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#math or whatever...like the teacher from the academic-ish but obviously not grade-related Summer Camp thing who thought i was smart
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i hate any mensa-type sapiosexual ass superiority framed around the shaky and skewed concept of Intellect and like dumbass rights but then at the same time it’s like that post abt calling yourself stupid as hell all the time but whenever someone else does it it’s like “einstein wants what i have”, and also like well i like to acknowledge / not downplay my own capabilities without giving any idea that it’s like “also i think that IQ is a real thing and makes you better than everyone,” and also it’s just the whole thing where like, embracing the Undesirable end of any imposed scale (i.e. Smart <-> Dumbass) can be subversive b/c of denying intended disincentives / shame / stigma etc etc but also like, it still works within the existence of the Concept in the first place, like, calling yourself ugly and being chill with it but also like, Attractiveness Vs Ugliness are entirely subjective / invented / crafted concepts and the only thing is that everyone has a body which looks the way that it does and that’s the only Objective part of it
anyways so i’m saying that like i like the things that i’m capable of doing with my brain in terms of thinking about shit and sometimes doing something further with that thinking
#like me always going back and forth between like...okay if i call myself an artist that means i sully the loftiness of it with my drawings#being exclusively unoriginal fanart (a good thing lol suck it) but if i call myself Not an artist i get to Not imply that i care about being#an Artist the way that most ppl who are ~serious~ abt it / pursuing a career or smthing that way would so What To Do#i am someone who occasionally produces what can be called art#if i bring up Facts abt school things that make ppl call me Smart it's like oh no no i Am going to downplay that...counter it w/ facts like#that i was always a terrible student who hated school & dropped out & i have like no academic certification...i only rly cared abt Gotta Get#Good Grades b/c my sister got in trouble(tm) for getting a C when i was not even old enough for a-f letter grades yet lol rip#the best times i've been called smart is for non ''getting good grades'' things or when ppl find out i like / have taken a lot of / am ok at#math or whatever...like the teacher from the academic-ish but obviously not grade-related Summer Camp thing who thought i was smart#or the middle school math teacher who thought i was smart just b/c i got ahead of him while he was writing out a problem and Corrected him#on a mistake...i swear i didn't do it to be smug lol i just thought i might be wrong and couldn't really see how & asked him 2 check. genius#and then whenever friends might call me smart i'll accept that#countered by the crap times that people call me stupid: earliest remembered one goes out to when i was annoyed abt something & deliberately#being difficult abt w/e and my grandma is all oh you're smart at school but you're real dumb about social stuff like. well i was just being#stubborn mostly but thanks! 8? 9? yrs back with the friend i now decline to reconnect with who got mad when we were struggling w/ directions#this one time and really emphatically started calling me an idiot...no you can't have my twitter handle nowadays that's okay. & the coworker#who would be alright sometimes but other times just amazingly awful and would be like lol you're so dumb but A Bit Too Seriously yanno??#but in terms of the ways i know i Do come across as ~smart~ or have excelled results-wise in school despite hating it / being a crap student#is like...love also that being autistic is like if you Seem Smart or good at anything it's all like not even seen as Your ability & as some#glitchy crossed wires where oops your autism accidentally contributed something positive i guess! what a coincidence that the machine of ur#brain just cranks out this result. instead of Being A Full Person its diverted this brainspace to being a computer at [insert ability/talent
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