#marc spector meta

[traveller-of-the-knight]

Do you know what I love about moon knight? (Many things, yes but-)

The way that when Marc was questioning all of his sanity, questioning if he'd ever worked or ever met an egyptian god, questioning if everything that happened in the last decade was real, questioning everything he saw- He never questioned Steven. No Steven is there and he is real. They've been together since they are children, he survived because he knew he wasn't alone, he knew Steven is real, even if others probably have told him otherwise.

I think about that a lot.

And I want someone to love me as Marc loves Steven, a love so strong and real that against all odds, even if Steven being real sounds impossible Marc doesn't lose faith. Because a love that strong must be real

[wortsandall]

Marc Spector- the lies we tell ourselves au

its finally his turn-let's get into it prev/next

might be late for a disclaimer but in my tlwto au posts, it's half a deep dive into the canon character and half how that will impact how they appear in my fic. I'm bringing this up specifically for marc, because I see him as a mess trying to hide that he's a mess. and that portrayal will be ramped up to 11. not because I don't think marc is traumatized enough, but because he is. and I want to see how far I can push it before that façade breaks and he has to actually confront his traumas and maladaptive behavior, rather than just continuing on like it's not happening. everyone can see that marc is affected, except for himself as he keeps going on about being fine, or his feelings not mattering because there are more important things going on. there will be no more hiding or deflections. he's going to lose that control-hence the title of the first part of the au-no control

anyway to actually start this-I realize I use this metaphor a lot but marc is an open gaping wound bleeding all over the place and onto everyone. who thinks he's not because he put a band aid on, even though that band aid is soaked through and barely covers the wound. that bandage being pretending there's nothing wrong, especially since steven hadn't fronted in awhile. allowing him to marry layla and think maybe he's over the hard part.

in my fic, marc will be more closed off, more mean, prone to being defensive and deflective. physical problems are no issue to him, it's the emotional ones that send him to the hills. I never like to think of the end of a season being the end of all problems. that any issues brought up will be fixed and they don't have to worry about it anymore. meaning that while this au takes place after the first season, marc and steven's relationship will be closer to what it's like at the beginning of season one. one good conversation isn't going to immediately fix how marc has been thinking and treating steven for the years before season one. it's a start, but nowhere close to the end. they get along better, but it's not great.

now that steven is aware of their disorder, marc will use him as another method of hiding. steven likes to talk out problems and marc does not. if steven tries, marc will tend to just abandon the conversation midway by ducking from the front. he's not interested in healthy communication and tends to default to just ignoring the issue to steven's frustration. they can have conversations that are important but if it comes any closer to things that marc has difficulty talking about, like their mother, then it's over.

this plays into the guilt he carries because he's fucking up over and over. but then he can never actually learn from the mistakes as he won't let himself. tackling his own feelings about something that happened is part of making up for it. and because he's avoidant, he can never get to that part because he doesn't want to confront the hard stuff. which ties directly into his issues with self degradation and self-hatred. everything about that can be tied straight into his childhood and how he was treated. both by his mother, and in this au, bullies and other adults who failed him. his mom instilled in him this belief that he's evil. that he's the reason bad things happen.

and with the others, being treated like there's something inherently wrong with him, something that cannot be fixed. being ostracized and looked down on. and he grow up with that and believes it to be true. in adulthood, he ends up proving his mother right (in his eyes) as he feels blame and guilt for what happened at the dig site and every death afterwards. literal proof that he hurts people and maybe that's all he's ever been good for. his dad doesn't help combat this belief, but adds to it. as he never did anything concrete to help marc, marc starts to believe that maybe he deserves it as not even his own father would help him.

out of all them he has the most attachment to being jewish, because of his dad. an attachment that comes to him in moments of distress almost as if he's still trying to get his dad to care about him just a little more. the complicated feelings of being raised jewish and genuinely believing in everything that comes with, while also trying to prove to his father that he deserves to be cared about. (doesn't make him any less jewish just having a neglectful father who is also a Rabbi might result in a little religious trauma, especially once you add khonshu to the mix)

side note: i dont think steven has an attachment either way. like he knows he was raised jewish, but is more focused on the Egyptology stuff and jake probably cares a little bit also but is more focused on the culture that comes from being latino hence speaking spanish

I've mentioned the idea of loneliness in both steven and jake posts and for marc I think he'd be used to it. in the way that he doesn't necessarily notice that he is. due to his issues in childhood he didn't have many friends. and not any that were long-lasting. self-isolation is what he's used to. the lack of validation and dealing with emotions from his parents has led to him having to self-soothe. being by himself and dealing with himself is his bread and butter.

when he meets layla, she gets the brunt of that. he wants her to love him, wants to be around her but doesn't know how. and because of that pesky self-hatred, he cannot let himself be happy. constant self-destructive behavior getting in the way. there's a fear of happiness at play as well, because he knows how quickly it can leave. that fear has been validated over and over, as the people he loves either hurts him or leaves. while also having to battle his savior complex that I think stems from failing to save randall. he couldn't save his brother, but now that he has to the ability to save others he'd be damned if he lets anyone else get hurt. even at a cost to himself.

that cost to himself is doing something that he hates over and over again, simply because he thinks it's better for everyone else. he wants to help people and wants to save them. he can do that with khonshu. he can hate himself more and more, every time he has to take a life, but if it helps then it's necessary. plus, marc should be used to killing people, he's done it since childhood. that fact being drilled into him for years, that he killed his brother. he already thinks of himself as a murderer, he's reaffirming what he already thinks.

and having khonshu and the suit adds to the guilt. because he does enjoy the safety that comes with having it. that he cannot be hurt anymore if he has it. and he can finally, actually protect himself which he was unable to do as a kid (not realizing that jake has been doing that for a long ass time)

and speaking of jake, I can imagine marc being really angry at jake for being a gatekeeper. he understands where he's coming from because he did the same to steven. he's more angry at the fact that jake has more control over what memories go where and who can front. marc has thought of himself as being the "main" so he thinks he has the more control when it comes to the disorder. which is partly true because he's known about it longer, but being the host doesn't make him more in charge than anyone else. he's mad at again having to confront that maybe he doesn't have as much control as he's always thought. don't want to get too into it as that's what no control is about.

and that aspect of being a control freak comes again from the self hatred and not thinking he deserves happiness. at least this way he can kinda control it instead of being blindsided when bad stuff happens. for example he's hesitant to name the second fish that steven got because then he might get attached and if hes attached then bad things will happen. he thinks he ruins everything he touches. which leads to the belief that his alters are better than him. nobody wants marc spector when they could have the well adjusted steven or the charming jake. at the end of the season, they no longer have khonshu. and marc sees the suit as his only defining feature. so without that, what's the point of him? we see this with him making the deal with steven to give up the front and disappear. in my au, marc tries to do this, fronting less and less and just letting steven take charge.

to talk more about au specifics, in the second part where the littles are introduced, it makes marc spiral like crazy. the anger at jake rears it's ugly head again for not knowing what the hell happened. for not knowing what's actually going on in his head. that their are aspects of himself that he doesn't know and would never know about.

because part of marc still thinks of himself as the original and doesn't yet recognize there is no original. its not marc creating these personalities or sections of himself, but a result of never fully having formed a personality/identity in the first place. marc has to come to terms with being the host but he doesn't get the most authority. everyone is equal for the most part, even if some have less autonomy i.e. the littles

for rose, I can imagine marc being kind of disturbed by her when he meets her. as rose is the youngest of them all and barely speaks. he's looking right at the fact that he doesn't know as much as he thought (and why is she a girl?) and he cant do anything for her, he cant fix it. a confrontation with his savior complex.

for leo there is an instant mutual dislike between them. but he doesn't understand where the animosity comes from. marc trying to talk to leo is like talking to a distressed feral cat. he's getting clawed even if they aren't in the same room and marc hasn't done anything. and marc lackd' the gentleness and patience that is needed to get to know those feral cats. but they learn to get along eventually and marc starts to realize it's more abt leo's own complexes than it is about marc, even though he is "at fault" for some of it.

when it comes to the parents, marc hates his mom but he also loves her as he remembers what it was like before and knowing that it didn't have to be that way, mourning both the loss of his mother and the permanent loss of his hope that things could have gone back to where they were before. even if he knows logically that was never going to happen.

meanwhile when it comes to his dad its anger. anger at the fact that his dad never did anything to stop their mom. it's hard to be anything but angry with someone who actively put you in danger and didn't try to stop it. he's thankful for the therapy (not really but it was an attempt) but that never erased the monster in the walls that he tried to excuse at every opportunity. marc thinks he's an enabler and being sad and looking sad doesn't cut it. his dad he could've tried something, anything at all to actually protect marc but didn't. and part of that enabling and neglect led to other traumas that marc doesn't know about (yet)

in conclusion, marc has a lot of complex traumas leading to extreme maladaptive behavior that he tries to ignore. but ignoring it can actively make it worse until it all explodes in his face. he cares so much. and he wants to help people but often gets in his own way. is actively the most sensitive of them all, but he cannot come to terms with that and tries to bury it. not knowing how to express vulnerability and weakness or how to open up due to how he was raised. he doesn't like hurting people, but believes it's what he's good at. wants to make up for everything that he's done but doesn't know where to start. or even if he deserves the redemption (he doesn't need redemption as he's not a villain but he doesn't understand that yet)

the lies we tell ourselves au masterpost

[guardianspirits13]

So. Moon Knight has been on my mind recently, in the midst of my woeful Dead Boy Detectives hyperfixation. And of COURSE it got me thinking as things always do, and it crossed my mind how similar Charles’ and Marc’s home lives were as kids. Like one parent who actively hated them and that they could never do any good by (who beat them regularly), and the other parent simply passive, sympathetic but demure.

Hear me out- Charles and Edwin as a DID system. Two souls one body, the same as it is in Moon Knight. As ghosts they are two separate apparitions (for the most part) but they firmly believe that they lived separate lives, and it takes a psychic and a long-winded investigation to realize that perhaps the reason they are so inseparable is because they lived the same life.

Charles is the protector, at least physically, but Edwin takes on the emotional trauma and serves to compartmentalize and do homework and keep up appearances when Charles does not have the capacity to do so. But, as the bearer of emotional trauma, Edwin is also attune to their attraction to the same sex, which Charles must not know about for his own physical safety.

Charles thinks back on his life and remembers mostly his parents and his childhood. He knows he played cricket in highschool and had a couple flings with girls, but he’ll tell you it’s a miracle he didn’t flunk out given how little he remembers doing schoolwork.

Edwin vividly recalls his school life and although he was tormented by his peers, his teachers are fond of him and he’s incredibly intelligent and hard-working, even if a couple of assignments fall through the cracks. However, he couldn’t tell you what his parents looked like. He has a vague recollection of a distant, vaguely considerate relationship with them, but nothing too vivid.

Also, whenever Charles is fronting, Edwin feels trapped in a liminal space that he can’t ever seem to break free from. He has terrible nightmares of pain and torture but no idea what causes it, as he remains unaware of Charles’ physical trauma.

Just… augh. The more I write the more I realize how unexpectedly well this concept works for them. I already have three fanfics and an animatic on my plate but PLEASE if anyone wants to this concept is entirely up for grabs.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

It's not Jake.

I'm going to tackle this bit now. It will forever bother me. I think it will forever be a point of argument in the fandom until the word of god (Diab) comes down and explains it all. Even then, there will always be room for argument.

So let's argue.

Marc with Dr. Harrow. I missed it the first time I watched it. (It was on a small screen with poor sound. I should have turned on the subtitles.)

He doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know where he is but he feels terrible and he's in a situation he's been in before.

Marc knows how to play the game. He might be bad at social situations, but Marc is stubborn and despite his self destructive tendencies, he's a survivor.

From knowing how to please his mother to keep her happy to knowing how to keep the school happy to keeping his father happy.

He also knows how to keep the doctors happy.

You can see the wheels turning as he figures out what Dr. Harrow is looking for and what the right thing to say is. You see him looking around and taking everything in the room in.

Something he learned in the military and then as a mercenary. What is around him? Know the land. Know the space. Know the tools. Know the exits. Know the enemy.

It's so subtle how his eyes move and stare. Every movement of his body is absolutely still and stiff except his eyes. Don't move. Don't draw attention. Don't give yourself away.

He talks about the talking hippo. Corrects him stubbornly. Like a child correcting a parent that gets their drawing or story wrong.

He talks briefly about Steven. He really doesn't want to discuss Steven with Dr. Harrow. Even now, he's trying to protect Steven.

Honestly, Marc is probably unsettled by how Quiet Steven is being. He can't hear him. He can't feel him. He was reaching for him before in his reflection.

Has this happened before? Are the drugs messing him up? Is this even real? You can see it in his eyes as he is trying to work out what has happened. What if it's real? What if Dr. Harrow is right and all of it was in his head?

But he knows things are off. You see him look at the cane and the sandles. He KNOWS something is wrong, but he can't place it.

And then Dr. Harrow asks about the boy.

Now Marc knows this is wrong. He would never have talked about Randall. This is the last thing he'd ever willingly bring up.

You see him instantly shut down and he's made his decision.

I've seen a LOT of arguments that this is Jake. But I don't think so. We, the audience, have not been properly introduced to Jake and his face has been purposfully hidden from us each time he does flicker in. This is not Jake. Jake is still hidden. And Jake would NOT have tolerated Dr. Harrow.

Even if Dr. Harrow was a new alter (persecutor?) created after being killed, Jake would have put him in his place. As protector and possible Gate Keeper, NONE of what's going on would have been tolerated at all. Jake is organized and patient. Jake takes charge when needed and gets the job done.

This is Marc. This is the Marc Spector that you don't see.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Marc cannot mask in the Duat. Every piece of Marc you see is pure and uncensored.

You see Marc play the game but the second Roro comes up, Marc is done.

This is the Marc that is dangerous (Mercinary, special forces, Marines, skilled beyond reason in combat) and also the Marc that is desperate. He's cornered and he will chew his own leg off to get out.

He doesn't know what's out there, but he knows that Steven is being kept away and he needs him.

So why does Marc grab the sharp pointy pyramid? Why does it look like he's trying to first stab them then stab himself?

Well, up to this point, Marc has figured out that he's been shot. He's found Steven outside of his body in a very unlikely situation, and nothing feels real.

He's also jumping scenes. From being with Dr. Harrow to being with Steven.

A part of him is scared it's real. A part of him is scared it isn't.

If it isn't real, how can he get out of it? Perhaps if he takes more damage he'll go somewhere else. Perhaps he'll go back to Steven. Perhaps he thinks it's a dream and he'll wake up next to Layla.

Look at his face. Beaten up. Broken nose. Heavy bags under his eyes. One pupil even looks larger than the other. Severe bodily trauma. (From getting shot? From getting into fights? From some form of brain damage?)

Now, speaking of Jake... I wonder how much of Teenage Marc was really Teenage Jake trying to keep them safe. I can't imagine their teen years being good at all. There's a good chance that their teenage years were utter misery and things probably escalated to terrible depths.

(Anyone else notice that three times we see Baby Marc, it's his birthday? I'm willing to bet every birthday his mother came for him viciously.)

I'm willing to bet that any previous clash he had with a mental hospital deeply involved Jake. One of them started fights and one of them played the game. Marc would get into fights, but Marc also knows how to play the game thanks to his mother. Jake would have wanted them out of there. He may have fought or he may have tried to take control to keep them safe.

So in this situation, Marc has been separated away from Steven, his emotional support and protection. He has been separated away from his physical protection and stabilizer.

And Jake DOES stabilize Marc. When Marc flies off the handle in a rage. When he has flashbacks. When he gets drunk and trashes a hotel room... Who steps in to settle things down? (JAKE'S FUCKING GLOVES WERE IN THAT HOTEL ROOM ON THE NIGHT STAND AS IF THEY HAD BEEN WORN AND TOSSED ASIDE. JAKE WAS THERE.)

So without all of Marc's safe guards, Marc is sitting there in a terrifying situation and his biggest trauma is brought up by a man that he knows he can't trust.

Look at how the episode starts. The cave. The running water. The screaming boy for help. His mother blaming him. It's all right there. Right on the edge of his mind like a bad flashback.

The last thing he wants is to be back in that cave again. Is to see his brother drowning again.

He's going to fight. If he wasn't so disabled by the drugs and injuries he would have burned the whole building to the ground if he could have.

I do have to wonder, though... Marc keeps going back to Dr. Harrow when things get too stressful there. Like a sort of time out. A time for him to try to process and make sense of things. He breaks down when Steven demands to go back to the room. Total melt down. The time out forces him to deal with it. To see it.

Even Steven goes there when he becomes overwhelmed and needs a time out to see what's really going on.

Dr. Harrow was very interested in speaking to Steven. He even mentions that it had been a long time since he had seen Steven. That Steven was the one that brought them there.

It's doubtful that Jake ever made it there. Dr. Harrow (and the real Harrow) had no idea about Jake. And Marc doesn't know about Jake, as this is Marc's processing time.

But what if Jake had made it there? What if Jake had it all figured out? What if Jake had gotten locked up on purpose?

Steven and Jake, literally compartmentalized by Marc.

Perhaps a Meta for another day.

[spectordameron]

I finally nailed why Marc calling Steven and Jake in What If...Venom "necessary evils" irked me so badly and it's not just because of the ableism (though I'm very annoyed but not surprised by that) — it's because it's a fundamental misunderstanding of who Marc is as a person.

Marc loves those two, even if those feelings get complicated especially with Steven in the comics. Marc does not view them as necessary evils — he views himself as one. In the show, Steven deserves nice things. A normal life, a loving mother, his dream job (or as close to it as he can get). Marc deserves solitude and punishment and a near empty, cold storage unit. In the comics, or at least the Mackay run, there's a strong theme of Marc viewing himself only as necessary. A blunt tool, to do the dirty work and nothing more. He's envious and insecure when it comes to Steven and Jake, because they're likeable. They're good. If Steven and Jake are in the picture, who wants Marc Spector? But at least he's needed; the necessary evil, the weapon to be used, the fist of khonshu and the protector of the travelers of the night.

The only time Marc is cocky, is in a fight. He likes for them to see him coming, he likes to straighten out bad guys by making them afraid of what will happen if they hurt people the way Marc was hurt. He quips in fights because he knows he's good at it; this is what he's meant to do in his eyes. But it's cockiness about being a weapon. Not cockiness about himself as a person, or his looks.

It's more than just that Mike Chen wrote Marc as fanon Poe Dameron, it's that he took away the most fundamental core trait of Marc's personality, which is his self loathing.

[moon-knights-balls]

Layla is the sun that brightens the darkness in Marc's world.

Marc is the moon that lights up the way in Layla's world.

[copingchaos]

Thinking about how Harrow let out 2 shots to kill the moonboys. Symbolically killing marc and steven,,,not jake though. Yet it ends up being precisely our man Jake Lockley who takes revenge on Harrow for Marc and Steven. Bc no one messes with his boys<333

[marcspectrr]

So much of Layla is in Marc. Because he did not ask to be loved on his own. He didn't know how.

Any semblance of connection always had a price of admission. He has a bedrock of traumatized attachment to unlearn.

Years of watching her analyze the tree rings of the world to understand where it went wrong while still smiling has taught him things he doesn't even realize. Makes me crazy actually.

[age-of-moonknight]

“The Once and Future Knight,” Phases of the Moon Knight (Vol. 1/2024), #1.

Writer: Erica Schultz; Penciler: Manuel García; Inker: Sean Parsons; Colorist: Ceci de la Cruz; Letterer: Cory Petit

[fdelopera]

I....I tried to write a response to the latest Moon Knight discourse and ended up writing a 10 page annalysis on the first four years run of Moon Knight. I'm not good at things...

BUT ANYWAYS.

I haven't read City of the Dead yet (I will read it because I need to see the directions Moon Knight is being taken by each writer so I can keep up my scarily intense spread sheet), but I have seen the discussions and images.

While Marc is not practicing his religion, he is still wrestling with G-D.

He has wrestled with his own sense of self, his spiritualism, his upbringing, his family, his own life and death, and even swaying from being materialistic and giving up everything.

He wrestles with G-D constantly. Challenging the teachings, circles back to them, follows them, breaks them... Every step of his way has been in direct defiance or on the path.

He ran from his father's teachings to be violent and live a life of destruction and pain. In doing so, he learned guilt and forgiveness. He learned the value of life when he took it.

In his death, he saw his own mortality and then rejected it.

I also am starting to wonder if his relationship with Khonshu (comics only) is in his own mind a reaction to his relationship with G-D and his culture.

He serves Khonshu for the life he was given but he resents Khonshu for the path he has taken. He views the powers he was given as a gift and a curse. He goes long stints of ignoring him then grows angry when he calls out and Khonshu doesn't answer.

He argues with Khonshu, rebels, defies him, and always comes back. He hates him and he honors him. He wears the outfit, the mission, the symbols, but he is not going to pray to him or follow the path as dictated.

The biggest difference is that Marc would never declare Khonshu a superior god or outright worship him. He view Khonshu as a being that has a higher power, but that cannot control him. He was not made by Khonshu or in his image. Khonshu is a being that has latched onto him like a parasite and Marc speaks to him in challenge to his ideal of G-D.

I always found it interesting that Marc, written as a Rabbi's son, would fall in with an Egyptian god. A god that was probably around and being worshiped during the exodus.

I've always seen Marc's relationship with Khonshu as another way for him to fight who he is. Who he was supposed to be and who he turned out to be.

Steven, on the other hand, has never been a big Khonshu fan. He loaths the jerk and sees him for what he is (something the show got right). He accepts Khonshu because he recognizes that he can give Marc what he needs to thrive. Keep him alive. Keep him from harming them. Keep him fighting and searching for himself.

I think Steven is not exactly practicing the religion, but upholds a lot of the culture. He's fancy and snotty, but he likes the comfort of ritual.

You are 100% right that Jake is probably the one that keeps the faith in their system. He guards their soul and keeps them humble. He probably would have gotten along with their father to a point. Be a member of the people and help those that need it.

I don't see Marc as an atheist or a true agnostic, but at times he would probably claim he is. I think he is a man that struggles with his religious upbringing so hard that he accidentally embodies it.

While Moon Knight is about a lot of things, I think catholic guilt needs to stay with Dare Devil. I think Moon Knight is about finding and struggling with identity. Always has been. Identity of where you come from, who you are, who you were supposed to be, who you are spiritually and with yourself. Perhaps that is a very Jewish thing to seek?

And I think that this gets written very poorly at times and often forgotten. He will never stand outside of a church and moan about failing god and his culture. But he will put on a kippah and wonder about who he was supposed to be if he had seen that his father was not a coward, but a man trying to change his own path in a world that fell down.

Your analyses are brilliant, as always. What a gift to receive this in my inbox!

Marc's Jewish journey is the journey of so many Jewish people, especially in the decades following the Holocaust and the attempted eradication of the Jewish people.

MacKay describes this beautifully in his run. He captures the sorrow and anger that many Jews have felt towards G-d for the pogroms, the Holocaust, the thousands of years of persecution. Why has G-d abandoned us? Why should we worship a G-d who feels like He is indifferent to us and our suffering?

Marc's anger at G-d is understandable. He witnessed his father, an Orthodox rabbi, be measured and compassionate in the face of antisemitic violence. Marc wanted to take up the Shield of David and destroy those who would hurt his people further.

But that is not the way, not anymore.

After the Romans destroyed the Second Temple and razed Jerusalem to the ground in 70 CE, Judaism had to change. It had to adapt. The Temple was gone, the priesthood was destroyed, and the Jewish people had to figure out how to continue to offer up to G-d. Without the priests offering sacrifices to G-d in the Temple, how would the Jews continue on as a people?

Out of the ashes of that war, Rabbinical Judaism was born. Torah study became the way that Jews offer up to G-d, as it still is today. Judaism became a religion of learning, debate, and discourse, not a religion of war. That is how Judaism would survive.

It's understandable then that Marc would look at the nearly two thousand years of history that came after the destruction of the Second Temple and see only weakness. Jews were slaughtered by the hundreds of thousands. They were sold into slavery and forced to emigrate to Europe. They were sentenced to live in squalor in ghettos and slums. They lived in constant fear of violence at the hands of Christians. And once they seemed to have reached a place of equilibrium, a new Christian power would rise and force them to flee, convert, or die. Pogrom after pogrom, ghetto after ghetto, Jews were marched throughout history towards what was intended to be the utter end. The final solution to the "Jewish question." Then they would die by the millions in the kind of coordinated extermination that only the Romans had been able to attempt before.

Marc looks at Jewish history and he rightly sees a history of pain. He is filled with righteous anger at the way his people have been persecuted, and he wants to lash out. But his rabbi father tells him no, that is not the way. That is not who we are as Jews.

And so Marc rejects the G-d of his father, and he joins the military. He needs a place that will let him channel his anger. And when the military rejects him, he becomes a mercenary. And finally his anger reaches its logical conclusion: death. And yet he does not die. He is resurrected by a god who allows him to pursue justice in the way he has wanted to, through blood.

But Khonshu takes Marc’s righteous need for justice — “tzedek, tzedek, tirdof” (justice, justice you shall pursue) — and the old god twists it into a desire for vengeance and retribution.

Marc has never worshipped Khonshu as a deity, but he does contractually serve the old god as an entity of vengeance. He sees Khonshu as a means to an end — as a means to protect the vulnerable and enact justice on evildoers — and yet he knows deep down that this end doesn’t justify the means he used to get there.

There is a responsibility, a burden, to being a Jew. We are responsible for leading a moral and ethical life, and we are responsible for working towards justice and equality in society. Our duty is to community, not to individualist desires. We have an obligation to the mitzvah of tzedakah, which comes from the word tzedek (justice), and means charitable giving that advances social justice. We have an obligation towards “tikkun olam,” or “repairing the world.”

These are all aims that Marc has pursued, and yet he’s pursued them out of a place of personal pain and anger. He has burned his life down more times than he can count, which has only fueled that pain and anger more.

Yet he’s still trying. And he’s starting to recognize what that pain and anger have cost him. As MacKay writes in the panels above:

“You couldn’t understand before why I take being the fist of Khonshu so seriously, when it’s cost me so much. Cost me everything. It’s because I don’t have anything else left. If I’m not the Fist of Khonshu, whatever I choose to understand that as, then I’m just Marc Spector, the man who makes the wrong choice every time. The man who threw away his religion, his heritage. Killed what family he didn’t bury. The man who brought harm and trauma to everyone who ever cared about him. The man who can’t breathe from the guilt closing over his head, thick as seawater and twice as bitter … I’d rather be anyone else other than that guy.”

While MacKay’s assessment of why Marc is part of a system is pretty problematic in these panels (really wish he hadn't included the line, "No wonder I developed DID," because that only increases stigma), MacKay does get the essence of the Jewish guilt that Marc feels.

Jewish guilt is not guilt for individual sin, like it is in Catholicism. This is one of the big problems that I have with the way that David Pepose is writing Marc in "City of the Dead." Feeling guilty about sin is a Christian notion, and doesn’t really figure in Jewish thought. Jewish guilt is the anguish we feel when we choose selfish, individualist aims that harm our community, our people.

And this is the beauty of MacKay’s run. MacKay understands Marc’s experience of guilt. MacKay’s Marc feels that he “[brings] harm and trauma to everyone who ever cared about him.”

And the natural resolution to that guilt, the way Marc is trying to atone for his actions that have hurt so many, is the establishment of the Midnight Mission. Marc starts the Mission without Khonshu’s direction. This is not part of his contract with the old god.

I think that in the Midnight Mission, we see Marc’s effort to reconnect with his Jewish faith. This is Marc trying to give tzedakah, this is his attempt at tikkun olam. He wants to serve the marginalized and disenfranchised, as he once did (during Moench’s original Moon Knight run). He wants to help his community, his people. And so he opens his doors to those that society has also rejected, and he gives them a home.

And this is really the path forward for many Jewish people. This is how we can channel our sorrow and anger at a legacy of thousands of years of persecution. This is what it is to be the "chosen people." As Jews, we are chosen to have extra responsibilities based on the covenant with G-d. A simple understanding is this: we are not "chosen" to be special; we are "chosen" to do the dishes. As Jews, it is our duty to pursue justice and help those in need.

And it is incredibly meaningful that Jed MacKay, a gentile, has taken the time and done the research to really understand this.

[traveller-of-the-knight]

Comics Vs Series: Steven stepping in edition

Moon Knight Vol. 9 Issue 12

[wortsandall]

with writing moon knight fic im thinking about the timeline of it all...

like marc was born and steven didnt come around until like age 8-9ish? we see marc leaving home looking to be late teens, early 20's maybe? steven has no memory at all about their military career...and marc says it started being hard to keep them separate after the shiva. which was like a couple months before the events of episode 1.

so steven has only been active in their life again for a couple months, maybe a year. whats that like for him? to remember bits of your childhood and then youre just a full mid 30's adult in London. and he just gets a job? hes under the impression in the beginning that its his moms flat...but their mom is actually dead and lived in chicago. so does he have fake memories of his time in London? does that fill the gap? we know marc was the one writing the postcards to make steven believe their mom was still alive. but was that all? steven was doing the fake phone calls to her on his own.

im so curious as to what steven actually remembers. like what does his timeline look like to him.

[tiptapricot]

well now i does is have to know your transfem marc thoughts

TWO OF YOU! Ok. Ok I will talk ab it.

SO. Transfem Marc is this headcanon I’ve had for a while that I have a hard time explaining. He just has the vibes for it? Something about leaning into masculinity so hard it feels like it circles back to not being a dude, along with some other stuff.

(Talk of sys’s trauma, Marc’s bad coping, and some talk of sex and kink at end but not super explicit or in depth so you can skip if needed)

To start, Marc is a gruff man, he’s a guy who represses his emotions and his mental health issues and his trauma. He’s autistic and masks heavily, scared of emotional intimacy and the ways that being different can make you a target. He wears simple bland clothes that are predictable and reliable and don’t stand out. He went to the military, then into mercenary work, then into the service of a god. He has spent so much of his life fitting into boxes and predetermined expectations for how he should be, burying his feelings under violence and anger and emotional repression.

And there’s just a vibe there.

That’s sort of where it started for me, along with occasionally thinking of gender headcanons for the sys members (which is a whole other post). Marc had this flavor to him I couldn’t really name? He wasn’t a cis man, even though he appeared like one, and while I love transmasc MK sys headcanons and do have that as a side pocket headcanon, there was also just… woman vibes?? Truly idk.

Then I started fleshing out my expanded system roster and worked out my version of Inner Child from the Ultimate Marvel universe, and like… that is a little girl inside them. A kid to hold their innocence and place in childhood, the idealized self away from what they experienced. And she’s a girl.

I just kept reflecting on that, on what that piece of them meant. Women are socially and stereotypically seen as more innocent than men, as kinder, softer, so maybe it’s that, maybe just their brain finding a child they couldn’t be to maintain what they didn’t have. A separation for projection. A little girl who got through things instead of a little boy. But that… again there’s just this feeling to me of more.

Cause also like… Marc could never be that. He didn’t get the chance to be that. He was beaten into the shape of a little boy who was wrong. Was the one who had the name of their body, the weight of being the person everyone thought they were. And he had to keep doing that far into their adulthood. Be the Man, the Soldier, the Husband. There’s a safety in masculinity, one he can keep hold of, a script he’s always known and doesn’t have to think about with everything else going on. Being a man makes it easier, or at least feels like it does, but it’s a performance, a role he’s taken on for protection.

Boxes and boundaries and forcing yourself into a role that does not fully encapsulate you is an experience that connects with so many people, so many lives and states of self, but I just couldn’t shake trans vibes. And then it’s like. Where do you go from there?

Because if that is the case for Marc and we look at him through that lens, then… man.

It would be something that grows. Deep down there’s this niggling feeling he can’t place, and doesn’t want to because it means too much, opens too many avenues.

How can he recognize that facet of himself, that he may not be fully A Man, when thats just something else to make him different, something else to make him incorrect, something else to come to terms with when he doesn’t have the time.

How can he recognize that facet of himself when that’s one of the last lines of separation between him and Wendy.

He doesn’t want to feel closer to her, doesn’t want to feel more like her than he “already is.”

He sees his bad habits, his own stubbornness and anger and brashness, how he hurts those close to him, how he drinks when he’s angry and grieving and can’t put the bottle down. He’s too close. And so manhood is a way to distance himself, to not feel like a piece of her is lodged in him, is inescapable, that he is becoming the woman who hurt him.

But being a woman, sometimes, in some ways…Maybe that’s just him. And restricting that, holding it back, is the real thing that would echo Wendy’s hurt. Embracing the woman Marc has made himself ignore and finding his arms around himself and knowing he doesn’t have to be scared of her… it’s healing.

Part of it may be how he formed, that need for separation, that maybe a daughter would’ve been treated better than a son, or maybe it was always something in that young child, a space that didn’t fit that he held on to. He can’t know for sure, but it doesn’t really matter. I think he’d try to rationalize it some, think about it in regards to why he exists and how he was shaped, but in the end… he exists how he does either way, feels what he does either way, wants what he does either way. That won’t change.

(Mild sex/kink talk, skip to asterisks if needed)

Though not how I always imagine it playing out (I have a lot of various headcanon timelines in my head that are not always existing at once) I think one of the ways this discovery could get pushed forward could be via crossdressing play with Layla. They go into it in an attempt to test out how letting go of hypermasculine roles may help Marc let go of control, let go of tension and expectation, and it just… hits. It broils something up in Marc’s gut that is warm and confusing and overwhelming. Layla calls him a good girl, calls him pretty, loves him in that way, and for a moment he realizes how much he wants that, how it floods him with a relief of not having to hold onto a singular role anymore. And it just… forces those questions into the forefront, makes him think about them, grapple with them, try and explore them.

********

I don’t see Marc as a trans woman. I kind of place him in this bi-gender/gender fluid kind of space. Sometimes he’s a man, but sometimes he’s a woman too. Not a super feminine one. He still uses Marc and doesn’t get deep into heavy makeup or wigs or dresses, but maybe some lipstick or eyeliner, some looser hair now and then, a change in pronouns. He’s a woman because he is, and not when he’s not. Maybe has bracelets to signal how he feels since he’s not great at communicating wants and boundaries in words.

Maybe it goes further over time, but he also seems like the type of person, an older, complicated, queer person, who still sticks to what he knows, and understanding and engaging with himself authentically within that is enough.

Overall just… transfem Marc settles in right for me. A realization of identity that didn’t surface until so late because there was so much else he had to keep himself afloat through, and recognizing that there was more (just like we see with his ignoring of Jake) would’ve been too much to handle. But when it’s able to be real, when he’s able to touch that piece of himself and recognize it’s there, it’s a huge step in his growth and acceptance, in releasing the tension of hiding that he’s gotten so used to.

So yeah :-)

(Id for ask screenshot in ALT)

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

I've been saving this one. You have no idea.

ALRIGHT LET'S GO.

THIS SCENE. They are reunited and the door has opened. They have hope! Look at their faces. Steven is SO Steven. He's just amazed and full of hope and wonder. Marc is still defrosting, but he looks surprised.

Sure, he didn't expect for them to be saved. This is a man that had thought his whole life that he was unworthy of anything. He made it to the field of reeds, and then immediately rejected it for Steven. Yet here he stands, with Steven Grant and the door back to life.

So why doesn't he look happy?

In fact, in half a second, you see his face turn ever so slightly into one of doubt.

In that second, he moves back. He pushes Steven forward just a little. Is Marc considering pushing Steven through and staying behind? Giving Steven the life without him? He's already seen that he could move on without Steven. Can Steven move on without him?

It wouldn't be unlike Marc to put Steven first. To stay trapped in the Duat and let Steven be the hero with Layla.

And Steven, still looking at the light, Marc is the first to notice the Duat rising up to try to claim them. His look of fear as he clutches at Steven a little tighter. He would do anything in that moment to protect him.

He even tells Steven to go ahead. To go without him. Not because he can't walk and is slowing Steven down. He tells Steven to go because he still isn't sure if he should go back.

Even when Steven tells him he isn't going without him, Mac still pushes Steven through the door first. SHOVES him through the door first.

Just in case it's a trick. Just in case something happens. At least Steven will be safe. Luckily, Steven is still holding him and drags Marc along with him, just in case Marc stops. Just in case Marc changes his mind...

[midnightmissionary]

The easiest way to explain my opinions on the moon knight comics vs show is 'imagine I'm khonshu, badr is the comics and marc is the show'

[joyful-soul-collector]

How I think the Moon Boys would react to meeting Other Heroes

I want to eventually turn these into fanfics relaying the events in detail (and if you want to as well, please do and tag me in it, I'd love to see what you make!) but for now we just do meta :] I'm gonna do the OG 6 avengers first, but I'll likely reblog later with other heroes if people seem interested, so lemme know if you wanna see more!

Tony Stark

Marc: Definitely assumes this guy is an asshole before ever meeting him. He's a billionaire, he's cocky, he built a giant tower with his name on it--he's got all the makings of a real asshole. Upon meeting him? Well, yeah, he has to admit the guy is smart and fights well. They can work as a team when in battle for sure. Still cannot stand his personality though, and it's in part because Marc can see some parts of himself in Tony. He really doesn't like the idea that he might relate to guy who used to be fine with building weapons for awful people.

Steven: Definitely hesitant about him, in part because Marc is so adamant about his assumptions. However upon meeting him, I think Steven could grow to like him in some ways. Sure he's cocky, and has a hard exterior, but it's not like he doesn't know how to deal with that, sharing a body with Marc and Jake. He likes to hear Tony explain science and machines to him, and I could see them talking about their weapons and armor, exchanging ideas. He too is fine to fight alongside Iron Man

Jake: He's also hesitant about Stark, both because of Marc and because of his role as the protector, but he can't help but admit... the guy has fuckin style. He particularly likes Tony's cars, and when he sees magazines in the store detailing all of Tony's cars, he can't help but snag one. And when he MEETS Tony? Well it takes help from Steven outright telling Tony that he'd love to see them, but Tony does show Jake his garage full of cars, and they chat about it for so long that Marc and Steven have to practically drag the body back home before midnight. Fighting enemies with him is an entire different playing field however. Jake really hates being told what to do, so generally he'll let Marc or Steven handle battles alongside Iron Man

Steve Rogers

Marc: Mixed feelings about Cap before meeting him for sure. He was a soldier like Marc was, and for that Marc feels a sense of loyalty or comradery with him. Cap also fought in WWII and helped save a lot of Jewish people, which obviously puts him in a good light. But at the same time, he's named Captain America, the same nation that spit him out of the marines with no support, no option but to become a mercenary to survive. After meeting him though, he finds that he quite likes Cap. They bond over their pasts as soldiers, and exchange stories of punching fascists right in the kisser. He considers it quite an honor to fight alongside Cap in any battles

Steven: He liked Cap from the very beginning, since he was a kid. Not obsessed, he never collected cards like Coulson, but he always regarded him as a hero for what he did in WWII. He's never liked to be called Steve, always the full name Steven, but it still made him just a little bit proud to share the same name as Captain America. After meeting Cap, he found he appreciated him as a person as well, not just as a hero. He enjoyed hearing Cap's stories about what life was like in his time, and they exchanged song recommendations together often. He too finds it an honor to fight alongside Cap

Jake: Jake didn't think much about Cap before meeting him. Sure, he was glad for what he did in WWII, saving Jewish people and punching Hitler, but he kind of thought that should've been the standard anyways. He didn't feel the need to praise the guy just for standing up for Jewish people, if anything he preferred to praise the Jewish doctor that MADE the super soldier serum, he was the one that gave them this great hero after all. After meeting Cap he did find he warmed up to him though. He was a good man, even if a bit robotic at times. Again though, he cannot stand people telling him what to do, especially in the commanding, soldier-like way Cap does it. At least Tony makes a funny comment when he tells people what to do, Cap just orders you, and Jake does NOT like that

Thor Odinson

Marc: VERY hesitant about this guy, as past experience with gods has not exactly gone well for him. Upon meeting him he realizes quickly that Thor isn't much of a threat (to him at least), and he gets less cagey. He doesn't exactly become friends with Thor, but they're nice enough to each other, and can fight as a team well. Secretly tho? He thinks Thor's whole lightning and thunder thing is pretty cool

Steven: Also again hesitant due to Thor's whole God-ness, but also realizes he wouldn't harm them. He is INTENSELY interested in Asgardian/Norse mythology though, and spends several evenings asking Thor a million questions about the different realms, the culture of Asgard and all the magic that exists there. Thor promises to one day show him the Bifrost and Asgardian palace library, as well as introduce him to Heimdall, who could tell Steven more about the realms than Thor ever could

Jake: AGAIN, not exactly excited about meeting another God, and even after meeting him, Jake is still unsure for a long time. He's always quick to remind Steven that Thor is a god and things could go bad with him at any time. With time he learns to trust Thor, and have a tentative relationship with him, at least enough that he's willing to fight alongside the god in battle

Clint Barton

Marc: He'd heard of someone called Hawkeye fighting in the Battle of New York, and mostly thought he must've been insane (or stupid) for fighting aliens with a bow and arrow. However after meeting him he did find a new respect for him. I think of all the people to spar with, he'd often choose Hawkeye, both because they're similar in strength (without the suit at least), and because Clint has a similar fighting style to him. They both utilize rooftops, darts/arrows/grappling hooks, and hand-to-hand combat, so he's a great person to practice with. They work well in battle together.

Steven: He was impressed hearing about a guy fighting aliens with a bow and arrow for sure. After meeting him I think he does like Clint, but might feel intimidated by him. He doesn't seem to be the most open of people, and he can see why Marc enjoys his company because of that, but Steven himself just finds Clint a bit difficult to talk to. They work fine in battle, but not as well as Jake and Marc do.

Jake: I think of anyone in MK system Jake probably is the one that can talk to Clint the most easily. He's relaxed enough that he doesn't worry about Clint being cagey at times, and good enough at bantering and talking with people to get Clint to relax and open up more. If anyone is able to start a good friendship with Clint, it's Jake. This also makes it so they work well fighting together

Natasha Romanoff

Marc: Absolutely just cannot vibe with this woman, at least at first. He could tell immediately that she was analyzing him and trying to get information about himself and his past out of him when they first met, and it just threw him off instantly. Something about the spy, manipulation tactics stuff, and honestly her being a woman, just reminded him too much of his mom. Over time he would learn to be less nervous around her, especially as he realized her analytical first impression was part of a mask she put on, but he couldn't say he ever truly relaxed around her. He doesn't enjoy fighting alongside her much, but he's willing to do it

Steven: He honestly thought she was fine upon meeting her, and that Marc was freaking out over someone just being friendly to him. It's not that he didn't realize she was analyzing them, but more that he understood quickly that it was a mask. She reminded him of Marc and Jake really, and similar to them, it was just a matter of being open enough that the other person felt comfortable taking of their mask too. I think they'd get along pretty well honestly, almost a grumpy+sunshine dynamic similar to him and his alters. They don't fight very similarly though, so while they get along, there's a lot more communication happening between them to try and fight better together.

Jake: Would also tell immediately that she was trying to analyze them upon first meeting, and I think that might actually trigger him to front when they first meet. She also reminded him of their mother, and Jake would immediately start handing that same energy back to her. I could honestly see a scene where she's asking them questions, and Jake starts to front and responds to her questions with his own questions. However, I think this would result in a friendship to be honest haha! I think through analyzing each other they would figure out they're similar in a lot of ways, and Jake would end up trusting her a lot. He would know that she understood what it was to have secrets and to be constantly striving to be better than the person you were in the past, and he would understand her for the same reasons. I also think they would bond a bit over their protective natures, with how she's protective over Clint and Yelena, and how he protects Marc and Steven. Oh and they would 100000000% dance together. It's basically their version of sparring haha, and in battle in makes it so they barely have to talk in order to coordinate seamlessly together, which works perfectly for him because he doesn't have to be told what to do but he can still work well with her

Bruce Banner/The Hulk

Marc: He'd heard of the Hulk before, and wasn't really sure what to think of it. Some people said he was a good guy, some people said he was bad, overall Marc just kinda hoped he'd never be on his bad side. After meeting Bruce he found that he wasn't afraid of the Hulk at all when he transformed. Cautious of course, but not afraid. He liked Bruce, he kind of reminded him of Steven in his awkwardness and nerdy ramblings. He wasn't exactly close with either Bruce or the Hulk, but they gained a mutual trust

Steven: Steven was very interested in Bruce and the Hulk ever since he'd first heard about them, and at first thought it might've been a weird, magical, or mutated version of DID. Obviously he quickly found out that wasn't the case at all, but he was still very interested in the duality of Bruce and The Other Guy and he ended up having long talks with Bruce about it when they met. I think if they'd met back then, Steven might've been able to help Bruce a lot when he was trying to figure out how to find a balance between himself and the hulk, help him figure out how to merge the best of both worlds. Steven's interactions with Hulk weren't as amicable in the beginning though, because Hulk viewed him mainly as "Banner's Friend", but Steven was still kind to him, so eventually The Hulk grew to like him too

Jake: Jake thought the Hulk was really cool honestly, but he could understand why Bruce didn't like it, because he understood the frustrating feeling of switching when you didn't want to, losing control when things got too emotional. However he didn't really voice how he related to Bruce until much further into their friendship. He still liked Bruce a lot though, for the same reason Marc did, he reminded him of Steven. He likely gets along with The Hulk a bit more though, because of he enthusiastically encouraging he is of the Hulk. He's considered the Hulk's friend, and he fights well alongside him. Overall I also think the Hulk likes the MK system because he understands that they switch similarly to how he and Bruce do, and may actually think about them working together so well when Bruce proposes the idea of them merging and working together better.

BONUS

Loki Laufeyson

(this one I actually already have a fanfic for, which is why there's a link, though it's set in a sort of AU where the Mind Stone hypnotized Loki and made him more violent and evil than he actually is. Here I'll talk about a more canon-ish reaction)

Marc: Obviously, none of the MK boys are gonna like this guy initially. The man sent an alien army to earth, he's not made a good first impression. Getting to know him over time is where things begin to change. When Marc starts to figure out that his swagger and menacing personality is more of a persona than how he actually is, he starts to kind of connect the dots and figure out that this guy may have been manipulated in some way, and may be going through things similar to what Marc went through when he was a mercenary. However he doesn't dig much into it, because he really doesn't love the idea that he might relate to a guy who tried to take over the entire earth (similar to how he doesn't want to relate to Tony either).

Steven: Steven would again, not be a fan of Loki, but unlike the other two, he would be the one actively looking for any sort of redeeming quality in him. Steven would be the one to find out about Loki's father, and how poorly he was treated, and would be able to communicate that to Jake and Marc. He would be the gentlest with Loki, and would likely be able to see through Loki's mask much easier than Marc or Jake would. Whether this would result in a friendship is harder to say though. He would be happy to talk to Loki about his problems, but I can't see him easily finding something to connect with him about. Maybe through magic, and Loki talking about spells and things he knows, similar to how Steven bonds with Thor.

Jake: Again, not a fan at first, but that changes over time. Unlike Marc, Jake would likely trust Steven's ideas about Loki, and how he may not be as horrible as he seems, or at least, he may have been manipulated into being what he is now. Jake I think would be able to talk to Loki and create a stronger friendship with him than the other two, being the people person he is. He wouldn't be able to easily talk about the trauma-related stuff, that's more Steven's expertise, but he would be able to see what Steven does eventually, and realize Loki isn't so different. He'd be able to analyze him similarly to how he did with Natasha, and while he won't talk to Loki about what he realizes, his opinions will still change, and he'll see him in a different light.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! Lemme know if you want to hear about the MK boys (or Layla???) reacting to more heroes! Again, if you make anything based of of these ideas, definitely tag me, I wanna see what you made!!