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buttdawg · 5 years ago

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Think I'm caught up on the World Tag League now. Some observations:

It doesn't look like Dangerous Tekkers is doing so hot in this thing. I forget how many matches they have to wrestle, but I think they're 2-3 so far, which doesn't sound great. I think Juice and David Finlay are in the lead with 8 points. DT only has four.

Then again, the lesson I learned watching the G1 was that these round robins are almost impossible to call this early in. I thought Jon Moxley was in good shape to win B-block because he got five straight wins to start off, while big stars like Jay White and Naito were having really lackluster runs. But White managed to build a winning streak of his own, and Mox couldn't score that much-needed sixth victory. So it's likely that Juice/Finlay are only winning big now because they're due to hit a rough patch later.

I think that's the formula with these tournaments. A few entrants flame out early on, so by the halfway point, you already know they're mathematically eliminated. The you have guys who sort of win every other match. Some of them manage to stay in contention to the end, and they're kind of the dark horses in the tournament. Ibushi was a dark horse, at least to my way of thinking. He lost to KENTA and EVIL pretty early on, so I was convinced he couldn't pull this off, since Okada was on such a roll. Maybe everyone else knew Ibushi would win the G1, but I was somewhat surprised to see him win A Block.

Anyway, it feels like Juice/Finlay are in the Okada or Moxley role right now, building an early lead before the others start to catch up. The Tekkers can still win this thing, especially since they hold a win over Juice/Finlay. But I feel like they're just sort of there to be there. Zach Sabre Junior seems confident about winning, but I don't see it yet.

G.O.D. looks more solid on points. I think they're 3-1 so far, but that could just be designed to make them look strong in the tournament. They're the champions, so they ought to beat most of the other teams. I guess there's not much point to having them win the tournament, since the whole point is to establish a #1 contender, but they should probably be one of the top scoring teams.

Mostly, these matches I've watched have been pretty low-key affairs. Both teams had really standout performances against Suzuki & Archer, and against each other, but the other matches have just been pretty good. I like the relaxed feel to it, honestly, where these guys are mostly just mixing it up in a small venue with no commentary and minimal camera work. But I'm not expecting bigger and better matches against some of the upcoming teams. Honma and Makabe, Goto and Fredericks, these seem like ad hoc teams set up to fill out the tournament. The matches should he enjoyable, but I saw a lot of these dudes in tag matches on G1 Climax undercards, so I don't expect much more than that.

I guess the big team to look forward to is SANADA and EVIL, since they won this tourney in 2017 and 2018. I get the sense that they're the only "proper" team in this thing besides the G.O.D. Maybe I'm wrong, but the rest look like a bunch of singles wrestlers who paired off. I think Dangerous Tekkers might become a full-on thing, but it doesn't have to. Ishii and YOSHI-HASHI have chased the tag titles before, so maybe this tournament is about getting some of these guys to bond into a more permanent unit. I hope so. We need more of that in wrestling.

I've been thinking about tag team wrestling a lot, since AEW has really been pushing to make it important again. WWE has tried to revitalize their tag division several times over the years, but it never sticks, and I think I've finally figured out why. Every time I watch a tag match in AEW or New Japan, I keep instinctively expecting teammates to turn on each other. Heel team loses a match? One of them should blame the other and attack them. Face team loses a match? One guy should attack the other and turn heel to set up a singles fued. Scorpio Sky gets a title shot against Jericho? The other two guys in SCU should betray him out of jealousy.

And it never happens, which is a good thing, because if they did it every time I expected it, then they'd run out of tag teams. The problem WWE has always had is that they pull that trick way too often, which is why I've been conditioned to expect it. It's like they don't know any other way to book a tag team except to split them up. And usually, neither guy gets over. Yeah, Shawn Michaels turned into a big deal when he turned on Marty Janetty, but Enzo and Big Cass tanked hard. Their teamwork may have been the best thing those two had, and they destroyed it on a whim.

What I like about the World Tag League is how the Dangerous Tekkers support each other, win or lose. They seem to really enjoy working together, and they don't point fingers when they lose. When they beat Suzuki and Archer, there was a moment where it looked like the whole Suzuki-gun stable might collapse, but instead they all did fist bumps and congratulated Zach for the win. I've been watching backstage comments where it's clear that Goto and Fredericks aren't doing well, and Fredericks blames himself because he's a rookie, but Goto's chill about it, and seems to take this whole tournament as a way to mentor Karl Fredericks. He's not going to turn on Karl because this story is about camraderie and teamwork. They'll probably win matches late in the tournament once Karl gets more acclimated to it.

Same thing with SCU in AEW. SCU is a three-man unit, but Scorpion Sky and Frankie Kazarian won the tag title tournament, and Christopher Daniels made it clear that those two are the champions, and he's content to be the third guy in the group who currently doesn't have a title. I dig that a lot. the Freebird Rule is fine and all, but it's already being done elsewhere, and it's refreshing to see a team willing to set aside egos for the sake of the group. Sky and Kaz give Daniels a ton of credit, and Daniels supports them as the champions. In another era, it might sound hokey or commonplace, but after years of watching WWE's constant backstabbing angles, it's really comforting and reassuring.

I've always believed that conflict is the essence of drama, so I can understand the WWE philosophy of everyone being at each other's throats, but if you play that to the hilt, 24-7, never relenting, then how can you expect any tag team to matter in the long term? And without proper tag teams, how can you expect anyone to care about the division?

#njpw #world tag league

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angrymarks · 6 years ago

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Sasha Banks wants to wrestle Tessa Blanchard

Sasha Banks wants to wrestle Tessa Blanchard http://angrymarks.com/index.php?ArticleID=54844 and coincidentally WOW tapes another season next week. Marty Janetty says WWE should be more responsible for concussion injuries.

#Sasha Banks #Tessa Blanchard #WOW #Marty Janetty #pro wrestling

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mr-wrestlemania · 2 months ago

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They're such dorks your honor.

#shawn michaels #hbk #wwe #wwf #shawn michaels wwe #wwe shawn michaels #hbk wwe #wwe hbk #marty jannetty #marty janetty wwe #the rockers #midnight rockers

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ultradude13 · 8 years ago

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Who is Marty Jannetty fooling? It seems that he needs a CAT scan!

#pro wrestling #podcast #marty jannetty #john cena #comparison #legacy

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thoughts-of-an-x-factor · 8 years ago

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WWE Thoughts:

You know something I don’t get? I don’t get why people hate Roman Reigns carrying on the music, and general look of The Shield. I mean, to me, that just shows people who are ignoring decades of wrestling history just so that they can push a negative view of a guy they don’t like. It has been pretty standard over the years, for one member of a team to keep the team’s general look, and music, or at least something close to it, after a team splits. Just off the top of my head, here’s some examples: Every time The Hardys split, Jeff kept the Hardys theme or a version of it, and carried on the same look, while Matt would use a new theme, and change up his look a bit. The Rock’s theme song is, essentially, even now, just a remix of a remix, of a remix of the Nation of Domination’s theme song. Edge kept the whole "You think you know me?" thing from Edge and Christian's theme for his whole career. Bubba Ray Dudley kept the Dudley gimmick when they split in 2002-2003. Triple H got the same guy to do his theme after DX split, while X-Pac got a remix of the DX theme. Eddie Guerrero got a slightly altered version of Los Guerreros' theme when they split. Marty Janetty kept the Rockers theme. Kevin Nash kept the Wolfpac theme. I could keep going, but my point is, if you don’t like Roman Reigns, just admit you don’t like Roman Reigns. Don’t make up reasons that make you look ignorant of wrestling’s history. Of course, if you think this is still a problem, then clearly, your problem is with a wrestling industry trope, not with Reigns personally, and perhaps you should say that, instead of just blaming Reigns.

#Roman Reigns #WWE #The Sheild

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fromtheringapron · 6 years ago

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AWA WrestleRock ‘86

Date: April 20, 1986

Location: Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome

Attendance: 23,000

Commentary: Ron Trongard

Results:

1. Brad Rheingans defeated Boris Zhukov.

2. Little Mr. T and Cowboy Lang defeated Lord Little Brook and Little Tokyo.

3. Colonel DeBeers defeated Wahoo McDaniel via count-out.

4. Buddy Rose and Doug Sommers defeated The Midnight Rockers (Shawn Michaels & Marty Janetty).

5. Tiger Mask defeated Buck Zumhofe.

6. Barry Windham and Mike Rotunda defeated The Fabulous Ones (Steve Keirn & Stan Lane).

7. Giant Baba defeated Bulldog Bob Brown.

8. Harley Race vs. Rick Martel ended in a double count-out.

9. Sherri Martel won a 10-woman battle royal by eliminating Candi Devine. Other participants included: Luna Vachon, Joyce Grable, Despina Montagas, Kat LeRoux, Taylor Thomas, Rose Divine, Misty Blue Simmes, and Debbie Combs.

10. AWA America’s Championship: Sgt. Slaughter (champion) defeated Kamala via disqualification.

11. AWA Tag Team Championship: Scott Hall and Curt Hennig (champions) defeated The Long Riders (Scott Irwin and Bill Irwin).

12. Boxing Match: Scott LeDoux defeated Larry Zbyszko via disqualification. Larry Hennig was the special guest referee.

13. AWA World Heavyweight Championship: Nick Bockwinkel defeated Stan Hansen (champion) via disqualification.

14. Steel Cage Match: Greg Gagne and Jimmy Snuka defeated Bruiser Brody and John Nord. Per stipulation, Verne Gagne got a steel cage match with Sheik Adnan El Kassey.

15. Steel Cage Match: Verne Gagne defeated Sheik Adnan El Kassey.

16. Steel Cage Match: The Road Warriors (Hawk & Animal) defeated The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael Hayes & Jimmy Garvin).

Analysis

My first AWA review! To be honest, I didn’t think I’d ever see the day. The AWA didn’t have an abundance of pay-per-view events, largely because they were already in the process of dying by the time pay-per-view was starting to take off. There isn’t much AWA footage in general currently on the WWE Network at the moment, thus making pickings even slimmer. In addition to all of that, I just haven’t been all that interested in watching AWA stuff, though I can’t quite put my finger on why. Like, I’m certainly not opposed to it or anything; there’s just not a lot there to reel me in compared to, say, WWF or NWA/WCW stuff from the same time period. And apparently a lot of people felt the same way, given how it fell to a distant third place by the end of the ’80s.

Yet here I am, watching WrestleRock ‘86, one of the more notable events in the promotion’s history. Its most enduring quality is its beyond fantastic rap video that absolutely commands attention. But the actual show? Welp, it didn’t do a lot for me. That’s not to say it’s bad; it just sorta exists. There are several moments of awkward hilarity throughout, as is the case for virtually any ‘80s wrestling show at the dawn of the pay-per-view era. And, yes, I’m aware WrestleRock isn’t actually a pay-per-view, but a long 16-match show held in a stadium certainly feels like one.

Again, don’t get me wrong. This is one heck of a production from the AWA, which was already on the decline at the time. It’s trying to do the show the WWF would do a year later in WrestleMania III, but having nowhere near the savvy to pull it off successfully. The card itself is absolutely loaded so there’s at least something for everyone, although it’s definitely all over the place. Stuffing a boxing match and three consecutive cage matches all into one night isn’t advisable for just about any wrestling card, but damn it do they try to make it work.

Working in the show’s favor is its magnificent roster. It’s jam-packed with bonafide legends in the sport. One of the things that sped up the AWA’s downfall was losing all of its top talent and that’s readily on display. Names like Harley Race, Rick Martel, The Rockers, Curt Hennig, Sherri Martel, and even lower card wrestlers like Boris Zhukov would all be working under Vince McMahon within the following two years. It’s bittersweet watching this knowing they’re going to lose mostly everyone and everything that made them such an elite promotion not too long after, but it’s at least a nice reminder that there was a point in time when there was a third major promotion in the United States for talent to grow and flourish.

Overall, though, this show failed to make a strong impression on me whatsoever. Another factor leading to the AWA’s demise was their inability to adapt with the times so while I can’t say I was completely bored watching it, it’s easy to feel like this is a promotion lacking in considerable edge. There’s honestly nothing here I feel I couldn’t have gotten from another promotion around the same time. I get the AWA’s whole aversion to the WWF’s cartoon style of wrestling, but the trade-off is a tone that’s got about as much color as a dulled Crayola Washable. Plus, the camera work and production values are so subpar that just watching this show can feel like a chore. It says a lot that Verne Gagne would still rather trust his then 60-year-old-self in a prominent spot on a super card than literally any of the exciting younger talents presented here. It’s sad, really. The potential for a bright future is staring at him right in the face and will all pass him by until the promotion withers into dust.

My Random Notes

I think there were a couple of minor celebrity appearances on this show but none of them are Susan St. James so I’m not gonna even fucking bother.

I wanted to be nice, but Little Mr. T seems like such barrel-scraping indy fed shit that I can’t not remark upon it. Like, they had to have known how second-rate that character was gonna look when the real Mr. T had been on WWF television, including two WrestleManias, for over the past year. You can’t convince me.

I need to talk to my therapist about my weird, inexplicable attraction to Ken Resnick. Seriously, what a babe. Don’t @ me.

If we’re talking strictly in kayfabe, Col. DeBeers is definitely up there as one of the biggest pieces of shit in the business. I mean, a pro-Apartheid white supremacist who “doesn’t have time for minorities” is pretty up there in terms of evil characters. Eat your heart out, Attitude Era Big Bossman.

And if we’re talking strictly in real life, Buck Zumhofe is definitely up there as one of the biggest pieces of shit in the business and I hopefully won’t have to mention him much around these parts going forward.

Massive fuck-up by Ron Trongard during the women’s battle royal by mistaking Candi Devine, the actual women’s champion of the fucking promotion, with Debbie Combs. It actually infuriated me and I shouted at the TV. Could you imagine how much heat someone on the Raw commentary team would get for doing that today?

I had zero patience for the boxing match on this show. I skipped through most of it. Fake boxing matches on fake wrestling shows are never ever good, but that hasn’t stopped literally every major promotion trying their hand at one.

Nothing quite says American patriotism like Sgt. Slaughter advocating for war crimes on Libya and forcing a group of children into saying the Pledge of Allegiance.

Pretty surprising to hear them namedrop the WWF when talking about Windham & Rotunda. Again, still learning the ropes on this AWA stuff. What name dropping a competitor like that a common occurrence?

They really didn’t have a better time to give Scott Hall that trophy? They couldn’t have just done that at a TV taping?

There was apparently a Waylon Jennings concert at this show which is not on the WWE Network version, but it’s no worries on my end as I only would’ve cared if it were a Waylon Mercy concert.

#awa #wrestling #wwe network

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dapaywinduh-blog · 8 years ago

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WWE Raw Time Machine: Episode Two

We continue through 1993 in WWE with Episode Two of Monday Night Raw. This episode includes a show-long storyline involving the Macho Man, as at the open of the show, Repo Man (Barry "Demolition Smash" Darrow) attacks Savage and, no joke, repossesses his hat. Boo. Also, Rob Bartlett is still here, but we get no impressions and less jokes overall. He actually sounds bitter, like maybe he got a talking to from Vince. In-ring, we get three matches this week, and they are mostly better quality than last time. Mr. Perfect defeats "Terrific" Terry Taylor, who is back after a stint in WCW. Taylor is still trying to live down the Red Rooster gimmick, so it seems a bad idea here for him to literally wear the same entrance gear as the Rooster, and come out to the same theme. Oh well, he'd go back south soon enough. Marty Janetty works with Glen Ruth, who would go on to be Headbanger Thrasher a few years later. And in the main event, Ric Flair wrestled El Matador Tito Santana. This match was interesting in the sense of seeing Tito wrestle Flair, but it was a very basic match with no interesting spots, and a DQ finish as Perfect runs out to brawl with Flair. Afterwards, Flair cuts a screaming promo about wanting a "loser leaves WWE" match with Mr. Perfect next week, then hugs a woman in the crowd for no reason. Perfect calmly walks out and politely agrees, which is weird. Also there was a Bret Hart interview, where he promotes the match with Razor Ramon for the title at Sunday's Royal Rumble. He cuts a typical Bret promo - no enthusiasm, no great lines, kinda looks like he'd rather be anywhere else. All in all, this show was way better than the first one. The wrestling was the focus, not the bad jokes and skanky ring girls. Maybe Vince is already meddling with the formula? No matter the reason, it is a relief. Next time, we will take our first trip to PPV in 1993, as we recap the Royal Rumble.

#WWE #Raw #Ric Flair

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mr-wrestlemania · 1 month ago

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Living Legends Chapter 3(Monster AU)

Summary: Tensions reach a boiling point outside the ring and Shawn has to make a choice that would define his future in the business. Yet he can't help but mourn what he has to put behind him. Vampires are sentimental creatures after all.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58924921/chapters/153644029

Previous Chapter

The Rockers had already lost track of how long they were in the ring. The Rockers and The Hart Foundation were closing the show out together, but so far any attempts at pinfall came short. Marty stood at ringside anxiously as he watched Jim Neidhart throw Shawn around the ring. Bret and Jim purposely kept Shawn away from Marty as they continued to tag each other in to wear Shawn down. The Rocker kept kicking out of their attempted pins, but his stamina was dropping by the second.

“C’mon Shawn!” Marty yelled.

Shawn was being set up on the top ropes by Jim and the exhaustion made things look bleak. He opened his eyes as he was launched but latched onto Jim Neidharts's arms to take him down to the floor.

Both men yelled as they hit the mat and Shawn curled up in agony.

Marty was practically jumping out of his shoes as he stretched his arm towards Shawn. “C'MON BROTHER!”

Bret stomped his feet as Jim started to crawl across the mat. His body screamed but Jim wasn't one to quit halfway.

Shawn groaned and clawed his way away from Jim. He staggered onto his feet, exhausted and ready to collapse. His determination was enough to allow him to tag Marty before he stumbled into the ropes.

Jim tagged Bret and dragged himself to the outside of the ring to catch his breath. Bret was more than ready to clash with Marty from the way he dashed to the center of the ring.

The two men were fresh and eager to throw the other around. They first grappled until Marty buckled and got dropped onto the mat. Bret grinned and started to run the ropes. The Hitman tried to elbow drop onto Marty but Marty rolled out of the way.

Bret yelled after he hit the ring and held it while he laid on his back. Marty grinned and signaled to Shawn to position himself at the ropes.

“You good? You ready for this?"

Shawn nodded and Marty started to climb the ropes. He sat on top of Shawn's shoulders, took a deep breath, dove off of Shawn and on top of Bret. Bret yelled under the weight of Shawn landing on top of his ribs and Marty clapped with glee.

To the shock of all of the participants, the bell rung before Marty tried to pin Bret.

Bret rolled out from under Marty and staggered onto his feet. “Why'd they ring the bell?!”

Marty looked at Shawn in confusion. The Rockers leaned onto the ropes as they looked down at the announcers.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! This match has come to a draw and reached its maximum run time!”

“You've gotta be shitting me!” Shawn groaned.

Jim laughed and shook his head, “Maybe if you just gave into the sharpshooter you'd lose with dignity.”

“Fuck that.” Shawn spat. “Won't catch me under Bret like that.”

Marty rolled his eyes and shoved Bret away, “If you'd just lie down we could have wrapped it up!!”

A guttural growl came from Bret as he glared through Marty. Bret jumped forward and knocked Marty down.

“Hey! Cool it!” Shawn growled back and threw Bret off Marty.

Bret wiped his mouth and winked at Jim. Then they both swung to knock the Rockers down.

Marty jumped to his feet and ran to punch Bret in the gut.

Shawn went after Jim, only to get flung into the turnbuckle by Jim's thick arm.

“Its a free for all in there!! Somebody stop them!” One announcer cried out.

Wrestlers from the locker room spilled out to separate the teams, but everything went according to plan. Shawn and Marty reluctantly backed off and went backstage first.

“You're lucky we caught on quickly, Bret. We almost thought you were serious about decking us.” Shawn spoke from his shower stall while scrubbing his hair.

Marty stretched and scrubbed at his back in the stall next to Shawn's, “It's still bullshit it ended in a draw, but that just means we were evenly matched.”

Jim was on the bench drying his hair, “You two don't go down easy. Been a while since the tag division was this exciting.”

“I'll say.” Bret stepped out of a stall after he wrung his hair out. “You two feel like drinking? Roddy found a good watering hole not too far from here.”

Marty burst out with a grin, “That sounds great right now.”

Bret raised his eyebrows at the sight of Marty’s hooves and the small horns that stuck out of his hair. “You're a satyr??”

“Oh- Shit I took my ring off..” Marty stumbled to his bag to dig his ring out.

Jim smiled, “You too huh?” He held his leg up to show a bracelet around his ankle. The engravings were almost the exact same on Marty's ring.

“You're..one of us Jim?” Shawn lowered the towel from his hair.

“Course I am!” Jim laughed, “How do you think I keep up with my wife?”

Bret curled his nose, “Don't go any further with that. I'd rather not imagine it before eating.”

Shawn chuckled and grabbed his clothes to change into, “Jim, if you don't mind me asking, what are you?”

Jim unclasped the ankle bracelet and the illusion fell right off of him. His spine was covered in sharp spikes that stopped at his neck. Two horns protruded from his head that curled upwards. Even his pupils had a lizard-like slit to them.

His smile was much sharper but he broke the silence with a loud cackle. “I'm a Hodag! Granted you probably don't know about us, we're mostly famous in Wisconsin.”

Marty was in absolute awe, “That's wicked, brother. Look at those horns! Got any uh..tips for horn care?”

The two rambled off while Shawn watched with a smile. It was more of a relief to see Marty get along with someone on the roster. Envy definitely ran through Marty, but it was a healthy amount from what Shawn could sense.

“You guys ready?” Bret called out.

“Sorry. Got distracted.” Jim slipped his ankle bracelet back on to keep up his human appearance. “Now I just gotta get dressed, one second!”

Marty slipped his ring on his middle finger and its magic disguised his hooves and horns. “There. Now I'm ready to partay.”

Shawn snorted a little, “Don't lie to me Marty, you're always ready to.”

“Okaaay. I plead guilty, but I take no shame for it.” Marty giggled and slipped his shirt on.

The group departed the locker room once Jim got some pants on. Their spirits were tired, merry but thirsty.

The bar Bret took them to had a calming atmosphere, which was sorely needed from how the tag team’s match ended, but the men hardly thought about it as they walked around. Bret had broken off to play with a pinball machine while Marty looked at the drink menu with Jim.

Shawn leaned over and watched. His hunger was satiated for the moment, so he mostly just sipped his drink. “Didn't think you knew how to play these.”

Bret smirked, “Oh please, I'm pretty fond of em. I kind of like arcades honestly but there isn't one around. Hopefully the next venue will be in a city with one.”

“Yeah?” Shawn chuckled, “Love to see you in one. Ought to play with you one day.” Shawn hardly knew what he was saying until after the fact.

The Hitman blinked and stood back up. “Right. I'll kick your ass in air hockey if you're serious.” He smiled.

“Oh of course the Canadian is good at a variant of hockey.” Shawn playfully rolled his eyes, only to be lightly shoved by Bret.

“Alright you two don't get too rowdy.” A familiar voice called from behind them.

“Roddy!” Bret beamed and clasped hands with the veteran wrestler.

Shawn perked at the sight of the Rowdy Roddy Piper. Roddy noticed the nervous looking blonde and grinned.

“You're Shawn Michaels I take it? Good match out there, even if it was a draw.”

“Thank you- That means a lot.” Shawn chuckled, “We tried to at least work that shoot fight to get heat around us. Maybe tease future matches.”

Roddy laughed and sat down, “Good idea. Never too dull to stir the pot.” He took a deep swig of his drink and grinned, “Yknow, you're really good at the high flying stuff, but you gotta hold your own eventually. I could see you raising hell in the singles division.”

Shawn raised his brows, “You think so? Shoot, I don't even know what gimmick I'd have. Still, it's exciting to think about y’know? I've wanted that ever since I was a kid.”

“Then don't be hesitant to broaden your horizons, kid. You've got potential. Can see why Bret was itching to fight you, he's a very honest critic.”

The blonde smirked in Bret's direction, “Glad to see it was mutual.”

“Yeah, well. The Rockers made things interesting again. Every match we have feels like a real challenge.” Bret shrugged in his leather jacket and hummed.

Shawn was practically starstruck with getting praise from such seasoned wrestlers. Unfortunately, it didn't last as long as he had hoped, a far nastier aura had caught his attention.

Marty put Shawn's drink down with enough force to spill it a little. “He's not the only Rocker. Though it sounds like everyone keeps forgetting that.”

Shawn winced and got up, “Marty, easy.”

“I've tried to be calm about this! I've been trying all damn day!!! Here I thought we were celebrating but it's just you getting your flowers. Is that it?” His skin practically felt like it was boiling from the rage and envy.

Roddy shook his head, “Don't do something you'll regret-”

“-Stay out of this!” Marty snapped back at Shawn, “Since everyone seems to think you're the superior Rocker, prove them right Shawn!”

Shawn raised his hands a little, “No, I'm not fighting you. C’mon let's not do this-”

“-You are not going to make me look bad. I'm just as important as you are Shawn!”

Shawn grit his teeth and stared Marty down, “Then why don't you fucking act like it?!”

That's all it took for Marty's blood to reach a boiling point. A quick right hook from Marty had Shawn on the floor. He staggered back onto his feet and grunted.

Shawn then swung at Marty nailing him in the ear. The ringing in his ear made Marty stagger but he charged at Shawn and punched him on the side of the head. Shawn's world went dark and he was knocked out quicker than he could blink. Even for a Satyr, Marty was much stronger than he looked.

Marty was pulled off by Jim and the bartenders started to panic at the chaos.

“Shit..” Marty staggered onto his feet and stared down at Shawn's sprawled out body.

His throat tightened so hard it felt like he was being choked. Shawn looked dead. People would notice. They'd be outed. He wanted to rip his hair out, break a horn. Anything to show how sorry he was.

This wasn't all his fault. Shawn kept inviting attention to himself. He didn't mind forgetting all about his buddy Marty.

Then why did Marty's chest ache so bad?

Roddy shot up to help Shawn off the ground, “Kid. Get the hell out of here now. If you know what's good for you.”

The rocker looked down at his teammate and felt the weight of his actions nearly tie his chest into a knot. He couldn't move or think. Marty couldn't do anything.

“Janetty, get out of here!” Bret urged and moved his attention to help Roddy sit Shawn down.

It felt like he was trying to run up a sand dune but it was just the floor of a bar. He felt pathetic. By the time he got outside, it was too late.

Jim ran over to the window, “Shit. Cops are here! They're gonna arrest the idiot.” He cursed under his breath as he paced.

Roddy sat Shawn up on a chair and dusted himself off, “Someone's gotta break the news to him when he wakes up-” He paused when he looked at Shawn's chest.

It wasn't moving.

“-I'll take care of that. Don't worry about it.” Bret leaned into The Piper's ear, “He's not human, and far from dead. Deader I guess. Help me get him out of here.”

“..Alright Bret.” He nodded, “Got a rental? I'll get your car for you.”

Jim tossed Roddy the keys, “Red ford just around the corner. Thank you man. I'll pitch in and help carry sleeping beauty.”

“Good man.” Roddy quickly exited the bar. “Randy? What are you doing?”

The Macho man was signing something for the officers before he noticed Roddy, “Ayyyeee Pipes!! I just had to explain to our brothers in blue here how our fights work. Poor Marty here just got too into it, right?”

Marty Jannetty nodded, “Yeah.. I didn't mean to scare anyone..”

“See? We'll take it from here. No harm no foul am I right?” Randy grinned and the two officers practically beamed.

“Right. See to it that he's more careful in the future.” They smiled at the autographs and drove off.

“Look, you're lucky I was on my way here but you gotta cool it kid. Save the punches for the ring, you hear?”

Marty felt like a child being scolded and hugged himself close. “Yes sir.”

Roddy shook his head, “Bret and Jim got Shawn. You should probably give each other space for tonight-”

“-No!! I need to make up for what I did!” Marty was almost in tears but Roddy blocked him from entering the bar.

“You can do it later. Go. ” Roddy's eyes flickered up and down Marty's build. Randy stood close by with an intense look on his face.

Marty took a few steps back and took a deep sigh. “Okay..I'm sorry.”

Murmurs of slurred words and faint humming were the noises that greeted Shawn stirring himself awake. Jim nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Shawn turn onto his side.

“Shit! You were as still as death just a second ago..” Jim got up to knock on the bathroom door, “Bret! He's awake!”

“Coming!” Bret could be heard fumbling around with the sink and dried his hands on his shirt.

Shawn blinked and looked around the room, “What the fuck happened back there..? And where the hell am I?”

Jim put his illusion ring on the side table and stretched his clawed hand, “Marty knocked your butt clean out.”

“Jim!” Bret nudged him.

Shawn groaned and turned onto his backside, “That explains why my face hurts. Dammit it was in front of Roddy Piper too.”

“I guarantee you he doesn't think less of you for that. Marty was just immature about you getting praised. Unless..” Bret glanced over, “Does he know?”

“..He does yeah.” Shawn rubbed his face and sighed, “I thought he took it well, but he must have bottled it up. Fucks sake!”

“Take it easy, you got into a fight after we had a long match. Still, I'd be riled up too.” Jim shook his head and sat on one of the beds.

“I don't know if I can keep doing this.” Shawn stared at the floor.

Bret paused and sat next to Shawn, “That's it? You're gonna quit over this?”

Shawn stomped his foot and shook his hands, “I don't know man!!! Maybe? He's done nothing but get worse. I mean. I haven't exactly been the best influence on him.”

“Yeah. You two are already known for being hardcore partiers. It's big of you to admit you are at fault too, but you wanna wait on a plan? You should take a breath before doing anything rash.” Bret smiled a little, “Even though you don't need to breathe, it would do you some good.”

“..Well I can't argue with you on that.” Shawn took a deep breath and leaned back on the couch, “Yeah. I'll sleep on it, but I don't know if I can sleep with Marty right now.”

Shawn blinked and sat up to rephrase his statement, “We could only afford a single bed-”

Jim chuckled, “No no, we got it. I mean, it's not a bed but better than sleeping next to the guy who beat you up.” He gestured to the couch with his eyes.

“You don't mind?” Shawn looked between them.

Bret snickered, “Just a warning. Jim sometimes sleeps in the buff.”

“C’mon! I cover myself.” Jim huffed.

Shawn snorted a little, “I'd wear my eye mask if I had it. It's back in our room. I could go back and get it with my stuff.”

Bret nodded, “Mind if I tag along? Just so Marty doesn't do anything weird.”

Marty surely would raise a brow at Shawn bringing Bret, but god a part of him wanted Marty to get mad. He wanted Marty to see that he did have more than him. It felt a little wrong to use Bret like that, yet he did offer himself.

Shawn smiled and nodded, “Thanks. I'd appreciate it. I still have the key, it's just on the first floor. What floor are we on..?”

“Second. We'll take the elevator. Be right back Jim.” Bret got his shoes on and followed Shawn out of the door.

Shawn’s head started to ache from how angry he felt, that or it was just that sore from Marty clobbering it hours prior. His jaw was so tight, his teeth practically started to grind against each other.

Bret noticed Shawn's silence in the elevator and frowned a little, “Do you want me to wait outside the room?”

His thoughts hit the breaks and he sighed. “Yeah. If you wouldn't mind. I don't expect him to be as feral as he was earlier..but. I dunno.”

They stepped out of the elevator and found The Rocker's room. The dread made Shawn's whole body feel numb. His fist hovered over the door while his fingers felt like they were pricked with tiny needles.

He recalled what Bret had told him earlier and took a deep breath.

Knock knock.

The door quickly opened and Marty hesitated to even look at Shawn. “Hey.”

Shawn hardly blinked. “Hey. I'm here for my things.”

Marty moved out of Shawn's way and noticed Bret in the hallway. A pit in his throat formed but he had enough in him to shut the door.

“Where are you going?”

Shawn grabbed his bag and started throwing his clothes inside. “To sleep in a room without you. I'm done after tonight.”

“What?!” Marty's eyes widened and he tried to follow Shawn, “Shawn you can't quit c’mon..- Shawn I'm sorry!”

Both of them froze in place. Shawn slowly turned around to look at Marty with cold eyes. Marty took a deep breath and shook his head.

“I was jealous. The way I acted was childish. I'm sorry..”

He'd hear a similar song and dance before. The apologies felt almost empty at that point. Shawns eyebrows furrowed and he scrunched his nose as he spoke.

“You're right. Didn't even have a drink in you and you still wanted to hit me. How far is this going to go Marty? After I stuck my neck out for you, everything we've been through?” Shawn scoffed, “We'll talk in the morning. I need space.” Shawn turned away from Marty to hide his watery eyes.

Marty wanted to reach out and hug Shawn like they used to do, but he held himself back best he could. His breath shook and sat on the empty bed with his head pointed to the ground.

“Okay.” His reply was short but it hardly masked how close he was to breaking down.

Shawn turned his back to Marty and left the hotel room without another word.

Bret pushed himself off the wall and looked at Shawn. “Sounds like it was peaceful- ..Shawn?”

The blonde man's blood boiled and his throat ached. His face felt hot as his body disobeyed him. Tears welled up in his eyes but fury gathered in his fists. Punching something wouldn't help, god he just wanted some relief-

“-Shawn.” Bret gently put his hand to Shawn's shoulder. “You're biting your lip too hard, your fangs made it bleed.”

Shawn jolted a little and wiped his mouth. He glanced away from Bret while he wiped his eyes. He felt pathetic being caught crying by Bret, but he was never one to hide his emotions too well.

“Sorry.”

The Canadian smiled a little and squeezed Shawn's shoulder, “C’mon. This isn't the place, but don't be sorry about it. You have feelings too.”

Shawn sucked a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. “Yeah. Thanks…”

Jim noticed Shawn was much quieter than earlier, but Bret told him not to pry. Bret was the first to pass out and looked tangled in his blankets. Jim occasionally would toss and turn, but a strange feeling crept along his neck. He opened one of his eyes to peek around the room.

The sight of Shawn's eyes piercing through the darkness nearly caused Jim to yell. For a moment, he hovered over Bret without making a single noise. The glow of his eyes in the night resembled that of a night predator contemplating how to rip his dinner apart.

Shawn suddenly turned his head toward Jim and he felt like he couldn't breathe. His body was frozen in place under Shawn's uncanny gaze. Sure he knew Shawn was a vampire, but he had never seen a hungry vampire before.

It felt like they locked eyes for eternity, but Jim had to blink. His eyes ached for relief. When he opened his eyes, Shawn was gone. His breath returned to him in panicked gasps and he sat up to scan the room.

Bret didn't stir one bit and simply just snored softly. Jim didn't see any blood around Bret's bed, but couldn't check if Shawn bit any other spot. His blankets didn't have bloodstains, so he could relax for the night. Mostly.

“I'll check in the morning,” Jim thought as he laid back down, “Maybe he picked someone else..Bret's fine. Gods don't let him murder Janetty..”

That morning Bret answered their wake up call and smiled at the sight of Jim splayed out on his back. Thankfully he was still covered by the blanket but the discarded boxers on the ground by his foot got a chuckle out of Bret.

“C’mon Jim up and at'em!” Bret tossed the underwear on his brother-in-law's face.

“Okay..oka-” Jim pulled the underwear off his face and cackled a little, “Oops. Guess I kicked them off. Is uh- is Shawn awake?”

Bret turned a lamp on and Shawn was as still as death. It was hard for him to take his eyes off him.

“I think so..?” Bret whispered, “It's times like this where I'm reminded he's undead. For a second, I thought he really was-”

Shawn's eyes opened almost immediately, “-Dead? Nah. Just sleepy.” He sat up and stretched.

Jim looked at Shawn's mouth and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. He at least suspected maybe a little blood from biting someone, so what did Shawn really do that night??

“What? Do I got something on my face?” Shawn rose to his feet to check his reflection in the bathroom.

“Lot of good that will do ya.” Jim snickered.

“Jokes on you, Anvil. They don't make mirrors with silver anymore.” Shawn smirked and wiped his mouth clean of dried spit.

He was still hungry .

His eyes looked more human, so he didn't have to drain anyone dry just yet. Yet, the way Jim had stared at him made chest ache.

The night before was such a blur, but he was sure he was more than careful of how he fed himself while his hosts slept.

“Maybe he saw me prowling..” Shawn washed his face with hot water while he thought to himself.

His face had fresh bruises from the fight and it was one of the few times Shawn wished he didn't have a reflection. His throat ached as he thought of the night before, but every emotion in his body made his head spin. Of course he was furious over what Marty did, but he didn’t want to give up on wrestling forever because of him. He lowered his head onto the sink counter to look away from his teary eyed reflection.

Then a loud knock jolted Shawn out of the void. “Yeah? Sorry I’ll be out in a sec..” Shawn splashed cold water on his face in a panic.

“Not to rush you, but we just got a call for you Shawn.” Bret spoke through the door, “It’s the boss.” Shawn flung the door open, “Oh fuck, don’t tell me he heard..” Bret sighed, “Yeah. He did. He needs to meet with you and Marty to discuss things, that's all he said. I’m hoping for the best.” He could tell Bret was trying to make him feel better, but it only sounded like Bret was dreading the same thing as him. Shawn took a deep breath with Bret and leaned against the doorway. “I won’t quit. I know that now, I’m going to shoot for the singles run..” The Hitman smiled, “Good! I’d hate to miss out on throwing you around. You’re a talented guy, Shawn.” The praise he got from Bret made his pupils change shape, although he couldn’t really tell. Bret’s brows raised when he saw Shawn’s pupils turn white. It almost looked like they were..sparkling? “What?” Shawn blinked, a little nervous at how hard Bret was staring at him.

“Sorry, your eyes are kinda.. Doin something.” Bret chuckled a little. Shawn turned red and huffed, “They tend to do that if I get too excited. It’ll fade, just ignore it.” Bret had to subdue his laugh while he rubbed the side of his head, “Nah, I think I’ll remember it” “You need something for your headache Bret?” Jim chirped, “Looks like it’s getting worse.” Bret sighed, “Yeah.” He then turned to Shawn, “Let me know if anything comes up, will ya?” Shawn smiled, clasped hands with Bret and carefully hugged him. “Of course. Oh- By the way, showers help with migraines. Might wanna try that.” “You heard him Bret.”Jim smiled and hugged Shawn.”Take care of yourself. I’ll make sure Bret here doesn’t lose his head.”

The blonde nodded and grabbed his bag, “Thanks for housing me. I’ll let you guys know how it goes.” He made a quick glance over his shoulder before he left out their door. Bret didn’t think much of it, but the image of Shawn’s eyes came back to his mind for a moment. Bret rolled his eyes and waved Shawn off, “Jim why do you keep looking at my neck?” Jim thought of the way Shawn stood over Bret the night prior and shook his head, “Nothing.” “You’re a horrible liar.” Bret tossed his shirt onto the bed, then slipped into the bathroom. “I’ll be fine, it’s just a headache. Give me a few minutes okay?”

“Alright…” Jim sighed. He wanted to give Shawn the benefit of the doubt, but something kept nagging at him. What else could have Shawn done to Bret?

Shawn continued to walk down the hall with some pep in his step. It was going to go right, even if he had to pull the strings himself. As he stood waiting for the elevator, he gazed at his reflection with a smirk. His eyes were more vibrant than ever and even briefly had a pink hue to them. “You helped me more than you know Hitman..” Shawn chuckled to himself.

“Thank you for meeting me here so abruptly, normally I send more of a notice ahead of time.. But given what you two were up to last night, I had no choice.” The Boss sat across from the Rockers. His eyes scanned them carefully. “Marty. Tell me what happened.” Marty had shrunken in his seat from how Shawn couldn’t look at him. He glanced nervously at their boss and sighed. He had to own it up.

“It was my fault sir. Shawn was just defending himself.” Shawn could hardly believe what he heard, but bit his tongue as Marty continued. “He was getting praise from other wrestlers and I acted impulsively..” Marty frowned and glanced at Shawn occasionally.

Mr.McMahon nodded and tapped his pen against his armchair, “See, we can work this to lead to your tag team break up, but only if you two keep it under control until the payoff. Are you two going to be okay until then? If you’re still interested, that is.” Even though a vampire’s heart beat far slower than the pace of a normal heart, Shawn felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He hated it, he wanted to claw it out of his chest with his bare hands. Marty’s eyes widened a little when he saw a pink hue briefly appear in Shawn’s eyes.

Shawn smiled calmly. Confidence and pride pulsed through his heart at a steady pace as he fixed his posture. “I am.”

Marty gripped his pants legs and felt the room slip away from him. The conversation wasn’t about him anymore. The glassy look to his eyes caught Shawn’s attention and pulled him into two different directions.

"Well, I see no reason to continue this further. So long as you two keep any fights in the ring, I’ll look the other way. For now. Find some way to coexist until then, are we clear?” “Yes sir.” Both Marty and Shawn responded. “Good. I expect the Rockers to be at the next venue, you’re closing the show out again.” They nodded and slipped out of the room. Nobody waited for them outside but the unspoken tension between them. It practically had them by the nape of their necks and Marty couldn’t take it anymore. The fog over his eyes broke like a shattered mirror and Shawn had to step over the shards. “Shawn- Shawn I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.. I never wanted to do something like that to you, brother. I just- I let my emotions get the better of me but that’s not an excuse. If you want to go singles then I won’t stop you..but please tell me this isn’t the end for us.”

Shawn swallowed nervously, “If we work on it, I don’t see why it would be. I just need some new boundaries Marty.” “Of course!” Marty smoothed his hair out and nodded, “What are they?” “I can’t feed off of you anymore. The overdose and..last night just prove it’s not helping either of us. I was addicted to your adrenaline and taking it from you to make you chase more might make you self destruct… I’m terrified of that Marty.”

He softened upon seeing Shawn’s raw emotions peek out and gently touched his arm, “I know. I’m sorry that all I can say is I’m sorry . What about you though? How are you gonna get what you need..? I’m worried about you too Shawn.” Shawn wiped his face and shook his head, “I can take care of that. Promise. If it gets bad, I’ll say something from now on.” Marty smiled, “Good. I know it’s been rough, for both of us..But I have your back Shawn.” “Are you still mad about me going singles..?” Shawn walked side by side with Marty, still cautious on where they stood. He sighed out of his nose and stuck his hands in his pocket, “Not really? Long as I don’t lose you, y’know? I’m scared of the future, I won’t lie to you but I’ll be happy for you. Maybe it’s a bit too soon to say how I feel about it, but I won’t hold you back anymore.” The self depreciation made Shawn’s eyebrow twitch, but he tried to brush it off. Marty yawned as they got into the elevator and rubbed the corners of his eyes. “Now I think I can get some sleep.. What about you?” Shawn glanced at his reflection again and leaned back on the railing. “I’ll be just fine.”

#shawn michaels #hbk #wwe #wwf #bret hart #shawn michaels wwe #hbk wwe #hartbreak #90s wrestling #80s wrestling #the rockers #marty janetty #living legends fic tag #wrestling fanfiction

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fromtheringapron · 7 years ago

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Coliseum Critique: WWF Rampage ‘91

It’s so easy to write off the WWF Coliseum Home Video releases of the ‘80s and ‘90s as merely products of their time because, well, they are. And truthfully, it’s tough explaining their appeal to anyone who wasn’t fortunate enough to have them on the shelves of their local video store back in the day. But thanks to the WWE Network finally caving to years of demand, they’ve been uploaded for critical reappraisal. That they’ve been so requested by fans suggests they’re were more than just a fad, and I’ll be exploring why with the Coliseum Critique.

I chose to start with WWF Rampage ’91 because, um, The Rockers teaming up with The Big Bossman? Count me the fuck in. In all seriousness though, I feel like this tape is pretty exemplary of the Coliseum Home Video library. There are a bunch of random matches strewn together, with some silly segments sprinkled in between. That may not seem like much in a time where big matches are given away for free on Raw every week, but matches between two name talents didn’t happen all the time on TV back in ’91 so something like Road Warrior Animal vs. Paul Roma is made to feel all the more special and important. It’s almost like not showing all of your roster on TV every week to the point of overexposure can actually work in getting everyone over. Hmmm.

Anyway, let’s get down to it. I’ll be structuring these reviews a bit differently than my regular ones and I’m honestly still figuring out how to do that so bear with me:

Golfing with Sean Mooney, Gene Okerlund, and Bobby Heenan: This is a series of segments shown between each match, but I think it’s best to keep it as one entry because I’m lazy. It’s not a proper Coliseum Home Video release if Sean Mooney isn’t hosting it. It’s hard to describe the appeal of Mooney, but I do think it has something to do with the fact he seems like your average newscaster who just so happens to be thrown into the wacky world of pro wrestling and deals with it accordingly. He’s also not unlike Julie Chen on Big Brother in the sense that his awkward, stilted manner of talking actually enhances his charm.

He’s joined by Okerlund and Heenan at a golf course, which is apparently located in Stamford, CT and is probably just Vince McMahon’s backyard. The segments are mostly just Heenan being incompetent at golf despite Okerlund’s attempts at giving him lessons. That’s another thing about Coliseum Home Video. You’ll get these random segments that have nothing to do with wrestling, but are nonetheless a delight. It’s just a hoot seeing larger-than-life characters try to do everyday stuff.

Intercontinental Championship Match: Mr. Perfect (champion) (with The Coach) defeated The British Bulldog via disqualification: Perfect and Bulldog wrestled each other a lot on the house show circuit in the spring/summer of ’91. Mooney keeps calling Perfect “The Flawless One” on commentary and it annoys me a great deal. Stop trying to make fetch happen, Sean. This match also gives us a rare look at Perfect’s short-lived manager The Coach, who is such a downgrade from Heenan and is super unnecessary. Since they’re setting up Bret Hart as the top contender for the IC title by the time of this match, he shows up in Bulldog’s corner mid-match but winds up causing Bulldog to get disqualified when he attacks Perfect. If I were Bulldog, I’d actually be pissed at Bret for costing me the title. He really couldn’t rise above his tiff with Perfect to help his brother-in-law win the title? I guess Owen was right; Bret is too damn selfish.

The Texas Tornado fought The Warlord to a double count-out: This takes places in Madison Square Garden. The Warlord’s look is amazing, sorry. Seriously one of my favorites. I know some people mock it, but I dig the Phantom of the Opera meets Star Trek vibe of it all. You know who doesn’t look amazing? The Texas Tornado, who is wearing years of drug use on his face by this point. I’d say more but HOLY FUCK JIM NEIDHART IS ANNOYING ON COMMENTARY. I have no idea why they thought his work in 30-second Hart Foundation promos would translate into hours-long television broadcasts, but this match takes place smack in the middle of that experiment. As for the match, both guys get counted out of the ring, but Neidhart’s commentary caused me to nearly blackout so I kinda feel like I missed most of it.

Road Warrior Animal defeated Paul Roma (with Hercules): Different MSG show, same annoying Neidhart commentary. What’s really distracting here though is that the order of the classic red/white/blue ring ropes has been switched up, with blue as the top rope instead. It’s amazing how just swapping the red and blue ropes can suddenly make the WWF look like a knock-off indy fed. Anyway, Roma and Hercules flip a coin before the match to see who will wrestle Animal but since this is Power & Glory post-WrestleMania VII, they’re already losing either way. No idea of Road Warrior Hawk’s whereabouts during this match, but I’m guessing it’s due to an injury, drugs, or the classic wrestling mix of both.

The Big Bossman & The Rockers (Shawn Michaels & Marty Janetty) defeated The Mountie & The Nasty Boys (with Jimmy Hart): One of the coolest things about Coliseum Home Video is that you’d sometimes get these ultra rare team-ups you would never see on television. The Rockers teaming up The Bossman is a prime example, so my enjoyment of this match largely coasted on that basis alone, or maybe it’s just because Shawn wears one of those silly Rockers hats to the ring completely stone-faced. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk it about it before, but The Mountie’s entrance music is incredible. It’s like an aerial shot of the Canadian Rockies put to sound. Just beautiful. On a grim note, it’s taken me forever to realize the Bossman is wearing the Confederate Flag on the sleeve of his shirt. And here I thought he was problematic for killing Al Snow’s dog and ruining the funeral for Big Show’s dad.

The Dragon defeated Demolition Smash: Simply referring to Ricky Steamboat as “The Dragon” does not feel kosher in any way, but that’s what the WWF wants us to roll with. Like, I get they wanted him to appeal to younger viewers, but didn’t he already do a pretty a good job of that in his first run just by being Ricky Steamboat? The funny part is that The Dragon was actually my introduction to Steamboat, as I owned his Hasbro figure growing up. This is from the same MSG show with the messed-up ropes. Again, distracting. Watching Demolition Smash here all by himself makes me deeply sad. He’s stripped of everything that made Demolition the top tag team in all of wrestling just a year prior. No Axe, no Crush, no Rick Derringer entrance music, no S&M masks. Even Mr. Fuji has bailed on him. No wonder why he turned to a life of Long Ranger masks and stealing people’s stuff. The poor guy had nothing.

The Barbarian (with Bobby Heenan) defeated Jake Roberts via count-out: My mind drifted during this match, admittedly. I will say The Barbarian’s look is also amazing. They really did a good job of making sure both former members of the Powers of Pain look like total badasses. This takes place during that special time where Earthquake murdered Jake Roberts’ pet snake Damien on TV. Quake gets involved in the match here to continue the feud, although when he came to ringside I started thinking what it would’ve been like if he were managed by Heenan instead. Like, I imagine Heenan would’ve quickly picked up a guy whose raison d’etre was once to put Hulk Hogan permanently on the shelf, yes? The downside is that we’d be robbed of those amazing promos where Quake is bouncing around with Jimmy Hart shrieking in the background. Anyway, The Barbarian holds a victory over Jake Roberts. How about that?

Greg Valentine defeated Haku: This is from the other Rampage event, broadcast exclusively in the UK a month after WrestleMania VII. Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper are on commentary for this. I don’t really have much to say about the match, other than Greg Valentine as a face is super weird. It’s such a contrast to his “grumpy bus driver” aesthetic.

Power & Glory (Hercules & Paul Roma) (with Slick) fought The Orient Express (Kato & Tanaka) (with Mr. Fuji) to a double count-out: Okay, this is the random ass shit I want out of a Coliseum Home Video release. You see, kids, a classic Coliseum Home Video match isn’t a showcase of technical expertise or a high-risk spotfest. Rather, it’s the matches that make you stop in your tracks and say, “Um, what?” That’s simply the Coliseum Home Video way, and a generation of fans accepted it.

Heel vs. heel matches are already pretty rare for this time period, but what also makes this match a bit of an odd duck is that both teams were on their way out by the time of this video’s release. The Orient Express never got that huge of a push, but Power & Glory look like a shadow of the fresh-faced tag team they were just a year prior. Hercules in particular looks like he’s aged 10 years, and I could probably write up a separate entry on the dreariness of Herc’s final months in the WWF alone. It’s appropriate that this match ends in a draw considering both teams are going absolutely nowhere. And, wow, two Paul Roma matches on this tape? Coliseum Home Video, you sneaky temptress.

At Home with Paul Bearer: I love skits like this. It’s fluff, yes, but it’s also character development just for the sake of it. This honestly would’ve freaked me out as a kid, especially the part where a human corpse falls out of Bearer’s closet. Bearer shows us his cocktail bar where he makes his favorite drink, a Bloody Mary except we’re supposed to believe it’s actually blood from a dead person named Mary. He can also make a Bloody Jane, Cindy, and Tom. His favorite book is Death of a Salesman which, I mean, cool if you like it, Paul, but I’m personally not an Arthur Miller fan. He’s also apparently inherited the Macho King’s throne after Randy Savage retired from that role. I’m kinda disappointed we didn’t get to see the rest of his home. What’s his bathroom look like?

The Ultimate Warrior defeated The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) via disqualification: The Warrior/Taker feud is proof that you can go totally out there with a storyline and still have people invested in it. I mean, I’m pretty sure the basis of the feud is that Taker tried to murder the Warrior by locking him in a casket, which in turn triggered Warrior’s claustrophobia (there is a lot of attempted murder in early ‘90s WWF, if you pay close attention). Warrior then sought guidance from Jake Roberts, who trained him by burying him up to his head in a grave and later betrayed him by leading him to a room where he was bit by a fake cobra in a box. Um, okay, not sure how they’re getting from point A to point B there, but whacked-out shit like this is why I watch wrestling.

It also helps that I actually dig the Warrior/Taker pairing because I think the characters compliment each other quite well, with Warrior’s frenetic energy contrasting nicely to Taker’s cold, emotionless demeanor. One thing that surprised me about this match is that Warrior gets his ass kicked for much of it. Taker is really being made to look like a legit threat around this time, which sets him up perfectly for Hogan later in the year. He gets some of Warrior’s face paint on his gloves, which Lord Alfred Hayes on commentary seems to mistake as human skin on commentary. That’s a tasty visual if there ever was one.

And with that, the tape reaches its conclusion!

What I’ve Learned: Coliseum Home Video releases were a great way of developing characters without worrying about putting them near a wrestling ring or wasting any precious television time. In retrospect, they also serve as a nice history lesson as to what the feuds and roster were like at the time of the video’s release, and this particular tape gave me plenty of insight into the state of things in the spring/summer of 1991. Yes, the matches are randomly strewn together, and they wouldn’t be able to pull it off successfully today, but it’s a nice reminder of a time where booking made matches between wrestlers on the lower end of the card still fresh and important. Other things I’ve learned: Bret is too damn selfish, the works of Arthur Miller aren’t interesting, The Bossman isn’t quite as reputable a policeman as everyone thinks, The Barbarian and The Warlord are the fashionistas we’ve always needed, and Jim Neidhart should stay far, far away from the commentary booth.

#wwe network #coliseum home video

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