#marc spector meta

[traveller-of-the-knight]

Do you know what I love about moon knight? (Many things, yes but-)

The way that when Marc was questioning all of his sanity, questioning if he'd ever worked or ever met an egyptian god, questioning if everything that happened in the last decade was real, questioning everything he saw- He never questioned Steven. No Steven is there and he is real. They've been together since they are children, he survived because he knew he wasn't alone, he knew Steven is real, even if others probably have told him otherwise.

I think about that a lot.

And I want someone to love me as Marc loves Steven, a love so strong and real that against all odds, even if Steven being real sounds impossible Marc doesn't lose faith. Because a love that strong must be real

[wortsandall]

Marc Spector- the lies we tell ourselves au

its finally his turn-let's get into it prev/next

might be late for a disclaimer but in my tlwto au posts, it's half a deep dive into the canon character and half how that will impact how they appear in my fic. I'm bringing this up specifically for marc, because I see him as a mess trying to hide that he's a mess. and that portrayal will be ramped up to 11. not because I don't think marc is traumatized enough, but because he is. and I want to see how far I can push it before that façade breaks and he has to actually confront his traumas and maladaptive behavior, rather than just continuing on like it's not happening. everyone can see that marc is affected, except for himself as he keeps going on about being fine, or his feelings not mattering because there are more important things going on. there will be no more hiding or deflections. he's going to lose that control-hence the title of the first part of the au-no control

anyway to actually start this-I realize I use this metaphor a lot but marc is an open gaping wound bleeding all over the place and onto everyone. who thinks he's not because he put a band aid on, even though that band aid is soaked through and barely covers the wound. that bandage being pretending there's nothing wrong, especially since steven hadn't fronted in awhile. allowing him to marry layla and think maybe he's over the hard part.

in my fic, marc will be more closed off, more mean, prone to being defensive and deflective. physical problems are no issue to him, it's the emotional ones that send him to the hills. I never like to think of the end of a season being the end of all problems. that any issues brought up will be fixed and they don't have to worry about it anymore. meaning that while this au takes place after the first season, marc and steven's relationship will be closer to what it's like at the beginning of season one. one good conversation isn't going to immediately fix how marc has been thinking and treating steven for the years before season one. it's a start, but nowhere close to the end. they get along better, but it's not great.

now that steven is aware of their disorder, marc will use him as another method of hiding. steven likes to talk out problems and marc does not. if steven tries, marc will tend to just abandon the conversation midway by ducking from the front. he's not interested in healthy communication and tends to default to just ignoring the issue to steven's frustration. they can have conversations that are important but if it comes any closer to things that marc has difficulty talking about, like their mother, then it's over.

this plays into the guilt he carries because he's fucking up over and over. but then he can never actually learn from the mistakes as he won't let himself. tackling his own feelings about something that happened is part of making up for it. and because he's avoidant, he can never get to that part because he doesn't want to confront the hard stuff. which ties directly into his issues with self degradation and self-hatred. everything about that can be tied straight into his childhood and how he was treated. both by his mother, and in this au, bullies and other adults who failed him. his mom instilled in him this belief that he's evil. that he's the reason bad things happen.

and with the others, being treated like there's something inherently wrong with him, something that cannot be fixed. being ostracized and looked down on. and he grow up with that and believes it to be true. in adulthood, he ends up proving his mother right (in his eyes) as he feels blame and guilt for what happened at the dig site and every death afterwards. literal proof that he hurts people and maybe that's all he's ever been good for. his dad doesn't help combat this belief, but adds to it. as he never did anything concrete to help marc, marc starts to believe that maybe he deserves it as not even his own father would help him.

out of all them he has the most attachment to being jewish, because of his dad. an attachment that comes to him in moments of distress almost as if he's still trying to get his dad to care about him just a little more. the complicated feelings of being raised jewish and genuinely believing in everything that comes with, while also trying to prove to his father that he deserves to be cared about. (doesn't make him any less jewish just having a neglectful father who is also a Rabbi might result in a little religious trauma, especially once you add khonshu to the mix)

side note: i dont think steven has an attachment either way. like he knows he was raised jewish, but is more focused on the Egyptology stuff and jake probably cares a little bit also but is more focused on the culture that comes from being latino hence speaking spanish

I've mentioned the idea of loneliness in both steven and jake posts and for marc I think he'd be used to it. in the way that he doesn't necessarily notice that he is. due to his issues in childhood he didn't have many friends. and not any that were long-lasting. self-isolation is what he's used to. the lack of validation and dealing with emotions from his parents has led to him having to self-soothe. being by himself and dealing with himself is his bread and butter.

when he meets layla, she gets the brunt of that. he wants her to love him, wants to be around her but doesn't know how. and because of that pesky self-hatred, he cannot let himself be happy. constant self-destructive behavior getting in the way. there's a fear of happiness at play as well, because he knows how quickly it can leave. that fear has been validated over and over, as the people he loves either hurts him or leaves. while also having to battle his savior complex that I think stems from failing to save randall. he couldn't save his brother, but now that he has to the ability to save others he'd be damned if he lets anyone else get hurt. even at a cost to himself.

that cost to himself is doing something that he hates over and over again, simply because he thinks it's better for everyone else. he wants to help people and wants to save them. he can do that with khonshu. he can hate himself more and more, every time he has to take a life, but if it helps then it's necessary. plus, marc should be used to killing people, he's done it since childhood. that fact being drilled into him for years, that he killed his brother. he already thinks of himself as a murderer, he's reaffirming what he already thinks.

and having khonshu and the suit adds to the guilt. because he does enjoy the safety that comes with having it. that he cannot be hurt anymore if he has it. and he can finally, actually protect himself which he was unable to do as a kid (not realizing that jake has been doing that for a long ass time)

and speaking of jake, I can imagine marc being really angry at jake for being a gatekeeper. he understands where he's coming from because he did the same to steven. he's more angry at the fact that jake has more control over what memories go where and who can front. marc has thought of himself as being the "main" so he thinks he has the more control when it comes to the disorder. which is partly true because he's known about it longer, but being the host doesn't make him more in charge than anyone else. he's mad at again having to confront that maybe he doesn't have as much control as he's always thought. don't want to get too into it as that's what no control is about.

and that aspect of being a control freak comes again from the self hatred and not thinking he deserves happiness. at least this way he can kinda control it instead of being blindsided when bad stuff happens. for example he's hesitant to name the second fish that steven got because then he might get attached and if hes attached then bad things will happen. he thinks he ruins everything he touches. which leads to the belief that his alters are better than him. nobody wants marc spector when they could have the well adjusted steven or the charming jake. at the end of the season, they no longer have khonshu. and marc sees the suit as his only defining feature. so without that, what's the point of him? we see this with him making the deal with steven to give up the front and disappear. in my au, marc tries to do this, fronting less and less and just letting steven take charge.

to talk more about au specifics, in the second part where the littles are introduced, it makes marc spiral like crazy. the anger at jake rears it's ugly head again for not knowing what the hell happened. for not knowing what's actually going on in his head. that their are aspects of himself that he doesn't know and would never know about.

because part of marc still thinks of himself as the original and doesn't yet recognize there is no original. its not marc creating these personalities or sections of himself, but a result of never fully having formed a personality/identity in the first place. marc has to come to terms with being the host but he doesn't get the most authority. everyone is equal for the most part, even if some have less autonomy i.e. the littles

for rose, I can imagine marc being kind of disturbed by her when he meets her. as rose is the youngest of them all and barely speaks. he's looking right at the fact that he doesn't know as much as he thought (and why is she a girl?) and he cant do anything for her, he cant fix it. a confrontation with his savior complex.

for leo there is an instant mutual dislike between them. but he doesn't understand where the animosity comes from. marc trying to talk to leo is like talking to a distressed feral cat. he's getting clawed even if they aren't in the same room and marc hasn't done anything. and marc lackd' the gentleness and patience that is needed to get to know those feral cats. but they learn to get along eventually and marc starts to realize it's more abt leo's own complexes than it is about marc, even though he is "at fault" for some of it.

when it comes to the parents, marc hates his mom but he also loves her as he remembers what it was like before and knowing that it didn't have to be that way, mourning both the loss of his mother and the permanent loss of his hope that things could have gone back to where they were before. even if he knows logically that was never going to happen.

meanwhile when it comes to his dad its anger. anger at the fact that his dad never did anything to stop their mom. it's hard to be anything but angry with someone who actively put you in danger and didn't try to stop it. he's thankful for the therapy (not really but it was an attempt) but that never erased the monster in the walls that he tried to excuse at every opportunity. marc thinks he's an enabler and being sad and looking sad doesn't cut it. his dad he could've tried something, anything at all to actually protect marc but didn't. and part of that enabling and neglect led to other traumas that marc doesn't know about (yet)

in conclusion, marc has a lot of complex traumas leading to extreme maladaptive behavior that he tries to ignore. but ignoring it can actively make it worse until it all explodes in his face. he cares so much. and he wants to help people but often gets in his own way. is actively the most sensitive of them all, but he cannot come to terms with that and tries to bury it. not knowing how to express vulnerability and weakness or how to open up due to how he was raised. he doesn't like hurting people, but believes it's what he's good at. wants to make up for everything that he's done but doesn't know where to start. or even if he deserves the redemption (he doesn't need redemption as he's not a villain but he doesn't understand that yet)

the lies we tell ourselves au masterpost

[jackalopc]

the fact marc is so :/ about steven summoning the mr. knight suit vs the ceremonial armor is actually so much funnier when you remember he was a marine. like if you know anything about u.s. marines, you'd know that is absolutely the kind of thing they'd get just so annoyed about like wdym you changed it what part of 'ceremonial' and 'tradition' is not being understood here steven!?

[guardianspirits13]

So. Moon Knight has been on my mind recently, in the midst of my woeful Dead Boy Detectives hyperfixation. And of COURSE it got me thinking as things always do, and it crossed my mind how similar Charles’ and Marc’s home lives were as kids. Like one parent who actively hated them and that they could never do any good by (who beat them regularly), and the other parent simply passive, sympathetic but demure.

Hear me out- Charles and Edwin as a DID system. Two souls one body, the same as it is in Moon Knight. As ghosts they are two separate apparitions (for the most part) but they firmly believe that they lived separate lives, and it takes a psychic and a long-winded investigation to realize that perhaps the reason they are so inseparable is because they lived the same life.

Charles is the protector, at least physically, but Edwin takes on the emotional trauma and serves to compartmentalize and do homework and keep up appearances when Charles does not have the capacity to do so. But, as the bearer of emotional trauma, Edwin is also attune to their attraction to the same sex, which Charles must not know about for his own physical safety.

Charles thinks back on his life and remembers mostly his parents and his childhood. He knows he played cricket in highschool and had a couple flings with girls, but he’ll tell you it’s a miracle he didn’t flunk out given how little he remembers doing schoolwork.

Edwin vividly recalls his school life and although he was tormented by his peers, his teachers are fond of him and he’s incredibly intelligent and hard-working, even if a couple of assignments fall through the cracks. However, he couldn’t tell you what his parents looked like. He has a vague recollection of a distant, vaguely considerate relationship with them, but nothing too vivid.

Also, whenever Charles is fronting, Edwin feels trapped in a liminal space that he can’t ever seem to break free from. He has terrible nightmares of pain and torture but no idea what causes it, as he remains unaware of Charles’ physical trauma.

Just… augh. The more I write the more I realize how unexpectedly well this concept works for them. I already have three fanfics and an animatic on my plate but PLEASE if anyone wants to this concept is entirely up for grabs.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

It's not Jake.

I'm going to tackle this bit now. It will forever bother me. I think it will forever be a point of argument in the fandom until the word of god (Diab) comes down and explains it all. Even then, there will always be room for argument.

So let's argue.

Marc with Dr. Harrow. I missed it the first time I watched it. (It was on a small screen with poor sound. I should have turned on the subtitles.)

He doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know where he is but he feels terrible and he's in a situation he's been in before.

Marc knows how to play the game. He might be bad at social situations, but Marc is stubborn and despite his self destructive tendencies, he's a survivor.

From knowing how to please his mother to keep her happy to knowing how to keep the school happy to keeping his father happy.

He also knows how to keep the doctors happy.

You can see the wheels turning as he figures out what Dr. Harrow is looking for and what the right thing to say is. You see him looking around and taking everything in the room in.

Something he learned in the military and then as a mercenary. What is around him? Know the land. Know the space. Know the tools. Know the exits. Know the enemy.

It's so subtle how his eyes move and stare. Every movement of his body is absolutely still and stiff except his eyes. Don't move. Don't draw attention. Don't give yourself away.

He talks about the talking hippo. Corrects him stubbornly. Like a child correcting a parent that gets their drawing or story wrong.

He talks briefly about Steven. He really doesn't want to discuss Steven with Dr. Harrow. Even now, he's trying to protect Steven.

Honestly, Marc is probably unsettled by how Quiet Steven is being. He can't hear him. He can't feel him. He was reaching for him before in his reflection.

Has this happened before? Are the drugs messing him up? Is this even real? You can see it in his eyes as he is trying to work out what has happened. What if it's real? What if Dr. Harrow is right and all of it was in his head?

But he knows things are off. You see him look at the cane and the sandles. He KNOWS something is wrong, but he can't place it.

And then Dr. Harrow asks about the boy.

Now Marc knows this is wrong. He would never have talked about Randall. This is the last thing he'd ever willingly bring up.

You see him instantly shut down and he's made his decision.

I've seen a LOT of arguments that this is Jake. But I don't think so. We, the audience, have not been properly introduced to Jake and his face has been purposfully hidden from us each time he does flicker in. This is not Jake. Jake is still hidden. And Jake would NOT have tolerated Dr. Harrow.

Even if Dr. Harrow was a new alter (persecutor?) created after being killed, Jake would have put him in his place. As protector and possible Gate Keeper, NONE of what's going on would have been tolerated at all. Jake is organized and patient. Jake takes charge when needed and gets the job done.

This is Marc. This is the Marc Spector that you don't see.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Marc cannot mask in the Duat. Every piece of Marc you see is pure and uncensored.

You see Marc play the game but the second Roro comes up, Marc is done.

This is the Marc that is dangerous (Mercinary, special forces, Marines, skilled beyond reason in combat) and also the Marc that is desperate. He's cornered and he will chew his own leg off to get out.

He doesn't know what's out there, but he knows that Steven is being kept away and he needs him.

So why does Marc grab the sharp pointy pyramid? Why does it look like he's trying to first stab them then stab himself?

Well, up to this point, Marc has figured out that he's been shot. He's found Steven outside of his body in a very unlikely situation, and nothing feels real.

He's also jumping scenes. From being with Dr. Harrow to being with Steven.

A part of him is scared it's real. A part of him is scared it isn't.

If it isn't real, how can he get out of it? Perhaps if he takes more damage he'll go somewhere else. Perhaps he'll go back to Steven. Perhaps he thinks it's a dream and he'll wake up next to Layla.

Look at his face. Beaten up. Broken nose. Heavy bags under his eyes. One pupil even looks larger than the other. Severe bodily trauma. (From getting shot? From getting into fights? From some form of brain damage?)

Now, speaking of Jake... I wonder how much of Teenage Marc was really Teenage Jake trying to keep them safe. I can't imagine their teen years being good at all. There's a good chance that their teenage years were utter misery and things probably escalated to terrible depths.

(Anyone else notice that three times we see Baby Marc, it's his birthday? I'm willing to bet every birthday his mother came for him viciously.)

I'm willing to bet that any previous clash he had with a mental hospital deeply involved Jake. One of them started fights and one of them played the game. Marc would get into fights, but Marc also knows how to play the game thanks to his mother. Jake would have wanted them out of there. He may have fought or he may have tried to take control to keep them safe.

So in this situation, Marc has been separated away from Steven, his emotional support and protection. He has been separated away from his physical protection and stabilizer.

And Jake DOES stabilize Marc. When Marc flies off the handle in a rage. When he has flashbacks. When he gets drunk and trashes a hotel room... Who steps in to settle things down? (JAKE'S FUCKING GLOVES WERE IN THAT HOTEL ROOM ON THE NIGHT STAND AS IF THEY HAD BEEN WORN AND TOSSED ASIDE. JAKE WAS THERE.)

So without all of Marc's safe guards, Marc is sitting there in a terrifying situation and his biggest trauma is brought up by a man that he knows he can't trust.

Look at how the episode starts. The cave. The running water. The screaming boy for help. His mother blaming him. It's all right there. Right on the edge of his mind like a bad flashback.

The last thing he wants is to be back in that cave again. Is to see his brother drowning again.

He's going to fight. If he wasn't so disabled by the drugs and injuries he would have burned the whole building to the ground if he could have.

I do have to wonder, though... Marc keeps going back to Dr. Harrow when things get too stressful there. Like a sort of time out. A time for him to try to process and make sense of things. He breaks down when Steven demands to go back to the room. Total melt down. The time out forces him to deal with it. To see it.

Even Steven goes there when he becomes overwhelmed and needs a time out to see what's really going on.

Dr. Harrow was very interested in speaking to Steven. He even mentions that it had been a long time since he had seen Steven. That Steven was the one that brought them there.

It's doubtful that Jake ever made it there. Dr. Harrow (and the real Harrow) had no idea about Jake. And Marc doesn't know about Jake, as this is Marc's processing time.

But what if Jake had made it there? What if Jake had it all figured out? What if Jake had gotten locked up on purpose?

Steven and Jake, literally compartmentalized by Marc.

Perhaps a Meta for another day.

[rapunziedameron]

I finally nailed why Marc calling Steven and Jake in What If...Venom "necessary evils" irked me so badly and it's not just because of the ableism (though I'm very annoyed but not surprised by that) — it's because it's a fundamental misunderstanding of who Marc is as a person.

Marc loves those two, even if those feelings get complicated especially with Steven in the comics. Marc does not view them as necessary evils — he views himself as one. In the show, Steven deserves nice things. A normal life, a loving mother, his dream job (or as close to it as he can get). Marc deserves solitude and punishment and a near empty, cold storage unit. In the comics, or at least the Mackay run, there's a strong theme of Marc viewing himself only as necessary. A blunt tool, to do the dirty work and nothing more. He's envious and insecure when it comes to Steven and Jake, because they're likeable. They're good. If Steven and Jake are in the picture, who wants Marc Spector? But at least he's needed; the necessary evil, the weapon to be used, the fist of khonshu and the protector of the travelers of the night.

The only time Marc is cocky, is in a fight. He likes for them to see him coming, he likes to straighten out bad guys by making them afraid of what will happen if they hurt people the way Marc was hurt. He quips in fights because he knows he's good at it; this is what he's meant to do in his eyes. But it's cockiness about being a weapon. Not cockiness about himself as a person, or his looks.

It's more than just that Mike Chen wrote Marc as fanon Poe Dameron, it's that he took away the most fundamental core trait of Marc's personality, which is his self loathing.

[moon-knights-balls]

Layla is the sun that brightens the darkness in Marc's world.

Marc is the moon that lights up the way in Layla's world.

[marcspectrr]

So much of Layla is in Marc. Because he did not ask to be loved on his own. He didn't know how.

Any semblance of connection always had a price of admission. He has a bedrock of traumatized attachment to unlearn.

Years of watching her analyze the tree rings of the world to understand where it went wrong while still smiling has taught him things he doesn't even realize. Makes me crazy actually.

[age-of-moonknight]

“The Once and Future Knight,” Phases of the Moon Knight (Vol. 1/2024), #1.

Writer: Erica Schultz; Penciler: Manuel García; Inker: Sean Parsons; Colorist: Ceci de la Cruz; Letterer: Cory Petit

[traveller-of-the-knight]

Comics Vs Series: Steven stepping in edition

Moon Knight Vol. 9 Issue 12

[wortsandall]

Thinking about the moon knight system once again and how both Steven and Jake are protectors, but they go about it in wildly different ways.

Jake is a physical protector. He comes out when they're in physical danger, and that includes danger from themselves. with my fic, I have taken Marc's aggression in episode 5, where he's hitting himself, and used it as a basis. Marc tends to carry on like he's fine until he can't or it's out of his control and I imagine that means that Jake has had to take control in moments like that. If his goal is to keep them safe and alive, then he'd have to intervene if Marc's struggling. We've seen Marc in two moments like that. When he met Khonshu in his temple and then episode 5. I've already written something like that, where Marc does something stupid in order to force Jake out. There will be a similar moment like that in the next chapter of my fic.

My point being that Jake has probably had to front in moments other than in fights in order to keep Marc, and their body safe.

And I know that some people think that would be Steven's job, because he's an emotional protector. Steven has been shown in the show to be helpful but only to a certain extent. Like in Episode 5, he ends up pushing Marc past that point (on accident) but once it's over and done with, he's able to have a more productive and helpful conversation. Once Marc is in that headspace, I don't think there's much Steven can do.

Part of that is me thinking about when they were young. When Marc's cowering from his mom, and Steven takes over, he immediately starts cleaning up as if his mom isn't threatening him on the other side of the door. Steven doesn't have any memory of their mom being abusive either. To me, that comes across as Steven being a distraction or way to hide emotionally. Which in the long run, is more maladaptive than helpful, but as children it's needed. They didn't need nice conversation or comfort until after the threat was gone. So Steven protects Marc emotionally, by diverting attention from it.

As adults, I do think Steven is better suited for calming Marc before he even gets to a panicked state. But I do think that's something that would have to be actively worked towards. While Steven is nice, I don't see the effortlessly nurturing side that everyone else does. He was great in episode 5, but the 4 episodes before that (and even the beginning of 5 really) is him bickering with Marc, being kind of insensitive and making things worse. I know he didn't really know what was going on, so I'm not blaming him. But it's still true. I don't think he's good at dealing with the before, but is better at the aftermath.

Once Jake has them safe, he always disappears letting them figure out what to do next from that point on. So I think that applies here. Jake doesn't do the comfort, that's Steven's job. Jake gets the threat gone and maybe deals with any really bad injuries (before getting the Moon Knight suit anyway). Steven is a distraction or barrier from any stressors in the moment (like when Marc couldn't go to their mother's Shiva). And Marc just gets left with the memory later on, when he's no longer in that heightened state.

Now I'm going to go into the specifics for my fics and au, so those who don't care can stop reading now.

This dynamic is strain on Jake as he's both a physical protector and gatekeeper.

He likes to make sure that they're safe, but with the suit it's needed less. Meaning most of the times he's had to be that role is when Marc is harming himself. I did write Marc stepping off the roof of the Avengers compound as a joke, because the circumstances for that were funny. To Marc, it's not an attempt but a way to force Jake to front and also show how serious they are about wanting answers. He knew they'd be fine.

For Jake though? It's not funny. Like he understands what Marc is trying to do. But considering their track record, he doesn't appreciate Marc doing that purposely, just to get Jake to front. There might be some trauma there that he doesn't want to acknowledge with Marc's previous real attempts or other self-destructive behavior. I do think that's one thing Jake takes very seriously.

This is going to be handled in more depth, but he can't properly do his job if he's always worried about Marc. Or if they're purposely doing things that get in the way of him being a gatekeeper as well. Which is why he didn't front often and had no real interest in it. Fronting was never fun for Jake, so he does prefer just staying internal and keeping track of everything that way. Rather than fighting or fronting when they're in pain, though he'll never admit it.

And as things progress in illusion, Marc is going to be upset that Jake doesn't trust him as Marc is working on his behavior. Marc doesn't like to hear that Jake still sees him as that struggling teenager when he's a full adult who (mostly) has a handle on things. At the same time, Marc does feel that he understands where Jake is coming from and he can't be mad at Jake for seeing him that way. He understands how traumatic it was for Jake to have to deal with the aftermath of any attempts especially being a child himself at the time.

I do think Steven, Jake, and Mark all age with the body at the same rate. So a lot of their really bad years were teenagers trying their best to help teenagers.

Steven also is upset that he's not as useful in situations like this, especially considering the conversation that he and Marc already had. Though, I think he's also kind of glad that his stuff isn't as heavy, even if he does feel guilty for feeling like that. He's not as involved in this specific issue, but he does know that Marc cares how other people see him and that this would be a blow. Most likely, Steven will be a big part of mending Marc and Jake's relationship.

It's a tough line to walk where Steven and Jake deserve their independence and their own lives separate from Marc, but that doesn't mean that they don't care or don't want to help. Considering how serious they take their jobs, I think it actually shows just how much they care about Marc. But all of them do need to let go a little bit. Especially, Steven and Marc.

[jackalopc]

thinking again about marc and his relationship to the armor... (aka following up from everything in that last thread; this is just a lot of me rambling semi-incoherently like usual)

i think its also interesting that as he's first getting it put on its when khonshu names him his moon knight. like he literally says 'rise, my moon knight'.

and thats just what khonshu himself bubs him as he puts on this fancy magic armor that literally brings him off deaths doorstep...

and knights have just... such specific imagery and symbolism behind them. there ofc is the like real how they really were vs the mythology of knights. but its a word that evokes like highly specific images and connotations the moment you say it. a warrior, yes, but more than that. knights are symbols of justice, chivalry, and who will fight the good fight even against terrible odds for their divine mission.

and i remember in the BTS like them talking about how they wanted to have 'moon knight' on the armor but there isnt like a direct translation for 'knight'. not in the like concept that we know and understand it as at least. so they had to make a work around. icr off top of my head what they went with but it is very much like, if you heard that you'd be like 'yk a modern version of this would be a knight' sorta thing. so like imho they do very clearly want to be going with the ideas that the word 'knight' conjures for us in the modern times

so he literally makes marc swear an oath that is literally so similar to the type of oath you would take when joining the u.s. military (use powers/abilities responsibly to help people); then he's just magically empowered for a moment well enough to stand up perfectly fine despite the gut shot. his eyes are glowing, and he's sailor moon transformation style wrapped up in this armor which starts instantly healing him from a fatal gunshot wound to the gut. and also, khonshu is a god.

marc's first interactions with this armor is literally it stitching his body back together while he's dubbed a knight and sent off on what on a divine mission of protecting the innocent.

literally at this point the only thing missing is a dragon or some other giant, mythical reptilian for him to help do battle against--

ah nvm they got that covered too

which again, in relation to my last post, make it all the funnier (affectionate) when he's so :/ about steven changing it; and his marine background also affecting how he might relate to it.... like i truly just get the vibe from marc of like he does fully understand and even believes in this mission; he knows how it important it is and what the armor means and what it represents in the grand whole... he just, y'know, also hates his boss (which is relatable as hell lmao)

and in the BTS they even said originally the suits were going to be switched, so marc would have the mr. knight suit, vs steven having the traditional armor. and like did they think about any of this and like him being a marine or any of those connections ive made? idk maybe not, but i love how it just. so perfectly ends up fitting after they swapped it. like it just feels idk right to me.

[tiptapricot]

well now i does is have to know your transfem marc thoughts

TWO OF YOU! Ok. Ok I will talk ab it.

SO. Transfem Marc is this headcanon I’ve had for a while that I have a hard time explaining. He just has the vibes for it? Something about leaning into masculinity so hard it feels like it circles back to not being a dude, along with some other stuff.

(Talk of sys’s trauma, Marc’s bad coping, and some talk of sex and kink at end but not super explicit or in depth so you can skip if needed)

To start, Marc is a gruff man, he’s a guy who represses his emotions and his mental health issues and his trauma. He’s autistic and masks heavily, scared of emotional intimacy and the ways that being different can make you a target. He wears simple bland clothes that are predictable and reliable and don’t stand out. He went to the military, then into mercenary work, then into the service of a god. He has spent so much of his life fitting into boxes and predetermined expectations for how he should be, burying his feelings under violence and anger and emotional repression.

And there’s just a vibe there.

That’s sort of where it started for me, along with occasionally thinking of gender headcanons for the sys members (which is a whole other post). Marc had this flavor to him I couldn’t really name? He wasn’t a cis man, even though he appeared like one, and while I love transmasc MK sys headcanons and do have that as a side pocket headcanon, there was also just… woman vibes?? Truly idk.

Then I started fleshing out my expanded system roster and worked out my version of Inner Child from the Ultimate Marvel universe, and like… that is a little girl inside them. A kid to hold their innocence and place in childhood, the idealized self away from what they experienced. And she’s a girl.

I just kept reflecting on that, on what that piece of them meant. Women are socially and stereotypically seen as more innocent than men, as kinder, softer, so maybe it’s that, maybe just their brain finding a child they couldn’t be to maintain what they didn’t have. A separation for projection. A little girl who got through things instead of a little boy. But that… again there’s just this feeling to me of more.

Cause also like… Marc could never be that. He didn’t get the chance to be that. He was beaten into the shape of a little boy who was wrong. Was the one who had the name of their body, the weight of being the person everyone thought they were. And he had to keep doing that far into their adulthood. Be the Man, the Soldier, the Husband. There’s a safety in masculinity, one he can keep hold of, a script he’s always known and doesn’t have to think about with everything else going on. Being a man makes it easier, or at least feels like it does, but it’s a performance, a role he’s taken on for protection.

Boxes and boundaries and forcing yourself into a role that does not fully encapsulate you is an experience that connects with so many people, so many lives and states of self, but I just couldn’t shake trans vibes. And then it’s like. Where do you go from there?

Because if that is the case for Marc and we look at him through that lens, then… man.

It would be something that grows. Deep down there’s this niggling feeling he can’t place, and doesn’t want to because it means too much, opens too many avenues.

How can he recognize that facet of himself, that he may not be fully A Man, when thats just something else to make him different, something else to make him incorrect, something else to come to terms with when he doesn’t have the time.

How can he recognize that facet of himself when that’s one of the last lines of separation between him and Wendy.

He doesn’t want to feel closer to her, doesn’t want to feel more like her than he “already is.”

He sees his bad habits, his own stubbornness and anger and brashness, how he hurts those close to him, how he drinks when he’s angry and grieving and can’t put the bottle down. He’s too close. And so manhood is a way to distance himself, to not feel like a piece of her is lodged in him, is inescapable, that he is becoming the woman who hurt him.

But being a woman, sometimes, in some ways…Maybe that’s just him. And restricting that, holding it back, is the real thing that would echo Wendy’s hurt. Embracing the woman Marc has made himself ignore and finding his arms around himself and knowing he doesn’t have to be scared of her… it’s healing.

Part of it may be how he formed, that need for separation, that maybe a daughter would’ve been treated better than a son, or maybe it was always something in that young child, a space that didn’t fit that he held on to. He can’t know for sure, but it doesn’t really matter. I think he’d try to rationalize it some, think about it in regards to why he exists and how he was shaped, but in the end… he exists how he does either way, feels what he does either way, wants what he does either way. That won’t change.

(Mild sex/kink talk, skip to asterisks if needed)

Though not how I always imagine it playing out (I have a lot of various headcanon timelines in my head that are not always existing at once) I think one of the ways this discovery could get pushed forward could be via crossdressing play with Layla. They go into it in an attempt to test out how letting go of hypermasculine roles may help Marc let go of control, let go of tension and expectation, and it just… hits. It broils something up in Marc’s gut that is warm and confusing and overwhelming. Layla calls him a good girl, calls him pretty, loves him in that way, and for a moment he realizes how much he wants that, how it floods him with a relief of not having to hold onto a singular role anymore. And it just… forces those questions into the forefront, makes him think about them, grapple with them, try and explore them.

********

I don’t see Marc as a trans woman. I kind of place him in this bi-gender/gender fluid kind of space. Sometimes he’s a man, but sometimes he’s a woman too. Not a super feminine one. He still uses Marc and doesn’t get deep into heavy makeup or wigs or dresses, but maybe some lipstick or eyeliner, some looser hair now and then, a change in pronouns. He’s a woman because he is, and not when he’s not. Maybe has bracelets to signal how he feels since he’s not great at communicating wants and boundaries in words.

Maybe it goes further over time, but he also seems like the type of person, an older, complicated, queer person, who still sticks to what he knows, and understanding and engaging with himself authentically within that is enough.

Overall just… transfem Marc settles in right for me. A realization of identity that didn’t surface until so late because there was so much else he had to keep himself afloat through, and recognizing that there was more (just like we see with his ignoring of Jake) would’ve been too much to handle. But when it’s able to be real, when he’s able to touch that piece of himself and recognize it’s there, it’s a huge step in his growth and acceptance, in releasing the tension of hiding that he’s gotten so used to.

So yeah :-)

(Id for ask screenshot in ALT)

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

I've been saving this one. You have no idea.

ALRIGHT LET'S GO.

THIS SCENE. They are reunited and the door has opened. They have hope! Look at their faces. Steven is SO Steven. He's just amazed and full of hope and wonder. Marc is still defrosting, but he looks surprised.

Sure, he didn't expect for them to be saved. This is a man that had thought his whole life that he was unworthy of anything. He made it to the field of reeds, and then immediately rejected it for Steven. Yet here he stands, with Steven Grant and the door back to life.

So why doesn't he look happy?

In fact, in half a second, you see his face turn ever so slightly into one of doubt.

In that second, he moves back. He pushes Steven forward just a little. Is Marc considering pushing Steven through and staying behind? Giving Steven the life without him? He's already seen that he could move on without Steven. Can Steven move on without him?

It wouldn't be unlike Marc to put Steven first. To stay trapped in the Duat and let Steven be the hero with Layla.

And Steven, still looking at the light, Marc is the first to notice the Duat rising up to try to claim them. His look of fear as he clutches at Steven a little tighter. He would do anything in that moment to protect him.

He even tells Steven to go ahead. To go without him. Not because he can't walk and is slowing Steven down. He tells Steven to go because he still isn't sure if he should go back.

Even when Steven tells him he isn't going without him, Mac still pushes Steven through the door first. SHOVES him through the door first.

Just in case it's a trick. Just in case something happens. At least Steven will be safe. Luckily, Steven is still holding him and drags Marc along with him, just in case Marc stops. Just in case Marc changes his mind...

[midnightmissionary]

The easiest way to explain my opinions on the moon knight comics vs show is 'imagine I'm khonshu, badr is the comics and marc is the show'

[porcelain-and-nightbird]

OH MY GOD THIS POST YESSSS

I need more portrayals in fanfictions about Steven being angry and scared because they always write about him being too understanding.

He may be more understanding now if he found out about Jake in a second season...but even in cases someone writes an AU of the first interaction between Steven and Marc, or even with Jake, Steven believes everything right away. Like, someone is taking your "normal life" and putting it upside down, REACT!

Maybe writers want to write him like that because they want them to have a good relationship fast but they are stripping Steven of his number one coping mechanism: "denial, denial, denial".

Marc's situation, on the other hand, is just tragic in the first episodes. He took the time to "parent" Steven, take care of his illusion of normality, and also had to take all the insults (ok, most of them, not the ones that involved Layla) in stride because he believed he didn't deserve anything good (and if someone who he believed was truly good told him he was bad, then hey! It must be true).

That's why when Steven learns the whole truth and sees their actions for what they truly were (both his denial and Marc acting as a kindness to Steven) that this scene becomes so freaking important.

JESUS THIS SCENE BREAKS ME

TLDR: WATCH MOON KNIGHT AND CRY BECAUSE OF BEAUTIFUL WRITING

You’ve got to live a happy, simple, normal life. You understand? [But it was all a lie, wasn’t it?] So what? What does it matter?