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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 2 / 4

« pt. 1 | » pt. 3

Introduction

JungKook’s and YoonGi’s stories are the first of the paid content in BTS Universe Story and are substantially more detailed than the episodes covered in part 1. As this led to longer summaries (4.2k and 3k), I have added “tl;dr commentary” at the bottom of the post after a section of additional thoughts. This commentary summarizes the parenthetical asides I made throughout the summaries and may be of interest as standalone reading to those who have already played the game yet would like to review its connections to the BU texts and MVs.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

The Boy on the Threshold

In this story, SeokJin works to uncover the motivations behind JungKook’s nightly street wandering, instigation of fights with thugs, and decision to jump from the roof of a construction site. He was aware of the “darkness” within JungKook but never thought that he would give up on himself. SeokJin is determined to find a way to make JungKook think “I want to live” on his own.

In the afternoon on 11 April Year 22, SeokJin drives by the crosswalk outside Songju Jeil High School. Spotting a grim-faced JungKook, he gets out to greet him. JungKook visibly brightens and pelts him with question after question, finally finishing with, “But how come you’re here at school?” If the player chooses the response “I came to see you” rather than “I was in the neighborhood,” JungKook seems a little disbelieving due to the coincidental timing but nevertheless pleased. SeokJin offers him a ride, thinking that JungKook will not carry out that night’s actions from previous loops if he gets home right away. In the car, SeokJin reminisces aloud about the day they all met. On 3 March Year 19, all seven boys arrived late on the first day at Songju Jeil High School and were scolded outside by the Dean. (Aside from the absence of extra students, this scene looks very similar to the BTS Begins Middle Scene VCR, including the detail of YoonGi arriving last. This VCR predates official BU content.) When the Dean spotted SeokJin in their lineup, he reduced their punishment of community service for one month to just that afternoon. After classes, the boys cleaned the annex. The old classroom-turned-storage room became their secret hideout where they enjoyed various activities like dancing, playing the piano, and spending time with one another. JungKook appears happy as they chat about their school days, although in one path, his face falls after he remembers when he and YoonGi were caught in the annex. SeokJin is concerned, but JungKook insists, “It’s nothing.”

They say goodbye outside JungKook’s house, but SeokJin watches to make sure he goes inside. JungKook hesitates before ringing the bell at the gate. His mom answers, surprised and at a loss by his unexpected arrival. She asks him to come back later because his father’s relatives stopped by, and the intercom cuts off before he can answer. (His mother remarried, so this is really his step-father and family.) SeokJin wonders if JungKook has no one to lean on at school or at home and if this is why he wanders the streets at night. He asks JungKook where he wants to go now. “The beach… the one I went to with you guys,” JungKook answers, then says he’s kidding when SeokJin hesitates, thinking about the night ahead. SeokJin invites JungKook home instead, hoping to keep an eye on him before he needs to save NamJoon at the gas station.

In his bedroom, SeokJin hastily takes down the map and notes pinned on the wall of the boys’ incidents around the city. After letting JungKook inside, he shows him a box of photos from their time together in school. While JungKook browses, a notification on SeokJin’s phone reminds him of Songho Foundation’s inaugural ceremony that evening. Songho Foundation is a scholarship foundation funded by his maternal grandmother’s estate, and his father formally introduces him on this occasion. SeokJin also receives a call from his father’s long-time aide, a man he refers to as Uncle JunHo, who instructs him not to be late to the ceremony. Claiming it won’t take him long, SeokJin asks JungKook to stay there and wait for him to return. He is worried about leaving JungKook alone but also concerned that bringing him to the gas station after the ceremony will make him late to intervening in NamJoon’s incident.

In the lobby of the hotel hosting the Songho Foundation Inauguration Ceremony, SeokJin recognizes many important faces from around the city: Song JunHo, his father’s aide; Seo HyunJung, the city’s deputy mayor; the CEO of Youngjin Engineering & Construction Company; a professor from Munhyeon University; and the Jeil High School principal, Jo JinMyung. SeokJin doesn’t want to cross paths with the principal but is drawn into a conversation with him, the mayor, and his father, Kim ChangJun. “Assemblyman! Congratulations on the launch of the scholarship foundation,” Deputy Mayor Seo says to Kim ChangJun. “I hear that your son has been accepted to Munhyeon University? You must be happy that he’s attending your alma mater.” Kim ChangJun shakes his head. “He still has a lot to learn.” She remarks that everyone knows how well SeokJin has grown up and inquires about his career plans. The player is presented with three choices: “I haven’t decided yet,” “I want to become a good person,” and “I want to become someone like my father.” SeokJin’s father continues to look grim while the others chuckle in response to the first two answers, but his expression softens at the third, which SeokJin knew would not rub him the wrong way. Deputy Mayor Seo proposes to Assemblyman Kim that they establish a regular meeting to discuss community development, mentioning that it would be better if he could invite the city’s prominent citizens and give a speech. Assemblyman Kim agrees, telling his assistant Song JunHo to make note of it. The ceremony concludes, and the guests head towards the hotel’s restaurant. SeokJin is wary of his father’s watchful gaze but impatient to carry out the rest of the night’s plans. While his father is surrounded by other people, he informs Uncle JunHo that he has to leave to work on a group project. SeokJin slips out of the hotel and heads to NamJoon’s gas station.

While SeokJin is gone, one of the photos in the box catches JungKook’s eye. It shows the seven boys sitting on a wall with the ocean behind them. (This photo resembles the shot in Euphoria at 5’32” except that they appear to be wearing school uniform shirts and slacks.) A flashback retells the afternoon of 12 June Year 19 when the boys cut school early and visited the sea, trudging over 3 kilometers under the scorching sun to find a boulder that is rumored to make your dreams come true. (The date is not specified in the game, but the memory closely follows this set of entries in The Notes 1.) Everyone collapses in disappointment when they can’t find the rock at its designated location. JungKook is tired but not as disappointed as the others—just walking there with them is enough for him, even though he often feels uncertain of his place among the group. He gets up on the pier railing, reflecting: “I’ve always liked walking on the edge of walls or on top of lines. Focusing on centering my gravity means that I don’t really think of anything else, and the boundary—not quite a part of either place—always felt like where I should be.” Balancing precariously, JungKook walks until someone grabs his arm. YoonGi scolds him not to do this. JungKook assures him that he will not fall but privately thinks: “YoonGi would often grab my arm when I walked on railings. The others would look after me, too, after seeing him do that. I liked their helping hands. It felt like they were telling me that I should go to them. That this wasn’t my place. Maybe their hands were why I walked on the railings.”

The story returns to the present in SeokJin’s perspective. He rushes back to his room after saving NamJoon and finds JungKook asleep, leaning against the bed with the photos still scattered around him. Feeling both relief and regret, SeokJin quietly coaxes JungKook to lay down and sleep more comfortably. JungKook wakes up and says he should go home after hearing that it’s past ten o’clock. The game cuts briefly to SeokJin’s father in his study with his aide. Kim ChangJun asks Song JunHo to fetch SeokJin, as he needs to know what goes on for the foundation. JunHo says that SeokJin must be entertaining a guest for the group project because he spotted an unfamiliar pair of shoes in the entryway.

Back in his bedroom, SeokJin is startled when his father knocks on the door. It’s rare for his father to visit the second floor of their home, so he let his guard down while chatting with JungKook. “F-Father.” Stammering, SeokJin flinches and gathers up the scattered photos. “Did you leave the ceremony early to waste time like this? Even lying to say you were doing a school project?” asks Kim ChangJun. His cold and reproachful stare suffocates SeokJin. When his father’s eyes scan to JungKook standing awkwardly at the side, SeokJin is plunged into a childhood memory. On 10 October Year 9, 9-year-old SeokJin hid a school friend who was being chased by scary men in his bedroom. His father arrived and asked if the boy was Mr. Choi’s son, saying people had come to take him. When Kim ChangJun ordered him to “be a good boy,” SeokJin froze and was powerless to stop his friend from being handed over. The following day, SeokJin was told his friend transferred schools. (This event is also depicted as the first entry of The Notes 1.) In the present, SeokJin struggles to think of an explanation, smothered by that memory and his father’s pressuring stare. JungKook timidly speaks up. “I was only here to visit for a short while. I was actually about to head home. Hey, I’ll go now.” SeokJin knows he can’t leave him alone yet and finally forces himself to move. “Father, I… I’m going to go out for a little while.” He runs outside, but JungKook is already gone.

The story cuts to JungKook’s perspective as he arrives in a familiar alleyway. He is thankful that SeokJin was so considerate to him but feels that he shouldn’t have gone to his home since it made things more complicated for his friend. “YoonGi even got expelled because of me… Why do I always mess things up for the people around me?” JungKook thinks. The player is presented the choice to either text SeokJin or call YoonGi. In the first path, SeokJin calls JungKook while he is mid-text and says that he’ll come pick him up, but JungKook declines, thanks him, and hangs up. In the second path, JungKook fiddles with his phone, wondering if YoonGi will be annoyed or even answer. He remembers when they crossed paths a few days earlier. On 7 April Year 22, JungKook heard a familiar tune while roaming the dark streets and saw YoonGi playing piano through a broken window of a music shop. YoonGi stopped and eventually staggered out of the shop without noticing JungKook reaching out to him. JungKook tried to play the music by memory, and suddenly YoonGi returned—just like their days at the classroom. (Note: In his 7 April Year 22 entry of The Notes 1, YoonGi is drunk and stumbling by an empty construction site when he recognizes a clumsy piano tune that he’d been playing “not long ago.” But when he runs to the music shop and finds JungKook, the text does not indicate that he remembers this is his second visit to the shop this evening. Additionally, the Wings short film First Love seems to reference some of the events of this night—or evokes YoonGi’s distorted memories of it, mingled with a representation of JungKook’s later accident.)

In the present (11 April), JungKook wonders if YoonGi is doing well. He has thought about him since their chance encounter but doesn’t have the courage to call him first. (The narrative paths rejoin here.) JungKook wonders where he should go now yet doesn’t want to think about anything. He stops in the middle of the road, and a passing car’s headlights make him dizzy. SeokJin arrives in the distance and shouts his name, but JungKook just thinks, “One more step from here. Just one more step, and everything ends.” He steps in front of the honking car. SeokJin calls him in the distance, and JungKook feels everything slip farther away. The glass shatters and the loop resets.

Awakening once more on the morning of 11 April, SeokJin vows to protect JungKook until the end. The memory of arriving too late as JungKook threw himself in front of the car reminds him of how he was also unable to protect his childhood friend when he was 9. He needs to devise a new plan, since JungKook practically ran out of the house when confronted by Kim ChangJun. The story cuts to that evening, with JungKook looking at the photo in SeokJin’s bedroom. This time, SeokJin ignores his phone’s buzzing reminder about Songho Foundation’s inaugural ceremony. He asks JungKook where he’d like to get next and, when he doesn’t have any ideas, offers him a tour of the university campus.

JungKook seems happier looking around the campus, the cherry blossoms in full bloom. SeokJin uses this opportunity to ask him if anything is on his mind and if school is going well. JungKook answers nonchalantly, but SeokJin remembers how grim he looked at the school crosswalk that afternoon. He asks if JungKook still hangs out with the other guys. “HoSeok and TaeHyung are working part-time jobs. The others… I’m not sure,” JungKook answers, expression darkening. SeokJin wonders if he shouldn’t have brought it up but still presses him. “How come? You should talk to them from time to time.” “But it’s because of me,” says JungKook. “The reason why YoonGi was expelled… It was because he was trying to protect me.”

SeokJin either responds “It’s not your fault” or “Don’t think that way.” Following the first choice, JungKook insists, “No, it’s my fault. YoonGi wouldn’t have talked back to the teacher if I wasn’t there.” SeokJin shakes his head. “No, you couldn’t really do anything given the situation.” JungKook replies that he should have at least apologized and that he never had the chance to tell YoonGi he was sorry. “That’s how you felt, huh… I should’ve done more. I’m sorry,” SeokJin apologizes. JungKook shakes his head with a smile, but SeokJin knows that he doesn’t understand what he really meant. (Per events in The Notes 1, it is technically SeokJin’s fault that the teacher found them in the classroom.) If the second dialogue choice, “Don’t think that way,” is chosen, JungKook questions, “How could I? When it was because of me.” “No…” SeokJin is not brave enough to say that he’s the one to blame. The camera (i.e. the animation) starts wobbling as though SeokJin’s vision is swimming. “SeokJin?” asks JungKook in concern. “I should’ve done more. I’m sorry.” The episode ends with the same dialogue and animation of JungKook shaking his head with a smile, except that in the second path the camera is still wobbling from SeokJin’s perspective. (This is the only episode I noted in the game that has a slight difference in endings based on the player’s final choice, although it is essentially cosmetic.)

Episode 5 opens with a more detailed memory of 11 June Year 20 from JungKook’s perspective. The high school was holding an open house for parents. Not wanting to stay in a classroom, he wandered off and heard piano music drifting from the annex. JungKook slipped into their classroom hideout and settled down to listen. YoonGi continued to play without acknowledging him. The music helped calm JungKook—it seemed as though YoonGi understood how he felt and was trying to console him. The sound cut off abruptly as the door slammed open. “You rascals! What are you doing here?!” the Dean of Students demanded. He slapped JungKook, knocking him down. A flurry of verbal abuse poured over his crumpled form. YoonGi shoved the teacher’s shoulder and stepped in front of JungKook. “Wow, look at this kid… You put your hands on a teacher? You better be prepared, Min YoonGi.” With that ominous threat, the Dean departed. JungKook spoke from the floor. “Hey, sorry for making you—” “It’s nothing,” YoonGi cut in. JungKook wondered why he helped him. It was the first time someone had protected him, and he believed that he would never forget the view of YoonGi’s back. YoonGi asked why JungKook was smiling. “I don’t know.” Still smiling, JungKook touched his throbbing cheek. YoonGi stared at him before breaking into his own smile and sitting down next to him. They sat there wordlessly for some time. The feeling of growing closer to YoonGi made JungKook feel giddy the rest of the day. But YoonGi did not come to school the following day, and two weeks later, he was formally expelled. (The encounter with the teacher and YoonGi’s subsequent expulsion are also referenced in JungKook and YoonGi’s 25 June Year 20 entries in The Notes 1.)

In a brief interlude in the present (11 April at the university campus), SeokJin reflects again that he does not have the courage to confess to JungKook the real reason why they drifted apart. He walks with his eyes trained on the ground until JungKook calls for him to look at the cherry blossoms floating in the wind. The scene cuts to 30 September Year 20 for another of JungKook’s school memories. He stood outside the school’s annex, reflecting that his friends probably didn’t know that he went there every day. Although school was a place he found awkward and unfamiliar, their hideout was a space for him that put him at ease. On that day however, only HoSeok was inside the classroom, gathering up the items they’d left behind. JungKook realized that the time they spent together was now a memory and would never return again. (This is also an entry in The Notes 1.) Back in the present, SeokJin notices that JungKook looks grim once more and tries to improve his mood by asking if they should go to the beach. JungKook privately wonders: “Do you think YoonGi would go? And no one knows what’s going on with JiMin. Will we really be able to go together like we did then?” Holding up his pink camera, SeokJin says they should take a picture to commemorate the evening. They’re both smiling in the photo, and he hopes that they’ll all smile together again one day. After their campus tour, SeokJin walks JungKook home, ignoring the many calls he receives from his father’s assistant JunHo.

At the crosswalk outside the high school the next day (12 April), SeokJin reflects that staying with JungKook instead of attending the inauguration ceremony seemed like a good choice. He prevented JungKook from jumping off the building and stopped NamJoon’s incident too. But SeokJin wants to keep an eye on JungKook for a few days. While he’s waiting, the principal Jo JinMyung approaches and greets him, asking what brings him to the school. SeokJin tries to excuse himself, but the principal brings up the ceremony. “I thought you’d be there, but you weren’t. Did something happen? Why weren’t you there?” Caught off guard, SeokJin either answers vaguely (“I had something important to do”) or honestly (“A friend had an emergency and I couldn’t attend”). JungKook joins them slowly during the exchange, and the principal seems a little suspicious regardless of the player’s choice. In the “honest” path, he adds, “Next time, think about what's truly important before acting.” The paths rejoin when the principal smiles pointedly and mentions that he should call the Assemblyman soon. SeokJin wonders if Jo JinMyung intends to tell his father that he was with JungKook. Kim ChangJun did not approve of the time SeokJin spent with his friends even in school. “Father thinks it’s useless to have human relationships that don’t help you succeed.” When he and JungKook are in his car, SeokJin notices that the principal ominously watches them pull away.

Later that day, SeokJin meets with his father in his office. Kim ChangJun looks exhausted. Though they’re similar heights, to his son he seems like a massive grey wall. “Why didn’t you attend the inauguration ceremony yesterday?” he asks. SeokJin either lies (“A professor asked me to do something last minute”) or answers honestly (“A friend had an emergency and I couldn’t attend”). The ultimate result is the same: Kim ChangJun speaks after a long moment of silence. “The one thing I want from you is for you to be a good son.” “Yes,” says SeokJin. “I don’t think it’s a difficult task. You may leave.” As he exits, SeokJin hears him call Song JunHo and worries that his flimsy excuse will fall apart. Running into the principal may have made matters worse too. Despite his uneasiness, SeokJin has no choice but to keep going and trust that everything will work out. While NamJoon and JungKook are safe for now, he wonders if he can be a person for JungKook to lean on for comfort whenever he needs it so that he will not resort to such an extreme decision again.

SeokJin visits JungKook after school every afternoon the following days. On 15 April, JungKook asks if it’s okay for him to come like this every day. SeokJin assures him, “Yeah. I come to see you because I want to.” He observes that JungKook still seems to take social cues from him rather than acting comfortably, so he encourages him to either pick what they do next or where they should go eat. On 19 April, however, JungKook does not appear at the school gates. SeokJin tries calling him, only to learn that the number isn’t in service. Someone shouts his name, and HoSeok emerges from the Twostar Burger across from the school. “I had heard you were back, but I didn’t think I’d see you here in front of the school.” HoSeok digs a piece of paper out of his pocket, explaining that JungKook stopped by earlier. “He said he’s switching schools.” SeokJin asks where, but HoSeok doesn’t know. This has never happened before in a loop, and SeokJin wonders if he caused it. HoSeok hands over the paper, which JungKook requested be given to SeokJin. It’s a drawing of the cherry blossom tree they saw together, with a thank you note written at the bottom. SeokJin hopes that his suspicions aren’t correct.

Hunting for clues to JungKook’s whereabouts, SeokJin visits Jeil High School’s administrative office the next day (20 April). He receives slightly more information if he acts like he knows the Director of Administration, but as the student records are confidential, the man only reveals that JungKook transferred to a boarding school. On 30 April, SeokJin is summoned to his father’s office. Kim ChangJun asks him to sit down and continues speaking with his aide, Song JunHo. He confirms an upcoming appointment with the Deputy Mayor before asking, “Oh, did you take care of that incident?” “Yes. Do you mean the one concerning the Jeil High student?” JunHo responds. “I’ve taken care of the issue with the student.” Heart racing, SeokJin realizes that his father was behind JungKook’s transfer and deliberately let it slip as a warning to him. On their way out, Uncle JunHo adds, “SeokJin. You do know how difficult it was because you didn’t attend the inauguration, right?” SeokJin promises that he’ll be at the next meeting. Back in his bedroom, he decides that he made the wrong choice in this loop. He wanted to be someone JungKook could always come to, but instead he pushed him farther away. HoSeok calls him at that moment. Voice wavering, he relays that JungKook has disappeared. Some of his classmates stopped by the restaurant that day, inquiring if anyone talks to him often.

The story cuts back to 25 April with JungKook in class at his new school. His mom likes the dormitory here, and he suspects that she feels more comfortable without him at home. School, home, the dorms—he doesn’t belong in any of those places. While pairing up the students, the teacher notices that they have an odd number now and asks JungKook where he wants to go. He closes his eyes and remembers a voice: “JungKook, let’s all go to the ocean.” He thinks, “I want to go…” The scene jumps to JungKook walking towards the ocean shore. The glass shatters.

SeokJin opens his eyes on the morning of 11 April. He wonders what caused the loop to reset and assumes something must have happened to JungKook after he transferred schools. Again, he could not keep his promise of getting them all to the ocean. The episode ends with SeokJin sitting atop the seaside observatory at sunset. (This is a key location on 22 May Year 22, recurring in The Notes and depicted in the HYYH On Stage: Prologue short film and Euphoria MV. It looks the same in the game.) SeokJin ruminates on what may have happened to JungKook and where events started going wrong. He thought he could be the person JungKook needed to lean on, but he failed. This arc concludes with him wondering: “Was my method wrong? Or is it not supposed to be me? Maybe… If the person who’s supposed to console JungKook’s scars and be there for him isn’t me… Then, who can save JungKook?”

The End of His Gaze

SeokJin’s main challenge in saving YoonGi is the unpredictability of his actions between loops. The opening of this story is no different. On 2 May Year 22, SeokJin chases YoonGi after he leaves his workroom with a heavy bag but loses sight of him in the streets. As soon as he picks the nearest motel, black smoke pours from one of its windows. (The sign matches the motel in YoonGi’s scenes of the I Need U MV.) YoonGi ignores the commotion outside the room’s locked door. Once again, SeokJin is too late, and the glass shatters, resetting the loop.

Waking in his bedroom on 11 April, SeokJin considers how YoonGi backs himself into a corner no matter how or when he tries to intervene. It’s different from the incident with NamJoon because no outside person or situation is involved. SeokJin realizes that if YoonGi’s struggle and variables that make his decision so unpredictable are within him, then the only way he can stop YoonGi is by truly understanding him. He takes out his old camcorder from high school, hoping its footage may reveal some clues. In the first video clip he plays, YoonGi is off in the corner of their classroom hideout drawing music staves but speaks up to tell HoSeok and TaeHyung not to play a prank on JiMin. SeokJin wonders if YoonGi still writes music and remembers the piano in his workroom. In the second video, TaeHyung quibbles with NamJoon, who is tired yet refuses to take a nap until YoonGi pushes some desks together and tells him to lie down. SeokJin focuses on YoonGi for the rest of the video, but he is either motionless or off camera. He finds a similar challenge within his photographs: he has less than ten solo photos of YoonGi, and though his face is visible in group pictures, he is never looking at the camera. Still perusing the photos, SeokJin overhears voices from the camcorder. “It being here is a secret. Okay?” TaeHyung whispers to YoonGi. “What’s a secret?” SeokJin in the recording asks. TaeHyung and YoonGi, standing by the piano, both whip around. TaeHyung dismisses it as nothing and shushes YoonGi when he asks, “Why are you hiding something like that?” In the present, SeokJin wonders what they hid in the classroom and decides that it’s worth investigating in case it can help him save YoonGi.

On 15 April, SeokJin visits their old classroom hideout at Jeil High School, which is still being used as a storage room. The player can choose from a total of four locations to explore, provided they select the piano last. SeokJin identifies his father’s name alongside the message “Everything started from here” on the graffitied wall (he first saw this note in his 25 June Year 19 entry from The Notes 1). Even after thoroughly examining the piano, he does not find YoonGi and TaeHyung’s secret or anything else useful. Uneasy at leaving YoonGi alone for so long, SeokJin leaves the school and parks in front of his friend’s workroom. YoonGi appears to be safely inside, so SeokJin browses through the old video files on his camcorder and finds one that continued recording after he thought he had pressed the stop button. Listening to his and YoonGi’s voices, he recalls a forgotten memory of the day they walked out of school together.

The majority of episode 3 plays through a memory of an afternoon that SeokJin and YoonGi walked out of school together (date unspecified; this event is also referenced in YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry from The Notes 2 and the similar Note accompanying Map of the Soul: 7). SeokJin receives a text summoning him to the principal’s office. The office is empty yet suffocating when he arrives. Principal Jo JinMyung arrives and apologizes for making SeokJin wait. SeokJin looks down, heart suddenly heavy. The scene cuts to YoonGi entering the storage classroom as he thinks about all the days he doesn’t feel like going home. It’s not a comfortable place for him, yet there’s nothing for him at the school either, except for the group’s hideout. He feels awkward in the oddly quiet room and puts some sheet music on the piano’s rack. But when he thinks about how no one is there requesting songs from him, he can’t bring his hands up to the keys. The flashback transitions back to SeokJin’s perspective following his meeting with the principal. As expected, the principal wanted him to report on YoonGi’s behavior. SeokJin spoke carefully so as not to tip him off about anything, but he hears internal whispers calling himself a hypocrite even when he’s laughing with his friends. Fretting over how much longer he can protect YoonGi, SeokJin runs into him at the classroom hideout’s door. He hopes YoonGi doesn’t notice how flustered he is, but YoonGi doesn’t say anything beyond confirming that he’s heading home. SeokJin tries to strike up a conversation as they walk out together, but the conversation awkwardly fizzles out whether he brings up food or the weather. YoonGi points out that his phone is buzzing, and SeokJin’s camcorder falls from his bag as he looks for it. YoonGi waves him off when SeokJin films him to test that it still works. He sheepishly lowers the camcorder and forgets to turn it off. YoonGi breaks the uncomfortable silence when they are almost across the field. “Is something up? You didn’t look very happy earlier.” Heart pounding, SeokJin tries to laugh off this sharp question with an excuse, but YoonGi stares straight at him. “You’re awkward too, SeokJin.” “What is?” “Your laugh.” YoonGi pauses before continuing, “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?”

The scene fades back to the present in SeokJin’s car (15 April). He can’t make out the rest of their conversation in the recording or remember what he answered. He wonders why YoonGi asked him that. SeokJin was always tense then, afraid that his friends would learn of his meetings with the principal. Did the others notice, too? While he’s lost in these thoughts, someone outside shouts, “Fire!” Flames erupt from YoonGi’s workroom. Realizing he should have focused on YoonGi and not the video, SeokJin runs into the building. As he tries to open the locked door, he hears the glass shatter.

The fourth episode opens on the night of 11 April with SeokJin watching JungKook and YoonGi walk away from the construction site and towards NamJoon’s container. A few days later, SeokJin spots JungKook on the sidewalk on his way to YoonGi’s workroom. When asked where he’s going, JungKook avoids his gaze and replies, “I was just… walking around.” SeokJin knows this is because he has nowhere to go. Not wanting JungKook to keep wandering and remembering that he was once close with YoonGi, SeokJin invites him along. The perspective switches to JungKook as they enter the workroom. It reeks of alcohol, and YoonGi is fast asleep among empty bottles. “YoonGi… will be okay, right?” he asks. SeokJin picks up the bottles without responding. A memory from their school days occurs to JungKook. TaeHyung chased him around their classroom hideout, trying to snatch his sketchbook and succeeding when JungKook found his escape unintentionally blocked by YoonGi standing in the doorway. JungKook was dismayed when YoonGi called TaeHyung over to the piano so they could look at it together, but then YoonGi deceived TaeHyung and threw the sketchbook to JungKook. In the present, SeokJin doesn’t want to waste time while YoonGi sleeps. He taps a lost-in-thought JungKook on the shoulder and says they should leave, but JungKook responds that he will stay until YoonGi wakes.

Back again at the classroom hideout, SeokJin hunts further around the piano. He uses an old mop handle to fish out a piece of paper from underneath it. The hidden secret turns out to be TaeHyung’s abysmal math test. Dejected, SeokJin slumps to the floor. On this level, he notices a small handle on the piano’s lower panel and uses it to pop off the cover. Faded music sheets are wedged into the piano’s frame. A phrase on one of them catches SeokJin’s eye. (함께 라면 웃을 수 있다 : The Korean is not translated in game, but Google translates it as “if we are together, we can laugh.” This recurring phrase is instead translated as “we can laugh when we’re together” in The Notes 2. In YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry, he also reflects on finding the note written in the margins of the music scores he took from the classroom. The handwriting isn’t his own. Additionally, a similar sentiment is expressed in a line of You Never Walk Alone, which is the basis for one of the BU-inspired Graphic Lyrics books.)

This message reminds SeokJin of YoonGi’s question: “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?” “This moment is the answer to that question,” he thinks, initiating a flashback to 20 March Year 19. The boys gathered around HoSeok in the classroom, chattering excitedly about the new club he’s leading. TaeHyung jokingly called him “Mr. President.” HoSeok told him only members could call him that before asking YoonGi if he wanted to join. “I’ll allow you to join without an audition, but only you.” TaeHyung exclaimed that he was just trying to get YoonGi to call him president. “Oh, it was obvious?” HoSeok chuckled. “Acting up again, huh?” YoonGi spoke up from the corner. The memory fades, returning to a pensieve SeokJin. He clearly remembers YoonGi’s face as he laughed with the others. “When did we stop laughing? Did it start that day, when I ruined everything?” SeokJin wonders. “It’s my fault,” he says aloud, standing there with the sheet music in hand until the sun begins to set. (Note: the date of the memory may be a typo. On 20 March Year 20 in The Notes 1, TaeHyung overheard SeokJin in the classroom informing the principal of the trouble he and YoonGi had gotten into. SeokJin realized that NamJoon heard it but not TaeHyung, who remained hidden out of sight and then pretended not to know. It’s not impossible that this memory really occurred in March Year 19, but most of them had only met at the beginning of that month.)

On the night of 15 April, SeokJin follows YoonGi at a distance from his workroom to an alleyway bar. (It is possible but not entirely clear that this is the same day SeokJin found the sheet music at the classroom, which is why I did not specify the date earlier.) It appears that YoonGi visits this bar often since the owner asks him if he has money today. SeokJin sits at a table behind YoonGi and watches him knock back shot after shot. Deciding that he shouldn’t leave him alone any longer, SeokJin musters up the courage to join him. YoonGi doesn’t look surprised to see him. He smiles before looking down again. SeokJin attempts a natural conversation to catch up. YoonGi asks why he didn’t come along the night when everyone got together at NamJoon’s container. “It’s been awhile since we’ve all seen each other, and JungKook… Never mind. You were probably busy.” SeokJin apologizes and inquires how JungKook is doing, then turns the same question on YoonGi when he replies that he doesn’t know. “Anything new with you?” SeokJin presses when YoonGi avoids his gaze. “Well, as you can see.” YoonGi dodges a direct answer.

The restaurant owner brings them a second glass. They are quiet in a restaurant full of chatter. SeokJin brings up the past to break the awkward silence, asking if YoonGi remembers the day they walked out of high school together. “Why do you ask?” says YoonGi. SeokJin explains that he remembered what YoonGi said to him that afternoon. “I want to ask you the same thing you asked me then.” SeokJin is nervous but continues, not wanting to waste this opportunity. “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?” YoonGi is silent for a moment. “Who knows.” SeokJin encourages him to think about it. “What good is it whether I remember or not? It wouldn’t change things now, even if I remembered.” YoonGi’s refusal to express his feelings upsets SeokJin more than his indifferent tone. “I just wish he would open up to me so I could figure out… anything. If only I could tell him,” SeokJin thinks. His internal narration continues over a shot of him in high school looking at his phone: “Or maybe… If I went back further in time, mustering up the courage to protect my friends, and prevented YoonGi from being expelled. If I did, maybe now we’d be…” “What’s with that expression?” YoonGi’s voice snaps him into the present, and he stares at SeokJin the way he had when they walked home from school. “Nothing, just… I feel like it’s been a while since I last saw you and I’m wasting time with useless subjects. It’s nothing—” SeokJin tries to laugh it off, but YoonGi interrupts. “You’re the same as always… There’s something there in your expression, but you say that it’s nothing.” This remark hits hard, rendering SeokJin speechless.

YoonGi’s words echo in SeokJin’s head even after he arrives home later that night. How did YoonGi notice what SeokJin thought he kept well-hidden? He once viewed YoonGi as someone who was indifferent to the world and trying to distance himself from everything. It dawns on SeokJin that he is mistaken. He opens his camcorder, hoping to see something new with this changed perspective. A recording plays in which he, YoonGi, and JungKook are the only ones present in the classroom hideout. When YoonGi starts playing piano, JungKook gets up from the desk and carefully stands by him. YoonGi doesn’t seem bothered and continues to play. Suddenly, he stops. “You wanna try?” In the present, SeokJin wonders why he asks JungKook that out of the blue and replays the footage, feeling like he missed something. This time, he notices that JungKook begins chewing his nails before YoonGi asks him. “Can I?” says JungKook. “Why not? It’s not my piano or anything. You can play if you want to.” At YoonGi’s words, the color returns to JungKook’s face and his hands drop from his mouth. SeokJin watches a little more of the video. As the recorded YoonGi patiently corrects JungKook’s wrong notes, he realizes that YoonGi doesn’t merely ask JungKook to play on a whim but out of respect for him.

SeokJin turns his attention to his box of photos. The player can choose up to three to examine. SeokJin realizes that YoonGi is a little further behind the group and not looking at the camera not because he feels left out or is avoiding attention, but because he is always watching how they are all together. YoonGi knows us very well, he thinks. He stopped JungKook from biting his nails by asking him to play the piano rather than acknowledging it directly. He saw through SeokJin and recognized when his laughter wasn’t genuine, even after several years apart. SeokJin thought that YoonGi wanted to give up everything, would never open up to anyone, and experienced feelings that were impossible for him to understand. “But if we were the ones to make YoonGi laugh… It may be possible to save YoonGi,” SeokJin reflects. With more determination, he vows to save him. “I’ll save him no matter what, because we can laugh when we’re together.”

SeokJin visits YoonGi every day after their meeting at the bar, responding that he’s making time to see him when asked if all university students have this much free time. They grow more accustomed to each other’s company, but SeokJin’s glimmer of hope fades as alcohol and aimless wandering continues to fill YoonGi’s life. Since just visiting YoonGi’s workroom seems meaningless, on 24 April SeokJin decides to show him the sheet music he found in the hideout, hoping it will encourage him to resume songwriting. Upon seeing the music, YoonGi has a flashback to 25 June Year 20, the day he received the school expulsion notice. He ran immediately to the classroom and played the piano as though possessed. The anger refused to settle. He shoved all of his sheet music into the piano and vowed to never play the piano again. In the present, YoonGi asks, “Where’d you find this?” At his cold expression, SeokJin wonders what he’s done wrong and explains aloud that he just happened to find it in the hideout’s piano. The papers fall from YoonGi’s hand, scattering across the floor. “Leave,” he spits. “What? Min YoonGi, what’s going on?” SeokJin asks. YoonGi shoves him. “Just leave.” “Don’t do this, let’s talk for a moment,” SeokJin tries again. But YoonGi replies, “I have nothing to say to you.”

YoonGi avoids him after that. On 25 April, SeokJin calls him numerous times without any answer and finds only torn sheet music and empty bottles in his workroom. He remembers YoonGi’s last words to him and says aloud, “It can’t be. No way.” An ominous thought crosses his mind, but he forces it out to focus on recalling something from memory. The story cuts to him running down a street, trying to figure out where YoonGi went to set the fire in the last loop. (It is never clarified what SeokJin’s “ominous thought” is—it may refer to YoonGi setting a fire or possibly even a suspicion that YoonGi figured out SeokJin was involved in his expulsion.) SeokJin finds the same motel (the one with the sign like in the I Need U MV) and rushes upstairs in a cold sweat. Faced with a hallway of identical doors, he doesn’t know how to locate YoonGi’s room. Whether the player chooses for him to call out to YoonGi or “think of something else” (which results in him pulling the fire alarm), the result is ultimately the same. SeokJin forces open the last closed door with a fire extinguisher, but the room is empty. Filled with regret, SeokJin wonders what he has done wrong. “Like an idiot, I… I knew that the location and method of YoonGi’s attempt could change, and yet…”

“Fire!” someone yells. The motel across the street erupts in flames. “No! Please…” SeokJin begs, falling to his knees. “How can I stop this tragedy? … Am I not enough to stop it?” The story ends as he hears the glass shatter once again.

Additional Thoughts

For me, JungKook’s arc really draws back the curtain on SeokJin’s private life. It demonstrates SeokJin’s challenge to balance saving his friends and maintaining his own daily life, particularly fulfilling the duties that fall to him as a prominent assemblyman’s son. We see little of this side of him until The Notes 2, when his perspective has already drastically changed.

JungKook’s reflection about his habit of walking along the edges of walls is an interesting moment of self-awareness. This “tightrope-walking” is depicted frequently in the MVs.

The car accident and loop reset at the beginning of JungKook’s 4th episode suggests the possibility that the I Need U MV depicts JungKook deliberately stepping in front of the oncoming car rather than accidentally. (Maybe people have already interpreted it this way, but personally the thought had never occured to me due to how it’s shot and acted.) The car accident is a recurring theme in the loops for JungKook, particularly as he is struck the night of 22 May and comes to believe that it was SeokJin who hit him.

This internal dialogue of SeokJin’s from YoonGi’s arc gives me a lot to think about: “If I went back further in time, mustering up the courage to protect my friends, and prevented YoonGi from being expelled. If I did, maybe now we’d be…” SeokJin’s first experiences of the time loops are depicted in the Save Me Webtoon. At that time, he believes that 11 April is the date that he can begin fixing things, but it’s not clear if this ability granted by the cat-like creature truly gives him control over to which date the loop resets. (It is more obvious that he cannot control what triggers the reset itself.) Does he ever go back earlier? Only *ahem* time will tell, but if you want some more food for thought, please check out these interesting quotes that occur before 11 April Year 22.

As mentioned above, the following “tl;dr” commentary summarizes the parenthetical notes I provided in the summaries in case you want to review them on their own.

The Boy on the Threshold — tl;dr commentary

SeokJin’s flashback to 3 March Year 19, when all seven boys arrived late on the first day at Songju Jeil High School and were scolded outside by the Dean, looks very similar to the BTS Begins Middle Scene VCR (aside from the absence of extra students), including the detail of YoonGi arriving last. This VCR predates official BU content.

The photo in SeokJin’s collection that catches JungKook’s eye resembles the shot in the Euphoria MV at 5’32” (the seven boys sitting on a wall with the ocean behind them) except that they appear to be wearing school uniform shirts and slacks.

JungKook’s flashback to the night of 7 April Year 22 expands the context of his reunion with YoonGi, adding that he is drawn to the music shop by a familiar tune and through its broken window sees YoonGi playing piano. YoonGi doesn’t notice him when he staggers outside, and JungKook tries to play the music by memory. In his 7 April Year 22 entry of The Notes 1, YoonGi is drunk and stumbling by an empty construction site when he recognizes a clumsy piano tune that he’d been playing “not long ago.” But when he runs to the music shop and finds JungKook, the text does not indicate that he remembers this is his second visit to the shop this evening. Additionally, the Wings short film First Love seems to reference some of the events of this night—or evokes YoonGi’s distorted memories of it, mingled with a representation of JungKook’s later accident.

I mentioned in part 1’s introduction that every episode’s ending is identical regardless of the decisions made by the player, but the end of episode 4 is actually cosmetically different (a wobbling camera/animation effect) if the second path is selected for the last choice. The dialogue is the same.

The end of episode 7 depicts the seaside observatory. This is a key location on 22 May Year 22, recurring in The Notes and depicted in the HYYH On Stage: Prologue short film and Euphoria MV. It looks the same in the game.

The End of His Gaze — tl;dr commentary

The motel sign at the beginning and end of the story matches the one visible in YoonGi’s shots of the I Need U MV.

When searching the classroom hideout for clues on 15 April, SeokJin identifies his father's name alongside the message “Everything started from here” on the graffitied wall. He first saw this note in his 25 June Year 19 entry from The Notes 1.

Episode 3 presents a memory from both SeokJin’s and YoonGi’s perspectives of the afternoon that they walked out of school together. Although the date is unspecified, this event is also referenced in YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry from The Notes 2 and the similar Note accompanying Map of the Soul: 7.

On his second attempt at searching the classroom, SeokJin finds sheet music that was hidden inside the piano. A phrase written in the corner of one paper catches his eye: 함께 라면 웃을 수 있다. The Korean is not translated in game, but Google translates it as “if we are together, we can laugh.” This recurring phrase is instead translated as “we can laugh when we’re together” in The Notes 2. In YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry, he also reflects on finding the note written in the margins of the music scores he took from the classroom. The handwriting isn’t his own. Additionally, a similar sentiment is expressed in a line of You Never Walk Alone, which is the basis for one of the BU-inspired Graphic Lyrics books.

SeokJin has a flashback of 20 March Year 19 in which the boys are excitedly chattering about HoSeok’s new club. However, given the larger context of this moment (both in the past and what prompts it in the present), the date of the memory may be a typo. On 20 March Year 20 in The Notes 1, TaeHyung overheard SeokJin in the classroom informing the principal of the trouble he and YoonGi had gotten into. SeokJin realized that NamJoon heard it but not TaeHyung, who remained hidden out of sight and then pretended not to know. It’s not impossible that this memory really occurred in March Year 19, but most of them had only met at the beginning of that month.

Did you learn anything new from these stories that I did not specifically mention? Let me know in the replies or tags! Please stay tuned for part 3, featuring JiMin and HoSeok’s stories.

#armiesnet #bangtanarmynet #networkbangtan #armysource #dailybangtan #bts universe #hyyh #bangtan universe #bts universe story #bts universe story highlights #seokjin #jungkook #yoongi #jinkook #yoonkook #yoonjin #bts theories

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darkmindsotome · 3 years

Text

Soap and Sun

Title: Soap and Sun

Fandom: Love365 Masquerade Kiss

Pairing: Yazuru Shiba x MC

Word count: 3,464

Warning: NSFW Smut

Written by: darkmindsotome

Summary: When a long awaited date threatens to derail under the summer sun a spur of the moment idea triggers an even steamer time together than planned.

Tagging @voltage-vixen as requested. Prompt #9: Car Wash Featuring the MC/LI as the Sponge

---

When I thought of summer in London, I hadn’t thought of much else other than spending some quality time with my boyfriend.

He’d been playing the part of visiting lecturer at his old alma mater, Oxford University. His curriculum was well thought out and methodical, just like the man himself. Every time I was been able to catch one it was like attending a sell-out concert. I was always blown away by how he could turn a baffling topic into something easier to understand. In the end, you were never left feeling like you were stupid and it was amazing to watch him in his element. A true genius craftsman with genuine love and passion for his work.

Still, I would have liked to have seen him a bit more than I currently was. Silently chastising myself for the selfishness of that thought I tried to push it aside. I was once more in England and as per our agreement, we were on a date. That alone was enough to re-energise me.

It wasn’t much but we had decided to go for a drive in one of his cherished Bugattis. The sleek lines of it cut through the English countryside like a hot knife through butter. This was the kind of escape he liked. It wasn’t any more rushed than he wanted it to be. Just him, the open road, and his car. I watched with relief from the passenger seat as I could see the layers of stress and fatigue melt away from him.

“Are you sure this is all you wanted to do?” He had his usual blank poker face on as he asked. The only thing giving away how sceptical he was, was his tone.

“Yeah. I enjoy spending time with you Yuzu. I don’t really mind what we are doing as long as we can be together.” The answer came quickly to me and I enjoyed the brief moment where I could see his stoic mask slip and get a glimpse under it.

“You can be very direct at times.” He sighed.

“Does it bother you?” I didn’t candy coat things when talking to him. I had tried that when were first became an item and found out the hard way that subtle approaches would not be to anyone’s benefit in this relationship.

“No.” There was a faint smile on his face whether he was aware of it or not.

A comfortable silence fell over the interior of the car as it twisted and turned down roads that were becoming increasingly more rural and isolated.

“Where are we going anyway?” I decided to break the silence and ask as it had been about twenty minutes now and there was still no clue as to where Yuzu had planned on taking me. When I suggested just going for a drive and he had agreed, I thought he would have a destination in mind, not just aimlessly driving around the rural backroads of England for the afternoon.

“You’ll see when we get there.” I watched his dashing profile my eyes naturally falling to the strong hands the gripped the leather wheel. Those slightly rough calloused fingers I adored and missed so much, flexing against the wheel I was suddenly jealous of. Averting my eyes back to the passing scenery I tried to push away the ideas that would send me into dangerous waters.

Tall old trees lit up with the sun produced a mottled canopy of light as Yuzuru expertly drove his car through a nearly completely hidden entrance from the main road onto a small dirt track. For a car not designed to be an off-roader, the ride was still smooth. I found myself wondering if that was a testament to the Italian engineering or his driving. A smile came naturally to my face and I couldn’t stop it. Before I met Yuzuru the idea of engineering, cars, driving… any of it would have been far from my mind. Now the ideas came to me easily. He really had changed me.

“What is it? You have a grin on your face.” He frowned.

“Am I not allowed to be happy when I’m with you.” I teased watching as his expression relaxed once more.

“As long as it’s only with me. We’re here.”

He stopped the car in a clearing that was right next to the three S’s old school hideout. The shabby little cottage stood there in the overgrown garden looking like something from a fairytale. It was just as I remembered it the first time I saw it with him.

“What happened to ‘no girls allowed'?” I couldn’t help but ask, surprised by his choice of destination.

“You would rather go somewhere else?” He still had the keys to the car in one hand and the handle of the door in the other. He was looking at me with those dark eyes scanning me like code on a screen.

“No, it’s just why here?” I didn’t really have a location for our date in mind I had decided to leave it up to him. That didn’t mean I wasn’t a little shocked by his choice.

“I wanted to show you something. You remember that old failed power supply?” His hand fell from the door allowing it to partly close on us both in the vehicle.

“The hyrdo—” I started to answer only to be cut off.

“Hydraulic turbine.” For some reason, he looked bashful. A man who didn’t show much emotion was looking at me with a faint blush making my heart skip in my chest. “I got it working and I thought- I wanted you to be the first to see it.”

“Really?!” I was stunned.

“I’ve never known someone to get so happy over such things.” He chuckled.

I had assumed he would be showing his success to his two best friends before me. I was perhaps a little too excited to find something where I topped the list of people ahead of Kazuomi or Kei when it came to Yuzuru and his work.

“You’re one to talk Mr Space Screws.” I tried to distract from my over the top reaction by childishly reminding him of when he got so passionately attached to something it nearly ruined a date.

“True. Come on it's over here.” My childish retort didn’t work. He didn’t react to it at all and simply nodded accepting what I said as the facts they were and exited the car leaving me to scramble behind him to catch up.

A small waterway near the rear of the cottage was sparkling in the sunlight. The fresh clear water was turning the fossil-like shell structure I had seen on my last visit. Watching it spinning it looked even more amazing than before.

What once could have been little more than a garden sculpture was now functioning. Scooping up water and cascading it between its two halves speeding it up and pushing it out in a strong even flow.

“I can’t believe you got it to work.” I was mesmerised watching the two halves turning the craftsmanship of the original I had seen had been adjusted to something more streamlined and very much in keeping with the minimalist nature of its creator.

“It wasn’t easy. The stream here isn’t very large so I had to calculate the flow rate and adjust the design to accommodate it. Amping up the flow inside the device allows for more energy to be produced and stored so power is produced. Then there was customising the old generator for the cottage to take the charge and convert it for use.” He was explaining and becoming the animated Yuzu I remembered. He was a man typically of few words but give him a topic he loved then his passion would allow him to ramble on for hours.

“It’s wonderful.” The words barely left my mouth before the spinning shells in front of us gave an ear-piercing shriek and ground to a halt. “What happened?”

“I think one of the bolts might have slipped its casing. Or maybe…” Yuzuru was already moving from my side towards his creation before pausing to look back at me his posture slumping as he mentally chastised himself for losing focus on our date. “Sorry, I-”

“It’s fine. You want me to go make a cup of coffee while you figure it out?”

With my reassurance that I accepted his desire to correct the problem he nodded and fell silent. It might not be how I wanted the day to play out but this was the man I loved and it wasn’t like we weren’t together. Draping his jacket over a nearby branch as he bent over his invention inspecting it.

His passion came with an extreme immersive focus. It was one of the things I found endearing about him. How he showed me glimpses of himself where his guard dropped. This was Yuzu in his element. The kid in the candy store. I went inside the cottage removing the door key from its hiding spot under a planter.

Time ticked by the hours of the sun passing with every stroke of the hand on the clock. It might be a part of him I was used to by now but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t a little bored. Exercising to kill time in this heat was not my idea of fun. Still, my body felt kind of itchy wanting to move. I was washing up the cups when my eyes fell on the Bugatti parked outside and I had an idea.

Yuzuru normally paid a valet to clean it. Maintaining its showroom condition was something of a source of pride to him as an owner. It couldn’t hurt to give it a little wipe down myself right? I could get rid of the dust on it and cool off in the process.

The lukewarm water swayed in the bucket as I carried it outside. I had found a new sponge and even some car shampoo in a cupboard. It was several years old but it was going to be better than trying to use dish soap.

I hooked my hair up high at the back and pinned it there with a couple of chopsticks I found in a draw in the kitchen. I’d already abandoned my dress in favour of a pair of shorts and a t-shirt I found in Yuzu’s old bedroom. I had to pull the drawstring at the waist to get the shorts to fit and the shirt was massive. Rolling the hem, I knotted it at the back turning it into a makeshift crop top. Happy with the adjustments to my wardrobe I plunged my hands into the bucket and got to work.

The soap lathered quickly oozing between my fingers as I squished the sponge and carried it over to the car.

It took some time but the turbine was once more turning freely and working. He frowned as he looked at his watch, thankful for its water resistance and realising how much time had passed. This was supposed to be a date and here he was once more lost in his own world. As he walked back to the cottage, he only hoped Mc hadn’t gotten so bored with him that she’d left.

Musing over the fact that he wouldn’t blame her if that was the case he stumbled upon a rare sight and his heart skipped such a beat it felt like it had landed in his throat. Mc dressed in his old school gym gear, his car and one of the most dazzling impromptu foam parties he’d ever thank a God for providing.

For all the fact it wasn’t the first time I’d ever washed a car before I still forgot how hard it was to reach all the parts of the roof. No matter how hard I stretched I kept coming in contact with the side of the wet soapy Bugatti and not actually reaching the missing points on the roof with my outstretched hand and sponge.

It wasn’t until a hand enveloped mine taking the sponge from it that I even noticed Yuzu was back.

“What are you doing?” His question felt absurd so I decided to joke.

“Hunting elephants.” I tried to turn only to find myself pinned to the side of the car by him. His tall frame easily overpowering me. “I’ll ask you the same what are you doing?”

“I thought you were trying to tempt me. I’m just playing along.” His mouth was hovering near my ear and the grip on my hip was flexing like his hands had done before on the steering wheel. Large strong hands began kneading at my body like it was pasta dough.

Shamelessly I went limp against him. The weather was too hot for me to bother thinking of fighting back as usual. Our little games of cat and mouse we both enjoyed was a distant idea for another day. I let his hand travel further round to the ties at my waist, those skilled fingers loosening the shorts with ease.

All the time I remained “helplessly” pinned to the car by his body and his other hand sliding up my arm and pulling the chopsticks from my hair letting it tumble free.

“So compliant. That’s not like you at all.” He gave a dark chuckle that sent a chill down my spine. I couldn’t let that go and turned to give him a piece of my mind.

“I’ll have you know I--” Words died the instant I met that dry ice gaze. His dark eyes were an inky black reflecting only me and all hope I had of putting up a front with him melted in that passionate heat.

“You what?” He held me frozen in place that smirk on his lips felt very like him at a time like this. Yuzu always became a tease when things were taking a steamy turn. “You know you missed several spots?”

He pulled back his heat leaving me feeling the cool, dampness of the clothes I was standing in. I felt my body betray me with a whimper I barely silenced.

“I can’t reach all of it.” I knew I was pouting but right now this had been the closest contact we had had in a while and I was far from wanting to play coy. “Can you help me?”

Holding out the sponge to him I gave it a squeeze letting the suds run across my skin and smiled watching his adam’s apple bob under that thin infuriating turtleneck of his. Without a word he pulled his top off exposing that mass of well-toned muscle and lean physique, he worked hard to maintain with his demanding job. It was my turn for my throat to go dry as he took the sponge and loaded it with soapy water from the bucket.

“Come here.” His command had me moving automatically and I watched him slap the wet sponge on the bonnet of the car. “Take it.” I did as I was told only to feel my body pulled back by my hips. “I said take it.”

“I’m trying but you’re not helping.” My complaint was indignant but still playful. His hands were running over my thighs delving into the fabric of the shorts from below pushing them higher exposing more of my legs to the world.

“I can’t help until I see where you need my help.” His breath was like a vapour at this point. His body was burning up and I could feel the pressure of his desire against me. My grip on the sponge grew limp all I wanted was to be with him now the car be damned. “What giving up before the job is done? That isn’t like you.”

“Mmm, Yuzu.” I ignored how in control he was and was willing to blame the heat of the day for the fire swelling inside me and how I rubbed my ass purposely against him. It was an invitation he was all too willing to answer.

In a flash, my arms were pushed high over my head the water of the sponge ran in a river over the bonnet soaking through my shirt between my breasts. His hands removed the shorts and underwear in one fast motion like he was removing a band-aid. Even with the lack of breeze outside, I shuddered at the exposure.

With one hand reaching down to burry his fingers inside me he used the other to reach up over me taking the sponge and pushing it around me. The wet sounds from me and the squelch of the sponge in my ears had me squirming under him. The different places the water touched on my skin felt like he was running his tongue all over me and I arched my body into his firm chest as he covered me.

“I don’t think this is going to cut it.” He denounced the sponge. holding it high over my back and squeezing it dry over my exposed skin before tossing it from the car and flipped me over. My body felt limp in the heat but I managed to remove the painful knot of the wet fabric at my back and hitch myself up a little higher on the car so I was at a better angle.

He let out an appreciative guttural moan that sounded far more animalistic than usual.

“You like cleaning the car then huh?” I teased with what was left of my composure.

Yuzu moved to between my thighs soundlessly and dragged his hot tongue in a long slow swipe through my folds. I tilted my head back blinded by the bright sun and in total disbelief that we were even doing this. When had I become so into sex that this was my life? Did I care? I glanced down and was met with his eyes staring at me from over my pubic mound. He sucked on that bundle of nerves and gave me a little nip on the inside of my thigh.

“What are you thinking?” He asked as he played with his fingers inside me. Scissoring them moving both fast and slow.

“Y-you. I was t-t-thinking about you Yuzu.”

My reply had him smiling and he then removed his hand and grabbed both my ankles dragging me down the slippery metal towards him.

“You know one of the best things about cleaning a car?” I was stunned speechless. There was something devilish about him that I didn’t see often. He was always passionate with an endless sex drive but this was new. He leaned over me his face in front of mine blocking out the sun making it hard to see him. “It’s the getting it dirty to start with.”

Before my eyes could adjust to see him clearly I felt a familiar suffocating pressure from below as he filled me up with his length. With every roll of his hips, it had me bouncing against the bonnet. The water trapped under me foamed with the fabric of my shirt and moved me around in unpredictable ways. The even rhythm from him coupled with my body's unrulily movements thanks to the lubrication of the soap on the car had me reaching the edge faster than normal.

“Ah! Yuzu… I … I’m so close.”

He seemed to speed up and target all the parts of my body he knew I liked. Thanks to the clinging shirt, my nipples were clearly visible and found their way into his mouth where he nipped at them with his teeth. He used his mouth to cover the exposed patches of my torso playing a game of hide and seek with the wet fabric driving my mind further to oblivion.

Right when I thought I was going to reach my limit, he stopped. He left himself inside me but refused to move. I mewed and looked up at him. He was panting, sweat dripping over him. I tried to move my own hips to get more but he just remained still looking at me.

“Yuzu?” I was confused. Why had he stopped?

“I love you Mc.” His confession was quiet but touched my heart as clearly as if he had screamed it.

“I love you too Yuzu.”

“I know.” He picked up the movement as if he had never stopped. The devilish smile on his face replaced by an erotic pleasure mask that had my own heart soaring.

Under the summer sky in an isolated part of the English countryside, we connected over and over again. Our cries and moans melting into the nature surrounding us. Our love and passion driving us forward burning hotter than the sun long after it had set.

---

#summer of smut #summer of smut content creation challenge

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focusrealtyblog-blog · 5 years

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Emaar Digihomes Luxury Digital Homes Made for Life- In today smart Environment unseen technology is hard at work making our life simpler easier and more effective with the help of New age digital Tools. The Last miles of digital integration with the world are intelligently enabled homes which may seem like a luxury today but is the reality of Tomorrow.

#emaar digihomes #sector 62 gurgaon #residential apartments #luxury property #ultra luxury property #interior design #flat for sale #property in gurgaon #mater bedroom #modular kitchen #servant room #kids room #real estate #focus realty

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foryouandbits · 4 years

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So I was thinking in the shower this morning about Jack (because that’s what I do, apparently), and I remember when the new Queer Eye first came on and was a big deal, a lot of people were saying how desperately Jack needed it. Even Ngozi wrote something about it (although I do not know if it is public or not - if so, someone link it for me). But as I was thinking, I realized, you know what? Jack doesn’t really need it.

GROOMING

Let’s be honest, once he cut the boy band bangs, he’s looking HOT. He’s clean, sweaty when appropriate, and only lets his beard grow out for hockey-related reasons.

FOOD & WINE

Jack knows what’s up. Just because he still likes his protein shakes doesn’t mean he can’t cook. He’s an athlete. Protein shakes are important. He and Bitty made a fucking cassoulet together. In Huddle 3 he lists baking with Bittle as one of his favorite things (among others AHEM).

FASHION

Okay, listen. Jack knows how to dress. His mother was a model. He, like most NHL players, has a stylist. It’s just that he prefers comfort, and has emotional attachment to some things (he loves his team and his alma mater), so yes half his wardrobe is Falcs and Samwell gear paired with work out clothes. But fuck if the other half of his wardrobe isn’t SEXY. When it comes down to it, if it’s important, he knows how to look good. After Bitty’s a big deal in the cooking world, he asks Jack to dress nice for an important event, and RIP Bitty because Jack comes out of that bedroom looking like a goddamn runway model. Yes the yellow shoes are ridiculous, but once he sees the look on Bitty’s face the first time he wears them, he vows to keep them in his collection forever.

INTERIOR DESIGN

Jack’s apartment is actually hella awesome? I mean if I look at my house, it’s a disjointed barely put together bunch of garbage. Jack has a nice apartment that is decorated appropriately. He probably had some help, yeah, but the rabbit salt shakers? The paintings? The glass-front cabinets? Maybe throw in a few house plants or whatever, but I think he’s just fine.

CULTURE

I’d say of the 5 areas, this is probably the one where Jack could use the most help, but even saying that, he’s come a long way. That speech at the proposal is the most open he’s ever been (in front of us, anyway), but even so, according to Bitty he’s like that all the time. I think Jack in general could use a therapist if he doesn’t already have one. BUT the theme is “culture” and, well, you know the boy needs some help with his pop culture. I think the Jack Zimmermann episode is 5 minutes of Tan throwing yellow sneakers out the window and 55 minutes of Kamaro catching Jack up on 25 years of pop culture references.

#omgcp #jack zimmermann #queer eye for the bi guy

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byunicide · 5 years

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Soulmates? Friends?

MASTERLIST

Soulmate! Byun Baekhyun AU

ANGST

“The moment you both knew you were soulmates, you didn’t know what you both were supposed to be. Were you going to fall in love with each other like most soulmates end up to be? Were you both meant to be enemies? Or were you and Baekhyun just meant to be friends?”

They said finding your soulmate would change your life entirely. They said, finding your soulmate is like finding a missing piece of yourself. Meeting them would make you feel complete. They didn’t mention that not all soulmates are bound to become lovers. They didn’t mention that not all soulmates fall in love, marry each other, have kids, and then live happily ever after. Some soulmates tend to be just friends, some even enemies. But the thing is, no mater what kind of connection you have with your soulmate, it’s impossible to leave them behind. It’s impossible to forget about them, to not have them in your life. Your soulmate must always be there, no matter what type of relationship you both have.

Although it was said to be rare, during this time, it wasn’t anymore. You knew a handful of people in your life who had a different approach to the whole soulmate thing other than the romantic kind of love. You knew someone who has quite the problematic relationship with his own soulmate, and also someone who’s platonically just friends with her soulmate. That was exactly your case, but it wasn’t any of the kinds mentioned. You didn’t even know what to call your relationship with your soulmate. You weren’t friends, but you weren’t enemies either.

It was sometime before spring break when you knew who he was.

By the time people turned eighteen, their wrists would be embedded with a soul mark, each different from the others, but all designed intricately minimal that you found it almost pretty. Yours was a single, long line running down your wrist for almost five inches, and a single circle intercepting in the middle, looking like a loop in a hole. The line was a simple black, while the circle was a beautiful, metallic gold. It was simple, but it looked beautiful enough for you.

Now, you weren’t one to believe in all the falling-in-love-after-finding-your-soulmate bullshit, since you never liked to force love upon anyone. You always minded others before yourself it could hurt you. To say that you didn’t expect it to be him was an understatement. You were beyond shocked that it was him. It seemed very unlikely, since you have seen him many times in the three years you have been studying in university yet your mark never heated up, never told you that it was him. It was then you learned that you were both supposed to touch, to feel each other. By then, you would be able to know it.

Byun Baekhyun liked wearing sweaters and hoodies most of the time, allowing the clothing to cover up his mark. For all the times he didn’t— well, you just weren’t close enough with him to know. You majored in architecture while he was majoring in psychology. He was going to become a doctor, and relishing over this fact made you even more embarrassed to approach him. Not to mention that he used to play for the university’s football team, but ended up quitting to focus more on his studies. He was still part of their group, though, so he was basically unreachable. You only had one math class with him once, but you didn’t have enough chances or didn’t care enough to talk to him before you changed your schedule because you were more of a morning person, while he wasn’t.

It was during Park Chanyeol, the music major’s party, when you and him touched for the first time. He was good friends with Chanyeol, while Oh Sehun was your brother, someone pretty much close to them too because he’s a swimming athlete. You’re close with your brother, who majored in Engineering (which confused you as to how he became friends with a music major but it all came down to the the fact that they were both athletes), but then, you didn’t care much about who he hung out with. It was one of the rare occassions when you would attend a frat party, because Sehun forced you to go since you both wouldn’t be able to come home this break, and truth to be told, you needed the fun. Working on that last project made you exhausted to hell and back, and the party would be the next best thing to sleeping the whole break away. And how else would you ever be able to meet your soulmate if you just lied in bed all day, right? You were already past twenty, you figured you must start looking for your significant other now.

When you met him, he wasn’t wearing his usual hoodies but was dressed in a silky blouse tucked into some jeans. Back then you didn’t know why you were always drawn to him and his presence, and only thought that maybe it was because he has that kind of captivating aura around him. Not the kind of intimidating aura your brother has, or the seductive aura your best friend Kim Jongin has, but the kind of mischievous but cool aura around him which made everyone want to become friends with him. He was funny, friendly, and charming. He flirted with everyone who flirted with him first, but never went too far to let them assume they had a chance with him. You didn’t really think he’s been with someone else lately, though, which made you a little happy inside. He was just a happy crush, you guessed. But when Sehun introduced you to Chanyeol and then to Baekhyun, you weren’t so sure anymore. By the time your calloused hands left Chanyeol’s and held his own soft ones in turn, you felt his hand immediately tighten, and then suddenly you broke free of his hold and winced at the slight pain at your wrist. You were both wide-eyed, as well as the two tall spectators at your side, and then one moment you were stunned, and then the next you found yourself being dragged to a locked bedroom, the sound of the party muffled outside. You learned that it was Baekhyun who led you inside, his eyes a little confused, unsure if he was supposed to be happy or disappointed. You were sure your own expression mirrored his. You held your wrist firmly as you stood awkwardly by the door, while he was seated at the edge of the bed, looking down at the reddened skin of his arm.

You thought about what’s happening too quickly, you surprised yourself. You had a plan, for when you met your soulmate and didn’t know what to do. “I— um, you know, we don’t have to—" But you were suddenly cut off when he stood abruptly from the bed, the sheets rustling as he approached you and you gulped. He was too near, you saw the entirety of his face for the first time and felt his breath hitting your trembling lips. You were nervous, and so was he. It wasn’t intentional, but you just knew how he felt, somehow. “I’m Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun.” He introduced, a close-lipped smile gracing his lips. “I know,” you replied breathily, “Sehun introduced us downstairs.” You had no idea if you sounded a little harsh or not, but he didn’t seem to care. “Right,” he replied, “That’s why we’re here, in the first place.” This time, you wanted to know if he meant that in a bad, I-don’t-have-time-for-this-kind-of-shit way. You smiled, anyway, and decided to pick up from where he cut you off. “We don’t have to try and be together. You know, romantically.” You started, and you knew he didn’t expect you would say that. “Most people always think that soulmates are supposed to fall in love and make things work, but that doesn’t have to happen.” you continued.

This time, he sat back down, and you followed him, the bed dipping with your weight. He was bouncing his legs up and down nervously, and although he refused to meet your eyes, he was listening. “I would hate to force love upon anyone. We could be soulmates in a friendship sense, if you want, we could—" You stopped talking when he whipped his head to look at you, finally, and you took notice of how boyishly handsome he looked, with the bedside lampshade lighting up his face perfectly. He grinned. “ You know, I never expected you to be the type of person who didn’t believe that all soulmates should fall in love.” he spoke, and you nodded shyly. “Well, just so you know, as your soulmate, from now on, I’m always gonna be here for you, as a friend, as an advisor, as a lover— or whatever the fuck soulmates could be.” He laughed, a marvellous sound, and you couldn’t help but laugh with him. “It’s nice to finally meet you, y/n.”

The time after that was when you weren’t sure what to call him as. Were you friends? But you only smiled at each other when passing through the quad or when you coincidentally entered the same coffee shop where he was. An occassional wave would suffice, but other than that, you were both reduced to non-verbal greetings. The only person who would talk to you was Chanyeol, the bubbly, clumsy guy who was easy to be friends with. You couldn’t ignore the pull you felt whenever you saw Baekhyun, though, which explained your glee when Sehun invited you and Jongin to hang out with them one day. Maybe, you could have at least a decent conversation with your supposed soulmate. You really didn’t have any idea why he was so hesitant with you when he’s naturally a charmer. He was supposed to talk your ear off, as Chanyeol described him to be.

You brought your best friend, Jongin, to the local diner Bakehyun’s group hung out at, a dingy place where their other friend Jongdae supposedly worked part-time. Jongin was your best friend ever since you first stepped foot into university and didn’t have enough confidence to make friends. He was an engineering major like Sehun, but unfortunately, being an athlete meant your brother didn’t have enough time to hang out with you. Jongin sparked up a conversation with you, and that’s where your friendship started. He danced, too, but Engineering was his main choice, because he was undoubtedly good at the subject. Jongin was ecstatic when you told him that you found your soulmate, but wasn’t too eager with the fact that the both of you were awkward as hell when you’re supposed to be drawn to each other. But you were, since you assumed Baekhyun’s the only one not drawn to you. Maybe you just weren’t interesting enough for him.

Entering the diner with Jongin in tow, you felt sudden warmth despite the cold air blowing from outside. Baekhyun must have felt it, too, because his head rose from the booths to meet your eyes upon your entrance. He smiled, and Chanyeol beckoned you over loudly. You sat at their booth, Chanyeol and Baekhyun on one side and then you seated between Sehun and Jongin. You introduced Jongin to them, and soon enough, the table was loud with chatters. You were thankful enough that Jongin was good with making conversation. You talked, too, but other than that, there’s an awkward tension between you and Baekhyun. It was like you were both afraid to speak to one another. As if sensing this, Chanyeol eyed the both of you, and you saw him rise a questioning eyebrow at Baekhyun, who only pretended to find the folded napkins a tad bit interesting.

“What’s with you both?” Chanyeol asked, right after Jongdae served all of your food and the table was engulfed in silence. He probably couldn’t take the uncomfortable tension anymore. Jongin elbowed you in the ribs to start talking, but Sehun beat you to it. You were thankful, to say the least. You didn’t know what to say.

“Aren’t you two supposed to flirt and fall in love and ride off into the sunset together? Isn’t that how soulmates work?” Sehun asked, and this time it was your turn to elbow your brother in the ribs. He groaned, and pushed you back softly.

“We’re— um, we’re not like that.” You replied, stuttering a little. Baekyhun had his eyebrows raised, making eye contact with you before looking away just as quickly. Chanyeol looked at his friend, obviously waiting for him to speak.

Baekhyun gulped, before speaking, “Yeah, um, what she said. We’re not romantically involved since we’re obviously not in love with each other, but we’d be there for each other. That’s what soulmates are for, right?.” They all nodded, and maybe that was how you both came to feel comfortable around each other.

Ever since that time, you both quickly became friends, bonding over video games and late night movie marathons. You would also eat out together, go to parties together, or drink at bars together. You were such a good friend to him, and him, to you. But that was it. You both were just friends. You learned too quickly that Baekhyun liked to date, but none of them always worked out. And every single time, he comes to you for comfort, and you gave him just that. You tried to date, too, a boy named Yixing in one of your classes, and although he was exceptionally kind and sweet, you just didn’t feel right. You felt like you were lying not only to Yixing, but to yourself too, somehow. You just didn’t like him enough, because you were falling for your soulmate. And you didn’t like it one bit. Yixing proved to be someone you could break down to, though. He was extremely patient with you and understood your feelings. You told him how unsure you were of what you felt for your soulmate, and he told you that if anything happens, or if you were confused, that you would call him, because he was willing to help. Thank god for Yixing, he was just too good to be true.

Maybe it really had something to do with his charm, why you fell in love with Baekhyun. Almost every single person who came across him never failed to not love him. But you didn’t want to risk losing your friendship with him, so you kept it a secret. No one should know. Nobody has to know.

It was this day of the week when Baekhyun was usually over. His Thursday classes always ended earlier and he would come over to your place to hang out. Even Chanyeol missed having Baekhyun around because he was too comfortable with you. You were like someone he could come home to. Baekhyun knew everything about you, and you knew a lot about him, but he’s not the type to share his feelings with anyone. He usually kept them hidden behind his mishcievous exterior. Maybe he’s just not open enough, maybe he just doesn’t trust you enough, you honestly wondered. Baekhyun came over with raw ingredients and cooked you a meal. This was one of the many things you liked about him. He would cook you food all the time and brag about how he’s loads better than Do Kyungsoo, a supposedly good cook who studied psychology with him. You would assure him every single time that he was better, and he liked it.

You both sat on the couch, watching some random movies when Sehun finally came home. He must have gone from practice since he only yelled out a greeting and retreated to his own bedroom. Your brother still hung out with Baekhyun and his friends, but Sehun liked to remind you all the time how your friendship with Baekhyun was most likely gonna end badly. Yes, you were friends, but would it be considered friendship if only one exerts effort? But you think Baekhyun does, truly, because he cooks for you, sits with you in the empty cafes in the early morning when you needed to finish a draft and he had to study. He defended you one time when someone tried to snarkily ask you who you were to always be seen alongside Baekhyun, lifting both your hands up to show your matching tattoos.

But everybody knew that while you were both soulmates, you weren’t romantically involved together. People were aware that he was very much available to snag because you were both just friends. The thought alone made your heart ache the slightest. Even Jongin said the same thing. While you both were friends, you sacrificed a lot for him while he did the bare minimum with you. You would sacrifice time for studying just to be with him when he needed you, sacrificed time for your family because he needed you and left Sehun to make up all kinds of excuses about your absence for your parents not to get mad. They knew you had a soulmate, but they didn’t know that you both weren’t gonna end up together. Your parents were the strictest pair, impossibly traditional enough to believe that all soulmates were meant to fall in love with each other. You wouldn’t know what they could possibly do to you if they found out.

They couldn’t blame Baekhyun, though, because it was your fault in the first place. You were the one who imposed the concept of just being friends. Of not forcing love upon the other. If you hadn’t spoken, would you have been together with him now? Would life have been easier for you now? You only hoped it would.

The whole duration of the marathon was spent with Baekhyun getting distracted by his phone and you stealing glances at him while paying no attention to the movie. He must have noticed you doing that, but said nothing of it. Was this the friendship you were hoping for with him? You couldn’t help but find that you weren’t sure about what you wanted in life anymore. Your whole world was already trapped around him.

“Did you burn yourself?” You asked him out of nowhere, recalling the particularly nasty burn you felt while he was cooking earlier. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” He apologized, sending you a ridiculous smile enough to make you happy and contented. It's a soulmate thing, feeling what the other is feeling. If he’s hurt, you are, too. If he’s sad, you are, too. This type of soulmate connection is rare. “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not your fault.”

Life, unfortunately, didn’t get better for you. You were on your last year of college, and right now, you’re supposed to focus a lot on studying and getting internships here and there for your future. Baekhyun was offered different internship programs in different hospitals in the city, Sehun was offered to be an intern in your father’s company, while Jongin was set to perform at a major ballet show in just a few week’s time. Even Chanyeol was offered to intern at a famous record label for his production skills. You were also busy, getting a couple of internships with the help of your father. It wasn’t easy for you, since you almost failed the last semester and just about to make up for all the work you have lost. This, you didn’t tell Baekhyun, though. You were there when he needed you, no matter the consequences at your part. You were stupid, and about to get in trouble for that. You considered your time with Baekhyun as special, since even though he didn’t express it, he cared for you. Even as a friend, he cared for you still.

But you were blinded by love, as what Yixing told you one time when you went to meet him. You weren’t supposed to give everything over to him because you loved him. You must also make time for yourself, treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated, and you’re doing everything besides that. You never learned how to say no.

You lost your first internship when he called you to be with him when he ended yet another short term relationship and suggested you spent some time with him at a place nowhere near the city. Sehun was livid, but you reassured him that there were two more left, and you wouldn’t miss them next time. The reason why you lost your second internship was because he needed you when his family broke apart. When his parents had a major fight, threatened a divorce, and forced their sons to make a decision they couldn’t. He was pressured and lonely, but he didn’t know that you were, too. He didn’t care enough to find out about what you’re feeling, where your internship plans are going, or if you’ll even have a decent future after this. When you lost your third internship, it caused a fight between you and your brother. Baekhyun was involved in an accident, when a particularly nasty fight broke out between him and his parents. You couldn’t just leave him. This time, he really needed you.

“When will you ever learn to say no? You can’t always be there for him every single time he calls for you. He could handle himself well, he’s not a child, y/n!” Sehun yelled at you, eyes wide with rage. Jongin was there too, sitting on your couch, saying nothing. He knew Sehun was right. You knew he was, too.

“But he was in an accident, Sehun! He needed me.” You replied, making up excuse after excuse to justify your love for him.

“He’s in a hospital, y/n, he’s being taken care of. You could have just visited him after you finished with your internship!” he yelled. You wanted to cry. You didn’t want things to come to this, didn’t want to throw away your whole life because of this.

“But, but he—“ you started, unable to form words, when Sehun stopped you.

“Why would you throw away your future because of him, ruin your whole life, because of him?” This time, his voice had softened, and you knew he was disappointed. Who wouldn’t, after all the foolish decisions you have made?

“He’s basically my future, Sehun. I need him just as much as he needs me.” You mumbled, almost inaudible if it wasn’t for the deafening silence filling up your apartment.

“He’s not the only future you have, y/n.” Sehun whispered, and that was when it all came crashing down.

He’s not your only future. You were too in love with him to even think about what could happen to you. To your friends, to your family, to your career. You gave and gave and gave, while he gave nothing back to you. He cared for you, he really did, but it was your fault you decided to give everything you had to him. But he didn’t have to know that— he wasn’t supposed to know that.

“I talked to him,” Sehun said, and you stopped crying to look at him. “Baekhyun. I told him about your lost internships, your failing grades, everything you have lost all for him.” Upon hearing this you stood up so quickly, your eyes wide.

“You told him what— Sehun, what the fuck? He’s in the hospital, he’s been through a lot, and you just had to say that to him?” You were angry now. He didn’t need to feel like it’s his fault and blame himself for your ruined future ahead.

“Through a lot? He’s been through a lot? Then what about you? Have you not been through a lot, too, from all the times I heard you crying in your bedroom because of him, missing sleep and meals to work on your projects because of him, or losing all these internships because of him? Not to mention that you’re lying to mom and dad, y/n, because of him! And now they’re gonna find out about all those internships you’ve lost, and I’m afraid I couldn’t make up a single excuse about that anymore.”

Fuming, Sehun left the space of your apartment, leaving you with Jongin who only held you, without saying anything. You knew he agreed with Sehun, but he didn’t tell you.

It was a frenzied series of unreplied messages after that. You tried to reach Baekhyun through apologies in the form of unanswered texts and voicemails since he wouldn’t pick up. You would meet him tomorrow, you needed to tell him it wasn’t his fault at all, that it was yours, and he didn’t have to worry about that. But through countless messages telling him “Please don’t believe a thing Sehun had said, it’s not your fault, it’s mine,” A single text message made your heart stop.

[21:47] FATHER: We have to talk. Come by the office tomorrow morning or I will make sure you wouldn’t have a choice.

Everything is over now, you supposed. Now your parents knew, and they’re going to punish you. You’re gonna have to meet Baekhyun another time. You were sure he listened to all your voicemails by now. He was always one to pick up the phone on the second ring. You smiled sadly. Only if you didn’t love him too much, everything would have been alright.

Meeting your father proved to be the worst day of your life yet. Sehun was there, refusing to acknowledge you as you passed by his desk and entered the gigantic meeting room with your father inside. Your legs were shaking, and your palms were clammy with fear. You didn’t know what to say. Your mother wasn’t present, only your father standing off in the middle of the room, his front against the window and the city several feet below. Your father turned to look at you the moment he felt your presence, and he looked just as disappointed as you imagined him to be, if not more.

“Care to explain, young woman?” He strictly demanded, his voice far from the fatherly voice you used to hear from him. You were such an obedient, skillful daughter. What happened to you?

“It’s just— I’m so sorry, father—“

“Sorry? Young woman, I got these internships for you! So you would lead a better life and have a great future ahead of you, and this is what you do in return?” He roared, coming close that you cowered in fear. “Is this because of him, your soulmate?” he asks, this time quieter, but powerful enough for you to hear him.

“I Iove him, father.” You whispered, tears now cascading freely from your eyes. At this, you felt the stinging feeling of being slapped on the cheek, and your head jerked to the right from the amount of force he used. You gulped, fists clenching so hard your nails almost bruised your skin.

“Stupid, stupid, girl. Does he even love you? If he did, this wouldn’t have happened at all!” He says, giving you another slap, this time, hard enough to render your legs weak as you fell to the floor. He was so, so angry, and you couldn’t do anything besides to just be sorry. But sorry isn’t gonna solve anything at all now, is it?

Your father picked you up from the floor by gripping your arm tight enough to hurt you. Tight enough to leave bruises on your skin to remind you of what you’ve done. “I’m so sorry, father, please—" you begged, because you weren’t about to get hurt again, not by him.

“Father, stop!” It was Sehun, entering the room and holding your father’s hand tightly as it was suspended in the air, about to hit you again. You were full on a sobbing mess now, helpless and unable to do anything but watch. “Father, please.” Sehun begged, until he let go of you, shoving you into your brother’s chest who cradled his arms around your shaking form. Your father didn’t say enough, because he pointed an accusatory finger at you, his face filled to the brim with rage alone.

“You fix this, young woman, or I we will have to do it my way.” He demands, before leaving the room.

You became weak, sinking into the chair as you let your head fall to your palms. You screwed up, and now you didn't know what to do to fix it. You didn't even feel the way Sehun pulled you up to stand, or his suit jacket covering your shivering figure as he led you out to the parking lot. It wasn't even cold, you were just sobbing so hard your eyes stung with how much you cried. You didn't even feel it, when Sehun pushed you gently into the passenger seat of his car, or when he started to drive away. You didn't know where you were going, or where he was taking you, too tuned out to even focus on the streets outside. You struggled to think of a solution, of something you had to do to fix all of this. You didn't want to leave Baekhyun behind. No matter how much he hurt you without even knowing, you somehow didn't want to leave him. It was all your fault. Yours, not his. He didn't deserve to feel otherwise.

You weren't even crying anymore when Sehun halted the car to an abrupt stop. Looking around, you turned to look at him questioningly. He had his eyes trained to the space ahead of him, refusing to look at you. "Why did you bring me here, Sehun?" You asked, your voice cracking as you gazed at the large hospital building towering outside.

"I'm sorry." Sehun said, now looking at you with sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry for what i've said, what i've done— I was just looking out for you, you know? You're my sister, I'm supposed to protect you. I guess I was too angry and acted upon impulse, and I shouldn't have, so I'm sorry." He let out an exasperated breath, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "You have to talk to him." He said, motioning for you to go inside.

"Thank you, Sehun. And I'm sorry, too." You said, before leaving the car and running up the stairs to his room, all too familiar for you to miss.

The smell of alcohol filled your senses as you stood for what felt like the longest time outside his room, contemplating on whether it's a good idea to even meet him right now. Is he mad at you? Does he want to see you again? Does he even want to still be friends with you? With all these thoughts, your hand has already knocked on his door before you could decipher what was happening. Sliding his door open, you first see him sitting up, his back against the propped up hospital bed as he switched to different channels, his face looking surprisingly void of any emotion. When his eyes met your figure, though, he was entirely different. You saw his hardened face soften into a slight frown, his hand slumping into the sheets below him. "You shouldn't have come," he said, as you rushed to sit beside him.

"I'm sorry, Baekhyun. I'm sorry about what Sehun said, he didn't mean anything, it's not your fault—"

"It's okay." He whispers, his lean fingers reaching out for your cheek, then sliding down to your arm. "Does it still hurt?" He asked. He must have felt it, when your father hurt you. His touch was enough to make you feel alive and better.

"Not anymore," you tried to smile, assuring him that you were fine. With the forming bruise on your cheek and your arm, and with your bloodshot eyes, he wasn't convinced at all, but he didn't say anything, just cradling your face in his palm, because now he feels it, realizes it. All this time, and it was you.

"Sehun's right," Baekhyun says, "It's because of me that this happened, that you lost all of your opportunities just to help me with my fucked up life." He withdraws his hand, and you suddenly missed the feeling. He was never like this with you. Never too close, never too intimate.

"It's not your fault, Baekhyun. Please believe me." You replied, holding onto his hand. Even his own injuries haven't healed and yet you caused him more pain. You hated it. You hated yourself for doing this to him.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why would you give up everything for me?" he asked, and you wanted so badly to tell him that you did all this because you loved him. Not because he's your soulmate, not because he's your friend. You did all this because you fell in love with him.

"I'm so sorry," he breathes out, his fingers now tracing the soul mark on your wrist. "I'm such a terrible soulmate. We were supposed to look out and be there for each other, but I didn't even care enough to make sure you were okay. I was too engrossed in my own problems that I wasn't even aware of what you were going through," you wiped a lone tear that escaped his eye, smoothing your hands down his beautiful face.

"It's not your fault." You repeated, and you will have to repeat it again and again, until he doesn't blame himself anymore. "You were going through so much, Baekhyun. I knew you needed me, and I would do everything to help you, cause that's what soulmates do."

"Being soulmates mean we should help each other, y/n, not that only one of us does the helping. I can't even make you happy." Honestly, you didn't know what you would do without him. You lost everything now, you didn't want to lose your soulmate too.

"But I'm happy. Just being with you makes me happy." You smiled at him, moving closer until you were able to press a kiss upon his forehead. He closed his eyes, almost as if relishing in on the moment. "I'm not leaving you. I'm not giving up. We just have to try harder." And you meant to stick with what you said. You weren't gonna leave, because he's your soulmate, he's meant to be by your side forever and you, with him.

"Do you love me?" He asked then, throwing you off guard. Everything felt surreal, and you didn't know what else to say than a simple,

"I love you, Baekhyun."

You're tired of lying. Lying to your friends, your family, to yourself, to him. If you wanted to be better, to make this work, you must not lie, not anymore. It was silent between you two, the feeling of rejection heavy in your gut. You didn't expect him to return it, you just wanted him to receive it.

"I know. I love you too."

Or so you thought.

#baekhyun #exo #bbh #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun imagine #angst #baekhyun angst #exo imagine

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thethespacecoyote · 5 years

Text

“work it out”

On the counter sits a stack of mail Ben had presumably brought in before leaving for work, and to Hux’s dismay he sees one of those detestable maternity magazines sitting right at the top. He’d told Ben to cancel their subscription but he must not have gotten around to it yet. At first, Hux had wanted to read all he could about pregnancy, absorb any tips and tricks from other expecting couples, but as his own wore on he’d soured on these publications. Pure drivel— nothing but pages and pages of omegas showing off fake smiles and fashionable sweaters and blouses and cute, petite baby bumps. Doing yoga and eating salad with their airbrushed skin and snug Lululemon leggings. Idiots. They have no idea what a special kind of suffering it is to lug around a pair of Ben Solo-sized offspring.

Hux hates them.

Combined my enjoyment of personal trainer Kylo with my enjoyment of pregnant Hux. Modern AU, fluff, self esteem issues, probably a touch OOC and indulgent. Enjoy.

Check it out on ao3 too!

Hux wakes up in the tail end of the morning, as he’s fallen into the habit of doing. It’s easy to sleep late, especially when he’s up periodically in the night to pee or indulge his cravings or merely lie in bed, miserably, while the unborn children in his belly decide to throw a party.

Hux sighs heavily when the world comes back to him, first in fuzzy shapes, then a bit clearer. In his sleep, he feels lighter, blissfully removed from reality. But now that he’s awake, the familiar heaviness settles into his body, and he remembers just how large and uncomfortable it’s become.

He blearily looks downwards, placing a palm on the swollen lump visible beneath his bed covers. Grumbling, he peels them away, sticking out his lower lip as he takes in the state of his belly.

Hopelessly round and weighty, just like he’d left it last night. Probably grown imperceptibly bigger in the hours he’s been tossing and turning, if he’s being honest. The pregnancy likes to sneak up on him as he sleeps, taking him unawares and inflating his stomach to grotesque new proportions.

Hux stays on his side, not yet willing to try to sit up or turn around, and looks over his shoulder. Though he knows he probably won’t find what he wants, part of him hopes to see Ben lying there asleep, messy black hair spread all over the pillow, awaiting a couple kisses to wake him up. But no—of course the bed is empty, covers clumsily straightened back into place, with only the faint scent of Ben clinging to the fabric. Hux’s face falls, and he thumps his head back against the pillow. He noses into the hood of the jacket he’s wearing, searching for a stronger source of Ben’s scent. He rarely borrowed his boyfriend’s clothes before, but ever since falling pregnant he’s almost become obsessed with them, especially his outerwear. The one Hux has on right now is one of his favorites—well-worn and soft, emblazoned with Ben’s alma mater and utterly soaked in his smell. The cords of the hoodie tip in little metal aglets, which Hux likes to fidget whenever he’s anxious.

Unfortunately, it’s still no substitute for his boyfriend’s presence.

Bless his heart, Ben tries to take more time off of work. He already has a bit of an irregular schedule, so it’s easier than if he had a nine-to-five job, but still there’s been many times where Hux has needed him and he’s had to leave for one of his sessions. After all, even with Hux on paid leave, Ben has to keep working to save up money for when the twins finally arrive.

Rationally, Hux knows they’ll be fine in terms of finances, with at the very least Ben’s parents helping to foot the bills, but some days it’s just another worry threatening to tip the tottering pile of emotional distress right over.

It doesn’t help that, in moments of extreme weakness, Hux has begun to wonder what Ben sees in him anymore.

He’s become ugly. Utterly undesirable. Hux never considered himself some high standard of omega attractiveness in the first place, what with his underwhelming frame and average looks. Yet somehow, a verifiable heartthrob like Ben, who’d made an entire career out of sculpting muscles and tightening abs, had found something salvageable there—consequently inspiring Hux to frequent the gym more. Ben had even gifted him a discounted pass, and though it was difficult with his job’s schedule, he’d started to seriously work on his arms and upper body as well as increase his cardiovascular fitness. It’d been a meager improvement, but improvement nonetheless, and Hux had felt he was finally on his way to becoming more worthy of his boyfriend.

Then he’d fallen pregnant.

At the first, joyous outset, the inevitable changes to physical form hadn’t even crossed Hux’s mind. He and Ben had been far too busy scurrying about, planning for the imminent arrival of their children. Hux remembers feeling a little afraid, in that giddy, tickling sort of way, but mostly elated at the thought of finally building a family with the man he’d loved for years. And though he escaped the worst of morning sickness and other typical early pregnancy woes, he’d soon started to change in ways he didn’t feel particularly fond of.

The fact that they were having twins hadn’t helped. He’d rightly blimped up in the middle of his second trimester, and things had only grown worse from there. Now, in the beginning of the third, Hux considers himself a bloated shell of his former self. Like an overfilled water balloon, heavy and ponderous and ready to burst, yet he still has a few months left before their children are born.

Hux hates looking at himself in the mirror anymore, pointedly glancing aside when he has to wash his hands or strip to take a shower. Thanks to his slender frame, he’s never quite had the “typical” body of an omega, but now there’s a new, disconcerting roundness to his thighs and hips, and it doesn’t stop there. The weight gain is obvious all over, even in his face, where his cheeks and chin have grown a little chubbier. And of course his belly is the worst offender—a big pale blob, striated with red marks like he’s been stricken with some kind of infection. He detests washing himself now, but having Ben do it is almost worse—Hux can’t help but imagine he too dislikes every distended inch.

Overall he feels wholly unattractive and overweight, but what’s worse is that he knows it’s normal, that his slim build and short torso probably caused him to carry larger, that he probably needed to gain some weight to remain healthy, but it’s still screwing with his emotions and making him feel like a weak-minded and feeble child.

Even getting out of bed is a chore now. Hux puffs his cheeks out with exertion as he props himself up on one arm and swings his legs over the edge of the bed. His other hand cups the curve of his belly as it settles right atop his upper thighs, obscuring everything below. Hux takes a moment to steel himself, before pushing up hard, using the edge of the nightstand to help steady himself as he swayed to his feet.

Immediately, his ankles smart at the weight. Fantastic.

He ambles from his bedroom to the kitchen as best as he can, forcing himself to go slow though he’s eager to snag a warm drink to help calm his unruly insides. Beneath his sweatshirt, his belly moves, which he almost feels in his kidneys. He’s not totally used to the sensation of something solid shifting inside of him. It’s a nice sensation, considering he knows where it’s coming from, but also a bit unsettling.

“Easy,” Hux whispers hastily to his belly, giving it a small pat as he continues shambling towards the kitchen, his bare feet padding against the tile floor. One of the twins rolls back against his palm but seems to settle after that, leaving Hux a brief respite to grab something for his stomach.

He used to drink those berry protein shakes Ben favored, but thanks to some quirk of pregnancy he can’t even stomach the smell of them now, much less the taste. Ben has to prepare them when Hux is out of the room, or else he’ll gag, something he feels very ashamed and guilty of. Ben has had to shift around so much in his life to accommodate Hux—far too much, in his opinion.

He wishes he hadn’t become such an unsightly burden on his boyfriend.

Hux glumly searches for a mug, finding most of his usual ones in the wash, and finally decides to choose a dark, space-patterned cup that belongs to Ben. It’s part of a collection, actually—nine in total, each emblazoned with a design of one planet in the solar system that only properly appears when it’s filled with hot water. The one Hux finds is Jupiter, like this is some sort of cosmic joke at his expense. That big and ugly red mark certainly sticks out in a similar way as his belly button, and his children do love to kick up a storm inside him. Perhaps it’s more fitting than he wants to admit.

Hux sets the mug on the counter before filling the hot water kettle and flipping it on. He waddles over to the cupboard, scrounging for the brand of decaf tea Ben bought him recently. It’s a blend that’s supposed to help his stomach, yet Hux isn’t all too fond of it. It has a strange taste, reminiscent of anise, but he’s sipped worse. At this point, he’s grateful for anything that helps him relax.

He drapes two tea bags into the mug, resting his hip against the edge of the counter as he waits for the water to boil. When he glances over to the clock on the oven, he finds it’s a lot later than he thought—past noon, in fact. Lord, he’s really let himself go, hasn’t he? Before, when he still had the energy and ability to go into the office, he would wake up every day at six o’clock and run through his meticulous morning routine with ease. Now, he can hardly drag himself out of bed for a cup of tea before it officially becomes the afternoon.

On the counter sits a stack of mail Ben had presumably brought in before leaving for work, and to Hux’s dismay he sees one of those detestable maternity magazines sitting right at the top. He’d told Ben to cancel their subscription but he must not have gotten around to it yet. At first, Hux had wanted to read all he could about pregnancy, absorb any tips and tricks from other expecting couples, but as the pregnancy wore on he’d soured on these publications. Pure drivel— nothing but pages and pages of omegas showing off fake smiles and fashionable sweaters and blouses and cute, petite baby bumps. Doing yoga and eating salad with their airbrushed skin and snug Lululemon leggings. Idiots. They have no idea what a special kind of suffering it is to lug around a pair of Ben Solo-sized offspring.

Hux hates them.

The kettle pings behind him, a little jet of steam streaming from the spout. Hux nudges himself off the counter, grabbing the mug and carefully pouring the water into it. He lets out a small yawn, the passable scent of the tea filling his nose as he sets the kettle aside and carefully lifts the mug.

He’s ready to settle into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and fritter the rest of the day away, at least until Ben returns, when one of the twins suddenly shifts and kicks him hard in the diaphragm.

“Ah!” Hux shouts, one hand clamping to the side of his belly, the surprise and pain causing him to lose his grip on the mug and sending it crashing to the floor. Hux flinches at the sound of shattering ceramic, unable to even see where it’s fallen or how badly the cup has broken with the bloat of his belly in the way. He hunches over, trembling hand braced against the edge of the counter as he takes several deep breaths, suddenly feeling his lungs tighten even as the smarting pain of his pup’s movement ebbs away. Hux grits his teeth in frustration, feeling warmth rise up in his cheeks. He can’t even make a cup of tea without messing up, can he? He doesn’t even get to have that, does he?

Screw it. Hux throws up his hands, leaving the mess on the floor and stomping to the living room. With tears building in his eyes, he flops himself down sideways on the couch and curls his legs up as best as he can manage. Even lying down, his belly still sticks obtrusively in front of him, like a taunt. He tosses an arm over his eyes, not wanting to look at it any longer.

Hux stays that way for a long while, sniffling, trying to phase into the couch cushions so maybe he won’t have to occupy the physical body he hates for a moment longer, until the door to their apartment clicks. The tell-tale heavy, measured footsteps that could only belong to Ben follow. Hux curls up tighter, hugging his other arm around his waist, anticipating—

“Armie? You in here?’ There it is.

Hux puffs pathetic breath through his lips, wishing he could pretend to be asleep and avoid a conversation he does not want to have right now. Yet Ben always has some kind of sixth sense when it comes to his boyfriend’s distress levels, and in a moment he’s poking his head around the corner from the kitchen, eyes immediately falling on Hux.

“You okay?” Ben asks, the rest of his body promptly following. Hux grimaces once he sees those broad pecs and sculpted shoulders, just barely concealed beneath a compression shirt spotted with perspiration. Ben’s whipped his damp hair back in a messy bun, and his cheeks are a little flushed. He must’ve just come out of a training session—most likely with one of his more athletic clients, if he’d broken a sweat. Training post-op patients or middle-aged ladies isn’t exactly so strenuous.

“What’s up? Is something wrong?” Ben asks again, placing his tennis shoes atop the little metal rack near the floor before padding on over. Hux averts his eyes and nibbles his lower lip, not wanting to talk about it. If he does, he feels like he might start to cry again, and he doesn’t want to act so disgracefully in front of his boyfriend.

But Ben is notoriously bad at leaving him alone. He crosses the living room and kneels at Hux’s side, the smell of sweat and deodorant following him.

“Can you tell me what happened? Is it the twins?”

Hux shakes his head quickly. Irrationally upset as he is, he doesn’t want his boyfriend over-worrying about the twins. Ben looks relieved.

“That’s good. Are you just sore again or something? I can run you a bath or rub you down if you want.”

Hux shakes his head again, now frustrated with Ben’s niceness, his willingness to give him all that he doesn’t deserve. Ultimately the longer this drags on, the more silly he feels, so he ends up just blurting it out.

“I broke one of your mug,” he states, fiddling with one of the hoodie’s cords. “I’m sorry.”

“I saw,” Ben replies slowly, resting his hand on Hux’s shoulder and stroking it with his thumb, “it’s okay. It broke into big pieces, so I think I can fix it.”

That should be a relief to Hux, should help to ease his guilt over breaking one of Ben’s favorite mugs, but it doesn’t.

“You shouldn’t have to fix it.” He can hear his voice wavering, but tries to keep pushing the words out. “I shouldn’t have broken it in the first place, but this one—” he points accusingly at the side of his belly, “—jabbed me and it really hurt!”

Hux’s voice breaks on the last word as he rapidly blinks his eyelids, trying to prematurely stave off tears. It had hurt, he’d been so shocked at the sudden punch of pain in his side. He’s doing his best to carry his children, and it feels like they already didn’t like him, already want to harm him. Like he isn’t doing enough and this is his preemptive punishment for being a rotten father.

“It’s just a cup,” Ben tries to soothe, but Hux can feel himself already working up to hysteria. He can’t stop himself, and even as his boyfriend tries to quiet him his breath starts to hitch in distress.

“This is miserable. I’m already such a failure of a parent...and a partner...I can’t even be left alone without ruining things. Everything feels r-ruined.”

Ben presses his lips together, eyebrows following suit. He lets the silence settle between them, broken only by Hux’s messy whimpering, before speaking up.

“It’s not about the cup, is it?”

It wouldn’t surprise Hux if he did cry over something as silly as a cup. But no, it’s not just about that, of course. And when Ben asks him so earnestly, in that soft voice of his, as if Hux could admit to murder and he would still understand, he can’t help but let it out. Unwilling tears spill over his cheeks as he lets out a damp sniffle.

“Look at me. Look how large I’ve gotten. I’m disgusting,” Hux hisses miserably, scrubbing at his eyes. “And foolish. Crying like this. I should just accept how horrible I look, and not winge on about it.”

“Strawberry, everything you just said was totally wrong.” Ben flinches as Hux whacks his arm, glaring. “I—wait, let me rephrase that—”

“What?” Hux growls, annoyed despite the use of his favored pet name.

“It’s just…” Ben sighs, moving his hand up and down his boyfriend’s upper arm. “You’re not disgusting. You don’t look horrible, and it’s alright if sometimes you need to cry. Okay?”

“You don’t need to lie. It’s grotesque. Obviously no one could ever find...this attractive.” Hux gestures at his horribly swollen belly. He must look even more pathetic, his eyes inflamed with tears and his cheeks puffy and stained. “Especially not someone like you.”

Ben frowns.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Hux huffs through wet, wibbling lips. Did Ben not understand? To him, it was obvious.

“Because you’re...I dont know…you’re so….you,” Hux finishes lamely, but seems to get his point across when he gestures at Ben’s bared shoulders. “Strong. Fit.”

“It’s my job to be...me,” Ben starts cautiously, rubbing Hux’s arm. “But it’s your job to keep the twins safe until they’re ready, and I think you’re doing pretty great at that.”

“Yes, yes. I just wish I didn’t look so….plump and slovenly in the interim,” Hux grimaces as Ben wipes at his tears with his other hand, though he doesn’t swat him away. “Whenever we go out together...it feels like people are thinking you’re too good for me.” Even when they’re buying things for the baby, or even mere grocery shopping, this kind of doubt lingers in Hux’s mind. Surely there’s plenty of fit, slender, protein-guzzling omegas his boyfriend would rather breed with?

“You don’t have to be like me,” Ben soothes, “I don’t want you to be exactly like me, if you don’t want to.”

“So you’re saying you find this attractive?” Hux rubs his hand against the side of his belly, disbelieving. Ben’s eyes darken, and an uneven smirk picks at his lips.

“Very. Did all the sex we were having not convince you?”

“I figured you were just giving me what I wanted because I wouldn’t stop bothering you…” Hux groans, though he feels a bit less disconsolate than he had before. As his alpha, Ben has a calming effect on him, his words easily assuaging all his most dreadful fears. But apparently, he’s not content with just verbally comforting him.

Ben starts unzipping his hoodie, and though Hux’s fingers twitch to stop him, to hide his body from his boyfriend’s eyes, he stops himself and instead fists them into the fabric. He watches Ben pull the zipper down over his chest, then over his middle, until the garment hangs completely open over his pale skin. Hux shivers softly, cheeks glowing as Ben carefully pushes it apart, exposing the immense swell of his belly.

Hux instinctively grimaces at the sight, but Ben doesn’t wait for his complaints, instead leaning in and pressing a kiss to the side of his stomach, working a little trail down. He shivers at his boyfriend’s softness, the way he flatters every inch of his skin he can reach with his mouth and the careful cradle of his palm. Ben even kisses those awful red stretch marks that won’t fade no matter how much lotion he uses. When he gets near his protruding belly button, Hux feels one of the twins shift, pushing out the skin just below his boyfriend’s lips.

“Hmph.” Ben snorts softly against his stomach. “Afternoon to you guys too.”

“They like you a lot,” Hux whispers, heart jittering each time Ben presses a kiss to his skin. “They’re always excited to feel you.”

“I’m excited to feel them too,” Ben sighs happily, brushing his cheek against the side of Hux’s belly as he lightly rests his head. His soulful brown eyes drift up to Hux’s face, imploring.

“You believe me a little more now?” He steals one last, sideways kiss against Hux’s skin. “Or do I need to do some more convincing?”

Hux hates to admit how easily Ben gets him to melt and forget his woes. It’s almost sad, how they flee so quickly whenever he’s around with his soft words and gentle touches, only to creep back whenever Hux is alone. Ben really needs to negotiate some more spare time around his training sessions, especially as they get closer to the due date.

“I suppose if you thought I was ugly, you wouldn’t be lavishing kisses all over me,” Hux admits with a fond sigh, ruffling his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. “Though you do give affection away as readily as an oversized puppy…”

Ben lets out a soft, playful chuff and shakes his hair in response. That gets Hux properly chuckling, before he quiets, consumed with the unwashed sleekness of his boyfriend’s hair. Eventually, Ben lifts his head off of Hux’s belly, though he keeps close so he can continue petting him.

“I think you’d be more comfortable on the bed, or in the bath.” Ben leans in to steal a quick kiss from Hux’s lips, even as they sour into a frown.

“Ideally, but it took quite a bit of effort to get all the way over here. I don’t particularly want to wobble back to the bedroom at the moment.” Hux had just dispelled the worries over his appearance. He doesn’t want them rekindled too quickly.

“Alright, I’ll carry you. No big deal.” Ben rethreads his ponytail, before rising up into a crouch. Hux’s eyebrows shoot up in alarm.

“Ben, wait, I don’t think—” He yelps as his boyfriend slides his hands underneath his body, cradling his knees and upper back as he hefts him up in his arms. Hux scrabbles, expecting Ben to falter and drop his cumbersome body to the floor, but he holds firm. Muscles in Ben’s chest and arms bulge out as he supports his boyfriend with little effort, lips parting in a breathless smirk.

“See? Doesn’t matter how big you are, strawberry, as long as I’m strong enough to lift you.” Hux rolls his eyes, swatting Ben’s chest in rebuke for his sentimentality, but relaxing into his steady embrace ever the same.

“It won’t be so easy when they’re born and growing. I expect you to be able to carry all three of us then, you beast,” Hux replies as he leans his head on Ben’s shoulder, letting his boyfriend tow him back to the bedroom. He feels a chuckle rumbles throughout Ben’s chest, muscles flexing in confidence.

“Think I’ll be up for the challenge.”

#spacetext #fanfic #long post #omegaverse #mpreg #self esteem issues #weight issues #sw #kylux

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