#im sorry this is so long and depressing in the middle
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the thing about gamedev that they dont want you to know is that you have to actually dev your game @.@ crazy ! ! !
#bobtalk#slowlyyy making progress on customizing my vn thru the depression funk lol...#i much much prefer working with things that i only kind of understand because i think struggling is fun but also it takes a lot of time tha#t way....#im at a level where i Can code right. i Can code. but im not very good at it. im a jack of all trades master of none kind of guy#(that is to say that i am pretty good at coding to a certain level but i dont have much experience at larger scales.)#and its fun. its thrilling.#its like how i never learned long division so i would always have to do 9000 workarounds to get to answers without calculator.#its like life or death fighting. delectable.#of course if i fail too horribly it just makes me want to blow everything up but theres a delicious middle ground of competency.#you know how it is.#so uh. yeah. im figuring out ren/py screens. LOL#i think if someone who really knows what theyre doing looked at my project theyd want to murder me but thats half the fun <3#not like i have to worry about performance issues on my. uh. visual n0vel.#at any rate its so much better than visualnovelmaker i have so much beef with that program its actually unreal#anyway i kind of sort of have a vision. and its maybe not quite coherent bc im not a very coherent person. but thats okay i think. <3#sorry for talking i feel slightly insane and i needed to let some of that out before Total Brain Annihilation#heart emoji. uh. bye
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daddy's home
summary: boyfriendless, jobless and hopeless, you rush to take the first opportunity you find, which is a nanny position. but the kids are not the only ones you grow fond of... pairing: seungcheol x reader genre: fluff, smut, single dad x nanny AU warnings: kids (triggering, i know), age gap (unspecified), mentions of past cheating, abandonment issues, potential therapy, male masturbation, confessions, blowjob, kissing, eating out, protected sex (unbelievable), dirty talk, size kink, pet names (sweetheart, angel, darling, little girl), sir+daddy kink, unprotected sex (with baby-making goal), breeding kink, creampie, more kids (sorry im ovulating) author's note: this is loosely based on the sitcom the nanny in that there's a single dad with three kids but minus the dead wife trope cuz that's too depressing for my tastes word count: 4.3k
You are desperate. Your shitty boyfriend cheated on you, broke up with you and you also lost your job. So itâs been a couple of terrible weeks. Now, you would take pretty much any kind of job as long as it pays enough for you to afford food and the bills. ASAP.
Single dad looks for a live-in nanny for his three kids. Full-time with Sundays off. Contact this number for more details.
Okay, truth be told, youâve never considered yourself as someone who is good with kids. But how hard can it be? Have you mentioned youâre desperate?
âListen, Miss L/N,â Mr. Choi, your potential future employer starts. âI appreciate your enthusiasm but Iâm not just going to hire you. Iâm looking for someone with experience.â
âWell, I have a bunch of nephews, if they turned out alright under my care, then I guess that counts for something,â you chuckle.
âThatâs very nice but Iâm talking about professional experience. Have you been a nanny before?â
âTechnically, no, but how can I get experience if you wonât hire me?â
âTouchĂ©,â Mr. Choi laughs.
âHow about a trial period? Let me spend some time with your kids under your supervision and prove myself capable.â
Mr. Choi nods reluctantly.
âWell, youâre in luck since my little goblins have driven away five nannies in the past month.â
Oh, dear. Five nanniesâŠAnd here you were thinking this could be an easy job.
âSo, whatâs one more?â you chuckle nervously and Mr. Choi shakes your hand, agreeing to give you a chance.
You are excited when meeting his kids. The eldest daughter - Chaerry is 15, very elegant and polite. You think that youâll have no problems with her and youâll have lots to talk about. The middle child and only son - Dino is 10, extremely mischievous and loud. Youâll definitely have problems. Finally, the youngest daughter, Elsie, is 5, sheâs such a cutie but leaves a mess of her toys everywhere she goes. Itâs easy to trip if youâre not careful, but nothing you canât handle.
The trial period goes by in a flash. Dino attempts to get on your nerves by pulling pranks like hiding fake spiders in your bag and spraying your outfit with ketchup, but you accept all that with an easygoing laugh. Elsie constantly asks you to play with her toys and you need an unlimited source of ideas to keep up with her wild imagination, but it feels more like fun than a job. Chaerry is quiet and doesnât share much at the beginning but eventually tells you about this boy at school she has a crush on. So, you count that as a success.
âI must admit, Miss L/N, I had some worries at first but seeing how quickly my kids accepted you is remarkable,â Mr. Choi shares his observations with you at the end of the trial period.
âSo, am I hired, then?â you beam with excitement.
âAbsolutely, yes. The kids have taken a liking to you and changing nannies so often is probably not great for them, either.â
âSo true. Kids need stability and I would be happy to stick around for as long as youâll have me, Mr. Choi,â you are thrilled not only because you will have a bed to sleep, food to eat and money to spend, but because you are genuinely looking forward to spending more time with these little munchkins.
And spend time with them you do. You're not sure what exactly it is that makes the kids warm up to you, but whatever the reason, it's working.
With Chaerry, you talk about boys and high school drama and make-up. On one occasion, she tells you something that sincerely touches you.
âThank you for being my best friend, Y/N. I know I shouldn't keep stuff from my dad, but he can be so overprotective sometimes it's difficult to talk about...well, going on dates with boys, mostly.â
âAww, Chae, you can tell me anything. It'll be our little secret,â you give her a wink, followed by a hug.
You're not exactly sure what the correct response here is. But you'll make sure to maintain some kind of balance - both look after her safety so that Mr. Choi sleeps peacefully at night and not betray Chaerry's trust in you.
With Dino, after the initial phase of silly pranks passes, you notice that he's become more honest and calm.
âYou won't leave us like our mom and all the other nannies did, will you?â he asks you one afternoon as you're watching TV together.
You haven't asked Mr. Choi what exactly happened with these kids' mother because frankly, it's none of your business, but something is telling you they're a lot more hurt than they let on.
âI'm not going anywhere, Dino,â you promise, though really, it's up to Mr. Choi to decide that.
âGood. It would really suck if you left.â
That's a lot, coming from the kid who damaged like half of your wardrobe with all kinds of sauces.
With Elsie, another strange situation takes place due to the fact that the kid has no filter.
âLet's play family!â
âUm, okay,â you agree without thinking much.
âThis will be daddy,â Elsie points at a stuffed lion plushie and then grabs a tiger plushie, âAnd this is you, mommy!â
âOh, honey. I'm not your mommy,â you try to explain as gently as possible.
âBut can you be? Daddy says our mommy left and has a new family somewhere else.â
Okay, that's a lot to unpack here. Though you don't think it is your place, you'll need to have a conversation with Mr. Choi, because the kids obviously have some kind of unresolved trauma...
One evening, after the kids have gone to sleep, instead of going to your room, you wait in the living room for your employer to come back from work, so you can approach the subject as delicately as you can.
âGood evening, Miss L/N. Kids go to bed?â he greets you as he takes off his coat.
âEvening, Mr. Choi. Yes, they did. I was wondering if we can have a chat. It can be a sensitive topic, I'm sure, but for the sake of the kids, I think it's important.â
Mr. Choi nods and takes a seat next to you on the couch.
âAbout their mother...â
âI was wondering how long it'd take you to bring that up,â he chuckles bitterly. âOther nannies wanted me to spill the tea on day one.â
âWow, seriously?â
âIt's not like it's this big secret, I just prefer not to talk about it unless absolutely necessary. My ex-wife...cheated on me and got pregnant by another man, so we had a divorce and I kept the kids, because she said she wants to start anew with this other guy, and...well, the kids said this is their home and that they won't move. So, I suppose the judge took that under consideration.â
âMy God. I had no idea.â
âYou couldn't have known, considering I just said I don't enjoy revisiting those painful memories.â
âYes, of course, I only meant that...I guess it explains some things. Forgive me for saying this, but I think the kids have some kind of abandonment issues. Elsie and Dino, in particular, they seem to have a fear that I'll leave just like...well, their mom and the other nannies.â
âAnd are you? Leaving, I mean.â
âNot if I can help it. Mr. Choi, your kids are very vibrant and precious to me. I genuinely love my job. But I'm worried that what happened with your ex-wife affected them more than they show. Maybe you should look into therapy?â
âI will definitely take that into consideration. Thank you for your candour, Miss L/N.â
âYou're most welcome.â
âWhat about Chaerry?â
âWhat about her?â
âYou said that Elsie and Dino express these abandonment issues. Does Chaerry not have them?â
âShe probably does, but at the moment she's too busy thinking about boys.â
âBoys? At her tender age? I don't think so,â Mr. Choi immediately goes into ultra alpha protective dad mode and you honestly find it kind of funny. And hot.
âOh, relax, Mr. Choi. It's just typical high school drama. There's nothing to be worried about.â
He shakes his head disapprovingly.
âI'm counting on you. Does it ever occur to you how quickly they grow up?â
âI suppose it's more difficult for you. I've only known them for a few months but I think I get what you mean.â
âYeah...How strange, it feels like you've been part of this family forever.â
You try not to think too deeply about it. He...considers you part of this family. Elsie called you mommy. Dino doesn't want you to leave. And Chaerry talks to you about boys. A topic, which girls usually discuss with their mothers. Oh, sweet heavens. Maybe, this nanny gig is becoming more than a job...
One Monday Mr. Choi texts you not to come to work this Saturday, as the kids will be spending some time with their grandparents (aka Mr. Choi's parents). However, the moment you receive the text, you're too busy trying to escape from Dino who is chasing you with a water gun in the garden. So, you somehow forget to put it down in your calendar.
Saturday arrives and poor Mr. Choi thinks you'd be in your own apartment. Finally, some peace and quiet. His parents picked up the kids early in the morning to go to the park with them so he's all alone and free to do as he pleases.
But alas, you go down the stairs of Mr. Choi's enormous house and make your way to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for the kids. However, it's too quiet. Hm, how strange. Maybe, they're not awake yet? You shrug as you pour some milk and cereal in a bowl.
Oh, you hear some noise from the living room. Is that the TV? Your curiosity gets the better of you and you enter it only to find Mr. Choi in a very compromising position. He is touching himself, watching very obscene things on the big screen!
You are on the verge of chastising your boss for doing something like that in the living room, where the kids could walk in any minute, when you remember. The kids...They're with their grandparents today. Which means that...Fuck, you're not supposed to be here. You should be at your own apartment instead of being witness to...your very sexy and very single employer taking care of his needs.
You are going to sneak back into the kitchen and wait for a more appropriate time to leave the house when you hear it. At first you think you're hallucinating but then you hear it twice. Your name.
âY/N...please, let me-â Mr. Choi moans, his eyes closed, he is unaware of your presence.
However, he doesn't get to finish his sentence because you are so shocked that you drop the bowl of cereal, which shatters on the ground with a loud noise.
âFuck, I'm so so sorry,â you murmur nervously as your boss finally notices you watching him.
His cheeks flushed, his lips pouting, he is the most adorable you've ever seen him. He hurries to tuck his cock back into his pants and turn off the TV.
âN-no, I'm sorry...Miss L/N, what are you doing here?â
Oh, so you're Miss L/N now...Very well, then.
âI apologize. It must have slipped my mind that the kids are with their grandparents today.â
âIt must have,â Mr. Choi repeats coldly, obviously embarrassed by this situation.
You wonder if you should tell him what you heard. Would that be unprofessional? But then again, he is the one who said your name, so...what is professional anyway?
âDo you want me to leave?â
He sighs deeply.
âWhat's the point? You already saw me...fuck, I feel so humiliated.â
âWhy would you feel humiliated? Am I so undesirable that my presence immediately turned you off?â you ask bluntly.
âThat's not the case and you know it.â
âI'm not sure I know anything anymore,â you admit. âYou...said my name. How is that supposed to make me feel?â
âYou were never meant to hear that,â Mr. Choi hides his face behind his hands, the redness refusing to leave his complexion.
âBut I did. So, what now?â
âPlease, don't quit. I realize that what I did is unforgivable but...the kids care about you so much, it would devastate them to lose you.â
âI wasn't even thinking of quitting. But...are the kids the only ones who care about me?â you need to know.
âNo...As it so happens, I care about you.â
âSo, stop hiding from me,â you don't know where that boldness comes from as you grab his wrists and remove his hands, so you can look at his face. Fuck, he's so pretty.
âYou're not...grossed out by me?â Mr. Choi blinks at you in surprise.
âKinda flattered, actually,â you confess. âBut I'd like it much better if you let me take care of your frustrations.â
âYou would?â he is unable to believe his luck when you drop on your knees in front of him and take him out of his pants again, engulfing his cock with your pretty mouth. âY/N...â
The way he says your name is enough to make you even more enthusiastic, sucking him deeper and bobbing your head to the best of your abilities. He grips your hair tightly and you make sure not a drop is spilled as you swallow his cum down your throat. You wipe off your lips and sit down next to him, unsure of what to do next.
âMr. Choi...â
âCall me Cheol, please.â
âCheol...may I kiss you?â
Seungcheol doesn't respond and instead kisses you passionately, grabbing your face with his hands. His tongue is exploring your mouth in ways you'd never imagined could bring so much pleasure and you can't resist the urge to sit in his lap. Somehow, against all reason, he's hard again, as you grind against him. Fuck. He's so hot and sweet and amazing you just want to make him happy. How anyone could cheat on this fine man is beyond you.
âUm...not to assume or anything, but do you have a condom?â you ask sheepishly.
âI do, yes,â Seungcheol goes to his coat and brings a package.
âI mean, don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I think we should be responsible considering this is our first time together and you already have three of your own,â you're probably talking too much but oh well. Better safe than sorry.
âNo, I understand. You're totally right.â
âWill you fuck me?â you inquire.
âHere? On the couch?â Seungcheol is in disbelief.
âWell...you were touching yourself here, but I guess it's whatever. Your home, after all.â
He chuckles, suddenly embarrassed again.
âCome on, let's go to my room.â
Seungcheol offers you his hand and you follow him upstairs excitedly. Is this really happening? Are you seriously going to do this with your boss?
He lifts your chin up because he notices you're not meeting his eyes out of nervousness.
âLook at me,â he commands you easily and you're on the verge of falling apart and he hasn't even undressed you yet. The power this man holds over you... âWe don't have to do this if you're not ready.â
âIt's not that. I do want this. It's just...I don't remember if I told you but I was also cheated on. A little before I came to work here. And like, I haven't been intimate for a while, so I'm nervous. What if I mess something up?â
âOkay, first of all, give me that asshole's address, I just wanna talk. And second of all...darling, I haven't been intimate since way before my divorce took place. Trust me, I'm a lot more nervous than you right now.â
You shake your head.
âWhatever you do, I'm sure I'll find it like super hot.â
Seungcheol laughs and tilts his head, kissing you again.
âYou're so cute,â he whispers against your mouth. âI can't wait to ruin you.â
And just like that, it's as if a switch is flipped. He pushes you onto the bed and leans above you menacingly, a devilish smirk painting his pretty face. Seungcheol pushes your dress up hurriedly, touching you all over.
âYou really thought you could get away with it, huh? Walking around my house in those dresses of yours looking so sexy? Tempting me?â
âN-no, s-sir,â you murmur, not knowing where the title is coming from.
âGod, I'm such a clichĂ©. An old man unable to resist the gorgeous young nanny...â
âYou're not old, sir,â you try to reassure him. You're not sure if he's just engaging in dirty talk or is actually having some insecurities. He's still young in your eyes. Whatever the case, you're there for him.
âDon't lie to me, sweetheart. I'm too old for ya...I have three kids. What do you have, hm?â Seungcheol speaks while caressing your pussy through your panties.
âI have you, sir,â you smile and palm his dick teasingly.
He sighs wistfully and buries his head between your folds, licking and teasing until you're a soaking mess for him.
âS-sir, p-please...C-cheol, don't stop,â you cry out helplessly.
It feels so good, too good. He holds you down, hands gripping your thighs as you cum against his tongue. He barely gives you any time to recover as he rolls up a condom on his cock. You stare at him hungrily, impatient to have him inside of you.
Seungcheol is like the drug everyone warned you about. Once you have him, you won't be able to quit.
âAre you ready?â he asks softly in sharp contrast with his previous behaviour.
âPlease take me, Cheol,â you would beg if you had to.
And take you he does, entering you deeply with his big cock.
âFuck, you're so tight, barely fitting me in,â he speaks, stroking your clit in circular motions with his thumb, while he fucks you harshly.
âIt's okay, I won't break, sir,â you try to convince him.
âWhat if I want you to break, little girl?â Seungcheol inquires, his voice half-joking, half-serious, as he.
âThen, I'd be happy to serve you, daddy,â the word slips from your lips before you could think twice about it.
âDaddy, huh? You need daddy to make you cum?â you are grateful he plays along instead of making fun of you in this very vulnerable moment.
âYes, daddy, please, I'll do anything for you,â you promise in a daze.
âCum for me, sweet girl, let daddy take care of you,â his deep voice is enough to bring you to the edge.
âFuuuck, daddy...Cheol,â you mumble repeatedly, as white appears before your eyes.
You're shaking in his arms but it feels like flying.
âI've got you, angel, daddy's right here,â Seungcheol comforts you, as he rides out his own high, spilling inside the condom. Then, taking it off and throwing it in the garbage bin, he hurries back to you.
You make grabby hands at him and he envelops you in a hug.
âI'm here, sweetheart,â he kisses your forehead gently and you melt against his chest.
âCheol...I think you just murdered me a little,â you laugh.
âWell, then, I better make sure I revive you, because I can't imagine my life without you.â
âGood. You ain't getting rid of me.â
âThat sounds perfect because me and the kids would like you to stick around.â
âOh God, the kids! What time are they coming back?â
âWe've got time, don't worry, they should-â
âDaaaad, we're home!â you hear Dino's loud voice from downstairs.
âFuck,â Cheol curses under his breath and the two of you hurry to make yourselves look somewhat presentable.
Once dressed and back in the living room, you can only hope that you're not too obvious about what went down. However, you can't stop yourself from glancing at Seungcheol and he's just as flustered as you.
âOh, hi, Y/N,â Dino greets you as if it's completely normal for you to be there. As if you belong.
âHow was your time with your grandparents?â you ask, trying to act casual.
âWe had so much ice cream!â Elsie squeals excitedly.
âGrandma and Grandpa took us to the park,â Chaerry starts telling you about everything they did in great detail and you are glad that the shy girl you first met is becoming a confident young woman.
Elsie is asking for more ice cream but Seungcheol is explaining that it's lunch time. Dino is painting the table with mustard and honestly, that's so on brand for him...
It is funny where desperation brought you. You realize this is the happiest you've been in a while.
Later, when Seungcheol catches you alone after spending the afternoon with the kids, he asks:
âI know we kinda messed up the proper order of things, but...would you like to go on a date with me?â
âOh! I'd love that, Cheol. Is it okay to still call you that?â
âYeah, it's alright.â
âWhat about in front of the kids? I'm not sure to what point you'd like to mix professional with...personal life.â
âIn front of the kids is okay, too,â he laughs, scratching the back of his head. âActually, do you know what Elsie keeps asking me?â
âWhat?â
âWhen will you make Y/N my new mommy?â
âYeah, that definitely sounds like something Elsie would say.â
âSo, um, no pressure. But I think you're more than the nanny to me.â
âWell, I would certainly hope so. I didn't raise you, mister!â
Seungcheol can't miss the opportunity for a joke. He takes hold of your hand and places it on top of his...very hard dick.
âYou raised him, though,â he whispers.
âMr. Choi!â you hiss, scandalized. âI mean...Cheol.â
âDid you mean daddy?â Seungcheol teases you relentlessly.
âStop it, you deviant!â you shake your head. âFuck, you'll never let me live this down, will ya?â
âDo you kiss your boss with that mouth?â he smirks.
âDon't mind if I do,â you reply and bring your lips to his.
A year passes by quickly. You love every day of your life. Whether it'll be spending time with the kids, or going on fun dates with your boss turned boyfriend, or having mind-blowing sex with said specimen, you are truly happy with how things turned out for the best.
With one tiny thing missing.
âCheol, can I ask you something?â you mumble one evening, as you are playing with his soft, fluffy hair.
âOf course, sweetheart,â Seungcheol turns towards you, giving you his fullest attention.
âHave you ever thought about having more kids?â
âHmm, it hasn't crossed my mind. I already have three kids. But it depends. Is that something you're interested in?â
âNot till now. But if it's with you, I'd love to have a kid,â you confess shyly.
âWell, then, let's make you a mommy,â Seungcheol quickly makes it his mission and for the first time, doesn't use a condom.
âYes, please, daddy, give me your cum,â you moan wantonly, as he fucks you deep.
âTake it like the good girl you are, I'll give you all I've got, fuck a baby in ya,â he grunts in your ear, sounding even more excited than you are.
âI love it, feel so full,â you whimper and can't stop kissing him. You can't believe this beautiful man is yours and wants to give you another present.
âThat's right, sweetheart, I'll stuff you full of it,â he moans and releases himself inside you. Your walls clench around him, pulling him deeper, as you reach your high.
Seungcheol gently pushes the cum that's spilling out of your pussy back inside and lifts your legs up.
âDo you think it'll stick?â you ask doubtfully.
âCan't hurt to try again until it does,â he shrugs, determined to succeed.
Nine months later, as you welcome the twins into the family, you realize you've never expected to achieve so much happiness.
âYou really had to outdo yourself and give me not one but two babies,â you playfully push Seungcheol's shoulder.
âIs it too late now to say sorry?â he grins nervously.
âDon't be. I'm more than satisfied. But you'll have to give me a raise!â
âI'll give you something better than that,â Seungcheol promises and pulls a diamond ring out of his pocket.
âOh my God,â you are in shock.
âY/N...you've given me more than I could ever hope to deserve. You started off as a nanny but you became my three kids' best friend and now, the mother of two more angels. You became my closest person, my source of joy, my sweetheart. Knowing that I can come home to you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Will you do me the absolute honour of becoming my wife?â
âYes, of course, yes!â you say through your tears and kiss him, as he slides the ring on your finger.
âCan I call you mommy now?â Elsie peeks her adorable head behind the door, followed by Dino and Chaerry, who are all excited by the good news.
âCongratulations, Y/N!â Chaerry greets you with a hug and whispers: âThanks for taking one for the team and making our lonely old man. happy.â
âHey, I heard that!â Seungcheol complains loudly.
Dino jumps on the back of his dad with a loud squeal.
âYou better treat her right, Dad!â the boy warns. âOr I'll ketchup your room!â
âWhy do I feel like I'm the one being welcomed into the family?â Seungcheol bemoans his fate but he's never smiled wider.
âYou'll get used to it,â you joke. âCome on, guys, meet your new brother and sister.â
âHii, babies!â Elsie and Dino jump excitedly around the twins.
âOh, they're so cute! Aren't they so cute, Dad?â Chaerry coos at the babies.
âThey are, but it's too early for you to think about how cute babies are. Look at me...I already have five. Isn't it tragic?â Seungcheol keeps messing around.
âIt could have been twelve or something,â you play along.
âI can't imagine,â Seungcheol cries out indignantly. But deep down, maybe he can.
The End
#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#svt fanfic#seventeen#svt#svt x reader#seventeen smut#svt smut#seventeen imagines#seungcheol smut#seungcheol imagines#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol#writing
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Hi!! Can i request a hurt/comfort hotch x reader?
Reader is starting to feel lonely in the relationship cause for the past 2 months hotch has only been home for a week total and she really misses him. They havenât had time to themselves cause even when hotch is in virginia heâs in the office and him getting called out on a case during his day off happens more often than the both of them want to. and even when they text and call itâs not the same.
anyway hotch comes home in the middle of the night after a case and he just finds reader on the sofa crying cause she just really misses her boyfriend and the two of them finally talk about it.
You have permission to break my heart with the angst and put it back together. I know its long and i have no clue if it made sense so im sorryđđ enjoy your dayđ
àŒâ§âË. đ§đąđ đĄđ đŹđĄđąđđ || đđđ«đšđ§ đĄđšđđđĄđ§đđ«
â pairing: aaron hotchner x plus size!reader
â summary: you knew that being with aaron meant that his job came first, you just hadn't realized how badly it would actually affect you. now, your life and love is on the line.
â warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST!!! you have been warned!, thoughts of breaking up, established relationship, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, hints of depression.
â wc: 905
â a/n: my first long fic back being angst LMAOOOO. i'm not going to lie, writing this kind of bummed me out a bit but that's how i knew it was going to be good LOL. but never fear, i got a few smutty things in the works, so keep a silly little eye out for that!! i love you guys so so much and thank you for your request!
masterlist | AO3
The room felt melancholic. Empty.Â
The sounds of laughter that had once bounced off of the walls of your home now rang silently, one of the only people that knew of the joy that once made your house a home was long gone on a case right now.
You donât know what to do. How could you last like this? How could your relationship? How could Jack?
Jack, the precious little boy that you had taken under your wing even before you and Aaron had ever made it official. You knew he missed his father dearly, but with every large life milestone the boy had completed, Aaron had missed out on. It had gotten to the point where Jack doesnât bother to ask you if he could call his dad to tell him about it, because nine times out of ten, he knew that Aaron wouldnât answer.
So now as you sit here on the couch in the dark with your head in your hands, you canât help but think that maybe this was it, that it was time to consider the very dreaded other option.Â
You tried your best to make your relationship with Aaron work, God did you try, but having to sit there and endure weeks of radio silence, of not knowing whether or not he was alive was excruciating. When he did have time to text or call you, every conversation was more and more distant.Â
Hot tears rolled down your cheeks, and your bottom lip trembled. You crossed your arms and placed them on your knees where you leaned on them, staring out into the abyss of your dimly lit living room. You had just put Jack to sleep, and you didnât want to risk waking him up.
Your eyes solemnly scaled the walls where the pictures of your little family hung, frames upon frames of happy smiling faces.Â
What happened?
It was the fact you were absolutely drowning in your thoughts that you didnât hear your front door unlock â something that your boyfriend would deeply frown upon.Â
Aaron wasnât surprised to find the apartment quiet, what he was surprised to find was your silhouette illuminated by a single lamp. What really set off the alarms in his brain was your shivering shoulders, which could only mean one thing.
âSweetheart?â His deep voice pierced the thin air hovering above you. You just shook your head, any happiness that would have left your mouth died in your throat, the words leaving you was, âWe have to talk.â
You hated doing this, but whoâs to say he wonât get called in tomorrow? No, you had to do this now.
Aaron felt his heart fall into his stomach as he made his way over towards you, gently sitting down on the cushion next to yours, almost as if he was afraid to scare you.
âOf course. Are you okay?â He inquired in concern. You just shook your head again. âThis isnât working, Aaron.â The pain lacing your voice was unmissable. âWhat?â Heâs completely caught off guard, because this was the last thing heâd expected to come home to.
âI canât do this anymore⊠unless â unless we can figure something out but even then I-â He rushes to grab your hand, and it lays limp and cold in his warm and calloused one. âHoney please, whatâs wrong? Tell me what I can do.â Holy shit, heâs panicking.Â
âYouâre never here anymore! I - I canât remember the last time in the past two months that weâve been able to have any alone time together! Most of the time youâre either gone in a whole different state or stuck in the office!â You couldnât stop the word vomit from leaving, all kinds of emotions that had been kept dormant finally coming up to the surface.
You heaved out a deep breath, your body slumping in defeat. âDid you know that Jack learned how to ride a bike today?â You asked quietly. âNo.â Aaron gulped, âI didnât.â
A heavy silence settled between the two of you.
âWhat do you need me to do?â Finally, you looked at him.
There were unshed tears in your eyes, âWhat I want you to do, you canât make it happen.â His eyebrows furrowed. âYou want me to quit my job?â
âNo,â You said with a disbelieving laugh. âI just want you to be there.â
âWho says I canât do that?â His head tilts, his eyes boring into yours, desperately trying to read you. It was like his profiler skills didnât exist. âEvery time youâve had a day off youâve been called into the office one way or another.â Your tone is hopeless, like your situation canât be helped.Â
With a harsh squeeze of your eyelids, the tears began to fall, but Aaron was quick to swipe them away.
âHoney, look at me,â He cups the side of your cheek, his thumb brushing away the liquid. Hesitantly you did, and you instantly fell victim to the warmness of his irises. âI will fix this, because I am not losing you. My behavior has been completely unacceptable, and I swear that I will be here for you and Jack more consistently, I promise.â
âHow do I know if this wonât happen again?
âIâll make sure of it.âÂ
It was the finality in his voice that fizzled out the anxiety in your gut, setting your nerves at ease.
âDonât make me regret this, Hotchner.â
àłââ· my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @celtic-crossbow @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @alixwriter @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus
#â° â meau's inbox !#aaron x reader#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron fanfiction#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner angst#aaron hotchner x plus size reader#plus size reader#x plus size reader#plus size!reader#x chubby reader#chubby reader#fanfiction#angst#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner oneshot#aaron hotchner drabble#aaron hotchner blurb#aaron cm#aaron hotchner cm#aaron criminal minds#aaron hotchner criminal minds#cm#criminal minds#cm fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction
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CHAPTER â
Ą: MITSKI & MONDAYS
prev , next , masterlist
okay so maybe you were already nervous about the first day of your new school.
and maybe listening to your depressing playlist at 7 in the morning wasn't helping that.
but mitski can help calm your nervs to! but with yuji blasting his music in his room right across the hall, it didn't necessarily get the mood right anyways.
"yn, hurry up! we gotta go in likeâtwo minutes!"
"im coming!!"
you reply, grabbing your backpack. you hopped through your messy floor, clothes spattered out from your unpacked suitcase.
you ran down the stairs, seeing yuji sitting on the floor next to the front door and sukuna rummaging through the upper cabinets of the kitchen.
"here, take these for the walk."
you don't have enough time to fully comprehend what your uncle's saying before a protein bar is being flowed full force at your faceâthough thankfully you throw your hands up and catch it in the air. you throw the second one to yuji, who instantly unwraps it and starts eating it.
"first dayâtough shit. todays when you make first impressions on everyone. good luck."
"oh, uhmâthanks?"
you reply, raising a eyebrow at sukuna's comment. he was being niceâmaybe? you couldn't really tell. but before you get to decide yuji announces its time to get going so you wave a quick goodbye to your uncle as you walk outside.
"don't worry, its not a long walkâonly like ten minutes give or take."
yuji says, taking out an airpod so he could hear. you nod, opening your phone to make sure you have your schedule for the third time today.
yuji was right, after about 15 minutes you arrive at school. you bite the inside of your lip slightly, a nervous habit you picked up over the years.
"so, were still early, me and my friends always come a bit early 'cause we like to hang before classes andâ"
yuji starts, but before he finishes his sentence someone comes rushing from behind the two of you.
"yuji, yn! hey!"
you look behind you at the girl waving. she had dyed orange hair, nobara!
"nobara! there you are!"
"sorry, i know we usually walk to school together but i woke up lateâanyways, hi yn!"
nobara replys, walking up to stand in the middle of you and yuji. she smiles as she grabs both of your armsâstarting to walk into school.
"its so nice to have another girl in the group, y'know. it's just me and maki, and she dosen't really like shopping so she never goes with me. sometimes panda or toge come but like barley ever 'cause their always 'busy'â"
wow, you only really met her yesterday and she was already talking to you like you were close friends. you smiled, at least meeting yuji's friends was off to a good start then.
nobara countined talking untill you three reached the bustling cafeteria, her and yuji seemed to look around for a momentâtrying to find their other friends. then yuji's eyes open a little wide and he points to the back of the cafeteria.
"there they are, let's go!"
he says, practically dragging you through the crowds of tables. nobara had already ran ahead, running to go grab a chair and sit down.
once you finnaly approached the table you looked up to five sets of eyes directly on you.
your mouth starts to turn into an awkward smile as you look around the table trying to deicde what to say, but thankfully for you, yuji most of the time knows how you feel.
"everyone, this is yn!"
he grabs your shoulders, presenting you to the group in a way before laughing. he moves his arms to pointâstarting at the two at the end of the table.
"yn, this is panda and toge! them, maki, and yuta are all a year older then us. but trust me, you can't tell with these two."
he giggles, his joke resulting in the white haired boy giving your brother a small "hey!" and turning to face you.
"you don't look to much like yuji, you should've ate him in the womb honestly."
panda laughs in response to that, an you can't help but laugh aswell.
"ha-ha, sooo funny guys."
yuji responds, rolling his brown eyes. he points to the two in the chairs next to them.
"those two there are yuta and maki! my favoire girlboss and her malewife-"
"shut up yuji."
the girl with the black hair and glasses replies, standing up and slamming her hands on the table annoyed.
she did look oddly familiar though...did you know her from somewhere?
she notices your confused look at her and raises an eyebrow, as if to ask if you have something to say. nobara wasn't kidding when she said she was intimating.
"sorry, you just look awfully familiarâthat's all!"
"hm, you went to the boarding school north from here right?"
you nod in response, wondering what she's getting at. maybe you went to school with her?
"you must know mai. she goes there."
oh it clicks into place, shes related to mai. you didn't know mai all that well, but you did know she was mean. they must be twins, hopefully maki isn't anything like her sister.
"don't worry, im not like herâshe's an asshole."
you let out a small sigh of relief. thank god. you turn your eyes to the one person who you haven't met yet. he was sitting at the other end of the table, on his phone. nobara was next to himâshe was saying something but he didn't seem to be listening. you reconized him from a couple of yuji's instagram posts, but you didn't remember his name. he looked tired and like he didn't want to be thereâwhich made you wonder why he seemed to hang out with them.
"oh yeah, ynâthis is megumi! he's in our grade."
nobara says, as yuji sits down on the table next to him. was this the other best friend yuji had mentioned before? he seemed pretty annyoed as he took off his headphones.
"uh, nice to meet you!"
you say, giving him a small smile. he didn't seem all that interested in talking.
"nice to meet you."
"sorry, he totally puts up this whole 'mysterious and nonchalant' vibe around peopleâhe's not even-"
"shut up, yuji."
nobara was in the middle of doing something with her phone as she spoke up.
"here yn, i added you to our group chat. check it after class m'kay?"
you responded with an agreement, as the bell rang for you to head to your class.
BACKGROUND INFO: - nobara, yuji, toge, panda and maki all met in middle school, megumi later moved into town and became friends with yujiâwho added him to their friendgroup - yuta moved last year, and he became friends with maki (and then the rest of the group), are him & maki dating? who knows! i don't think they know either LMFAO - there will be more of each character! i just wanted to get quick character intros
A/N: i'll try to have chapter 3 out by this weekend! again sorry if anythings ooc or if my grammer sucks ᥣđ©àŸàœČàŸàœČàŸàœČ
TAGLIST: (ask 2 be added) @1ndee @4ngelfries @jammofsammichflip @notveevee @qtnfer @love-me-satoru @satoryaa @loriisheart @starrnai if the tag dosen't work, change ur settings pls !
#jjk#essposts#aigtphs ᥣđ©#jjk x reader#megumi fushiguro x reader#jjk smau#megumi x reader#jujutsu kaisen au#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fic#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#megumi fushiguro#maki zenin#inumaki toge#yuta okkotsu#panda#jjk au#jjk fanfic#jjk x y/n#megumi x you
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Girl let me just say your fics are superb and thanks for the quirkless child one I requested with Bakugou! I promise Iâll leave you be for a bit in a second, but⊠post final war; everyone who has came out alive clearly is suffering from injuries, health issues, and trauma (both physical trauma and mental trauma) no? So how about a Bakugou x Reader with a reader who was essentially Bubbly, Firery and Energetic, to after the war who is exhausted, is often having nightmares over Bakugou cause well he nearly died, sleep deprived and basically depressed because I can guarantee nobody should be sane after a war, especially not children like our lovely highschoolers. Please make it angst to comfort, because seeing how Bakugou also has developed Iâm sure as sad as he would be he would also be understanding and try to be comforting (despite his awkwardness). Iâd appreciate if you could get this done to be as close as possible (and maybe just a little long than the one I requested last time- no pressure) BUT if anything you find in my request may be too triggering or something feel free to make it less triggering and change it, I just ask if you can keep the same vibe and theme with the reader who changed drastically after the wars and is getting comforted by Bakugou, Angst to comfort (duh), thank you so much, and I hope Iâm not troubling you too much! â An anon who enjoys suffering, angst, and comfort ((SAC) Anon); (get it? Suffering, Angst, Comfort, SAC, wait that has a good ring to it, damn I have a new alias, Iâll shut up now)
I'm Okay, As Long as He's Here (Request)
Katsuki Bakugou x Reader
Details/Warnings: reader has a panic attack and nightmares!! pls be weary of this. angst to fluff, well, my attempt at angst lol
Word Count: 1k
thank you for your request and the support :D it means a lot to me đ©· btw don't ever feel like you're bothering me or like you need to leave me alone! i like talking to everyone :) also this is a good little plot, but im not the best at writing angst but this is helping me improve i think, so please tell me how i did! i really hope you like it SAC anon hahah
Before the war, you were a different person. Looking at you now, no one would ever guess you were once a bubbly, out going person. But Katsuki knew you were, and sometimes, he missed the old you.
It was hard to watch you wake up crying in the middle of the night from your horrible nightmares of the war. Some being about his near death experience, and others being about him dying in other ways.
Some nights, you didn't sleep at all, and it was really showing.
"Hey, keep your head up. I don't want you to fall asleep." Katsuki said. It was already months after the war, so you were all back at school, but you were one of the few students that was struggling the most.
He definitely has his struggles too, but he knew he had to be there for you, because yours were much worse.
You opened your eyes wider, trying your best to stay awake. "Sorry. I couldn't sleep last night."
"You havin' nightmares again?"
You nodded, he sighed.
"Come sleep in my dorm tonight. You sleep better with me and you know it."
You agreed and continued trying your best to stay awake for the rest of the day. Occasionally, Katsuki would have to wake you up or remind you to stay awake. The lack of sleep made it hard to focus, especially in Hero Training. Thankfully, Mr. Aizawa and the rest of the teachers were understanding of the students who were struggling.
Once school was over it felt like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders. You knew you had homework to do, but right now you'd rather sleep. Or at least attempt to. Since you were going to be with Katsuki tonight, you were probably only going to have one nightmare. Plus, he'd be there to comfort you.
Following your boyfriend to his dorm room, you immediately changed into some of your clothes that he had there for you, and then laid down on his bed.
For a while, you just silently watched him as he sat at his desk and did his homework, something you should also be doing.
"What're you starin' at?"
You smiled, but not as brightly as before, "I'm just admiring you."
He huffed, "Good, I'm awesome."
Rolling your eyes, you said, "And there he is."
He laughed and continued doing his homework. You just continued watching him, because it was something that comforted you. It was a reminder that he was okay and alive.
Knowing he was safe right in front of you, you fell asleep.
...
You didn't know what time it was, but it must've been late since the room you were in was dark.
You clutched your chest as you sat up in bed and breathed heavily, feeling tears prick your eyes.
Of course, you had another nightmare again. This one in particular was about Katsuki, and he was in the arms of Shigaraki. You saw the villain use his Decay quirk on him, and your boyfriend began to crumble away but you were paralyzed in your dream. There was nothing you could do.
The nightmare felt so real and so scary, like they usually do. You felt so helpless and scared. The evil that emitted from Shigaraki and All For One was something you'd always remember.
You subconsciously began to rock yourself back and forth and made self soothing noises as you continued to have a panic attack. They never got easier, or less scary as time went on. It always felt like you were going to die.
Your panic must've woke Katsuki up, because you suddenly heard his voice calling out to you.
"Hey, hey! Breathe baby, you gotta breathe." He said.
You shook your head, "I-I can't! It hurts. I'm scared, I'm gonna die!"
He carefully grabbed your hands and held them in his. He took one of them and brought it to his chest near his heart so you could feel it beat.
"What is my heart doing right now?" He asked. This was a method he used to ground you during these situations, especially because he knew how you felt about him and his safety.
You looked at his chest, "Beating. Your heart is beating."
"Right. Now what do you feel here?" He asked, now placing a hand on the blanket that was on top of you guys.
"The blanket."
"What does it feel like?"
"It's soft and fluffy."
As he continued distracting you from your panic, you eventually calmed down. You were still crying a bit, but he held you in his arms as you let it out.
"He killed you Katsuki. I was so scared, and I couldn't do anything!" You cried into his chest.
He rubbed your back, "You know that shit isn't real, no matter how real it feels. I'm right here living and breathing. I'm safe, okay?"
You nodded and sniffed, "Okay." You placed a hand on his chest over his heart and felt it beat, the steady rhythm of it comforting you.
Katsuki grabbed that hand and kissed the palm of it, "Love you. I'll be here all night, 'kay?"
"I love you too. Thank you."
"It's no problem."
The next morning, you felt more rested than usual. It must've been because you only had one nightmare, which was an improvement.
You noticed you woke up before your boyfriend, so you just let him sleep a little longer while you got on with your morning routine. You had a lot of your own things in his room, including an extra toothbrush which you were thankful for.
When he eventually woke up, he walked over to you and hugged you tightly.
"You feelin' okay?" He asked.
You nodded as best as you could in his tight grip, "Mhm."
"Be honest."
"I am! I feel a lot better than last night." You insisted as you pulled away slightly, still keeping your arms around him.
He hummed and kissed the top of your head, "Mkay. Wanna sleep with me again tonight?"
"Yeah, I'll bring more clothes later."
He smiled, "'Kay. Let's go to class." He said and threw an arm over your shoulder, making you smile up at him.
Yeah, you knew things would be okay as long as he was around.
authors note
i hope you liked it! i'm sorry it was kinda short, i've been in a little writing stump but im trying to get out of it!
love ya đ©·
tags for bakugou fics: @doumadono @shonen-brainrot
#@angels-fantasy#fanfiction#fanfic#anime#writers on tumblr#bakugou katsuki#my hero academia#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#angst with a happy ending#light angst#mha fluff#bakugou x you
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Taken, part 2 // Uvogin, one shot - part of hhighkey's phantom troupe universe series
Rating: mature Story Contains: stockholm syndrome, love??, implied past kidnapping, implied references to depression, suicidal thoughts, unnamed chronic illness, medical inaccuracies, marriage, rough sex, size kink, lots of come im so sorry, manipulation, female reader Note: about 17k words, ao3 link: xxx, link to part 1
The union could never be legal, technically Uvogin didnât exist, but that didnât matter. Not to you when he confidently proposed with the biggest grin months after getting you back from Bates, going on a ramble about the thought of you being someone elseâs wife terrified him. To him, it furthered his ownership of you, and was another way to show his utmost commitment and love. Not that kidnapping you four years ago was a total display of it or anything⊠That it took someone else trying to marry you for him to think of it.Â
Never sure what to categorize as the happiest day of your life, for now that day took the cake. How even on one knee he was taller than you, a gorgeous ring in hand (you could thank Chrollo for that as you found out later). The idea of being someoneâs wife when you were little had been like a dream, youâd always gawk at wedding stores and the dresses on display. It was more of a fantasy to look the prettiest surrounded by even prettier decor, not necessarily about the concept of âin life and death.â After so long with Uvogin you understood that marriage wasnât about a gorgeous wedding but about the vows and status it brought. Because your relationship with Uvogin was the epitome of together until death. And with each day getting harder to get out of bed, blood painting your tissues after coughing, you realize that death is on the horizon.
However, for the last few weeks Uvogin was doing his best to avoid a certain group. The term âbachelorette partyâ became a forbidden term to me murmured around him, itâd be a night where heâd have no control. However, three people werenât letting him off easy as you found amusement in him trapped.
âFuck no.â Uvogin grunted, eyes tensely looking over the three female Troupe members, âShe doesn't leave my sight when Iâm not workinâ.âÂ
âItâs a thing Uvo.â Machi said, âYouâre not supposed to see the bride a few days leading up to the wedding, especially the night before and day of.â
âOkay so you can have her tomorrow then.â He waves them off, going to grab your arm, but Machi cuts him off stepping in front of you.
âNo, you can survive two days without her.âÂ
âWhaddya wanna do babe?â He focused on you, pretending not to hear the pink haired woman.Â
Your mouth falls open as you glance between Uvo and Machi. Your chest flutters with discomfort being in the middle of a strange face-off, where you particularly didnât want to see Uvogin perturbed with you if you agreed with the girls. âUm..âÂ
âThe four of us are going to do something tonight.â Pakunoda steps in, her voice level like she were talking to an overly large toddler not getting its way.Â
âLike what?âÂ
âNone of your business.â She stared at the larger man down.Â
âWell Y/Nâs my business so, anything she does is my business.âÂ
âItâs bad enough we canât force Phinks and Feitan to let us have their girls, but let the poor bride-to-be have a bachelorette party where nothing can possibly happen. Then sheâll be your wife in two days and you can dictate the rest of her life, how about that?â Machi huffs, annoyed, âGo bother Nobu if you get bored but weâre taking her.â
âYeah, no you ainât.â He went to push past her, but she shot a hand up pressing on his chest.Â
âWhat do you want to do, Y/N?â Machi asked.Â
âI- Uvo I would really like to spend time with them.â With a slowly ticking clock on your life due to the state of your health, you think you should say what you want. For a second you remember, like a little flicker at the back of your brain, times spent with friends shopping, movies, gossiping about boys. Makes your heart yearn for that type of connection again. Clarity seemed to leak into the depth of your mind the sicker you got.Â
He frowned at you and time seemed to stop until he nodded, âAlright.â
âThat was easy, thought weâd have to steal her in the middle of the night.â Shizuku said absentmindedly, which earned her a few glares.Â
Uvo fretted over you before he let you go, fingers prodding along your delicate skin as if you were the most precious treasure, as if youâd break from one touch alone.Â
âBehave.â His words come across as a warning but you hear the depth to it, the worry rather than a threat.Â
âI always do.â You tease, moving to hug his thick, muscular torso. A small part of you wants him to scoop you up and lock you away with him, your heart beginning to panic at the idea of separating from him. Yet your mind told you to stay strong no matter how badly you wanted to melt right into him.Â
Uvogin made a few more tiny threats towards the girls before he finally left, telling you heâd be at the Base. For a moment your chest twisted in pain knowing heâd be hours away, not working. You could survive being without him due to his job, but not knowing he was free.
So you stood in your townhome with Machi, Paku and Shizuku watching you. Sure, you considered them your friends at this point, slowly considered most members of the Troupe your friends. Yet you knew their loyalty to you was really loyalty to Uvogin, the help protecting you, keeping you healthy, keeping you happy- was all for him. While youâre sure they care for you as a person enough to make small talk, youâre Uvoginâs property through and through. But this moment as you debated what to do, made you want to feel hopeful. The three of them didnât need to do this. It made no sense for them to fight with Uvo for days to let them host something.Â
How Machiâs fingers dug into your bicep as you involuntarily took steps forward,Â
âDonât.â
You didnât know how to be without him. Your body was slowly dying, and not the dramatic bullshit of aging. So perhaps it was quickly dying. The ever exhausting fog you lived in where all you had was Uvogin to care for you. His warmth disappearing from the room settled a chill and awareness.Â
Machi has her normal blank expression, but she seems pleased when you nod, âSo, what are we doing tonight?â
The looks exchanged made you wary.Â
The devilish upturn of Machiâs lips makes you wonder if you should go run back to Uvo. But the part of you, stuck oh so deep down, that couldnât rebel for years was overjoyed as it wretched its way out.Â
âWe are going out.â
âOut..?â
âYou know, what normal girls do, dress up and get drunk, flirt with men.âÂ
You cringe at the last part, discomfort swirling in your gut. Normality. Normal girls. You play the words over and over, hearing her words echo as a harsh reminder. But also self reflection as these three werenât normal either. Farther from it and yourself. Perhaps you nodded, agreeing to the location they wanted, because youâd missed out on so much. Though the sour taste in your mouth lingers as you all get ready as if it were any other night- that everyone in the Troupe was all aware of the fact Uvo kidnapped you. No one told him that he should reconsider, that itâd be selfish. But did you even want that? Would you have wanted Machi or Nobu to tell him to let you go? Because the thought makes your stomach flutter with wrenching nerves you donât want to think about, as societyâs version of normal wasnât yours. And like that, you snapped back to the image staring back at you in the mirror, the girl chronically ill yet irrevocably in love with someone they shouldnât be.
You look- strange. Yet youâre taken aback by the beautiful girl Paku had turned you into, makeup breathing life back into your sullen state. A flash of somebody else, a younger version of you reflected, prior to knowing what youâd become and with who. Itâs nostalgic almost, thinking about the minimal times youâd gone to a bar with a coworker or an old school friend, how you debated over what to wear or how to do your hair. With Uvo it was simple- he didnât care what was on your body, or if you had makeup, he controlled everything you could and couldnât do and it simplified everything.Â
The dress fit you like a glove, pushing cleavage up and you wanted to retreat into yourself.
The night sky preys down on you. Buildings feeling like they were closing in, the openness of the town, the fresh air felt like a jail. The fact you were in the open with options was suffocating, but you walked with your arm linked with Pakuâs trying to save face. Trying to push down your insecurities and thoughts of Uvo getting angry with you. Heâd never have let you wear this, never had let Machi push a shot of vodka down your throat prior to leaving. Thrilling. Yet terrifying. The best way to sum up what coursed through your veins while wanting to turn around at the same time.Â
The lack of alcohol the last five or so years was clear, the shot made your cheeks tinged pink and a dazed smile on your lips. You tried hard now to sway as you walked and luckily the cool breeze against you the last few minutes helped to bring you back down. The taste of it was exhilarating- dancing on the edge of inebriation and the thoughts that came with it!
âI- Canât.â You take a step back, âToo many people- I canât.â
âHey- Y/N.âÂ
You stare at the ground as you stumble back to some steps, letting the cold pavement press against you. Stuck inside yourself as your world spun you began to ramble,Â
âI- Only people Iâve been around are the Troupe. No more than 12, never more. A-And Bates kept people away from me. No- No, too many. Feels suffocating, like I canât breathe.â You look at them with terror written across your face, âWhy are you all doing this for me? Because you know Iâll die? Or because you feel bad for me? Y-You know he kidnapped me, Iâm not allowed to use phones or see my old friends, my family thinks Iâm dead. YetâŠâÂ
Machi crouches down to get eye level with you, âYou deserve a night of freedom and fun you should have had. Youâve given all of us more kindness than we deserve all these years. And Uvo has never been happier in all the time weâve known him. We want to repay it back before you die as his wife.âÂ
âWeâll take any backlash that comes of this, with your state Uvo wouldnât dare to upset you.â Paku said, correctly inferring the nagging at the back of your mind that this would make him furious.
âYou could get away with a lot more than you realize because heâs terrified of you dying, remember that.â Machiâs intensity bores into you in a way that makes you sit straight up. Either from the fact her nen could kill you in an instant or she was trying to instill you with a backbone.Â
âHow much longer do you have, Y/N?â Shizuku asked.Â
âI⊠Donât know.â You push your fingers against your temple, trying to stifle the weight of everything on your shoulders. The sting of the vodka still in the back of your throat, your eyes focused on the heels you wore.Â
âA year at most, probably eight months.â Machi replied.
âWhy- Why would Uvo be scared to upset me? Hasnât stopped him before.â You flinch at the reminder of your impending doom, no matter how much you were coming to terms with it; It was Uvoginâs karma.
âWith my non-professional medical guess, who's been there since the start, is that thereâs so much medicine can do if youâre giving up. Uvo doesnât want you to want to die, selfishly wants you to hang on for as long as possible even if youâre in pain.â
Oh. It felt like you hit a wall. A harsh wave of soberness and the realization of where you were, âI wondered, why it took him so long to think of marrying me? Did Bates love me more to go through those lengths? What did I do to deserve all this?â
No one spoke. It would have been hypocritical for them to, they were just as big of monsters as Uvo. That they didnât need you looking at the situation from an outsiderâs viewpoint anymore, a discomfort settled within their guts.Â
âCan we- still go to that bar?â You ask, breaking the silence you caused.Â
As much as you spilled to them unprompted, knowing your words wouldnât spur them emotionally to do anything, you were always smart not to let anyone in on the doubt you felt. On the anxiousness since Bates, on the second guessing if your emotions for Uvo were real. You knew everyone would take it wrong, that youâd been indoctrinated or rebelling.Â
Because hadnât Uvo washed away every insecurity that made you doubt your love? All this hushed proclamations whilst his cock was buried in your guts. The small touches and the fact you no longer had to lift a finger. His ever permanent seeming presence. Right? Ringing struck up in your ears forcing you to shake it off, Right. Right. No question about it as you stared at the ring on your left finger. You were excited to be his wife, to further cement your love. You had to be.Â
âOf course,â Paku said, âLetâs go. You can hold onto us as much as you need.âÂ
Everything was a blur after they helped you up from the step, urging you to forget about your woes. The line wasnât a long wait before youâre stepping into what felt like an alternate dimension. Thick sweat-infused-air with the smell of alcohol, bodies shoved like sardines, and strobe lights beamed around.Â
Music. Music! Oh it made you sway in utter glee as the bass reverberated in the depth of your soul. You felt like a fish out of water with your fingers intertwined with Pakuâs, looking around the room like an awe struck child seeing the world for the first time.Â
A glass was shoved in your hand and you indulged, then again, and again. Uncaring for the strength of the liquor or the overly sweet syrups, the taste of freedom was absolutely addicting. How youâd missed alcohol in all this time, youâd beg Uvo to let you drink again. Soon your vision blurred along with your doubts.Â
It was tiring always worrying. Always wondering. Being on edge. Doubting. It made you suffocate and being able to let go was pure relief. Giggle and laugh with the three Troupe members like any other friend group would. Even if they werenât as into or as relaxed as you, watching your every move, you didnât mind. They were doing this for you.
Any man that approached you was shooed off with a threatening glance from Machi. You were encapsulated in a perfect bubble as you bounced around sucking down another tequila infused drink. Not caring that you didnât know any of the lyrics because this was music youâd never heard before. When was the last time youâd listened to music? You stop as you warm, bodies pressing to you, and you realize you donât know.Â
You tug your dress further down your thighs, attempting to cover more. You falter in your steps and arms are on your waist in an instant.Â
âReady?â Shizuku stares through her glasses at you.
You nod. Was it late? How long had you been inside the club dancing to your heart's content as your mind went to mush.Â
The air outside was frigid compared to your bodyâs temperature, to the red flush along your skin and sweat beading at your hairline. Hair a frizzy mess. Mascara smeared under your eyes with the glitter from atop your lids. You hadnât smiled so big in so long, to the point your cheeks ached as you tried to skip along the paved sidewalks, giggling like a madwoman. Pakunoda never let you get far though, listened and responded to your entertainingly slurred words and statements. And how you slowly began to wear down, to slow in your steps as you wrapped an arm around her. Contentment resonated from you.Â
Theyâre on edge first, you not noticing the sudden change in atmosphere. That the aura around you all dropped, anger seething through it. Three forms stood past the turn. One particularly large.Â
Uvogin. Flanked by Nobu and Phinks, who looked more annoyed than anything. Yet it wasnât them that brought concern, because Uvo looked halfway ready to destroy the local buildings.Â
âThe fuck are you all doinâ? Thinking you can take my soon to be wife out to get drunk, take âer somewhere I donât fucking know.â Heâs rigid, a murderous aura surrounding him. Muscles flexing as his jaw locked. Oh Uvogin was a big and terrifying man yet you looked at him like the dark, bustling city was naught.Â
âUvo!â You squeal, delighted, your core flush with warmth as you donât notice his anger. Your thoughts are screaming for him, chanting his name like a prayer because there he is! Heâs suddenly in your sights, though you arenât sure why thereâs two of him, but all you want is to squeeze him, take him for yourself. The way his thighs squeezed against the fabric of his shorts you narrowed in on, thinking about running your hands against them, prodding into the skin. Massaging and kissing and moving to his thick co- your core goes warm, such liquid goodness that you canât fathom being away from him any longer, your daydream making you go numb.
You push off Paku and skip over to Uvo, practically throwing yourself into him. Which he caught you with ease even without prior notice. You nuzzled into his warmth, feeling his calloused fingers run along your arms. You donât feel how he tugged down your dress as itâd ridden up, or as he checked for any marks. And you certainly didnât feel the genuine panic, terror past jealousy of you drunk around others. The fear of you out without him. Finding someone else more interesting upon realizing how much heâd taken from you. Living a life that didnât include him. And if you wanted said life back over what you two built on the cracked foundations only help up on your (possibly) messed up sense of reality.Â
âHi baby.â Uvo said in a fairly choked back tone; his attempt to seem relaxed towards you while he was really seething. In his mind he had to blame his fellow Spiders, that this was on them, not you.Â
âWant you.â You whined softly, eyes filled with heated want that bore into him. Your palms flat on his chest feeling his erratic heart beat like it was your lifeline, âMissed you.â
You donât remember much, not as you swayed in his grasp, vision splitting your environment from doubles to triples. The hazed joy settled into a comfortable exhaustion as your eyelids drooped, uncaring for the voices that argued around you. It doesnât matter that itâs getting heated, not to you, this night has been better than the stars above. Topped off with Uvogin at the end. As your head falls limp, knees buckling, your last drunken thought is on the wedding.Â
Feeling your body beginning to go limp as you mewled into him, Uvo picks you up cradling you into him. Your touch grounded him. Your excitement to see him might have been what stopped a possible massacre powered by his anger and fists alone. Youâd missed him terribly even when you had the whole world at your fingers, and he loved that. Filled him with a sense of pride.Â
âWeâre going.â Uvogin nodded to Nobu and Phinks.
âGood fucking thing I didnât let my girl come. Will have to tell Feitan âbout this.â Phinks grumbled under his breath.
âWeâre heading back to Base.â Nobunaga tells the girls, âCome if you want, will be a tight squeeze.â
The group began their departure, silence amongst a still bustling town. Tension thick enough to cut with a knife, trepidation building within a few of the Spiders. Strange looks from some, especially at the large man carrying a girl who looked like she had a rough night out.Â
Soon buildings died out. Lights limited. Roads turning to dirt, fences showcasing expansive private overgrown property. Countryside came into view with a car waiting, as Phinks pulled out the keys. For a second they all share uncomfortable glances unsure how theyâll all fit, but one person in particular had a dark cloud above her. Â
âUvogin.â Machi said dangerously low, fists clenched and Shizuku ready to grab her if needed. âHow long have you had her now, four years, or is it five? Sheâs not going anywhere sheâs in love with you, as much as sheâs able. She doesnât know how to think without you telling her what to think about, nonetheless run away anywhere. Where would she go? She relies on you for everything and more, you are her life. And sheâs happy about it I guess, babbled about you all night. She doesnât have long and you know it, donât let her go itâll do more harm than good but⊠let her say goodbyes. Proper ones to those you took her from.â Â
âNo.â He responded without pause, âYouâve gone soft, Machi Iâm surprised. I ainât letting her out my sight from here on out, Iâll let Chrollo know I need a fucking sabbatical or something. Youâll be lucky if I let any of you see her again.âÂ
âSheâd be upset about that.â
âWhatever.âÂ
âYou say that now.â She knew he was bluffing, and of course he was.Â
He squeezed your sleeping frame before settling into the passenger seat of the car, keeping you tight to him. He stared at your angelic form feeling his heart squeeze, âDonât do something like this again. And one day maybe you might understand a sliver of what I feel for her and why I do what I do.â
Uvogin couldnât fathom missing another one of your breaths. Not a single one. Because from here on out heâd claim them all as his.Â
-
This was how it was meant to be- your wedding day- you realize as you stare at your reflection. You remember the attempted one with Bates felt like walking to your doom, while this time around with Uvo? It felt like you were walking through a floralled field surrounded by a thick lavender odor, heading towards the rest of your life. It felt right.Â
A white gown flows along your emaciated body that has a faint golden sheen from the joy swirling within you. Excitement coursed in your veins as you finished final touches for your hair and makeup, relying on Paku heavily for assistance.Â
Itâs Fall, the orange and red leaves falling delicately around you as you carefully walk along a gravel path with grass laying flat from overuse. The cooling air filled with a cinnamon spice odor so acutely that of the lengthening nights as Hallowâs Eve was around the corner. Feeling wrapped in the comfort of your favorite season, a molten liquid spread as you inched closer and closer to the altar. Arm looped in Pakuâs, a smile lives etched on your face as tears prick at your eyes, swirling sentient settling within. After much convincing, Uvogin agreed to an outdoor wedding at sunset, not being able to say no to you. The Trope had done an immaculate job at setting up a cozy venue
It was a whirlwind. Walking down the aisle to Uvogin. How he looked at you with misty eyes and utter happiness, looking devilishly handsome in a tailored suit, something you never imagined seeing him in. He towered over you with a powerful aura that made you feel safe. Nothing else existed when in Uvoginâs orbit. How his hands held yours, staring so intently like you were the entire world. That you were all that existed on this plane, that all he wanted was to whisk you away as soon as vows were shared.Â
You were always his, but to Uvogin this tied you to him forever. Emotionally linked your cute self to him in a way that meant everything to you, while to him the title of marriage did little to change his feelings. It made your heart swell and your face beam with love, making this worth it in his eyes. Â
And it was worth it to see you walking down the aisle to him. His pupils dilated, shoulders dropping, mouth quirked up at the sight of you in a white gown. An angel. His heart soared and he stood a tad straighter beaming with pride.Â
Closer. Closer to him. Time seemed to slow as you both became so consciously aware of the other, of how your hearts raced in rhythm combining. Circulating souls, winding and meshing, flowing together like pieces of twine twisting and twisting. Paku handed you off to him and heâs lit with a burning need as your smaller hands slot into his perfectly. A necessity so pure, like a starving man whoâd kill for his survival, burn the world to the ground to have you.Â
Nothing else mattered besides you; not Chrollo who began the ceremony, not the eyes and pleasant words of the other Spiders and their partners (who stared hopeful at their lovers).Â
Only your tears of merriment as you peered up at him like he was your savior, mattered. He was your salvation. The sweet words that left your lips as you cried through your vows with breathy laughs, built him up more and more. Uvoginâs vows were strong, filled with his promises of protection and love, his thinly-veiled apologies for the past and the excitement to continue as husband and wife.Â
A faint cinnamon smell wafted on the breeze, heavy earthy-spice amongst the falling leaves. The sun is setting beyond the horizon. Dimming violet skies flourished as the ceremony ended- you in Uvoginâs arms as vows sealed with a kiss. A symphony of harmonious noises blurred out your surroundings, a deafening buzzing that should have made your stomach churn and your instincts blare red. Instead itâs elation that spurred your tunnel vision as you kiss your husband passionately uncaring for anything else.Â
Maybe you were too far gone from the clarity youâd had, from the questions of Uvoâs real feelings you once picked apart. All of it drowned and stamped out. Glowing delight crammed into every vein and bone, to your most miniscule of nerves. Plugged up so thick with the taste of Uvogin that youâre almost drunk off his scent alone, off the way his eyes raked along your body. The thought of him looking and touching anywhere else made you want to die. Like he was the oxygen you breathed. A fresh intake of air seeping with amber and intoxicating caramel, the taste of a maple treeâs smoky bark going up your nostrils to the tip of your head.Â
Dizzied by his musk. Dizzies as your mind buzzed like a million honey bees flew about in crazed circles. Unable to wipe the grin off your face as Uvogin picks you up Bridal style to carry you off. Marital bliss is already consuming the two of you whole, Uvoginâs aura a violent red as his chest swelled with possession.Â
Every inch of Uvogin; from his flexing muscles to his grueling height where his toes tingle with want. He was wounded so tight. Chords pulling and pulling, fraying as they did, and any moment theyâd snap. Heâd snap. Flustering begins to control him and you can see it in his eyes. The fire. The lust. All of it.
Uvogin wastes no time getting to his corridor of the Base, since everyone wanted the loud man in his own area to reprieve them of his usual antics.Â
And he wasted no time placing you on the bed with a thump, your giggles music to his ears. Pure joy shimmered across your features and it had been far too long since heâd seen it. Uvo relishes in it as he helps you out of the wedding gown (tries to help while you beg for him not to rip it). Because for the rest of the night he has plans that will keep you a mess on his cock as you cry and scream for more, drunk off overstimulation, none of your innocent happiness to be found. Only your reliance on him. Your need for him.Â
Youâre on your back faster than you can blink, Uvogin pulling you to the edge of the bed. On his knees between your thighs you watch him with insatiable lust clouding your eyes, your senses, sending little volts of electricity up your spine as his rough fingers traced the skin of your inner thighs. How he kneaded and stoked, your mewls and constant jerking making a devious look fall over him.Â
âI ainât gonna be nice, gonna fuck my pretty little wife tilâ she canât take it. Then Iâm gonna keep going.â His breaths fans along your clothed cunt, your liquids beginning to soak through the white fabric.Â
You nod, feeling the numb tingle of anticipation wash over your body. Your mind as if it hung out to dry, lust dulling your senses.Â
The sudden onslaught of his tongue has you seeing stars. He knows exactly how to tease your entrance to make you squirm and gasp, knows how you like how he oscillates his long tongue inside you to pull out an orgasm. Stroking your inner thighs so playfully and feather like,Â
âUvo- pl-please!â You beg, fingers yanking at his scalp. You need him like you need oxygen to breathe. Your senses are so dull, the air smelling thick of your juices and sex, a tangy musk that is sweet because itâs because of your love for him that you feel this way.
âNeed somethinâ?â The vibrations of his deep voice sent shivers up your spine, your mind spinning in lust as with a flick of his tongue, the way it then drags along your folds brings you back to your high.Â
Sobbing for him as you snap, squirt dribbles and he laps it up, sucking your engorged clit to make you shake. To make you tremble and jerk and try to push his face away as slurping noises fill the room.Â
âNe-ed you!â You sob, âIn me!â Your head is spinning and all you can think about is having his cock stretching you out.Â
He relinquishes with a final kiss above your clit, pulling to strip himself of his clothes.
Uvogin is more than aware of the size difference between you two, youâre so small beneath him, just so cute laying in awe at his naked hulking body as his hand goes to stroke his godly length. Youâre so tiny, so breakable and while he is always as careful as a man like him can muster, right now all he wants to do fragment you into a thousand little pieces.Â
âYouâre so damn tiny, wife.â Blood rushes to his cock, hardening it even more as the tip leaks precum swollen and red. The way his hand engulfs parts of your leg as he gropes makes him burn and he knows he canât hold back much longer.Â
âYou want this fat cock in your tight cunt? You wanna be nice and full, all stretched out? Gonna take all I give you?âÂ
âGod yes, Uvo.â You keen, âPlease, fill me.â
âWho do ya belong to, wife?â His eyes darken as he lines his cockhead up to your dripping entrance.Â
You squirm and moan lewdly, unable to focus as pleasure grinds at your core, âY-You Uvo! My husband, Iâm yours- your wife- yours.â You babble as his swollen tip continues to tease you.Â
âCunt is mine.â He thrusts in fully, a silent scream escapes you as your eyes roll back. Uvoginâs cock pulses and he groans in pleasure, muscled legs trembling as his nerves are shot full of an addictive high from your body, âTits are mine.â He engulfs one of your breasts in his hand, thumb rubbing over a pebbled nipple. âWhole damn body is mine. Your fucking mind is mine, I own you.â His thrusts turn erratic, slapping skin reverberates in the room as your little pussy takes his ginormous size and violent force behind each fuck against your cervix.
Already a mess, youâre easy to move, easy to morph as Uvo adjusts you on the bed. Angle was just right, your ankles held down at your head and his hips just so to drive into you so deep you wonât be able to walk. Your orgasm blossoms as squirt juts from your hole as Uvoginâs long cock spreads you too wide and too deep, the pain electric and overwhelming but your hips shake.Â
âYouâre so pretty baby, so damn good takinâ me like this.â He grunts, throwing his head back as he continues to fuck into you, his balls slapping against your ass. âI love ya, love how you squeeze me. You want my cum this bad? Iâll give it to you, get you nice and full from it. Take me deeper now, you can do it, yeah?âÂ
His vulgar words are disoriented in your ears but they make you feel obscene, make you smile sordidly with tears in your eyes, and nod like your life depended on it.Â
Youâre lost in his wicked aura. Your wedding night lived up to all you would have hoped for it, as your dress lay discarded and you were folded in different positions as your husband drove the both of you to pleasured highs again and again. Heavy spurts of come coated your insides, too much so that it trickled out and painted your thighs, painted the sheets. Again and again he plugged you with his cock and filled you with heavy grunts, letting you feel the hot come shooting out from him for far too long, far too much that you could almost taste it in your throat. He hit every sensitive spot you loved that made you feel mushy and braindead, just a reliant little thing on him.Â
You couldnât take it anymore. You could barely hold your head up or moan how much you loved him and his cock. Your eyelids grew heavier, while your body shook from the continued rapture.Â
Uvogin kissed you so lovingly, so much so that it hid his true malicious intents you couldnât understand in your fucked out state, âI got you baby, gonna let me use you?â
You nod. Smile like a drunken idiot, and go lax. You feel every thrust, every pulse and curve of his cock, each slap against your ass, each kiss, lick, grope along every open inch of skin. You knew this was heaven. Heaven as he pushed you to your chest, hiking back your ass and slamming in. Your poor cunt quivered, gaping wide from his girth as his come leaked out, lower tummy inflated and Uvogin watched you with a glint in his eyes, and he couldnât keep his emotions in. He let out a monstrous roar, one the brute was known for, and he let you take every inch of him uncaring if you broke or said it was too much. But you took it. You always did. Even if your gummy walls tried to force him out, tried to tighten up too much but heâd always push past the defenses to claim you and feel your clamping cunt as it came, as it squirted. And god as heâd toy with your aching clit heâd see you spasm even in your passed out state.
His fingers gripped your hips, theyâd leave bruises heâd stare at proudly tomorrow. And he knows more marks will follow, he needs to mark you, to show anyone who you belonged to on all open parts of your skin. Your eyelids were finally permanently closed at this point, once done-up hair a mess, makeup all smeared. Tiny mewls all that escaped your parted lips. Yet your pussy still squeezed him like a vice, milking him for all it was worth begging for more, âStill so fucking needy for me arenât ya? Donât worry Iâll fill you all night till I got nothing left, you know your husband will always take care of you.â
-
Uvogin could never help himself when it came to you from the second he laid eyes upon you. His feelings are too intense and overpowering of his superb fortitude, years of destruction and rigidness in his work. And it took awhile the first few months before he took you because he adored who you were, and did not want you to become a shallow version of yourself. But he always knew it was his job to protect you as your friend turned captor, turned partner, turned husband.Â
What type of man was he if he couldnât keep his love safe? Heâd spent years diligently watching over you, even going as far as to check your body for harm. Make sure you ate well, slept enough, and had a good amount of things to keep you mentally entertained. He knew you like the back of his hand and it was why he struggled from the start when you couldnât get healthy. But with his mind set on it, it would happen, he was sure.Â
Uvogin wasnât always suited for tough conversations when it came to you, overall happy with everything. Never complaining about not being able to contact anyone outside the Troupe or go outside without him or an escort. You stopped going stir crazy after accepting your feelings for home were true all those years ago, loving his clingy touches and loud humor.Â
But as the weeks went on after the wedding, your state got worse. And so did his helplessness, the gut feeling that he was still not doing enough. His optimism wore on himself as much as it did you.Â
Everything about you makes his heart race at such a speed he wonders if one day youâll give him a heart attack. Simply based on his overly obsessive actions and thoughts, his every waking being is all for you.Â
âUvo, stop it.â You swat at his large hand that held a protein bar, âIâll just throw it up. Donât wanna.â
So maybe it was all coming to head after almost two years. Exasperation with the situation that turned into taking it out on the other. More or less you wanted a break from the pity, the treating you like a little porcelain doll by your lover.Â
âYou gotta eat, babe. Canât survive off that baby food shit.â He sighed referencing the nasty apple sauces, ground up food into weird shakes that made him gag.Â
âBetter than nothing.â You murmur, staring aimlessly at the blankets you sat under.
Uvogin ran a hand through his hair, feeling disgruntled by your frail form not even looking at him. He moved towards the bathroom, dropping the bar in the trash. He wants to scoop you up, pin your chest to the mattress to fuck into you to hear you chant his name.Â
He doesnât mean to snap at you. But god he canât fucking stand to watch what youâre doing, because heâs not stupid. He missed his girl, her smiles and snark, how sheâd be equally all over him as he was towards her. His best friend and lover wrapped up in one. While he wasnât cruel, swore if you were in pain then so was he, but he was tired of this push and pull.Â
âYouâre giving up.â His words come out harsher than he intended, but the bitterness bubbling up his throat spurred them on.
âStop.âÂ
You wipe at your eyes because of the sudden tear that fell down your cheek. His words feel like a painful stab to the gut.Â
âI canât- I wonât watch you die, Y/N. Not even thinking about what this is doing to me. I canât be without you.â
Anger filled you but you couldnât breathe, dry heaving through your sudden sobs that hit you like an avalanche, âDoing to you? Iâm the one dying, Uvogin. Iâm the one in pain every day and every breath.â
He flinched at the usage of his full name.Â
âLet me die, please it hurts so bad and I have fought. Fought for you, for us but Iâm so tired. You need to let me go so you can move on with your life rather than be stuck as my caretaker.â Desperation laces your words, all you want is for him to hold you in his arms. Not for him to stand by the door with a faraway look. The sorrow on his features and the regret swirling in his eyes. You know heâs hurting, but this is destroying you.
âIs that what you think?â His fists clench, muscles going taut as they strain against his shirt, âThat youâre a burden? That Iâm better off without you? I take care of you because I love you, not out of some stupid fucking caretaker duty Iâm obligated to.âÂ
âBut arenât you? You are the one who kidnapped me, you have to care for me or throw me to the curb if Iâm not fulfilling my duties.â You spat, and you donât regret the words as they slap him in the face making it twist in a dark glare.Â
His brows pinched together, lips purse as he exhaled jadedly. The fierce mocking chuckle spewing out made your blood run cold, âWe going there?â
âMaybe we should. We never have properly, always joking about it because it worked out for us. I downplayed what you did because you always respected me, kept me as me. Didnât force me to fuck you, or be with you. And we always had amazing rapport even before that.â The aggravation of talking to him like he was a non-receptive 8ft plus wall made you want to rip your hair out. Not a flash of any emotions on his face leaving you to reel and second guess.Â
âWhatâs the point of this babe? Gonna start throwinâ shit at me again? Begging me to let you go?â
âNo!â You sit up straight, rolling your shoulders back feeling frustration and the sudden want to rip your hair out, âI love you. Only way Iâll ever want to leave is if you no longer feel the same, or if you hurt me. But jesus Uvogin, put yourself in my shoes even with your limited fucking ability to empathise. Because sometimes I wonder if you love me the way I love you, or if I have fucking stockholm syndrome!â
âWhat do you want me to say?âÂ
âThe truth, how you really feel.â You press, almost as if you wanted him to snap. Youâre tired of half truths, of him dumbing everything down like youâre a child.
âThe truth?â His eyes narrowed as his chest thumped, felt like his insides were turning inside out in absolute agony, âTruth is I feel fuckinâ useless and you no longer care about living. You are leaving me, youâll be dead. And now Iâm hearinâ you think your feelings are fake? What a fucking time this is.â
âHow am I supposed to not die, Uvogin? Tell me. I sleep all day, take handfuls of pills, IV for fluids. My body is rejecting it all and you donât care that Iâm in pain, you care more about having me around so you can get off.â
An explosion of red aura escapes him with a growl, his fist coming down on the closest piece of furniture. You gasp, heavy sobs returning as you recoil in ear. Realizing what heâd done, he tried to approach you, but you cried for him to stay away. Fear. Dizzied confusion written on you and Uvogin doesnât know how to take it away. Not even the first few months after taking you, had you looked at him like that. And it made him want to die.Â
âY/N, Mâsorry. Fuck. Youâre my life, I love you. You arenât some fucktoy to me, youâre the reason I breathe. And Iâm so scared of the day I gotta live without you. Itâs no excuse, but please. Would never hurt you, youâve gotta know that right?â
You stare at him. Blank. Fingers gripping the blankets you used as a shield until your knuckles turned white. Wet streaks falling down your face, off your jaw staining the fabric.Â
âBy begging me to stay alive⊠You are hurting me.â You whisper, but he can hear.Â
âFine,â He growls needing to leave your presence before he lashed out more, âThen you got my fucking permission to die, wife. Iâm done.âÂ
He spares you no other glance as the door slammed behind him. Youâre left trying to pick up the pieces, pick apart his words. Unable to hold back the flood of sorrow that seeped out, hysterical, airy cries as you heave. Pathetically quivering as you hugged yourself, slowly rocking back and forth atop the bed as it sets in. You think he means heâs done, he doesnât want you, this is him washing his hands of you and your fate.Â
You call for him, his name falling onto nothing, sniveling and blubbering like a mess. The air suffocates you, thick as it wrung you out. Dull skin prickling like a thousand needles inserting within you. Searing pain behind your brows and temples as it felt like your head was being crushed as your eyes went puffy and red.
Stuck in limbo staring at the wall. For months youâd been living under pitying glances, careful words, and locked up in an ivory tower of protection against the world. Even yourself.Â
Your actions not your own as you move like a woman possessed, a ghost haunting the halls of its resting place. How you dressed for the colder weather outside the Base, discarding the disaster of splintered wood Uvogin left during his outburst. You moved with whimsical intent and glazed over eyes. In a trance as you padded along the eerily quiet halls then the main room, not a Spider in sight. Not that they could have stopped you, or even noticed as Uvoginâs screaming caused them to scatter. Pity as they had no choice but to listen as his deep voice echoed through every cranny spewing hurtful words.
Nobody stopped you as you opened the door to the outside. As you stand in the doorway contemplating stepping out, you realize itâs the first time youâve been able to go somewhere without permission, with your own autonomy. With that you leave, crossing an invisible boundary that leaves you feeling lighter.
You walk, slow, stumbling as your lungs struggle to adapt.Â
Unable to get far, you collapse unto a patch of grass, overlooking an expansive patch of trees overgrown with weeds and vines.Â
On replay in your mind is the fight youâd just had with Uvogin, how his words sliced you deep. How he struggled with your pain, and how you spent too much time keeping your thoughts from him to ease his own. A selfish feat. But they were fearful, self deprecating thoughts that plagued you day in and out. The heaviness of accepting an eventual death that could be at any turn. The realization of your complacency and how the doubt Batesâs kidnapping of you set a spiraling turn of events. That you doubted your love feeling anxiety over his touch or telling him those three words- and how it made you selfish. More than ever. That you now saw Uvoginâs actions in the evil, manipulative light they were, and you did not care. Not anymore. His charismatic, strong nature over you was irrevocably his property, his wife, and this would have happened kidnapping or not.Â
The cold, you feel yourself becoming one with it as your shallow breaths exhale fog around you. Your body feels numb as your pulse slows at an alarming pace. Itâs comforting, serenely quiet before a high pitched noise sounds in your ears. The scenery is beautiful, you admire it as your eyelids droop, this was a good place to pass. To rest. The sky so blue, the sun high and bright, alluding to a perfect Summer day yet you shiver from the almost freezing temperature.Â
You hear footsteps approaching and you hope itâs Uvo, that heâd get on his knees and beg for your forgiveness, that heâd make it up to you. But itâs not and you almost laugh, maybe he really did mean he was done with you.Â
âChrollo?â You jolted back to reality at the sight of the Phantom Troupe leader, at first having thought the figure was imaginary. In all these years you never conversed much, Uvogin having said the passing of his wife permanently altered him.Â
âY/N, dear.â His tone is gentle. He approaches and you see the heavy coat and blanket he carries.
âDonât.â You stammer, âIâve made my choice, I ask you to respect it. Just make sure heâs okay once I die. I used to think he deserved it after everything, after taking me but- god,â You let out an insane sounding laugh, âI donât want to leave him, but I canât live like this. Coughing up my lungs, blood, always tired, unable to eat. My body is giving out on me.â
âWhen I lost her, I thought my life was ending.â Chrollo laments, closing in on you to wrap you in the warm fabric. He takes a seat beside you, âIt did. Iâm forever stuck, unable to move on. And truly? I am okay with it. But there isnât a thing I wouldnât do for any members of the Troupe so they never have to experience the magnitude of losing your wife.â
âI understand but-â
âI want you to tell me what it is you truly want. If you could have one wish.â
You respond instantly, not needing to think of your answer, âTo be healthy and live the rest of my life with Uvo.â
âIâm glad to hear that. I believe you.â Chrollo sighed, âI wanted to respect your wishes but I had a feeling you were accepting the path of a martyr as all roads appeared exhausted. I found someone, a skilled doctor from another continent who has treated and helped patients with symptoms similar to or more extreme than yours. He likes the challenges of strange chronic illnesses.â
You straighten, an invisible weight feeling like itâd been lifted off of you. Your mind is short circuiting however, as if youâd been unplugged. Youâd had to come to terms with your impending doom after a multitude of medical avenues were taken at no expense. But Chrolloâs outreach must have been intense, it must have taken ages to discover if youâre only now hearing of it.Â
Hope rushed into you. A re-ignited fire burning bright within, making the idea of living another day plausible. Something you wanted.Â
âDoes Uvo know? Where is he? He left me I⊠Thought he was done. That he didnât want me-â
âI sent Feitan to find him, I wanted to talk to you first. The doctor is already on his way. I did not want to waste time if you agreed. And if you truly wanted to rest for eternity, Iâd have sent him back.â
âHow.. But the Troupe- please donât kill him after.â
âNo, it would be a waste. He is miniscule as a threat to us, I actually thought him to be dead all these years. I knew him briefly in Meteor City, he would come to treat the children.â
âAh.â Knowing the doctor wouldnât die for helping you released you from any possible qualms youâd have had, âChrollo?â
âYes?â
âI appreciate it, and I apologize for making you come out here.â
âDo not. Uvogin should be the one apologizing to you.â Chrollo stands with ease, then helps you stand, âI wouldnât let him off easy, while we all deal with things in our own way, heâd have always regret walking out on you if it were the final time. We should never take time with our loved ones for granted. I am only glad I could find a possible solution for you.â
Youâre swelling with appreciation, genuine happiness that you donât think youâve felt since the wedding. And before that? Prior to your initial pneumonia diagnosis almost 18 months ago. And definitely prior to Bates. With the burst of joy through your veins you want to throw your arms around Chrollo and thank him profusely some more, but thatâs not something youâre physically capable of. Your legs can hardly hold you upwards as you two walk, him having to keep a firm grasp on your waist and arm in case. Slowly the path turned into the walkway for the Troupeâs base, the walking time taking practically double what it should have. But thatâs okay, youâre too filled with ambition dreaming about having a normal functioning body once more even if Uvogin still wants to be done with you.Â
Your teeth chatter, tips of your extremities a bright red from the chill. Unable to stop shaking even from the sudden heat inside.Â
Chrollo helped you into your bed in Uvoginâs room, telling you heâll have Machi swing by. The warmth of the room and the mound of blankets covering you, itâs suddenly easier to sleep than ever. For now you let yourself dream about good health, about treatments working, but still worry scraped the back of your mind when it came to your husband. Burning deep in your gut at the thought of your vows meaning nothing. As you begin to drift offâ Â
You hear a deep voice yelling laced with panic. Uvogin sounded ready to rage, to throw furniture across the room, you could picture the anger radiating from him through his tone. Because his words are hazy to you, and even as the door bursts open youâre unable to look. The feeling of large hands combing along your cool skin was the last thing you felt before falling into darkness.Â
Uvogin shudders in relief as he watches your chest rise then fall. Your wind stained cheeks still pink as his thumb dragged along your face. Heâs coming down from an intense adrenaline fueled high, his heart hammering in his chest ready to burst. How angry heâd been as Nobunaga followed hot on his trail attempting to put reason into him. And how Feitan appeared out of thin air with a look mixed with pity and contempt, saying Chrollo needed him for an emergency. How his stomach dropped filled with nauseating butterflies as his mind jumped to you, that him storming out left you vulnerable. That you fucking died somehow, as heâd let you think he was done. His selfishness towards his lack of control wracked him with guilt as he raced back to the Base.Â
But instead Chrollo awaited him with a stern lecture even as he tried to push back yelling for you, body screaming for you to be against him. Yet Chrollo sat there amused over his idea to let Uvoginâs thoughts run rampant to a worse case scenario, sickeningly wanting him to feel the sorrow, the agony of losing you to get it through his thick head this wasnât all about him. Then the leader informed him of the doctor on his way, giving one final effort to help you.Â
âIâm so sorry.âÂ
Uvogin repeated as he pressed wet kisses to your skin, inhaling your scent like it was his own personal drug. His addiction to your frame in his as the bed creaked when he joined you under the blankets.Â
How tiny you are compared to his monstrous form, precious and fragile as you subconsciously nuzzled into his warmth even in a half conscious slumber. He can feel all the cold that rattled you melt from your body due to his own heat, how you no longer shuddered as you fell further limp with relaxation. Little mewls escaping your lips. The jerk reaction of your leg twitching as you murmured something under your breath. Not quite actual words but always made his lips quirk.Â
âUvo?â You exhale with a smacking of your lips, a whimper as you attempt to shift. Arms and legs trembling as you stretch out waking from your quick douse of sleep, âYouâre back?âÂ
Your delicate lashes flutter as you languidly look about.Â
âDo⊠You still want me?âÂ
Oh his heart shattered from your frail words as you rubbed at your eyes, eyes glittering from the wetness in your lash line. Your bottom lip trembling that all Uvogin can do to show you his devotion is press a chaste kiss to you.Â
âAlways.â He grunted before deepening his lips against yours with force, slipping his tongue inside your mouth to taste and to claim.Â
You gripped his bicep, head spinning from the suddenness of his stealing your breath. Now suffocating in his warmth, his scent, and his touch as you lose yourself in the pleasure running down your spine. Emotions all over. Anger at him for leaving, for yelling. Relief heâd come back. His hands roam underneath your clothes to lay ownership over your body, a heavy groan vibrating into you as he tugged you closer. If it were even possible. Heâd tie you to him if he could, keep you glued to him, be inside you to be molded as one.Â
As you become more aware, your feelings of betrayal towards him coming back, you push on his pectorals. And when he doesnât budge you push again harder, words laced with venom shooting from your mouth.Â
âI want you off me.â
He looked like a kicked puppy, surprised as he pulled away. Someone so big with his bulking muscles looked like he wanted to shrivel up before he regained his senses, then attempted to entrap you in his arms.
âYou donât get to crawl into bed and kiss me after what you said. Would you have come back? Would you be this happy if Chrollo didnât tell you about the doctor?â
âBaby.â He murmured miffed as you squirmed from his grasp, âI-â
âHe found me outside, I was so cold and lost, going to just die there.â Uvoginâs face twists to something unreadable and devastating, but you continue, âHe asked me what I wanted. If I would accept help from one last doctor, it would be okay if I said no. Uvo Iâve had to come to terms with all of this on my own, youâve always been so convinced it would be okay. But donât you understand we were out of options? We have limited time, all I wanted was to rest, to enjoy whatever I had left with you. Yet you storm off. I know itâs been taxing for you but I have tried so hard to stay alive.â
You donât want to cry, you donât want him to see you suffer more. You get up from the bed, seeing how his arm twinged as he held himself back from grabbing you, Uvogin was smart enough to understand times you needed autonomy to stick it in your head that you had a semblance of control.
âAnd I am going to do whatever it is this doctor wants to try, but if it doesnât work you need to accept that Iâm letting fate have its turn with me.âÂ
It felt like an eternity as you and Uvogin stared into the depths of the others eyes, watching every movement the large man could make. The apprehension in his body language as the gears turned in his head put you on edge. For he was stubborn.Â
âAlright.â
Alright. He says it like itâs a defeat but offers a faint smile to follow it up. You sigh from the comfort it brought you, physically allowing your shoulders to relax from where you stood. The bed served as a thick barrier between you physically, but the expanse there mentally was like a cavern.Â
âUvo.â You sniffled, lips quivering as the necessity for him brought you to tears. But you couldnât, wouldnât as you remembered his words from earlier.
âCâmere baby.âÂ
âNo.âÂ
He says nothing though you have ideas what heâs debating doing.Â
âI canât. Not after what you said. How willing you were to tell me to die, then walk away.â
From words spoken out of quick anger, Uvogin watched as the relationship cultivated between you two seemingly came crashing down. A thread wound so tight, pulling and pulling for months, finally snapped. And he knows he needs to patch it back up as quickly as possible, get you back into his orbit.Â
He groans into his hands, pushing against his cheeks running his fingers against his skin down to his jaw, eyes moist. An incredulous look flashed across his face as his mouth opened then closed, then opened back up to speak but with no words to follow.Â
A standstill, you wipe at your tears, âI think we need some time apart.â
âNo. Absolutely not, youâre out your fuckinâ mind if you think Iâm leaving your side.â From confusion to immediate discontent, his chest overflowing with annoyance at your stupidity thinking heâd give you space.
âBut you did. Earlier.â
Uvogin had nothing to retort back for once as his brows pinched together. His thick fingers flexed as he focused on containing his growing temper he felt towards himself, the divide he put between you two.Â
âAnd I fucked up. Got no excuse for my behavior besides I was pissed, I know Iâm big and breaking shit around you isnât the answer. Walking away wonât fix it but I had to leave before I did anything Iâd regret. Couldnât scare you further or risk hurting you. The thought of me being the reason youâre ever hurt makes me fucking ill, Iâd rather break every bone in my body. I love you, and Iâll prove it to you every single day over and over if I gotta. But Iâm not giving you space.â
Itâs the most genuine apology thatâs ever left his lips, has you warm inside and brain flitting to accept immediately. You see and hear the regret, it pulls at your heart making your stomach flutter with butterflies. He knew exactly what you needed to hear but this time around he said nothing he didnât mean in an attempt to sway you back into his arms. He was a truthful, passionate man overall, only straying when absolutely necessary in keeping you happy with him. And he sees you perk up. Knows heâs got you.
âIâll hold you to that.â Itâs hard to hide the twinkle in your eyes, the involuntary upturn of your lips, or your reddened face because of him. How you know youâre giving in to him too easily and that you should make him work for it more. Get on his knees and beg, maybe do a few things while down there too.Â
Because against better judgment youâre across the room and straddling the expanse of his large hips. Your lips desperately pressing into his uncaring for the way your lungs throbbed within you, not until youâre pulling back. A coughing fit comes over you, heavy and mucus filled, from the depths of you making you shudder. Uvogin holds you, petting your back as you hack against his chest. Burning. You felt so hot it was almost unbearable as the intake of any air was torturous for your frail body.Â
He sighed into your hair, listening to your erratic pulse, âMy sweetest girl. I got you. No matter what happens with this doctor, Iâm here.âÂ
And you believe him, whether or not out of necessity. It doesnât really matter anymore.Â
You fall into a strange cycle with him the following days. Uvogin becomes your ever present, ever hovering gigantic shadow that moved precisely when you did. His intense gaze feels like a permanent fixture upon you, watching, assessing every move you made. From the food you consumed so that it was up to his standards of health, to taking over shaving your legs, to not letting a single person touch you besides himself⊠It brings you back to the first year you spent with him before the relationship blossomed, to how robotically he controlled your life.Â
Pieces of you wanted to brush him off, punish him as exasperation boiled within you. Unable to push his hands away without a glare. His gigantic form pressing against you constantly.
But this was different, you had to believe so. He was scared to lose you. Bad enough you wandered outside with him knowing because he stormed off, almost leaving you to freeze to death. So day in and day out you're met with an onslaught of kisses and tender touches along with his over-protective barrage. In your soul you feel it though, the light at the end of the tunnel slowly approaching. Just what that light was- you werenât certain.
-
Two weeks later on the dot does Chrollo arrive with the mysterious doctor in tow. Youâre nervous sitting atop the table in the small infirmary in the Troupeâs basement. You remember the medicinal scent from the one other time youâd been down here and it makes you squirm, palms sweating as you fiddle with Uvoginâs fingers. .Â
Uvogin had pulled a chair to be beside you, a large hand engulfing one of your own as the doctor carefully looked you over, taking vitals, and a few vials of blood. Youâd pouted at the sight of the needles, begging Uvo for some help which only brought a wicked grin to his face. You knew he liked how hard youâd squeezed him as blood was drawn, making a face at the nauseous feeling it brought. Heâs trying so hard to keep your spirits up and you daresay itâs working?
Things had been strange, more tense in some ways, Uvogin seemingly walking on eggshells around you. Scared to upset you. Overly doting if that were even possible for the clingy man who would choose to spend time with you over Troupe business. (Which took you far too long to realize how serious he was the first time he told you that.)
âIâm going to run these tests I need real quick. I need to be able to count out a few possibilities to confirm what I think our path is. My nen will speed up the process so sit tight.â The doctor, who was a short man with an overgrown beard, said offering a kind smile.Â
âThank you.â You take a sharp breath in and glance at Uvo. The door clicked close, leaving the two of you to sit in heavy silence.
You watched him slowly kiss your knuckles one at a time, expelling the unruly feelings of obsessive jealousy coursing through him. His overly possessive nature regardless of your health, hated the doctorâs hands on you. Was grounding himself as his lips dragged along your skin, âFeeling okay?âÂ
âNervous. Hated describing everything Iâve dealt with, though I know he needed to hear it.â You sighed. The insurmountable effort to get out of bed each day was wearing you down, at this point youâre surprised youâre able to at all. Mornings begin with faint cries and whimpers as Uvo helps you up. Then you stay placated in the same spots, droning away at whatever is shoved in front of you. And night time was when your bones could relax and mind could have its reprieve from the constant synapses shooting aching pain through you.Â
You didnât speak much as butterflies spurred from Uvoginâs invasive touching, continuing to claim parts of you as his own as you wait. But there was a twisting past the sparks he made you feel, one dreadful and sickening. A wandering mind down alleyways of deceit telling yourself thereâd be no magical cure or good news; that youâd spend your remaining time wasting away in suffering.Â
Eventually the door creaked open and the doctor strode in, head stuck in a clipboard, âAlright.â
Youâre sitting straight, electricity shooting through your spine. Uvo tenses next to you, his grip on your thigh tightening ever so slightly.
The diagnosis was in the air of what youâd expected. Pneumonia from the time before Bates kidnapped you never properly healed. It expanded into more. Your respiratory tract was giving up and the rest of your body did too. It wouldnât be long before youâd begin coughing up blood per the doctor, the statement shaking you to your core.
âI see antibiotics have not done much, which are always the first line of defense. Which I believe a more aggressive track should be taken.âÂ
âAnd what is that?â Uvogin asked in a low voice, fringing on threatening.Â
âI would like to put you into a medical nen induced coma.âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âUvo.â You grab his wrist as a silent plea, âHeâd know better than us on treatment.âÂ
Your insistence has Uvogin backing down, as in his body physically relaxing. His muscles twitch in the arm you grasp.Â
âI have seen and treated 3 cases of hemoptysis or pneumonia successfully this way. And have studied cases of past colleagues too. We are in the unique situation where my nen would be the driving factor rather than what a normal hospital would use. Your body would be given complete rest, no need to fight each day to walk or eat, or even rest. It would give your white blood cells the ability to fight this intense infection. This has turned a lung infection into something chronic, this is the only route that makes sense to take.â
âHow long will the coma be for?â You race to articulate your swarming thoughts. Theyâre all jumbled due to your lack of medical understanding and the fear seeping in. But between you and Uvo, you need to be calm so he is. Because when it came to you, any sense went out the window.Â
âTwo weeks. But I would be able to tell from test results if youâd need longer. Then afterwards for 3 months thereâd be a strict regimen of pills.â
You take a deep breath in, âAnd if this doesnât work?â
The doctor gives you a solemn look, which you understand, âThen weâd want to make you comfortable.âÂ
It was a scary thought. Going to sleep and not waking up one day. One that youâd rather prefer than a malicious death, like torture at the hands of Feitan. While you feel confidence in this doctor, in that youâd wake up from the nen coma, itâs what comes after that makes bile churn in your gut.Â
The doctor wants to put you into the coma pronto.Â
Uvogin wants to argue, you see the fire in his eyes, the desperation on his face. The silent anger vibrates in him as he wants to scoop you, his wife, up and leave. His silent pent up feelings of failing you coming to the surface.Â
He holds your hand as your body goes limp. The pink glow of the doctorâs nen cocooning you inside, not allowing Uvogin to touch you. He hates it.Â
The days go painfully slow.Â
An hour felt like twenty.Â
The first week felt like a year.Â
Uvogin was more combative than normal, aggressive with his words when he used them. Abnormally quiet but everyone knew to steer clear of him. Leaving your side was an absolute no-go for the large man, needing to watch every delicate breath to prove to himself youâre still breathing.Â
If someone like Uvogin was truly capable of true self reflection- he probably would have during this time. Sure, his mind occasionally filled him with doubt, if his life choices were some fateful cause of your doom. Much like his thoughts had when Bates had you, at least this time he had his eyes on you.Â
When the second week finally came to an end and the doctor confirmed it was safe for you to be woken up, that your vitals showed drastic improvement, Uvogin was elated.Â
How endearing it was as you whined, eyes fluttering as you struggled to wake. Limbs heavy as you reach in the air through blurry vision, attempting to claw at your face. How you mewled for him relishing in his suffocating touch, fueling his protective instincts more than ever.Â
You properly wake to lips against your own, stealing your breath before moving to your jaw. Through heavy eyelids you can make out the side of Uvoâs head, then threading a hand through his wild locks. You can feel his burning lips kissing, the nipping down your neck as he sucks the delicate skin between his teeth to leave marks. A fast sigh of pain leaves your lips as a jolt inside you grounds you to your surroundings.Â
âUvo?â You croak, voice betraying you as it doesnât sound like your own. Throat dry and hoarse, it hurts to speak so you donât.Â
He doesnât respond to you right away, Uvogin groping and squeezing at your skin. Swirling heat envelopes your weary limbs, sweat pooling along your hairline as your core goes flush with molten liquid. Sleep still dragged on your eyelids. You could barely move your own legs from the exhaustion and traces of medical nen pricking along you. Â
Your legs move, Uvogin spreading your thighs wide. The bed creaks as his weight presses on it. His body exudes searing heat. Burning you as you squirm and mewl about the heavy fog weighing down on you. Chest heavy, heart hammering so much that you hear the blood pounding in your ears as you swallow in anticipation.Â
The feeling of your nightgown hiking makes you gasp. Your panties peeled off your form felt like jabs of knives down your numbly tingling skin.Â
Uvoginâs thick cockhead prods at your folds, âFuckinâ hell your soaked. Thinkinâ of me in your dreams?â He chuckled cruelly.Â
You whimper as a moistness between your legs fill you with shame, his words only prodding it further.Â
Mind lit in static fire, blue and orange with smoke paralyzing your brain as your hips jerk to meet his involuntarily. Body blistering from head to toe, confusing lust settled in you as you feel a pained stretch through your smoky mind.Â
âFuck youâre tight.â Uvogin grunted as he sank his cock further.Â
Heâs splitting you apart. You cry out, a ghastly moan as your walls spasm around the large length forcing its way in. Dazed and overwhelmed. Impossibly full before you could properly register you were even alive. That youâd been in a coma for two weeks. That now, your poor cunt was shoved full of cock and your stomach expanded as Uvogin grunted with each vicious inch he pushed further in. Fingers seized at his biceps nails drawing blood, toes curled as your legs trembled with feathery pleasure whilst all you felt was unnatural.Â
Youâre being pushed and pulled every which way, caught in a dangerous undercurrent that shows no reprieve to let you swim upwards. Extraordinary pleasure blossoms within you, petal by petal unfolding and its bright colors glimmering in ecstasy. Ecstasy that choked you up to where you couldnât breathe as tears brimmed at your eyes, desperately trying to gain senses.
Uvogin began to fuck into you slow, uncaring for the lack of prep, primarily driven by his insatiable want for you. Driven by the fear over your health and his lack of control. That shoving his cock into you to feel your poor gummy walls squeeze the life out of him, settled his churning emotions. That the incessant burn of anxiety in his chest was being snuffed out, and all because the electric pleasure of being one with you brought him.Â
âUvo!â You cry so sweetly for him, all hoarse and face filled with confusion. He was your lifeline in the storm. A storm he brought upon you. One that lifted you and dropped you as his cock hit your most sensitive spots, nestling up against your cervix only to pull out and thrust in again.Â
Your lust filled whimpers only grow as Uvogin manhandled your thighs further apart, resting them on his biceps as he towered over you. His thick muscles corded with each push to the hilt of his hips flush to yours. Smacking of skin filled the dry air, your pain still twisting with rapture as his name repeats off your tongue.Â
He leans to capture your lips, an inhuman-like groan from the back of his throat tickles your ears. It was one of desperation, higher pitched and letting you see him with shields down. His gigantic body practically trembles upon you as he picks the pace up, pistoning his hard cock over and over, and over. Mind blurring. Squirt dripples from your abused hole as you reach your high through a giant wave of pleasure.Â
âMissed you.â Is all he moans. Again. And again.
Your arms move around his neck, legs attempting to wrap around his expansive waist. You canât imagine him being any further, needing him closer, even closer than the part of him inside you. Because as you blink furiously, registering in your post orgasm haze, about the medical nen coma. That you donât know the state of your health or the day of the month it is, instead all you can feel is your husbandâs cock burying deeper into your guts like heâd never get to again. Overstimulated and too full, Uvogin roared as he came feeling your perfect velvet walls so tight, his vision whiting out. The way the bulge in your lower tummy inflated, the way he re-hardened in seconds to empty you to slam back in. A silent scream all that escapes you.
Fucking through each otherâs highs there was nothing you could have ever wanted more than him like this. Maybe you would have wanted him to wake you properly to meet with the doctor to know whether or not youâd live or die. But youâd take this heated moment as you lose your mind as he fucks your sensitive nerves and toys with your clit, murmuring loving yet intense proclamations into your ears.Â
Blissed-out face. Uvoginâs eyes burning into yours. Sweat falling from your foreheads. Cries of love. Heavy breaths. Electricity swarms you two, bodies lit in flames of passion and his possession over your body, mind and soul. As he comes again, letting your tiny cunt greedily take his warm seed, your chest sores and a pathetic smile tugs at your lips. Youâre babbling incoherent words. Letting him grope you and kiss, and nip and play with your most sensitive areas even as you cried for a reprieve. His come leaked from your folds, an intense river of the warm seed trickling down to the bed, leaving you oh so empty from it and the aftermath of losing his cock. You cried for him to go back inside, that you needed to feel close to him to be one with him. Your hips bucked and jerked as tears fell, pitiful pouts before he laughed.
He sucks and licks along your cunt, slurping your juices and his own seed. Playing with your sensitive and enlarged clit as tingles shoot along your core, twisting so good in your belly. Sweet salvation as you sigh in joy and blurry vision from the pleasure his mouth gave you, collapsing further into the pillows and opening your legs further to welcome him. Fingers threading into his hair to keep his head in the very spot you needed.Â
A whimper bubbles from you as he kisses up your aching slit, before leisurely dragging along your sensitive bud that feels just right. Furiously working you to another climax as he suckled your clit, a finger stroking inwards of your thigh. He pads along your sopping entrance and you shudder, watching as two fingers sink into your cunt. Two of his large fingers, which one alone bigger than most cocks. Stretching you out so good as he pumped and curled to your liking, stimulating all the spots that he knew made you go dumb. Uvogin thinks he wants to watch you lose yourself to him but he knows this is a fine line heâs on already, taking advantage of you in such a vulnerable state. But he canât help himself! Youâre just so cute and heâd been so scared the last two weeks. He needed to have his cock deep in your little pussy, the one heâd been so good not to fuck whilst you were in your coma. He wonders if youâd let him fill you again as he jerked his hips against the mattress as his cock began to harden again.Â
Youâre grinding against him, he smirks before latching back onto your clit and listens to every vibrato of each moan. Of each cry and beg as your slick rushes from your tight cunt, ecstasy blossoming inside you once more as he coaxes orgasm after orgasm from you, him allowing your roadmap of pleasure to lead back to the thick tip of his cock prodding at your slit once more. You smile, so stupidly with a wet face and flushed skin, hardened nipples and asking for him to fill you up again.Â
And he does.
Until you're leaking of him. Barely conscious and not able to even moan in pleasure. Until you're trembling and neither your arms or legs can support you anymore. Till heâs shooting blanks and still nudging himself back into you even as you drift off.
Uvogin ruts into your barely there form, pulling you to the edge of the bed so he can have a better view. His come dried and caked onto your skin. Hair a mess. Face swelled red and dried with streaked tears. He grunts as his feet garner support from the ground so he can pound back into you without worrying about the mattress holding him. He doesnât care that you arenât crying his name or begging for more. All he sees and cares about how you still squirt little streaks of juices from your hole and across his abdomen. How your body is so obsessed with his touch that he can still make you orgasm even as you lull in and out of sleep. Your clit is so engorged, pink and sensitive but he canât stop playing with it, rolling it between his calloused fingers as you squirm. Or sucking on it so harshly you passed out earlier, only awoken by him tapping your cheek, pulling the back of your head up so you could watch his cock morph your insides to him as you barely understood what was going on before spasming and blanking out again. Staring into your blank eyes, mouth open in an O-shape, he tells you how much he loves you, and that everything is going to be okay. And of course you believe him, heâs your husband after all, the only man youâd let use you like a fuckdoll in your sickly state to the point your tummy inflated from his thick spurts of come.
Tomorrow, you tell yourself, youâll come back to the reality of your situation. Tomorrow. For now youâll bask in your husband as an escape.
-
Itâs the next day, your legs and core are so sore, when you meet with the doctor. It felt like the pink blush was permanently painted along your cheeks as he checked over your vitals. Uvogin watched you smug, one hand tracing circles along the low of your back. The memories of yesterday are prevalent in the air, the thought of it makes you go flush. Uvogin knows the effects he has on you even in such a serious moment that you almost want to smack him for it.
This was it. The moment of truth.Â
You're fluttering with anxious nerves, stomach churning and youâre eyeing the garbage can for the chance you puke. Thundering in your ears as your heart hammers and blood rushes. Itâs like your surroundings were null as you carefully watch the doctorâs every move, listen to his every breath and word to analyze what they mean. Looking for any sign in his body language that youâre fucked, that it failed and youâre officially out of options.Â
But it doesnât come. He smiled warmly between you and Uvogin.Â
âAs I expected, my nen coma was a success.âÂ
As he expected? Had he seemed so certain two weeks ago? You didnât think so, but apparently he believed off of past patients that youâd recover?
He continues, âYour body was able to replenish itself not having to strain itself the last two weeks. Youâre out of the danger zones to where traditional medicine will be able to bring you back to around 90% of your strength. While itâll never be completely perfect, permanent damage has been done, youâll no longer be in chronic pain day in or day out, or worrying about coughing up blood. You can go up stairs without stopping and go for walks without needing someoneâs assistance. Youâll have energy, an appetite, no longer with permanent symptoms of pneumonia, and excitement towards the future once more.âÂ
You immediately look to Uvogin, who for once looks pleasantly surprised. His eyes glitter as he meets your gaze, and he smiles. Itâs genuine, not forced like everything had been at one point to keep your spirits high. Immediately, you fling your arms around him, tears prick at your lash line. Hugging him as tight as you can knowing you couldnât hurt him, while his boisterous laugh is like music to your ears.Â
The doctor sends Uvogin out of the room to fetch food, saying heâll go over your medications now.Â
For a second you stutter, your whole body short circuiting as you donât want Uvo to leave. But his encouraging nod your way before he closes the door helps you relax.Â
You quickly discover why the doctor wanted time alone with you.
âItâs fairly simple, these two bottles of faint coral-pink pills are for the next two months. Theyâre high dosages which is why theyâre rather large pills, do your best to get them down. Take them with food as well.âÂ
The doctor grabs two other bottles, your stomach drops as you feel a change in the air.Â
âNow, Iâll keep it simple. I canât tell if youâre happy, what kind of doctor would I be if I helped you recover just to keep you with a dangerous band of criminals?â He laments, âThe pale yellow pills are for the final month, theyâll cement the work of my nen and the pink pills. You should not regress for the rest of your life, theyâre strong and will kill off any remaining infections or diseases. Youâll be lethargic so I recommend taking them at night.â
âWhat about the blue ones?â You ask, stomach feeling like it was in the pits of hell the way it violently churned within you.Â
âTheyâll undo mine and the pillâs work and will allow you to pass peacefully. Take them for a final way out.â
âYou- How couldâŠâÂ
âIâll write down directions, yellow pills if you feel like the pink ones worked. Blue is needed if more aggressive medications are needed after the two months. At your discretion, who would argue?â
For a split second you wonder if this was a test. But you just smile at him, âI really appreciate your help. Itâll be nice to breathe normally again.â
âItâs my pleasure.â
It took all your strength to not focus too intently on the blue pills as the doctor explained to Uvogin what they meant. He was completely bought in by the âdeceivingâ explanations, no inkling present that one of the bottles could kill you.
You donât want to think about it, not too much. You want to think about having autonomy once more. To breathe without hacking, to walk without needing help, to eat without getting sick.Â
Month one- you take the bottle of pink pills. Each day, you arenât sure if youâre truly feeling better or if itâs a placebo. A week of getting out of bed without tears or an aching body, is when you realize recovery was possible. You begin to enjoy full meals with Uvo, seeing the delight on his face when you bake for the first time in over a year. You two laugh at the mess, how half the pastries were burnt but itâs progress as you salvage the edible parts to feed the other. Your deep, nasty cough still surfaced each day. Less and less mucus each time. Youâd sleep through the nights, once again becoming the one to wake up first like a waiting puppy for its owner, how expectantly you stared down at him nudging him to wake. How for the first time you were able to initiate sex with no worries of getting sick or him hurting you, as you took his swollen lengthy cock into your mouth. Him standing over you as he lets you explore him with your tongue. Heâs so heavy and you giggle, warm and needy as you suck and kiss, lick along his thick veins to the point he canât handle your teasing. You cry as he fucks your face but theyâre good tears, and he watches as you swallow and then open your mouth to show him. Uvogin never leaves your side but for once you feel joy towards it, not frustration.Â
Month two- you still take the pink pills and the improvement is astronomical. You giggle like a maniac as you skip about the fluttering grass outside the Troupeâs Base. Uvo watches you spin about before falling to the ground in exhaustion, he smiles as you bask in the sun. Youâre breathing heavily but no coughing fits come. Youâre bright red and clearly tired but you can still get up to keep going. Heâs relaxing under a tree and youâre running around like your life depended on it, he thinks youâre just so damn cute. This is the month you return to more hobbies, become more talkative and want to watch more shows or finally give him back snarky remarks. Uvogin almost dies from the elation, the lightness of his chest at how life returned to you, how you were you. Not the husk of a person stolen away because of disease, youâre happy. Right?Â
Itâs now month three- you stare between the two bottles. âTake the blue pills for a way out.â The doctor's words reverberate, youâd ignored them for the first two months not wanting to worry about it. Not wanting to get in your head before making a decision.Â
You sit in the main room of the Troupeâs Base, Chrollo had called a last minute meeting the night before so Uvogin had to cart you out of bed, ruining a rather good dream. Youâre staring at the medications on the counter, then eyes flickering to the clock. Today was the first day you needed to make your choice, the one youâd avoided for so long.Â
Sickness numbed your mind at times, while at others allowed you to see things for what they really were. You think. Youâd been ready to die, to be released from chronic neverending pain, but now having life back changed your mind. Little things youâd always taken more granted were now things you would never want to lose again. Maybe youâd lost yourself a long time ago, maybe you were always a horrible person to love Uvogin, but as you recount all these years with him you donât want to lose him. Or the way he loved you. The doubt youâd had towards him after Bates was finally washing away, you walled all the incessant ringing youâd have in your ears off. No more were you susceptible to the common sense you had at the start of your captivity to always hang onto the truth about him. You walled it all off, brick by brick in your head.Â
Maybe a part of you wants him to suffer. Wondering how heâd react when you suddenly fell sick again and passed, would he be ruined? Would he move on? You figured heâd do something dumb, find a way to get himself killed more likely. So you walled those feelings off too.Â
âHey.âÂ
âHi.â You smile as Uvo walks out from one of the halls. You mewl into his large hand as he cups the side of your head before moving so you could lean back into him. Heâs so large over you that when you lean back on the side of your chair that you only reach up to his thighs.Â
You crane your neck to look up, âEverything okay?â
âYep. Nothinâ for you to worry about.â He looks at the bottles on the table, âSo, what ones you thinking? Can you mix them depending on how you feel each day?â
âUh, donât know about that, doubt it? Iâve been trying to recount everything to make a decision. Because I mean⊠I canât complain, I feel good.âÂ
âRight.â Uvogin held a hand for you to take, then he grabbed your waist to help you up, âUp to you then, babe.â
The feeling of his thumb circling against your clothed side and the suddenness of standing makes your head spin. In a moment of striking clarity you reach to grab one of the bottles, certain in your choice.
âYeah?âÂ
âMhmm.â You grin up at him, squeezing his hand as you lace your fingers with his.Â
The bottle of yellow pills rattles in your hand as you two make your way to his room. The blue pills sit forgotten, almost screaming out for you to change your mind, to think things through again. That you needed to at least leave cracks in the wall you created to protect yourself, just in case. But you didnât. You coated it in shiny protective layers of something in your mind, causing your chest to surge in feelings of love and all things gooey and over the top. Just stars left shining in your eyes as you look at him.Â
The month of taking the yellow pills passed, they made you lethargic like the doctor said they would, causing you to get mass amounts of sleep. But he was right, they made you feel good as new.Â
You sit cross legged in the townhome, leafing through pages of your book as Uvogin shuffles around in the kitchen. Heâd insisted that heâd make dinner tonight, which you told him takeout would be just as satisfactory (and probably better anyways).Â
After multiple interventions on your part you two finally sit connected at the hip as your weekly show plays, food in hand. When Uvo finishes he tucks an arm around your waist pulling you closer, pressing a kiss to your hair. A heaviness in your chest suddenly becomes apparent, each time you swallow the food seeming dry and tasteless.Â
âUvo?â
He sensed the tension in your small body immediately, but didnât say anything as he knew you were still adjusting. While physically you could handle a lot from long walks or eating actual food, mentally you were still catching up with the changes.Â
âWhatâs up?â
âCan I tell you something?â You ask meekly. Your fingers feel sweaty, you have to set the food down on the coffee table immediately. A storm rages within you. One side telling you to spill, the other telling you to let this be a secret you die with.
âAnything.âÂ
âThe- You remember the blue pills I could have taken instead of the yellow ones?â More screaming within you to stop. Like hands were physically trying to drag your voice back down, that this would only anger him.Â
âI do.âÂ
You canât bring yourself to look at him, focusing on your hands in your lap. Youâre more aware of his hulking presence holding you to him than before. Youâre more aware of his steady heartbeat and breaths as you wait for them to speed up, to show his anger.
âYou canât get mad.â
âMad âbout what? You end up taking any?âÂ
Your heart is hammering in your ribs, like itâd burst out ripping you and all your biggest fears into the open. Itâs giving you away, you know it. The room felt like it was closing in, suffocating you until you took a deep breath in. No lies. You were given a new chance at life and you would not keep this from him. Couldnât. It was best it came from you rather than someone else somehow down the road.Â
âThey would have actually killed me.âÂ
Silence.Â
âUvo?â
âYeah?â
Heâs not reacting how you thought he would. He starts to fucking laugh and youâre staring at him like a deer in headlights. It makes feelings of annoyance bubble in your chest, anger as your nose flares and your pupils dilate.Â
âWhy⊠Are you laughing? Itâs not funny.â
âCourse itâs not, babe, but I already knew.â He shrugged.Â
âHow?â
âShalnark. Guess he got curious what was in them after you said you wouldnât be taking them. I said he could have âem to do whatever that tech freak does.âÂ
âI donât understand.â
âCame to me and told me they would have regressed your pneumonia and caused you to pass in your sleep eventually. So I assumed you were aware of that, the doctor probably lied to me, and you made the choice to live. Of course I had to wonder what if you didnât know and it was all luck you didnât take them, now I know it wasnât.â
âThatâs why you didnât say anything?â
âYep, figured if you didnât know youâd have flipped shit.â
âWhy are you acting so calm? Youâre freaking me out.â
Uvogin forced you to look up at him. He pulled you in for a quick kiss, âBecause you chose me. You had all that time to think about it so you must have known for certain you wanted to be with me.â He grinned deviously, âCourse Iâm a little irked but, I do deserve some shit still for kidnapping you. Iâd say it all worked out though, huh?âÂ
You playfully smacked his chest, unable to hide your grin, âYou know I looked at the blue pills as a way out if the medical coma and pink pills didnât work. That if I was back in pain, I couldnât believe it almost, I was ready to suffer again. Not once did I want to use them because I wanted to be away from you. Sure I wondered if you deserved to suffer for the shit you do, but I love you. I wanted help from that doctor because I want more time with you, I could have said no to Chrollo three months ago. So I knew what my choice was from the start. Youâre all I wanted those months with Bates, I had time to think, unravel my feelings yet youâre it for me Uvo. Guess youâll get your karma in another way.â
âSo fucking cute, wife.â His lips crushed onto yours again, his tongue shoving inside claiming you. He pulled you to straddle his lap before he pulled away to rest his forehead against yours, âYou had me believing in that stupid karma shit, you know that? Glad youâre finally passed me being a mass murderer and all that.â
âDonât say it like that!â You groan, shame prickling the back of your neck making you go warm. The wall is still strong in your mind, keeping you happy, keeping you from fully feeling that shame that should have made you go comatose. Instead it allowed you to kiss him with all your might, tugging at the shirt he wore. A kiss turned to desperate chaos as teeth gnashed and lips fought for dominance, saliva shared and dripping as lewd moans began to fill the air. Carnal touches. Salacious grunts. Swirling hot sex filled air controlled you two as clothes thrown discarded and forgotten, unneeded.Â
Youâd made your decision. How much of it was really your own, was left up for discussion. Youâd never know how much of this you really wanted, or if youâd fallen in love out of necessity for survival. Or if Uvogin really was who you were meant to be with. But all you knew as Uvogin forced his swollen cock passed your tight unprepped walls, youâd never want anything more than this man as you cried. You who practically passed out as he breached your aching cunt and to the hilt of your cervix, outlining your tummy and pushing to stretch you even more as he yelled out for you. This man who loved you furiously and would destroy the whole world for you if you asked. And that- wasnât that the grandest declaration of oneâs feelings you could receive?Â
Right?Â
authors note on an alternate endingâ i view it as if reader were to die than this would head towards canon where uvogin dies by kurapikaâs hand and heâs all content because he gets to see you again :))
#uvogin x reader#uvogin#hunter x hunter#hxh fanfic#Uvogin fanfic#uvogin hxh#Uvogin smut#hxh smut#phantom troupe#hhighkeyâs phantom troupe universe#Uvogin headcanons#smut#angst#hxh x reader#machi#chrollo#paku#Nobu#feitan#phinks#shalnark
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since y'all seemed to want this.... here's the live notes i took while listening to each song for the first time (bold are thoughts i had during later listens)
fortnight:Â
âi was a functioning alcohol till nobody noticed my new aestheticâ what the fuck does that even meanâŠ
love the fact she gave post the female collab treatment. donât wanna hear what he has to say.Â
theyâre voices sound actually good together?Â
some pockets of the melody are catchy
okay i donât hate thisÂ
ttpd:
her red flags are on fire in this song lol
this seems very half-cooked
also jacks weird mixing continues to plague us all
CHARLIE PUTH???? WHAT THE FUCK WHY HE HERE
tattooed golden retriever??? âŠâŠno way
my boy breaks all his favorite toys:
i blinked and itâs half over
this also is like⊠half cooked and didnât need to be released tbh
i love the way she sings the second verse tho
down and:
the production does not match the vibe
did tpain produce this
iâm⊠kinda bored lol
like i have nothing to say this also didnât need to be released tbhÂ
this grew on me a lot actually
so long londonÂ
the production is so futuristic?Â
oh im obsessed with how she sounds on this one
her talk-singing in the verses is great
honest lyrics without any clunky unnecessary metaphors! a win!!
the fast-paced verses with th slow chorus is really really cool
a favorite so far
daddy i love him
i can barely hear her? the bad mixing continuesÂ
âgrowing up precociously sometimes means not growing up at allâ oh yeah WE KNOW
is thisâŠâŠ is this about her dating matty and loving how people hate him⊠no fucking way sheâs this stupid
SHE IS BEING THIS STUPID
âitâs white noiseâ yeah yeah thatâs exactly how id describe him Â
.... anyway y'all remember when fans really believed the little mermaid theory and this song was supposed to be about how 'joe stole her voice' lmaooo
we will pretend this one doesn't exist!
fresh out the slammer
are we getting another âi didnât cheat technicallyâ song lol
what is this weird tempo changeâŠ.
okay kinda catchy
itâs sounds exactly like you are in love at the endâŠ.. jack is really out of tricks
florida
âmy friends all smell like weed or little babiesâ what the fuck is she even talking about anymoreÂ
iâm sorry but iâm laughing at the phrase âfuck me up floridaâ
again the production sounds so detached from the vocalsÂ
i honestly still have no idea how i feel about this one
guilt as sin
an real instrument?? wow crazyÂ
okay sheâs kinda cute? catchy and fun, love the melody
i love when she goes up at the end of the vocalÂ
okayâŠ. i donât mind this one sheâs catchy, a little too long and drawn out but cute
whoâs afraid of little old me?
what is this production? itâs way too soft to be as threatening as theyâre trying forÂ
why did jack push her vocals back so far when sheâs supposed to screamâŠ. thatâs ruins the whole thingâŠ. sheâs supposed to be screaming and threateningâŠ.. not quiet and far awayâŠ. hello
this song is trying very hard to be threatening but itâs not... vigilante shit 2.0
âyou wouldnât last an hour in the asylum they raised meââŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ upper middle-class pennsylvania?Â
âiâm drunk on my own tears isnât that what they all say, thatâll sue you if you step on my lawnâ okay bar?
the bridge was good but thatâs about it.
i can fix himÂ
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ not another matty song oh god
âi can handle a dangerous manââŠâŠ im too stunned to speak this is so embarrassingÂ
wow taylor really is that girl who like âwomen supporting womenâ and then dates/defends a racist bfâŠ. a walking example of white feminism
intersectional feminism found dead.... twice....
loml
okay this is really nice?Â
I WAS ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE SONG WHY DID SHE RUIN IT BY SAYING âMR STEAL YOUR GIRLâ đ
if we ignore that one line we're good this is good. im refusing to let that line ruin such a good song
i can do it with a broken heart
âbitch smileâ why are there so many cringey lyrics on this album lol
what is this song omg why do i kind of like itÂ
taylor please learn depressed isnât a synonym for sadÂ
they recycled the mastermind productionÂ
wait till taylor finds out most of the entire world is sad while they're doing their job and has to pretend they're not
smallest man who ever livedÂ
oh i think i like this?
âyou said normal girls were boringâ GIRL AND YOU DIDNT IMMEDIATELY GET UP AND LEAVE??? EWWWW??? she's not beating the pick-me allegations
'i just wanna know if rusting my sparking summer was the goal' okay love that line
i like this a lot
the alchemy
noâŠ.. no way this is real
i cannot
THE SPORTS METAPHORS WE JOKED SHED DO THAT AND SHE ACTUALLY DID IT OH NOÂ
touchdown â
teams â
benches â
winning streak â
the league â
sheâs doingâŠâŠ the worst thing ever this is so laughableÂ
the corny lyrics are on overloadÂ
âthis time itâs heroine with an eâ didnât she write folklore? i canât rememberÂ
that literally was an snl parody of a taylor song
clara bow
love how the guitar sounds⊠bet money this is an aaron trackÂ
a stevie nicks reference!! a win!!!
i like this one a lot no cringey lyrics yet
nope never mind she name-dropped herself donât like that
overall really liked it tho
the black dog
i think i like it?? this is kind of what i expected the album to be
okay for once the weird production choices kind of pay off
imgonnagetyouback
kinda catchy?Â
she loves a fancy car getting wrecked line
the pre-choruses are the best partÂ
this wouldâve been better without the jack of it all bc he loves a song that doesnt build to anything
this just comes down to personal preference: i donât like her lighter vocals with jackâs heavy production (ie most of lover lol)
the albatross
a real instrument!!! production that matches taylorâs voice and is well mixed!!! aaronâs arrived!!Â
i think itâs solid, has good writing and she sounds great. that's about it.
chloe or sam orâŠ
took me a solid minute to have any semblance of a fuck to know what was going on but okay
okay i love this one
wayyyy more emotive than like⊠most of the original album
a lot of the 2nd version (or whatever this is lol) are way more emotive, maybe because her voice isnt drenched in reverb so we can actually hear her voice emote better
how did it end
this sounds like an old school adele song?Â
i love this one tooâŠ.Â
her being upset people wanna know what happened but then also feeding it while promoting the album oopÂ
i love the story of this one it's so refreshing
so high school
THE PRODUCTION is so good ugh aaron never failsÂ
the man here is a walking red flag girl and the lyrics are ~not it~ but the production is too pretty to hate it
fuck these lyrics are so bad lol
maybe if i disassociate hard enough i can ignore the lyrics and just listen to the production and vibe
give me a karaoke version of this song and we'd be so back
i hate it here
i mentioned disassociation and she made a whole song about it!!!! this oneâs mine!!!!Â
âwithout all the racistsâ GIRL HUH
WHAT WAS THE REASON
also... girl donât act like we donât know youâre fine with that lololololol
if i had a dime for every time i was liking a song to then have it slapped away because of a bad, out-of-pocket lyricâŠâŠÂ
thank you aimee
this isnât grabbing my attentionÂ
oh the bridge is interestingÂ
itâs mehÂ
i will never be thanking the people that bullied me thanks tho
i look in peoples windowsÂ
what do you mean aaron didnât produce this??? itâs well-made and has instruments?Â
i love this one, again a really interesting and unique concept that's very refreshing to hear at this point when a lot of the songs feel repetitive
the prophecy
aaron guitar!!!!Â
sheâs nice i like herÂ
i've really grown to love how she sings this one, the melodies are cool.. however i feel like we've heard the same melody.. like on this exact album... where she upturns at the end of every line...
cassandraÂ
this seems veryâŠ. familiar⊠idk i feel like weâve covered this (i mean there are 31 songs weâve already covered everything lol)
this is such an aaron song, that's a classic 'the national' piano
i like her voice in this one tho, sounds good
peter
oh love i love this
now this? THIS feels the most like a taylor swift song
once again sheâs at her best with a simple instrument and emotive simple lyrics
the piano reminds me of champagne problems
the bolterÂ
i like this! the chorus is so cute
oh i like that ending line a lot!
sheâs cute, a little long and drawn out but cute
robin
i havenât seen anyone talk about this one
welpâŠ. i literally have no feelings toward this one but sounds pretty!Â
the manuscript
oh this is soooooooo powerfulÂ
i love this conceptÂ
her ending the album on another introspective album that sums everything up a la dear reader yep yep!!
if you actually read of this ily đ
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I am a bit curious of the after affects of, âThank you, cruel savior.â Of the one you wrote a while back. I honestly want to see the after events and how Genâs reaction to us coming up as missing/successfully escaping. Whether she knows it was one of her trusted servants or not I want to see how much she looses it. Also, the long term effects to months to years afterwards to see if she will or wonât give up after still no traces
Hello! Thank you for your ask :3! I love love getting asks like this, really makes my brain start up with ideas. Rereading the "Thank you, cruel savior" fic made me realize how vague all the details are im so sorry!!!
Masterlist
Gen Ludenhart x GN!Reader
Warning: Loss of sanity, cannibalism, stalking, themes of depression, abuse of power, torture mentions (to you and others), crazy lady activites.
Gen is an important woman, so travelling every month to meet other monarch's and their subordinates and to work alongside them was a normal thing. But she had only left for a week. A week. So why was it when she returned, she couldn't find you or that rat Reina? Why are some of your clothes missing? Most of Reina's belongings were also gone. Immediately without thought she gave out many orders to close the entire country down in the name of a danger prison escapee who had taken a poor defenseless citizen hostage. Wanted posters of Reina were plastered on every surface of the empire. And missing posters of her darling.
Over the weeks Gen slowly and slowly loses her mind. She'd lash out at anyone that had incurred her wrath that day. This crazed depraved woman had damn near caused a war after insulting a delegate of another empire. Soon this behaviour ends up with her being fired. Of course this meant nothing to Gen, she was a rich noble to begin with. But now with a new Military Chief in power, all the orders she had given out to locate you had been removed. Her brother wouldn't listen to her nonesense any longer. Gen is now alone. She doesn't even have her family on her side any more. She fired every servant. She was truly all alone isolated in her big mansion, with no spouse, and no joyful kids.
Gen's manor by now has completely become delapitated, dust and grimes everywhere, some pieces of wood falling apart, and a remorseful woman in the middle of it all. She wanted to end it. Without you she was nothing. Gen was nothing to begin with until she met you. Gen needed you. You were her life, her air, her nutrition. But after a year of hopelessness and depression, Gen realized she could just look for you herself, she had so so much money, and she was incredibly strong. So with the last bit of logic and reason, Gen sought out a trip to Dacos, Reina's home country. She was sure that woman had seduced you into coming with her to Dacos. But no worries darling, your dear loyal wife is coming to rescue you.
Gen knew Reina was a village girl from the beginning, with her attitude, mannerisms, way of speech, and looks in general. Not only that, but if Reina ever bought a new house in one of the cities in Dacos it would be much easier to trace, and unfortunately for Gen, Reina was smart enough to know that. So Gen went from village to village, showing a picture of Reina or you to any villager she meets. If Reina was smart enough she would change all of your names.
Eventually, Gen reached a tiny village named Lesannea. When she approached an older man with a picture of you and Reina and he confirmed you two lived on the house on the hill to the right of the village, a twisted sickening smile spread across her face. Of course Reina was far too overconfindent with her escape. If this devil thought she can steal away Gen's darling and get away with it well she was dead wrong. Gen will take you back and kill Reina's family be as well as Reina as slow and painful as possible. Gen will make sure you don't see any of it though, but because she will cut up Reina and cook her. So she can feed you the remains of the traitor. Even if you refuse, this woman is no longer sane, she will shove it down your throat one way or another. Gen will then wisk you away oh so romantically and pamper you for a short wile. And when she's done she will regain her honor.
But most importantly. This event changed Gen tremendously, did you leave because she hurt you too much? Don't worry darling, Gen will love and coddle you so you can feel all the love she has for you, so you can never run away again. But of course, she needs to teach you one last lesson before she does that. So you can never attempt to leave her again.
#yandere x reader#Yandere x reader#x reader#yandere#oc x reader#gn reader#yandere x darling#yandere oc x reader#yandere oc#female yandere#female yandere x reader
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The War Within - Part One
Briefly Joel x Neurodivergant Reader Then Tommy x Neurodivergant wife reader
Summary: You've only been with Joel for 6 months when the outbreak happens, flipping your entire life into a hell scape. Feeling backed into a corner and completely suffocated by life you decide to join the Fireflies with Tommy after a heartbreaking event to search for a better life and the two of you end up in Jackson
A twist of fate happens and you and Tommy Fall in love and get married when Joel and Ellie turn up in Jackson one day and you have to face him all these years later
Warnings: 18+ MDNI, Angst- Lots of it, Verbal fighting- lots of it , course language, emotional, some fluff and happiness, talks of anxiety, depression, Panic attacks, Neurodivergant reader. No use of y/n. Reader goes by the nickname Birdie. Use of typical pet name.
A/N: I hope you all love this new multi part journey I've been working on, I'm extremely proud of this story. I understand that this storyline/ themes aren't for everyone. Part Two will be out shortly.
More often then not you felt like you were outside of your body, floating above it.
Being a spectator to your own life, watching as your dissociative cocoon wrapped itself around you taking hold.
You found yourself in this position for days or weeks at a time. It was your bodyâs way of protecting itself after years of constantly being in fight or flight mode.
You looked on as you desperately tried to hold on to what little you had left, to your life with Joel. But it was like trying to hold on to a wet rope in the middle of a tsunami. Slowly losing your grip you began to drown, fighting desperately to stay above water. The more you tried to kick to the surface, the more tired you became and the more tired you became the less you fought to stay afloat.
Time dragged on, the air had a thickness to it youâd not yet felt. Everything sounded slow and muffled as you tried to make sense of why and how long you two had been fighting for.
âAre you even listening to me?â Joel pressed, getting more aggravated by the minute.
He got nothing as you blankly stared back him, eyes glazed over.
âUnbelievableâŠ. I should be looking after Sarah, not looking after youâ
Joelâs words snapped you back to reality. the fog that incased you not thick enough to protect you from the verbal blow as it struck you, deep and abrupt.
Your whole body burned, the tears started falling so quickly that you had no hope of stoping them even if you tried. The two of you often hastily said things to each other in the heat of the moment when you both reached the point of overstimulation. Things that neither of you meant. But this, this felt different. You knew the tone of Joelâs voice well, always able to understand his meaning by the tone of his voice. His tone was razor sharp, with an anger behind it that he had never used with you before.
âThis is why we canât talk things out like this, why nothing gets resolved. Because you cry every-time we have a argumentâ
âAre you fucking kidding me Joel?â You shout. Completely losing all ability to keep it in.
âIm sorry I care, that Iâm emotional. Trust me I would much rather feel nothing 24/7 than to feel everything as if itâs a electrical currant passing through me, but I canât. No matter how fucking hard I try Iâm always going up be sensitive and emotional.â
âThe state of the world doesnât exactly lend its self to being emotional, one wrong move when your heads not focused could cost someone there life. You- you get stuck in these episodes and itâs like your not in your body anymore, I canât keep keepin an eye on us both. Youâre gonna get us killed one of these days.â
It hurts like hell, but itâs the truth and deep down you know it. But it doesnât make you any less hurt and angry because itâs the truth either.
âIâm sorry Joel. Iâm sorry that I should of died instead of Sarah, Iâm sorry that no matter what I do Iâll never be enough for you.â
Your admission stuns Joel, your words cutting him like a straight blade razor. Youâd never said anything like that about yourself, atleast not out loud you hadnât.
âI canât fucking talk to you when weâre like this. Iâm going outâ Joel exclaims while grabbing his coat.
âWait, itâs almost curfew, where are you going?â You ask, everything but concern draining from your body.
âI donât know? Iâm just fucking going out, donât wait up for meâ Joel says as he slams the door
âI love youâ you shout after him, but if falls on deaf ears.
You cried in silence, thinking about what had lead you to this point. You and Joel never had the chance to truly be happy. Your relationship was so new when the outbreak happened that it was doomed from the start. You two never had the chance to fully open up to each other
It wasnât all his fault either, Joel was hardened by the cruel bitch that was the universe when it took the one thing he loved more than life itself. You also knew you werenât easy to deal with, never getting the opportunity to talk to Joel about your anxiety and depression that stemmed from it. About how to spot if you were getting overstimulated and anxious and how to help talk you down from it. Or about how much you relied on a schedule and a routine to navigate life and how much progress youâd made with it all in therapy. Instead you were both thrust into a situation you didnât have the tools to deal with and thus your relationship suffered at the hands of it.
The further past curfew it got the more you worried about Joel. It terrified you to think about the situations that would unfold if he was caught by Fedra. Dressing in all dark clothing you decided to go out searching for Joel.
Lurking in the shadows for hours you search for Joel, checking every inch of the qz and the seedy areas people hangout after curfew with no luck. The sun will start coming up soon, so you head back to the apartment hoping Joel managed to stumble back there unscathed.
You hear some commotion inside as you reach your apartment door. Slowly opening the door you feel like the wind got knocked out of you when you see Joel burred deep inside Tess, telling her how much he loved her. You stumble backwards as you try to catch your breath, refusing to believe youâre actually seeing this. But the scene before you never changes and your forced to realize this is unfolding in front of your eyes. Silently scrambling you grab your emergency go bag by the door and shut it behind you.
Your mind is racing as you slid down the wall and slump over. Gasping for breath you try desperately to comprehend what you saw, trying think quickly about what to do.
ââââââââââââââââââââââ
Tommy springs awake at the sound of frantic knocking on the door. Creeping up slowly to the door, pistol in his hand.
âWho is it?â
âI-itâs meâŠitâs Birdieâ your voice meek and distraught, tone barely above a whisper.
Tommy quickly unlocks the door to find you on the other side, eyes bloodshot and and desperate. Your body langue is defeated as Tommy notices your backpack.
âC-can I come in?â You ask, a hoarseness to your voice. Your eyes trained on the ground.
âBirdie, whatâs wrong? Everything alright?â His face etched with concern as he looks you over.
â Is- is there any way to join the fireflies quickly. To- to be able to leave the QZ with you guys tonight?â
âYou get Joel to join the fireflies?â
âNo n-not Joel, for me..just meâ you shake your head. Your voice shakes as you speak. Your head hung low, eyes glued to your feet.
âLook at me Birdieâ Tommy says gingerly, cupping your chin with his thumb and index finger, gently lifting your head to meet his gaze.
âDid he hurt you? He didnât hit you did he?â He asked in a firm but calm tone while turning your face side to side to check for visible marks.
Tommy didnât believe Joel was capable of laying a hand on you like that but he needed to make sure. His brother had become more angry and violet over the years. Drinking more and pushing home made drugs to some of the fedra guards and he was starting not to recognize the man Joel was becoming.
You shook your head.
âHurt me yes, hit me no. Weâve been hurting each other for to long and I just canât handle it anymore. I- I canât live like this anymore and the two if you are the only people I trust.â
âDoes he know your leavinâ?â
âIf they will let me go Iâll go in slip a note I wrote under the door. If not i donât know what Iâll doâ
âLetâs go talk to them. Iâm not sure whatâs goinâ on between the two of you but Iâm not leavin you here like this, but Iâm also not going to press you about whatâs goinâ on if you donât want to talk about itâ
â Iâll talk about it eventually Tommy I just canât talk about it right now much less think about it, Iâm just in to much painâ
ââââââââââââââââââââ
Itâs nearly dusk when Joel wakes up, rolling over to wrap his arm around you.
âI donât want to fight like that anymore baby girlâ Joel says as he nuzzles into your neck, but his eyes snap open the moment he realizes somethings off, that you scent is different. Thatâs when realizes the grave mistake he made when he sees itâs Tess in your bed and not you.
âWhat the fuck is going onâ Joel shouts while pushing himself out of bed.
âWhat the fuck are you doing here? Whereâs Birdie?â
âYou didnât seem to be complaining a couple hours ago that she wasnât hereâ
Itâs in this moment as Joel feels the color drain from his face that heâs made a detrimental mistake. That he hadnât been with you at all last night, that it wasnât you when heâd finally said I love you.
Joel immediately starts putting his boots on to go looking for you. His motions panicked and scrambled.
âYou heard me, I said get the fuck out and donât come backâ
As Joel slams the door he hears paper crinkle under his boot, he steps back to see a folded piece of paper with his name on it just inside the door. He unfolds it yo find a note from you.
Dear Joel,
Iâm so sorry. Iâm so sorry for the pain and frustration Iâve caused you over the years. The way weâve been living isnât healthy for either of us and just canât stomach it any longer. You donât deserve to be worried about both of us constantly because I canât handle life in the dystopian universe well. You said if anything were to ever happen to go to Tommy that he take care of me so rest easy knowing that right up until the end I listened to you. Iâve joined the fire flies with him and by the time you see this we will have left the QZ in search of a better living situation. Tommy will message you here and there on the radio. You and Sarah will always have a place on my heart.
Love,
Birdie
Anger and failure blend together in a unrelenting weight on Joelâs chest as he flips the kitchen table over, papers flying everywhere, glass breaking.
âââââââââââââââââââââ-
About 10 years later
Tommy is up on the scaffolding when he hears the unmistakable tone of his brothers voice
âTooommmyyyyâ
Tommy runs down the stairs as Joelâs jumps from the horse heâs on and the share in a tight embrace.
âThe fuck you doin here?â
âI came to save you guysâ
Tommy and Maria take Joel and Ellie into the mess hall for a meal. As Tommyâs taking his coat and gloves off he slips his ring into his pocket, not ready to tell Joel that the two of you are in love, that youâd gotten married. Not wanting to have the conversation in front of everyone. Emotions swirl around Tommyâs head, on one hand heâs happy to see his brother on the other hand fear and resentment in not knowing what kind of person his brother is these days.
âI trust the two of you would like some time alone, Iâll take Ellie up to the house to shower and set her up with clothes and then take her to the town movie nightâ Maria says
âItâs ok Ellie you can go with her, itâll be alrightâ
â Tommy a word in private before you do so?â
âIs Birdie going to be alright?â
âI think sheâs going to be a bit shaken, she has therapy tonight and I know sheâll be home right now unwinding so she wonât just bump into him. Imma make sure she knows tonight that heâs here.â
âââââââââââââââââââââ
âIt doesnât look like youâve aged muchâ Joel says taking a seat at the bar of the tipsy bison, nervously smoothing his hand over it.
âYou on the other handâ Tommy offers.
âIs she here? Is Birdie alive?â Joel asks nervously
âYes sheâs here in Jacksonâ
âWhere is she? I want to see herâ Joel presses
âNow slow down Joel, ya canât just waltz in here and demand to see herâ
â The fuck I canât! You ainât her keeper. I have the right to see herâ
âIâm not her keeper nor am I trying to be, all Iâm trying to say is sheâs made a lot of progress since weâve been here. Her health and well being has improved 10 fold thanks to therapy.â
âTherapy?â
âOne of our residents here used to be a therapist before the outbreak so we built her a place to practice out of and birdie goes every week like she did before the outbreakâ
âShe went to therapy before? I didnât know thatâ
âAnd I suppose you never asked eitherâ
Tommyâs comment gets under Joelâs skin. Bringing up resentment that had be just below the surface.
âSo whatâs this have to do with you tellinâ me I canât see Birdie?â
Tommy letâs out a frustrated huff at Joelâs pressing. He doesnât want to argue with his brother, they havnt seen each other in so long the last thing he wants to do is get into a fight. But Tommyâs one and only goal is protecting you and he will be as harsh as he has to be to get Joel to understand, even if he doesnât like the answers.
âBecause Joel you just arrived with a mystery kid, she has no idea your even here. You just turning up at her door with no notice would have her shaken, set back her mental health. She deserves to atleast know your here. To make her own decision on wether or not she wants to see youâ
âSo what are you really doing out here Joel? Whatâs with the kid?â
âShe needs to go to this firefly base out here so Marlene hired me to bring her out here. And I took the job so I could get out here and save you guys.â
âWhy did you think we needed saving?â
âI donât know Tommy maybe because the two of you guys stopped fucking messaging me back. Because Marlene said you werenât with the fireflies anymore. It must be because your girl keeps you on a short leash.â
âMaria? It is because of a rule we put In place here but she ainât my girl. We started having some rough people coming through because they found out about us from radio activity so we had to be more careful and only use it for emergencyâs.â
â Let me show you where you guys will be staying so you can rest, clean up and go to the town movie night if youâd like.â
âââââââââââââââââââââ
Tommy canât help but smile about the way you look up from your book when he walks through the door, food from the mess hall in his hands.
âHey babyâ you coo, the smile on your face lighting up the room when you see him.
âHey sweet girl, sorry Iâm home a lil late. But I have your favorite, it was Shepards pie night at the mess hall.â
You get up to take the food containers from him, placing them on the counter as he wraps his arms around you.
âHow did therapy go to today babe?â Tommy asks as he kisses your temple.
âIt went good, just exhausted by it tonightâ
After dinner your curled up on the couch with your head in his lap asking him about his day.
âBaby I need to tell you somethingâ Tommy breaths out his voice hardly above a whisper.
âOk⊠is everything ok?â You ask starring up at him.
âIâm afraid itâs probably going up upset youâ Tommy says rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
âWhat is it Tommy?â You ask as you sit up. Mind racing with what it could be.
âJoelâs here, in Jacksonâ
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#fanfic#tommy miller#gabriel luna#the last of us#tommy miller x reader#pedro pascal#neurodivergent#joel miller#tommy tlou#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#tommy miller x f!reader
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part 4 of flames?? im HOOKED u dont get it we're actual masterminds
I'm sorry it took so long for me to put this out. I'll get to the 5th part this weekend:)
Flames - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 4
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Summary: You're trying to give Ethan a chance with your daughter, but Chad isn't so trusting.
Contains: Angst, a smidge of fluff, Ethan trying to learn how to be a dad, mentions of mental health.
A/N: Y'all...I'm convinced that some of you can read my mind because I'll think about something I want to write(esp. when it comes to spicy stuff), and then one of the sweet anon's on here will request it. I stg some of the things I've gotten requests for have made me fucking BLUSH.
After Ethan went to bed, you struggled to fall asleep. You still felt a little uneasy about him being in the next room over, and not having a true understanding of what heâd actually be capable of. Finally, the exhaustion kicked in and you drifted off. You woke up a few different times during the night when she started to cry, and Ethan ran in the room ever single time, desperate to help.
Once the sun started to peak through the gap in the curtain, you stirred awake and looked over to see River awake in the bassinet.
âHey, sweet girl,â you said, scooping her up in your arms. She started to coo, the soft sounds making you smile.
You walked out of your room to the next room over, quietly pushing the door open as you saw Ethan in a deep sleep. You noticed his backpack on the ground in the middle of the floor, and started to think about how he needed laundry done. You reached down to grab it, before quietly sneaking back out of the room.
You went to the nursey to change River, before heading downstairs to play with her for a little bit. Once she fell asleep again, you grabbed his bag again, and went to the laundry room.
You started to pull stuff out of his bag, a few bottles of medication falling to the floor.
âShit,â you whispered to yourself, reaching down to grab them. You started to look at the medication names and pulled out your phone to google them. One was for anxiety, one was for depression, and one was a really strong anti-psychotic med. It mightâve been wrong to be that nosey, but you needed a better understanding of his mental health.
You sat them down on the counter in the room before starting the laundry. He soon walked downstairs, desperate to find you.
âHey,â you smiled, your face dropping once you noticed his nervous expression. âWhatâs wrong?â
âI need my meds,â he panicked, looking around for his bag.
âTheyâre in here,â you said, gesturing to the laundry room. He saw them all lined up, feeling a little shame as he reached for them.
âThanksâŠif I donât take them when Iâm supposed to, I donât act like myself,â he said, calming a little as he opened the bottles and got a pill from each one.
âDo you need water?â you asked as he shook his head, dry swallowing all three pills at once. âIs there anything I can get for you?â
âIâm okay. Youâve already done so much for me,â he said, as you walked out, him following closely behind you.
You went to the living room, the two of you making small talk when your mom walked through.
âIâm going to work. Iâll be home late tonight, but I sent you some money for pizza or whatever you and your friends want to order tonight,â she said, before looking down to smile at her sleeping granddaughter. âSheâs just so precious.â
You sleepily smiled at her, as she grabbed her purse to walk out the front door.
âWhen should they be here?â Ethan asked, referring to your friends.
âActually,â you said, pulling out your phone to check the time, âAny minute now.â
He started to get really anxious. He was hoping heâd have a little more time for his meds to kick in before he had to be face to face with more of the people he hurt, especially Chad. He wasnât sure what to expect, but he was about to find out, as he heard light tapping on the front door.
âItâll be okay,â you tried to assure him, as you got up to walk towards the door.
âHey! Whereâs that precious little angel?â Chad excitedly asked, turning the corner towards the living room. He stopped in his tracks the second he saw Ethan. The rage that built inside of him for months started to come to the surface as Tara walked in behind him, her eyes going wide. âWhat the fuck is he doing here?â Chad yelled, walking over to Ethan. He grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him up, so he was face to face with him.
You bolted around the corner, trying to step between the two boys as Chad stared Ethan down.
âSleeping baby, right there,â you said, gesturing towards River as Chad face softened a little. âI know youâre pissed, but you need to calm down.â
âYeah, babe. Letâs go outside for a minute,â Tara said, as he let go of Ethanâs shirt.
He listened to Tara, as they started to leave the room. He turned to look at Ethan one more time before he softly spoke. âIf you hurt either of them, Iâll fucking kill you.â
Ethan didnât say anything, he just stood there. He had so many different emotions on his face as he tried to pull it together, once again running through all the steps his psychiatrist drilled into his head before he was released from the hospital.
âYou okay?â you asked, once Tara and Chad went outside.
He shook his head as he started to cry. You sat down on the couch and grabbed his hand, pulling him down to sit with you. Your arms wrapped around him as he sobbed into your chest.
âIâm so sorry, for everything,â he cried, âI think I should probably go.â
You pulled away to look at him, âYou knew how this could goâŠDonât try to run away from us the second youâre making progress.â
He wiped his tears as he looked up at you, âIâm making progress?â
âYes, Ethan. Itâs going to take a lot more work, but youâre already doing such a good job with her. Donât let anyone else make you feel like you arenât supposed to be here with meâŠor be here with her.â
You felt yourself start to tear up as you heard Chad and Tara walk back inside. Ethan intently watched Chad, not knowing what to expect as he sat beside him on the couch.
âWhy are you here?â Chad questioned; his voice significantly calmer than before. âYou fucked your life up, so you come here to get her to put the pieces back together?â
âChad, stop,â you warned, as Tara chimed in.
âJust tell him what you need to say, Chad. Donât be an asshole. He is Riverâs dad,â she said, looking over to the sleeping baby.
Chad sighed, looking at Ethan, âI donât fucking trust you, and I donât like that youâre here. You fucking hurt me, dude. I defended you time and time again whenever you were accused of anything. You know how awful I felt when I found out you were a part of the reason we were fucking terrorized and almost killed?â
The guilt was all over Ethanâs face as he tried to think of the right things to say to apologize, but there werenât any. He knew he fucked up, and he knew that it was going to take a lot for the people he cared about to even begin to trust him.
âIâm sorry, for everything,â Ethan finally said, as everyoneâs eyes were on him. âI tried to stop it, I really did.â
âWe know you did,â Tara said, as River started to wake up.
Chad got up and walked over to the bassinet to grab her. She stopped crying the second she was in his arms. Ethan watched the interaction, feeling sick to his stomach. You reached down to grab Ethanâs hand, attempting to comfort him before he had a chance to show the emotion that was building.
âWe missed you,â Chad whispered to the baby, as he sat down beside Tara.
You let them bond with her as you sat with Ethan. âYouâre still her dad,â you reminded him, as he nodded.
âSo, whatâs the deal with you two?â Chad asked, noticing Ethanâs hand in yours.
âOh, umâŠright now heâs justâŠtrying to make things right,â you said, as his thumb rubbed against your hand. âHe wants to be in her life, and I want to give him that opportunity.â
âDo you really think thatâs a good idea? He doesnât know the first thing about her,â Chad said, handing the baby to Tara.
âIâm trying to learn,â Ethan sighed, âI get it that you hate me. You have a good reason to, but Iâm doing a lot better than I was.â
âWhatever you say,â Chad sighed, âSheâs more forgiving than I am.â
Ethan nodded as you stood up. âI need to go put the laundry in the dryer. Please donât try to kill him,â you said, walking away.
âDonât we have to worry about him trying to kill us?â Chad joked, but you turned around, not thinking the joke was very funny.
âHeâs working through things, stop intentionally trying to trigger him,â you said, as Chadâs eyes connected with yours.
âSorry, dude,â he said, as Ethan mumbled âThanks.â
After Chad and Tara started to get used to Ethan being around, you excused yourself to go shower. You wanted to take Ethan shopping to get anything he needed, and you had to look at least somewhat presentable before you could do that. You even put on a little bit of makeup, hoping to hide the dark circles under your eyes.
You grabbed Ethanâs laundry out of the dryer and took it upstairs. It didnât take long to fold it because he really didnât have much. When you went back down the stairs, you got a bottle ready for River, knowing sheâd be hungry soon.
Like clockwork, she started to cry as soon as it came out of the warmer.
âHey, can I borrow my kid?â you asked Chad, as he gently passed her over to you. âThanks,â you smiled, sitting beside Ethan. âYou want to feed her?â you asked, as Ethan nodded.
Chad and Tara nervously watched him, but soon started to relax when they realized how gentle he was being with her. Heâd gotten some practice during the feeding sessions in the middle of the night, but he was still terrified when it came to the burping part. He was scared heâd hurt her fragile little body, so he passed her off to you once she was done eating.
âOh, I almost forgot,â Ethan said, going to the cart that extra baby blankets and clothes, and grabbed a burp cloth.
âThanks,â you smiled, as he handed it to you. You adjusted her so she was laying on your shoulder, before patting her back. âDo you think you guys could babysit for a little bit?â you asked Chad and Tara.
âOf course,â Tara smiled, âWhere are you going?â
âEthan and I are going out for a little bit to get some things,â you said, as Ethan looked at you, unaware of the plan. âWe talked about this last night,â you sighed, as he started to remember the conversation from the night before.
âYeah, uh, I guess I should go change,â he said, getting up and heading up the stairs.
Once he was out of earshot, Tara started to whisper, âDo you feel safe going somewhere with him by yourself?â
âIâve been here with him by myself,â you shrugged, as Chad started to shake his head.
âI know you want to give him a chance but is this really whatâs best for you and River?â he asked, genuinely concerned for you and your daughterâs wellbeing. âWould you feel comfortable with him watching her by himself? He messed his whole future up.â
âItâll be a long time before I could trust him alone with her. Fuck, I donât even fully trust him being here,â you sighed, âBut heâs trying to prove himself. Heâs been through a lot.â
âYou have, too, though,â Tara said, âYou went through a pregnancy without him. You had the baby without him.â
âHe didnât know,â you started to defend him, as Chad got irritated.
âHow was he supposed to know? He was busy trying to kill people,â he said, âI donât want you to take this the wrong way, because weâve been so happy to helpâŠbut itâs almost like a slap in the face to see you giving him a chance after weâve been here for you through it all.â
âPlease donât look at it like that,â you said, your eyes starting to water, âI appreciate everything you guys have done. I appreciate everything that youâll still do to help me out. If he fucks up, I already told him he doesnât have anymore chances. Just try to be there for me while I figure this out.â
Chad and Tara both nodded, before you noticed that River was sound asleep laying against you. You swaddled her before putting her in the bassinet, and started to wonder what was taking Ethan so long.
The truth is, he never fully made it up the stairs once he heard everyone start to talk about him. He was silently sobbing as he stood on one of the stairs, not knowing what the best move would be. He could just grab his stuff and jump out the window, or he could keep trying to prove himself.
When he thought back to the conversation after he fully expected Chad to punch him, when you told him that he was making progress, he started to smile through his tears. His meds usually made him feel numb, but being back in your life was the first time heâd started to feel emotions again, and he was determined to prove to you that he was going to be an amazing dad.
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THE ORACLE: ACT 1, SCENE 1
ă i want to touch. i want to be touched. i want to hurt. i want to be hurt. and if you feel the same way, youâre as bad as me ă
CONTENT WARNING: swearing, suicide, suggestive themes, cults, implied self harm, self destructive behaviour, depression, mental health, disorders, sexual assault, blood, canon violence, implied misogyny, reader gets mistaken as a women from men and they get mistaken as a feminine man to women, reader goes by they/them, torture, cult activities, murder, masochism, sadism, manipulation, slow burn, obsessive themes, unhealthy love, religious trauma, etc.
AUTHORS NOTE: first chapter lets gooo!!! :333 my writing might suck but please bare with me itâll get better. did you guys pick up that reader isnât exactly healthy and is completely deranged when it comes to their reverse cursed technique. also slow updates i forgot to say this but im not a really motivated writer when it comes to fanfics and long chapters, im okay with oneshots that have 3 parts but anything that goes 4 and beyond drains me so im sorry if chapters are slow :( just please be patient
the way youâve been dotted and spoiled was too much that you thought you would grow up to be spoiled brat (you didnât but it would be likely). always littered in white and always cleanâ they never liked dirt on your skinâ so, you were always spotless.
spotless until the sacrifices.
you watched on your throne that was made but thorns, how so many people were restrained and sacrificed for you. their yells and pleads hunted your memories, the cheers and claps from your worshippers made vomit edge your throat but you held it back. they didnât like it when you were dirty.
if you couldâve healed them, you would, but they were sacrifices for you, you. everything they did was for you, because you deity, a child above human societyâwhen you didnât mean that muchâ all because of your technique.
it could only help people if they were on the verge of death. simple wounds like a cut wouldnât be enough to heal it, so if you restrained them and done enough damage to make them on the verge of death, you could help them and they would be okay.
physically, not mentally.
thatâs also a thing you couldnât heal. someoneâs mentally stability. couldnât heal what they saw, couldnât heal the mental scar that had cut open their heart and burned itself there.
you werenât capable of itâyou wish you didâ then maybe you could heal all the people that had come up to you and asked for you to heal the things theyâve seen, that had went ahead and snapped their minds.
the faces and curses that were shown to you once you had told them you couldnât help. there was one time where a man had went ahead and sliced your cheek, he was apprehended and sacrificed.
but still.. you couldnât wipe that moment away. it was a sign that you were only ever good at healing people physically. that in the end, you were actually useless if you couldnât help them, mentally and emotionally at least.
the worshippers expressed their concern to you, watching you sit on your knees while holding onto your bloody cheekâthey donât like it when you were dirtyâ they took you to a bathroom. so white and bright.
a white bathtub, which was being filled with warm water, in the middle of the bathroom, herbal essentials being poured into the bathtub as they stripped you from your white clothing and helped you into the bathtub.
washing the impurities from your skin and cleaning the cut on your cheek. staring at the water of your reflection, something that shows you youâre humanâanything, please just something that says youâre heart is beating and youâre real.
they had hummed a tune they always hummed when being in your holy presence, it almost seemed like they blushing while touching your skin. were always so smooth? they thought, you were some deity sent from above.
you doubted it.
some simple child with a reverse cursed technique wasnât special nor were they sent from heaven. you born into a clan that had not visited you once and had given you to an insane clan that worshipped the child who inherited this technique.
but you werenât a child anymore.
and here you sit. watching your worshippers laugh maniacally and kill themselves or killing eachotherâthey donât like it when youâre dirtyâ so why? why is their blood imprinted on your hands?
did they want you to be impure? did they drag you out for so long that they went and burned these sins on you? you were supposed to be a saint, an angel, a deity.
but look.. youâre followers are dying for you and you couldnât save them.
youâre no saint, no angel, no deity. you were a sinner, a devil. their blood was shedded for you because you were so special to them, so divine. you couldnât help but laugh.
laugh to save yourself from sanity as you clenched onto the now stained white clothes. tears were flowing down your cheeks where it started to grow sore from all the painful laughing.
you were free. you were finally free from an endless cycle, an endless addiction that they had said you were. it was a mass slaughter of eachother.
until it went quiet from you. all their bodies were surrounded you, some would assume you killed them, you wouldnât blame them. it was your fault. it was because you were so divine that they went ahead and sacrificed themselves for you.
your eyes widened when you felt a hand be placed on your shoulderâ no, this was moving to fastâ just a few seconds ago, your worshippers had killed themselves for the sake of you and now, a impure hand (though itâs ironic) laid their hand on you.
âdonât worry my child.â did you know her? why was she so warm? so motherly? why were you so drawn to her that you had crawled into her arms where you shredded no tears, you already wasted them.
thoughts and words swarmed your head, it almost seemed like youâre going insane. it reminded you off all the people who asked you to heal mental scars, you were turning into them. now you knew why that memory had craved itself in your head.
there was butterfly and spider that had managed to crawl inside the house of divinity, both had positioned themselves beside eachother, waiting for one another to attack. until heels went ahead and stomped on the butterfly, carrying a 13 year old in her arms.
could you ever guess the significance of your life? no, you couldnât. you didnât value your life nor did you value the time that was wasted on you. if life and death was given to you, you wouldâve chosen death.
after all, you were responsible of so many peopleâs death and sanity. their blood was still stained on your hands that couldnât be washed away by the water in the bathtub you submerged into. there was blood all over your body that only you could see through the water.
you couldnât take it.
sinking your face into the water was the only thing that made the blood wash away from your view. drowning yourself in blood and guilt was relieving and delicious. did you enjoy the sight of their blood?
it made you grin with happiness. you were insane. sharp ends were dragged through your delicate (which was cut multiple times) skin, blood dripping into the bathtub as it turned the water into a wine colour.
your eyes saw black dotsâyou were dyingâ until the cuts were healed once again and you popped your head out the water, staring at the now bloody bathtub with empty eyes.
âhavenât i told you? stop staining the bath with red.â a women sat beside the bathtub, holding a towel and waiting for you to stand upâyou looked good in redâ she held a soft smile that made you swoon.
turning your attention from the large window beside the bathtub to the women, you sighed softly and threw your head back against the bathtub, staring up at the ceiling.
how long has it been since the incident? 2 yearsâ no, it was 3. you were 16 now and with your family. every since the women beside you had found and taken you back to your clan, you were taught more about your clans curse techniques.
they had two techniques you had inherited: stringing art cursed technique and the technique that had cursed your entire cult.
âbut itâs beautiful.â you had whispered so softly that people mightâve not heard it but she did. she always did. especially now, when she cleans and wipes the impurities off from your skin.
hearing her light and breathy chuckle made you blush from how sweet she wasâ and then she proposed a question she always had asked you; âwould you like to die by a knife?â and youâd always respond, âi wouldnât want to die by something so boringâso trivialâ like a knife.â
and she would always hold a knife against your throat before drawing it away with no intentions of actually harming you. you had always held admiration towards her, how she can be so cunning, you wished to be like her.
you changed into a new pair of clothing, a black turtle neck, a greyish black blazer over it (that had reached the back of your thighs), and shorts with black tights. a necklace with a ring on it was around your neck, you had almost forgotten who had given that ring to you if it werenât for the letter that was framed.
my one regret was not being able to marry you.
how childish but yet how sweet. remembering the time you had gotten that letter was the moment that made you cry for a second time but that was year ago⊠and you hadnât moved on yet.
maybe one day though. one dayâ âthinking about him?â her voice had interrupted your thoughts about him, turning your head towards her while she stood at the foot of your door, waiting for you to start walking out.
you closed your eyes with a sigh and walked to her side, âheâs too precious to not think about.â hearing you speak so highly about him made her wonder what would happen if she died. would you speak highly about her?
no. you wouldnât.
not after what she did.
and she knew that aswell. you wouldnât have ever forgotten about that, you could forgive but you didnât dare to forget. rather would take it to the grave then forgetâ
âoh, look at you, my dear web!â another women had approached you, taken your hands and pulling you close to her. your mother, yuka etĆ, now you knew where you got your looks from, and your father, arata etĆ, was the man who you had taken your personality from.
humming softly, one of your hands fingers slid in between hers as you held it softly, âmorning.â her other hand went and caressed your cheekânever called you by your actual nameâ âmy lovely and dear web.â her tone was implying something you didnât want to be hooked into.
she smiled, a haunting look in her eyes that was covered sweetness, âtheyâve requested you to come to tokyo metropolitan jujutsu technical school.â oh. she had stated with a slight laugh seeing your eyebrow twitch in irritation.
you wished you could decline, you really did, why couldnât the women standing behind whoâs laughing take the job? a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. sighing, you pulled your hands away from her grasp and shoved them into your pockets.
some heavy god has put more pain on you then any other human being.
what becomes of the shepherd when the sheep are cannibals?
couldnât escape this one now, âyeah, iâll go.â your tone was evident of clear irritation as your mother cheered and clapped her hands, your father approaching you and patting you on your headâwhat a sinful touch.
âsatoru gojo, huh?â you dangled a photo of the boy above your head, a lollipop being savoured by your tongue as you smirked and threw a leg over the other, leaning forward with a cheek in the palm of your hand.
the women in the driverâs seat had chuckled at your fascination towards the boy. no, it wasnât fascination, it was more of a short interest, âwhereâd your sudden fascination for him come from?â she had questioned, not sparing you a glance.
she didnât want to see the annoyed look on your face when she had said that, knowing it wasnât a fascination or admiration, âdonât jump to conclusions.â go jump of a cliff instead was cut through your throat, keeping your mouth shut.
though, she already knew what you wanted to say. you had always wanted to say something snarky but bit your tongue back until the blood trickled down the corner of your mouth.
you sighed, rolling the window down and throwing the photo of him away, watching it fly through the air then disappearing from your view. âwhatâs so fascinating about this boy?â you queried, glancing at the women and tilting your head when she hadnât responded.
all you heard was silence from her, did you she really not want to say anything about this boy? you knew gojo satoru was important and you had done your research but whatâs so fascinating about him?
pouting, you crossed your arms and leaned backâuntil her mouth opened which got your attentionâ âyouâll find out.â what a boring answer but itâs better then nothing. you groaned and once again, leaned back into the seat.
you craved knowledge, more then anything actually, you were probably more gifted with knowledge then anyone else in your family. always anticipating someone elseâs moves and predicting them aswell, your father had said you were truly terrifying.
knowing the gojo clan and having them technically burned into your head since your parents were teaching you about the most powerful clans out there when you came back, satoru gojo hasnât been told to you.
a smile appeared on your face while biting your pinkies nail, satoru was cute, just not in a way where youâd expect. more like, you wanted to hold him down, cut him up and study him.
but the corpse still remains.
#kaz. đ«#ăthe oracleă g. satoru#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu gojo#gojo satoru x gender neutral reader#gojo satoru x female reader#gojo satoru x male reader#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#jjk gojo#jjk#jjk x reader#geto suguru#shoko ieiri#megumi fushiguro#itadori yuuji#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento
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sea view
five
you were very irritated. you couldnât believe that she has the audacity to comment on your sons post. after harry blocked kendall, along with her family, youâd blocked her from your socials as well. you just never let corbin know. in fact you and harry never told corbin who heâd had affairs with. it wasnât like you kept the affair a secret.
corbin was old enough to know his dad wasnât faithful in the past. part of him resented harry for it for a long time. he couldnât believe his father would hurt him mother like that.
over time though, corbin forgave his dad. he made a mistake and got his shit together. harry made it up to them every single day, heâs still doing everything in his power to prove heâll never make that mistake ever again.
you were currently on the phone with harry, crying. you were so sick of harryâs past trying to bite you in the ass when youâre trying to move on with your life.
âi know baby. itâs not much we can do though. i mean, we can get corbin to make his account private.â harry sighs.
âi want him to live life like a normal teenager, harry! he shouldnât have to censor himself because one of your ex bitches are harassing us!â
âhoneyââ
âno, i know. im sorry. itâs not your fault.â
harry knew that wasnât true. if heâd been a faithful husband to begin with, none of this would be happening. you wouldnât be crying alone in your bedroom.
âit is though, baby. i fucked up! thatâs gonna haunt me until the day that i die. iâfuck! if you want, iâll talk to kendall,â
âabsolutely not! i donât want her anywhere near you or the kids. justâset up the meeting and iâll show up. im gonna handle this once and for all.â you state angrily.
âbaby, thatâs not a good idea. listen, ill unblock her, text her myself, let her know stop fucking with my family, okay? no need to meet up with her or anything.â
you sigh.
âfine! but harry, i swear to god if sheââ
âi know, honey. now, is my girl calmed down a little?â
âstop! you know i hate when you talk to me all sweet and cute after ive just been pissed off.â
âmhm, i know you like it thats for sure. how are the kids?â
âcorbin and the girl he was dating broke up. heâs been a bit depressed.â you pout at the thought of your oldest experiencing his first heartbreak.
âis it bad that im kinda happy?â
âharry!â
âwhat?! im not happy heâs sad. im just relieved heâs not dating anymore. he has his whole life to date, angel. he should just be a kid for right now.â
âi think next year heâs gonna try out for soccer!â
âyou mean football, baby.â
you playfully roll your eyes. âwhatever you wanna call it, babe. im just worried he wonât do as good as he wants. he really wants to impress you.â
âheâs half english, love. itâs in his blood to be an amazing football player.
âpromise you wonât make it a huge deal, harry? if he doesnât get in heâll think youâre disappointed in him if you show any sort of excitement.â
âi swear, baby. howâs my princess doing?â
âpayton sorta got in trouble in art school for saying a not so nice word today.â
âno?! not my baby girl! she wouldnât.â
âmhm, she did! apparently she asked her teacher what a dirty little slut meant.â
âwhat?! where did she,â
âwhere do you think, harry! when the teacher called she told me she heard it from our room one night. i was totally embarrassed.â
harry laughs loudly. he couldnât believe his little girl over heard the two of you in the middle of sex. obviously a bit traumatic but, hilarious. he could only imagine what you looked like as the teacher tells you what happened.
âharry, itâs not funny! our seven year old daughter heard us having sex.â
âitâs your fault!â
âmy fault?!â
âyes! i recall you being a brat. had to put you back in your place, baby.â
at this point the conversation shifted. you squeezed your thighs together, trying to create some type of friction.
âyou canât say shit like that when youâre gone. itâs not fair!â
âyou know i love teasing you, baby. but i miss you too, love. you have no idea how many times ive got a hard on, on stage. itâs not easy hiding it either. with these outfits lloyd has me wearing, i canât move around too much.â
âwhat song turns you on that much when you sing it?â
âbaby, itâs not even the music. the energy i put out, i give the crowd a show. sometimes you just pop in my head and im gone! fuck, i miss the taste of you.â
you whine. âcanât wait until youâre home. then this problem will go away. i can finally get fucked properly. this vibrator isnât doing me right, harry! itâs not big or thick enough!â
âneed my cock that much, huh?â
âmhm.â
âpromise you, baby. when i get home, im gonna fuck you like you need, yeah? gonna make up for all the time we lost, love.â
âpromise?â
âone thousand percent.â
you smile at the thought. your youngest son interrupted you right after. you sigh before letting harry know youâll call him later. you end the call before getting up and going to haydenâs room.
âhi, baby! whatâs wrong?â
hayden sniffles as he lifts his arms out. you giggle before picking your son up. âyou just want cuddles from, mommy, yeah? im here baby. i love you so much.â you begin to kiss his cheek as he giggles. âyou love mamas kisses donât you, baby!â
you kiss his cheek again as he attempts to clap his hands. âgod, youâre the cutest six months old in the entire world! arenât you, baby?!â
you set up a few toys on the floor and set him down so the two of you could play. you couldnât wait for your other kids got home from the park and your husband came home from tour in a few more weeks.
#jqhotchner#jqhotchner masterlist#harry styles x black!reader#harry styles x you#harry styles series#harry styles x reader#harry styles fake ig#harry styles x fem!reader#dad!harry styles x reader#sea view jqhotchner
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Whats your favourite design quirk for each of cbench? I always love hearing how these things came to be !!
allow me to pull up some of my art for you and i will ramble- oh my god it has been literally so long since ive done colored artwork i am so sorry everyone wow the depression is visible i see. ANYWAYS.
so its funny trying to talk about designs when so much of how i draw them is just "this is ctommy but in a different outfit" so ill go into stuff that is always visible on them
i think my favorite consistency is ctubbos mismatched horns, its something that i think signifies it as My Tubbo Design. i saw a picture of a highland cow back in 2021 and i thought it fit him perfectly and ive never gone back ever since then. i started drawing tubbo as more butchy recently mainly because of boss and his source stuff to be perfectly honest, he has a lot going on in there. but its fun to take a character who is very often like... twink-ified? and make him into a stone dyke butch. well, idk if hes twink-ified these days, but back in 2021-2022 he sure was. i think giving tubbo a wider build- something these two images dont rlly do but whatever we'll work with it- is really great as a visual signifier for being guarded. hes a square hes got his massive snowchester coat on with its big furry coat and his hair covers his eyes and hes got a laurel wreath to signify coming home from war/being victorious in battle/etc. and he wasnt always a moobloom much like my little fic talked about, he used to be a human but the firework explosion fucked him up so bad the server had to stitch him back together with code from mobs. so the server grows a laurel on him and the server hardens him and tries to make him more resilient for the next fight.
i got insane abt tubbo let me move on to ranboo. i have so much fun drawing ranboo i really enjoy playing around with hair length and horn shape and leg anatomy etc. i used to be a fan of the straight split down the middle of their halves but i just love the mottled look so much i have to do that, mainly because i think it makes an artwork look a bit more polished for my own standards for myself. a lot of my ranboo design is an exercise in balance. his halves are black on the left white on the right, so his hair is flipped to make it more interesting, i give them the classic metfell hair flip because a)ranboolives hair moves like that already, and b)it lets me play around with giving them a little crown on the opposite sides horn. also i give them a bolo tie because i dont think cranboo can actually tie a regular tie if im being so forreal. and they have puffy sleeves because i think it adds to the fact that theyre not really a fighter like the others. though cranboo can hold their own and are a literal blacksmith constantly mining and smelting ores and making people armor sets, theyre not KNOWN for fighting, and so giving them an outfit that is not suited for fighting can reflect that.
when it comes to tommy i am always changing up how i draw him. im really attached to the long braid though, and im a classic butterfly clip ctommy enjoyer i think its fun and ppl who hated it were annoying as fuck. i think my favorite thing about drawing ctommy is that i give him gauges- very small ones but gauges nonetheless because cwilbur got them and he wanted to match early on. he never actually went through the process of stretching but he does have them in. and when i draw older ctommy i like to draw him like hes early on estrogen i think its really fun. same with tubbo i like to draw him like hes early on T. theyre transing together :]
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AITA for being upset at my mom?
đ”đ” (to find it)
I know it's not a real big deal, but it's starting to get upsetting. English is not my first language and im on mobile sl sorry about that.
Okay, so my(20f) mother (F mid40s) suffer from long covid. Her symptoms consist of chronic fatigue, short breath, join pain and brain fog. (I still live home because im a college student, and finding an appartment in this market is hell)
We've been really supportive of her :
I drive most of the time, and my sister(16f) has her apprentice driver license, so she drives for mom when im at school; when we go to the mall and she need to take a break to breath, i always offer to go get her a wheelchair, or going to get the car, she sleeps a lot in the day so we don't make noise, i bought her loops earplug for sleeping, etc.
We're are used to it and my dad (mid40s too) work 12 hours a day to compensate for the money we're losing with mom on sickleave (where we live we have job insurance and etc): he starts at 5:30am to 6pm, and i usually only see him in the evening, so the only time we really are together as a family is during the evening meal.
There is where i could be the a-hole:
Since mom got long covid, it takes more time for her to respons us, and her memory isnt as good as it was (shes well known in her workplace, she a well respected manager who takes great care of her employees). It's just, almost every night, when me or my sister or even my dad are telling a something that happened in our day, she always cut us to say something, like :don't forget to put this in that, or just to say something she did that day over our own story, or asking me to bring her water in the middle of my sister's sentences (which she could have waited for after she was done).
So we, someone different each time, always tell her "X was speaking, you just cut them, and you do this often, please let them finish" and, well, when it happens everytime i am (or my sister) is trying to say something, it get upsetting. And she always uses the same reasons: "we're a family and we're cohabiting, sometime we talk over you but still listen to you" (no she doesnât, i have to tell her a million times the same fucking thing and she always forget) or "you know my mind is a little slow right now, i'll forget if i don't say it" or she gets upset because we're annoyed by it.
But god forbid if you cut her! She'll raise her tone, and still doesn't get why we're upset.
Like, i get it, she got long covid and it's a bitch to deal with the way your cognitive capabilities slow down with the fatigue, but we've been extremely helpful (and im still gonna be, because she's my mother) and her allowing herself to lack respect towards us doesn't excuse her because she's ill. At least this is how i see it?
At this point i dont really know if i can feel upset? Like, she's my mom, and she's ill (and it's really depressing seeing her this put down by the symptoms i don't wish it to anyone) but im just so tired to have to restart the same sentence four or five time because she keep interrupting me
So, aita?
What are these acronyms?
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hi!!!! kicks my feet id like to see ur wiwi first death thoughts pls
- @suckinitup
MY BELOVED MUTUAL SUCKINITUP HOW ARE YOU. HEAD IN HANDS. I LOVE WILLIAM WISP. FUCK. i think abt him constantly but i almost never write down my thoughts because if i think abt him for too long i make myself sick. like fr. i love him too much. ouuguhghhg going to just straight copy paste this under a cut because it is SO LONG sorry for any typos or sentences that sound weird out of context bc these were originally discord messages:
ohhhhhhh wiwi first death. god . i have so many fucking emotions about wiwi first death. before i get into this im going to say fork found in kitchen to myself because so much of how i view wiwi comes from a VERY SPECIFIC type of dp fanon that it would take me 12 years to actually explain in detail so im gonna say just trust me and understand that william wisp is literally just a fuckign. walmart rebrand of a type of danny characterization i really wish people would just oc-ify (thank you charlie slimecicle for doing this for me)
okayyyyyy okay okay okay. i love there being like. a STARK fucking difference between william before the fall and william after the fall. william before the fall was so much... brighter. in every sense of the word. he looks ALIVE because he is! hes just a . regular fuckign 16 yr old boy. that weird kid in your math class. and yeah he has . suuuuper undiagnosed untreated depression but like its a small rural town thats normal i think. hes got his little group of friends to spend hours with going on cool hikes and reading about the paranormal at the library and sitting in circles talking about conspiracy theories and things. i think UPP is. awesome. i hesitate to get too attached to them in headcanon world just because i dont want bizly to then introduce us to them in s3 and i have to reframe my whole mindset . whatever. i have vague ideas of who they are but the important bit is like. i just think theyre really good friends. and they spend a lot of time together. and william is kind of their defacto leader because... he is the only one of them who actually has truesight. they all believe in ghosts and monsters and stuff but william is the only one who can actually SEE THEM. like. constantly. and thats a lot. and even though they believe him they dont really like.... understand. which kind of makes william feel disconnected from basically everyone around him at all times. i dont think truesight is probably a well-known thing?? so when he was little and started crying to his parents about monsters they thought he just had bad night terrors and then he just................. hes 16 now and still talks about it (less so now, hes learned the horrors of middle- and hihg-school Shame and not to be Super Weird All The Time) so its more like. hmm theres something Wrong here but we dont know what and we dont know how to help. other people (you included ros) have said this better than me but goddddd you knowww the dynamic btwn william and his parents is rough. they love him! so much! and they want to support him! and william loves them too! but they dont GET IT they dont UNDERSTAND and its like. you know what i mean. when you get a mental health diagnosis and suddently everyone is treating you like youre made of glass and nobody really knows what to say around you anymore or whatever. you know what i mean. that.
ANYWAY ALL THIS IS FUCKING. PREAMBLE. GOD. the fall. man. i think there is a STRICT UPP rule of "dont go into the whispering woods alone" and thats the case for the ENTIRETY of their friendship. DONT go into the woods alone. william knows exactly what kind of shit lives in the woods and he knows hes the only one that can reliably see them and he doesnt want anyone to get hurt. MINIMUM of two members for whispering woods investigations. (this is not a town rule or anything. i think the adults of deadwood are aware that its a weird place but it all gets brushed off like . aha everywhere has quirks! and the UPP are like. the conspiracy kids that know the Real Stuff going on. very..... house of anubis is the closest Real Media vibe i can think of rn. UPP pre-fall is like the closest u will get to . scooby doo style monster of the week shenanigans that arent really super serious because theyre safe as they can be about it! bunch of kids doing a ouija board. you know how it is)
uhhhhhhh and then william starts acting weird! i think all of them are on a whispering woods investigation together and theyre all walking together and then william starts lagging behind, staring out at something none of them can see, kind of like. zoned out. tranfixed. and when theyre like "will what do you see?" he shakes his head and snaps out of it like. huh? what? nothing lets keep walking. (it was a wisp btw. obviously) and there are a couple more incidents of him doing this same thing on that one hike until eventually they decide to call it because theyre not finding anything else and tbh william youre kind of freaking us out here. will you be okay? and hes like yeah of course i will guys its nothing i swear. and then they all go home.
and thennnn without telling anyone a couple days later, william goes on a walk in the woods alone. he broke his OWN rule . on that hike he saw wisps and they were just too far away to see clearly off in the distance between the trees but he just Kept Seeing Them and the curiosity was just nagging and nagging away in his brain so much he had to know what they were (thats wisp magic babyyyy you know the mythology around them i dont need to explain that to you) . (and also there is a fair amount of. lack of self preservation because of the previously mentioned untreated unmanaged depression but if i start talking about that in detail i will overshare and also be soooooo emo forreal. know that that is an EXTREMELY important part of this decision but im also going with a little more of the teen mystery angle with this rn. bloody gory mental illness is for after he falls) so he packed his monster investigation backpack and he just. left. didnt even tell his parents he was going he just walked out of the house after school and went into the woods. and he saw the wisps again, but now that he was alone they were Closer and Brighter and they would move whenever he got close and then there was a trail of them ! like they were Leading him somewhere
and i think with some of the monsters he sees he can feel whetehr or not theyre out to hurt him . and the wisps dont feel like that. they feel... well. cold,becaue theyre ghosts, but also warm at the same time? inviting. they dont want to hurt him (they do) they just want to show him something and william "too curious for his own good" wisp wants to know what that thing is! i think he knows the woods really really well because he spends a lot of time out there. so somewhere far away in the back of his mind he kind of knows what theyre leading him toward. but he still jsut Has To Know, so he keeps jogging, keeps hopping over fallen logs and around low branches and theres always a little blue flame juuuuust out of reach so he keeps going . and then he gets to the cliff. its like a full on. burst out of the trees there is a wisp juuuust on the edge where the ground falls away. i think he trips on a root and falls flat on his stomach before he can completely just run off. it gives him a second to catch his breath, to look out and See where he is. for things to kind of come crashing down on him. if he hadnt tripped he wouldve run right off the edge and fallen and it was close enough of a near death experience for it to scare him. but the wisp is still there, and its the biggest brightest one hes seen yet and if he looks around he would see it looks like the entire forest behind him is glowing with tiny blue fires like theyre all watching him. i dont think hes really. thinking coherent thoughts at this point he just kind of. realizes now that hes out here he doesnt really want to go home. he doesnt want to go back to school, doesnt want to eat lunch in the bathroom and think about his brothers empty bedroom across the hall and have his parents look at him with such a weird mix of love and awkward pity and he knows his friends say they believe him but he can see it in their eyes sometimes that the things he says scares them and he really just has been a freak his whole life.... and he realizes as hes thinking all of this he's gotten to his feet and walked toward the wisp on the edge of the cliff. and hes just standing there feet on the very edge staring at it. its floated away now, hanging over the drop at eye level with him but its probably still close enough he could just... reach out.... and try to grab it...... and his feet slip on the rocks and JUST as he closes his hand around the wisp it almost feels like something pushes him (probably just the wind.. right?) and he falls.
he does Not remember hitting the bottom thank god. he remembers falling, and falling, and in the fall he realized he was still holding the wisp he grabbed in his hand and so he pulled it close to his chest as he fell and it almost felt like it was burning him but it was *cold* and .. then he woke up! he woke up in a misty foggy field in what looked to be the middle of the night but if he looks at the sky too long it looks *weird* its just black and empty and there are weird bluish swirls in it that could be clouds but look different, and there are trees in the distance but whenever he tries to walk toward them it feels like theyre moving the same distance away so it never really feels like hes getting anywhere.. and he trips over what he thinks is a rock and lands in the foggy grass and looks behind him and realizes *oh my god thats a gravestone-* and then he wakes up again, for real this time !!! (<< that scene is like. thats His Island. thats his lair or whatever. remember when mal first took him to the spirit world and they were in the graveyard and mal told him that was his. im going with dp style spirit world lairs and this one is williams. hear me out)
aaand. when he wakes up for real. he is at. the bottom of the cliff. EVERYTHING hurts. everything hurts so fucking badly but also everything is like... weirdly numb? and he doesnt really remember that weird dream with the fog and the trees and the grave its all kind of fading as he wakes up more and more and ... his hands are empty hes not holding the wisp anymore. he doesnt know how much time has passed. was any of that even real or did he just have some kind of nervous breakdown and jump off a fuckign cliff? i think he fucking sits there and cries about it for a loooooong time. and everythihng hurts but its gonna start getting dark soon he NEEDS to go home before it gets dark, his parents will start to worry about him and he doesnt want to do that to them. also he might need to get to a hospital or something but hey! he can move! he can stand up and walk! so he must not have any broken bones or anything he just. is bruised and sore probably. and so he. sooooo slowly. so slowly. makes his way back up the cliff (theres. a path. he doesnt have to climb i promise) and back home. alone. no wisps or anything, just william alone with his thoughts. which is . goddd its bad. thats why it takes him so long. ohhh my god what am i even gonna fucking say when i get there. hi mom and dad sorry i needed to clear my head and follow some weird ghosts and in the process i tried to kill myself and it didnt work? fuck?
so by the time he gets home... huh. the door is locked thats weird. its not fully dark yet and his parents know he stays out late with his friends a lot of the time so they usually leave the door unlocked for him. so he knocks. and his mom answers the door and takes one look at him and just fucking breaks down into tears. and so his dad comes in from around the corner to see whats going on and he starts crying too. and william is so. freaked out by this. guys whats wrong what happened. turns out he has been missing for. two weeks. nobody knew where he was or what happened and the woods are alive and weird and anyone who went out in a search part just ended up getting lost themselves and came back like an hour later with nothing. they thought he was dead. (which. i mean. he was. but like. not in the way they thought). so theres this big huge emotional family group hug or whatever with william all dirty with leaves and twigs in his hair and torn clothes and mud on his hands and feet and his mom and dad are just like oh thank god youre alive thank god youre home what happened to you and... man. euguhhhhahghhhh. emo. sorry. god. head in hands .
i thiiink. he kind of ends up telling them what happened. he leaves out the wisps though. his watered down version is.. i just needed to clear my head, i went out into the woods, i got lost, i tripped and fell. (remember how william downplays it for dakota when he asks. i tripped and fell) he doesnt tell them about the wisps but like. that almost makes it worse becuase they KNOW about his bad mental health even if they dont fully understand it and.... this version makes it sound suspiciously way more like it was just a direct suicide attempt. which. william IMMEDIATELY regrets as soon as it leaves his mouth. but thats his story now. so everything kind of... goes back to normal? normal ish??? as nrmal as they can i fucking guess?? for a couple days and he has to go back to school and. god it fucking sucks. gossip . you know how it is. hey that kid tried to kill himself and got lost in the woods for two weeks what a weirdo he freaks everyone out . that kind of stuff. so hes more isolated than EVER and even his friends wont really talk to him although theyre more... sad. than anything else. they just dont really know what to say. theyre teenagers. idk. uhhhhhh then one day he reallyreallly REALLY doesnt want to be somewhere so he hides in the bathroom and.. doesnt realize it at first but he goes invisible. and its not until a couple other kids come in and leave and dont acknowledge him at all that he notices something is weird (he feels bone chillignly cold but like. its a shitty old school building in the very beginnings of winter of course its gonna be cold) and he looks in the mirror and realizes he cant see himself. and after that more and more of his powers kind of. slowly manifest? and he is VERY bad at controlling them and he plans not to tell anyone at first (hes already enough of a freak) until one day his dad finds him like. halfway through the floor in his bedroom and its this . kind of funny ridicuous but also really scary moment. and william has a realization at some point like. oh. i think i *died*. and auughhghg. i think thats all i ahve for now. but . man. when i tell you i think about this soo fucking much man.
#AND THIS ISNT EVEN GETTING INTO DETAIL. man. ive wanted to write a fic about this for AGES but i genuinely dont think i can because it#like srsly makes me really fucking emotional to talk abt him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know why. wiwi brain#heads in hands#hiiiiiiii suck. im so sorry thats become your nickname but its also rlly funny. lmk if u have a better one.#anyway hows the mark jar has he gotten his bugs yet today#asks#jrwi pd#suckinitup
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DUDE ok i was a casual fan of alien stage before round six but now im like quaking in my boots, i wasnât even thinking about a potential saving grace bc of hyuna. and like when i watched it i was so â100% ivanâs dead thereâs no world where vivinos would keep him aliveâ and now im staying on that train bc itâs true and also i donât want to be mourning for no reason lol
anyway itâs certain mizi and till will meet, probably when she saves his depressed ass like he keeps dreaming about, but what i think is gonna happen is that heâs gonna realize that the mizi heâs been yearning for isnât the mizi that actually exists.
obviously itâs been hinted at bc her physical appearance has changed from the glasses wearing long haired angel till sees in round 6 after (or in the middle of, bc he wasnât wearing the collar mute thing) getting assaulted, but also i donât think mizi could ever consider till as more than a friend?
like idk mizi falling for really anyone else leaves a bad taste in my mouth, esp for someone who loves an idealized version of her, and i also very selfishly want my toxic yaoi to be requited even in death so till realizing he lost his real chance at partnership
my heart says till mourns a missed chance and never moves on, ivan deserves it >:(, my brain says maybe in the end mizi and till will become besties and grieve together in a new human world
or or maybe vivinos kills everyone off and like fades out into a future round of alien stage bc itâs a never ending cycle or whatever
sorry for length my brain worms have been brain worming
You know what I vibe with this. Ever since Mizi cut her hair I've been thinking about what it meant for her character (wrote a whole post about it) and how she's changed from the person the rest of the cast saw her as initially. I also don't think Mizi would see Till as anything more than a dear friend. She loves and cares for him, of course, just not in that way, and she'd be kind of disconcerted if she found out how he viewed her. It's implied that Till was always too shy to actually get close to Mizi, so it's likely that he doesn't know what she's actually like. He most likely takes her kind actions at face value and uses these bits of her to build an image in his head. An image of a perfect, flawless angel who's kindness knows no bounds. A purely gentle soul. But Mizi is not like that in actuality, of course. Nobody is. She's incredibly flawed, naive, prone to drowning in her emotion and lashes out when provoked. She's always been a lot stronger than she looks, too. I really want them to be friends, though. They deserve support and solidarity together with Hyuna once they reach an understanding. Hopefully they make it out alive!! (they so totally will not)
The series ending with everyone dead and the next season of Alien Stage beginning would be absolutely diabolical đ I could see that kind of thing happening since it's VIVINOS after all
#by the way i respect tillmizi as a ship even though i dont partake in it myself#alnst#alien stage#alien stage till#alien stage mizi#mizitill#asks
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