#master duel ranked

[supernerddaniel]

HOLY SHIT I FINALLY HIT DIAMOND AGAIN WITH DARKLORDS IN MASTER DUEL RANKED LAST NIGHT AFTER SO MANY MONTHS LANGUISHING IN PLATINUM HELL

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO

[freyholland]

it’s with a heavy heart I must announce that I’m back on my Master Duel bullshit

[ojamayellow]

why does hundred dragon look like a rantsona

[nyupuun]

Building decks in Master Duel is very fun and interesting, but I wish I had more friends to play with so it actually kept me motivated. I also have this problem with Duel Links, but Duel Links is just a bit more rough to build on.

[saphronethaleph]

Longform Statistical Analysis

“Master Nu,” Windu said, with a smile. “It’s nice to see you in the Council Chambers once more.”

“Thank you,” the librarian replied, inclining her head. “Unfortunately, I bring dire news.”

“...you do?” Windu asked, worried now. “What kind of dire news?”

“Dire news coming out of the library is usually either trivial or an absolute disaster,” Ki-Adi-Mundi contributed. “Which is it, so we can decide how worried to be?”

“Quite possibly, both,” Nu told him. “To summarize… Masters, two years ago we discovered that the Sith were not extinct. With this in mind, I have been engaged on a long-term project – I evaluated data about the discovery, admittance, tenure and ultimate loss of every single Jedi for which we have data. Every one in our archives.”

“Now I understand why it took so long,” Even Piell said. “In fact, I credit your skills for taking so little time. That must have been… what, a thousand years… there are ten thousand knights now… hundreds of thousands of Jedi total?”

“Around that,” Nu confirmed. “But the problem is… this. This is the number of active Jedi at any one time, during the first hundred years after Ruusan.”

Her holoprojector activated, showing a kind of flow diagram made out of strands of light. Light yellow marked those newly discovered and accepted as initiates, green padawans, blue for knights and purple marked those who were masters. The tiny Order, wounded but triumphant in the years immediately after Ruusan, was reborn and swelled as it gained more members and those members it had reached greater degrees of Mastery.

“Two hundred years,” Nu went on, as the diagram swelled and zoomed out. The growth was slower now, harder to see on the same scale, but the Order pulsed in colours of green and blue and purple as the Golden Age of the Republic continued.

“...you said this was dire?” Adi Gallia asked.

“We’ll get there,” Nu said, accelerating the projection a little.

As it ran forwards, decade after decade passing by until it approached the present, Master Yaddle leaned forwards in her seat.

She wasn’t the only one. It was subtle, almost imperceptible, but the Jedi Order – which had swelled to enormous, triumphant scale during the Golden Age – had begun to contract again.

By the time it reached the present day, it still possessed deep reserves of strength, but the colouring was… just a little different. The purple of Mastery was less common, though the blues and greens of Knighthood and Padawan were still fully present, and Nu manipulated her controls a bit more.

A second strand appeared, this one much thinner and more intermittent. And, as time tracked towards the present, it went from a shading of mostly blue hundreds of years ago to shades that were a little more green.

“This is the members of our Order who left our ranks due to their death,” Nu explained. “While the differences year-to-year are so minor that I would hesitate to describe them as meaningful, when given the long view and looked at in aggregate the effect is clear.”

She folded her arms. “The Sith faced by Knight Kenobi is the anomaly – an open Sith attack which makes no pretensions as to what they are. This is what I would call a true threat, Councillors. Not a single Sith who seeks to kill individual Jedi in a duel, but a centuries-long program of gradual, subtle, pervasive damage to the Jedi Order, chiefly through the loss of Padawans before they become Knights.”

“You think the Sith are behind this?” Ki-Adi-Mundi asked.

“Behind any given casualty?” Nu asked. “...no. I have no proof I could offer, though a detailed examination of the loss of any given Padawan may conclude that there was some other factor behind their death. Behind the whole pattern? I think it’s quite possible, Master Mundi. We know the Sith can plot and plan for something for a thousand years, and there are only two targets for such a plot that make any sense – ourselves, and the Republic.”

She met the gaze of each councillor in turn. “If this is not due to the Sith, my friends, then we must ask ourselves – what is? They have been doing something for ten centuries and we know nothing about it.”

After a slightly dismayed silence, Yoda tapped his gimmer stick on the floor.

“Much to think about, we have,” he said. “Master Nu – more to say, have you?”

“Yes,” Nu replied. “My presentation, I hope, serves as a reminder that the Sith did not appear out of nowhere two years ago. They have been doing things over the last thousand years, and it is quite possible that we have run into their machinations without identifying them as such… it would be a great mistake to generalize from the Sith defeated by Knight Kenobi.”

“...hmm,” Windu said, frowning. “During the interrogations of Nute Gunray. He said that his actions were based on a shadowy figure pressing him to get a treaty signed by Queen Amidala of the Naboo. That treaty would have benefitted the Trade Federation, but nobody else.”

“The wording of the treaty, benefit the Trade Federation, it would,” Yaddle said. “The existence of the treaty – benefit someone else, perhaps?”

In his office, Sheev Palpatine paused halfway through reading a law.

He had the strange feeling that he’d just been betrayed by his greatest ally. But that was nonsense, since the closet thing he had left to a true ally was paperwork…

[david-talks-sw]

Crazy to me that this of all things is what makes me type out a post when I have so many in drafts just waiting to be completed but hey. Gotta vent. Here goes.

Everyone was commenting in bad faith, in the comments and X is where intelligent discourse goes to perish, so taking this seriously (or as seriously as a "who would win" debate can allow):

This could go either way!

On the one hand, yes, Maul is the more skilled fighter.

Sure, technique-wise, Qimir is very skilled... but he fights like "a mean Jedi who cheats in a fight."

Maul-- *Darth Maul fights like a Sith Lord. He's been trained the old fashioned Sith way from a very early age.

From a narrative POV too, this tracks.

Qimir's master is Plagueis, essentially a Sith whose interest and focus is in science and the occult. He taught Sidious just enough for the latter to master the seven forms, then went back to his research.

Sidious, on the other hand, was a political animal who NEEDED a more fighting-savvy apprentice to do the dirty work in the shadows, and thus molded Maul to be such a weapon.

And you see this too in how either fighter maintains control of a duel.

I'd rank Sol and Qui-Gon at a comparable level.

We see that when Sol gets either angry OR focused, Qimir finds himself at a disadvantage and begins to falter, either retreating or drastically changing tactics. Qimir loses both those fights.

Compare with how Maul handled Qui-Gon in either of those states. He lets Qui-Gon rush at him, then resorts to dirty tricks when Qui-Gon is in a more defensive state. That's how a Sith does it. That's why Maul wins.

HOWEVER! Maul has a flaw that he never, ever outgrows.

In a situation where he's superior, he gets arrogant. He gets cocky. He takes his sweet time to gloat and do the flips and whirl the saber and taunt his prey.

It's why Obi-Wan almost always beats him. It's why Ahsoka, an inferior fighter, beats him too. It's why he didn't see Sidious coming.

Like a true Sith, Maul's overconfidence is his weakness.

You know who doesn't have that weakness?

The guy who does have Jedi training. Who put in the work and already outgrew his own ego and arrogance.

Friggin' Qimir.

Who is seen pulling off no-bullshit kill after no-bullshit kill. Screw the pageantry, screw a clean win.

Padawan breaks his mask? Stabbed in the heart.

Jedi attacks him by surprise? Breaks his neck.

Multiple Jedi attack him? Trakata moves left and right until they're all dead.

So Qimir is a more calculating and focused fighter.

Which means that what a duel between the two comes down to is external circumstances. Their levels aren't so distant that Maul would blitz the Stranger, this would be a long duel.

That said, Qimir is more likely to die in the heat of battle.

But if Maul merely wounds him? Then 9 times out of 10 he'll hang around and gloat, which is something Qimir would capitalize on to deliver a killing blow.

Procrastination over, venting complete.

[kari-sims]

My goofy old wizard is the lowest ranked spellcaster in the realm, but he's very stubborn. One day I just gave in, because he was calling almost daily ( – ⌓ – ) if i had a fraction of his confidence, I'd solve all of my problems...

Ellie: Alright old man, where do you want to do this?

Aurelius: [mysteriously for no reason] You shall see.

[at the dueling grounds]

Aurelius: Here it is. Why didn't you get my calls? Scared much? You can still back out, no worries. Me and The Princess 🐌 won't tell a soul.

Ellie: Dude, you know I'm a Master, right?

Aurelius: Oh yeah? A master at Failure Academy, more like it. Hah!

*old man immediately slips and almost falls after trash talking*

Aurelius: I meant to do that.

(Dueling finally starts, featuring the screenshot that killed me. Yes, I'm deceased and typing this from the other side right now. Also there's no coffee here, lame...)

(Phew! Legit thought this wandless little man was going to defeat her for a sec... actually no, i didn't)

Aurelius: [quickly gets up] Ah... nothing but a scratch!

Aurelius: Well... congrats, you won! Just so you know, I had to lower my powers a little for you there. You can thank me later! Also, you better come more prepared next time...

...cause I won't be so nice.

Why are you happy, Ellie? You just assaulted an old man. Anyways, even now he still keeps calling for a rematch... he learned nothing apparently. Or worse, he forgot everything happened (・―・)

[ironladle]

Tarot Card Legacy Challenge

Generation 1: The Fool

Pack Focus: High School Years, For Rent

Goals: 

Active, Outgoing, Adventurous

Master the Fitness skill to Level 10  by participating in school sports 

Complete the "Outdoor Enthusiast" or “Body Builder” aspiration, going on outdoor adventures with friends and exploring hidden spots in the neighborhood.

Collect all types of fish and insects in the neighborhood as a beginner angler and bug collector.

Achieve 10 charisma skill by making friends and socializing at school events and parties.

Gather collectibles like feathers and crystals by exploring secret areas around the neighborhood and completing after-school activities.

Romance: The Fool finds romance during high school, developing a crush on their lab partner or a fellow athlete. They navigate their first love through shy glances, secret notes, and stolen moments in between classes.

Generation 2: The Empress

Pack Focus: Dream Home Decorator, Growing Together

Goals:

Green Fiend, Family-oriented, Nature Lover

Master the Gardening skill to Level 10 by tending to the school garden and helping out,and personal garden

Complete the "Freelance Botanist" or “Super Parent” aspiration, selling home-grown produce and flowers 

Achieve Level 10 in the Parenting skill by babysitting younger siblings or volunteering

Collect all types of flowers and produce to create beautiful floral arrangements and healthy meals for the family.

Participate in neighborhood gardening competitions, showcasing the family's garden and winning prizes for their beautiful blooms.

Romance: The Empress meets their significant other at a community gardening event or through mutual friends. Their romance blossoms over shared interests in nature and sustainability, with romantic picnics in the park and stargazing under the moonlight.

Generation 3: The Emperor

Pack Focus: For Rent, Home Chef Hustle Stuff

Goals:

Handy, Ambitious,Outdoorsy

Master the Handiness skill to Level 10 by fixing up the family's rented home and helping neighbors with household repairs.

Complete the "Outdoor Enthusiast" or” Master Chef” aspiration, going on camping trips with friends and mastering the art of outdoor cooking.

Achieve Level 10 in the Logic skill 

Collect all types of fossils and crystals during outdoor adventures and neighborhood exploration.

Establish a successful food business, selling handcrafted meals made with locally sourced ingredients.

Romance: The Emperor finds love at a neighborhood block party or while volunteering at the local soup kitchen. Their relationship flourishes over shared meals and cozy nights in, with romantic dinners cooked together in their food truck.

Generation 4: The High Priestess

Pack Focus: Crystal Creations Stuff, Realm of Magic

Goals:

Bookworm, Paranoid, Creative

Master the Spellcasting skill and unlock all spells by studying ancient tomes and practicing magic rituals.

Complete the "Spellcraft & Sorcery" or “ Archaeology Scholar” aspiration, delving deeper into the mysteries of magic and mastering potion-making.

Achieve Level 10 in the Logic skill by experimenting with magical elements and researching arcane phenomena.

Collect all magical artifacts and tomes by exploring hidden caves and participating in magical duels.

Explore all hidden areas in Glimmerbrook and Forgotten Hollow to uncover ancient secrets and mystical creatures.

Romance: The High Priestess meets their soulmate at a magical gathering or during a séance. Their bond deepens through shared experiences in the magical realm, with romantic moonlit rituals and enchanted picnics in enchanted forests.

Generation 5: The Lovers

Pack Focus: My Wedding Stories, Get Together

Goals:

Romantic, Outgoing, Charismatic

Master the Acting skill to Level 10 by participating in school theater productions and joining drama clubs.

Complete the "World-Famous Celebrity" or “ Soulmate” aspiration, climbing the ranks of fame and hosting extravagant parties.

Achieve Level 10 in the Charisma skill by networking at social events and building a large circle of friends.

Collect all celebrity memorabilia and awards by attending exclusive parties 

Host extravagant parties and events in luxury penthouses, showcasing the glamorous lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Romance: The Lovers meet at a high-profile gala or VIP event, instantly drawn to each other's charisma and charm. Their love story unfolds amidst the glittering lights of the city, with romantic rooftop dinners and spontaneous adventures in the nightlife scene.

Generation 6: The Chariot

Pack Focus: Horse Ranch, Werewolves

Animal Lover, Adventurous, Independent

Goals:

Master the Robotics skill and build advanced robots to assist with farm chores and household tasks.

Complete the "Renaissance Sim" or “Championship Rider”  aspiration, excelling in multiple fields of study and expertise, including horse riding and animal training.

Achieve Level 10 in the Handiness skill by repairing farm equipment and maintaining the family's homestead.

Collect all elements and crystals to craft potent potions and futuristic inventions for the family ranch.

Travel to all vacation worlds and explore cultural landmarks and local traditions, incorporating new techniques into the family's farming practices.

Romance: The Chariot finds love in the countryside, meeting their partner at a local rodeo or equestrian event. Their romance flourishes over horseback rides through scenic trails and cozy nights by the fireplace.

Generation 7: Strength

Pack Focus: Cats & Dogs, Seasons

Animal Lover, Family-oriented, Athletic

Goals:

Master the Veterinary skill to Level 10 by opening a veterinary clinic and caring for pets and wildlife in the community.

Complete the "Animal Enthusiast" or “Friend of the Animals” aspiration, fostering strong bonds with animals and participating in pet competitions.

Achieve Level 10 in the Wellness skill by practicing yoga and promoting physical and emotional well-being for Sims and animals alike.

Collect all types of feathers and notes in a bottle, to create unique crafts and decorations for the family's pet-friendly home.

Participate in seasonal festivals and competitions

Romance: Strength meets their partner at a local animal shelter or while walking their pets in the park. Their love grows through shared adventures with their furry companions, with romantic picnics and sunset walks along the beach.

Generation 8: The Hermit

Pack Focus: For Rent, StrangerVille

Paranoid, Bookworm, Loner

Goals:

Master the Herbalism skill to Level 10 by foraging for rare plants and brewing potent potions to unravel the mysteries of StrangerVille.

Complete the "Paranormal Investigator" or “Strangerville Mystery”  aspiration, investigating strange occurrences and uncovering hidden truths in the mysterious town.

Achieve Level 10 in the Logic skill by analyzing evidence and conducting experiments to solve the town's supernatural mysteries.

Collect all types of artifacts and relics by exploring secret labs and hidden caves, documenting strange occurrences and encounters.

Investigate secret conspiracies and alien encounters, uncovering the truth behind the town's strange phenomena.

Romance: The Hermit finds love amidst the mysteries of StrangerVille, meeting their partner while investigating paranormal activity or sharing theories at the local diner. Their romance deepens as they work together to uncover the town's secrets, with late-night stakeouts and passionate debates over conspiracy theories.

Generation 9: The Wheel of Fortune

Pack Focus: My Wedding Stories, For Rent

Party Animal, Outgoing, Ambitious

Goals:

Master the DJ Mixing skill and become a renowned DJ by hosting epic parties and events in the community.

Complete the "Party Animal" or “Fabulously Wealthy” aspiration, mastering the art of socializing and bringing people together through music and entertainment.

Achieve Level 10 in the Cooking skill by experimenting with new recipes and hosting seasonal feasts and gatherings.

Collect all types of rare and exotic fruits and vegetables to create signature dishes and cocktails for their events.

Participate in seasonal festivals and competitions, winning prizes and earning recognition for their contributions to community spirit and celebration.

Romance: The Wheel of Fortune finds love on the dance floor, meeting their partner at a lively nightclub or music festival. Their romance ignites through shared passion for music and nightlife, with spontaneous dance-offs and intimate moments under the stars.

Generation 10: The Star

Pack Focus: Get Famous, Dream Home Decorator

Goals:

Charismatic,Ambitious, High- Maintenance 

Rise to stardom as a celebrity in the entertainment industry, pursuing careers in acting, music, or comedy, and gaining fame and recognition.

Develop culinary skills to create stunning dishes and desserts, showcasing talents through cooking shows or hosting celebrity dinner parties.

Utilize interior design expertise to decorate lavish homes and venues for celebrity clients, earning acclaim for their exquisite taste.

Master the photography skill to capture glamorous moments on red carpets, at exclusive events, and during intimate gatherings.

Utilize gaming expertise to engage with fans through live streams and gaming events, building a dedicated online following fascinated by their celebrity lifestyle.

Romance: The Star finds love amidst the glitz and glamour of celebrity life, meeting their partner at industry events, through mutual connections, or even on the set of a blockbuster film. Their romance plays out in the public eye, with paparazzi capturing their every move and fans speculating about their relationship. Despite the challenges of fame, their love remains strong, and they ultimately tie the knot in a star-studded ceremony, attended by fellow celebrities and broadcasted to millions of viewers worldwide.

Complete World-Famous Celebrity or Master Actor/Master Actress aspiration

-Slay, I will be fixing this challenge little by little.

#TS4TarotLegacy

[thewhumpcaretaker]

⚜ Marquis of Los Angeles: Ch. 2 - Domination

ཐི♡ཋྀ Thank you for the beta-read, @evrensadwrn! ཐི♡ཋྀ

Summary: LaCroix briefs Vincent on the new world he has just entered into, with the expectation that he will be an obedient ghoul. But Vincent is still struggling to gain the upper hand.

Author's Note: I made myself sad writing this - I want Sebastian to turn from Whumper to Caretaker already!

TW: mind control, emotional manipulation, strangulation, kidnapping

It was not LaCroix’s habit to keep his subordinates close to him. If it was wise to keep enemies close, then it was wiser to keep envious inferiors at such a distance that they had no opportunity to become enemies. Ghouls ought to have no knowledge of their master’s weaknesses, and no importance as anything other than pawns. They ought to view him as a solitary, impenetrable figure, above even their understanding. But Vincent Bisset de Gramont proved himself an enemy from the start, and therefore, an exception.

LaCroix repeated that name in his head and smiled, rolling it and playing with it, along with the bullet in his palm which he had decided to keep as a souvenir. Vincent had become so incensed when LaCroix refused to use his title that he determined on the spot never to use it again. The man had to be taught a lesson. “You are no Marquis any longer, let alone an ‘Autem Imperator,’ Vincent. Those titles have no meaning here. You will learn new titles. ‘Prince.’ ‘Regnant.’ ‘Domitor.’ And they will belong to me, not to you - as do all things where we’re going. Know your place.” He leaned back into the quilted suede of his seat, letting starlight and the dimmed glow of the cabin play across his features to what he hoped was a mysterious and intimidating effect.

“Your hubris knows no bounds, Prince,” Vincent spat back, clutching the arms of his seat as if his wrists were lashed to them. “They’re looking for me even now. Do you think you can walk into a High Table duel and make off with the highest ranking –“

“No one is looking for you, because no one knows you’re missing. Everyone who saw me believes they saw a kindly priest who said his respects over your body before helping that fellow – The Harbinger, I believe you call him – lay you to rest in a casket for your mortician to carry away. Tomorrow, that empty casket will be buried.”

A flash of panic before his pretty green eyes lit up again. “The mortician will – “

“The mortician wasn’t your man. He was mine. I sent a local friend to take his place, and to oversee the proceedings. You’re as good as dead, Vincent. I’m dreadfully sorry.”

He went as ghostly white as his travelling companion then. He remained very quiet while Sebastian explained to him the meanings of those important titles he’d mentioned, as well as other relevant words such as “Masquerade” and “Camarilla” and “Ventrue.”

LaCroix’s hope of entertainment during the flight was very much fulfilled. Vincent made for a captivating (if pitiful) image, with blood still smeared across his forehead and wetness sparkling in his eyes. LaCroix couldn’t stop staring at him and wondering whether he’d really cry or not. It filled him with a strange mix of sadism and sympathy that kept the Prince continuously in suspense. It sent him inexplicably trembling to hear Vincent say, “You’ll have to forgive me, Sebastian, I’m just so confused. Please…help me understand everything.”

He was coherent enough to ask intelligent questions though, and always seemed to latch onto those subjects that were a little too top-secret for a first conversation with a ghoul, whilst sighing that he was just so confused and scared. Clearly, he knew his way around a syndicate like the Camarilla and went straight for the vital information. When at last the Prince tired of this game and started to inquire about Vincent’s own organization, he refused to divulge anything.

It confused Sebastian a little. Every other ghoul he’d ever created had hung on his words in an ecstasy that totally drowned out the loss of their former life. They typically begged to repay him for saving them and fell over themselves to please him until he was either amused or disgusted. They certainly didn’t issue desperate pleas and threats about returning to their old life, or try to ply information out of him, or protect their old secrets. But Vincent? Well…there was no doubt that Vincent was affected by Sebastian. Sometimes his eyes lingered on LaCroix as if he wasn’t quite able to look away. But the look there wasn’t puppy love, it was…horror. Hatred. As if Vincent was looking at an old grudge who had wronged him grievously. Something wasn’t right.

He wasn’t in deep enough, that was all. He’d only taken the first sip of vitae – two still remained to form a full blood bond. And he was hardly a pliant individual, that much was evident. For now, Sebastian supposed he’d have to secure the ghoul’s cooperation via commands. “Vincent. When I ask you a question about the High Table, you will answer me directly, honestly, and without embellishments. Do you understand?”

A glazed, vacant look replaced the pitiful one. “I understand.”

There, good. Sebastian let out a breath, only just realizing how tense he had become, and began his inquisition.

He knew a little about the High Table already. It was not so different from the Giovanni, but even larger by membership the Camarilla, and impressive for a human construction. It was difficult to be anyone significant in either the human or kindred underworld without running across the High Table’s activities at some point. But the Autem Imperator (Sebastian might not call him by his title out loud, but he wasn’t forgetting it for an instant in his own mind) offered a unique view of its proceedings. Within minutes, LaCroix knew who held each seat, how communications passed between members, how those communications might be intercepted, into which countries their influence had spread (it was most of them), and even where the Elder resided.

It had been no idle tip, he realized, that suggested he should pay a visit to his home country and rest in the basilica that day. It had been, in fact, pure gold in the form of an anonymous email. He almost passed it up as an attempted ruse or ambush, even with all the power promised by the stranger on the other end. But it also spoke to a Masquerade violation, and even the Nosferatu could not trace it. The sender must have had a contact, someone who could encrypt on their level. So he went personally, just for 24 hours, with the resolution that he would return to the safety of LA as soon as possible.

Remembering at last to the original purpose of his visit, LaCroix asked his ghoul one final question, shortly before landing.

“Do you have an associate who would go by the initial ‘C’?”

Even under domination, he rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. You’ll have to be more specific.”

Sebastian held out the message on his phone. “Who could this have been?”

“Is it true that you can help someone live beyond death? If you really are I’ve been told you are, then come at once, to Paris. Come to the Sacré-Coeur Basilica just before dawn. If you’re lucky and I’m unlucky, you will find a man there who cannot escape death any other way. If you keep him alive, he will offer you knowledge and power equal to your own, pertaining to a human organization you may know as the High Table. Take him away from me, change him, disappear him, I don’t care. Only save his life and make him happy, and you will have my eternal thanks. He does not know, and will never know, what he means to me.”

- C”

“My bodyguard, Chidi.” His voice was strained almost to the breaking point, and his eyes still fixed on Sebastian’s phone even after the email was closed. Sebastian had no questions about whether he was faking his tearfulness this time.

“A ghoul of your very own, of sorts! Where can I find him?”

Vincent closed his eyes for a moment before mustering an answer. “…He’s dead.”

“Ah, splendid. That saves me a great deal of trouble.”

And then Vincent did what no ghoul, whether on one sip of vitae or three, should have been capable of doing. He sprung forward and closed hands around his domitor’s neck.

.¸¸.*✧*.¸¸.*✧*.¸¸. ཐི♡ཋྀ.¸¸.*✧*.¸¸.*✧*.¸¸.

It took Vincent much longer than it should have to recall that Sebastian didn’t need to breathe. By that time, he was already being dragged off by the enormous, visibly supernatural thing that Sebastian had introduced as “The Sheriff.”

“Get this brainless lump off of me!”

“Hey,” The Sheriff grunted. Vincent paid him no mind, and continued addressing LaCroix with exactly as much civility as he deserved, all the while straining against the boulder-heavy hands holding him back.

“You will not SPEAK to me that way and you will not – “ Fuck, he hated the way his voice was shaking… “You will not speak of my bodyguard’s death as – as ‘splendid!’”

“And you will not speak to me at all until you can behave yourself!” LaCroix retorted. “SILENCE!”

The voice seemed to go out of Vincent’s throat. All his resistance had been used up in the outburst and he sunk numbly back into his seat.

LaCroix was panting, a shaking hand against his neck. He adjusted his tie and recovered himself enough to laugh. “Imagine trying to strangle a vampire! And the one holding your life in his hands, no less. You’re one to talk of brainlessness. And just when I was beginning to respect your cunning.” Vincent opened his mouth and nothing came out, so he spat in LaCroix’s face instead.

“Oh for god’s sake - You don’t speak AND you don’t move!” Vincent smiled as he watched LaCroix wipe at his face with a handkerchief, scowling. But another wave of terrible compulsion spread through his limbs, and then he was paralyzed.

It was such a strange feeling, being “dominated.” It was the same magnetism that drew him to LaCroix when he first laid eyes on him (that must be the “vitae” he had spoken about), but stronger, and more concentrated. Making him capable of magnificent feats, making him motivated, drawing his focus, making things important to him. As if a power was bursting out from inside of Vincent. It wasn’t so unlike being high, and not wholly unpleasant. But it was not his to control, not a part of him. It was LaCroix’s, and he hated it for that, and he hated LaCroix for that too. Maybe, if he just held onto that hatred…

But LaCroix’s conversation with his Sheriff broke his concentration. “No, I don’t want him in a cell, much less his own apartment. He’s not fully dominated and it’s a security risk. I don’t understand it, but I need to maintain a tight hold over him even if I have to do it by manual override. He stays in the penthouse, with me.”

If The Sheriff understood that, he conveyed it only by grunting.

Damn it. Any chance to get out of LaCroix’s grasp was slipping away. Again, he struggled to protest, but it was useless. He couldn’t speak. His own body was refusing him. It felt traitorous and alien and there was no one to help him, no one looking for him, no Chidi ever again and absolutely nothing he could do. If he had a voice, he would probably be screaming, he realized. But instead, for the second time that day, he floated on a sea of bloody misery, gasping worse and worse by the second. As the jet went into final descent, its weightlessness hit him in the stomach and drove home a second wave of fear.

LaCroix was watching him, leaning over him, speaking to him, in much the same way one might speak to a broken printer shortly before kicking it. He lay a hand on Vincent’s chest to feel his shallow heartbeat and the very core of Vincent’s being rebelled against the way that it soothed him.

“Why are you not calm? You shouldn’t be feeling this way, I don’t understand why it’s not working…” He fixed LaCroix with the most hateful stare he could manage without moving his facial muscles. Why do you think, you useless fils de pute? He felt tears rolling silently down his cheeks. Fine. Good, even.

Again, LaCroix’s magnetic voice overpowered his will with a rush, even more hideously blissful than before. Perhaps it was more in harmony with him than the last had been... “Be calm, Marquis. I command you. Don’t be so afraid.”

And all the wild contents of his heart slipped away into a soft, empty, merciful void.

◃ Back ⚜ Next ▹(coming soon)

Image Sources: One | Two

[supernerddaniel]

I JUST HIT MASTER RANK IN YU-GI-OH MASTER DUEL FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER 😁😁😁

I'm really jazzed about this, especially after a couple days ago when I went on a god-awful losing streak and and to claw my way back up through Diamond, haha

[cyberdragoninfinity]

ranking arcs of the master duel series now that ive seen all six. this didnt have the last season of vrains but imagine that hovering somewhere around crash town

[daylite-writes]

“Do Your Worst” - Capitano x fem!traitor!reader

You were a spy for your homeland placed high up in the Fatui command, until you were outed as such. Now, you face the man who’s heart you stole.

cw: mild violence for the sake of information, implied previous relationship, not the healthiest relationship, prisoners of war.

~~~

You whined under your breath as his shadow covered, as his hand brushed through her hair. You were a prisoner of war. This was war. The brutality, all of it. If only it hurt, if only it wasn’t soft and sweet.

“C-Cap…” you cough out once.

“Quiet.” He said simply.

Slowly he peeled away your sweat and blood soaked armor, leaving you bloodied and unprotected.

You heard the slosh of water. As the Captain soaked a washcloth, rung it out, and began to clean the dirt and blood from your skin. The ragged cloth brushed over bruises, circling over your ribs, your spine. You said nothing.

Finally, the washcloth left, but he didn’t. He pulled himself close, on his knees in front of you, hand winding through your hair to lift your gaze up to his.

You stared into his mask, a swirling void blankly staring back. He sighed, hand moving to cup the back of your neck, pulling you close against his chest. By now you knew him well enough to understand only silence would satifsy him.

It was a short while, no more than a minute or two, before he spoke, quiet. “Planted or compromised?”

“Planted.”

His grip tightened, his other arm possessively curling over your battle scarred back. “Your name is not [False Name].”

You nodded against his shoulder.

“A lot of us liked you, assassin girl.”

It was an understatement. Columbina enjoyed your gift with the lyre. Pantalone complimented your efficiency at dirty work. Dottore once called you “the useful hawk in a flock of pigeons”. Arlechinno complimented you, to your face. Childe always requested duels, no matter if he knew the outcome. You were, undeniably, liked within the Fatui’s highest ranks.

Capitano though, he was your sergeant, your general. He helped train you into something more lethal than before. He appreciated your battle prowess and scouting skills on expeditions earlier on in your spying career. Even when you fell into your role of Fatui’s assassin, you were often called to his side, some lousy excuse given every time, a job able to be done by any well trained soldier, delegated her for the simple purpose of keeping you close.

They fell for your ruse. The carefully crafted place you’d gained in the Fatui as a spy. And Capitano?

Perhaps he fell harder than any other.

“What ties you? What is stronger than the two of us, that you’d leave me?” He demanded, quietly, desperately.

Nothing. You’d lost all your family long ago, never having met anyone after them. Your loyalty to your nation was hardly more binding than your loyalty to this one. But loyalty was how one stayed alive. Loyalty and skill. You moved through her days like a ghost. Like a killer. Should your home fall, you’d never cry. But until then, the nation that raised you demanded your undying loyalty.

Your eyes were nearly as tired as his, the weight of your actions painted the under of your eyes a bruised blue.

“Graceless, loveless, homeless assassin. You know what happens to you now?”

You nodded.

“Horrid, horrid.” His hand grabbed your jaw, bones almost creaking as he squeezed. “Horrid, horribly enchanting woman.”

He let go, and your head fell.

“How dare you do this to me.” His deep, heavy voice shook.

“If it’s any consolation,” she rasped, eyes on her knees. “This… us... It wasn’t planned.”

“It’s not.” He spat.

You barked out a laugh. It stung your throat.

“Who is your master?”

It takes a moment for the question to process, but as it does, you smiled sadly. “This conversation will not end in a way either of us like.”

“Be happy I am the one to interrogate you. Others more cruel than me would have much more fun with you.”

“You already know my ties are with my home country. I will give you nothing more.”

“Then you know what happens now.”

His knee struck you square in the stomach, forcing you to grunt as bile crept into the back of your throat, but you didn’t curl into yourself. He struck again.

And again. And then once more.

Blood and vomit crept up the back of your throat. You swallowed it down. On the ground now, the steel toe of a boot replaced the knee, striking you in the ribs this time.

You did your best to dissociate, to wait both him and the pain out, hiding in your own mind. He must have noticed, because he refused to allow it, gloved hand pulling you up by the roots of your hair into a half sitting position, grabbing your attention for a quick moment before he stomped on her ankle so hard it cracked.

You cried out then, the scream tampering off into choked sobs.

His boot settled on her other ankle.

“What’s your true name?”

“[First]. No last name.” You gasped out.

He paused, “appropriate.”

What the fuck did that mean? You glared up at him. Gods your ankle was fucked.

“And your master?”

“Didn’t-” You spoke between labored breaths. “We just go over that? I won’t answer a question like that.”

“You will. Eventually.”

You tried to laugh, but you just ended up wheezing, falling forward. Grey was seeping into your vision, blurring at the edges. All the adrenaline in your system was basically gone.

“Kill me.” You said, “I did my duty. And I won’t assist you. Kill me.”

“I have better uses for you.”

Your expression soured. “You’ve never been one to deny an honorable death. It is the one thing you’ve always granted. Why… why is it different now?”

“You don’t deserve an honorable death.”

“There are others who’ve done far worse than me; and you’ve granted it. What crime have I committed where you deny me this?” You bit out.

“Thievery.”

“Thievery?”

“Yes. You stole so much from me. My time, my effort, my heart. It is a disrespect I won’t tolerate.” His hand slipped under your chin, pulling your head up.

“Then what? Torture?”

“No.” He said after a moment. “I will receive your loyalty. Your devotion. I will take it, even without you wanting to give it. We will return to how we were before, only this time you will not be a traitor.”

“I will not stand by your side and serve you. You know this.”

“I am a patient man. No matter how uphill the battle. I will acquire your loyalty. I will not lose you.”

You huffed. “You can try. I am not easy to break.”

“I already have a head start.” Capitano said, tilting your head with his hand. It was true. You’d done a lot for him. You underwent interrogations and torture by mutual enemies and gave up nothing. You trained by him. Fought for him. Killed for him. Sure, it was while delivering intelligence to her homeland, but it was loyalty nonetheless.

You closed your eyes. “Do your worst.”

~~~

[reyrapidsbutgayer]

Ranking all Elden Ring Base Game NPCs by Fuckability. PART 3 of 4

We are almost there guys, just stick with me... this is the final stretch until the top 10.

Tumblr has a 30 image limit and there are 91 characters to get through. Don't blame me, blame @azothinc

[PART 1 (91-66) | PART 2 (65-37) | PART 3 (36-11) | PART 4 (Top 10)]

Welcome back, time to resume sucking and fucking our way across the Land's Between.

#36: Lanya

Pros: Honestly, she's such a little tomboy.

Cons: Is dead

Reasoning: If Lanya had stayed alive during the course of the game, she would have 100% cracked Diallos's egg and the two of them would be living their best lives as a she/they lesbian couple in Jarburg. You cannot prove me wrong on this, you know in your heart that I am right.

#35: Lightseeker Hyetta

Pros: Crazy (In a hot way)

Cons: Is a possessed corpse who wants to burn the entire world.

Reasoning: This is specifically the Hyetta at the end of her questline. At the start, she is too naive and uncertain to be a good lover. After accepting her role as the maiden of the Three Fingers... she is STILL not a good lover.

But she is fucking crazy.

She will ride you while you feed her pus filled eyeballs, she will probably grow tendril/mushroom-like growths out of her skin that she wraps you up in like a spider. She will scream and chant in multiple horrible cacophonous voices while she clenches in an orgasms that spews boiling frenzy juices upon your skin where it promptly blisters, pops and then heals over only to blister again in the blink of an eye. The light of a frenyflame stone will dance across your conjoining skin, healing the damage she does to your body long enough to survive this madding mating ritual, but just barely.

You will probably die. But I mean... if you are already going for the Frenzied Flame ending, you two might as well have a rigorous-end-of-the-world-fuck-fest™ where you violate all laws of nature and human decency.

#34: Mad Tongue Alberich

Pros: Stylish, Polite, Heretic

Cons: Is actively turning into stone.

Reasoning: This guy might come across as pretty evil at the start of the game, but time will prove him right. The roundtable hold isn't exactly a paragon of virtue, and the hideous transformation caused by his devotion to the Blood Star is forgivable. I mean after all, he's called "Mad Tongue" for a reason if you know what I mean.

I mean that he's good at oral sex. And if his polite bow during your honorable duel is anything to go by, he doesn't let you leave until you have both finished. It's the only honorable way.

#33: Tanith's Knight

Pros: Big old throat sack, Heretic.

Cons: Simp.

Reasoning: As stated in my boss fuckability post, the Crucible Knights are disciples of Hoarah Loux, the most sexually dominate man to ever walk the Land's between. They also have animalistic crucible powers, capable of growing animalistic body parts to aid in battle or the bedroom.

But these guys can also harsh the vibes pretty severely. At least Tanith's knight has the decency to go against the Erdtree and hitch his cart to a sexier (albeit doomed) horse like the Recusants.

#32: Great Horned Tragoth.

Pros: A really decent upstanding Guy

Cons: A little boring.

Reasoning: Don't get me wrong, Tragoth is super chill. He intentionally goes out of his way to avoid the main quest and assist other Tarnished along the way. He's stalwart and reliable, and too tough for Patches to handle (Although that's not too impressive an accomplishment, considering that Patches would surrender to a sufficiently aggressive pigeon.)

But he must have done something to piss off the Volcano Manor, which either means he's:

A: A good enough warrior that they want Rykard to eat and absorb him.

B: still loyal to the Golden Order, which is lame as hell.

#31: Smithing Master Hewg

Pros: Good Dad, Good Blacksmith, Good Dude

Cons: Self hating, a little senile.

Reasoning: Oh Hewg, oh how I love thee. He is a dependable ally, kind to others, non-judgemental and hardworking. He takes in Roderika, builds her confidence and basically becomes her adopted dad with the only hesitation coming from him not believing he is good enough for her. He is living proof that the Golden Order is a bunch of big fat dumb racists. They claim that those lesser like the Misbegotten are just vile animals worthy of genocide... but like, that's my buddy you're talking about, that's my boy Hewg. I will fucking stab you in the face before speaking an ill word about Hewg.

Now let me speak an ill word about Hewg.

He is getting a little too old for a serious sexual relationship. He's too wrapped up in his self destructive oath to pursue his own happiness. That makes me feel bad for him, and I am left to dream of a time long past where I could have sucked his balls out through his urethra like i'm drinking boba tea.

#30: Merchant Kalé

Pros: Is a loyal hardworking friend

Cons: Is 'THIS' close to snapping.

Reasoning: Kalé is a great guy. He takes care of us, offers us important items, supplies us with as many throwing knives as we need, and points us in the right direction without asking anything in return...

But sometimes we do get late night texts from him talking about how "he's really gonna do it this time."

He's got some anger issue, or perhaps some frenzied flame issues. And that does put a bit of a damper on our relationship.

#29: Juno Hoslow, Knight of Blood

Pros: A noble and kind warrior

Cons: Kind of a loser, is ugly.

Reasoning: Juno Hoslow is pretty hot as long as he keeps that mask on. He is the golden boy of house Hoslow, and instead of reveling in it, he seemed to genuinely care about his baby brother, and didn't rub his status in his face.

But he also ended up dying in an abandoned shack in the middle of a desolate frozen tundra following a doomed quest. A sad end to all the hopes placed on him by house Hoslow.

Also I looked up all the NPCs without masks while making this list. Have you seen what Juno Looks like? Unfortunately, he's kinda ugly.

#28: Maureen, Second Sister

Pros: Crazy Valkyrie warrior woman.

Cons: Is in a cult, wants to commit parricide.

Reasoning: So... all of the Scarlet Valkyries are fucking smoke shows. Even if they are all rotting and loyal to a piece of shit like Gowry, a warrior woman is a warrior woman.

They are all pretty crazy, in both a sexy and unsexy manner.

If they weren't all trying to kill Millicent, they would be perfect.

Maureen is my least favorite, probably because I personally don't like the treespear much. But King Arthur still couldn't pull me out.

#27: Pollyanna, Youngest Sister

Pros: Crazy Valkyrie warrior woman.

Cons: Is in a cult, wants to commit parricide.

Reasoning: I get good vibes off of Pollyanna. She is willing to help you fight Commander O'Neil, and has the wherewithal to use incantations and strategy.

She is the youngest, and possibly the most naïve of the group, but she seems feisty. I can forgive her for using a gross spell like Pest Threads, since I like it when women are able to shoot white sticky- I can't even finish that joke in good conscience but you can see where I was going with that.

#26: Mary, Eldest Sister

Pros: Crazy Valkyrie warrior woman.

Cons: Is in a cult, wants to commit parricide.

Reasoning: As the oldest, I think she is the most mature and in command. She can probably step on me and push me around but in a nice way. She is also fully blind but can use the Halo Scythe with deadly proficiency, that shows training and dedication. I think she would be cool to hang out with, even if she might be a tad controlling.

#25: Amy, Third Sister

Pros: Crazy Valkyrie warrior woman.

Cons: Is in a cult, wants to commit parricide.

Reasoning: Amy just has the fucking sauce you know? Every screenshot of her looks like she's the protagonist of her own anime. If I we assume that each sister isn't simply a brainwashed clone, I think Amy has the most potential to become her own person.

She has TWO of the flowing curved swords. We the player can only find one per playthrough. How many of these swords exist in the world? An ancient symbol of the blind swordsman who sealed away the Outer God of Rot... why does Gowry let her fight with these? Does he know? I feel like she can break out of Gowry's control if the situation allows.

Basically, I can fix her.

#24: Rya/Zorayas the Scout.

Pros: A wonderful little snake

Cons: Still on her quest of self discovery

Reasoning: Rya is such a good person. She genuinely believes in people, sees good in the world, and holds herself accountable for faults that are not her own. Lady Tanith, who literally feeds heroes to a giant god devouring serpent, can't bring herself to even make Rya cry.

While not the sexiest NPC on the list, she is one of the most "romancable" ones. She would be so happy to find love with a person she trusts, going to bed every night, her long body constricting around her partner content and warm.

But much like Boc, she also needs some time to grow as a person before she is emotionally ready for a relationship. And yes... she can also do better than you.

#23: Sorcerer Rogier

Pros: Kind, Brave, Submissive, Breedable

Cons: Is filled with insects.

Reasoning: Rogier has a lot of interesting dialogue most players miss. Finding the hidden Black Knife assassin, meeting Ranni or progressing Fia's quest tends to skip over a lot of his characterization. He is a pretty honorable man, inquisitive, forgiving, and most importantly, willing to challenge the established order in the spirit of compassion.

He also seems to very much be a bottom, from how easily Fia sexually manipulates him. With little effort, you too can sexually manipulate this man. He IS filled with bugs, but that shouldn't stop you from filling him with something more pleasant.

#22: Dolores the Slumbering Arrow

Pros: A bad bitch

Cons: Is a mind controlled puppet.

Reasoning: An oft overlooked NPC, Dolores haunts the narrative more than you might realize. She was possibly the lover of either Gideon or Selivus, and was tricked into becoming a puppet. But she was evidently a bad bitch back in her day. She is a follower of St. Trina, and pretty everyone loyal to St. Trina is DEEPLY fuckable. She was also able to stand up to Gideon (not a hard thing to do actually, he has no willpower) and potentially kicked his ass back in the day.

I miss my wife, I miss her a lot.

#21: Witch Hunter Jerren

Pros: A man of great resolve

Cons: Witches deserve better.

Reasoning: Jerren is pretty hot. A loyal knight, a brilliant strategist, incredibly gay if his fashion sense is anything to go off of. He has a great deal of honor, and works hard to do the right thing.

But I'm not sure he ever justifies why killing Sellen is the right thing. Maybe he wasn't aware that Sellen's quest to take over Raya Lucaria would ultimately fail, but come on man. So she committed a bit of heresy, god forbid if woman has hobbies.

#20: Eleonora, Violet Bloody Finger

Pros: Crazy hot drake warrior.

Cons: Blood crazed hot drake warrior.

Reasoning: Much like Vyke's Maiden, Elonora is another "woman so hot that men are driven to lustfully madden quests of self destruction to win her back"

She seems like a severe badass, and the only thing better than banging Yura, is banging his crazy ex-wife.

Although blood crazed, I have a theory that Eleonora isn't as insane as she comes across. She has the purifying crystal needed to defeat Mohg, she is a "violet" bloody finger, an odd color choice, and she is the only bloody finger to NOT have the mark of Mohg on her face.

I think she was driven mad by Dragon Communion, not the lord of blood. Maybe her mind has gone to the point where she only remembers her and Yura's quest to eliminate the Bloody Fingers, and now can only pursue it out of animal instinct.

Long story short: we were denied a threesome with her and Yura, either in the bedroom, or the battlefield.

#19: Roderika The Spirit Tuner

Pros: A gentle soul blossoming into a strong woman

Cons: Self Hating, a little Naïve.

Reasoning: I have a lot of faith in Roderika. She started out in such a low place, but through the love of others and the compassion she fostered in others, she developed into a person brave enough to die for a good cause.

Normally, I'd rank her lower, she falls into the same category as Boc and Rya. Rather young characters who are not emotionally equipped for a complex sexual relationship.

But as stated before, I have a lot of Faith in her.

I fully believe that if Roderika manages to escape the burning Roundtable, she would go on to mature into a powerful and brave spirit tuner...

And probably gain the ability to ascend to some higher spiritual plane where she can mind meld with the dead and re-live their experiences. She would gain SO much knowledge and emotional clarity... and when she is finally ready to have sex, she would act all sweet and innocent at first, then without warning unleash a thousands years of sexual experiences upon you in a gigantic blast of spiritual energy. You'd cum while being wiped from existence and your mind scattered to the far edges of the cosmos, and you'd LOVE IT.

#18: Recusant Bernahl

Pros: Daddy

Cons: Tiny bit of a crazed fanatic

Reasoning: In terms of just "regular human dudes." Bernahl is close to the top of the list. He's tall, he's hot, he's understanding, he's just a little glint of crazy in his eyes.

You can kill his lord and he'll just forgive you and move on. He has a ton going on under the surface, never revealing his true motivations, not even up until the end. He does seem to stand in your way on his own quest of fanatical devotion, but that's like, barely even a rude gesture in the context of this world. He's worth it, fuck him as many times as you can manage, and then fuck him six to eighteen times more for good measure.

#17: Blaidd The Half Wolf

Pros: A good boy

Cons: Not as sexy as everyone thinks he is.

Reasoning: This will be a controversial take, but I don't think Blaidd is all THAT fuckable. Don't get me wrong now, he's #17 for a reason. He's reliable, he's tragic, he's tough, he's a giant wolf man capable of folding you in half.

But Blaidd always gave me kinda asexual vibes. He seems very uninterested in romance or even extreme passion. His most emotional moments are in relation to Ranni, whom he genuinely seems to see fully as a sister and nothing else. He is polite but mostly professional to the player, and doesn't even seem all tht homoerotically antagonistic towards his enemies like Darriwil.

He comes across to me personally as casually uninterested in sex.

But if he WASN'T.

Oh lord.

#16: Diallos Hoslow

Pros: So goddamn breedable you can get him pregnant from looking at him too sternly.

Cons: Needs to complete a character arc first.

Reasoning: I really firmly love this twink.

Diallos struggles to be a good person, he fails and he fails and he learns to accept it. He lets go of his revenge, and his family duties all to accept the humble role as Jarburg's Potentate.

He gives up all chances for glory and acclaim to protect the most downtrodden members of society and dies protecting those he can.

Let me smash that twink, let me smash him now.

#15: Tanith, Proprietress of the Volcano Manor

Pros: A good Mom

Cons: A terrible Person

Reasoning: Tanith is a really interesting character. Her character arc is frustratingly unfinished in a sense, which i feel is half the point. Instead of leaving with Rya, or embracing her past as Patches suggests, she resigns herself to the long and horrible task of eating Rykard's body.

Even before that, was implied to be one of the dancers of Ranah, having seduced and schemed all the way up into the graces of a demigod. While I have half a mind to believe that she is actually Daedicar (flayed skin so she wears a mask, might be ashamed to admit she is Rya's biological mother, so distances herself by lying about the adoption.) She is just as interesting as a stand alone character. Even after all she endured, and the pain she went through to care for Rya, she does not waver from her goal of overthrowing the Erdtree. That takes commitment.

And even factoring in how she tricks heroes into becoming fuel for her lord, she STILL can get it.

Any human who can sexually satisfy one of the crazy and lustful children of Marika must be fucking INSANE in bed. I honestly fear some of the positions this woman can bend herself into.

#14: Kindling Maiden Melina

Pros: The only motherfucker in this city who can handle me.

Cons: A little judgemental, is a ghost.

Reasoning: It's really sad how many people don't vibe with Melina. I have always stood by the idea that Melina would feel more pivotal to the plot if she appeared every-time you sat down at a site of grace.

She stands by us our whole journey, through thick and thin, and if she felt like a consistent presence throughout the game, losing her at the mountaintop of the giants would have felt so much more painful, seeing the empty spot where she had once been.

I really like Melina, she's a little weird, she's creepy, she holds a genuine belief in the good of humanity. I also feel that if she had a body, or manner of interacting with the physical world, (which she arguably does, how else could she hand us torrents whistle, or touch us to level up?) She would be just as sexually aggressive as her dear old mother.

She would drain us dry before we could even react. Playing the role of a finger maiden indeed, and playing it well.

#13: Blackguard Big Boggart

Pros: Never met someone with a taste for prawn I couldn't trust.

Cons: Stinky

Reasoning: Boggart is bro who has my back, and he's the definitive bad boy of Elden Ring. He has a sketchy past, but is still a good guy. He might rob the occasional passerby, but in context, that's not even a blip compared to some of the genocidal maniacs on this list.

He looks out for me, he feeds me shellfish, he has a sense of humor.

I can overlook his dirty clothes and unkempt demeanor, We are in this together, and by 'this' I mean each other's assholes. Honestly one of the few NPCs that is marriage material.

#12: Bloody Finger Hunter Yura

Pros: Daddy

Cons: None

Reasoning: See Okina? THIS is what a samurai is.

Sword? Sharpened.

Hat? Big.

Voice? Gravely

Beard? Unkempt

Sex appeal? Off the charts.

The sex would be as fearsome as it is majestic.

#11: Phillia, Towering Little Sister

Pros: LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

Cons: LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

Reasoning:

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

what else can I say, she's a giant woman in need of a birthing droplet (cum)

Continued in Part 4: ->

Next up is the top 10.

<- Part 1 <- Part 2

[in-parkour-civilization]

Kids in Parkour Civilization headcanons: Noobs: Those kids are fucked. Adult noobs wouldn't have the resources to keep kids alive on the noob level. Even if they did, kids would fall into the void because parkour is hard. Pros: Yeah... they're probably used as child labor. Parents with kids would probably take multiple tasks in order to receive more food for them. Fighters: They probably have to go to school, learn the history of Parkour Civilization and the parkour language, as well as other relevant subjects. The schools would probably be religious in nature as well. Kids that learn magical arts like crystal manipulation and brewing stand jumps well would probably brag about it. School on the fighter layer would be run by the Temple authorities. (Yes, this implies that Seawatt went to Parkour School.) Masters: Rich kids, probably treated like princes. Rich kids, probably treated like princes. There would probably be coming of age ceremonies for Masters, like a debutante ball. Master kids would probably be gifted rare blocks to practice parkour with at birthdays/holidays. Instead of public schooling like on the Fighter level, Master kids would have private tutors or be taught by the parents themselves. What rights do kids have? I think teenagers would be allowed to try to rank up, but only full adults would be able to fight the Champion's Duel in order to try to take the throne. Generally, Parkour Battles against children would be discouraged, although Parkour Battles against teenagers would not be unheard of.