#mathis 005

[visxionaries]

who: @ofgoldengrove​ where: the council chamber, following mathis rowan’s first introduction back to the council of the reach. the room was empty now, and the two men remained sat within the great council chamber.

the reactions had been incredibly mixed; and yet if there was one thing that seemed to sear into the mind of the king, it was the incredible silence. so rare was it for silence to fall upon the personalities who sat on the reach council table, and yet, it felt as though they could hear their own hearts beating. he had not realised that he was holding the breath in his chest until he felt as though he were going to burst, and those in the room would not deny the fact that ocean hues glazed over in a sense of shock. that this was reality. 

though the matter had been quietly discussed with tirius, the possibility of it being true, he had been sure - so sure, it was false. so sure it would be another test some cruel figure in the sky had decided to throw in his path. and the king of the reach had hugged mathis rowan as though it was the last time he could - only, it now felt like the first time. it had been months since most had seen such a break in his demeanour, had seen a lively spirit that wore no crown; they saw it then. as emotional and volatile as it was.

was this not cruel? they now sat in somewhat comfortable silence as the last individual left the room, closing the door behind them; and all cedric could help wondering was why whatever gods the others seemed to have so much faith and love for would ever do such a thing. what sort of a test was this? for mathis rowan, for the rowans themselves, for all of those who had loved and mourned him. it was not a king who had stood before them those months ago to report his death, his eyes stricken and red with grief; he had made no attempts to hide the tears he had shed.

“do you want a drink?”

the death of mathis rowan had made him so utterly human. it had made him feel so incredibly human, and vulernable, and cut open. he thought it would hurt less if he was cut open a hundred times over, for he did not only think of what he had done, but he thought of what he could have had done. he thought of what should have been. made him feel as though his very side had been ripped open, as though someone, some presence, had been ripped from his side. 

and now, the life behind the eyes of mathis rowan made him feel something he was not entirely sure what to call. made him feel as though his heart would burst out of his chest, and stop, all at once. as though he had everybody and had nobody, all at once. for his death, the news of the corpse, was enough to set fire to whatever was left within him; whatever sense of morality wished for him to not carry the name of kinslayer. for regardless of it all, cedric tyrell had loved his brother. he wondered why it was their family needed to rip itself apart, just as the targaryens had done. was it their punishment for not following in their oath? 

“...didn’t think i’d ever ask you that again.” and there was a laugh that came from him. it was shaky. he rested his hand on his cheek, looking upon his best friend. he truly was sat there. he was there. seven fucking hells.

what was it that mathis was even looking upon now? who was it? it was mathis who knew best how much cedric had not wanted to kill his only brother. it was mathis rowan who knew why cedric had resisted, time and time again. it was mathis rowan who lost the love his life because of it. it was cedric who lost his true brother because of it. so why did it still feel as though his chest was ready to cave in? 

[lucreziasredwyne]

∞

time after time, it appeared as though the pair would always find themselves standing side by side; in the highest of spirits and in the lowest of all points, even when it were completely done in silence. there was an art in perfecting the mask that slipped on one's face, regardless of the anxiety that seemed to course through the veins the same way their blood should do so; there was no denying the fact that merely being able to look upon him once again felt like a miracle in itself. and yet, there was no manner in which she could ever truly express what ran through her mind.

she knew it was not the feeling of being in love she had mourned for, but the feeling of love itself; it was more than what the ballads, the sonnets and the plays glorified in hues of rose and gold.

she heard the distant sound of the flutes and the drums, and hoped the warmth of the room would be enough to mask the slight tint of rose that appeared on her cheeks. "thank you." she spoke, her voice quieter; the topic had always been a sensitive one for her, as he no doubt would have known. and yet still, there was nothing but a good feeling deep within her veins and her gut; as though this was the way matters were supposed to be. and it had turned out all well in the end. the vines of the redwynes and the orchards of goldengrove remained entangled; regardless of marriage, or any other matter. it could be this way.

still, she slipped into the chair moments before he slipped into his own, reaching forward to utilise a knife to slice through a pomegranate before taking one side into her hands, beginning to remove the contents in the method that had been taught to her by her mother. patting it, so the contents fell into the bowl. "honestly, yes." she confirmed, knowing there was no use in attempting to dance around the topic at hand: he needed sincerity. and yet still, she felt herself wondering how best to handle the matters. did she start from the beginning?

"the captain and the men are under house arrest upon the arbor whilst the investigation takes place." she spoke, her voice remaining soft as she continued to peel the pomegranate. "cedric has made it known he seeks answers from the summer isles, but truthfully…i guess i think it is gone far beyond answers now." she contemplated on what tirius would push for; she knew what tirius would push for. "the crew will need to face consequences for their actions on board; though i swear to you, it will all be proportionate. none of those consequences fall upon you." would he truly believe her words? she doubted it.

the treatment of the men from the arbor was one matter. but the issue began long before then. with the winds of summer. "what happened the day they found you?"

there was a moment of hesitation to take the plate from the lady's hands, for he did not entirely believe that it was meant for him. certainly, she wanted it for good reason, but mathis knew lucrezia well enough not to put forth such a fight when she was offering something. she would not do so if she did not mean it. still, part of him felt guilty, perhaps it was undeserving, more accurately, for all he had unintentionally put them through. of course, following that thought, he felt foolish.

and so when the platter was extended, and he felt his stomach protest the part of his mind that wished to refuse her, he accepted it anyways, one hand holding the plate, while the other grasped another piece of the savory pastry and popped it into his mouth, followed by a goofy grin.

things seemed so normal, so natural, and perhaps that was just simply what he was able to sense in the presence of his closest friends. he knew they were most affected by his absence, but also most able to help him find himself again. there seemed to be a balance between the reminders they brought him of his old self, and the reminder that his absence was felt, and so much time and events had passed that he missed entirely. it was a strange thing that he knew he would have to process and grow accustomed to. mathis did not expect his friends to bare that burden. they bared enough for him.

he snorted at her comment, swallowing down the remains of the food within his mouth as he shook his head. "lu." he stated, tone almost scolding. "would you feel better if i grew a gut?" he taunted with a hearty chuckle, shaking his head once again. "it suits you. motherhood will suit you, truly." mathis offered after a brief moment of making light-hearted jests. it was a surprise, certainly, but so was the marriage, and he knew soon they would all be growing their own families.

mathis sensed the slight shift in her demeanor, something hanging in the air between them before she even spoke it into it's existence. perhaps he was waiting for this to be addressed, though he was unsure if it would be by her, or by omer. mathis did not wish for her to be concerned over such a thing, but since she brought it to the table, he would bring to her the honest truth of the matter.

head gestured towards the more private area in the presence of men of their houses, privacy to speak on a topic that was, understandably, tender for him, but not so much so he would not be able to get through the conversation. mathis had grown to notice speaking of things, resolving what he could, it helped. he let lucrezia take her own seat before he took his. "i gather this is about my time aboard your vessel?" he guessed.

[fictionkin-hell]

☆Kaspar Playlist for Mod🥏!☆

♪001 Regret - New Order

♪002 Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Ian Hunter

♪003 Too Much, Too Little, Too Late - Johnny Mathis, Deneice Williams

♪004 Livin’ On A Prayer - Bon Jovi

♪005 Two Words - Retrofile

♪006 Tainted Love - Soft Cell

♪007 True Faith - New Order

♪008 More Than A Feeling - Boston

♪009 Money - Pink Floyd

♪010 I Loved Another Woman - Fleetwood Mac

♪011 Back In Black - AC/DC

♪012 Shot Through The Heart - Bon Jovi

♪013 Sweet Dreams - Eurythmetics, Annie Lennox, Dave Stewart

♪014 Money, Money, Money - ABBA

♪015 American Pie - Don McLean

[mish-ka]

masterlist •

✯ — Fluff | ☹︎︎ — Angst | ✍︎︎ — In progress | ❁ — Smut

* Here is a collection of my current and upcoming works that you can read and enjoy.

☼ Please note that I do not wish to have my work translated or published on any third party reading websites. I claim the rights to my work.

☼ Where I don’t have any rights to RRR and any RRR character, many ideas and OC are my own creation. Please respect that.

━━ 𝗞𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗧𝗼𝗵 𝗛𝘂𝗮 𝗛𝗮𝗶 𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗦 ━━

001. — Kuch Toh Hua Hai — [𝐑𝐚𝐦 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐧𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.] ✯

002. — Hawayein — [𝐑𝐚𝐦'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧, 𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧.] ✯

003. — Rait Zara Si — [𝐑𝐚𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧'𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝.] ✯

004. — Main Hoon Gumsum — [𝐑𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐛 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐧.] ✯☹︎

005. — Chandani Se Noor Ke — [Ram’s mind is foggy and filled with his desires for the woman.] ❁ ✯

━━ 𝗔𝗷𝗲𝗲𝗯 𝗗𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻 𝗛𝗮𝗶 𝗬𝗲𝗵 𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗦 ━━

001. — Ajeeb Dastan Hai Yeh — [Ram never imagined he would help a bride escape from her wedding and then marry her.] ✯✍︎︎

━━ 𝗨𝗽𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗦 ━━

001. — Ik Chit Van Mein — [𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐥 𝐒𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫.] ✯☹︎✍︎︎

━━ 𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘁𝘀/𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀 ━━

001. — Main Tenu Samjhawan Ki — [𝐑𝐚𝐦 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞. 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫.] ✯☹︎✍︎︎

━━ 𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 ━━

This is a section fully intended for any request you guys have. Please let me know if you wish to read something. Please keep in mind that I mostly write Ram x Reader or Ram x OC.

━━ 𝗧𝗮𝗴𝘀 ━━

Here are all the tags I have included in my stories:

@bromance-minus-the-b @shreyalokesh @iamhereforthefanfics @thewinchestergirl1208 @voidsteffy @ramcharansexy @anyavaramyr @ronaldofandom @budugu @shawty-writes-a-little @saanjh-sakhi @nyotamalfoy @chaanv @obsessedtoafault @ronnoxandlumoss @maraudersbitchesassemble @dumdaradumdaradum@phoenix666stuff @ramcharanobsessed @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @yehsahihai @aasthuu @deeznutsssssblog @juhiiiiii @moonyrox @nerdreader @rosayounan @dreqmwonders @cescosstuff @sabi5 @guywholovestowrite @voidofdarknessworld @kaashvi-agarwal @mathy-u @ramcharanobsessed @honeybeetiny @ramayantika @bitchy-bi-trash @army24--7@shaktimarvel @sukitaee @rathourrakshit @desi-brownie @meownique @piku-07 @indianaestheticsblog @shadowsandsorcery7005 @amnmich @anjalis-ennui @chaoticqueenlove @browneyesromantic

[dwindledglow]

001. MEET DYLAN

FULL NAME: dylan storm van der vries. PREFERRED NAME: dylan. NICKNAME/S: dyl. DATE OF BIRTH: december 7th, 1999. GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis male & he/his. ORIENTATION: hetero. RELIGION: non-practising christian. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: in a relationship with ayla davis. OCCUPATION: entrepeneur, digital content creator and filmmaker. RESIDENCE: tribeca, new york city.

002. CHECK DYLAN’S BACKGROUND

HOMETOWN: liège, belgium. NATIONALITY: belgian and british. ETHNIC BACKGROUND: belgian and british. LINGUISTICS: english and french which are his native languages, italian and spanish in a fluent level and greek, portuguese and swedish on an intermediate level. EDUCATION: he has graduated from high-school. he applied to a business major in various universities — oxford, london school of economics, harvard, yale and columbia — and he was accepted into all of them but later, decided the conventional educational system wasn’t for him. CRIMINAL RECORD: clean. BIRTH ORDER: second. FATHER: dries koen van der vries, born on february 2nd, 1970 in liège, belgium, currently residing in montecarlo, monaco. he’s the owner of a bank. MOTHER: keira imogen van der vries, née hughes, born on may 29th, 1974 in manchester, england, currently residing in montecarlo, monaco. she’s the CEO and owner of hughes & leighton investment group. SISTER/S: lynne blithe van der vries, born on june 3rd, 2015 in montecarlo, monaco where she still resides and studies. BROTHER/S: johan mathis van der vries, born on january 21st, 1989 in liège, belgium, currently residing in flatiron district, new york city and working as a doctor - he owns a private practice. he’s dylan’s half-brother from their father’s first relationship.  SIGNIFICANT OTHER: ayla davis. CHILDREN: none so far. OTHER RELEVANT FAMILY: elizabeth jones, johan’s wife thus his sister-in-law. EX/ES: ayla was his first, and only, serious relationship. PETS: kuro, a chow-chow and akira, an australian-shepperd.

003. GET UP CLOSE & PERSONAL

HEIGHT: 6′0″ or 183 cm. WEIGHT: between 160 lbs or 72.5 kg and 163 lbs or 74 kg. BODY BUILD: dylan is naturally lean, he was blessed with a good metabolism and genetics that make it hard to put on too much weight. of course, there’s good and bad parts about it - his lanky figure when he was shy of 14 y/o was one of them. with a good exercise routine, he has managed to build up muscle, and despite being far from being one of those buff, muscly guys out there, he has a toned body and he has an athletic physique. EYE COLOR: green. EYESIGHT: his eyesight is perfect, he doesn’t need glasses or contacts but even so, you���ll find him wearing blue light blocking glasses when he spends long hours editing in the computer. HAIR COLOR & STYLE: he has brown, naturally curly hair which he’ll often let grow a bit too much and struggle to style. truth be told, dylan isn’t the type to be bothered with his hair style, he has more things to worry about so, for the most part, he’ll just allow his hair to lay as his or fluff it out and go on about his day. DOMINANT HAND: right. NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: something people have always pointed out, and which dylan can only assume to be one of his most notable traits, are his eyes and how, sometimes, they look almost disney-character like, as though they’re bambi-eyes, if you will. his curls are something else that attract plenty of attention but besides it, the little moles and freckles on his features are another distinguishing trait.   SCARS AND MARKS: he has some notable, little moles scattered throughout his face but otherwise, there isn’t anything particularly remarkable. if anything, you’ll find some minor scars and bruises, courtesy of every day life, here and there but it’s nothing major. TATTOOS: none so far. PIERCINGS: none so far. VOICECLAIM: lando norris. ACCENT & INTENSITY: regardless of the years spent in between manchester and monaco, the unending travels to foreign countries and living abroad in numberless cities, his mancunian accent remains intact and intense as always. you can easily place where he’s from the minute words start rolling off and for one, dylan is very proud of it. ALLERGIES: pine, mushrooms and hayfever. PHOBIAS & FEARS: failure, solitude and, though it can’t be qualified as a fear or phobia, he doesn’t feel all that comfortable in rollercoasters. MENTAL & PHYSICAL ILLNESSES: none so far. ALCOHOL USE: on social gatherings or when it’s a special occasion. SMOKING: no. NARCOTICS USE: no, he has never used any narcotics or heavy drugs. INDULGENT FOOD: sometimes, he has his downfall moments like all of us. SPLURGE SPENDING: very rarely, and when it happens, it’s definitely not something he does for himself but rather for others. GAMBLING: no, never.

004. DIG DEEPER

CAN THEY DRIVE? yes, he can drive. CAN THEY COOK & BAKE? yes and yes. CAN THEY CHANGE A FLAT TIRE? yes. CAN THEY TIE A TIE? yes. CAN THEY SWIM? yes. CAN THEY RIDE A BICYCLE? yes. CAN THEY JUMP START A CAR? no. CAN THEY BRAID HAIR? no. CAN THEY PICK A LOCK? no. EXTROVERTED OR INTROVERTED? extroverted. DISORGANIZED OR ORGANIZED? organized. CLOSE OR OPEN MINDED? open minded. CALM OR ANXIOUS? calm, very calm. PATIENT OR IMPATIENT? patient. OUTSPOKEN OR RESERVED? outspoken. LEADER OR FOLLOWER? leader. OPTIMISTIC OR PESSIMISTIC? optimistic. TRADITIONAL OR MODERN? modern. HARD-WORKING OR LAZY? hard-working. CULTURED OR UNCULTURED? cultured. LOYAL OR DISLOYAL? loyal. FAITHFUL OR UNFAITHFUL? faithful. NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD? he doesn’t consider himself to be either, maybe a healthy in-between. HEAVY OR LIGHT SLEEPER? an in-between. COFFEE OR TEA? both. DAY OR NIGHT? both. TAKING BATHS OR SHOWERS? showers. COCA COLA OR PEPSI? coca-cola. CATS OR DOGS? dogs. NETFLIX OR CINEMA? cinema. SHOWS OR MOVIES? movies. LAPTOP OR GAMING CONSOLE? laptop. HEALTHY OR JUNK FOOD? a healthy in-between. ICE CREAM OR FROZEN YOGURT? ice cream. PIZZA OR HAMBURGER? both. LOLLIPOPS OR GUMMY WORMS? gummy worms. BEACH OR POOL? both. SNOWBALLS FIGHTING OR ICESKATING? snowballs fighting. LITERATURE OR SCIENCE? literature. HISTORY OR ART? both. CHOCOLATE BARS OR COTTON CANDY? chocolate bars. XBOX OR PLAYSTATION? playstation. FACE-TO-FACE OR PHONE INTERACTIONS? face-to-face interactions. DRAMA OR SCI-FI? both. HORROR OR COMEDY? comedy.

005. DYLAN’S FAVORITES

FAVORITE ACTIVITY: traveling. FAVORITE ANIMAL: wolf. FAVORITE BOOK: 21 lessons for the 21st century by yuval noah harari. FAVORITE COLOR/S: black and grey. FAVORITE CUISINE: mediterranean and japanese.  FAVORITE DISH/ES: spanakopita, paella, pizza margherita and sashimi. FAVORITE DRINK/S: mulled apple juice, peppermint mocha latte, lassi and black russian. FAVORITE FLOWER/S: red poppy. FAVORITE GEM: opal. FAVORITE MOVIE: kill bill vol. 1 by quentin tarantino. FAVORITE SONG: breathe deeper by tame impala. FAVORITE SCENT/S: the scent of the seaside, the scent of the earth after it rained and citrus. FAVORITE SHOW/S: brooklyn nine-nine, mr. robot and american crime story. FAVORITE SPORT/S & TEAM THEY SUPPORT: soccer, and he supports manchester city. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR: spring. VACATION DESTINATION: somewhere in south africa.

[lucreziasredwyne]

∞

"the reason i have this plate was to bring it to you." she spoke, her tone almost shy as she spoke, though she knew not why. perhaps because she found it silly she remembered such small details. "you'd need it more than me." there was the momentary beat of silence as she watched the facial features upon one of the most familiar of faces change, a slip of momentary realisation with warm orbs flickering between her own orbs and the plate she held in her hand as though it were the most triumphant of victories. in that beat of silence, lucrezia's own hazel orbs reflected the sense of realisation flickering over his own, the most comforting of smiles slipping over her features.

many would assume her to be all red wine, when in reality she were honey; and the slight look he had regarding baklava of all matters was enough to cause her to silently reach forward to put the plate in his own hands.

and when their hands briefly touched for a moment as she put the plate into his own hands, there was no sense of electric spark or yearning to feel more of his touch upon her. no increasing pulse of a heartbeat that made her cheeks flush or made her want to bring her lips to the palms of his hands. there was only a choking feeling at the back of her throat to feel warmth at his skin, even for a matter of seconds, rather than the icy cold of death.

how strange it was, for the feelings to come in waves: feeling okay, and then feeling as though she had awoken from some twisted nightmare.

and when she spoke, it was only after the amusing non-verbal actions, and only when the choking feeling at the back of her throat ceased. "be quiet and eat, mathis rowan." the last thing he needed was others being emotional around him, as though he were some walking ghost instead of a man attempting to put the pieces of his life back together. he may think the lines between those two things blurred, but they were as different as different could be.

and so she would attempt to be normal, attempt to continue feeling as though nothing had happened, even if she did feel as though she were on the edge of tears at some points. from grief. from shock. from generally feeling overwhelmed.

"almost as fat as me." she spoke, her face almost shy again for a moment as she no doubt referred to the curve and swelling of her stomach. how foolish it was, to feel shy of such a thing. it was necessary one of them broke the silence on that matter, at least; for whilst she knew all too well he understood her choices, and there were no feelings of spurred betrayal as a result of choices made when he were taken from them, she almost felt as though that acknowledgement was needed. she then shook her head, as though to assert that no, she did not find him fat. he looked the same. more the same than he probably believed he did.

she glanced toward multiple vacant seats at one of the many tables within the bustling hall, where it were slightly quieter due to being behind curtains that blocked out some of the noise of the musicians. the only other presence in there was a group playing cards, rowan and redwyne men alike. she heard them exclaiming in the language of their ancient ancestors, and knew if there was any setting where mathis could feel the most comfortable, perhaps it would be that.

because she needed to ask. in order to begin the process of the consequences of whatever happened aboard the vessel, she needed to ask. and to ask, would make it flood back. she needed to ask. she needed to know, from his own mouth rather than any other individual's. "truthfully, there are also some matters i must ask you. only because i must." she spoke, her tone quieter than it had been some moments ago, but retaining the sense of warmth, compassion and most of all, security it held. "they relate to your return journey. there are some open chairs there, with our men if you would prefer to step away."

and she waited for him to take the lead, if he chose to. or if he decided he would need more time, that was something she would accept and digest easily enough too.

it was so easy to fall back in step with his old life, and yet difficult at the same time. mathis felt entirely the same, and entirely different. he knew all too well that the relationships he had formed with many in the court of the reach would be altered forever regarding his capture and reappearance. he still caught the stares from others, heard the whispers as he passed people by. though it did not entirely bother him, he understood why, it only reminded him of what he had endured, and that was perhaps the most difficult thing he had to come to grips with upon his return to society itself.

though life had changed for so many, his had been at a stand still, and he was still catching up. mathis wondered when he would finally feel like he was at everyone else's pace again, though he was not necessarily in a rush, either. suddenly life was far more precious, things he had took for granted before, absurd decisions he had made before, that's what they all were, the before. he was in the after now, had made it to the other side, and thought mathis was very much the same, indeed, he knew he would be different, choose differently.

he made a mock face of disapproval to lucrezia's jest. "gerçekten şişman olduğumu mu düşünüyorsun?" (do you truly think me fat?) he asked, though he was not sincere.

mathis didn't like to think of how anyone felt upon the news of his death, least of all lucrezia. at times he could still see the young girl he had found lost in the maze, a lifetime of memories with one of his best friends, and certainly a crushing pain at the thought that he was gone forever. he struggled to speak of it with cedric, as well, tirius, and he knew he would never speak of it directly with his mother. though it was not his pain, it was theirs, and while he was not at fault for it, he bore the guilt.

at her revealing the baklava to him, a wide grin spread across his face, golden as the sun, though there was something different about his features, now, more weary. he did not hesitate to grab a piece and take a bite, placing a hand dramatically to his chest. "tanrı seni korusun." (gods be good.) he exhaled. "if my belly grows, it will be worth it." he laughed, grabbing another piece, though not eating it just yet, realization coming upon his features. "are you sure you don't want it? you had the plate for a reason. don't tell me this was supposed to be for my mother."

[lucreziasredwyne]

ofgoldengrove​:

setting : highgarden, a feast, some weeks after mathis has returned ;; @lucreziasredwyne

mathis was slowly getting used to the normal routine of things. the things he used to do day in and out, but had long gotten into such a routine that they were mundane. now he had to think of every little move he made, and it was exhausting. he knew he should be more grateful for it, to be able to even have the opportunity to live his life again, but it felt as if he was learning to live all over again.

there was a lively tune playing now as he stood to the side of the room, a goblet in his hand, long empty, but holding it seemed to ground him in some strange way. it made things feel more…normal. but they were never going to be the normal he knew before, so he would need to find another sort of normal in the midst of everything.

and a servant passed by, baklava upon a platter in their hand and mathis found himself eagerly reaching out for one. it was strangely the most normal thing that had happened since he returned. before he could put the pastry to his lips, it slipped out of his hand.

he couldn’t help, but chuckle at the irony of it all. even something that felt routine could not be, could it? he shook his head, brown hues looking to the side to see lucrezia approaching now. although they had said their hello’s, he hadn’t much of a chance to speak to her since he had returned. no doubt she must’ve seen what had just happened to him.

“baklava, after so long, and the gods practically rip it from my very hand.” mathis jested.

∞

there was a saying within the fold of their way that described the significance behind the concept of burdens: the gods did not burden a soul with more than they could handle. hardship came often the result of man's free will, rather than the preordained choices of the gods above; and that was something she had quietly needed to understand in those early days following the death of her mother. the notion of struggle, the way life was not supposed to be beautiful; if they were meant to be perfect, they would be the angels rather than their children. 

“maybe to stop you from growing a belly.” she spoke as she approached him, her hands holding a plate. “bir sebebi var.“ there is a reason.

the very same saying was what lucrezia thought of when the news was confirmed to her; a letter received by her husband on his route back to highgarden, confirming what she had thought long gone. mathis rowan. there was no denying the sense of profound loss she felt upon hearing the news within the council chamber, the stricken sense of horror at the prospect of his body being desecrated. the idea of anyone being able to do something like that to him. it had made her retch, to think of something as small as his laugh. a reassuring grin. a pondering question. 

regardless of the currents that went in and out between them, the way they missed one another like ships in the night, he were one of her best friends. a part of her died hearing the news he was gone. a part of she had begun to live without. that small part of childhood innocence that looked for sunlight, that saw no way in which their own community could betray one another. they were all family. and such innocence had been ripped out, and thrown into the waves to drown.

she had looked upon that letter and cried all her tears of gratitude and disbelief, to ensure none fell when it were time to meet again. she had made her prayers of thanks and kept him in her prayers, mentioned his name even. and when they met again in that council chamber, she remained within her chair, barely able to look at him for fear she would find herself overly emotional. it would not help. it was not needed. and in the weeks that followed, she watched the rowans of goldengrove come together; knew of lady aiyla rowan’s cries as she held onto her son as though she wished not to let him go. 

there was no need to rush. recovery would never end; there would always be flashes of remembering. he had those around him that would help him through such moments of despair. she raised the plate to his eye level, to reveal pieces of baklava. there was a slight laugh that came from her as she did so, her movement soft but playfully dramatic, even with her head bowed slightly. “bunların hepsini yiyememe sebebim.” the reason being i cannot eat all of this.