#mari ily i will defend u forever girl

[lingeringscars]

okay i have been thinking about this pretty nonstop, and I think I was right about mari's disillusionment with the wilderness. I really should rewatch; there were so many good things about mari and i'm sooo excited for her this season, but since i do not have the time or ability, we're gonna get my word vomit about what I remember from watching at 3am with a headache.

gen took over hunting. while it is fine that we see a new character doing this, it does make me think because after nat and travis, it was mari. i always said mari would step up. a core part of mari has always been wanting to be trusted and handed stuff to do, wanting to prove herself, wanting to be right there in it to help and feeling :') when she is trusted.

so mari did not step up to do this. in ep 1 we see her lounging around. she isn't making the soup. she isn't helping out. she's kinda just sitting there picking at things. she's not giving her all towards being helpful and useful, like she has always done.

where she once hung on every word lottie said, she's disconnected completely. she isn't a focus during van's speech. she isn't heart eyeing everyone. she's kinda digging in and needling. she runs away, instead of trying to prove her worth. she gets trapped in the pit, and she shies away from doing what she needs to to survive until she is really pushed into it by ben.

she begs and cries and screams instead of taking it into her own hands. and i don't think she's totally trying to manipulate him, either. i think it's the first time she's actually able to say some of this without the girls tearing her apart for it. she's justified it to herself: we didn't kill javi. they let him die. they didn't kill him. but it is also interesting in this context of her fooling shauna in the opening scene and being able to tap into that, making it look like she is something when she isn't. mari has never been the best at reading situations, but i think she is learning to adapt.

in a lot of ways, she's kinda checked out. where she was all in because it gave her comfort and security, she realized that nothing was safe and this isn't going anywhere. she's disappeared from the wilderness chose / the wilderness guides etc.

at the end of the day, what mari wants is to be heard. she ran because no one was hearing her side, no one was listening, and she can't handle being in a place where she feels like she's begging to be heard and seen. and now, she isn't forcing herself into a place where she will be. she sees the wilderness for what it is, instead of the idealized version van is spouting or lottie made her believe.