#mary oliver save me mary oliver show me how to save myself etc

[lupismaris]

my copy of Upstream arrived at 12:13pm this afternoon and I am already on page 130 of 175 (a few Post-It markers added on first pass through) I'm coming apart at the fuckin seams

[phil-lesterfan]

4, 22, and 61 for the ask game

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

“a pleasure to have in class.” also creative :) i was quiet and bookish and usually writing stories or making comics when we had free time. i used to make my own books and my teachers would read them and put them in our class library ^_^ (copy+pasted from prev ask sorry haha)

22. role model?

amazingphil / phil lester !! i’ve looked up to him ever since i was a kid, like <10 years old. i just think he’s so cool and creative. back when youtube was at its peak, i feel like he and jenna marbles were kind of the brains behind all the “challenges” and “tags” that existed. i also like how he keeps to himself and values his privacy — i have a bad habit of oversharing, but i hold that same value. especially bc in the past i have had a very strong online presence, so it’s good to know what to keep personal and to yourself and what you just… put out there.

and then there’s the fact that he’s driven and gets what he wants; dan jokingly calls him a “sell out”, but it’s like to me if phil wants to do something, it will get done one way or another. and how he went to got his masters for video editing, and also when you can tell he enjoys things. plus, he sticks strongly to his, like… image, which can seem shallow, i know, but when he wanted to keep things more pg, he was so careful about it, and he’s so considerate of his viewers (i’ve made a post abt this in the past, how he reassured the audience he and dan are friends, when i know, if i were a creator, i wouldn’t have even thought abt that fear ppl have).

i know i’m getting parasocial, and phil could be an absolute menace off camera (i’m choosing to ignore what others have said abt him — that he’s really just a decent person 😭), but what he does choose to show, i really respect and admire. also, him coming out and having pride just really makes me happy, especially as a lesbian who has struggled with her sexuality. he makes me feel like things can get better, and seeing gay people older than me be happy and successful is really fulfilling.

61. favourite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

GOD. asking this of a past english and creative writing student is just. cruel.

“dogfish” by mary oliver has inspired my own poetry.

“I wanted / the past to go away, I wanted / to leave it, like another country; […] You don’t want to hear the story / of my life, and anyway / I don’t want to tell it, I want to listen / to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.”

and a certain scene in rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead helped me work through shit about 5 years ago

“… [T]hat isn’t what makes it death. It’s just a man failing to reappear, that’s all — now you see him, now you don’t, that’s the only thing that’s real: here one minute and gone the next and never coming back….”

lastly, and i’m really limiting myself here as i could go on about quotes all day, a quote from the best manga of all time, the cat proposed (化け猫かたって候) by hayane dento

“… Someone, somewhere in this city, is getting ready to take a plunge. Somewhere, a child is crying. Someone has come to a stop, so weighed down that they can’t go any further. I’m holding Kihachi’s hand. He is telling stories again today, stories that may or may not save someone else. And I … am thinking about writing my own story. I’ll start by writing the first letter / of the first word.”

i did not mean for these answers to get so long but one question let me talk about phil (favourite person) while the other let me talk about quotes (i’m in love with writing and language). like. oops but also not really. AUGH. thank u for the ask ^_^ <3

[breadreballion]

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019). I was so excited to watch this movie, after hearing a lot about it on social media. Queer movie, period movie, example of female gaze, etc. All this created an upheaving excitement in me, making me more and more curious as in what does all these terms really represent and how can it be turned into cinema. I had to search a lot, to find this movie on a streaming platform, fortunately, found it on Mubi app. I had a different kind of curiosity related to this movie, thinking, will it help me answer questions I'm looking answer for? Will it satisfy me in a way that I will feel comfortable watching any sex scene without flinching? Really had a lot of questions, and a hope, that this will be different. And it is. I watched it over a two-day span, because it was almost impossible for me to watch in one sitting. Portrait of a lady on fire is a perspective-changing movie, so much so that it turns away the male gaze, and presents the female gaze. What isfemale gaze? Men and women see the world differently, and the world we live in, men's point of view is considerd default, with women also being ascribed that vision of men. As the noted 19th century feminist scholar Simone De Beauvoir wrote,

"Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with the absolute truth."

Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex.

Hypersexualization of women's body, focus shots on breast, the way women are dressed, to look seductive, are just the tip of iceberg as in how male gaze dominates the media we consume. This movie is refreshing in this sense. Firstly, there are no men in this movie, in this plot. A movie about women, directed by women. Women's life, though dominated by men, too exist in thier own sphere, wity thier own character, autonomy and worldviews. In this movie too, Heloise, Marianne, and the maid, Sophie, had thier independent life, independent stories, yet so intertwined. These women, despite having obvious class differences, make such simple relationship, helping each other out, reading, that this looks such a beautiful example of female solidarity; and the movie is such a perfect example of our lives, destiny decided by society- but women just finding thier ways to live, to enjoy, in whatever hidden way they can. Heloise marriage is fixed; one knows it right from the start of movie. The whole purpose of Marianne is to draw a portrait of Heloise for her future suitor, about which Heloise has previously rejected the previous painter and destroyed their efforts because she didn't see her real self in those portraits. Marianne is asked to draw Heloise in a way in which Heloise never gets to know that she's being painted. She accompanies Heloise on walks, spends time with her, observes her, and paint her. Here starts a masterful portrayal of female gaze, how through Marianne eyes, we can see how women observes women, they look at each other, what they focus on, what not. This is refreshing to see in any movie, because women are often for being portrayed for vanity in movies, being an element of sexual contentment. As John Berger has said in "Ways of Seeing"- 

"Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object -- and most particularly an object of vision: a sight"

Movies like Portrait of a lady of fire has two expectations to fulfill- that they are "queer" movies, representing queer people lives- an expectations which is not the case with normal heterosexual romantic movies. The representation has to be very careful in queer movies- as they speak and represent a community. Often this has failed, creating harmful narrative, like in Blue is the Warmest Color- which is a good story of two women, but the director has put so much explicit sex scenes, that too made to sell it as "lesbians fetish." The scenes were so toxic that the actresses themselves while filming them felt most uncomfortable and violated- but the movie is famous around for its sex scenes, and seen as a representation of queer cinema, but ironically it does more harm to queer narrative- as it is a movie made on heterosexual assumption of homosexual lives. As in most movies, women are just there as secondary character, either as an eye candy, or to push the plot for Male character. When Berger says above, "the surveyor of women in herself is Male, the surveyed female" he is talking about how this male dominated, heterosexual narrative rule women's body and their daily performances and how women present themselves, often not to comfort of their own self, but to satisfy the males around. This experience is all to real for most women. All of us has changed our posture, our way of sitting, the way we speak, the language we speak when we are around men, to look more feminine, to look desirable. Movies also, sometimes consciously, most of the times unconsciously promotes this. The norms of femininity, what looks good, what not, etc. and pushes them onto women. Portrait of a lady on fire also does away with that- the raw scene, of Sophie's abortion- and it's recreation later, in a way shows the lives of women as it is for them- no hiding, no airbrushing. Their real experiences depicted as they are felt. This movie is loosely centered around the Greek story of Orpheus, who journeyed to the underworld to plead for the return of his dead wife, Eurydice. Hades, god of underworld, allowed Eurydice to follow Orpheus back to the world of the living, but delimited Orpheus’s sight: if he turned back to look at her, he would lose her forever. Orpheus looked, and was punished with the kind of loss that cracks you open. The movie has a scene, in which Heloise, Marianne and Sophie are reading this story- and they disagree, one saying that he shouldn't have looked, so that his wife could be saved, and other saying that everyone wants a last look of their lover- it's very natural. This story, like the movie, the most crucial element to its core is the act of "seeing". The story of Orpheus depicts how look, how seeing can kill, especially that seeing which is forbidden, unacceptable, but here, instead of lust, desire, is involved, beauty is involved, that seeing is a risk to be taken.

Modern movies have lost the aspect of romance, of falling in love. What is portrayed is love at first sight, or unrequited love, where one partner is aware, other is not. Also, since we live in a hetronormative world, most movies unconsciously have a hetronormative aspect to it- how men and women navigate the start of a relationship, and their desires are often quickly fulfilled in events like one night stand, or getting drunk or making out. This heterosexual romance has been so normalised by society, it is often overlooked that romance, desire and falling in love for homosexual couples is different. The women in this movie, Helenoise and Marianne represents that. The time to know each other, slow building of desire, in a soft, genuine and yet so sensuous way. Looking, observing, and pining.

Portrait of a lady on fire is a refreshing take, first, because for the first time I have found the representation of female gaze in any media I have consumed. The way a woman looks at another woman. Being fed male gaze by popular media throughout, I was surprised to notice sometimes while watching this movie, I felt my eyes focusing on those parts of characters which in scenes later, focused by the camera. The gaze of the female director felt like my own. I saw myself represented.  One more thing I enjoyed is pining. The slow build-up of desire, the realization of falling in love, getting to know each other. Desire in its pure, unadulterated form. 

Watching this movie was once in a lifetime experience. I felt it is my movie. My own. An experience which I never expected. The subtle way topics like abortion, women's friendship, the looming prospect of marriage and of course the art is covered. Looking helps in falling in love, we all know that. But how looking helps in getting to know each other, deeply, movingly and in an forbidden way- is this movie. The love, the romance and ofcourse, in all the right ways- a queer love story is handled. The movie is God tier. I will end it here now, with these lines of Mary Oliver which this movie reminds me-

“You do not have to be good, You only have to let the soft animal of your body, love what it loves.”

[thermie]

h h hewwo owoo 22 / 23 / 29 / 31 / 34 / 50 / 58 / 61 / 88 in any order, and u can also just. pick only those that u want :3

hhhh-ewwwo? I did say I wanted to chat and I desperately do not want to do work or studies so buckle in for a long post (derogatory). 22. role model? Oh man, I don’t think I have any, like, specific ones for entire things, though I do fall in my hero-worship phaes and then fall out of them like everyone else. I think that taking an entire person and being like I wanna be like them is... not for me though. But I do look up to some people for specific things - I look up to, weirdly enough, Abigail Phylosohpytube who I didn’t watch before her coming out for her graceful coming out video though she admits that the experience wasn’t obviously as smooth. I look up to lots and lots of people for their ability to create and their art (not gonna tag my fav artists bc am tiny and do not want people to look at me, but i do be reblogging). I look up to people like ConcernedApe Stardewvalley and Supergiantgames Hades for their ability to put so much soul in their work, smth I aspire to do. I look up to @not-poignant for, among other things, their idk how to say it best, wisdom in understanding and communicating with others and with myself? I’ve learned a lot by just sort of being in their periphery and seeing how they articulate their thoughts and choose to be kind and witness other’s pain. Hell, I look up to twitch streamers and youtubers sometimes (the recent nice trait I’d like to have if I ever went into bigger content production is how ibxtoycat deals with parasocial relationship realities). 23. strange habits? Hm. I don’t think drinking tea whenever I need a pick-me-up is strange, that’s just probably forcefully assigning a British nationality to me. I think my insistence on misspelling words in a way I think is lowkey funny might be one, I say thamks bc it feels softer, or thank bc it’s funny, I say sleeb, I say finkers or tryink or otherwise replace g with k for lulz. I also don’t know if it counts as a habit but I have a small leather band around my wrist that’s been there for a year soon. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I probs have like, stranger habits but I can’t recall rn. 29. best way to bond with you? Hmm. Well, if you show initiative and are explicit about wanting to spend time with me, that’s already a big chance of me spending time with you. And then if our interests match and I don’t think that you’re like, young in a way that automatically puts me in a position where I don’t feel comfortable really being myself around you bc in my head I have to look out for you (it has happened with two of my friends, sigh), and we regularly spend time together, voila, friend acquired. It simultaneously doesn’t take much and takes a bit to be my friend and bond with me - it’s easy af to become a casual friend cuz I’m always open to new people, but there has to be a level of trust to become like, a close friend. Respecting my boundaries, talking shit with me, being explicitly committal about wanting to bond with me are big steps that way. 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Uh, I don’t do neither, but a current fave that is reasonably badass is my black tshirt with like, a ritual circle and a deer skull. V edgy, 10/10. I also used to have like a real edgy tshirt with a jester and some dice that said the game of life, but I threw it out bc dysphoria. or maybe I put it at the back of my closet along with one other shirt In Case I Get Top Surgery so I can wear them then. 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Many, such is the nature of advertising, alas. I have managed to avoid most of it tbh though, so the only place I am forced to sit through ads so they stick is my scrabble capitalist nightmare app where I play and always beat haha my coursemate. And they have adds for those shitty apps where you have to solve a puzzle that ends up failing in the add and like, drenching a man in green goo. I find those kinda fascinating tbh. Who plays these games? Who plays these shitty shitty games whose ad has to be “prove your IQ“ to make you want to prove yourself to play them? Oh and also, the insidious nature of ads in media I consume - the mcelroys have gotten me informed about many many things bc they do it in a funny way. Have you heard about squarespace? What about meundies? I also literally installed honey yesterday that I knew abt bc of the relentless adds and I wanted to save, uh, 2.50 from my minecraft server purchase (and then spent some time googling how they make money before giving up. just say u sell my data, that’s easier than not knowing what part of this makes you money). I was tired and in a weird mood, ok. 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? It’s always the stupidest jokes, what matters more is laughing together with someone and getting caught in a laughing loop. I still remember laughing with my siblings until our stomachs really really hurt bc I think one of us said a rug was vomit-colored and it was funny in the moment. How many times have I laughed like that with you too, vit. I know that Laura’s one is nostrilatu, right? :D :D It’s just something that catches you off guard, I think.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Oh shid. Hm. 1) My ability to analyze data and understand the basic building blocks of something. Makes me cool at studying and sexy at explaining things to my course-mates. 2) Not a talent more like a skill that I’ve worked hard on through therapy - but my inner positive voice/healthy parent is very strong and automatic (something I was sure would never happen). A good example is me going out for a walk, my phone dying so I can’t listen to music, when I went in my head “well I can always make music in my head. do-do-do *drum sound*“ and I could feel the wave of self-reprimand cresting but before I could actually hear any negative comments the positive voice said with a light of a thousand suns NO THAT IS ACTUALLY CUTE AND SEXY and just haaaaaaah. 3) I sing good. Need to sing more. 4) I think I’m good at making conversation. Even with people I don’t necessarily like or want to talk to. More of a skill again but whatever. 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? Do not come to me and ask for favorites, witch. Uh, I have some quotes in my notes app, like 7 from Pia’s writing :D. But imma go with “It’s a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world“ by Mary Oliver. It counts, ok. Or, wait, something I will for real one day either crosstitch of commission shitpostcalligrapher: “t’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. “What are we holding onto Sam?” “There’s good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.“” 88. your greatest wish? Hrm. Right now? To have like a couple days with no responsibilities and without the outside world bearing on me as heavily, to be tiny tiny tiny so I’m invisible and can drink tiny tea on a tiny leaf. Uh, in general? My recently formulated wish or a goal is stability/peace. Then everything else becomes ok because you can bounce back to stable ground between feeling shit or everything happening so much. And I’ve sort of reached that. Also like, half a million euros would be nice too so I can get a house and a car and go on a few trips abroad. :D // there’s two ask memes in my blog recently, go wild

[whatsarasaid]

a/n: For @eri-223​′s week of birthday prompts. The theme for April 19th was birds.

title: thrushes. fandom: death stranding. rating: teen & up. word count: approx. 900. characters: higgs monaghan, fragile.

—

while birds exploded into heavenly

hymns of rough song and the vultures

drifted like black angels and clearly nothing

needed to be saved.

Mary Oliver, from At Loxahatchie

—

‘Urgent: First-Class Priority Package in need of attention.’

Higgs grunted at the message as it blipped across his screen.

For years his clientele had been preppers, and their requests were often made up of the essentials: oxytocin tablets, hydroponic parts, reams of timefall-resistant fabric, etc. Rarely had he gotten a ‘first-class priority’ shipment. Precious breakables? Sure, every now and then for sentimental things. But since merging with Fragile Express, he’d begun to receive pings for his approval on these fancy delicate payloads. A broader customer base changed so much.

Higgs’ boots clopped down the metal stairs from the office to the main sorting floor. Giving nods and a few shoulder claps to the former Western Courier Co. employees he recognized, he made his way to the priority shipping hub. There, Fragile was speaking with a blue-clad Bridges porter, who was gesturing over a small metal crate with holes bored into the sides.

His curiosity piqued. It wasn’t every day one saw the competition chatting it up like they were long-standing colleagues discussing the weather.

“Oh good, you’re here,” Fragile turned as she noticed him, “Bridges needs for this to be delivered to a scientist out west, but obviously their routes don’t extend that far. It can’t be caught in timefall at any point. It also needs extra care once a day. I’d take it myself, but I need to get the ships out of the harbor as soon as possible. You up for it?”

Higgs crossed his arms and ticked his chin toward the box, “You gotta tell me why that little thing is so high-maintenance first. Seems like a mighty big fuss goin’ on over it.”

“May I show him?” Fragile asked the Bridges porter. He nodded. Popping open the fasteners, she removed the lid and reached in to withdraw the frailest creature Higgs had ever seen: a wood thrush. It was only the size of Fragile’s already small hand. She held it out to him, and without thinking, he took it.

Fuckin’ flimsy thing. Its talons skip-scattered over the leather of his gloves, emphasizing that it was nothing more than toothpick bones and feather wisps. He was about to ask why the hell he was holding something that could just fly off when he noticed that its pinions were bound.

The sight sat ill with him. How different was that metal cage from his steel bunker? How different were this creature’s fettered wings? Bringing his other hand to his mouth, he tugged off his glove with his teeth and then let it drop to the floor. With more empathy he could ever muster for any human, he slipped his fingertips along the animal’s silken brown feathers.

The fluorescent lighting glinted off the box as he glanced up.

He fought the urge to snap the bird’s neck out of mercy.

Before he could entertain that thought further, Fragile’s hand cupped beneath his to take it back. The thing cheerfully hopped over to her palm and even warbled a few notes. She set it back into the cage with a soft apology and gently replaced the lid with a snap.

The Bridges employee piped up, “Manifest says they’re going to help with ecotoxicology studies. The UCA is hoping they could tell us more about the effects of chiralium.”

Fragile looked taken aback, “They’re going to experiment on them?”

“Songbirds are special.”

“Why’s that?”

“Smart, I think.”

“Well, I for one,” Higgs interrupted, setting his hand on his chest with a slight bow, “am grateful to be a part of such a noble endeavor. I’ll tell ya what, Bridges, this might even be the beginning of a partnership between our companies. Might be able to make more of these special runs for ya’ll in the future.”

“Sure,” the Bridges’ employee smiled, “I’ll pass your interest along to the higher-ups.”

Fragile’s eyebrows shot into her hairline, but she covered her confusion with a diplomatic handshake as she wished the Bridges employee a friendly farewell.

As soon as the rival porter was out of sight, Higgs snatched the box from the sorting table and beelined for the surface ramp, cloak fanning out. Paperwork still in hand, Fragile went chasing after him, barking his name and shouting at him to hold up.

Her protests fell on deaf ears.

Bursting to out onto the loading dock, he clawed the cage open, letting the top clatter to the asphalt. Taking the birds out one-by-one, he steadily unpicked the lacing around their wings and set them loose. Their chatter filled the silvery sky, obscuring the rumble of far-off thunder. Fragile came to stand beside him as he watched them flutter toward the upturned rainbow forming in the distance.

“What the hell, Higgs?” She opened her arms, incredulous, “Do you know how much this is going to cost us?”

“Worth it, sweetheart.”

She rolled her eyes, shoving his forgotten glove into his chest, and then pointed  an accusing finger at him, “You’re going to fix this.”

“Of course,” he said, still staring out as the birds soared up toward the rolling clouds, “But let me let you in on a little secret: it doesn’t matter.”

Scoffing, Fragile turned on heel and left him standing amongst the pieces of busted cage.

He pulled his hood up.

Timefall and thrushes pattered down.

end.

[stormyniqhts-blog]

hey, guys!! i’m sora and i’m happy to be here. i just want to start off by talking a bit about myself. such as having a love for anime, disney movies, doggos, and uhh, i’m also recently binge watching stranger things s3. anyway, this will be a super mega intro post as i’ll be putting all my charas into one intro, so here’s info on julie tran, layla evans, frankie sullivan, and dylan grayson!!

edit: i also have a general plots page, but i’m open to anything outside of it!

if you want to go through a specific chara, all you have to do is ctrl+f and type “--chara name”

--JULIE TRAN

* lana condor. twenty-three. female. she/her. | did you see julie tran this morning on main street? i heard they were heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for all her life and last time i spoke to them, they were a sales associate. if i remember correctly, they’re a scorpio and they remind me of colorful striped tops, lazy sundays, sunbathing probably because they’re sociable and prim.

about

things seemed like a picture perfect image for the girl when she was young. she helped her family with chores, worked hard in elementary and middle school classes, etc. however, by the time high school rolled around, her relationship with her parents weren’t exactly the same. she realized her dream of becoming a fashion designer, which they didn’t approve on due to how they wanted their daughter to work in the medical field.

at first, she agreed on dropping the dream and went on with doing well in her classes. except, she never gave up on her dream. when she finally graduated high school, she moved out of her parents’ place with saved up money and hardly talked to them since then. she felt guilty for not being who they wanted her to be, but being away felt better than trying to be someone she didn’t picture herself as.

soon, her parents decided to move away too and the relationship between her and them became more estranged. now, she’s in the process of improving her designs while working as a sales associate.

tl;dr basically a girl who wants to be a fashion designer someday and has an estranged relationship with her parents.

details

pinterest

character aesthetic + inspo

disgust (inside out), wendy darling (peter pan), tori vega (victorious), lara jean covey (to all the boys i’ve loved before), jane sloan (the bold type), lady (lady & the tramp), mabel pines (gravity falls), cher horowitz (clueless).

traits

insecure, loyal, motherly, organized, passive, picky, prim, self-righteous, sociable.

personality

she’s basically a mom friend. anything you’ll need, she’ll more than likely have it. she’s also always there for her loved ones no matter what, whether it’s early in the morning or late at night.

she tends to think of her friends and others before herself. adding onto this, she tends to not say no to others because of how helpful she wants to be, so at times, she’ll feel overwhelmed or exhausted.

the reason why insecure is added is because she feels as if she’s quite bland. that there’s really no unique trait about her. sure, she cares about others, but she feels there are so many people in the world that are also caring and it’s not exactly something different.

julie can also be quite self-righteous because she thinks she knows what’s best for people and just doesn’t realize she may bring harm.

aesthetics

colorful striped tops, lazy sundays, sunbathing, single-colored sunglasses, ponytails with ribbons, white blouses with collars, cup of tea, clothes organized by color.

style

she’s known to wear black mary janes, neutral colors or single-colored outfits, and is usually seen wearing blouses with skirts or dresses. once in a while, she’ll wear a patterned top or bottoms.

headcanons

she’ll always have necessary things in her bag. such as snacks, band-aids, tylenol, tissues, etc.

as she dreams of being a fashion designer, she has sketchbooks filled with clothing designs.

she has a small orange kitten named oliver (because of oliver & company)

--LAYLA EVANS

* danielle campbell. twenty-eight. cis female. she/her. | did you see layla evans this morning on main street? i heard they weren’t heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for all her life and last time i spoke to them, they were a worker at twice new and housekeeper at horizon suites. if i remember correctly, they’re a leo and they remind me of matching lace bras & thongs, waves crashing against the shore, piggyback rides probably because they’re adventurous and stubborn.

about (tw: mentions of death & abuse)

one would think she’s the happiest girl alive with her parents. they would spend a lot of time together, watch layla during her ballet recitals, and eat dinner at the dining table every night. things were immediately different the moment her dad passed away when she was nine years old. since then, her mom began ignoring her because of how much the girl reminded her of her husband. layla learned to take care of herself soon enough.

things were spiraling down from there. once she was in middle school, she started rebelling and causing trouble. she destroyed properties, stole from stores, etc. when she became a high schooler, she started failing classes and took summer school, partied almost every night, drank a lot, and almost got expelled. the only reason she didn’t was because her advisers and teachers gave her a second chance to improve. she ended up taking it. by her junior year, her behavior was improving gradually and worked harder at bringing up her gpa. the reason why she took the second chance was because of her dream to be a best-selling author and to go to college. which she was accepted into.

nonetheless, she may not be a writer at the moment, that doesn’t mean she plans to forget her dream. she just wants to use up more time to improve on her writing. she’s talked to multiple publishers and is just continuing to grow for now.

tl;dr she’s had a rough past and just wants to be a best-selling author.

details

pinterest

character aesthetics + inspo

n/a

traits

adventurous, childish, impulsive, obstinate, promiscuous, valiant, vulgar

personality

layla’s very outgoing and sociable. she loves hanging out with people, whether it’s going to a party, drinking, going out for food, road trips, or just having a simple picnic or laying on the ground to look at stars. she’s just always looking to have fun and definitely a party animal. almost any party you see, she’ll be there. 

she also stands up for those who are close to her heart and can be reliable as she’s there for them no matter what. 

nonetheless, once in awhile she’ll get an idea and quickly act on it. and even though she can be wrong at times, it does take her a moment to admit it.

aesthetics

a journal full of words, matching lace bras & thongs, waves crashing against the shore, piggyback rides, the comfort of someone being there, wanting to hear the words ‘i’m proud of you’, hands gripping bed sheets, police sirens, worn out ballet shoes.

style

basically her fashion consists of all kinds of shorts (mainly booty shorts and ripped ones), crop tops, oversized hoodies and shirts, spandex shorts, tops that show off cleavage, fishnets, and occasionally skirts + denim, ripped jeans. 

she has a few very nice dresses too.

headcanons

she has this tattoo on the back of her left arm and this tattoo in the same area.

she’s bisexual and proud of it.

other labels that can define her: the dirtbag, the halcyon.

one of her most prized possessions is a necklace her dad gave her.

--FRANKIE SULLIVAN

* chloe bennet. thirty-one. cis female. she/her.  |  did you see frankie sullivan this morning on main street? i heard they weren’t heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for 2 months and last time i spoke to them, they were a ceo of a florist company. if i remember correctly, they’re a virgo and they remind me of a hot cup of starbucks coffee, plants scattered throughout the bedroom, reading alone in a library probably because they’re generous and reserved.

about

a girl who was born in las vegas, nv. she had wonderful parents that divorced when she was fourteen. however, she didn’t mind it at all. she was happy as long as they were. plus, she wanted a bigger family, so if they were going to remarry to other people, she was oddly okay with it too. mainly because of how she always wanted a bigger family since she’s an only child. eventually, that was what happened. five years ago, her dad remarried and soon, frankie had a step-mom and step-sibling. at first, she cared about them due to how much family already meant to the girl, but as months became years, she soon grew suspicious over the relationship between her step-mom and dad.

years ago, she was betrayed by her closest friends and now has a cynical view because she wasn’t able to forgive them. she was told multiple times to get over it, but couldn’t. she continued to wonder how people can be so close then do something harsh to another. it still astonishes her now and from that point on, she didn’t really let anyone into her life, thoughts, or feelings.

tl;dr one who prefers being with plants than people

details

pinterest

character aesthetics + inspo

n/a

traits

adaptable, distant, generous, grouchy, reserved, responsible

personality

she tends to be pessimistic because of her past and doesn’t want history to repeat itself, so she tends to not get too close to others. she may have two or three friends, but that’s about it. plus, she can be quite rude and cold-hearted to push others away.

however, she’s also very giving when it comes to charities because with so much money, she still wants to be kind to others, especially those who are in need.

when things change in her life, however, she faces them head on and is just calm about it.

aesthetics

walk-in closets but wearing the same 5 outfits, walking through trails, smelling fresh air, having polaroids of flowers, black hair ties, not needing glasses but wearing them for fashion, stacks of books that were actually used and read, a hot cup of starbucks coffee, plants scattered throughout the bedroom, a person reading alone in a library, being the wallflower at a party

style

most of her style is denim and single-colored tops with a lot of neutral colors. she tends to leave her hair longer than her shoulders and mainly leaves it down, but will put it in a ponytail once in a while.

headcanons

can be labeled as the anthomaniac or the recluse.

she comes from old money from her dad and new money from her mom.

the idea of frankie was originally from wanting to play a flower child, but not in a stereotype way.

she owns a florist company, but wants to place a shop in ballard.

she has this tattoo on her side.

her whole apartment is filled with plants, real and fake.

she has an ex who cheated on her when they were dating.

frankie prefers to use her time indoors watching movies/tv shows, taking care of her plants, reading, or simply going on the internet. 

if anything, she’s mainly the type to have a one night stand, but has kept only three or four friends with benefits all her life. and has one or two close friends.

--DYLAN GRAYSON

* rose park. twenty-four. cis female. she/her.  |  did you see dylan grayson this morning on main street? i heard they weren’t heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for five months and last time i spoke to them, they were a voice actress & influencer. if i remember correctly, they’re an aries and they remind me of red lipstick, dealing with chaos behind doors, uploading youtube videos probably because they’re driven and shallow.  

about

since she was a baby, she was already adopted by mr. and mrs. grayson, a well-known old money family. past generations owned a huge company for properties and built malls across the country. which didn’t seem like such a big deal to the girl growing up. all she cared about was belonging somewhere and being with a family. she was even happier to have grown up with siblings. even her biological parents hardly came to mind because she was happy where she was. however, the older she became, the more chaotic her family seemed. there would be scandals written in articles about her family, secrets being revealed, and it felt dramatic fights happened almost every week. nonetheless, it didn’t matter to the girl. she was extremely loyal to her parents and siblings. she swore she’d do anything for them.

for her childhood, she grew up in ballard and she’s loved the town deep down. she thought about how cute the place was and cherished everyone. a reason why when she left during the beginning of high school, she was quite sad for a while. soon enough, she got over it though. she attended a private school, made friends with multiple people, and eventually graduated. moving onto college, she went to nyu then later on received both bachelor’s and master’s in business. during her time in college, however, the town centre mall was already built and didn’t hear word of it at the moment. eventually, thinking she was mature enough and able to handle it herself, she was given the town centre mall as a gift at the age of twenty-four.

tl;dr she was adopted from a rich family, that she loves very much, and now owns the town centre mall

details

pinterest

character aesthetics + inspo

the carringtons (dynasty 2017), fallon carrington (dynasty 2017), serena van der woodsen (gossip girl), stella (winx club)

traits

ambitious, cautious, driven, loyal, protective, shallow, materialistic

personality

she’s very determined and hard-working. when she wants something, she’ll do better than doing her best and work on getting it.

with being materialistic and shallow, she tends to think about appearance first. during her high school years, she 

aesthetics

microphones, red lipstick, dealing with chaos behind doors, uploading youtube videos, studio booths, scripts, shopping bags with expensive brand names, diamond necklaces, family portraits

style

80% of the time, she’ll be seen wearing a dress or matching 2-piece outfits. the other 20% are filled with patterned tops, jeans, faux fur coats, and skirts. a bit less than half of the dresses she own are sparkly too. while her shoes are mainly high heels and knee boots. as for her hair, she mostly leaves it down. she’ll also be seen wearing jewelry everyday.

headcanons

the girl just loves to go shopping. she’ll take anyone to go shopping with.

the reason one of her occupations is voice actress is because during her summers in high school and college, she took up jobs in voice acting since she wanted to go out into the entertainment business for a while, but didn’t quite feel comfortable singing or acting for tv shows and movies. she just preferred being in a booth and saying lines.

as for influencer, it started during her high school years as she mainly gave fashion advice and worked on make-up tutorials.

[marklipinski]

 If you missed our last Facebook LIVE live video, here it is!  Please feel free to leave a question or comment.  All are answered.  xoxom

Here are the links to the subjects we spoke about in this episode:

Not Kid(ney)-ing Around

As my search for a life-saving kidney continues, I find that I am now .2 points from having to start dialysis.  In my research, I have most likely decided on hooking myself up, through the stomach, each day and trying to maintain some kind of life from home.  Those who have been in end stage kidney failure tell me that I may actually feel better than I have been (and it’s been pretty grim on some days) and a friend who shall remain nameless [Marie Bostwick] pointed out that I am the biggest homebody in the universe . . . and it’s not like I ever go anywhere anyway. LOL

So I’m still on steroids so sporting a coffin neck is one thing, but now my chipmunk cheeks eclipse my coffin neck!  Shroud cheeks?    So, while I may look like this:

I feel like this:

MR. ELECTRIC CONTINUES ON HIS BOOK TOUR

Mr. Electric’s book, Who Broke the Vase? finally launched and is available in bookstores (local and big box, like Barnes and Noble, etc.)  and other booksellers (even Wal-Mart, etc) around the country!  If you would like an autographed copy of his book (personalized to you or yours) order yours here:  http://bit.ly/2nI6Rj6

       Who Broke the Vase? Quilt

The Who Broke the Vase? quilt is finally finished and beautifully quilted by my buddy Janice Jamison. The kit will be available for pre-orders by the end of this week (I’m just waiting for a final [brand new] back ordered fabric to be shipped)!  I’ll post here and on Facebook as soon as the quilt is listed in the Pickle Road Studios online store.  Because I’m not a brick and mortar shop, I’m  limiting the number of kit sales, so first come first served.

Up next, patterns for lots of different Who Broke the Vase? projects . . .

and

Mr. Electric;s newest book (published in October 2017), Who Am I?

LEARNING

Book Binding

I took a bookbinding class with Linda Lum DeBono  at the Printmaking Center of NJ located in Branchburg, New Joisey.

  At the Printmaking Center of New Jersey with quilter/author/fabric designer, Linda Lum DeBono.

The printmaking design and class studio…

Bookbinding II class at the Printmaking Center of New Jersey

Samples of the books I produced in the class…

Our teacher, Dave DiMarchi of 9 in Hand Press.

Linda Lum DeBono binding her book

L

Printmaking

Quilters Jill Edwards, Brad Pitt, and Meg Cox in the Printmaking on Fabric class at the New Hope- Solebury Community School in wonderful New Hope, Pennsyltucky.   This class is also taught by 9 in Hand Press owner, Dave DiMarchi.

The New Hope Solebury High School where our classes take place.

Some of the supplies we use in class

Take Our Poll

Our first attempt at printing on paper

My Ugly Angel experiment on paper and baby wipes…

My planned layout of cardboard cutouts that I was to print onto fabric

I dropped the damned apple onto the orange, then the time for clean up began.  Still not finished, but you get the drift.

Jill Edwards and Meg Cox giving their projects the side-eye.

MONDO BAG

Cover of the Quiltsmart Mondo Bag pattern!

A sample of the Mondo Bag I bogarted from Liza Lucy’s studio…

An inside view (it’s super roomy)

Here, Quiltsmart owner, Maddie (whom I love love love), gives a tutorial on how to make your own Mondo Bag using her Quiltsmart pattern!

Visit the Glorious Color website to get your complete kit to make your own version of the Mondo Bag

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COMPLETE KIT

eats

MARK’S OLIVE OIL COOKIE RECIPE

What you need . . .

4 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup sugar

2 teaspoons cinnamon

1 tablespoon baking powder

3/4 cup olive oil

1 teaspoon lemon oil

1 teaspoon orange oil

1 teaspoon almond oil

1/2 cup half and half or whole milk

2 eggs

1 cup confectioners’ sugar

1 teaspoon meringue powder

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon flavored oil such as orange, lemon, almond, or anise, etc. (optional)

colored jimmies, colored non-perils, or coarse sanding sugar (optional)

warm milk or water

Directions . . .

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

You can mix this by hand but I use my KitchenAid mixer using the dough attachment. In the mixing bowl, mix flour, baking powder, cinnamon and sugar and mix it well.  Next, add olive oil, half and half, the flavored oils, and eggs. Turn on the mixer to a medium setting and mix the ingredients together until the dough forms into a ball and away from the sides of the mixing bowl.

Grab small pieces of dough and roll them into 1″ balls and place them on a parchment paper covered cookie sheet, about an inch apart. They’ll puff up just a tiny bit during baking. Before putting them into the oven flatten their tops a little by gently pressing the top of each ball with the bottom of a drinking glass – just a little. Bake for 9 -10 minutes.

To Make Icing: Blend vanilla, flavored oil (optional), meringue powder, and enough warm milk to the confectioner’s sugar to form a smooth icing.

Dip the cookies into the icing and dry the cookies on a wire cake rack or directly on waxed paper. While the icing is still wet sprinkle them with colored non-perils, jimmies, or coarse sanding sugar.

HOMEMAKERS COUNTRY QUILTERS

Website: www.homemakerscountryquilters.org

ON MY WAY HOME

My visit with Mother Therese of Jesus

This is the cloister.  It’s huge.  On the bottom left side of the photo, beyond the trees is the terra cotta roofed mausoleum where the nuns are buried.

Some of the Carmelites in the cloister ages ago. I am told that there are only 4 cloistered nuns in the compound, the youngest in her 70’s.

Guess who?  Kinda creepy to me, but many cultures take photos of their deceased loved ones.

The tomb

The Grille

The Turn

One of the most amazing windows inside the shrine.  Each piece was made in Germany and sent to the United States for this building.

The Walmart Fat Quarter and now 3rd degree relic

Kidney Mary and Bonnie on the day we visited the National Centre for Padre Pio in Barto, Pennsylvania, where I created a 3rd degree relic brown fat quarter.

This is the wildest book about “Incorruptibles”!  I bought it, read it, then gave it away at some point. Just adding it in case you’re interested or think I’m cra cra . . . or both.  You can also Google “Incorruptibles” fo,r more information

The Incorruptibles: A Study of the Incorruption of the Bodies of Various Catholic Saints and Beati

SPEAKING OF MIRACLES

Here’s a part of a note I received from North Carolina quilter, Jane Lemley, dated August 18, 2015:

‘. . . Also, wondering if you ended up with my wooden pen that you used to sign 3 issues of your magazine after the meeting.  My friend, Clare, borrowed my pen for you to use.  It wouldn’t matter except that it was my Mom’s and she has passed away.  If not, no worries…maybe it’s on it’s way back to her!

Thanks again for your wonderful program!  May Slow Stitching stay with us always.

Sincerely, Jane Lemley”

JANE!  I FOUND YOUR PEN in my PROJECTOR CASE!!!  

PLEASE CALL ME at (908)876-1208

IF YOU KNOW JANE, PLEASE LET HER KNOW! 

Look what else I found in that darn case!  LOL  No kidding…

I’m going to sew my SUPER FLY on (or else culturally appropriate Mrs. Roper)

CAPE MAY QUILT & FIBER ARTS SHOW

Historic Cold Spring Village Quilt and Fiber Arts Show

June 24th and 25th.

Historic Cold Spring Village; 720 Route 9; Cape May, NJ

I’ll be speaking there both days.  Mr. Electric will be at the Historic Cold Spring Village Country Store with copies of his book and book readings for the kiddies!

Visit the Historic Cold Spring Village website here: https://hcsv.org/

Both days will feature demonstrations and vendors of quilting, textiles, knitting, crocheting, basket weaving, broom making, wool dyeing, sheep shearing and more! On Saturday, visitors may vote for their favorite quilts in the Welcome Center at the Viewer’s Choice Quilt Show, and on Sunday continue to enjoy the display and see the winners.  A rare wedding quilt, c. 1714, handmade by Cape May Countian Sarah Spicer, will be on display in the Welcome Center for its annual appearance. The quilt was restored in 2012 through a grant from the Cape May County Culture and Heritage Commission. Regional vendors are attending with quilting and sewing fabrics, yarn, baskets, supplies, and equipment to help inspire the creation of an heirloom project.

NEW BOOKS

Zen Doodle Calm

It’s out in October!

SENT

Thanks for the laugh, Kathy.

I found out that The Jolly Taxpayer Hotel which was built in 1906 was taken down 7-8 years ago and is now the Jameson House, an office and condo tower that was built in 2011.

Before and after

Before

After

Oh, and it was never a gay bar LOL

CALL YOUR SHOP

Tell your local shopkeeper that the Auriful’s  BEST SELLING THREAD COLLECTION, THE BASICS COLLECTION, is on sale at Checker.  Have you shop order a few.  If you don’t have one, buy one.  You will not regret it.

Yes, I sell them in my online store, but I would love it if you supported (or at least tried to support) your local brick and mortar quilt shop!  xoxom

  CATALOGS & MAGAZINES

Uppercase Magazine

The newest Uppercase issue has arrived!  Get yours here 

Spoonflower Catalog

A catalog? Ask for one here 

Take Our Poll

Sew News

I love this magazine!  There is always something I’m interested in (and I don’t sew clothing nor do I consider myself a “sewist”).  Find out about Sew News here 

      SHOWS

Mary Schaefer

This is the Gwen Marston book I referenced this week.

`

Catch the show, The Mary Schafer Collection: A Legacy of Quilt History at the Mercer Museum

in Doylestown, Pennsylvania until August 13.

https://www.mercermuseum.org

SPEAK YOUR WORDS, OWN YOUR TRUTH

and PUSH BACK AGAINST INJUSTICE and BULLYING

FACEBOOK LIVE with Mark Lipinski and Mr. Electric, May 21, 2017  If you missed our last Facebook LIVE live video, here it is!  Please feel free to leave a question or comment.