#marriage came up and my sister in laws were like marry a man from pakistan theyd treat you better than brown men from england

[violentdevotion]

muslim men will talk nonstop about how islam granted women rights and then will try to bend over backwards to take them rights away from women. what do you mean zina is okay if men do it ??? throw your phone into the ocean

[ginazmemeoir]

Women in the Indian Epics

This post is in response to @hindumythologyevent (i won’t be able to write tomorrow)

Ramayana and Mahabharata, while being epics centred around Hinduism, are actually integral parts of Indian culture as a whole. Everyone in India has grown up knowing about these epics, but never about the women. I would like to take this moment to make people realize THESE. EPICS. WOULD. BE . NON. EXISTANT. WITHOUT WOMEN. HECK ALL OF US WOULD BE.

1. RAMAYANA: While there’ s no shift in the status of women chronologically, there definitely is a marked changed in the social status of women in the epic geographically.

  North - 

Kaushalya : Princess of Southern Kosala (modern day Bundelkhand in India), she had proposed her marriage to Dasharath, Ram’s father, to stop the war between their kingdoms. In the epics, she is shown as “virtuous” and “sacrificing”, and is Ram’s birth mother.

Kaikeyi : Princess of Kekaya (modern day Pakistan-Afghanistan border region), she had married Dasharatha of her own accord, on her own terms. She was a powerful woman, and a powerful warrior - she had saved Dasharath’s life in a war, and consequently Dasharatha had granted her two boons. She used these boons later to banish Ram to the forest for 14 years and make her son Bharata the heir. A figure of scorn in the epic, Kaikeyi was actually an independent woman, who knew her cards.

Sumitra : She just kind of exists we don’t know much about her, except that she’s the mother of the twins Lakshmana and Shatrughna.

Sunaina : Queen of Videha (modern day Nepal), she was actually the one who ran the kingdom while her husband, Janak, looked after the “spiritual” nd “philosophical” aspects. Most people don’t even know about her.

Sita : The female protagonist, she is the Princess of Videha, and thus also called Vaidehi. In fact, there is a language in her honour called Maithili after her. She is actually quite passive in the epics, shown as yet again “virtuous” and blah blah blah. A few versions also say that she was actually Ravan’s daughter, or the reincarnation of a woman who Ravan had molested and so the woman vowed that she would be the cause of his death (mmm not so much I mean the dude was asking for it). FINALLY she does something after Ram banishes her cause people accuse her of Stockholm Syndrome WHILE SHE’S PREGNANT, and then tries to take her back once he gets to know that he’s a dad - twist, Sita has to prove she’s innocent by WALKING THROUGH FIRE AGAIN (she did it once after she escaped). So instead of doing this shitty thing again, she invoked the Earth Goddess (another legend says Sita is her daughter) and went away with her.

Manthara : Kaikeyi’s nanny, she came along with her after she married Dasharatha to take care of her children. Shown as a disfigured old hunchback, she is the one who had “instigated” Kaikeyi to banish Ram and make Bharata emperor. She’s one of the most hated characters in the Ramayana.

South - (FINALLY women don’t call their husbands ‘lord’ or ‘my king’)

Tara : The Monkey Empress, Tara was a powerful individual. After her husband Bali was killed by Rama, she ran the kingdom while her brother-in-law Sugreev whored away. Really wise, and commanded respect.

Mandodari : Daughter of the architect of Asuras Mayasur, Mandodari was another powerful woman. She was Ravan’s first wife, and is often seen speaking her opinions in the epics, reprimanding Ravan and genuinely being a boss-ass bitch, which as the epics state “was unusual”. Legend also states that Shiva had made her out of a frog (manduk in sanskrit), so that Ravan could stop pestering them.

Shurpanakha : Quite literally meaning “as sharp as nails), Shurpanakha was Ravan’s sister. Also known as Meenakshi, some hold her responsible for the annihilation of Ravan as her revenge for Ravan killing her husband. She had actually tried to seduce Ram and Lakshman while they were in the forest, but instead they pranked her, and not in the nice way (people, YOU DO NOT PRANK A DEMON PRINCESS). So when she saw Sita laughing, she thought it wa sher idea and attempted to kill her. Immediately, the “chivalrous” Lakshman ran to defend Sita and cut off “the evil temptress’” nose. So anywho Shurpanakha tells Ravan to avenge her, and later she goes to Ayodhya and spreads rumours about Sita’s affair with Ravan for revenge.

Kaikesi : Ravan’s mother, Kaikesi was the original heir to Lanka before it was given to Kuber, the dwarf lord of wealth. She later married the monk Vishravas, and had almighty children (some say this is the only reason she married him). She was the one who created Mega Ravan after the war to avenge herslef.

Sulochana : The Naga Princess, Sulochana was the daughter of the snake king Vasuki. Not much is known about her, except that she committed suicide after her husband Meghnad (Ravan’s son) was killed.

other characters : Trijata - she was Sita’s bodyguard in Lanka, and also Ravan’s  niece. She was the one who consoled Sita and protected her from the other demons.

Lankini : The guardian of Lanka, she had been defeated by Hanuman.

Urmila : Sita’s younger sister, who was married to Lakshman. Later, she fell into a coma for 14 years, till the time all three of our protagonists returned.

Surasa : The Sea Dragon, she tested Hanuman’s strength on his way to Lanka by attempting to eat him.

Simhika : The Shadow monster, who ate creatures by grabbing their shadows. She was killed by Hanuman.

2. MAHABHARATA : Ok this epic is more recognized, and also the women here are SO much more badass. The Mahabharata represents a chronological change in women’s status in Indian society.

Urvashi : Queen of the nymphs (apsaras), Urvashi had married the mortal king Pururavas on the condition that nobody will hurt her pet lamb, and that nobody except Pururavas will see her naked. So the gods killed her lamb and “opened the doors with mighty winds” and “lit the skies with lightning” when Pururavas and Urvashi were having sex, so everyone could see Urvashi naked. She then left Pururavas, who grew mad. Later, she tried to seduce Arjun (Pururavas’ descendant) and when he refused, she cursed him to become a eunuch.

Ganga : The River Goddess, she married Shantanu only on the condition that he would never question her or her actions. Then, Ganga proceeded to drown all of her and Shantanu’s children. When Shantanu finally stopped her from drowning the eighth one, it was revealed that they were actually gods cursed as humans and Ganga was only doing this so that they could go back to being gods again. Anywho, since Shantanu had technically questioned her actions, she left him and took the child. This child was Bhishma.

Satyavati : She was born when a fish ingested a king’s sperm (LONG story), and the fish gave birth to her. She was known for her beauty that rivalled the gods, and also her fish stank. she had sex with the sage Parashara and gave birth on an island to Vyasa (the Mahabharata’s author). In return, Parashara granted her the boon of irresistible scent. Later, she married Shantanu on one condition - that only her lineage would rule the throne, which forced Bhishma to take his vow of celibacy. A woman of naked ambition, she made sure that it was her blood only that ruled the throne of Hastinapur.

Amba : The princess of Kashi (modern day Varanasi in Uttar Pradesh), she and her two sisters were abducted from their marriage by Bhishma on Satyavati’s order to be married to her son Vichitravirya. Amba escaped Bhishma, but her husband refused to accept as she “was now another man’s property” (BITCH). When she asked Bhishma to marry her, he refused because of his stupid vow. So she sought revenge on him and went to the warrior sage Parashuram. Parashuram was enraged at Amba’s condition, and invited Bhishma to a duel till death. However, he realized that their duel could actually end the world and stopped it. Angry, Amba burnt herself alive and promised to be reborn as Bhishma’s death. She was reborn as the transwoman Shikhandi, Draupadi’s sibling, and ultimately killed Bhishma. (more popular versions state that she actually stood in front of Arjuna, and since Bhishma couldn’t “raise a hand on a transwoman”, Arjuna could safely kill Bhishma from behind her.

Gandhari : Princess of Gandhara (modern day Afghanistan), Gandhari’s kingdom was destroyed by Bhishma and she was married to Dhritarashtra, the blind prince. To aid her husband, she also blinded herself for life by wearing a blindfold at all times. Mother of the hundred Kauravas, she had uttered that fateful curse which caused the destruction of Krishna and his empire.

Kunti : Princess of Mathura, she was adopted by king Kuntihoja. A resourceful and sharp woman, she had received a boon to have kids by any god she wanted. Out of curiosity, she tested the boon and got the son of the Sun god, Karna. Not ready to be a teen mom, she threw the baby in a river (the baby lived). Later she married Pandu, Dhritarashtra’s younger brother, and gave birth to Yudhishthir, Bhima and Arjuna from Yama (god of death and law), Vayu (god of wind) and Indra (indian zeus) respectively. She spent her entire life protecting Pandu’s five children after his death, even burning six people alive during the Varnavat incident.

Madri : Princess of Madradesh (present day Tamil Nadu, India), she was Pandu’s second wife and gave birth to the twins Nakul and Sahadeva from the Ashvini Twins (gods of healing and knowledge, she had used Kunti’s boon). She committed suicide after Pandu’s death.

Draupadi : Princess of Panchal (modern day Uttar Pradesh, India although some people say it could also be Punjab), she was born from fire. She and her brother were created to avenge their foster father Drupad. Married to all five Pandavas, she later became Empress of Indraprastha, and encouraged her husbands to fight for their rights. Molested and disrobed after the Gambling Hall incident, she vowed to destroy the Kuru dynasty - and that she would not wash her hair until they were washed with Dushasana’s blood, the man who had disrobed her. Krishna treated her like his own sister, and today she serves as an inspiration to all women.

There are a LOT more women in the Ramayana and Mahabharata, but i would have to write another separate 500 pager for that, and honestly i have run out of brain juice right now. so i leave you with this - STAY BADASS LADIES.

[ammi-ka-shehzada]

“1995. I was 16. He was 17. We saw each other for the first time in front of Copper Kettle in Liberty Market Lahore. He was a friend of my cousin’s and they met briefly while I waited next to the car. He thought I looked like a snob and I thought he seemed too chummy. So “hmph” teenage moment!

We met off and on with the cousin but never got along. Snob vs too chummy didn’t stand a chance!

1997. I was 18. He was 19.

I was in my BA 3rd year. He still hadn’t completed his A levels...moment of silence there.

I took his number from the same cousin and called him one night in June to talk about something pestering me. Something I knew only he could help with. Incidentally he was alone at home and free.

So, as fate would have it, the snob girl and the chummy boy ended up chatting the entire night. Something which is quite a heroic achievement in the times of one landline a house. That too in the TV lounge and Amma Abba’s surveillance at its peak.

Bharpoor taaliaan!

The next few days we ( separately in our own lives) couldn’t help but think of how well we got along in that one chat. It was actually as comfortable as chuddy buddies.

So. A few days later I, the cheeti ( as my sister called me later) called him again! From the same landline ( it was an orange phone I still remember that. I still remember his phone number also) and from the same TV lounge. Guess what? Yes! Another all night chat. But drop scene yeh huwa ke meri walida mohtarima aa gayeen subha 5 bajay. She didn’t exactly figure out what was happening but of course antennas were up. And Mr Rana ki to sitti gum ho gayee (which he told me later). He said he walked outside on the road at 5 am for hours panicking that I may be in trouble.

Later in the day he walked to a PCO to call and check if all is well. The phone kept ringing and shutting until I picked it up. And a voice said “Sarah?” I said “ uhh no” He said “just wanted to check are you ok?” I said “Yes”.

Relief for him.

Giddy smile for me,

And that was it.

Two telephone conversations later we were both 100% certain that we wanted to get married.

Why?

Because it was just so easy to talk to each other. We are the absolute opposites when it comes to personalities, like & dislikes, habits and general approach to things. But, we were both so sure. The kind of bond we had was special, and we couldn’t let go of it. 23 years later, this one fact still holds true.

Acha jee. Ayen na zara practical zindagi main. Jag jayen thora. 19 sala Hero A levels kar raha hai. Theek hai na? Interest kis cheez main hai? Theatre main. Operation theatre nahin. Drama wala theatre. Theek ho Gaya? Heroine BA kar rahee hai. 3 sisters and an EXTREMELY strict and conservative household. Fauji abba. Elder sister engaged. Matlab ke next in line to get married and Amma Abba completely clear on the fact that 1 acha rishta and baat done and beti ko tata bye bye. Parhayee etc sab 2nd priority.

Kher. Nazreen waqt ka pahiyya chalta raha. BA ho gaya. Lekin hero A levels main fail ho gaya. Bijlian gir gayeen armaanon par. His result came out the day my best friend was getting married. Crying my eyes out was easy because it got camouflaged behind my missing her. Everyone thought she was so lucky to have me as her best friend My Masters degree began and he enrolled in a local foundation course for an external degree.

My elder sister got married matlab tamaam topon ka rukh kahani ki heroine ki taraf. Rishtay atay rahay lekin waapis bhee bhee rahay, Shukar Alhamdullillah! Never did rejection feel so good!

1999.

He told his mother kyunke bairooni maddad ki zaroorat par chukki thee. Aik rishta serious ho gaya tha. Army Captain. I wonder where he is now...ok. Focus. His mother was super supportive. I collected the himmat to confide in my mother. Jhaar pari lekin qayamat nahin ayee. Baree hee maharat se donon walidas to milwaya. Makhan lagaya. Kiya nahin Kiya. They both said ok we will help you. Plan yeh tha ke my Ami will defer potential rishtas and his mother will bring the rishta as soon as he nears graduation and can talk to Abu with some grace.

Took a promise from us that we strictly follow boundaries.

No exclusive meetings.

No one should be able to see us together.

No compromise on this.

And we remained true to our word.

Now when I think of it I feel SO good about us. I kept studying. He tried studying and kept doing theatre. Started debate coaching with the initial pay of Rs. 5000.

2000.

My Masters done. Itni parhi likhi qabil heroine. Hero ka final year. Finally!!! Rishta aa gaya and came the million dollar question “yeh larka Akhir karta kiya hai?!” Start of a new era of daily discussions and many at times fights of Abu saying this is insane and Ami supporting me ( how sweet).

2001.

Finally a graduate. Hero found a job of 13000 Rs. Wasn’t great but I was ready to marry an unemployed man to Yeh to lottery thee. I started working. With almost the same pay...and Somehow, after two years of convincing and case pleading we got engaged on the 1st of January 2002. By far that day is, even now, the happiest day of my life. If anyone asks me that question, the first image that pops in my head is that night. It was surreal...honestly it was just meant to be. There was nothing going in our favour but somehow it happened.

Understanding yeh huwee the shadi araaam Se ho gee. Obviously hero was 23 years old!!! But dekhain, dulhan 22 kee thee na...and that’s OLD in a conservative, Punjabi family. To naya katta khul gaya na. My parents wanted it over and done with ASAP and his parents were reluctant. I can understand both sides but qeema kis ka bun raha tha? Aik saal main tension peak par pohanch gayee aur wohee huwa jo filmi stories main hota hai. Hero ko laga unn ke Amma Abba ki “insult” ho rahee hai and unhon ne mangni tor dee... jee haan!!! 🥁🥁🥁

Lekin heroine ki dhittayee par to medal banta hai. ( My sister suggested that I should talk to Abu. Matlab ke khud kush Hamla). Aadhi raat ko ja kar Abba ko jagaya aur bhaaan bhaaan kar ke dukhi kahani sunayee. Felix felicious feeling thee seriously. He heard me. And somehow promised to take care of everything. And he did. Date set ho gayee. Aglay saal ki! 365 days later. That one year was torturous. Because both set of parents were extremely upset with each other and both of us were constantly playing peace makers with one goal. Countdown to 365 days...it was exhausting!

But main ne bhoolne nahin diya hero ko ke mangni main ne jori. Jee Haan. Pehli call bhee main ne hee kee thee. I’m sure he mutters under his breath “why did you?”. Acha jee six months before the big day, Mr Rana decided to quit his job and pursue acting. Chalo jee. Naya sayapa. To huwa Kiya? Everyone discouraged him. Except me. But he wanted to satisfy his parents and went to UAE for a job hunt. Nope. No luck. Came back and announced that whatever it takes I am going to pursue my first love. Theatre and acting. And there was no turning back. Nautankee it was!Amma Abba told me clearly ke soch lo. There is no certainty or future for theatre or acting in Pakistan. All my life I’ve been answering the wretched question “So what does he ACTUALLY do?” Lekin kahan jee. Nothing hits home when you’re in “lurvvve”. He assured me that he will make me the happiest girl on earth. I believed him.

2003.

To kar li shaadi.

We were the happiest people alive. I honestly have seen VERY few couples as happy on their wedding day as we were. We were actually on cloud 9. Ready to take on anything that life brings. Anything.

Early marriage days were an absolute dream come true. We felt that all hardships are behind us and we have conquered everything in life. If we can do this, whatever life brings will be easy! Life with him for me actually meant a fairy tale. I was the stupid, naive, day dreaming princess and he was my Prince Charming, equally young and naive. He was supposed to whisk me away from a life of curfews, restrictions and boundaries to a house where I could paint the town red! From the house that didn’t allow me to laugh loudly and clap without a reason to a house where dancing to random songs was daily routine. Without any occasion or reason.

The fact that we paid for a 2 day stay at PC Bhurban with our salamis was a matter of pride for us. We still talk about how we sat down on day 3 and counted if we can stay another night, which we couldn’t and came back.

Happily.

The first few months were like a daze. With no luxuries but plain joy. We had so much fun. Just being together. Nothing mattered. Driving to work in the morning chatting chirpily, watching TV with dinner, going for groceries. Finding joy in the smallest of moments. Will our car ( a 3rd hand Alto) start or not in the morning was a daily bet of ours. The fact that our entire pay ( both) was spent completely on basic necessities was a matter of pride for us. Watching late night movies with a pizza was an absolute luxury!

I was willing to face anything with him. For him. When our car’s windshield smashed during a toofan we didn’t have extra cash. Omair won 10000 Rs at a theatre festival the very next week and we got it repaired. Drove around for days with no windshield and we still laugh about it 🙂

But things started going downhill a few months later. My super comfortable relationship with my mother in law turned bitterly toxic, for reasons incomprehensible to me ( at least then).

My 29 year old elder sister suffered a brain hemorrhage in UK and was in the hospital for months. In and out of surgeries before coming around but her movement was affected for life.

My parents and younger sister went on rotation to be with her while I stayed back because I was “someone else’s wife” now so he was supposed to take decisions for me. Finances became a big issue so I took tuitions to save money and go visit her.

Omair found a better job and kept doing some TV work on the side but it was a struggle with nothing to fall back on. My heart would be with my sister but I would act jolly because “ghar ka mahaul kharab hota hai”. He decided to study and applied to LUMS for an MBA and started preparing for GMAT, which meant greater financial stress one me. But I stood by him. He didn’t get in ( a behteri in hind sight). The constant stress affected my gynea system... I actually didn’t feel like having a child because I was just so unhappy...and the uncertainty of life, my sister’s health, my parent’s stress and his career had started getting to me. But it had been three “LONG” years, and that gullible version of me caved in to pressure and we started treatment. What followed was two years of scans and injections and tablets and all the side effects that come with it.

2007. Eventually, an IUI worked and Rayaan came along. In bitter reality Rayaan was my clean chit in the eyes of the society that I am “complete”. I did not feel any gushing love for him. Omair on the other hand was over the moon! He has not loved anyone like he’s loved Rayaan. He is born to be a father. And that was a blessing, because Rayaan got the love he deserved from Baba while Amma was busy fighting her battles. The toxic relationship with my mother in law turned unbearable, I almost had a nervous breakdown and we moved out. It was ugly.

Omair didn’t have a job at this time. We had an infant and no worldly possessions at all except my jewellery and bedroom furniture. Fun fact: I had no jahez. Omair’s family made is 100% clear that there will be no jahez. Full marks to them there.

In these 4 years the ONLY thing that kept me sane was Omair, his humour, and our friendship. In these years we became even closer friends than before. He would listen to me silently if ever I felt like venting my heart out. Mostly I tried to keep it in because I didn’t want to upset him. Just silent hand holding was so comforting when he didn’t have any words of tassalli for me. He didn’t share his stress because HE didn’t want to stress me out.(This is when I realized strongly how the man is the worst hit in a conflict between his wife and mother. Made a mental note of never ever letting my son go through this. I hope I remember this by the time that time comes)). We cared for each other as friends before anything else and kept going...We have always been more of friends than anything else.

Something that caused huge problems later because married people need to be husband and wife, behave like a couple, argue like a couple and demand stuff like a couple. But we thought as long as we can communicate openly, make each other laugh, never dream of hurting the other and never go to bed angry, all is well.

This man has made me laugh at the toughest of times and has always ALWAYS been kind. That alone is something I cannot thank Allah enough for.

2008.

This marked the year for us actually starting from scratch. I sold some of my jewellery to buy furniture (Something I confided in Omair much later and he still hates this fact) crockery and appliances. We used up all of our savings. We set up a two room portion far away from the city which we called home for two years. I remember someone bringing flowers which I put in a balti because there was no vase. Meals were on the floor. We used to leave home at 645 daily to drop Rayaan to day care ( eternally grateful to The Early Years ) and get to our jobs. I was teaching at several places and so was he. We were shuttling between jobs all day. Only to return in the evening exhausted, showered ( if we had the energy), have omelette toast and crash. All this was just making ends meet, pay rent, bills, Rayaan’s fee, basic grocery and NO savings. Eating out was out of the question. But we were SO very happy.

It was unbelievable.

Even now when we look back the two years at “26 M” were the warmest, coziest, happiest ever. I actually found out what people mean when they say money isn’t everything. I learnt to love my baby boy who was an absolute Godsend. He took his first steps on that terrace. We got heat strokes from the hot weather but still managed to smile. The first sofa set we bought was second hand, for Rs 4000, which Omair refused to give away till 3 years ago.

The beds in the 2nd room were given by a dear friend for free. We shared the bills. Since we couldn’t eat out much I experimented with a lot of cooking (Dalda ka dastarkhwan was my saheli in those days).

Sharing financial and household responsibilities was never ever a problem between us. It was always “our” money, our responsibilities. We were both fighting our separate battles of the move ( we really never wanted to move away from his parents and this was very painful for both of us differently) but we never fought over it. Everything was always so civil and so comfortable.

2010.

We moved to a better place. Things settled a bit vis a vis work. Him and mine both. Slowly the ice started melting with my in laws ( things now are 100% ok. Yeah. That also happens. A lot of the credit goes to my parents in law here. But that’s a separate post) Slowly and steadily we made a home.

Right now, I’m sitting in our TV lounge of the home we’ve been in since 2010. And when I look around, every single thing that I can see has been bought by us personally.

Alhamdullillah.

Allah has been so unbelievably kind. If I say that we have actually built a home from scratch together, it’ll be 100% true. From a teaspoon to the TV to the car. Everything. But we still remember the first 5000 he earned and the third hand Red Alto whose floor collapsed while we were driving it. Flintstones!!!!

2011. I had my miscarriage.

2012.

This was the year we lost our twins in the 33rd week.

What followed was a complete fallout between us.

Oddly enough...We were heartbroken, more for each other than our own selves. I struggled desperately to deal with everything that follows after losing a child. But I failed miserably because of my combination of “I have to be strong”, “ I should always be grateful”, and “ everything happens for a reason” and “I need to be there for him”, and “Look how much pain my sister has gone through, this is nothing”.. But my body wasn’t agreeing with my mind and I fell critically ill.

Hospitalized for weeks while doctors struggled to figure out the problem. Eventually managed to come out of it Alhamdullillah but it took its toll on our relationship.

We drifted apart although he looked after me with such care that it makes my heart melt every time I think about it. But we both knew that it wasn’t the same.

For reasons we both knew and understood but didn’t have the courage to talk about. Since we were such close friends, we both understood the other’s thinking process and we let each other be. It was like parallel lives. We came home to each other, never stopped loving each other but we started living our own lives. Professionally we both grew but as “us” we stopped moving.

Now, when I see couples making this mistake I make it a point to tell them. Ask them to talk it out. Understanding each other’s struggles and giving each other too much space at the cost of your own happiness can cause irreversible damage.

This lack of communication is something I regret in hindsight. Something that went on for years and something that caused our marriage to almost end at one point...We didn’t even talk about what we were going through with anyone either.

No One.

Because our go to person was us...to kiya kartay?

But, yet again, guess what came to our rescue? Dosti. We just couldn’t give up on the dosti. No matter how much time we spent with other people, we just couldn’t help but miss what we have.

And what we have is extraordinary.

We feel at home with each other.

And that is irreplaceable.

You know the person who can look at you and understand what you are about to say? That’s us.

Home is where your heart is, and our hearts belong to each other. Three C sections and he stayed with me at the hospital. You want your mother around at that time and I wanted him. He’s changed countless pampers, done night duties with the kids, cooked breakfast for me, cleaned, dusted, changed linen, gotten furniture poshish done, taken me shopping infinite times, waited patiently while I got my threading done only so we can take a drive together, bought sanitary napkins, taken me for Falooda at midnight, you name it. He made me open my first personal bank account and asked me to put all my salary in it instead of the joint account, he’s never asked me how much I earn, never told me I’m fat ( and I’ve been fat!!!). Always disregarded comments about how “young” he looks compared to me. Something I have let bother me for years before growing up and not giving a rat’s ass eventually.

We’ve never ever argued in front of the kids. He’s always given me the lead in parenting, trusting every single decision I take as a mother, and never made me feel bad for the bad ones (there are quite a few).

He’s never stopped talking to me although I tend to give him the “silent treatment” quite a few times. He’s supported me most in my work. Helped me through the tightest spots professionally. I have grown as a person with him. I have learnt from him what it means to truly forgive someone, to be non judgmental, to drop one’s agenda and focus on the bigger picture. People say it about their fathers, and as much as I love my Abu with all my heart, my husband gave me wings to fly and the courage to follow my dreams.

He’s actually one of a kind.

Completely secure.

Non judgmental.

Hospitable and generous to the core.

Genuinely happy for everyone’s success and happiness.

Humble.

A truly happy person who wakes up every morning to live life to its fullest!

A truly loving father.

A genuinely caring son.

An absolutely accommodating husband.

A wholeheartedly loving brother.

A friend in need.

I’ve spent years being scared of Nazar and bad luck by telling people how blessed I feel, every moment of my life, but not right now. I feel if many people will jinx this, enough people will be happy for us and make the bad nazar nuetral 🙂 I think the world deserves to know this side of the coin as well.

There ARE men who are plain GOOD men. And I have been infinitely lucky to have one of them. I may become overwhelmed with fear in a few days though. I’m unpredictable in this department 🧿

My love story is rather simple.

I simply decided to marry my best friend. My best friend decided to marry his. And we really wouldn’t have it any other way. He calls me his “best mistake”. I still can’t decide if that’s a compliment or not I consider him “my lucky break” in life.

We haven’t had a marriage which revolves around expensive presents, holiday destinations or lavish surprise birthday parties but we have a marriage which has survived the test of time. It is based on years of honesty, trust, hard work and respect. We have both invested in it. Yes I have invested a lifetime in this relationship as well. I have compromised and given in countless times. Cried myself to sleep and wept in the shower. There have been numerous ugly downs in these 23 years...but the beautiful ups have been more than numerous. The laughters are actually infinite.

Alhamdullillah.

The most important thing is that we haven’t kept any scores. Who needs to keep a score when we both get to win in the end?”

-shared by Ms. Maira Omair Rana

Copied from facebook page: Humans of Kinnaird.

[biofunmy]

Not Quite Dating, but Certain About Forever

Rabiah Gul had a couple of goals in mind when she first met Marcus Harun. First, she wanted to show him that she was the savvy New Yorker he was expecting. She also wanted to return home knowing he was the man she should marry, even though she had no intention of kissing him, hugging, or holding his hand.

Ms. Gul, 27, of Middle Village, Queens, and Mr. Harun, also 27, of Hamden, Conn., met in July 2018 on Muzmatch, a website that matches Muslim singles. Both had signed up because they sensed that meeting a religiously compatible partner in their daily lives might be a challenge.

Offline, though, their lives looked quite different.

Ms. Gul is a lifelong New York City resident born into a large, mostly female Pakistani family. In addition to her parents and three sisters, she was raised in close contact with an aunt and four cousins, all girls, who also live in Queens. Mr. Harun is as suburban as Ms. Gul is metropolitan. He and his younger brother, Eunes Harun, were born in Connecticut to a Bangladeshi father and an American mother who shepherded them through soccer, Boy Scouts and apple-picking trips each fall.

Fascination with their contrasting lifestyles wasn’t what connected them on Muzmatch. Instead, both liked each other’s commitment to weaving traditional Muslim values into a modern approach to life and work.

“Marcus was very thoughtful when he said ‘Hi’ on the site,” Ms. Gul said. “He wasn’t superficial. He wasn’t the stereotypical guy who would say, like, ‘Cute pic.’ For some girls, that’s fine. But for me it’s a turnoff. I’m more than my picture.”

Mr. Harun also told Ms. Gul that he appreciated the emphasis on religion and family in her profile. And he was impressed by what she had achieved professionally. Ms. Gul is a tenant lawyer. After graduating summa cum laude from the City University of New York in 2013 and the University of Dayton with a law degree in 2016, she went to work representing low-income New Yorkers facing evictions and substandard living conditions at Boom!Health Legal Services, a nonprofit organization in the Bronx. She recently left Boom!Health for a personal hiatus and, after passing the New York Bar exam, is now looking for a new position.

For her, the plight of New Yorkers caught up in housing disputes is personal. “Housing law connects to my childhood,” said Ms. Gul, who wears a head scarf in public, and whose first name is pronounced Robb-yah.

Her parents, Gulraiz and Kalsoom Masood, arrived in New York from Pakistan in the 1980s. “They came to the U.S. not knowing the language, not knowing the culture and without much money,” she said. “Being exposed to tenants from marginalized communities facing unwarranted obstacles and seeing how many low-income residents were unrepresented tapped into a place of sympathy for me.”

Ms. Gul’s social consciousness also has taken on artistic expression. At CUNY, she wrote a comedic monologue called “Wudhu,” Arabic for “purifying process,” about her personal experiences trying to find New York City public restrooms where she could wash her hands, arms, face and feet before praying five times a day, a Muslim ritual. She performed the monologue at John Jay College, a CUNY senior college in Manhattan, as an undergraduate. By the time she was in law school, it was being performed as far as Indonesia and Ireland by other women.

On Muzmatch, “I was pretty wowed by her, and by how she balances religion and family and friends and having a career,” Mr. Harun said. “I love that she’s so into her career, and that she’s not the type of person who’d do a basic job at anything. She goes above and beyond no matter what she’s doing.”

The same might be said of Mr. Harun, a producer at MSNBC in New York who started his climb up the broadcasting ladder when he was in eighth grade. In 2006, his parents, Harriet and Mohammed Harun, let him build a news studio in their basement. The show he created there, “24 News Now,” got picked up by a public access station after he rounded up 20 fellow high school students from across the country to be reporters. When the local Fox News affiliate in Hartford, Conn., heard about the show, Mr. Harun was the subject of a news feature there. After he earned a bachelor’s degree in journalism in 2014 from Quinnipiac University, from which he also received an M.B.A. in 2015, he went to work at the station as the executive producer of the “FOX61 Morning News.” He began his job at MSNBC this past May.

The commute from Hamden is long, but the timing was right. By then, Mr. Harun wanted to spend as much time in New York with Ms. Gul and her family as possible.

Mr. Harun and Ms. Gul talk reservedly about meeting on Muzmatch. “At no point during the process of getting to know each other did we call what we were doing ‘dating,’” Mr. Harun said. “The process of meeting and falling in love that you might describe as dating was different for us. We had the intention all along of finding the person we wanted to marry.”

This was why, when they decided to meet in New York on July 28, 2018, Ms. Gul wanted to make sure she and Mr. Harun both left feeling the other was spouse material.

“I remember thinking, O.K., he’s traveling all the way from Connecticut,” she said. “I need to make it special.” By then, though, they were already spending hours talking on the phone.

Though Mr. Harun had visited New York several times, he was game to play tourist. When she asked what he would like to see, he sent her a picture. The Brooklyn Bridge was the backdrop.

“It was Dumbo, an area everyone flocks to,” Ms. Gul said. She arranged a meeting at Brooklyn Bridge Park, which afforded a view similar to the picture. There, they sat and talked. And fell in love.

“I get emotional just thinking about it,” Ms. Gul said. “He literally was my long-lost best friend. We talked about everything, from Kanye West to deeply intellectual things. The conversation just kept flowing.” Still, a kiss or hug goodbye was not in the offing for religious reasons: “According to Islam, any form of touching, kissing, holding hands or any sexual intimacy at all is reserved for marriage,” she said.

Ms. Gul met Mr. Harun’s parents soon after on the family’s annual apple-picking excursion. She had never been to Connecticut. “I had my first apple cider, my first apple cider doughnut,” she said. “And I got to connect with his family through this very cherished family tradition.”

Ms. Gul introduced Mr. Harun to her family around the same time. “I met a whole boardroom of people just sitting in her living room,” he said. “And they were so welcoming, even though I knew through the whole thing that having someone come and meet your daughter is a very big deal.”

By the time Mr. Harun started commuting from Hamden to the MSNBC offices, he was visiting Ms. Gul and her family regularly. Typical get-togethers included trying out New York restaurants Ms. Gul discovered on Instagram and hanging out in Brooklyn Bridge Park. The fact that they would one day marry was a forgone conclusion. And, according to Ms. Gul’s youngest sister, Faiza Masood, the happy outcome of an ideal courtship. “Rabiah and Marcus are similar in so many ways,” Ms. Masood said. “They’re both so passionate about what they do, and they’re both funny and independent.”

Mr. Harun’s marriage proposal was a reflection of their personalities.

“There was a little bit less pressure than some people might have because we were both interested in pursuing marriage,” he said, “but I wanted to make it special.”

With the help of Rumanoff’s Fine Jewelry, in Hamden, he designed a platinum ring showcasing a family diamond given to him by his mother.

Then, on June 30, he drove to Queens for what Ms. Gul thought would be a typical get-together. Her first clue it was anything but came when they walked to get icees. The vendor handed her an envelope; Mr. Harun had arranged a scavenger hunt that brought the couple to half a dozen of their favorite spots around Brooklyn and Queens. “I had gone around to all these places and shown them a picture of Rabiah and said, ‘When she orders, hand her this envelope.’” Each envelope had a clue leading to the next location. The hunt ended where their in-person courtship began, at Brooklyn Bridge Park. Mr. Harun had a professional photographer waiting, as well as his family and Ms. Gul’s family. With the bridge as a backdrop, he got down on one knee and asked Ms. Gul to marry him.

Her yes, despite its inevitability, was an over-the-moon one. “Just the fact that he executed it in such a thoughtful, attentive way,” she said. “I was overwhelmed.”

On Dec. 15, at the Chateau La Mer in Lindenhurst, N.Y., the couple welcomed 175 guests for a wedding meant to celebrate their American-Muslim identity. Ms. Gul, in a tea pink lehenga sparkling with platinum and gold rhinestones, walked down a carpeted aisle accompanied by her parents to a stage set with a gilded settee. Mr. Harun, in a black tuxedo with a red bow tie, awaited her. The couple sat side by side on the settee for a ceremony in Arabic and English performed by Imam Omer Bajwa, the director of Muslim life at Yale.

“When one marries, one is pleasing God,” the imam said, asking the assembled to pray that Ms. Gul and Mr. Harun would bring each other happiness and tranquillity. After an exchange of rings, he pronounced them married. They were married in the Muslim sense; because the couple found out belatedly that the imam was certified to marry people in Connecticut but not New York, their legal marriage took place Dec. 10 at the office of the New York City Clerk.

The religious ceremony, before their family and friends, was more meaningful for both. “The City Hall ceremony allowed us to be married in the eyes of the law,” Mr. Harun said. “Being religiously married by the well-respected imam was what we preferred.”

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On This Day

When Dec. 15, 2019

Where Chateau La Mer, Lindenhurst, N.Y.

Split the Difference Mr. Harun and Ms. Gul will move to New Rochelle, N.Y., after a honeymoon. “We wanted a place close to the city, where my family is, but also something close to the suburban life Marcus grew up with,” Ms. Gul said.

Cross-Cultural Meal A buffet dinner held in the same room as the ceremony featured dishes like chicken biryani and baked ziti. Instead of alcohol, which is forbidden at Muslim weddings, guests ordered ginger ales and Diet Cokes from bartenders in crisp black suits.

Bright Past, Bright Future Kenneth A Venit, one of Mr. Harun’s professors at Quinnipiac, praised Mr. Harun’s commitment to educating those around him about Islam. “When he was a journalism student, he came to my Global Community class and explained Islam through his eyes.”

Sahred From Source link Fashion and Style

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[dorisphamus]

The ECtHR has not created a European blasphemy law but it has produced a lamentable judgment

The decision of the Fifth Section of the European Court of Human Rights in the case of E.S. v. Austria has been welcomed by Islamists in Pakistan and condemned by secularists in Europe. It has also been misunderstood. Some of those who have condemned the refusal of the Court to denounce Austria’s domestic criminal law are those who on other occasions would denounce it for interfering in the sovereignty of an independent country.

In strict legal terms all that the Court has done is to rule that an Austrian law making it a crime – in some circumstances – to “disparage” religion, is not incompatible with the European Convention on Human Rights.

It has not established a Europe-wide blasphemy law. It has not ruled that criticising or insulting Muhammad is a crime. It has not ruled that it is criminal to be rude about the Muslim faith. It has not ruled that Islam is entitled to legal protection denied to other religions.

Nor is it necessarily the last word in the case. There is still some prospect that it will be heard by the Grand Chamber of the ECtHR which could reverse the decision.

But for all that, it is a dreadful judgment, not least because it has immediately and predictably been hailed by Muslim religious fanatics as support for their demand to hang the the 47 year old Pakistani Christian Asia Bibi for supposedly insulting Muhammad. Worse still, it does so at a time when the Pakistan Supreme Court has reserved judgment and is considering whether to uphold her conviction and death sentence.

Asia Bibi: awaiting final judgment on blasphemy appeal

By endorsing what is in all but name an Austrian blasphemy law, at a time when such laws have been repealed in most European countries – the Irish one is being swept away by a referendum currently being counted – the Court has given encouragement to religious intolerance, undermined moderates and handed a useful argument to Islamists. “You complain about our blasphemy laws,” say the bloodthirsty bigots in Pakistan, “but even your own top human rights court says blasphemy laws are necessary in a democratic society. Clearly we’re right and you’re wrong.”

So what are the facts of the case?

In 2008 and 2009 an Austrian woman, who for understandable reasons the Court felt should keep her anonymity as “ES,” had arranged a number of seminars at the “Freedom Party Education Institute.” They were entitled Grundlagen des Islams or “Basic information on Islam.”

The Freedom Party is generally regarded as a right-wing populist party. Its first leader was Anton Reinthaller, a member of Arthur Seyss-Inquart’s short-lived post-Anschluss Ostmark cabinet, who subsequently achieved the dubious distinction of being made an honorary Brigadeführer (Major-General) in the SS. Although the ideological stance of the Party has moved around over the years, a constant in recent times has been opposition to large scale immigration. Despite (I hope not because) of its unsavoury past, it has participated in government in Austria, and its leader Norbert Hofer came quite close to winning the 2016 Austrian Presidential election. It came third in the December 2017 Parliamentary elections, and entered government as the junior partner of Austria’s other populist right-wing and anti-immigration party, the ÖVP led by Sebastien Kurz.

That is by way of background.

ES’s seminars were organised by the Freedom Party and advertised on the Party’s website, but they were in fact open to all. As a result, one of the 30 attenders at two of them was an undercover journalist. He noted what was said. There seems to have been quite a lot that he took exception to, but those that could confidently be attributed to ES were these (as translated in the ECtHR judgment):

One of the biggest problems we are facing today is that Muhammad is seen as the ideal man, the perfect human, the perfect Muslim. That means that the highest commandment for a male Muslim is to imitate Muhammad, to live his life. This does not happen according to our social standards and laws. Because he was a warlord, he had many women, to put it like this, and liked to do it with children. And according to our standards he was not a perfect human. We have huge problems with that today, that Muslims get into conflict with democracy and our value system …

The most important of all Hadith collections recognised by all legal schools: The most important is the Sahih Al-Bukhari. If a Hadith was quoted after Bukhari, one can be sure that all Muslims will recognise it. And, unfortunately, in Al-Bukhari the thing with Aisha and child sex is written…

I remember my sister, I have said this several times already, when [S.W.] made her famous statement in Graz, my sister called me and asked: “For God’s sake. Did you tell [S.W.] that?” To which I answered: “No, it wasn’t me, but you can look it up, it’s not really a secret.” And her: “You can’t say it like that!” And me: “A 56-year-old and a six-year-old? What do you call that? Give me an example? What do we call it, if it is not paedophilia?” Her: “Well, one has to paraphrase it, say it in a more diplomatic way.” My sister is symptomatic. We have heard that so many times. “Those were different times” – it wasn’t okay back then, and it’s not okay today. Full stop. And it is still happening today. One can never approve something like that. They all create their own reality, because the truth is so cruel …

The journalist took his complaint to the police.

In due course ES was charged and convicted of Disparaging Religious Doctrines under S.188 of the Criminal Code. She was fined 480 Euros, with 60 days imprisonment in default, and ordered to pay the costs of the prosecution.

The translation of S.188 is this:

Disparagement of religious doctrines

“Whoever, in circumstances where his or her behaviour is likely to arouse justified indignation, publicly disparages or insults a person who, or an object which, is an object of veneration of a church or religious community established within the country, or a dogma, a lawful custom or a lawful institution of such a church or religious community, shall be liable to up to six months’ imprisonment or a day-fine for a period of up to 360 days.”

The Austrian trial court had acquitted ES of the more serious charge of incitement to hatred, which had a maximum sentence of 2 years’ imprisonment.

On the other hand they convicted her of disparaging or insulting “a person who … is an object of veneration of a religious community” because:

“… she had accused a subject of religious worship of having a primary sexual interest in children’s bodies, which she had deduced from his marriage with a child, disregarding the notion that the marriage had continued until the Prophet’s death, when Aisha had already turned eighteen and had therefore passed the age of puberty.”

Criticising Muhammad for marrying a child bride may be rather stupid; lots of things happened in sixth century Arabia that we would be squeamish about advocating today: alter tempus alter mores. Even so, next time I defend someone for having sex with children I must remember to make the point in mitigation that most of the time he has sex with adults.

If ES had been advocating violence or discrimination against Muslims her prosecution would have been entirely proper. But she was not. She was prosecuted for causing “justified indignation” to Muslims.

Their indignation was “justified,” the court decided, partly because ES had not pointed out that as well as marrying a child bride Mohammad had remained married to her after she became an adult. So the description of him as a paedophile was wrong.

Objects of religious worship could be criticised, but such criticism must not be done in a “provocative way capable of hurting the feelings of the followers of that religion.” To do so, the trial court held, “could be conceived as a malicious violation of the spirit of tolerance.”

The Austrian appeal courts had upheld the conviction. Although the law had interfered with ES’s Article 10 right to freedom of speech, that interference was acceptable because:

“… the permissible limits [of freedom of speech] were exceeded where criticism ended and insults or mockery of a religious belief or person of worship began.”

ES appealed to the ECtHR arguing that there was no justification for restricting her freedom of speech. There could be no dispute that it had been restricted. However, Article 10 (2) expressly permits restrictions on freedom of speech for certain purposes where they

“… are necessary in a democratic society … for the prevention of disorder or crime, …[or] for the protection of the … rights of others ….”

The Government of Austria argued (perhaps surprisingly, given that the Freedom Party is now part of that government) that there were two justifications for the law:

The prevention of disorder (protecting religious peace); and

Protecting the rights of others (namely their religious feelings).

The Court upheld the Government’s arguments.

The court considered that the right to freedom of religion under Article 9 included a right not to be seriously offended. Whilst the religious could not expect their beliefs to be exempt from all criticism (that’s generous):

“… the general requirement to ensure the peaceful enjoyment of the rights guaranteed under Article 9 to the holders of such beliefs including a duty to avoid as far as possible an expression that is, in regard to objects of veneration, gratuitously offensive to others and profane.”

“Where such expressions go beyond the limits of a critical denial of other people’s religious beliefs and are likely to incite religious intolerance, for example in the event of an improper or even abusive attack on an object of religious veneration, a State may legitimately consider them to be incompatible with respect for the freedom of thought, conscience and religion and take proportionate restrictive measures.”

The Court seems here to be trying, rather clumsily, to tread a delicate line between upholding the right of member states to criminalise “improper and abusive attacks” on objects of veneration and asserting that they have a duty to do so. So far it might just be possible to view the judgment as that of a cautious Court wishing to give Austria – with its particular and very dark history of religious bigotry – a large “margin of appreciation,” the discretion, as it were, to make and apply its own laws in its own way.

Unfortunately such a generous view of the decision does not really stand up, because later on the judges seem to come down firmly in favour of member States having a duty to have such laws. The Court, it noted

“had stated many times that in the context of religion member States had a duty to suppress certain forms of conduct or expression that were gratuitously offensive to others and profane.”

“There you are,” the Islamists will say, and they are saying it now, “the top court in Europe says you have a duty to suppress profanity.”

Well, it’s not quite as bad as that, is it? After all the Court said that only “certain forms of conduct or expression” must be suppressed. Nice, polite arguments are fine, as long as they are not gratuitously offensive.

But that’s the problem with policing free speech.

I make a polite but powerful contribution to debate.

You speak bluntly and perhaps a little bit offensively.

She is gratuitously offensive, has committed blasphemy and must be hanged, or at least fined and/or imprisoned.

The reference to Muhammad’s marriage to a child bride, it seems, was “an abusive attack on the Prophet of Islam.”

Why should that make it criminal?

“The Court notes that the domestic courts extensively explained why they considered that the applicant’s statements had been capable of arousing justified indignation, namely that they had not been made in an objective manner aiming at contributing to a debate of public interest, but could only be understood as having been aimed at demonstrating that Muhammad was not a worthy subject of worship (see paragraph 22 above). The Court endorses this assessment.”

The Court’s grasp of theology here is as pitiful as its exposition of the law. Muslims do not worship Muhammad – only Allah can be worshipped – although of course they venerate him.

More to the point, is it really “necessary in a democratic society” to impose a prohibition on attacking the character of a medieval warlord because to do so might suggest he is “not a worthy subject of worship?”

The Court thought that:

The issue before the Court therefore involves weighing up the conflicting interests of the exercise of two fundamental freedoms, namely the right of the applicant to impart to the public her views on religious doctrine on the one hand, and the right of others to respect for their freedom of thought, conscience and religion on the other.

This is legal legerdemain. The right to impart ones views about a religion is a right to freedom of expression, a right expressly protected by Article 10, as well as a right to “manifest” one’s religion, a right protected by Article 9. The “right of others to respect for their freedom of thought conscience and religion” is very much wider than the right actually set out by Article 9:

“Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief, in worship, teaching, practice and observance.”

It is one thing to give religious people the right to think, express and and practise their religion, to manifest it, to worship where and how they wish, and so on. But that is completely different from insisting that others must respect their religion, in the sense of not insulting it. That is not a right given by Article 9, and nor should it be. The court should not have conducted any “weighing up” of conflicting rights. Neither the Convention nor any other coherent principle demands that religious sensibilities should insulate religion from criticism, including mockery or insult.

Freedom to practise religion does not require blasphemy laws. In fact, such laws restrict freedom of religion far more than they protect it. Some religions, for example, advocate evangelism or proselytising, to convert those they consider heathen. For some it is a central part of the practice of their religion. Yet the objects of the proselytism often consider that the attempt to convert them is disrespectful or blasphemous, as indeed it may be by their standards. It is no co-incidence that adherents of religions or sects that actively seek to convert others such as Baha’is in Iran or Ahmadis in Pakistan have been particularly harshly treated, either under blasphemy or more general discriminatory laws.

And whilst the Court reached its lamentable conclusion by referring to earlier caselaw where the Court had upheld, for example, the refusal of British censors to grant a certificate to a video on the grounds that it was blasphemous to Christians, the court is not bound by precedent – the Convention is often said to be a “living instrument” – and could have taken the opportunity to bring the law into the twenty-first century. Britain, like most other countries in Europe, has long since abandoned its own blasphemy laws.

Before reaching its conclusion the Court – as it sometimes does – noted the views of various distinguished or influential international bodies. These included the European Commission (which opposed blasphemy laws), the European Parliament (which opposed blasphemy laws), the European Centre for Law and Justice (which was allowed to intervene in the case and argued against blasphemy laws) and the United Nations, which of course has such a fudged and incoherent position that it contributed nothing worthwhile at all.

It also “noted” the views of a speech given by the Secretary General of the Islamic Conference, the former Saudi Minister of Hajj, Iyad bin Amin Madani,

Madani: call for religious tolerance noted

which called on States to “foster a domestic environment of religious tolerance, peace and respect ….” Perhaps he had Saudi Arabia in mind.

The learned judges might have done better to listen to another Saudi, Raif Badawi who knows a lot about the “domestic environment of religious tolerance, peace and respect” in Saudi Arabia. He is currently serving a sentence of 10 years imprisonment with 1,000 lashes for apostasy, because he wrote a blog that was critical of some aspects of Saudi law and policy, for example its treatment of non-Muslims as apostates.

Raif Badawi: 10 years and 1,000 lashes

ES is no Raif Badawi or Asia Bibi.  Whatever the strictures of Austrian law, her kaffe und kuchen seminars on Islam were probably not conducted in an atmosphere of overpowering fear and intimidation.  Austria is not like Pakistan. Rather than 10 years in prison, 1,000 lashes or an early morning appointment with the hangman, she faced only a 480 Euro fine for saying the wrong thing. But the European Court of Human Rights likes to see itself as setting an international standard in human rights law. By supporting Austria’s blasphemy law it has given succour to the world’s oppressors and done nothing for the oppressed. That is a very bad look for an international human rights court.

The post The ECtHR has not created a European blasphemy law but it has produced a lamentable judgment appeared first on BarristerBlogger.

from All About Law http://barristerblogger.com/2018/10/27/the-ecthr-has-not-created-a-european-blasphemy-law-but-it-has-produced-a-lamentable-judgment/

[dulwichdiverter]

Magnificent Munir

By Mark McGinlay and Kate White

Photo Lima Charlie  

Munir Hassan was 17 when he moved from Pakistan to England in 1965. “Oh gosh, it was a lovely time to come,” he says when we meet at Tandoori Nights, his restaurant on Lordship Lane, where he is celebrating 25 years in business this year.

“I always had a dream of coming to England. Then a few months later it was the World Cup and we won. Everyone was up, enjoying themselves. I didn’t take it seriously at the time – I thought to myself, ‘It’s only football’,” he laughs. “Now I realise how important it is here.”

Upon his arrival in England, the young Munir spent a couple of months living in Bradford, but after visiting a relative in London, he quickly realised the capital was where he wanted to be.

“The majority of people in Bradford in our community were quite old,” he says of his decision to move down south. “I came to see one of my cousins in London and I realised, ‘Wow, this is very different.’”

Munir’s first job in 1960s London was at the Taj Mahal restaurant in Putney, which is still open today. He then gained a qualification in hotel and catering management in Bristol before joining the restaurant at the Cumberland Hotel in Marble Arch.

While there he met a “very nice chap who told me that he’d got an Indian restaurant in Chelsea”, he says. “I started working for him as a trainee maître d’ and he was quite pleased with me. He said to me, ‘You’ve got potential as a restaurateur.’”

The company ran two restaurants: Tandoori of Chelsea and Tandoori of Mayfair, which was located on the corner of Shepherd Market and Curzon Street. “It was an amazing time,” Munir says. “We had many famous people come in.”

In 1984 Munir opened his own restaurant called India of Mayfair on Hertford Street, near the legendary Tiddy Dols eating house. Rod Stewart, Dolly Parton and Lindsay Wagner all dined there, as did George Best. “George Best was really a very nice man,” Munir says.

“He used to drink quite a lot and sometimes if he wanted more drink after midnight, half past midnight when we were ready to go home, he’d say, ‘Come on guys, join us!’ And he would buy everybody a drink. Because he was nice, nobody minded staying an extra hour for him.”  

By this point Munir was also running a successful restaurant in Tooting, but as he approached his 40th birthday, he decided it was time to take on a new challenge. “There was a very good friend of mine who I’d known since we were 19, 20 years old,” he says.

“We went on holiday to Spain together and he had an idea. He said, ‘We should open a restaurant, you know. We should open an Indian restaurant here, because at the moment there is nothing.’”

“On the flight back home, I said to my wife, ‘I’m coming back again next week.’ She said, ‘What for?’ I said, ‘John and I are buying a restaurant.’ She said, ‘Don’t be silly, you’ve got a restaurant in London, what’s going to happen to that?’ I said, ‘Oh, you know, let’s go and try it.’”

John and Munir opened their new restaurant in the coastal resort of Puerto Rico on Gran Canaria. “We were the first Indian restaurant on the whole of Gran Canaria,” says Munir, “and we were called Tandoori Nights.”

The venture was a success and it was an “amazing place to live”, but in the late 1980s Munir decided to return to London so his sons could go to school in England. He continued running his restaurants in Tooting and Mayfair before a twist of fate brought him to East Dulwich.

“I came to East Dulwich by coincidence,” he says. “My chef got very drunk and no minicabs or anybody would take him. I’d never been to this side of London, but I had no option but to drive him here and drop him off.

“He was giving me directions – he said, ‘Go to the roundabout, get onto Lordship Lane, take the turning on the right and that will take you straight down to Brixton.’ I missed the turning, drove past here and saw an Asian guy I knew.”

After arranging to meet his friend, Munir discovered he was having a “tough time” running his restaurant on Lordship Lane and he struck a deal to buy the place. He closed the premises for a two-month refurbishment and opened it as Tandoori Nights at the end of 1993.

“I came here not having very high expectations – people were telling me it’s not such a brilliant area,” he says. “But I could see that it was a nice little place, there were lovely properties around and the people I spoke to were nice.

“To be fair the first few months were slow, but once people found out what we did, how good the food was, the people of Dulwich were very good to us. We kept our side of the bargain by making good food, and the majority kept coming.”

Since then, Munir has transformed Tandoori Nights into one of East Dulwich’s best-loved restaurants. “It’s wonderful that people appreciate what we do,” he says. “Sometimes I feel [25 years in business] is not because of me, it’s because of the people who have kept us going. I want to say thank you to them.”

To reach the quarter of a century milestone in such a notoriously difficult industry is undoubtedly a big achievement. “Especially for someone as old as me,” jokes Munir, who turns 70 in August this year.

“A lot of my regular customers, when they walk in I feel like they’re coming into my house and I enjoy it. I’ve got a really good team and the nice thing is, when you enjoy it and you’ve got a smile on your face, age doesn’t really matter, does it?”

In addition to using top quality ingredients – “we buy special quality meat and it’s all British” – what makes Tandoori Nights’ food so excellent is its remarkable consistency. Its head chef is Munir’s nephew, who has been at the restaurant since day one.

“He’s the son of my oldest brother, who was very well-known,” Munir says. “He was an English teacher in a school [in Pakistan] and was very well-respected and well-liked. A lot of top brasses like colonels and generals’ kids used to come for tuition from him.

“My brother passed away in 1981 and I went back home for his funeral. My sister-in-law said, ‘Please take him with you, he’s given up his studies, he’s not doing anything. You will probably make his future.’

“I brought him here in 1981 and luckily he was interested in food and quite keen on it. He worked with some good chefs of mine, he got trained and he’s been here since this restaurant opened.”

Munir met his wife while studying for his catering qualification in Bristol and after getting married, the couple bought a “lovely little house” in Kingston in 1975. “It was not a time when one should have mixed marriages, but we pulled through it,” he says.

“When you were not settled, not part of the mainstream, it was difficult to rent apartments, so the first thing we did was buy a house. We didn’t want to be put in a situation where we were reliant on other people.”

After three or four years in Kingston, the couple decided to expand their family and moved to a bigger house  in Wimbledon in 1980, where they have lived ever since. He says his wife has been instrumental in his success.

“I can’t really emphasise enough how important my wife has been to my family; how important she’s been to my success, because sometimes you need a very strong person behind you.”

Choosing to open a restaurant on Lordship Lane was the best business decision he has made, he says. “This restaurant is the best one I’ve ever had – better than Chelsea, Mayfair.

“Because of the independent businesses, a lot of people travel to Lordship Lane. People come from Beckenham, Forest Hill, even Clapham, because they’ve got a choice of good restaurants, good places to eat, good places to drink. It’s a real destination.”

Nevertheless, rising rents in the area are a threat, he says. “If you look at somewhere like Peckham even 15, 20 years ago, you could rent a shop for maybe less than £10,000. Now it’s £60,000, £70,000, £80,000.

“Lordship Lane became a chic place because of the individual businesses here. If those places start going out of business because they can’t afford to stay, unfortunately the street will suffer.”

Despite 25 years on Lordship Lane and more than half a century in the restaurant industry, Munir’s energy, enthusiasm and passion for the job remain undimmed and he is clearly not a man to rest on his laurels.

Fans of Tandoori Nights will be excited to know that he has recently added a new dimension to the business by joining up with Deliveroo, so those looking for their curry fix can have dinner delivered straight from Tandoori Nights to their door.  

The genuinely warm and friendly welcome that Munir gives to everyone dining in his restaurant is surely another reason that Tandoori Nights has survived and thrived for as long as it has.

“I always say to my boys in our meetings, ‘You’re only as good as your last meal,’” he says. “Sometimes it annoys them – they say, ‘You say that every time.’ And I say ‘Yes, I keep reminding you.’ You put a little doubt in people’s mind, that’s when things go wrong.

“I’ve got enough experience behind me where if somebody is not happy with something, I can straightaway see it and put it right,” he adds. “It’s always nice to see people leaving with a smile.”

[myletterstoyoumrzubair]

Edition 7 070317

Dear Mr Z edition 7 070317

Dear Hassan

As you know I went to the pub to celebrate my Uncle Alan’s birthday today. We all had a great time, my sister, her fiancé, my nephew my nana and grandad were there too. I have some good news for you. It appears I am gaining confidence about openly talking about our relationship with others. I have even told my mum yesterday that I want and need her to get used to this because you don’t plan on going anywhere. My sister even knows now that you want to find a way so that we can be together, and live together. Even if you have to move to Leicester briefly you seem to want to find a way for us to live together after. My sister thinks I am a very lucky lady. I am actually proud to be able to say that you are my boyfriend and that we are going to be together. Every time I end up talking about you or us, my face just lights up and the biggest of smiles appears out of nowhere. Yes, I am worried and scared for us that we still may end up thousands of miles apart and I honestly don’t think that fear will go away until we know for sure you don’t have to go anywhere, but I know that we are going to do all we can and try our best to make sure that what we want and desire the most comes true. I am so grateful that you are in my life, and such a special part of it. By the way, when we were leaving the pub, my nana asked so ‘so when are we going to meet this boyfriend of yours’. Yep, my nan wants to meet you, and so does my nephew. When I asked my nephew if he wants to meet you, he said ‘yes’ and nodded. My nephew like to meet people. As for my nan, when my nan asks to meet the man in my life, to me means she wants to get to know you. I don’t think I should even hide that we are together anymore. It is something that I have been doing with my family because I was worried about what they would think, but now I have started to open up and saying that you are my boyfriend, people seem to want to know about it all, and want to meet you. It’s like people want to accept that I have a man in my life, and that I am actually happy. No-one yet has said anything bad except mum. But mum is the person who i am worried the most about this, but even that we know we made a breakthrough when I managed to get her to agree to meet you, despite her doubts and worries. Her main worry is that ‘he doesn’t have leave to remain’. She keeps mentioning whenever you come up in conversation and each time i make it clear that she shouldn’t judge you based on that and that you are actually a lovely man.

Today I started massively opening up to my sister about this. I actually wanted to try and get some advice from her, not for any reason other than I wanted to know that she will be behind me. As far as my sister is concerned I should do whatever makes me happy, and that I shouldn’t worry about what others think. I even asked her what if mum doesn’t accept this. She basically told me well that is her problem then, and that I shouldn’t let it all stop me doing what I want. I asked her if you asked to marry me (she doesn’t know that I already said yes to you) and if I said yes would she come. She said if she could afford to. I basically said to her don’t worry, if it happened I would try get her and my nephew an outfit, maybe a mini suit red bow tie and red converse style shoes. She said am I gonna try dress him like Dr Who then lol. She was then saying she should have a say in what she wears. At that moment I thought she must be joking and told her that its likely to be either an Asian saree or lengha or a 1950s Lindy Bop dress. She said she doesn’t like dresses and would rather wear hareems, I told her no way, lol. Her idea of hareems made me think of Aladdin, or Ali Barbar and the forty thieves. LOL! I aint having Ali Barbar at my wedding xD. I asked my sister would she mind having a Pakistani brother in law. She basically said ‘why would it matter’. I told my sister there are only 2 ways that you can stay here, either go home and  get a 6 month working visa, or 2 get married, and then get a family persons visa. I also said this makes it complicated because there is no garuntee that we won’t at some point have to part due to legalities. She knows that I have told you before I would never marry just so you can stay here, even if that means for a while we end apart, even though that is what I fear the most right now. I also sometimes worry that people may think I want to marry you just so you can stay, even though I know the truth, which is I want to be with you.  She also knows it is not unusual for marriage proposals to happen, not in the western way waiting years and years before marriage is even considered, but more how it was here in the UK back in the 1950s and prior, sometimes only weeks or a few months. I don’t think my nana heard most of this conversation because she was sitting on another table. There were too many of us to be able to all sit together in the pub, so she was sitting nearby. As it stands no-one except us know we are getting married, but i am slowly trying to get people used to the fact you are a part of my life and you are not wanting to go anywhere, you only want to be wherever I am. My sister even suggested does that mean i would end up training as a midwife in Pakistan. I told her that Pakistan can get to like 50 degrees in the heat of summer and that there is no way i’d cope in that.

My sister fiancé said that the government would likely check that the relationship is real because people in the past have married to ensure that people can stay. He also said that the legal ceremony of marriage is really the only thing that matters, and that if you asked me to marry you ‘cos you want to be with me that we could even have a ceremony at a party, not a legal one, but one to allow people to be a part of it. This comment only came up because we were talking about average waiting times before getting marriage proposals, and how it can be different to here.

Later, when it was just my sister and I, in primark, (my sister should of never took me in primary cos i was supposed to be at uni working on my assignment, and for that short time instead i was basically trying only loads of high heels lol!) my sister admitted that mum can really wind my sister up the wall due to mums preconceived ideas about things, and I totally known what she means, in some ways I agree with her. I also tried my best to explain to her the idea and concept of obedience and roles of men and women in Pakistan style relationships. I said to her that men see it as their responsibility to look after and provide for their wives, and technically women don’t have to do anything other than show respect and be grateful for what their husbands do for them, and honour their relationship. I told her it’s completely awesome, cos you just want to love me and look after me, like it used to be here in the early 20th century and before, but as well as the idea that  women still can contribute if they want to. i also explained that women are treated like princesses and queens that that all women are looked up and respected, and that it is not unusual for men to call unmarraigable women by the term ‘sister’ or ‘aunty’. My sister told me that she would rather be called sister than aunty, but she should explain to you what she would want to be called when she finally meets you. My sister is curious to whether you would want to hang out with my nephew, maybe go round to hers and meet her and my nephew. after all, although she doesn’t know it, you will end up being my nephew’s uncle. My sister knows you have many nephew’s and nieces, and that you want children too. It seems for sure that my sister will accept you as being a part of my life. I just hope that the rest of my family do the same. 

I honestly never have spoken about us so openly and honestly to anyone. So, in short I am gaining in confidence about us, and I don’t care what people think. If people decide to have issues with this relationship, it is their problem because they are going to have to get used to us. I love you so much and I don’t want anything to stop this, I don’t want anything to stop us being together. I am really proud of us and I am really glad that you and I want the same things and that we are both fighters. I know we have a really large mountain to climb before we can finally be together properly, but we have started our ascent, even if it is a step at a time it is certainly progress. I know that I personally will have to find a lot of patience. I know that I am usually a patient woman, but when it comes to this for some reason, right now I have very little and I am rather stressed about it all, but I know if it does go the way we want, it will certainly be worth it in the end. My life, our lives will be set in stone. Our future and our story, together. 

I love you

Shelly x