#man.... I've been reading it for almost 10 years now... I guess I started in 2015? damn... it was so long ago

[wrathyforest]

It was an amazing journey! Thank you, Horikoshi Kohei! QWQ

[genderqueerdykes]

I (21 AFAB) honestly feel like my femininity is more like transfemininity than cisfemininity. I'm autistic and intersex(ish? I've got hypoestrogenism) and spent a lot of my life (10 to 20) identifying as transmasculine. I've had top surgery and I was on testosterone around 3 years. I was cis male passing at 14 and 15, and again at 19 through...uhh... now sorta. I still pass as a young man (although people might think I'm a trans boymoder) if I speak in "guy" voice. I'm seen as female enough to not have any issues in women's restrooms since I started using them, but I stay quiet and use the men's room if I look too masc. I identify I guess as a girl, but not as a cisgender one, and not in the way that a binary woman would call herself one. I also identify as androgynous (or an androgyne). I'm submitting this ask sort of hoping that it makes sense how I feel connected to transfemininity and not cisfemininity. I'm also wondering if anyone else feels the same?

heya! that's actually almost exactly my experience, and many other peoples'. i've been wanting to explain this for a really long time so i hope this will make sense

often times when someone afab or transmasculine transitions and either pauses or stays on a lowish dose of T, our genders get garbled in the eyes of strangers. i don't know how to say it any other way than: often times when trans people who have taken testosterone for long enough have gotten deep voices, 'masc' faces, facial hair, etc. are dressed in a feminine way they will get read as a transfeminine person. like this is an extremely common phenomenon

we instantly become fags and "those type of girls". like it really doesn't take much for queerphobes to perk up. a little 'gay/tranny voice'. a little too limp wristed. when they see strong jaws, Adam's apples, strong cheekbones, and long hair they assume MtF. if the trans person is packing or had phallo things can escalate further, especially if they have breasts.

it's poetic and a bit silly but sometimes people's experiences are so deviated from the standard definition of "man" "male" "female" "woman" that they have to, in a way, transition into that identity for the first time. a lot of intersex people, poc, gender non conforming, people, gay folks, non binary people, lesbians and butches have gotten heavily misgendered as children. sometimes you just were not allowed to be that gender you were assigned at first and it's okay if you feel you're transitioning into that, especially given where you're coming from and where you're headed

i identify as transfemme for many reasons, but this is one of them. i was NOT allowed to be a girl as a child. i was deemed too masc. my nose was too big. my hooded eyes were too masc. i didn't wear flowery or feminine clothing. i acted like a boy. i had a very shitty haircut because my hair was causing me dysphoria. my mom kept calling me butch and a bulldyke. nobody saw me as a girl. i never was one until i transitioned into womanhood as an adult. there i found out i love being a butch woman- but i've had to fight for it.

i also use androgynous and androgyne :)

it's okay if you feel like youre headed on that path. i have met so many people who fall under this umbrella of experiences. many people use transfemasc or transmascfem, some people just call themselves whatever. folks who feel the same feel free to share input. thanks for stopping by, let us know if you need anything else

[ell-arts]

Out of curiosity, when/where did you first learn to animate? What inspires you to make your animations?

(I'm partly asking this because the urge to animate hit me like a truck once I really got into PMATGA, lmao. I've only ever made around 3-4 small ones over the span of several months)

Good question! Long answer! :'D

I've been dreaming of being an animator since I was young, because my elder sister studied animation and that's where I learned more about it. She gave me her copy of The Animator's Survival Kit from Richard Williams after she finished studying, and I've kept it with me ever since. Mind you, I never finished it, because distractions happened XD But I've read the first bunch of pages and started getting a fletchling idea of how animation worked. This was when I was around 10-14 years old. My favourite movies were almost exclusively Disney or Dreamworks classics, and my love for them grew as I grew older. I keenly observed their animations and analyzed what it was that them so appealing, long before I actually learned how to animate properly. Through observing what made those animations so appealing and life-like, I've built up references in my mind as a benchmark as to how animation is supposed to look. So when the time came to learn animation properly, I've already had a headstart thanks to observation, which sped up my learning quite a bit.

Now, let me tell you about a man named Aaron Blaise.

To say that Aaron Blaise is an animation legend would be an understatement.

He was the co-director of Brother Bear. He worked on various Disney movies that shaped our childhoods. He animated young Nala from The Lion King, Raja from Aladdin, and he also worked on Beauty and the Beast, Mulan, Pocahontas, and the Rescuers Down Under. He left Disney in 2007, but in 2012 he teamed up with a friend and decided to start CreatureArtTeacher, a website where he shares everything that he's learned, whether that be animation from his time at Disney or just art in general. He brings aboard many other professionals in the same field and beyond, where courses are offered at the most affordable prices. Often, he'll also offer lessons on various art subjects on his YouTube for free, and he livestreams frequently!

It's thanks to these lessons that I've learned more about animation. While I didn't practice often, I did start taking my first steps into doing animation, spurred on by inspiration from Aaron's videos. This was around age 16-18. Unfortunately, I can't track down my first ever animation I've made. But I did make this sometime before turning 20;

Yes, that's a BG shot from pmatga XD

So going into my twenties, I knew enough about animation to make small little snippets such as the one above, but I wasn't yet at the point where I'd consider myself an educated animator. And here's the thing; when I went to university, I studied Visual Communication & Design, which mostly focused on graphic design. In that course, we did do a little bit of animation, but it was nothing I've already known, and it was mostly cut-out animation where you control it like a puppet in After Effects. What I really wanted to do was dive deeper into traditional 2D cell animation, but we had to preferably work in 2D cut-out animation to save time. It was a cool learning experience, but also a bit frustrating because I prefer the traditional frame-by-frame method. Alas, that would take too long, and my uni projects ran on a 2-week basis (a new project every two weeks), so I couldn't push to improve my animation skills in the direction that I wanted to. I still learned quite a bit tho, and got valuable experience with different programs, so I guess the time I got a taste of animation education was around the age of 22.

But then came 2024, age 24, when I got hired as a storyboard artist at my current job. Thanks to the company's help in giving their workers the space to learn new things, I finally tackled animation in earnest. I brought out the good ol' The Animator's Survival Kit and Aaron Blaise's courses and taught myself as much as I could, along with the support and guidance of the studio. Needless to say, sometime afterwards I could make the Rubber Pac animation I did here.

So yeah! It was a combination of things. Both my sister's influence and the influence of animated movies from a young age, Aaron Blaise's courses, university, and real-time work experience are what taught me animation <3

As for what inspires my animations, it mostly comes down to music tbh. I can always conjure a scene in my head along with whatever music is playing. Other than that, it's the desire to give life to something in an intrinsically human way, especially as art. I've always felt closest to God as an artist 💙

Told ya it was a long answer xD But hey, twas a fun answer! >:D

[taruchinator]

🌳 Teen Audiences

🌳 2k Words

🌳 Day 10 | Gravestone for @flufftober!

“Pete, you really don't have to do this.”

“Yes, I do. Just humor me a bit...”

It was a sunny day in Harlem; a stark contrast to the place Peter Parker and Mila Morales were currently at: Manhattan’s local cemetery.

About to ask for Jefferson Davis' blessing to marry his daughter.

So here we are 👏 delving into another one of my fandom obsessions that lay dormant ever since the release of the first game: Petemai (aka Peter/Miles)!

I've always been a sucker for the mentor/mentee relationships, so this one immediately stood out to me when playing the games.

Enjoy! 💖

“Pete, you really don't have to do this.”

“Yes, I do. Just humor me a bit...”

It was a sunny day in Harlem; a stark contrast to the place Peter Parker and Mila Morales were currently at: Manhattan’s local cemetery.

The brunet could feel a familiar unease in the pit of his stomach that spread to his arms and fingertips, making him begin to shake from nerves as he stood in front of a slab of stone that was so important, not just to himself, but mostly to the woman standing beside him.

‘Jefferson Davis’—it read in bold letters. ‘A hero, a father, a husband.’

Peter never got the privilege of meeting the man outside the suit. He would only hear stories from Mila and her mother, saying how brave and kind and loving he was. Still, with how much his girlfriend talked about him, it almost felt like he knew him well enough at this point.

“She's your fiancée now, Parker…” Peter had to mentally correct himself as he turned to look at his companion.

Mila Morales stood in all her glory—short curly hair held in place by bobby pins, a red hoodie Peter bought her when they'd gone shopping after patrol one day, denim shorts and black leggings with red matching Jordans.

But most importantly of all, a simple silver band with a small diamond resting on her ring finger.

It belonged to Aunt May. She'd given it to him back when he and MJ were still dating, a sign of her blessing and also a gift that saved his wallet from having to buy one himself. If she knew who the ring's new owner was though, she'd still be proud.

“Peter?” Mila's soft voice broke the brunet from his trance, snapping his attention back from her hand to her face, scrunched in concern. “You okay? You're shaking.”

Peter couldn't hold back the smile that spread across his face. She was so good to him. He'd never get over that fact. While trying to steady his hands, he reached for Mila's and intertwined their fingers with a firm squeeze. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Guess this is harder than I thought, haha…”

If anyone had told him a year ago that he'd be standing here today, he wouldn't have believed them.

After everything that happened with MJ, Peter learned that balancing the life of a superhero while trying to maintain a healthy relationship was near impossible. The two of them had come to that conclusion together after years of trying to make it work, and despite walking away with no hard feelings, the brunet couldn't help the feeling of hopelessness that was left in his chest.

The harsh reality that he'd never be able to have a romantic relationship was just another burden he had to add to the pile. Things he had to give up with the responsibility of the Spider-Man title.

That was until Mila Morales showed up and turned his world upside down.

After getting over the initial shock of having another spider person who could relate to stuff he couldn't share with his friends, Peter was more than happy to have the young girl under his wing—it wasn't until months passed that he started to notice some… odd behavior on his part when it came to Mila.

Peter could be having the worst day ever—job searching failures, villains escaping, Jonah not knowing when to shut his trap unless Peter glued it shut with his webs—no matter what had him fuming, Mila was always able to get him to smile.

It could be something as simple as her and Ganke programing a new gadget for him to try, her finally getting an A+ in Spanish because if not ‘mi mamá me va a matar esta vez, ¡te lo aseguro!’, or just a dumb joke that didn't make any sense but still had Peter holding his sides and wiping tears in the middle of their patrol.

He'd just be in an overall better mood when around her.

He'd also talk about her without even realizing it. A lot.

“Pete, I get it. You're proud of your girlfriend's progress! But I don't need a day by day update, kay?” Harry had said once when they were chilling at his apartment and Peter was talking about the Holo-Training he'd prepped for Mila.

“Peter, you're just a phone call away. With everything you tell me, Mila can handle a week on her own.” MJ said when Peter voiced his concerns about leaving the girl to look after the city.

And so, the comments started evolving from simple pointers to straight out teasing within a matter of weeks. Harry and MJ wouldn't give him a break whenever it came to Mila, and it was starting to get on his nerves.

But it also got him thinking about her.

About how brave, selfless, caring, and funny she was.

He'd compliment her more often, making sure that she knew just how amazing she was. There was nothing wrong with friends telling each other how smart they were. How creative. Heck, so what if he said she looked beautiful one day after taking off her mask on the rooftop to call it a night—with the moonlight framing her in a way that could only be described as ethereal?

Friends could acknowledge if the other was attractive! Right?

It didn't take long for Peter to analyze the facts and come to the conclusion he was dreading.

He was developing feelings for Mila Morales.

And the thought of that terrified him.

Setting aside the age gap between them (that was a whole separate can of worms he was not prepared to deal with), there were his previous romantic experiences which left him in a bad place. One where he didn't think he was worthy of love and that he only caused suffering to those he cared about.

Friendships were the only thing he allowed himself to hold onto, and even those were always at arm's length. He couldn't bear the idea of losing Mila as a friend, let alone hurting her in any way.

So, he kept everything bottled up in hopes that it was just a silly little crush that would go away on its own.

Only for Spider-Woman to beat him to the punch.

While fighting when possessed by the Venom entity, Mila said and did everything she could to get Peter to snap out of it and fight back. Including revealing her true feelings for him.

Despite wanting to brush it off as a spur of the moment deal, she told him again a week after the incident, clearing the air of any doubt that she hadn't meant it.

And despite wanting to deny her and claim that he didn't feel the same, Mila knew better. She noticed something was off and pressed the issue, stating that she didn't mind being let down, but only if it was genuine and not for ‘her sake’ somehow.

That was more than enough for the dam to break inside him.

Peter explained his concerns, his fears, his insecurities—he opened himself up and laid bare for the other to see. And all she did was listen and comfort him the best she could.

No judgment.

“I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you!” The brunet was holding back tears while Mila placed a hand on his cheek in a soft and comforting manner.

After swallowing a lump in her throat, the teen looked him in the eye and allowed the tiniest of smiles to grace her lips. “Don't you think that's for me to decide?”

And so that night, they shared their first kiss on top of the Empire State Building, with unspoken promises being exchanged between their lips.

Once they started officially dating, Peter was determined to set ground rules.

First, he needed to get Rio's blessing.

An awkward conversation was had at the Morales household in which Peter kept saying essentially the same things over and over, fumbling like an idiot, only for Rio to stop him and say that she already considered him part of the family anyways. He was let go with a hug and threat of keeping her daughter safe.

Second, no intimacy until Mila turned eighteen.

There would be the occasional kiss on the cheek, hand holding and cuddling while watching movies, but anything more heated than that was a strict no-no in Peter's book. Despite how many times his girlfriend did her best to seduce him, causing Spider-Man to have to flee his own apartment on more than one occasion.

And the third one was a secret kept to himself until recently—ask for Jefferson Davis’ blessing as soon as he proposed.

It was entirely unnecessary, and at this point, rather irrelevant to be asking that question, but Peter couldn't help it if he was old fashioned that way.

Staring at the gravestone that marked the resting place of his future father-in-law, he took a deep breath through his nose and out his mouth. Mila squeezed his hand too, showing her support in the only way she could.

“Good evening, Mr. Davis…” Peter managed the sentence without stuttering, which was a win on his book. “I'm sorry to be bothering you today, but there's something important I need to tell you. It's… about your daughter.”

He turned to look at Mila, and she smiled in return, as if to say he was doing a good job. Peter nodded and gulped as he kept going. “A-As I've told you before, Mila and I have been dating for a few months now. She brings me happiness like no one else, and it wouldn't be an exaggeration when I say she's been my lifeline on more than one occasion.”

Bringing their joined hands forward, the brunet extended the young woman's in a way that showed off her ring. It gleamed under the rays of sunlight peeking through the trees and that caused Peter to let out a breathy chuckle. It was real. “Which is why I've asked her to marry me.”

“I'm engaged, daddy…” Mila spoke to her father for the first time since they got there. Her dimples showed clearly with the way she was grinning from ear to ear. “Guess you and mama can't stop betting on Ganke and I, haha…”

Peter laughed along with her, and the unease began to dissipate. Still, his gaze remained on the stone in front of him, keeping him grounded and reminding him of why he was here in the first place. “I… I really wish I could've asked for your blessing in person, sir. Mila and her mother speak the world of you, and with good reason! I also wish… I could apologize properly.”

The image of the bombing caused by the Inner Demons flashed in Peter's mind. The day Jefferson Davis lost his life while trying to protect the people Spider-Man was responsible for—the day he met Mila under the worst circumstances; by not saving her father.

And even though his lover had forgiven him for that ages ago, Peter would carry it with him along with the tragedies that befell anyone who was involved with Spidey.

Regaining his composure, Peter cleared his throat and let himself continue with his speech. “I know I couldn't save you that day… but I swear to you, on my life, that I will make your daughter happy and always keep her safe. Not like she needs it, I'm sure you know how stubborn she can be.”

Spider-Woman lightly shoved him with a roll of her eyes, bringing a smirk to Peter's lips.

At that moment, a light breeze swept by the duo, rustling the leaves of the late autumn season. The brunet stared wide eyed as a leaf placed itself on top of Mr. Davis’ grave, almost perfectly in front of them both.

Mila must have thought the same thing as he did because she leaned upwards to place a kiss on her fiancé's cheek. “Looks like you got your blessing.”

“You think?” Peter mumbled, not wanting to break the quiet stillness around them.

“I know.” A gentle smile then replaced either a mischievous grin. “Even if he might be a bit upset I ended up with a basic white guy.”

Peter allowed himself to chuckle at that, pulling the girl next to him close in a hug. The warmth that radiated from her body was nothing short of calming, and it reminded him of home. In a strange way, she was his new home. “You think if he knew I was Spider-Man I'd score some coolness points?”

“Maybe. Though that would entail he didn't know I was Spider-Woman. Which to be honest makes me like, ten times cooler.”

As the duo left the cemetery hand-in-hand, Peter knew that the future he was heading into was filled with uncertainty. But with his partner in crime standing by his side through it all, he knew it would make it a little bit easier.

After all, who was Spider-Man without Spider-Woman?

[meret118]

2023 Review

This has been the worst year in my life. (Long post.)

Nicholas died in February. I thought he was just constipated, but he was 20 years old and my vet insisted I take him to the emergency clinic. I didn't like the place even then. They have all this fancy equipment, and they overcharge and overtest to pay for it. They insisted he stay overnight, which I didn't want, and wouldn't let me say goodbye to him. They called later to say I was right. They'd given him an enema, but wanted to watch him overnight. I should have gone to get him then. They called at 2 AM to tell me he'd died.

He started living under my car and following me around shortly after I moved into my apartment. He had horrible health problems, including stomatitis which made his breath and saliva smell horrible. I think that's why his previous people abandoned him. The idea of him dying alone in a cage thinking I'd done the same torments me. If I'd just followed my instincts it wouldn't have happened that way. I don't think well under stress anymore. I miss him so much.

That was my winter. This past spring I almost died myself. (I'm not going into the details about what happened.) I've read the hospital notes, and my oxygen rate got so low they even called my uncle at one point to see if he wanted them to try and resuscitate me if my heart stopped. I was in the hospital for weeks, but I only remember the last 4 days or so of being there.

I ended up losing the use of my non-dominant hand from a compression injury, and have been in constant pain ever since. The muscles from mid-forearm down have wasted away. You don't realize how much you need that hand until you can't use it anymore. I've always been healthy before this, and it's been a huge adjustment. I feel like I've aged about 10 years. Crafting was one of my main hobbies, and I can't do that anymore. It takes me forever to type anything out now too. ETA: The non-stop pain has been the worst thing.

Everyone except my mother knew she's had Alzheimer's for years. (She refused to believe it.) She lost touch with reality completely while I was in the hospital. The neighbors had to call the police, and they took her to the hospital where she lives. I don't know if the stress of my being in the ICU pushed her over the edge, or if it was just a coincidence. She had already started hallucinating some before that. My father has been in assisted living for Alzheimer's since 2018, and now she is too.

Contrary to what a lot of people think assisted living is paid for completely out of pocket. Regular health insurance doesn't pay for it, nor does Medicare. It requires long term care insurance, which they don't have. It's not cheap either. Hopefully they will have enough to last as long as they need it, but it's not a sure thing. If they do spend all their money, they'll end up on Medicaid in a government funded nursing home.

Assisted living is like living in a small apartment with daily activities, and even trips. (I moved them near me into 2 really good ones. ((They don't get along.)) My father is even gaining weight, and doing so much better. I go see them once a week.) A nursing home is like living in a hospital.

My father had a good job, (upper-middle class), but was forced into early retirement at 55 due to bad-mouthing the new exec at HQ. He was used to being the (regional) boss, and never got another job. That's 10 years of income he didn't earn.

What's even worse is they made each other their POA's instead of someone younger. After my father was put in assisted living, my mother met a man at an Alzheimer's support group who conned her into allowing him access to all her accounts. Everyone told her not to do it, but he's a CPA, and she had no experience with handling the finances.

I know he had a wife with Alzheimer's because Janice met her when she helped him find an assisted living for her. So he was there for a real reason, but I guess he saw an easy mark and decided to go for it. He made sure never to be around when I was there. She and I don't get along anyway, but I think he was also poisoning her against me based on some comments she's made.

It all came to a head late last year as her Alzheimer's got worse. I found out by accident that he has been stealing from them ever since he was given access to the money. He had romanced her into doing that and leaving everything to him in the will, a new will he wrote. As well as I can figure out he told her he just wanted to be friends as soon as he got what he wanted.

I tried to get a new will written, but her Alzheimer's was too bad at that point, and lawyers refused. My uncle saw a lawyer earlier this year, and he said we're screwed. When she dies the guy gets everything, even if my father is still alive. She's a narcissist who has ruined my life over and over ever since I was born. Now she's going to ruin things after death too.

I'm having to go through their 3 story house crammed with decades of things to get it ready to be sold. The basement is so full you can barely walk through it. I'm single, with no kids or siblings so it's just been me.

At the moment I'm pretty sure I finally have COVID. I have to stay isolated since I was exposed over christmas anyway, so I don't see the point of getting tested right now to find out for certain. I'm fully vaccinated, and my symptoms are very mild. My fear is of developing long covid.

[esssteee]

Thanks for the tag @yletylyf <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 13

2. What's your total A03 words count? 351,919

3. What fandoms do you write for? grishaverse and castlevania. i'm still a baby writer, having started actively contributing to fandom works not quite 2 years ago.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we are the wild youth chasing visions of the future (gv, aleksander/alina), young liars (gv, aleksander/nikolai), with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai), winding and unwinding (gv, aleksander/nikolai), i will eat you alive (gv, aleksander/nikolai)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yep, almost all! if i receive several in a row, chapter after chapter and by the same person, than i will more likely just respond to the last one, but i do like giving an answer to any feedback and show of love i get!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

um, good question. i don't think I've written a true angsty ending. i have several open/ambiguous endings, but the ending for me and the devil (gv, aleksander/alina) is the most ambiguous of the bunch just because it can be interpreted as alina just going stir-crazy from being alone and forgotten for so long and imagining aleksander by her side and staying with her, so it can be angsty if you take it that way.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) cause they end up pseudo married and ruling together (yay!)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! too small a fandom writer for that and i'm ever thankful for it!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

me? smut??? XD just look at the rating for each fic and the associated tags, i guess i do love developping characters through the very intimate act of them falling in bed together. no real kinky sex or anything, but there's often lots of hidden (and not so hidden) feelings behind the act. most smut i've written can be considered rough and/or passionate, since there's a kind of desperation born out of the characters thinking they only have that one single time to be with the other so they're giving their all. i do love exploring the vulnerabilities that come from that for sure!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no i haven't. it's never really been my fav thing, but if done well, it'd read one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so, not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i had someone asking to translate one, yes.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

that i've written? aleksander/nikolai in gv for sure, aleksander/alina a close second. but as a reader, i just love love love the perfect OT3 that is alucard/trevor/sypha from castlevania (if you haven't read baba by crownofpins, GO READ IT NOW)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

none, i'm just terribly slow right now. life is throwing a ton of shit at me (dog being very sick, work is horrible, energy at the lowest point), but i keep daydreaming about each fic and slowly coming up with future parts in my head if not on paper.

16. What are your writing strengths?

ah man i don't know, getting into the character's head for which i'm writing the pov from, making their thoughts and feelings just as important as anything going on. i guess because of that i strongly favour inner conflict storylines.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

too wordy. also pantsing my way thru a fic instead of really sitting down and coming up with a plan ― we are the wild youth chasing visions of our future really forced me to come up with a strong plan, which i never would have been able to do without @theonewiththeory's immense help, girl i never would have been able to achieve what i did without you!! it is my first fic in english, the first one i wrote as an adult, and it shows, but i'm still proud of it! but i definitively continue to struggle with planning and too often i fall into the bad habit of vibing along with it. also, big external-conflict plotting is a hard thing for me, tho i wish i could become better at it since it's always so fun as a reader and i'm always impressed by writers who pull an intricate plot so flawlessly!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm not a fan of it. so often the other language is plain up butchered, and there are ways to do it without having to juggle the hassle of writing a dialogue in another language and needing to translate it so the reader knows what's going on. but as all things, they are exceptions to the rule and anything can be done well!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh man the lord of the rings (with a very mary sue oc even! but i remember having such self-indulging fun with that oc and all the research needed to flesh the story out) and the legend of zelda/ocarina of time (at least i went with link for my mc in this one!)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

when i was 12, i started a complete rewrite of ocarina of time which i of course never posted online. it was in french and i was only doing it for fun. but i still have one version of it and oh boy is it cringe-worthy XD big fail, i read that question as the first fic written ― my brain is really elsewhere these days. my fav fic is definitively with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) which became a comfort reread when i need to feel better by reading about familiar and intimate characters. the whole series (of monsters and men) is something i'm really proud of, even with its faults and misgivings, but that third and final part has left me with the biggest impact personally.

Tagging: i'll tag a few people (no pressure, it's only if you want of course!), but anyone else who see this and wanna do it too, have fun with it (and tag me! i wanna read about people <3)

@theonewiththeory, @ladyverdance/@greensaplinggrace, @inahandful-of-dust, @aloveforjaneausten, @fantomette22, @goatsandgangsters, @zizygy, @itsnotunfinisheditsmystyle

[futuremrshoran09]

Catfished

Pt 2 : It was you all along?

I fiddled with my thigh high boots while holding the phone up to my ear, "i don't know what I'm thinking Mel, i just know that whether he shows up or not i have front row seats to see Niall Horan and I'm taking this opportunity whether i end up kidnapped later or not" my best friend sighed on the other end of the phone. "you stress me out, make sure your location is always on okay?" "yeah yeah i mumbled" cursing myself for wearing these stupid boots. I wasn't much for getting dressed up but tonight i actually put some thought into my outfit. A short black mini skirt white tank oversized leather jacket and black thigh high boots. I stood in line waiting to get my ticket scanned nervously looing around for Adams dark hair and green eyes. i texted "where are you I'm almost at the front of the line" nothing. This has got to be a fucking joke i think to myself. Then anxiety took over my mind, what if Adams really a weirdo and he snatches me up after the concert, what if the tickets are fake or stolen and i go to jail, what if he shows us and... my anxious thoughts were cut off by the big guy in the security hat yelling "next" at me. "I guess I'm about to find out if these are real or not" i muttered to myself.  He scanned the ticket and looked at his screen for a second. "to your left all the way down to the first row" no fucking shit the tickets were real, so if the tickets were real did that mean Adam was too?

My phone finally buzzed with a response, "running late love, be there soon, oh and have that kiss ready for me" i couldn't help but smile at his message. But now i was getting nervous, Adam was really coming... would i really have to kiss him? i mean not that i would mind, he was cute and we have been flirting for a few weeks but like what if i didn't like him in person. I walked up to the bar "long island" i asked the bartender "make it a double please" $22 fucking dollars for a drink i muttered, i fucking hate New York. I made my way down to my row, all the way to the front. i couldn't help from fangirling internally, the idol I've had a crush on for like 10 years would be right there, right in front of me in just a few minutes. at this point i didn't even care if Adam showed up in a few minutes Niall fucking Horan would be a few feet away from me singing like the angelic Irishman he is. I texted Adam again " 5 min to show time where are you :(" no response. i take a sip from my drink quickly remembering why i stopped ordering doubles as my chest started to burn. The lights dimmed and the intro to "meltdown" slowly started playing. "NEW YORK CITY HOW ARE WE TONIGHT" a loud Irish voice yelled. i could literally feel my heart start to race as THE Niall Horan walked on stage. "Fuck me i think I'm gonna faint" i said to myself.

I smiled looking up at Niall singing his little heart away, but still no Adam. At moments it felt like Niall was pointing, looking, or smiling right at me i was literally living out my teenage dream. "slow hands" started and i freaked, i didn't expect to hear this song so soon into the concert. I watched as Niall jumped from the stage onto the floor everyone freaked but my phone buzzed. "I'm here love" it read .i looked down at my phone and around, looking to see who was walking towards me. I didn't even notice Niall directly in front of me singing straight at me, a grin across his face. i could feel myself blush, as i stared at him, i was directly in front of the man who i fangirled over for year. Niall's hand reached out grabbing mine interlocking his calloused hands within mine but not for a second did he stop singing or looking at me and not for a second did the smirk leave his face. I watched as he almost laughed at me, he took out his phone and did god knows what i was too busy taking it all in, his eyes, his voice, that smile, i felt like i was 15 again. At that same time my phone began to buzz, "Adam" it rang i answered the call finally breaking my gaze away from from Niall "hello" i said looking looking around. it wasn't until i looked back up at Niall that i understood. in front of me he stood with his phone facing me a big grin on his face "priscilla" the called ID on his phone read. My phone dropped to the floor.. i didn't understand Adam was Niall?? Niall was Adam?? The Niall Horan Niall gave me a little wink before running back around and up onto the stage. I didn't know what to think, i mean should i be mad? i had a gut feeling that the person i was talking to wasn't really Adam but for that person to be fucking Niall Horan was a whole other thing. I mean was it him the whole time? Was this some kind of prank? my thoughts were interrupted by a tall man dressed in black signaling me to follow him, i looked up to see Niall shaking his head yes, telling me to follow the man. i frantically looked around the floor for my phone, fuck me i thought hoping nobody had snatched it up, after a few seconds i found it underneath the seat next to me. i stuffed it into my purse and started exiting the row following the strange man. i stood at the edge of the row and watched as he opened the gate signaling for me to walk through. "what the actual fuck is going on right now" i thought to myself as i walked up the stairs. back stage was full of random people running around doing various tasks some yelling others untangling wires and some looking through a rack of clothes. "OUTFIT CHANGE READY UP PEOPLE" a lady with a short pixie cut yelled. "excuse me" i say signaling her "why am i here?"" I'm sorry what?" she asked "are you not supposed to be here are you a fan?" " Oh no she's supposed to be here" i heard a  deep accented voice say behind me. I turn around and was met with brown hair blue eyes and a smile that could turn a nun into a hooker. "Holy fucking shit" was the only thing that came out of my mouth. 

Niall was immediately bombarded with 2 women holding clothes up to him trying to decide between two outfits for the other half of the show." You're Niall fucking Horan" i said," and you're priscilla" he smirked. "How the fuck do you know my name", at this point i was full on anxious and i began to pace back and forth. I turned back to face him "are you fucking Adam" i almost yelled. i watched as his smile faded a bit, "yes I'm Adam" he said " BUT i promise i have a good explanation for this i swear."  Without even thinking my arm flew across hitting him right on the shoulder," a good explanation for what ?! catfishing me !" " i didn't mean to" he said as he pulled a new white tank on," i swear." i crossed my arms and looked straight into his eyes, i wanted him to know that i could see right through his shit. "back on in 30 seconds" someone yelled in the back. Niall grabbed his guitar and looked back at me, "listen i know this might all seem fucked but stay, just stay okay? just let me explain everything. please". between the way his blue eyes twinkled at me and the sincerity in his voice i couldn't help but fold. "UGHHH fine!" i yelled.  a smiled crept up on his face and as he turned around and started walking away. i yelled after him "you're explaining this over a bottle of tequila" he turned to face me walking backwards to the stage with that big ol goofy grin he's always had and hit me with a "and you still owe me a kiss" 

[aniron48]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for the tag, @anyawen! These were so much fun!

Answers under the cut, and tagging @sweetbabyangels, @mr-iskender, @stinastar, @aprettyspy and @thestalwartheart, in case you haven't done this already and it's of interest!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 30! That number seems astonishing to me now, considering I started writing fic in earnest like a year-and-a-half ago. 😁

2. What’s your total A03 word count? 138,358

3. What fandoms do you write for? James Bond, Glass Onion/Knives Out, and I just wrote my first fic for The Old Guard fandom, which has pulled me in by the lapels and refused to let me go. And the very first fic I ever wrote was for Stardew Valley.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. A Good Man (Benoit Blanc/Phillip) 2. rain (00q) 3. open line (00q) 4. The More Loving One (00q) 5. Must Love Cats (00q)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Ok yes I definitely do and I love to *and also* I'm so sorry, I'm 288 days (yes I just checked) behind in responding to comments, because this year has been...something else. So, taking the opportunity to say that a) all of your comments are incredible bright spots for me, and b) I am working my way steadily through and enjoying your comments all over again as I re-read and respond to them.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? WELP (eyes my pile o' fics warily). If we go based off the fics with "Major Character Death" as a warning, for a certain value of angst, it's a tie between offering and and the wind at their backs. But both of these fics deal with grief, and the complicated emotions that result from the persistence of love even after the object of that love is gone, and there's some hope in that, too, I think.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? lmao most of the rest of them other than the two in number 6? 😂 this is a hard one to answer, so I'll list my RomCom-iest fics for now (Must Love Cats for 00q and in a space that they belong for The Old Guard). Special shout-out to 'tis the damn season, though, because the happiness at the end of this fic feels like some of the hardest fought, to me, and some of the tenderest I've written, I think.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No--I've gotten a few less than diplomatic comments, and a couple people making unflattering notes in bookmarks that I don't think they meant for me to see, but nothing terrible.

9. Do you write smut? ::offers you rain and for the age of the earth, and after as if I am a sommelier presenting you with some very fine wine:: "this one has notes of--" you know what I'm just going to stop there.

10. Do you write crossovers? I haven't yet!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, thank goodness (knocks on wood).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet! #goals

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Use. Your. Words., which was a collaborative poem for 007 fest 2023. 😁

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? I spent about five minutes hemming and hawing about this but you know what, it's impossible to pick. 😂

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Like Anyawen, I have aspirations of finishing all the ones hanging out in my Scrivener app...someday. Probably the one I have the most doubts about is a 5 + 1 fic where Bond tries out different activities post retirement. I still love the idea and some of the vision I had for this one, but it lives almost entirely in my head, still.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think maybe I have a good ear for language, both in terms of the rhythm of sentences and paragraphs, and for conveying a character's voice or accent. But it's hard to assess your own strengths, sometimes, so that's just my best guess!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I'm actively working on trying to be better at descriptions, especially in giving details about setting or background. I realized I give these things short shrift, sometimes, and want to change that!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I'll do it with languages I'm fluent in (and have done it with Spanish, since I'm a native speaker).

19. First fandom you wrote for? Stardew Valley, in What Dreams May Come.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? Omg, another one that is almost impossible to answer! I think I have to go with all the flags we've hung. This is one of my least popular fics--it's a rarepair, the love depicted in it is complicated (though no less real), and it deals with light topics like, you know, structural racism in the United States. As one does. But it's a fic that's incredible close to my heart, for many reasons, and I remain so proud of this one.

Phew! If you have read all of this you deserve a cupcake. 💜

xoxo, Ani

[sunshinechay]

Im glad I made you laugh, i've read the tweet like 10 times trying to dissect it. Im assuming this is a love triangle and these are their ship/their names? Info dumping is welcomed

Yes hello, I apologize for how long it took me to answer. I was spending time with friends and completely forgot this was in my inbox.

The show I’m talking about it Only Friends or Only Friends The Series (ofts for short). Which is about a group of messy gays being messy bitches who live for the drama. It’s directed by a man named Jojo Tichakorn, who is an amazing writer/director who is himself gay. It’s been compared to Queer as Folk a lot which I think is fair because it does have some similarities though there are a lot of differences too.

It is and it isn’t a love triangle. That being said, it consists of three characters

Sand my beloved doe eyed boy and resident furious bisexual™️ (also sassy and hiding pain)

Ray, the resident asshole with a heat of gold and self esteem issue self destructive alcoholic

And Mew, the only one capable of keeping a plant alive

To make a very long story short,

Mew and Ray have been friends for a long time (it is not mentioned how long) and 2 years prior to the series beginning, Mew saved Ray from dying by suicide (after Ray calls Mew to leave his suicide note). Ray has been in love with Mew since then while Mew had exactly 0 romantic interest in Ray, which Mew had made very clear to Ray more than once.

At the beginning of the series, Mew is introduced to Top while Ray meets Sand. (Side note, Top and Sand have their own history with each other that is not relevant right now but goes to the messy gays being messy). Top is Mew’s first serious relationship and a good deal of their relationship development revolves around the fact that Mew is a virgin while Top is the “top-tier” aka the Chad. Still they end up dating and falling in love and having sex, only Mew finds out that Top slept with another of his and Ray’s friends, Boston (both before the series starts and again just as Mew and Top are ending the ‘casual seeing each other’ stage of their relationship. Needless to say, Mew breaks up with Top.

Meanwhile Ray meets Sand at the beginning of the series. As stated, Ray is an alcoholic with a bucket load of self esteem and self worth issues that Sand decides to help take care of because he is just like that and also Ray is cute. The two end up forming a sex friends type relationship that is clear to everyone and the moon could very easily turn into a romantic relationship if the two would ever actually talk about their feelings, which they don’t, instead they dance (and fuck) around their growing feelings for each other until their budding relationship gets torpedoed by aforementioned friend Boston (Boston is gay and slutty and bitchy and kind of the worst and I love him so much!) when Boston reveals to Sand that Ray is in love with Mew (while also lying that Ray and Mew have hooked up in the past, which has not happened. They did kiss but that’s it and it was years prior to the start of the series).

This most recent two episodes has Mew finding out about Top and Boston having sex via a secretly recorded audio of them fucking nasty in Boston car (which was recorded by Boston friends with benefits/sex friend Nick which is it’s own can of worms. When I said this show is wild I fucking meant it). Mew ends up getting a bit of revenge against Boston by almost showing a different sex tape featuring Boston to Boston’s dad (who is also a politician). (Side note, this show is really attempting to hammer home the even horrible people don’t deserve to have bad things happening to them as yes you counted right Boston has been recorded without his consent, having sex, twice. One audio, one video. It’s creepy and gross and Boston 100% does not deserve it at all).

By the end of the most recent episode, Ray decides to shoot his shot by confessing to Mew (third times the charm I guess), despite Sand being there. Sand had been taking care of him early in the episode after Ray got into a car accident while driving drunk due to him calling out all of his friends at the end of the previous episode…at Mew’s birthday party no less. Ray has a lot of issues and one of them is that he’s a rich selfish asshole that you love anyway because his actor (Khaotung) is just that charismatic and because you have to feel for Ray because no one (but Sand) really treats him well at all. Mew accepts him this time in a very lack luster fashion that you can tell he is only doing because Mew is upset and angry and just wants to let go.

So the tweet essentially is saying that if Ray and Sand stand a chance at being any kind of couple, Ray has to get with Mew and it has to end badly because Ray needs to actively make the choice to be with Sand instead of being stuck on Mew, which Ray has already proven that he isn’t going to be able to move on any other way.

Ray and Sand as a couple have a hell of a lot more issues to work through but Ray’s love/gratitude towards Mew for saving his life is one of them. (The other being that Ray is, again, a rich asshole who needs to learn that you can’t buy everything and while Sand is poor, he has still a person who has value and is worth of respect, which Ray doesn’t give him much of because again rich selfish asshole. They are the anti Cinderella and I love it and I need Ray to learn this lesson, not because I want Ray and Sand to end up together, I’m on the fence about whether I want any of the couples in ofts to end up together all, but because no matter what it’s a lesson Ray needs to learn anyway).

…Have I mentioned it’s only episode 7 of a 12 episode series? We aren’t even close to being done. Like I said, messy gays being messy. It’s so much fun to watch this toxic af “friends” ruin lives, both their own and each others. Honestly if Top and Sand were smart, they’d be running for the fucking hills but alas, they are not smart.

The show is free to watch on YouTube if you like. It does have a fair amount of sex in it, nothing too explicit though. Jojo have talked repeatedly about how he wants it to be true to life and how it’s not really a romance but rather a drama about gays being young and messy and gay. It’s pretty fun so far and isn’t shying away from the things it wants to focus on, such as sex, addiction (both alcohol and drugs) and friendship.

In conclusion, Only Friends is messy and Ray, Sand and Mew are locked into a love triangle that none of them are even really aware exists. Mew and Ray need to happen for Ray to be able to move on, though most fans are on the fence about whether or not SandRay should end up together or not. I lean towards maybe, but only under highly specific conditions that I doubt the show will meet (which is not a knock nor shade on the show, it would be hard to do even on a drama that is dedicated to it). None of these characters are really actually good people and there is lot of drama I’m leaving out.

…Also this happens

[partly-cloudyskies]

tagged by @big-meows always happy to talk about mah storeez

How many works do you have on AO3?

29. seems like a lot, where does the time go?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

630,542 where??? time??? go??????

3. What fandoms do you write for?

lessee we got ur ducktales, ur gundam with from mercury, night in the woods, amphibia, outer wilds, xcom and deltarune. man i really forgot about that single xcom fic i wrote. i really did intend to write something in that fandom. i still might maybe idk

4. Top five fics by kudos?

There Will Be No Dancing i've always been really happy with this one. i feel like I really caught the energy of the characters. i'm glad people seemed to catch that energy y'know

Hypothesis i wrote this almost immediately after deltarune came out i think it was like the 2nd one with that pairing and i always kind of felt like it got kudos mostly cuz it was so early. i mean it's not bad but idk, i think it just got out the door early and that's why it got attention. my favorite part is the bit with berdly

Under the Shadow of the Snack Falcon the first fic i posted when i started writing fanfic again after, like, over 20 years. i'm glad it's in the mix

Orbits imo this is my most, like, technically accomplished fic. in terms of structure and theme and that. there's another outer wilds fic i wanna write. been sitting on it for a while. hope i get to it someday!

Rite of Spring my night in the woods magnum opus (that i completed, sorry glass factory). i named it after the stravinsky ballet. i felt like it was thematic, idk. i really had fun writing for lori

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to. i mean people make a stink about comments being important so i try to reply to the ones i get, even if it's something innocuous like 'thx for reading!'

some fics i don't respond at all and it's usually cuz of any number of badbrain circumstances i am under at the moment. always feel a lil bad about that. not enough to make a stink of it, bad in the sense that you see a banana that you left out too long and now it's all brown and mushy. that kind of bad

well, all any of us can do is try

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the view from mars, i suppose? or maybe it's monument. or quests! i kind of liked quests.

view from mars is kind of a bog standard teen crush melodrama, but i liked writing the girls from amphibia so i thought i'd give it a try. would like to do another amphibia story someday.

monument is an outer wilds fic, so everyone dies (spoilers i guess) and it's about, like, your work outliving your life and then even your work eventually disappears and then what's left? and maybe asking what's left isn't even the right question. you know. existential stuff. play outer wilds

quests is me indulging myself cuz i have a thing for pairings where one half is gonna have to take care of the other half and like, is lena really up for that and what happens when she gets in over her head cuz webby gets in over her head. idk i'm too much of a sap to take this to its angstiest conclusion and it gets resolved p quickly which might make it seem a little pat but the story did what i set out for it to do so i'm cool with it

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

there will be no dancing, probably. it's got a pretty sweet ending. just don't read the stories in the rest of the series. it's fine it's cool

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not that i've seen. i did see a comment where someone was asking a leading question like they wanted to get into some Discourse but i just ignored it and nothing came of it and we all lived our lives

9. Do you write smut?

ya when the notion strikes. if we're examining the ways characters interact with each other sex is one of those ways and it'd be weird to exclude it over all the other imo

10. Craziest crossover?

i never actually tagged this is how we grow as a crossover huh. but @big-meows was the one to initially conceive of a stardew/ducktales crossover so i ain't taking credit. i guess the only other option is red brithright, my current wip: star wars and witch from mercury

it's not really a crazy crossover tho. they're both sci fi franchises that started in the 70s and prominently feature protagonists with complicated relationships with their parents and have laser swords. kind of an obvious crossover

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of. it's hard to know if i'd care even if someone did. i guess i'd be miffed if someone were making money off of it somehow

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have had requests, never saw if they actually did it but i always said yes

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i've had some beta-ing but idk if i'll ever co-write. i've got a pretty light presence in fandoms so i doubt i'll get involved in anything more collaborative then, like, prompt weeks

14. All time favourite ship?

idk man i mean i wouldn't devote days of writing to any ship unless they were my all time fave to some degree. weblena's always gonna have a place, sulemio is the new hotness but i think there's something enduring in it. i'll always have a soft spot for barrisoka

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i like to think i'll finish all wips eventually. yes i know that's dumb but i still like to think it

16. What are your writing strengths?

idk i like to think i'm p okay at juggling an ensemble. like when there's a lot of characters and giving them all a little moment to characterize themselves. even if it's just a single line. i hope that comes across. and i love to have a sense of place, like an environment that feels authentic. i love a good place and want others to feel like they can see it. who knows if that works

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i think i tend to get bogged down in details to the point where i have to step back and ask myself if i've lost the thread of the story. like i'll get preoccupied with how characters get from point a to point b when that shit don't matter

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

don't think i've ever done

19. First fandom you wrote in?

starcraft. used to be part of a writing group that did varying degrees of starcraft. all ancient history by now

20. Favourite fic you've written?

hm. probably there will be no dancing. like yeah again i feel like i was pretty on for that one. punchy and funny and written deep in the perspective of the pov character. i really do wish i could keep that kind of writing for long projects! but alas

if you see this feel free to do your own!

[veganthranduil]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @fieryphrazes, whose answers I enjoyed reading so much!!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

102

2. What is your A03 word count?

1,017,012

Oops.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I have written Terror fics almost exclusively for like four years, with some MASH in between. Right now I'm back at a Pacific Rim fic I started in 2016.

4. What are your top 5 fics by Kudos?

i have called you by name (Good Omens)

never seek him, defiantly, at night (The Terror)

The Notion of Respectability (The Terror)

Gambling Man (Les Mis) (this one is so funny to me. happy eleven-year anniversary to my child)

flightless bird (dumb, wild, and free) (Good Omens)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! I am slow but I love responding to comments. If you tell me your thoughts on my fic, you unlock extra analysis rambling in response from me.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This is so hard... I think it's a tie between Robofitz and the one where Francis cheats on his wife with James? But honestly my MASH sports medicine AU deserves a shoutout here too.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'm going to say it's the one where the entire Franklin expedition survives (because there was only one bed), for maximum happiness.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Sometimes I get comments where the intentions of the commenter are not quite clear to me. I just delete & move on!

9. Do you write smut? If so which kind?

Yes & all kinds?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest crossover you've ever written?

i have never!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have had people ask, but my policy is that any translation of my work should only be up on Ao3, and the people who were asking had been planning to put it up on other fic sites. So not to my knowledge.

I have translated a fic that I wrote from German into English though! It even tries to simulate the formal/informal pronoun switch.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I've always wanted to!

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

This is hard... I don't have favourites... but I will say Fitzier if you make me choose

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have so many of those in my folder. Let's not speak of those.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I really like worldbuilding, in the sense of giving characters a politically & socially coherent world to inhabit. I think I am very good at that by nature of my training & academic expertise.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle most with differentiating between internal monologue & external actions. Like, I am constantly reminding myself that not all characters are telepathic and understand each other's actions.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I have written both an Expanse AU that used Lang Belta with translations, as well as a Weimar Berlin AU for Fitzier that just straight-up used German without translations. Languages are fun! Put them in more things!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Transformers lol... or I guess Star Wars, but that was not published anywhere

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Past Sins, my James Fitzjames gets blackmailed fic.

I'm tagging @pianodoesterror and @laissezferre!

[cbrownjc]

I just read the plot of the movie and (some spoilers ahead) it's about a torrid affair between a man and a younger woman who is very volatile, but wants to support his writing career and sends his work to some publishers. The ending is tragic but I'm actually kind of intrigued by how the tragedy happens at the same time as the man's manuscript is accepted by a publisher. I wonder if, this may parallel Daniel and Armand's love affair which ended as Daniel started to get back into writing? Which I believe you also noted on in terms of the timeline of Daniel's life and his first published book

OMG, thank you, Anon! This info about that movie is great!

And yes, I can see the parallel with Daniel and Armand's affair, too, with it. Because, at the moment, Daniel's writing career dates are a key indicator of when he and Armand (and Louis') relationship started to break apart IMO.

I've already been thinking that one of the reasons Devil's Minion ended differently than it did in the book was that Daniel started to write again in 1981. Given the car-seat line in the show, Daniel's first child was likely born around 1978-79. However, I don't think he and his first wife Alice were together - let alone married - when the daughter was born.

Personally, I don't think Daniel even remotely started getting his life headed in that direction ("cleaning himself up") until 1982, specifically March of 1982, when his LinkedIn mentions his Investigative Journalism career officially started.

If we go with the 1984 date of when QotD happened, or at least when Devil's Minion ended with Daniel's turning (in the books), that would mean two years after Daniel's writing career really took off in the show's timeline.

Also, while I think Daniel and Armand did a cat-and-mouse chase in the 70s on the show like they did in the book, I don't think that chase lasted as long as it did in the books, which was 4 years. In the show, I'm guessing the chase only lasted about a year at most, maybe only lasting as short as 6 to 8 months IMO. Which would make up the amount of time they were together-together in the show if they weren't together until 1986, and started to really split as early as March of 1982.

Daniel never graduated from UC Berkeley and didn't write a single thing - that was published - for almost the whole of the 1970s after he met Louis and Armand; until he did ONE interview with then-California Governor Jerry Brown in 1979 for the old paper he used to work for, The Berkeley Barb. Which folded a year later in 1980. This feels, at least to me, like a specific interlude when Daniel knew he had a kid, or the kid was on the way and he tried to be "grown-up" and stuff, but in the end, just ended up back with Armand and within the whole Vampire world. (Which is also what the fic I've been trying to write for a few months now is about btw.)

Then he starts writing again in June of 1981 (on Kaposi's Sarcoma) and became a full Investigative Journalist in March of 1982. There would have been push-and-pull tension with Armand during all of this for sure if Daniel still had his memories at that point (and I do think he still did) as with his writing becoming a big focus for him again, I suspect his relationship with Alice probably started to get better too. He probably started seeing his young daughter more often as well. However, I don't doubt he still felt a pull towards Armand, Louis, and the whole Vampire world he'd been a part of for almost 10 years by that point.

All things that set up for it not ending well. And Daniel's memories having to be altered/repressed.

[mjparkerwriting]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Thanks to @squarebracket-trick for tagging me!

Rules: Answer the questions as yourself or as an OC of your choice. Some people have done both which is cool.

Gently tagging (I'm sorry if you've been tagged in this already): @sarahlizziewrites @distinguishedgentlemanswritings @ryns-ramblings @btranscrolls @harps-for-days @nightlylaments @alnaperera @kckramer @thewardenofwinter @karolinarodrigueswrites @kaiarchives @the-stray-storyteller @maiwritesbooks @inkspellangel @cabaretofwords

Using Seth, one of the main POV characters in my WIP.

Are you named after anyone?

Not that I know of. I've never thought to ask and no one has said anything about it.

[Both of my parents' grandmothers had the same name so mine is just a version of that. My middle name is a combination of my parents' mothers' middle names.]

2. When was the last time you cried?

I'm not gonna pretend like I'm some macho man dripping with bravado. I cried in that swamp. Before that, I cried in my bed because...well, for reasons. It happens.

[LMAO just cried like two days ago. It will happen again.]

3. Do you have kids?

I'm literally 20 years old. A child would ruin everything for me.

[I am a 24-year-old teenage girl. One day I'd love to, but today is not that day.]

4. Do you use sarcasm?

No. (Note: That was sarcasm)

[I can't not use sarcasm. It's a problem.]

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their hair. How it's styled. How clean it is. How neat it is. Hair is important in my culture. Mine probably looks like shit now, but usually, I take good care of it.

[Clothes and shoes. I'm big on fashion. I love collecting shoes and trying new styles. I'm always curious about other people's styles.]

6. What's your eye color?

Brown. Dark, dark brown.

[Also dark, dark brown.]

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

I love movies. I make movies. I don't think you can compare the two, though. Scary movies are a different form of art that not everyone gets. It's more than just the scare. It's the tropes. The characters. The score. I will say that I don't always like a happy ending, so I guess my answer is scary movies.

[I love scary movies. BUT, I'm a sap and I cry at almost everything, so a good happy ending is always nice, too.]

8. Any special talents?

Can it truly be considered special, if I'm good at everything I do?

[I don't know. I like to bake cookies lol. Not to be that person, but I don't know if I have a special talent. I've done a lot of different things, so maybe just a Jack of All (a few) Trades.]

9. Where were you born?

Oklahoma. In a hospital close to the rez.

[I'm from the US.]

10. What are your hobbies?

Watching movies. Making movies. Reading.

[Besides reading and writing, I like collecting things and watching movies and TV. I don't know if this is a hobby, but I like trying new foods.]

11. Have you any pets?

I mean, there's the rez dogs. That's about it.

[I have a cat <3]

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I played basketball in high school.

[I played basketball for about 4-5 years. I used to fence and I was in marching band (it's a sport. don't start).]

13. How tall are you?

Are you trying to be funny? Haha, we get it. I'm not tall.

[5'6, but I wish I was just a few inches taller. Just 2 inches would be nice.]

14. Favorite subject in school?

Debate, of course. After that, probably Psychology.

[English. Creative Writing. History.]

15. Dream job?

Movie director and/or producer would be a dream, but we have to be realistic here. I'm getting a degree in PoliSci so I can have a real job that'll pay real bills.

[I've wanted to be a teacher since I was like 16 and I'm doing that now, but of course, a writer. I think I can do both, so I'm kinda living the dream?]

[mediocres-writing-blog]

Requiem Mirror; Chapter 7: Midnight stroll

10 p.m., Billie sits near the bar at the Black Dragon fight club, sipping a drink while still shaken up after the event that took place a week or so ago. Soon enough, Kano comes in to check on his daughter. He pulls up a folding chair and sits by the dragoness.

Kano: Hey, you good, girl? Still shaken up about what happened in that arena?

Billie: Huh? Oh uh, yeah, thanks. I'm fine, don't worry.

Kano: Ya know, I went through something simmilar in my day.

Billie: When did ya become a gandpa?

Kano: (chuckles) I'm serious though. But hey, there's a reason I gave you that knife for keepsakes.

Billie: Thanks for lookin' out, pop.

Kano: It's aight. Now go to sleep, you need to rest.

She heads to her room and waits for a couple hours for it to be completely silent. She looked at her phone to see a message by the caped crusader that reads „Meet me @ the bridge near that fast food when u can“ she responded with an „OMW“ and climbed out of her window and went to the place they're ment to meet up. Sometime around midnight, Nico is leaning on the side of the bridge and notices Billie walking down and waving him hi.

Nico: Maybe you could have came over before the police hour?

Billie: Maybe I would've made it sooner if I didn't have to get here from 2 miles away.

Robin: Alright, sorry, no need to get your green steamed.

Billie: So, why'dya called me here for?

Robin: I, don't really know. Guess I want to know the other side a bit better. Plus, you didn't tell me everything.

Billie: Sure.

They walked down the street, with the city lights glimmering bellow them. The two spitball questions like „how's it going?“ and such, and it was like this for the fifteen minutes, but then bird man started asking more in-depth things.

Robin: So, is there something you didn't tell me the first time we talked properly?

Billie: I'm not getting into this scar on my neck. Not in a thousand years, ya bird-fucker.

Robin: Alright, playing hard to get i see... Hey how 'bout this? I tell you my story that i've never told anyone ever, and in exchange, you can consider telling me about that scar. Deal?

Billie seemed anoyed, but intereseted where this could go. She shrugged and responded.

Billie: Sure, shoot.

Robin: I, never really had someone to rely on. As a kid, my folks and I lived as slaves under Shao Kahn's iron fist. I managed to escape, but when i came back with these blades (tugs his jacket, revealing his two daggers), I was too late. They were killed and, my spirit was broken, and I slain every living man in that outpost. I've got my revenge, but at what cost?

Billie's eyes grew wider, as she didn't know this tragic story of her new found friend.

Nico: I started hunting and killing one or two crimminals, like a hyper-violant web slinger that  I almost completely am.

Billie: Jesus Christ... I'm, sorry I didn't...

Robin: Hey, don't worry about it. I let my almost childish nature take over, it dulls the stress. And helps me cope with how thing are currently.

Billie was shocked, as she didn't know someone like Robin could have such a dark past.

Billie: I... Never really gave much though to other's stories. I guess I've been blinded by my own demons that I didn't know how some people can be so scarred.

Robin: There's nothing wrong with not knowing those around you. It's wrong to judge by purely first impression. Or not asking without knowing someone in the first place. That was bassically our first meeting a year back.

Billie: Oh yeah, I forgot 'bout that whole fiasco. And uh, sorry I tried to kill you durring the whole other-world tournament thing.

Nico: Hey, i'm sorry you had to almost relive through the neck cutting thing, speaking of which...?

Nico said, as he gestured toward the scar on the dragonesses neck.

Billie: Alright... my pops, mum and I were on a mission, and during an intervention arc bullshit, was done by some Reiko bastard.

Robin: General Reiko? He's just a menace through and through, huh?

Billie: Don't worry about it. Decapitated him afterwards.

Robin: You?

Billie: Yep.

Robin: Killed Reiko?

Billie: Yeeep.

Robin: By decapitation.

Billie: With a spear I made up from blood magic.

Nico: I'm impressed. Even i didn't dare stand up to the likes of Shao and Reiko.

Billie: They really need to learn to stop jobbing.

Robin: Absolutely, they needed some new hobbies.

They lived and laughed as the snow started to fall down and the lights bellow shimmered. They even grabbed a coffee on the way back. Robin even explained Siris why Tremor and Kabal left the B.D.

Billie: so, what you're saying is: Tremor left because Smoke convinced him that he doesn't belong to me dad, and uncle Carlos dipped all those years back because he got fed up with doing crime and shit. Right?

Robin: Where theres Smoke, theres drama, and now they're both retired. Tremor went to find some place called „the Dream realm“ and Kabal has retired permanently. Who knows? Maybe be got married with the woman of his dreams and is living happily. But thats just a theory.

Billie: Kabal married? That's a mental image I never thought I needed.

Robin: May even sound dumber if he were married to a demon woman and got a puppy.

Billie: (laughing hysterically) I don't Know what's funnier, the fact you just said that, or the fact that i imagined him living in a highly weaponized mansion while monologuing...

The crusader laughed along, as he held onto the steel railing of the bridge. They exchange insults, as they deside to call it a night and say their goodbyes.

Billie: Hope to see ya again, ya red fuckwit!

Robin: You too, blood-bitch. Whoops, recycled jokes!

They wave goodbye and head back to their factions base's. Billie, not awakening anyone, heads back to bed. Robin, almost perfectly quietly sneaks back to the bedrooms through the lounge, but was eventually caught by Sonya.

Robin: (whispering) Do you ever go to sleep?

Sonya: (whispering back) Do you ever stop sneaking around? What were you doing out there?

Robin: (smirking) Just taking in the night air. You should try it sometime.

Sonya: (raising an eyebrow) You're up to something.

Robin: Just enjoying the peace and quiet. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got beauty sleep to catch up on--

Sonya: You're terrible at lying.

Robin: What do you mean?

Sonya: I've known you long enough to see when you're hiding something.

Robin: I've worked here for less than 5 months, the fuck you mean?

Sonya: You've got that look, like there's more going on in that head of yours than you let on.

Robin: (giggling) Maybe I'm just a mysterious guy.

Sonya: (rolling her eyes) Mysterious, my ass. Don't get into any trouble, or you answer to me.

Robin: (jokingly) Kinda doing that right now, and I'm losing minutes of sleep because of it.

Sonya: (unimpressed) You're always finding a way to test my patience, aren't you?

Robin: Part of my charm, captain of zero f's.

Robin went back to his room. Johnny eventually wakes up to this commotion, holding his pre-heated mug of coffee, looking higher than a kite.

Johnny: (yawning) What's going on? Did I miss something?

Sonya: Oh, nothing much. Just your protégé sneaking back in past curfew. You know, the usual.

Johnny: Which one, Cassie, Takeda or Robin?

Sonya: The outworld one.

Johnny, taking a sip of his coffee, raises an eyebrow.

Johnny: Oh, the new kid? What he do?

Sonya: He keeps sneaking out without anyone's permission, like some teen in a phase...

Johnny: Hey, reelaaax, hun. I'll talk to him when I can, you just go to sleep.

Sonya seems sceptical, but does trust her husband. She goes to sleep and Johnny finishes his coffee, as he heads to Robin's room.

Johnny knocks on Robin's door.

Johnny: Hey, Red! Mind if I come in?

Nico: Yeah?

there was a small pause, followed by light chuckles.

Nico: Sure, Mr. A-list, come on in.

Johnny walks in, looks around a bit before setting his gaze on Red Robin.

Johnny: So, the mysterious night wanderer, huh? What's the deal? I thought Sonya was the only one pulling late-night stunts around here.

Nico: Yeah, about that...

Nico looked around, making sure Sonya wasn't around, closing the door.

Nico: Mr. Cage, you've got to promise me you won't tell this to anyone.

Johnny, at first confused but interested, nodded.

Johnny: Sure, wassup?

Nico: Well, I might've had a little rendezvous with someone from the Black Dragon. You know, just an informal chat on a bridge.

Johnny raises an eyebrow, intrigued.

Johnny: Black Dragon, huh? What were you doing chatting with the enemy?

Nico: Relax, relax, it's not what you think. We just had a casual exchange of stories. You know, the typical hero and villain bonding over a juice kind of thing.

Johnny: Hero and villain bonding? Never thought I'd hear that one.

Nico smirks.

Nico: Yeah, well, sometimes the lines between hero and villain get a bit blurry.

Johnny chuckles.

Johnny: You're telling me, kid. So, what's the story? Bonding with the enemy?

Nico starts sharing the details of his conversation with Billie, including the exchange of personal stories and the deal about revealing secrets. Johnny listens, nodding at times.

Johnny: Well, well, well. You're playing the diplomat, huh? Just don't let Sonya catch you fraternizing with the enemy. You know how she is about protocol.

Nico: Trust me, I'm already on thin ice with her. I don't need more reasons for her to chew me out.

Johnny laughs.

Johnny: Good luck with that, Nico. Just be careful, okay? Not everyone in the Black Dragon is as friendly as the one you met on that bridge.

Nico: Thanks, Mr. Cage. I'll keep that in mind.

Johnny pats Nico on the shoulder.

Johnny: Alright, now get some sleep. We've got a world to save or something like that, right?

Nico grins.

Nico: Right, Mr. Cage. World-saving duty calls.

Johnny leaves the room, shaking his head with a smile, while Nico gets ready for some well-deserved rest.

Johnny, walking back to his room, he passes by Hsu Hao's cell. (Hey, remember that guy!?)

Hsu Hao: Hey, Cage.

Johnny: Hey, Hao.

Hsu Hao: You know, it's been ages since anyone acknowledged my existence. What's the occasion?

Johnny: Just doing my nightly stroll, you know, keeping an eye on things. How's the cell treating you?

Hsu Hao: Oh, you know, the usual. Cold, lonely, and the view sucks.

Johnny: Can't say I feel sorry for you, considering the stuff you pulled back in the day.

Hsu Hao: Fair enough. So, what's the gossip around here?

Johnny: Well, we've got a mysterious artifact causing chaos, and we're teaming up with the Black Dragon to sort it out. You'd love the drama.

Hsu Hao: Teaming up with the Black Dragon? Now that's a plot twist. What's the catch?

Johnny: You sound like my wife. Anyway, long story short, our kids got dragged into some interdimensional mess, and we're all trying to clean it up.

Hsu Hao: Intergenerational drama, huh? Classic Cage.

Johnny: You know it. Anyway, don't get too comfortable in there. I'm sure Sonya will find some mission for you sooner or later.

Hsu Hao: Oh, joy. Can't wait for that.

The night continues, Johnny goes to bed, and Hsu Hao looks up at the ceiling, falling asleep.

[cookinguptales]

SO THOSE ARE MY TAGS.

I've seen this post go around several times now and have watched with wide-eyed amazement as the notes just piled higher and higher so like?? Might as well actually talk about this in the notes??

To start with...

there's not a word yet (for old friends who've just met) The Muppet Show | Bunsen/Beaker | 12k | PG

Beaker's sure there's some kind of heartwarming moral in all this, but all he wants to do is get through this safe, sane, and intact. The Muppets may have other plans.

It's been almost 10 years and I still love this fic. I loved writing it, I love having people read it, I love what came out of it.

Anyway.

I won't go into detail rn, but I first starting writing Bunsen/Beaker when I was 24 and I was going through a pretty rough period in my life that involved a lot of physical and emotional pain. I wasn't getting around much due to a fairly persistent injury and I ended up being in an unexpected country over Christmas, so I decided to drown my sorrows in the Yuletide fic exchange. I offered up The Muppets because they've always been a comfort canon for me, and the person I got as a recip asked for "anything".

So... I ended up writing this 12k word Bunsen/Beaker fic that was all about finding your place in the world and meeting someone with the exact flavor of crazy that complemented yours. Meeting a whole found family of lunatics that understood you in a way no one else ever had. It was all about burnout and rekindling your love for your passions, and I guess in that respect it was a very personal fic. But I had a ball writing it, the recip loved it, and it ended up doing very well that Yuletide. (People... will put up with some very weird fic at Yuletide. I had to create the B/B tag on AO3 for it.)

I got some followers after reveals, but things were relatively quiet for a little while. I was thoroughly enjoying the Muppets web shorts that Disney was posting at the time and talking about them online with my friends, but the fandom was still practically nonexistent. Then Flowers on the Wall was put on YT and I was like ???? wait is my ship about to be canon???? and a bunch of other people were like WAIT, IT'S OUR SHIP, TOO????

So the fandom really kicked off around then, though I think it had been lying dormant in our hearts up until that point. We talked about all the B/B subtext in older media (and there is a lot), we talked about the queerness of Beaker's original performer, Richard Hunt, and the way that the Muppets had always made us feel seen when we were young and queer and alone.

And then the new ABC series came out and the pairing went canon and things got A Little Crazy for a while, lmao.

I ended up writing more ficlets for people who wanted to read them (though nothing as involved as there's not a word yet) and had a lot of time playing with the rest of fandom! I ended up drifting out of the fandom, partially bc I was writing other things and partially for... I guess some reasons that don't have to be aired publicly. I had some uncomfortable experiences.

All in all, though, it's a period in my fandom life that I look back on very fondly. I had a good time! I enjoyed myself! I wrote some good fic! (Not... all of which I've actually put on AO3, oops.) And I actually spent a fair amount of time interacting with Muppets creators on social media, which was fun, too.

So uhhh I know that it sounds weird if you weren't there, but it was a very natural and fun part of my life and I'm really happy it happened!

(Also last year I got to see some of the original Bunsen and Beaker puppets in San Francisco and I cried. lmao. I went to take a selfie and a nice young man was like, "Do you want me to take a pic?" and I said yes, then took a picture of him in return. And he shyly told me that he was a scientist IRL and he loved those two Muppets and I didn't tell him why they were important to me, too, but we had a nice little bonding moment over how much those puppets mean to so many of us for such intensely personal reasons. Love that for us.)

ok sure fine

[ofthoughtsandmemories]

man. I'm not sure if keeping this blog alive is a good thing, but right now I don't see the harm in posting.

My life fell apart. It sounds dramatic when I type it out, but I can't deny that it's true. I am only a few assignments away from getting my Masters, but that's on hold for... well, I don't know. As long as it takes to get better, I guess.

At first, I didn't know what was wrong with me. I spiraled and spiraled. I was certain I wouldn't survive. And I wouldn't have if I didn't have such wonderful friends and a medical support system.

I spent several months digging my own grave and 3 months lying in it. That's what my therapist now says, and I can't help but agree with her. My dad came and saved me. I left Omaha behind for Appalachia. It was, and is, a bittersweet transition. More bitter than sweet, but it gets easier to swallow every day. I miss my friends in Omaha so much. They promised we'd keep in touch and that we could still be friends, but I have more experience in losing friends than they do, I think. Perhaps that's a pessimistic outlook, but I just can't help it. I know they still think of me. Moi talks to me frequently. I just miss them so much.

I thought I was sick. Everyone did. My parents and I struggled and struggled to be seen by doctors who would take me seriously. After the endocrinologist told me it was just PCOS, something inside of me changed. I don't know what it was or why, but ever since then, I feel like a different person.

I'm still not completely convinced that this new treatment is going to work, but I'm not really convinced of anything right now, so I guess that's fine. It has to be fine.

So after almost a year now of suffering and stagnation and pain, I've started to heal. I think. But this healing is starting with 10 years of repressed memories and trauma I didn't even know I had.

I am a CSA survivor. Typing it out still feels strange. How long did I carry that with me in my subconscious? I wish I knew. I wish I could remember. As scared as I am of remembering, it somehow seems worse to have it all tucked away somewhere, out of reach. I can't heal if I can't remember.

At the same time, the worst part so far has been remembering. I can't stop thinking about high school. I can't stop thinking about all of the ways that I hurt people. Realizing why I acted the way I did. Remembering all of the dysfunctional ways that I cried out for help.

This blog is one of them. I read through the entire thing some time a few weeks ago. It hurt me to see myself saying such horrible things. I was 13. She was 13. I picked up the burden of self hatred so, so young, and I didn't even know I still carried it with me.

I also don't know when I started believing that I deserved the abuse I got. The neglect. It's little wonder to me now that I struggled with adulthood. No one taught me. No one taught me how to live. I have spent my entire life believing that I am a burden, unwanted, never enough. My mother threatened to kill herself because of me many times. I want to say that I forgot it happened, but that's not true. Like the rest, it has been with me. I think I just accepted that I deserved it somewhere along the way. I don't think that anymore. I haven't thought that for a while.

Now, I just live. I heal. I'm frustrated and scared and sad and all kinds of things. I have so much work to do, and most of it is in my head. I'm grateful for my NH friends more than I can say. I'm grateful to Moi and the rest of my friends in Omaha. I'm grateful to all of the people I have known in my life who have helped me begin to love myself. People who I loved. Because I do love myself, even if I still hate myself. I love parts of me, and I will learn to love all of me.

There is nowhere else to go but forward.