#marriedlifewithm

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

This has been a refreshing week. We got a whole week just the two (and melody!) Of us.

Tomorrow we’re spending the weekend at his moms and will do another hike and train with Melody 💚🐾

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

It has been a hot minute since I posted anything. I feel like I blinked and almost an entire month passed me by.

M and I moved into his friend/ex’s house. That’s been an adjustment and I’m definitely finding myself triggered a lot. Her relationship with her wife is rough. I’m still waiting on my first check to see what we’ll be making and if this is the right choice after all.

The job is going alright. I’m trying to be patient and wait and see what it’s like. This is only my second week and while I don’t find the job to be hard (at least not once I get more familiar with medical terms), it’s again nothing I am passionate about.

I think the money is gonna be great. They hired me at the highest they are able to pay me, meaning I have the higher end of experience they were requiring. I’ve been in training all this week for their documentation and kind of about my role. There’s not a ton to feel excited about.

My hospital (they have a ton of them) has a psych unit that I’m trying to shadow/train on. My boss said she would see if that can happen. Even then tho, I’m not getting to do any kind of psych support.

I think the paycheck will motivate me to keep pushing through and maybe the lack of satisfaction will push me through the rest of grad school.

I think at this point I’ve had enough experience to see that my passion really lies in the mental health side of social work and I can’t give up here. Hopefully this will serve as another stepping stone to make connections to slip into a job I want. There’s tons of mental health support roles at the hospital, I’m just not credentialed for them at this moment.

However, I did slip in through the back door with this one with my BSW. I’ve yet to meet another. Everyone else is MSW or LCSW. (There’s a couple things I can’t do at the job because I don’t have my masters). But maybe I’ll get lucky and be considered for another role in the future.

For now, I’m trying to be open with M about my feelings with work and our living situation. I’m feeling overall positive, just needing to make time to process my thoughts and feelings again.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

I’m a married woman! 👰🏻‍♀️

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Love our days off together 💚

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

I love how he appreciates what I do. For the record tho, my chicken turned out horrible, but he will always eat what I cook even if it’s not great

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Since I rarely post happy things, here is a happy post! It’s M’s bday weekend so I surprised him with a trip to SeaWorld, wine tasting, dinner at a restaurant he’s been dying to go back to, and then repticon with his friend 😊 it was a really fun weekend and im glad we got away for a couple days (especially after not really having a honeymoon)

Also I may want to get a jumping spider in the next few repticons. Met a couple breeders today and we talked about my fear and if it would be a good fit. Both said I’d be fine and that they’re a beginner level spider (not that I’d ever want anything larger haha).

Today was the first time I’ve gotten so close to a spider. I was looking at the stand of one and a girl was like “oh do you want to see too?” And just handed it to me in the cup (closed) haha. Before I could realize what was happening, it was in my hand. So after that, I felt very brave picking up all the cups and checking them out. One of the breeders opened the cup! I got scared and backed away, but ultimately got up a little closer. I looked at some tarantulas in their cups too 😫 too terrifying, not at that level yet.

I’m going to ask the female breeder in January if I can handle one of the adults that’s used to being touched. I feel much less afraid of spiders lately and honestly really want to explore the idea of owning one of these cute babes

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

A small update between hyper focuses.

Work is going fairly well today. I have finished one task that took me half the day and will probably be taking back my Friday that I requested off 🤦🏻‍♀️

Melody (the black dog) was super sick all weekend. Had to get fluid because she was so dehydrated from being sick. She did nothing but sleep for three days which is so abnormal. She is finally feeling better and hasn’t had anymore Symptoms and we are so relieved.

I saw my parents on Saturday. Little Maggie was also sick with a UTI but still hyper. It was my dads birthday. Going over there is still weird, but with melody being sick, we did talk a little bit about M and what we are up to.

I think *maybe* there could be a time where they tolerate talking with him and *maybe* would come visit on neutral ground. Still highly doubt there would ever be a time where they accept our marriage. It’s progress, them saying his name or acknowledging that he exists…even if only in connection to our dog.

I’m still drowning with work. I was trying to be better boundaried this week. Not working off the clock, clocking out by 4pm. But…I haven’t done that. I did one day and here I am, work piled up again.

I think my period is coming early because I’ve been an anxious raging sleepy bitch since Sunday. I’ve lost count of the number of panic attacks I’ve had since Sunday. I’m either sleeping, crying, or yelling at M. So hopefully that starts soon so I can go back to being a normal human being.

We are both off tomorrow to take M’s grandmother to the airport and are going ti look at some apartments for the move. I’m going to start applying for jobs in June and we should be moving in August. I am not telling my boss because I’m not sure if this will work out or not. I feel a little bad keeping it from her because she’s always allowed me/made a safe environment for me to be honest. But the reality is that I am really struggling here with the amount of physical paperwork there is. The job is overall easy. I’ve had jobs with more paperwork in the past, but they were all electronic and I never had an issue with paperwork building up/losing things/turning things in late/working beyond my 40 hours until this job.

I might be looking into more hospital/health insurance based social work. The pay seems really good for it.

I have two more months of this school year, so I’m at least going to see it out til the end and they can try to find a replacement over the summer when school is out. I think that’s fair.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Today is a better day because I’m saying it’s a better day.

M and I have been going to marriage classes at church on Tuesdays now. It’s great. There’s a good mix of ages and the lessons/sermons they use have really great knowledge and advice. I think I needed last night to reset my mind. We had gotten a little off topic, but led to how we reset our minds and intentions.

This morning, M forced me out of bed at 7 even though I didn’t need to get up until 830. He reminded me to meditate and pray, so I did. My body feels lighter almost.

I’ve been listening to our pastor’s podcast every morning and this morning was about what to do when we are overloaded and overwhelmed. I don’t know how God does it, but He always sends me a message when I’m most in need. I put on some worship music after that and prayed.

On another note, M has been looking into this motorcycle school. We did the tour and it really seems amazing. I started looking last night at jobs in the area because I think I’m just burnt out at this one, especially with the amount of physical paperwork. We’d be closer to Orlando and Omg the job opportunities out there for a BSW…TWICE the amount I make here in a smaller town, just for the bachelor level.

So, I’m really excited for what is ahead. It seems like M is going to pursue this opportunity and it’s going to give me so much more opportunity to get paid what I’m actually worth.

I can’t wait for these changes 😊😊

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Looks like we might be moving again soon 💀

When does life get stable? How are other 30 something’s so stable? I have moved almost 20 times in the last 13 years. I feel like I’m always in a state of adjustment.

Anyway, moving for good reasons but stressful none the less. M may be starting a motorcycle school to learn how to fix bikes, both for his own knowledge and the potential to work at a shop. I’m really happy for him in deciding this route.

We need to move though because the school is 2 hours away. We found a nice middle point that puts him 30-45 minutes from the school and me 35-50 minutes from my school. It’s a pretty even trade for me but I think it makes the majority of my schools in that 40 minute range which would be beautiful.

I’m worried about moving melody again because of her reactivity. I wonder if she’s feeling that same “state of transition” as I am. And sad we found a good trainer and won’t get long with her.

BUT I think this is a good step and I’m excited. Oh! The school also has grants for people Who need to move for the school which would cover the moving deposit AND utilities for the first two months. How perfect is that?! Fingers crossed we are accepted for that.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Hello 💚

I feel I’ve reached a not only a new chapter in my life, but am onto a whole new book. I am in a season of new beginnings. I am trying to make my blog as positive as possible, while also still being realistic about the demons I battle.

Some things you may find on my blog and the tags they’re under:

#mentalhealthawareness - I am diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety and Often talk about how that affects my life as well as how I am overcoming it in therapy

#socialwork and #JourneytoMSW - I am a social worker and preparing to start my masters program.

#comingoutqueer - mostly discussion about how I am handling being queer in a devout Christian family and how I am reconciling that with my faith as an affirming Christian

#marriedlifewithm - I’m getting married in November! And I talk a lot about my relationship with my fiancé.

#progress - documenting my fitness and health journey

#kyscooking - I also love to cook!

I hope you stick around 🙃 my inbox is always open, even if I kinda suck at replying quickly. Feel free to send asks but….I probably will keep forgetting about that part of tumblr 😅