so alike. He ruled out that thought, and focused on relaxing himself

Lorcan jumped on the stool and only had a couple seconds of deliberation, before ��“HUFFLEPUFF!”

Lysander knew even before going up there, that there was no way he would be in Hufflepuff. He wasn’t exactly the definition of hardworking. Not that he wasn’t, no, he just had a tendency to quit things that no longer interested him, rather than working throught it.

When his name was called, he was immediately sorted into Ravenclaw. He knew he should feel proud, as he was taking after his mother, and had one of his closest friends with him, Matthew, but being away from his twin, best friend and other close friend, was paining him. But Lysander was known to almost always be happy, so shut these feelings down, sucked it up and got used to it. Eventually, he found that it wasn’t that bad, and that Lily and him were still best friends, and Lorcan was still his right hand man. And vice versa.

In their second year, Lily tried out for the Gryffindor quidditch team, and made it, as their Seeker. A few weeks into the season, it was Lily’s third match, Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff and literal miliseconds after Lily caught the snitch and secured the win for Gryffindor, in a rage, one of the Hufflepuff beaters bat a bludger straight at the back of her head, knocking her out. 

Lysander, Lorcan, Hugo and Matt sprinted down the stands, running over towards her. She was crumpled on the grass and being levitated onto a stretcher by Headmistress McGonagall. 

The culprit of the injury had jumped on his broom and flew towards the castle, and Lysander was trembling with rage. He snapped at the other boys (Hugo, Matt and Lorcan,) to follow him to see if they could find the boy. They found him trying to run into the castle without being seen, but Lysander jumped on him, and pinned him down, so he couldn’t get away, while Lorcan and Hugo sent red sparks to the teachers, letting them know the found him.

Then, of course, Lysander did the unexpected. Just when the teacher and the student were coming into view, he let go of the boy and punch him straight in the nose, breaking it, as soon as the first met the boy’s face. A single punch before Lysander pulled him close and whispered in a deadly calm tone 

“Never. NEVER touch my Lily, EVER again.” Dropping the boy on the ground, before walking over to a shocked twin and Matthew. Leaning against the wall behind them and wiping the blood from the boy’s broken nose in the white-blond hair, not even caring at the streak of red in his hair. 

Consequently, he recived three weeks of detention. Could have been worse, I suppose, was his attitude. For the next month, he recived fist bumps from James in the hallways and tiny smirks from Albus, telling him, they were proud. 

Three years later, in fifth year, Lysander was noticing that he was catching feelings for Lily, but then, Matt had shyly asked her out, and she replied with “Why not?”.

Everytime they held hands, hugged, kissed or did anything of the sort, Lysander felt a rage build up inside of him. But for Lily’s sake, he tried to be happy. For Lily. 

Lorcan noticed immediately, and after teasing that Albus owed him 12 Galleons, comforted him and said that he was sure that Lily felt the same way, but just hadn’t noticed it yet, and told Ly to just play along and calm down.

Hugo noticed it in History of Magic, his first class after breakfast, where after seeing Lily and Matthew snog right in front of him, Lysander had crushed a goblet with his hands. After giving him some kind of twin telepathic look that Hugo couldn’t interpret, Lorcan sighed and muttered “Reparo”.

Hugo thought it was weird, but thought not much of it until he realized in the middle of HOM. (He is Ron Weasley’s kid. Ofc he wouldn’t fucking notice.) 

Hugo sent a note to the table where Ly and Matt were sitting, across the room, in a oragami swan (^-^) that read on the outside

Matt, if you’re reading this, just give it straight to Ly. Nothing really that interesting here, 

In it, read 

Lysander, mate...I realized you like Lily. Or Matt. I’m not sure, mate, i’m not going to make any assumptions. If it is Matt though, good for you. If it’s Lily, It was kinda obvious, so maybe, don’t crush a goblet next time they snog... just trying to help, but just know, that if Lily doesn’t choose you or doesn’t feel the same way, (Which she does.) the whole Potter-Weasley-Granger-Johnson-Delacour clan is on your side. 

If you need anyone to talk to, I’m always here, mate. Just say the word.

-Hugo

and Hugo got a paper dragon back, saying

Well, I shouldn’t really suprised, but it’s Lily. I’m not fucking gay. But thanks for being supportive. Love you, bro.

~Ly

Lysander walked out of that class feeling a lot better,  while Hugo felt smug. Hugo ran up to Fred II saying how he was about to have won his little bet with Rose. But they walked into the middle of the hallway to see Lily and Matthew, both looking solemn, (which was a first for Lily, who was almost always happy.)

They were speaking in hushed tones, Matt nodded and hugged Lily in an almost friendly manner, before walking away, with a smile on his face.

“What happened?” Lysander asked Lily, plainly curious.

“Oh, Matt and I both agreed that this relationship wasn’t working. We did like eachother.. but we agreed that being friends was more benefical for both of us. 

Lysander tried very hard not to break out into a grin, while saying “Aw.. You two were cute together. “

Lily snorted and just walked into the Transfiguration classroom and plopped down in her chair.

During the passing period after the next class, Lysander quickly told Lorcan the news, who encouraged him to ask her out at dinner. And Lysander agreed

Lysander worked up his courage to ask her out and was about to walk over to the Gryffindor table, went she walked into the Great Hall, smirking. 

“YOU!” she yelled, pointing at Lysander. The hall went silent. 

“ME!” Lysander yelled back, sticking his toungue out at her. 

“GO ON A DATE WITH ME ON THE NEXT HOGSMEADE TRIP?” Lily shouted, across the hall and out of nowhere. 

“ANYTHING FOR YOU LILS!” The sentence slipped out of Lysander’s mouth before he could stop it, but he was glad he did. 

Lily ran over to them, while Lorcan and Matt nudged Lysander, but Lily ignored them, pulling Lysander into a kiss that lasted a good forty five seconds. 

The Great Hall cheered, and Lily whispered “I saw you crush that goblet at breakfast today, Ly. I didn’t even remember it until an hour ago. I knew you felt the same as me, so I did something so you wouldn’t have to ask me out. Carriages to Hogsmeade at 10 sound good?”

Lysander couldn’t say anything, so he nodded. 

“Perfect! “ And Lysander watched Lily walk to her awed girl friends and a particularly smug Hugo. 

Let’s just say a lot of money was exchanged that day.

[jjbakaloskaiagathos]

Once-Upon in Morioh-Cho: 1999 Summer Flashback 🚨

In the previous chapter:

Sophie has approached the house, wiping sweat from your face.

- Higashikata-san, welcome me to Morioh-Cho!

Chapter 2:

Stand name: [Mrs. Brightside]

Stand master: Marmalade Sophie

Ability: observing areas as if they are a hologram and transporting into them. Attack “Light Splash” allows to blind enemies and leaves small burns on their bodies. If Sophie is not focused, she will not control an area.

The girl is sitting at the table, putting her leg under a hip, and correcting the notes on the sheet. The room is lit up with one small lamp which stands on the chest. Sophie looks at the watch and notices that it has already been 1 a.m: the time, when many people go asleep. She has taken a glance with boredom at the crumbled paper, trying to formulate her thoughts and aims. Suddenly, the girl breaks into a tricky smile and starts write something fast.

- What will you say about that, Higashikata Josuke? It seems that our interview is turning into a quite interesting thing, is it?

Sophie has giggled and has attempted to imitate a serious face, imagining that she wears narrow glasses, a long black dress and ugly old shoes. She has begun to read out the questions and has burst out with a loud laugh, not reached the last one.

- No, no, I need to focus myself on the content. I must cross it out.

• Who inspired you to go through the police?

• How do you cope with your feelings at work?

• What is your dick size?

• Have you ever pissed at the street corner?

• What secrets do you use when you catch a criminal?

• What porn genre do you like?

• Do you want to fuck me?

That day had become a key to cope with assignment which was sent to the girl. When she used [Mrs. Brightside], she did not expect that the police and ambulance had just dealt with the cruel robbery. Sophie was struck by the officer’s great work, imagining how it would be if she interview him.

- I absolutely don’t remember his face… I guess Higashikata-san may be strong, intelligent and brave man, who devotes all the spare time to protecting Morioh-Cho. I suppose it will be gold experience, - says Sophie and with these thoughts she lays a bedsheet, grabs a blanket which covers her and has fallen asleep.

The police station is located near the center of a bed town. It is a modern two-storied building with sophisticated layout, distinguishing among various insignificant constructions. To reach this place was not a difficult mission for Sophie because the police station represents as an important part of Morioh-Cho’s protection. Standing in front of the designated point and crossing out today’s uncomfortable questions, the girl confidently has entered the large glass door.

The interior has been completely predictable: gray walls, a small number of plants on the windowsills, simple white lamps and many other things indicate that the place reflects a serious purpose. Near the entrance, Sophie sees a big metal detector and a man, representing as a security guard in the dark-blue uniform. He takes a glance at the girl and starts to come up.

- Who are you? You’re not allowed to come in.

- I’m Marmalade Sophie who works at Morioh-Cho radio station. I create an article about the police’s work of the town that’s why yesterday I reached an agreement to interview the officer Higashikata Josuke. I can show you my identification and then you let me through, do you?

- I don’t care about your personality because my work is to protect the building and people who are here. Take off any metal objects and open your bag.

- Wanker.

- What?

- Oh, never mind.

The girl has just put her earrings, bracelet and necklace, which is made of gold, on the table. When Sophie did these movements, she realized that it looks like checking before the final exams at school in Russia. The girl’s mood is gradually getting worse that is why she starts to get nervous and sweat.

- Oi, lady!

Sophie has turned around, seeing a stranger. It is a man of tall height and stocky build, wearing a dark pompadour and light hair on the sides, densely combed back. His face has small and irregular features that are complemented by two long intersecting scars. His amiable smile does not calm down Sophie that is why her armpits and hands start to sweat more. The girl is thinking about how she can reach Higashikata’s office without unpredictable meetings, but today it has turned out to be impossible.

- Mademoiselle, may I introduce myself? My name is Nijimura Okuyasu, a senior police officer. I hear that you’re a practicing student who works at Morioh-Cho radio station, and today you have come to find out some information about our work, don’t you?

- Nice to meet you, Nijimura-san. I’m Marmalade Sophie, you’re absolutely aware of my business. Don’t you help me to see Higashikata-san? I need to interview him.

- Of course! I can take you to the first floor.

Climbing up the stairs, the senior officer told Sophie some special points. It turned out that Nijimura-san has close relationships with Higashikata Josuke who remains a total mystery for the girl. Eventually, the couple has reached an important room.

- Good luck and don’t be afraid.

- Thank you!

When Sophie has opened the door, she can observe big windows which are skipping sunlight to the office, including beautiful furniture. There is a large desk which is made of real wood, a cabinet is full of books and folders, a board hangs on the wall, covered with photoshoots, a black matte sofa and a coffee table in front of it. The girl is more interested not in the interior but in the figure, sitting on the armrest of the chair.

It is a man with large features, especially his deep-blue eyes and full lips. It is funny the thick arched eyebrows match his relaxed and kind face. Sophie can only see this sitting pose but she can guess his height exactly because of the frame. Higashikata-san looks stunning: dark hair represents as a wild pompadour, gold circle-earrings get the girl’s attention and uniform with expensive decoration suits perfectly. There is no reason to doubt that he is so handsome.

- Good morning, Marmalade Sophie. Have you reached the police station without any problems? I’m waiting for you, - says the man, standing up from the armrest.

- Good morning, Higashikata-san. Yes, I have. Thank you.

- Perhaps, you want to drink, do you? If it is, I will be able to ask a secretary about a cup of tea or coffee.

- Thank you but I don’t. And now the closer: your colleague told me that you’re aware of my visit. I was really inspired by your great work when you catch a robber. It was so fantastic! Can I ask you some questions about the police? The town and Japan must know the heroes which will be described in my article.

- I ask the questions here, not you.

Instantly, there is awful silence. Sophie did not expect that she would embarrass herself like that for the first time. The girl looks at him, starting to get nervous again, choosing the right words to continue this awkward conversation. Sophie often takes everything personally that is why in the school times she was always crying about little things. One day the girl broke her leg and had a decision to visit a doctor. At hospital a haughty woman shouted at her, accusing of breaking the queue. Sophie burst into tears in front of the doctors, sobbing every minute. Now she feels the same.

- Oh, what happened to your face? It’s a joke! My stupid joke…

It does not help.

- So… You seem pretty young, you’re a student, aren’t you?

- Yes, I am. I’m a sophomore and my department… Whatever. May I start an interview?

- Of course. There is no need to stand, sit down.

The conversation started with simple questions about the police and its definition in the officer’s eyes. Higashikata Josuke told Sophie many interesting facts and accidents which had to face. He answered that the reason, why the organization operates as a single well- set mechanism, is because of industrious people who work there. The main aim of Morioh-Cho police is a protection of the town.

- You said the organization is good at coping with difficult and confusing criminal cases and that’s right: there are no unsolved ones but I have found out some information about Kosaku Kawajiri. This man vanished about ten years ago and the wife and the son still have been waiting for…

- I won’t be able to answer your question.

- Why? It’s general quest…

- I don’t like to repeat: I refuse to answer this question, - says the officer, taking his eyes off.

It is getting dark outside. From this room it can see how street lamps have started to light up a full road. The officer is sitting against the window that is why his face is covered with a mysterious shadow, which can admit only the perfect features.

- You have a secret, in which you don’t want to involve me and my readership, do you?

- Marmalade-san, you’re pushing a line.

- A true journalist never pushes a line, he tend to think real information. If I write wrong things in my texts, I will mislead many people. Please, tell me about this per…

- Do you hear me? The conversation is over.

- Higashikata… Josuke, is it your name? The part “ske” can be read like “jo”. What an interesting one, - says Sophie, teasingly looking at his face.

- What are you up to?! - asks officer, getting furious.

- Exactly, the interview is over. Goodbye, JoJo.

The girl has stood up and shut the door roughly. Sophie is thinking about how she can get an archive, where definitely there are important notes about citizens. Perhaps, can the girl use [Mrs. Brightside] to find a direction? But at this time, she is being mad at Higashikata-san and at the thought that her mind treats him as a lovely man. Suddenly, someone grabs her elbow in a sharp way.

- What’s wrong with you? No need to become Dale Cooper in a skirt.

- Harry S. Truman, immediately, let me go.

- One more move and I will speak differently with you.

Sophie sees his eyes. She cannot believe that this kind and pretty face may hurt her. The girl is not surprised that Higashikata Josuke turned out to be very tall and upper-body. Their glances have met for a couple of seconds.

- To hell with it, I'm off! It’s a torture being here! - shouts Sophie, approaching the entrance, - Just so you know, this guard made me to open my bag and show my personal stuffs! He knows that girls keep spare pants and sanitary napkins, such a pervert!

Two men are standing against the wall and watching how Sophie goes out, ignoring the metal detector.

- Higashikata-san, I can…

- You can’t. Let her go.

⬅️ To be continued

[neuropathicgypsy]

So there's this guy who isn't so great...

So i saw a photo of him and I'd seen it before but this time i was thinking about some dark shit...

And I realized who he is...

It doesn't always happen that way... Actually... Like it was dark but not bad... Then what i remember was bad...

And so may be this girl was lying and it was the way it was initially with the memories about this guy... And maybe she did deserve her ass beat...

But their relationship wasn't as he wanted me to believe... Like it was more like how she said it was...

And may be 100% like she said... Like maybe it really does only take 20 minutes for an abortion. How would i know? I never had one... Or may be her mom was confused... About what time i dropped her off... Idk im trying to remember 10 years later and frankly i don't even care.

I washed my hands of both of them fully in 2008....

So now randomly he's popped back in my life... And completely random...

I didn't have a problem with him until he kept lying to me... Like for real lies like "I'm coming over" and he doesn't. Like that. Not like i think he's lying... Like its really obvious hes lying... Like its a fact.

Then i was all fuck this shit. And Matt happened to be with him and I waited like 8 hours and he did this huge song and dance and so i told Matt, punch him 5 times, at least 2x in the face.

So Matt did... Cause dam dude it was ridiculous. I already seen him and i already identified his alter ego but i was okay to over look it. Like it wasn't my relationship and it wasn't like it been 10 years since she had him arrested for beating her and i went with her to the court...

Yeah he definitely can't handle alcohol...

Like he would be cool at my house at first but as the night wore on... I would be like 2 hours later... Time for bed and make an excuse of life i had the next day instead of drinking and hanging out all night

He would be all "its nine o'clock!!" And i would be all "yeah Tom, sometimes we all have to grow up and admit responsibility"

Yeah sometimes he was a bitch... Like when i said anything with sense he would be all "i need to duct tape her mouth"

Or that one time he wanted to put me in my kitchen trash bin... I told him i didn't give a Fuck so he put it over my head and i told him to pick up the trash off my kitchen floor and he did then swept it and left a big pile in the floor...

But overall he was just his unique self that i kinda got used to...

Because his drama with my friend was between them -- unless my friend bitched about him later, like when we took the kids to the park, and i tried to help her figure him out.

Anyways so now i know my friend wasn't lying about him...

And i know other shit he did... Like to me...

Cause i actually knew him in Alabama, NYC, Texas, Oklahoma and now here... Like a stalker...

And so i am wondering... Should I tell him what i know? What i remember? The bad things?

Or should i just not?

I wonder if it will do any good... Like Why for put myself through his bull shit when i really just want to be left alone?

Do i want to remember?

No... I don't want to feel my ribs feeling like they're about to break or sharp pains on the side of my head -- the side closest to the wall in the bed so he could say i fell instead of it being on the side where he slept...

Like being drugged... So he can lie as to why he and my ex husband thought it was great to spike drinks.... Like ...

I don't care. I really don't.

He knows what he did and I just want him to go away. Obviously he isn't going to stop... Obviously he shouldn't be around the female human...

But what I'm just gonna pull evidence out his ass? My ass? Prove it?

I really don't think i can...

He already was sentenced 9 months for what he did to my friend.

May be he learned... Idk.

Obviously hes not going to come over and despite his recent meddling, people have come to their senses about him... Like he totally doesn't give a shit about me. Or them.

So obviously i left him when i was younger, between his father and mine, i got out of the house with him and he quickly moved on to "someone better" and he brought her over and the next one an the next cause he thought when i told the girls he beat me, i was jealous and trying to break them up...

When i was saying, I am so glad i left and I'm left alone 90% of the time and he isn't all up my ass bugging me and being weird and hitting me cause he had nothing else to do and no brain activity. And that it could happen to them, too. For no fucking reason.

It took a while, too for his dad to help me understand it wasn't me... Like he was just crazy... Stupid. Jealous. And dumb. Not too long but i did have to be taught that there's no difference between an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend or husband and an abusive parent or sibling. I always thought i really did something wrong

Now I know... I let him live and i was afraid of him and to let the "monster inside of me" out. And i was afraid I wouldn't win and i would die at his hands.

Now I'm not. Now I don't even care although I know for a fact he could probably break my neck in less than 10 seconds... Not because I'm suicidal or don't care about myself.

But because I do care about myself and I know that i can kick his ass. I know i don't have to and i know i can kick his ass soft enough that he behaves better and also that i can kick it so he never breathes again.

Because I'm angry. At what he did to me. Im angry that i believe without a doubt he would do it again if i didn't know all HIS male friends that would kick his ass, without a doubt until he quit bleeding.

Because I'm angryi have to feel the physical pain he did to me and i have to remember the bruises and the tears and the frustration and annoyance and knowledge that i wasn't loved.

Because I'm angry my fucking ribs hurt.

Idk that night he put on his act. I wanted him dead. Like i didn't care. I wanted to. I really did. I wanted to care about his life and his safety but I didn't. I hated him. With every cell of my being.

Matt said "i only punched him 2x in the face" i was all go back and hit him 10x in the face!!! Like it wasn't enough and i KNOW Matt did to to what he deserved not tappy tap tap.

I heard that over a week later, on Halloween, his face was still mangled... Like 6 broken noses and 5 black eyes... Like... Obviously he only has one nose and 2 eyes but there was enough damaged tissue for more.

I dont even feel bad... Like i still feel,it isn't enough. Because now i feel pain. And have since Halloween when the people he went to the carnival with left because i left. And haven't seen him since. Because they figured out thwt he was purposely keeping them from me, in line for the Haunted House for nearly 2 hours... I was not gonna stay..,

They could got out of line and sat with me at the fire they gave more logs for and rejoined him when he was near the front... It was cold where they were. They could even had taken turns in line.

It wasn't something i could do... I didn't even know they were there until after I left. All i was told was they would be about an hour... Which made no sense cause i thought they said they were already there... So what for an hour?

For the first time in forever it was just me and my kid for Halloween. We could done anything. My kid actually wanted to do the Haunted House... But didnt want to wait in the 36°F line for over an hour.

Its a good thing they left too, i got beat up in the Halloween Haunted House before, too.... Perfect place... Dark.. Scary... All perfect for "accidents" with no real person to take fault... Just accidents...

So really... I'm like part of me wants to tell him i know what he did...

But more i just want him to not exist.

And then another part of me still likes him and wishes he has grown up and realized he could be better than he allows himself to be. Part of me feels sorry for him.

I know he just wants to be loved and safe Just like we all do...

And I could love him as a friend as I had in the past... Knowing hes not been trustworthy in the past makes it easier to protect myself.

I handled him quite pperfectly 11 years ago... Until my ex husband I was married to then, started encou stupid and dangerous and evil entertainment.

I still don't understand the point to drug someone to have sex with them. Like dude. You're saying you're not good enough to be liked with a person sober and woke and living normal.

So that says a lot about a person... That they have no confidence or true love for themselves.

I been for real single in my house for 10 years...having only long distance relationships. I dont feel the need to drug someone to allow them to like me. They either do or they don't.

Im curious as to why they dont but i dont care. Some people just do not get along with others. Its that simple. I don't like plenty of people and to have to explain myself or be pushed around because of it totally pisses me off. I don't like you, simple as that and I'll hate you before I love you.

I see the most problem with criminals is they dont love themselves but usually demand others to while not believing others do... So they beat them.

Its really really sad. Its horrible. How they can't break that barrier to love just themselves. And then turn themselves into unlovable trash that they shouldn't be.

So at the end of the day, if you don't want to be loved. Then i won't love you.

Its the most difficult lesson a person can learn and its the most saddest and heartbreaking. But also the strongest making, most wisdom learning lesson.

And so I can turn off my feelings, my warmth, my caring for someone whom asks me to. Most especially someone whom has or would try to beat it into me.

Life is: Survival of the Fittest, is it not?

If you cannot love yourself, cherish yourself enough to take risks then you cannot survive.

If you cannot believe you are loveable then your actions will cause you to not be loveable.

But yet people like Jesse James and "Tom" don't have a problem with being greedy and asking for more and more and more. Like vampires with empty souls sucking down unicorn blood in the forest like they want to live on a page of a Harry Potter novel.

And so my question is, do i tell him what i know he did to Me? Or does he just want to relish in the delight of what he got away with so that He can devise ways to lie to make me some sort of pawn in his life, someone to use?

Why waste my time?

Friday in about 15 seconds i lost my child support check... While looking for it lost another check for $2.40...Then at the bank moments later literally $5 disappeared from ny hands.

Then the next day i had taken off my shoes in the Wal-Mart wheel chair shopping cart... While wheeling around... Lost my dam shoe.

I didn't even bother to look for it.

And my cat was kidnapped... Then i sent someone to fetch him... "Tom" let him get kidnapped again... Then he got fetched again.... And i have yet to see him... So im like what the fuck? Its been over a week... I tried Thursday night to go ask the neighbors but all the gates were locked...

Then i got this like flue feeling thing where i want to puke all day and all these body aches and I just want to sleep.

And Every thing is pissing me off...

And know why? Cause this curse if u dont acknowledge the dead on Halloween with a fuckking Hello then i get all this bad luck. Happens every time.like excuse me ass holes i deal with you 300 days a year and i can't have one with my kid?!

Its absolutely ridiculous

So id much rather sleep then to decide to care about someone whom has shown they do not care about me.

But is it wrong?

Should I tell him all those hits and attempts at giving me amnesia were temporary and i know exactly who he is and that he's still lying and that I know he was all trying to marry my friend then still get with me?

His dad says that he knew hitting me made me leave so that's why he hit my friend. And his dad says that she wasn't pregnant and that same as at my house it was more all over him than him on her... Unlike when he was with me

And i know i still have a lot of memories that don't fit right that are messed up.

But I know exactly what happened between Sara and Tom according to Sara's words to me. Because that part of my memories have never been affected. Even if i was drinking... Because i didn't drink a lot because i get migraines if i do. Mostly wine coolers or rum and juice...

Plus there was two adult sized male idiots, a seemingly whore type person and then 3 children 2 under the age of 5. So obviously someone who wasn't stumbling and posing a threat to the kids by falling over on themselves had to be present.

I just got drunk enough... So that i really didnt give a shit about all the stupidity I saw in the adults around me. And could say shit like "you know Sara, sometimes you're really dumb. Hes told you like 40 times to get off him and you're still on him So when tomorrow you're all black and blue and he says you tripped going down the stairs and i saw you walk down them just fine, I'm not really gonna care. I mean its not like he told you or anything. 46 times"

But while sober... I would worry why he was so mean to his girlfriend. Why she would always be rejected by him. And why she would allow herself to be treated so horrible. If my friend told me always to get off them, i would feel sad. Sometimes I have had to tell my kid not to touch or lean on me because i have pain... But i try to adjust so that they can... As i have a lot of numb spots next to highly painful areas.

But between Tom and Sara... I felt it was weird,volatile and and dangerous. And they shouldn't be together.

I even asked him once cause Sara would go inside with my ex a lot... Hmmm.. Idc.

"Why don't you like Sara to touch you?" And his face would be red.

And i would say " okay so then when do you like Sara to touch you?" Cause then i would tell her So she could get her affection...

And it was always difficult to get him to talk about himself.. Until for two nights I didn't talk to him and when we we're alone after he kicked me under the table most of the night, all angry in my face why i wouldn't talk to him...

"Oh why because you called me duct tape for 6 months telling me not to talk to you. And then when I did or have tried to "get close to you" as i would a friend, you just sit there all dopey and smile and don't even answer a question i ask you"

You know then sara comes out and says i said he was on dope.

And she denies it...and I'm tired of her being oblivious to every dam thing on the fucking planet. And i straight out accuse them both of being on meth...

And so while trying to faceplant herself on his Dick shes all "we should leave"

So then i throw them out and they both refuse to move. What. The. Fuck.

He claims hes afraid to leave cause she is all dopey on his Dick.... And hes all shes gonna rape m3 and all tries to,hide behind me,touching my body to use me as a shield and tries to jump over the railing of my porch!!! But acts like hes afraid to and asks my permission like 14 times. Dude you're a grown ass man why the fuck are you asking that's dumb. We were on the lower level anyway. Literally 4 steps, including the top.

It always seemed that stupid and annoying.

So i really didn't care when he went to jail, sentenced for 14 months and got out in 9..

Or when on New Year's Eve, i took her and her kids Christmas presents and she hadnt got any of us anything... And I had bought and took her cigarettes and she didn't want to share when i ran out... Or when I said we needed to leave because my kid wanted to go home and she told me that I was being a bad friend because I'm a good mom... Because I was going to leave... Then we went to the bonfire which my kid liked and so Sara said if i wanted to smoke her Winstons... Then i had to go get them and she threw them .... Because she was jealous all her neighbors were talking and laughing with me because i actually do know how to socialize.

And i quit being friends with her that night.

Left .... And every time she text me after i just told her to shut up and fuck my husband....but she didn't know because shes so sef absorbed that 2 months prior I told him i wanted a divorce.

On Thanksgiving.

In front of my uncle....

And so... Still... Should I tell him I think he's a complete ass hole with something to hide or a chicken shit that is making it look like he does.... And allow him to explain himself or not...

Because I a fucking tired of him trying to get into my brain. Hes all hiding. I'm not.

I heard in 4 months he hit me 15 occasions... I used the calculator and it was once every 8 days. I was 16. He was 23.

That enough makes me want to not talk to him. But i also don't want him to be all well that's your fault Sabrina. And blame me all kinds because I gave him a chance. I gave him a 100% chance.

Then when he blew me off more than once,including in DM.. I was all forget you then.... But then when I said i didn't want to fuck him, he lost his Goddam mind. Like dude... So yeah... When were we ever going to anyways when you can't even drive to someone's house? Or set up a date and actually go to it? It was So irrational the way he reacted. What? I'm a cum bucket? Like what he's gonna random run into me at Wal-Mart an pound me from behind in the family bathroom while i hold onto the toilet seat??

Seriously. Hes not rational

So I'm like to tell him what I've been told by th3 dead and what i remember... Its just a waste of effort, isn't it?

[babyshawwn]

what do you think dating shawn in high school would have been like?

Shawn would for sure be the boyfriend to annoy you inclass all the fucking time. Like keep whispering stupid things to you, pokingyou in the side, teasing you or trying to make you crack up all the time. Hewould honestly be your biggest distraction ever, but though you tried gettingannoying at him, you also found it so cute.

Shawn would ask you for help with school work a lot.Both because he actually needed help with the homework (mostly because Ibelieve he might have a hard time sitting down for too long or because hiscareer was just kicking off and a lot of stuff was going on) but also usinghaving to study as an excuse to see you. Like he would just want to be aroundyou as much as he possibly could, so if homework meant you were allowed to seeeach other a little more, he’d do that.

Sneaking out in class or whenever hanging with friendsduring your breaks to have steamy secret make out sessions. Feeling each otherup and letting your hands explore each other’s bodies, kind of liking thethrill of trying not to get caught.

You would be texting each other when you had differentclasses and was bored to death. Like maybe just sending emoji’s to each other, butthe both of you know just what those emoji’s meant without having to use words.

Shawn noticing when you were shivering walking downthe school halls and letting you borrow his hoodie every time.

Becoming close friends with Shawn’s friends. Like theguys would literally become your best friends as well and you’d love to jokearound with them and go on adventure together in the weekends. Also Shawn wouldbe so nice to all your friends too and stick around to chat with them, thoughthey were talking about boys. You and Shawn always playing matchmaker with yourfriends, forcing them to go out together.

 Small food fights at lunch, throwing around food orwiping it off on each other’s faces when no one was watching. When you hadlunch with your separate friends instead of each other, you’d always find Shawn’seyes in the crowd and he’d sent you a little smile before turning his attentionback to his friends. 

Going to hockey games together with your friends.Getting really nasty fast food and just having an amazing time laughing andteasing each other.

Shawn finding your hand under the table in class andinterlacing your fingers and letting his thumb stroke your knuckles lovinglywithout anyone noticing at all.

 Taking sneaky and ugly pics of each other during class, sending them around to your friends, making fun of each other. 

Shawn following you home after school, walking theentire way hand in hand and just talking about your day. The load of homework,the annoying teachers, the funny story Matt told at lunch. This being your timeto just talk about the day.

 Sharing your lunch food. Like all the things you didn’t like, Shawn would take and everything Shawn didn’t like, you liked and would eat instead. 

Shawn being really good at keeping your motivationhigh, when you felt like everything was shit. Like when school and homework andexams were way too much, Shawn would be really good at talking you down and getyou to relax.

Lying in bed in the afternoon, watching Harry Potterknowing you should be doing your homework. “Shawn, we should really get started”“Just 10 more minutes. Harry is about to kick some ass” “Fine, 10 more minutesbut then we need to get started on this English paper”

Shawn texting constantly “Hi babe, I’ll meet you atschool. Got up a little too late”

You helping Shawn filming his vines, but having to take them over a million times because either of you could stop laughing.  

Sitting in the music room after hours just watchingShawn play the piano and singing along, rehearsing for a school performance. Hewould always tell you to meet him at room 231 on Mondays after his music classand he would always promise you, he would only stick around for 15 minutesafter, but it always turned into an hour and you would just sit there, watchinghim play.

Going to prom with Shawn and him making sure it wasthe most perfect night you’d ever have in your entire life. 

When Shawn was still in class and you were done forthe day, you’d sent him snapchats with your friends eating frozen yogurt orgoing out for pizza just because you knew it annoyed him. He would honestly be so jealous when you got off before he did. 

Stupid fights in the last period of the day, when youwere both tried and annoyed with everything really.

Shawn would always remind you to drink enough waterduring the school day, because he knew, you’d get a massive headache if youdidn’t and mostly, you forget to refill your bottle.

“Did you do the homework for math?” “No, I thought youdid” “No… I was going to copy yours” “Well, I was planning on copying yours…” “Fuck”

Everyone at school knowing you were together andthinking you were so fucking cute, but never really being a touchy couple when peoplewere around. Like they would all know you were together and super happy, butShawn and you just didn’t want to be all up in each other’s faces while peoplewere watching. I mean, sure he’d hold your hand, or you’d rest your head on hisshoulders, or he would just lean in and place a kiss on your forehead whilewaiting for the teacher to come, but he wouldn’t kiss you passionately whenpeople were watching. You wouldn’t be one of those annoying and repulsivecouples that never let go of each other. You’d be able to have your separate friendsand spend the days with them without Shawn being a part of that and the otherway around.

And also Shawn smacking your ass in class while no one is watching and then you glance back and see his big fat smug on that pretty face. 

[antthonystark]

Could you talk a little bit about how Matt's acting and how good it is? You're always spreading positivity and I always like seeing it around

This ask is like 25 days old, andI’m really sorry, but I really neededto make sure I had the time to sit down and write for a whole goddamn afternoonabout this because, as one might have ascertained from my url, sidebar image,icon, description, and content of my posts, I kinda like Matt Daddario, sorta, maybe. So yeah, I have a lot tosay about this so brace yourself!!!

(Also, just so I don’t have tokeep repeating it throughout the whole “””essay”””, the purpose of this post is notto say that Matt is better than the rest of the cast or to say that he’s moreworthy of praise than everyone else (they’re all amazing), but this lovely anonasked specifically about Matt, so that’s what..that’s what I’m talking about.)

The thing about Matt is that he’sso beautiful to look at that people sometimesthink that that’s all there is to him, and I’m the first to agree that he isindeed beautiful to look at but he’s such a goddamn good Alec that I’d justlike to take some time to draw attention to that fact too. Unlike somecharacters like Simon or Clary, Matt (similarly to Harry as well) has to sortof undergo a more complete persona shift as Alec – his mannerisms, demeanour,way of speaking and interacting all change quite a bit. It’s more subtle than,for example, the Harry-to-Magnus transformation, but it’s there. Obviously I’mnot saying it’s more Acting™ than for example Kat or Alberto (actually Albertoin my opinion delivers the best and most consistent performance out ofeverybody in the cast, and Kat of course is excellent as well), but it’s one of the things that makes his portrayalinteresting to me, because, to me, so many more things become deliberate when there’s a more significant shift from one’s own personality and demeanour.

I want to talk about every singleAlec scene in this post but, honestly, we’d be here for days, so I’m justgoing to break things down in a way that’s hopefully a bit more brief. (spoiler alert: it’s not brief….it’s not…brief at all)

Emotions & Expressions: The Alec Challenge™

I’ve talked about this before,but I think Matt has a unique challenge in playing Alec just because of thenature of Alec as a character and how he emotes. Even other characters who areemotionally guarded are not quite as outof touch with their emotions as a character like Alec is. What I mean froman acting perspective (disclaimer: I know nothing about acting in aprofessional context lol) is that Alec, rather than just being guarded bynature – like Magnus or Jace – feels things very deeply, and then activelysuppresses showing those emotions(this was true for the majority of S1 and parts of S2), meaning that Alec oftenhas an affect that’s quite stoic and flat which he forces himself to have, butwe also have to see that strugglebetween “having deep feelings –> can’t allow self to show feelings –> unfeeling appearance” in order for the performance to be dimensional and notone-note, and this is the Alec Challenge™. And I think in this – honestly –Matt excels beautifully. It’s probably my favourite aspect of his portrayal ofAlec, because it’s subtle but it’s damngood.  Because in the moments thatAlec is allowed to be vulnerable, hisexpressions speak such volumes, and moreover, they still show that conflict.

Example 1: The freakin’ goldmine for this thing that I’m talkingabout has to be that scene between Jace and Alec in 1x05, when Alec still hadfeelings for Jace and they were talking about what happened in 1x04 with thememory demon. My heart fucking breaks forAlec here and Matt does damn beautifully. When Jace tells him that he loveshim, you can almost see him stopbreathing, his heart stop beating, for a split second, as he misconstrues whatJace says – and then after Jace elaborates, just look at his reaction – with nowords at all, you’re now fully attuned to the sort of tragic circumstances ofAlec and his deep infatuation with Jace, and its inability to be reciprocated(as it’s juxtaposed with that brief hopefulness, thatdid-he-just-say-what-I-think-he-said a moment before). He nods a little bit,like ‘of course that’s what he meant, don’t be stupid’ and it’s just so very good. No words, and the relationship between Alec and Jace is made somuch more complex and added so much more depth, just in these few moments alone.(Also shoutout to Dom for being amazing wrt Alec/Jace scenes and really forbeing phenomenal in general as well. I know I disclaim-ed this before but Ican’t help it I love them all so much.)

And then, after, when Alec says,“I thought you would think that….” and Jace says “what?” and Alec can’t evenbring himself to say anything or  toelaborate, because he can’t, becausethat would give him up, so he just swallows it down - or tries to - but just look at his expression. I don’t even havewords. Just loooooooooooook.

Example 2: Still in the timeframe where Alec has feelings for Jace(sorry if you don’t like this storyline lol, I know a lot of people don’t, butMatt did such amazing work in it that I can’t ignore it in this post! – plus S1gifs are so much easier to make on the fly lol).  The beautiful 1x07 Clace kiss, made all themore beautiful for Alec’s reaction to it. Like, here you can see exactly what I’m talking about. Yousee the way he looks away immediately, you can see he’s upset (and maybe I’m reading into it too much lol but youcan also sort of tell maybe that he’s not upset with either of them, really, but more so with himself), andthen you can see exactly how he kind of re-calibrates himself (like, you can’t show this emotion), and thenschools his expression into one that’s casual and aloof and walks away. Iremember watching this like 50,000 times when this ep first came out because itwas so good and my heart just brokefor Alec a million times.

Example 3: The other goldmine for this thing that I’m describing,this conflict in feeling vs. showing emotion, is the first Malec scene in 1x12(they’re all freakin’ amazing, I couldn’t even do the wedding scene because it kills me inside and I’d be heredoing a frame-by-frame analysis for 10 days straight). But like…I mean, do Ireally need to describe it? In the “you’re confusing me” part, you can just seeso much, the confusion, apprehension, almost fear in his eyes. I really canjust let the gifs do the talking here, but damn. There’s a reason this is oneof my favourite scenes in the whole series, and these two gifs encompass awhole lot of it. So. Much. Emotion. Good job, Matt. (Also, again, shoutout toHarry for being the perfect Magnus inthis scene and always, and because Malec scenes are so much more than Matt andHarry individually but also how they play off of each other so damn well.)

Example 4: I love thismoment so much from 2x02, after he snaps at Izzy for not knowing how he’sfeeling. You can see the hugeness of his love for Jace (sorry this is turninginto a Jace+Alec appreciation post lol, but the reason why that relationship isso compelling to me is largelybecause of Matt and Dom’s amazing performances thereof), as well as his ownapprehension and almost fear the enormity of his feelings – where Alec hastried so hard to be in control of his emotions, but with Jace missing he’s beenvolatile has not been able to exert that control, and it’s difficult for him todeal with.  Also, I want to give anhonourable mention to the opening Alec scene of 2x01, because it’s anotherperfect – perfect – illustration andbeautiful performance by Matthew of this unique Alec conflict of not being in control of his emotions,and that volatility and just how poorly Alec is in touch with himself and howto handle the enormity of these feelings is perfectly captured.

Example 5: I fucking hate giffing this scene, so I’m mentioning itin brief, but the scene on the rooftop in 2x05 is another really good exampleof the quintessentially Alec conflict of not wanting to show anyone how much he’shurting. And Matt is phenomenal in that scene tbh.

Example 6: Okay just one more real quick is 1x03, “She’s got a thing,” about Izzy, and then Izzyreplies teasingly/knowingly (about Alec being gay or Alec’s thing for Jace,it’s unclear, but one of the two), “We’ve all got our things.” The way Alec’s smile fades, a moment of insecurity, and heturns away aloof once again. Obviously, it’s a bit of sisterly teasing, and soit’s still a light moment for sure (you can still see a bit of a smile on hisface), but it’s just a subtle and nice thing okay I just like it

Another something that I reallylike, jumping back to Season 1, is this scene with Magnus in 1x09, very shortafter he has proposed to Lydia. Unlike in 1x08 and 1x06, where he has beenextremely and unprecedently open and comfortable and just generally, like,mellow around Magnus, here you immediately see his walls slam up, but you canalso see and feel the conflict thatirradiates from him, the idea that he wants to talk to Magnus but he’s not lettinghimself, and the self-consciousness of being around him in public as well,after the proposal, after he’s definitively Not Allowed himself this (I’m gonnatalk more about this in the next section too, just you wait lol):

But then, also, you see acontinuance of this kind of behaviour towards Magnus throughout the nextepisode in which they interact largely (before that scene in 1x12 that Imentioned earlier) – the “furrowed brow” as Magnus called it in 1x06, where yousee him kind of force himself to be distant with Magnus, emotionally keepingthose walls up which you can see in his expression in the following scenes aswell. A far cry again from mellow, smiley 1x06 Alec – he wants it, but hedoesn’t allow himself to have it anymore. Even when he’s smiling (“so you getit”) in 1x11, you can still see that he is more distanced, reserved compared tohow he interacted w/ Magnus in earlier episodes:

So what ALL of this does isinstead of Alec being that one-note, super-stoic character that we see in filmand television from time to time, he gets somuch depth out of these few moments of mini-expressions alone, kudos toMatt, in these moments where Alec gets to be somewhat vulnerable. You get tosee how much he feels, how conflictedhe is in such moments, and so when you have Jace saying something like “[Alecis] sensitive” in 2x08, you fucking believe it.

The reason I didn’t include theiconic™ 2x10 I love you scene is that it’s more of a 100% vulnerable Alecrather than conflicted – as Alec is learning to be more and more open with hisemotions, especially around Magnus. But I wanted to mention it to give yet more kudos to Matt for me being ableto see that development in Alec interms of the way that he emotes – there’s a distinct difference in this scenecompared to the Malec scene in 1x12 that I cited up there, for example, as Alecgrows into a more emotionally open and available person, that you can see inthe way that Alec/Matt emotes. As early as 2x05, in the scene on Magnus’s fireescape, you can see kind of a “middle” Alec, where he sort of tries to go “I’mfine” (which is another such a GOOD example of what I’m talking about) and thenstarts to blurt out how he’s actually feeling towards Magnus and is once againmore openly vulnerable. So, like. Nice.

I guess I want to say here thatMatt isn’t just goo\d at depicting the conflict between emotions, but justlike, emoting in general? He’s extremely believable in Alec’s most vulnerablemoments, and, honestly, that’s why I livefor them. Like, I could list a million scenes – the fight with Jace in1x09, the fight with demon!Izzy in 2x04, the malec scenes in 1x06 and 2x01, thedamn fucking scene at the end of 2x03, and I could go on. I guess, the thingis, this is a pretty lowbrow show, and in fantasy/YA shows you often see kindof tropey, two-dimensional characters where actors can kinda just phone it in,but in this you have these nuanced and thoughtful performances that justelevate the whole thing past what it is to make the characters so complex anddimensional – and this really goes for the whole cast, not just Matt, but alsoMatt included. (Also not just in vulnerable Alec moments, but in the raremoments where he gets to do comedic moments, he’s also amazing and justperfectly on point. Seventeen thousand,anyone? Or whenever he drinks alcohol. As a non-alcohol-drinker, let me tellyou, that is the exact face we makewhen drinking liquor and it’s fucking great. Like in 2x06, when he does thedouble-flinch after drinking the martini? Most actors who show it just grimaceonce, but there is indeed two very dramatic flinches, that’s just accurate. A+nice one matthew.)

Voice and Dialogue Delivery

So bouncing right off of theprevious section, I want to start talking about one of my favourite things inthis cruel world, Matthew Daddario’s voice. Other than his cute accent and thedumb way he says the word “something” and the way that it always risesdramatically in pitch when he’s excited or offended (I could go on), I love love love love how voice is involvedin how he emotes.

Now, you might be thinking,Mavra, come on, this is just basic acting, it doesn’t make him exceptional.Well, I don’t care. I just like it,and let me tell you why. Because ofthe above-mentioned and crucial characteristic of Alec – the inability to emoteusing facial expressions at 100% due to Alec’s suppression of his own emotions.But oh my God the voice – that little strain or hitch or crack in Alec’s voicethat comes every so often, I shit you not, nothing in this whole goddamn beautifulshow has made me more goddamn emotional than that. Because you see that part ofAlec that he can’t control – you get to feel the sheer scope of how much he’s feeling and how little he’sletting himself show it, just through that little hitch in his voice. You can’tgif voices, so it’s hard for me to illustrate, but ugh. I just. I love it somuch.

Examples: 2x05, “I let a demon in, Magnus” – you canhear it here; 1x12, “You just don’t get it…I could lose my family, my career,everything”; 2x05, “I couldn’t save you from Valentine…” and actually just thewhole scene on the rooftop is filled with instances of it; 2x01, the openingscene is just SO DAMN GOOD in every way and you can hear some of it there; whenhe’s talking to Lydia after Magnus walks into the wedding in 1x12 and he’stelling her he can’t go through with it, it’s a little bit present; and I can’tthink of any more off the top of my head, but like you feel me, right?

Also, like I said, I wanted tocome back to this scene from 1x09:

So obviously you can’t hear himin that gif, but I LOVE the way he delivered those lines. Like, he starts offhard and loud, “It’s okay.” Again, asI was talking about the scene, it’s like Alec isn’t allowing himself to haveany moments with Magnus anymore because he chose to marry Lydia. But Magnuspersists, oblivious to this fact, and it kind of melts Alec for a bit? When hesays the next line, “Magnus, I’m good, all right? I gotta…” it’s just a tinybit softer and less strident than the “it’s okay.”  Idk man, I just love it.

Also, like, he’s good atbreathing? This is utterly ridiculous-sounding, but it’s true, okay, the way Alec’s breathing was coming up short in 1x12after Magnus walks in was literally palpable and was giving me breathing problems through thegoddamn computer screen. Also in 2x10, when you can hear him literally 2minutes away from a panic attack, and that’s just so visceral and good. Butanyway, weird aside about breathing over.

And I was talking aboutexpressions a lot, but I just love the way that Matt – generally – deliverslines as well. Maybe it’s because I love his voice, but I just love it. One ofmy favourite things, because #relatable, is the way Alec isn’t so great with articulatinghimself verbally. And it’s utterly unlikeMatt himself, who has such a measured and often deliberate way of talking, atleast publicly (he barely ever trips over his words at all, if you’ll notice,instead just pausing at length sometimes), but Alec’s stutters and stammers areso well-delivered and believably rendered, I think (like, I’d like to hearkenback to the “you’re confusing me” scene from 1x12) and it’s just…Nice™, Iguess. I like it.

I don’t really know what else Ican say about his line delivery other than the fact that it’s just good, generally, it’s believable andjust, yeah. Some of my favourites of his lines actually are with Izzy (also,shoutout to Emeraude here, because Matt and Emeraude play against each other so so so so good, I love their dynamic so much and they really bring out thebest in each other), especially when he’s sort of teasing Izzy. He just has the lightly teasing, sardonicribbing thing down perfectly in his tone, and it’s so Alec. My favourite is probably the extremely sarcastic “Great job, Izzy!” from 1x03 (and really,that whole conversation). Also, the “turning over a new leaf?” in 1x07. Andthis is more Emeraude appreciation, but the whole Jessica Hawkblue exchange in2x07 was a-dor-able and theirplatonic chemistry on screen is on point.But I digress. Matt says things good, is the point of this paragraph, I think.We’re three thousand words in, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. To add onto the Alec/Izzy thing, another one I liked a lot was the biting “is that whatyou’re calling it now?” about Izzy’s connections to the Seelies in 1x06,because it was in almost that sameteasing tone, but it has such a bitter twist to it, and it was just so good.

ALSO: A line delivery (as well asexpression and just everything) I like A Lot is from that same scene in1x06 was “I knew Clary Fray would come back to bite me in the ass.” You canfeel the anger, frustration, resignation, but his voice is quiet, his anger and sense of always coming up short and being unfairly treated, asalways, below the surface (bubbling up slightly more in the “Screw the rules,screw all of this” at the end of the scene) – but there’s that bitter twist ofa smirk and I’m not making  any sense Ijust love this moment so much bye

Final thing: THE WAY HIS VOICEGETS LOW AND DEEP AND SOFT™ SOMETIMES. THIS KILLS THE MAN. Just because sooften Alec’s voice is quite loud and somewhat uninflected, outside of hisvulnerable moments (or moments like the above-mentioned ones with Izzy), likeyou’re running into a brick wall – which is probably exactly what Alec intendswith that inflection (that Matt captures so well, I’m sorry at this point I’musing Alec and Matt interchangeably lol). But then you get moments like 1x12’s“No, you’re not sick” or 2x06’s “I hear that relationships, they take effort”or 2x07’s “In good ways I hope.” Honestly it’s 2AM, this paragraph is just anappreciation of Matt’s deep/soft voice. I love. But like, it’s good acting too.A+ showing vulnerability and softness. Nice job matthew.

Okay, one more quick one that Ilove so much for some weird reason I can’t explain – in 1x05, when they’retrying to track Clary, and it’s not working. Jace says, “Alec, concentrate”,and Alec says nothing. It still doesn’t work, and Jace says, “Alec!” in areally sharp voice, and Alec says “I’m doingit.” That last line – fuck, man, it’s like quiet but not soft and it just killsme with the weight of the insecurity and apology in Alec’s voice. It’s one ofmy weird ones, I can’t explain it but I like it so much I had to mention it.

BASICALLY. I like the way Mattsays his lines. I think his inflections and dialogue deliveries are usually sovery believable, but more than that, they addsuch an important dimension to his performance, especially for a character whophysically or outwardly forces himself not to show emotion.

Body Language

I don’t have much to say on thisexcept there’s a couple of details that I really like in terms of bodylanguage, the first one being this little nervous hand tic that Alec has.Again, Alec is in general a somewhat high-strung and withdrawn/reserved person,so I like these little, nuanced, effective reminders of the fact that he hascertain anxieties (e.g. here, talking to Magnus on the date and I’m pretty sure that’s what his hand wouldbe doing when he’s telling Magnus he loves him):

It basically is just a nice andminor way to give the performance that bit more dimension. 

Otherwise, a lot of this hasalready been said previously. I really like how Alec often stands in a very soldier-like “at ease” stance, with his feetplanted wide and his hands clasped behind his back, if he’s not doing anythingelse. It’s just really nice shorthand for not only his militaristic upbringing,but his adherence to it over the other young Shadowhunters that we see.

I also like Alec’straining/punching bag scenes (for So Many reasons but no time to get into itall now) because I think it’s basically apparent at this point that Alec trainswhen he’s trying to process emotions that he doesn’t know how to process orcontrol. To that end, the scenes in 1x08 and 2x02 are very interesting to me,because unlike what one might expect of a character blowing off steam, he’sstill very regular/disciplined in how he attacks the bag – there’s no loss ofcontrol, which makes so much sense, because this is Alec’s conduit into gaining back control after the loss ofcontrol he tends to feel when his emotions get too complex for his emotionallystunted self to suppress – finding out his parents were in the Circle and hiswhole life has been a lie, almost getting Jace back and then losing him again.1x09 is different, you can see a certain anger and loss of control there(although it’s brief), and I think this is because 1x09 is a differentmotivation – this is an example of self-harm, I think, rather than an attemptto gain lost control – this is after his altercation with Magnus, pushing him away,after he proposed to Lydia. Alec is not exactly immune to self-loathing, and I’msure these events are not helping that (especially given Izzy’s “you’re hurtingyourself”). So I think that distinction is important and I really like all of thesescenes in terms of their body language.

The last specific thing I want to mention is eye contact. For somereason, idk if this is just me (I have some issues with eye contact lol), Ifeel this is a bit of a salient behavioural thing with Alec. Like, you’ll oftensee him avoiding eye contact in certain situations, especially when he’s vulnerable.1x09, after the fight with Jace; 1x05, while Jace is trying to talk to him andhe feels uncomfortable around Jace after the memory demon occurrence; his “I’mfine” to Jace earlier in 1x09; looking away from Jace throughout most of hisspeech in 1x12 about Magnus at the bachelor party; his “I’m fine” to Magnus in2x05; frequently looking away from Magnus in 2x06 esp. during the “somethingwrong with me” speech. BUT, more interestingly, whenever he wants to destroy someonein true Alec Lightwood fashion, there’s always a prolonged and deliberate momentof eye contact. I first noticed it in 1x08, when Alec is delivering the autopsyresults to Lydia, and he hands them to Maryse while literally staring Lydiadown, not breaking eye contact until after he gave it to her. Same in 1x09after his fight with Jace – he’s looking away from him until he deliberatelyand definitively chooses against Jace, and that’s when he looks at Jace, whenhe says “no”. Also in 2x09, when he especially claps Aldertree on the shoulder,looks him in the eye, smirks, and then leaves (damn son). I really like this contrast, because it’s another subtlehint at these conflicting parts of Alec – his insecurity vs. his ultimate strength.Idk how intentional it is on the part of Matt, but I noticed it and it’s like, myfavourite thing.

The Sum of Its Parts

So in the above, I sort of teasedapart separate elements just to kind of look at them in depth and in a differentway, but ultimately the whole is more than the sum of its parts. All three ofthese things, and many more nuances and details, are integrated together andare used in different ways in different scenes to communicate different things and aspects of character and motivation and emotion.All together, it creates such a damn beautiful portrait of this character, AlecLightwood, that’s nuanced and dimensional and honestly perfectly rendered. Evenwhen he’s in the backgrounds of scenes, even when he only has a couple of linesin scenes, every single thing is usually just so good that it adds so muchrichness to the character and makes it such a compelling performance to watch. (And also, like, so realistic and three-dimensional while borrowing very little from Matt himself - or rather what we know of Matt - in terms of mannerisms and such? at least, I think so) 

 Again, a lot of people like to ascribe a lot of Alec’s popularity to Matt’sphysical attractiveness – and I’m going to be honest, I do not doubt that that figures into why a lot of people like Alec, itcertainly did for me at least initially – but I also think that Matt delivers areally good performance that brings both nuance and depth to the struggles andconflicts of this character, which makes Alec such a compelling, relatable, andrealistic character.

Ultimately, I also think a lot ofwhat I showed here and what Matt does evidences something that is ultimately socrucial (and this comes through in Matt’s interviews, or at least, when someoneactually asks him a question about Alec independent of his relationships, whichlol is not too often) – his understanding of his character is so, so, so on point. And honestly at least 35% of why I’mnot going to breathe easy until June 5th is just because I cannothonestly wait to see more of all ofthis.

and that’s….yeah. that’s what i have to say… about…that….

[sabreean]

Plastic free personal care:

Hair: This is a major category for me because I have a horse’s mane - 2 1/2 feet long, baby-fine but as thick as any 2 or 3 other people combined. — As soon as the current bottle is empty I will switch to bar shampoo. Many companies make bar shampoo and conditioner so there are a lot of naked products to choose from, and I mean a LOT, so making a decision took a long time and a lot of reading. myHumankind makes some, so does Sheets, but I have decided to try Ethique. They offer mini bars for sale so you can give them a try first and are the perfect size for traveling, they sell plastic-free compostable shower storage boxes for the full size bars (the boxes last about 5 years before they start to break down) and they have unscented. I received my Bar Minimum mini today and may hair feels very clean. It didn’t lather up as much as bottle liquid shampoos but maybe it isn’t supposed to. The Ethique web site says that it will “foam” but that wasn’t my experience. Eh, whatevs, it worked. They also have a purple bar set, for us blondes and silvers, and I don’t think *any* other brand makes that in bar/naked form. —I can’t use bar conditioner, I just have too much hair. But Ethique makes concentrates of many of their products - large bars that can be melted with boiling water into a cream/liquid and stored in whatever bottle is already sitting around. So I am going to try their conditioner concentrate when the current stuff is used up and just reuse the bottle that’s in the shower now. —I keep a small container of dry shampoo handy because the crown of my head needs washing a lot more often than is good for the length of my hair. I’m light blonde so the dry shampoos that lighten your hair don’t look weird but that’s a consideration for people with darker hair, and some brands make dry shampoos specifically for darker hair or claim that their all-for-one won’t make you the Bride of Frankenstein. I have Billie right now (two shades available, for light or dark hair, unscented) which comes in a plastic bottle, but only because I got a sweet discount on it with my first Billie razor set and I hadn’t yet gotten on the zero waste wagon. In a pinch, if you have light hair or don’t care about the lightening, you can just use cornstarch. It’s cheap, it’s in every store, it comes in a cardboard box and it’s the main ingredient of some dry shampoos anyway. But looking for an alternative to the Billie has shown that all-natural dry shampoos are more prevalent than I would have suspected. I even found a zero waste, unscented one that’s made here in Hawaii! — Two reasons to hope I love Ethique’s products: they have pet products. And they are a certified B Corp whose business practices and ethics kick the ass of pretty much any other company out there, maybe even Lush. They tick hippie boxes I didn’t know existed. — If I need to set my hair, I use aloe vera juice. If I need to slick it down I use conditioner. If I need to deep condition it, I use whatever oil is within reach. Heat never touches it. The only hair products in my home are shampoo and conditioner. It’s 2 1/2 feet long, “styling” ain’t something that happens here. It braids, it barrettes, it buns, it tails. So while there may be all natural, zero waste styling products out there, I don't use them. Maybe I'll do a whole separate article some day just to point the way but I won't have dick to say about them.

Deodorant: I don’t sweat much and BO has never been a problem - until now. I am going through it at three times the rate I did before. I have a mini unscented deodorant bar in my Ethique sample pack but the full size is a block that requires an airtight container they don’t sell, and a good number of reviewers reported it leaving white streaks on their clothes that don’t wash out. I just used it for the first and I’m wearing a sleeveless dress so I can’t speak to streaks, but it has a pasty consistency that means you have to wash your hands after using. So…probably not going to go with the full size, as much as I want to love Ethique. I ordered the full size Native unscented deodorant, which is a stick in a paper tube that you push up from the bottom, just like that orange treat you got from the ice cream truck when you were a kid). Sheets has the same but not unscented. myHumankind makes unscented but are currently sold out except to current subscribers who just need refills whereas I’d be a first time buyer, and anyway their dispenser contains a little bit of plastic which ain’t no thang if your community has recycling. Ours doesn’t, so I think I’ll stick with the paper tubes. -- Some brands make powders which I’ve tried and while they can be messy, they work. Other brands make pastes that come in glass jars and you apply with some spatula-like thing, but I can’t get excited about schmearing myself like a bagel. As with hair you have a lot of options to work through if you want to go plastic-free or plastic-minimal. -- The obvious question is whether all natural deodorants work for people who sweat heavily and I really don’t know since I’m not one of those. I’ve read the reviews on all the brands I considered and the answer to that question appears to be much “Your mileage may vary”. Everybody's body chemistry is different so ever product performs differently. Some sites talk about "detoxifying" your pits but bitch, please.

Teeth: — When my current tube of Dr. Bronner’s runs out I will try myHumankinds tooth tabs. I used Lush’s tooth tabs for a long time and I think tabs are fantastic - you can put them in carryon luggage without doing TSA’s stupid human tricks and they take up much less space. Other brands make powders which like deodorant powders above can be messy. But read the ingredients if you go the powder route - some store brands are just flavored baking soda which still works well, but at 10x the cost of a box of Arm & Hammer and they can just fuck right off with that scam. Other brands make pastes that come in glass jars and I think I saw one brand that uses a tube made of sugarcane. Or maybe that was face moisturizer. I don’t remember now. — I’ve been using bamboo toothbrushes for over a year and the subscription option means it’s easy to ensure that you are changing out your toothbrush as often as your dentist lectures you about (I also have reminders on my calendar every three months to nudge). I use Brush With Bamboo brushes because the bristles are USDA certified as 100% biobased and am very happy with them. The bristles aren’t falling out and they are soft enough for tender gums. — There are also plenty of zero waste dental flosses and mouthwashes out there. I don’t use floss so can’t comment (flossing makes my gums bleed, has done so my entire life, even dental hygienists have a bitch of a time flossing me and give up quickly). I have used Lush mouthwash tabs and they work very well, I’m sure all the other do too. But I don’t feel a need to keep any on hand. I’ll update if I change my mind.

Skincare: — My current supply of face moisturizer will last me a good while but when it runs out, again, plenty of bar options and oh so many glass jar options, and a few brands use tubes made out of a sugarcane material. Finding a face cream your face loves is a trial-and-error pain in the ass, I may just default back to Lush even with the plastic pot. My skin loves Magical Moringa so much and it’s created to be matte, so I don’t have to worry about the island humidity leaving a shiny oil slick on my face. Plus it’s thick enough and ‘dry’ enough that it stands a far better chance of surviving shipping conditions than Lush’s other products. — I want to try Ethique’s body lotion concentrate when my jar of Queen Helene cocoa butter runs out but it will be hard to convince me that anything is better than the Queen. — My current shower soap is Lush and when they discontinued my favorite I loaded the hell up, so I won’t have to make a decision on that for months. I may just share my partner’s, it’s in a plastic bottle but I love its orangey scent. I use my shower gel to wash my face because it’s Lush so I don’t need a separate gentler face cleanser. But I did use the mini Bliss Bar that came today in my Ethique sample pack and my face likes it quite well so maybe I’ll stick with it. Finding a new face cleanser can also be a trial-and-error pain in the ass…um, cheeks… — I exfoliate my face and body by mixing sugar into my shower gel, on the rare occasions I feel the need for a face mask I use straight honey (creamed/whipped/spun if I can find it), and for toner I mix tea tree oil into witch hazel liquid. Sorry I don’t have any opinions on specialty products out there but for these three things I’ve always been DIY. The toner and honey mask are good options for people with acne because honey and tea tree oil are natural antimicrobials, if that helps ease your sense of loss.

Shaving: I’ve been using Harry’s safety razors for a few years because I did the math - the subscription safety razors live up to their press, you really do save a shit-ton of money over disposables and they work much better. I switched to Billie just before I moved to the island because of the magnetic razor holder that it comes with, and really that was the only reason for the switch, the razors are just as good (although I admit the differently shaped handle of the Billie is easier for me to handle without dropping). -- I use hair conditioner or shower gel to shave with so I can’t comment on shave-specific products that are plastic-free, although there are a lot out there to choose from. The only shave-specific product I’ve used is Cremo and I liked it very much but it comes in a plastic tube.

Lip balm: It’s in a plastic jar because that’s the only way I can get it but I use straight up 100% anhydrous lanolin (the thick stuff, not liquid). It works incredibly well, is unscented/unflavored, and doesn’t wash off too easily. I order it from bulk supply houses like LotionCrafter or Bulk Apothecary because much cheaper than buying it off the shelf at a store. To exfoliate my lips I mix sugar and just enough oil or honey to make a paste. I don’t know that any one oil is better than any other for this, I just use whatever I have around - almond, avocado, coconut, and there’s always olive in the kitchen.

Tools: I use myHumankind bamboo swabs and I love them! The stems are bamboo and the cotton organic. The stems are rigid and strong, the cotton is tightly wound, and both are very important now that I'm regularly gunking up my ears with salt and sand and water. They are going to be great for makeup if I ever get around to wearing any. Maybe in September when we take our long weekend on Maui. -- If I get to the point that I need cotton balls, which I haven't since I moved here, I would probably try the washable bamboo pads that so many places sell. I used cotton balls before because I just...always had them. It's one of those things you always kept in the bathroom because doesn't everybody and your mom always bought them so I did too. Weird how that works, ain't it?

Feminine hygiene: I'll be blunt, don’t ask me. I haven't had a period in well over a decade because I practice menstrual suppression. And I’m of croning age now so it will be a moot point before long. I can’t contribute to this conversation. Sorry.

[roughand]

The Last Jedi

Things I enjoyed

Rey

I liked Rey a lot in this movie. I thought Daisy Ridley gave a strong performance, and she really made me feel her frustration and exasperation. I liked the nuance she brought to her scenes with Ben, and I liked what a good no-bullshit foil she was for Luke. I don’t have a lot to say because I liked pretty much everything she did, even when she was stuck in a less-than-good scene.

Rey’s Parentage

I didn’t mind that Rey’s parents were nobodies. It’s kind of nice, because for the last 20 years Star Wars as a franchise has been obsessed with the Skywalkers, to the point that they’ve become this narrative trump-card, and in any conflict it’s only a matter of time before one of them turns up and performs some heroic feat using the Force. I don’t love the fact that Rey is both super powerful AND innately skilled (as it robs her journey of some much needed conflict), but I do at least like the fact that she’s not a Skywalker, and can hopefully explore her own path.

Ben Solo

Adam Driver is excellent in the role, and brings a lot of menace and tension to the scene whenever he’s on screen. I don’t love the narrative decision to make him the Big Bad for the next movie, but at the very least he’s doing good things with the material they are giving him. I liked his conflict, I liked his interactions with Rey, and I liked his insane lack of control toward the end. He’s a very finely-crafted character.

Ben’s reason for turning to the Dark Side

I thought this moment, where Luke senses the growing darkness and Snoke’s corruption in Ben and briefly turns his lightsaber on, was perfect. It was such a raw moment that fit into what we knew about both characters. Luke is rash and impulsive, he always has been. Ben Solo is clearly hurting from wounds and rejections we don’t fully understand yet, but we can see the emotional scars. It makes sense for Luke to peer over the precipice but ultimately back down from killing Ben, just like it makes sense for Ben to feel a powerful sense of betrayal, and to carry that rage and hatred for a very long time. This was excellent characterization, and one of the few moments where I felt the movie (or really, the new trilogy) had strong and good ideas about what happened to Luke/Leia/Han post-ROTJ.

Ben & Rey

I liked the weird Force-connection that let them interact with each other, even if it was ultimately revealed to have been one of Snoke’s ploys. But the two are the most talented actors in the production, so giving them a chance to play off each other is a good idea. Plus, this introduced an aspect of the Force that, while new, didn’t feel too out of line with what we’d already known.

The destruction of the Dreadnought above D’Qar

This fight had the benefit of being at the start of the movie, which meant you couldn’t be sure how any of it would play out. We don’t know if Poe will get shot down and captured, or crash on some strange planet, or be sent hurtling into space. Maybe the attack will succeed, maybe it will fail horribly, maybe there will be heavy losses on both sides. It’s all possible, and made for exciting action.

They also did a good job with minor characters like Rose’s sister, and giving them small stories to engage the audience without putting the protagonists in any serious danger. They did well to flesh out these supporting characters, because their deaths were more impactful, and their struggles more tense.

In comparison, look at the fight on Crait. As visually appealing as parts of it were, the outcome was a foregone conclusion--Luke had to sacrifice himself in a grand way to (1) bring hope back to the galaxy, (2) help the Rebels escape, and (3) inspire Rey. The only people left in that bunker were the main cast and a handful of extras. It was pretty clear that everyone had to make it out alive, and that Luke/Rey would be the ones to do it. That meta-knowledge robbed the sequence of a lot of the dramatic weight it should have had.

The destruction of Snoke’s ship

This was right up there with the Star Destroyer crashing into the Super Star Destroyer in ROTJ. In fact, it was probably better. There was a lot of very visceral visuals throughout, and the silence of the initial explosion was perfect.

BB-H8

He didn’t overstay his welcome, and even though it was preposterous to think that the First Order troops wouldn’t notice BB-8’s disguise, I liked that they had him noticed by one of his own kind. Given that the weird droids are always a fixation for Star Wars, this felt very much true to the universe.

The fight with Snoke’s guards

I enjoyed this because it was a good lightsaber fight-scene that didn’t go all CG like the prequels, but still had more finesse and interesting fight choreography than all the fights in the originals. Plus, seeing Ben and Rey fight together (as opposed to against each other), and help each other out occasionally, was a nice subversion of expectations.

The Kylo Ren/General Hux rivalry

As I’ll mention below, the humor was often something I didn’t enjoy about the movie, but the Kylo/Hux rivalry always felt very entertaining. It never got too cartoonish, but consistently reminded us that Hux is more than just a putz and that there’s no love lost between the two characters. It was effective at what it set out to do, and entertaining in the process.

The spaceship-that-was-actually-an-iron

This was a great cut late in the movie, reminiscent of the bit in Raiders of the Lost arc where the scary villain has the girl tied up and captive and he starts unpacking what looks like some sort of sadistic torture device...only for it to actually be a coathanger for his heavy leather coat. This is the kind of humor that fits a bit better with the tone, and fleshes out the world in ways that feel realistic.

Things I was unimpressed by

Much of the humour

Including:

Luke flicking the invisible lint off his shoulder after the AT-AT barrage

Luke milking the alien

Luke tickling Rey with the leaf

Poe taunting Hux about his mom

Finn wandering around in the suit leaking water (felt very “JJ Abrams Star Trek Kirk wandering around with the swelling disease)

I’m not averse to comedy (see my list of things I enjoyed for several comedic moments that worked), but a lot of this felt like it was from a different movie. Luke has never been a jokester, he’s always been almost painfully earnest. MARK HAMILL, on the other hand, is a funny weird guy with a huge personality...but that’s not Luke. I’m happy for Hamill and Fisher to get roles that are more in line with their real-world personalities, but at the same time Hamill’s performance especially didn’t read as the Luke we knew.

The rest of the comedy, particularly from Poe/Finn, but also from Chewbacca and the Porgs, just feels like it’s targeted to the child audience consuming this. It’s cheesy and doesn’t feel fresh, nor does it vibe with the rest of the film.

The stupid Jedi Tree and the stupid Jedi Texts

Ugh, so like, I don’t enjoy the way the sequels (TFA & TLJ) have handled the idea of Jedi in a post-ROTJ world. My biggest issue here is that the Force isn’t going away. It’s still there, and people will still be born who can control it. The little slave-boy Force-pulling his broom is evidence of that. So this idea that “Luke is the last jedi and everyone’s forgotten about the Jedi (again) and they might disappear for good” is just preposterous. The Force is like magic in Harry Potter. Lots of people are born with the ability to use it, and they’re gonna cause a lot of problems (and draw a lot of attention to themselves) unless someone helps them to learn to use it safely. So I just find it hard to buy that the Jedi are constantly at risk of dying out and being completely forgotten (again) despite the fact that people all over the fucking galaxy are clearly being born with Force abilities.

Then there’s just this whole idea that Luke would somehow become so slavishly devoted to the IDEA of the Jedi that he’d squirrel himself and the last remaining Jedi texts away on some planet. I mean, the most obvious thing here is that if Luke thought the Jedi were so dangerous and that they shouldn’t continue to exist, then he should have just killed himself and burned the books years ago. Keeping them in that silly tree (when you have a perfectly good mountain temple complex which no doubt offers better protection from the elements) was just a needlessly contrived set-up for Yoda to burn it down later.

Captain Phasma

Man, Captain Phasma seemed like she’d be such a cool character before TFA--Brienne of Tarth as a badass unique chrome stormtrooper! But now after two movie’s she’s done ZERO interesting things, and instead has had her ass handed to her embarrassingly by Finn twice now. And not even in a “wow that was satisfying to see David beat Goliath with ingenuity and skill” but rather in a “wow, is Phasma THAT useless that she can’t fight off this spaz?” Phasma became more of a punchline than anything when she showed up on screen because there’s zero threat to the character. She’s never done anything exciting or dastardly or shocking or intimidating. She just looks menacing because her armor is shiny and everyone else’s is matte.

The Dark Side cave on Ahch-To

I understand the point of this scene--Rey is who matters, not her parentage. It’s her own self she should be worried about, and exploring, and which poses the most potential for greatness or terrible things. But ultimately it felt very out of place in the film because it lacked the overt connections to Rey’s wider arc that Luke’s same experience in the Dark Side cave on Dagobah had. Luke goes into the cave and we, the audience, know that Vader is his antagonist, and that Luke is deeply afraid of him. Having Vader in the cave was fantastic, because it makes us question what’s real--is Vader here or is Luke fighting his own fears? And then to have Luke defeat Vader, and remove the mask to find his own face (shades of The Prisoner) was excellent foreshadowing for the eventual reveal that Vader was Luke’s father, and that perhaps what Luke should fear most is himself. They packed a lot of narrative heft into Luke’s cave sequence. Rey’s, in contrast, didn’t seem to advance anything we didn’t already know, or have reason to suspect, and there was no subtlety revealed during the rest of the movie, no moment where suddenly Rey’s experience in the cave was cast in a new light. As a result, it just felt ancillary and unnecessary.

The Porgs

The Porgs were cute...and then immediately overused. It’s hard to introduce a character or race, and then make them feel oversaturated so quickly, but TLJ succeeded in that mission. I don’t hate the Porgs, but everytime one appeared on screen it felt like the film was directly interacting with a younger audience, and I was no longer part of that experience.

Luke Skywalker’s character/storyline

Right off the bat, I didn’t buy the backstory that Luke went into seclusion after what happened with Ben. It feels very much like JJ Abrams said “I want my movie to be about everyone looking for Luke!” but then no one since has been able to come up with a plausible reason for Luke to abandon everything the way he did. It’s one thing for me to assume that YOUNG Luke is incredibly short-sighted and rash, but JEDI MASTER Luke should have already learned a lot of the lessons that Yoda taught him in TLJ. I mean, the whole “learning from failure thing” is pretty much what he learned at the end of Empire Strikes Back. It just goes back to that idea that if your plot relies on your characters acting like idiots for it to work, then you need to do some re-writes.

Consider that when Luke visited Dagobah and Yoda acted weird at first, it was because Yoda was testing Luke. Luke came there looking for a great warrior to train him to fight, and Yoda needed to disabuse him of those notions before he could actually start training him. Yoda’s shtick was just that--a false persona intended to see how Luke would react, and to expose his faulty assumptions about what it means to be a Jedi.

But when Rey visits Luke on Ahch-To, he’s a dick to her because he doesn’t WANT to teach her. Again, this just doesn’t seem like Luke’s style. He’s an idealist, he’s someone who sees the good in everyone. It’s why he couldn’t bring himself to kill Ben, so it beggars belief that he would so callously refuse to train Rey. Moreover, it was a huge contrivance (more on that later) that Luke had “withdrawn from the Force” because that’s never really been how that works, but also because that was only a thing so Luke wouldn’t sense the fact that Rey and Ben were in contact. Like, it didn’t make sense for Luke to have not been touching the Force all these years, and it doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t be able to detect the presence of someone like Ben. But again, the plot wouldn’t have worked unless Luke’s entire character is fundamentally altered so that he’s a crotchety recluse who lacks the Force-awareness even characters like Leia seem to have.

No chance to process the events on Snoke’s ship

There is a total lack of Rey processing what happened on Snoke’s ship in the script. One minute she and Ben are literally tearing apart Luke’s lightsaber after they’ve turned on each other, and seconds earlier they killed a dozen elite First Order Guards after Ben executed Supreme Leader Snoke, who moments before had been torturing Rey. And the next minute Rey’s on the Falcon, with Chewie, shooting at TIE Fighters and seeming totally chill. There was zero time to process the impact of everything that happened to her, and given that the whole reason she went to Snoke’s ship was to save Ben, it beggars belief that she’d be so cavalier after having him reject her so spectacularly.

Holdo

I love Laura Dern, and she did a fine job with the limited material she was given (ugh, that “may the For--” “oh i’m sorry, you go” “no you go!” exchange with Leia was cheeseball to the extreme), but there were three elements of Holdo’s character that didn’t make a lot of sense:

Why not tell people, or at least Poe, that she still had a plan, that the transport ships weren’t just going to fly randomly into space but that she had a destination in mind? Instead, Holdo, who seemed very capable, suddenly seems like she’s ok with letting mutiny foment on her watch because….why? She thinks Poe is a flyboy? It wasn’t good leadership, and she could still have inspired hope without seeming like she was without a plan. How is acting like everyone’s probably going to die an inspiring approach for a leader to take?

Why was Holdo, who is ostensibly a brilliant, seasoned, compassionate general, the ONLY PERSON who can fly the cruiser’s suicide mission? Surely there was a low-level tech or even a droid for god’s sake who could have done it? Her death seemed to exist to ensure there was a “heroic sacrifice” moment for the rebellion, which felt very contrived and not authentic.

Why did Holdo wait so long before kamikaze-ing!? I can understand that due to the magic of editing less time may have passed from her perspective than the audience’s (as we are cutting back and forth to simultaneous action elsewhere), but we still watch Holdo sitting there while at LEAST 3-5 rebel transports get destroyed before she decides to ram Snoke’s ship. Like, she KNEW she was going to die on the cruiser, so why not ram Snoke immediately, or at least after he destroyed the first transport? Holdo standing there and looking stricken and helpless while the rebels are getting shot like fish in a barrel felt almost comical. It was so obvious that she had to ram the ship that it was frustrating that the plot forced her to wait so long.

The Knights of Ren

Someone else pointed this out online, but: where are the Knights of Ren? What is that? Why introduce it if it’s never mentioned again? Will these guys ever crop up? How do they fit into Ben Solo’s backstory?

Luke’s other students

Yet again we get a mention that Ben Solo left Luke’s academy with a few students he had turned to his cause (or, presumably, who Snoke had turned to his cause). What happened to them? How come Luke isn’t torn up about them, too?

Things I really disliked

Let’s start with a bunch of little things that really bugged me:

Ackbar dying offscreen

Ackbar is one of the most iconic characters from the original films (at least to fans) and he deserved a bit more than being killed offscreen. He could easily have been one of the many ship captains that Holdo watched go down with their ships via hologram as they were picked off one-by-one. Using him that way would really have upped the stakes as we watched a beloved character from the original film die in a heroic but senseless way.

Luke throwing his father’s lightsaber away

Yeah, this was very out-of-character for Luke. That lightsaber must hold a LOT of significance and memories for him. To see him toss it away so callously just felt like people wanted a funny beat to end the scene on more than they wanted to stay true to the character. It didn’t ruin the movie for me, but it definitely IMMEDIATELY gave me the sense that they didn’t have a good handle on Luke’s character.

The New Republic falling so easily

In The Force Awakens, it is heavily implied that the galaxy is relatively peaceful place and the remnants of the Empire have retreated into obscurity. Admittedly, I’m not as well versed in the SW political structure as I used to be, a quick google search confirms that as recently as 6 years prior to The Force Awakens, there was still a galactic senate looking after things. Given that’s the same New Republic senate that gets destroyed by Starkiller Base in The Force Awakens, it makes you wonder how easy it is to take over a galaxy? Like, right now any kind of large scale continental invasion is prohibitively complicated and costly. Similarly, subjugating literally dozens of worlds is not a cheap, fast, or simple affair. It’s quite time-consuming, and requires extraordinary resources. It seems rather convenient that the Imperial Remnant could build up such a devastating fleet without the New Republic noticing, but also improbable that any Imperial Fleet could immediately establish control over the WHOLE GALAXY (remember, no one answers Leia’s distress call at the end of TLJ) by blowing up ONE planet.

It reminded me of late-period Game of Thrones where characters would just stab each other and “take” that person’s power. GoT spent almost 4 seasons demonstrating that it didn’t work that way--stab the man at the top and you might find yourself with no power and surrounded by enemies--only to do an about face in the last three seasons on that point. TLJ felt like it did the same thing. We’re told the galaxy is huge, and full of different planets and species and people, but then the First Order blows up one planet and everyone falls into line? Way too convenient.

The slave kids on Canto Bight

Is it just me or does the SW franchise seem to present a really happy-go-lucky depiction of child slavery? Anakin and Shmee’s enslavement to Watto was frequently played for laughs, even the bit when Anakin was giggling about the explosive device planted in his and his mother’s brains that would detonate and kill them if they tried to run away. 

Similarly, Rose and Finn stumble upon these slave-kids who are forced to care for alien race horses, and they save the bulk of their sympathy...for the horses? Like, I get it, animals in captivity are sad and we want to free them...but there were literal child slaves there that Rose and Finn did not seem in any way concerned by.

Like, when the one kid presses the button to free the horses all I could think was “Man, he’s probably going to get whipped to death for that! Why don’t Rose and Finn seem to care?” The fact that the movie KEPT RETURNING to them, too, felt a bit odd. These kids are enslaved on a pleasure planet that caters to rich arms dealers, and based on how the casino treats the alien-horses, I can’t imagine they treat their child-slaves much better.

So that just took me out of whatever scene the kids appeared in.

The bad dialogue

There were so many moments were the film was clearly going for some kind of iconic, powerful line (like ESB’s “Do or do not, there is no try.”) but fell miserably short. The ones that spring to mind:

The repetitions of “We are the spark that will light the fire that will burn down the first order.” It got cheesier with each person who said it.

Poor Rose got some of the worst lines:

“I want to smash this lousy beautiful city to pieces”

“Finn, we’ll never win by fighting what we hate, we’ll win by saving what we love…*dies*”

Captain Phasma’s “No! Don’t kill them quickly. Make it painful”made me groan AUDIBLY. It was such movie-speak for “Don’t hurt them! Let them escape!”

Anytime a character discussed hope and whether it was all gone, or how much was left, and who had it, and who didn’t, and oh it’s back, and hey here’s this Force-sensitive slave-kid he’s got hope too now because of his decoder ring

Any of the “yee-haw that’s one hell of a pilot” type lines from Poe or Finn.

Now for some more substantive problems:

Leia’s resurrection and Force-propelled spaceflight

This bothered me on a bunch of levels:

This would have been a good send-off for Leia. She got a lot of good moments in with Poe prior to Ben’s attack, and she really drove home the idea of how important it is for Poe to learn to be a leader. That would have been an excellent time for her death, as it would catalyze those last words to Poe, and make them really mean something. Instead, she comes back and snickers with Holdo at how thick Poe is. It’s not bad, it’s just a missed opportunity that became disappointing.

The movie seemed to care about, but then immediately stop caring about, Ben’s relationship with Leia. As far as Ben knows, Leia dies when that other TIE pilot blows up the bridge, but we never see Ben reacting to either her “death” or her resurrection (which he doubtless should have been able to sense through the Force). Leia sensed Han’s death, so shouldn’t Ben have sensed the massive amount of Force energy Leia must have used?

This was one of several scenes where I found myself asking “What the fuck are the rules anymore?” I’m not trying to be a Force-purist or anything, but as a regular member of a movie audience, a lot of the reveals in the movie felt very out-of-left-field. I get that Jedi are essentially superheroes in space, but it makes “the Force” into a bit of a plot device that can get them out of any situation. It’s further compounded by characters like Leia, and Rey, who have little to no training in the Force but who, when the situation dramatically calls for it, are able to perform tremendous feats of skill and power. If we don’t see them training and struggling with these abilities building up to those moments, then the impact is not only lessened when they occur, but the suspension of disbelief is violated. It just introduces new powers and new abilities with no groundwork or grace, and that makes it hard for audiences to stay in those moments. It then becomes a challenge for them to come up with reasons those characters DON’T continue to use those abilities. On the one hand, I can understand the whole shock/trauma-activated-ability idea, but on the other if you discover you have the ability to withstand the vacuum of space and fly through it, wouldn’t that be an ability you’d want to pursue and become better at?

Overall, though, it felt narratively cheap because we took a character who’s very much been established as NOT skilled in the Force, and had her suddenly pull off something that we hadn’t even imagined Obi-Wan or Yoda at their height could do. I’m not attacking it on scientific grounds, or even trying to say “The Force couldn’t do that!” I’m just saying that from a storytelling perspective it felt deeply unsatisfying and out of place.

Snoke

Snoke in this film was a big letdown. At first, it seemed like they had something interesting planned for him. We got to see him in the flesh early on and he had his own kind of unique menace. They got Andy Serkis to play him so clearly he’s an important part of this story. His origins and motivations are shrouded in mystery and his power level is clearly off-the-charts. It was all setting up our expectations for later reveals, or deepening his motives, or making him even more threatening.

Then he dies halfway through the film and we never learn a single new thing about him. I’m all for zagging when the audience thinks you’re going to zig, but TFA and TLJ invested a sizeable amount of their running times establishing Snoke as this big threat, who was connected to story in ways we didn’t understand yet. I can understand killing him off unexpectedly, but to do it without exploring more of his character, or setting up anyone to take his place is a big letdown.

To be clear, I understand that Ben is going to be the new Big Bad, or at least until the end of the next movie when he comes back to the light and the new Big Bad for the NEXT trilogy shows up, but Ben is not a good replacement as a primary antagonist. I mean, we know he will either be saved, like Vader was, or die heroically helping the rebels. There aren’t a lot of other directions to take him in--having him be uncomplicatedly evil would feel like a betrayal of his character up until now. I also get that Ben is slightly different than previous antagonists because he doesn’t care for the structure and regimentation of the first order, he just wants to rule as he sees fit. It’s just that that’s...kind of boring. Snoke was interesting because he was mysterious, and we couldn’t be sure what his connection to the Force, or the First Order, or to Ben really was. He was unpredictable, which made him an entertaining villain. Ben, meanwhile, is broody and prone to fits of rage. He’s very much still a child in a mask, and while that can make him intimidating to other characters, it’s not enough for a primary antagonist like Star Wars needs.

Finn’s “arc”

I get the sense that the writers really struggled to come up with something for Finn to do in this movie.

Rey’s arc was clearly connected to Luke and Ben, and did not have room for a third major figure in her emotional landscape. They may return to moren Finn/Rey stuff down the line, but this movie was first and foremost concerned with Rey/Luke and Rey/Ben.

The next strongest relationship was probably Leia/Poe. As much as I think Leia should have died off earlier in the movie, I think her arc with Poe was a decent-enough one, and will hopefully pay off in the next film, when he learns to take more of a leadership role in the rebellion. Holdo was there to give Poe an antagonist, and although I didn’t love the obvious and constant reversals of Holdo’s character (she’s good, she’s bad, she’s a coward, she’s a hero!), I thought the story pulled off the task it had set itself. Poe learned the lesson he needed to learn, as seen when he counseled Finn against sacrificing himself for the “battering ram cannon” (dumb name).

It feels like the Rey/Ben storyline was locked in, as was the Leia/Poe/Holdo storyline, but then after those two big plots, Finn had no one in the main cast to bounce off, and no one’s story needed his presence. Rey’s apprenticeship with Luke, subsequent surrender to Snoke, and eventual escape to rejoin the Rebels was completely unaffected by anything Finn did. The Rebel fleet’s attempts to escape the First Order did not need Finn’s help, and indeed reached their true objective in spite of him mucking up the plan. All he was good for on a metanarrative level (by the time his actual plan had gone up in smoke) was goosing the drama by alerting the First Order to the defenseless transport ships, thereby ensuring heavier losses for the rebels.

So obviously the writers knew that Finn needed to be there at the START of the story (to pick up with him after the last movie), and they knew where they needed him at the END of the story (on Crait, with a bone to pick with the First Order) but they didn’t really know how to get him from point A to B, nor how to ensure that nothing he does in the interim fucks up the rest of the already-established plots.

To fill the gap, they created the new character of Rose for Finn to bounce off of. It makes sense on paper--she’s grounded while he’s hyperactive, she’s sensible while he’s deeply emotional, she’s a low-ranking rebel while he’s one of the heroes--and all of their qualities make them good foils for each other. Indeed, in that first scene where she finds him trying to board the escape pod they find an enjoyable rhythm together pretty quickly, and I liked the dynamic they established.

But then it all goes deeply off the rails because the writers realized they couldn’t let them do anything that mattered. Finn’s plan had to be unsuccessful because the fleet needed to make it to Crait, not jump away. Finn couldn’t run into Rey while on Snoke’s ship because that would jumble the plot too much. So they had to keep Finn at arm’s length from doing anything useful and it showed.

What we got instead was a really problematic (See below) detour to a planet that didn’t ultimately matter, in search of a macguffin that ultimately didn’t matter, all in the service of developing a relationship with Rose, a character who may be dead and who never had any real chemistry with Finn.

I honestly wish they’d thrown out that whole thing and found a different way to incorporate Finn into either Poe or Rey’s story, because clearly they don’t have great ideas when he’s on his own.

Hyperspace tracker subplot

One of the biggest problems I had with the movie was the “First Order tracking the rebels through hyperspace” subplot. Almost EVERY ASPECT of this was a disappointment, and here is why:

Hux’s Plan First off, there’s a moment early on where Kylo walks in on a conversation between Snoke and Hux where Snoke is congratulating Hux on his clever plan, saying something about how a cur’s weakness can be his strength. It seemed to imply that some element of Hux’s personality allowed him insight into hunting the rebels, and he devised a singularly brilliant way to do it. But then ultimately it was just “the First Order are tracking the rebels through hyperspace” and that seems like, I dunno, ANYONE could have devised that plan. There was nothing to the plan that indicated ONLY Hux could have come up with it. He doesn’t seem to possess any kind of advanced scientific or technical knowledge and his strategy (Track them until they run out of fuel) isn’t exactly complex, or subtle. It’s fairly obvious. I kept waiting for a further reveal that Hux had convinced a high-ranking rebel to defect and feed him information, or SOMETHING to explain why Snoke seemed so impressed and satisfied with his plan. But it never came.

Also, how are we to believe that Rose, who is essentially an electrician, would be able to disable a high-level First Order specialized system in such a way that no one notices? It just felt super convenient that this tradesperson that Finn runs into randomly possesses the ability to effectively and secretly disable the ONE thing  the First Order has been using to track the rebels. Remember, Dj the hacker only opened the door to the stupid thing, it was Rose who said she could secretly disable it all on her own.

Compounding all that letdown is the fact that, in the end, “disabling the tracking device” was barely different than “disable the tractor beam on the death star” in ANH. Just like the tractor beam on the Death Star in ANH, in TLJ it’s up to our heroes to infiltrate a massive evil ship and disable this one tiny room that should, when you think about it, be MUCH MORE HEAVILY GUARDED THAN IT WAS. At least in ANH the Death Star tractor beam room was super impressive. In TLJ, the tracker-room was a broom closet with a giant flux capacitor in it, tucked away behind some random panel in a random hallway.

Also, the whole conceit that “there’s only one ship actually tracking us” felt like an easy out, but one that didn’t hold up to scrutiny. If this truly was the last of the rebels, and wiping them out would ensure the total victory of the First Order, then maybe have a tracker on ALL your ships? Even if you’re not worried the Rebels will sneak on board and secretly disable it, you should always have redundancies for critical systems and processes like that. In the case of Ben Solo choosing to fight Luke while the rebels escape, this is an oversight that makes sense. We’ve seen how Ben can be ruthless and clever, but how there are still parts of his personality he can’t control (his need for his master’s approval, his hatred of Luke, etc.). So when he makes the mistake of facing Luke, his shortsightedness makes perfect sense. In comparison, Hux’s failure to properly safeguard this incredibly important tracking device just felt like lazy plotting.

Lastly, I’ll cover this more in a later section, but the fact that this whole entire subplot wound up having zero significance and not actually achieving anything was deeply, deeply frustrating. It’s one thing to do a Bespin-like sequence, where the heroes’ plan goes awry but they still move their arcs forward, or move the plot forward. Like, Luke faces Vader and learns a lot about himself. Leia is ripped apart from Han but finally declares her love for him in the process. Lando betrays them, but then proves to be an ally and helps them escape and joins the cause moving forward. Bespin was an unmitigated disaster in terms of “the protagonists achieving their goals” but narratively it was deeply productive. The entire “disable the tracker” subplot in TLJ only served to deepen Rose’s character who was ultimately wasted in the climax. The rest of the plotline did absolutely NOTHING to change the status quo. It almost seemed like the interaction between Finn and Benicio del Toro (aka DJ) would make Finn into a more Han-like, morally grey character, but then when DJ betrays them it’s clear Finn is a rebel through and through. Ignoring Rose’s character, what impact did the tracker-device plotline have on the larger film? I can’t think of any.

Canto Bight The problems with this part start right away with the very-hard-to-take-seriously scene where Rose and Finn just basically figure out the entire First Order plan and how to stop them in a matter of seconds. Instead of taking this information to ANYONE, like maybe Leia, they instead decide to contact Maz Kanata because Lupita Nyongo signed on for three movies, damnit, so she’s gonna be in them. Maz tells them the ONLY person who can complete their mission is a codebreaker wearing a special lapel pin. NO ONE ELSE can help them, and Maz would know, because characters repeatedly tell us that she’s very wise.

So they sneak off the ship and land on Canto Bight, which looks a lot like Naboo at night, but whatever. The movie wants us to know that Finn is enchanted by this place, while Rose is not, and it takes very little time for her to detail all the problems with it. None of this is conveyed in a particularly elegant or artful way--Finn stares dopily around at everything while Rose just clenches her jaw and spouts truly godawful lines like “I just want to smash this beautiful lousy city to pieces.” We also get a bunch of alien race horses, and it’s all starting to stray into the realm of the prequels.

Ultimately, Finn and Rose find the dude with the lapel pin, but are apprehended by security before they can talk to him. That is the last we see of the actual codebreaker.

After they meet and then part ways with DJ (more on him below, I hated him so much!), they find the alien race horses again and take off on horseback in one of the dumbest sequences in the film, and definitely the most broad. This part especially, the horseback escape through the city and eventual rescue by DJ felt very prequel-esque. The happy-go-lucky slave kids, the overly-CG horses, the slapstick ride through the city, it was all just too lowbrow compared to the rest of the film.

Benicio del Toro aka DJ I have a lot of issues with this character but they all really boil down to one thing: It’s cheap fucking storytelling:

It’s cheap storytelling to have Maz tell the audience “ONLY the codebreaker can get you onto the ship!” but then DJ can also do it.

It’s cheap storytelling to have Finn and Rose get imprisoned in the cell with a DIFFERENT codebreaker who can do exactly what they need.

It’s cheap storytelling to have a character as resourceful as DJ simply hanging out in jail waiting for someone to what? Also get imprisoned and ask for his help? It doesn’t make sense that if he could stroll out of prison at any point in time that he would be there at all.

It’s cheap storytelling for DJ to be able to steal a weapon merchant’s ship so easily, yet he hasn’t already done that and was instead hanging out in jail for no reason.

Not only does all this make many of the scenes in this plot (with Maz, or on Canto Bight looking for the lapel pin) feel pointless, but it also makes the rest of Finn and Rose’s plot (once they’re off Canto Bight and onto Snoke’s ship especially) frustrating because it all seems so convenient.

The best part about DJ is that, for a second, you think he’s going to contribute to Finn’s arc by pushing him towards being a more Han-Solo-at-the-start-of-ANH-style independent operator, by pointing out that both the Rebellion and the First Order are part of a larger military-industrial complex. For a second it seems like Finn might get some real depth and shading, and an interesting perspective that’s vastly different than Rey or Poe’s.

And then the worst part of DJ’s character is that he betrays them to the First Order as he was obviously going to do and this just makes Finn angry at the First Order. DJ leaves as pointlessly and stupidly as he arrived.   

Finn & Rose getting captured This entire sequence was endlessly frustrating. I’ve already detailed my problems with Hux’s plan above, but Finn and Rose’s capture and subsequent escape deserves its own section because it was so bad.

The first problem is that their hangar scene was clearly written to fill dramatic space, not to function as a realistic sequence of events. Finn and Rose are brought to the hangar, surrounded by a legion of stormtroopers. Phasma insists her troops kill them slowly, which is such a painful cliché at this point that there were multiple audible groans from the audience at that point. The stormtroopers slooooowwwwwwllllly lower laser-axes to Finn and Rose’s heads. Then the ship is caught in an explosion, and when we cut back to Rose and Finn, the literal dozens of stormtroopers who had been surrounding them with laser-axes millimetres away from their necks are nowhere to be seen. Phasma is also gone, but then just as quickly the stormtroopers and Phasma come walking back into the hangar like they were never there. It makes no sense!

Then, you’ve got a very implausible fight between numerous armoured stormtroopers (it seems that in the 20+ years since ROTJ their accuracy has not improved) and two blue-collar workers wearing no protective gear. Somehow Finn goes toe-to-toe with Phasma despite the fact that if she lands a single hit on his unarmored form, he’d go down. Not to mention the fact that Phasma HAS A BLASTER which she chooses not to use on Finn. Her ultimate death was silly, earned a bunch of laughs in the theatre, and had zero drama or tension to it. I love Gwendolyn Christie but she played a horribly written, terribly underused character who never got to do a single cool thing, then got herself killed in the silliest way and went down barely landing a single blow on the unarmored janitor she was fighting.

Meanwhile, there were apparently more stormtroopers but they just kinda get forgotten about. Rose hides and fires a few stray shots, but where did the half-dozen troopers flanking Phasma when they re-entered the hangar after the explosion go?

And then, the capper on this shit sequence, is BB-8 taking control of an AT-ST, and rescuing Finn and Rose. It reeked of the worst kind of prequels-level “wouldn’t it be cool if…?” writing. It was silly, and not in a fun way, but in a really dumb and cheesy way. It was reminiscent of Anakin in The Phantom Menance shooting a bunch of droids by accident when he was hiding in the fighter cockpit, or the nonsense factory escape sequence with R2-D2’s hoverjets in Attack of the Clones.

Structural Problems

There were some massive structural problems with the film, on the following levels:

Derivative Storytelling

The movie felt and looked more original than Force Awakens, but when you look closer it’s still cut from much of the same cloth as the original trilogy. Off the top of my head, from ESB alone, there’s: 

Rey trains on a remote planet with a reluctant Luke Luke trains on Dagobah with an initially reluctant Yoda

Rey’s enters a “Dark Side cave” and has a vision Luke enters a “Dark Side cave” and has a vision

Ben asks Rey, “Join me and we can rule the galaxy together” Vader asks Luke to join him so they can rule the galaxy together as father and son

The Resistance flees D’qar in cruisers and transports while being shot at by the First order The Rebels flee Hoth in cruisers and transports while being shot at by the Empire

The First Order assault a Resistance base on the remote, white salt planet of Crait with AT-ATs The Empire assaults a Rebel base on the remote, snowy planet of Hoth with AT-ATs

Because the base is older, Poe and other pilots are forced to fly slower, less maneuverable and powerful ships Because the base is on an ice planet, Luke and the other pilots are forced to fly slower, less maneuverable and powerful ships

Rey loses Anakin’s lightsaber during a confrontation with Kylo Ren Luke loses Anakin’s lightsaber during a confrontation with Vader

Rey must build her own lightsaber, a Jedi rite of passage Luke had to build his own lightsaber, a Jedi rite of passage, on Tatooine before going to Jabba’s palace

Some of those bits weren’t wholly unwelcome, but I’m really ready for Star Wars to move beyond the shadow of what’s come before. I’m ready for a Star Wars where:

The protagonist isn’t a callow youth about to become a Jedi

The main antagonist isn’t a Palpatine-like dictator

The secondary antagonist isn’t a Vader-like enforcer

The villains don’t rule over an Empire-like army

There were elements of this film that hinted at more creative stories that might get told, but too much of it hewed too close to familiar beats and tropes.

Plot Contrivances

This was a huge problem for me. The contrivances pile up really quickly, and take you out of the story fast. Rose and Finn suddenly sussing out the First Order’s secret plan. Rey is just innately powerful and doesn’t need more than a day of light training with Luke to be super powerful. Rey repeatedly tries to gain Luke’s trust, going so far as to tell him she’s being completely honest with him, despite lying from the get-go about her connection to Ben. Luke declaring that he’s been cut off from the Force for the past X years so he can plausibly not be aware of all the things he should be aware of, like Ben being inside Rey’s head. Maz tells Finn there’s only one man who can do the job, but then they randomly meet another. Phasma tells her troops to execute Finn slowly, giving him time to escape.

The sheer point of fact is, at least for me, much of the story the film told was exhausting because it required constant and new suspension of disbelief. We are already suspending our disbelief quite a bit for a story of space wizards, so I do not think it’s too much to ask for the story to flow logically, and sensibly.

Implausible Timeline

Ostensibly, from the point at which Finn and Rose contact Maz, all the action is compressed into roughly 12-16 hours (since there’s still about 2 hrs left on the fuel for the fleet when they start to abandon ship in the transports). However, in that time it feels like Rey spends several nights on Ahch-To with Luke, while Finn and Rose spend less than a single night on Canto Bight (they arrive early evening and depart the planet before dawn). Perhaps the two planets have different day/night cycles and this all works out, but to viewing audiences it seriously distorts our understanding of how much time is elapsing in between scenes. There were moments where it felt like Rey was on Ahch-To for days but then we cut back to Finn/Rose and only an hour or two have passed, and then back to the fleet and it feels like no time has passed. It’s not a death knell, but it’s just one more thing that caused a bunch of whiplash when trying to process all the different threads.

Status Quo Reset

This is perhaps my biggest disappointment with the movie, far beyond anything mentioned above. I was truly dismayed that this new trilogy is still retreading the same ground as the previous ones, and more than that it seems to be setting us as close to square one as possible and slowing down the progress enormously. At this point in the film, the Rebellion is smaller than it’s ever been, and the First Order is (somehow) nominally in charge of the galaxy. We’ve been here before--it was the first three movies. Only now we’re back to an almost pre-ANH configuration, with every indication that the story this time will move even slower and with even more unecessary detail and sideplots. I can already see the slave-kid with the Force abilities being the protagonist of the fourth, or fifth, or ninth Star Wars trilogy, and indeed the realization that these movies will be coming out like clockwork every year robs them of their lustre and appeal. If they were telling unique stories, and showing me things I’d never seen before, I’d be more excited. But instead they telling the same old stories, and taking me to the same places, with the same people (or same types of people) and it fundamentally just doesn’t look like they want to go anywhere new.

A huge part of the former Star Wars Expanded Universe was the idea that there’s a huge chunk of the galaxy (at least half of it!) that was unexplored and dangerous. There were whole societies there unlike anything we’d seen, and threats, too. I’m ready for Star Wars to grow up and stop telling the same story about the plucky Jedi taking on Darth Evil and his army of faceless fascists. I’m ready to see Jedi and Sith threatened by some new menace, or the fascists subjugated by anarchists who create their own problems. I’m just ready for there to be new stories, but when I look ahead at the road the franchise is charting for itself, it’s deeply, and stiflingly, familiar.

[mauvaisxander]

Fanmix Masterpost

All my fanmixes sorted by fandom under the cut. I’m working on putting all my old fanmixes on it now, and will be updating it as I make new mixes. 

Agents Of Shield

     Daisy

          Fault Line

          Lies Made Visible 

     Daisy/Fitz

          Walk The Line

     Daisy/Simmons

          The Great Unknown

     Daisy/Trip

          Change The Weather

     Fitz/Simmons

          All My Broken Heartbeats

          A New Equation

          I Follow You (Deep Sea Baby)

     Trip

          These Small Hours

Anna Karenina

     Anna/Vronsky

          Constellations And Dreams

Arrested Development

     GOB/Tony

          This Could Be Magic, After All

A Song Of Ice And Fire

     Ashara

         With Grace In Your Heart And Flowers In Your Hair

     Brienne

          I Am Not A Maiden Fair

     Brienne/Jaime

          Only Love Can Save Us Now

     Daenerys

          My Voluntary Blindness

     General

          Put On Your War Paint

     Robb/Theon

          A Shock Of Death

     Sansa

          High On Lullabies 

     Theon

          Blossom Every Broken Part

A Tree Grows In Brooklyn

     Johnny

          Kick Drum Heart

     Sissy

          Aching To Pupate

Buffyverse

     Andrew

          Let The World Spin Madly On

          TV Taught Me How To Feel

     Andrew/Xander

          Big Crush On You

     Angel

          The Fragile Substance Of This Soul

     Angel/Buffy

          This Is Not The End

     Angel/Cordelia

          I Loved A Girl (Who Said That I Could Change The World)

          Miles From Where You Are

     Angel/Darla

          Darkest Hearts

          The Undone And The Divine

     Angel/Faith

          All My Love

     Angel Investigations

          What I Stand For

     Angel/Spike

          Nothing More Sadistic 

     Anya

          Cinder And Smoke

     Anya/Xander

          A Tightrope Tragedy

     Buffy

          I’m Only Human

          Looking For Heaven (Found The Devil In Me)

     Buffy/Faith

          Love Hunt Me Down

     Buffy/Spike

          Damage Control

          Dark Little Heaven

          Fire In The Water

          Love Me Mercilessly

          Take My Hand

          You Are Second Hand Smoke

     Connor

          Monster

     Cordelia

          Shed My Skin

     Cordelia/Doyle

          Going Going Gone

     Dawn

          Boundless And Beauty

          Keep On Dreamin’

     Dawn/Xander

          Speechless

     Drusilla/Spike

          A Dark Waltz

     Ethan/Giles

         Oxford Comma

     Faith

          Clouded With Dirt

     Faith/Giles

          Perfect (In That Fucked Up Way)

     Faith/Willow

          Walking Into Fire

     Faith/Xander

          A Dime A Dozen Kind Of Love

     Fred

          Don’t Lose Yourself

     Fred/Gunn

          I Love You (I Always Have)

          You Light Up My World

     Fred/Wesley

          I Ache For You

     General

          At The Bronze

          Darkest Before Dawn

     Giles

          A Sinners Heart

     Giles/Lilah

          Without An Honest Heart

     Illyria

          Phoenix Throne

     Illyria/Wesley

          A New Empire

     Lilah/Wesley

          Complementary Colors 

     Oz/Willow

          A Perfect Fit

          You Picked Me

     Scoobies

          A Life Worth Fighting For

     Spike

          Battle Born

     Tara/Willow

          Dreams Of Starry Nights

          Every Moment Was So Precious 

     Wesley

          My Lying Technique 

     Willow

          Darkness I Became

          Twilight Galaxy

     Women

          Bright As The Sun And As Bold As The Moon

          My Own Hero

Bully

     Cliques

          Just A Stupid Kid

     Gary/Jimmy

          Shades Of Wrong

          Strange Type Of Chemistry

     Gary/Pete

          All That You Are (Is All That I Need)

Cabin In The Woods

     General

          Doomsday

Choices Stories You Play

     Kenna

          I Won’t Run

     Kenna/Raydan

          I’d Follow

Chronicles Of Narnia

     Caspian/Edmund

          Until The Stars Fall

Community

     Abed/Troy

          Holding A Heart

Cougar Town

     Laurie/Travis

          Hearts Given Freely

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

     Greg

          Never Wanted To Stay

     Nathaniel/Rebecca

          The Chase Is All You Know

     Rebecca/Valencia

          Not Fade Away

Dead Poets Society

     Neil/Todd

          Nothing Like You And I 

Dollhouse

     Adelle

         Last Call For Sin

     Adelle/Dominic

         Falling From Your Grace

     Alpha

         Our Vintage Misery

     Alpha/Echo

          A Taste Of Poison Paradise

          Dirty Little Damsel

     Bennett/Topher

         Two Atoms In A Molecule

     Echo

          I Don’t Exist

          Memories Fade

     Echo/Paul

          Gravity Sings

     Epitaphs

         This House Is Falling Apart

     General

          Go Back To Sleep

          We Do What We Must Because We Can

     Mellie/Paul

          My Sweetest Downfall

     Sierra

          Pins In Your Fingers

     Sierra/Victor

          You’re My Everything

     Topher

          Afterglow Of Rapture

          Dead Hearts Are Everywhere

          What Fine Design

     Whiskey

          Weary Of This Melody

Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23

     Chloe/June

          All The Violent, Sweet, Perfect Words That You Said

Downton Abbey

     Branson/Sybil

          (You’re) The Home My Heart Searched For

     Edith

          I’ve Been Waiting (For My Planets To Align)

     Thomas

          Love Is Just A Lyric In A Children’s Rhyme

Durarara!!

     Anri/Masaomi/Mikado

          By Mistake Or By Design

     Izaya/Shizuo

          Violent For You

Fallout

     Charon/Lone Wanderer 

          You’re My River

Firefly

     General

          We Stood Up

     Inara/Mal

          The Dizzy Dance

     Kaylee/Simon

          Memory Of Home

          The Bed Of Stars

     Zoe

          I Fought The War

Friday Night Lights

     General

          God Love Your Soul And Your Aching Bones

     Jason

          Strength In Pain

     Jason/Lyla

          Too Much Is How I Love You

     Jason/Lyla/Tim

          Carousel 

     Julie/Matt

          She Is The Sunlight

          Wonderstruck

     Landry/Tyra

          I Will Love Until

     Lyla

          Heart Full Of Mess And Lore

     Lyla/Tim

          Burn Me Up

          Never Gets Dull

          Our Love’s The Only Truth

     Matt

          Looking For Wisdom

     Vince

          Everybody Loves Me

Friends

     Chandler/Monica

          I Could Live On Your Love

Geek Charming

     Dylan/Josh

          Movie Loves A Screen

Hannibal

     Will

          Blood On My Name

Harry Potter

     Dean/Seamus

          Makes My Heart Scream Colors

     Harry/Hermione/Ron

          Our Hearts Are Joined

     Hermione/Ron

          The Key To Your Heart

          Will You Be The Queen? And I’ll Be Your Clown

          You’re My Favorite Book

     James/Lily

          Head Over Feet

     Luna/Neville

          Love Planted Deeply

     Percy

          The Higher I’ll Climb

     Remus/Sirius

          Born A Lion

          Lines Of Lightning 

     Ron

          The Call

     Sirius

          Ghosts That We Knew

How I Met Your Mother

     Barney

          That Boy Is All About Fun

     Barney/Robin

          A More Uncertain Future

          Change My Orbit

          Your Perfect Disaster

     Lily/Marshall

          Growing Old With You

     MacLaren’s Gang

          High 5 (Friends Til The End)

     Ted/Tracy

          I’ve Missed You But I Haven’t Met You

          Under My Umbrella

In Your Eyes

     Dylan/Rebecca

          Echo

iZombie

     Liv/Major

          You Mean The World To Me

     Liv/Major/Ravi

          More Than Life

Kill La Kill

     Elite Four

          Dire Dreams

     Ryuko

          Meaning Of Resistance

King Falls AM

     Ben/Emily/Sammy

          My Heart In Your Hands

Les Miserables

     Bossuet/Joly

          A Drop In The Ocean

     Combeferre/Jehan

          Our Own Constellations 

     Cosette/Eponine

          Spoken Words Like Moonlight

     Cosette/Marius

          Sunlight In A Jar

          Sweet Love

     Courfeyrac/Marius

          Finding Something To Do

     Enjolras/Grantaire

          Our Hands Clasped So Tight

          You’re The One (I Had To Meet)

     Jehan

          Marvelous Things

     Les Amis

          A Dream Inside Our Heads

     Marius

          The Way It Ends

Leverage

     Eliot/Hardison/Parker

          I Fall Into You

Lizzie Bennet Diaries

     Lydia

          Sweet About Me

Marvel

     Avengers

          All Is Lost, Hope Remains

     Bucky/Natasha

          Darkness In My Heart

     Bucky/Steve

          Calling Me Home

     Clint/Natasha

          Runnin’ Wild

     Elektra/Matt

          Your Devil Side

     Frank

          Cross The Line

     Jessica

          I Am Steel

     Natasha

          Fishnets And Malice

     Peggy

          Something Good Can Work

     Pepper

          Woman King

     Pepper/Tony

          Love Will Be Our Wings

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries

     Dot/Hugh

          Me Following You

     Jack/Phryne

          Anything Could Happen

          I Can’t Waste A Falling Star

Mortal Instruments/Shadowhunters

     Alec/Magnus

          I Saw Heaven’s Skies In Your Eyes

Neon Genesis Evangelion 

     Asuka

          Raise Hell

     Asuka/Shinji

          Hand In Unlovable Hand 

     General 

          People Are Just People

     Kaworu/Shinji

          A Prayer Left Unprayed 

          C’est La Vie C’est La Mort

          Nothing More Than Stardust

     Misato/Ritsuko

          One More Night

     Shinji

          I Am (Not) Running Away

          Searching For A Paradise

          You Were Just A Wish

Non Fandom

     Bumpy Relationships

          Get Me Right

     Cats

          Nine Lives

     Cheer Up

          Comedy Tonight

     Christmas Filk

          It’s A Fanboy Christmas

     Finnish Music

          Finland Finland Finland (That’s The County For Me)

     Love

          Perfect Love

     Music I Like

          #Back8Tracks

Orange Is The New Black

     Alex/Piper

          Can’t Fight Gravity

     Piper

          I’m A Guilty One

     Rosa

          Gonna Go Out In Style

Parks And Recreation

     Andy/April

          Wrap The World In Ribbons

     Ben/Leslie

          This Whole Beautiful Thing

Percy Jackson

     Calypso/Leo

          A Funny Little Thing

Person Of Interest

     Finch/Reese

         Save My Life

     Reese

          Flesh And Bone

     Root

          Remember Her Name

     Root/Shaw

          I Come With Knives (To Love You)

          Steal This Moment

Pretty Little Liars

     Alison

          I Was Born In A Summer Storm

          One Of Those Ghosts

     Alison/Emily

          A Fantasy Affair

          Law Of Gravity

     Alison/Mona

          Ruthless Game

     Aria

          Hearts From Iron

     Aria/Ezra

          How Fierce It Would Be

          Young Love

     A Team

          Is It Any Wonder That I Feel Betrayed?

     Caleb/Hanna

          A Drug For Angels

     Emily/Paige

          She Keeps Me Warm

     Emily/Spencer

          Shinin’ Just For You

     Hanna/Mona

          We’ll Be A Sweet Disaster

     Jenna

          (You Never Met A) Bitch Like Me

     Liars

          We Are Fire Born

     Melissa

          Secrets That Are Never To Be Told

     Mona

          Boom Goes The Dynamite

     Spencer

          I Am Titanium 

          Last Piece Of The Jigsaw

     Spencer/Toby

          I See Your Face In Every Star

          Lost Without You

          This Love Is Ours

Princess Tutu

     Ahiru

          Dance With Me Tonight

     Ahiru/Fakir

          Everlasting Light

     Mytho/Rue

          I Was Made For You

     Rue

          Blackbird

Psycho-Pass

     General

          Sins Original

     Kougami/Makishima

          Living With Your Ghost

     Kougami/Tsunemori

          Words In My Memory

Puella Magi Madoka Magica 

     Kyoko/Sayaka

          All Of My Stupid Love

Pushing Daisies

     Chuck/Ned

          Star-Crossed Souls Slow Dancing

Revenge

     Emily/Nolan

          For You, I Would Happily Drown

Revolutionary Girl Utena

     Anthy

          All This Sin And Strife

          Hope That Something Pure Can Last

     Anthy/Utena

          Moondance

          Pull Me Home

     General

          Stand And Fight

     Juri/Shiori

          All My Fragile Strength Is Gone

     Saionji/Touga

          Burn The Ashes

Safety Not Guaranteed

     General

          Gimme Sympathy 

Shakespeare

     Beatrice/Benedict

          Crazy Love

     Ophelia

          Rose Red

Shameless

     Fiona

          Shining Stars

     Fiona/Jimmy

          Burn To Shine

     Ian/Mickey

          Every Truth That You Denied

          Hope Is Our Four Letter Word

     Karen

          Baby You’re A Star

     Karen/Lip

          For Just One Yesterday

          The Wonderful Mess That We Made

     Kevin/Veronica

          Here Comes The Sun

     Lip

          Devil In My Mouth

Star Trek

     Cardassians

          All In Gray

     Filk

          Star Trekkin’

General

          The Future’s Not That Far Away

     Sarina/Seven

          Poetry In Motion

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

     Alexander/Nog

          A Sky Full Of Stars 

     Bashir

          Real Human Being

     Bashir/Garak

          Doctor Doctor (Give Me The News)

          Inside The Lies

          Love&Pizza

          Mosaic Broken Hearts

          No Sweeter Innocence

          The War Is Over (We Are Beginning)

          This Could Be Trouble

          Truth In Your Lies

          You Were A Kindness

     Bashir&O’Brien

          As Brothers We Will Stand

     Dax/Kahn

          Your Kiss Is Like A Lost Ghost

     Dax/Kira

          I And Love And You

          Our Private Galaxy

          You’re The Only One I See

     Garak

          Tell You A Secret

     Jake/Nog

          This Perfect Spot

          Underneath The Stars

     Keiko/Kira/Miles

          Love Was Bigger

     Kira/Odo

          (Your Love Is) Steady And Sure

     Odo/Quark

          Say That We’ll Be Nemeses

     Sisko

          Faith Is All

Star Trek: The Next Generation

     Picard/Q

          That Makes Us Human

     Riker/Troi

          A Moment Of Truth

Star Trek: The Original Series

     McCoy/Spock

          Our Calculation 

     Uhura

          A Star On The Dark Horizon

Star Trek: Voyager

     EMH I/EMH II

         Wings Of Thought

     Janeway

          Find A Home

     Janeway/Seven

          Coming To You

     Kim/Paris

          You Make Me Feel Like I Am Home Again

     Kim/Paris/Torres

          Fall In Love With A B Film

     Kim/Tuvok

          The Color Of The Universe

     Paris/Torres

          Falling Is Like This

          One More Chance (To Be Young And Wild And Free)

          Passion Bites

          You Make My Motor Run

     Seven

          Machine

     Suder/Tuvok

          You Are My Temptation

Stranger Things

     Jonathan/Nancy/Steve

          The Sky, The Earth, And Us

That 70′s Show

     Hyde/Jackie

          Don’t Let Me Fall

     Jackie

          Bubblegum Bitch

The Book Thief

     Liesel

          Magnolia

The Newsroom

     Don/Sloan

          Only Love

     Mackenzie/Will

          I Gave You All

          We Are Love And Misery

The Office

     Angela/Dwight

          Working Hard For You

     Jim/Pam

          The Earth Is Warmer When You Laugh

     Kelly/Ryan

          Reckless With My Heart

The West Wing

     Ainsley/Sam

          You Will Become

     C.J./Danny

          As Lovers Go

          Sweet Nothing

Welcome To Night Vale

     Carlos/Cecil

          I Hear Your Voice (And Suddenly I’m Falling)

     General

          A World Of White Blindness

Wicked

     Elphaba/Glinda

          Swan Song

Wolf 359

     Eiffel/Hera

          A Universe Inside Of You