#marvin allister

[illustrioussanguine]

PSINK_MUSIC

[whosplayerthree]

Found a message with no context I wrote in my private "notes to self" discord server that just says "my comrade in autism marvin the martian is about to destroy the earth, but then someone hands him a fidget cube, and he decides to call off his plan because the earth finally created something of value"

[courtillyy]

moodboard: autistic aro bess marvin

[color-picked-pride-flags]

album cover of surgery by machinery of the human heart (bonus points for trans flag since Marvin Allister Machinery of the Human Heart has been sharing his vocal journey with them being on testosterone which is super cool)

[chipadequeso]

allistic npd marvin falsettos real and true Sorry you cant convince me otherwise

[colossal-niamh]

Saw Kenny Omega talking about rating matches and it reminded me how dumb Meltzer's star ratings are. So now I wanna list of my Totally Better Than Dave 5-Star List of matches that cap out at 5 because who makes a serious ranking system then breaks it 59 times:

Macho Man vs Ricky Steamboat, Wrestlemania 3

Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat, Chi-Town Rumble

Ric Flair vs Terry Funk, Clash of the Champions 9

Mitsuharu Misawa vs Jumbo Tsuruta, 6/8/90

Bull Nakano vs Aja Kong, 11/14/90

Super Generation Army vs Tsuruta Gun, 4/20/91

Mitsuharu Misawa vs Toshiaki Kawada, 10/21/92

Sting vs Vader, 12/28/92

Shinobu Kandori vs Akira Hokuto, Dream Slam 1

Bret Hart vs Owen Hart, Wrestlemania 10

Terry Funk vs Atsushi Onita, 5/5/93

Mitsuharu Misawa vs Toshiaki Kawada, 6/3/94

Akira Taue vs Mitsuharu Misawa, 4/15/95

Manami Toyota vs Aja Kong, 6/27/95

Juventud Guerrera vs Rey Misterio, 3/9/96

Kaientai DX vs Gran Hamada, Gran Naniwa, Masato Yakushiji, Super Delfin, and Tiger Mask 4, 10/10/96

Bret Hart vs Stone Cold, Wrestlemaina 13

Mitsuharu Misawa vs Toshiaki Kawada, 6/6/97

Rey Misterio vs Eddie Guerrero, Halloween Havoc 97

Vader vs Mitsuharu Misawa, 10/30/99

Kenta Kobashi vs Vader, 2/27/00

Atlantis vs Villano III, 3/17/00

Steve Corino vs Yoshihiro Tajiri, 5/14/00

Triple H vs Cactus Jack, Royal Rumble 2000

E&C vs The Hardy Boys vs The Dudley Boys, Wrestlemania X-7

Kenta Kobashi vs Mitsuharu Misawa, 3/1/03

Brock Lesner vs Kurt Angle, 9/18/03

Eddie Guerrero vs Brock Lesner, 2/15/04

Samoa Joe vs CM Punk, 10/16/04

Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels, Wrestlemania 21

Kenta Kobashi vs Kensuke Sasaki, 7/18/05

Mitsuharu Misawa vs Toshiaki Kawada, 7/18/05

Necro Butcher vs Samoa Joe, 6/11/05

Kenta Kobashi vs Samoa Joe, 10/1/05

AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe 12/11/05

John Cena vs Rob Van Dam, 6/11/06

Bryan Danielson vs Nigel McGuinness, 8/12/06

KENTA vs Bryan Danielson, 9/16/06

Samoa Joe vs Takeshi Morishima, 2/16/07

The Briscoes vs El Generico and Kevin Steen, 8/10/07

Nigel McGuinness vs Takeshi Morishima, 10/6/07

Undertaker vs Edge, wrestlemania 24

Samoa Joe vs Kurt Angle, 4/13/08

Nigel McGuinness vs Bryan Danielson, 11/22/08

Bryan Danielson vs Takeshi Morishima, 12/27/08

Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels, wrestlemania 25

KENTA vs Ricky Marvin, 10/15/09

Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels, Wrestlemania 26

El Generico vs Kevin Steen, 12/18/10

Eddie Kingston vs Claudio Castagnoli, 3/13/11

CM Punk vs John Cena, 7/17/11

Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton, 6/24/13

CM Punk vs John Cena, 2/15/13 Daniel Bryan vs John Cena, 8/18/13

Sami Zayn vs Cesaro, 2/27/14

Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton vs Batista, Wrestlemania 30

Sami Zayn vs Adrian Nevile, 12/11/14

Bayley vs Sasha Banks, 8/22/15

Atlantis vs La Sombra, 9/18/15

Shinsuke Nakamura vs AJ Styles, 1/4/16

Sami Zayn vs Shinsuke Nakamura, 4/6/16

Kenny Omega vs Hiroki Goto, 8/14/16

DIY vs The Revival, 11/19/16

Kenny Omega vs Kazuchika Okada, 1/11/17

AJ Styles vs John Cena 1/29/17

Katsuyori Shibata vs Kazuchika Okada, 4/9/17

Kenny Omega vs Kazuchika Okada, 6/11/17

Allister Black vs Adam Cole, 1/27/18

Kenny Omega vs Kazuchika Okada, 6/9/18

Undisputed Era vs Danny Birch & Oney Lorcan, 6/16/18

Brock Lesner vs Daniel Bryan, 11/18/18

Briscoes vs SCU vs The Young Bucks, 12/14/18

WALTER vs Pete Dunne, 4/6/19

Kofi Kingston vs Daniel Bryan, Wrestlemania 35

Cody vs Dustin Rhodes, 5/25/19

WALTER vs Tyler Bate, 8/31/19

Jon Moxley vs Kenny Omega, 11/9/19

Kenny Omega & Hangman Adam Page vs The Young Bucks, 2/29/20

Cody vs Brody Lee, 10/7/20

WALTER vs Ilja Dragunov, 10/29/20

Wheeler Yuta vs Daniel Garcia, 8/8/21

WALTER vs Ilja Dragunov, 8/22/21

Bryan Danielson vs Kenny Omega, 9/22/21

CM Punk vs Eddie Kingston, 11/13/21

Hangman Adam Page vs Bryan Danielson, 12/15/21

Hangman Adam Page vs Bryan Danielson, 1/5/22

Jon Moxley vs Wheeler Yuta, 4/6/22

FTR vs The Briscoes, 4/1/22

FTR vs The Briscoes, 7/23/22

Bryan Danielson vs Daniel Garcia, 8/17/22

Jon Moxley vs CM Punk, 8/24/22

El Desperado vs Jun Kasai, 9/12/22

Atlantis jr vs Stuka jr, 9/16/22

Pentagon jr. vs Villano IV, 10/15/22

FTR vs The Briscoes, 12/10/22

Hangman Adam Page vs Jon Moxley, 3/5/23

GUNTHER vs Drew McIntyre vs Sheamus, Wrestlemania 39 night 1

Athena vs Willow Nightingale, 7/21/23

CM Punk vs Samoa Joe, 8/27/23

Jon Moxley vs Orange Cassidy, 9/3/23

Eddie Kingston vs Claudio Castagnoli, 9/20/23

Takuya Nomura vs Fuminori Abe, 10/12/23

Sting & Darby Allen vs The Young Bucks, 3/3/24

There's a few big gaps in my watch history, namely 90's NJPW, 10's Noah, most joshi post 2000 and anything wrestling pre 80's. I'll edit this if I find a new 5 star match but not rn because this took me literal hours I'm beat

[celluceta]

꧁•⊹٭𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!٭⊹•꧂

Introduction

Hi there!

In this blog I'll post fanart and random scenarios whenever I can, since I'm mostly busy with college :') Also I may start posting fanfics and original art some day!

This is my first time ever trying to use Tumblr in a more serious way, so I'm still learning how this platform works.

I'm keeping requests closed until I feel confident enough!

🌕 This blog is multifandom, but I'm currently enjoying One Piece ! 🌕

About me

My name's Kada, but I also go by Iruni 🌷My pronouns are she/her.

I'm 20 yo and I'm from Spain, so I speak both english and spanish.

My favorite colours are green and pink, both neon and pastel! Although many people associate me with purple because of how much I love drawing galaxies and space-related content⭐

I love puppets, clowns and aliens. Most of my OCs are non-human!

My favorite music artists are Don Diablo, Dua Lipa, Kupla, Rosalía, La Casa Azul and Snail's House.

I have many projects that I'd love to start as soon as I finish my studies, such as an otome game, a webcomic and experimenting with music since I can play the piano and guitar!⭐

I'm INTP 4w5 and my birthday is December 9th. I was born in 2003.

I take some time to answer asks or comments, usually a day or two, because I always need to check if I'm writing things correctly,,, so excuse me🫠

You can find me in other social media like Instagram or Twitter!

Fandoms

❥ Pokemon, specially BW!

❥ Magi

❥ One Piece

❥ Professor Layton

❥ Houkago no Pleiades

❥ A Hat In Time

❥ Vocaloid

❥ Omori

❥ Genshin Impact

❥ FNAF

❥ Inside Job

❥ Danganronpa

❥ The Dryad's Garden

❥ Monsters Inc./University/At Work

❥ Spiderverse

❥ No Straight Roads

❥ Nanbaka

Comfort Characters

Pokemon

❥ Banette, Sableye, Maractus, Burgh, Cilan, Cress, Chili, Ingo, Emmet, Elesa, Iris, Hau, Lillie, Ilima, Leon, Milo, Allister, Juliana, Florian and Katy

Magi

❥ All of them, but specially Aladdin, Alibaba, Kougyoku Ren, Ja'far, Sinbad, Sharrkan, Yamuraiha, Hinahoho, Rurumu, Pipirika and Kassim

One Piece

❥ Usopp, Shanks, Uta, Reiju, Vivi, Perona, Luffy, Sabo, Sanji, Hiyori, Shirahoshi, Rebecca, Franky, Corazon, Penguin and Shachi

Others

❥ Disney Cinderella, Disney Jasmine, Keroro, Kururu, Kel, from Omori, Hershel Layton, Kaeya, Glamrock Chica, Sundrop & Moondrop, Hikari, from Houkago no Pleiades, Marvin the Martian, Hatsune Miku, Rin Kagamine, Togata Mirio, Uraraka Ochaco, Hawks, Sero Hanta and Zim

DNI IF:

You support any kind of incest, p*dophilia and weird fetishes.

You don't support LGBT+, feminism, black rights...

You like shotacon/lolicon.

You enjoy relationships with a big age-gap. That kind of relationships make me really uncomfortable. If you like it, good for you, but I don't want to be exposed to that type of content.

And that's all for now, I may edit this post in the future! Have a good day🌼✨

[leathr-blr]

problems with being trans and having the name “alister”:

- everyone thinks it’s because of hazbin hotel

- your a musician and marvin allister is also trans and makes very similar and much better music than you

- your alternative is “alex” and every trans man is named alex

- your other alternative is “ally” / “ali” which is your deadname

- scottish

pros of being trans and having the name alister

- good vampire name, +10 goth points

[lostparadox]

Pokémon Sword and Shield (Rewrite) : Strongest characters

This will be the list of the trainers strongest to weakest (main timeline and in the Galar region)

1. ‘New Galar Champion’ Victor (6 Pokémon and G-max)

2. ‘New Chairman of the Galar League and former champion’ Leon Woodrow (6 Pokémon and G-max)

3. ‘Dojo Master and former champion ‘ Master Mustard Mishima (6 Pokémon and G-max)

4. ‘Next Pokémon professor’ Hoppleton ‘Hop’ Woodrow (6 Pokémon and G-max)

5. ‘Next shop owner’ Gloria (6 Pokémon and G-max)

6. ‘Dojo Matron’ Heidi ‘Honey’ Mishima (6 Pokémon and G-max)

7. ‘Voice of Spikemuth’ Marnie Baines (6 Pokémon and G-max)

8. ‘Brash Battler of Ballonlea’ Bede Consgrove/Rose/Lancaster (6 Pokémon and G-max)

9. ‘Tamer of dragons’ Raihan Qadir (6 Pokémon and G-max)

10. ‘Lightning-fast strategist’ Michael Growth (6 Pokémon and G-max)

11. ‘The ice-cold professional’ Melanie ‘Melony’ Volkov (6 Pokémon and G-max)

12. ‘The earth forger’ Garth (6 Pokémon and G-max)

13. ‘The hard-rock crusher’ Gordie Volkov (6 Pokémon and G-max)

14. ‘The silent boy of mystery’ Allister Callum (6 Pokémon and G-max)

15. ‘The Galar karate prodigy’ Beatrice ‘Bea’ Duncan (6 Pokémon and G-max)

16. ‘The Sky-high flyer’ Ace (6 Pokémon and G-max)

17. ‘The genius of steel’ Rhodney (6 Pokémon and G-max)

18. ‘The ever-burning man of fire’ Kabu Kaguya(6 Pokémon and G-max)

19. ‘The raging wave’ Nessa Crawford (6 Pokémon and G-max)

20. ‘The fighting farmer’ Milo Flockhart (6 Pokémon and G-max)

21. ‘The normal type of extraordinary’ Amelie (6 Pokémon and G-max)

22. ‘The bug-catcher of amazing things’ Midge (6 Pokémon and G-max)

23. ‘Steel-thorn rose and former champion’ Peony ‘Steel Peony’ Rose (6 Pokémon and G-max)

24. ‘Head of Team Yell’ Piers Baines (6 Pokémon)

25. ‘New Professor of Galar’ Professor Sonia Magnolia (6 Pokémon and G-max)

26. (Tied) ‘Bea’s parents and former gym leaders’ Lima Duncan (Psychic) and Mauis Duncan (Fighting) (6 Pokémon)

27. (Tied) Battle tower trainers

28. ‘Telekinetic trouble-maker’ Avery Kingsley (6 Pokémon and G-max)

29. ‘Pretty girl with a poisonous personality’ Klara Adkins (6 Pokémon and G-max)

30. ‘Former Galar League Chairman and Former Head of Macro Cosmo’ Daniel Rose (6 Pokémon and G-max)

31. ‘The mater of fantastic theater’ Opal Lancaster (6 Pokémon and G-max)

32. (Tied) Restricted Sparing trainers

33. ‘Professor of Galar’ Professor Constance Magnolia (6 Pokémon and G-max)

34. ‘Brash archeologist’ Bray Zenn (6 Pokémon)

35. ‘Careless archeologist’ Cara Liss (6 Pokémon)

36. ‘Scary secretary’ Oleana DeVito-Rose (6 Pokémon and G-max)

37. (Tied) ‘Reformed elites’ Edward ‘Sordward’ Arthur/Gilbert ‘Shilbert’ Arthur (6 Pokémon)

38. ‘Schoolboy’ Marvin (6 Pokémon)

39. ‘Former electric gym leader’ Berto (6 Pokémon)

40. (Tied) ‘Oleana’s elites’ Group of Macro Cosmo employees

41. ‘Normal Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Yue

42. ‘Flying Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Kent

43. ‘Ground Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Dunne

44. ‘Grass Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Pia

45. ‘Fire Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Phoebus

46. ‘Water Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Vega

47. ‘Electric Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Corvin

48. ‘Rock Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Cher

49. ‘Fighting Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Deneb

50. ‘Ghost Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Wei

51. ‘Ice Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Izar

52. ‘Flying Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Kent

53. ‘Dragon Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Terry

55. ‘Bug Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Polaire

55. ‘Steel Type Gym Challenger Specialist’ Theemin

56. ‘New head of Team Yell and New Galar League Manager’ Gym trainer Joshua (6 Pokémon)

57. ‘Mum’ Ally (6 Pokémon)

58. ‘Mayor of Freezington’ Mayor Percy (6 Pokémon)

59. ‘Darlin Daughter’ “Nia” Peonia (6 Pokémon)

60. ‘Diggin’ Pa’

61. ‘Diggin’ Ma’

62. ‘Older brother of the Digging duo’

63. ‘Younger brother of the Digging duo’

64. ‘Young boy genius’ Hyde Mishima (6 Pokémon)

65. (Tied) Dynamax adventure partners and Max Raid Adventure partners

66. (Tied) Macro Cosmo employees

67. (Tied) Gym Trainers

68. (Tied) Battle Cafe employees, Hairstylists, Clothes shop owners

69. ‘Interviewer Reporter’ Gillian

70. ‘Cameraman’ Cam

[inspiredrawaw]

how long would Jackie's hair be if he wears it open?

Very long

Tag list~

@taikeero-lecoredier @immabethehero @the-real-comically-insane @kiingz @victory-cookies @caori-azarath @iamliteraltrash1 @skatle-skootle-demon-noodle @obsidiancreates @the-chemist @honkauto @jasmineon @rataccoonn @ellhd-imagination @emotrinitypanda @smolsasa @wastedspaceace @luluwinchester @rabbitsartcorner @artemis-draco @d-structive @3rr0r-unkn0wn  @milo-kno @synder-sync @septic-art-wolf @ezuriel-moth-rps @fairyofsomething @narutofoxlover @thebluejaysworld @fallenangel-044 @miishae @tried-my-best @monstermemories @springybread @radioactive-pineapple-blog @dndnerd1609

[huffle-dork]

I have a question about your swap au. Why did magnificent turn "evil?" I know in the swap au he's like Anti so a more villiany, tormentor, cruel type character. But in the collage stories/drabbles/fics you do he's like a friend towards Jackie, Zara, etc. So what made him turn "bad" and torment his past friends? Just curious! 🧐

(You might have already mentioned it in a fic/story but I will admit it can be hard for me to read through longer ones, so I could've missed it)

So it’s a combination of lots of things! I’ve mostly said in asks but haven’t really had a chance to have the characters say for certain what happened to make magnificent this way because no one knows besides Mag! Even Jackie doesn’t know because as far as he knows- the marvin he knew died in a circus fire.

I have been wanting to write it out maybe even in my next story but I’ll give y’all some more insight!

None of this is excusing what mag does by the way- just explains how we got here. There’s no redeeming him because he has and will continue to do awful things. It’s a “cool motive, still murder.” Kinda thing XD

Mag had an abusive dad- another magician who thought Marvin wasn’t living up to his full potential. Eventually he got away and went to live with his grandma but that damage was done. He didn’t learn how to keep the people he loved in his life very well. He was also ostracized at school because he was strange- kinda like how allistic kids avoid neurodivergent kids but more on the magical sense you know? They could just feel like something was off. But Marvin didn’t really care cuz he had Jackie and for the most part they were the best of friends!

Untilll college- and Jackie started to fall in love with Zara. And Marvin didn’t really like how much Zara hogged his best friend. And with the freedom of uni he started studying stronger magic. But he really didn’t want to be regulated like he was when he was learning as a kid. But that means he could lean on darker magic… and with the combination of his jealously and the magic he was studying he started to become just darker and crueler. And one day Jackie mentioned how he was gonna propose to Zara and misspoke- making it seem like Marvin and him wouldn’t be in each other lives after he got married… so Marvin disappeared.

From Jackie’s perspective- he disappeared and then a couple years later he read that the magnificent circus went up in flames. What actually happened was Magnificent- consumed by loneliness and rage- turned completely to dark magic and let it burn out his soul and emotions, scarring his eye/blinding and altering him permanently. At first he was still human- but now? He’s definitely not. He’s sacrificed a lot of humanity for power- since that’s the only thing that gives him close to the feeling of “joy” anymore.

TLDR: Mag had a tough childhood, only had one friend, then he got jealous of said friend’s future wife and decided to sacrifice all his magic and soul to the dark side cuz his bitch was taken forever :,( HGHVJB

(Tbh this is based on like a lot of trauma I’ve been through with friends so jghvh Mag semi self insert what??? HFGGG)

[beerecordings]

hey i don't want to be too critical but i know you write jackie as autistic and i don't know if you're nd but sometimes he comes across like he's an allistic person with some sensory issues. i'm sure you try your best being inclusive and all but there's lots of common stuff like vocal stimming, comfort objects, picky eating, hyperfixations, phobias, hyperverbality etc. that i've never noticed in him. i hope this is helpful feedback i really love nd jackie headcanons.

thank you for your warm tone and your feedback i love hearing from you!! let’s talk about this! maybe you can help me get better at representing him.

to be fair, I do sometimes worry that Jackie’s ASD is too confined only to his sensory issues, but I don’t think that it’s the only thing represented in the story. I know the sensory issues are very obvious, but I do try to put other things in there. Yes, it would be more obvious for me to say “Jackie stimmed and flapped his hands” but sometimes I say “Jackie pulled on his hair and scratched at his arm” instead. Or it would be more obvious for me to go out of my way to say “Jackie gagged at the taste of the eggs in his mouth and refused to eat anymore” but instead I say “Chase remembered to get peanut butter. Jackie always buys them peanut butter.”

if I may? maybe you could look at some of these and see if you like my ideas for how I could emphasize or better represent this? but at the same time I don’t want to be so upfront about it that I reduce Jackie only to his symptomology or make him a caricature,.

Jackie’s comfort object is his sweatshirt (see the section where he refused to take it off even though it might help him evade the cops and the fact that he constantly wears one and rubs at the fabric)

maybe I could give him more comfort objects?

Jackie stims (often pulling at his hair or chewing on his nails and aching for a run all the time even when he’s not allowed outside)

maybe I could use the word stim more often instead of just saying “Jackie gnawed on his nails”?

Jackie has anxiety about his ability to interact with others, acknowledging that he’s often awkward and misses social cues (see his fear in the very first chapter that the new twin Anti has given him won’t like him, see his fear that Max won’t like him now), and is known to be a bad liar, also associated with autism

maybe this can come up more once Jackie meets more people outside of his family?

Jackie’s hyperfixation is Max right now (see his complaints that he constantly thinks about him, genuinely unable to get him out of his head and often going “distant” because he’s daydreaming)

maybe I can acknowledge some other interests of Jackie’s?

Jackie admits he doesn’t understand poetry (struggles with non-literal language) and tries to send Marvin a happy poem, but actually sends him a fairly sad one.

If I have the chance, I will acknowledge that Jackie struggles with non-literary language at some point.

Jackie obsesses over small things he’s done wrong because of his rejection-sensitive dysphoria (associated with autism)

Jackie is overwhelmed not only by sensory issues, but by too much going on in his head (see Dark making him experience intense emotions, causing a meltdown)

Jackie has problems with his temper and has been physically violent with the others because he finds it difficult to control his emotions sometime

maybe I can have Jackie losing control more often?

Jackie has shutdowns as well as meltdowns (see the part of chapter two where he’s chained to the bed and super emotionally drained and quiet)

maybe I can represent his shutdowns more clearly at some point?

Jackie is clingy and was the one who lead their family to become very physically affectionate - the amount to which Jackie touches people would not be appropriate with strangers, but he struggles to find the difference

Jackie will meet others at some point, I expect, which is when this might be a problem. Max didn’t mind his touchiness lol

Jackie uses certain things as scripts, repeating things he’s heard others say (this meshes with my writing style, but Jackie often repeats things the others have said to him verbatim or copies speech styles, like becoming much more talkative when Max was around)

maybe I can emphasize this more and have him doing some verbal stimming?

Jackie has a high need for stimuli and movement and hates being stuck in the house or chained up. Jackie is VERY neat and hates to have his things moved (see his room in the past and how he misses having clean clothes and things of his own)

maybe I can address this more when Jackie has a chance to own his own things again?

If there’s other things I can make stand out more, I’d love to, but I’m sure you know that autism markers are a sundae bar and everybody gets slightly different ones! Jackie does not have phobias associated with his ASD, though he does have some that have developed alongside his PTSD.

also, if you ever want to hear more about Jackie’s ASD, just ask him! it’s an ask blog for a reason :) some things that haven’t come up but that I do consider canon include:

Jackie is actually a picky eater, but he rarely gets to pick what he eats :( he hates eggs but loves peanut butter!

Jackie wishes everyone would stop changing beds every night lately. he actually likes it when it’s him and Blue in one room, Dok and Trick in another, and Dap and Anti in another. neat and tidy and no one’s in his space!!

Jackie used to hyperfixate on the criminal cases he and Max were investigating, Spider-man, martial arts, and crime statistics.

Jackie’s a talented hacker because he loves how objective and formulaic everything is and how he can just focus on one things for hours... and hours... and hours... lol

Jackie honestly goes through a ton of emotional distress and is, like, constantly a nervous wreck. This was a pretty big theme of Chapter One, but Blue’s helped to alleviate it a little.

IF Jackie gets away from Anti, I do plan to talk more about him finding ways to cope with his need for structure and organization and routine, his struggles with the newfound freedom, and him learning how to actually manage his symptoms instead of just constantly suffering because he sometimes thinks he’s just being a wimp and Anti has never gone out of his way to acknowledge or plan around Jackie’s difficulties.

are there particular things you’d like to see me acknowledge? is there more I can do? I won’t just add random markers to Jackie just to make it more obvious that he’s autistic, but if there are more sensitive ways I can handle his specific symptomology and struggles, let me know. or let him know!! he’ll talk about it! and I will too as the situations arise - things like Jackie meeting new people outside of his family for the first time in a long time, Jackie being allowed to have freedom and hobbies for the first time in a long time, and Jackie having more pressure put on him by him taking leadership of his family.

[neurowonderful]

Maybe, if I post every time this happens, abled people will stop thinking that this sort of thing is rare.

A while back I was sitting by the restaurant in Ikea and using my phone while I waited for Marvin to buy some things.

I was seated at one of four high-backed chairs arranged around a low coffee table. Across the table from me was a stranger, his young son sat in the chair to the right of me, and his daughter, who was about nine-years-old, sat on the floor at the coffee table. She was colouring and her brother was playing on a DS.

Their father stared at me while pretending he wasn’t. It’s pretty obvious when someone is watching you from eight feet away, though. I didn’t get angry vibes so I wasn’t concerned and just pointedly ignored him while catching Pidgey after Pidgey.

My phone had a semi-transparent, soft plastic case on it. I usually covered it with cute stickers. At that time, it had large words written in sharpie on the back that said, “It’s rude to stare”.

I was absorbed in my game when the stranger across from me laughed suddenly, loudly, and pointed me out to his daughter.

"Her phone says, ‘It’s rude to stare’,” he said.

He chuckled and looked at my face, expecting an explanation.

I stared at him.

He stared back.

I sighed.

“Oh, yeah. People stare at me a lot,” Just like you were, I thought. I waved my phone to show off the words. “So I wrote that on there. So, yeah.”

I went back to my game. Guy chuckled again.

“Really, people stare at you? Why?” He asked.

I looked up from my phone. I stared at him.

He stared back. I raised my eyebrows. He kept waiting for an answer.

I held up the butterfly-printed cane that had been leaning against my legs by way of explanation. “Sometimes I use a walker or wheelchair, too.”

“And people stare?” He pressed.

“Yep,” I said shortly.

“Wow. Well, you know, I think it’s probably because of their own personal fear.”

I seriously bristled at that. The tone was awful, really patronizing.

“Yeah. Seeing disabled people in public is a real shock. We remind people of their own mortality,” I said humourlessly, adding in some sarcastic laughter for good measure. I tried to signal my disinterest by lowering my head and leaning over my phone screen.

“Yeah-” he said, charging full speed ahead like he didn’t even need me for this conversation. He clearly had something to say all prepared.

"And you know, it’s funny. But I used to be scared of- people- people with disabilities,” he said, with a smile and lean-in, touching his fingertips together, making me want to punch his face.

I was in a bit of social shock. I just kept thinking, are you kidding me? This Ikea food court confession is happening right now, huh?

“Not physical disabilities, but mental disabilities.”

He was so smarmy, you guys. When he said that, I think my soul left my body. And I had no idea how to either respond or extricate myself reasonably. 

I hesitated, looked from this guy to his children, who were watching the exchange with awkward interest.

“Oh. Uh. Well, I’m autistic, so…” I let my words trail off. To this day I have no idea where that sentence would have gone.

“Oh. Oh! But I mean, you can’t tell," he turned tomato red. "You’re so well-spoken and- I guess you could say that you have really overcome.”

As he was fumbling, I was giving him an exaggerated but sincerely felt grimace and an unimpressed "ehhh".

At his pronouncement of my overcoming, I sat up straight and said, loudly and pissed enough that his children started looking worried, "Uh, yikes. No."

Guy's daughter looked like she would rather he did anything but continue talking, but that's what he did. Like any allistic abled white dude worth his salt /s, he powered through, ignoring my obvious and projected displeasure.

“But, I mean. In school, it’s funny, because it ended up that most of my friends were handicapped. I guess I kind of protected them-” His voice took on an artificially soft, sticky quality. It was at this moment that I snapped.

“Okay. I’m going to cut you off there,” I said. I put my hand up. His tomato face spoiled.

“What? Why?” He seemed torn between expressing frustration and wanting to appear kind-hearted and open-minded in front of his children.

“Well. Uh. Ugh," I looked at his kids, wondering how harsh or how kind I should be. I hated that he put me in this spot. In that moment I hated him so much.

"Well, you’re saying a lot of stuff that non-disabled people think is nice to hear, but it’s not. It’s just- it’s just not." I knew it was pointless to try to explain. My words were failing fast. He didn't really care, anyway.

"I wouldn’t even be able to explain it to you," I shrugged.

He gaped at me. Now he was angry. This wasn't going how he had wanted it to.

"I know you’re coming from a good place. But it’s not nice. It’s just not... yeah.” I gripped the handle of my cane in one hand and my phone, Pokémon Go forgotten, in the other. I fought the urge to literally run away. I felt the surreal pressure of my behaviour being one of these kids' formative disability-related experiences.

“Oh. Uh. Well. Okay. Sorry," he said, embarrassed, not sorry. "And uh, thanks for saying that,” he said, trying to get me back. I looked away.

“I just-” he started. Even his children looked unhappily surprised that he was trying for that last word.

“I just want to say that you’re great.”

I didn't look at him. I smiled at his daughter, who smiled back out of habit, more confused than anything. His son looked down at his DS, secondhand embarrassment turning him red too.

“Hmm. Well, your kids seem nice," I offered breezily.

After that, I moved away from the circle of green chairs and sat in an uncomfortably high stool in the corner. I hid there, head down, my hands shaking very slightly, feeling paranoid. Like I failed. And that my friends, is ableism. 

[fullbacksview]

Rassie’s Springbok Squad - The Right Calls

The job of Springbok coach and selector must be one of the best and worst jobs at the same time. On one hand you are in charge of arguably the most talented pool of players and coaching a team that captures the nations imagination and on the other hand, the “fans” are going to criticize you at every opportunity on performance, selection, etc. It was no surprise to hear in a recent podcast that a former South African player, currently on the edge of selection for England, saying that the biggest reason for our players succeeding overseas is that regardless of how they’re playing the fans are 100% behind them. Something a vast group of South African’s struggle to offer our players and coaches.

As a passionate Springbok fan and lover of rugby who spends far too much of my day pondering these things I thought I would put into words my opinion on Rassie’s first Springbok squad.

Coach: I think Rassie is a great call, he is a proven winner as a coach, demands respect and is meticulous in his work. Just over 15 Months out from a World Cup, he is the sort of person you want at the helm.

From what I can see, Allister was free to pick all the international players Rassie has (Bismarck, Willie, Duane, Francois, etc. all are heavily capped and were available to him), while the local players were all available to him as well. Don’t get me wrong, yes, a year on there are players who are performing much better and it has given Rassie more options, but a coach cannot argue if his team does not perform with what is available to him. That is the sad reality of professional sport.

 Props: There is very little to not like about Rassie’s selections here, barring possibly the omissions of Vincent Koch and Lizo Gqoboka. These are the form front rankers. I’ll admit I haven’t watched a great deal of the Pro 14, but Ox Nche was very close to selection last year and if he has improved, his call-up is well deserved and exciting. Malherbe is probably the lucky one, based solely on his lack of game time, but when fit there aren’t many better defensive and scrummaging tightheads in world rugby and with the short prep time, Rassie has worked with him before.

 Hookers: Malcom Marx’s injury was always going to be a huge blow to the Boks. He is by far and away the best hooker in the country and quite possibly the world. That being said, we’re kidding ourselves if we thought he was immune to injury and would be fit all the way to the World Cup. However, what it has done is shown our lack of depth in this position. I back Rassie on excluding Strauss, though the one justification I would have seen for picking Strauss would have been that both his locks (and would have been Lood as well were it not for injury) have made the squad and you cannot underestimate combinations.

Bringing back Bismarck ensures the squad has experience in the position but also that we lose very little in physicality on Marx. Both Bongi and Chilliboy can feel fortunate to be in the squad, not on talent, but purely on lack of game time. Bongi has been injured for ages but based on last year does deserve his place and I thoroughly enjoy the impetus he brings to a game.

Chilliboy however has been fit, but for whatever reason has lacked game time under Rob Du Preez Snr and although talented is the surprise selection. The final hooker in the group, Akker, has been one of the duo keeping Chilliboy out of the Sharks team and for good reason, he has been dynamic, physical and game breaking and justifiably makes the squad.

 Locks: It is scary to think that even without Eben and Lood, there are still this many good locks in the country. Especially when you think of all those not picked as well. In Mostert and Pieter Steph you have two of the most inform locks in Super Rugby (albeit both also looking equally at home on the side of the scrum) and in Jenkins and Snyman you have a combination that has played together for the SA U/20’s and the Bulls and have shown moments of brilliance that justify their selections. I haven’t seen much of Marvin Orie this year due to work during Lions games, but I know he has been highly rated at every level he has played and is definitely one with Springbok potential. For me the only lock I think can feel hard done by is Ruan Botha, but we are well stocked at no. 5 and his opportunity will come.

 Loose Trio: This is probably the position that most divides South Africa and that is because everyone has loyalty to their team, their opinions on loose trio make-ups and most significantly a number of players to choose from. Personally, I like the Rassie’s picks and for me the 1st choice trio picks itself: Vermuelen, Du Preez, Kolisi, but who makes up the bench, etc. is a lot more interesting. In Notshe and Kwagga he makes up in speed and dynamism what he loses in size to the others, with Kwagga also being the only recognized fetcher in the group. Mohoje has been a stalwart of recent Bok teams and never gives an inch, but I do wonder whether he fits this new Bok loose trio template as he is not a recognized skillful player but will carry hard and never shirk on defense. In Du Plessis and Carr he has chosen two different options at 8, Du Plessis is the power player who will bash players on attack and defense, while Carr is probably the best linking 8 (Whiteley aside) in South Africa and someone I often feel is underrated because he is not flashy in his play and it helps that he can cover the side of the scrum as well. 

There is obviously a limit on squad sizes (though 43 is huge) but I think all three Bulls players of Bholi, Van Staaden and Smit have a right to feel aggrieved at their exclusion as all have been very good in an up and down Bulls team.

 Scrumhalf: I hate to say this, and I know many will disagree, but ABF (anyone but Faf). With him recently having been nominated as English Premiership Player of the Year this is going to alienate most people so let me justify it. Faf is an incredible rugby player, but not an incredible scrumhalf. For me, a scrumhalf is so instrumental to a team’s performance and if he cannot do the basics of his position well (pass from the base, kick and read a game) then he is no good to an international side. Faf always looks busy, is exciting, gets involved physically and that excites fans, but he walks before he passes and makes too many bad decisions and that doesn’t win you test matches.

Rassie said it in an interview “Do I select someone who has been tried before but not convinced and give him 19 more test matches to prove to me he deserves it, or do I give someone who I think has what it takes 19 test matches to get to where I need him to be?”. To me the answer is the latter and the player he has to back is Cameron Wright. No-one has completely put their hand up to say “pick me” but Wright has definitely shown the capabilities to be that guy. He passes crisply from the base, has great vision, kicks well, organizes and barring his missed tackle on the weekend is generally good on defense. He certainly has some rough edges but not for a long time have I seen a scrumhalf who excites me as much as he does.

Van Zyl has also been good for the Bulls this year and will be there and thereabouts in selection discussions, but I think he is marginally pipped by Wright. In Papier we have incredible potential but he has lacked game time and I think his selection is more to experience the culture, knowing he has the ability to be a Bok performer in the future.

 Flyhalf: When was the last time we genuinely had this much potential at flyhalf? Jantjies has once again been great for the Lions (not as good as the last two years, but still very good), Pollard has been exciting, intelligent and physical but also not completely consistent at times, while Rob Du Preez started slowly but is now the leading point scorer in Super Rugby and arguably the most inform of the three.

I imagine Pollard will be Rassie’s man, but Elton and Rob will push him hard and be there to take their opportunity should Pollard show any hints of bad form.

Add to that Willemse, who is away at the Junior World Cup, Du Plessis, who has recently returned for the Stormers and looked exciting, physical and clinical and Bosch, who is being seen more as a Fullback for now and suddenly the Flyhalf stocks look pretty good for the Springboks going forward.

 Centres: Once again there is not much you can fault Rassie on here. He has picked the form players from Super Rugby in Am, Esterhuizen, Kriel and De Allende (I know he divides opinion, but he has looked the part this season again) and then throw in a World Cup winner and player who seems to always be in form in France, Francois Steyn.

Esterhuizen and Am have formed an incredibly effective partnership at the Sharks, on both defense and attack and would certainly not look out of place against England. Esterhuizen’s physicality as well as useful left boot would come in handy, while Am has been exciting on attack and clinical on defense. 

Kriel last year looked lost, he was running sideways, never passed and typified the lack of threat the Springbok backline posed. A pre-season under John Mitchell and he suddenly looks like a rugby player again, he knows when to pass, when to straighten and even has a handy grubber to open up defenses and will certainly bring something to the Boks in 2018.

The same could be said of De Allende, his 2018 and 2017 performances couldn’t be further apart and although he’s not completely back to the player we know he can be, he is causing havoc at times on attack with his straightening and ability to break the line. 

Francois Steyn has lived a roller-coaster as a Springbok, from World Cup winner at 19, to being discarded by the Boks, going overseas, being picked and then not picked again but one thing has stayed constant; his ability to perform week in and week out. Unfortunately, the SA public expects miracles from him at every opportunity but ask anyone in France and they will tell you that Steyn is one of the most consistent performers in the league, this despite being shifted from 12 to 10 to 13 to 15. His experience cannot be underestimated in this Bok squad and he would be my first choice 12.

 Wings: In Mapimpi, Nkosi and Dyantyi we have 3 of the most exciting wingers in Super Rugby. Mapimpi and Dyantyi are clinical when it comes to finishing and will score many tries for the Boks, provided we get the ball to them. While both are physical, Nkosi is a step up on that front and what he could do for us really excites me.

In my personal opinion I wouldn’t have gone for Ismaiel, I think we have players in the squad who offer the same and more and if I were to include others it would have been Tambwe, who is arguably the most clinical finisher of the lot and Leyds who I think is one of the smartest players in SA rugby. We have seen the All Blacks consistently use Fullbacks as wingers to incredible effect and I think Leyds could do the same job for the Springboks.

 Fullback: Gelant.

I really could just leave that there as he has made that position his and I am incredibly excited to see what he will do there. Having watched him as a 17-year-old playing 12 for SWD at Craven Week, I could see he was special. He seemed to have more time than anyone on the park and I am just glad to see how has progressed into a potentially world class Fullback for the Boks.

His back-ups (as I see it) in Willie and Curwin are both incredibly exciting players and bring their own strengths and weaknesses to the team. Curwin has unquestionably, the biggest boot in SA Rugby and his game breaking ability with drop goals and speed is going to be a major asset to the Boks over the years and if he gets his defense sorted, he will be major threat at 10 and 15

Willie in his prime and at full confidence is one of the most exciting and devastating outside backs in world rugby. He can pick a pass, cut a line, chip and chase at will and word from the UK is that he has been doing that, profiting greatly from Cipriani’s ability to create the space for him to work his magic. If he can find that sort of form for the Boks, he offers significant experience and value going towards RWC 2019.

However, Le Roux is a confidence player and by his own admission, the unconditional support in England has lent itself to his form. We know the South African public will not be so kind and I wonder whether he has the ability to bounce back from a bad game (should he have one). On the other hand, Bosch seems to have the right amount of nasty and self-confidence to bounce back from any errors and drop a goal from 60m, etc.

Test Matches: With that all being said, there is no way we can pick the same squads for the Wales Test in the the USA and the 1st England test and with that in mind, the teams I would select from Rassie’s above squad would be:

Springboks vs Wales: 1. Steven Kitshoff 2. Akker Van Der Merwe 3. Trevor Nyakane 4. Jason Jenkins 5. Pieter Steph Du Toit © 6. Kwagga Smith 7. Oupa Mohoje 8. Dan Du Preez 9. Faf Du Klerk 10. Elton Jantjies 11. Aphiwe Dyantyi 12. Andre Esterhuizen 13. Jesse Kriel 14. Willie Le Roux 15. Curwin Bosch. 16. Chilliboy Ralapelle 17. Ox Nche 18. Frans Malherbe 19. RG Snyman 20. Sikhumbuzo Notshe 21. Embrose Papier 22. Rob Du Preez 23. Travis Ismaiel

Springboks vs England: 1. Tendai Mtawarira 2. Bismarck Du Plessis 3. Wilco Louw 4. RG Snyman 5. Franco Mostert 6. Siya Kolisi © 7. Jean-Luc Du Preez 8. Duane Vermeulen 9. Cameron Wright 10. Handre Pollard 11. Sibusiso Nkosi 12. Francois Steyn 13. Lukhanyo Am 14. Makazole Mapimpi 15. Warrick Gelant 16. Bongi Mbonambi 17. Steven Kitshoff 18. Trevor Nyakane 19. Pieter-Steph Du Toit 20. Nizaam Carr 21. Ivan Van Zyl 22. Elton Jantjies 23. Damien De Allende