#man this time travel shit is making it hard for me to plan fanart

[8cfc00]

edgar and mike do you think we're together in every universe and then cut to edgar floating in the pacific ocean, dead edgar with his gentle hands dot png, mikey killing edgar that one time, edgar alone in the s10 timeline, michael and his cowboy hat and wedding band

[czarojay]

I can’t stop thinking about how Wilbur’s music goes with Wilbur the dsmp character( not the real Wilbur Wilbur, the same thoughts don’t apply to irl Wilbur, don’t worry o/ ). So here it is a post where i’m gonna just talk about my thoughts on this topic. 

Not all songs worked for me like Jubilee line for example, so don’t be surprised they’re not included.

Gonna make it a long post so people uninterested can go on, have a nice scroll across your dash, cya next time :] 

Saline solution, not all the lyrics, but a big majority applies to the smp story of his.  

I think I've lost my mind Blurring the fact and the fiction 

This one i’ve used myself in one of my fanarts and i really think it works well with Wilbur. He’s lost himself in the banishment, unsure of whether they’re the heroes or the villains, until he’s gone insane, unsure of what’s the truth and who’s lying to him. Maybe he’s lying to himself? Maybe everyone is actually a traitor? 

I think I've made my choice I'm a disease playing victim Slip the fate slip the victory I think I've made my choice Sink secluded in hatred Void the plans friends are making I think I've found my voice I'm a leech sucking blood bags Taste defeat, it's a sandbag

This really works way too well in my opinion. Wilbur played the victim for a long time, that he untruly lost his presidentship, despite being the one who proposed the election in the first time. He was a poor overthrown rightful leader, not the terrorist some people viewed him as. 

But in the end he did void the plans friends were making. When Tubbo became the president, he left, he made his choise, he let the victory slip, he decided to throw it all to the ground and blow it up. Wilbur the character, was a leech of L’Manburg, Pogtopia and for a brief moment New L’Manburg. At first a looked up to leader, became a person who manipulates others, causes death and destruction and is the source of problems in the end. 

Your Sister Was Right doesn’t have the same energy to me as the song above does, but I still could quite easily find bits which hit me badly.

I thought I couldn't love anymore Turns out I can't, but not for the same reasons as before I use everyone I ever meet I can't find the perfect match Abuse those I love While I ostracize the ones who love me Back

Wilbur the smp character did abuse and manipulate and use people around him. The first wasn’t as noticeable at first, but in the end, I feel it might have been more emotional rather than physical abuse? It’s hard not to imagine all the ways Tubbo or Tommy could have been traumatised because of Wilbur. The Festival is just one of the examples. Tommy for a very brief moment did consider fleeing. He stayed just because Tubbo didn’t want to go with him. 

After the exile Wilbur started to ostracize people around him. He wasn’t the happy and good big brother to everyone of L’Manburg. He became a twisted man, he didn’t interact with them the same way. They didn’t understand him in the end, did they? They were all traitors, couldn’t be trusted. He was alone, he needed to do this by himself, didn’t he? I’m Sorry Boris doesn’t really feel like I could just take out the lyrics and point at Wilbur and go “This fits”. I’m gonna do it anyways and try to interprete them the best I can! 

I'm not good for anyone here We reached the end of a decade Greenwich morphs into an arcade Southwark turns into a highway Up to hamlets, a tax break Newham, Islington a headache And Richmond's still shit

This could work with L’Manburg. This is the end of this era, isn’t it? All the ideals Wilbur stood for have been abandoned. They don’t fight with words anymore, they use weapons. They’re not fighting against the bad guys, Dream, they became the bad guys, terrorists here. They changed and so L’Manburg has also changed. Into Manburg. The walls are gone, buildings abandoned, the hto dog van devastated, new buildings growing and Manburg looks barely like it used to look like. It’s not L’Manburg anymore and even if they won it back it could never be the same, right?

But they'll knock down the pubs before helping you They'll burn down your towers before helping you They'll charge for your healthcare before helping you They'll let you jump under trains before helping you

If you squint hard enough, this could be Wilbur speaking to Niki. Schlatt taxed her more, Sapnap killed Fungi, Fundy, her friend and co-runned for the presidency, in the end also abandoned her for Schlatt, even if he was a spy. 

Even Wilbur abandoned her, waiting for the right moment supposedly, but taking her under his wing only after the Festival, which was when he would kill her along with countless other people if the button plan did work. She was on her own.

And even though I'm finished I'm not quite done with it No matter how far I run south I'm always there My lovers, my colleagues My best friends and enemies I don't think I want to leave you

This could apply to many things. To how Wilbur was in the room 8 times, yet didn’t press it. To how Wilbur gave countless chances, occasions for the problem to be solved without detonating the tnt. But it could also not work at all, since he wasn’t finished. He said so himself. Unfinished symphony. 

But at the same time, he didn’t want to leave them. He became a ghost and ghosts only stay when they have unfinished business behind. He must have decided he didn’t want to leave them, he decided to stay after his death.

And finally Since I Saw Vienna. The song which pushed my to making this post.

I am not going to copy and paste the whole song here, cause that would be such a bother to read and make sense at the same time, so instead i will just talk about my interpretation instead. And I am not saying this interpretation is the best or the correct one, but it’s how i choose to understand this.

Since I Saw Vienna is about a person of fluid personality, a person who also walks and moves and travels. In the second verse the lyrical subject’s goal are described as " horizon's my target “ and it makes me think of a person who has a goal set in mind and tries to reach it, but can’t. It’s moving so they move as well, trying to reach it (” If I keep on moving, never lose sight of it “). 

And doesn’t that sound so similar to Wilbur? He keeps trying to achieve his goal, but in the end he lost it, he doesn’t know what it is anymore. 

Treating my memory of you like a fire, let it Burn out, don't fight it, and try to move on

And this sounds like Wilboo doesn’t it? His memory problems? He does try to remember, but still it’s a little too close for me, not to think about. 

And finally,

I'll pick up my hiking boots when I am ready And I'll put down my roots when I'm dead

These are one of the rawest lines I’ve seen. Maybe not to all people, but this is the part of the song which hits me the hardest.

This is Wilboo. Wilbur is dead, he moved the whole live, he tried to achieve something, he fought, he lived, he lost, he won and he died. He focused on nothing other than reaching his goal during his life. He said he wanted one day to build a small cottage or wood hut in the forest to retire to one day, but he never grasped any chance to do that, he just kept going, trying to achieve something. 

Really, he settled down only when he died. He’s happy again, as happy as he can be with people being anxious around him and his memory being blank and seemingly becoming more and more empty with each day he lives through as a ghost. Only now, he’s building a house, enjoying his post mortiem life.

He’s putting his roots down only now, when he’s dead. 

[yodawgiherd]

Show, Don't Tell

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Yet another fanart-inspired work, because all I do lately is scroll Twitter and feel pain because of the leaks. Check it out -----> https://twitter.com/AnnLuVazzel/status/1392937671467671554/photo/1

I just wanted to take my mind off canon which is turning into a pile of flaming garbage.... So have some HS AU shenanigans instead!

“Dark knight! Dark knight!”

A weight crashed into the side of Eren’s body, familiar fingers quickly grasping his arm.

“C’mon Miki,”, he mumbled, ”I told you not to call me that in public.”

But when he looked at her, seeing the giddy look on her face and the light in her eyes, Eren couldn’t be mad at his girlfriend. Why did it matter that she called him strange names when he got to look at her from this close, when he got to…

Turning his body to face her better, Eren leaned in and Mikasa quickly got the message. Tilting her head she kissed him, her lips meeting his in a familiar and practiced movement. As it should, considering that they have been together for a year already.

When they first met, three years back, Eren thought that Mikasa is weird. The occult lover’s strange style of clothing and makeup and how she was adamant about calling him a “Dark Knight”, her defender against Jean’s advances, annoyed him at first. But then he got to know her, and those prejudices faded away.

Mikasa was a sweet, gentle being, hiding herself behind a wall of indifference and goth-ness, the more time they spent together the more he liked her. He also began to notice that she is really cute, especially when one of the rare smiles crossed her pale face. It took Eren a year and a half before he truly realized his feelings, and another six months to gather his courage and ask Mikasa out.

They went to see a movie, and although it was an interesting one with some man-eating giants running around Eren couldn’t fully concentrate on it. His eyes kept traveling to Mikasa’s face, seeing the tiny tears that appeared in the corners of her eyes when the main hero died.  Armin would enjoy it if he was here, but Eren managed to croak his plan to him over the phone and the blond did what a true friend does and stayed home.

After the movie they grabbed ice cream, Mikasa’s favorite treat, and just strolled through the city while Eren kept repeating the whole speech in his head.

“Hey Mika,”, he began, getting her to stop and face him, “How do you… you know... feel about me?”

An adorable blush spread over her cheeks while she whispered some words that made no sense, and Eren knew that he would have to be the one to break it.

“I kinda like you.”, he deadpanned, “And I was wondering if you like me too.”

She stared at him, wide-eyed, stared for so long that Eren wondered if he didn’t break her with those words. But then the silence stretched from cute to uncomfortable and he realized that he probably put her on a spot – she was trying to figure out the gentlest way to let him down. That was not what friends do, so cursing himself inwardly, Eren offered her a way out.

“Sorry, that was a strange thing to ask.”, half-turning away, he went on, “Let’s….”

Her fingers grasped the sleeve of his shirt, holding on with much more strength than Mikasa’s slender build suggested. When she looked up to meet his eyes, the adoration that Eren saw in her face was everything he ever hoped for.

“I kinda like you too.”, she confessed.

And that was that.

Dating Mikasa Ackerman came with a number of things that Eren never realized when he asked her out, but that became known to him over their year-long romantic relationship.

It meant having to check his face anytime Eren went anywhere public because Mikasa was a messy kisser and her black lipstick left marks everywhere.

It meant dealing with Mikasa’s older brother, who – even with his short stature – scared the living shit out of him.

It meant a slow exploration of their intimacy and finding out that Mikasa, despite being so shy on the outside, could be demanding once private. She knew what she liked and wasn’t afraid to ask for it, and this went to the point where they watched porn together so Eren would get an idea of how to improve his stroke game. There was still something that she wasn’t telling him, he suspected, a darker side of her that only came out when Mikasa was truly losing control. Like those times when, deep in a haze, she asked him to slap her, spank her, or pushed Eren to be rougher….

Well, he was willing to give anything a try, as long as it was with her. Mikasa would tell him about these things once she felt comfortable about it, and Eren had no reason to push her. The things that they were doing together were already something from his wildest dreams.

“Do you have plans today?”, she asked, once they began walking home from school, still holding onto his arm.

Yea she was clingy, but he didn’t mind it one bit. Plus, walking around school and having the most beautiful girl there hold onto you like this? Let’s just say that it gave Eren quite an ego boost.

“Not really,”, he answered her question, “since I aced the test today – thanks to your tutoring I might add, I have free time.”

“Oh, come over then, my parents aren’t home.”, her face lit up, “We can watch a movie together.”

“Is it Twilight?”

“Maybe….”

Eren used to hate these movies because he found them stupid and cheesy, but as he dated Mikasa he began to appreciate the more subtle things that watching this vampire on werewolf action brought. Like the fact that Mikasa was easily distracted from the movie, and when he kissed down her neck she rarely told him to stop. Or that seeing Edward shirtless seemed to turn her on, and Eren was right there to help Mikasa’s horny thoughts.

Honestly speaking, he would shake Mr. Pattison’s hand for all the good times his performance blessed him with.

They passed the walk home with small things, talking about school and whatnot until Mikasa was unlocking the door to her house and letting him in. The first thing Eren did was check if they are indeed alone and for one reason only – while he liked both Mr. and Mrs. Ackerman, Levi was his nightmare and was sneaky as a cat. If he ever caught Eren doing anything intimate with Mikasa, it would probably be the last thing the poor boy ever did in his life.

Mikasa went to get some snacks and Eren was left in charge of preparing the movie. He turned on her laptop, found the movie but also noticed that the battery was quite low. Searching for the charger, he couldn’t find it anywhere so Eren checked the nightstand next to Mikasa’s bed. However, the third drawer held quite a surprise and it wasn’t a laptop charger.

Unsure of what the hell it was, Eren pulled the thing out and inspected it. Two black leather straps connected to a red rubber ball in the middle, with the straps having a buckle at the end so it could be locked in place.

What the…?

The door opened and Mikasa was back, but her smile faltered as soon as she saw what Eren was holding. Eyes darting between his confused face and the thing in his hand, she scrambled for an excuse.

“I.. Uhm… I can explain.”, she squeaked.

And that was when Eren took the wind out of her sails.

“Is this like a goth accessory?“, he asked in such an innocent voice that she wanted to burst.

“H-Huh?”

“Like your chokers, you know,”, Eren gestured at her vaguely, indicating the collection of odd jewelry Mikasa wore, “Piercings, necklaces, things like that. Is this such a thing too?”

She stared at him, unblinking, deciphering what the hell did he just say.

Oh god. Oh god her dark knight was so innocent and cute. He had no idea…

“Kind of..”, she drawled, weighing her options.

She could lie, say that it is indeed just one of her odd decorations, let him continue living in darkness. He would probably never find out, as Mikasa had a hard time imagining where her Eren would ever come across a ball gag.

Or….

She could tell him the truth, reveal that she enjoys using toys in the bedroom, teach him how to use them. The sex was good but it could be so much more, the possibilities this course of actions unlocked….

The fire igniting in her lower belly was the only answer Mikasa needed.

“… but not really.”, she finished her thought, stepping closer to her boyfriend and taking that toy from between his fingers.

His beautiful emerald eyes were confused as he watched Mikasa snap the leather strap. She had him in her clutches now, deep in her lair, and she wouldn’t let her dark knight leave until he learned a thing or two about her kinks. Mikasa’s gaze drawing him in better than any spell, the half-smile on her beautiful face holding him in place, Eren listened as her next words were said in that low sensual voice that never failed to make his spine tingle.

“Let me show you.”

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E45 (Dec. 18, 2018)

Evening, all! @eponymous-rose​ is off tonight with such silly things like family and events and real life obligations, so I’m here to make bad jokes and have opinions instead.

For those who hadn’t heard, Brian & Ashley are engaged as of this week! Brian is taking both her last and first name to be ultra-progressive. Tonight’s guests: Sam Riegel & Matt Mercer. Matt is here willingly. Sam is not. We’re discussing Episode 45: The Stowaway, sponsored by LootCrate. Brian asks Sam for an impromptu song ad; he rhymes moot and loot and jigs and everyone is a little closer to death than they were a few moments prior.

Tonight’s announcements: Pub Draw & Name Drop are two new shows on the Critical Role channel--check out critrole.com for more details.

This Thursday’s episode is the last of 2018; Critical Role then returns on January 10.

Liam’s oneshot, The Night Before Critmas, airs at 7pm Pacific this Friday night. He’s been planning it for two years, and the VOD will be available December 23.

Talks Machina is also breaking for the holidays and will return on January 8, where they’ll have a cast-wide discussion on the state of the campaign so far. The questions open on Reddit, Twitter, and email on January 4th.

CR Stats: Nott has the most kills of the group with 37. The 45th HDYWTDT occurred in episode 45 as well. Twiggy’s dragon kill was the fifth guest kill of the campaign, and the 2nd guest HDYWTDT. In campaign one, guests got 22 kills and four HDYWTDTs. This was the longest episode of campaign two and the fourth longest of the series.

Matt and Deborah had met extensively to discuss backstory and mechanics, but hadn’t discussed much personality. The only person who wanted to check voice/accent was Khary (with Shakaste).

Deborah was one of the first guests they reached out to when they started streaming all that time ago, but she initially said no because D&D was such a personal thing for her and she didn’t want to share it with the internet. Everyone agrees she was worth the wait.

Everyone’s furious about Daredevil’s cancellation. :(

Sam thought it was fun to play alongside another Arcane Trickster because... “she was very good at it, all that great stuff that I forget to do.” Nott was jealous that many of the things that made her unique were present in Twiggy. However, the jealousy was later reversed because of how excellent Twiggy was in the fight.

The Happy Fun Ball was a narrative device Matt had been planning for a long time--he liked the idea of a pocket dungeon with lore attached. When they realized Deborah’s schedule would put her on a boat in the middle of nowhere, he found a perfect opportunity to bring it in.

Sam asks if Matt intended the device to be a one-use single episode thing, or something recurring, something for the party to further explore at their will. Matt explains very circuitously (and hilariously) that certain DMs may have in the planning of the introduction of the Happy Fun Ball originally intended for such Happy Fun Balls to leave with the guest, and were very surprised when said Happy Fun Ball (and all its hundreds of extraplanar rooms to explore) was left behind with the party instead. He then basically dares Sam to press a button and see what happens.

Nott doesn’t resent Fjord for touching the window or setting a time limit on the library exploration. While it was cool in the library, there were too many things attacking them.

Matt doesn’t necessarily intend his traps for Travis, but he likes having good buttons and bad buttons. “I just want shit to happen. Surprise me!” He admires the player that occasionally gets bold, rather than the one who always sends their minions out to touch all the tiles and trigger all the traps before they ever set foot in the dungeon. He also enjoys the meticulousness of Liam being at the same table as Travis’s impulsiveness.

Sam does not want the fans to send him larger flasks. His current flask holds 128 oz, which is exactly a gallon.

GIF of the Week: @criticalschluck with a hilarious movie-trailer-style GIF of Travis explaining he’s got an intelligence of 6 (Grog), then an intelligence of 14 (Fjord), then pushing buttons and experiencing... consequences.

Nott approves of Caleb’s choice to abandon the books to go back to the party. While she wants as much knowledge in his head as possible, it’s because “a smarter Caleb is a more powerful Caleb, and hopefully a Caleb that can stay alive a little longer.” Matt likes watching characters be put in situations where they have to choose between long-reaching character goals and the people they have chosen as their family. He was fascinated to see the struggle as he was ticking down the time on his sheet. He’s very excited to see what’s going to happen this Thursday.

Brian and Matt both fanboy over Sam’s 1hp decision.

Sam reflects on Jester’s being left behind--”not in a malicious way, you know, but sometimes in a big family someone gets left behind at a mall!”

Matt circuitously explains that the stained-glass window could be used to access other places. This man’s being slipperier than soap suds on wet tile tonight.

Nott was aware that the hit she took for Jester could have been a killing blow, but she was ready--”it was what goes through her head around Caleb a lot: ‘I’ve got to protect my friends.’” She’s very protective and very maternal, and Sam would have been okay if that had been the last of Nott.

Both Sam and Liam (and others) have begun to experience the in- and out-of-game changes that come with finally beginning to really know these characters. They certainly wouldn’t have died for each other at the beginning of the game, even knowing how hard their friends worked on these characters. It was originally a “system shock” (as Matt puts it) which required check-ins after certain blow-ups at the beginning of the campaign to make sure they (the players) were all okay. Now, though, they’re closer and closer to being willing to die for each other for both in-game and meta reasons.

Sam reflects on how both Caleb and Nott hate themselves, but manifest that very differently in how they treat other people. Caleb withdraws and puts up thick walls; Nott is quick to trust and care about everyone.

Nott is least close to Yasha at the moment. She’s still a li’l scared of her.

Matt had a few battle options planned out regarding which parts of which chamber were futzed with. The black tapestry was the one curtain they didn’t mess with that would have led to a “very rough encounter.” Matt had six maps built off-stage, just in case.

Sam’s backup character is a handsome actor named Sam Seagull.

Brian is annoyed that every encounter starts with the chat screaming “TPK.” Matt: “I hope not. That’d be my fault if that happened.”

While the dragon was very powerful, Matt had expectations that the party would understand very quickly that the fight didn’t necessarily have to end with the dragon’s death--he wanted them to understand the challenge was the exit, not the dragon. However, they came in in a different order than he’d anticipated, including party staggering, and that was when he started to get nervous.

Whatever magic had first triggered the first crystal would have been the same magic required to open the second door. It was proximity-based.

Fanart of the Week: @tehsasquatch, with this super-cool portrait of Nott.

On whether Nott feels as if she’s earned her comma: sometimes, especially in encounters like these, Nott feels just for a moment that she can be brave, she can be useful, she can be heroic--and then the moment it’s over the world comes crashing back down. When she’s out of those moments, she feels that she’s still just a goblin.

Is Sam ready for Nott to get the spotlight Fjord’s currently in?

Sam: No. Matt: [very intense face]. There’s a lot of backstory elements that he and Matt know that no one else is aware of, and he’s nervous about those coming to light.

The Traveler’s appearance was complete improv. Matt was reading the situation and the emotions and looking for ways to facilitate a heroic story, and when the dice worked in her favor, he felt it would be a wonderful, dramatic story beat to suddenly include--especially since the Traveler hadn’t responded much recently. Matt: “Yeah, that was really cool.”

The Traveler/Jester relationship has evolved in ways Matt both did and did not expect. He wasn’t sure how seriously Jester was going to take it. It’s the difference between believing in something and allowing that thing to define you as a person. He loves it. Sam: “The Traveler...is Taryon, right?”

Nott doesn’t see Caleb as abandoning her at all. “He’s a weak, puny man who needs to get himself out of danger.” It would have actually been harder if Caleb had been there, because if Nott had had to make a choice as to who to protect, Jester would be dead.

After Beau’s emergence from the orb, she probably for a few minutes would have thought that they were all dead behind her. It wasn’t that hours or days had passed--just a few minutes. Matt found Beau’s and Caduceus’s conversation at the end very fascinating and compelling, especially as a way to end the episode.

Nott agrees that Jester is not as happy and fine as she appears to be, especially after their talk about boys, but doesn’t feel it’s as severe as Caleb’s issues. “Jester’s a functional person.” However, Sam’s excited they’re getting past the “flitty person from the first half of the campaign” to the “core of sadness” as the story progresses.

Matt’s sure Yasha was not happy at all that her friends all disappeared without warning. “She spent six days thinking her friends were never going to come back. She doesn’t cry in a corner; she’s familiar with grief and loss. She hardens herself and moves on.” He’s hoping they’ll get to see some of that this week.

Critmas Spotlight: The Blind Weaver, a really, really cool 3D painting by a lady named Elaine Ryan, which has layers upon layers of polyurethane stained to make an amazing effect. See @elaineryanart on twitter and tumblr for more!

Talks Machina: After Dog

They decide where guests sit at the time of the episode. Matt likes to avoid the edges so they don’t feel like the outlier. Sam requests no attractive guests be placed immediately adjacent to him so that it does not detract from his glory. “That’s why I sit next to doggo Laura Bailey.” Brave man. Brave, foolish man.

Sam likes oatmeal raisin cookies. I am DELIGHTED, WHAT AN OLD MAN WHO SHARES MY TASTE. He also likes Werther’s, which is bringing back so many memories of my grandmother’s house. Matt likes ginger snaps, which are my favorite Christmas cookies also. I would kill for ginger snaps right now. Matt and Sam both are excited about pumpkin pie.

Essential D&D gifts, per Matt: dice, PHB, HeroForge custom minis if you really want to get them excited. He finds that getting in there and making a character can really help hook someone on the visual aspect & get invested in their character. Everything else is fluff. Sam suggests a music playlist for the first game; when he ran his first game with his kids, he liked having gridded paper to draw the maps on.

Matt does not feel that the crew of the ship has been mistreated, but they have been “neglected and dragged through places they didn’t expect.” He does think they’ll talk about everything they’ve done to all their friends and family when they get home in a very “you won’t believe this!” kind of way.

Sam always wears the same tie when he’s voice directing and on the first day of a new show. He’s wearing it tonight and can’t discuss the new show.

Favorite holiday movies! Brian: “Love, Actually” and “Die Hard,” as well as “Miracle on 34th Street.” Matt loves “A Christmas Story” (my favorite also, bless this man). Sam likes “Prancer” and “Scrooged,” but realizes mid-sentence that this is Brian’s first Talks as an engaged man.

Brian on proposing: ”It’s...the best.” They’d been together for over six years & met during the first Last of Us game. Brian describes himself as a former “piece of shit” and a very different person back then. Ashley had no expectations that he was going to propose & was totally surprised. Gah, this is too romantic.

Brian: “I always imagined for years what that moment would be like, and this topped all of my expectations... What more can you really hope for in this life than to feel that feeling with another person? It’s to me the pinnacle of our human experiences to be able to say ‘I’ve been through hell and yet found someone that I can definitely say I want to spend all the days of my life on this earth with,’ and the fact that it happened is fucking cool. It’s like heroin with none of the bad side effects.”

It was extremely stressful--but only the logistics. Apparently Matt’s proposal was extremely logistically intensive; Brian sympathizes.

And on that lovely, quiet note, we’re done for the night. Happy holidays, everyone. <3

[ticklishhpickle]

Curls

Summary: Phil was so in love with Dan. This was hard to hide. One day Dan stopped straightening his hair, letting his natural curls free and it became impossible to hide.

Word count: 1.8k 

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

Read it on AO3!!! —- https://archiveofourown.org/works/13023189 

—————————————————————————————-

He would be perfectly fine if Dan had just kept his straight hair. Phil’s sure of it. Sure, Phil often caught himself staring at Dan dreamily from across the room- but that was platonic. And Phil’s dreams of buying a house with Dan, growing old with Dan, starting a family with Dan- those were platonic too! It was completely normal for friends to want to PLATONICALLY spend the rest of their lives with friends. So yes, Phil was content platonically pining over his best friend Dan, his heart aching a little more each time Dan so much as brushed his hand with his. Until now.

Dan with straightened hair, was beautiful. His soft brown eyes, his sad dimple and his cute little nose all made up the face Phil was so crazy for. But Dan with curly hair. He was breathtaking.

It was the most boring day of the week- a Tuesday when a minor change in Dan sparked a major change in Phil. Phil was sat on his bed, the green and blue quilt comfy and definitely not in need of a wash under his legs. With his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, he was comfortably scrolling through tumblr- looking at doge memes and definitely not scrolling longingly through the phan tag (sort of). Phil had just stopped at a particular racy fanart piece of him and Dan- Dan’s face softly being cupped by Phil’s hands, their mouths locked. Phil felt his heart melt a little at the art until his eyes travelled lower and really examined what was happening in the photo.

“Oh dear!” The black-haired man slammed his laptop shut and stared at the wall, trying to contain his feelings of shock and mild disgust at what his ‘Phans’ imagined him getting up to with his best friend. Was that- was that a tail? Was that even physically possible?

“Phil?” His inner thoughts were interrupted by the brown-haired man in question. Phil scratched the back of his neck awkwardly before replying, feeling unnerved that the other person involved in that weird fanart was here with him so soon after seeing it.

“D-Dan! Hey, yo, what’s the haps with you Danny?”

What the hell did he just say? Dan was going to think he was crazy.

“Uhm, not much.” Dan let out a short, forced laugh to ease the awkwardness in the air.

“Since when did you call me Danny? And why are you staring at the wall Phil? You’ve been acting kind of weird lately.”

He hadn’t even realised he’d been staring at the wall the whole time. Shit. He quickly averted his eyes to his roommate, not prepared at all for the sight in front of him. His eyes, still as brown and soft as always, his lips, still chapped but so pretty and pink as usual, but his hair- he hadn’t straightened it today and it lay in a cute little mess of curls on his head, making him look even more gorgeous to Phil. He hated and loved this. Hated how mushy a pile of curls could make him, but loving how truly beautiful Dan looked at this very moment.

“Phil? Philip? Are you ok?” Dan’s posh voice snapped him out of his daze.

“Y-yes. Sorry, I spaced out for a moment, what was it you were saying?” Nice save, Phil. This was not going well. Dan gave him a slightly concerned looked before continuing.

“I was just asking about what you wanted to do for the next gaming video… but um, you were kind of looking at me funny. Is there something on my face?”

Yes. Beauty. That is what is on your face, Dan. Isn’t it obvious?

Phil weighed up his options. Either tell Dan the truth and say he was entranced by the beauty of his curls, or say he had toothpaste or something on his face when he clearly didn’t and risk concerning Dan even more. He decided to go with a toned down version of the first option. “It’s um, it’s just I wasn’t expecting the curls I guess,” he let out an awkward laugh, “Cause you’ve been straightening your hair nearly every day for the past 8 years Dan!”

Dan’s face fell at the statement and Phil’s aching heart broke a little. Silence hung in the air for a little too long before Dan responded.

“Do you not like it?”

Like it? I fucking love it. And you. That’s the problem. “No! I mean, not no, as in I don’t like it, no because I do like it, it suits you!” Phil’s sentence was awkward and he stumbled over most of the words, but he hoped Dan got the message. What he was not expecting was for a small blush to dust Dan’s cheeks.

“Oh- um, well thanks I guess. I’m going to go back to my sofa crease, I’ll, um see you later Phil.”

Dan timidly exited the room, leaving Phil feeling even more awkward and confused than he already was before.

Surely it would be simpler if Phil wasn’t madly in love with his roommate and best friend of eight years. This was a fact now. Phil was in love with Dan, and Dan almost definitely was not in love with Phil. Phil had finally come to terms with this the night before after his entire chest exploded with warmth upon seeing Dan’s curls. And wanted to tangle his fingers in said curls while kissing the lips of the owner of the curls was probably not the most platonic desire one could have.

Phil shook his head and continued munching on the cereal he stole from his roommate slash object of affection. He needed to stop sulking and start moving on. Phil looked around the apartment. Everything in it, from the picture of them at the Star Wars movie premiere together, to the little Dan and Phil plushies, to the extra box of cereal in the pantry Dan always bought in anticipation Phil would demolish most of the first box, just reminded Phil that Dan and him were together as friends, as a brand, but were not together in the way that so many of their fans and Phil hoped them to be. How was Phil supposed to escape his feelings without escaping his entire branding and career?

                                                                                                                                             Two weeks later and the moving on was not going exactly to plan. Phil had made a three point plan to get over Dan Howell.

1. Talk to Dan less. Go out more. 2. Get Louise to set you up on a date- with someone who is NOT Dan. 3. STOP LOOKING AT THE CURLS!!!

The first point? Failed epically. Phil was a socially awkward hermit. And how could he be expected to talk to his favourite person less? He had stuff to tell him!

The second? As if that was actually going to happen. As stated earlier, Phil was a socially awkward hermit.

The third? Boy, that was the one that failed the most. Ever since that Tuesday, Dan had completely stopped straightening his hair. Every morning Phil would be eating Dan’s cereal on the couch, and every morning Dan would walk into the lounge, offering Phil a soft smile behind his painfully adorable mess of curls. Phil had to stop himself from swooning whenever he looked at his best friend’s hair. Even during the evening, when Dan’s hair was brushed and less messy, it was still so beautifully curly. Phil would be envious of Dan’s hair if he wasn’t so busy worrying if his heart was going to beat out of his chest anytime soon.

It was a Tuesday again, and the minor change in Dan’s appearance was still ruining Phil in the most romantic way possible. Dan and Phil were sat in the gaming room, having just finished filming another Sims video. Dan, as usual had not straightened his hair and so Phil was unfairly left to turn into mush whenever he so much as looked at the younger man’s hair. Today there was little ringlet resting on Dan’s forehead, looking like the tail of the pig. So really it wasn’t Phil’s fault when his fingers reached out to stroke the ringlet, an unmistakably fond expression on his face.

“P-Phil? Um, what are you doing?”

Shit.

Phil retracted his hand immediately, as if he had been burned. Why was he so weird? Now Dan was gonna find out about his feelings and then Phil would have to move out because it was so awkward and shit Phil really should have responded to Dan’s question by now!

“It was, um, you had s-some fluff in your hair. I was just getting it out. Um, sorry.” Phil’s hands started shaking and his whole body felt flushed.

“You know maybe a few weeks ago i would have bought that, but you’ve been staring at my hair for the past few weeks, ever since I stopped straightening it. And now that I think about it, you’ve been staring at me for the past few years, I just never noticed. So is there something you want to tell me Phil?” Dan’s face held a smirk, but behind that Phil could see he was extremely nervous, his face flushed and his eyes expectant.

This was Phil’s chance. This was obviously an invitation to confess his feelings for Dan, and if he didn’t do it now, he knew he would probably never do it. Phil sighed before opening his mouth once again.

“Okay, you caught me. I may kind of have a small crush- alright screw that, I’m in love with you Dan. And I know you don’t love me back, it’s okay I’m just happy to be with you as friends, and I don’t want things to be weird between us because you’re honestly the most important-”

Phil’s nervous rant was cut off by a soft pair of lips meeting his own. What the hell. Phil responded as soon as he realised what was happening, indulging himself in something he had only been dreaming about for the past eight years. Dan kissed softly but passionately, just like Phil always imagined he would. His mouth tasted sweet and familiar, even though they had never done this before. His kisses were as soft as his hair. Phil quickly tangled his fingers in the curly brown hair he fawned after so much, smiling into the mouth of the man he fawned after even more. Before he knew it, Dan was pulling away and Phil audibly whined, before covering his mouth and blushing in embarrassment.

Dan giggled at this before resting his forehead against Phil’s. “I love you too Phil. I always thought I was so painfully obvious with my crush on you, but clearly not.” His smile was infectious.

“I had no idea Dan. I think i was too focussed on hiding my own crush on you, but when you stopped straightening your hair, I was done for. I haven’t been subtle at all for the past few weeks have I?” Phil laughed, lacing his fingers with Dan’s.

“Not at all, Phil. And that’s why the curls are here to stay.”

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E42 (November 20, 2018)

Dani was actually goofing around quite a bit here, but this still makes me think of some glorious 90s band, so I’m keeping it.

Anyway! The inimitable @eponymous-rose has done more than her share of recaps lately, so here I am picking up where I’ve been slacking off. Tonight’s guests are Marisha Ray and Laura Bailey (with special guest appearance from Ronin! Awwww), so I can hardly wait. We’re discussing Episode 42: A Hole in the Plan.

Tonight’s announcements: Brian is bursting with an announcement he’s not allowed to reveal for another six months. His favorite guess: something about him stealing all the money from the company and moving to an island, but that’s actually his long game, not the short one.

Throughout November, they’re raising money for Operation Supply Drop, Travis’s favorite charity, which supports both active and retired military.

No episode of Critical Role this week due to Thanksgiving. There will also be no episode of Talks Machina next Tuesday; instead, they’ll be airing Sam’s Fireside Chat! This was a reward from the Critter donations to the Pablove Foundation.

Critical Role hoodies are back in the store; the print is very similar to the original with a bit more embellishment on the text on the back.

“Honey Heist 3: Tova’s Honies” airs this Friday at 7pm Pacific! Marisha: “It was bear-nanas.” Laura: “Oh, no.”

CR Stats: Jester has cast Blessing of the Trickster 31 times; 15 of those times were on Nott. Jester technically won her bar brawl with Sorris! She dealt 16 points of damage to his 15. Beau continues to have the most natural 20s with 49. She also has the most natural 1s, womp womp. Marisha: “Well, I roll a lot, you know?” Brian: “Well, your husband is also a tyrant and not to be messed with.” Marisha says she thinks Gil’s die is cursed and everyone gasps. How dare.

Does Brian feel the pressure of following Dani, who was such an excellent host last week? No; when he went through the potential list of fill-ins, the only one that made sense was Dani.

Marisha sees Darktow as a super-abusive socialist society, which does not sit well with Beau. It’s a silk trap.

Jester’s conversation with Caleb was triggered by Fjord’s kiss, especially with her wondering if it really meant anything to either of them. Laura thinks of her high school crushes and how hard you crushed & how devastated you were at every perceived slight; Jester only has the view of romance through her mother, which means physical affection is very different from emotional affection in her mind. On Brian’s asking, Laura’s high school crush was Han Solo. When Laura’s sister was 12, she paid her $15 to paint Han and Leia in a dip kiss, which she still has framed in her current house. I’m dying, this is adorable.

Beau doesn’t exactly trust that Fjord is going to do the right thing, but him sleeping with Avantika doesn’t trigger her red flags in terms of “looking out for each other, keeping each other in check.” She’s looking more for them bullying someone when they don’t need to, being violent when it’s not necessary. “Pursuing power to endless depths and fucking hot pirates, that’s fine with Beau. She just doesn’t want to kill children.” Brian marvels at how this fits into Jester & Caleb’s conversation about killing people from the most recent episode.

Jester can tell Caleb is tortured, and more than anything she wants people not to be sad around her. She just wants desperately for him to be happy.

Marisha has thought a ton about what Beau would have said if Jester had come to her first about the kiss, especially since it was Jester’s first kiss (Marisha assumes, and Jester answers in an adorably non-committal not-not-a-negative). Beau would have been game for it. She doesn’t know if Beau would have given good advice, but she would have tried her best.

Brian spills that Mary’s character’s CHA in their home game is 6. They discuss Nott’s score of 5 and enjoy themselves mightily at both of their expenses.

GIF of the Week! By @ropadoper, it’s Liam casting Reduce and then the Wall of Fire at the end of the episode, both of which involve Marisha falling out of her chair to the floor in reaction so that only her forehead is visible. Everyone is being so cute this episode I can hardly stand it.

As a reminder, an international shipping facility has been created in the UK. Laura asides to tell Travis the keys are in the diaper bag. Literally everyone is in the studio tonight except Sam, EVEN ASHLEY.

Jester thinks the Traveler always gives very good advice, but his suggestion to trick Fjord was the first time ever she felt a little hesitation to follow his advice. Brian: “Is that because he’s never been wrong or because she’s never been allowed to disagree?” Laura says it’s always been amazing advice so far, much more a best-friend relationship, but this was the first time she didn’t want to take his suggestion wholesale because she wasn’t sure it’s how she wanted to get Fjord to like her. Marisha really likes the dynamic of finding out your childhood best friend is a god.

Beau finds herself still being careful with her walls--Marisha imagines Beau was put in a lot of, like, pageant dresses as a kid--so when Jester commented on her hair and then laughed, she felt a little of that “wait, what, do you actually care? Do I look like shit?” Laura says she laughed, not Jester, because it was the most random thing to compliment Beau on.

Beau’s haircut came into being because it was cool & because Marisha wishes she were brave enough to try an undercut.

Brian’s convinced Fjord’s got gills. Dani: “What do you think Fjord is?” Brian: “Obviously a water man. Water genasi. What are water genasi?”

Beau wasn’t surprised Allison rejected her; she’s used to it. Ack. She was looking for an ally against Avantika, Big Brother style. “Instead she just shat in an alleyway with Nott.”

Laura’s not perturbed the Traveler hasn’t mentioned Fjord’s god; he doesn’t really talk about/care about other gods or patrons. Brian suggests he’s actually the Dongfather in disguise. This show’s collective mental age is smaller than Pike, haha. 

Beau felt like such an interloper when Sam asked her to help with Fluffernutter, like the best friend trying to be in on a joke without really knowing what’s going on. Marisha also takes a moment to praise Laura for her Jester over the last few episodes; she’s digging into the metaphorical popcorn every time Jester & Nott start going off. (Me too, bud.) Jester’s description of the insect carrying a piece of bread is one of her favorite D&D moments ever. Both Marisha & Laura are agog at how many little plans they’ve tried have gone disastrous and then circled back around to being mostly okay again.

Beau was a little hurt when she wasn’t asked to help break into the captain’s quarters, since that’s her specialty, but it was eased by being able to help with her knowledge anyway. However, she knew since she didn’t have any magic, she had no escape plan aside from jumping off the boat. She laughs that that’s what they ended up doing anyway. 

Jester views sex as a transaction, which is why she’s not particularly bothered by Fjord sleeping with Avantika.

Fanart of the Week: @jdillustrates, with a lovely portrait of Caduceus.

Jester’s warring between the logical part of her brain (he was saving her life) and the romantic part of her brain (did he want to kiss me, though?).

There are reasons Beau learned Deep Speech--not as complicated as most people think--that will be revealed eventually. “Nerdy reasons, not because she was kidnapped and turned into a cultist.”

Fjord/Avantika does make her jealous, but it’s also serving a purpose. Laura compares it to telling the high school crush to go hang out with a best friend, only to have them start dating.

Marisha doesn’t feel like Beau’s plans were overly shot down this episode--it’s something she hadn’t even noticed until this question. Marisha feels like it’s so much of a group effort with everyone trying to get to the right plan that it’s hard to pick out who contributed what part of which plan.

Brief interlude to examine a portrait of Brian that looks like George Michael.

In re: the Molly disguise: Beau felt like there was just a wall of regret walking towards her, because it was the friend she let die and the one-night stand. Beau never felt it was actually Molly, though. Jester picked Molly because when Nott said “Keg,” she instantly associated it with “someone who is really cool--who’s also super cool?” Everyone commiserates over how into the night’s shenanigans Molly would have been.

Beau was frustrated while being detained, but she also knew it was going to happen, so it wasn’t a huge issue. She felt like that was where the challenge began for her--anything to get the guard away from what was going on. 

Another brief interlude where everyone experiments with how to make power vaginas with their hands. “This is the car salesman power vagina.” I feel like wherever the rails are for this show, they’re so far gone they might as well be little stars in the sky.

Laura thinks Jester’s reaction to Caleb’s backstory would be much different than Caleb imagines it. Both Laura & Marisha talk about how Caleb’s convinced the moment people realize, they’re gone; there’s also the complication that Beau’s “comforting” is not actually that comforting. “She’d say, ‘you know, they won’t care,’” (which Marisha points out, Caleb would respond--how could someone not care about this?) when what she means is, “They love you and won’t abandon you over this.”

Laura and Marisha are both pumped about Caleb’s Wall of Fire--the walk to the dock was like “getting called to the principal’s office, except the principal is going to kill you.” Laura’s immediate reaction was regret she’d tossed the gems, but she loved his decision since she was panicking IRL & her heart was legit pounding. They also both get super enthusiastic bashing Nott’s plan to dump the haversack in an alley. “It’s bright pink! Someone would have definitely seen it!”

Marisha really misses Professor Thaddeus, but is convinced she’ll never see him again. Dani: “He’s your Nymeria, your Arya.” Marisha, tearfully: “He’s gonna come with his flock of owls and gouge out everyone’s eyes but ours.”

Laura’s convinced Sprinkle is magic, since he definitely should be dead twice over.

Quebec is for Lovers: After Dark edition

Neither Laura nor Marisha are cooking this year. Laura & Travis have no Thanksgiving plans at all this year. My gosh, if they were here my parents would be stuffing them full of turkey yesterday, even though they have no idea who they are.

Brian teases Max over messing with Trinket & carrying him back and forth in his car. Dani wants one TM where Brian isn’t mean to Max. Max, offscreen: “I’m FINE. I’m GOOD.” Marisha laughs that Max was okay with Brian’s teasing but shooting daggers at the TDs laughing.

Brian gives Dani an A for amazing and adorable, but not asshole.

Dani ships Percy/Vex, Keyleth/Vax, and Fjord/Jester. Close after is Kima/Allura & Caleb/Jester. She would be surprised if it happened, but wouldn’t object. Marisha asks, as a shipper, what does Dani look for in a quality ship. Dani likes clear feelings with clear reciprocation, canon connections; she doesn’t ship a ton of subtexty stuff.

Laura has been relistening to Vex’s playlists & crying. Both she & Marisha really miss Vex & Keyleth. Liam texted Laura the other day a fanvid of Vex & Vax that made her cry.

Marisha gets emotional seeing fanart of older Keyleth because it means that she’s living on & being happy. Noelle also came up & thanked Marisha for giving Tova a purpose after the latest Honey Heist, and everyone talks about how many hours they’ve spent creating and living in these people.

Marisha can’t listen to Tokyo Sunrise by LP anymore because it instantly makes her cry.

Beau is not a mindflayer. Everyone’s convinced, Marisha.

If Laura had Jester’s paint set, she’d draw home improvements. She’d draw a door for her bathroom into Ronin’s nursery. Marisha would draw more producers--”Not to undermine the ones I have! We’re so overworked!”

Brian looks to Max for the time left, only to have missed Dani literally just giving him the signal.

Brian starts to say he’ll see us next week, but Dani tells him not to confuse us since there’s no TM next week. Brian: “We’ll see you next week this Thursday Critical Role on youtube.com, Logan Paul guest starring, along with Paul Rudd, Rudney Dangerfield...”

Max, as the sound fades: “Okay, please...”

And that’s it for tonight. See you next time, everyone!