#man who desperately wants to love but has only known love through devotion his whole life Vs. man who wants to keep everyone at arms length

[monstersholygrail]

Do you have any monster OCs? or any OCs at all? :o

You are opening Pandora’s box with this question, my love. Goodness gracious, I’m gonna put it all under the cut because the answer is yes, I have many OCs both monster, cyborg, and otherwise!

Thank you so much for asking btw, it was super sweet of you <33

If anyone would like to send in any asks about these then I’d be more than happy to talk about them 👉🏼👈🏼

Tumblr OCs

So, starting off with on my blog, I have 2 OCs! I have Demon Prist, my special boy. His story is that he is a fallen angel who is desperately trying to get back into Heaven and God’s good graces when you come into his life. He’s convinced you’re a gift from God for his devotion all these millennia as you take his pain away.

I also have Ghost bf whose name is yet to be revealed although I do have one! His story (lore drop!) is that when moving to a new city, you’re looking for an apartment and you find him! The two of you talk for weeks before agreeing to a sort of trial run. But before you can get there, Ghost bf dies and you show up to an empty apartment and you expect him to be back soon. When he reveals himself to you the two of you contact each other in weird ways and fall in love along the way.

More to come too!

Book OCs

Then I also have Monster OCs that I would like to introduce here and later possibly turn into books! The first being Wren and Emery. Wren is a bigender Eldritch monster whose favorite show is a monster hunter show where they find monsters and study them. Not actual hunting. Emery was the host of this show with her bf Jonah when a bad werewolf accident happens and Jonah kind of takes over the show. Wren decides to invite the show to his manor to essentially… catch him. All in order to help Emery. It’s very rom-com vibes. Wren and Emery are the main couple (Jonah is bad)

I have Delilah and Augustine with their friends Ivory and Sivan. I want to write their story through an anthology. It’s basically flustered vampire x bimbo human. Delilah is insanely smart, she’s a mortician ironically. But she misses a lot of things right in front of her, hence the bimbo type personality. So it’s a collection of like Augustine constantly getting caught being a vampire bc he’s not smooth or sneaky (anymore) and it just doesn’t click for Delilah. Which makes Ivory, her best friend that’s also a secret vampire, insane. She’s a hypocrite but her and Auggie have a fun dynamic.

Thirdly, I also have Zella and Senén. Sen is a hybrid wolf who ran his own mafia when his men thinks he betrayed them and the cops are on his tail. So hides as a puppy hybrid in England with an American woman named Zella who’s there looking after her sick grandmother. He has to maintain his facade even as he finds it all super demeaning. But he falls for Zella and starts getting comfortable in this new life when trouble turns its head back around on him.

Next I also have this idea for a futuristic serial fiction that would span over at least 100 chapters. It’s sci-fi fantasy. Think Nimona-ish but darker. It’s ultimately kinda cyberpunk but from the opposite perspective of it for the most part. It follows Nora or Noor and she’s in the II (Iridium Imperium) also known as the eyes. It’s a guild that protects the city like law enforcement and they’re all cyborgs with special magical gifts. Their whole city runs on guilds it’s a requirement to be in one within city limits. Only those with magical gifts can join The II. The story covers the climatic and intense downfall of The II and ultimately Nora herself as everything she’s ever known is destroyed and she’s the last to accept it if she ever really does. She has at least 3 romantic partners over the course of the series but I’m unsure if I want her to end up Ren, her enemies to lovers man from outside the city limits who understands her far too well, her ex Gio who abandoned her in order to join the resistance but always comes back for her whenever she needs him, end up with them both in a throuple, or if she should end up alone! It’s a huge world and many OCs within this world.

The working title of this next one is called Grimoire Gargoyles! It features Giselle who’s a librarian working in France at a super old library. She finds herself in the restricted section and reads out loud from a book. Accidentally releasing two French Revolution Gargoyles from their prison stuck on top of the library. Now that Francois and Bastien are free they try and leave but find themselves drawn back to Giselle. Revealing themselves to her she isn’t afraid given that monsters are a normal sight in their world. Though Gargoyles have been extinct since the Revolution. Together they work together to try and finish the spell to release them from their curse and fall in love along the way.

More include a heist trilogy with a Dragon jeweler for the King and a thief, a dryad who accidentally performs a mating ritual with an ancient dragon at a festival celebrating his supposed vanquishing, a vampire stalker who stalks a human after tasting her blood for the first time but then stops and she starts stalking him bc she’s upset he stopped stalking her, a dragon hybrid and a griffin hybrid who exchange mating symbols as kids and basically betroth themselves to each other but he’s meant to marry her sister and years later they go through the marriage trials together not knowing it’s impossible for him to marry someone else.

Other Book OCs

My oldest OCs are from last November and it’s called Crafting Constellations. It’s an elf world and all high fantasy. The first book follows Soleil and Peracles. Peracles is the heir to a Kingdom that’s only ever had female rulers and Soleil is his general. They have a forbidden romance going on and have to work together to figure out the evil plot against the crown by an unknown force. See art of them here. Its sequel features Cane, Peracles’ royal advisor and Soleil’s ex, in his heartbreak when he saves Pera from being poisoned. He gets into an enemies to lovers with Pera’s assassin named Astraea. Then the third book features the antagonist as the main character Nova and she kidnaps Viyan, a co-worker of sorts with Astraea in order to get revenge. Then I have a secondary series featuring all 4 of Peracles’ brothers with love interests. Also a prequel that’s a sapphic tragedy with Peracles mother and her own general.

Then my second oldest OCs named Prudence and Narada. It’s another sci-fi fantasy series. Prudence is a part of a faction that has the power to get into another persons mind and read it and control it. A long time ago her faction was deemed too dangerous to stay alive so they made them extinct. And for over 100 years they’ve been living in secret and pulling the strings of their entire world Janeus. Her coven sees into the future and ensures fate stays on course. So they kill the emperor of one of the empires so that his son takes over: Narada. Prue goes there, hiding her eyes as their powers are revealed through eye color. And she successfully manipulates him but they fall for each other along the way and she ends up betraying her coven and revealing herself and their plan for the young emperor. Prue is convinced that she can fix things and manipulate fate all on her own but their world slowly begins to perish and she realizes her mistake. When she gets a “chosen one” prophecy with herself as the one to defeat, she learns to accept fate and that you can’t control it as she thought.

More include a fae hunter x fae lord that’s kinda similar to Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride lol, two demons and a human working at a casino and underground fighting ring that helps them hide from the world when their pasts catch up to them, and a biblical apocalypse where the world is split into the seven deadly sins and the Lord of Greed and a man working for the Lord of Lust inadvertently work to bring the second coming of Christ.

And I’m sure there’s even more that I’ve forgotten or that have slipped my mind!! I have so many plots in my head that it’s hard to focus on any of them lol.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Hello Mr. Dapper! Love this blog and your many reimaginings of classic dnd deities and creatures. I was curious about something: Considering your dislike of purely evil gods and DnDs future focusing on the guy, what are your thoughts on Vecna?

Deity: Vecna, the Whispered One

My task of overhauling d&d’s villanous pantheon was started by a simple critique:  that if god was evil, there still needed to be a reason for people to worship it. To go with one example,  So many of the death gods in d&d want to kill everything that lives, yet they’re still presented as having legions of followers who are happy to die for them in opposition to the party.   You can say “Oh they’re just brainwashed, crazy cultists” but that’s just bad writing and thematically empty, neither of which I want for the sort of games I run. 

Vecna is actually an interesting case study in that he’s an outwardly wicked deity that has a theme which people would actively want to follow:   As a god of secrets, Vecna is the patron of any who will sacrifice anything to learn the answer to their problems, or conversely, the ones desperate to ensure their own secrets will never be known.  The story of Vecna as a mortal mage who attained first lichdom, then godhood is an aspirational one for all those power mad occultists out there, a common enough demographic in the d&d world both as villains and as player characters. 

Cults of Vecna worshippers likewise make sense as the whole point behind the historical practice of mystery cults was that those at the upper levels maintained their power through control of information and access to secret learnings.  You want to learn how to do magic? To speak to the dead? To protect your secrets from being known? Put on this ominous robe, learn the secret handshake, and don’t forget to drop your tithe intto the altar’s collection skull. Think of it like a forbidden knowledge based MLM. 

 Here’s some adventure hooks: 

While many of the whispered one’s acolytes dedicate themselves to discovering to the delving of arcane mysteries, others focus their attention on more worldly secrets. A powerful noblewoman is being blackmailed by a worshipper of Vecna not only for personal enrichment but also as an act of devotion, after he uncovered proof of indiscretions that would ruin her reputation.  While she’s too afraid to go for help herself and risk exposure, a devoted servant has seen her hidden suffering and has contacted the party for aid. 

Barely disguising its fiendish nature, a devil in service to Vecna approaches the party with an offer to reveal the secret intents or weaknesses of their enemies, if only they will deign to meet its terrible price.  While this information could do great good, or even save lives, just how low are the heroes willing to stoop? 

Seeking out the aid of a powerful mage, the party discover the old man on the brink of nervous collapse, having looked to deeply into the void and filled his mind with visions best left unmentioned.  Haunted by nightmares both real and imagined, he needs their help in quieting his mind through the gathering of rare ingredients and the distillation of a potent elixir. The process is not without risk however, are the party willing to help if it means erasing the information they need from his head, to say nothing of potentially lobotomizing the poor wizard? 

Art

[a-horny-princess-dragon]

My husband and I have started a costumed role play. So I am going to document my thoughts/the scenes here.

It is a Princess/Kitchen Boy Cross Class Roleplay Archetype. It is set in the 1850s.

She is playing the Kitchen boy (who isn’t actually a kitchen boy, but works cleaning the kennels and stables). His name is Jamie. His dad is the gamekeeper and huntsmaster (also has a close relationship with the her Dad). His sister, Florence, is employed as her Lady’s Maid.

The Princess is named Charlotte (Lottie). She isn’t really a princess, she is from a noble and landed family. She has a close relationship with her father, The Count, who loves to hunt and has around 30 hunting dogs

She has an older brother Edwin who is antagonistic towards Jamie as a staff member and is a general jerk.

Jamie and the princess have known each other their whole lives. The princess (as he calls her), used to follow him around and get into all sorts of trouble with him as a child.

Below I’ve written the first scene. Since writing this, more world building has happened, so I will update in my next post.

Since coming out, people have been more careful about watching her, but she still sneaks down to gossip with him. Or sends him a message through Florence. For the past few years, Jamie has been watching her, when he thinks no one is looking. Hanging on her words, taking quick desperate glances at her lips, and once, when he thought she couldn’t see, her breasts. She noticed. Of course she did, it would be impossible not to notice his devotion. But how much can one truly consider the romantic notions of a servant. Even a servant that is a friend.

Yesterday though, yesterday Florence went to town and came back with gossip that made the princess rail against the unfairness of the expectations set before her. Since her coming out two years ago, her mother has orchestrated suitor visits at least once a month. The most recent suitor, a man named Patrick, was only at the country estate for a few days. In her trip into town after his departure, Florence heard shopkeepers discussing his visit, particularly the attention he paid to the young women in town. Fucking every woman who would have him.

It seemed unfair to Lottie. Despite being just a few years younger than this man, that she was expected to stay chaste for marriage, but he as a man could experience pleasures of the flesh whenever he wanted.

The more she thought about it, the angrier she got and the more resolved she became to remedy this unfairness with action. But who?! Of course she knew who. The answer was obvious. Jamie would never say no. Not to her.

She made her way down to the kennel and stable, where she had slipped away to find him countless times. If someone caught her, she could say she was going to ask a question about her horse. No one would question it.

She walked through the space looking for him. The dogs baying excitedly as she passed. She finally saw him and her heart leaped. He was in the tack room. Perfect. A door.

He was in the room working. His loose striped work shirt was covered by a vest, open in the front. He had one of his usual neck scarves on. His light hair and eyes. He was beautiful. She had always thought so.

She steeled herself. Prepared to get what she wanted…

She barged in. Starting her visit like usual. Calling his name and sharing gossip. The only change was her pause to close and lock the door to the room. She tried to do it casually. Like she always did this.

Of course he noticed. He noticed everything. She had never met someone as insightful as him. She had met so many men. Tutored by the most intelligent minds in the country. But no one delighted her and made her think like Jamie.

He stood stiffly against the wall. She tried to push on. “You will never believe what Florence heard in town today”

A glance at the door “…why did you lock the door?”

She looked him up and down. “I wanted privacy”

He looked uneasy, but didn’t argue.

She went on to tell him about Patrick and his canoodling with every woman in the town who would sleep with him.

Jamie chuckled and said “that’s just like three women”

A surge of jealousy flashed through her. “How do you know?” His eyes widened and he stuttered, so she powered through. “It isn’t fair. That I am to remain pure and chaste for my husband” she rolled her eyes at that word, having made her views on marriage clear. “But men are allowed to canoodle all they want.”

He stiffened even more. Shifting closer to the door. She had to act soon.

He whispered “why are you talking to me about this?”

“You know why”

His eyes widened as she stalked across the room. He back up to the wall and she grabbed his neck scarf.

“Wait! No no no. We can’t do this”

She spread her fingers on his chest. “I can feel how fast your heart is beating. You want this.”

He shook his head. Hands grasping at the wall, A pained expression on his face as he avoided looking at her.

“I’ve seen how you look at me. You want this too”

He whimpered and looked at her desperately. She rubbed her hand through his hair and down his cheek. She pulled him in and kissed him. He desperately, gently, like she was something precious ran his fingers through her hair and on her face. Returning the kiss for a long moment before having his senses return to him and he pushed her away.

“Princess, we can’t do this”

Well. She couldn’t have that. She again pushed herself against him and looked up with faux innocence.

“Jamie” she whined. “Please I know you want it” he shook his head. “I know how to prove that you want it” his eyes widened as she traced her hand down his body and grabbed his cock through his trousers. He moaned with need and collapsed against the wall. “Oh. I can feel how much you want me. I want you too, Jamie. Please touch me”

He desperately looked between her and the door for a moment, but she kissed him and he melted into the kiss.

She grabbed his hand and he moaned out some unconvincing pleas that they shouldn’t do this. That she had to stay pure. She pulled his hand under her dress to her cunt. When he felt it, he moaned and began to rub her.

She grabbed his neck tie and forced him to his knees, then held both his cheeks and kissed him. Ignoring the guilt at the scared expression on his face, instead choosing to focus on how pitiful and needy her boy was. Even if he pretended to want her to stop. He couldn’t hide his desire from her.

She pulled on his hair and cooed “Jamie, I want you to taste me” and started lifting her skirt. His eyes widened and he refused to move. She decided that she was enjoying his fingers too much to fight for his mouth. Another day.

He continued rubbing her cunt. Carefully avoiding her entrance. He stared into her eyes and she smoothed his hair back. “You are making me feel so good Jamie. Such a good boy” he closed his eyes and whimpered.

Suddenly she reached an edge. She moaned loudly and he panicked desperately begging “please please please, you have to be quiet, people will hear”

She recognized the truth in his words. And as she finally tipped over the edge, cumming onto his hand, she held onto his head and kissed him to muffle her moans.

He collapsed crouched onto the floor. A broken expression on his face. He refused to make eye contact with her. “Please Leave”

“Do you really want that?”

Silence and then a nod. He looked like he was about to cry.

The sudden weakness that came at his brokenness did not disrupt her plans. She was not done. She intended to fuck him, so she would. Sinking down onto her knees in front of him, she grabbed him for a rough kiss. He lost himself in it. Feeling her face and hair. She took that opportunity to explore his body and slip the vest off his body, she trailed kisses down his neck while unbuttoning his shirt and he moaned while making futile protests. She felt his chest and kissed his body.

“You make me feel so good Jamie” the pitifully needy expression was back. “Please please fuck me”

He groaned and sat down with his back against the wall and legs straight out. She moved to straddle his legs and kiss him again. Trailing her hand down towards his trousers.

“No No No. I can’t do that… I can’t do that…” he made eye contact “I want to do that” he looked away.

She unclasped the button to his trousers, but before she could reach in for his cock, he pushed her away.

“NO I can’t do that. I can’t do it. I can’t do that to my dad” he continued to mumble and then looked at her.

“I did what you wanted, right?”

“You made me feel so good Jamie”

She hugged his head. To her chest and he wrapped his arms around her.

“I won’t make you do that.”

He softened and cupped her cheek before kissing her again. Slowly. Like it was the last time. Silly boy.

“You… you can come back. If you want. I… won’t do that… but you can come back”

[ambassadorarlert]

toxic!armin head canons

author’s note: this fr has been a long time coming. it took a while to gather my thoughts lmao. he can’t be sweet all the time, right??😭

warning: modern au. toxic characteristics — obsession, jealousy, possessiveness. gaslighting.

18+ ONLY MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

we're not gonna look away from armin's whole underlying character trait of being a known manipulator. he is going to gaslight you.

armin starts his mind games as a last resort. when he's desperate to have his way. when he's being back into a corner, and you're holding your ground in an argument or disagreement. when you're winning and he's losing. he'll play into his unfortunate-baby face-sweet-boy persona and say, "i'm only telling you/doing this because i love you!" armin slaps, "I don't know what you want me to do." at the end of most arguments because he knows it will make you quit arguing out of pure frustration.

we can all agree armin goes through your phone

he immediately clicks on iMessage to see who you’ve been texting. snoops through everything. pictures, contacts, notes. all of it. armin goes all up in your private dm’s, discord, looks through your snapchats. who you’ve been sending tiktoks to. he’s so extra, he even scrolls on your social media timelines. your dash. your fyp. just to see what you’re always looking and giggling at bc who is making you laugh if it’s not him ? arminknows he won’t find anything and that you would never do anything behind his back. but he looks anyway and holds his breath just in case. and, if he does find something he doesn’t like, he will confront you about it and not even address the bigger question

major attachment issues. in bold, italics and regular size font.

the root cause being his parents died when he was really young and was only raised by his grandpa who worked all the time. /: armin definitely has mommy issues. he's very anxious to pleasure you and do everything you want him to bc a.) he's hopelessly devoted to you b.) for some reason he think it'll make you love him more. armin will get really attached to you after the first date, and everything in your relationship moves quickly. he says i love you first. 3 months into the relationship you’re moving in together. engaged after 1 year, married 6 months later. he’s sensitive and in tune with everything you’re doing and feeling and saying. the slightest change in your voice, oh you must be mad at him. when you're literally just tired and have 0 energy, he must be annoying you. armin needs regular reassurance and validation. he will straight up ask “do you still love me?” at least once a day.

armin gets jealous so. so easily.

armin thinks he's not good enough for you and that you deserve someone who can do the things he can't, while simultaneously not being able to bear the thought of you being with another man. he views other guys as a threat and is off-putting on purpose. he goes through your followers and interactions daily and reports guys who leave compliments and thirsts. he gives guys dirty looks when he see's them obviously looking at you. will ask trap questions like "would you still be with me if you could start your life over?" armin is well liked among your girlfriends but makes no effort with your guy friends, and has succeeded in distancing you from a few of them. he disguises ultimatums as open communication. armin's jealousy is a delicate spectrum.

he's very possessive of you.

you're his everything and he wants everyone to know that. you're so gorgeous, he's not gonna hide you away. armin recognizes that you're your own person, and you can show off however you'd like. as long as he's somewhere in the background. he encourages that you tag him in all your posts. he fights for his life trying to convince you to let him come with you while you go out with your friends and he wins most of the time. but when he has to stay home, he stays up and waits for you, he double/triple texts and asks when you'll be home even though you made a point to give him a timeframe. and don't even be 5 minutes late because armin already has seventy-five questions lined up. if he's feeling extra silly, he'll start a fight over text. 🤪

2023. do not copy or repost any work by arlertwitch on any other platform. violators will be prosecuted. 🪼 — @artsyblkblocked / @sleazymac-n-cheesy / @arlerts-angel / @chiinni / @aegonslawyer / @stoned-eren /

[onsunnyside]

Persistence 2 & 3 🤤 with our Captain Steve Rogers please!!

𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 | dark alpha!frat boy!Steve Rogers x omega!sorority!reader [Captain’s Legacy]

𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | dark themes and elements, typical HCV warnings, manipulation, shared sex tape aftermath (without consent).

𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | An Arcadia-Kappa party brings your worst nightmare.

Yandere Prompts: P is for... Persistence 2. “I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth. No matter where you run, I’ll catch you.”  3. “Did you really think I wouldn’t find you?”

𝗪/𝗖 | 791

𝗔/𝗡 | i didn’t know if you meant a steve au, but i just wrote something for captain’s legacy instead !! consider this a peek into the future. i wouldn't call him a yandere but this is dark alpha steve from HCV, so as mean and manipulative as always.

The eerie silence shatters with a familiar deep voice and your phone falls to the floor, an awful crack filling the air. “The buses don’t run this late, I thought you would’ve known that.” He glances around the empty street, the yellow lights dimly glowing, barely illuminating the sidewalk or closed shops. It’s late, long since people have retired to their homes and cozy beds—as you should be. “Did you really think I wouldn’t find you?”

You can’t answer, frozen where you stand at the deserted bus stop with your haphazardly packed bags. The oxygen gets thinner the closer he gets, and soon you’re trembling and hiccuping into your hands, the mere sound of his voice brings back the waves of humiliation. 

“You didn’t even stay for the movie.” 

“Movie? Is that what you’re calling it?” You scoff. Flashes of your nude and vulnerable body come rushing back with shame hot on their tail. There you were, plastered on the big screen for everyone (only the Arcadia assholes) to see, ridicule, guilt, and laugh at. 

“I was in it too. Don’t you think I feel bad?”

“No! I don’t, because that’s what you wanted! You always said you’d show people but…” 

“You didn’t believe me.” Steve finished like it was the simplest thing in the world and didn’t bring you to the ground right then and there. 

You fought that weakness in your knees, willing yourself to stand upright for as long as you could. “I-I can’t do this anymore—” His features distort when tears pool in your eyes, “I want to go home, please—let me go.” 

“You aren’t thinking straight, baby. Look at yourself.” 

Your gaze drops to your feet, sockless in your boots and your pyjama pants wet from the snow. The winter breeze sinks through your thin sweater and the cruel December air prickles along your skin, almost as painful and unrelenting as the aching in your chest. 

“Why can’t you just let me leave?”

He reaches for you but hesitates when you flinch, “Why?” He echos, “I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.” 

Your heart swells, soaking up every ounce of sweetness in his words. You starved for it, wept and longed for it, any smidge of love, devotion, appreciation or want—the very things you were denied as a child. And it’s coming from the man who has hurt you the most.

But then he ruins it, tilting your chin up and forcing you to meet his eyes. “No matter where you run, I’ll catch you.” 

You try to push him away, but his hand grips your throat. He doesn’t squeeze or jerk you around, he holds you there, daring you to do something. “You—You said you wouldn’t show anyone.”

“And, I didn’t.” He promises, rubbing his fingers on your gland, “If I did, the whole school would’ve seen it. Not just Arcadia and Kappa.”  

Perhaps the next time you try to run away, you’ll remember just how many people have seen that little naughty film. Tonight was only the beginning, and if you didn’t clean up your act soon, the whole college would know how desperate Kappa’s legacy really was. 

“Don’t you believe me, sweetheart? I’ve done so much for you,” the list is endless, “I love you. Why would I ruin all of what we have just to seem cool in front of my friends?”

Steve was remarkably intelligent and friendly with the professors, and they’d do anything to keep the star football captain happy, but he hasn’t only helped you academically, your new clothes and laptop are prime examples of that. And you were happy—you are happy, right? 

“Doesn’t that seem dumb? You’re my baby and you’ve already had such a tough day. I wouldn’t hurt you like this.” He lies straight through his teeth, wrapping your pretty head in false security. “It was Bryce, he took it from my room and thought it would be funny to play in front of everyone.”  

“I can’t go back… I won’t.” You shake your head, feeling hot streams down your cheeks. It pains you to seek comfort in his touch. His presence and warmth wash over you, reviving those confusing feelings that occupy your mind every hour of every day. Even now, when you wanted nothing to do with him, they were as bright as ever. 

“The guys are talking to him right now.” Steve exhales, tugging you close. You fall into his chest easily, weeping into his sweater. “He’s never gonna hurt you again, I promise.” One by one, he swings your bags over his shoulder and gently takes your hand, as if you could shatter if he breathed too hard. “Let’s go home, omega. It’s too late for you to be out.” 

[beauty-and-passion]

Time to talk about the flower shirt

You read the title. Time to talk about this.

This is the infamous flower shirt Thomas put on in his store and, since the fandom is the fandom, everyone started to speculate about those flowers.

At first, I didn’t want to do it. They’re just flowers and other people already talked about them, so what could I possibly add to the conversation?

But while I was writing about Orange, I had to talk a moment about the orange flower. It was supposed to be a small parenthesis, just a couple of words about that.

But then I looked at the other flowers and what other people told/not told about them and how some didn’t find Patton’s flower... so here I am, adding my two cents to this theme.

You needed it? Probably not. Well, I’m writing it anyway.

So let’s take a closer look at those flowers and see each one in detail:

__________________________________

Roman: Red rose

Should I really explain why it’s perfect for Roman? Red roses are the universal symbol of love. Basically in all cultures red roses symbolize passion, true love, romance and desire. Also, according to this website, even the shade has a meaning! In fact, the deeper the red shade is, the stronger is the passion.

And even the number of red roses has a meaning! In this case, we have only one single red rose and that "represents love at first sight, or if it’s coming from a long-term partner, they are saying “you are still the one”.”

You know what that made me think? About Thomas telling Roman “You’re my hero”. A perfect symbol that he was “still the one” for Thomas.

__________________________________

Orange: Lantana camara

This is an incredibly peculiar flower.

Lantana Camara symbolizes severity and rigour. And this alone can be analyzed in all possible ways, but there are other interesting details about this plant I think it's worth mentioning.

Lantana is toxic for livestock, such as cattle, sheep, horses, dogs and goats. According to Wikipedia, previous studies suggested it could be toxic for humans too, especially the green unripe berries. However "other studies have found evidence which suggests that its fruit poses no risk to humans".

Lantana is a freaking invasive plant. In some areas, it's so predominant, to reduce biodiversity, because its presence "can significantly slow down the regeneration of forests, by preventing the growth of new trees". Also, as if this isn't enough, this plant can also produce toxic chemicals which inhibit other plant species.

Lantana has also a great adaptability, that helped it to be so invasive: it can live in a wide range of different environmental conditions, it can survive long periods without water, heck it's even resistant to fire. It's not a plant you can underestimate. Like Orange, I assume.

But Lantana isn't just an invasive plant. Lantana has always been used for medical purposes, because it showed good antimicrobial, fungicidal and insecticidal properties and its extract helps against respiratory infections and ulcers.

Also, since it doesn't have many pests or diseases, lantana became a common ornamental plant. It even attracts butterflies!

In other words: isn't that the perfect plant to symbolize the double nature of a dark side? It can be a threat, change the environment, destroy and even kill. But it can also be a medicine, something useful, something beautiful.

Whoever Orange is, Lantana camara tells us that, whithout a doubt, he’s a dark side.

__________________________________

Janus: Sunflower

Do you think Janus isn't perfect enough as he is? Do you think there's not enough husband material in the snek?

Well, you’re wrong and the sunflower is here to prove it.

Sunflower symbolizes loyalty, adoration, longevity, vitality, worship. Now add this up to the sunflower’s behaviour and how it follows the sun... and you’ll get Janus. Janus literally acts like a sunflower: Thomas is his sun and everything Janus does is for him. His whole existence is centered around Thomas.

But we already knew that, because it's the same message that shone through his playlist. Everything about Janus tells us how much he adores Thomas, from his canonical behavior in the series, to his playlist, to this flower.

Oh, do you need another proof that this is flower is perfect for Janus? Some societies use sunflowers as religious symbols. Ah, some good ol' reference to religion: it’s like being in his playlist all over again.

And, of course, sunflowers are used for a variety of reasons, like cooking oils, skin care and so on. Even the flower says self care.

This man is perfect.

__________________________________

Remus: Green chrysanthemum

Here's another interesting flower.

Chrysanthemum symbolizes death and it’s the typical flower used for funerals. And I thought this was its universal meaning. It was perfect for Remus just like that.

But then I found out that Europeans use chrysanthemums for funerals and to honor the dead. This flower actually has a whole lot of meanings, some completely different from this.

In China, for example, chrysanthemums are associated with wealth, prosperity and long life. Also they're symbols of new life and reincarnations, so they're the perfect gift for old people or newborns.

While in Japan chrysanthemums are symbols of power and royalty. And that's even more fitting for Remus, because he's a Duke, so he is royalty.

But chrysanthemum also symbolizes friendship - and not just "a friendship", but a meaningful one. It's a symbol of loyalty, devotion, romantic/platonic love and, in general, positive energy. It's a flower with an incredibly strong meaning, so it can't be given too lightly.

And this makes it even more perfect for Remus. It's a flower with a huge plurality of meanings, it's both associated with life and death, it's powerful and it's royalty.

Also, you can eat it. Isn't that the perfect Remus flower?

(On a side note: please notice how chrysanthemums and sunflowers are both associated with joy, loyalty and devotion. I would have never considered "joy" a common trait between Janus and Remus while loyalty and devotion... well, they both care about Thomas and his career and they both work for him despite not being accepted, so I can see why those are common traits.)

__________________________________

Patton: Nemophila

Surprise surprise, this flower wasn't easy to find. I’ve never heard of it, so I had to search among endless lists of blue flowers, hoping to find one that would perfectly match the one on the shirt.

And that’s how I found nemophila.

First of all: nemophila is also known as "Baby Blue Eyes" and it's an extremely rare color to find in nature. It’s very famous in Japan, thanks to the Hitachi Seaside Park. Open this link: it’s a literal sea of blue and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it attracts people every year.

Nemophila represents prosperity, congratulations on success and victory. Not the first things you would associate with Patton, right?

Well, while I was searching more informations about this flower, I found out this website about the essence of Baby Blue Eyes and the passage I quoted down below has the exact same words you can find on that link:

With its pronounced affinity for water, the Baby Blue Eyes flower essences addresses qualities of tender sensitivity, innocence and trust associated one’s early childhood relationship to the father, or other significant masculine figures that are in some way disturbed.

Very often the father was absent, or there was a lack of support or genuine presence. The Baby Blue Eyes type attempts over time to cover this wound of vulnerability with a false “hardening,” such as emotional distancing, mistrust, cynicism or spiritual alienation. It is a flower that can be equally helpful for men or women, although it is especially needed for many men who struggle to become strong, by disowning their pain.

So nemophilia’s essence has qualities associated with childhood, to the father figure and attempts to “repress” and hide emotions.

That’s Patton. That’s him, period. The childhood-related emotions, that are linked to Patton’s longing for “a simpler time”. The mentions of a father figure - who migh be absent or showing lack of support (like, idk, suggesting you should die so your friends live?). And the attempt to “cover the vulnerability” doesn’t remind you anything? Like the Nostalgia episodes?

This flower is Patton.

__________________________________

Logan: Blue petunia

I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, a huge "FUCK YOU" to this flower, because I spent TWO DAYS searching all the blue flowers in the world and all possible variants, asking myself why this goddamn flower looked so familiar and why it was so hard to find. Blue isn't even a common color in nature, so why couldn't I find it?

I've learned more about blue flowers in these two days than in my entire life. I've searched among flowers I never saw before, like glandora diffusa, leschenaultia and omphalodes verna. I was so desperate to consider this flower a new species, with the petals of a bellflower and the corolla of a morning glory. I even found a goddamn chinese variant of the morning glory that was somehow similar but not that much and why, WHY this was so hard to find?!

And then, after two days and a lot more desperation, I remembered: my dear friend @reptilianwithscallions​ told me about a post they made, regarding this shirt and the flowers. Maybe they had some idea about Logan's flower?

Well, let's all thank my saviour and this post, because otherwise I would've kept searching until the end of my days.

Long story short, Logan's flower is a fucking blue petunia.

And it's a very peculiar choice, because petunias have multiple meanings, several of which can be contradictory.

In general, petunia symbolizes anger and resentment. It reminds someone that you're still angry or disappointed by their actions and you haven’t gotten over the things that caused these feelings.

Oh my, I didn't know we were back in Logan's playlist. It's basically what he kept expressing towards Thomas with his songs: that he was angry at Thomas for his decision, that he doesn't approve that Thomas hasn't "a real job" and so on. Petunia is a flower that screams passive-aggressive, so it's perfect for Logan.

But petunia's meaning deeply changes, depending on the color of the flower. And while petunia in general symbolizes anger, a blue petunia is a symbol of peacefulness, intimacy and deep trust, shared between two or more people. It's so wholesome, because the deep trust reminds me - again - of Logan's playlist and how it ended: no matter what, he and Thomas are always best friends.

Also, petunia flowers have even a secret meaning behind. Since they’re also gifted to new neighbors or to people who have just moved into a new home, they represent a perfect welcome and a way to express affection and kindness to others.

You’re lucky to be so wholesome, you tricky flower.

__________________________________

Virgil: Perennial Geranium

Geranium is a confused flower.

Some of the other flowers have conflicted meanings, but not as much as this flower. These are the most common meanings I found:

Folly or Stupidity

Gentility and kind nature

Clever minds

Ingenuity

Melancholy

Perfect gift for a bride

You can gift it to someone with whom you have planned a meeting 

You can gift it to someone with whom you haven't planned a meeting, just to make them feel welcomed

True Friendship

See? It’s confused.

Aside from jokes, this variety of meanings is due to its great diffusion: since geraniums grow everywhere, every culture gave them a different meaning. And sometimes these meanings depend on the situation too.

Awww, isn't it perfect for Virgil? He can be good and bad at the same time. Anxiety can be bad for Thomas and detrimental for his life, but it can also be the alarm Thomas needs. It depends on the situation.

And, just like geraniums in general symbolize positive emotions, happiness and friendship, so Virgil is in general a good guy. All he does is for Thomas' wellbeing, not against him.

And this is confirmed by the vast use of geranium's essential oil. It's one of the most popular and it has a ton of properties: anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, decongestant, relaxing and so on. Just like our Virge boy can be incredibly useful under the right circumstances. (Did someone say "Flirting with social Anxiety"?)

Also, geraniums are simple, humble flowers that usually grow outside, but then we take them and make them part of our homes. Once again, it’s Virgil: he's an outsider, he's humble, he talks bad about himself - but Thomas and the others took him and made him part of the famILY anyway.

__________________________________

Thomas: Cherry blossom

I searched this flower everywhere and the only one that looks like the one on the shirt is the cherry blossom. Why did Thomas make a cherry blossom with eight petals, when they all have five? I have no idea. Is this a different flower, maybe? Maybe, but I’m done: I've looked at enough flowers and I don’t have any strength left.

As you probably already know, cherry blossoms are extremely important in Japan. They're beautiful, they're everywhere and they're meaningful.

Why? Because cherry blossoms are considered the perfect metaphor for human existence. When they blossom it's a pink ocean, a party, people go to admire them - but they’re short lived, because in two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. It's just like human life: a small, rich, glorious parenthesis in the void. Something little and precious that ends soon.

But cherry blossoms also symbolize rebirth, optimism, hopes and dreams. When they bloom, it means springtime is coming and spring has always been associated with renewal.

That’s a very good choice for character Thomas. He’s basically a cherry blossom, the whole series is: something that reminds us how beautiful life is, how multi-faceted, how important. Just like Thomas' single being encompasses seven different sides of himself, so life presents a wide range of choices, of aspects, of flavours. All beautiful, all worthy of appreciation, no matter how different they can be from you and your experience.

And this becomes even more important, in relation to the passage of time and the transience of life. Because life is short and, after that, there won't be any more time to appreciate anything.

In addition to that, I would like to point out how the theme of passage of time is something we already saw in the series. And not just one time, but several. Since the first season, we have episodes all around the concept of growing up, growing old, not being a child anymore, becoming an adult. And the last Aside keeps going in this direction. It's clear this is a big theme and its connection with the cherry blossoms proves it.

But why is the flower so different on the shirt? Because Thomas wanted to mess up with us? Probably. Almost certainly. Once again, thank you Mr. Sanders for making me question everything.

The floor is (figuratively) yours now: if you have any other information, thoughts or opinions, feel free to share them.

_______________________________

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[makeste]

hello! I’ve seen some debate as to whether the 2nd meant allies in general would bolster izuku and although I do think that’s true (ofc any sort of support system that he lets himself rely on would bolster him) I feel like if that was what was meant it would’ve been made clearer? maybe instead of just katsuki showing up, the final panel would’ve had several students burst onto the scene. what are your thoughts?

agreed. and incidentally this is another big reason why it's not Toga. if it was her then Horikoshi wouldn't have devoted any time to OFA II's little hype speech. it just makes it kind of pointless, unless this whole time we've been sleeping on Toga's hidden ability to bolster Deku lmao.

but anyways, yeah. and I mean, Two's commentary here is really just acknowledgement of something we've long since known already. Kacchan is the one who will ultimately be able to reach Deku. we don't actually need a piece of dialogue to tell us this, because the manga has been showing it to us since day one. his resume is fucking stacked. I mean, let's go through it.

he is mean.

I love this you guys. I honest to god love it. because the thing is, if you ask anyone what Kacchan's absolute worst quality is, this would be the obvious answer, right? "he's an asshole" lmao.

but that's exactly what we need right now!! someone who's not afraid to tell it like it is, and won't try to sugarcoat things. someone who's not afraid to argue back and risk hurting someone's feelings. because right now Deku is walking all over anyone who can't do that. All Might tries to feed him lunch and he's like "nah I'm good, anyways bye." Endeavor tries to tell him to rest and he's all "I'm fine" and fucking hangs up the phone. nuh uh. enough of that. what we need is someone who will call him out on his shit. "hah!? don't tell me you're fine when it's obvious to anyone you can barely stand on your own two feet, dumbass."

he is stubborn.

kind of ties into the other thing, but yeah. right now we need a bullheaded asshole who won't take no for an answer if he thinks he's right. good luck trying to sweet talk your way out of this one, Deku.

he understands the situation.

this one is important, because in fairness, simply standing in front of Deku and saying "you shall not pass" isn't gonna be enough to actually accomplish anything here. ultimately he's going to have to be able to reason with Deku too. and so in that respect, it certainly doesn't hurt that Kacchan is someone who understands the OFA situation as well as anyone, and has always had clear judgment about it. he understands the threat of AFO ("they all died young"), and he understands the burden of All Might's legacy. he knows what Deku is dealing with, and that's going to give him an edge when it comes to finding that elusive-yet-critical talk no jutsu knockout blow.

he's been where Deku is now.

Kacchan knows a thing or two about burdens. granted, they've more often than not been ones that he's put on himself, but that didn't make them any less heavy. Deku right now is struggling not just with his feelings of responsibility, but also with all of the misplaced guilt that's feeding into it. AFO is targeting him. if innocent people get caught in the crossfire then that's on him. every minute that AFO stays out there getting stronger and causing more chaos is all on him, because he hasn't defeated him yet. and so on and so forth.

and Katsuki knows what that's like. because he blamed himself for what happened to All Might. that feeling of "if I'd only been stronger" is one that he's intimately acquainted with. that feeling of blaming yourself, of not being able to look someone you care about in the eye because you think it's your fault they got hurt. this is something he knows. this is a road he's already been down. and so if Deku tries to pull any "you don't understand" nonsense, Kacchan is uniquely situated to immediately shoot that shit right down.

he's immune to low blows.

lol I keep thinking of all the different counterarguments that Deku could make, and all the different ways in which Kacchan is perfectly equipped to handle them. anyway, so this particular thing is a very recent development, but very fortunately timed. so as we all know, Kacchan was a first class dick to Deku during their childhood. something which Deku, with his abnormally kind and forgiving nature, has never once confronted Kacchan about, even though he would have absolutely had the right. but anyway, so here's the thing though -- right now I fully believe that Deku can and will do or say just about anything in order to get Kacchan and the others to leave. and that includes hurting them in order to save them. so it would not surprise me at all if Deku goes as far as to throw Katsuki's old, cruel, selfish behavior back in his face as part of a last-ditch effort to get him to back down. desperate times and all that.

and maybe there was a time when that actually would have worked. but here's the other thing -- we know something Deku doesn't. namely, that Kacchan has recently leveled up emotionally and has finally unlocked his atonement quest. he finally understands that it's not all about him. which means that it doesn't matter even if Deku pulls out the big guns. he may hurt his feelings, but he's not going to scare him off, because Kacchan's focus right now is on atonement, not forgiveness. he's not doing this for a pat on the head. he's doing it because it's the right thing to do. and no amount of insults will be able to sway him from that.

he learned from the best.

I said this in another post a couple of weeks back, but yeah. Angsty Nomad Deku has nothing on early Kacchan in terms of pushing people away. early Kacchan was the motherfucking king of pushing peeps away. if you so much as LOOKED at this kid in such a way that SUGGESTED you might even be THINKING about possibly trying to save him, he would straight up throw a ten-year hissy fit lmao. Deku's "All Might, you don't have to tag along anymore"s ain't got SHIT on all of Kacchan's "STAY BACK DEKU"s and "I'D RATHER LOSE!!!"s and "OMFG HOW DARE YOU BE THE ONLY PERSON TO TRY TO SAVE ME FROM THIS RAMPAGING SLUDGE MAN WHO'S ABOUT TO SUFFOCATE ME TO DEATH"s. Kacchan is the undisputed goat here lol.

but anyway, so what this means is that he has accumulated a whole HOST of iconic lines and fateful parallels which he can throw back in Deku's face at a moment's notice. and the best part is that he learned it all from THIS EXACT MOTHERFUCKER, RIGHT HERE. what is Deku even gonna do!! argue against his own past actions?? "well, uh, I guess now that you mention it I should have just sat back and watched you die all those times" OH REALLY?? YOU DON'T SAY. THAT SOUNDS SO CONVINCING.

and so guess what, Deku -- if Kacchan was worth saving, then you're worth saving too. it's an ironclad argument. congratulations son you played yourself.

he always wins.

okay so real talk, we all know that what's really driving Deku right now is his fear of losing people. he's helpless against that. he saw Kacchan get stabbed right before his eyes and it fucked him up. he saw all these other people getting hurt and killed because he couldn't save them, and he straight up could not deal with those emotions at all. he's scared. he's more afraid of that happening again than of anything else. and AFO knows that, and that's why he's resorted to his current tactics, which have isolated Deku even further and caused him to push even All Might away.

what Deku is missing right now, and what he needs to have restored, is trust. trust is the antidote to fear. and when you're as scared as Deku is, it takes an extraordinary amount of assurance in order to ease those fears. basically you don't want to place your faith in anything less than an absolutely sure thing.

but Kacchan is exactly that. this is the exact type of situation that Kacchan's "aiming for the top" overkill confidence was made for. he's the one who never loses!! the hero who's going to surpass all other heroes!! Deku inherited All Might's compassion, but Kacchan inherited his determination. Kacchan is someone who brings reassurance. his confidence is unwavering. and in the end, I think it will be strong enough to pull even Deku back out from the darkness.

he is strong.

Kacchan is Deku's rival in every sense of the word, and I fully believe he's capable of matching him step for step even now. and so Deku can try to push him away, but Kacchan is capable of withstanding that force and staying his ground. Deku can try to run, but Kacchan still has him matched for speed. and as a last resort, Deku can even try to defeat him -- but Kacchan won't ever concede to defeat.

and all of this ties back into what I was saying about trust. because Kacchan is strong. strong enough not to die. strong enough to live. strong enough to not make others worry about him. and that's what Deku so desperately needs right now in order to finally let go of his fears. Deku needs someone who can get him to trust in others again, and to do that, he has to be able to trust in their strength.

and last but not least...

he has a secret weapon up his sleeve.

several, as a matter of fact. his hero name reveal. his apology, if he chooses to give it now (though I could see him waiting for a more sincere moment, rather than whipping it out now when it could be misconstrued as a manipulation tactic). but perhaps most importantly...

never underestimate the power of an iconic role reversal. because that's what I'm getting at here, if it wasn't clear lol. this probably would have worked better if I had a picture of him actually reaching out to Deku. but I mean, that's kind of the point lol. I don't have one because he hasn't done it yet. BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE. good luck withstanding that, Deku.

so yeah. look at all that. he really is a one-man Deku-saving army. which is not to say that the other kids won't have a part to play as well, or that it's not important for them to be there, because it is. but as far as the lead role goes, it's Kacchan. like that astronaut meme guy says. always has been.

oh and as a bonus he was smart enough to finally leave the mask at home today lol. LET DEKU SEE THE SINCERITY IN YOUR EYES. YESSSSSSS.

[terrence-silver]

Some Yandere!Terry Silver headcanons, please?🐍🖤

giffie provided by the beautiful @atmostories

- When Terry hates, he hates all the way. No middle grounds. Without limits, reservations or boundaries. Same goes for when he loves someone, as rare as that may be. He relinquishes all sense, all reason and absolutely embraces bias and favouritism without even hiding that he does. As I keep reiterating, his person is simply the best, the greatest, the loveliest, the most correct person that ever was, purely by virtue of them being his person. There might be a great trace of narcissism to such a stance too seeing as how Terry can't comprehend a world where anyone associated with him isn't purely the most admirable individual because why on earth would he of all people associated with anything less in the first place? Sure, objectively, you might be the most commonly mundane person, but not to Terry. No. To Terry you're extraordinary and he'll demand everyone else to hold such an opinion under duress if need be, and he tends to turn real antagonistic and standoffish real quick if he finds someone isn't fawning over his person the way they ought to. But, if they fawn too much, well -- that doesn't please him either and might just inspire jealousy. No winning with him. He loves that he's so hard to appease.

- He is also one for control. He is a control freak to excess. So, a Yandere!Terry might hold a certain resentment if he falls in love. Because one can't control who and when they fall for someone. It is usually entirely spontaneous and unpredictable and Terry doesn't like surprises, especially not of the emotional kind because he might feel it leaves him exposed and vulnerable. Endows him with another weakness he didn't previously have - so, in light of that, for a while, he might be out to hurt you. Toy with you. Test your resolve. Prod and poke at you, like a voodoo doll - sadist that he is. He might even take you and tuck you away somewhere within some dark corner of his mansion and not let out out until he figures out just what to do next, strategically. Or he might observe you. Stalk you. Research you from afar. Collect some of your things, or steal them rather. Outright manipulate and induce mental anguish in a roundabout way - he doesn't quite enjoy the emotions you've inspired in him, due to his own issues of just needing to have ever miniscule thing in order, at all times, even the things connected to his own heart. Especially those things. So, once you do, for the longest time, you're Terry's enemy and you've officially declared war. The devil works hard, but Terry Silver works harder.

- He gives obsession by definition a whole new meaning, because in spite of his partial resentment and adoration towards you, he'll also want all of you. All. Literally all. The good. The bad. The very worst. The very best. Everything in between. There's honestly just no telling how far it goes when he starts adopting actual tid-bits of your behaviour or mannerism into his own because that's how he shows his love. His attachment. Through imitation. Through...adopting some miniscule trace of your habits or your appearance, or maybe he just starts tapping his fingers to excess on the surface of a table in anticipation once he catches wind of you doing, or perhaps, he starts incorporating your favourite color into his attire, purely because it's your most preferred one. Not unlike a black hole, Terry has the tendency to consume. Consume fear. Consume power. Consume markers of hedonism. Consume identities, if need be. Either due to grief. Remembrance. Possession. Merely because he can. Because he wants to. Your body's his. And your heart is his. Your soul is his. Everything you own is his. Your very personhood might as well be his as well. He sees no reason why he shouldn't usurp everything his darling has to offer and then some. What he does with his new stake of ownership is another thing entirely - whether he loves or destroys or both is of little importance, because he sees, he likes, he claims and then proceeds doing whatever he pleases. End of discussion.

- People from your past might mysteriously start, uh, falling off. Disappearing. Distancing themselves from you. Surely, Terry had no part in it, except, well, now that he's here, he sees no reason why you should need anyone else? Isn't it a given he's the best? And as such, more then a worthy replacement for any amount of individuals serving as your support system prior to him arriving? Surely, he's a far superior choice. He outmatches anyone and everyone. You don't need those other pesky nobodies. Those distractions. He slips sweet poison into your ears and convinces you he's all you ever needed and craved, but you simply didn't even know. But, oh, he's the face of kindness and he came along in the nick of time to help you. What an angel. He's all favours. Good, well-meaning advice. Strategic encouragement. Protection. Being eerily there whenever you need him. And he'll make sure you need him all the time. He wants you to be unable to function without him, crippling all your defenses. He says the exact perfect thing you want to hear, at the exact, perfect calculated time, like someone capable of reading minds. He gives affection and then removes it. Gives it and removes it. Hot and cold. Hot and cold. He keeps repeating the process, both overstimulating you emotionally, only to suddenly deny you enough times where you're a simpering, stuttering pathetic, dependable little mess for him. Putty in his hands. He'll play you like a fiddle. And you'll dance to his tune eagerly because he'll make sure you adore him and want to appease him so much he'll land himself with a sweet little slave. No, no - he's not an egoistic narcissist, he's just looking after his investment and making sure nobody infringes upon it. And how could anyone possibly, if there's nobody beside you but him?

- Although, that being said, nothing's for free, right? Not even him caring for darling you. Don't you know how very exclusive that is? How rare? How unusual. Terry hasn't been significantly close to much of anyone but John Kreese, and that's a camaraderie forged in blood and war, two decades in the making, so for you to be deemed so very special, above all others, the least you can do is repay Terry's emotional courtesy, after he's allowed you into his inner circle like this. After he's allowed as much as your fingers to graze his skin. Don't you know he doesn't fancy being touched by much of anyone else, almost? Don't you know he isn't kind to just about anyone, but his people? Don't you figure you owe him something after he's provided you with every luxury and comfort known to man? Practically pampering and fussing you to trips and trinkets and indulgences? How lucky you are. How privileged. One in a million. And of course, being something of a petulant, unpredictable Yandere himself, what he expects in payment is your undying desire, devotion and discipline. He wants you yearning for him, always. He wants your undying, absolute loyalty. And he wants you attuned, focused and his. He expects to domineer every aspect of your life just due to the fact that he showed you the vague mercy of allowing you in. He's nitpicky and a perfectionist, so, if he singled you out as something or someone he wants, he expects the fact he put in actual time, effort, conditioning and proper seduction into you to a fruitful venture. Don't you know that for a billionaire with his own world-wide conglomerate, time's the most expensive capital in the world? So, if he gives you some of his, he expects it given back by the tenfold.

- For all his many shenanigans, cat and mouse games, tricks, ploys, schemes, obsessive outburst, denial, once Terry loves you, he loves you, and not in five, ten, fifteen, fifty years will that state of mind ever change for him and in spite of his best, most desperate borderline strategic methods to prevent being commanded by a feeling, he still ends up very much controlled by it and really, everything he does to you, ultimately, he does to himself too, invertedly, falling into a trap of his own making. If he strived to make you his slave, he becomes yours. If he tried to make you putty in his hands, he eventually became just that where you are concerned. If he wished to make you disciplined, devoted and full of desire for him, that's the stance he takes towards you. He becomes a mirror image of all his actions and they reflect back on him, and his dedication to you becomes a lifetime affair. You're his most prized person. His madness. And rock. And light. And everything. Where Terry's concerned, you're one. You're an Ouroboros. Snake biting a snake's tail. Infinity. Where he begins and you end is hard to gage, because in his plans to slowly consume you, you've consumed him as well, it's best not to test or try him where the question of just how far he'd go for your sake is in question, because Terry would go to any lengths, by any means, for any and no reason, and if he had to pollute and burn down and kill and manipulate the whole world for your sake, he would. His adoration, turns out, can be a very dark place to be.

[rughydrangea]

I know that Ming Lan is a beloved drama, and so anything I have to say about it has probably been better said by somebody already, but I just finished it and am fully basking in the glow of this gorgeous show so...

While I would not describe myself as a person who necessarily watches TV/movies specifically for romance (I’m an avowed spinster irl, so the idea that life is best spent in a pair is one that, uh, makes me kind of sad tbh!), what I really love about well-done romance, besides kiss scenes (yes, I’m shallow), is how it can so sharply and clearly delineate character. And Ming Lan is a master-class in that arena.

What I love about this show is that, for all that Ming Lan and Ting Ye have radically different personalities and backgrounds, they at heart are driven by a very similar core need: they both desperately want love and family, in large part because they both lost their mothers at very young ages and were left adrift in families that consistently refused to prioritize them.

What separates them, essentially, is gender, or rather the way that their society treats gender. As a man, and particularly as a rich nobleman, Ting Ye from an early age is able to search for the love he needs outside of his home. It’s well-established that in his youth he frequented brothels and presumably he was there able to purchase the expression of affection, which he genuinely needed, being raised by a father who could only punish him and a step-mother whose love was hollow. I don’t mean this in a judgy way at all--Ting Ye was a deeply scarred child, and it’s only natural that as soon as he could, he started searching outside for something that resembled the love that he had never known in his own home. It helps explain how he spent so much time not seeing Manniang for what she was--as long as she could give him the physical/emotional attention that he craved, it was tough for him to see that it was fake (and ditto for his step-mum). And this explains why he’s such an incredible father--he didn’t just need love, he needed people to love, and his children gave him that. 

On the opposite side of the coin, as a daughter, and especially as the daughter of a concubine, Ming Lan learned early and deeply that love/affection/family ties/the whole shebang is worth very little. With the sole exception of her grandmother, Ming Lan’s entire life after the death of her mother was spent with the certain knowledge that nobody was on her side, not even her father--and she knew just as clearly that there was nothing she could do to change that. Her life had to become small, had to be squeezed into a corner of the Sheng manor, so that nobody would perceive her as a threat, so that nobody would come for her, because if they did, she knew that would be the end. Ming Lan has a deep capacity for love, we can see that through her fierce devotion to the memory of her mother and her grandmother, and even in the way she treats Chang Bai and Ru Lan and Hua Lan, her least shitty siblings. And we can see how she craves love in the way she really did her best to be true to Qi Heng in the face of overwhelming external opposition. But the lesson she learned in her mother’s death really did stay learned: she knew never to expect too much, never to fully rely on another person for anything--because if even her own father can’t be relied on, then who can be?

So when Ting Ye and Ming Lan get married, they are both animated by the same drive, the need to love and be loved, but the society they live in has primed them in basically opposite ways as to how to seek and perceive that love. And then the narrative of their marriage is basically them learning to understand how they each have learned to love: Ting Ye has to see that love isn’t contained in words or obvious outward displays, but in steadfast attitudes, in devotion when there’s no hope of a reward (so for him, I think the moment where he really gets Ming Lan is when she refuses to separate from him, even when she thinks that he’s basically done for, and is about to be sentenced as a criminal. Even though it would be beneficial to her and her child to separate, she refuses, and in that action, she shows Ting Ye that love isn’t in what you say or do in a moment, but in how you face time).

Conversely, Ming Lan has to learn that sometimes, though rarely, to be fair, a person who says they love you and will care for you and protect you can be trusted to actually hold true to those words. She marries Ting Ye of her own free will, but there’s always a part of her that she holds apart, because the entire life she has lived has done nothing but teach her that people (besides Grandma) cannot be trusted, no matter what they say. And that was the right lesson for her to learn in the Sheng house, where even those people with good hearts (Grandma, Chang Bai) didn’t always have the power to ensure that she was consistently safe and treated well. But Ting Ye’s love was real, and he really was dedicated to her, and even with rebellions popping up, she was never going to stop being his top priority. But he had to prove to her that she could trust him, and that was a slow process (and if I had to pinpoint a moment, I think she finally realized that he’s a person she can rely on no matter what came after he returned to the capital without permission just to provide moral support in the wake of Grandma’s poisoning--he put himself at risk just to be there for her).

Both of these characters have very similar root traumas, but the nature of the society they live in means they processed those traumas in radically different ways and came out the other side as very different people. But in their differences they complement each other perfectly, and I think that’s what made them such a compelling romance to follow.

[violetnotez]

fic or whatever concept: fushiguro is in love w the reader but they have a huge crush on yuuji and it’s just megumi suffering as the reader and yuuji get together and they’re actually really,,, happy??? and in love???

This is the shit I LIVE FOR -also I made a whole playlist for this idea-you can watch the vid here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Megumi x reader (not really?), Yuuji x reader

Songs to Listen to: Treat You Better (but the Kurt Hugo version, seriously, thank me later!)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Maybe if he had tried harder, this wouldn’t have ended up like this. He just felt alone, empty, with nothing to show but a broken heart and head full of bitter dreams.

Did he fool himself? That maybe, some miraculous way, he would have won?

Megumi lay on his bed, worn sweatshirt making his skin crawl and his black sweats uncomfortable to wear, his toes curling from disgust.

Nothing could get his mind off of you, even months after you started dating Yuuji.

 It almost got worse, now that you were off limits.

Funny how it works like that.

His brain seemed to just always want to think of you-the way your voice seemed to sparkle when you yell out his name, the way you look too damn cute when you’d walk out of your dorm room in the morning, hair messy and feet bare-

Fuck fuck fuck.

Megumi groaned, placing a hand on his forehead and smoothing his hair back in exasperation.

You weren’t his, and you’d never be his-he shouldn’t be thinking of you like this. You were dating his best friend after all-didn’t he have any shame?

Even though he was in so much heart ache, so much pain from the fact he couldn’t have you.....he couldn’t ever hate his friend from taking you away from him.

Yuuji was good to you, and painfully, he had to admit Yuuji was better than him in every way as a boyfriend.

Yuuji was sociable, able to strike up a conversation and make everyone feel like his best friend-Megumi wasn’t like that.

Yuuji wasn’t afraid of physical touch, constantly having a hand on your hip to keep you near him or swinging you around lovingly like he hadn’t seen you in years- he was terrified of physical touch.

Yuuji was strong, powerful, and able to protect you from the world- he couldn’t say the same for himself.

Megumi’s insecurities were infesting his body, gnawing at his bones, squirming through his muscles and into his skin, making his jaw clench and nails dig deep into his skin from disgust within himself.

Why hadn’t he at least fucking tried?

But he had been too placid, too worried of rejection, too worried of ruining your friendship-

But then again....he was just too selfless. He was willing to let everyone around him surpass him if it meant they would win, thrive, and live happy lives- even if it meant he had to suffer the consequence.

Megumi squeezed the white sheets around him, twisting them into tight spirals around his digits.

He let it happen again-he had succumbed to that fear.

Years worth of affection, years worth of admiration and dedication-washed away like it never happened., because of it And now he was dealing with the repercussion with phantoms of what could have been, with the jealousy, and a broken heart.

Megumi shifted in his bed, feeling his sweatshirt stick to his back, his hand reached out to grasp at the white beams of moonlight drifting into his room.

What would have happened if he had said no that day? Would anything have changed-if he had admitted that he did like you, that he had wanted to call you his?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He remembers that day like it was yesterday, that feeling of dread filling in his stomach as if he knew something was about to change, the shift of energy making an icy chill run along his back.

Yuuji has been behind him, leaving training as they usually do with his hands in his pockets.

It was quiet, the hallways empty except for the two of them, the wooden floors making soft clicks as it reacted to their footsteps. It should have felt peaceful, a soft breeze fluttering in from the opened windows as the sun began to set outside. But that errie sensation was still boiling in Megumi’s gut, that gnawing feeling of dread making him unable to enjoy the peace.

“Hey man, I wanted to ask you something real quick,” Yuuji’s voice stopped Megumi in his tracks, his feet halting with an echo in the empty corridor.

Megumi turned around slowly, tentatively, almost too worried to face what was behind him. 

Maybe at this time he knew what was about to happen, the feeling of dread settling.

“Sure,” he simply stated, shrugging nonchalantly as the golden sun set the room in a red hue.

“This might be a little personal,” Yuuji began, hands placed in the pockets of his sweatshirt still, “but I got a question about y/n.”

Yuuji looked at him, staring him down like two men in a duel. He was serious, more serious than Megumi had seen him in a long time.

“I know you guys are pretty close...”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Megumi stated, swallowing a ball of saliva down his dry throat.

“Well, I-“ Yuuji sighed, pink hair swaying as he looked down at the floor quickly, almost preparing himself for what he was about to say next.

“I-I wanted to ask them out.....out on a date....”

“- it okay with you?”

Megumi’s eyes widened in shock, the his whole body feeling as if hit by a ton of bricks from Yuuji’s words.

This was it-the worst case scenario, the worst thing he knew was happening but didn’t want to admit.

Megumi tried to recover quickly, his eyes slanting back down to unamused slits in a matter of seconds.

“Why are you asking me?” he questioned, trying to keep the growing panic inside him at bay,” It’s not like I dictate who she dates.”

“I think you know why.”

“I don’t.”

“Fushigoro-“

Megum sighed violently, eyes looking up at the ceiling as he tried to fight the growing pain in his heart.

“I don’t dictate your life-I don’t dictate them-and you don’t dictate mine. Do whatever the hell you want-“

“I won’t date them unless you say it’s okay for me to Fushigoro.”

Itadori’ voice had none of that boyish, playful tone to it. It was more mature than Megumi had even heard it-but something behind it was different.

It was almost like there was this desperateness to it- Yuuji needed him to say yes. Yuuji so badly wanted to call you his-just like him.

“You can say no-“ Itadori rushed on, eyes intense with anticipation, “-I won’t think less of you or hate you for it.”

Megumi watched as he shuffled uncomfortably, the knowledge that he just admitted his crush making him slightly sheepish as he scratched the back of his head.

“Hell, I know I would-” he said truthfully, “ I just don’t want to ruin our friendship by going behind your back.”

Fuck, Megumi wanted to fight for you. He wanted to so so badly.

Megumi had known you for longer, you two were close friends, he had a connection to you-didn’t he deserve to be yours after being so dedicated to only you?

Fushigoro was there for when you cried over your stresses, rubbing your back patiently as you let everything out of you, summoning his animals because he knew how much they made you happy.

He was there for your late night study sessions, the lighting hazy as the pouring rain pounded on the window, cleaning up your room of the papers and flashcards after he convinced you to go to sleep.

He trained with you when you worried you weren’t strong enough, always making sure to congratulate you in someway, fighting the redness in his cheeks after you had successfully completed a new move, your skin dangerously close to his.

God, he had waited for so long-why did the world have to fuck him over? Why did his best friend, out of all the people in the world he could form a crush on, like you like that?

But looking at Yuuji, he knew he wouldn’t win this war. Him and Yuuji were very similar in their passion and devotion, but the simple difference between them was Yuuji wasn’t afraid to be selfish.

Megumi was accustomed to backing down for everyone, sacrificing himself so the people he loved could succeed. It was an awful habit of his, maybe due to his insecurities, maybe just a routine he learned at this point, he would never know- but the fact was he knew that Yuuji would never stop fighting for you. Even if Megumi screamed at him, cursed at him, told him to fuck off and leave you alone-Yuuji wouldn’t ever stop loving you. Itadori would respect Megumi’s wishes, but he would still protect you, fight for you, and love you with everything in him.

And that much devotion coming from someone as charismatic and kind like that-what person wouldnt fall for that?

Megumi sighed, his heart breaking in two at the sudden realization hit him-he was too weak to be any threat to Yuuji.

”You’re not going behind my back.” He finally said, looking down at the floor as the self loathing boiled in his stomach.

“But you-“

“I don’t. Like them.” Megumi was seething, hating every fiber in his body for doing this to himself. Each word was choppy, the sentence laced with sternness and bitterness.

“-Do whatever the hell you want.”

Megumi needed to leave, and leave quick. He hadn’t felt this emotional in a long time, and he didn’t want Yuuji to start thinking that he was actually bothered by all of this.

He turned on his heel, ready to get out of there as quickly as possible-

“Hey Megumi- you really okay with this? This won’t change our friendship? I won’t do this unless youre okay-“

Yuuji took a step forward, hand reaching out to his friend as a peace offering, a sheepish smile on his lips.

Megumi turned, his chest tightening as he looked down at his hand, too tired to reach out for it and pretend like he didn’t hate his friend at this moment.

“They dont like me. They like you- I see it. You’ll make them happy, and that’s all I want for them.”

Yuuji smiled , seemingly content with his quiet friend’s answer.

“Thanks man,”

Megumi turned again, head hanging low as he quickly left the corridor, desperate to get out of there.

“Tell me thank you when they say yes.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He groaned, letting the painful memories overtake him as he turned his back to the wall.

It just hurt-maybe he would get over all of this one day, but right now he couldnt.

As if on cue to deepen his torture, he heard a giggle from you across his room, the muffled noise of Yuuji’s voice making him cringe.

Thin ass walls-you were probably visiting Yuuji again for the night, staying up all night to watch movies.....

This was destroying him-but he couldnt ever blame you for it, because you were oblivious to his love for you. He had made sure you would never catch on- and now you would never know because he was too cowardly to ever say it. 

God, what he’d do to have the roles switched though...with you breaking school rules to come visit him at night, to here that sweet laugh in his room, to feel your head cuddle into his chest, or see you slowly begin to wake up in the morning....

Megumi felt a pain in his chest at the wanting feeling that would never fully be satiated gnaw at his chest, his hands despertedly grabbing at his pillow and shoving it against his ear.

He didnt want to hear you, he didnt want to see you...at this moment he didnt want anything to do with you or Yuuji. 

This hurt too much...

Fuck, he really screwed up.

[the-modernmary]

to be enough || aaron hotchner x gn!reader

Summary: During a movie night with your boyfriend Aaron, you accidentally stumbled onto his old wedding video, and it makes you wonder if you could ever compete with his first love?

A/N: This was an anonymous request, thank you SO MUCH for sending this in!! It’s my first request and it was so much fun to write!! I love soft Hotch so, so much. I’m sorry this took so long to get out. I was sick on and off for like two weeks straight, it was a whole thing. I hope you like this!!

masterlist || read on ao3

“I’ll make popcorn and open the wine, you pick the movie. We’ll meet back on the couch in ten minutes,” Aaron said quickly as he pressed a kiss to your cheek before making his way to his kitchen.

  You giggled at your boyfriend’s eagerness as soon as he opened the door to his apartment. Truth be told, you couldn’t blame him, though. It was rare that the two of you ever really got the chance to just hang out at his apartment. Whenever Aaron was home, he liked to spend as much free time with his son as possible, which you completely understood. So between spending time with Jack and Aaron being away on cases, you lived for these small moments of alone time and domesticity. 

  “You might regret letting me pick the movie, my love,” you called to him jokingly as you sat down in front of his TV, looking for where the remote was hiding. “I am very loyal to my early 2000’s chick flicks.”

  The sound of Aaron’s laughter floating through his apartment made your heart swell. He had never been the tough, FBI unit chief around you, but he was also rarely so carefree and light. There was always a shield around him, especially with the way he would carefully choose his words so as to not give away too much of himself. He was always so guarded and unwavering.

  Aaron poked his head out of the kitchen, hair falling in his eyes. “In the interest of honesty, I’m fully planning on moving this to the bedroom before we even get halfway through the movie,” he admitted, his voice carrying even over the sound of popcorn in the microwave.

You giggled again and shook your head fondly, unable to stop the smile spread across your face at his words. Seeing him be so playful was like a gift — always a surprise, but never unwelcome. You lived for those small glimpses of the man you knew he was.

  Aaron went back to choosing the perfect movie night wine and you settled on the couch, turning on the TV and ready to pick out the goofiest, most feel-good movie you could find. Before you could pull Netflix up, however, the DVD that was already in the television began playing.

  The film was grainy and the camera work was shaky at best, so you weren’t sure exactly what you were watching at first. There was a church in the background and men dressed in nice suits. Kids dressed in their Sunday best ran around in the grass. The camera panned over to a couple who were clearly getting married, going by the big white dress the woman was wearing.

  The camera zoomed in on the couple and your heart dropped to your stomach, because there, right in the center of the screen was Aaron. It was a much younger version of him, of course, probably law school, but it was definitely him. 

  Oh god, this was his wedding video. Which meant that the beautiful, blushing bride wrapped in his arms and making him throw his head back in laughter was Haley.

  Aaron had told you about Haley and everything that had happened between the two of them right up to her murder pretty early on in your relationship with him, but then it was never really mentioned again. But you had heard the whispers on nights out with his team, listened to them all gossip amongst themselves about how “I never thought Hotch was ever going to move on?” .

  Despite every logical bone in your body screaming at you to change the film before Aaron came back into the living room, you couldn’t help but watch in morbid fascination. The Aaron on the screen was so different from the man you had come to love.

  You watched as the film Aaron spun Haley in circles and peppered her entire face in kisses. The entire time, they never once stopped touching each other, even if it was something as simple as holding each other’s hands. Aaron kept glancing over at Haley with the biggest heart eyes you had ever seen, and it was nothing like the way Aaron had ever looked at you. Even when the couple was supposed to be paying attention to the people giving speeches around them, Haley and Aaron kept sneaking glances at each other, mouthing “I love you” like it was the only thing they could think to say.

  Aaron looked so happy and so free and it was so unlike the man in the other room. In the year and a half you had been dating him, you had never seen Aaron with a smile so big. He never gave you PDA so freely, and it wasn’t something you realized you even wanted until you saw him do it with somebody else. Suddenly, you wanted to feel young and reckless and dizzy in love the way he looked back in the film.

  It was unfair to ask him to live every day with you feeling like it was his wedding day, and you knew it. Still, something stirred inside of you that made you crave for Aaron to look at you like that, even just once.

  What you had with Aaron now was safe and a certifiable “adult” relationship. Not to say it wasn’t nice, and there was plenty of passion and fun in it. All of your friends constantly expressed how envious they were that you had found somebody who was so stable yet still unpredictable and could sweep you off your feet with romantic dates under the stars. Being with Aaron felt like home for you, and you had always thought that he felt the same, although now you weren’t sure. It had never occurred to you that Aaron may not have ever really gotten over his first love.

  The microwave beeped, signaling that the popcorn was done and that Aaron would be back in the living room at any second, and you quickly switched the TV to Netflix, clicking whatever movie popped up first, not even bothering to look at the title. 

  Just in time, too, because not long after, Aaron made his way over to the couch, precariously carrying a bowl of popcorn, two wine glasses, and a bottle of a sweet red wine that had become a go-to for you both. He generally preferred red wine, but you hated the dryness of it and basically only drank sweet, dessert wines, so when the two of you found this one, it had seemed like fate. Most of your relationship with him felt like fate, honestly.

  You forced yourself not to think about the fact that Aaron was happily drinking white wine in the wedding video.

  “Either the definition of ‘chick flick’ has changed drastically,” Aaron started, plopping down next to you. “Or Mad Max is very different from what I remember.”

  “I decided to change it up, put on a movie neither of us will be invested in,” you lied, desperately fighting to keep your voice even. “That way we can move right into the bedroom portion of the night.”

  “I like the way you think, sweetheart,” he chuckled, dropping a kiss to the top of your head. His thigh was pressed against yours, but even then, he felt a million miles away from you.

  It was unfair to get so worked up over this whole wedding video thing, and you knew that. His time with Haley had ended long before he had even met you, and logically, you knew that people could fall in love multiple times. Still, that didn’t quell the anxiety that was bubbling in your stomach, making you queasy.

  Why was he even watching that video, anyway? Did he often sit right there on the very couch you were cuddling with him on and rewatch the happiest day of his life? After a date with you, did he ever come home conflicted about his own emotions and feeling guilty for moving on, and go down memory lane to remind himself who his real true love was? 

  You kept thinking about how giddy he had looked in that video, and how easy it had seemed for him to be with her. And Haley… God, how could you compete?

  She was stunning, no doubt about it, with her blonde hair and bright eyes that shined, even through shitty 90’s video camera quality. The pink on her soft-looking lips only seemed to make Aaron want to kiss them more and more, maybe to see if he could smudge her lipstick. It never once budged, though, because of course it didn’t. She seemed too perfect to have faded lipstick on her wedding day. She had floated across the makeshift dance floor, like a fucking Disney princess leaving a trail of fairy dust and sunshine everywhere she went. Everything about her seemed soft and kind and good, all things you had never once associated with yourself.

  It was no surprise that Aaron had decided he was going to marry her from the first time he saw her, as he had said in his vows. She was everything you could have ever wanted to be, and clearly, she was everything Aaron had ever wanted.

  Aaron’s voice snapped you out of your rapid descent into crippling insecurity. “I can hear you thinking from here, honey.”

  You took a long sip of your wine, avoiding his piercing gaze. “I’m just concentrating on the movie,” you lied.

  “The movie you picked specifically so that we didn’t have to pay attention?” he retorted, eyebrows raised. Really, you should have known better than to try and give him such a blatant lie. Aaron reached over you to grab the remote and paused the movie, placing his hand lightly on your knee. “What’s going on?”

  How could you even explain what you were feeling? It definitely wasn’t jealousy, although you almost wished it was. At least with jealousy, you could push it to the side as an awful, gross feeling that comes from years of internalized misogyny and being told that other women are inherently competition for the attention of men. You could deal with that feeling.

  But it wasn’t that at all. Despite Aaron’s obvious devotion to her, you found it hard (and a little twisted, if you were being completely honest) to be jealous of a woman who was violently murdered in her own home in front of her young child. Besides, jealousy would imply that you and Haley were on somewhat equal ground, which you so clearly weren’t. 

  Haley was his high school sweetheart, the love of his life, the woman he had chosen to have children with, and you…

  Well, at one point you thought you could have been that, too, but now you were faced with the fear that you were nothing more than a person to fill the hole in his heart that Haley had left. Even worse, however, was the sinking feeling that you weren’t sure if you were ever going to be enough to fill it completely. 

  “It’s stupid,” you stuttered out, avoiding Aaron’s eyes, which were so full of concern. That was the worst part. It would be one thing if Aaron didn’t love you, but he did love you. Just not in the way he loved her. “Don’t worry about me.”

  “It’s not stupid if it’s bothering you.”

  “I—” You cut yourself off with a sigh and shifted on the couch so that you were facing him. “Am I enough for you?”

  Aaron looked about as taken aback by your question as you felt. You hadn’t meant to burst through the gate with that particular insecurity.

  “Are you enough for me?” he repeated slowly, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, like the question didn’t make any sense. In all honesty, it probably didn’t. “If you mean ‘am I happy with you’, then yes. Incredibly. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

  That should have made you feel better, but it wasn’t the answer you were looking for. You absentmindedly picked at a loose thread on your sweater. “I saw your wedding video,” you admitted shamefully. It felt like you were a little kid getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar. “And, I don’t know… You looked so happy and so… alive with her. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime love, Aaron. I’m never going to be able to be that for you.”

  Aaron’s frown deepened, and for a moment you were worried that he was going to get angry at you for watching the video. Maybe you had tainted that one happy memory for him. But the lines on his face softened just a bit and he covered your hand with both of his.

  “Have you always felt like this?” he asked cautiously, attempting to keep all emotion off his face. “Like you’re not… enough?”

  You shrugged. “Sometimes. If I think about it too much. Especially when we first started dating. But never this intense. I guess since I had only heard stories of her, it was almost like she didn’t exist? But now that I’ve seen her and how you looked at her… I love you so much and I want you to be happy, but I’m scared I can’t be that for you. I’m sorry if I’ve crossed a line, but this has been eating me up from the inside for a while now and I—”

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Aaron cut you off mid-ramble, and you took a shuddering breath. Guilt was written all over him, which made you want to crawl into a hole and never be heard from again. “Have I done anything to make you think I’m unhappy?”

  “No, of course not! You’ve been nothing but wonderful. But I’m not Haley. I can’t make you as happy as she made you. And maybe this is selfish of me, but it hurts to know that you don’t love me the way you loved her.”

  Aaron’s frown deepened, but he still held on tightly to your hand. “I didn’t think you would want me to,” he said, and now it was your turn to be confused.

  You could practically see the gears turning in Aaron’s mind as he tried to find the right words to verbalize the floodgate of emotions that had just opened. Being vulnerable and open about his feelings wasn’t something he was very comfortable with, and it definitely didn't come easy for him. The fact that he was trying and willing gave you some comfort.

  “What I mean to say is…” he backtracked. “You’re right. You’re not Haley and the way I loved her is different from the way I love you. I love you differently because you’re different. And I’m different now, too. But different doesn’t mean less, and it never has. I would never want you to think that you’re just some consolation prize.”

  He was looking at you with such intensity and sincerity that you could have cried. “It’s just that when I realized you had been rewatching your wedding, I kept thinking that maybe she was your one love,” you explained nervously. “I don’t know what that leaves me.”

  Aaron took your hand that he was holding and moved it so that it rested on his chest and you could feel his heartbeat. “My love isn’t finite. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

  You melted into his touch, and it was like the sun came peeking through the storm clouds. He didn’t have the exact same expression that 25-year-old him did on the wedding video, but it was something close. Maybe even something more. It was warm and inviting and felt like coming home after a long day. 

  “You’ve been nothing but the picture-perfect boyfriend,” you assured. “This is all me and my own insecurities. I saw that you had been watching the video and I just… spiraled, I guess.”

  Aaron mindlessly rubbed his thumb back and forth on your hand. “I should probably explain why I was watching it, then.”

  “God, no, you don’t owe me any explanations for what you—”

  “I was showing Jack,” Aaron interrupted, his voice soft. “He doesn’t remember her that much, and he definitely doesn’t remember when we were married. Most of his memories are of fighting or divorced parents. I wanted to show him that his parents loved each other.”

  Your face went hot as embarrassment spread through you. “Wow, that makes perfect sense and I feel like an idiot,” you breathed. “I’m sorry.”

  Aaron pressed a chaste kiss to your lips as he stood up from the couch. “You’re not an idiot, and you have nothing to be sorry for,” he promised. “Come on, let’s get changed into something a little nicer.”

  You looked down in confusion as your movie night outfit. “Why?”

  A mischievous glint flashed in Aaron’s eyes as he bent down and gave you another kiss, one much less chaste than the one before. “Because,” he mumbled against your lips. “I’m going to take you on a date and show you just how much I love you.”

[agent-cupcake]

You know, you've written a lot of your thoughts/hcs/etc on how various characters would behave as yanderes and so on, but I've never seen you talk about yandere readers before and I feel like that's an interesting subject to consider? Especially for 3H - you have a treasure trove of damaged boys to attract obsessiveness from girls who are convinced they are the ONLY one for them and it's their duty to drive away competition/threats/anyone they want.

Okay it's time to be toxic. I’m not going to go for all the guys, just the ones who immediately came to mind.

Dimitri: I joke quite often that I would be yandere for Dimitri. It all started when I brought up killing the girl he danced with at the White Heron Ball and quite frankly it's only spiraled from there because doesn't the Savior King Dimitri deserve to be adored and worshipped? Doesn't he deserve someone who wants the best for him and only him? Doesn’t it only make sense for him to be with someone who understands his mental issues and is willing to offer him unconditional support and patience? Doesn't he need someone with unwavering loyalty who will do anything no matter what the cost for his sake? It'd be so easy too because he's super dependent, desperate for affection, and clueless so if you just nourish those traits and constantly downplay his discomfort/suspicion of you driving away anybody who you feel is a threat by saying that this is how relationships just are, that it's just because you love him so much, that you're just looking out for him, what's he gonna do? It's not like he'd have any solid basis for knowing how relationships are supposed to be. Besides if he gets too upset you can threaten to leave him just like his mother did, I'm sure that would work to get him back in your arms (where he belongs). Yeah, that’s a little fucked up but it would be so much worse for both of you in the long run if you were apart. Being too aggressive or overt about your obsession would definitely make Dimitri wise up so it'd be better to go with love bombing. This would be good because it really lets you prove your devotion to Dimitri and makes it easier for him to just laugh off and excuse your disturbingly possessive behavior. His friends would be potentially problematic, but they're not always around and Dimitri's private enough that he probably wouldn't volunteer information about you to them. If you told him that it made you very upset and uncomfortable when he was friendly with the girls from his class, he’d most likely stop for your sake. Bonus round, have his babies. What is he going to do, abandon the mother of his children? Dimitri?!? No way. Of course he wouldn’t do anything to risk breaking his family, but neither would you! After all, this is all because you know Dimitri better than anyone which means that only you can love him.

Sylvain: Sylvain being manipulative and cheating on you after you try and prove your love to him through conventional means causing you to snap and kill hurt the girls, throw his lies back in his face, and prove that you're the only girl for him by preying on his emotional trauma with women is really something to consider. Why try to resolve toxic situations with love, compassion, and open communication when you can use blood and abuse to keep him with you? Play the part, be snarky, witty, flirty, be super hot and cold to keep him intrigued, give him the best fuck he's ever had, really show him that you don't care about his Crest, you just want to love possess him. Maybe even do the whole "I don't care who you're with, we both know you belong to me" to really engage him in those super fun mind games. Make everyone else acknowledge that you're the perfect girl for him, get them all to vilify him for continuing to be such a womanizer and breaking your heart. But, like, why stop there? Encourage him to retaliate, to be mad at you. Tease him for being so disgusted and angry at you when all you want, all you've ever wanted, was for your hearts to beat as one and then later act confused because of course you wouldn’t make light of his feelings like that, that’s horrible. All you want, all you’ve ever wanted, was for him to acknowledge that your adoration for him is true. Really break him until he gives you the whole “I’ll let you chain me up so I never even look at another girl” schtick. This might seem awful, but so is he! Reform can be difficult and if he’s going to be happy, he has to be made to understand why his behavior was so bad and the consequences of it. Because it’s not like you’d act like this if you had any other choice, it’s not like you’d continue once the two of you were truly together, of course you wouldn’t treat him so cruelly once he vowed himself to you and only you. And, really, I think it’d be a lot easier once he understood that and you got to prove your love to him through raw, unadulterated affection. Spend every day adding onto the list of why you love your Sylvain. 

Claude: Claude being more than aware of the ole' saying "don't stick your dick in crazy" and then doing it anyway because he has a proclivity for the fiery, forbidden, and oh-so temping call of danger would be the perfect set up for a very bad predicament. You’d have to play some mind games to really convince him that he’s the one seeking you out, he’s the one who’s got it bad, he’s the one who wants to have you. In other words, you’d have to give him a challenge. But, you know, if it’s a game, you’d have to play back because you’re doing this for him, because you love him, because you want him to realize that he loves you, too (Uno reverse Claude’s yandere behaviors, basically) so obviously you’d have to eliminate any obstacles and taking out anybody who could be a potential threat. Get him to open up about his dreams, his past, his feelings. As it goes with basically all of these affection-starved men, make him feel loved for who he is. You know, if you were really good, you could probably even get him to give up on everything else for your sake. I mean, I loathe the ending but he does that for Lysithea. Pull a Tangled on Claude and make him believe that you’re his new dream as he mostly certainly is yours.

Felix: Sweet Felix. So oblivious but so difficult. A man who would provide the ultimate and most dangerous yan rival of them all: the thrill of the fight. In a lot of ways, I think he’d be like Dimitri. Mostly just because he’s so dense when it comes to love of any kind. But he’s also not as emotionally desperate or dependent so you wouldn’t really be able to use that against him. The similarities come from Felix’s equal amount of inexperience with romance which opens up a lot of possibilities for you convincing him that certain behaviors are normal. You can even bring up how his cold emotional state (something I believe he’s insecure about) is what forces you to be so overbearing, how badly it hurts you.  You don’t necessarily mean to be so cloying but you’re so afraid of losing someone else you love so much (another insecurity of his). After all, there is nobody in the entire world who is like him, Felix Hugo Fraldarius, (three for three with his insecurities) and how irreplaceable and precious he is to you. These examples are kind of “soft” when it comes to using his insecurities against him, but you could go further with them assuming you were sure that it wouldn’t drive him away. Not knowing and having to work on assumption would always be a pretty big reason to control yourself in how you went about manipulating him because Felix is stubborn and prideful and pushing him too far would only hurt the both of you. It’s actually kind of funny because as opposed to the traditional yan mindset, it would be in your best interest to get Felix to form relationship bonds with others (but definitely not any of the girls he’s so popular with) because that would be a bargaining chip when convincing him to stay with you.

Ferdinand von Aegir: Ferdinand is, honestly, so easy for this. Like, I feel as if I don’t even need to talk about the details. You show him some affection and he’s yours. Bury him in love and praise. Tell him that it makes you unhappy when he talks to other girls or prioritizes his work over you and then reward him with boundless warmth and devotion because of course he would bend over backwards to make you happy. He just wants to be needed and treasured, to love and be loved. He’s already got the poetry and the ring and of course he wouldn’t mind getting married right away it’s true love, why would you wait?

Yuri: Yuribird is the forbidden darling. You’d need to be running on 100% love because he’d sniff out and ditch you at even the smallest whiff of deliberate obsession. But you know what he wants? More-so than the other guys, in some ways. He wants to be known and loved for who he is. In the face of genuine affection, he doesn’t stand a chance. Still, you’d have to be measured about this stuff. If you were jealous and got rid of your rivals yourself, Yuri would be disgusted and leave you. And you can’t hide that sort of thing from him, either. You’d have to go all in on the manipulation but only in the most honest way possible, that’s the only way past his defenses. Get him to prioritize your feelings first so he feels guilty talking to people or acting in ways that upset you. Reward him for putting you above everyone else. Constantly remind him that you’re the only one who knows and understands him, who loves him for who he is. Get him so emotionally fucked that even if his big brain logic is telling him that you’re toxic and horrible, he can’t stand the thought of being without you. He’d give up crime, it’s not like he even particularly likes it. Set up the perfect life for him, something domestic and sweet and warm, something he’s never had worries he doesn’t deserve, something that keeps him away from others. The goddess only knows how much he deserves a happy dream for once, and you’re the only one who can understand and provide that for him.

[wri0thesley]

May I request some La Squadra childhood headcanons (upbringing/family/habits/demeanor) :)) Maybe Mista and Abbacchio too if it’s not too much trouble since we already saw a bit of baby Bruno and it made me so curious about the other two! I always imagined Abbacchio to be a bit of a teacher’s pet as a kid lol. Your writing brings me life tysm!!!!

warnings for abusive family, human experimentation, misogyny, illness, hospitals, death, etc! 

Risotto’s family did not care much about him. He’s the middle child of five - they grew up in a rural part of Sicily, in a house that used to be a farmhouse but was merely a house by the time Risotto came along (aside from a flock of chickens constantly in the gardens). He had a traditional Italian family full of people - various aunts, uncles and cousins - but his cousin was his favourite, seeing in Risotto’s quiet nature something similar to his own. Risotto was uncomfortable with there being too many people around and found his home life cramped and uncomfortable and loud. At the local village school he was often hunted out for games of sport (his height and muscle growing in at an early age), but he shied away from making friends, not sure how to handle himself around people who shouted and laughed, envying his siblings for everything seeming so natural. He often stayed with the cousin, and it’s through them he discovered metal music and his now signature look. His parents didn’t have time for him, but his cousin always did, becoming a makeshift father figure where Risotto’s failed. He grew very attached, and as we know, his cousins death hit him hard. 

Formaggio grew up with a single father; his mother simply disappeared in the middle of the night and he never heard from her again. He was always loud, brash and cocky - his father was much the same way. They moved around from place to place, his father taking odd jobs to sustain them and never really getting the hang of them. His father was fairly young and a perpetual teenager, and Formaggio was much the same way. Despite living in occasional poverty, he always had a smile and he and his father were close to one another. He did not really make friends - other children were aware of his unwashed clothes, the fact his lunch was not made as neatly as theirs, the fact that his address was a one-bedroom apartment on the bad side of town - so he turned to acting out and violence, gaining a reputation as a Badly Behaved Child. His father fell into Passione in the need to support his son, and like father like son, Formaggio followed in his footsteps at fourteen (finding a camaraderie and sense of responsibility he never had at school and subsequently just stopping going there). 

Illuso got into Passione for the money and the power. He was an only child and he had a nice upbringing, honestly - he just found himself not special at anything, and he desperately wanted to be. He flitted from hobby to hobby and interest to interest; he was clever and he noticed things, and neither of his parents really knew how to deal with their sharp-tongued child. He was a bit of a bully at school, but not the kind that is ever found out - Illuso’s bullying was quieter than that, whispered words and rumours that never seemed to find their way back to him. He was well-acquainted with blackmail before he turned sixteen. He knew how to sniff out weaknesses in other people - he was always surrounded by people, but it was a lottery as to whether they liked Illuso or whether they just didn’t want to be on his wrong side. Always willing to volunteer for things, too confident for his own good - eventually, he stopped caring about being ‘special’ at something, and just worked on being the ‘best around him’. 

Melone’s backstory can be found here. Both of his parents were academics and lecturers in genetic science, and he’s the eldest child by eight years. His family moved around rather a lot. He has two younger sets of twins as siblings; one set of boys, and one set of girls. Growing up, his parents considered him less interesting and a little slow - he turned to science and genetics as a way to get their attention and praise; despite the fact he showed a natural affinity for it, by this time, they were far more interested in experimenting on their younger children and Melone was ignored. His nature is curious and insistent - he learnt to insist or to be ignored. He had to look after his younger siblings a lot growing up; they were home-schooled where he was not, and the strange separation of them and him and all of the children at school (Melone not quite fitting into either group) meant that he always seemed just a little off. 

Prosciutto is a mafia man through and through. His family are entrenched in old bloodlines and uninvestigated deaths - unfortunately, though, they are a family that had somewhat fallen from grace by Prosciutto’s birth. The definition of faded glamour and keeping up appearances; rooms in a big, drafty old house that have an old bed and a falling apart dressing table. His father always talked to him about how it was his and his brothers’ job to keep the bloodline going - a traditional chauvinist of a man. His mother was very quiet and pretty; she encouraged him to small interests like old music and fashion, but was always silent around her husband. He grew up knowing his life was expendable. Youngest son of two; his elder brother died within months of finally being given his assignment within Passione and honestly, Prosciutto knows his father would rather he have died. A quiet little boy who did not make friends (he had a tutor) and had too much of the weight of the world on his shoulders in the knowledge of how many of his mother’s jewels were pasteboard, where the guns were kept, and just how many people he saw regularly were murderers. At his assignment at sixteen, Prosciutto had to learn exactly how to blend in, because many of the mafiosos he was suddenly surrounded by did not appreciate what they saw as his superiority. 

Pesci was an only child of a single mother; his father passed away when he was young. He was rather sickly growing up, and it made his mother indulgent - despite growing up fairly middle class, he never wanted for anything, and they lived well beyond their means. His mother fussed over him, always afraid that he was going to have a relapse into his childhood illness - very much a child wrapped in cotton wool. It gave him his own complex about taking risks; he didn’t want to get hurt. He didn’t want to be rejected by other children. He was slow at his schoolwork but devoted to his mother, and other children saw him as a prime target to bully. He was kicked around a lot at school and it eventually made him too easy to subdue when he suddenly filled out and shot up and became a threat; found himself, too often, a henchman to more articulate, meaner children. Grateful to be accepted, he went along with the flow, despite feeling in the very core of his gut that he was disgusted by them. He ended up in Passione because his mother needed medical treatment and in trying to sort it out realised just how much debt they were in.

Ghiaccio just had a normal run-of-the-mill described as ‘average’ by everyone upbringing - both of his parents, an only child, a mother with a professional job, middle-class. His father was partially deaf - in my experience, people with deaf parents either speak very loudly or very quietly, and Ghiaccio has gone for the former. He learnt LIS at a very early age, and it’s part of the reason he can be so anal about pronunciation and language as a whole - he’s utterly fascinated by it, and that fascination started in early childhood. His parents were also indulgent of him, but having a younger brother meant that he didn’t get the full brunt of that indulgence - his brother was a little more of a ‘rough and tumble’ boy. He liked football and weights, and when he took up a sport Ghiaccio’s parents decided Ghiaccio should learn to do something too and asked him what he thought - they were surprised when he said ice skating, but figured he would go into ice hockey or something. He didn’t. For a while, he was fairly well-known in the competitive figure skating under eighteens circuit. It gave him two things; one, a competitive need to win and be good at things (and a propensity to tantrum when he lost) and two, a taste for flashy, expensive things (have you seen this man’s car). His parents eventually didn’t know how to deal with his arrogance, and he fell into Passione based on a ‘sponsor’ he ended up embroiled with at nineteen when his parents didn’t want to fund his ‘hobby’ anymore (they kept pouring resources into his younger brother, of course - Ghiaccio always felt a bit like they didn’t take him seriously). He left ice skating competitively behind, but he couldn’t leave behind the nice things or the anger issues he accrued. 

I’ve written about Sorbet and Gelato’s childhood/backstory here! But a brief, shorter version:

Gelato had a loving family and a privileged upbringing. Always enough money, always enough to eat - an only child, who perhaps was a little rowdy at school but whomst his parents were very proud of. Both of them were traditional types; thinks a man should be strong, should be the real driving force of all relationships - they were extremely proud of him going into the army. Cleverer than people tend to give him credit for, sharp-eyed, a constant humming need to be doing something with his hands. 

Sorbet was orphaned at a young age in a house fire and taken in by a church orphanage. He’s quiet but equally clever; his cleverness tends to be a little less in your face. He was a comforting presence to other people and took care of the younger boys (even now, he feels a sense of duty to some of La Squadra) - being low-voiced, soothing and commanding. He spent a lot of time reading. The church orphanage was poor; Sorbet has learnt to appreciate luxury where Gelato takes it for granted and it’s part of the reason he’s so concerned with finances even in his forties. 

Abbacchio grew up in a houseful of women. His father left when he was still young; he was . . . not a nice man, and Abbacchio has vague memories of his mother carefully applying concealer over black eyes. It’s part of the reason Abbacchio became a police officer - knowing that he was still out there, not paying for what he’d done . . . Abbacchio wanted to ensure other people did not go through it. He had a little sister (by six years) who adored him, and his grandmother (who had once been an opera singer and still had a touch of that old-time glamour). He was fairly well off; at least, after he and his mother went to live with her mother again. His grandmother was EXTREMELY indulgent of her serious pretty-eyed grandson (his affinity for opera comes from her) who wanted so hard to be a Good Man. He was made fun of as a child for being a teacher’s pet and a nerd, you’re right - he adopted being a goth and dressing like that fairly early in his life. Nobody was going to threaten to punch him in leather and black lipstick, he thought - and nobody, too, needed to know that his CD player was blasting Monteverdi and not heavy metal. 

Mista was the only child of an unreliable mother and a father who left when he was four (he kept very vaguely in touch; Mista has three little sisters who he sees occasionally but keeps quiet about his employ to. After the events of VA, he’s established a fund for each of them, but he wasn’t really permitted to see them much growing up). Even after his parents leaving and his neighbour’s loss of an eye (and the subsequent setting in of his fear of the number four), he was an easy-going child who made friends easily and smiled at all and sundry; he was never particularly book-clever, but he was good-natured and had many friends. His mother’s lack of reliability meant that he became very fond of simple things other people took for granted - when she died, he was sad, but his life did not change much. He’d already learnt to fend for himself when it came to food and the like; often coming home to an empty house and simply making do. (The lack of food in the house is part of the reason he gained such an affinity for things he saw as luxuries like wines and cheeses). He learnt to use his dark eyes and charming smile and warm nature to win sleepovers with schoolfriends and evening meals with their parents. Always a little bit behind his peers in having cool gadgets or interesting stories, Mista was content just to have a simple life and good health. 

[cosmicjoke]

I want to talk a little bit about Levi’s relationship with Erwin, and why Levi, for most of the story of Attack on Titan, was dedicated to and so trusting of Erwin’s judgment.

I see a lot of people say it’s because Erwin gave Levi a “purpose” in life.  That it’s because before he met Erwin, Levi had no direction, no goal, etc...  That might be part of it.  But I think, more than giving Levi a purpose, I think what Erwin gave Levi was hope.  

Levi’s big, character defining moment, the one that influences and impacts all of Levi’s choices throughout the story, and indeed, influences his very life philosophy, comes with the deaths of Furlan and Isabel.  I don’t think the importance of these two characters in Levi’s life gets nearly enough attention.  They’re often written off because they’re “side characters”, not actually invented by Isayama himself, and so their import to Levi is often overlooked.  But if we’re being honest, and not viewing Levi’s relationships through the lens of shipping goggles, I think, out of everyone, it’s Furlan and Isabel who were probably closer to Levi than any other character in the series.  I don’t say that to offend anyone, so please don’t take it that way.  But both Furlan and Isabel come from the same world as Levi.  They, presumably, both grew up in the Underground, the same as Levi, both experienced poverty, deprivation, and the same struggle to survive from day to day that Levi did.  That, alone, would give them a connection to Levi that no other character in SnK has.  No one else that we know of in the Survey Corps came from the Underground, no one else in the Survey Corps experienced that particular kind of disenfranchisement or alienation from proper society, or truly experienced what it meant to be treated as second class citizens, the way those who came from the Underground did.  The people of the Underground are there largely because, for whatever reasons, they’ve been deemed pariah’s of society, unwanted, unneeded, driven there, in the case of Levi’s mother, by persecution, others likely for having fallen in bad with the law, somehow, or because their own, impoverished circumstances left them with no place else to go.  Likely a large portion of the Underground population was born there, born into poverty and deprivation and labeled, through no fault or action of their own, as the “dregs” of society.  I think it’s even stated at some point in the manga that the people of the Underground don’t have legal citizenship up on the surface.  Meaning they’re literally treated as illegal aliens, and if they’re caught up above on the surface, they’ll be deported back down.  In this sort of environment, in which the population has been cast off from regular society and deemed unfit and undesired, cut off from the typical benefits and privileges one garners from being a part of a working and ordered society, like regular food, regular work, safe and reliable shelters, an education, health care, opportunity for advancement, all the sorts of rights one enjoys from having citizenship of any society, circumstances of desperation come into play, a constant, frantic struggle to acquire the basic necessities of living day to day, of simply surviving from one day to the next.  This of course breeds an environment of crime.  Engaging in illegal activities just to manage day to day life.  This is all stuff that Levi was born into, this kind of deprived life where he could rely on no one and nothing to help him get by.  No sorts of state implemented programs, no sort of educational system to help him learn a trade, no sort of regular job opportunities or income, no access to health care, no legal or human rights, no legal path to gaining citizenry up top, no  safety net of any kind to help him, essentially.  This is what it truly means to struggle to survive.  When there isn’t any time to think of banal or frivolous pleasures, when one can’t afford to indulge in fantasies or dreams, or hope.  All Levi would have known, for the first 25 years of his life, was the desperate struggle to not die, to make it to the next day.  Truly the definition of existing, not living.

Furlan and Isabel, we can surmise, shared this same experience with him, underwent and experienced similar struggles and desperation and deprivation.  That shared experience, then, must have bonded them in a way impossible for Levi to find with anyone else, no matter how close he grew to his comrades in the SC.  None of them could ever have understood the experience of growing up totally deprived, as Levi did, the way Furlan and Isabel could have.  And I think, because of that, to Levi, Furlan and Isabel were the closest thing to family he probably ever had.  They found each other in the most desperate of circumstances, and bonded through the shared struggle of their existence.  They found comfort and love and friendship in one another in an otherwise brutally harsh, unforgiving, cruel, uncaring, isolated and forgotten world.  A world literally shunned by the light of the sun, and by the acceptance of society above.

Well, how this all relates back to Erwin and Levi’s relationship with him, comes down to what Erwin says to Levi after Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths.  Levi is drowning and blinded, in the moments following their deaths, by pure grief and rage.  He can’t understand what’s just happened.  He’s lost the only two friends he’s ever had in the whole world.  The two people who he found in the darkest, most difficult and most desperate time of his life, the two people who shared in and understood that hardship better than anyone else ever could.  He’s just watched the both of them being eaten alive by Titans, torn apart and killed in one of the most horrific and terrifying ways a person can die, and found himself unable to save them, helpless to stop this horrible thing from happening to the only two people in his life he could, up to that point, regard as family.  He was alone.  Utterly alone, then.  Likely transported back to the days before he met them, after Kenny had abandoned him on the streets, left completely on his own to survive in, again, one of the harshest, most unforgiving environments imaginable.  Levi’s life, before he met Furlan and Isabel, must have been one of suffocating loneliness and isolation.  A life filled with no real human connection, no real warmth, or love or friendship.  He found those things when he found them.  And then he had to sit there and watch as those things were torn violently away from him once more.  The pain must have been incomprehensible, the fear and disbelief and grief so deep, he couldn’t think past it.  He sees Erwin in that moment, then, and it all comes crashing down on him, all of that rage, pain and despair, and the only means for him to keep it from destroying him then and there, to keep it from consuming him, is to direct it at the man he sees a responsible for their deaths.  So he attacks Erwin, fully intent on killing him.  And then, Erwin tells him not to let Furlan and Isabel have died in vain.  He tells Levi not to regret his choice to come with them to the surface, not to regret having chosen to come out on expedition with the SC, not to regret choosing to leave them behind with the rest of their squad and go out on his own after Erwin, not to let them die without MEANING.  This entire exchange forms what comes to be the crux of Levi’s life philosophy later on.  Erwin tells Levi that he can’t let Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths be meaningless, he can’t let them have died for no reason.  He tells Levi that humanity needs his strength, and that if he lends that strength to their cause, then Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths will gain purpose, that, in spite of it’s horrific tragedy, their sacrifices will matter, because they will have brought Levi to the cause of humanity’s salvation.  

Essentially, Erwin plants in Levi the idea that people don’t have to die meaningless deaths.  Levi, who grew up in a world where doubtless he saw, day after day, people dying for no reason at all, succumbing to things like disease and starvation and depression and violence, Levi, who grew up doubtless SURROUNDED by meaningless death, is told by this man, whom Levi had meant to kill in his own, misguided attempt to make the lives of his family better, that death doesn’t have to be meaningless at all.  That people can die in ways that will make the world a better place for everyone else, that people can die for a cause that makes not just their deaths, but their very existence, meaningful, valuable, important.  Erwin plants this idea in Levi’s head, that no matter how ugly, or awful, or cruel, or painful, or seemingly pointless life can be, no matter how unfair or unjust the deaths of those we care for may seem, we can, even if only a little, redeem that cruelty and unfairness and that pain, by making their suffering and their sacrifices count towards something better.  Even if that something better is a distant hope, or an unreachable dream, to simply fight for it in the name of those who have endured hardship and lost their lives, is enough to save them from the indignity, shame and hopeless despair of having died forgotten and purposeless.  To Levi, who grew up surrounded by meaningless struggle and death, the thought that what we endure and what we suffer doesn’t have to be for nothing must have been a revelation.

This is why I think Levi is so devoted to Erwin, why he follows Erwin with such loyalty and trust.  It isn’t because of some silly bond due to his bloodline, or because he’s “in love” with Erwin.  It’s because Erwin made Levi believe that life, and death, could both hold something better than the desperate suffering of his childhood.  It’s why Levi thinks of Erwin as someone with a great, far reaching vision that Levi himself could never grasp.  Because he considered this thing that Levi himself never had, that a person’s life and death, both, could be given meaning through the continued actions those still living take in their name.  That WE can give their lives and deaths meaning.  Erwin’s ability to see that made Levi believe in him, and his ability to lead humanity to salvation.  Erwin’s words to Levi that day essentially rescued him from the depressing and brutal darkness of his own life experiences.  They made everything Levi had suffered up to then gain meaning.  No longer did Levi feel he’d lived such a hard and painful life for no reason other than his own misery.  No longer did Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths have to have meant nothing and gained nothing.  Levi could take all of that, could take all of the pain and grief and sadness, and make it into something which would give it reason.  He could use it to form something which could have value for others.  Erwin’s words help pull Levi up from an existence of pure suffering and loss, and instead tell Levi that those things he’s gone through, those losses he’s experienced, those trials he’s endured, weren’t for nothing.

We see Levi apply this philosophy to almost everything he does throughout SnK thereafter, in which he tries with uncompromising determination to make sure every loss suffered, every sacrifice made, every action taken, is done so with meaning, with purpose, with reason.  Whether that be the lives of his comrades being lost in the fight for humanity’s freedom, or Historia needing to step up and take her rightful place as Queen, or his squad having to take the lives of other people to survive, or the numerous lives given to protect Eren, all of it is only tolerable to Levi so long as he believes there is MEANING behind it all, that there is a greater good to be achieved, that it will all lead to a better life for humanity all around.  For someone like Levi, who grew up in such utter depravation and abject poverty, in a world of ruthless and uncaring violence, where his own life was deemed by society to have no worth or value at all, the import of being able to believe in something better, in a better world, where all that suffering didn’t have to happen for nothing, can’t be overstated.  It was like his one, shining light to be found in an otherwise pitch black world, and when he saw it, Levi grasped it with both hands and never let it go.

It speaks too to Levi’s own, inherent idealism, I believe, that he was ABLE to believe the words coming from Erwin’s mouth, when everything in his life up to that point should have crushed any sort of idealistic fancy from him.  Levi wanted to believe it.  His own, innate kindness is what allowed him to.  I don’t think Levi ever fully believed life to be hopeless, or pointless, even before he met Erwin.  It’s why he was able to form bonds with people like Furlan and Isabel, why he did everything he could to help them, to make their lives better, to take care of them, and to help other orphans and delinquents in the Underground.  That he was able to open his heart up to the possibility of friendship and family, and have in him the desire to help those in need, even as it was already a struggle just to keep himself alive, is proof of Levi’s always pure and giving heart.  I think Levi has always desired to make the lives of others better, to do all he could to help others, to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves, and to give value to the lives of those deemed worthless by society.  I think Levi’s always held that kind of compassion and caring and kindness in him, that he’s always just been naturally inclined towards helping others, and wanting to improve their circumstances.  I think where Levi probably struggled was in believing he could achieve those things on his own, or at all.  In believing the plausibility of those dreams, or the value in even harboring such secret desires for something so idealistic.  In believing even in the possibility.  Life, after all, had shown him nothing but the opposite.  What Erwin did for Levi was make him believe in the possibility of his own power to make a difference, and validate his hope as something more than just fancy, turning it to something tangible, something he could work towards and achieve with his own, two hands.  Surrounded by so much pain and suffering without purpose, Erwin gave Levi the realization that, even if he had power in nothing else, he had the power to give the sacrifices and suffering of others meaning.  He had the power to make sure the lives of others were worth something more.   Erwin didn’t make Levi a better person.  Levi was ALWAYS a good person.  What Erwin did was give Levi the ability to believe himself capable of making the difference he always wanted to make.  He gave Levi the ability to genuinely, truly hope.  

[morganas-pendragons]

It’s A Long Way Down | D.D.

gif by @bestintheparsec

I was never planning on posting something on Tumblr during No Content November, but this idea has been stuck in my head since I saw Mando 2x03 and on top of that, people kept tweeting ideas on Twitter and now this thing is born... be gentle. I’ve been hesitant to write for him since I started the show last year. I played a little bit with what we know of Din’s past for the sake of this plot. 

Without further ado, hurt/comfort galore! 2x03 spoilers!

Please let me know what you think!

tag: @earthtokace​ / @dindjarindiaries​ / @kyber-queen​ 

*** 

  “What’s the last thing you remember?” 

  “Drowning.” He replies, soft and quiet as he processes the last three days in the midst of the silence. “Almost drowning.. and thinking about how you’d cope when I was gone.” 

If I was gone. 

Maybe the world would be better off. That’s what Din thinks. That thought lingers for a split second in his mind until he sees the desperation in your aspect and how you need him to understand that this world is a better place with him in it. 

The Watch didn’t allow him attachments. They didn’t allow him to feel. He was a warrior. 

He was a warrior, and the entrance of you and The Child made his hardened heart soft. 

Din has never liked the water.

When he’d been taken in by the Mandalorians and had sworn his Creed, the one thing they had drilled into his mind for his entire childhood was that he was a warrior. Warriors knew how to fight, how to survive, how to endure. 

A Warrior who did not dare show his face. This was The Way, and the way kept him safe. 

The one thing he could never quite master as a Foundling was enduring the water. To stop the way his lungs seized, how panic overtook him, how he just stopped. 

Din didn’t like the water, and Din had never really learned how to breathe.

Then he’d met you. You - the one person he could admit to loving, to admiring from a distance because he has his Creed and you have some kind of Code you live by - and your devotion to both him and The Child has slowly eased the ache in his chest, cracked open his ribs, and taught him a different way of breathing. 

Slow, steady, easy. He’s never known life to be that way. 

***

There is no Light without the Dark. 

Through passion, I gain focus. 

You had run across Mando just after the end of the Empire. You’d seen that Death Star explode with your very own eyes and had declared that your final mission with The Rebellion, in which you bid a tearful farewell to Luke and Leia and made your way into the galaxy. 

A vast galaxy.. alone. 

You and Luke had very differing views on the Jedi Order as a whole and in that difference, you’d taken two different paths. You had followed the Code of the Grey Jedi, and Luke had taken to the Jedi Code. 

That Code had carried you through alot of darkness. 

Through knowledge, I gain power 

Through serenity, I gain strength 

The Clone War had introduced you to the concept of Mandalorians. You’d never really had the pleasure to meet one as you’d always been on different fronts a distance from the Dream Team, but you knew of them. You knew they carried a Creed the same way you did. 

What you didn’t expect was the extent in which The Mandalorian did. The two of you had met in a cantina only days after he’d taken on The Child, and his claim for knowing where to find you on Sorgan was whispers of a rogue Jedi who’d left the Rebellion to seek peace.

Peace was what you found, contrary to popular belief. Compared to being a part of the Jedi Order, being with The Mandalorian was the most peaceful thing you’d done in over a decade. 

Through victory, I gain harmony

You’d been raised around Yoda, so you were familiar with the species, but past that.. You were as clueless as Din was. 

You stowed your lightsabers away and that part of your life with it. You left behind the title of Jedi and put all of your efforts into taking care of The Child. Into taking care of Din. 

That was easier said then done. 

There is only The Force. 

*** 

I wasn’t supposed to fall in love. 

That’s all he is thinking as he stands examining the vast waters of the ocean the two of you sail on with the Quarren crew. Your fingers are curled in the direction of The Child’s pram, and he’s giggling as he tries to maintain control of his body while you spin him. 

It’s the first time he’s seen you smile in weeks. It’s always small ones too. He looks forward to the first time he’s granted the opportunity to see a real smile. 

It had taken you a while to open up to him about your time with the Jedi. You’d barely been a padawan when The Order’s genocide had been in effect, and the greater majority of your life had been lived in fear. Your Code and your Lightsaber were your only guide until Leia had found you and recruited you into The Rebellion. 

All your life you’d been looking for a purpose, and she’d given you one. 

Being here with The Child - caring for him, teaching him, had given you a new purpose - and being with The Mandalorian had taught you a newfound sense of compassion for people raised as he had been. 

Your compassion and heart had won him out in the end. He’d admitted to being in love with you months ago, but he had yet to vocalize it. He would. He will. 

It happens so fast. One minute the two of you are smiling - even though you cannot see his own - about The Child’s reaction to the Mamacore, and the next minute you’re roaring with rage as his pram is shoved into the center of the cage and he’s forced to retreat inside for fear of being killed. 

He’s a child. A child who’s been too involved in death, in seeing death, in flirting with death.. and Din has had enough of it. 

Din Djarin doesn’t like the water. He doesn’t like how it weighs him down, how it threatens to suffocate him, to fill his lungs with something cruel and cold that replaces the warm fire that floods his veins that has been placed there by you. 

  “You’re-You’re a Jedi?” 

  “Push him down! Harder!” 

His world is illuminated in a flurry of blue light as the Quarren’s keep pushing him down under, down down down and his first thought is ner jeti.. i’m sorry. He’s sorry that he’s again put you in this position where you’ve had to reveal yourself, reveal who you are, and all to protect him and The Child. 

Failure. 

He’s a failure. 

Between you and the trio of Mandalorians that arrive shortly after, the Quarren’s are dealt with in a matter of moments and then he’s being lifted - his lungs are reactivating, are expanding and contracting to remind him that he is alive - and he collapses in the midst of wheezing his concern for the child. 

  “The Child! Help-Help The Child!” 

The Mandalorian on the left dives into the water to rescue The Child from the creature. You turn your attention away from the bodies and sheath your sabers  before kneeling in front of Din to assess him. 

  “The Child-” He rasps, because his thoughts are never on himself, only you and The Child. His life doesn’t matter if it means the two of you are safe. “Jeti, ner ad-” 

Jedi, my son. 

Your gentle hand on his knee is enough to capture his thoughts. Your way of evaluating Din’s state has never been through the physical sense, but the mental. He doesn’t know how to shield because The Jedi was a foreign concept to him until he met you, and he’s always been receptive to your gentle nature. You don’t need to talk. You never have. 

You look. 

His mind is a flurry of panic and fear as you gently soothe it into a peace that makes his whole body go lax as Koska breaks the pram shell in half and gently scoops out the baby. “Here you go, Brother.” Koska murmurs, watching from beneath her helmet as you stand to your feet and allow Din to reunite with The Child he claims not to have an attachment to. 

Yeah... okay. 

Din and Bo-Katan converse - in which he is given an inexplicable truth about himself that he's not quite sure how to process - and he shuts down the idea of them even being real Mandalorians because their way is not his way. It’s a whole new reality he’s never had to face before. 

  “You are a Child of The Watch.” 

And as you stand there, you take in the distress in which the man you love - and have yet to tell - is trying so desperately to hide. 

***

His panic bursts through the surface when you unsheathe your sabers in the hall that connects and run right into the line of fire, deflecting blaster bolts left and right so Din can run right past you and blow the door to the bridge right open. 

The fight about it comes later, long after the two of you have returned to The Crest for the coordinates to Coravus where Ahsoka Tano is supposedly located. She is a Jedi - or was, once - and might be the only connection you have left to the person you used to be despite how young you had been at the time. 

Your first clue to his apparent agitation is the way he hasn’t unclenched his fists and has yet to look at you from where he sits in the cockpit. Your anger is growing steadily at his silence, which has never happened before.. not until you put your life into the line of fire. 

  “Say it.” Your voice echoes from behind the captain’s seat as you cross your arms over your chest. “Mando-please, stop giving me the kriffing silent treatment and just let me have it.” 

  “Ner jeti...” He stops short and stands to his feet, practically towering over you in a way that would intimidate most people. He has never once made you feel afraid... but he constantly makes you ache. With want, with pain, with desire. He makes you feel things you haven’t felt since before Order 66. “You cannot do that.” 

  “Do what?? Save your life? Mando, I’m-” 

  “Din.” Your rant is cut off halfway as he exhales lowly, a rumble through the modulator, and lifts a helmeted head to meet your gaze. “My name is Din Djarin. I thought it was time you know that.” 

Your entire body freezes. You have been a partner, an ally, since the day he’d found you on recruited you to help return The Child to his kind. You have been careful in ensuring that it’s strictly a professional relationship, you never had anticipated this- The intimacy that comes with divulging such a secret as his real name. 

  “Din?” You rasp, eyes glassy with tears as the air is knocked from your lungs. It rolls off your tongue easily. The sound of his name, his real name, is beautiful. “Wow. It’s... beautiful.” 

His response to your affirmation is like watching a galaxy of stars be born in front of your very eyes. He’s so receptive to it.. starved of it. 

  “I used to forget everything.” Din says. “The people who trained me.. they wanted me to be the best of our clan. There was so much we had to learn. Gun training, hand to hand, the significance of beskar and how important our Beskar’gam was to our safety. I was so good at it. I excelled.. but the one thing I could not shake? The water. 

They trained me in the water, jeti. They trained me in the water, to become part of the water... all I could think about was how much it suffocated me. I’m af-” He stops himself short because admitting to a fear is not something he was taught to do, it was bottle it up and compartmentalize in order to get the mission finished. “Afraid of the water because I can’t fight it like I do with a bounty. I can just..” 

  “Succumb. Sink. Let go.” You murmur. “And that’s not something you know how to do.” 

  “Yeah.” 

You’re oddly intrigued by the fact that this utterly fearless person, this man, was afraid. He’d always struck you as the opposite. 

  “What’s the last thing you remember?” You ask.  

  “Nearly drowning.” He replies. “And wondering how you and the ad would cope when I was gone. That’s why I need to tell you.” Din takes another step to close the gap that stands between you both. You’re practically trembling with anticipation. “Thinking about how...” 

Din stops. You rest a hand against the exposed skin of his neck and tilt your head as his mind thrums - resonates with the truth of his affection for you - and your lips part in wonder as you realize what he’s trying to tell you. 

  “Me too.” You whisper. “For a while.. probably since the start. Din, you are a good man. You’ve always been a good man, and I think it’s time that someone puts your needs before themselves instead of the other way around. Please.” Din is slightly taken aback at the pleading tone of your voice as you meet his gaze. “Please let someone take care of you.” 

That’s all you can muster before he’s collapsing at your feet. 

  ‘’Take it off.” He begs. 

  “No, no- Your Creed-” 

  “Sarad, I want to learn how to breathe again.” He interjects. “This is how I do that. It’s just a faster way of being able to be married to you for the rest of my life.” The man you love is kneeling at your feet and totally willing to abandon part of his livelihood because of you. “There’s nothing I’d want more. Go ahead. Take it off. Please.” 

Part of you had always been okay with the anonymity, but as this choice lays just within your fingertips, you find yourself desperate to look upon the face of the man who’d destroy entire galaxies for you and his son. 

The Beskar’gam hisses as you remove his helmet and find yourself staring into vulnerable onyx eyes that are wide enough to envelop whole star systems in their splendor. 

  “Din Djarin.” You whisper, smiling tearfully as trembling hands lift to cup a stubbled jaw. “What a beautiful face to put with an equally beautiful name.” 

He exhales his breath on a shuddered sigh and leans into your touch as you begin mapping his face with your fingertips. Din doesn’t dare move, too drunk on the feeling of touch ghosting across his skin in a intimate way that he’s not experienced since his parents left him in that cellar. His face grows warm at how needy he must seem, but you don’t seem bothered by it. 

In fact, the way his skin blooms red under your kiss makes your heart swell and your smile widen at the reaction it elicits. 

  “You know Din, if you wanted me to kiss you.. all you had to do was ask.” You muse. You can read his mind and his body in the same way you read the feel of your lightsaber and the air of a room of hostiles. “Now I don’t know about you, but The Child is asleep and I find myself tired after having to deal with Bo-Katan all day.. can we go to bed?” 

  “Yes.” He nods once, then twice, allowing you to take his gloves off and lead him in the direction of the tiny cot that somehow manages to house you both. The Beskar’gam comes off one piece at a time until Din is now standing in his usual underclothes which you have not been able to grace yourself with the image of until now as he lays each piece on the floor. 

You’re laying flat on your back when he’s finished, arms extended towards the ceiling as you beckon him forward. Din realizes that as he stares at your willingness to be there for him in his most vulnerable moment that he may sleep tonight with no night terrors. 

No thoughts of drowning. 

  “Din Djarin, cyare..” You coo, beaming as he crawls into the bed and allows himself to curl into your body and rest his head on your chest. “I think you should hear it now.” Gentle fingers card through dark curls as he focuses on his breathing - in and out in and out - and listens to the sound of your voice to lull himself to sleep. “I love you.” 

He hums thoughtfully and burrows himself deeper into your neck, smiling against the curve of your neck as you lightly graze his temple with your lips. Before Din can properly fall asleep, he rolls himself on top of you and settles himself comfortably against your body. It’s not too heavy, just enough to envelop you in the warmth he radiates. 

He’s safe.

You wrap your arms and legs around his form and nuzzle his temple. 

Darkness falls upon both of you as Din whispers, “Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.” before promptly falling asleep in your capable hands. He’s safe. 

Tonight.. he’s not drowning. 

Tonight, he breathes. 

[yandere-sins]

What about a stern priest that falls in love with a girl who just came to visit his church because she moved into his small town? Although very religious for his whole life, he's just accepting the girl for who she is, a complete opposite (even if they have the same interest in arts, books etc) First she's friendly but then becomes distant because notices his interest in her... And he's sure that this girl is a "god's gift" to him after all these years of loyalty and they're meant to be together

Can’t deny that I am always smitten with yandere’s that need to be ‘pure’ for some reason or another. Just a big ol’ weak spot of mine :D Enjoy!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««    

They were meant for each other.

Anyone opposing that fact was spouting profanities in the face of their own god. After all, it was the power from above that sent her to his church, made her find her way to his threshold. She was a blessing in the form of a human, just like him, and he could not have asked for a better gift after all these years of devotion to nothing but their Lord’s instructions.

Alone the fact that she returned to him in time for confession was enough to prove it. For a while, the Priest had feared that she might lose her way, seemingly nowhere to be found around the church. But thanks to the urging of the people in the community, she had been pushed back on the righteous way meant for her. Right back to him.

From the moment she had arrived in the small fisher’s town, she had changed up the ways of the people, teaching them new technologies and antics she learned in the big city she had come from. He hadn’t been all too happy with it, seeing how the people started to strife away from traditions and values. With the wind of change that she brought, other, less welcome members of society joined the community. Gamblers, corrupt salesman, harlots. Now it was a bustling place, and so was his church and especially his confession booth, as the people flocked in with tales of deception and infidelity.

But it would have been a lie if he said she didn’t move him too.

He had never been anything but the town’s priest, the position promised to him when he was just two days old. Every waking moment of his life had he spent studying the holy scripts, practicing ancient rites, and helping people over their problems no matter the topic, even when he was still too young to even understand them. A prodigy priest, that’s what he had become with just 16, and now, with 24, he was an important member of the community, even though the people began turning away from him.

It wasn’t his fault that he grew stern and cold. If anyone else had been confronted with the sins of humanity from such an old age, breaking down over fearing to fall into the same misery as other people did, surely, they’d began to grow a thicker skin too. And now that he had her, he knew there was at least one other person who understood him.

At least her confessions never spoke of her trying to steal another wife’s man, or how she murdered her brother - which she had five of, all younger than her, and corrupter, he was sure! - or even just about her problem with the good old wine. She only ever spoke of how she worried about other people and their problems, and how much she dreaded not being able to help them more, feeling like she was desensitizing from them the more she heard.

Ah, she understood it so well.

The same scenario played that day. A farmer’s daughter had become pregnant from a merchant on travel, and she came here in the young lass’ stead to ask for forgiveness. Both of them knew there wasn’t more to do than that, the daughter probably ending up with a bastard’s child and shunned by her own family after all.

“What a pity it is,” the priest spoke, holding away the curtain from the booth to let the woman of his peculiar dreams out. The touch they shared as he held out his hand for her to reach for as she stumbled out of the dark, wooden box, was way too short for his taste.

“Is it, though? Isn’t it wonderful how she’ll experience motherhood?” was her quick and witty response, never having been a girl too shy to say what was on her mind. “Perhaps,” he pressed forth through gritted teeth, having nothing more to say. It should have been his duty to console even people with greater mistakes than an unplanned pregnancy, and he should have been the one to tell this woman of how everyone was supposed to keep themselves pure until marriage. But he wasn’t one to talk back to her, much rather wanting to hear more from her instead of his own voice.

“You have stopped coming to the church lately, has something happened?” he asked. Directly, blunt. Just like he was.

“Oh, Father, I...” Unusual for her, she grew timid, wringing her hands in front of her as she looked down. She always looked as if her mind was far away on a new adventure, but today, she seemed especially reluctant to share what was going on inside her. Their shared walk to the front of the church came to a halt, her back turned away from the door so she could face him, despite not being able to look at him.

He only allowed himself to gaze at her longingly for the moment she wasn’t aware of her eyes on him. She was as pretty as a jewel, as colorful and fun as the trees in fall. People gathered around her, her laugh as sweet as the singing of the birds, with eyes shining like sun rays on top of the ocean. There was nothing more he wished for as to reach out and hold her in his arms, take in her shining aura on top of his dimmed, almost vanished one.

If anything, he was the Hades to her Persephone, characters he only heard about in theatre, though they made so much more sense now. And he wanted her. Wanted her to stay here by his side, in these old, traditional stone walls. It would have been enough if she became what he always thought her to be, a friend to the people, a sister of the order he was under. To serve them and live modestly by his side until death does them part.

“I fear...” she muttered, bringing her hands to her chest. “The reason I cannot come anymore is because...”

She seemed abashed, hurting beneath her sunny exterior. A gasp escaped his mouth as the realization hit him, that in her good will and helpfulness, no one ever seemed to take care of her in return. She was always alone with her own worries and fears. The only time she allowed herself to bring them up was with him, behind the grid of the confession booth. Yes, he understood her. And he understood her reasons. They were the same as his, after all.

No one knew her better than he did.

“No more words,” he ordered strictly as he pulled her to his chest, enveloped her body in his ropes. On his face, a never known warmth spread, his heart filling with joy and adoration, as well as thankfulness for the divine dispensation. “I understand even without you saying it. And I must confess... I feel the same way. I, too, am scared of those feelings I harbor for you, and I fear how the people will react if they find out. But it’s alright, as long as we are together, just like we are meant to from above--”

“But, Sir!” she stirred, pushing away from him and tearing apart the blissful moment of intimacy they shared, leaving a bitter taste on his feelings.

“I do not fear my own feelings! But I fear yours! It’s you I fear the most, Father!”

She was quick to take a few, precautious steps away from her. Her eyebrows were furrowed in concern, hands held up defensively. Just like a deer in the eyes of a predator. But that’s not what he was, right? Yes, he was stern and strict, and sometimes too possessed by old values, but he wasn’t an animal, right? He wouldn’t even kill a fly, much less hurt a person.

Before he could say anything, she turned, her clothes captured by the wind of her motions as if they were taunting him. Taunting him to reach out, to grab her and tear on her, and not let her go. Her arms swang back and forth as she made her way out of the church hurriedly, and she almost succeeded, one hand on the large, cold door handle.

The priest’s grip made her squeak from surprise, his fingers adding a crushing weight on her wrist. She twirled around because she was forced to, not because she wanted, her free hand wrapping around his pleadingly. Just for a moment, their eyes met, and he caught his own reflection in those scared, miserable gems of hers. His expression, the bared teeth, the angry shine in his eyes, the many, many wrinkles in his face of anger, concern, and desperation.

That was the only time that he realized that what she saw wasn’t the town’s priest. To her, he didn’t seem like the person everyone else liked and encouraged her to meet. Even when he thought they were so similar, from their taste in books to their dreams for the village, she had been the only one with keen eyes, purity seeing through all evil that was harbored inside of him.

And it was just her who could see the absolute demon he was.