#mannnn maybe i do need to start going to all these student happenings

[just-spacetrash]

💫

[everygame]

M.U.L.E. (Atari 800)

Developed/Published by: EA Released: 11/1983 Completed: 24/06/2021 Completion: Beat Tournament mode against 3 AI with a colony score of 110,000+ Trophies / Achievements: n/a

Mule is an interesting one. I was trying to think what the cinema equivalent is, as a sort of easy metaphor: a classic that was lauded (if never particularly imitated) by a generation of filmmakers that goes almost completely unwatched these days. It’s not one of the obvious ones (you know, Super Mario Bros. as Birth of a Nation, or something); it’s too sophisticated to be something super early (Space Invaders as Journey to the Moon) and so I just can’t place it. The Red Shoes, perhaps?

The thing is though--and I suppose it’s the reason I’m trying to draw the metaphor--is that if you want to watch The Red Shoes and see what the likes of Scorcese have raved about, you can do so easily--it’s streamable on about nine different services, free with subscription or even ad-supported; you can buy it on a Criterion blu-ray and get a boat load of special features to give you context. Nothing is holding you back.

Here’s how you can play Mule: you can pay $8 to Good Old Games to play the trash PC port that is totally unrepresentative (it’s maybe also available on Origin, but I haven’t looked.)

Ok, so you don’t want to do that (and it’s not Good Old Games’ fault: they near-exclusively sell PC games). So here’s how you play Mule “as intended”: You have to download an Atari 800 emulator or understand how to make something like Retroarch make that happen. Then you have to find a ROM (watch out! You might download a pirate one that crashes if you catch the wumpus!). Then you have to find the BIOS files that will let the emulator run the Atari 800. Oh and don’t forget that the Atari 800 emulator requires a bit of fiddling to make that work. And because you want to see the game as intended, you’ve either now got to make this run on that CRT you’ve got lying around for this sort of thing or run it through a shader, preferably with a nice border so it looks like you’re running it on an old TV.

Oh, and for context, you’re going to want to look up the (beautiful) box and manual online.

The alternative, is, of course, to buy an Atari 800, monitor, a copy of the game (good luck finding it for less than $200) and four joysticks.

This is, clearly, absurd. Now don’t get me wrong; there are lost films and inaccessible films. But Mule is out there, and in the history of games it’s at least as important as The Red Shoes is to cinema. But you have to be extremely dedicated to play it--and worse, if you don’t need to be (for example, you pass an Atari 800 in a “VIDEOGAMES!!!” exhibition at a museum) it will be completely impossible to grasp.

So anyway, that sucks, because if you’re a student of games and their history you should play Mule, and not just because it’s honestly still pretty fun. Because it’s passed into this position that people only talk of it from the second or third hand--often to pay tribute to the pioneering Dani Bunten Berry--and I actually feel a bit sad about that. We pay tribute to those who came before us by playing their work, not just talking about it.

[“OK, now start the criticising”--Ed.]

How dare you… ahhh you got me. I think MULE is super cool but here’s the thing that happens after you put in all that work: you go “mannnn this is olddddd” because MULE is old, and “80s personal computer” harsh. It’s at its heart almost a board game, but it’s slathered in early “we haven’t quite worked all this out” design decisions that sorta made sense at the time but also extremely don’t now.

It’s played like this: you and up to three other players (though it’s always played with four) are settling a planet; each round you have to select a plot of land (from plains, mountains or river) and then select a mule, equip it to either mine ore, collect energy or farm food, which it can do on any plot (well, you can’t mine on river tiles) but gain the most benefit from doing so on the equivalent tile. After everyone has done so, a random event happens (a solar storm makes more energy production, for example) each commodity is consumed by your community and the surplus is traded: either to or from other players or to or from the town store. And then the next round happens (oh, and sometimes you can buy plots of land at auction, not just take them when given.)

It’s actually pretty graspable, but the quirk is the law of supply and demand. With particular lands (and land placement) you can create massive surpluses of certain goods, and you can also choose to ignore some goods even though your community needs them. “I’ll make so much money selling this ore” you think, “that I’ll be able to buy as much food as I need.”

Trading happens in a format that must have inspired the negotiations in Theme Park (“Ah yes, I know exactly the mini-game”--every reader, who is as decrepit as me) where you walk your characters down or up the screen to meet at a value, with the quirk that if the store doesn’t have any of a good to sell you the sellers can walk back infinitely (well, within the set time limit) to bleed you dry. (And the computers will do this…) BUT--if they do this, they’re in danger of the colony getting a bad score at the end of the game! So it’s all about the balance of winning (individually) without losing (as a collective). Man sounds like those clowns in congress should play some MULE, am I right???

So far so good, right? The problem is it’s the early 80s, so all of this is done with a one-button stick where you have to control your character and make them walk into the mule pen and then walk out with the mule and then walk into the outfitter and then walk to your plot and then the timer runs out because you didn’t make enough food, or because moving your character is janky as hell. And selecting your plot of land? Oh that’s a reaction test as a cursor moves along the screen (faster on the higher difficulties) meaning the PC is gonna screw you out of half your lands (and mis-timing is going to screw you out of the other half.) And because there’s not that much space on the screen, actually fully understanding supply and demand in context… isn’t going to totally happen. You need to remember how much of a good you need to buy to not be in shortage. How the shop price affects things and changes is… obscure.

Which is not even to raise the nadir of MULE: random “punishment” events. Yep, this was designed well before balancing was really a thing, and they had the best intentions at heart, but “lift up the low boats” wasn’t a thing-- “smash the high ones with a tsunami” was. It’s a bummer because it doesn’t really work. It’s super clever to make the winning players play first (so it’s easier for the worse off to strategise) but some players can get into such a commanding position that losing some money here or there isn’t that bad. And instead, things tend to happen like you scrimping and saving, finally getting your engine up and running, lots of ore coming in… and a pirate ship shows up, takes all your ore on a turn when the players ahead of you all switched to energy and food, and now you’re stuck with nothing to sell and no way to afford the energy or food you need to keep your plots going. It is the dogshit worst.

That said, while MULE has the capability to cause (and must have caused) Monopoly-esque meltdowns, the game is still dang fun if you can get into the mindset. The AI is hilariously vindictive--I love that it will screw you on land auctions if you try and force the price up to screw them (it’s all about timing when to walk backwards…) and that they’ll be extremely selective as to when to buy from you, even if it hurts them (I’d swear it knows it doesn’t need food towards the end of the game…) and if you save-scum away only the bullshit punishments or mis-clicks (be generous; it’s 2021) the core here is so dang solid--and it only really makes sense as a video game, because I’ll be fucked if I’m calculating the new cost of mules based on the previous trading period using a table in a board game manual or something.

Is it a classic I’ll return to again and again? No, not really. Is it something that any student of video games should play once, twice, three times at least? Of course, and if there’s anything you take from this it’s criminal that they probably won’t.

Will I ever play it again? I am desperate to play this on tournament mode with three other experienced (but not too experienced) players IRL. No joke desperate. I think there some of my issues (the misclicks; the punishments) stop becoming as massive an issue when you’re playing with more than two people...

Final Thought: Shout out to TreyM for their classic CRT overlays! This kind of thing really doesn’t feel right without them--and they’ll continue to help me experience things “in context” as much as I can when I get to the likes of Rescue on Fractalus... Support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi, either via a one-off donation (pay what you like) or by joining as a supporter at just $1 a month.

[izzybizzylize]

I was bored

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Ahaha it’s syd soo a little weird but like probably drunk reasons 

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Tbh I barely remember the last person I kissed. I think it was Luke’s friend haha so nothing 

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depends what kind ... weed is fine 

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Nah exactly 6 

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

DRUNK lols 

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

eh not really I mean it takes two people to mess up a relationship for the most part 

7. What does your last received text say?

Dang it 

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Uhhhh once before last weekend 

9. Where was your last kiss at?

....my bed oops 

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

Spring breakk 

11. What do you drink in the morning?

coffee and water 

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my comfy ass bed 

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

Can be but they don;t have to be 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Ummmm nah not really 

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

What is up with so many kissing questions but nah he was a cool guy 

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunnyyyyy but I like to fall asleep to rain 

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

AHAHA yeah a boy 

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

leggingssss 

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Maybe ? Hopefully I’ll have a real ex boyfriend by then haha 

20. Does anyone like you?

I think they like the idea of me 

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Probably ... yeah haha shelly but I’m sure many frat boys were named Sam or something 

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Nah 

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

I guess no one comes to mind right away tho 

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Eh not really 

25. In the past week have you cried?

nahhh 

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

omg it looked like a lab but it was smaller and fatter ahaha 

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

outttt 

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Maybe? I think so or at least I believed them if they said they were 

29. Do you think you’re old?

eh kinda but not really 

30. Do you like text messaging?

sometimes 

31. What type of day are you having?

Normal sunday sooo lazy and filled with schoolwork I should be doing haha 

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

yeahhh 

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

WARM OBVIOUSLY 

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

yeah like my brother haha but friend wise I guess maybe one or two 

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

Both haha 

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

A bit of both I guess 

37. What song are you listening to?

Nothing but I need to listen to Jermaine Cole 

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Most of the time  39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

uh my sister but even then everyone has their own thoughts and such  40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

haha there’s no one really I like except that beautiful man at the gym with green eyes haha  41. When did you last receive a text message?

Today  42. What is wrong with you right now?

I ate too much haha and I’m broke  43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

We’re Bff’s  44. Does anyone disgust you?

Um probably Donald Trump haha and Rapists  45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

Nah but give it some time then ya 46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Content chillin chillin 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

Kirstennn  48. What color shirt are you wearing?

White  49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

nah  50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

no I don’t really give up on anyone tbh  51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

AHAHAA um .... no just confused 

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

mmmm not really  53. Do you like rain?

Yessir! 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Nope as long as it’s not an addiction  55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Prob  56. Do you like to cuddle?

Hell yeahhhh  57. Are you shy?

Can be  58. Do you get along with girls?

Yaaa I think so!  59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

No haha  60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone which is kind of annoying tbh  61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

Not alone haha  62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

Yeah ... have I .... ahah no  63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

NA I’M A LONELY BITCH  64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

Yeah that’s pretty cute tbh  65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

Probably I can’t remember tho .. probably something my students said  

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

ummmmm like 21-23

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

Id rather get them done haha I’m so bad at doing my own  68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

uhhhh leopard I guess  69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

Nah I need to put a Dewey Beach one on tho  70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? 

Old lil wayne haha     71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?   

iPhone   72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? 

Ummm maybe last year ? or during camp this summer     73. Do you like diet soda?    

It’s okay like diet coke and rum is good haha  74. What color are the walls in your room?  

White my old room I used to have pink and turquoise haha    75. Are you 16 or older?    

Yeah  76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?  

Nah   77. Do you have a job?    

About to start a summer one and babysitting if that counts haha    78. What are your initials?    

E.V.B 79. Did you ever have braces?   

Yeah my teeth were fucked up   80. Are you from the south?    

Nope 

81. What does your last status on facebook say?   

I haven’t made a status in like a year ... I have no idea I’m just there for the memes tbh  82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

A little bit 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?   

Daddddd   84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

Both but only a gymnastics camp so idk if that counts haha  85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

uhhhh I think it was in the summer I think it was Aloha  86. Do you smoke?    

Not usually but I will every now and then I want to get high soon haha  87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

Depends on the day ... wedges lol it’s the best of both  88. Is your phone touch screen?   

Yah   89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? 

Straightish      90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?   

Not really   91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?  

Depends! All three haha    92. Have you ever made out in a car? 

Yeahhhhhh mannnn     93. …Had sex in a car?     Yes. But not in a while. I actually quite like it haha  94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

Singleeeee  95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

Being drunk at grottos  96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?  

Summer July 4th    97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

It’s okay could be clearer  98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

Yeahhh like all my relationships  99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

Not really. I’ve been like super tired and drinking made it worse haha  100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?   

Nah people I don’t really care about yes but not hate   101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

ahaha yes  102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

ALL but We R who We R is a must  103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

Not really .... I need to get tanner haha  104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  

Yes! Halloween, country concert, etc...