#maths is sooo much more interesting and easy to understand now I need it for blender and programming someday

[transmandrake]

I remember a post saying 'young people today dont know what a folder is on a computer, because phones dont have them'

And like yes absolutely. This is not good.

But

Anyone whose seen the average parents desktop can tell you that even the people who use computers, have no idea how folders work

Im also not sure where the latter comes from. I may be misremembering the exact phrasing but phones absolutely do have folders, at least androids do.

Theres a files app preinstalled on mine, I can even extract stuff with it (on my previous phone I had to install an app to do that. Computers used to need winrar or 7zip, remember?)

Really I think the problem is very few people are at all curious to know how the technology in their lives works. They do not love phone, they did not love computer. They simply contain the things they need to do and care about.

Of course modern phones obscure things and make it harder to access... but I just think that makes an already existing problem worse, tech illiteracy has always been a thing.

[roublardise]

hiii 🥰 2, 6 and 23 for the books ask 💕

hiiii 🥰

2. Did you reread anything? What?

yes yes yes yes!!!! I've actually reread a lot (when you do a ratio of reread/how many books read i think, idk i don't do maths) 🤔 I'm gonna make a little list:

- Murder on the Orient-Express, by Agatha Christie A classic I had read when I was in high school. I remembered the big plot twist, so it was super interesting to reread it knowing it (and nothing else bc I have a shitty plot memory).

- Détective Conan, by Gosho Aoyama I've started rereading them in late 2020, so in 2021 I've read from vol 20 to 78. I've been having so much fun it's sooo good 😭 my bro is also reading them we can be obsessed together 💕 I'm only at vol 78 by now, bc the scans I was reading changed? like the french is now fansub, and I can't read their typography lol. So I gotta read in english, and it's weird to read this manga from my childhood in english, and I also struggle more to understand the cases 😔 I'm taking my time, but it's there, always in the back of my mind!

edit: the reread is only up until vol 50 or so, with a big lapse between 23 and 51 bc that's the vol I owned

- THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY, by Suzanne Collins 💕 Loved loved loved loved loved going back into it!!! I had read it at least three times already, but I hadn't in a few years and idk I felt like it. I didn't plan to, but I took the opportunity to read the prequel as well.

Fascinated bc, well for once I do remember a lot of the plot, but I still rediscovered a lot (with a lot of "wait I thought it went [smth which was changed in the movies]"). But especially when it came to the whole political ideas, like I'm way more political than I was when I've read it before, so I was able to think more about that part of the books. I also had a whole new view on it bc I'm not close to Katniss' age anymore, and I was going "she's so young leave her alone" all along 💀

Masterpiece writing truly Suzanne Collins GETS IT soooo much. And it's not the question but people who gave the prequel two stars on goodreads do NOT get it they can't read imo. All her choices are so deliberate I'm truly amazed it's beautiful, she knows what she's doing!! I was a bit frustrated by the end bc we don't know what the political state is by that point, and I was so curious. But I had to remember that it wasn't the point of the trilogy, not really. It makes sense, it's just a bit frustrating bc I have so many questions about it.

.

6. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

I wanted to (rere)reread Six of Crows, by Leigh Bardugo as well, but I know I'll get obsessed so I had to wait. I was already taken by spn, detective conan, and thg, and I was supposed to finish my master 😂

I wanted to read, finally, Les Orageuses, by Marcia Burnier. It's about anger & feminism, it was rec to me by a friend bc it's 100% my vibe. But it's one of these books I'm waiting for the Right Time for, and it wasn't this year.

And the book my big bro got me for my bday it seems soooo cool but I wanted to wait until my master to be done to read it! It's Sur les ossements des morts, by Olga Tokarczuk. It's likely there's an english title somewhere bc it got a Nobel prize, but it's a polish book so it won't be the original title who cares lmao. There's so much in this book deep with meaning I can't believe my bro found that, there's a murder, the main character is into astrology, it's a polish book, it's written by a feminist, and the cover is stunning 🥺🥺 I can't wait to get into it!!!

.

23. What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

Oh well, an afternoon? 😂 It was a book about gender stuff, but pretty basic, it's about giving notions. I've read it when I was planning an intervention around these topics for work, bc my brain is so academical I struggle to write easy definition for some concept so I needed to get back to a "beginner" level.

It was Beyoncé est-elle féministe?, by Osez le féminisme ! and it's so liberal and racist 😭 I didn't know it was written by this collective when I read it, otherwise I'm not sure I would have bother. They contradict themselves from one page to another, and I'm not over a racist drawing in like, p30 or smth 💀

Otherwise I was a slow reader this year, I may have took 3 days for some books, but overall going more around one week.

end-of-year book ask

[gonnabewell]

when i think about the roots of my perfectionism... part of it is paying intense attention to detail as a way of avoiding the mistakes that come with inattention (this is most obvious in the way i take tests, or do math problems, basically the areas i used to make frequent “lazy” mistakes as a kid. i’d go over every math problem 3x before turning a test in, checking for not dropping signs, writing out every step fully to make it clear and easy to check and re-check, etc.) this is how i see it most often explained as to why adhd leads to perfectionism. other parts of my perfectionism, when it comes to things like music and art... i’d say are the usual amounts of perfectionism you’d see in an artist, nothing to pathologize.

but the most debilitating way my perfectionism manifests is when i pour way too much into assignments and projects that should be easy/that everyone tells me to “bullshit.” usually things in the humanities, like writing assignments, film assignments, outlining/other facilitated reading assignments, worksheets with short answer questions, presentations or projects with art components that are meant to be easy and boost your grade/look good... and i realized that the motivation behind it isn’t necessarily achieving perfection, but achieving a level of depth that makes the assignment/project actually worth doing to me—essentially, triggering hyperfocus by making it something genuinely intellectually engaging. for example, in gov last year, i couldn’t make myself do the short daily assignments where you’d simply read an article and write a surface level, short, informal response. i just couldn’t make myself. it was intended to be busy/easy work, and in class i just...wouldn’t do it. it was only when i went home, and took a good hour to actually engage with the article and write an in-depth response that i could even make myself begin the task. otherwise, it was impossible. (and then of course id fall behind and it would pile up, etc.)

and this was how i approached nearly every assignment. i physically could not do it if it didn’t interest me, so i had to go to extremes on my own to shift the goal posts and make it into a task that would spark that genuine interest, and then i would have fewer problems sustaining the effort unless it was just, unavoidably repetitive or something like that. in fact, i’d often get super super into it, to the point of totall overkill. and it worked for a while!

in middle school, when i had literally no homework, i could spend hours outlining my entire science textbook in-depth and following whatever tangents of interest would arise until i’d learned the material to the point of overkill (which id then be bullied for lmao). but in high school, the more work that piled up the less sustainable this approach became. and as i started missing more and more deadlines and giving up on timeliness entirely, eventually deadlines couldn’t trigger hyperfocus either. it’s really interesting to me when i analyze these behaviors through a lens of what i now believe to be adhd, because it explains so much why my efforts in school were always so inconsistent. why i could dedicate sooo much time to things that genuinely interested me to the point of being labeled an overachiever (even though that didn’t feel accurate to my motivations), but i never was able to just sit down and memorize my times tables. (like, literally, i memorized my multiplication tables by accident eventually. i didnt know my 7 times tables until like sophomore year.)

and the reason why my struggles with attention were never obvious at all? because for the longest time (until high school broke me entirely lol), i was just genuinely interested in most things, and most (not all) teachers would let me draw or read to stay focused because i was a good student. god i just think about how different pre-calculus and physics were in junior year. i loved physics and it was intellectually rigorous and my teacher loved me, and didn’t mind my zoning out or doodling (or even straight up sleeping) in class because i was smart and got good grades. but my precalc teacher hated me, because everything in that class was rote memorization and repetition, and i just couldn’t do it. not for lack of trying! i told her: “point me to the proofs, and i’ll go home and be able to learn it! i just can’t memorize it, i can’t stay focused”...but then it turned out we were learning things that, although super easy and boring to execute, the proofs for were incredibly complex and would often require calculus to comrehend. and here i was, frustrated, because WHY THE FUCK THEN ARE WE LEARNING ALL THIS BEFORE TAKING CALCULUS IF YOU NEED CALCULUS TO ACTUALLY FUCKIN UNDERSTAND IT?? anyways, that was the first class i ever got a b in because i just couldn’t. and my teacher ended up thinking my inattention was contempt when really i just could barely keep it together. i’d never before had a class, believe it or not, where i couldn’t use my normal “perfectionistic” coping mechanisms to trigger hyperfocus. ever. at all. the class wasn’t demanding and it was an “easy a” and i felt so stupid for not being able to just do what everyone else was doing! and, to make matters worse, almost every day for months she’d call me out for drawing or not having homework in front of the whole class (rsd hell), until eventually she gave up on me.

i could probably go on and on about how these behaviors made school impossible for me by my senior year. but what matters is that now i understand it differently through an adhd lense... and i think it makes much more sense? the way i would explain it concisely would be: in school i relied on raising my personal standards to make boring assignments more intellectually rigorous and trigger hyperfocus. of course this method eventually failed and then i was left paralyzed unable to do anything, yet still with the same perfectionistic mindset. my standards are all or nothing at all, because my attention is all or nothing. at least, that’s my current theory lmao. this might all sound like deranged ramblings to anyone else... originally this post was not supposed to be long but it’s mostly just a way for me to document myself so? yeahh lol

[lifeofyellowpearl]

Yellow Pearl Goes Over Old Files: Transfer of Power

As I continued to look through the colony archive documents, I happened across another old file. It was a transfer of power agreement that officially established Pink Diamond’s rule over Earth.

I still remember how excited Pink was to have her own colony. It was originally supposed to be one of White Diamond’s colonies; an extension of one of her own sectors. White was understandably reluctant to hand over the colony to Pink but after a bit of pestering light convincing from Blue Diamond, White agreed. This was a huge deal. Earth existed on the outskirts of sector F5. If this colony was successful, then the elder diamonds would allow Pink to secede from F5, essentially making Earth the start of her own sector.

Pink was new to running a colony and since she had lost her first pearl, I was to be her temporary stand-in. I never like the idea of being away from My Diamond for an extended period but at the very least, addressing a diamond is somewhat easier for me than addressing a normal gem. I was standing alone in the moon base that was originally supposed to be White’s, waiting for Pink to arrive. The base still maintained its white interior. I looked over at the center terminal. I wasn’t used to seeing it unmanned. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to walk over and sit at the terminal, but I knew better. I laughed at the very thought. A regular gem sitting in a diamond’s seat! How ridiculous!

As always, the surrounding glass dome gave a full view of the outside. It was ‘nighttime’ on this moon – a night which lasts nearly two decimal weeks. There was plenty of light being reflected by the Earth, but it was still rather dim. I had once been told that the moon was ‘as white as the diamond herself’ but in this light, the whole surface was a depressingly dull grey. This moon also had no atmosphere which meant there was no air to carry sound. There was no ambient noise seeping in from the outside, so the room was eerily quiet.

After a few moments, I could hear what sounded like a faint humming noise. I looked around to try and figure out the source. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that the noise was coming from me. What I was hearing were the molecular vibrations pulsating from my gem. Each gem ‘vibrates’ at a unique frequency – recognizing these signature frequencies is how sentries are able to identify us. The vibrations aren’t usually audible but, in a place, as quiet as this, they could be heard. It was strange to hear.

I was startled by the sudden sound of the warp pad activating in the lower chamber. I could hear Pink slowly moving up the stairs. I got into position, gave my salute and waited…and waited…and waited. She sure was taking a long time to get up here. Normally Pink hastily strode through these buildings, so much so that even the elder diamonds sometimes had a hard time keeping up. Finally, Pink Diamond came sidling up the stairs with her eyes fixed on the ground. I could tell that she wasn’t all here – I don’t think she even noticed me.

“Uh…Pink Diamond?” I said.

Pink looked up at me with a slight start, “Oh! Uh…hey…” Pink tried to put on a cheerful façade. “You must be my…stand in pearl.”

“Temporarily yes. Since you’re new to all of this, I will be helping you in learning the fundamentals of overseeing a colony. I took the liberty of organizing everything you’ll need to know in an electronic binder.” I opened a holo-screen containing the binder and handed it to her. Pink stared at it blankly.

This worried me. Did I mess something up? “Is something wrong, Pink Diamond?”

Pink looked up with another start, “No, it’s just…my Pearl…”

“Your Pearl?” I was confused for a moment, then I remembered that Pinks pearl had just been…taken away.

Not wanting to dwell, Pink quickly changed the subject. “So, Yellow put this binder thing together, huh?”

“Well no. She only sent me a few files, but I wanted to make this as easy for you as possible. Which is why I put this together.”

“Wait, you put this together all on your own?”

“Well, yes.”

“Wow! That’s really impressive!”

Even then, compliments made me uncomfortable, “It’s nothing really.”

“It’s not nothing. It’s really cool that you did this. You must be a pretty cool pearl.”

“Um…sure.” Seriously, enough already. It really wasn’t that impressive.

Luckily for me, Pink’s short attention span got the better of her as the command terminal caught her eye. “And there it is, my very own command terminal!” A giddy Pink Diamond strode over to the terminal and gazed at it, “God, this is just so exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time. I’ll be leading my own colony and soon after that, I’ll be in charge of my very own sector! For once I’ll be able to do things my way. No one to tell me how to run things. No one to tell me my ideas are dumb. I’ll be free to do whatever I want.” I could already tell that Pink didn’t fully understand the limitations of her reach. Yes, she’d soon have her own sector, but she’d still have to work with the other diamonds to get things done. Pink then turned to me and beamed “Do you wanna hear some of my ideas?”

Not really, we had a lot of things to cover, but I couldn’t exactly say no, “I suppose.”

“Awesome! Check this out!” Pink pulled up a holo-screen and handed it to me. It appeared to be a crude schematic of some sort of spherical device with a bunch of equations sprawled on it.

“Um…what is it?” I asked.

“Are you ready for this? I call it…The Black. Hole. Bomb!” Pink waved her hands apart while wiggling her fingers in some sort of presentative display.

“‘Black Hole Bomb?’”

“Yeah! So, like, you know how we use dyson spheres as our main power source? Well isn’t it weird how we’ve been using the exact same technology for centuries? No change? No improvements?”

“I mean…I guess.”

“Exactly! I’ve been doing the math and dyson spheres waste about 4 percent of the energy they produce. Not to mention they’re not as durable as they could be. Why with the weapons we have now, we could easily damage one. And they’re major resource hogs. We have to dismantle entire planets just to build one. Do you know how many potential colonies we’ve had to destroy to keep making those things? It’s time for a change!”

Pink Diamond had a point, but I was having a hard time making sense of her schematic. “Sooo how does this thing work?”

“Okay so like, you know how some stellar massive black holes spin, like, super fast?”

“Uh huh…”

“Well, what if we could harness that kinetic energy? Picture this! We build a giant mirror around a spinning black hole and shoot electromagnetic waves into it. Pew! Pew! Pew!” Pink pantomimed as though she were firing a laser rifle. I couldn’t help but titter.

Don’t laugh, you stupid clod, I thought, she’s still a diamond.

“So anyway, the waves would bounce off the reflective surfaces and slosh around in the black hole’s spinning ergosphere, gathering more and more kinetic energy so that the waves become supercharged. We would then harness the energy of those supercharged waves and convert it into electricity. If we did that, we’d have enough energy to power our colonies for trillions of years! Just think of the possibilities!”

“That’s certainly…interesting.” I tried as hard as I could to take her idea seriously but just couldn’t. I mean, the whole idea just seemed so silly.

“This isn’t even the only idea I have.”

“Pink Diamond, we really should be getting back to…”

Before I could finish, an excited Pink Diamond pulled up two more holo-screens, “Look at this! I have an idea for a star-powered engine that can move entire solar systems and way to turn light into matter.”

“Turn light…into matter.”

“Yeah! I don’t have the specifics worked out yet, but I’ve hypothesized that you can convert photons into atoms by smashing them together at just the right angle. If we could perfect that process, we could create materials essentially from nothing. Think about it, the galaxy is vast but it’s not infinite, we’re going to run low on resources eventually, right? So, if we could find a way to perfect the process of turning light into matter then we wouldn’t have to worry about running out of materials and junk.”

Is this some kind of joke? I thought. That’s when it hit me, a joke, of course! When I realized what this really was, I started to laugh, “Oh Pink Diamond! I must say you really had me going for a moment there.”

“Had you going? What do you mean?”

“My Diamond always said that you have a fun sense of humor! ‘Black Hole Bomb,’ how silly!” After taking a moment to wipe the tears from my eyes, I looked up at Pink and noticed that she wasn’t laughing. In fact, she looked a bit despondent. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I…wasn’t joking.” She said.

At that moment, a wave a shame washed over me Oh god, I thought, she wasn’t joking! Of course, she wasn’t joking! I fell to my knees, “Oh Pink Diamond! I’m so sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking!” I was beside myself! I couldn’t believe that I had just insulted a diamond!  “Stupid Pearl!” I shouted as I began to repeatedly smack my temple, “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”

Before I could hit myself again, a hand grabbed my wrist. For a split second, I thought it was K’s. I looked up and saw Pink Diamond, knelt to my level, a look of genuine concern on her face. I didn’t understand. What did she, a diamond, have to be concerned about? I’m just a pearl after all. “Pink Diamond, I…”

“Hey, it’s okay.” It was strange, she didn’t speak to me like a diamond normally would. She spoke to me like a friend. It was calming and discomforting all at the same time. Pink helped me to my feet and smiled at me. Still ashamed of what I did, I lowered my head.

“Hey, I get it,” she said, “my ideas are ambitious and maybe they are a little out there. I don’t expect many gems to jump on them right away. But once I put them in action, I’m sure they’ll come around.” Pink turned and looked up at the Earth, “This colony is only the beginning.” She said, “Gems may not believe in my ideas now, but they will. When I finally start building my own sector, I’ll be able to run it my way. Gems won’t be afraid to talk to me or feel pressured to ‘stay in line.’ In my sector, gems will be free to do and say whatever they want. They’ll be free to share their ideas and their inputs, and it won’t matter where they stand on this stupid hierarchy. Whether they be quartzes, jadeites or even pearls. Everyone will be free to contribute however they so choose.

“The Diamonds may think it’s unrealistic but just you wait! When I get my ideas off the ground, my sector will be the most high tech and efficiently run sector in the whole galaxy! And when the diamonds see how amazing it all is, they’ll finally see things my way. They’ll understand the value of letting gems live how they please and I’ll finally be able to persuade them to throw out this dumb cast system.” I didn’t agree with any of this. I like the caste system. Sure, I’m at the bottom, but I like the bottom. I’m just fine serving My Diamond. If the caste system got thrown out, where would that leave me?

In any case, I was still overcome with shame, still unable to move or speak. We stood in silence for a while. Pink with her eyes fixed on Earth and me with my eyes fixed on this strange young diamond. “You know, you sound so much like her.” Said Pink, her eyes still fixed on Earth.

“I... sound like her?” I wasn’t sure what she meant.

“Your gem, I can hear it vibrating. Its frequency is similar to my pearl’s.”

“You mean, you can actually hear the difference?”

Pink turned to me and smiled, “Of course I can. The other diamonds couldn’t believe it either. I guess I’m the only one who can tell gems apart based on how their gems sound. Sometimes, just for fun, I’ll alter the frequency of my own gem so that the sentries can’t tell who I am.” Pink Diamond chuckled to herself, “White hates when I do that! The other diamonds still haven’t figured out how I do it.” Pink truly was a strange diamond. I mean, changing the frequency of your own gem? I’d never even heard of such a thing. And then there was the question of why a diamond would want to do that in the first place. I didn’t bother to ask.

“I think it’s so cool that gems have their own signature frequencies,” Pink said, “Gems may look the same, but this just goes to show that each gem is truly unique. The other diamonds may not want to recognize that, but I do. I intend to create a world where each gem’s uniqueness is celebrated, not suppressed and once I get this colony going – once I get my sector going, the other diamonds won’t be able to stop me.”

No, Pink Diamond was wrong. It’s true that she would have more freedom, but she wouldn’t just be able to do whatever she wanted. She would need to work with the other diamonds in expanding her sector. She would be expected to contribute a portion of her output to the empire, not to mention that the diamonds are reliant on one another. There would be times where she would need to borrow resources from neighboring sectors and there was no way the diamonds would be willing to provide for her crazy projects. The Elder Diamonds would still have leverage; leverage that they could use to reign Pink in at any time. Had she not been shattered; Pink certainly would’ve learned this the hard way.

Author’s Note: Some stuff came up and I was out for a while but I’m back now. Anyway, I’m actually having a lot of fun typing up these docs. Here’s a link to that transfer of power agreement.

[disangel]

ELISE & CHRYS: C-A SUPPORT

MORE PEOPLE WERE INTERESTED IN THIS THAN I THOUGHT ... well, here’s the entire support below the cut !

C SUPPORT: Elise: Chrysanthos? Chrys? Are you in here? Chrysanthos: Hello, Mother. Elise: Chrys! You’re okay! Thank goodness. Chrysanthos: Of course I’m okay. Why did you think I wasn’t? Elise: Oh, it’s just I haven’t really seen you around camp during the evening time. I mean, I’ve even checked your tent here, but you always seem gone. Chrysanthos: Er, uh… well, if you’ve been looking for me, then what did you need? Elise: Right! I wanted to hang out with you! Some mother/son bonding time, yeah? I’ve been gone for a long time, so I want to make that up. Chrysanthos: Ah… Um, that sounds great, Mother. What were you planning on doing? Elise: Hmmm… how abooout… arts and crafts! Oh, or we could make flower crowns! Or read a storybook! You loved reading storybooks when you were small. Chrysanthos: Mother… just choose an activity. Elise: Right, right! How about you tell me? What do you like to do nowadays, Chrys? Chrysanthos: Um… nothing, really. Elise: WHAAAT? No way! You must do SOMETHING with your freetime! Chrysanthos: Yeah, uh, I’m free on my freetime. Look, Mother, could we talk later? I’m sort of busy right now. Elise: Oh… but... Chrysanthos: … Elise: W-Well, okay. I mean, hey, a mom’s gotta give her son space, right? Haha… well, I’ll check back later! See you around sweetie. Chrysanthos: Bye. (Elise sprite leaves) Chrysanthos: … That was close. She almost found me out…

B SUPPORT: Elise: Chrys! Chrys! Hi! Chrysanthos: Oh… hi, Mom. Elise: Are you free right now? Let’s play a game together! I have a lot of games we can play. How about hop scotch? Or, if you don’t want to play hop scotch, we can always do something else! Like draw! Chrysanthos: Mom, didn’t I say to just choose an activity? Elise: I know, but still! There’s just so much we could do together. I mean, I want to catch up with your childhood and everything… I know I wasn’t there for a majority of it. Chrysanthos: … Mother, I really appreciate the thought. But I’m already in my teenage years now. I don’t… draw or play hop scotch anymore. Sorry. Elise: Oh… well, um, that’s okay! We can do more… mature things! Like… math! We could count what’s in storage together and maybe get what we need from town! Chrysanthos: Er… math isn’t really my favorite subject. Elise: Ah! Um, well… read! We can read one of those big books together! I could ask Leo to borrow one, and-- Chrysanthos: Mom? Again, I appreciate the thought, but I won’t sugarcoat it. Our interests are different. There’s just no way you’d be able to indulge in the sort of things I like. Elise: But you don’t even tell me what you like! Please, we could do it together! Chrysanthos: No! We CAN’T do it together! Stop trying to get close to me! You lost your chance, and you’re never getting it back! Elise: Chrysanthos! Chrysanthos: Shut up! Don’t follow me! (Chrysanthos sprite leaves) Elise: Chrys…

A SUPPORT: Elise: I can’t believe me and Chrys had an argument like that… I wonder why he got so angry. Huh? What’s with all that noise? … Whoa! There’s a huge crowd! What’s happening? Thug: Heh… ya’ll be an easy one to pummel. Elise: H-Huh?! A fight?! Chrysanthos: If you believe so. Elise: Chrys?! What’s he doing?! H-He’s not going to fight, is he?! (Cheering noise plays) Elise: Chrys!!! Thug: Bring it on, sucker! Chrysanthos: Heh. (swooshing noises) Thug: Huh?! I can’t land a hit on him! He’s too damn small and too damn quick! (punching noises) Thug: GH-!! H-How the-- (punching noises) Thug: GAHH!! (Thug sprite leaves, cheering noise) Chrysanthos: Eat your words, heh. Elise: Chrys! Chrysanthos: H-Huh?! Mom?! What are you doing here?! (screen fades black, returns) Elise: Chrys, what you were doing was really dangerous. You got your knuckles bruised! I was so scared… Chrysanthos: … Elise: Please don’t get into another fight, Chrys. You had me really worried. Chrysanthos: ...I knew it. I knew you weren’t okay with it. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. Elise: What…? Chrysanthos: Mom. I don’t… fighting is what I do for fun. I do that stuff on a daily basis. Elise: WHAT?! Chrys, do you understand-- Chrysanthos: Will you just hear me out?! … I know what I’m doing, Mom. Yeah, I know it’s dangerous. And I know that I shouldn’t be doing it. But I dropped my Troubadour training and got strong and I love being strong. I… I started to learn how to box. And I know you’d tell me to stop if you found out, but I don’t WANT to stop. It’s just… it’s just what I love doing. Elise: Chrys… Chrysanthos: So, no, Mom. I’m not going to get into another fight. I’m going to get into two more fights. Three more. However many I need to. Elise: Oh, Chrys… you should have just told me. I mean, yeah, knowing you’re purposely getting hurt isn’t the best thing I could think of. You’re my son! … I just always wanted the best for you. I know putting you in the deeprealms wouldn’t make you happy… but I wanted you to be safe. I didn’t want to have a son that would die as soon as he came to life. Chrysanthos: … Elise: But… if fighting is what makes you happy, then you can keep doing it. I don’t want you to stop doing what you love! You looked really happy out there fighting that guy. I saw it in your eyes, as worried as I was! Just… make sure you come to me, if you get really hurt. I’m not going to have my own son killed in a measly little slum brawl! Chrysanthos: Mom… I’m sorry. Elise: For what? Chrysanthos: You know… that I couldn’t pick a safer hobby. It’s just… stuff happened when I was younger. And you were around less and less, and… *sniff* Elise: Oh, Chrysanthos… Don’t be sorry! I just want you to be happy! Chrysanthos: *sniff* M-Mom. Elise: What is it, sweetie? Chrysanthos: Let’s… let’s play some hop scotch. And make flower crowns. And maybe read a storybook. Elise: !! Chrys! Chrysanthos: Um… we need the mother/son bonding time, right? Plus… I think there’s some things I need to tell you. Elise: Yeah, yeah! Of course! Oh Chrys, I love you sooo much!!! Chrysanthos: ...Yeah. I love you too, Mom.

[teaacupfairy]

Firstly, your blog is lovely

Heythere, darling!

awww, thank you so much for such sweetwords! this means a lot to me omg

Oh, I might not be the best person atsuch advices, but I`ve experienced this kind of situation too!

I studied with decent grades throughoutthe school years but in 9th grade (the last one because I was going to applyfor college after that) I lost all the motivation and became literally so lazythat I got the lowest grade on my math exam - the grade was still okay forcollege, but the results on it were just ugh

Then in college I`ve lost all the lastbits of motivation, my health became so bad and I just didn`t know what I wantto do in life anymore - just same as you!

First of all, - there`s always a root ofthe whole problem which you should detect. Maybe you`ve pressured yourself toomuch? Or didn`t do any breaks to let your brain rest? Or left out all the stuffyou enjoyed before? It is very important to understand what are you lacking inlife the most atm. Experiment! :) For example, I started my singing courses -didn`t enjoy them much, then started the other courses - became bored withthem, then started a studyblr blog on Tumblr - and omg, this thing so keeps megoing! I`ve met a lot of amazing ppl and just love it in here

Secondly, - there`s a lot of fears inour heads, and our brain adores overexaggerating everything, especially thegraduating part. so, the best way to fight this is to practice - and to practice a lot. it`s good to start a special journal where you`llbalance the practice time with some nice rest (you might enjoy some of your newhobbies tho!) and to repeat to yourself: nothing bad will happen if you actually won`tgraduate. I know, it`s so hard to believe it, butdang - I believe in you, then why not start believing in yourself more? Likec`mon, you are amazing and you`re capable of everything! Be badassss

 Also, yes - it`s very easy to get lostin your life, trust me - most of us, anxious students, actually go through thisphase. You should ask yourself - what exactly do I not enjoy in my currentstudying process? Why I stopped enjoying it? maybe you should just take a gapyear or even - ohmigod! - leave this uni and search for somethingnew, like I did? Our first uni/college might not be a perfect option for us,and mostly we don`t realize it at the very start. just write down all of yourinterests, hobbies and preferences in life - and search for the specialtiesconnected with it! it helped me a lot - I was so lost at the start, but nowthat I finally find my new goal, I`m planning everything bit by bit forachieving it~ so, maybe it`ll work for you as well :) cuz it takes a lot oftime to figure out your perfect future job – and it`s Totally okay! Most of successfulpeople nowadays failed and made mistakes when they were young, but found theirown way, right? We should make some mistakes and get lost at some point to discover our real destination in the end!~

 Sorry it took so long, but this topic isvery important, and I wanted to give you the most of advices I know from my ownexperience

Good luck, ask me again if you need, I`malways ready to help

[gabbylight]

Whaaam

Day 15

So..... Monday became my nerd date and so why not bring her along for some wargaming sessions! From 3 to closing I taught her how to play LOTR... like wow. I’m shooketh... It was actually fun as hell lmao. Isengard vs Khazad Dum dwarves; 500 points and the objective was Domination. Simple and straight forward, I actually nearly lost since I played it easy on her. Till I realize the game was shifting to her favor. LMAO I had to play aggressive and punish her for errors. But nothing much happened besides driving to her place again and sleeping there for the night.

I know we aren’t dating nor we are official but it’s soothing again having someone sleeping next to you. Or using you as a pillow, as soon I became the big spoon in a matter of minutes she knocked out. It took me a minute to ko since I want to make sure everything is okay.... AND BAM. I’m out COLD

Day 16

Notbing mych happened instead of my dumbass going home... but I found out Mohammed lost his V card at the age of 19,.........

Day 17

OH MAN GHE IT WAS BONKERS. We literally drank all night and I had to eat vegan pizza. Hahaha I don’t remember much but I slept with her and for the first time three years I felt calm around her and not tense. Not like my cunt fat loser ex who for some fucking reason need to argue when we are arguing

Day 18

Im at doms apartment.... and it’s 5pm and I’m wasted as fuck. I saw that Dom left a note on my forehead saying she’s at school and she’ll be home soon. WELL WHAT DO YOU LNOW? I WOKE UL AT 5ish AND She’s home already and I’m throwing up liquor out of my ass. Thankfully for her she got me shake shack burgers which I recently tried wit my friends. I stayed for a bit to regain my life haha, played FE3H for the time being and even helped with her project. We ordered food as the usual........ this time I got meat haha. So yeah I chilled at her place, we talked for some time. She was telling me about her self a lot and I listened. But then I got serious and I told her about my IEP... she didn’t say anything at first but was surprised since she asked me. Why do you have an IEP if you don’t look ���slow”. I explained to her how I’m slow on certain topics like math. And baaam dom said oh that’s interesting tell me more. She wasn’t rude nor a bitch like how my ex turned or to be, but she was interested. So I told her everything and at the end of talking she just nodded and said, “you’re not slow Benny, whatever people said like your rude ex, you’re not slow and they don’t understand.”

LMAO I HUGGED HER HAHAHA. And after that we just talked more and then I had to get ready to go home. Literally left my pjs there because I have this feeling I’ll be back again.

But yeah Nothing insane happened besides her getting my life together haha.

Day 19

Winter storm has begun and I’m at my place finishing up playing with my friends until I got a call from Dom for an emergency........... it’s snowing hard.

Her car didn’t want to start so my dumbass who my ex calls me uncaring and cold. Literally change into his winter gear and headed out to Orland at 1am to fix her car.... I’m no car expert but NOT ONLY HER IGNITION IS FRIED HER DAMN BREAKS NEED TO BE CHANGED SINCE THE PLATTINGS HAVE BEEN SCRAPPED CLEANED. I literally had to drive to Walmart and thankfully it’s 24 hours and find the right parts and pads. so for an hour I’m freezing my ass off in the winter storm as I chnage everything in the middle of 2am with snow on my face. And do you know what blows even more I had no damn lights besides the head light I stole from my dad for today...... Thankfully I was “warmed” enough and had her scarf to keep my neck and nose warm. I deserve some kind of suck right now haha. Literally froze my ass for an hour and half........

Sooo now I’m at her place warming up, literally Beau is keeping my feet warm and I have dom knocked cold. Not being a creep she’s smells good lol. But I have a LOTR game today and I need to sleep.... and I have to teach the new kids how to play it.

And before she ko she told me this or something like this, “ you’re stupid Benny for driving out there in this weather, idk why you did it and ik I’m on my period and I’m acting up but I’m glad u came here to help and you’re here.”

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MY STOMUCH DUDE. WHAT, thag made me happy. I want to kiss her RIGHG NOWbut we aren’t dating yet and I need to respect that but I’m still worried. I may of talked to her more than my ex and I got to know her more but I need to play it safe because Lia did a 180 to me 3 months of dating and Dom could do the same.

But she made me cheese wtf 😭

[vivicavira]

Tag Game

sooo i was tagged by some thicc bich @your-taxidermy :0

tag people you want to know better!!

Appearance: hm i’m real short like i’m 5’0 and a half. i have tiny hands and tiny feets. i’m hispanic (puerto rican and cuban) so i’m a little tan but still light skinned. i have a lil beauty mark on my right cheek. i have brown eyes and long eyelashes that instead of fuckin sticking up they stick out so you would never know my eyelashes are so long -_-. i have like brown…reddish…blackish..hair??? but then there’s some blonde?? idk it’s weird i dyed it red last year but my mama wanted me to go back to my original hair and go black soo now i’m stuck with whatever this is?? my hair is medium length AND WONT FUCKIN GROW FOR SHIT. it’s like wavy but straight?? idk man. i have tiny tits and my body is mostly legs which makes me want to cut them off :). i’m like skinny…but not?? it’s weird. my back has this weird natural arch (which i hate). my nose is like a rats from the side but isn’t that bad from the front?? my eyebrows are naturally thin and arched and let’s just say i always look angry… i have braces and…yeah. there’s nothing else really to me.

Personality: i’m gullible, easy to please with certain things, i’m a really deep thinker, i worry too much, i’m shy around people i think are cooler than me, i’m an open book but slowly i’m closing up more and more, i’m bipolar, i fall in love too easily, i’m actually rlly funny, i’m nice when i want to be, i’m constantly going between what i need and what i want, i like when ppl listen to what i say and take it in. i’m good at giving advice for some things. i’m super emotional and a lot of things get to me. it’s so hard for me to stick to one thing for a long amount of time. like i could be in love with someone but then one day my brain tells me “let’s stop loving this person for the little reasons that will mean nothing in a week. idc if they’re the only person that truly loves you. sounds like a you problem” like i ruin things for myself. it’s like my heart and my brain are two separate beings. i’m indecisive. i’m gentle and warm and soft with others and i’m aggressive, cold, and harsh with myself. i have extremely high expectations for myself and for (some) others which when i’m brought back to reality, i’m then disappointed always. i have trust issues when it comes to my heart.

Ability: i can sing (im self taught and never had any classes but i’m actually kinda good), i can draw sorta, i can dance (also self taught never had classes), i’m good at acting (this is my first year being in theatre but i’ve been acting my whole life with my sister. we used to do skits and stuff together but not like funny ones. like straight drama and tragedy. i’m good at making things make sense and wording things a certain way that just makes things click.

Hobbies: o god uh watching youtube, drawing, singing, acting, dancing, crying, being confused, and…tumblr

Experiences: i went to my first youth convention this year and it was rlly amazing. ummm wow i love how can’t remember any thing i’ve ever done?? trust me i’ve done a lot more o god. um oh!! we drove from florida all the way to new york and on the way we almost fell in a corn field in pennsylvania, we were about to sleep in a gross motel but there were roaches in the mattress so we somehow found a much better hotel and when we got to new york my mom pissed herself. i went to china town and the city and it was just such a good time. one time our car broke down on our way to north carolina and it was horrible. also hurricane irma was terrifying. i live in florida so where i live got hit hard. i’ve been through a lot of other shite but this is all that’s coming to mind rn for some reason.

My Life: for some reason my life is so depressing. my mom is always miserable and crying and sick and in pain. my sister is always sick and she’s rlly ill and has a lot of physical issues, my dad works like a dog but still doesn’t make enough money, my mom hates her job too. we’ve never owned a house, always rented. i go through my own problems mentally and emotionally. but my sister and parents are always fighting which makes me shake and scared and it’s hard to sleep. my parents aren’t very understanding (at all) and it’s just rlly hard. but other ppl have gone through and STILL go through much much worse. i have a more than sturdy roof over my head, good quality clothes, a warm bed to sleep in, a surplus of good food to eat, and for the most part love.

Random Stuff: i was in swim this year for my school and i fucking hated it but hey i got my varsity letter so whatever.

i’m horrible at math but i have honors english and i’ve always been on top when it comes to english and language arts but at the bottom with math of any kind. the only math i can kinda do is algebra 1 math.

i like every genre of music. like yes i even like this one country song. don’t judge. i mean i never listen to it but i like it. if you were to shuffle my songs 10 times you’d get 10 different genres. i just love music so much and i have a very strong passion for it. well i have a strong passion for the arts in general.

i’m a freshman but im supposed to be a sophomore but because my birthday is in november florida decided to hold me back in pre-k for an extra year just cuz of that??? it’s rlly dumb i hate florida.

i secretly would love to do cosplay in the future and go to those cosplay con thingies with some other friends of mine (none that i have rn would be interested in doing that in the future so i mean hopefully i’ll make friends like that and we’ll be able to ya know...do that stuff??

i like ensemble stars which i never post about for some reason idk

this is becoming wayyyyyy too long wow

i tag: @itsadarkparadize @hanaejun @lunar-intoxication @jjkboo @fictional-serial-killer @enaaaaaam @anonsx2 @sangweewoo @noodlesforlyfe @mangomud

i mean if you…if you want to of course…heh